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Michel Reporter 1909-10-02

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VOL. 2.
NO. ~2
Toilet Lotions
a«4 Cold Creams
Superior preparations for the care of chapped, hands,  all
roughness and redness of.the skin, tan, sunburn etc.
Non-Greasy and Readily Absorbed
Allays the effects of Fall! Winds
Imperial Bank of Canacla
Head OffifcV TORONTO
Capital Authorized $10,000,000
Capital Paid Op $5,000,000.'    •-:.    ; Reserve Fund 1(5,000,000
Interest allowed on Deposits from Date of Deposit
Drafts, Money Orders and Letters of Credit Issued,' available, in
 —    Any part of tiie World   7. ;	
Branches at Mlohel and Neyit Michel.     T. B, BAKER, Manager
41 Meat market Ltci 41
High-c|ass Butchers
New Michel
,-'■■■.•'   ■■'• .'''.'.' I
All meat fresh killed—Prime Beef, Pork, an.dMutto^
Dairy Butter.    Mild-cured Hams and Bacon—Fish
,' 7 '      in Season
The Store, Where- They Send What Yoq  Order
2     Deliveries   Daily     2
At the Big Store
Special Showing of Women's Misses and Children's
Fall and Winter /VHJlinery
Exclusive Novelties from Fashion's Centres, including Pattern Hats from
London, New York and Paria.' In Children's Heiwhvear we are allowing
a-wide range1 of Silk Embroidered, Girded Silk,.Velvets and Bparskia in
white and colors.   Drop }n and see thp new stylos. '      %   . n
Latest Novelties in Women's Knitted Coat Sweaters, all cplorsand  newest styles."        . . :''"■        ' • •   S2.-75 to 84.00.
Silk shawls, scarfs, facinators, squares, motor scarfs, silk embroidered
■gauze-centres, d'oylies and cushion tops, AVe have just opened up 'a
large assortment in these silk novelties, and invite your inspection of
these'special values. . . . . ''...,.'
,Misses and children's Fall and Winter ObatS., Pest values und
; lowest prices combined-with latest styles an« serviceable materials, mlike
tliese the best value in coats ever shown in Michel,    , ; $^.S0'to 810.00
Women ^8 skirts, coats and suits in a wide range of latest styles and fabrics,        "-,''.■ ' '.• ' ;'''-.    '        . ".. ,   :',: . :'       ".
The "frites-Wpbd pp. 1X4.
New Michel, B. C.
Douglas & Stedman        «      -      «j
RATES $2.00 A DAY y     .
Everything First-Class and Cqmfortablp
Nothing but vfh\te labor employed
For all kinds of
. Fruit, Candy, Cigars, Nuts and Ice-Cream
Reward Offered
We Offer you a- Saving of
== 10 per cent.•-.==
On your Moat Bill, and the largest and choicest assortment
of Fresh, Cooked, Smoked and Cured meats in the Pass
Five special brands of Creamery and Dairy Butler
P.Burns & Co. Ltd.
Livery, Dray and Transfer
Bus leaves 7.40 a. m., 1.40 p. m., and 6.40.p. m.
Returns on arrival of trains
GEO. FISHER, Proprietor
All Kinds of Lun.her, Mouldings, etc.—Fancy Windows,  Doors a
V'i: :'■■ d&h Posts in1.Stock and to Order.
Fernie 'Lumber Co., Ltd.   :■•  New Michel
National vs. International Unions
We should be sorry to interrupt the 'day. dreams of the
Coleman Miner, for outside the stand that paper has taken
in unionism, we admire its policy. We may be pardoned
for this attempt to set it right, for in all honesty, we have
nothing to gain, and to put it mildly, much to lose by the
stand we 'take! ' Time, was, when we were younger, we
thought along the same lines most reformers in embryo do,
and were proud to stand forth, mayhap alone, and advocate
principles we deemed to be right. All honor td'thoBe youth
ful minds that as yet have not become blase, for innocency
will always command respect from respectable people, and
althou'ge innpeence and kmoranee may not be synonymous
terms, yet they blend together sO-.closely that the djfference
is only in degree. 7  .
Now the editor of the MJuer has put himself oh record,
as opposed to International unionism. What liis experience
lias boon we do not,know, but from our thirty-six years in
the business, werather imagine we can enlighten him if he
chooses to bask beneath the effulgent rays of our ben.
Tom Paine struck the keynote of the whoie trouble
when ho wrote -the world is my country: to do gopd, my relig
ion." What would be:thought pf Christianity were it restrained in its influence by sectional and party lines df political and commercial construction. He admits he believes
in unionism, but we fail to notice on any of.hjs publications
that he carries the label pf the Typographical Union, either
International or Canadian. With commendable nerve, he
jumps from the effeto east, into a union arpa and attempts to
show all the old hands that he has something better for them
than they have been able to obtaip fpr themselves. Little
Canada may do for him, and perhaps |t is all-sufficient, but
it is only a squaw deal to tho men, to inform them that many
of the Coal Mine Operators in the Pass are not Canadians.
If ah International Union is good fo;* the operators, we fail
to understand why an International Union amongst the employees is not-a good thing.
Briefly (and we hope to return more fully to this subject) the trouble is, that an International Union composed
of its tens of thousands' of loyal members, is a stiff proposition'lor the operators to buck, but a Canadian Union in embryo, has only sufficient weight to enable the operators to
believe that there is something in the scale.
^Speaking of the Typographical Union, with which we
are associated, there was ti light on for shorter hours, and after spending something over $4,01)0,0(1(1, f ho International
won out. Those who stayed with the International and paid
their assessments— won cit; those who kicked against assisting a brother unionist lo win the fight, founded the. Canadian Typographical Union. After about two years elToris to
do things, we find their total membership to be in the neighborhood of 200.    The I ntri national numbers torday, 57'JOQO.
From a selfish standpoint, where would you prefer to
It's just the same wbb the U. M. W. of A. A few dis-
gruntledbin's wish to break away. ,,Well, they are in the
same position as the Canadian Typographical, and the respect and goodwill of the people who know about these things
is with the International, and the little seven benign, one
horse, so-called Canadian Union is held in derision by all
workiiignien who have the faintest, conception of what Unionism in the abstract, really means. No matter win-it flag
floats o'er us, whether it i* a colony, a kingdom or a republic
"a man's a man for a' thai," and '''we're brithers a'."
This brand is so we)l known, that it needs  no  recommendation from us, '„,-,-"      .       ",
Let us be your Furnishers,
Specialists in Mens' Wear,
,   Get the Habit.   Go to
BOYD A, MUIR, Qt. Northern Hotel'Block, New Mlche|
SuitB Cleaned and Pressed.
B,ar Stocked        >
Wi'th: the  Finest
McGOOL & MOORE, Proprietors
"Elk Valley Beer"
Pure and
Manufactured from
Canadian Malt,
Bohemian HQps
and the now Famous
• Crystal Sprjng Water
Elk Valley Brewing Co., Limited
Get Your IJirsute Appendage Clipped and Your
Whiskers pushed in at the Great Northern Tonsor-
ial Parlors—You're next.
P. M. MacLanders, Prop
The Model Bakery
Bread, Cakes, Pies, Buns, Etc.    Fresh Every Day
, Driver will call for orders and deliver
The Model Bakery New Michel
Patronize Home Industry
Smoke Crow's Nest Special
and Miner's Favorite Cigars
Manufactured by tho Crow's Nesl Cigar Factory, Fernie,
Tbe Hotels all through tho Pass handle these goods
and Union men should ask for Union Label Goods.
E. V. Holding Co.,
Builders and Contractors
Repairs and alterations promptly attended to.
Estimates cheerfully given	
.     -— ...        „.. jg-j New Michel
rlflC Art r riOtinj£ 'Have you renewed your Subscription
At the Reporter office |to The Reporter ? It's only $1,00 now. THE   REPORTER,   IjTEW   MICHEL,   BRITISH   COLOMBIA,
The  Little  Pouch That  Was
Bought by Its Maker.
Mother looked up from the bundle nf
old clothes which had just arrived at
the parsonage. They represented all
that my wealthy Aunt "Florence and
iny cousins could do to belp us in our
rummage sale.
"1 dou't believe we have $10 worth'
of llilncs all together." she said. A
hopeless expression crossed her face as
she thought of the needed $!iO.
"How hateful all one's rich relations
always are!" I burst out "1 believe
they sell their things to old clothes
"We must do the best we can," said
motber patiently. "The poor people
wbo get them will be pleased anyway.
1 wonder If any-one will look ln aud
belp us nt the sale."
"No one," 1 answered, with conviction.   "Between hockey and"-
"Hero worship," mother Interrupted,
laughing. "If we could only get John
Gray to come we would not have
standing room."
I did not answer. Jobn Gray was
Just bome from tbe Philippines. As
an interesting convalescent and bero
he was In great .demand among tbe
girls. But, though I bad known blm
from childhood, I refused to add one
to the ranks of his adorers, so a coolness had fallen between my old playmate and myself.
"Mrs. Dens-.ll Is ln the parlor,
ma'am," said the maid, and we went
ln to be cheered by tbe gayest little
lady ln tbe town.
Mrs. Denzil bad a husband ln the
Philippines and appeared to get along
very well without blm. We would not
have willingly spared tbat brilliant
face with its wealth of fair bair, audacious blue eyes and wickedly curved
red lips from our midst It was vain
to try tq look askance at Mrs. Denzil.
ber absolute frankness was so disarming.
"You look worried," sbe said. "What
la ItliU
"It Is only our rummage sale." I said
aadly. "The things which have been
■ent ln will bring but a song, yet we
know of no other way In which to
raise the money."
"Are men's things any use? Wby
oot ask young Gray?"
"I hardly liked to." said mother.
"All right 1 will. He must have
beaps of things he doesn't want."
Off went Mrs. Denzil, promising to
write to Jobn Gray and send us tbe results of her appeal. Sure enough, a
few days later sbe brought In her dogcart a huge bundle whlcb sbe opened
"There, I told you I would get something out of hlm—shoes, lots of them,
brown and black; two suits, very little
worn; socks, collars, ties."
"Splendid!" we said. "Did he send
tbem all tbe way to your house?"
"No; 1 told blm 1 would cull for the
bundle this afternoon. It was to be
ready ln bis own special sanctum. He
was out, but old Jenkins showed me
ln. I found a note from blm asking If
tbls sort of tblng would be of any use
and saying tbat If we wanted anything
more Jenkins could get it for me."
Pursued by our grateful thanks. Mrs.
Denzil drove on* Iu ber usual whirlwind. She promised to come, to our
sale next day and especially begged to
be allowed to uct ns auctioneer for
Gray's things.
Mother and I returned to the examination of the bundle. "Actually, two
of bis pipes." sbe said. "How very
good of blm!"
"I said uothlng. for just at tbat moment I bad caught sight of something
wbleb gave me a sharp stab nf pain.
Many yenrs ago, when Jobn Gray flrst
went to college, I laid worked Its colors on a tobacco pouch. There had
been something more than mere kindliness In our farewell on tbat occasion.
He surely need not bave sent the
pouch to a rummage sale.
The sale came oir tbe next dny. In
tbe midst of a little argument with n
■tout woman ns to tbe value of a red
flannel dressing sack motber aaid to
"Clare, both of the Whites hnve
come. That Is rather nice of them.
They bnve brought auotber girl witb
I looked up nnd smiled at tbe tbree.
Just tben, to my surprise, the daughter
of our bank president nppenred, followed closely by a fairly representative gathering of the young ladles of
tbe neighborhood.
"There must be some mistake," 1
thought "They must think tbere Is
nil entertainment lo follow."
Jutt theu I beard Mrs. Dentil's voice.
"Here I am." sbe sold, "In plenty of
time. Hurry up, girls; the auction Is
going to begin. Cnn I have a chair put
on thnt tnble? Thanks. Tbe handle of
riy riding whip will be tbe bummer."
And. flinging herself with rapture into
tie pnrt. she began the auction.
The buyers were as wax in her
"Look at these ties." she said in
tones of ardent admiration—"college
colors, club colors, rainbow colors.
Wlrls, you will never forgive your
felvea If you let such a chance ns tbls
■lip. Six ties, all worn—well worn.
Pld I bear you siiy a quarter, Miss
Smith? Oh, I hope not! 1 could not
listen to such an offer from you. fifty cents. Linda. That Is better, but
not good enough." In the end she extracted nn offer of (1.60 from the bank
president's daughter. Never once did
■be mention the name of the donor of
tbe effects, nnd tbe ladles gated In undisguised amazement at eacb other's
frantic bids.
"Ibis pair of boots," Mn.  Denzil
pursued,  -was worn m tne rump-
This was entirely untrue, but tha
spirited bidding ensued, and auotber
girl became their proud possessor at
the extravagant price of $2.50.
At last, to my mingled relief and
rage, the little tobacco pouch was held
aloft In Mrs. DenzII'a grasp. 1 had decided to buy hack again my despised
gift If only for tbe pleasure of seeing
It burued.
"A tobacco pouch—look!" said the
gay voice. "Whnt memories may surround it!"
"Twenty-live," squeaked Linda
"Fifty." I growled.
Mrs. Denzil nearly dropped the pouch
In Amazement at my intervention.
"Oue dollar," from the oldest Miss
"Oue twenty-live," I sold, my cheeks
burning. Through the bush I could
bear mother'* surprised voice;
"Clare, my dear!"
How long that horrible auction lasted 1 do not know. 1 only know that at
last, at the cost of $3. which 1 could ill
spare, the horrid little pouch became
once more my own property. The rest
of tbe scene is a dream to me.
When all tbe lots were disposed of
all tbe girls quietly withdrew, eacb
eying her neighbor witb stern distrust.
Mrs. Deuzll sat down aud laughed
till the tears ran down ber cheeks.
"Do you know bow 1 did Iff sbe asked. "I told each of them—in the strictest confidence—that some trifles belonging to Jobn Gray were going to be
sold. They thought they would pick,
up some little souvenir cheaply, but"—
and she carefully weighed a purse In
her hands-*'! don't think they did, exactly."
I turned toward the big fireplace. I
would get rid of that poucb at once.
The door flew open, and John Gray,
burst In. "Oh. 1 say. Mrs. Denzil. I
qame rushing down to see whether by
mistake one or two little articles bad
not been put into thnt bundle of mine."
"Oh. I hope I did nothlug wrong,"
sbe said lightly. "1 only added one or
two nondescript things."
"Would you tell me whether two of
my pipes were among them?"
"Yes, but they were both quite old
ones, 1 am sure," said Mrs. Denzil.
"Then If you don't mind I will buy
them back myself. They were favorites of mine."
Mrs. Deuzll looked very thoughtful.
"Miss Mortimer bought one and Mlsa
Rawson tbe other, but no doubt tbey
would be delighted for you to have
them back."
The young man's face was a study.
"There was one thing more"—he grew
very red and looked across to where I
stood rigidly by tbe Ore watching the
slow flames struggling wltb tbe remnants of their prey—"a little tobacco
pouch."' be said.
"Very shabby," said the lady flrmly:
"quite a disgrace to you. Tbat Is wby
I took It"
"But 1 really want tbat back again,"
he urged. Please tell me who bas It."
"You bad better ask Clare," sbe said.
"Mrs. Warren and 1 bave to make out
our accounts."
Sbe drew mother out Into the ball.
John Gray strode over to me. 1 never
saw sucb a slow fire In all my life,
"Do you know where It Is, Clare?"
be began, and tben bis eyes fell on the
grate. One end of a bit of gray fabric
still ornamented wltb a shield lay
among the coal.
"You burned It?" he asked reproachfully.   "Wby?"
I could find nothing to say.
"Clare, you could not bave thought
tbut I meant to give tbat to any charity under the sun?"
•Still no answer.
He bent over until he could look Into
my downcast face.
"Clare," he cried, and even In niy bewilderment 1 beard tbe note of Joy In
his voice. Tben be took me in bis
arms, and I straightway forgot that
there had erer been sucb a tblng aa a
rummage sale.
I    Poisoning
Hew Hi Worked the Artist.
Tbls - account of  bow  an   Intimate
friend of the great artist Kyosal outlined one of the painter's drawings is
from   Mrs.   Hugh   Frazer'a. "Letters j
From Japan;"
Kyosai always refused if nsked out-
right for a sketch.   So his friend be-1
gan the negotiation by offering tbe art-! Do not be satisfied with temporary re-
tat an excellent dinner.   Wben ,KyosaI [ *'|ief—Cleanse the system and make
had drunk deeply and seemed in a
mellow   burner   bis   host   called   for :
drawing materials, saying tbat be felt
an artistic fancy taking possession of
him. No one was surprised, aa Japanese g .itlemen often amuse themselves tn this way after a feast The
servant tben brought tin enormous
■beet of wblte paper and spread It on
tbe floor with the brashes und Indian
Ink beside It. Tbe crafty host, without looking at his guest, sank on his
knees aud began to draw, apparently
absorbed In his occupation,, but .Intentionally producing weak and Incoherent Hues,   lvyiwal wqlrhcd the feebls
cure lasting wit* DR. CHASE'S
- Father and Son.
Some years ago, wben the custom of
sending small boys up chimneys to
sweep them was still In vogue, a lyell
known sweep and his son started to
work on a very tall chimney belonging
to a mill. To reach the chimney It
was necessary lo crawl through a flue
thirty feet long. The father covered
the boy's face wltb a bag and sent hlm
In. In a few minute* hecnlled "Billy!"
No answer. "Billy!" Mill no answer.
And he cnlled again and again, but no
voice replied, and at last be began to
be frightened and said: "Oh, Lord, tbe
poor boy Is smothered*1! Whatever will
his mother say?" At the same time he
was using all tbe pious expressions be
could think of. At this moment a
voice was heard from tbe top of tbe
chimney, "Feyther, feyther, man 1
come down tbe lightning rod or mun (
come down Inside?" The father
gasped for breath a moment, then
shouted, "Come down, thou young imp,
inside or out, and wben 1 catch thee
I'll break every bone In thy body!"—
Loddon Telegraph.
Lightning snd Rubber Tires.
"In a thunderstorm you can't be In
a safer place than a motorcar," aaid
an .electrician. "It's the tires. Tbey
Insulate you. With lightning playing
nil about, the tires protect the occupants of the car perfectly. The occupants are as safe as though they
weren't there. The rubber of the tire
and the dry air filling It form this insulation. It's Impregnable, and they
who fear the lightning can't do better.
In a thunderstorm, than to order out
the car."-Kansns City Star.
! Constipation begins with the bowels
but it does not end there.
You must also consider the way it
'effects the liver, the kidneys the digestive system and in fact the whole
human body.
Headaches, backaches, aching limbs,
indigestion, biliousness, kidney derangements and the most serious
diseases imaginable often have their
beginning with constipation ot the
bowels. •
. There is one treatment which haB a
direct and combined action on the
>owels, the liver and the kidneys and
Two Sides to Consider,
'Tn makes me do lota of chore*"
"Why don't yon strike?"
"If I did be would too."-Jadn,
effort In »ll,.,icea.id grmvlng IrrJUtlon, ^ 0 into ttooA w"orkinj?
and at last Jumped up. dashed tbe tyro <ortlpr ,n remaritRyv qUick time, and
«»tde and tore the brush out of bis j tni)t ■, p, chase's Kidney-Liver Pills,
hand, exclaiming;' "Out of the Way, ! They:afford relief qhickly, but they
you wretched bungler! 1 will -teach i do more than that. They positively
you how to draw!" And the result: cure constipation, nnd insure lasting
was a priceless sketch, which remain-1 regularity of the bowels by setting the
ed in the possession of tbe wil, enter-. «™jj*    ^ J^ „ WftS.
'■    "*  . I cana Ave., Toronto, Ont. states :—
. „     -,_ „ Bt "I was troubled for years with hsbit-
A Max o mn etory. Iun] con8tit)ation nn0* have, snent con-
Before he attained fume with hla va. sWeraM„ in m.0R\i0.A remedies and
rloua books M. Blouet (Max 0 Belli, .cftn ?ia,jly Bnv that I havo been com-
who waa for several years French j ,,Hely cared, bv using Dr. Chase's
master at St, Paul's school, related | Kidney-LJver Pills nnd shall be pleas-
how he obtained his post there.   After |ed to personally recommend them to
nny person who wishes to interview
two or three earlier applicants bad returned unsuccessful from their Interview with lir. Walker, who was at the
time headmaster of. tha school, M.
Blouet'* luru came.
"I want." ,*ald the doctor after a
few words, "a French master ..who cau
preserve discipline. My last was a
perfect gentleman and a good fellow,
but he could uot keep the classes ln
order. The end of It was that after
being much worried by oue of tbe
boys the poor fellow went bome aud
•hot himself."
"Sir," replied Ma-t O'Bell, "that Is
where my countryman made a little
mistake.   I should have shot the boy,"
The doctor rose, says M. Blouet, aud
grasped iny band.
"M. Blouet." be exclaimed, "you are
my French mnster!"-Loudon Captain.
Tt scarcely seeitis wise to trifle with
medicines, which mqrelv afford temporary relief, when, bv using Dr.
Chase's Kidney-Liver Pills, you not
only get *orom"t relipf but nlso a
thorough cleansing of the whole excretory system and lasting benefit* by
the restoration of the health and activity of the liver.
T)t. Chase's Kidney-Liver Pills, one
pill a dose,.26 cts. a box, at all dealers, or.Edmanson, Bates & Co., Toronto.
Tips Costlier Thwi Treats.
They were going out of the Waldorf
wben he saw her look so longingly In
at tbe big, beautiful roomful of white
tables laden with roses tbat he laid,
"Will you go In und have a cup of tea
or something?"
She assented willingly.
"Your bnt nud overcoat, sir." laid the
waiter flrmly. "You are not allowed to
■It In here with your overcoat on."
"But," objected be, "1 shall stay only f
a fefr minutes."     v
"No matter, sir," said tbe waiter and
took his hat ahd overcoat wltb an air
of determination and disappeared.
"That's ihe third time," sighed be,
"that 1 have started to go bome, met
somebody and parted from my bat and
coat to treat tbem. If It happens again
tbe tips to the waiters for keeping my
bat and coat will amount to more than
the sum 1 have paid for the treats."—
New York Press.
A Bad Mlxup.
"Say," remarked one government
clerk to another, "I'm up against it
good and proper."
"What's tbe trouble?" queried g. e.
No. 2.
"I got two medical certificates from
two different doctors yesterday," explained tbe party of tbe flrst part
"One was a certificate of health for a
life insurance company, and tbe otber
was a certlflcate of illness to be sent
to my chief wltb a petition for two
weeks' leave of absence."
"Ob, that's nothing." rejoined his
fellow clerk, "I've done that myself."
"Yes," continued the other, "but 1
mixed tbe certificates in mailing. Tbe
III health certlflcate went to tbe Insurance company and tbe certlflcate of
good health went to my chief. See?"
—Chicago News.
A Threatening Comet
M. Camlile Flamniarlon. the great
•dentist after inary years of study,
arrived at the conclusion thnt the
world will lu the twenty-fifth century
come across the path of tbe comet
Bella. On this occasion a collision will
take place, aud, Bella being infinitely
greater than tbe earth, a shock may
be expected wblch, he calculates, will
be 80S times greater tban tbe shock
caused by tbe collision between two
trains,, eacb trarellng at slxty-flve
miles an hour.
Expectations More Than Fulfilled.
Lucille, a carefully brought up little
girl uf live yeara, returned from ber
ur*< party In glee. "I waa a good girl,
mamma." sbe announced, "and talked
nice all the time."
"Did you remember to say something
pleasant to Mrs. Appleby Just before
leaving?" ber mother asked.
"Oh. yes, I did," was tbe enthusiastic reply. "I smiled and said; 'I en.
toyed myself very mucb, Mrs. Apple-
gate. I bad lots more to eat than I
spec'ted.' "-Woman's Home Companion.
Sausage has even from very early
times been a popular,table delicacy.
Aristophanes was familiar with it,
and in Roman days the sausages of
Lucanla were in high esteem. They
were made from pork and the nuts
of the stone pine, flavored with bay
leaves and other; things more familiar. Bologna was celebrated for its
sausages long before the German sausage had even thought of invading
the rest of the world, and until quite
lately it was commonly called in England a "polony."
Juveniles' Views of Browning
Some original views of Browning occur in the essayswritten hy Walworth
juveniles in connection with the annual Browning contest at Browning
Hall settlement. A selection of them
annears in a new number of Fellowship, the vigorous monthy journal
of the settlement. According to one
essayist, "at the age of 12 he produced
a volume of verses. He must have
been very clever, because some boys
have very little idea of writing compositions even at an early age." A girl
nrononnced the youthful Browning
"too clever 'to be tolprahle." Another
young lady wrote: "Much of the truth
in his poems is stored up for future
Betraving Family Secrets
Ladv—Will you send this rug on approval P
Snlesmnr-rCertainly, ma'am.
Little Girl (who is with her mother)
■Hadn't you better   tell   him to be
sure and get it there on time, mamma?  You lmow we give the party tomorrow night.—Life.
Teocher—Bessie, name one bird that
is now extinct.
Little Bessie—Dick.
Teacher—What sort of a bird is
Little Bessie—Our canary. The cat
extincted him—The Presbyterian.
"Let me see—didn't you tell me to
remind you to get something when we
got to town?"
"I believe I did."
"What was it?"—Judge.
Safe '
A kind old gentleman, seeing a very
small boy carrying a lot of newspapers
under his arm, was moved to pity.
"Don't all those papers make you
tired, my boy?"
"Nope," the-mite cheerfully replied,
"I can't read."—Youth's Companion.
"Baltimore has three saloons to one
"That gives you three guesses as to
where the policeman is."—Princton
"I thought," said the American who
was seeing Europe for the first time,
"that you people had a lot of inter-
estin' \>Id ruins tjver here." "Once
we had jiuch things'" the native apologized, "but your heiresses have come
over and had most of them put in
good repoet."—Pittsburg Observer.
She—She told me you told her that
secret I told you not to tell her.
He—The mean thing! I told her
not to tell you I told her.
She—I promised her I wouldn't tell
you she told me, so don't tell her I
told yo*/!
An old"* couple lived in the mountains of eastern Tennessee; he was
ninety-five and she ninety. Their son,
a man of seventy,, died. As the old
folks crossed the pasture to their
cabin after the burial, the* woman
noticed a tear' roll down her husband's cheek! She putted him tenderly on the arm and said:
"Never mind, John, never mind;
you know I always Baid we never
would raise that boy."—From "Success Magazine."   :
Th* tup that a«ve»
you work, and nv«
you money without Injury
to hand! or
Sunlight Soap"
turns wash-
tub   drudgery
Into   pleasure.
Oet a bar of Sunlight
to-day and try.
The expression "there is a skeleton
in every closet" is said to have its
origin in the fact that a soldier once
ivrote to his mother, who complained
of her unhappiness, to have some sewing done for him by some one who
had no cares or troubles. At last the
mother found a woman who seemed to
have no troubles, but when she told
her business the woman took her to a
closet containing a skeleton and said:
"Madam, I try to' keep my troubles
to myself, but every night I am compelled by my husband to kiss this
skeleton, who was once his rival.
Think you, then, I can be happy?"
"Why, Johnny, what are you crying
so about?" "Got a lickin'!" "Well,
don't you mind." "G'wan! That's
cos I wuz licked fer I"—Cleveland
Leader. /
Minards   Liniment   Cures   Dandruff.
Mrs. Hoyle—"I've found out where
my husband spends   his   evenings."
Mrs. Doyle—"Where?"
Mrs. Doyle—"At hotjie. You see I
hnd to stay in myself last night."
Minard's Liniment for tale everywhere
Temperance St., Toronto, Can.
Established  1862, taken over by tha
Provincial Government of Ontario, 1908.
Affiliated with the University ot Toronto,
un0er the control of the Dept. of Agricul-
{tare of Ontario.   College . opens let October,  1909.      Course    of    study    exten.ll
through 3 college years.   rEF.B PEE SESSION $75.00.   Calendar on application.
E. A. A. GBANGK, V.S.. M.S., Principal.
Dept. 0.
"What dicl her father say?" "He
didrft absolutely refuse," he replied
thoughtfully", "but he imposed a very
severe condition." "What was it?"
"He said he woud see me hanged
flrst." |
No child should be allowed to suffer
an hour from worms when prompt relief can be got in a simple but strong
remec-y—Mother Graves' Worm Exterminator.
Blobbs—"What's the matter with
Henp'ecke? Ho seems quite depressed." -,
Slobbs—"Oh, I mnde the mistake of
telling him to make himself feel quite
at home."—Philadelphia Record.
J If ivery housekeeper would use Wilson's Fly Pads freely during the Sum.
mer months the house fly peril would
soon be a thing of the past.
Teacher—Are you as naughty as this
when you're at home?
Freddie—Yes'm; that's the reason
mother makes me go to school.
I It Is to the advantage I
lot every housekeeperI
I In Canada to use them |
| Magic Baking Powder.
OJIIett'l Perfumed Lye.
Imperial Baking Powder. |
Olllett'e Cream Tartar.
| Royal Yoaat Cakes.
Ollletfa Mammoth Blu
Magic Boklng Seda.
duett's W-uhlag'CrjrsteJ. |
(EatibUskei IBB)
L V. 0IUETT CO, LTD. Tonal*. Oat
"Your hair wants cutting badly,
sir," said a barber insinuatingly to a
customer. "No, it doesn't" replied the
man in the chair. "It wants cutting
■nicelv.   You cut it badly last time!"
Philadelphia Inquirer
In Darkest Africa
Guide—"Come! Quick! Your Excel-
lency.   I hnve spotted a leopard."
Famous Hunter—"Here! Here, no
nature faking goes on this outfit.
Leonards hnve nlwovs been spotted."
—Washington Herald.
Meaning What?
Hostess—"It's beginning to rnin.
You'll got wet. I think you hnd better
stav to dinner."
Depnrting Guest—"Oh, dear no! It's
not raining so badly as that."—Sydney
The school director was visiting the
school. Every faco was washed,
every nair of shoes was shining, and
every boy had on a clean collar. The
teacher wns proud of "all of them.
They were very much attention
when the director arose to addresB
"Now, tell tne," he said, some of
the things that are made in Frankfort."
"Clothes." snid John Knight.
"Right," replied tho director.
"Now, some of you bright boys
hurry up and tell me," ho continued,
"what the skin of a cow is used for."
Little "Tommy" Coyle jumped up
and snid—"Please, sir, the skin is
used to keep the meat in."
Future Captains of Industry
Our future captains of industry are
probably to be found, as were most of
the present, in obscure positions,
They are rodmen on tho way to be.
coming heads of great engineering
concerns; train despatches en route
for railway presidents; clerks in country stores fitting themselves all unconsciously to be financial leaders.
The peculiar qualities which make
them what they arc cannot be taught:
they are partly the gift of nature nnd
partly beaten out in the hard school
of experience—New York Post.
Masculine Debility, Lost Vigor, Rapidly and Permanently
Cured. New, Harmless, Agreeable and Infallible
Remedy^.  A Remarkable Recent Discovery.
PQPP To all interested men, we will send by mail our FREE
!■ IfPfP HOOK, carefully sealed in plain envelope, which fully
■ ■"••' explains our modern treatment, how weak men of all
ages, suffering from masculine debility, loss of power, etc., etc., can
now rapidly recover their lost vitality arid vigor. No matter your age,
or the cause of your present weak state, our remedy acts in a most
marvellous manner and makes premature old men, strong, healthy and
vigorous.   All letters and communications strictly confidential.   Address,
AQOTE INSTITUTE, Suite 100, 65 University Street, Montreal, Canada.
More Bread
to the Barrel
That extra cost per barrel
which you pay for
Ogilvie's Royal Household
W. N. U„ No. 787
doesn't go into anybody's pocket.
It covers the cost of inspecting the
entire wheat crop of the country, and
. selecting the choicest grain.
It pays, for cleanliness, for purity
and for scientific flour-making.
A barrel of Ogilvie's Royal Household Flour goes farther than a barrel
of any other flour. It makes more
bread and better bread.
You are not really spending that
extra amount—you are investing it.
Go to your grocer and say "Royal
Household." _
IUKH that word-"v«rpMJa"-t»tt«r
than "plassa," and It expresies
something- that "porch" does not
cover. The latter word Is synonymous with the old Knickerbocker
"stoop." Both Imply roominess and
cosy 'comfort, a secluded corner In
which mynheer and his hausfrau could
take their ease, with pipe and mending
basket, when the harcTwork of the day
was done. The neighbors gathered there
on summer evenings, and the atr was
thick with tobacco smoke and gossip.
As a rule, tbe mistress ot the house
discouraged the growth'of vines about
the square stoop. They were harbors
tor mosquitoes and slugs, and dry
leaves and dropping flowers Uttered tho
Our verenda would not deserve tha
three-syllabled word were It bared of
the draping vines. We got It trom the
orientals, with whom It alanines seclusion gained by lattices ahd shutters and
vines. An English lexicographer appends to this definition the gratuitous
observation that'The veranda. Is erroneously called a 'plassa' In the United
Afternoon tea and the rechrlstenlng
ot porch, stoop and plassa have come
to us simultaneously, and   they   have
eome to stay. It may be long before,
from mansion to hovel, tea will be made
and served at 5. o'clock throughout the
length and breadth of our land, as In
< England, Scotland and Ireland.   Were
the vapor of the tilted teakettle visible,
It would obscure the face of the sun
between 4.80 and 5 In the British Isles.
Queen and washerwoman drink together
- then, and the clink of china marks the
, hour aa faithfully as the town dock.
"With us the pretty custom has gained
favor so fast within a quarter ot a century that It Is an exception when the
cup that cheers but not Inebriates is
not offered to the afternoon guest In
thousands ot homes It la as truly a
family meal as breakfast.
1 have called the custom "pretty." It
Is. never a more graceful function than
when carried out upon the veranda. The
simplest country cottage where the
bablt prevails le furnished with a
wicker'table, or one of "mission" manufacture, that stands on the veranda
all the time. It has a modest corner for
Its own and keeps In the background
until the "bewitching hour" of afternoon tea approaches. The aproned maid
then sets It In the foreground,'spreads
the teacloth and brings out the tray
upon which is arranged the tea equipage.
If the beverage is to be brewed hy
the mistress or by a daughter of the
house, the teakettle and a spirit lamp
form part of the pleasing array upon
the tray. Or a S-o'clock-tea stand precedes the appearance of the tray and
la set beside the table. A sliver or copper kettle swings over an alcohol lamp.
Boiling water was poured Into the kettle before It left the kitchen. The spirit
lamp makes sure the actual boll before
It goes Into the teapot, which must be
hot from a recent scalding.
The cosy, another'English Importation, Is almost an essential when tea Is
served upon the veranda. If there be
any breese In the long summer day,
It may be depended upon to spring up
as the sun neara the western horizon.
Moreover, the canny housemother sets
the table In the coolest corner of the
shaded veranda. Bhe slips the cosy
over the pet after the latter Is filled,
and leaves It there for the two minutes
that are requisite, to draw out the
flavor and tonic properties of the
CelesUal herb without poisoning the Infusion with tannic acid. The hot-water
pot flanks the teapot, In case It should
be needed to weaken the beverage for a
"nervous" drinker. An elcohol flame
burns under It while the function goes"
on.     . y
Don't cumber the simple and elegant
ceremonial of afternoon tea by numerous and varloue appointments that
make it heavy and expensive. I have In
mind one/clty of fair afse and abounding hospitality where the custom degenerated Into "receptions" demanding
salads, Ices and a dosen etceteras, entailing an expenditure of labor and
money that made this form of entertainment Impracticable for the woman of
limited means.
Ask half a dosen of the nicest neighbors you have to take a cup of lea
with you on the veranda on a given afternoon when you have a choice friend
staying with you. Group easy chairs
and wicker rockers Invitingly tn the
corner sacred to the tea hour, and assemble your guests there ss they arrive.
Tour  prettiest   teacloth  ahould  drape
the table, and all the features of ...0
"equipage" muat be the beat you can
bring to the front. A single ve«e of
flowers (not a mixed bouqvat) ahould
grace the, center of the tanlfc As you
make and pour.the tea, •' tv it that
the talk flowe on amon.aly. There
should be no break It. the thre.-td. of
anecdote and chat. Silence la always
formality under these ch'cunHtB'icee.
Have a plate or basket ot tli' bread-
and-butter. Bome tea-lovers prefer tbls
accompaniment to sandwich or ctke.
If you or your copk can make go id
Scotch scones, for whlcb' ycu shall
have a recipe presently, they will be received gratefully by those who havi
eaten them "on the other sloe."
Another pleasant accompaniment of
tea Is the toasted sandwich, fb'it, too,
we will have by and by. Sandwiches
of tongue apd ham and chick, i ate
popular at all times. In hot wfttho-
I prefer the lighter varieties of tomato,
cress, nasturtium and lettuie aaiul-
wlohes. On very warm nftern na you
may substitute Iced for hot tea. T",
since this cooling drink disagree* seriously with many persons, It la best t »
have hot tea for such as pref<>r It.
A basket of light cake or eooklea Is
passed after the bread anl sandwiches.
For those who take nn sugar In their
tea, cake Is not ami. s.   It vitiates the
taste of tha drink for such as qualify
It with cream and sugar. In addition
to cream Jug and sugar bowl have a
plate of alloed lemon, and If you serve
cold tea, a bowl of cracked Ice.
Stop    therel    Bonbons,   fruit    and
"frappee" are foreign to tha genuine, -
quietly refined function. Tou vulgarise
It by introducing any ot them.
Afternoon Tea Boone*.
Bltt a quart of flour three times with
two teaspoonfuls of baking powder and
one of salt. Chop Into this a. tablespoonful of butter and one ot lard fer
shortening. Mix In a bowl with a
wooden spoon Into a dough by adding
three cupfuja of sweet milk, or enough
to make a soft dough. Do not touch
with your hands. Lay tho, dough upon
your kneading board and roll Into a
sheet half an inch thick. Cut Into
round cakes with your biscuit cutter and
bake upon a soapstone griddle to a light
brown.   Split and butter while bot
Line a tray or plate with a folded
napkin and lay In the scones, folding
the corners of tbe napkin over them
to keep then hot
Toasted Sandwiches.
Cut slices of white or ot graham
bread thin, butter lightly,, and apread
one with cream cheese. Press the two
slices flrmly together and toast the outside of each before a quick Are. "Bend
to table wrapped In a napkin. '»
Cream Cheese and Sweet Pepper
Scald the peppers to take oft the
biting taats, and drain them. Lay on
-the Ice for some hours. Wipe and mince.
Mix two-thirds cream cheese ond
one-third peppers Into a smooth paste.
Spread upon lightly buttered bread and
put together In sandwich form,
Tomato Sandwiches.
Butter tbln slices of bread and lay
between them slices of fresh ripe tomatoes from which the skin has been
pared. Spread each slice of tomato with
mayonnaise or a good French dressing.
Lettuce SandirlchM.
Butter thin sllcrs of bresd and lay
between them ln sandwich form crisp
leaves of heart lettuce which have been
dipped In mayonnaise dressing. One leaf
of lettuce suffices tor each sandwich.
Nasturtium Sandwichea.
Substitute for tho lettuce leaves petals
of nasturtium flowers dipped In French
dressing. This Is a piquant and appetising sandwich.
sdl&ush. Martian^
\    Old Virginia Corned Beef
1   \^ T .YIF£ M* \ h»Y- Mto c°n» from.
JVI     the old country to reside her*.   We
I  **•*    want to "catch on" to new cui-
1  tome,   etc.,   uid   we   have  reotlvod   great
' assistance from the  Exchange,     Wa hava
not  yet   Been  a  recipe  for oor-nlng  beef,
: ant] aa wa are fond of this article of dally
food,   w*  ihould  like tc-  get  a rule  for
putting It up, po that we could corn choice
cuts-of beef wr ouraelvw.   will you kindly oblige ua?  JAMES 0. (Seattle, Wash.).
I cannot prove my willingness to aerve
rou ("and your wife") more strongly
than by turning over to you the reelp •
by which my mother had beef corned
(or forty years. I have never eaten
corned beef equal to hers anywhere elae.
She agreed with you In that ahe put
flown tn* choice cute. Tha average
gutpher earns the leas desirable par's
of the animal. That may be one causa
2Jiih?«pert?JudJCB *f"»lM- "» owned beef
■old In the shambles.
fld Virginia Becipe for Corning Beef
£f*!ft 2tt& .pl#c.Vof b#*' *'"• ""peter
lxt.I Kith ten timi-s more salt tban yo*
iv« saltpeter, until tha mixture lies dry
ui.on the surface. Set aelda In a cold
place, covered, to exclude duet end in-
aaota. for twenty-foi.r houra. Repeat the
prooesi then, rubbing la the mixture v»ry
thoroughly, you will be surprised to sea
how much of tb-i salt and saltpeter the
.at will absorb at theVteon-l rubbing,
jt away again for another twenty-four
.ioiire, by which time you sbould have '
the pickle rftady.
P.cUe for Corning Beef.
Te Ave gallons of water allow a gallon
of salt sua tour ouncca it saltpeter, Vim
a pound aod a Sail of brown sugar. Boll
together ten minutes after the salt and
auger are completely dissolved; let the
aria* yet p-rf-Ktiy cnM; wine e*rh piece
of beet dry •-.•> pswk In a km or barrel.
Pcir the bnne ever e'i The ment ahnuld
be oqvered io thr septa ef ••verm Indies.
ri\ a Mme as the •easel aad set la the
Examine tha contents weekly to see If
It is keeping well. a there be the leaat
unpleasant odor, or If ao offensive scum
rise to the top of the pickle, take out
the meat without the delay of an hour,
wipe It perfectly clean and rub In dry
saft, leaving It thus while you prepare
new brine. Scald the keg or barrel 'and
•et in the; sun for an hour or so before
repacking the meat in it.
the range. Fill to overflowing with tha
boiling syrup, clap on ihe sterilised rubbers and tops and seal at once.
Canned Pineapple.
' Select the ripest fruit you can find. It
le as pity that all the pineapples brought
tp our markets are gathered ao unrip*
that they are likely to toughen In the
What Are Ice Cream Cones?     »*T tf,WAWLoDio?JC
Will you kindly send me a recipe for
making los cream cones?
I have been trying to make them,  but
those  I make are too brittle.    Can  you
tell ma how to overcome this defect 1
A. M. B. (Cincinnati. Ohio),
We cannot engage to send recipes by
mall. In thle case I could not, If there
were no euch rule, for I have but an
indefinite Idea of what an Ice cream cone
all. Correspondents better versed than I
In the technicalities of the confectioner's art will help you out of the dilemma.
Canned Rhubarb and Pineapple
Borne weeks ago I «> .' in the Exchange
a recipe for cannit 'uberb and pineapple, which I m Welti. Send It to me If
you still have It, please.
M. U K. (Tolono, 111.).
I do not recall the recipes to which
you allude. Instead of gpend-lng valuable time In looking them up, I offer the
following, which I know to be good,
Canned Rhubarb.
Cut Into loch lengths without peeling.
To eich pound allow three-quarters of a
pound 'of sugar, Put the sugar over the
lire with Just enough water to dissolve
It thoroughly, and boll to a thin .syrup,
skimming nit tha scum an It rises. Turn
thi* rhubarb Into the bolting syrup and
cook for five minutes, Take un (he frull
with a perforated spoon snd transfer to
heated Jars eet In a pan of bot water oa
cold water as you go on, to keep the color,
Unless you are positive that the fruit is
really ripe, It Is safer to cut It Into dice
than to leave the slices whole and round.
Measure all when ready to can, and allow
a. cupful of sugar to four quarts of the
pineapple dice. Pour a pint of water Into
a preserving kettle; put In a layer of
fruit) strew with sugar; put In more fruit,
and ao on until all la In. Cover closely
and bring slowly to a boll. Cook tender
and clear. Fifteen mlnuVs should sum™.
Can as I have directed ln the preceding
recipe, and seal Immediately. Wrap the
Jars ln thick paper to exclude tbe light.
On Coloring Candy
L Mrs. O. A. C. (Los Angeles, Chi.), asks
how to make pink candy without using
red sugar.
If ahe will get a small Jar of fruit color
paste, sold hy druggists and some grocers,
ahe win have a coloring matter that
will Rive her any tint required, according
to the quantity used.
In making up a quantity of candy, I
put Into the white fondant the treat bit
of paate, and have a delicate shade of
pink.     1 flavor with rotewater.
Another batch Is colored to a deeper
shade and flavored with wlntrrgreen. Yet
a third la really crimson snd flavored with
cinnamon. These various colore and
flavors have one foundation In fondant
and color paste. Tou may buy the paste
in divers colors. The candles will keep
Indefinitely, and the paste hsa the advantage over liquid coloring In not affecting
the  consistency  of the  fondant.
V. _ P. (Oak Park.  Ill.l.
.TiTe are Indebted to yon for a  mr-
clnct and practical contribution.   I wish
you had told ui something of the composition of the "paste." I take It fc
granted that It Is baaed upon gelatine
and colored with vegetable matter cr
with harmless Ingredients, such as
Mono Soapmaking
I am an old woman and I did not Imagine that I coiAd be of help In the war
of contributions to the Exchange.
But a recent article on soapmaking etarte\
me to writing. I made my soap yesterday.
I make It twice a year, and alwaya have
good luck. I keep it for scrubbing and for
washing overalls, etc, my husband being
an engineer.
I bu* one can of dey lye powder to put
with the grease i hiae saved from time
to time. I try the grease out In the oven
and strain It. The lye la dissolved la a
pailful of rainwater, allowing a pound of
grease to the can of powder and pall of
water. I nut all Into a kettle and bring It
slowly to a boll, watching to sea that It
does not boll over, It la allowed to boll
about half an hour. I then put It away
to get cold. If It separates, I add a little
water and boll again. Sometimes the lye
I* too strong to allow the grease and water
to mix. Keen the soap covered, I keep
mine In the cellar. :
I like "Heavenly Hash."  I have made It
often,  but I  caU  mine   "Fruit  Salad."   If
this Is worth printing, I may come again.
K.  H.   (Belolt.   Wis.).
Come again and as often as you have
something to tell us that Is for the
good of Our Family at large.
1. I should Uks> u know tfml*Wft4
Evans' book, "At tbe A 'rcy of Tiberias,**
a_ drswn from life. It scene so r-al,
as i; It must have been 'onuJed upon
t. day to "M. ID. I*" (Beaton Hester.
Ml. n.) that one of my sons had tu "ttcV»
sho describes. My doctor said It was-* disease of the nerves and the blood, cans'i'
by a general "run down" condition. He
treated It. and successfully, through tbe
blood and nervous systun.
Don't publish any country woi
tetters telling how a" family may H
|5 per week in California.   There tt
Many Things
1. I am glad tou took up the matter of
borrowing and lending In the Exchange.
It waa all new to me when I came North to
live. I could not but look my surprise when
a neighbor would run in lo borrow an egg
or a bit of butter or even a slice of
bread! I rnuld not understand It at all.
] thank vpj| for speaking out so plainly of
the habit, whlcb seems to me actual!}
get almost twice ae much for that »i .i aa
we can here. I have a son living In California. He writes tbat the best steak may
be had at the rate of two pounds for a
quarter of a dollar, while we .pay twice
as much.  He gets butter for ft cents a
Jound, and I pay 42— and so on and so on.
t Is not fair to judge us eastern housemothers bv that standard of prices.
6 I hope voi* will write soma time,of
the way young girls have of expecting
young men to spend nearly all they make
upon them and their frolics and pleasures.
If a poor fellow has to steal In order to
get funds for all this, they don't care. I
never heard of such disgraceful doings in
my young days.     Mrs. p, (Darby, Pa.).
I should be willing to wear my pen
down to a stub If, by so doing, I could
reform the abuse of which you wish I
would "write some time," A girl of
sense and feellng—I might add of common honesty—who has one grain of tact,
can prevent a young man from spending
money upon her which he cannot afford
to let go in that way. I know girls who
Insist that they prefer the balcony of
theater or concert room to the orchestra
chairs, and wh> "never eat late sup-
Rers," because they know their escorta
ave their own way to make In the
world, and that IZ seats and an oyster
and   game  supper   are  sheer   cxtrava-
'Tflm sorry to add that I 'likewise
know thriHe who tire not withheld by
theBe consideration* fn>m pressing gnl-
lantry In the way of choice seats, cabs
and "trents Lu the uttppst limit aanc-
'.loned by convention, Our correspondent
fits an ugly word to one of the frequent conBetiuenccs of thle cruel extortion. A man who "borrows" from
hla employer's funds rather than
submit to the odium of being set
down ae miserly by a woman he admires and whose favor he would gain,
night often have company In ther dock
if Justice were not too blind to seek
and find the Instigator of the theft.
"Look for the woman!" was the first
order of the most celebrated of police
Chiefs when news of a crime was reported to him. Our girl would be confounded were she to be told how often
the accomplice In peculation and falsa
entries and mad speculation might he
found in ber giddy self.
A Few Hints
IT IB sensible to soak tbe string or'
twine you mean to use In tying up
crocks of fruit butter or pickles.
Thle will prevent Us slipping while you
are tying It, and will make a tighter
job, becnuae the twine will shrink after
It la tied.
It Is said that a pinch of salt put ln a
can of tomatoes when preserving tlm*t
comes will help to keep tbe vegetable*
a long time. Every one known hOw Hat
canned tomntoeR sometimes taste, and
perhapB a little salt will help to overcome thle objection.
Clean nm** with pumice powdar, wet
with spirits of turpentine.
The old or frayed rag le a dt*nJrj!o%
not a duster. Its particles of lint aaf
ravallngs will make double work. THE   REPORTER,   NEW   MICHEL,   BRITISH   COLUMBIA.
Aathsc *l "Hurts C-Mfsaleoua." Elc.
Copyright, 1908,  tb* Bobbs-MerriU
What absolute contempt or danger.
what Insane prompting possessed, can
scarcely be Imagined.   Felder looked
for a quick end to the folly, but he
saw the men ln tbe street even as
they moved forward waver and pause.
"With almost tbe first note It bad come
to tbem that tbey were hearing music
such as the squeaking fiddles of the
dance balls never knew. Those on the
opposite pavement crossed over, and
Den far down the street stood still to
More than the adept's cunning that
had at first tingled In his flngere at
eight of tbe Instrument was In Harry
Sanderson's playing. Tbe violin bad
been the single passion wblch the old
Satan Sanderson had carried wltb him
Into the new career. Tbe Impulse to
"soothe the savage breast" bnd been a
flare of the old character he had been
relieving, but tbe music, begun lu
bravado, swept blm almost Instantly
beyond Its bounds. He bud never been
an Indifferent performer. Nov he was
playing as he had never played tn his
life, wltb Inspiration and abandon.
There waa a diabolism In It He had
forgotten the fight the crowd, his own
mocking mood. He had forgotten
•where he was. He was. afloat on a
fluctuant tide of melody that was carrying blm back, back, Into the far-
•way paat toward all that he bad loved
and lost
"It's 'Home, Sweet Home,*" said
Barney McGinn. "No, It's 'Annie
Laurie.' No, lt's-hanged If I know
what It it!" ,
The player himself could not have
told him. He was in a kind of tranced
dream. The self made music was calling with a sweet insistence td burled
things that were stirring from a long
Bleep. It sent a gulp into the throat
of more than one standing moveless
In the street It brought a suspicious
•moisture to Tom Fclder's eyes. It drew
Mrs. Halloran from the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron. It called
to a girl who crouched ln the upper
hall with her miserable face burled ln
ber hands, drew ber down the stair
to the office door, her eyes wide with n
breathless wonder, ber face glistening
with feeling.
From the balcony Jessica had witnessed the fight without understanding Its meaning. A fascination she
could not gainsay bad glued her eyes
to the struggle. It was he—It waa the
face ahe knew, seen but once for a
single moment In the hour of her marriage, but stamped Indelibly upon her
memory. It waa no longer smooth
•haven, and it was changed, evilly
■changed. Bnt It was the same. There
twas recklesness and mockery In It and
yet strength, not weakness. Shunned
and despised as be might be—tbe chief
actor, aa It seemed to her, ln a cheap
and desperate barroom affray, a coarse
affair of fisticuffs ln the public street
—yet there waa something Intrepid ln
Ills bearing, something splendid ln his
To Jessica, standing with hands close
clasped, the music seemed the agony
of remorse for a past fall, tbe cry of a
forlorn soul, knowing Itself cast out
appealing to Its good angel for pity,
and pardon. Hugh had often played
to her, lightly, carelessly, as he did all
things. Sbe bad deemed It only one of
bis maty clever, amateurish accomplishments. Now It struck her wltb a
pang that there bad been ln him a
deeper aide tbat sbe had not guessed.
Since her wedding day she bad
thought of her marriage as a loathed
bond, from which his false pretense
had absolved her. Now a doubt of ber
own position assailed her. Had lone-
Kneas and outlawry driven him Into
the career that had made him shunned
even In this rough town, a course
which she, had she been faithful to
her vow "for better, for worse," might
have turned to hla redemption? God
forgave, but she had not forgiven.
Smarting tears scorched her eyelids.
For! Harry Sanderson the music waa
tbe Imprisoned memory, crying out
strongly ln the first tongue It had
found. The slumbering qualities tbat
had stirred uneasily at sight of the
face on the balcony awoke. Who he
waa and had been he knew no more
than before, but the new writhing self
consciousness, starting from Its sleep
with almost a sense of shock, became
conscious of the gaping crowd, tbe
dusty street the red sunset and of
himself at the end of a vnlgar brawl
■awing a violin ln silly braggadocio In
a hotel doorway.
The music faltered and broke off.
The bow dropped at hla feet He
picked It up fumbllngly and turned
back Into the office as a man entered
from a rear door. The newcomer was
Michael Halloran, the hotel'a proprietor, short, thickset and surly. Asleep
In hut room, he had neither seen the
fracas nor heard the playing. He saw
Instantly, however, tbat something unusual was forward and, blinking on
tbe threshold, caught sight of the man
who was banding the violin back to Its
owner. He clinched bis fist, wltb a
•cowl, and started toward blm.
His wife caught his arm.
"Oh, Michael, Michael!" she cried.
"Say nothing, ladl Ye sbould bave
heard him play!"
"Play!" he exclaimed. "Let him go
fiddle to bis side partner, rrendergast,
and the other riffraff he's run with the
year past!" He turned blackly to Harry. 'Take yourself from this house,
Hugh Stlres I" he said. "Whether all's
true that's said of you I don't say, but
you'll not come here!"
Harry had turned very white. With
the spoken name—a name how familiar!
—his eyes had fallen to the ring on his
finger—the ring with the Initials H. S.
A sudden comprehension had darted to
his mind. A score of circumstances
that had seemed odd stood out now in
a baleful light The looks of dislike in
the barroom, the attitude of tbe street,
tbls angry diatribe, all smacked of acquaintance, and not alone acquaintance, bnt obloquy. Hla name was
Hugh Stlres! He belonged to this very
town! And be waB a man bated, despised, forbidden entrance to an uncouth hostelry, an unwelcome visitant
even In u barroom. He turned to Felder and said ln a low voice to him.
net to the hotel keeper or to tbe roomful:
"When I entered this town today I
did not know my name or that I had
ever set foot ln It before. 1 was struck
hy a train a month ago and remember
nothing Jieyond tbat time. It seems
that tbe town knows me better tban I
know myself."   ,-
He turned quietly and walked out of
the door. Pavement and street were a
hubbub of excited talk. The groups
parted as be came out, and be passed
between them with eyes straight be-
fore him.
As be turned down the street a fragment of quarti thrown with deliberate
and venomous aim flew from tbe saloon doorway. It grazed his head,
knocking off bis hat
Tom Felder had seen tbe flying missile, and be leaped to tbe center of the
street with rage In his heart "If 1
find out who threw that" he said. "I'll
send him up for It, so help me Cod!"
Harry stooped and picked up his bat
and as he put it on again turned a
moment toward the crowd. Then he
walked on down the middle of the
street his eyes glaring, his face white,
Into the dosky blue of the falling, twilight
* #
HE scene In the hotel office had left Jessica in
a state of mental distraction ln whlcb reason was In abeyance.
Kin the confusion she
bad slipped Into the little sitting room
unnoticed, feeling a sense almost of
physical sickness, to sit ln the balf
light listening to the diminishing
noises of tbe spilling crowd. She was
wind swept, storm tossed, In the grip
| of primal emotions. The surprise had
shocked her, and the strange appeal of
the violin had disturbed her equipoise.
The significant words of awakening
spoken In the office had come to her
distinctly. In tbelr light sbe had read
the piteous puzzle of tbat gaze that had
held her motionless on tbe balcony.
Hugh bad forgotten tbe past-all of It
Its crime. Us penalty. In forgetting
the past be bad forgotten even ber,
his wife. Yet ln some mysterious way
her face bad been familiar to blm. It
had touched for an Instant tbe spring
of the befogged memory.
As she spurred through the transient
twilight, paat the selvage of the town,
anil Into the somber mountain elope,
sbe struck the horse sharply with her
crop. He who had entrapped her, wbo
had married her under the shadow of a
criminal act wbo bad broken ber future with his, when his whole bright
life had crashed down In black ruin-
could sucb a one look as be had looked
at her? Could he make such music
tbat had wrung her heart?
All. at once the borse sbled violently,
almost unseating ber. A man was lying by the aide of the road, tossing
and muttering to himself. She forced
the unwilling animal closer and, leaning from the saddle, saw who It waa,
In a moment she was off and beside
Ibe prostrate form, a spasm of dread
clutching at ber throat at sight of the
nerveless limbs, the chalky pallor of
the brow, the fever spots ln the cheeks.
A wave of pity swept over her. He
was 111 and alone. He could not be left
there. He must bave shelter., Sbe
looked fearfully about her. Wbat could
■he do? In that town, whose Intolerance and dislike ahe bad Been so actively demonstrated, was there no one
who would care for him? She turned
her head, listening to a nearlng sound-
footsteps were plodding up the road.
Sbe called, and
presently a pedestrian emerged from tbe half
dark and came
toward her.
. He bent over
the form she
showed blm.
"It's Stlres,"
he said with
a chuckle. "I
heard he'd come
kle turned to a
cough, and he
shook his head.
"Tbls Is sad!.
You could never
..,.,   ou     ,, believe   how   I
"IV, Stlres." hnve    laborcd
with the boy, but"—he turned out his
lmnds-"you see, there Is tbe teuipta- :
tlou.   It Is his unhappy weakness."
Jessica remembered tbe yellow,
aniirky face now. Sbe hod parsed him
on the day Tom Felder bad walked
with her from tbe Mountain Valley
House, and the lawyer bad told her be
lived la the caoin just oetow the khoo,
where she so often sat She felt n
quiver of repulsion.
"He is not intoxicated," she sold
coldly. "He is 111. You know him,
"Know him!" be echoed and laughed—a dry, cackling laugh. "I ought to.
And I guess he knows me." He shook
the Inert arm. ' "Get up, Hugh!" he
said.   "It's Prendergast!"    ,
Tbere flashed through her nilud the
phrase of the surly hotel, keeper, "His
side partner, rrendergast!" Could It
be? Had Hugh really lived In the cab-
In on which Bhe had so often peered
down during those past weeks? And
with this chosen crony!     . ■
She touched Prendergast's arm. "He
Ib 111, I say," she repeated. "He must
be cared for at once. Your cabin Is on
the hillside, Isn't It?"
"His cabin," he corrected. "A rough
place, but it has sheltered us both. I
am but guide, philosopher and friend."
She bit ber lips. "Lift blm on my
horse," she Baid. She stooped and put
her bands under the twitching shoulders." "I will help you,, I am quite
strong." '
With her aid he lifted tbe swaying
form on to the saddle and supported
It white Jessica led the way.
"Here Is, the cutoff," he said presently. "Ah, you know It!" for she had
turned Into the side path tbat led
along the hill, under the gray, enake-
ttke flume—tbe shortest route to the
grassy shelf on which tbe cabin stood.
The byway waB steep and rugged,
and rhododendron clumps -caught at
her ankles, and once sbe heard a snake
slip over tbe dry rustle of leaves, but
she went on rapidly, dragging at the
bridle, turning back how and then
anxiously to urge the horse to greater
speed. She scarcely heard tbe offensively honeyed compliments which
Prendergast offered to ber Courage, jj
It seemed an eternity they climbed.
In reality It was scarcely twenty minutes before tbey reached tbe grassy
knoll and the cabin, whose crazy
swinging door stood wide to the ntght
air, She tied the horse, went in and
at Prendergast's . direction found
matches and lit a candle. The bare,
two room interior it revealed was unkempt and disordered. Bough bunks,
a table and a couple of bewn chairs
were almost Its only furniture. The
window was broken and the roof admitted sup and rain. Prendergast laid
the man they had brought on one of
the bunks and threw over him a shabby blanket
"My dear young lady," be said, "you
are a good Samaritan. How sball we
thank you, my poor friend here and
Jessica had taken money from ber
pocket, and now she beld It out to
blm. "He must have a doctor," ahe
said. "You must fetch one."
The yellow eyes fastened on tbe bill,
even while bis gesture protested. "Yon
shame me!" be exclaimed. "And yet
you are right It la for him." He
folded It and pot It Into his pocket
"As soon as I hare built a fire I will
go for our1 local medico. He will not
always come at the call of the luckless miner. All are not ao charitable
as you."
He untied her horse and extended a
band, but she mounted without hla
help. "He will thank you one day,
this Mend of mine," be said, "far better than I can do."
"It Is not at all necessary to tell
him," she replied frigidly. "The alck
are nlwaya to be helped ln every circumstance,"
She gave her borse tbe rein aa ahe
spoke and turned him up tbe steep
path that climbed back of the cabin,
past the Knob, and so by a narrow
trail to tbe mountain road.
Auguat Prendergast stood listening
to the dulling hoof bents a moment
then re-entered the cabin. The man on
the bunk had lifted to a altttng position. His eyes were open, dazed and
"That's right." the older man said.
"You're coming round. How dees It
feel to be back In tbe old shebang?
Cnn't guess how you got .here, can
you? You were towed on horseback.by
a beanty, Hughey, my boy-a rip staving beauty! I'll tell yon about It in the'
morning If you're good."
The man he addressed made no answer. His eyes were on the other. Industrious and bewildered.
"1 heard about the row," went on
Prendergast "Tbey didn't think It
was ln you, and neither did I." He
looked at him cunningly. "Neither did
Moreau, eh, eh? You're a clever one,
Hugh, but the lost memory racket
won't stand you in anything. You
hadn't any call to get scared In the
Sret olace.  I don't tell all I know."
(To be Continued.;
Leek Prosperous or Pay In Advance.
"While there Is u gisal deal of the
American spirit prevailing In Sydney
and Melbourne, tbey du things there tn
a peculiar wuy." suld, a traveling man.
"It Is hard to get used to tbem.
"They have excellent restaurants
there, but they run ou a peculiar plan.
A man goes In and alta down at n table,
and a waiter, generally a woman,
bauds blm tbe bill of fare. He mukes
out his order nn a slip, and before be
Is waited on tbe waiter goes to tb*
cashier and haa a little private talk
wltb hlm. The cashier loins over at
the customer, nnd If he appears, to be
good for tbe bill he Is served; otherwise be Is aaked tu pay In advance.
The meals are gmid and cheap The
same careful scrutiny Is made when a
fellow registers nl a hotel, (iond looks
will go further ilian any amount uf
bumii*e"-<>iunhn Itee.
He Believes Rodents Have Been
Studies Natural History—Mrs. Bowser
Interrupts Samuel's Researches and
a Mishap Terminates His Work.
Will Seek Revenge Later.
By  M. QUAD.
[Copyright, 1909,  by Associated  Literary
THE Bowser'family bad finished
dinner and were' settling, dowu
for;the evening wben a loud
screuui from the 'cook, followed by ber appearance on the basement stairs, ehused Mr. Bowser to
spring frbm bis chair and cry out:
••'■'or heaveii's sake, what has happened dowusinlrs.1'
"1-1 went down cellar after coal,
sir."' replied the frightened female,
"Well, did the cual bin scare you?'
"No. sir; I saw a big rat."
"And wbnt did be do?"
"He looked/at me," sir."
"Humph! Don't raise any more such
rows over a nit."
"It would bare frightened me," said
Mrs. Bowser after the cook dfsap.
"Thnt shows wbat a ninny you 're.
A rat I* one of the most harmless an!-
nialB tn the world. You have to provoke hlm to the limit to mtuce him
bite you."
"But a rat Is a, rat."
"Yes. and a woman Is a balf Idiot
You bnve known of rats since your
Childhood. You bave never been bitten. No rat has even menaced you,
and yet because, he happens to be a
rut Instead of a rabbit you are his
"But you'll find that most persons
think and feel as I do "about It," sbe
"That Is true, and It shows what little sense tbey bave. A rat Mrs. Bowser, cuu be made as great a pet of aa
a dog. He can be taught tricks. He
can be made a companion of, same as
a cannry bird. Wben he gets to understand the human voice he will obey
Only a Man.
Mrs. Peck (coiitoinpuinnRlyt-Whnt
ere yon. anyhow, n mnn nr a mouse?
Mr. Peck (hltterlyi-A mun, my denr.
if 1 were only n iiinuse I'd have you
np on the table yelling for dear life
'lirht uow!
orders. The trouble with the rat In
that we have uot sought to elevate
hlm. Wo have gone right along calling hlm a rat, looking upon bim as a
rat mid knocking hla bead off as a rut.
Suppose we start In lo use him us
poodle dogs ore used?" ■
"If there. Is a rut down cellnr I hope
ynu will net a trap fur him at mice."
"Then your hope will be blasted. I
don't propose to pitch luto a rut and
take Ids life Just because he happens
tu mnke ii friendly cull ou the cellar
If Ihe cook knew beans when she saw
them she would hnve slapped und
studied the rodent she saw and learned somethlug uf natural history."
"Perhaps you are going down to
study hlm?"
"Thai's just wbat I am going to
du." replied Mr. Bowser, though a second before he hadn't the remotest idea
uf II. He bad taken the rat's side
through obstinacy. "Yes, I have long
desired nn apportuulty to study the
rat from the point of the naturalist.
nnd bere II Is. If he hasn't gone I
shall get some notes to add tn natural history. For Instance, I do not
know aud I do nut believe thnt nnc
person In ten thousand knows how
many toes a rat bus. I do mil know
whether he stands up or lies down to
sleep. 1 do not know whether he can
bang by bis tall or uut. 1 do not know
what effect a kindly human voice muy
bare on blm."
Studiea Natural History.
"And you'll go down cellnr nnd study
hlm!" exclaimed Mrs. Bowser with
considerable contempt In her tones.
"I will, mndiiiu. I am going now. I
shall tell tbe cook to keep an quiet ns
possible, und I wnnt ynu tc do Hie
same. If Ibat old jailer eyed cat
cames sneaking down I'll brain her
with the shovel!"
In the dining room he stopped for
brend and cheese, nnd. hnvlng descend.
ed lo the cellnr, be turned ou the gns
nnd looked for the cook's rat. He was
there. He hnd found tbe place comfortable nnd hnd decided to take possession fnr the summer. If tiie conk
bnd thrown a bucket of conl nt hlm
Instead of running away he would
hnve reasoned Hint tire fnifllly were
"ngln" hlm nnd gone farther to find a
summer hoarding plnce. He disappeared among the kindling wood nt
sigh! uf Mr. Bowser. Tbls gnve the
stirilotit of natural history time to
sweep a denr space on the cellar bottom ticuticiliig ma crumbs nud draw
np a but te sit on He l.sd been ready
ten mil.men when ttw rodent appeared. .Mr. .hovr-wt hadn't brought pencil
uud paper, bin be made some mental
notes, as follewa:
"Some slight hesitation on the part
nf-the* rat, but as I smiled he came
ftji-wnrd. 1 .nm prooiibly tne ouly tu*-
iiin ii being that ever smiled nt a rat
uiiil Hie only one to observe, tbe iui-
mcdi.ile effect. ,
"Hat is uow devouring the crumbs.
Seems to have the uiiuost coulidence
in ine. -
"1 uttered a cough, and the rat shied
off. 1 smlied a smile, aud he returned.
A.dog or cat is a fool beside a rat
"Still eating and his coulidence growing, lie loolis nt me hi' a way tbat
says he's willing to tic friends if I am.
"1 can now rise from the chair, and
the rut renin Ins undisturbed. Js there
any other animal whose coulidence can
be won so siwihIIIj? Works on natural history might to mention tbls.
"1 have been softly humming the air
of a song. Every action of the rat expresses pleasure. I am almost satis-
fled that a rat could be taught to
warble within a few days. If he can.
think what u saving of bird gravel!
"I have just given utterance to several profane words, and tbe rat has
retreated several feet and Is looking at
me reproachfully—anotber point not
mnde In natural history. Clergymen
are at liberty to use this incident from,
the pulpit If they wish. It sbould have
an Instant effect.
"I am humming the,alr of a hymn,
and the rat Is almost nt my foot and
looking up at me as If he felt emotion,
Can ruts be Influenced to lead better
lives? If this oue shows emotion over
one hymn, wbat would be show at an
old fushloned camp meeting! 1 may
.have struck a matter that the whole"*
world will soon be arguing about,
"1 bave whistled a merry tune at the
rat, and tie has become more lively.
Is It possible that rats' temperaments
nre the same aa lu human beings? Are
there downcast ruts and .vivacious
. Reaesrches Abruptly End.
At tills pulut Mrs. Bowser appeared
at the head of the cellar stairs nnd
cnlled down to know bow the rat question progressed. Mr. Bowser's rodent
fled at once, and he .shouted up:
"Didn't 1 tell you to keep quiet up
there! Your coming bus scared the
rat away, Don't appear again. I'm
getting some painters that'll knock the
naturalists colder 'n a wedge."
"And lots of rheumatism!" she added
as she wnlked tinny.
For fifteen minutes Mr. Bowser hummed, whistled aiid swore, but without
bringing back the rat. We all know-
Ill tn for n mini of patience, however,
and he hung right on. It was very
quiet down there, and after a lilt he
began tn nnd. He mused up two or
three times, but tbe nods finally be.
came a doze. Then of a sudden an
awful scream resounded through the
house. Mi's. Bowser started downstairs nnd Mr. Bowser up. They met
In the dining room. Five or six big
rats were clinging to htm. and (its fnce
was ghastly white and bis eyes bunging out.
"Out nf the bock door!" screamed
Mrs. Bowser as she led the way.
In u minute more Mr. Bowser was
rolling over nnd over on the grass.
This was more tban the rats had bargained fnr, and they cut nnd ran. He
rose up nnd galloped twice around the
yard, nnd then Mrs. Bowser caught
hlm and sternly snid:
"You've gone out of the rnt business!   Come Into tbe house wltb me!"
And It was nil of hnlf an hour later
before he could say to her:
"Woman, don't think I don't understand whose hand Is In this business
and thnt I won't have my revenge at
a proper time!"
A Changed Condition.
"It Is nearly Six months now since I
hnve tasted meat"
"On a diet, eh?"
"Hnve yon noticed any change in
your condition?"
"1 should any I hnve. I've been able
tn pay up nearly nil tny1 old debts. In
another month I'll lie absolutely lude-
pendent."-Clilcag(  llecurd-Herald.
I     Art's Discouragements.
"Why du sn many theaters close ln
the summer time?"
"Because." answered tbe burlesque
manager, "people can't be exiiected to
tnke much Interest In comic opera coa
tunics during the seaside bathing dis
play."-Washington Star.
Doesn't Vst.
Brown - Yes, I'm acquainted wltb
your wife, old mini. 1 knew her before
you married.her.
Smith -Ah. that's where you bad thi.
advantage of ine-l dldn t!-New York
Life.  ■
But No Men.
She—I think I'rofessot Fnddy's vlewk
are sound.  Don't yuu. iny denr?
He-Oh, yes; all sound-Baltimore
Adoni da Barber,
Oh, yeas, I Ilka pluynta wal
My Oeeslness, alilough
Some lime lie ain't an pretta gold
An' some time pretta slow.
I Ilka   Merlcana man.
He loka me. you list.
An' some lime wanta aha.e too queeok
An' sails me upsat.
Some time he gatta gay weeth me
An' spi-eeng you calls "bull."
He tweest hees face an' say: "Oh, yeet
Von hava lieeira pull.
Why don't yon sand you' rarer to
Ha blackasmeeth?" be say.
But I don't satin mart weeth tieetn."
He have such goods way.
I. Ilka shave heem pretta wot
Kxeep' some time maybe
He eats da onion too much
An* some time choka me.
An' 'inn he loka me some mo-e.
Know playnts wel he can.
He six "You talltt by my br'ath
1 am a strongo mnn!"
-Boston tjioho.
Arnold Lupton Seriously Diiturbed a
Very Important Speech,
There was an amusing scene in the
course of the debated on the budget
I in Parliament last week, says T. P.
O'Connor in M.A.P. Mr. Joynson-
I Hicks, wbo defeated Winsten,Churchill
' at Manchester, was Bpeaking against
the first clause when suddenly he was
interrupted by a noiBe—loud, clamorous, even .strident. Then there came*
a wild outburst of hilarity; where-
upon Mr. Joynson-Hicks drew himself up and declared with great dignity that the Government were not
going to put him down by clamor.
If Mr. Joynson-Hicke had been an old!
member his mistake would have been
the more intelligible'. In olden days
members who were supposed to be
talking too much were subjected to
strange noises, which have disappear'
ed in these more restrained times from
the field ol Parliament.
It was quite usual—especially when
the morning sun was streaming into*
the House—for a member to find himself suddenly arrested in. the middle
of his speech by the crowing of a cock,
Jimmy Lowther, a unique member
who has found no successor, Waa the
greatest of all the artists at the performance of these roundelays, and
many a time has he delighted' hie
friends by such prolonged and noisy
outbursts as would have made him
the ideal representative of the chief
part in the play of "The Chanticleer."
which M. Rostand is about to produce In Paris. But nowadays, as f
have said, one never • hears these*
shocking breaches of decorum. We*
live in a gentler age.
It was not, then, any untimely burst
of intentional interruption which*
broke in upon the even flow of Mr.
Joynson-Hicks' eloquence; it was
nothing more serious and, nothing less
innocent than' the noise of a anore;
The snore came from Arnold Lupton,
the member lor 8leaford—that is to
say, the man who ousted Mr. Chaplin from a Beat he had held for Well"
nigh forty years.
Mr. Lupton is one of the characters
of the House. He represents that
hatred and dread of vaccination which
is one of the modern erases; calculates
that many thousands are killed every
year by the accursed thing, and
periodically asks questions on every
case of vaccination which gets into
the newspapers.
Handsome Cross Will Mark Grave* st
The accompanying illustration
shows the outline of a monument to-
be erected and unveiled at the Gross?
Isle Quarantine Station, located in
the middle of the River St. Law-
rence, 47 miles east of Quebec, to>
mark the graves of the ninny thousands of Irish emigrants who were-
forccd to leave Ireland during the*
terrible famine of 1846-47 that decimated one million of Ireland's population. This monumpnt is being erected by the Ancient Order of Hibernians*
in Anierica, but the unveiling, to take-
place on the 15th of August next, will"
be observed by the Irish race in Am-
erica us an international event. Besides the Papal Ablegate, Beverul archbishops and bishops, together with a.
number of priests from various centres of the United States and Canada,
will be present to assist, likewise a>
number of prominent Irishmen and
their descendants. The executive-
committee, composed of the national
president, Bro. Matthew Cummings,
of Boston, Mass., and. members of the*
order in Quebec, have almost conn-
pleted arrangements for the dedication, which, it is said, will be one ot
the grandest and most impressive-
ceremonies ever witnessed in Canada,
The Irish emigrants who were shipped to the west spread the disease in
every direction. Many died in King/
Bton, Toronto and other Ontario centres, and among the clergy who died?
while administering to them was the*
then Catholic Archbishop of Toronto,
the Rt. Rev. Dr. Power.
The monument is granite, and will'
•be 46 feet in height, from base to
summit, the base 15x131-2 feet, and
will be surmounted by a Celtic cross
28 feet high, the arms being 8 feet
wide. There will be four panels,,
which will have appropriate inscriptions—one in French, one in English,
and one in Gaelic. The plan of tbe*
monument is artistic in design, and
extremely pleasing in its handsome',
unique appearance.
A Many-Sided Man.
Sir Claude Champion de Crespigny
is a most remarkable man. Descended*
from u family which ranked high in-
Normandy before the doys ol .William*
the Conqueror, he seems to re-embody
all the fighting and sporting qualities,
of his far-away forefathers. Nothing:
comes amisB to him. An intrepid balloonist, he has also been, at one time-
or another war coiiespoDd'nt. steeplechaser, boxer, swimmer, fencer, soldier, Bailor, wrestler, and big-game*
hunter. He haa been through many
perilous adventures, but nothing cam
quench the courage of. Sir Claude. THE   REPORTER.   NEW   MICHEL,   BRITISH   COLUMBIA.
It Suited the Young Lovers, So
They Obediently Eloped.
tCopyHBht,  1909,  by Associated  Literary
■ Ex-Judge Sherman and. the Han.
Samuel Morton bad been friends for
years. Tbey belonged to the same
cbttrcb nnd tbe same party, lived within sight of each otber, and away back
wben Walter Morton was In knickerbockers and Edith Sherman wore her
hair In a single braid down ber back
tbe fathers hinted to eaoh other about
a possible, marriage. Tbelr friendship
bad often been tested, but bad stood
tbe strain.
it was only a natural sequence that
when Walter was twenty and Edith
/ eighteen Cupid should begin to play
his pranks. There was to be no marriage yet for two or tbree years, but
the fathers looked on and winked at
eacb otber. Things were coming out
aa they bad hoped for.
They didn't see tbe shadow sitting
between tbem, bat it was there. Neither man had been a too ambitious
politician. If such bnd been the case
the shadow would have come long before, draft and politics mix, but
friendship stands aside.
But suddenly one day tbe trouble
came. Without notice a committee
waited nn the ex-judge and asked blm
to tnke tbe nomination for representative In congress. On tbe same day a
second committee waited on the honorable and asked him to do the same
Neither of the gentlemen bad ever
expressed a wish to go to cougress.
Why should political ambition suddenly flame up now. Probably because of
the spirit of rivalry Inherent In every
human breast. Eacb b 'aid of tbe honor tendered the other. Vol, It was in
tbe most brotherly spirit tbnt they met
again. During tbe first fire minutes
each offered to stand aside for tbe
other. During tbe next ten eacb decided tbnt be ought to accept.
At the end of half an hour there was
Then came the break. Tbe men pnrt-
ed iu wrath. Tbe party malingers were
■bk BPnAHo okp nan cbaib aso took «
cute enough to realize thut witb the
two opposed to each other the battle
would be lost, aud dually tbe nomination went to another. But the harm
bud been dune. The ex-Judge and the
honorable were out and saylug hard
things of each other.
Of coarse the break reacted ou the
lovera. They refused to be bound by
It, but tbe outlook was gloomy.
The ex-ludge Mild to his daughter
when the matter was brought up:
"I always liked Walter, but I think
you had best cull tbls matter off and
hnve done wltb It, You can't expect
to mnrry a son of my enemy nnd
take any comfort. Wbo Is the lion.
Hiimuel Morton, I'd like to know, to
think blmself the only mini In thin
district to represent It lu tbe boune*'
Think nf Ihe Impudence of it!"
Aud when Walter cuine home from
college uud spoke of his marriage as If
the break hud nothing to do with the
lovers the honorable, bis father, was
prompt to say:
"Etllib Is n nice girl and a sweet girl.
Inn she must have Inherited more or
less of her father's disposition. He was
Insolent to me, my boy-Insolent tc
your father! After due thought I believe you will give Edltb up."
After due thought Walter decided
fiot to do any such thing. He was not
prohibited from calling, though all the
-family except Edith kept ont nf th>
way. Just how or when things would
mend wns worrying the brains of the
lovers hot a little wben the puzzle ni
Halved In a most unexpected wuy. The
Hon. Morton Invited bis son Into the
library to say to htm:
"Walter, ynu do not seem to hare
•riven Edith up yetr
■•No. sir." was the firm reply.
"I'm sure you can never get the con-
«?nt of the Judge."
"We shall wait and hope."
"Utu! I don't know but whnt I have
Jt better plan. I hnve nothing again*',
tne girl, bnt I would like to get square
mHi her father. I'm sure thnt he's
"•ulllng to refuse you her band, It
wits lust such n ens,, when 1 married
""our mother, nnd ,wnn» did 1 day Got
r.'** io elope with mo."
'Hut. father, ynn don't mean"-
■'Hllt I do. The fnth»** don't wnnt
,jrt!ii in mnrry the daughter. Therefore
mnrry her."
And It might hnve been on the same
evening nnd nt the same hour thnt the
1 Judge said tu his daughter after tcolaV
Ing ber for going nbout with tears <n
her eyes and her face giving warning
ot au early decline:
i "Edltb, the Hon. Samuel Morton
thinks that son uf his loo good fnr you,
and If he knows you are. worrying It
will be cake for him."
"1 don't think he feels tbat way,
papa," waB tbe bumble reply,
"But | kuow the old mun, you see.
He's good ut heart, but be's obstinate
beyond belief, und politics baa spoiled
blm sadly. I think, however, Waiter
takes after bis mother. You are engaged to hlm, are you?" .
"Then T wouldn't let Ids father spoil
your life. I'd marry Walter tn spite ot
"Ob, papa, but how?" exclaimed the
girl as she sprang off ber chair and
took u sudden interest ln life.
"Wbat did your motber and 1 do
when my father objected?"
"You eloped. She's told me about It
a dozen times! Oh, papa, It Walter
only would elope!"
Walter was willing, as he Informed
her on the next night ln fact, he bad
decided that was tbe only thing to do.
All be feared waa thnt sbe might not
consent, and It filled bis soul with joy
to learn that Bhe would.
For very good reasons neither of tbe
lovers mentioned tbe fuct that tbelr respective fathers bad counseled elopement as tbe panacea. Tbey decided to
go at It and lay tbelr plana so carefully that failure need not be feared.
A few days later tbe Hon. Samuel
Morton said to hla son:
"Walter, ln regard to that little affair, you mlgbt extend tbe honeymoon
trip to Europe aud give tbnt mule of a
futber of hers time to get over It. Better take this check for 13,000 now
There will be no farewells when you
"Then you don't think the judge
would give her to me?"
"Never! He want* to get even with
mc, you see. Run along now and make*
youf own arrangements."
And again It might bave been the
same hour aud evening wben tbe Judge
said to his daughter, having Urst taken bet* arm aud led her to a seat on
the lawn:
"Edltb. you may remember I was
spcaklui. to you on a particular matter
a few JayB ago?"
"Yes. papa."
"Have you anything to report at this
time"' In otber words, did you hint to
Walter that If 1 continued obdurate
you would be willing to brave my
wrath by consenting to an elopement?"
"I Just hinted something like tbat.
papa. You know I could not come
right out and say ao."
"No, you couldn't Bow did he take
"He—he sain" he was also ready to
brave the wrath of his rather."
"Good! 1 trust tie Hon'. Samuel
Morton will get a jar same of tbese
fine mornings. If you nre gettbig a lot
of .new garments together, and I think
you nre, you may need several new
trunks. Just order them. When parked tell William to drive them tn the
depot for you. If I were In Walter's
place I believe I ahould make the tour
of Europe. His father will make u
great howl over the things, and It
will take several weeks for blm to get
his breath bark. You might kiss me
now, Edith, as I'm a rather sound
sleeper, you knnw. And here's a check
for $1,001). It's a birthday present or
something of thnt sort."
The lovers hnd decided tbat tbere
waB no cause for grent baste about tbe
elopement, but It Anally came off according to schedule. A visit wns first
paid to the house nf u minister whn
bnd been seen tn the afternoon, and
nfter the twain hnd been made one
they rode to the depot In a closed carriage snd were off.
No enraged and bloodthirsty parents
pursued, nor was the telegraph appealed to to stop them nt all hazards.
The newly wed tried their hardest tn
feel scared and heroic by turns, but
It was a ruther tnme nflnlr.
At breakfast next morning It wns
nnnounced In one bouse thnt Walter
was gone and tn the other Hint Edith
could not lie found. Two mothers shed
tears nnd two fathers chuckled. An
hour Inter the twn fathers met on the
street. They stopped to eye ench other, nnd nfter n moment the Hon. Samuel Marlon chuckled:
"Well. Walter has got ber lu spite of
"No, slr-no. sir!" chuckled the
judge. "She has got Walter In spite of
"Rut I knew they were going to
elope!" *
"And I knew tbe same!"
And after Hint what could twn sensible men nnd fnthers do but shake
builds, bridge the chasm nnd forward
a Joint telegram nf congratulations?
Something Which Hs Lesrnet
A soft answer has tint only the effect
of turning awny wrath: It mny serve
to avenge an Injury. Years ago tbe
Itev. J. H. Jones was mnking a visit In
Boston and attended u biweekly conference nt Divinity hall. Just ot thai
time he was nut of wins with the east,
and his address reflected an acrid
mood. Especially did he Insist that
"they didn't knnw everything down In
Judee" or even In Cambridge.
When he sat down there wns a nw
nientury buab, nnd tben Ihe line Dean
Everett slowly rose. He began In bis
usual soft and Hesitating tone. •Then
are doubtless a great iniiny things
which we know nnd he does not"
Then followed n pause, during whlcb
ench mnn held his breath, fnr the dean
was known tn carry on Ills lips n dagger which sometimes found Its unerr
Ing wny to the hearts of men and
things, but after due pause be conttn
iied gently:
"And chief among them Is how glafl
we always are to see kliu."-Youtb'i
And Also the Reason Why Hs Wai
After th* Medical Man.
"Yes, your honor," said, tbe man
who bad been arrested for driving bis
automobile at an Illegal rate of speed.
"1 admit that 1 was running thirty
miles an hour, but 1 was going for
the doctor."
"Ob, you were, going for tbe doctor,
eh? Can you offer any proof to substantiate thut statement?"
">es. I can bring ln tbe doctor
himself as a witness, If necessary."
"TJui! Tbut ougbt to make a difference. Tbe law Is explicit but we
must grant that tbere may be extenuating circumstances. There bave
been times when tbe court would bave
been glud to run thirty miles au hour
If tbe court could bave done so. Certainly a man shonld not be beld too
strictly to the provisions of the law
If he hap-iens to violate It for tbe purpose of trying to save a life. Tbe
court Is very strongly Inclined to dismiss tbe case, Did you etpiaiu to tbe
officer who arrested you tbat you were
going for tbe doctor?"
"Yes. yonr honor."
"Ottlcer, wbat hnve you to say*!"
"Well, your bonor, l asked tjlm.
wben he said be was going fnr 'the
doctor, wbat be waa going tor tbe doctor for." I
"Yes. Tbat waa very sensible. Wbat
was be going for tbe doctor for?"
"For to take the doctor and two
young ladles fnr a ride, as 1 found out
unbeknownst lo blm."
"Thirty dollars and costs."
The Way He Secured a Ran Pise* el
Dresden War*.
We should cultivate our fancy fnr old
cblua as did tbe late Mr. Wertbelmer,
tbe art dealer, concerning whom tbere
Is a story tbat every bargain buuter
sbould take to heart
Wertbelmer was one day passing
through Mayfalr wben be noticed a
sale about to take place ot tbe "turnl
ture and bousebold effects of a deceased nobleman." He walked through
tbe rooms where dealers were critically examining choice specimens of undoubtedly genuine Chlpi«Midnle and
Sheraton, Interspersed among early
Victorian furniture, hla eyea apparently dwelling on nothing. But wben tbe
sale was about to commence be asked
tbe auctioneer If be would take to.ouu
for everything In the bouse.
Tbe offer was accepted. "Now you
can resell everything for me," said Mr.
Wertbelmer, "except tins," aud he took
down from tbe mantelpiece a dirty ornament some nine luetics nigb nnd put
It Into bis pocket. I' wus a piece of
tbe rarest Dresden, bearing tbe covet
ed murk ot the wand of Aesculapius,
wbleb he afterward sold fnr £lu.ouo.  ,
How tbe dealers metaphorically kicked themselves for overlooking It aud
how tbey bid against one number In
tbe chance ot securing a similar treasure Is still a tradition In Bond street-
London Chronicle.
8h* Mskes a Suggestion.
"How beautiful aud clean tbe hnrl-
loo looks," said I'ully as ou tbe second
day out sbe came up on deck and
threw ben-elf down lu tbe steamer
chair beside me.
"Well It ought to be." said I. looking
up from my bonk. "Tbe captain has
been sweeping It wltb bis glass tor
tbe past six hours."
"Tbat reminds me," Mild folly, turn-
Ing two very grave brown eyea upon
me. "Did you remember tn bring that
vacuum cleaner alung wltb yon, as I
suggested V"
"No," said I unwarily. "I remembered to forget It. however. Wbat on
earth does anybody want wltb a
vacuum cleaner at sea V"
"It was only fur you, dear." said
Polly. "I thought you would like to
have your bruins massaged wltb It occasionally,"—New York Times.
Th* Minister's Tools.
No workman cun do good work without sulbclent hails. Bisiks lire the
minister's tools. He must have them
If be Is lo serve tils people well. Vet
many a minister's salary Is an amall
thnt he Is unable in provide the commonest necessities for Ills family and
have enough left lo supply himself
wltb needed books. The church that
mnkes It Impossible for Ita pastor to
buy honks barms Itself even more than
It harms the minister-Cumberland
In our republican atmosphere old
fashioned etiquette baa ceased to be
necessary, but the word "etiquette" Is
suggested whenever one bears the
phrase "that's the ticket." fur "etiquette" Is French fnr "ticket." nnd Its
present English signification sprang
from tbe old custom of distributing
tickets or etiquettes which cnutulned
tbe ceremnnles, etc., tn be observed
at any formal event, exnrtly like our
word "program,"
An Alibi.
Exnmlner-Whnl Is an alibi? Candidate For the Hur-An alibi Is committing n crime In one plnce when you
are In another place. If ynu can lie In
twn other places, Ihe alibi Is all tbe
stronger In law.-l'uek,
"Marriage Is a Intlery." qnoted the
wise guy.
"Oh. that's nn antiquated Iden." observed Ihe simple mug. "Nnwndnys
It's n game uf sklll."-l'bllndelphln
The fellow whn doesn't allnw an
alarm clock tn Interfere with his morning imp Imtstrniositie triumph nf mind
over matter.-I'hlinncipnia Record.
Football Player Has Had His Shop
Looted Every Christina* For Thirty
Years—Parisian Concierge Supplied
Information Gratis — The Raffles'
Guild Become Grim In Their Jetting at Times!
Whatever other people may do, It
is improbable that Mr. William McGregor, "Father ol s the' Football
League," will appreciate the humor ol
the busy burglar, says Tit-Bits. Every
ChristmaBtide for thirty years Mr. Bill
Bikes has celebrated his merry Christmas by visiting Mr. McGregor's ehop
at Birmingham. Last year he turned
up sb usual, probably with a naughty
little twinkle in his'eye, only, however, to find the shop stripped ol
everything worth takipg away. The
wily Scot, having had enough ol him,
had removed into new burglar-proot
The burglar is not generally regarded as a funny man. But there are occasions when he seems ; as lond ol
cracking a joke ns of cracking a crib,
and this amid circumstances calculated to depress the gayest heart. Some
time ago one of the craft broke into a
village school at Oxford, and having
selected such articles aa attracted his
attention, he espied a blackboard, and
thereon chalked the old familiar
greeting, "Good morning. Huvj you
used Peats' soap?'.'
In another instance a certain Mme.
David, concierge of the Boulevard
Voltaire in Paris, having Lusiness on
the ,top floor of the Data of whicb
she was in charge, hung up this notice: "The concierge is upstairs." By
the time she came dowu again the
contents of her apartments hud been'
rifled, and, glancing at thi; notice she
had put up, found it bad been reversed, and that Bill Sikes had written on the back a memorandum ol
his grateful thanks. "Much obliged
lor the tip," were the words: '"all has
gone off well." And it had, too; ail
that was worth taking, that is.
A grimmer sort of humor, however,
ia sometime evident. Even Mark
Twain, that man of ten thousand jokes
—himself burgled more than once—
wouid probably laugh at the joke ol a
burglar who got into a house in the
north oi England some time ago. His
valuable haul waB stuffed into a Gladstone bag. Just as he waa coming
downstairs he was met by a substantial figure in white, with a silver candlestick in hand. It was that of the
butler, who cried out: "Here! Here,
1 say; come back, you!"
"I beg your purdon," answered the
burglar, as he once more mounted the
stairs to where the butler stood. "Ah,
thanks. Of course—the silver candlestick." Instantly blowing out the
light, he seized the candlestick and
made his way swiftly to the bottom ol
the stairs. Then with hiB hand on the
door-handle he paused a second, and
shouted back: "Are you Bure that 1
have forgotten nothing elBe?"
: The humor ol tho burglar olten
comeB out in his disappointments, as
well as in his grateful realizations.
He enters a house expecting to find
valuables, and discovers nothing for
hiB trouble and pains except twopenny-ha'penny knick-knucks. The
writer remembers reading a while
back of a case of this kind. "By your
deceit," bo ran the note which the
burglars left behind ou a table in the
iiouse, "you have caused os considerable loss ol valuable time. Your plate
is cheap electro, and your candelabra
made in Germany."
Though Bill Sikos probably knows
as well us anybody thut it is dangerous to leave his handwriting about
as hiB finger-prints, his sense of humor, as is evident, often overcomes
his sense ol Becurity. There was a
man who, disgraced in his practice
as a medical man, gradually drifted
into burglary, und in due time became known to his intimates, and
then to the poiice as Dr. Jack. One
night the doctor and one of his friends
entered a house. Having mode a
gwid haul and packed up, they went
down into the kitchen for supper. All
that they could find for the meal was
a partiy-consumed tin of salmon.
Tliii they scorned, and the doctor left
behind half a sheet of notepaper on
which wus written: "Do you expect
us lo eat tinned sulmou alter what!
the 'loctora have said about it?" Unhappily lor the fustidinus doctor, the
detectives knew his handwriting, and
presently he wus sent where even tin-
HM buin.ui' wouid be regarded us a
veritable dainty.
Some oi the "scholars," ub shop
thieves ure called by their friends,
have given nil Islington tailor a
quaint notice, which is attracting
many people.   Il says:
Measrs Help Yourselves & Co.
II the two light-fingered, smart
young gentlemen who helped them-
selves to u roll oi green suiting ou 4th
June will kindly return same, we will
uiuke tlieiii each u suit of clothes
which win certainly help them to look
But instances of the humor ol bur-
glurs could be multiplied almost in-
ueiiiiitciy, so this article had better
end witn a note left behind by one
wllo had operated in the house ol a
Scottish trader: "I.O.U. lor silver
spoons, ditto lorks, 2 ditto candle-
flicks, 1 ditto iiii>stund, and £15 in
An Amusing Pier Notice,
It has been decided to remove the
notice on the pier ut Yarmouth, Isle
ol Wight, which runs us follows:
"Any person going on the pier without first producing his railway ticket
or paying the authorized toli or insulting or annoying the pierinaster or
any other official, is liable to « fine
ol £5." The matter was mentioned
at the meeting ot the Yarmouth
Town Trust, when the chairman
ssked who wns responsible lor the
r.utice on the nier which had been the
subject of a reference in Punch. The
clerk stated that' the notice wns put
up before their time—St. Jumea'
Trophies Wrested From th* Cruasdsrs
Found In th* Sudan.
Among tbe trophies of arms displayed ou the walls of Windsor castle
one of tbe most Interesting of tbe long
series la a group of weapons and armor \
Bent to Queen Victoria by Lord Kitchener after the Oongola campaign on
the upper Nile In 1SSW.
The trophy consists of a coat of
chain mall, a number of spears aud a
long cross bilted sword. On tbe
straight steel blade of tbe sword tbere
Is an Inscription In odd fashioned letters: "No me saques sin razon. No me
entralnes'sln honor."
Tbe words are Spanish, but the same
motto was inscribed on sword blades
In tbe days of chivalry ln most of the
languages of Europe. Its meaning is
the knightly rule for all wbo bear the
sword: Do not draw me without reason. Do not sheathe me without honor.
The weapon was taken from the
abandoned camp of Wad Rlshara, the
dervish general, after the battle of
Hatlr (Sept 23. 18061. How came a
blade wltb such a motto to be found
lu a Moslem bivouac In the heart of
tbe Sudan?
Tbe presence of tbese crusader
swords In tbe Sudan Is not so difficult
to explain, ln the thirteenth century
the Mohammedan caliphs of Egypt not
only carried on nuccessful wnrs
against tbe crusaders In Syria, destroying the last vestiges of .the Latin
kingdom of Jerusalem, but also defeated two attempts of tht' Europeans
to Invade Egypt Itself, one of tbem
led jy ft. Louis of France.
Enormous quantities of western
arms nnd warlike equipments must
bnve thus passed into tbe possession
of tbe Mohammedan conquerors.—
Chambers' Journal..
An Infantile Habit That Sometime*
Sticks and Br**d* Trouble.
Once In awhile a rare stammering
case comes to tbe laboratory where
there's nothing the matter wltb tbe
child-the matter! la wltb his dear
mamma. In 1005 Dr. Wltmer examined a boy of twelve who talked baby
talk—a bright, alert youngster, to all
appearances normal. But nobody conld
understand a word be uttered—except
mamma; sbe understood It all perfectly. "1-aw-ow-ay" wns t« her
ear "I want to go out to play" a*
plain aa anything could be. It wns ber
tender custom to reply likewise, and
sbe took pride In the thought tbat she
had never allowed ber Willie to associate wltb tbe children on the block,
Sbe bad enconraged him to be ber
baby and "kept him from growing up
too soon" by prattling to blm.
Except for tils unintelligible language, tbe examination did not reveal
a defect, physical or mental. In the
boy, and Dr. Wltmer waa forced *.o
tbe conclusion that tbe trouble lay In
tbe persistence of an Infantile bablt of
articulutlon for whlcb tbe mother wna
solely responsible. Through sentimentality and overindulgence "she had
almost ruined bis chances for a useful and possibly successful life.''
(Psychological clinic. March, 1907.1
Months of painstaking, expert labor
hnd to be expended u|x>n blm to break
up the bablt his motber bad carefully
developed before lie could even begin
to make himself understood by any
one else.-Dr. Wltmer of Yale In McClure's Magazine,
Almost Disbelieved H*r Eyes.
"Among the memories of my boyhood." said a New York man. "tbere
Ib one odd episode tbilt Is particularly
vivid. It la a conversation tbnt 1 overheard one morning na 1 walked toward
tbe Boston high school between two
"Tbe women were talking about ba-
bles-their size, weight health, and so
" 'Why, when I war a week old,' said
the first woman, '1 was sucb a little
baby tbat they put me In a quart pot
and put the lid on over me."
"The other woman was amazed and
horrified. 'And did yon live?' sbe
"They say I did,' ber friend answered.
"'Well, well, welir exclaimed the
second womnn. And she glanced at
tbe other utmost doubtfully."
In th* Wrong Place.
A one legged Welsh orator named
Jones was pretty successful In bantering nn Irishman, when tbe latter
nsked hitn:
"Uow did yon come to lose your
"Well." said Jnnes. "on" examining
my pedigree and looking up my descent I found I here was some Irish
blood In me, nnd. becoming convinced
thnt tl wns setlled in tbe left leg, 1
had II cut off ol nnce,"
"Hy Ihe powers," said Pat, "It would
have been u very good thing If It bad
only settled In your head I"—London
Th* Fool.
He wns a noble lord, and be was In
an awful rage wltb oue of bis footmen.
"It Is Intolerable!" he exclaimed.
"Are yon n fool, or am It"
"Oh, my lord." replied James, with
humility, iinxlous to appease the grent
mnn, "I nm sure you would not keep
a servant who was a fool."
Th* Greatest Inventor.
Tcncher-Wlio Is tbe greatest In-
venlor? Knaggy nnlred Pupil-Pat
Pending. I guess. I see bis name on
mere Inventions tban 1 do any otbet
Recant Pared* ef th* Fleet on th* Solent Recalls Farmer Displays ot
Warships—George III. Originatad
th* Cjjstom at Known To-day, But
Henry VIII. Held a Review of Hit
Little Flotilla—Victoria's Pageant
The great naval review in the Solent of a few days ago recalls some
of the most magnificent spectacles ot
past days.
Before the time ol the Hanoverian
regime reviews of;our fighting ships
were few and far between. Elizabeth
held a review ol her ships at Tilbury,
when ahe gathered her troops there
in readiness for the Spanish invasion
by the formidable Armada. Her lather, Henry VIII,, had also once -reviewed his scanty array of war Teasels wben bit notable ship, the Great
Harry, was added to the number, and
supposed to be the one and only
Dreadnought ol ita day.
It was George III. who first began
the system of review* of the fleet aa
we know it today. He wa* present
at tbree such spectacles during hit
long reign, and in 1784 there was a
mock fight of the ships fnr his benefit.
But a review at that time was mad*
the occasion oi showing how shipt
could fight rather than a display of
bunting, illuminations, and festivity.
The victory of Trafalgar flrst drew
general attention to our fleet, and a
great review waa held in 1814, in honor of the peace bo soon to be broken.
This review was to celebrate, too, the
visit of the allied sovereigns to England, and was the occasion ol a gal-*,
lunt display ol Bhips.
George IV. was present at two reviews during his teu years' occupancy
of the throne, though neither of them
waa particularly famous either Ior
number oi vessels' attending or lor
any striking incident*.
It was Queen Victoria who gave the
review of the fleet its greatest signification in modem times. In 1843 she
held her first review, with the Prince
Consort, and it is noteworthy that
nearly every ship she saw at that time
was after the pattern ol the old Victory, moored close by the place where
the review was. Steam waa used in
the navy at this time, but by lar the
greater proportion ol warships still depended on the wind for motive-power.
There was a naval demonstration in
1844 in honor of the visit ol King
Louis Phillippe, who was accompan-
led by a French squadron.
It was at the memorable review of
1863 that the late Queen for the first
time in history saw a navy that waa
independent of Bails and wind for its
progress. The screw-propeller, too,
had actually appeared on some vessels
by this date. And it is worth mentioning that the present King accompanied Queen Victoria at the review,
and saw hia future fleet lor the first
time. ,
A striking spectacle was that of
March 10, 1864, when the late Queen
reviewed the fleet going out to actual
flght in the Crimean War. Her Majesty, in the royal yacht, herself led the
way into the Channel, and there bode
fie departing ships "God speed" amid
t'irrific cheering by the Bailors.
The review of 1873, for the Shah of
Tersia's visit, when that monarch
went with the then Prince of Wales
round the assembled vessels, brought
another fact home to the mind ol our
future King. Wood was going; iron
wns coming, as the material for constructing warships. The "wooden
walls" of Nelson's days had nearly all
passed uway, and the royalties present ut that review in 1873 saw tbe
new stylo of ship in its infancy.
The year 1878 witnessed a fine review which wus memorable because
the lute Queen for the first time saw
the new "turret" vessels, eight ol
Ihem, the latest and greatest wonders
of hor magnificent navy.
The anniversary reviews of 1887 and
when Britain all over the world
went wild with joy ut the Coronation
jubilees of the late Quoen, will still
be fresh in many minds.    That 1807
review, with the greatest fleet the
world hod even seen up to then—188
ships of every class brought Irom
everywhere in the worM to greet the
"Queen of the Diamond Jubilee"—was
a marvellous lesson to friend and loe
all over the world.
A Record "Sag."
Earl do Cirey, who succeeds his
father, the late Marquess of Rlpon, In
that title, is not only a clever musician—being one ul the principal supporters ol the opera In I'jiglnml—but
lie is also recognised us one of the
greatest game shots in tho country.
He began shooting when he was nine
years ol age-lie is now flfty-scvon—
and some years ago his lordship mad*,
a calculation ot the number of victims that had fallen to his gun. He I
estimated that ill the course ol twenty-
eight years he bail himself shot no
fewer than 310,630 head of game. Of
these, 111,100 wore pheasants, 89,401
partridges. 47.400 grouse, 26,747 rabbits, 'iO.417 hares. '2,7.16 snipe, 3,077
woodcock. 1..WI wild duck, 381 red
deer, 180 deer, ninety-seven pigs,
ninety-four black gnme, lorty-gve
capercailzie, nineteen sambur, a doien
buffaloes, eleven tigers, two rhinoceroses, and, in addition, a miscellaneous uHsortmunt amounting to close
upon 8,600.
Subscription For False Teeth.
The vicnr ot St. Stephen's Church,
Stepney, London, recently made a
novel appeal to his congregntion for
310 in order to purchase n set of false
teeth for an old lady parishioner who,
he stated, without Buch nrtillciol aids'
to medication, is in danger ol starving, "'imi for want of food, but lor
want of a bite."
A person who talks wllh equal vl
vnclty on every subject excites no in
terest Inanr-Hazlltt _
8torm In the Sun.
Mr. Cli-ment Wragge. a well-known
Antipodean astronomer and meteorologist, has just reported thnt a tre-
nicndous storm is raging in the sun.
He estimates the storm is 40.000 miles
in diameter, and'he thinks its "ethereal vibrations will affect the earth
and cause seismic disturbances." THJE   REPORTER,   NEW   MICHEL,   BRITISH   COLUMBIA.
A Romance That Began With the
Stealing of a Shoe.
{•Copyright,  1S09,   by Associated   Literary
Mr. Henry Browulow understood
thoroughly wby the Widow Smlthlield
bad taken tbe house next his and ignored ber existence witb frigid dignity. He kept tbnt side uf bis dwelling
closed and abandoned his favorite seat
under the catalpu, smoking his evening pipe behind the clematis.
Nevertheless bis unwelcome neighbor
obtruded on blm continually, for tbe
woman had a child and a cat, and
what wltb her own eternal singing.
tbe chatter of tbe child und the prowl
ing of the cat tbe quiet und peace
hla life were destroyed.
And bis dog Selzer was being spoiled, his disposition rasped by unending
conflicts with the cat He would
scarcely settle himself, panting from a
rush after her, wben she would b»
back, calmly promenading their walk
or sniffing insolently at their kltcbet
"Some day you'll catch and throttk
her. old fellow," Mr. Browulow en
couraged. "But keep on your owl
premises.   Mind that."
Aod Seller promptly halted at tbe
boundary fence until one dny bis ardoi
carried blm through the broken pallnf.
In tbe wake of the streak of fur and
up to tbe steps wbere the child sat
laughing nt tbe race. And that wa
hla undoing, for the child patted bt
beat', put her little arms about his
neck end loved blm, and the woman
rubbed his silky ears kindly and usked
hlm to come'often. And when be returned to bis lonely home he left bah
his heart behind and could not look hit-
master ln the eyes that nlgbt.
Thereafter tbe cat prowled unmo
Jested, nnd Seller often slipped through
tbe paling  for a surreptitious  visit
which things Mr. Brownlnw soon discovered and boiled wltb Indignation.
"Ha!" be cried. "Tbnt's her-trick—
subverting Selzer: stealing his affections, meaning, uf course, tu gain tbe
muster's finally! Go to her. If you
chouse!"' be roared to Selzer. "But
you can't belong to botb of ub!"
Seller did not believe that. He loved
both and felt Ihnt they hnd only to
meet and understand eacb other to
make it' possible for hlm to belong'to
both.   He would manage It!
Therefore, one evening as Mr. Brown-
tow moodily smoked behind his vines,
•glowering through them at the other
house, Selzer trotted up and deposited
something beside bis chair, wagging
"What It Is, old fellowr Mr. Brown-
low asked genially, having forgiven
Seller's defection. It was tbe woman's
/suit anyway—sbe was a beguiling
creature.   Even be felt that.
"Wbnt Is It. old fellow?" he repeated.
Selzer picked up tbe object and offered It as If bestowing a fortune.
I Mr. Brownlbw's feet came down off
the cistern pump wltb a bang. "Wbat
the-all creation does this mean?" He
dashed the object from blm as If
stung.   A woman's shoe!
Patient Selzer brought it bnck, looking eagerly down tbe walk. She
would be here, presently for her property.   They would meet
"Take It back Instantly!" Brownlow
•ordered. But Selzer stood his ground,
Iris ears rocked for her coming.
"Take It bnck! Take It back!" bis
master stormed, cuffing him severely.
bat for tbe flrst time tn his life Selzer
refused to nbey and, when sbe did not
cone, lay down with his nose on his
flaws, gazing nppenllngly at bis master.
"A pretty scheme-pretty scheme. Indeed!" Mr. Brownlow exploded. "Put
It Into his mouth and sent blm bere
with It. I'm to return It. of course,
nnd she'll bave her rhnnce. Oh, I see
through you, madam!"
He'd return It at once too. He
matched the shoe, which was nearly
new. Intending to fling It tn ber hack
■door, but be found It was badly gasbed
with Seller's teeth.
That would not have mattered could
be be sure the dng hiid not stnlen It.
Bat the doubt made htm pause, and he
decided he could not pitch It back In
tbat condition.
He worried over It all nlgbt, put
Selzer Into prison next morning and
worried all day, went home tbe Idng
way to avoid passing the widow's
house and found the child at tbe
feuce comforting Seizer, wbo bad barked himself hoarse.
The child tied at his approach, which
so offended blm tbat be I breateued tbe
dog ub be let hlm out with terrible
things if be did not stay at borne uud
mind his business.
After supper be fastened the doors,
drew close the blinds, lighted up and
contemplated the shoe standing impudently upon his desk. Sbe had a neat
foot, not too small for a woman of her
size. He set it beside bis own. then
blushed hotly and backed nway. studying It from a fresh viewpoint She
hud a very neat foot, aud she was a
very good looking woman, too. with a
bright smile and n cheery voice. The
pluce had seemed unbearably dull
when she' uud tbe child bud been
awuy once for a few days.
He blushed ugalu at discovering
these reflections, cuffed Selzer-for his
too Interested espionage, shimmed the
shoe In a closet ittid retired.
Next illuming he decided tbnt he
must get a new pair to replace the
ruined shoe nnd send in.such a manner that she could take no advantage
even if she hnd planned tbe situation.
Then arose niiother worry. Everybody In his town knew that he had no
womankind for whom he could be buying shoes. He wonld never hear the
last of the sly bantering. Muttering
maledictions, he journeyed to the city
with the shoe, duplicated It ln a pair
of the best and mulled them to her.
For days after he made furtive attempts to ascertain If she wore them,
and tbe Itnpresstnn that sbe was a
very good looking woman deepened
ana with it great depression of spirits
and dissatisfaction with bis life. Tbe
torn shoe was locked lu his drawer.
Mrs. Smlthlield. peacefully enjoying
ber tea one day, wus amazed nt Sel-
zer's walking In and presenting ber
with one of Mr. Browulow's large,
shining patent leathers. To hla dismay, she cast It from her as If stung.
She called heaven to witness tbat
she bad been patient with tbe Insolence of an old bachelor woman hater.
He .had mnde war upon ber ent from
the first merely to torment her. The
dog was. not to blame. He bad put
Selzer. up to stealing ber shoe merely
to torment her: he hud kept the shoe
and Insulted ber by forcing upon her
a flaunting pnlr In such a way that he
knew Bhe could not return them, merely to torment her, and now, most Insolent of all, be sent one of his flat-
boats and wns doubtless sniggering behind his old vines.
She snatched tbe shoe, rushed to
the division fence and burled It with
nil her strength Into the face of Mr.
Brownlow, who that Instant bobbed
■around the house In search of Seizer,
baring missed bis shoe. He dodged too
late with a cry and staggered to a
seat, the blood streaming from bis nose.
In two seconds horrified Mrs. Smith-
field was bending over blm wltb a wet
towel and tearful. Incoherent apologies,
which mingled wltb bis spluttering reassurances In confused duet until, suddenly looking Into each other's eyes,
tbey were stricken dumb by a mutual
A little later they sat together upon
his favorite seat under thp catalpa, his
arm around her, tbe child upon his
knee, the cat caressing his legs and
Selzer dying madly nround them,
shrilling his rapture to the heavens,
A Hundred and Fifty Million* Li* In
Lost Galleons.
If one were asked to sny off-hand
where in the world are to be found
the richest deposits of the precious
minerals in the most concentrated
. form, one would probably name the
I Rand, or the Yukon, or Cobalt. But
each and all of these guesses would be
wrong. For if the investigations which
have been carried on for years past
among the archives ol Spain nre to be
depended upon there lies in Vigo Bay,
within a -comparatively smnll area,
minted gold and silver to the value of
between $1*00,000,000 and 5150,000,000.
In the golden uge oi Spain's history
she drew from her mines in the West
Indies gold and silver worth more
than $45,(100,000 a year. In 1702 a fleet
of galleons brought home the accumulated treasure ol three years amounting to some $140,000,000. together with
precious merchandise almost equally
valuable. Arrived safely at Vigo, the
seventeen Spanish galleons were attacked by the combined British and
Dutch fleets under Adrairal Sir George
Rooke. The galleons, which were men-
of-war, carrying'from twenty to forty
guna apiece, were assisted in the engagement bv twenty-one French ships
of the line! The others were much
stronger, and gained nn overwhelming
victory. It was to save the treasure
(ailing into their hands that the galleons were Bunk. U is proved beyond
doubt that only a very small part of
the treasure belonging to the King
was landed before the battle; con-
temporarv official documents show it
to have been $10,407,000, and the allies secured sb booty no more than
$2,174,000. Some of this gold and silver was adapted to the national currency in England, and n number of
commemorative medals also were
struck from the captured gold by
order of Queen Anne.
Almost as soon as the battle ended,
attempts were made by the Spanish
Government to recover the treasure.
They were unsuccessful, and later the
Government began to grant special
charters to private companies. A succession of attempts were mode, the
Government at first demanding as
much as 95 per cent, of all treasure
that might be raised from the Bay. In
1728, a wealthy Frenchman, Alexandre
Goubert,, almost succeeded in bringing
one of the sunken vessels on shoi*e,
but it proved to be a French warship
that had been sunk during the Battle
of Vigo. An English expedition, under William Evans, worked for a year
from the end oi 1826. and succeeded
with a primitive diving-bell in rescuing small amounts of silver, cannons,
balls and other objects. The American Vigo Bay Treasure Co. which, at
an interval of several years, followed.
The latter expedition succeeded in
lifting one of the ships, which, however, went to pieces before it wns
raised, since it had not been properly
Last House on Famous Street Must
Be Replaced.
Another link with Old London town
is about to be snapped. The ancient
gnbled house in Fetter lane, near Hol-
born, tenanted for many years by
Messrs. Melhuish, has been given over
to the housebreaker, who will begin
forthwith the process of demolition.
The spirit of modernism, like the
march of intellect, cannot be stayed:
necesaity is the strongest thing in the
Fetter lane is a relic of the days of
Stow, who discovers the origin of the
word in the fact that it was the old
haunt ol  "fewters"—that is to say,
A Conjugal Duel.
Charles Coypenu, Sleur d'Assoucl. a
French poet and musician of the seventeenth century, relates ln one of bis
"Adventures" tbnt his father and
motber were one day engaged In a discussion upon questions ot low when a
dispute arose between them with regard to tiie precise signification and
bearing of a provision In Justinian's
code wltb respect to the rights ot
brothers. Ultimately the quarrel waxed so furious tbut the disputants lost
all control of themselves, defied each
otber to single combat and proceeded
to settle their difference and determine the mind of tbe ancient legislator
by a tight wltb swords.
This singular duel took place ln their
son's presence. Coypenu pere was an
advocate by profession and a member
of one of tbe French parliaments.
Madame was exceedingly' diminutive
and bad to wear exceptionally high
pattens to approach the ordinary stature of women, but she wns fierce nnd
domineering in temper. The combat
appears to bave been a drawn battle,
and tbe sense uf Jiistlnlnn renmluedas
obscure nnd debatable aa ever.
A Bateh of Anecdotes.
Some iuterestlng anecdotes and gossip, new aud old; of the law courts
are given In the English Illustrated
Magazine. Tbe writer of tbe article
was once present lu court when a
Juror, wbo opened the bull by saying,
"This rase, my lord, really lies In a
nutshell." received the reply, "Ton
crnck It. then."
There hnve been times when clever
witnesses hnve got the better nf counsel in a skirmish of words. When the
farrier was asked where he got Ills
knowledge of the mare's age from he
said. "From the inn re's own mouth, sir."
lr!sb lawyers nre generally endowed
by Dame Nature with quick wits.
Among them nil perhaps Cumin held
the palm for lightness and vivacity.
When some one told hlm thut no student should be cnlled In the bnr who
did not possess a landed estnte of Ills
own, he retorted. "How mnny acres
make a wiseacre?"
But it was a Scntsninn. appropriately
enough Lord Brotighnm, who. seeing
his horses tnke fright, yelled to the
coachman, "Drive Into something
loafers; "and," he continues, "it il
now built through with' many fair
houses." No doubt this very building, which iB about to be replaced by
a modern one, was once a part of those
"fair houses."
The street haB many historic associations. It was here in a passage,
or "entry," leading to Bartlett's
Buildings, that the boy, Charles
Lamb, went for his .daily schooling—
before he became a Bluccont boy. At
No. 77 in the street lived Tom Pnine,
the revolutionary, the centenary of
whose death was celebreted on June
8. A lesB happy memory is Uint of
Mr*. Brownrigg, who lived nt No.
17, where, in a fit ol passion, she
whipped to death an apprentice girl.
Here, also, at No. 32. the Moravian
Brethren had their chapel for many
So the human interest, as well as
the historic, surrounding this street
and neighborhood is great indeed,
and that is why there ia just one
slight feeling of regret at the news of
another link sundered. Herewith is
a picture of the house.
Turbulent Chisl Deposed,
After careful consideration of the
case the Government has deposed Sil-
wune, chief ol the largest tribe in
Natal, owing to his turbulent behaviour. Silwnne has been repeatedly
threatening to advance against his
No trouble is anticipated ns the result ot the Government's action. 1;
had been originally intended lo surround Silwnne alter the Dinizulu expedition, but the authorities dreaded
an extension nl the rebellion urea a'
tbut time ot uuieat.
Brother Gardner Talks on the
Cause of Education.
Would Have Been a Good Citizen Had
He Let Books of Learning Alone,
Says th* President—Other Members
In Same Boat,
By  M.  QUAD.
ICopyrigiit, 1909, by Associated Literary
SEE   dat   Brudder   Glreadam
Jones nm In de ball tonight,"
observed Brother Gardner as he
stood up ln his place In tbe
Limekiln club, "and If be haiu't too
busy  I should like to spoke a few
words to him. ,
Brother Jones decided that he could
spare some of his valuable time and
stood up and struck a pose, and the
president said:
"Brudder Jones, I remember you fur
fifteen long years back."
"Yes. sah."
"You come) up yere from Tenneysee,
and you footed It all de way wld a
bundle on your shoulder. You had
broke away from de old bomv and
wanted adventures. You was a mighty
scared and bumble lookln' puBSon de
day you struck dis town." ,
"1 reckon I wus, sah."
"You come to my cabin to put up
fur de night. You couldn't read nor
write nor tigger. You was Jest a black
mail dat wanted to learn de whitewash
blzness. I's follored your career since
wld a good deal of Interest Fur ten
years you was a great worker. You
learned de whitewash trade ln all its
branches from A to Z. You got to be
dc only man in dis town dat could put
«bn whitewash to look like fresco work
by an old master. You was makln'
things hum wben you suddenly decided dot you orter hove an eddeca-
sliun. You dropped whltewasbln' to
learn dat de earth moves around de
sun, dat de moon moves around de
earth, dat 2,000 pounds makes a ton,
dnt 26 from 40 leaves 14 and var'u;
odder things. Den what did you do,
Brudder Jones!"
"I dun can't remember,"
"But I kin. You let right go of de
whltewashin' Jrtzness. You frowed
away your old duds and got new
ones. You begun shootln' craps nud
smokin' cigars. I seen you plckln'
your   teeth   hi   front  of   hotels  and
swellln' out your cbest, and today you
am spoken of as de Jim Dandy of dis
ciub. You play poker, bet un de bosses,
and you am lookln' around fur a place
as bank clerk. 1 am not gwlne to
criticise you, Brudder Jones,' but I'm
gwlne to keep right ou wonderin' If
you wasn't a better citlzeu ln all
ways nud If you wasn't dot*.,' mo' fur
de cause of humanity ln glneral when
you'd bnve bet a hoe agin a shingle
nail dat de sun went kltln' around de
earth, lint's all. You muy sot down
while 1 speak to Brudder Shlu."
Cau of" Brother Shin.
Brudder Shin finished the upple core
he was eating at one terrible bite, und
after-looking nini over the president
"Brudder Shin, I bus also knowed
you u long,' long Mme. Your purfeshun
am bhickiii' stoves, and up tu a yenr
ago you was a leader. Luwd, but bow
yuu could mnke n kitchen move ablue!
De hired gal didn't need nny lookln'
glass In de kitchen fur a month inter
you had bin dar. Folks culled you
steady and honest, and dla Limekiln
club was rather proud of you. A year
ago de change come. A wblte hid;
culled ut your cnbln tn git your wife v.
do some wushln". Your wife was not
to home. Yuu replied dot she bad dim
went downtown. De lady noticed
yuur slip In grammar and spoke about
It, and from dat hour/ you determined
to learn gcniiiiuni'. 1 understand yuu
have nuw got so dat you kin say dat
your wife bus dim gone uptown nnd
dnt ynu go around correctln* de grammar of street kyar conductors and
policemen. 1 reckon it's nil right, and
I's gut no hard words, but at de
same time de world has lost nn artist
wld de blnckln' brush. No mo' stove
blnckln' fur you. Ynit's got too edde-
ciited and tou swelled up. Your chll-
len wanted fur shoes and bread last
wluter, mid you nm lonfln* nround dis
summer beknse you enn't be janitor of
de possodlce. Mebbe you was carry-
In' out your mission on earth when
you was blnckln' stares nud support-
In' your fiim'ly and innkln' use of bnd
grammar.   It's ju:'t as II pusson looks
at It You may retire to your seat, and
I'll have a short Interview Wld Brudder Huckleberry Johnson."
Brother Johnson cringed as he toed
the mark, but the president "reassured
him and continued:
"Brudder Johnson, I mean no disrespect to you or to our race when 1 say
dat you am one of de old time nlggere
dat come up yere from Alabamy neither knowin' or cnrln' whethen twice
two was four or six. You was tired of
de cotton fields, and you come lookln'
fur other work. You got an old mewl
and wagon aud began totln' ashes. Fo'
de Luwd. but you was s hard worker.
You jest pushed, things and had bacon
In de house all de time. When pew
rent ft de church was due you alius
had de money In your pocket, and de
grocer.would trusi you from week to
week and not feel afraid. I reckon
none of us was gltttn' along better'n
you when de change come. You was
totln' ashes one day wben de woman
of a bouse axed you why you didn't
read Shakespeare. Am dat correct,
Brudder Johnson?"
"Yes, sah." ,
"At dnt time you couldn't read wld-
out Bpelllu' ont most of de words?"
"No, sab."
"But you went right at It nnd traded
off your mewl and wagon fur copies of
Shakespeare, and you haven't toted
ashes fur de last two years?"
"Dot's right, suh."
"You've sot around de house most of
de time readln' Shakespeare and bid-
In' from your landlord and butcher and
grocer. You kin now make as many as
ten quotnshuns from Shakespeare, can't
you?" '
"At least twenty, sah."
"Do dey bring ln de rent money and
de tnters and bacon? Do dey buy
shoes and dresses and coal? Am you
beln' offered a place In de custom
bouse bekase you kin quote Shakespeare?"
"N-no, sah."
Don't Get Discouraged,
"But don't git discouraged. Brudder
Johnson. You nm on de right road.
While you was airnin' from ten to
fo'teen dollars a week de cause of
eddecashun wub sufferln' and weepln',
but It's boldlu' up Its bead wld pride
now. Sich old darkles as me, dat can't
tell Shakespeare from Hoyle, am not
worth mlndln' when we criticise.
We've got our way, and you've got
yours, and don't let us worry you. Is
Brudder Conscientious Smith wld us
tonight? 'Fears like I saw him here
awhile ago."
Brother Smith was on hand, nnd he
replaced Brother Johnson at the chalk
"Brudder Smith." said tbe president
In au oily'voice, "I knowed you when
you couldn't have told de planet Jupiter from Mars If any one bad offered
you a new hat."
"Yes. sub."
"You didn't know whedder de Mississippi river was one or to' thousand
miles long?"
"No, sah."
"One time I axed you whar de
no'tb pole was and you replied ln de
Rocky mountains."
"Yes, sah."
."At dat tltiie you was workln' in a
wood yard and carryin' bome $12
a week. You and your family lived
.well and dressed well, and you owed
no man a dollar. All of a sudden
you dun took it into your bead to ed-
decate yourself and become de Colored
poet of America. 1 was readln' some
of your verses last night 1 found de.
jingle all right."
"Yes, sah."
"And nn hour later I beard dat you
was owln' three months' rent and dat
eberybody had shet down from trust,
in' yon; also dat your wife and child
bad bad to go home to ber fndder;
also dat you was borrowln' nickels
nud dimes on all sides. It's all right,
however. You have eddecated yourself
and become a poet, and If you am
burled ln a pauper's grave you won't
nebber know It. Keep 'er up, Brudder
Smith. Dis talk dat we ali need food
and clothln* nud fire am all uonsense,
Wbnt we need Is poetry, aud de wbole
world am lookln' fur you to gib us
bar'ls and bar'ls of It Let us now
rhyme our way homewards,"
In th* Insect World.
Housefly—So while tbe bumans are
trying to exterminate me tbey have
found you highly remedial.
Honey Bee—Yes: business Is hum.
nilng, and men like It tbe better the
more tbey get stung.-Bultlmore American.
A Plaes of Refuge.
I Fifteen-Year-Old Boy, Who Is Ahead
n 1^
[Wr yjr*~~\   JC
1 1
1 '
The dug Is tbe friend uf man,—Pele
Mele.         ^-
Thought Suggestion.
"How Is yonr patient oomlug on?"
"Very encouragingly. I've been working entirely on his conscience, you
know, nnd yesterday he said he guessed
be'd have, to pay me something on ac-
count."—Cleveland Plain Dealer,
.    Wore*.
"So your marriage wns a failure,"
said the sympathetic friend,     (
"Worse than tbnt," answered tbe
man wbo was writing a check fur alimony. "It was bankruptcy."—Washington Star.
of All His Rivals In Winning;
Races, Began His Career In South
Africa — Rode a Pony to Victory
When He Was Less Than 10 Years,
of Age—Always' In Demand.
Jockey Frank Wootton ia the riding
sensation oi the English turf this
season. He is at present the most
popular "man" among followers ol
racing throughout Great Britain arid1
the recipient of an emolument which
is proverbially better than that of a
prime minister. Wootten is leading
all the pigskin artists in winning
His present actual riding weight
(which embraces the boots, breeches,
and colors he wears and the saddle
with its trappings that be rides upon)'
is ninety pounds.
- Little -Wootton began his career ot
jockeyship in South Africa, his one
hobby as a child being riding, which
he could do practically as soon as he*
could walk. The boy's first mount
was at Johannesburg, South Africa,
upon a horse named Duster when he
was two months short ol ten years of
age. Three weeks subsequently ho
gained hiB first success in a pony race
—which are always mixed with colonial race programs — upon an animal named Kempsey. Since coming
to England his progress has been a*
continuous. as it has been meteoric,
which, is characteristic of the turC
with its idols, human or equine, Wootton was apprenticed to his father for
four years, the indenture having" nearly another twelve months to run.
During that period his parent does
not intend to allow him\to accept any
positive retainers, tor, naturally, at
his "weight a boy never lacks for »
mount as a free lance. He, in fact, is-
practically the pick ol all the lightweights riding, for when any Btable-
has what is imagined to be a reasonably "good thing," even when horses
are carrying a poundage that is not
necessarily near the minimum, little
Wootton's service's are Bought lor so
as to clinch the certainty of success.
Next year, however, it is his father's,
intention to permit him to accept engagements from certain leading owners.
Frank Wootton is unquestionably a
fine jockey. He "gets away, is a fair
judge ol pace and grasps the situation in running instantly, while he
ia a masterpiece over a long course."
Gladstone In the House.
Mr. Gladstone was a great sleeper
at times, writes T. P. O'Connor. As
I have often told my readers, he never
dined in the House ot Commons but
three times in his Parliamentary life
of more than sixty years. Up to dinner time he was the most extraordinarily alert human' being you could
imagine; he seemed to be all composed of electric dynamos, ot nerves that
were as taut and at the same time ae
responsive as the chords of a piano.
But when he returned after dinner,
he took things easily.
He lay back in his seat with hit?
legs stretched out to their utmost
length, and shut his eyes. But usually he was only half asleep; if you.
happened to mention him, or to quote
him, the eyes opened, and, if le
thought it worth yhjle—and he usually did, for he was very "easy to draw
—you heard across the floor the reverberations of a deep resonant voice
with a demand lor the day, the date,
and the page in,Hansard of the quotation you were making. Now and then,
when the strain on him had been
great, Mr. Gladstone, however, did
fall last asleep.
Th* Andaman Islands.
In the eastern part ol the bay of'
Bengal is a group ol islands called)
the Andaman islands. They are profusely covered with vegetation, nearly
every kind of tree growing there. The
scenery, too, is very grand, but the-
islands are unhealthy and on this account are not thickly populated. In
fact, the natives are gradually dying
off. They are quite uncivilized and
once had an evil name for cannibalism, but live now chiefly on fish.
Squatting on rocks or standing on
rudely shaped boats, they shoot at
the fishes with arrows, although some,
employ long spears. The islands are
used, by the Indian Government as n
settlement for prisoners of the-worst
type, and it was while engaged in a
tour ef inspection in 1872 that Lord
Mayo, the governor general of India,
was -stabbed to death by a desperate
convict—London Opinion.   '
Alphabetical Names.
An Australian parent christened his
child as follows: Anna Bertha Cecilia
Diana Emily Fanny Gertrude Hypa-
tia Inez Jane Kate Louisa Maud Nora '
Ophelia Pepper Quince Rebecca Star-
key Teresa Ulysses Venus Winifred'
Xenophon Yetty Zeu*. , McKendry's Fall and Winter Style Book
ne,    , •  •     . , FREE
The daintiest hats you ever saw, the very
latest styles, and at prices which cannot be
equalled anywhere in Canada'.
At great expense this book has been prepared! (or our out-of-town eiHf
tuners. It contains lovely hall-tone drawings of tne most approved Hats
to be worn during the fall and winter ksijjp, »uitabie for any age from
tot to matron. Thousands of ladies in every part of Canada have lyoven
the excellence of our work, and at the same tune bave made a most substantial saving in price. The list of customers i> growing each
tin.   You ihould be on the to.
"The Home
of tht Hat
Write le-iay tu the demand for our "Style
efS.\ i Book" it very great.
M'Ken-diy's Limitecl
226-228 YongeStreel
Toronto, Ont
Down at Bacon Ridge /
Farmer Eyetop—How did you come
to loae your barn by Are, Hiram?
Farmer   liyetop—Gosh 1     Did   the
burglars Bet the barn afire.
v Farmer   Hardapple—No,   but   they
broke into the village firehouse the
night before and stole all the red
shirts and you know our lire-lighting
boys would as soon think of flying
without wings as to turn out to a fire
without their red shirts.
Everybody knows the house that is
advertised as being, "five minutes"
Irom everywhere, and consequently a
miracle of convenience. This house
has been doggerelised by a Transatlantic poet— " 'Five minuteB from a
grocery (it takes three hours to send);
'Five minuteB' from a church by far
too distant to attend; 'Five minutes
from the school'iouse two miles and
more away; 'Five minutes' from a
post office yon reach in half a day;
'Five minutes' from the woodpile, the
barn, and the front fence; 'Five minutes' from the clothes-line, the pump.
—Oh, I go hence I"
Spanking does not cure children ol
bed-wetting.. There is a constitutional
cause lor this trouble. Mrs. M. Sum
mers, Box W. 77, Windsor, Ont., will
send free to any mother her successful
home treatment, with full instructions, Send no money but write her
to-day if your children trouble you
in this way. Don't blame the child;
the chances are it can't help it. This
treatment also cures adults and aged
people troubled with urine difficulties
by day or night.
Two London cabbies wore glaring nt
each other.
"Aw, wot's the matter with you?"
demanded one.
"Nothink's the matter with me.
"You gave me a narsty look," persisted the first.
"Me? Why, you .certainly 'ave a
narsty look, but I didn't give it to
His Doubtful Status
"Engaged to that beautilul girl, and
yet not happy?"
"Well, she's gone in by turns for
rowing and tennis, and horses, and
golf, and dogs?"
"Say on."
"Sometimes I wonder if I am a
sweetheart or merely a fad."—Louisville Courier-Journal.
Impurities of Blood Counteracted.—
Impurities in the blood come from
defects in the action of the liver. They
are revealed by pimples and unsightly blotches on the s"kin. They must
-be treated inwardly, and for this purpose there is no more effective compound to be used than Parmelee's
Vegetable Pills. They act directly on
the liver and by Betting up healthy
processes have a beneficial effect upon
the blood,l so that impurities are
Why Pat Dropped
An Irishman fell from a house and
landed on a wire nbout twenty feet
from the ground. After he had struggled a moment the man let go and fell
to the ground. Some -one nsked his
reasons for letting go. "Faith,"" was
the reply. "I was alrald the domn'd
wire would break."—Medical Summary.
St. Isidore, P.Q.. Aug. 18, 1904.
Mlnard's Liniment Co.. Limited,
Gentlemen—1 havo frequently used
MINARD'S LINIMENT and also prescribe it for my patients always with
the most gratifying results, and I consider it the best all-round Liniment
Yours truly,
Careless of the Panes
The man who complains loudest
about the high cost of living pays out
car fare when it would be better for
him to walk, has his shoes ahined at
a stand when he might just as well
shine them himself, isn't particular
about the number ol high ones that
he pays for in a day, thinks it beneath'
his dignity to smoke five-cent cigars,
and in many other ways lets slip
nickels and dimes that quickly make
the dollar.—Albany Journal.
' Faultless In Preparation. — Unlike
any other stomnch regulator, Parmelee's Vegetable Pills are the result
of long study of vegetable compounds
calculated to stimulate the stomachic
functions and maintain them nt the
normal condition. Years of UBe have
proved their faultless charooter and
established their excellent reputation.
And this reputation they have maintained for years and will continue to
maintain, for these pills must always
stand at the head of the list oi standard preparations,
Zones and Gerders
While inspecting examination papers recently, teacher found various
humorous answers to questions. A
class of boys, averaging about twelve
years of age, had been examined in
geography, the previous day having
been devoted to grammar. Among the
geographical questions was the following: "Name the zones." One promising
youth of eleven years, who had mixed
the two subjects, wrote. "There^are
two zones, masculine and feminine.
The masculine is either temperate or
intemperate; the feminine is either
torrid or frigid I"—Philadelphia Inquirer.
It is an undisputed fact that one
packet of Wilson's Fly Pads has actually killed a bushel of house flies
Fortunately no such quantity can ever
he Jound in a well kept house, but
whether they be few or many Wilson's
Fly Pads will kill them all. .
Teacher—"Johnny, tell me something of Abraham Lincoln."
Johnny—"Which version?"
Teacher—"Why, what do you
Johnnv—"History or magazine?"—
Cleveland Leader.
Mlnard's Liniment relieves Neuralgia.
Th* Big Tram.
In the Calaveras national forest
there are two groves of big trees, ln
the north grove, In Calaveras county,
there are ten trees each having a diameter* of twenty-five feet or over
and more than seventy having a diameter ranging between fifteen and
twenty-five feet. The tree called the
"lather of the forests," which now
lies on the ground. Is estimated to have
bad a height of 450 feet and a- diameter at the ground of more than forty
feet The bark ou these trees runs
from six Inches to two feet in thickness. Besides the giant sequoias there
are hundreds of sugar pines and yellow pines from eight to ten feet ln diameter and ranging to 27S feet ln
height—Youth's Companion.
Boston's Homsl*** Children,
The Henry Watson Children's Aid
society of Boston has adopted a new
system of caring temporarily for children .committed to Its charge. Heretofore the children have been cared for
at the society's home. Under the new
plan the children are to be boarded In
private families until permanent homes
nre found for tbem by tbe society.
This idea was first tried In Boston and
found to be satisfactory by the Boston
Children's Aid society and the Boston
mission, two of the foremost societies
In children's relief work in the country. Since tbe adoption of the system
tn Boston Massachusetts has abolished
its Institutions for the care of homeless children, placing them ln family
homes.—New York Tribune.
Numbering the Psopl* In Chin*.
China Is preparing to take a census
of ber 4U0.U00.U0U people. The census
Is to be a thorough one, and after It Ib
done tbe facta and figures are to be
kept pretty well up to date. One provision of tbe regulations for officials
reads: "After tbe completion of this
census all births, deaths, marriages
and adoptions must be reported by the
head of tbe family to tbe local census
office or police station. The records of
families must be revised every two
months and records of Individuals every six months, nud reports must be
made annually to the board of the Interior by the directors general of the
census from tbe various provinces."—
London Globe,
An Indian M*meri*l.
Mr. Hodman Wanamaker of New
York at a recent dinner advanced tbe
idea tbat a massive statue of an Indian placed at tbe gateway to tbe new
world would be tbe most fitting memorial to the, race wblch played sucb
a prominent po* In our early history.
Colonel Cody, General Nelsou A,
Miles, Major General Leonard A. Wood
and General Horace 'Porter, each of
whom has bad more than a pictorial
acquaintance with our picturesque
predecessors and ench of whom spoke
at the dinner, grew enthusiastic on
the spot and declared that the Idea had
their heartiest indorsement.
Mor* Than Pl*as*d.
"Did Mlsa Flavllla seem pleased
wben yon aaked her to go to tbe theater?'
"Pleased! She wanted to keep tbe
tickets for fear something might happen to me."-Chlcago Record-Herald.
Beautiful Widow—Do you know, I'm
forty years old today. Gallant Bachelor-Madam, you are just twenty. I
never believe more than balf of what
I bear.
A Naw City a Thouiand Year* Old.
Budapest whose-front Is circled with
lights like a crown, whose hills rise
dark and feathery above the river.
whose parliament buildings run along
tbe bank and are second to none but
Westminster—Budapest brlgbt flashing, gay, beautiful, modern and rich,
ardent and executive, close built aud
omalgamatlve, blender of peoples—IS
tbe product of only a few decades, and
yet at Its last exposition It celebrated
Its thousandth birthday. Pest, to the
right of the river—for the cities are
twin and divided by the Danube—Pest
dates back to 1200, and Buda was the
Ofeu of the Romans. Buda climbs up
tbe opposite hill, today magnificently
new, but sown round with greed
crumbling walls tbat mark the passing
of the original founders whose painted
galleys came up tbe Danube from the
Black sta. The twentieth century civilization, sharply new and powerful,
must for a moment be brushed aside
and the Buda of mediaeval times put ln
Its stead.—Marie Van Vorst ln Harper's Magazine.
Gathering Clovee.
Cloves are now cultivated In many
of the tropical regions of tbe earth. A
clove tree begins to bear at the age of
ten years and continues until It reaches the age of seventy-five years, Tbere
are two crops a year, one In June and
one In December. The tree Is an evergreen and grows from forty ,to fifty
feet high, with large oblong leaves
and crimson flowers at the end of
small branches tn clusters of from ten
to twenty. The tree belongs to tbe
same botanical order as the guava.
The cloves, which are the undeveloped
buds, are at first white, then light
green and at the time of gathering
brlgbt red. Pieces of wblte cloth are
spread under the trees at harvesting
time, and the branches are beaten gently wltb bamboo sticks until the cloves
drop, Tbey nre dried In the sun, being
tossed about dally until tbey attain
the rich dark color which proclaims
them ready for shipment.
Cards and Their History.
Cards are square shaped pieces of.
pasteboard printed with various devices and employed as a buslnesa medium by money changers. Tbey are
usually made up In packs of fifty-two,
one for each week of the year. A good
many people play cards for pleasure,
ln whlcb case their opponents are said
to be buying experience. In most eard
games the rule is that the cards may
be cut, but not otherwise marked. This
rule Is not strictly observed ln games
tn which only three cards are used.
Indeed, the marking of cards bas attained a high degree of perfection
since the Introduction of numerous
card Index systems. Fashions change
In card games as ln everything else.
Old maid, for Instance, Is nowadays
seldom played ln tbe best clubs. Playing cards should not be confused wltb
score cards, whlcb are rather larger,
or with visiting cards, which are smaller.—Pry's Magazine.
A Rhintland Legend.
There Is a Ithlneland legend of tbree
German robbers wbo, having acquired
by varloua atrocities wbat amounted
to a very valuable booty, agreed to divide tbe spoil ond to retire from so
dangeroua a vocation. When the dny
appointed for this purpose arrived one
of them was dispatched to a neighboring town to purchase provisions for
their last carousal. The other two
secretly agreed to murder him on his
return that they might divide his
share between tbem. Tney did so. But
the murdered man was a closer calculator even than his assassins, for he
bad previously poisoned a part of the
provisions, that he might appropriate
to himself the whole of the spoil. This
precious triumvirate were found dead
Salt Codfish Onwlet.
Soak a piece of salt codfish about six
Inches square overnight Split six
crackers and lay tbem ln cold water,
just enough to cover tbem. In tbe
morning pick tbe fish fine and mix
well with the soaked crackers, three
well beaten eggs and a piece of butter
the size of an egg, also salt and pepper, Take one quart of milk and add
to It one dessertspoonful of flour. Boll
five minutes and pour over In the dish
ln which It Is to be baked. Bake
twenty minutes.—Boston Post
Something Just as uood.
Bald the young man to the old man,
"1 want your daughter's hand."
Bald tb* old man to the young man,
"Of daughters I've a band."
Bald the young man to the old man,
"1 meant your daughter Sue."
Bald th* old man to th* younf man,
"Tak* Polly, Jan* or Pro*."
Bald th* young man to th* old nun,
"1 do not think 1 could."
Bald th* old man to th* young man.
"I've ot.lere |uat ss good:"
-PhlUdalohU L*dnr.
Plenty of Tim*
Joaquin Miller wbb once overtaken
hy a countryman, who gave him a
long ride. Tired at length of the conversation, the poet took a novel from
his pocket. >,
"What are you reading?" said the
ISA novel of Bret Harte's," said Mr.
"Well, now, I don't see how an immortal being wants to be wasting his
time with such stuff."
, "Are you quite sure," Baid the poet,
"that I am an immortal being?"
"Of course you are."
"If that's the case," responded Miller, "I don't see why I need be so
very economical of my time."—Philadelphia Record.
Meek Little Wife
"Did you take me for a fool when
you married me?" cried an angry husband in the thick of a domestic quarrel, to which the wife meekly replied:
"No, Sammy. I did not; but then
you always said I was no judge of
character."—Spare Moments.
Palmist—Shall I tell your fortune,
;ir?    *
Brokley—Yes.  Tell it to hurry up.
Why th* Tears Csme
She offered an explanation of her
tearful mood.
"I've been to a wedding," she said
"Inlways cry more at a wedding than
I do at a funeral. It's so much more
uncertain."—New York Press.
How's This?
Wa oflar One Hundred Dellera nward tor an
tan ot Catena tbat cannot, be oured by Halll
Catarrh Cilia.
P. J. OHENgY -a CO- Toledo, O.
We, the underolKned, bave known F. J.. Cftene*
tor tlw but 15 yean, end beliere blm pettnUy boa.
oratile In all builnees traneoellona and Snanilalll
able to carry out any obllntfona made by ba Sim.
wholesale Drumrlata. Toledo. O.
Hell'e Catarrh Cure a token Internally, aattt
directly upon the blood and mucoua ouHaeee ol thi
eyetcm. TeettmonlnU eent tree. Prlae 75 eeuu pe
bottle. Sold by all Drumlata. .
Tab HaU'a Family Pilla tor eonallnalloo.
First Straphanger (in a whisper)-.
"Why did) you give that woman your
seat? She isn't bundle-laden, tired or
pretty, or even .polite."
Seconil Straphanger — "Well-er-
you see-^-Bhe is my wife."—Harvard
Mr. Mooney disapproved of duelling
as set forth and explained by his
neighbor, Mr. Baumgarten. " 'Tis a
haythenish, barbarious way of con-
ductin' a quarr'l!" said Mr. Mooney i
with firmness.
"It is mooch like war," said his
ponderous friend, "only in war dere
is more beoples dakes part. It is no
great difference, my ftent."
"Sure, there is, a big difference,"
said Mr. Mooney. "In war ye can lie
in wait or get behind something,
man I"
In the Lion's Den—First Martyr (to
second ditto)—"Well, old chap, there's
one consolation—there won't be any
after-dinner speeches/'-^Sketch.
Very many persons die annually
from cholera and kindred summer
complaints, who might have been
saved if proper remedies had been
Used. If attacked do not delay in getting a bottle of Dr. J, D. Kellogg's
Dysentery Cordial, the medicine that
never fails to effect a cure. Those
who have used it says it acts promptly, and thoroughly subdues the pain
and disease.
"That boy," said a Middlesex farmer, "beats my time I Jest now, when I
quoted Scripter to him he come back
at me hard!"
"You don't Bay?"
"Shore. I told him to git a hoe an'
toiler the furrow. 'Thnr's gold in the
land,' I said, and what do you reckon
he made answer?"
"You tell itf."
" 'Father,' he says, 'I dqn't ker fer
the gold o' this here world; I've laid
up treasure in heaven I"  ,
Minard's Liniment Cures Burns, Etc,
Pater—"And did that young man
have the nerve to think that he was in
a- position to propose to my daughter?"
Daughter—"Oh, he was, papa! He
was on his knees."
Corns cannot exist when Hallo-
way's Corn Cure is applied to them,
because it goes to the root and kills
the growth.
Caller—"Sorry  to    hear    of
motor accident."
Enthusiastic motorist—"Oh, thanks,
it's nothing. Except to live through
many more."
Caller-"Oh, I trust not."
Practically all Cnnadinn druggists
grocers and genaral dealers sell Wilson's Fly Pads. If your storekeeper
docs not, ask him why.
A Philadelphia philosopher warns
the general public to quit worryihg
over the hot weather. It will not last
long, he soys, nnd presently the frost
will be on the pumpkin and the smoke
from the reluctant furnace will be filling the house. And then, he says,
pnuemonin kills more people in winter
time in one week thnn the sun does in
tour months.  Now,' e good.
--"DODD'S '
'/. pills)
■■teH kidnev 1
:,„   bh^E-jMAf'-rA
''CHT-s  DlS|»
Dl A It ETC 5   '.
W. N. U„ No. 757
An ma*p*nd*nt Miller.
Wben Frederick built hut fnrooui
palace of Sans Soucl there happened
to be a mill t,nat greatly hampered blm
In the execution of bis plans, and ha
asked tbe miller for how much be
.would sell It. The miller replied that
for a long series of years his family
had owned the mill, which had passed
from fatber to son, and tbut be wou.d
not sell It for any price. The king
used every solicitation, offered to build
bim a mill In a better place' and pay
him, besides, any sum be mlgbt demand, but the obstinate miller still per-
slated In his determination to preserve
the inheritance of bis ancestors.
Irritated at last by bis conduct tbe
king sent for blm and said in an angry tone:
"Wby do ynu refuse to sell your mill
notwithstanding all tbe advantages 1
bave offered you?"
The Wilier repeated bis reasons,   .
"Do you know." continued tbe king,
"that I could take It without giving
you a penny?"
"Yes," returned tbe miller calmly, "If
It were hot for tbe chamber of justice
at Berlin."
The king was so nattered by this answer,, which showed that be was Incapable of an act of. injustice, thnt he
dismissed the miller without further
entreaty and changed the plan of his
.'   A Philosopher's Fable.
Arthur Aull Is responsible for this
"Folly, Genius and Common Sense
once went walking and came to a
stream. Genius, havlug bis bead In
tbe clouds, naturally started to wade
across, paying no attention to the
depth. The waters soon" went over his
head, and be was drowned. Common
Sense bunted for a safe way to get
across, and finally be found a foot log.
As be got out about the center of the
stream the log swayed, and be fell Into
the water and sank to rise no more.
Folly stopped at the bank of the
stream to amuse himself by throwing
pebbles Into the water and watching
the wares. He sat upon the moist,
cold bank until he caught a cold which
developed Into pneumonia, of which
he soon died. Moral.—It doesn't make
much difference, after all, whether
you are a genius, a sage or a foot.
Tou'll get It sooner or later anyway."
Teld to Earn His Own Salary.
Commodore Vanderbllt discovered In
James H. Rutter, then ln the employ
of the Erie railroad, a man he believed
the freight department of the Central
needed, says the Baltimore News. It
Is related tbat some rime after he took
charge of the Central's traffic office
Rutter called on the commodore to
submit a plan for Improvement Wben
be bad stated the case the president
looked at him sharply and asked:
"Rutter. what does tbe New York
Central pay you $1.1,000 a year for?"
The reply was, "For managing the
freight traffic department"
And then the commodore said. "Well,
you don't expect me to earn your salary for you, do you?"
Rutter went out and carried through
his plan on his own Judgment. The re-
salt was highly satisfactory. Rutter
became president of the Central.
Up to 8nuff.
A man In workman's garb one day
called at a local dentist's, and tbe door
was opened by a maid.
Workman—la the gent In that draws
Servant—No, sir, but 1 expect he will
be In shortly.
Workman   (pausing on   doorstep*—
Does be give gas?
• "Yes."
"What does be charge?"
"One dollar."
"Wbat-one dollar! Do you mean to
say, miss, a fellow's got to swallow
over 1.000 feet of gas to have one
tooth pulled out? No fear. I reckon
I knows a bit about it, for I work
down at the gas works myself. I'll
go to another dentist and have It
pulled out without gas."-Exchange-
Net Interested. '
"I have called," said the book agent
"to see If 1 can Interest yon ln a little
"Yonng man,*' snapped tbe woman
wbo answered tbe door. "Just now 1
am Interested In washing my dishes,
dusting, cleaning up after ibe pnper-
hnnger, making six beds, polishing tbe
hardwood Hoars. Ironing my husband's
shirts, getting two more meals today,
darning nine pairs of stockings and
stringing my sweet pens, and 1 might
sny that that's more work tban you
men ever thought of doing. No: you
can't Interest me ln any more."—Detroit Free* Press,
(Jetting sn Early 8t*rt.
"Father, whnt do you wish me to
be when I grow up?"
"The same as 1 am, my son—a lawyer."
'Then Instead ef wasting any more
time on arithmetic, geography and
such truck I'd better be getting at tbe
hypothetical question, hadn't 17" -
Defying Death.
There Is no use of reading any more
rules about bow to live a long time.
An old Indy 100 years old bas eaten
New England doughnuts all ber life.—
Itlriiilngbuni Age-Herald.
The Official Cost,
"Your wife doesn't seem to care
much for thnt friend of yours."
"No, He's tbe man I lay tbe hlnms
on when I'm detnlned downtown."—
Philadelphia Post
'(rue limvery Is shown by performing without witness what ene might
be capable of doing before all the
world.- La Rochefoucauld.
A Weak Stomach
Brings Misery
Dr. Williams' KnK Pills Bettor*
Despondent Sufferers
to Health
Nothing is so distressing as a weak
stomach—the victims of this trouble
suffer from indigestion, biliousness,"
dizziness and frequent headaches. No
food agrees with them—meal time is
a time of misery; not a time of pleasure. Relief from this suffering can be
found through the use of Dr. Williams' Pink Pills—they never fail to
make the weak stomach strong; to
banish the distressing headaches;
biliousness and dizziness. Mrs. C. 8.
Steeves, of Hillsboro, N, B., is one of
the many who have been cured
through the use of these pills. She
saya:—"I Buffered very much from
stomach trouble and would often leave
the tnble without tasting food. I got
no relief worth sneaking of till I began the use of Dr. Williams' Pink
Pills. They gradually restored my
health and strength and now I am
as well bb ever I was. I would earnestly recommend them to all those
who suffer as I did."
It is "the blood—bad blood—that is
the cause of nine-tenths of the ailments from which both men. and women suffer. The blood is the life-
giving fluid of the body. When the
blood is bad it is bound to poison
some part of the human system and
thus it is,that rheumatism, kidney
trouble, indigestion, headaches and
backaches and a host ot other troubles
make their appearance. , Dr. Williams'
Pink Pills cure all these troubles—
and they cure them thoroughly—simply because they fill the veins with
rich red blood. The genuine Pills .
bearing the full name "Dr. Williams'
Pink Pills for Pale People", are sold
by all dealers in medicine or by mail
at 50 cents n box or six boxes for
$2.50 trom The Dr. Williams' Medicine Co., Brockville, Ont.
The view of the/fironer uses to which
money may be afiplied depends wholly*
unon tbe individual. There are many
who will see nothing funny in the old
Stan's comment on the uses a, departed relative had made of her nronerty.
"I dunno what good Elizabeth's
money ever done her," said Mr. Sage,
reflectively. "She spent it all. Give
it away here and there, and bought
ttiincB with it."
"No, sir," he continued, "it wa'n't
much pood to her. She didn't leave
a cent."
Red, Weak, Weary, Watery Eyes
Relieved By Murine Eve Remedy,
Try Murine For Your Eye Troubles.
You Will Like Murine. It Soothes.
60c At Your Druggists. Write For
Eye Books. Free. Murine Eye Renv-
edy Co., Toronto.
Who Tells Secrete?
If a fool knows a secret he tells it
because he is a fool; if a knave knows
one, he tells it whenever it is to his
interests to tell it. But women and
young men are very apt to tell what
secrets they know from the vanity of
having been trusted.—Lord Chesterfield.
An Oil That Is Famous. — Though
Canada was not the birthplace of Dr.
Thomas' Eclectric Oil, it is the home
of that famous compound. From here
its good name was spread to Central
and South America, the West Indies,
Australia and New Zealand. That is
far afield enough to attest its excellence, for in all these countries it is
on sale and in demand.
The Doctor—"NonBense! You have
not got cancer. Booze is what ails
you. You must stop drinking at
The 8ouse-"Gce! Is it that serious?
Why, Doc. I thought it was something
thnt could be helped by an operation.
—Cleveland Leader.
Will rid birds and buildings
of lice, mites and other vermin. If applied to the bird
with a sponge it will not discolor the feathers or injure the
bird. •
Retailed by
The  Steels  Brlggs  Ssed  Co.,
and reliable   storekeepers everywhere.   Manufactured by
Carbon Oil WorRs,
Manufacturers of "COWL  BRAND"
Oil Specialties.
28th Year.
Individual Instruction.
Good Positions Await our Graduates.
Write for Illustrated Catalogue.
Address, The Secretary, Winnipeg
Business College, Corner Portage Ave.
and Fort St., Winnipeg, Man,
tUl make a hont Wham,
Row. bat-* Thick Wla-i, «
Dhaka-down,  eat ba  rt*
M enf Ranch et **elltef,i
Mo bllatar. a* falrl
an*, an* Viae tali elf
woriu ft-fT*.! tajiie, i.\
''ve'^ftasi^ftse-   '
ABSOBBW*£jn„f«i    - — -«
Beealn4.el.e0, Mlvere*. Xeistee 0.1 IM. TlBera,
Wane, Verlme Velae, Uleeie, Hrlraeele, VaUic
eel:    S~i> Ire*   NMaenl>V«
w. I*, itwn. r.i.r., in tea** »., »m* ■*•«.
Lislii im., ainmi; (eStaa «#-<••.
test te'ajieee* e. Mi.'* Sela I Wteee te.. Wltslssei
■a* ma tree. Ce. let., leeeeeeer. THE   REPORTER,   NEW   MICHEL,   BRITISH   COLUMBIA.
new michel, a c.
Issued everj' Saturday, from office of
Publication, Northern Ave, New Michel.
Michel Brass Band
We the committee nnd members
of the above band wish to thank all
the friends who have so kindly contributed to our funds, and hope in
a very short time to be able to give
them a little return, by giviug tnem
music tbat will he a pleasure _ for
them to listen to.
G. BicnnixfiTOiN,
Appended is a list of contributions received up to date:—
Thoma9 Crahan $50.00
•Douglas & Stedman  10.00
G; tr. Meikle (Printing)...-. ■■   3.00
A. Kennedy ,.. ■■•■•.   5.00
Somerton Bros  10.00
II. F. Weber ,  10.00
T. W. Baker „.    2.50
41 Meat Market Ltd    6.00
A. C. Murray i   5.00
Western Grocery Store i 10.00
W. B. King  1.00
Model Bakery   6.00
McCool & Moore  10.00
.Boyd & Muir    S.OO
\V. McKeown '..   2.00
"G. A. Paaamore ...-. ;.   1.00
\i. H. McKay..... *-i   1.00
L. Hewitt .-.   1.00
Dr. Mclntyre    1.00
V. S. Spence" :•. '..   1.00
■J. Seigle....  10.00
M. Farrhuret i ....'..   1.00
P. Burns & Co    5.00
X}. E. Oliver....'. ,....*..   1.00
What About A Skating Rink ?
Wm. Porter is tbinking of putting up a skating fink. He says if
be can dispose of one hundred tickets at 83.00 each lot the season, he
will have ice ready as soon ns the
weather permits: There should b'e
no trouble in floating a proposition
of this kind.
In and Around Town
ia-^«i ^ae ■^.n-^ei^fc.eO
AX    liI'.'i'O.nATE   UILMAltt)   AND   I'OIM.
■"- Koiini for Bale uti cusy terius or to rent to iv-
* aponslblo puny. A paly to J. Hulsrle, Now Mii'li'l
Look for the Oval Brand.
Guaranteed Unshrinkable.
Hewson Underwear is as
good as Hewson Tweeds.
Weber, New Michel
Subscribe for tile -Reporter.
What will Scotty do without his
J. Hutton has sold his pony to
J. McLeod.
A horse was killed in No. 8 mine
on Saturday;
Geo. McLeod and G. H. JicKay
/ire in Calgary..
,, Monday, October 25, Will bo
Thanksgiving Day.
Bert Smith has been visiting at
Lethbridge and Frank.
Tom Huber is leaving on a trip
to the coast in a few days.
, Jas. McLeod and J. Hutton have
been away on a hunting trip.
Mrs. McKinnon has bought out
Mrs. McLellen's boarding hdusii.
Hodges fjrom the mines at Morris-
gey, have been shipped, in Tor Use
'. . W. Switzei* and L,ii. London, returned ffom a hiinlihg trip on ')-*'at-
. ,1. Crawford of, the cdtiiprea^or
.plant, is leaving fof his ranch near
Mrs. A. D. Campbell of Hosmer,
spent lust Saturday visiting Mrs.
N'. Richardson, electrician has
Jeft for Seattle, ami on his return to
Canada will reside at Edmonton.
Miss Jennie Oleson of the Dallas
lintel, Lethbridge, is visiting Mrs.
I'etwicler, whoso husband is engineer at the brewery.
F. W. Cruyn of the Imperial
Hank, Fernie, has taken the position of "trouble man"' with the
bank here, replacing It. L. Geddes,
transferred to Oranbfook,
Thomas Harris, who buried his
wife nnd liillc boy last June and
wns left with a six months old baby
.has again Buffered, the baby passing
nwuy on Thursday morning. He
Juts the sympathy of a large circle
of the community.
Harry Sansum ol the C. P. li.
camp, Klk Valley, is in town, have-
■ing returned from an extended trip
tbrough Alberta and Saskatchewan.
jlc is tin export miner, and has
•f,hi.aliy crime back to his old home.
jHiore wa" nothing in sight down
jhere as good as this Western country offer,,, and he is more than
joleased tc, get back.
Have you seen th'd comet ?
M. Macfarlane is in Fernrc to-day.
Board of Trade meets Tuesday evening
Let us have your relieiyftl subsiiription-.
Dn Mclntyre left for Vaucom'er this
Geo. Somerton of Prink was here on
There is talk of an ttalian newspaper
for the Pass.
Hi H; Moore and wife have been in
Fernie this week.
Balloting for millers' physician takes
place on Monday.
Government Agent Alexander Was in
town on Wednesday.
Geo. Dorenbechcr, Fernie, had his
arm broken on Thursday.
The Crow's Nest Pass is to be' made
the main line of the C. P. U".
Andy Morris and P. GdrpJan are off
to uorrissey, in it five day's hunt'.
The barber had a valued assistant at
work this week, hi the massage department..
Tenders fur tre3 .construction of the
waterworks here will be called for next
1'he autumn tints on the mountains
udd great beauty 16 the scenery through
out the Pass.
W, H"; Harvey", Lo ndon; C. J. Lewis,
Elko and B. L. Thorne, HbsinOr, nre at
tbe Great Northern to-day.
J. Wright and family', of the Western
Grocery, have taken the bouse formerly
occupied by the Reporter;
H. G. Wright and G. A. Couldry of
the Wright Investment Co.,' Nelson, are
registered at the Kootenay.
People in Grand Forks get their Vegetables from Heaven, and samples are
shown in the Gazette ollice. •
The farmers up the Elk have hnd excellent crops this sCnson and vegetables
arc very plentiful. All their products
lind n ready market here, and there is a
heavy demand for more.
Geo. Push'ee has become the fortunate
possessor ot Andy Good's famous monkey
"Barney." A hand organ is on the way
and the kids can now save np their nickels (or peanuts to "feedu dd iiionk."
One Cent a Word
Advertisements euch de For Sale, To Del, Lost
Forno Wanted etc., Ineerted et the uniform
rate ol One Cent a Word Bach Insertion
NEW MICHEL, lO.-ISa. m,, in room
over Somerton Bro's store.
MICHEL, Sunday School, 2.3Q ,p. in.
Evening service, at 7.30. Band ul
Hope every Monday at 7.30 p. m.
Rev. S. T. Chenoweth, Pastor.
The jiastor and officials extend, a cordial
invitation to you to ' attend these services.
Services—3rd Sunday  in   the   month,
,   Holy Communion, 11 a. in.
Evensong, 3.30 p.   m.
Sunday School, 2.00 p. nl.  ■
A. Briant N. Crowther, M. A., Vicar.
Sunday:    Low Mass, 8 a.\tn.j .High
Mass, 10.30 a. m.; Sunday School, 3
p. m. | Vespers, 4 p. tn.   •
Monday:   Mass, 8 a. m.
K'ev. Fr. Meissner; Pastor
I). E. McTaogaut
Barristers, Solicitors Etc.
Eckstein Building, fernie, b.c
' 1 lid you ever see liner weather?
What do you t}iink of our new
sidewalks ?
There does not seem to be much
doing in regard to moving the cemetery, does there ?
The telophone linemen have been
steadily at work, and it wont be
long till we hear a local "Hello."
The lire brigade have not been
out for practise for sometime. They
must he waiting   for   those   red
If there is no Union Printing
Office in your town, send yqift
work to the Reporter Office,
New Mi'chel, and have it done
by the man who Unionized
the First Printing Office ih the
Pass, and have your jobs dec'
orated with that
-THE -
We have just opened a fine line of
Ladies Furs, Muffs and
•' i i
Quality and Prices are Right
*The Leading Dr^4 Go6d§ Store hi New c^VKchel
Business Bringers
Re*iHnjj Notlcei inserted undtr this Heading
ut the rate of-Ten CetitB a Line, each insertion.   No ads Inserted amonpst Locals,
SMOKE Crow's Nunt Speninl and Extra.   Union
Mado (,'iimrs.
OTJIPI'ING Ti.ffs. printed to order, ttood tough
w clock, at tlin Ilonorter ollice.
1 printed, at tlio Ropovter offico.
STATEMENTS, Printed nnd   padded  na  you
*-*> wantthom. at the Reporter ofllce.
sent freo. (iMam iufQi.cf.for socurliigpaienu.
Patonu tuken tlirouirli Muim * Co. rec«i™
special twtko, without ohnrao, lu tho
Scientific American.
A linnrtsoniulr Uluitrated wtioitly. laugeit etr-
■miUtiun of any ncleuMflo Journal, Terms for
Canada, M.76 a year, poita«e prepaid. Bald by
all newsdealers.
Union Bakery
G. SOVRANO, Proprietor .
OLD TOWN, -   -   - MICHEL
Fresh Bread Delivered Daily
T KTTER Heads.
Aj ink.
    I'laln.or Fancy.*   A,ny color
Printed as you like them at the Repor-
■*-' An» slzt! mid an\
Finest work in tho  Pass.
Any sizo and any color ink you desiro.  Printed at tho Reporter oflico.
pilINTINO Ink. We can decorate your printing
1 jobs with any color or >diado of the finest Inks
In t.ie-wortd.'.-For.'.iilno color work send your
order lo tho Reporter.
In stock and made to bl'der
Fkep. Pomaha'o,
Loti? for Sale all
over Blairmore
Townsite,    :   :
by the* orify Real Estate man in Blair-
If Intercttsd, vyrlt* for particular.
Offica on Main Straet
Ai McLeod, Blairmore
J. J. 8COTT,
Horscsliopiii([ n Specialty
Either tiie government does not
ex-wot to win out in this constituency', or they an listening to pratty
poor ailvire, when they delay tiie (
necessary improvements here the]
people nro clitnioring for.
Buried in Greenwood Cemetery
le femaini
wlln llilj
igo in Midhel
were hriitight !
of Mr. All.iert fiiim-
aliout   three  years
Britinh   Columbia';
are on Sunday.   De-
115,000 Americans Coming*
ceased, who was thirty years of age
when he died, wos the Son  of   Mr.
and Mrs (iunimage, Hill street,
Winnipeg, Sept.  P.O.—Immigra-,    J,',,,-smne lime prior to his  death
I tion from the United States to Can- j *,„ a(,,,„| „„ p„9tmaster at Michel,
jada has increased  fully thirty per.    fle ie surVived'by hid   wife   and
I cent this year and next year tliere L**u*e daughteti   who  aeconipatiied
will ho about *] lo,000  Americans' (.he remains on   tlio  long  journey
j come to the West.   This was tho from the west. . the   funeral   toojf
statement of Will J. Grant,  super   place on   Monday    afternoon    to
intendant of the Dominion  Immigration Agencies, who was in tbe
city to-day,
All Clubbing and Premium
offer'") liave uenti withdrawn.
(ireenwnoil C<*ftiotery, the service
heing conducted by the Rev, Ktiral
Dean Ardill. Mr. William Gam-
mage of this town is a brother • of
the deceased, while another brother
Waller, is- inv the West — Owen
Soiiud Advertiser'.
Mr. William Ward, accountant in the
district oltie'of P. Burns & Co. Ltd., nnd
Miss Mnrrcllii Ames were quietly married
at.Macleod on Saturday September II.
The happyi couple returned to Fernie' last
Friday evening. The Free Press trusts
thnt Mr, and Mrs, Ward will enjoy a
long and happy married life—Fernie
Free Press.
II. Roclloii and Miss Muriel Andrews
of .Feniio were married at .the home of
the. bride's parents in Fernie this week.
The. young couple arrived hero yesterday
and will reside on Crnbbe St. Mr. Hpc.li
on formerly was in tho ieo cream and
confectionery business nt Fernie but has
associated himself wi.h his brother ivlio
is In the same line of business here.—
Lethbridge Herald.
Pure Food
F. P. Eddy has   been  in
bridge, fyling on some land.
J. A. Murray who was at!
eri Creek last week has been
Wound I'VairiW, liiin'tirig'.
uj)   at
New   Michel
From Wede Oct. 6
Ti" Saturday 9th.
Gome and Bring a Friend with Yow


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