Open Collections

UBC Theses and Dissertations

UBC Theses Logo

UBC Theses and Dissertations

Shaking rattles in all directions : a case study/story of a female "Indian" student attending a EuroCanadian… Calliou, Sharilyn 1996

Your browser doesn't seem to have a PDF viewer, please download the PDF to view this item.

Item Metadata

Download

Media
831-ubc_1996-090558.pdf [ 10.81MB ]
Metadata
JSON: 831-1.0054953.json
JSON-LD: 831-1.0054953-ld.json
RDF/XML (Pretty): 831-1.0054953-rdf.xml
RDF/JSON: 831-1.0054953-rdf.json
Turtle: 831-1.0054953-turtle.txt
N-Triples: 831-1.0054953-rdf-ntriples.txt
Original Record: 831-1.0054953-source.json
Full Text
831-1.0054953-fulltext.txt
Citation
831-1.0054953.ris

Full Text

SHAKING RATTLES IN ALL DIRECTIONS: A Case Study/Story of a Female "Indian" Student Attending a EuroCanadian University (1991- ), Located on The Traditional Territory of the Musqueam By SHARILYN CALLIOU [Michel Band] B.Ed. (Secondary), The University of Calgary, 1979 Dip. Ed. (Phil, of Ed.), The University of Alberta, 1991 M . A . (Educ. Studies), The University of British Columbia, 1993 A THESIS SUBMITTED I N PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY in THE FACULTY OF GRADUATE STUDIES (Centre for the Study of Curriculum and Instruction) We accept this thesis as conforming to ttye/r^ui^«d-^tand!ar<J  T H E  VNTVEkS^OV  BT^TTBHTCOLUMBIA  April 1996 ® Sharilyn Calliou, 1996  In presenting this thesis in partial fulfilment of the requirements for an advanced degree at the University of British Columbia, I agree that the Library shall make it freely available for reference and study. I further agree that permission for extensive copying of this thesis for scholarly purposes may be granted by the head of my department  or by his or her representatives.  It  is understood  that  copying or  publication of this thesis for financial gain shall not be allowed without my written permission.  ^Departrfient of The University of British Columbia Vancouver, Canada  DE-6 (2/88)  J  y  )/)^t^TiJC^O  './)  ABSTRACT  T h r o u g h u s e o f a r e v e l a t o r y c a s e s t u d y , as d i s c u s s e d b y Y i n i n 1 9 8 4 , t h i s r e s e a r c h e r i n t r o s p e c t i v e l y e x p l o r e s the university e x p e r i e n c e of a f e m a l e student e n r o l l e d in graduate studies.  Q u e s t i o n s r e l a t e d t o h e r p o s t - s e c o n d a r y e x p e r i e n c e s as a n o v i c e r e s e a r c h e r a n d as a  s t u d e n t w e r e a s k e d i n f o u r b r o a d areas: e m o t i o n a l , p h y s i c a l , c o g n i t i v e , a n d s p i r i t u a l .  The  i n t e r v i e w questions, largely unstructured and open-ended, intended to p r o b e the p o s s i b l e n e e d f o r self- a n d  institutional awareness about certain, identifiable, mitigating factors w h i c h  affect the  nature of the post-secondary student experience. The answers reveal a degree of d i s j u n c t u r e b e t w e e n the subject a n d the e x p e r i e n c e of b e i n g " s c h o o l e d " in this post-secondary  setting;  h o w e v e r , the l i m i t e d s a m p l e s i z e of o n e - a n d the i d i o s y n c r a t i c nature of the informant's e x p e r i e n c e - c a n n o t a l l o w c o n c l u s i v e generalizations or r e c o m m e n d a t i o n s to be f i r m l y supported. The  p r i m a r y f o c u s q u e s t i o n f o r t h i s r e s e a r c h was:  research process?  The  pronoun - we  Do  we  need to (re)consider the  - refers t o a n y o n e i n t e r e s t e d i n t h e n a t u r e o f q u a n t i t a t i v e  and/or qualitative or other research methods, and may  i n c l u d e those traditionally considered  'inside' the institution a n d those l o c a t e d 'outside' due to reasons of heritage, cultural c a p i t a l , e c o n o m i c w e a l t h , legislated d i s b a r m e n t or for other reasons of access d i s a b l e m e n t . this q u e s t i o n may  be of interest to those w h o  'mainstream' society. This question may  Similarly,  are t h e m s e l v e s c o n s i d e r e d p e r i p h e r a l or o u t s i d e  a l s o attract p a r t i c u l a r a t t e n t i o n as i n c r e a s i n g n u m b e r s o f  students f r o m different e t h n o c u l t u r a l , gender, class, religious a n d other v a r i a b l e s of 'disadvantaged' backgrounds c h o o s e to attend post-secondary institutions, traditionally the preserve of c h i l d r e n of E u r o p e a n descent. The  s u b j e c t i v e p r o b i n g i n d i c a t e s that t h i s s t u d e n t e x p e r i e n c e d d i s j u n c t u r e b e t w e e n h e r  w o r l d v i e w , as r e l a t e d t o t h e n a t u r e o f c o g n i t i o n , r e s e a r c h , c a n o n a n d s e c u l a r i z a t i o n . - a n d  ii  the  W e l t a n s h u n g presented through the c u r r i c u l a of this p o s t s e c o n d a r y  institution.  H i g h l i g h t s of the  f i n d i n g s i n c l u d e h e r p e r c e p t i o n s that: (a) t h e n a t u r e o f t h e r e s e a r c h p r o c e s s s h e is i n t r o d u c e d t o is o n e w h e r e r a t i o n a l i t y is p r i v i l e g e d , d e n u d e d o f a n y e m o t i o n a l (or o t h e r ) b a s e s ; (b) r e s e a r c h p r o c e s s e s a r e m o r e i n v a s i v e t h a n f r i e n d l y ; (c) t h e c a n o n d o e s n o t i n c l u d e t h o s e s h e m i g h t c i t e a u t h o r i t i e s ; a n d (d) t h e p o s t - s e c o n d a r y e x p e r i e n c e is s e c u l a r i z e d . In c o n c l u s i o n , t h i s r e s e a r c h s u g g e s t s that a l t h o u g h a p a r t i c u l a r h o m o g e n i z a t i o n w h i c h may  b e c h a r a c t e r i s e d as W e s t e r n s c i e n t i f i c , m a y  l e v e l s , p a r t i c u l a r s t u d e n t s a r e a b l e t o resist o v e r t a n d  process,  a p p e a r t o b e i n p l a c e at p o s t - s e c o n d a r y  hidden curricular intentions.  However,  f u r t h e r s t u d y is s u g g e s t e d t o d i s c o v e r t h e n a t u r e of s u c h r e s i s t a n c e a n d t h e p o t e n t i a l v a l u e f o r (de)(post)colonialising curricula.  iii  TABLE OF CONTENTS Page  ABSTRACT  ii  PREFACE  vii  T h e 'Nay-sayers'  vii  A 'Yay-sayer'  ix  These G o o d Reasons A r e M y G o o d Reasons  xi  INTRODUCTION  1  O f Dissertations & Expectations  1  Beware, Beware O f Committee M e m b e r s Bearing H o m e m a d e Christmas Cake  ... 1  Strong Motivation  2  Resistance a n d Uncertainty  3  Not to the M a n o r Born  4  Four Areas to Contemplate  8  Stay A w a k e , Stay A w a k e  8  Wake-up Calls  11  I g n o r a n c e is Bliss(ful)?  12  B u t w h a t h a p p e n s w h e n I think-feel t o o m u c h ?  12  S t a t e m e n t o f Interest: W h o s e ?  15  Research Needs Data  16  PART I: EMOTION IN COGNITION; COGNITION IN EMOTION  19  W h o K n o w s W h e r e & W h e n These Things Begin Really -  19  A d o p t i o n of Constructs. W h o s e ?  25  Interview Layout  26  Snowstorms  28  Stories  28  VIA Snowstorms  29  Expectations Overturned  *  30  T h e V e r y Idea o f B e i n g A R e s e a r c h e r  31  Tracking an Unexpected  36  Whose?  Line of Inquiry  I n t r o d u c t i o n t o the 'West'  37  H o w Stories A r e E n c o d e d : A n E x a m p l e  41  T h e D.O.M  46  Is A n Important Q u e s t i o n  48  C a n o n Speak-Write  49  Feeling Disjunctured  51  Mind/Feelings/Body/Spirit  54  S e p a r a t i n g F r o m Self  55  M i n d 'Games', P h i l o s o p h y Is Still A n O.K. 'Thing' T o D o ? A s k i n g M e H o w I "Do Data" Conceptual Analysis  57 59 63  W h o s e Consructs?  64  L a n g u a g e Arts:  66  Language & Thought  N o t L a n g u a g e Arts, B u t L a n g u a g e W a r r i n g M.A. W a l k A c r o s s A Stage  69 72  M o r e Learner Than Teacher  73  Trying T o Temper Anger  75  iv  O t h e r V o i c e s Exist?  77  Squeak-Squawk: W h o s e V o i c e D o I Use?  80  W h o s e School(ing)?  82  W h o s e L a n g u a g e S a i d / N o t /Said?  Bicultural Emotional  Roller Coastering  84  Otherisation  89  Halfstory  90  O n e Species-ism, C o l l e c t i v e I n t e r d e p e n d e n c e  93  PART II: BRIEF WALK: THEN I NEED SOME NEW MOCCASINS, THE SOCIOSPIRITUEMOECOPOLITICOCULTURAL & OTHER WHITE NOISE OF RESEARCH False Start(ling) The  97 97  Serious Play of Questions and A n s w e r s  101  Economically Y o u Are  102  T h e r e A r e M a r g i n s T h e y T a u g h t M e That In S c h o o l  103  W h a t Is U n d e r C o n s t r u c t i o n H e r e ?  105  Procedural Requirements  106  Interviewer's f i e l d notes  107  Interviewee's f i e l d notes The  110  Western Realm  112  Strewn W i t h Absurdity  113  W h a t Is A n A s s u m p t i o n o f T h i s R e s e a r c h ?  114  M o r e R.R.P  114  S y m p a t h e t i c , B u t M u s t U n d e r s t a n d Who's Inside, W h o ' s O u t s i d e  117  Inside/Outside:  118  W h a t is T h e P o s s i b i l i t y R e a l l y ?  G e n e s i s in t h e L i b r a r y  122  Feels L i k e Starting O v e r & O v e r & O v e r & O v e r  125  Perhaps, 'Topic', N o t P r o b l e m ?  127  A Little R e a d e r l y S u m m a t i o n  128  O h , T h e Story(ing) B u s i n e s s  132  D e a r A n t h r o p o l o g i s t s , & E d u c a t i o n a l Researchers:  I Am  Not a Problem  P r o b l e m B e c o m e s Rich Source of Information Can  "They" H e a r O u r O w n  R a d i c a l C h i c , B u t Still  Labels?  Anthropology?  Like Case Studies The  141 143 146  Method  151  H a m p t o n to t h e R e s c u e The  134 140  153  ' G o o d ' Researcher's F i e l d N o t e s , W e l l , A c t u a l l y a J o u r n a l Entry ( T o o T i r e d F o r F i e l d Notes)  156  After a Long D a y of Interviewing  156  Interviewer's D o u b t s A b o u t C a s e S t u d y & S e t t i n g  157  L u c k y I G o t A n Interview  157  Interpretation B e g i n s  159  A l l Is N o t W h a t It S e e m s  160  L a n g u a g e is Just Language? I Thought W e  164  Didn't S a y " I n d i a n " A n y w a y  THE RESEARCH QUESTIONS Compulsory:  Question  165  167 A:  167  If t i m e , O p t i o n a l Q u e s t i o n s :  167  v  PART III: CANONICITY: BUILT ON AN INFLATED CURRENCY OF EUROHERITAGEIZATION A T h e o r e t i c a l Starting P o i n t  169 169  Theorising Warm-up Exercise  1 70  Let's T r y F e m i n i s i m :  "Oh! O h ! W h i t e o n R e d "  The persistence of e u r o H ?  171 173  I r o q u o i s leader, C o n a s s a t e g o Stay A w a k e , Stay A w a k e A g a i n Today's t h e D a y !  173 1 75 1 76  part III: c a n o n o n i c i t y : b u i l t o n a n inflated c u r r e n c y o f e u r o h e r i t a g e i z a t i o n forts, a n d t h e n e e d for (de)fortressing the fort at t h e forks  177 177 1 78  l i s t e n i n g - h a r d & k e e p i n g m y m o u t h shut  181  ever euroheritageization  182  porno enamoration  184  textual g e n e t i c p a r e n t a g e  187  inclusiveness discourses, the possibility?  191  m o d e r n i t y , w h o s e paternity?  193  so i c o i n this w o r d : e u r o h e r i t a g e i z a t i o n  195  a disenchantment of the pomo-universe  197  the p o s t m o d e r n i n v i t a t i o n to (re)legitimate e m o t i o n emotionally  laden contact  198 201  a g a i n , a l l t o u c h , a n d n o contact?  203  local agency a n d localism  206  responsibility  208  n o r relativism  a g e n c y as a sense o f p l a c e , b u t b e s k e p t i c a l p l a c e theft  210 211  but t h e p r i m i t i v e is a c k n o w l e d g e d  214  retheorising  215  intellectual dishonesty  218  my rousseau  226  PART IV: ACCULTURATIVE SECULARIZING  232  POST-INTERVIEW: HOME ALONE  237  Mrs. A n g e l a S y d n e y  237  CONCLUSION  239  I D i d N o t C o m e H e r e To, B u t I D i d  239  Storytelling  239  EPILOGUE: POSSIBLE BOOK JACKET REVIEWS  243  & More  243  && More, More  243  POSTSCRIPT OF GRATITUDE  245  BIBLIOGRAPHY  246  vi  PREFACE  Research, f r o m the French recherche, activity.  We  m e a n i n g "to f i n d a g a i n , " is a n a l l t o o h u m a n  are curiosity thrill-seekers p o k i n g about, c o u n t i n g , observing, asking, p r o d d i n g ,  a n a l y z i n g , m e a s u r i n g , c o n c l u d i n g and e n g a g i n g in related activities. O f t e n all of these activities a r e q u i t e s a t i s f y i n g ; e v e n m o r e so, if f u n d e d .  T h u s , t o ask:  "Do  we  still n e e d r e s e a r c h ? " i s ,  perhaps, t o o o b v i o u s l y easy to answer. T h e r e are c o n d i t i o n s like H u m a n  Immunodeficiency  V i r u s (HIV) a n d c a n c e r to cure, holes larger than T e x a s in the p r o t e c t i v e c h a m b e r of o z o n e s u r r o u n d i n g t h e e a r t h t o r e f i l l , i n c r e a s i n g n u m b e r s o f u n f e d c h i l d r e n i n 'First' W o r l d  Countries  stuffed w i t h w e a l t h to nutritiously feed, and a h o m e t o w n t e a m basketball c l u b s l u m p e d t h a n a p a i r o f p u p p y beagle's ears t o s u p p o r t .  lower  W i t h so m a n y a v a i l a b l e p u z z l e s , I a g r e e t h a t  r e s e a r c h is n e e d e d . H o w e v e r , if a s e c o n d q u e s t i o n is p o s e d :  "How  do we  research these p u z z l e s  p r o b l e m s ? " , t h e n t h e r e m i g h t be d i f f i c u l t i e s c o n s t r u c t i n g a n a n s w e r s a t i s f a c t o r y t o a l l . k n o w l e d g e counts may  c o m p l i c a t e the a c c e p t a n c e of p o s s i b l e a n s w e r s in terms of the  standards of o b j e c t i v i t y , p r e c i s i o n , v e r i f i c a t i o n , s i m p l i c i t y a n d a d e q u a c y of e v i d e n c e . s e c o n d q u e r y suggests a third:  "Do  we  and  Whose normative This  n e e d to (re)consider the research process?".  The 'Nay-sayers'  Do we  we  reconsider?  S o m e might understand  d o not," m i g h t w e l l s w e l l .  No;  No, just p h i l o s o p h i c a l nit-picking.  t h i s as s t r a i g h t f o r w a r d . A r e s o u n d i n g ,  "No,  just f o o l i s h , t i m e - c o n s u m i n g , p o l i t i c a l l y - s e n s i t i v e i m p u d e n c e . G o o d reasons can be c o n s t r u c t e d , e x t r i n s i c or intrinsic to the  research process, to dissuade (re)examination and to leave w e l l e n o u g h alone. r e a s o n w h i c h m i g h t b e g i v e n is that r a t i o n a l i t y is u n d e r s t o o d  vii  For e x a m p l e ,  as a s t a p l e o f e p i s t e m o l o g i c a l  one  breakthrough.  R a t i o n a l i t y is t h e high(er)(est) state o f c o n s c i o u s n e s s , a state w h i c h is s e p a r a t e  f r o m o r a b o v e that o f e m o t i o n a l o r s p i r i t u a l states o f a p p r e h e n s i o n .  T h i s high(er)(est) state o f  c o n s c i o u s n e s s is t h e b e s t a p p r o a c h t o 'make' o r ' d i s c o v e r ' k n o w l e d g e . A r g u m e n t s i n f a v o u r o f rationality a l s o favour the sterilization of subjectivit(y)(ies) w h i c h m a y o r i g i n a t e f r o m gender, e t h n o c u l t u r a l , spiritual, or other sources.  emotional,  P a s s i o n s m u s t b e k e p t at b a y i n o r d e r not t o  o v e r w h e l m o b s e r v a t i o n s , not t o s u l l y d a t a , a n d not t o c o n t a m i n a t e c o n c l u s i o n s . A s w e l l , t h e 'nay-sayers' m i g h t a r g u e , a s s e r t i n g p r o p o s i t i o n s b o t h l o g i c a l l y a n d s e q u e n t i a l l y , that s u r v e y i n g a n d i n t e r v i e w i n g t e c h n i q u e s , w i t h a l i t t l e p o l i t i c a l l y - s e n s i t i v e j i g g i n g for  t h e s e p o l i t i c a l l y - s e n s i t i v e t i m e s , a r e still o u r b e s t m e t h o d s t o c o n d u c t n e c e s s a r y r e s e a r c h t o  insure certainty, particularly in the social sciences. the p e o p l e a n d f i n d o u t this time!  T h e r e s t i l l e x i s t s t h e n e e d t o get o u t t h e r e t o  W e just need m o r e accurate instrumentation  to insure the  f i n d i n g s o n w h i c h d e c i s i o n s , d e r i v e d a n d e n a c t e d , are e s t a b l i s h e d . H o w p o o r a r e t h e p o o r ? W h a t are t h e N i s g a ' a r e a l l y l i k e ? m o n e y o n teacher education?  W h y can't that K e n n y r e a d yet?  Don't w e s p e n d e n o u g h  T h e r e m i g h t be e n c o u n t e r e d t h e sense that the p r o m i s e o f  e m p i r i c a l , a n t h r o p o l o g i c a l , scientific o r other forms of non-First N a t i o n s i n s t r u m e n t a t i o n a n d p r o c e d u r e s , i m p o r t e d i n t o s u c h f i e l d s as e d u c a t i o n , m a y still b e f u l f i l l e d . A n o t h e r a r g u m e n t m i g h t b e m a d e that f i n d i n g s d e r i v e d f r o m E u r o d e r i v a t i v e  methodology  l e n d s i t s e l f w e l l t o e u r o t h e o r i z i n g ; that is, i n t e r p r e t i v e a n a l y s i s o f f i n d i n g s r e q u i r e s a p a r a d e o f k n o w n experts. Euroresearch, alternative.  These theoretical templates, themselves devised from painstakingly thorough  e x p l a i n 'the' ' w o r l d ' q u i t e w e l l e n o u g h .  A l t e r n a t i v e p a r a d i g m s must, w e l l , r e m a i n  A f i n a l a r g u m e n t m i g h t b e m a d e that r e s e a r c h , i n a d d i t i o n t o b e i n g  rational,  o b j e c t i v e a n d a n e m o t i o n a l , must a l s o r e m a i n d e v o u t l y , r e l i g i o u s l y secular; that s p i r i t u a l i t y a n d 'science', of C o d .  - o r faith a n d reason o r belief a n d Truth - must remain d i v o r c e d f r o m a n y sensibility O u r c o n c e p t s o f C o d a n d s p i r i t u s (do)(can)not  t h e l a b o r a t o r y ; t h e t h e o l o g i a n c a n n o t w o r k as s c i e n t i s t .  viii  b e l o n g in t h e hypothesis-testing rigor of  Fair e n o u g h , all g o o d p r o c e s s , f o r aren't  reasons t o not waste t i m e in r e c o n s i d e r a t i o n of the research  these questions of procedure  a n d not questions of justice?  A 'Yay-sayer'  H o w e v e r , I a m n o t a 'nay-sayer'.  I i n t e n d n o offense. I d o n o t suggest that research  e n t e r p r i s e s b e d i s c a r d e d a l t o g e t h e r . But, if a s k e d , t h e n I w i l l a n s w e r , "Yes, p l e a s e r e c o n s i d e r . " W h i l e s t u d y i n g at a E u r o C a n a d i a n u n i v e r s i t y , s i t u a t e d o n t h e t r a d i t i o n a l t e r r i t o r y o f t h e M u s q u e a m , I initially became, a n d quite unintentionally, a researcher of the research process. I m e a n t t o d o m y research a n d exit.  I d i d not intend to philosophically reconsider so m a n y  aspects of the research assignment expected.  H o w e v e r , m y e m o t i o n a l , gendered, "Indian,"  s p i r i t u a l , ( i r ) r a t i o n a l , w o r k i n g - c l a s s - r o o t e d m e s s y self k e p t i n t r u d i n g i n t o t h i s r e s e a r c h p r o c e s s a n d p r o m p t e d further p h i l o s o p h i c a l self-questioning. T h r o u g h this q u e s t i o n i n g , I d e v e l o p e d intuitive q u a l m s about graduate study post-secondary  my  research into s o m e articulate reasons to  support reconsideration. The  focus o n rationality leaves m e i n despair, frustrated, u n f u l f i l l e d ,  anxious, frightened a n d intrigued.  I, i n s h o r t , f o u n d  is e m o t i o n i n c o g n i t i o n a n d c o g n i t i o n i n e m o t i o n .  saddened, amused,  myself feeling emotional.  I see-believe there  I a l s o s e e m y s e l f i n c o g n i t i o n ; t r y as I h a v e , I  a m u n a b l e t o l e a v e m y m u l t i p l y - l a y e r e d s u b j e c t i v i t ( y ) ( i e s ) at t h e d o o r o f t h e l a b . I h a v e t r i e d s t i f l i n g t h e s e i n t r u s i o n s , but! t h e n ! t h e y ! b u b b l e ! up! l i k e ! a! p l a t e ! of! f r i e d ! l i v e r ! a n d ! o n i o n s ! ! B e s i d e s , if w e a r e t o b e a n e m o t i o n a l pioneers  makers of k n o w l e d g e - solely rational e p i s t e m o l o g i c a l  - i n o u r c o m m u n a l q u e s t t o e n g i n e e r a s o c i a l l y - c o n s t r u c t e d r e a l i t y , t h e n I'm s u r e C o d  w o u l d n ' t h a v e g i v e n us a l l t h e s e great e m o t i o n s a n d p u n c t u a t i o n m a r k s ! A s w e l l , I've r e a d j u s t a b o u t all t h e v a l o r i z e d researched products I c a n s t o m a c h about myself a n d m y p e o p l e  (known,  l e g a l l y a n d l e g i s l a t i v e l y i n C a n a d a as " I n d i a n s " ) . W i t h f e w e x c e p t i o n s , a n t h r o p o l o g y a n d  ix  education-dressed-up-as-anthropology or education-dressed-up-as-science must stop if a starting point for researched investigation continues to be based on the query: "I wonder how the Indians do it." Racism is passe and a violation of Canada's Constitution Act, Section 15(1) (R.S.C. En. Canada Act, 1982 (U.K.), 1982, c.11; See: Imai & Hawley, 1995, p. 270). Enough hypothesizing that if x is "Indian," then it will follow that y. "Indian" is not a species independent of all two-leggeds. Thirdly, for those who require quantification, if we are to break the theoretic bonds of culturally reproductive frameworks, then, perhaps, there is need for some new theory-lenses to look at all these keen findings. Intellectually rigorous analysis might be fashioned from non-patriarchal or non-Euro or non-secular theories. I have reservations about the usefulness of unquestioned authority of any canon used to fashion and support the answers to troubling questions. Finally, I was raised Catholic. I identify myself as a lapsed Catholic for I do not practice regularly the rituals and responsibilities required ; yet, my faith does not disappear. I accept that God/Creator or THE BICHOLYMANIFESTING is an all-determining reality. My spiritus-soul lives as part of my integrity within a very humbling, interconnected, living, finely spun energy of relationships. Reverence, love, compassion are elements which must be in my research process. And don't offer to put me in a theology department. After all, Descartes (1596-1650), quoted often in the literature I have been instructed to inspect, conceded humbly that "For there is no doubt that God is capable of creating everything that I am capable of perceiving" (Descartes, 1641/1988; 1641, Sixth Meditation, p. 50, para. 72). At this location known as University, one is almost obligated to knowledgeably repeat the Cartesian dualism, that mind and body are split (Ibid., Second Meditation, pp. 16-23). There is, however, in my seminars much silence about the (pres)(exist)ence of ' C o d ' in Descartes' Meditations. This material world is also a spiritual world for me. I need always to remember and to deepen my reverence for the  x  life-force-mystery-beauty-spirit-power of all beings a n d to e x h i b i t reverence w i t h i n m y relationships.  I'm l o u s y at t h i s r e v e r e n t i a l p r a x i s at t i m e s ; but, I h a v e i d e a l s , f o u n d e d o n b e l i e f s .  These Good Reasons Are My Good Reasons  I v i e w g o o d r e a s o n s as j u s t that: g o o d r e a s o n s , that is, p l a u s i b l e e x p r e s s i o n s  of grounds  f o r o r g r o u n d s a g a i n s t s u p p o r t o f a p o s i t i o n . In fact, w e l l e n o u g h a r g u e d g o o d r e a s o n s f o r o r against a p o s i t i o n m i g h t f i r m into belief; and, action(s) f o l l o w s belief.  I d o n o t p r e s u m e that o u r  b e l i e f s a r e a l w a y s o v e r t l y a n d i n t e n t i o n a l l y d i s s e c t e d b e f o r e e a c h a c t i o n ; t h a t is, s o m e t i m e s I l i v e life h a b i t u a l l y o r u n c o n s c i o u s l y .  Therefore,  e x p r e s s i o n o f m y a f f i r m a t i o n t h a t t h e r e is n e e d t o  r e c o n s i d e r t h e r e s e a r c h p r o c e s s is n e i t h e r t o s l i t h e r a l o n g s o m e m o r a l c o n v i n c e o n e 'nay-sayer' t o d e c a m p .  high ground nor to  I speak-write for myself, b e l i e v i n g that I c a n n o t s p e a k for  a n y o n e e l s e . In s p e a k i n g - w r i t i n g I d o , p e r h a p s , o f f e r a n a l t e r n a t e p e r s p e c t i v e , b u t t h i s a l t e r n a t i v e is a n o f f e r i n g - n o t a c o n s t r u c t e d a r g u m e n t t o p e r s u a d e . u n d e c i d e d n o r t o l i v e n u p a p a r a d i g m shift.  I have n o aspirations t o rally the  I b e l i e v e , a n d , h a v e n o d i f f i c u l t y w i t h , t h e fact that  e v e r y o n e f i n d s t h e v e n u e t o e x p r e s s a u t o n o m o u s l y his o r h e r o w n p r e f e r e n c e s , arguments ina socially-believed world.  opinions,  M y extremely limited k n o w l e d g e of biodiversity informs  m e o f t h e n e c e s s i t y o f d i v e r s i t y f o r s p e c i e s s u r v i v a l ; a n d , thus, I b e l i e v e e p i s t e m o l o g i c a l d i v e r s i t y is o f e q u a l i m p o r t a n c e t o o u r s h a r e d s u r v i v a l as a s p e c i e s .  Iconsider epistemological diversity  like a n antidote t o t h e w e i g h t of h o m o g e n e o u s , massified opinion-thought w a r n e d of b y O r t e g a de G a s s e t i n 1 9 3 2 o r t o t h e fearful c o n f o r m i t y d r a m a t i z e d b y G e o r g e O r w e l l  in 1949.  W h a t f o l l o w s a r e m y g o o d reasons, w h i c h are not based o n research d i r e c t e d i n traditional lab-like o r etlnno-life-lab-like settings. I d i d not c o u n t s u r v e y responses n o r a n a l y t i c a l l y c o d e i n t e r v i e w t r a n s c r i p t s t o g e n e r a t e t h e s e f i n d i n g s . T h i s is m y p h i l o s o p h i c a l e x a m i n a t i o n o f  xi  s o m e o f t h e a s s u m p t i o n s o f t h e r e s e a r c h p r o c e s s I e n c o u n t e r e d as a g r a d u a t e s t u d e n t .  My  f i n d i n g s , w h i c h c a n b e d e s c r i b e d as p e r s o n a l l y - g e n e r a t e d d a t a , a r e p r o v i d e d i n a, p e r h a p s , unusual  r e n d e r i n g for presentation of the dissertation genre.  f i n d i n g s o f t h i s p h i l o s o p h i c a l i n v e s t i g a t i o n at a l l . C o m m i t t e e s a w p r o m i s e i n this data  In fact, I n o t g o i n g t o p r e s e n t t h e  H o w e v e r , t h e m e m b e r s o f m y Ph.D.  a n d b e l i e v e d this case study/story t o b e w o r t h y of p u b l i c  recording and dissemination. T h e s e f i n d i n g s are presented in four larger sections, w h i c h i n c l u d e : 1)  A n e m o t i o n a l co(gni)(ndi)tioning ( S O U T H - Emotional  Realm),  2)  The socoiospirituemotscopoliticocultural white noise of researching (WEST - Physical Realm),  3)  Canonicity:  4)  A c c u l t u r a t i v e S e c u l a r i z i n g (EAST - Spiritual Realm).  Euroheritageizationing ( N O R T H - Cognitive Realm), and,  A t times, these f i n d i n g s sound-read like garage tapes w h e r e i n a m u s i c i a n records s o m e around' before t a k i n g idea motes into a studio for full production.  hacking  A s with such sessions, there  appear m o m e n t s of creative insight a n d instances of inevitable self-indulgence. T h e products of creative inspiration a n d self-indulgence almost a l w a y s generate s o m e good-natured humour. This p r o d u c t is n o e x c e p t i o n .  W i t h i n t h e s e p a g e s t h e s c h o l a r l y u n d e r l a y is o v e r l a i d w i t h h u m o u r . If  there's o n e t h i n g I've k e p t a n d , p e r h a p s , s h a r p e n e d w h i l e i n r e s i d e n c e as a g r a d u a t e s t u d e n t , t h i s is m y s e n s e o f h u m o r . N o t that I e v e r i n t e n d e d t o c o m e h e r e t o b e  humourist.  So let us go then you and I.  xii  1  INTRODUCTION  Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged. Get back [Sharilyn]. Go home. (Lennon & M c C a r t n e y , 1969)  Of Dissertations & Expectations  Beware, Beware O f Committee M e m b e r s Bearing H o m e m a d e Christmas Cake  I a m a f e m a l e o f First N a t i o n s A n c e s t r y , b o r n A p r i l 2 4 , 1 9 5 3 . I left t h e m i d d l e - c l a s s profession of c l a s s r o o m t e a c h i n g in June of 1 9 8 9 t o return t o u n i v e r s i t y in January of 1 9 9 0 t o p u r s u e g r a d u a t e s t u d i e s . T h i s s h o u l d b e a s i m p l e s t o r y t o t e l l ; after a l l , r e t u r n i n g t o g r a d u a t e s c h o o l is n o t a u n i q u e e x p e r i e n c e . Y e t , t h i s is a t r o u b l e s o m e  story t o tell as I a r t i c u l a t e m y  thoughts-intuitions-feelings-sensations about b e i n g 'schooled' - again. T h e story d o e s not u n f o l d as n e a t l y a n d s e q u e n t i a l l y as d i d t h e w r i t i n g o f m y M a s t e r ' s t h e s i s . A n y w a y , I w a s d e f t l y forgetting a n initial c o n c e p t i o n of m y dissertation project a n d b e g i n n i n g t o write m y w a y into a n e w area of interest, w h i c h  I d e e m e d t o b e m u c h m o r e 'academic'.  I resisted the e n c o u r a g i n g  i n v i t a t i o n s o f m y Ph.D. c o m m i t t e e m e m b e r s t o risk s e l f - e x p o s u r e a n d t a l k a b o u t m y p e r s o n a l journey  through graduate studies.  I w i s h e d t o retreat i n t o t i d y , s c h o l a r l y , t h i r d - p e r s o n , a c a d e m i c  c o m p o s i t i o n b y c o n s t r u c t i n g t h r o u g h l a n g u a g e a n a l t e r n a t e h i s t o r y o f First N a t i o n s e d u c a t i o n a n d schooling.  I g u e s s I'll g e t t o that s o m e d a y .  2 One my  D e c e m b e r day, I w a n d e r e d o v e r t o m y  n e w e s t v e r s i o n of the d i s s e r t a t i o n proposal.  w r i t i n g s t y l e s as I a d o p t a n d t h i s Ph.D.  f o r m e r l y , Dr. W., s c h o o l i n g was experience  was  Lately, I j o k i n g l y c a l l m y s e l f the 'Picasso' of  a b o r t s o m a n y f o r m s o f d i s s e r t a t i o n - l i k e text.  c o m m i t t e e m e m b e r left m e  not be e a s i l y a b a n d o n e d .  neighbour's h o u s e to r e c e i v e her reactions to  understanding  W e l c o m i n g me  best left s h e l v e d ! worthwhile.  response from  that a n o r i g i n a l d i s s e r t a t i o n p r o p o s a l  with coffee and  surprisingly, stood up to my  The  could  h o m e m a d e C h r i s t m a s c a k e , Dr.  A.,  protests t h a t t h e a u t o b i o g r a p h i c a l a c c o u n t o f  my  I r e s i s t e d h e r c h a l l e n g e s that w r i t i n g a b o u t t h i s p o s t - s e c o n d a r y  N o t o f t e n is s o m e o n e s o b r a v e l y r e s o l u t e i n t h e f a c e o f  my  stubbornness.  Strong  A battle of w i l l s e n s u e d .  Motivation  I r e c o g n i z e d that m y  reasons for d r o p p i n g the research project  w e r e i n e f f e c t u a l i n l i g h t of her t h r e a t s t o r e s i g n f r o m m y two  m e m b e r s of my  committee.  c o m m i t t e e w o u l d r e s i g n if I c o n t i n u e d  A c t u a l l y , she c o n v e y e d that  t o retreat i n t o a less u n i q u e t h e  h i s t o r y o f s c h o o l i n g f o r P e r s o n s o f First N a t i o n s A n c e s t r y [ h e r e i n : P F N A ] . c o m m i t t e e l e s s left m e  t h a t Dr. A. l o v e s me;  b e t w e e n student and  of Ph.D.  s e e - u n d e r s t a n d t h e merit(s) o f w h a t Dr. A  Dr. A. s a w  I let t h e r a i n a n n o u n c e t h e m a r t y r d o m o f a  committee.  I d i d not k n o w w h a t she d e s i r e d .  b e g a n t o w r i t e that a f t e r n o o n .  basement apartment.  I am  however, I d i d c o n t e m p l a t e the d i s e q u i l i b r i u m in p o w e r  committee member.  p o w e r l e s s in the equation I fussed.  potential of b e i n g  b r e a t h l e s s . That's s t r o n g m o t i v a t i o n t o r e c o n s i d e r s e r i o u s l y .  I trudged the weary, long, three b l o c k s northward to my convinced  The  O n c e home, I reconsidered.  I fretted.  student I fumed.  I c o u l d not outguess her i n t e n t i o n s . I d i d not had  located. S o m e w h a t angered and  confused, I  W h i l e p r o o f r e a d i n g t h e first draft, I s m i l e d , b e c a u s e , er, p e r h a p s ,  s o m e t h i n g I m i s s e d sitting right u n d e r my  nose.  I d i d , as r e q u e s t e d , t e l l t h e s t o r y of  w h a t D r . A. c a l l s m y ' " p e r s o n a l j o u r n e y " as a g r a d u a t e s t u d e n t .  T h e resultant story, s o m e w h a t  l i k e a c a s e s t u d y f o c u s o n t h i s o n e part o f m y e d u c a t i o n a l j o u r n e y , f o r c e d m e t o a r t i c u l a t e s o m e o f t h e q u a l m s I h a v e felt as a g r a d u a t e s t u d e n t p o n d e r i n g  a n d q u e s t i o n i n g the nature of research  - e s p e c i a l l y as r e l a t e d t o a s i g n i f i e r r e l a t e d t o o n e part o f m y p l a n e t a r y i d e n t i t y k i t .  rattle-rattle-rattle-rattle  Resistance a n d Uncertainty  T h i s is a n u n c e r t a i n l y t o l d story. I d i d n o t i n t e n d t o w r i t e a d i s s e r t a t i o n l i k e t h i s . w r i t e i n m y j o u r n a l but I d o n o t a d m i t p e o p l e t o those pages. best kept p r i v a t e a n d protected.  I like to  Ithink s o m e thoughts-feelings are  I d i d not intend to be so personal w h e r e i n I leap f r o m flights of  angry, (il)logical p o l e m i c to poetic images a n d from d o g g e d analysis t o logical (persuas)(argumentat)ion.  I resist(ed) s e l f - e x p o s u r e .  I a m u n c e r t a i n o f t h e lesson(s) h e r e t o s h a r e  w i t h others a n d I w a s uncertain about the form of sharing required. T h e intuitions s e e m e d trapped  i n a s u b c o n s c i o u s n e s s a n d I d i d not k n o w h o w to m a k e the fluid thoughts solid e n o u g h  for potential readers t o f o l l o w . A l s o , m y s t o r y o f d i s s e r t a t i o n c o n s t r u c t i o n r u g g e d l y ( u n ) ( e n ) f o l d s as a s t r u g g l e t o b e t a k e n t h o u g h t f u l l y as a n a c a d e m i c v o i c e w h i l e a r t i c u l a t i n g m y e x p e r i e n c e s as a p o s t - s e c o n d a r y studentvoice  i n p u r s u i t o f t h r e e letters s i g n i f y i n g a c a d e m i c c r e d e n t i a l l i n g .  T o tell this m y story  m e a n t t h a t I h a d t o c o n f r o n t m y c o n s t r u c t i o n s o f 'what' is a c a d e m i c a n d w h a t is not; w h e r e I i n h e r i t e d t h e s e c o n s t r ( u c ) ( i c ) t i o n s ; a n d m y r e s i s t a n c e t o s i m p l y s p e a k i n g as w h o I a m - w h o I a m for now.  W h e n I b e g a n w r i t i n g t h i s d i s s e r t a t i o n , I w a s n o t y e t as b r a v e - k n o w i n g as E m m a  L a R o c q u e ( 1 9 9 0 ) w h o states t h a t [tjhere is t r e m e n d o u s p r e s s u r e t o r e a d a n d w r i t e s c h o l a r l y a r t i c l e s , t h e s e s , a n d dissertations.  Unfortunately, t o o many scholars apparently assume scholarly  4 w r i t i n g must, b y d e f i n i t i o n , b e pedantic, stifling, a n d soul-less! B u t I a m M e t i s - I refuse t o let c o n v e n t i o n a l  d i c t a t e s o f W e s t e r n s c h o l a r s h i p b u r y m e i n d r y d u s t (p.  143). I feared a n d desired erasuring the c o n v e n t i o n s w h i c h have erasured  me. In c o m p o s i n g t h e s e  w o r d s , I c o m e t o u n d e r s t a n d t h e s e n s i b i l i t y that a c a d e m i c w r i t i n g n e e d n o t s u f f e r f r o m g r a v i t y . M y r e s i s t a n c e is a l s o c o n n e c t e d t o m y d e s i r e t o NOT  (re)invent the "Indian" for d i s p l a y ,  strewn across these pages like a s p e c i m e n prepped b y a microtome. c o m p u t e r ; n o t i n t h e c u p b o a r d o r at a b l o c k a d e .  I a m p o s i t i o n e d at t h e  I d i d n o t c o m e h e r e t o w r i t e a n " I n d i a n ' s " story.  Initially, I c a m e here to c o m p l e t e a scholarly conceptual  analysis about community-based  c u r r i c u l a ( C a l l i o u , 1992). Then, w i t h o n e graduate degree i n hand, I c h o s e t o c o n t i n u e studies.  W h y not?  I (can) l o o k t h e part:  I w e a r t h i c k glasses a n d talk t o m y s e l f a l t h o u g h I d o  not yet o w n a n e l b o w - p a t c h e d t w e e d jacket. proved  and  I r a t i o n a l i s e d that o n c e Iwrote  this paper a n d I  m y a c a d e m i c legwork, then I w o u l d possess the f r e e d o m t o tell m y story w i t h  t h a t is, s p e a k i n g  academic  f r o m w i t h i n m y o w n l o c a t i o n a l subjectivit(y)(ies).  myvoice;  T h i s s t o r y c a m e l i k e a gift;  i n t h e e n d I f e e l t h e f r e e d o m o f E m m a L a R o q u e ' s ( 1 9 9 0 ) a d v i c e that t h e r e is n o " n e c e s s a r y  d i s t i n c t i o n b e t w e e n b e i n g a s c h o l a r a n d a p o e t i c w r i t e r , o r a p o e t " (p. 143). understand-feel  I think I  that n o w .  Not to the Manor Born  L e R o y L i t t l e B e a r ( p e r s o n a l c o m m u n i c a t i o n , D e c e m b e r , 1 9 9 4 ) , s a y s t h a t "Ph.D. s t a n d s f o r P o s t H o l e D i g g e r , a n d t h a t m y p a r e n t s w i l l b e h a p p y t o l e a r n that I'll b e a b l e t o g e t a r e a l j o b w h e n t h i s is a l l over."  I t h i n k - f e e l that, w h e n t h i s is c o m p l e t e , I w i l l e m b r a c e t h e Z e n - l i k e  solitude of such physical toil.  T h i n k i n g , t h e o r i s i n g a n d t e s t i n g a s s u m p t i o n s a b o u t p r i n t t e x t is  a r d u o u s l a b o u r i n g ; a n d p e r h a p s , at t i m e s , r i s k y e x ( c e r t i o n ) ( p o s u r e ) ; e s p e c i a l l y , if o n e is n o t t o t h e  U n i v e r s i t y born.  A c c o r d i n g t o C a n a d a ' s I n d i a n A c t , I a m a n " I n d i a n , " t h a t is "a p e r s o n  who  p u r s u a n t t o t h i s A c t is r e g i s t e r e d as a n I n d i a n o r is e n t i t l e d t o b e r e g i s t e r e d as a n I n d i a n " (R.S.C., 1985,  c. 1-5, 2(1); s e e I m a i & H a w l e y , 1 9 9 5 , p. 4). In fact, 1 2 0 y e a r a g o , I c o u l d n o t b e at a  C a n a d i a n u n i v e r s i t y as a n " I n d i a n " (Ibid.,). C a n a d a ' s I n d i a n A c t ( 1 8 7 6 ) states i n S e c t i o n 8 6 ( 1 ) that a n y " I n d i a n " who  m a y be admitted t o the degree of D o c t o r of M e d i c i n e , o r t o a n y other d e g r e e  by a n y U n i v e r s i t y of Learning, o r w h o may be admitted  in any Province of the  D o m i n i o n t o p r a c t i c e l a w e i t h e r as a n A d v o c a t e o r as a B a r r i s t e r o r C o u n s e l l o r o r Solicitor or Attorney or to be a Notary P u b l i c , or w h o  may enter H o l y O r d e r s or  w h o m a y b e l i c e n s e d b y a n y d e n o m i n a t i o n o f C h r i s t i a n s as a M i n i s t e r o f t h e G o s p e l , s h a l l i p s o f a c t o b e c o m e e n f r a n c h i s e d [that is, b e r e m o v e d o f a l l a b o r i g i n a l rights] u n d e r t h i s A c t (see V e n n e , 1 9 8 1 , p. 4 7 ) . This p r o v i s o stands w i t h t h e Indian Acts 1906,  ( 1 8 8 0 , Sect. 99(1); 1 8 8 4 , Sect. 99(4); 1 8 8 6 ; Sect. 8 6 ;  Sect. 1 1 1 ; s e e V e n n e , 1 9 8 1 , p p . 8 3 , 9 9 , 1 4 6 , 2 1 7 ) . T h e e l i m i n a t i o n c l a u s e  'disappears'  w i t h a m e n d m e n t s t o the 1 9 2 7 v e r s i o n of Canada's Indian A c t . So, I'm h e r e f r e e l y a n d w i t h o u t f e a r o f p u n i t i v e a c t i o n f o r a t t e n d a n c e at t h e A c a d e m y . I am  not p o s i t i o n e d or located w i t h i n the A c a d e m y by virtue of birth or inheritance. I a m the  ' O t h e r ' w h o s e i d e n t i t y is " r e g i s t e r e d " o n a " B a n d List," t h a t is, " r e g i s t e r e d as a n I n d i a n i n t h e I n d i a n R e g i s t e r " o n "a list o f p e r s o n s that is m a i n t a i n e d  u n d e r s e c t i o n 8 [of t h e I n d i a n A c t ] b y a  b a n d o r i n t h e D e p a r t m e n t [of I n d i a n A f f a i r s ] (R.S.C., 1 9 8 5 , c. 1-5, 2(1); s e e I m a i &  Hawley,  1995,  and  p p . 5, 3, r e s p e c t i v e l y ) .  I a m t h e 'Other', m u c h t h e o r i s e d a b o u t i n r e s e a r c h e d  p u b l i s h e d a c a d e m i c studies. I a m t h e 'Other' w h o s e p r e s e n s e s o far i n t h e i n t e l l e c t u a l o r a c a d e m i c w o r l d has b e e n a t o k e n o n e , a c o m p o n e n t i n ritual references to gender, race a n d class.  . . . Not found in  n u m b e r s as a u t h o r s o f c r i t i c a l t e x t s , o r i n r e f e r e e d j o u r n a l s , l a c k i n g ' s c h o l a r l y ' r e s p e c t a b i l i t y , d e f y i n g e s t a b l i s h e d n o r m s a n d f o r m s ( B a n n e r j i , 1 9 9 3 , p. x i v ) . I c a n n o w c o n c u r w i t h B a n n e r j i . Y e t , b e f o r e I f i n d B a n n e r j i ( a n d o t h e r s l i k e her), I a m learning about the enormity  of this observation.  c e m e n t s p r a w l i n g in a forest-like setting. at e n t r i e s l i k e :  I l e a r n at t h i s p l a c e o f b r i c k , s t o n e , g l a s s a n d  I learn to look for myself in b i b l i o g r a p h i e s a n d indexes  marginalised, Indian, v i c t i m i s e d , C a n a d i a n Native, oppressed, (in)visible m i n o r i t y  et c e t e r a . I m a g i n e l o o k i n g f o r y o u r s e l f i n a n e n t r y l i k e " v i c t i m / v i c t i m i z e r " o r " o p p r e s s e d " (see, f o r e x a m p l e , R o s e n a u , 1 9 9 2 , pp. 2 2 8 , 2 2 3 ) .  M y m o t h e r a n d m y father didn't teach m e t o think  o f m y s e l f l i k e that. A s I h a v e i n t e r a c t i v e l y p r o c e s s e d auth(or)(esse)(itie)s, w i t h t h e i n t e n t i o n o f c o n v e y i n g n u m e r o u s l a b e l s u s e d t o i d e n t i f y a n d l o c a t e me.  m i l e s o f text, t h a t is, s i g n s e n c o d e d b y meaning to audiences,  I witness the  In r e a d i n g I h a v e d i s c o v e r e d a  Europalimpsestic narrative written over m i n e again a n d again. Interactive, however, does not m e a n control.  I o n l y (re)(inter)act.  I c o m e t o d i s c e r n that  there a r e s p e c i f i c reasons for the e x c l u s i o n of "Indians" f r o m this m i l i e u ; a n d that "Indians" a r e quite a research industry. I g r o w u n c o m f o r t a b l e d e c o d i n g a n d repulse s o m e aspects of this p h y s i c a l l y t e x t u a l e n v i r o n m e n t as I b e g i n t o u n d e r s t a n d that t e x t s a r e n o t j u s t d e s i g n s o n p a p e r but m e a n i n g f u l l y b e l i e v e d signs w h i c h have effects (legislative, e d u c a t i o n a l , e m o t i v e , material) o n t h e r e a d e r s i n t h e i r c a p a c i t y as l e g i s l a t i v e e n f o r c e r , c l a s s r o o m a l s o c o m e t o u n d e r s t a n d that t h e s e s i g n s h a v e d i r e c t e f f e c t o n  teacher or c u r i o u s bystander.  I  those w h o may have never  p a r t i c i p a t e d i n t h e c o n s t r u c t i o n o f t h e s i g n s o r n e v e r r e a d t h e text. B U T ! I d i d n o t c o m e h e r e t o d i s c o v e r o r t o a n a l y s e h o w " I n d i a n s " (R.S.C., 1 9 7 0 , c.l-6, s.5.) a r e ' t a l k e d about', that is, t o s t r i d e t h e c i r c u m f e r e n c e  of a b o u n d a r i e d discourse extant about  a p a r t i c u l a r p o p u l a t i o n , v a r i o u s l y i d e n t i f i e d as N a t i v e , First P e o p l e s , A m e r i n d i a n , S a v a g e , I l l i t e r a t e , I n d i a n s (Status, non-Status o r o t h e r w i s e ) , P r i m i t i v e , ( U n ) C i v i l i ( s ) ( z ) e d , C a n a d i a n A b o r i g i n a l , First N a t i o n s o r o t h e r w i s e .  I d i d not c o m e here to b e c o m e (dis)located.  Native,  I d i d not  7 c o m e here t o e x p l o r e t h e t r o p o l o g i c a l significance, to dissect the legal a n d legislative reality o f " I n d i a n s , " o r t o ( r e ) e x p e r i e n c e t h e d i s j u n c t i v e o f b e i n g " I n d i a n " (R.S.C., 1 9 7 0 , c.l-6, s.5.) i n Canadian  society. I d i d not c o m e here t o have the 'world' stop m a k i n g sense.  c o m e here t o b e t h e "Indian."  M y post-secondary s c h o o l i n g experience  In f a c t , I d i d n o t  is c o n f l i c t e d w i t h t h e  p o l i t i c s o f i d e n t i t y a n d m y r e s o l v e t o s t u d y a n d t o resist is a l s o s t r e n g t h e n e d  b y these politics of  identity.  Looking for an out in a world closing in Trying to be as real as I could be Confused by definitions of being free ( T r u d e l l , 1 9 9 2 , b o o t l e g t a p e , n o b i b l i o g r a p h i c reference.)  I struggle. I struggle t o remember. I struggle to keep remembering. I s t r u g g l e t o k e e p r e m e m b e r i n g w h o I am.  we don't have time/ for more mind wasting lies whatever it is you're going/we're not going to buy it it's time to say something/not a time to be quiet Rant and roll heartspeak from the spirit say it loud so everyone can hear it ( T r u d e l l , rant a n d r o l l , 1 9 9 4 , n.p.)  The  struggle (en)un)folds and  I a m alternately learning h o w to d r o w n a n d l e a r n i n g h o w to s w i m .  And, (Trudell, 1992,  r e a l i t y is i n h o w y o u  swim.  b o o t l e g tape, n o b i b l i o g r a p h i c reference.)  F o u r A r e a s to C o n t e m p l a t e  A l t h o u g h t h e r e are m a n y a r e a s of angst, a n o m n i p r e s e n t e x i s t e n t i a l n a u s e a , I n a m e f o u r . T h e s e are: (1)  A n e m o t i o n a l Co(gni)(ndi)tioning;  (2)  T h e s o c i o s p i r i t u e m o e c o p o l i t i c o c u l t u r a l W h i t e N o i s e of R e s e a r c h i n g ;  (3)  Canononicity:  (4)  Acculturative Secularizing.  Euroheritageizationing;  and  Stay Awake, Stay Awake  E x i s t e n t i a l i n t h e s e n s e that I f i n d that t h e f r e e ( d o m ) ( w i l l ) , a u t o n o m y a s it w e r e , I b e l i e v e I h a v e is not.  M y c h o i c e s are l i m i t e d ; m y o p t i o n s of m y o w n m a k i n g .  graduate studies.  O f course.  I s e e that as c o w a r d l y . J a s p e r s ( 1 9 4 1 ) s a y s I c a n a n d  I could  quit  must r e m e m b e r to put u p  an i n t e r i o r r e s i s t a n c e t o t h e s o c i a l - w o r l d i m p o s i n g o n me: " D o not l o s e y o u r s e l f i n w h a t is m e r e l y k n o w n ! " (p. 2 0 4 ) . individuals to be aware.  I s u s p e c t that J a s p e r s w a s not w r i t i n g d i r e c t l y t o m e w h e n h e i n v o k e d B e s i d e s , w h a t c o u l d J a s p e r s k n o w of t h e p a i n of o u r P e o p l e , i n w o r d s  s p o k e n l i k e t h e w o r d s of B u f f a l o B i r d W o m a n of t h e H i d a t s a N a t i o n . remembers, with s o m e disbelief and  In her w i n t e r y e a r s , s h e  s e l f - d o u b t , t h e t i m e s of b u f f a l o a n d  I n d i a n w a y s a r e a l m o s t g o n e " (in N a b o k o v , 1 9 9 1 ,  p. 182).  Her  son  deer, (fear)(feel)ing "our  " g r e w u p i n t h e w h i t e man's  9 school" and  is " h e l p i n g t h e m [the H i d a t s a p e o p l e ] t o f o l l o w t h e w h i t e man's r o a d " w h i l e s h e s e e s  t h e H i d a t s a l i f e i n t h e s h a d o w s at s u n s e t (Ibid.). W h a t / h o w c a n e x i s t e n t i a l i s t s s p e a k o f t h e l o n g , l o n e l y sadness l i k e that of an a n o n y m o u s O m a h a ? now  She, w h o  t h e f a c e o f a l l t h e l a n d is c h a n g e d a n d sad.  see t h e l a n d d e s o l a t e a n d  k n o w s in her heart-mind  that  l i v i n g creatures are gone. I  The  I suffer a n u n s p e a k a b l e s a d n e s s .  S o m e t i m e s I w a k e in  I f e e l as t h o u g h I s h o u l d s u f f o c a t e f r o m t h e p r e s s u r e o f t h i s a w f u l  the night, and  f e e l i n g o f l o n e l i n e s s ( N a b o k o v , 1 9 9 1 , p. 184). Existentialists write-wrote f r o m the c o m f o r t of their o w n  c o u n t r i e s ; w o u l d that their w o r d s c o u l d  e v e r c o n v e y t h e e n o r m i t y of t h e b l e a k n e s s s p e a k i n g w h e n o n e over and  is m a d e t o f o r g e t one's S e l f - L a n d  over again.  B e c a u s e of those w h o  do remember, I can r e m e m b e r too.  I f i g h t f e e l i n g t r a n q u i l i s e d up h e r e , s t r u g g l i n g a g a i n s t a c c e p t i n g p a r t i c u l a r a b o u t a n u m b e r of topics. consciousness  E v e n t u a l l y , I f i n d that s o m e R e d  s e i z e s h o l d of me  student or lecturer).  I am  A l e r t [bad p u n , m e a  culpa]  nearly e a c h t i m e I p i c k up a text(book) or enter a c l a s s r o o m  paralysed, enraged, s a d d e n e d or a n i m a t e d w i t h the  e n l i g h t e n e d o r a c c u r a t e c o n t e n t of c e r t a i n t e x t u a l ( p r e ) ( a s ) s u m p t i o n s . h e r e , as Dr. A. refers t o it, I a m  understandings  now  too w i d e awake -  In m y  like s o m e o n e who  (as  erroneous,  "personal  journey"  finally pulls over to  t h e s h o u l d e r o f t h e a s p h a l t h i g h w a y after d r i v i n g 14 h o u r s a c r o s s t h e p r a i r i e s , h i g h o n c o f f e e a n d cigarettes, o n l y to find  S/HE  C A N N O T GET  TO  SLEEP.  10  I am awake. A W A K E  I am disquietingly awake. I don't  want to sleep  I would  anymore.  welcome  the restful sleep of ignorance.  How to stay awake Sockajuwu? How to stay here? How to stay awake here?  And, there is my people sleeping since a long time but aren't just dreams the old cars without engine parking in front of the house or angry words ordering peace of mind or who steals from you for your good and doesn't wanna remember what he owes you sometimes I'd like to fall asleep too. close my eyes on everything  But I can't I can't.  [Sockajuwu. 1970,  n.p.]  11 I d i d not k n o w I was w a k i n g up again. w a k i n g again (c)(w)ould be so painful.  I d i d not k n o w I was sleeping. I d i d not k n o w  I d i d not know.  Like a w o m a n sleepwalking in a  snowstorm, I d o k n o w the importance of not falling asleep inside the c o l d .  Keep  Keep walking  I am  Keep  Keep  walking  walking  p r o u d of my ethnocultural identity.  wa  I am proud to be  IndianNativeAboriginalMohawkCreeSiouxStoneyMichelBand  heritage. I d o not w i l l i n g l y  s e l f - i d e n t i f y as " I n d i a n . " Y e t , i n t h i s c o n t e x t " I n d i a n " s e e m s t o h a v e m e a n i n g . related to my ancestry seem to have meaning. A m BUT! I am class poor.  m o r e than "Indian."  Iawake now?  Or, am  Many  labels  I only dreaming.  I am also right-handed, heterosexual, lapsed C a t h o l i c , w o r k i n g  H o w e v e r , w h e r e a s I c o u l d s t o p b e i n g r i g h t - h a n d e d , t h e status o f " I n d i a n " s e e m s  i n d e l i b l y e t c h e d i n t h e c o n s c i o u s n e s s o f 'Others'.  H o w e v e r , pride in heritage a n d skillfully  m a n i p u l a t i n g a f e w p a r a l l e l r o w s o f b e a d s h e r e & t h e r e a r e n o t t h e s a m e as m e t h o d i c a l l y analysing the depths of the psychopolitco-militarysocioecolegisspirtu v i o l e n c e a n d other carnage strengthening t h e resistance of T h e People, my ancestors, t o e n a b l e t h e p r i d e of m y  survivance.  In t h e b a s e m e n t o f t h e M a i n a n d L a w l i b r a r i e s , w h e r e t h e " I n d i a n " b o o k s a r e , I c o m e t o t r u l y respect t h e m e a n i n g of 'survival'.  I a m , at t i m e s , g r a t e f u l t o b e h e r e , s u r p r i s e d t o b e h e r e ,  proud.  Wake-up  M y wakefulness H a m p t o n (1988),  Calls  is f e d b y d i s p a r a t e e v e n t s a n d c o n d i t i o n s : p o s t - m o d e r n i s m , E b e r  critical pedagogy, d e c o n s t r u c t i o n i s m , O n e i d a s c h o l a r Dr. Chrisjohn's h u m o u r  12 and  k n o w l e d g a b l e n e s s , s t r u c t u r a l i s m (and w h a t c o m e s after), neo- a n d p o s t - c o l o n i a l i s m , t h e First  N a t i o n s H o u s e o f L e a r n i n g , d i s c o u r s e t h e o r y , p o s t - C o l u m b u s c o n s c i o u s n e s s (for e x a m p l e , G e r a l d V i z e n o r , 1994), Dr. Kirkness, revisionist history, m y c o u s i n , " I n d i a n " c o u r s e s at t h e p o s t - s e c o n d a r y l e v e l hasn't h e l p e d  etcetera. Teaching t w osenior-level  m e sleep w e l l nights either. I h a d n o  i d e a that the p r i c e o f a d m i s s i o n to this post-secondary institution w a s t o b e a persistent c a s e o f F o u r R e a l m (that is, f e e l i n g s , a c t i o n s , t h o u g h t s , s p i r i t u s ) i n s o m n i a .  Ignorance is Bliss(ful)?  Not  Really.  Not  really. N o .  No. N o i g n o r a n c e is o n l y  ignorance.  what we can't face looks for us anyway ( T r u d e l l , 1 9 9 4 , n.p.)  But what happens when I think-feel too much?  W h e n I b e g i n t o t h i n k - f e e l , 'Gee,  m a y b e , C a l l i o u y o u a r e a P r i s o n e r o f W a r ' (see, f o r  e x a m p l e , B l a c k Elk, 1 9 9 0 i n T r u d e l l , 1994,  n.p.) a n d t h a t m a k e s s e n s e . W h e n I c o n s i d e r t h a t  Jesus! G o d ! In! H e a v e n ! , there's a n a l l o u t " s h a m e f u l , s e c r e t w a r " p e o p l e s (see C h a r l e s t o n , 1 9 9 4 ,  between Native and non-Native  p. 15), a n d that m a k e s s e n s e t o o .  W h e n I study-think-sift-feel serious, a c a d e m i c print-text a b o u t m y s e l f  and m y presumed  l e a r n i n g s t y l e (see, f o r e x a m p l e , W a l k e r , D o d d & B o g e l o w , 1 9 8 9 ) , m y r i g h t - h e m i s p h e r i c  13 b r a i n - m i n d a c t i v i t y (see, f o r e x a m p l e , Ross, 1 9 8 2 ) ,  m y l i n g u i s t i c i n t e g r i t y lost t o f o r e i g n l i n g u i s t i c  i m p e r i a l i s m (see, f o r e x a m p l e s , Battiste, 1 9 8 7 ; o r J o h n s t o n i n N e w , 1 9 9 1 ) ,  m y s c h o o l i n g as  i n t e r n a l c o l o n i a l i s m - not, a h , a c a d e m i c e x c e l l e n c e (see, f o r e x a m p l e s , A l t b a c h & K e l l y , 1 9 7 8 ; Perley, 1993), I h u r t & h u r t & h u r t s o m e more. W h e n I b e g i n t o d e c o n s t r u c t t h e (il)logic of (pre)(as)sumptions a b o u t myself, m y m o m a n d d a d , m y g r a n d f a t h e r s a n d g r a n d m o t h e r s , m y b r o t h e r s , m y sisters a n d m y c o u s i n s , o u r Land-Mother and B I C H O L Y M A N I F E S T I N G ,  I l a u g h at t h e a b s u r d i t y . T h e n I s t o p a b r u p t l y  b e c a u s e a l l o f t h e s e ( p r e ) ( a s ) s u m p t i o n s a r e a n i d e o l o g i c a l m a t e r i a l i t y a f f e c t i n g me. W h e n I b e g i n to locate other (il)logical subsets of textuality a b o u t T h e P e o p l e a n d m y dignity, m y resistance, m y intelligence, m y strength, m y t e c h n o l o g y , m y e p i s t e m o l o g y , m y v a l u e s , m y v e r y p r e s e n s e s i n c e t i m e i m m e m o r i a l , I h o o t & w h o o p b e c a u s e We/I s u r v i v e .  "Hey," I'd s a y a l o u d  w h i l e i n t e r p r e t i n g a stretch(y) (of) t e x t a b o u t us,  "That's me , my  mom, my dad, my brother, my PEOPLE, written and writhing about inside those polished, published words-statements-paragraphs-texts.  You better justify that with more  than a footnote or cross-reference citation to some 'research'."  And, eventually, I hear, I hear t h e sounds of rattles.  Rattles startle, awaken, heal, v a n q u i s h , c a l m , p r o t e c t , St sing w i t h d e e p m e m o r i e s .  I have deep memories which breathe-reside-in-me. In one dream, I am out on the prairies, running; a coolish, low-sun impact kinda day. loping purposefully.  I am  I am obviously on a discovery patrol. I am black.  I have a grey companion. I am somewhat anxious. I am coming to the crest of hills and I see an enclosed structure. I dislike the presense, the presense of permanence. So I run some more. I am a Black Wolf. I run to another crest.  I see another structure.  Another crest.  Another  structure. Another&another. I am running hard now. I am beginning to panic.  I sense the compassion of my companion running with me,  running without judgement to view-feel what I view-feel. find someplace they are not. wooden, square structure. are here everywhere.  I feel I must  I run to a final crest and look long at the  I agonise with the understanding that they  I turn my head and retreat.  can't get back to where I once belonged. sense-see them here — everywhere;  I comprehend that I  Now I am awake and I  their buildings, highways  and  shopping malls sunk into the blood, dust, bones and ashes of my people. Sunk deep.  I must learn to accept that they are here.  I must learn to  accept change. I must learn to accept change with compassion.  1  Statement of Interest: Whose?  I t h i n k - f e e l - k n o w n o w that s o m e of m y c o m m i t t e e m e m b e r s d e s i r e that I articulate s o m e o f t h e s o u n d s o f t h e s e b e a u t i f u l , s o o t h i n g , a l a r m i n g , s t a r t l i n g rattles I hear;  the meanings therein;  a n d t h e e f f e c t s o f s u c h m e a n i n g s o n m e as I p u r s u e a D o c t o r a t e o f P h i l o s o p h y i n a F a c u l t y o f E d u c a t i o n at a E u r o C a n a d i a n  university.  Frankly, their d o g g e d p r o d d i n g t o m a k e me  t h i s s e l f - r e ( f l e x ) ( e c t ) i v e , a u t o b i o g r a p h i c a l e x c u r s i o n e l u d e s me.  I no longer have  produce  my  e n t h u s i a s m ( s ) f o r p o s t - m o d e r n j u x t a p o s i t i o n a l a u t h o r i ( i t y ) ; w h e r e i n , as L a t h e r ( 1 9 9 1 ) - a n d o t h e r s - r e c o m m e n d t h a t " t o w r i t e ' p o s t m o d e r n ' is t o w r i t e p a r a d o x i c a l l y a w a r e o f one's c o m p l i c i t y i n that w h i c h move on  o n e c r i t i q u e s " i n o r d e r t o "at o n c e " i n s c r i b e a n d s u b v e r t (p. 10). into unpioneered  I feel c o m p e l l e d to  territory, t o deconstruct further the language c o n s t r u c t i o n related t o  the his/herstory of m y schooling. I a m u n c o n c e r n e d about c o m p l i c i t y a n d self-conscious subversion.  N o t yet, though.  I a m e n c o u r a g e d - i n s t r u c t e d t o w r i t e a b o u t t h i s j o u r n e y as a f e m a l e  g r a d u a t e s t u d e n t o f First N a t i o n s A n c e s t r y . W o u l d t h e s t u d y b e as p o p u l a r if i n s t r u c t e d t o w r i t e a b o u t t h i s j o u r n e y as a First N a t i o n s g r a d u a t e s t u d e n t o f a C a t h o l i c u p b r i n g i n g .  In fact, o n e c o m m i t t e e m e m b e r states that I a m n o t w r i t i n g a b o u t s c h o o l i n g o r e d u c a t i o n or even "Indian education."  ' T e r r i f i c , ' I m u t t e r s i l e n t l y t o m y s e l f , 'A l i t t l e late t o g e t i n t o a Ph.D.  c a n d i d a c y i n p o l i t i c a l s c i e n c e o r law'. I t a l k o f t e n t o m y s e l f u p here. A l t h o u g h I o n c e w r o t e , "I w a s t h e r e s e a r c h , " ( C a l l i o u , 1 9 9 4 , F e b r u a r y , p. 73), I a m n o t c o m f o r t a b l e w i t h m a k i n g that p u b l i c .  I w a n t t o a n d I don't w a n t t o e x p o s e t h e s e e v e n t s a n d  c o n d i t i o n s of v i o l e n c e a n d elation, depression a n d laughter, a n i m a t i o n a n d paralysis.  Id i d not  c o m e here w i t h a n y "foreshadowed problems"  my  (see, M a l i n o w s k i , 1 9 2 2 , p p . 8-9) a b o u t  i n s t i t u t i o n a l i s e d s c h o o l i n g v o y a g e o r a b o u t "Indians." I d i d not c o m e here t o b e a p e r f o r m a n c e  art c a s e s t u d y o f o n e w h o is " n o u v e a u s t a t u s e d ... i n t r a n s i t i o n f r o m o n e p o s i t i o n t o a n o t h e r w h e r e t h e t e n s i o n s o f n e w e x p e r i e n c e a r e v i v i d " (see, D e a n , E i c h o r n & D e a n , 1 9 6 7 , p. 2 8 5 re.: t y p o l o g y of informants).  I d i d not c o m e here to write about  E v e n if I a g r e e d , h o w w o u l d I d o t h i s ? hold and shelve  myself.  Suppose I put my freshly sprouted enthusiasm o n  my  examination  o f s e l e c t e d , p u b l i s h e d , p r i n t p a s s a g e s ( 1 6 x x - 1 9 9 4 ) [to e x p o s e ] m y  reactions t o t h e (re)presentations of a particular p h e n o m e n o n of s c h o o l i n g for a p o p u l a t i o n d i v e r s e l y i d e n t i f i e d as, f o r e x a m p l e s , S a v a g e s , A m e r i n d i a n ( C a l l i o u , 1995, et c e t e r a s ?  N o v e m b e r , p. 1, u n f i n i s h e d . )  S u p p o s e I get b a c k  rather than m o v e o n ? H o w w o u l d I d o this?  Research Needs Data  I h a v e n o t k e p t d e s c r i p t i v e o r i n t e r p r e t i v e f i e l d notes.  D o I flick on a tape recorder and  interrogate myself, using different 'voices' for interviewer a n d interviewee? m y s e l f t o (re)tell t h i s p i l g r i m a g e o f p o s t - s e c o n d a r y e d u c a t i o n ?  Why  d o n ' t I trust  W e l l , there are issues of  design  c r e d i b i l i t y a n d r e l i a b i l i t y (for e x a m p l e , t r i a n g u l a t i o n ; see, f o r e x a m p l e , M c M i l l a n & S c h u m a c h e r , 1989,  pp. 1 8 7 - 1 9 6 , re. c r e d i b i l i t y , i n t e r n a l a n d e x t e r n a l v a l i d i t y , etc.). O n e d o e s n o t d e s i r e , as  Dr. M . c a u t i o n e d  i n m y E D U C 5 0 8 (Introduction t o Educational Research M e t h o d s class) t o  " c r e a t e a n a r t i f i c i a l p i c t u r e o f a s i t u a t i o n " ( C a l l i o u , J o u r n a l Entry, 2 5 - 0 1 - 1 9 9 1 ) . my eyewitness testimony?  I am awfully opinionated.  c o u l d 'lie m y head o f f . W h a t a c u r i o u s c o l l o q u i a l i s m .  H o w c r e d i b l e is  I am prone to hyperbole.  O f course, I  T h e i m a g e c r e a t e d is d e l i c i o u s l y  absurd.  Just as o n e t e l l s o n e l i e t o o m a n y , d o e s one's h e a d j u s t p l o p o f f at t h e n e c k j u s t b e l o w t h e ears? I c o u l d b e all o f this.  H o w e v e r , ' t r a i n e d ' e t h n o g r a p h e r s a r e i n v i t e d b y s o m e (for e x a m p l e ,  D e a n & W h y t e , 1958) t o l o o k b e y o n d t h e truthfulness of the informant a n d o b s e r v e rather  17 w h a t the informant's statements reveal a b o u t his or her feelings a n d p e r c e p t i o n s , a n d w h a t inferences can be m a d e from these about the actual e n v i r o n m e n t e v e n t s he o r s h e has e x p e r i e n c e d ( c i t e d i n H a m m e r s l e y & A t k i n s o n , 1 9 9 1 ,  or p.  112).  O.K.,  O.K.,  so e v e n lies h a v e interpretive v a l u e .  S e l f - g i v e n e y e w i t n e s s t e s t i m o n y is n o t m y research.  But w h o  may  u n d e r s t a n d i n g of the usual basis of c r e d i b l e  I go to a n d ask for s u c h p e r s o n a l data?  U s u a l l y , the researcher ventures  a f i e l d ( u s u a l l y o f f - c a m p u s ) a n d c a r e f u l l y c o l l e c t s t e s t i m o n y (that is, data) f r o m e y e w i t n e s s e s (that is, i n f o r m a n t s ) t o t h e p o i n t of s a t u r a t i o n (that is, e n o u g h a l r e a d y ) ; a n d t h e n p e r f o r m s " s c i e n t i f i c " a n d " d i s c i p l i n e d " ( M c M i l l a n & S c h u m a c h e r , 1 9 8 9 , pp. 6-7).  The  something  researcher quests to  verify k n o w n i n f o r m a t i o n or to generate different data; perhaps, e v e n to verify, to falsify or to g e n e r a t e t h e o r y (Ibid., p. 7).  A d d i t i o n a l l y , i n t e r v i e w i n g m y s e l f , is n o t e x a c t l y a t y p i c a l e x a m p l e  of e t h n o g r a p h i c , m u l t i m e t h o d  c o r r o b o r a t i o n (See, M c M i l l a n & S c h u m a c h e r , 1 9 8 9 , pp. 3 9 7 ,  399).  A f t e r a l m o s t f i v e y e a r s o n - c a m p u s , I d i d n o t c o m e h e r e t o i n t e n t i o n a l l y s e l e c t m y s e l f - or, " I n d i a n s " - as "unit(s) o f a n a l y s i s " o f a " p h e n o m e n [ o n ] [ a ] w h i c h t h e r e s e a r c h e r s e l e c t s t o u n d e r s t a n d i n d e p t h r e g a r d l e s s of t h e n u m b e r o f sites, p a r t i c i p a n t s , o r d o c u m e n t s f o r a s t u d y " (Ibid., p. 180).  As w e l l , data c o l l e c t i o n (with precision) and theory generation are not usually  d e s c r i b e d as f u n - f i l l e d a c t i v i t i e s . T h i s is s e r i o u s a n d h a r d (read: s c h o l a r l y ) P u r i t a n W o r k E t h i c i s m , w h i c h W e a v e r ( i n Tokarcyzk &  Fay, 1 9 9 3 ) , h e r s e l f a " M e n n o n i t e H a r d W o r k e r , " d e s c r i b e s as m o r e a b o u t  "individual achievement"  t h a n " c o m m u n i t y b u i l d i n g " (p. 119).  As s o m e o n e with w o r k a h o l i c  t e n d e n c i e s , I t h o u g h t - f e l t I d i d n o t p e r c e i v e e n g a g e d ' s c h o l a r l y ' e n d e a v o u r as p l a y . Y e t , I c o n f e s s t h a t w r i t i n g is, f o r me,  m o s t l y g o o d f u n . Is it s e r i o u s i n v e s t i g a t i o n t o s i t i n m y  g r a n d i o s e , try b a c k c o r n e r of my text?  study (Ah, t o o  b e d r o o m ) , ( m i s ) ( d i s ) c o m p r e h e n d i n g signifiers of (en)(de)coded  I d i d n o t c o m e h e r e t o p l a y a n d h a v e f u n . T h a t is n o t s c h o l a r l y .  I c a m e here to, here to hear/not hear  here to...?  19  PART I: EMOTION IN COGNITION; COGNITION IN EMOTION  w h a t w e can't face looks f o r us a n y w a y ( T r u d e l l , 1 9 9 4 , n.p.)  rattle-RATTLE-rattle-RATTLE  Who Knows Where & When These Things Begin Really -  [ T h e r e s e a r c h setting:  A basement room.  S o u n d o f c h a i r s s c r a p i n g . W e l l , not e x a c t l y  s c r a p i n g b e c a u s e the f l o o r is carpeted w i t h the u g l i e s t , o r a n g e , s h a g r u g this s i d e o f Texas.  E a c h s h a g is about 1.5 inches l o n g . S o u n d o f q u e s t i o n s m u t t e r e d a l o u d . " L i k e ,  so h o w d o y o u w a n t u s to b e g i n ? " a n d " H o w d i d y o u f i n d m e ? " S o u n d o f p h o n e c o r d b e i n g y a n k e d out o f the w a l l .  S o u n d o f J o h n T r u d e l l s i n g i n g s o m e w h e r e i n the r o o m .  Sound o f digital clock numbers clacking.  S o u n d o f eager pens s n a p p i n g .  Sound o f  cigarette s m o k e rising.]  Interviewer:  T h i s is f r o m a p a p e r y o u w r o t e t h r o u g h o u t 1 9 9 4 - 9 5 w h e r e i n y o u w a n t e d t o  c l a r i f y t h a t c u r r i c u l u m itself m a y b e q u i t e b e n i g n , b u t I n t e n t i o n a l i t y  holds more clues about  o v e r t o u t c o m e s ( C a l l i o u , 1 9 9 4 - 9 5 , D e c e m b e r - F e b r u a r y ). Is t h i s a p l a c e t o b e g i n t h e i n t e r v i e w ? [ P a u s e w h i l e a w a i t i n g assent.  S l i g h t l y agitated movements w i t h spiral o f a c o i l notebook.]  I t h o u g h t this m i g h t b e a n a p p r o p r i a t e p l a c e to b e g i n the, ah,  our i n t e r v i e w .  Interviewee: H h h m m m , n e v e r c o n s i d e r e d t e x t a l o c a t i o n a l p l a c e b e f o r e , a h , I l i k e that. I've p r o b a b l y s p e n t m o r e t i m e i n b o o k s t h a n i n t h e b u s h .  Interviewer:  [ I n t e r v i e w e r clears throat.  Selects a n d reads a passage f r o m a n u n p u b l i s h e d p a p e r  w h i c h the i n t e r v i e w e e w r o t e i n 1994-95. S u b j e c t l o o k s r e s i g n e d l y o u t the w i n d o w , w h i c h faces East.] I t e n d , l a t e l y , t o b e g i n s t o r i e s at t h e s o u t h as I b e l i e v e m o s t s t o r i e s a n d  teaching  and learning have e m o t i o n a l content, currents and undertows brought through t h i s G r e a t W i n d o f i n t e r s p e c i e s c o n t a c t . T h e e m o t i o n a l r e a l m is s y m b o l i z e d t h r o u g h t h e e l e m e n t o f w a t e r . W i t h o u t w a t e r , t h e r e is n o l i f e . t h e r e is a l s o n o l i f e .  Without emotions,  Emotions, like water, can f l o w in rivulets or oceans.  E m o t i o n s d e n i e d b e c o m e f r o z e n , l i k e w a t e r s o l i d i f i e d , w h i c h is still i n m o t i o n at a s l o w e d molecular level.  F r o z e n w a t e r is still w a t e r .  Even frozen e m o t i o n s are  still e m o t i o n s .  T h e s e a s o n o f s u m m e r s u g g e s t s that o u r e m o t i o n a l r e a l m n e e d s t o b e n u r t u r e d a n d that o u r e m o t i o n s f e r t i l i z e a c t i o n , t h o u g h t a n d spiritus. A s y m b o l i c a s s o c i a t i o n w i t h a d o l e s c e n c e suggests that o v e r - i d e n t i f i c a t i o n w i t h intense f e e l i n g s c a n result in actions of turbulent impetuosity.  However, without our emotional  w o r l d , w e a r e lost f o r o n e c a n n o t c o g n a t e j o y n o r i n t e l l e c t u a l i z e tears t o f a l l at t h e death of a l o v e d one nor feel satisfaction in our actions.  O u r e m o t i o n s are a l w a y s  e v i d e n t , b u t I f i n d that m y e m o t i o n s a r e o f t e n b u r i e d i n a n i n t e l l e c t u a l l i f e . Y e t the  e m o t i o n s a r e t h e r e as s u b v e r t e d text, a m o t i v a t i o n t o a r t i c u l a t e a s t a t e m e n t  ( C a l l i o u , 1 9 9 4 - 9 5 , pp. 12-13).  [ I n t e r v i e w e r stops r e a d i n g , a n d then, c o n t i n u e s speaking.]  21 I thought-felt South, w i t h the Emotional  Realm, might b e a p l a c e to begin  i n t e r v i e w and then to p r o c e e d W e s t (Physical), North (Cognitive) and  the  East  (Spiritual).  [ I n t e r v i e w e r hesitates. W a i t s  for r e s p o n s e from the i n t e r v i e w e e about the d e l i n e a t i o n  of the Four D i r e c t i o n s of the i n t e r v i e w . N o n e f o r t h c o m i n g . M o r e 'thick' s i l e n c e , w h i c h is d i f f i c u l t to d e s c r i b e . I n t e r v i e w e r w o n d e r s if this w o u l d be a t i m e to w r i t e a f i e l d note, that is a w r i t t e n p e r s o n a l a c c o u n t ( u s u a l l y c o n s i d e r e d a p r i v a t e d o c u m e n t ) of the event f r o m the point-of-view of the e t h n o g r a p h e r w h o is i n t e r v i e w e r i n g (see, for e x a m p l e , P r a t t i n C l i f f o r d , 1990, pp. 47-70). I n t e r v i e w e r w o n d e r s h o w l o n g  one  s h o u l d d e c e n t l y w a i t f o r a response.]  Interviewee: N o t c e r t a i n , I'm c o m f o r t a b l e w i t h that. I c a u t i o n i n t h a t p i e c e t h a t t h i s l i n e a r i t y is d a n g e r o u s , b e c a u s e s t a r t i n g at t h e S o u t h e r n R e a l m m a y s e e m t o p r i v i l e g e e m o t i o n  and  a r t i f i c i a l i z e " f e e l i n g s as a p r e - c o g n i t i v e p h a s e i n a n a t t e m p t t o i s o l a t e t h e a f f e c t i v e f r o m t h e c o g n i t i v e r e a l m " ( C a l l i o u , 1 9 9 4 - 9 5 , p. 23). T h e r e is a l s o a, er, or, t h e t e n d e n c y t o b e g i n a l i n e a r  r e c i t a t i o n : "Here a n e m o t i o n , there a t h o u g h t , a n d over there a s e n s a t i o n " [Interviewee's emphasis]. T h e r e is, I b e l i e v e , e m o t i o n i n c o g n i t i o n ; c o g n i t i o n i n s p i r i t u s ; a c t i o n i n e m o t i o n ; s p i r i t u s in a c t i o n , s e n s a t i o n i n a c t i o n et c e t e r a . A n d , t h e s e f o u r k e y t e r m s - e m o t i o n a l , p h y s i c a l , c o g n i t i v e , s p i r i t u a l - a r e u m b r e l l a t e r m s f o r subsets; f o r e x a m p l e , i n t u i t i o n i n s i d e o f c o g n i t i o n . I d o not r e c o g n i z e w h e r e I inherited, c o n s t r u c t e d , d i s c o v e r e d or o t h e r w i s e a c q u i r e d this belief. [ I n t e r v i e w e e c o n t i n u e s s p e a k i n g , r e c i t i n g f r o m the u n p u b l i s h e d p a p e r u n d e r discussion.]  22 T h e s e realms are c o n n e c t e d , in s i m u l t a n e o u s o p e r a t i o n , a n d thus, s u c h particularization contradicts m y understanding of the non-linear sense of the M e d i c i n e W h e e l teachings. Therefore, this four-part c o n s t r u c t i o n I h a v e b e g u n t o use for papers b e c o m e s , perhaps, a d a n g e r o u s s e q u e n t i a l r e d u c t i o n i s m w h e r e : 'First, w e l o o k at t h e e m o t i o n a l , t h e n w e l o o k at t h e p h y s i c a l , etc.'. F o r c o n v e n i e n c e , h o w e v e r , I u s e t h i s step-by-step p r o c e s s b e c a u s e I u n d e r s t a n d t h e u n d e r l y i n g w h o l i s t i c r e l a t i o n a l i t y as f o u n d a t i o n ( C a l l i o u , 1 9 9 4 - 9 5 , p. 2 3 ) .  [ I n t e r v i e w e e stops r e a d i n g . P a u s e o n tape a g a i n . P a r t i c i p a n t c o n t i n u e s speaking.]  If we  g o S o u t h , t h e n w e m u s t p i o n e e r W e s t a n d s o o n . I w a n t it u n d e r s t o o d  t h a t I, e r ,  t h a t I b e a w a r e t h a t t h i s is a n o r g a n i s a t i o n a l d e v i c e . I don't d e s i r e t h a t t h i s u s e o f d i r e c t i o n s b e i m m o r t a l i z e d l i k e N o v a k a n d G o w a n ' s V e e ( 1 9 8 4 , pp. 55-75). not 'mine' a n d I w a s not raised i n this tradition.  I've a d o p t e d  r e ( t u r n ) ( p l a c e ) s o m e integ(rity)(ration) i n t o m y s e l f , w h i c h  B e s i d e s , t h e M e d i c i n e W h e e l is t h e M e d i c i n e W h e e l as a m e a n s t o  b e c a m e v e r y d i s c o n n e c t e d at t h i s  university, l o c a t e d o n t h e traditional territory of the M u s q u e a m . T h e directions are like natural terms, a k i n d of c o d i n g perhaps? Integration, integrity, integrate are stimulating words.  T h e r o o t is L a t i n , i n t e g e r ; that i s ,  i n , e q u a l t o " b e f o r e " a n d t a n g e r e , m e a n i n g " t o u c h " (see H a w k i n s & A l l e n , 1 9 9 1 , p p . 7 3 7 , 4 7 6 ) . T h e r e suggests t o me that w i t h i n this d e f i n i t i o n related t o w h o l e n e s s , t o a c o m p l e t e n e s s , that entirety exists preexistent t o touch.  Perhaps, w h e n w e begin t o touch, w e b e g i n t o d i s c e r n a n d  f e e l i n d i v i d u ( a l ) ( a t e d ) parts. A w a r e n e s s o f s e p a r a t e p i e c e s e m e r g e s .  How  to reconnect? I find  that w h e n I b e g i n t o speak-write of this heuristic, then I get agitated b e c a u s e I b e g i n t h e d i s m a n t l i n g a n d I w o r r y a b o u t that.  23 [ I n t e r v i e w e e l o o k s u p a n d v i e w s the i n t e r v i e w e r f u r i o u s l y s c r i b b l i n g notes.  Smiling,  the i n t e r v i e w e e c o n t i n u e s speaking.] So, M e d i c i n e W h e e l t h i n k i n g - f e e l i n g - s e n s i n g - s p i r i t i n g r e m i n d s m e t o a d d r e s s m o r e t h a n t h e c o g n i t i v e r e a l m o f r e s e a r c h I d o , that, a h , w i t h i n t h e W h e e l , e m o t i o n a l (or, a f f e c t i v e ) , p h y s i c a l , c o g n i t i v e (or, m e n t a l , i n t e l l e c t u a l ) a n d s p i r i t u a l r e a l m s a r e a l l o f o n e p i e c e , w h i c h c a n b e s y m b o l i s e d as o n e c i r c l e . three-dimensional  A n d , a c i r c l e is, itself, a n a b s t r a c t i o n . A c i r c l e is n o t a  c u r v e s o d r a w n that a l l ' p o i n t s ' (not s o l i d ) a r e e q u i d i s t a n t f r o m a c e n t e r . In  t h i s c o n s t r u c t , w h i c h r e p r e s e n t s e g a l i t a r i a n i s m , n o p o i n t is p r i v i l e g e d . S o , if w e b e g i n h e r e , I g e t agitated; b e c a u s e I w a n t t o avert t h e t r a d i n g of a linear sequential f o r m a t for a c i r c u l a r s e q u e n t i a l organisation.  I t h i n k - f e e l - b e l i e v e - w o r r y that c i r c u l a r i t y b e c o m e s a c o n s t r i c t i o n w h i c h m a y force  t o o literal a linearity.  T h u s , I b e l i e v e that I a m v i e w i n g , er, a n d , a l s o c o m p r e h e n d i n g a  multi-dimensionally interconnected  tension of events c o n n e c t e d w i t h the energies of  r e l a t ( i o n a l i t y ) ( t i o n s h i p s ) i n a c o n t i n u u m o f past-present-future.  O r , at, least, I t r y t o s e e that.  [Pause.] So easy t o speak so idealistically. M e d i c i n e W h e e l as s o m e e x p e r i m e n t a l  I c o n s t a n t l y r e m i n d m y s e l f t h a t I can't a b u s e t h e  m e t h o d o l o g y ; t h e M e d i c i n e W h e e l is S a c r e d , g i v e n t o t h e  two-leggeds b y the C r e a t o r / T H E B I G H O L Y M A N I F E S T I N C .  I h a v e t o r e v e r e n c e that,  l e a r n - r e m e m b e r h o w t o r e v e r e n c e this sacredness.  Interviewer: [ U n e x p e c t e d l y f i n d i n g a m o m e n t f o r a question.] A h , so, is t h i s s o m e f o r m o f c u l t u r a l ( r e ) a p p r o p r i a t i o n ?  T h a t is, a d o p t i n g  as y o u r s  s o m e t h i n g w h i c h is not?  Interviewee:  I h a v e ( r e ) c o n s i d e r e d that. W e n d y R o s e ( 1 9 9 2 ) w r i t e s s o m e h a r d h i t t i n g ,  h o n e s t w o r d s i n a c h a p t e r "The G r e a t Pretenders, Further R e f l e c t i o n s o n W h i t e s h a m a n i s m . " S h e o p e n s w i t h this q u o t a t i o n f r o m M a r g o T h u n d e r b i r d (1988):  24 T h e y c a m e f o r o u r l a n d , f o r w h a t g r e w o r c o u l d b e g r o w n o n it, f o r t h e r e s o u r c e s i n it, a n d f o r o u r c l e a n a i r a n d p u r e w a t e r . T h e y s t o l e t h e s e t h i n g s f r o m us, a n d i n t h e t a k i n g t h e y a l s o s t o l e o u r f r e e w a y s a n d t h e best o f o u r l e a d e r s , k i l l e d i n b a t t l e or assassinated.  A n d n o w , after a l l that, t h e y ' v e c o m e f o r t h e v e r y last o f o u r  possessions; n o w they want our pride, our history, our spiritual traditions.  They  w a n t to rewrite a n d r e m a k e these things, to c l a i m t h e m for themselves. T h e lies and  thefts just n e v e r e n d (Thunderbird  On  w h a t / w h o s e author(ity) d o I a d o p t this heuristic a p p r o a c h t o c o n s i d e r t h e  integr(ity)(ation) of observations  c i t e d i n R o s e , 1 9 9 2 , p. 4 0 3 ) .  or findings or understandings?  My  l i m i t e d (Pepper & Henry, 1986; Sunbear, W i n d & M u l l i g a n , 1991).  book teachings are extremely I also had a  conversation  w i t h F l o y P e p p e r ( 1 9 9 3 ) , a n d , later w i t h C y E a g l e h e a r t , at a M e d i c i n e W h e e l g a t h e r i n g i n A u g u s t of 1994. S i n c e t h e n I h a v e a t t e n d e d t w o other M e d i c i n e W h e e l gatherings. different.  Each W h e e l  was  I c o n t i n u e to listen-watch hard and learn; more, like meditate-absorb.  I d o not adopt with disrespect.  I d o not adopt for gain.  sense of e x p l o i t a t i o n , particularly, for financial gain.  In a p p r o p r i a t i o n , t h e r e is t h e  Y o u can't e a t m o n e y t h o u g h .  [ L a u g h t e r o n tape. Pause.] T h e i n t e g r a t i v e p o t e n t i a l o f t h e M e d i c i n e W h e e l m a k e s s e n s e t o me. M e d i c i n e W h e e l because I am  n o t o f that c u l t u r e a s s u m e s a c e r t a i n e s s e n t i a l i s m t h a t o n l y t h o s e  b o r n t o a n i d e o l o g y m a y b e o f that p e r s u a s i o n . Catholics.  Not to adopt the  T h e r e f o r e , o n l y b o r n C a t h o l i c s c a n be(gat)  A l s o a s s u m e d is that o n e is i n stasis, f r o z e n i n s i d e w h a t o n e is b o r n t o i n t h i s l i f e .  T h i s is b e c o m i n g a p o o r ' r a t i o n a l i s a t i o n ' t o o c l o s e t o f a b r i c a t i o n t o g i v e a n i n t e r v i e w e r a satisfactory answer. I a l w a y s i d e n t i f y m y s e l f as n o t a M e d i c i n e W h e e l 'expert'. w o u l d n o t g o o u t a n d set u p a M e d i c i n e W h e e l .  Until I am  told I am  trained, I  I d o use the most basic of the teachings of  integration a n d the need to pay attention to the Four Directions-Realms  to organize  my  25 feeling-doing-thinking-spirtusing.  Is t h i s c u l t u r a l a p p r o p r i a t i o n ?  I h a v e c o m e t o b e l i e v e that T h e  M e d i c i n e W h e e l is p o w e r f u l e n o u g h t o p r o t e c t itself f r o m m y c o n s c i o u s l y d e l i b e r a t e o r c a r e l e s s l y unconscious (mis)appropriation.  Adoption  of Constructs.  Whose?  Interviewee: [Nods.  S h r u g s . R o l l s a cigarette.]  I r o n i c a l l y , e a r l i e r i n m y r e s e a r c h c a r e e r , I n e v e r felt that I h a d t r e s p a s s e d i n t o c u l t u r a l appropriation w h e n I adopted or appropriated the well-argued thoughts of other philosophers, theorists, social critics, whatever.  For example, A n t o n i o Gramsci's (1891-1937) explanatory  c o n c e p t is k n o w n a s h e g e m o n y , w h e r e i n c l a s s e s a r e p e r s u a d e d t o a c c e p t - s e l f - a d o p t - s u p p o r t t h e s y s t e m o f b e l i e f s ( m o r a l , c u l t u r a l , s o c i a l , etc.) h e l d b y t h o s e i n p o w e r (see, f o r e x a m p l e , G r a m s c i , trans, b y H o a r e & N o w e l l - S m i t h ,  1 9 9 5 , pp. 12-13).  q u e s t i o n m y attribution of this u n d e r s t a n d i n g  Later i n m y t e a c h i n g c a r e e r h e r e , I d o  "of t h e ' s p o n t a n e o u s ' c o n s e n t g i v e n b y t h e g r e a t  masses of t h e p o p u l a t i o n t o t h e general d i r e c t i o n i m p o s e d o n social life b y t h e d o m i n a n t f u n d a m e n t a l g r o u p " t o G r a m s c i (trans, b y H o a r e & N o w e l l - S m i t h ,  1 9 9 5 , p. 12).  H e is t h e  p u b l i s h e d author(ity), but I feel I a m participating in the (re)marginalisation of i n d i g e n o u s  thought  b y c i t i n g t h i s a u t h o ( i t y ) o v e r a n i n d i g e n o u s a u t h o r ( i t y ) e v e n if t h e y don't u s e t h e s a m e four-syllable word.  That's j u s t o n e m o m e n t o f t h e e x i s t e n t i a l n a u s e a I e x p e r i e n c e ; t h e s e n s e t h a t  b e - i n g - n e s s is l i m i t e d w i t h p r e v a l e n t f o r m s o f t h o u g h t , w h i c h h e r e a r e b o r n o f t h e ' M a s t e r & M i s t r e s s ' h o u s e , er, l a b o r a t o r y .  Interviewer:  S o y o u u s e G r a m s c i ( 1 9 9 5 ) c a u t i o u s l y , b u t don't c o n s i d e r t h a t S a c r e d ?  Interviewee:  I n i t i a l l y , I d i d n ' t t h i n k o f h i s w o r d s as S a c r e d .  Y e t I d o respect his  t h i n k i n g - f e e l i n g t o l o o k , t o w a k e up, t o s a y t o o t h e r s , " W a k e U p a n d Look!"  S o n o w I use his  26 w o r d s b y s a y i n g his n a m e .  H e g e m o n y , f o r n o w , f u n c t i o n s as a s i g n I g i v e m e a n i n g t o w h e n I  n e e d t o represent actions-thoughts-feelings have power.  w h i c h maintain an irreverent imbalance.  A l l words  I f e e l t h e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y o f t r y i n g t o c o m m u n i c a t e his i n s i g h t f u l n e s s r e s p e c t f u l l y a n d  responsibly to undergraduates.  In a w a y , I've c o m e t o s e e t h e s e o r a l a n d p r i n t b i b l i o g r a p h i c  c i t a t i o n s as a n a c t o f r e s p e c t f o r e x e m p l a r y t h i n k i n g .  However, the (re)enactment of citation to  o n l y o n e a u t h o r ( i t y ) c r e a t e s a m o n o c u l t u r a l t e x t u a l i t y . T h i s m o n o l i t h i s m is w h a t c o n c e r n s me, u n n e r v e s me.  [Pause on tape. Interviewer checks equipment. Mutters aloud, "Look's like everything's taping." Shuffles through sheets of paper while trying to reassemble an interior understanding of the sequence of the interview.]  Interview  Layout  Interviewer:  Y e s , w e l l , a p p r o p r i a t i o n , that w a s i n t e r e s t i n g .  b e g i n n i n g of this interview. and  1)  A h , t o return t o t h e  I l o c a t e d t h e four areas of 'existential nausea' y o u m e n t i o n e d earlier  t h e s e a p p e a r t o 'fit i n t o ' t h e F o u r D i r e c t i o n s / R e a l m s o f t h e M e d i c i n e W h e e l .  Part I: A n e m o t i o n a l  For example:  Co(gni)(ondi)tioning  (SOUTH - EMOTIONAL), 2)  Part II: T h e s o c i o s p p i r i t u e m o e c o p o l i t i c o c u l t u r a l ' W h i t e ' N o i s e o f R e s e a r c h i n g (WEST - PHYSICAL),  3)  Part III: C a n o n i c i t y :  Euroheritageizationing  ( N O R T H - COGNITIVE), and 4)  Part IV: A c c u l t u r a t i v e S e c u l a r i z i n g  (EAST - SPIRITUAL)  27 O f c o u r s e , I u n d e r s t a n d that y o u  m e n t i o n that f o u r is a s i g n i f i c a n t n u m b e r , but not the  [ I n t e r v i e w e r ' s emphasis.] n u m b e r .  For e x a m p l e , H a m p t o n ( 1 9 8 8 ) u s e s S i x d i r e c t i o n s t o c o n s t r u c t  a foundational m o d e l for education for P F N A .  In r e v i e w i n g h i s i n t e r v i e w d a t a , t h e t e x t u a l  ( i n t e r ) c o n n e c t i o n s l e d t o h i s s e a r c h f o r a n o n - E u r o 'model', " m e t a p h o r o r a p a t t e r n " t o i l l u s t r a t e the subsets of relations. Sky  Father and  Ancestors  Earth M o t h e r .  ( H a m p t o n , 1988,  Interviewee: [Laughter.]  H e includes two  additional directions - above and  b e l o w - to  represent  S o m e others i n c l u d e a S e v e n t h d i r e c t i o n , this b e i n g for the pp.  Y e s , Four.  15-16). Don't y o u  I w o n d e r h o w that h a p p e n e d ?  t h i n k - f e e l y o u r s e g m e n t s fit a l m o s t t o o [ M o r e chortles.] T h e  neatly?  p a r a l l e l i s m is a l r e a d y a s k e w  [ E v e n m o r e c h u c k l e s ] b e c a u s e I d o n o t a r r i v e h e r e at t h i s c a m p u s i n t h e s u m m e r , a s s o c i a t e d w i t h the south. naive)  But in s o m e w a y s the story d o e s b e g i n w i t h m e b e i n g s o m e w h a t of an  emotional(ly  adolescent. Now  is t h a t fair?  I'm n o t e x a c t l y une tabula adolescent  rasa w h e n I a r r i v e o n t h i s  l u x u r i o u s l y f o r e s t e d c a m p u s , w i t h f l o r a i n f u l l - f o r c e b l o o m at t h e m o s t u n l i k e l y t i m e s o f t h e y e a r . I'm f r o m A l b e r t a w h e r e w e d o not p l a n t g a r d e n s u n t i l after Q u e e n V i c t o r i a ' s b i r t h d a y .  Even  that's a l i t t l e r i s k - t a k i n g b e c a u s e it c a n s n o w i n J u l y . I h a v e s o m e r a t h e r s t r o n g o p i n i o n s , emotions and  b e l i e f s w h e n I a r r i v e h e r e t o s t u d y w i t h Dr. A.  I a m not u n a w a r e , for e x a m p l e s , of f e m i n i s m or the c i v i l rights m o v e m e n t or ethnocultural oppression  or  or genocide.  W h a t I a m , m a y b e , m o r e n a i v e a b o u t is t h e w h o l e  p r i v i l e g i n g o f r a t i o n a l i t y ('the m i n d ' , p u r p o r t e d l y l o c a t e d i n t h e ' b r a i n ' o r 'head a r e a ' somewhere).  So, I a m n a i v e , b u t c e r t a i n l y n o t i n e x p e r i e n c e d .  Interviewer:  Anyway, what were you  asking?  S h o u l d w e run t h r o u g h the d i r e c t i o n a l a s s o c i a t i o n s n o w ?  Interviewee: N o . Let's p o s i t i o n t h e m w i t h e a c h f o c u s a r e a o f d i s c u s s i o n d i r e c t i o n a l p o w e r s are e n c o u n t e r e d .  Interviewer: O.K.  as t h e s e  28 [Interviewer shuffles through papers, l o o k i n g for appropriate question.  Interviewee  sits q u i e t l y w a i t i n g . ]  Snowstorms Stories  Interviewer:  Y o u ' v e b e e n h e r e s i n c e J a n u a r y o f 1991  a b o u t t h e start o f t h i s g r a d u a t e s t u d e n t c a r e e r ?  now?  What d o you  Ah, maybe, w e should  remember  start w i t h y o u r a r r i v a l .  [Coaxing] W o u l d that b e s o m e p l a c e t o b e g i n ?  Interviewee:  U s u a l l y , w h e n I lead a (read)(decod)er  [Light Aside:  h i g h l y m a n i p u l a t i v e i n d i c a t i o n that t h i s r e s e a r c h quest b e g i n s w h e r e I  south, I b e g i n w i t h a story.  direct.]. T h e s e a r e s o m e t i m e s h u m o r o u s or s o r r o w f u l o r s a d o r e l a t e d or a m u s e d . T h r o u g h  the  s t o r y t e l l i n g I d e s i r e to (re)establish s o m e sense of and/or r e s p o n s e f r o m the a f f e c t i v e d o m a i n . Such introductions might be considered  manipulative  h o o k s ; h o w e v e r , f o r m e , t h e s t o r i e s are  a t t e m p t e d p r o m p t s to c o m m u n i c a t e s o m e of m y intuited subtext of a t o p i c . A s I e x p l o r e s o m e o f t h o s e h u m a n i n t a n g i b l e s o r i n e f f a b l e s that i l l u s t r a t e that t h e r e is e m o t i o n i n c o g n i t i o n ; t h a t emotion and findings.  c o g n i t i o n are not d i v o r c e d , I a m b e w i l d e r e d  And,  t h e s e f e e l i n g s - if not n u m b e d - o u t b y c o g n i t i v e - b a s e d  t h e a c t i v e part o f ( a p ) ( c o m ) p r e h e n s i o n .  justice  as t o h o w t o c o m m u n i c a t e s u c h p r i m a c y - a r e a l s o part o f  I b e l i e v e that part o f r e ( c o g n i z ) ( c o u p ) i n g j u s t i c e is feeling  [Interviewee's emphasis], w i t h e m o t i o n a l and  p h y s i c a l c e r t a i n t y . For e x a m p l e , I t h i n k  j u s t i c e c a n a l s o b e e x p e r i e n c e d k i n e s t h e t i c a l l y . T h e r e is a F o u r R e a l m ' G o o d ' F e e l i n g i n s i d e a n d a r o u n d us.  29 And  s t o r i e s assist a n d a c c o m p a n y t h e m e n t a l g y m n a s t i c s .  T h e M e d i c i n e W h e e l reverses a  t r a d i t i o n a l (O.K., p a t r i a r c h a l , p e r h a p s ) d e r o g a t i o n of e m o t i o n a l ( t e a c h ) ( l e a r n ) i n g s a s s u s p e c t , n o t s e r i o u s o r c o n c o c t e d b y a s i l l y heart. So, let's start w i t h a story.  H h h m m m , am I becoming too predictable?  VIA  Snowstorms  In J a n u a r y o f 1 9 9 1 , I a r r i v e i n a f r e a k i s h s n o w s t o r m s i l e n c i n g t h e c o s m o p o l i t a n n o i s e o f a city I consider a second  home.  I l o v e the ocean.  N o r m a l l y , t h e t r a i n r i d e is a b o u t 1 8 h o u r s ;  h o w e v e r , the s n o w f a l l e l o n g a t e d the trip to a p p r o x i m a t e l y 5 7 hours. w i t h irony.  A s u s u a l , m y l i f e is t i n g e d  I h a d i m a g i n e d m y s e l f t a k i n g m y first l o n g - d i s t a n c e t r a i n t r i p w i t h a g o o d l y a m o u n t  of d i g n i t y a n d d e c o r u m (that is, l e i s u r e l y m e a l s s e r v e d i n s t y l e , c i g a r e t t e s i n t h e s m o k i n g l o u n g e , t h e p e n n i n g o f ' s c h o l a r l y ' , d e s c r i p t i v e a n d p o t e n t i a l l y p u b l i s h a b l e letters a b o u t t h e l a n d s c a p e , etc.).  'Canadian'  I n s t e a d , t h e t r a i n t r e k b e c a m e a n i g h t m a r i s h o v e r t u r n i n g o f e x p e c t a t i o n s , as I  i l l u s t r a t e i n t h i s letter I w r o t e 07-01-91.  Dearest M --: We are at a standstill again! Sided with another split rail. This romance with trains may he short-lived. The train departed 4.5 hrs. late from Edmonton. We did not arrive in Jasper [Alberta] until 9:00 P.M. - which is normally a 5.5 hr. car ride on wintery highways. Then we sat in Jasper for ages. The train was only @ Blue River when I awoke this morning, not even to Kamloops [British Columbia] which we did not get to until 1030 this AM. There has been a grease fire in the kitchen and numerous 'situations'. The train is now low on water and unable to get  30  water at Boston Bar because the lines were frozen. This train is now  9.5  hrs. off schedule. Every minute regained seems to get lost again & again. Meals have been complementary today. Shee! I spent my first day,  my  first official day, as a graduate student on VIA Rail. I am beginning to wonder if I will get to talk with you ever...again...or wonder when I will begin graduate studies. I am just now beginning to weary of the whole nonsense. . . . Dinner is now delayed due to water shortage & they are rationing coffee. They are talking about bringing up the buses as the train is running out of H 0 2  and steam is an essential component of the energy  system here. Winds have been gusting up to 70 MPH  ( C a l l i o u to  Alexander,  p e r s o n a l c o m m u n i c a t i o n , J a n u a r y 7, 1 9 9 1 , p. 1). [Note to researcher/interviewer:  "Personal c o m m u n i c a t i o n s may  b e letters, m e m o s ,  t e l e p h o n e c o n v e r s a t i o n s and the like. B e c a u s e t h e y d o not p r o v i d e r e c o v e r a b l e data, personal  c o m m u n i c a t i o n s a r e not  included  c o m m u n i c a t i o n s in the text o n l y ( A m e r i c a n  in the  reference  list.  Cite  personal  Psychological A s s o c i a t i o n , 1991,  p.  110).].  [Interviewee continues  speaking.]  In r e t r o s p e c t , t h e d i s p a r i t y b e t w e e n t h e e x p e c t a t i o n s a n d mirrors the e n s u i n g disjuncture b e t w e e n my Fits.  I'm v e r y n e a r s i g h t e d .  M a y b e , my  e x p e r i e n c e of the train trek  a n t i c i p a t i o n of g r a d u a t e s c h o o l a n d t h e realit(y)(ies).  n e a r s i g h t e d n e s s sets m e  u p w i t h e x p e c t a t i o n s w h i c h get  q u i c k l y o v e r t u r n e d w h e n I a c t u a l l y e n c o u n t e r w h a t I o n l y see i n a b l u r i n t h e d i s t a n c e .  Expectations Overturned  31 The  V e r y Idea o f B e i n g A R e s e a r c h e r  Interviewer: O h , o v e r t u r n e d ? H o w so?  Interviewee:  W e l l , I don't t h i n k - f e e l I c a m e h e r e t o b e a r e s e a r c h e r .  t r u t h f u l , I h a d n o e x p e c t a t i o n w h a t s o e v e r o f c o m i n g h e r e t o do  researcher  research  Actually, to be very  a n d t o become a  [Interviewee's emphasis]; o r t o initiate a " c o n t i n u i n g fascination w i t h t h e research  p r o c e s s i t s e l f " ( C a l l i o u , 1 9 9 4 , F e b r u a r y , p. 72).  A t that t i m e , r e s e a r c h is f o r m e t h e r e a l m o f  s t e r e o t y p i c a l w h i t e lab coats, mice-for-hire, t h e reek of f o r m a l d e h y d e , t h e c l i c k o f p e n s a n d t h e s n a p o f c l i p b o a r d s . I a m h e r e b e c a u s e , as I state i n a letter, that  I w a n t t o e x p l o r e ideas a n d thoughts t o take 'Awareness' w i t h m e t o m y next life f o r as y o u k n o w I b e l i e v e t h a t o n l y m y p h y s i c a l b o d y w i l l s o m e d a y d i e a n d t h a t t h e ' s p i r i t u s ' o f S h a r i l y n is o n q u i t e a l e n g t h y , e x t e n d e d j o u r n e y ( C a l l i o u t o A l e x a n d e r , p e r s o n a l c o m m u n i c a t i o n , F e b r u a r y 2 5 , 1 9 9 1 , p. II).  A n y w a y , I'm s o r r y ; I t h i n k I a m w a n d e r i n g  from your question.  Smoke?  [ I n t e r v i e w e e j a b s a n o p e n p a c k a g e at the i n t e r v i e w e r . ] W e l l , t h e n , d o y o u m i n d if I s m o k e ? [ I n t e r v i e w e e doesn't w a i t f o r a r e s p o n s e f r o m the I n t e r v i e w e r . S h e l i g h t s u p a n y w a y . ] I c a m e t o s t u d y w i t h D r . A. ( f o r m e r l y , D r . W.), m u c h e x p e r i e n c e d education practice.  in community  I c a m e w i t h , I think, a rather e l e g a n t l y s i m p l e q u e s t i o n .  r e s e a r c h q u e s t i o n w a s : ' W h e n is a f i e l d t r i p  just  M y primary  a f i e l d trip?; a n d w h e n d o e s it e x h i b i t i n t e n t i o n s  o f c u r r i c u l u m f o r c o m m u n i t y m a k i n g ?" [ I n t e r v i e w e e ' s e m p h a s i s ] ( C a l l i o u , 1 9 9 2 , J u n e , p. 14). I w o n ' t b o r e y o u w i t h t h e d e t a i l s o f that p a r t i c u l a r t h e o r e t i c a l  s t u d y (see C a l l i o u , 1 9 9 2 , J u l y , f o r a  32 r a t h e r o v e r q u a l i f i e d a n s w e r t o that q u e s t i o n . ) . I b e l i e v e I t h o u g h t - f e l t I w o u l d s t o p h e r e a b i t , d o s o m e t h i n k i n g , a n s w e r m y question and g o back into a classroom The studies.  s o m e w h e r e in the universe.  i d e a o f e v e n b e i n g a r e s e a r c h e r is i n t r o d u c e d t o m e o n t h e first d a y o f m y M a g i s t r a l  I w r i t e i n a letter:  I enclose a photocopy of Day 1's [i.e. UBC:  Faculty of Education:  EDUC508] handout in research. I feel like a peasant because I don't know any of this. The Director of this program came in and stressed the need that all UBC gradfsj in the Faculty of Education be exemplary researchers. The recommendation is that the Grad complete another course in a specialized area of research once the teacher-researcher has chosen the design methodology s/he will choose to do thesis work. . . . As the 3 hour lecture progressed I felt overwhelmed. . . . Much of the discussion seemed to me to be a rehash of the classical scientific method (Calliou to Alexander, personal communication, January 12, 1991, pp. 1,2,3).  Although  I d o not understand  " e x e m p l a r y researcher."  e x a c t l y w h a t is e n t a i l e d , I l i k e d t h e s o u n d o f that p h r a s e :  I a m u n c e r t a i n a b o u t m y o r i g i n o f a b e l i e f t h a t u n i v e r s i t y is a p l a c e  w h e r e i n d i v i d u a l s j u s t 'thought' d e e p 'thoughts' a b o u t t h e i r b e l i e f s , m i n d p u z z l e s a n d F o r m e , U n i v e r s i t y is t h i s r a t h e r p r i v a t e p l a c e t o retreat t o m a k e s e n s e ; n o t researched findings constructed from f o r m u l a i c investigation designs. [ L a u g h t e r o n tape.  or  a public forum of  Boy w a s I wrong!  W e l l m o r e l i k e g u f f a w s , except g u a f f a w s m a k e s i n t e r v i e w e e s o u n d t o o raucous.]  I g u e s s , p r e v i o u s l y , I hadn't r e a l l y c o n s i d e r e d who  for whom],  questions.  how,  or  where  or  when  makes [Interviewee's e m p h a t i c a s i d e : ah-hem,  k n o w l e d g e is m a d e ; a n d t h e i m p l i c a t i o n s a n d / o r  33 c o n s e q u e n c e s o f k n o w l e d g e p r o d u c t i o n as t h e l e g i t i m a t i o n o f p r i v i l e g e d n a r r a t o l o g y (see, f o r e x a m p l e , L y o t a r d , 1 9 9 3 a , pp. 31-37). N o w b e c a u s e I've b e e n i n t r o d u c e d t o L y o t a r d ' s ( 1 9 9 3 a ) t h o u g h t I can't r e m e m b e r h o w I t h o u g h t - b e l i e v e d t h e w o r l d w a s w o r k i n g .  H e o b s e r v e s that i n  p o s t i n d u s t r i a l s o c i e t y a n d p o s t - m o d e r n c u l t u r e that t h e q u e s t i o n o f t h e l e g i t i m a t i o n o f k n o w l e d g e is f o r m u l a t e d i n d i f f e r e n t t e r m s . T h e g r a n d n a r r a t i v e has lost its c r e d i b i l i t y , r e g a r d l e s s o f w h a t m o d e o f u n i f i c a t i o n it uses, r e g a r d l e s s o f w h e t h e r it is s p e c u l a t i v e n a r r a t i v e o r a n a r r a t i v e o f e m a n c i p a t i o n ( L y o t a r d , 1 9 9 3 a , p. 37). I d i d n ' t e v e n k n o w r e a l l y that s o m e b o d y o r s o m e b o d i e s h a d b e e n w o r k i n g t o w a r d s a G r a n d N a r r a t i v e - p e r h a p s , t r y i n g t o r e g a i n w h o l e n e s s after t h e T o w e r o f B a b e l b u s i n e s s . s t a r t l e d t h a t t h e r e has b e e n - is - t h i s d o g m a t i c s i d e t o t h e k n o w l e d g e i n d u s t r y .  Iam  This dogmatism  contradicts m y sense of lifelong learning. A n y w a y , I w a s u n a c c u s t o m e d to this k i n d of talk out there i n the f i e l d w h i l e I s u p e r v i s e d r e c e s s o r t a u g h t G r a d e 5 art o r h e l p e d G r a d e 2 s set u p a t e r r a r i u m . O d d , b e c a u s e I h a d w o r k e d at a U n i v e r s i t y R e s e a r c h S t a t i o n as a R e s e a r c h A s s i s t a n t . T h a t w o u l d h a v e b e e n a b o u t 1 9 7 6 i s h , I g u e s s . S o m e w h e r e i n t h e f o o t h i l l s , m a l e s c i e n t i s t s t r a c k e d P e r o m y s c u s m a n i c u l a t u s - t h a t is, d e e r m i c e - i n w i n t e r ; r e t r o f i t t e d b u i l d i n g s t o r e d u c e g i g a j o u l e (that is, a m e a s u r e m e n t o f heat) loss; a n d m e a s u r e d f e c a l b a c t e r i a c o u n t s i n a s e w a g e w a t e r r e c h a r g e s t a t i o n .  I guess, then, I d i d  n o t r e a l l y c o n s i d e r that t h e s e r e s e a r c h e r s w e r e m a k i n g d i s c o v e r i e s w i t h i m m e d i a t e c o n s e q u e n c e t o t h e m a t e r i a l i t y o f d a i l y l i v i n g -- e v e n i n t o t e x t b o o k s a n d c l a s s r o o m s . W h a t d i d I think was  Interviewer:  B u t if I t h i n k o f it n o w !  happening? So, y o u ' r e n o t y e t at M i c h a e l Y o u n g ' s ( 1 9 7 1 ) " n o t i o n o f k n o w l e d g e  being  s o c i a l l y o r g a n i z e d o r c o n s t r u c t e d " (p. 19)?  Interviewee:  Yes, exactly.  I m e a n if I r e a l l y s e a r c h m y m e m o r y b a n k s , w h i l e I w a s at  t h a t r e s e a r c h s t a t i o n , t h e r e w a s lots o f t a l k a b o u t t h e d i s c o v e r i e s , b u t t h e r e wasn't a n y k i n d o f  34 p h i l o s o p h i c a l , er, e t h i c a l d e b a t e a b o u t t h e uses a n d a b u s e s o f k n o w l e d g e m a k i n g . T h e s e g u y s w e r e pretty practical.  T h e r e m i g h t h a v e b e e n s o m e , b u t I wasn't t h e r e f o r that k i n d o f t a l k . Y e t .  I don't shouldn't m a k e m y s e l f s o u n d t o o n a i v e b e c a u s e t h r o u g h o b s e r v a t i o n I c o u l d see that the 'men'  d i d t h e s c i e n c e at t h e r e s e a r c h s t a t i o n a n d t h e w o m e n r a i s e d t h e c h i l d r e n o r w o r k e d i n  adjunct positions.  I a m observant e n o u g h to tabulate the n u m b e r of males versus f e m a l e  'scientists'. H o w e v e r , I a m n o t y e t l i k e D o r o t h y S m i t h ( 1 9 8 7 ) i n t e r m s o f c o n s i d e r i n g r e s e a r c h , t h e o r y , er, i n s i g h t s as a p o p u l a r i z e d p a t r i a r c h a l i n t e r p r e t a t i o n o f w h a t w e a r e a l l s u p p o s e d t o  know  . S h e states that t h e t e m p l a t e s o f t h e t h o u g h t s a n d i m a g e s w h i c h w e d o use a r e t h o s e  w h i c h d o not arise directly o r spontaneously  out o f people's e v e r y d a y l i v e d relationships.  Rather t h e y are the p r o d u c t of the w o r k of specialists o c c u p y i n g p o s i t i o n s in the i d e o l o g i c a l apparatus spontaneously;  influential  . . . O u r c u l t u r e d o e s not arise  it is ' m a n u f a c t u r e d ' " (p. 19).  Later, J u l i a P e n e l o p e ' s ( 1 9 9 0 ) P.U.D. (that is, P a t r i a r c h a l U n i v e r s e o f D i s c o u r s e ) (see pp. is r e a l l y g o i n g t o e x t e n d 'voices' are c o n s i d e r e d  xxvi-xxx)  m y sensibility a n d anxiety about patriarchal e x c l u s i o n w h e r e i n certain inadmissable.  M y a w a r e n e s s o f k n o w l e d g e , er, d o c t r i n e p r o d u c t i o n b e c o m e s c r u c i a l ; d e c o n s t r u c t p u b l i s h e d t e x t r e l a t e d t o m y s e l f as a l a m i n a t e d - c a r d - c a r r y i n g P F N A .  c r y s t a l l i s e d as I This  knowledge-making a n d knowledge-reification dexterity becomes quite emotionally disturbing, d i s a b l i n g a n d e m p o w e r i n g f o r m e as I c o n t i n u e i n t h i s e p i s t e m o l o g i c a l - a f f e c t i v e - s p i r i t u s o d y s s e y . And,  h e r e I a m n o t n a i v e . I grasp, s o m e h o w , that t h i s w h o l e p e r f o r m ( a n c e ) ( a t i v i t y ) o f ' k n o w l e d g e '  (see L y o t a r d , 1 9 9 3 a , p p . 41-47) is a b o u t l a n g u a g e - w o r d s s e q u e n c e d i n c e r t a i n o r d e r , l o g i c and  about genocide.  T h e language thing connects quickly.  I t h i n k - f e e l - i n t u i t t h i s c o m e s , p a r t i a l l y , f r o m m y e x p e r i e n c e as a t e a c h e r u s i n g a W h o l e L a n g u a g e A p p r o a c h as d e s c r i b e d i n a B r i t i s h s t u d y c a l l e d L a n g u a g e - f o r L i f e , o r i g i n a l l y p u b l i s h e d  35 in 1 9 7 6 .  T h i s study i n v e s t i g a t e d "language skills w i t h i n the c o n t e x t of t e a c h i n g the use  E n g l i s h " (p. x x x i ) . A s a t e a c h e r I t h e n a c c e p t e d t h e r o l e - not t h e p r i m a r y r o l e - t h a t plays in generating existence and 47).  k n o w l e d g e and  producing  new  forms  of "language  o f b e h a v i o u r that t y p i f i e s h u m a n  d i s t i n g u i s h e s it f r o m that o f a l l o t h e r c r e a t u r e s " [ T h e i r i t a l i c s . ] ( B u l l o c k , 1 9 7 6 ,  H o w e v e r , I don't e n t e r u n i v e r s i t y a r c h a e o l o g i z i n g ( F o u c a u l t ,  knowledge-language-power and  such.  p.  1972)  I e n t e r h e r e t h i n k i n g t h a t d i s c u r s i v e is a n a d j e c t i v e  m e a n i n g ' r o a m i n g ' , ' r a m b l i n g ' o r 'roundabout'. [Laughter. T o o k me  S u b j e c t l a u g h s r e a d i l y at herself.] a w h i l e to d r i n k i n , understand, the d e p t h f u l m e a n i n g of the term, d i s c o u r s e ,  Foucault's (1972)  i n s i g h t s i n t o d i s c o u r s e as a r e o c c u r i n g p r e s e n s e o f s i g n s , u n i f e d  r u l e s - r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n i n t e r p l a y , w h i c h are, f o r h i m , t o o o f t e n " a c c e p t e d w i t h o u t (Foucault, 1972,  p. 25).  Language becomes like a corral.  you're i n s i d e that c o r r a l , y o u gonna question how out!  He  you  (Ibid., p. 26).  etcetera.  If y o u ' r e  we  encountering  For me,  in v i e w of w h i c h  analyses  must i n d i c a t e w h i c h of t h e m c a n n e v e r be a c c e p t e d in any  So, h i s c o n c e p t - i n s i g h t is a l i t t l e b i t m o r e t h a n j u s t j a r g o n ,  and  r e t h i n k s o m e of t h o s e years I was  instrument  a c c e p t a n c e h e g e m o n y - l i k e . If  must define "in what conditions and  s p e c i a l i z e d t e c h talk w i t h i n or i n d i c a t i v e of a f i e l d .  supracomprehension.  question"  speak-write-accept-(ap)(com)prehend i n s i d e that c o r r a l - w e l l , w a t c h  c e r t a i n of t h e m are l e g i t i m a t e ; and  W h a t I am  by  better speak-accept like s o m e b o d y i n s i d e that c o r r a l .  r e c o m m e n d s that w e  circumstances"  The  and  O r , that's h o w  d e c o d i n g in and  I understand his idea.  o u t o f t h e l i b r a r i e s h e r e has m e  longing to  t e a c h i n g r e a d i n g c o m p r e h e n s i o n , b e c a u s e t h i s is  to d i s c e r n this d i s c o u r s e f o r m a t i o n  is t o see l a n g u a g e as  an  o f d e s i r e , a n e x p r e s s i o n of w i l l as a w e a p o n of v i o l e n c e , as a f o r m o f i m p r i s o n m e n t , W h o s e will?  rather than c o m p a s s i o n ?  Who  w a n t s t o be v i o l e n t ? H o w  Very powerful  stuff f o r me.  Any  is t h i s v i o l e n c e j u s t i f i e d ? way  - where were we  Why here?  violence  36 A h , yes.  In r e t r o s p e c t , I see h o w t h i s b e l i e f a b o u t U n i v e r s i t y as t r u l y a n 'Ivory T o w e r '  t h i n k tank, led m e into a c l a s h  [rattle-rattle-rattle-rattle]  a b o u t h a v i n g to justify m y sense of  t h i n k i n g - f e e l i n g - i n t u i t i n g - a s - r e s e a r c h , as valid a m e t h o d o l o g y a s q u a n t i t a t i v e o r q u a l i t a t i v e templates.  I a m o n l y s p e c u l a t i n g , b u t I t h i n k t h i s b e l i e f is b a s e d o n a c h i l d h o o d c l a s s i s t b e l i e f  that w e a l t h y p e o p l e g o to university. to think?  Hhhmmm...so o n l y w e a l t h y p e o p l e h a v e t h e l u x u r y o f t i m e  N o , that a l s o a l m o s t s o u n d s like w e a l t h y p e o p l e are smarter w h e r e a s  socioeconomically impoverished [ P a u s e o n tape.  i n d i v i d u a l s neither have t i m e nor the ability.  Sounds o f papers rustling.]  In fact, f u r t h e r i n that s a m e letter, I r e m a r k , that "I got i n t o a d i t h e r t r y i n g t o t h i n k a b o u t w h i c h r e s e a r c h m e t h o d o l o g y I c o u l d use t o a n s w e r q u e s t i o n s " ( C a l l i o u t o A l e x a n d e r , c o m m u n i c a t i o n , January  personal  12, 1 9 9 1 , p. 3).  Tracking an U n e x p e c t e d Line of Inquiry  [ " N o n - d i r e c t i v e q u e s t i o n s , then, are r e l a t i v e l y open-ended, rather t h a n r e q u i r i n g the i n t e r v i e w e e to p r o v i d e a s p e c i f i c p i e c e o f i n f o r m a t i o n o r , at the e x t r e m e , s i m p l y t o r e p l y 'yes' o r 'no' " ( S p r a d l e y , 1979  i n H a m m e r s l e y & A t k i n s o n , 1991,  p. 113).  In  t h i s case, the i n t e r v i e w e r has l o c a t e d a 'key' t e r m , that i s , 'dither', a l l o w i n g the s u b j e c t - c l i e n t - i n f o r m a n t to e x p a n d the r e s p o n s e about this c o n f u s i o n about l o c a t i n g a n a c c e p t a b l e p r o c e d u r a l f o r m and sequence to c o n d u c t research.]  Interviewee: requirement  A h , yes, a dither.  B y January  17, 1 9 9 5 ,  I a m writing about the  course  to create a hypothesis, t o identify variables (dependent, independent, i n t e r v e n i n g ,  o r g a n i c , p l a s t i c - f a n t a s t i c et c e t e r a ) , t o f r a m e h y p o t h e s e s i n 'testable' f o r m , a n d g e n e r a l l y t o m a t c h a 'do-able'  t o p i c w i t h 'do-able' d e s i g n i n s t r u m e n t s ( s u r v e y , c l o s e d - f o r m q u e s t i o n s , L i c k e r t s c a l e s ,  37 ethnographic frameworks.  i n t e r v i e w q u e s t i o n s , etc.).  A g a i n , I'm a 'babe i n t h e forest' b e c a u s e I d i d n o t e x p e c t t o a r r i v e h e r e a n d b e  snowed inunder a researcher.  I try earnestly t o use these q u a l i t a t i v e a n d q u a n t i t a t i v e  jargon and technique.  I d i d not see myself trying to self-educate myself to b e  I a l s o encounter, or, c o l l i d e s i c k e n i n g l y into, u n e x p e c t e d l y  i n t o t h e W.W.S.  I n t r o d u c t i o n t o t h e 'West'  Interviewer: T h e W.W.S.? Interviewee:  Y e s , t h e W a l l o f W e s t e r n S c i e n c e , t h e W.W.S. In a j o u r n a l e n t r y , I w r i t e , at  " D a y 6 of G r a d Studies:"  This whole narrowing and specifying made me feel that I was becoming too scientific.  [Respondent's p a r e n t h i c a l aside: A t D a y 6 n o less!] /  felt some angry  resentment that the wording and selection of topic would become almost too obscure to satisfy the requirements of the textbook requirements.  I fairly howled  with laughter and with rage when I read the statement: 'Certain philosophic and theological questions, which perhaps important to the individuals who consider them, cannot be tested empirically and are thus of no interest to science or the scientist'  ( K e r l i n g e r , 1 9 7 3 , p. 2 0 , q u o t e d i n C a l l i o u , 1 9 9 1 ) , ( C a l l i o u , J o u r n a l e n t r y ,  J a n u a r y 1 7 , 1 9 9 1 , p. 2).  Interviewer: A h , w h e r e w o u l d t h e W e s t b e f o r y o u ?  Interviewee: [ I n t e r v i e w e e b e g i n s to s p e a k a n d i n t e r r u p t s h e r s e l f w i t h laughter.] Good  question.  38  [Again laughter.] Everybody's w e s t of s o m e b o d y .  I g u e s s f o r me, ' W e s t e r n ' refers t o o n e  of those discourse  t h i n g s F o u c a u l t is i n s i g h t f u l e n o u g h t o l o c a t e . I don't r e f e r t o a n y s p e c i f i c g e o g r a p h i c l o c a t i o n l i k e E u r o p e , p e r se; b u t m o r e a m o d e of t h o u g h t - f e e l i n g - b e l i e v i n g , w h i c h s e e m s t o o r i g i n a t e i n Europe and  this W e s t e r n i z e d m o d e of t h i n k i n g - f e e l i n g - b e l i e v i n g b e c o m e s - i s a c o l o n i z i n g  agen(t)(cy).  Interviewer: had  O h . So, e v e n t h o u g h y o u  not r e a l l y q u e s t i o n e d  h a d w o r k e d at a ' s c i e n t i f i c ' r e s e a r c h s t a t i o n , y o u  t h e b a s i s o f s c i e n c e ; ah, or, l i n k e d s c i e n c e w i t h c e r t a i n c r i t i q u e s r e l a t e d  to p a t r i a r c h a l or d o m i n a n t or e c o c i d i c c r i t i q u e s ?  Interviewee:  O f c o u r s e , E u r o p e isn't r e a l l y a c o n t i n e n t p h y s i c a l l y .  water like other continents.  A n y w a y , ah, y e s , y o u r q u e s t i o n .  g e t t i n g h i n t s . For e x a m p l e , I a t t e n d e d  No,  It's n o t s u r r o u n d e d b y  not really.  a b i o r e g i o n a l c o n g r e s s ( M a i n e , 1990)  I mean I kept  and  r e a l l y f e l l 'in  l o v e ' w i t h the i d e a of the d e e p l y r e v e r e n t i a l b e l i e f structure for all l i f e f o r m s h e l d i n d e e p e c o l o g y , as d e s c r i b e d b y D e v a l l a n d ideas.  S e s s i o n s (1985).  I t h i n k - f e e l I d o that - fall in l o v e w i t h  I a m a w a r e of the (eco-)feminist r u m b l i n g s a b o u t Francis B a c o n (1561-1626) b e i n g  considered  a n off-Continent p r o g e n i t o r of a p l a n to d i s c o v e r m o r e a u t h e n t i c e x p l a n a t i o n s  of  n a t u r e , e x p l i c a t e d as a ' s c i e n t i f i c ' m e t h o d . I even went and original 1620  hunted up and  bought N o v u m O r g a n u m  c o p y - to l o c a t e passages w h e r e h e expresses his d e s i r e  understanding,  a w a y b y t h e m The  Off- untried and  s c i e n t i f i c m e t h o d ( S e c t i o n L X X X I I , pp. 1 1 5 - 1 1 6 ) . T h e i r Elders I guess. agitated and  - a 1947  v e r s i o n , not a n  "to o p e n a n e w w a y o f  u n k n o w n " (p. 76) w h i c h h e d e t a i l s as t h e  B a c o n ' s " t h e m " refers t o o f f - c o n t i n e n t a n c i e n t s .  I h a v e n o d e s i r e t o roast B a c o n .  H o w e v e r , e m o t i o n a l l y , I start t o get b o t h  s a t i s f i e d b e c a u s e t h e c r i t i q u e starts t o e x p l a i n - if, e x p l a n a t i o n is e v e r p o s s i b l e -  s o m e of the i n s e n s i t i v e a n d in A l b e r t a ( 1 9 7 4 i s h ) .  e c o c i d a l activities I had w i t n e s s e d  I m e a n I a m naive.  while working o n a seismic crew  I must have w a t c h e d trucks running  up and  down  39 roads i n t h e f o o t h i l l s for w e e k s before I a s k e d o u r Party M a n a g e r [Aside: the A s s i s t a n t C r e w Boss.] w h a t t h e y w e r e h a u l i n g .  That's t h e n i c k n a m e f o r  I w a s t o l d that t h e y w e r e f i l l e d w i t h c h e m i c a l s  t o p o u r i n t o t h e 'hole' t o m a k e d r i l l i n g e a s i e r . I w e p t w h e n I r e a l l y u n d e r s t o o d w h a t c h e m i c a l s and  t h e d y n a m i t e m e a n t as d a m a g e t o o u r E a r t h - M o t h e r . S o , I c o m e t o u n i v e r s i t y w i t h p r a c t i c a l  experience, The  life his/herstory. encounters with the (de)constructive critique fleshes out s o m e theoretical  understanding of these experiences.  I f e e l s a t i s f i e d that I a m l e a r n i n g t o a r t i c u l a t e s o m e o f m y  m i s g i v i n g s ; b u t I a l s o a l w a y s s e e m t o f e e l u n e a s y . I don't t h e n g i v e e n o u g h c r e d i t t o t h e materiality of ideas or ideology. two-legged, decision.  W o r k i n g s e i s m i c a n d c o l l e c t i n g t h e p a y c h e q u e is a h u m a n , a  I collected some of those paycheques.  S o m u c h for m y ethics?  These  p a y c h e q u e s p a y f o r t h e c o m p l e t i o n o f m y B.Ed. T e a r s , i n r e t r o s p e c t , w e r e p r o b a b l y n o t e n o u g h t o r e p a i r t h e d i s r e s p e c t f u l , u n e t h i c a l b e h a v i o u r c o d e d as o i l e x p l o r a t i o n o r r e s o u r c e or m a k i n g a living.  Ilf s e l f - e d i t t i n g b e d w o r r y that w h a t I d e s c r i b e n e x t m a y b e c o n s i d e r e d  v e r y N e w A g e c l i c h e . That's a p r o b l e m , l a t e l y , f o r me. sloganized.  Slogans are t o o glib.  t h e r e s e e m s t o b e less s u c c e s s . to ourselves.  dvelopment very,  I f e a r s l o g a n i z a t i o n . I n s i g h t gets  W e k n o w t h e s l o g a n s , b u t t h e s e l f - d i s c i p l i n e o f a c t i o n is w h e r e  H o w e v e r , I d o b e l i e v e that w h a t w e d o t o E a r t h - M o t h e r , w e d o  A m a z i n g , h o w children of 'Cod' or T H E B I G H O L Y M A N I F E S T I N G (my translation of  t h e S i o u x , W a n k a n T a k a n ) s e l f - r a t i o n a l i z e b e h a v i o u r w h i c h is n o t r e v e r e n t .  A n d , n o o n e u p here  in t h i s f o r e s t o f c e m e n t & b r i c k & s t o n e b u i l d i n g s is t a l k i n g a b o u t h o w o u r ( d i s ) ( u n ) ( r e ) c o v e r e d knowledge production  process might b e considered  f i r s t l y as r e v e r e n t i a l ; that, t h e  B I G H O L Y M A N I F E S T I N G is i n f l u e n c e d b y e a c h w o r d , t h o u g h t , a c t i o n , f e e l i n g t h a t is p e r f o r m e d , w h e r e i n e v e n t h o u g h t is p e r f o r m a n c e a n d has c o n s e q u e n c e  Interviewer:  production.  [ I n t e r r u p t i n g ] . W e l l , it is a r e l a t i v i s t p o s i t i o n e d w o r l d .  P e o p l e d o get t o  m a k e t h e i r o w n d e c i s i o n s , m a k e u p t h e i r o w n m i n d s . There's n o o v e r a r c h i n g you  are not suggesting shutting d o w n the entire o i l industry?  dogma.  W h a t about jobs?  I mean  40 [ I n t e r v i e w e r stops s p e a k i n g a b r u p t l y . L o o k s to i n t e r v i e w e e , w h o does n o t r e s p o n d i n any m a n n e r .  A b a n d o n i n g the s p o n t a n e o u s s p i e l , i n t e r v i e w e r c o n t i n u e s w i t h a n o t h e r  spontaneous i n t e r v i e w question.]. Y e s , y o u m e n t i o n e d o n c e that y o u w e r e t o l d that y o u b e l o n g e d  in the theology  d e p a r t m e n t of this c a m p u s ?  Interviewee:  O h , h o w d i d y o u h e a r that? I w a s . Y e s , at t h i s c a m p u s , l o c a t e d o n t h e  traditional territory of the M u s q u e a m , I w a s t o l d this. u p o n this t h e o l o g y business n o w ?  N o witnesses, b u t true. S h o u l d  I comment  L a t e r as y o u d e m a r c a t e d i n Part IV?  [ L o n g p a u s e o n the tape saturated w i t h the s m e l l s o f a g r i l l e d cheese s a n d w i c h . I n t e r v i e w e e i s t h u m b i n g t h r o u g h o l d c o p i e s o f r e s e a r c h texts. M u t t e r i n g , i n t e r v i e w e e continues.] W e s h o u l d g o b a c k a n d c h e c k that K e r l i n g e r ( 1 9 7 3 ) r e f e r e n c e as I d i d n o t n o t e t i t l e , p l a c e o f p u b l i c a t i o n a n d p u b l i s h e r i n t h e j o u r n a l e n t r y . Y o u r c o m m i t t e e w i l l b e o n y o u f o r that. N o w - ah, yes, n o w w h e r e w e r e w e ? B y t h e sixth d a y of graduate s c h o o l , I a m h o w l i n g w i t h laughter and  rage a n d f e e l i n g f r i g h t e n e d a n d w r i t i n g i m a g i n a r y responses t o scientists. [ R e s p o n d e n t - i n f o r m a n t - s u b j e c t - i n t e r v i e w e e reads v e r b a t i m f r o m a j o u r n a l . ] [ W h i l e the r e s p o n d e n t i s r e a d i n g , i n t e r v i e w e r m a k e s a q u i c k note:  Question: I  w o n d e r i f I c o u l d a s k i f I c o u l d m a k e p h o t o c o p i e s o f the j o u r n a l entries a n d p r o v i d e the d o c u m e n t a t i o n n e e d e d f o r the relentless c o m m i t t e e q u e s t i o n s re. s o u r c e s . these p h o t o c o p i e s g o i n t o s o m e m a s s i v e a p p e n d i x ?  D o all  H e l p this t h i n g w i l l e n d u p  w e i g h i n g 2.4 k i l o g r a m s . ]  I find the frightening tone of this dismissive statement to be a bit scary and a confirmation of the criticisms of science. This statement exemplifies trying to shut out the human (& most intriguing) side of who we are. But this is somehow not measurable and can't exist ...how sad; how  41  shortsightedly dogmatic. The blase and definiteness of the assertion that these are question of 'no interest' really made me want to cry out ' But hold on Dr. Kerlinger. .  .  (Calliou, Journal entry, January  17, 1 9 9 1 ,  p. 2)..  [ I n f o r m a n t stops. S t r e t c h i n g , she reaches f o r a thesaurus.] these are important questions:  e s p e c i a l l y to educators - c o m m u n i t y or o t h e r w i s e - w h e r e the  t e c h n i q u e , art o r s c i e n c e is f r a u g h t w i t h a l l m a n n e r of d i f f i c u l t , e t h i c a l q u e s t i o n s . A s I r e r e a d t h i s j o u r n a l e n t r y , I a m s u r p r i s e d at t h e p o w e r f u l e m o t i v e w o r d s t h e r e - a n g r y , f r i g h t e n i n g , s a d , r e s e n t f u l - at t h i s e a r l y d a y o f g r a d u a t e s t u d i e s . I a m a l r e a d y s t r u g g l i n g w i t h t h e epidemic  p r o h i b i t i o n of c e r t a i n w a y s o f ( o b s e r v ) ( c o m p r e h e n d ) i n g  and the legitimation of certain  t o p i c s o f i n v e s t i g a t i o n , t h e d e s p i r i t u a l i s a t i o n of k n o w l e d g e - m a k i n g a n d t h e p r i v i l e g i n g o f c e r t a i n voices.  T h i s s u r p r i s e s me. I a m d i s c o n c e r t e d as I r e r e a d a b o u t that s i x t h d a y o f g r a d u a t e s t u d i e s .  I d o n o t i m a g i n e that I w i l l b e c o m e a d e t e c t i v e t o d e l e g i t i m a t e a c c e p t e d understanding.  E v e n t u a l l y , it's b o o k s l i k e F o u c a u l t ' s ( 1 9 7 2 ) T h e  boundaries  Archaeology  or w a y s of  of K n o w l e d g e  w h i c h c o n f i r m m y n e e d t o q u e s t i o n , w h i c h i n v i t e s that, [w]e m u s t a l s o q u e s t i o n t h o s e d i v i s i o n s or g r o u p i n g s w i t h w h i c h w e have b e c o m e so familiar.  Can  o n e a c c e p t , as s u c h , t h e d i s t i n c t i o n "  b e t w e e n d i s ( c o u r s e s ) ( c i i p l i n e s ) l i k e p h i l o s o p h y , s c i e n c e , r e l i g i o n (p. 22)? I extend this inquiry into the 'political' realm w h i l e s t u d y i n g articles to b a c k g r o u n d for t e a c h i n g E D U C 4 4 2 , c r i t i c a l i s s u e s i n s c h o o l i n g f o r P F N A .  myself  I c o n t i n u e to w a n d e r about the  e m e r g e n c e o f a d i s c i p l i n e s a n c t ( i o n ) ( i f i ) e d as N a t i v e S t u d i e s , t o c o n s i d e r t h e f o r m u l a t i o n o f t h i s dis(cipline)(course).  How An  Stories Are Example  Encoded:  42 For e x a m p l e , M c S h a n e (1984) recounts the horror-filled tale of a s e c o n d grade  Ojibwe  c h i l d w h o w a s r e c o m m e n d e d f o r t r e a t m e n t after h i s d a y d r e a m i n g w a s d i a g n o s e d a s m i l d l y psychotic.  ' O b s e r v a t i o n ' i n d i c a t e d m o r e t h a n t h i s a n d h e w a s d i a g n o s e d as h a v i n g b e h a v i o u r a l  and emotional problems.  " S c h o o l p e r s o n n e l h a d often o b s e r v e d h i m staring v a c a n t l y off into  space; often he w a s s o s l o w c o m p l e t i n g his w e r e t r u e " (p. 81).  work  a n d h e t o l d ' w i l d ' s t o r i e s at t i m e s s a y i n g t h e y  However, w h e n a Social W o r k e r of F N A became involved, she found the  b o y a n d grandparents in strong relationships. T h e grandfather "encouraged and  his d a y d r e a m i n g "  h a d i n s t r u c t e d h i m t o f o l l o w t h i s i m p u l s e w h e n e v e r it h a p p e n e d - t o s t r e n g t h e n t h a t gift;  a n o t h e r a v e n u e o f awareness. T h e grandfather mentors a n d guides in d i s c u s s i o n o f these d r e a m s w i t h his grandson.  Thus, the p e r c e p t i o n of another w a y of a p p r e h e n s i o n  is n o t e v e n c o n s i d e r e d  by the s c h o o l personnel. The  s c h o o l i n g e x p e r i e n c e h e r e is, p e r h a p s , u n i n t e n t i o n a l i n t h a t a b e l i e f s u s t a i n s  i g n o r a n c e o f this curricular-instructional e x p e r i e n c e o c c u r r i n g b e t w e e n c h i l d a n d grandparent. T h e r e are those F o u c a u l d i a n language rules in o p e r a t i o n a b o u t h o w situations are l a b e l l e d , e n c o d e d , diagnosed a n d the language entails c o n s e q u e n c e p r o d u c t i o n in addition t o d e t e r m i n i n g w h o m s h a l l b e c l a s s i f i e d as i l l , u n w e l l , u n b a l a n c e d - m a r g i n a l i s e d - a n d w h o s h a l l not. And,  I don't e v e n t h i n k t h e p r i m a r y e m p h a s i s h e r e s h o u l d b e o n " I n d i a n " g r a n d p a r e n t  a n d " I n d i a n " c h i l d b e c a u s e t h a t c o d i n g r e i f i e s , a h , m y s t i f i e s , " I n d i a n s . " In t h e p r o c e s s o f m y s t i c a l i z i n g t h e ' v i s i o n a r y ' " I n d i a n " t h i s v e n u e o f w h a t is c a l l e d d r e a m ( i n g ) is s a f e l y a n o m a l i s e d , d e l e g i t i m a t e d . Y e t , a g a i n not c o n s i d e r e d s e r i o u s l y as a v a l i d , c r e d i b l e , l e g i t i m a t e f o r m o f (ap)prehension.  C e r t a i n l y n o t a b e h a v i o u r o r set o f b e h a v i o u r s ( p h y s i c a l , m e n t a l et c e t e r a ) t o b e  nurtured in classrooms.  H e l p , where's the t e x t b o o k o n v i s i o n questing?  W h o w o u l d t a k e s e r i o u s l y a v i s i o n q u e s t as a r e s e a r c h p a r a d i g m ?  T h i s is a h i g h l y  s e l f - r e f l e x i v e m e t h o d o l o g y w i t h as m u c h p r o t o c o l as s e t t i n g u p a n e x p e r i m e n t a l d e s i g n w i t h s e l e c t i o n of variables, stratified r a n d o m s a m p l i n g a n d a p p r o p r i a t e i n s t r u m e n t a t i o n . W h e n these  43 p o t e n t i a l i t i e s o f e p i s t e m o l o g i c a l c r e a t i o n - d i s c o v e r y - i n s i g h t are c o n s i d e r e d , t h e y a p p e a r t o e x o t i c , m a g i c a l and/or sorcery.  T h e s e w a y s of ( a p ) ( c o m ) p r e h e n d i n g b e c o m e m a r g i n a l i s e d , not a  part o f t h e e x p l i c i t ( r e g u l a r , t r a d i t i o n a l ) c u r r i c u l u m b y m a k i n g t h e m e x o t i c - s o m e h o w necessary for e v e r y d a y l i v i n g inthe  late 2 0 t h c e n t u r y .  I am  o r s p i r i t u a l acts of ' O t h e r i s a t i o n ' (for e x a m p l e , c o d i n g  T h e r e is a l s o t h e d e n i a l of m e t h o d s of cognition, cognisere  coming to know  not  a w a r e that p r e j u d i c e is e x t e n d e d  b e y o n d s i m p l e p h y s i c a l acts o f e x c l u s i o n (for e x a m p l e , " I n d i a n s " not a l l o w e d establishments)  be  in alcohol-serving  " I n d i a n " w o r s h i p as p a g a n ) .  - I l i k e that o r i g i n a l L a t i n m e a n i n g o f  e q u a l s ' c o m i n g t o know'. T h e r e is i n t h a t w o r d a s e n s e o f c o n t i n u o u s  c o m i n g - i n g - t o k n o w ; n o f i n a l i t y , an a m b i g u i t y , c a p t u r i n g a s e n s e o f m o t i o n . I remember now  that I f i e r c e l y a p p l i e d m y s e l f t o s k i m m i n g a n d  a n y t h i n g o n the shelf in the o l d C u r r i c u l u m b e h i n d Scarfe.  You  plants for their own  Library. Mmm,  miss the c o m f o r t of that g a r d e n  c o u l d c a t c h s o m e great s u n s h i n e t h e r e a n d reasons and  you  studying about research -  p e o p l e had  brought in a l l these  c o u l d f e e l t h e e n e r g y o f that l i t t l e g a r d e n . A n y w a y - I'd  just sit and  d e c i p h e r t h i s s t r a n g e ( t o y ) ( b e a s t ) ( p u z z l e ) . S o m e t i m e s , I m a k e n o t e s , but, g e n e r a l l y , I  don't.  a lousy note maker and  and  I'm  I s e l d o m refer t o t h e m a n y w a y .  I just go b a c k to the b o o k  ( r e ) d i g e s t a c h u n k o f text. In t h e ( r e ) r e a d i n g , I s o m e t i m e s f o r g e t w h y  I returned to that  'place'. [ P a u s e o n tape, p u n c t u a t e d w i t h the c r i n k l e o f the f o i l o f a c i g a r e t t e package.] [ I n t e r v i e w e r ' s note:  Question: How  do I t a c t f u l l y d i s c u s s the d a n g e r s o f s e c o n d - h a n d  smoke?] Obviously,  I had  been c o n s t r u c t i n g the w r o n g b i b l i o g r a p h i e s before I hit K e r l i n g e r (1973).  For e x a m p l e , Scheffler's (1967) praise of p h i l o s o p h e r s value.  He  states, (and  of e d u c a t i o n  and  the a n a l y s i s of t h e i r  I l e a v e t h e p a s s a g e w i t h his o r i g i n a l use o f t h e m a l e p r o n o u n ) :  [ R e a d i n g f r o m S c h e f f l e r ' s text. R e m a r k a b l y , she locates the passage, f r o m the s h e l v e s o f a m o d e s t l y - s t o c k e d at-home l i b r a r y , w i t h o u t r e f e r r i n g to notes.]  44  Such an analysis, indeed, exemplifies the contribution the philosopher of education can make when he conceives his function to be neither the spinning out of implications from general doctrines nor the authoritative pronouncement of basic and intermediate values for the guidance of schools [Interviewee adds the parenthetical aside - and field trips, I suppose. Punctuation of light giggling.].  He  can try to clarify our fundamental ways of thinking about education: the concepts we employ, the inferences we make, and the choices we express. He can render explicit the criteria of judgment we use in reaching educational decision. He can test our common assumptions indirectly by striving for a systematic picture that will embrace them all. He can analyze the major positions taken on issues of educational policy by exposing their premises, consequences and alternatives. In sum, he can improve our understanding of educational contexts and the problems they generate [His italics.] (Scheffler, 1967, p. 5).  Of course, no one dare construct that all-embracing "systematic picture" anymore in light of the P O M O fear of grotesque narratology. There are other texts. One of my favourites is The Logic of Education (Hirst & Peters, 1979; Orig. 1970). Yes, yes, these are all men. Scary, because it's just like Code's (1991) observation that womyn in 'Western' society inhabit this male-thoughtform-constructed exterior 'reality' wherein the structures and limits of their knowledge are derived from the experiences of a select, intellectually and socially privileged group of men: the philosophical system builders. This suggestion affords a partial explanation of the cognitive dissonance many female and feminist philosophers experience with the ontological divisions embedded in mainstream epistemology (p. 61) his/herstorically and currently.  45 I should cite a womyn. How about Roland Martin's Changing the Educational Landscape, Philosophy, Women, and Curriculum (1994)? Of course, womyn in philosophy is contentious. Do you recall that scene, er, where Martin weaves in Woolf's thesis regarding her desire for requiring a room of one's own to describe Martin's trip to "the philosophy of education shelves" (p. 125). 'Where is the book on gender and education by Dr. X, that woman who was a candidate last year for a position in this university?' I asked the librarian once I found my way through the catacombs? T do not see it on your shelves.' 'We have been advised that it is sociology and not philosophy,' she said. 'What about the treatise on past women philosophers of education by Dr. Y who was on the short list the year before? On loan?' 'For that one, you will have to go to the history library,' she told me. 'May I venture to inquire as to the whereabouts of the slim volume on the education of girls and women by Professor Z, the women whose tenure decision is still in limbo?' This query seemed to stump her but gaining confidence from a short computer search she announced, as if she had seen just about enough of me, that for this one you will have to go to the women's studies shelves. Feeling a good deal less exhilarated than I had when I walked in, I muttered that it looked as if women doing philosophy of education were not doing philosophy of education. 'We put the books where we are told,' she protested as I stomped out (p. 125).  What a feel she has for scenes, eh? Anyway, I retell Jane's story because as I enter this research-process-business I forget all about the D.O.M.  46 The  D.O.M.  D.O.M.?  Interviewer:  The  Interviewee:  Yes, the D o m a i n O f Men.  " I n d i a n " too) w h o is c o n t e m p l a t i n g d o i n g  " O h ! Oh!"  h e r e c o m e s t h i s w o m y n (& a n  philosophy.  [ I n t e r v i e w e e pauses a n d l o o k s out the w i n d o w . M u t t e r s to h e r s e l f :  forgetting terribly  'I keep  gender, sexual preference, age and all that seem to matter so to some people. *]  Excuse me a minute. [Pause. mug;  The  s o u n d o f rather t h i c k c o f f e e b e i n g p o u r e d i n t o a R o y a l D a l t o n c o f f e e  saucer absent.  N o , I m a d e that part up.  A c t u a l l y , it's a p l a s t i c t r a v e l m u g f r o m  M o t o m a s t e r , "...an e n v i r o n m e n t a l l y c o n s i d e r a t e m o t o r o i l " ( M o t o m a s t e r , date unknown).]  Interviewee: authored  [Continuing.] L i k e Roland-Martin, I o b s e r v e the o b l i g a t o r y p l a c e m e n t of text  b y P F N A p l a c e d i n t h e s p e c i a l i z e d b o o k g h e t t o s on- a n d  I ransacked  a Seattle bookstore  off-campus.  l o o k i n g f o r a n o t h e r c o p y of E x i l e d i n T h e  I remember once  L a n d of The  ( L y o n s , M o h a w k , D e l o r i a , Jr., H a u p t m a n , B e r m a n , C r i n d e , Jr., B e r k e y & V e n a b l e s , lent m i n e to s o m e o n e and  Free  1 9 9 2 ) . I'd  n e e d e d another c o p y to c h e c k a page n u m b e r reference.  D i s a p p o i n t e d , I n o t i f i e d m y s p o u s a l u n i t that I c o u l d n o t l o c a t e t h e t e x t A N Y W H E R E ! a d v i s e d that I seek in the N a t i v e A m e r i c a n s e c t i o n of the bookstore.  He  Sure e n o u g h , there the  e d i t i o n s o l i d l y sat. B u t t h i s is a p o l i t i c a l s c i e n c e t e x t c h r o n i c l i n g t h e e m b e d d e d d i s c o u r s e o f P F N A o n t h e f o r m a t i o n o f U.S. O r i g . 1957), The  d e m o c r a c y - n o t q u i t e i n t h e s a m e l e a g u e as L a u b i n s ' ( 1 9 7 5 ;  I n d i a n T i p i , Its H i s t o r y , C o n s t r u c t i o n a n d  P F N A a r e s t e r e o t y p e d as u n l e t t e r e d a n d p h i l o s o p h e r s or political commentators.  unschooled  Use!  O f course, his/herstorically  savages w h o are not astute historians,  47 [ P a u s e o n tape.  I n t e r v i e w e r ' s note to herself: W h e n these pauses o c c u r , h o w l o n g  s h o u l d I let t h e m g o on?  M a y b e I s h o u l d ask another q u e s t i o n to k e e p the  momentum?]  Interviewee:  R e m e m b e r that p i o n e e r r e s e a r c h e r G e o r g e C a t l i n ?  Interviewer: A h , r e s e a r c h e r ?  Interviewee:  Catlin?  I think he was  I l i k e t o t h i n k o f h i m as a r e s e a r c h e r .  a painter. L o o k a g a i n at C a t l i n ' s ( 1 9 8 9 ) p u r p o s e  in t h i s p a s s a g e , w r i t t e n i n 1 8 3 2 , w h e r e h e e x p o s e s h i s d e v o t i o n t o d o c u m e n t i n g P F N A w i t h a l i g h t heart, i n s p i r e d w i t h a n e n t h u s i a s t i c h o p e a n d and  o v e r c o m e all the hazards and  a literal and  r e l i a n c e that I c o u l d m e e t  p r i v a t i o n s of a life d e v o t e d to the p r o d u c t i o n o f  g r a p h i c d e l i n e a t i o n of t h e l i v i n g m a n n e r s , c u s t o m s , a n d c h a r a c t e r o f  an interesting race of p e o p l e , w h o are r a p i d l y p a s s i n g a w a y f r o m the f a c e of the earth - l e n d i n g a hand to a d y i n g nation, w h o have n o historians or of their o w n to portray w i t h f i d e l i t y their n a t i v e l o o k s a n d  biographers  history; thus, s n a t c h i n g  f r o m a hasty o b l i v i o n w h a t c o u l d b e saved for the benefit of posterity (Catlin, 1989,  L e t t e r #1, p. 3).  Interviewer:  W e l l , in 1832  P F N A aren't k n o w n o r p u b l i s h e d as p h i l o s o p h e r s o r  historians.  Interviewee:  W e l l , gee, I w o n d e r  Interviewer:  [Frowns audibly.]  Interviewee:  R i g h t , a n y w a y , n o w w e a r e g o i n g t o get t a g g e d as P F N A a u t h o r ( i t i e ) s first  before a d m i s s i o n to the bookshelves b o o k in the bookstore.  Interviewer:  You  why.  of v a r i o u s d i s c i p l i n e s .  don't g o t o t h e U.S.  Think about w h e r e y o u find Catlin's  male writers' section?  W e l l , no, I w o u l d n ' t l o o k t h e r e . T h e r e is n o s e c t i o n l i k e t h a t i n a  bookstore. [ I n t e r v i e w e r g r a b s a post-it and p r i n t s a h u r r i e d r e m i n d e r . ]  48  Interviewee:  F o r me, m y h u n t f o r L y o n s , M o h a w k , D e l o r i a , Jr., H a u p t m a n , B e r m a n ,  G r i n d e , Jr., B e r k e y a n d V e n a b l e s ( 1 9 9 2 ) s e e m s t o p r o c l a i m t h a t a n i n d i v i d u a l m u s t b e first k n o w n as a n " I n d i a n " o r w r i t e r f r o m t h e p e r i p h e r y o r s o m e o t h e r i n t e l l e c t u a l s u b u r b a n d y o u ' l l e a r n t h a t b e f o r e a r e p u t a t i o n f o r m a t h e m a t i c s o r j u d i c i a l l a w is e x e r c i s e d . w h e n y o u are published?  W h e r e will they put your books  W h o invents these categories a n y w a y ?  Whose?  Is A n I m p o r t a n t Q u e s t i o n  Interviewer:  Y o u are s a y i n g then that y o u are not k n o w n b y y o u r w o r d s ?  Interviewee:  N o , n o t if y o u r b o o k gets t h r o w n i n t o t h e First N a t i o n s b i n a n d n o t i n t h e  bins of o n e of the discipline-discourses. transcripts unnecessarily difficult.  Anyway, I detoured.  That'll m a k e c o d i n g  these  Sorry.  A p p l e ( 1 9 9 0 ) , o r M c C a r t h y ( 1 9 9 0 ) , f o r e x a m p l e s , a r e t r y i n g t o get clear [Interviewee's e m p h a s i s ] a b o u t r a c e , c l a s s , w e a l t h , p o w e r a n d o t h e r f a c t o r s as r e l a t e d t o s c h o o l i n g a n d education; but their play(discourse)ground(ing)  is a s o m e ' t h i n g ' l a b e l l e d s o c i o l o g y .  i m p l i e s t h o s e aspects of m e a s u r e m e n t a n d testability not f o u n d in p h i l o s o p h y . perhaps, just possess a larger laboratory setting: that is, life. w e r e p r o n e to e x c l a i m i n g , in the D i c k and lane  lives (Gray & A r b u t h n o t , 1958, see, f o r  I a m j u s t s k e p t i c a l that m e a s u r e m e n t s u b s t a n t i a t e s  k n o w i n g that; p a r t i c u l a r l y k n o w i n g that f o r e v e r y o n e .  think-feel-believe  " O h ! O h ! " as S a l l y , D i c k o r J a n e  A s I start t h i s g r a d u a t e s t u d i e s a p p r e n t i c e s h i p , I a m p u z z l e d at t h e  unanticipated focus o n scientific inquiry.  b u t t h a t m e a s u r e m e n t is t r u t h .  Philosophers,  s e r i e s , at u n s e t t l i n g , c u r i o u s o r i n t e r e s t i n g  m o m e n t s in their middle-class, EuroUnitedStatesian e x a m p l e s , p p . 3 3 , 4 6 o r 80).  Sociology  I might k n o w  this  T h a t m e a s u r e is a f a c t s t a t e d , w e l l , O.K.;  and I might k n o w  I c a n know t h i s a n d that f o r o t h e r s .  that  for m y s e l f - b u t I don't  49 [ P a u s e o n tape.  L i g h t c h u c k l e s . T h e s o u n d o f a t h e r m o s cap u n t w i s t i n g f o l l o w e d b y  the s o u n d s o f h i s s i n g . ] Do  you  m i n d if I t a k e a c u p o f y o u r c o f f e e ?  Isn't l a n g u a g e m a r v e l o u s l y v a g u e ?  l a n g u a g e c o u l d get s o f a r a w a y f r o m r e a l i t y . So, w h e r e w e r e w e ? O h , p r o b i n g of mind, morals and  yes.  I mean  P h i l o s o p h y , the  l a n g u a g e t o see w h a t l i g h t m i g h t b e y i e l d e d t o i l l u m i n a t e  any  p o t e n t i a l of exit f r o m the p r o v e r b i a l cave. I a l s o had t o l e a r n t o o p e r a t e o u t s i d e o f t h e s e f r i e n d l y , o l d , p h i l o s o p h i c a l t e x t s [Interviewee's emphasis.].  In a letter, I see a g a i n t h e c o n f l i c t b e t w e e n m y a n t i c i p a t i n g t h a t  U n i v e r s i t y is t h i s p l a c e t o n e s t & b r o o d & t h i n k  a n d t h e d e m a n d s o f h a v i n g t o first b a c k g r o u n d  m y s e l f a b o u t w h a t e v e r y o n e e l s e is t h i n k i n g a n d  the words, really understood  researching. T h e n to s h o w you've  [Interviewee's e m p h a s i s ] y o u p a y h o m a g e t o t h e s e f a c e l e s s o t h e r s  w i t h textual citations - l e g i t i m a t i n g this almost incestuous k i n s h i p - and, ah, standard genealogical bibliographic documentation. names, too.  reproducing a  A n d , t h e s t u d e n t t a l k starts t o i n c l u d e t h e s e  N o o n e e v e r says s o m e t h i n g , l i k e , ah, "Oh,  t o l d me," or, " G e e ,  really read  y e s , that's l i k e s o m e t h i n g m y M o t h e r  U n c l e F r e d s a i d that a l l t h e t i m e ; f o r e x a m p l e ,  'You  gotta w a t c h those  g o v e r n m e n t g u y s a l l t h e time.'." And,  o f c o u r s e , w e ' r e d o i n g that r i g h t n o w ;  c o n s t r u c t i n g the citations and  the  bibliography?  Interviewer: this c o n v e r s a t i o n to  W e l l , there are references w h i c h just n a t u r a l l y arise, ah, h a v e t o arise, for proceed.  Canon Speak-Write  Interviewee:  Y e s , t h e r e a p p e a r t o be, a l m o s t a n i n e v i t a b i l i t y . I c o m e t o u n d e r s t a n d , a  l i v i n g , b r e a t h i n g c a n o n i c a l g e n e a l o g y o f a u t h o r ( i t i e s ) t o c o n n e c t ; b u t n o t as f a m i l y , n o t  50 personally.  I've j u s t c o m e i n f r o m t h e f i e l d - that is, c l a s s r o o m t e a c h i n g — w h e r e t h e e m p h a s i s is  o n l a n g u a g e e x p e r i e n c e , t h e e n c o u r a g e m e n t a n d n u r t u r i n g of l e a r n e r s m a k i n g t h e i r m e a n i n g f o r t h e m s e l v e s . T h i s has b e e n d e s c r i b e d as w h o l e l a n g u a g e , b a s e d o n t h e L a n g u a g e f o r L i f e ( 1 9 7 6 ) study in Britain.  In t h i s a p p r o a c h  l a n g u a g e is itself a " h e u r i s t i c " w h e r e i n t a l k i n g , l i s t e n i n g ,  w r i t i n g a n d r e a d i n g are t h e m s e l v e s are e n g a g e d in i n t e r d e p e n d e n t r e c i p r o c a l activities as s p e a k e r s a n d l i s t e n e r s a n d w r i t e r s a n d r e a d e r s ( B u l l o c k , 1 9 7 6 , p. 50). T h i s i n t e r a c t i v i t y s e e m e d t o b e t o s u g g e s t a s a u b j e c t - t o - s i b j e c t ' s p e k k i n g ' , w h e t h e r self-to-self o r s e l f - t o / w i t h - o t h e r s . wuz  There  a reel s e n s e f o r m e i n t h e h o l e l a n g u e d g e a p p r o c h that, a h , s o r r y , I w a s h a v i n g a G r a d 1  W h o l e Langooweje Deja Vu.  A h ? Yes, information, observations, sensations c o u l d b e  articulated a n d t h e n t r a n s f o r m e d t h r o u g h language into k n o w l e d g e ? s o m e t h i n g out there. That distinct e x p e r i e n c e s c o u l d b e revisited. t h r o u g h e x p r e s s i o n v i s u a l l y , o r a l l y , s c u l p t u r a l l y or i n print.  That k n o w l e d g e  wasn't  Perhaps, better k n o w n  I m e a n it's t h e s a m e , a n d it's not, i n  c l a s s r o o m s h e r e . There's j u s t s o m u c h t o p r o c e s s . I a m u n c e r t a i n w h e n o r w h e r e I w i l l g e t t o self-making m e a n i n g in m y studies.  I'm s u r p r i s e d .  I w o n d e r if I w i l l e v e r h a v e t i m e t o p r o d u c e  an original thought - epistemological or otherwise. Interviewer:  [ S k i l l f u l l y p r o m p t i n g . ] Y e s , a lot t o read?  Interviewee:  [ R e a d i n g f r o m a letter h a n d i l y l y i n g about the bedroom-den.]  I also feel dogged by the realization thai I cannot read it all plus not read-deeply enough for deep concentration. I like to mull and stew about what I read. Also, with all of this reading I feel that I don't have enough time to enjoy my personal philosophic reflections about my past experience. This too, I feel is a rich resource to be mined. It all feels somewhat  51  overwhelming. There is so much information to he managed A l e x a n d e r , January, 1991,  (Calliou to  n.p.).  I d i a l o g u e w i t h text, interrogate text, h a v e these interior m o n o l o g u e s w i t h text, don't see text as s o m e t h i n g to m e m o r i z e but m o r e s o m e t h i n g to p r o v o k e m e to think-feel.  I have been  reading  s i n c e I w a s a b o u t 3 1/2; a n d , f o r me, d e c o d i n g s i g n s a n d s i g n i f i e r s o f a t e x t is s i m i l a r t o t h e G r a n d I n q u i s i t i o n o r a g o o d e p i s o d e o f M a t l o c k - t h e T.V. l a w y e r . [ P a u s e o n tape.].  Feeling  Disjunctured  Interviewer:  T h e reading seems to o v e r p o w e r you?  Interviewer: [ M i m e s a self-administered Yes.  half-Nelson.]  H o w e v e r , it's m o r e t h a n t h e r e a d i n g list l o a d .  T h e j o u r n e y is a b o u t c o m i n g t o t e r m s  w i t h t h e i n t e n t i o n a l i ( t y ) ( t i e s ) o f t e x t ( u a l i t y ) - that i n t e r p r e t a t i o n s are i n s c r i b e d a n d l i v i n g , breathing.  I a m i n t r i g u e d that I a m c o m m e n t i n g o n t h i s d i s j u n c t u r e s o e a r l y . T h a t is: I c a m e  here to a n s w e r m y question. answer  - fair e n o u g h .  Yet I didn't c o m e  T h e i n s t i t u t i o n d e m a n d s that I p r o d u c e a n a d e p t l y  I don't l i k e s l o p p i n e s s o r o v e r g e n e r a l i t i e s as m u c h as t h e n e x t p e r s o n .  up here to be thinking publicly  [Interviewee's e m p h a s i s ] .  m u l l - t h i n k - i n t u i t - p l a y . I d o not d i s r e s p e c t b o o k s o r a r t i c l e s . s o m e more.  researched  I c a m e here to  I feel instructed t o read & read & read  P r i n t is e n t e r t a i n i n g , i n f o r m i n g , e d u c a t i n g , s t i m u l a t i n g , n a u s e a t i n g , t h r i l l i n g ,  saddening, sickening.  But, s o m e w h e r e , r i g h t f r o m t h e v e r y b e g i n n i n g ,  I feel myself buried i n  text, w h i c h , later, f e e l s o p p r e s s i v e a n d s e l f - a l i e n a t i n g ; u n t i l , f i n a l l y I, a m s p e a k i n g a d e q u a t e l y as a deconstructionist,  a n d c o n f i d e n t l y use m y n e w skills to self-describe m y s i t u a t i o n as o n e w h e r e I  52 f e e l - p e r c e i v e m y s e l f as e r a s u r e d .  B y February 25, 1991,  I w r i t e i n a letter that "I h a v e b e c o m e  too e n c l o s e d b y text lately in the U n i v e r s i t y e x p e r i e n c e and ( C a l l i o u to A l e x a n d e r , personal  c o m m u n i c a t i o n , p. 1).  t h i s is d a m a g i n g t o ' s p i r i t u s ' "  Eventually, I resent s o m e t e x t i f y i n g a s  f i c t i o n a l i s i n g , as ( r e ) c o l o n i s i n g , a n d , at t i m e s , as a p e r s i s t e n t f o r m s of s e l f - a l i e n a t i o n , s e l f (re)colonization and t e x t s as t o x i c o r as  epistemic-affective-spiritual violence. a f o r m of v i o l e n c e .  I don't t h i n k I'd e v e r t h o u g h t b e f o r e of  Toxic facticity w h i c h w o u l d have m e l y i n g o n m y bed o r  s t a n d i n g i n t h e s h o w e r w e e p i n g a b o u t t h i s h i s / h e r / o u r s t o r y of M y P e o p l e . [Silence.  M o r e silence.]  [ I n t e r v i e w e r and i n t e r v i e w e e fuss w i t h s m o k i n g m a t e r i a l s .  Interviewer just manages  to r e f r a i n f r o m l i g h t i n g a f i l t e r - t i p p e d cigarette.]  Interviewer: and  what you  S h o u l d I s k i p f o r w a r d t o that, t o that r e s e n t m e n t r e l a t e d t o b e i n g a P F N A  find w h e n you  V i s w a n a t h a n ' s c h a p t e r , "The Rattansi, 1992,  l o c a t e y o u r s e l f i n text?  P e r h a p s , e x p a n d o n that i m p a c t of  b e g i n n i n g s of E n g l i s h l i t e r a r y s t u d y i n B r i t i s h I n d i a " (in D o n a l d  &  pp. 1 4 9 - 1 7 0 ) o n y o u ?  [Pause. S o u n d s o f c h a i r i n s c r i b i n g i n t o the t h i c k shag.]  Interviewee: not until 1992,  N o . No,  b e c a u s e that " I n d i a n " t h i n g isn't h a p p e n i n g s t r o n g l y y e t i n  w h e n I a m t e a c h i n g as a S e s s i o n a l .  I'm not y e t a r t i c u l a t i n g m y u n e a s i n e s s w i t h  t h i s f o r m of m e n t a l t e r r o r i z a t i o n o r c o n t i n u a n c e of m e n t a l / c o g n i t i v e n a m e it e u r o h e r i t a g e i z a t i o n .  1991;  I have extreme physical and  ( r e ) c o l o n i z a t i o n , or, a s I  e m o t i o n a l reactions to u n d e r s t a n d i n g  t h e e u r o c e n t r i c n a t u r e of a c a d e m e n t i a , but that's s o m e t h i n g I'll d i s c u s s at t h e c o g n i t i v e r e a l m . [Pause.  The  s o u n d s o f a l i g h t e r and a d e e p l y e x h a l e d b r e a t h o f c i g a r e t t e smoke.]  I n e v e r c o n n e c t e d w i t h sof t h e r e s e a r c h t e r m s , f o r e x a m p l e : erocentric?  independent variables. But  N o w there's a t e r m that p l o p p e d s o l i d l y i n t o m y s c h e m a .  c o m m u n i t y educator.  I c a m e h e r e as a  I c a m e h e r e as s o m e o n e w i t h m o r e of a p r i m a r y i n t e r e s t i n  community-based curriculum  and  instruction than e m o t i o n a l disjuncture, or d i s l o c a t i o n . T h e n ,  53 t h e r e is m y  e v e n t u a l e x t r e m e resistence to the d i c h o t o m y of o b j e c t i v i t y a n d  January, 1991,  I am  b r i n g to a study. A n y w a y , I am  subjectivity.  By  late  i n f o r m e d of the potential bias - hence, c o n t a m i n a t i o n - a researcher m i g h t  Doesn't c o n t a m i n a t i o n of data s o u n d like a s c i e n c e f i c t i o n s c e n a r i o to y o u ?  p a r r o t i n g that  / have a particular bias  [unstated]. /  recognized that it is important that I  survey and keep a mental goal of keeping my  'mind' out of this, remove  my opinions, and really listen to what I am to be told. . . . I had never considered that I might have a particular hobby horse and that I might want to ride this hobby horse through my study to win face. I do have a bias [unstated] as a researcher and the best I think I can do is to be upfront about this or these biases [never stated]. My personal lenses keep other truths from emerging or any semblance of truth from emerging at all ( C a l l i o u , j o u r n a l e n t r y , J a n u a r y 25, 1 9 9 1 ,  n.p.).  O f c o u r s e , there's m a n y t h i n g s g o i n g o n i n t h i s e n t r y . 'Bias', ' s u b j e c t i v i t y ' , ' o b j e c t i v i t y ' , ' c o n t a m i n a t i o n ' , ( v e r s u s 'pure' [ P e r h a p s , v i r g i n a l ?  H o w ' s that as m e t a p h o r i c r e f e r e n c e t o t h e  m a l e r e v e r e n c e f o r u n s u l l i e d ? ] r e s e a r c h ) , 'truth' a r e n u a n c e d w o r d s - o f - m e a n i n g w h i c h a r e c o n t e x t dependent.  As w e l l , in retrospect, I v i e w my  i n t r i n s i c t o me.  p e r s o n a l l e n s e s as p o t e n t i a l o b s t a c l e a n d  also  I c a n n o t r e m o v e these lenses -  [ I n t e r v i e w e e r e m o v e s glasses m o m e n t a r i l y and mimes.] like these ones.  O f course, w i t h my  W h a t strikes me  a b o u t t h i s e n t r y t h o u g h is that I set a " g o a l " t o " k e e p m y  of, or, a h , d i v o r c e d f r o m m y e m e r g e , if n o t o v e r p o w e r , m y  interests.  l e n s e s off, I'm  nearly blind.  In t h e y e a r s t o f o l l o w t h i s e n t r y , m y  methodological  progress.  I am  p u z z l e d at m y  mind" outside  mind-heart-spiritus earnest w i l l i n g n e s s  .54 t o b e c o m e a ' m i n d l e s s ' (and s o u l e s s ) r e s e a r c h e r . t h i s j o u r n a l e n t r y , b e c a u s e I n e v e r state t h e m . Researchers H a v e Biases.  Now,  I q u e r y w h a t biases I w a s referring to in  I j u s t m o u t h t h e s o c i a l i s a t i o n that:  Beware  I m e a n , p e r h a p s , m y b i a s e s a r e gifts o f c a u t i o n o r ( s e c o n d ) ( i n ) s i g h t ; n o t  a l w a y s s o m e t h i n g t o e l i m i n a t e , t o s c r u b out, t o d e n o u n c e , t o fear. N o w if t h i s l e c t u r e r w a s r e f e r r i n g to biases of r a c i s m , s e x i s m , a g e i s m , this was to b e r e v e r e n t i a l of all l i f e f o r m s not  not m a d e e x p l i c i t in this lecture. The  need  enunciated.  E i s n e r ( 1 9 9 2 ) m a k e s that o b s e r v a t i o n a b o u t t h e n e e d f o r o b j e c t i v i t y as m o r e  important  t h a n t h e n e e d f o r s u b j e c t i v i t y as a m e a n s t o d i s t i n g u i s h s e e m i n g l y d i f f e r e n t states o f b e i n g , i n t h e W e s t e r n t r a d i t i o n , of k n o w l e d g e a n d  belief, and  j u d g e m e n t s c a n n o t b e t r u s t e d " (p. 11).  that m o s t o f us a r e t a u g h t "that s u b j e c t i v e  W h e n I think a b o u t his words, I t h i n k a b o u t b e i n g taught  n o t t o trust m y s e l f ; t o b e c o m e s e l f - a l i e n a t e d , t o d i s s e c t a n d  digest and  q u o t e e v e r y o n e first s e e m s  to b e the priority before I untangle m y o w n thoughts-feelings-observations.  And,  I don't t h i n k  b e i n g r a t i o n a l c a n h a p p e n if I'm ' g e t t i n g b u s y ' ( d i s ) ( m i s ) t r u s t i n g m y s e l f , m y o w n f e e l i n g s , m y o w n h u n c h e s & i n t u i t i o n s , m y o w n l o c a t i o n in this giant m u l t i - d i m e n s i o n a l t w o - l e g g e d  equation.  [ S o u n d s o f 'sqwarrk', 'graack' and 'hssist'. U n f o r t u n a t e l y , a b r e a k i n the tape o c c u r s at t h i s p o i n t . I n t e r v i e w e r ' s note. I d i d not r e c o n s t r u c t the e n s u i n g c o n v e r s a t i o n f r o m memory.  The  f o l l o w i n g transcription picks up f r o m approximately  I hate tape r e c o r d e r s .  The  f i v e m i n u t e s later.  next t i m e I i n t e r v i e w , I w i l l h a v e w o n the 6-4-9 L o t t e r y  and I w i l l h a v e one o f those c o m p u t e r s w h e r e p e o p l e speak d i r e c t l y and text appears. Yes!  Yes!  Yes!]  Mind/Feelings/Bodv/Spirit  Interviewer:  So, s o m e t h i n g is h a p p e n i n g ?  A s p l i t o f s o m e sort?  55  Interviewee:  I'm n o t c e r t a i n as t o h o w t o c o n t i n u e . T h e r e is m u c h  emotional  r o l l e r c o a s t e r i n g r e l a t e d t o b e i n g a g r a d u a t e s t u d e n t . T h e r e is t h e m u l t i f a c t o r i a l s i t u a t i o n o f s c h o o l i n g as p l a g u e d w i t h i n e q u i t y as r e l a t e d t o e t h n i c i t y ( p r i m a r i l y , i n m y c a s e , t h e " I n d i a n " i d e n t i t y , h i s t o r y et c e t e r a ) , g e n d e r a n d c l a s s .  I can e m p a t h i s e w e l l w i t h the c o n t r i b u t o r s to the  c o l l e c t i o n of essays, W o r k i n g - C l a s s W o m e n in the A c a d e m y , Laborers i n the K n o w l e d g e Factory ( T o k a r c y z k & F a y , 1 9 9 3 ) , w h o s h a r e t h e i r s e n s e o f d i s ( j u n c t u r e ) ( l o c a t i o n ) as e d u c a t i o n p r o v i d e s interclass access and  mobility.  H o w e v e r , b e f o r e I g o 'there' — t o r a c e , c l a s s , g e n d e r , e t c . - t h i s  e n t r y is p a r t i c u l a r l y p o i g n a n t , b e c a u s e I r e a l i s e n o w that I a r r i v e at u n i v e r s i t y w i t h a s e n s e o f F o u r R e a l m intactness.  Y e t , h e r e I a m t h i n k i n g that I'll r e m o v e m y ( s e l f ) ( m i n d ) . B y t h e e i g h t h w e e k o f  g r a d u a t e s t u d i e s , I w r i t e i n a letter  This change in myself of becoming too prose-centered and not 'spiritus' or imagery centered - with a balance between the two -1 have found to become quite disturbing and rather frightening. I found today at the beach . . . that I began to break the stranglehold that text prose has on me too much lately. . . . I think I was being truthful when I told you, during the rdng. of Giroux, that I felt I was drowning. Symbolically and literally ( C a l l i o u t o A l e x a n d e r , p e r s o n a l c o m m u n i c a t i o n , F e b r u a r y 2 5 , 1 9 9 1 , p. II). H e r e I w i t n e s s m y s e l f t a l k i n g a b o u t t h e m i n d a n d t h e s p i r i t as s o m e h o w s e p a r a t e w h e n , i n fact, t h e r e is o n l y o n e me.  Separating F r o m Self  56 Interviewee: works.  I a m s p l i t ( t i n g ) . That's not a v e r y apt d e s c r i p t o r .  I guess disjunctured  A s I r e c a l l m y s e l f d e s c r i b i n g m y s e l f as t h e s e o p p o s i t i o n a l s e g m e n t s , w i t h t h e c o g n i t i v e  o v e r ( p o w e r i n g ) ( b u r d e n i n g ) , v i a text, t h e s p i r i t u s , I a m d i s t u r b e d t o s e e m y s e l f s e g m e n t e d , w i t h o u t t o o m u c h c o m m e n t a r y that t h i s is a n u n u s u a l c o n d i t i o n .  I m e a n , l o o k at t h i s , i n e i g h t w e e k s o f  g r a d u a t e s t u d i e s , I a m s p e a k i n g o f m y s e l f as s e p a r a t e p i e c e s : I a m m e n d i n g this sense of disjuncture.  m i n d , spiritus.  Isn't that i n c r e d i b l e ?  M y d i s c o v e r y o f t h e M e d i c i n e W h e e l r e m i n d s m e that I  a m n o t s o m e F o u r R e a l m f r a g m e n t e d b e i n g n e s s . F o r m e , t h e M e d i c i n e W h e e l is a h e u r i s t i c , a meditation  d e v i c e w h i c h k e e p s t h e F o u r R e a l m s i n f r o n t o f m e as I c o n s i d e r m y l i f e j o u r n e y .  Interviewer: A n d y o u s y m b o l i z e , s i g n i f y that w i t h s e l f - i n v e n t e d t e r m s l i k e t h i n k - f e e l ?  Interviewee:  Y e s , a n d that's n o t l i n g u i s t i c p l a y o r v a n i t y ; b e c a u s e , p a r a d o x i c a l l y , e v e n  w h i l e I a m a r g u i n g that c o g n i t i o n is a v a l i d f o r m o f r e s e a r c h , I a m a l s o d e s p e r a t e l y t r y i n g t o f i n d a w o r d i n E n g l i s h w h i c h s h o w s that as I a m t h i n k i n g , I a m a l s o f e e l i n g ; that t h e r e is e m o t i o n i n c o g n i t i o n ; that I a m n o t t h i s c o m m o d e w i t h f o u r p u l l - o u t d r a w e r s l a b e l l e d : p h y s i c a l , e m o t i o n a l , cognitive, spiritual.  R e a d i n g the w o r d s of Elder/Chief Louis S u n c h i l d , t h e focus of  Lightning's  (1992) g r a d u a t e studies, really c r y s t a l l i z e s , for me, a s e n s i b i l i t y o f h o w t h o u g h t a n d heart a r e i n t e g r a t e d at e v e r y m o m e n t .  Thus, t h e need to take respectful care of o u r heart-mind.  s p e a k s o f t h e c o m p a s s i o n a t e m i n d - c o n s c i o u s n e s s (pp. 2 2 4 - 2 2 7 ) .  Sunchild  Somehow compassionate mind  e n c a p s u l a t e s , f o r m e , t h e d i r e c t i n t e g r a t i o n o f e m o t i o n i n c o g n i t i o n a n d I start t o p l a y w i t h t e r m s like:  think-feel or logic-heart or heart-logic or feel-perceive.  world-fragmenting language for m e a n d I find myself w i s h i n g  English b e c o m e s a very limiting, I c o u l d speak Cree a n d crawl&nest  i n s i d e t h e integ(rity)(ration) o f the w o r d for c o m p a s s i o n a t e - m i n d b e c a u s e there s e e m s t o b e a w h o l i s m there I d o not find i n English dictionaries. [ C l a c k o f tape r e c o r d e r s h u t t i n g o f f u n e x p e c t e d l y . I n t e r v i e w e e sits q u i e t l y w a i t i n g . ]  I n t e r v i e w e r locates a f r e s h tape.  57 A l l o f t h e s e e m o t i o n a l t u r m o i l s a r e a l s o h i n t i n g at m e t o l o o k i n s i d e . I r e c a l l f o r m u l a t i n g t h i s str(a)(o)ng(e) f e e l i n g t h a t t h i s a l i e n a t i o n p r o c e s s m u s t b e l i k e that e x p e r i e n c e d b y m y P e o p l e i n t h e d i s j u n c t u r i n g o f c o l o n i a l s c h o o l i n g , o n l y I'm h e r e v o l u n t a r i l y .  I r e a l l y can't e x p l a i n t h e s e n s e  o f f e e l i n g I h a v e here.  M i n d 'Games'. P h i l o s o p h y  Interviewer:  Is S t i l l A n O.K. ' T h i n g ' T o D o ?  Y e t , t h i n k i n g , a k i n d o f p h i l o s o p h i c a l i n v e s t i g a t i o n , is t h e a p p r o a c h y o u  s t r u g g l e t o assert i n r e s e a r c h ?  Y o u argue for an old-fashioned form of thinking?  events a n d conditions through language?  Problem solving  There's t h i s p h i l o s o p h i c s i d e t o y o u r b e i n g n e s s  which  s e e m s t o r e q u i r e y o u start e l s e w h e r e b e f o r e y o u g e t t o d e s i g n i n g s c h e m e s o f m e a s u r e m e n t ? There are ineffables more significant to y o u than what s o m e might consider solidly measurable in statistically c o u n t e d responses?  Interviewee:  Ah-huh, just thinking?  Or, philosophy?  W h a t t e r m t o use?  A l s o , let's  r e m e m b e r t h a t a n u m e r a l is o n l y a s y m b o l r e p r e s e n t i n g a c o n s t r u c t - k n o w n as 1 o r 1,000; o r , t h a t a m e t r e is a l s o a n ' a r t i f i c i a l ' u n i t b a s e d o n s o m e s t a n d a r d c o m m u n i c a t i o n , 1 9 9 4 [?]).  (Chrisjohn,  personal  B y artificial, I d o mean arbitrary. A metre c o u l d b e shorter or longer  t h a n it is a c t u a l l y s o c i a l l y - b e l i e v e d t o be. I'm n o t s a y i n g t h e s e s t a n d a r d s o f m e a s u r e m e n t a r e s i l l y or unuseful.  S u c h m e a s u r e m e n t s as h e c t a r e o r a c r e a r e d a m m u s e f u l w h e n f i l i n g a l a n d c l a i m t o  repatriate stolen lands. [ I n t e r v i e w e r starts s c r i b b l i n g f u r i o u s l y . ] A n d , w h i l e 'me' is f i s s u r i n g , I a m a l s o b e g i n n i n g  t o sense that p h i l o s o p h i c a l i n v e s t i g a t i o n , or,  r a t h e r , m i n d - g e n e r a t e d c o n c e p t u a l i z a t i o n s isn't c o n s i d e r e d  e n o u g h here. T h e i n t r o d u c t o r y  m e t h o d s c o u r s e is d r i v i n g m e c r a z y as I t r y t o s q u i s h m y c o m m u n i t y e d u c a t i o n  curriculum  i n t e r e s t ( b y t h i s t i m e , w o r d e d as W h a t is c o m m u n i t y - r e l a t e d c u r r i c u l u m ? ) ( C a l l i o u t o A l e x a n d e r ,  58 M a r c h 1, 1 9 9 1 , p. 2) i n t o a q u a n t i t a t i v e o r q u a l i t a t i v e i d e o l o g i c a l f r a m e .  I find  t h a t "I s t i l l c o u l d  not m a k e this q u e s t i o n into really a quantitative o r q u a l i t a t i v e study" a n d , ah, that "the m o r e I s t e w e d a b o u t t h i s , t h e m o r e I felt t h i s is a c o n c e p t u a l a n a l y s i s p u r s u i t " (Ibid ., p. 2). I n e v e r i n t e n d e d t o have t o m a k e such a case for the m i n d a n t i c i p a t e t h a t d o i n g s o w o u l d b e a risk. thinking.  as a r e s e a r c h m e t h o d o l o g y ; n o r , d i d I  Id i d not expect to be challenged about the validity of  I w a s b e c o m i n g frustrated a n d I really w a n t e d t o a v o i d  producing  [ R e s p o n d e n t - s u b j e c t - i n t e r v i e w e e b e g i n s r e a d i n g f r o m another j o u r n a l entry.]  another 'pretend' mess like that stupid teachers' survey idea I had. ['They' made me.] I thought I would have to come up with a study which fit quantitative/qualitative modes somehow and that I didn't know how to do it. Instead, I still wanted to get to the business of analysing community-related curriculum. So I went to Dr. M~'s office and explained community-related curriculum to him from my notion, my bias, through my eight year practice. . . . He was quite helpful and told me that I would be describing the parameters of the definition; the criteria of constructs for the definition and trying to assess the adequacy of the definition.  The  [Interviewee's  b o l d i n g . ] ( C a l l i o u t o A l e x a n d e r , M a r c h 1, 1 9 9 1 , p. 2).  M a r c h 1, 1 9 9 1 , m e e t i n g w i t h D r . M . m e a n t m u c h .  form ofknowledge-production. terminology? textbooks.  Y e t , I h a d t o f i g h t f o r m i n d as a v i a b l e  H o w d o e s o n e dress u p t h i n k i n g w i t h m e t h d o l o g i c a l  I r e m e m b e r e d m y logic course.  I d i d go to the library a n d I re-examined  some  I d i d n o t e v e n c o n s i d e r t h a t I w o u l d m a k e k n o w l e d g e , that is, a c e r t a i n t y a b o u t  e v e n t s a n d c o n d i t i o n s as t h e y t r u l y are. experiences.  I k n o w I create experiences; ah, o r e x p e r i e n c e  A l t h o u g h s o m e t i m e s I just h a v e e x p e r i e n c e s v e r y u n c o n s c i o u s l y .  I struggle to make  59 s e n s e of, m a k e m e a n i n g f r o m t h e s e e x p e r i e n c e s ; b u t m a k i n g k n o w l e d g e w a s n ' t part o f m y agenda.  I w a s g o i n g t o p r o d u c e a d e f i n i t i o n using Copi's (1982) Introduction t o Logic.  T o get  c l e a r a b o u t t h e useage of a term - word(s), r a n d o m a l p h a b e t i c a l s e q u e n c e s w h i c h w e assign a n d a g r e e t o as h a v i n g m e a n i n g - is a t h o u g h t f u l , r i g o r o u s p r o c e s s ; b u t I d i d n ' t s e n s e t h a t I w a s m a k i n g this c l e a r t o the c o u r s e lecturers. I w a n t e d t o understand h o w I w a s c o n c e p t u a l i z i n g a n d using this term: c o m m u n i t y - b a s e d curricula. about.  A t least, D r . A. h a d f i g u r e d o u t w h a t I w a s o n  I t h i n k at that t i m e I b e l i e v e d that if I d i d s o m e s e r i o u s s e l f - r e f l e c t i o n h e r e I w o u l d r e t u r n  to t h e f i e l d a n d b e m o r e s k i l l f u l l y adept in translating this c o n c e p t t o p r a c t i t i o n e r s w h o w e r e u s i n g a c o m m u n i t y - b a s e d c u r r i c u l a r a p p r o a c h , o r w e r e ready t o try this a p p r o a c h .  Interviewer: p e r c e i v e d as u s e f u l ?  A n d , t h i s p h i l o s o p h i c a l , er, l i n g u i s t i c , or, c o n c e p t u a l  a p p r o a c h wasn't  Er, v a l i d ?  Asking M e H o w I "Do Data"  Interviewee:  In r e t r o s p e c t , I t h i n k - f e e l that I a m a r g u i n g that p h i l o s o p h y  legitimate f o r m of e n g a g e d research.  is s t i l l a  P h i l o s o p h e r s j u s t don't c o u n t a n d i n t e r v i e w a n d " d o d a t a "  as Patti L a t h e r s c o l d s ( 1 9 9 1 , pp. 123-125).  O f c o u r s e , at 1 9 9 1 , I'm n o t t h e r e y e t w i t h a  p o s t p o s i t i v i s t i c , d e c o n s t r u c t i o n i s t , p o s t - C o l u m b u s i a n , post-paradigmatic, o r a n y o t h e r sort o f p o s t - o u t l o o k , r e a d y t o " q u e s t i o n t h e b a s i c a s s u m p t i o n s o f w h a t it m e a n s t o d o s c i e n c e " ( L a t h e r , 1991,  pp. 6-7).  So, i n t h i s letter, I s p e a k o f ' p r e t e n d i n g ' t o c o n s t r u c t a s u r v e y m a s q u e r a d e  m e t h o d o l o g y design.  I a l l o w myself t o engage fully in t h e pretense; f a k i n g product(ion) w i t h a  p a r a l l e l c o n s c i o u s n e s s t h a t I c o u l d 'think' it u p o n m y o w n , w h i c h I d o b y c o n s t r u c t i n g t h i s i n d u c t i v e a r g u m e n t ; I f i g h t w i t h p u z z l e m e n t that I h a v e t o g o a n d l o c a t e i n f o r m a n t s t o l e g i t i m a t e what I might think-feel-discover. University.  I h a d not e x p e c t e d this type of defensiveness  t o o c c u r at  I t h i n k m y larger fear w a s b e i n g able to a n s w e r satisfactorily, t o myself, m y q u e s t i o n  60 about the 'essential' nature of a g e n u i n e c o m m u n i t y education  field trip experience.  I think-felt I  k n e w I had t o d e f e n d the eventual answer; I h a d not anticipated h a v i n g t o s o strenously d e f e n d the m e t h o d of l o c a t i n g a n a n s w e r o r d i s c u s s i n g the l e g i t i m a c y of p h i l o s o p h y of a t h e o r e t i c a l d e f i n i t i o n .  I h a d n o t a n t i c i p a t e d that s c h o a r l y w o r k is a risk.  inthe construction I think-felt I  t h o u g h t - f e l t that u n i v e r s i t i e s w e r e f i l l e d w i t h a l l t h e s e ' g e n t l e m a n l y ' t y p e s ; that, s o m e h o w , a l l intellectuals were also quite well- mannered.  A n d , in retrospect, I d i d not c o m e here t o D O  S C I E N C E [ I n t e r v i e w e e d i d a c t u a l l y speak i n c a p i t a l letters. I c o u l d h e a r the e x t r e m e emphasis.] I t h i n k t h e s o u n d s o f t r a i n s c r a s h i n g w o u l d b e a p t at t h i s p o i n t . [ L a u g h t e r o n tape.]  RATTLE-RATTLE-RATTLE-RATTLE  Fortunately, t h e d a y e n d e d a f f i r m a t i v e l y w i t h Dr. M. g i v i n g  me an extension o n my  E D U C 5 0 8 assignment, leaving me feeling  good to be out of the cumbersome possibility of the teachers' survey because it was such descriptive work with not as much room for interpretation as this. I like the 'total thinking' aspect of this topic  (Calliou to Alexander,  M a r c h 1, 1 9 9 1 , p. 3).  Dr. M.'s o f f i c e is n o t t h e o n l y l o c a t i o n a n d t i m e I w i l l d e f e n d m y c o n c e p t u a l  analysis  techniques.  I'll d o t h a t r i g h t t o t h e c o n c l u s i o n o f t h e d e f e n s e o f t h e M a s t e r ' s t h e s i s . S e l f - g e n e r a t e d  mind-work  s e e m s , s o m e h o w , s u s p e c t t o s o m e here.  However, it is very difficult [for me right now] to develop this conceptual analysis design methodology and even trying a preliminary skim through  61  describing how I will approach 'studying' the development of a definition is really difficult. How does not describe 'thinking'? I enjoyed how C--H-and I camped this up in the C - - Restaurant Friday evening where the researcher would sit in smokery cafes, drinking coffee (capacinnos), studying the racing forms, throwing the Ching, discussing the 'concept' with restaurant 'regulars' and basically mulling&stewing  (Calliou to  Alexander,  p e r s o n a l c o m m u n i c a t i o n , M a r c h 4, 1 9 9 1 , p. 1).  Interviewer: February of 1994  you  Yet, eventually, m u l l i n g & s t e w i n g ,  s t i c k s as y o u r p r e f e r r e d a p p r o a c h ? B y  state,  I used to j o k e a b o u t m y Master's research and  s t a t e d that m y m e t h o d o l o g y  c o n s i s t e d m a i n l y o f r e a d i n g , s m o k i n g , d r i n k i n g (coffee), q u e s t i o n i n g , s k e t c h i n g and You  t a l k i n g (to m y s e l f ) ( C a l l i o u , 1 9 9 4 ,  F e b r u a r y , p. 73).  didn't b e c o m e a n e t h n o g r a p h e r or statistical analyst?  Interviewee: product.  I  Y e s , t o t h e first q u e s t i o n .  had to count,  Yes, to the s e c o n d .  I m e a n l o o k at t h e f i n a l M.A.  [Interviewee's e m p h a s i s ] l i t e r a l l y c o u n t , q u a n t i f y t h e n u m b e r o f t i m e s  p a r t i c u l a r c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s a p p e a r e d i n c o m m u n i t y e d u c a t i o n texts.  The  appendices (Calliou,  1992,  pp. 1 9 7 - 2 0 5 ) a r e l i t t e r e d w i t h t a b l e s o f t a b u l a t i o n t o c o n f i r m w e a k o r s t r o n g s u b s t a n t i a t i o n o f m y self-selected c o d i n g of features of c o m m u n i t y e d u c a t i o n theory.  I r e m e m b e r f e e l i n g p u z z l e d that  t h e r e q u e s t , no, i n v i t a t i o n , t o g e n e r a t e o r i g i n a l r e s e a r c h is here, but, ah, that I m u s t d o c u m e n t t h e o r i g i n a l research, in this case, w i t h the thoughts (quantified) of others.  I become an ethnographer  in t h a t I j u s t i f y t h a t I i n t e r v i e w e d c o m m u n i t y e d u c a t i o n t e x t b o o k s t o d e v e l o p t h i s p h i l o s o p h i c a l study to c o n s t r u c t a theoretical d e f i n i t i o n of c o m m u n i t y - b a s e d c u r r i c u l a .  But w h e n I  t h i n k - f e e l - r e c a l l that w h o l e p e r i o d n o w o f f l e d g l i n g r e s e a r c h e r , I j u s t get t r e m e n d o u s l y w e a r y . I  62 felt tortured; c o n s u m e d  w i t h self-doubt.  T h i s u n e a s y q u e a s i n e s s is r e l a t e d t o p a t r i a r c h a l  p r i v i l e g i n g of rationality, m e a n s of m a k i n g rational, a n d , ah, the,  acceptable forms of expression.  I d o n ' t y e t c a p t u r e t h e i r i m p a c t s o n m y l i f e r i g h t t h e n as I s t r o l l N i t o b e G a r d e n s ( m u l l i n g & m u s i n g ) o r sit s o m e w h e r e i n t h e s u n s h i n e .  T h e emotional erosion of having to explain  t h a t m u l l i n g & m u s i n g is v a l i d , l e g i t i m a t e , a n d c r e d i b l e as a m e a n s t o f e r r e t o u t ' s t u f f t h a t c o n t r a d i c t s m y a n t i c i p a t i o n t h a t I c a m e t o U n i v e r s i t y t o t h i n k t h o s e 'deep t h o u g h t s ' . [ E x t e n d e d s o u n d s o f laughter.] I d o not d e n o u n c e quantitative or q u a l i t a t i v e m e t h o d o l o g i e s , p e r se ; a l t h o u g h I w i l l b e c o m e rather j a u n d i c e d many methods -  a n d attack t h e inherent e u r o c e n t r i s m  o n e s w e h a v e n o t e v e n c o n c e i v e d as yet.  b y 1994. I b e l i e v e there are I d o not w i s h to enter the  d i c h o t o m o u s debate of qualitative versus quantitative. I c a m e here t o a n s w e r a question for myself; not t o rove the countryside w i t h a c l i p b o a r d or a tape recorder.  Idid not anticipate the  v o l u m e o f e m o t i o n a l strength I w o u l d h a v e t o turn u p i n order t o s u r v i v e d e f e n d i n g that I o n l y needed to think about something.  T h a t is v i o l e n c e I d o n o t u n d e r s t a n d .  w o u l d ask w h y Dewey's writing-thoughts-intuitions were considered  In t e a s i n g i n q u i r i e s , I  insightful and/or c r e d i b l e ,  w h e n b o o k s l i k e D e m o c r a c y a n d E d u c a t i o n ( 1 9 6 6 ; O r i g . 1 9 1 6 ) o r his E x p e r i e n c e a n d (1963; O r i g . 1938) are not constructed  o n t h e basis of e v e n o n e questionnaire.  education  Isometimes joke  that J o h n w o u l d n ' t s u r v i v e a d o c t o r a l d e f e n s e here b e c a u s e e v e r y o n e w o u l d d e m a n d h e i d e n t i f y and  t h e n d i s s e c t his m e t h o d o l o g y . Y e t his p h i l o s o p h i c a l e x p l o r a t i o n s , t h a t is, s e t t i n g o u t his  thoughts in a readable form, influence generations  of intending  teachers.  S o m e h o w w e have c o m e to p l a c e (over)emphasis o n scientific process rather than p r o d u c t a n d that l i n k s into the p o w e r of a n institution t o l e g i t i m a t e l e g i t i m a t e - t h a t is, a u t h e n t i c a t e d , v a l i d , c o n f i r m e d - as a production  [Interviewee's e m p h a s i s ] .  what  will count and  form-technique  what  of k n o w l e d g e  I a m not yet asking, like s o m e others, for e x a m p l e  Lather  is  63 ( 1 9 9 1 ) , "To w h a t e x t e n t d o e s m e t h o d p r i v i l e g e f i n d i n g s ? " (p. 124).  W h e n I d o , I h o w l that  question.  Conceptual Analysis  I d i d not a n t i c i p a t e f e e l i n g so e m o t i o n a l l y stressed just b e c a u s e I was self-deliberation. thinking which one took me cetera.  engaged in  Y e t , it is t h e e m o t i o n a l t u r m o i l f o l l o w i n g , p a r a l l e l i n g , c o m p l e m e n t i n g  gives me  strength, in a way,  a s i d e to teach me  how  A l t h o u g h I d i r e c t l y ask m y  directives given. I returned to my  to c o m p l e t e this battle. The  b a f f l i n g p a r t is t h a t n o  t o 'do' c o n c e p t u a l a n a l y s i s o r t a x o n o m i c c a t e g o r i z a t i o n o r et c o m m i t t e e to give me  relevant references, there w e r e  logic textbooks and basic philosophy textbooks  (re)self-taught m y s e l f s o m e b a s i c s .  my  I r e t u r n t o H i r s t a n d Peter's ( 1 9 7 9 ) , i n T h e  no  and  L o g i c of E d u c a t i o n ,  o r i g i n a l l y p u b l i s h e d i n 1 9 7 0 , a n d t h e i r e x p l i c a t i o n o f c o n c e p t u a l a n a l y s i s as u s e f u l m e t h o d o l o g y t o a n s w e r q u e s t i o n s l i k e , " W h a t is . . . ?," w h e r e t h o u g h t f u l a n a l y s i s m a k e s l o g i c a l l y e x p l i c i t t h e a p p r o p r i a t e c o n d i t i o n s f o r u s a g e o f c o n c e p t s (pp. 3-5). to d e m a n d ,  "Whose concepts?"  H o w e v e r , Peters a n d  O f c o u r s e , I'm r i l e d u p a g a i n w h e n I start H i r s t ( 1 9 7 9 ; O r i g . 1 9 7 0 ) stress t h a t s u c h  a n a l y s i s " c a n n o t b e d o n e a d e q u a t e l y b y j u s t e x a m i n i n g t h e use o f w o r d s i n a n y way"  as w o r d s a r e l i n g u i s t i c a l l y , s o c i a l l y , c o n t e x t u a l l y e m b e d d e d a n d  self-contained  linked with knowledge  e x p e r i e n c e (p. 8). T h e r e f o r e , c o n c e p t u a l a n a l y s i s is a b o u t p r e c i s i n g as o r d i n a r y l a n g u a g e is a r e c o r d o f c o n n e c t i o n s a n d d i s t i n c t i o n s that m e n w o m e n ] w i t h predominantly practical purposes  [and  h a v e f o u n d it i m p o r t a n t t o m a k e .  It is t h e r e f o r e a v a l u a b l e g u i d e , b u t it s h o u l d n e v e r b e t r e a t e d as a r e p o s i t o r y o f u n q u e s t i o n a b l e w i s d o m (p. 8). In m y  case s o m e of these c o n n e c t i o n s a n d d i s t i n c t i o n s are pretty d e e p l y h i s t o r i c a l l y e m b e d d e d  w i t h i n t h e e v e n t s of c o l o n i a l i s m , c o l o n i z a t i o n , et c e t e r a .  and  Interviewer: I d o n ' t r e c a l l H i r s t o r Peters g e t t i n g i n t o c o l o n i a l i s m as a k e y f a c t o r i n q u e s t i o n i n g the e m b e d d e d n e s s .  Whose  Consructs?  Interviewee: N o , I but I t a k e d i r e c t i o n f r o m t h e i r o u t l i n e o f m e t h o d a n d do.  However,  w h e t h e r m e n o r w o m e n , t h e p o i n t of c o n c e p t u a l a n a l y s i s is t o c l a r i f y d i s t i n c t i o n s t h a t w o r d s h a v e b e e n d e v e l o p e d o r i n v e n t e d t o d e s i g n a t e , t h a t is, "to get a b e t t e r g r a s p o f t h e s i m i l a r i t i e s a n d d i f f e r e n c e s t h a t it is p o s s i b l e t o p i c k o u t " (Ibid., p. 8). T h e locate, h o p e f u l l y , essential features of a construct.  i n t e n t is t o s t r i p t h e f u z z i n e s s a n d  I g u e s s t h i s c o u l d b e c r i t i q u e d as a r o m a n t i c  o r d o g m a t i c q u e s t f o r e s s e n t i a l i s m , o p e n t o s e v e r e r e j e c t i o n as N e o - P l a t o n i s t o r g u i l t y o f G r a n d Narrating.  H o w e v e r , I b e l i e v e t h e r e is a great d e a l of d i f f e r e n c e b e t w e e n t h e i d e n t i f i c a t i o n o f  essentials t o assist m e a n i n g - m a k i n g a n d the (un)ethical issues a s s o c i a t e d w i t h essentials u p o n others. on  i m p o s i t i o n of  For e x a m p l e , the nature and c o n t e n t of E u r o c u r r i c u l a f o r c i b l y i m p o s e d  P F N A i l l u s t r a t e s h o w s o m e e s s e n t i a l s a r e d e e m e d o f m o r e v a l u e , w o r t h i e r , b e t t e r , et c e t e r a .  R a c i a l , g e n d e r o r o t h e r base-bias t o w o r d s is r a c i s m , s e x i s m , et c e t e r a . So, I a m n e v e r e a s y w i t h t h e r e s e a r c h p r o c e s s . process.  I k e e p q u e s t i o n i n g the s o l i d i t y of c o n c e p t s a n d  I a m a l w a y s f u s s i n g w i t h aspects of this constructs w i t h the questions.  Interviewer: M o r e q u e s t i o n s ? lnterviewee:Yes, f o r e x a m p l e s : W h a t ' s t h i s m e a n t o me?"  " W h a t is t h i s t e r m t o r e p r e s e n t ? "  "What going on  here?"  For e x a m p l e , ' C a n a d i a n s ' is a c o n s t r u c t a n d immemorial.  not one  very o l d in c o m p a r i s o n w i t h t i m e  I w o u l d feel a n x i o u s l y u n e a s y w h e n I d i s c o v e r e d statements relating to the fact that  t h i s is b o t h a c o n s t r u c t a n d Canadian  "What's t h i s m e a n ? "  a powerful  one.  For e x a m p l e , M e n n o B o l d t ( 1 9 9 4 ) w r i t e s t h a t t h e  ' n a t i o n a l i n t e r e s t ' is an a r t i f i c i a l c o n s t r u c t , a d e v i c e o f t h e r e i g n i n g C a n a d i a n ' e s t a b l i s h m e n t ' f o r a s s e r t i n g its p o l i t i c a l , e c o n o m i c , a n d C a n a d i a n nation.  social h e g e m o n y o v e r the  It is u s e d t o c r e a t e t h e i l l u s i o n t h a t t h e r e e x i s t s a n a t i o n a l  h o m o g e n e i t y of interests, and  that [ C a n a d i a n F e d e r a l ] g o v e r n m e n t p o l i c i e s a r e  d e s i g n e d t o p r o m o t e t h e s e i n t e r e s t s . T h u s , it s e r v e s t o l e g i t i m a t e g o v e r n m e n t policies.  B u t c l e a r l y t h e ' n a t i o n a l i n t e r e s t ' is not a r r i v e d at b y a n y r a t i o n a l  c a l c u l a t i o n s , r e f e r e n c e d t o t h e ' n a t i o n a l g o o d ' as d e f i n e d b y t h e m a j o r i t y o f Canadians.  M o r e o f t e n t h a n not, a s s e s s m e n t s a n d  d e f i n i t i o n s of the 'national  interest' are m a d e b e h i n d c l o s e d doors - p o l i t i c a l , bureaucratic, and w h e r e o n l y t h e v o i c e s of t h e p o w e r f u l are h e a r d . T h e w e l l - d e f i n e d or precise n o t i o n ( M e n n o Boldt, 1993, As I am  connecting  ' n a t i o n a l i n t e r e s t ' is n o t a  p. 67).  t h i s o b s e r v a t i o n o f ' n a t i o n a l ' (i.e. C a n a d i a n ) i n t e r e s t w i t h s c h o o l i n g  acculturation - for P F N A , I am  questing and  c o u n t e r - h e g e m o n i c efforts r e q u i r e d and  understanding-appreciating  considering how  as t h e m e a n s t o k e e p  o f n a t i o n a l i n t e r e s t s as  I see t h e w h o l e t h i n g - h i s / h e r / o u r s t o r y b u i l t i n l a n g u a g e a n d t o u n b u i l d that l a n g u a g e - or, at least, f o r me,  l a n g u a g e h o u s e , o r fort, is s o c i a l l y - b e l i e v e d a n d  I begin  l o o k t h r o u g h that l a n g u a g e . T h i s  very solid.  I s e e s c h o o l i n g f o r P F N A as m o r e t h a n c u l t u r a l l y - s e n s i t i v e c u r r i c u l a r e x p e r i e n c e s ; very political - and  spiritual.  where cultural-communities life to strive to c o n t i n u e (herein:  AFN)  addressing  a t t e m p t t o s u r v i v e as D e w e y o b s e r v e d t h a t it is "the v e r y n a t u r e o f  i n b e i n g " ( D e w e y , 1 9 6 6 [ 1 9 1 5 ] , p. 9). T h e  The  A s s e m b l y o f First N a t i o n s  p e o p l e have b e g u n to v i e w e d u c a t i o n  major social, e c o n o m i c and  ( C h a r l e s t o n , p. 10).  it is a l l  C o u n t e r - h e g e m o n i c w o r k is t h e s u b t e x t t o t h e g r a n d n a r r a t i v e  ( 1 9 8 8 ) s t a t e d that F N  -  the serious nature of  m a d e by P F N A to utilize e d u c a t i o n  f u t u r e P F N A c i t i z e n s a w a r e - a w a k e as t o t h e n a t u r e o f t h e p e r v a s i v e n e s s related to P F N A .  corporate -  as a v e h i c l e f o r  p o l i t i c a l p r o b l e m s that a f f e c t t h e i r c o m m u n i t i e s "  d i f f i c u l t y f o r P F N A is that t h e i m m i g r a n t s u n d e r s t a n d t h e s u r v i v a l  66 i n s t i n c t , b u t s o m e h o w r a t h e r t h a n r e s p e c t i n g - r e v e r e n c i n g a l l l i f e f o r m s , t h e r e is n e e d t o d e v i s e m e a n s t o e n s u r e t h a t f o r m s o f l i f e n o t 'strive t o c o n t i n u e i n being'. Interviewer: S o y o u r r e a d i n g of t e x t b e c o m e s c o n f u s i n g ?  Or, your locational subjectivity  d e m a n d s i n t e r r o g a t i o n o f text?  Interviewee:  Y e s , s o m e t h i n g l i k e that. S o m e e v e n t o r p r o m p t o r i n s t i n c t o r s o m e t h i n g  inside of m e motivates  m e to give curious double/triple/quadruple readings to e d u c a t i o n a l  theorists, like D e w e y , because w h e n I t h r o w m y baggage o n D e w e y the statements c o n t a i n a n unintended hypocrisy. his  A l t h o u g h I w o n d e r that D e w e y n e v e r a c k n o w l e d g e s t h e First P e o p l e s o f  area. So, w h a t I a m l e a r n i n g as a n o v i c e c o n c e p t u a l  a n a l y s t (or, w h a t e v e r I a m ) a n d  about  theories of s o c i o c u l t u r a l (re)production and/or destruction, I a m t u r n i n g these insights-thoughts-feelings towards other constructs and past-present-future and m a k i n g sense and  the lives of The  People. And,  the d a i l y reality of m y life er, I a m f e e l i n g l i k e e v e r y t h i n g is n o t  m a k i n g horrific sense.  I f i n d it's O.K. t o ( d e ) c o n s t r u c t , t o r e a l l y i n t e r r o g a t e a c c e p ( t e d ) ( a b l e ) ( p e r c e p ) ( p r o p o s i ) t i o n s in o r d e r t o e x p l o r e t h e n a t u r e of c o r e - p e r i p h e r y o r c e n t e r e d - d e c e n t e r e d et c e t e r a . o n t o the events and  c o n d i t i o n s of "Indians" and  m a g n i t u d e of the horror.  I turn that  I resist t h e h o r r o r as I c o m p r e h e n d  the  M y u n g u i d e d studies introduce m e to too m a n y c o n t r a d i c t i o n s and I  begin to a c c e p t using the term  genocide. And, genocide is not only physical death  [Interviewee's d e f i n i t e e m p h a s i s ] . [ I n t e r v i e w e r d u t i f u l l y c h e c k s tape r e c o r d i n g .  O b s e r v e s that tape seems to b e t u r n i n g  i n a c l o c k w i s e d i r e c t i o n and is d u l y satisfied.]  Interviewer:  L a n g u a g e Arts:  S o y o u r E u r o W e s t e r n l o g i c a c c u l t u r a t i o n g r o u n d s this study?  Language & Thought  67  Interviewee:  M a y b e . A m I thinking like a ' W h i t e ' p e r s o n ?  I start a s k i n g t h a t o f m y s e l f .  Is t h e r e a ' w h i t e ' w a y t o t h i n k - f e e l - i d e a ? C a n I t h i n k l i k e a Mohawk/Cree/Stoney/Sioux/French/English person? q u a l i t y , er, f o r m o f t h i n k i n g ? pattern.  D o e s the mix  of b l o o d d e t e r m i n e the  That's t o o b i o g e n e t i c a l l y d e t e r m i n i s t i c , isn't it? B l o o d  type,  = thinking  E v e n t u a l l y , I j u s t k n o w I t h i n k - f e e l - s e n s e l i k e m y s e l f - l i k e S h a r i l y n . A n d S h a r i l y n is a  w h o l e c o n s t e l l a t i o n of i n t e r c o n n e c t e d  m o m e n t s , s o m e I a m not e v e n a w a r e o f y e t a n d  m a y never  be.  Interviewer: interconnections?  But this post-secondary self-study adds to y o u r a w a r e n e s s of e x t e r n a l  E s p e c i a l l y in r e a d i n g the language a b o u t c o l o n i z a t i o n ?  Interviewee:  Y e s , u n e x p e c t e d r e s e a r c h o p p o r t u n i t y t o ask t h e q u e s t i o n , "Just h o w  c o l o n i z e d a m I?" If I a m c o l o n i s e d b e y o n d s a l v a t i o n , t h e n I a m r u e f u l , r e g r e t f u l , a b o u t b e i n g s o c o l o n i s e d w i t h a s p e c t s of t h i s f o r m of t h i n k i n g - a n a l y s i n g . for m e here b e c a u s e the l o g i c of c o n c e p t u a l  H o w e v e r , t h e e m o t i o n a l a n t e is u p p e d  a n a l y s i s itself is ( o v e r ) t u r n e d .  R o l a n d C h r i s j o h n , is a l w a y s o n a b o u t l a n g u a g e . C u r i o u s , I v i s i t w i t h h i m big deal about language?"  A n O n e i d a scholar, and  ask, " W h a t ' s t h e  I, s o m e ( h o w ) ( t i m e ) ( w h e r e ) , i n t e r n a l i z e d t h a t w o r d s a r e n o t r e a l i t y ; j u s t  ( r e ) p r e s e n t a t i o n s ; H o w e v e r , it s e e m s o t h e r s v i e w w o r d s as IT. l a n g u a g e has m a t e r i a l f o r c e .  For e x a m p l e , if y o u  I've y e t t o r e a l l y c o n n e c t t h a t  are w o r d e d a s " I n d i a n , " t h e n w a t c h  out  b e c a u s e that w o r d - n o u n - d e s i g n a t i o n a p p e a r s to s a n c t i o n a w h o l e n u m b e r of a c t i o n s , e m o t i o n s , beliefs, opinions and continue  thoughts. A n y w a y , R o l a n d sics W i t t g e n s t e i n o n m e and  I delightfully  m y d e l i g h t in(with)(in) words.  W i t t g e n s t e i n (1990), w r i t i n g in 1922,  c o n f i r m s m y u n d e r s t a n d i n g that  O b j e c t s I can o n l y name. Signs represent them.  I can o n l y s p e a k of  c a n n o t assert t h e m . A p r o p o s i t i o n c a n o n l y say  h o w a t h i n g is, n o t  ( L i n e 3.221, p. 49).  them. I what  it is  68 W i t t g e n s t e i n uses the personal p r o n o u n  in his work.  F o r me, that's s i g n i f i c a n t .  H e w r i t e s as  L u d w i g , n o t a s a V i e n n e s e . Y o u don't f i n d h i s b o o k s i n t h e V i e n n e s e o r i n t h e C a t h o l i c - h e w a s b a p t i s e d - sections of the library. A n d , this c o n n e c t s to m y u n d e r s t a n d i n g of bias a n d w i l l b e e v i d e n t i n t h e w o r d s I c h o o s e f o r W i t t g e n s t e i n c a u t i o n s that " l a n g u a g e d i s g u i s e s t h e t h o u g h t " (p. 6 3 , 4.002).  T h e potential of (mis)using w o r d s reminds m e of the need to think-feel before I  speak a n d to b e honest.  I m a y state facts, b u t I m i g h t n o t b e s p e a k i n g t h e t r u t h .  T h e r e is, f o r  me, s u c h a n e n o r m o u s r e m i n d e r of the r e s p o n s i b i l i t y of i n t r o d u c i n g a n y o n e t o a c o n c e p t , o r construct, through words. And  a w h o l e lotta w o r d s a r e u s e d t o c o n s t r u c t p r o p o s i t i o n s ; t o g e t c l e a r i n a l o g i c a l  f o r m u l a t i o n - l i k e a s y l l o g i s m w i t h t h e a c c o m p a n y i n g t r u t h t a b l e s . A n d , I get q u i t e s t a r t l e d b e c a u s e l o g i c is o n l y l o g i c after a l l .  P r o p o s i t i o n s a r e b u t m o d e l s o r p i c t u r e s o f 'reality',  a r t i c u l a t e d p e r c e p t i o n s - ( p e r c e p ) ( p r o p o s i ) t i o n s e m b e d d e d w i t h i n o t h e r ( p e r c e p ) ( p r o p o s i ) t i o n s (see, f o r e x a m p l e s , W i t t g e n s t e i n , 1 9 9 0 , p. 6 3 , L i n e 4.01; p. 6 7 , L i n e 4.021; 1 9 6 9 , p. 3 0 e , L i n e 2 2 5 ) . H e states,  What I hold fast to is not one proposition, but a web of propositions.  A n d , s o m e of the C a n a d i a n c i t i z e n s are h o l d i n g o n t o a n u m b e r of d i s e m p o w e r i n g ( p e r c e p ) ( p r o p o s i ) t i o n s , as a r e w e . In l o g i c , v a l i d i t y is n o t t o b e e q u i v o c a t e d w i t h 'truth'. W i t t g e n s t e i n ( 1 9 9 0 ) d i s t i n g u i s h e s o f t e n w h a t is ( u n ) k n o w n ( a b l e ) f r o m w h a t is b e l i e v e d ; a n d , a h , o f t e n w h a t is b e l i e v e d t o b e k n o w n is b a s e d m o r e o n f a i t h o r f o r c e o f r e a s o n t h a n c e r t a i n t y (see, for example,  W i t t g e n s t e i n , 1 9 6 9 , pp. 3 2 e - 3 3 e , L i n e s 2 4 0 - 2 5 5 ) .  And, s o m e h o w contemplating  h i s o b s e r v a t i o n c o n f i r m s m y s e n s e that t h i s is a s o c i a l l y - b e l i e v e d - u n d e r s t o o d w o r l d ; w h i c h , f o r me, p o s s e s s e s m o r e i m p a c t t h a n j u s t t a l k i n g a b o u t a s o c i a l l y - c o n s t r u c t e d w o r l d - r e a l i t y . So, i n t h i s t h i n k - t a n k - o f - o n e - n o n - s c i e n t i f i c - i n v e s t i g a t i o n , I g e t d o w n t o b a s i c s - w o r d s a s b u i l d i n g b l o c k s ; w o r d s ( r e ) p r e s e n t i n g c o n s t r u c t s a n d p r o p o s i t i o n s a n d it's a s o c i o l i n g u i s t i c a l l y - c o n s t r u c t e d reality w i t h m i g h t y material force. A n d , there are r e m i n d e r s that w e be careful what/how w e speak because W O R D S H A V E POWER!.  RA TTLE-RA TTLE-RA TTLE-RA TTLE  Not Language Arts, But Language  Warring  Interviewer: S o t h e M.A. is m o r e a b o u t g e t t i n g c l e a r a b o u t a c o n s t r u c t , t h a t i s , c o m m u n i t y - b a s e d c u r r i c u l u m a n d further post-secondary  studies motivate y o u to consider more  d e e p l y t h e i n f l u e n c e , ah, interconnectedness o f language a n d reality? Interviewee:  H h h m m m . . . yes.  I g u e s s that if I h a d b e e n a c q u a i n t e d w i t h s o m e o f t h e s e  i d e a s ( m a t e r i a l i t y , i d e o l o g i c a l r e p r o d u c t i o n , etc.), t h e 1 9 9 2 M.A. m i g h t h a v e b e e n i n t e r e s t i n g , if not, s c a r y stuff. A n d , t h e s e a r e p l a c e s c o m m u n i t y e d u c a t o r s n e e d t o start l o o k i n g . B u t I w a s n ' t there yet, s o I construct this seven o r eight-step i n d u c t i v e a r g u m e n t frame.  Interviewer:  A n d , in the process y o u p r o d u c e a n d defend the thesis based o n the  "formulation of the inductive argument to hypothesis framed for c o m m u n i t y education a n d c u r r i c u l u m i n c o m m u n i t y e d u c a t i o n " ( C a l l i o u , 1 9 9 2 , J u l y , p p . 26-28)?  Interviewee:  O h , Yes!  Y e s , I d e f e n d & d e f e n d f o r 3.5 h o u r s .  a n d J. S. a r e t h e r e i n t h e r o o m a s w i t n e s s e s .  I a m grateful m y c o u s i n  Y o u ' v e r e a d it?!  Interviewer: A v i d l y .  Interviewee:  [ M o r e laughter.] Y o u r q u o t a t i o n a l o n e i l l u s t r a t e s t h e e m o t i o n a l - s p i r i t u a l  v i o l e n c e that o c c u r r e d against m y style of w r i t i n g .  I'm n o t s a y i n g I'm a p e r f e c t w r i t e r . I  t h i n k - f e e l t h a t s o m e e a r l i e r d r a f t s o f m y t h e s i s d i d h a v e s o m e c o l o u r f u l (if n o t p a s s i o n a t e l y p u r p l e ) a n d c o n v o l u t e d s t r e t c h e s ; h o w e v e r , t h e v i o l e n c e o f r e m o v a l o f "me" f r o m m y o w n p a g e s is s t i l l a s o u r c e o f w o n d e r a n d h o r r o r . A s a t e a c h e r o f t e n y e a r s , p r i m a r i l y l a n g u a g e arts o r language-across mine violated.  the-curriculum focused, I never savaged student creations the w a y I w i t n e s s e d Thesis revisions a n d rewrites w e r e a very d e m o r a l i z i n g process, I describe thusly.  70  Meanwhile . . . and I were locked in some sort of unnamed struggle in ... office about the revisions to my thesis. The mtgs. were few; but seemed strewn with subtext that even the most skilled directoress would have had difficulty unweaving. The plot was becoming nonsensical. I reverted to old, old patterns of withdraw, withdraw, withdraw . . . until I was locked into drawing boxes of faceless people with tears stuffed inside the head. . . . was abusive - who knows what buttons ... I pushed? personal  (Calliou to Flaherty,  c o m m u n i c a t i o n , D e c e m b e r 2 8 , 1 9 9 2 , p. 1).  T h e w o m a n I h i r e d as t y p i s t a n d e d i t o r , b a r e l y m a n a g e s t o s t o m a c h t h e r e q u i r e d r e v i s i o n s . I'd h e a r h e r s h r i e k f r o m t h e o t h e r o f f i c e , I'd s m i l e a n d s h o u t b a c k at h e r t o j u s t m a k e t h e c h a n g e s as suggested. H o w e v e r , w h e n I e x a m i n e t h e f i n a l p r o d u c t , I m a r v e l at t h e c l i n i c a l s a n i t a t i o n o f t h e pages.  A c o m p a r i s o n o f t h i s Ph.D. d i s s e r t a t i o n w i t h that M.A. t h e s i s t e l l s a l l . Y e t , I s u r v i v e . I  f o u n d a n a u d i e n c e ; a n i n d u l g e n t a u d i e n c e ; a l t h o u g h I still retreat i n t o t h a t neat, s c h o l a r l y s t y l e at times.  I t h i n k I lost s o m e trust i n m y s e l f , i n m y u n o r t h o d o x f o r m o f ( r e ) p r e s e n t a t i o n ( s ) , lost s o m e  self-confidence in the playful delight I have with language, composing, writing, m u l l i n g & m u s i n g . In a l e t t e r I d e s c r i b e w r i t i n g a n e a r l i e r p a p e r f o r a r e q u i r e d Ph.D. s e m i n a r .  I had cleared the skids and researched-composed a paper for Dr. W~'s class . . . The assignment was to select a doctoral dissertation and deconstruct (analyze, thoughtfully consider, examine) the research methodology and expose underlying assumptions. This felt like a fancy book review. This was the first assignment since the Masters' thesis work which I wrote to  order for the committee I had then. The writing, with its violence to my form of expression, wherein all metaphor and colour were drained and the work became an acceptable research project....  In EDCI601.C. we are  into a new Euro-generated form of thought called postmodernism (which I can't quite yet define). The writing style does emphasize pastiche, strung-together quotations (sensibly, although demanding of the reader because you must know the contexts) and the language of metaphor is O.K. Such a difference between departments. However, I was almost paralyzed as I had to write again; take that risk; expose myself to unending criticisms which was not criticism to make me a better writer but to make me write in ways I do not conceptualise or put words together. Thus, I was engaged in this piece because I could write from my position as a thirty-something Mohawk-Cree woman and use those powers of metaphor + logic + word play (punning and playing although the intention is a quirky balance between seriousness and irony). I enjoyed the piece but I did experience a sense of dread and panic because I thought about doing it wrong again! I think that -- will be accepting  ( C a l l i o u to Tebbitt, personal  communication,  F e b r u a r y 2 6 , 1 9 9 3 , pp. 2-3).  Interviewer:  P a r a d o x i c a l l y , y o u d i d n o t c o m e t o u n i v e r s i t y t o f i n d a v o i c e as w o m a n ,  l e m i c o f w o r k i n g - c l a s s b a c k g r o u n d , as " I n d i a n " , as a c r e a t i v e , n o n - f i c t i o n w r i t e r , a s archer?  72 Interviewee: N o . Y e t , u p here, I r e a l i z e t h e r e is i n v i g o r a t e d i n t e r e s t i n s p e c i f y i n g w h o is p r o d u c i n g w r i t t e n e n c o d i n g f o r w h o m , p a r t i c u l a r l y o n a n e t h n o c u l t u r a l b a s i s - i.e. W h o is s p e a k - w r i t e ( i n g ) f o r t h e H a i d a , t h e D e n e , t h e C r e e , t h e M e t i s o f R e d R i v e r , et c e t e r a . L i t C r i t is o n e a r e a w h e r e t h i s t u n n e l l i n g t h r o u g h t e x t f o r v o i c e (1990), in his editorial preface to N a t i v e W r i t e r s and  is e m e r g e n t . W. H. N e w  C a n a d i a n W r i t i n g , tracks the C a n a d i a n  N a t i v e (i.e., n o t t h e B e l g i u m o r F r e n c h N a t i v e ) a s m o r e o f t e n a " c o n v e n t i o n a l f i g u r e " o r c u r i o s i t y or romanticism  (p. 4). N e w ( 1 9 9 0 ) c o n t i n u e s that P F N A a r e n o t o f t e n a " v o i c e " i n C a n L i t , w i t h  a trend e s t a b l i s h e d to "deny N a t i v e c o m m u n i t i e s respect for their o w n history, to m a k e their o w n history contingent u p o n European perspectives, to d i s p l a c e o n e language of self-perception w i t h a s e l f - j u s t i f y i n g s u b s t i t u t e " (p. 5). I c a m e h e r e w i t h a v o i c e n o t p r e d i c a t e d s o l e l y o n t h e b a s i s o f b e i n g a P F N A , but i n t h e p r o c e s s o f  conducting research  r e c o g n i z e t h i s is a n i m p o r t a n t v o i c e t o b e h e a r d - r e a d .  [Interviewee's e m p h a s i s ] I c o m e t o  I j u s t get s h y a b o u t s h a r i n g m i n e .  M.A. W a l k A c r o s s A S t a g e  Interviewer: Y o u d o get t h e M.A.? Interviewee:  [ T r a i n l o a d s o f l a u g h t e r p r e c e d e this answer.]  Interviewer:  And,  s o m e t h i n g e l s e is g o i n g on?  Yes.  In t h e p h o t o g r a p h , y o u  w a l k across that  s t a g e w e a r i n g a b l u e - p r i n t t r e a t y dress, w i t h r i b b o n s a n d a s m a l l p i e c e o f r a b b i t f u r at t h e left knee.  Y o u ' r e n o t w e a r i n g a, ah, b l a c k r o b e . W h a t a b o u t  Interviewee:  Emotionally?  N a t i v e Indian Teacher Education  graduation?  That s m i l e s says paragraphs.  Program.  I a m really happy.  I a m also a T s " k e l grad f r o m the  H a p p y to b e w e a r i n g that dress,  s e w n b y P i m i n a Y e l l o w b i r d , V e r e n a C o o t e s , a n d others, o n the l o n g w e e k - e n d in M a y of E c s t a t i c . W h a t ' s b e e n h a p p e n i n g i n a d d i t i o n t o g r i n d i n g o u t a t h e o r e t i c a l s t u d y is a  1993.  73 s e l f - e d u c a t i o n c u r r i c u l a f l u n g m y w a y w i t h a s s i g n m e n t t o t e a c h i n g E D U C 4 4 1 a n d E D U C 4 4 2 at this university.  what we can't face looks for us anyway ( T r u d e l l , 1 9 9 4 , n.p.)  rattle-RATTLE-rattle-RATTLE RATTLE-rattle-RATTLE-rattle  Interviewer:  S o , t h i s j o u r n e y t o that stage is o n e f r a u g h t w i t h a n e m o t i o n a l l i f e , w h i c h  both wearies a n d provokes.  Y o u e m e r g e w i t h a smile of paragraphs.  n o t t a k e a b a c k s e a t , er, sit i n a b e y a n c e w h i l e y o u are t h i n k i n g t h e  T h e emotional realm does  deep thoughts  y o u c a m e here  t o t h i n k , er, t h i n k - f e e l . T h e e x e m p l a r y r e s e a r c h e r is n o t j u s t a m a c h i n e o f w h i r r i n g r a t i o n a l i t y ? S o m e h o w , if I e x t r a p o l a t e , t h e n y o u s e e m t o s u g g e s t that t h e r e is e m o t i o n , m u s t b e a n a c k n o w l e d g m e n t of the e m o t i o n i n learning. I think w e all might a d m i t t o s o m e e m o t i o n i n r e a d i n g a text. H o w e x a c t l y d o e s e m o t i o n a d d t o o r u n d e r m i n e this p e r s o n a l  journey?  More Learner Than Teacher  Interviewee:  Let's see... W h i l e i n p u r s u i t o f a M.A., I a m a l s o t e a c h i n g .  b a c k g r o u n d i n N a t i v e A b o r i g i n a l " l n d i a n " F i r s t N a t i o n s studies.  I have n o formal  D u e to the unavailability of an  i n s t r u c t o r , m y c o u s i n , M., i n v i t e d m e t o b e a S e s s i o n a l L e c t u r e r .  A s the revisions t o the thesis  a r e b e i n g ( r e ) c o n s t r u c t e d , I taste o f t e a c h i n g at t h e p o s t - s e c o n d a r y l e v e l .  In t h e F a l l o f 1 9 9 2 , I  start w i t h E D U C 4 4 1 , a n d I a m r e a d i n g ' m y b r a i n s o u t i n , y e t , a n o t h e r f i e l d .  M y intelligence  74 a b o u t t h i s s c h o o l i n g is f o r m e d f r o m m y m o t h e r ' s t e a c h i n g m e a b o u t h e r s t i n t i n r e s i d e n t i a l s c h o o l , m y e x p e r i e n c e w i t h integrated s c h o o l i n g and r a n d o m reading.  T h i s c o m m u n i c a t i o n is  s u d d e n l y a m p l i f y i n g ; m a g n i f i e d e n o r m o u s l y as m i l i t a r y , p o l i t i c a l , l e g a l , l e g i s l a t i v e , e c o n o m i c  educational  and  [Interviewee's emphasis] events a n d c o n d i t i o n s are l o c k e d in this c o m p l e x interplay  of universal o p p r e s s i o n . R e a d i n g to prepare m y lectures and other c l a s s r o o m activities p r o v o k e s a n y n u m b e r of emotions.  I don't t h i n k I c a n e x p l a i n h o w ,  b u t I c a n d e s c r i b e w h a t is h a p p e n i n g ,  what I remember happening. F o r e x a m p l e , I g o t h r o u g h t h i s p e r i o d of s c a t h i n g a n g e r , r i g h t e o u s a n g e r , s e l f - r i g h t e o u s a n g e r , i n d u l g e n t a n g e r , s c a r y a n g e r , a n g e r w h i c h I m a n a g e t o r e s t r a i n i n c l a s s r o o m s ; H o w e v e r , is e v i d e n t i n m y s r u g g l i n g a r t i c u l a t i o n s i n print.  I rant.  I weep.  I express m y confusion.  B y 1994,  a sense of w h a t the p h r a s e b i c u l t u r a l i s m suggests to m e emerges. O n l y I f i n d that b i c u l t u r a l i s m is s c h i z o p h r e n i c - i n d u c i n g , i n that I h a v e t o b e t h e s e m u l t i p l e p e r s o n a l i t i e s a l m o s t ; s o m e h o w g e t i n s i d e t h e p u b l i s h e d E u r o i m p r e s s i o n s and E u r o p e r c e p t i o n s w h i l e k e e p i n g w h a t e v e r c o r e I possess.  Interviewer:  D o y o u recall w h a t you're reading?  Interviewee: A t t h e m o m e n t , n o s p e c i f i c t i t l e s .  I'm r e a d i n g t o l e c t u r e a n d I'm r e a d i n g f o r  d o c t o r a l s e m i n a r s a n d c o u r s e s . E v e r y p a g e i n h a l e d m e a n s I r e a d (that is, react, r e s p o n d , d e c o d e , interrogate, deconstruct) t h r o u g h thicker, lenses, w h i c h I c a n n o t discard.  I a m learning to  read  against a n d t h r o u g h the grain of text a n d f i n d the (re)Presentations i n a d e q u a t e . I r e a l l y b e g i n to s w e a t , s q u i r m a n d s t r u g g l e as I p r o c e s s e d u c a t i o n a l texts. T h e o m i s s i o n s a n d  contradictions  arefor me, a n o m n i p r e s e n t subtext. M y ancestors w e r e s u b j e c t e d to a c c u l t u r a t i v e c u r r i c u l a r e x p e r i e n c e s , b a s e d o n racist rationales, to d i v o r c e a n d d i s l o c a t e learners a n d  subsequent  g e n e r a t i o n s f r o m t h e l i f e o f t h e i r c u l t u r a l - c o m m u n i t y , t h e l o v e o f t h e i r f a m i l i e s (see, f o r e x a m p l e s , B u l l , 1 9 9 1 ; Ing, 1991,; t h e i r s e n s e o f l a n d as h o m e a n d M o t h e r , t h e i r u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f t h e c o l l e c t i v e i n t e r d e p e n d e n t a n d m u t u a l l y d e p e n d e n t of spiritus.  75 I b e c o m e a n i r o n i c reader. reader.  I b e c o m e a s a r d o n i c reader.  I b e c o m e , at t i m e s , a h o s t i l e  I r a g e at t h e i n t e r l o c k i n g , s a n c t i m o n i o u s c o m p l e x i t y o f i n s t i t u t i o n a l i s e d  oppression.  I a l s o p r a y f o r t h e gift o f f o r g i v e n e s s b e c a u s e , b y 1 9 9 3 , I a m i n f l u e n c e d b y E l d e r L o u i s S u n c h i l d i n W a l t e r Lightning's 1992 article "Compassionate-mind: by Elder Louis Sunchild."  Implications of a Text Written  I a m also writing, really trying to write a paper about multiculturalism,  r a c i s m , anti-racism a n d p e a c e k e e p i n g for an anti-racist p e d a g o g y c o u r s e ( C a l l i o u , 1995).  Iam  resisting, confronting a n d trying to m a k e peace with e n o r m o u s l y horrifically genocidal realisations, w h i c h contradict m y innately pacifist beliefs.  Race means, potentially, death; death  o f t h e b o d y , d e a t h o f t h e e m o t i o n s , d e a t h o f t h e m i n d , d e a t h o f t h e s p i r i t . H a r m i n g s o m e o n e is h a r m i n g one's self.  Trying T o Temper Anger  Interviewer:  Y o u o f t e n j o k e a b o u t y o u r s e l f as a g r a d u a t e o f J o h n L e n n o n H i g h S c h o o l ?  Interviewer:  Y e s . I h a v e t h i s p a c i f i s t streak; that's n o t t o i m p l y I n e v e r g e t a n g r y o r  resentful or d o w n r i g h t mean-spirited. sensible-reverential w a y to live.  I j u s t b e l i e v e that p e a c e f u l n e s s  is a m u c h  more  I'm less r o m a n t i c a b o u t t h i s i d e a l t h a n I o n c e w a s , b u t - I g u e s s I  a m t h a t d r e a m e r (see L e n n o n , 1 9 8 8 ) .  I m e a n John's s o n g is a m u c h m o r e s u c c i n c t  understanding  o f M i c h a e l Y o u n g ' s ( 1 9 7 1 ) s e n s e - i n s i g h t that c e r t a i n c o d e s p r e d o m i n a t e a n d t h a t s u c h p r e d o m i n a n c e t h e r e b y e m p o w e r s s o m e a n d not others. Lennon's seen that - a n d , a h ,  maybe,  t o t a l l y 'grokked' - that these structuralist institutions are f i c t i o n s c a u s i n g n e e d l e s s t w o - l e g g e d de(rision)(rogation)(vision)(ath). The transcend  a n g r y i r r i t a t i o n I a l s o f e e l is a n i m p a t i e n c e w i t h t w o - l e g g e d s ' s e e m i n g i n a b i l i t y t o r e p r o d u c t i v e p a r a d i g m s of v i o l e n c e based o n little m o r e than s k i n c o l o u r .  76 The EDST507.  s o c i a l c o n s t r u c t i o n o f k n o w l e d g e m e t a p h o r I've e n c o u n t e r e d I f o r g e t , t h e n a m e o f that c o u r s e .  REPRODUCTION  b y M a r c h 2, 1 9 9 2 , i n  T h e s e m e t a p h o r s , s o c i a l C O N S T R U C T I O N of,  of, a r e s u c h i m a g e s o f a r c h i t e c t u r e a n d e n g i n e e r i n g , e m b e d d e d t h e r e is t h e  sensibility of erection o r manufacture.  Construction without reference to nurturance, lovingness.  A n y w a y , I'm e x c i t e d a b o u t s o c i o l o g i c a l s l e u t h i n g for, " e x p o s i n g [those] p r e m i s e s , c o n s e q u e n c e s a n d a l t e r n a t i v e s " t o " i m p r o v e o u r understanding o f e d u c a t i o n a l c o n t e x t s a n d t h e p r o b l e m s t h e y g e n e r a t e , " w h i c h S c h e f f l e r ( 1 9 6 7 , p. 5) a n d o t h e r s d e s c r i b e as doing [Interviewee's e m p h a s i s ] p h i l o s o p h y of education.  I'm g a m e . I don't f i n d p h i l o s o p h y as d o g m a t i c as s o c i o l o g y .  P h i l o s o p h y is e x p o s u r e w i t h o u t measurement.  - I a g a i n g u e s s that s o m e w o u l d c r i t i c i z e - b e n e f i t o f  Yet h o w does one measure such a fluid world inmovement?  A n y w a y , I'm a p p r o a c h i n g  E D U C 4 4 1 a n d E D U C 4 4 2 w i t h s o m e of these  (de)(re)constructionist - not yet, c o n s c i o u s l y D e r r i d e a n - understandings. insights or understandings  A n d , w i t h these  I turn t h e m o n t h e his/herstory a n d the e m o t i o n a l a c c o m p a n i m e n t t o  m y r e a l i s a t i o n s is q u i t e s t r o n g b e c a u s e I w o n d e r at o u r t w o - l e g g e d  ability to keep reproducing  these situations of v i o l e n c e , injustice, hurtfulness. I think about this c o n c e p t i o n o f cultural r e p r o d u c t i o n a n d w o n d e r w h a t w e , as t e a c h e r s o f F N A m u s t d o , t o d i s a b l e t h e s e h e g e m o n i c , t i g h t l y w o v e n a n d t i g h t l y c o n c e a l e d f o r m s o f a s s i m i l a t i v e s c h o o l i n g as w e l l as h e l p i n g t o h e a l t h e i n h e r i t a n c e o f v i o l e n c e , w h i c h is a l s o a n i n h e r i t a n c e o f c o u r a g e a n d s t r e n g t h a n d r e s i s t a n c e .  Interviewer: F o r e x a m p l e ?  Interviewee:  W e l l , there's W h i t t y ( 1 9 8 5 ) .  In a letter I w r i t e that o n e o f h i s s t a t e m e n t s (p.  19),  really echoes my direction for schooling in that traditionally "pupils have been taught a particular world view with no examination of the underlying assumptions/presuppositions or social processes of how such a  77  view developed; and "pupils accept as "immutable" fact what was but one ideological version of the world  I'm  ( C a l l i o u t o A l e x a n d e r , M a r c h 2, 1 9 9 1 ,  n.p.).  n o t t e a c h i n g y e t at 1 9 9 1 , b u t t h i s w i l l f e e d i n t o h o w I later t h i n k - f e e l a b o u t m y l e c t u r i n g .  Interviewer:  And, y o u encounter  Interviewee:  Yes, of course.  m o r e D.O.M.?  Whitty's (1985) not the o n l y one. There's M i c h a e l Young's  (1971) c o l l e c t i o n o f n i n e essays in K n o w l e d g e a n d C o n t r o l , f e a t u r i n g the 'big' guys, l i k e Pierre B o u r d i e u , Basil B e r n s t e i n , A l a n B l u m , N e l l K e d d i e and, of course, M i c h a e l Y o u n g himself.  Even  w h i l e I'm s i l e n t l y a s k i n g , ' W h e r e a r e t h e w o m y n i n a l l this?', t h e s e i d e a s a r e s t i m u l a t i n g e x p l o r a t i o n s for m e a n d these ideas i n f l u e n c e h o w I v i e w m y r o l e as a lecturer a n d h o w I h a n d l e the curricular content a n d experiences.  I c o n t i n u e t o use C r a m s c i ' s c o n s t r u c t o f ' h e g e m o n y ' a n d  A p p l e ' s ( 1 9 9 0 ) c o n s t r u c t e d u n d e r s t a n d i n g of ' c u l t u r a l r e p r o d u c t i o n ' v i a e d u c a t i o n a n d t h e l o n g i n g to excavate the "positive and  n e g a t i v e m o m e n t s o f p o w e r " (p. x v ) .  Interviewer:  S o t h e i d e a s o f 'men'  Interviewee:  G e n d e r s h o u l d not, I t h i n k - b e l i e v e , b e e n o u g h o f a b a s i s t o d i s m i s s a n i d e a .  have value?  H o w e v e r , w h y c e r t a i n i n d i v i d u a l s ( g e n d e r , e t h n i c i t y , r e l i g i o n , et c e t e r a s ) h a v e b e e n g i v e n t h e p r i v i l e g e of  being the author(ity)  [ I n t e r v i e w e e ' s e m p h a s i s . ] is v e r y t r o u b l i n g t o m e - a n d  c a s e , I a m j a r r e d a s I d i s c o v e r j u s t h o w o f t e n I don't h e a r t h e v o i c e s o f T h e P e o p l e  in m y  here.  O t h e r V o i c e s Exist?  Interviewer:  C a n y o u e v e n g i v e a n e x a m p l e o f a n a l t e r n a t e v o i c e t o i l l u s t r a t e , say, a h ,  cultural reproduction?  78  Interviewee: Sure, glad you asked that. Again my emotions catapult me into this provoked zone where I go looking for our words. We do not use the concepts, but there are examples. In Armstrong's 1971 collection of quotations, Daykauray, a Winnebago chief, replies to Kinzie's plan to educate-acculturate a group of the Winnebago children. He states that the  Great Spirit made the white man and the Indian. H e did not make them alike. H e gave the white man a heart to love peace, and the arts of the quiet life. H e taught h i m to live i n towns, to build houses, to make books, to learn all the things that w o u l d make h i m happy and prosperous i n the way of life appointed h i m . T o the red man the Great Spirit gave a different character.  H e gave h i m love of the woods, of a free life of hunting and  fishing, of making war w i t h his enemies . . . The white man does not like to live like the Indian - it is not his nature. N e i t h e r does the Indian love to live like the white man - the Great Spirit did not make h i m so. W e do not wish to do anything contrary to the w i l l of the Great Spirit. If he had made us w i t h white skins and characters like the white man, then we w o u l d send our children to this school to be taught like white children. W e t h i n k if the Great Spirit had wished us to be like the whites, he w o u l d have made us so. W e believe he w o u l d be displeased w i t h us to t r y and make ourselves different f r o m what he thought  good. I have nothing more to say. T h i s is  what we t h i n k . If we change our minds we w i l l let y o u k n o w (in Armstrong, 1971, p. 56, #110).  79 D o n ' t y o u l o v e that l i n e , "If w e c h a n g e o u r m i n d s , w e w i l l let y o u know."? D a y k a u r a y ( 1 8 2 9 ) d o e s n o t u s e t h e w o r d s c u l t u r a l r e p r o d u c t i o n , b u t t h e s e n s i b i l i t y is f i r m l y t h e r e , i m b u e d also w i t h the understanding of acculturation, cultural genocide.  These moments of  (re)discovery animate m e to question&question w h y I a m to cite M i k e A p p l e o r Pierre  Bourdieu.  W i t h r e g a r d t o B o u r d i e u , D a y k a u r a y s p e a k s a l s o o f h o n o u r i n g t h e ' c u l t u r a l c a p i t a l ' g i v e n by the  Creator  [Interviewee's emphasis.] I d o get a n n o y e d that A p p l e - a n d o t h e r s - d o n o t q u o t e t h e s e  ' v o i c e s ' as a u t h o r i t i e s n o r a c k n o w l e d g e t h e h i s / h e r / o u r s t o r y b e n e a t h h i s f e e t as h e t e l l s h i s s t o r y o f c u r r i c u l a as i d e o l o g y . There's s o m u c h h a p p e n i n g i n t e l l e c t u a l l y . O f course, t h e j u x t a p o s i t i o n o f t e a c h i n g a n d these ideas e v e n t u a l l y get turned o n t o myself.  T h a t is, h o w I a m b e i n g c u l t u r a l l y ( r e ) p r o d u c e d ,  m a r g i n a l i s e d o r e x c l u d e d f r o m particular m o b i l i t y in this vastly i n t e r c o n n e c t e d two-legged power and knowledge. autonomy.  w e b of  H o w e v e r , f o r m e I don't w o r r y a b o u t p o w e r as m u c h a s I d o a b o u t  I m e a n I s e e a c o n n e c t i o n a b o u t h o w a b u s e o f one's a u t o n o m y - p o w e r - c a n  d i s a b l e t h e a u t o n o m y o f a n o t h e r b e i n g a n d that d i s t u r b s me. But, I a l s o don't s e e a n y d i s c u s s i o n about reverence. Interviewer: A h , a n d t h e b a c k g r o u n d r e a d i n g f o r t e a c h i n g h e l p s t o s e e y o u r s e l f l o c a t e d in t h i s t e x t u a l , a h , b a t t l e z o n e ?  Interviewee:  Y e s , t h e l e c t u r i n g i n E D U C 4 4 1 a n d E D U C 4 4 2 r e a l l y d o e s assist m e t o  s h a r p l y a r t i c u l a t e , b e g i n t o c o n t e x t u a l i s e , m y s e l f as p o s i t i o n e d a n d / o r l o c a t e d w i t h i n , his/herstorically a n d contemporaneously, a paradoxically-loaded, highly contradictory, i n s t i t u t i o n a l i s e d s y s t e m o f e d u c a t i o n - w h i c h is b o t h ( i n ) ( e x ) c l u s i o n a r y , ( e n ) ( a c ) c u l t u r a t i n g a n d (em)(disem)powering. So, it's l i k e , " H e l l o , t h e l i g h t s g o o n s i m u l t a n e o u s l y f u l l f o r c e o n a 2 0 0 f o o t h i g h C h r i s t m a s tree.' M y i n t u i t i o n s g e t s o m e e n u n c i a t i o n a l t h o u g h I b e g i n t o s u s p e c t m y u s e o f Brit./U.S./.French t h e o r i s i n g t o  try to explain to myself, ah, for myself,  [Interviewee's emphasis]  80 s o m e o f this business of reproduction.  I begin to look for the P F N A theorists.  I find myself  b o r e d w i t h c o u r s e r e a d i n g lists, b e c a u s e t h e s a m e s o c i o l i n g u i s t i c r e d u n d a n c y o f a u t h ( o r ) ( i t i e ) s is omnipresent.  I start l o o k i n g f o r c o u r s e s that t h i s p r o g r a m d o e s n ' t offer.  course opportunities I have are ones I teach.  Ironically, the o n l y  T h e First N a t i o n s g r a d u a t e s t u d e n t s a r e m e e t i n g at a  t i m e w h i c h conflicts w i t h my doctoral seminar.  Squeak-Squawk:  And,  W h o s e V o i c e D o I Use?  I a g o n i z e , w h i l e t e a c h i n g , a b o u t t h e 'power' I h a v e t o u s e " e d u c a t i o n a l  knowledge  [as] a m a j o r r e g u l a t o r o f t h e s t r u c t u r e o f e x p e r i e n c e " ( Y o u n g , 1 9 7 1 , p. 4 7 ) b e c a u s e t h i s is e x a c t l y what's b e e n g o i n g o n w i t h P F N A s i n c e t h e c e l e b r a t e d h e r o i s m o f t h e J e s u i t s , w h e r e t h e "[f]he t i r e l e s s z e a l , s e l f - s a c r i f i c e a n d h e r o i s m o f t h e F r e n c h [ C a t h o l i c Jesuit] m i s s i o n a r i e s a m o n g t h e I n d i a n s o f C a n a d a " is " t o o i m p r e s s i v e t o b e f o r g o t t e n " ( P h i l l i p s , 1 9 5 7 , p. 4).  I c a n , as B a s i l  Bernstein (1971) observes, m a n i p u l a t e or (re)produce the principles of an "educational k n o w l e d g e c o d e " t o " s h a p e c u r r i c u l u m , p e d a g o g y a n d e v a l u a t i o n " (p. 47).  I become acutely  a w a r e that How  a s o c i e t y selects, classifies, distributes, transmits a n d evaluates t h e  e d u c a t i o n a l k n o w l e d g e it c o n s i d e r s t o b e p u b l i c , r e f l e c t s b o t h t h e d i s t r i b u t i o n o f p o w e r a n d t h e p r i n c i p l e s o f s o c i a l c o n t r o l ( B e r n s t e i n , 1 9 7 1 , p. 4 7 ) . N o w - h e r e I a m rueful that I a m u s i n g a British m a l e s o c i o l o g i s t , linguist, e d u c a t o r t o e x p l a i n self-comprehension,  b u t that's w h a t I a m b e i n g f e d . T h e s e a u t h o r ( i t i e ) s c o u n t B I G U P  That's w h y I w a n t e d t o move  on  my  HERE.  w i t h t h e d i s s e r t a t i o n as a n a n a l y s i s o f h o w s c h o o l i n g f o r P F N A  is b e i n g c o n s t r u c t e d as a s p e c i a l i z e d f i e l d o r d i s c o u r s e .  The emergence of s p e c i a l i z e d fields  p r o v i d e apertures for t e x t u a l d e c o n s t r u c t i o n w h e r e i n t h e c o n t i n u i t y o f a c o n s t r u c t e d d i s c o u r s e is  81 o p p o r t u n i t y n o t m e r e l y f o r o u t r i g h t r e j e c t i o n , but f o r d i s j u n c t u r e t o d i s t u r b t h e t r a n q u i l l i t y w i t h w h i c h t h e y a r e a c c e p t e d (see F o u c a u l t , 1 9 7 2 , I am  pp. 3-11).  d i s t u r b e d , so I a c c e p t Foucault's invitation to disturb.  T h e r e is o f t e n i n t h i s ( r e ) c o n s t i t u t e d ' a l i e n ( a t i n g ) ' h i s t o r y o f s c h o o l i n g f o r P F N A e m e r g e n t p e r i o d i z a t i o n w h i c h , f o r me, humanity.  The  d i s c u r s i v e signs and  c o n d i t i o n s of this s c h o o l i n g - my  and  how  b y F o u c a u l t ( 1 9 7 2 ; O r i g . 1969) s a i d ' " (p. 25).  And,  I am  For me  s c h o o l i n g - a f f o r d l e v e r a g e t o assess w h a t is ( u n ) k n o w n  I've l e a r n e d t o b e c o m e a v e r y s k i l l e d r e a d e r h e r e , as d e s c r i b e d as " ' h e a r i n g ' o f a n ' a l r e a d ' s a i d ' that is at t h e s a m e t i m e a  a w a r e of P F N A theorists' a n d  d i s j u n c t u r e of the a l r e a d y s a i d a n d Foucault.  camouflages, particularly, the c r i m e s c o m m i t t e d against  styles u s e d to n a r r a t i v e l y (des)(in)scribe s o m e of the events  and  t h e ( u n ) k n o w n is t o l d .  philosophers who  'not  p r o v o k e the  not said. But in m a k i n g this a n a l y s i s , I feel that I m u s t c i t e  t h i s f e e l s e x t r e m e l y u n c o m f o r t a b l e , u n s e t t l i n g , as, a h , n o o n e  that I can(not) cite an a u t h o r i t y f r o m a P F N A perspective. q u o t e a P F N A w o u l d b e met  an  w i t h a blatant, "Huh?  Do  seems to monitor  I s p e c u l a t e , p e r h a p s u n f a i r l y , that to  you  k n o w of Foucault?  Derrida?  Gramsci?" I m e a n , C a r d i n a l ( 1 9 6 9 ) r e m a r k s o n t h i s s a i d / n o t s a i d b u s i n e s s as r e l a t e d t o t h e t r e a t i e s s i g n e d b e t w e e n the n a t i o n of C a n a d a and  pre-existent nations.  He  states, t h a t  T h e s e p l e d g e s a r e t y p i c a l , if n o t a l l - i n c l u s i v e , o f t h e p r o m i s e s t h a t w e r e m a d e t o t h e I n d i a n s b y t h e g o v e r n m e n t , a l t h o u g h t h e c a u t i o n a r y p h r a s e , 'Her r e s e r v e s t h e r i g h t t o d e a l w i t h . . . ," a p p e a r i n g  Majesty  c o m m o n l y t h r o u g h o u t the treaty,  w o u l d have alerted a m o r e sophisticated p e o p l e to p o s s i b l e l o o p h o l e s and T h e r e a r e m a n y o t h e r a s p e c t s o f t h e w r i t t e n t r e a t i e s that a r e  pitfalls.  questionable.  G e n e r a l l y , the treaties are o u t s t a n d i n g for w h a t t h e y d o not say rather t h a n w h a t t h e y d o say. [ H i s i t a l i c s ] ( C a r d i n a l , 1 9 6 9 ,  p. 34).  82 C a r d i n a l ' s e x a m p l e o f s a i d / n o t s a i d is c o n c r e t e . Foucault?  D o I take m y direction from H a r o l d a n d ignore  U P H E R E I think m y teachers w o u l d desire I speak k n o w l e d g e a b l y of Foucault.  I am  not d e n i g r a t i n g Foucault.  W h o s e S c h o o l ( i n g ) ? W h o s e L a n g u a g e S a i d / N o t /Said?  Interviewer:  S o f r o m this sense of d e e p disturbance y o u d e c i d e to disturb.  Y o u begin to  re-examine these a i m s of education for P F N A , w h i c h range f r o m religious- t o subject- t o vocational- to genocide-centered.  Interviewee:  F o r me, t h e s e l a b e l s , t h e s e d e s i g n a t i o n s o f s c h o o l b u i l d i n g s a n d f a c i l i t i e s  c l a s h a n d c o l l i d e w i t h i d e a l i s e d h o r i z o n s o f e d u c a t i o n as b e i n g m o r e t h a n i n d o c t r i n a t i o n (see, f o r e x a m p l e , P e t e r s & H i r s t , 1 9 7 0 , pp. 25-28, or, 84-87). Y e t , i n d o c t r i n a t i o n is p r e c i s e l y o n e o f t h e aims of s c h o o l i n g for PFNA.  For e x a m p l e , Sarah Carter (1991) e x a m i n e s a n i n d o c t r i n a t i o n  camp  for prairies-located P F N A b y i n t r o d u c i n g her article w i t h post-Confederation (1867) g o v e r n m e n t a l action to c o n s o l i d a t e a "variety of precedent, policies, a n d attitudes" into a foreign legislated Act, The  Indian Act  as Others  ( 1 8 7 6 ) (p. 57). T h i s is l e g i s l a t i o n t o  [Interviewee's v e r y e x p l i c i t emphasis].  manage those determined to be designated  T h i s is a l e g a l p o l i c y .  T h i s is a l a n g u a g e c o d e .  T h i s is n o t a j o k e . F u r t h e r , C a r t e r ( 1 9 9 1 ) e m p h a s i z e s that w h a t is s i g n i f i c a n t a b o u t The Act is t h e i n h e r e n t p o w e r o f t h e t e x t t o d e ( c l a r e ) ( f i n e ) w h o is e l i g i b l e , e n t i t l e d , f o r r e g i s t e r e d " I n d i a n " status a n d w h o is n o t e l i g i b l e f o r t h i s q u a l i f i c a t i o n (Ibid., p. 157).  Said/Not Said. This determination decides w h o  is t o b e ( i n c a r c e r a ) ( e d u c a ) ( a c c u l t u r a ) t e d at T h e F i l e H i l l s C o l o n y , p r o c l a i m e d a s a m o d e l " a g r i c u l t u r a l c o l o n y " i n 1 9 0 1 (Ibid., p. 157).  T h e pastoral phrase - agricultural c o l o n y - gives  the g a m e of theCanadians' away, because they b l o o d y w e l l script the plot of the c o l o n i a l i s t s c e n a r i o as n o t t o t e a c h a f e w n o m a d i c " I n d i a n s " h o w t o p l o u g h , b u t h o w t o c o m p l e t e l y a n d  83 legally enfranchise authocthonous citizens from being themselves. just not  B e i n g "Indian" s e e m s to b e  e n o u g h ; not a sufficient c o n d i t i o n for b e i n g a designated C a n a d i a n .  And,  I'm b u g g e d  that m o s t often the v o i c e s s p e a k i n g a b o u t these events a n d c o n d i t i o n s are not P F N A . asks in print in 1969,  "First questions:  q u a l i f i e d to speak for others?  w h o is s p e a k i n g ? " ( 1 9 7 2 , p. 50).  Foucault  W h o is e n t i t l e d  and  " W h o d e r i v e s f r o m it h i s o w n s p e c i a l q u a l i t y , h i s p r e s t i g e , a n d  f r o m w h o m , i n r e t u r n , d o e s h e r e c e i v e if n o t s o m e a s s u r a n c e , at least t h e p r e s u m p t i o n t h a t w h a t h e says is t r u e ? " ( F o u c a u l t , 1 9 7 2 ,  Interviewer:  p. 50).  So, w i t h t h e g a z e r e t u r n i n g t o y o u r s e l f i n t h e b e s t s e n s e o f S o c r a t e s '  e n c o u r a g e m e n t 'To K n o w T h y s e l f , ' y o u a r e c o n f r o n t e d w i t h t e a c h i n g a b o u t a ' C a n a d i a n ' h i s / h e r s t o r y t o not, e v e r , n e v e r f a t h o m y o u r s e l f ? T h i s f e e l s a l i e n a t i n g ? A c c u l t u r a t i n g ?  Interviewee: A n g r y like I was  And,  silencing.  I get m o r e p u b l i c l y " I n d i a n " u p h e r e ; a n d  I'm a n g r y a g a i n .  at 1 8 w h e n I v o w e d t o r u n a w a y a n d j o i n t h e A m e r i c a n I n d i a n M o v e m e n t .  A n g r y l i k e I've b e e n f r o m t i m e t o t i m e , w i s h i n g T H E Y ' D a l l g o h o m e ! T h i s a n g e r is e x p r e s s e d strongly in j o u r n a l entries from time to time.  A s I gain a n a p p r e c i a t i o n of s u r v i v a n c e , I a m  unsettled, angry and, regretfully, mean-spirited.  T h i s is f r o m a 1 9 9 2  j o u r n a l entry.  Survive. Be strong. Survive. Be strong. That's all there is. Survive some more. Be strong some more. If it is this much trouble to keep this flame alive [Reference to Archibald, 1993], I don't see the point. . . I am sickened by this whole business of living like a political prisoner in this land. If the White people had not been allowed to live, I would have land, not be forced to live in this stupid urbanized mentality where compassion is spoken and brutality practiced. My people raped by church members; my people stolen from; my people lied to and stalled and stonewalled by  people who dare to write about justice; my people shamed for being who they are; my people whipped by humanists for speaking their own language; and the behaviour continues . . . I am just another member in the sequence. Is there a reason for White People? ( C a l l i o u ,  Journal entry,  N o v e m b e r 2 1 , 1992).  A s 'data' t h e a b o v e e n t r y d o e s n ' t n e e d m u c h i n t e r p r e t a t i o n . M u c h o f t h e b a c k g r o u n d p r e p a r a t i o n f o r l e c t u r i n g that first t e r m ( F A L L ' 9 2 ) is q u i t e t o x i c and  I've b e e n s i c k o f t e n , t w i c e q u i t e s e r i o u s l y , s i n c e I a r r i v e d h e r e i n t h a t s n o w s t o r m i n 1 9 9 1 . I  get n o i s i e r i n c l a s s r o o m s here, b u t I t o o o f t e n f i n d m y s e l f h a v i n g t o b e t h e " I n d i a n . "  I feel like  n o o n e s e e m s t o c a r e r e a l l y that I a m a w o m a n o r c o m m u n i t y e d u c a t i o n t h e o r i s t o r a f l e d g l i n g philosopher of education.  A n d , that's s t r e n u o u s , s t r e n u o u s t o b e t h i s c o m b i n a t i o n  teacher a n d p u b l i c relations person, w i t h a forefront sense of a c t i v e c o m p a s s i o n .  learner a n d I c a n n o t stay  silent however.  / cannot make silent adjustments. I am losing the ability to make silent adjustments.  Rattle-RA Ttle-RA Ttle-RA Ttle. I understand they're not going home.  Bicultural Emotional  Interviewer: giant paradox?  Roller Coastering  So, e m o t i o n a l l y you're c o n f l i c t e d o n c e y o u r e c o g n i s e you're i n s i d e s o m e  85 Interviewee: mid-way ride, The [Laughter.  [Interrupting.] Y e s , n o w w o u l d n ' t that b e a g r e a t n a m e f o r a n  intellectual  G i a n t Paradox. Sounds of a match striking a small black  Interviewer: T h e  box.]  e x p l o r a t i o n s into cultural (re)production a n d the historical situations of  ( a c ) ( e n ) c u l t u r a t i o n et c e t e r a s i m u l t a n e o u s l y p r o v o k e , or, at least, h e l p t o e x p l a i n t h e s e n s e o f a l m o s t d i a s p o r i c dis(juncture)(location) y o u are feeling. underway.  have two  parallel degrees  T h e r e is t h e M.A. i n c o m m u n i t y e d u c a t i o n t o e x p l o r e y o u r i n t r i g u e w i t h  c o m m u n i t y - b a s e d or c o m m u n i t y - i m m e r s e d t e a c h i n g and M.A.  In e f f e c t , y o u  l e a r n i n g . There's a n o t h e r  unofficial  i n N a t i v e " l n d i a n " A b o r i g i n a l F I R S T N a t i o n s s t u d i e s , as r e l a t e d p a r t i c u l a r l y t o s c h o o l i n g . A l l o f  this c o n v e x i t y focuses o n y o u r b e c o m i n g m o r e overtly "Indian" - and f r o m the s o u n d s of y o u r (re)telling, angry.  Interviewee: be c o m p a s s i o n a t e l y  And, loving.  t h e a n g e r is t e m p e r e d w i t h a l i f e l o n g s e n s e o f p a c i f i s m ; a n i n t u i t i o n t o I m e a n m o r e than a little, w e l l - b e h a v e d  t h e n e e d n o t t o get s w a l l o w e d up, c o n s u m e d b y a n g e r . h a r m f u l t o s p i r i t u s at m i c r o - a n d  C a t h o l i c girl.  I feel  deeply  L i v i n g i n h u r t f u l , m e a n - s p i r i t e d a n g e r is  macro-levels.  Interviewer: S o y o u w e a r t h e t r e a t y , r i b b o n - d r e s s - ? [Pause o n tape.  S o u n d s o f o r a n g e s h a g r u g a b s o r b i n g the s i l e n c e . ]  Interviewee: C o n s c i o u s l y .  R e m e m b e r I'm w i d e a w a k e n o w .  [ E x p l o s i o n o f l a u g h t e r as i n t e r v i e w e e m i m e s d o i n g a l o n g - d i s t a n c e h a u l a c r o s s the prairies.] O f c o u r s e , n o t s o w i d e a w a k e that I w a n t t o p u l l a T h e l m a & L o u i s e i n t o t h e G r a n d Canyon. [ M o r e laughter.] B e c a u s e b y graduation (May, am  1993), I h a v e r e d i s c o v e r e d a t e e n a g e c o n s c i o u s n e s s that I  n o t ' C a n a d i a n ' a l t h o u g h there's a l l sorts of m e c h a n i s m s t o m a k e a P F N A b e l i e v e t h e y a r e  86 ' C a n a d i a n ' - l i k e S.I.N.s a n d p a s s p o r t s , ' C a n a d i a n ' c i t i z e n s h i p a n d v o t i n g r i g h t s . F o r e x a m p l e , M i t c h e l l ( i n R i c h a r d s o n , 1 9 9 0 ) , o b s e r v e s that the  i n s i s t e n c e that w e ( P F N A - M o h a w k ) s h o u l d v o t e i n Canada's e l e c t i o n s , a n d t h e  f o r m a l r e f u s a l t o ratify o u r s u p r a n a t i o n a l b o r d e r - c r o s s i n g rights[ at t h e b o r d e r b e t w e e n t h e U n i t e d States a n d C a n a d a ] , a r e b u t part o f a c o n t i n u i n g e f f o r t t o prove t o o u r p e o p l e - and, indeed, aboriginal p e o p l e e v e r y w h e r e i n the c o u n t r y t h a t w e a r e C a n a d i a n s , s u b j e c t t o C a n a d i a n l a w s (p. 1 1 5 ) . M i t c h e l l c o n t i n u e s that i n 1 8 6 9 , T h e N e w c o m e r s d e c i d e d t h a t M o h a w k s ( c ) ( s h ) o u l d n o t b e i n ' l a w f u l ' p o s s e s s i o n o f l a n d s w i t h o u t e x p r e s s p e r m i s s i o n o f t h e C a n a d i a n s ' g o v e r n m e n t (p. 1 1 5 ) . T h e M o h a w k at A k w e s a s n e c o n t i n u e t o resist f o r e i g n , n a t i o n a l g o v e r n m e n t i n t r u s i o n , a s s e r t i n g t h a t t h e c o m m u n i t y has e x i s t e d s i n c e " t i m e i m m e m o r i a l , w i t h its o w n l a w s a n d without intention of b e c o m i n g home  again  l i k e o t h e r C a n a d i a n s (Ibid., p. 107).  Unlike  government,"  THEM, I can't g o  b e c a u s e , a p p a r e n t l y , I've b e e n h e r e s i n c e t i m e i m m e m o r i a l .  Interviewer:  S o y o u stay a n g r y ?  Interviewee: O h , yes, c e r t a i n l y . [ M a k e s a b e a r - l i k e g r o w l s o m e w h e r e i n the throat area. F r o w n s w h i l e w a t c h i n g i n t e r v i e w e r p r i n t a t i d y note.] W a t c h it n o w .  I a m teasing.  I c a n n o t live i n this resurrected anger.  I r e c o g n i s e t h a t at  heart, t h e p s y c h o s p i r i t u a l e n e r g y I f e e d i n t o t h e w e b o f r e l a t i o n s h i p s is t h e p s y c h o s p i r i t u a l e n e r g y w h i c h w i l l f e e d me, w i l l f e e d into m y t h i n k i n g - f e e l i n g .  I a m contemplating the construct of  c o m p a s s i o n a t e m i n d m u c h t h o s e - a n d t h e s e - d a y s . A m i n d f i l l e d c o m p a s s i o n , t h a t is, w i t h h e a r t a n d m i n d c o n n e c t e d , is f o r m e a n i d e a l o f r a t i o n a l i t y I w i s h t o p u r s u e . b e c o m e an anemotional cognitioner.  I a m not eager to  S o as I'm s i t t i n g a n d w a t c h i n g t h e w o r d s g o  'round'n'round, I a m w o n d e r i n g w h o I am. I a m s e e i n g t h e y e s a n d n o of this d i c h o t o m y o f C a n a d i a n s a n d Indians.  I c o n t i n u o u s l y c o n c l u d e that t h i s h i s / h e r s t o r y I a m r e a d i n g is a r t i f i c i a l l y ,  87 foolishly, needlessly d i c h o t o m i z e d ; and w i t h their half-truth there and  that, at best, t h e w a y  o u r h a l f - t r u t h here. T h i s s e g m e n t s e v e n t s a n d  s e p a r a t e , at t i m e s , p a r a l l e l s t o r i e s .  The  Canadians have lived and  He  states t h a t t h i s is a h i s t o r y  their several c o m m u n i t i e s , across generations  of h u g e c o l o n i a l e m p i r e s a n d  r e c e n t l y as c i t i z e n s i n t h e i n t e r n a t i o n a l w o r l d  ( B r o w n , 1987,  more  p. v).  text's c h r o n o l o g i c a l s e q u e n c e p l a y s o u t as: c o n t a c t , c o l o n i z a t i o n a n d  (1900-1945), and  Illustrated  w o r k e d . . . [and] r e a l i z e d t h e i r a m b i t i o n s i n  settlement (1760-1840), i n d e p e n d e n c e and  any  conditions into  For e x a m p l e , i n B r o w n ' s ( 1 9 8 7 ) , " F o r w a r d " t o T h e  H i s t o r y of C a n a d a , this his/herstorical gloss shines. of h o w  h i s / h e r s t o r y is t o l d is h a l f - t r u t h -  conflict (1600-1760),  nation b u i l d i n g (1840-1900), industrialization  post-war construction (1945-1987).  r e a d e r f o r w h a t G e o r g e E r a s m u s has t o say.  N o n e of these c h a p t e r titles w o u l d p r e p a r e  G e o r g e Erasmus, F o r m e r G r a n d C h i e f of the  A s s e m b l y o f First N a t i o n s , d e l i v e r s t h i s r e m i n d e r at a s e l f - g o v e r n m e n t s y m p o s i u m i n 1 9 9 0 , Toronto, Ontario.  He  is o n e  of m a n y v o i c e s v i g i l a n t l y asserting that l e g i t i m a t e , a l t e r n a t i v e  v e r s i o n s o f h i s / h e r s t o r y (ex)(per)sist. H e  states that f o r  i n d i g e n o u s p e o p l e s of the A m e r i c a s a n d l a y i n t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p s that w e We  [FNA]  in  in p a r t i c u l a r N o r t h A m e r i c a , o u r  answers  created w i t h the E u r o p e a n p e o p l e s that c a m e here.  r e l y o n o u r v e r s i o n of w h a t h a p p e n e d , w h i c h is still k e p t a l i v e i n e v e r y  i n d i g e n o u s c o m m u n i t y across C a n a d a and h a p p e n e d is that w e  had  North America.  an a g r e e m e n t that w e  c o m e t o t h i s part of t h e w o r l d .  Our  v e r s i o n of w h a t  w o u l d a l l o w the Europeans to  T h e y w o u l d set u p  institutions. T h e y w o u l d  live  a m o n g s t us. T h e y w o u l d not h a v e t o l i v e u n d e r o u r i n s t i t u t i o n s ( E r a s m u s i n Cassidy, 1991, He  p. 22).  c h a l l e n g e s the l e g i t i m a c y of The  occurred  and  that T h e  m i s s i o n a r i e s " or a "few  N e w c o m e r s ' s e l f - a s s e r t i o n , ah, s e l f - l e g i t i m a t i o n t h a t c o n q u e s t  P e o p l e , in this case The bureaucrats"  D e n e , a c q u i e s c e d to the r u l e of a  (Ibid., p. 23).  "few  88  Interviewer:  By The  Newcomers, you  m e a n t h e i m m i g r a n t c o l o n i s t s w h o s e t t l e as  outsiders in the A m e r i c a s ?  Interviewee:  Yes. Y o u  s h o u l d c h e c k that w o r d - n e w c o m e r s - r e f e r e n c e i n t h e  T h e s a u r u s , A m e r i c a n E d i t i o n , ( U r d a n g , Ed., 1992)  Oxford  sometime.  Interviewer: O h ? Interviewee:  B e s i d e s t h e s y n o n y m s p r o v i d e d , t h e r e is t h i s e x p l a n a t o r y s e n t e n c e .  q u o t e w i t h the italics.  "The  newcomers q u i c k l y established themselves and  self-sufficient" (Urdang, 1992,  p. 3 0 7 ) .  I won't  became  O n c e I w a k e u p I b e g i n to feel-see these little bits of  e v i d e n c e a l l o v e r s u b s t a n t i a t i n g this rather s k e w e d p i c t u r e of the events of c o n t a c t a n d  after.  M i t c h e l l ( 1 9 9 0 , q u o t e d e a r l i e r ) o r E r a s m u s ( 1 9 9 1 , q u o t e d a b o v e ) m a y b e p e r c e i v e d as c r a z y , u n a b l e to a c c e p t that a c o n q u e s t o c c u r r e d ; H o w e v e r , their 'voices' contest the b e l i e f s y s t e m portrayed in Urdang's thesaurus.  H o w e v e r , the l o c a t i o n a l p e r s p e c t i v e erects a sense of  U S [ P F N A ] - T H E M [ E u r o C a n a d i a n immigrants] w h i c h b e c o m e s for m e a p u z z l e to collapse. H o w do s o m e colonial Canadians and am  P F N A "Indians" c o m e to b e l i e v e in the separation?  The  text I  r e a d i n g f o r l e c t u r e p r e p a r a t i o n is s t r e w n w i t h p u b l i s h e d s t a t e m e n t s a b o u t t h e " I n d i a n s . "  W i l l i a m G r a h a m , w h o j o i n e d the D e p a r t m e n t of Indian Affairs in 1885 Indian A g e n t b y 1887.  T h i s is a p o w e r f u l p o s i t i o n a n d  s h a r e d t h e b e l i e f of m a n y of h i s c o n t e m p o r a r i e s was  best for the Indians.  as c l e r k , is s o o n a n  h e e a r n s a r e p u t a t i o n as s o m e o n e w h o that t h e g o v e r n m e n t k n e w w h a t  If t h e I n d i a n s t h e m s e l v e s h a p p e n e d t o d i s a g r e e , it w a s  r e g r e t t a b l e , b u t h a r d g r o u n d s i n itself f o r c o m p r o m i s e .  A s m e r e w a r d s o f t h e state,  t h e n a t i v e p e o p l e c o u l d n o t r e a s o n a b l y e x p e c t t h e i r o p i n i o n s t o b e c o n s i d e r e d (in Titley, 1983,  p. 40).  F o r t u n a t e l y , T i t l e y ( 1 9 8 3 ) states t h o s e a c t i n g o n b e h a l f o f t h e " I n d i a n s " a r e s h a r i n g b e l i e f s a n d scientific knowledge. [Laughter.  Pause.  M o r e laughter.]  not  89  Interviewer:  G r a h a m is r e s p o n s i b l e f o r t h e F i l e H i l l s F a r m C o l o n y (see Brass,  1953;  Carter, 1991)?  Otherisation  Interviewee:  Y e s , but i n r e a d i n g a b o u t F i l e H i l l s , t h i s i l l u s t r a t e s t o m e h o w ,  o n the basis  of 'Otherisation', the C a n a d i a n g o v e r n m e n t s a n c t i o n e d a p r o j e c t to " p r o d u c e a g r o u p of Indians who  had  i n t e r n a l i z e d the whiteman's religion and  (Titley, 1983,  culture and  p. 27). D i c h o t o m y is m o r e s e p a r a t i o n ; a n d  w h o w e r e self-sufficient farmers"  often two-legged dichotomies.  Another  e x a m p l e is t h e d e s i g n a t i o n ( h o m o ) ( h e t e r o ) s e x u a l ) w h i c h p o s i t i o n s ' O t h e r ' o n t h e b a s i s o f i d e n t i f y i n g s o m e s e e m i n g l y significant feature and This c o u l d b e n o big deal.  p o s i ( t i o n ) t i n g 'One'  as n o t t h e 'Other'.  H o w e v e r , in the case of s e x u a l i t y d e s i g n a t i o n , q u e s t i o n s  a b o u t r i g h t s t o e n t i t l e m e n t s ( p e n s i o n s , s p o u s a l status, etc.) a r e a f f e c t e d b y t h e l a n g u a g e c o d e o f that d e s i g n a t i o n .  For m e , O t h e r i s a t i o n o f t e n s e e m s t o i n v o k e f o r m s o f v i o l e n c e , d e s p i t e w h a t  S e c t i o n 15(1) o f t h e 1 9 8 2  C a n a d i a n Charter of Rights a n d  E v e r y i n d i v i d u a l is e q u a l b e f o r e a n d protection and  F r e e d o m s states, w h e r e i n  under the law and  has t h e r i g h t t o t h e  equal  equal benefit of the l a w w i t h o u t d i s c r i m i n a t i o n , and, in particular,  w i t h o u t d i s c r i m i n a t i o n b a s e d o n race, n a t i o n a l or e t h n i c o r i g i n , c o l o u r , r e l i g i o n , sex, a g e o r m e n t a l o r p h y s i c a l a b i l i t y ( C a n a d a , 1 9 8 2 , You  Sect. 15.).  d o n ' t h a v e t o b e a h u m a n r i g h t s l a w y e r / e s s t o a r c h i v e t h e d a i l y v i o l a t i o n s o f t h i s ideal  [Interviewee's e m p h a s i s ] that o c c u r d a i l y i n C a n a d a , o r t h e i d e a l s o f t h e C a n a d i a n B i l l o f H u m a n Rights, p r o c l a i m e d  by J o h n D i e f e n b a k e r in 1960.  That C a n a d i a n Bill of H u m a n  g u a r a n t e e d the rights of i n d i v i d u a l s to life, liberty, personal s e c u r i t y a n d posession] of property. [Laughter.]  Rights  e n j o y m e n t [not  That property e n j o y m e n t business c a n b e quite a knee-slapper for "Indians." [ M o r e laughter.] T h i s C h a r t e r is a n a d d i t i o n t o t h e r e p a t r i a t e d C a n a d i a n c o n s t i t u t i o n ( s e e T h e C o n s t i t u t i o n A c t , 1 8 6 7 - 1 9 8 2 ), w h i c h s e p a r a t e s C a n a d i a n s a n d A b o r i g i n a l " l n d i a n s " N a t i v e s ;  i n fact,  g u a r a n t e e i n g N a t i v e s F i r s t P e o p l e s " l n d i a n s " a n "inherent right t o s e l f - g o v e r n m e n t " i n S e c t i o n The  separation continues  separate species.  use of a C o w b o y s & l n d i a n s trope, w i t h C o w b o y s a n d Indians  W h e n w i l l w e adjust t o a (re)understanding  w i l l o u r p h i l o s o p h i s i n g sounds like then?  Others  35(1).  considered  that w e a r e a l l t w o - l e g g e d s ?  What  H o w t o u n d e r s t a n d that c r e a t i o n - f i c t i o n a l i s a t i o n - o f  o n a p a g e d o e s n o t m a k e t h i s t h e r e a l i t y ? A n d , t h e s e p a r a t i o n is b o t h ( u n ) n e c e s s a r y a n d  m a d d e n i n g a n d oh-so, p e r v a s i v e .  Interviewer:  A h , but s o m e t i m e s n e c e s s a r y ?  Interviewee: Y e s , as r e l a t e d t o r e p a r a t i o n .  However, w e c a n m a k e reparations  a d v e r s a r i a l l y o r i n a c o m p a s s i o n a t e l y c o m m u n i t y - l i k e w a y as a l l t w o - l e g g e d s w h o w i s h t o r e p a i r the harmful v i o l e n c e d o n e t o a species.  Half story  Interviewee:  A n y w a y , i n m y o w n f i e l d - ah, I g u e s s , that w o u l d b e e d u c a t i o n  b e e n interrogating P h i l l i p s ' (1957), T h e D e v e l o p m e n t of E d u c a t i o n in C a n a d a . P h i l l i p s c e l e b r a t e s t h e h e r o i s m o f t h e J e s u i t s . T h e i n s c r i b e r s o f t h e Oxford s u p p l y this d e f i n i t i o n of heroism:  " h e r o i c c o n d u c t " (p. 666).  - I have  For e x a m p l e ,  English  Dictionary,  H e r o is d e f i n e d as "1.a.  n o t e d o r a d m i r e d f o r n o b i l i t y , c o u r a g e , o u t s t a n d i n g a c h i e v e m e n t , etc." (Ibid., p. 6 6 6 ) .  a man I suspect  t h e d i c t i o n a r y ' s "etc." c o v e r s a w i d e l y r a n g i n g t e r r i t o r y o f e t h i c a l a n d n e c e s s a r y E u r o C a n a d i a n i n s t r u c t i o n a l b e h a v i o u r s t o w a r d s "Indians."  The Catholic missionary  invaders, uninvited b y the  I r o q u o i s , e n c o u n t e r "great d i f f i c u l t i e s i n t e a c h i n g t h e Indians," i n c l u d i n g t h e n o m a d i c w a n d e r i n g  91 at w i l l , r e s i s t a n t "shamen," " s t r a n g e l a n g u a g e s t o master," a n d " a n i m i s t i c r e l i g i o n " ( P h i l l i p s ,  1957,  p. 5). T h e s e a r e p r e s e n t e d as s y m p a t h e t i c r e a s o n s t o e x p l a i n t h e h e r o i c " i n s t r u c t i o n o f t h e Indians [which] must h a v e b e e n a l a b o r i o u s a n d d i s c o u r a g i n g task" to "convert Indian c h i l d r e n " i n o r d e r t o " a b s o r b t h e m i n t o t h e F r e n c h c u l t u r e " (Ibid., pp. 5,6). H e c o n t i n u e s t h a t t h e e d u c a t i o n o f " w h i t e c h i l d r e n " (p. 7) b e g i n s after t h i s s t o r y of 'heroism'. a c c e p t a n c e of this two-legged d i c h o t o m y  a n d t h e p e r s p e c t i v e of h i s s o u r c e s l e g i t i m a t e s f a i r l y  c o m p l i c a t e d h u m a n rights c r i m e s , w h i c h he f a i l s t o m e n t i o n . and  reifies this distinction b e t w e e n "Indians" and 'Discouraging!?!'  c o m m u n i t y , a l s o absent.  For w h o m ?  The  (re)telling deflects questions  "Whites."  The v o i c e s of the p u p i l s are absent;  H a r d f u n - w o r k , b u t we  his/herstory.  m i l e s through the t h i c k l y fields,  For e x a m p l e ,  managed t o e l u d e  t e a c h e r - p r i e s t - m a n t o d a y ; had  lain  our  to s t e a l t h almost  'animate'  fallow i n a complicated  s u s t a i n a b l e a g r i c u l t u r a l development. of calming-freedom.  made us s p e a k - r e p e a t  reason(s) do,  Not  and  system  sophisticated, However, a  day  n o n s e n s e w o r d s f o r no m i g h t want t o d r e s s a s  they  e a t as t h e y do and k n e e l a s  they  do when t h e y t a l k - p l e a d w i t h t h e i r g u e s s we  of  l i k e y e s t e r d a y , when F a t h e r  s u g g e s t e d we  s p e a k as t h e y do,  ten  f o r e s t t o one  of crop r o t a t i o n p r a c t i c e i n d i c a t i v e of  B--  the v o i c e s of the  S o m e t i m e s I write these i m a g i n a r y passages to illustrate the forgotten  part, o r t h e u n k n o w n part, o f C a n a d i a n  the tobacco  Phillips' (1957) u n q u e s t i o n i n g  'God'.  Well, I  c o u l d make a few p r i e - d i e u s o u t o f some o f  those b i r c h trees curing.  We  thought  we  were  pretty  r e a s o n a b l e i n t r e a t i n g h i s e n t r e a t i e s as a p r e t t y  funny  joke  be  (Ha-Ha); h o w e v e r , F a t h e r B -- d i d n ' t seem t o  92  laughing  t o o much.  They c e r t a i n l y  I w o n d e r what t h e i r [their]  experiences,  t r o p h o l o g i c a l images a r e " w i t h i n e m b o d i e d i n . [them] a s p e r s o n s a n d  expressed and enacted i n [ t h e i r ] ( C o n n e l l y & C l a n d i n i n , 1988,  teach  us a n y t h i n g  questions:  a r e keen t o teach.  p. 60)?  p r a c t i c e s and a c t i o n s  However, when we a s k them t o  sensible, like  answers t o t h e s e  'How l o n g a r e y o u p l a n n i n g  Hochelega?'; o r , 'Just passing  t o stay i n  through?'; they don't  seem t o h a v e t o o many e r u d i t e a n s w e r s . hear prayer  beads r a t t l i n g ,  I must r u n .  so I ' l l r e b u r y t h i s  I  journal  ( C a l l i o u f o r e m o t h e r j o u r n a l e n t r y , 1 6 0 7 (?), n.p.).  This passage d o e s n o t exist; b u t o h h o w I l o n g t o read s u c h b e c a u s e t h e y w o u l d teach m e counter-hegemony, resistance a n d The  survivance  -  about  very m u c h ingredients o f 'Canadian' his/herstory.  h i s / h e r s t o r y t o l d i n C a n a d a is t h i s h i s / h e r l n d i a n s t o r y a n d t h i s  his/herEuroCanadianstory.  A n d , this separation c o n t i n u e s  h e r e at t h i s u n i v e r s i t y , l o c a t e d o n t h e  traditional territory of the M u s q u e a m , w i t h 'mainstream' education  courses a n d then t w o  undergraduate a n d o n e graduate courses directly related t o this his/her"lndian"story o f their schooling.  T h e e v e n t s - l e s s o n s - o f t h i s h i s / h e r l n d i a n s t o r y are 'de-streamed', t h e r e f o r e , l a w f u l  o n l y s o far, m a r g i n a l i s e d  in special A b o r i g i n a l N a t i v e " l n d i a n " s t u d i e s courses and/or departments.  This artificial d i c h o t o m o u s treatment of his/her"lndian"story H E R E a n d his/herEuroCanadianstory T H E R E eludes the confrontation w i t h unpleasant r e c o g n i t i o n of t h e global patient called humanity.  W e i n h e r i t a n i n c r e d i b l e h i s t o r y o f v i o l e n c e as t e a c h e r s .  can b e 'inside' o r 'outside' a w e b o f relations s o tightly w o v e n ;  N o one  interconnected.  Interviewer: S o y o u s e e t h i s h i s / h e r s t o r y as f i r s t l y , o n l y h a l f o f h i s , er, h e r s t o r y a n d a l s o a h i s / h e r s t o r i c a l n a r r a t i v e as o n e o f i n t e r c o n n e c t e d n e s s  w h i c h w e h a v e n o t l e a r n t h o w t o w r i t e yet?  93 O n e Species-ism, Collective Interdependence  Interviewee: W e a r e i n t i m a t e l y i n t e r r e l a t e d as a s p e c i e s . S o m e o n e c u t s d o w n t r e e s a n d creates energy for m e to use m y computer.  I a m i n h a l i n g s o m e o n e else's e x h a l a t i o n .  Hhhmmm... I g u e s s , it's h e r e that I p u l l o u t a l l m y q u o t e s t o b u t t r e s s m y b e l i e f a b o u t interconnectedness.  Let's s e e w h o w i l l I use?  I g u e s s t h e q u o t a t i o n I r e t u r n t o is B l a c k E l k Jr. i n  C h u r c h i l l ' s ( 1 9 8 2 ) text, M a r x i s m a n d L a k o t a T r a d i t i o n ; [ I n t e r v i e w e e g r a b s a b o o k f r o m o n e the shelves. arranged alphabetically.  I n t e r v i e w e e reads.  A c c e s s is easy. T h e b o o k s a r e  T h e q u o t a t i o n seems r e a d i l y a v a i l a b l e as  p a g e s f r o m the b o o k are l o o s e a n d f a l l i n g out.  A n i n d i c a t i o n o f h o w o f t e n s h e has  b e e n t o this p l a c e i n s i d e this b o o k ? ] The  Lakota . . . close, open, a n d often punctuate  their prayers w i t h t h e w o r d  M e t a k u y e a y a s i , a g e n e r a l l y a c c e p t e d t r a n s l a t i o n o f w h i c h is 'all r e l a t i o n s . '  And  a n y o n e t h i n k i n g 'all r e l a t i o n s ' is r e f e r r i n g s i m p l y t o f a t h e r s , m o t h e r s , c o u s i n s a n d b r o t h e r s , is less t h a n i g n o r a n t o f t h e L a k o t a . included.  T h e s e h u m a n relations are, o f c o u r s e ,  But, i n t h e s a m e s e n s e , s o a r e t h e f o u r l e g g e d a n i m a l s , t h e a n i m a l s  w h i c h c r a w l a n d s w i m a n d fly, the plants, the mountains, lakes, plains, rivers, t h e s k y a n d s u n , stars, m o o n , t h e f o u r d i r e c t i o n s ... i n s h o r t , e v e r y t h i n g .  Everything in  t h e u n i v e r s e is r e l a t e d w i t h i n t h e t r a d i t i o n o f L a k o t a s p i r i t u a l i t y ; e v e r y t h i n g is relational, and c a n only be understood  in that w a y (Black Elk in C h u r c h i l l , 1 9 8 2  (?), p. 1 4 8 ) . T h i s p a s s a g e is a v e r y e l a t i o n a l p a s s a g e f o r me; a l s o , v e r y c o m f o r t i n g .  T h i s p a s s a g e is a n e a r l y  e n c o u n t e r at o n e o f t h o s e t i m e s w h e n I felt s u f f o c a t i n g l y b u r i e d i n text.  B l a c k Elk r e m i n d s m e t o  e s c h e w t h e r e d u n d a n t a n t h r o p o c e n t r i c p e r s p e c t i v e o f m y g r a d u a t e s t u d i e s . T h i s is a s t o p p i n g - p l a c e i n t e x t I d o n o t resist.  I'm n o t a l w a y s as t h o r o u g h a s c h o l a r as I m i g h t be. a u t h e n t i c a t e his e t h n o c u l t u r a l legitimacy. The  I have not r e s e a r c h e d B l a c k Elk to  p o w e r o f t h e w o r d s t h o u g h is t h e e m p h a s i s o n  relationality, the space-energy-between-among-all-beings  - perhaps, spirit - to b e u n d e r s t o o d as  shared and, thus, n e e d i n g our respectful caretaking.  Interviewer:  W h e n I r e a l l y p o n d e r t h i s a s p e c t o f r e l a t i o n a l i t y , t h e m o r e d i f f i c u l t it is t o  accept —  Interviewee:  any two-legged dichotomies?  Yes, I agree.  H a r d to see h o w a s p e c i e s  b e c a m e t o s e g m e n t e d . Thus, I b e g i n to t h i n k a b o u t this c o n s t r u c t I a m d r a w n t o construct. I c o i n t h e t e r m - ourstory.  F o r me, c o n t a c t is n o t o v e r ; a t t e m p t s o f c o l o n i z a t i o n a r e n o t c e a s e d ;  r e s i s t a n c e is n o t a b a t e d o r o v e r w h e l m e d . the two-leggeds.  Survivance endures.  T h i s is a s t o r y a b o u t o u r s e l v e s :  The e m o t i o n a l tensions of p i q u e & f u r y - s a d n e s s - g r i e v i n g - c o m p a s s i o n  c o l l a p s e of the d i c h o t o m y  of U S - T H E M .  motivate  In t h a t first t e a c h i n g t e r m , I w r i t e i n m y j o u r n a l ,  I still stew about the threat I was feeling in that classroom yesterday. I am not certain what it was a threat 'about' or 'to' in terms of my personal safety. This was difficult. I know I need to work on myself in some unknown area so I don't feel that threat so much . Yesterday, as I talked to M -- about this I was trying to tell him that it is all well and good to discuss the theoretical side of oppression and such, but I experience daily in terms of what some people say to me or how they treat me.  I feel I could  strengthen my compassionate presentation of material and not let the class become an emotional morass . . . This is not to say that I become an emotionless automaton, just that I feel/sense that these emotional responses [not mar the class]. I need to work more on my compassion center -  95  making the feelings of love, peace, happiness and compassion stronger. I know I can do this because it was this loving acceptance I learnt in classrooms at L -- which made me such an effective teacher. This quality of lovingness can sure get buried in the cognitive world of the university. I know I was resisting yesterday and creating feelings of separation which do not create those close links needed for teaching - especially teaching about this difficult and complex nest of issues. Well, I try again Thursday ( C a l l i o u , J o u r n a l Entry, N o v e m b e r 4, 1 9 9 2 , n.p.).  T h u s , I d e s i r e a c o m p a s s i o n a t e l y t o l d o u r s t o r y , w h i c h u n f l i n c h i n g l y i n f o r m s us e q u a l l y a b o u t EuroCanadianimmigrantresidents in contact with  NativeAboriginallndigenous"lndians."  Interviewer:  S o h i s / h e r s t o r y as a k i n d o f l o v e s t o r y ?  Interviewee:  F r e i r e ( 1 9 8 9 ; O r i g . 1 9 6 7 ) r e m i n d s t h a t if l o v e is a b s e n t , t h e n a n a u t h e n t i c  d i a l o g u e c a n n o t e m e r g e - n u r t u r e (p. 77). A s a d i c h o t o m y , U S - T H E M c o u l d b e c o m e a c o n t i n u a n c e of t h e brutal irrational v i o l e n c e of an U S - T H E M - this s e e m s a f e a r f i l l i n g d i c h o t o m y . F e a r f u l h e a r t - m i n d s , a n g r y h e a r t - m i n d s , d o u b t f u l h e a r t - m i n d s j u s t don't t h i n k r a t i o n a l l y , c a r e f u l l y , constructively, caringly. US-THEM, or inside-outside, privileges the erroneous possibility of b e i n g e l s e w h e r e , u n t o u c h e d b y this his/herstory of v i o l e n c e a n d false c o n s c i o u s n e s s l e g i t i m a t i o n "where C a n a d i a n legislators a n d courts p r o c e e d e d in the n a m e of the C r o w n to enforce s o v e r e i g n t y o v e r " P F N A ( B o l d t , 1 9 9 3 , p. 87). g e n e r o u s l y f e e d s us a l l . S e p a r a t i o n  Canadian  W e all w a l k this L a n d - M o t h e r together; S h e  is n o t p o s s i b l e i n a n i n t e r w o v e n n e t o f r e l a t i o n s h i p s , p o s s i b l y  l e a d i n g o n l y to a lengthy print w a r w h e r e w e write back-and-forth to e a c h other but n e v e r (re)connect.  I b e l i e v e n o o n e is i n s i d e / o u t s i d e t h e s h a m i n g o f v i o l e n c e ; n o r i n s i d e / o u t s i d e t h e  c e l e b r a t i o n of h e a l i n g ; nor inside/outside t h e reparations required t o restore  96 balance-harmony-beauty-spirit-power. his/herstory of Canada/Kanata.  " I n d i a n s " a r e n o t a f o o t n o t e t o h i s / h e r s t o r y , t h i s is t h e  W e are all two-leggeds, h o w to construct ourstory? Freire (1989)  r e m i n d s t h a t t h e r e is n o p r i v i l e g e , n o p l a c e of safety, i n r e l a t i o n s o f v i o l e n c e ( o p p r e s s i o n , g e n o c i d e et c e t e r a ) f o r t h e d e h u m a n i z a t i o n e q u a l l y a f f e c t s t h o s e l a b e l l e d ' o p p r e s s o r s ' a n d  those  l a b e l l e d ' o p p r e s s e d ' (p. 32). H o w e v e r , F r i e r e ( 1 9 8 9 ) o b s e r v e s that as a l l o f t h e e n e r g y o f t h e o p p r e s s o r s is c h a n n e l e d i n t o d e h u m a n i z a t i o n , t h e n t h e ' o p p r e s s e d ' a r e t h o s e w h o m i g h t l e a d a p e d a g o g i c a l l i b e r a t o r y s t r u g g l e t o ( r e ) h u m a n i z e (p. 32). T h u s , i n l i g h t o f Freire's recommendation,  m y desire for a compassionate, self-critically-compassionate,  ourstory  to  ( e n ) ( u n ) f o l d us t o g e t h e r m i g h t b e a t a d u n ( r e a l i s t i c ) & i d e a l i s t i c , i n f a c t -  Interviewer:  [ O b v i o u s l y e x c i t e d , cannot r e s t r a i n a n i n t e r r u p t i o n . ] B u t y o u s t i l l w a l k a c r o s s  that stage, i n W a r M e m o r i a l G y m , outfit. A n d  i n M a y o f 1 9 9 3 , d r e s s e d i n y o u r s t o r y c l o t h e s ; not, a n o u r s t o r y  y o u s e e m r e a s o n a b l y h a p p y , s e l f - s a t i s f i e d t o d o so?  Interviewee: O h , y e s . A n d , that s m i l e s a y s e v e r y t h i n g .  97  PART II: BRIEF WALK: THEN I NEED SOME NEW MOCCASINS, THE SOCIOSPIRITUEMOECOPOLITICOCULTURAL & OTHER WHITE NOISE OF RESEARCH  [ S o u n d s o f b o o k s b e i n g s n a p p e d shut, t h e s m o o s h i n g o f c h a i r s o n o r a n g e s h a g carpet a n d r a n d o m v o c a l i z a t i o n s , l i k e , "Oh, y o u ' r e b a c k ? " ; "I h o n e s t l y didn't t h i n k y o u ' d r e t u r n . A h , w e l l . " ;  " B r i n g e n o u g h f r e s h tapes?"; I  " F r e s h c o f f e e i n that t h e r m o s ? . "  F o r t h e s e c o n d d a y o f the i n t e r v i e w , the i n t e r v i e w e e is w e a r i n g a b l a c k t u r t l e n e c k t o p w i t h b l a c k s t r e t c h pants, g r e e n a n k l e s o c k s a n d b l a c k , l e a t h e r s l i p p e r - s h o e s . H e r h a i r is s c r a p e d b a c k i n t o the s e m b l a n c e o f a p o n y t a i l . ]  False Start(ling)  Interviewer:  So, y o u w a l k e d off that stage a n d i n t o a Ph.D.?  Interviewee: A h , y e s ; a h , y e s , stage w a l k i n g .  Sorry I m a y need s o m e time t o catch u p  w i t h y o u . B e f o r e y o u a r r i v e d , I w a s w o r k i n g o n g e n e r a t i n g that ( r e ) p e r i o d i z a t i o n o f s c h o o l i n g f o r P F N A ( C a l l i o u , 1 9 9 5 , u n f i n i s h e d ) . That's t h e p r o j e c t I m e n t i o n e d y e s t e r d a y .  R e a l l y e x c i t i n g stuff,  b e c a u s e I t h i n k I'm b e g i n n i n g t o s e e h o w t o w r i t e a n o u r s t o r y . A n d , I a m t o t a l l y i m m e r s e d i n the labels of l a n g u a g e used t o d e s c r i b e a n d narrate this his/herstory. Perhaps, w e c o u l d skip the b o r i n g (re)hashing of the mocca-shoes paper a n d have a look at h e r e - n o w ? [ I n t e r v i e w e e w a i t s f o r assent.  I n t e r v i e w e r p r o v i d e s none.]  98 A n y w a y , in teaching E D U C 4 4 1 a n d E D U C 4 4 2 , I have moment to (re)examine the p e r i o d i z a t i o n s t r u c t u r a t i o n - a g a i n t h e i n f r a s t r u c t u r e is q u a l i t y d e f l e c t i o n .  Interviewer: A h , d e f l e c t i o n ? Interviewer: P r e c i s e l y .  D e f l e c t i o n , we're i n v i t e d t o l o o k e l s e w h e r e , n o t here b u t there  w h e n w e e x a m i n e this his/herstory. s t u l t i f i e d as:  schools,  pre-contact, d a y  survival  schools  T h e b a s i c p e r i o d i z a t i o n o f t h i s l i n e a r ( r e ) t e l l i n g is b e c o m i n g  schools,  boarding  schools  schools  a n d then band-operated  ( 1 9 6 7 ) [pp. 19-41]; B a r m a n , H e b e r t & M c C a s k i l l  (residential  schools  a n d then industrial  (see, f o r e x a m p l e s , H a w t h o r n , H.B.  ( 1 9 8 6 ) , [pp. 1-22]; L a w r e n c e ( 1 9 8 7 ) [pp. 7-20];  K i r k n e s s & S e l k i r k - B o w m a n ( 1 9 9 2 ) [pp. 5-19] o r N o r i e g a i n J a i m e s ( 1 9 9 2 ) [pp. 3 7 1 - 4 0 2 ] ) . T h e e m p h a s i s h e r e - n o w is o n n o u n s w h i c h p o t e n t i a l l y s u b d u e t h e a c t i o n s , u s u a l l y r e p r e s e n t e d through verbs in English, of underlying  e p i s t e m o l o g i c a l - a f f e c t i v e - l i n g u i s t i c - p o l i t i c a l et cetera  v i o l e n c e t o o b s c u r e t h e p u r p o s e f u l reasons for p h y s i c a l a n d segregation of a P F N A a n d e n a c t m e n t of segregationist p o l i c i e s a n d attitudes.  N o w w h y w o u l d that b e ? T h e n o u n - t e r m s  reduce the terroristic foundations of a deliberately genocidal p o l i c y p u b l i c l y c a l l e d (see C h r i s j o h n  & Y o u n g , 1994).  [Interviewer  'schooling'  I mean the imp -  i n t e r r u p t s w i t h a f u l l - t h r o a t e d c o u g h . I n t e r v i e w e r is r e v i e w i n g l a m i n a t e d ,  y e l l o w note c a r d s r e g a r d i n g the r o l e o f the i n t e r v i e w e r .  S h e rereads o n e q u i c k l y a n d  s i l e n t l y t o herself.]  The role of the interviewer in non-directive interviewing appears to be passive. This is misleading though. The interviewer must be an active listener, he or she must listen to what is being said in order to assess how it relates to the research focus and how it may reflect the circumstances of the interview. Moreover, this is done with a view to how the future course of the interview might be shaped. While the aim is to minimize the influence of the researcher on what the  99  interviewee says, some structuring is necessary in terms of what is and is not relevant (Hammersley & Atkinson, 1991, pp. 113-114).  Interviewee: Y o u a l l right? C o u g h d u e t o c o l d ? Interviewer: N o , I'm f i n e . N o c o u g h . [Interviewer's emphasis], to t h e w e s t e r n r e a l m . are  I thought,  we [ I n t e r v i e w e r ' s e m p h a s i s ] might  perhaps [Interviewer's e m p h a s i s w i t h heart p o u n d i n g ] , as p l a n n e d , m o v e  I m e a n I a m s u r e y o u r r e c e n t w o r k is f a s c i n a t i n g a n d o f i n t e r e s t ; y e t w e  neglecting this interview [ m o r e I n t e r v i e w e r ' s e m p h a s i s ] . A n d , w e l l [ S a i d w i t h g e n u i n e t o n e o f  a p o l o g y ] t h i s is s u p p o s e d t o b e a b o u t  -  [and I n t e r v i e w e r i s interrupted.]  Interviewee:  Y e s , n o t a b o u t t h e latest h o b b y h o r s e I'm r i d i n g a r o u n d i n s o m e  newly  discovered corral.  Interviewer: I w a s h o p i n g t o d a y , w e c o u l d s t r i v e for, o r r a t h e r a t t e m p t f o r t o d a y t h e development  o f a c e r t a i n " u n i t y of p u r p o s e " as "one of t h e c e n t r a l o r g a n i z i n g f e a t u r e s of, a h , t h i s  c o l l a b o r a t i o n " ( K i r b y & M c K e n n a , 1 9 8 9 , p. 74).  Interviewee: Hhhmmm...l c o n s i d e r that y o u r r o l e t h e n is s u p p o s e d t o b e r a t h e r l i k e that of c o a c h , f a c i l i t a t o r , c o - i n q u i s i t o r , e m p a t h e t i c c o - r e s e a r c h e r et c e t e r a .  I can read y o u r laminated,  y e l l o w note cards upside d o w n ; I was a c l a s s r o o m teacher for ten years. I can read s i d e w a y s too.  Let's see, w h a t a r e y o u l o o k i n g at n o w ?  A h , y e s , O a k l e y ( 1 9 8 4 ) , t h e i n t e r v i e w e r is " m o r e  t h a n a n i n s t r u m e n t o f d a t a c o l l e c t i o n " (p. 48) s u c h that i n t e r v i e w ( e r ) ( e e ) e q u a l l y c o n t r i b u t e i d e a s , e x p e r i e n c e s , k n o w l e d g e a n d s u c h t o t h e " r e s e a r c h p r o c e s s " (Ibid., p. 4 8 ) . A w l - r i g h t ? H o w a b o u t I ask y o u q u e s t i o n s today?  Interviewer: W e l l , if y o u ' d rather n o t c o n t i n u e , that's O.K. t o o . I m e a n w e a r e b o t h a b l e to t e r m i n a t e at a n y p o i n t i n t h i s r e s e a r c h p r o c e s s , o n a n y o n e ' s say-so.  Interviewee: I d i d n ' t s a y - f e e l - t h i n k - i m p l y - i n t i m a t e - c o - f a c i l i t a t e t h a t s u g g e s t i o n .  100 Interviewer:  N o , b u t I c a n t e l l y o u are, p e r h a p s , u n c o m f o r t a b l e ; or, e r h , a h ; n o t f e e l i n g  e n o u g h trust t o c o n t i n u e . Interviewee: with  Maybe.  I just feel -  [ I n t e r r u p t i n g ] N o w don't g e t a l l ( a p o l o g e ) ( a n t h r o p o l o g e ) t i c a l l y f r u s t r a t e d  me. Let's s a l v a g e s o m e d a t a c o l l e c t i o n h e r e f o r y o u . I e m p a t h i s e w i t h t h e d i f f i c u l t y ,  getting participants-subjects-co-respondents to co(oper)(ollabor)ate; particularly i n a case w h e r e t h e s u b a l t e r n is a s k e d t o s p e a k - w r i t e .  T r y t o r e m e m b e r , t h o u g h , r e s e a r c h is b i g b u s i n e s s ;  p a r t i c u l a r l y , w h e n it c o m e s t o " I n d i a n s . " Interviewer:  I h o p e y o u ' r e n o t j u s t j u d g i n g t h i s as m y i n t e r v i e w . I m e a n I r e a l l y h o p e  y o u a r e n o t j u d g i n g t h i s as s o m e sort o f ' R o l l i n g - S t o n e - M a g a z i n e - c u m - i n t e r v i e w ' as r e s e a r c h w h e r e I t a k e " t h e d a t a a n d r u n " a n d g e t p u b l i s h e d ?  t u r n e d o n itself  I m e a n I'd r a t h e r h o p e d that o u r  research "is based o n the c o m m i t m e n t to advancing k n o w l e d g e through research grounded in the e x p e r i e n c e o f l i v i n g o n t h e m a r g i n s " ( K i r b y & M c K e n n a , 1 9 8 9 , p. 6 4 ) . Interviewee:  Huh?  Rat-tle/Rat-tle/Rat-tle/Rat-tle Interviewee:  D i d y o u hear-listen-(re)read a n y t h i n g I t o l d y o u y e s t e r d a y a b o u t t h e artificial  false consciousness of inside-outside; core-periphery? Who  c a n stand outside a circle?  That's a h o a x .  L o o k at t h e c i r c l e a g a i n .  W h o stands o u t s i d e i n t e r c o n n e c t i o n i n that B l a c k E l k i a n  c o s m o e c o m o r p h i c - t r a n s c e n d e n t - s e n s e (in C h u r c h i l l , 1 9 8 2 (?), p. 4 7 ) ? Interviewer: d i d n ' t m e a n it  that  W e l l , yes, of course.  I'm s u r e w e ' r e a l l c o n n e c t e d , r e l a t e d s o m e h o w .  [Interviewer's emphasis] way.  I  I - w e l l , y o u a r e m a r g i n a l i s e d , t h a t is at t h e  m a r g i n s , w h i c h is " t h e c o n t e x t i n w h i c h t h o s e w h o suffer i n j u s t i c e , i n e q u a l i t y a n d e x p l o i t a t i o n l i v e t h e i r l i v e s " ( K i r b y & M c K e n n a , 1 9 8 9 , p. 3 3 ) . I m e a n y o u a r e " o n t h e m a r g i n s n o t o n l y i n terms of the inequality in the distribution of material resources, but also m e c h a n i s m s o f k n o w l e d g e o r i g i n a t i o n a r e o r g a n i z e d s o that t h e v i e w s o f a s m a l l g r o u p o f p e o p l e p r e v a i l a s t h e 'Truth' " ( K i r b y & M c K e n n a , 1 9 8 9 , p. 3 3 ) . " T r u t h " w h i c h is "a s y s t e m o f o r d e r e d p r o c e d u r e s f o r  101 the p r o d u c t i o n , regulation, distribution, c i r c u l a t i o n , a n d o p e r a t i o n o f statements; . . . l i n k e d into a c i r c u l a r r e l a t i o n w i t h [self-sustaining] systems of p o w e r " (Fontana & P a s q u i n o i n i n t e r v i e w w i t h F o u c a u l t i n R a b i n o w , 1 9 8 4 , p. 74).  I a m p e r c e i v i n g this i n t e r v i e w  collaboration  as a m o m e n t t o  c r e a t e t h a t d i s r u p t u r e a n d g e t at s o m e t r u t h [Interviewer's e m p h a s i s ] . Interviewee: O h , I t h o u g h t y o u w e r e h e r e t o a s k m e s o m e q u e s t i o n s . ah, answers. Truth?  That might b e fun.  T o u g h - but fun.  C o l l e c t s o m e data,  R e m e m b e r Rosenau's (1992)  o b s e r v a t i o n t h a t " l a n g u a g e p r o d u c e s a n d r e p r o d u c e s its o w n w o r l d w i t h o u t r e f e r e n c e t o r e a l i t y " (p. 79) u n t i l t h e p o s s i b i l i t y t o s a y a n y t h i n g f o r s u r e b e c o m e s i m p o s s i b l e - i m p r o b a b l e - " b e c a u s e l a n g u a g e is p u r e l y a n a r t i f i c i a l s i g n s y s t e m a n d c a n n o t a s s u r e t r u t h " (p. 79)?  Interviewer: [ L o o k s h o p e f u l l y at the d o o r .  M a k e s m e n t a l note t o a s k c o m m i t t e e m e m b e r s a b o u t  the i d e a l i n t e r v i e w s i t u a t i o n v e r s u s this i n t e r v i e w s i t u a t i o n . ]  The Serious Play of Questions and Answers  [ M i c h e l F o u c a u l t ( M a y , 1984) intones offstage, u s i n g a g e n d e r e d m a l e p r o n o u n only]  In t h e s e r i o u s p l a y o f q u e s t i o n s a n d a n s w e r s , i n t h e w o r k o f r e c i p r o c a l e l u c i d a t i o n , t h e rights o f e a c h p e r s o n a r e i n s o m e s e n s e i m m a n e n t i n t h e d i s c u s s i o n . d e p e n d o n l y o n the dialogue situation.  They  T h e p e r s o n a s k i n g t h e q u e s t i o n s is m e r e l y  e x e r c i s i n g t h e r i g h t that h a s b e e n g i v e n t o h i m : t o r e m a i n u n c o n v i n c e d t o p e r c e i v e a contradiction, to require more information, to e m p h a s i z e different postulates, t o p o i n t o u t f a u l t y r e a s o n i n g , etc. A s f o r t h e p e r s o n a n s w e r i n g t h e q u e s t i o n s , h e t o o e x e r c i s e s a r i g h t t h a t d o e s n o t g o b e y o n d t h e d i s c u s s i o n itself; b y t h e l o g i c o f h i s o w n  102 d i s c o u r s e h e is t i e d t o t h e q u e s t i o n i n g o f t h e o t h e r .  Questions and answers depend  o n a g a m e - a g a m e that is at o n c e p l e a s a n t a n d d i f f i c u l t - i n w h i c h e a c h o f t h e t w o partners takes  p a i n s t o u s e o n l y t h e rights g i v e n  accepted  of the dialogue.  form  (Rabinow  h i m b y the other a n d b y t h e  in interview with  Foucault,  1984; i n  R a b i n o w , 1 9 8 4 , pp. 3 8 1 - 3 8 2 ) .  Interviewer:  Yes, I a m a s k i n g s o m e questions a n d then y o u answer. T h e r e are s o m e  c e r t a i n r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s h e r e - don't y o u t h i n k ?  A n d , y o u are o n the margins.  [ C o n t i n u e s t o p u r s u e the m a r g i n a l i s e d thesis.] I m e a n y o u even said  yesterday  [ R e l o c a t e s L i n e 'x' o f t y p e d t r a n s c r i p t ] that: e s p e c i a l l y , if o n e is n o t t o t h e U n i v e r s i t y b o r n .  I a m a n " I n d i a n " (see, f o r  e x a m p l e , A ) , Sect. 20(1) o f C a n a d a ' s I n d i a n A c t ), "a p e r s o n w h o p u r s u a n t t o t h i s A c t is r e g i s t e r e d a s a n I n d i a n o r is e n t i t l e d t o b e r e g i s t e r e d a s a n I n d i a n " (R.C.S., 1970,  c.l-6, s.5.).  In f a c t , 1 2 0 y e a r ago, I c o u l d n o t b e at a C a n a d i a n u n i v e r s i t y a s  a n " I n d i a n " (Ibid ., (R.C.S., 1 9 7 0 ,  c.l-6, s.5.). ( C a l l i o u , D a y : 0 0 1 I n t e r v i e w , L i n e  'x' o f t r a n s c r i p t T a p e # l l ( b ) ( i ) ) . You  t h e n c i t e C a n a d a ' s Indian Act ( 1 8 7 6 ) , S e c t i o n 86(1) r e g a r d i n g e n f r a n c h i s e m e n t .  Not only  that, t h e r e is e v i d e n c e t o ' l o c a t e ' y o u .  Economically You Are  Interviewer: and  For e x a m p l e , M a r c h a k ( 1 9 7 5 ; 1 9 8 8 ) .  M a r c h a k (1975) marshals statistical  o t h e r e v i d e n c e t o c h a l l e n g e a p e r v a s i v e " c l a s s l e s s i m a g e o f C a n a d a , " w h i c h is r e i n f o r c e d a n d  103 "renewed w i t h the daily reading of the newspaper, the v i e w i n g of television, the study of l i t e r a t u r e , o r h i s t o r y , o r s o c i a l s c i e n c e s " ( M a r c h a k , 1 9 7 5 , p. 31). D e s p i t e t h e a m o u n t o f curricular experiences devised a n d the amount of m o n e y invested in classrooms a n d c o m m u n i t i e s , i n e q u i t y persists.  [Interviewer's hurried note: Except the interviewee is here. Still unequal?]  M a r c h a k ( 1 9 7 5 ) c o m p e l l i n g l y a r g u e s that, i n C a n a d a , e d u c a t i o n d o e s n o t e l i m i n a t e t h e inequalities a n d inequities of o u r s e e m i n g l y seamless society. information, which  Instead, s h e presents statistical  l o c a t e d f r o m I n f o r m a t i o n C a n a d a , t o illustrate that t h o s e i n t h e u p p e r  e c h e l o n s o f s o c i e t y , t h a t is, u p p e r i n c o m e , h i g h e r status o c c u p a t i o n s , a r e t h o s e w h o s e n d t h e i r C a n a d i a n c h i l d r e n t o post-secondary institutions