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Shifting ground: finding a feminist research voice through an evaluation of an ESL curriculum Mackie, Ardiss Emilie 1994

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SHIFTING GROUND: FINDING A FEMINIST RESEARCH VOICE THROUGH AN EVALUATION OF AN ESL CURRICULUM by ARDISS EMILIE MACKIE B.Ed. Concordi a University , 198 3 A THESIS SUBMITTED IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF MASTER OF ARTS in THE FACULTY OF GRADUATE STUDIES (Department o f Languag e Education ) We accep t thi s thesi s a s conformin g to th e require d standar d THE UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA October, 199 4 © Ardis s Emili e Mackie , 199 4 In presentin g thi s thesi s i n partia l fulfilmen t o f th e requirement s fo r a n advance d degree a t th e Universit y o f Britis h Columbia , I  agre e tha t th e Librar y shal l mak e i t freely availabl e fo r referenc e an d study . I  furthe r agre e tha t permissio n fo r extensiv e copying o f thi s thesi s fo r scholarl y purpose s ma y b e grante d b y th e hea d o f m y department o r b y hi s o r he r representatives . I t i s understoo d tha t copyin g o r publication o f thi s thesi s fo r financia l gai n shal l no t b e allowe d withou t m y writte n permission. (Signature)Department o f l^/WjjA/^  'ihy^j^J The Universit y o f Britis h Columbi a Vancouver, Canad a Date Q c f e W B  .  m f DE-6 (2/88 ) i i Abs t rac t This stud y addresse s th e proble m o f evaluatin g one' s ow n work, i n thi s cas e a  task-base d ES L (Englis h a s a  Secon d Language ) for Busines s curriculum , usin g a  participator y mode l o f evaluation . Participatory evaluatio n allow s fo r th e traditiona l role s o f researcher an d researche d t o b e reverse d i f participant s s o choose . The stud y als o focusse s o n th e proces s o f chang e i n researche r perspective toward s feminis t researc h theme s tha t I  experienced , and th e lin k betwee n thes e theme s an d th e evaluatio n study . Th e participants i n th e evaluatio n stud y include d 1 1 adul t ES L students , their ES L instructo r an d Busines s professor , thei r cours e advisor , and myself . In th e evaluatio n study , studen t an d staf f participatio n preferences resulte d i n traditiona l form s o f dat a collection , namel y questionnaire, interview , an d discussion . A n analysi s o f thes e uncovered specifi c issue s relate d t o th e ES L fo r Busines s Curriculu m such a s studen t an d staf f difficultie s i n workin g wit h a  ne w program. Als o emergin g fro m th e studen t an d staf f dat a wer e findings relate d t o th e discrepanc y betwee n task-base d curricul a and th e rea l lif e task s o f studyin g i n conten t courses : student s preferred teacher-fronte d instructio n i n th e ES L suppor t cours e which wa s als o th e typ e o f instructio n i n th e Marketin g course . My reflection s o n participatio n i n thi s mode l o f evaluatio n revealed powerful , persona l connection s t o th e evaluatio n process . Alternative source s dat a i n th e for m o f creativ e text s i i i (poetry an d autobiography ) wer e include d t o expres s th e persona l dimension o f th e study . Th e stud y weave s theme s suc h a s vulnerability, livin g withi n th e hierarchy , contradiction , an d th e power o f th e persona l wit h th e shif t fro m a  traditiona l researc h perspective t o a n alternativ e on e embracin g feminis t principles . Table o f Content s Abs t rac t Table o f Content s List o f Table s List o f Figure s List o f Poem s Acknowledgement Introduction Looking Bac k Purpose, Problem , an d Researc h Question s History o f th e ES L fo r Busines s Curriculu m Evaluation o f th e ES L fo r Busines s Curriculu m Feminist Principles/Theme s Written For m o f th e Thesi s Duet o f Recover y Recognizing th e Sel f The Silen t Sel f Vulnerabili ty First Word s Duet o f Connectio n Public an d Privat e Role s Letting G o Duet o f Contradictio n Living withi n th e Hierarch y Many Truth s V Duet o f Relatio n 9 3 Relating t o Wor k 9 4 Power o f th e Persona l 9 7 Ini t iat ion 10 3 Coda 11 1 References 11 4 Appendixes A ES L Students ' Backgroun d Informatio n 12 3 Questionnaire B ES L fo r Business/Managemen t Sectio n Studen t 12 7 Questionnaire C ES L Instructor' s Backgroun d Questionnair e 14 3 D ES L Instructor' s Questionnair e 14 5 E Busines s Professor' s Questionnair e 14 9 F Internationa l Studen t Advisor' s Questionnair e 15 1 G Smal l Grou p Discussio n Question s 15 3 H Individua l Studen t Narrative s 15 4 I Invitatio n t o Participat e i n th e Evaluatio n 15 5 J Exten t an d Typ e o f Participatio n i n th e Evaluatio n 15 6 K Lette r t o OU C Staff : Recommendation s fo r th e 15 8 ESL fo r Busines s Progra m L Participan t Consen t For m 16 0 List o f Table s Table 1  Difference s Note d b y Student s Betwee n Regular ES L an d ES L fo r Busines s Table 2  Students ' Recommendation s fo r th e ES L for Busines s Cours e Table 3  Comment s Regardin g Ho w ES L fo r Busines s Helped i n Busines s Course s Table 4  Reporte d Grade s fo r Marketin g an d Management Course s Table 5  Studen t Citation s Regardin g Languag e Improvement V l l List o f Figure s Figure 1  Example  o f Wee k On e Task s fro m th e ES L fo r 1 2 Business Curriculu m Figure 2  Summar y o f Feminis t Principles/Theme s Base d 2 3 on Coo k an d Fono w (1990) , an d Weile r (1988 ) Figure 3  Framewor k fo r th e Stud y 2 5 Figure 4  Skeleto n Outlin e o f th e Thesi s For m 3 3 V l l l List o f Poem s Low Dow n 4 0 Set Yoursel f Dow n 4 3 Vulnerability 5 0 My Inquir y 5 6 My Drea m 6 6 May-December 7 4 Preparing 8 1 Slipping Beyon d 8 7 The An t 9 4 Dear Reade r 9 8 Ini t ia t ion 10 5 ix Acknowledgement My heartfel t thank s ar e extende d to : the student s an d staf f i n th e evaluatio n fo r sharin g thei r tim e an d honesty wit h me ; Charlotte Vankataranam , Eilee n Truscott , an d Lian e Voormei j fo r their encouragin g comment s o n th e firs t draft ; Rick Goulde n fo r hi s stimulatin g an d in-dept h critiqu e o f th e firs t and secon d drafts ; Rishma Dunlo p wh o share d he r inspirin g thesi s wit h me ; Betty Macki e fo r typin g th e tapescript s an d fo r th e strengt h sh e ha s always portrayed ; Beth Macki e an d Lauri e Bake r fo r thei r insigh t int o th e meanin g o f this document ; Franklin Kan e fo r believin g i n alternativ e voices ; Rick Berwic k fo r hi s flexibility , support , an d constanc y i n bein g a n advisor; Jane Thoma s whos e comment s challenge d m e intellectuall y an d rhetorical ly; Carl Legg o fo r supportin g poetr y i n th e worl d an d i n m y thesis ; the staf f a t th e UB C Extensio n Librar y whos e efficien t servic e helped m y researc h immensely ; Jack Forbe s wh o believe s i n me . 1 Introduction "Bowed dow n b y th e weigh t o f th e subjec t whic h yo u have lai d upo n m y shoulders , I  pondere d it , an d mad e i t wor k in an d ou t o f m y dail y life " (Woolf , 1929 , p . 6) . 2 Looking Bac k This sectio n o f th e Introductio n provide s a  retrospectiv e account o f th e study . Durin g th e summe r sessio n o f 199 3 a t th e University o f Britis h Columbi a (UBC) , I  decide d tha t fo r m y thesi s I woul d evaluat e a  curriculu m tha t I  ha d co-writte n a  mont h earlier i n m y capacit y a s Englis h a s a  Secon d Languag e (ESL ) Instructor a t Okanaga n University-Colleg e (OUC) . Th e ES L fo r Business Curriculu m (Cook e &  Mackie , 1993 ) ha d bee n requeste d by th e Internationa l Educatio n (IE ) Offic e a t OU C i n orde r t o mee t the need s o f internationa l student s wh o wer e intereste d i n pursuing busines s careers . Th e curriculu m ha d attempte d t o pu t into practic e interactionis t perspective s o f task-base d curricul a in ESL . I  wrot e th e thesi s proposa l tha t summe r an d include d literature fro m genera l an d ES L curriculu m evaluation . Th e firs t issue I  ha d t o confron t wa s th e potentia l bia s o f evaluatin g m y own work , s o m y researc h question s wer e concerne d wit h th e extent tha t participants , mysel f included , woul d involv e themselves i n th e evaluatio n an d wit h th e effec t o f a  task-base d curriculum o n participants . During tha t summe r session , I  als o ha d th e pleasur e o f attending tw o course s whic h wer e give n b y professor s intereste d in feminism . Throug h thes e courses , I  underwen t a  proces s o f consciousness-raising relate d t o m y role s a s a  studen t an d a s a woman. I  bega n t o se e th e hierarchica l relationship s betwee n theory an d practic e i n ESL , betwee n teacher s an d students , 3 between writin g a s a  researche r an d a s a  woman . I  trie d t o appl y the awarenes s tha t I  ha d gaine d fro m th e course s t o m y thesi s proposal b y usin g a  participator y mode l o f evaluatio n i n whic h th e hierarchical orde r o f researche r an d researche d i s reversed , thereby allowin g eac h participan t a  voic e i n th e evaluatio n process . While th e ES L fo r Busines s cours e go t underwa y i n th e fal l of 1993 , I  bega n feminis t reading s whic h introduce d m e t o othe r ways o f viewin g an d writin g research , i n particula r th e majo r feminist premis e tha t "th e persona l i s th e political" . Upo n firs t reading thi s premise , i t seeme d t o m e lik e a  feminis t sloga n carrying littl e meanin g fo r th e evaluation . Ye t thi s sloga n worke d its wa y int o m y research , an d created , ove r a  five-mont h period , fundamental change s i n ho w I  viewe d th e researc h an d m y rol e a s researcher. Th e change s bega n b y askin g mysel f ho w thi s premis e related t o m y researc h settin g beyon d m y dua l rol e a s curriculu m writer/evaluator, an d wha t wa s persona l abou t m y project . It wa s no t unti l January , 199 4 tha t I  realize d th e answer s to thes e questions . Althoug h thes e realization s wer e deepl y personal, I  no w understan d thei r relevanc y a s the y underpinne d the rational e fo r th e stud y an d th e evaluatio n mode l I  adopted . I n the traditio n o f certai n ES L progra m evaluation s an d feminis t literature I  ha d bee n readin g about , I  wante d t o b e sincer e an d open abou t th e persona l dimensio n i n th e evaluatio n process . However, doin g s o mean t placin g mysel f i n a  vulnerabl e position , 4 and s o I  rejecte d immediatel y a  researc h framewor k whic h coul d leave m e vulnerable . M y mainl y positivis t ES L educatio n ha d no t prepared m e fo r recognizin g an y persona l involvement , le t alon e articulating it , fo r doin g s o wa s perceive d t o b e "bad " research . Rejecting it , then , mean t I  ha d learne d m y lesson s well . In keepin g wit h m y origina l researc h design , I  bega n t o invite th e student s an d staf f t o participat e i n th e stud y durin g the winte r semester . Whe n the y ha d chose n ho w the y wishe d t o participate, I  designe d th e questionnaire s an d collecte d an d reviewed th e data , a s the y ha d requested , whil e continuin g t o read abou t feminis m i n academi c settings . Whil e th e dat a revealed man y conflictin g statements , simila r theme s als o emerged. On e overridin g them e wa s th e students ' struggl e t o understand an d us e thei r secon d languag e fo r th e purpos e o f learning Busines s conten t fro m th e Marketin g an d Managemen t courses i n whic h the y wer e enrolled . I  relate d strongl y t o man y of thei r feelings , suc h a s vulnerabilit y an d frustration , a s I  wa s experiencing simila r ones , albei t fo r a  differen t reason , i n th e on-going proces s o f studyin g m y ow n work . That m y ES L educatio n wa s a t odd s wit h m y desir e t o embrace th e dualit y o f th e researc h wa s a  struggl e fraugh t wit h tension, resolve d b y furthe r questionin g an d feminis t reading . When th e dualit y imag e becam e mor e clear , i t seeme d t o m e tha t even a  positivis t researcher , lik e myself , I  woul d hav e t o b e sincere abou t th e researc h process . 5 Throughout th e perio d I  hav e jus t described , I  wrot e poetr y and kep t a  journa l ( a pastim e fo r som e years ) althoug h originall y I ha d no t th e intentio n o f usin g the m i n th e thesis . I  als o bega n t o invite facult y a t UB C t o joi n m y thesi s committe e wh o the n advised m e o n th e questionnaires , an d on e o f th e members , a  poet , put m e i n touc h wit h anothe r studen t wh o ha d jus t defende d a thesis whic h containe d he r poetr y a s th e sourc e o f dat a (Dunlop , 1994). A t tha t point , I  starte d imaginin g th e possibilit y o f writing a  thesi s whic h embrace d no t onl y feminis t principle s bu t also a  feminis t expressio n o f m y experienc e o f th e research . For th e initia l meetin g wit h th e committee , I  ha d prepare d myself t o b e a s ope n wit h the m a s I  coul d abou t m y struggl e t o recognize th e researc h proces s i n a  holisti c way . Fortunately , they seeme d t o identif y wit h wha t I  wa s saying , an d permitte d me t o includ e alternativ e source s o f dat a tha t woul d mor e appropriately expres s th e struggl e o f shiftin g ground . I the n interrelate d th e variou s source s o f dat a I  ha d collected: dat a take n fro m th e questionnaires , discussion s an d individual narrative s fro m student s an d staff , a s wel l a s non -traditional dat a i n th e for m o f poetr y an d autobiographica l tex t on th e evaluatio n process . M y origina l researc h question s wer e expanded t o reflec t th e evaluatio n proces s an d th e proces s o f adopting a  feminis t researc h perspective . This stud y i s significan t i n ES L i n that , a s participator y evaluation i s rarel y adopted , th e evaluatio n serve s a s a  mode l fo r 6 involving student s an d staf f i n a  mor e non-hierarchica l way . Those whos e voice s ar e no t ofte n hear d fin d expressio n i n thi s research. I n addition , ES L researcher s d o no t commonl y reflec t upon thei r rol e i n th e researc h process . B y adoptin g feminis t themes, thi s stud y examine s th e rol e o f th e researcher , fro m a n inside perspective , a s I  shifte d fro m a  fairl y traditiona l groun d t o an alternativ e one . A s a  result , alternativ e form s o f dat a hav e been integrate d wit h mor e traditiona l ones . I t seem s appropriate , then, t o expres s m y voic e i n th e firs t person , i n th e for m o f poetry an d autobiography , whic h constitut e som e o f th e data . Finally, th e recommendation s fro m th e evaluatio n ca n b e use d t o improve thi s particula r progra m a s issue s concernin g task-base d curricula ar e addresse d throug h a  specifi c context . Purpose. Problem , an d Researc h Question s In thi s study , I  explor e th e publi c an d privat e experienc e o f evaluating a  task-base d curriculu m i n ES L whic h I  co-developed . My purpos e i n choosin g a  thesi s topi c focussin g o n a  documen t I had co-writte n wa s t o follo w i t t o th e classroo m an d lear n ho w i t became a  live d curriculum . However , a s th e projec t unfolded , I found tha t evaluatin g m y wor k involve d mor e o f mysel f tha n th e role o f positivis t researcher , an d tha t thi s experienc e expose d areas o f relevan t bu t persona l source s o f data . I n attemptin g t o "break awa y fro m th e orientatio n tha t ma y blin d [me] " (Aoki , 1992, p . 20) , thi s stud y document s th e experienc e o f shiftin g 7 from a  positivis t methodolog y t o on e whic h integrate s persona l inquiry. A  feminis t vie w o f th e researcher' s rol e enable d m e t o revise th e project , recognizin g th e conscientizatio n process , an d broadening th e researc h perspectiv e fro m a n evaluatio n o f a curriculum-as-document t o a n exploratio n o f th e publi c an d private experienc e withi n th e evaluatio n study . Th e evaluatio n became th e vehicl e fo r a  journe y o f unravelin g th e connection s between sel f an d research . Informed b y interdisciplinar y feminis t readings , th e stud y addresses th e proble m o f conciliatin g th e tensio n generate d b y evaluating one' s work . Th e tensio n wa s experience d i n m y different role s i n wor k an d a t home : a s curriculu m co-develope r and curriculu m evaluator , a s researche r an d spouse , an d a s student an d teacher/researcher . Th e stud y unveil s th e layer s o f experience, an d th e connectednes s an d contradiction s o f thos e layers withi n th e evaluation . I n Grumet' s (1992 ) sense , I  hav e attempted t o creat e a  dialecti c t o b e rea d a s " a phenomenologica l examination o f th e relationshi p o f on e perso n t o hi s o r he r world " (p. 30) . As feminis t research , thi s wor k i s frame d b y th e premise s of consciousness-raisin g a s transformin g (fo r example , transforming th e subject-objec t distinction) , affectiv e experience a s legitimat e knowledge , an d dua l realit y a s a n acknowledged them e i n researc h (Coo k &  Fonow , 1990 ; Weiler , 1988). A  participator y mode l o f evaluatio n allow s thes e 8 premises t o b e pu t int o practice . Th e researc h question s fo r thi s study wer e develope d fro m tw o perspectives . Fro m th e perspective o f feminis t research , th e question s were : Wha t relationship exist s betwee n th e publi c an d privat e role s i n researching? Wha t typ e o f dat a expresse s th e tensio n o f dua l roles i n research ? Fro m th e perspectiv e o f evaluatin g a  task -based curriculum , th e question s were : T o wha t exten t wil l thos e involved i n th e curriculu m participat e i n th e evaluation ? Wha t i s the effec t o f a  task-base d curriculu m o n participants ? Ho w i s such a  curriculu m articulated ? In gatherin g dat a t o addres s th e evaluatio n researc h questions, I  hav e followe d othe r ES L progra m evaluator s suc h a s Alderson (1992) , Mitchel l (1990) , Re a (1987) , an d Ullma n (1990 ) who favou r a  multidimensiona l approac h t o dat a collection , o r triangulation. Triangulatio n provide s fo r a  richer , mor e soli d ground fo r informe d stud y (Ullman , 1990 ) tha n a  singl e metho d does an d allow s fo r a s man y voice s a s ther e ar e participant s i n the evaluation . I  addresse d th e feminis t researc h question s b y gathering an d writin g poetr y an d autobiographica l texts . Regarding th e evaluatio n questions , I  collecte d dat a fro m studen t and staf f questionnaire s (se e Appendice s A  -  F  fo r copies) , smal l group discussion s (se e Appendi x G  fo r a  copy) , an d individua l student narrative s (se e Appendi x H  fo r a  copy) . 9 History o f th e ES L fo r Busines s Curriculu m At OUC , th e I E Offic e an d th e ES L Departmen t provid e programs fo r internationa l student s comin g mainl y fro m Pacifi c Rim countries , especiall y Japan , a s wel l a s Canadian s an d lande d immigrants. Staf f i n th e I E Offic e perceive d a  nee d fo r a  progra m that woul d enabl e student s t o pursu e a  Busines s career . Th e two -year colleg e diplom a i n Busines s i s close d t o internationa l students, ye t Busines s i s a  popula r caree r pat h fo r the m a s man y come fro m familie s wh o ow n businesse s an d other s ar e interested i n eithe r ownin g o r workin g i n a  business . Therefore , an eight-mont h certificat e progra m wa s develope d whic h woul d meet th e nee d o f thi s population . Responding t o a  reques t i n th e sprin g o f 199 3 fro m th e I E Office, anothe r ES L instructo r an d I  wrot e th e Englis h fo r Business Curriculu m ove r a  five-wee k perio d i n Ma y an d June , 1993. W e ha d a  backgroun d i n ESL , includin g undergraduat e degrees i n teachin g ESL , ES L teachin g experience , secon d languag e learning experience , an d th e experienc e o f livin g an d workin g i n another culture . I  ha d previousl y writte n curricul a an d textbooks , the othe r develope r ha d writte n classroo m materials , bu t neithe r of u s ha d a  Busines s background . An ES L instructo r wit h a  Bachelo r o f Commerc e an d Business Administration , a  Bachelo r o f Education , an d course s i n ESL wa s hire d t o teac h th e eight-mont h course . Sh e wa s no t a staff membe r durin g th e curriculu m developmen t tim e an d 10 therefore wa s no t include d i n th e developmen t process . Sh e ha d previous experienc e i n teachin g ES L an d Busines s English . In September , 1993 , th e eight-mont h ES L fo r Busines s Certificate bega n wit h 1 1 students : on e Korea n mal e wh o wa s th e only lande d immigrant , tw o female s fro m Thailand , on e Swis s female (wh o returne d hom e befor e th e en d o f th e program) , on e Swiss male , tw o female s an d thre e male s fro m Japan , an d on e female fro m Taiwan . Th e Englis h fo r Busines s cours e wa s on e o f five cours e requirement s fo r th e certificate . Tw o require d courses wer e Marketin g an d Management , an d tw o optiona l courses i n Accounting , Canadia n Management , o r Compute r Science complete d th e certificat e requirements . Before involvin g th e curriculu m developers , th e I E Offic e had articulate d an d advertise d th e purpose s o f th e cours e a s developing Englis h fo r Busines s an d supportin g th e student s i n their require d Marketin g an d Managemen t courses . Th e development o f th e ES L fo r Busines s Curriculu m wa s informe d from variou s theoretica l an d practica l orientations . A s dat a collected fro m th e ES L instructo r an d student s ofte n revea l tensions betwee n theoretica l an d practica l perspective s o f task -based curricula , i t i s importan t t o not e tha t th e mai n theoretica l orientations fo r th e curriculu m developmen t cam e fro m literatur e in curriculu m fo r ES L an d Englis h fo r Specifi c Purpose s (ESP) . A summary o f thi s literatur e follows . 11 Literature i n curriculu m fo r ES L (Breen , 1987 ; Krankhe , 1987; White , 1988 ) reflect s tw o curricula r paradigms : i n genera l terms, th e Conventional , Typ e A , Usage-oriente d paradig m whic h supports a  language-as-primary-nee d approac h an d th e Emergent , Type B , Use-oriente d paradig m whic h includ e task-base d an d content-based curricul a (se e Lon g &  Crookes , 1992 ; Martin , 1992 ; and Pica , Kanagy , &  Falodun , 1993) . Th e forme r typ e i s exemplified b y grammar , notional-functional , an d situationa l syllabi wherea s th e latte r i s exemplifie d b y th e us e o f tas k (defined below ) a s it s uni t o f analysis , initia l need s analysi s (described below) , an d focu s o n languag e learnin g a s a  process . These instructiona l plannin g value s ar e embodie d i n th e ES L fo r Business Curriculum . Definitions o f tas k hav e bee n broa d an d general , wit h agreement onl y i n tha t achievin g a  singl e definitio n ha s been problematic (Nunan , 1991) . Th e workin g definitio n guidin g th e development o f task s fo r th e ES L fo r Busines s Curriculu m wa s synthesized fro m Lon g an d Crooke s (1992 ) an d Pica , Kanagy , an d Falodun (1993) : a  tas k i s a  piec e o f meaningfu l wor k whic h proceeds toward s a  goal , an d involve s learner s i n interactiv e roles. A n exampl e o f th e task s i n th e curriculu m i s presente d i n Figure 1  s o tha t th e articulatio n o f th e workin g definitio n whic h guided th e developmen t o f th e ES L fo r Busines s Curriculu m ca n b e seen. MANAGEMENT COURSE WEEK 1 MANAGEMENT TOPIC/ TASK Prepare for Management course and labs. Note: Task components on the right continue throughout the course as needed on Monday and Friday or more if needed. TASK COMPONENTS 1. Rea d case study. •Prepare and ask questions for other team's response. 2. Respon d to other team's questions. •Organize answer using main points and supporting details. •Make notes to guide answer. •Speak coherently. RESPONSES TO POSSIBLE LANGUAGE NEEDS Old textbook* p. 63-64. •Use appropriate transition signals. •Make eye contact with audience. "Old Textbook=the management course textbook used the previous year. Figure 1 . Exampl e o f Wee k On e Task s fro m th e ES L fo r Busines s Curriculu m MANAGEMENT COURSE WEEK MANAGEMENT TOPIC/ TASK TASK COMPONENTS 3. Evaluat e oral responses to lab case studies •Cite specific examples of positive and negative aspects of other team's answers. •Suggest improvements to answers. 4. I n teams, ask and answer questions based on notes from lectures. •Collaborate with team mates to write questions for other teams to answer based on lecture notes •Answer other team's questions. RESPONSES TO POSSIBLE LANGUAGE NEEDS •Use vocabulary for recommending, for example, "We think/suggest/recommend that...". •Use the subjuntive, for example, "We recommend that he expand his answer." Figure 1  Cont'd . Exampl e o f Wee k On e Task s fro m th e ES L fo r Busines s Curriculu m 1 4 Long an d Crooke s (1992 ) suppor t thei r cas e fo r task-base d curricula usin g studie s i n secon d languag e acquisitio n research . Both Lon g an d Crooke s an d Pica , Kanagy , an d Falodu n (1993 ) cal l for a  student-centere d curriculu m wher e interactio n amon g classmates o r tex t i s necessitate d throug h th e task . Marti n (1992) addresse s th e nee d fo r curricul a i n ES L t o b e mad e a s specific t o students ' need s a s possible . Als o guidin g th e development o f th e curriculu m wa s Pica , Kanagy , an d Falodun' s clear an d usefu l tas k typology . Several othe r source s informe d curricula r development . These source s ma y b e define d a s "friendl y informants" , al l insiders t o th e program , wh o wer e availabl e throughou t th e development perio d an d wh o participate d i n th e initia l need s survey. Thes e "informants " include d fou r student s wh o woul d b e attending th e course , tw o Busines s professor s o f th e Marketin g and Managemen t courses , an d a n I E adviso r wh o ha d worke d i n Japan, th e countr y o f origi n fo r th e majorit y o f student s i n th e English fo r Busines s program . Evaluation o f th e ES L fo r Busines s Curriculu m In January , 1993 , afte r th e firs t hal f o f th e ES L fo r Business progra m ha d bee n completed , th e evaluatio n wa s undertaken o n m y ow n initiativ e wit h th e ai m o f presentin g i t a s my thesis . Durin g th e summe r sessio n I  hav e mentioned , a professor ha d advise d m e t o choos e a  thesi s topi c whic h involve d 1 5 work wit h whic h I  wa s currentl y involved . An d i t wa s fro m thi s advice an d fro m th e revelation s i n a  curriculu m analysi s pape r I will discus s late r tha t I  firs t considere d evaluatin g th e ES L fo r Business Curriculu m s o tha t I  migh t b e abl e t o observ e ho w i t became a  live d curriculum . When I  bega n readin g i n genera l curriculu m evaluatio n an d ESL curriculu m evaluation , I  wa s impresse d b y th e hones t accounts o f wha t actuall y happene d i n som e o f th e evaluatio n projects. Fo r example , Logsdon , Taylo r an d Blu m (1988 ) giv e a n honest accoun t o f th e evaluatio n o f a  paren t participatio n program. The y admi t tha t the y "wer e involve d i n a  comple x experience i n whic h on e learn s fro m mistake s an d problems " (p . 24). Wherea s th e projec t bega n a s "anothe r conventional , quasi -experimental study " (p . 24) , th e evaluator s change d thei r focu s t o a naturalisti c evaluatio n a s thi s allowe d them  t o accoun t fo r factors suc h a s meeting s an d teache r workload . The y wrot e honestly abou t th e "gory , privat e detai l rathe r than  [providing ] more polished , bu t les s informative , version s fo r th e sho p window" (Lon g &  Richards , 1992 , p . ix) . Similarly, i n Beretta' s (1992 ) introspectiv e accoun t o f th e well-known an d controversia l Bangalor e project , h e goe s s o fa r i n his honest y a s sayin g that , "i f I  ha d know n the n wha t I  kno w no w . .  .  ho w woul d I  hav e conducte d th e Bangalor e evaluation ? O n th e grounds tha t th e timin g wa s to o lat e an d th e purpos e to o ambiguous, I  migh t hav e politel y declined " (p . 263) . 1 6 Traditionally, whil e ES L instructio n i s ofte n evaluated , ES L curricula ar e no t (Mackay,  1994) , an d curricul a develope d b y th e ESL Departmen t a t OU C ar e n o exception . I n addition , whe n curriculum evaluatio n studie s i n ES L hav e bee n conducted , the y have traditionall y compare d tw o secon d languag e teachin g methods usin g quantitativ e data , fo r exampl e a  compariso n o f th e audiolingual an d th e cognitiv e cod e approache s t o secon d languag e instruction (Beretta , 1992a) . Suc h evaluation s hav e ofte n delivered uninterpretabl e result s wit h fe w usefu l recommendations regardin g curricula . I n contrast , evaluation s o f the 1990 s addres s a  multitud e o f purpose s an d audience s an d focus o n specifi c programs , curricula , an d teachers . Thi s specificity i s viewe d a s mor e helpfu l fo r stakeholder s a s recommendations pinpoin t issue s directl y relate d t o th e progra m (Alderson, 1992 ; Mackay , 1994) . A  1990 s mode l o f curriculu m evaluation fo r ES L i s participatory , an d wa s th e mode l adopte d for thi s evaluation , followin g Alderso n an d Scott' s (1992 ) Brazilian project . I t i s thi s mode l whic h allow s fo r th e expression o f participan t voices , an d i n th e cas e o f m y study , from student s t o researcher . Participatory evaluatio n ca n b e distinguishe d fro m mor e common form s o f progra m evaluatio n typicall y don e b y Jet-in -Jet-out-Experts, o r JIJOE s (Alderso n &  Scott , 1992) . JIJOE s spend som e tim e i n th e curriculu m evaluatio n sit e (usuall y unfamiliar t o them ) collectin g dat a an d the n reportin g back . Th e 1 7 curriculum project' s "hope s an d fears , it s background , histor y an d achievement o r otherwis e ar e supposedl y lai d bar e an d judgemen t passed b y thi s JIJOE , wh o ha s overnigh t adde d a n expertis e i n th e project t o th e alread y impressiv e lis t o f expertise " (p . 25) . Th e JIJOE i s therefor e a n outsider , an d th e evaluatio n ca n b e described a s top-down . In contrast , participator y evaluation , wher e evaluato r an d participants hav e th e opportunit y t o equaliz e thei r roles , ca n b e described a s bottom-up . I n thi s model , th e evaluato r work s wit h the othe r participant s i n plannin g an d executin g th e evaluatio n (Alderson an d Scott , 1992) , actin g a s advisor , consultant , o r expert, sharin g al l o r som e o f th e evaluatio n responsibilities . Respondents ar e include d i n an y o r al l aspect s o f th e evaluation , from decision-makin g t o tallyin g data . Patto n (1990 ) define s participatory evaluatio n a s " a proces s controlle d b y th e peopl e i n the progra m o r community . I t i s somethin g the y undertak e a s a formal, reflectiv e proces s fo r thei r ow n developmen t an d empowerment" (p . 129) . Usin g participator y evaluatio n i n a women's studie s program , Kirku p (1986 ) committe d th e stud y t o working cooperativel y wit h th e respondent s an d t o demystifyin g the evaluatio n process . I n participator y evaluation , inside r evaluators ar e welcome , i n fact , the y "hav e a n experienc e an d a knowledge o f a  progra m tha t ca n b e invaluabl e t o a n evaluation " (Beretta, 1992 , p . 279) . 1 8 I ha d severa l reason s fo r choosin g a  participator y mode l o f evaluation whic h welcome d insiders . First , i n m y rol e a s curriculum co-developer , I  kne w th e theoretica l an d conten t orientations, an d ha d a n advantageou s visio n a s t o thei r articulation. Cunliff e (1992 ) evaluate d a  curriculu m sh e ha d no t only develope d bu t taught , an d foun d that , whil e he r dua l rol e wa s a limitation , i t wa s als o advantageous . In addition , m y insider' s rol e woul d hel p connec t m e t o th e other participants ' experienc e o f th e curriculu m sinc e I  ha d been the teache r o f fou r o f th e student s wh o woul d b e participant s i n the evaluation . I n thi s sense , th e insider' s rol e i s simila r t o Aoki's (1986 ) descriptio n o f th e situationa l interpretiv e evaluator wh o "attempt s t o gai n insight s int o huma n experienc e as the y ar e experience d b y insiders , a s the y liv e withi n th e situation" (p . 33) . Th e perspectiv e o f th e insiders ' experienc e would als o accommodat e th e expressio n o f studen t an d staf f voices, ofte n unarticulate d i n ES L studies . Third, I  coul d b e ope n abou t th e evaluatio n bein g m y thesis . Alderson an d Scot t (1992) , too , ar e hones t abou t thei r motive s and interest s i n th e projec t sayin g tha t "w e wis h t o 'pu t ou r card s on th e table' , s o t o speak " (p.36) , an d stat e tha t Scott' s "motivation canno t b e describe d a s disinterested " (p . 37 ) a s h e had been  involve d i n th e Brazilia n curriculu m projec t fo r year s before th e evaluatio n began . 1 9 Participatory evaluatio n i s als o a  mode l tha t fulfille d th e feminist premise s framin g th e study : tha t consciousness-raisin g can b e transforming , tha t experienc e i s a  legitimat e sourc e o f data, an d tha t researc h ca n encompas s participants ' dua l reality . Reversing th e hierarchica l natur e o f researche r an d researche d would b e transformationa l a s studen t an d teache r participant s now hav e a  decision-makin g rol e wherea s I  woul d tak e o n th e rol e that the y assigne d t o me . Thi s evaluatio n mode l i n whic h th e researched becom e th e researcher s fro m th e desig n t o th e implementation o f th e evaluation , appeale d t o m y emergin g voice . The participant s wor k togethe r t o complet e th e project , b y th e "sharing o f decisional , plannin g role s a s wel l a s th e donkey-wor k amongst al l involved " (p . 38) . Al l ou r voice s woul d b e presen t i n the thesi s document , an d students ' an d staf f experiences , a s wel l as m y ow n a s a  woma n an d studen t researcher , woul d b e accounted for . In turn , th e theor y an d practic e dichotom y i n th e ES L profession coul d b e addresse d b y focusin g o n participants ' experiences, helpin g t o balanc e th e "examinatio n o f curricula , methods, o r material s i n whic h thes e ar e discusse d a s i f the y existed independentl y o f thei r us e b y teacher s [which ] reveal s positivist assumption s o f objectivit y i n whic h teacher s ar e cas t as subordinate " (Clarke , 1988 , p . 10) . Finally, Mackay' s (1994 ) experienc e ha s taugh t hi m tha t "evaluations whic h addres s discret e issue s ove r whic h progra m 2 0 personnel hav e som e o r tota l control " (p . 143 ) offe r mor e possibility fo r improvin g th e program . I  believe d thi s mode l o f evaluation woul d b e mos t usefu l i n buildin g th e progra m an d addressing particula r curricula r concerns . Becaus e i t wa s specific t o th e participants , th e document , an d th e institution , recommendations whic h ma y b e mad e woul d b e concret e an d useful. Participatory evaluatio n wa s pu t int o practic e i n th e following metho d fo r thi s study . Participant s selecte d th e natur e and exten t o f thei r involvement . Tw o brie f questionnaire s (se e Appendices I  an d J  fo r copies ) facilitate d th e selectio n proces s for student s an d th e ES L instructo r wh o al l chos e t o participate . Except fo r on e studen t wh o preferre d t o le t m e decid e ho w th e ESL fo r Busines s Curriculu m woul d b e evaluated , th e student s an d ESL instructo r chos e t o wor k wit h m e an d decid e wit h m e ho w th e evaluation woul d proceed . Seve n o f th e 1 2 (1 1 student s an d ES L instructor) decide d t o hol d smal l grou p discussions , wit h fiv e deciding t o hol d whol e clas s discussion s an d complet e questionnaires. Onl y tw o chos e clas s observatio n b y me . W e agreed tha t fo r al l decisions , th e evaluatio n woul d procee d wit h the vot e o f th e majority . To th e remainin g staf f participant s (tw o Busines s professors an d a n I E advisor) , I  offere d the m th e choic e o f participating i n an y wa y the y wished . Tw o chos e t o complet e a questionnaire, bu t onl y on e wa s returned . Th e thir d chos e a n 2 1 interview. M y ow n participatio n increase d fro m tha t o f designin g questionnaires t o finall y connectin g m y persona l roles . With cas e studie s a s smal l a s thi s on e wa s (1 5 participants : 11 students , a n ES L instructor , a  Busines s professor , a n I E advisor, an d researcher) , th e questio n o f generalizabilit y t o a larger populatio n i s a  potentia l limitatio n sinc e criteri a fo r generalizability includ e suc h factor s a s sampl e siz e an d characteristics. However , Clark e (1994 ) point s ou t tha t w e should b e establishin g a  differen t approac h t o ou r work , on e which doe s no t ai m fo r a  singl e trut h o r generalizabilit y bu t rather trustworthiness , suggestin g instea d tha t w e as k ourselve s whether ou r observation s fi t a  patter n tha t w e ca n trust . Feminist Principles/Theme s In thi s section , I  synthesiz e feminis t researc h themes/principles an d expan d o n thos e whic h frame d th e presen t study. I n th e mos t genera l terms , feminis t researc h i s tha t whic h attends t o th e gende r o f researcher s and/o r othe r researc h participants, focuse s o n qualitativ e experienc e particularl y o f the inner , persona l kind , an d enable s conscientizatio n o f participants (Coo k &  Fonow , 1990 ; Lather , 1988 ; Weiler , 1988) . In thi s study , gende r wa s considere d throug h mainl y m y experience a s a  researche r shiftin g t o a  feminis t perspective . I did no t attemp t a  gender-base d analysi s o f dat a fro m th e othe r research participants . 22 Feminist researc h embrace s severa l principle s o r theme s which distinguis h i t fro m othe r approache s t o research . I  hav e synthesized som e o f thes e distinctiv e theme s an d principle s i n Figure 2 . Feminis t principles/themes , however , shoul d no t b e taken a s writte n i n stone , fo r a s Coo k an d Fono w poin t out , "w e feel ther e i s n o 'correct ' feminis t methodology " (p . 72) . Regarding th e relatio n betwee n feminis t methodolog y an d researchers' values , Lathe r (1988 ) ask s feminis t researcher s t o examine thei r framework s o f understandin g s o tha t the y ma y b e critical o f th e tension s an d contradiction s the y entail . I n th e spirit o f Lather' s request , I  frame d th e presen t stud y usin g feminist premise s becaus e o f th e initia l tensio n involve d i n m y dual role s o f curriculu m evaluator/co-creato r fro m whic h emerged related , persona l data . Th e framewor k o f th e stud y i s given i n Figur e 3 , an d eac h o f th e premise s i s expande d below . I wil l discus s th e firs t premise , tha t consciousness-raising can be  transformational,  b y firs t examinin g "consciousness -raising" an d the n "transformational" . I  understan d consciousness -raising a s self-awarenes s i n relatio n t o th e socia l structur e an d in relatio n t o others , whic h ca n tak e plac e i n researc h whe n researchers acknowledg e thei r involvemen t i n research . Kirku p (1986) suggest s tha t th e acknowledgemen t o f researchers ' bia s a t such level s a s topic , method , an d dat a interpretatio n ca n mak e i t "accessible t o scrutiny " (p . 71) , thereb y raisin g thei r awarenes s of th e researc h proces s itself . 1. Attendin g t o gende r by : •focusing o n gende r o f researcher/researched ; •recognizing thei r live d experienc e b y fo r e.g. , creating a  ne w languag e base d o n actua l experience ; •not acceptin g researc h whic h use s male s a s normative; •revealing an d articulatin g publi c an d privat e r ea l i t i e s . 2. Consciousness-raisin g using : •feminist consciousnes s o f researcher ; •specific topics/techniques . 3 . Rejectin g subject/objec t distinctio n by : •a researc h proces s whic h make s object s subjects ; •participatory research ; •being critica l o f quantificatio n an d objectification ; •exploring researcher/researche d consciousnesses . 4. Examinin g ethica l concern s like : •biased language ; •gatekeeping practices ; •intervention i n participants ' persona l lives ; •participants' request s fo r information . 5. Transformin g women' s oppressio n by : •changing existin g order ; •awareness o f clas s an d race ; •making researc h usabl e b y women ; •attending t o policy . Figure 2 . Summar y o f Feminis t Principles/Theme s Base d o n Cook an d Fono w (1990 ) an d Weile r (1988 ) 24 However, th e exten t tha t researcher s accep t thei r involvement i n studie s varie s dependin g o n th e methodologica l paradigm tha t guide s thei r research . Grotjah n (1987 ) categorize s the paradigm s int o tw o pur e form s an d fiv e mixe d forms , eac h having it s ow n evaluatio n criteri a fo r objectivity . Th e firs t o r analytical-nomological for m i s concerne d wit h "th e exten t t o which th e result s o f measuremen t ar e independen t o f th e researcher an d o f thos e wh o scor e an d interpre t th e data " (p . 61 -62). Researcher s shoul d guar d agains t allowin g thei r selve s t o penetrate th e researc h process . The y shoul d remai n objective , and objectivit y i s characterize d a s bein g separat e fro m thei r object o f study . Therefore , thi s for m o f researc h contain s n o inherent possibilit y fo r th e consciousnes s o f th e researche r t o b e raised. With regar d t o subject/objec t concern , Gub a an d Lincol n (1988) mak e a  simila r distinctio n betwee n th e positivist/traditional an d th e naturalist/alternativ e paradigm s of inquir y statin g tha t th e researche r ca n maintai n objectivit y b y "erecting suitabl e safeguards " (p . 94) . Patto n (1988) , however , speculates tha t operatin g strictl y withi n on e paradig m o r anothe r "has significantl y diminishe d sinc e th e lat e 1970s " (p . 132) . In contras t t o th e positivist/analytical-nomologica l for m of inquir y i s th e exploratory-interpretativ e for m i n whic h "th e subject i s n o longe r regarde d a s a n objec t o f researc h .  .  .  bu t a s a knowing subject—significantl y als o referre d t o a s 'informant' — Participatory Evaluatio n Consciousness-raising •recognizing experienc e o f studying i n feminis t classes ; •inviting staf f an d student s to tak e o n rol e o f decision -maker i n evaluatio n process ; •exploring consciousnes s of researcher . Experience a s Vali d Knowledg e •including studen t an d staf f data o f live d experienc e of ; curriculum; •accepting poetr y a s data ; •creating a n alternativ e thesi i form t o expres s data . Dual Realit y •revealing privat e an d publi c experience o f researche r t o evaluation; •relating experience s o f staf f and student s wit h researcher' s experience. Figure 3 . Framewor k fo r th e Stud y on 2 6 who, i n principle , ha s equa l right s wit h th e researche r . . . " (Grotjahn, 1987 , p . 65) . Feminis t inquir y ha s a  simila r rol e t o th e exploratory-interpretive rol e fo r researchers , allowin g the m a connecting rol e t o thei r stud y wher e consciousnes s ca n b e raised . I note , however , tha t no t al l feminis t researcher s assig n a connecting rol e t o themselves , bu t ma y researc h withi n a positivist paradig m "i n orde r t o ad d t o th e bod y o f cumulativ e knowledge whic h wil l eventuall y hel p t o eliminat e sex-base d inequality" (Lather , 1988 , p . 571) . I n a n alternativ e feminis t view, th e researchers ' presenc e i s no t onl y acknowledge d bu t i s the locu s o f th e study . Rathe r than  bein g separate , researcher s become par t o r al l o f tha t whic h i s researched , an d th e separatio n of subject/objec t break s down . The secon d ter m o f th e premis e i s transformational . I  a m with How e (1983 ) wh o define s i t a s "changin g th e for m of " (p . 107). I  als o agre e wit h Lathe r (1988 ) wh o believe s tha t th e success o f studie s wher e object s becom e subject s i s determine d by th e degre e o f chang e whic h occur s a s a  resul t o f consciousness-raising. I t seem s t o me , however , tha t purportedl y inherent condition s fo r consciousness-raisin g an d then  chang e a s a resul t o f i t canno t guarante e th e certaint y o f either . I n othe r words, eve n thoug h w e creat e th e condition s fo r consciousness -raising an d resultin g change , i t i s possibl e tha t neithe r occur . For example , m y consciousnes s wa s raise d a s a  resul t o f teacher s and thei r curricul a durin g summe r school , ye t wer e th e othe r 27 students' consciousnesse s raised ? Eac h o f u s brough t t o th e class ou r individua l "curricula " whic h ma y o r ma y no t hav e bee n ready fo r consciousness-raising . In thi s study , th e consciousness-raisin g o f studen t an d staff participants , whil e i t wa s provide d fo r b y th e bottom-u p model o f evaluation , wa s limite d t o a  decision-makin g rol e an d the fulfillmen t o f tha t role . M y ow n consciousness-raisin g occurred a s a  resul t o f separat e experiences : on e a s a  studen t i n feminist-oriented classes , an d th e othe r fro m choosin g t o participate a s full y a s I  coul d an d thereb y purposel y investigatin g my relationshi p t o th e study . Th e potentia l fo r chang e i n th e ES L for Busines s progra m wa s provide d fo r b y th e recommendation s made b y th e participants . Related t o consciousness-raisin g i s th e secon d feminis t premise, th e acknowledgement  of  experience  as  data.  Stanle y an d Wise (1983 ) presen t th e importanc e o f experienc e i n th e following passage : Researchers' ow n experience s ar e a n integra l par t o f th e research an d .  .  .  mus t no t b e separated-of f fro m discussions o f researc h outcomes , (p . 51 ) W e se e th e presence o f th e researcher' s sel f a s centra l i n al l researc h . . .  One' s sel f canno t b e lef t behind , (p . 168 ) The persona l sid e o f lif e an d th e "passionat e desir e man y wome n scholars hav e t o integrat e th e persona l an d th e politica l int o ou r scholarship" (Christ , 1987 , p . 55 ) i s a t th e hear t o f feminis t 2 8 research an d it s methodologies . Lewi s (1990 ) comment s tha t th e feminist classroom , th e sourc e o f he r experientia l data , offer s "the opportunit y t o clai m relevanc e fo r th e live s [women ] liv e a s the sourc e o f legitimat e knowledge " (p . 485) . I n thi s evaluation , participant experience s wer e central . Th e students ' an d staf f experience o f workin g wit h th e documen t an d th e ne w program , and m y experienc e o f relatin g th e dualitie s o f researc h constitut e the dat a sources . What meanin g doe s th e abov e phrase , "th e dualitie s o f research", carry ? Feminis t researcher s an d writer s answe r tha t dual reality , th e las t premis e framin g thi s study , combine s "tw o separate consciousnesses : on e emergin g ou t o f [women's ] practical activitie s i n th e everyda y worl d an d on e inherite d fro m the dominan t tradition s o f thought " (Anderson , Armitage , Jack , & Wittner, 1990 , p . 97) . Thi s dua l realit y comprise d o f "task -oriented rhythm s o f housewor k an d childcar e an d th e time -oriented rhythm s o f th e workplac e an d th e school " (Graham , 1983 , p. 145 ) canno t b e capture d b y researc h whic h measure s th e publi c world alone . Weile r (1988 ) write s that , On th e on e hand , wome n kno w themselve s throug h th e mal e hegemonic visio n o f reality , i n whic h actin g subject s ar e men an d wome n ar e somethin g othe r . . . O n th e othe r hand , women a s huma n being s ar e subjects , an d hav e th e abilit y t o act an d t o critiqu e thei r ow n experience , eve n i f tha t capacity i s denie d i n structure s o f knowledg e an d i n th e 2 9 language itself . Therefor e wome n exis t i n a  peculia r tension o f bot h bein g subject s an d bein g denie d a s subjects . The recognitio n o f thi s dynami c ha s le d feminist s t o question th e abilit y o f mal e though t t o addres s an d adequately comprehen d th e experience s o f women . (p . 58 ) While positivis t researcher s ma y no t acknowledg e th e connectio n of thei r differen t worlds , non-traditiona l feminis t researcher s "are continuall y force d t o confron t thei r ow n doubl e consciousness i n th e proces s o f conductin g research " (Coo k & Fonow, 1990 , p . 88) . The y hav e a  "passionat e desire " (Christ , 1987, p . 55 ) t o complet e th e researc h pictur e b y includin g th e everyday, privat e sid e o f thei r dua l reality . I n thi s study , I  hav e tried t o recogniz e th e dualit y i n th e students ' lives , a s foreign/students an d immigrant/Canadians , a s wel l a s th e dualit y in m y lif e a s a  woman/researcher . Written For m o f th e Stud y To accommodat e consciousness-raising , th e experience s o f the curriculu m an d it s evaluation , an d th e dualitie s o f research , I have attempte d "t o mak e clear , evident , ou t i n th e open , thos e events, decisions , an d relationship s tha t hav e bee n invisibl e . . . " (Heilbrun, 1988 , p . 18) . Th e writin g whic h follow s th e Introduction i s presente d i n th e for m o f fou r duets . Hank s (1986 ) defines due t a s "a n actio n o r activit y performe d b y a  pai r o f closely connecte d individuals " (p . 472) . Imagin e tw o peopl e 30 seated a t a  piano . The y represen t m y publi c an d privat e personas . They als o represen t th e voice s o f th e staf f an d students . Eac h person/a ha s a  piec e o f musi c t o play , bu t whe n playe d together , the tw o piece s blen d int o one . Th e hand s ar e draw n fro m on e en d of th e keyboar d t o th e other , overlapping , an d touching , ye t th e music i s hopefull y hear d a s a  unifie d score . Eac h due t i s playe d by differen t pair s o f evaluatio n participants : a t times , b y m y private an d publi c personas , o r b y th e ES L instructo r an d me , while a t othe r times , b y th e student s an d me . Taubman (1992 ) als o use s th e metapho r o f th e due t t o portray th e relationshi p betwee n teachin g an d learning . H e describes a n experienc e whe n h e wa s chaperonin g a  dance , an d asked on e o f th e boy s t o danc e wh o le d an d Taubma n followed . H e writes tha t in som e way s th e danc e wa s simila r t o th e wa y I  wa s teaching then : exten d a  provocativ e invitatio n an d the n follow wher e th e studen t lead s unti l ther e remain s only  a duet of  two  people  moving  as  one  to  the  same  beat y which remains unconscious  [italic s added] , (p . 222 ) In contras t t o Taubman' s experience , th e creatio n o f th e due t o f voices wa s a  proces s o f becomin g conscious , organize d aroun d themes originatin g fro m m y due t wit h reality . Another musica l metapho r whic h ma y hel p th e reade r visualize th e writte n for m o f th e thesi s i s tha t o f performin g jazz. I n jazz , althoug h eac h musicia n take s a  tur n a t playin g solo , 3 1 his o r he r create d bea t contribute s t o th e overal l them e o f th e score. Similarly , i n th e writte n duet , eac h o f ou r voice s help s develop th e differen t theme s emergin g fro m th e data . The duet s disclos e th e privat e an d publi c experience s within th e evaluatio n environmen t an d ma y b e rea d a s a  dialectic , what Grume t (1992 ) call s "th e relationshi p o f on e perso n t o hi s o r her world " (p . 30) . Th e duet s weav e th e dat a whic h includ e autobiographical texts , poetry , introspectiv e comments , an d staf f and studen t comment s take n fro m th e questionnaires , smal l grou p discussions, an d individua l narrativ e data . Th e duet s revea l an d connect th e layer s o f participan t experienc e withi n th e evaluation proces s an d th e proces s o f shiftin g researc h ground . The duet s follo w a  certai n organization . Figur e 4  present s a skeletal outlin e o f th e due t organization . Thei r overridin g structure i s theme—recovery , connection , contradiction , an d relation—with eac h o f thes e containin g fro m tw o t o fou r relate d themes. Th e theme s aroun d whic h th e dat a ar e arrange d originated primaril y fro m th e poetry . Eac h sub-them e begin s with a n autobiographica l text , followe d b y poetr y an d note s o n the poems , the n studen t an d staf f comment s presente d i n raw , tabular, o r interprete d form . While Cixou s (1991 ) write s tha t "i t i s impossibl e t o defin e a feminin e practic e o f writing " (p . 340) , Joere s an d Mittma n (1993) includ e personal/autobiographica l writin g unde r th e heading o f essa y an d sugges t tha t "th e essay  i s i n man y way s th e 32 ideal for m fo r th e presentatio n o f feminis t ideas " (p . 19 ) becaus e of, amon g othe r reasons , "it s concer n wit h knowledg e tha t i s intimately connecte d wit h th e autho r . . . " (p . 19) . Many wome n hav e use d autobiographica l writin g t o expres s thei r experiences. Grume t (1992 ) write s tha t phenomenologica l autobiography ha s a n "emphasi s o n th e reciprocit y o f subjectivit y and objectivit y i n th e constitutio n o f meanings , it s attempt s t o describe immediate , preconceptua l experience , an d th e distancin g an d bracketing require d t o accomplis h thes e ends " (p . 33) . Th e autobiography seek s t o positio n m e withi n th e studie d environmen t (as object ) ye t a t th e sam e tim e wit h th e awarenes s tha t I  a m bein g researched (a s subject) . O f thi s dualit y fo r researchers , DuPlessi s (1990) write s tha t th e researche r finds sh e i s irreconcilabl e things : a n outside r b y he r gende r position, b y he r relatio n t o power ; ma y b e a n inside r b y he r social position , he r class . Sh e ca n b e both . He r ontological , her psychic , he r clas s positio n al l caus e doubleness . Doubled consciousness . Double d understandings . Ho w the n could sh e neglec t t o inven t a  for m whic h produce s thi s incessant, critical , splittin g motion . (p . 8 ) Several example s o f autobiographica l text s i n educatio n an d literary criticis m brin g thos e element s o f persona l theme s an d connected experienc e together , an d hav e presente d m e wit h alternative form s o f thesi s writing . L u (1987 ) chronicle s th e dualit y of growin g u p i n Communis t Chin a bu t raise d b y a  mothe r DUET TITLES / SUB-TITLES Recoverv Recognizing th e Sel f Connection Public an d Privat e Roles Contradiction Many Truth s Relation Ini t ia t ion AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF RESEARCHER/ WOMAN Unexpected par t ic ipa t ion Researcher an d m o t h e r Dichotomous experience o f shifting groun d Curriculum wor k POETIC DATA FROM RESEARCHER/ WOMAN "Low Down " "My Dream " "Slipping Beyond " "Init iat ion" DATA FROM STUDENTS AND STAFF Students' nee d for chang e How curriculu m helped student s Studying wit h Canadians Working wit h Canadians Figure 4 . Skeleto n Outlin e o f Thesi s For m 34 who believe d i n a  Wester n humanisti c tradition . He r primar y experiences ar e draw n fro m he r educationa l experienc e i n Chin a where sh e ha d t o confron t th e contradiction s o f readin g an d writing abou t officia l Communis t polic y an d th e othe r trut h sh e was learnin g a t home . Krall (1988) , writin g o f bein g a  chairperson , include s bot h her introspectio n o n women' s statu s i n th e worl d an d withi n academia an d he r day-to-da y experienc e o f chairing . Griffi n (1993) illustrate s he r creativ e essa y o n relatin g privat e an d public form s o f writin g wit h th e childhoo d experienc e o f wantin g a pai r o f re d shoes . I n Dunlop' s (1994 ) thesis , sh e articulate s he r concept o f persona l curriculu m throug h poetry , quotation s an d notes arrange d aroun d theme s suc h a s death , marriage , an d language a s power . Poetry , too , a s wel l a s othe r form s o f ar t such a s novels , painting , an d musi c ca n accoun t fo r richnes s o f experience i n a  wa y tha t othe r text s canno t (Bridwell-Bowles , 1992; DuPlessis , 1990 ; Va n Manen , 1990) . In Due t o f Recovery , fo r example , th e autobiograph y describes th e publi c recover y o f m y voic e throug h consciousness -raising. Th e poetr y speak s t o th e privat e experienc e o f findin g another voic e an d i s wove n wit h th e studen t experienc e o f usin g a second languag e an d th e staf f experienc e o f communicatin g within thi s ne w program . In expressin g th e experience s o f evaluatin g a  curriculu m that I  co-developed , I  hav e attempte d a  writte n for m whic h I  hop e 35 accounts fo r th e qualitativ e richnes s o f th e researc h experience . I hav e als o attempte d a  for m whic h doe s no t plac e m y experienc e in a  positio n o f authority . Rather , th e for m seek s " a statemen t that i s ope n t o th e reader , no t bette r tha n th e reader " (DuPlessis , 1990, p . 5 ) o r th e voice s o f th e othe r researc h participants . M y intent ha s bee n t o creat e a  tex t whic h account s fo r ou r experiences i n a  holisti c way . Th e staf f an d studen t data , therefore, ar e wove n wit h m y ow n persona l an d publi c data . Rather tha n quantifyin g th e data , I  hav e chose n t o gathe r an d relate t o them . During a  summe r sessio n a t UBC , whe n I  bega n t o understan d that th e experientia l an d persona l sid e o f m y forma l educatio n i n ESL ha d bee n largel y absent , I  ha d a  curiosit y an d a  yearnin g t o touch, an d i n s o doing , validat e th e unspoke n throug h thi s study . The validatio n begin s wit h ho w m y voic e wa s recovere d a  yea r ago. 3 6 Duet o f Recover y "I wil l g o o n adventuring , changing , openin g m y min d and m y eyes , refusin g t o b e stampe d an d stereotyped . Th e thing i s t o fre e one' s self : t o le t i t fin d it s dimensions , no t be impeded " (Woolf , 1953 , p . 261) . 37 Recognizing th e Sel f The autobiographica l tex t i n thi s due t relate s a transformation o f a n academi c voic e informe d b y outsid e authority an d theoretica l knowledg e t o on e informe d b y a  sens e o f self an d persona l knowledge . Belenky , Clinchy , Goldberger , an d Tarule (1986 ) foun d tha t a s wome n develo p thei r ow n voice , the y also develo p a n awarenes s o f self . The y writ e tha t a  "relativ e lack o f self-knowledg e prevent s wome n fro m findin g point s o f connection betwee n wha t the y ar e tryin g t o understan d an d thei r own experience " (p . 141) . The experienc e o f examinin g self , it s role s an d thei r relation t o researc h involve d firs t a  movemen t o f th e sel f fro m unknown t o known . Th e know n sel f enable s m e t o personaliz e learning, somethin g whic h th e unknow n sel f coul d no t do . Self -knowledge, a s i t i s relevan t t o thi s study , evolve d throug h severa l experiences an d reading s whic h helpe d t o destabiliz e m y grounding an d dependenc y o n theoretica l authority , allowin g m e t o recover m y sens e o f sel f an d voice , an d t o vie w th e experienc e o f evaluating m y wor k throug h a  differen t lens . An importan t catalys t fo r th e recover y o f a  scholarl y voic e grounded i n th e persona l wer e certai n experience s an d reading s i n academic studies . I  though t mysel f luck y durin g a  summe r schoo l session when , i n tw o o f th e thre e course s I  wa s taking , I  ha d professors who , fro m th e firs t da y o f class , introduce d themselves i n par t b y sayin g the y wer e intereste d i n feminism . 3 8 Having professor s statin g thi s openl y wa s a  firs t fo r me . Thei r classes wer e differen t fro m other s I  ha d take n becaus e the y embodied th e guideline s fo r feminis t teachin g methodolog y provided b y Schniedewin d (1983 ) o f developin g a n atmospher e o f mutual respect , trust , an d community ; share d leadership ; cooperative structures ; integratio n o f cognitiv e an d affectiv e learning; an d action . W e wer e a t th e cente r o f th e curricula . We wer e encourage d t o spea k o f ou r experience . I n discussions o f theoretica l o r researc h articles , storie s tha t w e related abou t teachin g an d curriculu m buildin g wer e recognized . The recognitio n create d a n atmospher e i n th e classe s unlik e others I  ha d attende d a s a  graduat e student . Whil e no t devoi d o f the competitiv e energ y foun d i n graduat e school , th e disclosure s of ou r experience s create d a  spiri t o f sharin g an d cooperation . I t is thi s "emphasi s o n persona l experienc e an d validatio n .  .  [that ] .  . still distinguishe s feminis m fro m patriarcha l education " (Spender, 1981a , p . 167) . We listene d t o eac h other , an d w e spok e t o eac h other , i n small group s an d i n clas s discussions . Ther e wa s a  distinctl y feminine qualit y t o th e classes , i n contras t t o Morgan' s (1981 ) description o f "'academi c machismo' " (p . 101) , o r Taubman' s (1982) summar y o f patriarcha l characteristic s take n fro m Collin s (1974) an d Rich  (1975 ) i n whic h Taubma n list s "objective , linear , logical, dissecting , abstract , unemotional , expedient , aggressive , hierarchical, exclusiv e an d goa l directe d [sic ] .  .  .  defensive -3 9 offensive orientation , combative , statu s oriente d [sic] , dualistic , fragmented an d depersonalize d .  .  .  an d a  spli t betwee n persona l and publi c worlds " a s characteristic s o f th e patriarcha l structur e of school s (p . 14-15) . Similarl y i n literar y forms , Flyn n (1988 ) writes tha t "men' s narrative s stres s individuatio n rathe r tha n connection" (p . 429) . In on e class , i n recognitio n o f th e clas s ending , w e wer e asked t o voluntee r comment s abou t th e majo r paper s w e ha d jus t handed in . Fo r thi s assignment , w e ha d th e choic e o f examinin g a curriculum w e ha d writte n o r tha t whic h ha d bee n develope d b y another writer . Hesitan t a t first , th e student s bega n t o tal k about thei r experienc e o f writin g thi s assignment . One studen t wep t a s sh e spok e o f he r relie f o f finishin g an d the revelation s th e assignmen t ha d brought . Head s noddin g i n sympathetic agreement , th e clas s responde d t o he r fro m a  plac e of understandin g rathe r tha n fro m a n attitud e tha t "th e persona l is see n a s a  sourc e o f contaminatio n an d th e subjective , something t o b e avoided " (Spender , 1981a , p . 169) . Sh e undoubtedly hadn' t planne d o n weepin g durin g th e clas s tha t afternoon, bu t whe n w e ar e invite d t o participat e i n a n encouraging, non-threatenin g atmospher e whic h i s no t ou r academic tradition , w e canno t predic t wha t respons e wil l b e revealed no r ar e w e reall y consciou s o f wha t respons e i s there . The uncertaint y o f ho w th e knowin g voic e wil l spea k an d wha t sh e will sa y i s th e subjec t o f th e firs t poem , "Lo w Down" . 4 0 Low Dow n Of al l th e lo w dow n trick s She pick s me . Me . To brin g u p th e rear . To d o he r dirt y work . She phone s them  all , Gathers them , a s sh e call s it , To he r sid e an d say s Support m e i n thi s Advise m e o n that . Ha! Wha t doe s sh e know ? About th e longin g an d desir e There is , tha t ma y no t hid e So neatl y beneat h th e page s But sli p a  painte d nai l betwee n An "o " her e an d there . In "Lo w Down " w e ar e introduce d t o a  voic e tha t ha s bee n chosen t o participat e i n a  projec t o f whic h sh e disapproves , bu t accepts knowin g tha t certai n intens e emotion s ma y b e involved . The relationship s betwee n th e speake r an d "she" , betwee n "she " and "them" , betwee n th e speake r an d th e wor k sugges t mystery : Who ar e thes e characters ? Wha t doe s "she " nee d "them " for ? What wil l b e writte n o n thes e pages ? Wh y i s ther e n o dialogu e among them ? Th e relationshi p betwee n th e tw o wome n seem s t o be base d o n a  hierarch y wher e th e speake r i s unde r "she" . Th e speaker's hidde n agend a whic h ma y b e reveale d i n th e documen t they ar e preparin g addresse s th e nee d sh e ha s o f changin g th e status qu o withi n thei r relationship . 4 1 More tha n a  thir d o f th e ES L fo r Busines s student s als o expressed a  nee d t o change , i n thei r case , thei r wa y o f learnin g English a t OUC . Thi s on e thir d switche d fro m regula r ES L t o ES L for Busines s becaus e the y foun d regula r ESL , a s on e studen t pu t it, "terribl y boring" . A  simila r opinio n o f th e regula r ES L classe s was expresse d whe n student s commente d o n th e difference s between ES L an d ES L fo r Busines s a s Tabl e 1  indicates . Table 1 . Differences Npte d b y Student s Betwee n Regula r ES L an d ES L fo r Business Differences %  o f Response s 1. Negativ e comparisons , e.g. , ES L 5  0 is boring . 2. Positiv e comparisons , e.g. , ES L 1  7 for Busines s ha s to o muc h work . 3. Observations , e.g. , ES L fo r Busines s 3  3 is mor e specific . The majorit y o f student s foun d tha t regula r ES L n o longe r challenged them , tha t thei r Englis h wa s n o longe r improving . Before takin g th e ES L fo r Busines s course , the y ha d studie d regular ES L a t OU C fo r a n averag e o f nearl y tw o years . Whil e 4 2 their nee d fo r a  change , then , i s no t surprising , thei r comment s address potentia l weaknesse s i n th e regula r ES L courses , particularly thos e classe s i n whic h vetera n student s ar e registered. Th e weaknesse s migh t b e alleviate d b y introducin g specific, non-languag e base d conten t t o th e curriculum , an d b y less repetitio n o f language-base d lesson s and/o r highe r leve l language-based lessons . However , i f thei r perceptio n tha t the y were n o longe r improvin g i s false , i t coul d b e du e t o th e seemingly dramati c advance s tha t beginner s mak e versu s th e more slower-goin g improvement s a t th e advance d level . I n thi s section o f th e Due t I  hav e relate d m y experienc e o f recognizin g a n undesirable relationshi p t o m y wor k an d th e nee d t o chang e tha t with th e student' s nee d fo r changin g th e wa y the y wer e learnin g ESL. The Silen t Sel f Returning t o th e graduat e cours e experience , whil e I  spok e more openl y an d freel y tha n before , I  ha d distinc t instance s o f silence. Fo r example , afte r witnessin g m y classmat e weep , m y contribution t o th e discussio n o n th e curriculu m analysi s pape r was silence . I  ha d chose n t o analyz e th e ES L fo r Busines s Curriculum usin g ES L an d genera l curricula r paradigms . I n particular, I  followe d Eisner' s (1979 ) orientation s whic h includ e curriculum a s a  vehicl e fo r socia l transformation , persona l transformation, a s wel l a s a  vehicl e fo r maintainin g th e statu s 4 3 quo. Th e assignmen t reveale d i n a  deductiv e an d rathe r climacti c way tha t m y ow n belief s abou t educatio n wer e no t reflecte d i n the curriculu m I  ha d co-written , bu t was , rather , on e base d mainly i n theoretica l perspective s o f task-base d curricul a fo r ESL. Silence, a s expression , ha s bot h enablin g an d ugl y face s (Cheung, 1993 , p . 20) . M y silen t respons e reflecte d no t onl y th e shock o f realizin g m y educationa l belief s wer e no t par t o f wor k I had writte n bu t als o th e sham e o f betrayin g m y persona l belief s in education . Th e assignmen t ha d take n th e groun d ou t fro m unde r my feet . Th e enablin g fac e o f m y silence , however , wa s questioning ho w I  coul d remai n i n educatio n i f I  di d no t expres s myself or , a t best , spok e onl y i n a  whisperin g tone : Wha t wa s m y role a s a  curriculu m writer ? Th e recognitio n o f silen t sham e an d questioning th e groun d w e wal k o n i s expresse d i n th e followin g poem, "Se t Yoursel f Down" . Set Yoursel f Dow n Sister -Give m e life , Take awa y m y loss . Rise fro m silence , Shame, confusion . Be th e spiri t o f love , Graciousness, timelessness ; Shake of f thi s negativity ; Look fo r th e good . Look u p aroun d yo u See th e ligh t o f sky , o f life . 4 4 What nee d t o travel ? Set yoursel f down , an d ask , What hav e I  here ? What nee d I  more ? Clear th e underbrush , Make a  seat , an d buil d a  fire , Mend you r woole n clothes ; Feed th e animal s tha t gathe r round ; Plant an d pick , an d b e wit h Your space . "Set Yoursel f Down " speak s t o th e nee d t o fin d a  voic e expressed fro m groun d whic h i s close r t o home , an d t o relat e t o that ne w place . I n recoverin g a  voice , on e spoke n fro m th e inne r life an d directe d t o th e immediat e environmen t o f living , ther e are instance s o f groundlessnes s an d hopelessnes s create d fro m the chao s o f no t knowin g wher e th e fee t wil l b e planted . Recognizing tha t ther e ca n b e reconciliatio n betwee n th e oute r and inne r selves , "Se t Yoursel f Down " put s th e oute r sel f t o wor k close t o hom e an d a t task s whic h creat e a  plac e fo r co-existence . The recover y o f voic e ma y begi n wit h dialogu e wit h one' s self , and b y asking : "Wha t d o I  need? " The difficult y o f findin g an d usin g a n Englis h voic e wit h which t o communicat e wa s th e overridin g experienc e o f th e students i n th e ES L fo r Busines s course . Thei r languag e difficulties wer e observe d b y th e Busines s professo r wh o commented o n thei r behavio r i n hi s classroo m a s well . Her e ar e his comment s regardin g thei r languag e an d behavior : 4 5 The readin g an d writin g o f th e cas e studies , the y wer e not wel l prepare d fo r .  .  .  The y ha d tim e t o rea d the m . . . A lot o f the m understan d th e content . I t wa s jus t a  matte r o f interpreting -  wha t i s thi s gu y askin g fo r .  . .  Usually , the y wouldn't sa y anythin g unles s specificall y asked . I f th e question wa s directe d a t the m .  .  .  Mos t o f the m understoo d the question . Bu t the y ha d a  tim e gettin g i t out , expressin g whatever the y wer e thinkin g .  .  .  ES L student s ha d a tendency t o gravitat e towar d eac h othe r an d t o si t togethe r whereas Canadian s ar e sprawle d al l ove r th e plac e .  .  .  ES L students wer e ver y subdued , introverte d .  .  . He point s ou t th e students ' limitation s i n bot h receptiv e (i.e. , reading an d listening ) an d productiv e (i.e. , speaking ) aspect s o f language. Thes e limitations , i n turn , coul d hav e affecte d thei r confidence t o interac t wit h Englis h speakin g student s an d volunteer answers . Thi s silenc e i n clas s reflect s finding s fro m Cunliffe's (1992 ) curriculu m evaluatio n i n whic h ES L student s "felt th e sam e reluctanc e t o offe r a n opinio n o r t o as k a  questio n in a  mainstrea m course " (p . 93) . Anothe r explanatio n fo r thei r "subdued" behavio r coul d b e thei r previou s experienc e i n educatio n in mainl y Asia n culture s wher e student s generall y pla y a  les s active an d quiete r rol e tha n student s i n Canada . Silent response , however , wa s no t limite d t o th e ES L students. Th e Busines s professo r als o explaine d why , a t times , he chos e no t t o us e hi s voice . 4 6 I mus t admi t thoug h ther e ar e a  fe w o f th e student s that I  ha d trouble  pronouncin g thei r names . S o I  wa s a  bi t hesitant t o as k the m mysel f becaus e I  wa s a  bi t uncomfortable tryin g t o ge t thei r name s straight . I  hav e t o be hones t her e .  . .  Sometime s I  avoide d certai n individual s because I  ha d troubl e pronouncin g th e name . He wa s uncomfortabl e speakin g thei r name s i n cas e h e mispronounced the m whic h ma y hav e le d t o embarrassment . Hi s avoidance o f callin g o n certai n student s woul d hav e afforde d them les s participatio n i n hi s class . In additio n t o th e professor' s silenc e wa s th e silenc e amon g the staf f fro m th e th e ES L an d Busines s Administratio n Departments, an d th e I E Offic e wh o wer e involve d i n th e ES L fo r Business program . Thei r comment s follow . ESL instructo r I woul d hav e like d t o hav e bee n introduce d t o th e Bus . Admin, chairperson . Instead , I  di d i t o n m y own . Also , I would hav e like d t o hav e see n pre-se t meetin g time s between mysel f &  th e Bus/Admin , teacher s t o g o ove r students' wor k &  progress . I  coul d d o thi s mysel f bu t I  wis h the Bu s Admin , staf f kne w I  ha d th e forma l backin g o f I E & ESL dept . Business professor : I can' t wor k i n a  vacuum , [instructor' s name ] can' t work i n a  vacuum , w e al l hav e t o wor k together . I  thin k I 4 7 recommend tha t t o an y instructo r wh o teache s thi s typ e o f course, t o regularl y ge t together , kee p eac h othe r u p t o dat e in term s o f th e students . IE adviso r I woul d lik e t o hav e som e contac t wit h th e Busines s [professors] nex t term . Communication betwee n the m wa s importan t i n orde r t o coordinate th e teachin g an d t o discus s particula r problem s facin g the students . The y woul d hav e appreciate d mor e contac t wit h each other , ye t n o prio r arrangement s ha d bee n pu t i n plac e fo r regular discussions . A  recommendatio n emergin g fro m thes e comments i s tha t the y mee t mor e often , an d tha t th e initia l meeting b e arrange d b y th e ES L Departmen t an d I E Office . I f thi s were done , th e staf f participant s migh t fee l les s isolated , an d less tha t the y wer e "workin g i n a  vacuum" . Vulnerabili ty Being i n a  vacuu m an d th e vulnerabilit y whic h ofte n accompanies workin g alon e wa s no t a n unknow n experienc e t o m e as a  graduat e student . T o com e bac k t o th e settin g o f UB C summer school , I  wa s becomin g awar e o f th e vulnerabilit y I experienced i n graduat e school . Wha t wa s th e origi n o f thi s feeling? Lewi s (1993 ) observe d tha t i n he r graduat e education , "the socia l dynamic s i n th e clas s wer e annoyin g bu t no t unusual : the me n monopolize d no t onl y th e speakin g tim e bu t th e 4 8 theoretical an d socia l agend a a s well " (p . 128) . M y ow n participation i n graduat e classe s had , unti l tha t summer , been limited mainl y t o listenin g t o a  professo r an d classmates , occasionally askin g question s o f a  professor , and , eve n mor e rarely, participatin g i n clas s discussion s whic h involve d citin g published work s relevan t t o th e wor k unde r discussion . These an d othe r importan t task s hav e helpe d m e respon d critically i n a  linea r mod e o f rhetori c an d understan d th e breadt h of secon d languag e pedagogy . Ye t the y hav e als o lef t m e wit h th e sense tha t littl e o f wha t I  di d i n teachin g woul d eve r mee t th e critical demand s o f th e theorists , o r kee p u p wit h ne w researc h findings. It wa s th e theorists ' experienc e tha t wa s worth y o f clas s discussion becaus e i t ha d bee n recognize d throug h article s o n published research . Writte n i n hierarchica l an d linea r mode s o f organization, publishe d researc h finding s i n ES L d o no t focu s o n the researcher . Fro m previou s course s i n teachin g ESL , I  recal l only on e exampl e wher e ther e wa s a  flicke r o f recognitio n tha t the researche r wa s a  person . Th e cas e i n poin t i s Lightbow n (1991). Sh e comment s tha t sh e wa s "surprised " an d "eager " (p . 206) whe n reviewin g o r waitin g t o revie w transcript s an d report s of data . Findin g thi s typ e o f emotiona l disclosur e i n quantitativ e research refreshing , I  circle d bot h word s whe n I  rea d the m i n 1991. 4 9 In th e graduat e course s I  attende d tha t summe r session , disclosure o f persona l experienc e wa s no t limite d t o th e students. Th e professor s als o spoke , an d I  wa s appreciativ e o f their struggl e t o articulate . On e stor y i n particula r impacte d o n my emergin g bu t stil l vulnerabl e voice , an d I  recoun t i t no w wit h the recognitio n tha t i t i s m y tak e o n th e professor' s story . This professor , a  marvelou s story-teller , ha d been  t o a conference an d participate d i n a  sessio n tha t wa s non -hierarchical. Instea d o f a  speake r lecturin g a t a  podiu m an d taking question s an d comment s fro m th e floo r afterwards , th e participants mad e tw o circles , al l th e furnitur e havin g bee n removed fro m th e room . Th e circle s wer e forme d s o tha t on e wa s inside th e othe r an d the y wer e define d b y thos e wh o wante d t o speak standin g i n th e inne r circl e an d thos e wh o wante d t o liste n standing i n th e oute r circle . Anyon e coul d mov e a t an y tim e t o the othe r circle , s o ther e wa s a  fluidit y o f movement . On e rule , that whoeve r wa s talkin g shoul d no t b e interrupted , wa s respected. At on e point , a  graduat e studen t move d t o th e inner , speaking circle . H e fel t tha t th e for m o f th e sessio n ha d silence d him. Unti l tha t moment , h e ha d neve r bee n a n authority , neve r been aske d fo r equa l participation , an d no w tha t h e wa s allowed , he wa s speechles s an d immobilized . Th e for m o f th e sessio n ha d struck a  chor d i n hi m whic h ha d neve r bee n playe d before . I t seemed t o m e tha t fo r him , i t wa s on e o f thos e persona l 5 0 "historical moment s whe n th e voiceles s an d powerles s see k t o unravel thei r riddle " (DuPlessis , 1990 , p . 4) . I  wa s move d b y thi s story whic h relate d t o m y ow n struggl e t o fin d an d expres s a voice. Th e nex t poem , "Vulnerability, " addresse s th e proces s o f finding a  voic e whic h involve s allowin g th e sel f t o b e vulnerable . Vulnerabili ty She give s m e The foo d I  nee d To b e stron g And shar e m y word s Of privac y an d lunac y With peopl e I  love . Seeds o f strengt h Imbue m y lovin g siste r With large r eye s And a  wide , wid e smile . Opening he r arms , She invite s m e insid e Her awakene d bod y And massage s m y brai n Till i t digresse s To th e earth . There, We gro w together , Side b y side . P l an t s Whose root s Now searc h eac h othe r out , Whose branche s No longe r gro w spindl y But ar e prune d With car e t o gro w 5 1 More succulen t fruit . Our harves t Is tenderl y surrendere d And leave s The de w o f dream s S i s t e r , I a m lyin g nake d fo r you . See m y vulnerabilit y And accep t m y soul . This poe m articulate s th e struggl e o f recognizin g an d relating t o a  dua l reality . Th e poe m consider s ho w on e recover s the "other " an d ho w tw o voice s mingl e a s on e self . Th e woma n rooted i n th e natura l environmen t provide s neede d strengt h fo r the on e roote d i n intellect . B y showin g vulnerability , a n openin g is create d fo r co-existence . Learning a  secon d languag e i n a  foreig n cultur e ca n als o render th e learne r vulnerable . Th e strangeness , th e shock , th e uprooting fro m one' s hom e t o foreig n soil , th e absenc e o f love d ones, th e inabilit y t o understan d th e languag e a s on e want s o r needs al l hel p t o creat e a  vulnerabl e feeling . Yet , man y peopl e chose thi s becaus e the y believ e i t wil l no t onl y brin g bette r employment opportunitie s bu t th e ne w languag e an d cultur e wil l also provid e ne w experience s an d way s o f viewin g th e world . The sens e o f vulnerabilit y wa s als o a  realit y fo r th e ES L fo r Business students . Th e followin g commen t fro m th e ES L 5 2 instructor provide s a  glimps e o f ho w th e atmospher e i n th e ES L for Busines s clas s influence d studen t participation . The effec t o f thes e coming s an d going s [som e student s left fo r hom e an d other s registere d late ] o n studen t involvement &  spiri t i n th e clas s wa s quit e striking , especially i n th e cas e o f 1  student . This on e student , name d X , wa s ver y sh y &  reticen t a t the beginnin g o f th e course . I  fee l X  wa s intimidate d b y others1 highe r languag e skills . X  als o di d no t lik e certai n other student s &  woul d sho w his/he r dislik e i n ope n hostil e looks &  remarks ! B y th e en d o f th e 2n d term , X  wa s muc h more confiden t &  muc h mor e outspoken . S/h e neede d roo m to gro w I  guess . Th e 'room * s/h e neede d cam e afte r al l 3 aforementioned student s left , especiall y afte r th e las t student left . Th e studen t wh o arrive d i n th e 2n d ter m helped spur n studen t X  o n i n a n antagonisti c fashion . -  Ver y in teres t ing. Student H X" wa s abl e t o spea k mor e openl y onl y afte r othe r students wit h muc h highe r Englis h abilitie s tha n hi s lef t th e course fo r thei r countries . Whil e th e Englis h languag e pre -requisite fo r entranc e t o th e ES L fo r Busines s certificat e wa s successful completio n o f high-intermediat e ES L classe s a t OU C o r the equivalen t scor e o n th e Englis h languag e assessmen t exa m a t OUC, thi s studen t ha d no t ye t achieve d th e pre-requisite . However, h e wa s allowe d t o registe r i n th e cours e becaus e th e 5 3 administration wa s concerne d tha t th e cours e woul d no t ru n i f i t was underenrolled . His "intimidation " coul d hav e been  lessene d ha d al l th e students bee n a t a  simila r Englis h leve l a s wa s th e cas e i n Cunliffe's (1992 ) clas s wher e "[ES L students ] wer e no t afrai d t o make pronunciatio n error s t o expres s opinion s awkwardl y sinc e all participant s exhibite d simila r communicatio n difficulties " (p . 94). Considerin g studen t X' s vulnerabilit y wit h a n ES L environment, hi s vulnerabilit y mus t hav e bee n even  greate r i n th e Marketing an d Managemen t course s wit h Canadians . First Word s Both studen t X' s an d m y confidenc e gre w a s w e develope d our voices . I n m y case , th e writin g assignment s i n th e tw o summer graduat e course s encourage d m y emergen t voic e t o begi n to expres s itself . Fo r example , i n on e class , w e ha d th e optio n o f writing join t papers . I n th e sam e class , w e wer e assigne d a paper whic h wa s t o describ e ou r ow n theor y o f secon d languag e acquisition base d o n persona l experienc e a s a  secon d languag e learner an d teacher . W e wer e allowe d t o writ e th e pape r i n an y form, suc h a s a  letter , a  journa l entry , o r a  biography . I n anothe r class, a s I  hav e mentione d above , w e ha d th e choic e o f examinin g our ow n curricul a o r thos e develope d b y anothe r writer . In th e writin g assignment s fo r bot h classes , m y nee d t o accommodate th e emergin g persona l voic e wa s reflecte d i n th e 5 4 use o f th e constructio n o f a  home . A s a  metaphor , I  use d th e hom e in on e assignmen t fo r m y persona l ES L theory-building , an d fo r another assignment , fo r curriculu m orientations . The readin g list s fo r th e tw o graduat e course s differe d from a  non-feminis t clas s a s th e list s containe d article s whic h were atypica l o f th e quantitativ e one s wit h whic h I  wa s familia r from previou s universit y ES L courses . Amon g th e reading s I  di d for thes e courses , tw o stan d ou t a s awakenin g m y emergin g voic e and helpin g t o orien t m e t o th e evaluation . Th e first , b y Pennycook (1989) , i s impersonall y written , bu t it s conten t addresses th e hierarchica l an d politica l natur e o f th e relationshi p of ES L theorists , wh o ar e mainl y male , t o ES L teachers , wh o ar e mainly female . Pennycook' s argument , tha t th e "one-wa y flo w o f prescriptivist knowledge " (p . 596 ) ha s bee n abl e t o "serv e th e advancement o f academi c career s an d limi t th e practic e o f teachers" (p . 609) , upse t m y dependenc y o n ES L theorists . I ha d believe d theorists ' knowledg e wa s t o b e followe d an d articulated i n m y educationa l practices . Ove r th e fiftee n year s I had taugh t ESL , th e pendulu m o f wha t ES L teachin g metho d work s best ha d swun g bac k an d fort h a  fe w times , an d I  ha d clun g t o it . At th e sam e time , whil e I  accepte d Pennycook' s argumen t o f th e hierarchical natur e o f ES L an d th e top-dow n disseminatio n o f knowledge regardin g ES L methods , m y emergin g voic e bega n t o dialogue wit h hi s analysis . 5 5 I recognize d tha t wome n ha d contribute d immeasurabl y t o ESL. I n academia , ther e ar e majo r ES L researcher s wh o ar e women. I n practice , man y wome n ar e als o ES L textboo k authors , curriculum planners , an d materia l writers , mysel f included ; i t i s mainly wome n wh o hav e taugh t th e Englis h speaker s o f th e world ; and wome n ofte n exce l i n teaching . So, wh y ar e wome n i n ES L no t recognize d a s muc h a s men ? Because th e yardstic k o f academi c succes s i s largel y base d o n th e amount o f publi c attention  received  throug h th e publicatio n o f research i n scholarl y journals , an d no t th e amoun t o f classroo m attention given  t o student s throug h one' s curriculum . I t seeme d to m e tha t Pennycoo k wa s deconstructin g th e fiel d o f ES L "wit h the masculin e experienc e a s th e standard " (Noddings , 1991 , p . 65) . Women publis h i n ES L journals , bu t th e bul k o f thei r wor k a s practitioners goe s unrecognized . Spende r (1981b ) appeal s t o feminist scholar s t o researc h wh y feminis t researc h an d researc h by wome n generall y doe s no t ofte n appea r i n mainstrea m publications. ES L journal s suc h a s th e TESQ L Quarterl y an d th e TESL Canad a Journa l publis h researc h fro m a  mainl y positivis t paradigm, an d s o m y graduat e educatio n i n ES L ha d als o centere d on thi s paradigm . The secon d articl e whic h influence d th e transformatio n o f my voic e fro m a  theory-base d on e t o on e grounde d i n th e persona l and whic h als o helpe d orien t m e t o th e curriculu m evaluatio n wa s Aoki's (1986 ) i n whic h h e marrie s a  categorizatio n o f evaluatio n 5 6 approaches wit h a n evaluatio n o f th e Britis h Columbi a Socia l Studies curriculum . Fo r me , th e connectin g poin t i n th e articl e comes whe n h e provide s a n exampl e o f th e Situationa l Interpretive Evaluatio n Orientation , a n orientatio n wher e th e "evaluator attempt s t o gai n insight s int o huma n experience s a s they ar e experience d b y insiders , a s the y liv e withi n th e situation" (p . 33) . Aok i orient s reader s t o thi s typ e o f evaluatio n by relatin g directl y t o them : For example , a t thi s ver y momen t a s I  writ e I  fin d myself situate d withi n m y worl d o f teache r educators . I n this worl d o f mine , m y "I " i s a t th e cente r . . . . I ca n als o pictur e yo u seate d wit h th e tex t o f thi s writing befor e yo u a s yo u ar e experiencin g th e readin g o f my pape r .  .  .  Th e structur e o f thes e meaning s i s you r present reality . (p . 33 ) The exampl e shoo k m e becaus e Aok i recognize d m e an d recognize d that I  ha d a  reality . H e als o relate d m e t o th e evaluatio n orientation: h e personalize d it , an d h e helpe d m e personaliz e i t too. Th e followin g poem , "M y Inquiry" , articulate s tha t momen t in persona l histor y whe n th e recovere d voic e seek s t o spea k personally, ye t hesitate s a t th e prospect . My Inquir y Today! A reaso n t o fee l Celebration: It's no t thei r life , 5 7 It's mine , And m y inquir y i s int o My life . Yet, layin g i t dow n And ope n fo r yo u t o se e Is crazy , really . Why woul d I  d o that ? Why shoul d yo u car e About ho w thi s wor k Is connecte d t o m y life , How i t i s m y life ? Shared interests ? You hav e you r ow n live s And interest s which , Yes, w e share : Working wit h peopl e fro m Other lands ; Being a  woma n i n a  worl d That wa s no t writte n b y us ; Representing th e woman' s worl d To tha t world ; The inquir y o f i t all . I hav e committe d mysel f To th e integrit y o f thos e interests ; The experienc e Is bot h excitin g an d frightening . In "M y Inquiry" , th e voic e seek s a  commo n bas e tha t ma y b e shared b y th e audience , an d findin g this , i s encourage d t o spea k about th e experience . Th e startin g poin t fo r th e unknow n pat h they wal k o n ar e word s whic h ar e no t usuall y hear d an d a  for m which i s no t normall y use d i n a n academi c setting . 5 8 New word s als o confronte d th e ES L fo r Busines s student s i n the conten t courses . Despit e spendin g a n averag e o f nearl y tw o years i n regula r ES L course s befor e th e ES L fo r Busines s program , students foun d that , a s mentione d above , languag e wa s thei r greatest difficulty . Whe n aske d o f thei r difficultie s i n th e Business courses , 87 % o f th e response s wer e language-related , and abov e all , relate d t o thei r unfamiliarit y wit h Busines s terminology. A  sampl e o f students ' comment s regardin g thi s difficulty follows . Vocabulary difficulty/I t too k hour s t o rea d chapters/Difficult t o follo w wha t Canadian s say/Ther e were a  lo t o f ne w vocabulary , s o I  hav e t o chec k the m man y times/It wa s prett y har d t o catc h u p wit h instructor' s talking wit h unfamilia r vocabular y words . Students pinpointe d th e amoun t o f ne w vocabular y a s th e mos t difficult aspec t o f language . A  focu s o f instructio n fo r th e ES L for Busines s cours e became , then , th e explanatio n o f Busines s terminology delivere d i n wha t i s referre d t o a s "foreigne r talk" , or adjuste d speec h (Lightbow n &  Spada , 1993) . Ho w coul d th e regular ES L course s hel p prepar e student s fo r thi s difficult y i n credit classes ? Whil e I  woul d no t sugges t tha t a  specifi c lexico n for Busines s b e taught , th e specifi c conten t o f interes t t o students coul d b e taugh t usin g les s foreigne r tal k an d mor e "natural" English . 5 9 In thi s duet , I  hav e wove n th e publi c an d privat e theme s o f consciousness-raising an d findin g a  ne w voic e t o relate d theme s of studyin g i n a  foreig n settin g an d workin g wit h differen t colleagues an d students . Whe n I  lef t Vancouve r an d th e UB C environment fo r m y hom e an d work , I  ha d begu n t o accep t persona l experience a s legitimat e learning , an d thi s acceptanc e lai d th e ground wor k fo r a  stud y whic h woul d reconcil e th e tensio n between m y publi c role s i n educatio n an d m y privat e one s a t home. 60 Duet o f Connectio n "There's n o doub t i n m y min d tha t I  hav e foun d out ho w t o begi n (a t 40 ) t o sa y somethin g i n m y ow n voice; an d tha t interest s m e s o tha t I  fee l I  ca n g o ahead withou t praise " (Woolf , 1953 , p . 71) . 6 1 Public an d Privat e Role s This due t illuminate s th e connectio n o f m y publi c an d private role s t o th e curriculu m evaluatio n an d th e othe r participants. A s a n adult , I  hav e assume d th e publi c educationa l roles o f student , teacher , colleague , evaluator , textboo k author , and curriculu m write r an d th e privat e role s o f daughter , sister , wife, expectan t mother , friend , an d poet . I n attemptin g t o "b e simultaneously objectiv e an d personal " (Belenky , Clinchy , Goldberger, &  Tarule , 1986 , p . 224) , I  wa s prepare d t o connec t a t the outse t o f th e stud y m y publi c role s o f curriculu m evaluator , curriculum co-writer , an d researche r t o th e study . The viewpoin t fro m whic h I  wa s conductin g m y examinatio n was stil l largel y unknow n t o m e excep t tha t i t wa s relate d t o these variou s publi c roles . I  wa s "boun d t o see k perspectiv e fro m those point s o f view , whic h ca n neve r b e know n i n advance , whic h promise somethin g quit e extraordinary , tha t is , knowledg e poten t for constructin g world s les s organize d b y axe s o f domination " (Haraway, 1991 , p . 192) . In thi s case , I  wa s tryin g t o construc t a n entr y int o th e world o f th e evaluatio n environment , a n entr y buil t o n connectin g myself t o th e curriculu m evaluatio n an d it s participants . A s a participant-observer, I  trie d t o "maintai n ' a dynami c tension ' between th e separat e stanc e o f a n observe r an d th e connected , 'subjective' stanc e o f a  participant " (Belenky , Clinchy , Goldberge r & Tarule , 1986 , p . 224) . 6 2 As I  continue d t o rea d feminis t studie s afte r th e summe r school sessio n ha d finished , I  foun d tha t othe r researcher s suc h as Colema n (1992) , Newb y (1977) , Pettigre w (1981) , an d Tompkins (1991 ) ha d recognize d an d connecte d thei r persona l experience t o research . Pettigre w describe s he r anthropologica l study i n norther n Indi a wher e sh e live d fo r a  time , bot h a s a researcher an d a s th e wif e o f a  prominen t membe r o f rura l society. Sh e write s that , rural Ja t societ y an d it s attitude s ha d a  dee p impac t o n m e and I  fee l tha t i n writin g thi s ver y persona l documen t I  hav e not merel y catalogue d m y ow n miserie s an d joy s ove r a period o f tw o year s bu t als o spoke n fro m a  women' s standpoint o f th e organizatio n o f a  particula r societ y an d culture. Al l fieldworker s shoul d fee l justifie d i n explorin g their experience s an d encounter s i n th e fiel d . . . (p . 77-78 ) Having disparat e roles , on e moder n an d on e traditional , impacte d on he r self-perceptio n an d o n he r abilit y t o conduc t he r study . Newby (1977 ) als o identifie s hi s privat e motiv e fo r researching far m worker s whic h wa s hi s "persona l sympath y wit h the pligh t o f th e far m workers " (p . 108) . Lik e feminis t researchers, h e foun d tha t "th e positivis t paradig m o f proble m formulation, hypothesis , operationalizatio n an d testin g i s no t s o much misleadin g a s personall y inoperable " (p . 108) . 6 3 In attemptin g t o "brea k awa y fro m th e orientatio n tha t ma y blind [her] " (Aoki , 1992 , p . 20) , Tompkin s (1991 ) als o declare s he r underlying persona l an d publi c connection s i n literar y theory : I am , o n th e on e hand , demandin g a  connectio n betwee n literary theor y an d m y ow n life , an d asserting , o n th e other , that ther e i s n o connection . Bu t her e i s a  connection . I learned wha t epistemolog y I  kno w fro m m y husband . I  thin k of i t a s mor e hi s gam e tha n mine . It' s a  gam e I  enjo y playing bu t whic h I  n o longe r nee d o r wan t t o play . I  wan t to declar e m y independenc e o f it , o f him . (Par t o f wha t i s going o n her e ha s t o d o wit h a  nee d I  hav e t o mak e sur e I' m not bein g absorbe d i n someone  else' s personality. ) Wha t I am breakin g awa y fro m i s bot h m y conformit y t o th e conventions o f a  mal e professiona l practic e an d m y intellectual dependenc e o n m y husband . Ho w ca n I  tal k about suc h thing s i n public ? Ho w ca n I  not.  (p . 176 ) By askin g ho w sh e ca n ye t canno t tal k publicl y abou t he r privat e dependance an d he r nee d t o brea k awa y fro m it , Tompkin s speak s to th e "passionat e desire " (Christ , 1987 , p . 55 ) an d th e "dynami c tension" (Belenky , Clinchy , Goldberger , &  Tarule , 1986 , p . 224 ) that I  als o experience d i n thi s study . Second languag e evaluatio n studie s als o contai n persona l data o f th e researcher's . Colema n (1992 ) include s a  persona l accounting a s dat a i n th e evaluatio n o f a n Englis h a s a  Foreig n Language progra m i n a  universit y setting . Partl y i n orde r t o sho w 64 the Britis h Counci l tha t th e progra m wa s worthy , h e submitte d overly-ambitious progra m objective s whic h i n th e en d wer e "embarrassing" (p . 237 ) a s h e wa s unabl e t o achiev e them . I n th e editors' postscrip t t o Coleman' s article , Alderso n an d Berett a (1992) writ e that , "Colema n draw s ou r attentio n t o a  poignan t aspect o f th e insider' s dilemma : hi s ow n caree r prospect s ma y b e affected b y th e failur e o f th e project , judge d accordin g t o someone else' s (inappropriate ) objectives! " (p . 247) . The tensio n o f th e insider , bot h participatin g an d observing , underpins Aoki' s (1986 ) sens e o f reflectio n i n a  Critica l Evaluation Mod e Orientatio n wher e reflection , not onl y allow s liberatio n fro m th e unconsciousl y hel d assumptions an d intention s tha t li e burie d an d hidde n .  .  . but mor e tha n that , i t i s intereste d i n bringin g abou t reorientation throug h transformativ e actio n o f th e assumptions an d intention s upo n whic h reflectio n an d action rest . (p . 38 ) While universit y trainin g ha d taugh t m e objectivit y —  t o separate an d distanc e mysel f fro m th e objec t o f stud y ~  I  foun d the disassociatio n an d denia l o f th e connectednes s narrow , an d believed that , o n th e othe r hand , recognitio n an d expressio n o f th e connection integra l t o th e research . I  mad e " a consciou s effor t t o examine criticall y th e assumption s an d intention s underlyin g [my ] practical thought s an d acts " (p . 38) . 6 5 In questionin g wh y I  wante d t o evaluat e m y work , th e firs t connection o f sel f an d researc h wa s uncovered . M y publi c nee d was t o follo w somethin g I  ha d create d bu t lost , an d thi s nee d became m y researc h purpose . A s a  textboo k autho r an d curriculum writer , thi s nee d i s understandable . Unti l thi s evaluation, whil e I  ha d receive d man y informa l comment s fro m colleagues, I  ha d no t receive d an y forma l feedbac k o n wor k I  ha d written an d co-written , ye t I  ha d produce d ove r 2,00 0 classroo m hours o f ES L curricula r document s an d co-authore d tw o ES L textbooks. I wa s naturall y curiou s t o learn  wha t happene d t o th e ES L for Busines s Curriculu m onc e i t ha d bee n receive d b y th e ES L instructor an d students . I  wante d t o follo w it : t o lear n ho w i t became a  live d curriculum , ho w i t wa s articulated , an d ho w i t was o r wa s no t used . Stufflebea m (1980 ) warn s tha t "evaluator s must b e keenl y sensitiv e t o thei r ow n agenda s fo r a n evaluatio n study a s wel l a s thos e tha t ar e hel d b y clien t an d audience " (p . 18). Alderson' s (1992 ) example s o f evaluator' s hidde n agenda s come clos e t o m y ow n purpose s i n evaluating . Fo r example , "h e o r she migh t b e conductin g th e evaluatio n i n orde r t o ear n a  PhD , o r in orde r t o ear n o r develo p a  reputatio n a s a  competen t evaluator , or i n orde r t o ear n mone y .  .  . " (p . 277) . Continuing t o questio n wh y I  wante d t o evaluat e m y wor k also reveale d a  connectio n t o on e o f m y privat e roles . Privately , I had th e sam e nee d - - t o b e wit h somethin g I  ha d create d bu t lost . 6 6 Just a  fe w month s befor e writin g th e curriculum , I  ha d bee n a n expectant mother , bu t miscarried . I  wa s stil l grievin g th e los s o f the chil d a s I  wrot e th e curriculu m an d a s I  becam e intereste d i n participatory evaluation . Th e poe m below , "M y Dream" , expresse s some emotion s relate d t o motherhoo d an d it s loss . My Drea m I dream t I  ha d a  littl e bo y Who gav e m e lif e an d s o muc h joy . I hel d hi s hand ; We walke d a  while ; I pu t hi m t o m y breast . But col d h e go t And move d awa y And dow n th e pat h h e went . He ha d t o go -I kno w tha t no w For natur e calle d hi m back . But I  a m lef t With tea r an d stai n And s o muc h loneliness . As a  vesse l fo r m y chil d an d m y emotion , I  spea k t o th e reader o f wha t Lewi s (1993 ) call s '"dangerou s memories' " (p . 8) . As I  hav e state d earlier , t o recogniz e publicl y tha t I  ha d a curiosity i n followin g th e curriculu m t o th e classroo m wa s something I  wa s prepare d t o d o fro m th e outse t o f th e research . However, whe n th e connectio n o f motherhoo d an d it s los s t o th e research purpos e presente d itself , I  quickl y dismisse d it . M y 6 7 academic trainin g i n objectivit y an d th e natur e o f thi s revelation , being s o privat e an d emotional , prevente d m e fro m acceptin g i t a s part o f th e researc h program , ye t th e though t tha t i t wa s integra l to th e typ e o f "honest " evaluatio n researc h I  ha d bee n readin g about persisted . By connectin g th e proces s o f curriculum-makin g wit h th e emotion o f motherhoo d an d it s loss , I  hav e accepte d Tompkins ' (1991) positio n concernin g legitimat e knowledge . Sh e write s t h a t Western epistemology , [Aliso n Jaggar ] argued , i s shaped b y th e belie f tha t emotio n shoul d b e exclude d fro m the proces s o f attainin g knowledge . Becaus e wome n i n ou r culture ar e no t simpl y encourage d bu t require d t o b e th e bearers o f emotion , whic h me n ar e culturall y conditione d t o repress, a n epistemolog y whic h exclude s emotion s fro m th e process o f attainin g knowledg e radicall y undercut s women' s epistemic authority . (p . 170 ) In relatin g th e researc h purpos e t o motherhood , I  hav e als o underscored Friedman' s (1991 ) analysi s o f metaphor s fo r childbirth an d identif y min e no t wit h tha t en d o f he r spectru m which separate s th e litera l childbirt h an d literar y creatio n bu t with thos e tha t fus e an d incorporat e th e two . This identificatio n continue d t o develo p m y awarenes s o f my rol e a s curriculum-maker , on e tha t I  ha d questione d a s a result o f th e curriculu m analysi s pape r writte n fo r summe r 6 8 school. Bot h th e curriculum-make r an d evaluato r ca n b e viewe d as a  beare r o r vessel , containin g bot h theoretica l an d experientia l knowledge a s wel l a s th e (interpreted ) experienc e o f thos e wh o have use d an d commente d o n th e curriculum . M y evaluato r rol e necessitated a  decantin g o f blende d informatio n gathere d i n th e evaluation process . In thi s evaluation , th e decantin g ha s involve d recommendations give n b y staf f an d student s passe d o n t o appropriate staff . Th e studen t recommendation s ar e interestin g and thos e whic h wer e cite d mor e tha n onc e ar e give n i n Tabl e 2 . Table 2. Students' Recommendation s fo r th e ES L fo r Busines s Course Recommendations %  o f Citation s More tim e fo r Busines s textbooks . 3 2 More tim e fo r Englis h fo r Busines s 2 8 More tim e fo r Englis h i n general . 2 4 More tim e fo r learnin g jo b placemen t 1 6 The brea k dow n o f recommendation s i s interestin g a s th e two mos t frequentl y cite d one s underlin e th e dua l purpos e o f th e ESL fo r Busines s course—t o develo p Englis h fo r Busines s an d t o 6 9 provide suppor t fo r th e Marketin g an d Managemen t classes -which th e I E Offic e ha d articulate d prio r t o curriculu m development. Accordin g t o comment s fro m th e ES L instructor , she spen t hal f o f th e clas s tim e o n teachin g Busines s conten t an d preparing student s fo r Busines s exams . Understandably , thi s le d her t o on e o f he r thre e recommendations—tha t th e ES L fo r Business clas s b e divide d int o tw o separat e courses , on e focussing o n Englis h fo r Busines s an d th e othe r Busines s content . The inten t o f th e curriculu m ha d bee n t o blen d thes e purposes b y providin g task s requirin g th e us e o f Busines s terminology in , fo r example , problem-solvin g o r jigsa w activitie s which ma y o r ma y no t contai n a  Busines s languag e component . Yet i t woul d see m tha t th e dualit y o f th e task s satisfie d neithe r the student s no r th e instructor . However, th e student-focuse d natur e o f th e curriculu m di d connect wit h th e approac h t o teachin g articulate d i n th e following ES L instructo r comments . I tr y t o teac h materia l student s nee d an d want . I  as k for feedbac k &  inpu t whe n I  desig n m y uni t plan s an d lesso n plans. I  tr y t o b e a s ope n a s possible . I  tr y t o b e a "facilitator" a s curren t jargo n woul d hav e it , encouragin g student involvemen t &  responsibilit y fo r thei r ow n learning . I tr y t o creat e a  comfortable , non-threatenin g atmospher e & try t o mak e learnin g enjoyable  an d interestin g .  .  . 70 The instructo r identifie s he r rol e a s facilitato r b y encouragin g student involvemen t an d responsibilit y fo r thei r learning , an d this teachin g rol e align s wel l wit h th e ES L fo r Busines s Curriculum wher e grou p interactio n entail s bot h th e instructor' s qualifiers fo r a  facilitatin g teachin g role . Relatin g he r rol e t o the comment s student s mad e regardin g ho w th e ES L fo r Busines s course wa s helpin g the m i n thei r Busines s classe s (se e Tabl e 3 ) reveals tha t th e typ e o f instructio n tha t the y foun d usefu l wa s not group-centered . Table 3 . Comments Regardin g Ho w ES L fo r Busines s Helpe d i n Busines s Courses Comments %  o f Comment s Explained BC a t o us . 2  1 Helped u s understan d BC . 2  1 Summarized B C fo r u s (reviewed , ha d quizzes) . 1  8 Prepared u s fo r Busines s exams . 1  1 Confirmed ou r understandin g o f BC . 1  1 Answered ou r question s i n ES L class . 7 We ha d tim e t o rea d Busines s book/cas e studies . 7 Gave u s lectures . 4 BC =  busines s conten t 7 1 In particular , languag e suc h a s "explained" , "summarized" , "prepared", an d "gave " indicat e tha t i n thi s cas e teacher-fronte d learning wa s perceive d a s mor e helpfu l b y student s than  student -centered learning , underscorin g th e instructor' s comment s o f teaching "wha t student s nee d an d want" . Th e instructor' s responsiveness t o studen t inpu t an d thei r comment s show n i n Table 3  she d ligh t o n certai n curriculu m developmen t issue s fo r such specialize d academi c courses . The firs t issu e concern s th e tensio n betwee n th e theoretical perspective s o f task-base d curricul a an d th e real-lif e tasks o f studyin g i n post-secondar y classrooms . Followin g th e theoretical perspective s o f task , th e ES L fo r Busines s Curriculu m specified interactio n throug h grou p activit y ofte n initiate d b y th e Business textbooks , cas e studies , o r lecture s wherea s o f th e fou r main academi c task s i n th e Marketin g an d Managemen t course s i.e., readin g th e textbook , listenin g t o th e lectures , takin g exams , and discussin g cas e studies , onl y th e latte r wa s group-oriented . Furthermore, o f thes e fou r academi c tasks , th e on e whic h counte d least towar d th e fina l grad e wa s th e ora l interactio n one -discussing cas e studies . Th e questio n is : i s i t possibl e t o alig n interactionist perspective s o f curriculum-makin g wit h th e reality o f Canadia n post-secondar y educatio n whic h i s mainl y teacher- f ronted? A relate d an d secon d questio n thes e comment s rais e i s th e type o f instructio n implie d b y task-base d curricula . I n thi s 72 curriculum, th e implici t rol e fo r th e instructo r differ s widel y from th e rol e o f professor-as-lecture r whic h predominate d i n th e Marketing an d Managemen t courses . Th e ES L instructo r identifie s her teachin g rol e a s "facilitator " whil e i n th e ES L fo r Busines s course, th e typ e an d conten t o f instructio n ofte n too k it s lea d from tha t i n th e Busines s classe s an d no t tha t o f th e curriculum . The differenc e i n focu s agai n raise s th e questio n o f a  dua l purpose curriculum : i s i t desirabl e an d effectiv e t o hav e a  dua l purpose curriculum ? In thi s sectio n o f th e Duet , I  hav e recognize d tha t m y private los s le d t o a  revisio n o f m y rol e a s curriculu m write r an d in thi s ne w role , I  presente d th e students ' comment s regardin g recommendations an d thei r insight s t o th e usefulnes s o f th e curriculum. Letting G o My privat e los s wa s no t th e onl y persona l connectio n whic h revealed itself . A  secon d connectio n o f sel f t o th e evaluatio n process wa s mad e a s I  engage d i n th e curriculu m evaluatio n model I  ha d chosen . Attemptin g t o empowe r participants , researchers ca n choos e a n orientatio n t o evaluatio n whic h make s objects subjects . I n makin g th e evaluatio n participatory , I  ha d hoped t o empowe r th e othe r participant s b y includin g the m i n th e planning an d decision-makin g relate d t o th e evaluation . I  aske d the student s an d ES L instructo r t o choos e th e exten t an d typ e o f 73 data the y wishe d t o contribut e (se e Appendice s I  an d J) . Th e majority o f students , a s I  hav e stated , chos e fo r m e t o writ e th e questions fo r th e interviews , discussions , an d questionnaire s an d for th e student s an d instructo r t o mak e suggestion s o r edit . When I  ha d writte n th e firs t draf t o f th e questionnaires , I asked th e ES L instructo r fo r clas s tim e s o tha t th e student s an d ESL instructo r coul d edi t an d suggest , a s the y ha d chosen . A s they bega n t o rea d th e questionnaires , an d writ e comment s o n them, I  wa s excite d an d relieve d tha t th e participator y mode l o f evaluation seeme d t o b e working : the y wer e actuall y commentin g on m y wor k an d fou r o f thes e student s ha d bee n previou s student s of min e th e yea r before ! The y seeme d t o b e takin g th e rol e reversal withi n th e hierarch y o f th e researc h structur e seriously . As I  relate d th e choic e o f a  participator y mode l o f evaluation t o m y privat e experience , agai n th e connectio n t o m y private lif e reveale d itself . M y husban d an d I  ha d mad e a n important socia l an d persona l decision : tha t h e woul d giv e u p a tenured academi c positio n i n favou r o f revisitin g th e creativ e side o f hi s wor k a s a  ceramicis t whil e I  too k o n a  continuin g teaching position . I n effect , w e ha d reverse d th e traditiona l social role s o f husban d a s primar y brea d winne r an d wif e a s secondary wag e earner . Apparently , awarenes s o f traditiona l relationships wa s a  them e a t tha t time . Th e nex t poem , "May -December", speak s t o th e tensio n o f challengin g traditiona l re la t ionships . 7 4 Mqy-December She marrie d a n olde r ma n And s o sh e seek s hi s permissio n To tur n o n th e stere o To hav e a  child . People tel l he r don' t d o that , Her dream s tel l he r th e same . Yet, perhap s sh e fear s His disapprova l Or wors e hi s abandon , Like tha t othe r father . The them e o f "May-December " speak s t o th e authorit y whic h is presen t i n man y forms , fro m parent s t o employers , fro m teachers t o theories , fro m government s t o inne r voices , an d th e tension involve d i n breakin g fro m authority . Ye t eve n whe n th e woman understand s tha t sh e relate s t o authorit y fro m a traditional rol e fo r women , sh e i s stil l challenge d b y breakin g from it . A relate d exampl e o f th e difficult y o f breakin g fro m traditional role s come s fro m th e students ' experienc e o f studyin g in a  differen t ES L program . Th e rol e o f "apprentice " i n loca l businesses wa s on e whic h student s easil y accepted , perhap s a s many o f the m ha d wor k experienc e eithe r i n thei r family' s business o r o n thei r own . O f th e 1 7 comment s o f th e student -centered practic a wher e student s spen t thre e hour s pe r wee k working wit h a  loca l business , 1 2 wer e positive , thre e wer e negative, an d tw o offere d suggestions . Her e i s wha t on e studen t 7 5 And on e mor e goo d experienc e fo r me , i t wa s practicum. S o I  wa s workin g a t Ar t Galler y a t [nam e o f city] an d I  learne d a  lo t o f thing s fro m m y manage r .  .  .  Sh e had a  tou r fo r elementar y schoo l students , an d sh e explai n each wor k an d sh e aske d th e studen t ho w d o yo u fee l whe n you se e thi s pictur e an d wh y d o yo u fee l that ? See m lik e this kin d o f question , an d sh e explai n eac h wor k an d I learned a  lo t o f thing s throug h thi s tou r . . . I  di d fram e wor k and I  pu t pictur e i n th e frame , an d I  hav e t o choos e bac k colour an d wa s very , ver y interestin g fo r me , an d I  enjoye d the practicu m This commen t suggest s tha t he r enjoymen t an d interes t fro m th e practicum cam e fro m fairl y non-interactiv e tasks . Fo r neithe r activity wa s sh e require d t o interac t orall y wit h Canadians . Wh y does sh e see m t o prefe r les s interactiv e tasks ? Wa s i t personality? Gender ? Wit h regard s t o th e former , researc h i n second languag e learnin g an d personalit y draw s inconclusiv e results. Som e studie s sho w tha t extroversio n seem s t o lea d t o more efficien t languag e learnin g bu t other s conclud e tha t introverted student s ar e ofte n ver y effectiv e languag e learner s (Lightbown &  Spada , 1993) . Regarding a  gende r explanation , whil e "w e kno w o f n o stud y that ha s systematicall y investigate d th e rat e o f SL A [secon d language acquisition ] i n female s versu s males " (Larsen-Freema n & Long , 1991 , p . 204) , som e studie s cit e gende r difference s a s 7 6 incidental findings . A  gende r explanatio n i n th e experienc e o f th e practicum i s therefor e plausible , an d hold s promis e fo r researc h in ESL . A fina l studen t commen t wil l complet e th e them e o f accepting ne w role s withi n th e top-dow n structure s i n whic h w e live an d work . I n thi s comment , th e student , th e onl y lande d immigrant i n th e course , speak s t o th e hierarch y o f ES L student s at OUC . It wa s har d t o ge t int o thi s program . The y don' t offe r to lande d immigrant . The y jus t offerin g t o internationa l students. I  fel t it' s no t fai r tha t jus t offe r t o internationa l students . . . I  wa s talkin g [to ] counselling , i n Studen t Services, an d ES L Department , an d I  wa s talkin g t o hea d o f Business Administratio n office , an d I  talke d wit h them , Chairman o f ESL , an d the y jus t foolin g around . [It ] too k several week s t o ge t i n thes e course s .  .  .  The y tol d m e [ I was] persistent . As internationa l student s fun d 100 % o f thei r educatio n a t OUC , the ES L Departmen t i s dependen t o n thei r fee s fo r it s existence , and it s program s hav e bee n develope d wit h thei r need s i n mind . Landed immigrant s ar e permitte d t o registe r i f enoug h space s permit, bu t OU C doe s no t conside r tha t it s mandat e i s t o addres s the loca l ES L community . Therefore, a  two-tiere d syste m o f service s an d fee s fo r ES L students i s apparen t an d thi s include s registration . Wherea s 7 7 international student s ar e advise d i n thi s process , immigran t students ar e not , a s th e commen t abov e point s out . Thi s studen t recognizes hi s relationshi p t o th e two-tiere d system , an d understandably see s th e unfairnes s i n suc h a  discriminatin g one . A make-d o solutio n addressin g th e particula r difficult y fo r thi s student woul d b e t o hav e informatio n an d explanation s regardin g the ES L fo r Busines s progra m an d registratio n availabl e an d accessible i n th e office s o f ES L an d it s division . In thi s due t I  hav e trie d t o illustrat e th e layer s o f th e research experience . I n th e firs t an d mos t superficia l layer , I uncovered th e publi c experience s o f needin g t o follo w wor k I  ha d co-created, an d choosin g a n evaluatio n mode l whic h allowe d m e to revers e th e participan t roles . I n th e secon d layer , th e publi c experiences ar e connecte d t o th e privat e laye r o f experienc e i n being a  spouse . My intentio n a t disclosin g thes e layer s ha s bee n t o creat e a more holisti c perspectiv e o f th e stud y itself , an d t o realiz e th e premise tha t th e persona l i s th e political . Makin g thes e connections i n m y stud y leave s m e questionin g th e validit y o f knowledge originatin g fro m positivis t studie s whic h separat e teachers, students , an d curricul a fro m thei r contexts . I  als o question th e exten t tha t researc h i s a  mirro r o f th e persona l sid e of th e researcher' s life , an d contain s hidde n agenda s whic h determine wha t i s uncovered , how , an d why . 7 8 Duet o f Contradictio n You n o doub t hav e bee n observin g he r failing s an d foibles an d decidin g wha t effec t the y hav e ha d o n he r opinions. Yo u hav e bee n contradictin g he r an d makin g whatever addition s an d deduction s see m goo d t o you . Tha t is al l a s i t shoul d be , fo r i n a  questio n lik e thi s trut h i s onl y to b e ha d b y layin g togethe r man y varietie s o f error . (Woolf, 1929 , p . 232 ) 7 9 Living withi n th e Hierarch y A vie w o f feminis t researc h woul d no t onl y accep t paradoxical data , bu t woul d contai n them . I n Haraway' s (1991 ) desire fo r a  reinventio n o f science , sh e write s tha t "al l components o f th e desir e ar e paradoxica l an d dangerous , an d thei r combinations bot h contradictor y an d necessary " (p . 187) . Pagan o (1992) ask s tha t femal e intellectual s "ai m trul y fo r power , th e power whic h mus t b e taken , canno t b e conferred , b y understandin g and celebratin g th e contradiction s i n ou r ow n lives " (p . 526) . An d in education , Lewi s (1993 ) agrees : "Th e fac t tha t experienc e i s the substanc e o f theor y ha s particula r meaning s fo r women . Muc h of wha t w e experienc e o f th e worl d i s th e dichotomou s an d contradictory realitie s . . . " (p . 10) . As I  reflecte d o n th e evaluatio n environment , conflictin g data presente d itself . I  situate d th e contradictor y dat a withi n the study , neithe r rejectin g i t no r shapin g i t int o a  pre-existin g structure/theory. I n relatin g th e contradictions , I  hav e groupe d them aroun d thos e concernin g hierarchy , an d thos e relate d t o developing voice . Within th e hierarch y o f th e institution s i n whic h th e evaluation wa s conducted , I  was , lik e Kirku p (1986) , place d alon g the chai n o f command . I n m y role s a s curriculu m write r an d evaluator, eve n thoug h I  wa s tryin g t o achiev e th e idea l o f participatory evaluation—non-hierarch y an d cooperatio n 80 (Kirkup)--I observe d instance s o f behavin g an d reactin g a s a n authority figur e i n th e dat a collectio n stage . How di d m y authorit y manifes t itself ? Whil e I  base d th e data collectio n o n th e students ' an d instructor' s decisions , nea r the en d o f th e collectio n process , I  aske d the m fo r dat a whic h they ha d no t initiall y chose n (se e Appendi x H) . Thes e wer e th e individual narratives . Afte r collectin g questionnair e an d smal l group discussio n data , I  though t I  neede d mor e individual , qualitative data . O f course , givin g th e dat a wa s voluntary , bu t still I  ha d mad e th e decisio n a s th e researcher , no t them . Second, I  mentione d i n Due t o f Connectio n tha t th e student s and instructo r responde d wel l t o thei r rol e a s participant s an d commented an d edite d th e evaluatio n questionnaires . Yet , a s I continued t o maintai n th e dynami c tensio n o f observer -participant tha t afternoon , I  realize d tha t wheneve r student s raised thei r han d t o mak e a n ora l suggestion , I  ha d a n inne r defensiveness. I  trie d no t t o sho w i t i n bod y languag e o r otherwise a s I  wante d the m t o continu e t o sugges t an d edi t a s much a s the y chose , an d indee d the y mad e severa l suggestion s which I  followe d i n re-writin g th e questionnaires . M y defensiveness wa s i n th e for m o f thought s suc h as , "Ho w dar e this studen t questio n me! " an d "Wh o doe s h e thin k h e is . He' s jus t a studen t an d I' m th e exper t here! " Jone s (1985 ) describe s similar inabilitie s b y wome n t o adop t alternativ e ideologie s concerning thei r sexuality . I  accepte d ou r reversa l o f hierarch y 8 1 only t o a  limite d exten t eve n thoug h i n principl e I  ha d adopte d wholeheartedly a  participator y mode l o f evaluation . Th e poe m which follows , "Preparing" , speak s t o th e parado x withi n a working woman' s dua l reality . Preparing You lef t earl y t o pic k thos e froze n grape s o f sweetnes s Leaving m e wit h solitud e an d tim e To realiz e m y own , And be . The ne w impor t wa s turne d o n an d fitte d wit h a  dis c Of Italia n robus t feminin e son g But no t befor e I  sa t And read . I prepare d the n m y mas k fo r th e lon g progra m ahea d The wor m o f frigh t an d uncertaint y no w awakenin g i n me ; And a s I  dresse d i n gre y wool , th e wor m turnin g ove r i n m y stomach, It bein g m y companio n fo r th e day' s program , i t no w reachin g m y t h r o a t And I  swallowin g har d t o kee p i t down , sta y dow n s o tha t I  ma y g o ou t the re , I d o indee d hav e th e worm , th e suit , an d th e mas k t o assis t m e i n th e hunting forest . In "Preparing" , th e woma n ha s th e luxur y o f tim e t o become , connecting bod y an d mind , ye t wha t lie s ahea d tha t da y i s th e tense, anxiety-ridde n existenc e o f th e masculin e environmen t where camouflag e i n th e wa y o f clothin g an d mask s i s needed . Allowing th e woma n t o procee d wit h he r workin g da y ye t 8 2 preventing a  connectio n o f min d an d body , th e mask s an d costumes hid e th e emotion s o f uncertaint y an d fright . In th e presen t study , th e fear s o f writin g alternatively , an d from privat e experienc e hav e been  i n th e for m o f question s t o myself. Ho w wil l m y audienc e understan d th e text ? Wil l m y colleagues tak e m e seriousl y o r se e m e a s threatening ? Wil l m y academic disciplin e clos e door s o n me ? Wil l a  feminis t thesi s make m e les s desirabl e a s a  futur e employee ? Dunlo p (1994) , Lewis (1993) , an d Tompkin s (1991 ) expres s simila r fear s i n writing alternativel y an d abou t th e private-publi c duality . Fear wa s als o a n emotio n expresse d i n th e evaluatio n dat a by on e staf f participant . Th e fea r wa s mor e apparen t whe n thi s staff membe r expresse d concer n th e da y afte r th e commen t wa s given tha t th e institutio n migh t rea d it . . . . I  though t m y evaluation , o r th e college' s evaluation o f me , woul d b e base d o n th e studen t performance [i n th e Busines s courses] . Tha t wa s neve r sai d to me , bu t tha t wa s ho w I  felt . S o I  reall y wante d t o mak e sure th e student s understoo d th e textbook . Unemployment threaten s non-permanen t teachin g staf f wh o are , in th e cas e o f th e ES L Department , al l female , an d i s a n on-goin g concern t o them . Th e threa t o f unemploymen t coul d com e fro m poor evaluation s o f thei r teachin g o r fro m a  decreas e o f enrollment du e t o othe r countries ' economi c situations . Bein g 83 consumers o f high-priced 1 ES L courses , student s "sho p around " for a n ES L progra m tha t meet s thei r needs . Whe n a  nee d arises , such a s ES L fo r Business , th e I E Offic e an d th e ES L Departmen t try t o respon d throug h developin g programs . Whil e student s d o not behav e lik e bosses , w e mak e ou r livin g b y them , an d ou r performance i s evaluate d b y them . Th e economi c powe r o f international student s a s wel l a s th e powe r o f teachin g evaluations plac e the m i n a n authoritativ e position , a s th e abov e staff commen t illustrates . Another contradictio n relate d t o lif e withi n th e hierarch y was agai n foun d i n m y ne w rol e a s brea d winner . Privately , m y experience o f spousa l rol e reversa l reflecte d a  simila r parado x t o the researc h on e o f acceptin g ye t rejectin g a  les s authoritativ e role. Whil e m y husban d an d I  wer e bot h satisfie d wit h ou r decision, w e coul d no t possibl y imagin e th e dept h o f adjustmen t that ne w spousa l role s entailed . Havin g mad e th e decisio n di d no t automatically ente r u s i n th e role s w e ha d chosen . Yet , whil e still strugglin g t o accep t m y ne w role , I  bega n t o fee l mor e powerful becaus e o f it . I  seeme d t o hav e an d enjoye d havin g a stronger privat e voic e a s a  resul t o f earnin g a  large r pa y cheque ! I wa s adoptin g ye t rejectin g th e patriarcha l role . A simila r them e confronte d th e ES L fo r Busines s students . A non-traditiona l studen t rol e wa s on e whic h wa s no t easil y 1The curren t an d competitiv e pric e fo r a  16-week , five-hou r dail y ES L instructio n at OU C i s ove r $3 , 000 . 8 4 adopted a s th e nex t commen t fro m th e Busines s professo r i l l u s t r a t e s . I don' t thin k the y [ES L fo r Busines s students ] wer e full y prepared fo r clas s discussion . I  don' t kno w i f that' s jus t because n o on e tol d the m the y woul d b e require d t o participate i n tha t manner , o r i f they'r e goin g t o b e shy . It' s not ver y comfortabl e fo r them . Bu t I  thin k mayb e the y should hav e ha d mor e indicatio n eithe r o n m y par t o r o n somebody else' s part , tellin g them , 'Liste n yo u guys , part icipate.1 While h e realize s tha t th e student s migh t no t hav e bee n awar e o f his expectatio n t o participate , an d tha t the y wer e sh y doin g so , nevertheless h e expecte d the m t o b e prepare d fo r suc h a  task . The studen t commen t belo w tell s u s he r opinio n o f thi s activity . And abou t th e grou p participation . I t wa s a  goo d ide a to hav e grou p participatin g i n [Business ] class . Bu t d o yo u know th e resul t o f this ? Th e result' s alway s th e sam e person giv e hi s idea s an d th e sam e perso n alway s tal k i n c l a s s . Pica (1994 ) note s tha t "althoug h w e woul d lik e al l o f ou r student s to fee l comfortabl e i n th e classroo m environmen t an d fee l tha t they ca n participat e freely , man y refrai n fro m doin g so , ofte n a s a resul t o f thei r previou s classroo m experience " (p . 63) . Mos t o f the ES L fo r Busines s student s cam e fro m a n educationa l traditio n 85 of larg e teacher-fronte d classroom s wher e ora l participatio n i s discouraged excep t throug h a  direc t teacher-to-studen t question . The studen t commen t abov e doe s no t indicat e languag e a s a barrier t o he r participation , bu t rathe r th e monopolizatio n o f th e group b y on e student . Would a n ES L fo r Busines s Curriculu m whic h addresse d ways o f overcomin g suc h studen t passivit y hav e affecte d he r participation? Perhaps , bu t thi s woul d firs t entai l man y conditions: th e instructo r choosin g t o us e suc h a  curriculu m task , the student s participatin g i n th e task , an d thei r participatio n i n the tas k affectin g thei r behavio r i n th e othe r courses , t o nam e a few. Consider th e man y influence s o n m y writin g a  feminis t thesis. First , I  registere d i n tw o course s which , b y chance , wer e taught b y wome n wh o believe d i n th e teachin g experienc e an d encouraged suc h discussion . Eac h o f thes e professor s ha d he r ow n curriculum an d bot h affecte d considerabl y m y movemen t fro m on e research paradig m t o th e other . Second , ther e wa s m y ow n reading o f curriculu m evaluatio n o f whic h certai n article s afforded furthe r movement . A relate d influenc e wa s m y ow n "curricula r readiness"— I had grow n wear y o f positivis t explanation s an d throug h poetr y and journa l writin g ha d discovere d anothe r voice . Anothe r influence wa s a  flexibl e an d accommodatin g thesi s committe e o f which on e member , th e poet , I  ha d neve r me t before . Then , th e 8 6 contradictions uncovere d i n th e analysi s o f th e data , describe d next i n thi s duet , wer e a  fina l lon g step . So , eve n thoug h curriculum developer s writ e empowerin g curricula , "a n emancipatory inten t i s n o guarante e o f a n emancipator y outcome " (Acker e t al , quote d i n Lather , 1988 , p . 576) . In thi s evaluatio n m y inten t wa s t o liberat e u s fro m th e constraints o f hierarchica l research . Th e exten t tha t w e participated i n th e endeavo r wa s no t surprisin g a s ou r participation varie d accordin g t o th e amoun t o f contac t w e ha d with th e curriculum-as-document . I  participate d th e most , th e ESL instructo r an d student s next , the n th e Busines s professor , and finall y th e I E adviso r leas t o f all . Th e student s an d th e instructor di d accep t thei r rol e i n decision-makin g an d followe d through b y participatin g t o th e exten t the y ha d chosen . Many Truth s Returning t o m y experienc e o f shiftin g ground , becomin g conscious wa s als o a  wonderfu l dichotomy . A s I  bega n t o mak e the connection s betwee n m y privat e an d publi c experienc e withi n the stud y an d the n connec t thi s experienc e wit h othe r writers ' and researchers ' simila r experiences , I  wa s excite d an d comforted. M y commitmen t t o shiftin g fro m positivis t groun d t o a feminis t on e deepened , an d foun d strengt h i n numbers . Yet, a t th e sam e time , ther e wa s a  struggl e i n acceptin g th e new groun d becaus e a s I  shifte d fro m on e t o another , I  containe d 87 both orientation s a t once . I  wa s rejecting , partiall y i f no t completely, knowledg e an d a  wa y o f perceivin g th e worl d tha t I believed t o b e "true " an d tha t I  ha d attempte d t o practic e a s truths. I  wa s als o beginnin g t o perceiv e mysel f differently , n o longer a s a  "knower" . A s I  move d close r t o th e othe r ground , I  wa s angry tha t I  ha d bee n le d dow n a  pat h whic h ha d hel d ou t artificia l constructs a s answer s an d tha t m y "I " ha d bee n negate d alon g th e way, ye t fearfu l o f th e unknown s i n th e alternativ e orientation . Letting g o o f positivis m require d tha t I  firs t hav e a  foo t o n eac h grounding. Th e them e o f "Slippin g Beyond " underscore s th e limitations involve d i n reachin g outsid e th e greate r structure s o f our lives . Slipping Beyon d Finally, I sawe d throug h th e rust y bar s o f That dar k cag e And slippin g beyon d I  foun d My hea d ha d falle n of f Here I  stretche d Each larg e muscl e grou p To th e coun t o f te n I coul d stan d o n ti p toes , reac h ou t And touc h he r And he r And hi m Their finge r tip s -  ( I looke d closely ) Looked lik e mine , ye t Their swea t lef t differen t residues . Joining hands , w e encircle d 8 8 Our cag e an d Swayed t o th e rhyth m o f Hips an d Hair , momen t afte r momen t Until th e daw n cam e whe n We steppe d bac k To fee l anothe r Cold stee l Pressing ou r flesh . This poe m speak s t o th e liberatio n ye t limitation s w e encounter i n attemptin g t o "brea k awa y fro m th e orientatio n tha t may blin d us " (Aoki , 1992 , p . 20) . Th e imprisone d speake r enjoy s the physicalit y o f he r escap e an d th e contac t wit h other s wh o ar e the sam e ye t different . Thei r celebratio n i s onl y temporar y a s they realiz e the y ar e imprisone d withi n ye t a  greate r structure . Toward th e en d o f m y journe y fro m a  positivis t perspectiv e to a  feminis t one , I  too k a  lon g ste p a s a  resul t o f dichotomou s data fro m th e ES L fo r Busines s students . Student s ha d opposin g opinions o n severa l component s o f th e program , whic h include d the campu s o n whic h th e cours e wa s located , thei r attitude s t o working har d i n th e Busines s courses , th e I E Office , th e focu s o f the course , an d thei r perception s o f interactin g wit h Canadians . Of interes t i s th e las t componen t fo r whic h fou r studen t comments follow . Th e firs t studen t believe d thi s interactio n wa s posi t ive . First Studen t Comment : Before I  too k thi s [ES L fo r Business ] course , I  usuall y only communicat e wit h hos t mothe r an d teacher , wit h 8 9 Canadian. Bu t no w I  hav e t o stud y among  th e Canadia n students an d communicat e wit h the m an d whe n I  wen t t o practicum, I  hav e t o communicat e wit h them . S o I  thin k it' s very goo d . . . A t tha t tim e [las t semester ] I  wa s takin g Accounting an d Marketing . I  thin k I  didn' t hav e communication wit h Canadian . Bu t thi s semeste r i n Management an d Canadia n Busines s w e ha d t o discus s abou t case wit h Canadia n students , s o tha t i s goo d communication. In contrast , th e nex t commen t illustrate s no t onl y a  differenc e o f opinion regardin g th e effec t o f studyin g wit h Canadian s bu t als o a contrasting metho d whic h sh e believe s works . Second Studen t Comment : I thin k i t [bein g wit h Canadia n students ] doesn' t d o anything. Eve n I  don' t stud y wit h Canadia n student s bu t I learn fro m outsid e th e clas s b y noticing , an d no w I' m livin g in th e dor m an d tw o o f m y roommates , Canadians , som e things I  lear n fro m the m best . While addin g t o th e opinio n tha t studyin g wit h Canadian s ha s little effec t o n languag e development , th e thir d commen t fall s into ye t anothe r categor y o f thi s experience . Third Studen t Comment : The feelin g fo r bein g i n th e Busines s course s ha s bee n very gettin g lot s o f pressur e o n m e becaus e ever y tim e there wa s assignment s t o catc h u p an d especiall y th e 9 0 options classe s ar e alway s wit h Canadians . Al l wit h Canadians s o tha t mad e m e s o nervou s .  .  . He believe s bein g i n clas s wit h Canadian s gav e hi m anxiety . Th e final commen t als o addresse s th e negativit y o f studyin g wit h Canadians ye t point s ou t a  differen t source . Fourth Studen t Comment : Being wit h Canadia n students , i t didn' t mak e m e nervous bu t som e subject s like , righ t now , ar e difficult  fo r me t o understand . Mayb e m y Englis h i s no t goo d enoug h an d then som e vocabular y I  don' t understan d s o I  hav e t o ope n the dictionary , I  hav e t o tak e time , s o I  hav e lot s o f wor k t o do, s o I  fee l frustrated . The presenc e o f Canadian s create d n o anxiet y fo r her , ye t th e level o f languag e i n thei r textbook s frustrate d her . Littl e seem s to b e commo n amon g th e fou r opinion s give n above . Th e las t thre e comments poin t ou t th e negativit y o f th e situation -ineffectiveness, nervousness , an d frustration—bu t th e firs t student believe s i t wa s goo d an d implie s sh e learne d t o communicate b y participatin g whil e th e secon d studen t state s she learne d b y observing . Th e thir d studen t implie s tha t th e number o f assignment s wer e actuall y a  barrie r t o learnin g a s the y gave hi m pressure ; however , th e las t commen t indicate s tha t he r barrier wa s unknow n vocabular y which , granted , woul d hav e increased a s th e assignment s increased . 9 1 Firestone an d Dawso n (1988 ) writ e that , "seemingl y contradictory evidenc e generate d fro m differen t method s ca n al l be correct , bu t represen t differen t perspective s o n o r aspect s o f phenomena" (p . 213) . Triangulatin g th e dat a collectio n i n thi s study ha s provide d a n openin g fo r th e contradiction s t o presen t themselves. Likewise , conclusion s i n separat e SL A studie s persistently contradic t themselve s (Lightbow n &  Spada , 1993) . What absolut e truths , then , d o w e kno w abou t secon d languag e learning? I  a m wit h Clark e (1994 ) wh o write s that , there i s n o objectiv e trut h ou t there , waitin g t o b e discovered, writte n u p an d delivere d t o teacher s b y researchers an d theoreticians . Ther e is , however , one' s ow n experience, whic h i s availabl e fo r scrutin y an d understanding an d whic h ca n b e use d a s th e basi s fo r action , (p. 20 ) The contradictor y studen t comment s abov e an d other s spok e t o me o f th e limitation s o f attemptin g t o uncove r a  singl e truth . "True" depend s o n th e viewer . Lik e Kirku p (1986) , I  believ e th e study ha s bee n 'meaningful' rathe r tha n 'true' , an d althoug h perhap s no t generalizable i n th e researc h sens e i t wil l allo w other s access t o th e experienc e o f thos e i n m y sampl e i n suc h a way tha t wil l contribut e t o suc h other s gainin g insigh t int o their ow n situations . (p . 82-83 ) The struggl e i n shiftin g m y researc h groundin g wa s mad e smoother b y findin g a  plac e fo r th e contradictor y dat a i n thi s duet. I n doin g so , I  hav e questione d traditiona l scholarshi p values wit h whic h I  hav e bee n conditione d a s th e tru e ones . 93 Duet o f Relatio n I wrot e th e 100t h pag e today . O f course , I'v e onl y been feelin g m y wa y int o i t -  u p til l las t Augus t anyhow . I t took m e a  year' s gropin g t o discove r wha t I  cal l m y tunnelling process , b y whic h I  tel l th e pas t b y instalments , as I  hav e nee d o f it . Thi s i s m y prim e discover y s o fa r .  .  . that yo u ca n d o thi s sor t o f thin g consciously . (Woolf , 1953, p . 87 ) 9 4 Relating t o Wor k As I  complete d th e dat a collectio n an d prepare d t o begi n th e thesis writing , I  kne w tha t m y documen t woul d b e different , tha t I wa s puttin g muc h o n th e line , an d tha t m y orientatio n t o research ha d change d fundamentally . M y challeng e wa s t o represent th e dualit y o f th e evaluatio n study : i t ha d encompasse d an evaluatio n o f a  curriculu m documen t an d a  journe y o f breakin g away fro m a  certai n researc h perspective . An d a t m y fingertip s were th e dat a tha t represente d thi s duality . Th e writin g tas k ahead seeme d complex . Relatin g t o tha t writin g i s th e them e o f the followin g poem , "Th e Ant" . The An t My yar d i s ful l Of spring-lik e things -I sens e the m a t th e star t To rea d an d writ e My master-piece . My tas k i s underway ! And then , a n an t Whose wor k i s small , Moving grai n b y grai n From her e t o ther e And, b y th e way , Picks u p a  large r piec e o f eart h Begins agai n alon g it s pat h But double s back -Is thi s th e route ? Or, ove r there , anothe r piec e Of eart h t o bring , And, Oh ! A  leaf -It's no t to o big , 9 5 But wait ! A blad e o f gras s And dow n th e othe r side . Yet nothin g t o sho w For al l th e work -Oh, no ! Thi s ant , It canno t be ! But yes , it' s true -It seem s lik e me . "The Ant " provide s a  ligh t an d livel y relatio n t o th e important wor k ahead . Th e newl y recovere d voic e identifie s th e beginning o f he r work . Relatin g t o he r natura l environment , sh e playfully identifie s th e ant' s seemingl y bus y ye t unproductiv e tasks t o he r ow n writin g o f a  majo r work . I n th e beginning , whil e it wa s th e typ e o f challeng e I  desired , th e tas k seeme d overwhelming wit h th e amoun t o f informatio n t o accoun t for . Similarly, comment s fro m th e ES L instructo r indicat e tha t initially sh e wa s overwhelme d b y th e curriculum . Th e followin g comments articulat e ho w he r orientatio n t o th e curriculu m document bega n an d evolved . Maybe I'l l star t b y sayin g tha t I  hav e wondere d tha t there ha s bee n a  lo t o f informatio n an d I'v e bee n confuse d a s to ho w muc h tim e I  shoul d spen d wit h th e tex t boo k versu s how muc h tim e I  shoul d spen d o n th e languag e aspec t o f thi s curriculum. An d th e curriculu m guid e ha d tremendou s activities t o do , languag e based , tha t woul d supplemen t th e text boo k bu t I  fel t tha t i t wa s s o muc h wor k t o d o al l o f i t 9 6 and tha t I  coul d neve r ge t aroun d t o doin g al l o f it . Therefore I  spen t quit e a  bi t mor e time , I  think , focussin g on th e tex t boo k whic h I  didn' t alway s wan t t o d o . . . T o begin with , I  use d th e curriculu m firs t t o pla n instruction . It wa s ver y usefu l a t th e beginnin g o f th e courses . A s th e course proceede d I  followe d th e orde r &  conten t o f th e current textboo k &  use d th e curriculu m t o supplemen t th e text . My lesson s flowe d ou t o f th e Chapter s th e student s had t o cove r i n thei r Cdn . marketing/mngmen t classes . E.g . if th e chapte r t o b e covere d i n th e wee k wa s motivatio n -then I  wen t t o th e curriculu m sectio n o n motivatio n & looked a t th e idea s presented . I f i t supplemente d th e current textboo k well , o r wa s a  goo d exampl e o f a  pt . covered, the n I  use d it . I  woul d modif y th e task s use d according t o availabl e time . Sometimes , student s ha d t o cover 2 . chapter s a  week! ! The y woul d pani c &  woul d no t want t o spen d to o muc h tim e o n tasks . The startin g poin t fo r he r orientatio n t o teachin g wa s th e curriculum, bu t a s th e semeste r continue d an d th e demand s an d pressure o n th e student s t o pas s th e Busines s course s increased , she modifie d he r orientatio n b y usin g th e Busines s textboo k a s the startin g point , an d supplementin g th e textboo k conten t wit h the curriculum . A s a  result , th e student-focuse d curriculu m with grou p tas k a s it s uni t o f analysi s wa s secondar y t o th e 9 7 overriding tas k o f understandin g Busines s conten t throug h teacher-fronted lessons . The instructor' s proces s o f articulatin g th e curriculu m illustrated fo r m e th e rol e th e curriculum-as-documen t plays . Whereas I  ha d see n curricula r document s a s th e en d poin t o f pedagogy becaus e m y tas k a s develope r wa s finishe d whe n th e document wa s complete , the y ar e i n fac t no t onl y th e beginnin g o f pedagogy bu t als o pla y a  les s significan t rol e tha n I  ha d believed . Ultimately, th e teache r respondin g o r no t t o student s an d administration, i s th e curriculu m creator , an d eve n thoug h thi s curriculum ma y no t b e i n th e for m o f a  forma l document , i t i s th e teacher, a s a  vessel , wh o contain s an d decant s th e conten t an d method o f deliverin g tha t content . Power o f th e Persona l In evaluatin g a  curriculu m I  co-developed , I  hav e uncovere d a relationshi p o f m y publi c an d persona l persona s wit h regar d t o the study . Attemptin g t o reconcil e th e tensio n i n tha t relationship, I  hav e questione d th e positivis t traditio n o f objectivity an d singl e truth s fo r comple x processe s suc h a s curriculum work . Qualitativ e dat a fro m autobiographica l text s and poetr y illustrat e th e powe r o f th e persona l t o underpi n decisions an d action s relevan t t o research , even  withi n a  woma n like m e wh o ha s ha d a  fairl y stead y die t o f positivis t scholarship . Including suc h dat a i n th e creatio n o f a n alternativ e thesi s for m 9 8 has been  gloriou s an d joyful . Yet , th e examinatio n o f a phenomenon i n whic h I  wa s centere d i s a  frighteningl y non -traditional plac e fo r a  researcher , a s I  hav e writte n earlier , an d like Tompkin s (1991) , I  shar e he r embarrassmen t a t writin g wit h and abou t emotions , because I'v e bee n taugh t the y ar e mush y an d sentimenta l an d smack o f chea p popula r psycholog y .  . .  Th e ridiculin g o f th e 'touchy-feely,' o f th e 'Micke y Mouse, ' o f th e sentimenta l (often associate d wit h teachin g tha t take s students ' concerns int o account) , belong s t o th e traditio n Aliso n Jaggar rightl y characterize d a s foundin g knowledg e i n th e denial o f emotion , (p . 178 ) Once I  bega n t o accep t tha t par t o f learnin g wa s personal -and thi s acceptanc e starte d durin g tha t summe r schoo l I  hav e described i n Due t o f Recovery— a plac e fo r th e emotiona l components o f th e evaluatio n stud y wa s prepared . Thes e components wer e m y persona l relatio n t o th e purpos e an d mode l of evaluation , th e emotiona l proces s o f shiftin g fro m a  positivis t ground t o a  feminis t one , an d th e emotiona l proces s o f th e students i n studyin g i n a  linguisticall y an d sociall y challengin g program. Th e powe r o f emotio n i s th e them e o f th e followin g poem, "Dea r Reader" . Dear Reade r Whispers In th e sof t 9 9 Nestling o f you r Ea r Bring th e chil l o f ho t breat h Down you r spine . Shuddering, you r shoulde r Curls , As yo u liste n For another . Dear Reader , Your Ea r Has n o eyes , Yet i t ha s see n Me. "Dear Reader " addresse s th e relationshi p whic h ca n develo p between peopl e wh o shar e whispers , i n thi s case , I  wa s sharin g the persona l dimensio n o f m y scholarshi p wit h m y thesi s committee. Th e sympatheti c reade r react s t o th e messag e fro m the body , an d rathe r than  tur n awa y fro m mor e messages , listen s for them . Th e messenge r i s awar e o f th e trus t betwee n them . In describin g th e effec t th e ES L fo r Busines s Curriculu m ha d on them , th e ES L student s expresse d a  rang e o f emotion s a s th e next comment s fro m tw o student s illustrate . First Studen t Comment : Sometimes I  ha d s o muc h frustratio n o r bein g ver y stressed out , a s I  hav e neve r studie d tha t har d before . Bu t now a s I  hav e finishe d al l th e classes , an d s o on , I  fee l tha t I becom e mor e patien t abou t studying . .  .  . 100 Second Studen t Comment : First mont h I  ha d a  littl e bi t ver y har d tim e becaus e each teache r i n Marketin g an d Accountin g gav e u s a  lo t o f work, an d w e ha d t o rea d man y page s o f textboo k unti l nex t week, ever y week . Ever y week-en d w e ha d homewor k . . . I was wonderin g i f I  coul d continu e wit h tha t bu t n o choice . I kept studyin g hard . Whe n I  finishe d mid-term , I  fel t a  littl e bit comfortabl e becaus e I  go t a  goo d result . They agai n expres s thei r feeling s o f frustratio n an d bein g overwhelmed fro m th e wor k loa d i n th e program , ye t a  sens e o f accomplishment a t meetin g thei r commitment . The effec t o f th e curriculu m o n th e ES L instructo r wa s als o mixed. Sh e foun d th e curriculu m flexible , organized , an d non -threatening an d reporte d usin g mos t (61% ) o f th e task s liste d successfully .  A s mentione d above , whil e sh e fel t th e task s flowed wit h th e Busines s conten t o f th e textbooks , sh e wa s uncertain o f th e amoun t o f Busines s conten t vis-a-vi s Busines s English sh e ough t t o hav e covered . So , lik e an y responsiv e instructor, sh e responde d t o th e demand s o f th e textbook s a s sh e felt tha t wa s th e students ' nee d an d he r perceptio n o f th e expectations o f th e institute . In mos t cases , th e student s successfull y complete d th e certificate wit h on e exception , a s evidence d b y thei r grade s i n Business course s presente d i n Tabl e 4 . N o studen t reporte d failing, bu t on e droppe d ou t o f th e Managemen t course . 101 In additio n t o thei r reporte d grade s whic h addres s on e o f the purpose s o f th e course , th e student s als o commente d o n thei r increased abilit y i n English , th e othe r focu s o f th e course . Tabl e 5 present s th e aspect s o f languag e student s perceive d a s havin g improved. Table 4 -Reported Grade s fo r Marketin g an d Managemen t Course s Grades i n %  %  o f Response s I don' t know 3 8 50-50% 8 60-67% 8 68-79% 6 5 80-100% 8 a=I don' t know " =  di d no t remembe r thei r grade o r ha d no t kep t trac k o f thei r grade i n th e Busines s cours e the y wer e attending. Their perceptio n tha t readin g improve d th e mos t i s no t surprising considerin g th e amoun t o f textboo k an d cas e stud y reading the y did . Wha t i s interestin g i s th e lo w percentag e o f comments whic h cite d listening . Wit h th e increase d numbe r o f hours o f exposur e t o Englis h speaker s throug h followin g lecture s 102 and cas e stud y discussions , a  ratin g simila r t o readin g woul d have bee n expected . Table 5 . Student Citation s Regardin g Aspec t o f Languag e Whic h Improved Language Aspec t %  o f Citation s Reading 4 2 Vocabulary 2 5 Writing 1 7 Speaking 8 Listening 8 Perhaps th e lecture s an d discussion s wer e delivere d a t a  largel y incomprehensible rat e wherea s wit h th e reading s texts , the y ha d time t o rerea d an d review . In thi s par t o f th e Duet , I  hav e relate d tha t th e intens e emotions involve d i n relatin g t o ne w processes , i.e . min e a s a researcher an d th e students ' an d staf f i n workin g wit h a  ne w curriculum, create s a n openin g fo r chang e an d success . Th e students receive d bette r tha n passin g grade s i n thei r Marketin g and Managemen t courses , an d the y als o fel t thei r languag e abilit y improved. 103 Ini t ia t ion My initiatio n int o feminis t scholarshi p too k approximatel y a year, beginnin g wit h graduat e course s whic h allowe d fo r th e expression o f persona l experienc e an d gav e alternativ e perspectives o n educatio n throug h reading s an d throug h th e for m of th e classe s themselves . The initiatio n continue d b y involvin g th e evaluatio n participants t o th e exten t the y chose , a s doin g s o reveale d tensions i n attemptin g t o revers e traditiona l roles . Th e mode l o f evaluation als o allowe d m e t o relat e th e feminis t them e o f "th e personal i s th e political " b y connectin g m y variou s role s t o th e study. Throug h thi s personalizin g stag e o f th e initiation , I learned tha t persona l way s o f relatin g t o th e world , fo r example , through emotion s an d throug h th e body , ar e powerfu l base s fo r knowledge-making an d underpi n ou r decision s which , o n th e surface, see m objective . The nex t stag e o f th e initiatio n wa s relatin g t o th e experiences o f othe r researcher s an d writer s throug h article s and book s the y ha d written . Thes e continue d t o giv e m e alternative way s o f conceivin g th e worl d an d it s writte n representat ion. The fina l stag e o f th e initiatio n wa s th e analysi s o f th e data. Thi s reveale d themati c connection s betwee n m y proces s i n shifting groun d an d th e proces s tha t th e othe r participant s wer e going throug h i n thei r initiatio n t o th e ES L fo r Busines s program . 104 In addition , th e analysi s uncovere d th e man y contradictor y voices whic h al l calle d ou t fo r inclusion . I  the n foun d mysel f i n a plac e o f scholarshi p whic h containe d multipl e perspectives , none mor e importan t tha n th e other , bu t al l requirin g a  voice . M y struggle the n becam e th e weavin g o f thes e multipl e voice s an d meanings i n th e thesi s document . The analysi s als o lea d m e t o a  ne w understandin g o f curriculum work . First , I  revise d m y rol e a s curriculu m developer fro m tha t o f "knower " t o tha t o f "vessel" . Second , m y perception o f th e curriculu m documen t ha s change d fro m bein g the ultimat e authorit y i n conten t an d deliver y t o on e o f severa l influences o n a n instructor' s decisions . Finally , th e definitio n o f curriculum I  ha d been  using—th e documen t an d it s live d experience i n th e classroom—di d no t see m t o encompas s th e students' perspectives . The y relate d th e ter m curriculu m t o a much wide r environmen t whic h include d th e institution , it s services an d staff . A s th e curriculu m documen t specifie d a practicum component , thei r understandin g o f curriculu m als o encompassed wha t the y learne d i n th e businesse s a s wel l a s th e staff employe d there . Therefore , thei r estimatio n o f th e curriculum documen t wa s inseparabl e fro m experiences , goo d o r bad, encountere d outsid e o f th e curriculum-as-lived-classroom -experience. Consequently, curriculu m work , tha t i s making , articulating , and evaluatin g curriculum , i s a s comple x a s th e students ' 105 relation t o th e wor d curriculum . Th e articulatio n o f th e ES L fo r Business Curriculu m involve d th e ES L instructor' s preferenc e fo r the rol e o f "facilitator"—itsel f a  multi-layere d term , th e pressure sh e experience d fro m he r perceptio n o f th e institutiona l evaluation o f he r teaching , he r understandin g o f task-base d curricula an d th e consequen t articulatio n o f th e ES L fo r Busines s one, he r sens e o f responsivenes s t o th e perceive d need s o f students, an d he r relationship s wit h staf f fro m Busines s an d IE . These consideration s upo n th e articulatio n o f th e curriculum paralle l Clarke' s (1994 ) analysi s o f teacher s wh o "identified 1 1 constraint s tha t impinge d o n thei r decisio n makin g to varyin g degree s durin g a  typica l day " (p . 17) . Tha t doin g curriculum wor k i s comple x an d multi-facete d ha s brough t m e t o a simpl e statemen t o f understanding—w e d o wha t work s fo r us --whether tha t i s articulatin g a  newly-develope d curriculu m o r finding a  feminis t footing . Findin g ne w groun d i s th e them e o f the fina l poem , "Initiation" . Initiation Ankle dee p i n th e li p of th e Pacifi c coo l blue , shifting sand s sli p throug h like shaft s o f light , idea s to he r eye . Ropes o f seawee d tangling, struggling, grip an d dra g he r dow n 1 0 6 through corridor s o f temperature . Bare hee l mark s the onl y clu e t o he r journey. What grippe d her ? How? Why ? At th e bottom , wet-suited diver s black-flippered, air-tanke d communicate throug h masked eye . Their bar e han d signal s o f ligh t illuminate he r descent . Before th e descent , th e woma n find s hersel f i n a comfortable an d stimulatin g relatio n t o th e shor e an d th e water . Not lon g i n tha t relation , sh e unwillingl y an d unknowingl y descends an d i n he r descen t question s tha t experience . Yet , a s the temperatur e cools , an d sh e understand s th e dept h sh e wil l travel, sh e see s other s alread y ther e providin g th e warmt h o f guidance. This wa s th e firs t tim e th e ES L fo r Busines s student s ha d participated i n a  specialize d progra m whic h involve d studyin g with Canadians , an d a  practicu m experience . Wit h respec t t o studying wit h Canadians , w e hav e see n ho w th e hig h languag e expectation gav e man y anxiety . Fo r on e student , however , i t initiated he r int o academi a throug h th e tas k o f researching . He r comment follows . 107 All las t semester , w e hav e grou p presentation s fo r the marketin g research . Firs t o f all , w e hav e t o fin d th e company w e ar e goin g t o researc h an d the n g o t o th e librar y to fin d informatio n abou t th e compan y industr y an d makin g a questionnair e whic h w e hav e a n intervie w wit h th e marketing manager . An d afte r that , w e hav e t o analyz e al l the dat a an d choos e th e bes t informatio n t o hav e th e presentation. I  thin k tha t al l activit y giv e m e a n ide a before yo u d o thing s an d yo u hav e ful l informatio n an d choose th e best . She indicate s tha t ho w sh e "doe s things " ha s change d a s a  resul t of th e class . Th e experienc e taugh t he r th e importanc e o f gathering information , planning , an d thinkin g abou t th e wor k ahead. Initiation int o th e Canadia n busines s world , anothe r component o f th e curriculu m whic h wa s ne w fo r students , wa s the mos t positiv e experienc e o f th e program . Her e i s on e student's comment : First day , I  wa s nervou s befor e goin g t o wor k bu t onc e I arrive d a t th e store , th e manage r introduce d m e t o everybody an d the n traine d m e an d treate d m e th e sam e wa y he treate d th e othe r workers . An d I  reall y fel t grea t because sometime s peopl e treate d m e a  differen t wa y a s a student. Bu t m y manage r didn' t d o so , an d m y co-worke r really nic e t o m e ever y time . Whenever , I  ha d a  questio n 108 about anythin g I  coul d as k them , an d the y taugh t m e an d they traine d me . S o I  ha d a  grea t experienc e fro m them . What a  wonderfu l entr y int o th e worl d o f wor k i n a  foreig n country! H e make s a n interestin g point : tha t a s a  student , h e wa s treated differently , presumabl y no t a s well , an d perhap s no t a s equally a s othe r students . H e ha s bee n abl e t o compar e th e experience o f bein g a  studen t wit h tha t o f a  workin g person , an d recognizes tha t a s a  student , h e di d no t far e a s wel l a s a  gues t worker. For ever y student , excep t one , th e component s whic h mad e this progra m differen t wer e takin g classe s wit h Canadian s an d the practicum . Fo r th e exceptiona l student , i t wa s als o hi s firs t time t o stud y wit h peopl e fro m severa l differen t countries . Hi s comment o n thi s experienc e conclude s th e dat a fro m student s an d staff. . . . th e mos t valuabl e experienc e I  ha d i s t o interac t with student s fro m othe r countries . I  learne d a  lo t abou t these student s an d abou t othe r countries . An d what' s ver y important i s tha t I  don' t hav e an y stereotype s abou t specific countrie s anymore . Befor e I  cam e here , I  didn' t know muc h abou t th e Japanese , fo r example , an d thank s t o the Japanes e student s wh o ar e i n th e ES L fo r Busines s class, I  learne d a  lo t abou t Japa n an d abou t ho w the y think . It wa s ver y interestin g fo r me . I  thin k I  ha d t o lear n t o fi t in th e group . I' m th e onl y non-Asia n gu y i n th e class . S o i t 109 was ver y challengin g fo r m e no t onl y t o understan d the m bu t to tr y t o fi t in . S o i t too k som e time . Bu t I  thin k w e ha d a good relationshi p togethe r -  al l th e Japanes e guys , th e Korean guy , whatever . An d I  thin k thi s i s ver y valuable  t o me. The strengt h o f th e relationshi p amon g severa l mal e student s wa s apparent eac h tim e I  me t wit h th e group . The y sa t ver y clos e together, withi n touchin g distance , an d ofte n ha d thei r arm s o n each other' s shoulders . Th e fac t tha t th e bondin g too k plac e i n a multinational grou p o f student s i s significan t a s I  hav e observe d students bondin g mainl y withi n thei r ow n cultura l group . Why wa s thi s studen t initiate d int o a  grou p o f mal e Asia n students? Perhap s i t wa s becaus e hi s leve l o f languag e wa s nea r native-like, an d the y relie d o n hi m fo r interpretin g incomprehensible inpu t i n th e Busines s courses . Anothe r possibility i s tha t havin g a  Japanes e girlfrien d wh o wa s als o a class membe r an d whos e Englis h wa s als o a t a  highe r leve l tha n most o f their s (becaus e I  ha d taugh t he r th e yea r before , I  wa s aware o f he r languag e ability ) gav e hi m particula r status . A  thir d explanation i s tha t th e dualit y whic h confronte d the m all , i.e . being a  studen t bu t no t speakin g th e languag e o f th e studen t group, create d a  bonding . O r mayb e h e wa s th e sor t o f perso n wh o wanted t o fi t i n an d di d hi s bes t t o d o so . Whil e eac h o f thes e possibilities ha s potentia l a s singl e truths , m y understandin g i s 1 10 that a t thi s tim e i n hi s life , th e component s o f hi s experienc e seemed t o hav e worke d jus t righ t fo r him . In th e fina l duet , I  hav e explore d th e relationship s withi n the wor k o f researc h an d curriculu m articulation , withi n emotion , and withi n th e experienc e o f initiation . M y initiatio n t o feminis t scholarship allowe d m e t o d o wha t ha s worke d fo r me , i n m y capacities a s educato r an d woman . 111 Coda This stud y bega n a s a n evaluatio n o f a  curriculu m I  ha d co -written. I n th e participator y evaluatio n mode l I  adopted , th e researcher an d researche d ha d a n opportunit y t o revers e roles , giving th e decision-makin g proces s t o th e student s an d staff . Th e research question s concernin g ES L curriculu m evaluatio n wer e addressed b y invitin g student s an d staf f t o involv e themselve s i n the evaluatio n t o th e exten t the y chose . Thei r choic e wa s throug h traditional form s o f dat a collectio n suc h a s questionnaire s an d discussion questions . Th e questionnaire s illicite d response s which addresse d th e researc h question s dealin g wit h task-base d curricula i n ESL . The analysi s o f thei r dat a reveale d severa l issue s regardin g the ES L fo r Busines s Curriculu m a s wel l a s issue s regardin g task -based curricul a i n ESL : th e implementio n o f a  curriculu m whic h addressed tw o differen t purposes ; th e discrepanc y betwee n curricula whic h ar e interactiona l an d task-base d i n thei r orientation an d th e realit y o f th e teacher-fronte d classroo m i n content courses ; th e accessibilit y o f th e ES L fo r Busines s Certificate t o immigran t Canadian s a s wel l a s internationa l students; communicatio n betwee n th e thre e department s responsible fo r differen t component s o f th e ES L fo r Busines s Certificate; th e developmen t o f th e practicu m componen t t o tw o 1 1 2 terms; an d th e maintenanc e o f th e languag e requiremen t fo r entrance t o th e ES L fo r Busines s Certificate . The stud y als o addresse d th e proble m o f researchin g wor k written b y oneself . I  foun d tha t a s I  engage d i n th e participator y model, I  ha d becom e on e o f th e object s o f m y ow n study , an d i n s o doing, uncovere d a  persona l dimensio n t o th e evaluation . T o answer th e researc h question s dealin g wit h th e feminis t perspective, I  questione d th e majo r feminis t premis e tha t th e personal i s th e politica l an d it s relevanc y t o th e evaluation . This questionin g reveale d powerfu l an d privat e influence s underpinning th e evaluatio n rational e an d choic e o f evaluatio n model. T o accommodat e th e persona l dimension , I  include d dat a in th e for m o f poetr y an d autobiograph y whic h expresse d th e shifting o f paradigm s fro m tha t o f positivis m t o a n alternativ e one whic h embrace d feminis t themes . The study , then , wa s on e whic h explore d a  non-traditiona l approach t o ES L research . Th e thesis , itsel f a  non-traditiona l form, ha s attempte d t o marr y tw o form s o f data—th e traditiona l form fro m th e studen t an d staf f questionnaire s an d th e non -traditional sourc e o f poetr y an d autobiographica l text . In conclusion , participator y curriculu m evaluation , uncommon i n ESL , wa s a  mode l whic h accommodate d ES L studen t and staf f voices , includin g min e a s th e researcher , whic h ar e no t often hear d i n traditiona l studies . Thi s approac h t o research , while no t attemptin g t o analyz e studen t dat a fro m a  gende r 1 1 3 perspective, wil l b e valuabl e fo r thos e researcher s wh o wish  t o investigate th e relationshi p o f thei r privat e an d publi c role s t o research. 1 14 References Alderson, C . &  Scott , M . (1992a) . Insiders , outsider s an d participatory evaluation . I n C . Alderso n &  A . Berett a (Eds.) , Evaluating secon d languag e educatio n (pp . 25-60) . Cambridge: Cambridg e Universit y Press . 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Glasgow : Harper-Collins . 123 Appendix A ESL Students ' Backgroun d Informatio n Questionnair e Personal Informatio n 1. countr y o f origi n 2. Pleas e chec k (  )  one: International Studen t Canadian/Immigrant 3. age = year s 4. Pleas e chec k (  )  one : male female Language Backgroun d 5. firs t languag e 6. othe r secon d language s beside s Englis h 7. I  hav e studie d Englis h a t OU C fo r (months/years). 8. I  studie d a t anothe r English-speakin g institut e for : (months/years). I hav e no t studie d a t anothe r English-speakin g institute . 124 9. I n m y countr y o f origin , I  studie d Englis h for : (months/years). I di d no t stud y Englis h i n m y countr y o f origin . 10. I n m y countr y o f origin , th e Englis h classe s were , o n average: <2 hours/wee k 2-6 hours/wee k 7-10 hours/wee k 11-15 hours/wee k >15 hours/wee k 11. I n m y countr y o f origin , th e activitie s i n m y Englis h classe s were mainly : (Pleas e chec k on e o r two. ) grammar reading wr i t ing speaking l i s tening vocabulary other 12. Th e Englis h classe s I  too k i n m y countr y o f origi n usuall y had: < 1 0 student s 51-6 0 student s 11-20 student s ,  61-7 0 student s 21-30 student s 71-8 0 student s 31-40 student s 81-9 0 student s 41-50 student s >9 0 student s Business Backgroun d 13. I  a m takin g th e ES L Busines s progra m because . .  . professional reason(s ) 125 personal reason(s ) I hav e worke d a s (pleas e giv e jo b title/s , e.g. , waiter , manager, etc.) : I hav e worke d (i n an y job ) i n a  Busines s for : (months/years). Before th e ES L Busines s program , I  took : (please giv e a  number ) course s i n Business . These course s wer e calle d (pleas e giv e title s o r area s e.g., "Startin g You r Ow n Business ; "Accounting" ; etc.) : I hav e a  degree/diploma/certificat e i n a  Business/Busines s related area . no yes Th e are a o f m y Business/Busines s related degree/diploma/certificat e is I com e fro m a  famil y wh o own s a  Business . yes (pleas e continu e t o questio n 19 ) no (pleas e continu e t o questio n 21 ) I wan t t o wor k i n th e famil y Business . yes no not sur e 20, M y famil y expect s m e t o wor k i n th e famil y Business . yes no not sur e 2 1 . M y famil y expect s m e t o wor k i n an y Business . yes no not sur e 22. M y famil y wil l hel p m e fin d a  jo b i n Business . yes no not sur e 23. Pleas e fee l fre e t o mak e othe r comment s abou t yoursel f which ar e relevan t t o th e evaluation . THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I APPRECIATE YOUR INVOLVEMENT IN THIS PROJECT. 127 Appendix B ESL fo r Business/Managemen t Sectio n Studen t Questionnair e Directions: -Thi s questionnair e ask s fo r informatio n i n thre e a reas : Part On e -  Managemen t Course ; Part Tw o -  ES L fo r Busines s Course , Januar y t o April ; Part Thre e -  Jo b Placemen t •Please remembe r tha t th e informatio n yo u giv e i s anonymous. So , pleas e 60  no t writ e you r nam e o n th e questionnaire. •Please as k i f yo u hav e an y question s o r problem s understanding thi s questionnaire . •Please answe r a s completel y a s yo u can . 128 PART ON E Part On e include s question s abou t th e Managemen t c o u r s e . 1. Ho w man y o f th e Managemen t classe s d o yo u attend ? (Please mar k wit h a n "X". ) few some most a l l 2. Ho w muc h o f th e Managemen t lecture s d o yo u understand ? We don' t have/hardl y hav e an y lectures . (Pleas e continue t o #4. ) little some most all 3 . Wha t difficultie s d o yo u hav e understandin g th e Management cours e lectures ? (e.g. , th e lecture s ar e to o long; etc. ) 4. O f th e assigne d chapter s i n th e Managemen t textbook , ho w much d o yo u read ? 129 We don' t hav e an y assigne d textboo k reading . (Pleas e continue t o #7. ) little some most all How muc h o f th e Managemen t textboo k tha t yo u hav e rea d d o you understand ? little some most all _ What difficultie s d o yo u hav e understandin g th e Management textbook ? (e.g. , th e textboo k i s to o long ; etc. ) How man y o f th e Managemen t cas e stud y discussion s d o yo u a t t e n d ? few some most all How muc h o f th e Managemen t cas e stud y discussion s d o yo u understand? 130 little some most all _ What difficultie s d o yo u hav e followin g th e Managemen t case stud y discussion s ?  (e.g. , ther e ar e to o man y peopl e i n the discussions ; etc. ) 10. O f th e assigne d cas e stud y readings , ho w man y d o yo u read ? few some most all 11. Ho w muc h o f th e Managemen t cas e stud y reading s tha t yo u read d o yo u understand ? little some most all 12. Wha t difficultie s d o yo u hav e understandin g th e Management cas e stud y readings ? (e.g. , ther e ar e to o many cas e stud y readings ; etc. ) 131 13. Wha t i s you r approximat e grad e $  o f a r i n th e Managemen t course? 1 don' t know . 60-67 % (C , C+ ) I prefe r no t t o say . 68-79 % (B- , B , B+ ) 0-49% (F ) 80-100 % (A- , A , A+ ) 50-59% (D , C- ) 14. Ar e yo u satisfie d wit h you r grad e s o fa r i n th e Managemen t course? yes Pleas e continu e t o #  18 . no Pleas e continu e t o #  15 . 15. I f yo u sai d n o t o #14 , d o yo u thin k a  highe r leve l o f Englis h would improv e you r grad e i n th e Managemen t course ? y e s no other , 16. I f yo u sai d n o t o #14 , d o yo u thin k persona l reasons , fo r example loneliness , hav e affecte d you r grad e i n th e Management course ? no yes Pleas e explai n th e persona l reason/s . 132 If yo u sai d n o t o #14 , wha t d o yo u thin k woul d improv e your grade , beside s a  highe r Englis h level , i n th e Management course ? (e.g. , mor e Managemen t clas s time ; etc.) Below i s a  lis t o f task s fro m th e ES L fo r Busines s Curriculum whic h relat e t o th e Managemen t course . Please mar k (wit h a n "X" ) thos e task s whic h yo u thin k are helpful . Pleas e mar k (wit h a  "Y" ) thos e task s whic h you hav e no t don e i n th e Managemen t course . Pleas e mar k (with a  "Z" ) thos e task s whic h haven' t helpe d you . MANAGEMENT LECTURE/READIN G TASK S Take note s fro m Busines s lectures . Compare note s wit h classmates . Answer question s aske d b v teache r base d o n notes . Ask fo r repetitio n o f lectur e material . Confirm understandin g o f lectur e material . Ask question s o f professo r an d classmate s abou t lectures . Apply readin g skill s (i.e. , skimmin g an d scanning ) t o management textbook . Compare annotation s (i.e. , note s mad e i n textboo k b y you ) with classmates . Summarize ke v concept s fro m textbook . Provide definition s o f ke v term s fro m textbook . Relate readin g an d lecture s t o tables , graphs , an d charts . Ask fo r repetitio n o f textboo k material . Confirm understandin g o f textboo k material . Ask question s o f professo r an d classmate s abou t textbook . HAVE HELPED HAVENT DONE HAVENT HELPED Please lis t othe r task s whic h yo u d o i n th e Managemen t cours e whic h ar e no t include d i n #18. MANAGEMENT CAS E STUD Y TASK S Read cas e studies . Ask question s t o th e teache r base d o n cas e studies . Answer question s aske d b y th e teache r base d o n cas e studies . Organize answe r usin g mai n Doint s an d suDDortin e details . Make note s t o guid e answer . Speak coherentlv . Evaluate othe r groups ' answer s t o cas e stud v auestions . Cite specifi c example s o f positiv e an d negativ e aspect s o f other groups ' answers . Suggest improvement s t o othe r groups ' answers . HAVE HELPED HAVENT DONE HAVENT HELPED 135 PART TW O Part Tw o include s question s abou t th e ES L fo r Busines s course, Managemen t section , Januar y t o April . 1. I n you r opinion , i s th e ES L fo r Busines s cours e helpin g yo u with you r Managemen t course ? y e s Ho w ha s i t helpin g you ? n o Wh y i s i t no t helpin g you ? I don' t know . Comment : 2. I n you r opinion , i s th e ES L fo r Busines s cours e helpin g yo u in you r othe r Busines s course s yo u ar e takin g thi s s e m e s t e r ? 136 y e s Ho w ha s i t helpin g you ? n o Wh y i s i t no t helpin g you ? I don' t know . Comment : Below i s a  lis t o f task s fro m th e ES L fo r Busines s Curriculum. Pleas e mar k (wit h a n "X" ) thos e task s whic h have helpe d you . Pleas e mar k (wit h a  "Y" ) thos e task s which yo u hav e no t don e i n th e ES L fo r Busines s course . Please mar k (wit h a  "Z" ) thos e task s whic h hav e no t helped you . ESL FO R BUSINES S TASK S HAVE HELPED HAVENT DONE HAVEN'T HELPED Write informa l report s o n loca l Busines s interviews . Provide a  critica l evaluatio n o n grou p decisio n making . Write a  summar y o f th e fiv e yea r plan s o f a n internationa l Business. Give a  grou p presentatio n o n th e 1 0 yea r futur e o f a  business . Debate th e pro s an d con s o f a  topic . Write a  shor t informa l repor t comparin g informatio n from thre e differen t speakers . Design a  traditiona l employe e performanc e evaluation . Conduct a  personne l performanc e appraisal . Hire th e bes t perso n fo r a  iob . Solve a  cros s cultura l Busines s problem . Negotiate a  strategi c allianc e wit h a  foreig n firm . Write a  mem o whic h summarize s agreemen t fro m th e negotiations i n th e strategi c alliance . Select strategie s mos t likel y t o motivat e fiv e ver y different employees . Learn ho w t o solv e a  conflic t (disagreement ) a t work . Understand_a gues t speaker . Give a n ora l presentatio n o f a  qualit y contro l system . Make ne w Busines s policie s fo r a  near-bankrup t company . Prepare fo r mi d ter m exam . Prepare fo r fina l exam . Please lis t othe r task s whic h yo u d o i n th e ES L fo r Busines s cours e whic h ar e no t include d i n #3. H -J 138 4. D o yo u thin k th e task s liste d i n # 3 abov e connec t th e theories o f th e textboo k t o th e rea l world ? yes no 5. D o yo u thin k th e task s liste d i n # 3 abov e hel p improv e you r English? yes no 6. I n wha t way s i s th e ES L fo r Busines s cours e th e sam e a s th e other ES L course s yo u too k a t OUC ? I didn' t tak e othe r ES L course s a t OU C befor e thi s course . SAME: 7. I n wha t way s i s th e ES L fo r Busines s cours e differen t fro m the othe r ES L course s yo u too k a t OUC ? I didn' t tak e othe r ES L course s a t OU C befor e thi s course . DIFFERENT: 139 8. I n you r opinion , i f yo u wer e takin g othe r ES L course s a t OU C (i.e., WRIT , REAC , EE) , instea d o f th e ES L fo r Busines s course, woul d the y b e a s helpfu l a s th e ES L fo r Busines s course? yes no I can' t compar e becaus e I  hav e no t take n othe r ES L course s at OUC . 9. Ho w woul d yo u improv e th e ES L fo r Busines s course ? 140 PART THRE E Part Thre e include s question s abou t you r jo b placement . 1. Ho w usefu l i s you r jo b placemen t fo r understandin g Business? (Please circl e on e numbe r below) . 5 4  3  2  1 very usefu l no t ver y usefu l 2. Ho w usefu l i s you r jo b placemen t fo r learnin g English ? 5 4  3  2  1 very usefu l no t ver y usefu l 3. Belo w i s a  lis t o f task s fro m th e ES L fo r Busines s Curriculum whic h relat e t o th e jo b placement . Pleas e mar k (with a n "X" ) thos e task s whic h yo u thin k ar e helpful . Please mar k (wit h a  "Y" ) thos e task s whic h yo u hav e no t done i n you r jo b placement . Pleas e mar k (wit h a  "Z" ) thos e tasks whic h yo u thin k ar e no t helpfu l fo r you . JOB PLACEMEN T TASK S Write a  lette r o f applicatio n fo r io b placement . Write a  resum e fo r jo b placement . Arrange a n appointmen t wit h jo b placement . Participate i n a n intervie w wit h jo b placemen t emplover . Interact i n a  Business-lik e manne r i n jo b placement . Exchange observations , experiences , an d reaction s i n ESL fo r Busines s class . Evaluate vou r jo b placemen t HAVE HELPED HAVENT DONE HAVENT HELPED Please lis t othe r task s whic h yo u perfor m i n you r jo b placemen t whic h ar e no t include d i n #3. 142 4. Ho w woul d yo u improv e th e jo b placement ? 5. Wha t i s you r opinio n o f th e jo b placement ? 143 Appendix C ESL Instructor' s Backgroun d Questionnair e 1. M y backgroun d i n Busines s is : educational: experience: other: 2 . M y backgroun d i n ES L is : educational: experience: other: 144 3. I  woul d describ e m y approac h to/philosoph y o f teachin g as : 4. Pleas e giv e an y extracurricula r activitie s yo u d o whic h might b e relevan t t o thi s evaluatio n project . Appendix D ESL Instructor' s Questionnair e •Please answe r a s completel y a s possible . •You ma y withdra w you r participatio n a t an y tim e fro m th e project . •The informatio n yo u giv e wil l b e anonymous . 1. T o me , "curriculum " i s .  .  .  . 2. Wha t wa s you r firs t impressio n o f th e ES L fo r Busines s Curriculum? 146 If you r first  impressio n o f th e ES L fo r Busines s Curriculu m has changed , wha t i s you r impressio n o f i t now ? What advic e woul d yo u giv e anothe r teache r wh o migh t b e implementing thi s curriculum ? 5. Wha t changes , i f any , woul d yo u lik e t o se e i n th e curriculum? Yo u onl y nee d t o mentio n an y whic h ar e different fro m thos e yo u sugges t i n 8. 3 an d 8.4 . 6. Wha t suggestions , i f any , woul d yo u lik e t o mak e fo r th e ES L for Busines s Certificate ? 147 7. D o yo u thin k yo u woul d hav e taugh t th e ES L fo r Busines s course i n th e sam e o r simila r wa y a s yo u di d withou t the curriculum ? Pleas e explain . 8. Pleas e not e th e followin g o n th e curriculu m document : 8.1 pu t a  "Y " b y thos e task s an d languag e function s whic h you used ; 8.2 pu t a n "N " b y thos e task s an d languag e function s which yo u di d no t use ; 8.3 writ e an y modification s t o th e task s whic h yo u made ; 8.4 writ e an y modification s t o th e task s whic h yo u woul d suggest ; 8.5 writ e "S " b y thos e task s whic h yo u use d an d thin k were successful ; 8.6 writ e "U " b y thos e task s whic h yo u use d an d thin k were no t successful . 9. Explai n ho w yo u use d th e curriculu m i n plannin g fo r instruction. Ho w di d yo u selec t wha t yo u wante d t o d o i n the class ? Whe n yo u ha d selected , ho w di d yo u us e th e tasks tha t yo u selecte d fo r th e classroom ? 148 You hav e sai d tha t yo u focusse d o n teachin g th e conten t o f the Busines s course s an d preparin g fo r th e Busines s exams. Wha t percentag e o f th e ES L fo r Busines s clas s was spen t o n thes e tasks ? Please tel l m e abou t a  significan t experienc e yo u hav e ha d in relatio n t o you r rol e a s teache r o f th e ES L fo r Busines s Curriculum. Please explai n wh y th e experienc e yo u gav e i n #1 1 abov e was significant . 149 Appendix E Business Professor' s Questionnair e 1. I n wha t way s wer e th e ES L student s i n you r Marketin g o r Management course : •prepared fo r th e demand s o f you r class ? •not prepare d fo r th e demand s o f you r class ? 2. Wha t difference s an d similaritie s di d yo u notic e betwee n the ES L student s an d th e student s whos e firs t languag e i s English i n you r Marketing/Managemen t class ? •d i f ferences • s i m i l a r i t i e s 150 3. I f yo u change d th e Marketing/Managemen t cours e i n an y way becaus e yo u ha d ES L students , pleas e describ e th e changes yo u made . 4. Pleas e describ e a  significan t experienc e yo u ha d i n relatio n to you r rol e a s a  teache r i n th e ES L fo r Busines s Certificate program . 151 Appendix F International Studen t Adviso r Questionnair e What hav e bee n you r responsibilitie s t o an d connection s with th e ES L fo r Busines s Certificat e program ? Please describ e th e contac t yo u hav e ha d wit h th e student s and teacher s i n th e ES L fo r Busines s Certificat e program , (amount, reason , result , etc. ) •ESL student s •ESP teache r 152 •Marketing teache r •Management teache r What advic e abou t th e ES L fo r Busines s Certificat e woul d you giv e anothe r cours e adviso r i n you r offic e wh o migh t have futur e responsibilitie s fo r th e ES L fo r Busines s Cer t i f ica te? What suggestion s woul d yo u giv e t o improv e th e curriculu m and th e certificate ? 153 Appendix G Small Grou p Discussio n Question s Directions: Discus s eac h questio n i n you r group . Tr y t o provid e as detaile d a n answe r a s yo u can . 1. Wha t ha s been  you r mos t frequen t thought s an d feeling s i n the las t seve n t o eigh t months ? 2. Wha t ar e you r thought s an d feeling s abou t th e evaluatio n o f the ES L fo r Busines s Curriculu m tha t yo u ar e participatin g i n? 3 . Ho w ha s o r wil l th e Busines s cours e affec t you , includin g the futur e i n you r jo b possibilities , you r lif e her e i n Kelowna , your opinio n o f OUC , you r confidenc e i n usin g English ? 154 Appendix H Individual Studen t Narrative s PLEASE REMEMBER: •that th e informatio n yo u giv e i s anonymous , s o yo u don' t nee d t o give you r rea l name . •that thi s evaluatio n i s voluntary , s o fee l fre e no t t o participat e in thi s activity . DIRECTIONS: 1. Choos e a n importan t experienc e yo u hav e ha d a s a n ES L fo r Business student . 2. Tel l m e abou t th e experienc e b y recordin g i t o n th e c a s s e t t e . OR Write a n informa l lette r t o m e abou t th e experience . Writ e the lette r o n thi s paper . 3. Pleas e provid e a s muc h detai l a s yo u can , fo r example , whe n this experienc e happened , wh o wa s involved , wha t happened, ho w yo u fel t a t th e time , wh y it' s importan t t o you. THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR PARTICIPATING. 155 Appendix I Invitation t o Participat e i n th e Evaluatio n WOULD YOU LIKE TO PARTICIPATE IN THE STUDY? YES N O IF YOU SAID YES, PLEASE ANSWER THE QUESTION BELOW. IF YOU SAID NO, THANKS ANYWAY AND GOOD LUCK IN YOUR COURSES! IF YOU SAID YES. . . . HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO PARTICIPATE IN THE STUDY? WORK WITH THE OTHER STUDENTS IN THE STUDY AND DECIDE WITH THEM HOW WE WILL EVALUATE THE ESL FOR BUSINESS CURRICULUM. WORK WITH ARDISS AND THE OTHER STUDENTS AND DECIDE WITH HER HOW WE WILL EVALUATE THE ESL FOR BUSINESS CURRICULUM. LET ARDISS DECIDE HOW THE ESL FOR BUSINESS WILL BE EVALUATED. THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR AGREEING TO PARTICIPATE! 156 Appendix J Extent an d Typ e o f Participatio n i n th e Evaluatio n QUESTION ONE : HO W SHOULD W E EVALUAT E TH E ES L BUSINES S COURSE? PLEAS E CHOOS E THE METHODS YOU WOULD LIKE U S TO USE. CHOOS E AS MANY AS YOU LIKE. 'INDIVIDUAL STUDENT S AND TEACHERS INTERVIEWE D 'SMALL GROU P (3- 4 STUDENTS ) DISCUSSIO N 'WHOLE CLAS S DISCUSSIO N 'CLASS OBSERVATIO N B Y ARDIS S 'QUESTIONNAIRE COMPLETED BY STUDENTS AND TEACHERS 'QUESTIONNAIRE COMPLETED BY INTERNATIONAL EDUCATION STAF F -SHORT REPORTS WRITTEN BY STUDENTS AND TEACHERS 'OTHER QUESTION TWO : T O WHA T EXTEN T D O YO U WAN T T O PARTICIPATE? 'STUDENTS AND TEACHERS SHOUL D WRITE THE QUESTIONS FOR TH E INTERVIEWS , DISCUSSIONS , AN D QUESTIONNAIRES . ARDISS SHOULD MAKE SUGGESTIONS OR EDIT. 'ARDISS SHOUL D WRITE THE QUESTIONS FOR THE INTERVIEWS, DISCUSSIONS, AND QUESTIONNAIRES. 157 STUDENTS AND TEACHERS SHOULD MAKE SUGGESTIONS OR EDIT. •TEACHERS AND STUDENTS SHOULD ONLY ANSWER THE QUESTIONS I N THE INTERVIEWS, DISCUSSIONS, AND QUESTIONNAIRES. •STUDENTS AND TEACHERS SHOULD READ WHAT ARDISS WRITES ABOUT THE EVALUATION. •OTHER •WE SHOUL D WOR K O N TH E EVALUATION : DURING THE ESL BUSINESS CLASS TIME AFTER THE ESL BUSINESS CLASS TIME, IN THE EVENING AFTER THE ESL BUSINESS CLASS TIME, TUESDAY OR THURSDAY AFTERNOON OTHER TIME • WE SHOUL D SPEND : 0-5 HOUR S O N THIS EVALUATIO N 5-10 HOUR S O N THI S EVALUATIO N 10-15 HOUR S O N THI S EVALUATIO N OTHER 158 Appendix K Letter t o OU C Staff : Recommendations fo r th e ES L fo r Busines s Progra m DATE: Augus t 30 , 199 4 TO: [] , Instructor , ES L Dept . [], Manager , I E Offic e [], Chair , ES L Dept . [J, Cours e Advisor , I E Offic e [], Instructor , ES L Dept . FROM: Ardis s Mackie , Instructor , ES L Dept . SUBJECT: Recommendation s fo r th e ES L fo r Busines s Progra m I though t yo u migh t b e intereste d i n th e recommendation s give n by student s an d staf f involve d i n th e evaluatio n o f th e ES L fo r Business Curriculum . Th e recommendation s belo w migh t b e useful i n decision s an d discussion s concernin g th e program . Recommendations: 1. Restructur e th e program . Tw o specifi c recommendation s were made : tha t ther e b e a  forma l divisio n betwee n th e Busines s content an d Busines s Englis h component s o f th e curriculum ; an d that th e curren t certificat e b e laddere d int o th e tw o yea r diploma. Regardin g th e dua l focu s o f th e cours e student s wer e divided a s t o wha t th e focu s shoul d be . 2. Maintai n o r increas e th e languag e requirement . The overridin g negativ e aspec t o f th e progra m fro m th e students ' perspective wa s th e languag e barrie r i n th e Busines s courses . They fel t the y wer e no t prepare d fo r th e languag e expectatio n i n Business. 3. Includ e suppor t fo r th e option s courses . 159 4. Mak e th e progra m availabl e an d accessibl e t o lande d immigrants an d Canadians . Comment s fro m studen t dat a indicated th e unfairnes s o f th e two-tiere d system . 5. Expan d th e jo b placemen t t o bot h terms . Student s sa w thi s component a s th e mos t valuabl e ye t to o short . 6. Provid e a  mor e detaile d orientatio n t o jo b placemen t contacts. Studen t comment s indicate d tha t th e companie s shoul d have ha d a  deepe r understandin g o f th e purpos e o f th e placemen t and need s o f th e students . 7. Includ e wor k etiquett e i n th e preparatio n fo r th e jo b placement. 8. Hav e regularl y schedule d meeting s wit h participatio n fro m the ES L instructo r an d chair , th e I E advisor , an d th e Busines s professors an d chair . Staf f believe d tha t th e exten t o f th e communication amon g th e thre e office s shoul d b e increased , an d should involv e a  mor e forma l initia l introductio n o f th e staf f an d the program . 9. Provid e mor e interactio n wit h Canadia n student s i n regula r Business classes . 10. Reconside r th e conten t an d deliver y o f regula r ES L classes . Student comment s regardin g th e difference s betwee n th e regula r courses an d th e ES L fo r Busines s cours e wer e mainl y negative , mentioning, fo r example , tha t regula r ES L wa s boring . The recommendation s whic h receive d th e mos t comment s o r th e strongest comment s wer e #1 , 2 , 4 , 5 , 8 , an d 10 . Many thank s t o [ ] an d [ ] fo r thei r participatio n i n th e evaluation . If yo u woul d lik e t o tal k abou t th e recommendation s o r th e evaluation, pleas e cal l m e a t -4560 . Sincerely, 160 Appendix L Participant Consen t For m Title o f Project -Evaluation o f th e ES L fo r Busines s Curriculum , Okanagan Universit y Colleg e Pr inc ipa l Invest igator : Dr . Ric k Berwic k 82 2 433 5 S t u d e n t Ardis s Macki e 76 2 544 5 767 671 8 Please fee l fre e t o withdra w you r participatio n i n th e project a t an y tim e o r t o choos e no t t o participate . I n any case , i f yo u withdra w o r i f yo u participat e i n th e study, you r grade s wil l no t b e affected . The purpos e o f thi s projec t i s t o explor e a  mode l o f curriculu m evaluation. Th e evaluatio n invite s yo u t o complet e questionnaires, participat e i n smal l grou p discussions , an d mak e suggestions t o an d edi t th e questionnaires . Your identif y wil l b e confidential . Thi s confidentialit y wil l b e maintained b y assignin g you r questionnair e an d discussio n responses t o a  numbe r an d no t you r name . I t wil l tak e a  maximu m of seve n hour s o f you r tim e t o participat e i n th e evaluation . If yo u hav e an y question s abou t th e project , pleas e cal l m e a t th e numbers above , o r as k m e a t an y tim e yo u se e m e o n campus . Thank yo u fo r you r time . Sincerely, Ardiss Macki e 161 Please sig n belo w i f yo u understan d th e project , an d i f yo u woul d like t o participat e i n th e study . Student's Nam e Please sig n belo w showin g tha t yo u hav e take n a  cop y o f t h i s letter fo r yourself . Student's Nam e 

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