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Lowery's Claim Feb 1, 1902

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 NUMBER NINE.
NEW DENVER, B. C, CANADA.
PRICE: TEN CENTS.
FEBfrUflSV, 1902
Lowery's Claim is published every
month at New Denver, B. C, Canada. It
ia devoted to Truth and Humor. It has
no press or trust list, but is sent free to all
persons over ioo years of age. It is a
Sham Crusher, and will fight all frauds
to a red finale. It costs $i a year in any
part of this world, but lack of mail facilities prevents it being mailed to Mars,
Hades and other out-of-the-way places.
All agents can make 25 cents upon each
subscription obtained. Advertising rates
are $2 an inch each insertion, and no cut
is made for time or position. If you desire this journal do not depend upon your
neighbor, but send in your white or green
dollar before the thought grows cold.
The same editor shoves the pen on this
journal and The New Denver Ledge, so
do not confound your orders when sending in your collateral.
R. T. Lowery.
New Denver, B. C.
The liberty-loving United Sta-tea
of Monopoly has laid aside a fund
with which to entertain Prince
Henry. This is another indication
that United States is a free country.
The earthquake which recently
wrecked a Mexican church and
killed the entire congregation will
not be recorded in the category of
miraculous visitations ou the
wicked.
Men are not punished for their
sins, but by them. This also applies to women. They who marry
for title, rank or wealth may get
it, but they sacrifice that which is
worth all the rest combined���happiness.
Catholics in Great Britain continue te agitate for a change in the
coronation oath, and Protestants
continue to protest that the coronation oath should be retained with
all of its anti-Catholic phrases.
Thus do discord and strife creep
in  where only concord and har
mony should prevail. Better dispense with the coronation oath
altogether, and so hasten tbe day
when the people will dispense with
priests and kings.
Sir Thomas Lipton is spending
millions trying to win the American
Cup and is starving the women employees of his London factories into
prostitution. Sir Thomas wears a
title. If the title is a jusi reward
for his deeds, then the public executioner should be crowned king.
Elbert Hubbard, he of the Roy-
croft shop, takes convicts and outcasts into his East Aurora home
and makes useful men and women
of them by permitting them to
follow their own inclinations. If
there were more men like Hubbard
there would be fewer jails and
brothels.
<��>
Miss Stone is still a prisoner in
the hands of the Bulgarian bandits. If she had devoted her attentions* to spreading the gospel of
Christ among the un regenerate of
Fifth Avenue, New York, she
would have been doing a much
more laudable work and might still
be free to tell the tale.
Church people and meddlers in
Manitoba and Ontario want to force
prohibition on all people as a matter of temperance. If the prohibitionists themselves were tolerant they would not try to force
any rule of conduct on others, but
instead would try to teach by example what true temperance really
is.
The pope of Rome has issued an
encyclical admonishing all his people to shun socialism.    The Roman
church itself was socialistic for the
first five hundred  years of   its existence, when  greed got the upper
hand and it became what we find
it today.
New York is the first state to
move for a better marriage law.
On January 1st a statute went into
effect in the Empire state providing for marriage by contract. An
agreement drawn up and attested
to by a notary is now a legal marriage. This does away with the
mockery and mummery of a religious rite, and places the sanctity of
marriage beyond the control of the
church, which has always regarded
women as little  better than chattle
slaves.
The African war has done Great
Britain one good service. It has
created a feeling of discontent.
The British people begin to look
angrily at their ruling class, whose
position is based on the accident of
birth. The ruling class must now
produce a man of merit from their
titled ranks or some day soon the
volcano will erupt and thrones
and dynasties will be swept away,
to be replaced by a democracy
where worth is all and birth is
nothing.
The United States government
has resolved to buy out the friars
in the Philippines and relieve the
people from the oppression of the
priesthood. As this will spoil the
church's graft it will doubtless
meet with large opposition, both in
Asia and America. Despotism
and oppression are the leading-
strings of the church of Rome and
the prelates perpetuate darkness,
ignorance and superstition to attain
the ends, while they brand as heretics all who oppose them.      '���
. UWery'B OLAiM.
[FB^RUAkV, W��
inform him of the important physiological facts in  reference to bis
body.
VJf riCTM^^1       w *���' *    ~      " .   I    How, in God's name, do you ex-
M.rfadden   iH Physical GUltare >fc ^       t your boy to avoid evils when
By Bernarr Wacfadden, iff kw p    y^ ^ ^      pp0rtun-
MyMends, there are instances (the ignorance of ^;J^L^ 	
where one encounters so-called
hishly educated men, and women
too, who are so woefully ignorant,
80 unswervingly stupid, and so un-
JLIV   TV   tmmm** ���     ��� _	
Chapter on Prudes1
1 ....^.��� <�� Phvsical Culture N&>&
the ignorance of self,   enforce*! o>   > * * - f()rms,
prudlhness.    One of onr subscnb- .ty tossr*m ^ ^ ^
Ul liuiciu1.....  .
ers, over seventy years of age, who
has secured the suppleness and
strength of youth by following the
I say to this father, and to every
father in this or any other endued
country, yon have a plain  duty to
movably fixed in  their  pet  preju- teaching ot this mig protect their young  from   weaken
muvo-uij' v.^*rva  anAnrln consiaeraDlO Oi nio   uiiii-o r i .��� ���A��� an   nw in
movably fixed in  the.r pet prej�� ���^^Tof his time in
diees,that there can hardly be ho^sp<mas missionary work
l-1^i��^*.^��t^!r5^ta-l.  *e  habit of
world.    Their brams are no   in   tor^y , Cniture ^ ^
gently    vast   ��*��-   o    �� ^
knowledge, if by knowledge one
means an accumulation of facts
collected    and    memorized    from
books.
They may be college graduates,
may - have   studied   abroad���how
"distinguished"  that sounds���but
their minds are incapable of broadening, incapable  of  reaching conclusions, or  of  deducting  facts of
their  own.    Like   an   electrotype,
they can only make an   impression
acquired from other sources.     They
belong to the ''parrot" family.
protect their young  from   weaken
ing influences.    Are you so low in
the scale of human   life  that  you
cannot perform   similar   duties for
your own flesh and blood ?
thought especially  needed  tne in-      This country is full of these dirty,
formation found each month in our foul-minded   prudes���these    foul.
even putrescent  specimens  of  human kind   wbo  stand   by and see
his    expense   to   boys   whom   he
thought especially needed  the in-
magazine.
Imagine bis amazement when he
received the following letter from
the father of one of these boys:
"Sir,���By this mail I return a
copy of Physical Culture received
today. Some few weeks ago I
wrote to you saying that I presumed these periodicals were for
me, as T did not nor do not   thinK
tbem proper for a boy of  fourteen
* ���    .i
long to the "parrot,    tamiiy. v..���. v~v- ,
Snch   persons  are  not  open   to To my amazement, tins todaj  was
reason, because they have not been again addressed_*> my  boy.    If
' ' ....... !,..���:������ .~>Un not. write sufficiently elea
I ! Irl.l I       i\mi.i
their sons, their daughters, defiling
and destroying the noblest part of
their minds, tbeir souls, and their
bodies without one word of warning. These criminals, these moral
degenerates wbo are murdering
their own sons and daughters by
tbeir own lack of duty, ought to
occupy cells in our penitentiaries.
What right have they to make
shapeless,   weak   and    emaciated
������., t��. *,r-�� - T::-���-�� <z,,.; pes ..;;���  *-.. ��
taught to reasou.   uuw   ^.���
only capable of memorizing.    They should all   the  same   know   bettei
have no opinions of their own,they  than send this dangerous print,and
are   simply   mouthpieces   for  the  it must be you   who  docs  send   it
opinions   of   so-called   authorities  from what we know of you during
which they accept and represent as yourrecent voyage,
their own. "Pray understand���tbat if 1   re-
They   are   hopeless   cases.    An ceive another of this character, you
��� ���      <.o nf  wi"i| rap-ret it. as I  shall   know the
ignorant person has some chance of
learning, but an educated fool is
beyond all reclamation. He already knows "it all."
There are instances when prejudice of this character becomes so
depraved, so destructive in its influence, that it makes one's blood
"boil" with indignation. J have
not spared prudes in previous issues
of this magazine. I maintain that
they are murdering human beings
by the thousands, and that with
hardly a single exception each boy
and each girl sacrifices a certain
percentage of his or her vital and
general physical   vigor because  of
just as easily be magnificent   specimens of health and strength.
Vou fathers, you mothers���all
who havc the guardianship of growing boys and girls,if you allow your
prudish ness to so influence you that
you veil the human body in defiling, disgusting and degenerating
secrecy���if you force your growing
children to search among vulgar
associates for knowledge that it is
your plain duty to impart, you deserve a prominent place in the
want to lowest corner of Hades, and if I
swer it. could go down there and  help stir
I want to say to this father, this j up the fire, the duty would be per-
ii-i' �� i formal with crrim nleasure.
will regret it, as I shall know the
course to take. Such conduct on
the part of an adult to a boy is
most pernicious and unpardonable.
Yours truly, J. W. G.,;
I   hope  our  subscriber  has not
answered this letter, for I
answer it.
prude who has dared to bring a
child into the world that he may
curse it with his stupid or even
criminal prejudice, there may come
��� ��� I' 0 .	
formed with grim pleasure.
Read what Prof. 0. S. Fowler,
who made a life study of these subjects,   has to  say of the evils that
���     ��� i     ��� ii
111*1' \      VA/lliv    I  JWVWI
a time in the future life of your son defile our boys and girls, and if
when he will heap curses upon his after reading this you do not per-
own father, for failing in his plain form your parental duty, you arc
duty as a father by  neglecting  to a coward as low  aud  depraved  as "luiu in ii iii nn iiuw<iwBiinilM|ii i im
tfUMIOABY, 1908)
LOWERY'S CLAIM.
Hi
,\
that degenerate who without warning and in^the guise of friendship
committed tbe crime that ended
the life of our President:
"If you were walking thoughtlessly along a pathway, across
which was a deep, miry miasmatic
slough, so covered that you would
not notice it till you had fallen in
and defiled yourself all over with
the filthiest, most nauseating slime
possible, so that you could never
cleanse yourself from this stench,
and so that all who ever saw you
would know what you had done;
besides its being so poisonous as to
destroy forever a large part of your
future life enjoyment and capacities, and far more corrupting to
your morals than blighting to health
and happiness: would you not
heartily thank any friend to kindly
tell you plainly of your danger?
Such a danger, 0 splendid boy. 0
charming girl, awaits you; only
that it is a thousand-fold worse
than any description. It not only
poisons your body, destroys your
rosy cheeks, breaks down vour
nerves, impairs your indigestion,
but paralyzes your  whole system.
���'It is man's sin of sins and vice
of vices, and has caused incomparably more sexual dilapidation,paralysis and disease, as well as demoralization, than all the other
sexual depravities combined. Neither Christendom nor Heathendom
suffers any evil at all to compare
with this; because of its universality, and its terribly fatal ravages
on body and mind; and because it
attacks the young idols of our
hearts and hopes of our future
years. Pile all other evils together
���drunkenness upon all cheateries.
swindlings, robberies and murders;
and tobacco upon both, for it is the
greater scourge; and all sickness,
diseases and pestilence upon all;
and war as the cap sheaf of them
all --and all combined cause not a
tithe as much human deterioration
and misery as does this secret sin.v
Man is made miserable by man.
Matrimony.
Matrimony has become prevalent
in Kootenay during the past year
or two,and there is scarcely a hamlet but can boast of several   people
wfro have  made  contracts of this
kind.    If the number of marriages
continue to  increase  at  the  same
ratio in the future as they have re-,
cently   we  look   for   an  enormous
advance in the price  of  baby carriages.      Matrimony   in   its   first
stages is always  full  of  bliss and
nicer to take than Scotch and soda.
It is then that the world is  bright
and no cloud of sorrow floats around
the honeymoon.    The middle and
last stages of matrimony are not so
blissful, especially to  the   woman.
She gradually finds  out  with   few
exceptions, that she is a mild kind
of a slave, bound by   law to  love,
honor and light the lire for the man
she once thought was a  little god.
We have never   committed   matrimony.     Not because we are averse
to the touch of a feminine hand, or
the delicious caress that comes from
a woman who loves you.but simply
owing  to  the   fact  that  we  have
never had time or  opportunity  to
size up the situation   according  to
our ideas.     Marriage  would   upset
the equilibrium of our placid career.
It would   revolutionize  our   entire
life.    We would have to  buy lace
curtains, enlarge our bed. and sleep
in a room decorated with  dresses,
corsets,petticoats and other lingerie
of the gentler sex.    Then we would
have  to get  in   early every night
without   carrying  a  jag  of  green
onions and milk shakes.     It would
never do to stumble into our  boudoir at 3 a. in.,   and   have  our divine partner say   in   a  low,   sweet;
and   reproachful   voice:    "Colonel, |
you are slightly  jagged !"     Such a
remark would cause trouble, and, j
consequently for a while longer we|
will continue to cat onions at night
and sleep   wbere   no  soprano   can
break the even tenor of our  ways.
Man alone is  and   shall   be   our
god.
���Feuerbach.
Wise and fiot So Wise.
Man is as positive as a woman is
contrary.
Give a man an inch and he wants
a tumbler full.
Life is full of trials���and the
lawyers are glad of it.
The girl who poses for artists always leads a model life.
Some men are like dice���easily
rattled, but hard to shake.
Some people manage to talk a
great deal and say very little.
It's funny that a horse can go a
mile by only moving four feet.
A man may smile, and smile,
and still be a temperance advocate.
The brightest people are not always the ones who cast reflections.
Common sense in an uncommon
degree is wrhat the world calls wisdom.
Never judge the cigars a man
smokes by those he gives his
friends.
The same opportunities make a
hero of one man, and an ass of
another.
If money talks a dollar ought to
say many wise things. It. has
cents enough.
Base-ball pitchers, letter-carriers
and preachers arc all judged by
their delivery.
The race troubles will continue
in the country as long as men bet
on the wrong horse.
There is a little story about
Prince Edward of Wales told in
the British Weekly, which declares
it to be perfectly true, lie said
the other day, to a lady who was
visiting the royal children in their
nursery. "Do you think that
great-grand-mamma is quite happy
in heaven?" "Yes, dear," replied
the lady; "don't you think so?'"
"Well, I am not quite sure," answered the little prince. "You
see, she will have to walk behind
the angels there, and here she always walked in front." IS*
LOWERY'S CLAIM.
[F8fcfcUAft1r, i��rt
Crafty  Priesthood
Hew They Work the Holy Ghosts \fc ^ ^ ^ ^
In one of a series of letters to
Dr. Carr, "Arch-bishop of Melbourne/' Joseph Symes, of the
Melbourne Liberator, says:
Sir,���Of course,   it  will  not  in
the least surprise any one acquainted with your history and "morals''
if you should deny all that Platina
and your other writers say  against
the Popes.    No;  there  is nothing
you hesitate to deny or to affirm, if
it suits your  purpose.    Kor shuffling and lying the Roman sect can,
as the Americans might say,   "lick
creation."     Lying   has   been   developed   into  a  fine  art  in   your
church, and brought to a degree of
perfection that even  lawyers and
journalists of the orthodox types
totally despair of equalling.    And,
really,    the   temptation   is   great.
On wholesale and   incessant   lying
yon    flourish;   on   truth    you  will
starve.
But let us on.
11���Liberius, Platina insinuates,
was heretical in most things,except
that of rebaptising heretics when
they returned to the church. He
was not what Pius IX. describes
his predecessors to have been.
Liberius was deposed, and Felix
set up in hie room, although Euse-
bius and Jerome say that the latter
was made pope by the heretics���so
Blatina notes. Platina winds up
his account thus: ''Felix was in
the chair only one year, four
months and two days, through the
means of a sedition raised by Liberius (whom 1 have inserted into
the number of bishops, more upon
the authority of Damasus than
from any deserts of his own.)"
ways of doing business in early
times, and here is an example.
"Damasus being chosen to the
pontificate," says Platina, "was
soon rivalled in tbat dignity by
Ursicinus a deacon, whose party
having assembled themselves in a
church, thither also Damasus'
friends resorted, when the competition being managed, not only by
vote, but by force and arms,several
persons on both sides were slain in
the very church, hut not long after
the matter was compromised by the
consent both of tbe clergy and the
people, Damasus was confirmed in
the bishopric of Rome, and Ursicinus was made bishop of Naples."
This needs no comment. It
must be a pleasing incident for you
to reflect upon.
12���"In the reign of the Emperor Hon or i us." says Platina. "a
great dissention arose among the
clergy; for though Boniface was
chosen bishop in one church of the
city, by one party, yet Eulalius
was elected and set up against him
by a contrary faction in another."
Honorius, at the request of his
sister, banished both, and for seven
months the Holy Ghost could not
decide which should l��e pope. At
the end of that time the emperor
(not the H.G.) decided, wc know
not why,   that   Boniface I.   should
Protestants import direct from
Scotland. England, Heaven, etc.
Pity you cannot stop their smuggling trade in spirit, eh !
13��� Platina says that Genseric,
in the reign of Theodosius II.,"not
only miserably depopulated and
harassed that province (Africa)
with fire and sword, but also corrupted the Catholic faith with the
mixture of Arianism."
Thus the incorruptible faith became corrupted. Celestine I. was
then pope. He could not have
been very "vigilant," or he would
have prevented those dire calamities; for, being pope, he had all
the artillery of heaven wherewith
to attack and annihilate the foes of
the church. God's wrath, Christ's
vengeance, the Holy Ghost's mysterious power; all the saints,armies
of martyrs, prayers, holy water,
relics, bulls, excommunications.
But with all this awful power to
wield, the lazy, cowardly pope allowed the barbarians, whose power
was merely earthly, or devilish, to
conquer much of the empire1 and
corrupt the faith ! Fie upon you,
Celestine!
There is Leo now al Rome not
one whit better, in fact, much
���worse, for he has far more saints
and tons more of relics to aid him.
Yet he allows the King of Italy to
rule the 'States of the church,"
and did not even exert his almighty power to prevent the statue
of the murdered Giordano Bruno
being erected right under the  win-
be pope.     The ways of   providence (lows of tbc Vatican!
are mysterious, but those of popes       What a   set   of   humbugs   you
are often transparent enough.   Had really   are!    You   sell  your   holy
the party  of   Eulalius  been   more trumpery to your dupes and  drive
powerful or more cunning, the em- a   roaring  trade  in   thc laughable
peror would have made him   pope; stuff,    which   protects   fools,    but
and the  Holy  Ghost   would   have'never   protects  the  traders   them-
had no choice but to tram mit him- selves.     You quacks!
That is another specimen of  thei self and   his  graces  through   that       14 -Platina plentifully sprinkles
confusion which prevails in your
church history, which is certainly
not remarkable for infallibility���
not more so, in fact, than your
popes themselves.
pipe or none to the church. Poor his hook with miracles, but still he
Ghost! he is at the mercy of those; commits himself to very few of
in power; at present the Jesuits; them, lie writes. "It is said,"
control the poor creature (as far as   "It   is   reported,"    "Some   say,"
9>
Rome & Co. are concerned).    Drs. ; etc, which shows   wonderful   cau-
The Holy Ghost had remarkable Rentoul,   Goe,    Bevan   and other i tion for a   Popish  historian.    For T
FBBaUABT, 1908.]
LOWERY'B CLAIM.
188
example, he mentions two or three
miracles in the life of Anastasius
II., another heretic pope of yours.
"It is reported." says he, "that
one Olympius, an Arian bishop,
having publicly, in the baths at
Carthage, declared his detestation
of the doctrine of the trinity, was
immediately smitten, and his body
burnt with three flashes of lightning."
Of course, we know that all de-
niers of the blessed puzzle called
the trinity have always been destroyed like that; and it serves them
right.
Another miracle Platina records
in the same paragraph. An Arian
bishop was in the act of baptising
a person, using this blasphemous
formula, "Barbas baptizeth thee in
the name of the Father,by the Son,
and in the Holy Ghost." Well,
what happened? The water suddenly, miraculously disappeared !
Erupit, evasit! Of course,the man
was converted at once to belief in
the blessed puzzle; but the bishop
does not seem to have been moved
at all by the miracle. He may
have examined the bottom of the
font and found out how the water
disappeared.
Alas 1 Pope Anastasius fell into
heresy; and no doubt you'll find
him in blazes when you get there.
Platina reports, "It was this bishop
Anastasius, as some writers tell us,
who excommunicated the emperor
Anastasius for favoring Acacius;
though afterwards being himself
seduced by the same heretic, ancl
endeavoring privately to recall him
from exile, he thereby very much
alienated the minds of his clergy,
who for that reason . . ��� withdrew themselves from him. However, divine vengeance soon fell
upon this wicked pope, and be died
as Arius himself died, or as Judas
���his "bowels gushed out."
Acacius wiekexllv held that the
son was uot of the same substance
as the Father, whereas all rational
people know them to be both wind
or   gas,     Anastasius   while   pope
was so infallible as to be seduced
by Acacius into downright heresy.
15���Symmachus and Laurence
were popes in turn. Platina says:
"Symmachus succeeded Anastasius
though not without great controversy, and after a long bandying of
two contrary factions."
I may now remark that in those
early times the Holy Ghost had not
hit upon any quiet and rational
plan of electing popes; be never
thought of inventing "cardinals"
till the 9th century; and never instructed them to elect popes until
late in the 12th century In fact,
the Holy Ghost, when he or she
started house-keciping and set up
the one true church had everything
to learn, and was extremely slow
to learn it too, as the history of
your sect abundantly shows. Why,
he never even thought of inventing
a Jesuit until the days of Luther
and Henry VIII.
This dilatoriness on the part of
the Holy Ghost has been a terrible
curse to your church and to Europe.
Instead of guiding you into all
truth, as was promised, you have
bad to take the  lead  all  through.
He was no more fit to run a
church than Barton is for the post
he occupies. In fact, if the Holy
Ghost had undertaken to navigate
a ship from Jerusalem to Melbourne, he could not have been
more fully out of place than at the
head of the church. In doctrine
and practice he had everything to
learn. When he started he did
not even know his own exact place
in the Trinity, nor whether he had
''proceeded" from the Father only,
or from Father and Son both; in
fact, I do not believe he has ever
mastered that problem yet,although
you have tried for over a thousand
years to teach thein. Any other
pigeon would learn faster than
yours does.
Well, as the Holy Ghost had not
arranged a proper mode of electing
popes, Symmachus and Laurence
contested for tbe holy chair, and
their factions supported them.    A
board of arbitration decided in
favor of Symmachus, and he made
Laurence bishop of Nocera ��� to
keep him quiet probably.
Four   years    later    Laurence's
friends   attempted   again   to oust
Symmachus and seat  Laurence in
the infallible chair.    Theodoric,the
Arian king of ItsAy,   who  lived at
Ravenna, as Platina  says,  "sends
Peter, bishop of AAtino,   to  Rome,
to depose them  both,   and possess
himself  of the chair.    But 8ym-
machus   ....     obtained the
banishment of Laurence and Peter.
Hereupon so great a sedition arose
in the city that multitudes, both of
the clergy and laity, were slain  in
all parts, not so much as the monastic virgins escaping."
So badly did the Holy Ghost
manage his household that the
consul had to interfere to prevent
further bloodshed. I don't see
who else you can blame in this
case. The pope, whichever it was,
cannot be blamed, for he was infallible.     But  the   Holy  Ghost i��
uot infallible, and he must bear the
blame.
Perhaps I have said enough for
the present week. I am sure you
will not reply. To deceive your
dupes you affect a masterly silence,
and, no doubt, give them to understand that you could if you would
wipe me out with one stroke of a
pen, just as easily as you coulo if
you would bring Mount Macedon
or Mount Cook (N. Z.) to Melbourne. And the fools will believe you. But you are not fool
enough to attempt to reply to  me.
Dr. Rose, a prominent Christian
Endeavor leader, stated at a C. E.
rally held in Toronto last week
that it was questionable if the
movement had not outlived its usefulness. He favored church clubs
for young people. If these movements would demand more individual labor of church workers and
less catering to the amusement of
their members, they would never
outlive their usefulness.
BBBM 134
LOWERY'S CLAIM.
[February, 1902
The GemiRg MaR
By Robert McGlellan, in The Iconoclast \&\&\&s&
The Coming Man���the Man of
the Millenium���will not be a Republican, for of such is not the
Kingdom of Heaven.     He will not
be a Democrat, for such go about
seeking whom they may devour.
He will belong to no Party, Sect,
Creed, Syndicate nor Trust. He
will be against Government, for no
Government was ever created that
was for and with the Right. Government must always be considered
as a temporary expedient for the
benefit of those who have more
than Moral Law permits them to
have. When Moral Law is placed
higher than statutory provisions,
Government will pass into the
Night.
The Coming Man will place
Moral Law as high as the Stars.
Right to him will mean Industrial
and Intellectual Freedom, Individual Responsibility, Justice through
right thinking and acting and not
through the narrow and unclean
channels of courts. Courts have
become sewers, but unfortunately
there are no scavengers. If there
were scavengers there are many
judicial incumbents who could not
sit upon the bench today.
James J. Hill, president of the
Great Northern railway, a corporation which he abstracted from the
pockets of Dutch bondholders some
thirty years ago, may be taken as
a fine example of the Not-Coming
Man. He is of Today and Yesterday. What is he, students of what
is to be, investigate through love of
contrast. In New York he is
quoted as having said within the
last six weeks:
"If my consolidation plan goes
through I will save the railroads
interested the labor of 60,000 men.''
That is, the consolidation which
has "gone through" means the
eventual retirement from the Hill
railroads of  60,000   workingmen.
The brutality, inhumanity, cruelty
of such an assertion,  the  savagery
in   nature  of  an   individual   who
could   plan   to   retire   60,000   men
from work, surpasses  any  torture
devised   by    ancient    Inquisition.
Yet Hill was once himself a steamboat landing roustabout.     Men are
living   who   remember   him   as a
"dock  walloper"   on the wharves
of   St.    Paul.    His   face   was begrimed,   his    clothing    poor,    his
pockets empty, his hands bruised.
With his neck bowed  under the
yoke   of  menial  labor,   he should
have learned  then  the  lessons of
Humility, Charity,Generosity,Tender   Mercy,   Humanity.    Instead,
the Iron of Lust for Power entered
into Him, or rather was developed
in him.    He trampled on   men as
he rose in life.    Every advance forward in his career has been marked
by some other Man's wreck.    Dead
Men's shoes stare him in   the  face
even now.
Inordinately vain, cold-blooded,
merciless. Hill is the antithesis of
all the Coming Man will not be.
He struts his Little Time through
Life a financial Juggernaut. He
has not elevated Men, but Things.
He has not raised to true nobility a
Man, but he has placed high a Machine. He has given no thought
to the Human Soul���all energy has
been centered upon Monetary* Jains.
There is a consolation in thinking
that fifty years after his Death he
will be only remembered through
the medium of biographies in misty
libraries.
For He that builds on Sand must
Pass with the First Wave. And
He that builds on Rock shall be
Forever with the Stars. The Coming Man is on earth Today. That
He is not in the majority, that he
does not prevail, is no indication
that he has not Arrived. Few in
numbers, strong in Faith,  clear in
Purpose, he is treading the winepress of life this moment. He presents the Right Hand of Fellowship to his Fellow-Men, accepting
them as Men, until the contrary be
proven. He is not dismayed by
Disaster, Treachery, Deceit, A Lie.
He is the White Knight of the
Truth, who halts at every Spring
of Water, to lift a cup of drink to
those who cannot stop.
This Coming Man, yet here already, is a Gentle-Man and a Truth
Seeker. Unlike his antithesis,Hill,
he prefers Human Development to
Mechanical Growth. The purple
and wine of Wealth are not for him
nor the sceptre of False Power. He
may not provoke Strikers, Financial
Panics.despoil States of the Rights,
defy Legislatures, Bribe Law Givers
or shatter the Homes of the Lowly.
His burden is a Cross around whose
bar is twined the Evergreen. He
looks not to the Earth plane, but
to the Morning Star.
When What Is today shall have
passed into Oblivion; when coming
races wander where now He is,
when the faces of the Earth shall
have been remolded.and all Things
be New Again, He still will be remembered. Those build the strongest that  Love the  Most.
Thoughts of Thinkers.
A pale cobbler is  better  than a
sick king.     BiekerstafY.
Honest error is to be pitied,   not
ridiculed.���Chesterfield.   ,
An ounce of mother  is  worth a
pound of clergy. - Spanish proverb.
Correction   does   much,   but  encouragement does   more.���Goethe.
Trust  in   human nature.    That
never deceives.  -Madame Roland.
There   are   many   marvels, but
there   is  no  greater   marvel   than
man. ���Sophocles.
A cruel story runs on wheels,
and every hand oils the wheels as
they run.���George Eliot.
The causes of our mental structure are doubtless natural,and connected, like all our other peculiar- February, 1902.]
LOWERY'S CLAIM.
13ft
u
ities,   with  those  of  our  nervous
structure.���William James.
Private opinion is weak, but
public opinion is almost omnipotent.���H. W. Beecher.
The way to gain a good reputation is to endeavor to be what you
desire to appear.���Socrates.
Make thy recreation servant to
thy business, lest thou become a
slave to  thy   recreation.���Quarles.
A religion that makes man cruel,
persecuting and intolerant is a bad
religion for society.���Dr. Thomas
Cooper.
The calamities with which the
world is afflicted are the result of
the ignorance of man, and not of
the interference of God.���Buckle.
It is easier for a hypocrite to find
his way to a church or a prayer-
meeting than to the home of the
poor and unfortunate.���Investigator.
Character, though it may be conceived as latent, can be presented
only energetically as it finds outward expression.���G. E. Wood-
berry ���
Of all religions that have' been j natUre has bestowed on each indi-
produced by the egotism,the malice, j yidual of the human race.��� D'Hol-
the ignorance and ambition of man, j \m,^
Presbyterianism is the  most   hide-      ^ propagandists of the submis-
ous.��� Ingersoll. g.Qn ^ injugti(.e dogma became the
The time has come when scien- j faithful .llly (>f every form of destine  truth   must  cease  to  bc the
sionaries to China and leave the
people of her own Italy's Garden
of Eden in guilt and misery, left to
die like the green lizards in the
blind clefts of their rocks.���John
R us kin.
He that can work is born king
of something; is in communion with
Nature, is master of a thing or
things, is a priest or a king of Nature so far. He that can work at
nothing is but a usurping king, be
his trappings what they may; he is
the born slave of all things.���Carlyle.
But if the mysteries of religion
are incomprehensible to those who
teach them; if among those who
profess it none can be found who
knows precisely either what he believers or can give any account of
the motives of his belief and conduct, this is not the case with respect to the difficulties which we
oppose to this religion. These are
within the reach of all, and are so
simple as to be capable of convincing every man   who   renounces  the
prejudices of childhood, and deigns
to consult that common sense which
property of the few���when it must
be worked into the common life of
the world.���Agassi/.
potism. The pagan pride in the
majesty of self-reliant manhood
was superseded by the worship of
abject self-abasement and   self-dis
In exact proportion as nations trust. If human nature was es-
advance in civilization,the accounts ! sentially evil, men were unfit for
of  miracles   taking   place   among self-government;   and   their   own
them become rarer and rarer, until
at last they entirely cease.    Lecky.
welfare required the suppression of
every revolt against the  authority
\s   the   bird's   restlessness  de- 0f the spiritual  powers.    Without
dares him native to the fields and
sky. so man's impatience with the
limitations of his knowledge declares him native to an infinite inheritance of expansive reason. -J.
W.  Chadwick.
To me the entirely wonderfullest
thing iu Catholic history is that
Rome should go  on   sending  mis-
the recognition of human rights,
without the principles of personal
dignity and natural justice, social
order became a legalized system of
oppression,
manliness   became   a
their   sickening  flunkeyism, their
heartless subservience to the caprices of brutal despots.    As Her
bert Spencer demonstrated in his
masterly resume of the  dangers in
the path of a progressive republic,
a defiant resistance to  every   form
of injustice and  official  despotism
is the price of liberty, and that resistance is  incompatible  with  the
spirit of a   system   that  inculcates
the duty  of   self-abasement  as  an
article of faith.���Professor Oswald,
in the "Secret of the East."
Often the Case.
In a hospital  not  far  from   St.
Louis the  bell  rang   for   Sunday
prayer-meeting in the chapel.   But
one of the nurses attended the divine services.    The matron entered
sawr the empty chairs of her staff,
and pettishly remarked:    "I hope
the nurses who are brought here in
the future will be Christians."   She
took part in the  service  with   the
outward appearance of great faith.
In a ward of that   hospital   an   old
man was  dying.    He  had  fought
his fight (good or bad,   it  matters
not),   and   was dying,   poor  and
alone, save for the sweet presence
of a nurse who had not  answered
the summons to chapel.    The nurse
recognized   the   symptoms   of  approaching   death,   saw   the pallid
lips form the name of the old man's
wife,   and   hurried   away   to the
matron-    "Mrs.  ,   you had
better send for  Mr.  's wife.
The old gentleman is dying."
"Send for his wife!" exclaimed the
matron. "She'd better come and
pay bis bills." The nurse turned
away with a dull pain in her heart,
and returned to her charge's deathbed. The St. Louis Chronicle,
which tells this story, asks, Which
was the Christian? That is easily
answered: the matron. The irreligious nurse was simply a human
being, with human sympathies.
stigma, the love of freedom was denounced as a sign of an unregener-
ate heart. Hence the national degradation of so many Arian nations,
Liberty cannot be preserved
without a general knowledge among
the people.���Daniel Webster.
ii
I 186
LOWEBY'B CLAIM.
[FBBmtJABT, !��������
Talk About the Soul
Does it not seem strange that
while almost all religions presume
to furnish a future for the soul, no
theology���at least   none  of  which
we are aware���pretends  to supply
a genesis for the  soul other than
that it is born with the body.    In
all the religions of  which we have
been able to learn the   soul is regarded as   a personal,  individual
unit, having the commencement of
its existence in this world of which
we are   conscious;   but   in   exact
antithesis to this it is supplied with
an interminable future in a world
to come, the character or existence
of which we can only surmise.
Why, then, if theology furnishes
a future should it not supply a
past ? Why should the soul not as
reasonably be supposed to come
from a jaspar-w&lled heaven as it
should be presumed to go to it ?
Pope Gregory said that the soul
was like a sparrow which flits
through a barn, entering at one
vent and departing at another, giving no indication of where it came
from or whither it is going. But
Gregory conjured witb a promise
of the future, leaving the past to
take care of itself.
Does not this supply the answer?
All religionists must have a featish
with wbich to conjure. The past
furnishes none. They can promise
nothing there, for it is dead. They
know nothing of the future, but
they sieze upon this very uncertainty to promote their ends. They
promise a beautiful, free and bliss-
ul life in a land of unending glory
or all who accept their theology.
They threaten an infinity of torment for those who refuse it.
Is their title valid ? We think
not. If theologians know anything
about the futue they should know
something about the past. They
should be able to tell where this
long procession  originated, where
these thousands and hundreds of
thousands of millions of human
atoms who have crowded each other
through the million years or so in
which this planet has been inhabited, came from. They should be
able to tell us what the soul is and
describe the source from which the
dynamic force of life is drawn.
They should be able to tell us if
that source is an individual spiritual consciousness, and, if so, is its
past existence an immeasurable infinity of time; as they promise
that its future shall be ?
Why do not these men who are
on such intimate terms with God
that they presume to ask him for a
rain storm or a victory in war, ask
him for exact knowledge of the
past and of the future ? If God
will send anything so material as a
rainstorm, whv should not a far
less imperative invocation bring
down a Carnegie library with a
disclosure of all these mysteries on
its shelves ?
Failing this exact knowledge,
the world is forced to conclude that
the theologians, priests and preachers know no more of the mysteries
of life and death than the layman.
That they are, in fact, modern
medicine men and pharisees who
work on ignorance and superstition,
deepening that ignorance and intensifying that superstition in order
that they make themselves more
secure, may make their hold
stronger, fastening themselves on
the body politic like barnacles to a
ship, growing heavier and heavier,
impeding progress more and more,
until finally they fall away of their
own weight or are scraped off at
the end of the voyage by the hand
which guides the helm.
The Presbyterian board which
met in Washington recently to revise the  cruelest  and   hatefulest
creed that has survived to these
modern times, gave out a statement to the effect that the "infant
damnation" clauses of Presby-
terianism were misunderstood.
The board says all unbaptized infants are not, by virtue of their
unbaptism, necessairly consigned
to the flames of hell, but that all
infants who are baptised have a
sure thing on getting into the
Presbyterian heaven. A codicile
to this effect will be attached to the
confession of faith; but we fail to
see how the case is improved
much. A creed so cruel as to admit that any helpless infant shall
go to hell is far too brutal for any
one retaining a spark of humanity
in his breast.
His Philosophy.
"There is one consolation, gentlemen," said the able editor of the
Hogwash (Ark.) Weekly Stingaree
as he was ridden out of town on
the top side of a saw-edged rail,
upborne and escorted by a delegation of unappreciative subscribers,
"you may maltreat us, you may
destroy our Lares and Penates,
you may make our good name a
hissing and a by-word, but thank
heaven you are not able to take
from us the greatest of all the in-
alienable rights of journalism���you
can't make us pay for transportation !"
Aesop Up To Date.
Once upon a time a Spring Lamb
strayed far from the Shepherd's
precinct, and, becoming weary, he
stopped at a babbling brook to refresh his Interior Department.
Now it happened to happen that
an old Gray Wolf was treating
himself to a drink just be^ow at
the same B. B., aud observing the
Lamb in the water, called out
Angrily:
"Say you ! Remove your Pedal
Extremities from that Aqua Pura.
Can't you see you are Riling the
Mud and thus making the Liquid
unpalatable ?'' T
fSBBUABY, 1902]
LOWERY'S CLAIM.
187
"Go to, you old Growler 1" retorted the Lamb. "If the Riled
water Riles you, suppose you go
and chase yourself.    See ?''
"You will see what I see," replied the Wolf, who was fond of
Lamb with Sauce, whereupon he
started in to make Mincemeat of
the Innocent, but scarcely had he
begun the Job, when Lo and Behold, his Teeth broke short off and
he was compelled to Sneak away in
Disgust, and the Lamb trotted back
to him Mother, where, after shedding a few Prodigal tears, he lived
happily Ever After.
Moral���Before tackling Spring
Lamb, arm yourself with an Ax
and saw.
Laugh in Your Work   ,
Endowment Carnegie's advice to
those who would succeed in life is
summed up in these words, "laugh
in your work." Now Carnegie is
no fool. His advice is worth some
thing. But let it be strictly understood what he means by this advice. Work is the step-ladder to
success; this he would have us understand first thing. The next
thing essential to success is a bright,
happy, laughing countenance���not
a grining face that pretends to hide
a treacherous heart and a knife-
blade soul. But one that meets
you in hopefulnes, in sympathy, in
love; one that understands and
would be understood; wherein there
is no guile, nor weakness, nor strife.
"Laugh in your work." How
simple! Yet how few of us do it.
How many there are who attempt
it, and fail. How many others
there are who do not even try.
Too many mistake frivolity for
laughter; and, taking frivolity into
their business or work, fail to succeed. They take their work too
lightly. Others can see nothing
but drudgery in their work; their
days are spent in drudgery, their
nights in dark contemplation of the
seriousness of life and its burdens.
When the morning comes they are
tired for having carried the bur
dens of yesterday through the
night; and the smile, though bidden, will not come. Life itself becomes drudgery to them.
The man or woman that laughs
in his or her work, not only wears
a countenance that brightens life
to others, but, touching the bright
spots in other's lives, it is reflected
back upon the giver, and he or she
is doubly blessed. And laughter
in one's work brightens one's soul
and if one's soul is in his work, the
laughter will show in the work
long years after we are gone.
"Laugh and grow fat," is an old
saw. Mr. Carnegie would have it
read "laugh and grow rich." But
there is laughter and laughter���
laughter with soul in it���laughter
with sound like as of an ass. Without love laughter is dead. It may
be in a word; it may be in a look.
It is a something that touches the
chord of kindness in the heart of
a troubled soul, and in the twinkle
of an eye the duct of joy bursts
within and permeates the whole
being with a feeling of light and
love that it did not have before.
If no other inscription is written
upon your tombstone of life than
this, "He laughed in  his work,"
life will not have been
your
vain.
in
<S>
Thoughts of Thinkers.
There is to be no Christianity
where there is no charity.
God writes straight in crooked
lines.���Portugese Proverb.
It is better to be of no church
than to be bitter for any.���Wm.
Penn.
Let us live happily, then, not
hating those who hate us���Ancient
Maxim.
I do not wonder at what men
suffer, but I wonder at what they
lose.���Ruskin.
Let a man overcome anger by
love. Let him overcome evil by
good���Buddah.
You must, for wisdom, for sanity, have some  access to the mind
and heart of common humanity.
The exclusive excludes himself.���
Emerson.
Love your enemies; bless them
that curse you; do good to them
that hate you.���Jesus.
Life, like the waters of the sea,
freshens only when it ascends toward heaven. ���Ri tcher.
Conservatism makes no poetry,
breaths no prayer, has no invention ; it is all memory.���Emerson.
Never to give up, but ever to
keep up and to keep at it, is the
test of heroism in times that are
hard and hours that are dark.���
Henry Clay Trumbull.
Work must be directed with intelligence.      A   boy   sitting  on a
rocking-horse may put out   more
effort than one riding a wheel, but
he does not get anywhere with it.
���Views.
Willie had swallowed a penny
and his mother was iD a state of
much alarm. "Helen," she called
to her   sister  in  the   next room,
"send   for    a    doctor,     Willie    bas
swallowed a penny."
The terrified boy looked up imploringly. "No, mamma," he interposed, "send for the minister."
"The minister 1" exclaimed the
mother.
"Yes, because papa says our
minister can get money out of anybody."
<��>
From time immemorial, men
have had the privilege of selecting
their partners for life, women only
being permitted a negative selection by refusing the attentions of a
distasteful suitor. Is it not time
for a change ? Woman must bear
all tbe cares of maternity, and she
has first claim on the children.
Then why should she not say who
shall be the father of her child.
A despatch tells of a Kentucky
young man who squeezed a girl's
hand so hard that it had to be
amputated. Lucky he didn't try
her waist. 1.58
LOWERY'S CLAIM.
[February, 1902
Legalized   Murder
and are protected by the state.
The people of ('amden became so
disgusted that they demanded tthe
Board to  rescind  the  Compulsory
Disease Inoculating Vaccine Pointsv^^^^V;^ ruie? and after holding a meeting
Camden, N. J.,   started to put the they rescinded  the  rule  and both
compulsory    vaccination    law    in vaccinated   and   unvaccinated  are
force, and gave orders that all chil- now allowed to go to school,
dren wishing to attend school  had If a man kills another he is forced
to   be   vaccinated.     Anothei-   law to face a jury   and  stand   trial for
reads tbat all children must attend murder,  and   if   found   guilty,   he
school.    So we can see  what these must hang, but when a set of men
1, 1901.
Sanderton, Pa., Dec
Now is the harvest time for the
professional blood-poisoners. It
has never been proved that smallpox is contagious. In fact, the
vaccinators themselves admit tbat
it is not contagious unless   you are
in a condition to acquire it. In butchers are after. Many paremts kill ten of our children, through
other words, unless your blood is 1 were against having their children bigotry and ignorance, they are al-
impure  from   breathing   foul air,  inoculated with this disease-breed- lowed to go free;  because they are
overfeeding,    muscular   inactivity
and excesses of all kinds.
To show the foul work that is
being done under the guise of scientific medicine, and under compulsory vaccination law, I will quote
a few affairs that took place in
different sections of the country
within the last few months.
In June of this year, the Health
Hoards of both Chester, Pa., and
Cleveland, Ohio, raised a smallpox
scare. As usual they scared the
people into getting vaccinated, the
people thinking that the doctors,
after taking a four years' scientific
medical course, should know best,
allowed themselves to be vaccinated. Many other practicing physicians were against it, and advised
the people not to be vaccinated.
The people however believed the
Hoard of Health physicians. The
result was that four died in each
place from lockjaw caused by the
vaccination, while not a patient
that had the smallpox died in either
place. This disgusted the people,
aud they condemned the doctors
and vaccination, and forced the
Hoards to rescind the compulsory
vaccination rule, whieh tbe Hoard
did, and it is needless to say that a
smallpox scare will not take place
soon again in these places.
But we now come to one of those
outrages that make an honest physician ashamed to belong lo the
medical profession. In the latter
part of October the Hoard of Health
and   the    Hoard   of   Education   ot
ing pus, but as they wished their
children to attend school,they were
forced to have them vaccinated.
The first two weeks all"went well,
but in two weeks after that ten
died from lockjaw, caused directly
by   vaccination.    The   people   be-
protected by the state. Is this
justice? Such facts of medical ignorance and crime will stare in the
face the coming generation.
We uow come to the outrage
committed at St. Louis, in the name
of  scientific   medicine.    We  need
came disgusted and demanded  an| but t() look ftt  ^ ;*  .     ,     ||(
explanation.       Did   they   get   it?
Certainly, the vaccinating physicians first gave out thc very learned
statement that the air was full of
lockjaw (tetanus) germs, and that
these germs adhered to the wounds,
but they failed to state why people
with other wounds did not contract
the disease. One of the physicians
was honest enough however to say
that it was not in the air. This
explanation did not satisfy the peo-
Coroner, which reads:
"We find chat the deceased came
to their death from tetanus following the administration of diphtheria
anti-toxin having been prepared
and issued by the health department [death department it should
read J of the city and bearing dates
on labels of August 24 and September 30, 1901.
-The presence of  tetanus  toxin
pjle, however, and the President of;iu the diphtheria anti-toxin shows
the Board then made the statement negligence upon the part of the
tbat the patients had not died from health department in the prepara-
lockjaw, but from meningitis, and
that the vaccination physicians who
were also the attending physicians
had diagnosed the disease wrong.
Just think.after ten children had
died after being treated for lockjaw
with that arch-fraud, anti-toxin, a
physician then giving out the statement that they did not have lockjaw at all but meningitis, and that
they had not only been diagnosed
wrong but also treated  wrong.
This is truly a system of scientific
murdering if ever there was one,
but these physicians were not held
responsible for the death of the
murdered ones, and why? Simply
because they   are   licensed   to  kill
tion of  said  diphtheria anti-toxin
and the issuance thereof."
These statements are plain
enough and expose another of the
terrible outrages that are being
daily committed throughout all
America. When will these outrages stop?
The answer is plain. Not as
long as the larger portion of the
so-called American free press will
stand by the doctors in these criminal outrages. There are many
papers now exposing these unscientific methods of treating disease, and many of our best physicians and greatest authorities are
helping to establish a rational   sys- .   .
9MawmtaaW*m%9M
FEBRUARY. 1902.1
LOWERY'S CLAIM.
130
tern of medicine,  but  there is yet
plenty of work to be done.
All editors that publish the truth
in regard to these matters should
be praised for the good work they
are heljs-kig to do, and the time is
not far distant when the people will
bless them for it.���R. Swinburne
Clymer, Ph.D., M.S., M.D., Physician and Surgeon to St. Luke's
Hospital.
film Things a
fiaby Can Do.
A New Denver father, who knows
all about it, thus libels his neighbor's child:
It can beat anv alarm clock ever
9/
invented in waking a family up in
the morning.
In a given time it can smash
more dishes than the most industrious servant girl in   the country.
It can fall down oftenerand with
less provocation than the most expert tumbler in the circus ring.
it can make more genuine fuss
over a simple brass pin than its
mother would over a broken back.
It can choke itself black in the
face with greater ease than the
most accomplished wretch that ever
was executed.
It can keep a family in a constant turmoil from morning till
night and night till morning, without, once varying its tune.
It can be relied on to sleep peacefully all day when its father is in
town and cry persistently at night
when he is particularly sleepy.
It may be the naughtiest, dirtiest,
ugliest, and most fretful baby in all
th*? whole world, but you never
can make its mother believe it, and
you had better not try.
It can be a charming and model
infant, when no one is about, but
when visitors are present it can
exhibit more bad temper than both
of its parents put together.
All the Difference.
The following conversation took
place during a recent election in
Cumberland between two free and
independent electors:
"Wot's these 'er Socialists,
Jack?'' questioned one of the other.
"Well," replied the other, "it's
this way. If yer had two carriages
and two horses, you'd give me one,
wouldn't yer?"
"Just think I   would,"   replied
Bill.
"An' if you'd two fields, you'd
give me one, wouldn't yer?"
"You bet I would," said Bill.
"You're a Socialist, Bill���a born
Socialist. If you'd two pigs you'd
give me one, wouldn't yer?"
"Nay, I wouldn't," replied Bill.
"Before I'd give yer one I'd fight
yer for it.''
Bill had two pigs.
Married his Stepmother
A marriage which has the distinction of being the most unique
in the matrimonial annals of the
civilized world,took place at Flora,
111., a short time ago. The parties
to this contract were David and
Bertha Reynolds, whose home is
on the dividing line of Clay and
Wayne counties, and the bride is
the young man's stepmother. The
young man applied for a marriage
license, but the clerk refused to
issue the license without the consent of the young man's father.
He returned accompanied by a man
of 50 years, who testified that he
was George Reynolds, the young
man's father, and the divorced
husband of the woman whom his
son wanted to marry, and that he
approved of the contemplated union.
The papers were then issued and
the marriage took place. The age
of the bridegroom was given at 20
years and that of the bride at 22.
A well-known vicar in Yorkshire
was teaching his Band of Hope to
sing "Little Drops of Water."
The children,   however, wrere dull
and stolid, and at last the despairing vicar exclaimed: "Now, children, try again. 'Little Drops of
Water,' and do pray put a little
'spirit' in it.''
Too Good to be True.
It is related that on the last tour
of President McKinley in the South
Andrew Carnegie was in the party,
and all were asked to attend a
negro church in Thomasville, Ga.,
where a very fervid colored minister officiated.
The old pastor preached a sermon
right at the white folks, and his
description of the poverty of the
church was so impressive that
when the deacons passed the contribution boxes around Mr. Carnegie intercepted one ar.d dropped
a $50-bill in the box.
The old preacher counted their
contents When he had finished
he placed a handful of small change
on one side and a crisp greenback
on the other. Clearing his throat,
he said:
"Breddern, we has been  greatly
blessed by dish   ver  conterbution.
We has heah fo' dollahs  an'   fo'ty
cents; dat is good; an'   if  de   fifty-
dollah bill put in by de white gem-
man wid de gray   whiskers is also
good, we is blessed a whole lot
moah," and he looked suspiciously
at the giver of libraries and campaign funds.���Des Moines Leader.
A Case of "Quits"
Clerical customer (arousing himself from nap in barber's chair)���
All through, eh?
Rarber���Yes,sir; quite some time
ago-
Clerical customer���Indeed! Then
I must  have  been   indulging in a
quiet nap.
Barber���You surely have, sir.
Clerical customer���It was certainly very kind in you not to
aw7aken me; the rest has done me
good, and I am very thankful to
you for what was really a very refreshing sleep.
Barber���Don't mention it, air.
It's only a fair return; I attended
service at your church last Sunday.
���Boston Courier.
Trusts are only possible with a
high tariff.
��- esfe^z
140
LOWERY'S CLAIM.
[FBBBUABY, 190%
A Dakota Blind Pig
A Story About BO.M'S'S'S'S'S'K'S.'K'S'K'S'S^^
In one of my youthful meander-
ings of several years ago I alighted
from a train at a little town in
North Dakota. It was a cattle
train   from   which   I   disembarked
away from one corner of the slough
that was dignified in the railway
guide by the title of Oak river
I carefully performed my ablutions
and proceeded to the leading   hotel
and I did so at the brakeman's re-lof this embryo metropolis of the
quest, selfsame request eloquently plains, wbere the landlord relieved
accentuated by the "shack"   going me of two bits and loaded me down
through some Delsarte motions with
a spare lin k. pin that happened to
be ready to his hand. As a sort of
exchange of courtesy I stood on the
grade and heaved large chunks of
ballast along the hurricane deck in
his direction as the train pulled
out. leaving behind it a sulphurous
smell of railway profanity, and
carrying with it. for one day at
least, all chances of other than
pedestrian progression to the northward.
Naturally there was   no   further
northern progression on the part of
yours truly. The rods are not the
most comfortable method of migration, but, as the hobo tersely put
it,"They beat walking all to Hell."
and rather than give the minions
of Jim Hill's octopus the satisfaction of forcing a willing patroii of
his line to walk, I camped. With
the Sherlock Holmes intuition that
comes to one who has hit the road
on the American plan, 1 was
ejuick to observe all the outward
indications of a pot gang. Cans,
bottles and discarded garments ofa
rather nondescript style lay in
careless disorder under the bridge.
Many empty vials labelled "Painkiller," "Vanilla Extract," 'Red
Ink," etc., were scattered about
the camping ground���an unfailing
indication that the prohibition law
was being rigidly enforced. But I
did not dally with my friends of
the pot. gang. I was on a much
higher plane, a capitalist, in fact.
I had a dollar and twenty-five
cents.
Chasing  the  snakes  and   toads
with pork and bewis. Delmonico
never served pork and beans like
those.
Then to the print shop. The
editor was a classical looking gent
with the spectacles and sideburns
which betoken the legal profession.
One glance was sufficient. He had
studied law, passed with flying
colors, tried to build up a practice,
failed, wrote home for more dough
and bought the newspaper with
political intent. The ostentatious
bluff at dignity (which no real
newspaper man ever wore) showed
that he had bis eye on the governorship���probably at about the
same relative distance that a man
on a haystack looks at the planet
Mars. Nevertheless,the paper was
all right. Natural inference an
old-time print must bo connected
with the works. This hypothesis
was correct. As I lingered in the
front olliee trying to rise to the
ambitious politician editor's level
or fetch him down to mine, the
printer shuffled in. He had four
days' whiskers unshave^d, wore a
shirt that might have been white
on the previous Sunday, chewed
fine cut and exhibited numerous
indications that he had pushed a
hump-backed rule in every state
from the Mississippi to the Coast.
No introduction was necessary. He
knew and I knew that he knew.
"Well, pard, how's things on the
pike?" was the way the conversation opened, and inside of thirty
seconds he extended the hospitality
of the city by ejaculating "Let's
hit the pig.''    We hit it.
The blind pig of North Dakota
is an institution entirely unique.
It thrives in other prohibition
states, but Dakota is the land of
its nativity. Sometimes it is in a
shed back of the harness shop, occasionally in a damp, foul-smelling
cellar, or again in a hay-loft, where
you slide a quarter through a crack
in the manger and a ladder swings
down���sort of a quarter in the slot
affair. But this particular pig had
them all outspotted. We headed
off down past the church, then ent
across the track between a couple
of strings of box cars, dodged behind an elevator, through a livery
stable, paused while a female with
spectacles and a Susan B. Anthony
countenance frow frowed down a
narrow lane, then dodged stealthily
into a lumber yard. My guide and
host led the way. He climbed over
a little pile of scantlings, squeezed
through between two piles of ship-
lap and stood in a little square surrounded by building material, and
showing the marks of many feet
on the oozy ground. Listening a
minute, "All right, they are in,"
and he walked up against a formidable-looking pile of green six
by six jack pine, knocked a couple
of times with his boot, listened
again,then put his shoulder against
the ends of the timbers. A section
of timber-ends four feet by six feet
swung in, and by this peculiar
door we entered a small chamber
reeking with the smoke of vile
cigars and loaded with the aroma
of bad booze. It took several minutes to become accustomed to the
half light of a stable lantern and
one candle with which the place
was illuminated. Over in the
corner four men were playing a
petty larceny game of stud poker
with noiseless rubber washers for
checks, wearing out th�� seats of
their overalls waiting for a hole
card. The floor was of the rich
virgin soil of Dakota's far-famed
prairie land, kept moist and mellow
by liberal expectorations of Battle
Axe plug.    Across the room was a HHHHi
*���?-������;���? | ������ | j
T
���*���������***������...���
^BBRUAhY 1902.]
LOWERY'S CLAIM.
141
���-
broad  plank resting at one end on
a barrel and at the other in a crack
in the  lumber pile  which formed
the roof and  walls.    Behind this
improvised bar stood a man  with
the eyes of a buzzard and the face
of a horse thief.    On the back bar
lay a navy revolver, a bowie and a
sprinkling of 44 cartridges.    That
was all.    About  the   little   room
lounged  probably  a   dozen   men,
sitting on nail kegs and soap boxes
or leaning against the  wall.    All
pulled their hats over their   eyes
when they found a stranger in their
midst and by the dim smoky light
I could see on their faces the hang
dog expression with which  a pickpocket faces a camera.    They were
breaking the law of the  land, and
they knew it.     But my friend the
printer rose to the occasion and introduced me to each man individually as an  old-time  friend  of his
from the road.    The only  miss he
made was to start me out as Simon
Somers   and  wind   up  as Samuel
Winters.     The   bar-tender   caught
on and there  came  near  being a
fuss, but somebody  interposed by
buying   a   drink.      And   what  a
wealth of mysteries that blind pig's
bar contained.    The timber opened
in  the  most  unprovoked   fashion
and showed in cuddy holes  flasks,
bottles,   dimijohns, and what not.
"What will you have?" the
lynx-eyed bar-ten der  interrogated.
"Oh, most, anything goes," I
answered, determined not to be
taken off my guard by asking for
anything so incriminating as whiskey.
"We have everything here," he
said, showing his long teeth in a
stereotyped smile.
"Yes,sure,"chimed in my printer
friend; "anything you want, and
maybe some you don't want.
Liquid lightning, Kansas coffin
paint, pain-killer, Montana sheep
dye, prussic acid, tarantula juice,
red eye, alkey, paris green and���"
"Paris green, I guess will be
good enough for me," I said,
rtientally selecting what seemed llike
the least harmful of the decoctions
named by my typographical friend.
I got it. The bar-tender pulled
out the end of a stick of timber
and brought forth a small suspicious-looking bottle which somebody
in the raving of a diseased imagin-
phised on the inconvenience of
being broke, My friend the prin ter
was just beginning to warm up
und.'r the influence of libera! doses
of "red eye" and was in the middle
of a story which had its opening-
scenes in St. Louis and  had got as
ation    had    labelled    "Creme   de far as  San   Francisco, incidentally
Menthe."    The   man   next to me
said that straight  vitrol  would do
him.    One of the poker players���a
Norwegian���rung in  and  ordered |
alcohol   unadulterated,   wbich  he
drank without a tremor.    A  sheep
rancher, with an Opie Reid accent,
called for "Co'n juice," which, he
said,    "weren't in   it with  theah
stuff weuns used ter make  in   Ar-
kensaw," and he "allowed that he
moot staht a still," if the penalties
were not so severe.
Somebody else bought, and I
swallowed some stuff the bar-tender
recommended as "horse medicine:
good booze, too." As near as I
could figure out it was oil of mustard and alcohol.       lien my friend | the oil all over the wall.     Them the
candle   dropped     and     some   one
struck a   match    when   I got   it in
the slats from one   side and on the
point of  the  chin   from   another,
going down   and   out.    The   Q��$t��$J
few minutes  was  a blank
touching Memphis and New Orleans
I never could discover just exactly
what  the   row   was   about, but it
seems tbat there  was  one  ace too
numerous in the poker deck, a disclosure  to   which   the  Norwegian
took  exception   in  a  manner that
should have entitled him  to a permanent abode in   the   Valhalla of
the brave.    The  hostilities became
general in less time than it takes to
tell   it.      The  bar-keeper    calmly
reached for his  gun   without   ever
slipping a cog in his conversation ;
then the light went out.    lt seems
that my friend the printer grabbed
the lantern and swiped the Arkan-
saw  man   over  the   head,   spilling
the printer bought and tlie poker
players all rung in. Then the bartender set 'em up for the bouse.
Then there was a lull and we
dropped into a general conversation
in which the bar-tender confidentially unloaded a brief treatise to
me cm the difficulties which surrounded the operation of a blind
pig, and sighed for the old days
when   he  could  do   "a square up
m
^smwsm
ft
1 came too somebody with a. Nor*
wegian accent was yelling "tiyah"
in my ear. and the printer had me
under the arms rescuing me from
the flames.    As   we  staggered out
yN
and up business, and not injure somebody was trying to get the
nobody with this bere hand-made Arkansaw man out from under the
coffin paint." Whether he feared bar, which was held down by a
that 1 was figuring on starting a pile of timbers falling from the roof.
competitive pig or not, I don't I don't know how that chapter of
know. 1 certainly looked tough, the tragedy terminated as the only
but hardly that bad. I think, idea I entertained was a hazy
However I may have been pre- notion of unfinished business in
judiced about  my  appearance ; or other parts.
maybe he was. Anyway, in an We got out, my printer friend
unguarded moment, I suggested land I. and sounded a useless alarm.
that it was a long time between The little city had no tire brigade,
drinks, and four or   five lined up.   Thc   nearest    water     supply    was
I planked down my iron dollar,
which the bar-keeper calmly took
and put in his pocket without
even suggesting such a thing as
change, while 1   mentally   philoso-
about two miles distant, either
across the plains or straight down,
and grain elevators burn fast,
especially in   conjunction   with   a
lumber yard.	
[Concxuded on Last Pachj]- Hi
tOWERY^ 'CLAIM.
ItPkBHUiiiY, nioil
;V
The Trust Problem.
Tom D. Johnson,Mayor of Cleveland, says:
"Equal taxation will solve the
trust problem. Trusts live through
special privileges granted to them,
upon which they do not pay taxes.
Tax the special privileges and the
question   will   be   solved.    Equal
They are questions of honesty,fairness and justice, and the people
will answer them aright. No
cause that this is true of can lose.
This cause is true and must prevail."
Idleness is the key of beggary.
Better be ill spoken of by one before all, than all before one.
Industry is fortune's right hand
and frugality her left.
In a thousand pounds of law
there is not an ounce of love.
The law is not the same at morn-
Language of Stamps.
If a postage stamp be placed up-1 .Rg and night
taxation   will   solve   the   greatest Ude down on the top left-hand cor-       Before yoll marry,   be  Bure of a
problem of  the world-the labor Uer of the envelope it  means that J^ ^
problem. ^e writer loves you.    If cross-wise
"Every taxpayer ought to be in- on the same corner, "My heart be-
terested in just and equal taxation, longs to another, and can never be-
forthe happiness and welfare of long to you." Placed in the proper
the people and the prosperity  and way on the same corner, "Good-by
for the present,   dearest.''     If
safety of the state depend upon just
and equal taxation. Under the
existing laws and the methods of
executing them in Ohio, we nowr
have farm lands assessed at oO per
cent, of their real value.
"The homes of the small owners
of city real estate are taxed at 60
percent, of their real value. Steam
railroads are assessed at about 22
per cent, of their  real   value, and
hencro pay on'.y about   one-third  of
their fair share of taxes as compared with the farmers and small
property owners of the state.
"Street railroads and other public   service   corporations   use   the
property of the people and,by keeping up the price for service, make
immense   profits,   but  they   value
their property as 'junk'   when  returning it for taxation, and so pay
about one-tenth of their fair  share
of taxes as compared with farmers
and   small   property   owners.     By
reason of the fact that so   much of
the taxable property   in   the  state
unjustly evades taxation, the property of the honest  and   helpless is
taxed at a much higher   rate   than
it   would   be  if  all   property   was
honestly assessed, as the constitution  of the  state demands.    The
property   of great  corporations is
almost untaxed, and thus the burden of taxation is not borne on all
property   alike,   but.   is    unjustly
thrown upon the  property   of the
farmer and small home owner.
"These are not party  questions.
at
right angle on the left-hand top
corner, "I hate you." The left-
hand corner at the bottom, placed
the same way, "I wish or desire
your friendship,but nothing more."
Left-hand bottom corner, upside
down, "Write soon." If put on a
line with surname on the left hand
side it means, "Accept my love."
If upside down in the some position
"1 am already engaged." If placed
upside down in the right-hand corner, "My heart is another's, you
must write no more." If put
crosswise on the right-hand corner,
it asks the delicate question, "Do
you love me, dearest?" If on the
right-hand siele of surname, proper
way, it says, "I long to seie you;
write immediately.' At the bottom right-hand corner, crosswise,
"No." At the same place, upside
down, "Yes." At the bottom
right-hand corner, proper way,
"Business correspondence.'
Aneient Proverbs.
God healeth, and the physican
hath the thanks.
Things hardly attained are longer retained.
Health without money is half a
sickness.
Hope is a good breakfast, but a
bad supper.
Be a good husband, and you will
get a penny to spend, a penny to
lend, and a penny for a friend.
The offspring of them that are
very old, or very young, lasteth
uot.
When an old man will not drink,
go to see him in another world.
One story is good till another's
told.
Would you know the value of
money, go borrow some.
He that liveth wickedly can
hardly die honestly.
The offender never pardons.
Hcuju He Got It.
"Did you ever get religion?"
asked the revivalist.
"Well, I should say so���LJ8
pounds of it," replied the man.
"A hundred and thirty-eight
pounds of religion?" cried the revivalist.    "Howdid you get that?"
"The only way that a good many
men ever get religion," was the
reply.     "I married it."
And what, we may ask, what
have the professed supporters, the
"learned divines" of this religion
of love done? Their deeds are
written in letters of blood in the
history of the civilization of mankind during the last eighteen hundred years. And just as these
"vicars of God" on earth did. so
did their subordinates and accomplices; so, too, have the orthodox
priests of other sects done, never
failing to set the practice of their
own course of life in the strongest
possible contrast to those noble
doctrines of  (christian   love which
were   constantly  on   their  lips.	
Ernst Haeckel. folikijAsV 1902.]
10W��ftY>8 CLAIM
3* The Face Upon the Barroom Floor J���!
,;
'Twas a balmy  summer evening,  and a
goodly crowd was there,
Which   well-nigh   filled   Joe's   barroom
that stood upon the square;
And as songs   and   witty   stories   came
through the open door,
A vagabond  came  slowly   in   and  stood
upon the floor.
"Where did it come from?" someone said,
"The wind has blown it in,"
"What   does   it   want?"    another   cried,
"some whiskey, ruin or gin?"
"Here, Toby, sic him,   if your stomach 's
equal to the work,
"I wouldn't touch him with  a   fork, he's
as dirty as a Turk."
This badinage the  poor  wretch  took   in
stoical good grace,
In fact, he smiled, as  though he'd struck
Lhe proper place.
"Now, boys, I know there's goodly hearts
among so good a crowd,
To be in such good company would make
a deacon proud.
"Give me a drink,  that's  what   1   waul,
I'm out of funds, you know;
When I had cash to  treat  the  gang this
hand was never slow;
What!    Vou laugh, as though this pocket
had never held a sou���
My, bovs, I once was fixed as well as anv
one of you.
"There, thanks;  that's braced ine nicely;
God bless you; one and all;
Next time   I   pass  this  good   saloon   I'll
make another call,
(rive you a song?    I   can't do  that,   my
singing days are past,
My voice is gone,  my  throat  worn out,
my lungs arc going fast.
"Say, give me another whiskey,  and I'll
tell you what I'll do;
I'll tell vou a funny story, and a fact I'll
promise, too;
That I ever was a decent  man, not one ot
you would think,
But I was, some four   or   five years hack,
say, give me another drink.
"Fill hcr up, Joe; 1 waut to put some life
into this frame,
Such little drinks to a  hum   like   me are
miserably tame.
Five lingers, there, that is the score,   and
corking whiskey, too.
Well, bovs,   here's  luck,  and,   landlord,
inv best regards to you.
"You've treated ine pretty   kindly, hoys,
aud I'd like to tell you how
I came to bc the dirty  sot vou see before
yon now.
As [told vou, once   1    was   a   Ulan,   with
muscle frame and health, BI9
And hut for a blunder,   might have made
considerable wealth.
"I was a painter. Not one who daubed
on paint on wood;
But an artist, and for my age was rated
pretty good,
I worked hard at my,canvass, and was
bidding fair to-rise,
Till gradually I saw the star of fame belore my eyes.
"I painted a picture, perhaps you've seen,
'tis called the Cbase ot Fame;
It brought me   fifteen   hundred pounds
and added to my name;
And then I met  a  woman.      Now  here
comes the funny part,
With eyes that  petrified  my brain  and
sunk into my heart.
"Why don't you laugh?     'Tis funny that
a vagabond like me
Should ever  love  a  woman  and  expect
her love for me;
But it was so, and for a month her smiles
w-ere freely given,
And when her loving  lips touched mine,
it carried me to heaven.
"Boys, did you ever see a girl for whom
your soul you'd give?
With a form like Milo Venus, too beautiful to live.
With lips that would beat the Koh-i-noor,
and a wealth of chestnut hair?
If so, 'twas she, for there never was another half so fair.
"I was working at   a   portrait   one  afternoon in  May,
Ol" a fair-haired   hoy,   a   friend   of  mine,
who lived across thc way,
And Madaline  admired  it, and, much to
my surprise,
Said she'd like to know the man that had
such dreamy eyes.
"It didn't take long to know him, and
belore a month had flown
My friend had stolen my darling, and I
was left alone;
And before a year of misery had passed
above my  head,
The jewel I had treasured so had tarnished and was dead.   ���
"That's why 1 took to drink,  boys;   why
1 never saw you smile;
1 thought that you would be amused, and
laughing ail thc while.
Why; what's the matter, friend?   I saw a
tear drop in your eye;
Come, laugh like me,  'tis only babes and
women that should cry.
Now, it vou give me another drink, boys,
it will make me glad,
And I'll draw right here   the picture that
drove me mad.
l;ive me that piece of chalk   with which
. .vim nicirk the baseball score,
You shall see the lovely   Madaline   upon
the balrooin floor."
124
Another drink, aud with  chalk   in hnnd
the vagabond began
To draw a face that  well   might  buy the
soul of any man,
And as he added the lastwavey lock upon
the shapely head,
With fearful  shriek,   he   rose,   and   tell
across the picture, dead.
& ��AV*
-^
/
r
fr. *#
I
i4i
\
tOWteft^S CLAIM.
tFKDKUARY, titf
In the panic that followed it would
be hard to say just how the fire
got across the track. I rather
think the elevator boiler blew up ;
but in five minutes the town was
doomed. As the populace moved
back into the wheat fields, watching their goods and chattels burn,
somebody raised a cry of incendiary,
and I noticed a long-whiskered guy
Great Northern thirty-ton  wheat end of life;  what that other life
will be, we do not know,  because
we do not need to know."
cars that have six truss-rods.
A short run, a desperate clutch
with clenched teeth, a whirling,
flying swing, and I was on the
rods.    But, oh God! What chances
to take.
As I settled down for a northern
flight the engineer pulled her open
and we passed the flying horseman
with a populist air moving around 1 as though he were   standing   still
among the people, casting ominous 1 But not too fast for me to  recog-
glances in my direction. I nize in him my erstwhile friend the
I didn't wait.    In the gloaming bar-tender.    I have long wished to
of that beautiful summer evening know wbether he was helping the
I shattered   all previous records,  impromptu vigilance committee to
Down the dusty trail that leads to
the nortbland I moved with haste
hardly befitting a gentleman. A
good two miles from the site of the
late town I paused to catch a breath
and to relieve my internal anatomy
of some of the ''Paris green."
Away back in the distance a freight
whistled. I watched it slowly
creep across the plains. The elevator fell away from the track and j
wowm*** *}&M-ks J&w* *o the stars.     The blaze
in the lumber yard quieted down
a little. Then I saw horsemen
start out from the burning town.
I lay flat in the grass. The long
freight moved slowly on, then gave
three long blasts and dashed
through the burning town. One
horseman headed my way and
settled down into a long swinging
stride, leading the train by a good
half mile. I remember going into
a befuddled geometrical trianguh-
tion to determine which would
reach me first, but the proposition
seemed to favor the horsemau. I
moved across the track and took
up a less conspicuous position in
the ditch. Then the long freight
intervened and I stood up behind a
telegraph pole to wait.
On it came, a "battleship" with
forty empties. I figured the speed
to be at least sixteen mile, but decided to take a chance. The brak-
ies were both rubbering the fire,
and never once looked ahead.
I moved onto the grade and selected my conveyance,   one   of   those
search for me as the man who
burned their town, or was he too
heading for the Manitoba line ?
But my curiosity never tempted
me to revisit the scene.
Tolstoy's Religion.
Tolstoy was recently asked by a
correspondent to give his opinion
as to the birth and person of Christ,
the problem of immortality-.and tbe
church communion. His reply, as
quoted in the Revue Bleue (Paris),
was as folioW8:
"I believe that Christ was a man
like ourselves; to look upon him as
God would seem to me the greatest
of sacrilege and an evidence of
paganism. To recognize Christ as
God is to deny God.
"I believe that Christ was a man
but I believe his doctrine divine, as
expressing divine truths. I know
of no doctrine superior to it; it has
given me life, and I strive to follow
it as far as I am able.
"Of the birth of Christ I k.iow
and need to know nothing. As to
life beyond the grave, we know
that it exists, that death is not the
��� in m* utw* ulw* m ** m ** w* -tvg
If 4\2*
SMOKE TT
If   BRITISH LION &
^MAINLAND  CIGARS
int.*.* Iii *%.''&***
An old maid stood on a steamboat deck
Whence all but her had fled,
And calm1/ faced a kissing bug,
Thi't cycled overhead.
Maidens shrieked and matrons swooned,
And the men all swore amain,
But the game old maid like a hero stayed,
And whispered, "Come again."
There was a buzz���a thunder sound,
The old maid���was she dead?
Nay; still she stood and cried for more
But the Kissing Bug had fled.
A man in Main was so mean
that he mixed sawdust with his
hen feed. The hens did not notice
the difference and got fat on it, so
he mixed more, and continued the
adulteration until he finally had
them feeding on straight sawdust
This diet worked all right until
one of the hen3 hatched out a setting of eggs. Then the mean man
found out his mistake���the chicks
were all woodpeckers.
Old King Sol is a funny old guy;
And a funny old guy is he;
He calls for his rays and he works up a blaze
And he raises the mercuree.
Woman Lecturer (addressing an
audience on hcr favorite topic,
"Woman") ��� I have never yet
seen a beautiful girl, on whose
cheek sits the blush of dawn, but I
felt the longing to embrace her and
to kiss her on the lips	
Bass Voice (in the rear of the
hall)���Same here!
(Prolonged applause.)
"What's the difference," asked
a teacher in arithmetic, "between
one yard and two yards?"
"A wall," was the reply of a
member of the class.
The teacher was silent.
"Begorra," said the Irish policeman, examining the broken window, "this is more sayrious thin
Oi thought ut was. It's broke on
both sides."
In this degenerate age when a
banker defaults or a cashier skips
out, the first question asked is,
1 i What church did he belong to V1
<
At
Umm
J8L
ms

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