UBC Publications

UBC Publications

UBC Publications

The 432 Nov 9, 1988

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Volume 2, Number 5
November 9,1988
■Show-Biz Science
Jim Powlik is making waves
with sharks at UBC.
by Jessica Dixon
The first thing you notice when Jim
Powlik walks into the room is his
ominous  black,	
school and first year university students.
Add to this owning and operating
Oceanautics Consulting, pursuing a
graduate degree, tutoring, recreational
volleyball, the martial arts, and, believe
it or not, a full-time job.
Does he ever sleep?
trenchcoat. His
trademark. A
baggy Australian oilskin - the
kind of thing
you'd expect to
see on Mad Max
or maybe Jack
the Ripper, certainly not a shark
biologist. And
just what is a
shark biologist
supposed to look
like? Maybe
abound from the
movie Jaws, but
I was expecting
someone more
along the lines of
minus a limb
His smile is a brilliant white contrast
to the coat He's cleanshaven, with
close-cropped hair, except where it
meanders down over his collar. His eyes,
at the moment, are warm and steady, but
one senses their equal potential for penetrating intensity, just like the animals he
He apologizes for being late for the
interview. "I don't function well before
noon," he grins. Actually, he's precisely
on time (his flashy Trans Am with licence plates that read "GR8 YTE" made
sure of that), but the comment reiterates
his well-known aversion to early mornings. Nonetheless, it is a unique opportunity to learn a little more about a man
who prefers to offer his subject, and not
his personal life, for public consumption.
"A lot. of my colleagues aren't impressed with what they've come to call
'sho^-biz science," which certainly includes sharks," he says. "But I've always
maintained that my motivation is to relay
the known facts about sharks to a generally interested, but largely misinformed,
publiif. I'm just the mouthpiece at the
The mouthpiece's arena has so far
included a lecture series at the Vancouver Afquarium, freelance writing, and
career counselling for prospective high
"Shark biologists do more before 9 AM. than the army does all day" - Powlik
insists that the interest was generated
more from the media blitz on sharks than
the movie itself. "Sharks were everywhere that summer, and for years later.
Benchley's book really dealt more with
a small town and the attitudes within it
than the fish, but the movie created a
very real
fear from a
very real
animal. I
all of it like
a sponge
and I guess
it eventu-
a 1 1 y
the obsession I now
back, I'm
glad it
wasn't a
Is    this
guy     for
"Are you kidding?" he jests. "Shark
biologists do more before 9 A.M. than
the army does all day."
Do sharks sleep?
"Sure they do. They just don't close
their eyes. It's kind of like a first year
Physics lecture."
He also does a little stand-up comedy.
Very little.
Jim Powlik graduated from the /""
UBC Oceanography/Biology
honours program last year. They
threw me out after four years and
66 credits. Too bad -1 wanted to
take some electives in surgery, or
maybe reconstructive dentistry.
Something fun." Now he's working with Dr. Bob Blake in the
Zoology department as a graduate
student. The subject of his research
is shark feeding mechanics. "I like
the pointy end," he says with the
self-admitted understanding of a
well-read ten year old.
So how does a guy born in Calgary get interested in sharks?
"The same way a guy born in
Vancouver gets interested in professional hockey. Freak of nature, I
Very little comedy.
His interest in sharks originated
in the wake of the movie Jaws, but f
real? If so, what does the future hold for
"I'd like to see my work take me
farther and farther afield. Then, eventually, when I've earned my Ph.D. and
gained more knowledge, I'd like to return to UBC and start a full-fledged
shark research division."
But doesn't your answering machine
proclaim that already?
"Well, we're kinda small right now,"
he admits. The institute currendy occupies one corner of his living room. "But
it's nice. We sweep out the beer cans and
rake the leaves out of the pool for visting
dignitaries and Heads of State."
Why set up in Vancouver? I mean,
we're not exactly shark central.
"I love the city. And I can still correspond with locations for more intense
research. It hit me last year -1 was on my
way down to the Aquarium to catch the
shark feeding after doing an interview
for CFOX. The roof was off, the tunes
were cranked, and I said 'This is it This
is where I want to be.'"
Then why study sharks?
"I can'tsay for certain. I guess I'm just
fascinated with their perfection of design. They haven't got the hug factor of
marine mammals, but then neither do
dinosaurs and they're trendy right now.
Sharks had their day in the mid/ifOX but
their time will come again. I only hope
that when it does I can do my part to give
them a little better rep. Increasingly, as
sharks are shown to be less and less a
threat to man, the funding spigot is being
shut off. There is a great need to study
these animals for what they are, not their
threat to humans. UBC is thankfully
giving me the chance to do that."
Jim Powlik's case should be considered inspirational to any disenchanted
science undergraduates. For, at least for
now, research possibilities are not too
restricted for enthusiastic exploration,
nor the world too vast for heroes.
IN.STEIN  i- «wa»
STUDIO \N R&BCRKMON LIP SYNC '88 - November 10, 7pm, SUB Ballroom
Teaching Excellence
Award Nominations
by Julie Memory, 1st Vice-President
Teaching Excellence Award time is
here! If you think your prof is clear,
effective, helpful, and just plain wonderful, nominate him or her for mis prestigious award. Fill in die attached form and
return it to Scarfe 9 by 4pm Nov. 16th.
The Science Academics Sub-Council,
which presents the Teaching Excellence
Award, is a forum for student academic
concerns and produces the Black and
Blue Review, and is composed of year
and club representatives and interested
students. Meetings take place Thursdays
at 5:30pm in the Scarfe Lounge. Please
drop by if you're interested in participating.
Teaching Excellence Award
Nomination Form
Please print.
Course(s) Taught:
Student Number
Supporting Signatures:
(at least 10 required)
Student Number
No person may nominate more than one professor or instructor, and each student
is limited in signing only one nomination per term. An Academics Sub-Council
member may not nominate a professor or instructor or sign a nomination form.
Please return completed forms to the Academics Coordinator's box in the Science
Office (Scarfe 9) by Wednesday, November 16,1988. Also remember to include
a short outline on why you think the nominee should receive the award. Although
this is not mandatory, it will gready aid in the selection process.
432 Nooz
o Meetings still take place every Thursday at 12:30, usually in Scarfe room
1004 or 1006. Check with Scarfe 9 in
advance for location,
o We need staff of all sorts, but particularly:
Interview Journalists
Cut V Paste Helpers
o Submissions are always welcome. The
deadline for the next issue (the last for
this term) is Wednesday, November
16th, for publication on the 23rd.
Join the original campus faculty newspaper - The 432!
Election Results
by Julie Memory, 1st Vice-President
Elections were held for First and Second
Year Science Representatives on October 27th. Two First Year Reps and three
Second Year Reps were selected:
lsLXsar 2juLY_£ax
Hugh Leung        Derek Cardy
Kande Williston Annette Rohr
Bonnie Snider
Congratulations to the winners and to
all candidates.
Nov 15*
FILM: H«r<* ChoicesS«n*s
"Humeui  Expertn^en-^£,,,
Lecture: •
"Exojm    Pneptxn*tior\u
IRC #2 TUeSD/VS \^3o
Unofficial results for the Rec
Fac referendum are in. Voting
took place from October 31 to
November 4 all over campus.
The final tally (unofficially,
again) was:
Yes to RecFac - 4597
(59.4% of votes)
No to RecFac - 3084 (39.8%)
Spoiled ballots -  63 (0.8%)
Total Votes   - 7744 (about
30% of 26,000 students)
Positions are still open for.
Departmental Reps (3rd and 4th
Year only)
Science Week Coordinator
Sports Council Positions
Academics Council Positions
432 Council Positions
Contact Scarfe 9 for details.
These results approve a $30 levy on
the AMS student fee for full-time students in order to pay for approximately
25% of the cost of a new student recreation centre to be constructed around
Mclnnes FieM, east of SUB. Planning
for the facility will now go into full force,
and student input is welcomeand critical
to the success of the project
The Deadlines for The 432 are:
Nov. 16; Dec. 28; Jan. 11; Feb 1,15;
Mar. 1,15
4pm to Scarfe 9
The 432 is published biweekly by the Science
Undergraduate Society of die University of British Columbia, located in room 9 of the Scarfe
Education Building, 2125 Main Mall, Vancouver,
B.C., Canada V6T 1W5. Phone (604) 228-4235.
© 1988 SUS Publications.
Volume 2, Number 5, published Wednesday,
November 9,1988.
Editor: Derek K. Mfller
Contributors: Russ Monger, Lorraine Lewis,
Jessica Dixon, Allan Sharp, Julie Memory,
Derek Miller, David Way, Ari Giligson
Artist: Ken Oner
Photographic: Eric Walker, Derek Miller
Typing: Derek Miller, Lorraine Lewis,
Catherine Rankel
Layout: Derek Miller
Distribution: Danny Lai
Moral Support: Alistair Calder
Printed by College Printers Ltd.
Meetings are held every Thursday at 12:30,
usually in Scarfe room 1004 or 1006. Check
Scarfe 9 for confirmation. Layout and typing
takes place from each deadline Wednesday
mail the next Sunday. Come by the office if
you want to help. We always need people.
Always. Trust me.
November 9,1988 ?/>'em&}&m-&J>M~0<;i7*
£-%m£ 0&&^M?&8i£&g^i&*i=&-i--
LIP SYNC '88 - November 10,7pm, SLB Ballroom
Dik Miller, Campus Cowboy
I was sitting, as usual!, at my desk in the
UBC Traffic and Security HQ on
Wesbrook Mall, looking out across the
street and hoping thai: someone would
try to play frisbee on the Varsity fields so
that I could bust them and break the
monotonty of my day. No such luck. I
went back to reading the latest issue of
"Action Pursuit Games" magazine and
propped my feet up om the desk. Unfortunately, since I was sitting on a chair
with castors, my feet promptly pushed
me away from the desk and I fell over
backwards onto the floor. I heard a slight
snicker from one of my co-workers.
'1 meant to do that," I said, getting up
and dusting off. I rolled the chair back
intopositionaad picked up the magazine
again. The phone rang.
"Dik Miller, Campus Cowboy," I
said, remembering to pick the phone up
before I did so.
"Oh sorry, wrong number." Click.
This was obviously not going to be an
exciting day. The phone rang again.
"Dik Miller, Campus Cowboy," I said
in my best I'm-very-busy-now-but-I-
"I'm very sorry. I must have the wrong
number again." Click.
I fumed for a moment and then resumed reading. The next time it rang, I
assured myself, I would give that wrong
number person a piece of my mind. It
"What the hell do you want?" I snarled
into the phone.
"This is President Strangway speaking," came the voice from the other end.
I shuddered. 'To whom," he asked angrily, "am I speaking?"
I gulped. "Dik Millar, Campus Cow -
er, Traffic and Security, sir."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I have the wrong
number." Click.
This was not my dajr. Before I could
dig into the article on pellet gun maintenance, the phone rang yet another time.
By this time my co-workers were verging on gutting themselves laughing. I
glared at them evilly, but that only sent
them into more violent hysterics.
"Dik Miller, Campus Cowboy," I
murmured between clenched teeth.
"I must have the wrong number,
"Now hold on just a second!" I exploded. "Don't you dare hang up! Who
are you trying to call?"
"I was trying to call Traffic and Security."
"This is Traf 5c and Security, you dolt
You know, Traffic and Security, Campus Cowboys, Campus Quasis, all the
same thing, you see."
"Oh. I just wanted to let you know that
there's someone down here in SUB
standing behind a Rec Fac polling station telling people to vote no. There's
also another guy standing around here
telling people to vote yes. Are they allowed to do that?"
"So, do something about it!"
"Well okay."
So I ran out the door, scrambled into
my royal blue Chevy Bel-Air, and barreled off towards SUB. Crunching to a
halt in the plaza, I bounded up the stairs
and slammed the front doors opea
"Okay, where are they?" I was considering brandishing a weapon. But of
course I don't have one.
"Who?" asked a passing student.
"The guys who were telling people to
vote no and yes: for the Rec Fac referendum."
"Oh them. They left."
Needless to say, I was a little annoyed.
I ran back out to my royal blue Chevy
Bel-Air, rumbled back to the Traffic and
Security, and crashed through the front
door. I sat down, pulled out the issue of
"Action Pursuit Games" magazine, and
sat down again to read. This time, nothing was going to interrupt.
The phone rang.
I ignored it.
It rang again.
I kept on ignoring it
Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I
grabbed the handset
"We are sorry. The number you have
dialled is not in service. Please check the
number and dial again or call your
operator to help you. This is a recording
I hung up.
by Lorraine Lewis
Did you see the garbage recycling
display in SUB on November 2nd?
Probably not - while I was there they
were forced to move their tables to the
side - right across from the car lottery
ticket salespeople. SUB felt the display
wasn't big enough or important enough
to be in the main aisle. They had a video
too - but mediat services charges $35 to
rent a machine no matter what the purpose of your display is, or which student
organization you represent. Can our
wonderful AMS provide even one video
machine for our use? Anyway, I feel
better now that I've griped. Here are
some of the interesting facts you may
have missed:
You can now buy recycled paper on
campus. A new company opened in
Ontario, called The Paper Source
(Fallbrook, Ontario, KOG 1A0, (613)
267-7191). You can order anything from
computer white bond paper to "felt" and
"satin" envelopes with matching paper
in a range of colours. Recycled paper is
better than virgin paper it is more
opaque (less ink shows through), softer,
flexible, and easier to print on. It also
stands up better to changes in temperature and humidity. Every ton of recycled
paper saves 17 trees, requires 50% less
energy, causes 35% less water pollution,
75% less air pollution, and uses 60% less
water than manufacturing of virgin paper.
I also found out that on November 17
a representative from Safeway is going
to give a talk on their new ECOLYTE
bags. These "plastic" bags are photode-
gradable (ie. rot when exposed to light).
Check out Geography 229 at 12:30pm if
you're curious (or if you want to ask for
Another important part of the display
was on curbside recycling in Delta. This
is a very successuful pilot project organized by the Delta Recycling Society, a
small group of concerned citizens. It
could be used by the Greater Vancouver
Regional District to provide much-
needed recycling service to the growing
demands of the community for garbage
disposal alternatives. The UBC Environmental Interest Group has photocopied letters you can fill out and senf to
your local politician to show your support and demand this kind of service.
Newspaper recycling is also available
on campus. The bin is in the parking lot
of the Lutheran Church. The EIG is
trying to get more bins put up around
campus. Anyone out there want to build
a paper recycling plant?
AMS Briefs!
by Ari Giligson, AMS Rep
Now, as I was saying before I was so
rudely interrruped by a hard disk crash:
The AMS is the governing body of
most student organized activities, clubs,
and service organization on campus as
well as of the SUB. The constituencies,
eg. the Science Undergrad Society
(SUS), comprise the voting council of
the AMS. SUS has 3 votes on council,
due to our size. Being the Science AMS
rep, one of those; votes is mine. Thus this
is my biweekly report of the Wednesday
Puzzle Answers
(puzzle in Vol. 2 No. 4)
Sorry folks, but there was a minor typo
in last week's formula puzzle that had
major consequences on the puzzle.
Line e read:
e = solve for e (as a variable)
It should have read:
e = solve for e (as a variable):
eA2 - lOe + 25 = 0
Had the clue been printed properly, the
answer to the puzzle would have been
432. As it was, it depended on how
you interpreted the clue. If you used e
as e (the base of natural logarithms)
your answer would be different than if
you used 1 or 0 or something else.
Sorry about that
Anyway, the rest of the answers were:
b = 2
c = 3
d = 4
e = 5
g = 9
j = 21
k = 23
1 = 30
m = 32
n = 52
0 = 64
p = 65
q = 82
r = 336
s = 360
u = 451
w= 14,464
(assuming you
have 4 wheels)
Overall answer =
Dumb Questions
by Russ Monger
1. How many gallons does a ten-
gallon hat hold?
2. What are camel's hair brushes
made of?
3. When does Germany's Oktoberfest
usually begin?
4. Where did Chinese Checkers
5. What animal are the Canary Islands
named after?
6. What kind of food is headcheese?
7. What are lead pencils made of?
8. From what animal do catgut tennis
racket strings come?
9. Who invented Venetian blinds?
10. In what country were Panama hats
first made?
11. How many years did the Hundred
Years War last?
12. Where was the Woodstock Festival
13. What kind of instrument is the
English horn and where was it
14. Who is buried in Grant's Tomb?
(Answers on page 7)
This newspaper was produced on an Apple
Macintosh SE computer (codenamed "Lucifer*) using Aldus Pagemaker desktop publishing software and Microsoft Word word
processing software, it was printed in ink.
night meeting.
Contributions to various charities
were voted down as itseemed against the
AMS mandate to distribute student
monies in this manner.
Gays and Lesbians of UBC made their
annual report and no embarrasing questions were asked.
$400 in Travel Grants were approved
for both Commerce(CUS) and Family
and Nutritional Sciences (FNSUS)
All items pertaining to the RecFac
refferendum were postponed untill next
I was appointed to the Student Affairs
Commitee. Wow!
The Geers (EUS) asked to have their
subscription to the Ubyssey canceled
and have the balance refunded.
Questions, comments, complaints etc.
that may be related to any AMS matter
should be addressed to me- leave a note
in the office or at AMS mailbox #148.
Physsoc Journal
PHYSSOC (The Physics Society of
UBC) is now seeking submissions to its
annual physics journal. Papers shouldbe
typed, double spaced with all formulae
and variables clearly defined. In the past
topics have included biophysics, atmos--
pheric physics, astronomy, quantum
mechanics, and special relativity. Your
submissions are greatly appreciated and
will contribute to what we hope will be
thebestPHYSSOC Journal ever. If you
have any questions or enquiries leave a
note in the journal editor's mailbox at
the Physics Society (Hennings 307) or
phone Aaron Drake or Tobin Tanaka at
The 432
November 9,1988 LIP SYNC '88 - November 10,7pm, SUB Ballroom
(Sorry, no minors)
Tickets available at Scarfe 9 (SUS) and AMS Bo*
The 432
November 9,1988 LIP SYNC '88 - November 10,7pm, SUB Ballroom
Wiih G<te$ts
Office for a measly $5.
Are You Listening?
by Russ Monger
Most people would agree that the ability to express ideas clearly is an important part of communication, but how
many people realize that the ability to
listen is also important? At one time or
another we are all guilty of not listening.
There are many types of nonlistening.
Listed below is am attempt at classifying
some of the different types. How many
of them are familiar to you?
Pseudo-listener: this person pretends
he is listeing by nodding his head and
smiling at the right times. Behind this
facade, he is often ignoring you and
daydreaming or is bored with what you
are saying and is tuning you out.
Stage hog: this person is not interested
in what you have to say. He is only
allowing you to talk while he catches his
breath. Stage hogs love to dominate the
conversation and often use your remarks
as a basis for their own rhetoric and are
busy formulating their next statement
instead of listening to you.
Selective listener: this person only listens to what he wants to hear. Unless you
choose to talk about subjects of interest
to him, you might as well talk to yourself.
Insulated listener: this person is the
opposite of the selective listener. He will
avoid topics thathe would rather not deal
with and continually change the subject
during the conversation to avoid topics
that he does not wish to deal with.
Defensive listener: this person misinterprets things that you intend as innocent comments as personal attacks and is
unnecessarily sensitive to certain topics.
He may perceive any question you ask as
being snooping or prying.
Ambusher: this person listens carefully
to you only because he is collecting
information to use against you later in
the conversation. It could prove unwise
to make offhand statements in the presence of such a person.
An experiment conducted by Paul
Cameron at Wayne State University in
Detroit revealed tiiat at any given time,
for example, 20% of college students in
lecture halls are pursuing erotic
thoughts. Another 20% are reminiscing
and only 20% are actually paying attention to the lacturer. These results were
based on an experiment in which a starting gun was fifed at random times during
introductory psychology lectures. Students were then asked to submit their
thoughts and moods at the moment the
gun was fired.
It is a sad fact Of life that most people
listen only a small percentage of the time
and it is discouraging to realize that not
only don't they hear what other people
are saying but that the reverse is also true
- other people are not listening to them
either. It is impossible to listen all of the
time and there are several legitimate
reasons why people do not listen:
Message overload: most people spend a
great deal of their time listening to verbal
messages from a variety of sources,
including friends and family as well as
television and radio. It is impractical to
focus one's attention on so much talk
and as a result a person's attention tends
to wander at times.
Preoccupation: often a person will not
listen carefully because he is preoccupied with matters of personal concern. It
is difficult to pay attention to what another is saying when one's mind is occupied with other thoughts of more personal importance.
Rapid thought: a person is capable of
understanding speech at rates up to 600
words per minute. The average person
speaks less than 150 words per minute.
When someone is talking the temptation
is to use this "spare time" to think about
personal interests or plan a rebuttal.
Effort: listening is hard work. Studies
have shown that heart rate quickens,
respiration increases, and body temperature rises when we listen. These changes
are similar to the body's reaction to
physical effort. Obviously, listening is a
demanding task and taxes our energies -
witness your low energy level after a
particularly long or demanding lecture.
External noise: outside noise such as
traffic or music distracts our attention
and makes listening difficult.
Hearing problems: sometimes a person
is not a good listeneer simply because he
has a physical disability. When hearing
impairment goes undetected it can be
frustrating for both the speaker and the
Faulty assumptions: when a subject is
a familiar one, it is easy to think that you
know what the speaker is going to say
next and it is then easy to stop listening.
More times than not, quite theopposite is
true and the speaker is actually offering
new information which is being ignored.
It is not always desirable to listen to
everything that is said to us. It is important to exercise some selectivity in one's
listening. Obviously there is a great deal
of useless information being offered to
us in television commercials, uninteresting monologues from boringpeople, and
the like. At times selective listening is a
reasonable tactic. Conversely we all
have two ears and one mouth; perhaps
Mother Nature is trying to tell us something. Maybe listening is twice as important as speaking. Personally, I know
there have been numerous times when I
have been talking when I should have
been listening.
This space intentionally left blank.
The 432
November 9,1988 LIP SYNC '88 - November 10,7pm, SUB Ballroom
Bubble Trouble
by Lorraine Lewis
CFC's, chlorofluorocarbons, are used
as bubble blowing agents to expand
plastic foams. The foams are used for
hamburger and egg cartons, in furniture
and car upholstery, in refrigerator walls
as insulation, in air conditioning and for
packaging chips. CFC's are also used as
propellants in aerosols and they are the
chief cause of ozone layer depletion.
CFC-12 coolants in refrigerators and air
conditioners account for 28% of the
ozone layer depletion. Last year 370,000
tonnes of CFC's were produced in Europe. Approximately 50% were used as
propellants, 10% in refrigerants and
35% as blowing foam.
Why are they used? CFC's confer
valuable properties: they are chemically
stable and give high density and rigidity
to polyurethane and polystyrene insulation foams. In the fast food industry,
CFC's are more expensive than other
methods but give better "printability" to
the containers. (It is important for you
hamburger box to have a nice design on
Here at UBC we use Canada Cup
beverage cups. They are made out of
styrofoam beads expanded with pentane
gas (not CFC's!). It would be nice to see
all styrofoam packaging at UBC made
without CFC's. McDonald's received a
lot of publicity when they announced
they were switching from CFC-12 to
hydrocarbons in blowing their containers. These foams are inert in landfills and
release no methane (or CFC) gas.
With the other fast food packaging
foams CFC's are released into the atmosphere soon after the blowing process. This is due to the open cell structure
of these low density materials. However,
the high density polystyrenes and poly-
urethanes have CFC's trapped in the
bubbles and the CFC's can seep out
slowly - to be released 10 to 50 years
from now. Dampness and fire can cause
CFC release, or until the old fridge is
crushed at the garbage dump.
In addition to the degradation of the
ozone layer, an often-overlooked problem of styrofoams of all types is that they
occupy space. All foams can be incinerated to produce an inert ash, but if the
temperature isn't high enough dioxins
will be released. It is estimated that 50%
of America's land fill garbage is composed of styrofoam packaging. That's a
lot of litter!
Fortunately, at the Montreal Protocol
held this year it was decided that CFC
production would be cut in half by 1999
(participating countries only). Industry
is looking for replacements for CFC's:
now they have HCFC's (hydrochlo-
rofluorocarbons). These are only marginally better than CFC's; they do break
down more quickly, but still deplete the
ozone layer, albeit at a reduced rate.
HCFC's are also flammable and reactive, and HCFC-22, an alternative pursued by food manufacturers to blow
polystyrene, has been shown to be potentially toxic.
What can wedo? Don't use containers
that have foam. It's not only dangerous
to our atmosphere but it is a waste of
resources. The Environmental Interest
Group on campus is promoting a more
practical approach. In other universities
students bring their own coffee mug to
school and buy coffee for 5 cents less per
cup. TheEIG is trying to persuade coffee
vendors on campus to do the same. Get
your cup ready and help out by asking
when this service will be available.
Christmas isn'ttoo far off. Finals are gonna hit you before you
know it. So why not get some presents for family and friends
while you still have the time? Or get ideas for gifts to you?
Most of our clothing is either "Science UBC or has the
Science crest.
Sale prices in effect Nov. 14 - Dec. 24
Windbreakers $35
Sweat/study/goof-off pants      $18
Cardigans w/crest $35
Mugs 2 for $8
Varsity jackets $135 (must be ordered
We still have a few Entertainment '89 Books ($40) and
Saving Spree Books ($10 - perfect for students). Both have
over $100 in savings in Cineplex-Odeon tickets alone! Saving Spree only available until Nov. 11.
(You could even leave this ad around the house as a hint to
your parents.)
Letters, Fan Mail,
and Death Threats
Letters ore welcome on any subject,
relevant or irrelevant, scientific or non-
scientific, or just plain weird. Please
submit them to the submissions pocket in
Scarfe 9 with your name, major, and
year, by Wednesday, November 16, for
the next issue. And hey, remember, no
matter where you go, there you are.
Dear Mr. Editor,
I would like to protest to an excessive
use of a word spelt "the" which has
appeared in your newspaper. As this
word is a racial slur aimed at Peruvian
bat-watchers I find its flagrant use irresponsible and lacking in sensitivity and
I hope you will refrain from printing it in
future issues.
V.P. Tite
Faculty of Doing Experiments
Dear VJP.,
The problem you have expressed is
really quite a touchy one. We have had
several complaints about the use of the
word "the" and several other such racial slurs that are, by almost any standards, rather obscure. We choose to
ignore them, and the only reason we
printed your letter was to take up space.
Dear Mr. Editor,
You asked for letters, so here's one.
Too Busy Doing Cartoons
To Write Letters
Editor 432,
I am in Oceanography 308 with P.
LeBlond and would like to know why.
The slides in his presentations are consistently reversed or upside-down. Is
this his Sense of humour or is he just
Thinking of Withdrawing 4
Dear Jeff,
Probably he's just thinking too much
of sea monsters. - Ed.
Dear 432,
Why do fools fall in love?
Biology 1
Dear Hrondt,
Fools, that is, all persons with an IQ
lower than 157, lack the observational
capacity to recognize pheromonal attraction for what it is, and believe themselves to be "in love." Incidentally, the
answer to that oft-asked question "does
love make the world go 'round?" is no.
But is does make it go up and down a
little. - Ed.
OK, We messed up.
The BIOSOC Update in the last
issue of The 432 (Vol 2 No. 4)
was in fact written by Doug Shep-
pard, BIOSOC vice-president,
not Johan Stroman, club president, as was indicated. Doug
spent many hours of slaving and
tedium on it, so we should give
credit where it's due. Sorry,
We apologize for the article
containing material of questionable taste in the last issue. You
see, things haven't been going
well at home, the hard drive
crashed, and there are just too
many midterms, and my cat just
died, and my entire family has
contracted a rare disease, and,
well, I'm just really sorry. I think
I'll go sulk now.
We apologize for the last apology. Sorry. It won't happen again.
ffdDr Sdi@nn<£@'
Earn credits towards
any Science gear on
commission basis. It's
a great way to spend
between-class blocks
and earn yourself a
sweatpants, or even a
Science UBC leather
melton varsity jacket.
If interested, see
David in Scarfe
9,12:30-1:30 weekdays or call 228-4235.
HEyl am w■-*
November 9,1988 dir1!^H^5i^Sa^Sr'   i
i $&#?&&%$#$&*£$&
LIP SYISC '88 ■ November 10, 7pm, SUB Ballroom
Uncle Rusty
Last Saturday my wife volunteered
some of her time to a save the whales
function and planned to be gone for the
entire day and late into die evening. I
thought it would be a simple chore to
clean up the yard and rake the leaves
while she was gone. Boy, was I wrong.
After lunch I put on my favourite shorts
and an old T-shirt and went out into the
front yard and stalled to rake the leaves
that had fallen from the old chestnut tree.
I had just begun when I heard the phone
ringing. I dropped the phone and ran into
the house to answer it By the time I got
to the phone it had stopped ringing and
the line was dead, so I went back outdoors to finish the work.
In my haste I had misplaced the rake
somewhere in the layers of leaves. But
where was it? I found it soon enough
when I stepped on the fork end and
caught the handle end square in the face.
The force of the blow broke my eyeglasses and my right eye immediately
began to swell shut Without my glasses
I am nearly blind, so I decided that I
would try to repair them with Krazy
Glue. This idea failed, however, as the
top of the tube of glue was stuck to the
tube and I couldn't get it off. In frustration I tossed my glasses on the table,
slipped the tube of glue into my back
pocket, and called my optician. He told
me to rush right over; he could replace
my glasses the same day but he was
closing for the weekend in about an hour.
I thanked him and hung up the phone.
I would have to hurry. S ince I cannot
drive without my glasses, I was forced to
take die bus to the optician's, so I
grabbed a handful of change and rushed
to the bus stop. I stood and waited for the
bus for quite some time, and I was begin-
ning to worry that I wouldn't arrive at the
optician's in time. When die bus finally
arrived, I boarded and took a seat in the
rear. As the bus finally approached my
stop I pulled the buzzer and tried to stand
up. I couldn't move. The tube of Krazy
Glue in my back pocket had busted open
when I sat on it and my shorts were now
solidly attached to the bus seat. I
couldn't get them free. I apologized to
the driver for pulling the buzzer by mistake and began to panic. What should I
At the end of the line«uie bus driver
came to the rear of the bus aind looked at
me suspiciously and told me I would
have to pay another fare if I wasn't
getting off. In an attempt to buy more
time to think of a solution to my dilemma, I gave him another fare. By now
the optician was surely closed for the
weekend. I rode the bus for what seemed
like hours until finally I was out of
money. Soon I would have to get off the
bus at the end of the tine. Lucky for me
it began to get dark. Near die end of the
line the bus driver stopped, opened the
door, and ran into a convenience store.
There was nobody else on the bus. Now
was my chance. I slipped! out of my
shorts and left by the rear doors of the
Looking around, I calculated that I
was downtown somewhere. I snuck
down some quiet side streets and back
alleys and scrounged around (without
success) for some old clothes or rags I
could wear until I got home. During my
search, I neared a movie house mat was
just letting out and suddenly here were
people on the sidewalk and they were
walking towards ime. I darted into a
doorway. The door swung open and I
stumbled inside. There I stood, naked
but for my ragged T-shirt I was in a
small tattoo parlour and the artist was
babbling excitedly at me. Apparently
there was a contest and I was his one
thousandth customer and had won a free
tattoo. Thinking quickly, I hastily indicated mat I would like a tattoo on my
bottom (thus cleverly explaining my
lack of pants) and pointed at a diagram
on the wall of what I thought was an
inoffensive-looking small red rose.
(Alas! With one eye swollen shut and no
glasses, I was to discover later that I had
not chosen a red rose at all but a caricature of a grinning pit bull.) The artist
pulled out his needles and set to work.
Don't ever let anybody try to convince
you a tattoo needle doesn't hurt - it
stings. The artist was quite sympathetic
to my pained expression and offered me
a couple of pulls from a bottle of over-
proof tequila he kept beneath the
counter. I gratefully accepted. I had a
pull. Then I had another. And another. I
felt fine.
When he was finished he showed me
to an old cot at the back of the shop and
told me to lie down for awhile until I was
well enough to walk. The evening was
getting late and when he left me alone I
figured it would be a good time to make
my escape. I exited by the back door and
hobbled down the alley for a couple of
blocks. My bottom hurt from all those
needles and it was difficult to walk so I
paused and sprawled beside a dumpster
to gather my strength. Whilelwas sitting
there I noticed a brown and black cat
foraging in the garbage. Feeling forlorn
andall alone in the world,Icould sympathize with this stray, so I picked it up and
had deceived me again. This wasn't a
cat; it was a raccoon - and it wasn't very
friendly. He bit and spat and clawed at
me and left large deep scratches up my
arm and down my naked backside. I was
so startled that I threw it to the ground,
jumped to my feet and ran screaming.
I ran until I was exhausted and
couldn't run any more, at which time I
was inside the entrance to a park, so I
curled up behind sane bushes to rest my
aching body and maybe have a short nap.
In an effort to make myself comfortable
I found an old magazine and rolled it up
for a pillow. I slept for awhile but was
soon awakened by at rude odour. When I
had rolled up the magazine, I had exposed a page featuring a scratch-and-
sniff cologne sample. As I slept, my head
had rubbed against the ad and activated
it What a stench it emitted; and now it
was all over me! I also noticed that my
breathing was laboured and my nose was
runny. I don'tknow if this was due to the
cheap perfumeor pollen from the bushes
I was sleeping in, but I felt miserable.
The streets were now dark and seemed
deserted so I continued on my journey.
When at last I arrived home it was early
in the morning and the sun was threatening to come up. All the lights were out at
my house and the doors were locked and
I did not have my keys with me, but an
upstairs window was open. The old
chestnut tree was on that side of the yard
and the top branches were large enough
and extended near enough to the house to
allow me access to the window. Here
was a way to let myself in without disturbing my sleeping wife. As I was
climbing the tree a police cruiser happened by and saw me. He turned on his
flashing lights and spoke to me through
his bullhorn. Hiding my nakedness behind the branches of the tree, I offered
my name to him and explained that this
was my house and I had locked myself
The commotion woke my wife and
she came to the window. When asked by
the officer she confirmed that I did live
there. This seemed to satisfy him and he
left At last I was in the familiar warm
surroundings of home and was anticipating a good night's sleep and was hoping
to forget the entire ordeal. Wrong again.
My wife was under the impression that
the police had escorted me home. Now
she is demadning an explanation as to
why I was brought home by the police at
4:00am, without my glasses and with a
swollen black eye, without my pants and
with a fresh tattoo on my butt, with a
hangover and smelling like tequila, with
deep scratches in my back and reeking of
cheap perfume, and with a runny nose
and sniffling like some kind of crazed
drug fiend. She also wants to know why
I didn't finish raking those leaves. Uncle
Rusty, my wife has not spoken to me for
three days now. What should I do?
You could always hire a student to
finish raking those leaves. They are
usually reliable and. do quality work at a
reasonable price.
Sincerely, UNCLE RUSTY
De*ar Out on a Limb,
Here's the ticket"
Get a dummy (any dummy will do,
even a frosh) and dress it in Engineer red.
Be sure to include American symbols,
such as the Yankee flag, abald eagle, and
other tacky paraphernalia on the
dummy. Sniff the dummy with PCB's,
furans and dioxins. Put the dummy near
the tree. The Jap sniper will think the
dummy is a Yank and try to kill it In the
process, he will expose himself to lethal
toxins and eventually collapse when he
requires medical attention. Problem
Seems reasonable to me.
Answers to Dumb
(questions on page 3)
1. A ten gallon hat holds less than one
gallon. The term "gallon"' is derived
from the Spanish world "galon"
which isabraid used to decorate hats.
2. Camel's hair brushes are made from
the tails of squirrels.
3. The Oktoberfest is a two-week celebration that begins in September.
4. Chinese checkers was invented in
5. The Canary Islands were named after
the Latin Insulas Canarias (Islands
of the Dogs).
6. Headcheese is made from the head
and feet of pigs.
7. Lead pencils are made from a mixture of graphite and clay.
8. Catgut comes from the intestines of
9. Venetian blinds were invented by the
10. Panama hats were originally made in
Ecuador but were distributed from
11. The Hundred Years War lasted 116
years (1337-1453).
12. The Woodstock Festival was held in
Bethel, New York.
13. The English Horn is not a horn at all
but an oboe and was first developed
by the Viennese.
14. Nobody is "buried" in Grant's tomb.
However, Ulysses S. Grant and his
wife Julia are bom entombed there.
As mentioned last week, the Engineers
have finally decided to replace their
pink-papered NEUSlettre with a more
respectable (?) red-inked newspaper
called The Red Menace. Our announcement of its imminent publication last
issue was just a little premature, but the
publication did appear nevertheless, and
it looked fairly impressive (at least in
comparison to the previous efforts). It's
beginning to look like publication of
constituency newspapers such as this
one and The 432 are not a passing fad
after all. Congratulations, you responsible people you.
On that note, only one issue of the Arts
Underground has appeared so far this
year, but we're hoping to see another
On a final publications vein, ARC Undergraduate Magazine is looking for
submissions of stories, poetry, and essays for publication in their 1988-89
issue. They should be handed in to the
ARC box in the English program office
in Buchanan Tower, room 397. Let's
prove to those Artsies that we Science
types can write too, dammit
Remember, the next issue of The 432
(Nov. 23) is the last before the new term.
Hey, we have exams too. So any relevant submissions for the Christmas season should be in by the deadline for that
issue (Nov. 16). The deadline for die
first issue of next term is during the
holidays, on December 28th, so be
The 432
November 9,1988 LIP SYNC '88 - November 10,7pm, SUB Ballroom
tARCE fan A
1 -DKffcm.
Nov. 7
Exam Howlers '88
o Excretion is what it probably was before it
became whatever it is.
o Heartbeat is controlled by a synthetic nerve.
o The Galapagos was once joined to Europe but
then floated off to sea.
o Sulphur dioxide would be controlled if the
workers scrubbed the chimneys periodically,
o Radioactivity is a form of energy, so the
covered plants use that energy to photosynthe-
o The stomach is a muscular bog which pounds
the food,
o Egestion is the removal of waste gases through
the skin,
o Water may not enter the plant cells due to
finding an easie root,
o At low light the plant gives off carbon dioxide,
it is tricked into thinking it is daylight, and
begins respiring.
This coupon entitles you to
$200 Off
any gas purchase of 25 litres or more at|
The 432
(limit one coupon per customer)
Upcoming Seminars
4:00pm Hennings 201
Nov. 10 G. West (Los Alamos)
"Dark Matter and the solar neutrino problem: can
particle physics provide a single solution?" (3pm)
Nov. 17 R. Sobie (UBC)
"SLD/SLC-particle physics experiments at SLAC"
Nov. 24 Frans Klinkhamer (Lawrence Livermore)
"On string theory at high temperatures"
Dec. 1 R. Savit (Michigan)
"Iterative processes"
Dec. 8 P. Young (UCSC)
"Antiferromagnetism and binding of holes in two dimensional systems"
4:45pm BIOL 2449
Nov. 21 Howard Wheal (Southampton)
"Comparisons of synaptic function in crustaceans
and rodents"
Dec. 5 Robert Josephson (UC Irvine)
"Are insect flight muscles remarkable as muscles?"
Restitutional Data Modification
4:32pm Scarfe 1014
Nov. 13 Ecneics Dargrednun (Langara)
"Comparative studies of systematic iterative curve
November 9,1988


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