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The construction of masculinity: interviews into the experiences of men Murphy, Lawrence James 1995

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THE CONSTRUCTION OF MASCULINITY: INTERVIEWS INTO THE EXPERIENCES OF MEN by LAWRENCE JAMES MURPHY B . S c , The U n i v e r s i t y o f T o r o n t o , 1986 A THESIS SUBMITTED IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF MASTER OF ARTS i n THE FACULTY OF GRADUATE STUDIES C o u n s e l l i n g P s y c h o l o g y WE ACCEPT THIS THESIS AS CONFORMING TO THE REQUIRED STANDARD THE UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA J u l y 1995 © L a w r e n c e James Murphy, 1995 In presenting this thesis in partial fulfilment of the requirements for an advanced degree at the University of British Columbia, I agree that the Library shall make it freely available for reference and study. I further agree that permission for extensive copying of this thesis for scholarly purposes may be granted by the head of my department or by his or her representatives. It is understood that copying or publication of this thesis for financial gain shall not be allowed without my written permission. of Co Department ^O^LuDQ hYCUoLMX The University of British Columbia Vancouver, Canada Date DE-6 (2/88) i i ABSTRACT T h e p u r p o s e o f t h i s s t u d y was t o i n v e s t i g a t e t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f b e i n g m a l e f r o m t h e p e r s p e c t i v e o f a g r o u p o f w h i t e m i d d l e c l a s s h e t e r o s e x u a l m e n . A r e v i e w o f t h e l i t e r a t u r e r e v e a l s a d e a r t h o f r e s e a r c h i n t o t h e l i v e d e x p e r i e n c e o f b e i n g m a l e . T h i s s t u d y b e g i n s t o a d d r e s s t h a t l a c k . A s t h e a i m o f t h e s t u d y was t o d e l v e i n t o t h e m e a n i n g o f t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f b e i n g m a l e , a p h e n o m e n o l o g i c a l m e t h o d was e m p l o y e d . F i v e men w e r e r e c r u i t e d f r o m B r i t i s h C o l u m b i a . A s e m i s t r u c t u r e d i n t e r v i e w was c o n d u c t e d w i t h e a c h man a n d t h e r e s u l t i n g t r a n s c r i p t i o n s a n a l y z e d f o r common t h e m e s . C o l a i z i ' s ( 1 9 7 8 ) m e t h o d o f a n a l y s i s p r o d u c e d 12 m a j o r a n d t h r e e m i n o r t h e m e s . T h i s s e t o f t h e m e s was t h e n r e t u r n e d t o t h e men f o r v a l i d a t i o n . Themes i n c l u d e d : e x p e c t a t i o n s o f e c o n o m i c r e s p o n s i b i l i t y , a n d c o n f i d e n c e a n d c o m p e t e n c e ; e x p e r i e n c e s o f c o n f l i c t i n g r o l e e x p e c t a t i o n s , u n c e r t a i n t y a b o u t t h e r u l e s o f b e h a v i o u r , a n d b e i n g p e r c e i v e d a s o n e o f t h e v i c t i m i z e r s ; a n d t h e f e e l i n g t h a t p a r t o f a m a n ' s r o l e i s t o t a k e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r t h e s a f e t y a n d w e l l b e i n g o f o t h e r s . i i i T A B L E OF CONTENTS A b s t r a c t i i Acknowledgements v D e d i c a t i o n v i C H A P T E R I. INTRODUCTION 1 Purpose o f the Study 10 D e f i n i t i o n s 11 C H A P T E R I I . REVIEW OF R E L A T E D L I T E R A T U R E 13 Two Paradigms 13 On Men and M a s c u l i n i t y 19 Summary 33 C H A P T E R I I I . METHODOLOGY 34 B r a c k e t i n g 37 P r o c e d u r e 45 L i m i t a t i o n s and Assumpt ions 50 C H A P T E R I V . R E S U L T S 52 M a j o r Themes 52 M i n o r Themes 71 C H A P T E R V . D I S C U S S I O N 75 Restatement o f Purpose 75 Summary and D i s c u s s i o n o f R e s u l t s 76 I m p l i c a t i o n s f o r C o u n s e l l i n g 117 I m p l i c a t i o n s f o r F u t u r e R e s e a r c h 120 i v Conclusion 122 REFERENCES 125 APPENDICES A. Advertisement that appeared at SFU & UBC Campuses and i n Newspaper 133 B. Parti c i p a n t Consent Form 134 C. Questions to Participants 136 D. Letter that accompanied the Thematic Summary 138 E. Thematic Summary sent to Co-Researchers.... 140 V ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS I w i sh t o acknowledge my deepes t g r a t i t u d e t o the f i v e men who s h a r e d o f themse lves and t h e i r l i v e s w i t h me, and w i t h o u t whom t h i s r e s e a r c h s i m p l y would not e x i s t . T h e i r e n t h u s i a s m , b o t h i n the i n t e r v i e w s and t h r o u g h t h e i r f eedback , h e l p e d me t o s t i c k t o t h i s p r o j e c t when the g o i n g got t o u g h . I w i sh t o ex tend my thanks t o my committee members, D r . Marv Westwood, A l i s o n R i c e , and D r . Du-Fay D u r . E s p e c i a l l y , I would l i k e t o thank my s u p e r v i s o r , D r . Marv Westwood, whose encouragement , gu idance and keen i n t e r e s t i n the s u b j e c t m a t t e r a l l o w e d me t o comple te t h i s p r o j e c t w i t h a sense o f d i g n i t y and p r i d e . I would a l s o l i k e t o thank my w i f e , Rebecca H a l l e t t . Her p r a c t i c a l a s s i s t a n c e was a g r e a t s o u r c e o f c a l m . Her l o v e and s u p p o r t gave me the c o n f i d e n c e I needed t o c a r r y t h r o u g h . DEDICATION F o r my f a t h e r , w h o s e c o u r a g e a n d d e t e r m i n a t i o n h a v e h e l p e d me t o k n o w w h a t i t c a n mean t o b e a m a n . 1 C h a p t e r One I n t r o d u c t i o n What i s i t l i k e t o be a man today? A w h i t e man. A s t r a i g h t man. A man w i t h an e d u c a t i o n . The k i n d o f man who, i n the not so d i s t a n t p a s t , was the man who was q u i z z e d o r i n t e r v i e w e d o r q u e s t i o n e d by the s o c i a l s c i e n t i s t s o f the day , i n o r d e r t o de termine what was normal ( c f . G i l l i g a n , 1987) . The k i n d o f man whose t h o u g h t s , b e l i e f s and d e s i r e s were c l a i m e d t o be the t h o u g h t s , b e l i e f s , and d e s i r e s o f "Mankind". The man who was t h e n compared t o women, t o b l a c k s , t o homosexuals , i n o r d e r t o t r y t o l e a r n what i t was t h a t was wrong w i t h them. Those o t h e r s . What i s i t l i k e t o be t h a t man today? T h i s r e s e a r c h grew out my i n t e r e s t i n t h e s e q u e s t i o n s . And b e i n g a man, i t a l s o grew out o f a d e s i r e t o e x p l o r e , f o r m y s e l f , the e x p e r i e n c e o f m a s c u l i n i t y . So o f t e n i t i s the case t h a t the M a s t e r o f A r t s t h e s i s i n c o u s e l l i n g p s y c h o l o g y has b o t h a p r o f e s s i o n a l and a p e r s o n a l i n t e r e s t f o r the s t u d e n t . T h i s work i s no e x c e p t i o n . The i s s u e o f what i t means t o be a man i s something t h a t many men today a r e c o n f r o n t i n g ( B r o d , 1987; D o y l e , 1983; Keen , 1991; Kimmel , 1987; L e v a n t , 2 1992a, 1992b). The d e f i n i t i o n of masculinity, along with the behaviours that inhere i n such a d e f i n i t i o n , has come under increasing scrutiny i n the l a s t 30 years. This d e f i n i t i o n has undergone some quite dramatic changes within the l a s t decade e s p e c i a l l y and t h i s has l e f t many contemporary men confused about what i t means to be a man (Kimmel, 1986). Levant (1992a), i n his b r i e f introduction to the Society for the Psychological Study Of Men and Masculinity, suggests that "to many men, the question of what i t means to be a man today i s one of the most persistent unresolved issues of t h e i r l i v e s " (p. 75). Kimmel (1987) attempts to put these changes i n an h i s t o r i c a l frame. He introduces us to two previous c r i s e s i n masculinity, the f i r s t i n England during the period 1688-1714 following the Glorious Revolution, and the second i n the United States of America following the c l o s i n g of the American f r o n t i e r i n the l a t e 19th century. In each case he shows that the issue of masculinity became a focus of the discourse of the time, and that as a r e s u l t men began to change t h e i r attitudes towards, and b e l i e f s about, the predominant d e f i n i t i o n s of masculinity. In a very thorough review of the a v a i l a b l e l i t e r a t u r e on gender roles i n each of 3 t h e s e t i m e s , K i m m e l d e m o n s t r a t e s how t h e c h a n g e s t h a t d e v e l o p e d i n m e n ' s a t t i t u d e s t o w a r d s m a s c u l i n i t y w e r e h a p p e n i n g i n r e s p o n s e t o c h a n g e s i n w o m e n ' s a t t i t u d e s a n d b e l i e f s a b o u t f e m i n i n i t y . T h a t i s , h e d e m o n s t r a t e s t h a t men o n l y b e g a n t o c o n f r o n t t h e d e f i n i t i o n s o f m a s c u l i n i t y a n d t h e i m p a c t t h a t t h o s e d e f i n i t i o n s h a d o n t h e m a s m e n , w h e n w o m e n ' s a t t i t u d e s t o w a r d s t h e i r own e x p e r i e n c e s a s women b e g a n t o c h a n g e . T h e i m p e t u s f o r t h e p r e s e n t r e - e x a m i n a t i o n o f m a s c u l i n i t y h a s b e e n t h e m o s t r e c e n t w a v e o f s u c h a c t i v i t y b y women ( S e i d l e r , 1 9 8 9 ) . C o n t e m p o r a r y f e m i n i s m h a s h a d c o n s e q u e n c e s t h a t h a v e a f f e c t e d m e n ' s v i e w s o f t h e m s e l v e s i n a v a r i e t y o f d i f f e r e n t w a y s . T o c i t e o n l y o n e e x a m p l e , m e n ' s u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f t h e m s e l v e s a s men a n d a s m a s c u l i n e h a s b e e n s i g n i f i c a n t l y i m p a c t e d b y w o m e n ' s e n t r a n c e i n t o w h a t h a s b e e n c a l l e d t h e w o r l d o f m e n ' s w o r k ( G e r s o n , 1 9 8 6 ; M i s h k i n d , R o d i n , S i l b e r s t e i n , & S t r i e g e l - M o o r e , 1 9 8 6 ) . W o m e n ' s e n t r a n c e i n t o t h i s p a r t i c u l a r w o r l d o f w o r k i n t h e 1 9 6 0 ' s c h a l l e n g e d n o t j u s t m e n ' s j o b s a n d p o w e r , b u t m a s c u l i n i t y i t s e l f . A s M i s h k i n d e t a l . ( 1 9 8 6 ) m o r e b r o a d l y p u t i t " w h e r e a s o n c e a man c o u l d b e a s s u r e d o f h i s m a s c u l i n i t y b y v i r t u e o f h i s o c c u p a t i o n , i n t e r e s t s , 4 o r c e r t a i n p e r s o n a l i t y c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s , many women now opt f o r the same r o l e s " (p . 555) . What t h i s suggests i s t h a t m a s c u l i n i t y i s a r e l a t i o n a l c o n s t r u c t t h a t i s a c t i v e l y n e g o t i a t e d i n r e l a t i o n t o f e m i n i n i t y . T h i s i s a c e n t r a l p o i n t i n much o f the contemporary work on m a s c u l i n i t y ( D o y l e , 1983; Kimmel , 1986, 1987; L e v a n t , 1992a; S e i d l e r , 1989) and c o n t r a s t s w i t h p r e v i o u s views o f m a s c u l i n i t y t h a t p o r t r a y e d i t as a n a t u r a l component o f a man's deve lopment , a v e s s e l i n t o which a l l men grew ( c f . P l e c k , 1981) . And the s p e c i f i c form o f m a s c u l i n i t y t h a t we a r e l o o k i n g a t i n t h i s s t u d y , wh i t e h e t e r o s e x u a l m a s c u l i n i t y , may a l s o be v iewed as d e v e l o p i n g and b e i n g d e f i n e d i n c o n t e x t o f h o m o s e x u a l i t y and b l a c k m a s c u l i n i t y . R u t h e r f o r d (1988) argues t h a t w h i t e h e t e r o s e x u a l m a s c u l i n i t y d e f i n e s i t s e l f by d e f i n i n g o t h e r s as p r o b l e m a t i c . He sugges ts t h a t what we men do not f e e l c o m f o r t a b l e w i t h i n o u r s e l v e s , we t h e n use i n our d e f i n i t i o n s o f o t h e r s . T h u s , the b l a c k man becomes a savage , l i m i t e d i n i n t e l l e c t and absent o f s o u l (Hunter & D a v i s , 1992) , the homosexual i s seen as a p e r v e r t , the woman weak and c o m p l i a n t . To be an a c c e p t a b l e man, t h e n , means t o deny, t o oppose , these o t h e r s . Men end 5 up h a v i n g a g r e a t d e a l a t s t a k e , "having t o d i f f e r e n t i a t e themse lves from b o t h women and homosexual men" (Kimmel , 1986) , and whi t e men h a v i n g t o d i f f e r e n t i a t e themse lves from b l a c k men. R u t h e r f o r d (1988) goes on t o suggest t h a t men's s o c i a l power r e s u l t s b o t h from e f f o r t s made t o d e f i n e t h e s e o t h e r s , as w e l l as e f f o r t s t o h i d e what i t means t o be a man. A s i g n i f i c a n t i s s u e t h a t a r i s e s from t h i s i s t h a t m a s c u l i n i t y i s d e f i n e d as much, perhaps more, by what i t i s not t h a n by what i t i s (Herek, 1986; S e i d l e r , 1989) . That i s , as men we grow up l e a r n i n g how t o behave by m a i n t a i n i n g our d i s t a n c e from c e r t a i n a c t i v i t i e s , s p e c i f i c a l l y those o r i e n t e d towards female b e h a v i o u r s , as much as b e h a v i n g i n ways t h a t a r e d e f i n e d as manly . "Boys may l e a r n t o be men p r i m a r i l y by l e a r n i n g not t o be women" (Herek, 1986, p . 571) . In Kaufman's (1987) v i e w , t h i s has produced a m a s c u l i n i t y t h a t i s " t e r r i f y i n g l y f r a g i l e " ( p . 1 3 ) . I f we a c c e p t t h i s argument, i t h e l p s us t o make sense o f the impact o f women's e n t r a n c e i n t o t r a d i t i o n a l l y male a r e n a s . F o r i f m a s c u l i n i t y i s d e f i n e d f o r us i n l a r g e measure (or i n d e e d i n any measure) by b e i n g t h a t which women do not d o , t h e n c l e a r l y when women b e g i n t o t a k e on p r e v i o u s l y male 6 r o l e s , j o b s , and b e h a v i o u r s t h i s w i l l f e e l l i k e a deep c h a l l e n g e t o m a s c u l i n i t y i t s e l f . I f women can i n d e e d do a n y t h i n g , t h e r e i s no space w i t h i n which t o d e f i n e m a s c u l i n i t y . T h i s a l s o sugges ts where a t l e a s t some o f men's r e s i s t a n c e t o feminism l i e s ( C a r r i g a n , C o n n e l l , & L e e , 1987; Kimmel , 1986) . In terms o f d o i n g r e s e a r c h i n t o m a s c u l i n i t y , the i s s u e a r i s e s o f whether i t w i l l be p o s s i b l e f o r men t o d e s c r i b e t h e i r e x p e r i e n c e s i n r e l a t i o n t o t h e i r b e i n g men. R u t h e r f o r d (1988) has the f o l l o w i n g t o s a y : In w r i t i n g I have become aware how h e t e r o s e x u a l men have i n h e r i t e d a language which can d e f i n e the l i v e s and s e x u a l i t i e s o f o t h e r s , but f a i l s us when we have t o d e a l w i t h our own h e t e r o s e x u a l i t y and m a s c u l i n e i d e n t i t i e s . . . O u r language d o e s n ' t produce us as s e x u a l s u b j e c t s o r a c a t e g o r y i n need o f a l a b e l (p . 2 2 ) . Of c o u r s e , t h e r e i s m a t e r i a l t h a t d e s c r i b e s the c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s o f m a s c u l i n i t y (Dav id & B r a n n o n , 1976; E i s l e r & B l a l o c k , 1991; O ' N e i l , 1982; P l e c k , 1981) . Brannon (1976) , f o r example , s t a t e s t h a t the f o u r themes o f m a s c u l i n i t y a r e (a) not b e i n g f e m i n i n e , (b) b e i n g i n d i v i d u a l i s t i c and u n e m o t i o n a l , (c) b e i n g succes s and c o m p e t i t i o n o r i e n t e d , and (d) b e i n g 7 a g g r e s s i v e . I n t e r e s t i n g l y , a l l f o u r o f t h e s e themes can be seen as ways o f b e i n g t h a t a r e s t e r e o t y p i c a l l y u n f e m i n i n e . T h a t i s , a l t h o u g h these themes i n m a s c u l i n i t y can be e x p r e s s e d , they can a l l be c o n s t r u e d as u n f e m i n i n e ways o f b e i n g . The dangers o f t h i s form o f d e f i n i t i o n a r e i n i t s f r a g i l i t y (Kaufman, 1987) and i n the ways t h a t i t keeps u s , as men, d i s t a n t from o u r s e l v e s (Ochberg , 1987) , our i d e n t i t i e s fragmented ( S e i d l e r , 1989) . What t h e n i s the advantage? R u t h e r f o r d (1988) sugges ts t h a t a l a r g e p a r t o f the advantage i s i n the way t h a t the l a c k o f d e f i n i t i o n m a i n t a i n s p a t r i a r c h a l power s t r u c t u r e s . I t makes men and m a s c u l i n i t y d i f f i c u l t t o p i n down and thus c o m p l i c a t e s e f f o r t s t o d e s c r i b e the s o u r c e s o f what might be wrong w i t h the system as i t s t a n d s . When those who i n h e r i t the power are h i d d e n from v i e w , i t i s d i f f i c u l t t o h o l d them a c c o u n t a b l e f o r what they d o . Indeed , i t w i l l even be d i f f i c u l t f o r t h o s e who a r e e n t i t l e d t o the power t o acknowledge t h a t a n y t h i n g i s wrong. A f u r t h e r i s s u e i s t h a t o f l anguage , as no ted by R u t h e r f o r d above . S e i d l e r (1989) sugges ts t h a t p a r t o f t h e c o n s o l i d a t i o n o f p a t r i a r c h a l power has i n v o l v e d men's " a c q u i r i n g a sense t h a t we can speak f o r a l l " ( p . 8 2 ) . He would a l s o agree t h a t t h i s i s p r o b l e m a t i c f o r men. F o r a l t h o u g h i t a l l o w s f o r the c o n s o l i d a t i o n o f p a t r i a r c h a l power i t "has made i t h a r d f o r us t o d i s t i n g u i s h p a r t i c u l a r m a s c u l i n e v o i c e s o r e x p e r i e n c e s " ( p . 2 ) . T h i s s i t u a t i o n has been e x a c e r b a t e d by a s o c i a l s c i e n c e t h a t has s t u d i e d men as Mankind and so n e g l e c t e d the e x p e r i e n c e s o f women (Morgan, 1981) . In p s y c h o l o g y s p e c i f i c a l l y , i t has been e x a c e r b a t e d by a parad igm t h a t v iewed m a s c u l i n i t y and f e m i n i n i t y as n a t u r a l u n p r o b l e m a t i c s t r u c t u r e s and so d i d not l e a v e room t o q u e s t i o n the s t a t u s quo (Kimmel , 1986; P l e c k , 1981) . The q u e s t i o n may a r i s e as t o what good t h e r e i s i n c o n d u c t i n g a s tudy such as t h i s , g i v e n t h a t t h e s o c i a l s c i e n c e s , f o r so l o n g , have f o c u s e d on men. I t i s a good q u e s t i o n , and one t h a t deserves an answer. The p r e s e n t s tudy i s p a r t o f a r e l a t i v e l y new a r e a c a l l e d men's s t u d i e s . In h i s c h a p t e r 'The Case F o r Men's S t u d i e s ' , Brod (1987) has t h i s t o s a y : Men's s t u d i e s argues t h a t w h i l e women's s t u d i e s c o r r e c t s the e x c l u s i o n o f women from the t r a d i t i o n a l canon caused by a n d r o c e n t r i c s c h o l a r s h i p ' s e l e v a t i o n o f jnan as male t o man as g e n e r i c human, the i m p l i c a t i o n s o f t h i s f a l l a c y 9 f o r o u r u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f men h a v e g o n e l a r g e l y u n r e c o g n i z e d . W h i l e seemingly a b o u t m e n , t r a d i t i o n a l s c h o l a r s h i p ' s t r e a t m e n t o f g e n e r i c man a s t h e human n o r m i n f a c t s y s t e m a t i c a l l y e x c l u d e s f r o m c o n s i d e r a t i o n w h a t i s u n i q u e t o men qua m e n . T h e o v e r g e n e r a l i z a t i o n f r o m m a l e t o g e n e r i c human e x p e r i e n c e n o t o n l y d i s t o r t s o u r u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f w h a t , i f a n y t h i n g , i s t r u l y g e n e r i c t o h u m a n i t y b u t a l s o p r e c l u d e s t h e s t u d y o f m a s c u l i n i t y a s a specific male e x p e r i e n c e , r a t h e r t h a n a u n i v e r s a l p a r a d i g m f o r human e x p e r i e n c e ( p . 4 0 ) . B r o d ' s p o i n t s e e m s c l e a r . I n t r e a t i n g men a s M a n k i n d , we h a v e e x c l u d e d b o t h women a n d m e n , a n d " i f t h e f o r m e r a r e o b s c u r e d f r o m o u r v i s i o n b y b e i n g t o o f a r i n t h e b a c k g r o u n d , t h e l a t t e r a r e o b s c u r e d f r o m o u r v i s i o n b y b e i n g . . . t o o much i n t h e f o r e g r o u n d " ( M o r g a n , 1 9 8 1 , p . 9 4 ) . W h a t i s n e c e s s a r y i s t o l i t e r a l l y " b r i n g men b a c k i n " ( M o r g a n , 1 9 8 1 , p . 1 0 8 ) . We n e e d t o e n g a g e i n r e s e a r c h t h a t t r e a t s men a s g e n d e r e d i n d i v i d u a l s r a t h e r t h a n a s M a n k i n d . We n e e d t o e n g a g e i n r e s e a r c h t h a t b r i n g s m a s c u l i n i t y i t s e l f i n t o f o c u s ( C a r r i g a n , C o n n e l l , & L e e , 1 9 8 7 ) . 10 One way t o d e a l w i t h t h i s d e s i r e t o f o c u s o n men q u a men w o u l d b e t o r e t u r n t o t h e l i t e r a t u r e t h a t t o o k men a s M a n k i n d a n d d e c o n s t r u c t i t i n l i g h t o f i n s i g h t s i n t o g e n d e r a n d m a s c u l i n i t y t h a t h a v e b e e n d e v e l o p i n g o v e r t h e l a s t 30 y e a r s ( A . R i c e , p e r s o n a l c o m m u n i c a t i o n , J u l y , 1 9 9 3 ) . A n o t h e r i s t o a t t e m p t t o b r e a k new g r o u n d i n t h e p r e s e n t a s t h i s s t u d y a t t e m p t s t o d o . P u r p o s e o f T h e S t u d y T h e p u r p o s e o f t h i s s t u d y i s t o u n d e r s t a n d , u s i n g a p h e n o m e n o l o g i c a l a p p r o a c h ( C o l a i z z i , 1 9 7 8 ; M a r s h a l l & R o s s m a n , 1 9 8 9 ) t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f b e i n g m a l e f r o m t h e p e r s p e c t i v e o f f i v e w h i t e , h e t e r o s e x u a l men l i v i n g i n t h e V a n c o u v e r a r e a i n t h e e a r l y 1 9 9 0 ' s . T h e a r e s e v e r a l w a y s i n w h i c h s u c h r e s e a r c h i s o f v a l u e . F i r s t , t h e r e i s a d e a r t h o f r e s e a r c h i n t o t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f b e i n g a m a n . T h i s i s a v o i d t h a t n e e d s t o b e a d d r e s s e d . S e c o n d , i n e x p l o r i n g m a s c u l i n i t y we p u l l b a c k some o f t h e c l o t h t h a t h i d e s i t s n a t u r e . A n d i n d o i n g s o , i n r e v e a l i n g m a s c u l i n i t y a n d o u r s e l v e s a s m e n , we r e d u c e t h e p o w e r o f t h e i n s t i t u t i o n o f p a t r i a r c h y ( B r o d , 1 9 8 7 ; K a u f m a n , 1 9 8 7 ; M o r g a n , 1 9 8 1 ) . T h i r d , i n e x p l o r i n g m a s c u l i n i t y a n d m e n ' s e x p e r i e n c e we 11 a l l o w f o r the p o s s i b i l i t y o f men h e a l i n g and g r o w i n g . In u n d e r s t a n d i n g how we have come t o be the men t h a t we a r e and the impact t h a t t h o s e , o f t e n u n c o n s c i o u s , c h o i c e s have had on o u r s e l v e s and t h o s e around u s , we may b e g i n t o r e p a i r some o f the f r a g m e n t a t i o n t h a t we have e x p e r i e n c e d and i n so d o i n g narrow the d i s t a n c e from o u r s e l v e s . D e f i n i t i o n s F o r the purposes o f the p r e s e n t s t u d y , t h e f o l l o w i n g d e f i n i t i o n s were u s e d : M a s c u l i n i t y . The d e f i n i t i o n o f m a s c u l i n i t y i n t h i s s t u d y i s n e c e s s a r i l y vague so as t o a l l o w the men's u n d e r s t a n d i n g s o f t h e i r own m a s c u l i n i t y t o a r i s e d u r i n g the i n t e r v i e w s . T h i s may i n v o l v e t h e i r r o l e s and g o a l s , o r t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s and t h e i r f e a r s . What I am i n t e r e s t e d i n i s how men d e f i n e what they t a k e t o be t h e i r m a s c u l i n i t y , and i n what ways t h e i r m a s c u l i n i t y i n t u r n d e f i n e s who they a r e . The C o n s t r u c t i o n o f M a s c u l i n i t y . C o n s t r u c t i v i s m i s an approach t h a t a s s e r t s t h a t " r a t h e r t h a n p a s s i v e l y o b s e r v i n g r e a l i t y , we a c t i v e l y c o n s t r u c t the meanings t h a t frame and o r g a n i z e our p e r c e p t i o n s and e x p e r i e n c e " ( H a r e - M u s t i n & M a r a c e k , 1988) . In t h i s s ense , m a s c u l i n i t y i s c o n c e i v e d o f not as something t h a t i s w i t h i n men w a i t i n g t o e x p r e s s 12 i t s e l f but r a t h e r as a f a c t o r t h a t we—and here we r e f e r s t o b o t h the i n d i v i d u a l and h i s c o n t e x t — c o n s t r u c t . T h i s i s i n c o n t r a s t t o what Joseph P l e c k (1981) has termed t h e male sex r o l e i d e n t i t y parad igm i n which the i n d i v i d u a l ' s m a s c u l i n e i d e n t i t y deve lops out o f an i n n a t e p s y c h o l o g i c a l need , and as s u c h , i t i s c o n c e i v e d o f as an emergent p a r t o f a m a l e ' s p e r s o n a l i t y . 13 C h a p t e r Two L i t e r a t u r e Review T h i s c h a p t e r p r e s e n t s a r e v i e w o f the l i t e r a t u r e f o c u s i n g on w h i t e , m i d d l e - c l a s s , h e t e r o s e x u a l m a s c u l i n i t y . I t beg ins w i t h a l o o k a t two o p p o s i n g paradigms o f m a s c u l i n i t y , the gender r o l e i d e n t i t y p a r a d i g m , and the gender r o l e s t r a i n p a r a d i g m . T h i s i s f o l l o w e d by a b r i e f l o o k a t some e a r l y m a t e r i a l on men and m a s c u l i n i t y and a r e v i e w o f the c u r r e n t l i t e r a t u r e on men. As O ' N e i l (1982) d i d i n h i s s e m i n a l work on the m a s c u l i n e m y s t i q u e , we can i d e n t i f y t h r e e s o u r c e s o f i n f o r m a t i o n on men and m a s c u l i n i t y : (a) p o p u l a r books , (b) non e m p i r i c a l a r t i c l e s and c h a p t e r s and books , and (c) e m p i r i c a l r e s e a r c h . T h i s t h i r d c a t e g o r y , i n t o which the p r e s e n t s tudy f i t s , c o n t i n u e s t o be o f a l i m i t e d q u a n t i t y . Two Paradigms The gender r o l e i d e n t i t y parad igm "assumes t h a t p e o p l e have an i n n e r p s y c h o l o g i c a l need t o have a gender r o l e i d e n t i t y , a n d . . . t h e e x t e n t t o which t h i s ' i n h e r e n t ' need i s met i s de termined by how c o m p l e t e l y t h e y embrace t h e i r t r a d i t i o n a l gender r o l e " ( L e v a n t , 14 1992b, p.381). Pleck (1987) suggests that the or i g i n s of t h i s theory are contained i n the work of Terman and Miles (1936), wherein they suggested that there i s a set of normal male and female t r a i t s and that, to the degree that a person possesses these t r a i t s , that man or woman i s normal. Deviants could therefore be determined i n part by t h e i r r e l a t i v e lack of normal male (for men) or female (for women) t r a i t s . Kimmel (1986) states that "the sex-role paradigm posits a h i s t o r i c a l l y invariant model, a kind of s t a t i c sex-role container into which a l l b i o l o g i c a l males and females are forced to f i t " . The degree to which one f i t s i n t o t h i s mold, therefore, becomes a s i g n i f i c a n t determinant of one's mental health. For men who do not f i t into the container, the r e s u l t may be homosexuality, b r u t a l i t y towards women, or hypermasculinity, t h i s l a t t e r term r e f e r r i n g to men who evidence "exaggerated, extreme masculine behaviour as a defense against (their) unconscious feminine i d e n t i f i c a t i o n " (Pleck, 1987, p. 31). As Levant (1992b) notes, "this paradigm springs from the same philosophical roots as the ' e s s e n t i a l i s t ' or ' n a t i v i s t ' view of sex roles--the notion that there i s a masculine 'essence' that i s h i s t o r i c a l l y invariant" (p.381). 15 P l e c k (1987) t r a c e s t h i s parad igm from i t s o r i g i n s w i t h Terman and M i l e s , t h r o u g h i t s t h e o r e t i c a l development from 1945 t o 1970, and f i n a l l y t o i t s d e c l i n e i n the l a s t t w e n t y - f i v e y e a r s . He sugges t s t h a t the t h e o r y ' s demise o c c u r r e d "not so much because o f a d e t a i l e d c r i t i q u e o f i t s i n t e r n a l problems as because o f new c o n c e p t u a l and r e s e a r c h developments and new s o c i a l a t t i t u d e s about sex r o l e s " (p . 3 7 ) . One o f t h e s e c o n c e p t u a l developments was P l e c k ' s (1981) own gender r o l e s t r a i n parad igm ( L e v a n t , 1992b). T h i s parad igm proposes t h a t : gender r o l e s a r e c o n t r a d i c t o r y and i n c o n s i s t e n t ; t h a t the p r o p o r t i o n o f persons who v i o l a t e gender r o l e s are h i g h ; t h a t v i o l a t i o n o f gender r o l e s l e a d s t o condemnation and n e g a t i v e consequences ; t h a t a c t u a l o r imagined v i o l a t i o n o f gender r o l e s l e a d s peop le t o over conform t o them; t h a t v i o l a t i n g gender r o l e s has more s e v e r e consequences f o r males than f o r f emale s ; and t h a t c e r t a i n gender r o l e t r a i t s ( such as male a g g r e s s i o n ) can de d y s f u n c t i o n a l ( L e v a n t , 1992b, p . 380) . G a r n e t s and P l e c k (1979) d e f i n e gender r o l e s t r a i n as "a d i s c r e p a n c y between the r e a l s e l f and t h a t p a r t 16 of the i d e a l s e l f concept that i s c u l t u r a l l y associated with gender" (p. 278). Levant (1992b) argues that, i n contrast to the gender r o l e i d e n t i t y paradigm, the gender r o l e s t r a i n paradigm "springs from the same roots as s o c i a l constructionism" (p. 380). I t acknowledges that gender roles are not s t a t i c and a h i s t o r i c a l , but rather are "the product of gender r e l a t i o n s that are h i s t o r i c a l l y and s o c i a l l y constructed" (Kimmel, 1986, p. 520). I t also suggests that gender roles are imposed upon ind i v i d u a l s as they develop according to the p a r t i c u l a r norms and stereotypes of the culture, rather than being a pre-e x i s t i n g inherent q u a l i t y into which i n d i v i d u a l s grow (Levant, 1992b). Kimmel (1986) c r i t i c i z e s the gender r o l e i d e n t i t y paradigm for i t s i n a b i l i t y to acknowledge the extent to which the content of men's and women's gender roles i s r e l a t i o n a l , and the degree to which "the d e f i n i t i o n of ei t h e r depends upon the d e f i n i t i o n of the other" (p. 520-521). He argues that the r o l e , the "laundry l i s t of behavioural c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s " (p. 521) that are associated with the r o l e , neither resembles the enactment of these r o l e s , nor gives us any clues as to what the experience of the r o l e might be l i k e . In 17 a d d i t i o n , the c o n s t r u c t i o n o f the r o l e as s t a t i c a h i s t o r i c a l t r u t h , "minimizes the e x t e n t t o which gender r e l a t i o n s are based on power " (p . 521) . T r a i t s o f the more p o w e r f u l g r o u p , men, become t h e d e s i r a b l e ones , whereas those o f the l e s s p o w e r f u l g r o u p , women, become a s s o c i a t e d w i t h weakness. The parad igm i t s e l f "reproduces the v e r y prob lem i t seeks t o unders tand" ( p . 521) . In c o n t r a s t , the c o n s t r u c t i v i s t v iew a l l o w s an h i s t o r i c a l v iew o f m a s c u l i n i t y , and the changes t h r o u g h which i t s d e f i n i t i o n , and the e x p e r i e n c e s o f men, move. I t r e j e c t s the n e c e s s i t y f o r the maintenance o f a s t a t i c form o f m a s c u l i n i t y t h a t has p r o v i d e d i d e o l o g i c a l j u s t i f i c a t i o n f o r the s t a t u s quo between men and women and f o r men's c o n t i n u e d dominance o f women ( P l e c k , 1987) . F i n a l l y , i t a l l o w s f o r the o p e n i n g up o f new areas o f e m p i r i c a l r e s e a r c h (Kimmel , 1986) . C a r r i g a n , C o n n e l l , and Lee (1987) c r i t i c i z e r o l e t h e o r y as a whole . They i d e n t i f y s e v e r a l problems i n u s i n g the c o n c e p t i o n o f r o l e i n any way. F i r s t i s t h e i r a s s e r t i o n t h a t "the s e x - r o l e l i t e r a t u r e does not c o n s i s t e n t l y d i s t i n g u i s h between the e x p e c t a t i o n s made o f p e o p l e and what they i n f a c t do" (p . 77 ) , a p o i n t s i m i l a r t o Kimmel ' s (1986) above . They f u r t h e r argue 18 t h a t " t h e r e s u l t o f u s i n g t h e r o l e f r a m e w o r k i s a n a b s t r a c t v i e w o f t h e differences b e t w e e n t h e s e x e s a n d t h e i r s i t u a t i o n s , n o t a c o n c r e t e o n e o f t h e relations b e t w e e n t h e m " ( p . 7 9 ) . F i n a l l y , t h e y a r e " b l u n t a b o u t i t . T h e ' m a l e s e x r o l e ' d o e s n o t e x i s t . I t i s i m p o s s i b l e t o i s o l a t e a ' r o l e ' t h a t c o n s t r u c t s m a s c u l i n i t y " ( p . 8 0 ) . P l e c k a n d T h o m p s o n ( 1 9 8 6 ) , i n t h e i n t r o d u c t i o n t o a r e c e n t s t u d y , a t t e m p t t o d e a l w i t h t h e c r i t i c i s m s o f r o l e t h e o r y . T h e y s u g g e s t t h a t t h e y a r e u s i n g " t h e t e r m ' m a l e r o l e ' t o r e f e r t o t h e s o c i a l n o r m s t h a t p r e s c r i b e a n d p r o s c r i b e w h a t men s h o u l d a n d s h o u l d n o t f e e l a n d d o . I t i s a sensitizing c o n c e p t t h a t s u m m a r i z e s t h e g e n e r a l s o c i a l e x p e c t a t i o n s men f a c e " ( p . 5 3 1 ) . T h e i r s t u d y i s r e v i e w e d b e l o w . I t w i l l b e n o t e d t h a t much o f t h e r e s e a r c h r e v i e w e d b e l o w f o c u s e s o n m a s c u l i n i t y a s r o l e . T h e g e n d e r r o l e s t r a i n p a r a d i g m m o v e s u s away f r o m t h e c o n c e p t i o n o f t h e r e b e i n g a c o r r e c t f o r m o f m a s c u l i n i t y a n d a l l o w s u s t o c o n c e i v e o f t h e s o c i a l c o n s t r a i n t s t h a t i m p i n g e o n men a s t h e y d e v e l o p i n t h i s c u l t u r e . P e r h a p s P l e c k a n d T h o m p s o n ' s ( 1 9 8 6 ) c a v e a t c o n c e r n i n g t h e i d e a o f r o l e i s e n o u g h t o s o l v e t h e p r o b l e m s t h a t C a r r i g a n e t . a l ( 1 9 8 7 ) p r e s e n t a b o v e . W h a t i s 19 i n t e r e s t i n g i s t h a t a good d e a l o f the work i n the a r e a o f m a s c u l i n i t y as rev iewed below c o n t i n u e s t o focus on the r o l e and the s o c i a l c o n s t r a i n t s as t h e o r i z e d by the a u t h o r s and g e n e r a l l y n e g l e c t s the a c t u a l e x p e r i e n c e s o f t h e men t h e m s e l v e s . On Men and M a s c u l i n i t y One o f the e a r l i e s t books t h a t f o c u s e d on the d e l e t e r i o u s consequences o f gender r o l e s t r a i n was F a s t e a u ' s (1975) The Male M a c h i n e . H i s assessment o f the male e x p e r i e n c e , the male machine , i s worth q u o t i n g a t l e n g t h . The male machine i s a s p e c i a l k i n d o f b e i n g , d i f f e r e n t from women, c h i l d r e n , and men who d o n ' t measure u p . He i s f u n c t i o n a l , d e s i g n e d m a i n l y f o r work. He i s programmed t o t a c k l e j o b s , o v e r r i d e o b s t a c l e s , a t t a c k p r o b l e m s , and always t o s e i z e the o f f e n s i v e . . . a n d h i s most i m p o r t a n t p o s i t i v e r e i n f o r c e m e n t i s v i c t o r y . He has armor p l a t i n g which i s v i r t u a l l y i m p r e g n a b l e . H i s c i r c u i t s a r e never s crambled o r o v e r r u n by i r r e l e v a n t p e r s o n a l s i g n a l s . In f a c t , h i s i n t e r n a l c i r c u i t r y i s something o f a mystery t o him and i s m a i n t a i n e d p r i m a r i l y by humans o f the o p p o s i t e sex (p . 1 ) . 20 F a s t e a u goes on t o c h r o n i c l e the consequences o f b e i n g a male machine: (a) e m o t i o n a l d i s t a n c e from f a m i l y , f r i e n d s , and i n d e e d o n e s e l f ; (b) never knowing one ' s c h i l d r e n ; (c) w o r k i n g t o the p o i n t o f e x h a u s t i o n and i l l h e a l t h ; (d) s e x u a l i n s e c u r i t y ; and (e) l a c k o f i n t i m a t e f r i e n d s h i p s . He argues t h a t much o f the p a i n o f b e i n g a male machine i s the r e s u l t o f the s o c i a l i z e d need t o compete. F a s t e a u a l s o o u t l i n e s the consequences f o r Western s o c i e t y i n terms o f Watergate and the V i e t n a m war, which were t h e n contemporary events , as w e l l as i n s t i t u t i o n a l i z e d forms o f misogyny and p a t r i a r c h y . F a s t e a u argues t h a t the male gender r o l e as promoted by A m e r i c a n c u l t u r e i s u n h e a l t h y b o t h f o r the i n d i v i d u a l and f o r the c u l t u r e as a who le . T o l s o n (1977) , a n o t h e r e a r l y w r i t e r i n the f i e l d , would a g r e e . Indeed , he argues t h a t the v a l u e system o f the male machine i s i n s t i t u t i o n a l i z e d t o the p o i n t where a l l o f our Western i n s t i t u t i o n s o p e r a t e a c c o r d i n g t o i t s v a l u e s and norms. Skord and Schumacher (1982) c a r r y on t h i s v i ew o f the n e g a t i v e e f f e c t s o f the male r o l e . They "propose t h a t the male sex r o l e i s a h a n d i c a p p i n g c o n d i t i o n " (p . 288) and o u t l i n e the problems t h a t men e x p e r i e n c e i n the r o l e o f b e i n g s i c k , d i s a b l e d , and i n 21 r e h a b i l i t a t i o n . T h e y e x p l o r e t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p b e t w e e n i l l n e s s , r e c o v e r y a n d m a s c u l i n i t y , a n d c o n c l u d e t h a t s u c c e s s f u l r e h a b i l i t a t i o n i s p r e d i c a t e d b y t h e c l i e n t ' s a c c e p t a n c e o f h e l p , a c k n o w l e d g m e n t o f d e p e n d e n c e , a n d w i l l i n g n e s s t o c o o p e r a t e . T h e s e d e m a n d s a r e i n c o n g r u e n t w i t h t h e p r e s e n t m a s c u l i n e r o l e ( p . 2 8 8 ) . I n c h a p t e r f i v e we s h a l l r e t u r n t o t h e i s s u e s s u r r o u n d i n g t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p b e t w e e n m a s c u l i n i t y a n d s e e k i n g h e l p . B u r d a , T u s h u p a n d H a c k m a n ( 1 9 9 2 ) , i n a m o r e r e c e n t s t u d y , l o o k e d a t t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p b e t w e e n " t r a d i t i o n a l m a s c u l i n e a t t i t u d e s a n d s o c i a l s u p p o r t i n a l c o h o l i c m a l e s a n d i n n o n - a l c o h o l i c m a l e c o l l e g e s t u d e n t s " ( p . 1 8 8 ) . Wha t t h e y f o u n d was a r e l a t i o n s h i p b e t w e e n a l c o h o l i s m a n d a d h e r e n c e t o t r a d i t i o n a l m a s c u l i n e v a l u e s a n d b e l i e f s . A l t h o u g h t h e y a c k n o w l e d g e t h e c o r r e l a t i o n a l n a t u r e o f t h e i r s t u d y , t h e y s u g g e s t t h a t " s t r o n g a d h e r e n c e t o t r a d i t i o n a l g e n d e r r o l e s may make i t m o r e d i f f i c u l t f o r men t o c o p e s u c c e s s f u l l y w i t h d e p e n d e n c y n e e d s , l e a d i n g t o a l c o h o l u s e a s a n e f f e c t i v e b u t s e l f - d e s t r u c t i v e c o p i n g s t r a t e g y " ( p . 1 9 1 ) . 22 I s e n h a r t and S i l v e r s m i t h (1994) a l s o l o o k e d a t t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p between the t r a d i t i o n a l male r o l e and a l c o h o l i s m . They argue t h a t "a man i s supposed t o be o u t g o i n g , competent , and i n c o n t r o l i n r e l a t i o n s h i p s , ( a n d ) . . . f o r the man who cannot meet t h i s e x p e c t a t i o n because o f s h y n e s s , l a c k o f c o n f i d e n c e , a n d / o r s o c i a l a n x i e t y , he may l e a r n t o use a l c o h o l t o improve h i s f u n c t i o n i n g i n i n t e r p e r s o n a l s i t u a t i o n s " (p . 130-131) . They a l s o argue t h a t men are t r a d i t i o n a l l y p r o h i b i t e d from d e m o n s t r a t i n g a f f e c t and t h a t as men, b e i n g human, do i n f a c t e x p e r i e n c e a f f e c t they may use a l c o h o l t o manage the f e e l i n g s t h a t they never l e a r n e d t o manage f o r t h e m s e l v e s . T h i s r e s o n a t e s w i t h F a s t e a u ' s (1975) s u g g e s t i o n t h a t members o f the o p p o s i t e sex a r e g i v e n the t a s k o f d o i n g the managing f o r men. I s e n h a r t and S i l v e r s m i t h (1994) base t h e i r b e l i e f s about t r a d i t i o n a l male norms on the work o f O ' N e i l (1982) and D a v i d and Brannon (1976) . O ' N e i l (1982) o u t l i n e s what he c a l l s the M a s c u l i n e M y s t i q u e and V a l u e System, which "shapes male a s s u m p t i o n s , e x p e c t a n c i e s , r o l e s , and b e h a v i o u r s " (p . 6 7 ) . T h i s system s t a t e s t h a t men s h o u l d (a) be i n c o n t r o l o f themse lves and t h e i r env i ronment ; (b) a v o i d e x p r e s s i o n s o f f e e l i n g and the s i t u a t i o n s i n which they a r i s e ; (c) focus on w i n n i n g , 23 a c h i e v i n g and s u c c e e d i n g i n c a r e e r m a t t e r s i n o r d e r t o m a i n t a i n h i g h p e r s o n a l w o r t h ; (d) m a i n t a i n an a t t i t u d e o f s u p e r i o r i t y i n r e l a t i o n t o women; (e) a v o i d i n t i m a c y w i t h women and o t h e r men; ( f ) a v o i d s e e k i n g h e l p from o t h e r s ; (g) and b e l i e v e t h a t t h i s b e l i e f sys tem and the m a s c u l i n e e thos t h a t i t shapes a r e s u p e r i o r t o t h e i r f e m i n i n e c o u n t e r p a r t . In D a v i d and B r a n n o n ' s (1976) The F o r t y - n i n e P e r c e n t M a j o r i t y , Brannon (1976) argues t h a t t h e r e a r e f o u r main themes t o the s o c i a l c o n s t r u c t i o n o f m a s c u l i n i t y . They a r e the w e l l known "No S i s s y S t u f f " , "Be a S t u r d y Oak", "Be A B i g Wheel" , and "Give 'Em H e l l " . The No S i s s y S t u f f theme d i s c o u r a g e s men from engag ing i n any s o r t o f b e h a v i o u r t h a t may be c o n s i d e r e d f e m i n i n e o r r e l a t e d t o the b e h a v i o u r o f women. The Be a S t u r d y Oak theme encourages men t o be d i s t a n t and t o s t a n d on t h e i r own. The Be a B i g Wheel theme demands t h a t men be success o r i e n t e d and never a c c e p t f a i l u r e . A man must t a k e up e v e r y c h a l l e n g e and t r e a t a l l i n t e r a c t i o n s as a form o f c o m p e t i t i o n i n which t h e y must come out the w i n n e r . T h i s t a k e s us back t o F a s t e a u ' s (1975) a s s e r t i o n t h a t s o c i a l i z e d c o m p e t i t i v e n e s s i s the source o f much o f men's p a i n . The G i v e 'Em H e l l theme encourages men t o be a g g r e s s i v e 24 i n t h e i r d e a l i n g s w i t h o t h e r s , e s p e c i a l l y i n s i t u a t i o n s i n which the man wants something from someone e l s e . E i s l e r and B l a l o c k (1991) would c o n c u r . In t h e i r d i s c u s s i o n o f m a s c u l i n e gender r o l e s t r e s s (MGRS), t h e y note t h a t b e h a v i o u r s t h a t a r e c o n s i d e r e d d e s p i c a b l e i n t h e commiss ion o f c r i m i n a l a c t s , a r e app lauded when c a r r i e d out i n the arenas o f s p o r t s , the m i l i t a r y and b u s i n e s s . They c o n c l u d e t h a t a g g r e s s i v e n e s s and combat iveness a r e " s o c i a l l y s a n c t i o n e d male c o p i n g s t y l e s " (p . 4 8 ) . Hav ing p r e v i o u s l y d e v e l o p e d a measure o f MGRS ( E i s l e r & Skidmore , 1987) , the 1991 a r t i c l e goes on t o i n v e s t i g a t e a f a c t o r a n a l y s i s o f the i n s t r u m e n t . T h i s a n a l y s i s y i e l d s f i v e i n t e r p r e t a b l e f a c t o r s t h a t suggest e x p e r i e n c e s t h a t cause men t o e x p e r i e n c e s t r e s s . They a r e : (a) f e a r o f f a i l i n g t o be c o m p e t i t i v e ; (b) b e i n g f a c e d w i t h s i t u a t i o n s t h a t r e q u i r e e x p r e s s i o n o f e m o t i o n s , o r e x p e r i e n c i n g i n t e n s e emotions i n a n o t h e r ; (c) p e r c e i v i n g a c o m p e t i t i v e t h r e a t from a woman; (d) f e a r o f f a i l i n g t o be smart enough i n a g i v e n s i t u a t i o n ; and (e) f e a r o f f a i l i n g t o l i v e up t o m a s c u l i n e s t a n d a r d s r e l a t i n g t o work and s e x u a l adequacy . The authors t h e n t r a c e the l e g a c y o f problems t h a t a r i s e f o r men from these f e a r s and s t r e s s o r s . They i n c l u d e (a) men's n e g a t i v e a t t i t u d e s 25 towards women, (b) d i f f i c u l t y i n s e e k i n g c o u n s e l l i n g , (c) overemphas is on work and c a r e e r , (d) i n c r e a s e d v u l n e r a b i l i t y t o so c a l l e d Type A i l l n e s s e s such as h e a r t a t t a c k and p e p t i c u l c e r , and (e) a h o s t o f problems t h a t may be l o c a t e d i n men's r e l a t i o n s h i p s w i t h o t h e r s . They s t a t e : Because men t e n d t o deny t h e i r needs f o r e m o t i o n a l s u p p o r t from t h e i r p a r t n e r s , they w i l l f i n d i t d i f f i c u l t t o have those needs met. T h u s , m a s c u l i n e p r o h i b i t i o n s and d i f f i c u l t i e s w i t h e m o t i o n a l e x p r e s s i v e n e s s make i t d i f f i c u l t f o r men t o m a i n t a i n m u t u a l l y s u p p o r t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p s (p . 5 6 ) . T h e i r v iews f a l l s q u a r e l y i n l i n e w i t h P l e c k ' s (1981) gender r o l e s t r a i n p a r a d i g m . They c o n c l u d e t h a t t h e r e i s a s t r o n g r e l a t i o n s h i p between MGRS and d y s f u n c t i o n a l b e h a v i o u r p a t t e r n s i n men. A number o f o t h e r s t u d i e s have s e t out t o de termine the u n d e r l y i n g assumptions o f the t r a d i t i o n a l male r o l e v a l u e sys tem. P l e c k and Thompson (1986) s e t out t o s tudy men's a t t i t u d e s towards the male sex r o l e . In t h e i r s tudy they asked a group o f 400 c o l l e g e men t o re spond t o 57 b e l i e f s ta tements about men's e x p e c t e d b e h a v i o u r . They found t h a t the i tems c o u l d be broken 26 down i n t o t h r e e f a c t o r s : a s t a t u s n o r m w h i c h u n d e r s c o r e s " m e n ' s n e e d t o a c h i e v e s t a t u s a n d o t h e r s ' r e s p e c t " ( p . 5 3 4 ) ; a t o u g h n e s s n o r m t h a t " r e f l e c t s t h e e x p e c t a t i o n s t h a t men s h o u l d b e m e n t a l l y , e m o t i o n a l l y a n d p h y s i c a l l y t o u g h a n d s e l f - r e l i a n t " ( p . 5 3 4 ) ; a n d a n a n t i f e m i n i n i t y f a c t o r " t h a t r e f e r s t o t h e b e l i e f t h a t men s h o u l d a v o i d s t e r e o t y p i c a l l y f e m i n i n e a c t i v i t i e s a n d o c c u p a t i o n s " ( p . 5 3 4 ) . I n t e r m s o f t h e m e n ' s a t t i t u d e s t o t h e s e t h r e e f a c t o r s , t h e t o u g h n e s s n o r m w a s o n l y s l i g h t l y s u p p o r t e d , t h e s t a t u s n o r m was n e i t h e r s u p p o r t e d n o r r e j e c t e d , a n d t h e a n t i f e m i n i n i t y n o r m was s l i g h t l y r e j e c t e d . T h i s w o u l d s e e m t o s u g g e s t t h a t , a l t h o u g h t h e c o l l e g e s t u d e n t s p e r c e i v e d t h e i t e m s i n t e r m s o f t h r e e d e f i n a b l e n o r m s , t h e y w e r e n o t n o r m s w i t h w h i c h t h e y g e n e r a l l y a g r e e d . We a r e l e f t w o n d e r i n g w h a t i t m i g h t mean f o r s o m e t h i n g t o b e t e r m e d a n o r m , a n d , m o r e i m p o r t a n t l y , w h a t m i g h t b e t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f t h e s e men i n r e l a t i o n t o t h e n o r m s t o w h i c h t h e y d o o r d o n o t a d h e r e . M o o r e a n d N u t t a l l ( 1 9 8 1 ) u s e d t h e Bern S e x R o l e I n v e n t o r y ( B S R I ; Bern, 1 9 7 4 ) t o a s s e s s m e n ' s a n d w o m e n ' s b e l i e f s a b o u t m a l e s t e r e o t y p e s . T h e B S R I r a t e s i n d i v i d u a l s a l o n g t w o s c a l e s , a m a s c u l i n e o r i n s t r u m e n t a l s c a l e , a n d f e m i n i n e o r e x p r e s s i v e s c a l e . 27 One group o f men and women was asked t o comple te the BSRI as though they were r a t i n g the t y p i c a l m a l e . A second group o f men and women was asked t o r a t e the i d e a l m a l e . As w e l l , t h r e e groups o f men were asked t o r a t e one o f e i t h e r t h e m s e l v e s , t h e i r i d e a l s e l f , o r a woman's i d e a l man. The d a t a suggest t h a t : (a) Men and women see the t y p i c a l male as i n s t r u m e n t a l and i n e x p r e s s i v e ; (b) A l t h o u g h b o t h men and women f e l t t h a t the i d e a l male needed t o be more e x p r e s s i v e t h a n the t y p i c a l ma le , men's r a t i n g s f o r the i d e a l male were more e x p r e s s i v e t h a n women's; (c) Men's r a t i n g s o f t h e i r p e r c e p t i o n s o f a woman's i d e a l man were s i g n i f i c a n t l y more e x p r e s s i v e and s l i g h t l y l e s s i n s t r u m e n t a l t h a n women's r a t i n g s o f t h e i r i d e a l man; (d) Men r a t e d themse lves as b o t h more i n s t r u m e n t a l and more e x p r e s s i v e t h a n the i d e a l male as r a t e d by women; (e) Men r a t e d the i d e a l man as more e x p r e s s i v e and l e s s i n s t r u m e n t a l t h a n t h e m s e l v e s . The a u t h o r s c o n c l u d e t h a t "males a r e i n d e e d c o n f r o n t e d by c o n t r a d i c t o r y demands and e x p e c t a t i o n s " (p . 324) . One s i g n i f i c a n t prob lem w i t h t h i s s t u d y i s the f a c t t h a t we do not know whether o r not the men and the women would i n t e r p r e t the meaning o f i tems r e f e r r i n g t o e x p r e s s i v e n e s s , f o r example , i n the same way. I t seems 28 e n t i r e l y p r o b a b l e t h a t what, f o r a man, would be e x p r e s s i v e b e h a v i o u r , might seem somewhat i n e x p r e s s i v e i n a woman's e y e s . One s t r i k i n g example o f t h i s s o r t o f d u a l p e r c e p t i o n i s i n the a r e a o f house work. A l t h o u g h husbands who do house work may f e e l t h a t t h e y do a s i g n i f i c a n t amount, wives g e n e r a l l y f e e l t h a t t h e i r husbands do l e s s t h a n what the men c l a i m ( S t e i n , 1984) . However, the r e s u l t s o f Moore and N u t t a l l ' s (1981) work do sugges t t h a t men want t o change and t h a t t h e i r p e r c e p t i o n i s t h a t women a l s o want them t o change . P a r t i c u l a r a s p e c t s o f men's l i v e s and t h e i r e x p e r i e n c e s o f these a s p e c t s have a l s o been s t u d i e d , a l t h o u g h t h e r e i s much l e s s o f t h i s m a t e r i a l t h a n e i t h e r the p o p u l a r p o l e m i c a l work l i k e F a s t e a u ' s (1975) , o r the t h e o r e t i c a l work o f O ' N e i l (1982) no ted above . Messner (1987) e x p l o r e d the r e l a t i o n s h i p between young men's sense o f s e l f and t h e i r p a r t i c i p a t i o n i n o r g a n i z e d s p o r t s . He sugges ts t h a t o r g a n i z e d s p o r t s grew i n importance i n young men's l i v e s i n A m e r i c a as a r e s u l t o f the c l o s i n g o f the Amer ican f r o n t i e r a t the b e g i n n i n g o f t h i s c e n t u r y , the i n c r e a s i n g b u r e a u c r a t i z a t i o n o f work i n the p o s t - W o r l d War I I e r a , and the c o n t i n u e d i n s i s t e n c e i n A m e r i c a t h a t t o be a 29 man meant t o "amount t o something" (p . 196) . He i n t e r v i e w s a number o f men who had succes s a t a v a r i e t y o f l e v e l s , b o t h amateur and p r o f e s s i o n a l . The r e s u l t s o f t h e s e i n t e r v i e w s suggest a number o f c o n c l u s i o n s r e l e v a n t t o the p r e s e n t s t u d y . F i r s t , we f i n d t h a t when the r u l e i s s u c c e s s , most men are " ' se t up ' f o r d i s a p p o i n t m e n t , o r worse , by the n a r r o w . . . d e f i n i t i o n o f succes s i n the s p o r t s w o r l d and the r e a l i t y t h a t v e r y few e v e r a c t u a l l y r e a c h the top" (p . 201) . Second , we f i n d t h a t succes s i s judged i n terms o f p e r f o r m a n c e . " Y o u ' r e o n l y as good as y o u r l a s t game" (p . 199) . F i n a l l y , M e s s n e r ' s work sugges ts t h a t any sense o f inadequacy on the p a r t o f men today i s more t h a n t h e r e s u l t o f d e f i n i t i o n s o f m a s c u l i n i t y t h a t a r e u n a c h i e v a b l e . Contemporary males o f t e n f e e l empty, a l i e n a t e d and i s o l a t e d , and as f a i l u r e s because the s o c i a l l y l e a r n e d means t h r o u g h which they seek v a l i d a t i o n and i d e n t i t y (achievement i n the p u b l i c w o r l d s o f s p o r t s and work) do not d e l i v e r what i s a c t u a l l y c r a v e d and needed: i n t i m a t e c o n n e c t i o n and u n i t y w i t h o t h e r human be ings (p . 208) . T h i s c o n c l u s i o n i s based on the r e a l e x p e r i e n c e s o f the men t h a t Messner i n t e r v i e w e d . In the i n t e r v i e w s 30 they t a l k e d o f the d e s i r e f o r some k i n d o f c o n n e c t i o n , f o r a k i n d o f c l o s e n e s s . Messner argues t h a t the a t t r a c t i o n o f s p o r t i s t h a t one can work a t c l o s e n e s s w i t h o t h e r men w i t h o u t v i o l a t i n g the m a s c u l i n e norms which l i m i t e m o t i o n a l e x p r e s s i o n and encourage homophobia. O c h e l b e r g (1987) l o o k e d a t men's e x p e r i e n c e o f c a r e e r , and i t s r e l a t i o n s h i p t o the i d e o l o g y o f r o l e , b o t h f o r the i n d i v i d u a l men and f o r the d i s c i p l i n e o f gender s t u d i e s . O c h e l b e r g focuses on i n t e r v i e w s t h a t he conduc ted w i t h two men c o n c e r n i n g t h e i r c a r e e r s . He c o n c l u d e s t h a t these men use t h e i r c a r e e r s as an o p p o r t u n i t y t o a c t i n a r o l e , which a c t t h e n a l l o w s them t o escape from t h e m s e l v e s , t h e i r f e a r s , and t h e i r i n a d e q u a c i e s . O c h e l b e r g argues t h a t men e x p e r i e n c e a t e n s i o n between b e i n g "both c o l l e g i a l and d i s p a s s i o n a t e " (p . 175) i n t h e i r c a r e e r s , and t h a t t a k i n g the d e f e n s i v e p o s i t i o n o f d e a l i n g w i t h t h e i r c a r e e r s as i f they were i n a r o l e a l l o w s a s o l u t i o n . Through h i s i n t e r v i e w s w i t h the two men o f h i s s t u d y , we come t o see t h a t " i n e x p e r i e n c i n g t h e i r s e l v e s as r o l e s , b o t h men escape a more p r i v a t e e x p e r i e n c e o f s e l f h o o d " (p . 187) . And f u r t h e r , t h a t they "exper i ence themse lves i n terms o f t h e i r v a l u e t o o t h e r s " (p . 187) . 31 T h e i r a c t i o n s are an a b d i c a t i o n o f t h e i r s e l f h o o d which " u l t i m a t e l y degrades t h e i r s u b j e c t i v i t y " ( p . 187) and s u b j u g a t e s "the p r i v a t e man t o the p u b l i c one" (p . 190) . In t h e o r e t i c a l t e r m s , O c h e l b e r g r e l a t e s the men's b e h a v i o u r t o t h a t o f t h e o r i s t s whose approach t o the s t u d y o f m a s c u l i n i t y i s t o v a l u e the p u b l i c o v e r the p r i v a t e man, and the s o c i a l c o n s t r a i n t s and c u l t u r a l i n j u n c t i o n s o v e r the e x p e r i e n c e s o f the men i n t h e s e c u l t u r e s . I f i t i s the case t h a t "men's s t u d i e s has t a k e n as p a r t o f i t s d i s c i p l i n a r y mandate the c r i t i q u e o f c u l t u r a l forms t h a t d i m i n i s h male s u b j e c t i v i t y " ( O c h e l b e r g , 1987, p . 190) , t h e n i t i s incumbent on us t o d e l v e i n t o the a c t u a l e x p e r i e n c e s o f the men who a r e assumed t o be impacted by the s o c i a l c o n s t r a i n t s and the c u l t u r a l i n j u n c t i o n s . The i s s u e o f f r i e n d s h i p s between men has a l s o been s t u d i e d . S h e r r o d (1987) l o o k e d a t the n a t u r e o f m a l e -male f r i e n d s h i p s t h r o u g h h i s own and o t h e r s ' r e s e a r c h . He draws a number o f c o n c l u s i o n s , s e v e r a l o f wh ich a r e germane t o the p r e s e n t work. In terms o f s e l f -d i s c l o s u r e , S h e r r o d found t h a t men a r e much more l i k e l y t o share i n t i m a t e and v u l n e r a b l e i n f o r m a t i o n w i t h a woman t h a n a man. F u r t h e r , i n s t u d y i n g male -male and 32 f e m a l e - f e m a l e f r i e n d s h i p s , S h e r r o d , Cohen and C l a r k (1985, c i t e d i n S h e r r o d , 1987) found t h a t men t e n d t o be l e s s s a t i s f i e d w i t h t h e i r f r i e n d s h i p s t h a n women and t h a t men r a t e t h e i r f r i e n d s h i p s as l e s s p o s i t i v e t h a n do women. S h e r r o d (1987) t h e n c o n c l u d e s t h a t , a l t h o u g h from one p e r s p e c t i v e , men's f r i e n d s h i p s may be seen t o be l e s s i n t i m a t e t h a n women's, from a n o t h e r p e r s p e c t i v e , the q u e s t i o n may be the wrong one . He sugges t s t h a t men "seek not i n t i m a c y but c o m p a n i o n s h i p , not d i s c l o s u r e but commitment" (p . 221) . He argues t h a t whereas women's f r i e n d s h i p s a r e based on s h a r e d i n t i m a c y , men's f r i e n d s h i p s are based on s h a r e d a c t i v i t i e s . T h i s i s r e m i n i s c e n t o f what Messner (1987) sugges t s i s a t the b a s i s o f males ' i n t e r e s t i n s p o r t s . I t o f f e r s a c l o s e n e s s t h a t i s based on s h a r e d p u r s u i t s , on s h a r e d r i s k s , which e x p e r i e n c e s are consonant w i t h c e r t a i n o f the male r o l e norms d i s c u s s e d above . S h e r r o d f e e l s p o s i t i v e about the f u t u r e o f male f r i e n d s h i p s because he takes an h i s t o r i c a l p e r s p e c t i v e on the i s s u e which r e v e a l s p r e v i o u s e r a s i n which m a l e -male f r i e n d s h i p a l l o w e d the e x p r e s s i o n o f l o v e and i n t i m a c y . A t the same t i m e , he has t h i s t o s a y : The prob lem w i t h the male p a t h t o f r i e n d s h i p i s not so much i t s p e c u l i a r l y male d e s t i n a t i o n but 33 i t s r o c k y , w i n d i n g , l o n e l y r o u t e . W i t h o u t the d i r e c t acces s o f i n t i m a t e d i s c l o s u r e , e m o t i o n a l c a t h a r s i s , o r p h y s i c a l a f f i r m a t i o n , male f r i e n d s h i p s p r o g r e s s s l o w l y and h a l t i n g l y toward the g o a l o f i n t i m a c y ( S h e r r o d , 1987, p p . 236-237) . Summary T h i s c h a p t e r has rev iewed the two major paradigms i n contemporary r e s e a r c h i n t o m a s c u l i n i t y . I t has a l s o e x p l o r e d l i t e r a t u r e f o c u s i n g on men and m a s c u l i n i t y . Much o f what has been rev iewed p o i n t s t o the p r o b l e m a t i c n a t u r e o f c e r t a i n d e f i n i t i o n s o f m a s c u l i n i t y and t h e i r d e l e t e r i o u s impact on many men. T h i s r e v i e w a l s o demonstrates the d e a r t h o f q u a l i t a t i v e r e s e a r c h i n t o the e x p e r i e n c e s o f men. 34 C h a p t e r Three Methodology T h i s c h a p t e r i n t r o d u c e s , and p r o v i d e s j u s t i f i c a t i o n f o r , the methodology s e l e c t e d f o r t h e r e s e a r c h . T h i s i s f o l l o w e d by a s e c t i o n t h a t s e r v e s t o b r a c k e t my b i a s e s a n d , f i n a l l y , a s e r i e s o f s e c t i o n s t h a t o u t l i n e the methodology i t s e l f . T h i s r e s e a r c h u t i l i z e s a q u a l i t a t i v e , p h e n o m e n o l o g i c a l approach i n v o l v i n g s e m i - s t r u c t u r e d i n -d e p t h i n t e r v i e w s . Such an approach f i t s w i t h t h i s r e s e a r c h f o r s e v e r a l r e a s o n s . A p h e n o m e n o l o g i c a l a p p r o a c h i s u s e f u l when l i t t l e i s known about a s u b j e c t , and when one wants t o e x p l o r e the depths o f meaning f o r those b e i n g i n t e r v i e w e d ( M a r s h a l l & Rossman, 1989) . As t h i s r e s e a r c h was u n d e r t a k e n t o u n d e r s t a n d b e t t e r the e x p e r i e n c e o f b e i n g m a l e , f rom t h e p e r s p e c t i v e o f men l i v i n g the e x p e r i e n c e , and as my i n t e r e s t was i n r e a c h i n g a depth o f u n d e r s t a n d i n g and a n a l y s i s t h a t a d d r e s s e d i s s u e s o f meaning f o r t h e s e men, a p h e n o m e n o l o g i c a l approach was a p p r o p r i a t e ( C o l a i z z i , 1978) . F u r t h e r , I chose a q u a l i t a t i v e methodology because i t , more t h a n a q u a n t i t a t i v e a p p r o a c h , i s consonant w i t h the c o n s t r u c t i v i s t p e r s p e c t i v e which u n d e r l i e s 35 t h i s r e s e a r c h . C o n s t r u c t i v i s m i s a n a p p r o a c h t h a t a s s e r t s t h a t " r a t h e r t h a n p a s s i v e l y o b s e r v i n g r e a l i t y , we a c t i v e l y c o n s t r u c t t h e m e a n i n g s t h a t f r a m e a n d o r g a n i z e o u r p e r c e p t i o n s a n d e x p e r i e n c e " ( H a r e - M u s t i n & M a r a c e k , 1 9 8 8 ) . H a v i n g a d o p t e d t h e t h e o r e t i c a l p e r s p e c t i v e t h a t m a s c u l i n i t y i s c o n s t r u c t e d b y i n d i v i d u a l s i n s o c i e t y , b y s o c i e t y t h r o u g h i n d i v i d u a l s , a n d i n r e l a t i o n s h i p t o o t h e r c o n s t r u c t s l i k e f e m i n i n i t y , I f e l t i t i n c u m b e n t o n me t o e m p l o y a m e t h o d o l o g y t h a t r e f l e c t s t h a t b e l i e f a n d t h a t f o r c e s me t o a c k n o w l e d g e my p a r t i n t h e c o n s t r u c t i o n o f t h e r e a l i t y t h a t i s t h e d a t a . H a v i n g d o n e s o , t h e r e e x i s t s a " c o n s i s t e n c y b e t w e e n t h e . . . p h i l o s o p h i c a l a s s u m p t i o n s u n d e r p i n n i n g t h e r e s e a r c h t o b e c o n d u c t e d a n d t h e t o o l s o f d a t a c o l l e c t i o n a n d a n a l y s i s c h o s e n " ( P o p e & D e n i c o l o , 1 9 8 6 , p . 1 5 7 ) . T h e i m p l i c a t i o n s o f o n e ' s c h o i c e o f m e t h o d o l o g y a r e f a r - r e a c h i n g . T h e i m p o r t a n c e o f t h e m e t h o d c h o s e n g o e s b e y o n d i s s u e s o f r e s e a r c h s t r a t e g y , a n d i n c l u d e s i s s u e s a s d e e p a s " t h e n a t u r e o f t h e p e r s o n " ( P o p e & D e n i c o l o , 1 9 8 6 , p . 1 5 4 ) , o f human e x i s t e n c e , a n d o f t r u t h . I n t h e e m p i r i c a l s c i e n t i f i c p a r a d i g m , w h e n c e o r i g i n a t e s q u a n t i t a t i v e m e t h o d o l o g y , t r u t h i s c o n c e i v e d o f a s e x i s t i n g i n t h e w o r l d , a n d o u r j o b a s r e s e a r c h e r s 36 i s t o m a i n t a i n an o b j e c t i v e and d i s t a n t s t a n c e i n o r d e r t o d i s c o v e r t h i s t r u t h . I n t e r a c t i o n between the r e s e a r c h e r and the phenomena b e i n g r e s e a r c h e d i s seen as u n d e s i r a b l e , and a v a l u e - n e u t r a l and d i s e n g a g e d s t a n c e i s seen as d e s i r a b l e ( M i s c h l e r , 1986) . B u t , as P a c k e r and A d d i s o n (1989) a r g u e : There a r e , p e r h a p s , excuses f o r the b e l i e f o f the t ime t h a t the t r u e way o f u n d e r s t a n d i n g r e a l i t y had f i n a l l y been a c h i e v e d by the new ' s c i e n t i f i c m e t h o d ' . There i s no l o n g e r any e x c u s e , t h o u g h , f o r t h i s n a i v e r e a l i s m o f 1 7 t h - c e n t u r y e m p i r i c i s m t o c o n t i n u e unabated i n contemporary p s y c h o l o g i c a l r e s e a r c h . I t i s t ime t o acknowledge t h a t s o - c a l l e d o b j e c t i v e r e a l i t y i s a p r o d u c t o f human i n t e r v e n t i o n ( p . 1 7 ) . In c o n t e x t o f the s e l e c t i o n o f a r e s e a r c h method, such a s ta tement i m p l i e s a b e l i e f t h a t the meaning d e r i v e d from r e s e a r c h i s i n f l u e n c e d by the r e s e a r c h i t s e l f . T h u s , i n a r e s e a r c h i n t e r v i e w "a q u e s t i o n m a y . . . b e thought o f as p a r t o f a c i r c u l a r p r o c e s s t h r o u g h which i t s meaning and t h a t o f i t s answer a r e c r e a t e d i n the d i s c o u r s e between i n t e r v i e w e r and re spondent as they t r y t o make c o n t i n u i n g sense o f what 37 they a r e s a y i n g t o each o ther" ( M i s c h l e r , 1986, p p . 5 3 -5 4 ) . A p h e n o m e n o l o g i c a l approach encourages the r e s e a r c h e r t o engage w i t h the c o - r e s e a r c h e r i n n e g o t i a t i n g meanings . The r e s e a r c h e r s h o u l d "attempt as f a r as p o s s i b l e t o f e e l t h e i r way i n t o t h e i n t e r n a l frame o f r e f e r e n c e o f t h e i r i n t e r v i e w e e s " (Pope & D e n i c o l o , 1986, p . 1 5 5 ) . What i s n e c e s s a r y i s a t r u e e n c o u n t e r between two i n d i v i d u a l s t h a t can r e v e a l t h e deeper l a y e r s o f meaning ( C o l a i z z i , 1978) . T h i s i s not p o s s i b l e i f one i s a t t e m p t i n g t o ask a s t a n d a r d i z e d s e t o f q u e s t i o n s i n the hopes o f c o d i f y i n g the answers . Nor i s i t p o s s i b l e i f the r e s e a r c h e r v a l u e s above a l l a d i s t a n c e o r a " s t a n d i n g - a p a r t - f r o m " h i s o r h e r c o -r e s e a r c h e r s . B r a c k e t i n g I t seems s e l f - e v i d e n t t o say t h a t , as a man, my own p e r c e p t i o n s o f m a s c u l i n i t y come i n t o p l a y i n my engagement w i t h my c o - r e s e a r c h e r s . In a q u a n t i t a t i v e a p p r o a c h , I would be rue t o admit any b i a s e s a n d , i n s o f a r as any e x i s t e d , i t would be incumbent on me t o e l i m i n a t e them. However, the methodology t h a t I have s e l e c t e d sugges ts t h a t my b i a s e s not o n l y e x i s t , but 38 p l a y a p a r t i n the c o n s t r u c t i o n o f meaning w i t h i n t h e c o n t e x t o f the d a t a and t h e i r i n t e r p r e t a t i o n (Pope & D e n i c o l o , 1986) . Tappan (1990) sugges ts t h a t "not o n l y must the t e x t be engaged i n i t s own p e r s o n a l and h i s t o r i c a l c o n t e x t , but the i n t e r p r e t e r must a l s o acknowledge h i s own p e r s p e c t i v e and p o i n t o f view" ( p . 2 4 8 ) . T h i s acknowledg ing i s what I now i n t e n d . My e x p e r i e n c e s o f b e i n g male no doubt began a t b i r t h . Kaufman (1993) t e l l s the s t o r y o f h i s son b e i n g b o r n a n d , as he s t a r e d t h r o u g h h i s t e a r s a t h i s new-b o r n s o n , the nurse s a i d "what a s t r o n g l i t t l e f e l l a " ( p . 1 7 ) . He was s u r p r i s e d by the f a c t t h a t h i s t i n y and v u l n e r a b l e c h i l d had a l r e a d y been a s s i g n e d a r o l e and a p l a c e i n the w o r l d o f the m a s c u l i n e . T h i s i n f a n t , b o r n i n a manner l i k e most male and female c h i l d r e n , was a l r e a d y h a v i n g h i s a c t i o n s i n t e r p r e t e d i n c o n t e x t o f h i s g e n d e r . I f Kaufman's c h i l d had been a d a u g h t e r , would her s t r u g g l e have been i g n o r e d and t h e focus been put on her p r e t t y t h i n l a y e r o f h a i r ? We cannot know f o r c e r t a i n , but I s u s p e c t t h a t t h i s would have been t h e c a s e . When I was young my f a t h e r worked o u t s i d e o f the home and my mother worked w i t h i n . I grew up as a c h i l d o f my mother , w i t h my f a t h e r b e i n g someone whom I saw 39 o c c a s i o n a l l y i n the e v e n i n g s , as w e l l as on weekends. He had not known h i s f a t h e r v e r y w e l l due t o my g r a n d f a t h e r h a v i n g fought i n the Second W o r l d War, and so wanted t o spend t ime w i t h b o t h m y s e l f and my s i s t e r . As a r e s u l t , we spent l o n g weekends t o g e t h e r as a f a m i l y e i t h e r a t the c o t t a g e , o r camping . He a l s o spent t ime engaged w i t h me i n my hobbies and i n t e r e s t s , i n c l u d i n g spend ing s e v e r a l months as the coach o f my hockey team when I was 14. In t h i s r e s p e c t , I f e e l d i f f e r e n t from those men who r e p o r t t h e i r f a t h e r s as b e i n g d i s t a n t and u n i n v o l v e d i n t h e i r l i v e s . A t the same t i m e , I am aware o f a f e e l i n g t h a t my f a t h e r was not a p a r t i c u l a r l y e m o t i o n a l b e i n g . I c o n c u r w i t h Chodorow's (1978) s u g g e s t i o n t h a t men who grow up w i t h women as t h e i r p r i m a r y c a r e - t a k e r s must engage i n a p r o c e s s o f s e p a r a t i o n i n o r d e r t o a s s e r t t h e i r i d e n t i t y . T h i s deep s e a t e d c o n n e c t i o n between m a s c u l i n e i d e n t i t y and the need f o r s e p a r a t e n e s s l e a v e s men w i t h a f e a r o f b e i n g e n g u l f e d i n r e l a t i o n s h i p s , and w i t h a c o n c o m i t a n t f e a r o f e x p r e s s i n g emotions t h a t might l e a v e them v u l n e r a b l e . My e x p e r i e n c e o f growing up was t h a t I d i d not e x p r e s s e m o t i o n s , i n d e e d was unaware o f any f e e l i n g s o f v u l n e r a b i l i t y o r s a d n e s s . L i k e many a d o l e s c e n t s , I was 40 f u l l o f c o n f i d e n c e (arrogance some would say) and a lmost n o t h i n g c o u l d d i s t u r b me. As a boy I remember b e i n g a f r a i d o f any s u g g e s t i o n t h a t I might be a g i r l , o r i n v o l v e d i n g i r l i s h t h i n g s . A l t h o u g h I do not have memories o f h a v i n g much o f a sense o f what i t meant t o be m a s c u l i n e , I have v e r y c l e a r memories o f knowing what i t meant t o not be m a s c u l i n e . I r e c a l l g e t t i n g i n t o a f i g h t w i t h a c l a s s m a t e when I was 8 . We were i n the s c h o o l y a r d a t l u n c h t i m e , b o t h o f us need ing t o be home t o e a t . As we r o l l e d and tumbled I was sudden ly l i f t e d o f f o f h i m . As i f i n a dream I r e c a l l b e i n g thrown up a g a i n s t t h e s c h o o l w a l l by h i s f a t h e r who was s l a p p i n g me o v e r and o v e r and b e l l o w i n g : "what are you d o i n g t o my son?" When he f i n i s h e d I c r e p t home and s a t a t t h e k i t c h e n t a b l e . My mother was c o o k i n g . The phone r a n g . I t was my f r i e n d ' s f a t h e r . When my mother came back t o t h e k i t c h e n she asked me i f I had been b e a t i n g up on "John". When I t o l d her t h a t I h a d , she became angry and began t o t e l l me t h a t f i g h t i n g was not the way t o r e s o l v e c o n f l i c t s . Or some such t h i n g . I do not remember the d e t a i l s . 41 To t h i s day my mother cannot u n d e r s t a n d why I d i d n ' t say someth ing , e i t h e r when I got home, o r a f t e r she began s c o l d i n g me, about what my f r i e n d ' s f a t h e r had done t o me. Not a s i n g l e one o f my male f r i e n d s has any t r o u b l e u n d e r s t a n d i n g . D e s p i t e b e i n g but 8, I a l r e a d y u n d e r s t o o d what i t meant t o l o s e a f i g h t , t o be dominated , t o t a t t l e t a l e . I am m a r r i e d t o a woman whom I have been w i t h f o r n i n e y e a r s . She i s i n t e l l i g e n t and m o t i v a t e d and I t r y t o s u p p o r t her work i n s o f a r as I am a b l e . We t a l k o p e n l y and a t l e n g t h about our r e l a t i o n s h i p and o u r s e l v e s , and i n t h i s r e s p e c t I f e e l some d i s t a n c e from men who f e e l t h a t women are i n c o m p r e h e n s i b l e o r p a r t o f a n o t h e r s p e c i e s . A t the same t i m e , I grew up b e i n g t remendous ly s e x i s t . I d e l i g h t e d i n u p s e t t i n g women by t a l k i n g about male s u p e r i o r i t y . S t r a i g h t - f a c e d , I spoke o f a woman's p l a c e b e i n g i n the k i t c h e n , w i t h no escape save a h a l l c o n n e c t e d t o the bedroom. As a t e e n a g e r , I was aware o f some s o r t o f t r u t h i n these comments, some form o f s u p e r i o r i t y t h a t was, f o r reasons u n c l e a r , my b i r t h r i g h t as a ma le . I had s e v e r a l c l o s e male f r i e n d s and a v a r i e t y o f g i r l f r i e n d s , and thought n e i t h e r o f 42 t h e reasons f o r t h i s b i r t h r i g h t , nor the c o s t s t h a t I might have t o pay i n o r d e r t o a c q u i r e and m a i n t a i n i t . I t was not u n t i l u n i v e r s i t y t h a t I was c o n f r o n t e d w i t h any s e r i o u s q u e s t i o n s about t h e s e i s s u e s . D u r i n g t r a i n i n g f o r a peer c o u n s e l l i n g job a t the U n i v e r s i t y o f T o r o n t o S e x u a l E d u c a t i o n C e n t r e , I s a i d good-bye t o one o f the women t h e r e , and i n the p r o c e s s c a l l e d h e r d o l l . Her re sponse was t o t e l l me t o blow i t ou t my e a r . I f e l t h u r t , but when I t u r n e d t o my male f r i e n d f o r h e l p he d i d not s i d e w i t h me. He f e l t , as she d i d , t h a t my words were an e x p r e s s i o n o f a deep s e a t e d b e l i e f , a b e l i e f t h a t women were i n f e r i o r t o men, d e s e r v i n g o n l y o f r e f e r e n c e s l i k e d o l l o r k i d o r babe . T h i s was t h e b e g i n n i n g o f my i n t r o d u c t i o n t o f e m i n i s m , and t o the women and men who b e l i e v e d t h a t such deep s e a t e d b e l i e f s need t o be c h a l l e n g e d . A t t h i s p o i n t i n my l i f e , I c o n s i d e r m y s e l f a f e m i n i s t , i n t h a t I b e l i e v e t h a t o u r s o c i a l s t r u c t u r e i s p r e d o m i n a n t l y p a t r i a r c h a l and t h a t women have been , and c o n t i n u e t o be , o p p r e s s e d i n a l l walks o f l i f e . I t has not been an easy r o a d from t h e r e t o h e r e , but i t has been e d u c a t i o n a l ; And one o f the t h i n g s t h a t i t has brought me more i n t o u c h w i t h i s the c o s t s o f my male b i r t h r i g h t . 43 I w i l l now t u r n t o a d d r e s s i n g s e v e r a l o f the q u e s t i o n s t h a t I brought w i t h me t o each i n t e r v i e w . In my e x p e r i e n c e , b e i n g a man b r i n g s w i t h i t b o t h b e n e f i t s and c o s t s , b o t h e x p e c t a t i o n s and r e w a r d s . I do not deny t h e e x i s t e n c e o f the rewards and b e n e f i t s as I hear some i n the men's movement d o i n g , but n e i t h e r do I t a k e l i g h t l y the e x p e c t a t i o n s and c o s t s t h a t a r e commensurate w i t h the rewards as I hear some i n the f e m i n i s t movement d o i n g (I am reminded o f a woman whom I saw a t the P a c i f i c N a t i o n a l E x h i b i t i o n w e a r i n g a b u t t o n t h a t s a i d ' C r y Me A R i v e r White B o y ' ) . I have f e l t the f o r c e o f the e x p e c t a t i o n t h a t I be s t r o n g , not back down i n a f i g h t , t a k e c a r e o f my s i s t e r and mother . When I was young my f a t h e r l e f t e a r l y from our v a c a t i o n t o r e t u r n t o work, t e l l i n g me as he l e f t t o take c a r e o f my mother and s i s t e r . T h a t I was u n a b l e t o on s e v e r a l o c c a s i o n s , d e s p i t e the r e a l i t y o f b e i n g but f i v e o r s i x , had an impact on me t h a t I cannot u n d e r e s t i m a t e . I was weak. I would never be a b l e t o wear the mant le o f manhood a t t h i s r a t e . My shame went deep . I f e e l c o n f u s e d about how I am supposed t o a c t as a man. I f e e l b o t h the p l e a s u r e and s a t i s f a c t i o n o f t h o s e around me when I am s t r o n g , but I a l s o have a 44 sense o f h a v i n g done something wrong. L i f e o f t e n seems t o me as a d o u b l e - e d g e d sword, where in I am damned i f I do and damned i f I d o n ' t . I do not sugges t t h a t my w i f e o r my s i s t e r do not e x p e r i e n c e something s i m i l a r i n t h e i r b e i n g women. A t the same t i m e , I do b e l i e v e t h a t components o f my e x p e r i e n c e a r e t i e d t o my b e i n g m a l e . In r e g a r d s t o work, I r e c a l l as a c h i l d w a n t i n g more t h a n a n y t h i n g e l s e i n the w o r l d t o be a b l e t o see where my f a t h e r worked . My mother r e c o u n t s a c o n v e r s a t i o n t h a t I had w i t h a f a m i l y f r i e n d who was o l d e r and b i g g e r t h a n me, but whom I had been a b l e t o c o n v i n c e t h a t I was b i g g e r . The c o n v e r s a t i o n went as f o l l o w s : T r a c y : Lawrence , Why are you so l i t t l e ? Lawrence: Because I 'm a g r e a t b i g b o y . T : But Lawrence , why are you so l i t t l e i n y o u r shoes? L : Because I c a n ' t go t o CBL T o r o n t o . My f a t h e r worked f o r the CBC i n T o r o n t o where the l o c a l t e l e v i s i o n s t a t i o n was known as C B L T . I t seems c l e a r t h a t I had a l r e a d y i n t e r n a l i z e d t h e c o n n e c t i o n between b e i n g male and h a v i n g work. I f e e l t h a t I have grown beyond t h i s by now but t h e n a g a i n , I am p r e s e n t l y employed . 45 P r o c e d u r e P i l o t S t u d i e s . B e f o r e e n g a g i n g i n t h e r e s e a r c h p r o p e r , a n u m b e r o f p i l o t s t u d i e s w e r e u n d e r t a k e n t o c l a r i f y t h e m o s t p r o v o c a t i v e q u e s t i o n s a n d t o a l l o w me t o i m p r o v e my i n t e r v i e w i n g s k i l l s . Q u e s t i o n s w e r e d r a w n f r o m t h e l i t e r a t u r e a n d f r o m my e x p e r i e n c e s o f b e i n g m a l e . A s e m i - s t r u c t u r e d i n t e r v i e w was c h o s e n o v e r a n o n - s t r u c t u r e d i n t e r v i e w b e c a u s e o f R u t h e r f o r d ' s ( 1 9 8 8 ) c o n c e r n t h a t a s h e t e r o s e x u a l men we h a v e " i n h e r i t e d a l a n g u a g e w h i c h c a n d e f i n e t h e l i v e s a n d s e x u a l i t i e s o f o t h e r s , b u t f a i l s u s w h e n we h a v e t o d e a l w i t h o u r own h e t e r o s e x u a l i t y a n d m a s c u l i n e i d e n t i t i e s " ( p . 2 2 ) . I t was h o p e d t h a t a m e a s u r e o f s t r u c t u r e w o u l d h e l p t o a l l e v i a t e t h i s p r o b l e m . T h e f i n a l s e t o f q u e s t i o n s was a r r i v e d a t b y d e t e r m i n i n g w h i c h q u e s t i o n s a l l o w e d f o r r e s p o n d e n t s t o " i l l u s t r a t e t h e i r a n s w e r s w i t h e x e m p l a r s s o t h a t t h e i r own p e r s o n a l i n t e r p r e t a t i o n o f w o r d s b e c o m e s e v i d e n t " ( P o p e & D e n i c o l o , 1 9 8 6 ) . A s w e l l , t h e r e s p o n d e n t s i n t h e p i l o t i n t e r v i e w s w e r e a s k e d f o r t h e i r f e e d b a c k a b o u t t h e u s e f u l n e s s o f t h e q u e s t i o n s . T h i s i n f o r m a t i o n was g i v e n w e i g h t w h e n d e t e r m i n i n g t h e f i n a l q u e s t i o n s . 46 C o - r e s e a r c h e r s . A l l c o - r e s e a r c h e r s were v o l u n t e e r s who responded t o e i t h e r an a d v e r t i s e m e n t i n the Simon F r a s e r U n i v e r s i t y (SFU) newspaper The Peak, o r t o p o s t e r s p l a c e d by the r e s e a r c h e r around t h e campuses o f SFU and the U n i v e r s i t y o f B r i t i s h C o l u m b i a (see Appendix A ) . The p o s t e r and the a d v e r t i s e m e n t a l l h i g h l i g h t e d the f o l l o w i n g c r i t e r i a : p a r t i c i p a n t s were t o be w h i t e h e t e r o s e x u a l males between t w e n t y - f i v e and t h i r t y - f i v e . The i n t e n t i o n here was not t o e x c l u d e homosexual men o r men o f o t h e r r a c e s ; Nor was t h e i n t e n t i o n t o sugges t t h a t o t h e r men do not e x p e r i e n c e m a s c u l i n i t y o r have i s s u e s w i t h t h e i r e x p e r i e n c e o f m a s c u l i n i t y . As noted i n the I n t r o d u c t i o n , i t has been j u s t t h i s group o f s t r a i g h t w h i t e men t h a t has been s t u d i e d as the norm, as M a n k i n d . My i n t e n t i o n here was t o t u r n t h a t a s sumpt ion o f normalcy on i t s head and t o approach s t r a i g h t wh i t e m i d d l e - c l a s s m a s c u l i n i t y as i t s e l f p r o b l e m a t i c . Each man phoned the r e s e a r c h e r and was i n f o r m e d o f the t ime commitment, i s s u e s o f c o n f i d e n t i a l i t y , and h i s r i g h t t o r e f u s e t o p a r t i c i p a t e i n any a s p e c t o f the r e s e a r c h . Demographic i n f o r m a t i o n about the c o -r e s e a r c h e r ' s sex , age , s e x u a l o r i e n t a t i o n , e d u c a t i o n , 47 m a r i t a l s t a t u s and p a r e n t s ' s t a t u s was c o l l e c t e d a t t h i s t i m e . In a l l cases the men agreed t o be p a r t o f the r e s e a r c h . In s e l e c t i n g these men, C o l a i z z i ' s (1978) c r i t e r i a f o r a p p r o p r i a t e c o - r e s e a r c h e r s were a p p l i e d : each i n d i v i d u a l must have e x p e r i e n c e w i t h the t o p i c ; each i n d i v i d u a l must be a b l e t o a r t i c u l a t e the e x p e r i e n c e . The I n t e r v i e w . Each c o - r e s e a r c h e r was i n v o l v e d i n one i n t e r v i e w o f r o u g h l y two h o u r s . Each man s i g n e d two c o p i e s o f a consent form (see Appendix B) a t the b e g i n n i n g o f the i n t e r v i e w and was i n v i t e d t o ask any q u e s t i o n s about the form b e f o r e the i n t e r v i e w began. A f t e r the i n t e r v i e w s had been a n a l y z e d , a summary o f the common themes, a l o n g w i t h comments from each man which r e f e r r e d t o the theme a t hand, was s en t t o each o f the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s . They were asked t o r e a d each o f the themes and check a box i n d i c a t i n g whether the theme f i t f o r them o r n o t . Comments were a l s o r e q u e s t e d , and each c o - r e s e a r c h e r o b l i g e d by i n c l u d i n g many comments. A l e t t e r accompanied the t h e m a t i c summary, i n s t r u c t i n g t h e c o - r e s e a r c h e r s as t o what was expec ted o f them (see Appendix D ) . The i n t e r v i e w s were s e m i - s t r u c t u r e d open i n t e r v i e w s i n which the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s were asked t o 48 r e s p o n d t o a s e r i e s o f p r e - d e t e r m i n e d q u e s t i o n s (see Append ix C ) . The i n t e r v i e w began w i t h the f o l l o w i n g i n t r o d u c t o r y s ta tement : The hope of t h i s research i s to understand more f u l l y the experience of b e i n g a man i n t h i s culture at t h i s time i n hi s t o r y . Much of what i s written today, i n journals, newspapers, and books, suggests that many men f e e l m i s u n d e r s t o o d . There are also s u g g e s t i o n s that men are confused about what d i r e c t i o n to take i n t h e i r l i v e s . And yet few people are b o t h e r i n g to ask the o b v i o u s q u e s t i o n : What i s i t l i k e to be a man i n today ' s world. That i s what I would l i k e us to look at today. T h i s was f o l l o w e d by the f i r s t o f the s e r i e s o f q u e s t i o n s , d e r i v e d from the p i l o t s t u d i e s ment ioned above . Not a l l q u e s t i o n s , however, were asked o f a l l the men, as the method a l l o w s f o r the r e s e a r c h e r t o f o l l o w a l i n e o f d i s c o u r s e t h a t i s o f s i g n i f i c a n c e t o the c o - r e s e a r c h e r (Pope & D e n i c o l o , 1986) . Data A n a l y s i s . Each o f the i n t e r v i e w s was t r a n s c r i b e d and the r e s u l t i n g t e x t s were a n a l y s e d based on C o l a i z z i ' s (1978) framework o f d e s c r i p t i v e r e s e a r c h . The t r a n s c r i p t s were r e a d o v e r s e v e r a l t i m e s , f i r s t t o g a i n a g e n e r a l f a m i l i a r i t y w i t h the m a t e r i a l , t h e n t o e x t r a c t s i g n i f i c a n t s tatements t h a t were e v i d e n t i n 4 9 what was s a i d . Such s tatements were l o o k e d a t i n terms o f t h e i n s i g h t , o r theme, t h a t they e x p r e s s e d . P o s s i b l e theme t i t l e s were w r i t t e n on cue c a r d s and s i g n i f i c a n t s t a t e m e n t s , o r comments, from each t r a n s c r i p t t h a t seemed t o f i t were w r i t t e n under the headings f o r t h a t p a r t i c u l a r t r a n s c r i p t . T h i s p r o c e s s was r e p e a t e d u n t i l n e i t h e r a d d i t i o n a l themes nor comments t h a t f i t w i t h e x i s t i n g themes p r e s e n t e d t h e m s e l v e s . The themes w i t h i n each o f the t r a n s c r i p t s were t h e n combined i n t o a s e t o f themes t h a t i n c l u d e d comments from a l l o f the t r a n s c r i p t s . T h i s r e s u l t e d i n a c l u s t e r o f 21 themes, w i t h agreement between c o -r e s e a r c h e r s r a n g i n g from two t o a l l o f them. I n t e r r e l a t i o n s h i p s between the themes were t h e n sought i n o r d e r t o u n d e r s t a n d more f u l l y the meaning o f the themes, and some themes were c o l l a p s e d , l e a v i n g 12 themes w i t h which a l l c o - r e s e a r c h e r s a g r e e d , two themes w i t h t h r e e i n agreement, and one theme w i t h f o u r i n agreement . W i t h t h i s f i n a l c l u s t e r o f common themes i n hand , a f i n a l r e v i e w o f each o f the t r a n s c r i p t s was made t o de termine b o t h the s u i t a b i l i t y o f the comments s e l e c t e d as r e p r e s e n t a t i v e f o r each theme, as w e l l as t o s e a r c h f o r o t h e r p o s s i b l e c a n d i d a t e s ta tements f o r each theme. 50 From t h i s work, a summary o f the themes was p r e s e n t e d t o the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s as noted above . T h e i r comments were r e c o r d e d and i n t e g r a t e d i n t o the f i n a l summary o f themes. L i m i t a t i o n s and Assumpt ions G i v e n the s m a l l number o f c o - r e s e a r c h e r s , no c l a i m t o g e n e r a l i z a b i l i t y can be made. The r e s u l t s o f t h i s s t u d y a r e t r u e f o r the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s o n l y . A t t h e same t i m e , t h e s e r e s u l t s may be used t o p o i n t the way f o r f u r t h e r r e s e a r c h i n t o men and m a s c u l i n i t y ( C o l a i z z i , 1978) . S i n c e t h i s s tudy was based on s e l f - r e p o r t , t h e r e s u l t s a r e l i m i t e d b o t h t o what the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s were a b l e t o remember and t o what they were w i l l i n g t o r e p o r t . A l t h o u g h I endeavoured t o d e v e l o p a r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s t h a t would a l l o w them t o speak f r e e l y and o p e n l y , i t i s l i k e l y t h a t t h e y s e l e c t i v e l y r e p o r t e d t h e i r e x p e r i e n c e s , b e l i e f s , and f e e l i n g s . A t the same t i m e , the i n t e r p l a y between t h e f i v e i n t e r v i e w s , my own i n t e r p r e t a t i o n , and the feedback from the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s , i s what i s a t the h e a r t o f t h i s r e s e a r c h . I t i s t h i s i n t e r p l a y t h a t 51 a l l o w s what i s meant t o be what i s s a i d , and what i s s a i d t o be what i s meant. F i n a l l y , I assumed t h a t t h e c o - r e s e a r c h e r s and I would be a b l e t o f i n d a language w i t h which t o d i s c u s s m a s c u l i n i t y . R u t h e r f o r d (1988) e x p r e s s e s a s i m i l a r c o n c e r n i n t h a t he has "become aware how h e t e r o s e x u a l men have i n h e r i t e d a language which can d e f i n e t h e l i v e s and s e x u a l i t i e s o f o t h e r s , but f a i l s us when we have t o d e a l w i t h our own h e t e r o s e x u a l i t y and m a s c u l i n e i d e n t i t i e s " (p . 2 2 ) . I t was the g o a l o f t h i s method t o a l l o w t h e men t o t a l k o f t h e i r m a s c u l i n i t y . I t i s my hope t h a t t h i s w i l l a l l o w a s u f f i c i e n t l y d e s c r i p t i v e language t o grow. 5 2 C h a p t e r F o u r R e s u l t s T h i s c h a p t e r w i l l i n t r o d u c e the themes t h a t r e s u l t e d from a n a l y s i s o f the t r a n s c r i p t s . Each o f the themes w i l l be n o t e d , f o l l o w e d by a b r i e f e x p l a n a t i o n o f the theme and i l l u s t r a t i v e remarks from the t r a n s c r i p t s . Each remark w i l l be f o l l o w e d by a roman numeral t o denote which t r a n s c r i p t i s b e i n g c i t e d . I f the comments a r e drawn from the c o - r e s e a r c h e r ' s re sponses t o the t h e m a t i c summary, an ' s ' w i l l f o l l o w the roman n u m e r a l . F o r some o f the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s ' comments, I have i n s e r t e d a c l a r i f y i n g s ta tement i n i t a l i c s p r i o r t o the comment. The themes a r e broken i n t o two t y p e s : M a j o r themes f o r which t h e r e was unanimous agreement among the c o -r e s e a r c h e r s ; M i n o r themes t o which f o u r o r fewer o f the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s a g r e e d . F o r the minor themes, the number who agreed i s noted f o l l o w i n g the s ta tement o f the theme. 53 M a j o r Themes 1) The experience of economic responsibility. T h i s theme i s r e l a t e d t o what one o f the c o -r e s e a r c h e r s i d e n t i f i e d as ' the 4 A ' s o f m a s c u l i n i t y ' : a c h i e v e , a c h i e v e , a c h i e v e and a c h i e v e . T h i s i s a sense t h a t men are s t i l l expec ted t o have a good job and make money. Examples o f comments t h a t were made a r e : t h a t even though s o c i e t y i s c h a n g i n g so t h a t men a r e s u p p o s e d l y not expec ted t o be the b r e a d winner t o s u p p o r t the f a m i l y , i f my f a m i l y were t o be p o o r , whose r e s p o n s i b i l i t y would t h a t be? ( I I , p .24 -25 ) you s h o u l d have a c a r e e r , you s h o u l d have money, you s h o u l d , you s h o u l d , you s h o u l d . ( I l l , p .20) you know, i f y o u ' r e a guy and y o u ' r e making an average s a l a r y you f e e l p r e t t y i n a d e q u a t e . (V, p . 3 ) 54 2) The experience of outdoor and/or physical activity reinforcing masculinity. T h i s i n c l u d e s s p o r t s , camping a c t i v i t i e s , p h y s i c a l l a b o u r and the l i k e . Examples o f comments t h a t were made a r e : t h e r e i s a two p e r s o n T a i C h i ; and I r e a l l y l i k e t h a t , t h a t a s p e c t o f , i t ' s a b i t more I d o n ' t know i f y o u ' d c a l l i t a g g r e s s i v e , i t can and t h a t has a p p e a l e d t o me. ( I , p . 23) d o i n g the heavy p h y s i c a l work r e a f f i r m s y o u r m a s c u l i n i t y as w e l l , because you a r e d o i n g something v e r y p h y s i c a l . And y o u ' r e f e e l i n g f i n e about t h a t ( I I I , p .41) P h y s i c a l work - s p o r t s e t c . r e a f f i r m s t h e p r i d e I have i n my s t r e n g t h s ( p h y s i c a l ) as a m a l e . ( I l l s ) g e t t i n g out and s o r t o f l i k e j u s t mess ing about i n the f o r e s t i n the o u t d o o r s and , you know p l a y i n g w i t h axes and a l l those male t h i n g s I mean, i t ' s p r o b a b l y one o f the few areas where I c o u l d t h i n k i t ' s 55 something t h a t I do t h a t women I know p r o b a b l y d i d n ' t d o . ( I V , p .30 -31) 3) The experience of not feeling representative of men in general. F i r s t a b r i e f note on t h i s theme's i n c l u s i o n as a major theme. In the f eedback , c o - r e s e a r c h e r I I I t i c k e d the box t h a t says ' t h i s does not f i t f o r me' (see Appendix E ) . However, I am i n c l u d i n g t h i s as a major theme because he then goes on t o say : "I do have a d e s i r e t o know how r e p r e s e n t a t i v e my e x p e r i e n c e s were and whether o r not my e x p e r i e n c e s a r e common amongst o t h e r men. I do not f e e l t h a t I am r e p r e s e n t a t i v e o f men i n g e n e r a l . " As w e l l , a t the end o f the t h e m a t i c summary, he a s k s : "Am I a l o n e , o r i n good company, w i t h my responses t o the q u e s t i o n s ? " I s u s p e c t t h a t he t i c k e d the 'does not f i t ' box as he d i d not see how t h e comment o f h i s t h a t I quoted from the i n t e r v i e w f i t w i t h t h i s theme, r a t h e r t h a n t h a t he d i d not agree w i t h i t as a theme p e r s e . T h i s theme i s about the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s f e e l i n g unsure whether o r not t h e i r e x p e r i e n c e s a r e common t o 56 o t h e r men, as w e l l as a d e s i r e t o know how r e p r e s e n t a t i v e t h e i r e x p e r i e n c e s were . Examples o f comments t h a t were made a r e : I t h i n k i t ' s g r e a t t o see changes h a p p e n i n g , l i k e um, but I d o n ' t t h i n k I ' v e t a k e n on a l o t o f the t r a d i t i o n a l male r o l e s and i d e a s , I d o n ' t t h i n k I f e e l as t h r e a t e n e d as a l o t o f o t h e r males m i g h t . ( I , p .12) w h i t e males d o n ' t have a l o t o f c u l t u r a l c u r r e n c y r i g h t now, you know? . . . And I see o t h e r p e o p l e who a r e c l o s e t o me d e a l i n g w i t h a l o t o f t h a t same k i n d o f p a i n . O t h e r men, t h a t ' s k i n d o f where i t came f r o m . You know, I t o l d you I s a i d t o my w i f e t h a t t h e r e ' s a r e a l need h e r e . Um, and I d o n ' t t h i n k I f e e l t h a t as a c u t e l y as some peop le d o . ( I I , p .29) I do have a d e s i r e t o know how r e p r e s e n t a t i v e my e x p e r i e n c e s were and whether o r not my e x p e r i e n c e s a r e common amongst o t h e r men. I do not f e e l t h a t I am r e p r e s e n t a t i v e o f men i n g e n e r a l . ( I l l s ) 57 I d o n ' t see m y s e l f as h a v i n g a whole l o t o f t h o s e t h i n g s urn, i t d o e s n ' t , i t ' s p a r t o f why I 'm s a y i n g I d o n ' t t h i n k I f i t r e a l l y w e l l what s o c i e t y e x p e c t s o f a m a l e . ( I V , p .25) — T i e s i n w i t h not measur ing up t o m a s c u l i n e m o d e l s , i d e a l s . ( IVs) 4) The experience of encountering conflicting expectations. T h i s i s j u s t what i t sounds l i k e ; the f e e l i n g t h a t , w h i l e on the one hand, men are expec ted t o behave i n c e r t a i n ways, t h e r e a r e a l s o messages t h a t men s h o u l d be b e h a v i n g i n ways t h a t seem e i t h e r q u i t e the o p p o s i t e o f , o r a t l e a s t i n c o n f l i c t w i t h , the former e x p e c t a t i o n . Examples o f comments t h a t were made a r e : (in reference to idea of woman working, her male partner not) some women I t h i n k say t h a t would be O . K . but I r e a l l y I 'm not s u r e i f I b e l i e v e a l o t o f them, I r e a l l y d o n ' t know, I guess t h a t ' s one i s s u e where I am f a i r l y c o n f u s e d , I d o n ' t know what women t h i n k o f t h a t i n t h a t r e s p e c t . ( I , p .14) 58 There a r e so many mixed messages about b e h a v i o u r and a t t i t u d e s t h a t i t i s d i f f i c u l t t o keep u p . ( I l l s ) I t r i e d r e a l l y h a r d t o overcome what I saw as my weakness , t h i s you know t y p i c a l l y male t h i n g o f h o l d i n g e v e r y t h i n g i n and you know b e i n g a h , a b i t wooden, o r , o r whatever and u n f o r t u n a t e l y i n t h i s s i t u a t i o n i t was w i t h somebody who was, t h a t ' s not what she wanted. ( I V , p .41) t h e y want you t o be s e n s i t i v e and v u l n e r a b l e , but y e t always c o n f i d e n t . (V, p . 9 ) 5) Feeling greater safety as a white man in the world than you think others do. T h i s theme concerns f e e l i n g s o f g r e a t e r p h y s i c a l s a f e t y i n the w o r l d and fewer concerns about b e i n g a t t a c k e d . Examples o f comments t h a t were made a r e : I f e e l a l o t more s e c u r e when I walk the s t r e e t s , I d o n ' t have t o worry about b e i n g a c c o s t e d o r s e x u a l 5 9 harassment . You know, I d o n ' t worry much about b e i n g s u p p r e s s e d , I d o n ' t t h i n k as women m i g h t , so no I t h i n k b e i n g male I 'm v e r y r e a l l y l u c k y i n a l o t o f ways. ( I , p .7) I know I do t h i n g s l i k e w a l k i n g t o my c a r l a t e a t n i g h t w i t h o u t c o n s i d e r i n g whether o r not i t i s s a f e t o do so ( i n a p l a c e t h a t i s s a f e f o r me by d a y l i g h t ) . I know o t h e r s do t h i n k about t h i s . ( l i s ) no one i s s a f e anywhere i t seems but urn, t h a t k i n d o f t h i n g d o e s n ' t i n f r i n g e on my w o r l d t h a t o f t e n whereas I t h i n k i t ' s r e i n f o r c e d f o r women c o n s t a n t l y . ( I V , p . 5 ) We a r e not r a i s e d t o t h i n k o f our b o d i e s as " s a c r e d " . (Vs) 6) Feeling that as a man, you are a protector. T h i s theme i s about comments made c o n c e r n i n g b e h a v i o u r s and a t t i t u d e s towards women i n g e n e r a l , f a m i l y members, employees and l o v e d ones . The theme 60 sugges t s t h a t men a c c e p t a c e r t a i n measure o f r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r the s a f e t y o f o t h e r s . Examples o f comments t h a t were made a r e : males a r e t r a d i t i o n a l l y w a r r i o r s i n our s o c i e t y , um, males i n the i d e a l sense w i l l s a c r i f i c e t h e i r l i v e s f o r women and c h i l d r e n , um, maybe I c o u l d see m y s e l f as b e i n g some k i n d o f m a r t y r . ( I , p .35 -36 ) I do f e e l r e s p o n s i b l e f o r c e r t a i n p e o p l e - i f I am i n a c a r e g i v e r r o l e ( e . g . my k i d s , my s t u d e n t s ) o r i f I am i n some o t h e r s p e c i f i c power p o s i t i o n w i t h r e s p e c t t o them. ( l i s ) The overwhelming sense o f r e s p o n s i b i l i t y t o p r o t e c t home and h e a r t h i s as o l d as t i m e . T h i s can be q u i t e t i r i n g and f r u s t r a t i n g a t t i m e s . ( I l l s ) (said with reference to getting off a bus late at night along with a woman he does not know)... Or i f I got o f f f i r s t I ' l l walk r e a l l y f a s t so t h a t I ' l l get ahead o f her so t h a t you know she won' t t h i n k I 'm gonna t u r n and do someth ing . ( I V , p . 21) 61 F o r me, i t ' s more o f a s e n s i t i v i t y t o not w a n t i n g t o c o n t r i b u t e t o women's f e a r s . ( IVs) 7) The experience that what is "manliness" is often defined by context. T h i s theme encompasses s e v e r a l i d e a s . I t sugges t s t h a t the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s f e e l t h a t what i s c o n s i d e r e d male changes depending on the p e o p l e t h a t they a r e w i t h and how t h e s e peop le r e a c t t o them. F o r some o f them i t c o n t a i n s the i d e a t h a t what i s male i s o f t e n d e f i n e d as what i s NOT f e m a l e . Examples o f comments t h a t were made a r e : the d i f f e r e n c e i s , I see i s b e i n g a male as opposed t o a female i s the way s o c i e t y l o o k s a t me. So I t h i n k t h a t a l o t o f i t comes from out t h e r e r a t h e r t h a n i n s i d e . ( I , p . 6 ) The g e n e r a l n o t i o n o f i d e n t i t y - m a s c u l i n e o r o t h e r w i s e - b e i n g c o n t e x t u a l seems c l e a r t o me even t o the e x t e n t t h a t i d e n t i t y becomes v i r t u a l l y 62 mean ing le s s except as u n d e r s t o o d i n r e l a t i o n s h i p s , ( l i s ) Sometimes you watch women and they have about 15 t h i n g s g o i n g on and e v e r y t h i n g i s j u s t c l i c k i n g . . . . But women seem t o have t h i s a b i l i t y , so I t h i n k , t h e i n a b i l i t y t o do t h i s , o r l a c k t h e r e o f , would be u n i q u e l y ma le . ( I l l , p .18) B e i n g i n a r o m a n t i c / s e x u a l r e l a t i o n s h i p . . . c o m p l i m e n t s my maleness and m a s c u l i n i t y by j u x t a p o s i n g these t r a i t s a g a i n s t the woman's f e m i n i n e t r a i t s . ( I l l s , from response t o major theme 12) I guess a common way t o i d e n t i f y one as a male i s t r y i n g t o de termine what ' s d i f f e r e n t from b e i n g f e m a l e . ( I V , p . 3 ) t h i s i s h a r d t o d i f f e r e n t i a t e cause I ' v e so many f r i e n d s , female f r i e n d s t h a t a r e n ' t r e p r e s e n t a t i v e so i t ' s h a r d f o r me t o say what makes me f e e l m a l e . ( I V , p .31) 63 8) The experience that others assume that you are confident and competent because you are a man. T h i s theme concerns the f e e l i n g t h a t men a r e e x p e c t e d t o be c o n f i d e n t and i n c o n t r o l , t o be a b l e t o h a n d l e s t r e s s and p r e s s u r e , and t o hand le the v a r i o u s d i f f e r e n t f a c e t s o f l i f e . Examples o f comments t h a t were made a r e : b e i n g male y o u ' r e t o l d t h a t I 'm supposed t o be a g g r e s s i v e and urn c o n f i d e n t . ( I , p .31) w e ' r e bombarded w i t h images t h a t good men d o n ' t screw u p . They d o n ' t a h , they d o n ' t say t h i n g s t h a t f o r g e t t h a t t h e r e might be homosexuals i n the room, they d o n ' t say t h i n g s t h a t assume t h a t , t h e y s h o u l d n ' t do those t h i n g s but t h a t , w e l l , we d o . ( I I , p .34) P e o p l e assume t h a t because you a r e a man you can handle a n y t h i n g and e v e r y t h i n g T h i s put s so much u n n e c e s s a r y p r e s s u r e on y o u . I f you c a n ' t cope you f e e l l i k e a f a i l u r e when you s h o u l d be s a y i n g t o y o u r s e l f " t h i s i s t o o much f o r me". ( I l l s ) 64 what a lmost everyone l o o k s f o r i n a , i n a male t h e y want someone t h a t i s you know, n o t , not b e l l i g e r e n t n o t , um, perhaps a r r o g a n t o r , o r um i n c o n s i d e r a t e but they want someone t h a t i s v e r y c o n f i d e n t i n t h e m s e l v e s . ( I V , p .24) When we c o m p l a i n o r show v u l n e r a b i l i t y o r s e l f -doubt w e ' r e l a b e l e d "immature", "bab ies" . (Vs) 9) The experience of being unsure of what the "rules of conduct" are today, and so feeling unsure about how you will be treated when you go out in the world. T h i s theme i s about the l a c k o f c l a r i t y the c o -r e s e a r c h e r s f e e l o f what the r i g h t o r wrong t h i n g i s t o do and the e x p e r i e n c e o f not always b e i n g a b l e t o be s u r e how o t h e r s w i l l r e a c t t o them when they behave . Examples o f comments t h a t were made a r e : t h e r e ' s no more s ea t s on the bus and a woman gets on the bus now do you get up um, does i t c r o s s y o u r mind whether o r not you s h o u l d get up a h , i t c e r t a i n l y c r o s s e s my m i n d , I k i n d a l o o k and now i s 65 t h i s somebody who's gonna be o f f e n d e d , i s t h i s somebody who's gonna be g r a t e f u l ? ( I I , p .13) I t h i n k you r e a l l y have t o be c a r e f u l , you have t o be v e r y , v e r y c a r e f u l . You urn, you d o n ' t o f f e n d , but t h e n you d o n ' t want t o a h , how s h o u l d I put i t , a h , you d o n ' t want t o o f f e n d anybody, but t h e n a g a i n , you d o n ' t want t o s u b j u g a t e o r d e n i g r a t e y o u r own, o r l o s e a n y t h i n g o f y o u r own p o s i t i o n i n the i n the w o r l d . ( I l l , p . 4 ) so i t ' s r e a l l y h a r d t o know what t o d o , w h i c h , which game do you p l a y a n d . . . i t seems t h a t urn a bunch o f us a r e gonna get caught i n the m i d d l e w i t h t h i s u n c e r t a i n t i e s about what the new r o l e s a r e . ( I V , p .27) i f I j u s t knew what the r u l e s were , and t h e y were s e t , t h e n I c o u l d j u s t f o l l o w a l o n g . But i f the r u l e s keep c h a n g i n g on me, and and t h e y ' r e c o n t i n u o u s l y b e i n g s t a c k e d a g a i n s t me, then u h , what how do I p l a y the game you know? (V, p . 5 ) 66 10) The feeling that there are many images of men in our culture but few, if any, fit for you, or express your viewpoint. T h i s theme c o n t a i n s b o t h the e x p e r i e n c e t h a t , i n our c u l t u r e , we a r e f l o o d e d w i t h d i f f e r e n t images o f men and a t the same t ime the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s do not r e a l l y see themse lves r e p r e s e n t e d i n t h o s e images . Examples o f comments t h a t were made a r e : ( i n response to my asking what prompted him to take part in the research) I a lways t h i n k w e l l nobody e v e r asked me o r p e o p l e take a p o l l and they never ask me, so i t ' s a chance f o r me t o you know put my two b i t s w o r t h . ( I , p . 3 ) w h i l e t h e r e ' s these images t h a t we 're a l l f a c e d w i t h urn and respond t o i n one way o r a n o t h e r urn, many o f t h o s e images d o n ' t r e p r e s e n t who we a r e and a h , and sometimes t h a t l e a v e s us r e s p o n d i n g i n , i n ways t h a t are I guess , f e e l q u i t e urn f ragmented . ( I I , p.10-11) i t i s not a m a t t e r o f c o n f u s i o n , but o f c o n s t a n t l y n e g o t i a t i n g i d e n t i t y w i t h i n c o n t e x t s t h a t promote 67 v a r i o u s c o n c e p t i o n s more o r l e s s (or not a t a l l ) . As much as i t i s c o n s t r a i n i n g , t h i s a l s o s e t s f o r t h many p o t e n t i a l s . ( l i s ) There i s so many d i f f e r e n t r o l e models and t h i n g s out t h e r e t h a t i t ' s d i f f i c u l t t o i d e n t i f y w i t h anyone o f them. You have one v e r s i o n o f manhood o r m a s c u l i n i t y and t h e n , I l i k e t o say a Hol lywood v e r s i o n , and t h e n you perhaps have o t h e r v e r s i o n s i n y o u r own f a m i l y o r o r whatnot , o t h e r v e r s i o n s i n the p r i n t e d i n the p r i n t e d m e d i a . ( I l l , p . 4 - 5 ) Men a r e not w e l l r e p r e s e n t e d i n the mass m e d i a . Who do you i d e n t i f y w i t h ? Perhaps i t i s our f e a r t h a t p r e v e n t s men from b e i n g p o r t r a y e d a c c u r a t e l y i n our c u l t u r e . F e a r t h a t once the s e c r e t i s o u t , we won' t be i n c o n t r o l anymore. The b i g news f l a s h i s t h a t men are se ldom i n complete c o n t r o l o f a n y t h i n g i n t h e i r l i v e s . ( I l l s ) (the they here refers to women looking for a partner) the l o o k keeps chang ing l i k e sometimes they want A l a n A l d a o r P h i l Donahue and then t h e y want Rambo and they want K e v i n C o s t n e r . (V, p . 7 ) 68 11) The experience that, in relationships with other men, the intimate sharing of emotions is not prevalent. F o r some o f the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s , t h i s i s about remarking on i n s t a n c e s when they o r a n o t h e r man s h a r e s d e e p l y e m o t i o n a l s t u f f . F o r some o f them t h i s i s about not h a v i n g the k i n d s o f e x p e r i e n c e s where t h e y would share deep emotions w i t h another man. F o r some o f them t h i s i s about the e x p e r i e n c e o f sometimes g o i n g f o r extended p e r i o d s w i t h o u t s e e i n g t h e i r male f r i e n d s . F o r some o f them t h i s i n c l u d e s the e x p e r i e n c e o f not e x p e r i e n c i n g c l o s e p h y s i c a l c o n t a c t w i t h o t h e r men. Examples o f comments t h a t were made a r e : I know t h a t I f i n d i t r emarkab le when I make a male f r i e n d , who I can t a l k t o v e r y i n t i m a t e l y , v e r y p e r s o n a l l y , um, and I d o n ' t t h i n k I r emark , I f i n d t h a t as remarkab le when i t i s a woman. ( I I , p .55 -56 ) I have maybe 1 o r 2 and I d o n ' t see them e v e r y d a y , I d o n ' t phone them e v e r y d a y , you know, once a week o r someth ing . And t h a t ' s f i n e , I 'm happy w i t h t h a t . ( I l l , p .14-15) 69 t a l k e d w i t h him f o r about an hour and a h a l f o r two hours about p e r s o n a l s t u f f and i t , I was v e r y aware t h a t t h i s i s v e r y uncommon t h a t , t h a t guys j u s t d o n ' t get d i s t r a u g h t t h a t o f t e n , they can get angry but not sad o r you know r e a l l y d i s t r e s s e d . ( I V , p .37) t h i s i s p r o b a b l y one o f y o u r b e t t e r known themes and I t h i n k i t i s v e r y t r u e . ( IVs) i f I 'm f r i e n d s w i t h a guy o r something and I h a v e n ' t t a l k e d t o him i n y e a r s and he phones me up a l l o f a sudden and says "hey wanna watch a , you know wanna watch a f o o t b a l l game o r something and uh i t ' s no b i g d e a l , I 'm not gonna say uh "why h a v e n ' t you phoned me i n ( laugh) a l l t h i s t i m e " . (V, p .19) 12) The experience that men gain strength from being in a sexual relationship with a woman. T h i s theme sugges ts t h a t men can f e e l a g r e a t e r sense o f c o n f i d e n c e b e i n g w i t h a woman. F o r some o f t h e c o - r e s e a r c h e r s t h i s a l s o i n c l u d e s an i n c r e a s e d f e e l i n g o f m a s c u l i n i t y as a r e s u l t o f b e i n g w i t h a woman. I t i n c l u d e s the b e n e f i t s o f t h e i r s e x u a l e x p e r i e n c e s . I t 70 a l s o i n c l u d e s the e x p e r i e n c e o f f e e l i n g l e s s c o n f i d e n t , more l o n e l y , l e s s male , w i t h o u t a woman. Examples o f comments t h a t were made a r e : the l a s t r e l a t i o n s h i p t h a t I was i n , i t was good b e c a u s e . . . I f e l t l i k e you know my l o v e r f e l t l i k e I was a r e a l l y good l o v e r . . . I f e e l more c o n f i d e n t i n m y s e l f b e i n g s e x u a l , as f a r as i n b e i n g a l o v e r and t h a t i s , I guess t h a t ' s i m p o r t a n t , t h a t ' s a n o t h e r i s s u e on male I guess and m a s c u l i n i t y i s whether you a r e a good l o v e r . ( I , p . 30-31) Of c o u r s e , the l i t t l e sex t h i n g does ( l a u g h ) , t h a t ' s I mean t h a t ' s j u s t i c i n g on the c a k e , you know, i t s c e r t a i n l y a g r e a t p a r t o f i t t o o . T h e r e a r e so many avenues you can pursue t h a t way. That t h a t r e a f f i r m s y o u r m a s c u l i n i t y , o r enhances y o u r m a s c u l i n i t y and a h , and by the same t o k e n , r e a f f i r m s and enhances her f e m i n i n i t y . ( I l l , p .44) I t h i n k b e i n g d e s i r e d , a c c e p t e d , l o v e d i s more a f a c t o r t h a n the a c t u a l sex ( a l t h o u g h t h a t c e r t a i n l y does impact on me). ( IVs) 71 We c a n ' t j u s t have s e l f - c o n f i d e n c e j u s t f o r uh you know j u s t from our own manhood, we need t o have i t r e i n f o r c e d by b e i n g around you know p e o p l e , e s p e c i a l l y women who g i v e us the s e l f - c o n f i d e n c e . (V , p .17) M i n o r Themes 1) The experience that positive changes are happening. [Three i n agreement] T h i s theme i s , as i t s a y s , about the f a c t t h a t t h e r e a r e some p o s i t i v e changes coming out o f the g e n e r a l changes t h a t a r e happening t o s o c i e t y . Examples o f comments t h a t were made a r e : I 'm an i n d i v i d u a l and I might f i n d t h a t , i t means t h e r e ' d be b e t t e r chances t h a t t h e r e w i l l be an i n d i v i d u a l who, t h a t , w i l l have the same e x p e c t a t i o n s as me, o r t h a t I might meet someone who i s more open t o d i f f e r e n t t h i n g s . ( I , p .16) There a r e many v e r y p o s i t i v e a s p e c t s o f even the more t r a d i t i o n a l c o n c e p t i o n s o f maleness and even more so i n c u r r e n t s o c i e t y t h a t a l l o w s so many ways 72 o f b e i n g "male" t o be r e c o g n i z e d and a c c e p t e d , even rewarded i n some ways t h a t would not have been some y e a r s ago . ( l i s ) I t l e t s everybody e x p l o r e and t o pursue what t h e y themse lves a r e i n t e r e s t e d i n and what t h e y f e e l t h a t t h e y a r e good a t . There a r e n ' t these r e s t r i c t i o n s and I t h i n k t h a t i s a g r e a t t h i n g has come out o f t h e f e m i n i s t movement o r i n modern t i m e s . ( I l l , p .12) H o p e f u l l y , the e x p e c t a t i o n s f o r men t o be the p r o v i d e r , p r o t e c t o r , and s t o i c r e s p e c t a b l e i n d i v i d u a l w i l l come t o an end soon . ( I l l s ) 2) Feeling unsure if a particular trait i s "male" or "human". [Three i n agreement] A g a i n , t h i s theme i s s e l f e x p l a n a t o r y . Comments i n c l u d e d i n t h i s theme a r e o f the c h a r a c t e r o f "but I c a n ' t be s u r e i f my h e s i t a t i o n i s about b e i n g m a l e , o r j u s t because I 'm a human b e i n g . " Examples o f comments t h a t were made a r e : i t ' s a l l t i e d u p , and I t h i n k i t ' s a l l q u i t e messy, you know, how much o f i t i s r e a l l y maleness 73 and how much i s t h i s c u l t u r e , t r a d i t i o n a l r o l e s t h a t we've t a k e n on f o r y e a r s and i t ' s j u s t been r e i n f o r c e d . ( I , p .38) (said in context of his talking about holding a position of power in a company) i t ' s g e t t i n g back t o t h a t whether i t ' s a m a s c u l i n e t h i n g o r a power t h i n g , o r i f i t makes you f e e l good as a man o r as a human b e i n g i n the p o s i t i o n o f power. ( I l l , p .41) I mean something makes me f e e l s e l f c o n f i d e n t but I , I d o n ' t know which t h i n g s s e p a r a t e j u s t g e n e r a l human c o n f i d e n c e and and so on from male c o n f i d e n c e . ( I V , p .31) 3) The experience that you are perceived as one of the group of victimizers. [Four i n agreement ] . T h i s theme addresses e x p e r i e n c e s o f e i t h e r h a v i n g p e r s o n a l l y been p e r c e i v e d o f as a t h r e a t , o r o f f e e l i n g t h a t , because they a r e men, they a r e lumped i n w i t h "those who v i c t i m i z e . " Examples o f comments t h a t were made a r e : 74 (said in context of talking about the various images of men that exist today) t h a t images o f t h e man as the q u i n t e s s e n t i a l v i c t i m i z e r . ( I I , p .12) they seem t o be b r a n d i n g a l l men as uh as p o t e n t i a l a g g r e s s o r s and a h , as v i o l e n t p e o p l e I f e e l a l i e n a t e d . I f e e l m i s u n d e r s t o o d , and I f e e l o f f e n d e d t h a t , uh i t might sound a l i t t l e c l i c h e , f l i p o r even c a v a l i e r , but no one I know i s l i k e t h a t . You know, most guys a r e s y m p a t h e t i c , and u h , you know, c a r i n g , compass ionate i n d i v i d u a l s . ( I l l , p . 7 ) Have been v e r b a l l y abused on the b a s i s t h a t "as a male [I] t e n d t o dominate debate" . ( IVs) y o u ' r e t r e a t e d e i t h e r as a g e n d e r l e s s p e r s o n o r as a p o t e n t i a l r a p i s t . You know as i f as i f our you know male h e t e r o s e x u a l i t y i s something uh something d i s g u s t i n g . (V, p .23) 75 C h a p t e r F i v e D i s c u s s i o n T h i s c h a p t e r w i l l b e g i n w i t h a r e - s t a t e m e n t o f the purpose o f the s t u d y , f o l l o w e d by a d i s c u s s i o n o f the r e s u l t s . The i m p l i c a t i o n s o f the r e s u l t s f o r c o u n s e l l i n g and f o r f u t u r e r e s e a r c h d i r e c t i o n s w i l l t h e n be e x p l o r e d . Restatement o f Purpose The purpose o f t h i s r e s e a r c h was t o u n d e r s t a n d , from t h e p e r s p e c t i v e o f a s m a l l group o f young w h i t e h e t e r o s e x u a l men, the e x p e r i e n c e o f b e i n g ma le . The r e s e a r c h q u e s t i o n t h a t was asked was: what i s i t l i k e t o be a man i n t h i s p l a c e , a t t h i s t ime i n h i s t o r y ? A p h e n o m e n o l o g i c a l methodology was employed i n o r d e r t o probe the e x p e r i e n c e o f these men a t the l e v e l o f meaning . A n a l y s i s o f the i n t e r v i e w t r a n s c r i p t s and t h e feedback from the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s y i e l d e d 12 themes f o r which a l l o f the men were i n agreement, as w e l l as two themes t h a t r e c e i v e d endorsement from t h r e e o f the men, and one theme t h a t r e c e i v e d endorsement from f o u r o f t h e c o - r e s e a r c h e r s . 76 Summary a n d D i s c u s s i o n o f R e s u l t s E a c h o f t h e t h e m e s y i e l d e d b y t h e a n a l y s i s w i l l b e d i s c u s s e d i n t u r n . T h e 12 m a j o r t h e m e s w i l l b e d i s c u s s e d f i r s t , f o l l o w e d b y t h e t h r e e m i n o r t h e m e s . A n e f f o r t w i l l b e made t o e x p l o r e t h e u n d e r l y i n g m e a n i n g o f e a c h t h e m e f o r t h e c o - r e s e a r c h e r s . A s n o t e d i n t h e M e t h o d o l o g y , p a r t o f t h e v a l u e o f t h e p h e n o m e n o l o g i c a l a p p r o a c h i s t h a t i t a l l o w s u s i n t o t h e m e a n i n g o f t h e e x p e r i e n c e s o f t h e c o - r e s e a r c h e r s . I t i s i n t h e p r e s e n t c h a p t e r t h a t t h e r i c h n e s s o f t h i s a p p r o a c h w i l l b e c o m e e v i d e n t . W h e r e r e l e v a n t , r e l a t i o n s h i p s w i l l b e d r a w n b e t w e e n t h e d i f f e r e n t t h e m e s a n d b e t w e e n t h e p r e s e n t r e s e a r c h a n d t h e l i t e r a t u r e r e v i e w e d i n c h a p t e r t w o . I n o r d e r t o make t h i s c h a p t e r m o r e r e a d a b l e , names h a v e b e e n a s s i g n e d t o t h e f i v e c o - r e s e a r c h e r s . C o -r e s e a r c h e r s o n e t h r o u g h f i v e w i l l b e r e f e r r e d t o a s A l , B o b , C a m , D o n , a n d E v a n r e s p e c t i v e l y . A l s o , I f e e l t h a t i t i s i m p o r t a n t t o n o t e t h a t , o f t h e f i v e c o -r e s e a r c h e r s , f o u r r e t u r n e d f e e d b a c k t o m e . I was u n a b l e t o l o c a t e A l w h e n i t came t i m e t o m a i l o u t t h e t h e m a t i c s u m m a r i e s . H i s c o m m e n t s a r e d r a w n s o l e l y f r o m h i s i n t e r v i e w . 7 7 The e x p e r i e n c e o f economic r e s p o n s i b i l i t y and e x p e c t a t i o n s . F o r a l l f i v e o f the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s , t h i s theme f i t . However, b o t h the impact and t h e o r i g i n s o f t h i s s o c i a l e x p e c t a t i o n v a r i e d . Cam p e r c e i v e d i t as a b s u r d . In response t o my q u e s t i o n c o n c e r n i n g t h e s o c i a l e x p e c t a t i o n s t h a t he e x p e r i e n c e d he s a i d : " . . . s o m e o f them are j u s t so f a r gone and so out o f t o u c h w i t h t o d a y ' s . . . w a y s o f t h i n k i n g and f o r t h i s e r a t h a t i t ' s not even f u n n y . " He goes on t o d i s c u s s the economic r e a l i t i e s o f the t w i l i g h t o f the 20th C e n t u r y , the f a c t o f h i g h unemployment, and the need f o r two incomes i n a f a m i l y . Cam f e e l s the e x p e c t a t i o n , but h i s re sponse i s t o say 'oh come o n ! ' He does not a l l o w the e x p e c t a t i o n t o have much impact on h i m . Bob, the o n l y one o f the f o u r who i s m a r r i e d , makes r e f e r e n c e t o t h i s theme, as noted i n the R e s u l t s , i n c o n t e x t o f h i s f a m i l y . In h i s f eedback , Bob a s s e r t s t h a t h i s response was i n t e n d e d as an e x p l i c a t i o n o f a s o c i a l e x p e c t a t i o n and not h i s own b e l i e f . I t i s u n c l e a r t o what degree t h i s e x p e c t a t i o n a c t u a l l y impacts upon h i s e x p e r i e n c e o f h i m s e l f . However, he a l s o makes n o t e , i n h i s f eedback , o f r e c e n t media coverage " r e g a r d i n g 'dead beat d a d s ' ; men who s k i p c h i l d s u p p o r t . But l i t t l e about men who a r e e m o t i o n a l l y 78 a b s e n t . I t i s our f i n a n c i a l presence t h a t ge ts a t t e n t i o n . " A l , Don, and Evan a l l make r e f e r e n c e t o t h i s theme i n c o n t e x t o f t h e i r r o m a n t i c r e l a t i o n s h i p s , o r l a c k t h e r e o f , w i t h women. A l speaks o f the women h i s age as b e i n g p r i m a r i l y s i n g l e mothers , and t h a t t h e y , u n d e r s t a n d a b l y , want someone who i s f i n a n c i a l l y s t a b l e , someone who can p r o v i d e . B e i n g unemployed, t h i s l e a v e s him f e e l i n g i n a d e q u a t e . He s t a t e s : I count m y s e l f out when I meet a woman. I say t o m y s e l f ' w e l l , you know, I d o n ' t have a n i c e c a r and I d o n ' t have a house and a l l t h e s e m a t e r i a l comfor t s t o o f f e r so i m m e d i a t e l y s h e ' s not even gonna want t o c o n s i d e r me ' . However, he t h e n goes on t o t e l l a s t o r y o f a s i t u a t i o n i n which he made t h i s assumpt ion and was wrong. The woman ended up a s k i n g him o u t . H i s economic s t a t u s was not as i m p o r t a n t t o her as he had b e l i e v e d i t t o b e . Don, i n h i s f eedback , notes i t "appears many, i f not most , women l o o k f o r [economic s t a b i l i t y ] a l s o . J u s t l o o k a t the ' p e r s o n a l a d s ' . " He f e e l s t h i s e x p e c t a t i o n from b o t h women and s o c i e t y as a who le . F o r h i m , the e x p e c t a t i o n l e a v e s him f e e l i n g a l a c k o f 79 c o n f i d e n c e s i n c e he does not measure u p . As w e l l , t h i s e x p e c t a t i o n i s t i e d up w i t h a f e e l i n g t h a t he i s b e i n g p e n a l i z e d by the job market f o r b e i n g a w h i t e m a l e . F o r h i m , the c o m b i n a t i o n o f the c o n t i n u e d e x p e c t a t i o n t o e x c e l e c o n o m i c a l l y and the i n j u n c t i o n t h a t e q u a l i t y can o n l y be r e a c h e d i f women a r e h i r e d o v e r men, l e a v e s him f e e l i n g b i t t e r . E v a n ' s comments a r e v e r y s i m i l a r . He, t o o , t a l k s o f the e x p e c t a t i o n s p e c i f i c a l l y i n c o n t e x t o f women w a n t i n g men who are f i n a n c i a l l y s t a b l e , a l s o making r e f e r e n c e t o p e r s o n a l ads i n which he p e r c e i v e s women as "being v e r y p i c k y . They say f i n a n c i a l l y s e c u r e , which we know means r i c h . " H i s e x p e r i e n c e i s t h a t he i s not a p p r e c i a t e d f o r h i m s e l f . He s t a t e s e x p l i c i t l y t h a t "men get no a p p r e c i a t i o n o r r e c o g n i t i o n u n l e s s we a c h i e v e . " And l i k e Don, he r e l a t e s t h i s t o the e x p e c t a t i o n t h a t men o f t h i s g e n e r a t i o n s h o u l d g i v e up o p p o r t u n i t i e s so t h a t women can f o r g e ahead . He i s l e f t w i t h a f e e l i n g t h a t t h i n g s as they s t a n d a r e u n f a i r . A l a l s o makes r e f e r e n c e t o t h i s theme i n c o n t e x t o f h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h h i s f a t h e r . He s a y s : I worry a l o t about what my p a r e n t s t h i n k about me, my f a t h e r because I d i d n ' t get a t r a d e and I h a v e n ' t been work ing s i n c e h i g h 80 s c h o o l a n d I f e e l l i k e I am a d i s a p p o i n t m e n t t o my f a t h e r . We may c o n c l u d e t h a t , a l t h o u g h e a c h man e x p e r i e n c e s t h i s e x p e c t a t i o n , i t h a s d i f f e r e n t i a l i m p a c t s o n e a c h o f t h e m . One n o t e w o r t h y i t e m i s A l ' s s t o r y o f t h e woman w h o s e a c t i o n s c o n t r a d i c t e d h i s a s s u m p t i o n t h a t s h e w o u l d n o t w a n t h i m b e c a u s e h e w a s n o t w o r k i n g . We a r e l e f t w o n d e r i n g how r e p r e s e n t a t i v e a r e t h e p e r s o n a l a d s , o r w h a t e a c h w o m a n ' s m o t i v a t i o n i s f o r w a n t i n g f i n a n c i a l l y s e c u r e m e n . W h a t s e e m s c l e a r i s t h a t t h i s e x p e c t a t i o n i s s t i l l a p a r t o f t h i s c u l t u r e . I n c o n t e x t o f t h e l i t e r a t u r e , we s e e t h a t men t o d a y c o n t i n u e t o e x p e r i e n c e a n e x p e c t a t i o n t h a t t h e y b e h a v e l i k e a m a l e m a c h i n e ( F a s t e a u , 1 9 7 5 ) . I t a l s o s u p p o r t s t h e w r i t i n g s o f O ' N e i l ( 1 9 8 2 ) , w h e r e h e s p e a k s o f t h e M a s c u l i n e M y s t i q u e f o c u s i n g o n a c h i e v i n g a n d s u c c e e d i n g i n c a r e e r m a t t e r s , a n d t h o s e o f B r a n n o n ( 1 9 7 6 ) , i n t h a t t h e c o - r e s e a r c h e r s e x p e r i e n c e d a n e x p e c t a t i o n t o b e w h a t B r a n n o n ( 1 9 7 6 ) w o u l d t e r m a B i g W h e e l . O f i n t e r e s t a r e t h e d i f f e r e n t r e s p o n s e s t o t h i s e x p e c t a t i o n a n d t h e f o c u s o f t h r e e o f t h e c o -r e s e a r c h e r s o n t h i s e x p e c t a t i o n a s h a v i n g s p e c i f i c a l l y 81 to do with t h e i r p o t e n t i a l romantic re l a t i o n s h i p s with women. In context of contemporary culture, t h i s theme seems s t r i k i n g l y s i g n i f i c a n t . I think p a r t i c u l a r l y of the recent vociferous c a l l s for the elimination of affirmative action programs and the e l e c t i o n i n the United States of Newt Gingerich and other strong r i g h t wing p o l i t i c i a n s . Perhaps these events would not be so pronounced were i t not for the fact that many young white middle class men s t i l l f e e l the expectation to achieve, achieve, achieve. In context of t h i s expectation as part of the male experience, as part of what i t means to be a man i n society's eyes, such events make more sense. I t seems a c l e a r double message to both ask these indiv i d u a l s to w i l l i n g l y make space for others' success and at the same time continue to t e l l them that they are expected to succeed i n the same way as before. I suggest that t h i s i s a recipe f o r di s a s t e r and backlash. I f we are to expect such men to buy into processes l i k e affirmative action, we need to do away with the s o c i a l expectation of t h e i r economic success. 82 P h y s i c a l / O u t d o o r a c t i v i t y and m a s c u l i n i t y . A l l f i v e o f the men s u p p o r t e d t h i s theme, w i t h s e v e r a l c a v e a t s . In h i s f eedback , Bob s t a t e s : I d o n ' t b e l i e v e I l o o k f o r the j o c k image. I t i s more a m a t t e r o f a sense o f s e l f -a s s u r a n c e — a p p r o a c h i n g 'good o l d ' i d e a l s o f i n d i v i d u a l i s m — t h a t are r e i n f o r c e d when I t a k e t ime f o r p h y s i c a l a c t i v i t y . A t the same t i m e , he says i n the i n t e r v i e w t h a t "most o f the t h i n g s I push m y s e l f i n a r e [men's s t u f f ] " , men's s t u f f b e i n g a r e f e r e n c e t o those t h i n g s which a r e t r a d i t i o n a l l y c o n s i d e r e d w i t h i n the male domain , l i k e b a c k p a c k i n g , c a n o e i n g , k a y a k i n g , and m o u n t a i n e e r i n g . He a l s o expres se s a c o n c e r n t h a t , as m a s c u l i n i t y and "the whole t h i n g about b e i n g a man" i s c r i t i q u e d , such v e r y p o s i t i v e a c t i v i t i e s not have the c r i t i q u e ' s "negat ive l i g h t o r the n e g a t i v e shadow" c a s t on them. Bob i n d i c a t e s t h a t he f e e l s angry when such a c t i v i t i e s a r e put down o r d i s m i s s e d as p a r t o f the c r i t i q u e o f m a s c u l i n i t y . In h i s f eedback , Don comments t h a t he does not see t h i s a r e a as e x c l u s i v e l y m a s c u l i n e i n t h a t he knows women who engage competent ly i n o u t d o o r a c t i v i t i e s . T h i s ge ts a t one o f the d i f f i c u l t i e s i n h e r e n t i n t h i s 83 s t u d y , which i s the way i n which m a s c u l i n i t y i s d e f i n e d by the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s . We w i l l l o o k a t t h i s i n more d e t a i l be low. There a r e a l s o deeper e lements o f t h i s theme t h a t b e a r i n v e s t i g a t i n g . Cam p l a y e d hockey a lmost t o t h e p r o f e s s i o n a l l e v e l , and t a l k e d about the sense o f b e i n g p a r t o f a team and the bond ing and commitment t h a t r e s u l t e d . T h i s s u p p o r t s M e s s n e r ' s (1987) a s s e r t i o n t h a t one o f the t h i n g s t h a t men want t o get out o f s p o r t s i s a sense o f c a m a r a d e r i e . A t the same t i m e , Cam notes t h a t he needed t h a t when he was young , but t h a t as an a d u l t , a n y t h i n g t h a t a l l - c o n s u m i n g would be t o o i n v a s i v e i n h i s l i f e . We w i l l r e t u r n t o t h i s when d i s c u s s i n g f r i e n d s h i p s . Both Cam and Don t a l k a b o u t , as Cam puts i t , "the l a s t p e r s o n p i c k e d on the team c r u s h i n g blow s c e n a r i o . " F o r b o t h o f them, b e i n g good a t s p o r t s has enhanced t h e i r c o n f i d e n c e . The f l i p s i d e o f t h i s i s t h a t not d o i n g w e l l a t s p o r t s lowered t h e i r sense o f c o n f i d e n c e . We can r e l a t e t h i s back t o the i s s u e o f ach ievement , and the f e e l i n g t h a t a man i s judged i n terms o f what he can d o , how he can p e r f o r m . T h i s a l s o l ends s u p p o r t t o M e s s n e r ' s (1987) f i n d i n g s . 84 Bob touches on s e v e r a l i n t e r e s t i n g i s s u e s i n h i s i n t e r v i e w . He notes t h a t h i s son comes t o him when he wants t o p l a y , o r be r o u g h , but t o Bob ' s w i f e when he wants t o be n u r t u r e d . He s t a t e s : Now I 'm s u r e t h a t t h e r e ' s s t u f f t h a t I have done t h a t . . . w e ' v e done t h a t have n u r t u r e d t h a t o r done t h a t o r s o c i a l i z e d him t h a t way ( I n t e r v i e w e r : R i g h t . ) . B u t , urn, so I am aware o f t h a t and a h , as much as I t r y t o say ' w e l l I 'm a new age male and I 'm gonna do a l l t h a t s t u f f d i f f e r e n t l y t h a n the guys b e f o r e me d i d ' , u l t i m a t e l y i t ' s p r e t t y much the same. What i s i n t e r e s t i n g here i s t h a t Bob touches on the communicat ion o f v a l u e s h e r e , o f the v a l u e o f p l a y and r o u g h h o u s i n g and i t s c o n n e c t i o n t o m a s c u l i n i t y . Don a l s o h e l p s us t o focus on t h i s . In r e s p o n d i n g t o my q u e s t i o n about e x p e r i e n c e s i n the home t h a t gave him a sense o f ma leness , he s a y s , w i t h r e f e r e n c e t o h i s f a t h e r , t h a t "watching him i n the o u t d o o r s and so on was a l o t o f what my awareness was o f you know b e i n g male I guess ." There i s a s u g g e s t i o n t h a t t h i s i n f o r m a t i o n was t r a n s m i t t e d from f a t h e r t o son t h r o u g h a c t i o n . A t the same t ime t h e r e i s a sense o f ambiva lence b o t h here and l a t e r i n the t r a n s c r i p t , 85 which r e l a t e s back t o the i s s u e above c o n c e r n i n g d e f i n i t i o n s o f m a s c u l i n i t y . R e p r e s e n t a t i v e n e s s . An u n d e r l y i n g e lement o f t h i s theme f o r A l , Bob, and Cam i s t h e i r sense t h a t each i s more e m o t i o n a l l y a v a i l a b l e , o r b r i s t l e s l e s s , o r i s more s e n s i t i v e , r e s p e c t i v e l y , t h a n o t h e r men. My e x p e r i e n c e o f a l l o f the men i n t h i s s t u d y was t h a t t h e y were s e n s i t i v e and t h o u g h t f u l and t o l e r a n t . I am l e f t wonder ing i f t h e r e are not many men l i k e them, but f o r c e r t a i n reasons we do not know t h i s . T h a t i s , I am l e f t wonder ing how r e p r e s e n t a t i v e they a r e . We w i l l r e t u r n t o t h i s be low. I t i s i n t e r e s t i n g , however, t h a t t h i s does s u p p o r t the r e s u l t s o f Moore and N u t t a l l ' s (1981) r e s e a r c h which found t h a t men see the t y p i c a l male as i n s t r u m e n t a l and i n e x p r e s s i v e and themse lves as d i f f e r e n t . Don, i n h i s f eedback , says t h a t t h i s " t i e [ s ] i n w i t h not measur ing up t o m a s c u l i n e mode l s , i d e a l s . I 'm p o o r , u n d e r w e i g h t , not s e x u a l l y e x p e r i e n c e d , e t c . D o n ' t know i f t h i s i s the r u l e o r the e x c e p t i o n . " In summing up the i n t e r v i e w , he s a y s : A l o t o f the prob lem I have i n t r y i n g t o a n a l y z e my e x p e r i e n c e s i s the prob lem o f compar ing i t t o anyone e l s e ( I : u h - h u h ) . I 86 s u r e d o n ' t wanna compare i t t o the the i d e a l o r t h e , you know, the messages t h a t we get from s o c i e t y , but i t would s u r e be n i c e t o know what a r e the common e x p e r i e n c e s . T h i s connec t s w i t h Don's comments above about h a v i n g t r o u b l e d e c i d i n g what i s m a s c u l i n e b e h a v i o u r . Not knowing the norm, he has t r o u b l e d e c i d i n g where he s t a n d s . T h i s echoes Cam's q u e s t i o n a t the end o f h i s f eedback about how h i s responses f i t w i t h t h o s e o f the o t h e r men. We see here a genuine d e s i r e t o have a sense o f how they f i t i n as men. F o r E v a n , t h i s i s r e l a t e d t o "what we hear from mass m e d i a . B e i n g a male s h o u l d be r e a l l y easy (our group i s i n power) . That makes i n s e c u r i t y worse , and f e e l i n g s o f b e i n g a l o n e i n my p r o b l e m s . " T h i s t akes us t o a deeper e m o t i o n a l l e v e l , and goes a l o n g w i t h one o f Don's comments t h a t t h i s not knowing makes i t h a r d f o r him t o f i g u r e out where and how he ' f i t s ' . I t i s a l s o r e l e v a n t t o the theme o f e x p e c t a t i o n s o f c o n f i d e n c e be low. Bob p r o v i d e s us w i t h a u s e f u l c a v e a t i n h i s f e e d b a c k , s a y i n g t h a t he i s "caut ious here i n t h a t I would not expec t anyone t o be r e p r e s e n t a t i v e o f a group 87 i n g e n e r a l . " I t o o am c a u t i o u s , and do not want t o sugges t t h a t t h e r e i s i n f a c t any ' i n g e n e r a l ' . And y e t something c l e a r l y i s g o i n g on h e r e . I b e l i e v e t h a t t h e r e a r e two s a l i e n t p o i n t s t o make. F i r s t , i f we r e f e r back t o F a s t e a u ' s (1975) a s s e r t i o n s c o n c e r n i n g m a s c u l i n i t y , we f i n d t h a t he argues t h a t much o f the p a i n o f b e i n g a male i s the r e s u l t o f our s o c i a l i z e d need t o compete. Now c o m p e t i t i o n means w i n n i n g , and i n o r d e r t o win one needs t o h o l d one ' s c a r d s c l o s e t o the c h e s t as i t were . An e t h i c o f c o m p e t i t i o n c o u l d be seen t o l e a d t o a s i t u a t i o n i n which the c o m p e t i t o r s do not know, i n d e e d ought not t o know, what and how each o t h e r i s d o i n g u n t i l the c o m p e t i t i o n i s o v e r and the p r i z e i s awarded. I t i s o n l y a f t e r the f o o t b a l l team wins the Grey Cup t h a t we hear o f the e x t e n t o f the i n j u r i e s t o t h e s t a r q u a r t e r b a c k . I t i s o n l y once the b a t t l e i s won t h a t we l e a r n t h a t the v i c t o r s had fewer m i s s i l e s t h a n t h e y c l a i m e d . In terms o f w i n n i n g , i t i s s u i c i d e t o admit weakness . I f b o t h I and my c o l l e a g u e John a r e v y i n g f o r the same p r o m o t i o n , I do not d i s c l o s e t o him t h a t I need h e l p i n a p a r t i c u l a r a r e a o f t h e j o b . Indeed , i n a l l o f these i n s t a n c e s , one w i l l e x a g g e r a t e 88 t h e s u p e r i o r i t y o f one ' s p o s i t i o n r e l a t i v e t o t h e o t h e r s . Of c o u r s e , i n o r d e r t o know how each o t h e r i s d o i n g , we must share o f o u r s e l v e s w i t h one a n o t h e r , and t h a t i s the second p o i n t . We w i l l r e t u r n t o t h i s i s s u e when t a l k i n g about f r i e n d s h i p . F o r now, i t i s i n t e r e s t i n g t o note t h a t t h i s f i t s w i t h 0 ' N e i l ' s (1982) themes o f a v o i d i n g i n t i m a c y w i t h o t h e r men a n d , t o some e x t e n t , s e e k i n g h e l p from o t h e r s , i f we can c o n c e i v e o f " r e a c h i n g out t o l e a r n what i s t y p i c a l " as a form o f s e e k i n g h e l p . I t i s a t l e a s t an a c t i o n t h a t l e a v e s one v u l n e r a b l e . In t h i s r e s p e c t , i t i n d i c a t e s some s u p p o r t f o r B r a n n o n ' s (1976) theme o f No S i s s y S t u f f , a l t h o u g h here i t i s more a m a t t e r o f l e a v i n g o n e s e l f v u l n e r a b l e o r a d m i t t i n g a need r a t h e r than not b e h a v i n g i n a f e m i n i n e manner. E x p e r i e n c i n g c o n f l i c t i n g e x p e c t a t i o n s . One u n d e r l y i n g e x p e r i e n c e , r e p r e s e n t e d by Don and E v a n ' s comments, r e l a t e s t o the c o n f l i c t i n g e x p e c t a t i o n s o f women towards men, and how d i f f i c u l t i t i s t h e r e f o r e t o know how t o behave i n r e l a t i o n t o women. T h i s causes problems f o r b o t h o f them i n t h a t they a r e l e f t not knowing what i s the b e s t way t o behave . F u r t h e r , Evan 89 ends up f e e l i n g i s o l a t e d and l o n e l y as a r e s u l t o f t h e s e c o n f l i c t i n g e x p e c t a t i o n s . F o r A l , the c o n f l i c t i n g e x p e c t a t i o n s a r e c o n f u s i n g , but he l o o k s forward t o them as a c h a l l e n g e . As w e l l , he sees the c o n f l i c t as h o l d i n g out hope t h a t he w i l l be a b l e t o meet a woman who w i l l f i t him s p e c i f i c a l l y . He notes t h a t he i s "not as c o n c e r n e d w i t h , you know, t o o w o r r i e d a b o u t , s o c i e t y i n g e n e r a l because when I meet someone, you know, I can be an i n d i v i d u a l w i t h them." Cam echoes t h e s e s en t iment s i n h i s f e e d b a c k , s a y i n g : "more i m p o r t a n t l y , I t h i n k , i s t h a t one s h o u l d t r u s t h i s i n s t i n c t s and do what he f e e l s good about i n any g i v e n s i t u a t i o n . " Two p o i n t s seem s i g n i f i c a n t h e r e . F i r s t , we note t h a t the e x p e r i e n c e o f c o n f l i c t i n g e x p e c t a t i o n s can l e a d t o d i f f e r e n t secondary e x p e r i e n c e s . Second , we note t h a t A l , Don, and Evan a l l l o c a t e the e x p e r i e n c e o f c o n f l i c t i n g e x p e c t a t i o n s i n t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s w i t h women. T h i s theme i n d i c a t e s s u p p o r t f o r Moore and N u t t a l l ' s (1981) c o n c l u s i o n t h a t "males a r e i n d e e d c o n f r o n t e d by c o n t r a d i c t o r y demands and e x p e c t a t i o n s " (p . 324) . 90 F e e l i n g g r e a t e r s a f e t y as a w h i t e man. O n l y t h r e e o f the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s made comments i n the i n t e r v i e w s t h a t s u p p o r t e d t h i s theme. However, a l l f i v e agreed t h a t i t f i t f o r them i n t h e i r f eedback . Both Don and Evan note t h a t t h e y have r e a d a r t i c l e s t h a t sugges t t h a t s t a t i s t i c a l l y , most v i o l e n c e i s committed a g a i n s t men. F o r Don, t h i s l e a v e s him wonder ing i f he i s j u s t d e l u d i n g h i m s e l f s i n c e he l a c k s n e g a t i v e e x p e r i e n c e s w i t h v i o l e n c e . F o r E v a n , whose s u p p o r t f o r t h i s theme i s d e r i v e d s o l e l y from h i s f eedback , i t comes down t o i g n o r i n g i s s u e s o f s a f e t y . In h i s f eedback , he s a y s : "I have t o do whatever needs t o get done and c a n ' t a f f o r d t o worry about my own s a f e t y . We a r e not r a i s e d t o t h i n k o f our b o d i e s as ' s a c r e d ' . " Bob, whose s u p p o r t i s a l s o d e r i v e d s o l e l y from h i s f e e d b a c k , t a l k s o f something s i m i l a r . He s a y s : I do t h i n g s l i k e w a l k i n g t o my c a r l a t e a t n i g h t w i t h o u t c o n s i d e r i n g whether o r not i t i s s a f e t o do so ( i n a p l a c e t h a t i s s a f e f o r me by d a y l i g h t ) . I know o t h e r s do t h i n k about t h i s . F o r a l l t h r e e o f these men t h e r e i s a sense t h a t i t i s not so much t h a t they a r e i n a c t u a l f a c t more s a f e , but t h a t they f e e l t h a t way, o r d o n ' t t h i n k about i t . 91 O ' N e i l (1982) sugges ts t h a t p a r t o f the Male M y s t i q u e i s b e i n g i n c o n t r o l o f o n e ' s e n v i r o n m e n t . Perhaps i t i s the case t h a t i n b e i n g s o c i a l i z e d t o expec t o u r s e l v e s t o be i n c o n t r o l , we end up p u t t i n g o u r s e l v e s a t r i s k by not c o n s i d e r i n g , o r not b e i n g w i l l i n g t o a d m i t , the r i s k . O r , a g a i n , perhaps what we have here i s r e l a t e d t o B r a n n o n ' s (1976) theme o f No S i s s y S t u f f . I t would b e l i e weakness t o admit t h a t we a r e i n danger and s o , due t o our c o n d i t i o n i n g as men, we do n o t . A n o t h e r component o f t h i s may be j u s t what Evan s u g g e s t s , t h a t we a r e not r a i s e d t o t h i n k o f our b o d i e s as s a c r e d . I b e l i e v e t h a t such a b e l i e f i s o f c r i t i c a l impor tanc e t o the c o n t i n u a t i o n o f what I see as o u r v i o l e n c e obsessed c u l t u r e . I cannot t h i n k o f more t h a n two o r t h r e e men t h a t I know who I c o u l d not goad i n t o a f i s t f i g h t . I f we as men saw our b o d i e s as s a c r e d and f e l t c o n c e r n f o r our s a f e t y , who would f i g h t t h e wars? Who would be the cannon fodder? To encourage men i n such a s a c r e d d i r e c t i o n i s t o c h a l l e n g e the u n d e r l y i n g o r d e r o f the m i l i t a r y i n d u s t r i a l system i t s e l f . F e e l i n g s o f b e i n g a p r o t e c t o r . F o r Bob and Don the theme f i t s f o r them, a l t h o u g h the s p e c i f i c word p r o t e c t o r d i d n o t . I t h i n k t h a t I s e l e c t e d t h i s word i n 92 l a r g e measure , w i t h r e f e r e n c e t o my own e x p e r i e n c e s . Don says t h a t f o r him i t i s o n l y p a r t l y t r u e . In h i s f eedback he s a y s : " f o r me, i t ' s more o f a s e n s i t i v i t y t o not want ing t o c o n t r i b u t e t o women's f e a r s . " Bob i s e x p l i c i t about f e e l i n g a sense o f r e s p o n s i b i l i t y i n s i t u a t i o n s i n which he h o l d s a power p o s i t i o n w i t h r e s p e c t t o o t h e r s , r a t h e r t h a n a g e n e r a l sense o f b e i n g a p r o t e c t o r . In the i n t e r v i e w , Cam t a l k s about a s i m i l a r e x p e r i e n c e around power. He has h e l d jobs i n which he had power o v e r o t h e r s , and he s t a t e s : You know, you r e a l l y s h o u l d j u s t , I t h i n k , i t ' s more manly t o use t h a t p o w e r . . . t o the good o f peop le than t o use i t s e l f i s h l y o r as a weapon a g a i n s t a g a i n s t o t h e r i n d i v i d u a l s . " Cam f e e l s more a man when he uses power f o r the good o f o t h e r s . In h i s f eedback , Cam takes a b r o a d e r approach t o the theme and t a l k s o f the f r u s t r a t i o n t h a t comes from "the overwhelming sense o f r e s p o n s i b i l i t y t o p r o t e c t home and h e a r t h . " F o r b o t h A l and E v a n , t h i s theme takes on a v i o l e n t t o n e . A l says t h a t , i f someone were t o a t t a c k h i s g i r l f r i e n d he "would do e v e r y t h i n g t o s t o p t h a t . I c o u l d k i l l a p e r s o n i f I thought they were gonna harm 93 someone." Evan d i d not have comments t h a t f i t t h i s theme, but agreed t h a t i t d i d f i t f o r him and r e f e r s back t o h i s comments i n the p r e v i o u s i t e m . There he s a y s : " i f we get h u r t p h y s i c a l l y we move on and must not make excuses t o a v o i d r i s k . " Both o f t h e s e men's comments suggest a w i l l i n g n e s s t o r i s k b e i n g h u r t i n o r d e r t o p r o t e c t o t h e r s . T h i s sense o f r e s p o n s i b i l i t y towards o t h e r s , Don's s e n s i t i v i t y towards women, Cam's and B o b ' s d e s i r e s t o use power t o the b e n e f i t o t h e r s , i s not something t h a t i s much m i r r o r e d i n the l i t e r a t u r e . I t does not appear i n B r a n n o n ' s (1976) s o c i a l c o n s t r u c t i o n o f m a s c u l i n i t y , nor i s i t p a r t o f O ' N e i l ' s (1982) M a s c u l i n e M y s t i q u e . Indeed , most o f the l i t e r a t u r e rev iewed f o r the p r e s e n t r e s e a r c h focuses on the n e g a t i v e a s p e c t s o f the c o n s t r u c t i o n o f m a s c u l i n i t y and the n e g a t i v e p e r s o n a l and s o c i a l outcomes o f the c o n s t r u c t i o n . M a n l i n e s s i s c o n t e x t u a l . As i s e v i d e n t i n the R e s u l t s , t h i s theme has two d i s t i n c t e l e m e n t s . A l , Cam, and Don a l l make e x p l i c i t r e f e r e n c e t o t h a t which i s m a s c u l i n e b e i n g t h a t which women do not d o . In E v a n ' s i n t e r v i e w , t h i s e lement i s i m p l i c i t . When I ask him about the ways t h a t men i n t e r a c t , he a t tempts t o i l l u s t r a t e how men would behave by t a l k i n g about how 94 women behave and t h e n i n d i c a t i n g t h a t men would not do t h a t . F o r b o t h A l and Don, t h i s makes i t p r o b l e m a t i c f o r them t o say what makes them f e e l m a l e . A f t e r a s k i n g A l about h i s e x p e r i e n c e s i n r e c r e a t i o n a l a c t i v i t i e s t h a t connec t him w i t h h i s sense o f ma leness , he s a y s : Y e a , i t ' s j u s t t h a t i t ' s so s l i p p e r y because sometimes I do something l i k e t h a t which I f e e l i s p u t t i n g m y s e l f i n t o u c h w i t h my m a s c u l i n i t y but t h e r e ' s always an e x c e p t i o n t o the r u l e l i k e I ' l l see a woman and she can be j u s t l i k e t h a t t o o . Um, but so s t i l l you know, s t i l l i f I f e e l i t ' s , you know, b e i n g i n t o u c h w i t h my maleness t h a t ' s what i t i s , I guess . Um, God, I d o n ' t know! Sometimes, sometimes I j u s t w i sh gender w a s n ' t an i s s u e a t a l l . A l s o i n response t o my q u e s t i o n about r e c r e a t i o n a l a c t i v i t i e s , Don s a y s : "that i s h a r d t o d i f f e r e n t i a t e cause I ' v e so many f r i e n d s , female f r i e n d s t h a t a r e n ' t r e p r e s e n t a t i v e ( I : Yea) so i t ' s h a r d f o r me t o say what makes me f e e l m a l e . " Note t h a t they are not s a y i n g t h a t women do t h i n g s and so t h i s makes i t d i f f i c u l t t o say what i t i s t h a t 95 might be t h e o r e t i c a l l y d e f i n e d as ma le . They a r e s a y i n g t h a t , when women behave i n a c e r t a i n way, i t i s h a r d f o r them t o t h e n say what makes them feel male. T h i s i s a s i g n i f i c a n t d i f f e r e n c e , and r e l a t e s t o what M i s h k i n d e t a l . (1986) t a l k about w i t h r e f e r e n c e t o t h e w o r l d o f work, and the i d e a t h a t the e n t r a n c e o f women i n t o male f i e l d s o f endeavour was a c h a l l e n g e t o m a s c u l i n i t y i t s e l f . I t s h o u l d be noted t h a t Bob does not agree w i t h the i d e a o f what i s male b e i n g what i s not f e m a l e . In h i s f eedback he s t a t e s : T h i s p a r t I do not agree w i t h . I t i s o f t e n a m a t t e r o f b e i n g d e f i n e d i n r e l a t i o n t o f e m a l e — b u t not u s u a l l y o r even v e r y much i n o p p o s i t i o n t o f e m a l e . What does f i t f o r Bob i s the e x p e r i e n c e t h a t what i s male changes depending on who one i s w i t h . T h i s i s a l s o t r u e o f the o t h e r men's e x p e r i e n c e . Assumpt ions o f c o n f i d e n c e / c o m p e t e n c e . T h i s theme was the r e s u l t o f c o l l a p s i n g two themes, one o f which c o n c e r n e d assumptions o f c o n f i d e n c e , the o t h e r assumpt ions o f competence. The two were c o l l a p s e d because the i s s u e s b l e n d e d w e l l . 96 The impact t h a t such assumptions have on the men v a r i e s somewhat, but comes down t o a c o r e o f e s s e n t i a l e l e m e n t s . F o r A l , the e x p e c t a t i o n l e a v e s him f e e l i n g u n c o m f o r t a b l e t h a t he does not demonstrate such c o n f i d e n c e . Evan f e e l s t h i s as a b u r d e n , and f e e l s t h a t as a man he i s g i v e n the i m p o s s i b l e t a s k o f b e i n g e x p e c t e d t o always be c o n f i d e n t . In h i s f eedback he s p e c i f i c a l l y r e l a t e s t h i s t o h i s e x p e r i e n c e s w i t h women w h e r e i n he has shown h i s more v u l n e r a b l e s i d e o n l y t o be l a b e l e d "immature" o r "a baby ." Don's e x p e r i e n c e w i t h t h i s a l s o has t o do w i t h h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p s w i t h women. He f e e l s t h a t on da te s women a r e e x p e c t i n g him t o be the i n i t i a t o r , t o be a s s e r t i v e . However, he does not f e e l c o n f i d e n t i n t h i s a r e n a and so ends up f e e l i n g l i k e "a g u t l e s s wonder." A t the same t i m e , he s t a t e s i n h i s feedback t h a t t h i s theme i s a l s o a more g e n e r a l s o c i a l e x p e c t a t i o n . He p e r c e i v e s b u s i n e s s as want ing a s e l f - c o n f i d e n t g o - g e t t e r . Cam says t h a t t h i s assumpt ion "puts so much unneces sary p r e s s u r e on y o u . I f you c a n ' t cope you f e e l l i k e a f a i l u r e . " In h i s i n t e r v i e w he t a l k s o f b e i n g e x p e c t e d t o hand le s t r e s s and p r e s s u r e j u s t because he i s m a l e . 97 In a l i g h t e r , but r e l a t e d v e i n , Bob t a l k s o f f e e l i n g embarrassed not knowing the r u l e s o f hockey . The knowledge, he j o k i n g l y s u g g e s t s : you know i t comes w i t h c e r t a i n k i n d s o f hormones o r someth ing , I d o n ' t know. But you know t h e r e i s d e f i n i t e l y t h a t e x p e c t a t i o n and t h a t e q u a t i o n o f m a s c u l i n e e q u a l s male e q u a l s b o y s ' i n t e r e s t s . " T h i s theme i s p r e s e n t i n b o t h 0 ' N e i l ' s (1982) M a s c u l i n e M y s t i q u e and B r a n n o n ' s (1975) theme o f The B i g Whee l . I t a l s o s u p p o r t s I s e n h a r t and S i l v e r s m i t h ' s (1994) , and o t h e r s ' ( E i s l e r & B l a l o c k , 1991; P l e c k , 1981; Skord & Schumacher, 1982) c o n t e n t i o n s t h a t t h e r e can be s i g n i f i c a n t n e g a t i v e f a l l o u t f o r men who do not f i t the assumpt ion o f c o n s t a n t c o n f i d e n c e . There i s a c o n n e c t i o n here between t h i s theme and t h a t o f r e p r e s e n t a t i v e n e s s . R e c a l l t h a t t h e r e was a l i n k between not knowing how one f i t s i n and an e t h i c o f c o m p e t i t i o n . The presence o f t h i s s t e r e o t y p e o f complete c o n f i d e n c e means t h a t men may imagine t h a t o t h e r men a c t u a l l y p e r f o r m a t such a l e v e l . And i f c o m p e t i t i o n i s the r u l e , t h e n these men a r e u n l i k e l y t o admit t o o t h e r s t h a t they are not t o t a l l y c o n f i d e n t and competent . 98 F e e l i n g unsure o f the r u l e s . T h i s theme, as s e v e r a l o f the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s n o t e d , has s t r i k i n g s i m i l a r i t i e s t o the theme o f c o n f l i c t i n g e x p e c t a t i o n s . There a r e s e v e r a l d i s t i n c t i o n s . F i r s t , I b e l i e v e t h a t t h e r e i s something f o r men i n need ing t o know what the r u l e s a r e . I would argue t h a t p a r t o f the male f a s c i n a t i o n w i t h s p o r t s i s the s a t i s f a c t i o n o f s e e i n g a c t i v i t i e s c a r r i e d out a c c o r d i n g t o the r u l e s . Second , t h e word ' r u l e s ' was s p e c i f i c a l l y ment ioned by s e v e r a l o f the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s a l t h o u g h no q u e s t i o n about r u l e s was a s k e d . T h i r d , the i s s u e o f c o n f l i c t i n g e x p e c t a t i o n s i s more about an e x p e r i e n c e o f t h i n k i n g and wonder ing about the many s o c i e t a l e x p e c t a t i o n s . The p r e s e n t theme i s more about i n t e r p e r s o n a l i n t e r a c t i o n s and b e i n g unsure how one w i l l be t r e a t e d by o t h e r s . T h i s l a t t e r e lement i s a r e s u l t o f the c o l l a p s i n g o f what were i n i t i a l l y two themes, one c o n c e r n i n g r u l e s , t h e o t h e r c o n c e r n i n g t h i s u n c e r t a i n t y o f how one w i l l be t r e a t e d . An i m p o r t a n t p o i n t from Bob's feedback c o n c e r n s the i s s u e o f a m b i g u i t y under the c o n f l i c t i n g s o c i e t a l e x p e c t a t i o n s and u n c e r t a i n t y about r u l e s . He s t a t e s t h a t he wants "to be c l e a r here as w i t h [ the theme o f c o n f l i c t i n g e x p e c t a t i o n s ] t h a t w h i l e t h e r e i s a g r e a t d e a l o f a m b i g u i t y i n male r o l e s , t h i s i s p r e f e r a b l e t o 99 h a v i n g some m o n o l i t h i c p o r t r a y a l . " F o r Bob, he would r a t h e r the "constant assessment" t h a t he r e f e r s t o t h a n a s i n g l e d e f i n i t i o n o f what the r u l e s o f manhood a r e . F o r Cam and Don and E v a n , no t knowing t h e r u l e s , and hence whether one i s g o i n g t o be ' p e n a l i z e d ' f o r a p a r t i c u l a r a c t i o n o r not i s d i f f i c u l t . E a r l y i n h i s i n t e r v i e w , Cam r e f e r s t o the male e x p e r i e n c e as b e i n g one i n which "you r e a l l y have t o be c a r e f u l . " He goes on t o t a l k about h i s p e r c e p t i o n o f f emin i sm h a v i n g c r e a t e d a wedge between the s exes . When I ask him about h i s e x p e r i e n c e o f b e i n g on the male s i d e o f t h i s wedge he s a y s : You have t o be c a u t i o u s and you f e e l a l i e n a t e d and a h , you f e e l you have t o have t h i s w a l l around you and keep c e r t a i n i n d i v i d u a l s , o r p e o p l e , a t arm's l e n g t h . You c a n ' t b r i n g them i n so y o u ' r e , you know, y o u ' r e m i s s i n g o u t . Don t a l k s o f h i s e x p e r i e n c e t h a t the r u l e s a r e c o n s t a n t l y c h a n g i n g , and h i s c o n f u s i o n about the r i g h t way t o behave . He a l s o t a l k s about o t h e r men t h a t he sees who a r e c o p i n g by b e i n g s e x i s t when i t ' s o n l y men who a r e a r o u n d , but speak i n f e m i n i s t tones when women a r e p r e s e n t . He says t h a t " u n t i l we have some agreement 100 o v e r what ' s a p p r o p r i a t e , um, i t ' s gonna be tough f o r somebody." I t seems c l e a r from h i s i n t e r v i e w t h a t he i s g o i n g t o be one o f the ones f o r whom i t i s g o i n g t o be t o u g h . Evan a l s o t a l k s about o t h e r men who can "play b o t h s i d e s depending on the company t h e y k e e p . " He i s f r u s t r a t e d , and i n d e e d b i t t e r , t h a t he seems t o keep l o s i n g out t o these types o f men when i t comes t o d a t i n g women. He a l s o e x p e r i e n c e s an e x p e c t a t i o n t h a t he i s supposed t o f i g u r e out the r u l e s . T h i s i s not something t h a t , i n t h i s f o r m , i s s u p p o r t e d i n the l i t e r a t u r e , presumably because o f the n a t u r e o f the q u e s t i o n b e i n g asked h e r e . In a s k i n g what the e x p e r i e n c e i s o f b e i n g a man, r a t h e r t h a n how they f e e l about c e r t a i n t r a i t s o r c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s , we a r e a b l e t o see more d e e p l y i n t o t h a t e x p e r i e n c e and the meanings and f e e l i n g s t h a t go a l o n g w i t h i t . The many images o f men. T h i s theme i s the r e s u l t o f t h e c o l l a p s i n g o f two themes, one o f which was s p e c i f i c a l l y about images , and one o f which was o r i g i n a l l y c a l l e d 'my o p i n i o n s h o u l d c o u n t ' . As w i t h t h e p r e v i o u s theme, Bob r e p e a t s a c o n c e r n t h a t the p l e t h o r a o f images , the a m b i g u i t y , not be seen s o l e l y i n a n e g a t i v e l i g h t . F o r him i t p r e s e n t s many 101 p o t e n t i a l s . He expres se s a c o n c e r n i n h i s f eedback t h a t he not be p o r t r a y e d "as i f what I am l o o k i n g f o r i s the one t r u e image o f maleness by which I can measure m y s e l f . " What seems c l e a r from h i s i n t e r v i e w i s t h a t t h e p r e s e n c e o f t h e s e many images l e a v e s him f e e l i n g f ragmented . I t i s a l s o a c o n c e r n t h a t he e x p r e s s e s about h i s s o n . A t the end o f h i s answer t o my q u e s t i o n about what he f e e l s t h a t h i s son needs t o know about growing up male i n t h i s s o c i e t y , he s a y s : so y e a h , I mean, I t h i n k i t ' s [about] t r y i n g t o keep him whole , not l e t him be t o r n a p a r t by t r y i n g t o b a l a n c e a l l the se images and be e v e r y t h i n g a t once . A l notes t h a t t h e r e a r e many images t h a t a r e a v a i l a b l e t o men. He a l s o s a y s , i n response t o my a s k i n g why he wanted t o be i n v o l v e d w i t h the p r o j e c t , t h a t i n r e a d i n g about men and i s s u e s o f m a s c u l i n i t y he t h i n k s " w e l l , nobody e v e r asked me, o r p e o p l e t a k e a p o l l and they never ask me." I i n t e r p r e t e d t h i s as s u g g e s t i n g t h a t he does not see h i m s e l f r e p r e s e n t e d i n such m a t e r i a l s . Evan echoes t h i s e x p e r i e n c e o f f e e l i n g t h a t he i s never asked about how he f e e l s . Both Bob and Cam t a l k about how much r e s e a r c h i s b e i n g done on women, and how l i t t l e on men. Bob says t h a t when he saw 102 t h e p o s t e r f o r the p r e s e n t s tudy he s a i d t o h i m s e l f : "now t h e r e ' s a s tudy t h a t needs t o be done ." Cam says t h a t f o r h im, s e e i n g a l l the r e s e a r c h on women, he ends up f e e l i n g m i s u n d e r s t o o d . Cam a l s o t a l k s a t l e n g t h about the contemporary p o r t r a y a l s o f men on t e l e v i s i o n and r a d i o . He f e e l s t h a t many o f the p o r t r a y a l s a r e o f men as b u f f o o n s . T h i s l e a v e s him f e e l i n g angry and a l i e n a t e d . He a l s o f e e l s w o r r i e d t h a t young peop le w i l l see some t r u t h i n t h e s e p o r t r a y a l s i n the same way t h a t he i s c o n c e r n e d about the p o r t r a y a l s o f women as ' b i m b o e s ' . He imagines t h a t h i s e x p e r i e n c e would be s i m i l a r t o what women would e x p e r i e n c e . He f i n d s the p o r t r a y a l s demeaning. In c o n t e x t o f t h i s theme, A l , Bob, Cam, and Don a l l c o n c l u d e t h a t the most i m p o r t a n t re sponse t o t h e s e many images i s t o l o o k w i t h i n o n e s e l f and pursue the p a t h t h a t seems r i g h t f o r o n e s e l f , r e g a r d l e s s o f o t h e r s ' p e r c e p t i o n s . As w i t h s e v e r a l o f the themes, I b e l i e v e t h a t t h i s theme o f f e r s a keen i n s i g h t i n t o our c u l t u r e . I would a r g u e , and here I am drawing p a r t i a l l y on comments t h a t Bob made, t h a t i t i s t h i s p l e t h o r a o f images , each w i t h i t s c o n c o m i t a n t consumer goods , t h a t c o n s t i t u t e s t h e d r i v i n g f o r c e o f our c a p i t a l i s t c o n s u m e r i s t s o c i e t y . 103 The v a r i e t y o f images tends t o keep us o f f b a l a n c e and unsure o f o u r s e l v e s . S h o u l d we be the r o c k e r w i t h t h e m o t o r c y c l e and the l e a t h e r j a c k e t , o r the y u p p i e w i t h t h e condo and the speed boat? Or perhaps w e ' l l s e t t l e on the e n v i r o n m e n t a l i s t w i t h the B i r k e n s t o c k s and e x p e n s i v e camping g e a r . Whatever we choose w i l l l i k e l y not q u i t e f i t , and we w i l l l i k e l y s t a r t the p r o c e s s a g a i n . Disenchantment may not be good f o r m e n t a l h e a l t h , but i t i s c e r t a i n l y a boon f o r the economy. Of men and f r i e n d s h i p . T h i s theme focuses on m a l e -male r e l a t i o n s h i p s a n d , i n g e n e r a l , on t h e i r e m o t i o n a l c h a r a c t e r . F o r E v a n , the e x p e r i e n c e i s e n t i r e l y p o s i t i v e , i n c l u d i n g the i n t e r m i t t e n t n a t u r e o f some o f the c o n t a c t . In h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p s men l e t bygones be bygones , and do not d w e l l on the p a s t . As w e l l , he t a l k s p o s i t i v e l y about the l a c k o f e m o t i o n a l s h a r i n g . In r e s p o n d i n g t o my q u e s t i o n about f r i e n d s h i p s he s a y s : You d o n ' t d w e l l on something u n n e c e s s a r i l y . ( I : Hm) You know, ' I share y o u r f e e l i n g s , I know how, I u n d e r s t a n d 1 . You know, we know we u n d e r s t a n d each o t h e r , we d o n ' t need t o c o n f i r m t h i s o v e r and o v e r a g a i n . H i s comments here a l s o r e f l e c t a f r u s t r a t i o n w i t h women's ways o f i n t e r a c t i n g . 104 Bob and Don make r e f e r e n c e t o the f a c t t h a t t h e y remark when they have an e m o t i o n a l l y i n t i m a t e i n t e r a c t i o n w i t h another ma le . They d o , however, engage i n such i n t e r a c t i o n s w i t h male f r i e n d s . Cam says t h a t he would not be c o m f o r t a b l e t a l k i n g i n t i m a t e l y w i t h a n o t h e r man "because he has never been b r o u g h t up t h i s way and e i t h e r have y o u . " A t the same t i m e , he i s e n v i o u s o f women who "seem t o have t h i s huge s i s t e r s h i p , t h i s huge group o f f r i e n d s . I have y e t t o meet a man who has t h i s . " L i k e E v a n , Cam i s a l s o s a t i s f i e d w i t h h i s i n t e r m i t t e n t c o n t a c t w i t h f r i e n d s . Indeed , he says t h a t he i s "almost c o n t e n t t o go t h r o u g h l i f e a l o n e . " Don, however, i s n o t . He has the f o l l o w i n g t o s a y : I t ' s j u s t so many peop le t h a t I j u s t f a l l ou t o f c o n t a c t w i t h so I t h i n k ' w e l l t h e n , t h a t must not be a v e r y c l o s e r e l a t i o n s h i p ' and how come o t h e r peop le do keep c o n t a c t w i t h more o f t h e i r f r i e n d s ? So i t s o r t o f makes me f e e l whether i t ' s because i t ' s me o r because I 'm male I d o n ' t know, t h a t I 'm not a b l e t o connec t and r e l a t e you know make a , a f r i e n d s h i p t h a t s u r v i v e s minor i n c o n v e n i e n c e s and t h i n g s l i k e t h a t . 105 An i n t e r e s t i n g comment t h a t b o t h A l and Don make i n t h e i r i n t e r v i e w s i s t h a t each o f them has more women t h a n men as f r i e n d s . A l f i n d s t h i s f r u s t r a t i n g , s a y i n g he has " p l a t o n i c r e l a t i o n s h i p s w i t h women up t o my n e c k , t o o many. I 'm g e t t i n g s i c k and t i r e d o f them." L a t e r he f o l l o w s up on t h i s and s a y s : "I know sometimes i f I spend t o o much t ime w i t h too much o f my female f r i e n d s , I get t i r e d o f them and I r e a l l y seek out male c o m p a n i o n s h i p . " He i s not d e f i n i t e about what t h i s means, he says he " c a n ' t put a f i n g e r on i t " , but t e n t a t i v e l y s a y s : I d o n ' t know. Sometimes when we [men] get t o g e t h e r I j u s t , i t ' s i m m e d i a t e l y I , i n a way, I change . I t h i n k sometimes I d o n ' t know i f I 'm n e c e s s a r i l y more a r r o g a n t but maybe c o c k i e r a n d , urn, I j u s t f i n d i t e a s i e r t o l a u g h a t o t h e r p e o p l e , maybe l a u g h a t t h e i r weaknesses o r j u s t make jokes about t h i n g s i n g e n e r a l . Perhaps A l i s s a y i n g t h a t he f e e l s t h a t t h i n g s a r e l e s s s e r i o u s when he i s w i t h men. Evan echoes t h i s i n t a l k i n g about how men r e l a t e . He s a y s : i t ' s l i k e when a guy b r i n g s up a prob lem you know one o f the o t h e r guys might sugges t a 106 s o l u t i o n and t h e n another guy might t u r n i t i n t o a joke and t h e n you move on t o the next p r o b l e m . These comments suggest t h a t these two men e x p e r i e n c e t h e i r i n t e r a c t i o n s w i t h o t h e r men as more l i g h t - h e a r t e d t h a n those w i t h women. These r e s u l t s t e n d t o s u p p o r t S h e r r o d , Cohen and C l a r k ' s (1985) c o n c l u s i o n t h a t men w i l l t e n d not t o share i n t i m a t e i n f o r m a t i o n w i t h o t h e r men. The i s s u e o f men s h a r i n g more w i t h women i s t a k e n up be low. We a l s o f i n d s u p p o r t f o r the i d e a t h a t men do not seek out i n t i m a c y w i t h o t h e r men, but r a t h e r c o m p a n i o n s h i p , someone t o do t h i n g s w i t h . Evan r e f e r s t o t h i s e x p l i c i t l y , s a y i n g t h a t "some o f t h e , you know, b e s t t a l k i n g you have you know i n a f r i e n d s h i p might go on d u r i n g an a c t i v i t y . " He r e t u r n s t o t h i s t w i c e more, r e f e r r i n g t o men's penchant f o r s t r u c t u r i n g f r i e n d s h i p around a c t i v i t i e s . T h i s a l s o r e f l e c t s M e s s n e r ' s (1987) c o n c l u s i o n , a l b e i t t a n g e n t i a l l y , t h a t what men seek i n s p o r t i n g a c t i v i t i e s i s c o m p a n i o n s h i p . I n t e r e s t i n g l y , Cam, who p l a y e d s e m i - p r o f e s s i o n a l hockey , r e f e r s t o t h i s need as t y p i c a l l y b o y i s h , and t h a t growing out o f t h i s need i s a " r i t e o f passage" f o r men. 107 O n l y Bob t a l k s about the i s s u e o f h o m o s e x u a l i t y e x p l i c i t l y i n c o n t e x t o f f r i e n d s h i p s , a l t h o u g h Don does r e f e r t o the f a c t t h a t men "don' t t o u c h t h a t much." Bob grew up i n a c u l t u r e i n which he b e l i e v e s t h a t he " j u s t c o u l d n ' t have t h a t ( I : Hm) e x p e r i e n c e , and have i t be o k a y . " L a t e r he s a y s : "So, i t i s l i k e the as sumpt ion o f h e t e r o s e x u a l i t y was t h e r e and t h a t men have c e r t a i n k i n d s o f r e l a t i o n s h i p s . And they have them w i t h women." In h i s feedback he speaks o f "the gendered c h a r a c t e r o f s o c i a l r e l a t i o n s / e x p e c t a t i o n s which i n c o r p o r a t e b o t h homophobic e lements and presumpt ions o f h e t e r o s e x u a l i t y . " I t may be t h a t f o r the o t h e r men, such an assumpt ion o f h e t e r o s e x u a l i t y p r e c l u d e s the d i s c u s s i o n o f h o m o s e x u a l i t y i n c o n t e x t o f male f r i e n d s h i p s . Men, women and romance. I have i n c l u d e d the word romance h e r e , r a t h e r t h a n sex , as a r e s u l t o f the feedback from the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s which was q u i t e e x p l i c i t i n s u g g e s t i n g the i n c l u s i o n o f s a i d word . T h i s theme r e s u l t e d from the c o l l a p s i n g o f two themes. On the one hand i s the sense o f a f f i r m a t i o n t h a t t h e y d e r i v e from b e i n g w i t h women, and the c o n c o m i t a n t l a c k o f c o n f i d e n c e when not i n a r e l a t i o n s h i p . On the o t h e r hand i s a sense t h a t s e v e r a l have o f the power t h a t 108 women have i n t h e i r l i v e s as a r e s u l t o f the women b e i n g a b l e t o p r o v i d e forms o f s u p p o r t t h a t t h e men cannot f i n d e l s e w h e r e . T h i s e lement s t r o n g l y echoes F a s t e a u ' s (1975) comments about the Male Machine n e e d i n g the o p p o s i t e sex t o manage those unknown i n n e r c i r c u i t s . In t a l k i n g about male f r i e n d s h i p s , Cam r e f e r s t o women as a c t i n g as c o n f i d a n t s i n h i s l i f e . As no ted above he does not f e e l t h a t he can have an i n t i m a t e c o n v e r s a t i o n w i t h a man. He then s a y s : "But I c e r t a i n l y can w i t h women. T h a t ' s v e r y i m p o r t a n t , a v e r y p o w e r f u l t h i n g women have , v e r y p o w e r f u l . " Evan s a y s : "any woman can have me wrapped around her f i n g e r i f she wants ." He a l s o t a l k s o f need ing a woman t o r e i n f o r c e h i s sense o f s e l f - c o n f i d e n c e as a man. These comments s u p p o r t the f i n d i n g s o f S h e r r o d ' s (1987) r e v i e w t h a t men t e n d t o share more i n t i m a t e l y w i t h women t h a n t h e y do w i t h men. I t i s the e lement o f power t h a t r e a l l y bears l o o k i n g a t h e r e . What b o t h Cam and Evan seem t o be s a y i n g i s t h a t they are aware o f a t y p e o f dependence t h a t t h e y e x p e r i e n c e w i t h women. They need women. The m a j o r i t y o f the r e s e a r c h rev iewed i n the L i t e r a t u r e Review sugges t s t h a t f e e l i n g a sense o f dependence i s a n t i t h e t i c a l t o the s o c i a l c o n s t r u c t i o n o f m a s c u l i n i t y . 109 What t h e s e men a r e s a y i n g i s t h a t t h i s sense o f dependence i s v e r y r e a l . F o r Evan t h i s l e a v e s him b i t t e r . He i s angry about the s u g g e s t i o n t h a t he hears i n t h i s c u l t u r e t h a t men a r e i n c o n t r o l . A t an i n t e r p e r s o n a l l e v e l , h i s e x p e r i e n c e i s t h a t women can e a s i l y c o n t r o l him and t h a t he needs them. F o r A l , the power women have i s i n h i s f e e l i n g l i k e a good l o v e r . He i s e x p l i c i t about h i s f e e l i n g more c o n f i d e n t when he f e e l s t h a t he has been a good l o v e r . F o r Don, h i s l a c k o f r o m a n t i c r e l a t i o n s h i p s l e a v e s him w i t h a l a c k o f c o n f i d e n c e . T h i s theme, w i t h i t s focus on the i m p or tan ce o f women i n these men's l i v e s , connec t s w i t h the themes o f economic r e s p o n s i b i l i t y , c o n f l i c t i n g e x p e c t a t i o n s , and man as p r o t e c t o r . Throughout these i n t e r v i e w s , I am s t r u c k , a l t h o u g h not s u r p r i s e d , by the i m p or tan ce and sometimes power t h a t these men a s c r i b e t o women. And a l t h o u g h I would not c o n c l u d e t h a t the c r i t i q u e s o f p a t r i a r c h y and i t s power are t h e r e f o r e f a l s e , I f e e l t h a t t h e s e r e s u l t s p o i n t t o a need t o acknowledge t h a t women do have a form o f power i n r e l a t i o n s h i p t o men. I t may not be a power t h a t they asked f o r , o r even want , but i t seems c l e a r t h a t i t i s t h e r e , and t h a t t h e s e men r e c o g n i s e i t . 110 T h i s s u g g e s t i o n o f women's power i s a l s o something t h a t I hear from male c l i e n t s i n my t h e r a p y p r a c t i c e . In t h a t c o n t e x t i t always seems a v e r y d e l i c a t e i s s u e g i v e n t h a t the s o r t o f power t h a t these male c l i e n t s h o l d o v e r the women i n t h e i r l i v e s i s u s u a l l y the power t o do v i o l e n c e . A t the same t ime I wonder i f acknowledg ing the men's e x p e r i e n c e o f women's power, and t h e n e n c o u r a g i n g them t o s t o p g i v i n g t h a t power away, might reduce t h e i r use o f power a g a i n s t women. I f a man f e e l s b o t h t h a t he must be c o n f i d e n t and competent a t a l l t i m e s , and t h a t t h e r e a r e areas i n which he i s not competent where women a r e , i t makes sense t h a t he would be r e s e n t f u l , even a n g r y , a t t h e s e women. C e r t a i n l y t h i s i s not a n y t h i n g l i k e the whole s t o r y , but t o address these i s s u e s i n s o c i e t y might go some o f t h e way t o making women's l i v e s s a f e r , and k e e p i n g more men out o f j a i l . P o s i t i v e changes . T h i s theme was s u p p o r t e d by A l , Bob and Cam o n l y . I t i s i n c l u d e d because I f e l t t h a t i t was i m p o r t a n t t o acknowledge t h a t t h e r e i s a s p e c i f i c and contemporary v o i c e o f hope t h a t sounds t h r o u g h the e x p e r i e n c e s d i s c u s s e d h e r e . A l e n j o y s the e x p e r i e n c e o f the r o l e s b e i n g l e s s r i g i d , l e a v i n g him w i t h more o p t i o n s . T h i s t a k e s us I l l back t o h i s e x p e r i e n c e o f c o n f l i c t i n g e x p e c t a t i o n s as open ing up the p o s s i b i l i t y o f him f i n d i n g a woman w i t h whom he w i l l f i t . He i s a l s o e x c i t e d because he t h i n k s " i t can p r o v i d e more f l e x i b i l i t y ( I : uh-huh) b e t t e r chances f o r p e r s o n a l growth ." Bob t a l k s about the o p p o r t u n i t i e s t h a t he has w i t h h i s c h i l d . He s a y s : You know, one o f the t h i n g s t h a t has been k i n d o f neat about b e i n g a Dad i s t h a t t h e r e i s a l l the se t h i n g s t h a t a r e n ' t supposed t o be i d e n t i f y i n g w i t h b e i n g a man, t h a t t h e y ' r e r e a l l y f u n . You know, I mean t h e r e ' s . B a t h i n g a c h i l d i s r e a l l y g r e a t . You know i t ' s j u s t a fun t i m e . F e e d i n g a c h i l d and w a t c h i n g a l l the s t u f f t h a t happens t h e r e . Cam makes r e f e r e n c e t o the open ing up o f o p p o r t u n i t i e s t o be c u d d l y , "touchy f e e l y " w i t h a c h i l d . He t a l k s o f the removal o f r e s t r i c t i o n s around employment as a p o s i t i v e r e s u l t o f the f e m i n i s t movement. He a l s o a p p r e c i a t e s the o p p o r t u n i t y t o be more e m o t i o n a l l y e x p r e s s i v e a l t h o u g h , as no ted above , he i s not as y e t e n t i r e l y c o m f o r t a b l e w i t h t h a t s o r t o f b e h a v i o u r w i t h o t h e r men. 112 Male o r human t r a i t ? T h i s theme d i d not f i t f o r Bob o r E v a n . I have i n c l u d e d i t because I f e e l t h a t i t p o i n t s t o one o f the i s s u e s t h a t u n d e r l i e s r e s e a r c h i n t o gender and gendered e x p e r i e n c e . T h a t i s , where i s t h e l i n e , i f i n d e e d t h e r e i s one , between male e x p e r i e n c e and human e x p e r i e n c e ? I t a l s o c o n n e c t s t o the theme o f f e e l i n g r e p r e s e n t a t i v e and the i s s u e s t h a t a r o s e t h e r e . A l , Cam and Don a l l t a l k , a t d i f f e r e n t p o i n t s , o f b e i n g u n c l e a r how much o f t h e i r e x p e r i e n c e i s maleness and how much i s j u s t about b e i n g a p e r s o n . Don c o n c l u d e s t h a t h i s e x p e r i e n c e i s more about the f a m i l y he grew up i n t h a n h i s b e i n g a man. A l t a l k s about m a s c u l i n i t y i n c o n t e x t o f the n a t u r e / n u r t u r e d e b a t e . H i s undergraduate t r a i n i n g i s i n b i o l o g y and so he wonders "whether w i t h t r a i t s , how much, what i s . . . l e a r n e d o r n o t . " H i s l a c k o f c l a r i t y around what might be i n n a t e male t r a i t s l e a d s him t o be c o n f u s e d about h i s own m a s c u l i n i t y and he ends up w i s h i n g t h a t gender was not an i s s u e . T h i s tends t o s u p p o r t the n o t i o n t h a t men a r e i n d e e d c o n f u s e d about what i t means t o be m a l e . The i s s u e i s t i e d up w i t h b i o l o g y , w i t h f a m i l y , and w i t h i s s u e s o f the men as p e r s o n s . A l t h o u g h he does not 113 s u p p o r t the theme i t s e l f , i n summing up o u r i n t e r v i e w Bob makes an i n t e r e s t i n g s ta t ement . He s a y s : I mean, we came t o t a l k today about what i t i s t o be a man, what i t i s t o be a male , what i t i s , m a s c u l i n i t y , a l l t h a t s t u f f . And i t would be h a r d f o r me t o e v e r g i v e you complete answers t o those q u e s t i o n s w i t h o u t t e l l i n g you e v e r y moment and e v e r y t h i n g I remember, and my e n t i r e a u t o b i o g r a p h y p l a y s i n t o t h a t . P a r t o f what makes the i s s u e s o f m a s c u l i n i t y d i f f i c u l t t o t e a s e out i s t h a t they are so entwined w i t h who one i s as a p e r s o n . B e i n g p e r c e i v e d as one o f the v i c t i m i z e r s . N o t h i n g i n A l ' s i n t e r v i e w s u p p o r t e d t h i s theme, thus i t i s one o f t h e minor themes. I t i s u n f o r t u n a t e t h a t I was u n a b l e t o r e a c h him f o r f o l l o w up as the s u p p o r t f o r t h i s theme i s e x t r e m e l y s t r o n g i n the o t h e r i n t e r v i e w s . T h i s o t h e r w i s e might have been q u a l i f i e d as a major theme. T h i s theme i s r e l a t e d t o some e x t e n t t o the theme o f b e i n g unsure o f the r u l e s . As w e l l , a l l f o u r o f t h e men who s u p p o r t e d t h i s theme t a l k e d about e n c o u n t e r i n g images o f wh i t e men as the q u i n t e s s e n t i a l v i c t i m i z e r . 114 Bob t e l l s a s t o r y o f e n c o u n t e r i n g a l i t t l e g i r l i n the l i b r a r y where he i s s i t t i n g w i t h h i s s o n : A l i t t l e g i r l walked up t o me, she s t a r t e d t a l k i n g t o me about her book and I thought ' w e l l , t h i s i s c o o l b e h a v i o u r , so I ' l l s u p p o r t t h i s ' and I s t a r t e d t a l k i n g t o her b a c k . And her mother q u i t e o b v i o u s l y u n c o m f o r t a b l e w i t h t h i s came t o r e t r i e v e the g i r l and had a l i t t l e t a l k i n g t o ( I : uh-huh) w i t h her which was j u s t out o f e a r s h o t . But I heard the word s t r a n g e r t w i c e ( I : uh-huh) and j u s t the n o t i o n t h a t , u h , t o be a man i n t h a t s i t u a t i o n , I t h i n k . . . e x a c e r b a t e s the p o t e n t i a l t h r e a t t h a t you pose t o c h i l d r e n and um ( I : hm) women. And the i d e a t h a t a l l men a r e p o t e n t i a l r a p i s t s and p o t e n t i a l c h i l d m o l e s t e r s and a l l men are p o t e n t i a l v i c t i m i z e r s i n one way o r a n o t h e r . B o b ' s f e e l i n g s about t h i s , when I ask h i m , a r e o f resentment and "awkwardness about the meanings t h a t s o c i e t y has p l a c e d on t h a t ( I : u h - h u h ) , on b e i n g a man. " Cam's r e a c t i o n t o t h i s i d e a o f a l l men b e i n g p o t e n t i a l a g g r e s s o r s i s t o f e e l a l i e n a t e d , 115 m i s u n d e r s t o o d and o f f e n d e d . As noted i n the R e s u l t s , none o f h i s f r i e n d s a r e t h a t way. F o r him t h i s pushes him away from o t h e r s and l e a v e s him f e e l i n g guarded i n h i s i n t e r a c t i o n s w i t h o t h e r s . Don acknowledges t h a t men a r e more a g g r e s s i v e t h a n women, and f e e l s b o t h sad and a l i t t l e b i t g u i l t y about men's g r e a t e r v i o l e n c e . He t h e n s a y s : "but i t ' s . . . n o t l i k e by b e i n g male I 'm d i r e c t l y c o n t r i b u t i n g t o t h i s t h i n g . " He a l s o f e e l s t h a t he i s seen as more t h r e a t e n i n g t h a n a woman would be i n any g i v e n s i t u a t i o n . T h u s , i t i s incumbent on him t o change h i s b e h a v i o u r , modulate h i s v o i c e , and so o n , i n o r d e r t o reduce the l i k e l i h o o d o f o t h e r s p e r c e i v i n g him as an a g g r e s s o r . He says t h a t h e ' s "so obsessed w i t h , w i t h not s e n d i n g out wrong s i g n a l s , urn, t h a t I end up g e t t i n g wound up i n s i d e . " T h i s echoes Cam's e x p e r i e n c e o f f e e l i n g g u a r d e d . Evan f e e l s f a l s e l y accused and blamed by the image o f man as v i c t i m i z e r . In r e s p o n d i n g t o my q u e s t i o n about what he w i l l want t o t e l l h i s son about growing up male he s a y s : I ' d want him t o know t h a t urn, t h a t you know, b e i n g male i s n ' t some k i n d o f d i s e a s e l i k e you always h e a r . T h a t , u h , i t ' s something you 116 know t h a t b e i n g male i s something p e r f e c t l y normal no m a t t e r what the uh the mass c u l t u r e ' s t e l l i n g u s . Evan l a t e r r e f e r s t o h i s h e t e r o s e x u a l i t y as something t h a t he f e e l s he must c o v e r up , because i t i s somehow d i s g u s t i n g . C l e a r l y these men e x p e r i e n c e g r e a t p a i n as a r e s u l t o f t h i s image o f man as v i c t i m i z e r . I t i s i n s t r u c t i v e t o p l a c e t h i s theme i n c o n t e x t o f the theme o f men as p r o t e c t o r s . In t h a t case the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s spoke o f t h e i r d e s i r e t o use power r e s p o n s i b l y , t o l e s s e n the f e a r s o f women, and t o p r o t e c t t h e i r l o v e d ones from harm, even a t the r i s k o f t h e i r own s a f e t y . The c o n f l i c t between the v i c t i m i z e r image and the men's own e f f o r t s t o be p r o t e c t o r s i s o b v i o u s . Indeed , Evan t a l k s about w a n t i n g , a t t i m e s , t o g i v e up t r y i n g t o do the r i g h t t h i n g , g i v e n how s t r o n g he f e e l s i s t h i s image t h a t men have a ' d i s e a s e ' . I t i s i n t e r e s t i n g t o note the degree t o which the l i t e r a t u r e as rev iewed i n the L i t e r a t u r e Review r e f l e c t s the i d e a o f man as a g g r e s s o r , i f not s p e c i f i c a l l y man as v i c t i m i z e r (Brannon, 1976; E i s l e r & B l a l o c k , 1991; F a s t e a u , 1975; O ' N e i l , 1982) . T h u s , t h i s 117 image a r i s e s from m u l t i p l e o r i g i n s , i n c l u d i n g much o f the p o l e m i c a l work i n men's s t u d i e s . An e x c e p t i o n i s Ian H a r r i s ' s (1994) r e c e n t a r t i c l e "Men as S t a n d a r d B e a r e r s " . Here he c r i t i q u e s the g e n e r a l focus on the n e g a t i v e i n men's s t u d i e s and p r e s e n t s h i s own r e s u l t s t h a t i n d i c a t e s u p p o r t f o r such c o n c e p t i o n s o f manhood as b r a v e r y , c o u r a g e , g e n t l e n e s s and s u p p o r t f o r o t h e r s . I agree w i t h H a r r i s ' s c r i t i q u e . I f e e l t h a t the presence o f t h i s s t r o n g l y n e g a t i v e image o f man as v i c t i m i z e r i n d i c a t e s a need f o r images t h a t p r e s e n t o p t i o n s t o young men growing u p , and t h a t a l l o w p e o p l e ' s i m a g i n a t i o n t o i n c o r p o r a t e more p o s i t i v e images o f men. I m p l i c a t i o n s f o r C o u n s e l l i n g When I began t h i s s t u d y , I was t a l k i n g w i t h one o f my female c o l l e a g u e s a t the a d d i c t i o n s c e n t r e where I work as a t h e r a p i s t . W h i l e I was t e l l i n g h e r about the i d e a b e h i n d t h i s s tudy she i n t e r r u p t e d me and s a i d something l i k e : "I have never thought about men's i s s u e s . I always assumed t h a t the boys were the boys and t h e y were d o i n g j u s t f i n e . " I t s h o u l d be no ted t h a t t h i s woman i s a h i g h l y s k i l l e d and v e r y s e n s i t i v e t h e r a p i s t . 118 What t h i s t e l l s me i s that we do need to be aware as therapists that, when a man i s i n our o f f i c e , he i s a gendered i n d i v i d u a l , with needs and fears and concerns that r e s u l t from his being male. We must avoid the assumptions of t r a d i t i o n a l s o c i o l o g i c a l research wherein men were seen as the norm. Otherwise, we w i l l f a i l to see them as impacted by t h e i r gender. And just as I would encourage a l l therapists, and s p e c i f i c a l l y men, to learn about women's issues and the p a r t i c u l a r constraints that women encounter i n t h e i r l i v e s , I would encourage a l l therapists, and s p e c i f i c a l l y women, to f a m i l i a r i z e themselves with the constraints that men face i n t h e i r l i v e s . I t i s important for us to be aware that men experience expectations i n t h i s c u l t u r e . I t i s important for us to be aware that there e x i s t stereotypes of white heterosexual men i n t h i s culture, and that these stereotypes are tremendously ins i d i o u s because they seem l i k e such givens. And they seem that way because for so long such men have been accepted as given, as the norm. This i s e s p e c i a l l y true when dealing with the issue of alcoholism (Burda, Tushup & Hackman, 1992; Isenhart & Silversmith, 1994; Lemle & Mishkind, 1989; R i t t e r & Cole, 1992). From my experience i n the f i e l d 119 and i n the c o m p l e t i o n o f t h i s s t u d y , I b e l i e v e t h a t i t i s i m p o r t a n t t o acknowledge the d i f f i c u l t y t h a t men may have i n a d m i t t i n g t h a t they have not been w h o l l y competent i n the f a c e o f a l c o h o l . I a l s o b e l i e v e t h a t we need t o l o o k more c l o s e l y a t the r o l e t h a t a l c o h o l has p l a y e d i n t h e i r l i f e as men. F o r many men, a l c o h o l a l l o w s them t o i n t e r a c t w i t h o t h e r men a t a l e v e l o f i n t i m a c y t h a t i s not a v a i l a b l e t o them when they a r e s o b e r . F o r many men a l c o h o l a i d s them i n e s c a p i n g the r e a l i t y t h a t they have not a c h i e v e d , o r won b i g , as t h e y were supposed t o . B e i n g aware o f these e lements o f the male e x p e r i e n c e a l l o w s us as t h e r a p i s t s t o be s e n s i t i v e t o t h e p o s s i b i l i t y o f such u n d e r l y i n g e x p e r i e n c e . I t encourages us t o keep our ears open f o r e lements o f the s p e c i f i c gendered e x p e r i e n c e s o f men. In terms o f the p r a c t i c e o f t h e r a p y i t s e l f , t h e r e a r e two s p e c i f i c i m p l i c a t i o n s o f the r e s u l t s o f t h i s r e s e a r c h . F i r s t , w h i l e Cam spoke about not b e i n g a b l e t o speak t o a b e s t buddy about i n t i m a t e t o p i c s , he s a i d t h a t he found me q u i t e easy t o t a l k t o . As w e l l , A l and Cam and Don a l l spoke o f the i n t e r v i e w e x p e r i e n c e as f e e l i n g t h e r a p e u t i c and h e l p f u l . T h i s seems t o i n d i c a t e t h a t i f we as t h e r a p i s t s use our b a s i c t h e r a p e u t i c 120 s k i l l s w e l l , t h a t men do have the c a p a c i t y t o open u p . Perhaps the f i n d i n g t h a t "men are g e n e r a l l y h e s i t a n t t o seek c o u n s e l l i n g " (Robert son & F i t z g e r a l d , 1992, p .240) has as much t o do w i t h men's p e r c e p t i o n o f what t h e r a p y i s as i t does about the r e a l i t y o f the t h e r a p e u t i c e x p e r i e n c e . R o b e r t s o n and F i t z g e r a l d (1992) found t h a t f r a m i n g the t h e r a p e u t i c e x p e r i e n c e more i n terms o f t a s k s , g o a l s , workshops and c o u r s e s , l e d t o more men showing a w i l l i n g n e s s t o i n v o l v e themse lves i n t h e e x p e r i e n c e . Second , t h i s s e t o f themes c o u l d p r o v i d e men's groups w i t h a s t a r t i n g p o i n t f o r d i s c u s s i o n . In t h e i r a r t i c l e on men s e e k i n g c o u n s e l l i n g , R o b e r t s o n and F i t z g e r a l d (1992) suggest t h a t a l t e r n a t i v e forms o f t h e r a p y need t o be deve loped t o a p p e a l t o men who a r e more d e e p l y i n f l u e n c e d by O ' N e i l ' s (1982) M a s c u l i n e M y s t i q u e . I b e l i e v e t h a t the themes t h a t r e s u l t e d from t h i s r e s e a r c h c o u l d p r o v i d e a framework f o r e x p l o r i n g the meaning and e x p e r i e n c e o f manhood as an a l t e r n a t i v e t o t r a d i t i o n a l forms o f t h e r a p y . I m p l i c a t i o n s f o r F u t u r e R e s e a r c h In terms o f recommendations f o r f u t u r e r e s e a r c h , f i r s t and foremost I b e l i e v e t h a t i t i s o f c o n s i d e r a b l e 121 impor tance t h a t more q u a l i t a t i v e work be u n d e r t a k e n i n the e x p l o r a t i o n o f men and m a s c u l i n i t y . Good, B o r s t and W a l l a c e (1994) , i n t h e i r r e v i e w o f m a s c u l i n i t y r e s e a r c h , make a s i m i l a r recommendat ion. A t t h i s p o i n t i n t i m e , men's s t u d i e s i s an a r e a t h a t i s j u s t b e g i n n i n g t o be e x p l o r e d . As s u c h , any a r e a t h a t a p p e a l s t o a r e s e a r c h e r i s f a i r game. A r e a s t h a t t h e p r e s e n t p r o j e c t p o i n t s t o as worthy o f i n v e s t i g a t i o n i n c l u d e : men's e x p e r i e n c e o f women's power i n t h e i r l i v e s and the e f f e c t t h a t t h i s has on t h e i r a t t i t u d e s towards women; men's b e l i e f s about how w e l l they ' f i t i n ' as men and the impact t h i s has on a t t i t u d e s towards t h e m s e l v e s , i n c l u d i n g such i s s u e s as t h e i r s e l f - e s t e e m ; the r e l a t i o n s h i p between men's e x p e r i e n c e o f c o n f l i c t i n g e x p e c t a t i o n s and c h a n g i n g s o c i a l r u l e s , and t h e i r b e h a v i o u r i n the w o r l d ; men's b e l i e f s about the p o s i t i v e a s p e c t s o f s o c i a l c o n s t r u c t i o n s o f m a s c u l i n i t y ; the impact o f images o f men i n the p o p u l a r media on i n d i v i d u a l men's b e l i e f s about t h e m s e l v e s . F i n a l l y , I b e l i e v e t h a t work needs t o be done w i t h more and v a r i e d p o p u l a t i o n s o f men i n t h i s c o u n t r y and i n o t h e r s . A good example o f what I am t h i n k i n g o f i s the work the a n t h r o p o l o g i s t D a v i d G i l m o r e ( G i l m o r e , 122 1990) . Comparisons between and w i t h i n c u l t u r e s can o n l y s e r v e t o deepen our a p p r e c i a t i o n o f b o t h s i m i l a r i t i e s and d i f f e r e n c e s . C o n c l u s i o n In the i n t r o d u c t i o n I spoke o f the f a c t t h a t t h i s r e s e a r c h h e l d b o t h a p e r s o n a l and a p r o f e s s i o n a l i n t e r e s t f o r me. I would l i k e t o c o n c l u d e by t a l k i n g b r i e f l y about the impact t h a t d o i n g t h i s r e s e a r c h has had on me b o t h as a man and as a t h e r a p i s t . As a man, I r e a l i s e t h a t I , l i k e my c o -r e s e a r c h e r s , used t o wonder about how r e p r e s e n t a t i v e I was. H a v i n g found t h a t t h i s i s a common e x p e r i e n c e , I have ceased t o wonder. I f e e l more a t peace w i t h m y s e l f as a man. I f e e l l i k e I b e l o n g here i n my man's s k i n . I a l s o f e e l more s t r o n g l y than I d i d i n the p a s t t h a t the p a t r i a r c h a l s t r u c t u r e s t h a t e x i s t i n our s o c i e t y h u r t b o t h women and men. I f e e l v e r y s t r o n g l y t h a t w o r k i n g towards d i s m a n t l i n g those s t r u c t u r e s w i l l g e n u i n e l y b e n e f i t men, as w e l l as women. I am reminded o f the c a s t r a t i o f 18th C e n t u r y European o p e r a . Women were p r e v e n t e d from s i n g i n g i n these o p e r a s , thus b e i n g kept out o f the l i m e l i g h t and d e n i e d a chance t o p e r f o r m . But the c o s t t o the c a s t r a t i was t h e i r 123 t e s t i c l e s and t h e i r chance t o be f a t h e r s and l o v e r s . The system p u n i s h e d b o t h women and men, as i t does t o d a y . F i n a l l y , I am aware o f h a v i n g a "sof t spot" f o r men, where once I f e l t a good d e a l o f e i t h e r contempt o r f e a r , o r b o t h . I p e r c e i v e o t h e r men l e s s as c o m p e t i t o r s now and more as human b e i n g s . I t i s t h i s f i n a l p o i n t t h a t i s most germane t o my work as a t h e r a p i s t . Now when a man e n t e r s my o f f i c e who has been p h y s i c a l l y a b u s i v e towards h i s p a r t n e r o r who has committed o t h e r c r i m i n a l a c t s , I wonder about whether he f e e l s l i k e he i s f a c e d w i t h c o n f l i c t i n g e x p e c t a t i o n s . I t a k e s e r i o u s l y h i s p a i n a t not w o r k i n g , h i s d e s i r e t o be the p r o v i d e r . I am a b l e t o see him as someone who has a l s o s u f f e r e d . Because o f t h i s I am a b l e t o be t r u s t i n g w i t h h i m , and so my work has i m p r o v e d . T h a t i s an unexpected outcome o f t h i s r e s e a r c h t h a t I t r u l y c h e r i s h . I a l s o f e e l more s t r o n g l y t h a n I d i d i n the p a s t t h a t the p a t r i a r c h a l s t r u c t u r e s t h a t e x i s t i n our s o c i e t y h u r t b o t h women and men. I f e e l v e r y s t r o n g l y t h a t w o r k i n g towards d i s m a n t l i n g those s t r u c t u r e s w i l l g e n u i n e l y b e n e f i t men, as w e l l as women. I am reminded o f the c a s t r a t i o f 18th C e n t u r y European o p e r a . Women 124 were p r e v e n t e d from s i n g i n g i n these o p e r a s , thus b e i n g kept out o f t h e l i m e l i g h t and d e n i e d a chance t o p e r f o r m . But the c o s t t o the c a s t r a t i was t h e i r t e s t i c l e s and t h e i r chance t o be f a t h e r s and l o v e r s . The system p u n i s h e d b o t h women and men, as i t does t o d a y . F i n a l l y , I am aware o f h a v i n g a "sof t spot" f o r men, where once I f e l t a good d e a l o f e i t h e r contempt o r f e a r , o r b o t h . I p e r c e i v e o t h e r men l e s s as c o m p e t i t o r s now and more as human b e i n g s . I t i s t h i s f i n a l p o i n t t h a t i s most germane t o my work as a t h e r a p i s t . Now when a man e n t e r s my o f f i c e who has been p h y s i c a l l y a b u s i v e towards h i s p a r t n e r o r who has committed o t h e r c r i m i n a l a c t s , I wonder about whether he f e e l s l i k e he i s f a c e d w i t h c o n f l i c t i n g e x p e c t a t i o n s . I t a k e s e r i o u s l y h i s p a i n a t not w o r k i n g , h i s d e s i r e t o be the p r o v i d e r . I am a b l e t o see him as someone who has a l s o s u f f e r e d . Because o f t h i s I am a b l e t o be t r u s t i n g w i t h h im, and so my work has i m p r o v e d . T h a t i s an unexpected outcome o f t h i s r e s e a r c h t h a t I t r u l y c h e r i s h . 125 R e f e r e n c e s Bern, S . L . ( 1 9 7 4 ) . T h e m e a s u r e m e n t o f p s y c h o l o g i c a l a n d r o g y n y . J o u r n a l o f C o n s u l t i n g a n d C l i n i c a l P s y c h o l o g y . 4 2 . 1 5 5 - 1 6 2 . B r a n n o n , R . ( 1 9 7 6 ) . T h e m a l e s e x r o l e : O u r c u l t u r e ' s b l u e p r i n t f o r m a n h o o d , w h a t i t ' s d o n e f o r u s l a t e l y . I n D . S . D a v i d & R . B r a n n o n , ( E d s . ) , T h e f o r t v - n i n e p e r c e n t m a j o r i t y : T h e m a l e s e x r o l e , ( p . 1 - 4 8 ) . R e a d i n g , M A : A d d i s o n - W e s l e y . B r o d , H . ( 1 9 8 7 ) . I n t r o d u c t i o n : Themes a n d t h e s e s o f m e n ' s s t u d i e s . I n H . B r o d ( E d . ) , T h e m a k i n g o f m a s c u l i n i t i e s : T h e new m e n ' s s t u d i e s . ( p . 1 - 1 7 ) . B o s t o n : A l l e n & U n w i n . B u r d a , P . C . , T u s h u p , R . J . , & H a c k m a n , P . S . ( 1 9 9 2 ) . M a s c u l i n i t y a n d s o c i a l s u p p o r t i n a l c o h o l i c m e n . T h e J o u r n a l o f M e n ' s S t u d i e s , 2 , 1 8 7 - 1 9 3 . C a r r i g a n , T . , C o n n e l l , B . , & L e e , J . ( 1 9 8 7 ) . T o w a r d a new s o c i o l o g y o f m a s c u l i n i t y . I n H . B r o d ( E d . ) , T h e m a k i n g o f m a s c u l i n i t i e s : T h e new m e n ' s s t u d i e s . ( p . 6 3 - 1 0 0 ) . B o s t o n : A l l e n & U n w i n . C h o d o r o w , N . ( 1 9 7 8 ) . T h e r e p r o d u c t i o n o f m o t h e r i n g : P s y c h o a n a l y s i s a n d t h e s o c i o l o g y o f g e n d e r . 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What do women want from men?: Men's influence on women's work and family choices. American Behavioral S c i e n t i s t , 29, 619-634. Garnets, L., & Pleck, J.H. (1979). Sex ro l e i d e n t i t y , androgyny, and sex ro l e transcendence: A sex r o l e 127 s t r a i n a n a l y s i s . P s y c h o l o g y o f Women Q u a r t e r l y . 3., 2 7 0 - 2 8 3 . G i l l i g a n , C . ( 1 9 8 2 ) . I n a d i f f e r e n t v o i c e : P s y c h o l o g i c a l t h e o r y a n d w o m e n ' s d e v e l o p m e n t . C a m b r i d g e , M A : H a r v a r d U n i v e r s i t y P r e s s . G i l m o r e , D . D . ( 1 9 9 0 ) . M a n h o o d i n t h e m a k i n g . New H a v e n : Y a l e U n i v e r s i t y . G o o d , G . E . , B o r s t , T . S . , a n d W a l l a c e , D . L . ( 1 9 9 4 ) . M a s c u l i n i t y r e s e a r c h : A r e v i e w a n d c r i t i q u e . A p p l i e d a n d P r e v e n t i v e P s y c h o l o g y , 3., 3 - 1 4 . H a r e - M u s t i n , R . T . , & M a r a c e k , J . ( 1 9 8 8 ) . T h e m e a n i n g o f d i f f e r e n c e : G e n d e r t h e o r y , p o s t m o d e r n i s m a n d p s y c h o l o g y . A m e r i c a n P s y c h o l o g i s t . 4 3 , 4 5 5 - 4 6 4 . H a r r i s , I . M . ( 1 9 9 4 ) . Men a s s t a n d a r d b e a r e r s . T h e J o u r n a l o f M e n ' s S t u d i e s , 3., 1 0 3 - 1 2 5 . H e r e k , G . M . ( 1 9 8 6 ) . On h e t e r o s e x u a l m a s c u l i n i t y : Some p s y c h o l o g i c a l c o n s e q u e n c e s o f t h e s o c i a l c o n s t r u c t i o n o f g e n d e r a n d s e x u a l i t y . A m e r i c a n B e h a v i o r a l S c i e n t i s t , 29. , 5 6 3 - 5 7 7 . H u n t e r , A . G . , & D a v i s , J . E . ( 1 9 9 2 ) . C o n s t r u c t i n g g e n d e r : A n e x p l o r a t i o n o f A f r o - A m e r i c a n m e n ' s c o n c e p t u a l i z a t i o n o f m a n h o o d . G e n d e r & S o c i e t y , 6., 4 6 4 - 4 7 9 . 128 I s e n h a r t , C . E . , & S i l v e r s m i t h , D . J . (1994). The i n f l u e n c e o f the t r a d i t i o n a l male r o l e on a l c o h o l abuse and the t h e r a p e u t i c p r o c e s s . The J o u r n a l o f Men's S t u d i e s . 3, 127-135. Kaufman, M . (1987). The c o n s t r u c t i o n o f m a s c u l i n i t y and the t r i a d o f men's v i o l e n c e . In M . Kaufman ( E d . ) , Bevond p a t r i a r c h y : Essays by men on p l e a s u r e . power, and change , (pp. 1-29). T o r o n t o : O x f o r d U n i v e r s i t y P r e s s . Kaufman, M . (1993). C r a c k i n g t h e armour: Power, p a i n and the l i v e s o f men. T o r o n t o : V i k i n g . Keen , S . (1991). F i r e i n the b e l l y : On b e i n g a man. New Y o r k : Bantam Books . Kimmel , M . S . (1986). I n t r o d u c t i o n : Towards men's s t u d i e s . Amer ican B e h a v i o r a l S c i e n t i s t . 29., 517-529. Kimmel , M . S . (1987). The contemporary " c r i s i s " o f m a s c u l i n i t y i n h i s t o r i c a l p e r s p e c t i v e . In H . B r o d ( E d . ) , The making o f m a s c u l i n i t i e s : The new men's s t u d i e s . (p . 121-153). B o s t o n : A l l e n & Unwin. L e m l e , R . , & M i s h k i n d , M . E . (1989). A l c o h o l and m a s c u l i n i t y . J o u r n a l o f Substance Abuse T r e a t m e n t . 6, 213-222. 129 Levant, R.F. (1992a). The society for the psychological study of men and masculinity. The Journal of Men's Studies. 1, 75-76. Levant, R.F. (1992b). Toward the reconstruction of masculinity. Journal of Family Psychology, 5., 379-402. Marshall C, & Rossman, G. (1989) Designing q u a l i t a t i v e research. Newbury Park, CA: Sage Publications. Messner, M. (1987). The meaning of success: The a t h l e t i c experience and the development of male i d e n t i t y . In H. Brod (Ed.), The making of mascu l i n i t i e s : The new men's studies. (p. 193-209). Boston: A l l e n & Unwin. Mischler, E.G. (1986). Research interviewing: Context and narrative. London: Harvard University Press. Mishkind, M.E., Rodin, J ., S i l b e r s t e i n , L.R., & Striegel-Moore, R.H. (1986). The embodiment of masculinity: C u l t u r a l , psychological, and behavioral dimensions. American Behavioral S c i e n t i s t , 29, 545-562. Moore, D., & N u t t a l l , J.R. (1981). Perceptions of the male sex r o l e . Personality and Soc i a l Psychology B u l l e t i n , 7, 320-325. 130 M o r g a n , D . ( 1 9 8 1 ) . M e n , m a s c u l i n i t y a n d t h e p r o c e s s o f s o c i o l o g i c a l e n q u i r y . I n H . R o b e r t s ( E d . ) , D o i n g f e m i n i s t r e s e a r c h , ( p . 8 3 - 1 1 3 ) . L o n d o n : R o u t l e d g e & K e g a n P a u l . O c h b e r g , R . L . ( 1 9 8 7 ) . T h e m a l e c a r e e r c o d e a n d t h e i d e o l o g y o f r o l e . I n H . B r o d ( E d . ) , T h e m a k i n g o f m a s c u l i n i t i e s : T h e new m e n ' s s t u d i e s , ( p . 1 7 3 -1 9 1 ) . B o s t o n : A l l e n & U n w i n . O ' N e i l , J . M . ( 1 9 8 2 ) . M a l e s e x r o l e c o n f l i c t s , s e x i s m a n d m a s c u l i n i t y : P s y c h o l o g i c a l i m p l i c a t i o n s f o r m e n , w o m e n , a n d t h e c o u n s e l i n g p s y c h o l o g i s t . T h e C o u n s e l i n g P s y c h o l o g i s t , 9., 6 1 - 8 0 . P a c k e r , M . J . , & A d d i s o n , R . B . ( E d s . ) . ( 1 9 8 9 ) . E n t e r i n g t h e c i r c l e . A l b a n y , N Y : S t a t e U n i v e r s i t y o f New Y o r k P r e s s . P l e c k , J . H . ( 1 9 8 1 ) . T h e m v t h o f m a s c u l i n i t y . B o s t o n : M I T P r e s s . P l e c k , J . H . ( 1 9 8 7 ) . T h e t h e o r y o f m a l e s e x - r o l e i d e n t i t y : I t s r i s e a n d f a l l , 1936 t o t h e p r e s e n t . I n H . B r o d ( E d . ) , T h e m a k i n g o f m a s c u l i n i t i e s : T h e new m e n ' s s t u d i e s . ( p . 2 1 - 3 7 ) . B o s t o n : A l l e n & U n w i n . P o p e , M . & D e n i c o l o , P . ( 1 9 8 6 ) . I n t u i t i v e t h e o r i e s — a r e s e a r c h e r ' s d i l e m m a : Some p r a c t i c a l 131 methodological implications. B r i t i s h Educational Journal. 12. 153-166. R i t t e r , A.J., & Cole, M.J. (1992). Men's issues: Gender r o l e c o n f l i c t and substance abuse. Drug and Alcohol Review. 11. 163-167. Robertson, J.M., & F i t z g e r a l d , L.F. (1992). Overcoming the masculine mystique: Preferences for alt e r n a t i v e forms of assistance among men who avoid counseling. Journal of Counseling Psychology. 39. 240-246. Rutherford, J . (1988). Who's that man? In R. Chapman & J. Rutherford (Eds.), Male order: Unwrapping masculinity, (p. 21-67). London: Lawrence & Wishart. Seidler, V.J. (1989). Rediscovering masculinity: Reason, language and sexuality. London: Routledge. Sherrod, D. (1987). The bonds of men: Problems and p o s s i b i l i t i e s i n close male r e l a t i o n s h i p s . In H. Brod (Ed.), The making of masc u l i n i t i e s : The new men's studies, (p. 213-239). Boston: A l l e n & Unwin. Sherrod, D., Cohen, S., & Clark, M. (1985). S o c i a l support, gender, and friendship. Unpublished manuscript, Scripps College, Claremont, CA. 132 S k o r d , K . G . , & Schumacher, B . (1982) . M a s c u l i n i t y as a h a n d i c a p p i n g c o n d i t i o n . R e h a b i l i t a t i o n L i t e r a t u r e , 43, 284-289. S t e i n , P . J . (1984) . Men i n f a m i l i e s . In B . B . Hess and M . B . Sussman ( E d s . ) , Women and the f a m i l y : Two decades o f change , (p . 143-162) . New Y o r k : Haworth . T a p p a n , M . B . (1990) . Hermeneut ics and m o r a l deve lopment: I n t e r p r e t i n g n a r r a t i v e r e p r e s e n t a t i o n s o f m o r a l e x p e r i e n c e . Deve lopmenta l Review. 10, 239-265. Terman, L . , & M i l e s , C . (1936) . Sex and P e r s o n a l i t y . New Y o r k : M c G r a w - H i l l . T o l s o n , A . (1977) . The l i m i t s o f m a s c u l i n i t y . London: T a v i s t o c k . 133 Appendix A ADVERTISEMENT THAT APPEARED AT SFU & UBC CAMPUSES AND IN THE NEWSPAPER Are contemporary ideas about men's lives truths or stereotypes ? I am developing a research project designed to explore the experience of being male. If you are straight, white, between 25 and 35, and would be interested in telling your story, please contact Lawrence at 555-1212. 134 Appendix B PARTICIPANT CONSENT FORM I hereby g i v e my consent t o p a r t i c i p a t e i n the r e s e a r c h s t u d y "The C o n s t r u c t i o n o f M a s c u l i n i t y . " I u n d e r s t a n d t h a t the r e s e a r c h w i l l be conducted by Lawrence Murphy as p a r t o f the f u l f i l l m e n t o f r e q u i r e m e n t s f o r a M a s t e r i n A r t s degree i n C o u n s e l l i n g P s y c h o l o g y a t the U n i v e r s i t y o f B r i t i s h Co lumbia and t h a t M r . Murphy w i l l be w o r k i n g under the s u p e r v i s i o n o f D r . Marv Westwood. I u n d e r s t a n d t h a t the purpose o f the p r o j e c t i s t o d e v e l o p an u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f the e x p e r i e n c e s o f men, w i t h the a im o f q u e s t i o n i n g the s o c i e t a l assumpt ions t h a t a r e made about men: as such i t w i l l p o i n t towards more e f f e c t i v e ways o f w o r k i n g w i t h men i n the a r e a o f m e n t a l h e a l t h p r a c t i c e s . In c o n s e n t i n g t o be i n v o l v e d i n t h i s p r o j e c t , I agree t o p a r t i c i p a t e i n an i n i t i a l a u d i o t a p e d i n t e r v i e w o f a t o t a l o f a p p r o x i m a t e l y two h o u r s ' d u r a t i o n , which w i l l be t r a n s c r i b e d and become the b a s i s f o r a case s t u d y o f my e x p e r i e n c e s as a man. My s t o r y w i l l t h e n be combined w i t h t h a t o f the o t h e r c o - r e s e a r c h e r s i n o r d e r t o c r e a t e a g e n e r a l s t o r y . I agree t o p a r t i c i p a t e i n a second a u d i o t a p e d i n t e r v i e w , o f a p p r o x i m a t e l y one h o u r ' s d u r a t i o n , i n which I s h a l l r e spond t o the g e n e r a l s t o r y , c o n f i r m i n g whether i t a c c u r a t e l y r e f l e c t s the e s s e n t i a l e lements o f my s t o r y . I u n d e r s t a n d t h a t my invo lvement i n t h i s p r o j e c t w i l l be c o n f i d e n t i a l and t h a t a l l i d e n t i f y i n g r e f e r e n c e s w i t h i n my s t o r y w i l l be d e l e t e d from t h e f i n a l document. S p e c i a l c a r e w i l l be t a k e n t o p r o t e c t and e x c l u s i v e l y l i m i t access t o r e s e a r c h e r s o f the a u d i o t a p e s and a l l t r a n s c r i p t i o n s . I agree t o p a r t i c i p a t e i n t h i s p r o j e c t w i t h the u n d e r s t a n d i n g t h a t I am a b l e t o r e f u s e t o p a r t i c i p a t e o r wi thdraw from i t a t any t ime w i t h no p e n a l t y what soever . T h i s i n c l u d e s the r i g h t t o r e f u s e t o answer any q u e s t i o n s w i t h i n the i n t e r v i e w and t o v e t o any m a t e r i a l w i t h i n my case s tudy which may be p r e j u d i c i a l t o me o r c o n t r a v e n e my r i g h t t o c o n f i d e n t i a l i t y . 135 I u n d e r s t a n d t h a t I h a v e t h e r i g h t t o r e c e i v e a n s w e r s t o a n y q u e s t i o n s w h i c h I may h a v e r e g a r d i n g t h e p r o c e d u r e s i n v o l v e d i n t h i s p r o j e c t . T o t h a t e n d , M r . M u r p h y a n d D r . W e s t w o o d c a n b e r e a c h e d a t 8 7 6 - 0 1 3 1 a n d 8 2 2 - 6 4 5 7 , r e s p e c t i v e l y . I h a v e r e a d t h i s f o r m i n f u l l a n d a g r e e t o p a r t i c i p a t e i n t h e r e s e a r c h p r o j e c t . A s w e l l , I h a v e r e c e i v e d a c o p y o f t h i s c o n s e n t f o r m w h i c h s u m m a r i z e s my i n v o l v e m e n t i n t h e p r o j e c t . C o - r e s e a r c h e r s i g n a t u r e D a t e 136 Appendix C QUESTIONS TO PARTICIPANTS 1) I n i t i a l s ta tement : The hope o f t h i s r e s e a r c h i s t o u n d e r s t a n d more f u l l y the e x p e r i e n c e o f growing up male and o f b e i n g a man i n t h i s c u l t u r e i n t h i s t ime i n h i s t o r y . Much o f what i s w r i t t e n t o d a y , i n j o u r n a l s , newspapers , and b o o k s , sugges t s t h a t many men f e e l m i s u n d e r s t o o d . There a r e a l s o s u g g e s t i o n s t h a t men a r e c o n f u s e d about what d i r e c t i o n t o t a k e i n t h e i r l i v e s . And y e t a lmos t no-one i s b o t h e r i n g t o ask the obv ious q u e s t i o n : What i s i t l i k e t o be a man i n t o d a y ' s wor ld? T h a t i s what I would l i k e us t o l o o k a t t o d a y . 2) I n t e r v i e w q u e s t i o n s : The f o l l o w i n g q u e s t i o n s a r e i n c l u d e d here as examples o n l y . They w i l l not n e c e s s a r i l y a l l be asked o f a l l p a r t i c i p a n t s . a) What prompted you t o respond t o the a d / p o s t e r ? b) I f you had a s o n , what would you f e e l t h a t i t was i m p o r t a n t t o t e l l him about b e i n g a man? c) What does i t mean t o you t o be a man? d) What e x p e r i e n c e s do you have , what t h i n g s do you t h i n k , f e e l , and do t h a t t e l l you t h a t you a r e a man, as d i s t i n c t from a woman? e) What c r i t e r i a do you b e l i e v e s o c i e t y uses t o d i s t i n g u i s h you as male? f ) What s o c i a l e x p e c t a t i o n s do you b e l i e v e e x i s t f o r men? g) How do these e x p e c t a t i o n s impact on you? How do t h e y a f f e c t y o u r sense o f y o u r s e l f as a man? h) What do you f e e l are the p r e s s u r e s on men? i ) What do you f e e l are the rewards for men? j) T e l l me about experiences that you have had at work; i n sexual r e l a t i o n s h i p s ; i n friendships; i n r ecreational a c t i v i t i e s ; at home; that have reinforced or challenged your sense masculinity. 138 Appendix D LETTER THAT ACCOMPANIED THE THEMATIC SUMMARY A p r i l 16, 1994 Dear A l , I hope t h a t t h i s l e t t e r and package f i n d s you w e l l . From the stamps you can see t h a t I am now l i v i n g i n I n d o n e s i a . I w i l l be back i n Canada t h i s summer, and I w i l l t r y t o c o n t a c t you a g a i n t h e n . T h i s package c o n t a i n s t h i s l e t t e r , t h e r e s u l t s o f t h e t h e m a t i c a n a l y s i s o f the i n t e r v i e w s t h a t I c o n d u c t e d w i t h y o u r s e l f and the o t h e r f o u r men i n t h i s p r o j e c t , and a stamped and a d d r e s s e d e n v e l o p e . I am a s k i n g you t o r e a d t h r o u g h t h e t h e m a t i c a n a l y s i s and r e s p o n d t o the b e s t o f y o u r a b i l i t y . I t i s , I b e l i e v e , q u i t e s i m p l e t o complete and s h o u l d n ' t t a k e much t i m e . I hope t h a t you w i l l be a b l e t o f i n d the t ime t o go t h r o u g h i t . When y o u ' r e done, j u s t s l i p the theme l i s t s i n the enve lope and drop i t i n a m a i l b o x . My f r i e n d B a r r y w i l l send i t on t o me. Each o f the themes t h a t came out o f the a n a l y s i s i s l i s t e d , a l o n g w i t h a b r i e f e x p l a n a t i o n . I f you made comments t h a t f i t w i t h a theme, I have l i s t e d some o f y o u r comments t o h e l p t o c l a r i f y f o r you what you s a i d . I f the theme s t i l l f i t s f o r y o u , j u s t check the a p p r o p r i a t e box . I f i t does n o t , o r i f you f e e l t h a t I have m i s i n t e r p r e t e d y o u r comments, check t h e o t h e r box . I f you want , you a r e welcome t o make a d d i t i o n a l comments i n the space p r o v i d e d , ( u s i n g t h e back o f t h e shee t i f you w i s h ) . I would p a r t i c u l a r l y a p p r e c i a t e you making comments i f you f e e l t h a t I m i s i n t e r p r e t e d y o u r words i n the i n t e r v i e w . I f I d i d do t h i s a t any p o i n t , I need t o have some sense o f what went wrong. Of c o u r s e , not a l l o f you made comments r e l e v a n t t o each theme. T h i s c o u l d have been because we d i d not get around t o t a l k i n g about the i s s u e , o r because the p a r t i c u l a r theme d i d not f i t f o r y o u . I f you d i d not make comments r e l e v a n t t o a p a r t i c u l a r theme, but on r e a d i n g the theme r e a l i z e t h a t "yeah, t h a t f i t s f o r me", t h e n p l e a s e check the a p p r o p r i a t e box . I f the theme does not f i t f o r y o u , j u s t check the o t h e r box . A g a i n , I welcome y o u r comments, and a g a i n , I would p a r t i c u l a r l y a p p r e c i a t e comments r e l e v a n t t o any theme t h a t you d e c i d e does i n d e e d f i t f o r y o u . 139 I have t r i e d to put myself i n the p o s i t i o n of going through t h i s process, and I have found within myself what I might c a l l a need to belong. Be one of the guys, show a united front. That kind of thing. So, recognizing t h i s i n myself, I would l i k e to ask each of you i n the strongest possible way to be true to yourselves as you respond to the themes. I assure you that you w i l l not be doing me a service by agreeing to themes that don't r e a l l y f i t for you. Again, I r e a l l y appreciate your taking the time to complete t h i s . I have found the process of drawing out these themes r e a l l y f ascinating, and although I imagine everyone says things l i k e t h i s , I believe that t h i s i s going to be an important piece of academic research. When I have had a chance to go through your responses I w i l l provide each of you with a summary of the f i n a l r e s u l t s as well as a copy of the interview that we did, i f you're interested. Cheers 1 140 Appendix E THEMATIC SUMMARY 1) The experience of economic responsibility and expectations. T h i s theme i s r e l a t e d t o what one o f you i d e n t i f i e d as ' the 4 A ' s o f m a s c u l i n i t y ' : a c h i e v e , a c h i e v e , a c h i e v e and a c h i e v e . T h i s i s a sense t h a t men a r e s t i l l expec ted t o have a good job and make money. Your Comments: - a l o t o f women want someone who i s f i n a n c i a l l y s t a b l e , e s p e c i a l l y s i n g l e Moms - f e e l i n g a l o t o f shame i n not h a v i n g a t r a d e -d i s a p p o i n t i n g t o my f a t h e r . n T h i s f i t s f o r me. Q T h i s does not f i t f o r me. A d d i t i o n a l comments: 2) The experience of outdoor and/or physical activity reinforcing masculinity. T h i s i n c l u d e s s p o r t s , camping a c t i v i t i e s , p h y s i c a l l a b o u r and the l i k e . Your Comments: - t w o - p e r s o n T a i C h i i s a g g r e s s i v e and a p p e a l i n g t o me - I e n j o y s t r a i n i n g m y s e l f p h y s i c a l l y , b e i n g rough D T h i s f i t s f o r me. Q T h i s does not f i t f o r me. A d d i t i o n a l comments: 3) The experience of not feeling representative of men in general. T h i s theme i s about f e e l i n g unsure whether o r not y o u r e x p e r i e n c e s are common t o o t h e r men, as w e l l as a d e s i r e t o know how r e p r e s e n t a t i v e y o u r e x p e r i e n c e s were . 141 Your Comments: - I d o n ' t t h i n k I f e e l as t h r e a t e n e d as a l o t o f o t h e r males might - women c o m p l a i n men d o n ' t show f e e l i n g s , but I t h i n k I 'm b e t t e r t h a n most; d o n ' t know how common i t i s t h a t men a r e e m o t i o n a l l y a v a i l a b l e C] T h i s f i t s f o r me. Q T h i s does not f i t f o r me. A d d i t i o n a l comments: 4 ) The experience of encountering conflicting expectations. T h i s i s j u s t what i t sounds l i k e ; the f e e l i n g t h a t , w h i l e on the one hand, men a r e e x p e c t e d t o behave i n c e r t a i n ways, t h e r e a r e a l s o messages t h a t men s h o u l d be b e h a v i n g i n ways t h a t seem e i t h e r q u i t e the o p p o s i t e o f , o r a t l e a s t i n c o n f l i c t w i t h , the o t h e r e x p e c t a t i o n . Your Comments: - I 'm c o n f u s e d about women's e x p e c t a t i o n s - t h i s i s a t ime o f u n c e r t a i n r o l e e x p e c t a t i o n s CD T h i s f i t s f o r me. D T h i s does not f i t f o r me. A d d i t i o n a l comments: 5) Feeling unsure if a particular trait is "male" or "human". A g a i n , t h i s theme i s s e l f e x p l a n a t o r y . Comments i n c l u d e d i n t h i s theme a r e o f the c h a r a c t e r o f "but I c a n ' t be s u r e i f my h e s i t a t i o n i s about b e i n g m a l e , o r j u s t because I 'm a human b e i n g . " Your Comments: - I d o n ' t know i f t h e r e ' s a n y t h i n g s p e c i f i c a l l y m a l e , i t ' s j u s t s e x u a l i t y - how much i s ma leness , how much i s t h i s c u l t u r e ? I t ' s v e r y messy D T h i s f i t s f o r me. D T h i s does not f i t f o r me. A d d i t i o n a l comments: 142 6) Feeling greater safety as a white man in the world than you think others do. T h i s theme concerns f e e l i n g s o f g r e a t e r p h y s i c a l s a f e t y i n the w o r l d and fewer c o n c e r n s about b e i n g a t t a c k e d . Your Comments: - I have a sense o f s e c u r i t y , o f f e e l i n g s a f e - I d o n ' t worry as much about b e i n g s u p p r e s s e d D T h i s f i t s f o r me. D T h i s does not f i t f o r me. A d d i t i o n a l comments: 7 ) Feeling that as a man, you are a protector. T h i s theme i s about comments made c o n c e r n i n g b e h a v i o u r s and a t t i t u d e s towards women i n g e n e r a l , f a m i l y members, employees and l o v e d ones . The theme sugges t s t h a t men a c c e p t a c e r t a i n measure o f r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r the s a f e t y o f o t h e r s . Your Comments: - I would k i l l someone who t r i e d t o harm my woman o r c h i l d - I would s a c r i f i c e m y s e l f f o r women, be a m a r t y r ; t h i s i s an a s p e c t o f the w a r r i o r Q T h i s f i t s f o r me. D T h i s does not f i t f o r me. A d d i t i o n a l comments: 8) The experience that men gain strength from being in a sexual relationship with a woman. T h i s theme sugges ts t h a t men can f e e l a g r e a t e r sense o f c o n f i d e n c e b e i n g w i t h a woman. F o r some o f you t h i s a l s o i n c l u d e s an i n c r e a s e d f e e l i n g o f m a s c u l i n i t y as a r e s u l t o f b e i n g w i t h a woman. I t i n c l u d e s the e x p e r i e n c e t h a t , as one o f you s a i d , "the a c t u a l s e x u a l p r a c t i c e s f e e l v e r y a f f i r m i n g [o f my m a s c u l i n i t y ] " . I t a l s o i n c l u d e s the e x p e r i e n c e o f f e e l i n g l e s s c o n f i d e n t , more l o n e l y , l e s s m a l e , w i t h o u t a woman. 143 Your Comments: - In my l a s t r e l a t i o n s h i p I f e l t l i k e a good l o v e r -improved my sense o f m a s c u l i n i t y . A b i g i s s u e o f m a s c u l i n i t y . Q T h i s f i t s f o r me. Q T h i s does not f i t f o r me. A d d i t i o n a l comments: 9) The experience that what is "manliness" is often defined by context. T h i s theme encompasses s e v e r a l i d e a s . I t sugges t s t h a t you f e e l t h a t what i s c o n s i d e r e d male changes depending on the peop le t h a t you a r e w i t h and how they r e a c t t o y o u . F o r some o f you i t c o n t a i n s the i d e a t h a t what i s male i s o f t e n d e f i n e d as what i s NOT female . Your Comments: - b e i n g a male as opposed t o female i s the way s o c i e t y l o o k s a t me - a l o t from the o u t s i d e r a t h e r t h a n i n s i d e - m a s c u l i n i t y i s s l i p p e r y because whenever I do something t o put m y s e l f i n t o u c h w i t h i t , I ' l l see a woman do i t and i t f e e l s l e s s m a l e . D T h i s f i t s f o r me. D T h i s does not f i t f o r me. A d d i t i o n a l comments: 10) The experience that others assume that you are confident and competent because you are a man. T h i s theme concerns the f e e l i n g t h a t men a r e e x p e c t e d t o be c o n f i d e n t and i n c o n t r o l , t o be a b l e t o hand le s t r e s s and p r e s s u r e , and t o hand le the v a r i o u s d i f f e r e n t f a c e t s o f l i f e . Your Comments: - as a man y o u ' r e expec ted t o be a g g r e s s i v e and c o n f i d e n t n T h i s f i t s f o r me. Q T h i s does not f i t f o r me. A d d i t i o n a l comments: 1 4 4 1 1 ) The experience that you are perceived as one of the group of victimizers. T h i s theme addresses e x p e r i e n c e s o f e i t h e r h a v i n g p e r s o n a l l y been p e r c e i v e d o f as a t h r e a t , o r o f f e e l i n g t h a t , because you a r e a man, you a r e lumped i n w i t h "those who v i c t i m i z e . " Your Comments: There were no comments t h a t you made t h a t f i t i n t o t h i s theme. I _ l T h i s f i t s f o r me. T h i s does not f i t f o r me. A d d i t i o n a l comments: 1 2 ) The experience of being unsure of what the "rules of conduct" are today, and so feeling unsure about how you will be treated when you go out in the world. T h i s theme i s about the l a c k o f c l a r i t y you f e e l o f what the r i g h t o r wrong t h i n g i s t o do and the e x p e r i e n c e o f not always b e i n g a b l e t o be s u r e how o t h e r s w i l l r e a c t t o you when you behave . Your Comments: - I know some women hate p o r n o g r a p h y , o t h e r s t h i n k i t ' s o k a y . I f e e l c o n f u s e d Q T h i s f i t s f o r me. Q T h i s does not f i t f o r me. A d d i t i o n a l comments: 1 3 ) The experience of being on guard. T h i s theme addresses the e x p e r i e n c e o f , when out i n the w o r l d , need ing t o be guarded i n y o u r i n t e r a c t i o n s w i t h o t h e r p e o p l e . Your Comments: T h i s i s ano ther a r e a f o r which none o f y o u r comments f i t the theme. C] T h i s f i t s f o r me. Q T h i s does not f i t f o r me. A d d i t i o n a l comments: 145 14) The feeling that there are many images of men in our culture but few, if any, f i t for you, or express your viewpoint. T h i s theme c o n t a i n s b o t h the e x p e r i e n c e t h a t , i n o u r c u l t u r e , we a r e f l o o d e d w i t h d i f f e r e n t images o f men, and a t the same t i m e , you do not r e a l l y see y o u r s e l f r e p r e s e n t e d i n those images . Your Comments: - noone e v e r asks what I t h i n k , f o r my two b i t s - macho man - l o t s o f men are l i k e t h i s . W i l l my son be p r o m i s c u o u s , monogamous, c e l i b a t e ? T h i s f i t s f o r me. T h i s does not f i t f o r me. A d d i t i o n a l comments: 15) The experience that, in relationships with other men, the intimate sharing of emotions is not prevalent. F o r some o f y o u , t h i s i s about r e m a r k i n g on i n s t a n c e s when you o r another man shares d e e p l y e m o t i o n a l s t u f f . F o r some o f you t h i s i s about not h a v i n g t h e k i n d s o f e x p e r i e n c e s where you would share deep emotions w i t h another man. F o r some o f you t h i s i s about the e x p e r i e n c e o f sometimes g o i n g f o r ex tended p e r i o d s w i t h o u t s e e i n g y o u r male f r i e n d s . F o r some o f you t h i s i n c l u d e s the e x p e r i e n c e o f not e x p r i e n c i n g c l o s e p h y s i c a l c o n t a c t w i t h o t h e r men. Your Comments: - e a s i e r t o l a u g h w i t h men, a t o t h e r ' s weaknesses; c a n ' t put a f i n g e r on i t , but I j u s t f e e l more c o m f o r t a b l e i n some way t h a t I d o n ' t w i t h women - I t h i n k more l i n e a r l y , l o g i c a l l y , i n c o n t r a s t t o women who a r e more i n t u i t i v e , more emphasis on l e a r n i n g t h e i r emotions D T h i s f i t s f o r me. D T h i s does not f i t f o r me. A d d i t i o n a l comments: 146 16) The experience that positive changes are happening. T h i s theme i s , as i t s a y s , about the f a c t t h a t t h e r e a r e some p o s i t i v e changes coming out o f the g e n e r a l changes t h a t a r e happening t o s o c i e t y . Your Commentss - now can be more open t o , l e s s r i g i d a b o u t , r o l e s - u n c e r t a i n r o l e e x p e c t a t i o n s are a good t h i n g , I have a b e t t e r chance o f f i n d i n g a woman who w i l l f i t me D T h i s f i t s f o r me. O T h i s does not f i t f o r me. A d d i t i o n a l comments: E N D 

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