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The 432 Jan 18, 2005

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18th JANUARY 2005
Microsoft Windows: For the Adult in You!
New product heralded as champion of sex-crazed computer geeks everywhere
If you're an anti-trust lawyer or just a Catholic, you
may have yet another reason to hate Microsoft. In a
press conference last week, Microsoft founder and
chief software architect, Bill Gates announced plans to
move the company in a more adult direction. With the
abysmal failure of the Xbox, the company realized that the
child-targeted video game industry was simply not profitable. Even the desperate attempts to entice gamers with
titles such as "Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball"
were unsuccessful. The solution? Move into the other high
profit entertainment industry: sex.
At the conference, Gates alluded to a new advanced feature to be included in its upcoming operating system
codenamed Longhorn. The new application, tentatively
known as Microsoft Wood, comes with its own unzipping
utility and will allow users to search the internet for qual-
Microsoft Wood software promises to satisfy
even the hardest critics
ity porn sites. Initial trial runs have received promising
reactions from users, however the search engine is still
unable to filter out many non-pornographic results upon
search request.
Gates also unveiled plans for an optional MSN Hotmale
Service Pack. This allows Mcrosoft Wood to be customized for female users, who may have slightly different
tastes in erotica. Gates stressed the point that Hotmale
would not be "dumbed down" for women customers. "The
Hotmale software is just as good as Microsoft Wood. It's
strong enough for a man, but made for a woman."
With adult entertainment quickly rising among the ranks
of computer engineers, other companies promise to provide some stiff competition for Mcrosoft. Apple has
already announced plans for a next-generation mp3-play-
er/sex-toy hybrid: The iPorn.
FROM A LOCAL ZOO... / Page Two
18th January 2005
Volume Eighteen
Issue Seven
1 8th January 2005
Captain Picard
Jonathan Lam
Commander Riker
Varun Ramraj
Lt. Commander Data
Jesse Brydle
Counselor Troi
Chris Baitz
Random Ensigns
Jo Krack
Kiran Bisra
Andrew Provan
Wesley Crushers
The wonderful people who helped
put Science Week together.
Printed by
Horizon Pub, Vancouver, BC
Legal Information
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UBC. Words words words, words
words words, if you're not a lawyer
you're probably not reading this,
words words words. Small print!
All views expressed in this issue
are strictly those of the individual
writers, and as such are not the
responsibility of The 432, The Science Undergraduate Society, or the
Faculty of Science. Writers and cartoonists are encouraged to submit
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and should contain the author's
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If you want to be an ass ed in the
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Hit us up at: the432@gmail.com
Just Jew It
Nike gets into religious market
Andrew Provan
Religious Fashion Correspondent
t a press conference in New York
last week, clothing giant Nike
announced its intention to begin
marketing    religious    apparel. The
announcement comes on the tail end of
what has been a poor year in sales by Nike
standards. The 6% drop in sales has been
attributed by most experts to people
pulling their heads out of their asses and
realizing that sweatshop labour is wrong,
and therefore buying from more globally
conscious companies.
3 J
January 26, 2005
12:30 - 2:00pm
Norm Theatre (SUB)
Although Nike denies this, many experts
believe the corporation is opening onto the
religious market in an effort to regain public approval. "That's ridiculous," stated
Nike spokesperson Brad Candela in a
recent interview. "We at Nike wish our
quality products to be available to everyone, even those religious weirdoes who
wear the same unfashionable robes every
day. We're going to put the 'style' back in
religion." When a pedantic reporter pointed out that the word 'style' did not in fact
appear in the word 'religion,' and so invalidated the entire play on words, Candela
replied, "Shut the hell up or get the hell
Nike will begin its commercial assault on
the religious sector with the highly anticipated Jewish Yarmulke. For anyone who
is unfamiliar with Judaism and/or is just
stupid, the Yarmulke is the small headpiece that practicing Jewish males wear on
their heads. The sleek new Nike Yarmulke
comes attached with the slogan "Just Jew
It." The Yarmulke, made of spandex and
nylon, features water resistance and a heat-
trapping ability for warmth. This first
monster product is slated for release in late
winter, but the religious apparel lineup
will be flowing by this summer. Other
products include the Nike reversible Bud-
dist Robes complete with Air Sandals, gor-
tex Burqas for Islamic women, and oxygen-permeable Sikh Turbans.
One reporter asked if Nike was at all concerned about offending the religious communities by treating their traditional garments as material sportswear to be marketed and sold like any other clothes. Candela replied, "If we're guilty of anything
it's helping Jews run faster, Buddists gravitate higher, Muslims stay dryer and Sikhs
stay fresher. These people should be praying to us, not to some invisible fat man in
the sky." In related news, bookies in the
U.K. are giving five-to-one odds on Nike
spokesperson Brad Candela living out the
Dr. Daniel Pauly
Professor and Director, Fisheries Centre
Master (1974), Doctorate (1979) and 'Habitation' (1985)
in Fisheries Biology and Biological Oceanography (University of Kiel,
Dr. Daniel
IRC Woodward 3
Wed January 26,2005
5-6 PM 18th lanuary 2005
Page Three
How the Bort Stole Science Week
Jon Lam
Science Week Lover
All the science kids at UBC liked Science Week a lot,
But the Bort who lived just North of UBC did not.
The Bort hated Science Week, 'twas really a shame.
He'd cry out in anger each year when it came.
The Prof Show, The Jell-O, the Bort hated it all.
They say it's because his brain's two sizes too small.
Then one year, on the eve of the Week,
The Bort thought up something too horrible to speak.
The Bort had come up with an insideous plot
To build for himself, a magical yacht.
And with this magical yacht, he would try
To steal away Science Week and make the kids cry.
Behind the magical yacht was a tub,
Full of acid that he would pour on the SUB.
Then he'd swoop in amid all the confusion
And steal all the tickets for SUS' Cold Fusion.
And then in a manner, rude and uncouth,
He'd maliciously knock over SUS' main booth
Next was the Jell-O, he wanted it, yup.
So he pulled out his big hose and sucked it all up.
Without any Jell-O, the students were sad,
And their suffering only made the Bort glad.
Next the Bort, donned a labcoat and tried
To blend in with the chemists as he secretly spied.
When no one was looking he stole the jars of reagent
And sneakily snuck out like a CIA agent.
So the chem show was ruined, no one knew what to do
Throughout the  campus  all  the  students  cried  "Boo
Then wearing another one of his clever disguises,
He went and he stole all the Science Week prizes!
Enough was enough. Science Week was all wrong
And no one was madder than VP Ex, Mike Long.
He rallied the councilors and grabbed a shot gun
And went out to take back Science Week's Fun.
But the Bort, he was clever and knew what to do.
In his magical yacht, he went to SFU
Nobody felt like following the Bort
All the way to Burnaby to his mountainous fort.
They sat there, moping when there arose such a clatter,
They went to the window to see what was the matter.
From off in the distance, far and remote
Came a good jolly man in a big bright red coat.
"Santa?" they wondered as he came up to speak:
"Not Santa, an engineer to help save Science Week!
That Bort is a mean one, it's really quite sad,
What he did to Science Week makes me so mad.
So we're here to help restore Science Blue.
The Artsies will help  'cause they love  Science Week
Then they looked back, behind the man dressed in red,
And saw it was true, everything that he said.
The Artsies were there, and behind them were Nurses.
And Commerce and HKin, all shouting curses
To the terrible Bort who had stolen the fun
Of Science Week cheer from everyone.
So they headed together towards SFU
Their spirits of vengence kindled anew.
At the bus loop they stopped and crammed on a bus
Though the bus driver was grumpy and started to cuss.
With their UPasses they made the perilous trip
Up to the mountainous peak at the tip.
Waiting for them, there was the Bort at the top.
With the Science Week stuff ready to drop.
"Not another move or I'll toss them, I swear
I hate Science Week so I really wouldn't care."
"But why hate Science Week? Why ruin fun for others"
"Because I, the Bort, did not have any mothers.
Not one mom, not two moms, not three and above
You see I grew up without motherly love."
"Well that's no excuse, so return all our stuff."
The Bort felt bad and his eyes started to puff.
He gave back the prizes, reagents and Jell-O
Then he let out a cry and started to bellow.
The students, uneasy, tried to stay calm.
Before long the Bort was simply bawling.
Then with a slip, he started falling.
As he fell from the cliff, life flashed before his eyes
It finally dawned on him and he realized
That Science Week wasn't about having a mother
Science Week was something to share with each other.
And before he lost sight of the kids on the peak,
He said, "Merry Science to all, and to all a Good Week!"
Merry Science to All,
and to All a Good Week!"
iKere's only oneway ]
\o settle Page Four
18th January 2005
To Spa or Not to Spa?
Jo Krack
Sexy clean
Happy Science Week, gentle readers! In commemoration of this
momentous occasion, I shall be
dedicating this issue's column to... ME! Me
in Japan! Same as always! Nothing to do
with science at all! Muahahaha! Ahem.
Moving on. One of my favourite things to
do in Japan is go to an onsen. "Onsen" is
often translated as "Spa," but I don't think
that does it justice. Really, I would translate it as "Public Bathhouse in Which You
Soak in Natural Hot Springs and No
Funny Stuff Goes On, Despite What You
May Have Heard about Turkish Bathhouses." But I can see if the tourism office's
translation team felt that might not fit on
the brochures. Still, "spa"? That brings to
mind images of rich middle-aged women
wrapped in white fluffy towels, faces covered in blue goop and slices of cucumber
delicately balanced atop their eyelids. Certainly does not make one think of wrinkled, naked elderly Japanese women sitting on tiny stools and vigorously scrubbing themselves, which is much more in
line with what one should expect from an
onsen. If you ever end up in Japan and find
yourself in an onsen, here are the ground
1. Take it all off.
Yeah, you heard me, baby, take it aaallll
off. Get as naked as the day you were born
and put your clothes in one of the wicker
basket provided (there should be a locker
somewhere for your valuables, unless it's a
really really small onsen). If you have tattoos, you may have to cover them with
bandages or something before another customer notices and rats on you. The general
rule is no tattooed people allowed; this is
so that onsen staff can boot out yakuza
(gang members) for a concrete reason
rather than having to stutter, "Uh, I think
you're involved in organized crime, so
you'll have to leave."AOAlIt works,  as
most yakuza have tattoos (quite extensive
ones, too) and most non-yakuza don't (that
may be changing as Japanese youth imitate
the West, though).
2. Cleanse thyself, thou filthy animal.
When you enter the bath area, there
should be a row of showers with little
stools in front of them. Shampoo and body
soap are often provided, though not
always. Find a free shower, pull up a stool,
and get to work. Scrub every single part of
yourself, wash your hair, the works.
Remember to thoroughly rinse off all the
soap/shampoo when you're done, or you'll
be getting killer looks from your fellow
bathers as you turn their pristine hot
springs into an oily bubble bath.
3. Soak.
Depending on the onsen, there may be
lots of different kinds of baths, only a few,
or sometimes just one. My favourite local
onsen has eight: one for just your feet (you
sit on a bench with your feet in the bath;
good for when you've become overheated
from the other baths), one that's almost
scalding hot, one that's freezing cold (good
for right after the sauna), one with a bunch
of Jacuzzi jets, one really big outdoor one
with a mini-waterfall, and three very small
ones (some meant for just one person!),
each filled with a different kinds of hot
springs water. There are also two saunas:
one in which you rub salt onto your skin
and wait until it melts off, and one that's
just super-hot. By the time you've soaked
and saunaed yourself thoroughly, your
skin should be soft and smooth. (Soaking
in onsens sometimes clears up eczema,
4. Have another shower.
Before you leave the baths, return to the
shower station and just give yourself a cursory hosing-down (you don't need to lather up this time).
5. Get dressed.
Back into the changeroom with you! The
floor is usually tatami, which you'll appreciate when you're wet, as it's soft, non-slippery, and is kept quite clean. There's often
a fan blowing to help dry you off, and the
temperature is regulated so that you don't
feel cold even though you're walking
around naked. It's a wonderful atmosphere; sometimes I delay getting dressed
just so I can wander about naked on the
tatami for a little bit longer.
6. Finally: if you're a non-smoker, run!
Smokers will enjoy relaxing in the lounge
a bit before heading home; there's usually
a small restaurant or at least some vending
machines, and vibrating massage chairs
are also common. However, everyone will
be smoking heavily (probably to rid their
body of all that cleanliness), so non-smokers will want to hit the road before they
stink of cigarette smoke.
Well, there you go. Don't you wish there
were onsens in Vancouver? UBC definitely
needs a couple, especially for students who
aren't used to being naked in groups (i.e.
anyone who's not in residence). If we could
just fill the UBC pools with hot springs
water, and enforce a no-bathing-suits rule,
that would be a start... but that's a project
for you science students! (Just remember to
invite me to the grand opening ceremonies, eh?)
"Birr j pow'TH4u£ euou&H
r HCAJ? you w«'we...
TMIJ& FfoM eveevBow est, it'll blow ~me. scovomv mro $(/P£%LAA/Pf>
Professor Research Night
Monday, January 17th (5:30-7:00)
Dr. Pierre Kennepohl: "Using X-ray
vision - a different perspective on
chemical reactions"
Dr. Lawrence Mcintosh: "Biological
NMR Spectroscopy"
Dr. Laurel Schafer: "New Catalysts
for C-N Bond Formation"
Dr. Derek Gates: "P=C Chemistry"
Dr. Steve Withers: "Training
enzymes to do other reactions"
Wednesday, January 19th (5:30-7:00)
Dr. Alex Wang: "The Nike of
Vancouver: Carbon Nanotubes with
Dr. Hongbin Li: "Watching chemical
reactions one molecule at a time".
Dr. Chris Orvig: "Medicinal Inorganic
Dr. Mark MacLachlan: "Lord of the
Rings: Chemistry of Multimetallic
Dr. Jennifer Love: "Developing organic
reactions using transition metal
All talks held in Chemistry B25Q - Light refreshments to follow 18th January 2005
Page Five
Artsies Repent!
Science/WeelosJJpon Us!
That's right, after months of anticipation it's Science Week again!
January 24th to 28th, 2005 will be the most wonderful time of the year when Lab Rats come out to play, keynotes come out to speak and
UBC students come out to wrestle in hudreds of litres of Science blue Jell-O. Excited yet? I'll bet you are, and if you're not, you may want to
askyour doctor for some Viagra. Keep reading and find out how you can get some action all week long~
Science Week Charity
This year's official Science Week Charity is the  Inner City
ience  Education  Initiative. This is a pilot program created
by this year's science week committee, and will involve sponsoring elementary and junior school students from the
downtown  eastside to visit the vancouver aquarium and take
part in their educational programs. we hope this will proVIDE   THESE   STUDENTS   WIThBvN   OPPORTUNITY   TO   BE   INSPIRED   BY
TI*IE•FTE?L•D• OF'SCIENCE,* SO'ThtA^T* T 1*1 ET Ivfl EftT 'EftE? Fl3 RT^E?!* 1>»ltfrTVA»r*
EO .TD.S.UC^q.EEp.lN.T.H.EiR,  FUT.L4FIE, ACA.D,EjvU C   F iJRSU IJ"S .A.NJP, GOAI.S,..   .
In conjunction with this theme our keynote speaker Dr.
Daniel Pauly,  Director of the  Fisheries  Centre, will be
.XH«UU^tlWW.T..TJilE..W^^i4, W the Science Week booth in the SUB
\ /
Science Week
The SUB:
Throughout   the    week,    SUS has    taken    over   the    SUB concourse!    DROP   BY   AND   VISIT   ALL   THE   BOOTHS   WE   HAVE   SET   UP   FOR
"Science Week. Each science club has a booth set up with neat
,^kc,tuy>l?"jes« .displays,, f rizes and demonstrations. there's also
the Main-Science Week Booth set up right at the Main
entrance of the sub. we'll be there all week long promoting
Science Week, selling science merchandaise, Cold Fusion concert TICKETS AND ANSWERING ANY QUESTIONS YOU HAVE. LOOKING
.td.sind. eqhe, pi.ace.tmat .wu-l.tak5 .y04j.r. science. w££k. chalrty
money? Want to buy an official Science Week T-shirt to
increase your sex appeal? come tq the sub and visit the main
Science Week booth. We have answers to all your questions.
< Monday < January 24, 2005
Science Frontiers
[Noon - 2PM. SUB Plaza.]
If you like to make stuff with your food during dinner, fold paper into airplanes during lecture, or throw stuff off tall buildings when you are bored,
then Science Frontiers is the place for you. Get two of your friends together
and register for this crazy event which includes building the tallest structure
possible with Jujubes and spaghetti, creating something out of paper, string,
straws and tape that will prevent eggs from breaking after being dropped
from incredible heights, and finally, fashioning a paper airplane that travels
immense distances. Come and wage war ... science style. To register, please
write your team's name and members' names on a sheet of paper and leave
it with somebody in the SUS Lounge (LSK 202)
PSI Factor
[Noon - 2PM. SUB Plaza.]
So you think you deserve a Monday afternoon full of fun and games
brought to you by the SUS First-Year Committee? The sign up booth will be
located in the Chemistry building (outside CHEM 250) on the 17th from 12-
2. Here is a teaser of some of our events:
- Dizzy Izzy Orange Pass (involves a spinning world and orange passing)
- Wazzzzzabi! (has something to do with Wasabi)
Plus three more great events guaranteed to put the yin in your yang and
jumpstart your week. Look no further than PSI FACTOR! Sign up in teams
of 4 on the 17th, for only $20 per team!
AIMS Short Films
[12:30PM. SUB 216]
The Alternative and Integrative Medicine Society (AIMS) is showing 2 short
films for Science Week.
'The Alternative Fix," a one-hour documentary investigating the field of
alternative medicine, from perspectives of both mainstream and alternative
health practioners. Great for those who are interested in but don't know
much about alternative medicine! 'The Other Side of AIDS," examining the
politics, errors, and other issues surrounding AIDS and HIV.
Hope to see you there! For more info about AIMS, please check out
SOS pHortune Telling
[11AM -1PM. All week. SOS SUB Booth.]
Science One kids old and new answer the mysteries of the universe with
nothing but their wits and some pH paper. Drop by and ask them a question!
Science Scavenger
[Ongoing. All week. Everywhere.]
New this year, the Science Week Scavenger Hunt is perfect for hardcore Science Week fans. Now you can actually win stuff for going to as many events
as you can! Accomplish the tasks outlined on the Science Week Scavenger
Hunt sheet (see page 9) and fill in the empty boxes with a verification stamp
or sticker. Forcompleting the non-bonus section you will be entered into a
draw with the grand prize. Other prizes to be won include UBC sweatshirts,
BC Lions tickets and many other exciting items. Also, the first 10 people to
complete the bonus section as well as the rest of the card will be given a free
ticket to Cold Fusion! Even if you don't get a free ticket you should definitely come to Cold Fusion on Friday night, as the grand prize winner will
be declared that evening at the concert. Page Six
18th January 2005
< Monday < January 24, 2005
BPP Professor Research Night
[5 - 7:30PM. Wood 6.]
Are you in Biochem, Physiology, or Pharmacology and not planning on going
to med school? Well come see what kinds of research you could be doing after
your degree! Even if you're not in BPP, professor research night is open to everyone and anyone who is interested!
<Tuesday < January 25, 2005
SUS Open House
[10AM - 1PM. LSK 202]
Come and see where we're located. We'll even bribe you with donuts!
Physsoc Paper Airplane Contest
[11:30AM - Noon. Hennings 307]
Build plane. See plane. See plane fly. Fly plane fly. Win prize.
Professor Talent Show
[12:30 - 2PM. Norm Theatre]
Imagine: The prof you love, signing and dancing, all for your viewing pleasure.
Some of these profs have talents that they don't even have names for! Make sure
you don't miss this event, there may even be a few surprise prizes for "talented"
audience members...
UCS Chemistry Magic Show
[1 - 2PM. Chem B150]
Another science week favourite, brought to you by the UCS. Be amazed,
whether you're a chemist or not, revel in the colour-changing, explosiony goodness of chemistry magic! It's so good, we have to do it twice!
< Wednesday < January 26, 2005
Jell-O Wrestling
[12:30 - 2PM. SUB Ballroom]
It's back and stickier than before. A Science Week favourite, don't miss it!
What more can I say?
Keynote Speaker: Dr. Daniel Pauly
[5 - 6PM. Wood 3]
This year, we are honoured to have Dr. Pauly as our keynote speaker. A distinguished Fellow of the Royal Society of Canada, Academy of Science, Dr. Pauly's
lecture will focus on marine conservation. Admission is by minimum donation
of $2 and all participants will receive free pop and pizza, as well as a chance to
win a Kaplan course valued at over $1500! So come on out!
Biophyssoc Liquid Nitrogen Ice Cream
[12 - 2PM. Biophysics SUB Booth]
Ice cream = cold. Liquid nitrogen = cold. Coincidence? No way. Come get some!
Biosoc Blood Drive
[Location TBA]
Shuttle pick ups at 1:50PM and 2:25PM. Email comaeca@interchange.ubc.ca for
more info or to sign up.
a science week blood drive!
wednesday, january 26, 2005
1j50 pm * 2j25 pm pick ups
shuttles will be pickin6 up donors, takin6 us to the
canadian blood services clinic on oak street, and
returning us to ubc after our donation!
for more information, please contact
courtney - comaeca@interchancie.ubc.ca
spots will fill up fast, so don't delay!
blood - it's in you to give!
office: BIOSCI 1411
0 big thank you to all our
••'* Celator
•»m*r Technoioqies
1-800-KAP-TEST ••••" Technologies
Travel Cats* *(IBC Food services* *(IBC Bookstore* *(IBC Outpost 18th January 2005
Page Seven
< Wednesday < January 26, 2005
Sci Team's "Get Into Research"
[6 - 8PM. Wood 4]
Are you interested in learning about research opportunities for undergraduates? Speakers from various programs, including Work/Study, NSERC, Co-op,
Directed Studies, Honours, and MURP will share their experiences and tips
about how to get involved in research and how to find a supervisor.
Pizza and pop provided for registered guests! To register, please e-mail
sciteam@gmail.com with "GIR" as the subject, and your name and student number in the message. Brought to you by UBC Faculty of Science and Sci Team
< Thursday < January 27, 2005
Sci-Factor: Science Quiz Show
[12:30 - 1:30PM. Norm Theatre]
Test your knowledge of all things geeky. Win great prizes. It's so simple!
The UBC Undergraduate Chemistry Society
Presents + ° • + •
'   '    Tuesday, January 25
Thursday January 27
1 - 2 pm Cm 8150
Om'tmiss the excitement!
+ ° . + + *
Proudly 5i4>ported by the UBC Chemistry Department
Biophyssoc Liquid Nitrogen Ice Cream
[12 - 2PM. Biophysics SUB Booth]
Ice cream is so good, they're doing this event twice!
CSPA Presents:
Harold and Kumar
Go To Whitecastle
Playing Thursday
January 27
5:OOpm @ Wood 4
Free Admission!
CSPA Movie Night
[5PM. Wood 4]
Join us as we enjoy a night of "Harold and Kumar!'
UCS Chemistry Magic Show
[1 - 2PM. Chem B150]
Another science week favourite, brought to you by the UCS. Be amazed,
whether you're a chemist or not, revel in the colour-changing, explosiony goodness of chemistry magic! It's so good, we have to do it twice!
International Adventures in Science
[5:30 - 8PM. Wood 6]
Have you ever wanted to travel abroad? How about traveling abroad and
enhancing your education? This workshop, brought to you by the Sci Team, is a
great way to learn about academic and professional opportunities overseas.
MISA Cheesemaking
[11 - Noon. Wesbrook 238]
Most people think of cheesemaking as a delicate art, but behind every great art
is a science! (And something edible.)
Science Week sponsors!
BC Lions* *VP Students Office*  *(IBC Museum of Anthropology Page Eight
18th January 2005
< Friday < January 25, 2005
[11:30 - 2PM. SUB Plaza]
Cheap food. 'Nuff said.
Science Olympics
[1 - 2PM. SUB Plaza]
Games and prizes galore! Grab some friends and sign up... or else just show up
and watch other teams run around making fools of themselves... Really the     Heart Club Skip-A-lhon
games aren't that bad, but you'll still have to sign a waiver. [1 - 2PM. SUB Plaza]
Join in the fun, and help raise money for the Canadian Heart & Stroke Foundation. Skip til you drop, then maybe you can claim some of that money you
Math Club Movie Night
[5PM. Math Annex 1119]
Come out and watch 'PI', it's not just a greek letter, it's also a great movie.
BPP Lab Techniques Workshop
[12 - 1PM. Wood 6]
More fun than a Lab Techniques Sweatshop, and hey, you might learn something.
Cold Fusion
[7 - 11PM. SUB Ballroom]
COLD FUSION!!! The annual Science Week closing event is back with Default
and Stabilo. It's like a miniature mid-term Arts County Fair. With hundreds of
people, including all your SUS councillors, great music and beer, how can you
not want to go?
JANUARY 26th,   2005
contact: SUB  BALLROOM
SwVOO@INT6RCAHNeE-UBC.CA TO  SIGN  UP 18th lanuary 2005
Page Nine
Science Week Forms!
If it's got a waiver, you know it's gonna be fun!
SciENCE WeeI< Scavenqer Hunt
Name: EiwAiL/PhoNE
BRiNCj 5 people to rhc ScicNcc Week booTh
AiTF\d 2 major SciFMCF WffL fvfnts
2 of the Professor Talent Show, Jello
Wrestling, Quiz Show, Keynote Speaker,
Science Frontiers or Science Olympics
Visii Scjence AdvisiNq
anH tIif SUS LoLNtjF
OpTio\Al Bonus Sectjon (coMplnr 2 of Thr
foLLowiNq /vcTJviiiES Ai\d subiviii/perform tIiem
at tIir ScItncf WFFk booTh iN tIif SUB):
(1) create and perform a
science song and dance
(2) write an article for the 432
(3) Get a photograph of you
with the SUS labrat
(4) learn the names of all SUS FlJU Contest DetajIs
club reps and executive                      Available iN Science
WnL f cliiiom of i In 4*>
Jell-0 Wrestling 2005
Registration Form
Jell-0 Wrestling is pretty self-explanitory, but in case it isn't, here's the scoop: you sign up to
wrestle around in a kiddie pool full of blue Jell-0. Science blue Jell-0, to be exact. This year's
Science Week Jell-0 Wrestling event will be held in the SUB Ballroom on:
Wednesday, January 26th from 12:30 PM - 2:00 PM
Team Category: Male / Female / Co-Ed Tag (circle one)
Team Name (name should reflect team's unit):
Team Member(s):
Name Student #
Faculty       Phone/E-mail
Alternate (optional):
Jell-0 Wrestling is a fun filled competition where the participants get down and dirty and wrestle in a pool filled with Jell-0! Come out for a free afternoon of excitement and prizes with your
friends! Completed applications are due on or before January 24th, 2005 at LSK 202 (SUS
Lounge). Non-science participants are urged to join, unless, of course, you are too scared...
Please Note:
-The person whose back falls into the Jell-0 first loses.
-The matches will be proceed in a round-robin style.
-Participants are asked to be at the registration booth by 11:45 AM at the SUB Ballroom on
January 26th to confirm participation and to sign a waiver.
-For any questions or for more information on this event, please email Dennis Yoo at
-Event organizers reserve the right to disqualify/remove participants for unruly conduct.
As participant(s) in Jell-0 Wrestling, I accept the responsibility of
abiding by the rules. I understand that my team is responsible for their behaviour and actions.
Member #1:       	
Member #2 (if applicable):	
A quiz bowl for science folk
Think you're smart? Want to show all your peers how vast your knowledge really is? Then
this is the Science week event for you. Sci-factor is a quiz bowl made of a combination of several game show styles with a science twist.   So get together a group of 5 and brush up on
your science trivia...but don't be surprised to see an artsy question thrown in.
Sci-Factor will be held in the Norm theatre from:
12:30 -1:30 PM on Thursday January 27
Team name:   	
Team division (eg: faculty/dept/club):	
Team members:
Name Student # Phone/e-mail
Please Note:
-Teams are expected to show up to the Norm Theater at 12:15 on the day of the event.
-Groups will have the opportunity to collaborate when answering questions.
-There must be at least 4 members present for a team to participate.
-For any questions or for more information on this event, please email Michael Long at
-Event organizers reserve the right to disqualify/remove participants for unruly conduct.
As the team captain, I accept the responsibility of knowing the rules of this Science week
event and of ensuring that my team abides by these rules. I understand that my team is
responsible for their behaviour and actions.
Signed: Date:	
Please hand in completed registration forms to the science week booth during science week
by 4:32pm on Tuesday January 25.
■   ^   ^   ^   ^   ^   ^   ^   ^   ^   ^   ^   ^   ^   ^   ^   ^   ^m  ^m  ^m  ^m  ^m  ^m  ^m  ^m  ^m  ^m  ^m  ^m  ^   ^   ^   ^   ^   ^   i
Science Olympics is a fun filled competition where the participants compete in various events,
including new additions to 2005 such as Polymerization, Monocyte Tag and Skateboard Race
as well as everyone's favourite from last year, the Giant Ski Race! Come out for a free afternoon of excitement and prizes with your friends! Completed applications are due on or before
January 26th, 2005 at LSK 202 (SUS Lounge). For any non-science teams who think they can
handle it, we encourage your participation!
Science Olympics will be held at the SUB South Plaza on:
Friday, January 28th from 12:00 PM - 1:00 PM.
Team Unit (e.g. Faculty/Department/Club): 	
Team Name (name should reflect team's unit):	
Team Members:
Name Student #       Faculty Phone/E-mail
1. (Captain)	
2. (Co-Captain)	
Please Note:
-Bonus points will be awarded to teams with professors or TAs
-Participants are asked to be at the registration booth by 11:45 AM at the
SUB South Plaza on January 28th to confirm participation and to sign a waiver
-For any questions or for more information on Science Olympics, please email David Yoon at
dmsyoon@hotmail .com
-Event organizers reserve the right to disqualify/remove participants for unruly conduct.
As a team captain, I accept the responsibility of knowing the rules of the
Science Olympics events and of informing my team members of these rules. I
understand that my team is responsible for their behaviour and actions
Signed:      Date:	 Page Ten
18th January 2005
How Paul McCartney brought
down Communism
Kinky Kanadian Kiran
Commie Killer
I was watching Larry King Live on CNN
and the topic of the day was McCartney's trip to Moscow. He had never
been to Russia before, and he played some
huge concert in the Red Square awhile
back. He had apparently gone to St. Peters-
burgs and to the Kremlin where he sang
for Putin (who by the way is the second
world leader I wouldn't mind "interning"
for, after Blair of course).
King asked McCartney if he knew how
popular the Beatles were in the USSR during the Cold War, to which McCartney
replied, "Well, we had always heard that
people were smuggling in our records and
what not. I'd say that our music really
helped a lot of young people realize the
idea about freedom and love. We probably
contributed to the downfall of Communism."
Lhat's absolutely right Sir McCartney, the
Beatles caused the Soviet Communist
empire to collapse. Where Lruman and Ike
failed, "Lhe Yellow Submarine" worked.
Forget this nonsense about how the pen is
mightier than the sword. All you needed
to break open the Iron Curtain was a little
"Love me Do" and "I'll Cry Instead". Lhose
tens of thousands of people in Budapest
who stood up against tanks and died were
obviously using the wrong tactic. Lhey
should have been at home, smoking some
weed,  eating some  cookie dough,  and
singing along to "Strawberry Fields".
Now, that would have showed those damn
Explanation: Musicians that call themselves artists are a pet peeve of mine.
When a rapper gets any award (and I mean
any including all the "Soul Lhis" and "UPN
Lhat" ones), they pompously go up there
and thank God. Like God really cares one
way or another that 50 Cent wins bronzed
popcorn over Ja Rule.
You aren't an artist, you are a fabricated
puppet created by, used by, and then eventually destroyed by "Lhe Media". Certainly, I think that Lhe Beatles have far more
artistic merit than today's uninspired,
cheap imitation, don't talk about being
poor when are you are wearing "bling
bling" head-to-toe high school drop-outs
(and proud) R&B-type "artists". But, don't
take credit away from the people who
ACTUALLY" changed things-the ones
who stood in the trenches instead of on
some stage in Oakland.
Ode to Neha Banger
(Lhe Best Bond Girl Name Ever)
Neha, small things are small,
You don't notice them at all;
One thing definitely not that way,
Is your only twentieth birthday!
So live it up big, non-creepy and tall!
Warmest Wishes From All Of Us
For Another 20 Years Of Fun And
Happy Birthday Neha!
3iosoc t/4l (Wkj invite vp& \o fror& Ww. subscription for Grounds for Coffee's
ciwvhAjon bms for just $2500
(grounds for Coffee Gwdmon 12>ms &t& fyooey md Delicious, tfi^j
do 1/\QT contein:
Hydro&ftvtt&d Oils
TWts or luteins
&sac bed Rour
Vpur lovely, delicious cwv%woy\ yo'H he delivered to VpU every Wo
interested?? please email    hiosocgratteQifrthooxa 18th lanuary 2005
Page Eleven
Dr. Daniel Pauly
Professor and
Director Fisheries Centre
un^*; c?
•Author or Co-Author of over 500 articles
•Named one of UBC's Distinguished University Scholars
•Awarded the Murray Newman Award for Excellence in
Marine Conservation Research
Woodward 3, Wednesday January 26, 5 pm - 6 pm
♦Top Door Prize - MCAT Course
Estimated Value $1600, Minimum Donation $2, gill proceeds to
the Inner City Science Initiative'
in Woodward 4 @ 6pm at SciTeam's 'Get into Research' event
Major Sponsors of Science Week 2005
:•• .*
*%m*^ Tecbnologiei
( Princeton
Brought to you by your
Science Undergraduate Society
A    Chemistry    J o k e . . .
Q: What element do you add to chromium to turn it into carbon?
A: Arson Page Twelve
18th January 2005
the science undergraduate society presents
i i
WITH   Stabilo
Fridayi   January   Efli   EDD5
SUB Ballroom * SUB * UBC
7:00 pm to 11:00 pm
no   minors   *   id   required
Tickets   on  sale   Jan   EM-Bfl
3  science  week   sales   booth
(main   concourse  of   sub)


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