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Lowery's Claim Jun 1, 1903

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Array LOWERYS CLAIM
NUMBER TWENTY-FIVE.
VANCOUVER, B. C, CANADA.
PRICE: TEN CENTS.
IS
ZX:
'��
���TTXIN"
1903
Lowery's Claim is. published every
month at Vancouver, B. C, Canada. It
is devoted to Truth and Humor. It has
no press or trust list, but is sent free
to all persons over 100 years of age.
It is a Sham Crusher, and will fight all
frauds to a red finale. It costs $1 a
year In any part of the world, but lack
of mall facilities prevents It being mailed to Mars, Hades and other out-of-
the-way places. All agents can make
25 cents upon each subscription obtained. Advertising rates are $2 an
Inch each Insertion, and no cut Is made
for time or position. If you desire this
journal do not depend upon your neighbor, but send ln your white or green
dollar before the thought grows cold.
R. T. Lower v.
Vancouver, B. C.
A blue pencil mark indicates
that your subscription has
endeet.   Please* renew.
presbpterian troubles.
The Presbyterians   met   at   Toronto
end Smith Falls recently and passed a
resolution   against   the   restriction   of
Chinese immigration by the Canadian
government. These fools, mad with a
desire to pound their Iron-clad creed
into anything would sacrifice ail this
glorious Dominion for the sake of holding up a Presbyteriane Christ to the
moon-eyed gaze of the Yellow Curse.
They would make Canada a place for
slaves and masters. They would force
poor men Into the ranks of criminals or
over the dump of starvation. They would
drive white women under the scarlet
flag and force little children to moan
their young lives away for the lack of
nutriment. And, for what? Simply to
give a band of meddlesome, cock-sure,
non-producing pulpit pounders a chance
to experiment with their superstitious
theories upon a class of people who
care less for Jesus than they do for
a whiff of dope. It Is all nonsense to
talk about converting Chinamen to our
creeds. They have superstitions of
their own and equally as good as ours.
All egotistical parsons to the contrary
notwithstanding. We have no more
right to lead a Mongolian away from
his native religion than he has to shove
his Joss-house mummery upon us. Meddlesome priests and parsons have ever
filled this earth with war, bloodshed
and misery, and it Is about time that
Canada put some ice on the many theological cranks within its borders. A
bruid of men who would flood this fair
land with hordes of yellow boys ln or
der to pump Christ Into them are no
better than traitors. It is all bosh
about Chinamen becoming converted to
Christianity. Count the number of
those who have cut off their pig tails
in this province and you will easily
see how many converts our churches
have made amongst them. In addition
to restricting Chinamen from getting
into Canada we also need a national
asylum in which to confine the many
soft-brained parsons who are constantly meddling with affairs of state. The
worst tyranny on earth is that caused
by creed lunatics, and Canada ls pes
tered to death with them at present.
from tbe Editors
Zipper Stope.
Morgan seems to have got Rossland.
An   honest   politician   is   the   rarest
v ork of God.
Missionaries are needed in Ontario
amongst the politicians, but we cannot
spare any from British Columbia.
Is the plunder of the people by a
commune a less flagrant crime than
the plunder of the people by monopoly?
Live and let live was a good enough
motto in primitive days. But George
Mela Brown's amendment reads Get
and forget.
Never reproach a man for getting
drunk. He might commit suicide, as
a Kamloops man did in Buffalo the
other day.
Several of Barr's colonists have returned to England and are giving Canada a black eye. There is little truth
in such talk. Homesick people can see
nothing good, even In Paradise.
Mclnnes kicked years ago against
giving the foreshore rights of Vancouver to the C. P. R. The people now
know that he was right, but for 15
years his only reward was the privilege
be obtained from the C. P. R. of paying
his own fare.
The world continues to grow lone-
pome. Max O'Rell and Joaquin Miller
have recently emigrated to heaven.
The Rossland papers are being
abused by self-righteous people because
they took money from gamblers. If
they had taken it from the churches
not a word would have been said.
The writer starts for Kootenay next
week on a tour of inspection and research. The people are warned to have
their money counted In order that no
time may be frittered away making
change.
Copies of a paper printed ten years
ago oy the writer are now worth $10
each. Think of that and buy a big
bunch of Ozonagrams. One hundred
years from today I will pay $25 each
for all copies of 1903.
The annual report of the Lunacy
Commissioners for Scotland furnishes
the astounding fact that where the
percentage of alcoholic drinks consumed
is highest, the percentage of lunatics
produced is lowest. This proves that it
is not a safe proceeding to take the
whisky away from a Scotchman.
A colored minister said to his flock
the other day: "In dese days ob horseless carriages, skirtless girls and sinless sinners it would better for de modesty of dis yere congregation if dere
were a few more chickenless cricken-
coops."���Ex.
The Catholics bave a pope. Protestants laugh at them, and yet the pope is
capable of Intellectual advancement. In
addition to this the pope ls mortal, and
the church can not be afflicted with the
same idiot forever. The Protestants
have a book for their pope. The book
cannot advance. Year after year and
century after century, the book remains
as ignorant as ever. It is only made
better by those who believe in its inspiration giving better meanings to the
words than their ancestors did. In this
way it may be said that the Bible grows
'"���le better.���Ingersoll. LOWERY'S   CLAIM.
erfle Street in Hed.
3Bp Cbe Editor
Vancouver,   with   all    its    wondrous | our midst, as clouds are pushed away
beauty, fine churches and good people. | by the rays of the sun.   Apropos or the
. .., ��. . j subject.   1   add   a  few   lines   from   the
has one spot within its walls where lust   f(U of my M fr|wd g^
runs riot,  and  men  and  women  tread
the path  that leads to real hell.    The
"It   might   be   well   for   priests   and
publicists to cease launching anathemas
spot  is  known  as   Dupont  street,  and !and  u^ic-ss  laws at  prostitution  long
... . enough  to enquire what is driving so
the mention of its very name brings to j many  young  women  |mo ^ l���� ��
the memory of the knowing, visions of {famy> ��nd study the cause of the dla-
pas8ion gone mad dancing over the j ease before attempting a cure. I say-
ruin of hearts, and souls longing to be Urease, for I cannot agree with those
who profess to regard prostitution as a
free from the serfdom of the oldest profession on earth.    Dupont street ts not
very long, but within Its borders how
motley    the   crowd   and   occupations,
China is here reproduced in miniature
with more of its vice than virtue, while
side by side are grouped mansions In
which   Satan   does   business   by   the
gleams  of  a  red  torch.    All  kinds  of
courtesans   ply   their   trade   from   the
splayed Oriental to the dusky houchle
kouchle girls from the Jungles of Africa.   Many of the city parsons, especially
MacBeth, are sorely distressed over the
existence   of   this   human   sewer   and
would like to have it wiped out.   I understand  that it  is a  pet  theory  with
MacBeth and that he frequently refers
lo the matter in his pulpit.    Such sermons  do  no  good,  and  only  serve  to
advertise the street    Sexual vice cannot be cured by  throwing  wind  at it
from  a  high-priced  pulpit.       Parsons
would do better by saving their ozone
for  bun   fights.    The  church   and   its
paid  advocates  have  been  howling  at
this evil  for centuries, and yet  today
there  are  more  prostitutes  than   ever
before in the history ef the world. Even
in this city I notice that one sterilized
paper deplores tbe fact that the number
of professionals in Vancouver has risen
from 70 to 138, in spite of the strenuous
eflorts of MacBeth and others against
the  commercial   prosperity   of   Dupont
street.    All   good   men,   including   the
heaven brokers, would like to see the
red glim doused in this and every other
city,   but   it   cannot   be   done   by   the
moss-grown tactics of creed boosters.
With law and church everywhere society continues to grow  more corrupt
Brazen   bawds  become   more   plentiful
as  our  civilization  advances   to   what
we call  higher  ground   which   goes  to
prove that our social and religious system is run by the wrong set of cogs.    I
know the way to shut this evil off the
earth, but to do so In print would run
this Journal in danger of being shut out
"necessary evil;" who protest that the
brute passions of man must be Bated,���
that but for the Scarlet Woman he
would debauch the Vestal Virgin. I
do not believe that God decreed that
one-half the women should be sacrificed
upon the unclean altar of Lust that the
others might be saved. It Is a damning
libel upon the Dotty. All the courtesans
on earth never caused a single son of
Adam's misery to refrain from tempting, so far as he possessed the power,
one virtuous woman.
Governor Ftshback. of Arkansas, de-
clared that "houses of ill-fame are necessary to city life." and added: "If
you close these sewers of men's animal
passions you overflow the home and
spread disaster."
If houses of ill-fame be necessary to
city life It follows as a natural sequence
that the prostitute Is a public benefactor, to be encouraged rather than condemned, deserving of civic honor rather
than social infamy. Will Governor
Fishback make a careful examination
of the quasi-respectable element of society and Inform us how large an
army of courtesans will be necessary to
enable It to pass a baking powder purity test?
Fishback does not seem to know that
the  presence  in  a  city  of  prostitutes
but serves to increase the dangers that
environ pure women.    He should know-
that they add fuel t<�� Lust's unholy fires
and that one bad woman can do more
to corrupt  her sex  than any  libertine
since   the  days of  Sir   Leuncelot     He
should   know   that   so   perverse   Is   the
nature of man that  he would leave a
har*m filled with desirous hourls more
beautiful   than   ever   danced    through
Mohammedan   dream   Of   Paradise,   to
dig pitfalls for the unwary feet of some
Innocent, freckled country wench  who
was striving to lead an honest life.    As
a muley cow will turn from a manger
filled   with   new-mown   hay.   and   wear
out her thievish tongue trying to coax
a crisp of rotten Straw through a creek
In a neighbor's barn, so will man turn
from     consenting      Wnus'     matchless
charms to solicit scornful Dlan.
Man physic-ally considered. Is merely
of the mails.   The people of Canada are
not educated far enough to accept any
doctrine that is not orthodox, and until   ���   n     . ���     *
*w    i-,u. t ,, ,���i,u -,..���    .i   i **oiii   .ion.    -LonttnenSi in man or woman   Is
the light breaks Into their upper slopes  a violation of nature's edicts, a sac-rl-
an animal,  and  the  law  of his life  Is
Identical  with  that  of the  brute crea
from the advances of other males. Such
reduced to the last analysis, is the
basis of marriage, of female chastity
and family honor. Rape and adultery
were prohibited under pains and penalties, and behind the sword of the
criminal law grew up the moral cole-.
As wealth Increased man Increased his
wives and added concubines; but woman was taught that while polygamy
waa pleasing to the gods polyandry
was the reverse.���that while the husband was privileged to seek sexual
pleasure ln a foreign bed, the wife who
looked with desiring eye��s upon other
than her rightful lord merited the
scorn of earth and provoked the wrath
of heaven.
When the people of a nation are poor
sexual purity is the rule. Simple living and severe toll keep in check the
passions and make it possible to mould
the mind with moral precepts. But
when a nation becomes divided into
the very rich and the extremely poor;
when wilful waste and woeful want go
band In hand; when luxury renders
abnormal thc passions of the one; and
cupidity, born of envy, blunts the moral
perceptions of the other, then Indited Is
that nation delivered over tO the world.
the flesh and the devti. When all alike
are poor, contentment reigns. Divided
into millionaires and me ndlcrants, the
poor man's daughter |ew>ks with envious
eyes upon miady. follows her fashions
and too often apes her morals. The
real life in supplanted by the artificial,
and  love  bows to Mammon.
The woman wbOSS sin la sanctified
by love���iBrann is wrong here. Love
cannot sin! who Staked her name and
fame ujwm a cowardly Ite Uttered In the
tame of truth-never yet rush, d Into
court with her tale of woe. or aired
h.r trouble In public prints. May God
In his mercy shield all suoh from the
parrot criticism and brutal Insults of
the fish-blooded female whose heart
never thrilled to love's wild melody.
yet who marries for money,- pats her
frozen charms up at auction, and having obtained ��� fair price by false pretenses Imagines herself respectable! In
tic name of ali the k����1j�� al once, which
1,4 the fouler crime, the greater "aoclal
evil." Wor a woman to deliberately
barter   ber  person  for  gold  and  lands.
for gew-gaws, social position and a preferred  pew  In  a  fashionable  church-
cven though the sale may be In accord-
ance with law, have the benediction or
a stupid priest and the sanction Of 8
corrupt and canting world or. in den-
ance of custom and forgetful of cold
precept, to coat the priceless Jewel o
woman's honor upon the altar Of 11"
love   ?
Clve- the latter woman B chance
B��t ber fault, and she will become
society,   an   ornament
former   a   fit   Inhabitant
She has deliper-
nd
from the right quarter, there is little
use of wasting ink upon the subject
When the people get onto themselves,
as they say In French, the social and
flee made by the individual to the ne
tensities of civilization.
Like the beast of the fie Id, man for
merly   took   unto  himself a  mate,   and
every other curse will disappear from  with   his   rule   strength   defended   her   ster-bearing age.
blessing   to
beaven;   tbe
only for a hell of Ice.
1   of   �����
It-
for-
u
in
ately  dishonored  herself,   her sex a
the   man   whose   name  she  bears, a
Custom can rm more absolve h* rt -in
tbe pope can pardon sin.   ��m i
most  dreadful  product  <��f thi    ���
evil/' Of unhallowed sexual commerc^
,��  the Child  of  Mammon  and Me    ������ ���
the   blue-ribbon   abortion   i*f  ""' LOWERY'S   CLAIM.
pulpit and pounders.
sip Cbe Editor
*..
A parson ln Vancouver has sent out
the following circular to many people:
"Do you believe that the churches
are a blessing in any community?
Do you believe that church attendance encourages a truer and nobler
life?
If you are not a regular attendant
kindly give your personal reasons for
rot doing so?
Do you think the church is at fault
If so wherein does the fault lie?
Churches at first thought might be
set down as a blessing, but such is not
the case. Since the first one was built
the world has been filled with misery.
Churches breed strife, envy and jealousy amongst the people, and the doctrines taught therein make cowards of
the timid by telling them what thc
Lord will do to them If tbey are wicked. It also holds out a premium on
crime by convincing people that any
sin can be washed away by Jogging
along to Jesus and owning up that you
are sorry.
Churches Interfere with the freedom
of the people. Look at the absurd Sunday law in Vancouver. A man cannot
sell even a dish of Ice cream on Sunday In this city without taking a
chance upon being fined or put in Jail.
Such a law is an Insult to thc Intelligence of tbc community. If a reform
Is needed it should bo on every day of
the week. Regularity Is beneficial to
the human race. To work long hours
for six days ancl then loaf the other Is
disastrous. Shorter hours for labor,
and work every day is thc remedy.
Churches encourage laziness, and deception. They keep up a lot of non-
producers who simply live on the fears
and Ignorance of the people. Parsons
are either liars or fools. If they do not
believe what they preach they are liars.
If they do believe It they arc fools.
Parsons I often think must laugh to
themselves when they think of the easy
graft they have, when most of them
should be sawing wood or pitching hay
cm some uulet farm.
I fall to see how churches encourage
a truer or nobler life. The noblest people have no use for creeds although
many of them have not the moral courage to declare themselves against what
the world thinks. The church is revengeful ar.d will stab those who oppose It to a red finale. Dare to be
honest and let It be known that you
have a mind that runs contrary to the
mouthlngs of priests and other sky
Idiots and you arc up against a game
in which bate was never known to have
chilly feet. This journal has been
hounded and its editor persecuted by a
class of Holy Willies whose little, rotten souls are Incapable of being good
in spite of the fact that they send
wind messages to Jehovah every night
of their miserable lives. Real nobility
of character cannot be built from a
diet of sn-nnrstltlon and old fairy tales.
The church with Its string of creeds
and  paid  pulpit   pounders   never   can
make the people good. They have
tried It for centuries, and should by
this time know enough to switch their
system. This will never be done until
the people cease digging up, and parsons are no longer considered any more
respectable than confidence men.
If churches wish to be prosperous
they mus-t substitute merriment for solemnity, brainy pastors instead of mediocre creed boosters, cold facts Instead
of pat theories, joy Instead of gloom.
By making people laugh more good can
be done than by eternally telling that
we are all born full of sin and will go
plum to hell If we do not catch the life
line that every church claims to have
tied to Jesus and his close relatives.
Banish all this guff about the misty
past and the dim future. Give us
Churches filled with love, life and truth.
Banish gloom, and make all sermons
breezy, full of wit, humor, reason and
common sense, without any silly twaddle about God and every gospel mill in
the land will have standing room only
five minutes after the doors are opened.
Set the music to ragtime instead of
slow death, and the devil will slink off
thc earth like a chubber looking for
white chips in a spittoon. Change your
system, parsons, and the only God
worth a damn will always be with you
and your dearly beloved congregations.
and the balance he puts into his pocket.
The counterfeiter does not do ianjjy
worse.
The business man, if he has been an
apt pupil, acquires great power. He
can put prices up or run them down as
he pleases. A little lie on occasion
helps him along in his career wonderfully. We see this exemplified in the
manipulation of stocks in New York.
They are up one day and they are down
the other���though the intrinsic value
of stocks has not changed in the
slightest. Men are ruined by panics,
by corners in stocks, but who mourns?
Tbat is fate; it is one of the necessary
consequences of business that men
should be ruined. Who ever heard of a
war in which nobody was killed? It
would not be war, unless somebody
were killed. So it would not be business if somebody did not fail.
Business is frightfully selfish, unutterably cruel. It makes not the slightest difference whether it is labor or
capital���human nature is always the
eame, no matter where you find It. Provided the conditions are same.
How very much better It would be
every way if each man earned his own
money and received it after he had
earned it, without the necessity of giving the biggest half to some one else!
The world would be better, far better
every way, if we had no employer or
employee. We should then have no
wealth, it is true, but we should also
have no poverty. J. WILSON.
SBusiness.
What could be more heartless, more
unprincipled, more diabolical than business as it is conducted at the present
day?    The basis upon  which business
Is conducted   is the basis upon  which
war is conducted,  namely, that might
is right, and that the end justifies the
means.   In business, as in war, success
covers a multitude of sins.   It is enough
that a man gets rich;   nobody inquires
how he gets  rich.    His social position
is uncertain for a time, but the church
takes   hirn   up  finally,  makes  him  her
fester child, and gives him a character.
It   is  all  down   hill   for  the  rich  man
after  that.    He can  have a plurity of
wives, he can own a yacht, he can be
a prince and wear a crown, if he is willing to go to the expense of buying such
a worthless piece of head-gear as that.
People who  deny  that we send  men
to prison for a term of years for putting in practice the very same arts that
prevail in business transactions today,
must either have  very poor memories
or  but   little  knowledge  of the world.
The  only  real  difference   between   the
criminal in prison and the business man
out of prison, is that the work of the
criminal is not done according to law,
while that of the business man is.
The business man makes money by
taking his neighbors at a disadvantage,
and the highwayman gets his money
In the same way. The business man
never makes a fair exchange. If he
did, how could he ever make money?
He always gives less than he receives,
JtWasnt tbe s^ben.
At Ian elementary examinfation Jn
English which was lately held at a
school not so very far from this city
two sentences were giten out to be
corrected. The first sentence was to
be corrected as to its syntax. These
were the sentences:
"The hen has three legs."
"Who done it?"
When the papers were handed in it
was found that ono of the pupils had
apparently regarded the sentences as
connected in some subtle manner, for
his answer was:
"The hen didn't done it; God done
it."
Its softening influence: Mrs. Maholle
���"Shure, thot 'Uncle Tom's Cabin'
made a good boy out av me Micky."
Mrs. O'Toole���"Oi'm glad to hear thot."
Mrs. Mahoole���"Yis, ut gave him a tinder heart. Phoy, wud yes blave ut,
whin he cum out av th' gallery he trold
to murther six kids that lafted whin
Little Eva doled."���Chicago News.
Better thus: "Don't you think," asked the anxious young playwright after
the first performance, "that I might
have improved it some by putting it in
three instead of four acts?" "Well,
no," the critic replied; "I hardly think
so. The curtain wouldn't be down as
much in that case as it is now."-���Chicago Record-Herald. LOWERY'S  CLAIM.
Olanitoba Waves.
Writing from Sturgeon Bay, in Wisconsin, D. S. Crandail says:
lt seems that our severely cold
weather does not come from the north
pole, as might be expected, but from
an altogether different quarter, and always from the north-west In 1831 Sir
James Ross discovered the magnetic
pole which lies in latitude 70 degrees
5 minutes 17 seconds north and longtl-
tude 96 degrees, 46 minutes, 45 seconds
on the western shore of Bootlina Felix.
ihis is just about directly north of
Manitoba and far south and west of
the geographic pole. As lt is from this
direction that all of our cold waves
come, I am of the opinion that when
traced to their source lt will be found
that they have their origin in the magnetic pole, and consequently that these
cold waves are due to magnetism. My
theory is that heat and cold are only
different manifestations of the same
element that is, that we get our heat
from one pole of the magnet and our
cold from the other pole. It is well
known that the sun, the earth and all
other spheres are magnets. Our earth
is kept in its orbit around the sun by
the alternate attractions and repulsion
of the magnetic poles, and not by gravitation, which is an absurd and baseless theory. On the 21st of December
the earth is three million miles nearer
to the sun than it is on the 21st of
June. The sun's and the earth's magnets are on the 21st of December repelling each other and it is while this
repulsive force is at work that we
have our cold weather. From this lt
would appear that from magnetic action comes thc cold we experience, and
not from the obliquity with which the
rays of the sun strike the earth. If It
Is the positive pole of the sun that
draws the earth toward the sun, then It
is the negative pole that repels the
earth and It is this negative action
which produces cold. You have probably observed that in a vast region
around the magnetic pole the earth is
always frozen to an unknown depth,
never thawing except for a few inches
on the surface during the long summer.
This also indicates that the magnetic
pole is responsible for this frozen condition. In the Klondike region they
have drilled holes 200 feet deep, going
through frozen earth all the way, and
no one knows how much farther the
frost extends. It certainly cannot be
winter cold that freezes to so great a
depth, and I see no other explanation
of this phenomenon than that of magnetism.
Our hottest weather comes when we
are farthest from the sun, and our coldest when we are nearest, which proves
that it ls not direct heat which we receive from the sun. This ls also proved
by the fact that as we recede from the
earth in a balloon or by ascending a
mountain the air becomes colder.
Clearly, then, the heat we receive must
be magnetic, and our Manitoba waves
indicate that our cold la magnetic also.
Some of these days our scientific men
will explore the region lying north of
you, and will trace these cold waves
to thei-     T -"��nder they have not
already done this, for lt surely must
have occurred to some of them that
there Is a. good reason for these waves
always coming from that dlractlon and
not from the north pole Itself, where
we might reasonably expect, to find the
coldest weather.
B XLrutbful Vale.
It Is a Topeka buyer who told a salesman that he must cut short his stay
In New York and hurry home. He had,
he satd, just received a wire from his
wife telling him to hurry back to Kansas and rescue their only son, who had
fcollshly climbed a stock of corn ln the
garden. The corn had grown upward
more rapidly than the boy could slide
downward, and axes and saws were of
uo avail, since the stalk grew so fast
that it was Impossible to chop twice
In.the same place. The last wire averred the Topeka buyer, stated that the
boy was out of sight, but was presumably living on raw corn as they picked
up four bushels of cobs at the base of
the corn stalk.
fl Mew national Sir.
"A Hot Time In the Old Town," declares Prot George Bduard of the
German department of the Northwestern university, "Is bound to become the
national air of the United States. Both
the music and the words are tn perfect harmony with the Yankee spirit
When the people want to express themselves and can't think of anything else
to sing they break out spontaneously
with 'Hot Time.' They've sung in all
around the world.
"The charge up San Juan hill was
made to its music, and the band played
tt when the United States soldiers entered Pekin and today they are singing It In the Philippines."
Drink water and get typhoid. Drink
milk and get tuberculosis. Drink whisky and get Jlm-Jams. Eat soup and
get Brlght's disease. Eat meat and encourage apoplexy. Eat oysters and acquire taxemla. Eat vegetables and
weaken the system. Eat dessert and
take to paresis. Smoke cigarettes and
die early. Smoke cigars and get catarrh. Drink coffee and obtain nervous prostration. Drink wine and get
the gout In order to be entirely healthy one must eat nothing, drink nothing, smoke nothing, and even before
breathing one should see that the air
is properly sterilized.���-South-Western
World.
perplexed.
Oh, merchant in thine hour of eee,
If on this paper you should ccc,
Take our advice and now bc yyy,
And in this Journal advertlll,
You'll find the project of some uuu,
Neglect can offer no exqqq;
Be wise at once���-prolong your daaa,
A silent business soon dekkk.
Last night I kissed ner in the hall���
My promised wife.
She said, "Now tell me truly this���
Another girl did you e'er kiss
In all your life?"
I gazed down ln her pleading face
And told her. "No."
Now, why did she, with pensive sigh
And sad look in her soft blue eye,
Say, "I thought so!"
i
The game she gave me, you'll admit
Was pretty stiff.
And as I homeward went my way
And thought on what I'd heard her
say,
I wondered if���
���Boston Beacon.
Algy was not particular: There was
company at tea, and little Algeron felt
that It was an occasion upon which he
might assert himself. "Ma," he remarked, holding up his bread and butter In scorn, "can't I have some Jam
on this?" "What?" ejaculated his
economical mamma; "Jam on butter?
No, Indeed; certainly not!" "Oh, I
don't care about It being on the butter."
said Algy, calmly; "put It on the other
side!"���Answers.
The fashion which has been started
In France is worthy of imitation tn the
Southern States. When the Parisian
art students want to burn a negro they
make one of cardboard for the purpose.
A wall thirty feet high and thirteen
feet broad could be built all around
England with the coal mined annually
in that country.
The second day out: Sailor (shout-
lng)-"Man overboard!" Mewlywed
(groaning)-'Lucky  dog!"-Puck.
AIRE   "5TOXJ   AFRA-I3D OF
JlT*   IDEA. ?
If   ne��t    veui   ahniibl   heeoino   a    reader-of
80UNDVIKW. the Bxponsnt of the ���hh iki
eiK KVKIUHIKKNS." composed  of wombs-
BOT-AMUIOOr-tUSA (and  lUM),   who.e   prime
object In life is to learn to think and think to
learn    Houhuvikw   is  a  cry fe��r  freedom <���
thought, expression   and   action      It M n<n
devoted  to anv  eult. wot  or  party, but w
friendly to all that  are seeking  truth     I ""���
lisbed in the country   Ita editors are fainers,
from choice  rather than   natural "���lection.
If vou want reading that is not diluted With
skvseratiers, smoke and sewer gas.if >"�� *
a whiff from the wtldwood, thoughts red., en
with the perfume of country breeze*.   1'""
of pastures, purling brooks. iHOsimmon* SW1
pumpkins, thoughts "thatifaau in t > en Ut n .
Ideas that are horn by the brightiljBht gr
well-seasoned alder., lend 1*> cents for a sin
pie  copy  of "SoisieviKW"  and  a  oopy oi
"IrJUinrVnrW Jg." containing full parti, ulsrs
of the greatest offer ever made t Min reacj
ers for a magazine; likewise a few OOmmeiijM-
lory ami condemnatory comments ��> '
character (or lack ����f character) ofjftwjjgjjg
let in the New Thought forest said eommenu
being by the wise and -otherwise, 1       "
s,mr.- a -lime, and we want ye.u to bavjI a
taste of tho stuff (and uoiiseiisei we sen., oin.
Address, ^ A LOWERY'S  CLAIM.
medical Superstition.
3Bp J.��. Severance.
My subject is "Christianity's Twin
Superstition, Drug Medication," and I
shall endeavor, to treat of it as best I
can in this brief paper, hastily prepared.
First    Drug medication,  like Christianity, is based on the Idea that man
is naturally depraved, fallen; and that
as a result of his disobedience came sin,
sickness and death.    This idea of the
crlgin of disease has been taught and
accepted from generation to generation,
until but few of even professed Liberals ever think of their ailments as the
result   of   their    ignorance and folly.
They, many of  them,  think as did a
very excellent but very pious woman
whom I was engaged to attend In parturition, and I was telling her of methods of treatment she could pursue to
prevent some of the severe suffering usually  Incident to such occasions.    She
replied, "I do not wish to Interfere with
God's purposes.    He pronounced as a
curse  upon  the  first   transgressors of
his law that man should earn his bread
by the sweat of his brow and that woman should bring forth children in pain
and suffering."    I said to her:   "Inasmuch  as  many  men  get  their bread
without sweating very much,  I think
women would be excused If they tried
to  lighten   their sentence  somewhat."
While many do not feel Just as she did,
yet most people accept pain and suffering as a fatality of some sort that they
are   powerless  to   avert.    Christianity
offers as a remedy for sin an atonement
something outside themselves mado for
their salvation, which If they will believe ln and take Into their hearts, will
do away with all the effects of their
transgressions,   and   no   matter   what
their lives have been will restore them
to pristine  purity.    So drug medicine
offers to atone for physical sins, to cure
or  do   away   with   the   effects  of the
transgression   of  physical   laws.       As
"Jesus pays It all" when taken Into the
heart,  so drugs when  taken  Into the
stomach do  the same,  but both  must
be taken according to the prescription
of   those  properly   authorized   to  prescribe.
At the present time there are more
people who have outgrown religious
swaddling clothes than medical. There
Is more faith In medical superstition
than religious. To-day the people are
worse* doctor-ridden than priest-ridden,
and tbat Is saying a good deal.
Second. Let us look at the law of
evolution by which these two superstl-
tolns have advanced. All the different
methods of medical treatment come as
a natural result of the development of
the people, as Is the case ln religious
creeds. The allopathic system ls to t*h*
medical world as Is the Catholic church
to the Christian, the old, the primitive,
the least progressive, and the most
dogmatic and assumptive. It originated ln the same state of man's Infancy and ignorance, and Its tenets are
as infallible and unyielding as those of
the church of Rome.
Archagathus was the first "regular,"
as Pliny informs us; he flourished two
hundred years before Christ, and was
banished from Rome on account of the
severity of his treatment. But he had
his followers. The people of that period, however, being more cruel, undeveloped, of the earth earthy, not so far
removed from the mineral kingdom,
were not so seriously injured as finer
organizations by these cruel, foreign
materials.
As the earth moved along, refining in
all Its manifestations, humanity was
evolving farther and farther from the
mineral plane, hence the incompatibility became more and more marked between the finer and cruder manifestations, and the injurious effects of the
system became greater. As the reasoning faculties were more developed people began to discern the absurdity of
many of these remedies, and there
arose a demand for something better.
Not being far enough advanced to recognize the Injurious effects of all poisons, these reformers repudiated the
minerals, and the botanic or Thomp-
sonian system was developed, which
was about as much ahead ot allopathy
as the Episcopal church was in advance of Catholicism. It broke the
ranks, however, and was of use. This
school, believing they had discarded the
injurious, the mineral, made up for the
loss by the excessive quantity of their
vegetable decoctions. The most unfortunate thing was that although they
did not kill their patient outright, they
found that by the time they had overcome the disease by their "composition"
"No. Six and Lobelia," they had so Impaired the action of their stomach that
chronic dyspepsia often was the result,
and people began to complain of the
excessive quantity and nauseous quality of their potions.
A growing demand for something bet-
pure air, proper exercise, etc., to purify
the system, ani it was found to do
mighty works. With no drug diseases
as sequels, many given up to die by
the other schools were restored, and all
seemed well.
By and by there were treated by this
method persons of a fine, delicate spiritual nature, and by the time they were
thoroughly purified they had exhausted
all vital resources, had no power to
recuperate, had perhaps been saved
from death, but were in a condition
rendering them useless. They seemed
to lack something. It was found that
cerfain persons by contact with them
could impart strength, arouse action,
and magnetic healing was introduced,
which just met the needs of such cases.
It was adapted to the more refined,
spiritualized condition of these persons,
and by the life-giving power of this
subtle agent vital force was imparted
nerve power strengthened and the patient made to feel new life, new hope
and aspiration.
There were various Other modes and
methods of treatment introduced during all the years that I have hastily
glanced over; about as many as the
kinds of sectarian beliefs, and each old
system fought every new one with the
same bitter spirit Each one of these
systems was according to the stage of
development of the people.
Each school of practice, not being
able to get outside the laws of universal progress, has been modified more
or less by the new ideas and discoveries
of those they have bitterly opposed, but
there are on each of these plans of development plenty of people who believe
in these methods, and when they are
outgrown they will cease to exist, as
will our churches.
Third. For the last three thousand
years the medical profession has been
laboring to find out what disease is.
They have written long and elaborate
articles on the locality and manifestation of different diseases, but are entirely ignorant of their nature. Physicians and people generally have regard-
ter  met  with  a   response,   as  all  de-1 ed and still regard disease as an enemy
to life that in some mysterious way gets
Into the organism, "attacks" its victim, and that in order to drive it out,
or kill it in some way, some powerful
remedy must be given which will destroy and neutralize that particular
disease. Thus, in brain disease they
must administer some specific that will
act on the brain; lung diseases must be
met by some fashionable remedy, as
cod liver oil for instance; for diseases
of the liver the famous blue pill is a
sovereign remedy, and so on through
the catalogue.
Dr. R. T. Trail was the first man who
gave a satisfactory definition of disease, but lt has not been accepted by
the profession. "Disease is remedial effort, or vital action In relation to things
aobnrmal." No action can take place
in a living structure but vital action.
Normal vital action constitutes health.
Abnormal vital action constitutes disease. As soon as vital action ceases
death results and chemical action begins.
The rational course, then, to pursue
mands do, and homeopathy was born,
and the cry "Eureka" went up. So
small in quantity and so pleasant to
the taste were its doses, that even the
natural instincts of childhood against
medicine could be overcome, the sugar
pellets being so nice to take.
This system was a great stride in advance, a long step on the road to progress, and had the practitioners of that
school followed the doctrine of the
founders, "that the lighter the dilution
the greater the potency," little harm
would have resulted. But allopathic
doses would frequently be resorted to,
and as their remedies were of a most
concentrated nature, serious results
would follow.
This system, like the Unlversallst
church, still clung to the atonement,
but it made it sweet and easy to take.
After a while the question arose, Why
poison the sick at all? Is there not
power to heal without drugs? At
length hydropathy was Introduced, Ignoring all drugs, and depending upon
baths of various kinds, hygienic diet, 6
LOWERY'S   CLAIM.
is to direct the remedial effort���diminish or increase its intensity. To effect
this the old school physician administers his drugs, and invests them with
the power to perform cures by acting
in certain  ways on  the system.
Asked how they act, they cannot explain the modus operandi, but tartar
emetic produces vomiting by acting on
the stomach, calomel and jalap act on
the bowels as cathartics, etc.
Herein lies the great mistake in attributing the action to the lifeless, inorganic matter which belongs alone to
the power of life. Try your emetic on
a dead man's stomach. If it is the
drugs that act, the same effect wuld
be produced on the dead stomach as
upon the living; if, however, it is the
stomach that acts to expel the drug,
we might expect the result we see In
the experiment.
The solution of the problem Is this:
It is the office of the stomach to digest
food, which if taken in the proper
quantity and of the right quality it will
do with no outward manifestation.
Now, when poison, or foreign substance, is taken into the stomach tl is
recognized by the vital power as an
enemy to life, it cannot be assimilated
and appropriated to the uses of the
sjstem in replacing the waste that is
constantly going on, and the instinct
of self-preservation causes the system to make an effort to throw off the
poison, and vomiting ensues, which ls
the manner ln which the stomach rids
itself of a foreign substance.
Each organ makes remedial effort in
its own peculiar way, which does not
prove the trouble Is confined to that
particular organ. Consumption ls generally considered a disease of the lungs,
which only hurries the patient to the
grave. In the first place, morbid matter has accumulated in the system, caused by the obstruction of the
skin, liver, bowels, or other depurating organs, and the impure matter that
should have been thrown off by these
emunctorles is retained in the system,
rendering the blood Impure, and clogging the machinery of life. By and by
remedial action begins; the lungs are
the point from which depuration goes
on, and the action may be so great as
to destroy the part, when death results.
In cases of diarrhoea the bowels are
point of depuration, and if they were
permitted to take a natural course
would usually bring In health, though
we can alleviate the suffering and hasten the purification by supplying the
proper condition.
Instead of this, people generally think
If they can check it, or stop the action,
they have done what is best. This can
be readily done by giving drugs; for
nature, true to herself, never -does two
great things at once, and recognizing
in the medicines a more deadly foe than
the previously-existing poisons, the vital forces are rallied to defend the system from a worse enemy, and the disease is cured? But are the causes removed? No, and as soon as the system recovers from its contest with the
drugs, if so be it has life enough left.
It will renew the struggle, maybe ln
the samo direction, If not, In some
other form of disease, and herein lies
the beauty of the drug practice. If a
doctor once gets a patient on his hands,
he ls pretty sure of a customer for life,
which will not be long unless the patient has a good constitution, in which
case there will be plenty of business
for the profession among his children.
Nothing that Is poisonous ln health
can be beneficial ln dlseaase. All drugs
are poisons, and the only remedies that
should be employed In treating the sick
are those agents that are requisite to
the maintenance of life In a state of
health. These, and these alone, are rational natural materia medica: Air,
sunshine, food, exercise, rest, electricity, magnetism, water, temperature,
cheerfulness, suggestion, and proper
emotional influences. This hygeo-ther-
aeputic method of treating the sick is
in strict accord with free thought in
ethics, recognizing all healing or growth
from within, subject to favorable environment.
The rapid spread of these advanced
views in both religious and medical
practice has aroused both professions
to great activity In order to protect
themselves, by repressive legislation,
and similar methods are employed by
both. At the present time the doctors
are besting the clergy In gaining protective laws, and are really doing more
in the line of compulsion and punishment of heretics, or Interferes with their
dicta, through medical laws and boards
of health that Interfere with individual
liberty; persecutions for healing the
sick without permission of these doctors, and compulsory vac-clnatlon. The
latest move is to compel a man to take
drugs, as reported in the Chicago Tribune of April 1, 1903. tl makes me
wonder where these twin superstitions
will lead us.
Qbe tinman Way.
The crowd packed deep along the
sidewalk was wildly cheering a man
passing by In a carriage.
"What are you cheering for." asked
the man from  Mars.
"That's our president." said a cheerer.
"What's he done so great?" questioned the Marslan.
"Why," exclaimed the enthusiastic
demonstrator,  "he's our president!"
"I see. He's the fellow you've chosen
to rule you, and you cheer him for that.
Isn't that a good deal like whittling out
an Idol and falling clown and worshipping it?"
Then they put the Marslan Into Jail
for an Anarchist.
"It's fine weather we're having. Mr.
Hardwick, and pretty soon everything
In the ground will be peeping out."
"God forbid," replied the farmer, fervently, "I've got two wives burled out
there In the churchyard."
An aged Scotch minister who was
very boastful, says Joseph L. Barbour
of the Connecticut legislature, once said
to his good friend: "Think of It! I
preached two hours and twenty minutes
last Sunday." "Didn't It weary you
very much?" Inquired the other, solicitously. "Oh. no," said the minister.
"But you should have seen the congregation!"
Mayor Low is telling an Incident that
occurred while he was visiting one of
the state prisons In company with a
clergyman. The good man stopped at
a cell of a burglar, and asked solemnly:
"My poor erring brother, have you any
hopes for the future?" "Naw!" answered the prisoner with deep dejection,
"by the time I gets out of this blasted
jail I'll be too old to break Into anybody's house!"
Justly punished���"Wbat was that awful shriek I Just heard?" asked the
author, nervously. "That," explained
the stage manager, as he hurried toward the door, "was the star ln the
death scene. The audience has got
him."���Town Topics.
Safety In numbers: Brannlgan���
"Come home, an' teck supper wid me.
Flannlgan." Flannlgan���"Shure, It's
past yer supper time, now; yer wifeil
be mad as a hatter." Brannlgan���
"That's Just It; she can't lick the two
of us."���Philadelphia Public  Ledger.
Little Clarence-"Pa, what Is a volcano?" Mr. Callipers���"A volcano, my
son, Is a cramped and feverish mountain which belches forth flre. smoke,
lava, statistics, adjecttvex, and 'copy*
for the magazines for two years or
more after the first eruption, and beggars description every time It Is described."���Puck. LOWERY'S  CLAIM.
.
��utlooh for freedom.
jfi'om Zucircr.
The new Roman Catholic Archbishop
of Chicago, Quigley by name, is thus
reported by the Chicago Tribune of
May 5:
"Since I have seen the western parochial schools 1 have come to the conclusion that in fifty years, if things
go on as I see they are going on at
present, the Catholic church will actually own the west."
The Tribune calls this an "optimistic
declaration."
Yes, certainly: It Is an optimistic
View of the future1���for the Roman Catholic church���but how about the rest
of thc people of the west?
Judging the future by tho past, where
will be liberty of speech, of press, and
ol action when the Catholic church
own:* the country?
And that owning the weat means
Owning the United States and the whole
world, iu the estimation of this lordly
hierarch, take this paragraph from the
same report:
"Within twenty years this country is
going to rule the world. Kings and
c mperors will soon pass away, and the
democracy of the l'nited States will
take their place. The west will dominate the country, and what I have seen
o: the western parochial schools has
proved taht the generation which follows us will be exclusively Catholic.
When thc United States rules the world
the Catholic church will rule the
world."
Thc next paragraph outlines the method by which this country and the
world arc to pass under Catholic domination:
"The people of the east do not know
of the- Importance of Chicago In the
west The Catholics know that Chicago is ono of the great Catholic centres of the world. In fifty years Chicago will be exclusively Catholic. The
same may be said of Greater New York
ind the* chiln of big cities stretching
across thc continent to San Francisco.
It has never forced Itself on me���this
conviction���as It has since I have becn
In Chicago. I am not telling you this
to flatter you. I mean what I say. Nothing can stand against the church,
I'd like to see the politician who would
try to rule against the church in chi-
e ago. His reign would be short indeed."
All this is nothing new. For many
years those who have observed the
signs of the times have known that the
single aim of the Roman Catholic officials is universal domination through
and by the control of the l'nited States.
And this control is to be gained by
first capturing the political organizations of thc great centres of population,
knowing full well that as go the cities
so will go the country.
The only new or remarkable feature
of this "optimistic" utterance of Archbishop Quigley Is Its boldness, Its frankness, its unblushing AVOWAL of what
most people wbo read already know,
that the Roman Catholic church Is essentially a political organization, and
that   It   already   holds   the  balance  of
power In Chicago, In New York, in San
Francisco���in all the large cities, and
therefore In all the American states.
It means that no man can be elected
to the office of president of the United
States against the will of the Roman
Catholic hierarchy.
It means that no important, measure
can be enacted into law by the Ameri-
con congress, or by any state legislature, that does not have the sanction
of the Roman Catholic church.
It means that no great economic question, such as the coal strike in Pennsylvania, can be settled contrary to the
wishes and Interests of Rome.
And what are the wishes and Interests of Rome In the matter of econom
Jes���In the matter of Industry and finance9
I do not need to say that these Interests are identical with the interests
of the money kings, the plutocratic exploiters of labor, the world over. Rome
Is too shrewd not to know that next ln
Importance to control over sex, and reproduction of the race, ls control over
the production of the necessaries upon
which the race must feed, and by which
it must be warmed, else perish from the
earth.
Hence the Roman hierarchy, and the
dally papers under their control, lose
no opportunity to denounce and misrepresent the doctrines and purposes of
the anarchists and socialists of the
country, who are the only people who
demand and work for the equal right
of all thc earth and what It contains.
Take this utterance of Archbishop Cor-
rigan. last November In New York, as
quoted approvingly by the Chicago
Chronicle:
"Socialism does not promote fraternity. Christianity alone can do that
Socialism Is not Christianity. All the
leaders of Socialism have been opposed
to Christianity. All of them are agnostics or Infidels or against religion."
Commenting upon this autharitative
utterance of the Roman hierarchy the
Chronicle said:
"It is strange that the history of the
world makes apparently so little impress upon the theories of avowed Socialists. They point to a Utopia that
has never been grasped, even fragmen-
tarily. without dismal failure. They
claim, as Archbishop Corrigan says,
that In their respective beehives there
will be no room for drones. But, a3 the
same critic lucidly points out, rights
nnd duties have never been and never
can be made equal among all men."
Here, as in a nutshell, we have the
difference stated, the contention outlined, that now divides the Roman Catholic hierarchy on the one hand���together with Its allies, the plutocrats ln
politics, the Republican and Democratic
parties, Including the vast majority of
so-called Freethinkers, Atheists, Agnostics, Liberal Christians, Spiritualists, Protestant sects, Jews, etc., etc.,
and on the other hand the Philosophic
Anarchists and Scientific Socialists���
for, as George D. Herron very clearly
shows, the ultimate aim of these two
gerat divisions of the army of progress
are one and the same.
The Roman hierarchy and its allies
stand for inequality of "rights and
duties." They would have privilege for
the few, wealth and honors for the
few, rulership for the few, and obedience and servitude, exploitation and
comparative poverty for the maify,
while Philosophic Anarchism and Scientific Socialism stand for equality of
rights and privileges for all, including,
of course, the most important of all
r ights and privileges, that of being born
well, and special privileges for none.
make XLbem Wbite.
A surgeon of Chicago before a learned
society lately advocated the annihilation of the entire negro race. The
proposition looks monstrous on the
face, but the method as proposed is
possible, easy, humane, and consists
simply of Intermarriage or intermixing
with the whites.
1st. White mixes with Negro���product, Mulatto.
2nd. White mixes with Mulatto���product, Quadroon.
3rd. White mixes with Quadroon-
product, Octoroon. And the thing is
done; the negro by a harmless, plausible procedure is obliterated, for at the
octoroon all trace, track and symptom
of the African is gone.
On precisely the same principle and
somewhat by the same methods the
white race, and in fact all races, can be
brought up to a state of perfection now
undreamed of���and In no other way.
Breed the bad out and the good ln.
But the mighty powers and influences stand in the way and can he depended on to fiercely oppose. The
church will stand by it, with her anathemas ready. She will not without a
fight loosen the strangle-hold she has
on humanity by and through controll-
ir.g, managing and permitting the union
of the sexes.
This act, which she declares to be In
itself utterly depraved, sinful and desperately wicked, she claims she can by
a few incantations, invocations and cab*
allstlc passes so miraculously change
that ever after it becomes honorable,
pure and holy.
Such are some of the absurdities of
superstition. But the job brings easy
money and she wants to hang on to it
Still we are not without hope. The
day is breaking. The morning star is
shining. Mankind are beginning to
think, Many are demanding more freedom, freedom to follow as their conscience dictates and be individuals instead of automatons.
Uouri&t*
mt> Strangers
When In New Denver, will find the NEW
MARKET HOTEL a good place ta oamp over
night. From its balconies the nne9t scenery
in the world can be seen without extra charge 8
LOWERY'S  CLAINt.
alleged Wumor.
Teacher���Johnny, of course you know
what a lawyer Is?
Johnny���Yes, ma'am; one lives next
door to us.
Teacher���Well.then, please define the
word.
Johnny���I can't teacher; dere Is young
ladies in de class.���Philadelphia Telegraph.
According to reecnt reports a young
man at Decatur is in trouble over an
old game. The young man purchased
two thousand cigars which he had insured for their full value, smoked them
up and demanded the Insurance. The
suit was easily won ln the courts, but
he was afterwards arrested for setting
flre to his own property.
An English scholar declares that Sir
Walter Raleigh never set foot on Virginia soil. After a while all our long
cherished legends will be shattered, but
there will still be found solace in the
weed that Sir Walter was credited wilh
discovering.
Making progress: "Wiljams, have you
named the baby yet?" "Almost. We've
got the two grandmothers to agree to
arbitrate the case."���Chicago Tribune.
Patience���"Did you say she came
from fighting stock?" Patrice���"Yes;
her mother and father were both members of church choirs in their early
days."���Yonkers Statesman.
"If a fairy should appear to you and
offer you three wishes," said the imaginative young woman, "what would you
do?" "I'd sign the pledge," answered
the matter-of-fact man.���Washington
Star.
In Boston: The policeman���"Say,
son, are you lost?" Child���"No, sir. I
know my whereabouts perfectly, but I
presume my father and mother would
like to be directed to where I am."���
Kansas City Independent.
Defiance: "Lay on mad throng," hissed the tragedian; "lay on! Ye may
cast your antiquated eggs; 'twill avail
ye naught. Never shall Hamphat Mc-
Booth bow his neck to the yolk."���Cornell Widow.
"How ls your daughter getting on
with her music?" "Splendidly," answered Mrs. Cumrox; "she can go to a
classical concert and tell exactly where
to applaud without watching the rest
of the audience."���Washington Star.
The count (old enough to be a grandfather and after Miss Money ton)���"I
haf asked your mamma and she gif her
consent���and���now I���er "       Miss
Moneyton���"I am so glad! But won't
It be funny to call you papa?"���Llppin-
cott's Magazine.
A London clockmaker has placed the
following notice in his wondow: "The
misguided creature who removed the
thermometer from this door had better
return it, as it will be of no use.where
he is going, as It only registers one
hundred and twenty-five degrees."���
Answers.
"How wasteful of that gardener!"
murmured the star boarder as he bit
savagely but hopelessly at his asparagus. "How is that?" asked the landlady. "Why, if he had let these stalks
grow one week longer he could have
sold them for telegraph poles."���Baltimore American.
Parson Johnson���"Ah wish de mud-
ders ob dis congregation would bring
deyr babies to church wlf dem. Nevah
mind how young dey am, Jess bring 'em
erlong. If dey am too young to appreciate de significance ob de service, dey
can. at least, yell an' keep de deacons
awake!"���Puck.
Social success: "Who Is this Sum-
plunks that's cutting such a wide swath
at Gnuport?" "He's a young man of
wonderful versatility. You ought to
see him when he puts him thumb In
his ears, waves his Angers back and
forth, and brays like a donkey. The
imitation is startling."���Chicago Tribune.
The American father: "Ascum���"Another baby, and a girl this time, eh?
How does it make you feel to have a
daughter?" Popley���"Great! One of
the first things you think about it is
how a foreign nobleman will come
courting her some day, and how you'll
turn him down good and proper."���
Philadelphia Press.
"I'm perfectly willing." said Senator
Boodle, "to comply with any reasonable request of my constituents."
"Well," replied the spokesman, "there's
only one thing we'd like you to do that
you've never done before, and which
no one will expect you to do again."
"And that ls?" "Die, if you please."���
Philadelphia Public Ledger.
A true friend: The thug���"Say aint
youse de guy wot lectured about "Civic
Morality' last night and said that only
a blackguard would carry a gun?" Victim���"Y-yes! That was I." Thug���
"Well, I won't bodder youse den. Yer
a good pal o* mine. So long."���Chicago
News.
A Spokane woman was called home
by her mother's Illness. The mother
died, and the daughter telegraphed her
husband: "Mother dead. Shall we
cremate, embalm, or bury the remains?" ���
The husband answered: "Do all
three.    Take no chances."
a Sensitive man.
"Ah! good morning," said a well-
known gentleman, addressing a man
whom he met on the street.
"How are you. colonel?"
"Look here," the first speaker, after
a short pause, continued, "every day
I discover additional evidences of the
fact that you do not like me. Why Is
It?"
"Do you mean why you discover the
evidences or why I do not like you?"
"Why you do not like me, of course."
"Well. In the first place, you are such
an outrageous liar."
"Yea"
"And. In the second place, It has been
proved that you are a thief."
"Well,' said the colonel, "I merely
wanted to know, and It strikes me that
your reasons are very good. I am a
sensitive man. and It nettles me to
think that anyone dislikes me without
a cause. I am glad you have expressed  yourself so clearly."
At the time of Confederation the
Dominion assumed the debt of the
Grand Trunk Railway Company to the
Province of Canada. It amounted to
$25,607,393. not a dollar of which, In In-
te rest or principal, has been paid. Is
that not a pretty good subsidy ln Itself.���Kingston  Whig.
Two young ladles got a horse and rig
of Harry Fairfield recently for a drive
to the Mission. Just as they started
out they asked If the horse was perfectly safe. "He's all right." satd Harry.
"If you keep the rein off his tall." On
their return that evening, Harry asked
the ladles how the horse drove. "Oh.
he was perfectly lovely." said one of
the maidens. "It rained a little while
we were driving out, but one of us
drove while the other held an umbrella
ever his tall, and not a drop got on It,
so we had no trouble at all." And It
took Harry an hour to get the dazed
look off his face.
O'Hoolahan���Are the republicans
goin' to have "Vote for Roosevelt and
a Full Dinner Pall" on their banners
In 1904. Ol wonder?
O'Callahan���No; they'll be having
"Vote for Roosevelt and a Full Baby
Carriage" Instead.���Denver Post.
A CHURCH FAIR  BOOMERANG.
Mr. Jackson���Dat grab-bag am a
swindle*. I paid a quartah fo, a grab
an' see whad I done got!
Mr.  Johnson���What  am It?
Mr. Jackson���De same lend nickel I
put In de contribution box last Sunday.
It adds nothing to the piety of a pnr-
iot that It has learned to pray.
Gr����at thoughts, like church spires,
part the clouds. LOWERY'S  CLAIM.
%e Got Wattled
The   father  of  a  17-year-old   young
lady tells the following story on a Slocan City young man  who stopped at
his house one night last week:   According to the father's story of  the "sad
affair,"   the young man  called on his
daughter   to   spend   the  evening,   and
when he got ready to leave he realized
that  a  heavy  storm  was raging outside.    He had no umbrella or rubber
coat and when the girl's father asked
him to remain at the house he readily
consented.   He is a very bashful young
man, and next morning when he was
Invited   to a seat at  the table he reluctantly accepted.   He was very nervous and  agitated.    He sat  opposite a
mirror and discovered that he had forgot to comb his hair.   Then he dropped
his knife and fork on the floor, and as
he stooped to pick them up he upset
his coffee.    Matters went from bad to
worse until finally In despair the young
man quit eating and put his bands under  the  table.    The   loose  end  of  the
tablecloth   was   lying   In   his   lap  and
when he touched It he turned pale.   He
thought  it   was  his  shirt,  and  in   his
nervous   excitement   had   forgotten   to
put   the  garment   Inside   his   trousers.
That accounted for the smiles and hia
embarrassment.   There was no time to
lose.   He hurriedly stuffed the supposed
shirt Inside his trousers.   Two minutes
later when  the family arose from the
breakfast table there was a crash. The
dishes   lay  In   a  broken   mass on   the
floor;    the young man pulled two feet
of tablecloth  out   of  his   trousers and
fled through the door.   He is yet In the
woods back of his home. In the suburban part of the town.   The young lady
he called on Is open for engagement to
a less nervous man.
"You could tell at one by hia manner  SOUUd tbe (BOUQ
and without looking at the programme,
that he was the husband of the young
woman; at least, that would be the inference   of  every   intelligent   playgoer
present
"The husband took off his coat, laid
aside his umbrella, and drew from his
breast pocket a heavy Colt's revolver.
"In the midst of a silent embrace of
the hero and heroine he fired.
"The young woman fell dead.
"He fired again, and the young man
was similarly disposed of.
"Then the traveler came forward, put
on a pair of eyeglasses, and contemplated his sanguinary work.
" 'Great heavens!' he exclaimed, "I
am on the wrong floor.' "
If you want to win
Before you die,
Don't waste time
Pessimizing.
Uplift your heart!
Why drift and sigh?
There's wealth In
Advertising.
Life is short
And death is long,
And rivals
Enterprising.
Then grasp your Chance.
Shout!   Sound the gong!
Go in for
Advertising.
One of Mooles Jokes.
"What I want is a bright, short play/
said   Toole   to   the   amateur   who   had
brought htm a six-act drama with lucid
Intervals.
"How do you mean��� a short, bright
drama?"  said  the  author.
"Well, something with what the Americans call snap���a thing with point
to It; I don't care whether It Is farce,
comedy, or drama. If It has effective
situations and good telling climaxes."
"Can you give me an Idea of the sort
cf thing you mean?" asked the budding
author.
"Oh, yes," said Toole. "I remember
one of the shortest and certainly the
best play of Its kind Imaginable; It was
so direct, you know, nnd yet left so
much to the Imagination.
"It was In one act.
"When the curtain went up two persons were discovered on a sofa; one
was a pretty young women, the other
a nice-looking young fellow.
"They embraced each other silently:
neither of them, you understand, said
a word.
"Then a door opened at the back and
a traveler entered.
"He wore an overcoat, and carried an
umbrella.
a more Cbeerful View
Two men who had been sitting together In the seat near the door of a
railway car became engaged in a controversy, and their loud voices attracted the attention of all the passengers.
Suddenly one of them arose and said:
"Ladles and gentlemen, I appeal to
you to decide a disputed point. My
friend here insists that not more than
three people out of every five believe
they have souls. I take a more cheerful view of humanity than that. Will
all of you who believe you have souls
raise your right hands?"
Every hand in the car went up.
"Thank you," he said with a smile.
"Keep them up Just a minute. Now
will all of you who believe in a hereafter please raise your left hand.
Every hand in the car went up.
"Thank you," he said. "Now, while
all of you hav eyour hands raised," he
ecntinued, drawing a pair of revolvers,
and levelling them, "my friend here
will go down the aisle and relieve you
of whatever valuable articles you may-
have.   Lively now, Jim."
matrmonial %ppbenations
A certain paper gave an account of a
German girl named Barrow who married a young German named Whele.
Tbe headlines read thus: Whole-Barrow.   Next!���Smithville Transcript.
That's nothing. It actually occurred
up the state last week that a fellow
named Moore married a girl named
Miss Boose. Had the editor only dared
to put a heading to the write-up of this
wedding it would have read thus:
Moore-Boose.���Flatonla Record.
Over in East Texas a young man
named Damm and a Miss Sell were
united in wedlock, and the local paper
leaded it "Damm-Sell." Which one
was It on?���Hallettsville Herald.
Sberidans favorite Storp
General "Phil." Sheridan was at one
time asked at what little Incident did
he laugh at most.
������Well," he said, "I do not know but
I always laugh when I think of the
Irishman and the army mule. I was
riding down the line one day, when I
saw an Irishman mounted on a mute
that was kicking freely. The mule
finally got Its hoof caught.in thes��r
rup. when. In the excitement, the Irish
mil, "Well    begorrah,   if
man   remarked.        well,   u*jb     % |f
you're going to get on, 111 get off.
Indulgent father (dining in restaurant)���"! presume, Horace, while you
were attending that foreign medical
college you formed the foolish and reprehensible habit of drinking beer?"
Son���"Why, yes, father; I just had to
drink occasionally. All the other students did." Indulgent father���"Walter,
two beers!"���Chicago Tribune.
A heavier loss: Hark, In the dark
watches of the night they could plainly
hear footsteps in the kitchen. "Burglars!" he exclaimed, hastily covering
up his head. "Oh, Henry!" sighed his
wife: "I wish I had your faculty for
looking at the bright side of things.
I'm sure it's that Brown woman trying
to entice my cook away."���Kansas City
Independent.
The violinist Kubellk has a great
readiness of wit. He had played one
afternoon at a women's reception at
the Waldorf-Astoria and afterward he
stcod In 8 corner silent. A young girl,
approaching him, said:
"Pardon me, sir, but your handkerchief Is hanging out of your pocket."
"Thank you," said Kubellk, "thank
>ou for this warning. You know the
company better than I do."
Ingenuity's reward: "You say Burton
Is leading a double life? I'm astonished. He's the last man In the world I'd
suspect of anything of that kind."
"Yes, his wife's In Europe, and he has
to stay down at the office nearly every
evening to copy with his own hand tha
nice, gossopy letter his typewriter has
written for him during tbe day. He
says it's a great scheme, though."���Ex.
Husband  (angrily)-'i  never saw  a
woman as hard to please as you are.
Wife   (calmly)-"My  dear,  you  forget
that I married   you."-Chicago   Daily
News. 10
LOWERY'S  CLAIM.
ft
NEXT of KIN
"By Elizabeth
Cherry Waltz
CswrlfH. 1902. ., the S. S. HOmt tmm
CI
August Werner was hammering stolidly away at his pigpen when a small
figure appeared in the barn door. The
young farmer at once suspended opera-
lions, for it was an occasion when
Aunt Happy braved her fear of the
cattle pens. She held a letter In her
hand
"Der carrier blew der horn, und here
vas a new kind of letter py you, August"
"Let's see. Aunt Happy���'A. Werner,
Abbeyvllle, Mercer county.' That looks
like me. It's from Pittsburg, Pa. Well,
I do not know any one there."
He tore open the end anel took out a
typewritten sheet of paper. As he
glanced through it he got red In the
face.
"Vlll der anything wrong pe?" que
riexl the smalt woman.
"Nothing wrong, but something I
dou't at all  understand.    Say,  Aunt
Happy, you knew my mother, didn't
you? Had she any relatives In Pennsylvania V
"Vas it kin, you meansV Veil, she
neffer said nodlx py me. Vas It good
news or pad news, August?"
"Hard to tell In one way. Tlmt lettei
says that a cousin of my mother is
dead and has left me$2,C0U to look aft
er his little girl. He was on Ir.s wuj
here when he was taken sick In Pitts
burg and died. The lawyer that writ
has sent her right along for tne to k��-. .
until she is married. She's got s* me .
her own"���
"My, my!" cried Aunt Happy.    "V:H
strange diugs!    You take care mli  it
young cliilt?    t  dinks it's  me itnhi
eare mit der chllt.  August,  unci  ><.
gits der money."
"It looks that way," replied the uiuti
cheerfully, "only I think there is n mis
take. There's one thing certain ar.d
that is she will be In Abbey villi1 c :i i-v
afternoon train, and I have to ^ > l:i
nnd bring her out here."
"I puts n ped In my rooms." prompt!)
replied Aunt Happy, "und it vlll ninl .
much difference iu dor bouse. Au. u*t
You vas getting too uir.eh to stay in e!*r
house und py inc. Der chili mini \u
made ferry happy mil der fairs unl
der circus und der picnics."
It is hard to tell what August's tool
ings were as he drove along the emu-
try  road; nt   least   the  money   won lei
pay off the remainder of bis mortgage
and buy the cove*u*d ten acres thai cut
Into his land so badly.    Again ho real
ized that he bad been a  lonely  mnu
and that a child would lighten bis life.
The eastern train was later tban be
thought, and partly to pass the time
August got shaved nnd made some pur
chases be afterward regarded us provl
dentin I. Several passengers alighted,
but no small girl. In a tremor of an\i
ty August ran along to the conductor
"There was a small girl to come OD
this train from Pittsburg," he said
breathlessly.
The conductor grinned.
"From Pittsburg? We had n paseen
ger. but sho was fl pretty big glil
There she Is over there.   All aboard!"
August stared clown the platform and
beheld a young luely. elegantly dressed
to his simple mind nnd carrying a guitar ense. He walked toward her in
confusion.
"My name Is Werner." he began eliili
dently.   "I am looking for a glrl"-
She smiled bnck timidly.
"Then you nre my cousin���all the
cousin I have. We were on the way
here when papa was taken ill."
August turned away from her face
of grief and tried to speak gruffly.
"I'll send for your trunks. We wiil
ride right out and my housekeeper.
Aunt Happy, will make you comfortable."
In this confounding situation Aunt
Sappy was bin tower of refuge Flei
face  www  -  nuidv  BJ she  helued   Utin
carry In the stranger'a bundles, but she
never wavered.
"I hopes It vas ferry veil you vat;."
she said, beaming ns usual.
Gertrude HailetOD felt like a weary
mariner who has reached a home port.
"My father played in an orchestra al
���bs* aEe"wunagBjP* she said. "Some
times I weut along; sometimes I went
to schools. I never had a home. 1
want to stay here with you and Aunt
Happy uutll you are tired of me."
"It vlll for us a ferry good thing pe,"
snld Aunt Happy, and so it was settled.
August Werner wrote to the lawyer
and told him of the situation. Three
months passed, and Gertrude Hazleton
was another creature, plump, care free
ind happy. The roses bloomed, and ln
the summer evenings she sang little
longs to the tinkle of the guitar.
One hot July morning a buggy drove
to the front gate. From it descended
l pomp*.us individual nnd a red faced,
middle aged mnu of unattractive appearance. They were met by Auut
Happy.
"Is Mr. August Werner here? Does
I Miss Hazleton stay here?"
"O Ja," smiled Aunt Happy.
"We want to see them," said the
pompous mini, sitting dowu to mop bis
brow.
Aunt Happy seized a bell rope and
by a vigorous pull startlexl the pigeons
from tbe vine wreathed little cupola
above. Then up the lane from the or-
chard came the blond August side by
Bide with the darker Gertrude. It was
s pretty picture.
"Is tbis August Werner?" demanded
the red faced man.
"It is," returned the young farmer.
"Well, my name la Werner, too���Albert Werner. 1 live ln Crosby township, nnd you got a letter meant for
mc last spring. This young woman Is
my niece, tbe daughter of my mother's
cousin, wbo married Jerome Hazleton.
How does she come to be kept here?"
"I received n letter to uieH��t her nt
Abbeyvllle," returned August, somewhat hotly. "I've been writing to the
man wbo sent her."
"Trying to get that money?" sneered
the stranger. "Well. It's mine. And
I've come after my niece."
"I don't wunt the money unless It ts
mine," retorted August, "but Gertrude
bas stayed of her own will."
. "Dot's der truth." added Aunt Happy.
"She got no use to go vuy."
"I'm the Pittsburg lawyer," put In tbe
pompous individual, "and 1 had to come
out here to get this thing straight.
This Albert Werner Is your cousin,
Miss Hazleton."
It wns Gertrude's turn now.
"I don't care about that," she retorted. "I never will go with nny one who
talks to August like that. 1 know all
about the will. It wns made wheu I
wajiji Uttle_girL   I'm of age now." LOWERY'S  CLAIM.
11
"The will says until you are uinr
rled"��� began the lawyer.
Aunt Happy slapped the eloorsill
gleefully.
"Dot vns der pest choke!" she Raid
feelingly.
August took the floor, bis hlg bine
eyes laughing. "If being married cases
up this any. we'll have It over with nt
once Instead of next Sunday, ns we In-
tended. Tbat fixes the money, for It
mentions to 'the next of kin.' ancl a
son-in-law is a great deal nearer tban a
third or fourth cousin, isn't it. s pure?"
"Veil, veil!" smiled Aunt Happy.
"Dot vas der goot ray out of it. I vas
so gay I feds liko der circus und dor
fair und dor picnics vas all der time
now."
But tbo lovers had wandered bnck
to the garden band in band, oblivious
of anger, greed, malice and the whole
world.
their anchorages and dropped Into the
chasm. But there was one mnn who,
despite the danger, stepped forward.
That man waa William Ellis.
"Will yon go, Bill?" asked Engineer
Hulett.
Ellis simply bowed his head and
made his way to the basket. He was
given a short tedder, and as he was let
out from the bank he was cautioned to
take only one man In at a time.
Down the slender cable way the basket sped. The wind roared and tbe
rain seemed trying to drown the men
who stood about. Out, farther out, well
RESCUED IN  MIDAIR.
Darlns   Deed   of   William   RUU   at
MiiKuru   llrldue.
The recent death of William Kills of
Niagara Falls recalls one of the most
daring deeds lu the annals of tin1
mighty cataract, ln 1848 Kills saved
four men from a terrible death. It
was nt the time when the tirst bridge
was la-lug thrown across tbe Niagara
01) the side of the lower stc-cl arch.
when the famous railway suspension
bridge stood for many ye*ars. Connection bad boon made between tbc
mighty cliffs, and tlie engineers ancl the
workmen under them bad drawn over
cables, on which tbey bad erected
crude platforms.
There were two of these, and ono
afternoon when several men were fur
out on tbose platforms working on
the structure a terrible tornado swe-pt
down thc gorge.
The men near tbc cliffs hastened to
shore*, but far out toward the center
tbe wind had swung one of the platforms across the other. Some portions were torn away, and beyond the
opon spnec-s huyg four men. swinging
bnck ancl forth 160 feet above the river, expecting every minute* that tbey
would be torn from their hold and
drop to death oo the rocks far below
or fall victims of the mighty Hood tliat
ot this point pours Into the whirlpool
rnplds at almost fifty miles an hour.
Judge T. (J. Hulett, Niagara's grand
old man, wns one of tbc- engineers. Ho
realized that if tbc men out on tbc cables wore to bo saved tin* rescue must
be speedy, ile called for some man to
volunteer to go out in tbc old Iron basket, now in the possession ot tbo Buffalo Historical society, to try to rescue tbo men.
All wore anxloiiR to hnve tbo men
saved, but tbo majority dreaded going
far out from the cliffs on tbe cables.
Which might any moment be torn from
BLLI8 RAISED THE LADDER.
nigh toward the center, tbc old Iron
basket shot. To the man farthest out
Mi-. Ellis dlrcctcHl his way.
When ho approached the place whore
the mnn was banging, he stretched out
the tedder, aud tbe man slid Into tho
basket, which was hauled toward thr
bank. But Mr. Ellis did not pass the
other men. Notwithstanding he bad
becn told to rescue one at a time, they
all begged so hard thnt he bad not the
heart to let them stay there a minute
longer than possible, so that when the
haaket waa again pulled toward the
shore It contained five men, four of
whom owed their Uvea to William Ellis.
PHANTOM HAUNTS FARM.
Strange Happenings In a House Ia
Yorkshire, England.
Uncanny happenings continue to thrill
the villagers of Brleiiey, in Yorkshire,
England.
The tenant of the "haunted" farm,
Mr. Leyboume, appears to believe in a
supernatural agency as firmly as an
eminent lljcraxy. man once did in the
Cock lane ghost
A sturdy gamekeeper stated that he
had seen a kitchen chair topple over
four tlm* i Jn succession and then fall
on the floor, all with no visible external
stimulus.
But the "ghost'a" behavior toward
the farmer and hia wife ls most deserving of reprobation. It pelted Mr. Ley-
bourne with articles, dragged clothes
aud pillows from the beds and piled
them in a heap and put the whole
I.ouse in confusion.
Thc farmer is said to have been exasperated into leveling his gun at the
visitant, visible on one occasion, but
refrained from firing.
Meanwhile tables and chairs still
move about the premises, and from the
noises heard daily one might suppose
that the lineal descendants of the mysterious disturbers of the Wesleya' house
were in possession.
���Wreedy Animals.
It may be doubted whether those of
us who are able to obtain sufficient
food without difficulty can appreciate
the craving for sustenance experienced
by sea birds and other animals which
have of ton by tbe force of circumstances to fast for long periods. Gulls
will oat until thoy cannot fly and when
thoy find pilchards on board a boat
will continue their feast until they can
only lie down and gasp. A superfluity
of food comes at such long Intervals
that when It does come the avian intellect reels at the prospect, and what
scorns a horn of plenty brings dire disaster. Seeing that gulls and gannets
know no bett r, we are not surprised
to boar of a John Dory, stuffed to the
very mouth, floating helplessly on the
surface of the water, unable to escape
from a flock of sea birds wbich have
deprived It of Its eyesight and will
quickly take away Its life.
A snake which thrusts Its head
through the palings to seize an unwary
frog and finds itself unable to draw
back again with tbe frog in its throat
has wit enough to disgorge the amphibian and to deftly draw it through
by the log so as to swallow lt on the
safe side of the palings. But probably
a snake wbich happened to ba on the
wrong side, in company with a frog,
would consume it on the promises and
so render itself Incapable of wriggling
through the bars.���Longman'1*, 12
LOWERY'S  CLAIM.
An  Old Favorite
>�����������>��>���������������������������������������������������������������������<
THE WORLD  I AM  PASSING THROUGH
By   Lydia   Maria  Child
LYDIA MAUI A CHILD, author and abolitionist, waa
born at Medford. Mass. Feb. 11. 1M)2. and died at Way-
land. Mass.. Oct. 20. is&o. Mrs Child was one of the
strongest workers in tho antlslavery agitation, her writings aiding materially In the stirring up of the north.
Hcr 'Appeal In Behalf of That Class of Americans
Called Africans " published In 1S33. sold widely, but -coat
Mrs. Child the loss of many friendships. She wrote
many books, among them "Hobomok." a story; *The
Mother's Book." "Tho Frugal Housewife" and '"''Aspirations of the World."
���>���
FEW, in the days of early youth.
Trusted liko me in love and truth.
I've teamed sad lessons from the years;
But slowly, nnd with many tears;
For God made* me to kindly view
Tbe world that i .was passing through.
How little did I once believe
Th.lt friendly tom��s e-ould e'er deceive!
Tbat kindness, and forbearance long.
Might moot Ingratitude* and wrong!
I-could not help but kindly view
The world that I was passing through.
And though I've learned some souls are bnse,
I would not. therefore, bate tbo race;
I still would ble��ss my follow men,
And trust them though deceived again.
God help me still to kindly view
Tbe world that I am passing through!
Through weary conflicts I have passed.
And struggled into rest nt last;
Such  rest as when tbo rack has broke
A joint, or nerve, at every stroke.
Tbo wish survives  to kindly view
The world tbat i am passing through.
From all that fate has brought to mo
I  strive to team humility,
Anel trust in Iiim wbo rules above,
Whoso universal law Is love.
Thus only can I kindly viow
The world tbat I am passing through.
When I approach the setting sun,
And feel my Journey nearly done,
May earth be veiled ln gonial light.
And her last smile to me seem bright!
Help me till then to kindiy view
Tbe world thut I am passing through!
And all who tempt a trusting heart
From faith and hope to drift apart���
May they themselves be spared the pain
Of losing powor to trust again!
God help us all to kindly view
The world tbat we arc passing through!
The Gifts of the West.
Tbe west gave to the world such
types as the farmer Thomas Jefferson,
with his Declaration of Independence,
his statute for religious toleration and
hia purchase of Louisiana    She gave
ub  Andrew  Jackson, that fierce Ten
ncssee spirit who broke d��wn tlie tru
ditiotis   of   conservative    rult\   swept
away the privacies and privilege's of
ottlctiildom nnd. like a Otithic leader,
Opened the temple of the nation to ths
populace.   She gave us Abraham I.in
com,  whose gaunt frontier form uud
gnarled, massive hand tol�� of tbo con
fllct with the forest, whose grasp on
the ax handle of the piorver was no
firmer than his grasp of die hoi in of
the ship of state as It breaded the seas
of civil war.   She gave us the tragedy
of the pioneer farmer aa be marched
daringly on to the conquer', of tbe arid
lands and met hia first defat by forces
too strong to be dealt wlrh under thc
old conditions.    She haa furnished to
this new democracy her scores of in in
eral wealth that dwarf tb*.^ie of the old
world and her provlnce-s that In them-
selves are vaster and more productive
tban  most of the nations of  Kurope
Out of her bounty has cone a nation
whose   Industrial   competition   alarm*
the old world and whose masters of her
resources wield wealth and power vast
v than the wealth and power of kings
-Frederick J. Turner in At.mtlc.
A  Fatefal  Ciame of < ness.
It is a Spanish tradition tlsit tbc fate
ot Columbus overhung on a game of
ihem. For years the greet navigator
had haunted the Spanish court trying
to Interest some one In bis phi us. but at
last be determined to ebandoo tat-
country and visit Prance The night
beforo bis iutonded departure be sought
un audience with tbe que*o'i to communicate hia intentions and to tako bis
leave. Tbe queen asked rim to watt
while she made a not Iut e*f'.)rt to Inter
ewt the king. She found F<fdlnund en
guutHl nt a game of cbe*ss. Mid disturb
Ing bim by be*r entrance e*n isod bim t->
lose a plen'e*. Annoyed und 'rritnted by
the Incident, the king, aftel rudely eh*
nounclng Columbus nnd h's scheme's,
informed Isabella that the result of tho
petition would depend on the result of
tbe game. It grew wort*", nnd tlio
chances were all against tbe launching
of the expedition. But tbe queen, ovor
looking tbe board, whispered to ber august spouse a suggestion relative to a
move tbat would be advantageous. The
king followed the advice, the complex-
ten of the game was quickly reversed
and Columbus' dream of years was
realised at last
It is now deemed probable that the
average man never gets entirely rid of
the microbes that are kissed into him
when he is a baby.���Puck. LOWERY'S   CLAIM.
13
For a
Happy Day
By M. MX. WILLIAMS
Copyright l��E, by tho
S. S. McCluro Company
Out in tbe garden Phllomenn sang
so sweet and high It was like the
scent of the clove pinks. Tbey stretch-
ed ln a matted mass all up and down
the old fashioned borders. The garden
was big, and a wide, weathered gray
house brooded beside lt. Time was
when the Tryon house had been the
finest and most hospitable in all the
countryside. In the day of broken fortunes it still kept an aroma of cheery
gocxl will.
Lusty bundre��d leaf roses grew behind the bordering pinks. Phllomena
was snipping tbem ruthlessly, cutting
thorn without stems nnd dropping
tbem In her apron. It bulged ridiculously with the mass of bloom, but she
kept crowding In clipped pinky white
petals, protending to be conscious of
nothing but hor work.
Somebody bad come up behind her,
a tall, young follow, supple and merry
eyed. He undid the apron strings delicately, gatheml the band ln his hands,
stretching daring arms about her
waist, and said: "Stop staying your
thousands, I'liil: One rose ought to
love her sisters too well for wholesale
murder."
rhllomena slid from bis clusp, dexterously leaving the huddled apron
within his bands. "If I wero a rose, 1
hnd rather be clipped for iwtpourrl
than be left to waste and wither," she
said with n delicious upward tilt of
the chin.
"Being interpreted, thut means you
have not given up a stago career," Arthur Wayne said, catching her hand.
"Phil, Phil," he wont on, "you must
give it up. I cannot bear to think of
my roae, my rose of all the world,
withering, fading, in thc glare of the
footlights,"
"Stop! We have gone over all that!"
Phllomena said Imperiously, "l toll
you, 1 must go. It la past bearing, tbo
way things are now. Ob, I know my
aunts would not starve. They've a
roof over their heads, nnd Undo John
���but I cannot speak of him. What 1
cannot bear longer Is to see tbem
pinched, unhappy, lacking tbe little
comfort8 thnt mean bo much in age,
feeling themselves dependent"
"You know our home would be
theirs," Arthur Interrupted.
Thll gave bim a reproachful look.
"You won't understand," she said. "All
their lives they bav���� *>���*-��** -M*��wabody,
gentlewomen, able to hold up their
beads. Gentlewomen hate charity.
They risked money and lost it, against
uncle's advice, for my sake. Now,
when 1 um told 1 bave a fortune in
my throat, I must take cure of tbem,
even If lt breaks my heart"
The last word was unde*r breath.
Wayne made to draw bor to him, but a
brisk, bustling voice behind tbem saJd:
"So ho! Very pretty! Upon my word,
very pretty! Are we rehearsing for
Strephon and Cbloe?" Theu without
waiting answer tbe newcomer ran on:
"Miss Tryon, be ready for the early
train tomorrow. I've a letter from
Franzoni. He will try your voice, provided you come to him by 10 o'clock in
the morning."
"I shall go with you." Arthur said,
openly taking Phil ln his arms.   "I said
you muat choose, dear.   Let me take it
back,   if go you will, let me follow-
everywhere."
"No, no! I will not let you spoil your
life!" Phil protested, but he held* bor
fast, saying, as he looked Music Master Graham square in the eye: "Phtlo-
mena is my promised wife and not by
a fair weather promise. Wherever you
may take her I shall go too."
Graham's  eyes   were  quizzical,  yet
not  unkind.    "That's as  you  please,
young man," he said, waving bis hand
up and down.    "But If you'll hood a
friendly word, stay behind, at least at
tirst.   You see, you'd be so patently, so
palpably romantic you'd bo set down.
not as a fact, but a press agent's fake.
Tbe voice thoro." nodding toward Phil-
omoua. "is so pure, so golden, so rarely
true It needs to bo kept high, not vul
garized.   I give you my word the roar
ing lions supposed to haunt stago doors
aro really no more tban yelping curly
poodles.   Thoy tag after and fawn upon  you   for  an  encouraging  look  or
word, como to thc whistle ancl tumble
ovor themselves to follow a linger even
half lifted.    But as for danger, my
friend, even nn unconscious look scares
thorn.    Miss Tryon Las ouly to be herself In order to be always and everywhere perfectly safe."
"Notwithstanding 1 shall go," Arthur said obstinately.
Graham shrugged bis shoulders. Miss
Tryon, tho elder of the aunts, came
tripping between the borders, her delicately wrinkled face exhaling a spiritual" fragrance like the scout of dried
rose leaves. "Come In, all of you." sbe
suid eagerly.   'There's a peddler on the
sulci oagcn.��.        i i,o Innka Bf
pla���a, an elderly man at <      looks *
i-.--.-i cirrvin'-r that heavy pack.   s>uev
v ?1JtasV   Ves." deprecatingly to
���ovcij things,   i let hIm
nud   l   let  bim
vas after w
could  not  buy.    1
Phllomena,  "Martha
show tbem, but mdeed *���* w
..ii   Mm   we could   not   ��uj.    *
;!ul      (\    "���>   maybe. Arthur-only
Tl oil. r ^s so much ID tbo city.
t'       thero is tbo loveliest length
Kcnde,   nlmost   exactly   like  my
grandmother's second days silk -
As she spoke she had huddled the
other three in front of ber toward the
house, much as she would have marshaled fowls a trifle unruly.
At the piazza stops Philomena sat
down, but tbe men both fell to examining tbe peddler's wares. Graham,
indeed, almost instantly caught up the
length of brocade, crying as he threw
lt over Philomena's shoulder. "Here's
exaeiy what is wanted for your first
opera costume!"
In spite of herself Phil gave a little
delighted cry, the silvery satin ground
was so rich and lustrous, the apple
bloom strewn ovor it so perfect in line
and color. Sbe was sorry when the
peddler said ref-j��?ctfully:
"Tbat, sir, is an ordered bit, so not
for sale."
"Get another piece for your order;
I'm bound to have this one," said Graham good bumoredly.
Tbo peddler shook bis head. "There
ls not another piece like it," he said.
"This was specially woven for a happy
day gown."
"Wbo is to wear it?" Philomena asked softly, stifling a sigh. Somehow she
found herself tqembling, all her courage oozing away. Sbe wished as she
had never wished before that sbe had
somebody of her vory own to lean on.
Her mother bad died when she was
born. Hor father had gone away, disappeared, leaving her only a clouded
name for heritage. She bad never
known until the trouble came; then
Uncle John had spoken harsh truth.
It was that, as much as love for the
two dear old indies, whicb kept her
steadfast to the thought of going iuto
the world and winning its applause.
Sho had never been curious or envious, but somehow there swelled in
her a sense of passionate injury against
the unknown who was to wear this happy day gown, ordered no doubt by a
father's loving pride. She crushed the
rich fabric between hen- lingers and
fixed a  long look  upon  the poddlor'a
face.
"A girl is to wear It���tbat is, if she
chooses."  the peddler said,  moving a
step nearer,
Then sho saw that he was more travel worn and weary than aged. Dimly,
uncertainly, sbe saw, too, a likeness
that drew bor electrically to hor feet.
Through the opon ball door bor father's
portrait showed in the bloom and
strength of young manhood. She
glanced from it to the peddler and back
again, then stood white as death, facing him, too shaken to speak. His eyes
followed hers and grew  misty as he
cried:
"Sisters! Daughter! So I bave really
kept my place! Philomena, my baby,
the happy day gown was brought for
you."
V0e Claim $1 a* Wear 14
LOWERY'S   CLAIM.
wWob Edwards' Bream.
(High River Eye Opener).
'i dreamt a dreadful dream yes-
tre'en.
God keeps us all from sorrow."
In the course of a nightmare the
other night we dreamt that Satan had
taken us on to the top of Turtle Mountain and with a comprehensive wave
of his hand over Canada offered us the
whole shooting match if we would come
and run a paper in Hades.
"Oh. a small fraction will suit all my
wants. I think I'll take a few million of
that nice looking chunk over there."
"I can't give you that The C. P. R.
owns it."
"Well, what's the matter with that
splendid   area  of  land  on   this  side?"
"Mackenzie &  Mann owns  that"
"I see a great many millions of acres
away over there. Couldn't I assimilate
a little dab of that?"
"But that belongs to the Canadian
Pacific."
"Dear mo! How about letting me have
good land nearer home."
"My good sir, the Calgary and Edmonton have that faded."
"But surely that immense tract of
country over yonder will permit me to
have a look ln?"
"No. that's C. P. R. again."
"Well,   I   think   111   take   th��Yukon."
"Can't have It. Treadgold's got it."
is there none left?"
"Well, ha, ha, after all, I'm afraid I
can only offer you 160 acres of brush
tend.*'
"In that case you'll have to get an
Okotoks man to run your sheet"
When we woke np the sun was
streaming through the casement, the
birds twittering and all the rest of It.
Epe ��peners
She Is a very nice girl, but talkative.
She had been giving us a monologue
nbout Eaton's catalogue for about an
hour when we started to speak and
then pulled up.
"What were you about to remark?"
she asked.
"Oh, it'B of no conseciuonce."
"I know that, but what was it?"
"Well-er-do you mind, when we're
married. If I talk in my sleep?"
"Oh, dear no. I snore myself. Why
do you  ask?"
"Because It's probably the only time
Iii get the chance."
"Oh you "
"Now,   don't   roast   me,   dear."
"No,  1 always boll lobsters, darling."
"Where's my hat?"
"Right here."
"Cioodnlght"
"Goodnight"
The moral of this is that when a meek
man bumps up against a strenuous
woman he soon discovers that he Is
outclassed.
In Mncleod last Sunday prayers were
offered up for rain. Maclood must
stand ace high with the Almighty���pro
bably Grady has a pull���for not only
did rain come, but a snowstorm for
your whiskers swept over the country.
Various bonds of trade are now petitioning Maclood pastors to pray for
fine  weather.
While preparing to enforce its protect against Russia's grab in Manchuria, Great Britain bas taken advantage of a few moments leisure- to
take possession e��f 100,000 se|uaro miles
of Wen Africa.
We notice by the Planet tbat there
is a man In Chatham who has not
spoken a word to his wife ln sown
years. Perhaps he Is unwilling to interrupt
"What kind of land have you got
down at Frank?" we asked.
"Fine rolling land." was the prompt
reply.
float.
The three causes: "Congratulate me.
ol4 chap; I'm tbe happiest man on
earth today." "Engaged, married, or
divorced?"���Life.
Although I have been five weeks In
Vancouver. I still maintain that New-
Denver Is the Lucerne of America, and
tbat everybody should see It before they
die.
Some souls in Vancouver are afraid
to even whisper- a word against the c.
P. R. There are semis, however, even
though small ln number, that are- not
afraid to make a noise against this
bloated monopoly.
A religious Russian will not eat a
pigeon, and a religious Jew will not
touch' pork, nor a religious printer drink
beer, and so on to the end of the chapter.
It Is stated that a flsh diet will produce gray matter. Tf this Is true, why
has It been overlooked by the Vancouver press, especially when clams are
only two cents a pound?
The* plunder of a people by an organized mob ls no greater crime, thin
the plunder of a people by organized
monopoly, aided by legislators who are
traitors to their country.
In Vancouver a frog does not die
when he croaks, but the crow? e-aws
an Immense amount of profanity owing to the lack of a shot gun policy.
It might also be said that all the fleas
do not live on  Dupont  street.
A correspondent wants to know what
I did with the million dollars that T
made in New Denver. I blew lt in
buying meals on the C. P. R. dining
ears between tidewater find Revelstok"..
This sad fate should be a warning to
all who are tempted to go against a
grub foundry on wheels.
King Edward 'may visit America.
Personally I am not very fond of kings.
While attending college In the classical
town of Kaslo I met four of them all
at once, but when Crazy Horse Pearson showed down four aces my love
of royalty weakened, and I laid them
to rest before the frost had melted
from their crowns. Greek scholars will
savoy.
I bave a neition to <iuit running newspapers, and start building railroads.
If a dude like Dan Mann can rise from
driving mules to getting millions in
land grants from Canada I see no reason why a journalist is financier should
ned step in and get the balance of the
country. Building a railway In Canada
Is dead easy compared to publishing a
paper In a city where nearly all the
prints are backed by corporations and
people who wish to live off the public.
The people are not looking for Independent newspapers. As In days of old
you still bave to humbug the people
If you want their gold.
Zost mime and Springs
There Is a tradition in New Mexico
that many mines that were once freely
worked have been lost, and It Is understood that the losses of both mines and
springs was brought about by the Indians.    New  Mexico was once supposed
to have been more attractive than it is
now, The Pueblo Indians rose in revolt
on the tirst moon In August. 1*660. When
they had driven the Spaniards down
Into old Mexico, they Bet to work to
change the conditions so that there
would be little temptations to conquer
New  Mexico.
This Idea Inspired the tilling of the
mines which had been Opened and
worked during the former Spanish occupation. The Indians, with great care,
destroyed all traces of many mines, It
is said. This is not so surprising as
what they did to the springs. It is
tradition ancl the statement is commonly accepted as the historic truth, that in
their labors to re-nde-r the country as
uninviting as possible these Indians
suppressed numerous springs. Such re*-
suits weir accomplished in un Ingenious manner. The Indians dug down
and cleared away the dirt until they
found th��' crevices of tlie rocks through
which thc water came. They took the
fibrous bark of a species of fir tree und
tamped It into the crevices. As the material became water soak��'d it swelled
untl lit plugged. Nothing remained but
to throw back the- dirt and to give to
tin- surface thc general appearance of
the surrounding country. This was a
temporary expedient, it resulted, according to the present theory, In the
permanent destruction of many sources
of water.
To this day the appearance of a slight
moisture often stimulates a search for
one of the missing springs. Occasionally these searches arc successful. The
earth is removed, the crevices are
found, tlv- bark is picked out and the.
water, after more than two < enturles
of being turned back, resumes Its natural flow. -Topeka Capital. LOWERY'8   CLAIM.
15
DRIVEN OUT BY GHOSTS
Strangle Happenings In the Home of
a Newly Wedded Couple.
Tbo good peoplo of Kokomo. Ind..
have been much disturbed of late by a
ghost which is said to haunt Q certain
houso. Charles Abnoy and bis bride
recently moved into this house, but the
ghost broke up their housekeeping the
very lirst day.
Three ye��ars ago Herman Bchults. n
tbc floor. The ghastly affair was a
faithful reproduction of tbo dunce and
tragedy of three years ago in which
the young soldier lost his life
Consumption Cured at a Bargain.
There is a little woman whose bar.,
galu banting instincts are so highly eie-
Bchults, the victim, was n member I ^^P^ that sue couldn't pass a marked
of Company L, One Hundred and Tlf- ; doWH 8ale Without goin- in any more
ty-olghth Indiana regiment, .lacob than a clliltI co"hl pass a liumstn Santa
Harness, an uncle of Judge B, l\ Har- 'Glaus without stopping to watch his
ness of tbo Howard superior court, oc  |*OtiCB.    Every time she buys anything
cupled the bouse nt the time of the
murder. He senm moved out.' as did
all other later tenants.    All tie nelgh-
returned    Spanish-American    soldier,   bow certify to mysterious visitations
was murdered at a dance in this house! and frequent ghostly apparitions.   Ah-
by Arthur Woolforcl, who is now serving a prison term for the* crime.   Since
tbe tragedy the house bas had uiniier
oils tenants, none of whom remained
longer than a few days.
Abnoy nnd bis bride moved In one
day and the next moved out. In the
night soon after the couple bad retired
to bed the doors of the bouse opened
and thoro was tbe noise of entering
guests. Tbo room was tilled with Invisible people. Presently a squeaky
violin was board, accompanied by tIce-latter of foot and the swirl and swish
she doesn't want and brings it home to
bor stricken husband she declares that
It was "just like picking up $10."   Last
week she camo home with a bottle of
patent medicine.
"What is it?" asked bor husband re-
; slgnedly.   lie knows it is always better
! to ask "What is it'.'"
"Consumption euro!" she announced
triumphantly, holding up the bottle to
tbo light.   "Isn't it a pretty colorV"
t boy sat In a corner behind n blS bank |    ..But who-8 got consumption a,ouud
ney and hia bride
bouse but sin hours
remained  in  tlm
How  He  Won  Her.
He studied palmistry and was looking  for  a  chance to marry  money.
of potted plants.    One of her bands
lero?" asked the husband brutally.
was in bis. The little marks that time- The w}fe op���ned her eves.
is so fond of distributing had begun to | -*why, James," she remarked coldly.
be visible around the corners of her ��Tm surl)rised at vou! It was like
eyes. She wis still a pretty woium.. pickiug up hundred8 of dollars. It just
however, and. notwithstanding tlie fact ���: cost 19 ceuts.    A whole cage of con.
I that she had buried one husband aud
j divorced another, was Inclined to believe that there might be a good, lively
romance In ber still. He bent low ov< r
the slim, soft hnnd. He noticed tlie
splendid rings upon her fingers. II '
bad beard of the fortune that was at
he*r disposal. "I hate to tell you anything," be said, "tbat will be likely t i
make you fool uncomfortable, but
shall I toll you what 1 really Bee?"
"Yos," she said, drawing a quick
breath. "Toll me everything." "it
looks to mo." Im went on. "as If a
great sorrow wero in store for you. lt
will come along about tlie time you
are twenty-seven years old." Two
Weeks later the gossips were asking
one another how in tiie world she bad
become engaged upon such a short ao-
qualntance. "Why, he can't be over
thirty." they declared, "and she's at
least forty!"   Chicago Record.
Biimption cured for 19 cents! Aren't
you broad minded enough to see the
bargain'.'"
And. hugging the consumption sure
close to her heart as though it wero an
abused poodle, she fluffed out of the
room.���New York Press.
A  Lnekv   Incidental.
"It was iu a western court." said an
eastern judge, "and the defendant,
charged with tlie theft of sundry hams,
was clearly guilty. He had been seen
by a dozen witnesses committing the
theft, the hams were found In his pos-
i -session and la* didn't deny the charge
flis counsel already saw his client bo-
hind the bars and confined his remarks
to this simple statement:
" 'Gentlemen of the jury, in determining your verdict 1 want you to consider one tiling���this defendant is tl veteran of the Mexican war.    He it was
who first raised the American tlag over
Vera Cruz.   Tbe defense rests its case.'
"Tho district  attorney  pointed  out
that the accused was clearly guilty.
and the judge's charge was against the
prisoner,   but   to  the  surprise  of   tho
court the jury after five minutes of do-
liberation   returned  a   verdict   of ''not
guilty.*
" iio you mean to say that not guiltj
is your verdict ?' roared the judge
"'Yes. vour honor.' said the foreman,
In ,his way. the Lancet declares, i        |[ mny ^ weU ftdd tUat u.s |ucky
so   well   preserved   month     iftei | ^ ^ prigoner tn.,t he w.,s tlu. ara*
man to raise the American flag at Vera
Cruz.'"
THK VICTIM  FELL To TBI FLOOR,
���f xklrts around the room. Voices revealed a quarrel of two men ovor a
Kill, each claiming ber as a dancing
Partner. Then followed a pistol shot
*nd the noise of tho victim falling to
To  Keep Bgffs Fresh.
According to tlio London Lancet, tho
change in an egg from a fresh to :i
stale condition is partly due- to n loss
Of moisture and partly to a "disturbance of equilibrium caused by external
agencies." Thia can be- avoided nnd
tbe eggs kept fresh, that scientific journal alleges, by simply coating the shell
with grease as soon as it is laid and
before it lias time- to coed,    i   c
od
months   after
thev are laid that tbey cannot be distinguished from ones newly presented
by the hen. It is also declared that
eggs can be kept fresh for six mouths
i by dipping them as soon as they are
i taken from the nest in a strong solution
1 of silicate of soda, whieh stops up the
pores of the shell and hermetically seals
,1 ag,   [f an v^ onee gets cold, it Is
Of no use to treat itaftortlioserecii.es.
for it will then be past preserving
Far called, the swearers melt  away;
Into oblivion sinks the liar;
The judge's pomp of yesterday
Is one with Nlnevah and Tyre;
But Stratton's words are with us yet���
Can't you forget?   Can't you forget?
���Toronto World. 16
LOWERY'S CLAIM.
Gems of ttbougbt.
The primitive, uncultured man worshiped external objects In love and ln
fear, ascribing to them quasi-human
powers and feelings. There Is the germ
ot rellgion.--Fredertc Harrison.
Study, to a profound theologian, consists in puzzling his brain and filling
his pate with words to which neither
himself nor anyone else ��� ��� ��� can
attach any reasonable sense.���Voltaire.
Religion counteracts morality and
universal philanthropy in so far as it
sets men against each other by diversity of doctrines and theories of belief,
thus fostering and nourishing the worst
impulses of human nature.���Buchner.
The ideas of the divinity have been
created by the affections of the human
heart; they became necessarily divided
Into two classes, according to the sensations of pleasure or pain, love or
hatred: the powers of nature, the gods,
the genii, were'dlvlded Into beneficent
and malignant, good and evil; and
hence the universality of these two
characters In all the systems of religion.���Volney.
When men have come to regard a
certain class of their fellow creatures
as doomed by the Almighty to eternal
and excrutiating agonies, and when
their theology directs their minds with
Intense and realizing earnestn -ss to the
contemplation of such agonies, the result will be an indifference to the suffering of those whom they deem the
enemies of God.���Lecky's History of
Rationalism.
The belief in a God has hitherto been
the seed of all the bloody dissensions
among men. The various ways of worshiping an Imaginary being have caused more wars and ruin than all the
varieties of other interests. With the
disappearance of belief in God, disappears the foundation of all religious
hostility, and In its place arises the
foundation of human equality and universal peace.���Carl  Helnzen.
There is but one protection against
the tyranny of any class, and that Is to
give that class very little power. Whatever the pretensions of any body of
men may be, however smooth their
language, and however plausible their
claims, they are sure to abuse power
if much of It Is conferred on them. The
entire history of the world offers no Instance to the contrary.���-Buckle's History of Civilization.
Was Woo Sensible.
Because she prayed aloud and with
an open Bible In her hand before the
altar of St. Stephen's church, Norah
Clark was sent to Bellevue hospital,
where it was found that her Easter devotions had upset Miss Clark's mind.
The Catholic church has no use. for Individual prayers nor for'open Bibles.
The image of Martin Luther is ever before the Romish priests, and they can
scent danger in a crazy woman's mad
acts. If every Catholic prayed with hiB
eye on the open Bible that church
would soon have a fine coiection of
see-tarianians on Its hands, who would
want to dispute with the priest as to
tho meaning of the stories told by holy
writ. Catholics have their religion, including their prayers, cut and dried for
them, and if they go outside their nook
it is to pray that they may believe the
hook more and support the church better. The priest will do their Bible reading for them.
"I recall a remark that General Grant
made to me once at dinner," satd boastful Woodby Graft, "which was r.iost
characteristic of the man." "I think
I can guess what it was," said Pep-
prey. "What?" "Keep the change for
yourself, my man."���Philadelphia Press
"Try one of our new sofas," said the
irvin in the furniture shop; "they're
very healthy. Every one is stuffed
with a new breakfact food."���Yonkers
Statesman.
Mrs. Gramercy.���"Do you think It
was an intentional slight on the part
of Mrs. Newrich?" Mrs. Park.���"Why.
no, my dear. She hasen't been a lady
long enough to know how to be rude."
���Puck.
"How is your youngest daughter getting on with her music?" "Splendidly,
answered Mr. Cumrox; "her instructor
says that she plays Mozart In a way
that Mozart himself would never have
dreamed of."���Washington Star.
To its detriment: "One thing can be
said amout our opera houses," remarked the Observer of Events and Things;
"too much attention seems to have
been given to the acoustic properties of
the boxes.���Yonkers Statesman.
All day: "Her novel is not one of
the ephemeral successes." "Indeed?"
"Oh, yes. It was published before
nine o'clock In the morning, and was
not completely forgotten until quite a
bit after six o'clock In the evening."
-Life.
The owner.���"See here! You want to
handle that trunk more carefully!" The
porter���"I'll look out for it, sir. I know
a man who let one fall on his toes last
month, an' he ain't out of the hospital
yet."���Town and Country.
Salesman (recommending blue necktie with large pink spots)���"But
v.ouldn't you like one like that" Sar-
selllng a lot of them this year." Sarcastic customer���"Indeed! Very clever
of you, I'm sure."���Harvard Lampoon.
Gbe Old 3Blnff.
A Catholic priest Just back from
Rome has brought with htm an album
In which Is pasted a piece of the true
cross, a piece of the veil of the Virgin
Mary, a piece of her dress, a piece of
teh sponge which was tilled with vinegar SOnd presented to Jesus when he
was crucified, a piece of the coast of St.
Joseph, a plee-e of a bono of Zaehaii tb
a part of St Peter, and bits of bones
of famous saints, martyrs, and heroes
of the church. The priest Is going to
give the album to his archbishop, and
he will probably get a better paying
church. The authenticity of the relics
is of course well attested.
The Methodists have come out strong
against houses of Ill-fame In this pro-
Vtnce, and want the law rigidly enforced, especially against frequenters. It
is tbe same old cry. Always knocking
off the blossoms and leaving the roots.
Education along the proper lines will
kill tbe sexual and all other sins, but
tbe Methodists have not yet fourd the
proper system.
$ Smoke |j
S JBvitisb Zion and g
^ mainland Qigavsft
Pbpsic function.
.Jnat how to  pro-liu-0 a  IfstaphysiSa] fune-
tiniiiitiiiK of -in. I'-yhie Kn.eu.ltli** tnrough
the* five* tPSOial WtntfMS e��f Sent, Th��Ie.Tolic-h,
^itfht and henriiiK   Hv cont rol of t\w ittbiscN
.\e AOtlvttieM of tin* thought force* you produce a perfect state of dreaming wlo-n wi-le
awakes Thi^ awakens ilu- Psychic (unciinn
of Intuition whicli give* you .*��� olear and luold
conception of the underlying principle-**of ���!!
phenomena This gives ,t oo the mental poW"
cr**. of n Payohie Adept and true Metepbyei*
ciim. These "exeroises��H "methods' ao-l
" drill*" for the development of -* The lliulier
eieriilt Attainments" will he- a .1*1 for only n*-
ulver Pbos B K. Duttob.
Ltiaooln. Nebraska.
���*
Bring Your ....
JOB
PRINTING
to tbis office. It will not hurt
you, and will help tbe editor to
live in luxury.
*

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