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Biblos Dec 1, 1966

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Array V. 3, No, 3 SPECIAL SUPPLEMENT of the U.B.C. LIBRARY NEWSLETTER"DEC - 1966 By the way ...
DOWNS SURVEY ABANDONED.  The latest word from Robert B. Downs and
group acknowledges the receipt of the questionnaires distributed to
the various Canadian academic libraries.  Upon examination of some
of the replies, the "surveyors" realized that the questions were far
from effective - some were too personal, relying too heavily on individual opinion and influenced too heavily by library politics;
others were too arbitrary.  They feel it would be a waste of time
to go through all the replies as they are obviously too Inaccurate
and Instead shall spend their time more fittingly in the preparation of a new set of questions.  In compiling the new questionnaireF
they feel that the great increase in length and breadth in these
questions will elucidate much more effectively the strengths and
weaknesses of Canadian research material.
BILL WATSON AND BILL BELL EXCHANGE POSITIONS.  Bill Watson is
getting tired of the inhuman side of library operations; Bill Bell
of the human.  To prove that the grass IS greener on the other side
of the fence, they shall spend half of every day in the new year
in the other's position - exactly which half is still to be determined.  Actually it is our private opinion that BB likes BW<s view
and BW likes BB's leather chair]
NEW KING AT WOODWARD.  Because of Serials Divisions' inability of
function without the Woodward Library Daily List of Serials, the
powers that be have decided that Woodward is to be run by Serials
under the directorship of D_r.  S. Johnson.
To celebrate the initiation of the New Regime the Woodward Staff
will have a ritual Book-Burning in the Memorial Room fireplace.
Many Rare and Priceless tomes will be sacrificed with appropriate
libations (alcoholic) to ensure the success of Dr, Johnson's reign.
{"te~ EXHIBIT ON CANADIAN EROTIC ART
December 28th, 1966 - January 10th, I967,
As the Fine Arts Gallery Centennial Project, the Fine Arts Gallery
is planning a full year of exhibits centered around all aspects of
Canadian life.  Off to a fine start with this first exhibit on
Canadian Erotic Art, the Gallery has borrowed material from several
galleries and private collections.  In an attempt to show the history of this subject, there shall be a combination of the traditional and ultra-modern on display. The renowned authority on the
subject, Mr. Bert Hamilton, has been asked to Introduce and clarify
the items in this exhibit on FRIDAY, DECEMBER 30th at 12:30 a.m. 4
STAFF CHANGES
COMINGS
We are delighted to welcome pert Itsa Profession, a recent Library
Scnool graduate from Monaco, who majored in lunch and wrote the reveal ing study, "Problems I Have Overcome in the Cataloguing of
Spanish Moss", as her graduating thesis.  Luck, Itsa.
Another long-awaited addition to our staff is ebullient Hans Off,
noted author and illustrator of "Dial Tones of the World," the
latest index put out by the H, W, Wilson Company.
And a star-studded   hello   to young Fox Pass, the acclaimed
Method actor who is spending an ethical two years with us to gain
backbround for his next movie, "3:10 to Yoknapatawpha"„
GOINGS
Troothis Bewty, popular curator of the Art Gallery, has announced
his resignation as of Dec, 31,   1966.  He will long be remembered
for his fine exhibit "Bagged In", a real-life demonstration of the
utilization of Glad Bags in relation to human ecology,
Nick L. Plated leaves us soon for Greener Pastures, Pa„, where he
will be the new head of the Cereals Division,  Hope your office
is a little bigger there, Nick,
PROMOTIONS
Freddy Wood-Theatre is now the head of the newly-created Library
musical group - The Sunday Afternoon Chowder, Marching and Refrigerator Door Society, or SACMARDS.  Break a leg, Fred.
STAFF RECLASSIFICATION
Bill Bell is very pleased to announce the overshelming success of
his latest (and greatest) project - the reclassification of the
Library staff,  September and October saw the creation of innumerable job descriptions; the better part of November was spent in
their analyzation and evaluation. After long hours of discussion
with members of the Personnel Office, Bill decided that, since the
whole staff is entirely unique, he would reclassify everyone into
one category, to simplify things. "A little shelf-reading never
hurt anyone," he said. MACMILLAN MONEY GONE
In the annual report which recorded the financial situation of the
U.B.C, Library terminating March 31st, 1966, it was determined that
$864,888,69 of the MacMillan money had been spent,  It was impossible
to calculate exactly how much remained of the $3,000,000 for this
generous gift had been made in the form of stock,  However, on
December 15th, the Accounting Department informed the President and
BSS that an error in their calculations together with the sharp steady
decline in the stock market had pretty well wiped out any remaining
capital in the MacMillan fund.  The President fears that the current
trend of "tight money" precluded the availability of any more money
even to cover the minimum blanket orders and serials, let alone the
material separately ordered and anticipated to arrive before the end
of the fiscal year.  The necessity to find more money is only increased by the fact that we have been overspending this year's budget as it is in the assumption that we  were amply covered,  Needless
to say, BSS is rushing around trying to lay his finger on the
necessary funds,.„meanwhi1e the bills roll in.,.Run, Baz, RunJ BAZ RESIGNS
On December 22nd, 1966, Mr, Basil Stuart-Stubbs handed in his
resignation as Librarian of the University of British Columbia
Library, effective March 1st, 1967,
Local newspapers have conveyed the strong public reaction against
BSS's inability to save the U.B.C. Library from financial disaster
with the disappearance of the MacMillan money.  Criticism has become so great that partially as a result of severe political
pressures, BSS has resigned due to lack of support from the President and the Board of Governors.  Needless to say every critic has
been holding up the Library at Symon Razor as the classic example
of the "perfectly run organization".
In an attempt to clear the air as well as learn about this Utopia,
Baz has accepted a position at Symon Razor as Stack Level Attendant.  Once the chaos dies down, we hope to welcome him back.
In TRIBUTE for all he has done for the U.B.C. Library, the Library is replacing part of the parking lot area with a "Stubbs
Bicycle Stand" with a life time parking space for Baz,
With a thought for the future - the President is trying to select
a new librarian.  In the past, the Librarian has been appointed
by the President but prevailing democratic tendencies demand an
election February 1st, I967.  This of course goes against the
request issued by Parliament in Ottawa that no election be held
during our centennial year, 1967.  However, a special concession
arrived this morning - the election is on!
Who is running? The Head of the Student Council has decided to
run as he feels his close association with Baz in the organization
of the Student-Library Committee has given him ample opportunity
to qualify himself for the position.  He shall start his campaign
early in the new year. As yet, the other candidates have not been
revealed. NEW CIRCULATION POLICIES
In view of the fact that the U,BrC, Library is being regarded as a
research 1 I brary, the members of the Faculty feel that, all material
should be available to anyone who walks into the Library.  To satisfy this desire, the Circulation Division wishes to announce that no
material shall circulate as of January 1st,  This is the only way
they feel the material can be guaranteed available.
# #
#
#
STUDENTS EVIL
From the Law Library report of the great number of missing volumes
from their collection, one can imagine the number missing from the
Main Library,  This really shows that the student body as a whole
is a VERY evil bunch and action must be taken,  So, as of January
1st, the Student-Library Committee has declared that no students will
be allowed into the Stacks until further notice.
1>o Sou   s>\jvfxf^B   ouh: should  cutTAiu
- SVTUWN BJ6MIN6- POST. REFERENCE DIVISIONS BANNED FROM U.B.C,
The Personnel Office discovered the Infamous article, The Mismanagement
of College Libraries and felt that the thesis was applicable to our library particularly on the subject of reference divisions,  On the understanding that good orientation courses would preclude 99 per cent of the
questions asked, the Personnel Office has made the recommendation that
orientation courses given by former reference librarians be a compulsory
part of the university curricula.  With this In effect, the purpose of
the reference divisions has been achieved and therefore shall be dissolved
The only questions remaining can be answered by two signs:
and as a last resortf another ominous sign shall be posted^by
door:
e  front
TRof
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thmtfh the fheer Weight of -h
fatigue to quifmy Fott & ris-   ft
pa/r-tomy LhuellmQ^hotij^ until
1 hfn/& recovertd mv  ufva/
Co/Yipofur&.      r>     v^/    •
—J MUSIC IN THE LIBRARY
With the great amount of work to be done In the Library, the Front
Office is always looking for new methods to increase the working
efficiency and speed of the staff.  Little men have been running
around the Library taking notes on poorly lighted and poorly ventilated areas, etc. and after a lot of discussion, have finally
published their report:  Working Conditions In the Library, At the
end of their report, they list the alterations they feel necessary.
At the top of their list is the suggestion that music should be
filtered through the library from the Record Library.  As these
consultants are highly regarded In their field, the Library is considering their recommendations so fingers crossed, we shall have
"music to work by" early In the New Year;  Management Consulting
Co, Is 74-g- per cent owned by Seeburn Background Music Installation,
r.- dQQOOOCo
"' O\0H TH-erlO
j A\9i       IP
nGf
U.B.C. GIVES SYMON RAZOR XMAS PRESENT
As the students and faculty at Symon Razor know only too well, the
shortage of material in their library forces the researchers to
migrate for long periods of time to the hallowed halls of the
U.B.C. Library,  In an attempt to help S,R.U, in their dire straitss
U.B.C, has decided to give them all our pamphlets uncataloged - no
strings attached!  Merry Christmas, little instant university!
# #
#
#
# 10
Now that we are lulled into the Christmas season by the spirit of
giving, let's take a look at an olde chyldehoode favoryte. Come,
Muse...
Twas  the  night   before  Christmas  and  all   through  the   stacks
Not  a  creature  was   stirring  not  even   the   rats.
Book  trucks  and  turnstiles  all   silent  and   still
The  dimly   lit  corridors  ghostly  and  chill.
The  students  all   vanished,   the  halls  strangely  bare
Not  a whisper or   rustle  disturbing  the  air.
The  shadows of  dark creeping  over  the  floor,
A wintry  howling  of  night  at  the  door,
When  out   by   the  entrance   arose  such  a  clatter
In  the  name of  St,   Wibby*  what  could   be  the matter?
The moon on   rotunda  so  silver and cold.
Revealed  a  strange  vision  all  joto to  behold.
Twas   the  Spirit  of  Fortune  all   full   and  unspent
Bursting with  dollars  and wealth  opulent.
More   rapid  than   lightning  his  helpers  they  came
As  he whistled  and   shouted  and  called  them  by  name.
Come  Bertram,   and  Bobby,   two  Billiams  and  Baz,
There's much  to  accomplish,   wherefore  and  where  as,
There's   funds  overspent,   tis  a  crime  and  a   shock.
Three million  near gone   -   so   refill   the   sock.
In  Circ,   the  new Xerox   refuses  to work,
Just make   it   self-running  and   retire   the  clerk
On   full   pay   that   is  for  all   her  life  through,
For tonight   is  the  night   that wishes  come  true.
There's  a wall   to  be  painted,   such   slogans,   well   really,
And  a  department   to  plug  where  the  "drop   ships"   to  freely.
There's   re-classing,   re-vising  and   rules   for   re-peal 1ing,
And  a mile  of new  shelving   to  hang  from  the  ceiling. v
St. Wiborada,
Patron saint of Libraries 11
There's an office 'Ive heard whose owner requests
An interview couch and some curtains - for guests.
And again there's a door needs some glass at the top
Or how else can the staff know when work is to stop.
So each to his task his helpers they flew
And the Spirit of Fortune followed them too.
His eyes how they glistened as he saw in a flash
All the projects and plans he could help with his cash.
So he danced and he chortled, sang carolling trills
Then he opened his bundle and scattered the bills,
Theyflew all around the Authority File
And covered completely the shiny grey tile.
He tucked them in mail slots, in file trays and drawers,
And fed the computer who spat out its cores.
He wrote Blanket Orders for each country on earth
Any size, any language, even Mars, that's a first.
He spoke not a word, just emptied his pack
And even producing a bicycle rack.
Fifty new phones, and fans by the score,
And a coffee machine at the door of each floor,
A look all around and a scratch of the head
He sat for a moment exhausted, most dead.
Then he sprang to the door to his B's gave a whistle
And away they all fled with the speed of a missile.
But his voice drifted back as they vanished in fog.
Goodnight, Merry Christmas^a^d Happy Backlog,
Pat LaVac 12
And now, dear friends, let us waft you away into the thrilling days of
yesteryear, Into the mirthful entertainment centre of the book world.
Join us in a cheery Christmas carrell as we leaf nostalgically through
the pages of the S.S.B.*, compiled by Neiges d1An tan.
Tune:  J Ingle Bel 1s.
Take a look - one day book!
I need it for a week!
Please make an exception or I'll
be right up the creek,
I'll scream and swear, tear my hair,
Really cause a scene -
And don't send me to RBC cause that's
just where I've been!
Tune:  0 Christmas Tree.
0   IBM,   0   IBM,
How great   is  automation.
With  punched cards  and  flashing
1 ights
You're  full   of  fascination.
The  printouts  come   so  fast   and  thick'
No mortal   person  works   so  quick-
And  where   is Mr.   Triggs?   He's   sick!
You're causing  a  sensation,
0 Xerox man, 0 Xerox man,
How neat is this machine age.
"It. works for babies fine," you say,
But not so well for teenage.
As toner pours out on the floor,
And papers don't appear no more,
We see you heading out the door,
You must have reached a mean age.
Sedgewick Song Book, of course 13
Tune:      We  Three  Kings,
^
I   will   get   through  Commerce,   but when?
Here   I   am   In  first year again,
I'm  afraid  of   reference  aid   so   I'll
Try   it myself,   and  then,   0    0
I'll   go  beerlng  at  the Arms
Royal   Commissions  have   lost their charms.
Mustn't  think,   so   I'll  just drink
And  wish   librarians   lots  of harms.
Tune:     Deck the  Hal 1s
Faulkner,   Conrad,   Joyce  and  Lawrence,
Fa   la   la   la   la   la   la   la   la.
See the kiddies come in torrents.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
"Where's O'Neill and Samuel
Fa la la la la la la la 1 a„
"Don't touch that display -
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Beckett?"
you ' 1 1 wreck it! "
"Where's the washroom?. "What's the time, chick?1
Fa la la la la la la la la.
"Change this quarter to a dime, quick! "
Fa la la la la la la la la,
Kids are great, but often twisted -
Fa la la la la la la la la,
"Harry Chaucer is not listed! "
Fa la la la la la la la la. 14
Tune:  The Twelve Days of Christmas.
i§3
Mk
On  the
On  the
first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A 1ibrary at U.B.C.
second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
two 1031's and a library at U.B.C,
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
three lunch bags, two 1031's and a library at U.B.C,
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
four loaded trucks, three lunch bags, two 1031's
JVj- and a library at U.B.C,
On the
/
fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
five reference desks, four loaded trucks, three
k lunch bags, two 1031's and a library at U.B.C.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
six Faulkner essays, five reference desks, four
loaded trucks, three lunch bags, two 1031's
and a library at U.B.C.
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
seven shelves to sort on, six Faulkner essays,
five reference desks, four loaded trucks, three
lunch bags, two 1031's and a library at U,B,C„
eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
eight outdated hold packs, seven shelves to sort
on, six Faulkner essays, five reference desks,
four loaded trucks, three lunch bags, two 1031's
and a 1i brary at U,B.C
\ 15
On  the  ninth  day  of  Christmas,   my  true   love  gave  to me
nine  Commerce  Students,   eight  outdated  hold  packs,
seven   shelves   to  sort  on,   six  Faulkner  essays,
five   reference  desks,   four   loaded  trucks,   three
lunch  bags,   two   1031's  and  a   library  at  U,B,C.
On   the
V
;
tenth  day  of  Christmas,   my   true   love  gave  to me
ten  new   reserve   lists,   nine  Commerce   students,
eight  outdated  hold  packs,   seven   shelves  to  sort  on,
six  Faulkner essays,   five   reference  desks,   four
loaded  trucks,   three   lunch   bags,   two   1031's  and  a
1ibrary  at   U.B.C.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
eleven books to Xerox, ten new reserve lists, nine
Commerce students, eight outdated hold packs,
seven shelves to sort on, six Faulkner essays,
five reference desks, four loaded trucks, three
lunch bags, two 1031's, and a library at U.B.C,
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
twelve pounds of p-slips, eleven books to Xerox,
ten new reserve lists, nine Commerce students,
eight outdated hold packs, seven shelves to sort
on, six Faulkner essays, five reference desks,
four loaded trucks, three lunch bags, two 1031!s,
AND A LIBRARY AT U.B.C.
H 16
Truman  Kaput  cold-bloodedly  threw a  party  the  other day  at which one
of  the  guests  was   BSSe     Our major-domo  decided   to   reciprocate,   and
placed   the   following   telephone  call   which   the   BIBLOS  wire-tap  crew
managed   to   pick up.
BAZ:
Hi,
TRU:
Who?
BAZ:
You
TRU:
Oh,
BAZ:
Anot
TRU:
Soun
BAZ:
Sedg
TRU:
OK,
Tru,      Th i s   is   Baz,
know - B,C.'s most beleaguered bookman.
yeah, what's up?
her party, man!  An apocalyptic, devastating bacchana'
naked women, musicians, a few pussycats and lots of
people.  Come,
ds fierce.  Where and when?
ewick Library, December 23, 2 p.m.
See  you   there.      'Bye.
wi th
i brary
j
* w%
£S(f

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