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UBC Publications

The 432 Mar 23, 1993

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 'The only people allowed to refer
to themselves in the singular as
'we' are newspaper editors and
people with tapeworms."
(Charming thought, that...)
The Newspaper for People Who Like Marmosets
fol6No12'23March'93
PEROT WINS AUS ELECTIONS
Texas billionaire's grass-roots party sweeps Arts in surprise victory
Kevin Phillips Bong
Roving Correspondent
VANCOUVER—History was
made this week as independent political sensation Ross
Perot, backed by his grassroots United We Stand (But
Not Very Tall) America movement, swept the UBC Arts
Undergraduate Society elections in one of the most dramatic and hotly contested
races in AUS history.
"'!._ Ji..iinuiiive Texan,
buoyed by a late surge in student support, took an impressive 36% of the popular vote,
winning 9 of the 25 votes cast.
Exit polls indicate his recent
speaking engagement at the
AMS Tuition Rally was a
major boost to the campaign.
Said Perot of his victory,
"Well, I gotta tell ya, this a
great day for the people, a
great day. Hell, I haven't had
this much fun since ol' Granny
Perot got her shawl caught in
the shaft of the oil drill. Turns
out the centrifugal force alone
threw 'er clear to Fort Worth,
heh, heh,heh... "
Perot's winning slate included
some other famous vertically-
challenged candidates. Said
Vice-President (Admin)-eleci;
and former Massachusetts
Governor Michael Dukakis,
"In the tradition of other great
Democrats of our time, I'd just
like to take this opportunity to
say, "Ich bin ein Artister.'"
Said tiny international celebrity Dudley Moore of his victo
ry as Treasurer, "Oh, screw the
election. I came to this bloody
place for the cheap drinks...
Hobson! Bring the car
around!"
Local boy Michael J. Fox was
more philosophical of his tri
umph as AUS General Officer.
"It's like joining a family, like
the one I had on Family Ties...
you remember that show,
don't you? Everybody did, just
like Mash and Cheers... you
liked that for years, right?"
Reactions from the runners-up
were mixed. Presidential
hopeful Sunshine
Hanan.whose campaign was
sensationalized by a photo
showing her topless and holding a strategically placed Arts
jacket before her, said only,
"Damn that Charest. I could
have taken Quebec if it wasn't
for that little nerd."
Yuri Fulmer, another candidate
for the top job, was unavailable for comment at press
time. Unnamed officials within the Fulmer camp hinted that
the controversial former AMS
Ombudsperson may now pursue an offer to open a travel
A'
V'v
After undergoing ear-reduction surgery, new AUS prez Perot
contemplates his victory. "Back I am. Hrmm." he said.
agency with former White
House staffer John Sununu.
A telling statistic in the election was the number of spoiled
votes cast, which totalled
2,874. According to Cheryl
Ainslie, SAC Elections
Commissioner, the unusually
high number was due to "people thinking it was another Pit
expansion referendum and just
writing yes on the ballot."
Ms. Ainslie also added that a
Mr. Michael Hamilton, a UBC
Science student, is currently
under investigation by SAC
for what she described as
"subversion of Elections procedure involving several hundred false ballots."
KEEP OUT OF REACH OF
SMALL CHILDREN.
INGREDIENTS:
OVER 95% OF CONTENTS CONSIST OF SODIUM
HYPOCHLORITE, GRAPHITE, POLYMERIZED HYDROCARBONS, AND HiMP TREES. LESS THAN 5% CONSIST OF
LEONA CLEANING THE MENTAL ICEBOX (PAGE 3),
AARON... WELL... GETS OLD, SEPARATED AT BIRTH?
(PAGE 4), DIK MILLER, BEDTIME FOR BONZO (PAGE 5),
THE MORRIS METHODS (PAGE 6), THE DRAWERS OF
SUS (PAGE 7), ROG IN REHAB (PAGE 8).
"I'M THE PRIME MINISTER, I LIVE HERE,
AND I'M GOING TO TAKE A LEAK."
THE RT. HON. LESTER B. PEARSON WHEN
INTERROGATED BY U.S. SECRET SERVICEMEN
ABOUT WHO HE WAS AND WHAT HE WAS
DOING IN HIS OWN COTTAGE.
© 1993 SCIENCE UNDERGRAD SOCIETY PUBLICATIONS.
68030    95820 ?
The Four Thirty-Two   Vol 6 No 12    March '93
Dress Your Own Dictator
Yup! Now you too can dress our beloved Sugar-Daddy, that^UBAMS
President,in the latest in spring and summer fashions for UBC students! Vol 6 No 12    March '93   The Four Thirty-Two
Condiments
Ryan McCuaig
Editor / JSttesnygg Kilk: (ring
mcj)
Roger Watts
Assistant Editor/
Konstig Fulc Fan (men inte
finsJE)
/
EDITORIAL
Contributing Writers Leona Adams,
Michael Chow, Aaron Drake, Graeme
Kennedy, Zain Khandwala, Patrick
Lum, Carmen McKnight, Derek Milter,
Jamie Morris, More People with No
Lives to Speak Of, and with me as
always is Rog.
Party on, Rog.
X
ART    and   DESIGN
Layout Graeme Kennedy, Ryan
Graeme McCuaig, Jamio
Morris, Roger Watts
Contributing Artists Melanie
Stapleton, Roger Watts
PRODUCTION
Printer College Printers, Ltd.
Vancouver
Distributor 'E's-An-'Alibut, Inc.
24 March 1993, Vol 6, No 12
The 4326oes not (See the toveli lakes) print
subliminal messages here. (The wemlerlut
telepfwe system, and lets of interesting furry
animals, incMhg the majestic mease).: i;
Leona
ADAMS
You know how it is when you
get to around the end of your
groceries, and all you really
have left are things that, well,
go with other things? You
know, stuff like salad
dressing, and peanut butter,
and ice cubes? Well, people,
it's been a long year, and I'm
digging around in my mental
fridge, and all I seem to have
left are condiments: ideas
which I couldn't stretch to fill
a reasonably-sized article, not
by any stretch of the
imagination.
Disclaimer: Some of the
following is based on fact,
whereas the rest is purely
the product of an overly
active imagination (go
figure). If one of the
characters sounds like you,
it was probably done on
purpose.
Our eyes met across the
crowded partyroom. Ashe
raised his eyebrows, he waved
a nonchalant hello. There
was something in his style, his
look, his overall aura which
radiated heat. As I
approached him, my heart
pounding increasingly louder,
my mind raced, searching for
an appropriate greeting.
Suddenly, it came to me.
"Nice suit," I said.
"Tailors. Tip Top Tailors,"
he replied.
The room was silent for but
a moment, as we continued to
stare into each other's eyes.
Then some guy in the
background yelled "Cut!"
The young man in the suit
broke from his stare and
exploded.
"What the heck is this?
Have you actually looked at
my contract recently? Have
you?"   The background guy
nodded meekly. "Well, refresh
my memory, would you
please? Actually, couldyou
go so far as to read it aloud?"
The guy in the background
who, as it turned out, was
directing some sort of
commercial had been trying to
avert the spontaneous
combustion of the suited man.
He now quietly removed a
folded sheet of paper from his
pocket.
"This contract", he read,
"signed on this day, the first
of..."
"Oh, just skip to the
stipulations already!"
"Conditions of
employment: The
undersigned agrees to
perform the services listed in
this contract provided that the
following conditions are met:
1) The female lead for the
advertisement shall be a tall,
svelte, blonde in a skimpy
black dress. Colours which
may be substituted are ..."
"Okay, hold it right there.
Okay, tall." He glanced at
me, so I made an effort not
slouch as much as I usually
do. "Fine, she can pass on
that point, but look at the rest
of the list! Svelte?! Should I
just go out and buy you a
Webster's? Are you
unfamiliar with the word?
Help me out here, Murray?
What made you think that this
would work?"
I didn't have the heart to
tell them that I actually came
in and said "my line"
spontaneously, because I
actually meant it. So while
they were preoccupied, I
decided to make a happy
getaway. Besides, I just
noticed a third man, holding a
video camera pointed in our
general direction. If there's
anything I hate more than
getting my picture taken, it's
being captured on video.
Somehow film finds a way to
accentuate my worst features.
Maybe one of my ancestors
was responsible for the death
of Mr. Kodak or something.
• • •
So I was telling my mom
about the Barenaked Ladies
concert and how happy I was
that I had gone. So she
thought that Barenaked Ladies
was the name of some new
venue of ill repute, where
women wander around
aimlessly in their birthday
suits.
"Good gravy!" I said.
"Why would I have gone to a
concert where people would
be wandering around nekkid
(for the uninitiated among
you, naked has a connotation
of innocence, like a baby,
whereas nekkid has more of a
connotation of being up to
something, like Madonna).
What do you take me for,
some kind of putz?"
Congratulations to those of
you who managed to pick up
my not-so-subliminal
message. Yes, I finally hit the
big 1-9, which, surprisingly
enough, doesn't seem to be
that big a deal. If, by some
weird twist of fate, you
managed to miss the blessed
event, there's still time to go
out and get me something
(after all, it is the thought that
counts. No, I'm not greedy at
all. What makes you say
that?).
So, to celebrate, I took a
ride around the seawall at
Stanley Park , which was an
adventure not to be missed. I
mean, I have nothing against
lovers walking hand-in-hand
(oh, who am I trying to kid?
They irritate me left, right and
centre.). Okay, although I am
not particularly fond of lovers
walking hand-in-hand, I am
remarkably less fond of lovers
walking hand-in-hand down
the middle of the bike lane. I
am even less fond of people
who discuss the positive
aspects of closing Stanley
Park to cyclists who
supposedly tear all over the
place swerving to knock over
old ladies. Although the
number of times when taking
revenge in such a way has
crossed my mind are more
numerous than I would care to
admit, I have yet to follow it
up. The next time a leashless
chihuahua wanders into my
path though...
The problems started when Darwin, after discovering the principle
of survival of the fittest, had to go out and enforce it.
Physsoc
(Bzzr Garden)
Fndoy, March 26,1992
430-
Hennings 307 4
The Four Thirty-Two   Vol 6 No 12 » March '93
Aaron gets even older...
Le Statement Financie
01.05.92-04.03.93
Angry
DUCK
Four years.
Four years is how long
I've been writing articles
for this paper. There are
some people that have
entered first year, and gone
through their entire four
years of university,
graduated away, and melted
away into the banal
existence of a nine-to-five
job schlupping free french
fries to pimple-faced
keeners who bring in their
UBC Student Cards.
They've come and gone.
Here I am. Here I'll be. I'm
feeling old.
Kids these days (when I
say kids, I mean everyone
younger than me) have no
sense of perspective, I've
decided. They have no
sense of UBC and its
tradition. They don't care
that I can remember back to
the days when the SUB
had—get ready—bowling
alleys.
Nowadays, all they care
about is getting into med
school, or business school.
No time to stop and make
fun of the bums
panhandling on the street.
Where has their perspective
gone?
"It's Nintendo," I told
them one day. "Why, when I
was young, I didn't have
any of those fancy game
boys or Mario Brothers or
any fancy stuff like that. In
my day, all we had was
Pong! And we liked it!"
Here's another example
of how you kids have lost
your perspective. I tutor
frequently, and not once has
anyone asked me to blow a
spit bubble. I've become
very good at it, too. I get it
rolling up my tongue, I
blow on it just right, and
poof, just like a soap
bubble, it takes flight and
softly floats to the floor.
I would love to blow a
spit bubble for the people I
tutor. But all they want from
me is help with equations. I
try to tell them that the
equations will still be there
tomorrow, but I could blow
a spit bubble right now, but
they don't care.
Back in my day, however,
back in the days when I was
still in my first year of
fourth year, I remember
how I would spend valuable
hours with my friends
during exam times trying to
learn to blow a spit bubble.
Why? Because I had a sense
of perspective. I knew that I
could use that time to learn
some remote equation about
waveguides, and maybe
pass Physics 411. However,
my sense of perspective told
me that eventually I would
learn it anyway (probably at
four in the morning of the
day of the final exam), so
why not use this time for
something as productive as
spit bubbles?
I failed the exam, yes.
Many others passed it. But
can they blow spit bubbles?
It's a dying art. Really.
This is all perspective. I
keep trying to tell people to
put university into
perspective. In addition to
your studies, it is equally as
important to be silly.
Here is a partial list of the
Silly Things I Did While I
Was Still at UBC:
• I ran about the Halls of
Hennings Naked. I don't
quite remember why we
did this, but I think it had
something to do with the
greenhouse effect.
• I led a convoy of friends
(with our bellies full of
what amounted to an
entire distillery) through
the UBC Steam Tunnels.
Kids these days don't
even know they exist.
Hah!
• I mooned the mayor.
Actually, I did that in
grade ten, but I'm so
proud of it, I thought I'd
mention it.
• We stole the engineers'
VW, filled it full of
cement and dropped it on
top of the cairn. Kids
these days probably can't
even spell kairn!
• Did I mention I mooned
the mayor?
• I coined the word
"butthead." I'm not
kidding. I was the first
person to introduce it to
the UBC Campus, many
years ago when I was
editor of this rag. It just
sort of took off from
there. This may be my
Warholian fifteen minutes
of fame, but I sure hope
not.
What is the point to all of
this? I had a sense of
perspective. I realized how
important it was to do these
things in university. Now,
when I get old and have
grandchildren, I'll have
great stories to tell them.
Kids these days will only
have stories of how they
aced their mid term because
they attended all their
classes and studied for it. I
say anyone can pass a mid
term if they attend classes
and study for it! But
where's the challenge? Your
grand-kids will not be very
impressed.
Mind you, by the time I
get that old, my state of
mind will have deteriorated
to the point where I will be
convinced that I ran through
the Halls of Hennings
Naked with Kim Campbell.
That wouldn't be so bad,
actually. I've developed a
crush on Kim Campbell. It's
all part of this perspective
thing, I think.
Prior Fiscal Year Surplus
Student Fees
Pop Hachlne
Photocopier
Sundry
Loan Repayments
ACTUAL
1992-93
12831.31
42788.00
1653.00
2191.41
46.00
1000.00
4) NSF s. Yau  Har. 2
C. McKnight NSF redeposit
12) Photofinishing-
Cairn painting expenses
14) Biosoc
BPP
15) No Class Bashi munchies
liq   license
pop   from SUS
karaoke
revenue
cage   liquor
previous   YTD
net    YTD
16)   Hardrock   Miners
The Love  Buqs
Tickets
Science  Ueek   banners
Food   for   Hard  Rock  Miners
SAC  Security
Box   office   tickets
Beer   from  cage
liquor   sales
beer   cups and  rental
ticket   sales
Stage manager
PA Fee
Liquor   License
Dance  Security
Dance   lighting   setup
Science Ueek  Movie
Science Ueek   pizza
Photofinishing
Hardware  supplies
"Robert   Light"   play.
Other   expenses   <Sarah)
Physsoc   Airplane prizes
Trike  Race:   T-shirts
registration
Previous   YTD
Banner   charges
Expenses to Roger
Trike Race  Revenue
Net   YTD
19) Student   Leadership   Conferenc
Just   Desserts
Clothing   subsidy
Keg   pump   remainder
20) sports  rebates
previous  YTD
Net   YTD
21) Distrib.,   supplies,   etc.
Scanner
432 Printing
previous YTD
npt    YTD
275.00
+   202.25
17.23
166.20
1093.33
755.25
42.41
23.80
40.66
266.43
+  402.00
1140.00
300.00
149.09
215.07
40.00
79.50
-     435.00
1252.10
■ 1077.00
66.25
■ B96.00
150.00
216.00
200.OO
330.00
50.00
113.00
51.40
55. OO
84.26
45.07
143.4S
150.00
184.40
66.31
1622.17
50.00
4345.07
12.34
105.70
437.00
4026.61
300.00
160.00
4.00
+     73.20
869.00
39. 29
1770.42
BUDGET
1992-93
12831.31
45000.00
2600.00
2000.00
30.00
1000.00
60509.72
63461.31
EXPENSES:
ACTUAL
BUDGET
1992-93
1992-93
1) Prior fiscal year bills
399.69
0.00
2) Telephone
554.22
720.00
3) office Supplies
885.92
4) Sundry
445.86
216.00
5) Pop machine/pop
4440.83
3800.00
6) Xerox photocopier
2899.53
2654.32
7) TV/VCR rental/purchase
260.68
8} Academics
1154.23
654.32
9) Office of Dean of Science
.00
10) Academic Entertainment
389.70
500.01
11) Computer/Laser printer
89.27
234.32
12) Interdepartmental relations
571.45
13) Election expenses
542.90
14) Club grants
3737.58
4T50.00
15) Social (net)
2244.87
4324.32
16) science Week (net)
4026.61
3454.32
17) AMS Loan Repayment
5000.00
5000.00
18y Loans to constituent clubs
1000.00
19) Special projects
1889.80
100.00
20) Sports
8093.62
10987.65
21) Publications (net)
7682.68
12343.21
22) Summer Guide
4121.96
3949.21
23) Grad Rebate overpayment
386.00
0.00
TOTAL EXPENSES
50817.40
56758.67
NET SURPLUS
9692.32
6702.64
DON'T PANIC'
AMS WORD PROCESS')^
will do it for youl    "
• on campus
• lowest professional rale in the lower mainland
• familiar with APA/MLA and thesis requirements
Room 60, Student Union Building •822-5640
Mon-Thu: 9am - 6pm Friday: 9am - 5pm FUELING   A    BIT    TESlTY?
How 'Just Plain Stupid' are you?
Are You a Hopeless Naive Bubblehead or an Incorrigible Dolt? Shock your friends. Confuse yourself. Interrogate your reflection.
1. Ever tried alcohol? (1)
2. Spell it. (5)
3. Have you ever used alcohol to
wash down 292's? (2)
4. Have you ever been so drunk
that you fell down and couldn't
get up because you couldn't
remember which way was up?
(1)
5. Ever done that sober? (5)
6. Ever wake up and not remember to breathe until your face
turned blue, and your mom had
to come in and sock you one?
(7)
7. Um, me neither...
8. Ever fall asleep/pass out during sex? (8)
9. Really? (1)
10. What are you, a moron?! (3)
11. Ever been in a riot? (1)
12. Ever asked a cop directions
to a riot? (7)
13. Ever masturbated? (1)
14. Ever masturbated so hard
that you forgot to breathe and
your face turned blue, und your
mom had to come in and sock
you one? (4)
15. Um, me neither...
16. Do you read the Ubyssex?
(256)
17. Ever try to chew water? (2)
18'. Ever purchased and used sex
toys? (1)
19. Do you consider ham a sex
toy? (4)
20. Ever said anything so stupid
that everyone in ihe room had to
just plain stop and start; at your
silly ass with a stunned look on
their faces for what seemed like
an eternity? (5)
21. Ever do that, and also discover that you forgot to wear
pants that day? (22)
22. Ever try to remember if'S'
came before 'R' and you had to
sing the Alphabet Song all the
way down to S before you could
figure it out? (3)
23. Ever try to have sex with a
vegetable like a carrot or a
cucumber? (1)
24. Ever ask a carrot or a
cucumber to dance? (4)
25. Ever lose an argument to a
carrot or a cucumber? (9)
26. Ever gone to the John and
then find out there's no toilet
paper? (1)
27. Ever found out there's no
more toilet paper, but weren't
concerned cause you would
wipe twice the next time? (4)
28. Whenever someone says to
you "How do you do?", have
you ever taken more than thirty
seconds to figure out a) what
you do, b) how you do it? (2)
29. Ever gone down a street
with a sign that says 'No Exit,"
then wait for the sign to change
back to'Exit?'(3)
30. Ever get up to speak in front
of your morning class to find
that, to your horror, not only
have your forgotten your notes,
but you also forgot your pants?
(2)
31. Have you ever shoved six
hot dogs up your nose? (3)
32. What the hell for? (6)
33. Ever been so loud and frantic during sex that your neighbours started complaining? (1)
34. Ever been so loud and frantic during sex that, you lost total
control of all your bodily functions, and you crashed off the
toilet seat onto the floor, on top
of the vaseline, and the vaseline
squirted out like water out of a
fire hose, all over your magazines, you smacked your sweat-
soaked forehead into the bath
room door, forgot to breathe
until your face turned blue and
your mom had to come in and
sock you one? (19)
35. Um, me neither...
Scoring
Add up all the points
until you can't count
any higher, then take
off your shoes and
use your toes, too.
If you have made it
this far, you're as
dumb as a post.
Classifieds 822-4403
11 - LOST
15-FOUND
Paradise. If found, phone
Milton.	
Touch with reality. If found,
please phone Fran at 822-
3321. Quick, I need to find a
summer job.	
Taste, decency, basic
journalistic skills, and a sense
of purpose and direction. If
found return to SUB241K.	
About $5000 in ad revenue.
Please contact AMS.	
Last page of important
petition, containing about 16
signatures. Reward. Reply to
Jason, Box 14 this paper.	
Former AMS President. 5'5",
brown hair, answers to "Little
Tyrant". Last seen bosirding _
plane for Rio. Call 822-3971.
A Personal Code of Ethics.
Anybody want it? God knows
I don't. I'm gonna run for
office.	
A way out of this mess:. But
I'll only trade it for the
meaning of life. Ed, 385-4493.
69 - COMPANIONSHIP
PWM seeking female w/large
Winnebago or snakepii: in
home. Must like Jell-o
pudding, wigs, hanging out at
Safeway, leggings, spaghetti
fun, lava lamps, braiding
armpit hair, hot wax, and reruns of The Prisoner. No
weirdos, please.
30-JOBS	
Drunk Telemarketers needed
to phone wrong numbers at
four in the morning. Reply
Box 107 this paper.	
Seeking nightwatchman for
Cheeze. Must be alert, and
willing to use force if
necessary. Science students
need not apply.	
HELP! They're holding me
hostage in 24IK! Get me outta
here! My name's Bob, and I
used to edit the Straight White
Male issue back in the
Seventies! HELPMEEEE!!!
40 - EMPLOYMENT
WANTED
Former AMS Ombudsperson
seeks stimulating employment.
Current UBC Debating Club
exec member. Fun, cheerful,
easy to work with. Have ticket,
will travel. Phone 322-9874
after 6.
HANDKERCHIEF CODES FOR GUYS
Colour
Position
Meaning
Red
Back Pocket
Large Green Boogers, Red-flecked mucous
Dark Blue
Right Pocket
Clamps to nose, blows very hard, very loud.
Ends with "Ah boy!"
Light Blue
Right Pocket    '
Blows nose, then peeks to see if anything cool
came out
Gray
Front Pocket
Blows nose often, always says "Goodness!"
Robins Egg
Coat Pocket
Blows softly, wipes daintily, then uses finger to
pick out larger boogers
Maroon
Coat Pocket
Blows first one nostril, then the other
Purple
Front Pocket
Blows nose so hard, parts of lung come up
Orange
Back Pocket
Likes to herd the bigger boogers to the side
White
Any pocklet
Never uses, relies on index finger
Yellow
Shirt pocket
Mostly used on earwax jobs
Mustard
Hanging from Hat
Sloppy hotdog eater
Light Green
In sock
Cannot afford Dr. Sertoli's
Green Polka Dots
Pocket
Been very sick lately
Green
Back Pocket
Haven't changed this thing since '86
White
bungee-corded to head
RS Gumby, of Monty Python Fame
White lace
anywhere, visible
Socm to be beat up, if in found anywhere in Bible
Belt
Oh God...
Brown
Rear Pocket
Pink
Front Pocket
Interim storage for used bubble gum
Black
In ear
I'm Just Plain Stupid (see quiz this ish)
A Message from your
AMS Student Council
The Alma Mating Society, the publisher of the
Ubyssex, would like to formally make it known
that the editorial opinions printed here do not
necessarily reflect those of neither the Alma
Mating Society, nor the AMS Executive. In
particular, William Francis Alexandra Doobie
III, AMS President, dissociates himself from
the actions and editorial opinions contained
herein.
In fact, we never ever know ahead of time
what they're printing, and it's just as shocking
to us as the next guy. We have no idea what
they're going to print, and there's not much
we can do because it doesn't contravene anything in their constitution.
In fact, they don't even have a constitution.
What they do have, however, is a big dog
named Finger-Biter-Offer, and the AMS
Executive is afraid to go to SUB 241K to
check things out. So it's not our fault.
In fact, we so completely disassociated ourselves with the Ubyssex that we have forgotten the names of the editors. And'their ratbag
dog. If it was up to us, we'd fill SUB 241K with
all the back issues that no one ever reads
that the Ubyssex never bothers to pick up and
recycle. That's what we'd do! If we had our
way, we'd fill that room straight to the ceiling
with those back issues, right on top of their
sofas and their birkenstocks and their granola
and their unshaved armpits braided into
french knots with their vitriolic editorials advocating that we all bite everyone's penis off.
Maybe if we did that, everyone would stop
yelling at us, mailing us hate letters, no more
crank calls at four in the morning—that
means you too, Mom—and life could get back
to normal.
Maybe a parade after that...
2/THE UBYSSEX
March 24, 1993

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