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The 432 Dec 2, 1987

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Array INTERVIEW WITH SIR DAVID ATTENBOROUGH
by Kyle R. Kirkwood
Finishing a four week whirlwind tour of
Canada to promote his new book, "First
Eden", Sir David Attenborough just has time
to sign a few copies of his new book at the
Vancouver Public Library. Over a hundred
people are jammed into a small corner of the
library where Attenborough is speaking and
answering questions on his new book and
television series, First Eden: The Mediterranean World and Man.
Tired and a bit disheveled in his corduroy
jacket, he straightens his tie (embroidered
with tiny hedgehogs), climbs into the waiting
car, sits down beside me and we begin.
In the
beginning...
page 5
UBC Archives Serial
WEDNESDAY
December 2,1987     Issue # 7
432: Why did your choose the name
First Eden?
Attenborough: If you read the Bible,
you'll see that Genesis says that Eden is
the place where Man first tamed
animals and grew crops. And if you
were to ask an archaeologist where that
first happened, he would say, the
eastern Mediterranean.
432: Is there a message in the series or
the book?
Attenborough: I'm not primarily
concerned with sending messagjes, but I
"Man has more power of
destruction than any other
time in history...it seems
nonsensical to me."
am very interested, since I am a European, in our nation's and civilization's
history. Since I am primarily interested
in natural history, it follows that the
natural history of the Mediterranean
can only be understood in a historical
sense. I don't think much has been
written about this with such a particular focus. It boils down to that the earth
is not infinitely large and if it's treated
without due care, we are in for a
disaster; disasters have happened in the
Mediterranean several times.
432: Have your films succeeded in
educating the public in the way you
hope as a naturalist and a scientist?
Attenborough: I hope they have of
course, but I am fundamentally - first
and foremost - a television film maker.
That's my job. If someone asked me
what I did for a living I would say I am
a broadcaster, so I'm interested in the
whole process of television and making
television programmes about many
different subjects. It just so happens
this one (ecology and the environment)
has been the dominant.
432: Do you ever fear that you may
oversimplify an issue?
Attenborough: Well, of course there is
a danger but one only hopes one
doesn't. On the other hand, the complexity of an issue is best treated in
books, rather than on films. Television
films do very well if they can illuminate
a single proposition to such a degree
that watchers remember it two weeks
later. I think the function of television
programmes are actually to spark an
interest in an issue so that people will
follow it up and learn more about it.
432: How did you get started as a
television film maker?
NV,
Attenborough: At first I was in natural
history but then I took a degree in
Zoology. I couldn't see a way of
following my desire academically in
the 1940's so I abandoned it to become
a television producer. After acquiring
the necessary skills to be a television
producer, I was able to return to my
original interest.
432: Have you always done films
about nature?
Attenborough: I did a variety of topics:
ballet, short stories, knitting, cooking,
religion, politics, etc.
432: In the early sixties, you did a
series called "Zoo Quest" and wrote a
number of books under the series
title, have your views changed much
since?
Attenborough: Oh yes. The whole
business of putting animals in zoos has
changed its character. There is no need
to catch animals the way we use to
twenty-five years ago. Now they
would be bred in zoos. Similarly, our
understanding of ecological issues have
become more profound as we recognize the importance of ecosystems.
432: Have groups such as Greenpeace
been detrimental in saving ecosystems
or are they a hindrance because of
their tactics?
Attenborough: They can only bring
about awareness of ecological policies if
they get wide support from the population and this involves publicity.
432: How do you feel about people
who say that it is our God given right
to use nature as we see fit?
Attenborough: Man has more power of
destruction than any other time in
history and if the natural world is
forced to evolve to match a nitrogen
bomb, it seems nonsensical to me.
David Attenborough's next p >roject
is a twelve part series on animal
behavior. Currently, he is in the midst
of filming a four-part series on Paleontology. He recently filmed in Bavaria,
Photo by Kyle R. Kirkwood
Germany at the fossil site of the bird-
dinosaur, Archaeopteryx. The series
will bring Attenborough back to B.C. in
the spring or summer when he will be
filming at the Burgess Shale, world
renowned for its fossil invertebrates.
The car pulls to the curb and he
climbs from the car, heading for the
next interview. He turns and smiles,
extends his hand and we part.
Science
Week
January
24-30/88 Page 2
The 432
December 2,1987
Photos by Kyle R. Kirkwood
Science, creativity...
Ne'er do they meet
in University study
by David Suzuki
In a week's time, newspapers
document a long list of major social and
environmental issues facing us - acid
rain, toxic chemicals in ground water,
holes in the ozone layer, Star Wars,
genetic engineering, computers, etc.
These problems reflect the fact that
ideas and inventions from science and
technology are the major factors
shaping our lives and society today.
We can't go anywhere on the planet
without using the products or encountering the debris of science and technology. And this will only increase in the
coming years. Educators have the
daunting task of preparing our young
people for an uncertain future.
The heart of any university curriculum is arts and science, the two great
streams of human thought and creativity. In most universities, these two
broad areas have been separated -
today most university students receive
either Bachelor of Arts or Bachelor of
Science degrees.
The ideal of a broad education for
students went down the drawn the
drain with the explosion of academic
activity and disciplines in the 1960s.
Universities should be places where
students can explore the enormous
breadth of human intellectual activity
and learn to use their minds through
discipline and rigorous thinking. But
in today's universities in which "relevance" and preparation for jobs have
become priorities, knowledge is
delivered in fragmented bits and pieces
determined more by the professors'
expertise than any pedagogical plan.
Much of the material in courses is
geared for the few students who will
continue on and specialize in the
discipline being taught.
Today, the critical issues that face
us as a society and as a species are not,
as the media often suggest, whether
political leaders will hold their jobs or
the stock markets remain bullish. The
dominant challenges on this planet
now come from the inventive minds of
scientists when applied by industry,
medicine and the military. Massive
problems of nuclear arms, deforestation, desertification, global pollution,
overpopulation, and species extinction
WW)
■ _^%<>l *r
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ifli
stem, in part, from the consequences of
our shortsighted use of science and
technology. Attempts at resolving
these problems can come only from
people who understand these activities
in a profound way.
In an article in Science entitled Are
Our Universities Rotten at the Core?
Harvard chemistry Professor F.H.
Westheimer decries the near absence of
science among the courses required of
university arts students. The "core" in
the headline refers to the core curriculum, the central group of courses
considered essential and therefore
required for the education of all degree-
seeking students. I agree wholeheartedly with Prof. Westheimer, but with
an addition - the absence of humanities
courses among the core subjects require
for all science students is just as regrettable.
Most politicians at all levels of
government today come from two
professions, business and law. It is a
fact that people in these areas have
virtually no understanding of even the
most elementary concepts and terms of
science. The same is true of the vast
majority of people throughout the
media. So it's not surprising that
science has never occupied the space it
deserves in the media or that politicians
have never dealt with science and
technology in more than superficial
and politically convenient way.
Our leaders thrash about trying to
patch together a science policy while
dealing with the environmental and
social costs of science and technology in
a scatter-gun way. This will be
changed only which science is as much
a part of education as are the Three Rs.
No university graduates who are
scientifically illiterate can consider
themselves educated - they are ignorant of the most important activity that
will impinge on them for the rest of
their lives.
But, as I said, it cuts the other way
as well. The rapid increase in the
number of scientists and their publications has lead to greater specialization
and a proliferation of disciplines. A
budding scientist has to work his way
though more and more information
and subjects before arriving at the
cutting edge of research. Consequently, universities are tossing out a
lot of courses that are now considered
excess baggage so that students take
little more outside science than a token
course in freshman English.
Most B.Sc. recipients leave university without ever having had a single
course in the history of science, philosophy, religion or literature. Many of
them will go on to become doctors,
engineers, scientists, technicians -
people who will apply and expand the
most powerful ideas and technology
ever invented. Yet they will do so
without any sense of the historical
precedents for potential misuse or
deleterious effects of their science.
They will know nothing of the
social context within which science is
supported and applied, the responsibilities that accompany science-hood
and receipt of public grants, or the
limits and boundaries of their disciplines. They are like Neanderthal
people who are suddenly give guns, jet
planes and nuclear bombs.
In universities like Harvard where
there has been a long tradition of liberal
arts, faculty members such as Prof.
Westheimer are agonizing over the
need to reinstate or overhaul the
concept of a core curriculum.
University of Chicago philosophy
Professor Allan Bloom's book, The
Closing of the American Mind, a
devastating critique of education in the
United States, has rocketed to the top of
the best-seller list. That suggests that
Americans are aware of and concerned
about the drift in focus in U.S. universities. There has hardly been a murmur
in Canada.
Globe and Mail—November 14,1987
'Genesis or Genocide'
by Kyle R. Kirkwood
"When I finish a book saying we
must save the planet and the publisher
says, splendid, they are going to print
X-thousands of copies, I sometimes
wonder how many trees, I as an author,
have insisted on cutting down,"
confessed Sir David Attenborough,
noted filmmaker and author.
Speaking at the Vancouver Public
Library, as part of the library's centenary celebrations, it was his last stop on
a four week cross Canada tour promoting his new book and television documentary series, First Eden: The Mediterranean World and Man.
Attenborough (not to be confused
with his brother Sir Richard, who
directed Ghandi and Cry Freedom) has
strong opinions on just what mankind
is dong to his world. First Eden takes
an indepth look at the world as a
microcosm with the Mediterranean
representing the world. The BBC
producer has, in his other highly
successful series, Life on Earth and The
Living Planet, viewed the world as an
orbiting observer, glancing at the
macrocosm that makes up the whole.
First Eden brings crisis and calamity right to our doorsteps. Every
disaster, every change or modification
to the Mediterranean's ecosystem
becomes personal. Something which
the reader can relate to and is very
difficult to shrug off.
"People should recognize that the
environment requires respect," Attenborough continues. "I think that in the
21st century a sociologist writing about
the last quarter of the 20th century will
perceive a major shift in public policies
and moralities."
Since he began making films 35
years ago, he has felt the shift already.
"People actually believe in their souls
and hearts that it's immoral and
improper to treat animals in such a
profligate and cruel way," said Attenborough, referring to the butchering of
whales.
Thirty-five years ago, had he said
this, people would have thought him
"touched". Today he sees "a major
shift in public perceptions and it is seen
most vividly in young people. So I'm
an optimist." He shrugs.
But we still have a long way to go.
"The most important point that people
have to agree on to save the environment in the long term, is birth control."
Almost every other species controls its
population growth, not by boom and
bust cycles dependent on food resources, but by some means we don't
yet understand. Yet most species
maintain relatively stable populations,
except man whose numbers have been
driven ever forward.
The world is not infinitely large, so
we are left with two choices to control
population: suffer an eco-disaster like
Eithiopia and starve on a world-wide
scale, or we can stifle our greed for
resources and use birth control. December 2,1987
The 432
Page 3
Science Made Stupid
by Ctaudio De Los Rios - 2nd Vice
In response to the article appearing in
the previous issue of The 432, the author neglected to include some other prehistoric
animals.
A predecessors of today's wildlife was
the ferocious puppisaurus (Fidorimus bowwow). Noted for his incessant pursual of
the saber-toothed bone, it was often found
burying his prey in small little mounds
throughout his domain. The puppisaurus
could often be inticed to locate such
significant landmarks as the ancient fire-hydrant as well as the saber-toothed postman.
Another species, the armored mammoth (Tortisorus mastodontia) was often
found around watering holes. Surprisingly
enough the natural predator of this gentle
creature was the ferocious skunkosaur
(Holy stinkus). This animal stalked the
mighty armored mammoth by creeping up
behind the animal while it was feeding on
about-to-be fossilized arachnida (ie peanuts,
what did you expect?), leaping up on the
mammoth's back and injecting a chemical
substance.
I hope that this article has shed some
light on the true lives of some prehistoric
mammals. If any of you have encountered
some pictures of some other prehistoric
wildlife, please send them in to this paper
so that they may be verified for publication.
Please watch where you walk as the
rocks you step on may be the fossilized remains of a saber-something-or-othered engineer though it may be hard to tell since
I've been informed that they are extremely
small.
VI
Putting on
VI
by Derek K. Miller -Publications
We were expecting a pretty exciting event when we originally decided to put on Lip Sync '87, but we didn't know it
would be THIS good. It was Friday, the 13th of November. The
SUB Ballroom was packed. The music was great. Everyone had
a blast, or, at the very least, a buzz since the amber nectar
flowed freely.
The evening started out with stunning performances by
ten multi-talented air bands, with acts ranging from the
tripped-out, semi-dead convolutions of the Brain Tumors to the
slick choreography of the T-Birds, to the questionable humour
of our CFOX import host, Marianne Mackenzie. In the end, the
three survivors, Charlie and the Underwriters, Sheri Doin'
Dave, and Addictive prepared to collect their bounteous cash
prizes and went home happy. So, of course, did a lot of other
people, but not for the same reasons.
Next came the madness of "Wired", the Blues Brothers Revue, who kept the crowd hopping with renditions of Peter
Gunn, Night Train, and other classic tunes. People who still
hadn't recovered from U2 were blown away by the powerful
guitar, bass, horns, and drums of this first-class band.
The cleanup crew is finished. The floor is mopped. With
echoes of the bands silenced, thoughts turn to how we could
possibly better this event next year, wait and see....
by Don's Jacklin -Public Relations
LIP SYNC 87' was a great success. Four hundred and
eighty seven tickets were sold for this event and ten air bands
competed for $900.00 in prize money. In the end, $600.00 was
donated to the Vancouver Children's Hospital on behalf of the
Science Undergraduate Society and the Education Students
Association of UBC.
Participants in the Air Band Contest were as follows:
1st prize'$400.00
2nd prize $300.00
3rd prize $200.00
finalist
finalist
Charlie and the High Tops
Sheri Doin David Lee Roth
Addictive
Ozone Layer (Fat Boys)
T Birds
Speechless
Eros Futura
Dan Doin a Dave
Heart
Brain Tumor
Thanks to everyone who made this event a success and we
look forward to seeing you again next year!
On Sale
Beer Mugs
$K   #%#\ 130
9i ww only
On Sale
For Christmas
Regular $6.00
Science Sssies
T-Shirts
From $3.00 to $13.00
while Supplies Last
SCARFE RM 9
Science Sales: Office Hours
11:30 -1:20
12:30 - 3:20
12:30 -1:20
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
12:30 - 3:20
12:30 - 2:20
Or by Appointment
SCARFE RHI 9
Science
Sales
Christmas Price List
SCIENCE SALES. Price List (Efffective Nov 23, 87.)
Leather Melton Jackets $ 120.00
Melton Jackets $20.00
Wind Breakers $30.00
Sweat Pants $20.00
Einstein/Faculty T-shirts $ 13.00
Einstein/Faculty sweat shirts $ 19.00
Science Crest T-shirts $7.00
Science Sweaters (available Jan. 88)
Suds T-shirt $5.00
Science Holds the Power T-shirts $3.00
Rugby Shirts $19.00
Kangaroo Jackets $ 15.00
SUS Mugs $6.00
Name Badges (by order) $6.00
Numbers $2.50
Small Science Crests $2.50
Large Science Crests (on order)
for Science Sales office hours see above ad
The 432
December 2,1987
Vol. I, Issue #7
EDITOR
Vince Jiu
PRODUCTION
Leslie Chan
Jean Guay
WRITERS
Gwen Burton
Claudio-4, De los Rios
Doni Jacklin
Kyle Kirkwood
Christian Klaue
Rose Lai
Derek Miller
Peter McDougall
ILLUSTRATORS
Nicole Brand
Michael Dean
Ken Otter
TYPISTS
Eric Carlos
David New
Stella Wong
JoeWu
PHOTOGRAPHERS
Gwen Burton
Barry Shanko
Eric Walker
CONTRIBUTOR
Dr. David Suzuki
TYPESETTING
Alexandra Johnson
Peter Francis
DISTRIBUTION
HaiV. Le
Submissions and inquiries should be
sent to:
The 432 c/o Science Undergraduate
Society of UBC 2125 Main Mall
(Scarfe 9), Vancouver, B.C Canada
Tel: (604)228-4235
The 432 is published bi-weekly by
the Science Undergraduate Society
of UBC. The deadline for the next
issue is Thursday, December 31,
1987. The paper is distributed on
the following Wednesday. Departmental news, letters, creative works,
short essays and announcements are
welcome.
Subscriptions are encouraged.
Twelve issues: $12. Make money
orders or certified cheques payable
to 'SUS'.
Advertising: 1/2 page $140
1/4 page $75
1/8 page $40
1/16 page $20
For more information, sec Jean
Guay. December 2,1987
The 432
Page 5
i.N. STIEN by Ken Otter
Look at al! those engineers in their red
jackets. I tell ya, no sense of individuality
Many people think that
research is supernatural gift of
the gods.  It simply an idea from a
troubled mind, an inspiration
followed by infinitely painstaking
work and perspiration.
-Sir Frederick Banting
To comprehend a man's life,
it is necessary to. know not
merely what he does but also
what he purposely leaves undone.
There is a limit to the work that
can be got out of a human body or
a human brain, and he' is a wise
man who wastes no energy on
pursuits for which he is not
fitted; and he still wiser who,
from among the things that he can
do well, chooses and resolutely
follows the best.
-William £ Gladstone
The heights by great men
reached and kept were not
attained by sudden flight, but
they, while the ir com pan ions
slept, were toiling upward in the
night.
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Bury yourself in good books;
develop a thirst for printer's ink
and quench it by reading, for from
books flows the fountain of youth
found by few.
-Larry T. McGehee
Do not stop to think about
the reasons why you are
questioning. Curiosity has its
own reason for existence. One
cannot help but be in awe when he
contemplates the mysteries of
eternity, of life, of the marvelous
structure of reality. It is enough
if one tries merely to comprehend
a little of this mystery each day.
Never lose a holy curiosity
-Albert Einstein
I be you, do not be
unchangeable. Do not believe that,
you alone can be right. .The man
who thinks that, the man who
maintains that only he has the
power to reason correctly, the gift
to speak, the soul- a man like that,
when you know him, turns out
empty.
-Sophocles
Photo   by Eric Walker §
V,\SXXX>^\XXXXX\>.XXX\X*XXXXXX\XIOMVV^
Greatness is the ability to
hear new information, not with a
mind to disprove or disbelieve, but
to see how it might be true.
Whatever the idea - a new form of
animation or a new theory on
atomic physics - it's coming from
such a different perspective that it
is going to be unnerving to people
There are no great people, just
great commitment - the
willingness to act on the vision
and the courage to do it, even if it
seems totally strange.
-Marilyn Ferguson
In the beginning
God created^ man
and woman... -
by Peter MacDougall
These early men and women were divided into three tribes:
Scientists, Engineers, and Artsies (other smaller tribes like Aggies,
Nurses, Commies... tended to associate closely with the larger
three, though the smaller groups said they were strictly autonomous.)
These three tribes were separated mainly by their religious beliefs and practices.
The early scientists believed that the truest way in discovering
the nature of God and the Universe was through research and experiment. Their first two discoveries—beer and sex—certainly
indicated that they were on the right track; they were obvious
giveaways that God existed. They also thought that lab coats and
rubber gloves were extremely sexy, especially if that was all that
was worn.
The early engineers believed that the Universe was in reality,
a vast machine and that the nature of reality lay in the motor that
drove the machine. They also believed that the best way to reach
Nirvana at the center of the machine was to have lots of beer and
sex. In the meantime, they attempted to copy parts of the great
machine to see if they could make one of their own to control.
The artsies did not know what they believed, except that they
were entitled to believe whatever they wanted to, in spite of how
grossly wrong they might be. They tended to sit around and play
tunes, paint pictures, read and write dirty novels and talk about
sex and beer (of which they did not get enough.) Whatever they
did not fully understand they called art. One idea, however, that
they did agree on was that there had to be something more to the
Universe, and life itself, than beer and sex.
Needless to say, these early people were very much dependent on each other: the Artsies spurred the Scientists to continue researching. The Engineers used the scientific research to make
really neat machines, like turbo-charged, fuel-injected Porches,
neat buildings with saunas and hot tubs, and the Artsies were the
early form of entertainment. They also all had one thing in
common: the search for something greater in life, the search for
Nirvana.
A lot of life for them was centered around their two main religious practices, which they also shared in common, beer and sex.
At times, one or two of the tribes would not be getting enough of
either beer or sex or both and so Politics was invented to see that
everyone got enough. This coincided with the increase in strength
of the smaller tribes. This led to minority- majority rule which
meant that Politics had to get a lot more complicated since everyone wanted different amounts of the two of life's greatest pleasures, in different ways. It also turned out there was not enough
beer and sex to go around all at once, so there had to be rationing
as well.
As things grew more and more complicated, the popular
voice began to shout that the Scientists were wasting their time
looking for something greater than beer and sex (especially since
they had not managed to come up with anything as marketable
since; not even cellular telephones were as good) and that they
should spend their time in finding out to make more of the two.
As well, the Engineers should try and find ways of making sex
and beer more accessible, and the Artsies should stop imagining
that there was anything more to life and that they should write
more pornographic novels and how-to books on home brewing so
the populace could at least get vicarious satisfaction.
The three tribes were worried. United, the smaller tribes now
outnumbered them and Politics ruled their lives. They no longer
believed in the Engineers, Scientists, or Artsies. The three big
tribes gamely continues on, collecting in villages called universities where they could put all their knowledge together to solve the
big question, like "do all good things come in threes?" They
hoped that somewhere in the general populace a sensible voice
would cry out to remind everyone that it was the Scientists' and
Engineers' and Artsies' original quest for something more that led
them to discovering beer and sex. And, that with a little more
time and a little faith, maybe they would find and implement
"Heaven", and there would be beer and sex enough for everyone.
However the general populace had no faith in them and did
not care about anything more than beer and sex. The minorities
continued their religious practices but it was more hedonistic
indulgence than an effort to get anywhere. And, without all the
dreams of something better, it was not so much fun any more
either—"Not tonight dear, I have a hangover." Divorce rates went
up.
So, to this day the three tribes have continued on, losing
ground and time, waiting for someone in the new religion of
Politics to remember exactly where everything they valued had
come from. To remember what curiosity and knowledge had
wrought. To remember the quest for Nirvana. Page 6
The 432
December 2,1987
Unless you act
We all have dreams and there is no question that one of life's great tragedies is that so
few of us fulfill them* Often itfs because we are
so iockedinto our daily routine that we cannot
see our way dear. More fundamentally^ though,
it's a lack of nerve, an unwillingness to take the
necessary risks* But at some moment of your
life»no matter how successful you become -
there comes aglimmers an idea, a fresh conclusion, a dream* And it will haunt you for the rest
of your life unless you act on it
-Gilbert £, Kaplan
May the spirit of Christmas inspire you
to attain your dreams in the new year*
Until then, best wishes and happy holidays from The 432 and the Science Undergraduate Society. See you in 19881
Just Say "No"
by Derek K. Miller
Food is something of an obsession
with UBC students - almost as much as
beer is. Go on, look around. All those
people who are studying, talking or just
sitting around reading books, what else
are they doing? Eating!
The UBC cinnamon bun. Admit it,
you've had at least one. They are
extremely popular, but not because of
their taste or their nutritional value, but
their size. 75 cents gets you an absolutely
huge piece of pastry. Even if your
appetite is not curbed at all by the admittedly paltry sustenance these monstrosities contain, finishing one is at the very
least an accomplishment.
The cinnamon buns are available
almost everywhere. Since they are made
fresh each day, any given outlet will
almost inevitably run out. Thus, if you
were just thinking about getting a
cinnamon bun, you would be prompted
to buy one just in case none were left
when the real craving for one arose.
People, therefore, buy cinnamon buns
when they in fact do not want any.
Eating a cinnamon bun is also a cool
thing to do, more so than sipping on an
espresso or munching on a cookie from
Duke's. The image of a packsack-laden
student munching on a large, square
meal is a ubiquitous one, and one that
maintains itself as more and more
students rush to stay with the in crowd
of cinnamon bunners.
I suspect that cinnamon is addictive.
No studies have yet been forged to find
out if cinnamon undoubtably causes cancer, emphysema, leprosy, transvestism,
and moral disintegration. Food Services
is stifling any attempts to discover the
true side effects of cinnamon bun
consumption, and is trying to manifest a
slow conversion of the UBC student
population. From the looks of it, their
plot is working - just read the Ubyssey.
If one in every ten full-time UBC
students has a cinnamon bun each day,
350,000 are sold each year. (That's nearly
$200,000 a year in profit, by the way.)
The impact of this tremendous influx
must be tremendous, and must, of
course, be stopped. We can no longer
afford to be under the thumb of Food
Services or anyone else who tries to
pawn off these evil concoctions to the
helpless masses. We must organize!
This menace can be stopped before it
goes too far!
Contact the SUS office (Scarfe 9) if
you're interested in stopping this
horrible onslaught. And remember, if
someone offers you a cinnamon bun, just
say "no".
Across
1. Award the French too much. Why without leading? (6)
4. Currently tax an entrance (6)
9. Tearing apart a thankless person (7)
10. You are old males of a country (5)
11. Many also direct the cat to a flower (9)
13. The two beginnings transmitted when not there (6)
15. Improved black alien timed hesitantly (6)
17. Re: the front reversal (5,4)
21. Scold a Greek letter with a differential equation (5)
22. Perfume a diary contained in an ice-cream holder (7)
23. Boats could be a shy cat (6)
24. The guard directly coming in (6)
Down
1. The first greeting on the short street was just in the money (5)
2. Arrange that an instrument exists this way (8)
3. The man comes beore Maria to haul (5)
5. Japanese money in raw sugar and pepper (7)
6. An entertainment award from a letter I possess (4)
7. No rates to the Tipper House' member (7)
8. Start to grovel among (5)
12. Linear rigs that tangle (8)
13 Any surrounding curve without government (7)
14. One withour love has a break when closer than anything else (7)
16. A quiet scream of pain from the pocket (5)
18. A note led awry for the Spanish mark (5)
19. Directed to a high degree for all (5)
20. The princess' grade for a flat plate (4)
Grid Word Know-How
This article explains the how-to's of doing the GridWords that I create for math
NEWS. The frosh will never have seen a Grid Word before and the coops will likely never
have seen the GridWords in this form.
One thing that should catch your eye is the symmetry of the grid - notice that it is the
same grid upside-down (ie. just like the GridWord logo). You will also notice the two sets
of clues - one is for the cryptic puzzle and the other is for the conventional puzzle. Both
solutions fit into the same grid but the two solutions are different.
For the conventional puzzle the clues are the dictionary definition or related word
type that we are all familiar with. What more can I say?
The cryptic puzzle clues are a whole different ballgame. The clues themselves give
two definitions for the solution. This may sound easy (WOW two clues for each word!)
but the trick is separating the definitions. As well, one part does not give a meaning for
the word and is called the cryptic part. The mixture of cryptic clues and meanings in one
sentence may make the total clue sound silly or nonsensical. Hopefully it will make sense
when the clue is deciphered (a crooked mind may be necessary to do this).
The following describes different types of cryptic clues. Note that a clue may be one
or more of these types.
1) Anagrams - one or more words in the clue are jumbled to give the solution. Key words:
scrambled, mixed, to, so, around, about, sorted, scattered, confused, etc.
eg. 'A beat to slow down' = ABATE (from A BEAT)
2) Construction - assemble the answer from parts of the clues. Key words: lead, start,
follow, after, before, on, etc.
eg. It's intended that I lead the insect' = MEANT, from MEANT
3) Misleading clues - clues that seem to say one thing but are really indicating something
else.
eg. The golfer's are starting to come in here' = TENTH HOLE 'A sign of balance' =
LIBRA
4) Double clues - two meanings of the word are given.
eg. 'An article on French tea' = THE (the French word for tea)
5) Alterations - words should be split up or switched around. Key words: in, around,
split, cut, about, turn, back, up, etc.
eg. "Exist up to this age' = ERA which is ARE raised up.
6) Dropping letters - drop a letter from a word. Key words: headless, tailless, directionless, etc.
eg. 'the head of the host was lost to the wealthy bird' = OSTRICH,
ie. HOST lost h+RICH
7) Hidden - the answer is hidden in the letters of the clue. Key words: give, show,
contain, has, etc.
eg. The really rich give a word in music' = LYRIC, from realLY RICh.
8) Homonyms - the answer to one part of the clue sounds like the required answer. Key
words: anything related to hearing or sound.
eg. 1 hear the crew will be mean' = cruel, from crew'll.
9) Other instructions - look for other words that may indicate how to construct the
solution.
eg. 'Every other oblong marsh' = BOG from oBlOnG.
Below is a list of words that lead to different portions of the solutions:
direction: N,S,E,W; hesitate: ER; soft: P (pianissimo): loud, fail: F: year: A (annum); love: O (tennis); sailor: TAR; German soldier: SS; curve: ESS; many: D (Roman
500); ordinate: Y; current: AC: and many others.
Even after using these instructions, you will likely find that GridWords can be quite
discouraging. Reading through the clues may produce no results at first, however, going
back through, looking for key words, and fiddling things around in your head will give
you most answers. One or two solutions often start the ball rolling (as the saying goes).
Another suggestion is to keep your puzzle from one week and get a copy of the next
mathNEWS to compare solutions with clues looking for the connecitons. Remember
though, the key to successful GridWording is perseverance!
Submitted %JCa^ December 2,1987
The 432
Page 7
Lang ri-La
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF
AN EX UBC SCIENCE
STUDENT
by Karl Friedrich Hieronymus
von Muenchhausen
My Physics lab has come:
my long awaited Physics lab.
Before I go through, I must
stock up on my supplies.   I
make my way to the confectionary where I usually stock
up on my week's supply of
Strawberry Sours. Buying a
bagful, I retrace my steps to the
third floor. At last a class I can
enjoy and where I can learn
something. I enter the only
partially full, spacious lab and
sit down at my table. My lab
partner is there already. We
both get our books out and set
up our equipment.
Our instructor, a genius
Goliath, stalks up to the front
of the class. His authoritative
voice reverberates through the
entire room. His tongue lashes
out and goads us into action.
We spring up, galvanized.
Our open books, already
inscribed with tables, eagerly
await the flood of flyspecks
which instructors love so
much. We scramble over each
other in our haste to get the
pertinent data. Our modern
apparatus has an accuracy
unequaled that of other campuses, giving us data so very
accurate and precise. What
would we be doing without
this no-expense equipment?
Our plastic measuring devices
seem like extensions of our
hands as we frantically copy
down lengths, reflecting in the
meantime on the duality of
man.
Now comes the first
precision analysis of the lab.
Why we even have these, I
don't know, as the instruments
provide us with such low
errors to be negligible, but the
instructors seem to like them
and so I indulge them. What
are we doing the analysis on? I
forget, here, let me check. Ah
yes, here we are. Our lab is to
calculate the specific heat
constant of Al. How interesting!   Finishing this musing, I
finish my calculations. My
fingers seem to fly on the
calculator keys. The data leaps
from the screen to the appropriate table.
There, my last value is
obtained so I must compare
with the standard value.
Wow! Only 60% error. Ifs
been a while since I have had
such a low percentage error.
Sighing with relief I bid my
partner adieu. 1 carefully
staple the pages together and
gently deposit them on the
instructors desk. He still
hasn't left his spot in front of
the class. He stands there,
hands clasped behind his back,
rocking back and forth on the
balls of his feet. I perform an
obeisance before the instructor
as I leave the class. Physics
always refreshes and relaxes
me.
Munching on the Sours I
contemplate the vast driblets of
knowledge I have enshrined in
my memory. Gratified I leave
the campus, thankful that such
wonderful institution as this
exist. What would I do without this place? With the
parting thoughts I drive off,
leaving the campus for home.
Submissions are welcome from
faculty, staff and students.
Please send them to The 432,
c/o The Editor, Dean of Science's Office,
Faculty of Science; via campus mail, or
bring them down to Scarfe B. Submissions
should be typed or written legibly
Credit will be given unless stated otherwise.
TO ALL PHYSICS STUDENTS:
The Physics crests are in this week. Come in to the
Physics Society room (Hennings 307) and pick it up.
The PRE-MEDICAL SOCIETY wishes you luck on exams
and hopes you have a well deserved holiday. The t-
shirts, etc can be picked, up at the office (G-30-IRC) now.
Christmas dinner at Fogg 'n Suds on 4th Ave.
Friday, December 18 at 6:00 pm. Dancing afterwards for
the daring.
General Meeting
January 5,1988 12:30 - 1:20 IRC1
Lecture on: The History of Medicine
by Dr. Norris of UBC
See you in the New Year!
Minnie Ho
Prez
Antarctica Broken In Two
by Gwen Burton
Thaf s right, all you Southern Hemisphere freaks, it's
time to get out those pencils and redraw the maps!
That big continent down under has broken off a big
chunk, an area of 2400 square miles—if that was Canada,
you could say good-bye to Prince Edward Island! The
iceberg is 25 miles wide, 98 miles long, 750 feet thick, and
floating around in the Ross Sea, posing no threat to ship
ping at the moment. However, this is not the first time that
Antarctica has changed its shape by shedding icebergs. In
1956, the largest recorded iceberg broke off, having an area
of 12,000 square miles.
But have no fear, all you penguins heading south for
the Christmas break, Antarctica is still 99.9% there, and
despite its recent face-lift, it remains the largest ice mass in
the world.
GROUSE
MOUNTAIN
SKI CHALLENGE
THURSDAY, JANUARY21 8:30 — MIDNIGHT
DUAL GIANT SLALOM
REGISTER NOW
at Scarfe #9
(downstairs, across from Edibles)
ONLY 20 SPOTS LEFT
COST $35.00
for a full day of
skiing, lunch, dinner
and dance
Note: Science Students who
participate for Science
are eligible for a $20
rebate after the event.
Actual cost: $15.00
BANG/GNAB:
or the consequences of
resting for seven days, and
then, pulling an all nighter
by Kyle R. Kirkwood
9:00 am, October 23,4004 B.C.
BANG
- Oops.
9:01 am. October 23,4004 B.C.
-1 need a cigarette. Look at
this mess. Damn little amino
acids think they own the place,
there's green slime everywhere.
9:05 am, October 23,4004 B.C.
- Now I need an aspirin.
Pesky amino acids formed a
union. Think they can twist
me about their little double
helixes. Internal bickering has
already fusioned them apart
into their own separate little
kingdoms.
9:06 am, October 23,4004 B.C.
-Cover up! Maybe I can
blame this one on evolution?
9:07 am, October 23,4004 B.C.
- Trying Catastrophism.
Created some fossils, and
added a flood for good measure.
9:08 am, October 23,4004 B.C.
-1 am especially fond of the
dinosaurs, so I made a lot of
them; had to stop, though,
getting over crowed down
there. Those little furry shrew
things keep getting under foot,
have to get rid of them some
how, maybe mass extinctions?
9:09 am, October 23,4004 B.C.
- Doesn't look good, I'll have to
do something about those
Pleistocene mermaids, this
time I won't miss.
9:10 am, October 23,4004 B.C.
- Giving Uniformitarianism a
shot.
9:11 am, October 23,4004 B.C.
- Looks good, now we're
getting somewhere.
10:00 am, October 23,4004 B.C.
- One local order primates is
going to be a problem. Maybe
if I ignore them they'll go
away.
6:08 am, October 1,1963 A.D.
- They didn't go away.
8:58 am, October 23,2004 A.D.
-I give up, no more all nighters
for me. They can all go to Hell.
8:59 am October 23,2004 A.D.
- The Devil won't take them.
I'd damn him if I could, but I
already have. Which gives me
an idea...
9:00 am October 23,2004 A.D.
GNAB
HUGE STRING OF GALAXIES REPORTED
by Gwen Burton
Discovered by Brent Tulley of the University of Hawaii,
the new "super cluster" is linked like beads on an enormous
celestial chain, and so large that theorists may have to
develop new models to explain the formation of the galaxies.
Galaxies are clusters of billions of stars grouped together
over millions of light years. Up to a decade ago, astronomers believed that galaxies did not form clusters on a large
scale, but were randomly scattered throughout space. Since
then, there has been a growing realization that galaxies seem
to fall into coherent clumps and strings separated by vast
voids. The data is all new, and there is still much testing to
be done. However, it does look like Santa Claus will have to
set Rudolph on a new course, or risk crashing into the
Pisces-Cetus Supercluster Complex, sending the contents of
his sleigh hurling through the universe at light speed. But,
all you star gazers, it sure does make one wonder where the
Star of Bethlehem came from.
The Washington Post Page 8
The 432
December 2,1987
Calendar
*1961
Feb. 3 Divorce
Science and Arts divorced, birth
of a legend.
*1962
March 8 Science blasts off
After a year of growing pains,
the SUS Black Hand embarks on its
first major project, claiming "If they
can make a decaffeinated coffee
that tastes good, why can't they
send a man to mars?" Project was
undertaken by science students
Robert Goddard, Knostin Tsi-
olkovsky and Werner Von Braun.
March 16 Science becomes irregular
The start of a great tradition:
the Science double election. In the
first ever Science Undergraduate
election, irregularities forced a
recall.
Nov. 15 Science grows balls
After Science threatens to enter
Chariot Race, both Engineering and
Agriculture withdraw. Due to the
extreme boredom in racing alone,
Science also withdrew, allowing the
lesser faculties to race, and besides,
the stadium track was too narrow
for three chariots.
*1963
Oct. 30 First Time Lucky; Virgins
Score
However, the antagonists
(gears) bit off more than they could
cnew and received the brunt of the
damage. Science sent over a dozen
engineering participants to the
hospital, compared to SUS's one.
In an act of valor the gears banned
Science from future races, opting
instead to compete against the
tamer Aggies and Foresters.
*1966
Jan. 4 Science Man Wins Rhodes
Scholarship
Severe radiation exposure from
his Physics 115 lab caused William
Brommel to mutate from a normal
Science student to an academically
conscientious student. Symptoms
of genius also led to his triumph as
the winner of the Rhodes Scholarship for B.C.
Jan. 20 Exposure
600 Science students celebrated
Science Week with their first
smoker, but gate crashing mounties
seized one Miss 'Candy7 Jones, the
centre of attraction, and charged
her with committing an indecent
act. Police also seized a projector
but found no film.
Feb. 11 Get Stoned
The Black Hand designed the
first ever human paper weight in
the form of the EUS vice president.
Dec. 3 The Decline
Science President, Ron Gilchrist,
due to the lack of student housing,
decided to move into the Science
office, with his girlfriend. Unfortunately, the hot plate they cooked
their meals on started a fire which
burnt the office down. The Dean of
Science was none too pleased and
the SUS was shut down until 1972.
*1973
Digimatic calculators capable
only of multiplication, division,
addition and subtraction; cost
$96.98.
The entire Science faculty was
placed in SUSpended animation to
ensure freshness. This had actually
been phased in starting in 1969.
*1981
Feb. 29 Dethaw
The Science faculty is taken out
of SUSpended animation.
March 11 Rebirth
Dave Frank, elected as President, revived Black Hand, Science
Chariot Races, involvement in
Science sports teams and incompetent presidencies.
Nov. 5 Chariot Race is Over
Revived Science chariot race
team comes in third.
*1982
Feb. 19 - March 16 20th Anniversary
Science celebrated the 20th anniversary of the first ever Science
election by re-enacting it. The
event was organized by Horacio de
la Cueva.
*1983
SUS initiates fulfilled their
pledges by painting a certain
bacteria factory, The Cheese, (coveted by the redcoats), bright pink.
Yet another issue of the 'IJlack
Plague" shocks journalistic critics.
*1984
Nothing significant happened,
disease of apathy swept campus.
*1985
Spring elections saw the rise of
the Mustard Dynasty. The high
Eriest of ethanol, Ron Teljeur, erects
is temple of twice-montnly insanity, The Underground. Science
paraphranalia becomes visible on
campus.
*1986
A particular red station wagon
disappears in the night and was
found impaled on the gear "block".
Science Week is an incredible
success with hundreds of $'s given
away as prizes, a tough act to
follow. The Crystal Ball rocked and
the Science bzzr garden continued.
UBC was declared an undergraduate free zone.
*1987
The Underground collapses and
the Science Undergraduate Society
invades the Education Building.
Intramural's program is swamped
with Science Students, de-indexing
their point system. The living dead
are blown away at SUS's airband,
Friday 13; some never returned.
*1988
Science Week...unforgettable!
SCIENCE WEEK
JANUARY 24-30,1988
In their first ever Chariot Race,
the Science team resoundingly
defeats the Gears; Aggies nowhere
to be seen. The Gears were none
too happy, explaining "We helped
them build their chariot after
someone swiped parts of it
Wednesday night!"
*1964
Feb. 4 Black Hand Gate Crashers
As a Science Week stunt, le
Main Noir overturned an A-53
Austin at the main gates using
distress flares to simulate belching
smoke. The effect was impressive
that the UBC fire and police departments came out to congratulate the
pranksters. With some quick
thinking the gang told them "We
were just emphasizing the extreme
danger of driving at this corner"
*1965
Sept. 14 Profs Beaten Black and
Blue
Science becomes the first faculty
to publish an 'anti-calendar' - the
Black and Blue Review. Students
were polled on the effectiveness of
courses, considering the prof, the
syllabus and the text. Not
unusually, some profs (the shitty
ones) bitched, but a noticeable improvement was discovered in their
lectures.
Oct 21 Race Riot
The chariot race is usually an
amicable event where rival faculties
participate in easy-going competition. But this year, the gears were
still sore from the stinging defeat
inflicted by Science, two years
previously. Half way through, the
race deteriorated into a bruising
free-for-all.
Later improvements had gears
bending over to provide a holder
for your pen.
*1967
Jan. 19 Let's Do The Time Warp
Again
During Science Week, SUS
buried a time capsule to be opened
in 2067. Unfortunately, of those
things buried, "somewhere along
main mall", Doug Kenny, the then
Dean of Arts, was not included.
Oct. 6 Revenge, That's What I
Need
Those nasty boys in red were
taught a lesson by the test-tubers.
*1968
Oct. 18 Whipped Cream Wrestling,
Ha!
Once again during Science
Week, a lusty celebration was held
and once again it was crashed by
the cops. However, this time the
event was held in the recently built
Student Union Building party
room. SUS executive denied all
knowledge of the event (as they
were leaving it), pointing out that
the room was booked by the Young
Businessmens' Club. First Black
Plague published.
*1969
Nov. 12-14 That's One Small Stunt
For Science.
One giant prank for Science-
kind. A drunken debauchery and
car rally in the form of a field trip to
NASA Headquarters, in Florida,
bagged Science a NASA flag. But
not just any NASA flag, this one
came from the mission conference
and briefing room. Now if we
could just find the guy who stole it
from us!
by Rose Lai -Science Week Coordinator
Science Week is only 8 WEEKS away!
-We have informed all the departments to put up DISPLAYS in the SUB Concourse on January 25 and 26th.
-In order for the CHEMISTRY MAGIC SHOW to be shown twice this year, we
must have volunteers. If you are interested in helping out, please contact me in
Scarfe 9. Sign-up sheets will be distributed in classes later.
-The Departmental TRICYCLE RACE down Main Mall will take place on Friday,
January 29 at noon. Be there and cheer for your department!
-GROUSE MOUNTAIN SKI CHALLENGE. Remember, registration ends on
January 15.
-Registration for the BROOMBALL TOURNAMENT will be from January 11-22.
The game will be held at the Thunderbird Winter Sports Centre on Thursday
night, January 28,1988.
-The movies we have chosen for 'Films Night' are: BLADE RUNNER and
MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL. The cost of tickets will be published.
January 24-30 is OUR week. Let's show them!
January
SUN
MON
TUES
WED
THU
FRI
SAT
24
25
^Departmental
Display in SUB
Concourse
26
* Departmental
Display in SUB
Concourse
*Chem Magic
Show
27
"Blood donor
28
29
30
Concourse
•Paper Airplane
contest 12:30
Hebb Theatre
Departmental
Tricycle Race
down Main
Mall
b a
Y       1
[   1   M   E
•Films
•Car Rally
*Broomball
Tournament
(sign up a
week before)
"Dance
"Scavanger
Hunt
N   1
G   h
T
T   1
M   E

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