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The relevance of career women’s homosocial relationships to their self-actualization Harris, Jean Vera 1984

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THE RELEVANCE OF CAREER WOMEN'S HOMOSOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS TO THEIR SELF-ACTUALIZATION by JEAN VERA HARRIS B.A., U n i v e r s i t y Of B r i t i s h Columbia, 1966 M.B.A., York U n i v e r s i t y , 1976 A THESIS SUBMITTED IN PARTIAL FULFILMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF MASTER OF ARTS in THE FACULTY OF GRADUATE STUDIES C o u n s e l l i n g Psychology We accept t h i s t h e s i s as conforming to the r e q u i r e d standard THE UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA September 1984 © Jean Vera H a r r i s , 1984 *t In p r e s e n t i n g t h i s t h e s i s i n p a r t i a l f u l f i l m e n t of the requirements f o r an advanced degree at the U n i v e r s i t y of B r i t i s h Columbia, I agree that the L i b r a r y s h a l l make i t f r e e l y a v a i l a b l e f o r r e f e r e n c e and study. I f u r t h e r agree that p e r m i s s i o n f o r e x t e n s i v e copying of t h i s t h e s i s f o r s c h o l a r l y purposes may be granted by the Head of my Department or by h i s or her r e p r e s e n t a t i v e s . I t i s understood that copying or p u b l i c a t i o n of t h i s t h e s i s f o r f i n a n c i a l gain s h a l l not be allowed without my w r i t t e n p e r m i s s i o n . Department of C o u n s e l l i n g Psychology The U n i v e r s i t y of B r i t i s h Columbia 2075 Wesbrook Place Vancouver, Canada V6T 1W5 Date: September 20, 1984 i i A b s t r a c t Recent f e m i n i s t l i t e r a t u r e has c e l e b r a t e d women's c a p a c i t i e s f o r g r o w t h - f a c i l i t a t i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s (Bernard, 1976; Chodorow, 1978; D i n n e r s t e i n , 1976; G i l l i g a n , 1982; M i l l e r , 1976; Smith-Rosenberg, 1975). M i l l e r (1976) has regarded a f f i l i a t i o n as c o n s i s t e n t with a r e d e f i n e d , enhanced and enlarged conception of autonomy. She p o s i t e d that autonomy and a f f i l i a t i o n have been d e f i n e d i n c o n t r a s t to each other only because the former i s a term d e r i v e d from male experience, with masculine emphasis on independence and c o m p e t i t i o n . M i l l e r has maintained that women w i l l d e f i n e a u t o n o m y - i n - r e l a t i o n s h i p as interdependence rather than independence. This study i s a beginning toward v a l i d a t i n g t h i s theory and d e s c r i b i n g the nature of these g r o w t h - f a c i l i t a t i n g bonds, as w e l l as examining the impact of the negative aspects of women's same-sex r e l a t i o n s h i p s , as p o s i t e d by Rawlings and Ca r t e r (1977) and Caplan (1981). I t provi d e s some resea r c h support f o r the r e d e f i n i t i o n of Maslow's (1954) concept of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n based on t h i s female p e r s p e c t i v e . Twenty-three women p s y c h o l o g i s t s , aged 35 to 68, were interv i e w e d . A l l had scored as s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g on the Personal O r i e n t a t i o n Inventory (Shostrom, 1963). The i n t e r v i e w s employed the c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t technique (Flanagan, 1954) to e l i c i t i n f o r m a t i o n on the s u b j e c t s ' r e l a t i o n s h i p s with other women that had f a c i l i t a t e d or hindered t h e i r progress toward s e l f -a c t u a l i z a t i o n , as they d e f i n e d that concept. Most of the women intervi e w e d experienced t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with other women as f a c i l i t a t i n g t h e i r s e l f -a c t u a l i z a t i o n . The data they p r o v i d e d i n d i c a t e d that the cumulative impact of r e l a t i o n s h i p s was more s i g n i f i c a n t than that of p a r t i c u l a r i n c i d e n t s . T h e r e f o r e the 133 f a c i l i t a t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p s they d e s c r i b e d were c a t e g o r i z e d i n t o four basic types: 1. I n s p i r a t ion . The subject i s i n s p i r e d by a model who she p e r c e i v e s to be more s e l f - a c t u a l i z e d than h e r s e l f in some aspect, o f t e n r e l a t e d to the competency t r a i t s . 2. A f f i r m a t i o n . The subject f e e l s a p p r e c i a t e d , a f f i r m e d , accepted, respected, t r u s t e d , or loved, u s u a l l y by an a u t h o r i t y f i g u r e . 3. Challenge . The f a c i l i t a t o r guides, a d v i s e s , pushes, q u e s t i o n s , c o n f r o n t s , c o r r e c t s , or reproaches the sub j e c t , thereby prompting her to re-examine and change her behaviour in a d i r e c t i o n that proves to be s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g . 4. M u t u a l i t y . The subject p a r t i c i p a t e s i n a mutual r e l a t i o n s h i p c h a r a c t e r i z e d by s i m i l a r i t y , involvement, openness, empathy, interdependence, c a r i n g , p l e a s u r e , growth, non-comp e t i t i v e n e s s , acceptance of c o n f l i c t , and endurance over t ime. It was suggested that these four dimensions of f a c i l i t a t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p s r e f l e c t a developmental p r o g r e s s i o n with readiness f o r the l a t t e r (Challenge and M u t u a l i t y ) being based on previous experience with the former ( I n s p i r a t i o n and A f f i r m a t i o n ) . About one-quarter of the women, however, s t a t e d that r e l a t i o n s h i p s with women a c t u a l i z a t i o n and that s p i r i t u a l i t y , or t h e i r own s i g n i f i c a n t f a c t o r s . The i m p l i c a t i o n s of women are d i s c u s s e d . i v had not f a c i l i t a t e d t h e i r s e l f -r e l a t i o n s h i p s with men, t h e i r independent e f f o r t s had been the the f i n d i n g s f o r the c o u n s e l l i n g of V Table of Contents A b s t r a c t i i Acknowledgement v i i Chapter I INTRODUCTION 1 A. OVERVIEW 1 B. DIFFERENCES IN FEMALE AND MALE SELF-ACTUALIZATION 2 C. THE RELEVANCE OF HOMOSOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS TO FEMALE DEVELOPMENT 4 D. RESEARCH QUESTIONS 6 E. DEFINITION OF TERMS 7 Chapter II REVIEW OF LITERATURE 8 A. THEORY AND RESEARCH REGARDING FEMALE DEVELOPMENT 8 B. THEORIES OF HOMOSOCIALITY •. 17 C. THEORY AND RESEARCH ON THE DIMENSIONS OF RELATIONSHIPS 20 D. THE RELEVANCE OF THE CONCEPT OF ROLE MODELING 22 E. THEORETICAL AND RESEARCH BASIS FOR THE METHODOLOGY 24 1. JUSTIFICATION FOR THE CHOICE OF APPROACH 24 2. THE CRITICAL INCIDENT TECHNIQUE 25 3. RELIABILITY AND VALIDITY OF THE TECHNIQUE 28 4. APPROACH TO CATEGORIZATION 31 F. EXPERIENTIAL CONTEXT OF THE STUDY 35 Chapter III DESCRIPTION OF RESEARCH DESIGN 37 A. SUBJECTS 37 B. THE INTERVIEW 39 C. PROCEDURE 41 Chapter IV RESULTS 45 A. PERSONAL UNDERSTANDINGS OF SELF-ACTUALIZATION 45 v i B. FACILITATING RELATIONSHIPS 49 C. CHARACTERISTICS OF THE MODELS 7 6 D. HINDERING RELATIONSHIPS 86 E. RELATIONSHIPS WITH MOTHERS 91 F. SELF-ACTUALIZATION WITHOUT HOMOSOCIALITY 98 Chapter V DISCUSSION 108 A. STATEMENT OF RESULTS 108 B. SIGNIFICANCE OF THE STUDY 116 1. THEORETICAL SIGNIFICANCE '.116 2. PRACTICAL SIGNIFICANCE 125 C. LIMITS OF THE STUDY 129 D. RECOMMENDATIONS FOR FUTURE RESEARCH 130 E. SUMMARY 135 REFERENCES 137 APPENDIX A - LETTER OF INITIAL CONTACT 144 APPENDIX B - LETTER TO PREPARE SUBJECT FOR INTERVIEW 145 APPENDIX C - SAMPLE RELATIONSHIP TRANSCRIPTS 147 v i i Acknowledgement I would l i k e to thank Dr. L o r e t t e K. Woolsey who has i n s p i r e d , a f f i r m e d , c h a l l e n g e d , and shared with me i n her p r o f o u n d l y f a c i l i t a t i v e way. I am a l s o g r a t e f u l to Dr. L e s l i e S. Greenberg and to Dr. Sharon E. Kahn who have c h a l l e n g e d me i n a way that has f e l t c o n s i s t e n t l y a f f i r m i n g . I would l i k e to acknowledge as w e l l my f r i e n d s , who have a f f i r m e d me through the course of the study, and who I have come to a p p r e c i a t e more deeply as a r e s u l t of my g r a p p l i n g with i t s t o p i c . F i n a l l y , I want to express my a p p r e c i a t i o n to the women who p a r t i c i p a t e d i n the study, who shared themselves so generously, and whose s t o r i e s have pr o v i d e d i n s p i r a t i o n to me f a r beyond the scope of t h i s r e s e a r c h . 1 I. INTRODUCTION A. OVERVIEW T h i s r e s e a r c h examines the relevance of the s o c i a l bonds between women to the s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g processes of career women. Female p s y c h o l o g i s t s who have been confirmed through t e s t i n g to be s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g are asked to d e s c r i b e c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t s in t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with other women which they c o n s i d e r to have f a c i l i t a t e d t h e i r s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i ' o n . These data are then i n t e g r a t e d i n t o an exhaustive d e s c r i p t i o n of t h i s l a r g e l y unexplored phenomenon. T h i s r e s e a r c h i s j u s t i f e d in the l i g h t of c u r r e n t l y e v o l v i n g l i t e r a t u r e on women's development which i s a r t i c u l a t i n g a q u a l i t a t i v e d i f f e r e n c e in the modes of female and male development--the female mode being based on a f f i l i a t i o n and co o p e r a t i o n , the male mode on autonomy and competition (Bernard, 1976; Chodorow, 1978; D i n n e r s t e i n , 1976; G i l l i g a n , 1982; M i l l e r , 1976). T h i s body of theory suggests that the s o c i a l bonds between women would be p a r t i c u l a r l y s i g n i f i c a n t f o r women's s e l f -a c t u a l i z a t i o n , i n terms of both d e f i n i n g and f a c i l i t a t i n g that p r o c e s s . The r e l a t i o n s h i p between these bonds and women's s e l f -a c t u a l i z a t i o n p resents a research focus that w i l l c o n t r i b u t e to the c l a r i f i c a t i o n and e l a b o r a t i o n of t h i s v i t a l new theory. 2 B. DIFFERENCES IN FEMALE AND MALE SELF-ACTUALIZATION Maslow (1954) developed the concept of the s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g person as one who i s more f u l l y f u n c t i o n i n g and l i v i n g a more en r i c h e d l i f e than the average person. Such i n d i v i d u a l s are seen as developing and u t i l i z i n g a l l of t h e i r unique c a p a b i l i t i e s or p o t e n t i a l i t i e s , f r e e of the i n h i b i t i o n s and emotional t u r m o i l of persons who are l e s s s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g . Other contemporary t h e o r i s t s have a l s o regarded autonomy, that i s , freedom from s o c i a l conventions and s e l f - p o s s e s s i o n , as c h a r a c t e r i s t i c of the mature p e r s o n a l i t y . Loevinger's (1966) autonomous stage, Kohlberg's (1981) p o s t c o n v e n t i o n a l l e v e l , and Riesman's (1961) autonomous o r i e n t a t i o n are c o n s t r u c t s that seem to p o i n t to the same c o n c e p t u a l i z a t i o n (Loevinger, 1976). Rogers (1951, 1961) c o n s i d e r e d s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n to be the goal of the psychotherapeutic process. The concept then i s fundamental to humanistic psychology, and t h e r e f o r e f o r c o u n s e l l o r s and t h e r a p i s t s . Maslow's (1954) b e l i e f that we can l e a r n about human psychology by studying p o s i t i v e examples of mental h e a l t h u n d e r l i e s t h i s r e s e a r c h . Women, in p a r t i c u l a r , have la c k e d p o s i t i v e models from which to l e a r n and to f i n d the i n s p i r a t i o n to develop themselves beyond the c o n s t r a i n t s of t h e i r t r a d i t i o n a l r o l e s . M i l l e r (1976) made the p o i n t that because of t h e i r subordinate s o c i a l s t a t u s and the l i m i t a t i o n s t h i s p l a c e s on t h e i r range of a c t i o n and i n t e r a c t i o n , women lack a r e a l i s t i c e v a l u a t i o n of t h e i r c a p a c i t i e s . M i l l e r (1976) c o n s i d e r e d the i d e a l to be " a u t h e n t i c i t y " - -3 a c t i n g and r e a c t i n g out of one's own being, r a t h e r than out of dependence upon o t h e r s — a concept that a l s o seems to correspond to that of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . For women to f i n d t h e i r own paths to e f f e c t i v e a c t i o n , that i s , to be a u t h e n t i c or to s e l f -a c t u a l i z e , she b e l i e v e d they must allow themselves to engage with o t h e r s . Women move on to g r e a t e r s t r e n g t h as pa r t of the process of i n v o l v i n g themselves with other people. T h e i r i n d i v i d u a l development proceeds by means of a f f i l i a t i o n . Women have been s o c i a l i z e d to accept t h e i r a f f i l i a t i v e and co o p e r a t i v e t e n d e n c i e s , t h e i r v u l n e r a b i l i t y and t h e i r c a r i n g , and to commit these q u a l i t i e s to s e r v i n g and b e n e f i t t i n g a strong, independent mate. Although these q u a l i t i e s have been valued " f o r women", in the broader context of human development, these same q u a l i t i e s are c o n c e p t u a l i z e d as weaknesses. However, M i l l e r (1976) made the po i n t that because women have been d e l e g a t e d , by p a t r i a r c h a l s o c i e t y , the i n t e n s e , emotionally-connected, c o o p e r a t i v e and c r e a t i v e work of n u r t u r i n g human l i f e and growth , they have developed the foundations of extremely v a l u a b l e p s y c h o l o g i c a l q u a l i t i e s . These are the q u a l i t i e s that are e s s e n t i a l to the establishment of the deeply s u p p o r t i v e interdependent bonds w i t h i n which the process of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n o c c u r s . M i l l e r ' s (1976) d i f f e r e n t i a t i o n of " a u t h e n t i c i t y " from the male concept of autonomy i s p a r a l l e l e d i n G e l l e r (1982) who c r i t i q u e d Maslow's (1954) theory of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n as o f f e r i n g l i t t l e toward understanding and improving the human c o n d i t i o n w i t h i n l a t e - t w e n t i e t h - c e n t u r y Western s o c i e t y . G e l l e r 4 p o i n t e d out that i t expresses and supports r e l a t i o n s h i p s of dehumanization by c o n c e i v i n g the value of r e l a t i o n s h i p s as a means to the end of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . A c t i n g on the imperative of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n makes i t impossible to form those genuine r e l a t i o n s h i p s of community without which t h i s dehumanization cannot be overcome. By a " r e l a t i o n s h i p of community", I mean minimally a r e c i p r o c a l r e l a t i o n s h i p in which each p a r t i c i p a n t regards a n d . t r e a t s the other as an end in h e r s e l f ( h i m s e l f ) whose i n t e r e s t s are i n t r i n s i c a l l y worthy of being respected, defended and advanced. The r e l a t i o n s h i p i s experienced as an end in i t s e l f , one to be enjoyed and nurtured f o r i t s own sake, and not merely as a means to a p r i v a t e end, one to be used and manipulated for p e r s o n a l advantage. Moreover a c t i n g on the imperative of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n a c t u a l l y strengthens and perpetuates t h i s c o n d i t i o n of dehumanization by r e q u i r i n g us to subordinate others to our own development. To seek s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n , however w e l l - i n t e n t i o n e d , s u s t a i n s and r e i n f o r c e s the fragmentation and d i v i s i v e n e s s between and among persons. (pp. 71-72) Hence, i t appears necessary to study s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n in women, in a way that allows sex d i f f e r e n c e s , i f they e x i s t , to emerge. C. THE RELEVANCE OF HOMOSOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS TO FEMALE DEVELOPMENT The independent v a r i a b l e being examined in t h i s study i s women's r e l a t i o n s h i p s with other women, that i s , homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s . The term h o m o s o c i a l i t y r e f e r s to these bonds and i n c l u d e s the enjoyment of, seeking and/or (under some circumstances) preference f o r the company of other people of one's own sex. Homosociality i s not homosexuality; i t concerns the s o c i a l , n o n - e r o t i c r e l a t i o n s h i p s between women (or men). Smith-Rosenberg (1975) and Faderman (1981) have d e s c r i b e d 5 the s p e c i a l t i e s of intimacy and a f f e c t i o n i n the t r a d i t i o n a l female world of previous c e n t u r i e s . Bernard (1976) has po i n t e d to the e r o s i o n of twentieth-century female h o m o s o c i a l i t y a r i s i n g from the l o s s of that t r a d i t i o n a l women's world and from the modern d e n i g r a t i o n of women and t h e i r homosocial bonds that complements the normative emphasis in t h i s century on hete r o s e x u a l t i e s . Bernard (1976) adoped Weiss's (1973) concept of " r e l a t i o n a l d e f i c i t " that women, whose way of being s o c i a l i n v o l v e s intimacy, communion and attachment, experience i n t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with men as a r e s u l t of male i n e x p r e s s i v i t y . Because of the d e n i g r a t i o n of t h e i r bonds with one another, t w e n t i e t h - c e n t u r y women have been ashamed to compensate f o r t h i s d e f i c i t by attachments with women as ninet e e n t h - c e n t u r y women had done. Bernard claimed that "the l o s s of t h i s female homosocial s t r u c t u r e in the twent i e t h century has d e a l t women a v i t a l blow, l e a v i n g a v o i d not e a s i l y f i l l e d from other sources" (p. 229). However, she has noted that s i n c e the resurgence of the women's l i b e r a t i o n movement i n the 1960's, women have begun to compensate f o r the r e l a t i o n a l d e f i c i t they experience i n t h e i r h e t e r o s e x u a l t i e s by r e h a b i l i t a t i n g t h e i r d e n i g r a t e d homosocial bonds. She has noted the emergence and p r o l i f e r a t i o n of women's mutual-aid groups which help i n c r e a s e t h e i r s e l f - r e l i a n c e and t h e i r a b i l i t y to take charge of t h e i r own l i v e s . And she has supported M i l l e r ' s (1976) c l a i m that women's p u l l toward a f f i l i a t i o n i s a b a s i c s t r e n g t h . Bernard (1976) has, i n 6 essence, r e f e r r e d here to women's s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n , regarding i t as d i r e c t l y p o t e n t i a t e d by the r e h a b i l i t a t i o n of t h e i r homosocial bonds. T h i s hypothesized r e l a t i o n s h i p between women's a f f i l i a t i v e way of being and t h e i r s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n forms the b a s i s f o r t h i s study. Both the r e v a l u i n g of women's bonds with one another and the f r e e i n g of women's p o t e n t i a l from the c o n s t r a i n t s of t r a d i t i o n a l r o l e s o c i a l i z a t i o n are concurrent phenomena of our time. T h i s r e s e a r c h examines the ways in which the former e f f e c t s the l a t t e r . D. RESEARCH QUESTIONS More s p e c i f i c a l l y , t h i s study i s intended to shed l i g h t on the f o l l o w i n g q u e s t i o n s : 1. Do s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g c a r e e r women see s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n in terms of independence, interdependence or both? 2. Do these women's homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s f a c i l i t a t e t h e i r s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n ? 3 . If so, what are the c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s of these r e l a t i o n s h i p s which seem to be f a c i l i t a t i v e ? 4. What aspects ( i f any) of homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s hinder women's s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n ? These q u e s t i o n s are set out i n order to provide a focus f o r the e x p l o r a t i o n which i s the aim of t h i s study. I t i s not a n t i c i p a t e d that d e f i n i t i v e answers to these q u e s t i o n s w i l l be found. Rather, the study i s designed to permit d i s c o v e r y and model-buiIding. 7 E. DEFINITION OF TERMS S e l f - A c t u a l i z a t i o n - Maslow's (1954) d e f i n i t i o n i n c l u d e s two elements: s e l f - a c t u a l i z e d i n d i v i d u a l s u t i l i z e t h e i r unique c a p a b i l i t i e s or p o t e n t i a l i t i e s and they are f r e e of both e x t e r n a l and i n t e r n a l i n h i b i t i o n s to that u t i l i z a t i o n . M i l l e r ' s (1976) d e f i n i t i o n - a c t i n g and r e a c t i n g out of one's own being -i m p l i c i t l y i n c o r p o r a t e s the c e n t r a l i t y of r e l a t i o n s h i p to and interdependence with others in the words " a c t i n g and r e a c t i n g " , whereas Maslow's re f e r e n c e to e x t e r n a l i n h i b i t i o n s i m p l i e s that r e l a t i o n s h i p i s a t h r e a t rather than a p o t e n t i a t i n g f a c t o r . H o m o s ociality - The term r e f e r s to the t i e s or bonds ( s o c i a l , not sexual) that women have with other women and that men have with other men. These r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n c l u d e those with f r i e n d s , r e l a t i v e s , neighbours, workmates, e t c . . Homosociality i n c l u d e s the enjoyment o f , seeking and/or (under some circumstances) preference f o r the company of other people of one's own sex. It a l s o may i n v o l v e some sense of a " s p e c i a l t i e " or "common bond" which l i n k s people of the same sex. There may be a sense of i d e n t i f y i n g with, s h a r i n g common experiences, and having some advantages and disadvantages i n common with other members of one's own sex. There may even be a c e r t a i n f e e l i n g of l o y a l t y to and/or v i c a r i o u s p r i d e i n the achievements of other members of one's own sex (Woolsey, 1984). 8 I I . REVIEW OF LITERATURE A. THEORY AND RESEARCH REGARDING FEMALE DEVELOPMENT T r a d i t i o n a l approaches to the psychology of women were o f t e n s t r o n g l y i n f l u e n c e d by the a n d r o c e n t r i c i s m of the wider p a t r i a r c h a l c u l t u r e (Rawlings & C a r t e r , 1977). There was a consequent tendency to i n t e r p r e t gender d i f f e r e n c e s as female d e f i c i e n c i e s , using the male as normative (Broverman, Broverman, C l a r k s o n , Rosenkrantz, & Vogel; 1970). Freud (1905/61) e x p l a i n e d the s t r e n g t h and p e r s i s t e n c e of women's attachment to t h e i r mothers i n terms of an anatomical d e f i c i e n c y ( i n comparison to males) which d e p r i v e s women of the impetus f o r a c l e a r - c u t o e d i p a l r e s o l u t i o n . T h i s in turn r e s u l t s i n a weaker superego and women are thus "more of t e n i n f l u e n c e d i n t h e i r judgments by f e e l i n g s of a f f e c t i o n and h o s t i l i t y " (p. 258). Freud's extremely negative view of women has generated a wealth of theory c r i t i c i z i n g h i s p o s i t i o n and a f f i r m i n g i n s t e a d the value of women's way of being ( C h e s l e r , 1972; Horney, 1926; Rawlings & C a r t e r , 1977). During the past decade, a body of theory has been accumulating that d e s c r i b e s female development as a unique phenomenon. T h i s work has taken i s s u e with the t r a d i t i o n a l c onception of women's growth as a d e v i a t i o n from male development and t h e r e f o r e , by i m p l i c a t i o n , as l e s s s u c c e s s f u l . The present study, f o c u s i n g on women's s e l f -a c t u a l i z a t i o n , i s conceived i n t h i s context of a f f i r m a t i o n of women. 9 Stark-Adamec and Kimball (1984) have r e f l e c t e d t h i s p e r s p e c t i v e i n t h e i r i d e n t i f i c a t i o n of the numerous and s u b t l e m a n i f e s t a t i o n s of sexism i n p s y c h o l o g i c a l research, and i n t h e i r c a l l f o r more work to be done on women and women's i s s u e s so that psychology can become n o n s e x i s t . They have maintained that s e x i s t s c i e n c e i s bad s c i e n c e , and have advocated the r e c o n t e x t u a l i z a t i o n of the s c i e n t i f i c knowledge base concerning women by re f e r e n c e to the s o c i a l , economic and p o l i t i c a l c ontexts of women's l i v e s . E i c h l e r (1981) has advocated that funding be d i r e c t e d to such nonsexist and t h e r e f o r e t r u l y r e l i a b l e and v a l i d r e s e a r c h . Chodorow (1978) e x p l a i n e d the f i n d i n g that women d e f i n e themselves i n r e l a t i o n to and i n connection with other people more than men do as being due to the s o c i a l i z a t i o n of women by t h e i r same-sex parent. Since mothers experience t h e i r daughters as more l i k e them than are t h e i r sons, g i r l s continue to experience themselves as i n v o l v e d i n issu e s of merging and se p a r a t i o n , while boys are pushed out of the primary mother-c h i l d r e l a t i o n s h i p and have to c u r t a i l t h e i r primary love and sense of empathic t i e with t h e i r mothers. Chodorow accounted for the gender d i f f e r e n c e s more p o s i t i v e l y than Freud (1905/61) d i d : " G i r l s emerge with a stronger b a s i s f o r e x p e r i e n c i n g another's needs and f e e l i n g s as one's own .... From very e a r l y on, then, because they are parented by a person of the same gender ... g i r l s come to experience themselves as l e s s d i f f e r e n t i a t e d than boys" (p. 167). Feminine gender i d e n t i t y , then, does not depend on the progress of i n d i v i d u a t i o n . 10 Chodorow has seen the q u a l i t y of embeddedness i n s o c i a l i n t e r a c t i o n and pers o n a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s that c h a r a c t e r i z e s women's l i v e s as a d i f f e r e n c e , not a d e f i c i e n c y . D i n n e r s t e i n (1976) a l s o i n t e r p r e t e d t h i s gender d i f f e r e n c e in p s y c h o a n a l y t i c terms: Both sexes use women as t a r g e t s of the p r i m i t i v e envy-g r a t i t u d e ambivalence d e s c r i b e d by K l e i n (1957). But the f e e l i n g s women have about doing so are modulated by the f a c t that the e a r l y mother e v e n t u a l l y does, at l e a s t to some degree, evolve f o r the growing c h i l d i n t o an a c t u a l person. The g i r l c h i l d i s l i k e l y to come to i d e n t i f y with t h i s a c t u a l person more c l o s e l y than the boy c h i l d . She i s t h e r e f o r e apt to develop a l i v e l i e r sense of compunction f o r her and a l s o f o r the f i g u r e of the e a r l y mother that remains, on a r c h a i c l e v e l s of awareness, connected with t h i s l a t e r , more a c t u a l mother. In t h i s c o m p u n c t i o n — p a r t i c u l a r l y i f the s p l i t - o f f antagonism that goes with i t i s recognized and i n t e g r a t e d - - l i e s a stro n g p o t e n t i a l b a s i s f o r s o l i d a r i t y among women. Men's a f f e c t i o n f o r each other does not i n c l u d e anything l i k e t h i s tender, h e a l i n g s o l i c i t u d e . They do not need to make r e p a r a t i o n to each other f o r e a r l y f e e l i n g s of greed and rage. (p. 102) Wr i t i n g from an o b j e c t r e l a t i o n s p e r s p e c t i v e , Flax (1978) a r r i v e d at the same c o n c l u s i o n as d i d Chodorow (1978) and D i n n e r s t e i n (1976) reg a r d i n g women's s p e c i a l p o t e n t i a l f o r s e l f -a c t u a l i z i n g homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s . In response to Freud's often-quoted q u e s t i o n , she s a i d that what women want i s an experience of both nurturance and autonomy w i t h i n an int i m a t e r e l a t i o n s h i p , a wish d i f f i c u l t to a t t a i n as long as p s y c h o l o g i c a l development occurs w i t h i n the p a t r i a r c h a l f a m i l y which c r e a t e s an i n a b i l i t y of many men to be n u r t u r e r s , and as long as homophobia makes intimacy between women suspect. R e f e r r i n g to Mahler's (1968) work on symbiotic p s y c h o s i s and the stages of the s e p a r a t i o n - i n d i v i d u a t i o n p r o c e s s , Flax e x p l a i n e d 11 that because the woman i s l e s s l i k e l y to have had an adequate symbiotic experience than the man (due to the mother's i d e n t i f i c a t i o n with her, the mother's unconscious c o n f l i c t in a homophobic s o c i e t y and her own c o n f l i c t about being female in p a t r i a r c h a l s o c i e t y ) , her needs f o r a sense of f u s i o n with a c a r i n g , r e l i a b l e person remain s t r o n g . Only through r e l a t i o n s h i p s with other women can women heal the hu r t s s u f f e r e d d u r i n g t h e i r p s y c h o l o g i c a l development. The r i f t between i d e n t i f y i n g with the mother and being o n e s e l f can only be c l o s e d w i t h i n a r e l a t i o n s h i p in which one i s nurtured f o r being one's autonomous s e l f . Only women can enable women to experience themselves as whole and to overcome the fear of punishment f o r the e x p r e s s i o n of t h e i r autonomous s e l v e s . Lever (1976) observed these gender d i f f e r e n c e s i n the play a c t i v i t i e s of middle c h i l d h o o d in which, rather than e l a b o r a t i n g a system of r u l e s f o r r e s o l v i n g d i s p u t e s as boys do, g i r l s d i r e c t e d t h e i r e f f o r t s i n s t e a d toward s u s t a i n i n g a f f e c t i v e t i e s . Sassen (1980) a l s o e x p l a i n e d the d i f f e r e n c e p o s i t i v e l y by r e c a s t i n g Horner's (1972) concept of women's "f e a r of success" by suggesting i t might i n d i c a t e "a heightened p e r c e p t i o n of the 'other s i d e ' of c o m p e t i t i v e success, that i s , the great emotional c o s t s at which success achieved through c o m p e t i t i o n i s of t e n gained" (p. 15). Based on o b s e r v a t i o n s of males, E r i k s o n (1963) has i d e n t i f i e d adolescence as the time at which i d e n t i t y i s formed. Intimacy i s a l a t e r experience of adulthood. For female a d o l e s c e n t s , however, intimacy i s fused with i d e n t i t y ( G i l l i g a n , 1 2 1982). Rather than regard t h i s d i f f e r e n t process as the b l u r r i n g of female i d e n t i t y or the b l u n t i n g of female p o t e n t i a l f o r s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n , as E r i k s o n has done, G i l l i g a n has c o n c e p t u a l i z e d the process as one of the developing woman coming to know h e r s e l f through her r e l a t i o n s h i p s with o t h e r s . G i l l i g a n (1982) co n s i d e r e d women's o v e r r i d i n g concern with r e l a t i o n s h i p s and r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s as i n d i c a t i v e of a l e v e l of development that men are now a c h i e v i n g only in m i d - l i f e with t h e i r d i s c o v e r y then of the importance of intimacy. Women's progress towards maturity i s i n d i c a t e d in t h e i r judgment s h i f t i n g from an e g o c e n t r i c to a c o n v e n t i o n a l to a p r i n c i p l e d e t h i c a l understanding a r t i c u l a t e d through t h e i r use of a d i s t i n c t moral language i n which the terms " s e l f i s h n e s s " and " r e s p o n s i b i l i t y " d e f i n e the moral problem as one of ca r e . Throughout t h e i r development, women recognize the c o n t i n u i n g importance of attachment and t h e i r s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n c o n s i s t s of the p r o g r e s s i v e r e s t r u c t u r i n g of t h i s understanding toward a more adequate conception of c a r e . Kegan (1982) presented a model of development that i s a beginning toward i n c o r p o r a t i n g women's d i f f e r e n t p r o c e s s . He regarded women's c o n s c i o u s n e s s - r a i s i n g groups , (a s t r u c t u r e f o r homosocial bonding), as a c t u a l l y r a i s i n g women's consciousness to a higher l e v e l of development. These groups achieve t h i s by sponsoring women's t r a n s i t i o n from the I n t e r p e r s o n a l i s t balance or stage, "with i t s o r i e n t a t i o n to nurture, a f f i l i a t i o n and the o r g a n i z a t i o n of the s e l f around the e x p e c t a t i o n s of the other" (p. 211) (which conforms to the t r a d i t i o n a l stereotype of 13 f e m i n i n i t y ) , to the I n s t i t u t i o n a l stage. Through t h e i r p a r t i c i p a t i o n with other women i n these groups i n the d e f i n i t i o n of t h e i r womanhood, he saw women c o n s t r u c t i n g themselves and t h e i r world, which he regarded as a necessary and n a t u r a l f e a t u r e of development toward m a t u r i t y . Women's (and men's) development, a c c o r d i n g to Kegan (1982), i s achieved through the f u n c t i o n s performed by the person's " c u l t u r e of embeddedness", these f u n c t i o n s being c o n f i r m a t i o n , c o n t r a d i c t i o n and c o n t i n u i t y . Support that f a c i l i t a t e s development c o n s i s t s i n there being "others who can see, recognize and understand who the person i s and who he or she i s becoming. Support i s not alone an a f f e c t i v e matter, but a matter of knowing, a matter of shape as w e l l as i n t e n s i t y " (p.260). Kegan s t r e s s e d that the de v e l o p i n g person r e q u i r e s ongoing support from o t h e r s , that i s , that these others know and ho l d the person before, d u r i n g and a f t e r her t r a n s i t i o n s ; they acknowledge and g r i e v e her l o s s e s , acknowledge and c e l e b r a t e her gains, and he l p her to acknowledge them h e r s e l f . Kegan's (1982) c o n c e p t u a l i z a t i o n of the development process, although not s p e c i f i c a l l y based on women's experience, recognized the c e n t r a l importance of r e l a t i o n s h i p to higher l e v e l s of human development and suggested the p a r t i c u l a r s i g n i f i c a n c e of homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s f o r women's transcending t h e i r t r a d i t i o n a l r o l e s . However, i n regarding a f f i l i a t i o n as part of the stage that women must transcend i n order to achieve m a t u r i t y , he has missed the key aspect of women's way of being that allows them to enter i n t o the growth-14 f a c i l i t a t i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s they r e q u i r e . There i s , thus, an accumulating body of theory that d e f i n e s the nature and a f f i r m s the value of the attachment b a s i s f o r women's development toward s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . Three recent r e s e a r c h s t u d i e s are examined i n t h i s context. Davidson and Packard (1981) s t u d i e d 71 u n i v e r s i t y women's same-sex f r i e n d s h i p s f o r the ongoing presence of Yalom's (1970) 14 t h e r a p e u t i c dimensions. The women repor t e d that t h e i r f r i e n d s h i p s c o n t r i b u t e d at l e a s t moderately along a l l 14 dimensions and c o n t r i b u t e d much on 5 of these. Davidson and Packard concluded that same-sex f r i e n d s h i p s c o n t r i b u t e to the pers o n a l growth, support, or change of women, ( i . e . , have t h e r a p e u t i c v a l u e ) . In demonstrating that women's r e l a t i o n s h i p s have t h e r a p e u t i c value, these r e s u l t s l e a d to the e x p e c t a t i o n that these r e l a t i o n s h i p s a l s o promote s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n , s i n c e the two processes are c l o s e l y i n t e r r e l a t e d . Hence Davidson and Packard's (1981) work suggests that the study of h o m o s o c i a l i t y and s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n i n women w i l l r e v e a l a f a c i l i t a t i v e impact. B e l l (1981) has examined the s p e c i a l f e a t u r e s of the f r i e n d s h i p s of "nonconventional" women whom he d e f i n e s i n terms q u i t e c o n s i s t e n t with Maslow's (1954) d e f i n i t i o n of s e l f -a c t u a l i z i n g : d e s i r e to i n f l u e n c e change, to seek pleasure or gre a t e r happiness, to exert more c o n t r o l over t h e i r l i v e s ; o v e r a l l s a t i s f a c t i o n with l i f e combined with w i l l i n g n e s s to take gambles i n t h e i r l i v e s . He in t e r v i e w e d 55 nonconventional women 15 and found that they revealed f a r more about themselves to t h e i r f r i e n d s than c o n v e n t i o n a l women d i d and they d e s c r i b e d t h e i r f e e l i n g s toward t h e i r best f r i e n d s as being l o v i n g , a f f e c t i o n a t e , warm, comfortable or s u p p o r t i v e . Conventional women, on the other hand, were more apt to s t r e s s t r u s t , r e l i a b i l i t y and mutual help, to s t r e s s the n e g o t i a b l e and e x t e r n a l aspects of f r i e n d s h i p r a t h e r than the i n t e r n a l and emotional. It appears from B e l l ' s (1981) f i n d i n g s that these "nonconventional" women f i t Maslow's (1954) d e f i n i t i o n of the s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g person, but had much stronger and more p o s i t i v e homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s than d i d " c o n v e n t i o n a l " women. Hence h i s study suggests that there i s a f a c i l i t a t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p between h o m o s o c i a l i t y and s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n , but i t does not i n d i c a t e whether the r e l a t i o n s h i p s f a c i l i t a t e s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n or v i c e v e r s a . K i n c a i d (1977) s t u d i e d 24 married women who had returned to c o l l e g e a f t e r being f u l l - t i m e homemakers. They were t e s t e d before and a f t e r a 16-session c o n s c i o u s n e s s - r a i s i n g "course" of s t r u c t u r e d group e x e r c i s e s that focused on s e x - r o l e s t e r e o t y p e s , s e x - r o l e c o n f l i c t r e s o l u t i o n , i n t e r p e r s o n a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s , i n t e r e s t assessment, goal i d e n t i f i c a t i o n and i n d i v i d u a l and group d e c i s i o n - making. Using Shostrom's (1963) Personal O r i e n t a t i o n Inventory as a measure of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n , K i n c a i d found a s i g n i f i c a n t gain on the Inner D i r e c t e d n e s s s c a l e which measures the degree to which one i s guided by i n t e r n a l needs and p r i n c i p l e s rather than by e x t e r n a l i n f l u e n c e s such as 1 6 peers and f a m i l y . She d e s c r i b e d the c o n s c i o u s n e s s - r a i s i n g group as designed to overcome the i s o l a t i o n of women and to provide an oppor t u n i t y f o r them to examine t h e i r i n d i v i d u a l l i v e s , and she i n t e r p r e t e d t h i s r e s u l t as demonstrating i n c r e a s e d p o t e n t i a l f o r s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . She d i d not, however, d i s t i n g u i s h the women's progress toward s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n from that which men might experience in a s i m i l a r group, but simply r e l a t e d the women's growth d i r e c t l y to the a f f i l i a t i o n e x perience. K i n c a i d ' s (1977) work prov i d e s strong evidence of the f a c i l i t a t i v e impact of women's homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s on t h e i r s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n , but i t does not s p e c i f y how the impact was made by examining the group i n t e r a c t i o n s . I t i s t h i s process that the present study e x p l o r e s and d e s c r i b e s , and thereby enhances the c r e d i b i l i t y of t h e o r i e s such as those c i t e d and research such as K i n c a i d ' s . In summary, the c i t e d theory and re s e a r c h suggest that r e l a t i o n s h i p s do f a c i l i t a t e s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . Furthermore, they suggest that homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s , i n p a r t i c u l a r , are f a c i l i t a t i v e i n t h i s regard. F i n a l l y , the theory p o i n t s to a d i f f e r e n c e i n the way i n which women c o n c e p t u a l i z e s e l f -a c t u a l i z a t i o n from Maslow's (1954) o r i g i n a l c o n c e p t i o n . It seems that what i s r e q u i r e d , then, i s t o c l a r i f y the meaning of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n f o r women, to v e r i f y whether r e l a t i o n s h i p s , p a r t i c u l a r l y homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s , are important to t h e i r s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g processes, and to begin to s p e c i f y how these r e l a t i o n s h i p s a c t u a l l y impact, both i n f a c i l i t a t i n g and, p o s s i b l y , h i n d e r i n g women's s e l f -17 a c t u a l i z a t i o n . The present study i s aimed at c o n t r i b u t i n g to the accomplishment of these three t a s k s . B. THEORIES OF HOMOSOCIALITY Recent i n t e r e s t i n h o m o s o c i a l i t y began with the a n t h r o p o l o g i c a l work of T i g e r (1970). He p o s t u l a t e d a "bonding i n s t i n c t " i n males which underlay the u b i q u i t o u s tendency for men to form a l l - m a l e power groups, from which females are excluded. H i s ideas seemed l i k e a modern- form of Freud's (1905/61) "anatomy i s d e s t i n y " idea and were p e r c e i v e d as a block to women's f u l l e q u a l i t y and personhood. The work of Lipman-Blumen (1976), Bernard (1976) and Smith-Rosenberg (1975) reframed the understanding of h o m o s o c i a l i t y , the l a t t e r two authors i n c o r p o r a t i n g an a p p r e c i a t i o n of women's homosoc i a l i t y . Lipman-Blumen (1976) formed a "homosocial theory of sex r o l e s " which p o s i t e d male homosocial t i e s as the b a s i s f o r sex s e g r e g a t i o n : The b a s i c premise of t h i s homosocial view of sex r o l e s suggests that men are a t t r a c t e d t o , s t i m u l a t e d by, and i n t e r e s t e d i n other men. I t i s a process that i s n o t i c e a b l e i n e a r l y c h i l d h o o d and i s channeled and encouraged by the e n t i r e range of s o c i a l i n s t i t u t i o n s w i t h i n which males l i v e . The s t r a t i f i c a t i o n system, which ranks i n d i v i d u a l s and groups in terms of t h e i r value to s o c i e t y , s y s t e m a t i c a l l y p l a c e s males i n more h i g h l y valued r o l e s than females. U n t i l very r e c e n t l y , the s t r a t i f i c a t i o n system l o c a t e d men in such a way that they had v i r t u a l l y t o t a l and e x c l u s i v e access to the e n t i r e range of resources a v a i l a b l e w i t h i n the s o c i e t y .... Warrior and hunter r o l e s p l a c e d men i n p o s i t i o n s of p r o t e c t i n g and a c q u i r i n g t e r r i t o r y and food ... fundamental resources i n any s o c i e t y . Men's p o s i t i o n s i n these r e s o u r c e - a c q u i r i n g and r e s o u r c e - p r o t e c t i n g r o l e s a l s o l e d to c e r t a i n dominance h i e r a r c h i e s that p e r s i s t e d long a f t e r technology had o b v i a t e d the need f o r such 18 d i f f e r e n t i a t i o n and s t r a t i f i c a t i o n of r o l e s .... T h i s uneven a r r a y of resources s y s t e m a t i c a l l y made men more i n t e r e s t i n g to women, women l e s s i n t e r e s t i n g and u s e f u l to other women, and women f a i r l y o f t e n unnecessary and/or burdensome to men. T h i s d i s p a r i t y of resources made i t apparent that men were the more valued s o c i a l beings. (pp. 16-18) Lipman-Blumen (1976) saw i n d i c a t i o n s of an emerging " n e w - g i r l " network, s i m i l a r to the male "old-boy" network, but h e l d that "the development of a homosocial world f o r women that reaches beyond the domestic sphere i s s t i l l i n i t s i n f a n c y " (p. 18). Thus, she s u b s t i t u t e d c u l t u r a l reinforcement, ( i . e . , the dominant and more s o c i a l l y valued r o l e s of males as c o n t r o l l e r s of resources i n p a t r i a r c h a l s o c i e t i e s ) , f o r T i g e r ' s (1970) concept of ge n e t i c p r e d i s p o s i t i o n to e x p l a i n the a t t r a c t i o n and t i e s that men have for and with each other, and for the negative valence of women f o r each other and for men. Rawlings and C a r t e r (1977) complemented Lipman-Blumen's (1976) ideas, by t h e i r a p p l i c a t i o n of A l l p o r t ' s (1955) m i n o r i t y group theory to women. In t h e i r e x p o s i t i o n of the types of ego defenses found i n women as v i c t i m s of d i s c r i m i n a t i o n , there are s e v e r a l which r e l a t e d i r e c t l y and n e g a t i v e l y to h o m o s o c i a l i t y i n women: d e n i a l of membership in own group ( p r e f e r r i n g the company of men), in-group a g g r e s s i o n (competitive with other women, b a c k b i t i n g and g o s s i p i n g , p u t t i n g down other women). Other ego defenses r e l a t e to the enhancement of the bonds between women: for example, s t r e n g t h e n i n g in-group t i e s ( c o n s c i o u s n e s s - r a i s i n g groups, support groups, campus and community women's c e n t e r s , f i n a n c i a l , p r o f e s s i o n a l and s e l f - h e l p c o l l e c t i v e s , c o - o p e r a t i v e p o l i t i c a l a c t i o n ) . 19 Bernard's theory of h o m o s o c i a l i t y focused on sex d i f f e r e n c e s i n s o c i a l i t y , ( i . e . , the d i f f e r e n t ways that women and men r e l a t e to other persons of t h e i r own sex) . She s a i d that "the female way of being s o c i a l - - i n v o l v i n g bonds, a f f i l i a t i o n , a t t a c h m e n t — r e n d e r s women, because of t h e i r learned as w e l l as a c t u a l h e l p l e s s n e s s , more v u l n e r a b l e to the s t r e s s e s of d e p r i v a t i o n of such t i e s , and hence to d e p r e s s i o n " (1976, p. 228). She drew on Smith-Rosenberg's (1975) evidence of a powerful and s u s t a i n i n g female s o c i a l world in the nineteenth century, which "bound women together in p h y s i c a l and emotional intimacy" (p. 24), and which centered around the r i t u a l s of b i r t h , c o u r t s h i p , marriage, s i c k n e s s , sorrow, t r o u b l e , with the powerful e f f e c t of the l e g i t i m i z i n g of s i s t e r , mother-daughter, and female f r i e n d s h i p bonds. Caplan's (1981) work focused on the e f f e c t of p a t r i a r c h a l d e v a l u a t i o n of women and the c o n s t r i c t i o n of women's a c t i v i t i e s / r o l e s / l i v e s which r e s u l t i n b a r r i e r s between women. Caplan c i t e d the f o l l o w i n g f a c t o r s as b a r r i e r s between women: overemphasis on nurturance, d e v a l u a t i o n of females, c o n s t r a i n t s p l a c e d on g i r l s , and f e a r s of homosexuality. In c o n t r a s t , M i l l e r (1976) saw women's a f f i l i a t i v e c a p a c i t i e s as primary s t r e n g t h s . She saw a f f i l i a t i o n as c o n s i s t e n t with a r e d e f i n e d , enhanced and enlarged conception of autonomy. She p o s i t e d that autonomy and a f f i l i a t i o n have been d e f i n e d i n c o n t r a s t to each other only because the former i s a term d e r i v e d from male experience, with masculine emphasis on independence and co m p e t i t i o n . M i l l e r maintained that women w i l l 20 d e f i n e a u t o n o m y - i n - r e l a t i o n s h i p as interdependence rather than independence. However, M i l l e r ' s (1976) theory i s a b s t r a c t and, although she o f f e r s a few case examples, she does not provide any d e s c r i p t i o n of the nature of these bonds. T h i s p o i n t s to the need fo r c l a r i f i c a t i o n and e l a b o r a t i o n of t h e i r nature, a need to which the present study responds by examining how homosocial bonds impact on women's s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . . C. THEORY AND RESEARCH ON THE DIMENSIONS OF RELATIONSHIPS Research on the dimensions of two types of r e l a t i o n s h i p s i s r e l e v a n t to the present study: t h e r a p e u t i c r e l a t i o n s h i p s and s o c i a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s . Therapeutic or c o u n s e l l i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s are s i m i l a r to r e l a t i o n s h i p s that f a c i l i t a t e s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n in that both are concerned with the personal development of the i n d i v i d u a l whose process i s t h e i r focus. Rogers (1961) d e s c r i b e d that process as c o n s i s t i n g of the i n d i v i d u a l "moving toward being, knowingly and a c c e p t i n g l y , the process which he inwardly and a c t u a l l y i s " (p. 175). He i d e n t i f i e d three c r i t i c a l f a c t o r s i n t h e r a p e u t i c r e l a t i o n s h i p s : u n c o n d i t i o n a l p o s i t i v e regard, congruence, and empathy. R e l a t i o n s h i p s that f a c i l i t a t e s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n are more s p e c i f i c i n t h e i r focus than are t h e r a p e u t i c r e l a t i o n s h i p s which address themselves to problem-solving and coping, with s e l f -a c t u a l i z i n g being an u n d e r l y i n g theme. However Rogers' (1951) model p r o v i d e s a b a s i s f o r comparison in the present study of how the two types of r e l a t i o n s h i p s accomplish t h e i r s i m i l a r g o a l s . 21 The dimensions of s o c i a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s have been the focus of numerous s t u d i e s (Frum, 1979; Gibbs, Auerbach, & Fox, 1980; Knapp & Harwood, 1977; Knapp & Makosky, 1983; La Gaipa, 1977; Pearson, 1982; Rubin, 1973; Weiss, 1973; Wong, 1981; Wright, 1969). La Gaipa's (1977) dimensions have been p a r t i c u l a r l y c a r e f u l l y developed. He used content a n a l y s i s of 1800 f r i e n d s h i p statements to c o n s t r u c t a q u e s t i o n n a i r e that he then used to i d e n t i f y e i g h t major f a c t o r s : S e l f - D i s c l o s u r e , A u t h e n t i c i t y , Helping Behaviour, Acceptance, P o s i t i v e Regard, Strength of Character, S i m i l a r i t y , and Empathic Understanding. Pearson (1982) focused on the dimensions of s o c i a l support. In order to provide a c l e a r e r understanding of these dimensions in i n d i v i d u a l s ' d a i l y l i v e s , he i d e n t i f i e d t h i r t e e n c a t e g o r i e s based on 33 s u b j e c t s ' 329 support d e s c r i p t i o n s : Example, Encouragement, Acceptance, Comfort, Admiration, Love, Guidance, Help, Knowledge, Honesty, Intimacy, Companionship and S a t i s f a c t i o n . Wright (1969), in h i s same-sex F r i e n d s h i p Model, i d e n t i f i e d those f a c t o r s that operate d i r e c t l y to make the r e l a t i o n s h i p worth forming and m a i n t a i n i n g : S t i m u l a t i o n Value (which r e f e r s to the degree to which one person (the subject) sees another as i n t e r e s t i n g and ima g i n a t i v e , capable of i n t r o d u c i n g the subject to new ideas and a c t i v i t i e s , and capable of l e a d i n g her i n t o an expansion and e l a b o r a t i o n of her present knowledge and outlook; U t i l i t y Value (which r e f e r s t o the degree to which the subject sees another person as c o o p e r a t i v e , h e l p f u l , and, i n ge n e r a l , 22 w i l l i n g to use her time and resources to help the sub j e c t meet her own pe r s o n a l goals and needs; and Ego Support Value (which r e f e r s to the degree to which the subject sees another person as encouraging, s u p p o r t i v e , nonthreatening, and, i n g e n e r a l , capable of h e l p i n g the sub j e c t f e e l more comfortable and maintain an impression of h e r s e l f as a competent, worthwhile person). He a l s o i d e n t i f e d V oluntary Interdependence as the c r i t e r i o n of f r i e n d s h i p , ( i . e . , the degree to which the plans, a c t i v i t i e s and d e c i s i o n s of one of the f r i e n d s are contingent upon' those of the other when both members of the p a i r are f r e e to e x e r c i s e a c e r t a i n amount of c h o i c e ) . Wright's more d e s c r i p t i v e and comprehensive f a c t o r s provide a c l e a r b a s i s f o r comparison with the dimensions i d e n t i f i e d in the present study. These v a r i o u s models of r e l a t i o n s h i p s , then, provide a b a s i s for comparison with and v a l i d a t i o n of the dimensions of r e l a t i o n s h i p s that f a c i l i t a t e women's development toward s e l f -a c t u a l i z a t i o n . D. THE RELEVANCE OF THE CONCEPT OF ROLE MODELING One of the obvious ways i n which women's development i s f a c i l i t a t e d by other women i s by the p r o v i s i o n of examples or models. The concept of r o l e models i s c u r r e n t l y r e c e i v i n g much resear c h and popular a t t e n t i o n . According to Sp e i z e r (1981) , who has reviewed the l i t e r a t u r e in t h i s f i e l d , the r a t i o n a l e f o r the importance a t t r i b u t e d to r o l e models appears to be based on developmental t h e o r i e s of i d e n t i f i c a t i o n and modeling i n chil d h o o d , s p e c i f i c a l l y s o c i a l l e a r n i n g theory (Bandura, 1969) and c o g n i t i v e development theory (Kohlberg, 1969). 23 Kemper (1968) d e s c r i b e d a r o l e model as a person who "possesses s k i l l s and d i s p l a y s techniques which the a c t o r l a c k s ... and from whom, by o b s e r v a t i o n and comparison with h i s own performance, the actor can l e a r n " (p. 33). Relevant theory from t h i s f i e l d f o r the present study of r e l a t i o n s h i p s that f a c i l i t a t e s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n has been proposed by Bucher and S t e l l i n g (1977). They i n s t r u c t e d a group of p s y c h i a t r y , medicine and b i o c h e m i s t r y t r a i n e e s to i d e n t i f y t h e i r r o l e models throughout the course of a year. They found that the t r a i n e e s c o n s t r u c t e d a model f o r themselves based on t h e i r o b s e r v a t i o n s of p o s i t i v e and negative aspects of those who t r a i n e d them. T h i s idea that people c o n s t r u c t t h e i r own r o l e models based on a v a r i e t y of people i s c o n s i s t e n t with the concept of r e l a t i o n s h i p s f a c i l i t a t i n g s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . I t i m p l i e s that the model's r o l e i s not simply i m i t a t e d , but i s u t i l i z e d c r e a t i v e l y by the observer in the ongoing r e c o n s t r u c t i o n of her own experience of h e r s e l f . Egan (1975) has s t r e s s e d the importance of s o c i a l i n f l u e n c e in t h e r a p e u t i c r e l a t i o n s h i p s . He i d e n t i f i e s the b a s i s f o r t h i s form of f a c i l i t a t i o n i n the a t t r a c t i v e n e s s , t r u s t w o r t h i n e s s , and competence of the h e l p e r . T h i s emphasis p a r a l l e l s the a t t e n t i o n that has been given to the concept of r o l e models and a p p l i e s i t to c o u n s e l l i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s , which are s i m i l a r i n t h e i r i n t e n t to r e l a t i o n s h i p s that f a c i l i t a t e s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . S p e i z e r (1981) concluded that there i s very l i t t l e s u p p ortive evidence fo r the v a l i d i t y of the concept of r o l e models. R e f l e c t i n g on the reason f o r the broad appeal of the 24 concept, she supposed that "perhaps f o r those who are s t r i v i n g to succeed i n an environment where they are 'other', the i n g r e d i e n t needed to a l l e v i a t e the pr e s s u r e s of l o n e l i n e s s and tokenism i s the prescence of a s u f f i c i e n t number of people l i k e themselves" (p. 712). She seems to be suggesting here that the un d e r l y i n g reason f o r the i d e n t i f i c a t i o n of the need f o r r o l e models i s women's p u l l towards a f f i l i a t i o n with others with whom they can i d e n t i f y as they s t r i v e to succeed i n new undertakings and new environments. T h i s e x p l a n a t i o n seems c o n s i s t e n t with M i l l e r ' s (1976) theory and with the focus of the present study, ( i . e . , that women look to r e l a t i o n s h i p s as t h e i r means of s e l f -a c t u a l i z i n g ) . E. THEORETICAL AND RESEARCH BASIS FOR THE METHODOLOGY 1. JUSTIFICATION FOR THE CHOICE OF APPROACH One of the c o n c l u s i o n s that i s drawn from the review of l i t e r a t u r e i n the pre v i o u s s e c t i o n s i s that the relevance of homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s to women's s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n has not yet been s p e c i f i c a l l y examined. Moreover, the two c o n s t r u c t s whose r e l a t i o n s h i p i s being considered—women's s e l f -a c t u a l i z a t i o n and h o m o s o c i a l i t y — a r e only beginning to be d e f i n e d . M i l l e r ' s (1976) t h e o r e t i c a l work on women's s e l f -a c t u a l i z a t i o n has broken new ground i n i d e n t i f y i n g and d e s c r i b i n g a d i s t i n c t and d i f f e r e n t developmental route f o r women. She has presented i t i n c o n j u n c t i o n with an e x h o r t a t i o n in the foreword to her book f o r others to r e s e a r c h and ev a l u a t e . 25 A great deal of work remains to be done to p r o p e r l y d e f i n e h o m o s o c i a l i t y as w e l l . Present f o r m u l a t i o n s are broad and vague, s i n c e t h i s i s the f i r s t stage of understanding and d e l i n e a t i o n of the concept (Woolsey, 1984). There f o r e i t i s a p p r o p r i a t e that examination of the r e l a t i o n s h i p between these two c o n s t r u c t s be approached i n i t i a l l y i n an e x p l o r a t o r y manner. Research at t h i s stage, as in the c u r r e n t study, i s intended to have h e u r i s t i c v a l u e . I t i s intended to generate evidence f o r the e l a b o r a t i o n and refinement of theory. P r e l i m i n a r y work of t h i s s o r t must be d e s c r i p t i v e and q u a l i t a t i v e . T h e r e f o r e , s t a t i s t i c a l hypotheses t e s t i n g i s not a p p r o p r i a t e at t h i s e x p l o r a t o r y stage. On t h i s b a s i s , the c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t technique (Flanagan, 1954) was s e l e c t e d as the most a p p r o p r i a t e method for generating d e s c r i p t i v e data i n t h i s unexamined area. 2. THE CRITICAL INCIDENT TECHNIQUE The c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t technique c o n s i s t s of g a t h e r i n g a s e r i e s of s p e c i f i c i n c i d e n t s in the form of observed behaviours or events that f a c i l i t a t e d or hindered the attainment of a p a r t i c u l a r aim or goal from people i n an a p p r o p r i a t e p o s i t i o n to make such o b s e r v a t i o n s . The data, or i n c i d e n t s , are then subjected to an i n d u c t i v e c a t e g o r i z a t i o n process i n order to enhance t h e i r meaningfulness. Flanagan (1954) o r i g i n a l l y developed the technique during e a r l y a v i a t i o n s t u d i e s i n the U n i t e d S t a t e s A i r Force f o r the purpose of s e l e c t i n g and t r a i n i n g p i l o t s and combat l e a d e r s d u r i n g World War I I . The c a t e g o r i e s produced a i d e d i n the 26 fo r m u l a t i o n of the c r i t i c a l requirements of the work of these p e r s o n n e l . More r e c e n t l y , Flanagan (1978) has conducted a major resea r c h e f f o r t , i n c o n j u n c t i o n with the American I n s t i t u t e f o r Research, toward improving the q u a l i t y of l i f e of Americans. Over 6500 i n c i d e n t s were recorded from a l a r g e and v a r i e d sample in an attempt to d e f i n e the c r i t i c a l requirements of a person's q u a l i t y of l i f e . These i n c i d e n t s were s o r t e d i n t o 15 basi c c a t e g o r i e s f a l l i n g under three g e n e r a l headings. They were subsequently r a t e d on t h e i r importance to s u b j e c t s ' q u a l i t y of l i f e and assessed as to "needs met" s a t i s f a c t o r i l y . Flanagan found that s u b j e c t s ' r e c a l l e d events provided a r i c h and u s e f u l source of i n f o r m a t i o n e s s e n t i a l to the purposes of the study. Other recent a p p l i c a t i o n s of the technique i n c l u d e that of Cohen and Smith (1976) who used i t to study ongoing group pr o c e s s e s . They suggested that at one or more p o i n t s d u r i n g the i n t e r a c t i o n s of group members, c r i t i c a l s i t u a t i o n s or i n c i d e n t s a r i s e where the group leader must choose an a p p r o p r i a t e response. The authors found that c e r t a i n common c r i t i c a l s i t u a t i o n s emerged r e g a r d l e s s of the group's o r i e n t a t i o n . The c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t technique was used as a way of a r r a n g i n g data in sequence, from the events l e a d i n g up to a c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t , ( i . e . , the p o s s i b l e c h o i c e s f o r a c t i o n of the group l e a d e r ) , to those events that r e s u l t e d from the p o s s i b l e group leader i n t e r v e n t i o n s . Using the c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t technique, Dachelot, Wemett, G a r l i n g , Craig-Kuhn, Kent, and Kitzman (1981) examined the 27 c o n d i t i o n s which f a c i l i t a t e d the c l i n i c a l t r a i n i n g of nurses. C r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t data was c o l l e c t e d from three groups and then c l a s s i f i e d i n t o 18 b a s i c c a t e g o r i e s with three general headings. These c a t e g o r i e s p r o v i d e d a broad p i c t u r e of a c t i v i t i e s which occurred i n the c l i n i c a l s e t t i n g s and of ways i n which these a c t i v i t i e s were p e r c e i v e d by both students and educators. S i m i l a r l y , Rimon (1979) examined nurses' p e r c e p t i o n s of c r i t i c a l a s pects of t h e i r r o l e i n p r o v i d i n g f o r the p s y c h o l o g i c a l and p h y s i c a l care of p a t i e n t s in h o s p i t a l . Researchers in c o g n i t i v e psychology (Weiner, R u s s e l l , & Lerman; 1979) c o l l e c t e d c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t s i n a study of the l i n k a g e s between c o g n i t i o n s and emotions i n achievement- r e l a t e d c o n t e x t s . The c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t technique, then, has provided a u s e f u l methodology f o r p s y c h o l o g i c a l s t u d i e s , n e a r l y 30 years a f t e r i t s i n i t i a l i n t r o d u c t i o n by Flanagan. Another reason f o r choosing the c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t technique, i n a d d i t i o n to i t s s u i t a b i l i t y f o r e x p l o r i n g an uncharted domain and producing d e s c r i p t i v e i n f o r m a t i o n about that domain, i s that i t i s a phenomenological or e x p e r i e n t i a l r esearch approach. I t assumes the importance of understanding p e r c e i v e d , r a t h e r than o b j e c t i v e r e a l i t y as the b a s i s f o r human behaviour ( C o l a i z z i , 1978). T h i s o r i e n t a t i o n i s p a r t i c u l a r l y a p p r o p r i a t e to the study of c o n s t r u c t s as s u b j e c t i v e and d i f f i c u l t to observe and measure at t h i s p o i n t as are women's s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n and h o m o s o c i a l i t y . By e l i c i t i n g c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t s , t h i s technique accesses women's experiences of 28 homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s and s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n , r a t h e r than i n f o r m a t i o n based on t h e i r t h e o r e t i c a l or o b j e c t i v e knowledge of these c o n s t r u c t s . I t seems prudent to r e l y on e x p e r i e n t i a l data in the i n i t i a l c h a r t i n g of t h i s unexplored domain. The c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t technique, then, i s employed in t h i s study to uncover suggestive evidence or trends i n an emerging area of r e s e a r c h i n t e r e s t that has not as yet been t h e o r e t i c a l l y d e l i n e a t e d . 3. RELIABILITY AND VALIDITY OF THE TECHNIQUE The accepted method of checking the r e l i a b i l i t y of a c a t e g o r i z a t i o n scheme d e r i v e d with the c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t technique i s to submit the i n c i d e n t s and c a t e g o r i e s to one or more independent r a t e r s (Flanagan, 1954). The r a t e r i s t r a i n e d in the method of c a t e g o r i z a t i o n that was used by the r e s e a r c h e r and i s i n s t r u c t e d to s o r t the i n c i d e n t s i n t o the c a t e g o r i e s p r o v i d e d . I f the c a t e g o r i e s are well-formed and the r a t e r adequately t r a i n e d , a good degree of agreement, ( i . e . , a r e l i a b i l i t y c o e f f i c i e n t of .75 or more), can be expected to occur between the r a t e r ' s s o r t and the o r i g i n a l s o r t from which the c a t e g o r i e s were d e r i v e d . In order to provide content v a l i d i t y , ( i . e . , coverage of the domain), Flanagan (1954) s t a t e d that c o l l e c t i o n of i n t e r v i e w data should proceed u n t i l the r e l e v a n t domain of c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t s appears to be covered, and he suggested from h i s r e s e a r c h experience that redundancy o f t e n occurs a f t e r c o l l e c t i n g data on approximately 100 i n c i d e n t s . C o n s t r u c t v a l i d i t y of the c a t e g o r i e s obtained through the 29 c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t technique i s p a r t l y assumed by the f a c t that many i n d i v i d u a l s have rep o r t e d upon an experience independently. In t h i s way, a v a r i e t y of o b s e r v a t i o n s are obt a i n e d and i n d i v i d u a l b i a s e s are e l i m i n a t e d (Flanagan, 1954). Another c o n s t r u c t v a l i d i t y check i s the comparison of the data with the r e l e v a n t l i t e r a t u r e . Reported f i n d i n g s r egarding s i m i l a r phenomena should be compared with the c a t e g o r i e s obtained and d i s c r e p a n c i e s between them should be analyzed and ex p l a i n e d . The c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t technique has been researched with respect to r e l i a b i l i t y and v a l i d i t y by Andersson and N i l s s o n (1964). A p r e s e n t a t i o n of t h e i r f i n d i n g s f o l l o w s . They began by a n a l y z i n g the job of s t o r e manager i n a Swedish grocery company, c o l l e c t i n g approximately 1 8 0 0 i n c i d e n t s from four groups of people c o n s i d e r e d to be in a good p o s i t i o n to make o b s e r v a t i o n s : s u p e r v i s o r s , s t o r e managers, a s s i s t a n t s , and customers. Approximately t w o - t h i r d s of the i n c i d e n t s were p o s i t i v e , ( i . e . , r e f e r r e d to u n i t s of s u c c e s s f u l b e h a v i o u r ) , and the remaining o n e - t h i r d were n e g a t i v e . The i n c i d e n t s were c l a s s i f i e d i n t o a t h r e e - l e v e l taxonomy with three s u p e r o r d i n a t e headings or areas, 17 basic c a t e g o r i e s , and 86 subordinate c a t e g o r i e s . The r e s e a r c h e r s subjected the data to s e v e r a l r e l i a b i l i t y and v a l i d i t y checks. T h e i r f i r s t check r e f e r r e d to the s a t u r a t i o n and comprehensiveness of the data: When have enough i n c i d e n t s been c o l l e c t e d to exhaust the un i v e r s e of behaviour that the technique i s expected to cover? They found that the 30 number of s u b c a t e g o r i e s formed very q u i c k l y d u r i n g the beginning of c l a s s i f y i n g the i n c i d e n t s , with l a t e r i n c i d e n t s tending to f a l l w i t h i n e x i s t i n g c a t e g o r i e s . By the time two-thirds of the i n c i d e n t s had been c l a s s i f i e d , 95% of the 86 c a t e g o r i e s had been e s t a b l i s h e d . In t h i s way, the r e s e a r c h e r s determined that a s u f f i c i e n t q u a n t i t y of i n c i d e n t s had been c o l l e c t e d . Andersson and N i l s s o n (.1964) t e s t e d the r e l i a b i l i t y of t h e i r c a t e g o r i z a t i o n system by submitting random samples of i n c i d e n t s to independent r a t e r s , with s u b c a t e g o r i e s p r o v i d e d . There were 61% to 68% l e v e l s of agreement found among r a t e r s , and between r a t e r s and the c r i t e r i o n . Thus the submission of data to independent r a t e r s was taken by the r e s e a r c h e r s to c o n f i r m the o b j e c t i v i t y and l a c k of b i a s in the c a t e g o r i z a t i o n p r o c e s s . A content a n a l y s i s of the t r a i n i n g l i t e r a t u r e f o r s t o r e managers was conducted to answer the q u e s t i o n : Has the c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t technique succeeded i n i n c l u d i n g a l l c r i t i c a l aspects of t h i s a c t i v i t y ? T h i s i s a q u e s t i o n of v a l i d i t y . Good agreement was found between the data and the l i t e r a t u r e i n that both d e s c r i b e d s i m i l a r a c t i v i t i e s f o r s t o r e managers. A r e l a t e d q u e s t i o n was a l s o posed: Are the i n c i d e n t s r e p r e s e n t a t i v e of behaviours that are t r u l y important or c r i t i c a l f o r the work at hand? The c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t technique c o u l d be c h a l l e n g e d on the grounds that i t gathers extreme, dramatic, or unique i n c i d e n t s that are of l i t t l e p r a c t i c a l importance, or are an incomplete d e s c r i p t i o n of the a c t i v i t y . In a d d r e s s i n g t h i s c e n t r a l q u e s t i o n , the r e s e a r c h e r s submitted 31 t h e i r data to 300 people comprising four r a t i n g groups. The 86 c a t e g o r i e s were r a t e d on a s i x - p o i n t s c a l e from 0 (unimportant) to 5 (of the g r e a t e s t importance f o r a s t o r e manager's work). It was found that only f i v e of the 86 c a t e g o r i e s were r a t e d as unimportant by a l l four r a t i n g groups. An a d d i t i o n a l f i n d i n g was that s u b c a t e g o r i e s with few i n c i d e n t s were a l s o rated as important by the four groups. It appears, t h e r e f o r e , that frequency i s not a measure of the c r i t i c a l nature of a behaviour. In summary, Andersson and N i l s s o n (1964) subjected t h e i r data to v a r i o u s checks and found r e s u l t s which support the r e l i a b i l i t y and v a l i d i t y of the c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t technique. They concluded that the m a t e r i a l c o l l e c t e d seems to represent very w e l l the behaviour u n i t s that the method may be expected to p r o v i d e . 4. APPROACH TO CATEGORIZATION The data c o l l e c t e d with the c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t technique are s u b j e c t e d to an i n d u c t i v e c a t e g o r i z a t i o n process in order to enhance t h e i r meaningfulness. Modern category formation theory p r o v i d e s g u i d e l i n e s f o r f o r m u l a t i n g c a t e g o r i e s from a set of c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t s . Flanagan (1954) found that the c o l l e c t i o n of a l a r g e sample of i n c i d e n t s i n i t s e l f provided a f u n c t i o n a l d e s c r i p t i o n of the phenomenon being i n v e s t i g a t e d . Flanagan wrote that f u r t h e r data a n a l y s i s i s c a r r i e d out, however, i n order t o : summarize and d e s c r i b e data i n an e f f i c i e n t manner ... making i t e a s i e r to r e p o r t these requirements, to draw i n f e r e n c e s from them, and to compare them with 32 other a c t i v i t i e s . (p. 344) F i r s t , a r e l a t i v e l y small sample of i n c i d e n t s are s o r t e d i n t o p i l e s or headings that are r e l a t e d to the frame of r e f e r e n c e , (e.g., i n t h i s study, i n c i d e n t s i n r e l a t i o n s h i p s with women that f a c i l i t a t e d or hindered s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n ) . B r i e f d e f i n i t i o n s are made of these t e n t a t i v e p i l e s or c a t e g o r i e s . Then, new i n c i d e n t s are added to them with c a t e g o r i e s being r e d e f i n e d and formulated as needed. T h i s process c o n t i n u e s u n t i l a l l the i n c i d e n t s have been p l a c e d i n c a t e g o r i e s . Thusly, c a t e g o r i e s a r i s e through an i n d u c t i v e process from the i n c i d e n t s themselves, with nothing l o s t and nothing added. D i f f i c u l t d e c i s i o n s a r i s e , of course, d u r i n g the c a t e g o r i z a t i o n p r o c e s s . T r a d i t i o n a l category formation theory holds that category membership i s an a l l - o r - n o n e phenomenon such that a l l members of a category possess an equal number of c r i t i c a l or d e f i n i n g f e a t u r e s . In t h i s view, a l l members of a category are e q u a l l y good examples of that category. In everyday l i f e , however, those c r i t e r i a are seldom, i f ever, met. W i t t g e n s t e i n (1953) argued that a set of o b j e c t s would show a p a t t e r n of o v e r l a p p i n g s i m i l a r i t i e s or " f a m i l y resemblances", r a t h e r than one set of f e a t u r e s shared by a l l o b j e c t s . T h i s viewpoint suggests a continuum of category membership, l e a d i n g to the n o t i o n of "fuzzy s e t s " (McCloskey & Glucksberg, 1978; Rosch, 1975; Rosch & Mervis, 1975). Objects that are h i g h l y t y p i c a l of a category, (e.g., a s a i l b o a t ) , possess a higher degree of s a l i e n c e or category membership i n the l a r g e r f a m i l y , (e.g., b o a t s ) , than do l e s s t y p i c a l o b j e c t s , (e.g., a 33 s u r f b o a r d ) . Furthermore, there i s no c l e a r boundary between c a t e g o r i e s so that some of the f u z z i e s t o b j e c t s can be category members and non-members at the same time. B u i l d i n g upon the notion of fuzzy s e t s , Rosch (1975) found that n a t u r a l c a t e g o r i e s are formed around a c l e a r case or best example of a category, which she r e f e r r e d to as a "prototype". Non-prototypic members are judged a g a i n s t the prototype to determine whether they are b e t t e r or poorer p o i n t s . Rosch wrote t h a t : the more p r o t o t y p i c a l a category member, the more a t t r i b u t e s i t has i n common with other members of the category and the l e s s a t t r i b u t e s in common with c o n t r a s t i n g c a t e g o r i e s . (p. 602) Cantor and M i s c h e l (1979) and Cantor, M i s c h e l and Schwartz (1982) extended the concepts put forward by Rosch (1975) i n t o the area of prototypes i n person and s i t u a t i o n p e r c e p t i o n . They found that the r u l e s we use f o r c a t e g o r i z i n g people, (e.g., e x t r a v e r t s as d i s t i n g u i s h e d from i n t r o v e r t s ) , and s o c i a l or p s y c h o l o g i c a l s i t u a t i o n s , (e.g., "being on a date", as d i s t i n g u i s h e d from "being i n a c l a s s " ) , are a l s o p r o t o t y p i c a l i t y judgments, s i m i l a r to those r u l e s we use f o r d i s t i n g u i s h i n g o b j e c t s , (e.g., c a r s from t r u c k s ) . In a d d i t i o n , Cantor and M i s c h e l (1979) and Rosch (1975) have made u s e f u l d i s t i n c t i o n s r e g a r d i n g the l e v e l of a b s t r a c t i o n used i n category formation. Recognizing that o b j e c t s can be c a t e g o r i z e d at v a r y i n g l e v e l s of i n c l u s i v e n e s s , Rosch i d e n t i f i e d a " b a s i c " or middle category l e v e l as the optimal one f o r most c a t e g o r i z a t i o n t a s k s . The b a s i c l e v e l has a moderate degree of 34 i n c l u s i v e n e s s . C a t e g o r i e s at t h i s l e v e l , t h e r e f o r e , are both r i c h i n d e t a i l and yet w e l l d i f f e r e n t i a t e d from one another. At the most a b s t r a c t i n c l u s i v e l e v e l , termed "s u p e r o r d i n a t e " , c a t e g o r i e s are w e l l d i f f e r e n t i a t e d from one another, but r i c h n e s s of d e t a i l i s l o s t . In other words, c a t e g o r i e s c o n t a i n such a mixture of d i f f e r e n t members that i t i s d i f f i c u l t to p r e d i c t what a t t r i b u t e s a t y p i c a l category member might possess. On the other hand, c a t e g o r i e s at the l e s s i n c l u s i v e ' l e v e l , termed "subordinate", ( i . e . , s u b c a t e g o r i e s ) , r e q u i r e many f i n e d i s c r i m i n a t i o n s to be made in order to d i s t i n g u i s h one from the other. Here we f i n d tremendous r i c h n e s s of d e t a i l , but d i f f e r e n t i a t i o n among c a t e g o r i e s i s l a c k i n g and o v e r l a p i s g r e a t e s t . An example of the superor d i n a t e l e v e l would be f u r n i t u r e , the b a s i c l e v e l would be c h a i r , and the subordinate l e v e l would be d i n i n g room c h a i r . For Rosch (1975), the optimum l e v e l of c a t e g o r i z a t i o n f o r an e f f e c t i v e p r e s e n t a t i o n of data i s the ba s i c l e v e l . Notions of fuzzy s e t s , p r o t o t y p i c a l i t y , and l e v e l s of i n c l u s i v e n e s s are o f f e r e d to the reader as an attempt to e x p l a i n the processes that the researc h e r c o n s i d e r s while c a t e g o r i z i n g a set of c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t s . C o g n i t i v e p s y c h o l o g i c a l r e s e a r c h i n t o category formation i n d i c a t e s that the c a t e g o r i z a t i o n process i s not merely s u b j e c t i v e or haphazard. I t i s assumed that a set of c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t s c o n t a i n i n c i d e n t s that form a continuum of category membership ranging from p r o t o t y p i c a l i n c i d e n t s e a s i l y c a t e g o r i z e d by independent r a t e r s to fuzzy i n c i d e n t s which possess a t t r i b u t e s of more than one category, 35 and hence, produce l e s s agreement among independent r a t e r s . Flanagan (1954, 1978) and most r e l a t i o n s h i p s t u d i e s (La Gaipa,l977 ; Pearson, 1982; Wright, 1969) have c a t e g o r i z e d at the superordinate l e v e l . In the present study, t h i s approach has been p a r t i a l l y m o d i f i e d as d e s c r i b e d i n Chapter I I I . F. EXPERIENTIAL CONTEXT OF THE STUDY In phenomenologically d e s c r i p t i v e r e s e a r c h , c l a r i f i c a t i o n of the re s e a r c h e r ' s own p e r s p e c t i v e s , experiences and u n d e r l y i n g assumptions i s seen as an important step toward o b j e c t i v i t y ( C o l a i z z i , 1978). To t h i s end, t h i s researcher provides the reader with the f o l l o w i n g framework f o r a s s e s s i n g her p r e s u p p o s i t i o n s . I was prompted in the e a r l y 1970's by the w r i t i n g s of de Beauvoir (1953), F r i e d a n (1963), and Greer (1971), and by p a r t i c i p a t i n g i n a c o n s c i o u s n e s s - r a i s i n g group, to quest i o n my r o l e assumptions and to begin the work of becoming aware of and expr e s s i n g my r e a l s e l f . In r e t r o s p e c t , some of the key f a c i l i t a t i v e e xperiences i n the progress of t h i s work to date have been the r e l a t i o n s h i p s I formed with c e r t a i n women. I experienced r e l a t i o n s h i p s with women as a l i f e l i n e that guided me from r i g i d adherence to t r a d i t i o n a l norms and und e r l y i n g f r a g i l i t y and c o n f u s i o n to p r o g r e s s i v e l y greater l e v e l s of comprehension and c o n v i c t i o n concerning what I b e l i e v e , what I want, and (what i s most d i f f i c u l t to grasp) who I am. At the same time, I was very c o n s c i o u s , at c e r t a i n p o i n t s , of my fear of being e n g u l f e d and of l o s i n g my p r e c a r i o u s sense of my separate c e n t e r . 36 I n t h e c o u r s e o f c o n d u c t i n g t h i s s t u d y , I have r e c a l l e d some o f t h e s e r e l a t i o n s h i p s a n d come t o a p p r e c i a t e them a s s e l f -a c t u a l i z i n g , t h e outcome o f b e i n g v u l n e r a b l e a n d e x p e r i e n c i n g my c o n n e c t e d n e s s w i t h o t h e r women. 37 I I I . DESCRIPTION OF RESEARCH DESIGN A. SUBJECTS The r e s e a r c h was conducted with a group of care e r women advanced i n t h e i r development toward s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . The po p u l a t i o n s e l e c t e d was female members of the B r i t i s h Columbia P s y c h o l o g i c a l A s s o c i a t i o n . The membership requirement of the A s s o c i a t i o n i s a master's or d o c t o r a l degree with primary emphasis i n psychology. T h i s p o p u l a t i o n was s e l e c t e d because these women's achievements in ca r e e r that demand high l e v e l s of person a l development suggest that they would be s e l f - a c t u a l i z e d to some degree. To inc r e a s e the p r o b a b i l i t y of t h e i r being s e l f - a c t u a l i z e d , p o t e n t i a l s u b j e c t s who had i n d i c a t e d that c o u n s e l l i n g was t h e i r area of p r a c t i c e were s e l e c t e d from the A s s o c i a t i o n d i r e c t o r y . These women were approached by l e t t e r (Appendix A) and asked to s e l f - s e l e c t on the b a s i s of being 35 years of age or o l d e r . Th i s age c r i t e r i o n was set because Maslow (1954) has observed that s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n i s u s u a l l y achieved by mature i n d i v i d u a l s i n middle or l a t e r l i f e . The women who met the c r i t e r i o n and expressed an i n t e r e s t in p a r t i c i p a t i n g i n the study were then sent the Personal O r i e n t a t i o n Inventory (Shostrom, 1963) by mail and asked to complete i t and re t u r n the answer sheet. P o t e n t i a l s u b j e c t s were thereby f u r t h e r screened using an o b j e c t i v e measure of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . Because the c o n s t r u c t of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n i s complex and 38 remote from everyday experience, there has been c o n t r o v e r s y regarding the f e a s i b i l i t y of measuring i t with a t e s t . The POI has however been used in thousands of s t u d i e s and has become the standard instrument. The two major s c a l e s of the POI - Inner D i r e c t e d (127 items) and Time Competence (23 items) - were combined to provide an o v e r a l l measure of s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g p o t e n t i a l (Damm, 1969). A l l o t t i n g one point f o r each item, Shostrom (1966) c l a s s i f i e d raw scores i n t o the f o l l o w i n g c a t e g o r i e s : l e s s than 102 - n o n - s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g from 102 to 113 - normal more than 113 - s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g Thus the women who scored 114 or more were then q u a l i f i e d as s u b j e c t s . Many s t u d i e s have supported the v a l i d i t y of the POI as a measure of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . High and low s c o r e r s d i f f e r s i g n i f i c a n t l y on a number of other t e s t v a r i a b l e s such as some of the Edwards Personal P r e f e r e n c e Schedule s c a l e s (Grossack, Armstrong & L u s s i e r , 1966; Lemay & Damm, 1969), the Ne u r o t i c s c a l e of the Eysenck P e r s o n a l i t y Inventory (Knapp, 1965) and the Rotter I n t e r n a l - E x t e r n a l C o n t r o l Scale (Wall, 1970). As f u r t h e r evidence of c r i t e r i o n - r e l a t e d v a l i d i t y , C u l b e r t , C l a r k and Bobele (1968) found that s e n s i t i v i t y t r a i n i n g r e s u l t e d i n improved POI t e s t scores. T e s t - r e t e s t r e l i a b i l i t y c o e f f i c i e n t s of the major s c a l e s were found to be .77 and .71 by K l a v e t t e r and Morgan (1968). However s o c i a l d e s i r e a b i l i t y response s e t s do a f f e c t 39 r e s u l t s on s e l f - r e p o r t i n v e n t o r i e s and Braun (1966) found that the POI i s "fakeable" by s u b j e c t s schooled i n concepts of s e l f -a c t u a l i z a t i o n (which, of course, the s u b j e c t s i n t h i s study have been). In summary the POI was employed to q u a l i f y p o t e n t i a l s u b j e c t s because i t appeared on balance to be the best a v a i l a b l e means for doing so w i t h i n the c o n s t r a i n t s of the present study. The b a s i c c r i t e r i o n f o r s u b j e c t s e l e c t i o n , however, was the c a r e e r achievement i m p l i c i t in t h e i r being p s y c h o l o g i s t s s p e c i a l i z i n g i n c o u n s e l l i n g . With t h i s s e l e c t i o n procedure, 23 s u b j e c t s were i d e n t i f i e d . T h e i r ages ranged from 35 to 68 and t h e i r POI scores ranged from 116 to 134. (Five p o t e n t i a l s u b j e c t s were d i s q u a l i f i e d on the b a s i s of t h e i r POI scores.) B. THE INTERVIEW Interviews were conducted by the r e s e a r c h e r i n the homes or o f f i c e s of the s u b j e c t s and l a s t e d from 45 minutes to about 3 hours. One subject was i n t e r v i e w e d over two s e s s i o n s . A l l s e s s i o n s were audio-tape recorded. The s u b j e c t s were c o n s i d e r e d to be c o - r e s e a r c h e r s as phenomenological research theory recommends ( F r i e r e , 1970). Th e r e f o r e , t h e i r involvement i n the process was encouraged. For example, the f o l l o w i n g q u e s t i o n s were mailed to each su b j e c t about one week before the i n t e r v i e w in order to allow her to r e f l e c t on them in p r e p a r a t i o n f o r the s e s s i o n . (The l e t t e r i s i n c l u d e d as Appendix B of t h i s study.) 1) The t e s t you have completed measured s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n 40 d e f i n e d as " f u n c t i o n i n g f u l l y and l i v i n g an en r i c h e d l i f e by developing and u t i l i z i n g one's unique c a p a b i l i t i e s and p o t e n t i a l i t i e s " . What i s your p e r s o n a l understanding of t h i s term? How f a r along i n the process of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n do you co n s i d e r y o u r s e l f - beginning / on the way / advanced / w e l l -advanced / approaching completion? 2 ) I want to focus on the women who have been important in encouraging or f a c i l i t a t i n g your own development i n the d i r e c t i o n of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . These women might be mothers; s i s t e r s , grandmothers, aunts, c o u s i n s , f r i e n d s , neighbours, teachers, workmates or any women you've known p e r s o n a l l y . What are the f i r s t names of these women? What are t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s to you? 3 ) Now t r y to think of a s p e c i f i c i n c i d e n t or s e v e r a l l i t t l e i n c i d e n t s ( i t can be something small) when each of these women you've named d i d something or when something happened that s i g n i f i c a n t l y encouraged or f a c i l i t a t e d your development toward s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . What happened? What l e d up to i t ? Why was i t so h e l p f u l ? 4) Then I'd l i k e to focus on r e l a t i o n s h i p s with women i n which you've had experiences that you co n s i d e r to have hindered or i n h i b i t e d your development. What are t h e i r f i r s t names and t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s to you? Now t r y to think of spec i f i c  i n c i d e n t s when each woman d i d something or when something happened that s i g n i f i c a n t l y h indered or i n h i b i t e d your development toward s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . What happened? What l e d up to i t ? Why was i t so h i n d e r i n g ? 41 C. PROCEDURE Upon examining the data at the c o n c l u s i o n of i n t e r v i e w i n g , i t became evident that the i n c i d e n t s that had been d e s c r i b e d by the s u b j e c t s were c r i t i c a l because of t h e i r context w i t h i n r e l a t i o n s h i p s . The s u b j e c t s i d e n t i f i e d other women and t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with them that f a c i l i t a t e d (or hindered) t h e i r s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g processes and then they sometimes gave examples of s i g n i f i c a n t i n c i d e n t s . More o f t e n , however, they d e s c r i b e d the c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s of the other women and/or the q u a l i t i e s of t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with them. In these cases the i n c i d e n t a l data was t y p i c a l r a ther than p a r t i c u l a r l y s i g n i f i c a n t . Since many of the r e l a t i o n s h i p s were of long d u r a t i o n , f o r example, almost every subject d e s c r i b e d her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother, i t was apparent that i t was the accumulation of i n c i d e n t s or experiences over time that r e s u l t e d i n s i g n i f i c a n t f a c i l i t a t i o n r a t h e r than any one i n c i d e n t . T h e r e f o r e , at the c o n c l u s i o n of i n t e r v i e w i n g , i t was decided that the complete d e s c r i p t i o n s of the r e l a t i o n s h i p s r a t h e r than the i n d i v i d u a l i n c i d e n t s would be t r a n s c r i b e d onto index cards from the tape r e c o r d i n g s . Although i n c i d e n t s were gathered with the c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t technique, r e l a t i o n s h i p s were analyzed and c a t e g o r i z e d . R e l a t i o n s h i p s subsume i n c i d e n t s ; they c o n s i s t of a d i s t i l l a t i o n of many s p e c i f i c i n c i d e n t s . T h i s d e c i s i o n to c a t e g o r i z e r e l a t i o n s h i p s r a t h e r than i n c i d e n t s d i d not change the method s i g n i f i c a n t l y , ( i . e . , the data was s t i l l c a t e g o r i z e d using the p r i n c i p l e s set out i n Chapter I I ) . R e l i a b i l i t y was a s c e r t a i n e d i n the same manner by 42 submitting the data and c a t e g o r i e s to an independent r a t e r . V a l i d i t y was s t i l l based upon many i n d i v i d u a l s having r e p o r t e d t h e i r experience of a phenomenon independently, and on comparisons being made with the l i t e r a t u r e to support the c a t e g o r i z a t i o n scheme that was developed. Since r e l a t i o n s h i p s are broader or more e x t e n s i v e than i n c i d e n t s , the content of the domain i s l e s s b e h a v i o u r a l and more i n f e r e n t i a l . There i s a heightened focus on p e r c e i v e d r a t h e r than o b j e c t i v e r e a l i t y . Content coverage ( v a l i d i t y ) was however u n a f f e c t e d by the s h i f t i n a n a l y t i c a l focus from i n c i d e n t s to r e l a t i o n s h i p s , s i n c e data were s t i l l c o l l e c t e d u n t i l redundancy occurred. F i n a l l y the data l e n t themselves to r e l a t i o n s h i p - f o c u s e d c a t e g o r i z a t i o n . The c a t e g o r i e s emerged r e a d i l y , c o n f i r m i n g the a p p r o r i a t e n e s s of the d e c i s i o n to change the focus . In summary, t h i s m o d i f i c a t i o n of the procedure by s u b s t i t u t i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s for i n c i d e n t s i s c o n s i s t e n t with the r a t i o n a l e of the c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t technique. Seventeen of the 23 s u b j e c t s d e s c r i b e d 133 f a c i l i t a t i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s , each subject p r e s e n t i n g from 4 to 14 such r e l a t i o n s h i p s . Only 8 out of the 133 were d e s c r i b e d as having both f a c i l i t a t i n g and h i n d e r i n g a s p e c t s . T h i r t y - f i v e h i n d e r i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s were d e s c r i b e d by these 17 s u b j e c t s i n c l u d i n g the 8 that had both a s p e c t s . Each subject presented from 0 to 4 h i n d e r i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s . T h i s volume of data i s i n s u f f i c i e n t to permit r e l i a b l e c a t e g o r i z a t i o n . However these r e l a t i o n s h i p s are d e s c r i b e d b r i e f l y i n S e c t i o n D of 43 Chapter IV--Hindering R e l a t i o n s h i p s . The remaining 6 s u b j e c t s were unable to answer i n t e r v i e w q u e s t i o n s #2 and #3 in any d e t a i l because they had not experienced r e l a t i o n s h i p s with other women as f a c i l i t a t i v e . Instead they a t t r i b u t e d t h e i r s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n to r e l a t i o n s h i p s with men , to t h e i r s p i r i t u a l i t y , or to t h e i r own independent e f f o r t s . These women's experiences were t h e r e f o r e examined s e p a r a t e l y i n S e c t i o n F of Chapter I V - - S e l f -A c t u a l i z a t i o n without H o m o s o c i a l i t y . Upon reviewing the data a f t e r 133 r e l a t i o n s h i p d e s c r i p t i o n s had been c o l l e c t e d , i t was determined that Flanagan's (1954) c r i t e r i o n of redundancy o c c u r r i n g had been met. The r e l a t i o n s h i p d e s c r i p t i o n s had begun to seem s i m i l a r to p r e v i o u s l y c o l l e c t e d ones and p a t t e r n s were beginning to be r e c o g n i z e a b l e . T h e r e f o r e , the process of approaching, q u a l i f y i n g and i n t e r v i e w i n g s u b j e c t s was terminated. The 133 f a c i l i t a t i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s were reviewed numerous times by the researcher using the process d e f i n e d by Flanagan (1954) as o u t l i n e d in Chapter I I , u n t i l they s o r t e d themselves i n t o s i x supero r d i n a t e c a t e g o r i e s . Then i n order to achieve more r i c h n e s s of d e t a i l at t h i s l e v e l of i n c l u s i v e n e s s or a b s t r a c t i o n , the c a t e g o r i e s were analyzed i n terms of the s p e c i f i c a f f e c t i v e behaviours and q u a l i f y i n g c o n d i t i o n s that c h a r a c t e r i z e d each of the r e l a t i o n s h i p s .in each category. These s p e c i f i c behaviours and c o n d i t i o n s were compiled to form an exhaustive, yet s u c c i n c t d e s c r i p t i o n of each category. In t h i s way, some of the r i c h n e s s and d i s t i n c t i v e n e s s of Rosch's (1975) 44 b a s i c l e v e l of c a t e g o r i z a t i o n was i n c o r p o r a t e d i n t o the more d i f f e r e n t i a t e d s u p e r o r d i n a t e l e v e l . The h y b r i d r e s u l t evokes the q u a l i t y of each r e l a t i o n s h i p type while r e t a i n i n g the c l a r i t y of the super o r d i n a t e l e v e l . T h i s m o d i f i c a t i o n to the su p e r o r d i n a t e l e v e l of c a t e g o r i z a t i o n h i g h l i g h t s the f u z z i n e s s that i s p a r t i c u l a r l y c h a r a c t e r i s t i c of the more complex and i n f e r e n t i a l r e l a t i o n s h i p d a ta. Each r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h i n a category i n c o r p o r a t e s some, but not a l l of the aspects of the exhaustive d e s c r i p t i o n . Some r e l a t i o n s h i p s might be c a t e g o r i z e d in one of two or even three c a t e g o r i e s depending upon the r a t e r ' s i n t e r p r e t a t i o n of the s i g n i f i c a n c e of the s u b j e c t ' s d e s c r i p t i o n of an aspect of the r e l a t i o n s h i p . The 133 r e l a t i o n s h i p s were then s o r t e d by an independent r a t e r , a graduate of c o u n s e l l i n g psychology, i n t o the s i x c a t e g o r i e s , based on the exhaustive d e s c r i p t i o n s p r o v i d e d . She r e p l i c a t e d the r e s e a r c h e r ' s s o r t with 83% accuracy ( r e l i a b i l i t y ) . T h i s was c o n s i d e r e d a s a t i s f a c t o r y degree of agreement, given the complexity of the r e l a t i o n s h i p data. The c a t e g o r i z a t i o n scheme was then e l a b o r a t e d with the a d d i t i o n of s p e c i f i c examples from the data of each aspect of each category.. T h i s d e s c r i p t i o n ( S e c t i o n B of Chapter IV) was mailed to a l l of the s u b j e c t s with an i n v i t a t i o n to comment on i t . None were r e c e i v e d . 45 IV. RESULTS A. PERSONAL UNDERSTANDINGS OF SELF-ACTUALIZATION WHAT IS YOUR PERSONAL UNDERSTANDING OF THE TERM "SELF-ACTUALIZATION"? Four themes emerged from the women's responses. They are d e s c r i b e d e x h a u s t i v e l y i n the women's words. Some of the women addressed two, three or even a l l of the themes; some focused on one. 1. U t i l i z i n g C a p a b i l i t i e s and P o t e n t i a l i t i e s Presented with Maslow's (1954) d e f i n i t i o n - - " f u n c t i o n i n g f u l l y and l i v i n g an e n r i c h e d l i f e by developing and u t i l i z i n g one's unique c a p a b i l i t i e s and p o t e n t i a l i t i e s " - - 1 7 of the 23 women concurred with the theme of " u t i l i z i n g e x i s i t i n g t a l e n t s , s k i l l s , i n t e l l i g e n c e , g i f t s , a b i l i t i e s , i n t e r e s t s " . They d e s c r i b e d the process i n terms of a c t i v e s e l f -a s s e r t i o n : "Taking the steps to make i t happen, a c t u a l l y doing what I wish to do; being what I want to be; t a k i n g the power, c o n t r o l , r e s p o n s i b i l i t y myself to cause the consequences to happen; d i r e c t i n g a l l my en e r g i e s i n t o something i n a work s i t u a t i o n ; f u l l y committing myself to a p a r t i c u l a r c r e a t i v e task; c r e a t i o n of my r e a l i t y i n the world; enhancing, f u l f i l l i n g myself," and spoke of c h a l l e n g e and accomplishment. S e l f - d i r e c t i o n was s t r e s s e d : "being in c o n t r o l of my l i f e , owning r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r what has happened; s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n as opposed to o t h e r - a c t u a l i z a t i o n or a c c i d e n t a l - a c t u a l i z a t i o n ; s t r e n g t h , independence, r e s p o n s i b i l i t y to myself. I can d i r e c t 46 my l i f e , c r e a t e t h i n g s in the way that I want them to happen. T r y i n g to c o n t a i n myself, to be s e l f - p o s s e s s e d , to keep my own perspect i v e " . A sense of s t r i v i n g was p r e s e n t : " L i v i n g up to my moral va l u e s , t r y i n g to be the most worthwhile type of person; developing s e l f - d i s c i p l i n e , s e l f - r e s p e c t , honour, i n t e g r i t y " . The r e j e c t i o n of s o c i a l e x p e c t a t i o n s was a l s o i n v o l v e d : "Making the d e c i s i o n to go a g a i n s t the g r a i n or do what you're going to do; not needing to conform; above or beyond st e r e o t y p e s ; going a g a i n s t the norm". 2. The Importance of R e l a t i o n s h i p s Eleven women i d e n t i f i e d t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s as being as important to t h e i r experience of s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g as was t h e i r work, that i s , they d e f i n e d s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n i n p a r t i n terms of the q u a l i t y of t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s . T h i s i s c o n s i s t e n t with M i l l e r ' s (1976) idea of s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g through and in r e l a t i o n s h i p s . They wanted "to be cared about and care f o r someone; to spend my a c t u a l i z i n g time in e x p l o r i n g and f i n d i n g love, companionship, intimacy; to be i n v o l v e d with other people; to have a s a t i s f y i n g p e r s o n a l l i f e ; to become a c t u a l i z e d as a p a r t n e r " . They valued " s t e a d f a s t n e s s , l o y a l t y , a c c e p t i n g each other u n c o n d i t i o n a l l y , not competing, t r y i n g to r e l a t e to other people as I would l i k e to be r e l a t e d to, respect f o r others, understanding what's happening with other people and t h e i r i n t e r a c t i o n s with me, a c h i e v i n g a balanced l i f e between s e l f -i n t e r e s t and the i n t e r e s t s of other people". 47 They saw the process as " r i s k i n g being myself with f r i e n d s , being able to be easy i n r e l a t i o n s h i p s . C o n t inuing contact with people i s what helps me to grow". Almost h a l f of these women, then, saw r e l a t i o n s h i p s as v i t a l both as a route to s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n and as an aspect of being s e l f - a c t u a l i z e d . 3 . S e l f - D i s c o v e r y Twenty of the women a l s o understood s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n as a process of l e a r n i n g about themselves. " I choose to b e l i e v e there's a le s s o n in every experience. There's nothing I can't l e a r n from. F i n d i n g out t h i n g s about myself I d i d n ' t know. When I worked and wasn't l e a r n i n g much, I l o s t i n t e r e s t . Becoming more and more aware. D i s c o v e r i n g , developing and ex p e r i e n c i n g the f a c e t s of my p e r s o n a l i t y to the f u l l e s t ; l e t t i n g t h i n g s flow and my i n t e r e s t s develop i n t o what the next step c o u l d be". The l e a r n i n g process was c o n c e p t u a l i z e d broadly as being c o g n i t i v e , i n t u i t i v e and e x p e r i e n t i a l : "Knowing who I am; knowing where I want to go; knowing where I stand on i s s u e s ; being c l e a r ; knowing what makes me f e e l good and how I a f f e c t the world and ot h e r s ; making contact with what's i n s i d e ; r e c o g n i z i n g the t h i n g s I can do, can't do, and am w i l l i n g to s t i c k my neck out and and t r y to do; being f u l l y awake; aware of my c a p a b i l i t i e s , p o t e n t i a l s ; how I form myself i n r e l a t i o n to s e l f and o t h e r s ; f o c u s i n g on what I can do, what nourishes me; the way I respond to myself and my environment". A p o s i t i v e , o p t i m i s t i c a t t i t u d e was seen as a p p r o p r i a t e : 48 "Seeing problems and c o n f l i c t s as o p p o r t u n i t i e s to pursue growth, change in myself; l o o k i n g at the p o s i t i v e s i d e of experience". S e l f - a c c e p t a n c e was c o n s i d e r e d e s s e n t i a l : "Accepting my p o t e n t i a l s and d e f i c i e n c i e s and making c h o i c e s based on that i n s i g h t ; being w i l l i n g to wait f o r t h i n g s to happen". T h i s theme i s c o n s i s t e n t with both Maslow's (1954) and M i l l e r ' s (-1976) concepts of s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g . The two t h e o r i s t s c o n c e p t u a l i z e the process d i f f e r e n t l y , but both regard s e l f -d i s c o v e r y as fundamental to i t . 4. The A f f e c t i v e Experience of S e l f - A c t u a l i z i n g The s u b j e c t s a l s o d e s c r i b e d the a f f e c t i v e experience of s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g . E l a t i o n was r e f l e c t e d i n "being i n touch with my f e e l i n g s , spontaneous; being c r a z y i n a p o s i t i v e way; freedom to l i v e e m o t i o n a l l y i n a way that f i t s who I am; being open to new e x p e r i e n c e s ; p u t t i n g a l o t of energy i n and g e t t i n g energy in r e t u r n ; g e t t i n g high; having an impact on other people. Things get more and more e x c i t i n g . My l i f e ' s gotten b e t t e r and b e t t e r " . S a t i s f a c t i o n was r e p o r t e d i n "a sense of w e l l - b e i n g , contentment, peace; g e t t i n g p l e a s u r e and enjoyment; f e e l i n g s u c c e s s f u l , c o n f i d e n t , competent; f e e l i n g good about what I'm doing, about the process; doing something that matters; f e e l i n g s a t i s f i e d t h a t what I'm doing i s worthwhile; being happy. I'm going to be okay". T h i s theme too seems c o n s i s t e n t with both Maslow (1954) and M i l l e r (1976). 49 HOW FAR ALONG IN THE PROCESS OF SELF-ACTUALIZATION DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF - BEGINNING / ON THE WAY / ADVANCED / WELL-ADVANCED / APPROACHING COMPLETING? Nine women co n s i d e r e d themselves on the way, 8 advanced, 4 well-advanced, 1 approaching completion, and 1 beginning. Since a l l these women scored i n the s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g category on the Personal O r i e n t a t i o n Inventory, t h i s c l u s t e r i n g of responses around the middle of the s c a l e may be i n t e r p r e t e d as r e f l e c t i n g feminine modesty. A l t e r n a t i v e l y i t may be taken to i n d i c a t e the awareness of these women of the immense or i n f i n i t e developmental p o t e n t i a l of which human beings are capable. B. FACILITATING RELATIONSHIPS I t ' s the permission to be who you are and the v a l i d a t i o n that that i s worth something that encourages you to then go on past i t . ...A Subject The 17 s u b j e c t s , whose homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s had f a c i l i t a t e d t h e i r s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n , d e s c r i b e d 133 of these r e l a t i o n s h i p s with mothers, grandmothers, aunts, s i s t e r s , daughters, t e a c h e r s , s u p e r v i s o r s , and f r i e n d s , which they f e l t had s i g n i f i c a n t l y encouraged or f a c i l i t a t e d t h e i r development toward s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . As d e s c r i b e d i n the p r e v i o u s chapter, although the s u b j e c t s d i d recount c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t s that f a c i l i t a t e d t h e i r development, these i n c i d e n t s were presented i n the context of r e l a t i o n s h i p s . I t became apparent that the r e l a t i o n s h i p formed 50 from the accumulation of many i n c i d e n t s over time was i t s e l f the s i g n i f i c a n t f a c i l i t a t i n g f a c t o r . S u b j e c t s were most i n f l u e n c e d by c o n s i s t e n t l y present c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s of the f a c i l i t a t o r or of the r e l a t i o n s h i p between the s u b j e c t and the f a c i l i t a t o r . T h e r e f o r e the r e l a t i o n s h i p s have been c a t e g o r i z e d with the scheme presented below. CATEGORY #1 - INSPIRATION The subject i s i n s p i r e d by a model who she p e r c e i v e s to be more a c t u a l i z e d than h e r s e l f in some aspect. T h i s occurs in any of the f o l l o w i n g ways: a. The model's behaviour r e i n f o r c e s or helps develop the s u b j e c t ' s . v a l u e s or f e e l i n g s ; b. The model d i s p l a y s q u a l i t i e s or s k i l l s that the subj e c t admires; c. The model has achieved a goal that the subject a s p i r e s to; d. The s u b j e c t admires the way the model makes a c h o i c e or achieves a g o a l ; e. The model's approach to l i f e r e v e a l s a f r e s h o p t i o n to the s u b j e c t ; o_r f. The sub j e c t p e r c e i v e s the model's a b i l i t y to change as a l l o w i n g her to do the same. (The a b o v e - l i s t e d v a r i a t i o n s of the category theme are a l t e r n a t e s c e n a r i o s or c o n d i t i o n s , r a t h e r than a t t r i b u t e s of the category. At Rosch's (1975) b a s i c l e v e l of c a t e g o r i z a t i o n , 51 p r o t o t y p i c a l cases possess the most a t t r i b u t e s . However, these a l t e r n a t e s c e n a r i o s of a super o r d i n a t e category do not n e c e s s a r i l y accumulate to form a most f a c i l i t a t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p . T h i s a l s o holds true f o r the f o l l o w i n g category.) CATEGORY #2 - AFFIRMATION The subject ' f e e l s a p p r e c i a t e d , a f f i r m e d , accepted,  respected, t r u s t e d , or loved, and t h i s i s f a c i l i t a t i n g when any of the f o l l o w i n g i s the case: a. The f a c i l i t a t o r i s an a u t h o r i t y f i g u r e or another person admired by the s u b j e c t ; b. The subject has been f e e l i n g l o n e l y , discouraged, confused or inadequate; c. The subject i s i n a demanding or t h r e a t e n i n g s i t u a t i o n ; d. The subject has r e v e a l e d a shortcoming to the fac i 1 i t a t o r ; e. The f a c i l i t a t o r p u b l i c l y v o i c e s t h i s support; or f. The f a c i l i t a t o r g i v e s c o n s i s t e n t support over an extended p e r i o d . CATEGORY #3 - INSPIRATION AND AFFIRMATION The r e l a t i o n s h i p s in t h i s category c o n t a i n elements of both I n s p i r a t i o n and A f f i r m a t i o n . 52 CATEGORY #4 - CHALLENGE When the subject f e e l s A f f i r m e d , and the f a c i l i t a t o r then: a. Guides or a d v i s e s , b. Pushes, c. Questions or c o n f r o n t s , or d. C o r r e c t s or reproaches, the subject re-examines and changes her behaviour, and l a t e r r e c o gnizes that t h i s i n t e r v e n t i o n has helped her s e l f - a c t u a l i z e . CATEGORY #5 - INSPIRATION AND CHALLENGE The r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n t h i s category c o n t a i n elements of I n s p i r a t i o n and Challenge (based on A f f i r m a t i o n ) . CATEGORY #6 - MUTUALITY The s u b j e c t p a r t i c i p a t e s i n a mutual r e l a t i o n s h i p which may c o n t a i n elements of I n s p i r a t i o n , A f f i r m a t i o n and/or Challenge and i s c h a r a c t e r i z e d by (any combination o f ) : a. Common i n t e r e s t s , v a l u e s , goals or l i f e e xperiences; b. Mutual acceptance, a d m i r a t i o n , respect or love ; c. A mutual involvement or intimacy; d. A shared sense of openness or d i s c l o s u r e ; e. A mutual empathy; f. A f e e l i n g of e q u a l i t y or mutual dependence; g. A shared sense of c a r i n g , p r o t e c t i n g or c o n s o l i n g ; h. A sense of s t a b i l i t y or s e c u r i t y ; 53 i . A shared sense of p l a y f u l n e s s , joy, pleasure or sponta n e i t y ; j . A s h a r i n g of the growth experience; k. A f e e l i n g of non-competitiveness; 1. An acceptance of c o n f l i c t ; m. Endurance over time. The f i r s t . f i v e c a t e g o r i e s c o n t a i n r e l a t i o n s h i p s that provide u n i d i r e c t i o n a l f a c i l i t a t i o n to the s u b j e c t . In Mutual r e l a t i o n s h i p s , both p a r t i c i p a n t s give and r e c e i v e f a c i l i t a t i o n . F o l l o w i n g are d e s c r i p t i o n s of the r e l a t i o n s h i p types i n which s p e c i f i c examples c l a r i f y and e l a b o r a t e the c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s of each category. CATEGORY #1 - INSPIRATION Of the 24 r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n t h i s category, ( e l i c i t e d from 12 s u b j e c t s ) , 16 were with women who were o l d e r than the s u b j e c t . To e x p l a i n the r e l a t i o n s h i p and i t s impact, the subject d e s c r i b e d the model rather than f o c u s i n g on i n t e r a c t i o n s between h e r s e l f and the other woman. The impact was strong and enduring. She's s t i l l i n my mind o f t e n . I t h i n k , 'How would she deal with t h i s ? ' I b e f r i e n d e d a g i r l and she was a t h l e t i c , on student c o u n c i l , the p r o t o t y p i c a l s u c c e s s f u l c o l l e g e student. I d e l i b e r a t e l y i m i t a t e d her speech, modeled myself a f t e r her. I copied her because I wanted to be l i k e the other k i d s , to pass f o r being the same as everyone 54 e l s e . Years l a t e r , when she came to v i s i t , my kids s a i d , ' I t ' s spooky when she's around. You both t a l k a l i k e . ' I n s p i r e d when the model's behaviour r e i n f o r c e s or  helps develop the s u b j e c t ' s values or f e e l i n g s The p s y c h i a t r i c s o c i a l workers t r e a t e d p a t i e n t s , helped very s i c k and confused people and t h e i r f a m i l i e s . They were a very a c t i v e part of the treatment team. That was where my p r o f e s s i o n a l i d e n t i t y was formed--around those women. She's in her e i g h t i e s . She has a sense of humour. She has a f a i t h i n t h i n g s u n f o l d i n g . We're r e s p o n s i b l e f o r our l i v e s and making t h i n g s happen and yet, you don't have c o n t r o l . You don't have to f i g h t e v e r y t h i n g . She's much more attached to b e l i e f s and assumptions about the world that t h i n g s w i l l open up. She does that with her own death that she's g e t t i n g c l o s e t o . I t ' s a moving on to the next. She's so j o y f u l . That u l t i m a t e l y t h e r e ' s something i n what happens that I need and that w i l l a c t u a l l y be b e t t e r for me i n the long run. Mother always worked. I l e a r n e d women had the choice to make t h e i r own money and d i d n ' t have to depend on the man. I d i d n ' t grow up with the i l l u s i o n that a man would take care of me. That was not what she chose to do. Having her own work was important to do. I n s p i r e d when the model d i s p l a y s q u a l i t i e s or s k i l l s  that the subject admires She doesn't c a r r y a l o t of g u i l t around. She expects l i f e to be f i n e , to work out. A r e a l n a t u r a l n e s s , 55 c o n f i d e n c e . She doesn't get t i e d i n t o f e e l i n g r e s p o n s i b l e f o r other people. She does what she t h i n k s she can do and t h a t ' s t h a t . She made up f o r p h y s i c a l p r e s e n t a t i o n by t h i s p e r s o n a l i t y of d e l i g h t , w i l l i n g n e s s ; p a s s i o n a t e , i n t e n s e , o p i n i o n a t e d , argumentative, very French, very immaculate about her t o i l e t t e , impeccable--not c o m p u l s i v e — t h a t ' s how she prepared h e r s e l f f o r the day. She was a very c o l o u r f u l c h a r a c t e r , not a t y p i c a l s o c i a l worker. She stood up and t a l k e d and argued to the male d o c t o r s . c. I n s p i r e d when the model has achieved a goal that the  s u b j e c t a s p i r e s to I have a f r i e n d who does a l l kinds of t h i n g s with her husband. She's an independent woman but she does a l o t of t h i n g s to keep a common bond going between them as they get o l d e r . She's i n f l u e n c e d me a l o t i n t h i n k i n g that way that t h a t ' s important i n r e l a t i o n s h i p because I see her doing that and i t ' s s u c c e s s f u l f o r her. d. The subject admires the way the model makes a choice  or achieves a goal We always had great d i s c u s s i o n s about our v i r g i n i t y and when we were going to lose i t . She met somebody and decided that she was going to do t h a t . I t was a c a l c u l a t e d d e c i s i o n on her p a r t and a l s o that she d i d care about him. I ' l l always remember that I was impressed that she decided she was going to accept her c h o i c e . J u s t the way she d e a l t with i t . I t wasn't j u s t , ' I t ' s going to happen'. She went o f f that n i g h t . I f e l t I was sending her o f f to the war. Then i t was j u s t , 'How are you? how was i t ? ' Not a l o t of d i s c u s s i o n . I admired t h a t . There are p e r s o n a l 56 t h i n g s you don't blabber about. She wasn't doing t h i s as any experiment. She managed to make a c h o i c e that astounded me. I d i d n ' t know what I wanted to do. She was able to make d e c i s i o n s much f a s t e r and know who she was and what she was good a t . She was out and working before I was and had a c l e a r e r idea of e x a c t l y what she wanted to do with i t afterwards than I d i d . I was i n t e r e s t e d i n how she made the c h o i c e and when I saw her working, then i t made sense to me. She has a t e r r i f i c sense of humour and i s q u i t e u n i n h i b i t e d . In r e s i d e n c e she would have the whole d i n i n g t a b l e l a u g h i n g . People would be drawn to her because she was so e n t e r t a i n i n g and a t t r a c t i v e in that way. When I saw her working with her deaf k i d s , i t made sense in terms of p e r s o n a l i t y because i t was a l o t of t h e a t r i c s , being able to use her e x t r o v e r t e d nature, to draw them out, to show, to use a l l the gestures which were funny. She used i t i n another way. She was so at home i n t e r a c t i n g with people in that kind of a way r i g h t away. We had both been f l o u n d e r i n g around before t h a t . She'd been working with d i s t u r b e d boys in a s c h o o l . A l l of a sudden she made t h i s r e a l switch. Having a very accurate idea of what your c a p a b i l i t i e s are and being able to recognize i t and match i t up. I was f a s c i n a t e d with t h a t . She l e f t her marriage because there was someone e l s e . Just knowing her and her p e r s o n a l i t y , i t was huge f o r her. She wants everyone to be okay and yet not to that degree that you l o s e y o u r s e l f . I value t h a t . Not to make i t n i c e f o r everybody. I t ' s your own l i f e . She p u l l e d her l i f e together and brought her son back to l i v e with her. Making tough d e c i s i o n s . I always admire t h a t . Facing t h i n g s and doing them. Not making anyone out to be bad. She t a l k s about her ex-husband with respect and admiration. e. I n s p i r e d when the model's approach to l i f e r e v e a l s a  f r e s h o p t i o n to the s u b j e c t My aunt has made me see that someone i n our f a m i l y can 57 do that and that I don't n e c e s s a r i l y have to be l i k e my mother. I can fo l l o w other paths. Her a b i l i t y to j u s t f l i p that one over when she c o u l d have wallowed i n i t and i t would have stopped her from the very process that I b e l i e v e s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n i s . It impressed me with what's p o s s i b l e . I t was a good cause f o r being depressed, h u r t , angry and she refused to l e t i t do t h a t . I thought, 'I hope that I ' l l have that kind of courage and guts when I have circumstances i n l i f e l i k e that to face. I'm growing o l d e r . T h i s w i l l happen.' She was an example of how you can l i v e with that in a p o s i t i v e way. I f e e l very b l e s s e d with her. I was impressed that she c o u l d move i n t o d i f f e r e n t c a r e e r s . She d i d n ' t f e e l l i m i t e d or have to s t i c k to one t h i n g , not make cho i c e s or changes. I t was a r e a l i z a t i o n of not being locked i n . You c o u l d take one t h i n g and then do something e l s e . You d i d n ' t have to t i e y o u r s e l f down. She was a nun--so i n t e l l e c t u a l , together, s e n s i t i v e , s t r o n g , w o r l d l y . I t was the f i r s t time I r e a l l y had the impact of how a woman c o u l d be. I t was a d i f f e r e n t model than anything I had ever been exposed to . I n s p i r e d when the subject p e r c e i v e s the model's  a b i l i t y to change as a l l o w i n g her to do the same For me, being around a person that young who can deal with l i f e so w e l l i s an example .... I f e l t her g e n e r o s i t y c o u l d cause her problems. She c o u l d end up doing t h i n g s f o r people she doesn't r e a l l y want to do. I spoke to her about i t two or three years ago .... A couple of years l a t e r , she and her o l d e r brother were having a f i g h t . I t went on and I f i n a l l y asked her to go to her room .... So she stormed o f f , which i s unusual f o r her - she's so calm. I thought she was f e e l i n g bad about being sent to her room, and she 58 s a i d , 'I was j u s t t r y i n g to stand up to him j u s t l i k e you t o l d me to, and then I c o u l d n ' t do i t because you sent me away.' I was so impressed with her c l e a r p u r p o s e f u l n e s s , because the e a s i e s t t h i n g f o r her would have been to concede and she was a c t u a l l y and p u r p o s e f u l l y attempting to be t r u e to h e r s e l f i n a way I had advised her to do .... I r e a l i z e d t h ere's a l o t more i n t e l l i g e n c e and consciousness i n kids than you give c r e d i t f o r . They can be a constant source of i n s p i r a t i o n to me. The above i s one of s e v e r a l I n s p i r a t i o n a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s that s u b j e c t s d e s c r i b e d with younger models, (e.g., t h e i r d a ughters). T h i s i s c o n t r a r y to popular conceptions of r o l e models. However, i t i s c o n s i s t e n t with Bucher and S t e l l i n g ' s (1977) n o t i o n that people c o n s t r u c t t h e i r own models based on a v a r i e t y of people, ( i . e . , they do not i m i t a t e whole persons, but c r e a t i v e l y u t i l i z e v a r i o u s models in the ongoing r e c o n s t r u c t i o n of t h e i r own experience of themselves). CATEGORY #2 - AFFIRMATION Of the 31 r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n t h i s category, ( e l i c i t e d from 11 s u b j e c t s ) , 8 were with o l d e r f a m i l y members, 8 with teachers, 6 with s u p e r v i s o r s , 4 with other o l d e r women and 7 with f r i e n d s . T h i s i s the l a r g e s t category as w e l l as p r o v i d i n g the b a s i s f o r the f o l l o w i n g category, Challenge. a. A f f i r m e d when the f a c i l i t a t o r i s an a u t h o r i t y f i g u r e  or another person admired by the s u b j e c t My grandmother had a l o t of power over my mother. My mother phoned her two or three times a day. I s t a r t e d a r e l a t i o n s h i p with a man who my parents weren't c r a z y about. He was i n v i t e d to d i n n e r . My grandmother was 59 there and she engaged him i n c o n v e r s a t i o n . Then she came up to me and s a i d , ' I t ' s okay, he's a l r i g h t . When he t a l k s , he looks r i g h t i n your eyes.' My mother walked i n and I burst i n t o t e a r s . I . s a i d to mother, 'Grandmother l i k e s him!' I t was a t u r n i n g p o i n t . One of the graduate nurses t o l d me—I was a student nurse—when I was on n i g h t s with her, ' A l l the graduate nurses want to get you because they say when you're there, the p a t i e n t s behave b e t t e r . ' That was important f o r me.to f i n d that i n some way I was good with people was kind of a breakthrough f o r me. That r e a l l y helped me to know more about myself, my a b i l i t y . When someone you think a l o t of because you know they're good and you know you l i k e what they're doing, turns around and says, ' L i s t e n , I want to know from you, I want to l e a r n from you where you're t a k i n g t h i s . I think t h i s s t u f f ' s i n c r e d i b l e , ' you go, 'Hey, i t might be!' You get a l l l i k e a l i t t l e k i d because i t ' s the same as when mommy or daddy approved. A drama teacher i n high s c h o o l . We had t h i s r a p p o r t . I f e l t l i k e she l i k e d me, supported me and I thought I was s p e c i a l from the other students. She chose me to take the lead i n the s e a t i n g p l a n . b. A f f i r m e d when the s u b j e c t has been f e e l i n g l o n e l y ,  d iscouraged, confused or inadequate She was my s a v i o u r , my f r i e n d , a p l a c e f o r me to go to when t h i n g s were not good between my p a r e n t s . She u n c o n d i t i o n a l l y loved me. I got depressed and was going to r e s i g n . I'm p e r f e c t i o n i s t i c and have u n r e a l i s t i c e x p e c t a t i o n s of myself. The superintendent loooked over my r e p o r t s and s a i d they were good and I must be 60 o v e r c o n s c i e n t i o u s . That r e a l l y was a h e l p to me. She took q u i t e an i n t e r e s t i n me. I remember her b r i n g i n g me a continued s t o r y i n a magazine about a l i t t l e g i r l . I t was c a l l e d 'The Magic Garden' and the l i t t l e g i r l was c a l l e d ' L i t t l e Hungry Heart'. T h i s always makes me kind of t e a r f u l . I don't know i f she saw me that way and t h a t ' s why she brought i t but I saw myself that way. I t was n i c e that she d i d t h a t . She was a sweet o l d dear. She knew I was f a l l i n g a p a r t . I was p r a c t i c a l l y an e n o t i o n a l basket case'when I went to work t h e r e . She i n s t i l l e d a l o t of c o n f i d e n c e i n me. She was the type of woman who, i f she took a l i k i n g to you, would r e a l l y boost you. I give her f u l l marks f o r having r e i n s t a t e d my c o n f i d e n c e . She gave me a l o t of p o s i t i v e reinforcement. I was d i s s i l l u s i o n e d with u n i v e r s i t y . I t wasn't higher e d u c a t i o n . I wanted more but I wasn't p u t t i n g a l l t h a t much i n t o i t . She was more human than the other p r o f s . Some kind of bond st r u c k up between her and I. I s t i l l f e l t i n s i g n i f i c a n t , not c o n f i d e n t . I put i n e x t r a e f f o r t i n her course. I got a l o t out of her course. I l e a r n e d a l o t . The connection with her being more personable, I j u s t put out so much more and I got something out of i t . At Christmas time the teacher gave me a s p e c i a l g i f t . C h i l d r e n wore p i n a f o r e aprons over t h e i r d r e s s e s . She gave me a very s p e c i a l apron. There wasn't any money. I must have worn the same apron a l l the time. I was extremely touched by t h a t . I f e l t l o s t a l l the time as i f there were so many people around and I wasn't being n o t i c e d enough. I was i n the shadows. I f e l t I c o u l d disappear in a corner but that wouldn't be n i c e . So t h i s teacher s i n g l i n g me out .... They c a l l e d me one of those extremely shy g i r l s . J u s t to be rec o g n i z e d was very s p e c i a l f o r me. The teacher had gone out of her way to buy t h i s apron. I f e l t n o t i c e d , important. I stumbled i n t o her o f f i c e and she was j u s t 61 i n c r e d i b l e . She s m i l e d a l o t and she t o l d me yes, indeed, the department would welcome me with open arms. What you'd done before was not n e c e s s a r i l y what you c o u l d do and she c o u l d see that there were other t h i n g s that were more important that I c o u l d do. She encouraged me to go on and not to get discouraged by the whole pro c e s s . Words of support and s m i l i n g and being w i l l i n g to take the t i m e - - r e a l l y p o s i t i v e . If I hadn't run i n t o her, I don't know where I'd be today because I was g e t t i n g r e a l l y discouraged and running and l o o k i n g . It was so hard to f i n d that person and i t was f i n a l l y her. That gave me the courage to go on. c. A f f i r m e d when the s u b j e c t i s i n a demanding or  t h r e a t e n i n g s i t u a t i o n She was a help too when I was going through the cancer t h i n g because she would be s u p p o r t i v e and encouraging and as a nurse, she knew. Just encouraging that I was doing r e a l l y w e l l and that things would get b e t t e r and understanding when I f e l t r a t t y that i t was okay to f e e l r a t t y , that I d i d n ' t have to demand p e r f e c t i o n of myself. d. A f f i r m e d when the s u b j e c t has r e v e a l e d a shortcoming to the f a c i l i t o r They had a nickname f o r me--the l i t t l e b i t c h . I take i t as a compliment, an a f f e c t i o n a t e term. I d i s c o v e r e d Freud's 'Psychopathology of Everyday L i f e ' . That's where I d i s c o v e r e d that everybody i s n a t u r a l l y s e l f i s h and t h a t ' s what I needed to read. People d i d e v e r y t h i n g to get what they wanted i n some way. Behind every generous act i s a l s o something in i t f o r you. That r e a l l y amused and pleased one f r i e n d . She must have had the same t h i n g about r e c o g n i z i n g her s e l f i s h n e s s and not r e a l l y knowing that everybody e l s e i s s e l f i s h . They enjoyed me a n a l y z i n g people's motives i n t h i s way. 62 e. A f f i r m e d when the f a c i l i t a t o r p u b l i c l y v o i c e s t h i s  support I was pleased when she had a l i t t l e p arty and she introduced me to some of her o l d acquaintances as her best f r i e n d . I d i d n ' t r e a l l y expect anybody to c a l l me her best f r i e n d now. She s a i d to my mother in my prescence, 'The most d i f f i c u l t c h i l d r e n make the most i n t e r e s t i n g a d u l t s . ' As I was s t r u g g l i n g and f i g h t i n g with my mother, I would f e e l t h i s support from her that I was okay even i f my mother d i d n ' t f e e l I was. f. A f f i r m e d when the f a c i l i t a t o r g i v e s c o n s i s t e n t support  over an extended p e r i o d I l i v e d with her f o r years. She was t o t a l acceptance and more than t h a t . She r e a l l y looked up to me. She admired my a s s e r t i v e n e s s . She would have l i k e d to be that way. She was a constant f o r c e . She was there i f I had a hard time with somebody and needed a l i t t l e e x t r a encouragement to make a l e a p . I had t h i s f r i e n d s h i p . I t was always t h e r e . CATEGORY #3 - INSPIRATION AND AFFIRMATION There were 20 r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n t h i s category ( e l i c i t e d from 12 s u b j e c t s ) . That kind of a f f i r m a t i o n from the teacher c o n t r i b u t e d to the f e e l i n g that I am okay. I can do t h i n g s . I'm s p e c i a l . I had s k i l l s . She was an o l d e c c e n t r i c , d i f f e r e n t , strange, not l i k e anyone I knew. I l i k e d her. She p l e a s e d me. She was g r u f f - - t e a c h e r s had 63 permission to be gruff--but she recognized my a b i l i t i e s . She was a model that you could be d i f f e r e n t . At home there were just wives and mothers. She supported me through my divorce which I think is remarkable for a very strong Catholic. She taught me a lot about r e l i g i o n , being r e l i g i o s e . She was r e l i g i o u s in s p i r i t . Her s p i r i t transcended any p a r t i c u l a r r e l i g i o n . I saw her as a woman who r e a l l y t r i e d to l i v e her s p i r i t u a l i t y . I was very vulnerable at the time, f e l t out of place in the world. Divorce is devestating. Thinking, 'What i f ...? Is there anything I could have done?' Much was l e f t unresolved. She gave me emotional, moral support in the benefit of her s p i r i t u a l i t y . She gave me this book of her poetry. It's another instance of her concern, care, kindness, and s p i r i t u a l i t y . A person who r e a l l y t r i e d to l i v e by s p i r i t u a l p r i n c i p l e s and that made an impression on me--a deep impression. There was a sense of compassion I f e l t from her that was very d i f f e r e n t from what I had f e l t from other teachers. I did very well academically in that class and i t had to do with her r e a l l y believing in me. She responded to me as an equal, the way she responded to the c l a s s . We weren't children. There was a type of respect she gave us. She was a very dramatic person, intense. She c e r t a i n l y knew who she was. She had a very strong character. She got very excited about things. She was f u l l of l i f e and energy. I was enchanted by that. She was quite secure about who she was and she didn't care i f anyone judged her for being emotional, dramatic. That impressed me that she wasn't concerned about what other people thought. She was r e a l l y amazing. CATEGORY #4 - CHALLENGE There were 19 relationships in t h i s category ( e l i c i t e d from 12 subjects). a. Guides 64 S h e w a s a v e r y p r i m e p e r s o n , a v e r y p r o f o u n d i n f l u e n c e o n m e . S h e w a s t h e o n e who e n c o u r a g e d me t o g o t o u n i v e r s i t y , e n c o u r a g e d me i n t e l l e c t u a l l y . O n e o f my w a y s o f g e t t i n g a t t e n t i o n a s a c h i l d w a s t h r o u g h g r a d e s . I w a s a s o c i a l w a s h o u t a n d s c h o o l w a s a s o u r c e o f a c h i e v e m e n t f o r me a n d s h e w a s o n e who e n c o u r a g e d t h a t . My m o t h e r s a w i n me w h a t s h e w o u l d h a v e l i k e d t o h a v e b e e n . I w a s g o i n g t o d o t h e t h i n g s t h a t s h e h a d w a n t e d t o d o . I w a s g o i n g t o l i v e o u t h e r f a n t a s y a n d I t h i n k I h a d a s e n s e o f t h a t e v e n a t t h e t i m e - - t h a t s h e w a s h a v i n g a c e r t a i n v i c a r i o u s a c h i e v e m e n t t h r o u g h me a n d s o s h e d i d e n c o u r a g e me t o g o o n . S h e r e a l l y g a v e me s o m e t h i n g t o w o r k t o w a r d . S h e s a i d , ' Y o u k n o w , i t t a k e s a l i f e t i m e t o d e v e l o p a p h i l o s o p h y o f l i f e a n d i t may v a r y t h r o u g h o u t t h e y e a r s a n d t h a t ' s o k a y , d e a r , t a k e y o u r t i m e . ' W h i c h h a s h a d m u c h m o r e m e a n i n g f o r me a s I ' v e g o t t e n o l d e r t h a n i t d i d a t t h e t i m e . S h e r e a l l y s t a r t e d me g e t t i n g t o l o o k a t my e m o t i o n a l l i f e , l e a r n i n g how t o f e e l , a l l o w t i m e a n d s p a c e f o r t h a t . b . A d v i s e s S h e a d v i s e d me n o t t o t a k e r e l i g i o u s s t u d i e s . ' T h e o n l y t h i n g y o u c o u l d d o w o u l d b e t o t e a c h i n u n i v e r s i t y w i t h t h a t a n d I d o n ' t t h i n k y o u r e a l l y w a n t t o d o t h a t . ' How s h e k n e w m e , I d o n ' t k n o w , , b u t o f c o u r s e s h e ' s r i g h t . S h e k n e w t h a t s o m e h o w a n d a d v i s e d me t o l e t i t g o . I f e l t s h e w a s r i g h t . I a l w a y s f e l t s h e k n e w m e . S h e s a i d , ' I t h i n k y o u s h o u l d t r y t h i s o n . ' I s a i d , ' I c a n ' t w e a r t h a t ! ' S h e m a d e me t r y i t o n a n d I l o o k e d g o o d i n i t . S h e t h o u g h t I l o o k e d g o o d i n i t a n d m a d e me b u y i t . 65 She always could say what she f e l t about me, comment on things that I did that she didn't p a r t i c u l a r l y agree with or that she though maybe weren't good for me or for the people around me. That I could do better, she knew that I could, I didn't need to f a l l into those ruts or whatever—without ever making me fee l rejected or even bad. She always turned me back on myself and had the effect of making me consider what I'd done because I respected her opinion so much and I was so sure that she probably knew what she was talking about. c. Pushes She pointed out to me that I was a big baby in a memorable way. When i t was time for me to go home, she made me c a l l the a i r l i n e to confirm. I f e l t I couldn't, incapable, scared. 'They won't know who I am.' In a way I hated her and in a way I was g r a t e f u l . She said, 'If you don't do i t , you're not going home because I'm not doing i t . ' I believe I convinced her to s i t there with me beside the phone while I did i t . She t r i e d to get me to be independent, rely on myself, grow up. At home everything was done for me. d. Quest ions She has certain expectations of me and she trusts that I can do them. She's my c r i t i c ongoing. She keeps me watching. She makes me question a l o t , kind of devi l ' s advocate. 'Is this r e a l l y what you want to be doing? Do you r e a l l y believe in i t or are you just doing i t because you're t i r e d and you don't want to put more energy in? You know you can do much more.' So she and I fight a lot because she stimulates my thinking and makes me fee l g u i l t y as well. She presses the buttons and I want to make excuses for f a l l i n g down behaviours. e. Confronts She got a hold of me and said, 'You know, you could do 66 anything you wanted to, but you're r e a l l y not focused.' She pushed me to work harder. I t was almost l i k e a school t e a cher. She was an i n c r e d i b l y pushy lady. Nothing s u b t l e about her and I resented i t i n one way, but she r e a l l y made me t h i n k . She kept a f t e r me. She s a i d , 'You don't give the impression that you know what you're doing, are on t r a c k , but you are and you c o u l d do anything you wanted to and I'd l i k e to see you do something.' Some of i t was a put-down, impli e d I was a d i l e t t a n t e . I resented i t . I decided to stop being d e f e n s i v e and take the p o s i t i v e part of i t and accept that and that was my f i r s t experience of t r y i n g to accept what someone s a i d at face v a l u e . I was p i d d l i n g around with my t h e s i s f o r two years. I decided I was going to move. She s a i d , ' Y o u ' l l do anything not to do your t h e s i s . ' I completed i t then in four months. I've always been g r a t e f u l f o r t h a t . I acknowledged her i n my t h e s i s . f. C o r r e c t s I was i n the middle of bubbling on about how i n a p p r o p r i a t e I though t h i s was and how she shouldn't do i t and she stopped me, f i x e d me with her gaze and s a i d , 'Mom,' and I stopped and she s a i d , 'You don't know him. I know him. I t ' s my r e l a t i o n s h i p with him and I know what I can say and what I can't.' She d i d n ' t say i t i n a snarky tone. She s a i d , 'You don't understand what's going on here.' And i t was as much her way of saying i t that made i t very c l e a r to me that I d i d n ' t know what I was t a l k i n g about, that I was t h i n k i n g of her as much l e s s capable, r e s p o n s i b l e , independent than I a c t u a l l y knew her to be. I t was important to me. I t s t r u c k me how e a r l y one can begin the process of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . I remember c a l l i n g another female a ' g i r l ' and having one of them turn around and say, 'Goddam i t , she's t h i r t y years o l d . She's not a g i r l , she's a woman!' and me s a y i n g , 'I guess I'm going to have to s t a r t c a l l i n g myself that too.' I s a i d , 'What's the d i f f e r e n c e ? ' She s a i d , ' Y o u ' l l know when you know.' g. Reproaches 67 She was expert at i n s t i l l i n g g u i l t . I would have done something t e r r i b l e . A teacher would be complaining b i t t e r l y and she'd say, 'Go to your room. I ' l l t a l k to you s h o r t l y . ' So I had a w a i t i n g p e r i o d . She would come i n and pace back and f o r t h t e l l i n g me j u s t how d i s a p p o i n t e d she was. I had l e t not only her down, the school down, the world. She wouldn't l e t up u n t i l the t e a r s s t a r t e d d r i p p i n g . She never l e t up u n t i l she got a r e a c t i o n . She knew that she'd r e a l l y struck home. She was the only person i n my c h i l d h o o d who c o u l d make me c r y . She knew the button to press which was that she had expected so much of me and I had j u s t .... She always l e f t on a h o p e f u l note that I was s o r r y , I had shown remorse and that she knew, she had confidence that I would not repeat t h a t . CATEGORY #5 - INSPIRATION AND CHALLENGE (BASED ON AFFIRMATION) There were 12 r e l a t i o n s h i p s in t h i s category ( e l i c i t e d from 7 s u b j e c t s ) . She was l i k e f r e s h a i r . She's flamboyant, fun, generous. I found her amazing. We'd go out. She wouldn't be working and she'd t r e a t me f o r lunch. I was bori n g and m i s e r l y . I t f e l t n i c e to be t r e a t e d . I t was i n c r e d i b l e . I t was that f r e e - f l o w i n g go-with-the-flow i s what she does; adapts e a s i l y ; has fun; i s very d i s c i p l i n e d i n her work. She doesn't use people but gets things turned around to her advantage. Tremendously g i v i n g . She c a l l e d me f o r being s t i n g y , b o r i n g . I f e l t I had to get a g r i p on myself so I s t a r t e d being generous, not only m a t e r i a l l y , but with my emotions. She c a l l e d me on not being honest, deep enough with her. I'm not used to people c o n f r o n t i n g me. I don't handle i t w e l l . I'm shocked when i t happens. She was f u r i o u s with me and s a i d , 'Look, what kind of r e l a t i o n s h i p do you want? If you want to be s u r f a c e y ....' I was j u s t goofing o f f . I hadn't t o l d her something or d e a l t with something. ' E i t h e r we're best f r i e n d s or we're not. I don't want t h i s l e v e l of committment. I want t h i s l e v e l . ' I was stunned, shocked that she'd be that angry and confront me so openly and h o n e s t l y . I t was heavy. I hadn't r e a l i z e d . I was a s l e e p at the wheel r e g a r d i n g how I was i n t e r a c t i n g . That was a b i g s h i f t i n our r e l a t i o n s h i p . I decided I d i d r e a l l y want to be her 68 best f r i e n d and I b e t t e r s t a r t g i v i n g more e m o t i o n a l l y , being more generous. I had to make a conscious e f f o r t to i n v i t e her over. Now, years l a t e r , I l i k e myself a l o t . b e t t e r , I'm d i f f e r e n t . I'm generous. I do n i c e t h i n g s f o r people I care about and you do get back t e n f o l d more. I got a sense of being r e a l , g i v i n g a l o t . She g i v e s a l l and wants i t back and t h a t ' s what being a f r i e n d i s . CATEGORY #6 - MUTUALITY There were 27 r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n t h i s category ( e l i c i t e d from 15 s u b j e c t s ) , 24 of which were with f r i e n d s of about the same age as the s u b j e c t . a. Common i n t e r e s t s , v a l u e s , goals or l i f e e xperiences She was someone I r e a l l y valued and was an awful l o t l i k e me. Sometimes I thought I was the only one l i k e me i n the whole world. She had the same need to achi e v e . She d i d n ' t s u b s c r i b e to the going i n -t h i n g s — s m o k i n g and c a r o u s i n g , boychasing, f r i v o l o u s p u r s u i t s . They seemed to be t h i n g s that everyone was doing and i t was r e a l l y hard to f i n d people who thought about anything, c o n s i d e r e d what they were doing, chose what they wanted and d i d i t and f e l t good about i t and knew they were on the r i g h t t r a c k . I recognized her very soon a f t e r we met. When she t a l k e d about what mattered to her, i t wasn't the t h i n g s I was used to h e a r i n g . She acted i n ways that were c o n s i s t e n t with what I thought was important. I never thought I'd f i n d somebody l i k e that so every day that I had her, I f e l t b l e s s e d . We have the same i n t e r e s t s . She l i k e s to do some of the c r a z y t h i n g s I do. S h e ' l l do anything on a dare, w i l l p i c k up on the s l i g h t e s t n o t i c e and go with me. I t ' s i n d i r e c t , but I'm g e t t i n g support f o r i t being okay to do t h i s . We spark each other o f f . She enjoys my company and I haven't been q u i t e so much on the 69 same wavelength in terms of what I want to do before with someone. I t ' s r e f r e s h i n g to have someone whose w i l l i n g to be c h i l d l i k e and crazy with me. She's unconventional, got spark, dynamic, v i v a c i o u s . I can say anything. To be able to phone her up and s h e ' l l drop e v e r y t h i n g . I t ' s v a l i d a t i n g that she wants to be with me, i s i n t e r e s t e d i n the same t h i n g s . b. Mutual acceptance, admiration, respect or love We l e d very independent l i v e s . Our i n t e r e s t s were very d i v e r g e n t . I t was l i k e a married couple. When we go together, we f i l l e d each other i n . I t makes f o r a r i c h e r r e l a t i o n s h i p than i f i t ' s redundant. I always f e l t i t was mutually rewarding .... I developed a great respect f o r her. With her somehow i t became a l r i g h t to l e t go .... My f a v o u r i t e t o p i c was p h i l o s o p h i c a l d i s c u s s i o n and she enjoyed i t . She looked up to me. She had e f f e c t i v e s o c i a l s k i l l s . She was popular, played s p o r t s . I never d i d . Our f r i e n d s h i p was probably the most important t h i n g i n her l i f e as w e l l . She respected i t . I t never took second p l a c e to a n y t h i n g . I l i k e d t h a t . I respected her. c. A mutual involvement or intimacy She was someone to r e a l l y t a l k to, someone who I c o u l d bounce my ideas around with. She c o u l d f o l l o w me and she c o u l d c o n t r i b u t e - - p s y c h i c . When I wasn't q u i t e sure where I was going, e x p l o r i n g , l o o k i n g , l i v i n g l i f e i n a r e a c t i o n a r y way, q u i t t i n g jobs, having a c l o s e woman f r i e n d who was w i l l i n g to p l a y with me that way. Whatever she was doing with her l i f e , somehow we c o u l d do i t together. d. A shared sense of openness or d i s c l o s u r e 7 0 I t was a sh a r i n g of a l l my deep s e c r e t s that I hadn't t o l d anyone. It was r e c i p r o c a l . It was an amazing time f o r me. I t was the f i r s t time I ever l e t down and I l e a r n e d nothing h o r r i b l e happened. She's s t i l l a good f r i e n d . You can share s e c r e t s with other people and they not only understand but have s i m i l a r h o r r o r s t o r i e s . I t f e l t good to t a l k about them, get i t out. I learned to r e a l l y love other people. I t was okay to be that v u l n e r a b l e with someone. She was my f i r s t experience i n being c l o s e to a person, emotional. We shared a l o t of thoughts, ideas, philosophy, had a l o t of fun together. I t o l d her t h i n g s I'd never t o l d people b e f o r e . I was f a i r l y guarded. I t r u s t e d her a l o t and I never had that proven wrong. I never f e l t betrayed. She i n i t i a t e d i t . She'd say, 'Nobody e l s e would understand the way you do,' or 'I couldn't wait to get home from work to t e l l you about t h i s . ' e. A mutual empathy When we got together we'd go, 'Hi, how's your new b o y f r i e n d ? ' and a l l that s t u f f and then we'd say, ' L i s t e n , you know that poem we had i n E n g l i s h c l a s s , what do you think he was t r y i n g to do?' 'I don't know. What do you t h i n k ? ' ... These two people understood the same s t u f f , t a l k e d the same language, allowed the same p o t e n t i a l . We'd t a l k about anything. We a l l three jumped up at the same time and would a l l land at the same time. The th i n g s you explore as a teenager -s e c r e t s , f e a r s , thoughts, f a n t a s i e s , a l l the i n t e l l e c t u a l e x e r c i s e s . Having the time to share that kind of experience heightened i n me the f a c t that I wasn't the only person who was wierd that way. f. A f e e l i n g of e q u a l i t y or mutual dependence 71 She demanded a p r e t t y mutual r e l a t i o n s h i p r i g h t from the beginning. I had put her up on a p e d e s t a l and she r e a l l y wouldn't accept t h a t . She doesn't l i k e to be put i n a p o s i t i o n of power with her f r i e n d s at a l l . She's extremely uncomfortable with i t . She's dependent in a p o s i t i v e sense. She'd have a c r i s i s with her man and be i n t e a r s and t e r r i b l e pain and I would support her. That gave me a s e l f - c o n f i d e n c e . Here's t h i s person I've imbued with a l l t h i s s t u f f and she's coming to me f o r support. Obviously she sees something in me that maybe I haven't seen i n myself. The only demand seemed to be that you were r e a l and that was r e a l l y f r e e i n g . When she was in that s t a t e the only demand was to be there f o r her, to be present. g. A shared sense of c a r i n g , p r o t e c t i n g or c o n s o l i n g I chose to put my dog to s l e e p . I loved him. I got home and she c a l l e d and s a i d , 'Would you l i k e to come over?' I d i d n ' t r e a l i z e she knew what I'd done and I s a i d no. She s a i d , 'You don't want to be alone at a time l i k e t h i s , ' and I s t a r t e d c r y i n g and s a i d , 'I'm coming over r i g h t now.' J u s t that f a c t that she was so s e n s i t i v e to my need. Then her marriage broke down. She never s a i d anything u n t i l she t o l d me, but I had heard her husband was out with other women. I was not going to t e l l her, but I t o l d my source to make sure her husband saw him and f e l t g u i l t y . We s t a r t e d jogging together a f t e r work. We'd do more t a l k i n g than running. That d i d more f o r both of us. We supported each other through school and work. We went out f o r dinner and helped each other d e a l with whatever happened that day. We t r i e d to support each other i n not g i v i n g i n to the pressure to do work that was too heavy for us. h. A sense of s t a b i l i t y or s e c u r i t y 72 I t was the f i r s t time I f e l t m y s e l f — n o t someone's daughter or s i s t e r - - a n d that I was able to have such good f r i e n d s . There was always so much l o v e . I've always f e l t loved and cared f o r . I have a d e f i n i t e b e l i e f , assumption about t h a t . I don't ever f e e l alone i n the world, uncared f o r . I t f r e e s me up to r e l y on other people. i . A shared sense of p l a y f u l n e s s , joy, p l e a s u r e or  sp o n t a n e i t y She had a T - s h i r t which had w r i t t e n over the l e f t b r e a s t , 'So many men'. I thought, 'That's wierd', but she seemed l i k e a r e a l p l e a s a n t person. She opened the back of the c a r . The back of the T - s h i r t s a i d , 'so l i t t l e time'. I t was a r e a l l y n i c e experience. I sat and chuckled. When we met each other, I couldn't stop l a u g h i n g . I s a i d , 'I watched you today. I f e e l l i k e I know you even though I don't.' The T - s h i r t r e p r e s e n t s her joy i n l i f e - - s o many f r i e n d s , so l i t t l e time. I t t y p i f i e s her r e l a t i o n s h i p to l i f e . We share a sense of humour. To me humour i s a very important part of being able to manage l i f e because there's a l o t t h a t ' s very t r a g i c and sad. j . A s h a r i n g of the growth experience We're s h a r i n g s i m i l a r e x p e r i e n c e s . I t ' s knowing you're i n the same boat. She's become more i n t r o s p e c t i v e and s e l f - d i s c l o s i n g . I can't r e l a t e to people u n l e s s they a r e . We've meshed. Both of us have changed together. I always knew that i t was f o r me that she d i d th a t , that she was always t h i n k i n g of, p u l l i n g me ahead and knowing that i f I kept growing and maturing and a c t u a l i z i n g and changing, that she would too and that she v a l u e d that i n t e r a c t i o n . A very a c t i v e kind of exchange. We have continued to change and grow i n the 73 same d i r e c t i o n s and w a y s — p h i l o s o p h i c a l l y s i m i l a r . The t h i n g s that r e a l l y matter to me—her ways of d e a l i n g with people, her views on l i f e — h a v e evolved remarkably p a r a l l e l with mine and I don't understand why. So o b v i o u s l y there's something very b a s i c i n common and t h a t ' s extremely important c o n t i n u i n g v a l i d a t i o n . I r e a l l y admire her. Her v a l u e s have drawn c l o s e r to mine as she grows o l d e r . A f e e l i n g of non-competitiveness If I say I'm doing something, she never f l i c k e r s an e y e l a s h , but says, 'Great!' She never p u l l s me down. I never think she experiences j e a l o u s y . 1. An acceptance of c o n f l i c t We would have t e r r i b l e f i g h t s and not speak to each other f o r weeks and r e s o l v e t h i n g s . We know each other more because we've been through that s t u f f t o g e t h e r . When we were t r y i n g to s o r t out our r e l a t i o n s h i p , we had l o t s of downright 'I hate you' f i g h t s . I d i d n ' t l i k e her man. She s t i l l says t h i n g s to me, that she doesn't l i k e what I'm doing, but i t ' s not as earthshaking i f she doesn't approve of a d e c i s i o n I make. m. Endurance over time We knew each other's f a m i l i e s . There i s a l e v e l of understanding that i s n ' t there with newer f r i e n d s . We knew what each other was l i k e back then. To get v a l i d a t i o n from someone who doesn't know you j u s t r i g h t now. That's r e a s s u r i n g . 74 Our l i v e s have been very d i f f e r e n t . We've known each other f o r t y - o n e years. Yet when we get together, i t ' s l i k e we'd never been apart - - a bond. She had s c a r l e t fever and was quarantined. I gave her a l l my comic book s - - f i f t y - - k n o w i n g they would have to be burned, but that she had to l i e i n bed f o r a long time. That was a great s a c r i f i c e at e i g h t years o l d . We have supported each other through so many t h i n g s . Almost h a l f of the s u b j e c t s i n t h i s study i d e n t i f i e d the q u a l i t y of t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s as an i n d i c a t o r of t h e i r s e l f -a c t u a l i z a t i o n . They d e s c r i b e d q u a l i t y i n terms that corresponded to those that d e s c r i b e these mutual r e l a t i o n s h i p s , ( i . e . , being cared f o r and c a r i n g f o r ; l o v e ; intimacy; being i n v o l v e d with o t h e r s ; s t e a d f a s t n e s s ; l o y a l t y ; a c c e p t i n g each other u n c o n d i t i o n a l l y ; not competing; being myself with f r i e n d s ) . Hence, t h i s s i x t h category of mutual r e l a t i o n s h i p s as f a c i l i t a t o r s suggests that the means of s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g and the end ( s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n ) may be the same, or at l e a s t i n e x t r i c a b l y i n t e r r e l a t e d . The i n t e r v i e w e r observed evidence of M u t u a l i t y i n the manner i n which the s u b j e c t s responded to her r e f l e c t i o n s and probes. To v a r y i n g degrees, they were w i l l i n g to p a r t i c i p a t e with her i n mutual e x p l o r a t i o n of t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s and t h e i r s i g n i f i c a n c e . T h i s o b s e r v a t i o n supports the notion that M u t u a l i t y may be not only a dimension of f a c i l i t a t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p s , but that i t i s an aspect of being s e l f -a c t u a l i z e d . Although t h i s type of study does not r e v e a l the r e l a t i v e importance of the s i x f a c i l i t a t i n g c a t e g o r i e s , r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n t h i s s i x t h category were d e s c r i b e d with a r i c h n e s s of d e t a i l and 75 an enthusiasm that suggested t h e i r s p e c i a l s i g n i f i c a n c e f o r s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . Our f r i e n d s h i p was probably the most important t h i n g in her l i f e as w e l l . She respected i t . I t never took second p l a c e to anything. I l i k e d t h a t . I respected her. I t taught me that f r i e n d s h i p with a woman i s very s p e c i a l , very important. A l o t of respect f o r other women. A wanting that kind of connection with other women. I t ' s too easy when a man comes i n t o the p i c t u r e f o r the connection between women to d i s s o l v e , at l e a s t t e m p o r a r i l y . I t taught me that I l i k e that strong connection and that I have a r i g h t to expect i t , and I do and I have developed a few of those f r i e n d s h i p s i n my l i f e as a r e s u l t of t h a t . That's r e a l l y neat. R e l a t i o n s h i p s with women c o n t r i b u t e to a very d i f f e r e n t sense of self-im a g e , a d i f f e r e n t part of us. This s p e c i a l s i g n i f i c a n c e i s c o n s i s t e n t with Buber's (1965) concept of the 'I--Thou' r e l a t i o n s h i p as the f u l l e s t e x p r e s s i o n of humanness: For the inmost growth of the s e l f i s not accomplished, as people l i k e to suppose today, i n man's r e l a t i o n s h i p to h i m s e l f , but i n the r e l a t i o n s h i p between the one and the other, between men, that i s , pre-eminently i n the m u t u a l i t y of the making p r e s e n t - - i n the making present of another s e l f and i n the knowledge that one i s made present i n h i s own s e l f by the o t h e r — t o g e t h e r with the m u t u a l i t y of acceptance, a f f i r m a t i o n and c o n f i r m a t i o n . (p. 71) The emergence of t h i s s i x t h category i s a l s o c o n s i s t e n t with G i l l i g a n (1982) who observed that women's values are based in r e l a t i o n s h i p s and community, and regarded the e t h i c of care as more h i g h l y evolved than the i n d i v i d u a l achievement e t h i c that c h a r a c t e r i z e s p a t r i a r c h a l western s o c i e t y . These s i x c a t e g o r i e s form a continuum of s u b j e c t -f a c i l i t a t o r involvement from d i s t a n t to c l o s e . In I n s p i r a t i o n , the s u b j e c t observes the f a c i l i t a t o r . In A f f i r m a t i o n , the 76 f a c i l i t a t o r approaches the s u b j e c t . In Challenge, the f a c i l i t a t o r d i r e c t s the s u b j e c t . F i n a l l y , i n M u t u a l i t y , the s u b j e c t and f a c i l i t a t o r become interchangeable p a r t i c i p a n t s . In l i g h t of t h i s o b s e r v a t i o n , and s i n c e I n s p i r a t i o n and A f f i r m a t i o n are subsumed by Challenge, and M u t u a l i t y o p t i o n a l l y subsumes a l l the other c a t e g o r i e s , i t seems that the c a t e g o r i e s are i n t e r r e l a t e d . There may be a developmental p r o g r e s s i o n or e v o l u t i o n from I n s p i r a t i o n and A f f i r m a t i o n through Challenge to M u t u a l i t y . In M u t u a l i t y , the means merge with the end, s i g n i f y i n g the f i n a l stage i n the p r o g r e s s i o n . One important v a r i a b l e that i s not i n c o r p o r a t e d i n t o the c a t e g o r i z a t i o n scheme i s i n t e n s i t y . An I n s p i r a t i o n a l r e l a t i o n s h i p experience might be more in t e n s e , or s a l i e n t than any other r e l a t i o n s h i p experience f o r a p a r t i c u l a r i n d i v i d u a l . T herefore i n t e n s i t y would i n c r e a s e the impact ( p o s i t i v e or negative) of the r e l a t i o n s h i p but i t would not make an I n s p i r a t i o n a l r e l a t i o n s h i p the equal of a Mutual r e l a t i o n s h i p i n t h e i r f a c i l i t a t i v e e f f e c t s . That i s , i n t e n s i t y would not make these two c a t e g o r i e s e q u i v a l e n t . C. CHARACTERISTICS OF THE MODELS Many of the 17 s u b j e c t s were i n s p i r e d by models, who they p e r c e i v e d to be more a c t u a l i z e d than themselves in some aspect. Since the s u b j e c t s are female and i n a h e l p i n g p r o f e s s i o n , i t i s i n t e r e s t i n g to examine the extent to which t h e i r models embody the n u r t u r i n g q u a l i t i e s t r a d i t i o n a l l y a s s o c i a t e d with women. Some models (about 20%) d i d r e v e a l these q u a l i t i e s . The f o l l o w i n g exemplify some of the "feminine" d e s c r i p t o r s from the 77 Bern Sex-Role Inventory (1974): Warm A grandmother who "was able i n a r e a l l y r e l a x e d way to have l o t s of f r i e n d s . I saw l o t s of women f r i e n d s coming over. She had a l a r g e V i c t o r i a n house, rambling, c h a o t i c , very comfortable. There were l o t s of people coming through .... She was very t o l e r a n t . Her k i d s a l l seemed to come back. There was a l o t of coming and going. They r e a l l y l i k e d to be around her because she was very easy going. They would be welcomed. She would make noodles". S e n s i t i v e to the needs of others A f r i e n d who "does a l o t of t h i n g s with her husband to keep a common bond going between them as they grow o l d e r . She a c t u a l l y g i v e s i n , puts out energy, has learned how to give i n a r e l a t i o n s h i p i n order to maintain a common i n t e r e s t " . Understanding Another grandmother whose "understanding and acceptance of my parents' s e p a r a t i o n , given her f e e l i n g s about marriage and what she had gone through," i n s p i r e d the s u b j e c t . " I t flew i n the face of some of her deepest values and she s t i l l c o u l d accept them and love them both and d i d and accepted them i n t o her home." Compassionate A mother who " r e a l l y had a hard time that I was going, to marry t h i s person she d i d n ' t f e e l was the r i g h t person. She was upset. I s a i d 'I'm doing i t anyway', and when she r e a l i z e d t h a t , she j u s t l e t go of i t ; she was j u s t r e a l l y l o v i n g . She always cared about him. She j u s t opened her heart up. When we d i v o r c e d , i t was, 'How sad f o r the two of you!' None of t h i s , 'I t o l d you so! He was a j e r k ! How c o u l d he do t h i s to you?' That was her c h a r a c t e r . She s t i l l r e c e i v e s him in her home." Other models (about 50%) who i n s p i r e d these s u b j e c t s more 78 c l e a r l y embodied the competency t r a i t s t r a d i t i o n a l l y a s s o c i a t e d with men. Again, a p p l y i n g Bern's (1974) d e s c r i p t o r s , some examples f o l l o w : S e l f - r e l i a n t A grandmother who "had a value system which meant that she would endure p a r t l y and make the best of i t , l i v e up to her vows. That was very important to her. She had loved t h i s man and i t was up to her to do her job and have a good l i f e and t h a t ' s what she d i d . " A mother-in-law "who's d e a l t with l o s i n g her v i s i o n . I've been f i l l e d with admiration and r e s p e c t . I t ' s a h o r r i b l e t h i n g f o r her. I've been i n f l u e n c e d by her a b i l i t y to put that i n t o p e r s p e c t i v e . She flew across the country with two d i f f e r e n t shoes because she hadn't seen the d i f f e r e n c e . You co u l d see the expres s i o n s go acr o s s her face of embarrassment, l o s s , anger at her own s t u p i d i t y , anger at circumstances, momentary hurt that everyone was laughing, and then grasping that they thought she had done i t f o r a joke, not laughing at her d i s a b i l i t y . I t a l l whizzed by on her face, and then she grinned and s a i d , 'Well, I needed a new p a i r of shoes and you were t a k i n g me shopping anyway.' her a b i l i t y to j u s t f l i p that one over when she c o u l d have wallowed i n i t and i t would have stopped her from the very process that I b e l i e v e s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n i s . I t was a good cause f o r being depressed, hurt, angry, and she r e f u s e d to l e t i t do t h a t . " A daughter with a f a c i a l deformity who t o l d her mother that "the boys put my coat down the sewer, and when I went down to get i t , they put the l i d on i t . I knew i f I t r i e d to get out, I'd j u s t get f r u s t r a t e d and they'd never l e t me out. I j u s t sat i n there and s t a r t e d s i n g i n g because I remembered you t e l l i n g me that i f you looked l i k e you were having a l o t of fun, people would want to be with you. And p r e t t y soon they opened the l i d to see what I was doing and I ignored them. I d i d n ' t pay any a t t e n t i o n . I went on s i n g i n g and they went away." A f r i e n d who " r e a l l y t r i e d to l i v e by s p i r i t u a l p r i n c i p l e s . I t wasn't easy. She fought her pe r s o n a l 79 b a t t l e s over her own weaknesses. She had to f i g h t p art of her own nature to be what she was. She had to exert s e l f - d i s c i p l i n e ; she had to subjugate part of h e r s e l f . " A mother who "went through radium therapy. Talk about l o s s of s e l f - r e s p e c t , f e e l i n g of s e l f - w o r t h , a b i l i t y to cope. It was St. P a t r i c k ' s Day and she took a shamrock and taped i t to the base of her spine. So when the X-ray came out f o r the medical s t a f f .... She's very C h r i s t i a n . Her b e l i e f and her humour saved her. I t gave me a r e a l i z a t i o n about the h e a l i n g of y o u r s e l f with y o u r s e l f . " S e l f - s u f f i c i e n t A mother who "had a law degree and then went i n t o n u rsing and then t e a c h i n g . She r e t r a i n e d three times when o b s t a c l e s r e q u i r e d i t . When she had to work, she worked as a chambermaid, cle a n e d t o i l e t s . That was f i n e . Work i s work. You do i t when you have to and then you t r y f o r something b e t t e r . " W i l l i n g to take a stand A mother who "wasn't about to be a b s o l u t e l y obedient to a husband who was not suppo r t i n g her c h i l d r e n . She had the s t r e n g t h to say, 'No, t h i s i s going to k i l l me i f I stay i n , ' and she f i n a l l y separated. I see str e n g t h i n her g e t t i n g through what she went through in an i n t a c t kind of way. When they f l e d , she was eighteen, with a new i n f a n t , and bombs were dropping and she was t e r r i f i e d . They would h i t the d i t c h e s . She'd put me down and my s i s t e r , age two, on top of me and she would l i e on top of us. She was bound and determined that i f we got h i t , t h e r e weren't going to be any c h i l d r e n l e f t to s t a r v e or with nobody to look a f t e r them. That kind of s t r e n g t h i n women; not women who've had i t easy, but women who've had to r e a l l y p i t c h i n p h y s i c a l l y j u s t to keep a l i v e . And then with e n o t i o n a l , p s y c h o l o g i c a l , s p i r i t u a l s t r e n g t h to keep the whole t h i n g from f a l l i n g a p a r t , to keep the f a m i l y u n i t i n t a c t although e v e r y t h i n g ' s wiped out." Independent 80 A grandmother who "recognized she would be unable to continue keeping a home on her own, looked at her f i n a n c i a l c a p a b i l i t i e s and recognized that the town where she grew up di d n ' t have a nur s i n g home. So she donated money to have one b u i l t to her s p e c i f i c a t i o n s , and which room would be hers. When the home was b u i l t , she moved back i n t o i t , and to her dying day, I'm sure she f e l t she ran the p l a c e . I'm sure she drove the s t a f f c r a z y . It was her i d e n t i f y i n g , ' I f I can't be i n my own home, I w i l l c r e a t e a circumstance that w i l l be r i g h t f o r me.' I loved the way she made d e c i s i o n s and followed through on them at an age when my p e r c e p t i o n was she should have been taken care o f . " Ambitious A fourteen year o l d daughter who "always does t h i n g s on her own; gets the cat a l o g u e s and decides what courses she's t a k i n g , plans f o r the next three years, does what she wants, sets out what she's going to do." I n d i v i d u a l i st i c A f r i e n d who "does not care what anybody e l s e does. Right now she i s l i v i n g by h e r s e l f i n a cabin i n the middle of the Arkansas h i l l s . She keeps a shotgun and a four-wheel d r i v e truck and i s a si n g e r with three albums. She was j u s t l i k e t h a t i n high s c h o o l , and I thought, 'My God, what i s t h i s ? ' when I f i r s t met her because she d i d n ' t f i t any s t e r e o t y p e . She f a s c i n a t e d me." A piano teacher who "was an o l d e c c e n t r i c ; d i f f e r e n t , strange, not l i k e anyone I knew; g r u f f - - t e a c h e r s had permission to be g r u f f . She was a model that you co u l d be d i f f e r e n t . " Strong p e r s o n a l i t y A grade s i x teacher who "was a very dramatic person, i n t e n s e . She c e r t a i n l y knew who she was. She had a very strong c h a r a c t e r . She got very e x c i t e d about t h i n g s . She was f u l l of l i f e and energy. She may have overwhelmed some k i d s . I was enchanted by t h a t . U s u a l l y teachers were low-key, motherly. She was q u i t e a d i f f e r e n t type of woman. She was q u i t e secure 8 1 about who she was and she d i d n ' t care i f anyone judged her f o r being emotional, dramatic. That impressed me--that she wasn't concerned about what other people thought." Makes d e c i s i o n s e a s i l y An o l d e r s i s t e r who "was able to u t i l i z e a l o t of d i f f e r e n t s i d e s of h e r s e l f . I was impressed that she c o u l d move i n t o d i f f e r e n t c a r e e r s . She d i d n ' t f e e l l i m i t e d or have to s t i c k to one t h i n g , not make ch o i c e s or changes. I t was a r e a l i z a t i o n of not being locked i n . You c o u l d take one t h i n g and then do something e l s e . You d i d n ' t have to t i e y o u r s e l f down. " A f r i e n d who "managed to made a choice that astounded me. She was able to make d e c i s i o n s much f a s t e r and know who she was and what she was good a t . Having a very accurate idea of what your c a p a b i l i t i e s are and being able to recognize i t and match i t up. I was f a s c i n a t e d by t h a t . " A grandmother: " R e a l i z i n g a woman can do a b i t of e v e r y t h i n g comes from her. She was very t a l e n t e d a r t i s t i c a l l y and d i d t h i n g s l i k e t a k i n g up wheel throwing in her e i g h t i e s . So I had a sense you c o u l d not only do p r e t t y w e l l what you put your mind to, but i t doesn't r e a l l y matter how o l d you are. There's no l i m i t . If i t seemed neat, she would j u s t g i v e i t a w h i r l . " A c o l l e g e f r i e n d who "met somebody and decided that she was going to l o s e her v i r g i n i t y . I t was a c a l c u l a t e d d e c i s i o n on her p a r t , and a l s o that she d i d care about him. I ' l l always remember that I was impressed that she decided that she was going to accept her c h o i c e . Just the way she d e a l t with i t ; i t wasn't j u s t , ' I t ' s going to happen." A n a l y t i c a l An aunt who i s "well-educated, knows what's going on i n the world." 82 A f r i e n d who "knew her way around t h i n g s . She knew the ropes, she was smart. She had a w o r l d l i n e s s , a cocky way of walking." "She was so b r i g h t , n a t u r a l , easy. She knew so much. She was a lady p r o f e s s o r . " A f r i e n d who " l i v e s her l i f e . She's i n t e l l e c t u a l l y very sound; love of l e a r n i n g ; very p o l i t i c a l ; l i t e r a r y background." A f r i e n d who "could c o n t r i b u t e i d e a s . She had some knowledge. She had the education and I d i d n ' t . Somebody who was r e a l l y t h i n k i n g and b r i g h t and using her a b i l i t i e s . " F o r c e f u l "She was an a n t h r o p o l o g i s t . She was s t e e l grey-h a i r e d , l a t e s i x t i e s , Jewish, m a r v e l l o u s l y centered, funny, s t r o n g , i n t e l l i g e n t , b r i g h t . She l e c t u r e d to four or f i v e hundred of us. She was very powerful." A s s e r t ive A f r i e n d who "was a very c o l o u r f u l c h a r a c t e r , not a t y p i c a l s o c i a l worker. She stood up and t a l k e d and argued to the male d o c t o r s . " Aggressive A f r i e n d who "was a very s p e c i a l woman. She was so bo l d . She stood up. She'd thrown out her t h i r d husband. She was a l l bedecked and c o o r d i n a t e d and gorgeous and d r i v i n g a very expensive Volvo, and we went i n t o a parking l o t and you couldn't park there, and she s a i d to the guy, ' I t ' s miserable weather, I'm depressed and I ' l l damn w e l l park where I want to park,' and she took o f f . She got away with t h a t . " 83 Defends own b e l i e f s A f r i e n d who has that haughty (I don't know whether i t ' s European or j u s t a c t u a l i z e d woman) ... They get away with i t . She's t i n y and she stands up to her t a l l , arrogant, bossy, noisy, i n t e l l e c t u a l husband and they have these i n c r e d i b l e s p a r r i n g matches." Other models (about 30%) r e f l e c t e d a blend of competency and nurturance t r a i t s , or they d e f i e d t h i s dichotomy: A daughter i n h o s p i t a l a f t e r surgery: "The woman in the double room with her f e l l out of bed. Both were hooked up to intravenus u n i t s . She got out of bed and helped t h i s woman up and leaned on the buzzer t i l l the nurses came. How s e l f l e s s of her! How marvellous of her to do something l i k e t h a t ; to be so o u t s i d e of h e r s e l f that she c o u l d help somebody!" A c o l l e g e p r e s i d e n t who "expanded the concept of going to school as p a r t of a committment to humanity. That r e a l l y impressed me, made me s t a r t to see myself i n r e l a t i o n to o t h e r s . " A grandmother in her e i g h t i e s : "I wanted her to h o l d my daughter, and she s a i d no, she was a f r a i d she'd drop her. I c o u l d n ' t b e l i e v e i t . She was so competent, had r a i s e d her own f a m i l y ; but she recognized her l i m i t a t i o n s , had respect r a t h e r than demanding having the baby." A s u p e r v i s o r whose " f a i t h was r e a l l y evident i n how she l i v e d , how she d e a l t with s t a f f , c l i e n t s , t h e i r f a m i l i e s . R e s i d e n t i a l programs are e m o t i o n a l l y demanding, heavy-duty. She would f l o a t through these t h i n g s . She'd know people can take care of themselves. You do what you can. She d e a l t with i n c r e d i b l e s i t u a t i o n s , e m o t i o n a l l y d r a i n i n g t h i n g s . " A f r i e n d who " l e f t her marriage because there was someone e l s e . J u st knowing her and her p e r s o n a l i t y : i t was huge f o r her. She wants everyone to be okay, and yet not to that degree that you l o s e y o u r s e l f . I value that - not to make i t n i c e f o r e v e r y b o d y — i t ' s 84 your own l i f e . She p u l l e d her l i f e together and brought her son back to l i v e with her. Making tough d e c i s i o n s . Facing t h i n g s and doing them. Not making anyone out to be bad. She t a l k s about her ex-husband with respect and adm i r a t i o n . " There were a number of s t r i k i n g women who were very important to me. They p u l l e d together to make the program work; were d e d i c a t e d to i t ; gave t h e i r time and energy i n a way t h a t ' s hard to do with other committments. To set as i d e as much time as they d i d s p e c i f i c a l l y to work with me - they couldn't have done that unless they f e l t a committment to me p e r s o n a l l y and b e l i e v e d I c o u l d do the the job they they h i r e d me to do. A grade four teacher who "provided a r o l e model of nurturance, and yet of someone who was r i g h t and knew t h i n g s . " A mother f i g u r e who's "always i n t e r e s t e d i n me i n terms of what are young people t h i n k i n g of these days. Exchanging ideas, t h i n k i n g , examining, c u r i o s i t y that she nurtures when I'm with her. She r e a l l y wants to know what I'm t h i n k i n g and she's a person who's continued to t h i n k . " A woman " i n her e i g h t i e s who has a sense of humour, a f a i t h i n t h i n g s u n f o l d i n g . She does that with her own death that she's g e t t i n g c l o s e t o . I t ' s a moving on to the next. She's so j o y f u l . That u l t i m a t e l y there's something i n what happens that I need and that w i l l a c t u a l l y be b e t t e r f o r me i n the long run. Pleasure in people. Not judging anybody. Being n a t u r a l l y c u r i o u s about how t h i n g s are l i k e they a r e . " An o l d e r woman who "had come from c o n c e n t r a t i o n camp. She had a r o t t e n b a s t a r d of a husband. She l i v e d t i l l the l a s t second of her l i f e . She loved having fun. She was l i k e a k i d . I never knew a d u l t s to show that s i d e . She'd make a p a r t y , laugh, dance and be happy. An i r r e p r e s s i b l e t h i n g . " 85 An aunt who had "a f i r m b e l i e f in l i f e , an a p p r e c i a t i o n of t h i n g s , not having to make th i n g s happen. A c c e p t i n g . She s t i l l enjoys h e r s e l f and i s s t i l l i n v o l v e d i n her l i f e in her e i g h t i e s . She s t i l l t r a v e l s and does t h i n g s and experiences t h i n g s . S t i l l l e a r n i n g . " Judging from t h e i r models, these career women a s p i r e d to a s s e r t themselves and to achieve without, however, denying t h e i r f e e l i n g s f o r o t h e r s . T h i s i n t e r p r e t a t i o n i s c o n s i s t e n t with Spence and Helmreich (1978) who found that women Phd. s c i e n t i s t s , p a r t i c u l a r l y a sample of h i g h l y a c h i e v i n g s o c i a l p s y c h o l o g i s t s , were overrepresented i n the Masculine and Androgynous c a t e g o r i e s and underrepresented i n the Feminine category of t h e i r Personal A t t r i b u t e s Q u e s t i o n n a i r e (Spence, Helmreich & Stapp, 1974). Bakan (1966) proposed "agency" (a sense of s e l f manifested in s e l f - a s s e r t i o n , s e l f - p r o t e c t i o n and s e l f - e x p a n s i o n ) and "communion" (implying s e l f l e s s n e s s , a concern with others and a d e s i r e to be at one with other organisms) as c o e x i s t i n g p r i n c i p l e s that c h a r a c t e r i z e a l l l i v i n g organisms to some degree, r a t h e r than as b i p o l a r o p p o s i t e s (as has been the t r a d i t i o n a l conception of m a s c u l i n i t y and f e m i n i n i t y ) . The t r a d i t i o n a l c o n c e p t i o n , then, i s a f a l s e dichotomy. Bakan maintained that these fundamental modes of e x i s t e n c e must be balanced i f the i n d i v i d u a l was to s u r v i v e . Block (1973) t h e o r i z e d that at Loevinger's (1966) Autonomous stage of ego development ( i n which the s e l f - c o n c e p t becomes more c l e a r l y a r t i c u l a t e d and attempts are made to i n t e g r a t e the c o n f l i c t i n g aspects of s e l f ) , the i n d i v i d u a l 86 becomes aware of values and p r e d i s p o s i t i o n s that depart from t r a d i t i o n a l s e x - r o l e e x p e c t a t i o n s and must r e c o n c i l e these c o n t r a d i c t o r y elements. At the highest I n t e g r a t e d stage, men's and women's s e x - r o l e i d e n t i t i e s i n c l u d e an i n t e g r a t i o n of both masculine and feminine, that i s , agentic and communal t r a i t s and v a l u e s ; t h e i r s e x - r o l e d e f i n i t i o n s are androgynous. Block's theory i m p l i e s that i n d i v i d u a l s who f a i l to develop or to i n t e g r a t e s u c c e s s f u l l y i n t o t h e i r sense of s e l f both a g e n t i c and communal a t t r i b u t e s w i l l not reach the highest stage of ego development. Hence, the value these women as s i g n to both 'agency or competency and communion or nurturance seems c o n s i s t e n t with t h e i r being s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g . D. HINDERING RELATIONSHIPS The 17 s u b j e c t s d e s c r i b e d only 35 r e l a t i o n s h i p s that had hindered or d e t r a c t e d from t h e i r s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g processes. T h i s i s an inadequate number from which to d e r i v e r e l i a b l e c a t e g o r i e s . However the f o l l o w i n g i s a b r i e f d e s c r i p t i o n of the four themes that emerged: 1. DISILLUSIONMENT. The subject f e l t r e p e l l e d by a negative model or d i s i l l u s i o n e d when a negative aspect of a  f a c i l i t a t o r was r e v e a l e d . The negative models were mothers and aunts with whom the s u b j e c t s had i n v o l u n t a r y r e l a t i o n s h i p s : She d i d n ' t have the c o n f i d e n c e . She was insecure i n terms of her e x p r e s s i o n . 87 I saw her as p r e t t y p a s s i v e . She was i n the background, subordinate, submissive. I d i d n ' t have much resp e c t f o r her. There was a d i s s a t i s f a c t i o n there and yet these same women encouraged t h e i r daughters to get married. She's the black sheep of the f a m i l y . She couldn't s t i c k with anything and she's probably an a l c o h o l i c . In the same v e i n , the s u b j e c t s were d i s i l l u s i o n e d by the behaviour of peers with whom they had had intense r e l a t i o n s h i p s . I c o uldn't understand what she saw i n the man she married. I t r e a s u r e d the r e l a t i o n s h i p as the most neat f r i e n d s h i p i n the world, heard i t r e c i p r o c a t e d , and then found out l a t e r that I was being used. I was very intense with her f o r a short p e r i o d of time, very i n t i m a t e . She allowed the man I was in v o l v e d with to seduce her. I don't f o r g i v e her per s o n a l b e t r a y a l . There was no respect f o r me. The event s h a t t e r e d me, d i d something fundamental to me, changed something i n my head, rocked me. I got boundaries. I s t a r t e d to separate. I stopped t r y i n g to merge. I c e l e b r a t e d my d i f f e r e n t n e s s . Some of these negative models may have s t i m u l a t e d the su b j e c t s to a v o i d emulating them by choosing d i f f e r e n t ways of being, and, hence, c o u l d be regarded as i n d i r e c t l y f a c i l i t a t i v e . 2. REJECTION. The su b j e c t f e l t unsupported, c r i t i c i z e d or  r e j e c t e d by an a u t h o r i t y f i g u r e or another admired person.  Unsupported 88 Not wanting to deal with my problems. She hindered my academic c a r e e r ; she cut o f f funds. She d i d n ' t want to hear anything negative about what was going on. We never d i s c u s s e d anything that had any f e e l i n g c o ntent. I got s i c k and she never came to v i s i t . I f e l t pressure from her to be d i f f e r e n t . I end up f e e l i n g I'm not doing i t r i g h t . I'm not good enough fo r her. C r i t i c i z e d I ' l l never f o r g e t the harsh sternness and c r i t i c a l o v e r b e a r i n g nature of that woman. Her conveying f o r many years her disappointment , that I c o u l d have done a l o t b e t t e r than I had. S h e ' l l put me down i n l i t t l e ways. There was a l o t of j e a l o u s y on her pa r t of me moving on. L o t s was f i n e u n t i l I got a man that was important and then she s t a r t e d having a l l kinds of problems with me. I t was l i k e when I got my f i r s t b o y f r i e n d at home. I had never had a f i g h t with my 8 9 mother t i l l then. I t was the f i r s t disagreement, c l a s h . My mother was my best f r i e n d t i l l then at seventeen when I s t a r t e d r e s i s t i n g her. I f e l t I wasn't good enough the way I was, yet t h i s woman kept wanting to be my f r i e n d , and I knew i t was bad f o r me. I was depressed, f r u s t r a t e d , confused. I couldn't get r i d of her. I wasn't l i s t e n e d t o . I would end up f e e l i n g manipulated. She s a i d I wouldn't give enough. I ended up f e e l i n g I had no comprehension of what r e a l f r i e n d s h i p was. I couldn't l i v e up to her e x p e c t a t i o n s . I f e l t r e a l l y r egressed, l e s s sure of myself, l e s s able to have f r i e n d s , that there was something the matter with me. I"m s t i l l mad because I f e e l duped, deceived, manipulated. I blame her that, i t d i d n ' t work. I s u f f e r e d a l o s s of i d e n t i t y . My cente r was gone. Rejected I'm s o r r y I d i d n ' t have a mother who r e a l l y wanted me--that would have been n i c e . She became more f r i e n d s with an o l d e r g i r l e v e n t u a l l y and that hurt me. Another woman became more s p e c i a l to her. She was c l o s e and ended up my arch enemy. She was more experienced than me. She got a b o y f r i e n d and I got s i c k and went to the h o s p i t a l . She never came to v i s i t . Then a f r i e n d t o l d me her b o y f r i e n d had moved i n t o my room. I was devastated. I s t i l l f e e l a sense of l o s s over our p a r t i n g of the ways. She got i n t o men e a r l i e r than I d i d . They took over her l i f e and there was no room l e f t f o r anyone who wasn't i n t o the same space. 90 3 . DEPENDENCE. The su b j e c t f e l t c o n t r o l l e d by someone or powerless i n a r e l a t i o n s h i p . She would be needy and I would nurture her. I would get wiped out a f t e r a while, at which poin t she would s t a r t n u r t u r i n g me, but she would a l s o get c r i t i c a l when I was v u l n e r a b l e . I wouldn't be able to see that I would, f e e l worse because of t h i s c r i t i c i s m when I was u n c e r t a i n and l o o k i n g f o r support. I a l s o saw her as having i t more together, being s t r o n g e r . She would make judgments about me that made me f e e l incompetent, underdeveloped. I cou l d n ' t see that was happening. She was c o n t r o l l i n g , so I stayed needy. I wouldn't see her and then f e e l g u i l t y and c a l l and the same th i n g would happen a l l over a g a i n . I t was strange, very i n t e n s e , more than I'd had except with a man. I wasn't used to opening up with people, so I di d n ' t know what'didn't f e e l r i g h t . The f e e l i n g of c l o s e n e s s and i n t e n s i t y was so a d d i c t i v e . It d i d n ' t matter so much whether I f e l t good or bad. I f e l t more r e a l when I f e l t p a i n . It caused her- and me a l o t of problems when I moved away. I f e l t I was b e t r a y i n g her. I merged i n t o a l o t of her ways. As I got e v e r y t h i n g so I was n i c e and f u l l and round and complete, and then s t a r t e d to s t i c k my own neck out there, she r e s i s t e d having to separate. She l i k e d having me under her t u t e l a g e . We would c l a s h . I was always t i e d to her. I f e l t g u i l t . She's the only one I'm not a s s e r t i v e with. I'm a d i f f e r e n t person when I'm around her. She's q u i t e powerful e m o t i o n a l l y . I n s i d e I'm mincing my words, a l i t t l e b i t t i p t o e i n g around. I don't even do that with my mother. I t changed from mentor to mother and that was the bad part and I hold her r e s p o n s i b l e . She should have known. 4. COMPETITION. The su b j e c t compared h e r s e l f with someone  and f e l t unsure of h e r s e l f . These r e l a t i o n s h i p s were u s u a l l y with o l d e r s i s t e r s . Some sub j e c t s saw competition as d e t r a c t i n g from t h e i r s e l f -c o n fidence, and yet as s t i m u l a t i n g them to achieve: She c o u l d do th i n g s so w e l l . I f e l t l i m i t e d i n that I c o u l d never do anything as w e l l as she c o u l d and so e a s i l y . So I had to f i n d out what c o u l d I do and I 91 wanted to f e e l d i f f e r e n t . Other competitive r e l a t i o n s h i p s with s i s t e r s had become i n c r e a s i n g l y t o x i c and f r u s t r a t i n g for the subj e c t over the year s . She sees me as she d i d when I was ei g h t - as d i f f i c u l t , emotional; a person who i s n ' t r e l a x e d . I'm di s a p p o i n t e d in her because I adored her f o r years and followed her around and i d o l i z e d her and then she got inv o l v e d with t h i s man who I thought was an a s s h o l e . The f i r s t three themes are c o n s i s t e n t with Caplan's (1981) b a r r i e r s between women: the f i r s t with d e v a l u a t i o n of women, and the second and t h i r d with p e r c e p t i o n s of women as n u r t u r e r s l e a d i n g to u n r e a l i s t i c e x p e c t a t i o n s of nurturance from women f r i e n d s and rage when these are d i s a p p o i n t e d . The l a s t theme, comp e t i t i o n , r e c a l l s Kennedy's (1976) r e f e r e n c e to " h o r i z o n t a l h o s t i l i t y " : I t ' s women's sense of t h e i r own lack of worth that makes s i b l i n g r i v a l r y and h o r i z o n t a l h o s t i l i t y so easy. If you have a sense of your own worthlessness, then somebody e l s e from your c l a s s ... i s c l e a r l y not to be looked up t o . (p. 87) E. RELATIONSHIPS WITH MOTHERS Almost a l l of the s u b j e c t s d e s c r i b e d t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers as having impacted on t h e i r s e l f -a c t u a l i z a t i o n . These bonds seemed to be st r o n g and enduring. For example: I d i d n ' t separate u n t i l my m i d - t h i r t i e s a f t e r my d i v o r c e when I r e a l i z e d I loved my f a m i l y . I'd been a p i g and hadn't recognized a l o t of p o s i t i v e t h ings 92 they'd done f o r me. She got operated on f o r cancer. I was v i o l e n t l y i l l . I was so c l o s e to her. I d i d n ' t want anything to happen, so I would take away some of the p a i n . At my wedding she s t a r t e d having s k i n cancer growths on her arm. She was so upset at what I was g e t t i n g i n t o . She d i d n ' t want me to leave home. I t was very important to her that I be there, and that wasn't what I wanted, and I knew I hurt her very much when I l e f t . That u m b i l i c a l cord i s s t r o n g . My mother at seventy-three can get me going with one chord i n her v o i c e over one missed post. Six women d e s c r i b e d t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers as f a c i l i t a t i v e , 6 as h i n d e r i n g , and 11 as both f a c i l i t a t i v e and h i n d e r i n g . One of the themes that was mentioned by s e v e r a l s u b j e c t s was that of f e e l i n g s p e c i a l i n t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers. I'm the baby of the f a m i l y . I was very s p o i l e d . I had a very easy c h i l d h o o d - ove r l o v e d , o v e r p r o t e c t e d . My mother had two boys ahead of me who d i e d at b i r t h . They t o l d her she c o u l d never have another c h i l d . I r e a l l y f e e l I was a very l o v e d , d e s i r e d c h i l d and probably s p o i l e d r o t t e n . She would hol d me and say, 'You're my l i t t l e ray of sunshine!' When I came home from u n i v e r s i t y , she would always make me f e e l so important - there would be the smell of soup and she'd have cream p u f f s from the bakery that I lo v e d . I've always f e l t very s p e c i a l with her, ever s i n c e I was a k i d . I remember that she used to be the one who'd take me to s p e c i a l events. The other times someone e l s e would look a f t e r me, but she would come in f o r s p e c i a l o c c a s i o n s . A f e e l i n g of being s p e c i a l around her. I remember i t very v i v i d l y - she brought me a f u r hat, dressed me up l i k e her d o l l . We'd go out f o r the day and have t o r t e s , c h o c o l a t e , t e a . I was l i t t l e . I was very s p e c i a l . 93 T h i s f e e l i n g may be a r e s u l t of the mother's e f f o r t s to prepare and encourage her daughter to achieve, as Margaret Mead (1972) understood i t i n her autobiography: In school I always f e l t that I was s p e c i a l and d i f f e r e n t , set apart in a way that could not be a t t r i b u t e d to any g i f t I had, but only to my b a c k g r o u n d — t o the education given me by my grandmother and to the e x p l i c i t academic i n t e r e s t s of my parents. I f e l t that I had to work hard to become par t of the l i f e around me. But at the same time I searched f o r a greater i n t e n s i t y than the world around me o f f e r e d and speculated about a c a r e e r . At d i f f e r e n t times I wanted to become a lawyer, a nun, a w r i t e r , or a m i n i s t e r ' s wife with s i x c h i l d r e n . Looking to my grandmother and my mother for models, I expected to be both a p r o f e s s i o n a l woman and a wife and mother. (p. 85-86) Farber (1984) has i d e n t i f i e d f e e l i n g s p e c i a l as c h a r a c t e r i s t i c of mental h e a l t h p r o f e s s i o n a l s , ( i . e . , these s u b j e c t s ) . He noted that they tend to have backgrounds that l e a d them to experience a s p e c i a l sense of i s o l a t i o n and heightened awareness of inner events. Often they report notable i n c i d e n t s i n t h e i r childhoods that make them f e e l d i f f e r e n t , which then motivates them to pursue mental h e a l t h c a r e e r s . He a l s o p o i n t e d out that the e v o l u t i o n of i n t r o s p e c t i v e c a p a c i t i e s d u r i n g c h i l d h o o d f a c i l i t a t e s e n t ry i n t o the f i e l d and i s i t s e l f r e i n f o r c e d by performing . psychodynamically o r i e n t e d psychotherapy. The p r a c t i c e of psychotherapy serves to r e a c t i v a t e e a r l y experiences, memories and emotions c o n t i n u a l l y , f e e l i n g s that may help s u s t a i n t h e r a p i s t s ' c u r i o s i t y and involvement i n t h e i r own problems. He concluded that the d i f f i c u l t i e s and rewards that stem from s e n s i t i v i t y , i n t r o s p e c t i o n and p s y c h o l o g i c a l mindedness are embedded in the 94 whole f a b r i c of the t h e r a p i s t s ' l i v e s . T h i s p e r s p e c t i v e on the s u b j e c t s as p s y c h o l o g i s t s p r o v i d e s a context f o r understanding t h i s sense of s p e c i a l n e s s and the importance they a t t r i b u t e to the p s y c h o l o g i c a l impact on them of t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers. F e e l i n g s p e c i a l was seen as f a c i l i t a t i v e i n the f o l l o w i n g examples: These s t o r i e s (of her mother's heroism on her b e h a l f ) are important i n terms of keeping that spark of 'I'm s p e c i a l ' a l i v e . I've learned to take a hold of that sense of d i f f e r e n c e and turn i t i n t o something s p e c i a l , r a t h e r that l e t t i n g i t suck me down and destroy me. There came a time when I was very d i f f e r e n t and that spark of 'I'm s p e c i a l ' was very necessary to s u r v i v e being d i f f e r e n t , because t h a t ' s not a n i c e f e e l i n g . Using i t f o r , r a t h e r than a g a i n s t myself. That kind of f i g h t adds to my courage. I learned to be courageous by doing what I had to do. She t o l d me she b o i l e d my d i a p e r s and sent my younger bro t h e r ' s out. I d e f i n i t e l y got the message from a very e a r l y age that they always wanted a g i r l and prayed f o r a g i r l and got me. Maybe t h a t ' s where I get a l l my nerve. The subject c i t e d above then r e v e a l e d some ambivalence about f e e l i n g s p e c i a l . I was t r e a t e d s p e c i a l . In my (extended) f a m i l y g i r l s were s p e c i a l , p r e c i o u s , f r a g i l e , needed to be taken care o f . A two-edged sword: s p e c i a l but put-down because they need a l l these s p e c i a l t h i n g s . For others, s p e c i a l n e s s i m p l i e d e x p e c t a t i o n s that were f a c i l i t a t i v e : I f e l t that I was somebody s p e c i a l . That had a funny e f f e c t on the other s i d e because you expect to be t r e a t e d s p e c i a l l y i n some ways, but you a l s o f e e l you 95 s h o u l d do c e r t a i n t h i n g s . I was t h e o l d e s t . A l o t o f e x p e c t a t i o n s were p u t on me i n a way t h a t i n v o l v e d t r u s t - ' Y o u ' r e g o i n g t o make i t , ' - so n o t a p u s h . My m o t h e r a l w a y s had a f e e l i n g she was someone s p e c i a l a n d came f r o m a s p e c i a l f a m i l y . So I h e a r d a l o t a b o u t h e r f a m i l y . The message I r e c e i v e d was, ' I f y o u r e a l l y want t o do s o m e t h i n g , y o u c a n do i t . Y o u ' r e c a p a b l e and you c a n do i t - w h a t e v e r i t i s y o u want t o do.' I had f e e l i n g s t h a t I am c a p a b l e of d o i n g a l o t more t h a n what I'm d o i n g . I n t h a t s e n s e , ( h e r f e e l i n g o f ) s p e c i a l n e s s w o u l d a p p l y t o me. L i p m a n - B l u m e n and L e a v i t t ( 1 9 7 6 ) have i d e n t i f i e d v i c a r i o u s ' a c h i e v e m e n t p a t t e r n s a s c h a r a c t e r i s t i c of women who a r e n o t s o c i a l i z e d t o d i r e c t m a s t e r y o f t h e i r e n v i r o n m e n t s , and who t h e r e f o r e p r o j e c t t h e f u l f i l l m e n t o f t h e i r own a c h i e v e m e n t n e e d s o n t o t h e a c c o m p l i s h m e n t s o f an i n d i v i d u a l w i t h whom t h e y have e s t a b l i s h e d s t r o n g a f f i l i a t i v e b o n d s , i n t h e s e c a s e s t h e i r d a u g h t e r s . A l t h o u g h L i p m a n - B l u m e n and L e a v i t t a p p l i e d t h i s c o n c e p t t o women's r e l a t i o n s h i p s w i t h t h e i r h u s b a n d s , t h e s e s u b j e c t s ' m o t h e r s p e r h a p s r e f l e c t e d t h e i r a w a r e n e s s o f t h e e x p a n d i n g o p p o r t u n i t i e s f o r women i n t h e i r i n v o l v e m e n t w i t h t h e i r d a u g h t e r s i n t h i s p a t t e r n . She was s u p p r e s s e d , n o t e n c o u r a g e d o r a l l o w e d t o f o l l o w t h e k i n d o f e n e r g y o r a b i l i t y she h a d , so t h e r e was a l o t o f e n c o u r a g e m e n t , p r e t t y c o n s t a n t s u p p o r t . M o t h e r ' s b e l i e f t h a t I c o u l d do a n y t h i n g . She e n c o u r a g e d me i n t e r m s o f some t h i n g s I seemed t o be i n t e r e s t e d i n d o i n g l i k e p l a y i n g t h e p i a n o . P l a y i n g p i a n o was one o f t h e t h i n g s she w o u l d h a v e l i k e d t o h a v e done. She r e a l l y w a n t e d me t o s t i c k w i t h n a t u r a l s c i e n c e s a n d be a d o c t o r . What she s a y s now i s i f she had i t 96 to do over again, she would have done math and sc i e n c e s . Although these maternal e x p e c t a t i o n s were c o n s i d e r e d by the s u b j e c t s as u l t i m a t e l y f a c i l i t a t i v e , some women a l s o r e v e a l e d tendencies to "mother blaming" ( P e r c i v a l , 1983), perhaps as a r e s u l t of t h e i r f a m i l i a r i t y with psychodynamic l i t e r a t u r e . My mother saw i n me what she would have l i k e d to have been - I was going to do the t h i n g s that she had wanted to do. I was going to l i v e out her fantasy.- I think I had a sense of that even at the time - that she was having a c e r t a i n v i c a r i o u s achievement through me and so she d i d encourage me to go on. Her dream was being an academic. She got married i n s t e a d of going to s c h o o l . She once had a s c h o l a r s h i p to study at the Sorbonne and she c o u l d have done i t too. I'm g l a d I was able to complete my education and get something which i s more than she d i d . I toyed with being a doctor, but I chickened out; I t a l k e d myself out of i t . I s a i d , 'I'm j u s t going to get married and have k i d s ' . She decided her g i r l s weren't going to be as badly o f f as she was. If they ran i n t o t r o u b l e , they would be a l o t s t r o n g e r , would be prepared. We t a l k e d about i t i n the l a s t ten years. She s a i d maybe she had overdone i t i n toughening us up, not g i v i n g us enough s o f t n e s s , g e n t l e n e s s . She would demand we do c e r t a i n t h i n g s l i k e going on the bus by o u r s e l v e s to our grandmother's. She was teaching us to be independent, s e l f - r e l i a n t . What I wasn't given was the a b i l i t y to nurture myself, to temper that g o a l - s e t t i n g with s o f t n e s s . Other daughters experienced t h e i r mother's e x p e c t a t i o n s as more h i n d e r i n g than f a c i l i t a t i v e : She had high e x p e c t a t i o n s f o r me. I'm not r e a l l y q u i t e sure what they were. I don't know what she expected me to be. I was supposed to be a model of some k i n d . I wasn't supposed to do the wrong t h i n g s . I t was l i k e s e t t i n g a mold f o r me to f i t i n t o . You must get e x t e r n a l permission before you do something. That's been h i n d e r i n g f o r me. 97 My mother's hopes f o r me were r e a l l y u n r e a l i s t i c . She used t o . t a l k about me being a concert p i a n i s t and I was r e a l l y a k l u t z at the piano. I thin k the exp e c t a t i o n s were too high. I was so nervous. I had to overcome a l l that before g e t t i n g down to what can I r e a l l y do - not f a n t a s i z i n g l i k e me mother. I was expected to make e x c e l l e n t grades i n school and be neat and t i d y and stay out of the way. I was not allowed to have any weaknesses, flaws, or concerns or worries - I was to be p e r f e c t . She was ma n i p u l a t i v e , hidden, d i s c o u r a g i n g independence, not l e t t i n g me develop a separate i d e n t i t y , so I l e p t from t h e i r bed to the marriage bed. I t took me so long to get past i t . I resent t h a t . I t r e s u l t e d in a d i l e t t a n t i s h approach to career because I d i d n ' t f e e l good about myself. Even more h i n d e r i n g seemed to be the s u b j e c t s ' experiences of f a i l i n g to meet t h e i r mothers' e x p e c t a t i o n s : I know she's seen me as not a success. Her conveying for many years her disappointment, that I c o u l d have done a l o t b e t t e r than I d i d . Constant put-downs. I couldn't do anything, I couldn't t h i n k , I couldn't be, I was ugly, I was d e t e s t a b l e . When I would complain about something, she'd say, 'You're too s e n s i t i v e ! ' What r e a l l y hurt me was when she s a i d , 'You're f a t , sloppy and l a z y j u s t l i k e your aunt,' (Her s i s t e r ) and I knew i t was u n f a i r . Whenever I asked f o r something she would say, 'Don't be greedy!' I t d i d n ' t happen o f t e n because I'm the kind of person who q u i c k l y q u i t s a s k i n g . That's been a r e a l handicap f o r me i n my l i f e . 98 I n c r e d i b l e d i s a p p r o v a l . Making sure you d i d the r i g h t t h i n g . She bragged about me to the world and to me she disapproved of most of what I d i d . Very p e r f e c t i o n i s t i c . The data c o l l e c t e d i n t h i s study r e l a t i n g to mother-daughter bonds r e f l e c t an ambivalence on the part of the s e l f -a c t u a l i z i n g daughter that i s c o n s i s t e n t with Caplan (1981) who has suggested that the mother's s i m i l a r i t y to the daughter gives r i s e to a double bind f o r the daughter because her d e s i r e to emulate her mother c o e x i s t s with a d e s i r e to a v o i d mother's devalued and c o n s t r i c t e d s o c i a l r o l e . F. SELF-ACTUALIZATION WITHOUT HOMOSOCIALITY The study was framed i n such a way as to focus on women's f a c i l i t a t i v e and h i n d e r i n g experiences in t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with other women. Other s i g n i f i c a n t experiences were not d i r e c t l y addressed by the r e s e a r c h e r . However, i n s p i t e of the framework p r o v i d e d , 6 of the 23 s u b j e c t s s a i d that r e l a t i o n s h i p s with women had not f a c i l i t a t e d t h e i r s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g p rocesses. Instead, they a t t r i b u t e d i t to t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with men, t h e i r s p i r i t u a l i t y , or t h e i r own independent e f f o r t s . These women responded to the intervie w q u e s t i o n s by d e s c r i b i n g t h e i r f a i l e d r e l a t i o n s h i p s with other women, which they c o n s i d e r e d e i t h e r h i n d e r i n g or i r r e l e v a n t to t h e i r s e l f -a c t u a l i z a t i o n . They d e s c r i b e d t h e i r s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g processes as: I've f e l t more s e l f - a c t u a l i z e d when I was working and being i n v o l v e d with other people. Being i n v o l v e d in a la r g e p r o j e c t , d i r e c t i n g i t a l l . That has some meaning. 99 Th i n k i n g of where I am understanding of myself, accept my p o t e n t i a l s and denying i t ? And what do I them? I have c h o i c e s . I them. That's the way I person. in my own growth and How much more am I able to d e f i c i e n c i e s , r a ther than do.once I have i n s i g h t i n t o can leave them be or change see myself growing as a F e e l i n g good about what I'm doing and c o n f i d e n t . Learning and f o c u s s i n g on what I can do, what nourishes me. Being i n c o n t r o l of your own l i f e and t r y i n g to develop your i n t e r e s t s . To me, s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n means independence, l e a r n i n g not to r e l y on other people very much because... they would j u s t stand i n your way. Using my a b i l i t i e s , my b r a i n s . Thus, they seemed to c o n c e p t u a l i z e t h e i r processes, l i k e Maslow (1954), as s e l f - d i r e c t e d . (One of the women s a i d that s e l f -a c t u a l i z a t i o n i s a s p i r i t u a l concept. "We're not aware of our p o t e n t i a l . " ) T h e i r experience i s documented i n the form of b r i e f person-c e n t e r e d case s t u d i e s that r e v e a l t h e i r d i v e r s i t y , r a t h e r than in the r e l a t i o n s h i p - c e n t e r e d form a p p l i e d to the more e x t e n s i v e and c o n s i s t e n t c a t e g o r i z e d data provided by the other 17 s u b j e c t s . The s i x women are assign e d f i c t i t i o u s names i n order to a s s i s t the reader i n d i s t i n g u i s h i n g them from one another. Pa t r i c i a I can't say that I had anybody over the years who has been p a r t i c u l a r l y encouraging or f a c i l i t a t i n g i n that regard. I've had men be more that way. Women i n 100 general have not. P a t r i c i a ' s parents valued education h i g h l y and she f e l t the pressure of being compared with her ol d e r brother i n terms of academic achievement. Her mother and her grandmother had encouraged her i n t e l l e c t u a l development, but her mother had competed with her at u n i v e r s i t y and was em o t i o n a l l y c l o s e r to her b r o t h e r . "I grew up somewhat m i s t r u s t f u l of women and expecti n g competition as a r e s u l t of not having a great r e l a t i o n s h i p with her. I t has c o l o u r e d my i n t e r p r e t a t i o n s of s i t u a t i o n s I've been i n . I'm d i s t r u s t f u l of women i n a working s i t u a t i o n . I've always been c o m p e t i t i v e as a r e s u l t of my r e l a t i o n s h i p with her." T h i s woman has always sought high-p r o f i l e jobs and found her c o l l e a g u e s to be co m p e t i t i v e , u n h e l p f u l , heavy-handed, e g o c e n t r i c , untrustworthy. She d e s c r i b e d one as "more f o r c e f u l than a l o t of the men". She d e s c r i b e d one su p p o r t i v e f r i e n d who became co m p e t i t i v e when she was surpassed. She was discoura g e d : "I hated to l o s e a f r i e n d I was fond o f . " Mary I can only think of one woman t h a t ' s helped me. If you'd asked me about men, now that would have been a d i f f e r e n t s t o r y . I t makes me t h i n k , what kind of r e l a t i o n s h i p s do I have with women because I have a l o t of good female f r i e n d s . Mary d e s c r i b e d a c r i t i c a l domineering grandmother who t e r r i f i e d her. She perceived, her mother as s u b t l y c o n t r o l l i n g and p u n i s h i n g with her and as p r o v i d i n g ambiguous e x p e c t a t i o n s . She f e e l s she f a i l e d and d i s a p p o i n t e d her mother because she 1 0 1 d i d n ' t f u l f i l l the t r a d i t i o n a l female r o l e . Her mother punished her f o r her c h i l d h o o d temper tantrums and approved only of her c a r e g i v i n g to her s i c k l y b r o t h e r . She compared her f e a r f u l mother contemptuously to her aunt who t r u s t e d her son with more freedom than Mary was given. L i k e P a t r i c i a , Mary f e l t compared with her brother in terms of academic achievement, which had a de v a s t a t i n g impact on her. She s a i d b i t t e r l y , "I'm s c r a t c h i n g my head f o r the women who should have helped me accept my past". She d e s c r i b e d three a d u l t experience with women. F i r s t , a female doctor who was a u t h o r i t a r i a n and upset with her diso b e d i e n c e . Second, a f r i e n d who had modeled and encouraged a b s t r a c t t h i n k i n g , i n t e l l e c t u a l growth and independence a few years ago, but who she was concerned would have d i f f i c u l t y r e l a t i n g to her now. F i n a l l y , she had two cousins who accepted and confirmed her ideas to a c e r t a i n p o i n t , but who she b e l i e v e d would be c r i t i c a l of some of her behaviour, i f she were to d i s c l o s e i t . E l a i n e There were o b v i o u s l y people along the way somewhere who helped me, but I must admit I can't think of very many women and I can't think of very many men f o r that matter e i t h e r , except that I would have to a t t r i b u t e a l o t to my husband and to one male i n s t r u c t o r who r e a l l y b e l i e v e d i n me and that I could do something r e a l l y great and I accomplished because of a b e t t e r self-image and a f e e l i n g that I was capable of more than even I thought I was. He asked me to do t h i n g s for him, encouraged me. E l a i n e ' s mother f e l t she came from a s p e c i a l f a m i l y and had f a n t a s i e s and ambitions that she never accomplished. Nevertheless she encouraged her daughter to marry r a t h e r than 1 0 2 going to u n i v e r s i t y . The subj e c t m i s t r u s t e d the messages: "I think she f e l t she had to t e l l us we should be home because I think she d e f i n i t e l y d i d not f e e l s a t i s f i e d or content". She d i s t a n c e d h e r s e l f from her mother: "There was no way I would ever want to model my l i f e a f t e r her because I d i d n ' t t h i n k her l i f e was p a r t i c u l a r l y good". She then s a i d , "I can think of many, many women that I t o l d myself I wouldn't want to be l i k e " (women without c a r e e r s o u t s i d e the home). She d e s c r i b e d c h i l d h o o d c o m p e t i t i o n with a female c o u s i n i n terms of academic achievement and her f e e l i n g of a v e r s i o n f o r t h i s woman as an a d u l t . R e l i g i o u s f a i t h was an important element for t h i s woman and she s a i d that part of her s e l f -a c t u a l i z i n g process was to t e l l h e r s e l f she d i d n ' t have to compete with anyone. She s t r u g g l e d and overcame f e e l i n g s of disappointment about her o l d e s t daughter not meeting E l a i n e ' s e x p e c t a t i o n s f o r her. She d e s c r i b e d a female p r o f e s s o r who was understanding and encouraging, n o t i n g that "those t h i n g s are h e l p f u l , but they don't make any d i f f e r e n c e to my g o a l s " . She spoke of two r e l a t i o n s h i p s with female c o l l e a g u e s c h a r a c t e r i z e d by mutual sh a r i n g , understanding, intimacy, honesty, rapport, s i m i l a r i t y and freedom to d i s c l o s e , and she commented t e n t a t i v e l y that "there's probably some growth as a r e s u l t " . One of these r e l a t i o n s h i p s she sees as "a c h o i c e we make at that p o i n t " , threatened with d i s s o l u t i o n at one time by the envy of the c o l l e a g u e . Frances 1 03 There were very few women in my l i f e that r e a l l y had any i n f l u e n c e on me except my mother. Frances c o n s i d e r e d s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g to be a s p i r i t u a l e x p erience. She d e s c r i b e d her mother and h e r s e l f as l o v i n g , t o l e r a n t , a c c e p t i n g , and g i v i n g . However she s a i d she has a high i n t e r n a l locus of c o n t r o l and recounts h u r t i n g her mother very much by l e a v i n g home because that (home) wasn't what she wanted for h e r s e l f . As a g i r l she s a i d , she i d e n t i f i e d with men because she was more i n t e l l e c t u a l and she had g i r l f r i e n d s with whom she had that ( i d e n t i f i c a t i o n ) i n common. "We were the power group." She noted however that these g i r l f r i e n d s d i d n ' t i n f l u e n c e her. The one other woman who f a c i l i t a t e d her s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n was a s p i r i t u a l leader who i n c l u d e d her i n s t i m u l a t i n g group d i s c u s s i o n s and who modeled a love of humanity, a r e l a x e d manner, uniqueness, s u b t l e l e a d e r s h i p and an absence of anger. "I set her up on a p e d e s t a l and t r i e d to f o l l o w her example i n many ways. She was f u r t h e r developed s p i r i t u a l l y than any other person I knew. I knew she loved not j u s t me but everybody. I had the p r i v i l e g e of knowing her f o r a short time." Marnie I have women f r i e n d s of course and they're very dear to me, but they're not s e l f - a c t u a l i z e d . " Marnie d e s c r i b e d only her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother who never a c t u a l i z e d h e r s e l f , but who d e l i g h t e d i n her daughter's success. The subject a t t r i b u t e d her own s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n to her therapy (with a male t h e r a p i s t ) to overcome her mother's 1 0 4 way. She s a i d with some contempt that she had more nerve and determination than her mother d i d : "Ive wanted her to do i t because i t ' s such a neat t h i n g to do, but she won't. She doesn't have any sense that you can a c t u a l l y do what you want to do." Although she r e c e i v e d p r a i s e and support from her mother, she blamed her f o r her u n r e a l i s t i c a l l y high e x p e c t a t i o n s of her daughter which made Marnie nervous and took f i f t e e n years to overcome, because she "was not given a model f o r g e t t i n g what she wanted, for g e t t i n g past the h e l p l e s s n e s s " . Her mother was an a g g r e s s i v e , angry person, so Marnie looked to men f o r emotional support: "Mother d i d n ' t know how to support h e r s e l f so how c o u l d she support me?" She f e l t her f r i e n d s were unhappy because, l i k e her mother, "they haven't been able to a c t u a l i z e themselves" and she f e l t h e l p l e s s to do anything f o r them. I rene I have not r e a l l y looked to other women very much. I always f e l t I was going to march to a d i f f e r e n t drum— my drum. Irene d e s c r i b e d her mother i n glowing terms but "she was not a model f o r me" because she had assumed the t r a d i t i o n a l r o l e . She d e s c r i b e d a c h i l d h o o d f i l l e d with hard work f o r a l l the f a m i l y members and s a i d , "I think they were g l a d to see me (the e l d e s t c h i l d ) leave at f i f t e e n . I was always complaining about how b o r i n g i t was l i v i n g i n a small town". She a l s o admired her grandmother unreservedly, an outstanding community leader and member of the s o c i a l e l i t e , and says, "She and I were good f r i e n d s . I think she saw some p o t e n t i a l i n me". 1 05 Of her peers, she s a i d d i s d a i n f u l l y , "The young women I knew had j u s t decided they wanted to grab some guy and s e t t l e down and have babies. I j u s t thought they were s i l l y . I'm not very i n t e r e s t e d i n women although I've been q u i t e a c t i v e in h e l p i n g women's causes. I don't blame them; i t ' s a f a u l t of s o c i e t y . So I ' l l s t r u g g l e at that l e v e l to b e t t e r t h i n g s . " She r e p o r t e d being i n f l u e n c e d by women who were prominent in the world at the time she was growing up and d e s c r i b e d her cu r r e n t female f r i e n d s i n gen e r a l terms as w i t t y , b r i g h t , e n t e r t a i n i n g , i n t e r e s t i n g , s o p h i s t i c a t e d , independent, s e l f -s u p p o r t i n g , but s a i d she wasted a l o t of time l i s t e n i n g to t h e i r c h i t - c h a t . "Those of us who r e a l l y want to get on with t h i n g s have to av o i d these kinds of people." Irene presented t h i s i n f o r m a t i o n i n the form of a monologue. When the i n t e r v i e w e r asked her q u e s t i o n s about the homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s she had mentionned, she di s m i s s e d them in a few words and continued with her monologue. As a r e s u l t , the i n t e r v i e w e r came away with l i t t l e understanding or empathy for her. Irene's r e l u c t a n c e to s e l f - d i s c l o s e i n t h i s v o l u n t a r y i n t e r v i e w , i s perhaps c h a r a c t e r i s t i c of her i n her homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s . S t a i n e s , T a v r i s & Jayaratne (1974) have proposed the queen bee syndrome to e x p l a i n some women's lack of i d e n t i f i c a t i o n with t h e i r own sex. T h e i r personal success w i t h i n the ( p a t r i a r c h a l ) system (which the authors a t t r i b u t e to t h e i r having been co-opted, or rewarded by men f o r being c o o p e r a t i v e and 1 06 unthreatening) causes them to f e e l that they have unique q u a l i f i c a t i o n s that other women do not possess. They adopt t h i s i n d i v i d u a l e x p l a n a t i o n f o r t h e i r success because i t enhances t h e i r s e l f - e s t e e m . A l t e r n a t i v e l y , the data may be i n t e r p r e t e d by r e l a t i n g them to Lipman-Blumen (1976) who i d e n t i f i e d male homosocial t i e s as the b a s i s f o r the sex se g r e g a t i o n of s o c i a l i n s t i t u t i o n s , and Rawlings and Cart e r (1977) who co n s i d e r e d i d e n t i f i c a t i o n with the dominant group, or d e n i a l of membership i n own group to be a c l a s s i c a l ego defence of women aga i n s t t h i s d i s c r i m i n a t i o n . Rawlings and Ca r t e r saw t h i s manifested i n d e r i v i n g p l e a s u r e from t h i n k i n g l i k e a man and i n p r e f e r r i n g the company of men, and they p o i n t e d out that i t i s a s s o c i a t e d with in-group a g g r e s s i o n , ( i . e . , being c o m p e t i t i v e with other women, back-b i t i n g and g o s s i p i n g , p u t t i n g down other women). They c o n s i d e r e d i t "a mysterious phenomenon because women are h o p e l e s s l y barred from t o t a l a s s i m i l a t i o n , and yet they mentally i d e n t i f y with the outlook and p r e j u d i c e s of the male c u l t u r e toward women" (p. 18). To v a r y i n g degrees, these s i x women seem to exemplify t h i s d e n i a l of membership i n t h e i r own group. However, only the s i x t h , Irene, was e x p l i c i t about f e e l i n g she had unique q u a l i f i c a t i o n s that other women d i d not possess, as Sta i n e s et a l . (1974) p o s i t as the b a s i s f o r that d e n i a l . Instead these women share a d i f f e r e n c e i n t h e i r a c t u a l experiences with other women from those of the other 17 s u b j e c t s . Evidence of in-group a g g r e s s i o n dominates t h e i r 1 07 d e s c r i p t i o n s of t h e i r homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s . These data suggest that these negative experiences may set a p a t t e r n which becomes an ongoing s e l f - f u l f i l l i n g prophecy that shapes a l l t h e i r i n t e r a c t i o n s with women. The r o o t s of t h i s p a t t e r n are d e s c r i b e d i n the t h e o r i e s concerning the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p (Caplan, 1981; Chodorow, 1978; D i n n e r s t e i n , 1976; F l a x , 1978). Other f a m i l y members (such as the grandmother i n the case of Mary above) may r e i n f o r c e t h i s p a t t e r n and thereby f a c i l i t a t e i t s p e r p e t u a t i o n . Although these women are a m i n o r i t y of the sample in t h i s study, i t cannot be assumed that they represent a m i n o r i t y of the p o p u l a t i o n of s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g c a r e e r women. In the l e t t e r of i n i t i a l contact to the s u b j e c t s , the t o p i c of the study was i d e n t i f i e d as women's s o c i a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s with other women and t h e i r impact on women's s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . Sixteen of the women approached d e c l i n e d to p a r t i c i p a t e . The p r o p o r t i o n of these who co n s i d e r e d the t o p i c i r r e l e v a n t or who f e l t negative about i t , and who t h e r e f o r e were not motivated to p a r t i c i p a t e , may w e l l have been higher than the p r o p o r t i o n of those i n the group who d i d p a r t i c i p a t e . 108 V. DISCUSSION A. STATEMENT OF RESULTS The r e s u l t s of the study are presented in summary op p o s i t e the four research q u e s t i o n s i n i t i a l l y posed: Research Question #1 - Do s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n q c a r e e r women see  s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n in terms of independence or interdependence  or both? Most s u b j e c t s saw s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n i n terms of both independence or autonomy and interdependence, that i s , they saw autonomy and interdependence as complementary, rather than c o n t r a d i c t o r y concepts. When they were asked to d e f i n e t h e i r p e r s o n a l understandings of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n , four major themes emerged: 1. U t i l i z i n g c a p a b i l i t i e s and p o t e n t i a l i t i e s . 2. The importance of r e l a t i o n s h i p s . Almost h a l f of the women saw r e l a t i o n s h i p s as v i t a l , not only as a route to s e l f -a c t u a l i z a t i o n , but as an aspect of being s e l f - a c t u a l i z e d . 3. S e l f - d i s c o v e r y . 4. The e l a t i o n and s a t i s f a c t i o n experienced i n the s e l f -a c t u a l i z i n g p rocess. Maslow's (1954) d e f i n i t i o n of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n i n v o l v e s f u l l y f u n c t i o n i n g , l i v i n g an enr i c h e d l i f e , d eveloping and u t i l i z i n g a l l of one's unique c a p a b i l i t i e s or p o t e n t i a l i t i e s , and being f r e e of both e x t e r n a l and i n t e r n a l i n h i b i t i o n s to that u t i l i z a t i o n . T h i s i s a h i g h l y autonomous c o n c e p t i o n . M i l l e r ' s (1976) d e f i n i t i o n - a c t i n g and r e a c t i n g out of one's own being -1 0 9 i m p l i c i t l y i n c o r p o r a t e s the c e n t r a l i t y of r e l a t i o n s h i p to and interdependence with others i n the phrase " a c t i n g and r e a c t i n g " , whereas Maslow's referen c e to e x t e r n a l i n h i b i t i o n s i m p l i e s that r e l a t i o n s h i p i s a th r e a t rather than a p o t e n t i a t i n g f a c t o r . The f i r s t theme i n these women's understandings of s e l f -a c t u a l i z a t i o n , u t i l i z i n g c a p a b i l i t i e s and p o t e n t i a l i t i e s , c l e a r l y echoes Maslow's (1954) d e f i n i t i o n p r o v i d e d by the i n t e r v i e w e r . The second, the importance of r e l a t i o n s h i p s , i s c o n s i s t e n t with M i l l e r ' s (1976) d e f i n i t i o n . The t h i r d and f o u r t h , s e l f - d i s c o v e r y and the a f f e c t i v e experience, are c o n s i s t e n t with both t h e o r i e s . Hence, a l a r g e p r o p o r t i o n of these s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g women see s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n c o n s i s t e n t l y with M i l l e r ' s (1976) a u t o n o m y - i n - r e l a t i o n s h i p r a t h e r than Maslow's (1954) independence-from-others. Research Question #2 - Do these women's homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s  f a c i l i t a t e t h e i r s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n ? Almost t h r e e - q u a r t e r s of the women intervi e w e d f e l t that t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with other women had f a c i l i t a t e d t h e i r s e l f -a c t u a l i z a t i o n . They d e s c r i b e d 133 of t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s that they f e l t had done so - an average of almost e i g h t r e l a t i o n s h i p s per s u b j e c t . (The range of number of f a c i l i t a t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p s they d e s c r i b e d was from four to fourteen per s u b j e c t . ) The one- quarter of women interviewed who s a i d that r e l a t i o n s h i p s with women had not f a c i l i t a t e d t h e i r s e l f -a c t u a l i z i n g processes c r e d i t e d i n s t e a d t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with 1 1 0 men, t h e i r s p i r i t u a l i t y , or t h e i r own independent e f f o r s . T h e r e f o r e i t appears t h a t , although these career women are by no means unanimous i n the relevance they a t t r i b u t e to t h e i r homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s , the m a j o r i t y do agree that these r e l a t i o n s h i p s have f a c i l i t a t e d t h e i r s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . Furthermore, the l a r g e number of f a c i l i t a t i v e homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s they d e s c r i b e and the r i c h n e s s of the i n c i d e n t a l d e t a i l they provide v a l i d a t e the importance of these r e l a t i o n s h i p s to these women's s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . Homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s appear to play an important r o l e in f a c i l i t a t i n g women's s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n f o r many (even a m a j o r i t y of) women, but they are not the only route to s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . Research Question #3 - For those c a r e e r women whose homosocial  r e l a t i o n s h i p s do f a c i l i t a t e t h e i r s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n , what are  the c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s of these r e l a t i o n s h i p s which seem to be  f a c i l i t a t i v e ? The c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s or dimensions of these r e l a t i o n s h i p s were i d e n t i f i e d by grouping the r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n t o s i x c a t e g o r i e s and then d e f i n i n g the r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n each category i n terms of the s i g n i f i c a n t c h a r a c t e r i s t i c behaviours and experiences d e s c r i b e d by the s u b j e c t s . The s i x c a t e g o r i e s a re: 1 . I n s p i r a t i o n . The subject i s i n s p i r e d by a model who she p e r c e i v e s to be more a c t u a l i z e d than h e r s e l f i n some aspect. The model i s u s u a l l y an o l d e r , more experienced woman whose behaviour the subject i s a t t r a c t e d t o, approves o f, admires or 111 a s p i r e s ' t o . The impact of the r e l a t i o n s h i p s i s i n terms of the model's observed behaviours rather than the i n t e r a c t i o n between the model and the s u b j e c t . The models' behaviours most c o n s i s t e n t l y r e f l e c t the competency ( p o p u l a r l y termed "masculine") t r a i t s - - t h e models are s e l f - r e l i a n t , s e l f - s u f f i c i e n t , ambitious, a n a l y t i c a l , f o r c e f u l , a s s e r t i v e , a g g r e s s i v e , make d e c i s i o n s e a s i l y , defend t h e i r own b e l i e f s , and have strong p e r s o n a l i t i e s . However, a s i g n i f i c a n t number of other models r e f l e c t e d a blend of competency and nurturance t r a i t s (warm, s e n s i t i v e to the needs of others, understanding, compassionate) that d e f i e d the t r a d i t i o n a l c o n ception of m a s c u l i n i t y and f e m i n i n i t y as b i p o l a r o p p o s i t e s . 2. Af f i rmat i o n . The subject f e e l s a p p r e c i a t e d , a f f i r m e d , accepted, respected, t r u s t e d or loved by the f a c i l i t a t o r . T h i s f a c i l i t a t o r i s u s u a l l y an a u t h o r i t y f i g u r e and/or the a f f i r m a t i o n takes p l a c e when the s u b j e c t i s i n a time of need, s t r e s s or v u l n e r a b i l i t y . The impact of the r e l a t i o n s h i p s i s i n terms of the one-way communication from the f a c i l i t a t o r to the s u b j e c t . T h i s category i n c l u d e s the l a r g e s t number of r e l a t i o n s h i p s as w e l l as being subsumed w i t h i n the four remaining c a t e g o r i e s . Hence, i t seems b a s i c to most f a c i l i t a t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p s . 3 . I n s p i r a t i o n & A f f i r m a t i o n . T h i s i s a combination category that r e p r e s e n t s r e l a t i o n s h i p s which r e f l e c t both of the preceding f a c i l i t a t i v e dimensions. L i k e those i n the preceding c a t e g o r i e s , these r e l a t i o n s h i p s impact u n i d i r e c t i o n a l l y from f a c i l i t a t o r to s u b j e c t . They form a separate category as a 1 1 2 r e s u l t of the procedure of s o r t i n g a l l the r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n t o r e p l i c a b l e c a t e g o r i e s , but they do not r e f l e c t a t h i r d dimension. 4 . Challenge. The f a c i l i t a t o r guides, a d v i s e s , pushes, q u e s t i o n s , c o n f r o n t s , c o r r e c t s or reproaches the s u b j e c t , thereby prompting her to re-examine and change her behaviour i n a d i r e c t i o n that proves to be s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g . T h i s type of f a c i l i t a t i o n occurs only i n the context of an e s t a b l i s h e d r e l a t i o n s h i p c h a r a c t e r i z e d by A f f i r m a t ion (Category 2 ) . The impact of the r e l a t i o n s h i p s i s a l s o u n i d i r e c t i o n a l . However, the f a c i l i t a t o r r i s k s i n t e r v e n i n g more a c t i v e l y i n the s u b j e c t ' s process i n order to r e d i r e c t i t . Hence, there i s a greater degree of involvement on the part of the f a c i l i t a t o r with the s u b j e c t . 5. I n s p i r a t i o n , A f f i r m a t i o n & Challenge. T h i s i s another combination category that r epresents r e l a t i o n s h i p s which r e f l e c t a l l the preceding f a c i l i t a t i v e dimensions. L i k e the t h i r d category, i t does not r e f l e c t a new dimension. The r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n t h i s category are c h a r a c t e r i z e d by much i n t e r a c t i o n over an extended p e r i o d of time. Hence, they are profoundly f a c i l i t a t i v e . 6. M u t u a l i t y . The s u b j e c t p a r t i c i p a t e s i n a mutual r e l a t i o n s h i p c h a r a c t e r i z e d by (any combination of) s i m i l a r i t y , love, intimacy, openness, empathy, mutual dependence, c a r i n g , s e c u r i t y , joy, growth, non-competitiveness, acceptance of c o n f l i c t and endurance over time. The r e l a t i o n s h i p s o f t e n a l s o r e f l e c t some or a l l of the preceding f a c i l i t a t i v e dimensions. 1 1 3 The p a r t i c i p a n t s i n these r e l a t i o n s h i p s are u s u a l l y peers. The impact of the r e l a t i o n s h i p s i s b i d i r e c t i o n a l , that i s , both p a r t i c i p a n t s give and r e c e i v e f a c i l i t a t i o n . Mutual r e l a t i o n s h i p s were d e s c r i b e d i n terms s i m i l a r to those the s u b j e c t s had used to d e s c r i b e the q u a l i t i e s of r e l a t i o n s h i p s that they b e l i e v e d c o n s t i t u t e d an aspect of being s e l f - a c t u a l i z e d . The s u b j e c t s ' p e r c e p t i o n s of t h i s s i x t h category as i n t e r r e l a t e d with t h e i r s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n are c o n s i s t e n t with v a r i o u s t h e o r i s t s ' ideas about what c o n s t i t u t e s a "higher" or more "developed" r e l a t i o n s h i p (Buber, 1965; G e l l e r , 1982; G i l l i g a n , 1982). 1 1 4 A graphic r e p r e s e n t a t i o n of the model appears as f o l l o w s : INSPIRATION AFFIRMATION INSPIRATION & AFFIRMATION CHALLENGE (BASED ON AFFIRMATION) INSPIRATION & CHALLENGE (BASED ON AFFIRMATION) MUTUALITY These s i x c a t e g o r i e s form a continuum of s u b j e c t -f a c i l i t a t o r involvement from d i s t a n t to c l o s e . Moreover, they appear to form a p r o g r e s s i o n i n which A f f i r m a t i o n p r o v i d e s the b a s i s f o r Challenge, and I n s p i r a t i o n , A f f i r m a t i o n and Challenge may a l l be subsumed i n the s i x t h or u l t i m a t e category. The c a t e g o r i e s may then r e f l e c t a developmental p r o g r e s s i o n e i t h e r i n terms of r e l a t i o n s h i p m a t u r i t y , or i n terms of the 115 i n d i v i d u a l s ' l e v e l s of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n , or, most l i k e l y , an i n t e r a c t i o n of the two proces s e s . Experiences i n the former c a t e g o r i e s may be p r e r e q u i s i t e to a c h i e v i n g the p o t e n t i a l i t y f o r the l a t t e r c a t e g o r i e s . P r o g r e s s i o n through the c a t e g o r i e s was c l e a r l y r e v e a l e d by one subj e c t who d e s c r i b e d her r e l a t i o n s h i p s e x h a u s t i v e l y and s e q u e n t i a l l y from e a r l y c h i l d h o o d to the presen t . The suggestion that t h i s p r o g r e s s i o n occurs i s c o n s i s t e n t with E r i k s o n ' s (1963) l i f e stage theory i n which the c a p a c i t y f o r intimacy f o l l o w s the development of t r u s t , autonomy, i n i t i a t i v e , i n d u s t r y and i d e n t i t y , and with Egan's (1975) three stage model of c o u n s e l l i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s . Research Question #4 - What aspects ( i f any) of homosocial  r e l a i o n s h i p s hinder women's s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n ? The 17 s u b j e c t s d e c r i b e d almost four times as many f a c i l i t a t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p s as they d i d h i n d e r i n g ones, a r a t i o they f r e q u e n t l y e x p l a i n e d i n terms of t h e i r having simply d i s t a n c e d themselves from p o t e n t i a l l y h i n d e r i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s rather than a l l o w i n g them to have any impact. T h i s seems a noteworthy c o n t r a s t with the one-quarter of the women who emphasized t h e i r negative experiences in homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s . Perhaps t h e i r a b i l i t y to leave d e s t r u c t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p s behind i s one of the s i g n i f i c a n t c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s of women who s e l f - a c t u a l i z e through and i n r e l a t i o n s h i p s . However, four themes emerged i n the h i n d e r i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s they d i d d e s c r i b e which seem to p a r a l l e l and c o n t r a s t with the f a c i l i t a t i v e c a t e g o r i e s that were i d e n t i f i e d : 1. D i s i l l u s i o n m e n t . The su b j e c t f e l t r e p e l l e d by a negative model or d i s i l l u s i o n e d when a negative aspect of a f a c i l i t a t o r was re v e a l e d . 2. R e j e c t i o n . The subj e c t f e l t unsupported, c r i t i c i z e d or r e j e c t e d by an a u t h o r i t y f i g u r e or another admired person. 3 . Dependence. The subj e c t f e l t c o n t r o l l e d by someone or powerless in a r e l a t i o n s h i p . 4. Compet i t ion . The su b j e c t compared h e r s e l f with someone and f e l t unsure of h e r s e l f . Hence, s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g women seem able to recognize and leave h i n d e r i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s so that they do not p e r s i s t in impeding t h e i r s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . The one-quarter of the s u b j e c t s f o r whom homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s were h i n d e r i n g or i r r e l e v a n t to t h e i r s e l f -a c t u a l i z a t i o n d e s c r i b e d t h e i r processes in terms c o n s i s t e n t with Maslow (1954). Then they recounted h i s t o r i e s of f a i l e d r e l a t i o n s h i p s with other women, u s u a l l y s t a r t i n g with t h e i r mothers, which seemed to have set a p a t t e r n which became a s e l f -f u l f i l l i n g prophecy that shaped a l l t h e i r i n t e r a c t i o n s with women. B. SIGNIFICANCE OF THE STUDY 1. THEORETICAL SIGNIFICANCE These r e s u l t s suggest that r e l a t i o n s h i p s are indeed c e n t r a l l y important i n the l i v e s of s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g women—that t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s b r i n g meaning and d i r e c t i o n to t h e i r l i v e s — and that t h e i r homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n p a r t i c u l a r are 1 1 7 c r i t i c a l l y important. The f i n d i n g s imply that Maslow's (1954) theory, which has been r e l a t i v e l y unexamined i n re s e a r c h subsequent to h i s own, should be questionned. H is theory may be inadequate f o r understanding what c o n s t i t u t e higher l e v e l s of development f o r women and perhaps other m i n o r i t y groups in the sex-segregated s o c i a l s t r u c t u r e on which he based h i s work. S e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n theory may be i n need of f u r t h e r development based on understanding of t h i s broader c o n t e x t . P a t r i a r c h a l s o c i e t y has viewed women as the helpmates of t h e i r men p r o v i d i n g emotional and p h y s i c a l support. Heterosexual r e l a t i o n s h i p s have been the focus of a t t e n t i o n and have been i n v e s t e d with s p e c i a l s i g n i f i c a n c e . As a r e s u l t the importance of homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s has been dis c o u n t e d by both women and men (Bernard, 1976; Smith-Rosenberg, 1975). The women's movement has prompted women to re-examine t h e i r values and t h e r e f o r e to revalue themselves and, by ex t e n s i o n , other women. Being r e l a t i o n s h i p - o r i e n t e d , they have begun to want more s e l f - e n h a n c i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s and have begun to s h i f t from an e x c l u s i v e focus on one het e r o s e x u a l r e l a t i o n s h i p to a search f o r a broader range of r e l a t i o n s h i p s , a community, which w i l l support t h e i r m u l t i - f a c e t e d development as unique i n d i v i d u a l s . Women have i d e n t i f i e d with one another i n t h i s new stage of t h e i r e v o l u t i o n and have t h e r e f o r e begun to form some of t h e i r most s u p p o r t i v e bonds with one another. Recent f e m i n i s t l i t e r a t u r e has c e l e b r a t e d women's d i f f e r e n c e s from men, i n p a r t i c u l a r t h e i r g r e a t e r c a p a c i t i e s f o r 118 s i g n i f i c a n t and g r o w t h - f a c i l i t a t i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s , and has begun to d e f i n e a d i f f e r e n c e i n the nature of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n for women from the t r a d i t i o n a l male model that Maslow (1954) d e s c r i b e d , based on the s a l i e n c e of r e l a t i o n s h i p s f o r women. M i l l e r ' s (1976) very simple but eloquent d e s c r i p t i o n of t h i s new psychology of women s t r e s s e d t h i s c e n t r a l i t y of community--that women's e v o l u t i o n a r y process i s toward interdependence, r a t h e r than toward the independence so valued in sex-segregated s o c i e t y i n which "masculine" c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s and male ways of doing t h i n g s are most valued. The data c o l l e c t e d i n t h i s study provide some c o n f i r m a t i o n fo r M i l l e r ' s (1976) theory. The s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g women intervie w e d d e s c r i b e d numerous homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s that were f a c i l i t a t i v e i n v a r i o u s ways-. Viewed as a group, these women embody M i l l e r ' s (1976) concept of the e v o l u t i o n of a mu t u a l l y - s u p p o r t i v e interdependent community. In a d d i t i o n , the study has examined (by a n a l y s i s of many d e t a i l e d examples) the nature of f a c i l i t a t i v e homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s and has i d e n t i f i e d and d e s c r i b e d four b a s i c dimensions. These f i n d i n g s p rovide a b a s i s f o r beginning to understand e x a c t l y how the e v o l u t i o n of women i n community i s t a k i n g p l a c e . The weight of evidence p r o v i d e d by t h i s study, both in terms of the l a r g e p r o p o r t i o n of su b j e c t s who v a l i d a t e d the relevance of homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s by r e p o r t i n g t h e i r experience, and i n terms of the sheer volume of r e l a t i o n s h i p s that they d e s c r i b e d , suggests that M i l l e r ' s (1976) n o t i o n of 119 interdependence as the route to female s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n warrants f u r t h e r examination. I t i s apparent from the present study that some women, perhaps a m a j o r i t y , espouse a d i f f e r e n t model of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n f o r themselves than the autonomous one that Maslow (1954) has d e c r i b e d . The study a l s o provides evidence of the ego defences found in women as v i c t i m s of d i s c r i m i n a t i o n which r e l a t e n e g a t i v e l y to ho m o s o c i a l i t y i n women, c i t e d by Rawlings and C a r t e r (1977) and Caplan (1981). However, f o r the women in the study, negative r e l a t i o n s h i p s d i d not o b s t r u c t t h e i r s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . Instead, they moved away from such r e l a t i o n s h i p s . Those women who found t h e i r homosocial experience c o n s i s t e n t l y negative chose independent routes to s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . Hence, the study g i v e s evidence that the " h o r i z o n t a l h o s t i l i t y " (or i n -group aggression) that these authors see as one of women's r e a c t i o n s to t h e i r disadvantaged s t a t u s i n p a t r i a r c h a l s o c i e t y i s not p e r v a s i v e or i n e v i t a b l y i s o l a t i n g of women from one another. The f i n d i n g s i n regard to the one-quarter of women for whom homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s were h i n d e r i n g or i r r e l e v a n t seem to suggest that the popular concept of the queen, bee syndrome (St a i n e s et a l . , 1974) may be o v e r s i m p l i f i e d . Rather than i d e n t i f y i n g with men merely to enhance t h e i r s e l f - e s t e e m , these women may be seen to be the v i c t i m s of c o n s i s t e n t in-group aggression (Rawlings & C a r t e r , 1977), u s u a l l y beginning i n the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p . T h i s i n t r o p u n i t i v e response to d i s c r i m i n a t i o n s e t s a p a t t e r n that becomes an ongoing s e l f -1 20 f u l f i l l i n g prophecy that shapes a l l t h e i r i n t e r a c t i o n s with women. Hence, the data c o l l e c t e d in the study support a more profound understanding of t h i s phenomenon, from a p e r s p e c t i v e l e s s d i s t o r t e d by the ego defence i t s e l f . One of the women f o r whom homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s were h i n d e r i n g or i r r e l e v a n t gave informal feedback to the in t e r v i e w e r a f t e r reading S e c t i o n B of Chapter I V - - F a c i 1 i t a t i v e R e l a t i o n s h i p s . She s a i d she had f e l t sad when she read i t that she had missed the experiences with other women that the su b j e c t s d e s c r i b e d i n that s e c t i o n , and that she had r e a l i z e d that t h i s was due to her p r a c t i c e of mai n t a i n i n g t i g h t c o n t r o l of her homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s . The impact of the w r i t t e n m a t e r i a l on t h i s woman might be regarded as I n s p i r a t i o n a l in a manner s i m i l a r to that of Category 1 r e l a t i o n s h i p s . Since s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n i s the u l t i m a t e goal of c o u n s e l l i n g , i t would seem reasonable to expect a c l o s e r e l a t i o n s h i p between elements of both c o u n s e l l i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s and r e l a t i o n s h i p s that f a c i l i t a t e s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . Rogers (1951) i d e n t i f i e d three t h e r a p e u t i c a l l y - s i g n i f i c a n t f a c t o r s -U n c o n d i t i o n a l P o s i t i v e Regard, Congruence, and Empathy--that have been w e l l - e s t a b l i s h e d as the core of e f f e c t i v e c o u n s e l l i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s . A f f i r m a t i o n i s s i m i l a r to Rogers' (1951) U n c o n d i t i o n a l P o s i t i v e Regard i n that both i n v o l v e acceptance of the s e l f -a c t u a l i z e r or c l i e n t . However, A f f i r m a t i o n i s more a c t i v e than U n c o n d i t i o n a l P o s i t i v e Regard and a l s o more focused on the stre n g t h s of the s e l f - a c t u a l i z e r . A f f i r m a t i o n compares to 121 U n c o n d i t i o n a l P o s i t i v e Regard as a c t i v e l i s t e n i n g compares to communication. A f f i r m a t i o n a l s o o v erlaps with Rogers' (1951) Empathy s i n c e a c t i v e , focused A f f i r m a t i o n i m p l i e s a c curate understanding of the s e l f - a c t u a l i z e r ' s f e e l i n g s . I n s p i r a t i o n o v e r l a p s with Rogers' (1951) Congruence in that the congruent c o u n s e l l o r models self-awareness, e x p r e s s i o n of f e e l i n g s , s e l f - d i s c l o s u r e , spontaneity, c o n s i s t e n c y and non-d e f e n s i v e n e s s . However, I n s p i r a t i o n i n v o l v e s the modeling of a broader range of t r a i t s , beyond those d i r e c t l y r e l a t e d to r e l a t i o n s h i p development, p a r t i c u l a r l y the competency t r a i t s . Challenge a l s o o v e r l a p s with Rogers' (1951) Congruence in that the c o u n s e l l o r ' s genuine responses to the c l i e n t are seen to f a c i l i t a t e change. However, Challenge i n v o l v e s the f a c i l i t a t o r much more a c t i v e l y i n t e r v e n i n g in the s e l f -a c t u a l i z e r ' s process with the i n t e n t i o n of r e d i r e c t i n g i t . She r i s k s the r e l a t i o n s h i p when she i n v o l v e s h e r s e l f in t h i s powerful way with the s e l f - a c t u a l i z e r . F i n a l l y , M u t u a l i t y i n c o r p o r a t e s a l l three of Rogers' (1951) f a c t o r s , but i t i m p l i e s an e q u a l i t y between the the p a r t i c i p a n t s that i s by d e f i n i t i o n not a c h i e v a b l e in a c o u n s e l l o r - c l i e n t r e l a t i o n s h i p . M u t u a l i t y a l s o i m p l i e s a broader involvement in one anothers' l i v e s than c o u n s e l l i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s e n t a i l . Hence, although the dimensions of f a c i l i t a t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p s i d e n t i f i e d i n the present study are c o n s i s t e n t with the t h e r a p e u t i c a l l y - s i g n i f i c a n t f a c t o r s , they are a l s o somewhat d i f f e r e n t because they are a c t i v e l y d i r e c t e d towards involvement with the s e l f - a c t u a l i z e r i n the f a c i l i t a t i o n of her 122 proc e s s . The dimensions i d e n t i f i e d are a l s o c o n s i s t e n t with the gen e r a l q u a l i t i e s of f r i e n d s h i p i d e n t i f e d by La Gaipa (1977) and the dimensions of s o c i a l support found by Pearson (1982). The s o c i a l support l i t e r a t u r e (Davidson and Packard, 1981) suggests that good r e l a t i o n s h i p s with women f r i e n d s are t h e r a p e u t i c for women and t h e r e f o r e some o v e r l a p of the dimensions of f r i e n d s h i p with those dimensions that f a c i l i t a t e s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n would be expected. As with Rogers (1951), there i s some o v e r l a p between La Gaipa's (1977) f a c t o r s and the dimensions i d e n t i f i e d in t h i s study, but there are a l s o important d i f f e r e n c e s . A f f i r m a t i o n i s s i m i l a r to La Gaipa's (1977) Acceptance, P o s i t i v e Regard and Empathic Understanding, but i t i n c l u d e s the strong e r , more s p e c i f i c e x pressions of a p p r e c i a t i o n , respect and t r u s t that go beyond a c c e p t i n g to p r o v i d i n g the s e l f - a c t u a l i z e r with the confidence to u t i l i z e her p o t e n t i a l . I n s p i r a t i o n o v e r l a p s somewhat with La Gaipa's (1977) Strength of Cha r a c t e r , but i t i s much broader, i n c l u d i n g models of a range of t r a i t s , i n p a r t i c u l a r , the competency t r a i t s , that the s e l f - a c t u a l i z e r admires and a s p i r e s to emulate. Challenge corresponds only t a n g e n t i a l l y to La Gaipa's (1977) He l p i n g Behaviour. More c e n t r a l i s the idea of pushing, of d i r e c t i n g and r e d i r e c t i n g . F i n a l l y , M u t u a l i t y i n c o r p o r a t e s La Gaipa's (1977) S e l f -D i s c l o s u r e , A u t h e n t i c i t y and S i m i l a r i t y , but i t i s a more complex dimension. In p a r t i c u l a r , i t s more inte n s e elements of 123 sha r i n g , involvement, intimacy, c a r i n g , interdependence and joy are m i s s i n g from La Gaipa's (1977) f a c t o r s . Hence, i n a l l i t s dimensions, because of t h e i r p a r t i c u l a r combinations of elements and t h e i r emphases on a c t i v i t y , focus and involvement, the f a c i l i t a t i v e model i s more powerful i n i t s impact than i s La Gaipa's (1977) f r i e n d s h i p model. The f a c i l i t a t i v e dimensions are a l s o c o n s i s t e n t with the dimensions of s o c i a l support i d e n t i f e d by Pearson (1982). A f f i r m a t i o n i s s i m i l a r to Encouragement, Acceptance, Comfort, •Admiration and Love. I n s p i r a t i o n i s s i m i l a r to Example. Challenge o v e r l a p s with Guidance, Help, Knowledge, and Honesty. M u t u a l i t y i n c l u d e s Intimacy, Companionship and S a t i s f a c t i o n . As in the comparison with La Gaipa's (1977) f a c t o r s above, the f a c i l i t a t i v e dimensions are more a c t i v e , more focused, more i n v o l v i n g and hence, more powerful i n t h e i r impact than are Pearson's (1982) dimensions of s o c i a l support. Pearson (1982) c o n s i d e r e d the emergence of h i s S a t i s f a c t i o n category, ( d e f i n e d as 'pleasure d e r i v e d from being able to c o n t r i b u t e to another'), as s i g n i f i c a n t and u n a n t i c i p a t e d : E s s e n t i a l l y , t h i s category suggests that a l t r u i s m has s u p p o r t i v e value. That i s , i n d i v i d u a l s experience as s u p p o r t i v e not only r e l a t i o n s h i p s in which they r e c e i v e m a t e r i a l , c o g n i t i v e , and a f f e c t i v e c o n t r i b u t i o n s , but a l s o those i n which they can give such to o t h e r s . T r a d i t i o n a l views of support, whether from the p e r s p e c t i v e of everyday l i f e or that of h e l p i n g p r o f e s s i o n a l s , tend to imply d e f i c i e n c y and inadequacy i n the person r e c e i v i n g support. The emergence of the S a t i s f a c t i o n category suggests that for many of the sample of t h i s study, (who may be d e s c r i b e d as e s s e n t i a l l y normal, c o l l e g e - e d u c a t e d , h e l p i n g - o r i e n t e d a d u l t s ) , the o p p o r t u n i t y to c o n t r i b u t e to others has s u p p o r t i v e value. (p. 85) 124 The importance assigned to Mutual r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n which both p a r t i c i p a n t s g ive and r e c e i v e f a c i l i t a t i o n as d e s c r i b e d i n the present study i s c o n s i s t e n t with the s p e c i a l s i g n i f i c a n c e that Pearson (1982) assigned to g i v i n g support to others as a form of s e l f - support. However he d i d not c o n s i d e r the Mutual r e l a t i o n s h i p , nor d i d he r e f l e c t on the r e l a t i o n s h i p of S a t i s f a c t i o n to h i s other c a t e g o r i e s by a n a l y z i n g i t to r e v e a l how i t supports the g i v e r as the present study has done. Wright's (1969) F r i e n d s h i p Model i n c l u d e s three f a c t o r s that make the r e l a t i o n s h i p worth forming and m a i n t a i n i n g : S t i m u l a t i o n Value, U t i l i t y Value and Ego Support Value. A f f i r m a t i o n i s s i m i l a r to Ego Support Vaiue. I n s p i r a t i o n i s s i m i l a r to S t i m u l a t i o n Value, and Challenge i s s i m i l a r to U t i l i t y Value. However, the three f a c i l i t a t i v e dimensions are more focused r e s p e c t i v e l y , on the s e l f - a c t u a l i z e r ' s s t r e n g t h s , a s p i r a t i o n s and needs than are Wright's more general f a c t o r s . M u t u a l i t y i s s i m i l a r to V o l u n t a r y Interdependence, Wright's c r i t e r i o n of f r i e n d s h i p , although the f a c i l i t a t i v e dimension i s more complex. The concept of M u t u a l i t y i n the present study as the highest l e v e l of f a c i l i t a t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p seems c o n s i s t e n t with Wright's conception of V o l u n t a r y Interdependence as the c r i t e r i o n a g a i n s t which the l e v e l or i n t e n s i t y of a f r i e n d s h i p i s measured. The s i m i l a r i t y of the present f i n d i n g s to those of Rogers (1951), La Gaipa (1977), Pearson (1982), and Wright (1969) supports the v a l i d i t y of the dimensions i d e n t i f i e d i n t h i s study. R e l a t i o n s h i p s which f a c i l i t a t e s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n share 1 25 common elements with t h e r a p e u t i c r e l a t i o n s h i p s and with s o c i a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s . T h i s i s c o n s i s t e n t with the o v e r l a p i d e n t i f i e d by Davidson and Packard (1981) between t h e r a p e u t i c r e l a t i o n s h i p s and good r e l a t i o n s h i p s between women f r i e n d s . The present study demonstrates how t h i s o v e r l a p a l s o a p p l i e s to r e l a t i o n s h i p s that f a c i l i t a t e s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . The study r e v e a l s , however, that the dimensions of these f a c i l i t a t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p s have unique f l a v o u r s or emphases that d i f f e r e n t i a t e them e s p e c i a l l y from more g e n e r a l l y s u p p o r t i v e s o c i a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s . Thus, although i t appears that t h e r a p e u t i c , f r i e n d s h i p and s o c i a l support r e l a t i o n s h i p s share common elements with r e l a t i o n s h i p s that f a c i l i t a t e s e l f -a c t u a l i z a t i o n , there are p a r t i c u l a r combinations of these elements and p a r t i c u l a r emphases (more a c t i v e , more involved) that make f o r s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n i n p a r t i c u l a r , f o r women such as those i n the study. 2. PRACTICAL SIGNIFICANCE In the c l i e n t - c e n t e r e d t r a d i t i o n , the c o u n s e l l o r ' s task i s to e s t a b l i s h a g r o w t h - f a c i l i t a t i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p with the c l i e n t . The c o u n s e l l i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p i s more g e n e r a l l y focused on perso n a l growth than i s the r e l a t i o n s h i p that f a c i l i t a t e s s e l f -a c t u a l i z a t i o n . The c o u n s e l l o r helps the c l i e n t s o l v e her problems or r e s o l v e her neuroses. The f a c i l i t a t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p , as p e r c e i v e d by the s u b j e c t s i n t h i s study, i s more a c t i v e l y focused on the development of autonomy-in-r e l a t i o n s h i p or interdependence. T h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p b r i d g e s the gap between r o l e modeling and f r i e n d s h i p . The model of 126 f a c i l i t a t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p s developed in t h i s study, then, p r o v i d e s c o u n s e l l o r s with a b a s i s for understanding the dimensions that are r e l e v a n t to t h i s s p e c i f i c aspect of p e r s o n a l growth. The model ought to help c o u n s e l l o r s work with c l i e n t s who are f u n c t i o n i n g at higher l e v e l s of development. On Maslow's (1954) h i e r a r c h y of needs, they would be at the second highest l e v e l , s t r i v i n g to s a t i s f y the esteem needs ( s e l f -r e s p o n s i b i l i t y , adequacy, mastery, competence) or at the highest l e v e l , seeking to s e l f - a c t u a l i z e . They would l i k e l y be older a d u l t s , f o r example, i n v o l v e d i n career t r a n s i t i o n s . The c o u n s e l l o r should assess the l e v e l of the c l i e n t ' s development before employing the study model, s i n c e i t would not be s u i t a b l e for everyone. Since the s u b j e c t s i n the study experienced f a c i l i t a t i o n p a r t i c u l a r l y i n times of need, s t r e s s or v u l n e r a b i l i t y , the model seems p a r t i c u l a r l y r e l e v a n t f o r c o u n s e l l i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s which are u s u a l l y e s t a b l i s h e d at these times. The importance of the p e r s o n - s i t u a t i o n i n t e r a c t i o n suggests that c o u n s e l l o r s would be w e l l - p o s i t i o n e d to provide these types of f a c i l i t a t i o n . The n o t i o n that the f a c i l i t a t i v e dimensions may r e f l e c t a developmental p r o g r e s s i o n a l s o has i m p l i c a t i o n s f o r c o u n s e l l i n g . A c l i e n t who i s at the I n s p i r a t i o n a l l e v e l , f o r example, may not be ready to be Challenged. C o u n s e l l o r s can assess what they should be p r o v i d i n g f o r the c l i e n t — I n s p i r a t i o n , A f f i r m a t i o n , or C h a l l e n g e — d e p e n d i n g on her l e v e l of development. A general o b j e c t i v e of c o u n s e l l i n g i s to help the c l i e n t 1 27 become more able to meet her own needs in the world. T h i s study has r e v e a l e d t h a t , f o r women, an important need i s for growth-enhancing r e l a t i o n s h i p s . Therefore i t i s probable that examination of some of the c l i e n t ' s r e l a t i o n s h i p s , i f not her e n t i r e s o c i a l support network, w i l l occur i n the course of c o u n s e l l i n g . C o u n s e l l o r s might draw upon the not i o n of pr o g r e s s i o n through the dimensions to guide t h e i r i n t e r v e n t i o n s with the c l i e n t , or, a l t e r n a t i v e l y , they might o f f e r i t as a t h e o r e t i c a l model, and p a r t i c i p a t e with the c l i e n t in e x p l o r i n g and a s s e s s i n g her r e l a t i o n s h i p s from that p e r s p e c t i v e . The c l i e n t c o u l d be encouraged to i d e n t i f y both what she i s r e c e i v i n g from her f r i e n d s and f a m i l y and what she i s o f f e r i n g to them. The b e h a v i o u r a l d e s c r i p t i o n s that have been developed for each category would be u s e f u l i n h e l p i n g the c o u n s e l l o r and c l i e n t i d e n t i f y and plan the s p e c i f i c b e h a v i o u r a l changes with which she might experiment i n her e f f o r t s to enhance p a r t i c u l a r r e l a t i o n s h i p s . The f i n d i n g s a l s o suggest a p o t e n t i a l source of d i f f i c u l t y i n the c o u n s e l l i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p . If the c o u n s e l l o r and c l i e n t understand s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n i n d i f f e r e n t terms, ( i . e . , the one basing i t on Maslow's (1954) model and the other on M i l l e r ' s (1976)), then t h e i r e x p e c t a t i o n s of one another and t h e i r s t y l e s of r e l a t i n g may c o n f l i c t . For women who are r e c e p t i v e to homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s , the f e m i n i s t model of c o u n s e l l i n g with i t s emphasis on a f f i r m i n g s t r e n g t h s , modeling the competency t r a i t s and making the c o u n s e l l i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p more mutual would seem to be most a p p r o p r i a t e . 1 28 The f i n d i n g s r e g a r d i n g the importance that s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g women a s s i g n to the competency t r a i t s have general i m p l i c a t i o n s f o r understanding women and g i r l s growing up. In s e l f -a c t u a l i z i n g , they seek to balance the nurturant a t t r i b u t e s that they have developed in t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers (Chodorow, 1978; D i n n e r s t e i n , 1976; F l a x , 1978) by adopting s e l f - a s s e r t i v e , s e l f - p r o t e c t i v e and s e l f - e x p a n s i v e a t t i t u d e s and behaviours that represent the ag e n t i c p r i n c i p l e (Bakan,1966). I t i s t h e r e f o r e p a r t i c u l a r l y a p p r o p r i a t e that they be exposed to models of the range of competency t r a i t s who w i l l I n s p i r e them to develop that part of themselves. T h i s i m p l i c a t i o n i s c o n s i s t e n t with the work of Baruch and Barnett (1983) who have found that mastery (the i n s t r u m e n t a l , doing s i d e of l i f e ) and pl e a s u r e (the f e e l i n g s i d e , the q u a l i t y of one's r e l a t i o n s h i p s with others) are both e s s e n t i a l components of women's sense of w e l l - b e i n g . F i n a l l y , the r e s u l t s have general s i g n i f i c a n c e , f o r women in a f f i r m i n g t h e i r c a p a c i t i e s f o r growth-enhancing r e l a t i o n s h i p s and i n r a i s i n g t h e i r awareness of the s i g n i f i c a n c e of these bonds. T h i s a f f i r m a t i o n can c o n t r i b u t e to the development of women's concepts of themselves as p o t e n t i a l l y e f f e c t i v e s e l f -n u r t u r e r s and s e l f - a c t u a l i z e r s . There may be some men f o r whom M i l l e r ' s (1976) concept and t h i s model i s more s u i t a b l e , j u s t as some women i n t h i s study were s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g without f a c i l i t a t i o n from homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s . T herefore the study may provide a source of ideas f o r those men who are f i n d i n g s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n i n and 129 through t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s . As Bakan (1966) and Block (1973) have envisaged, when post sex-segregated values emerge, and men i n c o r p o r a t e these s t y l e s , s o c i e t y as a whole w i l l be enhanced. C. LIMITS OF THE STUDY  A p p l i c a b i l i t y Since the s u b j e c t s were a homogeneous group of North American c a r e e r women, aged 35 or o l d e r , who scored i n the s e l f -a c t u a l i z i n g category on the Personal O r i e n t a t i o n Inventory, the g e n e r a l i z a b i l i t y of the f i n d i n g s i s l i m i t e d to that p o p u l a t i o n . However, there i s converging evidence from a v a r i e t y of sources that women's same-sex f r i e n d s h i p s are enduring and a f f e c t i v e l y r i c h ( B r i t t a i n , 1940; Davidson, 1983; Davidson & Packard, 1981; Faderman, 1981; Lamb & Hohlwein, 1983; L u s t i g , 1983; Seiden & Bart, 1975; Smith-Rosenberg, 1975). Hence, i t seems l i k e l y that the f a c i l i t a t i v e dimensions i d e n t i f i e d f o r the study p o p u l a t i o n would be found in women's homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s more g e n e r a l l y , ( a l b e i t with l e s s c o n s i s t e n c y or i n t e n s i t y ) , even though the women were younger, more t r a d i t i o n a l l y employed, and/or l e s s s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g than the women in t h i s study. V a l i d i t y of Subject S e l e c t i o n As noted i n Chapter I I I , the Personal O r i e n t a t i o n Inventory i s " f a k e a b l e " by p s y c h o l o g i c a l l y - s o p h i s t i c a t e d people, which the present s u b j e c t s c e r t a i n l y are. In a d d i t i o n , the t e s t i s based on Maslow's (1954) d e s c r i p t i o n of male s e l f - a c t u a l i z e r s , a d e s c r i p t i o n t h a t , as the study has suggested i s not a p p r o p r i a t e for female s e l f - a c t u a l i z e r s . However, i n support of the v a l i d i t y of the POI r e s u l t s , 1 30 these women's achievements in careers that demand high levels of personal development offers some assurance of their being s e l f -a c t u a l i z i n g . Exploratory and Descriptive Approach The focus of the research was to employ the c r i t i c a l incident technique to explore the domain and to organize the data co l l e c t e d into categories. Since there were no hypotheses formed and tested, the findings are suggestive rather than conclusive. Hence, r e p l i c a t i o n of the study with s t a t i s t i c a l hypotheses testing would be necessary in order to obtain conclusive r e s u l t s . D. RECOMMENDATIONS FOR FUTURE RESEARCH This study has i d e n t i f i e d and described four dimensions of f a c i l i t a t i v e relationships and i t has delineated a model that indicates how these dimensions are related to one another. The understanding that t h i s study has thereby provided of the relevance of homosocial relationships to s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n then provokes questions for future research. 1. Are the four i d e n t i f i e d dimensions equally e f f e c t i v e f a c i l i t a t o r s of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n ? Or is the impact of certain ones greater than that of others? Is a p a r t i c u l a r dimension more important to c u l t i v a t e than others? As noted, . the dimension of Mutuality seemed to the researcher often to be described by the subjects with a richness of d e t a i l and an enthusiasm that suggested i t s special s i g n i f i c a n c e . Based on the suggestion in the present study that the categories r e f l e c t 131 a developmental p r o g r e s s i o n , i t seems l i k e l y that at p a r t i c u l a r p o i n t s i n a woman's development, p a r t i c u l a r dimensions would be most f a c i l i t a t i v e . 2. How s i g n i f i c a n t i s the i n t e n s i t y of the r e l a t i o n s h i p experience i n determining i t s f a c i l i t a t i v e e f f e c t ? As noted, the s u b j e c t s reported i n c i d e n t s and r e l a t i o n s h i p s that were s i m i l a r in t h e i r dynamics, but that v a r i e d i n the i n t e n s i t y of t h e i r impact ( p o s i t i v e or n e g a t i v e ) . An I n s p i r a t i o n a l r e l a t i o n s h i p might be more intense or s a l i e n t than any other r e l a t i o n s h i p experience f o r a p a r t i c u l a r i n d i v i d u a l . I t would seem that i n t e n s i t y i s an important v a r i a b l e , but that i t would not make d i f f e r e n t dimensions e q u i v a l e n t , ( i e . , i f a p a r t i c u l a r dimension would be most f a c i l i t a t i v e at a p a r t i c u l a r point i n a woman's development, the inte n s e experience of another dimension would not be as f a c i l i t a t i v e as experience of the a p p r o p r i a t e dimension would be). 3. Is there a developmental p r o g r e s s i o n inherent i n the ex p e r i e n c i n g of these dimensions? Does the experience of one dimension prepare the woman to be r e c e p t i v e to experience of the next? In t h i s study, Challenge has been found to subsume A f f i r m a t i o n , and M u t u a l i t y has been found to subsume some or a l l of the other dimensions. T h i s suggests that the dimensions may r e f l e c t developmental stages e i t h e r i n terms of r e l a t i o n s h i p m a t u r i t y or i n terms of the i n d i v i d u a l s ' l e v e l s of s e l f -a c t u a l i z a t i o n or i n terms of an i n t e r a c t i o n of the two processes. Concepts of stage development tend to be too r i g i d and s i m p l i s t i c to adequately capture the v a r i a b i l i t y of 1 32 i n t r a p e r s o n a l and i n t e r p e r s o n a l phenomena. However, examination of the b a s i s f o r the apparent i n t e r r e l a t e d n e s s of the dimensions would seem to be an obvious and p o s s i b l y f r u i t f u l r e s e a r c h d i r e c t i o n . 4. The f a c t that about one-quarter of the sample of s e l f -a c t u a l i z i n g women d i d not co n s i d e r homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s to have f a c i l i t a t e d t h e i r development r a i s e s q u e s t i o n s about the g e n e r a l i z a b i l i t y of M i l l e r ' s (1976) theory to a l l women. A s i g n i f i c a n t p r o p o r t i o n of s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g women i n the study espoused a more autonomous model of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n or had f a c i l i t a t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p s with men rather than with other women. I t seemed that experiences i n e a r l y h i n d e r i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s d e t e r r e d some women from e s t a b l i s h i n g f a c i l i t a t i v e homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s t h e r e a f t e r . However t h i s was not true of a l l s u b j e c t s who d e s c r i b e d e a r l y negative r e l a t i o n s h i p s . Women who had f a c i l i t a t i v e homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s a l s o d e s c r i b e d n e gative ones, but s a i d they had l e f t these r a t h e r than allow them to impede t h e i r s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . What then makes the d i f f e r e n c e between the two groups? I t may be that the impact of the women's movement i n v a l i d a t i n g the importance of bonds between women has been more s i g n i f i c a n t f o r some women, than f o r o t h e r s . There may be a d i f f e r e n c e in t h i s impact f o r d i f f e r e n t g e n e r a t i o n a l c o h o r t s . 5. F i n a l l y , the impact of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p that was d e s c r i b e d by almost a l l of the s u b j e c t s provokes ques t i o n s about the r e l a t i o n s h i p of that experience to women's c a p a c i t i e s f o r f a c i l i t a t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p s . Are there c e r t a i n 1 33 q u a l i t i e s of those r e l a t i o n s h i p s that are p r e r e q u i s i t e f o r a woman's being able to engage i n f u r t h e r f a c i l i t a t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p s ? Are there other q u a l i t i e s that deter her? Recent l i t e r a t u r e concerning the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p c i t e d i n Chapter II has focused on i t s impact on female r o l e c o n d i t i o n i n g and hence, h o m o s o c i a l i t y . C l a r i f i c a t i o n of the l i n k between mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s and f a c i l i t a t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p s that f o l l o w i t would seem an i n t e r e s t i n g o b j e c t i v e for f u t u r e r e s e a r c h . A study designed to answer these q u e s t i o n s would i n c l u d e some of the f o l l o w i n g elements: a) The method of peer nomination would be employed to i d e n t i f y more c l e a r l y s e l f - a c t u a l i z e d women. Rather than using achievement as p s y c h o l o g i s t s as the c r i t e r i o n , women in a wider range of c a r e e r s would be asked to make t h i s s e l e c t i o n . In t h i s way, a sample c o u l d be drawn that would r e f l e c t the concensus of t h e i r understandings of the emerging concept of women's s e l f -a c t u a l i z a t i o n as d i s t i n c t from men's. T h i s procedure would a l s o r e s u l t i n a broad heterogeneous sample with respect to occupation and career path that would support the g e n e r a l i z a b i l i t y of the r e s u l t s . b) Since a measure of female s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n i s not a v a i l a b l e , an instrument that measures a c o n s t r u c t c l o s e l y r e l a t e d to s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n such as mastery (Baruch & Barnett, 1983) would be used to v a l i d a t e the s e l e c t i o n of s u b j e c t s . the POI might then be used as a check on s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . c) An e x i s t i n g instrument that measures f r i e n d s h i p 134 dimensions, such as the F r i e n d s h i p Inventory ( c i t e d i n La Gaipa, 1977), might be mo d i f i e d for v a l i d a t i n g the f a c i l i t a t i v e dimensions of the r e l a t i o n s h i p s that were expl o r e d in the i n t e r v i e w s . A measure of s e x - r o l e i d e n t i f i c a t i o n such as the Personal A t t r i b u t e s Q u e s t i o n n a i r e (Spence et a l . , 1974) would a l s o be u s e f u l i n i n t e r p r e t i n g the s u b j e c t s ' responses to the int e r v i e w q u e s t i o n s . d) In order to study the r e l a t e d n e s s of the dimensions, as framed in the research q u e s t i o n s d i s c u s s e d above, both the s u b j e c t s ' homosocial and h e t e r o s o c i a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s as w e l l as t h e i r group experiences would be examined. e) A d e f i n i t i v e d e s c r i p t i o n of women's s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n would be developed. The four themes that emerged from the s u b j e c t s ' d e f i n i t i o n s i n t h i s study would be used to develop a l i s t of aspects of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n that s u b j e c t s would rank order a c c o r d i n g to which were more and l e s s important to them. T h i s procedure would r e s u l t i n a more p r e c i s e c o n c e p t u a l i z a t i o n of women's s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n on which to base e x p l o r a t i o n of que s t i o n s such as those i d e n t i f i e d above. Another d i r e c t i o n f o r f u t u r e r e s e a r c h based on the present study would be to conduct a p a r a l l e l study with men i n s t e a d of women. The comparison of the two s t u d i e s would then h i g h l i g h t d i f f e r e n c e s between the sexes with respect to f a c i l i t a t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p e x p e r i e n c e s . I t would a l s o r e v e a l whether men's d e f i n i t i o n s of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n a l s o d i f f e r from Maslow's (1954). As noted, most men have been c u l t u r a l l y c o n d i t i o n e d to be more independent and l e s s e m o t i o n a l l y v u l n e r a b l e than women. 135 Although there are i n d i c a t i o n s of the beginnings of s o c i a l change i n t h i s area ( C z a r n e c k i , 1984; F a r r e l l , 1974), i t i s hypothesized that s i g n i f i c a n t d i f f e r e n c e s between women and men would emerge i n such a comparative study. E. SUMMARY The r e s u l t s of t h i s study support the c o n t e n t i o n s of cu r r e n t f e m i n i s t t h e o r i s t s that women have a s p e c i a l c a p a c i t y fo r growth-enhancing r e l a t i o n s h i p s as a product of t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p - o r i e n t e d v a l u e s , t h e i r i n t e r p e r s o n a l s e n s i t i v i t y , t h e i r emotional e x p r e s s i v i t y and t h e i r e f f o r t s at t h i s p o i n t i n time to develop more a u t h e n t i c i d e n t i t i e s . More s p e c i f i c a l l y , the study has suggested that a l a r g e p r o p o r t i o n of s e l f - a c t u a l i z i n g c a r e e r women understand t h e i r s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n in terms of interdependence and that a m a j o r i t y of them co n s i d e r t h e i r homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s to have f a c i l i t a t e d t h e i r s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . These women d e s c r i b e d those r e l a t i o n s h i p s in terms of four dimensions: I n s p i r a t i o n , A f f i r m a t i o n , Challenge and M u t u a l i t y . These dimensions seem to form a p r o g r e s s i o n i n which the l a t t e r two dimensions subsume the former two. They are c o n s i s t e n t with the dimensions of th e r a p e u t i c r e l a t i o n s h i p s , which would be expected s i n c e these have a s i m i l a r though more general f u n c t i o n . They o v e r l a p somewhat l e s s c o n s i s t e n t l y with the dimensions of f r i e n d s h i p s and s o c i a l support r e l a t i o n s h i p s , the f a c i l i t a t i v e dimensions having a more a c t i v e , focused emphasis. The women a l s o d e s c r i b e d (with l e s s frequency) some 1 3 6 negative aspects of homosocial r e l a t i o n s h i p s : D i s i l l u s i o n m e n t , R e j e c t i o n , Dependence and Competition, which are c o n s i s t e n t with f e m i n i s t theory that e x p l a i n s how women react through in-group a g g r e s s i o n to t h e i r d e v a l u a t i o n in p a t r i a r c h a l s o c i e t y . The model developed i n t h i s study p r o v i d e s c o u n s e l l o r s with a b a s i s f o r understanding of the s p e c i f i c r e l a t i o n s h i p dimensions that are c r i t i c a l to t h e i r women c l i e n t s ' s e l f -a c t u a l i z a t i o n . 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L o n e l i n e s s : The experience of emotional  and s o c i a l i s o l a t i o n . Cambridge, Mass.: M.I.T. Press. W i t t g e n s t e i n , L. (1953). P h i l o s o p h i c a l i n v e s t i g a t i o n s . New York: MacMillan. Woolsey, L.K. (1984). S o c i a l Sciences and Humanities Research  C o u n c i l A p p l i c a t i o n . Wright, P.H. (1969). A model and a technique f o r s t u d i e s of f r i e n d s h i p . J o u r n a l of Experimental S o c i a l Psychology , 5 , 295-309. Yalom, I. (1970). The Theory and P r a c t i c e of Group  Psychotherapy . New York: Basic Books. 1 4 4 APPENDIX A - LETTER OF INITIAL CONTACT I'm a graduate student in C o u n s e l l i n g Psychology conducting a research study on women's r e l a t i o n s h i p s with other women, eg. female r e l a t i v e s , f r i e n d s , t e a c h e r s , workmates, neighbours. I want to explore the impact of these s o c i a l bonds on women's s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n , as they understand that c o n s t r u c t . I want to in t e r v i e w women members of the B r i t i s h Columbia P s y c h o l o g i c a l A s s o c i a t i o n who are 35 years or o l d e r . If you meet t h i s age c r i t e r i o n , I hope y o u ' l l c o n s i d e r p a r t i c i p a t i n g as a s u b j e c t . The research i s i n two p a r t s , the f i r s t being a qu e s t i o n n a i r e that I w i l l mail to you. I t w i l l take about 20 to 30 minutes Lo complete. The i n t e r v i e w process, which w i l l take about one or two hours, w i l l , I b e l i e v e , be an i n t e r e s t i n g and enjoyable opportunity to review and r e f l e c t on asp e c t s of your personal experience w i t h i n a s t i m u l a t i n g s t r u c t u r e . The m a t e r i a l w i l l be t r e a t e d c o n f i d e n t i a l l y and, of course, I would respect any d e c i s i o n you might make to withdraw from the process at any p o i n t . I w i l l arrange to conduct the i n t e r v i e w at a time and place most convenient to you. I'm hoping y o u ' l l be able to f i n d time in your busy schedule to help me with t h i s p r o j e c t . I ' l l telephone you withi n ten days to answer any q u e s t i o n s you may have and to make arrangements i f you decide to p a r t i c i p a t e . Yours s i n c e r e l y , Jean H a r r i s 145 APPENDIX B - LETTER TO PREPARE SUBJECT FOR INTERVIEW In p r e p a r a t i o n f o r our i n t e r v i e w on _______ , I want to give you the qu e s t i o n s I would l i k e to explore with you. Since they i n v o l v e the r e c a l l of s p e c i f i c past experiences of yours, you may want to begin to r e f l e c t on them i n advance of the i n t e r v i e w . 1) The t e s t you have completed measured s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n d e f i n e d as " f u n c t i o n i n g f u l l y and l i v i n g an e n r i c h e d l i f e by developing and u t i l i z i n g one's unique c a p a b i l i t i e s and p o t e n t i a l i t i e s " . What i s your p e r s o n a l understanding of t h i s term? How f a r along i n the process of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n do you cons i d e r y o u r s e l f - beginning /on the way/advanced/well-advanced/approaching complet ion? 2) I want to focus on the women who have been important i n encouraging or f a c i l i t a t i n g your own development i n the d i r e c t i o n of s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . These women might be mothers, s i s t e r s , grandmothers, aunts, c o u s i n s , f r i e n d s , neighbours, teachers, workmates or any women you've known p e r s o n a l l y . What are the f i r s t names of these women? What are t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s to you? 3) Now t r y to thin k of a s p e c i f i c i n c i d e n t or s e v e r a l l i t t l e i n c i d e n t s ( i t can be something small) when each of these women you've named d i d something or when something happened that s i g n i f i c a n t l y encouraged or f a c i l i t a t e d your development toward s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . What happened? What l e d up to i t ? Why was i t so h e l p f u l ? 4) Then I'd l i k e to focus on r e l a t i o n s h i p s with women i n which you've had experiences that you co n s i d e r to have hindered or i n h i b i t e d your development. What are t h e i r f i r s t names and t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s to you? Now t r y to think of s p e c i f i c i n c i d e n t s when each woman d i d something or when something happened that s i g n i f i c a n t l y hindered or i n h i b i t e d your development toward s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . What happened? What l e d up to i t ? Why was i t so h i n d e r i n g ? I'm l o o k i n g forward to meeting with you to explore these q u e s t i o n s . The time requirement w i l l be determined by you; I 1 4 6 w i l l allow s u f f i c i e n t time f o r you to share your experience f u l l y , i n c l u d i n g a follow-up s e s s i o n i f r e q u i r e d . Yours s i n c e r e l y , Jean H a r r i s 147 APPENDIX C - SAMPLE RELATIONSHIP TRANSCRIPTS 1. INSPIRATION Sample T r a n s c r i p t (Mother-in-Law) I've known her twenty y e a r s . I'm c l o s e to her. I love her d e a r l y . She's a wonderful woman. She's seventy-nine and has been l o s i n g her s i g h t over the past year and a h a l f . She can h a r d l y see. Seeing what she does with her l i f e , how she d e a l s with l o s i n g her v i s i o n , I've been f i l l e d with admiration and r e s p e c t . I know i t ' s a h o r r i b l e t h i n g f o r her. She hasn't been able to see her f i r s t g r a n d c h i l d ' s f a c e . I've been i n f l u e n c e d by her a b i l i t y to put that i n t o p e r s p e c t i v e even though i t ' s been a t e r r i b l e l o s s f o r her. She's had p e r i o d s of d e p r e s s i o n . Nonetheless her sense of humour w i l l come back. She came to v i s i t l a s t summer. I was going to take them downtown. I was t e a s i n g her saying I wouldn't take her with her s l i p p e r s on. I was standing o u t s i d e w a i t i n g f o r her while she went u p s t a i r s to get ready. She came down and her daughter and her daughter's f r i e n d s t a r t e d to laugh and I looked and she had two d i f f e r e n t shoes and they thought she had done i t as a joke, but she hadn't. She'd flown across the country with two d i f f e r e n t shoes because she hadn't seen the d i f f e r e n c e . It was so c l e a r . You c o u l d see the e x p r e s s i o n go across her face of embarrassment, l o s s , anger at her own s t u p i d i t y , anger at circumstances, momentary hurt that everyone was laughing, and then g r a s p i n g that they thought she had done i t for a joke, not laughing at her d i s a b i l i t y . I t a l l whizzed by on her face and then she grinned and s a i d , 'Well I needed a new p a i r of shoes and you were t a k i n g me shopping anyway.' Her a b i l i t y to j u s t f l i p that one over when she c o u l d have wallowed in i t and i t would have stopped her from the very process that I b e l i e v e s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n i s — i t impressed me with what's p o s s i b l e . I t was a good cause fo r being depressed, hurt, angry, and she r e f u s e d to l e t i t do t h a t . I thought, 'I hope that I ' l l have that kind of courage and guts when I have circumstances i n l i f e l i k e that to f a c e . I'm growing o l d e r . T h i s w i l l happen.' she was an example of how you can l i v e with that i n a p o s i t i v e way. I f e e l very b l e s s e d with her. 2. AFFIRMATION Sample T r a n s c r i p t (Department Head) I decided to go back to u n i v e r s i t y , but had a t e r r i b l e time d e c i d i n g what to go i n t o . I went around i n t e r v i e w i n g people and a l o t of the men I t a l k e d to were very formal and unresponsive, very cut and d r i e d . I stumbled i n t o her o f f i c e and she was j u s t i n c r e d i b l e . She smiled a l o t and she t o l d me yes, indeed, the department would welcome me with open arms. What you'd done 1 4 8 before was not n e c e s s a r i l y what you c o u l d do and she c o u l d see that there were other t h i n g s that were more important that I c o u l d do. She encouraged me to go on and not to get discouraged by the whole process. Words of support and s m i l i n g and being w i l l i n g to take the t i m e ~ - r e a l l y p o s i t i v e . If I hadn't run i n t o her, I don't know where I'd be today because I was g e t t i n g r e a l l y discouraged and running, l o o k i n g . It was so hard to f i n d that person and i t was f i n a l l y her. That gave me the courage to go on. It was her p e r s o n a l i t y ; she was d i r e c t , she made i t c l e a r she r e a l l y l i k e d me. She s a i d , 'I think y o u ' l l do f i n e . ' There was an openness. I c o u l d ask her q u e s t i o n s l i k e , 'How do you know I ' l l be able to get two f i r s t c l a s s e s ? ' I was more a s s e r t i v e at t h i s time i n my l i f e . t 3 _ INSPIRATION & AFFIRMATION Sample T r a n s c r i p t (Grandmother) She was my primary source of love and a f f e c t i o n . She had ten c h i l d r e n . I knew her when she was r e t i r e d and they were a l l grown up and so she had time f o r her a r t . I was s p e c i a l because she had l o t s of time which she devoted to me. I was important in her l i f e and she was important to me. , Mom and I l i v e d with them and then we l i v e d a block away and my mother worked which i s why my grandmother became very important to me. P r i o r to s c h o o l , t h a t ' s who I spent my day with. A very neat lady. R e a l i z i n g a woman can do a b i t of e v e r y t h i n g comes from her. She was able i n a r e a l l y r e l a x e d way to have l o t s of f r i e n d s . I saw l o t s of women f r i e n d s coming over. She had a l a r g e V i c t o r i a n house, rambling, c h a o t i c , very comfortable. There were l o t s of people coming through, which seemed to me to be r e a l l y n i c e . She was very t a l e n t e d a r t i s t i c a l l y and d i d t h i n g s l i k e t a k i n g up wheel throwing in-her e i g h t i e s , so I had a sense you c o u l d not only do p r e t t y w e l l what you put your mind to, but i t doesn't r e a l l y matter how o l d you a r e . There's no l i m i t . If i t seemed neat she would j u s t give i t a w h i r l . With her house or who she was - very t o l e r a n t - the k i d s a l l seemed to come back. There was a l o t of coming and going. They r e a l l y l i k e d to be around her because she was very easy going. They would be welcomed. She would make noodles. In Grade 1 , there were t r y o u t s f o r a school p l a y and I decided I wanted the key r o l e - - M i s s Muffet. I d i d a huge scream and got the p a r t on the spot. I was very e x c i t e d and came home. I t o l d her. There was tremendous excitement. She made the most wonderful o u t f i t f o r my p a r t . I f e l t she r e a l l y supported the f a c t that I'd gotten i t . Achievement, reaching out at e x t e r n a l g o a l s , r e a l l y t r y i n g f o r something. 1 49 I l i k e d the l o v i n g and f l e x i b i l i t y and m u l t i d i m e n s i o n a l p a r t s of her. That was r e a l l y a good l e s s o n . We would stay up fo r the l a t e movie and eat popcorn b a l l s i n bed. I t was neat. She wasn't l i k e a grandmother. 4. CHALLENGE (BASED ON AFFIRMATION) Sample T r a n s c r i p t ( S i s t e r ) She always c o u l d say what she f e l t about me, comment on t h i n g s that I d i d that she d i d n ' t p a r t i c u l a r l y agree with or that she thought maybe weren't good f o r me or f o r the people around me. That I c o u l d do b e t t e r , she knew that I c o u l d . I d i d n ' t need to f a l l i n t o those r u t s or whatever. Without ever making me f e e l r e j e c t e d or even bad. She always turned me back on myself and had the e f f e c t of making me c o n s i d e r what I'd done because I respected her o p i n i o n so much and I was so sure that she probably knew what she was t a l k i n g about. She d i d n ' t n e c e s s a r i l y always. She j u s t cares f o r me and never c a r e d to dwell on the bad t h i n g s , although she c o u l d see them, d e a l with them. That wasn't my essence for her. She got me to see a r e l a t i o n s h i p I was i n in the l i g h t of a v i o l e n t r e l a t i o n s h i p . I had j u s t taken f o r granted the kind of p r e v i o l e n t i n t e r a c t i o n s between us supposedly done in fun. I t took her being o u t s i d e l o o k i n g on, commenting on how rough i t seemed to her, to put i t i n t o a d i f f e r e n t p e r s p e c t i v e . I was too i n v o l v e d i n i t . She j u s t simply said--I'm not even sure i t was about him h i t t i n g me--it was about bangs on the shoulder, arm s l a p p i n g and things to get a t t e n t i o n and I think we were doing i t to each other. She s a i d i t went way past what she c o n s i d e r e d normal. I t wasn't anything b i g . I guess t h e r e had been something growing in the back of my mind that I wasn't r e c o g n i z i n g or d i d n ' t have the r i g h t to c a l l v i o l e n t . So that when someone from o u t s i d e whose o p i n i o n I respected commented, i t j e l l e d and I had some kind of c o n f i r m a t i o n of what maybe had been suspected. That kind of very b a s i c acceptance i s very important. There seem to be very few people in one's l i f e that you know you can always go t o , that they w i l l never show d i s g u s t , h o r r o r at what you've done. 5^ INSPIRATION & CHALLENGE (BASED ON AFFIRMATION) Sample  T r a n s c r i p t (Friend) She was a woman who d i d something j u s t a step ahead of me and whom I t r u s t e d . We've known each other t w e n t y - f i v e y e a r s . We met i n f i r s t year u n i v e r s i t y . I always emulated her. She was wasp, i n t e l l i g e n t , she knew her way around t h i n g s . She was j u s t a l i t t l e d i f f e r e n t . She would do t h i n g s that were more outrageous and I l i k e d that too. I d i d n ' t do them, but I watched her. She went o f f to Europe. 1 5 0 She encouraged me a l o t . My confidence l e v e l was very low from s h i f t i n g around to d i f f e r e n t areas, l e a r n i n g about f i v e languages i n three years, always having to s t r u g g l e f o r f r i e n d s h i p s because I would leave one niche and get put i n t o another one and have to form f r i e n d s h i p s c o n s t a n t l y . I had to put the energy out. People would not come to me u n t i l I had. I had to work at i t . I f e l t she thought I was s p e c i a l . She s a i d , 'You're d i f f e r e n t than the others and you have some i n t e r e s t i n g i d e a s . Why don't we go and t a l k about them?' She was a good student, she was Canadian, she knew the ropes, she was smart, she had a w o r l d l i n e s s , she had a cocky way of walking. I got married f i r s t and had a c h i l d q u i c k l y . I always f e l t she looked down on i t . I always questionned, 'Was that what I was meant f o r - - t o j u s t have c h i l d r e n s o r t of t h i n g ? ' Because she wasn't doing t h a t , she was t r i p p i n g around Europe having a b a l l . L a t e r we got together a g a i n . I q u i t my job, decided i t wasn't a c a r e e r , and went i n t o a deep d e p r e s s i o n . She came over and s a i d , 'You've got to do something e l s e . You can't j u s t s i t here. You can't s i t and watch the soaps!' I s a i d , 'What am I going to do? I can't stand s t u p i d l a b work anymore.' She s a i d , 'You've got to do something e l s e . I don't know y e t . I ' l l l e t you know.' she came back and s a i d , 'There's a c r i s i s c enter opening up. You and I are going to go together and w e ' l l become v o l u n t e e r s . ' I s a i d , 'Are you craz y ? I can't do these t h i n g s ! ' She p h y s i c a l l y dragged me out t h e r e . She f o r c e d me to go. She b e l i e v e d in me l i k e my mother. I t was l i k e , 'I know you can do i t , and so you're b l i n d . You're a baby and I'm going to lead you. I know you can do i t . ' And of course she was r i g h t . I t was very much my f i e l d . She wasn't about to s i t down and t e l l me why. Reasons d i d n ' t matter. 'You can do i t ; what you're doing now i s n ' t good f o r you.' Lat e r she went back to school to get her master's. I couldn't b e l i e v e anyone c o u l d do that with k i d s . But then, i f she can do i t ... maybe. I remember meeting her at the F a c u l t y Club. I s a i d , 'I'm doing a l l t h i s s t u f f , but I don't f e e l s a t i s f i e d . I'm uneducated.' She s a i d , 'So go back to s c h o o l . ' I s a i d , 'I don't know where to go.' She s a i d , 'Have you heard of c o u n s e l l i n g psychology? I know you don't want to be a s o c i a l worker and h o l d people's hands.' she asked me the r i g h t q u e s t i o n s . A no-nonsense person. You don't t a l k about t h i n g s . If you t a l k , you go and do i t . So I went and d i d i t . With t h i s job, she s a i d , ' You're not going to get stuck (where I was). You've got to do something e l s e . You can't be a s o c i a l worker a l l your l i f e . ' On her suggestion, I went and a p p l i e d . She's beginning to bug me now about things and I'm not l i s t e n i n g because I'm too t i r e d . She's been the kind of f r i e n d who's always there f o r important t h i n g s . I can come and d i s c u s s 1 5 1 them with her. 6. MUTUALITY Sample T r a n s c r i p t (Friend) I met her at twenty. She's my best f r i e n d . I had been f a i r l y repressed in terms of my f e e l i n g s and being f r e e and spontaneous about t h i n g s . She's very n a t u r a l , spontaneous. I r e a l l y l i k e d t h a t . You don't have to be drunk or stoned. I r e a l l y wanted her to l i k e me. I though she was so neat, Vancouverish. We l i v e d i n a co-op house. We t a l k e d a l o t , had r e a l l y i ntense communication. U s u a l l y about people, how they t i c k e d , what was the matter with them, what was good or bad about them, how come they were whatever. Or about r e l i g i o n , and we decided we were soul-mates, the ' i n t h i n g ' back then. There was that r e a l connection on every l e v e l . Since then I've missed - she i s n ' t an academic, d i d n ' t have the academic c u r i o s i t y or i n t e r e s t I have nurtured again. Back then I was more developing the openness to l i f e . She was my f i r s t experience i n being c l o s e to a person, emotional. We shared a l o t of thoughts, ideas, philosophy, had a l o t of fun t o g e t h e r . I t o l d her t h i n g s I'd never t o l d people b e f o r e . I'd never opened up that way b e f o r e . I was f a i r l y guarded. I t r u s t e d her a l o t and I never had that proven wrong. I never f e l t betrayed. She i n t i a t e d i t . She'd say, 'Nobody e l s e would understand the way you do,' or 'I couldn't wait to get home from work to t e l l you about t h i s . ' She's the one I'd t a l k to now i f I needed to t a l k even i f I haven't seen her f o r two months.- I know that i t ' s going to be the same when we t a l k . I ' l l f e e l u n c o n d i t i o n a l l y accepted. I know s h e ' l l say the t r u t h to me. S h e ' l l say, 'That was a r e a l l y s t u p i d t h i n g to do', or I was being b i t c h y to my husband and she s a i d , 'For C h r i s t ' s sake, where's you sense of humour?' That j u s t brought me to a h a l t and nobody c o u l d say that to me with that impact that I would say, 'Hey t h a t ' s r i g h t . What's the matter with me here?' I t r u s t her to give me honest feedback. She r e s p e c t s me and has always b e l i e v e d I can do i t . When I was going through some of the scarey s t u f f i n the c o u n s e l l i n g psychology program—doing my f i r s t groups in my f i e l d placement--I t a l k e d to her b e f o r e . She'd say, 'You can do i t , no q u e s t i o n . ' I would be able to t a l k to her with l e s s power s t r u g g l e than with my husband. I can get p i s s e d o f f and stubborn with her but I ' l l l e t go of i t w i t h i n f i v e minutes. I can say, 'I hate h e a r i n g that about me.' I can accept i t more e a s i l y . I don't f e e l as threatened. I don't care too much i f I'm r i g h t with her. We have f i f t e e n years of h i s t o r y . She's seen me a l o t more v u l n e r a b l e than anybody—deaths, b o y f r i e n d s , a biopsy. She was always there f o r me. I t ' s the chemistry. We s a i d i f one of us was a man, we'd be a marriage made i n heaven. Our 1 5 2 v a l u e s are s i m i l a r . Our f e e l i n g s f o r each other are s i m i l a r . But her c u r i o s i t y i s l e s s intense - that would be a p r e t t y b i g d i f f e r e n c e . I disapprove of her b o y f r i e n d who she's been having t r o u b l e with. I t bothers me because she gets h u r t . I say, 'What's the matter with you? What's i n i t f o r you to keep going out with t h i s guy? I think you're i n i t f o r your own self- e s t e e m , ego and i t ' s not working.' So I'm p r e t t y s t r a i g h t f o r w a r d with her and she takes i t . F i n a l l y I s a i d a l l I was doing was e n a b l i n g her to stay stuck, so I wouldn't t a l k to her about i t , and s h o r t l y a f t e r she broke up. I r e a l l y s t r u g g l e d with i t . I wanted to be there f o r her. 

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