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ACT NATMAiiY disorder
That Magazine from CITR Radio 102
January 1988 • Vol. V Issue #60
EDITOR
Bill Mullan
WRITERS
Janis McKenzie, Matt Richards, Dave
Campbell, John Ruskin, Denlse Richard, Al
Thurgood, Garnet Harry, Mike Dezell, Kirby
Hill
ART DIRECTOR
Matt Richards
ILLUSTRATORS
William Thompson, M. Helen J. Orr
PHOTOS
M. Helen J. Orr, U.N. Owen
COVER
Matt Richards
LAYOUT
Danuta Debowskl, Shirley Soo, Indira, Kathy
Day, Karen Shea, M. Helen J. Orr, Johanna
Clock, Brian Holm, Louise Magnuson
PROGRAM GUIDE
Louise Jantzen
TYPESETTING
Dena Corby, Alex Johnson, Adam Jones, Peter
Lankester, Peter Francis
ACCOUNTS MANAGER
Randy Iwata
ADVERTISING MANAGER
Lucy Crowther
DISTRIBUTION
David Newell
PUBLISHER
Harry Hertscheg
Discorder Magazine, c/o CITR - UBC Radio
6138 SUB Blvd., Vancouver, B.C. Canada
V6T 2A5 S(604) 228-3017
Discorder is That Magazine from CITR Radio
102 and is published monthly by the Student Radio
Society of the University of British Columbia, although it winds up being printed deep from within
Surrey, Canada.
Discorder Magazine prints what it wants to, but
pledges to put the CITR On The Dial program schedule and SpinList record chart in every issue. Discorder also vows to circulate 17,500 copies by the
first of each month. Subscriptions are encouraged.
Twelve issues: $12 in Canada, $12(US) in the
States, $18 elsewhere. Make money orders or
certified cheques payable to CITR Publications'.
CITR Radio 102 broadcasts a 49-watt stereo signal throughout the Vancouver area at 101.9 FM.
But for best reception, hook up to the FM cable network. CITR is at 101.9 cable FM on Rogers (Lower
Mainland) and Shaw (North Shore) cable systems,
but is still at 100.1 on Rogers (Fraser Valley).
Inquiries about CITR, Discorder or the Mobile
Sound System can be directed to station manager
Harry Hertscheg at 228-3017, between 10 am - 4
pm, Monday to Friday. If you want to talk to the
deejay, call 228-2487 or 228-CITR.
IN THIS ISSUE
7. A CHRISTMAS STORY
It could happen here
8. PUZZLIN' EVIDENCE
But what does it mean?
11. WHAT KIND OF YEAR DID YOU HAVE?
Fear and loathing in 1987
12. THE YEAR OF THE COCKROACH
What's in a list?
16. IT WAS A VISUAL YEAR
And this is what it looked like
IN MOST ISSUES
4. AIRHEAD
readers who write
19. LOCAL MOTION
in a city near you
20. DIS CHORD
if it sounds good. ..
24. SPIN LIST
Don Chow's 1987 "Spunlist"
27. ON THE DIAL
everyperson's guide to CITR
30. IT'S TRUE
and it's happening
JANUARY 1988 WHAJT   A
;<***■
^
^WHAT A RAG DISCORDER  IS I     EACH
ARTICLE  SOUNDS SO MUCH LIKE ALL
THE OTHERS,  EACH PAGE SO MUCH
WHAT A   LIKE THE OTHER PAGES
©   %
PEACE, LOVE AND PUNISHMENT
Discorder,
Re: page 9, December issue. McHarshness,
Bud. Who wrote this letter? Larry or Jack? One of
them has a rather unusual hellfire and brimstone
attitude toward the idea of God. Is Religion supposed
to be punishment oriented or rehabilitative? If it is
based on punishment, I'm out of here. That is not fun.
Peace and Love, Bro.
Drainpipe, Arts 1
Of course it's not fun.
Discorder/Larry Thiessen,
Hey, Larry. Your letter to Jack Van Impe
Ministries was great, but I seriously doubt if any mail
without a dollar sign in front of it gets past their
garbage can.
Cam K.
^vOo
Discorder,
WHERE'S WOMBAT!!?
G. Penygrasse
Dear Virginia, Where is Wombat? You might as
well ask, where is Jimmy Hoffa? As far as we
know here at Discorder, Wombat is/was/always
will be a figment of the talented Filbrandt's
imagination. No doubt, he still exists there, as he
does in numerous back issues of this fine magazine.
In the words of the immortal George Harrison "All
things must pass." Wombat has done just that.
Will he rise again? That is the real question.
XMAS TIME IS FOR ASSHOLES
Discorder,
Like all intelligent people, I greatly dislike
Christmas. It is really an atrocious institution. We
must be gluttonous because it is Christmas. We must
be drunken because it is Christmas. We must be
v insincerely generous; we must buy things that nobody
wants, and give them to people we don't like; we must
go to absurd entertainments that make even our little
children satirical; we must writhe under venal offi-
ciousness from legions of freebooters, all because it is
Christmas.
George Bernard Shaw
Actually, this isn't an Airhead letter at all, but something we stole from a No Fun press release. It was
originally published December 20th, 1893. BUCK THE SYSTEM
PAY ONLY ONE DOLLAR!
with the presentation of this coupon. Limit one coupon per
customer, to see HILARIOUS IMPROVISATIONAL
comedy with the
THEATRESPORTS GANG!
Offer good Wednesday and Thursday only 8:00 pm
Regular admission $6. Phone 688-7013
Offer expires January 31/88.
Back Alley Theatre, 751 Thurlow
M    M  ONE
DOIJLAR
Discorder,
My brother gets every issue
of your magazine and I read it fron
cover to cover after he's finished
with it (I don't think he even reads
it). Anyways, I think that your
magazine is really neat - - and weird
too!
I think that you could get more
readers if you printed more public
interest stories.  Stories like mine
are very touching and this is iti
On Saturday night, I went to the
Cannes Goods II at the Ridge and
after I left, and I walked down Arbutus and found a wallet and I looked
in it, but found no money (I deduced
that it had been stolen).
I thought of my options. Leave
it, strew the contents over hell's
half-acre, sell the ID to some teen
• • . maybe I could have done these
things, but I didn't.  I tried putting it in the 'Wallet' drop-off in
a bank on Hastings, but it was locked
so I decided to mail it back to
Alberta.  I thought of how it was
close to Christmas and how I'd like
someone to mail me my  wallet if I
lost it, plus the guy had a map to
his Mom's place in it.
I mailed the wallet and felt
good.  This story - - and if you
encouraged your readers to send in
other happy stories like it - -
could make your magazine more enjoyable.
Sincerely,
Lee Mortimer
m    FROM   L.A.
« BAN& CRUNCH foP
lb   OPcU   AT   q.QQ p/vj.
MO  MlWoPS
FffEE
FfiRTlT
FAVOURS
JANUARY 1988 FM102
D 8261 OAK STREET, VANCOUVER, B.C. V6P 4A8       TM
(604) 266-1298
D 1405 HUNTER ST., NORTH VANCOUVER V7J 1H3
(604) 987-1975
D 306 FITZWILLIAM ST., NANAIMO, B.C. V9R 3A5
i*n&\ 754-4335
Otlti^f off OUT! t was the night before Christmas and all through the
| house were empty beer bottles. The guests were
I leaving one by one and two by two. Frank slipped
on the bottom step and cracked his head on the
pavement. It made the snow turn a lovely bright red.
What a wonderful time they had all been having at the
party! Everyone had a good giggle as Frank's wife
took him to the hospital. j
Uncle Don was feeling better than he'd felt in
a long time and not surprising. He* d managed to drink
a whole bottle of rum. He dropped the keys a couple
of times trying to get into his car but once in, it started
first go. "Gee/' thinks Uncle Don, "I'm sure glad I got
that new battery and a tune-up before the cold weather
set in." It was a lovely clear night and the moon was
shining brightly on the fresh snow. Uncle Don was
driving pretty straight when he went through the red
light and broadsided another car. He struck the window real hard. Too bad he forgot to put his seat belt on.
It's no wonder that red and green are the colours of
Christmas. The firemen felt pretty sick after they
pulled Uncle Don's mangled body from the wreck-
v It was Uncle Don's niece Debby who answered the phone when the police called. She ran and
got Daddy, then went back to wrapping Uncle Don's
Christmas present. Daddy looked a little pale when he
hung up the phone. He went the cupboard and poured
himself a drink of rum, but somehow it didn't taste so
good. Instead, he washed down a Valium with a beer.
He didn't want to tell mummy about this but there was
no avoiding it. ^-~"»"3 5        .    %
,#r-'
^1
"Mummy," said Debby. "Billy told me that
pigs are killed by hanging them up with a spike
through their back legs and then they have their
treats cut while all the blood drains out because
they're still alive. Do we have to have ham this
Christmas?"
"Don't you listen to Billy, he's just telling you
stories. And when you're finished wrapping that
present I want you to go to bed right away. Santa
Claus will be here before you know it and he doesn't
give presents to little girls who don't do what they're
told."
Later on, as Daddy was telling Mummy about
Uncle Don, they could hear the Hudsons next door
having an argument. Mr. Hudson had sold some the
food that the neighbourhood school had left on their
doorstep, and spent the money on rum. Mr. Hudson
was really drunk and started to beat up Mrs. Hudson.
The police arrived and took Mr. Hudson away.
Debby was awake because of all the noise
next door. She couldn't see anything from her window though so she looked up in the sky and saw a
bright light moving across it She wondered if the
light was Santa with Rudolf leading the way. Actually
it was a defence satellite moving into position. The
President had drank a lot of rum that night and had
pushed a few buttons that no one in their right mind
should have even considered creating. It was going to
be a white Christmas after all. White hot. Hotter than
the sun. Uncle Don sure was lucky he'd always
enjoyed a drink of rum.
Matt Richards
JANUARY 1988 7 PlJZZjritf' %I»E«CE
IT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENS IN A GIVEN YEAR
THAT MATTERS SO MUCH AS WHAT BECOMES
EVIDENT
For instance, it's worth noting that within the
last ten years science has come up with all the
necessary technology to make perfect fake photographs: images so apparently real, no expert can
prove them false. Imagine Brian Mulroney holding
hands with a scantily clad sixteen-year-old (not his
daughter or even his niece). Imagine a space ship
hovering over a Burger King somewhere in Saskatchewan (do they have Burger Kings in Saskatchewan?). Imagine Wayne Gretzky mainlining
heroin.
We're living in an age where, logically, you
can't believe anything you see (certainly no document, no movie, no video or audio recording, no
evidence of any kind). What does this do to the justice
system? What does this do to our whole concept of
truth? What weird mutation are we going to notice
anyday now in children bom since 1980?
THE BAD GUYS ARE WINNING
Is it just me or is everyone sick these days?
Not with AIDS necessarily, just sick. Isn't there an
ominous number of vicious colds going around?
What is this weird thing they're calling "Yuppy
Mono'? (Why are so many medical experts denying
it exists?)
Of course, none of this has anything to do
with Chernobyl, with Bhopal, with acid raid, the
depleting ozone, the disappearing Brazilian rain
forest. The planet's in wonderful shape. Just ask
anyone in the Reagan Administration. While you're
at it, get them to verify that the CIA have no involvement with organized crime, repressive political regimes or the murder of Peter Tosh. Prediction for
1988: creative paranoia will become a popular pastime.
U2 ARE NOT AS BIG AS THE BEATLES. JOHN
LENN0N WAS WAY TALLER THAN ANY OF
THEM.
But they're not a bad band at all. Who knows?
In a realistic venue, they might even be the best live
rock V roll band ever. But not in BC Place. Don't
believe the deluded ravings of those who fought so
hard, believed so fervently, paid so much that it had
to be the concert of the year. More like the scam of the
year. Certainly the disappointment. Art and football
stadiums have about as much in common as Ollie
North and the truth. BC Place should be filled with
dirt and turned into the world's largest terrarium.
Imagine the tulips!
ROCK 'N' ROLL IS DEAD!
You have to admit it's pretty strange when
three of the four members of the band of the year are
clean living Christians who no doubt get along very
well with their parents. Was it AIDS that did the
heinous deed or was it Miami Vicel Bon Jovi or Huey
Lewis? What about Michael J. Fox? What about
Johnny Rotten? Were Led Zeppelin the last great
rock V roll band? (Before you scoff, get a copy of
Physical Graffiti and listen to all four sides at least
twice. If you're not impressed, you're probably a
Socred.)
LONG LIVE ROCK!
— or am I just peering up my asshole searching for a great white hope and getting blinded by the
smell? What is rock 'n' roll anyway? What about
Prince? What about Sign o' the Times, the single, the
album, the movie (the concert of the year). Prince's
music is everything rock 'n' roll should be: erotic,
dangerous and wickedly assured. Anyone who
doesn't think he's simply bloody amazing is either
homophobic, a white supremist or too old to understand.
Fats Comet (Tackhead, the Mafia, whatever
you want to call them) are hot, too. (Imagine if Led
Zeppelin had understood funk.) Their show at 86
Street was better than it had a right to be ... given the
venue.
HOME  TAPING   SHOULD   KILL  THE   RECORD
INDUSTRY
Imagine a technology which allows you to
record a song (studio quality) at home, then pop a
number of dubs of it into the mail and send them to
various friends all over the world, who pull off multiple dubs themselves and send them to other friends
who pull off other dubs, and so on and so on... and all
with no discernible loss in signal quality. Such is the
nature of Digital Audio Tape (DAT) technology. Call
it evolution. We all know what happens to dinosaurs.
HOLLYWOOD IS RUN BY LIVING DEAD ZOMBIES
I was going to write off the whole idea of the
place — everyone who's got anything to do with it —
and vow never to waste my money on another Hollywood film, but then I saw Steven Spielberg's Empire
§. of the Sun. Magic. AMERICA IS RUN BY LIVING DEAD ZOMBIES
It's true. Ronald Reagan died of brain cancer
sometime in June and they've been reanimating the
corpse ever since. Rich Little's doing the voice. You
haven't seen him around recently, have you.
AMERICA IS A LIVING DEAD ZOMBIE
Apparently, if you're a thirteen year old black
kid in the slums of Detroit, and you want to join a gang,
the initiation is to murder another kid. Any kid. Just as
long as he doesn't belong to the gang in question.
Preferably, he should be shot. As of the end of August,
the 1987 handgun murder death loll for kids under
sixteen (in Detroit alone) was over a hundred. Why
don't they deal with this on the Cosby show?
THE MAJORITY OF "HUMANITY" ARE LIVING
DEAD ZOMBIES
Most people don't think. The concept of
weighing pros and cons has nothing to do with how
they make a choice. It's a sad but brutal truth. How
else could Bill Vander Zalm have been elected?
Ronald Reagan? What does this say about the validity
of democracy? Prediction for 1988: expect an increase in public mental derangement.
IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT
(AND I FEEL FINE)
I think. Sure it's fun to watch the Stock Market
crash, to watch Ronald Reagan squirm, to comment
on the significance of that ferry The Herald of Free
Enterprise capsizing off the coast of Belgium (remember: "The belief in coincidence is the prevalent
superstition of the modem age of science"). But what
about the reality of collapse, disintegration, breakdown? Civilization isn't all bad. In any event, REM's
song does rock. Call it the single of the year. It's
anybody's guess what the verses are supposed to be
about, but the chorus (the title) says it all.
TV SHOW OF THE YEAR
Max Headroom (now cancelled).
ROCK VIDEO OF THE YEAR
Who cares?
MOST   UNNECESSARY   ANNIVERSARY   CELEBRATION OF THE YEAR
The twentieth anniversary of the release of
Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band. An okay
record, but...
QUOTE OF THE YEAR:
"There is a bitter bile in my throat these days."
(Ronald Reagan, December 1st 1986; technically not
1987, of course, but given our print deadlines for a
January issue — December 2nd — it does qualify).
The man with the 'most important job in the world'
was apparently trying to convince us he was perturbed
and genuinely concerned with certain bad business
and basic misconduct which had apparently been
going on behind his back (under his nose? between his
ears? choose your favorite cliche). Or maybe he didn't
give a shit about Irangate. Maybe he was speaking
literally. Maybe there really was bile in his throat, a
symptom of his yet undetected terminal cancer. Some
things you just can't know for sure.
Bill Mullan
one of the best paperback literature selections in Vancouver
albion books and records
523 Richards St.  • Vancouver • 662-3113
We buy and sell quality used books and records.
JANUARY '88
SELECTIONS
Fri. Jan. 1
Sun.
Jan. 3
ROBOCOP
restricted
7:30
PLATOON
restricted
9:30
GLASNOST!
Mon. Jan 4-Tues. Jan 5
CASABLANCA
general / ZoU
James Dean in
EAST OF
EDEN      9:25
THE
NEW FACE OF
SOVIET CINEMA
14 Major Russian Films Comprising
The Best Soviet Film Showcase
Ever Assembled for North America
JAN. 15 - JAN. 24
1988 Memberships!
The $5.00 Annual Membership entitles the card holder to great movie discounts!
$2.00 off ail adult admissions for the year...
for members it's $3.00 Tuesdays every day of the week!
JANUARY 1988 NEW YEAR'S EVE BASH
with WUNDER BRED and
guests THE FOUR ONES
SCheap Only $8 Bucks!
JANUARY
2 New Year's Eve Party Continues
with CURIOUS GEORGE
8/9 Record Release Party
THE DAYGLOW ABORTIONS
with NG3
10 ART OPENING —
12 MIDNIGHT
15/16 HIP TYPE with special guests
22/23 NEW BAND SHOWCASE
22nd-THE PAIN KILLERS, SPEED OF
LIFE, VELLUS DISCORDIA
23rd—THE STICK FIGURES,
DR. AXLEROD
29/30 Fresh from the recording studio
DEATH SENTENCE
with special guests	
\TlVE
I   FRIDAYS FROM
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ARTS CLUB THEATRE 1181 SEYMOUR 683-0151
THE WEB has
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WRITE US
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£ia*i^
id you ever have one <
those days? You know,
where nothing seemed to
go the way you wanted
UliiiiiiH it to? Where no matter how
carefully you stepped, you always landed in shit? And
the harder you tried to make it better, the worse it got?
We all have days like that. Many have weeks we'd
rather just forget about. But a whole year? Is that
possible?
There are times in our lives when we must go
through a transition. In order to grow, one must
change. And change is tough. It starts with a period of
self-loathing. An intense denial of your own personal
wrath. You doubt your own values and become dependent on others for support and direction. You no
longer trust your own judgement. Your life becomes
a continuing stream of crisis situations. You can't
cope. You panic. All you want to do is escape. So you
run away and hide. You quit school, quit your job, put
your possessions in storage or scatter them amongst
friends. You leave town, leave the country, run away,
run away, run away.
And in the beginning, exile is wonderful. It's
the best time you've ever had in your life. You can go
anywhere, do anything, see everything. You can be
anyone you've ever wanted to be. You wish this
feeling could last forever.
Of course, it doesn't. Freedom becomes laziness. Laziness turns into apathy. Those ugly feelings
you tried to run away from finally catch up with you.
You're a coward. Weak and stupid. You have no
direction except to keep running. Only it's hard to run
when you don't even want to get out of bed.
It's time to go home.
Home, where nothing has changed, except
that you have to start all over again. You're broke, you
need a job. Only this time it'll be different. You'll get
a job that pays a lot of money for doing exactly what
you want to do. Sure. You gave up your apartment
when you left so you need one of those too. But you're
broke, you need a job. But how can you find work
without a place to stay?
If you're lucky, you have family or a girlfriend
or someone who cares enough for you to put you up
and put up with you until you can get on your feet
again. Someone who will feed you and give you a
place to sleep and comfort you and push you so you
can help yourself.
And all the time the stress adds up and adds up.
Because of all the things you've given away — your
money, your job, your possessions, your home — the
one thing you don't have that you need more than
anything else, is your self-esteem. And without that,
every situation is stressful, every activity is a challenge, every setback is total and complete rejection.
Everything is blown out of proportion. You hate
yourself more than ever. You hate the world for
allowing you to do this to yourself. Then you hate
yourself some more, because it wasn't the world's
fault, only yours.
The hate and the self loathing do pass, in time,
and slowly sanity returns. Bit by bit, the pieces do fall
back into place. You get a job, not a great job, not even
a good one, it has nothing to do with what you want
in life but it pays. A bit. At least now you can buy food
and help with the rent. The guilt of living as a
homeless waif has been lifted. You can make a contribution again. You're a human being again.
Of course this isn't the end of all your troubles.
C'mon you're still human. You're still going to be
hurt. And you're a long way from the level of confidence and self-esteem that you were at before this all
started. So you've got a job. Big stinking deal. Five
bucks an hour to get up at 4:30 in the morning, ride
your bike over the Lion's Gate Bridge (rain or shine)
'cause the stinking buses don't run that early — all so
you can flog over-rated coffee at over-inflated prices.
Soon you hate the job and it hates you. Time to
quit before you get fired You're on a job search again.
Job search has got to be one of the ugliest, most
terrifying, most stressful experiences imaginable.
You feel like shit because you don't have a job, but
you have to go out, every day and try to convince a
pack of strangers that you're the greatest thing since
the disposable cat box. You're forced to feed them a
pack of lies because if you stick to the truth you'd
never get hired in a million years. But you've also got
to be prepared to live up to those same lies if somehow
the impossible happens and you do get hired.
And then one day, it does happen. "Welcome
to the team." You've landed yourself a job you actually want It's almost perfect. It's in your field of
expertise, you're working with people you know and
like. You can do anything you want, and get paid to do
it
You've realised a dream. And that is the most
frightening reality of all. Dreams don't belong in the
real world. They are a product of the mind and the
imagination. So far, your life has been a conflict,
between those unpleasant activities you must do to
survive (like working for a living) and those you do for
pleasure and fulfilment. Over time you've developed
a 'day-job' mentality. Now, faced with a day-job that
you don't have to hate, you're confused. The goal
you've spent the last year racing toward has been
realised, before you were ready for it.
This has been some year. Over-loaded with
frustration, rejection, anger, depression, disappointment and anxiety. And ending up exactly where you
wanted to be. It's time for a holiday.
Dave Campbell
JANUARY 19S8 11 CITR AND DISCORDER PRESENT
ENIGMA RECORDING ARTISTS
FROM CALIFORNIA
AN ED BANGER PRESENTATION
TICKETS AVAILABLE AT ODYSSEY AND ZULU RECORDS
certified
XXX Movies
p^s NEuj oilt&lMfiL. A 7 SECOND INTERVIEW WITH THE RHEOSTATICS
What's the typical type of sandwich eaten in Toronto: Egg Salad.
How many of you scuba dive: 2.
What's your favorite type of soap: Ivory.
Nardwuar the Human Serviette
TOP TEN ALBUMS OF 1987
(in no particular order)
a)    54-40: "Show Me"
- well worth the wait
Cannon Heath Down: "Heartthrob Compan
ion"    - brilliant local debut
Miracle Legion: "Surprise, Surprise, Sur
prise"
- semi-folky, jangly stuff from Connecticut
Guadalcanal Diary: "2 X 4"
- Athens boys just keep getting better
Dif Juz: "Out of the Trees"
- gorgeous "organic" (as opposed to syn
thetic) progressive
Compilation: "Lonely Is An Eyesore"
- beautifully packaged 4AD sampler with the
likes of Throwing Muses, Wolfgang Press,
Clan of Xymox, etc.
Richard Toro/John Orsi: "Music for Bass
and    Drumset"
- minimal, incredible, from Boston
Replacements: "Pleased to Meet Me"
- inexhaustible talent and guts
Plan 9: "Sea Hunt"
- from Rhode Island, New Sensibility r 'n' r
The Mighty Lemon Drops: "Out of Hand"
- what Echo and Bunnymen should sound
like
The Vinyl Frontier (Thurs. 5:30-8 p.m.)
RON REYNOLDS REVIEWS THE YEAR 1987
HIGHLIGHTS
1. Ollie North - a true patriot.
2. Americans capture the Iranian Mine
Layer.
3. Americans blow up the Iranian Oil Derrick.
4. Americans attacking Iranians in general.
5. The demise of Gary "your cheating"
Hart.
6. Liberace myth exploded.
7. Alexander Haig announces his candidacy
for Presidency.
8. Free trade comes to the Great White
North. Maybe. If lily-livered Mulroney
has the guts.
9. Canada's boys giving those Russkies a
licking at the World Junior Hockey
Championships. Politicians take note.
The only way to deal with the Bolsheviks'
expansionist policy is to cross
check them back to Moscow.
10. Team Canada's victory in Canada Cup
'87. Better luck next time, Ivan.
FAVORITE SOAPS OF THE STARS
Blaire Petrie - Pears
Plan 9 - Dial
Curious George - Zest
Dave Gregg - Isotope Soap
Rheostatics - Ivory
Carmaig de Forest - liquid soap, the kind you can
slither around on sheets of black plastic.
Colin Upton - Lux
Compiled by Nardwuar the Human Serviette
LOWLIGHTS
1. Glasnost. Russian for B.S.
2. Western Press buys Gorbachev scam.
3. Amerika, the TV series. True patriots would
never surrender to the Bolshies.
4. Direct hit on the S.S. Stark. This means
war!
5. NFL strike didn't last long enough.
They're all overpaid anyway.
6. Bill Casey dies without overthrowing
Managuan menace.
7. Namby-pambys in Ottawa refuse to reinstate
capital punishment. They should all
be hung.
8. Vander Zalm wilts under pinko pressure.
Fails to privatize everything immediately.
9. Contragate. When will somebody admit
that the real villain is the commy-dupe
marxist-manipulated liberal media?
10. The death of Rene Levesque. Any enemy
of Trudeau — the man who single-
handedly destroyed this fine country — is
a friend of mine.
Ron Reynolds is an ex-patriot American who loves
Canada and any other country where freedom is
sacred and there's lots of wild animals to shoot. A
Korean War veteran and successful home-security-system salesman, he is an outspoken critic of
liberals, namby-pambys, dupes, do-gooders, and
bleeding hearts. A longtime CITR editorialist, Ron
voted for B ill Vander Zalm and will continue to do
so. He's slightly overweight and has a red face
which has nothing to do with communism.
JANUARY 1988
13 TOP TEN THINGS OF 1987
1. Got pummelled by eight meathead jocks at
the Arts Club.
2. Got smacked in the head by a wimp accom
panied by three meathead jocks at the Arts
Club.
3. Actually landed a couple of punches in first
altercation.
4. Met Al Waxman at the Arts Club. Gave him
a free pack of mints.
5. Met Martin Mull in Passadena at Don Bull's
graduation (he was attracted to me by my
orange and green banana tuxedo).
6. Saw my first major league ball game and mei
Willie Randolph in the elevator of the
Marriot afterward; complemented him on a
great game, then found out he was on the in
jury list.
7. New food store "Food Stop" opens on
Commercial near Joe's Cafe. As a momento
of my first visit, I purchase a copy of "Easy
Rider" and a bag of popcorn.
8. Life After Bed dies after 4 1/2 years.
9. Hot Pink premieres Monday, November
30th at 6pm.
10. Found out condoms don't come in small,
medium and large.
11. Singlehandedly initiated international
condom giveway fad while clad only in
boxer shorts (outside SUB building). Then
those scum Engineers stole my idea, the
fuckin' weasels.
Garnet Harry
JEROME BROADWAY'S BEST OF 1987
1. Best Movie: "Full Metal Jacket"
2. Best Single: "Big Decision" - That Petrol
Emotion
3. Best Concert Moment: The Pogues (with
Joe Strummer) perform "London Calling"
in the Commodore, December 7th.
4. Best Civil Disaster: A fully loaded
Northwest Orient Airlines MD-80 disinte
grates into a strip of Detroit highway,
killing several commuters and all aboard the
aircraft, save for an infant child.
5. Best Case for booking with a reputable
Travel Agent: 174 Tamils found floating
off the coast of Newfoundland.
6. Best Quote: "I am not a bimbo!" (Jessica
Hahn)
7. Best name of an entrant in a Chili cook-
off: Pit Bowl Chili.
8. Best Big Brother Experience: Undergoing
a drug test in Seattle.
9. Best stupid fashion trend: Anything acid
wash.
10. Best hackneyed cliche: "You're lucky to
have a job," or "At least you're working."
TRIBES & SHADOWS TOP TEN FOR '87
Tribes and Shadows is a one-hour program that
explores ritual, myth and magic, particularly
"exotic" cultural ideas/patterns in relation to
Western forms of thought. Its content ranges
from new musics to the ethnic and exotic.
K1.   John Hassell - "Power Spot" (ECM)
2. Yasuaki Shimuzu - "Music for Commer
cials" (Crammed Disks)
3. John Adams - "The Chairman Dances"
(Nonesuch)
4. Sussan Diehim/Richard Horowitz - "Desert
Equations" (CD.)
5. U2 - "The Joshua Tree"
6. Mark Isham/Jeremy Irons - "The Steadfast
Tin Soldier" (Windham Hill)
7. Meredith Monk - "Do You Be" (ECM)
8. Ornette Coleman - "In All Languages"
(Caravan of Dreams)
9. David Tom - "Cloud About Mercury"
(ECM)
10. Carlos Alomar - "Dream Generator"
(Private Music)
SCENES WE'D LIKE TO SEE: MY SPECIAL MOMENTS, 1987
Like the sign says, below are some of the
highlights provided by the entertainment industry in
1987. Don't be led astray. Anybody who tells you that
none of this is true just doesn't know the meaning of
investigative journalism.
This year's "nervous nellie" must be Doug
Collins, the Hangin' Journalist his own bad self, who
as the unlikely Master of Ceremonies for the Vancouver Folk Music Festival explained he was on "a
mission from God — the right God." Doug actually
did a pretty fair job until he read the Woody Guthrie
inscription on Billy Bragg's guitar and couldn't continue as he feared for his life.
Remember when Thomas Hobbs (florist) and
Valerie Gibson (aging debutante) graced the end page
of Vancouver Magazine with their luncheon chatter?
Save that article — you'll want to reread it for years
to come. Apparently the editors found this exchange
too racy for the Kerrisdale crowd.
TH: Valerie!! What's wrong? You're blushing like a pregnant school marm.
VG: Never use "marm" in front of me, Thomas. And I must confess, I'm a little bashful about
revealing this, but I'm on the guest list for the return
of Fishbone tonite at Graceland, where they've graciously extended an invitation backstage in order to
show me, lime permitting of course, just how to walk
the dog.
TH: Old hat, dear. I've tried it before, and,
frankly, they're not that good. The choreography, I
True to form, Stacey Q. ("Two of Hearts")
insisted that the opening act at her 86 St. concert/
fashion show extravaganza be none other that Country Dick Montana, who took time out from his usual
role as the folk-jazz mystic of the Beat Farmers to
front his beloved fuck-band Snot Fondue. Country
Dick mentioned that although scheduling was tight,
he was simply delighted to oblige, as he had been
thinking of getting out of mac jackets and Miller caps
for a couple of months now and the evening couldn't
help but build confidence in his new direction.
If you're unable to fit a movie into that busy
schedule, but feel out of touch with the silver screen,
relax. I've provided capsule summaries of the best of
cinema in 1987.
SAMMY & ROSIE GET LAID
A moving glimpse of male bonding involving Rosie
Greer, All-Pro defensive end turned FTD man, and
ex-Lion Sammy Greene, doing double duty these
days as slotback and drug addict. The film details
Rosie's attempt to show Sammy that despite his
cocaine problem, he's still a "brother."
DATE WITH AN ANGEL
Based on Lenny Bruce's adaptation of Inferno, this
locally-produced thriller takes us to the abyss that is
the Savoy, where we find Garnet cancelling the Shindig finals and promising a "Jokes for Beer" sixpack to
Joey the Punk if he can entertain us for the rest of the
evening.
CRY, FREEDOM
Worried that he might be responsible for another
Gandhi, director Richard Attenborough went slumming for this film, the zany adventures of a frat-rock
band touring the Midwest with their mascot/manager
Freedom Fiftyfive. It looks bleak when Freedom's
father cancels their line of credit in an Omaha cornfield, but the boys' never-say-die attitude is epitomized by the drummer's stirring address to their
inconsolable manager, "You don't have to cry, Freedom — we can do the show right here!!" It's a
landmark moment in film.
Feel free to quote liberally from these reviews
while at the office or during a break in dinner conversation. People will be amazed at your grasp on the
entertainment world. I hope you had fun in 1987. If
any of these items ring a bell, you probably did. Dress
warmly in 1988, and remember, in the words of CBS
Records, 1968: "THE MAN CAN'T BUST OUR
MUSIC."
Michael Dezell 1987: FAVORITE SURVIVAL
TACTICS
• Question authority: they stammer when they answer. Good source of entertainment.
• Partake in attitude adjusting activities such as
shopping, meditating, doing drugs, seeing a
shrink, laughing, working out.
• Get smart: learn more about AIDS, be sexually
creative.
• Say yes.
• Say no.
• Create money. It's a part of being able to
survive: use whatever means seem most appropriate under prevailing circumstances. Give and
take. Scam.
• Accept fear as part of the deal.
• Eat lots of chocolate.
Denlse Richard
PSYCHIC PREDICTIONS BY MATT "KNOWS
ALL, SEES ALL" RICHARDS
•U2 will disappear in the Bermuda Triangle
• Don Johnson will have his shaver fixed and fall
into obscurity
• Due to an odd series of coincidences Pat Paulsen
will be elected President of the U.S.A.
• Keith Richards will renounce sex, drugs, and
rock & roll, and become a Jesuit Priest causing
registration to go up 243% in the first quarter.
• Michael Jackson will have $400,000 worth of
plastic surgery which will return him to the way he
used to look. He'll then release a record of remixed old hits and call it "Good Boy."
• Maggie Thatcher will make the world book of
records for the size of her hemorrhoids.
• An ex-Rolling Stone staffer will discover the
first 100 issues in a cardboard box tucked away in
his basement making it possible for archaeologists to determine what actually did happen during the sixties.
• Within the next 60 days UFO's will appear over
the White House and abscond with Ronald Reagan. He and they will never be seen again.
• A new Messiah will be discovered in California.
She will be black and base her gospel on interracial marriages. She will be assassinated by a
white male but, wonder of wonders, she will rise
up from the dead, thereby preventing a catastrophic inter-racial/inter-sexual war. Her philosophy shall then bring peace to the earth for five
thousand years.
PREDICTIONS FOR 1988
I predict all the predictors will predict what they
want to predict. You will laugh at their dumb
stupid predictions, and completely disagree with
them. In fact, what you're doing is predicting
yourself. With that in mind, you should make
predictions before a predictor forces you to predict something you do not want to. Here are my
predictions:
1. Huge newspaper headlines will again
become popular. I mean huge ones with
giant black print!
2. hjkhjlkhjklhjklhjklhjklhjklkjhhjklhjhjkl
hjkhjkhjklhjklllkjhlkjhhjklghjklhjkllkjh
3. Roman Numerals will come back in style.
Nardwuar the Human Serviette
Your ear to the underground.
disorder
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JAN. 1-7
THE MOST HIGHLY ACCLAIMED
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JAN. 8-13
THE 1988 GENIE AWARDS
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The Life and Death of
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A FILM BY PAUL COX
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"The more I think it over,
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—Vincent, in a letter
to his brother Theo
Courtesy of KLM Royal Dutch Airlines
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JANUARY 1988
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Well, another year's gone by with
vultures like me just watching and
waiting for the first glimmers of
an emerging new teen-hard-music-craze for the 490's (after all, I was too young and
in the wrong suburb for punk, and will be too old for
what comes next). So far there hasn't been much sign
of it locally in 1987 (at least in part because Slow
broke up in late '86), and the nearest thing I've seen
in touring bands must be Firehose and the Butthole
Surfers.
So what has happened this past year? Well,
besides starting graduate school, adopting a kitten,
and finally getting my turn signals fixed, I've heard
The Hoodoo Gurus, Grapes of Wrath, Northern
Pikes, Iggy Pop, REM and, of course, U2 (among
others) make the big transition to my Demon's AM
radio. I was converted to the church of the Butthole
Surfers (okay, so what if I had my fingers over my
eyes half the time?), and was an active fan at gigs by
Redd Kross, Sonic Youth, The Screaming Sirens,
Mr. T. Experience, The Dead Milkmen, The
Cowboy Junkies, and, as always, The Young Fresh
Fellows (to name but a few).
The Canadian Independent Music Festival
was so successful that people around here said next
year it'd be the International Independent Music
Festival, for unfortunately for bands and music fans
across the country, Cattle Prod broke up shortly
afterwards. The Groovaholics, Zealots, Love Club
and Animal Slaves (almost) also disintegrated in '87,
while the Enigmas reformed for the Zulu Revue in
the spring and then sparked rumours of a real reunion
by playing a couple more gigs after. As for the Subhumans — well, I never saw them back in their heyday, but their show in July had what looked like every
local musician with "punk credibility" slamming and
stage-diving and made me feel wildly sentimental for
what I had missed.
A few things that lots of us thought would
happen this past year didn't. For instance, Art
Bergmann isn't world famous yet (although I hear
he's just been signed to Duke Street Records) A
Merry Cow's record isn't out yet (but I've seen the
cover art and it's great!), and CITR still hasn't been
given permission to go high(er) power.
Here are the names of a few artists who had
demos at the station (and in this column) in 1987:
A Merry Cow - Pete Archer - Biff Hackett
(The Young Adults) - Cannon Heath Down - Chemistry Set (from Seattle) - The Crash Dummies - Crypt
Kicker 5 (also from Seattle) - Decline of the English
Murder - 5 On A Date (from Victoria) - Five Year
Fuck - Flammable Animal - The Highliners (from
London, England) - The Hip Type - Ralph Cameron
Johnston - The Kingpins (now Nervous Fellas) - The
Last Corvairs - Love Club - Monuments Galore - The
Now Feeling (from Calgary) - The Paladins - The
Rainwalkers (originally The Void) - Renegade Raspberry Retaliation (from Northampton) - Retinal Circus - Roots Roundup - Silent Gathering - The Sons of
Freedom - Stubborn Blood - Technotribe - X Four -
Tree of Plenty - Ultramarine - The Wardells (from
Victoria),
(my apologies to those misspelled or left out!)
As for local truly independent records that
came out (i.e., without major label distribution or
anything like it) some were by:
Bamff - Bob's Your Uncle - Cannon Heath
Down - Family Plot - The Hip Type - No Means No
- Oversoul Seven.
And here's my personal kind of short and dull
Best and Worst list (since Julia didn't help me this
year):
Best Gig - The Butthole Surfers (whichever time you
were most stoned, and didn't have to stand too long in
line to get in. Not to be confused with Most Danceable Gig).
Worst Gig - Choose one (and remember, how good
the band was is irrelevant): a) Anything at B.C. Place,
b) Anything at 86 Street, c) Anything at Thunderbird
Arena.
Best Musical Trend (or is it my imagination?) -
Playing loud! (again)
Worst Musical Trend - Bands that just stand there
looking like they wish they could be in a nice safe
studio somewhere.
Most Unbelievable Piece of Legislation to be
voted on soon in the House of Commons - Bill C54,
the "anti-pornography" bill that would not only limit
access to sex-education, but make it illegal to look al
a photograph portraying both an exposed female
breast and a person under 18. (So much for
breastfeeding!) janjs
So, happy new year, and don't forget to go to
lots of gigs and write your MP!
JANUARY 1988
19 t's safe to say we get way more than twenty new
records a week at CITR. Yes, some of them
wander in totally misdirected (the latest Fleetwood Mac album for instance), but for the most
part, there's usually someone around who's intrigued
enough to give at least a brief listen. Sometimes very
brief. Suffice it to say, we don't come close to reviewing everything in Discorder Magazine. Such is the
nature of this magazine you're holding. It's woefully
incomplete. If this is news to you, we apologize.
Nevertheless, we do try at Discorder (and that's what
really matters, isn't it?). In the past year, some fifty-
odd albums, tapes, etc. received some sort of critical
notice in the magazine. What follows, then, is a flashback.
XTC/Skylarklng
The strange thing is that even though it sounds like
1968, it is far more interesting than most of the stuff
that was floating across the airwaves in those heady
days.
NEW ORDER/Brotherhood
By God, there's even a bit of mirth, a little laughter to
bring us all back from the dead (no Joy, however).
NURSE WITH WOUND/Spiral Insana
Thankfully, Mr. Stapleton has no academic musical
training. This means that he is free to traipse through
the psyche and incorporate any deviant notion that
strikes his fancy.
20 DISCORDER
COURAGE OF LASSIE/The Temptation to Exist
The darkness evokes resignation rather than depression; the brightness evokes courage rather than happiness.
NOMEANSNO/Sex Mad
Sex Mad is about what happens when you live at home
with your parents for loo long. It's about what happens
when you go out with too many unstable women. It's
about what happens when life sucks.
THE THE/I nfected
He's flexing his musical biceps with stuff that ends up
being very commercial, but full of nasty little goodies.
COLIN NEWMAN/Commercial Suicide
Picture this: a middle aged Mr. Newman with hemorrhoids taking his long awaited creative shit expecting
the usual solid pop mass, but appearing instead is the
dreaded droning drip drip leading to early retirement.
But I do like this album ...
SNFU/lf You Swear, You'll Catch No Fish
This is the type of music that your neighbors will
continue to scream over (remember when your older
brother started that trend with his KISS albums?).
THE BEASTIE BOYS/Llcensed to III
The deal is, you see, that their lyrics are the completely
standard sexist ravings of three young apparently not
loo bright would-be rock gods who want only to party.
VARIOUS ARTISTS/Potatoes
Everybody here takes liberties with the folk idiom, to
varying degrees, but surprise! it's actually listenable.
DEAD CAN DANCE
Within the Realm of a Dying Sun
The music projects strong images of tall abandoned
gothic towers with ghost-like silhouettes slinking
through webbed hallways. SAMANTHA FOX/Touch Me
I put this in my comedy album section.
CRIMINAL ELEMENT ORCHESTRA
Put the Needle to the Record
Stretch your under-used surrealist imagination into
sensing what it would be like to be an organic drum
kit.
NUMB/Blue Light
Industrial grunge. The kerrang! of heavy steel, the
digital rhythms of machine intelligence. But wait.
There're melodies slinking around in the mix (hints of
them, anyway).
LAST EXIT/The Noise of Trouble (Live In Tokyo)
When it works, it's a kick to the head. When it doesn't,
though, it's simply in trouble.
MANTRONIX/Muslc Madness
If the Beastie Boys play sophomoric jinks to entertain
pre-pubescent teens, then Mantronix play gritty hip
hop blues for beaniks. They're just too damn cool to
be numero uno on the hit parade.
t
GRACE JONES/lnslde Story
It is no exaggeration to call this the dullest record of
the year, even if it is only February.
CONDITION/Red, Hot and Blue
The problem is inherent in the whole concept behind
the band. It seems anchored in a nostalgia for a time
and place neither I nor the band lived through, if it ever
existed. It just doesn't click.
MOTORHEAD/Orgasmatron
The result is a skull-crunching, brain-sucking, ear-
slicing assault that must be heard to be understood.
HUSKER DU/Warehouse: Songs and Stories
They still sound fresh and somewhat novel as they
continue to map out the territory of hard-edged pop.
GO FOUR 3/Slx Friends
a) Steve Quinn knows how to write great pop songs,
b) time in the studio is always well spent, and c) they
have progressed greatly since their eponymous 1985
EP.
	
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2328 W. 4«h AVE. 733-5822 WIRE/The Ideal Copy
They have picked up exactly where they left off. That
it sounds fresh and contemporary is evidence enough
of the group having been an influential force in its later
days.
THE LOUNGE LIZARDS/No Pain for Cakes
Marginally eccentric music such as this may not be to
everyone's taste, but then neither are caviar and single
malt whiskey.
STYLE COUNCIL/The Cost of Living
This is ihe man who broke up The Jam at their peak
because he didn't want them to end up like The Who
or The Stones, an outdated dinosaur. Can he have
changed? Can he keep his principles and social conscience deliberately suppressed?
D.O.A./True (North), Strong & Free
This album has a point of view that only Canadians
could have. Despite many economic factors, we stand
outside the superpowers and possess a more removed
attitude than many other nations. D.O.A. show that
you can do this and formulate a coherent world view
without becoming aloof.
RITA McNEIL/Flying on Your Own
Probably too mellow for the tastes of CITR listeners,
but nevertheless a creditable effort which will give
well-deserved recognition to this hard-working, big-
hearted woman.
RUDY SCHWARTZ PROJECT
Bowling for Appliances
Check out this unique tape if you still have a sense of
humour and appreciate the cultural contributions of
Ernest Borgnine.
MARK STEWART & MAFFIA
Mark Stewart & Maffia
There are places where you could be incarcerated for
listening to this music. It is subversive. It hums, it
scratches, it pumps. It is difficult. It is not easy
listening.
OVERSOUL SEVEN/Fool Revelation
I hope that the boys fall in love or get high on chocolate
or have great sex before they write their next songs;
this album must have been written through some
rotten relationships. Lighten up, guys!
THE CULT/Electric
The Cult are to Led Zeppelin what Glass Tiger are to
U2, what the Alarm are to The Clash, what Skinny
Puppy are to Einsturzende Neubauten, Dan Hill to
Bob Dylan, Bryan Adams to Bruce Springsteen,
Ronald Reagan to John Wayne, Gary Hart to John F.
Kennedy, Jim Jones to Jesus Christ. The word is
UNNECESSARY.
JOHN FRENCH, FRED FRITH ETC.
Live, Larf and Loaf
The total effect is like... I'm reaching here ... what if
Syd Barrett formed a group with Jeff Beck and called
it Pogue Floyd?
REM/Document
REM are consistent. Every year they put out a brand
new full length LP that has a solid EP's worth of
essential music on it.
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Washington Squares
The final major flaw with the disk is that there is not
one truly memorable track. Not a tunc that lodges in
your brain, nagging you to play it again and again
because you can't get enough.
BILL BRUFORD/Earthworks
This album is titillating in its vision, colour and
performance (sorry kiddies, no vocals).
MARIANNE FAITHFULL/Strange Weather
Sharpen your razor blades, roll up your sleeves, dim
the lights and put this album on. If you survive the first
cut, it'll grow on you.
YELLO/One Second
Personally, I can't think of too many things more
boring than listening to the refrigerated rhythms of
Yello on One Second.
MEREDITH MONK/Do You Be
Monk's wordless chanting-singing has enough spiritual balls to transcend you to the next plane.
mm.
X
Top Spin.
For your dance, get
CiTR Mobile Sound
228-3017
used a old;
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THURSDAY
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THE Pi*
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Top Spin.
For your dance, get
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JANUARY 1988 23 Ar\Y
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Ktonos Quartet
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FAMILY PLOT
TONY BIRD
.THE ROGUE FOLK CLUB
RHYTHM MISSION
NEW YEARS EVE PARTY with
*      THE JAZZMANIAN DF.VILS
includes party favours, food, fun, ...825.00 per person
THE SAVOY NIGHTCLUB     6 POWELL ST.
687-0418
|
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*
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"Lamb on a Spit our Specialty"
DAILY SPECIALS FOR
LUNCH AND DINNER
Try our unique menu, including
•Tzanziki, Melitzano, Houmos
•Spanakotiropita, Saganaki, Lukaniko
•Souvlakia, Mousaka, Kalamaria
•And much, much more!
•Plus... pizza
• Pasta also a specialty
Mon. - Sat. 11 a.m. to 1 a.m.
Sunday to Midnight
TAKE OUT • CATERING • WEDDINGS
ANNIVERSARIES • BIRTHDAYS
FREE DELIVERY
Phone for Reservations:
736-2118 / 736-9442
2272 West 4th Ave., Kitsilano
*******************
—Imported Music/Tour
Posters
—Celebrity Posters
—Unique Prints
—T-Shirts/Cards
& much, much more.
* «
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1
Step
Beyond
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NEW SHIPMENT ARRIVED
235 CAMBIE — MEZZANINE LEVEL
50 ft. south of Gastown Steamclock OnTheDial
WEDNESDAYS
WEEKDAY HIGHLIGHTS
MONDAYS
RANDOM DESIGNS
7:30-10:00 am
"Can you catch exploding bunnies from hell?
What do you, do with them once you catch them?
Do you care?" A show for apathetic fur-bearing
humanoids. Join Melissa for your weekly dose
of superficiality.
SOUP OF THE DAY
11:00 am-1:00 pm
If you can swallow this, you'll be ready for the
real world, but then again... it might make you
sick. . . you'll never be ready! —Prison Cook:
Captain K.
CRAPSHOOT
5:30-6:00 pm
Insightful political discourse and acid-tongued
debate fill the airwaves every week as members
of UBC's Liberal, Conservative and NDP clubs
discuss the events of the day. Keeping it all in
perspective is moderator Ed Sapulvida.
THE JAZZ SHOW
9:00-12:30 am
Vancouver's longest-running prime time Jazz
program, featuring all the classic players, the
occasional interview, and local music news.
Hosted by the ever-suave Gavin Walker.
ENVIRONMENTAL SCATOLOGY
12:30-4:00 am
Ever tasted blood?... Ever run your hand through
warm guts?... Well I have... don't feel like nothin.'
TUESDAYS
PEST CONTROL
11:00-1:00 pm
Welcome to the Roach Motel. I'm Jerome Broadway, the caretaker. Don't mind those ugly, multi-
legged hairy creatures crawling up your leg.
They're just Mother's pests. Igor! Crank up the
music!
BLOOD ON THE SADDLE
1:00-3:00 pm
Every Tuesday, music to scrape the cowshit off
your boots to.
THE ORAL DAVE RADIO SHOW
3:00-5:00 pm
—There are no quick and easy answers—
RECTAL RECTITUDE
5:30-8:00 pm
My limp body was covered with the excrement
of a thousands dogs—my brain had been soaked in the urine from 100 pus-infested penises—
my toenails had been peeled off and paint stripper brushed on the naked flesh—my nostrils had
been stuffed with decaying flesh—my ears had
been plugged with the sounds of screeching
pigs—at last I had become an American—true,
strong and FREE.
THE CLASSICAL SHOW
7:30-10:00 am
A variety of musical styles ranging from the early Medieval to the 20th Century. All styles will be
discussed with historical importance. Requests
taken. Hosted by Wolfgang J. Ehebald.
* PAULA TAKES LIBERTIES
1:00-5:00 pm
Shut up, I've got a hangover.
THE LIONS DEN
5:15-5:30 pm
Neil Davis will interview players, coaches and
special guests on The Lion's Den. There will also
be a trivia contest, the prizes being gift certificates for the Fogg 'n Suds Restaurant.
THE AFRICAN SHOW
8:00-9:30 pm
The latest in modern African dance music plus/
minus a few oldie but greats and extras. Your way
we come every Wednesday at 8:00. Information
—News as they come at 8:30 pm. Possible
special features at 9:00. Your host: Umerah P.
Onukwulu. Welcome.
THURSDAYS
ANOTHER KIND OF WEDNESDAY
7:30-10:00 am
Ever feel like you've slept-in 24 hours too long?
Maybe this Killpigge fellow inhabits his own time
zone, or universe for that matter.
FINE LINES
10:00-11:00 am
STACY'S SHOW
1:00-3:00 pm
What will happen will happen!
GREEK WEEKLY REPORT
5:15-5:30 pm
Brothers Pi, Gamma and Delta will be bringing
you all the information on what is happening inside the Greek Society at UBC. Everything from
sports & social information to the Greek tune of
the week, as well as the Greek personal columns
will be heard each week.
THE VINYL FRONTIER
5:30-8:00 pm
The Spinlist will never be the same again! Tune
in. Turn on. Drop out.
THE CAN-CON JOB
9:00-11:00 pm
Two hours of current Canadian acts with a marked propensity to play local bands. Hosted by
Deded the Dedhed.
EXHIBITIONISM
Midnight-3:30 am
Wrap Scotch tape around your head. It's fun and
works as a good facial. (For best results leave
on 3V2 Hrs.)
Matt Richards — Plastic Fashion
FRIDAYS
FRIDAY MORNING MAGAZINE
7:30-10:30 am
The re-emergence of New Souls. Sacred Dates,
Times, Points in History. Overthrowing history.
Plus what's going on in Vancouver.
TRIBES AND SHADOWS
10:30-11:30 am
A program that explores "New Consciousness."
Dreams, myths, cultures and rituals all take context, bridging the gap between Dark and Light.
Featuring the innovative, the eclectic and the stirring diversities inherent in the musical fabric of
our world. Hosted by Kirby Hill.
EXPO '66
1:00-2:30 pm
MIDTOWN (UPI)—Expo '66 Chairman Dean Paul
Kennedy announced a concrete opening date for
the world's fair. "We're right on track, everything
is go-ahead for opening day, January 1 at 1:00
p.m." Kennedy, son of entertainer/politician Dean
Kennedy, is also host of the CITR radio pavillion.
"Until the first, stay tuned Fridays at 1:00 for updates. This will be one kick-ass world's fair,"
added the young swinger.
NARDWUAR THE HUMAN
SERVIETTE PRESENTS...
2:30-3:00 pm
By now you out there in radio land must be
wondering what the Nardwuar Show is all about;
however, I'm sure there's a substantial number
of the populace who don't care and just want to
get on with their lives. (I admire their determination.) Well anyways, in the past months we have
talked to local and international rock stars, tried
to stimulate your body, and played about 8 songs.
Tune in, tune out in 1988. You are in control.
01 Jan. What you do on New Year's Day you
do all year round. Nardwuar and Cleopatra Von Flufflestein help you realize this fact.
29 Jan. Northwest Rock in the 1960s, a special look at those bands that inspired
Cleo to hiss.
THE WAY WE SEE IT
5:30-6:00 pm
Join the CITR News Staff as they discuss a week
of events and issues, causes and consequences.
Learn all there is to know about a world of happenings, as each reporter gives story details and
discusses its implications.
INTERFERENCE
6:00-9:00 pm
The choice of bankers everywhere. With your
host Gerald McBoingboing.
CRACK RHYTHM
9:00-midnight
A large, messy, enigmatically entertaining eve-
ing program, highlighting the hefty sounds of
exotic beats and the malicious chunk of modern
funk, with constant and current info on the Vancouver alternative music scene supplied by those
who should know. Hastily hosted by Robert Shea.
JANUARY 1988 27 LOUIS LOUIS
Midnight-4 am
TOP 20 FOR '87:
Jazzmanian Devils Bamff
Family Plot Terminal City
Sons Of Freedom Redemption
Bob's Your Uncle Poisoned
Rhythm Mission The Four Ones
Snakefinger - The Venue (Mar)
Mojo Nixon/Skid Roper - The Venue (Apr)
Viv Akauldren - The Savoy (May)
Hunters & Collectors - Club Soda (Jun)
Wire - Town Pump (Jun)
Julian Cope - Town Pump (Jul)
Sons Of Freedom - Luv-A-Fair (Aug)
Monuments Galore - The Savoy (Aug)
Rhythm Mission - The Savoy (Oct)
Family Plot - The Venue (Nov)
JAZZMANIAN DEVILS - THE SAVOY (31 DEC)
WEEKEND HIGHLIGHTS
SATURDAYS
THE SATURDAY EDGE
8:00 am-noon
Host Steve Edge continues to present the best
in acoustic/roots/folk music on CITR. Scheduled features include classic British comedy from
"Beyond the Fringe," the Cambridge Footlights
Show which led to all the major cult comedy
shows in the old country (around 9 a.m. every
week), the Compleat Monty Python TV shows
(serialized at 11:45), The Edge on Soccer at 11:30,
with all the latest scores, scorers and match
reports from England and Scotland, and The
Edge on Folk's weekly feature at 10:00.
POWER CHORD
Noon-3:00 pm
Vancouver's only true metal show, featuring the
underground alternative to mainstream metal:
local demo tapes, imports and other rarities, plus
album give-aways.
WE BE BOTANISTS
3:00-6:00 pm
There are certain hazards in having knowledge
of taxonomic identification of mushrooms: "I
never met a Psilocybe I didn't like. Or consume,
for that matter. Uh, could someone help get all
these spiders off me?"
—Botanist Grant just prior to treatment.
SATURDAY EVENING MAGAZINE
6:00-6:30 pm
Featuring news, sports, weather, Insight, Generic
Review, Today in History, Across the Atlantic.
THE MEAN TIME
6:30-9:00 pm (sometimes)
"Spectator sport is a ludicrous idea. So is sifting through a jillion guitar-quartet albums, trying
to find some decent music. Wish me luck."
P. Funk
NOCTURNES
Approx. 10:15-midnight (after UBC Sports
Broadcasts) - otherwise 9:00 pm-midnight
"Anyone with even the briefest exposure to today's commercial music industry can't escape
the realization that this is an area which has been
completely subverted by Satan.. ."
—Jimmy Swaggart, Music: The New Pornography 1:3
—Zealous Stylus: Paul C.
TUNES 1*' US
Midnight-4:00 am
The incredible music show from two uncredible
people. Join us for four hours of fun and foolishness. But mostly music! The long-awaited
'covers' show will finally happen on January 23!
SUNDAYS
MUSIC OF OUR TIME
8:00-Noon
Modern 20th Century classical music ranging
from the tonal to the avant-garde. Commentary
on the historical, technical and latest fashions
with regards to all genres. Requests taken. Your
host, Wolfgang J. Ehebald.
THE ROCKERS SHOW
Noon-3:00 pm
Reggae, Rock Steady and Ska. At 1:30, Reggae
Beat International Hour: news and interviews
about Reggae music worldwide. Host: George
Barrett.
ROCKIN' RELIGION
3:00-3:30 pm
Preachin' Blues, Gospel Rock, Religious R'n'B,
Jesus Rock and the Devil's music too. With your
hosts, Lochlan Murray and Reverend Rob.
BLUES BLUES BLUES
3:30-5:00 pm
Delta Blues, Post War Urban Blues, Boogie
Blues, Honky Tonk Blues, Rockabilly Blues,
Psychedelic Blues, Blues Rock, Punk Blues &
even that laid-back Contemporary Blues shit.
Hosted by Robert Zepeski or Lochlan Murray.
SOUL CITY
5:00-6:00 pm
With your hosts Rob Z. or Lochlan Murray.
JUST LIKE WOMEN/
ELECTRONIC SMOKE SIGNALS
6:30-9:00 pm
03 Jan.     ELECTRONIC   SMOKE   SIGNALS:
Interview with Bill Simmons of the International Indian Treaty Council; Review of "Our
Common Future" (Brundtland Commission Report); Coverage of the NDP Aboriginal Rights
Conference of November 1987.
8:00 p.m.: Inter-Campus Native Student News.
10 Jan.    JUST LIKE WOMEN: News and music
by and for women.
17 Jan.     ELECTRONIC   SMOKE   SIGNALS:
World overview of the nuclear industry
after Chernobyl; uranium mining in northern
Saskatchewan and B.C.; nuclear submarines in
the Arctic.
8:00 p.m.: Inter-Campus Native Student News.
24 Jan.    JUST LIKE WOMEN: Music and news
by and for women.
31 Jan.     6:30-9:30 p.m.
ELECTRONIC SMOKE SIGNALS:
Feature report on land rights struggles and the
ecological crisis in Mexico and Central America.
PLAYLOUD/THIS IS NOT A TEST
9:00 pm-Midnight
"The void beyond the planes where chaos reigns
and form abideth not." Abdul Alhazred
Aural surgery performed by Larry Thiessen.
^APT/} 6£TS F£b-0P
^T^UJ
n-
28 DISCORDER r—cinnR
7:30
8:00
9:00
10:00
11:00
12:00
1:00
2:00
3:00
4:00
5:00
6:00
7:00
8:00 -
9:00
10:00 -
11:00 -
12:00
1:00 -
2:00'
3:00
4:00
MONDAY TUESDAY       WEDNESDAY      THURSDAY FRIDAY
I
RANDOM
DESIGNS
SOUP OF
THE DAY
NEWS, SPORTS, WEATHER GENERIC REVIEW,   INSIGHT
THE
JENNIFER CHAN
SHOW
PEST
CONTROL
THE
CLASSICAL
SHOW
ANOTHER KIND
OF WEDNESDAY
FINE LINES
FRIDAY
MORNING
MAGAZINE
TRIBES AND
SHADOWS
Joanna Graystone
CITR NEWS, SPORTS, WEATHER
BLOOD ON
THE SADDLE
ORAL
DAVE
THE
PT.L
SHOW*
STACEYS
SHOW
PARTY WITH
ME, PIERRE
& JACQUES!
EXPO '66
NARDWUAR
Peter
Courtemanche
NEWS, SPORTS, WEATHER  GENERIC REVIEW, INSIGHT, DAILY FEATURE
CRAPSHOOT
MORE
DINOSAURS
THE
JAZZ
SHOW
ENVIRONMENTAL
SCATOLOGY
RECTAL
RECTITUDE
STUFF
JUST
SAY NO!
AURAL
TENTACLES
KATHY DAY
THE
AFRICAN
SHOW
PERMANENT
CULTURE
SHOCK
THE
VINYL FRONTIER
TOP OF
THE BOPS
THE
CAN-CON
JOB
EXHIBITIONISM
THE WAY
WE SEE IT
3DN3U3JJI31NI
CRACK
RHYTHM
LOUIS
LOUIS
[
WEEKDAY REPORTS
SATURDAY REPORTS
8:00
10:00
1:00
3:00
5:00
MAJOR NEWS/SPORTS
NEWSBRIEF
NEWSBREAK
NEWSBRIEF
MAJOR NEWS/SPORTS
Noon MAJOR NEWS/SPORTS
6:00 SATURDAY EVENING
MAGAZINE
FM102
SATURDAY SUNDAY
THE
SATURDAY
EDGE
POWER
CHORD
WE BE
BOTANISTS
SAT. MAGAZINE
THE
MEAN
TIME
NOCTURNES
TUNES
T?'
US
MUSIC
OF
OUR
TIME
THE
ROCKERS
SHOW
ROCKIN'
RELIGION
BLUES, BLUES,
BLUES
SOUL CITY
SUNDAY MAG.
JUST LIKE
WOMEN/
ELECTRONIC
SMOKE SIGNALS
PLAYLQUD/
THIS IS
NOT A TEST
SUNDAY REPORTS
10:00 VAN. NEW MUSIC CALENDAR
Noon NEWS
6:00 SUNDAY MAGAZINE
JANUARY 1988
29 TEN THINGS THAT ARE
WORTH KNOWING ABOUT
CITR AND DISCORDER
1. 1987 MARKS  THE  FIFTIETH YEAR OF
UBC RADIO.
CiTR didn't come into being
because a couple of years ago a bunch
of UBC students decided, hey!, let's
form a punk rock radio station. No,
the idea goes back much further than
that. Though the call letters
themselves go back less than fifteen
years, UBC Radio's been pumping out
some kind of signal since before the
last BIG war. So what you're
listening to these days is the result
of an evolution which has necessarily
involved a number of different
attitudes and directions. And oh yeahi
people as well. John Turner for
instance, and Senator Ray Perrault. So
watch out if you're one of those people
who think we're open game for slagging.
You might never know what hit you.
2. CiTR IS  NOT COMPRISED ENTIRELY OF
TRENDY ASSHOLES WITH WEIRD HAIRCUTS.
Hardly any of us have weird
haircuts.
3. MOST PEOPLE COULD IMPROVE THEIR
RECEPTION OF CiTR IF THEY WOULD ONLY
PUT A LITTLE EFFORT INTO IT.
It can be as inexpensive as
hooking a clothes hanger up to the back
of your receiver, as easy as walking
casually down to Radio Shack and
purchasing a splitter for your cable
connector (if you're intimidated by
technology, ask a friend to help).
Better yet, just yank the cable from
your TV and plug it into your receiver
and leave it there. Everybody knows TV
causes permanent brain damage. If you
don't have cable, and you live too far
away, then get cable installed. Yes,
it's worth fifteen bucks a month, just
to get CiTR. If you can't afford
fifteen bucks a month, run over to your
neighbours and splice into their-
W^ * iiilnliniUjji  iubimiwiuLuj
rrJTTT
—ytf>
it's T-lrueX
4. INCREASED POWER FOR CiTR' S
BROADCAST SIGNAL IS SIGNIFICANTLY MORE
THAN JUST A PIPE DREAM.
- - or you could just wait
patiently a few more months and see
what happens with our latest
application to the CRTC for increased
power. Yes, we have been harping on
about this possibility for years, but
we've also been working at it (some of
us anyway). "Persistence moves
mountains," somebody famous once said.
All we want to do is move a few
bureaucrats' fingers.
5.   CiTR
COMMUNISTS.
HAS
BEEN  INFILTRATED  BY
We don't know where they came
from, how they got in or even who they
are, but have no illusions. The
ultimate end goal underlying all of
CiTR's programming objectives is the
installation of a world totalitarian
Marxist regime with no religious
freedom, no press freedom, no punk rock
or Mozart (but lots of heavy metal).
6.   SOMETIMES WE
IN DISCORDER.
LIE QUITE BLATANTLY
If you believe everything you
read, you really are a dangerous
person. If you believe anything you
read, you're still suspect. "If it
makes you laugh, it's true. But you
haven't understood it until it makes
you cry." (somebody famous).
7. ANY CONNECTION(S) BETWEEN
DISCORDER'S PHILOSOPHIES AND THOSE OF
THE DISCORDIAN RELIGION ARE PURELY
COINCIDENTAL.
The problem is, one of the prime
tenets of Discordian theology is that
there's no such thing as coincidence.
No bullshit. We are not making this
up. If you want to know more about
Discordianism (and about what's really
going on in the world), we suggest you
read anything by Robert Anton Wilson
(or any of his friends), particularly
"The Illuminatus Trilogy". The fact
that it's enormously difficult to find
this book anywhere should be proof
enough of its validity.
8. THE BEST PLACE  TO READ DISCORDER
IS IN THE WASHROOM.
Each issue is painstakingly
designed to be read in brief three to
seven minute spurts. Also, given the
way our ink runs, it helps to be near a
sink.
9. WE REALLY  DO TRY AT CITR AND
DISCORDER.
"Our strength as individuals comes
from working together to figure things
out so we can actually do something
(what a concept 1) with all our energy
and our politics and our radicalism.
"Cause if we won't even listen to each
other, then the conservatives and the
oppressors who've got the power
structure on their side will win after
all and we'll all be dead. Think about
that the next time you growl down
Granville." (excerpt from Wallflower No
Mora's April Airhead letter) She/he
was very pleased with our magazine, and
what it appeared we were trying to
accomplish with it. A belated Thankyou
very much, Wallflower. Not for the
praise so much as for the clarity of
thinking. If Discorder does have such
goals, they're unconcious ones. To be
honest, our main concern with this rag
is to crank out at least twenty-four
interesting pages per month (that have
at least some connection with the
affiliated radio station); and, of
course, to have fun in doing so. Fun
is the key word. There's certainly not
enough money or reward to justify the
effort. If, on. occasion, we get overly
indulgent or just plain obnoxious,
please just close your eyes.
10.  CiTR IS  A
ITS COMMUNITY.
RESPONSIBLE MEMBER OF
Most of the time. Speaking of
which, we're presenting a couple of
gigs at Graceland at the end of
December. The Red Hot Chili Peppers
are playing two nights - - the 30th and
a special New Years bash on the 31st.
Have a decent 1988.
The Editor
30
DISCORDER STARTS DECEMBER 25TH
f!
TOP 10 OF 1987"
TAN CADDELL, GEORGIA STRAIGHT
Nick Nolte
WEEDS
Feel what it's like from the inside.
"Fiinnyr
-ttx Rm4, AT THE MOVIES
'Inspirational!'
-Jnwft Hwlin, NEW YORK TIMES
"Terrificr
-Judith Crist, WWOK-TV
WARNING COARSE LANGUAGE THROUGHOUT.
SOME NUDITY. SUGGESTIVE SCENES AND VKXENCE
(BC DKECTORJ
Unusual, bawdy, surprisingly lively odyssey of a convict who
forms a theatrical troupe that travels cross-country, with Nick
Nolte a possible Oscar contender.
MIDNIGHT
PINK
FLOYD
THE
WALL
$8.50 ADVANCE
$10.00 AT DOOR
3 THE WHO
WARNING:  COARSE LANGUAGE
AND VIOLENT SCENES.
TRIPLE FEATURE! DEC. 31ST cms*
SHAKESPEARE
FESTIVAL
SUNDAYS 1:30
ADMISSION $4.50
SENIORS    CHILDREN    $3.00
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PAUL SCOFIELD
.PCTTR BROOK'S
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JANUARY 24TH
JANUARY 31ST
OLIVIER
OTHELLO
AN ACTUAL PERFORMANCE OF THE NATIONAL THEATRCQF GREAT BRITAIN
Taylor .^
BURTOt
FEBURARY7TH°FTHE S*—^
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MACBETH
JOHN FINCH
FEBRUARY
14TH
JULIUS CAESAR
MARLON BRANDO    JOHN GJELGUD
JAMES MASON       LOUIS CALHERN
EDMONDO'BRIEN     GREER GARSON
DEBORAH KERR
MARCH 6TH
FEBRUARY  21ST
LAURENCE
OLIVIER
"HENRY V"
Romeo —
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Milo O'Shea.
FEBRUARY
28TH
Richard IU (1956) — Laurence Olivier
makes Shakespeare's "son of hell" such a
magnetic, chilling, amusing monster that
the villainy arouses an almost immoral delight. As director and star, Olivier succeeds
with the soliloquies as neither he nor anyone else ever did on film before
RICHARD III
LAURENCE OUVIER
CLAIRE BLOOM
RALPH RICHARDSON
JOHN GIELGUD
MARCH 13TH
1
LAURENCE OLIVIER
Oiivier's Oedipol. melancholic Done, despite sorr
cuts, stands unrivaled as exhilarating Shakespeon
stunning cinema, Oscar winner tor Best Picture ond Best Actor.
Jean Simmons, Eileen Herlie, Bosil Sydney, Felix Aylmer. (19481
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1
MARCH 20TH
Studio Glnema
DOWNTOWN • GRANVILLE ATSMITHE
ON THEATRE ROW AT 919 GRANVILLE
INFO (24 HRS) 681-1732/OFFICE 681-3847 o*
DO
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C. ENTERPRISE HALL ON
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