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The 432 Sep 20, 1989

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 ^$C Archives -Serial
The Newspaper of the Science Undergraduate Society
Volume 3, Numbeif 2
September 20, 1989
by Aaron C. Drake
Would you sign on to a voyage to
another solar system? How about if
you knew mat it would take fourty
years to go there and back? how
about if you knew you were never
coming back?
When man first began to think,
he began to dream. Though his
body was trapped on earth, his
mind could wander space. Until
thirty or so years ago, this wandering was confined to each dreamer's
thoughts. But Sputnik changed
that, and soon after, man actually
wandered space, touching down on
the moon.
Exploring the solar system with
manned probes is a very real possibility. Does our curiousity have to
stop there? Is it possible to travel to
other stars? This question has been
asked by the greatest minds, and
the answer is, yes.
The stumbling block to interstellar flight is the vast distances
between stars, and the physics of
space and time that control us.
According to the special theory of
432 in Trouble,
Editor Says
Aaron Drake, the editor ofthe 432, the
Science Undergraduate Newspaper,
says the newspaper is facing a crisis.
"There just isn't enough room," he
claims. "We're filling up with Science
ads so fast, we're forced to backlog
Currendy, the 432 is eight pages
long, but Drake wants to see the 432
come out with twelve pages. That
way, students would have more
variety with less advertising.
"Right now, we have eight regular
contributors, and occassional input
from ten or so more. We have six
columns that, in addition to the
Classifieds and such, amount to four
pages of material. Take awaiy at least a
page for ads, and one for the front
page article, and we have two pages
left for student contributions!"
With only two pages, Drake regrets
that certain articles and fillers just
won't be printed. "We would like to
reprint David Suzuki articles, but
there's no space. And there are two
more people who want to have regular
columns. What can I tell them?"
If the 432 doesn't go to twelve pages
soon, many students will no longer
continued on page
Interstellar Traffic
relativity, it is impossible to travel
faster than the speed of light Any
trip to another star would take a
long time. Using today's rockets, it
would take thousands of years.
To break the barrier of longevity,
one of three things must happen:
1) relativity is proven wrong, in
that objects can accelerate past the
speed of light. This is very unlikely. Relativity has withstood
every test it has faced. 2) A breakthrough within the bounds of
physics allows spaceships to
"tunnel" through space to the
target star (this process will be the
topic of another article). General
relativity seems to allow this to
happen. 3) New spaceships are
built that are capable of long term
acceleration. This is the most
feasible prospect.
Yet even if such a spaceship
were designed, and there are many
proposals, the final stumbling
block seems to be domestic.
Funding for an interstellar spaceship would have to secured, and
the price would be staggering. The
spaceship would have to be assembled in orbit, to escape the
chains of the Earths gravity on the
surface. The spaceship would have
to be large enough to accomodate
the crew and supplies for the journey and return trip. All this, all
fuel, all materials would have to be
lifted into orbit and then assembled. The cost would be in the
high billions at the very least.
It would be easier to secure a
government commitment if it were
The Orion Legacy
It began in the mid-fifties. The Viper
Experiment placed two steel spheres
the size of basketballs a mere 10
meters from  ground zero of a 10
kiloton nuclear explosion. These
spheres were coated with graphite.
When the nuclear bomb was deto-
inated, the Shockwave carried the
two spheres with it, leaving them
them thousands of yards away from
ground zero. The steel spheres were
unharmed - only a few hundredths of
a millimiter of graphite had vaporized.
Nuclear pulse propulsion was born.
A spaceship could be powered this
way, it was reasoned. A series of
small nuclear bursts behind a large
graphite plate affixed to the ship
would propel the vehicle. The high
thrust of such a system, combined
with the relatively light fuel makes
the engine ideal for interstellar travel.
From 1958 to 1965, an number of
scientists (Freeman Dyson included)
worked on the Orion Project. For
seven years, they worked on the fine
points of nuclear pulse propulsion,
from detailed specific impulse data to
proper ablative materials. The
designers felt they had succesfully
come up with an interplanetary drive.
As a matter of fact, the nuclear pulse
propulsion system was easier to
design than the shock absorbing
In 1965, however, the project was
terminated, and nuclear pulse propul-
Many feel that the
only thing hindering
a starship project is
the absence of detectable planets orbiting
other stars.
sion was scrapped, due mainly to a
nuclear test ban treaty that prohibited
detonations in space, even for peaceful
With the demise of the Orion
Project, interstellar space travel was
dealt a serious blow. No other system
offered what nuclear pulse propulsion
continued on page 7
proven that there were planets orbiting other stars. Currently, it is
believed that Barnard's Star, six
light years away, may have two
planets orbiting it, but the evidence
is weak. Proof of such planets
would give us a target star where
we know there are planets. Where
we know there may be life. In fact,
many feel that the only thing
hindering a starship project right
now is the absence of detectable
planets on other stars.
Meanwhile, the dreamers still
In this Issue
Letters to the Editor 2
Dik Miter
The Back How
AMS Report
That's Trivial
Wild Campus
TJhe Ait of Science <*
New Shoots
Our<Saiaetic Fleet
Lightbalb Jokes
% STEIN *.*.<**
As I.N. STEIN is copyrighted, if you wish to reproduce it you must have
written permission from the artist, Ken Otter. Contact through the 432. EDITOR'S
I Ve been asked a lot of questions regarding the copyright of
any materials published here. I'll
set the record straight in this article. This one's a keeper: get
some scissors and paste this to
your wordprocessor (or typewriter -1 realize there are those of
you that still live in the stone age).
The Universal Copyright Convention (1952) guarantees that
the works of the author are an
extension of his personality, and
therefore are granted immediate
copyright upon creation. This
protection extends to foreign
countries and the only formality
required is a notice of claim.
Ideas cannot be copyrighted.
Also considered public domain
are theories (scientific, artistic,
historic), facts, titles, slogans (the
latter two fall under trademarks), equations, and so on.
Anything in the public domain
may be reproduced freely.
Let's start from the beginning,
where the author has come up
with a good story idea. While the
idea itself isn't copyrightable, the
plot is, if the story is written.
Certain characters are copyrightable (e.g. Dik Miller). The story
itself becomes federally copyrighted upon fixation: that is, the
work has been fixed in some tangible form - written, if it is a story.
The copyright is in the name of
the author, unless it is anything
that falls within the scope of his
employment. Even if the employer did not inform the employee, the work is considered a
made-for-hire piece, and the
employer automatically assumes
ownership. There is no way
around this, although prior agreements can transfer publication
rights to the employee. However,
there has to be payment made to
the employee in some form, although it doesn't have to be for
the work itself. If the employee
draws a wage, then the employer
can claim any work-related article.
Any copyright lasts until fifty
years after the death of the author.
For a work-for-hire piece, the
copyright lasts seventy-five years
after publication, or 100 years
after creation, whichever comes
Once a work is published, there
must be a notice of claim affixed.
This doesn't apply in certain
situations, such as limited circulation among friends, or submitting a manuscript to a publisher.
However, if a defective notice is
submitted, the piece reverts to
public domain.
Notice of claim involves the
placing of the copyright sign, or
just Copr. on the paper, as well as
the year of publication, and the
name of the author. If one or
more of these is omitted, the
piece is not copyrighted, unless
notice is filed within five years
of publication.
How does all this apply to the
432 ? Upon acceptance of your
article, copyright is transferred
to the newspaper, non-exclu-
sively. That is, we have been
granted First North American
Rights: we have the right to be
the first to print your article.
Thereupon, all rights revert back
to you. That's it All it takes is a
verbal agreement.
All of this is meaningless, unless there is infringement:
someone has published all or
some of your work without permission. In some cases, it is legal
to publish another person's
work. The policy of fair use
applies to quoting articles for
educational purposes, but the
law is vague as to how much can
actually be quoted. Quotes from
poems or songs require permission, unless they are in the public
domain. Quotes taken from stories are generally acceptable if
they constitute a small portion of
the entire story.
One final note: editorial revisions are not an infringement
upon copyright, and are also not
considered derivative works -
works that have recast or reworded previous works. So if I
cut your submission to pieces
and scar it upon restitching, you
can't sue. Thlblblhfct.
This artels, by Aaron Drake, and an
d» ankles jatbisfiew^paperafecopy-
righted under Galactic Federation
Law, if you copy it without permision
and make, millions off of if, we will
execute you. If you copy U with per*
mission and make millions off of it,
we will dismember you before we
execute you.
Her distant advice continues all semester,
but really - if you drink and drive, and
wreck, and your guts are splattered on the
road while your face sticks to the windshield, and witnesses vomit at the sight of
you, nobody really notices your underwear.
this message courtesy of the University of Saskatchewan Students' Union
Letter to the Editor
Dear sir,
I read, with great pleasure,
your September 6 edition of The 432. It
was well-structured, interesting, informative, and very creative. As for this
well-meaning, but sadly misguided
would-be journalist named Devan
Fauste, I have a number of things to say.
The obvious place for me to begin
would be to shout myself silly about The
many and varied spinoffs of nuclear and
particle physics. Not the least of these is
nuclear medicine which has provided
the closest thing to a cure for cancer that
this planet has seen. This is a fact that Mr
Fauste is sadly oblivious to, it seems. It
is fortunate that Mr. Fauste was not
allocating science funding fifty years
ago when this field of physics was still in
its infancy, and nobody had any inkling
of its varied potentials. I don't want to
get into that, however; that would be
missing the real point.
I could stoop to calling Mr. Fauste an
ignoramus for daring to criticize physicists for spending a mere (that's right,
mere) two billion dollars, when the U.S.
Defence Department has an annual
budget in excess of one trillion dollars. I
could call him an anti-intellectual medieval brute for placing a higher value on
MfRVs than Higgs Bosons. Or, less
graphically, but more disturbingly, for
valuing technology more than knowledge. However, to do this would also be
to miss the point.
The REAL point, the one that Mr
Fauste is amazingly and appallingly
ignorant of, is that science is a branch of
philosophy. Its only, and I can't stress
this enough, its ONLY purpose is to
understand how the universe works.
Science is not about technological advance nor about improvement of the
human condition. If Mr Fauste wants
either of those, he'sin the wrongfucking
faculty. He should proceed directiy the
Registrar's Office and transfer into
Engineering or into Medicine. Ranking
on scientists for wanting to study things
of no imaginable worth is like bitching at
your budgies for chirping: that's what
they do. That's what science is about.
In future columns (and perhaps more
importantly in future studies), Mr
Fauste would be well advised to remember this: that there is no such thing as
"trivial knowledge. Aristotle, Galileo,
Newton and Einstein would agree that
any man with such an attitiude is not
destined to do great things. Feeding the
homeless included.
Morgan Burke
BSc, Astrophysics, 1989, UBC
Devan Fauste's rebuttal:
Contrary to what Mr Burke
thinks, I do not consider myself a scientist; I think of myself as a human being,
and so I have an obligation to them
instead of the glorious pursuit of worthless knowledge. Two billion dollars is
not a meager amount when other important programs are starving for funding.
Blind and selfish pursuit of knowledge can be dangerous, Mr Burke. It
was people like you, not myself, that
were responsible for the MIRV. If I had
been allocating funding back then, yes,
I would have allocated more to other
worthy programs. Maybe today, then,
we would have a real cure for cancer,
not an excuse for overpriced radio-isotopes.
Science is the pursuit of knowledge,,
but wake up, Morgan! We live in anon-
ideal world, where people are dying,
where the world is going to hell in a
handbasket as it chokes in its own shit.
Put it in perspective. How important is
it that we know the spin of this silly
particle, after all? It can wait!
In the future, Mr Burke, perhaps you
should think about what you are saying.
How can you honesdy justify science
for science's sake when it means that
those children in the ghetto will be cold
tonight and hungry tomorrow morning?
I'm sure Aristode, Galileo, Newton,
and Einstein would all see that the two
billion dollars fed those children. They
would also agree that the true mark of a
person destined for greatness is genius
that is tempered with human compassion and understanding, not selfish,
gloryhounding, arrogance.
*She432 encourages letters to
the paper, even if they violently
disagree with our policies. It
makes for good reading.
September 20,1989 Dik Miller,
Campus Cowboy
by Derek Miller
I awoke with a screaming, blaring
headache. I looked at my watch and
there it was, gone. I had no idea
where I was, what time it was, or
even exactly what position I was in.
As my head cleared marginally, I
realized that I was lying down and
that my head was the lowermost part
of my body. My feet were some half
a metre further off the floor, and I determined that my headache was at
least pardaly due to the blood pooling in my head. With thait problem
handily explained (to some extent), I
rolled over and my legs dropped off
the table on which they had been
sitting. Within seconds, they were
painfully tingling. Standing up was
totally out of the question.
Well, this is useful, I thought. The
last thing I remembered was guzzling down a Long Island iced tea at
a club whose name I could not even
remember. Damn that demon alcohol, I mused. What a cliche. I must
really be losing my mind. The current plan had to be how to get out of
whatever predicament I was in - for
I was sure that I must be in a predicament. After all, I'm Dik Miller,
Campus Cowboy. Predicaments are
my job.
There was a distinct, loud click
and a flood of golden-yellow light
which splashed across the floor and
up the wall on my ri ght. In my stupor,
I was fascinated by the sudden suffusion of colour in what had been a
dark grey room. A shadow slinked
across the swath of light - trie shadow
of a man's head.
"Good morning, Mr. Miller. I
hope you had a pleasant...sleep.
Mwahahahaha," he boomed.
Mwahahahaha? I wondered.
Nobody says that anymore. What is
this? Some sort of schlocky 1940's
detective flick? This is starting to
bug me.
"Cat got your tongue, Mr. Miller?"
Oh no, this is getting worse by the
minute. Next he's going to say that
he's going to take me for a little ride
or something.
"Well, if you're not going to
speak, you might as well come with
me. We're going for a little ride."
With that, two burly,, hirsute
henchmen piled in, grabbed me by
the underarms (ouch), tied me up
with a thick, scratchy yellow rope,
gagged me, and hauled me out the
door into the brilliant morning sunshine. I had been inside a small brick
building in the middle of a field, and
a few metres away down a gravel
walkway was a big black sedan (No,
no, not a black sedan. This is too
much.) with its back door open. I was
lobbed in, and as I was orienting
myself the henchmen sat on either
side of me. The doors were shut, the
car started up, and we pulled away.
The man who had been talking to
me was sitting in the front passenger
seat He spoke again, but did not turn
around, so I could not quite see his
"You must be wondering who I
am, Mr. Miller."
"Hss ng mm," I replied, through
my gag.
"I'll assume that means 'yes I
am,'" he said, giggling. (Actually, I
had said piss off creep, but no matter.) "Well, I won't tell you."
"Mm," I said.
"You must wonder what I 'm doing
as well."
"Mm hmm."
"I won't tell 3'ou that either.
This was not a good situation. I
was still curious as to how I'd gotten
from the club and the Long Island
iced tea to the brick building in a
farmer's field. It didn't make sense.
"By the way, that iced tea you were
drinking was drugged. My guards
were disguised as bouncers and carried you out of that club."
"Let it suffice to say that
your...activities on campus were a
severe inconvenience to me, and I
decided that I could tolerate them no
My mind reeled. Who could I have
annoyed enough to have them want
to kill me, as this man was obviously
intent on doing? And how was I
going to get out of this? More importantly, how was I going to stop this
maniac from following every movie
cliche I could recognize? Once he
killed me he would no doubt go on
with some dastardly plan to take
over the world, and I could hardly allow that.
The car stopped and the man got
out. The thugs opened the door and
took me out after him. He was walking towards a large, ornately decorated mansion that was painted in
oh-so-trendy pastels. I was brought
inside, through winding and twisting
corridors, and into a large, well-lit
room which was dominated by a
massive oak dining table. The man
seated himself at the far end in front
of stacks of yellow papers which
seemed vaguely familiar somehow.
At last I could see his face. It was
intensely angular, with a straight
nose and deep-set green eyes. His
lips were thin and twitched when he
"Do you recognize these, Mr.
Miller?" he asked, indicating the
papers with a gloved hand.
I looked closely. They were UBC
parking tickets. Hundreds of them,
stacked in neat piles. As I read them,
I realized that each one bore my
signature at the bottom.
"I want these invalidated, Mr.
Miller. Traffic and Security has
threatened to confiscate my car if I
get one more."
I was torn between loyalty to my
job and loyalty to my life. I contemplated whether any torture this man
could inflict on me would be worse
than the wrath of my supervisor. It
was a tough decision.
"Nm hmm hmmsmm," I replied.
"What?" he asked?"
"Nm hmm hmmsmm."
He seemed to realized something.
"Remove the gag." His order was
carried out.
"No way Jose," I repeated.
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Kill him."
Well, maybe my supervisor
wasn't that bad. As the henchmen
encroached on me, I brought my chin
to my chest and pulled a small nib on
the front of my shirt. My Dik
Miller™ Inflatable Lifevest expanded quickly, severing the ropes
and allowing me to leap up in the air
and kick each henchman in the chin
- not an easy feat when the vest gave
me the appearance and mobility of
the Michelin man. They fell to the
floor. The man looked stunned, but
regained his composure and pulled
a gun. Needless to say, that was a
relatively easy matter to deal with,
so I won't bother describing it here.
Minutes later, the police were on
my way. I walked over to the man.
"So, what do you have to say for
yourself?" I inquired.
"Curses, foiled again," he said. I
nearly puked.
Another case closed for Dik
Miller, Campus Cowboy.
Dik Miller, for all yoi* greetf-
horns out there, has been a cor*
nerstone of the 432 ever since
Earth, Posters, Dik Miller™
Coffee Mags, Desigae* Condemns, md Bibs are available at
modbsttetsll markups*
by A. Ron Seedregg
The editor has asked me to open
this column with something inspirational for the frosh. He wants me to
give them a few words of advice and
such to help them cope over the
next nervous days.
I mean, / had to flounder on my
own, didn't I? Nobody pointed me in
the right direction. Heck, they even
pointed me in the wrong
direction.(There's a guy out there
who's gonna get it, boy. The Computer Science Building is not on
Wreck Beach, buddy.) What makes
this year's herd of frosh snotnoses
different? Help them? Bah!
But then again, there are a few
things that would really have come
in handy. Like how to sleep comfortably in those silly lecture chairs.
It's impossible. If you kick your feet
up, you can't rest your head anywhere; if your rest your head, you
can't stretch out and you feel like a
pretzel. If someone had told me
from the start what to do, I wouldn't
have been so tired when it came
time to study.
You know what to do, don't you?
Skip class.. It's easier on the back.
But it took me two months to figure
it out.
Here's a few more tips to getting
by in the classroom:
1. Don't sit upfront. The prof will look
at you when he lectures. It's an eerie
feeling. Worst of all, you can't make
paper airplanes or read a book with
him right there keeping an eye on
you. Sit in the back.
2. Wearappropriateclothing.You
want big pockets forthe walkman.
Try to make your clothes the
same colour as your surroundings, so the prof can't pick you
3. Keep your notebook on the
floor. This way, you won't drool on
your notes when you doze off.
4. Make the class a challenge.
The more the challenge, the more
interesting the class will be. Set
up a points system: give yourself
one point for hitting the overhead
with a paper airplane, two for hitting the prof's body, and a bonus
point if you can make him scream
in rage. Subtract a point if he
throws you out.
5. Regularly sit in the same place.
That's right beside the smartest
person in the class. It makes it
look normal when you sit beside
him in exams - no one will suspect
you of copying.
Follow these guidelines and
you should survive. Just remember this: Your house could burn
down and your notes would go up
in flames. Why take the chance?
Don't take notes!
Hon wants a column, so here it
Is, and aslongas Ari misses the
deadline for his colurarfc, Ron
will get space* Gee> we need a
larger paper. Gosh dam it* I
wish we bad a sales manager
who would earn a salary and
have a eool title for the resome.
The 432
September 20,1989 Why You Should Vote YES
Part one:
If you have ever been
involved in any AMS club that
required space on a regular basis, then
you realize that space is almost
impossible to get in the SUB. If you
live off campus then you know that
every neighbourhood in Vancouver
has its own community center. If you
have ever played any Intramural team
sports, then you know that because of
space limitations the games often have
to be played at unusual hours. (Well, I
call 11:00pm unusual).
The fact is that UBC's student
population is growing. When SUB
was built, its size was sufficient to accommodate the student population.
The increasing emphasis on physical
fitness has increased demand on sports
programs (Intramurals). And, as the
AMS has aged, it has accumulated
more and more clubs and other student
Expensive? Yes, it is
expensive; it's quite the facility. But
in a few years the price will double
and the demand will be so great as to
require the building without question.
It is true that some of us (such as
myself) will not see the complex built
during our stay here as students but I
believe that we do owe something to
students of the future. Just as the students of the past pressured to have
most of this university built and paid to
build SUB and part of the Aquatic
Center, so must we do our part, not for
the benefit of the Administration but,
for the benefit of the University.
Last year 60% of the students
said Yes to the Recreation Center in,
what had to be, one of the largest voter
turn-outs in AMS history. Yes tuition
did go up 10% but we expected at least
7%. It was obvious that students
wanted the Building so let us not be
cowered by that extra 3%. This is our
best opportunity.
Vote Sept 25-29
RECFAC' tottaBwi
iHMHaMHi       ISrnnng Yotnr Sfrntant
Part two:
Currendy, and for the past few years,
there has been a serious shortage of
space for clubs and sports teams.
Intramurals has no place to put the
ballooning programs, except at late
hours of the night, when we should be
asleep. Clubs are doubled up, tripled
up, or just can't get the proper space.
Each year it will get worse. Intramurals is pushing for 50% student
involvement that means a serious
demand on our existing sports facilities. The problem won't go away - it
can only get worse as the students
become more involved.
There have been objections that the
proposed RecFac doesn't go far
enough to ease the shortages. There is
Why You Should Vote NO
During last year's campaign, the
AMS spent an incredible $25,000
on flashy posters, buttons, bus ads,
models, videos, cups, and newspapers to promote the idea of a
recreation facility. The AMS has
now finalized the plans and components of the recreation centre.
This year, students are voting on
the finalized proposal. This proposal deserves a NO vote.
What facilities are in this proposed building? Well, there is a
gym and locker rooms...but if you
voted yes in 1988 because you
wanted a recreation that included:
a concert hall-it isn't there;
|recognize that there is a need for a student recreational fadlitjj
no daycare nor is there enough
parking. But if we vote against the
RecFac, the problem of no daycare or
parking or lack of club space will still
be there and the only answer will be
another RecFac later on. Voting no
will only delay a much needed facility
and increase the cost. RecFac must go
through. Vote YES on Sept 25 - 29.
Ari Giligson
SUS President
Aaron Drake
Editor, 432
Publications Coordinator
a weight room-it isn't there;
daycare-it isn't there;
squash courts-they aren't there;
racquetball courts-they aren't there
The AMS didn't even include
bleachers where sports fans or club
members could sit and cheer for
their teams. The AMS proposal
doesn't include an auditorium, or a
cinema facility, or a conversation
pit. Club office space was one of
last year's big selling points. Yet.
the proposal offers only fifteen
new offices, when there are over
200 UBC clubs. Currently clubs
are doubled in SUB offices, and
every club suffers from overcrowding.
The recreation centre was
supposed to be an open facility for
general student use, but the AMS
gave first priority to Intramural
Sports. Many students would like
to play a quick game of volleyball
or basketball with their friends-
they don't want to play in formal
leagues or be forced to buy uniforms. For them, the AMS offers
only 25 hours per week for general
student's use. That's just 3.6 hours
each day for a campus with over
25 000 students, that's not enough
The AMS is asking the student to
pay $30 each year (without a
promised end to this fee) for a
recreation centre that does not
meet the needs and interests of
UBC students. Some argue that
this building is needed; we also
need quality research labs, affordable housing, and more parking.
The AMS has convinced UBC Administration to spend part of its
budget on this sports centre. What
we need is a recreation centre that
is a facility for all students. What
we wanted and needed in this
facility, what we voted yes for in
1988, is not included in the final- v
ized proposal. Our response to the
AMS proposed recreation centre
must be "NO." Vote NO on Sept
25 to 29.
Joanna Harrington
Arts AMS Representative
Get Ready
for This
by Derek K. Miller, AMS Rep
So, what exactly did the AMS
do this summer? (What? They
did something this summer?
What an idiotic bunch of...)
Well, anyway, we did do stuff.
Quite a bit, in fact. We (the
AMS Council, that is) met every two weeks, and some of the
things we decided on are listed
Rod French was appointed
Assistant Director of Finance
and helped Karl Kottmeier, D
of F, prepare the 1989-90 AMS
Budget, which Council passed.
If you want to see a copy, come
to the SUS office (Chem 160)
or the AMS business office in
SUB. But be warned: it's two
centimetres thick. The AMS
will remain neutral and will
provide "just the facts" on the
new Recreation Facility (Rec
Fac) referendum to be held September 25th to 29th. Please vote.
President Strangway and the
Board of Governors have been
asked to roll back tuition in light
of $9.6 million in new government funding, but it looks like a 7-
8% tuition increase is in the
works for next year anyway.
Contrary to the intentions of the
Student Administrative Commission (SAC), the SUB Council
chambers will be able to be
booked by constituencies such as
Science for meetings. We will,
however, be held accountable for
our own mess(es).
The Environmental Interest
Group is now an AMS service
organization, like the Ubyssey,
Speakeasy, and the like. It can be
found somewhere in SUB. (I've
lost the exact office number. Call
Mike Lee at 228-3972 if you want
to know more.) Council looked
over President Strangway's Mission Statement. Ask Mike Lee
(see above) if you want to see it
One thousand dollars is being
put to build a memorial to the
Chinese student protesters killed
in Beijing on June 4th.
Bus passes for students living
outside of the City of Vancouver
will be considerably cheaper
when used in conjunction with a
$2 sticker available at SubCetera.
Only a single zone FareCard is
necessary to get to UBC from
Burnaby, North and West Van,
Surrey (!), White Rock, and other
nether regions. Duke's Cookies
is not a dead issue yet. AMS bylaws demand that the petition
received by Council in the spring
lead to a new referendum on
Duke's, even though AMS-run
Blue Chip Cookies is already
operating and the Duke's partnership may have dissolved. This
sure is a campus for hefty issues,
isn't it? Robert F.Osborne, after
whom Osborne Gym is named,
will be this year's recipient of the
Great Trekker Award.
A donation of $3500 was given
to the UBC Daycare society to
help purchase a small bus. The
children at the facility are almost
exclusively those of UBC students or staff. On the other hand,
Council did not provide funds to
help send Hai V. Le to Ghana
(see his articles in the Ubyssey)
or Wayne Nelles to Pyongyang,
North Korea for the World Festival of Youth and Students, on
the grounds that such funding
would be a precedent for too
many other individual projects.
Campus newspapers are now
required to list the legal names of
their editors in each issue. The
editors will be held responsible
for the contents. Personal computer access is becoming a priority for students at UBC, and
the new AMS Committee on
Personal Computing, spearheaded by Dennis Bibby of
Education, is investigating the
possibility of easy access for all
students to such facilities. SFU
students currently have more
than 100 Macintosh machines
accessible totally free seven
continued on next page
September 20,1989 Derek Miller ,AMS
continued from previous page
days a week.
A taskforce on tuition and student aid has been fonmed. Its priorities are well described by its
name. Students' Courts will be
reconvened this year to deal with
many student concerns, some of
which will include the Duke's
cookies and Rec Fac issues.
$3000 was earmarked for restoration of the totem pole which
was donated to UBC in 1948 by
the Haida nation and which permitted the University's use of the
"Thunderbird" team name and
insignia. The totem will be relocated to the new plaza being
constructed to the north of SUB
after being painted and
strengthened. Rec Fac's management agreement, negotiated
between the AMS and the University administration, has been
finalized and was approved by
AMS Council.
If you'd like to know more,
please contact me (that's Derek
Miller, if you didn't read the
byline) in the SUS office, Chem
160 (228-4235) or at AMS box
TM432 feattS^S-fuadsxipubtieauoa,
dedicated to the purpose of informing
the science «ufont and sabSaataaHy
turning them fotorobots. Th&<*&2 spent
hard drive, and she pap&r was geneti-
callyeagiaeeied oa JU*dfert the jam-
min" Macintosh SE. Wheeee.
That*s the way it was, Volume 3,
lm&% Wednesday* Sepieaibef 6,
Editon AaisonC, Brake
Wr!ter$$n m fW$ki&iWvrder}i
Devan Fauste, Aasai C D*ake>
David W, New, Ari G%?on, Den*
Derek Oardy, 3«JnnaMeiring*ai,
K&m MeCaa,€a&eriae RattM
bttlstei B&tOlisr, Aaron tJtake,
L&yptifc B»vid; W,New, i^ro»
D^Besek Miller *
the 432 is astuderw publication p«b-
Hsfced jwlp* mondly. -$M material in
B* *«!«», im. ®txnk$m #m*
Then I will
&»d the mesa f<m
loo short,
*Bh& very
ms, yh» 4n J
£«»isooe 1[:
is -rHg P«y$ co
pe srooam ofvo-re iw»e» op tw£ir
-nic host Popocau oj-tval is rue
rpu&A tun cMunk of ne&..PUK irop.
rpMUUll-i- THe WICkiWri.NOTWe $JuO|hW
WO. I    F«KPia>Tiflfui pnRA<g<t ;-
<2> PUSH It'. PUSH IT1.
® 6£ r «ovina# Burwew!
S6M* Xfi.
NEXT op:
,4        WHIT THE Hfcfc
001 b
Nominations are opening wide for year reps. The
Science Undergraduate is looking for a few good
people that want to get involved, get famous, and make
a difference. You, yes you, can be that person. Just
come on down to Chem 160 and well -fill you in on
the details. What do we offer?
ThisadhasbeeiEi gkaafoBy devised
willi the fall cooperation of Ca&erinfe
Rankel, owHoikho tnCbarg&of
Elections and Horoscopes.
This ad was written without the
9*0 wilt most Ifcstydoase me
l&gasoBae and light ate on fire
antess some of yo** come in and
be fep, which feagreeat thing
for that sacred resume; (pre-
*ned$,take note)*
The 432
by Tanya Rose
Hi again! Because everyone seemed to
like the last THAT'S TRIVIAL, I'll
give you another one. Good Luck!
Theme: Doctors.
1-10: Easy
1. This UBC professor is famous for
his outspoken newspaper articles and
TV series, as well as his advances in
2. Who is the sex therapist that calls
for Good Sex 1
3. What famous character could
transform himself into an evil psychopath by quaffing a potion?
4. This Doctor created a human
monster with the help of his faithful
assistant, Igor.
5. Who was the TV surgeon that,
worked at Blair General Hospital,
played by Richard Chamberlain?
6. This doctor, in the movie that was
named after him, was the opponent of
James Bond.
7. Theodor Geisel write children's
books under this medical pseudonym.
8. Who was Sherlock Holme's
9. This band jumped to a brief moment
of stardom with a cover of Spirit in the
10. Name the five roommates of
Hawkeye Pierce.
11-15: Medium
11. This legendary doctor stood beside
Wyatt Earpp at the O.K. Corrall.
12. Who was The Man of Bronze?
13. What did Doctor Doolittle ride
across the Indian Ocean?
14. What is the name of Doctor Who's
time machine?
15. What black and white spoof on
nuclear war starred Peter Sellers,
George C. Scott, and Slim Pickens?
16-210: Hard
16. What Radio Quiz show, sponsored
by Mars Bar, starred Lew Valentine?
17. Who was Buck Roger's companion?
18. Who was Dr. Ben Casey's senior?
19. Who killed Denny Colt, in the
comic, The Spirit?
20. Who did Beaker assist?
Bonus Question:
This Asian villian was created by Sax
Rohmer in 14 novels. He was played
in the movies by greats such as Boris
answers on page 8	
Physsoc Message #4: Famous people
have been members of PhyssocLike
who? Like....like...lotsa people. They
became members because they liked
the donuts that were free, and the pop
that was only a quarter. We got new
furniture, with a pool table in our
library; every new member gets a free
trip to the Bahamas. Morgan Fairchild
and Tom Selleck are our honorary
chairpersons. I'm lying about everything. Come to Physsoc in room 307
Hennings building. Free tutoring.
Noon hour lectures. Oh joy.
September 20, 1989 The Art Of Science
by Devan Fauste
A while back, I was violently
attacked. It wasn't the everyday brutal assault; it was psychologically violent.
"Hey!" the pretty activist
shouted at me. I stopped, not
because she was an activist,
but because she was pretty.
"Will you wear a 'no nuclear
power' button to support the
I said, "No, I believe in nuclear power."
The entire room went silent.
Every person turned to stare at
me, gaping in absolute disbelief.
"What, are you some kind of
sicko?" She demanded, "do
you know what a nuclear
power plant could do to you?"
"Why, yes, as a matter of
fact," I said, looking for the
door out.
"No you don't! " Then she
proceeeded to give me an hour-
long lecture on the dangers of
nuclear power. I soon discovered that she was right: someone in this room obviously
knew nothing about nuclear
power. But it wasn't me.
For instance, an activist once
told me about a study that they
had recently completed regarding a nuclear power plant in
California. If there was a major
breach of the containment
dome, I was told, then over
fifty thousand people would
die within the next ten years. I
was impressed by that fact,
until I did a little snooping.
You see, they hadn't lied to
me about those figures. Fifty
thousand would die. But they
didn't tell me that fifty thousand would die if the containment dome of the plant wasn't
breached. As a matter of fact,
fifty thousand people dying in
the next ten years is the expected number of deaths from
regular causes.
They didn't lie to me, then.
But they didn't exactly tell the
truth. The truth is that, in the
worst possible case (total meltdown and disintegration of the
containment dome), the deaths
won't be as high as the activists scream. The entire reactor
of Chernobyl melted down,
blowing the entire building to
dust. Just over thirty poeple
died. That's a far cry from
thousands upon thousands.
But this article isn't about
nuclear power. It's about the
propoganda that surrounds not
only nuclear power, but nuclear weapons, nuclear terrorism, and any gosh-darn thing
that has the word nuclear
attached to it. I can even
extend this label to the propoganda surrounding animal
experiments, logging, and so
on: activism is a noble pursuit,
but it's easily perverted. Most
The majority of activists rely on
the media to inform them, but
the media tends to rely on
activist groups for their information. With the same information
flying back and forth in a onesided presentation, how can the
average person help not falling
into the trap of accepting these
words as law?
A classic example of how the
media can distort the nuclear
issue can be found in a 1988
documentary on the Chernobyl
disaster. While the narrator was
telling about the radionuclides
released in the explosion, the
cameras were panning the
landscape around Chernobyl.
Everything was dead. There
were no shrubs, no trees, no
Most activists have a blatant disregard for truth; they don't want
to inform the people, they want to
panic the people.
activist groups have a blatant
disregard for truth; they don't
want inform the people, they
want to panic the people. So
they stretch truths, warp them,
shape them, and omit other
truths. When they are finished,
they often paint a picture that
is far from what it actually is.
When it comes right down to
it, most activists have given
very little effort to inform
themselves about the issue that
they are against. How many
nuclear protesters could hold
an intelligent discussion on the
safety systems of reactors,
save from what they have read
in pamphlets that have been
distributed by their own
group? Their arguments are
one-sided because they don't
usually take the time to research the topic; they rely on
what other activists have to
say or on what they read in
popular magazines and newspapers.
It becomes a vicious circle.
plants, nothing. It was a grim
warning of a world killed by
nuclear mismanagement. The
message was powerful.
The truth, though, was that it
wasn't the radiation that killed
everything. The top six inches
of topsoil had been scraped off
by earth moving equipment as a
safety measure. All the vegetation had been removed with it.
Yet the documentary didn't
mention this; instead they let the
viewer assume that the radiation
had destroyed everything
around Chernobyl.
While the documentary didn't
lie to us, they didn't exactly tell
us the truth. The presented the
facts, yes, but in a such a light
that the viewer would draw an
obvious conclusion that is
obviously wrong. Legally, there
is nothing wrong here; ethically,
this propoganda is libellous.
But somehow the scientist,
promoting nuclear technology,
is seen as the villain.
Devan Fauste is a regular
contributor to the 432. his
column. The Art of Science,
appears every issue- The editors welcome any responses
negative or positive to
Devan's article and opinions.
^Edfessneed writers a»Jl»ve
been known to end up liking a
few,* -Arthur Ptotosk
Devan Fauste'? The Art qf Science
ired mxt thaa a few at the Pbysk*
Society. What does this guy Jtnow,
feey demanded. His opkdoa tamm
However wrong ot right his
opinion was, Devan Fauste made «
lot of people &axk> He reached
4060 students with his opinion; lie
angeredJtiany, bathe also
informed many. ThatV the power
If yoafcave something to say, it'a
important. Come down toCbean
160 aad say itto 4000 studeate by
writing far the 4$2, The Science
thtdergtaduaie Newspaper needs
writers and artist? by fee score, for
it worrtte fcwghefore wejntnptjp
to twelve pages per asue.For more
atfbrmafion, come to Chem 160, or
contact Aaron at 228-4235.
Einstein in his UldeR days
(i"/ino riUK^Om^f
The 432
September 20,1989 The Orion Legacy
continued from page 1
could. All that was left was vague
ideas on chalkboards.
Of the vague ideas, the most promising turned out to be; the fusion engine. A plasma would be kept
contained in a magnetic bottle while
some of the energy was slowly
allowed to leak out, thrusting the ship
forward. Such an engine could find its
fuel from the thin scattering of
hydrogen throughout ail of space. A
giant scoop in front of the spaceship
would funnel the hydrogen into the
engine where they would fuse into
helium nuclei. Ideally, this system
would be better even than the nuclear
pulse system.
Unfortunately, no controlled fusion
reaction has ever been created, and
one isn't expected for a while yet. So
the two best ideas for interstellar
travel fall: one is forbidden, and the
other is theoretical.
Our Galactic Startleet
PiarBsr IQ
Vcj^ager 1        Voyager 2
Jteflar Approach
Years to Reach
MarchX Wtl      April5,1&72  August20,l£?7   Sept.5, IW7
2.4 Aa/Yr
3-2? ly
Z2 An/Yr 3$ A^i/Yr 3.4 Au/Yr
IMly 0.80 ly
AC+793888 "   AC +793888        Sk'm
42400 40300 497000
In a sense, mankind has already dispatchedgalactic cruisers. The Pioneer and
Voyager probes hold claim to being ourfirst starships. But they are that only
technically. Within twenty years, we will lose contact with contact with all four
probes, and they will be wandering, sophisticated space garbage.
Become a member of th<?
Computer Science Student
Society, CSSS (CS3), an<J
avoid bleary-eyed all-mghter|
in front of your computer. W»
offer lots of friendly advice*
old exams, cheap pop anfj
chocolate bars, a microwave?
and locker rentals (for non«
members, too). So don rt delayt
see me today, open evening^
and Sundays in Computer Sci*
The 432
continued from page 1
contribute. Interest in the paper, which
is very high now, will drop. The
quality will fall.
"In the end, it's the student that
While Derek Cardy, SUS Director of
Finance, agrees, he admits that
budgetary constraints have tied his
hands. Even though the 432 has run
under budget every year, the 50%
increase in volume would mean a 50%
increase in cost. "It's too expensive,"
says Cardy.
The only alternative, it seems, is to
procure paid advertising from businesses. "But," warns Drake, "we need
a sales manager, and none have
stepped forward." If they could get
one, Drake claims, then they would go
immediately to twelve pages. "It
would be a good job for someone. It
would pay very well, as well as look
great on the resume. I sure hope
someone drops by Chem 160. Heck,
they just have to call me at 228-4235.
We're talking serious bucks here."
Science Week Stuff
Science Week 1990. January 22nd to 26th. Monday to Friday, the fourth week
back from Christmas break. It's aiming to be a success. But we need your help
- you in departmental clubs which aren't yet pitching in to the Science Week
Committee, or for that matter anybody else who's interested.
Okay, so that's exactly the standard We-Don't-Have-Enough-People
blurb. Well, we do. We can pull this off fine without your help. We can pull
anything off. For We Are The Science Week Committ.... Oh. Sorry. Didn't
mean to shout.
Anyway, we can do everything better with you than without you. And
we want this event to be as big as it can get. So contact the Science Week
Committee (through Dave New or Antonia Rozario) at the SUS office, CHEM
(What are we planning? Well, besides Big Name lectures, contests
and events galore, a dance, a sale on Science stuff, a blood drive, and just
oodles else, I can't tell you. At least, not until you volunteer. Booha.)
Abrupt News Flash
Susan Saatchi is the new Science Sales Coordinator. She took over from
Annette Rohr and Kande Williston on September 14th.
That Funky AMS
"I do [pause] support [pause] the concept of [pause] helping [pause] students.'
-Andrew Hicks
New Shoots
Episode Two: Sonneteer
by David W. New
If English is your mother
tongue, odds are you studied it
in school for long enough. In
high school, Shakespeare —
probably quite roughly done
— and too much poetry by
far, at university, perhaps,
"The Star," or Gatsby, Dub-
liners ... you know the stuff.
You've all been through it.
You all know how tough it is
to write analyses at par with
Coleridge, Shaw, or Dryden,
most especially when you
aren' t taught how to create
Or perhaps the
notion's that your fresh young
mind has managed! to assimilate the rules (what rules?) of
English grammar, meshing
utter nonsense into something
Yeah, right. Please. Let's
get real. The English language
has no constant structure, no
regard for any standard sentence
order. Marred by inconsistencies
throughout, harangued by inescapable exceptions, dangling (yet
accepted) modifiers, hard-to-
follow syntax, English is retarding everyone from whom the
language sprang.
Well, diat's all as it may.
One still must learn to speak it
well, to write it with facility, in
order to shift one's concern to
matters more diverse. To have
ability is only to have practised.
Turn, for starters, to this informative drill....
A roster, then. First,
"firstly." Not a word. Although
successive ordinalities do take
the ending, "first" does not. Next,
please .... Ah. Secondly (see?),
"irregardless." Heard with irritating frequency, this murdered
epithet is faulty litotes. And
thirdly, "orientate." Such a
The English language
has no constant structure, no regard for stan-
dard sentence order.
measly effort to add syllables
sends curdles through my spine.
The word is "orient!" Would you
say, "flirtate," from, "flirtation?"
Yet this so detestatable practice
went unobservated — indeed,
went abetted — when the First
Year Student Program sent a letter out this summer trying to get
some "Frosh Orientators."
But although I'm
steamed about "alright,"
"advisement," and improper
use of "it's," I'll leave my
canned condemnatory
speech alone, and go instead
to a solution: read! You
know the stuff: I listed it
above. It's grand thought
structure — don't dismiss it
out of hand. It's needed in
this world. It's vital.
So I challenge students, yes, of any sort, Fine
Artist, Scientist, or Engineer, to master English syntax, to comport themselves
with word-built dignity, to
hear semantics ... and to
write a good report.
To be a voice, if not
a sonneteer.
The 432
September 20,1989 LAST CHANCE FOI
Order your Science U.B.C.  leather melton jacket now.
Blue melton body, white leather sleeves + collar.
SCIENCE   UBC on the back, and a crest on the front.
Also available: grad year numbers, departmental badges,
name bars, nicknames, program names can all be ordered.
On sale until Sept 29. CHEM    16Q
How many Campus police does
it take to change a lightbulb?
Three: one to do it, and two to
write up tickets.
How many Physical Plant
workers does it take to change a
No one has ever found out...
How many Arts students does it
take to change a lightbulb?
One, but it's worth three credits.
How many first-year Arts
students does it take to change a
None - it's a fourth-year course.
How many engineers does it
take to change a lightbulb?
Five hundred. One to remove
the old bulb, ninety-nine to dig
the hole, one to throw it in,
ninety-nine to fill the hole in
with concrete, two hundred and
ninety-nine to erect a cairn over
it, and one to replace the old
bulb with one painted red.
How many engineers does it
take to change a lightbulb?
Twenty-one: one to change the
lightbulb, and twenty to chant,
How many Forestry students
does it take to change a
Two: one to cut it out with a
chainsaw, and one to pound it
in with a backhoe.
How many AMS council members does it take to change a
Need to sell something? Sell it in the classifieds. It's cheap:
only two dollars for science students. Here's a good cheap way
to reach four thousand students. We're at Chem 160, or phone
Do The Town
At Half Price
One to motion the change, one
to second, one to amend the
motion to "change the aforesaid
lightbulb and replace with
another," one to found the
Committee to Investigate the
Effectiveness of Different
Bulbs, one to go on a factfinding mission to the Bahamas,
one to charge the students a
thirty dollar fee, and one to have
the lightbulb taken out altogether and replaced with a
AMS-run flourescent lamp.
How many Pre-med students
does it take to change a
Carpool wanted from British Properties. Will
alternate driving, split gas. Call 925-3714.
Appliances needed. Refrigerators, coffee
makers, anything you want to get rid of. We
need sofas, chairs, tables, anything! Call Ari at
Floor Hockey players needed for competitive
Science team. Registration ends soon. Come to
Chem 160, and sign up.
Wanted: Reptiles. Reply to Box 101, Chem
'73 MGB, fair condition. New motor, two new
tires. New battery. Asking $2500. 872-2259.
Donuts in the Physics Society, Hennings 307.
Fifty cents. Chocolate, jelly, albatross.
Help Wanted
Delivery person needed for The 432. $10/hr.
Little to no hours. Apply in person at Chem
Hey Narly Stud-Dude! Do you remember
what the weather was like? Excuse me, I gotta
go to the bathroom. Cough hack wheeze!
A.C.D. made me do this. Ummm tee hee. Luv,
Physsoc Message: Thought you saw the end of
us? No way. Physics is light. Physics is truth.
Physics is the mantra of the higher being. Gain
the existential euphemisms that behold an inner
quintessential cosmic oneness with the psycho-
quantum neuro-astrological channels. Or just
hang out in a bitchin lounge that has cheap pop
and donuts and microwave. Henning 307.
Membership gets you a neato carrel.
Vote. Yes or no, it doesn't matter. Get out and
vote in the RecFac referendum.
Diana: Thank you for that night. It was incredible. Next time, 1*11 bring the lug wrench. Hah.
That'll make 'em wonder. Chuck.
Oh Pat, Kissy Kissy Smoochy Smoochy. Judy,
your one and only.
Oh Pat, Kissy Kissy Smoochy Smoochy.
Doris, your one and only.
Oh Pat, Kissy Kissy Smoochy Smoochy. Philip,
your one and only.
Oh Pat, just take it easy and don't sit on hard
surfaces for a week. Bill, your one and only
Vote Natty Gleicher, first year rep. If I don't do
it, who will?
The   following   people   have
until   Oct.   13  to  pick  up
their   sports   rebates   from
Chem   160.   Contact   Derek
Cardy,    Dir.   of   Finance.
Bell,   Bob
Bergman,   Carey
Campbell,    Jim
Folkes,    Michael
Lee,  Matthew
Lee,   Ming
Li,   Joseph
Martens,   Sheri
Ng,   Susan
Oldenburg,   Steve
Philp,    Nicola
Pierre,    Denise
Proffett,  John
Roberts,  Greg
Watterson,   John
Yeung,   Ben
ENTERTAINMENT® books work as
hard to save you money as
you do to earn it. With this
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discounts you can save on
almost everything—all year.
Only $40.00
For more information call:
CHEM 160
One, but it goes on his resume.
How many law students does it
take to change a lightbulb?
One, and you'd better let him
do it: he's got a court order.
We have always been space
-Carl Sagan
Answers to THAT'S
TRIVIAL, from page 5
1. Dr. Suzuki.
2. Dr. Ruth.
3. Dr. Jeckyll.
4. Dr. Frankenstein.
5. Dr. Kildare.
6. Dr. No.
7. Dr. Seuss.
8. Dr. Watson.
9. Doc And The Medics.
10. (Doctors) B.J. Hon-
eycut, Winchester, Frank
Burns, Spearchucker,
Trapper John.
12. Doc Savage.
13. A Butterfly Moth.
14. The Tardis.
15. Dr. Strangelove.
16. Doctor I.Q.
17. Dr. Zarkoff
18. Dr. Zorba.
19. Doctor Cobra.
20. Dr. Bunsen Honey-
BQ: Dr. Fu Manchu
1-10:   1 point.
11-15: 2 points.
16-20: 3 points.
BQ:     5 points.
>32 pts - Expert
24-31 pts - Know-it-all.
14-23 pts- Joe Average.
<13 pts -Special.
The 432
Se September 20,1989


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