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 VOLUME EIGHTEEN ISSUE TWO
28th SEPTEMBER 2004
Win Am mm®z
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'Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them/
-www. demotivators. com
Squirrel-Borne Flu Epidemic Feared
UBC campus terror-struck, ''Squirrel Flu" name coined, UBC Bestiality Club in grave danger
(Vancouver, reuters)
For many years the fuzzy little tails
and chubby little cheeks of squirrels
have been a blight on the University
of British Columbia campus, and now residents are being warned that these creatures pose an immediate and severe health
risk to all exposed, particularly the elderly,
the infirm and the hung-over.
Researchers at the UBC hospital have
been seeing an alarming number of students displaying extreme flu-like symptoms. When it was discovered that all of
these individuals had been exposed
repeatedly to squirrels, alarm raced
through the UBC medical community. In
the past three days 18 deaths have been
attributed to the so-called squirrel flu or
alcohol poisoning. Twenty-three new cases
of squirrel flu were reported yesterday by
the UBC hospital alone, with thirty-three
other suspected cases popping up around
the city of Vancouver.
Dr. Dave Tsang, Chief Medical Examiner
at the UBC hospital offered these words of
advice to all members of the UBC community: "Stay the Fuck away from those little
fuzzy rats! Anyone can be contaminated
and the consequences can be dire. Nuts to
them!"
With the continued rise of cases and suspected cases, UBC Plant Ops has resorted
to drastic measures to reduce squirrel populations on and around the campus. Squirrels are to be shot on sight, preferably in
the head in order to reduce the likelihood
of zombie squirrel attacks. Twenty-five
Burmese pythons have also been released
as an additional precaution. This "natural" procedure was proposed by the AMS
after consultation with Sustainability UBC
and several grungy, pretentious hippies.
above: the squirrelious menace
As the anxiety heightens, many students
have taken matters into their own hands.
Witnesses have described seeing students
heading to the Place Vanier cafeteria carrying baskets full of dead squirrels. Other
campus organizations have also implemented initiatives to eradicate the super-
flu-ridden rodents. The zoology department has been signing out Siegfried, its
research tiger, for student use. The Science
Undergraduate Society has also dedicated
its resources  and efforts. Justine Chan,
Campus Planning Officials
Decide to Reorient Campus
Hennings to undergo phase shift
All building on campus are currently
scheduled for demolition next
spring in preparation for the reorientation of campus, the UBC Development
Office announced Friday. The reorientation will result in all facilities being rebuilt
on an angle of thirty degrees from their
original location, allowing the new buildings to take advantage of natural light and
significantly improving the view out of
UBC President Martha Piper's window. In
addition, Senior Campus Planner Micheal
"Cedar" Lee touted the new orientation for
vastly improving the Feng Shui of the campus in general.
"By rotate the building thirty degree, the
good luck will flow much through campus
and prosperity will come to University.
Make Koerner building, Old Admin building good, good. Make all student double
lucky."
Lee also assured students at the
announcement that the demolition and
rebuilding of the campus will not change
the buildings themselves a great deal. To
ensure historical accuracy, the campus will
be painstakingly reconstructed to look
exactly as it does at this time, asbestos,
uncomfortable chairs, leaking toilets and
all.
"We promise all student that we do not
change their campus. No changes to accessibility or heating, all not working light
will be still not working. Even broken chair
will be reinstall like is. Washroom will still
be out of order all of time, student no
worry!" grinned Lee with pride. "We know
student want campus to be same as is now.
We no change."
In order to facilitate this large construction undertaking, all summer classes next
year will be relocated to UBC Downtown
Robson campus. For next September, all
classes will be moved to a new portable
complex which will be temporarily erected
in the south campus parking lot, which
will be closed for the duration of the project. Student parking will be available in
the new "Y-Lots," to be built at the corner
of 41st and Marine Drive, with shuttles
conveniently running every eighteen minutes from 09:00-15:00.
Public Relations Officer with the Society,
announced yesterday that SUS would be
diverting funds to sponsor a bounty on
squirrels. "Any student that participates in
our event will be awarded $4 per squirrel
carcass that they bring in. Unfortunately,
this is only open to science students and
you have to show your UBC card to be eligible. We just didn't want a lot of the hobos
to be cashing in squirrel carcasses that
they've been carrying around in their
sacks."
On the scientific front, the race to map the
genome of the squirrel-flu virus has
already begun. Unfortunately progress has
been slow and impeded due to massive
student outcry. Several religious student
groups have called the genome mapping
of the virus unethical. The majority of students, however, simply want an excuse not
to write their midterms.
above: the ferocious squirrel, dangerous
even at the brink of death
Inside:
Michael Jackson
Tries To Save Face.
In Jar Page Two
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
28th September 2004
Volume Eighteen
Issue Two
28th September 2004
Editors
Jonathan Lam
Dan Anderson
Brad Pyke
Lana Rupp
Contributors
SUS Council Elections Candidates
Patricia Lau
Andrew Thamboo
Vanessa Ho
Jonathan Lam
Jo Krack
Jen Ross
Math Club
BPP Club
Printed by
Horizon Pub, Vancouver, BC
Legal Information
The 432 is publication of the Science Undergraduate Society of
UBC. We are not responsible for
misuse of this paper; including but
not limited to usage as instruments
of arson, assault, armed robbery,
impaired driving, rape, murder,
fraud and gross indencency. This
issue is made from 100% recyclable
materials.
All views expressed in this issue
are strictly those of the individual
writers, and as such are not the
responsibility of The 432, The Science Undergraduate Society, or the
Faculty of Science. Writers and cartoonists are encouraged to submit
their material to The 432. Submissions must meet the requirements
of making the editor chuckle thrice,
and contain the author's name and
contact information.
Contact us at: the432@gmail.com
Virginity loss is not
a time-reversable
function.
Everyone Loves Chemistry
Jonathan Lam
OOber nerd
No science student can consider him
or herself a real science student if
they haven't taken at least one lab
course. There are your physics labs, where
you do calculations for 3 hours; biology
labs where you fondle turtle skulls and
plastic models of amphioxus embryos; and
the comp sci labs where the unexplained
space-time convergence in the basement of
CICSR will mysteriously suck 10 hours of
your life that you will never ever get back.
Tm in chemistry and all my chem courses
have labs. Well, only 3 out of 4, but that's
still a lot of labs. And these aren't the baby
3-hour labs you had in CHEM 121, these
are the labs that last 4 hours long on a good
day. On bad days, you can be there for
twice that long.
Of course, this is only what I had been
told up until the beginning of last week.
You see, last week was the first week of
labs for me. I'll go through the highlights
of my lab adventures.
CHEM 309:
This was a fun lab, but only because I had
no clue what I was doing. I mean, usually
Tm good with the lab prep, but you really
start to lose interest when your manual
starts telling you stuff like, "Replace bulb
on vacuum line, open taps K, I, abd E and
when pressure is <0.1 torr, close tap I and
open taps D and F so that the BF3 is collected in trap 1. Close tap D and open tap I
to evacuate the M.W. Bulb. CLose taps E
and F when the pressure is <0.1 torr and
remove the bulb and re-weigh on the analytical balance." And that's to say nothing
of taps A, B, C, G, H, J, L, M or N... well, at
least I had a diagram to help make sense of
it all...although really, I think the diagram
made it more confusing.
The consolation was that I had a very
competent, friendly and, above all, attractive TA - a fact that I felt compelled to note
as an in-lab observation in my lab notebook. Then there was the liquid nitrogen.
Who needs hallucinegenic drugs when
you have dewars of liquid nitrogen? Four
hours in the lab pass by quickly when you
take intermittent breaks where you and
your lab partner splash liquid nitrogen on
each other and giggle madly like the 3rd-
year chem students that you are. Of course
we were all safe because the liquid nitrogen all evaporates before it even touches
you. The problem arises when something
cold doesn't evaporate... as I found out later
in a subsequent step of the procedure
where we mixed the liquid nitrogen with
ethanol. The ethanol bubbled violently out
of the dewar and onto my hand, where it
instantly froze. Freezing is, of course, an
exothermic process. Tm not quite sure
what the heat of fusion for ethanol is, but it
was enough to leave me with small burn
mark on my hand.
CHEM 304:
This is a thermodynamics course. I loathe
thermodynamics. In any case, one of my
friends had his lab section earlier in the
week and apparently he spent more than 6
hours in the lab and he didn't get home
until 9:30PM.
Needless to say, this left me a tad bit
apprehensive about the entire ordeal.
When I actually did the lab though, it only
took me 4 and a half hours and nothing
interesting happened at all. How anti-climatic.
Well, if reading about my lab stories
weren't amusing to you, then I have some
poems I wrote about being in the lab.
Maybe you'll find those more entertaining.
If not, then try writing something better
and send it to us.
Jonny was a chemist
But Jonny is no more
When what he thought was H2O
Was H2S04.
Jonny was a chemist
But Jonny now is dead
When what he thought was Gatorade
Was really molten lead!
Jonny was a chemist
But Jonny's now insane
It turns out that the fumes he breathed
Were dichloromethane!
Jonny was a chemist
But now I'm sad to say,
His corpse lies still, and all because
Of his incompetent TA!
Jonny was a chemist
Now o'er his grave, grass grows
'Cause when he was vacuum distilling,
His partner pulled the hose.
Jonny was a chemist
The brightest in his class
But his H'NMR went awry
And nuked his sorry ass.
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Mc MATH CLUB
Presents:
Bowling
Oct 1, 2004
Commodore Lanes
and Billiard
838 Granville St
5:00 PM
Members only!
I Remember to bring your
membership card!
Video Gaming
Oct 8, 2004 and
Nov 5, 2004
MATX 1100
5:00 PM
Jonny was a chemist
But his life he did abort
When after twenty-seven hours
Windows crashed his lab report.
Jonny was a chemist
But now his corpse is stiff
Because he very stupidly
Made fun of Dr. Cliff.
(*Note: Dr. Cliff is an awesome lab director. I would never really make fun of him)
Jonny was a chemist,
Until he met his doom,
When his acid reflux overboiled
And in his face went BOOM.
Jonny was a chemist.
But Jonny he did die.
They said the fume hood was turned on.
Alas that was a lie.
Jonny was a chemist,
A chemist to the end.
Why his reaction was so exothermic-
He could never comprehend.
Jonny was a chemist
Now Jonny is quite dead.
He tried to make some aniline
But made TNT instead.
Jonny was a chemist.
But now his life's a sham.
He studied late into the night
Then slept through his exam.
Jonny was a chemist,
Got run over by a cab.
He didn't hear the honking horn
While rushing to his lab.
Jonny was a chemist.
He was doing very well,
Until he touched the anode
Of his electrochemical cell.
Jonny was a chemist,
(And this one makes me sob)
When he died from lack of food
Because he had no job.
Some of these are based on actual lab
experiences... It's a miracle (or a curse) that
I haven't mutated into a superhero yet. But
I'll keep trying.
The Paradigm is SUS' serious scientific publication.
We're currently looking
for quality submissions. If
you're interested in having
your work published, give
us a shout.
(See Page 7 for more) 28th September 2004
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
Page Three
Makin Bacon
Jessica Otte
Soylent green is people
I wake up today and get dressed in the
dark, I think my light bulb burned out
last week. I don't think I'm wearing my
own underwear - must have been some
laundry mix-up, because something down
there does not feel quite right. Then it was
off to scramble in the kitchen, where I set
the toaster to the "Pop tarts" setting (seriously, it has one) and have to fight with my
burning bagel. It is pouring. I get on the
bus, watch someone get dripped on from a
leak in the ceiling; it smells like urine,
deodorant, and that homeless dude's beer
can collection in the back.
That was last year, and since then, all of
that has changed - I don't have that cool
toaster anymore and I've since replaced
the light bulb. But there are still certain
things I've grown accustomed to at the
start of every school year: my delight at
Brian Sullivan's bowtie at some welcoming
event, my disgust at the Piper's drawn out
drawling speeches about nothing, the six
busses passing me by in the morning, volunteering at Imagine UBC or some related
event just for the free pizza (c'mon, you
know you do it), elbowing my way to the
bookstore cashier to pay for some disgusting new edition of a book I already own.
It's often a time of violent illness for a
handful of students, and I was lucky
enough to win that lottery. Two days ago it
started as a sore throat, but today, ay,
today was incessant sneezing day - in
triplets, no less. I believe tomorrow is run-
out-of-kleenex day.
Bacteria and viruses aren't the only things
that inspire illness in me. Our bank
accounts were so recently padded with our
summer earnings from flipping burgers or
being a lackey to some mad scientist on
campus, but our balances have no doubt
regressed to negligible with that all-too-
familiar, twice annual dip. Actually, it's
less like a 'dip' and more like a bludgeoning landslide with razorbeast teeth that
rips out all your internal organs, save your
spleen, forcing you into "soul-crushing
melancholy followed by a long complacent
topor, until you find relief in death."* Or
graduation. Or nothing. Ever.
If you are the kind of person who eats that
spaghetti that fell on the floor, buys used
textbooks and talks the seller down to half
price, furnishes your room with cardboard
box shelving and tables, or only purchases
Kraft Dinner when it is on sale, I think you
need to think more creatively about paying
for your education. A headline in the
Hamilton Spectator a while back read
"University graduates bring home the
bacon." It seemed good, and I took it to be
a sign that all this work and debt will be
rewarded in the end, if with nothing else,
at least a decent salary. But wait! It actually meant so much more.
At Lindenwood University in St. Charles,
Missouri, parents are financing their chil
dren's education with meat. Yes, I'm talking pure hog meat, folks. An understanding between farming families and the university president has left cafeteria freezers
full of sausage, pig roasts, ribs, and bacon
- which was good news for students who
are, according to the Spectator, overwhelmingly carnivorous in this part of the
U.S. Although only worth $4500 at auction,
50 pigs footed a family's bill for two years
of their daughter's education. With the college calculating the meat's worth at wholesale purchase prices, a $22000 USD tuition
bill was covered. Kudos to the Lndepen-
dent (London) for being the first to pick up
this fine piece of journalistic gold.
If only we could barter banana slugs, broken umbrellas, and appendages of Piper
for tuition waivers, we would be set. I
think I saw a pig foetus somewhere in the
bowels of BioSciences; maybe I can get my
AMS fees covered this year. Yes.
*Description of sadness courtesy of tooth-
pastefordinner.com
Horoscopes! Horoscopes! Horoscopes!
Dan Anderson
No Jamaican psychic
ARIES
You will get up early to get started on
schoolwork this week. "Early," of course,
being relative to when bears finish hibernation. Don't count on passing any courses
this term.
TAURUS
You will be able to get along well with
coworkers for the next few days, which is
of little comfort since they're only being
nice to you because you were so brutally
fired.
GEMINI
There will be great energy in your life.
Most of it will be kinetic, and after briefly
surging it will come to a dramatic conclusion at roughly the same time as your body
hits the pavement.
CANCER
"Time heals all wounds" is a great saying,
but the court will not believe that it applies
to dismemberment.
LEO
Your campaign slogan of "I'll make this
town stand on it's own two feet!" will strike
home with people concerned about the
town's annual deficit, but will garner great
ire from the War Amps.
VIRGO
People will give you strange looks when
you profess your love of children. It's probably because of your 70's porn 'stache and
your black matte van.
LIBRA
You will meet new and exciting individuals before your aunt posts bail.
SCORPIO
Newspapers are always looking for hot
insider information on controversial topics. They do not, however, care about the
rude cashier at Burger King who refused to
give you extra catsup.
SAGITTARIUS
Your ruse will be exposed when they ask
"If you're a garbageperson, where's your
truck?" This does not prevent them from
wondering how you made five city blocks
worth of trash disappear.
CAPRICORN
"Tuum Est," or "It's yours," does not apply
to those fancy pens in the Outpost, as SUB
Security will kindly explain to you
between vicious beatings.
AQUARIUS
You've always been a gambler, and yes,
there are finite odds that a monkey pounding at a typewriter will output an A essay
for your upcoming assignment. Unfortunately, there's no way you could have foreseen the fact that the damned simian
would try to eat the typewriter, then the
paper, then you.
PISCES
Nobody will believe your flimsy excuse of
"The painting made me do it... those
eyes...." But after you've gone, it will strike
again, and at least you were left alive.
Hey you I Science Student! Yes you! Get out
there ond votei
You know what? You
don'thove to get out anywhere ond vote ot a/// You
con stay ot home ond
vote online at
sus.ubc.ca
So what are you waiting for?
Go. Vote. Now.
Polls open Sept. 28, 2004
and close Oct. 5,2004
S_C I  E  N  C E Page Four
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
28th September 2004
SUS Elections 2004:
Social Coordinator
Scott Thompson
Anna Marie Bueno
SoCo three consecutive years? Am I crazy? Sure! Tm
crazy about this position and taking the social program
to a new level; Tm crazy about working with the new
executives; but above all, Tm crazy about working
with/for science students. After serving 2 terms as
SoCo, I've become familiar with programs of the past
and believe it's time for a fresh, new social program.
My main goals include:
- increasing student involvement by:
- working with promoters for off-campus events
- bringing you the freshest urban acts this side of the
border for Science Week's concert, Cold Fusion
First Year Rep
Varun Ramraj
Friends, Romans, Thunderbirds! I urge you to log onto
the polls this year and vote for VARUN RAMRAJ as
your First-Year Rep for the Science Undergraduate Society! As your representative, I would love to hear from
you about ideas for events or any issues you may have.
Here's the kicker: I live ON campus, which means I can
promptly do anything that's a priority for YOU.
So, click the little box beside VARUN RAMRAJ on voting day, and feel confident knowing that the SUS First-
Year Committee is going to make this year at UBC an
enjoyable, memorable one!
Andrea Smid
Welcome to UBC! With these words, my life changed drastically. I am no longer a
high school student, whose worst fear is no more than 'when and how will I ever get
out of here?'. I am, however, still the same friendly, caring and hard working person. I am also still dedicated to volunteering, skiing/snowboarding, and teaching
piano. Being a member of the Science Undergraduate Society Council would enable
me to share my good communication, leadership, and organizational skills in order
to help the council in important decision-making as well as event co-ordination.
Thank you, in advance, for giving me this great opportunity!
-Andrea Smid
Rebecca Brooke
My name is Rebecca and Tm a mad scientist in training!
Actually, Tm planning to major in Biology (genetics). I
play guitar and take dance class in my spare time. Tm
running for first year rep because I believe in the ideas
behind student government and want to support the
voices of science students. I've gained significant experience from high school as a member of the leadership
class and students' council for 4 years and the school-
newspaper's founding editor. All this means that I know
how to be an effective first year rep and leader of your
first year committee.
Aaron Sihota
HE'S 99.9% Pure Science, ONLY .1% BSH!
Hey guys Tm AARON SIHOTA running as your lst-Year Science Rep. Aaron is a
family man (e.g. lives with a family) with a distinguished career of going to school.
Are u worrying about lack of experience-not to worry!!! I've had experience serving
on council during high school. I want 1st year science students to give me the opportunity to advocate their needs and issues and to make me do work for UH! If you ever
see me around campus please feel free to say HI. And as always, get involved and
VOTE SIHOTA!!!
Amanpreet Dhaliwal
Hi, my name is Amanpreet Dhaliwal and I am running
for the first year representative for the SUS. I am the
right candidate for this job as I am not only responsible,
energetic, and committed in anything I do, but also
because I will bring forward all the issues and interests
of the first years to the the SUS. I will do everything in
my power to help make this experience in UBC Science
unforgettable!
Daniel Lee
Hi there! My name's Daniel Lee, and Tm a first-year science student. Tm sure by now you've all had a taste of
university, and love it or hate it, you have more coming
ur way. Just like many of you, Tm wondering what the
next 4 years has in store (how many desperate all-
nighters will I need to pull?) and whether university life
is as glamorous as they say it is. Tm sure once the exam
cramming and coffee powered nights begin, I'll regret
saying this, but eh we're young, and we should have fun
while we still can! So help me make this first-year a
great one by voting for me for First-year Science Rep.
Barinder Brar
FREE BZZR! In East Vancouver born and raised on the playground is where I spent
most of my days. Chilling out maxing, relaxing all cool and just shooting some b-
ball, outside of the school. Okay, time to get serious. In a vast sea of unfamiliar faces,
many of you know me as Bindi. I am highly qualified for this position. For most of
my high school career, I was involved in students council. I ended my five year run
as student council president. I will do what is required of me to the best of my abilities. Vote for me!
Gordon Yip
"OH MY!" she shouted, "something's rubbing against
my left leg..." now that I've got your attention. How you
doing? Tm Gordon Yip, Gordon for short, and running
for 1st yr rep. Tm 5'5...AND a half, and enjoys sports,
chilling with friends and msn'ing. I also love cars and
girls *wink* =). Anyways, as rep, I want to make our 1st
year fun. We're new and let's face it UBC bombards us
with assignments and exams. It's vital that we have fun.
So, if you vote me, I'll do my best to represent, thanks!!
"...oh wait," she laughed violently, "that's my right leg!"
Lissa Murseli
Greetings, fellow first-year scientists!
My name is Lissa Murseli, and I'd be honoured if elected as First-Year Representative. Why am I a suitable
candidate?
1. Tm experienced as a student representative, as I was
heavily involved in my secondary school's council.
2. Tm determined to make this an awesome year for all
first-year "sciencers".
3.1 want to make a difference! As Rep, I will gladly listen to your thoughts on how to make the most of our
time at UBC.
I would love the opportunity to represent you, the first-
year science students, in an effort to make our
UBC experience unforgettable!
So for First-Year Rep, vote Lissa Murseli!
Shu Liu
Wynnie Lau
Lucy Liu
Cindy Wenger
Vote online: Visit sus.ubc.ca
(Sept. 28 - Oct. 5, 2004) 28th September 2004
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
Page Five
Elections Candidates
Coordinated Science Rep
Jocelyn Shih
Hello everyone! My name's Jocelyn Shih and Tm currently running for the CSP Rep Position of SUS this
year. I've been involved with student council throughout high school and with that experience I want to
make this year the best for everyone in CSP! We've
been told to get involved and to use the resources
available to us, and in order to do that, an appropriate
and fitting representative is needed to communicate
your interests and opinions - someone like me! So if
you want to have an exciting year full of events, activities and fun, make sure you vote for someone capable
in doing this job; a person who's knowledgeable and
organized - a person like me! Remember to vote, and
this'll be a great year-
Kevin Chu
More of you probably know me as the dude with the
big cow than Kevin, but at least you remember me, so
vote for me in the upcoming SUS election as your csp
Rep! My jumbo cow is just the tip of the iceburg, I'll be
sure to keep you all up to date on the lastest events,
keep you entertained, and represent us cspers in SUS so
vote for me~!
Kevin Chu
Diana Diao
I AM ACTUALLY A 51-YEAR OLD STRIPPER FROM
FLORIDA.
Thought I'd use a more creative way to get your attention; and now that I have it, y'all should know that Tm
actually running for CSP Representative. I want everyone in CSP to be more involved and get better connected with what's happening in SUS and around UBC
socially and academically. From organizing and coordinating different events to juggling and balancing a
spoon on my nose, I've got the talent and the skills to
make this the best year for all you CSPers!
So vote YES for Diana Diao!
General Officer
David Yoon
I think these election blurbs and skirts have one thing
in common: the shorter, the better. So I'll try to keep
mine brief. As a general officer representing 6,891
undergraduate science students at UBC, I will do my
best to improve the academic and social services provided by SUS and make sure you guys have another
fun and exciting year! Oh, by the way, I was involved
with SUS last year as the CSP representative. Vote 'yes'
for Dave!
Lisa Frey
If SUS were a body, I'd be the chest (where the heart
lies, you sickos). Let's just say I perk up when stimulated — by a cause. Last year, as Math/Stat rep, I got
addicted to student politics. I began to believe the
naive notion that just maybe we lowly students could
have a voice in how things worked around this University. As part of the Improvements Committee, I
helped identify what we could do to make SUS more
useful and more accessible for everyone. Now, I am
running for General Officer so I can help make it happen!
Navi Ratton
Science One Rep
Yulin Hswen
Hi my name is Yulin Hswen and I am the Science One Rep for 2004-2005.
To all of the first years, We have all started with a clean slate. A new road is ahead
of us, one paved with endless oportunities. Fear of failure, excitment of the
unknown and what lies ahead boggle our minds. Party, laugh, mingle and have
fun, this is the time to find yourself. Unfortunately, there will also be many sleepless nights where coffee is your best friend and you feel as if you are at the end of
your rope. Don't lose hope, because the bottom line is no matter how hard it gets...
SUMMER STARTS in APRIL and YOU HAVE 4 MONTHS TO WHATEVER THE
HELL YOU WANT!!!!! OH YEAH!!!
Chemistry Rep
Jonah Chang
i Why vote for me? I have the procedure... duh!
Chemistry Rep: A 1000L round bottomed flask is
charged with a solution of Jonah (800 L, 5 M in THF).
The solution stirred at 37 oC under Ar and B. Sc. in
Chemistry (100 L, 10.7 mol) is added dropwise over 4
years. The solvent is removed by rotary evaporation to
afford 99790 grams (87%) of a crude, yellow goo.
1H NMR (200 MHz); 2.31 (triplet, 2H), 8.13 (singlet,
2H).
Properties: Extremely hygroscopic and pyrophoric.
Enjoys chemistry way too much. Extremely reactive and
amusing around Et20.
WARNING: Do NOT allow contact with EtOH.
Harshbir Singh Toor
I am running for Chemistry department rep for the
year 2004-2005. My achievements for last year are as
follows:
1. First year representative (Science Undergraduate
Society).
2. First year representative (UBC Bhangra Club)
3. Student leader (Science first year committie).
4. Captain (Undergraduate science volley ball team).
5. Volunteer of the year (Khalsa Diwan society)
I am involved in school and in the community and try
to get the best to my fellow students. I am sure my
potential and achievements will prove to be an asset
during my tenure as Chemistry department rep this
year.
Pharmacology Rep
'**■;
i
Jonathan Lam
Alex Mazurek
Hello Physiology and Pharmacology students, My
name is Alex Mazurek and I am hoping to represent you
as the SUS Physiology and Pharmacology Department
Rep. I am a third year Pharmacology student, and I
bring to the table a passion for scholarship and a familiarity with student government. My most recent experiences include tutoring for the AMS and being on the
executive of the Undergraduate Chemistry Society. As
your representative, I will insure every Pharmacology
and Physiology student has a voice in the SUS by maintaining a policy of open communication with both the
students and the departments.
I am involved in school and in the community and try
to get the best to my fellow students. I am sure my
potential and achievements will prove to be an asset
during my tenure as Chemistry department rep this
year.
Elections Continued
on Page 6 Page Six
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
28th September 2004
ISP Rep
Sarah Ballard
Hello fellow ISPers!! The name is Sarah Ballard and I
am running for SUS Lntegrated Science Department Rep.
Why?? First of all I love ISP and I would really like to do
everything I can to promote and improve it. Ln the 2nd
term of last year I gained some experience in this position by filling the vacant spot on council. This involved
corresponding between the department heads, the ISSA
and of course SUS. This year I am more involved in the
ISSA as the External VP and if I am elected I feel I can
expand the relationship between SUS and ISP!!
Francis Moon
As last year's microbiology department representative
for SUS, I have been involved in many science activities
including academic, sports, and science week committee. With the experience and knowledge gained
throughout the past year, I know I can do the following
should I be elected as ISP Department Representative. I
will work very hard to start a new initiative such as ISP
Student Space as our numbers continue to grow and our
student space in LSK 303 is becoming very limited for
many activities. I will also strive to promote greater representation of ISP students within the council and make
ISP one of the best departments out there!
Biochem Rep
Hedy Lam
My name is Hedy Lam and i would love to be your Biochemistry Department Rep. My past experience with
SUS indued: Coordinated Science Program Rep, Director of Sports, and Biochemistry Pharmacology Physiology Club Rep. I plan to increase Biochem student awareness of SUS scholarships and events by sending out
email updates to those who wish to receive them. VOTE
HEDY LAM FOR BIOCHEMISTRY DEPARTMENT
Chatura Dilgir
Sanjay Singh
Jasna Levi
Hi, Tm Jasna Levi, a third year student in the Combined
Honors Biochemistry and Chemistry Program. From
reading that last sentence Tm sure you're already thinking that Tm a keener, but we all know that keeners
always get the job done, and Tm certainly no exception!
Tm really talkative, approachable and outgoing and
have tons of energy, which I will channel toward keeping you updated and informed about all of the latest,
wildly exciting events in the Biochem department. So if
you're interested in having your voice heard and being
informed, vote for the girl that will work hard to make
it happen-ME!
Biology Rep
Patrina Lo
Hello there fellow biology peeps! My name is Patrina and Tm in my 4th year of Animal Bio honours. I've been actively involved on campus as an Imagine squad leader,
and residence advisor, and enjoy working with my fellow students. I want to be
YOUR bio rep to make sure bio students and the department are well represented on
council, to make sure there is a good relationship between SUS and the bio department, and to make sure your ideas and concerns are heard by everyone. And of
course, I would make sure that there are good times all around!
David Yuen
Hey there! Tm David, and I will do an excellent job of liaising with the Biology
Department and SUS as your Biology Department Representative. As a second-year
Biology student, I understand Biology students and will provide an effective link
between students and faculty. I believe in the importance of communication and this
will carry over into my responsibilities as Biology Department Representative if you
elect me. I currently hold the positions of Film Society Treasurer and Secretary of my
fraternity (Tm basically a responsible guy!) and would greatly enjoy and value this
opportunity to be involved with SUS.
Physics/Astronomy Rep
Chris Baitz
I'm Chris Baitz and Tm in my fourth year here at UBC.
I have helped with Lmagine UBC three years running
and participated in SUS during last year. I believe that I
am a good candidate for the position of Physics/Astronomy Rep.
Math Rep
Cameron Funnell
Gauss once said "mathematics is the queen of the sciences and number theory is the queen of mathematics."
It logically follows that as math rep I would be Queen of
the Universe. It is the unimaginable power wielded by
the holder of this position which makes me desire it so.
A year of ruthless domination as CSP president has prepared me well to let loose the fury of hell upon UBC
mathematics students. Finally, I would like to say that
the venerable "Moffatts" have expressly declared their
support of my quest for the UNHOLY POWER that is
math rep... (seriously)
Samuel Wong
Hi, fellow math or stats people, I have for you, oh no, a
proposition (trivial though it is): vote for your rep in this
year's SUS elections... and hence this implies our cor-
rollary: vote for Samuel! Proof: Tm a second year in
combined honours Math and Statistics, so my status
allows me to represent both departments fully. My math
interests are demonstrated in competitive problem solving, by both doing and leading for many years. Hence,
Tm delighted to apply this all and be your rep for this
year. This gives clearly Quod Erat Demonstrandum, so
don't forget to vote!
Microbi & Immunology Rep
Vladmir Choi
Hi everyone, Tm Vladimir, hopefully your Mcrobi rep-
to-be. As you can see, Tm the only one running for this
position. Tm crazy about everything that has to do with
Mcrobiology and Lmmunology, but that doesn't mean
that's all Tm going to do if I am elected. I will also be
there to ensure that the relations between SUS, the
Mcrobiology & Immunology department, and its students are running along smoothly, while addressing to
the appropriate authorities any questions or concerns
that you, as a Mcrobi student, may have. If anything
comes up, I'll be there to help. So go out and vote!
Please note that any
unfilled positions will be
elected in council on October 7th, 2004
(SUB Council Chambers,
13:00)
Come on down and be prepared to give a short
speech.
Everyone is welcome! 28th September 2004
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
Page Seven
SUS Executive Reports
Patricia Lau
Andrew Thamboo
El Presidente Vice, Internal
FIRST YEARS!! We just had our first
FIRST YEAR COMMITTEE meeting
last Wednesday and went over what
this committee is all about. We will have
our second meeting on Oct. 6 at 4:32 in LSK
202. During this meeting, we will be
appointing the following postions: Finance
Coordinator, Science Week Coordinator,
Sports Coordinator, Public Relations Coordinator and an Information Coordinator. If
you want to take on such a role, come out
on Oct. 6!! However, we are always looking for people to help! See you there!
Vanessa Ho
El Directoro Sports
Wow, three weeks have gone by in
a flash, and things are well under
way @ UBC REC. This year,
Active Living and Legacy Games have
combined to offer the UBC community
with UBC REC (new name, more game), a
sport and recreational program that promotes well being by offering league sports,
events, instructional programs, fitness,
drop-in, outdoor recreation, and tournaments.
League sign up for term one ended on
Sept. 20th for all outdoor leagues, and the
24th for all indoor leagues. The first of the
Triple Crown events is going down October 2nd and 3rd at the Jericho Sailing Club.
Day of the Longboat promises to be an
awesome time with over 200 teams, some
decked out in costumes, all braving the
waves to be the first to hit that big gong at
the end of a 2000m race. It'll be intense,
tons of fun and good times...Come out! and
support your friends-
With regards to rebates for science teams.
I will be putting up on the SUS website
(www.sus.ubc.ca) a form for all team captains to fill out and return to me. Rebates
will be given out at the end of the term. All
teams applying for rebates must submit
their team roster, team name and receipt
from UBC REC. In addition, all members
on the team, with the exception of TWO
imports, must be Science students (Ag sci
and Pharmacy students are not considered
science students).
Registration is now open for LnnerTube
water polo and the UBC conquer the point
fall adventure run. Go to www. rec.ubc.ca
for more information. If you have any
questions or suggestions on how we at SUS
can serve you better, in terms of getting
involved in sports, or different events
please dont hesitate to  contact me at:
vanniep ants@gmail. com.
Well, that's it from me =)
- Vanessa
El Presidente
I hope everyone is enjoying the first few
weeks of school! I just have a few things
to report:
Website - Our website has been totally
revamped and is currently being updated
almost every day thanks to our great webmaster Ken MacKay. Check it out at
www.sus.ubc.ca! If you have any comments or suggestions or even content for
us please send me an email at
pwlau@interchange.ubc.ca or directly to
our webmaster at kjmackay@inter-
change.ubc.ca.
Elections - Don't forget to go out and vote
in the SUS elections between September 28
and October 5, 2004. Check out
www.sus.ubc.ca to find out more details.
Killam   Teaching   Awards   -   Go   to
http://www.science.ubc.ca/ to find out
how you can nominate a faculty
member/instructor/lecturer who has made
a difference in your education.
FoS/Dean of Science Committees - We
once again have several opportunities for
students to join the Faculty of Science
Committee for the Killam Teaching
Awards or the Student Advisory Committee to the Dean of Science. See this page for
all the info.
Jonathan Lam
El Directoro Publications
Kis a letter that you seldom see capitalized at the beginning of these
blurbs. It's usually a letter 'H' for
Hi, Hello, or Hey there.
But enough about this. I hope you're all
enjoying this elections issue that we've
painstakingly put together for you. Go
ahead, read through it, get a feel for what
your potential representatives look like,
how they write and what kind of ideas
they have. Then go vote for/against them.
So the next big thing I have to annouce is
about The Paradigm! Yup, this year is
gonna be a good year for the Paradigm, I
promise. We've got a tag-team duo of dedicated editors who already have editorial
Death-Star plans worked out and all they
need is a little help from you!
So what is this "Paradigm" I speak of?
Well it's an official SUS Publication that we
put out a few times per year, geared
towards the serious stuff that never gets
put in the 432. Do you have strong opinions on scientific discussions? Do you have
a cool story about the awesome research
job you got this summer? Are you an n-th
year undergrad student (n > 5) who has
mounds of academic advice and info for
younger students? Have you ever thought
about writing for the 432 but never submitted anything because you thought you
were too "unfunny?"
Well write for the Paradigm.
Seriously.
Write for the Paradigm. You don't even
have to be a science student! We've had
engineering students, med students, and
even profs and TAs write for us.
If you're interested, you can email me at
txm@interchange.ubc.ca
or email the Paradigm editors directly at
shc@interchange.ubc.ca
Committee Info
Killam Teaching Awards Committee
The Killam Awards are awarded to Science faculty members (including lab instructors
and lecturers) who show their ability to motivate students, develop new ways of teaching, stimulate critical thinking and more. On the selection committee you would be
required to attend a few meetings with other members of the committee as well as sit in
on a few of the nominated candidates classes. This committee is considered an extremely fun one and a great place to meet more faculty and Science administration. Send an
email immediately to sus@interchange.ubc.ca if you are interested in this position
Student Advisory Committee to the Dean of Science
This committee is composed of seven Science students (including three SUS Executives),
and four Science faculty, the Dean and two Associate Deans. We meet once a month (dinner is provided!) and the purpose of this committee is to have a direct link between students and the Dean. Any topic can be brought up and debated within the walls of the
meeting room and the idea is to bring new initiatives and projects to Science students that
will benefit their University education and experience. This is a great committee to join if
you are interested in having your voice heard by the Dean. The environment is extremely relaxed and casual, so if you're worried that it might be intimidating don't be! There
are four student positions available for a term beginning mid October and ending in the
Spring. Email sus@interchange.ubc.ca if you are interested!
This October 8, ZOON
The Science Undergraduate Society is proud to bring you...
6P0CKT0BERFEST
Drink much and proeper
'I do not bee the logic
oF not attending..."
Friday October B, 2004
ISDDh - ZIDDh [7pm - 11pm]
SUB Partyroom [Upstairs]
Z pieces oF IB required,
no mioore permitted.
Briuke, music, Fun.
It'e purely logical. Page Eight
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
28th September 2004
It came from across the Pacific
Jo Krack
She lives!
Hello
faithful and soon-to-be-faithful
readers, and welcome (back) to
UBC! I graduated last May and
am now in Wakayama prefecture,
Japan, participating on the ever-
popular JET program. Third-
years who haven't been binge-
drinking daily will remember
that I was on exchange in Osaka,
Japan, two years ago, and kept up
a regular Gaijin-in-Japan column.
And now, once again, I shall
endeavour to keep you all posted
on my various Japanese adventures, in and out of the office.
Although I've only been in Japan
for less than two months, I've
already had enough adventures
to last me for quite awhile. First
of all, I came down with mono
less than three weeks after arriving in Japan. It was improperly
diagnosed as tonsillitis at first,
which resulted in my receiving a
large dose of penicilin and subsequently breaking out in hives.
Not fun. The doctors didn't want
to stress out my liver by giving
me something to stop the itch, so
I lay awake for two nights, holding ice packs to various part of
my body in a futile attempt to
numb the skin.
In total, I spent two weeks in the
hospital. Since some of the doctors could write a little English
but none of them could speak it, I
learned lots and lots of new
words. If you ever need to know
how to say the following in
Japanese, give me a call: mononucleosis, liver, spleen, TV, blood
test, ultrasound, rash, swell up,
go down (i.e. a rash), bed rest,
tonsils, injection (i.e. a shot),
appetite (or lack thereof), nausea,
bowel movement, boredom, pain,
pain relief, be released (from hospital).
Besides acquiring the necessary
language skills, I also got to experience the culture of a Japanese
hospital. For example, if you get
hospitalized in Japan, you'll need
to bring your own chopsticks,
spoon, and cup. Some people also
bring small wastepaper baskets.
The meal cart plays tinned music
that sounds like it's coming from
an ice cream truck, so if you hear
"Mary Had a Little Lamb," odds
are you're about to be fed. The
rice served with each meal is
often bland and extra-sticky; ask
if you can get bread instead
because they serve delicious
warm, slightly sweet rolls. That
bread became the highlight of my
day! Finally, be nice to the nurses,
because they can be gentle or
rough when they take those frequent blood samples!
I was finally sent home, with
orders to take another week off
work and rest. The day before I
was to return to work, there was
a somewhat strong earthquake
around 7pm. My rice cooker,
toaster oven, and a few other
assorted items crashed to the
ground, and I sought shelter in a
door frame. It passed  quickly,
GOT
Hi
r:
Already feeling cranKy from plies of
homeworK? Then taKe a breaK and get free foodf The
Biochemistry, pharmacology and physiology Club is
hosting its annual icebreaKer social event on
September 29th, fr3o-7:oo PM at Wood •Room Gnfn.
BPP members, come meet your fellow members and
enjoy an evening of refreshments and games. If you're
not a member, you can come sign up on the spot? Don't
miss out! Also, we'll be hosting our AGM (annual
general meeting) on the same night! come and vote for
your favorite exec in the BPP elections!
Intorested in joining the BPP executive team yourself?
You're in Iuck, we currently have four positions
available up for grabs (General Executive,
Conference Coordinator, First-year "Representative,
Physiology "Representative).
Visit 10ujuj.bppc1ub.org for details.
Do YOU have BPP in your head?
and I eventually calmed down
and went to bed. Around midnight, another strong quake hit,
and this time an air-raid siren
went off as soon as the shaking
subsided. Startled, I look out my
window and was greeted with
the panic-inducing sight of people fleeing from the apartment
building in front of mine. You
see, I live right next to the ocean,
and thus post-quake tsunamis
could be devastating.
I quickly packed up a bag and
left the apartment, where I followed some other evacuees and
ended up in a local community
centre. One local started telling
me stories about how they were
expecting another, even stronger
quake in the future, perhaps
within the next few hours but
possibly not for another few
decades. I was not comforted by
his words, and found myself
wishing for the first time that I
understood less Japanese. Anyway, the tsunami was tiny and
didn't cause any damage, and
after a few sleepless nights and
jumping every time I felt a
tremor, I was able to forget about
the whole thing and settle back
into my routine. I even made
myself a nifty emergency kit (yes,
I included chocolate).
Other than all that, I finally
bought a cell phone... you know,
one of the cool ones that can take
pictures and send email and all
that. It's adorable, too, due to
Japan's strictly enforced Code of
Cuteness. A Japanese phone is
incomplete without something
cute dangling from it (these are
called cell phone "straps", and are
available everywhere — no cell
phone is without at least one), so
the next day I went shopping and
promptly found a tiny stuffed
seal to dangle from my cell. I am
now that much closer to full
acceptance in Japanese society! If
only I liked umeboshi (very sour
pickled plums)!
Have any Japan-related questions? Want a Hello Kitty vibrator? Email me:
gimmekrack@hotmail.com!
Eating Well In
Junior Residence
...and eating Juniors well
in Residence
Believe it or not, it is possible
to eat reasonably well in Junior
Residence (aka Totem Park or
Place Vanier). The secret to
this relatively unknown phenomenon lies in not eating in
the cafeteria.
"But what about spending all
my meal plan points?" the
befuddled first years call out.
The answer, my friends, is in
cafrocey shopping.
Between the fruit bar, the
salad bar, and the cooler, a
great deal of common ingredients can be bought cheaply in
the cafeteria. Add some support from Hubbard's or
Magda's, and you can have a
simply gourmet meal, all
made in your common room.
This year, the 432 is pleased to
announce an ongoing recipe
column that can teach you the
ins and outs of eating well in
Junior Residence. Whether
you are a confirmed anti-caf
eater, or just looking for the
occasional non-caf dish, Eating
Well will guide you to a world
of culinary delight.
This issue:
Nachos with Guacamole
Perfect to enhance a Sex in the
City marathon night with your
floor, or as a midnight snack
after a beer binge, Nachos with
Guacamole can be whipped
up quickly and always tastes
good. The shopping list below
assumes that it was not Nacho
Bar night at Totem.
Shopping List:
Vanier Cafeteria*:
- 2 medium ripe avocados
(fresh whole fruit bar)
- 1 handful chopped white or
red onion (salad bar or grill)
- 2-3 red pepper strips (salad bar)
- 1/2 tomato (salad bar)
- 1 large handful shredded
mixed cheeses (salad bar)
- Salt and pepper, to taste
(condiment area)
Hubbard's or Magda's:
- Lemon juice
- Tortilla chips
Totem won't work, because
they don't sell avocados. Don't
worry, your meal card will
work at Vanier even if you're a
Totem student.
Directions:
Cut open the avocado, and
remove the pit. Scoop the flesh
from the shell, and mash the
innards in a medium bowl.
Chop the peppers and tomato,
and add to the avocado along
with the chopped onion. Add
salt and pepper, and about 3-4
good squeezes of lemon juice
(aim for about 3 tablespoons).
Mix thoroughly. Put tortilla
chips on a plate, and sprinkle
with cheese. Melt in the
microwave, and serve hot with
the guacamole. If you would
like, serve salsa (Hubbard's or
Magda's) on the side.

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