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Lowery's Claim Nov 1, 1905

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Lowkrv's Claim is published monthly
and sent to any part of the world,
postpaid, for ft a year.   Address
all letters to
Canada. NELSON, B C.
The editor who dares to run an
honest paper must be prepared to
receive plenty of abuse from the
selfish and ignorant. A woman in
one of the coal towns on the Crow
called ns an infalid the other day.
This is a new ono, but we suppose
she meant infidel. The ignorant
do not understand the meaning of
the word infidel. It means an unbeliever and can be truthfully ap-
plied to every one on earth. We
would have to believe everything
in order* to escape the supposed
odium of being called an infidel.
All reformers and advanced thinkers havo always been called infi-
elelH by the brainless, or by tho-ie
who profit by living upon them.
Without the so-called infidels the
world would still be where it was
when creation first began. Their
blows at the evils cf church, state
and society have given the people
all the freed nn ami liberties they
now enjoy, and the work is not vet
finished. When it is, this world
will be to rent, anel all the tenants
will have solved the pioblem over
whieh so ranch blood, tears and
treasure  has bv-en spattered.
J. H. Lowry, who runs a paper
down iu Texas, writes us that
Lowkuy's Claim is a hummer, but
thinks that we could do a bigger
business if wo moved into the
States. We believe that would be a
fact, but unfortunately we cannot
breakaway from British Columbia,
although rather than publish this
journal in the cent belt of Canada
we would jumpiuto the hottest gnu
town in Texas, for that is a state*
iu which the truth is appreciated,
and liars cannot slander neighbors
without running a great risk of increasing the lead  business,    The
six-shooter formation has a wonderful way of making people keep
their hands above the table and a
roughlock on their tongues. However, unlike John Houston, we
win not just yet slip away south
ancl desert the beautiful mountains
of Kootenay, and the glorious climate of British Columbia.
We have wondered at the affection between British Columbia
judges and Scotch whiskey. It is
truly pathetic to watch some of
them kiss the glass as though it
were the red lips of a summer girl.
Whiskey is largely the mainstay of
some courts, and perhaps the judicial gentlemen merely show their
appreciation of such a valuable
ally. In our opinion judges and
parsons should be in the same class.
Neither should use stimulants, anel
thereby set an example to the people who look up to them. Judges
whei become booze fiends should be
relegated to the back seats. No man
with a whiskey soaked upper stope
is fit to even deal out justice over a
dog fight let alone cases that involve
liberty, or large sums of money.
Frank is probably the only town
in Qauada upon which a mountain
ever fell. Even that distinctive
and terrible calamity has failed to
make the people good for they still
arrest those  who   fish on Sundav.
The execution of this ''blue law"
would ne.t be SO bad if only those
were arrested who go fish ing on
Sundav and elei not catch anything,
except a skate, and conn* home
with bait spilled all over their
clothes. Such chaps are liable to
breed bribery and corruption in a
community by buying a string
from others and palming them off
as their own piscatorial triumph.
The   bible  does   not   men tiou anv i
forgiveness for a sin of this kind.
Blainnore escaped a boom last
month. A freight train butted into a car of dynamite that was
standing still on a siding in that
town, but the explosive failed to
respond to the bump. If it had
Blairmore would have looked like
30 cents with a hole in it, and
fringed in death. The local paper
remarks that if the calamity had
happened the jury would likely
have brought in a verdict censuring
the people for stopping in town
when the dynamite was there.
Probably, upon such occasions,
they should go to Frank and listen
to the wind as it whistles through
their facial hirsute appendages.
The trek of the Donkholtors in
Western Canada is a terrible example of the effect of religion upon
weak minds. When a band of
these people suffer untold privations wandering almost naked over
the gn.��at prairies with the ictea that
they can find Jesus in Winnipeg it
is about time to put them in schools
until their ignorance vanishes.
Fourteen years ago Major Reed
stood with liis back against the
Nelson House iu this city, and said
that in a few months tJ*e mountain
sheep would be scratching their,
backs against the buildings along
Baker street. The major was off
as a prophet, although since that
time some lambs have como te>
town, and a few wolves in stiff
A few years ago nothing was
raised in thc Slocan except lead,
silver, cold decks and hell. Now
grass is growing in S melon, potatoes at Three Forks, while at Rose-
bury a zinc plant has hutted in
amid the .strawberries. At antl.
around thc other Slocan Like towns
fruit is becoming mighty and will
soon prevail.
Vaccination is one of the supers', it ions of the medical world.
Remember the Claim when you
want job printing.
A life job develops the tyrant in
some judges. ���
The flitting of John
To the White Sands of Nevada.
Worry is more destructive than
work, and should be shunned with
as much energy as if it were a mad
dog.   Tho effect of worry is plainly
seen in the career of Johu Houston.
While mayor of this city, editor of
a daily paper and member of thc
local legislature, all at the same
time, he became despondent with
the cares of life, his stomach went
on the strike, and throwing everything to the winds in a fit of pique
and disgust be  hit the   pike for
Nevada and  writes back  that he
will not return, at least for a long
time.    Worry was the cause of this
sudden flight, and we trust- that in
future John will  keep the demon
in subjection,      Nelson does not
seem the same without Houston.
For fifteen years he labored for thc
good of the city, and we believe
tbat he was one of the most honest
men that British Columbia ever
had in public life.   The majority
of  politicians  are  seldom   broke
or in debt when they put their cue
back in the political rack.
For nearly a generation Houston
has been a.i energetic, prominent
and erratic figure in the shifting
scenes of Western life from Texas
to  British Columbia.    Men of his
type and  temperament are seen at
their best in the new and stirring
camps   of   the   frontier.       When
pianos,   canary   birds,   pink teas,
tenderfeet ancl cent belters get too
numerous in a camp it is time for
pioneers to 'move on lest they die
of worry,  ennui,  disgust or inaction.    The   law  of   compensation
equalizes all  things, so John has
moved   on to  Nevada   where  his
many B. C. friends wish him luck,
and  trust that   he  discovers  the
secret of keeping  money.     He is
sure to make it.
Talking aliout John puts us in
mind of Senator Bill Stewart, who
has returned to Nevada to make
another fort une.
At the age of seventy-eight, after
having seen two generations He
and pass away; a former governor
of Nevada, a mine owner of great
wealth, a Uuited States senator for
eighteen years, William M. Stewart
for long known as the * 'Santa
Claus"  of the Senate,  is starting
���*>      ��$->      ey-j
life anew amid the gold fields of
With the virility of youth this
robust a:d hearty old-timer has,
with his young bride, started in to
make anotluu* million.
When you see   him   laughing,
boisterous and boyish, taking the
keenest pleasure   in all  his poor
possessions,   and  seemingly never
giving a thought to those* ho had
lost in his old age. you have to rub
your eyes and  say   to yourself :
"Can this really lie Senator William
M. Stewart who has had tho world
at his feet time and again, the man
who,  as leading counsel  for   the
Fair-Flood Mackay syndicate on the
famous Comstock   Lode, received
in one fee $250,000, then tbo largest sum ever received by nny lawyer in the world in a single fee; the
| man  who was in his prime when
' President Lincoln was assaslnated,
and who is the only living person
that saw the oath administered to
Andrew Johnson in the Kirk wood
House; the man   who will always
be remembered in New York cafes
as "thegayest old Santa Claus that
ever lived; the man whose political
career  has  had   more crooks and
turns  than  a   Boston  street;   the
mau  who controlled  the state of
Nevada absolutely:  the man who
has  not  even great piety or overscrupulous  integrity to cheer him
in  misfortune and  enable hiin to
look back over a pathway  of good
d��?eds and noble endeavors ���can it
b<* that this happy vigorous, hopeful    septuagenuarian   is   actually
Senator Stewart.
The Mining Leeches.
The mining industry eif British
Columbia has suiTere*el severely
fiom the overcapitalization of
many companies, anel the extravagance antl incompetence of mine
management. Too many leeches
will ruin anything with blood in it.
Too many skin games have been
played on the stock investing public, anel too many good preij erties
havo been saddled with expenses for
oflice and mine management that
are simply absurd in the eye��s of
practical business men. It is elifli-
cult to cut the dead weight from
our mining industry because for
lack of mouey few newspipers can
run the risk of libel suits pushed
upon them by dishonest men with
plenty of money and wolfish lawyers to back them up. Dishonest
and crooked people are nearly always the class who bring libel suits
against newspapers.
Sir Henry Irving has passed over
to the land where no actor walks
the ties. Irving was a clever but
not a great actor. He lacked tho
soul, the personified ether as it
were, that links an artist to his
audience. Ho was a genius in stago
setting, and in everything that appeals to tho brain, but when it
came to touching hearts with
waves of emotion Irving had to sit
down iu comparison with others of
his own time. As a machine actor
he was probably the greatest that
ever live 1.    Otherwise, just so so.
M. McDonald, of tho firm of
McDonald-Simpson Co., Calgary, is
one of the greatest hustlers in Al-
Serta. He is best known as Little
Mac, and has a nature simply
divine. He has a smile and a kind
word for all kinds of people. Wo
wish that we had a million friends
like Mac. Ho certainly is a sun
that never crosses the line.
The appointment of Pete Wilson
to a judgeship in East Kootenay
lias one regrettable feature. Ho
has to leave Nelson. Pete will
make a just judge, and will not require* to seek inspiration by drinking Scotch at his meals.
Jealousy is a weed that thrives
upon a diseased imagination. People with deeply selfish, greedv ancl
passionate natures are the victims
of this form of  insanity, and it is
seldom cured except by death) starvation or the grace of Cod.
People cry about hard times in
the Slocan, and yet the Lucky Jim
has paiel 180,000 profit within one
year. The Slocan needs more work
and less belliakc.
If you believe in this journal
push it along by getting your friends
to subscribe, ami retain '25 per emit
of tho monoy obtained for your
Death uf Allan.
As a rule the pioneers, packers,
prospectors and trail blazers in a
now country are more real than
dudish, more gonuiue than sanctimonious. They depend moro upon
action thau they do upon prayer,
believing that hard work brings
hotter results than wearing out
their pants begging the Lord to
send  them bacon and  bannocks.
All hough rough these men are
generally the Real Goods. They
are? princes without titles, and
kings whose only throne is a seat
on the top deck of a bucking cayuse, or amid the peaks of the grand
old mountains. The history of
mines, prospects and mountains is
one of blood, exposure and hardship, and they who weave tho his-
tory^iiito the nation's life are not
men of the sissy tribe?, nor yet the
class who grow baldheaded listening to tho blowing of hot air through
cold storage sermons. Because
they do not ante to any appreciable
extent for the gospel mill, and occasionally spill the rye when it is
yellow they are often condemned
by parsons, especially the tender-
foeit ones, and held up as horrible
examples to an array of prudes,
hypocrites and empty benches.
Allan McKinnon recently died
in Kaslo. For many years he had
packed and freighted in and out of
that camp, and no mule was ever
cinched by a better packer. Allan's
heart was white with the memory
of many a kind deed, even if a
brown taste did occasionally creep
into his masticating tunnel. He
was beloved by all who knew him.
Allan practiced the religion of Re*lf-
forgetfulness. His toil, his money,
his grub and cabin were ever ready
to assist the needy. Even when
called upon for help to build the*
Presbyterian church ho handed out
more than ho was asked for. He
might havo been a rich nun but
for the generous impulses that
prompted him to give his material
wealth to mako others happy.
Notwithstanding Allan's good
deeds and the fact that he had
cashed in, the Rov. Mr. Green
burnt his memory in words the
tho other Sunday while preaching
in Kaslo. Wo do not approve of
such sermons. At the best oreedy
.religion is watery gruol, but eliminate from it love, charity antl respect for the feelings of friends and
you have a mess that would sicken
a saint and give his soul the horrors. Parsons should never introduce local personalities into their
sermons. The mountain of evil is
big enough to dynamite without
attacking the deeds of any man.
The divinity in Allan McKinnon
far outshone any trace of the devil
in his formation, and his many
friends, especially the old trail
blazers of the Slocan, will agree
with us that now he is sleeping beneath the pansies, no parson should
malign his name in a frantic effort
to drive the devil out of Kaslo.
The Kootenay saloon at Sandon
still has two doors, and is on the
corner of two streets, a most remarkable fact in a citv like Sandon.
These advantages have not raised
the prico of drinks in this thirst
quenching palace, and a glass of
water is given away with every
drink of booze.
Lowery's Claim and the Toronto Weekly Mail-Empire wili be
sent to any address iu America or
Great Britain from now to the 1st
of January, 1007, for $1.50. Address all letters to R. T. Lowery,
Nelson, B. C.
There is no living with or without a true worn in. With her you
will elie* of too much love, and without her you will die for the lack
of it.
Watch for the December issue of
this Journal. It will ba a hummer
as the editor has recently discovered a sure cure/or laziness.
Over in Alberta it  is said that
Bob  Edwards  has  no show to be!
elected  to  the legislature because|
he has quit di inking.
We have mt*t a lot of dead beats
in this country, and we will publish their names when the list is
Modest merit often feeds the
pangs of hunger while brazen mediocrity stuffs itself with wine and
Eliminate greed from the West
Kootenay P. e& L. Co. and Nelson
could build its power plant in peace.
Nelson should be a great resort
for tourists.    We have the   goods
but no t dvertisiug agent.
People who intend to swear off
something at New Year's should
begin training this month.
Send a copy of this journal to
a friend, and advertise the country
you live in.
The way to New York is paved
with life insurance policies.
Hell hath no fury like a fiend
who cannot reach his hypo.
We miss a good mau when he is
dead or leaves towu.
You cannot build a great town
with small people.
TrTheylaW, M. E.
15 year's experience in coal mines of
B. C.   Reports furnished ou coal
Shops in all leading towns.   Contracts
solicited to supply armies and railroads.
Is the best newspaper in the Crow's
Nest Ptiss coal region.    Two
dollars per annum.
The Nysterv Bevond
No Man Has Solved, r>
A great many people are so oon-
ce*rned about the life hereafter,
about which no man knows anything or ever did know anything,
that they forget tfi do the Square
Thing while in the flesh, and trust
to parsons and prayer to land them
on the graud stand after they havc
parted from their Last Moments.
Man to a certain extent is like
the balance of animated Nature.
Lions, tigers, wolves, horses, foxes,
etc., have some reasoning powers,
and for ages have* produced their
own kind without improving much
upon the original pair.
Man has advanced in art and
science, ospe*eially a lour the lines
of making implements to destroy
his own kind, but in spite of: his
white collar and store clothes th.*
savage brushes against bis shirt
bosom. Under tbe kalsomine of
civilization lurks just as much envy,
hate, greed, tyranny and jealousy,
or more, than the race possessed
when the mules made tl��e*tr short
pants out of leaves, and the females
filled their hair with feathers and
gooso grease lu lieu of millinery.
When it comes to a showdown, and
there is anything worth while in
the pQt, might is still right with
uearly all men aud nations.
From tho first day of the early
days man has worshiped something.
He has bowed down and said his
prayer! to suns, stars, sticks,
stones, snakes, myths, rivers, seas,
hills trees, cows, monkeys popes,
priests, parsons and many other
things and persons, in dueling the
big dollar. Man is largely of the
ape formation anel ho will mimic
and run after anything that savors
of glitter, pomp anel power, much
tho same as a boy chases a circus
procession. The average mind cannot rise above a precedent, and be
who breaks away will be scolded
by old Mother Grundy, and damn-
eel by all the fo-sihzeel chaps in the
All the doctrines of the world
since Paganism was in power, are
the* productions of earthly -harpers
aud fanatics who made a line living
(as a rule) by proclaiming themselves brokers for God, aud establishing laws, rules and dogmas for
fools aud cowards to follow.   The
eS~>      -5-"*       ���T>       (5~*S      (ST"*      eg~>      6"*.
jackass still carriers the pack whilo
wise men inhabit palaces and cathedrals mainly built for them by
fools. No man who ever lived
knows anything about a futuro
state, ancl all religion has been
created out of fear, greed, poetry,
imagination, ignorance aud chicanery.
Religion is a mild form of insanity when kept in bounds by other
forces, but given full scope it rapidly becomes a full blooded demon,
crushing all who cross its path and
often killing its own kind. History
shows that in every age anel clime religious sects have put the knife into those who held different beliefs
when they had the power, and all
for the glory of God. In the past
millions have lieen squashed to
eleath under the juggernaut of religion, and even today tho demon
is making red spots in Turkey.
The missionaries of religion have
been the cause of more war ancl
trouble than all other classes of
mankinel. and while forcing their
creeds upon the so-called heathen
they have been but the skirmish
line for armies that rob, burn and
murder for the benefit of czars,
popes, priests, kings, queens and
emperors���human egotists who arrogate to themselves the divine
right to plunder and destroy mankind. If you keep your eye on
Japan and China you will ere long
seo the effect of meddlesome missionaries in thoso lands. The blood
is on the sky at this moment.
Southern Hospitality.
A group of drummers were trading yarns on the subject of hospitality, when one. a little Virginia
with a humorous eye and a delightful drawl, took up his parable thus:
"I was down in Louisina last
month travelin' 'cross country with
J. J. Carey (the same being Stonewall Jackson C, at your service)
when wo kinder got lost in a mighty
lonesome sort o' road just about
dark. Wei rode along a right good
pace after sundown, and when wo
saw a light ahead it looked first
rate. Wo drove up to the light,
findin' 'twas a house, and when I
hollered like a lost calf tbe man
I came out and we asked him to take
us in for tho night. He looked at
us mighty hard; then said, *Wal, I
reckon 1 kin stand it if you kin.'
So wo unhitched, went in, and
found 'twas only atwo room shanty
ancl just swarmin' with children.
He had six, from 4 to 11 years old,
and as there didn't seem to be but
one lied, mo an' Stony was wein-
derin' what in thunder would be-
: come of us.
"They gave us supper, good hog
and hominy, the best they had, and
, then the olei woman put the two
youngest kids to bed. They went
straight to sleep. Then she took
those out, laid them over in the corner, put the noxt two to lied���antl
so on. After all the chilelreii were
asleep on the floor the old folks
went in the other room ancl told us
we could go to bed if we wanted to,
and, bein1 powerful tired, we did.
' '.Veil, sir, the the next morning
' when wo wtike up wo we��ro lying
over in the corner with the kids,
and the old man and the old woman
had the lied."
Warm Poetry.
Tho  following, quoted from tho
! **Poems   of    Passion,"    by   Ella
| Wlmeler Wilcox,  is  probably the
warmest thing of ita kind extant:
If I wore a rain drop and you wero
a leaf,
I would  burst from the clouds
above you
And lie on your breast iu a rapture
of rest,
And love you, love you, love you.
This is short but brilliant, like
tbe tail of a mallard duck, and Ella
has the sympathy of every man in
town in her sufferings. In their
behalf, a response is necessary:
If I wero cannibal chieftain bold,
Ancl should I chance to meet you,
I'd carrv vou far from  tho haunts
of man,
And���eat you, eat you, eat you.
���Yukon World.
fi Valuable Diseovet*y.
A professor has discovered among
some ancient ruins what is supposed to bo the eleventh commandment. Tho text is as follows:
"Emas rof yltpmorp teeyap noht
sslenn repap swen a claer ton tlahs
noht." The commandment is easily translate*.' by beginning at tho
end of the sentence and reading
backward.���Ex, LOWERY'S CLAIM
Hules of Health.
A famous New York physician,
now halo and handsome at 75, sums
np his half century of medical
practice ancl observation in these
simple rules of health:
1. Be temperate in all things, in
matters of amusement or study as
well as in regard to foods and
drinks. To be temperate in all
things, however, does not imply
that one must be a prohibitionist
about anything.
2. Don't be afraid to go to sleep,
for sleep is the best restorer of
wasted energies. Sleep a certain
number of hours every night, and
then remember that a short nap
during the day is a safer rejuvena-
tor than a cocktail.
3. Don't worry���ottuer about the
past or tho future, To waste a
single hour in regret for the past
is as senseless as tei send good
money after that which has been
irrecoverably lost. To fret one's
self about what the future may
have in store is aliout as foolish as
to attempt to brush back tiie tide
of the oceau with a broom. Worry
of whatever kind, banishes contentment, and contentment is a necessity eif youth.
*tf ���/
4. Keep the mind youthful; Live
in the present with all the other
young people. Don t get to be
reminiscent Let the old people
talk aliout the past, for the more
act of thinking about old things re ���
minds the mind of its years. Rein-
iniscenees are dangerous-���whether
they be Boothiug or sweet or sael-
for they characterize old age, and
must be sedulously avoided by those
who would be ever young.
5. Keep np with the times. Don't
fall behind the procession. To accomplish this, learn ono new fact
every day. Tho mind that is satisfied to live Opon the lessons it
learned iu its youth soon grows old
and musty. To keep young it must
bo fresh anel active- that is, abreast
with the times. The olel methods
of thought and the olel facts may
have lieen correct enough once upon a time, but that timo has passed.
Today they aro obsolete anel only
amusing relics of antiquity. Te remain young, therefore, one must
keep the storehouse of the memory
clear of all such rubbish. Throw
away one of the mildewed relics
every day and replace it with some
newer, fresher aud more up-to-date
Here, then, is this New York
physician's secret of perennial
youth in a nutshell:
great west. We knew him during
the summer of the boom in Rossland, and well remember how he
Be temperatel Don't be afraid! offered us his purse when a bus
to go to sleep! Don't worry! Keep! picion entered his upper stope that
the mind youthful 1 And--keepj we wore shy a few thousands. F��ir
up with tlte times! j some timo past he has been police
It is not a difficult rule of life to! magistrate in Butte, Montana, and
follow. It is ever so much easier; nearly every day establishes a pre-
than wandering about strange lands; cedent in the administration of jus-
in search of hidden springs. It is tice. The other day two women
somewhat pleasanter than stewing appeared in his Court who hail been
ovor ill-smelling crucibles. More- mixed up in a backyard hair-pullover, it has the advantage of being ing contest. Each of them claimed
thoroughly practicable, which that the other female started the
makes it worth trying. light,   and   finally one ex claimed:
43s ; "Judge Warren, if you dii not pun
ish this low, common woman, (jod
Pearls of Thought. will."   "That's the easiest  way
Weak people are either good or eut'ol^this tangle^ Let God punish
hcr. The case is referred to Him,"
said the general, lie WOuld not
coinpeu* against sueh a high court.
Sorroui of It.
"More,    trouble,"    sighed    Mc-
Nutty, putting ou Ids coat.    "It it
crafty.    Only strength is frank.
A lie is a disease ofthe will, and
hyprpcisy is a symptom
Only the strong man is honest���
only the healthy tell the truth.
The only wife who has her own
way, is the one who gives her husband his.
No woman can talk as charming
as she can look.
Fame is delightful, but as collateral it does not rank high.
The greatest doubter of the day
O *���
is an orthodox preacher. Ile doubts
the divinity of humanity. The
scientist is the man of faith.
No j y can be complete* apart
fiom a love that loves the whole*
woi .Ts }o\ better than any seper-
i!e j .*. t.i any single soul.
The onlv man who can really en-
joy an outing is the man who does
not need it.
Habit writes itself on the face,
anel the body isan autmatic recording machine.
To have a beautiful old age you
must live a beautiful youth, for we
ourselves are posterity, ancl every
man is his own ancestor.
Great men are delightful���but
only in books, They are too clever,
too assertive, too dogmatic, too
small to really live with. As a
steady diet they are worse than
second cousins.
aint one thing its another.
''What's the matter now?" queried his good wife.
"attoro labor troubles," answered
"Not another loekout, I lmpe,"
said the partner of his troubles.
"No, it's worse than that," answered the alleged head of the
house; "The boss has yielded and
I've g>t to go to work again."���t
Chicago News.
Boost or knock this journal.
Either will suit its editor.
The Hotel Slocan
the leading hotel  of the city.
Mountain trout and game elin-
ners a specialty. ��� Kooms
reserved by telegraph.
From the Philis-
A precedent Maker.
General Charles 8. Warren is one
of the most famous, picturesque,
original and generous men in the
HUGH NIVEN, Proprietor.
Cam    Tli AMI*   of   llilti-.li    Colombia
yOl    VKW> S-UK9KBT see-
Wadds Bros, Nelson, B. C.
Or^an^nteB. T^es
Garden, iiu-ltl ami flower seed*, cut tlowera
ami greenhouse plants.
Henry*i Greenhouse*, anel Kuriiertei
Vancouver, 11 C. tOWERY'S CLAIM
Thc Cora uest of Fernie
���F"**      ���$"*.      <F>       $-*       ��"*.       6~*S      eF*>      *$-*
By the Great Cinch.
Nothing much lias been on fire I elected them. Jn addition to their
lately in Fernie, except the coke Judasite tendencies thoir bungling
ovens,  although the populace are legislation this year has made them
still agitated over the water question.     Although the  majority of
fires in aud around that city of energy and calamity for the last 18
months bave evidently   been the
fruit of incendiarism the best an investigation could do was to arrest a
woman.    When brought beforo tho
Court sho was discharged without
even having to call a  witness in
her defence.    This**was a sad blow
at the efficiency of the investigating
committee, but about on a par with
other public affairs in Fernie.  Tho
city should hire a detective to ferret
out the evil doing in the burg, ancl
cease its persecution of innocent
The Crow's Nest Pass Coal Company, and its subsidary companies
which we have dubbed The Groat
Liuch, for the sake of brevity, has
a set of officers who, individually
and apart from the grasping cor-
paratiou they represent, are as
pleasant a group of gentlemen as
ever wore cuffs. They are affable,
smiling aud full of geniality when
off duty, but when rustlingfeed for
The (J.cat Cinch they become as
stern and unrelenting as a band of
redskins chasing a wagon train of
long-haired emigrants, With a
Shylockian exactitude they reach
out for all the monetary flesh in
the community, in the hopeless
task of appeasing the greed of the
the company that supplies them
with bread, butter, birds and cold
bottles. Iu doing so they blast the
peace of Fernie, blister the souls of
its inhabitants with the curse of
fear and slavery, and cause the
City Council to look to the outside
world like a pack of curs barking
for soup bones.
The persistent attempts of tbe
Fernie Council to play the Judas
and deliver thc city into the mau
of The Great Cinch is a disgrace to
the municipal history of the west,
and an indignant people should
long ago have tapped the hydrocephalus in their abortive legislators
aud relegated them to the oblivion
of private life. They cannot serve
another master and be true to the
qest interests of the ratepayers who
the josh of the country, except to
those who pay taxes in Fernie. A
band of Piutea would have displayed as much wisdom, if not inore,
in the conduct of civic affairs.
When the corner stone was laid
for the new offices of The Great
Cinch last summer no less than
three parsons prayed and invoked
the blot-sing of God upon the edifice
and it* occupants.      While such
ceremonies look silly to the scientific they also appear blasphemous
to the ti uiy religious.   Why should
God be rung up over the Methodist,
Presbyterian or any other line and
asked to bless a company that by
its actious is breeding hatred, fear,
bribery aud corruption in a people
wbo might under different treatment have less of the devil, and
more of the grace of God in their
hearts.    The Great Cinch, unless
it gets a change of heart, will never
reach the orthodeix  heaven,   ancl
parsons should spend their ozone
praying that all thc by-laws bo defeated next Monday."   Here is an
excellent chance to prove the efficiency of prayer and assist the people to throw off the chains of oppression put upon them by a grasping company, and a traitorous City
Council.    Vote against all the bylaws, and show the world that you
are uot slaves.
��S:  e
torummep Was CXlrong,
There wero but few of us in the
passenger coach as the train left
Indianapolis, and opposite me sat
a woman about 40 years of age.
From her severe expression I set
her down as a temperance fanatic
and a person who would scorn the
slightest favor at the hands of a
fellow traveler. Great was my
surprise, therefore, at the end of a
couple of hours, when she leaned
forward and queried:
"Young man might I ask if you
have any peppermint essence in
your grip?"
I replied that I was sorry that I
hadn't, and she resumed her bolt
upright position and nothing further was said for a quarter of an
hour.   Then she kindly asked:
"Young mau, do you carry the
ineaus to make a glass of lemonade
when you travel?"
I didn't. I was sorry for her
sake that I didn't, but as a matter
of fact I didn't care for lemonade.
She said it was j ist as well, and
another fifteeu minutes passed.
Then she sweetly said:
"Young mau, do you carry a
bottle of milk or cold tea?"
"No, ma'am.'*
"You do not carry any sort of
"Well���er���yon know "
"Young man," she continued as
she looked me straight in the eye,
"is it wine or whiskey?"
"Wine, ma'am."
"And I've sat here nearly three
hours and you haven't offer��Hl me
auy! Come over and let's have a
"As I sat down beside hor sho
said I might call her Aunt Polly,
and that her revere expression was
the result of a soft corn; and during the afternoon she beat mo
twelve games of euchre, and said
she'd adopt me if I hadn't three
boys already, and all older than I
was.���Rochester Democrat and
Paul Morton, when asked for his
philosophy of life, replied: "Did
you ever here the Western advice,
'so live your life each day that you
can at any timo look any damn
man in the eyes ancl tell him to go
to hell?' That's my philosophy of
Judging by Morton's acts of late,
ho should have added to the Western maxim: "You'll find mc there
waiting for you,
Blue I'ri/,-. Henry Vane, Colnuihun anel
Havana Ark Cigar* nr.* Union cigar*, made
by W. P. Kllbourne fr Co , Winning, and ttold
o.i the road by George Horton.
prints all the  news ol Southeast
Kootenay, and costs $2 a year.
It is one of the largest
papers in Canada.
* ���* i ��� .. ������
Notes Fr��om Calqairy.
Speaking of buying shares in
companies, let us tell the Calgary
people something that will perhaps
wake them up.
In tho course Of a chat with the
representative of the Montreal Star,
who was visiting Calgary last week,
the subject of Muuroe & Munroe's
wireless hot air company came up.
This gentleman told us that in
Winnipeg the dupes of this outfit
aro up in arms, Munroe & Munroe
having maelo a tremendous killing
there, anel that there is very strong
likelihood of these ingenious gen-
tlemen lieing brought back to Winnipeg to answer certain ejnestions.
The Star man said that this in
probably tho most stupendous
swindle that has ever been perpetrated on the people of Western
The fact that the Canadian Bank
��� of Commerce is advertising in Glasgow, Scotland, for 50 junior clerks
for their Canadian branches at the
princely salary of ��50 a year, is
but another sign of our growing
time. We aro pleased to note that
our Canadian young men are evidently above and beyond the $250 a
year mark, established by this well
known financial institution. It
might be of interest to our trades
and labor councils to encjuire why
this great and wealthy Institution
can have the nerve to expect intelligent, educated young nvm, of ir
reproachable character, t. work f*-i
a miserly figure that a pick at *'.
shovel Russian or Dago would
scorn to consider. What would
we think e>r one of our merchants
or manufacturers who would advertise in the olel country for clerks
or mechanics at one third of the
regular price*? What a howl of indignation would go up, especially
from the labor unions, and justly-,
too. What is se��ab conduct in one
employer of labor, is just the same
in another.
In one of the Southern States
last week a Methodist preacher antl
his two sons wero sentenced to be
hanged for murdering another
preacher and his whole family,
whilo his third son was sentenced
to state's pnson for life. They nacl
a hard time saving his daughter
from going to the pen also. Wo mention this absolutely true fact in order to offset some nasty remarks
which were made about the Eye
Opener last week by a religious
paper in town. There has not been
a single editor sentenced to be
hanged for over a month.
In the presence of a large congregation, Rev. Kirby delivered a
sermon last Sunday night so full of
coarse suggestions,- and of such a
spectacular character, as to provoke
much adverse comment among
those present, not to say downright
Here is a typical extract from his
sermon, produced verbatim:   "The
community was shocked the other
day by the arrest of some forty-live
women  from  Harlot's avenue in
our city.    Do you know what the
presence of these women means to
the   coining   generation?     Every
child   has a right to be well bom.
Some men  take mo e care of their
pedigreed  steick  than   they  do of
their families.    There are men in
our streets afflicted  with diseases
thai will peiison the stream of our
national life and bring children into the world handicapped for life.
If such eliseases  were to break out
among the cattle in our ranges the
government would order them shot
and buried so deeply that neither
the coyote*s nor the crows could get
at  their   reeking   carcases.    Is a
healthy man of not more value than
a dumb brute*?"���Eye Opener
Wise and Othetuxiise,
Some husbands never know how
in.i h they are beloved until their
wives want a new hat.
'I iu* man who saitl the \>en was
mightier than the sword must have
witnessed a French duel.
Look after the pennies���your
wife will see that the dollars don't
get away from you.
Some women are born bargain
hunters, others contract the* habit
at the age of three or four.
The man who is always giving
pointers on how to manage a wife
can usually bo found in the wool-
shed after supper smoking his evening cigar.
When a man's hat won't iit him
in the morning it is not always a
sign that he's been out with the
beiys the night before. He may
have got the best of an argument
with his wife.���Columbus Dispatch.
Merit Everywhere.
Frederick Law Olmsted, who
holds the chair of landscape archi
tecture at Harvard, visited Philadelphia recently to make an address on the subject of citv parks.
During his visit Mr. Olmsted
dined at a Walnut street club, and
ho citcel during dinner a certain
elevated tract on the Baltimore
estate, of which ho is landscape
"This tract," he said, "would
be beautiful for some purposes,
hideous for othei-s. Everything is
like that���good for some things,
bad for some others. Thus, if we
use our minds, we can utilize nearly everything���can put nearly
everything to some good uso.
"All kind has thoir merits," as
an old Georgia colored man onco
"Some one hui asked this colored man what breed of chickens was
the lest.
"All kinds has the*ir merits," he
replied, "de white* ones is de easiest
found and do dahk ones is de easiest hid after you gits 'em."
Dan Mann's Choice.
There is a rumor that among the
next batch of honors his majesty
King Edward distributes on his
birthday in November, William
Mackenzie, of Kirkfioid, railway
builder, will be created a knight.
His partner, Dan Mann, is equally
well entitled to recognition, but
Dan would a mighty sight rather
have a night of the old times at
1 limit River than all the sir knight
���iiliesthat Laurier could pull for
him from now till tloomsday.���
llobcaygeon Independent.
IN   io  AND 20 ACRE
For sale on easy terms.
J. E. ANNABLE, Nelson, B. C.
Sharpe & Irvine
Real Estate and Insurance Agents
Sure Cure for thc Evils
Of Booze and Betting.
Much time, money and energy
has been expended during the past
hundred years by prohibition people in a vain effort to stamp out the
booze habit. Laws have been passed almost without number, the
land has been filled with oratory
against looking at the rye when it-
was yellow in the glass, and Carrie
Nation has tried to kill it with an
axe, but in spite of all these things
topers, still prospect, the snake
country, and the fizz of the Collins
sings in the early morning hours,
while the demon rum stalks through
the formation blowing holes in
many a happy home, mingling
tears with blood, and causing thousands of feminine hearts to quiver
with agojy as they watch their
loved ones slowly sink into the hell
beneath the shrine of Bacchus. It-
is terrible, even when you calmly
contemplate the awful results of an
unchaiincd thrst. Damned alive,
and tortured by the unsleeping red
imps from Satan's summer home
must always be the man who cannot take a drink and then let it
alone. His fitful life is full of
fever, a little heaven at night ancl
a big hell in the morning.
However, tie remedy for all evil
is freedom, the booze habit included. Make whiskey free, and in less
than a decade there would not boa
drunkard   in   all   this   beauteous
-S~>      eF">      6r*      eS-j      6-j      ,5-j      cF^s      cr"*?
ball keeps on whirling. There is
little harm in gambling until it is
carried to excess, and then the devotee finds he is on the downhill
grade with the brakes shot to pieces,
ancl the auto groaning with velocity.
When a man becomes so imbued
with tho gambling mania that he
will sit up all night pushing beans
across any colored cloth, dreaming
when he sleeps about holding five
aces or turning a blackjack every
time he deals, his wife might as
well pack up and go back to mother.
She has little chance of ever getting
another hat, especially in Kootenay
where millinery is so high, until
her hubby rids himself of the delusion that thc way to get rich is to
look wise behind a short-haired
flush  and   bet   his   monev   like a
chappie buying wine at a mining
camp "opening."
The way of the gambler is harel
aud the wage* arc usually broken
nerves, holey pockets, a reputation
covered with soot, IOU's, and
perhaps a few white chips as sou*
venirs. When a man breaks away
from tho hypnotism of the check
rack ho is almost sure to believe in
his own. And all this while
mothers pace the floor seeking aur-
crease freim sorrow by praying to a
God who since tbe world began has
never once changed the immovable
laws of nature to please those whose
hearts were breaking. All this
while sweet wives, perhaps in rooms
that are cold, count the leaden
though youthful hours of the new
day and tremble with awful fear
that some night their idol will lie
brought homo shot full of red holes
for reaching into a refrigerator anel
springing a deck that is frozen.
The agony of waiting, for the woman who loves, is misery denuded
of all foreign matter.
The gambling mania cannot lie
em red by praying, preaching or
legislation. It can only bo cured
by absolute freedom, and *an enel-
less supply of money*, and the sooner this is recognised the sooner will
its evil side pass away. Put
gambling implements in every
houso in the land, give every ineli-
vidal a bank account that has no
end, and in four days there would
not be a gambler in all this earthly
sphere of animated nature. For
the sake of humanity  we  would
like to see the experiment trieel.
Any person can easily see that it
won hi put the Goddess of Chance
in a hearse, the tin horn in heaven,
dry   the   tears   upon   millions of
that celebrated   remark   Solomon\pretty faces, and make joy sweep
made about thc girls.
Gambling destroys joy. p.*ace,
goodwill, health, morals and bank
accounts, when taken iu too large
closes.    Then  it  makes asla\e of
land, and freaks like Carrie Nation the amateur, and a social outcast
would be tramping the road with of the professional gambler. So,
Othello. To bring about this great j young chap, beware of the poker
alcoholic reform it will be necessary game when it looks geioei to yem,
to havc largo reservoirs of w.dskey for in the end it will put you on the
in overy town, and a system of hike, and shnlllo the gray through
pipes to carry it into every houso, your curly or straight hair,
with plenty of fountains on the For centuries parsons, reformers
streets so that anyone at any time ancl writers have hurled light and
could drink all he wanted. The heavy missiles at the Goddess of
introduction of such a system into j Chance with results that assay only
our modern civilization would in- a trace of progression. The shifty
crease funerals for a few clays, but old humbug still sits upon her
it would not lie long before its efli- j green throne while all around
cacy in killing the drink evil would j slaves can be seen going through
be plainly seen. For the benefit of their devotions by shooting craps,
future generations it is worth try-; peeping at the hole cards, buying
iug. wheat 0:1 margin, calling the turn,
The love of chance is inherent in drawing  to   bobtails,   tossing the
the human family, and there are
few  who do not gamble  in somo
cubes, drawing to 16,  bucking the
wheel, playing Swede bank or -ome
way, from shaking the dice at a of the other myriad ways in which
church fair to shoving a stack of j man prays that he may cop the
blues on the red while the little I other chap's dough without losing
through tho land like a baud eif
angels at a country editor's funeral.
A few other evils might lie cured
along similar line's but we refrain
from clipping any further into the
A Stfinqent Cure.
A Memphis man has discovered
a new way to get rid of mosquitoes.
He says to rub alum on your face
ancl hands. When the mosquito
takes a bite it puckers his buzzer
so it cant sting. It sits down in a
damp place, tries to dig tho pucker
loose catches its death ol cold anel
die*s of pneumonia. ��� Ex.
If you are troubled with flies
twenty drops of carbolic aciel evaporated from a hot shovel will banish them quicker than all the sticky
fly paper manufactured. A small
piece of camphor gum held over a
lamp will do the work equally well.
A millinery opening must have
been a terror to Solomon. tOWERY'S CLAIM
f^oast on Iiauison.
While roasting August Heinze
Frenzied Finance Lawson touched
up P. A. O Farrell by dubbing him
"a journalistic outcast living on
his wits." CFarrell is Irish and
he gets even with Lawson by
printing tho following in the Spokane Outburst:
"Fakir and mountebank are the
two epithets that best become
Thomas W. Lawson, of Boston.
He has been a tin-horn gambler
and a tout for some of the most ex-
jiert swindlers of the age, and since
Lawson began manipulating atock
markets Hs ono end and aim has
been to too) investors and specula*
tors ancl separate them from their
monev. The enmity of such a man
is something to bo proud of. The
Standard Oil people hired Lawson
to slander and abuse ancl flim-flam
Heinze*, of Montana, and they le*el
him to believe that millions would
be his if he succeeded in blasting I
Hninxo's name antl filching his
property. For seven years he
stooped to the lowest depths of infamy in his war on Heinze and his
associate's, and his utter failure has
driven him insane. The Standard
Oil got disgusted with Lawson for
his failure, and the now disappointed fakir exhibits his sores and
wounds to all the world, aud spews
his falsehood and vemon against
the very men whoso genius has en-
abled him t ��� inflict terrible defeat
ou the* gamblers of Wall Street and
Heinze needs no defense from
Lawson's slanders in the great
Northwest, His name is one to
conjure  with out  bore.     Indeed,
Lawson, till he has made the name
of Lawson stink in the nostrils of
honest men.
deaden the brain, place the affections in abeyance and bring the
beast to the surface.
Hence Lawson's fiendish hatred j    it 800n ^^      plea8nre__a
and insane abuse of C. W. Barron.Uatisfaction, and serves Abridge
��! *"�� f rV/n m^Clf Per8��r! over a moment of nervousness or
ally, I need say little.   No journal- embarrassment.
ist who is faithful to his trust, and
Lawson s outpouring of calumny the fiend about it and he will smile
against Heinze rings the death
knell of his faking in the great
mining regions cf the west. In
Boston ami New York Lawson is
known. There aro fearless ancl
able journalists in both cities who
have torn the mask of cant and
hypocracy olT Lawson's brazen
brow, and have held him up to the
contempt of honest men.
Foremost among theso great
journalists stands C. W Barron, of
Boston, a man whom all the power
and wealth of Standard Oil could
not brow-beat or wheedle. While
many of the great daily newspapers
of New York and Boston were silenced by enormous advertising from
Lawson, C. W. Barron kept exposing   swindle  after   swindle by
who at all times puts the mirror up
to Nature and paints men ancl
things just as they are can hope to
escape cal muny from such as Law-
son. Still I must admit that be
has a picturesque side, mountebank
ancl fakir though he be. A confessed swindler, fraud and liar, and
yet he thinks the great American
pubiie* aro so gullable that it will
make a hero of the most monumental financial mountebank the
world has ever seen.
The moro I analyze Lawson,
anel the more I study his record
ancl records, the more thoroughly I
am convinced that his mental balance is completely overthrown, and
that the margin is extremely slight
that separates him from the jibber-
ings of a raving maniac.
The Cigarette Fiend.
Elbert Hubbard has assayed the
cigarette fiend, and we print a few
extracts from his article upon the
If you want a man who will train
on, llee the cigaretist as you would
a pestilence*.
Never advance the pay of a cigarette smoker ���never promote him���
never depend on him to carry a roll
to Gomez, unless you are willing to  J^g  /V\cDOfialcl
lose the roll. '
For the cigarette habit, no argument can  possibly be made.    Ask
Next, it becomes a necessity of
life, a fixed habit.
The fiend dreams over his work,
dawdles indefinitely, picks things
up and lays them down.
He invariably discovers that
cleverness, trickery, astuteness ancl
untruth are good substitutes for
frankness, sympathy and plain,
common honesty.
The difference between mine and
thine is s very hazy line to the
cigarettest���meum and tuum are
not in his lexicon���larceny ancl lying are sprouts that grow from the
same soil.
The man who quits the cigarette
vice must discover his owu folly.
Tbe trouble is iu his brain, and
there is no salvation outside of himself.
The choice between cigarettes
anel daily doses of cocaine, morphine or bromide is very slight���all
and each lead downward to the
Place no confidence in the cigarette fieud. Love him if you can,
pity him if you will, but give him
no chance to clutch you with his
nicotine fingers, and drag you beneath the wave.
Simpson Co.
a silly, supercilious smile out of
his gamboge face and feel for his
cigarette box.
Cigarette smoking is not periodic
���it is continuous���a slow, insidious, sure poison.
Cigarette smoking begins with
an effort to be smart.
For the young man who has
grown so calloused that lie smokes
cigarettes in the presence of his
mother, sister or sweetheart, there
is little hope. Hope is only for the
youth who is ashamed of his lapses.
The cigarette smoker is not a degenerate because he smokes cigarettes. Quite often he is a cigarette
smoker be^cause he is a degenerate.
Cigarettes stupify the conscience,
Wholesale Commission Merchants &
Manufacturers' Agents.
The Lumsden Roller Mills
The Wapella Roller Mills
Lever Brothers "Sunlight Soap"
Dal ton Brothers 'Dish-towel," Soap
The Vogel Packing Co.
The Baltimore Lime M'f'g Co.
The Manitoba Canning Co.
The W. & R. Jacob Co., Ltd.,
Biscuit. Manufacturers
The Guelph Foundry Co., Ltd.
The "Armur" Co., Ltd.
The Moyie Mill & Lumber Co.
The Hygiene Kola Wine Co.
Fruit ancl Produce of all kinds
Correspondence Solicited.
P. 0. Box 363. Calgary, Alta. io
The Citu Maelstrom
I5v J. P. Aimstrong.
Stroll through any ordinary
thoroughfare of any of the large
American cities and if you posses
observing eyes you cannot help to
perceive the unending processiou
of human wrecks.
Not alcohol-crazed, but nerve-
wrenched anel bloodless automatons, whose capacities for physical
and intellectual en joy meu t have
lieen atrophied by the tread-mills
of modern industrial and commercial Btrentiosity.
Each municipal malestrom is being constantly fed by the inn timer-
able iron-clad arteries from the
hay-making districts, with new
victims, yet no words of warning
are shouted by the lookou a on the
towers of Israel. (Divorce is too
absorbing a topic just now.)
In thc midst of the general pandemonium of screeching and thundering street cars, crashing, banging
of steam railroad stock and deafening tooting of locomotive whistles
a young farmer is hustled into this
whirlpool out of which he expects
to come to the surface with a coffer I openings  for  young
eS"*s       -5"**       -ff"^       eg"**       ���$">       S^s       cF^      cg^
their sires, but mount spring seats
behind spirited horses and tako
pleasant jaunts afield listening to
the warbling love notes of the
feathered tribes. Tho sky overhead is no longer brazen, for a fine
overshadowing canvas canopy preserves the driver from sunburn.
Ah, but the distant dilirium,
echoing from the soot curtaini*el
metropolis, has tempted the rustic
to invade its stifling envoirnment
to get a job ancl imitate the chappies who swing canes and talk
He continues to look woefully at
his pocket book and finds it growing more anel moro emaciated*,
wrinkled and hungry.
One day ho looked at his last
quart* r of a dollar ancl a tear washed the face of the Goddess of Liberty, the first ablution in many
years. He still remembered his
gold watch and blessed the pawn
"Work everywhere! What a
shame to grumble at the glorious
filled with gold and diamond**, but
invariably he finds himself groping
through the blinding bacterium-
whirl with pockets empty and
hands outstretched for charily.
The myiiad wind i ved r ��o ning
house opens its portals to is -. miasmatic little dens, tn Hii- hrave
young  man, who  leaves the farm
many of tliese are made by the pick
and shovel by men who can thrive
on garlic, black bread and wine
Thc young farmer tries bis hand
at dish washing, street cleaning,
peddling, canvassing, ami unconsciously drops into politics, but one
evening ho discovers to his utmost
horror ho had unthinkingly parted
to taste thc intoxication of disease
saturated elust, pjice endless stone, with his self-respect.
walks, stare at frowning sky-scrap-1     From "politics" to "swamping"
ers and listen   to thc rattlcy-batig  is only one step and he took it, ior
of a thousand distracting sounds.' financial  stringency   humbles the*
The countless  restaurants with  proudest spirit,
their hissing,  fizzing and smoking !     "Damn  it,  young fellow, your
ranges invite the newcomer to chal-j whining   aliout    being    'hard-up'
lenge his appetite with new fangled i makes  ine tired!    I've cleaned up
messes, warranted to make a man  twenty thousand  dollars this sum
or   chronic   dyspeptic   within ten
Days pass without material benefit and from time the young indus
nier, said a real estate sharp,
whose oflice was placarded with
scriptural quotations such as "Love
thy neighbor as thy self." "If
trial feels the weight of his pocket! thine   enemy   hunger,   feed  him.
book and finds it growing rapidly
lighter. He decides to eat less aud
rustle harder.
On the up-to-date farm machinery has softened the horny hand
of the toiler. The rising generations no longer twist their spine
cradling, sickling and reaping like
Fear dwelleth in the bosom of
fools." "Words fitly spoken aro
like apples of gold in pictures of
silver." (This last ono, his unfailing source of revenue.)
"Go to it, be blooded, stick out
your shingle ancl gather in the
���rhino'!     Be smooth, cunning aud
persistent, put lots of bait on your
hook and tho Bnckers will fight
each other to get a snap at it."
But the young man was too
honest to listen to this mellifluous
advice and he continued to
"swamp" out tho droppings of a
"licensed vitualler's rendezvous."
In a brief time he learned to liko a
dizzy brain and ouo clay a largo
throng of uiiniiuisterini looking
gentlemen came to blows.
They were the city's horde of
solemn faced undertakers, fighting
for the possession of the remains of
the young farmer, because thc* city
pays twenty dollars tei the man
who buries its wreckage in the
potter's field.
Should Have Sat Gloser
In these days of many divorces
a man should bo careful about
whom he mairies���at least careful
enough to seo that he doesn't remarry a woman from whom he has
been divorced. That happened to
a man in Montana recently He
fell in love, proposed anel was accepted by a woman from whom he
had been divorced twenty-three
years before, but eliel not kuow it
until after the wedding.���Los Angeles Times.
Thought She Had Twins
Just Outside of Berlin a crowd of
Somerset young foiks on their way
to Whitehorse was attracted by the
bawling of a cow whose evil f ha tl
got down over an embank ment. The
calf was returned tei its mother's
sielo and one of the young men was
telling his girl how the cow actually lickcel his hand in gratitude
when she told him that it wasn't
gratitude at all; tho cow only
thought she had twins.���Me��yers-
dale (Pa.) Commercial.
F. F. Ll
{j   perfume the ozone by   ��
smoking a
Mainland Cigar
ixxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: ������
LOWERY'S claim
Remarks by Guy Heed.
Curtains have saved more than
one reputation.
Equal opportunities make a hero
of one mau and an ass of another.
If mem were serpents the woods
would be full of snake charmers.
Heathen are peoplo who waste
no time fighting over religion.
Liquor sometimes gets the best
of a fellow even after he gets it
When it comes to making a long
story short thc editor's blue pencil
is a peach.
The marriageable age of women
is anywhere between 10 and death.
Were fools silent they might pass
for wise.
Thousands have fought ovcr religion wdio never practiced it.
Corrupt legislation is sometimes
a true index eif corrupt public
Human nature always shows to
better advantage at a dog fight
than at a prayer meeting.
"Say," enquired a smart Alec of
an urchin on the street corner the
other day, "can you tell me who
made you, Johnnie?"
*'Now, just cut that out," rc-
torte��eljthoyoungster, "that question
has caused hell enough at home al-
Cnouuded Out.
A Baptist and a Methodist minister wore by accident dining at the
same house. As they took their
seats there was an embarrassing
pause*, the hostess not kneiwing
how  tei ask  one  minister  to say
grace without offending the other.
The small son quickly grasped
the situation, and, half rising in
his chair, moved his finger rapidly
around the table, reciting, "Euy
mene miny mo, catch a nigger by
the toe." Hi ended by pointing
his finger at the Baptist minister
and shouting4* You're it!"-��� Ladies'
Home Journal.
"This custom of having two telephones in the oflice has its disadvantages, too," said the business
man. 4<We've got a new oflice
boy, ancl one of his duties is to
answer the telephone.   The other
day he heard the bell ring, and,
coming to me, said: 'You're wanted at the 'phone by a lady.' "
"Which one?" I enquired, thinking of the 'phones, of course.
��� 'Please sir, '��� stammered the boy,
"I- I���I think it's your wife."���
Portland Express.
fl Ptroof of Wisdom.
The following anecdote is being
told of Miss Helen Gould, who recently entertained at luncheon a
party of young girls. Afterwards
Miss Gould showed the children
about her house, pointing out somo
of its interesting contents. "This,"
she said, stopping before a bronze
iu tho hall, "is a statute of Minerva."    "Was she married?'' ask-
teacher: "Do you think I can ever
do anything with my voice?"
The professor very cautiously replied: "Well, it may come in
handy in case of fire."���New York
Just Liike Ftfank.
Port Oxford evidently is a very
windy place. A gentleman just
from there reports that last week
the wind blew a sheep up against
a barn 20 feet from the ground,
and held it there four days until it
starved to death. ���Drain, (Ore.,)
Much the Same.
4 'Did you ever visit a race track?''
......     . .    ..... ,       " asked the inquisitive person.
��l a l.ttleg..K  'Hh.no u,y dear,"      ,.N   ���   ^M    ^     ^
rolled M.** Gould.    "Ton know      t    ',,b���t �� oncc metafoc
Minerva was Goddess of Wisdom." : f.. ........i. ^n u��� ^�� ,i ~
���Harper's Weekly.
So fllueh Uike Nelson.
"But you  aro always bothered
with poor light, are you?" inquired
the complaint clerk  at thc electric j less journalistic prostitute.    It has
light station. ! not the courage to say in its own
"Oh,   no,   not always," replied !columns who owns or edits it.    It
the quiet citizen. is just a blotched  rag flapping as
"Ah!    I thought so; it's only at the Coal Co. pulls the rope,  and is
in a dark alley who relieved mo of
my    hard-earned    coin.���Chicago
The Fernie Free Press seems to
have become a blurred and nerve-
certain  times that you   notice it,
"Yes; only after dark."���Philadelphia Ledger.
fiOnMjnion Hours.
"Why did that walking-delegate
resign his church membership?"
44He lost faith in his creator."
"How was that?"
"Well, he heard the preacher say
that tho Lord made the world in
six days. And he asked if they
wero eight hour clays and the
preacher said no he didn't think so.
So he got mad and loft."���Ex.
LUhy He is Healthy.
Lord Roberts attributes his unvaried good health to a habit of
early rising. Every morning, summer and winter, he is up punctually at ten minutes to 6. However
late he may retire he always gets
up at that hour. The veteran
soldier does not smoke, ancl touches
wine but seldom.
She Was Put Out.
A Sedalia, Mo., girl, who is taking  singing    lessons,   asked  hor
a disgrace to independent journalism. Its influence is nil as slaves
cannot utter an unbiased opinion.
Thev must bow as their master
crooks their necks.
has tho largest Stock of Pipes, To-
haceoes, Cigars and Smeikers'
Sundries in the interior
of B. C.
Mail Or 'era Receive Prompt Attention
J. BARBER, L. D. S. D. D. S.
The Hotel Dallas
Is thc home for commercial tourists in that
city.   The appointments of this hotel are
eciualleei hy few in the great west.    It is
heated hy steam, the dining sprvloe
is exc -Hent and every guest receives courteous treatment.
To the Old Bachelors
liv C A. Winclle. ^    r>  ��^
eS^J      -6"^
August 16th tho Central Illinois
Bachelors' Association gave a picnic at Nokomis. Thero were about
15,000 people in attendance. C.
A. Windle was invited to deliver
the principal address. Below is a
verbatum report of his speech:
Mr. Chairman, Ladies and Gentlemen: Mr. Todd, ex-president
of this association, who preceded
me, took exception to the term
"bachelor girl," and challenged
any one to state the difference between an old maid and a bachelor
girl. He says there is no distinction. He is mistaken. A bachelor
girl is an unmarried lady, old or
young. An old maid���well, an
old maid is an unmarried woman
that has been made a loug time.
This is the first picnic of the kind
I ever attended.    Methuselah dodged death and the tax   collector
960 years and  never attended a
picnic like this.    In this whirling,
dazzling age,  with so much to interest and entertain, one cau afford
to live the brief span allotted to
man as an  old bachelor.    In the
days of Methuslah it was different.
Nine  hundred   and   sixty   years
would have been  a long time to
trot in single harness.    Marriage
was about the only source of haj-
piness the ancients had.    As a rub
one woman was not euougb.    Like
R ��c��sevelt they wore all oppoml to
race suicide.    Marriage was not a
failure.    It was a picnic to raise
large families.    Their women were
not like the Irish lady Teddy met
on hi-* trip to the Northwest.    Bhe
brought her whole  family  to see
the President.    There were nineteen in the herd, and they reminded one of stair steps beginning with
the babe in her arms and running
up to a strapping young man who
was about as big as Jim Jeffries.
Roosevelt greeted Mrs.   Hooligan
with one of hiB patent smiles which
exposed his whole ivory front, and
said:   "Delighted!    I am de-lighted to see you.    Are these all your
children,   or   is   this   a   picnic?"
Looking the President squarely in
the eye she  replied:    "I'll   give
yese to understaud, Mr. President,
that they are all my childer and
its no picnic aither*"   You could
never convince her that marriage
was a failure any more tban you
could the Jew who, when asked if
marriage was a failure, replied: "If
you get a rich vife it ish almost as
good as a failure." They are going to hang a man in Chicago for
proving that marriage was not a
failure. He shared tbe fortunes of
forty widows. Hock tried to make
Brigham Young look like 30 cents,
and had the law let him alone he
intended to eclipse the record of
Solomon aud many of the patriarchs of old. Ar. Irishman who
had read the Bible tried to describe
one of the heroes whose history it
records, but forgetting his name
referred to the worthy as the "Gin-
tleinin who had twenty wives and
forty porcupines." Tho Lord had
the right idea. He said that it was
not good for man to be alone, but
had he made more than one wife
for Adam there would have been
hell "in the shade of the old apple
tree," long before the devil got in
his graft.
A good many Bible characters
remind me of the roan who was arraigned before a justice of the peace
on a chat go of bigamy. The judge
looked in his law book and found
that a bigamist was a man who had
! wo wives. According to the evidence in the case the prisoner at
liar had seven wives. Tho State's
Attorney was congratulating himself on the prospect of conviction,
when the Judge dismissed tho defendant, and turning to the prosecutor, said: "This man is not guilty
of bigamy, though he is guilty of
This disease is not uncommon in
this country, but only the genuine
Mormon has the courage to acknowledge more than one mother-
in-law. I have often thought
many old bachelors were frightened from Hymen's altar by the horrible things one hears about the
mother-in-law. I heard of a mother-in-law once who bit her tongue
off in a rag chewing match with
her daughter's husband. They hurried the piece with military honors
in the back yard. Ten years later,
while spading around the fellow
dug it up and it called him a liar.
I heard of another mother-in-law
who, when engaged in a rag chew
ing match was in the habit of calling a spade a spade, when she
didn't call it "a damned old
shovel." One day she took sick
and they called the doctor. I
think it was the wife who sent for
the medicine man. The son-in-law
was a two hundred pounder. The
sick woman was a weak, weazened,
dried up soul about tho size of a
cracklin, with a voice like a buzz
saw and a temper like aquafortis.
The doctor examined her pulse*,
took a peek at her tongue, and,
turning to the son-in-law, said:
"Thia poor woman is very sick. I
am afraid vou will havo to send
her to a warmer climate." Bursting iuto tears he lied from the
house, but returned almost immediately with a meat axe, and
handing it to the doctor said, with
a voice trembling with emotion:
44Doc, you hit her, I can't " Now
don't lot such stories discourage
you. Nine times emt of ten if you
get a good wife you will have a
good mother-in-law.
When 1 heard that you had or-
ganizoj an old bachelors' association in this community, and re-
eeived vour invitation to deliver an
address on this occasion, many
strange and curious thoughts passed through my mind. When I
arrived on the grounds today I expected to greet a vast multitude of
my bachelor friends and a lot of
ancient paintings, interspersed with
a few self-made women. Some
women, you know, aro fearfully
and wonderfully made. I imagined that only in a community where
this type of woman prevailed would
bachelors havo the nerve to organize a union. I see at a glance
that I was mistaken. I find here*
before me the largest company of
the best-looking women that 1 ever
saw anywhere in my life. Likewise and also a splendid aggregation of bachelors to match.
While I am here on tho invitation of the Central Illinois Bachelors' Association, for tho Hie of me
1 can seo no earthly excuse for its
existence. 1 am afraid in selecting
me to deliver tho speech here today your committee made a horrible mistake. I have the will and
if I had the capital I would like to
start a match factory on this
ground, and make your secretary,
Jesse Grilliu, general manager.
While President Roosevelt and I
do not agree politi��-ally, we both
believeiu "infantindustry." This, LOWERY'S CLAIM
gentlemen, is one industry in which
no trust has been formed, and nobody, thank God, has a monopoly
of the business. There seems to be
a strong resemblance between a
trust and a baby. Nearly everybody damns them until they get
one of their own.
Speaking of trusts reminds me
that this is the age of trusts. These
hydra-headed monsters of pillage
aiid plunder, grab aud graft are
trying to ruu the government,
monopolize commerce, dictate laws,
anel dominate tho courts.
In the face of this condition of
things there is little encouragement
for any man to get married and
raise a family. It is wrong for us
to permit a few men to monopolize
progress, prosperity and opportunity, thus making it possible for
nine-tenths of the children born into this world to become industrial
slaves. Unless checked these monopolies will coin their heart's blood
into gold, and the futuro citizen of
this country will be compelled to
exchange his proud badge of sovereign citizenship for the brass tag of
a soulless trust. I rejoice when I
see a man liko William Randolph
Hearst bring tho arrogant coal
trust to its knees. I threw up my
hat when I saw Roosvelt dehorn
the beef trust, by having its head
odicials indited like common criminals. I was delighted when Tom
Lawson, the reformed pirate, turned State's evidence against his
former pals, as venal a crew of buccaneers as ever scuttled a rival
commercial ship, or slit the throat
of decent government. To one and
all, I say, in the language of tbe
immortal Billy Shakspeare, "Lay
ou, McDuff, and damned belie who
lirst cries hold, enough!"
While trusts by extortion make
living expensive, thero is no economy in bachelorhood. From an
economic point of view, it is far
easier to get along with a wife than
without one. An old bachelor who
can prosper in this monopoly ruled
age, is a bird, whether ho cau show
any pin feathers or not. It is the
most difficult thing in the world, I
am told, to make a mash ancl escape for less than the price of an
Easter bonnet. Do you remember
what that "bird and cold bottle"
cost the last time you were in
Chicago? Maybe* it was in St.
Louis or New York! So much the
worse for you. Tho money wo
squauder ou  the side as bachelors
would keep in luxury the most extravagant woman in the country.
Some people marry 'because it is
contagious. Others because they
cannot work in single harness.
But most of us get married because
we accidentally fell in love and
couldn't fall out. When you fall
out marriage becomes a failure.
Darwin in the country.
The intelligent man marries to
get a life partner, one that will
share his joys and sorrows, and
there is no man who cannot be
made better by the life companionship of a good woman. But in that
partnership no man expects his
wife to be the boss.    He wants to
There are only two classes of I lie the general manager.    He likes
�� * ���    ���*��� * . a^ma i    - *���> - -
men who shouldn't marry. Those
hopelessly afflicted with some incurable malady, and the dude
specie, to which belong what is
known a$ "sissy men." One of
these weak sisters entered a room
at a prominent Chicago hotel the
other night in his night gown, and
asked some gentlemen engaged in a
poker game for a wine glass of
water. Ho returned aud had it
filled six different times, when one
��f the men invited him to join in
the game. Our little sister declined. He thanked them antl
said: "I would liko very much to
join you, and it is awfuily sweet of
you to ask me, but I haven't got
time, the lace curtains in my room
are on fire."
Another member of this simpering, cane-sucking tribe entered a
saloon  on  Clark  street the other
day, and approaching the  bar like
a peacock  walking a barbed wire
fence,   said:    "Please   concoct   a
lemonade   for   me   ancl    havo   it
sweet."    He drank seven, heaving
a sigh after each concoction, rolling
his eyes like a dying calf.    Finally
the bartender said:   "What's the
matter with you, are you in trouble?" 4T was in a heap of trouble
this noon, but I got even with him,
so   I   did."    "Even   with who,"
said the bartender;   "tell us about
if"    "Well,"  replied  the   sissy,
"when I went homo today I caught
a man  kissing  my  wife.     But I
fixed  him."    He paused and the
man behind the bar thinking that
murder had been done, with much
suppressed   excitement   asked  feir
further particulars.    After gasping
liko a sick kiten the other continued:   "When   I  saw  that horrible
creature  kissing my  dear wife, I
seized his umbrella, broke it over
my  knee and said,   'Now there, 1
hope  it rains.' "    Breeding such
cattle is a crime.    Tlieir highest
ambition is to attend piuk teas, and
officiate at dog dinners and monkey
banquets.   Their presence is living
proof of the Darwinian theory.    If
it were not for such cattle there
would   be very   few   deciples of
the head of tho table.    He does
not hanker for a job all over the
house.    He expects to stand in the
fore front of battle.    When he returns each night from the war he
expects to be received as a hero,
not as a holio.    He wants to see
the queen of his heart and home
neat and  clean,   wearing a smile,
like Sunny Jim, that won't come
off.    Ho likes to   to tell her the
story of his struggle with fate. The
monstrous deals he is about to put
through; how ho will make his opponent at the election or his competitor in  business   look  like 30
cents.    If she be wise, she will sit
like Desdemona listening   to the
Moor, ancl admit that that he is a
hell  of a  feller.    When it comes
her turn to talk she will have little
to say of the horrible condition of
married women, but  will wax eloquent over the wretched condition
of old maids, ancl punctuate every
sentence  with a hug ancl a kiss.
The next day that man  will go to
his work, whatever it may be, with
the spirit of an Alexander, resolve I
for her sake to conquor or die.
There is in this world many
wonderful things. Crystal rivers,
mountains wearing eternal coronets of snow, tha oceans and continents, the sun ridiug in majesty
through its pathway of stars, his
resplendent robes trailing like
burnished gold over land and seas.
The age itself in which we live is
one of miracle, but of all the wonderful creatures of man and his
creator, thero is nothing grander,
more valuable, or more wonderful
than the true woman. Her price
is far above rubies.
Once man loses faith in womau,
ho will never marry.
Woman, wife, mother! These
three degrees complete the magic
circle in which she lives, moves
and has her being and glory.
When it comes to getting married, be sure you get the right womau, or the right man. The right
woman is a delight, an oasis in the
dessert, a shady place on a sultry
afternoon,  a cooling brook  in a 14
parched land, a tonic in debilitating
lassitude, a balm in trouble, an
ecstacy of joy in health, a garden
of roses and a joy forever. If you
should be so unfortunate as to
marry the wrong woman, may the
Lord have mercy on your soul.
You will find her calamity on tho
installment plan, a string of cow
bells, a caliope cut loose, a cat
fight on wheels, a pestilence and
famine combined, a boiler factory
in full bloom, chilblains, sore eyes,
and double-distilled damnation, all
in one package. Tho same woman,
if married to her affinity���to tho
right man���would be an angel,
and vice versa. Be sure you have
the right one, and then go ahead.
I bave one word of advice toa'h
girls, boys, old maids, and old
bachelors: Never marry until you
are certain single life is a failure,
and under no circumstances marry
until you find somebody that will
have you. Then be sure that you
are acquainted with each other before you send for the preecher.
Don't be content with seeing
your intended in his, or her,
best togs. Get up a few surprise
parties. Make a few calls on wash
day. Girls, manage to be in an
adjoining room the day the mother
of your intended requests him to
put up the stove. Then you can
tell for certain   whether  vou want
to sew rips  for  him,   crawl under
the bureau to get his collar button,
or mend the narrative of his nightie.
Bo?s, remember that a girl rigged
out- in ribbons, paint and feathers
may   look   good    enough  to  cat.
That smile, however, may Ik; made
to order,  and  come off  with her
best clothes.    At other times she
may wear a scowl that would make
a gorilla climb a tree.    Don't wear
a mask.    Be honest.    Sheiw what
you  are.    When  two   peoplo get
what ailed Romeo aud Juliet, overy
day  togs won t matter, and nothing but death can keep them apart.
When they reach that stage advice
is useless. They will marry, as the
story liooks say, ancl "live happily
ever after ward."
In this country, overy man rightly mated, is married to a queen.
Every woman united to the man
she loves, has a prince for a husband. This is what each should
think, whether they be as rich as
Croesus or poor as Lazarus.
Last   week   the    Honey  Grove
Signal stated  that the MetLodists
were engaged in a protracted meeting, and in the same issue announced that frylng-sized chickens were
selling for $1.75 each! Conditions
have reached an acute stage in our
neighbor town; there can be no enthusiasm in a Methodist meeting
when the ungodly are bulling the
chicken market to unheard of
prices.���Ladonia News.
A Villain.
A number of professional men
gathered at the Art Club of Philadelphia recently were exchanging
reminiscenses of Edwiu Forrest
the greatest tragedian. One of
them, says Harper's Weekly, told
a story of Forrest's experience in
the West, which was uot only of
interest in itself but also a tribute
to thc art of the actor:
The play was "Virginius" and
Forrest was at his best. In the
scene where he slays his daughter
the audience was almost striken
with awe, and not- a sound was
heard until the scene was concluded, after which the artist was greeted with overpowering applause.
In the following act Virginius
comes on the stag-*. Poking worn
and distracted. The reaction has
set in, ho is frenzied ove*r the loss
of his daughter and he walks up
and down crying: "Virginia! Virginia!    Whero is my child?"
An old miner who occupied a
front row in the orchestra ancl who
had lieen terribly wrought up over
the murder scene, could stand this
no longer, and, rising in his placo,
sbottted out in loud tones, frightened with intense indignation:
"Why, you old villain, you killed her in the market-house in the
last act! You know it well enough.
You area hypocrite as  well as a
The laughter and applause that
greeted this unexpected turn in the
performance made it necessary to
ring down the curtain.
Awkward Generosity.
A man from Dunedin onco visited (the town of) Wellington. An
Irish friend insisted upon the visitor staying at his houso insteael of
at an hotel, anel kept him thero for
a month, playing the host in detail,
paying all the cab lares, and the
rest. When the visitor was returning to Dunedin the Irisman
saw him t-3 the steamer, and they
went into a saloon to have a parting drink.
"What'll you have? ' asked the
host, continuing his hospitality to
the very last.
"Now look here," sai J the man
from Dunedin, "I'll has nao mair
o this. Here ye've been keeping
ine at yer house for a month, au'
pay in' for a' the theatres an' cabs
an' drinks. 1 tell ye I'll stan' na
mair o' it! We'll just hae a toss
for this one!"- Scotsman.
Play en Words.
The story is told of Helen Hunt,
the famous author of "Ramona"
that one morning after service she
found a purse full of money aud
told her pastor about it.
"Very well," he said, "you keep
it, and at the evening service I will
announce it," which he did in this
"This morning there was found
iu this church a purse filled with
money. If the owner is present he
or she can go to Helen Hunt for
it.��      *
And the minister wondered why
tbe congregation tittered.
In speaking of the New England
"spinsler problem," Mrs. Mary
W ilk ins Freeman told a rather pathetic little story to an aged maiden
lady who onco said that she had
never received an actual propo-al
of marriage, *4but," ancl hero she
blush,id faintly, "a gentleman onco
asked me to walk with him in the
garden by moonlight, and we al)
know what that means, my dear."
���Harper's Weekly.
Is convenient to all depots, telegraph offices and hanks in thc
city. Special attention paid to
tourists, commercial and otherwise. The cuisine is excellent,
and all guests receive courteous
attention. Touch the wire when
you want rooms reserved.
fiotjgartl) * Rollins, Proprietor! LOWERY'S CLAIM
A Wandering Poem.
Curiously little is known about
the exquisite lyric herewith printed-. It occurs, wo believe, iin no
anthology���at least, it is not included among the thirty thousand
poems indexed by Miss Granger.
The man who is supposed to have
written it���now a journalist in
New York���is believed never to
have written any other poem. We
do not even know where it first appeared. The copy from which wo
print this is probably imperfect.
It was given by, [Bliss Carman���
with whom it is "a favo:ite poem"
���to a friend, and reaches us after
having been several times copied.
We know of another manuscript
copy that consists of three stanzas
only, and differs from this text in
many other particulars, indicating
a long sequence of verbal transmissions. It would be interesting to
learn where and when the poem
was first printed, and in what, respects, if any, this text differs from
tlie original. The lyric is remarkable for its expression in the most
simple and even commonplace language of very poignant and deep
emotion. It is a poem in a thousand :
4'Heart of my heirt, my life, my
If you were lost what should I do?
I dare not trust you from my sight
Lest death  should   fall  iu love
with you.
"Such countless perils lie in  wait!
The gods know well how fair you
What if they left me desolate
And took and set you for a star!
''Then hold mo close, the gods are
Anel happiness so rare a flower
No man may hope to keep it long���
Ancl 1 may lose you any hour.
"Then kiss me cleise, my  star,  my
Sti shall tin* futuro grant us this:
That there was not a single hour
We might, havo kissed, and did
not kiss!"
���Mitchell Kcnnerley.
Statistics of Neui York.
18,000 men are employed on the
street roi I ways; there are 92 places
of amusement in the city; 225 freight
lines; a\400 elevator apartment
houses;  300 asylums  antl homes;
212 miles of surface electric lines;
37 ferries; 1,100 banks and banking
houses; 99 miles of horse car service; 400 public schools; 15,800
lawyers; 3,800 physicians; 1,260
dentists; 205 steamship lines; 1,700
newspapers: 2,600 restaurants; (not
including hotels); 165,000 telephones: 500 hotels; 546 miles of
streets���swept and cleaned every
day; 35,000 people travel daily in
the subway; 1,000,000 travel daily
on the elevated; about200,000 men
are employed in digging, blasting
and building; one milk company
alone has 2,000 waggons delivering
milk in the city, each wagon averaging 300 quarts a day.
The city's population consists of
|cS00,000 Jews;   800,000 Irish: 500,-
000 Italians; 250.000 born Americans.    The   English,    French and
I "poor Scotch'  are thrown in���they
are not counted.
Circumstances Govern
The other day I passed a house
where the lady had on her working
clothes and the top button of her
dress was undone, showing about
an inch of her pinkness below the
regulation collar line. She was so
modest that she held her dross together while I talked to her a moment. That same evening I saw
her on the Btreet wearing a garment
which revealed about three or four
inches of her pinkness more than
did her house dress, ami ahunelred
men gazed at her lack of modesty.
All of which reminds me of the
woman that took he*r lady visitor
out to the pond on a wading ex-
peditioil, and after venturing out
a few feet she observed a man.
Frustrated, she cried out to her
companion, "What shall I do?"
The eool headed companion rc-
plctl, "Just lift your dress a little
higher ami imagine you are in a
bathing suit.���Ex.
A Western Definition.
(Jossip is a humming bird with
eagle wings and a voice like a foghorn. It can be heard from Dan
to Becrsheba, and has caused more
trouble than all the ticks, fleas,
mosquitoes, coyotes, grasshoppers,
chinch bugs, rattlesnakes, sharks,
sore toes, e*yclones, earthquakes.
blizzards, smallpox, yellow fever,
gout, ancl indigestion that this great
United States have knowu or will
know when the universe shuts up
shop and begins the final invoice.
In other words, it has got war and
hell both backed up in the corner
yelling for ice water.���Guernsey
(Wyo.) Gazette.
Setting Gn.
Bishop Potter Of New York told
the following story about a clergyman who lived and preached in a
small New England town. The
clergyman had taught an old man
in his parish to read, and had
found him an apt pupil. Calling
at the house some little time after,
he found only the wife at home.
"How's John?" asked he. "He is
well, thank you," said the wife.
"How does he get on with his
reading?" "Nicely, sir." Ah, I
suppose he enn read his Bible e;om-
fortably now?" "Bible, sir! Bless
you, ho was out of the Bible and
into the newspapers long ago."
starkecj & eo.
XKLSOS, ij. c.
J. D. ANDERva���..,
Civil EngineePand Provincial  Land  Surveyor.
TRAIL,   -   -  -   B. 0.
r. smott
KASi.O, B. C.
Sells  Furniture,   Collins,   Billiard
and Pool Tables, Wall Paper,
Mirrors and Bar Fixtures.
Write for Anything You Want.
Dr. h. Milloy, Dentist
Aberdeen Block,
Baker St., Nelson,  B. C.
John Hutchison & Co.
East  Kootenay Timber, Farming
and Coal Lands.
c=,,,UM omMMOK- B- c- 16
We walked along the placid ways
Of sweet content and simple things,
And far before us stretched the days,
Quiet as birds with folded wings!
Ah! give me back that time before,
Ere love drove friendship from the door.
iFor as we walked we turned aside
Into a narrow, tortuous lane
Where baffling paths the roads divide
And jealous brambles prick to pain:
Then first I saw, with quick surprise,
The strange new look in friendship's eyes.
And now, in one stupendous dream,
We wander through the purple glades,
Which love has tinted through the gleam
Of wonderful, enchanting shades:
But I���would give it all away
For those dear hours of friendship's day.
���Eleanor Ester.
Full of Adventure.
A mother eent her small boy into the country and after a week of
anxiety received this report: "J
got here all right, but forgot to
write before. A feller and I went
out in a boat, and the boat tipped
over and a man got me out. I was
so full of water that I didn't know
anything for a long time. The
other boy has to bc buried after
they find him. His mother came
and cried all the time. A horse
kicked me over, and I've got to
have Noim-; money for fix in' my
head. We aro going to set a barn
on fire tonight, and I should laugh
if wc don't have some fun. I shall
bring home u tame ferret if I can
get him in my trunk.���Ex.
The Meanest Cflan.
A gentle reader from Hood river
declares that there is a man in his
town even meaner than the one
who runs an apiary and crosses hia
bees with lightning bugs to make
them work all night, as noted in
this column a few days ago. Tin*
Hood river man, according to our
reader, hangs around a maple sugar
making plant in fly time and
catcher flies to get the sugar off
their legs.���Portland Oregonian.
The thief who robbed Admiral
Bowies' house, aud afterwards restore. 1 the booty out of admiration
of the admiral, reminds the Boston
Transcript of tho bandit who held
u\t Bishop Whipple. "Sir," said
the bishop, "1 am the bishop ofthe
Protestant Episcopal diocese of
Minnesota!"   "Thc devil you arc!"
said the robber. "Why that's my
church too {"���Cleveland Plain
If you wish to read this journal
regularly send in your dollar without delay.
A 2 J horse power gasoline engine
for sale.    Apply at this oflice.
Kooiemy Railway & Navigation Company, Ltd.
Knnlw ��V Slocan Hallway Cu.
Ieiteriuitie��i.-tl Nav.   A  Trading   Co., I.tei.
assay KK Hiiei CHEMIST
(Late- its-tiy-'t- Kelson -um-ltcr)
Otelet. Silver or I .���:iil. e-:.e-l. M oo
Cornier *���! .V> Uolel Silver ��� l.,yi
Charge* for other metal? ->n appllcati >n.
P.O. Drawer 11*���*
Tel phone Aei7
In:. Navigation & Trad. Co.
s-.em a. m. l*avt- Katdo arrive?iS0 p. in.
!��:����������  Ainsworth        H:3��
ll::to a. m. arrive Neteon leave l<��* p.m.
Caltinff rc-nl.uiy at Ain*wc>rth and Pilot Bay
ami all way I ��� ii-ilim-a on siirual.
Kaslo & Slocan Railway.
H:iK>a. m. leave K.i-I-- arrive 3:15 p. m.
1��j::'."�� p. m. arrive.. s.-ind >n leave l* >> tt. in
Oce-an fftt-am.ship ticket* ami   raf<���-.  via nil
li'ie--* will he lunii-*i-.-;l on applte-a ion.
Kor further particular* call on or aehlro-w
Snpt . Ka��lo. B. C. Agent. Kaslo. II C.
The Kaslo Hotel tSARS*
in the cily.        OQCKLB A PAPWORTll
Tt*a Ptlkorf ���" Sandon, R C . In h i le.-��--
llie r llUtJI I n���t h.me tor all travel! r��.
McLeod Hotel, Sg'i-^-V.'.dl
in the city    Sttmple toomv
riNLAY Mrl.KoO.
IHeiA   PovflA+f  U th'l.��->t *1 a <luv ln.te-l
ine  X>dl tiett i��� f&ksau   Only white
llV'ip ' J!!|*l<  )���    I
Tremont House. &*��BA&&E
and Kur��|M*an plan.    N-*thlne  ywllo.v ahout
hoOMexcept tlutgolcl In the-aft)
Newmarket Hotel Stfe^S
millionaire!, visiting Xt-w l>eiiver II. ��5.
df    Pl-mA  i* the Lading Imtel io TKAIL,
OX. ��iimO ii.ij.       J���� tMWefott. Prop
. ��
The Strathcona
<=*-�� Hotel ��*a
Is situated on a slight eminence,  jnst a block from the busy
scenes on Baker street,  and is within easy touch of everything in the city.   From its balconiescan lie seen nearly
aU the grand scenery that surrounds the beautiful
city of Nelson.     Few hotels in the great west
equal  the Strathcona, and tourists from
every land will find within its portals
all the essentials that create pleasant memories within tho
mind of those who
B. TOI1K1NS, manager


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