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Emma Crosby Letters

[Letter, Emma Crosby to Eliza Douse, February 18, 1874] Crosby, Emma, 1849-1926 Feb 18, 1874

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 Hamilton Feb. 18th 1874    My dear Mother,   You will not be expecting a letter from me again so soon, but I have something particular to write about today and I do not think I ought to postpone doing so any longer.  I put off writing the last thinking I might be prepared to say what I am going to say now - but I did not feel as though I could mention it then. I fancy I hear you say just here - "O! My! What a girl she is - in some trouble again I suppose." I do not think it is going to be my trouble - I hope not but really, Mother dear, I do feel badly to have to say anything to you about it - but you must know - and the sooner, perhaps, the better.  Now, dear Mother, it is just this I want to ask you & my father - would it grieve you very much - would you be willing to let me go to British Columbia, not exactly as a missionary on my own responsibility, but to be a help and a comfort, if possible, to a noble man who has been there working for years by himself.  You know who it is I mean - I wish you had seen him yourself and heard him speak - but you remember what Eliza said about him, and I believe your confidence in him would be as strong as mine if you did know him.  I know it would be a very serious undertaking to go there - a great deal both for ourselves and others, might - would depend upon it, and yet the conviction grows upon me that I might be both happy & useful - perhaps more so there than anywhere else.  Only one view of it troubles me and that is in reference to yourself & my father.  If you were to be less happy for the want of what I might give if I were with you - then I do not think I could feel sure it would be right for me to go.  I have not given my promise yet and shall not do so until I hear from you.  Let me know, Mother dear, just how you feel about it as soon as you can.  Of course there would not be much time for preparation, perhaps not longer than till May and it would be, likely, a good many years before I could come back even for a visit.  You will think, perhaps, Mamma that I have been very hasty - I saw Mr. Crosby for the first time four weeks ago next Monday but things are no less safe, although hasty, when they rest, as I firmly believe this does, with higher wisdom than our own.  We have met a number of times, last evening we spent together in the college here, and have talked about it as fully as could be.  Do not think either that I am carried away by the romance of the thing - I would not go one step if I believed that to be what influenced me.  I have thought calmly about it, and while my own feelings prompt me to go, I do not trust to them alone, and whether I go or stay I shall take all to be well.  I wish I could talk to you about it but I think you will understand the matter.  Let this be, at least for the present, between ourselves alone.  I have not said a word on the subject to the girls so, please, do not mention it to them or anyone else.  I expect Mr. C. here next Thursday.  If I could have some word from you before then I should be very glad, but take your own time about answering.   I believe we should love each other and you know that would make up for so many wants in other ways.  Now, Mother dear, forgive me if I give you trouble and anxiety, and with much love to yourself and my father,   Believe me,   [Hamilton]    Your affectionate daughter,  Emma

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