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 VOLUME NINETEEN ISSUE ONE
06 September 2005
"Hollywood is where the stars twinkle, then wrinkle."
Victor Mature
Thomas Luo
The U-Pass Conspiracy?
Can you say "Money Grabber"
April 30, 2006
Njme:
WWW.U[HM3.ubC.U YfWWilFdJ"UJInMjlKjUl
TI4l»/klH
There comes a time in every first-year
student's life when he/she must
undertake a rite of passage and
embark on the arduous trip to the UBC
Carding Office. After navigating the
labyrinth of bookshelves, enduring the torment of seemingly static queues, and
answering the riddles of the gatekeepers
(i.e. remembering to bring a piece of photo-
ID), one will eventually obtain a personal
but not quite personalized UBC Card.
However, in recent times, a new evil has
thrown an oversized spanner into the well-
oiled carding machinery of the Carding
Office.
There is an unspoken question that troubles every new initiate's mind. 'What is the
Matrix?' Fortunately, that answer is
already documented in a barely coherent
cinematic trilogy. Therefore, onto the next
burning issue which boggles the idle mind:
'Why do I need yet another card as trivial
proof to obtain a service that I've already
paid for?' Loosely applying the principles
of the scientific method, let us hypothesize
about the cause.
'As not absolutely every university student is forced to obtain a U-Pass, surely the
problem lies in distinguishing those who
have paid and those who have not?'
A logical conclusion, except for one fatal
flaw. Consider why certain students do not
have U-Passes in the first place. THAT'S
RIGHT! It's because the exemption applies
in circumstances where certain students
cannot benefit from the public transit system.
'The transit system needs to use identification which is difficult to abuse or forge?'
This is another seemingly valid but sadly
untrue conclusion. For those of you who
have ever purchased a monthly fare pass,
you'll note that it is nothing more than a
thin piece of paper featuring a simple,
mundane design. THAT'S RIGHT! A one-
zone pass, which costs $69, is nothing more
than paper. It has neither a magnetic strip,
a photo, nor any shape or form of identification to the owner.
'The purpose of the stupid, poor-quality
picture is to mock you.'
No comment, although keep this point in
mind for the next explanation.
Perhaps the reason for the U-Pass is far
more subtle, far more sinister, and far simpler than one would expect? Perhaps it is
so diabolical that it almost can't be told for
fear of the immediate penalty of death?
(THAT'S RIGHT, almost!) Occam's Razor,
the simplest explanation must be that
TranLink is a greedy, money-grubbing corporation? Bingo!
Given that the U-Pass seems to fulfill no
purpose which cannot be assumed by the
UBC Card, the U-Pass is evidence for what
I shall call the Overloaded Wallet Hypothesis. Universally, the number of cards that
a person must always carry will increase
with time (e.g. driver's license, credit cards,
banking cards, social insurance card, etc.).
Like tree rings, a person's age can corresponds to the size of his/her wallet. Unfor
tunately, as the amount of space in any
wallet is finite, soon two or more cards are
being stuffed into each wallet slot. Hence,
the conditions for TransLink's money stealing trap are set.
Given that wallets are grossly overloaded,
at any instant, there is always a slight
chance that any wallet will spontaneously
explode, spewing cards every which way.
Adding any additional cards to the mix,
such as the U-Pass, only increases the risk
to personal safety - but that's beside the
point. Sooner or later, cards will be lost
inadvertently, and then the 'small print'
strikes! It'll cost a whopping $10 to get a
replacement card, not to mention the
inconvenience of obtaining a replacement
card may deter students from doing so
altogether, forcing them to pay (brace
yourselves) FULL PRICE for transit!
Of course, that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Even more devious tricks lie around the
corner. For instance, imagine any hectic
weekday morning. The bus pulls into the
stop at ten minutes behind the posted time,
or if at all for that matter. You step onto the
bus with the U-Pass handy. Approaching
the driver, you might slap on a smile to
mask the murdering rage caused by leaving home ten minutes early but now knowing you'll arrive ten minutes late. Suddenly, the bus driver frowns and demands to
see your UBC Card as well (seriously, read
the fine print!). Woe betide you if you can't
scrounge it out from your wallet, lost safely somewhere in your backpack. For the
sake of argument, we'll assume you actually find it within the hour. If you assumed
everything is finally settled, it's just begun.
Now, that magnetic strip will become the
bane of your existence (assuming it's actually working today). Crudely shove the U-
Pass into the machine and it'll spit it back
at you with an annoying tone. Wrong side?
Too much force? Imperfect alignment? Stupid machine? Who knows? A few tries
later, the ordeal is over ... or is it? Maybe
not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one of
these days, the machine will jam and swallow your U-Pass entirely. Can you say $10?
In conclusion, won't you agree that it'd be
much easier and more sane to adopt the
UBC Card for transit purposes? After all,
the mere idea that one would pay $22
every month for the daily, rush hour pleasure of squeezing on and off overloaded
buses should keep future anthropologists
busy for centuries to come.
Inside This Issue:
Brainteasers 2
The Bachelorette 3
Filler 3
Pick Up Lines 4
Summer List 4
Tips 4
More Pick Ups 5
Popstrip 5
SUS Greetings 6
Council Elections 8
SUS Facts 1-8
Blue Science jackets used to be even
more popular than the red ones Engineers now wear.
THE PERR^ BIBLE FELLOWSHIP Vi NICHOLAS GUREWITCH
Worry not,m\j friend.
This monkey will
Swjf-Hy scamper
Jo safety Page Two
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
06 September 2005
Volume Nineteen
Issue One
06 September 2005
Editors
Lik Hang Lee
Vivian W H Lee
Contributors
Kiran Bisra
Howard Choy
Mike Duncan
Cameron Funnell
Lisa Frey
Nicholas Gurewitch
Sean Kearney
Thomas Luo
Jonathan Lam
Patricia Lau
Lik Hang Lee
Vivian W H Lee
Paul Lu
Francis Moon
Stephen Notley
Andrew Provan
Jamil Rhajiak
Christa VanLaerhoven
Jensen Wong
Printed by
Horizon Publications
1983 Pandora St.
Vancouver, BC
Legal Information
All views expressed in this issue
are strictly those of the individual
writers, and as such are not the
responsibility of the 432, The Science Undergraduate Society of University of British Columbia, or the
Faculty of Science.
Writers and cartoonists are encouraged to submit their material to the
432. Submissions must meet the
requirements of making the editor
chuckle at least thrice, and contain
the author's name and contact
information.
Send your submissions to
the432@gmail.com.
Brain Teasers from
THE GUIDE
Wait no more! Here are the answers!
Secret Code:
What common 3 word saying is represented by:
 1 33 52 M A K 99 W 33 52 /
Answer: "Haste Makes Waste"
The letters are just letters and the numbers represent the atomic
number of an element and the element's abbreviation can be substituted in to solve the problem creating the saying Haste Makes
Waste.
1=H which is Hydrogen
33=AS which is Arsenic
52=TE which is Tellurium
99=ES which is Einsteinium
Ice Boat
On a hot summer day by a lake you are determined to build a boat made of ice, using a
refrigeration unit and a large mold in which you can pour water. Nearby you notice an
Egyptian mummy resting on a pile of wood pulp. What is the best strategy for building an
ice boat that will not melt before you sail it across the lake?
Answer: Forget about the mummy. Add the wood pulp to the water
and freeze the mixture. The resulting solid, called pykrete, will have
incredibly useful properties. For example, several decades ago
Geoffrey Nathaniel Pyke (1894-1948) showed that the frozen mixture was extremely hard to break and very slow to melt. If a ship
were made of pykrete, it would be unsinkable; torpedoes could hit
it and do little damage. Pykrete has a crush resistance of greater
that 3,000 pounds per square inch. A 1-inch column of pykrete can
support an automobile. The wood pulp also makes the pykrete
extremely stable at high temperatures. If a .303 caliber bullet is
fired at the pykrete, it will penetrate only 6.5 inches. The United
States and Canada were so impressed with the idea of assembling
pykrete warships that a 60-foot-long, 1,000-ton pykrete ship was
built in one month on a Canadian lake and never melted through
the hot summer.
Rectangle at the Corner
In the above figure, the rectangle at the corner measures 5 cm x 10 cm. What is the
radius of the circle in cm?
Answer:
10cm
^\
/ x-5
\ X
-1           \
x-10
Let x = radius of the circle in cm.
From the diagram, we can see a right angle triangle. Thus we can use
the Pythagorean theorem.
(x- 10)2 + (x-5)2 = x2
x2 + 100 - 20x + x2 + 25 - lOx = x2
x2 - 30x + 125 = 0
x2 - 25x - 5x + 125 = 0
x (x - 25) - 5 (x - 25) = 0
(x - 5) (x - 25) = 0
x = 5 , x = 25
But x cannot equal 5. Therefore, the radius of the circle is 25 cm.
CREEPY
WAGER
One day, John and Sue were
out hiking. They saw a few
tarantulas on the way. This
gave John an idea to win
some money. "Sue," he said,
"I'll bet you five dollars that the
tarantula over there can crawl
without using its own leg muscles." Sue thought that she
would win, but she didn't. How
can this be?
Answer: Tarantulas do not
use muscles to move their
legs. They control the
amount of blood pumped
into them to extend and
retract their legs.
SUS Facts
There are various SUS Facts placed
throughout this edition of "The 432".
They are located in boxes like those
below. Happy Reading!
"The 432" is know for it's fantastic yearly spoof edition, labeled the "Black
Plague". Tast year, our edition, titled
"The Far From Straight", was placed into
"Georgia Straight" news boxes, causing
mass confusion and chaos.
Several years ago, the building in which
SUS was located burnt down because
the SUS President and his girlfriend,
who were living there, left a hotplate
The 432 normally publishes 13 issues a
year.
The movie "Apollo 13" popularized the
phrase "Houston, we have a problem."
The phrase "Houston, we have a problem" has never been printed in any of
the 432s ever printed.
Science has five representatives on AMS
Council.
The new Science Social Space is a
2.4 million dollar project with close
to one million dollars coming from
Science students.
The SUS Office/Lounge is in Teonard S.
Klink 202 06 September 2005
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
Page Three
UBC Student Wins "The Bachelorette"
Andrew Provan
Classified sources have announced
that UBC student Brian Hardy has
won the latest installment of the TV
reality show The Bachelorette. This latest
season, which will air this fall on the Fox
network, follows the successful formula of
its preceding seasons. Basically, an attractive, intelligent woman spends personal,
meaningful, romantic time with each of a
horde of men, before choosing one with
whom to live happily ever after.
In this case, the woman is 24-year-old
Tanya Keating, a compassionate and
endearing blonde with a Stanford Psychology degree and a spellbinding smile. And
her chosen partner for life? UBC's own
Brian Hardy, a 23-year-old muscular football player who just finished his Commerce degree.
When asked how she felt about Brian,
Tanya spoke enthusiastically and earnestly.
"I love him so much. He's the most wonderful guy in the world; we definitely have
something special. UBC should be very
proud to have been graced with such a
gentleman."
Brian was asked what it was like to win
the show and be engaged to Tanya. "It's
awesome," he said. "Yeah, there's definitely something special between us, especially when she's in a bikini. On the show
we'd always hit up the hot tub, and I'd just
stare at her. Of course I pretended to listen
to what she was saying, and I'd nod and
stuff, but I just zoned out and stared at her
breasts." Brian also commented on the
tough competition during the show. "Yeah,
there were, like, 20 other guys, and they all
wanted to win but they didn't have the
goods. Sure, they all had great personalities, but personalities are overrated. You
can fake who you are for a month, no problem, but some things you can't fake. Also,
some things are more important than others. There are three things that'll win you
any woman in the world: a big chest, big
arms, and killer abs, and I've got all three.
Boo-yeah!"
Tanya spoke about their future together.
"He's got such a great personality," she
said. I know we'll be really happy together. He'll be such a great father for our kids."
Brian also discussed their future. "Yeah,
I'll have kids...when I'm dead! The last
thing I need is some little shits with my
inherited big chest, arms and abs running
FILLER
Paul Lu
GOLLY YES!
Impressionable First-Year
Science Students!
*0
Your average will drop 30%!
You'll have no idea why you're here!
• • « Your major will change several times possibly
landing you in the Arts Faculty!
v    AND NOBODY LOVES YOU!
My boyfriend loves me...
I think.,.   But my mom says
I'm smart...
What?
Better I tell them now
than wait for life to do
i ^,.   you when
N>'vVvK?irst"Year
:4 m /,
around trying to compete for my wife's
breasts. And I could never put them on
bought milk; that would just be inhumane." Brian was asked if there were any
moments during the show when he
thought he'd lost. "Yeah, there were a couple of close calls," he said. "When we were
going to meet her family.. .man, that whole
day was sketchy. On our way to her house,
I told her that I was excited. 'Nervous-
excited?' she asked me. 'No,' I said.
'Happy-excited, like when you know
you're getting close to scoring some hot
girl who has double the friends, ambitions
and IQ that you do.' Tuckily I convinced
her I was joking."
"Then, when I met her family and went
inside, Tanya showed me her grandfather's
ashes that were in a vase on the mantelpiece. When I thought nobody was looking, I reached into the vase, grabbed a
handful, and stuffed it in my pocket so I
could smoke it later. But Tanya's eight-
year-old brother saw me and asked me
why I did that. I told him to shut up, and
that if he ever told anyone, I'd rip out his
intestines and make him eat them. When
we were leaving and I thought everything
was gonna be okay, Tanya's dad came up to
me. He led me into his study and told me
that I was a selfish, no-good scoundrel
with no integrity, no empathy, and no conscience. He told me that I'd never have his
daughter. There was a golf club lying on
his desk, so when he turned to go, I
grabbed it and smashed him over the head.
"Tuckily, I told the family that he slipped
and fell. When he woke up, he couldn't
even remember having met me."
Tanya also commented on the incident.
"Brian's compassion really shone through
that day. He was really concerned for my
dad; he told us that we ought to be more
careful about keeping the wooden floors
dry so this wouldn't happen again."
Congratulations to Brian and Tanya on
their engagement. And Brian, we're proud
to call you our own!
SUS has consistently beat the EUS at the
annual fall chariot race hosted by the
Engineers!
SUS has 3 main publications: The 432,
The Paradigm and The Guide.
C£>
Biophysics Student Society
OPEN HOUSE
"How about eoofces sinddrmfa?
Comefo
Ffcasscc (Hen* 307)
12 nccn, "Glii^s. Sepfc. 3£lt
'For
cold drinks and yummy cooki.es
and hang1 with the awesome folks of Biophysics!
P.S. Stay tuned for our annual Welcome-Back BBQ!
you wanna get
Who:
What:
When:
Where:
Why:
First year students looking for a great way
get involved in the University
First meeting of the year!
Wednesday. September 21nd at 4:32pm
SUS Lounge, LSK 202
Because in first year, you still think you:re
going to med school! Page Four
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
06 September 2005
Top Ten Physics TA Pickup Lines
Physics Females - We're Spectacularly Awesome
Christa VanLaerhoven
Q: What do you get when you combine
too much caffeine, too little sleep, and far
too many math/physics assignments?
A: A list of pickup lines that address the
situation of a female student who has a
very attractive (or at least attractive
because he can raise her mark) physics TA.
1) I'm female.
2) Is my op-amp burning, or are you just
smoking hot?
3) Want to measure some bed spring constants?
4) I bet your natural log is massive.
5) Want to show me your solid state?
6) I bet I could stimulate your emissions.
7) TDD you ; load you into variable D
TDY me ; load me into variable Y
EMUL; extended multiply
8) Want to form an orthogonal basis?
9) Would you like to take my inner product sometime?
10) Is that a dirac delta function in your
pants or are you just happy to see me?
Have no fear, Oh Reader, if you don't
know what some of these lines reference. If
you want to find out, drop by the Physsoc
lounge in Hennings 307.
Top 10 List of Things You Wish You
Had Done This Summer
Jensen Wong
Y
ou wish you had.
10) drunk until you dropped
(no I am not Barney)
9) completed your summer school homework on Wreck Beach naked everyday
(I did not go to summer school but I did
go to Wreck Beach)
8) tanked yourself like the engineers
would to you if you were to...
7) defaced the engineering cairn
(I pass, but no, I am not a coward)
6) climbed Everest
(been there, done that...ugh...I lied)
5) named one of the UBC buildings after
yourself
(why couldn't I???)
4) taken a flight on the Vomit Comet
(maybe some day)
3)  parachuted from 50,000ft,  without a
parachute
(uh oh)
2) written all the 432 articles for the rest of
the year
(my plan to world domination)
and last of all,
( drum roll please! )
1) you wish you had thought of all these
ideas earlier so you could have actually
done them
(sucker!)
THE SCIENCE UNDERGRADUATE SOCIETY CORDIALLY
INVITES YOU TO: Sit
SUS
GETS
SAUCED
DRAFT BZZR: Si
COLD 5h0ts: $2
:
WHEN: 7-1 lpm WEDS. SEPT
. 14th   X
PSYDER: $3 or 2 for $5
T. mn^jjk
where: SUB PARTYR00M       ^SFfji
WHY: BECAJSE THERES CHEAP BZZR, LIVE
MUSIC, AND DAMN GOOD COMPANY'
INFO: Sean ©604.616.7124
Science Does Beef and Buns BBQ
When: Wednesday, September 14th. 11 am - 9pm
Where:       On the grass between Chemistry and Angus
Why: CHEAPANDHCJT-THE WAY YOU LI KE IT!
SUS gives out roughly $18,000 to science
clubs.
SUS has 10 executive members.
SUS Meetings are held every Thursday
from 1:00 to 2:00 in SUB Council
Chambers.
Science has consistently been the
highest scoring faculty in terms of
intramural (UBC Rec/Legacy Games)
participation for the past several years.
SUS makes over 2000 litres of Blue Jello
for Jello wrestling during
Science Week.
The average science student has no idea
what SUS is or why they pay $22 in
SUS fees.
SUS gives Science intramurals teams
rebates of up to 60%.
SUS has over 40 councillors, over 50 if
ex-officios are counted.
SUS represents roughly 7000 undergraduate students.
SUS has the cheapest photocopier on
camps at 5c/copy paper included.
Biweekly Tips from Your VPX
Jonathan Lam
T
ip #1: Flushing Techniques for
Bathroom Urinals
(Note: This guide is not intended for
use with self-flushing urinals)
A common mistake for most male-
washroom urinal users is often made
in the flushing of said facility. The
error in judgement is usually due to
the relative obscurity of the urinal in
human male natural habitats (ie:
houses and such). In most homes,
urination is directed towards a toilet
bowl, and it is the bowl that is the
familiar receptacle of urine for most
males, and not the urinal. While
many structures and functions of toilet bowls are analogous to those of
urinals, it is important to note that the
flushing mechanisms of both are
quite distinct, and this is why
improper flushing of urinals is so
rampant in public bathrooms (where
the majority of urinals are found). For
almost all toilet bowls, the flush
sequence can be initiated by a single
light depression of the flush lever,
often found at the side of the toilet
bowl casing. Once depressed, the toilet automatically follows through the
flush and drains the toilet bowl of
water and urine. In this manner, a
user needs only to press the flush
lever of a toilet once and leave. This is
not so for a urinal. In the evolution of
the urinal, it was seen that toilet
bowls consumed far too much water
and more efficient mechanisms were
needed.
Several of the features of the urinal
are adopted to suit this aim. In
particular, the flush mechanism of a
urinal is no longer automated. Unlike
its bowl predecessor, the flush cycle
of a urinal is in effect only while the
flush lever is actively depressed.
Thus, when a user employs the
depress/release/leave technique - a
technique that would allow for
adequate flushing of a toilet bowl -
on a urinal, the result is a urinal
which has only been partially drained
of its waste contents. Therefore it is
imperative that urinal users be
instructed to remain at the urinal and
depress the flush lever for the entire
duration of the flush cycle. For the
average urinal, this period should last
no less than 5 seconds. 06 September 2005
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
Page Five
Transit Pick Ups
Howard Choy
Nothing really makes sense when
you're in that state of total infatuation. Everything that happens
seems to be some kind of sign that everything will work out. We mock and tease the
poor fools who can't see the hints on reality dating shows, but fail to see them for
ourselves when we are in the situation.
That said, I'm no better myself. I was on the
subway going to work when an attractive
girl sat beside me when there was clearly
an open seat right across from me beside
the fat hair guy with the sleeveless t-shirt.
The little voice inside my head said to me,
"Dude, she's totally digging you. She chose
you over that other guy. If she was totally
apathetic, she would have chosen to stand,
but she didn't! She's sitting beside you! Go
for it!"
I'm very easily swayed, so I decided to
obey the little voice and be the pimp that I
know that I can be. I turned to her, smiled,
but said nothing. She got a little fidgety
and sort of looked at me out of the corner
of her eye. I took this as a sign that I was
making her uncomfortable, but my little
voice was pretty persistent. "Dude! She's
looking at you! She likes what she sees! Tell
her she's pretty or some shit!"
"I'm not saying that!" I replied.
"Pardon me?" said the girl.
"Busted!" said the little bastard in my
head.
My smile turned into a blank stare. I think
a little drool came out because she started
staring at the corner of my mouth. "H-h-hi
there. Do you have a tissue?"
She looked into her purse, grabbed a tissue, and handed it to me. I took it and pretended to blow my nose, but I actually
wiped my mouth, hoping that she actually
didn't notice. I picked my balls up off of
the floor and said to her, "Thanks for the
tissue, allergies you know ... so where are
you headed?"
Amazingly enough, she didn't ignore me.
She turned to me and said, "I'm on my way
to work"
"Oh me too! I work at the Starbucks on
Thurlow and Robson!" Shit. I should have
lied. I watch TV, I could have made up any
number of interesting sounding jobs. Shit.
"Really? Me too! It's my first day today.
I'm Petra"
Shit yea! She's my new hot co-worker and
I'm ahead of the game! "Hi Petra, I'm Gordon, nice to meet you. Which corner are
you assigned to? I'm usually at the newer
looking one. It's nice because it smells
nicer."
She looked at her watch to check if she
was late, and without looking up she said,
"Yea, me too."
The next stop was ours. We got off together. When we got to the shop, I opened the
door for her because I'm a smooth operator. I helped with her introductions. At the
end of our shift, which went quite well, she
actually said to me, "Thanks for making
my shift easier. It was nice to sort of know
someone before throwing me in the fire,
you know?"
"Oh I totally know. No problem!" she
soooo digs me.
I managed to grab her number before she
got off at the stop before mine. She took my
number too. I give her a cool peace sign
and when the train left, I struted to my
building like it ain't no thang. I resisted the
temptation to call her later that night
because I didn't want to seem all desperate
or anything. I'm not desperate. I spent the
night staring at the phone, hoping that she
would call. She doesn't, but I managed to
accomplish ... nothing actually. I basically
sat there the entire night, except when I got
up to put my dinner in the microwave. She
was playing hard to get. Oh Petra, that's
sooooo been done. I called her when I
woke up the next morning. She picked up
after four rings. "Hello?"
"Hey, it's Gordon from work! Top of the
mornin to ya!" Girls love children's cereal
references - they think it's endearing. "Do
you have work today? Cause I do. I was
wondering maybe we'd train there together cause, you know, that's good times."
"Hey Gordon. I was up pretty late last
night, today's my day off. I think I'm just
staying in with a movie or two."
"That sounds awesome! Jos from work,
you know Jos? The girl with the pigtails?
Yea, she said she wanted to take my shift
anyway. So what are you watching?"
"Uh, I don't know yet. How about I'll
meet you at the video store in a few
hours?"
"That sounds great! I'll call you later."
I am so set. A few hours huh? In a few
hours it would be late afternoon, and after
watching a movie it would be evening.
Right in time for dinner and perhaps a little coitus! She was so into the Gord it was
embarrassing. I got dressed and decided to
wait for her at the video store, browsing
through romantic comedies and whatnot.
My plan was to steer her towards "The
Notebook" because the word on the street
is that no girl can resist "The Notebook". I
got to the Blockbuster close to her stop two
hours later but she wasn't there. I resisted
the urge to call her again because I decided
to play it out cool like ice. I felt as if I had
been browsing forever when my phone
finally rung. It's Petra. "Yo."
"Hey, I'm heading to the video store now.
The Blockbuster by my stop, you know the
one?"
"Yea I know, I'll be there in a bit." I lied. I
know. I decided at the last moment that it
probably isn't a good idea to be there waiting.
I walked out of the store and to a used
bookstore a few blocks down and read
some blurbs in the romance section. After
three or four I decide to go back, but she
still wasn't there yet. I'm not one to gamble,
so this time I waited in the action section.
She showed up fifteen minutes later looking like a princess in her sweats and pony-
tail. I pretended I didn't see her and I
picked up a DVD to look preoccupied. She
went right up to me and looked at the
cover. "To Wong Foo eh? I thought it was
pretty funny."
To Wong Foo? Shit! What the hell is this
doing in the action section? "Oh uh, this,
yea, it was pretty funny, Wesley Snipes is
my favourite when he's busting vampires
and whatnot. Not when he's dressed as a
woman, or anything."
She giggles at my discomfort. She thinks
I'm cute! "You're just like my brother."
Her brother? Dude. That's just not cool. I
mean, she's pretty, sure, she's cool to come
out and meet me and whatever, but I don't
intend on satisfying her sick incestuous
fantasies about her brother. I don't think
it's going to work out between us.
write ^
We are always looking
for new writers, satirical
or serious.
We are also looking for
cartoonists, photographers, editors, and
helpers.
Send us your best work!
Please send
submissions or enquiries
to the432@gmail.com
£   I UPe. in the FopCap tank...
...so ft Ftftfows that
evi\ js m&re\y a &&&'<&/
construct, and has no
intrinsic reality. fQo^ y&i
agree?*
HEY CHEMISTS,
Wanna fail your CHEM lab?
If you answered yes, then please ignore the rest of this ad.
If you answered no, then it might be worthwhile to keep going...
ii      r    c
I lie   ^^ ndergraduate  V^hemistry   ^^^ociety
has all your one-stop shopping needs, whether you're looking for Lab
jycs Manuals, or lab safety equipment.
Drop by the UCS LOUNGE during the first week of school and we'll
hook you up!
E8£
r
1
!r' A
UNIVERSITY BOULEVARD Page Six
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
06 September 2005
Greetings From SUS
Patricia Lau
President
Welcome back everyone! I hope you all had an awesome summer and are excited
to be back to school and campus life! The really exciting SUS news is that our
social space, soon to be officially coined "The Tadha Science Student Centre"
passed all the various levels of approval over the summer, and perhaps, as you are
reading this, a big hole is being dug in the ground between Chem / Phys Building and
Hebb Theatre. Construction for our brand new, 7000+ square feet, 2.4 million dollar
building will begin in early September with an expected completion date of April/May
2006. Watch for updates about the space here in the 432 and on our website at
www.sus.ubc.ca. Incidentally, we have a brand new website with a new design and a lot
more content so make sure to check that out!
Otherwise, don't forget to run in our elections or join a committee or two this year.
And, as always, watch out for some amazing events from SUS this year. Have a great first
week back!
Kiran Bisra
VP Internal
W
hat does SUS do for me? What do you do for SUS? Why do you not have
clothes on? I get these questions almost on a daily basis. Therefore, I've
decided to adopt this format for submitting my exec reports.
I hope to clearly and concisely lay out what I've been working on.
Therefore, what did I do this summer for SUS? What did I organize, work on, or fuck
up?
1. First Year BBQ - Free Burger for First Year Students
What: BBQ for Science Students
When: Wednesday, September 14th 11:00 am-2:00 pm
Where: On the grass between Chemistry and Angus
Why: We all love beef between our buns
2. First Year Committee - We are looking for members NOW!!
Although I chair the First Year Committee, this committee is comprised of First
Year students. We organize events such as BBQs and hot chocolate days.
This is a great opportunity for first year students to get involved with the
Science Undergraduate Society, meet other students, fine tune their skills, and
have a great time!
What: First Meeting
When: Wednesday, September 21st   4:32 pm
Where: SUS Tounge (Teonard S. Klink Building 202)
Why: It is a great way for first year students to get involved on campus
3. Fall Elections - Run for a position!
I did any organizing, advertising, and setting up that is required to be done in
the summer. I will turn over all duties to the Elections Administrator on
September 8th. For more information on positions available, nominations, etc.
check out www.sus.ubc.ca.
Nominations Close:
Elections Start:
Elections End:
September 20th at 4:32 pm
September 27th
September 4th
4. SUS gets a new Website
We got ourselves a cute, blue, hopefully helpful website this summer. I
worked on the content for the Academic and Elections Sections. Tet me know
if there is something in the Academics section you'd like to see.
5. Imagine
I coordinated with Imagine Central, the Dean of Science's Office and SUS to
organize the "Meet the Dean" session. I, along with Tisa Frey (SUS's Sexy
Secretary), wrote the "Choose your Major" script, the banter from the MCs, and
Finnegan's Wake.
6. The Guide
I hope all of you diligently read The Guide-I know I didn't. I was responsible
or submitting ads and doing a "What does a VP Lnternal do?" blurb.
7. TTC-Teaching Targe Classes
This is an initiative to help ease the strains of teaching and learning in large
classes. I represented the student's point of view on an advisory committee.
The committee was made of the Associate Dean, Skylight, the Dean's Office,
SUS President, and a few others.
8. SUS Magnets
I'm hoping to order some SUS magnets and perhaps even give them out to
first year students.
9. Internal Matters
Although, it is of no consequence to most of you, I am working on organizing
a retreat to whistler for the SUS council.
10. Exec Report
Writing this exec report for the 432. I thought I'd add this in and make it an
even 10.
Please send any concerns, comments, or questions to
vpi.sus@gmail.com
t»*
Jonathan Lam
VP External
It just hit me - I'm writing this report as VP External and not D. of P., that's so weird...
So anyway, I hope you've all had a good summer. I don't know about you guys, but
I'm glad school's started up again. It means no more commuting to work every day.
So on the SUS front, things have been chugging along over the summer, your execs
have been hard at work planning out the rest of the year. Personally, I'm ready to put
together the awesomest Science Week in recent memory. But in order to do that, I'll
need a committee of some sort... a committee like... SCIENCE WEEK COMMITTEE. So
the committee hasn't met yet, I'm still waiting for after the SUS Elections aftermath to
finalize a meeting time, but if you're interested in being part of the coolest SUS
committee that plans the coolest week of the year, then definitely get in touch. There's a
bunch of info on our recently redeisgned, sexy-as-f***, totally amazing website, so check
it out.
So you may or may not know, but my job as VPX also means I represent you on AMS
council. You also may or may not know that the AMS is UBCs all-encompassing student
government. Along with Patricia, the President, and Mke, Chris and Reka, your three
elected AMS reps, we go to boring AMS council and committee meetings to make sure
your voices get heard, and to fill you in on what the AMS is doing on behalf of "students". If ever you have a question about the AMS or about what we do as AMS reps, feel
free to give us a shout. You can find our contact info on the SUS website
[www.sus.ubc.ca].
So what kinds of things have we been up to over the summer? Not too much,
although excitingly (and of particular relevance), the AMS did approve our occupancy
agreement with the University that basically says we get to live in the Science Social
Space (now officially "The Tadha Science Student Centre") once it's built. En the process
of approval, the AMS also wanted to make sure we would include "non-gendered"
bathrooms. We told them we'd look into it... (and I think they believed us...) Among other
things discussed were Marine Drive Residences, the AMS Budget, and new renovations
to the SUB (as I'm sure you've all noticed).
Other than that, I just thought I'd let you all know that anyone can show up to AMS
council meetings. They're every other Wednesday night in SUB council Chambers. And
rumour has it they have free food for people who come... >_>
Lisa Frey
Secretary
So when I asked my fellow executives what exactly made this write up different from
the blurb I just wrote for the Guide (the comprehensive publication that is mailed to
every Science student in the summer), they were a tad bit patronizing. "Everyone
knows, Lisa, The Guide is a serious publication designed to welcome and inform our new
student body, and The 432 is full of raunchy jokes and crude obscenities, designed to
appall the weak and harbor the vile. Adapt your blurb accordingly."
Oh no! My Guide blurb was already full of innuendo, insolence and borderline
ineptitude. What the hell could I do to top it?
And then the answer came to me. There was only thing I could do to make my blurb
stand out, to really set it apart from the rest of this seedy, amoral publication....
I was forced to take the write up seriously.
My name is Tisa Frey and I am the incoming Executive Secretary. I chair the Code
and Policy Committee, the brave stewards of our Constitution, ensuring SUS stays
effective and relevant to science students. I am in charge of minutes and agendas, official
correspondence of the society, and making sure that there is always at least one working
whiteboard marker in the office.
Alright, so that was a little bit insolent, but my intentions were pure. Unfortunately,
that's all the room I have because I used half of my word allowance on this compelling
narrative. So let's get down to business.
Wanna be part of Code and Policy Committee? Wanna hear material too tasteless
even for The 432? Wanna win a date with Jonathan Tarn, SUS's Greatest Tove Machine?
Email me: lisa.frey@gmail.com.
Cameron Funnell
Senate
Ah my first exec report... .and alas I have little to report as Senate doesn't meet in
the Summer. At the last Senate meeting on May 17th, there were many committee reports. Ten ! That's a lot. It was a long meeting. The longest and most
entertaining was the "Ad hoc Committee to Review Senate". Peter Burns gave an
animated account of the committee's activities and distributed a detailed report. The
major conclusions were that a) Senate is doing ok b) some committees need to be
discontinued or have more specific mandates c) some Senate meetings should be
devoted to broad academic issues and d) a few other things. Riveting no?
Other notable information from the meeting: UBC is establishing a School of
Architecture and Tandscape Architecture (it isn't really new, they're just merging the
Architecture and the Tandscape Architecture Schools and putting them under the
faculty of Applied Science). Required TOFEL scores for Graduate School have been
revised (most went up, some went down). Several Science professors became eligible
for Emeritus Status. Congratulations to Dr. Adler, Dr. Dolphin, Dr. Hardy, Dr. Heywood,
and... Dr. James Carolan!!!!
The next Senate Meeting is on Wednesday September 21st in Room 102 of the Curtis
building. Come on out and catch some of the excitement. 06 September 2005
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
Page Seven
UUH WHO ARE YOU AGAIN?
Lik Hang Lee
D. of Publications
H
ello and welcome (back) to UBC. I hope you enjoyed your Summer and are once
again ready to get into the swing of things.
This is the first edition of "The 432". Everything in here is written for and by people
like you! We publish every two weeks and thus require a lot of material. So if you have
something to share, an opinion to express or a list you don't want to forget, just jot it
down and send it to the432@gmail.com. We'll get it published and there will forever be
a piece of you in the paper!
"The Paradigm" is another one of our publications and it comes out twice a year.
This is geered towards the research/academic aspects. So anything you're working on can
be sent in to susparadigm@gmail.com.
The Guide should require no introduction. You have all received one and enjoyed it
so much that you've read it front to back several times already!
There are also many other opportunities to get involved. Putting together a paper
isn't as easy as you think! Join us for layout, editing, and anything else you can think of!
You get exclusive access to the IFPO and tons of food!
So enjoy this edition and remember to get involved through whatever means you
want!
Write and submit and we mean YOU!
Francis Moon
D. of Finance
H
ello to all the science students out there!
My name is Francis Moon and I am your Director of Finance for 2005-2006. As you've
probably read in the new Guide (because there's so much useful information there), I am
basically in charge of our $160,000 budget which mainly consists of your student fees. I
also have to make sure that our budget doesn't go into the "red" and that it comes out
balanced at the end. This year, we've had a reduction of enrollment in the Faculty of
Science. Due to this reduction, we're starting off the year with about $4,000 less revenue
than last year. However, we'll do everything possible to ensure that this reduction does
not limit or reduce the quality of events or services we provide throughout the year.
I am also looking for people to work with me in the Budget Committee, which
involves distributing funds to science clubs, allocating conference grants, raising
revenues, and discussing how we can make most of our funds. Took for the committee
appointment notices in the upcoming issues of the 432 or feel free to join our weekly
meeting every Thursday at 1:00 pm in the SUB council chambers.
If you need contact me about anything - well maybe not anything - about SUS
related things, feel free to email me at moon@interchange.ubc.ca.
I hope everyone has a great year and I'll try my best to keep SUS away from bankruptcy (seriously).
Sean Kearney
SoCo
ley, I'm Sean the new SUS SoCo and I'm te
you to come to SUS GETS SAUCED on WEDS.
iEPT. 14th in the SUB PARTYROOI
•v,
io see the following:
Cheap bOOze... read: $1 dra
eople aggressivly gett
m
Oh yeah, hit me back if you want to:
with this or future events!
604.616.7124 / seonkearney@sliaw.ca
Michael Duncan
Public Relations
Welcome back all you wonderful science students. You are all wonderful because
you are reading the 432 (the best publication on campus). I am giving you the
traditional welcome back message as your Public Relations Officer and as your
AMS representative. What I need to tell you is that if you don't come to SUS events, you
are going to have to deal with me and my crazy advertising antics. As with most of you,
I am looking forward to a great year. All the superb events put on by your dedicated
Science Undergraduate Society will make this year great. I plan on selling one dollar
burgers during "buck-a-beaker" events. You can buy a burger for a buck and wash it
down with a bzzr for another buck. Sounds sweet? That's because it is. If you want any
more info on my other events, committees, or positions you can check out "The Guide"
publication, the SUS website (www.sus.ubc.ca), or you can e-mail me at
pro.sus@gmail.com.
Jamil Rhajiak
D. of Sports
Hey everyone! It's Jamil, your friendly faculty of Science Director of Sports. Hopefully all of you have had a chance to read The Guide 2005 and have seen that I'm
looking for a sports committee to help plan out wickedly awesome sports events.
If you're interested in being part of this AMAZING committee then just drop me an email
at jrhajiak@interchange.ubc.ca with just a quick blurb on why you want to be part of the
committee and what you could contribute to it!
Fn other news, the school year is starting (DUH) and with that comes REGISTRATION
DEADTINES from UBC REC!!! If you didn't know what leagues UBC REC provides
here's a quick overview: Cross Volleyball, Nitobe Basketball, Point Grey Flag Football,
Dodgeball, Ultimate, Todd Ice Hockey, Bodin Ball Hockey, and Handley Cup Soccer. Registration for fall leagues starts on September 6th 2005 and depending on the league; end
sometime in the second or third week of September (stay tuned to the SUS and UBC REC
websites for specific deadlines). UBC REC also provides tones of other opportunities to
be active on campus; they offer loads of instructional courses and have many special
events and tournaments. For more specifics check out the UBC REC website at
www.rec.ubc.ca or head on down to the SRC (Student Recreation Centre) and pick up a
copy of the 05.06 Fall/Winter Program Guide for FREE!!
Finally, don't forget that once you have your team of science students together and registered for a league sport or special event you can come down to the SUS lounge (TSK
202) and pick up a "Science Sports Rebate Form" which will allow you to be partially
reimbursed for your registration fees.
"The 432" is older than some first year
students! The first edition was published in 1987.
Writing for "The 432" can win you
prizes!
The SUS mascot "Tab Rat" is actually
powered and controlled by a prototype
android. It's functionality was cut back
after an incident during Science Week
1997. But we don't talk about that
anymore.
POWER GLORY MONEY PRESTIGE SUCCESS SEX
SEX SUCCESS PRESTIGE MONEY GLORY POWER
POWER GLORY MONEY PRESTIGE SUCCESS SEX
SEX SUCCESS PRESTIGE MONEY GLORY POWER
POWER GLORY MONEY PRESTIGE SUCCESS SEX
SEX SUCCESS PRESTHjE MONEY GLORY POWER
Power
SEX SUCCESS PRESTM1M0NEY GLORY POWER
POWER GLORY MONEY PRESTIGE SUCCESS SEX
SEX SUCCESS PHI
www.ams.ubc.ca/elections
2S
''ftlAr Page Eight
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
06 September 2005
Do YOU want to be a SUS Councilor?
Here are some of your responsibilities:
Promoting SUS events through class announcements and posters
Contributing a minimum of three volunteer hours during Science Week
Attending Council meetings
Being a member of a minimum of two committees
Delivering the 432 and the Paradigm
Holding one office hour a week
Having a lot of fun and meeting new people
SUS Council - time to make decisions!
SUS Council is the voting body that governs the Society If you want to get involved on council, the best place to start
is as a department or program representative on SUS Council. The following positions are available:
Biochemistry and Molecular Biology   Biology
Computer Science
Geography
Pharmacology and Physiology
Coordinated Science Program
First Year Representatives (2)
Earth and Ocean Sciences
Mathematics and Statistics
Physics and Astronomy
Integrated Science Program
General Officers (4)
Chemistry
General Science
Microbiology and Immunology
Psychology
Science One Program
If you are interested in running for any of these positions, fill out the nomination form below and drop it off at the
SUS ( LSK Room 202). Another way you can get involved in SUS Council is by being the SUS rep for a SUS club!
In addition, there are several non-elected, non-voting positions who significantly contribute to the smooth running
of SUS. We need people to help out: Room Managers who will maintain the SUS Office; Sales Manager who will be
in charge of designing, purchasing, and selling SUS merchandise; Webmaster who will update and maintain the SUS
website; Beer God(dess) who will be the Social Coordinator's right hand (wo)man; and Editors for the 432 and the
Paradigm.
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