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Geometry of a gesture Porkolab, Gyorgy Arpad 1972

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GEOMETRY OF A  GESTURE  by GYORGY ARPAD B.A., U n i v e r s i t y  PORKOLAB  of British  Columbia,  1970  A T H E S I S SUBMITTED I N P A R T I A L F U L F I L M E N T THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE  OF  OF  MASTER; OF ARTS  in  the; D e p a r t m e n t of  Creative;  We a c c e p t  this  thesis  Writing  as conforming  to the  required! standard,  THE U N I V E R S I T Y OF B R I T I S H COLUMBIA April,  1972  In presenting  t h i s t h e s i s i n p a r t i a l f u l f i l m e n t of the requirements f o r  an advanced degree at the U n i v e r s i t y of B r i t i s h Columbia, I agree that the Library s h a l l make i t f r e e l y a v a i l a b l e f o r reference and study. I f u r t h e r agree that permission f o r extensive copying of t h i s t h e s i s f o r s c h o l a r l y purposes may by h i s representatives.  be granted by the Head of my Department or I t i s understood that copying or p u b l i c a t i o n  of t h i s t h e s i s f o r f i n a n c i a l gain s h a l l not be allowed without my w r i t t e n permission.  Gyb'rgy A.  Department of  Creative  Writing  The U n i v e r s i t y of B r i t i s h Columbia Vancouver 8, Canada  Date A p r i l 4,  1972  Porkolab  Dedicated. rayparents, Piroska &.Tivadar who never lost faith in themselves  Porkolab  iii  ABSTRACT  Nothing new will be said: here. What is important is I am saying it.  that  Everything we know we know through our senses, hence the n a t u r eo f k n o w l e d g e i s s e n s u a l . When I t h i n k I t h i n k w i t h my entire body, there is no dichotomy between 'body' and 'mind'. My writing, as all art, is an affirmation of this i n t e g r i t yo f c o n s c i o u s n e s s ; , I p e r f o r m n o c a s t r a t i o n s u n d e r the pretext of 'objectivity' or 'academics'. I recognizeno border between externalreality and; internal reality, it is all reality, such a border would be: artificial and an absurd misrepresentation. We are transmitters and; receivers, or transceivers. A thought is a microscopic biochemical reaction in the brain. When we transmit, that is, write or speak or gesture, our bodies act as step-up transformers raising the energy level of the original chemistry enormously to an output that creates the right disturbance; and turbulance in the environment to be apprehended, by a receiver, that is, someone listening or watching, who then  a c t s as a step-down t r a n s f o r m e r e n e r g y waves and the  reducing  b r a i n . I f the  used  be  caused  t r a n s m i t t e r has  coded  process  hence c o m m u n i c a t i o n  i s p o s s i b l e . I t s power l i e s i n a thought,  a b s t r a c t i o n or a b l u e p r i n t f o r a c t i o n ,  truth an  properly, that i s ,  o r l i e , the mere u t t e r a n c e  existing  concrete  i s a d i s e a s e , then  of  d i s e a s e . I know t h e r e  The  laboratory i s l i f e ,  I w r i t e out  o f l o v e and  In what I have s a i d what  I have n o t  whether i t i s  irrelevant  i s enough to  the  of i t s  crystallize  reality.  I f man the  takes;  energy.  phenomenon t h a t by m e r e l y v e r b a l i z i n g an  reaction in  o f w r i t i n g and; a l l a r t . T h e i r  i s the m e t a m o r p h o s i s o f  With l a n g u a g e a n y t h i n g  these a m p l i f i e d  a xerox b i o c h e m i c a l r e a c t i o n  i n the r e c e i v e r and  p l a c e . T h i s i s the concern  absorbing  them t o a b i o c h e m i c a l  l a n g u a g e p o t e n t l y , then  should  by  and  said.  I am  the  concerned  i s no  with  the  diagnosis  cure.  experiment i s  myself.  hate.  what I w i l l say  what i s i m p o r t a n t  is  ese  fragments  refuse  are focal  planes,  lines  cast into  the  ocean.  a l l compromises.  George M c W h i r t e r / T h e s i s  Supervisor  T A B L E OF  C0NTENT5  GEOMETRY OF A GESTURE, "Do n o t t r u s t  Poetry  (Titlepage  f o r section)  me."  ..  1 2  FEEDBACK  3  THE  4  PARTY  THERMOLAYER  8  THE  9  STUMP  A P A I D P O L I T I C A L ANNOUNCEMENT  10  BETWEEN MOMENTS  11  DIFFUSION  12  PARA5ITE  13  THE M E E T I N G  14  LEGACY  OF THE  POST-WAR C E L E B R A T I O N S  15  THE K E E P E R  16  NIGHTFALL RENDEZVOUS  17  SPACES  18  WAITING  19  GEOMETRY OF A GESTURE  20  LOVE POEM  21  A PURE PAUSE  23  SCRAMBLE  24  A CHORD OF B L A C K N 0 T E 5  25  WILDFIRE  '.  26  OPTICS  27  TIMELAP5E  28  THE APARTMENT  29  "Suicide  i s the ultimate  GLASS VEINS  act of intelligence,"  .... 30 31  vii  AFTERTASTE "we e n t e r "knowledge  32 each other  softly"  33  i s n o t enough"  34  FREEDOM  35  TRACES  38  "I  CAN'T SWIM  I N THE S K Y "  39  NEBULA  40  OVERTONES  41  CLOSED C I R C U I T  42  WITH A L L MY NUCLEAR POWERED M E C H A N I C A L HEART e t c .  . 43  WHAT THING5 ARE FOR  45  PASSAGE  46  REMEMBERING MY5ELF  47  "these i n s e c t s  will  swarm"  48  PQETIC.5  49  YOUR E N T I R E BODY I S S M I L I N G AT ME  §0  BETWEEN MOMENTS, F i l m s c r i p t EVANESCENT D E N I Z E N S OF THE ASTRONOMIC  51 GASTRONOMY,  Play  . 68  1  GEOMETRY OF A GESTURE Poetry  2  Do A  not man  can  trust who  deny  has  me. denied  a  woman  anything.  >  3  FEEDBACK Who As  l o v e s you much as you do?  All  l a n g u a g e s axe o n e . F o r e i g n .  Meaning i s t h e tone o f my Everything I desire  that  i s , i s by d e f i n i t i o n .  to undefine.  All  mirrors  The  alone  distort.  Somewhere w i t h i n In  voice.  my e x p a n d i n g  some n o i s e l e s s  limits:  night  I s l i p p e d out o f a l l c a t e g o r i e s . in glacial  forests,  The  depth c r a z e d  search  For  t h e mermaid.  IMOWJ,  4  THE PARTY Through these aquarium rooms in the undercurrents of music without instruments like an animal on the turbulent breaths of smoke above phosphorescent runways I glide in the hot vacuum of her tacking body bank in the flak of glances and flash a professional smile rhythmically. I feed on my own raw adrenalin the idea of fish spawns I  remember nothing of surfaces among these constantly shifting channels of flesh and; in a sudden downdraught crash into her hot belly an altar floating on talk. Seconds later she dissolves in my mouth like a wordi. Among scattered; beacons h e r b e l i e v e r s i n c o n f e s s i o n a l t w i l i g h t gnaw c a r c a s s e s and wait.  5  The range i s three meters. I calculate approaching her at the ambassadorial, consular or representative level or not approaching at all. Alternatively, a policy statement. "I a m n o t a b o u t t o d i e and I do n o t apologize f o r t h e inconvenience," She evaluates, ovulates. With a mona lisa smile a s a passport my e y e s s l i d e d o w n h e r n e c k her breasts shift weight a b r a strap stays slack rodin hips the hemline hushed like a theatre curtain a n d my h o s t a m b u s h e s me p r o t o c o l s a l l o v e r me. I simulate myself in a pre-recorded ritual. A faded "what do y o u d o ? " " I am abroad;. I have been abroad so long t h a t I h a v e f o r g o t t e n my m i s s i o n and I wouldi still be abroad i f I returned home. Meanwhile I gather intelligence." The men's eyes scream f o r territorial recognition. I am n o t a party t o a n y treaties. A scratched, "where a r e y o u from?" "The border. A land o f complete freedom."  6  Inexplicable guilt seeps into their masks rumors are forming i n their bowels. Innuendos code their faces like cancer. Everyone hates specifically. I don't discriminate. With feigned rapt distraction I slip into t h e warm pacific r u g and. r i gf o r silent running. The women's fluorescent lips and. tropical bodies ease from cove to cove. In t h e mauve dusk we a c t o u t p r i e s t l y l i e s a shaft o f sunshine projects from h e r sex fog balloons i n from the mirror the room snows on the perimeter the scavangers we l i e i n t h e s u p e r s o n i c s i l e n c e o f w i n t e r with no desire f o r anything h e r b o d y w h e r e i t t o u c h e s m i n e we a r e numb our genitals wet we f a l l a n e t e r n i t y r e m e m b e r i n g how we b r e a t h e d i n b u t n o t o u t the green a i rof the night my n e r v e s f l o w with schools of silver fish along wet pavements in streets of shadows without origin. "We d o n ' t w a n t y o u b u t w e n e e d y o u . " The messenger burps and farts h i s way into oblivion urjder t h e bed f o r g e t t i n g t o g i v e me t h e m a p .  7  The  cave  will I  instinct  o u r bones  be  forgotten At  this  amid  together  decipherable.  moment  Fly and  shivering  years  need  some  I  need  some w a t e r  I  need  a rock  and  things  into  years  too early  of the  f o r the sun's  t o r e c h a r g e my  to dilute  t o pound  I approach  word  crawls  my  scrapes  yoke  the ocean about  along  rips  slithers  lungwards  dribbles  from  mutter dive.  my  politely  lips  my  o f the door  dawn  i n t h e wake  chlorophyll  threshold  my  glacier  super  nova,  blood  myself  head  against  to reach  unconsciousness  flesh  and  f o r me  of flesh  the neutral  too l a t e  I  its  i s legal  decay  I cross  billion  again  capsules  selves.  everything  5  the  i n time  legal.  naked  walk  20,000  its  own  the clandestine  face  sleepers  o f a war d e s c r i b e d  by t h e i r  impotently  I  us  prowl through the d e r e l i c t  rustedi landmines  a  keeps  with skull  teeth  a  speech  8  THERMDLAYER I s h a l l go t o n i g h t . Before the perfect mold of the statue embraces the twilight I m u s t be g o n e . L e t t h e p e r f e c t i o n c r u m b l e by i t s e l f u s e d a i r . I w i l l n o t s a t i s f y by b e i n g w i t n e s s .  I have been gathering for days. From streets, fro f r o m b o w e l s , f r o m m o u t h s . Now I am a l l h e r e a n d y o u know b e c a u s e I am s t i c k y o n y o u r f i n g e r e d f a c e s . T h e s u n w a r m s i n t o t h e s e a . S o o n ... w i t h m y m i n d i n c r e v i c e s my t o n g u e s h a l l u p o n t h e s n o w b o d y o f t h e H i m a l a y a s .  9  THE STUMP That Saturday I left both my legs under the 4:30 express to Berlin. My hands were hanging on but someone slammed the door. The security precaution for the Munchen conference required the extraction of my gonads by the roots. In Moskva time was short: burning cigarettes probed my eyes, ears and nose. My tongue flaps in neat razor cut strips and my translator sometimes has to fake it. I have War is at its I want  total diplomatic objectivity. surrealistic existentialism religious orgasm. to rape little girls.  A PAID POLITICAL  ANNOUNCEMENT  I telephoned myself, There was a busy signal, I wondered, who it was and hung I sent myself a telegram But when it was delivered I couldn't find any I.D. And it was returned to the  up.  sender.  I put a note on my door Stating I would be back in a few minutes, When I returned I saw the note and sat down to  wait.  After a few days I reported myself missing To the police and told them I would check back. Meanwhile I've invited all the pine trees To come down from the forests and power saw Straight-limbed fifteen-year-old girls for Christmas.  BETWEEN  MOMENTS  The cue fires, A white sphere sails on course Across the felt-green sea, Its spin tense toward quiet collision With the naked, red. satellite. Neon spotlights paint shadow life. A r a t strolls by reciting myths. I answer i n mathematics. The war begins. Hear death among a busload o f o l d women: The cool broads i n the not ads Wait f o r instant replays of assassinations. I piss on lamposts  with t h e dogs.  12  DIFFUSION Sine wave jazz o f people o f things A memory tastes found: Your hot breath In the midnight a i r o f a frozen beach. Your winter silence falls softly about In the rain of city streets I roam with your absence To places you've never been, A n d now y o u d o n ' t e x i s t t h e r e , t o o .  me.  PARASITE The eye of the hurricane Focuses Beyond the pregnant wall On the rage In an echoless path. My generations feed On your inside out.  THE MEETING As if by strokes of a brush on I have grown old.  canvas  I sit here in the noisy cafe, Traffic lights change And people stop. Everything around me is rehearsal. The people move again, A glimpse of a stranger Vaguely familiar. Are you dead centuries Continents away, Or not yet born. The wine is deep red, In a few hours, a new  ago  city.  LEGACY OF THE POST-WAR  CELEBRATIONS  The roar gulps W i t h e v e r y s h i f t o f my h a n d . At the edges of sight: light trails And the nervous response o f needles. Under the storm cleared sky Highbeam exposure o f film space, The radio plays Bach. Port-of-call, The swamp glare o f h o t lights above Mouths sponged by pot and scotch. One word breeds hordes That raid the amplified beat. T h e o r i g i n a l b r a : my t w o h a n d s . Shall I finger y o u now o r later? After words you canc r y , But now barf gently. We s t r e a k t h r o u g h s o m e w o r l d In our private weather. Your worn body sleeps away t h e revs.  THE  KEEPER  He  places  To  avoid  This He  lift  Past The  The  He w a l k s He  cross-indexing.  carries  him  o f body  refrigeration  lift  thinks  Thirty above  - a  For  parts, him  shiver.  at his quarters.  to the f i l e - ,1 am  and adds  t h e 6th  of frozen  him below  thinks  blue.  l i p , a f i n g e r , a_  stops  levels  ... e y e b a l l / l i g h t  down  makes  the note.  Keeper. corridors  the sea.  He c h e c k s t h e s h u t e He  hair  - red hair/fine  levels  He i m a g e s  in  damage.  requires  notes  The  the eyeball  f o r new  - the choice  arrivals.  o f a, means  t h e a s s e m b l y o f t h e o n e who  to another  i snot.  choice  17  NIGHTFALL RENDEZ-VQUS Autumn shower gone The air is after-sex. In the late afternoon Of sharp shadows and silence The street settles under Wet dust and October. A foreign evening breeze Plays intimate With people in a drift Under city skies. The cool heat of the mute  crowd.  Listen ... To radio signals from the stars To hysterical laughter of egg and As they drown in air. The lovers walk through Fluorescent corridors Of IBM memory banks. Their DNA codes fuse In mathematical probabilities. On the live screen Images of the unborn.  sperm  SPACES the  fifteen  pastel  winds  primeval the  my you  swirl  heat  weight  your  translatable  eyes'  Berlin always  of  of  your  your  blue  from  languages your  lips  glacial  body  sponge  l i k e  of and  like  the taste  breathes  the  smile  teeth  scent  around  l i f e feel  your  polar  lights  of  fresh  t h e two  water black  19  WAITING With a metal taste in my mouth and the sound of screaming subways stainless steel fish hooks on transparent claw into my naked brain, paralyzed fingers screech along the ice, in the receding train window a face with a gassed grin: lately I sleep with open eyes.  lines  G E O M E T R Y OF A G E S T U R E Below my skin night always. The city a galaxy on the border between the ocean and mountains. Your tears tense in this female dark. Inevitable abandonment to event and the final knowledge: I am the only A woman is good aenesthetic against the I reach for your hand.  instrument. stars  LOVE POEM The  r i p t i d e s  wind  a l o n g  o f  my  the  s p i n e  i n  e l a s t i c  c o l l i s i o n  my  f a c e  your  hot  so  l o n g  I  touch  I  can  you  no  where your  on  I  l o n g e r end  metronome of  an  o n l y  you  y o u r  h e a r t  w i t h  your  b e l l y  b e g i n  beats t i m e ,  u n d e r s t a n d s  shape.  I r r e t r i v e a b l e each  time  we  your  l a u g h t e r  between  your  s i l e n c e  i s  speak, a  mossy  r e s o n a n c e  b r e a s t s , something  s u p e r s o n i c i n  the  v i o l e t  o r  between  marrow  your  o f  t e e t h .  f i n g  mouth  l o g i c  a r t e s i a n shape  my  and  map  and  d e e p - s e a  sun  n i g h t  mouth  Between myself and everything image of everything. Sheer light. You in isolated focus. I need you because you see my face as I never can. The loud hunger of the waves, being mostly water I piss reverently and do not grasp why I am afraid of drowning. Blood and ocean taste like each Sperm smells like a beach. I like you.  other.  23  A PURE PAUSE Your breasts each two and a half mouthfuls, your tongue dripping spray and the smile of an arctic wolf, you slipped through the border - manlawin thewilderness and padded, in with surgical certainty. In the instinctive dark we orbited each other, your tidal heat and the animal perfume of your sex a spiral attack, the murmur of spring decay around an empty Above the high tension wires, below the ozone glare of iodine arcs, we worked without nets or cages committed atrocities of truth and exchanged apologies, a futile design for retrieving time, a point of diplomacy, after the weather the rainbow in the fjords of silence. Both of us possibilities, neither dared to invent the other, each fiercely proud of the other.  highway.  24  SCRAMBLE i t  was  the as  firealarm her  right and as  already  arm past  the that  grabbed and as  i a  too  came her  blind  far  me  away through  my  anus  elbow sirens  groping  something  deft  late  ramming  a i r - r a i d  barely  snapped  too  of  inside  romantic  hand  somewhere  having  f l i c k  too  time her out  to wrist  clutch  at  the  ripcord!  A CHORD OF BLACK NOTES No  more  I  digest  food myself  A l l  this  Her  cognac  and  the  now.  pressure  on  the  surface.  tears  orange  peel  of  her  sex.  WILDFIRE  She steps out into the sunbeam glare of the arcs, beyond their flaring coronas the unseen audience hums and her lips touch the cool mirrored surface of the microphone. A low thunder of feedback recedes along acoustic paths bouncing among the hot waiting meat that is the audience. Her amplified smile breathes into the space between a caged animal and the bars, into the moist creases of skinj tight black breasts, fluid oriental hips and gleaming white teeth. She breathes in a moment longer than expected and superimposes her rhythm, superoxygenates her blood and exhales the used air from inside her body as if tossing a pair of soiled panties to the audience and again her lungs fill and expand against her ribcage lifting her breasts tuning the unseen audience watching with cocked eyes and again she breathes out her used air. The pressure along the blood vessels drops and cool, recycled blood rushes through the veins and again. And again she sucks in the conditioned air, hyperventilates, floods her erect nipples with fresh oxygen and at peak intake opens h e r m o u t h a n d ; h e r c u n t s i n g s ... t h e v o i c e a p r i m e v a l scream hurling through the dark coaxial consciousness of her vagina whose reptilian muscles thinking, vomit the molten vacuum voice out her vulva, the voice bouncing among the hot waiting meat that is the audience ... After the concert she steps into the neon bathroom, her nakedness reverberates in the mirrors and colors the chrome flesh. Her finger touches the switch and a red light glows live and recording. The tape feeds through, two microphones hear the taps turn on. She smears herself with honey, steps into the tub of warm milk and drowns.  •PTICS With t h e buoyancy o f a floating compass t h e c a t ' s e y e b a l l o n t h e g l a n s o f my e r e c t i o n rotates 360°, bobs t o a stop again, blinks a long irrelevant moment a n d . r e s u m e s w a t c h i n g my f a c e . One single c a t eye t o s e e i n t h e dark, the slit pupil pulses constantly maintaining focus. P e r h a p s men i n s u r f a c e s h i p s o r women i n b e d feel this way when a periscope breaks water among moonlit waves. And like a man, who, strolling alone one night, fully sober and conscious, looks out into space and finds himself slowly falling away from t h e planet lunges toward the earth desperately grasping at the smell of green grass I embrace this woman.  TIMELAPSE  sharp  x-ray  moonlit  n i g h t sky  clouds s u n l i t  the r e f l e c t i n g of  refracting  consciousness  and  moon  float  i n a moment o f  l e n s systems  i n their  g y r o s c o p i c mounts  eclipse  t h e v e g e t a t i o n f e e d s on e l e m e n t a l s t r u c t u r e s animals i  f e e d on v e g e t a t i o n  f e e d on t h e a n i m a l  something  f e e d s on me  THE APARTMENT Even i f the body has stopped pacing the cage space of the apartment the brain continues to pace insistent as bugs on a summer night vulnerable as spiders on white walls and ceilings, th the o l d l a b r a t running through f o r the n time with the stereotyped Freudian neurosis of monkeys and polar bears i n the zoo looking f o r that moment o f escape to once again slip through some border. Importing has failed, two trees and one bird have died, already in the apartment, only t h e cactuses survive now. My f a c e h a s s o l i d i f i e d i n t o a w a l l , t h e t o u c h o f my s k i n i s o f f - w h i t e , a girl's voice repeats with melancholy "you watch the world from behind Venetian and I shut my eyes.  blinds"  Suicide is the ultimate act of intelligence, intelligence the ultimate act of suicide, but finally, only acts, and now, for my next act ...  GLASS VEINS the  man  nowhere is  t r e a d s water since  vague  to  will  with  the  think  has  not  i n h i s mind  concerned water  he  moves  man  the  mechanics  instinctively  drown  arrived  i n the  believes  nowhere  cave and  or  assumes  anywhere  this  darkness  he  stylistics  i n h i s work  understanding  he that  he  problem  is  of  dares i f he  moves  mainly  treading not  stop  does  he  AFTERTASTE The shutter snaps and the scenery records the inside o f the camera,, With each new woman new k n o w l e d g e a n d n e w c e r t a i n t y about the uncertain. A s e n t e n c e a b o r t s in m y t h r o a t . A s i f I h a v e f o r g o t t e n my l i n e s , but this stage has no wings o r proscenium. Aging i s a matter o f betrayals, life a matter o f immunology, death the final antidote. We c o n v e r s e n o w purely for the sake of sound. The constant casting whirr of fishing the delay and inevitable embeding pain of invisible i n my s k i n waiting f o x so many lines t o snap  lines hooks  taut.  • n e s i n g l e dBsire c o m i n g t o c x i t i c a l m a s s , to make love i n fxee-fall between earthxise and the naked sun to ejaculate into space.  33  we  enter  each  other  softly  knowledge i s mot  enough  woman i s n o t enough work i s n o t enough infinity nor t h e s e  i s n o t enough lines  35  FREEDOM  I don't remember when I slit my stomach open and slipped the rock among my entrails but in your eyes. I s;ee that you have jumped and that I am the net, the rock slips loose somewhere in my depths. Let us betray each other as many times as we can and.fill history books with the decisions. You and I began five billion years ago in the core of a star at critical mass, you and I instruments, begun three billion years ago by something wanting to see itself, we are ready to reach in.  36  And you my f o x y a u d i e n c e who come wearing  y o u r new l o v e r s on y o u r arms  looking  t o s e e who t h e o l d ones a r e w i t h ,  you on  who come t o see and be seen i n t h e r i g h t this  b r i d g e g a z i n g up a t t h e n i g h t  I have c u l t u r e d weighed tested  your  your  smiles against  the a c i d i t y  travelled  gestures i n test  b e h i n d t h e dark  desperately  tubes,  your s n e e r s ,  o f y o u r words,  among t h e s e a r c h l i g h t s and  and me,  side  of your  fragile  of your fears  filaments of b e l i e f  in  the magicians manufacturing  of  histories  it  i s too high f o r b i r d s  containers  f o r amnesiacs  I am a l o n e w i t h t h e wind the  cold  steel  I move s t a r s for in  i s wet under  and g a l a x i e s  my  hands  about  t h e sky  my own son e t l u m i e r e a s i n g l e breath  y o u r ahhs  arise  death d r i f t s  loose  somewhere below the of  skin t h e water  credit  cards, passports, r i t u a l s  fall  away from  like  cables  faces  me  from a s h i p a t l i f t - o f f from t h e b r i d g e suspended  through  night  place  37  there i s nothing I c a n do f o r you t h e r e i s n o t h i n g y o u c a n d o f o r me I want t o commit suicide but I also want t h e applause why does every woman wish to cram the entire world! into herself, why do I reach t o make love; with every woman I meet does a rock know it's a does i t care  rock  to say "no" f o r the first time i s the most the second time i ti s easier a word! slips loose i n t h e I slip loose i n a word  darkness  inside the wind i n s i d e me I breathe o u t the wind i n s i d e me in this f o g I am t h e bridge who touches fewer and fewer o f your  shores  difficult  TRACES My  lungs  in  full  the  rush  of  the  and  s i r e n s i n my  the  coded: g i b b e r i s h o f  dismiss we  are  that  me  wind ocean  i n my  veins  ears my  nerves  peremptorily,  fragments  constantly  of  a  equals  formula zero.  "I CAN T SWIM IN THE SKY" 1  l i l a c  T h e  under with of  ray  floor  s t r o l l i n g  the  wet  weight  absorbancy  spring  growing  sinks  out  grass  o f young  flesh,  rain, in  the  sky  of  fast  moving  a  crack  folds  a  shaft  o f sunshine,  the  late  starlight  everything  o f  clear  my  contours  from  open  afternoon  projects  glacial  consciousness,  in  the  black  of  the  viewfinder,  step  not  i s  the  i n  a  mild  a l l  of  through  a  absorbed  tunnels,  m e  of my  collapse  like  stair  there,  i s  towards  whorls  Shockwave  b r i l l i a n t l y l i t  acoustic  I  corridor  i s  sound  a l l  in  backwards  a n anticipated  that  depth  e b b  d r i f t s  o f  with  water,  vision  each  clouds  spirals my  center  gentle  of  gravity,  spasms  groin, away  parachute  from  my  losing  perimeters a i r  40  NEBULA all  time i s  right  now  all. that i s is  pure  motion  and  music  you  shrug  I  lift  we  your  your  arch  p o u t i n g bum  lighter-than-air  towards  rainbow  sails  falling  on e a c h  like in  violet  a star  our  cloud  tense with  field  with  other  sky  the tide  muscles  the breeze  we  kiss  carry  swirl o f wings  sharing a i r  each  nerves  through  other  tendril  t e n watt  spines  brains through  98.6°  make  bodies  love  in  the waterfall  of  your  we  the four  our eyes  our  and  moist  hurling  perceiving of  wind  rain  in  to  other  strange b e l l i e s  ripple  in  each  body  hair  our forest a r e made  smells  of the stars  black  holes  OVERTONES  The sound of ocean in my voice is the dense rustle of fluorescent leaves inside my skull, - the spinal bridge in colloidal suspension and you ask why I change with the seasons and sway at your touch?  CLOSED  CIRCUIT  The eyes blink a sixtieth o f a second, in the darkroom of the brain's chemistry a negative i s projected and the print fades i n , f r o z e n f a c e s g a z e a t me with t h e expectant a i ro f toilet bowls I watcti t h e woman watch another woman w a t c h me watch myself with unblinking camera lens eyes  43  WITH ALL MY NUCLEAR POWERED MECHANICAL HEART I LOVE YOUR TEFLON® VAGINA We are born in antiseptic rooms awaited by. masked men andi women, we die in antiseptic rooms embarrassing the living, these journeys must be made naked without luggage or passports, the ports are busy with arrivals and in the concrete cancer hives,  departures  we are busy expanding the hive, torturing each other, infecting the planet, so many October Revolutions, Messiahs, Political isms, National isms, Racial isms, Philosophical isms, Religious isms, justifying everything, anything, we are all 5oRight, we eat dead animals and dead plants from porcelain we excrete into porcelain toilet bowls tres chic  plates  you Orientals with your insect society (only an Oriental can cauterize his emotions and be a programmed drone in the human wave) you Africans with your ritual crying (only a Black can feel The Blues and cry like a child in the night) you Russians with your Pavlovian behaviour (only a Russian could have conceived of ringing a bell to produce salivation without food) you Europeans with your Freudian psychoses (only a European can be incestuous,masturbate and claim the Divine Right of Leadership, Religious Vision, Morality, Civilization and Culture) cooked into the American Nightmare Apple Pie ('jus truckin alon, we've pissed on the moon, we can piss on you too*) in our soundproof (against the screams), airconditioned, deodorized bedrooms we oscillate fervently drunk on illusions at the 21 cmwavelength we are transmitting from our largest'antennas into deep space "we know what is happening to us we are celebrating very hard to forget"  45  up l o o k i n g up girls skirts stairs  a r e f o r l o o k i n g up  are for looking  are for looking  up g i r l s  up g i r l s '  WHAT THINGS ARE FOR  skirts  PASSAGE the  planet  the  radar  against the  turns dish  the  ship  froth  wind  the  ship's  the  radar  against white the in a  lights dish  lights  the  wing-tip  hang  the  and  my  face  on  smooth  waters white  universe on  white  cranes  mountains  fjord flashes  memories  the  chanmel  belly  softly  whitely  the  I metabolize  lights  stars  f r o t h s around  revolve  against  the  and  between  wind  railings  prow  silently  o f f warm  mark  I metabolize  I  silent  distance  red  the  glide  revolves  spins  lighthouse  glide  i t s decks  around  noiseless  night  the  andi  star  universe  froths against  wind  the  softly breaks  the  toward  white  through  lifeboats  the  in  revolves  purrs  the  from  noiseless  I metabolize white  away  my  face  silent  noiseless softly  universe  of  jets  REMEMBERING MYSELF I had all the childhood diseases including love, the doctor's diagnosis was immaculate, "he'll grow out of it", I also outgrew my clothes, my single purpose became to outgrow everything and. one day I died, just say, I outgrew life.  these  insects  leaving empty  this  will page  swarm  POETICS the danger is realized too late I am irretriveably becoming what I write everyone loves me but no one can bear to live with me, perhaps I am an idea on the piano there are to be played between the keys  notes  I am my own country I am the state I have never  been farther  than wordis  YOUR E N T I R E BODY 1 5 S M I L I N G A T ME a n d i f we h a d n o t m a d e a l l o u r m i s t a k e s committed so many stupidities been so absurd in our separate lives you a n d I would never have met and that would be unforgiveable  BETWEEN MOMENTS Filrnscript  TWO C H A R A C T E R S , A Y O U N G MAN AND A Y O U N G W O M A N . BOTH A R £ NAKED THROUGHOUT THE FILM. THE SOUND TRACK IS THE NATURAL LOCATION SOUND. 5L0WM0TI0N 1. P a n a l o n g b a c k l i t s c u l p t c l o u d s i n a l i l a c sky. She falls into frame, back toward the camera, as she falls past the lens she blocks the frame, c u t to 2. h e r f a l l i n g away f a c e u p f r o m t h e c a m e r a toward t h e glittering ocean. As she recedes cut to 3. a l i l a c s k y . He f a l l s i n t o f r a m e f a c e d o w n toward t h e camera. As he falls past t h e lens he blocks the frame, c u t to 4. h i m f a l l i n g away b a c k t o t h e c a m e r a . As he recedes toward the glittering ocean cut to 5. her. f a l l i n g away f a c e u p f r o m t h e c a m e r a toward the ocean, c u t to 6. h i m f a l l i n g f a c e d o w n t o w a r d t h e c a m e r a o u t of the lilac sky, cut to  T. her falling away faceup from the camera. As she recedes he falls into frame from behind the camera. As they recede cut to 8, the two of them falling out of the lilac sky, They fall toward the camera and as they block the frame cut to 9e the two falling, their hands reach and dissolve to  grasp,  10. them drawing together, dissolve to 11. them embracing, falling out of a lilac sky„ REALTIME 12. Underwater shot toward the surface, shafts of sunlight shimmer, a shadow appears on the surface and grows rapidly, the entwined bodies drive into the water, as they stop sinking dissolve to SLQWMQTION 13. their faces. They speak and bubbles float out of their mouths, dissolve to  14.  15.  her  spreadeagled  she  begins  him  spreadeagled  dissolve  on  the  seabed  to d r i f t  up,  d i s s o l v e to  floating  over  facing  up,  her,  to  16.  the  two  drifting  17«  and  upangle shot  the  surface,  together, of  the  d i s s o l v e to  two  drifting  toward  REALTIME 18.  The long  skin  of  time  ocean u n d u l a t e s ,  passes.  are  p r o p e l l e d out  and  sinking  Pullback finally each  19.  the  as  of  other  the  they  swim t o w a r d the  of  the  Cut  fish  they jumping  breathing.  camera.  They  and! c o l l a p s e a g a i n s t  to  a g a i n s t each o t h e r  white.  water,  like  breath  beach  l a u g h i n g . Cut  i s very  water  i n . Out  crawl onto  unexpectedly  heads break  back  them c o l l a p s i n g sand  Their  an  to  (rapid  laughing. sequence)  20»  throbbing  vein i n his throat, cut  to  21.  throbbing  v e i n i n her  to  throat, cut  The  22. her reflected in his eyes, cut  to  23. him reflected in her eyes, cut  to  TIMELAPSE 24. their heads. Pullback and trace the perimeters of their bodies. Shadows flow in timelapse. Dissolve to REALTIME 25. his open eyes. He watches her as she  sleeps,  o  suddenly her eyes snap open, there is a moment of non-recognition then she relaxes, pullback. He leans over her, cut to 26. a shot from behind them, they are in the foreground the sea in the background. He leans over her and blows lightly on her skin. Her eyes are staring at something in the distance, he arrives at her face and notices her stare, he turns to look in the direction she is looking, cut to 27. wide shot of the horizon with their heads in the foreground. A long time passes. There is a flash of a mirrored surface in the distance. They stand quickly their spines gliding past the lens, cut to  56  28. tiltup with their faces as they stand, watch intently, cut to  they  29. wide shot of the scene of the flash, hold, TIMELAPSE to night. 30. Closeup pan of 'dead* IBM readout screens and. input terminals. His head comes into frame. He is looking at the hardware. He turns around and begins to walk away, as he does, pullback, it now becomes evident that he and the equipment are in the wilderness. As he continues to walk it becomes apparent that the location is a mountain top. He holds a transparent plastic tube in his handl which runs out of the frame. He stops at the edge of the mountain top. Cut to 31. a telephoto shot of his entire figure from the back. TIMELAP5E of sunrise in front of him. 32. Closeup of his face, pullback, he takes the plastic tube in his hand and inserts it in a vein inside his elbow, zoom in as the needle penetrates and the blood rushes into the tube, cut to  33. zip pan of the tube lying on the blood rushes through it. the hardware, quick pullback machine coming to life, the with blue skies. Cut to  the ground as The tube enters to show the screens glow  341. him walking up to the equipment. He watches the screens. They are empty except for the blue skies. Cut to 35, him turning and walking away. The tube trails from his arm, the ground is criss-crossed with colored cables, pieces of raw meat are snuggled against the moss-covered rocks. Quick zoom to the nape of his neck and 36. quick zoom to the nape of his neck as he around and  whirls  37* quick zoom to the nape of his neck as he whirls around, his eyes pulse focusing, slow pullback to reveal that this picture is on one of the screens, pullback continues until he comes into frame watching the screens watching him watching. 38. Closeup of her face in shadow, cut  to  39. telephoto shot of her figure from the back, the first ray of the sun breaks over a mountain peak, the sea swirls around her feet, cut to  TIMELAPSE 40. closeup of her face. As the sun rises her is lit up. Cut to  face  REALTIME 41. closeup of her face, pan down to her arms as she inserts the needle and the blood rushes into the plastic tube. She moves out of the frame, follow-focus reveals hardware at the edge of the forest, the complex suddenly lights up as the blood reaches it. Cut to 42. closeup of her spine assshe walks. Cut to 43. closeup of her face as she arrives at the screens, the lights reflect in her eyes, cut to 44. his face as it reflects the colors of the screens, pullback, he brings his arm into frame and pulls the tube out of the vein, blood backfires from the needle and vein. Cut to 45. wide shot of him and the equipment, lights die out. Cut to  the  46. her arms as she pulls out the needle and the blood backfires, tilt up to her face, pan to the screens which show her face, the screens d i e.  47. Upangle shot from her spine strains the mast and sail into a clear sky, 48. wide down boat they kiss  the waterline of a sailboat, as she leans over the edge, strain and rise vertically cut to  shot from the top of the mast shooting at the two hanging over the edge as the; cuts through the water. They are tacking, switch sides, she kills the sails, they very lightly, barely touching, cut to  49. a medium shot of the two, only their lips are touching, between their bodies the ocean shimmers Suddenly he pulls away, his eyes have caught something, she turns to see. Cut to 50. wide shot of the beach where they had been, they are in the foreground on the boat, there is a mirrored glint in the trees, cut to 51. closeup of their faces. They are intent, sails flap idley.  the  52. Night. The screens glow with abstractions. The plastic tube is full of blood;. She sits: beside a fire watching the screens. She turns her head for a moment, there are thousands of fine, multi-colored wires running into the base of her head. She takes a piece of meat that's been cooking over the fire and eats. Cut to  53. his head. There is a web of wires in the of his skull also. Pullback. The tube in arm is full of blood. Cut to  base his  54. wide shot of the two at the fire. Pullback and lose their lights in the lights playing on the water. A lighthouse flashes in the distance, suddenly the outline of the sailboat in full sail bursts into flames in the night, hculd until completely dark again. 55. Morning. Wide shot zoom to her figure Dew covers her body and wires snake out  of the entire beach, slow lying on the sand, asleep. and hair. The plastic tube of frame, dissolve to  56. closeup of her face, she opens her eyes and blinks, breathes deeper and deeper, abruptly her eyes are wide open and focused rigidly, she holds her breath, sjowly she sits up, unconsciously brushes the sand from her body, cut to 57. the small of her back, tilt up the spine to the base of her skull and the web of wires, dissolve to 58. her eyes, cut  to  59.  medium  shot  pullback, at  she s t i l l  t h e sand  intently, up, 60.  of her s i t t i n g , brushes  on h e r s e l f .  there  as she stands  up,  absent-mindedly  She w a t c h e s  i s a mirrored  the horizon  flash,  she  jerks  c u t to (rapid, sequence)  closeup  o f h e r head  as h e r e a r s  61 • c l o s e u p  o f h e r neck  tensing, cut to  62.  closeup  of her chest  63.  closeup  o f her stomach  64.  closeup  o f t h e tendons a t t h e back o f her knees  tensing, 65.  closeup cut  66.  i n , cut to  tightening,  cut to  cut to o f h e r fac;e i n t e n t ,  shot  zoom i n t o  another  of the horizon again, hold, flash,  eyes,  closeup  of her eyes,  68.  closeup  o f t h e back  cut to of h i s head, there  wires,  p u l l b a c k , she stands  beach,  t h e camera  a r e no  a l o n g way down t h e  moves a r o u n d  mirro/red, s u n g l a s s e s flash  there  cut to  67.  and  cut to  to  wide is  drawing  tense,  h i m , he w e a r s  that reflect  the scenery  t h e s u n , zoom t o g l a s s e s , c u t t o  69.  closeup  70.  wide  o f h e r eyes t r y i n g  shot  again  with  to discern, cutto  h e r head i n t h e f o r e g r o u n d ,  there i s a flash  on t h e h o r i z o n , c u t  to 71< a m e d i u m  shot  foreward, flash, 72.  o f her as she h e s i t a n t l y  a s i f t o go t o t h e s o u r c e  steps  of the  she i s ambiguous, s t o p s , c u t t o  closeup  of h i s face  he l i f t s ; a w e a p o n  and mirrojred! s u n g l a s s e s ,  with  a scope  t o h i s eyes,  cut to 73.  scene  through  fluorescent zoom  of 75.  h e r hand  piercing  as i tr e a c t s t o the sharp h e r h a n d , SLQWMQTIOIM, h e r  i n a g o n y as^ s h e b r i n g s u p t h e w o u n d e d  pouring she  of a shot,  TIMELAP5E  cutto  of her face  projectile  it  f i l a m e n t s of the scope,  i n response,  closeup face  s h e i s s u b d i v i d l e d i by t h e  t o h e r hand, sound  jerks 74.  scope,  blood,  she i s s u r p r i s e d , she sucks  d e s p e r a t e l y , t u r n s and b e g i n s does t h e p l a s t i c  hand! at  t o r u n , as  tube and w i r e s  r i p out  her,cutto  REALTIME, a f u l l  shot  o f him from  the front,  cut to 76.  her running on  by t h e d y i n g  h e r hand, c u t t o  screens,  she sucks;  77,  her p o i n t of view beach,  78,  running straight  down t h e  cut to  closeup of her face,  she veers  into  the  forest,  cut to 79,  wide shot of  of her running through  branches,  another zoom her  s h o t , she w h i r s l  r u n n i n g , sound o f on i m p a c t ,  to her face sobbing, legs,  her r i g h t  childishly spits face  tries  p u l l b a c k , she c l u t c h e s  thigh  i s p o u r i n g b l o o d , she  grips  at i t ,  t o w i p e away  she  wipes  blood, a l l over  and  immediately  the tears  collapses,  she stands  stands a g a i n and  o f shock,  the  muscles  i n c o n v u l s i o n s , her breathing i s e r a t i c ,  grasp  tears  mix w i t h t h e b l o o d , her  she eyes  a t e v e r y t h i n g s e a r c h i n g , s h e b r i n g s up h e r  wounded: h a n d a n d a b s e n t l y b r u s h e s shaking v i o l e n t l y ,  medium  rock, her l i p s  hands grasp thunder,  begins  a g a i n s t a moss  touch  a t the rock, slow  h e r head  t h e moss and h e r zoom, sound o f  s n a p s up a l e r t ,  to walk,  a t her h a i r ,  cut to  shot as she crumbles  covered  and  she  to hobble, cut to  hums a t u n e ,  81,  to her  but as she does  her face,  closeup of her face i n state  is  zoom  not comprehending, d i s c o n c e r t e d , she b r i n g s  up a h a n d  are  collapses;,  t o wipe t h e b l o o d away, she  on t h e wound,  begins 80,  she i s s t i l l  the l a t t i c e  cut to  she stands  up  she  82.  83.  she  stands,  the  wounds  cut  to  of  and  camera  the  her up  out  a  of  head  point  the  branches,  cut  to  86.. medium  of  shot  shivering,  out as  there  the her the  the  face  is  stream,  her  head  comes  to  and  exposed,  the  hold,  cut  trees  wave  and  relaxed, a  rifle  impact  in  and  exits,  mouth,  her  face,  spine,  the  her, her to  her  deeply  to  the  sky  through  rustle  shot,  dissolve  SLQWMQTIDN, INFRA-RED FILM  her  eyes,  in  breathing  surprised look through  on  her  breathes  of  tears  nostrils  she  shot  of  from  r e s t s on  wide  her,  is a  bullet  her  appears  the  ground  her,  smile  back  exhausted,  the  quiet  sound  bullet  to  drips  breath,  of  sinks  with cut  view,  foreward! from  she  staggjsrs  water  is fully each  she  uncontrolably,  water, a  her  as  goes  tilts  savoring  back,  face,  from  the  tremble  bleed,  stream,  teeth,  throat  85.  her  drinking  lips, her  to  legs  still  closeup  close  84.  both  she  of  her  blood guts  deeply, arches  small on  the  her  face spurts  rip  open  breeze,  87.  she  falls  foreward,  88,  her  point  of  turning a  view, wide shot  into  darkness, burst  unexpected  the  of  twisting,  water  normal  of  d i s s o l v e to of  colors, the  film,  t r e e s and pulsing  stream  then  sky  to  comes  up,  black,  R E A L T I M E , NORMAL F I L M 89.  Medium  shot  dribbles she  of  from  gently  of  stops 93,  the (the  of  two  of  f a c e , hot mouth and  mirror  him  into has  blood ears,  to bubbles  nose,  the  eyes  of  she  blood,  blood  coughs  cut  l e a n i n g over  to  her,  she  sunglasses,  he  to face  as  cut  them a s  she  reflected i s not  on  he  her  blood,  in a  aware of pullback  whirls, standing  his lips,  glasses, cut  to  mirror, the  k i s s e s her  s h a t t e r s , quick  frame as  exhales  to  viewer  reflect  mirrored  ground,  mouth, nose,  i n his mirrored  her  blood  the  s h a l l o w l y , her  b e n d s down a n d  the  glasses  guts,  his face  audience  on  ahead, cut  breathing,  mirror)he  he  her  c h o k e s on  reflected  closeup  lying  q u i c k l y and  her  watches, cut 92,  of  her  and  closeup is  her  straight  closeup seep  91•  out  breathes  stare 90,  of  she  his  lightly, to  bring  mirrored;  watching also  him,  wears  94.  95.  h i s point of view,  she stands  she  i n her hand, c u t t o  closeup of her face,  in  c l o s e u p o f h i s face;^she i s r e f l e c t e d  in  his 97.  him,  he i s r e f l e c t e d  her 96.  h o l d s a weapon  facing  glasses,  glasses,  wide and  cut to  cut to  s h o t o f t h e two, she l i f t s fires  back  under  a flare  into  t h e weapon  h i s s t o m a c h , he s m a s h e s  the impact,  cut to  5L0WM0TI0N 98.  full  s h o t o f h i m a s he d r i f t s b a c k  impact, light, tears then  the f l a r e  burns  t h e r e i s smoke form  with a bright  from  i n h i s eyes,  under t h e  h i s charred  orange meat,  he l o o k s down i n a m a z e m e n t  l o o k s up u n c o m p r e h e n d i n g , c u t to,  REALTIME. 99.  c l o s e u p o f h e r f a c e as t h e scene her  glasses,  i t begins  to rain,  reflects cut to  in  67  100, t h e b e a c h , stand in the of  i t i s raining,  facing  each  each  sunlight  b r e a k s from  that  of sunlight their form  horizontal  waves, t h e y r o t a t e  stars  slip  waves, h i s body about  t o g e t h e r , zoom  fade »  END  breaks  glasses  space o f t h e i r e y e s , p u l l b a c k ,  becomes and  lightly,  i n t o fragments  shaft  i t and h e r s e x , he  and a s h a f t  from i t , t h e y k i s s black  t h e r a i n r u n s down  she opens h e r mouth and a  opens h i s mouth implode  pan, t h e two  other, they are r e f l e c t e d ,  other's glasses,  glasses,  slow  i n the  h e r body vertical  their genitals  90°  i n t o waves, h o l d  waves;  EVANESCENT DENIZENS OF THE ASTRONOMIC An E p h e m e r a l Romance  Stageplay  GASTRONOMY  (The houseliqhts dim until the theatre is completely dark, Three voices, pre-recorded on tape. are heard overa sound system.) VOICE1. VOICE 2. VOICE 3.  (Female.) Did you hear what happened? Well ... (Female. teasing.) Where are you going God? (Male.) To masturbate. (Voice recedes mumbling.) If you want something done right you have to do it yourself.  (The ceiling of the theatre above the audience is suddenly lit in the densest, lushest reds. A DNA strand constituted of approximately thirty naked! men and women hangs precariously over the audience. The mobile of people swavs gently. threatening to break and fall on the audience. The fragile tinkling of glass is heard. Blackout. A few seconds of silence. The rush of the ocean breaks onto the silence. A. shi pis whistle blows. The sounds of a "Bon Voyage" ship departure are heard. A seductive male voice speaks.)  VOICE 4.  (Male.) Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome aboard the planet Earth. On behalf of the Management I would like to thank you for flying Sol Three and! hope that you have a pleasant journey. Your arrivals are a bit messy and haphazard and your departures somewhat arbitrary but then we don't require any passports or visas and no questions asked. The Social Director has a full Calendar of Events to entertain you with: earthquakes, floods, fires, diseases and the list goes on and on. Ah-ah no peaking. And if you get bored I'm sure you'll find ways to amuse yourselves. We are one big ball!! Hahahaha ... ball! Like the planet is a round sphere like a ball andi to ball meaning to screw meaning to copulate and ball as in Masked Ball ... hahahaha! That's a triple! You have to be q u i c k e r t h a n t h a t !H a h a h a h a . . .  ( S i l e n c e .T h e c u r t a i n r i s e s . M o s t o f t h e s t a g e i s w a t e r . a canal. It is a, Venice set. On either side of the stage houses rise from the canal. At the rear of the stage a.  bridge spans the canal. A_ gondola bobs on the surface of the water. At the front of the stage is a quay with a couple of trees in full bloom. Under the trees is a s m a l l r o u n d t a b l e .a y o u n gm a n a n d a y o u n g woman d r e s s e d in chic evening clothes sit at the table. Her dress is short. They are both beautiful. It is dusk. Everything is lit in pastels; blues. mauves. pinks. etc» The two people stare at each other without speaking. In the background coming from one of the windows is the record of a tango playing. The water laps. The two stare at each other. The gondola sways. A breeze rustles the leaves of the t r e e s . A _l i g h t i n g c h a n g e i s e x e c u t e d s i m i l a r t o a t i m e l a p s e sequence on film; dusk turns to darkness. the windows light u p . t h e moon r i s e s . t h e s t a r s a p p e a r. a c o u p l e o f s t r e e t lamps above the table but mingled in the trees light up creating beautiful shadows. The tango plays. A, gentle breeze blows from the wings rustling the leaves and making them waver.) SHE. HE. SHE.  What are you thinking? I'm thinking about you. You don't have to think so  silently.  72  HE.  SHE.  HE. SHE.  HE. SHE. HE.  SHE. HE.  B u t i f I utter what I think I abandon all other possibilities. So long a s everything remains unsaid anything i s possible still. But by saying something you automatically trigger new p o s s i b i l i t i e s t h e p o s s i b i l i t y o f w h i c h h a s not even occurred to you y e t or even suggested, by your silence. Y o u h a v e d e s t r o y e d me. You s e e , i t worked. By saying what you didn't want to say about not saying anything you caused me t o c a u s e y o u t o a n d we c a n now t a l k a b o u t y o u r destruction. I knew you were going t o s a y that. How d i d y o u k n o w ? I don't know how I k n e w . I simply knew. O f course I can't prove it. I f you really wanted to dispute it, t o s a y that I didn't know, there would be no w a y f o r me t o p r o v e i t . I am a t y o u r m e r c y . First I destroy y o u a n d now y o u place ;yourself a t my m e r c y , w h a t ' s y o u r f e t i s h ? No. No, n o t a t all. You s e e , I knew I really wasn't placing myself a t your mercy. There was never any danger, really. I was quite safe. I knew that.  ( c o n t . ) I t ' s th8 g a m e , m y w a y o f s e d u c i n g w o m e n . A c t u a l l y I am d e s t r o y i n g y o u a n d y o u a r e a t my mercy, I was simply acting as a decoy that y o u c o u l d i d e n t i f y w i t h , a c t u a l l y I'm l y i n g i n o r d e r t o d e s t r o y a l ly o u r f r a m e s o f r e f e r e n c e . I'm t e l l i n g y o u I'm l y i n g b e c a u s e t h e n y o u ' l l f e e l I'm a t y o u r m e r c y a g a i n . O f c o u r s e t h e r e i s n o way t o p r o v e a l lt h i s , b e c a u s e I s h o u l d h a v e s a i d all this before i n order to be able t o offer i t as evidence that I knew, b u t then I would be responding to unsaid things and that would limit the possibilities i n response, as with unsaid things, remaining unresponsive leaves everything possible but i n reality, as you said to 'said things', b y responding I would trigger new possibilities. So there i s no way I c a n prove that I knew anything. I'm a t your mercy. You're sweet. When d i d y o u t a s t e ? What were you going t o say? That you weren't going to say. Would you like another drink? Wine, sherry, absinthe;, liquors, anything?  74  SHE. HE. 5HE. HE. SHE. HE. 5HE. HE.  SHE.  HE. SHE. HE. SHE. HE'.. SHE. HE. SHE.  Anything? I'm sorry I don't have a n y . Any what? Anything. But you offered. Y e s . Well. Y e s . I didi. Anything. I t ' snot important. You'reimportant. How c a n y o u sa/y that? I m e a n , I'm part o f a n y t h i n g a n d i f I'm i m p o r t a n t t h e n a n y t h i n g is important or i f anything i s not important t h e n I'm n o t i m p o r t a n t . Now w h i c h i s i t ? There i s no distance between everything being equally important and everything being equally unimportant. There i s something wrong with that. You sense i t t o o , huh? You mean there i s something wrong with that? Isn't there? I simply responded t o open up a new possibility. But I said that to see i f you could discover what was wrong with it. Oh. Well. I don't know. No. You don't.  HE. SHE. HE. SHE. HE.  You smell like a violet. I love your I am a violet. Would you like to go for a swim? Right now? Uh-huh.  smell.  (They undress completely and dive into the canal splashing the audience. They swim to the gondola and climb into it. She lights £ torch. They slip back into the water as if they had accomplished some prescribed task. They swim back to the quay and climb out. He goes into a house and returns with a towel. They dry each other and pull on their underwear. He finds a couple of coathangers.puts his clothes on one and her dress on the other. He hangs them from a tree branch. She looks at them.) 5HE.  HE.  They're happened deja-vu. smell of Then, we  empty. I'm having a deja-vu. This has before and I knew that I'm having a And you. You've happened; before. The the night. I feel so absolute. Alive. know each other?  (They kiss barely touching each other. Giant eyeballs appear in all of the windows in the buildings. An unexpectedly long time passes. The eyeballs withdraw and they stop kissing. They sit down at the table.) WE. SHE. HE.  SHE.  HE.  T h e r e a r e f o u r b i l l i o no f u s . F o u r b i l l i o n . I don't think I understand;. If there are four billion of us and half are men and half are women, there are two billion women. Of the two billion I can ignore a billion and a half as either too young or too old. That leaves half a billion, five hundred million possibilities. And who is the right one? Is she in that five hundred million or is she already dead or not yet born? Let's assume she is in the five hundred million, then my chances of meeting her are one in five hundred million. But she is in the same boat, her chances of meeting you are one in five hundred million a l s o. Our chancesof meetingare ... the chancethat you and I are the best possible choice are one in twenty-five quintillion. If I could make love  HE.  (cont.) t o a different woman once every twenty-four hours f o r ,say, twenty years then that's three hundred and sixty-five times twenty i s seven thousand, three hundred women I could meet. Seven thousand! three hundred of five hundred million is one one-thousandths o f a percent. Even i f I ignore a hundred million as t o o ugly and a hundred m i l l i o n a s t o o b e a u t i f u l . I'm i n l o v e . I'm i n l o v e w i t h a l l women. I'm i n l o v e w i t h t h e c o n c e p t of woman. I'm getting sick. Y o u s e e , I have walked; down so many streets and watched so many couples. And I wonder i f they madie the.'right choice, t h e best possible choice that warrants each to say "I love you" without reservations. Or have they merely accepted expediency? Anyone to keep the loneliness filled. How many o f t h e m a r e l i a r s ? A n d i f t h e y s o l d o u t , i f t h e y b e t r a y t h e m s e l v e s a n d a n o t h e r , s o e a s i l y ... how c a n t h e y be t r u s t e d ? What p o s s i b i l i t i e s h a v e t h e y d e s e r t e d ? How many t i m e s a d a y d o t h e y l i e to themselves and others?  (Pause.)  78  SHE. HE.  SHE. HE. SHE. HE. SHE. HE. SHE. HE. SHE. HE. SHE. HE.  SHE.  Andl you ...? I'm frightened. I'm frightened of being alone. Dying alone. That's the price you have to pay for not betraying yourself or anyone else. I couldn't live with that kind of honesty. Can you live with so many betrayals? No. Yes. I... I I have talked with myself as the subject. But it applies to you just as much. Let's make love. No. I can't. I couldn't take another disappointment. What remains unsaid, undone, remains a possibility. Could we go to the theatre? Why? It's the one place where romanticism still exists, But romanticism is staging, props, lighting. The more expensive and elaborate the more romantic. You're such a cynical son-of-a-bitch. Can't you leave some illusions? All that enormous backstage machinery supporting that fragile illusion up front revealing the: backstage of the characters' minds? Please: don't ...  79  HE.  I ' m s o r r y . Y o u ' r e r i g h t . We a r e a l i v e , t h e m o o n  SHE. HE.  is hypnotic a n d y o u a r e beautiful, I want t o make love t o y o u o n a mountain t o p where we c a n b e alone with t h e wind and close t o t h e stars. Would you like t o hike up tomorrow? I'll race you up t h e mountain. Alright, let s go t o t h e theatre . • l  (A man i n coveralls• t h e WORKMAN, walks onto t h e quay a n d up t o t h e male.) WORKMAN.  T h e rentalis up. This i s a s much time a s y o u paid for. The stuff has t o go back.  HE. WORKMAN.  What t h e hell i s going o n ? ! I have my shipping orders.  ( T h e W O R K M A N p u l l s o u t a. b u n c h o f p a p e r s a n d t h g u s t s i t i n t o t h e m a l e ' s h a n d s , HE r e a d s . T h e WORKMAN w a v e s o f f s t a g e and barks incoherent orders everywhere. The stage i s flooded with WORKMEN who i n a flurry o f activity a n d noise;. like a swarm o f bees.dismantle t h e set. T h e WORKMAN barks orders into h i swalkie-talkie and looks up a t t h e lights. The lights begin t o go o u t o n e b y o n e . One o f t h e WORKMEN  grabs their clothes off<>the tree. others whisk o f f t h e table and chairs. Suddenly a l l the sets« houses/bridge/ gondola/trees/lights. disappear into the flies and wings. The lights a r e still going o u t one b y o n e . A l lt h e men disappear a n d t h e WORKMAN goes u p t o t h e couple. He takes a small clipboard from h i spocket and shoves i t along with a pen into t h e male s hands.) 1  WORKMAN,  (To t h e incredulous male,) Sign a t t h e bottom please,  ( H E s i g n s . T h e W O R K M A N w a l k s o f f s t a g e . A_ m o m e n t t h e n t h e WORKMAN s h o u t s f r o m t h e w i n g s . ) WORKMAN.  H e y ! ...  H e y y o u ! ...  passes  G e t t h e h e l l o f ft h eq u a y  (The two -slip into t h e water since they have nowhere else to go. The quay swings back into t h e wings. The lights a r e going o u t one by one. They tread water.) HE.  Swim i n that direction (HE indicates t o t h e rear o f the stage.) and shout i fyou find something t o hang onto. I'll t r ythis way, (HE points t o t h e wings.)  (As they disappear from sight the lights go out completely• In the darkness all that is heard is their swimming away from each other. The swimming fades. stops») HE.  (Faint, panicky.) Hey! Can you hear me! Where are you  (Silence.) HE.  (Swimming back.) Hey! Hullo! (HE stops  swimming«)  (Silence.) HE. SHE. HE, SHE. HE. SHE.  Where are (Faint.) No. Have Nol Where are Here!  HE. SHE.  Start counting and I'll swim towards the sound! O n e ! T w o ! T h r e e ! F o u r ! F i v e ! S i x ! 5even!  (HE swims then  you! Have you found you?!  anything?!  you?!  stops.)  HE. SHE. HE. SHE.  Now I'll count and you swim towards me! (Still faint.) O.K. One! Two! Hey! Hullo! Don't start counting again! Pick up where I left off! HE. What number did you stop at?! SHE. I can't remember! Start at fourteen or something! HE. Fourteen! Fifteen! Sixteen! Thirty-eight! Seventy-one Fourty-two! Sixty-nine! Ninety-six! Four million six hundred: and thirty-seven thousand four hundred! and twenty nine decimal three six eight four! (SHE swims towards him, When he finishes the last number stops to listen but her swimming has stopped..) HE.  Hey! Where are you!  (Silence.) HE.  Can you hear me!  (Silence.) HE.  Has anything happenedi?! Are you  alright!  he  (Silence.) HE. SHE. HE. SHE.  HE. SHE. HE. SHE. HE. SHE. HE. SHE. HE. SHE. HE. SHE.  (Screaming i n full voice. like £ wounded animal.) Hullo!!! (Very close t o HIM, very intimate. quiet.) Stop s h o u t i n g , I'm r i g h t h e r e . How c o m e y o u r . e n o t m a k i n g a n y n o i s e ? F o r one thing you're splashing so much you wouldn't hear a battleship come barreling up your a s s and secondly why don't you t r y floating on your back? O h . (_He f l o a t s o n h i s b a c : k . ) H e y , t h a t ' s a l r i g h t . Isn't this nice? G i v e m e y o u r h a n d ' . ... W e l l ? I've got i t stretched out. Hmf. Why d o n ' t y o u w a v e i t a r o u n d a n d I ' l l w a v e m i n e a r o u n d a n d h o p e t h a t w e ' l l h i t ... There i t i s . Y e a h , t h e r e j i t i s b u t t h a t ' s n o t my h a n d . (Laughs.) Isn't this nice? Yes, this i s very nice. I t rather limits one's choices, Yes. Y o u ' r e s o b e a u t i f u l a n d I'm s o b e a u t i f u l , a l l t h a t ' s w a s t e d ; now i n t h i s d a r k n e s s .  84  HE.  You're so beautifuland I'm so beautiful...  SHE. HE.  You know what I want to do? Hey! ... Look there is no way unless one of us is drowned in the process.  (SHE HE.  SHE.  laughs.) It's not funny. Nothing is funny. This is not funny. I mean, what are we going to do? Just float around holding hands. I despise zoos. A zoo is created by people and since it s created it's an act of expression. The people are expressing their feeling of being animals, specimens in a zoo. Once when I was strolling through the zoo I was struck by a sickening idea, what if all the Keepers left or died? I became nauseated. I was in despair as if my execution was only moments a w a y . Then another time I saw a ship, a huge tanker at night, gliding through the water and it only displayed one light on a mast. It seemed odd. A black silhouette of a ship, the zoo ship, abandoned: by the Keepers ... r  85  HE.  SHE. HE. SHE. HE. SHE.  HE.  Of course, we could meet with others. There might be others. Thenwe could have children with a little help. And when we die the children could use our skins and bones to start a raft. We'll have to have lots of children so there can be a lot of material from which to build the raft. If there are others. Yeah. I'm frightened, Why. I just noticed I'm losing my sensitivity. The cold water is numbing me. I can barely feelyour hand holding mine... Let me bite you ...  (HE bites her  hand.)  SHE.  (SHE gives a cry of pain.) Ahhh. So long as  HE. SHE. HE.  there is pain I'm still alive, So this is the way it is ... (Hollowly.) I do love you, I have always loved you ... (Hollowly.) I have always loved you, I will always love you ...  SHE. HE. SHE.  Is that all thereis .... Did you really want to go to the theatre .... I wanted to lie on the mountain top in the grass under the stars with you in me ...  (High above the stage the silhouetteof a tanker passes with a single light on the mast. HE begins to hum a tango tune. 5HE joins in. Curtain.)  END  

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