UBC Theses and Dissertations

UBC Theses Logo

UBC Theses and Dissertations

Factors that facilitate and hinder the constructive use of anger as areported by mothers of preschool… Medic, Maria Bozica 1995

Your browser doesn't seem to have a PDF viewer, please download the PDF to view this item.

Item Metadata

Download

Media
831-ubc_1995-0632.pdf [ 6.82MB ]
Metadata
JSON: 831-1.0054127.json
JSON-LD: 831-1.0054127-ld.json
RDF/XML (Pretty): 831-1.0054127-rdf.xml
RDF/JSON: 831-1.0054127-rdf.json
Turtle: 831-1.0054127-turtle.txt
N-Triples: 831-1.0054127-rdf-ntriples.txt
Original Record: 831-1.0054127-source.json
Full Text
831-1.0054127-fulltext.txt
Citation
831-1.0054127.ris

Full Text

FACTORS THAT FACILITATE AND HINDER THE CONSTRUCTIVE USE OF ANGER AS REPORTED BY MOTHERS OF PRESCHOOL CHILDREN by MARIA BOZICA MEDIC B.A., The University of B r i t i s h Columbia, 1980 A THESIS SUBMITTED IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF MASTER OF ARTS i n THE FACULTY OF GRADUATE STUDIES Department of Counselling Psychology We accept this thesis as conforming to/f^ie recru^ed s t a ^ l a r d THE UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH September 1995 (6) Maria Bozica Medic, COLUMBIA 1995 ) In presenting this thesis in partial fulfilment of the requirements for an advanced degree at the University of British Columbia, 1 agree that the Library shall make it freely available for reference and study. I further agree that permission for extensive copying of this thesis for scholarly purposes may be granted by the head of my department or by his or her representatives. It is understood that copying or publication of this thesis for financial gain shall not be allowed without my written permission. The University of British Columbia Vancouver, Canada Date t f V t i E i W ^ -T. \ C \ Q F > DE-6 (2/88) 11 A B S T R A C T T h e i n t e n t o f t h i s s t u d y i s t o e x p l o r e w h a t f a c i l i t a t e s a n d h i n d e r s t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r i n t h e n o r m a t i v e a n d g e n e r a l l y p o s i t i v e m o t h e r - c h i l d r e l a t i o n s h i p . E l e v e n m o t h e r s o f p r e s c h o o l e r s w e r e i n t e r v i e w e d . F l a n a g a n ' s ( 1 9 5 4 ) c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t s i n t e r v i e w w a s u s e d t o e l i c i t 4 6 u s a b l e i n c i d e n t s d e s c r i b i n g a n g e r e x p e r i e n c e s . A n a l y s i s o f t h e s e i n c i d e n t s r e v e a l e d f o u r f a c t o r s t h a t f a c i l i t a t e t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r : ( a ) r e s p o n s i v e s e l f - a w a r e n e s s , ( b ) e m p a t h y , ( c ) s e p a r a t i o n , a n d (d ) r e l i e f . T h e i n c i d e n t s r e v e a l e d f u r t h e r m o r e t h a t t h e r e w e r e f o u r b a s i c r e s p o n s e a n d r e s o l u t i o n p a t t e r n s t o a n g e r : ( a ) a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e a n d r e s o l u t i o n , (b ) a c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e w i t h a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n , ( c ) a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e w i t h a c o e r c i v e r e s o l u t i o n , a n d (d ) a c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e a n d r e s o l u t i o n . C o m b i n i n g t h e f a c i l i t a t i n g f a c t o r s a n d r e s p o n s e s t y l e s p r o d u c e d e i g h t d i f f e r e n t i a t e d p l o t s w h i c h d e s c r i b e d h o w a n g e r w a s r e s o l v e d o n c e i t w a s a r o u s e d . T h e s t o r y p l o t s w e r e f o u n d t o b e r e l i a b l e . P a r t i c i p a n t s a l s o r e s p o n d e d t o 1 3 q u e s t i o n s t h a t a r o s e f r o m a p r e l i m i n a r y l i t e r a t u r e r e v i e w . T h e r e s p o n s e s t o t h e s e q u e s t i o n s w e r e s u m m a r i z e d i n s e v e n p r i m a r y t h e m e s : ( a ) a n g e r i s a p a r t o f t h e p a r e n t i n g I l l r e l a t i o n s h i p ; (b ) s e l f - a w a r e n e s s o f o u r o w n a n g e r h e l p s u s m a n a g e m o r e c o n s t r u c t i v e l y ; ( c ) o u t s i d e f a c t o r s s u c h a s f a t i g u e , t i m e c o n s t r a i n t , r e p e t i t i o n , c o m p e t i n g d e m a n d s , a n d n o n c o m p l i a n c e c a n a f f e c t a n g e r a r o u s a l a n d i t s p r o l o n g a t i o n ; (d ) h a v i n g a s u p p o r t n e t w o r k e n a b l e s u s t o p u t o u r e x p e r i e n c e i n p e r s p e c t i v e a n d b e m o r e a c c e p t i n g o f o u r o w n e x p e r i e n c e s ; ( e ) b o o k s , v i d e o s , a n d p a r e n t i n g c o u r s e s a r e a m o n g t h e m o s t i n f l u e n t i a l s o u r c e s i n h e l p i n g p a r e n t s t o d e a l w i t h a n g e r c o n s t r u c t i v e l y ; ( f ) c h i l d r e n n e e d t o s e e a n d l e a r n h o w t o h a n d l e a n g e r ; a n d (g ) a n g e r n e e d s t o b e a c c o m p a n i e d w i t h a n e x p l a n a t i o n a n d a r e s o l u t i o n . T h e s e t h e m e s r e p r e s e n t t h e c o n t e x t u a l t h i n k i n g a n d a c t i o n s t h a t f a c i l i t a t e t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r b e t w e e n a m o t h e r a n d h e r p r e s c h o o l c h i l d . i v TABLE OF CONTENTS ABSTRACT i i TABLE OF CONTENTS i v LIST OF TABLES v i i ACKNOWLEDGMENTS v i i i CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION 1 Background of the Problem 1 The Problem 3 Purpose of the Study 4 Design of the Study 4 Significance of the Study 4 Limitations of the Study 5 D e f i n i t i o n of Terms 5 CHAPTER 2: LITERATURE REVIEW 7 Background on Theories of Anger 7 Catharsis 8 Cognitive Theorists 11 Systemic Theorists 20 The Social Constructivist Perspective . . 22 Attachment Theory 28 Feminist Perspectives 32 Parent Education Programs 36 Social S k i l l Programs 36 Behavioral Approaches 38 Humanistic Approaches 41 Developmental Approaches 45 Maternal Variables Having an Impact upon the Constructive Use of Anger 48 Child Variables Having an Impact upon the Constructive Use of Anger 53 V B e n e f i c i a l a n d N e g a t i v e C o n s e q u e n c e s o f I n t e r f a m i l i a l A n g e r 56 S u m m a r y S y n t h e s i s a n d C o n c l u s i o n o f t h e L i t e r a t u r e R e v i e w 59 C H A P T E R 3: M E T H O D O L O G Y 63 D e s i g n 63 B r a c k e t i n g 67 P a r t i c i p a n t s 71 P r o c e d u r e s 73 P i l o t S t u d y 73 C h r o n o l o g i c a l D e s c r i p t i o n 75 A n a l y s i s o f t h e I n f o r m a t i o n 78 R e l i a b i l i t y a n d V a l i d i t y 81 I n d e p e n d e n t R a t e r s 81 L i t e r a t u r e R e v i e w Q u e s t i o n s A n a l y s i s . . . . 82 S u m m a r y 83 C H A P T E R 4: R E S U L T S 86 T h e C r i t i c a l I n c i d e n t s I n t e r v i e w R e s u l t s . . 86 C a t e g o r i z a t i o n 86 I n c i d e n t F r e q u e n c y 89 R e l i a b i l i t y 89 I n d e p e n d e n t R a t e r s 89 N a r r a t i v e A n a l y s i s 90 C o n t e x t - 90 T r i g g e r s 98 C o g n i t i v e A p p r a i s a l s 99 A n g e r 99 A n g e r R e s o l u t i o n P l o t s 101 A . R e s p o n s i v e S e l f - A w a r e n e s s 101 B . E m p a t h y 109 C . S e p a r a t i o n 119 D . R e l i e f 131 Q u e s t i o n R e s p o n s e R e s u l t s 134 S u m m a r y o f t h e Q u e s t i o n R e s p o n s e R e s u l t s a n d P r i m a r y T h e m e s 150 v i Conclusion 152 CHAPTER 5: DISCUSSION 155 Summary of Results 155 Limitations 157 Implications f o r Theory 158 Implications for Practice 165 Implications for Future Research 168 Summary 170 REFERENCES 173 APPENDICES A. Recruitment Notice 180 B. Interview Protocol 181 C. Consent Form 185 D. Demographic Questionnaire 186 v i i L I S T O F T A B L E S T a b l e P a g e 1 . A n g e r R e s o l u t i o n P l o t s 8 8 2 . F r e q u e n c y o f A n g e r i n R e s p o n s e t o a S i n g l e E v e n t o r t o a R e c u r r i n g C o n f l i c t 9 3 3 . F r e q u e n c y o f T i m e C o n s t r a i n t s a n d F a t i g u e i n E a c h R e s p o n s e C a t e g o r y 9 5 4 . F r e q u e n c y o f C h i l d B e h a v i o u r s i n E a c h R e s p o n s e C a t e g o r y 9 7 5 . P a r t i c i p a n t s ' R e c o l l e c t i o n s o f T h e i r M o t h e r s ' a n d F a t h e r s ' A n g e r E x p r e s s i o n P r e f e r e n c e s . . 1 4 3 6 . I n f l u e n t i a l F o r c e s S h a p i n g a n U n d e r s t a n d i n g o f A n g e r 1 4 7 A C K N O W L E D G M E N T S v i i i I w o u l d t o e x p r e s s my a p p r e c i a t i o n t o t h e m o t h e r s w h o v o l u n t e e r e d t o p a r t i c i p a t e i n t h i s s t u d y . I w a s t o u c h e d b y t h e i r o p e n n e s s a n d h o n e s t y i n s h a r i n g b o t h c o n s t r u c t i v e a n d c o e r c i v e u s e s o f a n g e r . I t i s i n t h e s h a r i n g o f t h e i r s t o r i e s t h a t I h o p e o t h e r m o t h e r s m a y f i n d v a l i d a t i o n o f t h e i r e x p e r i e n c e s o f a n g e r . I w o u l d l i k e t o t h a n k D r . L a r r y C o c h r a n f o r h i s p a t i e n t a n d e x p e r t g u i d a n c e t h r o u g h o u t t h e m a n y s t e p s o f t h i s s t u d y . F i n a l l y , I w o u l d l i k e t o t h a n k my h u s b a n d , S t e v e , m y m o t h e r , N e d a M e d i c , a n d m y f a m i l y f o r t h e i r e n d u r i n g s u p p o r t t h r o u g h o u t my l e n g t h y e n d e a v o u r . 1 C H A P T E R 1 I n t r o d u c t i o n B a c k g r o u n d o f t h e p r o b l e m P a r e n t i n g i s a c o m p l e x a n d s o m e t i m e s d i f f i c u l t t a s k . W h i l e e m o t i o n a l l y r e w a r d i n g , i t i s a l s o e m o t i o n a l l y t a x i n g . I t i s n o r m a l a n d i n e v i t a b l e t h a t , w h e n c o n f r o n t e d w i t h t h e d e m a n d s o f p a r e n t i n g o n e o r m o r e c h i l d r e n , a p a r e n t w i l l e x p e r i e n c e a n g e r . D e s p i t e t h e i n e v i t a b i l i t y a n d i n n a t e q u a l i t i e s o f a n g e r , t o b e c o m e a n g r y i s o f t e n a n u p s e t t i n g e x p e r i e n c e , o n e t h a t c a n l e a v e u s w i t h g u i l t , r e m o r s e a n d e v e n f e a r . S o m e t i m e s t h e e x p r e s s i o n o f a n g e r i s a d a p t i v e , e f f e c t i v e a n d n e c e s s a r y ; a t o t h e r t i m e s , i t i s m a l a d a p t i v e , i n e f f e c t i v e a n d d e s t r u c t i v e . W h a t i s t h e r e s p o n s i b l e a n d c a r i n g p a r e n t t o d o ? P a r e n t i n g b o o k s a n d e x p e r t s a d v i s e u s t o p r e v e n t f r u s t r a t i n g s i t u a t i o n s f r o m a r i s i n g a n d , w h e n t h e y d o , t o r e s p o n d i n a c a l m m a n n e r . T h i s i s g o o d a d v i c e , b u t w h a t i s t h e p a r e n t t o d o w h e n p r e v e n t i o n a n d r e a s o n e d r e s p o n s e f a i l , w h e n y o u r c h i l d h a s w r i t t e n o n y o u r l i v i n g r o o m w a l l f o r t h e t h i r d t i m e o r h a s p u t a w h o l e r o l l o f t o i l e t p a p e r i n t h e t o i l e t b o w l d e s p i t e t w o c l e a r r e q u e s t s n o t t o d o s o ? I n t h e m o m e n t , d o w e s u p p r e s s o u r a n g e r o r d o w e e x p r e s s i t ? C a n w e u s e a n g e r c o n s t r u c t i v e l y ? T h e s e q u e s t i o n s a r e a t t h e h e a r t 2 of the research being conducted on the emotion of anger ( A v e r i l l , 1982; Lerner, 1985; Hankins, 1986; Tavris, 1989). Where for caring parents does anger f i n d i t s r i g h t f u l place i n our repertoire of responses and what does i t s constructive expression look lik e ? As a society, we know that anger affects children and family l i f e . Anger i s experienced as a socio-environmental stressor and i t occurs i n almost a l l family settings. We know that children, as young as one year of age, even as bystanders, are affected by expressions of a f f e c t i o n and anger (Cummings, Zahn-Waxler, & Radke-Yarrow, 1981), show physiological responses to anger (El-Sheikh, Cummings, & Goetsch, 1989) and exhibit heightened arousal and subsequent verbal aggressiveness i n play (Cummings, 1987). Other emotions may occur within the family, but anger highly influences a child's perception of family l i f e (Cummings, Cummings, & El-Sheikh, 1989). Children c i t e themselves as the cause of maternal anger and a t t r i b u t e t h e i r own anger, rather than happiness or sadness, to th e i r family (Covell & Abramovitch, 1987). Chronic anger i s often associated with c h i l d abuse. Anger i n the abusive relationship i s used to coerce children and t y p i c a l l y results i n deprivation, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse that harms the 3 c h i l d . B o t h t h e i m m e d i a t e a n d l o n g - t e r m e f f e c t s o f a b u s e c a n b e d e v a s t a t i n g b o t h f o r t h e c h i l d a n d s o c i e t y . T h e c h i l d m a y c o m p l y i n t h e s h o r t - r u n b u t a n g e r r a i s e s a c h i l d ' s d e f e n s e s . R e s i s t a n c e a n d a n g e r i n t u r n f l o w d i r e c t l y a n d i n d i r e c t l y t o t h e p a r e n t . N o t o n l y d o e s t h e c h i l d a n d t h e p a r e n t - c h i l d r e l a t i o n s h i p s u f f e r , s o d o e s t h e h e a l t h o f t h e p a r e n t e x p e r i e n c i n g c h r o n i c a n g e r . F r o m a p h y s i o l o g i c a l p e r s p e c t i v e , a n g e r c a n b e c o n c e p t u a l i z e d a s o n e p o s s i b l e r e s p o n s e t o a p e r c e i v e d s t r e s s . W h e n t h e m i n d p e r c e i v e s a t h r e a t , i t p r e p a r e s t h e b o d y t o d e f e n d a g a i n s t t h e t h r e a t . A n g e r r a i s e s t h e l e v e l s o f t e s t o s t e r o n e ( f o r m e n ) , e p i n e p h r i n , n o r e p i n e p h r i n , a n d C o r t i s o l i n o u r c i r c u l a t o r y s y s t e m ( M c K a y , R o g e r s , & M c K a y , 1 9 8 9 ) . T h e s e r a i s e d h o r m o n a l l e v e l s a r e a d a p t i v e r e s p o n s e s t h a t e n a b l e t h e b o d y t o r e s p o n d q u i c k l y . W h i l e o c c a s i o n a l a n g e r d o e s n o t h a r m t h e b o d y , c h r o n i c a n g e r d o e s . I n c r e a s e d h o r m o n a l l e v e l s i n t e r f e r e w i t h t h e b o d y ' s n o r m a l f u n c t i o n i n g . I f m a i n t a i n e d , c h r o n i c a n g e r c a n c o n t r i b u t e t o a v a r i e t y o f d i s e a s e s , d i g e s t i v e d i s o r d e r s , h y p e r t e n s i o n , h e a r t d i s e a s e , s u s c e p t i b i l i t y t o i n f e c t i o n s , r a s h e s , a n d h e a d a c h e s . T h e P r o b l e m A s a s o c i e t y , w e c a n n o t d i s p u t e t h e d e s t r u c t i v e 4 p o w e r o f a n g e r f o r t h e c h i l d , p a r e n t , a n d t h e c h i l d -p a r e n t r e l a t i o n s h i p a n d i t s c o s t l y s o c i e t a l r a m i f i c a t i o n s . Y e t l i t t l e i s k n o w n a b o u t t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r i n a g e n e r a l l y p o s i t i v e p a r e n t - c h i l d r e l a t i o n s h i p . P u r p o s e o f t h e s t u d y T h e p u r p o s e o f t h i s s t u d y i s t o g a i n a n u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f a n g e r i n t h e n o r m a t i v e a n d g e n e r a l l y p o s i t i v e m o t h e r - c h i l d r e l a t i o n s h i p . S p e c i f i c a l l y , w h e n o n e i s a n g r y , w h a t f a c i l i t a t e s a n d h i n d e r s t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r ? D e s i g n o f t h e s t u d y T h i s s t u d y a d o p t e d a p h e n o m e n o l o g i c a l a p p r o a c h . E l e v e n m o t h e r s o f p r e s c h o o l e r s b e t w e e n t h e a g e s o f 2 a n d 5 w e r e a s k e d t o r e t e l l a n g e r - p r o v o k i n g i n c i d e n t s w h e n t h e y u s e d t h e i r a n g e r c o n s t r u c t i v e l y a n d t i m e s w h e n t h e y d i d n o t . S i g n i f i c a n c e o f t h e s t u d y T h i s s t u d y i s c o n c e r n e d w i t h d e v e l o p i n g a n u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f s t o r y p l o t s t h a t f a c i l i t a t e a n d h i n d e r t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r . R a t h e r t h a n g o t o p a r e n t i n g b o o k s o r e x p e r t s , t h e s t u d y s e e k s t o u n d e r s t a n d c o n s t r u c t i v e a n g e r f r o m t h e p e r s p e c t i v e o f m o t h e r s o f p r e s c h o o l e r s - - i n o t h e r w o r d s , c u r r e n t p r a c t i t i o n e r s . I t i s h o p e d t h a t t h e s t u d y w i l l r e v e a l 5 c r i t i c a l f e a t u r e s o f c o n s t r u c t i v e s t o r y p l o t s . T h i s k n o w l e d g e c o u l d a d d t o o u r p r e s e n t u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f c o n s t r u c t i v e a n g e r . S u c h a n u n d e r s t a n d i n g c o u l d s u g g e s t w a y s t o e n h a n c e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e s o f a n g e r i n t h e m o t h e r - c h i l d r e l a t i o n s h i p . T h i s s t u d y a s s u m e s a n g e r t h a t c a n b e a d a p t i v e a n d t h a t s o m e a n g r y i n c i d e n t s h a v e c o n s t r u c t i v e o u t c o m e s . L i m i t a t i o n s o f t h e s t u d y T h e m o t h e r s w h o w e r e i n t e r v i e w e d c a m e f r o m m i d d l e -i n c o m e h o m e s m o s t l y f r o m a s u b u r b a n a r e a o f R i c h m o n d , B . C . T h e m o t h e r s a l l h a d g e n e r a l l y p o s i t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p s w i t h t h e i r c h i l d r e n a n d w e r e n o t e x p e r i e n c i n g s e v e r e s t r e s s a t t h e t i m e o f t h e i n t e r v i e w . T h e r e f o r e , t h e r e s u l t s o f t h i s s t u d y a r e n o t r e p r e s e n t a t i v e o f o t h e r g r o u p s . D e f i n i t i o n o f t e r m s O n e o f t h e b a s i c p r e m i s e s i n t h i s s t u d y i s t h a t a n g e r i s a n o r m a l , n a t u r a l e m o t i o n t h a t i n i t s e l f i s n e i t h e r g o o d n o r b a d . I t i s t h e b e h a v i o u r s w h i c h f o l l o w f r o m a n g r y f e e l i n g s t h a t l e a d t o p o s i t i v e o r n e g a t i v e o u t c o m e s f o r t h e m o t h e r a n d / o r c h i l d . A n g e r i s o f t e n c o n f o u n d e d w i t h a g g r e s s i o n . I n t h i s s t u d y , a g g r e s s i o n d e n o t e s b e h a v i o u r s w i t h i n t e n t t o h a r m a n o t h e r p e r s o n . A g g r e s s i v e b e h a v i o u r s m a y b e v e r b a l o r p h y s i c a l . A g g r e s s i o n m a y o r m a y n o t a r i s e 6 f r o m a n g e r . A n g e r i s v i e w e d a s a n a f f e c t i v e s t r e s s r e a c t i o n t h a t h a s i m p o r t a n t c o g n i t i v e a n d b e h a v i o r a l f e a t u r e s ( N o v o c o , 1975). I t s f u n c t i o n i s t o s t o p p e r c e i v e d s t r e s s ( M c K a y e t a l . , 1989) a n d t o r e i n f o r c e s o c i o -c u l t u r a l e x p e c t a t i o n s ( A v e r i l l , 1982; T a v r i s , 1989) . A n g e r c a n b e i n h i b i t e d o r e x p r e s s e d . A n g e r i s a n i n t e n s e , i n t e r p e r s o n a l e m o t i o n w h i c h i n v o l v e s a n a t t r i b u t i o n o f b l a m e a n d s o m e t i m e s a d e s i r e f o r r e v e n g e ; a n d i t i s a c c o m p a n i e d b y a s t r o n g d e s i r e f o r d i r e c t a c t i o n ( A v e r i l l , 1982, p . 248). A n g e r c a n b e u s e d c o n s t r u c t i v e l y t o g a t h e r i n f o r m a t i o n , t o i d e n t i f y n e e d s , t o m o b i l i z e e n e r g y , t o r e s i s t d a n g e r , t o s e t l i m i t s , a n d t o d e f i n e b o u n d a r i e s . A n g e r g i v e s u s i n f o r m a t i o n t h a t m a y b e u s e d t o w a r d s a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n . A n g e r c a n b e u s e d d e s t r u c t i v e l y w h e n i t d u m p s f u r y o n t o a c h i l d . D e s t r u c t i v e a n g e r c a n g e n e r a t e r e s i s t a n c e , r e s e n t m e n t , a n d s u b s e q u e n t e s c a l a t i o n . T h i s s t u d y d e f i n e s a n g e r t h a t i s u s e d t o h a r m a n o t h e r f r e q u e n t l y o r w h e n i t b e c o m e s a n e n t r e n c h e d r e s p o n s e a s a b u s e . A n g e r i s a b u s i v e w h e n i t i s c y c l i c a n d w i t h o u t r e s o l u t i o n . 7 C H A P T E R 2 L i t e r a t u r e R e v i e w T h e p u r p o s e o f t h i s s t u d y i s t o e x a m i n e s t o r i e s b y m o t h e r s o f p r e s c h o o l e r s t o d e t e r m i n e , i n t h e m o m e n t o f a n g e r , s t o r y p l o t s w h i c h f a c i l i t a t e o r h i n d e r t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r . I n o r d e r t o d o t h i s , a n e x a m i n a t i o n o f t h e l i t e r a t u r e w i l l h e l p t o c o n f i r m t h e c o n c e p t o f t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r a n d i t s f a c i l i t a t i n g f a c t o r s . T h e l i t e r a t u r e r e v i e w w i l l e x a m i n e t h e c o n t r i b u t i o n s o f d i f f e r e n t t h e o r i e s o f a n g e r , f e m i n i s t p e r s p e c t i v e s , p a r e n t e d u c a t i o n p r o g r a m s , r e s e a r c h f i n d i n g s p e r t a i n i n g t o m a t e r n a l a n g e r ( b o t h e x a m i n i n g m o t h e r v a r i a b l e s a n d c h i l d v a r i a b l e s ) , a n d r e s e a r c h f i n d i n g s o n t h e b e n e f i c i a l a n d d e t r i m e n t a l e f f e c t s o f i n t e r f a m i l i a l a n g e r . B a c k g r o u n d o n T h e o r i e s o f A n g e r C u r r e n t t h e o r i e s o f a n g e r o f f e r d i f f e r i n g v i e w p o i n t s . T h e o r i e s o f a n g e r a r e o f t e n e n m e s h e d w i t h t h e o r i e s o f a g g r e s s i o n . M o s t t h e o r i e s a d d r e s s t w o p o i n t s : ( a ) h o w m u c h c h o i c e w e h a v e i n e x p r e s s i n g a n g e r , a n d (b ) t h e m e r i t s o f s u p p r e s s i o n o r i n h i b i t i o n o f a n g e r . O n e t h e o r i s t A v e r i l l ( 1 9 8 2 ) d e f i n e s a n g e r b r o a d l y : A n g e r i s a c o n f l i c t i v e e m o t i o n t h a t o n t h e b i o l o g i c a l l e v e l , i s r e l a t e d t o a g g r e s s i v e s y s t e m s a n d e v e n , m o r e i m p o r t a n t , t o t h e c a p a c i t i e s f o r 8 cooperative s o c i a l l i v i n g , symbolization, and r e f l e c t i v e s e l f - awareness; that on the psychological l e v e l , i s aimed at the correction of some appraised wrong; and that, on the sociocultural l e v e l , functions to uphold accepted standards of conduct, (p.317) The focus and d i f f e r i n g weights theorists place on a component or components of this d e f i n i t i o n lead to varying interpretations of anger and how constructive the experience of anger can be. Catharsis Theorists and pract i t i o n e r s drawing on the Freudian psychoanalytic t r a d i t i o n view anger as an impulsive and aggressive tendency of the Id (Monte, 1987). Anger i s i n s t i n c t u a l . Anger i s primitive i n nature and tempered by the cognitive intervention of the Superego. The c l a s s i c a l , although now dated, homeostatic concept of psychological functioning posits that unexpressed anger surrounding a p a i n f u l , unresolved c o n f l i c t takes refuge within the psyche and, i f s u f f i c i e n t , can lead to neurosis. The encounter movement (Bach & Goldberg, 1974; Burton, 1969) r e f l e c t s these b e l i e f s . The aim of therapy i s to promote s e l f -expression by releasing emotions, overcoming i n h i b i t i o n s , and a r t i c u l a t i n g suppressed fantasies and impulses. Repressed anger i s the cause of ind i v i d u a l and s o c i e t a l a f f l i c t i o n . Addressing parents, Bach and Goldberg (1974) write: 9 P a r e n t s w h o o b s t r u c t t h e c h i l d ' s a g g r e s s i v e s e l f -e x p r e s s i o n . . . a r e t e a c h i n g t h e m t h a t s e l f -a s s e r t i o n a n d f e e l i n g s o f a n g e r a r e a p a r t o f " b e i n g b a d " a n d t h a t t h o s e f e e l i n g s m u s t b e h i d d e n o r a t l e a s t d e n i e d . T h e p r i c e f o r t h i s i s t h a t s u c h o p e n a g g r e s s i v e e x p r e s s i o n i s d r i v e n u n d e r g r o u n d a n d w i l l r e - e m e r g e i n i n d i r e c t , u n m a n a g e a b l e , a n d u n r e c o g n i z a b l e w a y s . ( p . 264) H e a l t h y f u n c t i o n i n g , f o r p a r e n t s a n d c h i l d r e n , i s a c h i e v e d b y r e l e a s i n g a n g r y f e e l i n g s - - c a t h a r s i s . B a c h a n d G o l d b e r g e n c o u r a g e p a r e n t s t o d e v e l o p s t r u c t u r e d r i t u a l s t o e x p r e s s a n g e r i n a n o n d e s t r u c t i v e w a y a n d t o s e e a n g r y f e e l i n g s t h r o u g h t o a p o s i t i v e e n d . F o r e x a m p l e , a f a m i l y m e m b e r m i g h t a s k f o r a 2 t o 3 m i n u t e " V e s u v i u s " , a t i m e t o e x p r e s s p e n t - u p f e e l i n g s . I n a d d i t i o n t o r e l e a s i n g p e n t u p f e e l i n g s , t h e r i t u a l ' s i n t e n t i o n i s t o h e l p o t h e r f a m i l y m e m b e r s g a i n u n d e r s t a n d i n g a n d f i n d s o m e s o l u t i o n s . W i t h i n t h i s t h e o r e t i c a l f r a m e w o r k , a n g e r i s u s e d c o n s t r u c t i v e l y i f e x p r e s s e d w i t h i n a p r e d e t e r m i n e d s t r u c t u r e . I n c o n t r a s t t o t h e f o l l o w i n g t h e o r i e s , t h i s u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f a n g e r a t t e m p t s t o a c c o m m o d a t e t h e i r r a t i o n a l q u a l i t i e s o f a n g e r . R e s e a r c h r e v i e w s ( H a n k i n s , 1986; T a v r i s , 1989) d o n o t s u b s t a n t i a t e t h a t s i m p l y v e n t i n g a n g r y f e e l i n g s l e a d s t o c a t h a r s i s . H o k a n s o n (1970) c o n d u c t e d a s e r i e s o f e x p e r i m e n t s o n c a t h a r s i s . H e i n i t i a l l y f o u n d t h a t a g g r e s s i o n w a s c a t h a r t i c f o r m e n b u t n o t f o r w o m e n , a n d o n l y w h e n d i r e c t e d a t a s u b o r d i n a t e o r a p e e r . M e n 10 f o u n d a g g r e s s i o n c a t h a r t i c ; f o r w o m e n , f r i e n d l i n e s s w a s c a t h a r t i c . H o w e v e r , i n s u b s e q u e n t e x p e r i m e n t s , H o k a n s o n f o u n d t h a t b y m a n i p u l a t i n g r e w a r d s , m e n c o u l d b e c o n d i t i o n e d t o u s e f r i e n d l y r e s p o n s e s a n d w o m e n c o u l d b e c o n d i t i o n e d t o u s e a g g r e s s i v e r e s p o n s e s . H o k a n s o n ' s e x p e r i m e n t s d e m o n s t r a t e t h a t t h e r e a r e c a t h a r t i c r e s p o n s e s t o a n a n g e r e x p e r i e n c e , h o w e v e r , r e s p o n s e s v a r y a c c o r d i n g t o g e n d e r , s t a t u s d i f f e r e n c e s , a n d p r e v i o u s c o n d i t i o n i n g . T h e r e i s e v i d e n c e t o s u p p o r t t h a t a n a g g r e s s i v e r e s p o n s e t o a n g e r m a y l e a d t o i n c r e a s i n g a n g r y f e e l i n g s . F e s h b a c k (1956) f o u n d t h a t n o n a g g r e s s i v e b o y s b e c a m e m o r e a g g r e s s i v e a f t e r b e i n g a l l o w e d t o p l a y w i t h v i o l e n t t o y s a n d t o r u n w i l d . E v e n v e r b a l a g g r e s s i o n , y e l l i n g , o r s u r p r i s i n g l y , e v e n t a l k i n g a b o u t a n g e r m a y l e a d t o i n c r e a s e d f e e l i n g s o f a n g e r . A s t u d y ( E b b e s e n , D u n c a n , & K o n e c n i , 1975, c i t e d i n T a v r i s , 1989) c o n d u c t e d i n t e r v i e w s w i t h m e n w h o h a d b e e n l a i d o f f f r o m a n a e r o s p a c e p r o j e c t a n d c o m p a r e d t h e m t o m e n w h o h a d v o l u n t a r i l y l e f t t h e p r o j e c t . T h e y f o u n d t h a t v e n t i n g a n g e r d u r i n g t h e i n t e r v i e w i n c r e a s e d t h e m e n ' s h o s t i l i t y t o w a r d t h e c o m p a n y . L e r n e r (1985) e x p l a i n s : " I f f e e l i n g a n g r y s i g n a l s a p r o b l e m , v e n t i n g a n g e r d o e s n o t s o l v e i t . V e n t i n g a n g e r m a y s e r v e t o m a i n t a i n , a n d e v e n r i g i d i f y , t h e o l d r u l e s a n d p a t t e r n s 1 1 i n a r e l a t i o n s h i p , t h u s e n s u r i n g t h a t c h a n g e d o e s n o t o c c u r " ( p . 4 ) . S i m p l y v e n t i n g a n g e r s e e m s t o e n t r e n c h a n g r y f e e l i n g s , i n c r e a s e d e f i a n c e , a n d l e a d t o d e t e r i o r a t i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s . A l t h o u g h p s y c h o a n a l y t i c t h e o r y h a s e v o l v e d b e y o n d t h e l i m i t e d v i e w o f t h e E g o a s j u s t a r e f e r e e b e t w e e n t h e S u p e r e g o a n d I d t o a v i e w o f t h e E g o a s c r e a t i v e a n d c a p a b l e o f i n t e g r a t i n g i m p u l s e s a n d i n f o r m a t i o n l e a r n e d f r o m t h e s o c i a l s y s t e m ( M o n t e , 1 9 8 7 ) , t h e b e l i e f i n t h e c a t h a r t i c r e l e a s e o f a n g e r p e r s i s t s i n v a r i o u s f o r m s t o d a y . " P u n c h a p i l l o w , g o f o r a r u n , g e t i t o u t o f y o u r s y s t e m , " e x e m p l i f y t h i s t r a d i t i o n . W i t h i n t h e p s y c h o a n a l y t i c a l t r a d i t i o n , a n g e r i s a n i n s t i n c t u a l r e s p o n s e . A n g e r i s u s e d c o n s t r u c t i v e l y w h e n i t i s e x p r e s s e d w i t h o u t i n h i b i t i o n , b u t i n a p p r o p r i a t e c o n t e x t s . R i t u a l s a n d t h e r a p e u t i c a l l i a n c e s f a c i l i t a t e t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r . R e p r e s s i n g a n g e r a n d s i m p l y v e n t i n g i n d i s c r i m i n a t e l y h i n d e r s h e a l t h y f u n c t i o n i n g . C o g n i t i v e T h e o r i s t s T h e c o g n i t i v e m o d e l o f p s y c h o l o g i c a l f u n c t i o n i n g a l l o w s t h a t a n g e r a n d a g g r e s s i o n c a n b e c o n c e i v e d o f s e p a r a t e l y . A g g r e s s i o n i s v i e w e d a s a s o c i a l l y l e a r n e d r e s p o n s e t h a t m a y o r m a y n o t a c c o m p a n y a n g e r . A n g e r i s v i e w e d a s a m e t h o d o f p r o b l e m - s o l v i n g . 12 B e r k o w i t z (1993), a s o c i a l c o g n i t i v i s t t h e o r i s t , h a s r e s e a r c h e d a n g e r a n d a g g r e s s i o n e x t e n s i v e l y . H e p l a c e s g r e a t e r w e i g h t o n p a s s i v e o r a u t o m a t i c m e c h a n i s m s o f p r o c e s s i n g i n f o r m a t i o n a r o u s e d d u r i n g a n a v e r s i v e e v e n t . H e r e c o g n i z e s t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f c o g n i t i o n i n e m o t i o n b u t d o e s n o t b e l i e v e t h a t a n a c t i v e l y c o n s t r u c t e d i n t e r n a l r e p r e s e n t a t i o n a l w a y s m e d i a t e s b e t w e e n t h e s i t u a t i o n a n d t h e r e s p o n s e . I n o t h e r w o r d s , s o m e t i m e s w e c a n c o n t r o l t h e a r o u s a l a n d a t o t h e r t i m e s w e w i l l s t r i k e o u t . T h i s v i e w p o i n t i s a n e l a b o r a t i o n o f t h e f r u s t r a t i o n - a g g r e s s i o n h y p o t h e s i s f i r s t e l a b o r a t e d b y D o l l a r d , D o o b , M i l l e r , M o w r e r , a n d S e a r s (1936). T h e r o l e o f c o g n i t i o n w i t h i n t h i s t h e o r y i s t o i n h i b i t a n a g g r e s s i v e r e s p o n s e . F o r e x a m p l e , a n g e r / a g g r e s s i o n i s a n a u t o m a t i c , n e u r o - p h y s i o l o g i c a l r e s p o n s e a n d c o g n i t i o n a c t s a s b r a k e s d o o n a c a r u n d e r c e r t a i n c o n d i t i o n s . B e r k o w i t z c i t e s s e v e r a l s t u d i e s w h e r e e n v i r o n m e n t a l c o n d i t i o n s s u c h a s t e m p e r a t u r e , n o i s e , c r o w d i n g , a n d o d o u r a c t i v a t e a n a n g e r / a g g r e s s i o n n e t w o r k . W i t h i n t h i s c o n c e p t u a l i z a t i o n , c o n s t r u c t i v e a n g e r i s v i e w e d a s t h e c a p a c i t y t o f l e e o r f i g h t a p e r c e i v e d t h r e a t . S o c i a l c o g n i t i v e r e s e a r c h e r s w h o w e r e i n f l u e n c e d b y s o c i a l l e a r n i n g t h e o r y a s e l a b o r a t e d b y B a n d u r a (1973) a s s i g n g r e a t e r i m p o r t a n c e t o c o g n i t i o n i n t h e 13 arousal of emotions such as anger. They do not accept the b i o l o g i c a l determination embedded in the frustration/aggression hypothesis. For instance, Clore, Ortony, Dienes, and F u j i t a (1993) disagree with Berkowitz. In t h e i r view, a cognitive appraisal mediates the external cues and f e l t emotions and the resultant behaviour. These theorists recognize that cognitive a c t i v i t y can be automatic, involuntary, and quick but include this type of response under cognition. In t h e i r view, cognition has a creative function i n addition to an i n h i b i t i v e function. By way of example, they ask us to consider an event such as meeting a bear while hiking. Our appraisal, even though i t may be automatic, involuntary, and quick, usually leads us to experience fear rather than anger. It i s what we think about the aversive event that leads to emotional experience of anger. Anger, i n t h e i r view, occurs when we disapprove of someone else's blameworthy action and we are displeased with the outcome. We f e e l both displeasure and disapproval. Therefore, anger i s more than a f l e e or f i g h t stress reaction; i t i s i n e x t r i c a b l y bound with our cognitive appraisals. A study by Richardson, Hammock, Smith, Gardner, and Signo (1994) supports the importance of cognition 14 i n a n g e r a r o u s a l . T h e y e x a m i n e d t h e r o l e o f e m p a t h y i n i n h i b i t i n g a g g r e s s i o n . T h e y d e s c r i b e e m p a t h y a s h a v i n g t w o c o m p o n e n t s : ( a ) c o g n i t i v e , t a k i n g t h e p e r s p e c t i v e o f t h e t a r g e t , a n d (b ) a n a f f e c t i v e c o m p o n e n t , f e e l i n g s o f c a r e a n d s y m p a t h y . T h e y f o u n d t h e c o g n i t i v e c o m p o n e n t o f e m p a t h y , r a t h e r t h a n t h e a f f e c t i v e c o m p o n e n t , i n h i b i t e d a g g r e s s i o n u n d e r c o n d i t i o n s o f m o d e r a t e t h r e a t ( l o w p r o v o c a t i o n f o r m a l e s , h i g h p r o v o c a t i o n f o r f e m a l e s ) . T h e c o g n i t i v e c o m p o n e n t o f e m p a t h y , t a k i n g t h e p e r s p e c t i v e o f t h e t a r g e t , m a y t h e n f a c i l i t a t e t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r . T a v r i s (1989), a u t h o r o f A n g e r : T h e m i s u n d e r s t o o d e m o t i o n , r e v i e w e d t h e l i t e r a t u r e o n a n g e r a n d f a v o u r s t h e p r e c e d i n g s o c i a l c o g n i t i v e u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f a n g e r . A n g e r , i n h e r o p i n i o n , i s n o t b i o l o g i c a l l y p r e d e t e r m i n e d n o r a n u n c o n s c i o u s i n s t i n c t ; r a t h e r i t i s t h e c o g n i t i v e a p p r a i s a l o f a n i n c i d e n t t h a t d e t e r m i n e s w h e t h e r o r n o t w e b e c o m e a n g r y . W h i l e a g g r e s s i o n o f t e n a c c o m p a n i e s a n g e r , s h e s u g g e s t s t h a t w e m a k e a m i s t a k e t o p a i r a n a g g r e s s i v e r e s p o n s e i n e x t r i c a b l y w i t h a n g e r . S h e b e l i e v e s t h a t a g g r e s s i o n i s a c o n d i t i o n e d r e s p o n s e t h a t w e s t e r n s o c i e t y t o l e r a t e s u n d e r c e r t a i n c o n d i t i o n s . W h e n w e e x p e r i e n c e a n g e r , w e c a n c h o o s e o u r r e s p o n s e a n d t h e r e f o r e a g g r e s s i o n r e p r e s e n t s a 1 5 c h o i c e . T a v r i s b e l i e v e s t h a t s i m p l y v e n t i n g a n g e r i s n e v e r b e n e f i c i a l . H o w e v e r , s h e d o e s s u g g e s t t h a t e x p r e s s i n g a n g e r c a n b e b e n e f i c i a l u n d e r t h e f o l l o w i n g c o n d i t i o n s : ( a ) a n g e r m u s t b e d i r e c t e d a t t h e t a r g e t o f t h e a n g e r , (b ) c o m m u n i c a t i o n o f a n g e r m u s t r e s t o r e a s e n s e o f c o n t r o l a n d j u s t i c e ; i t m u s t i n f l i c t t h e a p p r o p r i a t e h a r m o n t h e o t h e r p e r s o n , ( c ) t h e e x p r e s s i o n o f a n g e r m u s t c h a n g e t h e t a r g e t ' s b e h a v i o u r o r g i v e n e w i n s i g h t s , (d ) t h e t a r g e t n e e d s t o u n d e r s t a n d t h e e x p r e s s i o n o f a n g e r , a n d ( e ) t h e r e m u s t b e n o a n g r y r e t a l i a t i o n f r o m t h e t a r g e t . I n g e n e r a l , T a v r i s a d v i s e s r e a d e r s t o s u p p r e s s a n g e r a n d s u g g e s t s t h a t s u p p r e s s i o n e n a b l e s s o c i e t y t o f u n c t i o n . T o p a r e n t s s p e c i f i c a l l y , T a v r i s s u g g e s t s t h a t i f o u r g o a l i s t o r a i s e c h i l d r e n h i g h i n s e l f - c o n t r o l a n d s e l f - e s t e e m , w e n e e d t o : ( a ) b e c o n s i s t e n t i n e n f o r c i n g r u l e s , (b ) s e t h i g h e x p e c t a t i o n s t h a t a r e a p p r o p r i a t e f o r t h e c h i l d ' s a g e a n d t e a c h t h e c h i l d h o w t o m e e t t h e m , ( c ) m a i n t a i n o p e n c o m m u n i c a t i o n , (d ) n o t i c e , a p p r o v e o f , a n d r e w a r d g o o d b e h a v i o u r , a n d ( e ) c a l l t h e c h i l d ' s a t t e n t i o n t o t h e e f f e c t o f h i s o r h e r a c t i o n s o n o t h e r s a n d h o w t o t a k e a n o t h e r p e r s o n ' s p o i n t o f v i e w . T a v r i s ' c o n t e n t i o n i s t h a t a n g e r w i l l n o t g e t s u p p r e s s e d i f w e a r e s o l v i n g c o n f l i c t s i n a 16 nonthreatening way. In her view, anger i s one way of solving problems and not a very good one. Following her suggestions, parents would become angry less often and have greater control over t h e i r anger. Her parting words of advice are: "If you are patient i n one moment of anger, you w i l l escape a hundred days of sorrow" (p. 318). In essence, within this cognitive conceptual framework, the constructive use of anger occurs when parents learn to recognize underlying needs, communicate them i n a nonthreatening way, and work to resolve the c o n f l i c t . Practitioners such as McKay, Rogers, and McKay (1989) , who draw on the cognitive theories of E l l i s and Beck, go even further than Tavris by stating that "anger i s always a choice" (p.6). Anger, i n th e i r view, helps to block or discharge painfu l levels of stress, such as anxiety, hurt, g u i l t , worry, or loss. Arousal i s not s u f f i c i e n t to generate the f e e l i n g of anger. Cognition i s necessary for us to label our aroused state as anger. "Thoughts, b e l i e f s , and assumptions make you angry" (p. 245). In th e i r view, anger has an adaptive or constructive function only i n exceptional circumstances --when anger helps us to protect and to defend the i n t e g r i t y of the s e l f , e.g., to defend ourselves or to f l e e a physical threat, to 17 d e l i n e a t e p e r s o n a l b o u n d a r i e s , t o u n d e r t a k e t h e t a s k o f s e p a r a t i o n a n d i n d i v i d u a t i o n , t o d e a l w i t h s e x u a l o r p h y s i c a l a b u s e a s a c h i l d , a n d t o o v e r c o m e t h e f e a r o f a s s e r t i n g o u r s e l v e s . O n t h e o t h e r h a n d , c h r o n i c a n g e r e n c o u r a g e s a t t a c k a n d b e g e t s m o r e a n g e r . A n g e r m a y t h e n b e c o m e d e s t r u c t i v e a n d a b u s i v e . T h e g o a l o f t h e i r b o o k i s t o h e l p i n d i v i d u a l s t o c o n t r o l t h e i r a n g e r b y c o n t r o l l i n g a n g e r - t r i g g e r i n g t h o u g h t s a n d b y t a k i n g r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r e v e r y t h i n g t h a t s t r e s s e s , h u r t s , o r f r u s t r a t e s t h e m . F o r t h e p a r e n t , t h i s m e a n s b e i n g p r o a c t i v e b y p l a n n i n g t o p r e v e n t c o n f l i c t u a l s i t u a t i o n s f r o m o c c u r r i n g i n t h e f i r s t p l a c e . I t m e a n s r e p l a c i n g " f a u l t y t h i n k i n g " s u c h a s , " H e s h o u l d k n o w h o w t o b e h a v e , " o r " S h e ' s d o i n g t h i s t o b u g m e , " w i t h m o r e a c c u r a t e s t a t e m e n t s s u c h a s " T h i s b e h a v i o u r i s e m b a r r a s s i n g o r d i s a p p o i n t i n g t o me o r m a k e s me f e e l t h a t h e i s o u t o f c o n t r o l . " M c K a y e t a l . d e v o t e a c h a p t e r t o t h e t o p i c o f a n g e r a n d c h i l d r e n . T h e y a d v i s e p a r e n t s t o a d o p t t h e A d l e r i a n e x p l a n a t i o n o f a c h i l d ' s b e h a v i o u r : a l l b e h a v i o u r i s g o a l - o r i e n t a t e d a n d s t r i v e s t o s a t i s f y b a s i c n e e d s . " M i s b e h a v i n g " c h i l d r e n a r e c h i l d r e n w h o a r e d i s c o u r a g e d a n d h a v e m i s t a k e n b e l i e f s ( f a u l t y c o g n i t i o n s ) a b o u t h o w t o m e e t t h e i r n e e d s . W h e n a n g e r -p r o v o k i n g s i t u a t i o n s a r i s e , i t i s m o r e c o n s t r u c t i v e t o 1 8 a s k q u e s t i o n s s u c h a s , " W h a t n e e d d o e s t h i s b e h a v i o u r t r y t o s a t i s f y ? " T h e p a r e n t a l t a s k i s t o h e l p t h e i r c h i l d f i n d h e a l t h i e r o r m o r e e f f e c t i v e w a y s t o m e e t t h o s e n e e d s . M c K a y e t a l . a d v i s e a g a i n s t p h y s i c a l p u n i s h m e n t . T h e y c i t e t w o s u p p o r t i n g s t u d i e s . T h e f i r s t , a s t u d y c o n d u c t e d b y H o f f m a n ( 1 9 7 0 ) f o u n d t h a t c h i l d r e n w h o w e r e p h y s i c a l l y p u n i s h e d t e n d e d t o h a v e l e s s g u i l t , w e r e l e s s w i l l i n g t o a c c e p t b l a m e , w e r e l e s s r e s i s t a n t t o t e m p t a t i o n , a n d h a d f e w e r i n t e r n a l b e h a v i o r a l c o n t r o l s t h a n c h i l d r e n w h o w e r e n o t p h y s i c a l l y p u n i s h e d . T h e s e c o n d , a r e v i e w o f t h e l i t e r a t u r e b y H e r m a n ( 1 9 8 5 ) f o u n d a c o r r e l a t i o n b e t w e e n c o r p o r a l p u n i s h m e n t a n d s t e a l i n g , t r u a n c y , a g g r e s s i o n , h o s t i l i t y , l y i n g , d e p r e s s i o n , a n d l o w s e l f - e s t e e m . I n s t e a d o f c o e r c i v e o r a u t h o r i t a r i a n p a r e n t i n g , M c K a y e t a l . p r e s c r i b e a s e r i e s o f s e l f - r e f l e c t i v e e x e r c i s e s t o h e l p p a r e n t s i d e n t i f y e x p e c t a t i o n s a n d a l t e r n a t i v e w a y s o f m e e t i n g c o n f l i c t u a l n e e d s . T h e y r e c o m m e n d t h e f o l l o w i n g a p p r o a c h t o c h i l d - r e a r i n g : 1 . D e v e l o p a p o s i t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h t h e c h i l d . T e a c h a n d m o d e l a p p r o p r i a t e e x p e c t a t i o n s . W h e n a c h i l d d o e s n o t m e e t e x p e c t a t i o n s , d e t e r m i n e t h e c o n s e q u e n c e i n a d v a n c e . A l l o w n a t u r a l c o n s e q u e n c e s t o o c c u r o r a p p l y r e a s o n a b l e o n e s . A p p l y t h e m 19 c o n s i s t e n t l y , w i t h o u t u n d u e d e l a y a n d f o r a s h o r t d u r a t i o n . 2. B e a w a r e o f s t r e s s . C e r t a i n f a c t o r s s u c h a s f a t i g u e , f e e l i n g r u s h e d , d i s a p p o i n t e d , c o n t r o l i s s u e s , a n d i n t e r r u p t i o n s c a n p r e d i s p o s e u s f o r a n g e r - p r o d u c i n g s c e n e s . O t h e r c o n t r i b u t i n g f a c t o r s m i g h t i n c l u d e w o r r y , s y m p t o m s o f i l l n e s s , i n t e r p e r s o n a l c o n f l i c t , i n s h o r t , a n y s i g n i f i c a n t s o u r c e o f s t r e s s . 3. C o m m u n i c a t e f e e l i n g s t o t h e c h i l d a n d s t a t e y o u r n e e d . " I ' m f e e l i n g t i r e d n o w . I n e e d y o u t o p l a y q u i e t l y i n y o u r b e d r o o m ; t h a t w i l l h e l p me f e e l b e t t e r . " 4. A d d r e s s s t r e s s r i g h t a w a y i f p o s s i b l e . P h o n e a f r i e n d o r a s k t h e s p o u s e t o t a k e o v e r . 5. B e p r e p a r e d f o r m i s h a p s a n d p l a n t o a v o i d t h e m . F o r e x a m p l e , d o n ' t a l l o w t h e c h i l d t o d r i n k o n a n e w s o f a i f a s p i l l w i l l b e u p s e t t i n g . 6. P l a n a h e a d s o a s t o a v o i d s t r e s s . O n l o n g t r i p s , p l a n t o s t o p a t r e g u l a r i n t e r v a l s . I n s u m , b e s e l f - a w a r e , m a n a g e s t r e s s , a n d p l a n t o a v o i d c o n f l i c t s . " W e l l a n d f i n e , " I c a n h e a r a p a r e n t s a y . " W h a t d o I d o w h e n s e l f - a w a r e n e s s a n d p r e v e n t i o n a r e n o t e n o u g h ? " H a p p i l y , M c K a y e t a l . o f f e r s u g g e s t i o n s f o r t h e t i m e s w e d o b e c o m e a n g r y . F i r s t , t h e y c a u t i o n t h a t 20 we are more l i k e l y to make threats and to use violence, e.g., h i t , squeeze, push, or shake a c h i l d , because the adrenalin that i s rushing through our bodies impairs our judgment. Instead, they recommend the following: (a) don't touch your c h i l d ; (b) combat trigger thoughts; (c) get support; (d) use time-out when necessary; (e) s t i c k to "I" messages and avoid blaming, sarcasm, i n s u l t s , or generalizations; (f) l i s t e n ; (g) i f overwhelmed, get help, c a l l a parent stress hotline. The constructive use of anger occurs when we avoid threats or violence, combat trigger thoughts, and verbalize our needs. If this f a i l s , we need to separate ourselves from our c h i l d and i f the anger per s i s t s we need to get help. Even cognitive theorists vary on the degree of control, from very l i t t l e to f u l l control, that we have over anger impulses. In general, anger i s seen as a method of problem-solving but an i n f e r i o r one. Cognitive theorists appear to d i s t r u s t anger. Replacing fau l t y thinking with nonaccusatory thinking and managing stressors f a c i l i t a t e reduced experiences of anger. Systemic Theorists Systemic theory as elaborated by Bowen (Gilbert, 1992) goes beyond intrapsychic explanations of anger 21 and considers anger a manifestation of tension within a family and most often a multi-generational process. Bowen posits that adults often replay roles adopted i n the family of o r i g i n . Consequently, we i n f l i c t inaccurate perceptions onto our children. To evolve to healthy functioning involves the process of individuation: examining one's role, accepting r e s p o n s i b i l i t y for ourselves, and refusing to blame others. Lerner, a psychologist and author of The Dance of Anger (1985), views anger within a systemic framework. In this review of the l i t e r a t u r e on anger, she i s the only p r a c t i s i n g psychologist and writer who cautions that change i s d i f f i c u l t . When we make a change, we upset the system around us. She advocates making small yet firm changes. Bradshaw (1992), who also draws on systemic theory, writes that unless we are dif f e r e n t i a t e d , we parent i n an enmeshed way. We parent from our defensive childhood stances and cannot be present to our children. Once d i f f e r e n t i a t e d , we need to understand a child' s developmental needs for security, l i m i t s , emotional expression, moral guidance, and exploration. To do a good job parenting, parents need: (a) healthy shame, a place for big mistakes i n the family, laughter for our l i t t l e mistakes; (b) 22 r e a l i s t i c versus i d e a l i s t i c expectations; (c) parental boundaries; (d) consistency and f l e x i b i l i t y ; (e) to see the c h i l d as separate from them; and (f) grace, the a b i l i t y to give for the sake of giving. Both Lerner and Bradshaw f i n d that d i f f e r e n t i a t i o n enables a parent to be more present to the c h i l d , rather than reacting to previous family patterns. Anger, i n the systemic model, i s a manifestation of tension within the family. Anger i s constructive when we use i t to inform ourselves and subsequent actions. D i f f e r e n t i a t i o n , accepting r e s p o n s i b i l i t y , and forgiveness f a c i l i t a t e the constructive use of anger. The Social C o n structivist Perspective James A v e r i l l , a s o c i a l c o g n i t i v i s t researcher, goes beyond the preceding intrapsychic, cognitive, and i n t r a f a m i l i a l systemic interpretations of anger as an individual's choice and r e s p o n s i b i l i t y . A v e r i l l ' s research (1982, 1993) examines anger from a cross-c u l t u r a l and s o c i o l o g i c a l perspective. His studies of anger i n an everyday context contribute to a deeper and nuanced understanding of anger. A v e r i l l contends that aggression i s a learned response and not an innate d i s p o s i t i o n . Cross-cultural studies demonstrate that some societi e s do not express 23 anger or even experience anger i n the same way that we do i n western society. Many examples of cooperative societies ( A v e r i l l , 1982, 1993; Tavris, 1989) weaken the frustration-aggression hypothesis. A v e r i l l provides the following i l l u s t r a t i o n s . Among the Utku, a small group of Canadian Eskimos, there i s no si t u a t i o n that j u s t i f i e s angry feelings or behaviour. Even angry thoughts are believed to have the power to harm, and are strongly discouraged. When frustrated by events, the Utku are more l i k e l y to experience amusement or less appropriately, depression (Briggs, 1970). Similarly, among the Semai, a nonviolent people of Malaysia, there i s no known instance of murder among them. The Samai almost never h i t t h e i r children. Children soon i n t e r n a l i z e nonviolent self-images such as, "I never get angry" (Dentan, 1979, p.61). These studies support the notion that an aggressive response to a provocation i s not a b i o l o g i c a l i n e v i t a b i l i t y . Despite the fact that other societies are less aggressive, we need to understand our own society where we do p h y s i c a l l y s t r i k e children. A v e r i l l contends that we maintain anger and even aggression because i t has a useful function. Both h i s t o r i c a l l y and currently, we shun anger on one hand, yet f i n d i t necessary and useful on the other. We admonish the use 2 4 o f a g g r e s s i o n , y e t w e b e l i e v e t h a t i n c e r t a i n c i r c u m s t a n c e s t h a t a g g r e s s i o n i s w a r r a n t e d o r a t l e a s t e x c u s a b l e . A v e r i l l s u g g e s t s t h a t a n g e r i n w e s t e r n s o c i e t y f u n c t i o n s t o r e i n f o r c e e x p l i c i t a n d t a c i t s o c i o - c u l t u r a l r u l e s , t o h i n d e r c r i m i n a l a c t i v i t y , a n d t o s e t t l e d i s p u t e s t h a t e x c e e d t h e b o u n d a r i e s o f o u r p o l i c e f o r c e a n d j u d i c i a r y . I n t e r p e r s o n a l a n g e r i n f o r m s m e m b e r s t h a t t h e y h a v e b r o k e n a c u l t u r a l n o r m . A v e r i l l r e c o g n i z e s t h a t a n g e r c a n b e e x p r e s s e d v i o l e n t l y ; h o w e v e r , h e a l s o s a y s t h a t w e h a v e a n o b l i g a t i o n t o b e c o m e a n g r y i n t h e a p p r o p r i a t e c i r c u m s t a n c e s ( A v e r i l l , 1 9 8 2 , p . 1 5 2 ) . A v e r i l l t h e r e f o r e v i e w s a n g e r a s a n e c e s s a r y , c o n s t r u c t i v e e m o t i o n . A v e r i l l ( 1 9 8 2 ) c o n d u c t e d f i v e e m p i r i c a l s t u d i e s o n t h e e v e r y d a y e x p e r i e n c e o f a n g e r a s i t i s e x p e r i e n c e d b y t h e a n g r y p e r s o n a n d b y t h e t a r g e t o f a n g e r . A l l t h e s t u d i e s w e r e b a s e d o n d e t a i l e d q u e s t i o n n a i r e s a n d i n v o l v e d u n d e r g r a d u a t e p s y c h o l o g y s t u d e n t s w i t h t h e e x c e p t i o n o f S t u d y 1 w h i c h i n v o l v e d b o t h c o m m u n i t y a n d u n d e r g r a d u a t e s u b j e c t s . W h i l e t h e s e s t u d i e s d o n o t d i r e c t l y a d d r e s s t h e i s s u e o f m a t e r n a l a n g e r , m a n y o f t h e f i n d i n g s i l l u m i n a t e t h e p a r e n t a l e x p e r i e n c e . S t u d y 1 , w h i c h e x a m i n e d a n g e r f r o m t h e p e r s p e c t i v e o f t h e a n g r y p e r s o n , r e v e a l e d t h e f o l l o w i n g : 25 1. The most common target of anger i s a loved one (a parent, spouse, c h i l d , or friend) not a stranger or d i s l i k e d other. A v e r i l l ' s study supports the findings of Hokanson (1970); the target i s l i k e l y to be an equal or someone over whom we have authority. 2. The longer a person i n h i b i t e d the expression of anger, the longer the anger lasted. In other words, the absence of communication prolongs anger. 3. Frustration or an interruption of some ongoing or planned a c t i v i t y was the most frequent p r e c i p i t a t i n g event to arouse anger. The i n s t i g a t i o n to anger i n most cases involved a perceived wrong which was deemed hu r t f u l , u n j u s t i f i e d , or at least preventable. 4. Despite f e e l i n g j u s t i f i e d , the angered person f e l t i r r i t a b l e , depressed, or upset aft e r an incident. The experience of anger often f e l t l i k e a loss of personal control and was sometimes accompanied by loss of behavioral control. 5. Subjects who made some reappraisal rated themselves as less intensely angry, as having experienced anger for a shorter duration and as less l i k e l y to become angry again when thinking about the incident. Reappraisals were more frequent when the offender was a loved one or someone with higher authority. Subjects who made reappraisals were more 26 often constructively motivated. A v e r i l l states that a reappraisal of an i n s t i g a t i o n i s not necessary, nor even desirable i n every instance. Some provocations are c l e a r l y u n j u s t i f i e d and should not be reappraised. A v e r i l l posits that love i s more c l o s e l y associated to anger than love i s to hate. He speculates that the love-anger association may be attributable to (a) close, continual contact with increased chances of provocation, (b) the cumulative and d i s t r e s s i n g nature of transgressions, (c) a strong motivation to change the loved one, and (d) given the knowledge of what to expect from loved ones, increased confidence i n the a b i l i t y to express anger concomitant with decreased i n h i b i t i o n i n the expression of anger. In Study 1, A v e r i l l also examined the responses people made while angry, both the impulse and the actual response. Both aggressive and nonaggressive impulses occurred during the same incident. The study found: 1. An aggressive impulse (verbal, denial of benefit, or physical aggression) i s almost universal; 80% of the aggressive impulses were acted on. Angry behaviour was communicated to targets 73% of the time. 2. Verbal/gestural aggression occurred i n 49% of the episodes and di r e c t physical aggression occurred i n 2 7 1 0 % . P h y s i c a l a g g r e s s i o n i s t h e r e f o r e m u c h l e s s c o m m o n t h a n v e r b a l a g g r e s s i o n . 3 . N o n a g g r e s s i v e r e s p o n s e s , ( e n g a g i n g i n c a l m i n g a c t i v i t i e s , t a l k i n g a b o u t t h e i n c i d e n t w i t h a n e u t r a l p a r t y o r t h e o f f e n d e r , o r e n g a g i n g i n a c t i v i t i e s o p p o s i t e t o t h e i n s t i g a t i o n o f a n g e r ) a l s o o c c u r r e d 7 5 % o f t h e t i m e . 4 . D e s p i t e l a b e l l i n g t h e e m o t i o n a l e x p e r i e n c e n e g a t i v e , s u b j e c t s r a t e d t h e o v e r a l l e x p e r i e n c e a s b e n e f i c i a l r a t h e r t h a n h a r m f u l a t a r a t i o o f 2 . 5 : 1 . A n i n c i d e n t w a s j u d g e d b e n e f i c i a l i f i t ( a ) g o t t h e i n s t i g a t o r t o c h a n g e h i s / h e r a t t i t u d e s a n d b e h a v i o u r , (b ) i n c r e a s e d m u t u a l u n d e r s t a n d i n g , o r ( c ) i n c r e a s e d t h e a n g r y p e r s o n ' s a w a r e n e s s o f h i s / h e r s t r e n g t h s . A v e r i l l ' s s t u d y d e m o n s t r a t e s t h a t b o t h a g g r e s s i v e a n d n o n a g g r e s s i v e i m p u l s e s c a n a r i s e d u r i n g a n a n g e r -p r o v o k i n g i n c i d e n t . T h e c o e x i s t e n c e o f a g g r e s s i v e a n d n o n a g g r e s s i v e i m p u l s e s i s a n e n c o u r a g i n g f i n d i n g . S a d l y , i t i s o f t e n n e g l e c t e d i n s t u d i e s o n a g g r e s s i o n a s t h e f o c u s o f t h e r e s e a r c h i s o n t h e a g g r e s s i v e a c t . S t u d y 2 e x a m i n e d a n g e r f r o m t h e v i e w p o i n t o f t h e t a r g e t o f a n g e r . S u r p r i s i n g l y , t h e t a r g e t s a l s o e v a l u a t e d a n a n g r y e p i s o d e i n 50% o f t h e e p i s o d e s a s b e n e f i c i a l , a l t h o u g h t h e y v i e w e d t h e a n g r y p e r s o n a s b e i n g l e s s c o n t r o l l e d a n d m o r e s e l f i s h l y m o t i v a t e d t h a n 28 t h e a n g r y p e r s o n s e v a l u a t e d t h e m s e l v e s . T h e r e f o r e , t a r g e t s a n d t h e a n g r y p e r s o n r a t e s o m e a n g r y e p i s o d e s a s a b e n e f i c i a l y e t u n p l e a s a n t e x p e r i e n c e . A v e r i l l c a t e g o r i z e s a n g e r i n t o t h r e e g r o u p s : m a l e v o l e n t , c o n s t r u c t i v e , a n d f r a c t i o u s . M a l e v o l e n t a n g e r h a s a s i t s o b j e c t i v e t o e x p r e s s d i s l i k e a n d t o b r e a k o f f a r e l a t i o n s h i p . C o n s t r u c t i v e a n g e r h a s t h e d e s i r e n o t t o h a r m o r i n f l i c t p a i n b u t t o s t r e n g t h e n t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h t h e i n s t i g a t o r a l t h o u g h t h e u n d e r l y i n g m o t i v e s c a n b e b o t h s e l f - c e n t r e d a n d a l t r u i s t i c . F r a c t i o u s a n g e r i s a d i f f u s e r e s p o n s e w h e r e t h e a n g r y p e r s o n l e t s o f f s t e a m ; i t h a s l e s s t o d o w i t h t h e i n s t i g a t o r t h a n w i t h p e r s o n a l f r u s t r a t i o n s . A v e r i l l p r o p o s e s t h a t w e v i e w a n g e r a s a m e t h o d o f p r o b l e m - s o l v i n g b u t p r o b l e m - s o l v i n g w i t h a c o m m i t m e n t t o a c t i o n s h o u l d t h e i n s t i g a t i n g c o n d i t i o n s p e r s i s t . H e o f f e r s t h e r e a d e r t w o a n a l o g i e s f o r a n g e r . F i r s t , a n g e r i s l i k e p h y s i c a l p a i n t h a t s i g n a l s i m p o r t a n t i n f o r m a t i o n t o o u r b o d i e s . S e c o n d , a n g e r i s l i k e b a d t a s t i n g m e d i c i n e t h a t g e n e r a l l y p r o d u c e s b e n e f i c i a l e f f e c t s i f u s e d a p p r o p r i a t e l y . T h e r e f o r e , a n g e r c a n b e u s e d c o n s t r u c t i v e l y a n d c o m m u n i c a t i n g a n g e r a p p e a r s t o f a c i l i t a t e i t s c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e . A t t a c h m e n t T h e o r y B o w l b y ' s (1988) a t t a c h m e n t t h e o r y a l s o a w a r d s 2 9 a n g e r a c o n s t r u c t i v e f u n c t i o n . B o w l b y ' s r e s e a r c h f o c u s e d o n t h e p r i m a r y c a r e g i v e r / i n f a n t r e l a t i o n s h i p . B o w l b y s t u d i e d i n f a n t d e v e l o p m e n t a n d a t t a c h m e n t p a t t e r n s . H e p o s i t s t h a t i n f a n t s d i s p l a y b e h a v i o u r s t o o b t a i n a n d m a i n t a i n t h e c a r e g i v e r ' s p r o x i m i t y . H e o b s e r v e d t h a t i n f a n t s w h o w e r e s e p a r a t e d f r o m t h e i r p a r e n t s w o u l d g e n e r a l l y f o l l o w t h e s a m e s e q u e n c e o f b e h a v i o u r : p r o t e s t , d e s p a i r , a n d d e t a c h m e n t . A b a n d o n m e n t o r t h r e a t s o f a b a n d o n m e n t c r e a t e i n t e n s e a n x i e t y a n d t h e y a r o u s e a n g e r b e c a u s e t h e s i t u a t i o n r e p r e s e n t s i n c r e a s e d r i s k f o r t h e i n f a n t . A n g e r ' s f u n c t i o n i s t o d i s s u a d e t h e a t t a c h m e n t f i g u r e ( u s u a l l y a m o t h e r f i g u r e ) f r o m c a r r y i n g o u t t h e t h r e a t . A n g e r w i t h i n a t t a c h m e n t c o n c e p t u a l i z a t i o n i s c o n s t r u c t i v e b e c a u s e i t h e l p s t h e i n f a n t s e c u r e t h e p r e s e n c e o f a p r i m a r y c a r e g i v e r w h i c h i n t u r n g i v e s t h e c h i l d a s e c u r e b a s e f r o m w h i c h t o e x p l o r e t h e w o r l d . S u m m a r y M a n y u s e f u l i n s i g h t s c a n b e g a r n e r e d f r o m t h e p r e c e d i n g t h e o r i e s . F i r s t , a l t h o u g h c a t h a r s i s i s o f t e n i n s u f f i c i e n t i n i t s e l f , a l l t h e t h e o r i e s s e e m t o f a v o u r s o m e s o r t o f e x p r e s s i o n o f a n g e r . E v e n T a v r i s , w h o a d v o c a t e s s u p p r e s s i o n o f a n g e r i n m a n y i n s t a n c e s , b e l i e v e s t h a t t h e i d e n t i f i c a t i o n o f u n d e r l y i n g n e e d s a n d t h e n c o m m u n i c a t i o n o f t h e s e n e e d s i n a 30 nonthreatening way i s a constructive use of anger. A v e r i l l (1982, 1993) and Tavris (1989) stress that anger finds meaning within a s o c i a l context; i t i s an interpersonal emotion involving a judgment that some harm has been done. Lerner, (1985), McKay et a l . (1989), and Tavris (1989) stress that we have choice i n how to respond to an anger-provoking incident; emotions should inform but not drive our actions. As parents, we cannot adhere to the myths that anger i s biochemically determined, i n s t i n c t u a l , or a r e s u l t of f r u s t r a t i o n . Berkowitz (1993) , however, contends that when fr u s t r a t i o n i s s u f f i c i e n t , we become angry and s t r i k e out. A v e r i l l ' s research (19 82) found that indeed f r u s t r a t i o n or interruption of some ongoing or planned a c t i v i t y was the most frequent i n s t i g a t i o n to anger. However, f r u s t r a t i o n alone seems to be an i n s u f f i c i e n t condition for anger. Frustration must be accompanied by a perception of wrongdoing as well. A v e r i l l would support the description of Clore et a l . (1993) that anger results from feelings of both displeasure and disapproval. A v e r i l l ' s studies confirm that nonaggressive impulses often accompany aggressive impulses. His studies support the theorization of Bandura (1973) that 31 cognitions have both a creative as well as i n h i b i t i v e function. From the preceding theories, there i s support for the concept of using anger constructively. I t appears there i s evidence that anger can inform us of c o n f l i c t i n g needs or that our c h i l d i s transgressing an expectation. On a broader context, anger i s constructive because i t motivates action and i t functions to uphold s o c i o - c u l t u r a l standards. S p e c i f i c a l l y , i n the moment of anger, anger can be used constructively when we become aware of our f e e l i n g , express i t , and then act i n a way that resolves the problem. The theories vary on how best to express anger and how much anger i s within our control. Bach and Goldberg (1974) contend that constructive resolution comes once we f u l l y experience the emotion and recognize i t s i r r a t i o n a l i t y . Cognitive theorists (McKay et a l . , 1989; Tavris, 1989) say that constructive anger results from recognizing the emotion but avoiding aggressive acts. We are to act r a t i o n a l l y to address underlying needs. Implicit i n this understanding i s that the person who becomes angry needs to possess self-awareness and active decision-making i n the moment of anger. We are the observing 32 and r a t i o n a l s c i e n t i s t , using information to interact dispassionately. Social c o g n i t i v i s t s , such as A v e r i l l (1982) might encourage parents to accept anger rather than distance themselves from i t . Anger serves a useful and necessary function within our society. Children use anger constructively to maintain a caregiver's proximity (Bowlby, 19 88). Adults use anger constructively to correct a perceived wrong. We have a duty to become angry i n some instances. In fact, we are going to become angry most often with a loved one because we want to change his or her behaviour and to improve the re l a t i o n s h i p . A v e r i l l i s a reporter rather than an i d e a l i s t . His view i s : everybody experiences anger, one should get angry sometimes, children need to f i n d out about the expectations that t h e i r parents and society have of them. As a reporter, he does not t e l l us the how to express this anger. Feminist Perspectives The feminist perspective takes a s o c i o l o g i c a l viewpoint and addresses gender issues. This viewpoint may help us to understand maternal anger better and to f i n d ways of expressing anger. Writers such as Bernardez (1988), Lerner (1989), and M i l l e r and Surrey (1990) suggest society has 33 gender-biased expectations about anger. Men are permitted to express anger aggressively and women are taught to suppress i t . While t h i s thesis i s extremely pervasive, research reviews conducted by Tavris (1989) and a study conducted by A v e r i l l (1982) do not support these broad claims. Women tend to become angry as often and for the same reasons men do. Outside the home, men tend to show anger to strangers and to behave more aggressively to them than women do. However within the home, women are just as l i k e l y as men to express anger aggressively. Tavris does not dismiss c h i l d and spousal abuse, but suggests that this violence may be attri b u t a b l e to status differences between men and women and not to b i o l o g i c a l gender differences. Like A v e r i l l , M i l l e r and Surrey (1990) encourage readers to distinguish anger from aggression. The intent to be destructive to others or to control others through force defines aggression. Aggression may or may not follow from anger. Anger i s a painful emotion, yet a necessary part of the movement of a relationship. They encourage women to view anger as a resource that enables them to express anger and to seek change. They discourage d i s t o r t i n g anger or simply venting i t . M i l l e r and Surrey believe that mothers suffer under a 34 c u l t u r a l i d e a l w h i c h i m p o s e s t h e i m a g e o f " t h e g o o d m o t h e r " w h o o n l y n u r t u r e s . T h e y e n c o u r a g e m o t h e r s t o f i n d w a y s t o e x p r e s s b o t h l o v e a n d a n g e r . T h e y s u g g e s t t h a t a m o t h e r c a n b e b o t h e m p a t h i c a n d a n g r y . C o w a r d ( 1 9 9 2 ) e x a m i n e s c u r r e n t i d e o l o g y t h a t m a y a c c o u n t f o r t h e a n g e r m o t h e r s f e e l . S h e i n t e r v i e w e d m o t h e r s b e t w e e n 1 9 9 0 a n d 1 9 9 1 . S h e f o u n d t h a t t h e i d e a l o f t h e g o o d m o t h e r h a s s h i f t e d s i n c e t h e 1 9 5 0 s . I n t h e 19 5 0 s , t h e g o o d m o t h e r s t a y e d h o m e , m a d e g o o d m e a l s , a n d a t t e n d e d t o t h e n e e d s o f t h e f a m i l y . S h e w a s p h y s i c a l l y p r e s e n t . F e m i n i s t i d e a l s c h a l l e n g e d t h i s r o l e w h e r e t h e m o t h e r o n l y e x i s t e d a s a n e x t e n s i o n o f t h e f a m i l y a n d d i d n o t h a v e a n i d e n t i t y h e r s e l f . C o w a r d f o u n d t h a t m o t h e r s n o w h a v e a f a r m o r e d e m a n d i n g i n t e r n a l i d e a l . T h i s i d e a l p r o m o t e s t h e g o o d m o t h e r w h o d e v o t e s h e r s e l f t o h e r c h i l d r e n f u l f i l l i n g t h e i r p s y c h o l o g i c a l a n d i n t e l l e c t u a l n e e d s . M a n y m o t h e r s w h o w e r e i n t e r v i e w e d b e l i e v e d t h e i d e a l m o t h e r t o b e t h e o n e w h o n u r t u r e s a n d p l a n s c r e a t i v e t a s k s f o r h e r c h i l d r e n . E s p e c i a l l y m i d d l e - c l a s s m o t h e r s b e l i e v e d t h a t t h e y h a d t o e d u c a t e t h e i r c h i l d r e n e a r l y s o t h a t t h e y c o u l d m e e t t h e c h a l l e n g e s o f a c o m p e t i t i v e w o r l d . C o w a r d c o n c l u d e s t h a t c o n t e m p o r a r y m o t h e r h o o d i s c o m p l e x a n d b u r d e n s o m e a n d i t f a i l s t o a d d r e s s t h e d r u d g e r y a n d r o u t i n e i s s u e s o f p a r e n t i n g . S h e w r i t e s 35 t h a t m o s t m o t h e r s b e l i e v e t h a t i f t h e y c o u l d b e c o m e a g o o d e n o u g h m o t h e r t h a t t h e y c o u l d r i s e a b o v e " b a d -t e m p e r e d s u r v i v a l t o i d y l l i c p e a c e . " M o s t w o m e n f e e l h u r t b e c a u s e t h e y f a l l s h o r t o f t h e i r i d e a l . M a n y a r e b a d - t e m p e r e d a n d s h o u t a t t h e i r k i d s . C o w a r d b e l i e v e s t h a t w e m a y h a v e s w u n g t o o f a r . T h e m o t h e r , m o r e t h a n e v e r , i s b e c o m i n g t h e m a n a g e r o f h e r c h i l d ' s s u c c e s s . P r e v i o u s l y , o t h e r i n s t i t u t i o n s s u c h a s t h e c h u r c h a n d p u b l i c l y f u n d e d s c h o o l i n g s h a r e d t h i s t a s k . P r e v i o u s l y , w o m e n w e r e s o m e t i m e s e n s l a v e d t o t h e i r h u s b a n d s ; n o w t h e y r i s k b e i n g e n s l a v e d t o t h e i r c h i l d r e n w h e r e f e e l i n g s o f c o m p e t i t i v e n e s s a n d a n x i e t y c a n b e c o m e c o n f u s e d . C o w a r d s u g g e s t s t h a t m o t h e r s n e e d t o m e e t t h e r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s o f r a i s i n g c h i l d r e n a n d t h e y n e e d t o a t t e n d t o t h e i r o w n n e e d s . S u m m a r y S o m e f e m i n i s t a u t h o r s a d o p t c o m m o n l y h e l d , b u t d e c e p t i v e b e l i e f s , e . g . , t h a t w o m e n s u p p r e s s a n g e r r a t h e r t h a n e x p r e s s i t . T h i s l i t e r a t u r e r e v i e w d o e s n o t c o n f i r m t h i s t h e s i s . Women d o e x p r e s s a n g e r a s o f t e n a s m e n d o , a l t h o u g h d i f f e r e n t l y . W i t h i n t h e h o m e , w o m e n t e n d t o e x p r e s s a n g e r j u s t a s o f t e n . A n g e r m a y b e t h e b y - p r o d u c t o f u n r e a l i s t i c i d e a l s . T h e a b i l i t y t o v i e w a n g e r a s a r e s o u r c e w o u l d b e c o n s t r u c t i v e . R e a l i s t i c e x p e c t a t i o n s o f t h e b u r d e n s o f 36 m o t h e r h o o d a n d a b e l i e f t h a t a m o t h e r c a n b e b o t h e m p a t h i c a n d a n g r y m a y f a c i l i t a t e t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r . P a r e n t E d u c a t i o n P r o g r a m s P a r e n t e d u c a t i o n p r o g r a m s a n d b o o k s a b o u n d t o d a y . T h e r e s u l t a n t b o d y o f l i t e r a t u r e i s i m p o r t a n t t o t h i s s t u d y f o r s e v e r a l r e a s o n s . F i r s t , p a r e n t e d u c a t i o n l i t e r a t u r e a l s o c r e a t e s i d e a l s f o r p a r e n t s t o e m u l a t e . S e c o n d , m a n y o f t h e m o t h e r s i n t e r v i e w e d r e f e r r e d t o l e a d i n g a u t h o r s i n t h e f i e l d . T h i r d , d i s c i p l i n a r y a p p r o a c h e s a d v o c a t e d i n t h e v a r i o u s p r o g r a m s d i r e c t l y a n d i n d i r e c t l y i n f l u e n c e o u r u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f a n g e r i n t h e m o t h e r - c h i l d r e l a t i o n s h i p . C a t a l d o ( 1 9 8 7 ) , a n a u t h o r a n d e a r l y c h i l d h o o d e d u c a t o r , c a t e g o r i z e s p a r e n t i n g p r o g r a m s i n t o f o u r g r o u p s b a s e d o n t h e f o c u s o f i n t e r v e n t i o n f o r i n f l u e n c i n g a c h i l d ' s b e h a v i o u r : ( a ) s o c i a l s k i l l s , ( b ) b e h a v i o u r c o n t r o l a n d u s e o f a u t h o r i t y , c ) e m o t i o n s , a n d (d ) c h i l d ' s p l a y a n d e n v i r o n m e n t . M o s t p a r e n t i n g p r o g r a m s f o l l o w a s i m i l a r f o r m a t : a t h e o r e t i c a l s t r u c t u r e , s u g g e s t i o n s , a n d e x p l a n a t i o n s . T h e g o a l o f t h e p r o g r a m s i s t o i m p r o v e p a r e n t - c h i l d r e l a t i o n s h i p s . S o c i a l S k i l l P r o g r a m s T h e f i r s t c a t e g o r y , s o c i a l s k i l l s , e n c o m p a s s e s p r o g r a m s t h a t e m p h a s i z e v a l u e s c l a r i f i c a t i o n , d e c i s i o n -37 m a k i n g , c o n f l i c t r e s o l u t i o n , a n d p r o b l e m - s o l v i n g . A l l t h e s e p r o g r a m s f o c u s o n i d e n t i f y i n g t h e p r o b l e m a n d t h e n d e c i d i n g h o w t o i n f l u e n c e t h e s o c i a l i n t e r a c t i o n p o s i t i v e l y . T h e f o l l o w i n g s e c t i o n d e s c r i b e s t h e c o n f l i c t r e s o l u t i o n m o d e l o n l y a n d i s m e a n t t o b e g e n e r a l l y i l l u s t r a t i v e o f t h e o t h e r a p p r o a c h e s . O n e o f t h e a p p e a l i n g f e a t u r e s o f t h e c o n f l i c t r e s o l u t i o n l i t e r a t u r e i s t h a t t h e p r o b l e m i s o f t e n s t a t e d i n m o r e e x p l i c i t y e t n e u t r a l t e r m s t h a n m a n y o t h e r p a r e n t i n g a p p r o a c h e s . C o n f l i c t i s d e f i n e d a s t h e o p p o s i t i o n o f n e e d s , v a l u e s , w i s h e s , o r p e r c e p t i o n s r e s u l t i n g i n s t r e s s o r t e n s i o n ( G o v o r c h i n , 1 9 9 0 ) . T h e c o s t s o f a v o i d i n g c o n f l i c t a r e : ( a ) r e s e n t m e n t s t h a t b u i l d u p a n d p e r h a p s e x p l o d e , (b ) d i s p l a c e d f e e l i n g s , a n d ( c ) d i s c o n t e n t . T h e m o d e l i s e x p l i c i t a b o u t t h e p o s i t i v e o r c o n s t r u c t i v e f u n c t i o n s o f c o n f l i c t . C o n f l i c t s c r e a t e o p p o r t u n i t i e s f o r : ( a ) p r o b l e m s t o b e a i r e d a n d r e s o l v e d , (b ) p e r s o n a l c h a n g e , ( c ) s t a n d a r d s t o b e a d j u s t e d t o n e w s i t u a t i o n s , ( d ) r e s o l u t i o n t h a t c a n p r e v e n t e s c a l a t i o n t o m o r e s e r i o u s c o n f l i c t s , ( e ) a s e a r c h f o r n e w f a c t s a n d s o l u t i o n s t o p r o b l e m s . C o n f l i c t s c a n a r i s e w h e n : ( a ) g o a l s d i f f e r , ( b ) p e r c e p t i o n s a b o u t t h e p r o b l e m / s i t u a t i o n d i f f e r , ( c ) e m o t i o n a l n e e d s c l a s h , (d ) a m b i g u o u s r o l e s a n d b o u n d a r i e s e x i s t , o r ( e ) d i f f e r i n g w a y s o f b e h a v i n g 38 e x i s t . T h e c o n f l i c t r e s o l u t i o n m o d e l ( G o v o r c h i n , 1 9 9 0 ) r e c o g n i z e s t h a t t h e r e a r e m a n y i n t e r r e l a t e d e l e m e n t s i n a c o n f l i c t . E m o t i o n s , p o w e r , b e h a v i o u r , t i m e d e m a n d s , s e t t i n g , v a l u e s , s t r e s s , a n d e x p e c t a t i o n s h a v e a n i m p a c t u p o n a n y g i v e n s i t u a t i o n . T h e e s c a l a t i o n o r d e -e s c a l a t i o n o f e a c h e l e m e n t h a s a c o m p o u n d i n g e f f e c t o n t h e o t h e r s . F o r e x a m p l e , a m o t h e r w h o i s i n t e r a c t i n g w i t h h e r c h i l d m a y b e u n d e r a t i m e d e m a n d w h i c h m a y i n t e n s i f y e m o t i o n s , r a i s e e x p e c t a t i o n s , a n d a l t e r b e h a v i o u r . N o t o n l y a r e t h e e l e m e n t s o f t h e s i t u a t i o n i m p o r t a n t , b u t s o i s t h e s e t t i n g . E a c h s e t t i n g p r e s e n t s b e h a v i o r a l c o n s t r a i n t s a n d f r e e d o m s t h a t d i r e c t l y a f f e c t o t h e r f a c t o r s . T h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r w i t h i n t h e c o n f l i c t r e s o l u t i o n a p p r o a c h i n v o l v e s d e f i n i n g n e e d s , m a n a g i n g o n e ' s a n g e r a n d i m p u l s e s , a n d e n g a g i n g i n c o o l - h e a d e d p r o b l e m - s o l v i n g . V e r b a l a g g r e s s i o n , i m p u t i n g b l a m e , a n d t h e u s e o f f o r c e a r e s e e n a s h i n d e r i n g t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n o f a n g e r . T h e p a r e n t a n d c h i l d a r e t o g e n e r a t e a l t e r n a t i v e s j o i n t l y , s e l e c t o n e , a n d e v a l u a t e i t s e f f e c t i v e n e s s . I f t h e a c t i o n s e l e c t e d i s i n e f f e c t i v e , a n o t h e r i s t o b e s e l e c t e d . B e h a v i o r a l A p p r o a c h e s T h e s e c o n d c a t e g o r y o f p a r e n t e d u c a t i o n p r o g r a m s , 39 behaviour control and uses of authority, focuses on bringing behaviour into l i n e with standards set by the parent. Behaviour modification, l o g i c a l consequences (Dinkmeyer & McKay, 1976; Dreikurs & Soltz, 1964; Popkin, 1987), and assertiveness t r a i n i n g (Silberman & Wheelan, 1980) are examples of this category. Some authoritarian approaches (Dobson, 1970; 1978) advocate building a warm, po s i t i v e relationship, but when a c h i l d c l e a r l y i s defiant to administer a controlled and planned spanking to reassert parental authority. This view i s by f a r a minority view i n the parenting l i t e r a t u r e . Other behavioral approaches do not advocate spanking or h i t t i n g children. They advocate using other techniques such as rewarding po s i t i v e behaviour, i d e n t i f y i n g a child's goal, responding to the child ' s need, and resolving issues during family meetings. As i n the c o n f l i c t resolution model, the parent i s to remain a neutral advisor who allows the "natural" or imposed consequence to occur and does not remedy the si t u a t i o n . The consequence i s seen as punishing. Although parental anger i s embedded i n the i l l u s t r a t i v e s t o r i e s , anger i s ra r e l y d i r e c t l y discussed (Dreikurs & Soltz, 1964). There i s the assumption that we can and w i l l control our anger. Approaches founded on Adlerian 40 p r i n c i p l e s advise that when we f e e l angry, we are to use this f e e l i n g to i d e n t i f y a chil d ' s mistaken goal of revenge. Popkin (1987) advices: "Remove yourself from the c o n f l i c t . Talk about i t aft e r a cooling off period. Don't fi g h t and don't give i n . Take s a i l out of wind." (p. 54). Behavioral approaches encourage parents to adopt a cool, r a t i o n a l approach to managing thei r children's behaviour. In sum, clear thinking w i l l get you through a c o n f l i c t ; the dispassionate s c i e n t i s t can p r e v a i l . Coloroso (1994) i s currently one of the most well-known parent educators i n the U.S.A. and i n Canada. Her advice combines the problem-solving and l o g i c a l consequences approach. She begins by t e l l i n g parents to expect c o n f l i c t . To manage c o n f l i c t , we need to both model and teach our c h i l d problem-solving s k i l l s . When they are confronted by an unreasonable c h i l d , Coloroso t e l l s parents to: (a) show the c h i l d what he/she has done wrong, (b) give the c h i l d ownership of the problem, (c) help him/her f i n d ways to solve the problem, (d) most important, leave the child ' s dignity i n t a c t . S p e c i f i c a l l y when angry, parents are to engage in assertive confrontation (pp. 88, 95): 1. When upset or angry, say so i n an upset of angry tone of voice. Let your whole body speak those 4 1 f e e l i n g s i n a n a s s e r t i v e , : w a y . D o n ' t p u t y o u r f e e l i n g s o n i c e . C l o s e t h e t i m e g a p b e t w e e n t h e h u r t a n d t h e e x p r e s s i o n o f t h a t h u r t . 2 . D o s o m e t h i n g r e s p o n s i b l e a n d p u r p o s e f u l t o a d d r e s s t h o s e f e e l i n g s . T e l l t h e o t h e r p e r s o n a b o u t y o u r f e e l i n g s . " I ' m a n g r y . " 3 . M a k e a s s e r t i v e c o m m e n t s . "I c a n h a n d l e t h i s . " 4 . S t a t e y o u r b e l i e f ; a v o i d i n s u l t s . " I b e l i e v e e a c h o n e o f u s n e e d s t o p i c k u p h i s / h e r o w n c l o t h e s . " 5 . S t a t e w h a t y o u w a n t . 6 . L i s t e n t o t h e o t h e r p e r s o n ' s v i e w p o i n t . A c k n o w l e d g e y o u r c h i l d ' s f e e l i n g s w i t h o u t p a s s i n g j u d g e m e n t . 7 . N e g o t i a t e a m u t u a l l y a c c e p t a b l e s o l u t i o n . S h e g o e s o n t o s a y t h a t p a r e n t s c a n e x p e c t t o l o s e c o n t r o l s o m e t i m e s . I f s o , w a l k a w a y , c a l m y o u r s e l f , a n d a d m i t t h a t y o u d i d n ' t h a n d l e t h e s i t u a t i o n w e l l . D e a l w i t h t h e s i t u a t i o n . C o l o r o s o i s o n e o f t h e f e w w r i t e r s w h o e n c o u r a g e s p a r e n t s t o e x p r e s s t h e i r a n g e r , t o m a t c h b o d y a n d t o n e w h e n c o m m u n i c a t i n g o u r m e s s a g e . S h e d i s c o u r a g e s w i t h d r a w i n g i n t o a c o o l r a t i o n a l i s m . I n s t e a d , w e a r e t o a s s e r t i v e l y c o n f r o n t o u r c h i l d . H u m a n i s t i c A p p r o a c h e s T h e t h i r d c a t e g o r y o f p a r e n t e d u c a t i o n p r o g r a m s 42 emphasize understanding emotions to influence behaviour. These programs are derived from the Humanistic School as elaborated by Rogers (1951). Both the parent and c h i l d are allowed to experience and express emotion. Approaches developed i n the 1970s such as Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T. - Gordon, 1970; 1976) focused on communication s k i l l s . During a l l interactions the parent i s to maintain p o s i t i v e regard toward the c h i l d . In general, the parent i s to l i s t e n a c t i v e l y , use congruent "I-Messages", empathize, and resolve c o n f l i c t s i n family meetings. Instead of venting anger, parents are to report anger by l a b e l l i n g the underlying need. For example, instead of saying "I'm angry," say, "When you stare at Frank, I get upset and unhappy because his crying and screaming interferes with what I am doing" (Gordon, 1976, p. 155). Gordon views anger as a secondary emotion which follows on the heels of a primary fe e l i n g , e.g., fear, embarrassment, hurt, or disappointment. Power assertion and verbal or physical aggression are not recommended. Even deli v e r i n g a message i n an angry tone i s seen as punishing. Gordon feels that solutions follow the i d e n t i f i c a t i o n of needs. The underlying assumption i s 43 t h a t a p a r e n t w h o b e c o m e s s k i l l e d e n o u g h a t i d e n t i f y i n g e m o t i o n s w i l l b e a b l e t o s h o r t - c i r c u i t a n g e r . W i t h i n t h e P . E . T . p r o g r a m , a n g e r i s c o n s t r u c t i v e i n t h a t i t a l e r t s t h e p a r e n t t o h i s / h e r p r i m a r y f e e l i n g s . H o w e v e r , i n t e r a c t i o n s w i t h c h i l d r e n a r e t o b e w i t h o u t a n g e r . S u b s e q u e n t h u m a n i s t i c a p p r o a c h e s ( F a b e r & M a z l i s h , 1 9 7 5 , 1 9 8 0 ; G i n o t t , 1 9 6 5 ; S a m a l i n & W h i t n e y , 1 9 9 1 ) a t t e m p t t o m a i n t a i n p o s i t i v e r e g a r d a n d t h e s e l f - e s t e e m o f t h e c h i l d b u t g o f u r t h e r . T h e y s u g g e s t w a y s o f i m p o s i n g l i m i t s . T h e y e m p h a s i z e t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f a c k n o w l e d g i n g o n e ' s o w n f e e l i n g s a n d a c h i l d ' s f e e l i n g s . A c h i l d ' s p o s i t i v e a n d n e g a t i v e f e e l i n g s a r e a c c e p t e d b u t t h e b e h a v i o u r f a l l s w i t h i n a p p r o v e d , u n a c c e p t a b l e o r q u e s t i o n a b l e z o n e s o p e n t o l i m i t -s e t t i n g . F a b e r a n d M a z l i s h ( 1 9 7 5 ) , f o r e x a m p l e , e n c o u r a g e t h e p a r e n t t o d e s c r i b e w h a t t h e y f e e l a n d s t a t e t h e e x p e c t e d b e h a v i o u r . I f n e c e s s a r y , w e a r e t o i m p o s e a t i m e - o u t . F o r l o n g - s t a n d i n g i s s u e s , t h e y s u g g e s t p r o b l e m - s o l v i n g . S a m a l i n , a u t h o r o f L o v e a n d A n g e r : T h e P a r e n t a l D i l e m m a . c l o s e l y e x a m i n e s a n g e r i n t h e p a r e n t - c h i l d r e l a t i o n s h i p . S h e h a s t a u g h t p a r e n t i n g c o u r s e s o v e r 1 5 y e a r s a n d i n h e r e x p e r i e n c e , l o v i n g a c h i l d i s n o t e n o u g h . S h e b e l i e v e s t h a t w e a l l n e e d p o s i t i v e 44 t e c h n i q u e s , b u t w e a l s o n e e d t o k n o w w h e n t o i m p o s e l i m i t s . H a v i n g l i s t e n e d t o p a r e n t s t o r i e s o v e r m a n y y e a r s , s h e h a s f o u n d s e v e r a l p a t t e r n s . F i r s t , e v e r y o n e g e t s a n g r y , b u t i t i s h a r d f o r p a r e n t s t o a c c e p t t h e i n t e n s i t y o f n e g a t i v e f e e l i n g s t o w a r d t h e c h i l d r e n t h a t t h e y l o v e a n d a r e s u p p o s e d t o p r o t e c t . S e c o n d , p a r e n t s h a v e t h e c a p a c i t y t o a c t f r o m u n c o n t r o l l e d r a g e , t o s a y a n d d o t h i n g s t h a t t h e y l a t e r r e g r e t a n d f e e l g u i l t y a b o u t . I n r a g e , p a r e n t s a r e l i k e l y t o w a n t t o h u r t o r t a k e r e v e n g e o n t h e i r c h i l d . T h i r d , i f p a r e n t s h a v e l o s t c o n t r o l , t h e y f e a r l o s i n g i t a g a i n . F o u r t h , s o m e t i m e s p a r e n t s e x p e r i e n c e g u i l t o v e r e v e n h a v i n g a n g r y f e e l i n g s . S a m a l i n ' s g o a l i s t o n o t t o e l i m i n a t e a n g r y f e e l i n g s , b u t t o h e l p p a r e n t s e x p r e s s a n g e r w i t h o u t h u r t i n g t h e i r c h i l d o r a t t a c k i n g t h e c h i l d ' s s e l f -e s t e e m . S h e s u g g e s t s t h a t s h a r i n g o u r s t r u g g l e w i t h a n g e r i s o n e o f t h e m o s t v a l u a b l e w a y s o f h e l p i n g o n e a n o t h e r . S p e c i f i c a l l y , i n t h e m o m e n t o f a n g e r , s h e s u g g e s t s e i g h t s t r a t e g i e s t o h a n d l e a n g e r c o n s t r u c t i v e l y : ( a ) e x i t o r w a i t , ( b ) u s e " I " n o t " Y o u " s t a t e m e n t s , ( c ) s t a y i n t h e p r e s e n t , (d ) a v o i d p h y s i c a l f o r c e a n d t h r e a t s , ( e ) s t a y s h o r t a n d t o t h e p o i n t , ( f ) p u t i t i n w r i t i n g , ( f ) f o c u s o n t h e e s s e n t i a l , a n d (g ) r e s t o r e g o o d f e e l i n g s . S h e i s o n e 45 o f t h e f e w a u t h o r s t o b e e x p l i c i t a b o u t t h e r e s t o r a t i o n o f g o o d f e e l i n g s . S a m a l i n e n c o u r a g e s t h e p a r e n t t o f e e l a n g e r f u l l y b u t t o d e v e l o p a l t e r n a t i v e r e s p o n s e s . A n g e r i s c o n s t r u c t i v e i n h e r v i e w i n t h a t i t s i g n a l s t h a t s o m e t h i n g i s n o t r i g h t . I t c a n b e c o m e a t o o l t o l e a r n m o r e a b o u t o u r o w n a n d o u r c h i l d r e n ' s d e e p l y f e l t n e e d s . D e v e l o p m e n t a l A p p r o a c h e s T h e f o u r t h a n d f i n a l c a t e g o r y o f p a r e n t e d u c a t i o n p r o g r a m s e n c o m p a s s e s d e v e l o p m e n t a l l y b a s e d a p p r o a c h e s . A r i s i n g o u t o f t h e r e s e a r c h o f d e v e l o p m e n t a l p s y c h o l o g i s t s s u c h a s E r i k s o n , M a s l o w , a n d B o w l b y , t h e s e a p p r o a c h e s l o o k a t a d j u s t i n g t h e e n v i r o n m e n t t o m a t c h a c h i l d ' s d e v e l o p m e n t a l n e e d s , t h e r e b y r e d u c i n g f r u s t r a t i o n b o t h f o r t h e c h i l d a n d t h e p a r e n t . F o r e x a m p l e , L e a c h ( 1 9 8 9 ) a d v i s e s p a r e n t s h o w b e s t t o m e e t a c h i l d ' s p h y s i c a l a n d p s y c h o l o g i c a l n e e d s - - f r o m c h o o s i n g f o o d , s e t t i n g s l e e p p a t t e r n s , t o i l e t t r a i n i n g , t o s e l e c t i n g t o y s . K n o w l e d g e o f o u r c h i l d ' s d e v e l o p m e n t a l s t a g e i s c r i t i c a l t o u s i n g a n g e r c o n s t r u c t i v e l y . We a r e t o u n d e r s t a n d t h e c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s o f e a c h s t a g e a n d a d a p t o u r s e l v e s a n d t h e e n v i r o n m e n t t o b e s t a c c o m m o d a t e t h e c h i l d . W h e n t h i s f a i l s , L e a c h s u g g e s t s t h a t u s i n g a 46 c r o s s t o n e w i t h a c h i l d i s u s u a l l y s u f f i c i e n t . W h e n i t i s n o t , s h e s u g g e s t s t h a t w e r e m o v e t h e c h i l d f r o m t h e s i t u a t i o n . D e v e l o p m e n t a l p r a c t i c e s , p r e d o m i n a t e l y i n t h e k n o w l e d g e d o m a i n o f p e d i a t r i c i a n s a n d e a r l y c h i l d h o o d e d u c a t o r s , a r e s l o w l y i n f l u e n c i n g p a r e n t a l p r a c t i c e . W i t h i n t h i s f r a m e w o r k , t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r o c c u r s w h e n w e i d e n t i f y a n g r y f e e l i n g s a n d a p p l y k n o w l e d g e t o o f f e r c h i l d r e n a g e - a p p r o p r i a t e c h o i c e s . S u m m a r y P a r e n t e d u c a t i o n a p p r o a c h e s d o a l t e r p a r e n t e x p e c t a t i o n s . D e m b o , S w e i t z e r , a n d L a u r i t z e n (1985) r e v i e w e d 48 s t u d i e s t h a t e x a m i n e d b e h a v i o r a l , P E T , a n d A d l e r i a n p a r e n t i n g p r o g r a m s . D e s p i t e m i x e d r e s u l t s d u e t o t h e s e l e c t i o n o f e v a l u a t i o n i n s t r u m e n t s , t h e r e w e r e p o s i t i v e f e a t u r e s t o e a c h o f t h e a p p r o a c h e s . T h e y f o u n d t h a t , w i t h b e h a v i o r a l a p p r o a c h e s , s u c c e s s f u l o u t c o m e s w e r e m a i n t a i n e d i n a p p r o x i m a t e l y t h r e e - f o u r t h s o f t h e i n v e s t i g a t i o n s t h a t p r o v i d e d f o l l o w - u p d a t a . P E T a n d i n p a r t i c u l a r , A d l e r i a n a p p r o a c h e s h a d a m o r e p o s i t i v e i m p a c t u p o n p a r e n t a t t i t u d e s t h a n c h i l d b e h a v i o u r . T h e r e f o r e , p a r e n t i n g c o u r s e s c a n c o n t r i b u t e t o t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r . H o w e v e r , d u e t o m e t h o d o l o g i c a l f l a w s a n d t h e v a r i e t y o f i n s t r u m e n t s u s e d , D e m b o e t a l . c o n c l u d e t h a t i t i s d i f f i c u l t t o 47 determine which components are responsible for the change i n c h i l d or parent behaviour. Most parenting programs concur that when aroused, parents need f i r s t to i d e n t i f y t h e i r angry feelings and those of th e i r c h i l d . Then they are to communicate those feelings i n an assertive way. F i r s t generation approaches such as PET believed that being a s k i l l e d communicator would reduce anger. Adlerian approaches adopted the cool s c i e n t i s t approach of looking at the child' s behaviour, determining the child's needs, and acting to meet those needs. Anger i n both approaches i s not to be communicated to the c h i l d ; r a t i o n a l problem-solving i s . Programs a r i s i n g i n the 1980s and 1990s (Coloroso, 1994; Faber & Mazlish, 1980, 1987; Samalin & Whitney, 1991) advocate that parents need to be s k i l l e d communicators, but also need to prescribe l i m i t s for the c h i l d . It i s noteworthy that this l a t e r group of parent educators are mothers as well. They recognize anger, have experienced i t , and are helping parents to express anger i n assertive ways. This body of l i t e r a t u r e suggests that parents need to express anger, but i n a way that i s not h u r t f u l to the c h i l d . Consistent from program to program, l i m i t s are to be set and reinforced within the context of a p o s i t i v e 48 parent-child relationship. Anger i s permitted. It i s constructively used when we l i s t e n to the feeling, express i t , and act to solve the problem. If anger begins to escalate, most programs suggest that we phy s i c a l l y withdraw from the c h i l d u n t i l we regain composure and then proceed to solve the problem. Maternal variables having an impact upon the constructive use of anger The fourth body of l i t e r a t u r e reviewed encompasses studies examining maternal anger i n chil d - r e a r i n g . This body of l i t e r a t u r e suggests that constructive anger i s a much more complex process than the preceding theoretical views. It examines the impact of both maternal and c h i l d variables. There i s some evidence to support that antecedent variables such as mood p r i o r to onset, int e r n a l locus of causality, past history, and support influence a mother's a b i l i t y to use anger constructively. The mood a mother finds herself i n at the time of an anger-producing event appears to af f e c t the constructive use of anger. Dix, Reinhold, and Zambarano (1990) examined the influence of anger on mothers' judgments. The study involved 48 mothers of 7-year-olds. When experiencing a happy, neutral, or angry mood, the mothers made judgments about t h e i r own 4 9 c h i l d a n d a l s o a b o u t u n k n o w n c h i l d r e n v i e w e d o n v i d e o t a p e s . T h e s t u d y f o u n d t h a t w h e n a n g r y , m o t h e r s e x p e c t e d c h i l d r e n t o a c t m o r e n e g a t i v e l y a n d r a t e d t h e c u r r e n t p r o b l e m a s m o r e s e r i o u s t h a n w h e n e m o t i o n a l l y -n e u t r a l . W h e n c h i l d r e n d i d n o t c o m p l y w i t h r e q u e s t s , m o t h e r s m a d e m o r e n e g a t i v e a t t r i b u t i o n s a b o u t t h o s e c h i l d r e n , b e c a m e m o r e u p s e t , a n d f a v o u r e d u s i n g d i s a p p r o v i n g r e s p o n s e s . A n g e r w a s e v e n m o r e p r o n o u n c e d w h e n a c h i l d ' s r e s p o n s e w a s a m b i g u o u s t h a n w h e n i t w a s c l e a r l y n e g a t i v e . T h i s s t u d y s u p p o r t s t h e t h e o r y o f C l o r e e t a l . ( 1 9 9 3 ) t h a t a n g e r a c t i v a t e s a n g e r -c o n s i s t e n t c o g n i t i o n s , i n d u c e s n e g a t i v e j u d g m e n t s , t h e r e b y h a v i n g a n e g a t i v e i n f l u e n c e o n p a r e n t a l r e a c t i o n s . T o o v e r c o m e t h i s p r o p e n s i t y , D i x e t a l . s u g g e s t t h a t m o t h e r s s h o u l d a v o i d b e c o m i n g a n g r y e v e n t h o u g h t h e y b e l i e v e t h a t a n g e r m a y b e n e c e s s a r y i n s i t u a t i o n s r e q u i r i n g a q u i c k f o c u s e d a s s e s s m e n t . T h e r e f o r e , m o t h e r s w h o w e r e i n a h a p p y o r n e u t r a l m o o d j u d g e d a n e v e n t l e s s h a r s h l y a n d r e s p o n d e d m o r e c o n s t r u c t i v e l y t h a n m o t h e r s w h o w e r e e x p e r i e n c i n g a n g e r p r i o r t o t h e o n s e t o f a n i n c i d e n t . T h e r e i s f u r t h e r e v i d e n c e t o s u p p o r t t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f m o o d a s a c o n t r i b u t i n g f a c t o r i n f a c i l i t a t i n g o r h i n d e r i n g t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r . M o t h e r s e x p e r i e n c i n g s i g n i f i c a n t m o o d d i s o r d e r s 50 t e n d t o b e l i m i t e d i n t h e i r c a p a c i t y t o u s e a n g e r c o n s t r u c t i v e l y . G e l f a n d a n d T e t i ' s r e v i e w (1990) s u p p o r t s t h e h y p o t h e s i s t h a t d e p r e s s e d m o t h e r s f u n c t i o n p o o r l y a s p a r e n t s . T h e y f o u n d t h a t t h e m o t h e r s t e n d t o b e i n s e n s i t i v e a n d u n r e s p o n s i v e t o t h e i r c h i l d r e n , r e a c t i n g i n c o n s i s t e n t l y - - s w i n g i n g f r o m l a x , u n d e r c o n t r o l t o h a r s h b u t i n e f f e c t i v e a t t e m p t s a t c o e r c i o n . K e l t i k a n g a s - J a r v i n e n ' s s t u d y (1990) i l l u s t r a t e s t h e p a r e n t i n g d i f f i c u l t i e s o f d e p r e s s e d m o t h e r s . T h e s t u d y f o u n d t h a t m o t h e r s w h o e x p e r i e n c e a l a c k o f p e r s o n a l c o n t r o l ( t h e f e e l i n g t h a t l i f e p r o c e e d s o f i t s o w n a c c o r d a n d a c t i v e e f f o r t s a r e u s e l e s s ) w a s p o s i t i v e l y c o r r e l a t e d w i t h a c h i l d ' s a g g r e s s i v e b e h a v i o u r . M o o d a p p e a r s t o a f f e c t a m o t h e r ' s a b i l i t y t o p a r e n t e f f e c t i v e l y a n d i n t u r n , h e r c h i l d m a y b e c o m e m o r e a g g r e s s i v e , t h e r e b y c r e a t i n g a n e g a t i v e c y c l e . I f w e c o n s i d e r K e l t i k a n g a s - J a r v i n e n ' s f i n d i n g s i n l i g h t o f t h e r e s e a r c h q u e s t i o n , i t w o u l d a p p e a r t h a t m o t h e r s w h o a r e w i l l i n g t o t a k e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r t h e c o n s e q u e n c e s o f t h e i r a c t i v i t i e s a n d h a v e a n i n t e r n a l l o c u s o f c a u s a l i t y a r e m o r e l i k e l y t o h a v e n o n a g g r e s s i v e c h i l d r e n . A l l t h e s e f a c t o r s m a y f a c i l i t a t e t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r . P a s t h i s t o r y a n d s o c i a l s u p p o r t a r e a n o t h e r t w o 51 v a r i a b l e s t h a t m a y i n t e r v e n e i n h o w a m o t h e r e x p e r i e n c e s a n g e r w i t h h e r c h i l d . C r o c k e n b e r g (1987) f o u n d t h a t a d o l e s c e n t m o t h e r s w h o e x p e r i e n c e d r e j e c t i o n d u r i n g t h e i r o w n c h i l d h o o d a n d h a d l i t t l e s u p p o r t f r o m a p a r t n e r a f t e r t h e i r c h i l d ' s b i r t h w e r e l i k e l y t o u s e a n g e r i n a c o e r c i v e a n d p u n i t i v e f a s h i o n . H o w e v e r , m o t h e r s w h o s e o w n c h i l d h o o d w a s d i f f i c u l t , y e t w h o w e r e r e c e i v i n g s u p p o r t u s e d a n g e r i n a l e s s c o e r c i v e a n d p u n i t i v e f a s h i o n . S o c i a l s u p p o r t m a y c o n t r i b u t e p o s i t i v e l y t o t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r . D u r i n g a n a n g e r - p r o v o k i n g i n c i d e n t , c o g n i t i v e a p p r a i s a l s a n d r e a p p r a i s a l s a p p e a r t o d e t e r m i n e t h e d e g r e e o f a n g e r a m o t h e r w i l l e x p e r i e n c e . D i x , R u b l e , a n d Z a m b a r a n o (19 89) e x a m i n e d w h i c h a t t r i b u t i o n s a m o t h e r w o u l d m a k e t o f a v o u r p o w e r - a s s e r t i v e d i s c i p l i n e ( t h e u s e o f p u n i s h m e n t ) o v e r i n d u c t i o n ( a n e x p l a n a t i o n ) . T h e y f o u n d t h a t p o w e r - a s s e r t i v e d i s c i p l i n e i s p r e f e r r e d a c r o s s c h i l d - r e a r i n g i d e o l o g i e s w h e n t h e c h i l d i s j u d g e d t o b e a b l e t o b o t h f o r e s e e t h e i n t e n d e d o u t c o m e a n d w h e n t h e c h i l d c a u s e d t h e p r o b l e m , i n o t h e r w o r d s , w h e n t h e m o t h e r j u d g e s t h e c h i l d t o b e b o t h c o m p e t e n t a n d r e s p o n s i b l e . T h e s t u d y a l s o f o u n d t h a t m o t h e r s p r e f e r r i n g a u t h o r i t a r i a n c h i l d - r e a r i n g p r a c t i c e s t e n d t o p r e f e r p o w e r - a s s e r t i v e d i s c i p l i n e i n p a r t b e c a u s e t h e y a s s i g n g r e a t e r c o m p e t e n c e t o t h e i r 52 children. Abusive parents even more so tend to i n f e r inaccurate competencies to children (Azar, Robinson, Hekiman, & Twentyman, 1984; Speltz, 1990) . Heusser (1987) found that cognitive appraisals and reappraisals determine a mother's preference for power-assertive responses. In this doctoral study, 56 mothers kept d i a r i e s and recorded detailed information regarding thoughts, feelings, and d i s c i p l i n a r y responses to each s t r e s s f u l or anger-producing inte r a c t i o n experienced over 14 days. Heusser found the s p e c i f i c behaviour of the c h i l d to be less important than the appraisal and reappraisals made by the mothers as the interaction unfolded. Intense anger followed when the mother judged the c h i l d to be deliberately disobedient, to provoke the incident, and to have v i o l a t e d an expectation. The greater the anger and a t t r i b u t i o n of intent, the more l i k e l y the use of parental coercion and physical punishment. Summary These studies suggest that mothers believe anger i s a j u s t i f i e d response depending on the circumstances. The findings of Dix et a l . (1989, 1990) and Heusser (1987) corroborate the findings of A v e r i l l (1982)--anger occurs at someone, even a c h i l d , when his or her action i s seen as h u r t f u l , u n j u s t i f i e d , or preventable. 53 T h e s e s t u d i e s h i g h l i g h t t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f a n t e c e d e n t v a r i a b l e s p r i o r t o t h e o c c u r r e n c e o f a n a n g e r - p r o d u c i n g e v e n t . T h e s t u d i e s s u p p o r t t h e c o n c e p t u a l i z a t i o n s o f M c K a y e t a l . (1989) a n d G o v o r c h i n (1990) w h i c h r e c o g n i z e t h e r e l e v a n c e o f c o n t r i b u t i n g s t r e s s f a c t o r s . T h i s b o d y o f r e s e a r c h s u g g e s t s t h a t s u p p o r t , a s e n s e o f r e s p o n s i b i l i t y , a n i n t e r n a l l o c u s o f c a u s a l i t y , a n d h a p p y o r n e u t r a l m o o d s s e e m t o f a c i l i t a t e t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r . C h i l d v a r i a b l e s h a v i n g a n i m p a c t u p o n t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r C h i l d r e n h a v e a p a r t t o p l a y i n a n i n t e r a c t i o n w i t h t h e i r p a r e n t s . A c h i l d m a y s t o p , c o n t i n u e , o r i n t e n s i f y a n a n g e r - p r o v o k i n g i n c i d e n t . T h i s i s n o t t o i m p l y t h a t i t i s t h e c h i l d ' s r e s p o n s i b i l i t y t o m a n a g e a p a r e n t ' s a n g e r , r a t h e r t h a t a c h i l d ' s c o m p l i a n c e o r i n c r e a s e d d e f i a n c e c a n l e a d t o a p a r e n t b e c o m i n g m o r e o r l e s s a n g r y . C h i l d r e n h a v e d i f f e r e n t t e m p e r a m e n t s t h a t e n t e r i n t o p l a y i n a n a n g e r - p r o v o k i n g i n c i d e n t . C h i l d h o o d t e m p e r a m e n t h a s b e e n a v i g o r o u s a r e a o f r e s e a r c h o v e r t h e l a s t 4 0 y e a r s . T h e s e m i n a l r e s e a r c h o f T h o m a s , C h e s s , a n d B i r c h (1963) e m p h a s i z e d t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f c h i l d c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s . F r o m t h e i r c l i n i c a l p r a c t i c e , p a r e n t a l i n t e r v i e w s , a n d o b s e r v a t i o n s o f c h i l d r e n , t h e y 54 d e v e l o p e d a n i n e - d i m e n s i o n a l m o d e l o f t e m p e r a m e n t . T h e y s a i d t h a t i n d i v i d u a l b e h a v i o u r c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s a f f e c t i n t e r p e r s o n a l i n t e r a c t i o n s . A c h i l d w i t h a c o n s t e l l a t i o n o f b e h a v i o u r s c o u l d h a v e a " d i f f i c u l t t e m p e r a m e n t " a n d i n t u r n , d u e t o p o o r " g o o d n e s s o f f i t " c o u l d i n f l u e n c e t h e c a r e g i v e r n e g a t i v e l y . T u r e c k i a n d T o n n e r (1989) e s t i m a t e t h a t u p t o 20 p e r c e n t o f a l l c h i l d r e n u n d e r t h a t a g e o f 6 a r e t e m p e r a m e n t a l l y d i f f i c u l t a n d h a r d t o r a i s e . P a r e n t s o f t e m p e r a m e n t a l l y d i f f i c u l t c h i l d r e n m a y f e e l b e w i l d e r e d , e x h a u s t e d , a n g r y , g u i l t y , e m b a r r a s s e d , i n a d e q u a t e , a n d d e p r e s s e d . T o d e a l w i t h t h i s , t h e a u t h o r s s u g g e s t u n d e r s t a n d i n g t h e c h i l d ' s t e m p e r a m e n t a n d t h e n u s i n g s p e c i f i c s t r a t e g i e s t o a c c o m m o d a t e t h e t e m p e r a m e n t . F o r e x a m p l e , p a r e n t s a r e t o b e m o r e s y m p a t h e t i c t o a c h i l d w h o h a s a t e m p e r t a n t r u m o r o u t b u r s t d u e t o t e m p e r a m e n t a l n e e d s . I f t h e t e m p e r t a n t r u m i s m a n i p u l a t i v e ( t h e c h i l d w a n t s s o m e t h i n g ) , p a r e n t s a r e t o d e n y t h e r e q u e s t , u s e a f i r m / m e n a c i n g t o n e , d i s t r a c t t h e c h i l d , o r r e m o v e t h e c h i l d o r t h e m s e l v e s u n t i l t h e b e h a v i o u r s u b s i d e s . C o n f l i c t i n g f i n d i n g s a r e a v a i l a b l e o n t h e i m p a c t o f t e m p e r a m e n t o n a n g e r . A p r e v i o u s l y c i t e d s t u d y ( C r o c k e n b u r g , 1 9 8 7 ) d i d n o t f i n d i n f a n t i r r i t a b i l i t y c o n t r i b u t e d t o a n g r y o r p u n i t i v e c o n t r o l . E i s e n b e r g 55 a n d F a b e s ' s t u d y ( 1 9 9 4 ) f o u n d t h e o p p o s i t e . T h e y f o u n d t h a t m o t h e r s r e s p o n d e d d i f f e r e n t l y b a s e d o n t h e i r p e r c e p t i o n o f t h e i r c h i l d ' s t e m p e r a m e n t . T h e s t u d y e x a m i n e d m o t h e r s ' r e a c t i o n s t o c h i l d r e n ' s n e g a t i v e e m o t i o n s t a k i n g i n t o a c c o u n t t h e c h i l d ' s t e m p e r a m e n t a n d a n g r y b e h a v i o u r . S e v e n t y - n i n e m o t h e r - c h i l d p a i r s p a r t i c i p a t e d i n t h e s t u d y . T h e s t u d y f o u n d f o u r s i g n i f i c a n t c o r r e l a t i o n s . F i r s t , m o t h e r s f a v o u r e d m i n i m i z i n g / p u n i t i v e r e s p o n s e s i f t h e y r a t e d t h e i r c h i l d h a d a d i f f i c u l t t e m p e r a m e n t ( l o w a t t e n t i o n a l c o n t r o l a n d h i g h n e g a t i v e a f f e c t ) . S e c o n d , m o t h e r s b e c a m e m o r e d i s t r e s s e d w h e n t h e y r a t e d t h e i r c h i l d a s h a v i n g h i g h e m o t i o n a l i n t e n s i t y , n e g a t i v e a f f e c t , a n d l o w l e v e l s o f v e n t i n g w h e n a n g e r e d . T h i r d , m o t h e r s w h o e n c o u r a g e d t h e e x p r e s s i o n o f e m o t i o n a n d p r o b l e m - s o l v i n g d i d s o w i t h c h i l d r e n w h o t h e y p e r c e i v e d h a d h i g h e r a t t e n t i o n a l c o n t r o l . F o u r t h , m o t h e r s p r e f e r r e d t o c o m f o r t t h e i r c h i l d r e n w h e n t h e c h i l d v e r b a l i z e d t h e p r o b l e m r a t h e r t h e n w h e n t h e c h i l d v e n t e d a n g e r . T w o o f t h e f i n d i n g s a r e s i g n i f i c a n t i n t e r m s o f u n d e r s t a n d i n g t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e s o f a n g e r . C h i l d r e n w i t h h i g h a t t e n t i o n a l c o n t r o l w e r e e n c o u r a g e d t o e x p r e s s t h e i r e m o t i o n s a n d t o e n g a g e i n p r o b l e m -s o l v i n g . C h i l d r e n w h o v e r b a l i z e d r a t h e r t h a n v e n t e d a n g e r w e r e c o m f o r t e d m o r e o f t e n . H e n c e , a c h i l d ' s 5 6 t e m p e r a m e n t ( a t t e n t i o n a l c o n t r o l a n d l a n g u a g e a b i l i t y ) a f f e c t s a m o t h e r ' s a b i l i t y t o u s e a n g e r c o n s t r u c t i v e l y . S u m m a r y A c h i l d ' s t e m p e r a m e n t m a y i n f l u e n c e a m o t h e r ' s c a r e g i v i n g a n d s u s c e p t i b i l i t y t o a n g e r . I n f a n t s w i t h d i f f i c u l t o r i r r i t a b l e t e m p e r a m e n t s m a y c a u s e a m o t h e r t o b e c o m e u n r e s p o n s i v e , t o a v o i d c o n t a c t , a n d e v e n t u a l l y , t o r e l y o n p o w e r - a s s e r t i v e d i s c i p l i n e . T h u s f a r , i n t h e l i t e r a t u r e r e v i e w , m a n y c o n c e p t u a l i z a t i o n s o f a n g e r h a v e p l a c e d t h e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r m a n a g i n g a n g e r s o l e l y w i t h t h e p a r e n t . T h e l i t e r a t u r e o n t e m p e r a m e n t c o n t r i b u t e s a n o t h e r v i e w p o i n t t o t h e u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e s o f a n g e r . A c h i l d w i t h a d i f f i c u l t t e m p e r a m e n t m a y g e n u i n e l y b e m o r e c h a l l e n g i n g a n d m a y h i n d e r a m o t h e r ' s a b i l i t y t o r e s p o n d c o n s t r u c t i v e l y . B e n e f i c i a l a n d n e g a t i v e c o n s e q u e n c e s o f i n t e r f a m i l i a l a n g e r A r e t h e r e a n y b e n e f i t s t o c h i l d r e n t h a t a c c r u e f r o m t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r ? We k n o w t h a t i n t e n s e e x p r e s s i o n s o f a n g e r a r e m o r e d i s t r e s s i n g t h a n n o n i n t e n s e e x p r e s s i o n s o f a n g e r a n d t h a t a n g e r e x p r e s s e d t h r o u g h p h y s i c a l a g g r e s s i o n i s t h e m o s t d i s t r e s s i n g o f a l l t o c h i l d r e n ( C u m m i n g s , V o g e l , C u m m i n g s , & E l - S h e i k h , 1 9 8 9 ) . We k n o w t h a t w e n e e d t o 5 7 b e c o n c e r n e d a b o u t t h i s b e c a u s e y o u n g c h i l d r e n t e n d t o i n t e r p r e t s i t u a t i o n s a t f a c e v a l u e a n d f r o m a n e g o c e n t r i c v i e w p o i n t . S o w h e n a m o t h e r b e c o m e s a n g r y , i n m o s t c a s e s c h i l d r e n t e n d t o a t t r i b u t e t h e a n g e r t o t h e m s e l v e s ( C o v e l l & A b r a m o v i t c h , 19 8 7 ) . I n p a r t i c u l a r , c h i l d r e n a g e s 4 - 6 b e l i e v e t h a t t h e y c a n r e d u c e p a r e n t a l a n g e r t h r o u g h d i r e c t i n t e r v e n t i o n ( C o v e l l & M i l e s , 1 9 9 2 ) . T h e f a c t t h a t c h i l d r e n b e l i e v e t h e y c a n c h a n g e p a r e n t a l a n g e r a n d a s s u m e . r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r i t , e v e n w h e n n o t t h e i r f a u l t , i s a n e g a t i v e c o n s e q u e n c e . F r o m s t u d y i n g m o t h e r - i n f a n t p a i r s , C r o c k e n b e r g ( 1 9 8 7 ) f o u n d t h a t e v e n i n f a n t s a r e a f f e c t e d b y m a t e r n a l a n g e r . T h e i n f a n t s r a n g e d i n a g e f r o m 19 1 / 2 m o n t h s t o 2 2 m o n t h s . T h e s t u d y f o u n d t h a t ( a ) w h e n a m o t h e r d i r e c t e d a n g e r a t h e r c h i l d , i n c o m p a r i s o n t o s a d n e s s , p a i n , o r f e a r , t h e c h i l d ' s s e l f - c o n c e r n a n d a n g r y d e f i a n c e t o w a r d s o t h e r s i n c r e a s e d , a n d (b ) t h e m o r e f r e q u e n t t h e m a t e r n a l a n g e r , t h e l e s s o f t e n a c h i l d w o u l d r e s p o n d w i t h e m p a t h y t o o t h e r s . C r o c k e n b e r g s u g g e s t s t h a t m a t e r n a l a n g e r a t a t o d d l e r m a y h a v e c o n s e q u e n c e s b e y o n d t h e i m m e d i a t e c o n t e x t , t h a t c h i l d r e n m a y b e c o m e l e s s e m p a t h i c o v e r t h e l o n g t e r m . T h e r e a r e , h o w e v e r , s o m e s t u d i e s t h a t s u g g e s t t h a t a n g e r , e x p r e s s e d t o a c e r t a i n d e g r e e , c a n b e n e f i t 58 p r e s c h o o l e r s . D e n h a m , R e n w i c k - D e B a r d i , a n d H e w e s (1994) f o u n d t h a t p r e s c h o o l e r s w h o w i t n e s s e d a h i g h l e v e l o f m a t e r n a l s a d n e s s o r a n g e r t e n d e d t o r e s p o n d n o n p r o s o c i a l l y t o t h e i r m o t h e r s a n d t o t h e i r p e e r s i n p r e s c h o o l c l a s s e s . C o n v e r s e l y a n d m o r e i m p o r t a n t l y f o r t h i s s t u d y , c h i l d r e n w h o w e r e e x p o s e d t o r e g u l a t e d a n d n o n o v e r w h e l m i n g d i s p l e a s u r e r e s p o n d e d p r o s o c i a l l y t o p e e r s . T h e a u t h o r s b e l i e v e t h a t n o n o v e r w h e l m i n g e x p e r i e n c e s o f a n g e r g i v e c h i l d r e n p r a c t i c e i n h a n d l i n g c o n f l i c t s o u t s i d e t h e h o m e . R a t h e r t h a n s u p p r e s s o r v e n t a n g e r , i f a n g e r i s h a n d l e d i n a n o n o v e r w h e l m i n g w a y , i t c a n e n h a n c e a c h i l d ' s p r o s o c i a l s k i l l s . T h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r m a y t h e r e f o r e p r o m o t e a c h i l d ' s p r o s o c i a l s k i l l s . C u m m i n g s a n d D a v i e s (1994) h a v e s u m m a r i z e d t h e i r r e s e a r c h o n t h e i m p a c t o f m a r i t a l c o n f l i c t o n c h i l d r e n . T h e y i d e n t i f y b o t h n e g a t i v e a n d p o s i t i v e f e a t u r e s o f c o n f l i c t s . T h e y h a v e f o u n d t h a t b o t h v e r b a l a n d n o n v e r b a l e x p r e s s i o n s o f a n g e r ( t h e s i l e n t t r e a t m e n t ) a r e e q u a l l y d i s t r e s s i n g t o c h i l d r e n . T h e y a d v o c a t e e x p r e s s i n g a n g e r b u t n o t g o i n g o v e r b o a r d . T h e y h a v e f o u n d t h a t a n g e r e x p r e s s i o n s t h a t i n c l u d e p h y s i c a l a g g r e s s i o n a r e t h e m o s t d i s t r e s s i n g t o c h i l d r e n . T h e y c o n c l u d e t h a t c h i l d r e n c a n b e n e f i t f r o m c o n f l i c t 59 r e s o l u t i o n . T h e y l i s t t h r e e f a c i l i t a t i n g p r i n c i p l e s a t p l a y i n c o n f l i c t r e s o l u t i o n . F i r s t , c h i l d r e n c a n f o r g e t a n g r y e v e n t s w h e n t h e y h a v e b e e n r e s o l v e d . S e c o n d , c h i l d r e n p e r c e i v e a s p o s i t i v e a n y p r o g r e s s t o w a r d r e s o l u t i o n , e v e n w h e n p a r e n t s e m e r g e h a p p y f r o m r e s o l v i n g a c o n f l i c t b e h i n d c l o s e d d o o r s . F i n a l l y , c h i l d r e n b e n e f i t f r o m a d u l t e x p l a n a t i o n s o f t h e i r c o n f l i c t r e s o l u t i o n s . T h e s e a r e e n c o u r a g i n g f i n d i n g s f o r b o t h p a r e n t s a n d c h i l d r e n . S u m m a r y I t i s e n c o u r a g i n g t o n o t e t h a t t h e r e m a y b e a r e w a r d f o r p a r e n t s w h o c o n s i d e r e x p r e s s i n g t h e i r a n g e r t o t h e i r c h i l d i n a n o n o v e r w h e l m i n g w a y . N o t o n l y a r e t h e p a r e n t s ' n e e d s e x p r e s s e d , t h e p r o b l e m m a y b e r e s o l v e d a n d t h e c h i l d m a y b e e n a b l e d t o b e t t e r m a n a g e p e e r c o n f l i c t s . C u m m i n g s a n d D a v i e s ' s u m m a r y s u p p o r t s t h e c o n s t r u c t t h a t a n g e r c a n b e u s e d c o n s t r u c t i v e l y . R e s o l v i n g m a r i t a l c o n f l i c t s l e a d s t o t h e r e s t o r a t i o n o f g o o d f e e l i n g s . A n a p p r o p r i a t e q u e s t i o n t h e n i s , d o e s t h e s a m e p r i n c i p l e a p p l y t o p a r e n t - c h i l d c o n f l i c t s a n d r e s o l u t i o n s ? S u m m a r y S y n t h e s i s a n d C o n c l u s i o n o f t h e L i t e r a t u r e R e v i e w T h i s c h a p t e r r e v i e w e d t h e l i t e r a t u r e o n t h e o r i e s o f a n g e r , f e m i n i s t p e r s p e c t i v e s , p a r e n t e d u c a t i o n 60 programs, research findings on mother and c h i l d variables having an impact upon maternal anger, and f i n a l l y the research findings on i n t e r f a m i l i a l c o n f l i c t to establish the construct of constructive anger. There i s ample evidence both i n theoreti c a l and experiential formulations to value the emotion of anger. Anger can be viewed as an emotion that informs us; anger helps us i d e n t i f y both our needs and our child's needs. There i s no doubt that anger can be used destructively to hurt children. However, there i s also l i t t l e doubt that anger can be used constructively to resolve underlying needs. In this l i t e r a t u r e review, there i s a general consensus that i t i s best to express anger as suppression tends to prolong anger ( A v e r i l l , 1982) and is d i s t r e s s i n g to children (Cummings, 1994) . The advice on expressing anger can be grouped into three categories: v e n t i l a t i o n i s t , cool-headed r a t i o n a l i s t , and expressive/pragmatic. Venting anger, although research does not support i t s use, i s one way of expressing anger. The goal i s to move through the emotion of anger to p o s i t i v e feelings. However, simply venting feelings, even when i t i s between parents, i s di s t r e s s i n g to children, increases aggressive behaviour, and decreases a child' s 61 e m p a t h y t o o t h e r s . T h e s e c o n d c l u s t e r o f t h e o r i s t s a n d p r a c t i t i o n e r s m a y b e l i k e n e d t o t h e c o o l - h e a d e d s c i e n t i s t : o n e f e e l s a n g e r , r e c o g n i z e s , b u t a c t s i n a n e u t r a l , p r o b l e m -s o l v i n g w a y . T h i s a p p r o a c h h a s i t s m e r i t s . I t i s p r o b l e m - f o c u s e d a n d n o n a c c u s a t o r y . I t i m p l i e s t h a t a n g e r u s e d c o n s t r u c t i v e l y i s r a t i o n a l a n d i n c o n t r o l . H o w e v e r , t h i s a p p r o a c h c a n b e f r u s t r a t i n g a n d l e a d t o f e e l i n g s o f i n c o m p e t e n c y i f w e f a i l t o a c t c a l m l y . T h i s a p p r o a c h s e t s u p a n i d e a l , a s d o e s t h e o n e - s i d e d i d e a l o f t h e m o t h e r a s n u r t u r e r , t h a t b o t h e n a b l e s a n d d i s a b l e s . M o r e r e c e n t a d v i c e , c e r t a i n l y f r o m s o m e p a r e n t i n g a p p r o a c h e s , p r o m o t e s t h e v i e w o f t h e p a r e n t w h o f o s t e r s t h e p o s i t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p , e x p r e s s e s p o s i t i v e a n d n e g a t i v e f e e l i n g s , a n d i m p o s e s l i m i t s w h e n n e c e s s a r y . M u c h o f t h i s l i t e r a t u r e i s m a r r y i n g t h e b e s t p r a c t i c e s o f t h e h u m a n i s t i c s c h o o l ( e f f e c t i v e l i s t e n i n g a n d c o m m u n i c a t i o n o f f e e l i n g s ) w i t h p a r e n t a l e x p e r i e n c e . T h e g o o d m o t h e r b o t h n u r t u r e s a n d f e e l s a n g e r b u t e x p r e s s e s a n g e r i n a n o n o v e r w h e l m i n g w a y . I f a n g e r b e g i n s t o e s c a l a t e , s h e s e p a r a t e s h e r s e l f f r o m h e r c h i l d . I f s h e b l o w s i t , s h e a d m i t s h e r m i s t a k e a n d a d d r e s s e s t h e u n d e r l y i n g n e e d s . T h e s e t h r e e a p p r o a c h e s t o e x p r e s s i n g a n g e r a r e n o t 6 2 c o n t e x t - f r e e . T h e r e s e a r c h o n m o t h e r a n d c h i l d v a r i a b l e s h i g h l i g h t s t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f c o n t e x t . C o n s t r u c t i v e u s e s o f a n g e r c a n o c c u r w h e n p a r e n t s a d d r e s s p e r s o n a l s t r e s s f a c t o r s a n d u n d e r s t a n d a c h i l d ' s t e m p e r a m e n t p a t t e r n . I n t h e m o m e n t o f a n g e r , c o n t e x t a n d a n t e c e d e n t c o n d i t i o n s s e e m t o i n f l u e n c e a m o t h e r ' s a b i l i t y t o u s e a n g e r c o n s t r u c t i v e l y . O n c e a n g r y , a p a r e n t h a s b o t h a g g r e s s i v e a n d n o n a g g r e s s i v e i m p u l s e s o n w h i c h h e o r s h e c a n a c t . T h e y c o e x i s t . T h e r e i s e v i d e n c e s u g g e s t i n g t h a t p a r e n t s c a n l e a r n a l t e r n a t i v e w a y s o f e x p r e s s i n g a n g e r . O u r r e s p o n s e s a r e l e a r n e d , n o t i n n a t e . A v e r i l l ( 1 9 8 2 ) a n d S a m a l i n a n d W h i t n e y ( 1 9 9 1 ) c o n f i r m w h a t e v e r y p a r e n t a l r e a d y k n o w s : w e w i l l e x p e r i e n c e a n g e r m o s t o f t e n w i t h a l o v e d o n e . I f w e c a n a c c e p t t h a t a n g e r i s i n d e e d p a r t o f a r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h a l o v e d o n e a n d t h a t a n g e r i s o f t e n a i m e d a t i m p r o v i n g t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p , w e m u s t f i n d w a y s o f e x p r e s s i n g o u r a n g e r t o p r o m o t e r e s o l u t i o n r a t h e r t h a n a b u s e . T h e n e x t c h a p t e r w i l l d e s c r i b e t h e m e t h o d o l o g y u s e d t o i n v e s t i g a t e w h i c h , i f a n y , o f t h e t h r e e a p p r o a c h e s - - v e n t i l a t i o n i s t , c o o l - h e a d e d r a t i o n a l i s t , o r e x p r e s s i v e - p r a g m a t i c - - r e p r e s e n t s t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r b y m o t h e r s o f p r e s c h o o l e r s . 63 CHAPTER 3 Methodology Design The purpose of this study i s to discover what f a c i l i t a t e s and what hinders the constructive use of anger once i t i s aroused i n mothers of preschoolers. Since there i s not an e x p l i c i t theory of the constructive use of anger and i t s f a c i l i t a t i n g features with regards to parents of preschoolers, a deductive approach designed to test hypotheses and to produce generalizations was not suited for the present study. Consequently, this study adopted a phenomenological approach because the intention was to gain a deeper understanding of the nature of everyday experiences of anger, primarily constructive anger. Phenomenology i s "the systematic attempt to uncover and describe the structure, the int e r n a l meaning structures, of l i v e d experience" (Van Manen, 1990, p.9). Its inductive approach reveals current practice and thus lends i t s e l f well to the descriptive and exploratory nature of the present study. O r i g i n a l l y , this study was designed to develop a categorical map describing, from the viewpoint of mothers of preschoolers, factors that f a c i l i t a t e and hinder the constructive use of anger. To this end, the 64 c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t t e c h n i q u e ( F l a n a g a n , 1954) w a s a d o p t e d i n i t i a l l y . T h i s t e c h n i q u e i s d e s i g n e d t o g e n e r a t e d e s c r i p t i v e a n d q u a l i t a t i v e d a t a . T h e c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t t e c h n i q u e d e s c r i b e s e x p e r i e n c e s a s w e l l a s b e h a v i o u r s t h a t f a c i l i t a t e o r h i n d e r t h e a t t a i n m e n t o f t h e a i m u n d e r s t u d y . T h e t e c h n i q u e i s i n d u c t i v e i n t h a t t h e r e s e a r c h e r c o l l e c t s s t o r i e s o f i n d i v i d u a l e x p e r i e n c e s a n d a l l o w s t h e c a t e g o r i e s t o e m e r g e f r o m t h e i n c i d e n t s t h e m s e l v e s . F l a n a g a n (1954) f i r s t u s e d t h e c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t t e c h n i q u e t o r e v e a l w h i c h s p e c i f i c b e h a v i o u r s o f c o m b a t v e t e r a n s h e l p e d o r h i n d e r e d t h e a c c o m p l i s h m e n t o f t h e a s s i g n e d m i s s i o n . I n a n o t h e r s t u d y , F l a n a g a n (1978) e x t e n d e d t h e c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t t e c h n i q u e t o i n c l u d e e x p e r i e n c e s a s w e l l a s b e h a v i o u r s t h a t f a c i l i t a t e o r h i n d e r " q u a l i t y o f l i f e . " M a n y o t h e r s t u d i e s w i t h d i v e r s e a i m s s u b s e q u e n t l y h a v e u s e d t h i s t e c h n i q u e ( A n d e r s s o n & N i l s s o n , 1964; B o y c h u k , 1985; B r o u g h t o n , 1974; C o c h r a n , 1985; N o v o t n y , 1993) . H o w e v e r , a f t e r a n a l y z i n g t h e i n c i d e n t s f r o m t h e f i r s t f o u r i n t e r v i e w s , i t b e c a m e a p p a r e n t t h a t t h e c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t t e c h n i q u e w a s n o t f l e x i b l e e n o u g h a n d s o m e w h a t m i s l e a d i n g . I n i t i a l l y , i n o r d e r t o d e t e r m i n e f a c i l i t a t i n g a n d h i n d e r i n g f a c t o r s , t h e i n c i d e n t s w e r e r e a d a n d r e - r e a d t o e s t a b l i s h t h e r a n g e a n d t y p e o f 65 i n c i d e n t s . T h e i n c i d e n t s w e r e t h e n a n a l y z e d n o t i n g t h e c o n t e x t , t h e s o u r c e o f f a c i l i t a t i o n o r h i n d r a n c e , t h e a g e n t , t h e a c t i o n o f t h e a g e n t , a n d t h e o u t c o m e . T h e t e c h n i q u e f o c u s e s p r i m a r i l y o n b e h a v i o u r t h a t f a c i l i t a t e s o r h i n d e r s a n a c t i v i t y , i n t h i s c a s e , t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r . S o m e t i m e s t h e s o u r c e o f f a c i l i t a t i o n o r h i n d r a n c e w a s t h e c h i l d . T h e c h i l d ' s b e h a v i o u r f a c i l i t a t e d a n d o t h e r t i m e s , i t h i n d e r e d t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r . T h i s , h o w e v e r , p r o v e d t o b e a m i s l e a d i n g a n a l y s i s . W h i l e a c h i l d ' s b e h a v i o u r m a t t e r s i n a n a n g e r -p r o v o k i n g i n c i d e n t a n d i n f l u e n c e s a m o t h e r ' s r e s p o n s e , t h e c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t a n a l y s i s i m p l i e d b y i t s s t r u c t u r e t h a t i n s o m e i n c i d e n t s t h e c h i l d w a s r e s p o n s i b l e f o r h i s / h e r m o t h e r ' s f e e l i n g s o f a n g e r . T h e r e s e a r c h e r f e l t s t r o n g l y t h e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r t h o s e f e e l i n g s n e e d e d t o r e m a i n w i t h t h e a d u l t . F u r t h e r m o r e , s u b s e q u e n t a n a l y s i s w h i c h i s r e p o r t e d i n t h e n e x t c h a p t e r r e v e a l e d t h a t t h e m o t h e r s ' a p p r a i s a l s a n d r e a p p r a i s a l s m a t t e r e d m o r e t h a n t h e c h i l d ' s b e h a v i o u r t o t h e a r o u s a l a n d o u t c o m e o f a n g e r . T o p r o v i d e a c o n c r e t e e x a m p l e , a f e w s t o r i e s d e s c r i b e d a n g e r o c c u r r i n g o v e r t h e i s s u e o f c h i l d r e n n o t p u t t i n g a w a y t o y s a s r e q u e s t e d . I n o n e s t o r y , t h e m o t h e r b e c a m e v e r y a n g r y a n d t o o k t h e t o y s o u t t o t h e g a r b a g e c a n . 66 In another story, the same mother took a deep breath, remembered a suggestion from a parenting video and said, "Obviously, they don't know what clearing away the toys means to me. I ' l l model exactly what a want." Therefore, the mother's cognitive and behavioral responses were more c r i t i c a l to the constructive resolution of the incident than the c h i l d ' s behaviour. Consequently, while engaged i n the process of analyzing the incidents with my f a c u l t y advisor, we decided to abandon the c r i t i c a l incident analysis but to r e t a i n the c r i t i c a l incident approach to the interviews. The interview i s f u l l y elaborated further on. We decided to adopt narrative analysis as the research strategy. Narratives or story plots reveal actions through time. They also reveal the speaker's evaluations of those actions. In phenomenological methodology, each story or incident i s analyzed for the s t r u c t u r a l or thematic aspects of the experience. Themes, "structures of experience" (Van Manen, p.79), are i d e n t i f i e d to reveal the u n i v e r s a l i t y of the experience. Thus this study assumes that there are common plots or actions through time once anger i s aroused i n the mother-child relationship. By grouping s i m i l a r stories together, the 6 7 r e s e a r c h e r i n i t i a l l y f o u n d t h a t t h e i n c i d e n t s r e v e a l e d t h r e e r e s p o n s e p a t t e r n s o r s t o r y p l o t s t o a n g e r : a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e a n d r e s o l u t i o n , a c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e w i t h a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n , a n d a c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e a n d r e s o l u t i o n . A f t e r l i s t e n i n g t o c o m m e n t s f r o m t w o i n d e p e n d e n t r a t e r s , a n o t h e r r e s p o n s e c a t e g o r y w a s a d d e d : a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e w i t h a c o e r c i v e r e s o l u t i o n . N e x t , w i t h i n e a c h g r o u p , t h e s t o r i e s w e r e f u r t h e r s o r t e d a c c o r d i n g t o w h a t f i r s t f a c i l i t a t e d o r h i n d e r e d t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r . F o u r f a c t o r s w e r e i d e n t i f i e d : ( a ) r e s p o n s i v e s e l f - a w a r e n e s s , (b ) e m p a t h y , ( c ) s e p a r a t i o n , a n d (d ) r e l i e f p r o v i d e d b y a n o t h e r p e r s o n . C o m b i n i n g t h e s e f a c t o r s a n d t h e f o u r r e s p o n s e / r e s o l u t i o n p a t t e r n s o n t o a m a t r i x , t h e r e s e a r c h e r i d e n t i f i e d e i g h t d i f f e r e n t i a t e d s t o r y p l o t s . T h e s e s t o r y p l o t s a r e d e s c r i b e d f u l l y i n t h e n e x t c h a p t e r . B r a c k e t i n g I n p h e n o m e n o l o g i c a l r e s e a r c h i t i s n o t a l w a y s t h a t t h e r e s e a r c h e r k n o w s l i t t l e a b o u t t h e p h e n o m e n a b e i n g i n v e s t i g a t e d , b u t r a t h e r u n d e r s t a n d i n g s , s u p p o s i t i o n s , a s s u m p t i o n s , a n d e x i s t i n g b o d i e s o f s c i e n t i f i c k n o w l e d g e p r e d i s p o s e r e s e a r c h e r s t o i n t e r p r e t p h e n o m e n a b e f o r e t h e s i g n i f i c a n c e o f t h e p h e n o m e n o l o g i c a l q u e s t i o n c a n b e a p p r e c i a t e d ( V a n M a n e n , 1 9 9 0 ) . T o d e a l 68 w i t h t h i s i s s u e , t h e p h e n o m e n o l o g i c a l r e s e a r c h e r i s a s k e d t o s u s p e n d o r b r a c k e t h i s / h e r b e l i e f s . T h e n e x t s e c t i o n m a k e s e x p l i c i t t h e a s s u m p t i o n s a n d i n f l u e n c e s o f t h e r e s e a r c h e r s o t h a t t h e r e a d e r i s b e t t e r a b l e t o j u d g e h o w t h e s e m a y b i a s t h e r e s e a r c h e r ' s i n t e r p r e t a t i o n o f t h e d a t a . I f o r m u l a t e d t h e q u e s t i o n o f w h a t f a c i l i t a t e s t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r f o r m a n y r e a s o n s . T h e f i r s t a n d m o s t d i r e c t l y r e l e v a n t r e a s o n i s t h a t I am a m o t h e r o f t w o c h i l d r e n , a 2 y e a r o l d a n d a 5 y e a r o l d . A s a m o t h e r , I h a v e h a d t o m a k e s e n s e o f a n g e r i n my r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h my c h i l d r e n . A l t h o u g h I c a r e d e e p l y f o r my c h i l d r e n , I w a s s u r p r i s e d a t t h e i n t e n s i t y a n d f r e q u e n c y o f a n g e r t h a t my c h i l d r e n c o u l d a r o u s e . R a t h e r t h a n j u s t c o n s i d e r t h i s a p e r s o n a l q u e s t i o n , I b e l i e v e d t h a t o t h e r m o t h e r s s t r u g g l e t o m a k e s e n s e o f a n g e r a s w e l l . T h i s b e l i e f o r i g i n a t e d f r o m t a l k s w i t h t h r e e d i f f e r e n t m o t h e r s w h o s p o k e t o me a t d i f f e r e n t p o i n t s o f a 1 0 y e a r s p a n o f my t e a c h i n g c a r e e r . E a c h m o t h e r s h a r e d s o m e o f h e r d i s t r e s s o v e r r e c u r r i n g a n g e r . I r e m e m b e r t h e f i r s t m o t h e r q u i t e c l e a r l y . I r e m e m b e r s a y i n g t o t h e m o t h e r , " I g o t a n g r y t o d a y . I w i s h I h a d n ' t . " T h e m o t h e r s a i d t o m e , " Y o u g o t a n g r y ? I t h o u g h t t e a c h e r s w e r e t r a i n e d n o t t o b e c o m e a n g r y . " I n i t i a l l y , I i n t e r p r e t e d t h e c o m m e n t t o m e a n t h a t t h e 69 mother was being judgmental of me. As we talked more, the mother revealed that she was struggling with her anger. She f e l t that she should not become angry but invariably did. Many years l a t e r , a c o n f l i c t resolution workshop, influenced my understanding of anger. The workshop helped participants to i d e n t i f y the p o s i t i v e features of anger, to see anger as an informer. This workshop was a revelation to me. I now understand that anger i d e n t i f i e s a boundary or a need. In my family of o r i g i n , I learned about hot, rapid anger. My parents provided a stable and secure home, but one where my parents did not talk about emotions. We l i v e d emotions. My mother was the touchstone of our family. She cared for us and l e t us know that she was angry by y e l l i n g or speaking sharply. On the very odd occasion, she would swat us. My father, on the other hand, was a tense person. It took l i t t l e to trigger his anger. He frequently and with l i t t l e provocation expressed anger i n verbal rage. He would often want to h i t us, but my three s i b l i n g s and I would quickly scatter out of sight. He generally' restrained himself from a c t u a l l y h i t t i n g us because I believe he knew he could hurt us i n anger. The threat of being h i t was ominous enough. Despite t h i s , my parents did not hold 7 0 g r u d g e s . A n g e r w a s o u t a n d d o n e w i t h . W h e n I a t t e n d e d s c h o o l a n d l a t e r i n my w o r k i n g l i f e , w h e n f e e l i n g a n g r y , I u s u a l l y r e m a i n e d s i l e n t . H o t , v e r b a l a n g e r c e r t a i n l y d i d n o t s e e m a p p r o p r i a t e b u t I d i d n o t h a v e o t h e r w a y s o f e x p r e s s i n g a n g e r . M o s t t i m e s , I s u p p r e s s e d f e e l i n g s o f a n g e r . P e r i o d i c a l l y , my q u i e t n e s s w o u l d s p i l l o v e r i n t o i n t e n s e a n g e r . I w o u l d l o s e c o n t r o l , y e l l , a n d t h e n e x p e r i e n c e g u i l t a n d e m b a r r a s s m e n t . I w a s a s h a m e d o f my b e h a v i o u r a n d my l a c k o f c o n t r o l . P e r s o n a l g r o w t h w o r k h e l p e d me t o m a k e s e n s e o f a n d t o a c c e p t m y f a m i l y b a c k g r o u n d . H o w e v e r , i t w a s n o t u n t i l t h e c o n f l i c t r e s o l u t i o n w o r k s h o p t h a t a n g e r b e c a m e m o r e u n d e r s t a n d a b l e , s o m e t h i n g t h a t I c o u l d e x p e r i e n c e a n d b e g i n t o e x p r e s s w i t h o u t f e a r o f b e c o m i n g a s e x p l o s i v e a s my f a t h e r . A s a c o u n s e l l i n g p s y c h o l o g y s t u d e n t , p a r e n t , a n d t e a c h e r , I w o u l d l i k e t o k n o w w h a t f a c i l i t a t e s t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e a n d r e s o l u t i o n o f a n g e r . I w a n t t o a p p l y t h i s k n o w l e d g e t o my o w n p a r e n t i n g a n d , e v e n t u a l l y , t o my w o r k w i t h p a r e n t s . C a n w e a s p a r e n t s t r u s t o u r s e l v e s t o f e e l a n g e r a n d t o u s e i t c o n s t r u c t i v e l y ? W h a t d o e s c o n s t r u c t i v e a n g e r l o o k l i k e a n d w h a t a r e i t s f a c i l i t a t i n g f a c t o r s ? 71 P a r t i c i p a n t s T h e f o c u s o f q u a l i t a t i v e r e s e a r c h i s d i r e c t e d t o w a r d g a i n i n g a n i n - d e p t h o r r i c h u n d e r s t a n d i n g f r o m i n d i v i d u a l s w h o h a v e e x p e r i e n c e d t h e p h e n o m e n a a n d w h o a r e a r t i c u l a t e ( P a t t o n , 1 9 9 0 ) . M o t h e r s w e r e r e c r u i t e d t h r o u g h n o t i c e s ( s e e A p p e n d i x A ) t h a t w e r e d i s t r i b u t e d t o a c q u a i n t a n c e s o f t h e r e s e a r c h e r a n d p o s t e d i n t w o c o m m u n i t y c e n t r e s h a v i n g a p r e s c h o o l p r o g r a m a n d i n o n e e l e m e n t a r y s c h o o l . T h e r a t i o n a l e f o r c h o o s i n g m o t h e r s o f p r e s c h o o l e r s w a s t h r e e f o l d . F i r s t , a s m o t h e r s a r e o f t e n t h e p r i m a r y c a r e g i v e r s , t h e y a r e l i k e l y t o e x p e r i e n c e a n g e r m o r e f r e q u e n t l y ( a l t h o u g h p a t e r n a l e x p e r i e n c e s o f a n g e r w o u l d b e w e l l w o r t h s t u d y i n g i n d u e c o u r s e ) . S e c o n d , p r e s c h o o l e r s a r e l e a r n i n g h o w t o b e h a v e i n t h e w o r l d . M o t h e r s o f p r e s c h o o l e r s b e g i n t o i n t r o d u c e s i m p l e e x p e c t a t i o n s o f c h i l d r e n f r o m t h e a g e o f o n e y e a r o n w a r d s , e . g . , n o t t h r o w i n g f o o d o n t h e f l o o r . T h i s c r e a t e s t e n s i o n b e t w e e n p a r e n t s a n d c h i l d r e n a n d o p p o r t u n i t i e s f o r a n g e r o c c u r . T h i r d , a s p r e v i o u s l y m e n t i o n e d , i t w a s m o t h e r s w h o s p o k e t o me a b o u t t h e i s s u e o f a n g e r a n d c o n t r i b u t e d t o t h e r e s e a r c h q u e s t i o n . T h i s s t u d y f o c u s e d o n m o t h e r s w h o h a d p r e s c h o o l c h i l d r e n b e t w e e n t h e a g e s o f 2 a n d 5 . T h e r e s e a r c h e r 7 2 j u d g e d t h a t c h i l d r e n f r o m 2 y e a r s o n a r e g e n e r a l l y v e r b a l a n d c a n c o m m u n i c a t e w i t h a p a r e n t . T h e r e f o r e , i n a n a n g e r - p r o v o k i n g i n c i d e n t , a m o t h e r c a n g e n e r a l l y r e l y o n i n f o r m a t i o n p r o v i d e d b y t h e c h i l d r a t h e r t h a n s o l e l y o n i n f e r e n c e s a s w i t h y o u n g e r c h i l d r e n . T h e r e s e a r c h e r i n c l u d e d m o t h e r s o f c h i l d r e n a g e s 2 , 3 , 4, a n d 5 - - c h i l d r e n w h o h a d n o t y e t e n t e r e d t h e s c h o o l s y s t e m . T h i s w a s c o n s i d e r e d t o b e a l o g i c a l g r o u p i n g e v e n t h o u g h d e v e l o p m e n t a l l y , t h e r e i s a g r e a t d i f f e r e n c e b e t w e e n a 2 y e a r o l d a n d a 5 y e a r o l d . T w e l v e m o t h e r s r e s p o n d e d a n d p a r t i c i p a t e d i n t h e r e s e a r c h . D a t a f r o m 1 1 i n t e r v i e w s w a s u s e d i n t h e s t u d y . D a t a f r o m o n e p a r t i c i p a n t w a s e x c l u d e d b e c a u s e t h e m o t h e r w a s a r e c e n t i m m i g r a n t t o C a n a d a a n d s p o k e E n g l i s h a s a s e c o n d l a n g u a g e ; t h e r e m a i n i n g 1 1 p a r t i c i p a n t s w e r e e i t h e r C a n a d i a n b o r n o r h a d c o m e t o C a n a d a a s c h i l d r e n , w e r e e d u c a t e d i n C a n a d a , a n d s p o k e E n g l i s h f l u e n t l y . T h e r e s e a r c h e r d e c i d e d t o r e t a i n t h e d a t a o f t h e m o r e h o m o g e n o u s g r o u p f o r t h e p u r p o s e s o f t h i s s t u d y . I t i s p o s s i b l e t h a t a n g e r i s e x p e r i e n c e d d i f f e r e n t l y i n a d i f f e r e n t c u l t u r e . T w o o f t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s w e r e f r i e n d s o f t h e r e s e a r c h e r , 3 w e r e a c q u a i n t a n c e s ( m o t h e r s w h o s e c h i l d r e n p a r t i c i p a t e d i n t h e s a m e p r o g r a m s a s o n e o f t h e r e s e a r c h e r ' s c h i l d r e n ) , 3 w e r e w o r k i n g c o l l e a g u e s , a n d 3 w e r e u n k n o w n t o t h e 73 researcher p r i o r to the interview. A l l the participants were married. The participants were Caucasian and ranged i n age from 29 to 48, the mean age being 36.36. Each p a r t i c i p a n t had at least one preschool c h i l d . A l l the children were natural with the exception of one participant who had 2 natural children and 1 foster c h i l d : 7 participants had 2 children, 2 participants had 3 children, and 2 participants had 4 children. Six participants were at home fu l l - t i m e , 1 was at home on-leave for a year, 3 worked part-time (2-3 days a week), and 1 worked f u l l -time. Family income was i n the mid-income range--this was deduced both from the participants 1 and spouses 1 occupations and from t h e i r accommodation. Mean education of the participants was 3.6 years post-secondary. Six participants had taken parenting courses. A l l 11 mothers had read books or seen videos on parenting. A l l the children had attended preschool or community centre programmes 1 to 3 times a week. None of the children were described by the participants as being temperamentally d i f f i c u l t . Procedures P i l o t Study In October and November 1993, a p i l o t study was conducted to evaluate the interview format and to 74 d e t e r m i n e i f t h e c o n s t r u c t o f t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r w o u l d b e e a s i l y g r a s p e d b y p a r t i c i p a n t s . T w o p a r t i c i p a n t s w e r e i n t e r v i e w e d . E a c h i n t e r v i e w f o l l o w e d t h e c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t i n t e r v i e w f o r m a t . A f t e r t h e i n t e r v i e w , e a c h p a r t i c i p a n t w a s a s k e d t o c o m m e n t o n t h e f o r m a t a n d q u e s t i o n s . B o t h p a r t i c i p a n t s f o u n d i t m o r e d i f f i c u l t t o r e c a l l c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e s o f a n g e r t h a n c o n t r a s t i n g s c e n a r i o s . T w o m i n o r p r o b l e m s w e r e a l s o n o t e d . F i r s t , t h e t a p e o f t h e s e c o n d i n t e r v i e w w a s f a i n t a n d d i f f i c u l t t o t r a n s c r i b e . T h e d i s t a n c e o f t h e e l e c t r i c a l o u t l e t t o o u r s i t t i n g a r e a p l a c e d t h e t a p e r e c o r d e r o u t o f r a n g e . I t w a s d e c i d e d a l w a y s t o b r i n g a n e x t e n s i o n c o r d t o i n t e r v i e w s t o o v e r c o m e t h i s t e c h n i c a l p r o b l e m . S e c o n d , t h e o r i g i n a l d e m o g r a p h i c q u e s t i o n n a i r e a s k e d t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s t o i d e n t i f y f a m i l y i n c o m e . H e s i t a t i o n a n d d i s c o m f o r t w a s n o t e d i n b o t h c a s e s . U p o n c o n s u l t a t i o n w i t h my t h e s i s a d v i s o r , i t w a s d e c i d e d t o r e p l a c e t h i s q u e s t i o n w i t h a r e q u e s t f o r t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s ' a n d s p o u s e s ' o c c u p a t i o n . S u b s e q u e n t l y t h e i n t e r v i e w s w e r e t a p e r e c o r d e d a n d t r a n s c r i b e d . T h e p i l o t s t u d y f o u n d t h a t t h e q u e s t i o n w a s e a s i l y u n d e r s t o o d b y t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s a n d t h e t r a n s c r i b e d s t o r i e s r e v e a l e d r i c h e v i d e n c e s u p p o r t i n g t h e c o n s t r u c t o f t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r . T h e t r u s t i n t h e s e t w o i n t e r v i e w s w a s a l s o s u f f i c i e n t t o 75 allow both participants to share stories about constructive and less constructive uses of anger. The researcher discussed the p i l o t with an Early Childhood Educator and, at her suggestion, decided to ask i n the opening set of questions about the participant's and the chil d ' s temperament. This was to screen for a c h i l d with a d i f f i c u l t temperament as defined by Thomas et a l . (1963) . As there were no major changes to the interview format and as the information about the mother's and the chil d ' s temperament could be e a s i l y i n f e r r e d from each interview, the p i l o t interview data i s included i n this study. Chronological Description Participants were interviewed over an 11 month period from October 1993 to September 1994. Participants who spoke to me or who were referred by a f r i e n d were phoned. During this preliminary interview, the prospective participants were informed of the purpose of the study, the c o n f i d e n t i a l i t y provisions, the structure of the interview, and the estimated time commitment. The t h i r d interview, unexpectedly, highlighted some d i f f i c u l t i e s . This mother could r e c a l l only two incidents of getting angry with her c h i l d , although 76 some time l a t e r , she did send me notes on two additional incidents and her r e f l e c t i o n s on anger. Consequently, i n the preliminary telephone interview, the directions to the participants were more s p e c i f i c . The three parts of the interview were described and the participants were t o l d that they would be r e t e l l i n g stories i n which they had become angry with t h e i r c h i l d . If the participant required further c l a r i f i c a t i o n , a constructive and a coercive incident from a previous interview were described. The participants were interviewed i n a comfortable setting at a mutually convenient time. Money for c h i l d care was offered, but was declined by a l l the participants. Ten of the participants were interviewed i n t h e i r homes, one was interviewed i n the researcher's home. The interviews took just under two hours to complete and followed the same protocol (Appendix B). Each participant was reoriented to the purpose of the study and to the c o n f i d e n t i a l i t y provisions. Each participant signed a consent form (Appendix C) and completed a demographic questionnaire (Appendix D). At the st a r t of the interview, each participant was asked four questions as a way of establishing rapport: 1. What are some of the good aspects of your relationship with your child? 2. How would you describe the temperament of your child? 77 3 . H o w w o u l d y o u d e s c r i b e y o u r t e m p e r a m e n t ? 4 . D e s c r i b e t h e v i s i o n t h a t y o u h a v e o f y o u r c h i l d a s a n a d u l t . W h a t c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s w o u l d y o u l i k e h i m / h e r t o h a v e ? N e x t , c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t s w e r e g a t h e r e d . T h e p a r t i c i p a n t s w e r e a s k e d t o t e l l t w o o r t h r e e s t o r i e s o f t i m e s w h e n t h e y u s e d a n g e r c o n s t r u c t i v e l y . T h i s p a r t o f t h e i n t e r v i e w w a s i n t r o d u c e d w i t h t h e f o l l o w i n g r e m a r k s : I b e l i e v e t h a t b o t h l o v e a n d a n g e r a r e p a r t o f t h e p a r e n t a l e x p e r i e n c e . I am p a r t i c u l a r l y i n t e r e s t e d i n k n o w i n g w h a t h e l p s o r w h a t h i n d e r s u s f r o m u s i n g o u r a n g e r c o n s t r u c t i v e l y . B y c o n s t r u c t i v e a n g e r , I m e a n a t i m e w h e n y o u w e r e r e a l l y a n g r y w i t h y o u r c h i l d , y e t y o u d i d s o m e t h i n g o r s o m e o n e e l s e d i d s o m e t h i n g a n d y o u u s e d y o u r a n g e r c o n s t r u c t i v e l y . I w o u l d l i k e y o u t o t h i n k b a c k t o a n i n c i d e n t a n d b r i n g i t c l e a r l y t o m i n d . T e l l me w h a t l e d u p t o t h e i n c i d e n t , w h a t h a p p e n e d , a n d w h a t w a s t h e r e s u l t . A f t e r e l i c i t i n g t w o o r t h r e e s t o r i e s , t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s w e r e a s k e d t o r e c a l l i n c i d e n t s o f t i m e s w h e n t h e y h a d n o t u s e d a n g e r c o n s t r u c t i v e l y : T o h e l p me c o n t r a s t c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e s o f a n g e r , c a n y o u n o w d e s c r i b e a t i m e w h e n y o u b e c a m e a n g r y w i t h y o u r c h i l d , b u t t h e o u t c o m e w a s n o t s a t i s f a c t o r y ? T e l l me w h a t l e d u p t o t h e i n c i d e n t , w h a t h a p p e n e d , a n d w h a t w a s t h e r e s u l t . C a r e w a s t a k e n n o t t o a s k a n y l e a d i n g q u e s t i o n s a f t e r t h i s i n t r o d u c t i o n . T h r o u g h o u t t h e i n t e r v i e w , t h e r e s e a r c h e r u s e d a c t i v e l i s t e n i n g , p a r a p h r a s i n g , c l a r i f y i n g , a n d s u m m a r i z i n g s t a t e m e n t s a n d q u e s t i o n s . T h e f i n a l p a r t o f t h e i n t e r v i e w c o n s i s t e d o f 1 3 78 s t r u c t u r e d q u e s t i o n s t h a t w e r e d e r i v e d f r o m a p r e l i m i n a r y l i t e r a t u r e r e v i e w ( s e e A p p e n d i x B ) . E a c h q u e s t i o n w i t h i t s s y n o p s i s i s i n c l u d e d i n t h e n e x t c h a p t e r . A t a b o u t t h e e i g h t h i n t e r v i e w , t h e i n c i d e n t s b e g a n t o r e p e a t t h e m s e l v e s . S o m e o f t h e s t o r i e s h a d c o m m o n f e a t u r e s . T h e r e s e a r c h e r c o n d u c t e d a n a d d i t i o n a l t h r e e i n t e r v i e w s t o e n s u r e t h a t n o n e w s t o r i e s w e r e p r e s e n t e d . A n a l y s i s o f t h e I n f o r m a t i o n E a c h i n t e r v i e w w a s t a p e r e c o r d e d , a n d t h e n t r a n s c r i b e d w i t h e a c h i n c i d e n t t y p e d o n t o a s e p a r a t e s h e e t o f p a p e r . T h e i n c i d e n t s w e r e r e c o r d e d i n t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s ' o w n w o r d s w i t h s o m e v e r y m i n o r c h a n g e s f o r c l a r i t y . V a g u e a n d u n c l e a r i n c i d e n t s w e r e d i s c a r d e d . T h e s e w e r e e i t h e r i n s u f f i c i e n t l y c o m p l e t e , d e s c r i b e d a d i s c i p l i n e s t r a t e g y r a t h e r t h a n a n a n g e r - i n d u c i n g i n c i d e n t , d e s c r i b e d t h e m o t h e r r e l i e v i n g a n a n g r y s p o u s e , o r i n v o l v e d a c h i l d y o u n g e r t h a n a g e 2 . I n t e r m s o f a n g e r , t h r e e c r i t e r i a w e r e a p p l i e d . F i r s t , d i d t h e i n c i d e n t i n v o l v e t h e e m o t i o n a l e x p e r i e n c e o f a n g e r ? A d e f i n i t i o n o f a n g e r p r o p o s e d b y O r t o n y , C l o r e , a n d C o l l i n s ( c i t e d i n C l o r e e t a l . , 1 9 9 3 ) p r o v e d h e l p f u l . A n g e r , t h e y p o s i t , o c c u r s w h e n w e j u d g e a n 79 e v e n t u n d e s i r a b l e a n d t h e t a r g e t o f o u r a n g e r b l a m e w o r t h y . We r e a c t w i t h b o t h d i s p l e a s u r e a n d d i s a p p r o v a l a n d t h i s g e n e r a l l y l e a d s t o t h e e m o t i o n o f a n g e r . I n c i d e n t s w e r e d i s c a r d e d i f a n g e r a p p e a r e d t o b e a b s e n t . S e c o n d , w a s t h e i n c i d e n t c o m p l e t e ? W a s i t c l e a r w h a t h a p p e n e d a n d h o w i t w a s r e s o l v e d ? F i n a l l y , w a s i t c l e a r w h a t f a c i l i t a t e d o r w h a t h i n d e r e d t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r ? T h r o u g h o u t t h e i n t e r v i e w , a t t h e c o n c l u s i o n o f e a c h i n c i d e n t t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s w e r e a s k e d t o s t a t e f r o m t h e i r v i e w p o i n t w h a t f a c i l i t a t e d o r h i n d e r e d t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r : S o t h a t I d o n o t m i s i n t e r p r e t y o u r s t o r y , w h a t w o u l d y o u s a y h e l p e d ( h i n d e r e d ) t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r i n t h a t i n c i d e n t ? N e x t i n c i d e n t s w e r e s o r t e d i n t o t w o b a s i c g r o u p i n g s , c o n s t r u c t i v e a n d c o e r c i v e u s e s o f a n g e r . C o e r c i o n i n t h i s s t u d y i n c l u d e s b o t h v e r b a l a n d p h y s i c a l a c t s ; i t r e f e r s t o t h e e n f o r c e m e n t o f t h e m o t h e r ' s d e c i s i o n b y t h r e a t o r f o r c e . I t s o o n b e c a m e a p p a r e n t t h a t t h e i n c i d e n t s n e c e s s i t a t e d a t h i r d g r o u p i n g , a c o e r c i v e u s e o f a n g e r w i t h a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n . T o a r r i v e a t t h e s e g r o u p i n g s , t h e r e s e a r c h e r r e a d a n d r e - r e a d t h e i n c i d e n t s n o t i n g p a t t e r n s a n d u n d e r l y i n g s t r u c t u r e s t h a t g a v e m e a n i n g a n d p r e d i c t a b i l i t y t o a p a r t i c u l a r s t o r y . T h e s e p a t t e r n s 80 and questions about where best to place some stories were discussed and c l a r i f i e d with the researcher's thesis advisor. The researcher sorted and resorted the stories many times to confirm the three basic response plo t s . Once these three plots were established, the researcher read and re-read the groupings dwelling on c r i t i c a l features. It became apparent that there were differences within the groups. The researcher decided to sort the incidents according to the f i r s t event/experience that arrested anger: (a) responsive self-awareness, (b) empathy, (c) separation, and (d) r e l i e f . This i n i t i a l l y yielded seven possible plots which the researcher put into a table to demonstrate the s i m i l a r i t i e s and differences between the plot s . During the interviews and while reading the transcribed stories, the researcher noted some commonalities. F i r s t , many stories described anger arousal occurring i n response to recurring c o n f l i c t s or re p e t i t i v e interruptions. Second, i n many stories the mother was responding under a time constraint or when t i r e d . Third, many stories described increased anger in response to an openly defiant c h i l d . These key words seemed important. The researcher decided to c a r e f u l l y analyze the stories i n which these events or 8 1 s t r e s s o r s o c c u r r e d a n d d i d a f r e q u e n c y c o u n t t o d e t e r m i n e t h e i n f l u e n c e o f t h e s e f a c t o r s o n a n g e r a r o u s a l . R e l i a b i l i t y a n d V a l i d i t y I n o r d e r t o t e s t t h e r e l i a b i l i t y a n d v a l i d i t y o f t h e s t o r y p l o t s , i n t e r - r a t e r r e l i a b i l i t y t e c h n i q u e s w e r e u s e d . I n d e p e n d e n t R a t e r s A n i n t e r - r a t e r r e l i a b i l i t y c h e c k i s o n e w a y t o e s t a b l i s h t h e r e l i a b i l i t y o f t h e s t o r y p l o t s . T w o i n d e p e n d e n t r a t e r s , f e l l o w g r a d u a t e s t u d e n t s w h o w e r e f a m i l i a r w i t h q u a l i t a t i v e m e t h o d o l o g y , w e r e a s k e d t o s o r t t h e i n c i d e n t s i n t o t h e c a t e g o r i e s p r o v i d e d b y t h e r e s e a r c h e r . E a c h s e s s i o n o c c u r r e d i n d e p e n d e n t l y o f t h e o t h e r . A s a m p l e , 1 8 i n c i d e n t s , w a s s o r t e d . T h e s a m p l e i n c l u d e d i n c i d e n t s r a n d o m l y s e l e c t e d f r o m e a c h c a t e g o r y . T h e r e s e a r c h e r d e s c r i b e d e a c h s t o r y p l o t a n d e m p h a s i z e d k e y d i s t i n g u i s h i n g f e a t u r e s t o t h e r a t e r . W h e n e a c h r a t e r w a s e n g a g e d i n s o r t i n g t h e s a m p l e , t h e r e s e a r c h e r o b s e r v e d t h e p r o c e s s s o t h a t t h e r a t e r c o u l d b e q u e s t i o n e d r e g a r d i n g c l a s s i f i c a t i o n d e c i s i o n s . I n u n c o v e r i n g t h e r a t e r ' s r e a s o n i n g , i t i s p o s s i b l e t o d i s c o v e r l e g i t i m a t e q u a n d a r i e s o r o v e r s i g h t s i n t h e c a t e g o r y s y s t e m . T h i s i n f o r m a t i o n m a y b e h e l p f u l i n 82 i m p r o v i n g t h e c a t e g o r y s y s t e m . T h e r e s e a r c h e r d e c i d e d i n a d v a n c e t h a t t h e c o r r e c t c l a s s i f i c a t i o n o f e i g h t y p e r c e n t o f t h e s a m p l e w o u l d i n d i c a t e s a t i s f a c t o r y r e l i a b i l i t y . I n f a c t , t w o q u e r i e s o n t h e s a m e i n c i d e n t b y e a c h o f t h e r a t e r s l e d t o t h e c r e a t i o n o f o n e n e w c a t e g o r y . T h e n e w c a t e g o r y i n c l u d e d s t o r i e s i n w h i c h t h e m o t h e r i n i t i a l l y r e s p o n d e d c o n s t r u c t i v e l y , b u t t h e r e s o l u t i o n w a s c o e r c i v e o r d e t r i m e n t a l t o t h e c h i l d . L i t e r a t u r e R e v i e w Q u e s t i o n s A n a l y s i s T h e s e c o n d p h a s e o f a n a l y s i s e x a m i n e d t h e r e s p o n s e s t o t h e q u e s t i o n s d e r i v e d f r o m t h e p r e l i m i n a r y r e s e a r c h i n t e r v i e w . T h e r e s p o n s e s u n d e r w e n t a t h e m a t i c a n a l y s i s . E a c h p a r t i c i p a n t ' s r e s p o n s e s w e r e t r a n s c r i b e d o n t o i n d i v i d u a l s h e e t s . N e x t , t h e i n d i v i d u a l r e s p o n s e s w e r e c o l l a t e d u n d e r t h e r e l e v a n t q u e s t i o n . T h i s p r o v i d e d a c o m p o s i t e s h e e t o f t h e r e s p o n s e s t o e a c h q u e s t i o n . T h e q u e s t i o n a n d t h e r e s p o n s e s w e r e r e a d a n d r e -r e a d s e v e r a l t i m e s . T h e r e s p o n s e s w e r e c o n s i d e r e d i n f o l l o w i n g w a y s : 1 . W h a t w e r e t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s ' r e s p o n s e s i n l i g h t o f t h e o r i g i n a l s o u r c e ( s ) f o r t h e q u e s t i o n ? D i d t h e p a r t i c i p a n t r e s p o n s e s s u p p o r t , c o n t r a d i c t , o r c l a r i f y t h e o r i g i n a l s o u r c e ( s ) f o r t h e q u e s t i o n ? 83 2. W a s t h e i n f o r m a t i o n q u a n t i f i a b l e ? I n f a c t , 2 o f t h e 13 q u e s t i o n s p r o d u c e d c l e a r q u a n t i f i a b l e i n f o r m a t i o n . K e y w o r d s w e r e h i g h l i g h t e d i n d i f f e r e n t c o l o u r s , t a b u l a t e d , a n d r e c o r d e d o n a t a b l e . 3. T h e r e s p o n s e s w e r e r e a d s e v e r a l t i m e s f o r c o m m o n t h e m e s a n d s t r i k i n g d i f f e r e n c e s . T h e r e p e t i t i o n o f k e y w o r d s o r p h r a s e s e s t a b l i s h e d e a c h t h e m e . K e y w o r d s m a r k i n g c o m m o n a l i t i e s w e r e h i g h l i g h t e d w i t h a m a r k e r . T h e r e s u l t s o f t h i s t h e m a t i c a n a l y s i s w e r e c o n d e n s e d i n t o a s y n o p s i s f o r e a c h q u e s t i o n . W h e r e a p p r o p r i a t e i l l u s t r a t i v e q u o t e s w e r e s e l e c t e d t o v a l i d a t e t h e r e s e a r c h e r ' s s t a t e m e n t s . I n g e n e r a l , t h e r e s p o n s e s w e r e g e n e r a l l y b r i e f a n d m o r e s i m i l a r t h a n d i s s i m i l a r . S t r i k i n g d i s s i m i l a r i t i e s w e r e n o t e d a n d r e c o r d e d . F i n a l l y , o v e r l a p p i n g r e s p o n s e s w e r e c o l l a p s e d a n d s e v e n t h e m e s w e r e i d e n t i f i e d . T h e t h e m e w a s j u d g e d r e l e v a n t i f i t a n s w e r e d t h e q u e s t i o n , " W h a t t h i n k i n g o r e x p e r i e n c e f a c i l i t a t e s t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r ? " S u m m a r y T h i s c h a p t e r p r e s e n t e d t h e r e s e a r c h d e s i g n f o r t h i s s t u d y , t h e p u r p o s e o f w h i c h i s t o u n d e r s t a n d , f r o m t h e v i e w p o i n t o f m o t h e r s o f p r e s c h o o l e r s , w h a t f a c t o r s f a c i l i t a t e a n d h i n d e r t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r . 84 M o t h e r s o f p r e s c h o o l c h i l d r e n w e r e r e c r u i t e d t h r o u g h a n o t i c e a n d w o r d o f m o u t h . T o t h i s e n d , s t o r i e s w e r e c o l l e c t e d u s i n g t h e C r i t i c a l I n c i d e n t s I n t e r v i e w . M o t h e r s w e r e a s k e d t o r e c o u n t s t o r i e s o f t i m e s w h e n t h e y h a d u s e d t h e i r a n g e r c o n s t r u c t i v e l y a n d t i m e s w h e n t h e y h a d n o t . S t o r i e s w e r e r e t a i n e d i f t h e y d e s c r i b e d a n g e r , w e r e c o m p l e t e , r e f e r r e d t o t h e m o t h e r ' s e x p e r i e n c e , a n d i n v o l v e d a c h i l d b e t w e e n t h e a g e s o f 2 a n d 5 . N e x t , p a r t i c i p a n t s w e r e a s k e d t o r e s p o n d t o q u e s t i o n s b a s e d o n a p r e l i m i n a r y l i t e r a t u r e r e v i e w . A p i l o t s t u d y w a s c o n d u c t e d i n N o v e m b e r 1 9 9 3 t o e v a l u a t e w h e t h e r t h e c o n s t r u c t o f c o n s t r u c t i v e a n g e r w o u l d b e r e a d i l y u n d e r s t o o d . F r o m F e b r u a r y t o S e p t e m b e r 1 9 9 4 , m o t h e r s w e r e i n t e r v i e w e d i n d i v i d u a l l y . E a c h s e s s i o n t o o k j u s t u n d e r t w o h o u r s . F r o m t h e t a p e r e c o r d e d i n t e r v i e w s a n d n o t e s , i n c i d e n t s w e r e t r a n s c r i b e d o n t o s i n g l e s h e e t s o f p a p e r . T h r e e a n a l y s e s w e r e c a r r i e d o u t . T h e s t o r i e s w e r e a n a l y z e d i n t w o w a y s : ( a ) a n a r r a t i v e a n a l y s i s a n d (b ) a f r e q u e n c y a n a l y s i s o f t h e c o n t r i b u t i n g s t r e s s o r s . T h e q u e s t i o n r e s p o n s e s u n d e r w e n t a t h e m a t i c a n a l y s i s . T h e n a r r a t i v e a n a l y s i s o f t h e i n c i d e n t s l e d t o t h e i d e n t i f i c a t i o n o f f o u r r e s p o n s e a n d r e s o l u t i o n p a t t e r n s 85 a n d t o t h e i d e n t i f i c a t i o n o f f o u r f a c i l i t a t i n g f a c t o r s . W h e n t h e s e t w o g r o u p i n g s w e r e c o m b i n e d o n t o a m a t r i x , e i g h t d i f f e r e n t i a t e d s t o r y p l o t s w e r e i d e n t i f i e d . E a c h s t o r y w a s f u r t h e r a n a l y z e d i n o r d e r t o d e t e r m i n e t h e i n f l u e n c e o f c o n t r i b u t i n g s t r e s s o r s o n t h e t y p e o f r e s p o n s e . E a c h s t o r y w a s a n a l y z e d f o r t h e p r e s e n c e o f c e r t a i n s t o r y f e a t u r e s , i . e . , s i n g l e v e r s u s r e p e t i t i v e c o n f l i c t , t i m e r e s t r a i n t , f a t i g u e , a n d t y p e o f c h i l d r e s p o n s e . T h i s i n f o r m a t i o n w a s t a b u l a t e d a n d e x a m i n e d t o d e t e r m i n e t h e i n f l u e n c e o f a f e a t u r e o n a m o t h e r ' s r e s p o n s e . T h e r e s p o n s e s t o t h e q u e s t i o n s u n d e r w e n t a t h e m a t i c a n a l y s i s . K e y w o r d s o r m e s s a g e s w e r e h i g h l i g h t e d . T h i s l e d t o i d e n t i f i c a t i o n o f s o m e f r e q u e n c y p a t t e r n s a n d t h e i d e n t i f i c a t i o n o f a g e n e r a l r e s p o n s e t o e a c h q u e s t i o n . T h e s e r e s p o n s e s w e r e c o l l a p s e d a n d s u m m a r i z e d i n s e v e n t h e m e s . 86 C H A P T E R 4 R e s u l t s T h i s c h a p t e r p r e s e n t s t h e r e s u l t s o f t w o s t r a n d s o f r e s e a r c h : (a ) t h e c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t s i n t e r v i e w a n d (b ) t h e r e s p o n s e s t o s t r u c t u r e d q u e s t i o n s d e r i v e d f r o m r e s e a r c h f i n d i n g s . I n t h e c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t s s e c t i o n , c a t e g o r i z a t i o n , i n c i d e n t f r e q u e n c y , a n d r e l i a b i l i t y a r e d i s c u s s e d f i r s t . T h e n , f o l l o w s t h e n a r r a t i v e a n a l y s i s o f i n c i d e n t s d e s c r i b i n g t h e c o m m o n f e a t u r e s a n d t h e n t h e d i f f e r e n t i a t e d s t o r y p l o t s . T h e q u e s t i o n r e s p o n s e s e c t i o n i n c l u d e s a s y n o p s i s f o r e a c h q u e s t i o n a n d s u m m a r y o f t h e p r i m a r y t h e m e s . T h e C r i t i c a l I n c i d e n t s I n t e r v i e w R e s u l t s C a t e g o r i z a t i o n T h e s t o r i e s w e r e r e a d a n d r e - r e a d f o r s i m i l a r i t i e s . I t b e c a m e e v i d e n t a f t e r a n a l y z i n g t h e i n c i d e n t s f r o m t h e f i r s t t w o i n t e r v i e w s t h a t i n a d d i t i o n t o t w o c a t e g o r i e s , i . e . , f a c t o r s t h a t f a c i l i t a t e a n d f a c t o r s t h a t h i n d e r t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n o f a n g e r , a t h i r d c a t e g o r y w a s n e c e s s a r y . T h e t h i r d c a t e g o r y i n c l u d e d s t o r i e s i n w h i c h i n i t i a l l y t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n o f a n g e r w a s h i n d e r e d , b u t s o m e t h i n g h a p p e n e d d u r i n g t h e i n t e r a c t i o n t o b r i n g a b o u t a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n . T h e r e s e a r c h e r 87 decided to name these categories according to the mother's response and to the nature of the resolution: (a) a constructive response and resolution, (b) a coercive response with a constructive resolution, (c) a coercive response and resolution and af t e r l i s t e n i n g to comments made by the independent raters, a fourth category was added: (d) a constructive response with a coercive resolution. A further d i s t i n c t i o n was made when the stories were read for the factor that f a c i l i t a t e d or hindered the constructive resolution of anger. This produced four factors: (a) responsive s e l f - awareness, (b) empathy, (c) separation, and (d) r e l i e f . Combining the four response styles with the four f a c i l i t a t i n g factors produced eight d i f f e r e n t i a t e d plots that describe how anger was resolved once i t became aroused i n the mother-child dyads (Table 1 ) . At times, i t was d i f f i c u l t to categorize a story as there would be two or more f a c i l i t a t i n g factors present i n a story, e.g., se l f - awareness and separation. The researcher decided to place a story i n a category based on the f i r s t factor that arrested the anger and preci p i t a t e d a resolution. Representing the category system on a table allows the reader to see the s i m i l a r i t i e s and differences between the story p l o t s . Anaer Resolution Plots F a c i l i t a t i n g Factors Response Responsive Empathy Separation R e l i e f 1 pattern s e l f -awareness I Constructive (8 incidents) (6 (4 incidents) response and -Awareness of incidents) -May be awareL r e s o l u t i o n own f e e l i n g s -May be of own (18 -Decisional aware of own fe e l i n g s incidents) pause: How f e e l i n g s - P r i o r do I handle -Awareness d e c i s i o n a l my f e e l i n g s / of c h i l d ' s pause s i t u a t i o n so perspective - Separation as to not get -Decisional of s u f f i c i e n t - angrier? pause: duration -Non-coercive mentally -Child and response reconsiders mother regain the calm s i t u a t i o n -Non-coercive taking i n t o response account the c h i l d ' s perspective -Non-coercive response Coercive (9 (3 incidents) (3 response incidents) -Coercive i n c i d e n t s ) with a -Coercive response -Coercive constructive response -Coercive response re s o l u t i o n -Awareness separation - Someone (15 of c h i l d ' s - S u f f i c i e n t steps i n incidents) perspective time -Mother -Decisional -Decisional steps back pause pause -Non--Non- -Non-coercive c o e r c i v e coercive response response response Constructive (2 incidents) response -Awareness of with a own f e e l i n g s coercive -Decisional r e s o l u t i o n pause: How (2 do I handle incidents) my f e e l i n g s / s i t u a t i o n so as to not get angrier? -Constructive response -Blaming or punitive re-solution Coercive (11 response incidents) and -Coercive r e s o l u t i o n response (11 -Continued incidents) engagement/ separation of i n s u f f i c i e n t duration -Resolution due to the passage of time 89 I n c i d e n t F r e q u e n c y I n r e s p o n s e t o t h e d i r e c t i o n , " d e s c r i b e a t i m e w h e n y o u u s e d y o u r a n g e r c o n s t r u c t i v e l y a n d a t i m e w h e n y o u u s e d i t l e s s c o n s t r u c t i v e l y , " 11 p a r t i c i p a n t s p r o d u c e d 4 6 u s a b l e i n c i d e n t s . S e v e n i n c i d e n t s w e r e d i s c a r d e d b e c a u s e t h e y : ( a ) w e r e i n c o m p l e t e , (b ) d i d n o t r e f e r t o t h e e m o t i o n o f a n g e r , ( c ) r e f e r r e d t o a c h i l d b e l o w t h e a g e o f 2 , o r (d ) d e s c r i b e d t h e m o t h e r a s s i s t i n g h e r h u s b a n d . O f t h e i n c i d e n t s r e t a i n e d , 18 r e p r e s e n t c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e s a n d r e s o l u t i o n s , 15 w e r e c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e s w i t h c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n s , 2 r e p r e s e n t c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e s w i t h c o e r c i v e r e s o l u t i o n s , a n d 11 r e p r e s e n t c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e s a n d r e s o l u t i o n s . R e l i a b i l i t y I n d e p e n d e n t R a t e r s . T o e s t a b l i s h r e l i a b i l i t y o f t h e d i f f e r e n t s t o r y p l o t s , t w o i n d e p e n d e n t r a t e r s ( f e l l o w g r a d u a t e s t u d e n t s w h o w e r e f a m i l i a r w i t h q u a l i t a t i v e m e t h o d o l o g y ) w e r e u s e d . T h e r e s e a r c h e r r a n d o m l y s e l e c t e d t w o o r t h r e e s t o r i e s f r o m e a c h c a t e g o r y , a t o t a l o f 18 i n c i d e n t s , f o r t h e r a t e r s t o s o r t i n t o t h e e s t a b l i s h e d c a t e g o r i e s . E a c h i n d e p e n d e n t r a t e r w a s t r a i n e d i n t h e k n o w l e d g e o f t h e c a t e g o r y s y s t e m b y l e a r n i n g a b o u t t h e k e y d i s t i n g u i s h i n g f e a t u r e s o f e a c h s t o r y p l o t . T h e n 90 t h e r a t e r w a s a s k e d t o s o r t t h e s a m p l e s t o r i e s i n t o t h e e x i s t i n g c a t e g o r y s y s t e m . A n 80% o r h i g h e r a c c u r a c y w a s d e e m e d r e l i a b l e b y t h e r e s e a r c h e r . T h e r a t e r a c c u r a c y o f 84% a n d 89% s u p p o r t s t h e r e l i a b i l i t y o f t h e s t o r y p l o t s . B a s e d o n t h e r a t e r s ' c o m m e n t s a b o u t t w o s t o r i e s , o n e m o r e c a t e g o r y w e r e c r e a t e d . A c a t e g o r y w a s c r e a t e d t o d e s c r i b e t w o s t o r i e s i n w h i c h s e l f - a w a r e n e s s a r r e s t e d t h e m o t h e r ' s a n g e r b u t t h e r e s o l u t i o n f o r t h e c h i l d w a s c o e r c i v e r a t h e r t h a n c o n s t r u c t i v e . T h i s p l o t a n d t h e o t h e r s a r e d e s c r i b e d i n d e t a i l i n t h e n e x t s e c t i o n . N a r r a t i v e A n a l y s i s T h e n e x t s e c t i o n f i r s t d e s c r i b e s t h e c o m m o n f e a t u r e s o f t h e n a r r a t i v e s : c o n t e x t , a n g e r t r i g g e r s , c o g n i t i v e a p p r a i s a l s , a n d a n g e r . N e x t , t h e d i f f e r e n t i a t e d p l o t s a n d t h e i r d i s t i n g u i s h i n g c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s a r e d e s c r i b e d . E x c e r p t s f r o m t h e c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t s i n t e r v i e w s a r e i n c l u d e d t o i l l u s t r a t e t h e p l o t s . C o n t e x t I n g e n e r a l , a n a n g e r - p r o d u c i n g i n c i d e n t a r o s e a t a n y t i m e a n d u s u a l l y r e p r e s e n t e d c o n f l i c t i n g n e e d s o r a g e n d a s , e . g . , t h e m o t h e r w a n t s t o f i n i s h h e r p i e a n d t h e c h i l d i s s e e k i n g m o t h e r ' s a t t e n t i o n ; t h e m o t h e r 91 wants to leave the house and the c h i l d wants to continue playing. In this section, analyses of the influence of (a) the setting, (b) single versus recurring c o n f l i c t s , (c) single versus r e p e t i t i v e interruptions, (d) time constraints, (e) fatigue, and (e) c h i l d responses are presented. The intent of each analysis i s to determine the influence of these elements on anger arousal and on the use of coercion. 1. Setting. Most of the incidents, 38 (82%), occurred i n the privacy of the home. Of these 38 incidents, only 8 occurred when the husband was present i n the home. Of the remaining 8 (18%) incidents, 3 occurred i n public settings and 5 i n semi-public settings, such as i n front of friends or extended family. In these public and semi-public settings, mothers r e l i e d on verbal responses to anger (the use of reason, assertion, threat, or compromise) i n 4 incidents and physical coercion (coercive removal) i n 4 incidents. Within the home, physical coercion occurred i n 14 incidents (30%): 4 incidents involved a coercive removal, 6 involved pushing or shaking the c h i l d , and 4 involved h i t t i n g or spanking the c h i l d . From the above data, a public or semi-public 92 s e t t i n g a c t e d a s a c o n s t r a i n t o n p h y s i c a l l y c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e s . A n g e r a r o u s a l a n d p h y s i c a l c o e r c i o n o c c u r r e d m o r e f r e q u e n t l y w i t h i n t h e p r i v a c y o f t h e h o m e a n d w h e n t h e m o t h e r w a s a l o n e w i t h t h e c h i l d r e n . 2. A S i n g l e E v e n t v e r s u s a R e c u r r i n g C o n f l i c t . T h e s t o r i e s w e r e e x a m i n e d t o d e t e r m i n e w h e t h e r a n g e r w a s a r o u s e d m o r e f r e q u e n t l y i n r e s p o n s e t o a s i n g l e e v e n t o r a r e c u r r i n g c o n f l i c t ( s e e T a b l e 2). E x a m p l e s o f r e c u r r i n g c o n f l i c t s b e t w e e n t h e m o t h e r s a n d t h e c h i l d r e n o c c u r r e d o v e r p u t t i n g a w a y t o y s , b e d t i m e r o u t i n e s , a n d r e f u s a l t o p a r t i c i p a t e i n l e s s o n s . S i n g l e e v e n t c o n f l i c t s (21 c o n f l i c t s o r 46%) w e r e f u r t h e r s u b d i v i d e d i n t o t w o g r o u p s : ( a ) s u d d e n , u n e x p e c t e d , e v e n t s (17 o r 37%), e . g . , a c h i l d b r e a k i n g a b o w l a n d (b ) e v e n t s (4 o r 9%) t h a t c o n t a i n e d a n e l e m e n t o f d a n g e r o r f e a r a n d g a v e r i s e t o a n a d r e n a l i n r e s p o n s e ( q u i c k , r a p i d r e a c t i o n ) , e . g . , a c h i l d o p e n i n g a d o o r o f a m o v i n g c a r o r a c h i l d s l a p p i n g t h e m o t h e r . I n t h i s l a t t e r g r o u p , t h e a d r e n a l i n r e s p o n s e i n c i d e n t s , t h e m o t h e r a c t e d q u i c k l y t o p r o t e c t h e r c h i l d o r h e r s e l f a n d a t t h e s a m e t i m e , s h e o f t e n c o m m u n i c a t e d h e r f e a r o r h u r t t o t h e c h i l d i n a n a n g r y m a n n e r . W h e n t h e n u m b e r o f s i n g l e e v e n t s t h a t l e d t o a n g e r a r o u s a l i s c o m p a r e d t o t h e n u m b e r o f e v e n t s t h a t 93 r e p r e s e n t r e c u r r i n g c o n f l i c t s , a s l i m m a j o r i t y o f t h e i n c i d e n t s (25 o r 54%) r e p r e s e n t e d r e c u r r i n g c o n f l i c t s . T h e r e f o r e , t h i s d a t a s u g g e s t t h a t s i n g l e e v e n t s a n d r e p e t i t i v e e v e n t s c o n t r i b u t e e q u a l l y t o a n g e r a r o u s a l . T a b l e 2 F r e q u e n c y o f A n g e r i n R e s p o n s e t o a S i n g l e E v e n t o r t o a R e c u r r i n g C o n f l i c t R e s p o n s e N u m b e r o f S i n g l e R e c u r r i n g p a t t e r n s i n c i d e n t s e v e n t c o n f l i c t C o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e a n d r e s o l u t i o n 18 8 (.44)b 10 (.56) C o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e w i t h a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n 15 6 (.40) 9 (.60) C o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e w i t h a c o e r c i v e r e s o l u t i o n 2a 0 (.00) 2 (1.00) C o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e a n d r e s o l u t i o n 11 7 (.64) 4 (.46) T o t a l n u m b e r o f o c c u r r e n c e s 46 21 (.46) 25 (.54) a T h i s i s i n s u f f i c i e n t t o d r a w a n y i n f e r e n c e s . b T h e p e r c e n t a g e r e p r e s e n t s t h e n u m b e r o f i n c i d e n t s d i v i d e d b y t h e n u m b e r o f i n c i d e n t s i n e a c h c a t e g o r y , e . g . , 8/18 = .44. F u r t h e r m o r e , t h e d a t a s u g g e s t t h a t c o n s t r u c t i v e 94 responses to recurring c o n f l i c t s are possible. This conclusion results from a within category analysis. Within the f i r s t category, the constructive response and resolution category, 10 of the 18 incidents (56%) represent recurring c o n f l i c t s yet the mother responded constructively. 3. Single interruption versus a r e p e t i t i v e interruption. Given that A v e r i l l (1982) and Heusser (1987) found that an interruption of an on-going a c t i v i t y led to anger arousal, the stories i n this study were analyzed to determine the influence of interruptions on anger arousal. The analysis revealed that interruptions occurred i n 20 (43%) of the incidents. These interruptions were examined further to determine the influence of a single or r e p e t i t i v e interruption on anger arousal. The data revealed that r e p e t i t i v e interruptions aroused anger i n 15 (33%) of the incidents while single interruptions accounted for 5 (10%) of the t o t a l number of incidents. Therefore, interruptions, i n p a r t i c u l a r r e p e t i t i v e interruptions, contribute to anger arousal. This finding corroborates those of A v e r i l l and Heusser. 4. The Presence of a Time Constraint or Fatigue. In this study, participants mentioned being under a time constraint or being t i r e d . Many of the mothers 95 reported fatigue due to getting up at night to care for an infant or being the sole caregiver for the greater part of the day. Therefore an analysis (Table 3) of these stressors seemed appropriate. A time constraint featured i n 8 (17%) of the st o r i e s . Fatigue featured i n 12 (26%) of the incidents. Table 3 Frequency of Time Constraints and Fatigue i n Each Response Category Response Patterns Number of incidents Time Constraint Fatigue Constructive response and resolution 18 2 (.11) 2 (.11) Coercive response with CL constructive resolution 15 2 (.13) 4 (.27) Constructive response and coercive resolution 2a 0 (.00) 1 (.50) Coercive response and resolution 11 4 (.36) 5 (.45) Total number of occurrences 46 8 (.17) 12 (.26) aThis i s i n s u f f i c i e n t to draw any inferences. Time constraints and fatigue occurred most often 9 6 i n t h e c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e a n d r e s o l u t i o n c a t e g o r y . T h e r e f o r e , t i m e c o n s t r a i n t s a n d f a t i g u e i n c r e a s e t h e l i k e l i h o o d o f c o e r c i o n . H o w e v e r , a s t i m e c o n s t r a i n t s a n d f a t i g u e w e r e a l s o p r e s e n t i n c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e a n d r e s o l u t i o n i n c i d e n t s , i t w o u l d b e i n c o r r e c t t o a s s u m e t h a t t h e p r e s e n c e o f a t i m e c o n s t r a i n t o r f a t i g u e p r e d i c t a c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e . 5 . I n f l u e n c e o f t h e C h i l d ' s R e s p o n s e . N e x t , t h e i n c i d e n t s w e r e a n a l y z e d t o d e t e r m i n e w h e t h e r a c h i l d ' s r e s p o n s e ( t r i g g e r i n g b e h a v i o u r ) , ( a ) d e l a y , (b ) r e f u s a l , ( c ) e s c a l a t i o n , o r (d ) t e m p e r a m e n t a l o u t b u r s t , i n f l u e n c e d t h e a n g e r r e s p o n s e ( s e e T a b l e 4 ) . D e l a y i s d e f i n e d a s t h e c h i l d a v o i d i n g a t a s k , e . g . , " T h e k i d s w e r e j u s t h a n g i n g b a c k . " R e f u s a l r e f e r s t o t h e c h i l d s a y i n g a d e f i n i t e , " N o . I d o n ' t w a n t t o . " E s c a l a t i o n r e f e r s t o t h e c h i l d e n g a g i n g i n a v e r b a l o r p h y s i c a l p o w e r s t r u g g l e w i t h t h e m o t h e r , e . g . , " ' G o t o y o u r r o o m . ' ' N o , y o u h a v e t o m a k e m e . ' " T e m p e r a m e n t a l o u t b u r s t r e f e r s t o t h e c h i l d l o s i n g b e h a v i o r a l c o n t r o l o r h a v i n g a t a n t r u m . D e l a y , e s c a l a t i o n , r e f u s a l , a n d u p s e t o c c u r r e d i n a l l t h e r e s p o n s e c a t e g o r i e s . T h e r e s u l t s s h o w t h a t r e f u s a l o c c u r r e d i n 2 1 (46%) o f t h e i n c i d e n t s . T h e r e f o r e , r e f u s a l i s a n i m p o r t a n t f e a t u r e i n a n a n g e r -p r o v o k i n g i n c i d e n t a n d c o n t r i b u t e s t o a n g e r a r o u s a l . 97 Notably, i n 10 of the 11 incidents i n the coercive response and resolution category, refusal was present. Table 4 Frequency of Child Behaviours i n Each Response Category Response Total Delay Refusal Esca- Upset Patterns number l a t i o n (Tan-of trum) i n c i -dents Constructive response and 18 2 4 2 4 resolution (.11) (.22) (.11) (.22) Coercive response and constructive 15 3 6 5 3 resolution (.20) (.40) (.33) (.20) Constructive response and coercive 2a 1 1 0 1 resolution (.50) (.50) (.00) (.50) Coercive response and 11 3 10 3 1 resolution (.27) (.91) (.27) (.09) Total number 46 9 21 10 9 of incidents (.20) (.46) (.22) (.20) Note. The t o t a l accross the row exceeds the t o t a l number of incidents. If a c h i l d refused a mother's request, the response was recorded under r e f u s a l . If the c h i l d then went on to protest, the behaviour was recorded under escalation as well. a An i n s u f f i c i e n t number of incidents to draw any inferences. 98 R e f u s a l i n c r e a s e s t h e l i k e l i h o o d o f a c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e . H o w e v e r , r e f u s a l w a s p r e s e n t i n a l l t h e o t h e r r e s p o n s e c a t e g o r i e s a s w e l l . T h e r e f o r e , w h i l e r e f u s a l i n c r e a s e s t h e l i k e l i h o o d o f a c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e , i t d o e s n o t p r e d i c t i t . T r i g g e r s T h i s s t u d y a l s o f o u n d t h a t c h i l d b e h a v i o u r s t h a t t r i g g e r a n g e r a r o u s a l i n t h e m o t h e r a r e t h e m s e l v e s n o t s u f f i c i e n t t o p r e d i c t a m o t h e r ' s r e s p o n s e . T h e t r i g g e r s i n c l u d e d b e h a v i o u r s s u c h a s a t t e n t i o n - s e e k i n g , h u r t i n g a n o t h e r c h i l d , d e l a y i n g i n r e s p o n s e t o a r e q u e s t , o u t r i g h t d e f i a n c e , a n d a c c i d e n t a l b u t d a n g e r o u s a c t s . I n t h e i n c i d e n t s c o l l e c t e d , t h e s a m e c h i l d b e h a v i o u r c a l l e d f o r t h d i f f e r e n t r e s p o n s e s . O f t e n m o t h e r s g a v e c o n t r a s t i n g s t o r i e s , e . g . , o v e r p u t t i n g a w a y t o y s , t h e s a m e m o t h e r d e s c r i b e d a n g r i l y t a k i n g t h e t o y s o u t t o a g a r b a g e c a n a n d a n o t h e r t i m e , i n t e n t i o n a l l y m o d e l l i n g t h e d e s i r e d b e h a v i o u r ; o v e r h e r d a u g h t e r ' s r e f u s a l t o g e t d r e s s e d , a m o t h e r d e s c r i b e d b e c o m i n g f u r i o u s o n e t i m e a n d a n o t h e r t i m e , b r e a k i n g i n t o l a u g h t e r . T h e r e f o r e , i t i s n o t t h e c h i l d ' s b e h a v i o u r i n i t s e l f t h a t a c c o u n t s f o r a n g e r a r o u s a l b u t r a t h e r w h a t t h e m o t h e r t h i n k s o f h e r c h i l d ' s b e h a v i o u r . 99 C o g n i t i v e A p p r a i s a l s I t i s t h e i n i t i a l i n t e r p r e t a t i o n t h a t a m o t h e r m a k e s o f a n i n c i d e n t t h a t l e a d s t o a n g e r a r o u s a l . I f t h e m o t h e r i m m e d i a t e l y j u d g e d t h e c h i l d t o b e r e s p o n s i b l e a n d t h e c h i l d ' s a c t t o b e i n c o n v e n i e n t , a n g e r w a s a r o u s e d . H o w e v e r , t h e i n i t i a l i n t e r p r e t a t i o n o r s i t u a t i o n a p p r a i s a l y i e l d e d r a p i d l y t o o t h e r i n t e r p r e t a t i o n s . I r e c a l l e d a n i n c i d e n t j u s t r e c e n t l y w h e n J o c e l y n b r o k e a b o w l . M y f i r s t r e a c t i o n w a s a n e x a s p e r a t e d , " O h , J o c e l y n ! " a n d , i n t h e a d r e n a l i n r u s h t h a t a c c o m p a n i e d , t h e w e l l i n g u p o f a n g e r . T h e n I r e a l i z e d i t w a s a n a c c i d e n t . I n n o w a y d i d s h e m e a n t o d o i t . S o i t w a s O . K . We t a l k e d a b o u t h o w i t w a s a n a c c i d e n t a n d p i c k e d u p t h e p i e c e s t o g e t h e r . T h i s s t o r y i s t y p i c a l o f t h e s p e e d o f a p p r a i s a l s a n d r e a p p r a i s a l s . T h e m o t h e r s r e a s s e s s e d t h e s i t u a t i o n t o d e t e r m i n e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y , i n t e n t i o n a l i t y , a n d r e m o r s e f u l n e s s . W h e n a m o t h e r i n t e r p r e t e d a c h i l d ' s a c t i o n a s d e l i b e r a t e o r p r o v o c a t i v e , " t o p u s h M o m , " a c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e w a s m o r e l i k e l y , a l t h o u g h c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e s o c c u r r e d a s w e l l . A n g e r T h e s t o r i e s r e v e a l e d d i f f e r e n t l e v e l s o f a n g e r m o v i n g a l o n g a s p e c t r u m f r o m i r r i t a t i o n t o f r u s t r a t i o n t o r a g e . S o m e t h e o r i s t s ( A v e r i l l , 1982) d i s t i n g u i s h i r r i t a t i o n f r o m a n g e r . F o r t h e p u r p o s e s o f t h i s s t u d y , t h e r e s e a r c h e r i n c l u d e d i r r i t a t i o n b e c a u s e w h e n n o t 100 a d d r e s s e d e a r l y i n a n i n t e r a c t i o n , i t c a n i n t e n s i f y i n t o a n g e r . R a g e i n t h i s s t u d y i s u n d e r s t o o d t o b e a n i n t e n s e e m o t i o n a l e x p e r i e n c e w h e r e o n e l o s e s b e h a v i o r a l c o n t r o l . O n e p a r t i c i p a n t d e s c r i b e d t h i s e x p e r i e n c e : " I j u s t d r e a d l o s i n g c o n t r o l . I t ' s l i k e I h a v e n o c o n t r o l o v e r my e m o t i o n s . I d o n ' t k n o w w h a t o v e r t a k e s m e . I b a s i c a l l y j u s t l o s e i t . I d o n ' t c h o o s e t o g e t t h a t a n g r y . I s n a p . I ' v e l o s t c o n t r o l . " A n o t h e r m o t h e r d e s c r i b e d r a g e m e t a p h o r i c a l l y , " I j u s t w e n t ' p l u n g , ' M o u n t S a i n t H e l e n ' s . I e r u p t e d . " R a g e b r i n g s o n a f e e l i n g o f b e i n g o v e r t a k e n , o f n o t b e i n g i n c o n t r o l o f o n e ' s e m o t i o n s n o r o f o n e ' s a c t i o n s . I n t h e i n c i d e n t s c o l l e c t e d , t w o f a c t o r s a p p e a r e d t o a r r e s t r a g e : ( a ) e m p a t h y f o r t h e c h i l d o r ( b ) a s e p a r a t i o n o f s u f f i c i e n t t i m e . I n s u m m a r y , a n g e r c a n b e a r o u s e d e a s i l y . I t i s n o t t h e c h i l d ' s b e h a v i o u r t h a t i s c r i t i c a l ; i d e n t i c a l b e h a v i o u r s t r i g g e r d i f f e r e n t r e s p o n s e s . T h e r e s p o n s e i s m o s t d e p e n d e n t o n m o t h e r ' s c o g n i t i v e a p p r a i s a l a n d r e a p p r a i s a l s a n d t h e c h i l d ' s r e s p o n s e i n c o m b i n a t i o n w i t h t h e c o n t e x t ( s e t t i n g , f a t i g u e , t i m e c o n s t r a i n t , o r r e p e t i t i v e n a t u r e o f t h e i n t e r r u p t i o n s ) . T h e c o g n i t i v e a p p r a i s a l s a r e p i v o t p o i n t s i n t h e s t o r i e s ; p o i n t s t h a t d e t e r m i n e w h e t h e r a n g e r d i m i n i s h e s o r i n t e n s i f i e s . T h e n e x t s e c t i o n d e s c r i b e s i n d e t a i l 1 0 1 t h e p l o t s o n c e a n g e r i s a r o u s e d . A n g e r R e s o l u t i o n P l o t s T h e p l o t s d e s c r i b e w a y s i n w h i c h m o t h e r s i n t h i s s t u d y r e s o l v e d t h e i r a n g e r o n c e i t w a s a r o u s e d . T h e r e a r e f o u r b a s i c r e s p o n s e p a t t e r n s : ( a ) a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e a n d r e s o l u t i o n , (b ) a c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e w i t h a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n , ( c ) a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e w i t h a c o e r c i v e r e s o l u t i o n , a n d (d ) a c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e a n d r e s o l u t i o n ( s e e T a b l e 1 ) . I n t h i s s t u d y , a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e i s d e l i v e r e d i n a n o n a c c u s a t o r y m a n n e r . I t i s u s u a l l y d i r e c t e d a t t h e t r i g g e r i n g b e h a v i o u r , n o t a t t h e a n g e r . I t g e n e r a l l y l e a v e s t h e c h i l d ' s d i g n i t y i n t a c t . T h r o u g h o u t t h e e x c h a n g e b e t w e e n t h e m o t h e r a n d c h i l d , t h e m o t h e r m a n a g e s h e r a n g e r i n s u c h a w a y t h a t i t d o e s n o t e s c a l a t e . T h e l a n g u a g e m a y b e c a l m , s t e r n , f o r c e f u l , a n d a s s e r t i v e . I n c o n t r a s t , a c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e f o r t h e p u r p o s e s o f t h i s s t u d y i n c l u d e s b o t h v e r b a l a g g r e s s i o n ( y e l l i n g , s c r e a m i n g , a n d s a r c a s m ) a n d p h y s i c a l a c t s ( p u s h i n g , s h o v i n g , t h r o w i n g , h i t t i n g , f o r c i n g , a n d p u n i t i v e r e m o v a l ) . T h e d e f i n i t i o n s o f f o u r f a c i l i t a t i n g f a c t o r s t h a t c a n r e s o l v e a n g e r c o n s t r u c t i v e l y f o l l o w u n d e r e a c h s u b s e q u e n t h e a d i n g . A . R e s p o n s i v e S e l f - A w a r e n e s s R e s p o n s i v e s e l f - a w a r e n e s s r e f e r s t o t h e m o t h e r ' s 10 a b i l i t y t o m o n i t o r h e r o w n e m o t i o n s i n t h e m o m e n t a n d t h e a b i l i t y t o r e s p o n d t o t h e m i n a w a y t h a t d o e s n o t i n t e n s i f y h e r a n g e r . S e l f - a w a r e n e s s i s b o t h t h e a b i l i t y t o i d e n t i f y e m o t i o n s i n t h e m o m e n t a n d t h e a b i l i t y t o p r e d i c t a r e s p o n s e b a s e d o n a k n o w l e d g e o f o n e ' s r e s p o n s e p a t t e r n s . T h e r e w e r e t w o g r o u p i n g s i n t h i s c a t e g o r y : ( a ) a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e a n d r e s o l u t i o n a n d (b ) a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e w i t h a c o e r c i v e r e s o l u t i o n . C o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e a n d r e s o l u t i o n p l o t -R e s p o n s i v e s e l f - a w a r e n e s s f o l l o w e d b y a d e c i s i o n a l p a u s e a n d a n a s s e r t i v e a c t i o n . T h e r e w e r e e i g h t i n c i d e n t s i n t h i s g r o u p i n g . T h e r e s p o n s e t o a n g e r i s c o n s t r u c t i v e t h r o u g h o u t t h e i n c i d e n t a s i t i s r e t o l d . T h e m o t h e r : - b e c o m e s a w a r e o f h e r a g g r e s s i v e i m p u l s e ( s ) a n d f e e l i n g s o f g r o w i n g a n g e r - s t e p s b a c k m e n t a l l y , c o n s i d e r s h o w t o h a n d l e h e r f e e l i n g s a n d t h e s i t u a t i o n s o a s n o t t o g e t a n g r i e r - c h o o s e s o n e o r m o r e o f t h e f o l l o w i n g a s s e r t i v e r e s p o n s e s : ( a ) b r i e f l y a n d f i r m l y s t a t e s e x p e c t a t i o n s o r e x p r e s s e s h e r n e e d s (b ) m o d e l s d e s i r e d b e h a v i o u r 1 0 3 ( c ) b y p a s s e s t h e c o n f l i c t b y u s i n g h u m o u r o r a g a m e . I n g e n e r a l , t h e m o t h e r d o e s n o t r e a c t i m p u l s i v e l y o u t o f a n g e r . S h e i s a w a r e o f h e r a n g e r a n d c a n p r e d i c t , b a s e d o n p r i o r k n o w l e d g e , i n c r e a s e d a n g e r i f s h e a c t s a c e r t a i n w a y . S h e t h e n c h o o s e s a n a l t e r n a t i v e r e s p o n s e . T h e m o t h e r ' s v e r b a l l a n g u a g e i s g e n e r a l l y f i r m , d i r e c t , a n d n o n b l a m i n g . E a c h o f t h e s t o r i e s i n t h i s g r o u p i n g f i n i s h e s w i t h t h e c h i l d c o m p l y i n g w i t h t h e m o t h e r ' s r e q u e s t . T h e m o t h e r ' s a n g e r d i m i n i s h e s . O f t e n s o m e l e a r n i n g o c c u r s a n d t h e m o t h e r f e e l s s a t i s f i e d w i t h h o w s h e h a n d l e d t h e s i t u a t i o n . I l l u s t r a t i o n 1 : S e l f - a w a r e n e s s , d e c i s i o n a l p a u s e , f i r m l y r e s t a t e s e x p e c t a t i o n . C o n t e x t ; M o t h e r i s o n a s k i m a c h i n e f o r a d a i l y h a l f -h o u r e x e r c i s e s e s s i o n . H e r s o n ( a g e 5 ) i s p l a y i n g T -b a l l i n t h e b a c k y a r d . T h e b a l l g e t s s t u c k o n t h e f e n c e . T h i s i s t h e s e c o n d r e q u e s t f o r h e l p . I h a d b e e n o n t h e m a c h i n e a b o u t h a l f o f my t i m e . H e c o m e s b a c k i n , " M o m , t h e b a l l i s s t u c k . I c a n ' t g e t i t . " I k n e w I w a s g e t t i n g a n g r y b e c a u s e I ' m t h i n k i n g , " T h i s i s my t i m e . Y o u ' r e i n v a d i n g my t i m e . " I r e a l l y f e l t f r u s t r a t e d b e c a u s e h e r e ' s my t i m e a n d t h i s c h i l d i s c u t t i n g i n t o my t i m e . S o I s a i d t o J o h n , " W h e n Mommy i s d o n e a n d I ' m a l l d o n e s t r e t c h i n g a n d I ' m a l l d o n e o f f t h e N o r d i c T r a c k , t h e n I w i l l c o m e a n d g e t y o u r b a l l a n d f i x y o u r T - b a l l s t a n d . B u t i n t h e m e a n t i m e , y o u n e e d t o s t a y o u t s i d e a n d f i n d s o m e t h i n g e l s e t o d o . " I w a s r e a d y t o g e t o f f t h e N o r d i c T r a c k a n d s t o r m o u t t h e r e , g r a b t h e b a l l , f i x t h e T a n d s a y , " H e r e ! " a n d b e a n g r y . I t h o u g h t , " T h a t ' s n o t g o i n g s o l v e my 1 0 4 p r o b l e m w i t h h i m . H e w i l l b e a l l u p s e t . T h e n , I ' l l b e u p s e t a n d t o g e t b a c k o n t h e N o r d i c T r a c k a n d t r y t o g e t t o my o w n p a c e . " I c o u l d f e e l t h e t e n s i o n r i s i n g a n d I k n e w t o s t o p a n d s a y , " J o h n . " I t a l k m o n o t o n e a n d v e r y , c r i s p a n d c l e a r . Y o u s o r t o f c u t u p y o u r s e n t e n c e s . I s a i d , " J o h n , y o u n e e d t o f i n d s o m e t h i n g e l s e t o d o . I w i l l h e l p y o u w h e n I ' m o f f a n d a l l d o n e . I w i l l t e l l y o u w h e n I ' m a l l d o n e . " S o , I g o t o f f a n d h e s a i d , " A r e y o u a l l d o n e ? " I s a i d , " I j u s t h a v e t o s t r e t c h a n d t h e n I ' l l b e a l l d o n e . " I n o t i c e d t h a t t o d a y h e w e n t o u t i n t h e f r o n t a n d h e w a s u s i n g h i s r o l l e r s k a t e s a n d h i s h o c k e y s t i c k . I s a i d , " W h e n I ' m o f f t h e N o r d i c T r a c k t o d a y , I ' l l c o m e o u t a n d I ' l l h e l p y o u . " H e w a s r e a l l y g o o d t o d a y . H e h a d a c o u p l e o f l i t t l e t h i n g s g o w r o n g a n d h e d i d n ' t c o m e a n d s a y , " M o m , c o m e h e l p r i g h t a w a y . " . . . . S o , i t h e l p e d w i t h t h e t r a i n i n g f o r me t o s a y t o h i m , " T h i s i s t h e r u l e . " I l l u s t r a t i o n 2 : S e l f - a w a r e n e s s , d e c i s i o n a l p a u s e , m o d e l s d e s i r e d b e h a v i o u r C o n t e x t : T w o c h i l d r e n a r e i n t h e b a t h t u b . T h e y o u n g e r c h i l d ( a g e 4 1 / 2 ) h i t s h i s o l d e r s i b l i n g ( a g e 9 ) . I h a d j u s t f i n i s h e d r e a d i n g a b o o k w h e r e w h e n a c h i l d d o e s t h a t o r f i g h t s , y o u t e n d t o g o i n a n d y e l l a t t h e c h i l d t h a t d i d t h e n e g a t i v e d e e d . I n s t e a d , i g n o r e t h a t c h i l d a n d c o n c e n t r a t e o n t h e o n e t h a t i s h u r t . " A r e y o u O . K . ? I s e v e r y t h i n g O . K . ? H e r e l e t me l o o k a t i t . " M e a n w h i l e , y o u d o n ' t s a y a n y t h i n g t o t h e o t h e r c h i l d b e c a u s e t h e y a l r e a d y k n o w t h a t t h e y ' v e d o n e w r o n g . S o , J e s s i c a i s c r y i n g a n d I w a s s e t t o j u s t t o , y o u k n o w , b l o w u p a n d y e l l a t b o t h o f t h e m b e c a u s e t h e y s h o u l d n ' t b e f i g h t i n g . T h e n I t h o u g h t , " N o , I ' l l j u s t d e a l w i t h J e s s i c a a n d i g n o r e B r a e d o n . H e k n o w s t h a t h e i s n o t s u p p o s e d t o h i t o r b i t e . " S o , I l e a n e d o v e r a n d g o t J e s s i c a o u t o f t h e t u b a n d r e a l l y s o o t h e d h e r . I c o n c e n t r a t e d o n h e r a n d s a i d , " A r e y o u O . K . ? D o y o u w a n t t o f i n i s h y o u r b a t h ? " A n d B r a e d o n , i t w a s a m a z i n g , h e w e n t f r o m t h i s d e f i a n t l i t t l e l o o k t o , y o u c o u l d t e l l , h e f e l t b a d l y a b o u t w h a t h e h a d d o n e . J e s s i c a g o t b a c k i n t h e b a t h t u b a n d t h e y p l a y e d b e a u t i f u l l y a f t e r t h a t . I w a s r e a l l y g l a d I d i d n ' t h a v e t o y e l l a n d c o u l d g i v e s o m e c a r e a n d i n d i v i d u a l a t t e n t i o n t o J e s s i c a , t h a t s h e w a s i m p o r t a n t t o m e . Y o u s o m e t i m e s , I 105 sometimes forget that i n the moment of anger. I'm angry at both of them because they have interrupted what I was doing by trying to get two minutes to do a task. I just f e l t s a t i s f i e d that something I had read worked. It doesn't usually happen, i t doesn't always happen. In this case i t did. I l l u s t r a t i o n 3: Self - awareness, decisional pause, uses humour to arrest c h i l d ' s anger. Context: Mother i s cooking and the son (age 5) has become angry at his younger s i s t e r (age 3 1/2). I turned around and heard this snorting, stamping his foot, and carrying on l i k e a hot-headed b u l l . I was i r r i t a t e d . So, I started imitating him. He stamped his foot. I'd stamp my foot. He'd do something with his hands. I'd do the same. Then a l l of a sudden, you could see i t switch to a game. My experience i s that when dealing with him when he i s grunting and r e s i s t i n g i s that i t doesn't work to say, "Cut that out." The only way that I have found that breaks him out of this i s to imitate him. . . . What I often do i s imitate them back. I do the same actions and the same sounds u n t i l we s t a r t giggling. So, then i t ' s gone. It's O.K. "So, what's your problem?" "I was angry." Then we can talk about i t . This category has been,labelled responsive s e l f -awareness because the mother r e f l e c t s on her anger (albeit b r i e f l y and rapidly) and she responds as s e r t i v e l y to her feelings of anger. Constructive response with a coercive resolution -Self-awareness followed bv a decisional pause and an aggressive action/conclusion. There were two stories i n this grouping. Placement of these stories involves a value judgement by the researcher i n that the resolution was judged detrimental to the c h i l d . The 1 0 6 r e a d e r m i g h t w e l l c h o o s e t o p l a c e t h e s t o r i e s i n a n o t h e r c a t e g o r y . I n t h i s p l o t , t h e m o t h e r : - b e c o m e s a w a r e o f h e r a g g r e s s i v e i m p u l s e ( s ) a n d f e e l i n g s o f g r o w i n g a n g e r - s t e p s b a c k m e n t a l l y , c o n s i d e r s h o w t o h a n d l e h e r f e e l i n g s a n d t h e s i t u a t i o n s o a s n o t t o g e t a n g r i e r - c h o o s e s a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e : ( a ) c a l m s h e r s e l f (b ) d i s e n g a g e s f r o m t h e e m o t i o n a l c o n f l i c t - a s s i g n s b l a m e t o t h e c h i l d o r i m p o s e s a p u n i s h m e n t . I n g e n e r a l , t h e m o t h e r b e c o m e s s e l f - a w a r e i n t h e m o m e n t . S e l f - a w a r e n e s s a r r e s t s h e r a n g e r . H o w e v e r , r a t h e r t h a n c h o o s e a n a s s e r t i v e a c t i o n , i n o n e s t o r y , t h e m o t h e r i m p o s e s a p u n i s h m e n t i n a c a l m m a n n e r ; i n t h e s e c o n d s t o r y , t h e m o t h e r b l a m e s t h e c h i l d . I l l u s t r a t i o n 1 : S e l f - a w a r e n e s s , d e c i s i o n a l p a u s e , c o e r c i v e p u n i s h m e n t . C o n t e x t : T h e o l d e r c h i l d ( a g e 5) h a s b i t t e n t h e y o u n g e r ( a g e 4 ) f o r t h e t h i r d t i m e i n t h e s a m e d a y . T h e f i r s t t i m e w e t a l k e d a b o u t a w a y o f d e a l i n g w i t h i t . A t t h a t p o i n t , w e s t i l l h a d o u r c o o l . T h e n t h e s e c o n d t i m e , a g a i n I t r i e d t o e x p l a i n t o h i m t o u s e h i s w o r d s a n d i f h e f e l t h e c o u l d n ' t , t h e n t o c o m e t o me i n s t e a d . T h e n t h e t h i r d t i m e i t h a p p e n e d , I d o n ' t k n o w i f t h i s i s p o s i t i v e o r n o t . I w a s j u s t . . . I c o u l d h a v e s m a c k e d h i m s i l l y . I w a s s o t i r e d o f h e a r i n g L e s t e r c o m i n g u p s c r e a m i n g a n d c r y i n g . T h i s i s t h i r d t i m e t h i s s a m e t h i n g . I h a d j u s t e x p l a i n e d t w i c e . I t h o u g h t o f B a r b a r a C o l o r o s o , I s m i l e d . I s a i d , " D o y o u r e m e m b e r w h e n y o u w e r e l i t t l e w h a t w e h a d t o d o ? " T o m a k e a l o n g s t o r y s h o r t , I p u t 1 0 7 s o m e h o t s a u c e o n h i s t o n g u e . I i m m e d i a t e l y t h o u g h t o f B a r b a r a C o l o r o s o , I v i s u a l i z e d h e r . S h e s a y s t o s m i l e w h e n f a c i n g a p r o b l e m . I t h o u g h t , I c o u l d h a v e , I m e a n t h i s w a s j u s t r i d i c u l o u s . I h a d s a i d t w i c e t o h i m t o p l e a s e c o m e t a l k t o m e , t r y a n d u s e w o r d s . M e a n w h i l e L e s t e r i s s c r e a m i n g a n d c r y i n g a n d I ' m s i c k o f h e a r i n g t h a t . . . T h i s i s n u m b e r 3 n o w , t h e v e r y s a m e d a y , l a t e i n t h e d a y , n o t h i n g h a s s u n k i n . I r e m e m b e r s a y i n g , " D o n ' t o w n t h e p r o b l e m . " S h e a l w a y s s m i l e s w h e n s h e t e l l s h e r k i d s t h i n g s . S o I j u s t s o r t o f s m i l e d a n d s a i d , " H e y , b u d d y . Y o u g e t t h e h o t s a u c e . " H e g o t t h e h o t s a u c e b e c a u s e h e h a d f o r g o t l a s t t i m e j u s t h o w h o t i t w a s . W h e n I f i n a l l y g o t n e a r h i m , h e s t a r t e d t o b u c k a b i t . I p l u g g e d h i s n o s e a n d p u t a t a b o n h i s t o n g u e . W e l l , I d i d l e t h i m g o g e t a d r i n k o f w a t e r . I l e t h i m g e t h i s w a t e r j u g . . . . T o me t h e b i g g e s t t h i n g , t h e p o s i t i v e w a s t h a t I w a s a b l e t o a d m i n i s t e r t h a t c o n s e q u e n c e i n a r e a l l y , h a p p y m a n n e r . T h e r e w a s n o a n g e r g o i n g w i t h i t a s I w a s d i s h i n g o u t t h e c o n s e q u e n c e . " Y o u c a u s e d i t . S o r r y . " T h e r e w a s n o a n g e r , m a d , o r h u r t w o r d s l i k e , " Y o u ' r e s o . . . " I l l u s t r a t i o n 2 : S e l f - a w a r e n e s s , d e c i s i o n a l p a u s e , n o n c o e r c i v e a c t i o n , b l a m i n g c o n c l u s i o n . C o n t e x t : T h e b e d t i m e r o u t i n e i s d i f f i c u l t . T h e b o y s ( a g e 4 a n d a g e 2 1 / 2 ) a r e u n c o o p e r a t i v e . T h i s u s e d t o g o o n r e p e a t e d l y a n d I g o t t o t h e p o i n t w h e r e I s a i d , " A m I l o s i n g my m i n d o r a r e t h e s e k i d s l i k e t w o s q u i r r e l l y p i g s i n a m u d p u d d l e ? " I t a p e d t h e m . I p u t a c a s s e t t e o n a n d I t a p e d t h i s w h o l e b e d t i m e r o u t i n e . I p l a y e d i t b a c k a n d I t h o u g h t , " N o , I ' m n o t l o s i n g my m i n d , b u t I s u r e w o u l d l i k e t o g e t o u t o f h e r e . " ( L a u g h t e r ) . P r i o r t o t h e t i m e I t a p e d , I t h o u g h t , " Y o u k n o w i f s o m e o n e w a s t o w a l k b y o u r h o u s e a n d h e a r w h a t i s g o i n g o n b e t w e e n t h e s e c h i l d r e n . T h e y a r e s c r e a m i n g t h e i r d e m a n d s , t h e y ' r e s q u i r r e l l i n g a r o u n d . Y o u w o u l d t h i n k , ' W h a t i s o n e a r t h i s g o i n g o n i n t h e r e ? ' " T h e n I t h o u g h t , " H e r e , I a m . I h a v e t o p u t u p w i t h t h i s , e v e r y s i n g l e d a y . " A t t h a t t i m e , I w a s h o m e a n d w a s n ' t a t w o r k . S o , I w a s a w a k e t h e w h o l e d a y . I w a s s t i l l g e t t i n g u p w i t h A n d r e w t w o a n d t h r e e t i m e s a n i g h t b e c a u s e h e d i d n ' t s l e e p . H e n e v e r s l e p t t h e n i g h t t i l l h e w a s p a s t t h e a g e o f t w o . S o , I w a s f a t i g u e d f r o m b e i n g u p a t n i g h t a n d I w a s w i t h t h e m 108 m o s t l y i n t h e e v e n i n g s b e c a u s e my h u s b a n d w o u l d b e w o r k i n g i n t h e e v e n i n g s . S o , i t w a s a n a r o u n d t h e c l o c k t h i n g . I w a s g o i n g i n s a n e . S o , " i s i t me o r i s i t t h a t t h e y a r e j u s t d i f f i c u l t k i d s ? O r , i s i t a d i f f i c u l t a g e ? " T h e y w e r e v e r y c l o s e t o g e t h e r a n d b e i n g t w o b o y s . I f e l t r e a l l y f r u s t r a t e d a n d I d i d n ' t h a v e c o o p e r a t i o n f r o m t h e m a n d y e t I h a d r e a d a l l t h i s D o b s o n s t u f f . I a p p l i e d i t , b u t I w o u l d g e t t h i n g s l i k e , " M o m m y , y o u ' r e a b a d l a d y , " w h i c h j u s t k i l l e d m e . L i k e , w h e r e d o e s i t s a y t h a t ( i n D o b s o n , a n a u t h o r e x p r e s s i n g a u t h o r i t a r i a n p a r e n t i n g v i e w s ) ? D o b s o n w o u l d s a y , " S p a n k t h e c h i l d . " O n e n i g h t , i t w a s s t a r t i n g u p . I w a s g e t t i n g a n g r y . I t h o u g h t , " E i t h e r I l o s e i t a n d w e g e t i n t o a c o n f l i c t . " A t t h a t s t a g e o f t h e g a m e , I n e v e r w o n w i t h D a v i d . I n e v e r , e v e r w o n w i t h h i m . H e w a s j u s t . . . b e c a u s e I n e v e r g o t my a g e n d a s d o n e . H e s o r t o f c a l l e d t h e s h o t s , e v e n w h e n h e w a s n ' t s u p p o s e d t o , l i k e w i t h t h o s e k i n d o f c o m m e n t s . T h a t w a s t h e t i m e I f o l l o w i n g D o b s o n . I t h o u g h t , " T h i s i s n o t w o r k i n g f o r m e . " A n i g h t o r t w o b e f o r e I h a d l o s t my t e m p e r . I d i d n ' t w a n t t o d o t h a t s c e n e a g a i n ( l o s e m y t e m p e r ) . S o , I t h o u g h t , " T e r e s a , y o u ' r e n o t l o s i n g y o u r m i n d . G o a n d g e t t h e t a p e r e c o r d e r . " I t h a p p e n e d t o b e c o n v e n i e n t . I p l u g g e d i t i n a n d I j u s t l e t t h e m r o a r . I d i d n ' t i n t e r f e r e . I d i d i n t e r a c t . I w a s g e t t i n g t h e m r e a d y . I t r i e d t o b e a s n a t u r a l a s I c o u l d b e c a u s e I a l s o w a n t e d t o s e e w h a t my v o i c e w a s l i k e . I g o t t h a t d o n e a n d I g o t t h r o u g h i t ( t h e b e d t i m e r o u t i n e ) . I l i s t e n e d t o t h e t a p e . I t h o u g h t , " I t ' s n o w o n d e r I f e e l l i k e I ' m g o i n g c r a z y . L e t me o u t o f h e r e ! " I t c o n f i r m e d t h a t t h e b o y s w e r e b e i n g v e r y d i f f i c u l t . T h e t a p e g a v e me a r e a s o n t o b e a n g r y . L i k e I c o u l d s e e t h a t a n y n o r m a l h u m a n b e i n g w o u l d l o s e t h e i r c o o l i n t h i s s i t u a t i o n . I t ' s O . K . t o d o i t . B u t w h a t r e a l l y b o t h e r e d me w a s t h a t I w a s n ' t a c c o m p l i s h i n g w h a t I w a n t e d t o a c c o m p l i s h . I w a n t e d t o g e t t h r o u g h t o D a v i d t h a t y o u h a v e t o s t a y s t i l l i f y o u w a n t t o g e t d r e s s e d b e c a u s e I c a n ' t r u n a f t e r y o u t w e n t y t i m e s t o g e t y o u r p y j a m a s o n . I w a s n ' t c o m m u n i c a t i n g t h a t , I w a s c o m m u n i c a t i n g t h a t I w a s t h e b a d p e r s o n . "Mommy i s a b a d p e r s o n b e c a u s e s h e y e l l s a t m e , b e c a u s e s h e d o e s n ' t l e t me p l a y , b e c a u s e s h e d o e s n ' t l e t me d o w h a t I w a n t t o d o . " W h i l e t h e s t r a t e g y o f g a t h e r i n g i n f o r m a t i o n b y 1 0 9 u s i n g a t a p e r e c o r d e r w a s a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e , t h e c o n c l u s i o n p u t s t h e b l a m e s o l e l y o n t h e c h i l d r e n . T o h a v e i n c l u d e d t h i s s t o r y i n t h e f i r s t c a t e g o r y , i t n e e d e d t o s h o w s o m e e v i d e n c e o f t h e m o t h e r c o n s i d e r i n g h e r p a r t i n t h e i n t e r a c t i o n a s w e l l a s p o s s i b l e w a y s o f h a n d l i n g t h e s i t u a t i o n . I t i s i m p o r t a n t t o n o t e t h a t w h i l e t h i s i n c i d e n t c o n c l u d e d b y b l a m i n g t h e c h i l d r e n , t a k i n g t i m e t o l i s t e n t o t h e t a p e w a s p a r t o f a l o n g e r p r o b l e m - s o l v i n g p r o c e s s f o r t h e p a r t i c i p a n t . I n a n o t h e r s t o r y , s h e w e n t o n t o d e s c r i b e h o w s h e d e c i d e d t o u s e a t i m e - o u t t o h a n d l e t h i s s i t u a t i o n . S o c o e r c i v e i n c i d e n t s c a n h a v e c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n s w h e n c o n s i d e r e d o v e r a l o n g e r t i m e p e r i o d . T h e d i s t i n g u i s h i n g c h a r a c t e r i s t i c b e t w e e n t h e r e s p o n s i v e s e l f - a w a r e n e s s s t o r y p l o t s a n d t h e n e x t i s t h a t t h e t h i n k i n g i s c e n t r e d w i t h i n t h e m o t h e r a n d h e r a w a r e n e s s o f h e r e m o t i o n s r a t h e r t h a n h e r a w a r e n e s s o f h e r c h i l d ' s v i e w p o i n t . T h e c e n t r a l q u e s t i o n i n t h e c a t e g o r y o f r e s p o n s i v e s e l f - a w a r e n e s s i s , " H o w d o I h a n d l e m y f e e l i n g s o r t h e s i t u a t i o n s o a s t o n o t g e t a n g r i e r ? " B . E m p a t h y E m p a t h y r e f e r s t o t h e c a p a c i t y t o a s s u m e a n o t h e r ' s v i e w p o i n t . T h e m o t h e r i s a n g r y b u t c o n s i d e r s t h e c h i l d 1 1 0 i n t h e m o m e n t . C o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e a n d r e s o l u t i o n p l o t -E m p a t h y f o l l o w e d b y d e c i s i o n a l p a u s e . T h e r e w e r e s i x s t o r i e s p l a c e d i n t h i s g r o u p i n g . A s t h e s t o r y s e q u e n c e u n f o l d s , a t a c e r t a i n p o i n t t h e m o t h e r b e c o m e s a w a r e o f t h e c h i l d ' s v e r b a l / b o d y l a n g u a g e o r s i m p l y c o n s i d e r s t h e c h i l d ' s v i e w p o i n t . S h e t h e n c o n s i d e r s t h i s i n f o r m a t i o n d u r i n g a d e c i s i o n a l p a u s e a n d c h o o s e s a n o n c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e . T h e m o t h e r : - m a y b e a w a r e o f h e r o w n f e e l i n g s - u s u a l l y n o t e s t h e c h i l d ' s v e r b a l o r b o d y l a n g u a g e ( o f t e n n o t e s r e m o r s e , d i s t r e s s , " a l o o k o f t e r r o r , " a n d j u d g e s t h e c h i l d a c t i o n s t o b e g e n u i n e , n o t m a n i p u l a t i v e ) - r e e v a l u a t e s t h e s i t u a t i o n t a k i n g i n t o a c c o u n t t h e c h i l d ' s p e r s p e c t i v e : ( a ) b l a m e w o r t h i n e s s (b ) r e m o r s e f u l n e s s ( c ) n e e d (d ) g o a l r e a l i g n m e n t , " I d o n ' t w a n t my c h i l d t o b e a f r a i d o f m e . " - c h o o s e s o n e o r m o r e o f t h e f o l l o w i n g n o n c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e s : ( a ) b r i e f l y , b u t f i r m l y s t a t e s e x p e c t a t i o n s o r e x p r e s s e s n e e d I l l ( b ) e x p l a i n s ( c ) r e s p o n d s t o t h e n e e d u n d e r l y i n g t h e t r i g g e r i n g i s s u e (d ) a c c e p t s s o m e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r t h e s i t u a t i o n ( e ) d i s e n g a g e s f r o m a p o w e r s t r u g g l e ( f ) s e p a r a t e s s e l f f r o m c h i l d . T h e m o t h e r ' s v e r b a l l a n g u a g e i s f i r m , d i r e c t , a n d n o n b l a m i n g . T h e u p s e t d i m i n i s h e s . N e w l e a r n i n g o c c u r s . I l l u s t r a t i o n 1: N o t e s c h i l d ' s b o d y l a n g u a g e , d e c i s i o n a l p a u s e t a k i n g a c c o u n t o f t h e c h i l d ' s r e m o r s e , s t a t e s e x p e c t a t i o n s , a n d r e m o v e s c h i l d t o r o o m . C o n t e x t : M o t h e r h e a r s a f a l l i n t h e b a b y ' s r o o m . S h e e n t e r s t h e r o o m t o f i n d t h e b a b y o n t h e f l o o r a n d h e r s o n i n t h e c r i b . I w a l k e d t o G l o r i a ' s r o o m a n d t h e r e w a s J u s t i n i n t h e c r i b w i t h t h i s l o o k o f h o r r o r o n t h i s f a c e . J u s t f o r t h a t r e a s o n , l o o k i n g a t h i s r e a c t i o n , I k n e w t h a t h e d i d n ' t m e a n w h a t h e h a d d o n e . I w a s s t i l l a n g r y . S o I p u t h i m i n h i s r o o m a n d s a i d , " Y o u s t a y t h e r e . " I s h u t t h e d o o r a n d w e n t t o t a k e c a r e o f G l o r i a . B u t h e r e a l i z e d t h a t h e h a d d o n e s o m e t h i n g w r o n g . L a t e r , I h a d t o t e l l h i m w h y I w a s m a d a n d u p s e t , b u t I d i d n ' t n e e d t o p u n i s h h i m . I t o l d h i m t o n e v e r t o t h a t a g a i n . H e u n d e r s t o o d . I l l u s t r a t i o n 2: S e l f - a w a r e n e s s , d e c i s i o n a l p a u s e c o n s i d e r i n g c h i l d ' s n e e d , i n v i t e s c h i l d t o p a r t i c i p a t e . C o n t e x t : M o t h e r i s m a k i n g a p i e . H e r s o n ( a g e 3) i n s i s t s o n b e i n g t h e r e . I c o u l d f e e l t h e a n g e r i n s i d e m y s e l f . I ' m t h i n k i n g , " J u s t l e t me d o my p i e ! " 1 1 2 S o I t h o u g h t , " O . K . , F a y e , h e j u s t w a n t s t o p l a y . " S o , I t o o k o f f a c h u n k o f d o u g h a n d p u l l e d h i m u p t o t h e c o u n t e r , p u l l e d u p a c h a i r . H e w a s s o h a p p y . H e p l a y e d w i t h t h e d o u g h a s h a p p y a s c o u l d b e . I c o u l d h a v e m a d e i t i n t o a f i a s c o l i k e , " G o a w a y . J u s t l e a v e me a l o n e . " B u t I d i d n ' t , I t u r n e d i t a r o u n d . I i n v i t e d h i m i n t o p l a y . We t a l k e d a n d h a d a g o o d t i m e . H e m a d e h i s d o u g h i n t o a l i t t l e p i e . H e g a v e i t t o h i s d a d w h e n h e c a m e h o m e . T h e i r r i t a t i o n w a s b u i l d i n g u p . I h a d j u s t w a n t e d t o g e t i t o v e r w i t h . T h e n I k n e w i t c o u l d g o e i t h e r w a y . I l l u s t r a t i o n 3 : N o t e s c h i l d ' s b o d y l a n g u a g e , d e c i s i o n a l p a u s e c o n s i d e r i n g c h i l d ' s p e r s p e c t i v e , a c c e p t s s o m e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r t h e s i t u a t i o n , b y p a s s e s t h e p o w e r s t r u g g l e . C o n t e x t : O v e r a 2 m o n t h p e r i o d , t h e d a u g h t e r ( a g e 2 ) w o u l d r e f u s e t o g e t d r e s s e d 2 - 3 t i m e s a w e e k . S h e w o u l d t a k e o f f c l o t h e s s h e d i d n ' t w a n t t o w e a r . I t u r n e d a r o u n d a n d my d a u g h t e r h a s t a k e n o f f h e r c l o t h e s . S h e ' s n a k e d . T h a t t i m e , I j u s t l a u g h e d . F o r s o m e r e a s o n , i t j u s t h i t me t h a t t h i s w a s s o r i d i c u l o u s . I t j u s t h i t me t h a t t h i s w a s s o r i d i c u l o u s t h a t I h a d b e e n g o i n g t h r o u g h t h i s f o r t w o m o n t h s o r s o m e t h i n g , t h a t I h a d b e e n g e t t i n g r i d i c u l o u s . S h e k n e w t h a t i f s h e g o t n a k e d , i t w o u l d d r i v e me n u t s . I l o o k e d a t h e r . T h e r e w a s t h i s d e f i a n t l i t t l e l o o k i n h e r e y e . S h e h a d h e r f i s t s d o w n b y h e r s i d e a s i f t o s a y w i t h a l i t t l e s m i r k , " G o t y o u M o m . N o w , l o s e i t . " T h e r e w a s s o m e t h i n g a b o u t t h e l o o k o n h e r f a c e a n d I t h o u g h t , " T h a t ' s m e . T h a t ' s m e . T h i s i s t h e c h i l d my m o t h e r s a i d I s h o u l d h a v e . " Y o u k n o w w h e n y o u r m o t h e r s a y s t o y o u , " O n e o f t h e s e d a y s , y o u a r e g o i n g t o h a v e a k i d j u s t l i k e y o u a n d I ' m g o i n g t o b e t h e r e t o l a u g h . " W e l l , H a l e y i s t h a t c h i l d . I t j u s t c a u g h t m e . I s t a r t e d l a u g h i n g . S h e d i d n ' t k n o w w h a t t o d o a t t h a t p o i n t . I w a s l a u g h i n g s o h a r d t h a t I a c t u a l l y s a t d o w n o n t h e f l o o r . S h e c a m e u p , c r a w l e d o n t o my l a p a n d s h e p a t t e d my c h e e k a n d l a u g h e d w i t h me f o r a f e w m i n u t e s . " I t ' s f u n n y M o m m y . I t ' s f u n n y M o m m y . " I s a i d , " Y e s , i t ' s v e r y f u n n y , b u t w e r e a l l y d o h a v e t o g o s o m e w h e r e . S o , c a n y o u j u s t c h o o s e s o m e t h i n g ? " S h e w e n t o v e r a n d p u l l e d a d r e s s o n . I t w a s t h e f i r s t t i m e t h a t s h e h a d a c t u a l l y a d r e s s o v e r h e r h e a d . S h e p u l l e d i t o n a n d c a m e o v e r w i t h t h e 1 1 3 i n f a m o u s d i a p e r a n d g a v e i t t o m e . I t w a s s o l o w k e y a n d o f f w e w e n t . We w e n t o f f w i t h a p o s i t i v e a t t i t u d e . C o m m o n t o t h e p r e c e d i n g p l o t s , t h e m o t h e r s t e p s o u t s i d e h e r s e l f a n d e x p a n d s h e r p e r s p e c t i v e t o i n c l u d e h e r c h i l d . ' s p e r s p e c t i v e a t t h e s a m e t i m e . T h e s u b s e q u e n t a c t i o n r e s p o n d s t o t h e s e p e r s p e c t i v e s . I t d o e s n o t d i s m i s s o n e i n f a v o u r o f t h e o t h e r . C o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e / c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n p l o t -C o e r c i o n , e m p a t h y f o l l o w e d b y a d e c i s i o n a l p a u s e . I n t h i s g r o u p i n g , t h e r e w e r e n i n e i n c i d e n t s . I n f o u r o f t h e i n c i d e n t s , t h e c h i l d r e s i s t s t h e m o t h e r ' s r e q u e s t . I n f o u r i n c i d e n t s , a s u d d e n , u n d e s i r a b l e e v e n t o c c u r s e . g . , a b o w l b r e a k s . I n o n e , t h e m o t h e r r e s p o n d s t o a d a n g e r o u s s i t u a t i o n w i t h a n a d r e n a l i n r u s h a n d w i t h a n g e r . T h e m o t h e r f i r s t s t r i k e s o u t v e r b a l l y o r p h y s i c a l l y a n d t h e n , e x p a n d s h e r p e r s p e c t i v e t o i n c l u d e t h e c h i l d ' s v i e w p o i n t . U s u a l l y , s h e d e t e r m i n e s t h a t t h e b e h a v i o u r , w h i l e u n d e s i r a b l e , w a s u n i n t e n t i o n a l a n d h e r a n g e r i s a r r e s t e d . T h e m o t h e r : - a c t s o n a n a g g r e s s i v e i m p u l s e : ( a ) y e l l s o r s c r e a m s a t t h e c h i l d (b ) p u s h e s , s h a k e s , t h r o w s , o r h i t s t h e c h i l d ( c ) s e p a r a t e s t h e c h i l d c o e r c i v e l y - m a y b e s w e p t i n t o a n e s c a l a t i n g s e q u e n c e o f f u r t h e r 1 1 4 u p s e t , e n g a g e s i n t h e c o n f l i c t : ( a ) c h i l d p r o t e s t s (b ) m o t h e r u s u a l l y b e c o m e s m o r e a n g r y ( c ) m o r e c o e r c i o n (d ) m o t h e r m a y n o t e t h e c h i l d ' s r e a c t i o n s , b u t i s c o n s u m e d b y h e r o w n e m o t i o n s n o t e s t h e c h i l d ' s b o d y l a n g u a g e / r e s p o n s e , i n t e r p r e t s t h e m a s b e i n g g e n u i n e o r s i m p l y c o n s i d e r s t h e c h i l d ' s p e r s p e c t i v e m a y t a k e a d e e p b r e a t h s t e p s b a c k m e n t a l l y , r e a s s e s s e s t h e s i t u a t i o n t a k i n g i n t o a c c o u n t h e r c h i l d ' s p e r s p e c t i v e : ( a ) j u d g e s s e l f a n d u s e o f c o e r c i o n , " I ' v e g o n e t o o f a r . I d o n ' t w a n t my c h i l d t o f e a r m e . " ( b ) r e c o n s i d e r s t h e r e a s o n a b l e n e s s o f t h e r e q u e s t f e e l s r e g r e t , g u i l t ; m a y c r y • c h o o s e s o n e o r m o r e o f t h e f o l l o w i n g n o n c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e s : ( a ) s e p a r a t e s s e l f f r o m c h i l d t o r e g a i n c a l m (b ) b r i e f l y e x p l a i n s / r e s t a t e s e x p e c t a t i o n s ( c ) a p o l o g i z e s (d ) c o m f o r t s t h e c h i l d a n d r e s t o r e s g o o d f e e l i n g s . D u r i n g t h e c o e r c i v e p o r t i o n o f t h e i n c i d e n t , t h e 1 1 5 m o t h e r o f t e n y e l l s a n d i s a c c u s a t o r y . D u r i n g t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n s e g m e n t , l a n g u a g e i s u s e d t o e x p l a i n a n d t o r e s t o r e g o o d f e e l i n g s . O f t e n t h e m o t h e r r e g a i n s c a l m b u t m a y h a v e l i n g e r i n g g u i l t a n d r e g r e t o v e r t h e c o e r c i o n . T h e m o t h e r u s u a l l y l e a r n s s o m e t h i n g a b o u t h e r l i m i t s a n d a b o u t h o w a n g r y s h e c a n g e t . I l l u s t r a t i o n 1 ; E s c a l a t i n g c o e r c i o n , m o t h e r n o t e s c h i l d ' s d i s t r e s s , d e c i s i o n a l p a u s e t a k i n g a c c o u n t o f t h e c h i l d ' s p e r s p e c t i v e , r e m o v e s h e r s e l f , a p o l o g i z e s w h e n c a l m e r . C o n t e x t : T h e c h i l d ( a g e 3) d a w d l e s w h i l e p u t t i n g a w a y t o y s . H e j u s t w a s n ' t d o i n g i t f a s t e n o u g h . I j u s t w a s f r u s t r a t e d . A g a i n , I ' m s u r e w e w e r e h e a d i n g o u t t h e d o o r . I ' m a l l w o r r i e d a b o u t h a v i n g e v e r y t h i n g a l l t i d y . H e w a s n ' t p i c k i n g u p t h e t o y s f a s t e n o u g h . I p h y s i c a l l y w e n t o v e r t h e r e a n d I ' m t h r o w i n g t h e c a r s i n t o t h e b u c k e t a n d I p u l l e d h i m a s i d e a n d I s a i d , " T h i s i s n a u g h t y . I d o n ' t w a n t y o u d o t h i s . I n e e d y o u t o p i c k u p q u i c k l y . We n e e d t o g o . " H e s t a r t e d c r y i n g a n d g o t v e r y e m o t i o n a l . I t j u s t m a d e me m a d d e r . I t h o u g h t , " T h i s i s w r o n g , b u t I ' m m a d . " I s a i d , " G o t o y o u r r o o m . I ' m g o i n g t o c l e a n i t u p . " B y t h e t i m e I g e t u p t o h i m , I ' m s t i l l m a d b e c a u s e I ' v e n o t o n l y h a d t o c l e a n t h i s u p , b u t I ' v e h a d t o t a k e t i m e o u t o f m y s c h e d u l e . I ' m n o w g e t t i n g o u t t h e d o o r l a t e r t h a n I w a n t i t t o b e . I ' m t h e t y p e o f p e r s o n w h o l e a v e s a l i t t l e b i t o f e x t r a t i m e b e c a u s e I k n o w t h e r e ' s a l w a y s s o m e t h i n g t h a t c o m e s u p a s w e a r e h e a d i n g o u t t h e d o o r . I t w a s n o t t h a t I w a s g o i n g t o b e l a t e , b u t I h a d n ' t l e f t a t t h e t i m e I h a d w a n t e d t o . S o , I w e n t u p t o h i m a n d h e l d h i s a r m s , " E t h a n , t h a t r e a l l y m a k e s Mommy a n g r y . I r e a l l y d o n ' t l i k e t h a t ! " T h e n a t t h a t t i m e w h e n h e s t a r t e d t o c r y , I t h o u g h t , " W h a t am I d o i n g ? " S o I s a i d , " Y o u s t a y i n y o u r r o o m . " I k n e w t h a t i f I w a s t o s t a y t h e r e I w o u l d j u s t l o s e i t c o m p l e t e l y . I r e a l l y f e l t t h a t I h a d g o n e o v e r b o a r d . I h a d s e n t h i m t o h i s r o o m w h i c h w a s n ' t n e c e s s a r y . I h a d g o n e u p t h e r e a n d h e l d h i m q u i t e t i g h t l y o n h i s a r m s . I r e a l l y 1 1 6 d i d n ' t t h i n k t h a t t h a t w a s n e c e s s a r y . I w e n t t o my r o o m a n d c o u n t e d t o 1 0 , t o o k a d e e p b r e a t h . S o I t h o u g h t , " O . K . W h a t d o I n e e d t o s a y t o h i m ? " S o , I w e n t b a c k t o h i m a n d h u g g e d h i m . "Mommy l o v e s y o u . I ' m s o r r y . Mommy g o t a n g r y . T h a t w a s M o m m y ' s f a u l t . " I a s k e d h i m t o f o r g i v e m e . T h e s e c o n d t i m e h e c r i e d w a s d i f f e r e n t . T h e f i r s t t i m e , h e w a s s o r t o f j u s t c r y i n g b e c a u s e h e w a s u p s e t . B u t b y t h e t i m e , h e g o t u p s t a i r s , i t w a s a m o r e s o b b i n g c r y . B y t h e n I k n e w , h e w a s r e a l l y h u r t . S o a l l o f a s u d d e n I t h o u g h t , " W h o a . I h a v e t o j u s t c o o l a b i t h e r e . " I d o f e e l i t w e n t a b i t t o o f a r b y t h e n b e c a u s e t h e s i t u a t i o n d i d n ' t m e r i t h i m c r y i n g l i k e t h a t . I t h o u g h t , " T h i s i s i t . Mom n e e d s t o t a k e a b r e a k h e r e . " W h e n I j u m p i n a n d w i n d u p h a v i n g t o d o t h e t a s k t h a t I h a v e a s s i g n e d , i t m a k e s me a n g r i e r . I k n o w t h a t n o w . S o , I k n o w t h a t i f I ' v e s e n t my c h i l d t o h i s / h e r r o o m , i t ' s n o t a g o o d i d e a f o r t h e me t o d o t h e t a s k r i g h t a w a y . I n e e d t o t a k e t h e t i m e a w a y a n d j u s t s i t , c o u n t , b r e a t h e o r w h a t e v e r . I l l u s t r a t i o n 2 : A d r e n a l i n r e a c t i o n , b l a m i n g , y e l l i n g , n o t e s c h i l d ' s b o d y l a n g u a g e , d e c i s i o n a l p a u s e t a k i n g i n t o a c c o u n t t h e c h i l d ' s p e r s p e c t i v e , a p o l o g i z e s , a n d e x p l a i n s . C o n t e x t : T h e m o t h e r a n d c h i l d ( a g e 4 1 / 2 ) a r e r i d i n g i n t h e c a r . T h e c h i l d o p e n s t h e d o o r o f t h e m o v i n g c a r . O f c o u r s e , a d r e n a l i n t a k e s o v e r a n d I s c r e a m e d . I r e a c h e d o v e r . I s l a m m e d t h e d o o r . " D o n ' t y o u e v e r o p e n t h e d o o r a g a i n ! H o w c o u l d y o u d o t h a t ! W h a t m a d e y o u d o t h a t ! " I w a s y e l l i n g , " B r a e d o n , h o w c o u l d y o u d o t h a t ! " I w a s s o s h o c k e d a n d s o s c a r e d . H e h a d j u s t d o n e i t . T h e c a r h a s f u n n y d o o r h a n d l e s , l i k e l i t t l e l e v e r s . T h e b a c k d o o r s w o n ' t o p e n . S o , I c a l m e d d o w n . H e w a s s o h u r t a t m y a n g e r a n d I g u e s s a f r a i d t o o . H e c o u l d n ' t c r y . Y o u c o u l d s e e t h e t e a r s i n h i s e y e s . I s a i d , " I ' m r e a l l y s o r r y b u t y o u k n o w w h y I s c r e a m e d l i k e t h a t ? B e c a u s e y o u s c a r e d m e , y o u r e a l l y f r i g h t e n e d m e . I w a s s o a f r a i d y o u w o u l d f a l l o u t o f t h e c a r a n d g e t s q u a s h e d . S o , Mommy w a s s o a f r a i d a n d t h a t i s w h y I s c r e a m e d a t y o u . " H e s t a r t e d c r y i n g t h e n . We g o t t o t h e g a s s t a t i o n . I w a s f e e l i n g g u i l t y b e c a u s e I h a d r e a l l y 1 1 7 y e l l e d a t h i m . B u t t h e n o n t h e o t h e r h a n d , o n c e I e x p l a i n e d w h y I w a s s o a n g r y w i t h h i m , I t h i n k i t m a d e m o r e o f a n i m p a c t o n h i m t h a t i f I h a d j u s t y e l l e d . I f e l t a f t e r w a r d s t h a t m a y b e I s h o u l d n ' t h a v e y e l l e d a t h i m , b u t b y e x p l a i n i n g w h y I h a d y e l l e d , t h a t h e h a d r e a l l y f r i g h t e n e d m e , l e t t i n g h i m s e e t h a t Moms g e t s c a r e d t o o i m p r e s s e d h i m . I t h i n k t h a t t h a t ' s w h a t b o t h e r e d h i m b e c a u s e i f a Mom g e t s s c a r e d , i t r e a l l y i s d a n g e r o u s . I t h i n k h e w a s i m p r e s s e d t h a t I w a s a f r a i d a n d t h a t i t w a s t h a t d a n g e r o u s t h a t i t s c a r e d m e . I r e a l l y f e l t t h a t i t h a d a p o s i t i v e ( r e s o l u t i o n ) b e c a u s e w h e n w e g o t o u r g a s a n d w h e n w e w e r e s t a n d i n g i n l i n e t o p a y , I a s k e d , " D o y o u t h i n k t h a t w a s a s c a r y t h i n g ? W o u l d y o u e v e r d o i t a g a i n ? " H e s a i d , " N e v e r . " . . . . ( T h e r e i s a f e e l i n g ) t h a t h e c a n t r u s t me t h a t u s u a l l y w h e n I t e l l h i m s o m e t h i n g , i t i s b e c a u s e I w a n t h i m t o b e p r o t e c t e d . T h e s e p l o t s s h a r e t h e c o m m o n f e a t u r e t h a t t h e m o t h e r i n t h e m o m e n t o f a n g e r i s a b l e t o n o t i c e h e r c h i l d a s w e l l . A n g e r a n d e m p a t h y a r e p r e s e n t t o g e t h e r . T h e n s h e i n c o r p o r a t e s t h a t i n f o r m a t i o n i n t o h e r r e s p o n s e . A n g e r o f t e n i s a r r e s t e d b y ( a ) a g o a l r e a l i g n m e n t , e . g . , " W h a t am I d o i n g ? I d o n ' t w a n t t o h u r t my c h i l d . I d o n ' t w a n t my c h i l d t o f e a r m e . " o r b y (b ) a r e a p p r a i s a l o f i n t e n t i o n a l i t y , e . g . , " H e / s h e d i d n ' t m e a n i t . " O n e m o t h e r s h a r e d a s t o r y t h a t w a s n o t i n c l u d e d i n t h e d a t a s e t b e c a u s e t h e i n c i d e n t d e s c r i b e s a n g e r a t h e r c h i l d w h o w a s y o u n g e r t h a n t h e a g e o f 2. H o w e v e r , i t i s i n c l u d e d h e r e a s i t a l s o i l l u s t r a t e s t h a t m o t h e r s c a n u s e t h e k n o w l e d g e g a i n e d i n a c o e r c i v e i n c i d e n t t o b e g i n a p r o b l e m - s o l v i n g p r o c e s s w h i c h o v e r a l o n g e r 1 1 8 t i m e p e r i o d c a n l e a d t o a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n . I l l u s t r a t i o n : C o e r c i o n , g u i l t , r e f l e c t i o n , a s s e r t i v e a c t i o n . C o n t e x t : M o t h e r i s h e l p i n g s o n t o g e t r e a d y f o r b e d . I r e m e m b e r o n e i n c i d e n t t h a t w a s r e a l l y h o r r i b l e . I t w a s s o r t o f a t u r n i n g p o i n t f o r m e . J a c k s o n w a s p r o b a b l y 16 m o n t h s . I w o u l d h a v e b e e n f a i r l y w e l l a l o n g i n my s e c o n d p r e g n a n c y . I r e m e m b e r h i m b e i n g q u i t e w i l f u l a n d n o t c o o p e r a t i n g w i t h m e . I t w a s l a t e a n d I w a s t r y i n g t o g e t h i m r e a d y f o r b e d . I w a s n o t s l e e p i n g v e r y w e l l . F o r t h e f i r s t t w o y e a r s o f J a c k s o n ' s l i f e , I w a s u p s e v e r a l t i m e s a n i g h t . I w a s q u i t e d e p r e s s e d . I l o o k b a c k a n d I t h i n k i t w a s m o r e f r o m b e i n g w o r n o u t m o r e t h a n a n y t h i n g . A t t h e t i m e , I d i d n ' t u n d e r s t a n d w h a t w a s g o i n g o n w h i c h a d d e d t o t h e p r o b l e m . I r e m e m b e r t r y i n g t o g e t h i m r e a d y f o r b e d . H e w a s n o t h e l p i n g m e . I j u s t c o m p l e t e l y l o s t i t . I g o t s o a n g r y . I s c r e a m e d a t h i m . H e w a s o n t h e b e d a n d I w a s k n e e l i n g d o w n a n d t r y i n g t o g e t h i s p y j a m a s o n h i m . I s c r e a m e d . I d o n ' t k n o w w h a t I s a i d . I j u s t w e n t a b s o l u t e l y b e r s e r k . I t o o k h i s p y j a m a s a n d j u s t w h a c k e d h i m w i t h t h e m . I s u d d e n l y t h o u g h t , " O h , my G o d . I h a v e c r o s s e d t h e l i n e . " I t w a s a h o r r i f y i n g m o m e n t . I k i n d o f g a t h e r e d h i m u p i n my a r m s a n d a p o l o g i z e d a n d b u r s t i n t o t e a r s . I t w a s r e a l l y h a r d . I s o r t o f c a r r i e d o n , b u t i t w a s a m o m e n t w h e n I t h o u g h t , " T h i s i s n ' t a p p r o p r i a t e a n g e r . " T o n o t h a v e t h a t c o n t r o l a n d i t r e a l l y s c a r e d m e . I t r e a l l y s c a r e d me t h a t I c o u l d h a v e a n g e r t h a t c o u l d g e t t h a t f a r o u t o f my c o n t r o l . I t w a s s o r t o f l i k e , " O h my G o d , I ' m g o i n g t o b e a T . V . m o v i e o f t h e w e e k , t h e w o m a n w h o b e a t h e r s o n w i t h t h e p y j a m a s . " B u t a t t h e t i m e , i t s o r t o f w o k e me u p a b i t t o t h e f a c t t h a t I w a s p r o b a b l y n e e d i n g s o m e h e l p f r o m o t h e r p e o p l e . I t w a s s o r t o f t i m e t o t a k e a l o o k a t w h e r e I w a s a t a n d w h a t I n e e d e d t o d o f r o m t h e r e . A t t h e t i m e , i t w a s a m a t t e r o f n o t r e c o g n i z i n g my o w n n e e d s o r j u s t c o n s t a n t l y p u t t i n g my n e e d s a t t h e b o t t o m o f t h e l i s t , l i k e c o n s t a n t l y . S u b c o n s c i o u s l y , I t h i n k I b u i l t u p a h u g e r e s e n t m e n t t h a t t h e r e w a s t h i s c h i l d t h a t t o o k e v e r y t h i n g f r o m me a n d my h u s b a n d n e e d e d c e r t a i n t h i n g s f r o m m e , t h e h o u s e w a s o n my s h o u l d e r s . I w a s p u t t i n g n o t i m e a s i d e f o r m e , t o d o t h i n g s t h a t I w a n t e d t o d o . 1 1 9 T h e m o t h e r d e s c r i b e d g o i n g t o a d r o p - i n g r o u p f o r m o t h e r s o v e r t h e n e x t 2 y e a r s . S h e f o u n d t h i s e x t r e m e l y h e l p f u l . A d d i t i o n a l l y , s h e m a d e c h a n g e s s u c h a s g o i n g b a c k t o w o r k p a r t - t i m e a n d t a k i n g c o u r s e s . S h e c o n c l u d e s : I t h i n k t h a t w a s t h e l e s s o n t h a t I h a d t o l e a r n . I s t i l l h a v e t o h a v e a p a r t o f me t h a t i s j u s t m e , t h e o l d me b e f o r e I h a d k i d s . S o m e h o w , I m i s s e d t h a t i n t h e b e g i n n i n g . I t r e a l l y a f f e c t e d m e . I t h i n k t h a t i s w h e r e a l o t o f my d e p r e s s i o n a n d i n a b i l i t y t o c o p e a n d t h e s e n s e o f o v e r w h e l m i n g b u r d e n o f h a v i n g c h i l d r e n c a m e f r o m . I f o u n d t h a t t h r o u g h w o r k i n g a n d h a v i n g s o m e t h i n g t h a t i s my o w n , l i k e d o i n g n i g h t s c h o o l c o u r s e s , i s i m p o r t a n t . H a v i n g a s e n s e o f p u r p o s e , a p l a n a n d t h a t my l i f e i s c a r r y i n g o n e n a b l e s me t o a p p r e c i a t e m y c h i l d r e n a n d t h e t i m e I h a v e w i t h t h e m . W h e r e a s i f I ' m j u s t t a k i n g c a r e o f my c h i l d r e n , I g e t r e s e n t f u l o f t h e m . I h a t e t h e s e f i e n d s t h a t t a k e o v e r my w h o l e l i f e . T h e a g g r e s s i v e a c t a w a k e n e d h e r t o t h e f a c t t h a t s h e n e e d e d h e l p . I t h a d a c o n s t r u c t i v e o u t c o m e b e c a u s e t h e m o t h e r s o u g h t s u p p o r t a n d m a d e c h a n g e s o v e r t i m e . C . S e p a r a t i o n I n t h i s s t u d y , s e p a r a t i o n r e f e r s t o a p h y s i c a l s e p a r a t i o n o f b o t h t i m e a n d s p a c e , a t i m e a w a y o r a t i m e o u t . E i t h e r t h e m o t h e r s e p a r a t e s h e r s e l f f r o m h e r c h i l d , r e m o v e s t h e c h i l d t o a s e p a r a t e r o o m , o r s i m p l y r e m o v e s t h e c h i l d a w a y f r o m t h e o r i g i n a l c o n f l i c t s i t e . I n t h i s c a t e g o r y , t h e r e a r e t h r e e p o s s i b l e p l o t s . T h e t w o c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n p l o t s d e p e n d e d o n a s e p a r a t i o n b e t w e e n t h e m o t h e r a n d c h i l d o f a s u f f i c i e n t 1 2 0 d u r a t i o n f o r o n e o r b o t h o f t h e m t o r e g a i n c a l m . I n t h e c o e r c i v e p l o t , t h e r e i s n o s e p a r a t i o n o r i t i s o f i n s u f f i c i e n t d u r a t i o n . T h e m o t h e r o f t e n s t a y s e m o t i o n a l l y e n g a g e d i n t h e c o n f l i c t a n d i n c l o s e p h y s i c a l p r o x i m i t y . T h e m o t h e r i s t h e a g e n t w h o c a r r i e s o u t t h e s e p a r a t i o n . S e p a r a t i o n d i f f e r e n t i a t e s i t s e l f f r o m t h e p r e v i o u s t w o c a t e g o r i e s i n t h a t o f t e n t h e m o t h e r o r t h e c h i l d i s e x p e r i e n c i n g a m o r e i n t e n s e a n g e r , a t e m p e r a m e n t a l o u t b u r s t o r r a g e . I t i s m o r e d i f f i c u l t t o c a l m t h e c h i l d w i t h w o r d s . C o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e a n d r e s o l u t i o n p l o t -S u f f i c i e n t s e p a r a t i o n . T h e r e w e r e f o u r s t o r i e s i n t h i s c a t e g o r y . I n t h r e e s t o r i e s , t h e c h i l d i s h a v i n g a t e m p e r a m e n t a l o u t b u r s t . I n t h e o t h e r , t h e c h i l d h a s p u s h e d a n o t h e r c h i l d . T h e d e c i s i o n a l p a u s e p r e c e d e s t h e i n c i d e n t , i n t h a t p r i o r t o t h e c o n f l i c t , t h e m o t h e r h a s d e c i d e d h o w t o h a n d l e a r a g i n g c h i l d o r s e p a r a t i o n i s o n e o f t h e m o t h e r ' s d i s c i p l i n e s t r a t e g i e s a n d i s m o r e a u t o m a t i c i n n a t u r e . T h e m o t h e r : - m a y b e a w a r e o f o w n f e e l i n g s - d e c i d e s w h e t h e r s h e c a n r e a s o n w i t h t h e c h i l d o r n o t - i m p o s e s a s e p a r a t i o n / t i m e - o u t i n a c a l m , y e t f i r m m a n n e r - a l l o w s s u f f i c i e n t t i m e f o r t h e c h i l d a n d h e r s e l f t o 1 2 1 r e g a i n a s t a t e o f c a l m - c h o o s e s o n e o r m o r e o f t h e s e n o n c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e s : ( a ) e x p l a i n s b r i e f l y , r e s t a t e s e x p e c t a t i o n s ( b ) c o m f o r t s t h e c h i l d ( c ) s i m p l y i n v i t e s t h e c h i l d t o t h e n e x t a c t i v i t y . U s u a l l y , t h e m o t h e r a n d t h e c h i l d e x p e r i e n c e r e l i e f a t t h e e n d o f t h e e p i s o d e . T h r o u g h o u t t h e i n c i d e n t t h e l a n g u a g e i s c a l m , d i r e c t , a n d n o n b l a m i n g . T h e m o t h e r d o e s n o t e n g a g e i n t h e c o n f l i c t a n d s h e m a y e v e n a v o i d b e c o m i n g a n g r y . S h e f i r m l y a n d q u i e t l y p r o v i d e s t i m e a n d s p a c e f o r c a l m t o b e r e e s t a b l i s h e d . I l l u s t r a t i o n 1 : D e c i s i o n a l p a u s e : " N o t h i n g h a s w o r k e d . L e t ' s t r y s e p a r a t i o n . " S e p a r a t i o n . I n v i t a t i o n t o e a t . C o n t e x t : T h e c h i l d ( a g e 2 ) i s t h r o w i n g f o o d a t t h e d i n n e r t a b l e . T h e r e w a s a t i m e w h e n J u s t i n w a s t h r o w i n g f o o d . N o t h i n g w o r k e d . We w o u l d t a l k t o h i m , b u t h e j u s t k e p t d o i n g i t . T h e r e w e r e t i m e s w h e n w e w o u l d y e l l , " J u s t i n , s t o p ! " N o t h i n g w o u l d w o r k . We f o u n d r e m o v i n g h i m f r o m t h e t a b l e a n d l e t t i n g h i m c r y i t o u t i n h i s c r i b h e l p e d h i m . We p i c k e d h i m u p , r e a l l y c a l m , " W e ' r e g o i n g t o p u t y o u i n y o u r b e d r o o m f o r 5 m i n u t e s . " A f t e r 5 m i n u t e s , h e r e a l l y c a l m e d d o w n . I t r e a l l y w o r k e d . We w e n t u p s t a i r s a n d w o u l d s a y , " R e a d y t o e a t " . We w o u l d b r i n g h i m d o w n s t a i r s . I n s t e a d o f g e t t i n g a l l w o r k e d u p a t t h e t a b l e , w e t h o u g h t t h i s w o u l d b e b e t t e r . T h e r e w a s n o r e a s o n i n g w i t h h i m . T h e r e w a s n o s c r e a m i n g o r f i g h t i n g w i t h h i m . We j u s t r e m o v e d h i m c a l m l y f r o m t h e d i n n e r t a b l e . We d i d n ' t d w e l l o n t h e f a c t t h a t h e h a d h a d a h a r d t i m e o f m a n a g i n g b e f o r e . T h e f i r s t t i m e I d i d t h i s , my h e a r t w a s p o u n d i n g 1 2 2 a l t h o u g h I r e m a i n e d c a l m . I t w a s n i c e i n t h e e n d . J u s t i n d i d n ' t g e t a r e a c t i o n o u t o f m e . T h e f i r s t t i m e I t r i e d t h i s , I t h i n k a g i r l f r i e n d t o l d me a b o u t i t . I s a i d t o my h u s b a n d , " L e t ' s t r y t h i s . " H e i s g a m e f o r a n y t h i n g . I d i d t h i s a n d I f o u n d i t w o r k e d . I l l u s t r a t i o n 2 : T h e c h i l d i s r a g i n g , m o t h e r s e p a r a t e s h e r s e l f , t h e c h i l d r e g a i n s c a l m , m o t h e r c o m f o r t s t h e c h i l d . C o n t e x t : C h i l d ( a g e 4) w a n t s t h e m o t h e r t o p u t o n m o r e t a p e s . W i t h L e s t e r , I r e m e m b e r o n e n i g h t o n e o f h i s r a g e s w a s c o m i n g t h r o u g h . I h a d p u t h i m t o b e d a n d I h a d p u t o n h i s t a p e . H e l i k e s t o g o t o s l e e p t o a t a p e . S o , I p u t o n t w o t a p e s b a c k t o b a c k . H e w a n t e d a n o t h e r c o u p l e t a p e s . S o , I p u t o n t w o m o r e t a p e s . I s a i d , " A f t e r t h a t , y o u k n o w y o u s h o u l d r e a l l y b e a s l e e p b y t h e n . I t ' s a l m o s t a n h o u r a n d h a l f . " W e l l , t h e s e t w o t a p e s w e n t o f f a n d h e s a i d , " M o m , I n e e d t w o m o r e t a p e s . " I s a i d , " N o . I t ' s b e d t i m e n o w . N o m o r e t a p e s . " W e l l , o u t o f t h e b l u e . V i r t u a l l y , t h a t ' s w h e r e i t c a m e f r o m . H e s t a r t e d s c r e a m i n g , y e l l i n g , a n d g r i t t i n g h i s t e e t h . H e w a s i n a r a g e s c r e a m i n g . " I w a n t t h a t t a p e o n a n d y o u h a d b e t t e r p u t t h a t t a p e o n n o w ! " I t w a s j u s t i n c r e d i b l e . H e d o e s t h a t o n o c c a s i o n . S o , I c a l m l y t u r n e d o f f t h e t a p e o f f a n d s a i d , " G o t o s l e e p . " I s h u t t h e d o o r . T h e n h e c o n t i n u e d t o s c r e a m , r a n t a n d r a v e . I ' m i n my b e d r o o m . I t c o u l d h a v e g o n e e i t h e r w a y b e c a u s e I ' m t h i n k i n g , " G r e a t , i f h e w a k e s u p C a l e b , my y o u n g e s t , t h e n I ' l l r e a l l y b e t i c k e d o f f . " H e c o n t i n u e d t o r a n t a n d r a v e a n d s c r e a m . I l e t h i m a n d j u s t p r a y e d t h a t h e w o u l d n ' t w a k e u p m y l i t t l e o n e . T h e n w h e n I f i n a l l y h e a r d h i m r e a c h t h e e n d o f h i s f i t , I j u s t c a l m l y w e n t i n a n d j u s t h e l d h i m a n d c u d d l e d h i m . I s a i d , " Y o u c a n n o t t a l k t o me l i k e t h a t . T h i s c a n n o t h a p p e n e v e r y n i g h t . I s t i l l l o v e y o u . " T h e p o s i t i v e w i t h t h e n e g a t i v e . I w a n t e d t o c o n v e y t h e m e s s a g e , I l o v e y o u b u t I s o m e t i m e s d o n ' t l i k e w h a t y o u d o . S o , t h a t w a s a s i t u a t i o n t h a t c o u l d h a v e g o n e e i t h e r w a y . I w a s t e n s e f a c i n g t h e r a g e . H e p r o b a b l y r a g e d f o r t e n m i n u t e s . I d i d n ' t g o i n u n t i l h e h a d f i n i s h e d . S o m u c h d e p e n d s o n m e . 1 2 3 A l t h o u g h t h e m o t h e r m a y b e e x p e r i e n c i n g t e n s i o n , t h e s e p a r a t i o n i s c a r r i e d o u t i n a c a l m , n o n p u n i t i v e m a n n e r . T h e n e x t g r o u p i n g o f s t o r i e s d i f f e r s i n t h a t t h e s e p a r a t i o n i s c a r r i e d o u t i n a c o e r c i v e , p u n i t i v e m a n n e r . C o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e , c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n p l o t -C o e r c i o n f o l l o w e d b y s u f f i c i e n t s e p a r a t i o n . T h e r e w e r e t h r e e i n c i d e n t s i n t h i s g r o u p i n g . I n a l l t h r e e i n c i d e n t s , t h e m o t h e r i s d e a l i n g w i t h a c h i l d t h a t i s h a v i n g a t e m p e r a m e n t a l o u t b u r s t . C o e r c i o n f o l l o w s t h e m o t h e r f e e l i n g t h a t s h e h a s h a d " e n o u g h " o r t h a t t h e c h i l d b e i n g i n t e n t i o n a l l y d e f i a n t . T h e m o t h e r : - s t r i k e s o u t v e r b a l l y a n d s o m e t i m e s , p h y s i c a l l y : ( a ) y e l l s o r s c r e a m s a t t h e c h i l d (b ) p u s h e s , s h a k e s , t h r o w s , o r h i t s a c h i l d - c o e r c i v e l y s e p a r a t e s c h i l d f r o m t h e s i t u a t i o n - m a y b e s w e p t i n t o a n e s c a l a t i n g s e q u e n c e o f f u r t h e r u p s e t ; e n g a g e s i n t h e c o n f l i c t ( a ) c h i l d p r o t e s t s ( b ) m o t h e r u s u a l l y b e c o m e s m o r e a n g r y ( c ) m o r e c o e r c i o n (d ) m o t h e r m a y n o t e t h e c h i l d ' s r e a c t i o n s , b u t i s c o n s u m e d b y h e r o w n e m o t i o n s - a l l o w s e n o u g h t i m e f o r t h e c h i l d a n d h e r s e l f t o c a l m d o w n , e x p e r i e n c e s r e l i e f 124 -steps back mentally, reassesses the s i t u a t i o n -responds i n a noncoercive way (a) decides how to handle the c o n f l i c t next time (b) explains, restates expectations (c) responds to the underlying need -may experience lin g e r i n g feelings of regret and g u i l t over the coercion. I l l u s t r a t i o n 1: Escalating coercion, coercive separation, s u f f i c i e n t time, explanation. Context: It's dinner time. The children are whining at the dinner table. Mother i s t i r e d and her husband i s at work. I was dealing with Ian (age 2 3/4) and try i n g to get him fed and he needed a l o t of attention too. I think i t was because of Rosalind (age 1 1/2) was whining and what not and I was t r y i n g to deal with her too. My husband was at work. Ian was being a re a l whiner and he was sort of dropping food on the f l o o r at dinner time, the things that he i s not allowed to do b a s i c a l l y , dumping food and taking his water and kind of d r i b b l i n g i t on the f l o o r . I said, "Ian, don't do that. Ian, don't do that. Stop doing that with your water. Stop dropping food on the f l o o r . " He was just being r e a l l y , he wouldn't eat, he was r e a l l y being h o r r i b l e . I said, "That's enough and I'm going to take your food away. I'm taking i t away right now!" I could f e e l my anger s t a r t i n g to r i s e . He goes, "No! No!" You know, "Whine, whine, whine." He went to grab his bowl back and I slapped his hand. I just whapped his hand and he burst into tears. I got, instead of sort of being nicer to him, i t made me angrier that he was whining even more. I said, "That's enough! Go up to your room!" I took him up to his room and closed the door. He was just h y s t e r i c a l , crying and what not. I l e f t him there for f i v e minutes which i s standard time. During that time, I sort of calmed down. I f e l t very bad that 1 2 5 I h a d w h a p p e d h i s h a n d a n d t h a t h e w a s s o u p s e t h i m s e l f . I n t h a t f i v e m i n u t e s , I r e a l i z e d t h a t i t h a d b e e n a l o n g a f t e r n o o n f o r a l l o f u s . S o , a f t e r f i v e m i n u t e s , I w e n t u p s t a i r s a n d s a i d , " L e t ' s t a l k a b o u t t h i s . L e t ' s s i t d o w n a n d t a l k a b o u t t h i s . " H e j u s t s a n k t o h i s k n e e s o n t h e f l o o r i n h i s r o o m a n d I s a t d o w n w i t h h i m . I s a i d , " Y o u r e a l l y m a d e me a n g r y . I ' m v e r y , v e r y t i r e d a n d y o u m a d e me v e r y a n g r y b y m e s s i n g w i t h y o u r f o o d . Mommy , c a n ' t d o e v e r y t h i n g a l l t h e t i m e . S o , y o u h a v e t o b e n i c e t o Mommy s o m e t i m e s . " H e s a i d , " O h , O . K . " I t m a d e me r e a l i z e t h a t h e h a s t o l e a r n t h a t I c a n ' t b e e v e r y t h i n g a l l t h e t i m e . H e h a s t o l e a r n t h a t I c a n g e t m a d t o o , t h a t i t i s O . K . , t h a t I g e t a n g r y t o o . I a l s o l e a r n e d a t t h a t t i m e t o o t h a t h e n e e d s t o s e e me a n g r y . H e n e e d s t o s e e t h a t I am n o t t h i s e n d l e s s f o u n t a i n o f p a t i e n c e , t h a t I h a v e my b o u n d a r i e s t o o . I l l u s t r a t i o n 2 : C o e r c i v e s e p a r a t i o n , s u f f i c i e n t t i m e , r e s o l u t i o n t o u s e t h i s s t r a t e g y a g a i n . C o n t e x t : T h e m o t h e r f e e l s h e r c h i l d i s d e l i b e r a t e l y p u s h i n g h e r . T h e f i r s t t i m e I p u t h i m i n h i s r o o m f o r t i m e o u t , h e w a s p r o b a b l y t w o a n d s o m e t h i n g . I w o u l d b e t t w o - i s h b e c a u s e a s a y o u n g e r c h i l d , f i f t e e n t o e i g h t e e n m o n t h s , I r e m e m b e r h i m b e i n g r e a l l y d i f f i c u l t , b u t j u s t b e c a u s e h e h a d a h i g h e n e r g y l e v e l , n o t b e c a u s e h e w a s d e l i b e r a t e l y d o i n g t h i n g s . W h e n h e w a s a l i t t l e o l d e r , i t s t a r t e d b e i n g d e l i b e r a t e , " L e t ' s p u s h M u m , a n d s e e h o w f a r . " I g u e s s i t w a s a b o u t t w o . I p u t h i m i n h i s r o o m a n d h e l d t h e d o o r s o t h a t h e c o u l d n ' t c o m e o u t . T h e f i r s t t i m e I d i d , I d i d i t s t r i c t l y o u t o f a n g e r . I w a s s o m a d a t t h a t k i d t h a t I j u s t w a n t e d t o s h u t t h e d o o r . " T h e r e I ' m s t r o n g e r t h a n y o u a r e , m o r e p o w e r f u l a n d y o u c a n ' t g e t o u t ! " I f e l t r e a l l y g u i l t y a b o u t i t . I w o u l d b e t t h a t I h a d h e l d t h e d o o r f o r t w o t o t h r e e m i n u t e s , f i v e m i n u t e s a b s o l u t e m a x i m u m . I f o u n d o u t t h o u g h , t h a t i t d i d w o r k , t h a t t i m e -o u t d i d w o r k . N i c h o l a s p u l l e d a w a y f r o m t h e d o o r a n d w i t h i n a m i n u t e o r t w o , h e s t o p p e d c r y i n g o r s o b b i n g o r w h a t e v e r t h e t a n t r u m t h a t h e w a s d o i n g . H e q u i e t e n e d d o w n . U s u a l l y , e s p e c i a l l y w h e n I f i r s t s t a r t e d d o i n g t h a t , h e v e r y q u i c k l y q u i e t e d d o w n a n d w a s v e r y , v e r y 126 q u i c k l y s o r r y f o r h i s b e h a v i o u r b e c a u s e h e h a d b a s i c a l l y l o s t c o n t r o l . A t t h e p o i n t a t w h i c h I h a d p u t h i m i n h i s r o o m , h e h a d l o s t c o n t r o l . S o , i t h a s b e c o m e t a c t i c t h a t I u s e . I t r e a l l y s w u n g me a r o u n d , m o v i n g me a w a y f r o m h i t t i n g a n d s p a n k i n g t o r e m o v i n g h i m , p u t t i n g h i m a w a y f r o m me a n d a w a y f r o m t h e s i t u a t i o n . I h a v e d e f i n i t e l y u s e d t h i s s t r a t e g y i n a c a l m w a y b e c a u s e o n c e I r e a l i z e d i t h a d a r e a l l y q u i c k , g o o d e f f e c t f o r h i m a n d t h a t a l s o w h a t h a p p e n e d f o r h i m w h e n h e g o t t h a t a n g r y t h a t h e c o u l d n ' t c o n t r o l h i m s e l f w a s t h a t h e w a s o u t o f c o n t r o l . I t w a s t h e q u i c k e s t w a y f o r h i m t o r e g a i n c o n t r o l . H e w o u l d b e s o r r y t h a t h e h a d m i s b e h a v e d , I m e a n g e n u i n e l y c o n t r i t e . I t w a s n ' t , " W h a t d o I h a v e t o d o t o g e t o u t o f h e r e ? " I t w a s a r e a l c o n t r i t e n e s s . I n t h e s e p l o t s , t h e m o t h e r w h o i s a l r e a d y a n g r y s e p a r a t e s o r r e m o v e s h e r s e l f / c h i l d f r o m t h e s i t u a t i o n . O v e r a l l , a s e p a r a t i o n o f s u f f i c i e n t d u r a t i o n b r i n g s r e l i e f a n d t h e a b i l i t y t o t h i n k a g a i n . T h e m o t h e r m a y t h e n e x p r e s s e m p a t h y f o r t h e c h i l d b u t i t i s n o t t h e e m p a t h y t h a t a r r e s t s t h e a n g e r ; t h e a n g e r i s a r r e s t e d o n c e s e p a r a t i o n a n d s u f f i c i e n t t i m e o c c u r . T h e m o t h e r t h e n e x p l a i n s a n d r e s t o r e s g o o d f e e l i n g s . I n t h i s s t u d y , s u f f i c i e n t s e p a r a t i o n r a n g e d f r o m 1 m i n u t e t o 10 m i n u t e s . C o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e p l o t - L a c k o f s e p a r a t i o n . T h e r e w e r e 11 i n c i d e n t s i n t h i s g r o u p i n g . O f t h e 11 i n c i d e n t s , 3 a r e u n e x p e c t e d e v e n t s , 2 r e p r e s e n t a n a d r e n a l i n r e a c t i o n , 4 a r e r e c u r r i n g c o n f l i c t s , a n d 2 r e s u l t f r o m r e p e a t e d i n t e r r u p t i o n s . I n t h i s c a t e g o r y , 10 i n c i d e n t s i n v o l v e c h i l d r e f u s a l . E s c a l a t i o n o c c u r s 1 2 7 i n 3 o f t h e i n c i d e n t s . T h e m o t h e r : - s t r i k e s o u t v e r b a l l y a n d s o m e t i m e s , p h y s i c a l l y : ( a ) y e l l s o r s c r e a m s a t t h e c h i l d ( b ) p u s h e s , s h a k e s , t h r o w s , o r h i t s t h e c h i l d - m a y b e s w e p t i n t o a n e s c a l a t i n g s e q u e n c e o f f u r t h e r u p s e t : ( a ) c h i l d p r o t e s t s (b ) m o t h e r u s u a l l y b e c o m e s m o r e a n g r y ( c ) m o r e c o e r c i o n (d ) m o t h e r m a y n o t e t h e c h i l d ' s r e a c t i o n s , b u t i s c o n s u m e d b y h e r o w n e m o t i o n s ( e ) s e p a r a t e s c h i l d c o e r c i v e l y - s t a y s e n g a g e d i n t h e c o n f l i c t / s e p a r a t e s f o r a n i n s u f f i c i e n t d u r a t i o n - f e e l s w o r n o u t o r h u r t b y t h e c h i l d - o f t e n e x p e r i e n c e s g u i l t , r e g r e t o v e r c o e r c i o n , l i n g e r i n g a n g e r ; f e e l s d i s a p p o i n t e d i n s e l f - a l l o w s t i m e t o e n d t h e c o n f l i c t ; t h e r e i s n o i n t e n t i o n a l r e s o l u t i o n . O f t e n t h e m o t h e r a t t e m p t s t o u s e r e a s o n , b u t w h e n t h i s f a i l s , h e r l a n g u a g e b e c o m e i n t i m i d a t i n g a n d b l a m i n g . T h e m o t h e r ' s g o a l m a y b e a c h i e v e d b u t t h r o u g h t h e u s e o f i n t i m i d a t i o n o r f o r c e . T h r o u g h o u t t h e s e q u e n c e t h e m o t h e r r e s p o n d s t o h e r e m o t i o n s . I l l u s t r a t i o n 1 : T i m e c o n s t r a i n t , n o n c o m p l i a n c e , e s c a l a t i n g c o e r c i o n , r e s o l u t i o n d u e t o t h e p a s s a g e o f 1 2 8 t i m e . C o n t e x t : T h e m o t h e r h a s t o l e a v e t h e h o u s e . H e r d a u g h t e r ( a g e 2 1 / 2 ) i s r e f u s i n g t o g e t d r e s s e d . O n e t i m e w h e n I t u r n e d a r o u n d a n d s h e w a s a b s o l u t e l y -n a k e d a n d I h a d t o b e s o m e w h e r e . I j u s t c o u l d n ' t d e a l w i t h t h i s . I j u s t g o t f u r i o u s , a b s o l u t e l y f u r i o u s . I t h i n k I j u s t p i c k e d h e r u p a n d p l u n k e d h e r v e r y f i r m l y o n t h e c h a n g e t a b l e a n d h e l d h e r s t i l l . I t r i e d t o g e t h e r n o s e t o n o s e w i t h m e , w h i l e I ' m s a y i n g t o h e r , " Y o u w i l l b e d r e s s e d a n d y o u w i l l b e d r e s s e d n o w b e c a u s e I h a v e t o g o . " B a s i c a l l y , I w a s i n t i m i d a t i n g h e r , t h e p o o r t h i n g . H o w e v e r , i t d o e s n ' t w o r k w i t h H a l e y . E v e n t u a l l y , I d i d s t r u g g l e t o g e t h e r i n t o h e r c l o t h e s . I g o t h e r i n t o s o m e c l o t h e s b e c a u s e w h a t s h e w a n t e d w a s i n t h e b o t t o m o f t h e l a u n d r y b a s k e t a n d i t h a d s p a g h e t t i a l l o v e r i t . We w r e s t l e d . A s I p u t t h e d i a p e r t a b s , s h e ' d p u l l i t o f f . I n e v e r g o t t h e b u t t o n s d o n e u p , n e v e r g o t t h e d i a p e r t a b s d o n e u p . I j u s t p i c k e d h e r u p a n d p u t h e r i n t h e c a r t h a t w a y a n y h o w . I t h o u g h t , " M a y b e s h e ' l l c a l m d o w n o n t h e r i d e a n d I c a n g e t h e r d o n e u p t h e r e . " W h i c h i s w h a t h a p p e n e d . I g o t i n t h e c a r , t u r n e d u p t h e r a d i o a n d l i t a c i g a r e t t e . I o p e n e d t h e w i n d o w s . I d o n ' t u s u a l l y s m o k e i n f r o n t o f t h e k i d s , b u t I w a s u p s e t . I w e n t , b a n g . S h e d i d c a l m d o w n . T h a n k G o d i t w a s a n h o u r l o n g d r i v e . I c a l m e d d o w n . I l l u s t r a t i o n 2 : A d r e n a l i n r e s p o n s e , c o e r c i o n . C o n t e x t ; M o t h e r h a s a s k e d h e r s o n ( a g e 3) t o s t a y c l o s e b y , b u t t h e c h i l d h a s d i s a p p e a r e d f r o m s i g h t . T h e r e a r e l a r g e s n o w d r i f t s . T h e n a Mom c a m e o v e r a n d w e a l l w a l k e d u p t o t h e e n d o f o u r c u l - d e - s a c w h e r e t h e r e i s t h i s h u g e s n o w b a n k . T h e y a r e c l i m b i n g u p i t . " P e t e r , d o n ' t g o t o o f a r u p . " T h e b a b y i s i n a l i t t l e s l e d . H e ' s f i n e . P e t e r i s c l i m b i n g t h i s m o u n t a i n o f s n o w . I ' m w a t c h i n g h i m w i t h t h e o t h e r k i d s . I ' m a b i t w o r r i e d . I s a i d , " P l e a s e b e c a r e f u l . " H e i s d o i n g a l r i g h t . I ' v e n o t i c e d t h a t h e c a n m a n a g e a l r i g h t , t h a t ' s O . K . " P e t e r , j u s t b e c a r e f u l . D o n ' t g o a n y f u r t h e r . S t i c k w h e r e y o u c a n s e e m e . " C h a t t i n g , a n d I l o o k u p a n d P e t e r i s g o n e . T h r e e m o r e k i d s h a d t u r n e d u p . H e h a d g o n e o f f w i t h a l l o f 1 2 9 t h e m . " W h e r e i s h e ? " I ' m g e t t i n g a b i t t e n s e . M y h e a r t i s b e g i n n i n g t o p o u n d . A n y w a y , I l o o k a n d I s e e t h e s e k i d s a c r o s s a n e m p t y l o t . T h e s n o w , I k i d y o u n o t , i s t h i g h d e e p . T h e b a b y i s i n t h e s l e d . I ' m p u l l i n g h i m b e h i n d m e , w a d i n g t h r o u g h t h i g h d e e p s n o w a c r o s s t h i s e m p t y l o t . I t ' s q u i t e h a r d w o r k . M y h e a r t i s b e a t i n g , b e a t i n g , b e a t i n g a n d I ' m t h i n k i n g , " W h e r e i s my c h i l d ? W h e r e i s my c h i l d ? I d o n ' t w a n t t o f i n d h i m h e a d d o w n i n t h e s n o w b a n k . " I s e e t h e l i t t l e g i r l , K a r a a n d I y e l l o u t , " W h e r e i s P e t e r ? " " I d o n ' t k n o w . " D o n ' t f o r g e t t h i s i s o n l y a f i v e y e a r o l d . S h e ' s n o t r e s p o n s i b l e f o r my c h i l d , b u t I s t i l l d o n ' t k n o w w h e r e h e i s . I t ' s t a k i n g a l o n g t i m e t o w a d e t h r o u g h t h i s s n o w . I m u s t h a v e l e f t t h e s l e d b e c a u s e I r e m e m b e r g r a b b i n g t h e b a b y a n d s o r t o f d r a g g i n g h i m a c r o s s t h e s n o w . I w a s j u s t o u t o f i t a n d I s u d d e n l y s a w P e t e r . H e i s s c r e a m i n g , " M o m m y , mommy, m o m m y ! " H e i s t r y i n g t o g e t o v e r t h i s g a r d e n f e n c e . " P e t e r , j u s t w a i t . Mommy i s c o m i n g . " B y n o w , t h e b a b y i s s c r e a m i n g . H e d o e s n ' t k n o w w h a t i s h a p p e n i n g . H e i s b e i n g d r a g g e d a c r o s s t h e s n o w . I ' m t r y i n g t o f i g h t my w a y t h r o u g h t h i s s n o w , g e t P e t e r a n d b y n o w am e x h a u s t e d . I t ' s t h a t t h i n g w h e n y o u r c h i l d h a s d o n e s o m e t h i n g t h a t y o u d i d n ' t w a n t t h e m t o d o , b u t y o u ' r e r e l i e v e d t h a t t h e y a r e a l r i g h t . I t ' s t h a t a l t o g e t h e r , " P e t e r , I ' m s o c r o s s w i t h y o u . I s o v e r y , v e r y c r o s s w i t h y o u . C a n I g e t y o u d o w n ? " " N o , I d o n ' t w a n t t o . I w a n t t o g o o v e r i n t o t h a t g a r d e n . " " Y o u a r e n o t g o i n g o u t a n d y o u a r e n o t g o i n g o u t f o r y e a r s t o c o m e p r o b a b l y ! I h a d t o l e a v e t h e s l e d , g e t u p t h e s n o w b a n k . " I ' m d r a g g i n g t h e b a b y w i t h me a n d I ' m t h i n k i n g , " M a y b e , w e c a n g e t t h r o u g h t h i s p e r s o n ' s h o u s e b e c a u s e w e c a n ' t g e t t h r o u g h t h e g a t e . " I k n o c k a n d t h i n k , " P l e a s e b e h o m e . " T h e y a r e n o t h o m e . " P l e a s e l e t t h e m b e h o m e s o w e c a n w a l k t h r o u g h t h e i r h o u s e . W e ' l l t a k e o u r b o o t s o f f a n d w a l k t h r o u g h t h e i r h o u s e s o w e c a n g e t t o t h e f r o n t y a r d a n d t h e n , w a l k i n t h e s t r e e t . " N o b o d y i s h o m e . S o , w e h a v e t o r e t r a c e o u r s t e p s a n d I h a d t o d r a g t h e p o o r b a b y a n d d r a g P e t e r . H e s a y s , " I c a n ' t g o a n y f u r t h e r . " " I ' m s o c r o s s w i t h y o u ! Y o u a r e g o i n g t o w a l k b a c k i f i t k i l l s a l l o f u s . " P o o r l i t t l e t h i n g b e c a u s e 1 3 0 h e c o u l d n ' t w a l k b a c k a n d h e ' s s t i l l f i g h t s i t . We f i n a l l y g e t b a c k t o t h e h o u s e a n d I g i v e h i m w h a t f o r . " Y o u w i l l n o t h a v e a n y f r i e n d s o v e r a n d n o v i d e o s f o r a w h o l e w e e k ! " V i d e o i s k i n d o f i m p o r t a n t t o h i m . We w e r e s o a k i n g w e t . I t h o u g h t t h e b a b y p r o b a b l y h a d h y p o t h e r m i a o r s o m e t h i n g l i k e t h a t . H e i s s c r e a m i n g b e c a u s e h e n e e d s s o m e t h i n g t o e a t o r a b o t t l e a n d w e s p e n t a l l t h i s t i m e t r y i n g t o g e t P e t e r . I w a s f u r i o u s , f u r i o u s a n d d i d s p a n k P e t e r a t t h e t i m e . M a y b e i f y o u d o n ' t d o t h a t , y o u d o n ' t h a v e t o w o r r y a b o u t i t , b u t a f t e r w a r d s y o u a l w a y s f e e l , I s h o u l d n ' t h a v e d o n e t h a t . I w a s s o u p s e t , b u t r e l i e v e d h e w a s a l r i g h t . We w e r e a l l a l r i g h t a n d I s a i d , " P e t e r , y o u h a d b e t t e r t a k e a l l y o u r c l o t h e s o f f , p u t y o u r p y j a m a s o n a n d y o u c a n w a i t i n y o u r r o o m q u i e t l y . " H e w a s s o b b i n g b e c a u s e h e w a s u p s e t b e c a u s e h e c o u l d n ' t f o l l o w t h e k i d s . H e k n e w h e h a d g o t t e n i n t o a d i f f i c u l t s i t u a t i o n . H e w a s u p s e t b e c a u s e i t w a s h a r d f o r h i m t o g e t b a c k . T h e l i t t l e k i d s d o n ' t s i n k s o m u c h i n t h e s n o w . I t w a s h a r d w o r k . H e w a s u p s e t . H e w a s w e t a n d p r o b a b l y c o l d a n d h u n g r y . " W e ' l l g e t y o u s o m e t h i n g t o e a t , b u t y o u h a d b e t t e r s t a y i n y o u r r o o m . " S o m e t i m e s , i t i s h a r d t o b r e a t h e a f t e r p h y s i c a l e x e r t i o n a n d I w o r r i e d t h a t t h e b a b y w a s g o i n g t o b e d a m a g e d p e r m a n e n t l y f r o m h y p o t h e r m i a o r s o m e t h i n g . H e t u r n e d o u t t o b e a l r i g h t a n d P e t e r w a s a l r i g h t . I w a s j u s t s o m a d w i t h h i m a n d I t h i n k a t t h a t p o i n t , m a d a t m y s e l f b e c a u s e I h a d c h a t t e d w i t h t h i s w o m e n f o r a f e w m i n u t e s a n d t h e y h a d a l l g o n e . I l l u s t r a t i o n 3 : R e p e a t e d r e q u e s t , n o n c o m p l i a n c e , c o e r c i o n . C o n t e x t : M o t h e r h a s a s k e d s e v e r a l t i m e s t h e c h i l d r e n ( a g e s 5 , 4 , a n d 2) n o t t o b e n d a b r a n c h o n t h e p l u m t r e e . T h e k i d s w e r e o u t s i d e a n d I h a d a s k e d t h e m a l l d a y l o n g t o p l e a s e n o t p u l l o n my p l u m t r e e . T h e p l u m t r e e i s r i g h t n e a r t h e t r a m p o l i n e . T h e p l u m s w e r e f a l l i n g o f f a s t h e y d i d t h i s . T h e y k e p t d o i n g i t , a n d k e p t d o i n g i t . I d o n ' t k n o w w h y t h e y w o u l d n ' t l i s t e n . S o I l o s t i t a t t h e e n d o f d a y . I t h i n k t h e r e w a s a n a c t u a l b r a n c h t h a t I s a w o n t h e g r a s s . I p r o b a b l y s c r e a m e d , r a n t e d a n d r a v e d . I m a d e t h e m c l e a n u p t h e 1 3 1 w h o l e y a r d s c r e a m i n g a n d r a n t i n g a s I w a s o u t t h e r e w i t h t h e m . T h e r e w a s n o t h i n g p o s i t i v e t h a t c a m e o u t o f i t . I n s t e a d o f i n s t i l l i n g a n y k i n d o f r a t i o n a l p u n i s h m e n t o r c o n s e q u e n c e , a l l I d i d w a s r a n t a n d r a v e a n d h a v e t h e m c l e a n t h e y a r d . A g a i n , t h e r e w a s t o o m u c h o n my p l a t e . I w a s i n t h e m i d s t o f a l l t h e h o u s e r e n o v a t i o n s . I t w a s o n e m o r e t h i n g t o h a v e t o d e a l w i t h . T h e d i s t i n g u i s h i n g c h a r a c t e r i s t i c b e t w e e n t h i s p l o t a n d t h e p r e c e d i n g t w o i s t h a t t h e r e i s n o s e p a r a t i o n o r o n e o f i n s u f f i c i e n t d u r a t i o n . O n c e t h e a n g e r i s a r o u s e d t h e m o t h e r s t a y s m e n t a l l y e n g a g e d i n t h e c o n f l i c t a n d i n c l o s e p h y s i c a l p r o x i m i t y . D . R e l i e f R e l i e f r e f e r s t o s o m e o n e s t e p p i n g i n t o a s i t u a t i o n i n a s u p p o r t i v e w a y ; i . e . , a n o t h e r p e r s o n f a c i l i t a t e s a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n . S o m e o n e t a k e s o v e r a n d t h e m o t h e r c a n s t e p a w a y f r o m t h e c o n f l i c t . A n g e r s u b s i d e s . T h e r e a r e t h r e e s t o r i e s i n t h i s g r o u p i n g . T h e r e w e r e t w o a d d i t i o n a l s t o r i e s c o l l e c t e d w h e r e m o t h e r s d e s c r i b e d r e l i e v i n g t h e i r s p o u s e s . T h e y d e s c r i b e d i t a s " t a g g i n g o n e a n o t h e r o f f , " o r " s t e p p i n g i n b e f o r e t h e o t h e r p a r e n t l o s e s i t . " H o w e v e r , t h e s e s t o r i e s w e r e d i s c a r d e d a s t h e r e s e a r c h e r c h o s e t o r e t a i n a n g e r r e s o l u t i o n s t o r i e s a s t o l d a n d e x p e r i e n c e d b y m o t h e r s . 1 3 2 C o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n p l o t -C o e r c i o n , s u p p o r t i v e i n t e r v e n t i o n p r o v i d e d b y a n o t h e r p e r s o n . T h e r e w e r e t h r e e s t o r i e s i n t h i s g r o u p i n g t h a t d e s c r i b e d t h e m o t h e r s b e i n g r e l i e v e d . I n t h e s e s t o r i e s , t h e s p o u s e r e a l i z e s t h a t t h e m o t h e r i s b e c o m i n g a n g r y a n d s t e p s i n t o r e l i e v e h e r . I n t h e s e s t o r i e s , t h e m o t h e r : - s t r i k e s o u t v e r b a l l y - a l l o w s t h e s p o u s e t o s t e p i n v o l u n t a r i l y o r a s k s t h e s p o u s e t o s t e p i n - e x p e r i e n c e s r e l i e f a n d h e r a n g e r s u b s i d e s - s t e p s b a c k m e n t a l l y a n d r e a p p r a i s e s t h e s i t u a t i o n - t h e t a s k i s a c c o m p l i s h e d w i t h o u t f u r t h e r e s c a l a t i o n . I l l u s t r a t i o n : C o e r c i o n , s p o u s e s t e p s i n , m o t h e r s t e p s b a c k m e n t a l l y . C o n t e x t : T h e f a m i l y w a n t s t o c l e a n u p a n d l e a v e t h e h o u s e . O n t h e w e e k e n d w e w e r e h e a d i n g o u t t h e d o o r . I ' m t h e t y p e o f p e r s o n w h o d o e s n ' t l i k e t o l e a v e t o y s a l l o v e r t h e p l a c e w h e n I g o o u t t h e d o o r . I w a n t i t c l e a n e d s o t h a t w h e n I g e t h o m e , i t ' s c l e a n . S o , E t h a n i s p i c k i n g u p h i s c a r s a n d I w a s s a y i n g , " C o m e o n E t h a n , w e g o t t o g o , w e g o t t o g o . " I w a s t r y i n g t o h u r r y h i m u p a n d h e i s s o r t o f s i t t i n g t h e r e d a w d l i n g a n d p l a y i n g w i t h h i s c a r s . I ' m g e t t i n g a n g r y . I c a n f e e l i t b e c a u s e I ' m f r u s t r a t e d b e c a u s e I ' m w a n t i n g t o h u r r y h i m . We d o n ' t w a n t t o b e l a t e a n d y e t , I w a n t t h i s d o n e b e f o r e w e g o . R a t h e r t h a n me j u s t c o n t i n u i n g t o y e l l , my h u s b a n d , s t e p p e d i n . W h e n h e d i d t h i s , i t a l l o w e d me t o s t e p b a c k a n d l o o k a n d s a y , " I s t h i s r e a l l y i m p o r t a n t ? " P a u l s t e p p e d i n a n d s a i d , " I ' l l h e l p y o u p i c k u p . " I d i d n ' t t a l k t o h i m . H e j u s t s t e p p e d i n . We k n o w w h e n t o d o t h i s f o r e a c h o t h e r . I t ' s r e a l l y u n c a n n y . 1 3 3 T h e t w o o f u s s e e m t o b e v e r y r e c e p t i v e t o h o w w e s t a r t t o f e e l a n d w h e r e t h a t l i n e i s - t o h a v e t h e o t h e r p e r s o n s t e p i n . I g u e s s i t ' s j u s t c o m e f r o m k n o w i n g e a c h o t h e r a n d d e a l i n g w i t h o u r k i d s . T h i s s t o r y i l l u s t r a t e s h o w c o u p l e s c a n d e v e l o p w a y s o f w o r k i n g t o g e t h e r , o f s u p p o r t i n g o n e a n o t h e r s o t h a t a n g e r d o e s n o t e s c a l a t e . I t i s i m p o r t a n t t o n o t e t h a t t w o s t o r i e s ( w h i c h w e r e i n c l u d e d i n t h e c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e a n d r e s o l u t i o n g r o u p i n g ) m e n t i o n e d t h e i n t e r v e n t i o n o f a s p o u s e . T h e i n t e r v e n t i o n d i d n o t f a c i l i t a t e a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n . I n o n e i n c i d e n t t h e s p o u s e s t e p s i n v o l u n t a r i l y a n d i n t h e s e c o n d , t h e m o t h e r t e l l s t h e s p o u s e t o t a k e o v e r . H o w e v e r , t h e m o t h e r s s t a y e d e n g a g e d i n t h e c o n f l i c t a n d i n c l o s e p h y s i c a l p r o x i m i t y . T h e m o t h e r s t h e n g e n e r a l i z e d t h e i r a n g e r t o i n c l u d e t h e s p o u s e a s w e l l . T o b e e f f e c t i v e , i t a p p e a r s t h a t r e l i e f m u s t g i v e t h e m o t h e r t h e o p p o r t u n i t y t o w a l k a w a y f r o m t h e c o n f l i c t k n o w i n g t h a t t h e t a s k w i l l b e a c c o m p l i s h e d w i t h o u t f u r t h e r e s c a l a t i o n . I n t h e s t o r i e s c o l l e c t e d , i t w a s t h e s p o u s e t h a t s t e p p e d i n t o t h e s i t u a t i o n . I t i s r e a s o n a b l e t o s p e c u l a t e t h a t a n o t h e r p e r s o n w h o e n j o y s t h e c o n f i d e n c e o f t h e c h i l d a n d t h e m o t h e r c o u l d a l s o p r o v i d e r e l i e f i n t h e s a m e w a y . 1 3 4 T h i s s e c t i o n d e s c r i b e d t h e e i g h t d i f f e r i n g a n g e r r e s o l u t i o n p l o t s . F o u r f a c i l i t a t i n g f a c t o r s w e r e d e s c r i b e d i n d e t a i l : ( a ) r e s p o n s i v e s e l f - a w a r e n e s s , (b ) e m p a t h y , ( c ) s e p a r a t i o n , a n d (d ) r e l i e f . T h e n e x t s e c t i o n o f t h e c h a p t e r p r e s e n t s t h e r e s u l t s o f t h e r e s p o n s e s t o q u e s t i o n s d e r i v e d f r o m t h e l i t e r a t u r e r e v i e w . Q u e s t i o n R e s p o n s e R e s u l t s T h e q u e s t i o n s w e r e d e s i g n e d t o r e v e a l a p a r t i c i p a n t ' s b e l i e f s a b o u t a n g e r a n d t o c h e c k t h e s e b e l i e f s a g a i n s t p o i n t s o f r e s e a r c h . T h i s n e x t s e c t i o n c o n t a i n s e a c h o f t h e q u e s t i o n s , a s u m m a r y o f t h e r e s p o n s e s , a n d i l l u s t r a t i v e e x c e r p t s f r o m t h e i n t e r v i e w s . I n t h e o p e n i n g s e t o f q u e s t i o n s , t h e r e s e a r c h e r a s k e d t h e m o t h e r t o d e s c r i b e f i r s t , t h e t e m p e r a m e n t o f h e r p r e s c h o o l e r a n d s e c o n d , h e r t e m p e r a m e n t . T h e s e q u e s t i o n s w e r e d e s i g n e d t o d e t e r m i n e w h e t h e r a c h i l d h a d d i f f i c u l t t e m p e r a m e n t a s d e f i n e d b y C h e s s , T h o m a s , a n d B i r c h ( 1 9 6 3 ) . T h e m o t h e r s d e s c r i b e d t h e i r c h i l d a s h a v i n g a t e m p e r a m e n t w i t h i n t h e e a s y - g o i n g t o a c t i v e r a n g e . N o m o t h e r r e p o r t e d h a v i n g a c h i l d w i t h a d i f f i c u l t t e m p e r a m e n t . T h e m o t h e r s a l s o d e s c r i b e d t h e m s e l v e s a s h a v i n g e a s y - g o i n g t o a c t i v e t e m p e r a m e n t s , a c t i v e i n t h a t t h e y s e t h i g h s t a n d a r d s f o r c h i l d c a r e 1 3 5 a n d h o u s e c l e a n i n g a n d w o r k e d t o m e e t t h e m . T h e q u e s t i o n s b a s e d o n t h e p r e l i m i n a r y l i t e r a t u r e r e v i e w f o l l o w . 1 . W h e r e d o e s a n g e r f i t i n y o u r r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h y o u r c h i l d ? A l l t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s s a i d t h a t a n g e r w a s a s m a l l p o r t i o n o f t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h t h e i r c h i l d . T h r e e m o t h e r s g a v e a f r e q u e n c y o f a n g e r : a n g e r m i g h t o c c u r o n c e a w e e k o r o n c e e v e r y s e c o n d w e e k . S i x p a r t i c i p a n t s i n d i c a t e d t h a t a n n o y a n c e a n d f r u s t r a t i o n w e r e d a i l y o c c u r r e n c e s . O n e p a r t i c i p a n t d e s c r i b e d t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p o f i r r i t a t i o n a n d a n g e r i n h e r p a r e n t -c h i l d r e l a t i o n s h i p a s : A n g e r I t h i n k o f b e i n g a s t r o n g e m o t i o n . I t ' s n o t a b i g p a r t o f o u r r e l a t i o n s h i p . F r u s t r a t i o n i s , a n n o y a n c e , i r r i t a t i o n i s a c o m m o n e v e r y d a y , a l l t h e t i m e t y p e o f t h i n g . 2 . W h e n a n g r y , h o w i m p o r t a n t i s r e m a i n i n g c a l m o r i n c o n t r o l o f y o u r e m o t i o n s t o a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n ? S e v e n m o t h e r s s a i d r e m a i n i n g c a l m w a s i m p o r t a n t ; t h r e e s a i d r e m a i n i n g i n c o n t r o l w a s i m p o r t a n t . O f t h e s e m o t h e r s , s e v e n w e n t o n t o s a y t h a t , a l t h o u g h r e m a i n i n g c a l m o r i n c o n t r o l w a s i m p o r t a n t , t h e y d i d n o t w a n t t o s h i e l d t h e i r c h i l d r e n f r o m a n g e r ; t h e y w a n t e d t h e i r c h i l d r e n t o s e e a n d l e a r n t o e x p r e s s a n g e r i n a p o s i t i v e w a y . C e r t a i n l y , i n c o n t r o l i s v e r y i m p o r t a n t . A b o u t r e m a i n i n g c a l m , i t ' s my o w n s o r t o f d e v e l o p m e n t , I t h i n k I r e c o g n i z e t h a t p e r h a p s i t ' s n o t a s g o o d a n 136 i d e a t o b e c a l m a s I u s e d t o t h i n k i t w a s . I t ' s i m p o r t a n t t o b e s t e r n a t t i m e s , s t e r n a s o p p o s e d t o s h o u t i n g , f o r c e f u l b u t n o t s h o u t i n g . I t h i n k i t i s i m p o r t a n t b u t a t t h e s a m e t i m e , I t r y a n d r e a l i z e t h a t f e e l i n g a n g e r i s a p a r t o f b e i n g a p e r s o n a n d a p a r t o f r a i s i n g k i d s . I am t r y i n g w h e n i t d o e s h a p p e n t o u n d e r s t a n d t h a t i t ' s O . K . T h e b i g a n g e r s t u f f d o e s n ' t h a p p e n v e r y o f t e n . W h e n i t d o e s , I t r y a n d t h i n k , " O . K . i t ' s f o r a r e a s o n a n d I m a y b e b e t t e r f i g u r e o u t w h a t t h a t r e a s o n i s . " E i t h e r s o m e t h i n g e l s e i s r e a l l y b o t h e r i n g me o u t s i d e o f t h e p a r e n t i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p o r I ' m t i r e d o r t h e r e i s s o m e t h i n g t h a t my s o n i s d o i n g t h a t r e a l l y h a s t o c h a n g e . I t r y a n d l o o k a t i t a n d t h e n a d j u s t . I t ' s a t h i n k i n g p r o c e s s . S o m e t i m e s , i t t a k e s d a y s t o s o r t t h i n g s o u t . R e m a i n i n g c a l m i s w h a t I s t r i v e t o d o . B u t I h a v e b e c o m e m u c h m o r e r e l a x e d a n d a c c e p t i n g o f t h e f a c t t h a t I w i l l j u s t g e t a n g r y s o m e t i m e s . I ' m n o t a s u p s e t a b o u t i t a s I w a s i n i t i a l l y w a s a p a r e n t . S o w h i l e i t i s i m p o r t a n t t o me t o a v o i d p h y s i c a l e x p r e s s i o n o f a n g e r a n d g e t t i n g i n t o a r a g e t h a t i s f r i g h t e n i n g f o r a y o u n g c h i l d , k e e p i n g t h e e d g e o f f i t s o t o s p e a k , b u t a l l o w i n g t h e m t o s e e me a n g r y , h e y , t h a t ' s l i f e . I w a n t t h e m t o b e c o m f o r t a b l e s e e i n g p e o p l e w h o a r e a n g r y b u t n o t i n s u c h a w a y t h a t t h e y a r e g o i n g t o f e a r b e i n g h i t . T h e s e r e s p o n s e s r e v e a l a n e v o l u t i o n a r y u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f a n g e r i n t h e p a r e n t i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p . P e r h a p s , c a l m i s s o u g h t a f t e r a s t h e i d e a l i n i t i a l l y b u t a s t i m e g o e s o n , m o s t o f t h e m o t h e r s t a l k e d a b o u t a c c e p t i n g t h a t a n g e r o c c u r s i n t h e p a r e n t - c h i l d r e l a t i o n s h i p . T h e y a c c e p t a n g e r e x p r e s s e d w i t h a s t e r n , f o r c e f u l d e l i v e r y ; t h e y d o n o t a c c e p t v i o l e n c e o r l o s i n g c o n t r o l i n a w a y t h a t i s s c a r y t o c h i l d r e n . S o m e m o t h e r s v i e w a n g e r a s i n f o r m i n g t h e m t h a t t h e r e i s a n i s s u e w h i c h t h e y n e e d t o a d d r e s s . T h e y a l s o b e l i e v e 137 t h a t t h e i r c h i l d r e n n e e d t o s e e a n g e r a n d l e a r n h o w t o h a n d l e i t . 3. D o e s t h e m o o d v o u a r e i n a m a k e a d i f f e r e n c e t o h o w v o u u s e v o u r a n g e r ? T h i s q u e s t i o n w a s d e s i g n e d t o c h e c k D i x , R e i n h o l d , a n d Z a m b a r a n o 1 s f i n d i n g s (1990) t h a t , w h e n a n g r y a s c o m p a r e d t o w h e n e m o t i o n a l l y n e u t r a l , m o t h e r s e x p e c t e d c h i l d r e n t o a c t m o r e n e g a t i v e l y a n d r a t e d t h e c u r r e n t p r o b l e m a s m o r e s e r i o u s . A l l m o t h e r s i n t h i s s t u d y i n d i c a t e d t h a t m o o d d e f i n i t e l y a f f e c t s h o w t h e y r e a c t . T h e y r e c o g n i z e d t h a t f a t i g u e a n d o u t s i d e f a c t o r s a r o u s e a n g e r m o r e q u i c k l y . T w o m o t h e r s s p o k e o f a n i n c r e a s e d a b i l i t y t o c o p e a n d o f d e c r e a s e d a n g e r o n c e t h e y w e r e a b l e t o m a n a g e t h e d e p r e s s i o n t h e y i n i t i a l l y e x p e r i e n c e d . 4. W h a t i s m o r e d i f f i c u l t f o r v o u . a d i r e c t r e f u s a l f r o m v o u r c h i l d o r a n u n c l e a r r e f u s a l , f o r i n s t a n c e , t h e c h i l d w a l k i n g o u t o f t h e r o o m w i t h o u t r e s p o n d i n g t o v o u r r e q u e s t ? I n t h e s a m e s t u d y , Z i m b a r a n o e t a l . f o u n d t h a t a n g e r w a s e v e n m o r e p r o n o u n c e d w h e n a c h i l d ' s r e s p o n s e w a s a m b i g u o u s t h a n w h e n i t w a s c l e a r l y n e g a t i v e . T h i s s t u d y d i d n o t f i n d e v i d e n c e o f t h i s . T h r e e m o t h e r s t h o u g h t t h e i n d i r e c t r e f u s a l w o u l d b e t h e m o s t 138 d i f f i c u l t for them because they did not l i k e to be ignored. The remaining eight mothers f e l t the d i r e c t refusal would be more d i f f i c u l t . From the stories c o l l e c t e d i n this study, d i r e c t refusal occurred i n 21 incidents (46%) and tended to generate a more coercive response. Only 9 (20%) stories referred to an ambiguous or delayed response. 5. Does i t make a difference to vou i f vou judge that vour c h i l d knew the rule but deliberately broke i t ? Two studies reviewed (Dix, Ruble, & Zambarano, 1989; Heusser, 1987) found that mothers preferred power-assertive d i s c i p l i n e (use of punishment) over induction (an explanation) given certain appraisals, i n the f i r s t study, power-assertion was preferred when mothers judged the c h i l d to be able to both foresee the intended outcome and to be c l e a r l y responsible for the event. In the second study, power-assertion was preferred when mothers judged the c h i l d to be deliberately disobedient, to provoke the incident, and to have vi o l a t e d an expectation. A l l the participants i n this study said they would become angrier i f they f e l t t h e i r c h i l d knew the rule but deliberately broke i t . However, a mother spoke of s t i l l taking into account the child ' s age. The older the c h i l d , the more firm the d i s c i p l i n e . Mothers also 1 3 9 s p o k e o f c e r t a i n r u l e s b e i n g m o r e i m p o r t a n t t h a n o t h e r s , f o r i n s t a n c e , n o h i t t i n g o r b i t i n g o t h e r c h i l d r e n w a s t h e r u l e m o s t l i k e l y t o e v o k e a f i r m e r r e s p o n s e . A s p r e v i o u s l y n o t e d , t h i s s t u d y f o u n d t h a t a n a p p r a i s a l w h e r e t h e m o t h e r d e t e r m i n e s t h e c h i l d i s b e i n g d e l i b e r a t e l y d i s o b e d i e n t , p r o v o c a t i v e , a n d n o n c o m p l i a n t , i n c r e a s e d t h e l i k e l i h o o d o f c o e r c i o n . 6. M a n y p e o p l e s u g g e s t p a r e n t t r a i n i n g m a k e s f o r m o r e i n t e n t i o n a l a n d t h e r e f o r e m o r e c o n s t r u c t i v e p a r e n t i n g . W h a t d o v o u t h i n k ? T o w h a t e x t e n t h a v e a n y p a r e n t i n g c o u r s e s o r b o o k s o n p a r e n t i n g i n f l u e n c e d h o w y o u m a n a g e y o u r a n g e r ? A l l o f t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s h a d r e a d b o o k s . S o m e h a d s e e n v i d e o s . S i x p a r t i c i p a n t s h a d t a k e n o n e o r m o r e p a r e n t i n g c o u r s e s . T h e y a l l f e l t t h a t p a r e n t i n g c o u r s e s w e r e h e l p f u l , b u t t h a t a p a r e n t s h o u l d p i c k a n d c h o o s e w o r k a b l e i d e a s . O n e m o t h e r s p o k e o f t h e b e n e f i t s a n d t h e l i m i t a t i o n s o f p a r e n t i n g c o u r s e s : P a r e n t i n g c o u r s e s g i v e y o u s o m e t o o l s t o s t a r t w i t h . I t ' s e a s i e r w h e n y o u h a v e t w o l i t t l e k i d s a t h o m e a n d y o u ' r e h o m e f u l l t i m e , y o u c a n r e a l l y u s e t h e t e c h n i q u e s . B u t i n t h e e v e r y d a y r u s h o f g e t t i n g k i d s o f f t o s c h o o l , w h e n y o u a r e r u s h i n g o u t t h e d o o r i n t h e m o r n i n g a n d y o u r t o d d l e r i s n o t d r e s s e d y e t a n d h e ' s s c r e a m i n g h e w a n t s t o w e a r s o m e t h i n g t h a t i s w e t i n t h e w a s h i n g m a c h i n e , i t ' s l i k e , "I d o n ' t h a v e t i m e f o r t h i s ( p o s i t i v e p a r e n t i n g ) . P u t t h e s e o n , I d o n ' t c a r e t h a t y o u a r e s c r e a m i n g . " S o m e t i m e s , I f i n d b o o k s q u i t e h e l p f u l , b u t a l s o f r u s t r a t i n g . S o m e t i m e s I w o u l d t r y t h e m e t h o d s u g g e s t e d a n d t h e k i d s w o u l d l o o k a t me a n d 140 g o o n w i t h w h a t t h e y w e r e d o i n g . I w o u l d t h i n k , " I f t h i s d o e s n ' t w o r k , w h a t e l s e am I g o i n g t o d o ? " S o m e t i m e s , t h e n y o u t h i n k , d o t h e s e p e o p l e ( a u t h o r s ) l i v e i n t h e r e a l w o r l d ? O r e l s e I f e e l i n t h i s t i m e p r e s s u r e d w o r l d a n d e v e r y t h i n g i s s o c h a o t i c , I t h i n k , " I m u s n ' t h a v e h a n d l e d t h i s r i g h t o r w e w o u l d n ' t b e i n t h i s . " S o a s m o t h e r s w e t a k e o n t o o m u c h r e s p o n s i b i l i t y . " I f I k n e w h o w t o p a r e n t p r o p e r l y , t h i s w o u l d n ' t h a p p e n . E v e r y t h i n g w o u l d r u n s m o o t h l y . " B u t i t j u s t d o e s n ' t h a p p e n b e c a u s e t h e r e a r e s o m a n y u n e x p e c t e d s . S o y o u s t a r t f e e l i n g l i k e a f a i l u r e a s a p a r e n t b e c a u s e y o u k n o w h o w i t s h o u l d b e g o i n g . Y o u ' v e g o n e t o t h e c o u r s e s o r y o u ' v e r e a d t h e b o o k s . P a r e n t i n g c o u r s e s s u g g e s t s t r a t e g i e s t h a t a r e d e s i g n e d t o i n c r e a s e p o s i t i v e i n t e r a c t i o n s . T h e y c a n a l s o s e t u p i d e a l s w h i c h p r o v e f r u s t r a t i n g . O n e m o t h e r s p o k e o f a n a u t h o r w h o a d v o c a t e d d i s c i p l i n e s t r a t e g i e s t h a t s h e f o u n d s e t h e r u p t o b e c o n f r o n t a t i o n a l w i t h h e r c h i l d . S h e s p o k e o f h e r r e l i e f w h e n s h e f o u n d m o r e h u m a n i s t i c a u t h o r s : I t t o o k a w h i l e b e f o r e I g o t a w a y f r o m t h e a n g e r . I s t u m b l e d u p o n G e o r g e P r a n s k y w h o i s o n t h e o t h e r s i d e o f D o b s o n . I t w a s l i k e a l i g h t w e n t o n i n my h e a d . H e i s a p s y c h o l o g i s t i n W a s h i n g t o n S t a t e . I s e n t a w a y f o r h i s t a p e s o n p a r e n t i n g . I t ' s g e t t i n g i n t u n e w i t h y o u r c h i l d a n d t e a c h i n g i n a l o v i n g w a y . B e i n g v e r y h u m a n w i t h y o u r c h i l d . I f t h e y a r e n o t b e h a v i n g i n a p a r t i c u l a r w a y t h a t y o u e x p e c t , i t ' s b e c a u s e t h e y h a v e n ' t l e a r n e d t o b e h a v e t h a t w a y . S o w h i l e p a r e n t i n g b o o k s a r e h e l p f u l , t h e y a l s o c a n b e i n a p p r o p r i a t e t o a g i v e n p a r e n t . 7 . O t h e r s s u g g e s t t h a t c o n s t r u c t i v e a n g e r o c c u r s m o r e f r e q u e n t l y w h e n w e h a v e a s u p p o r t n e t w o r k , s o m e o n e 1 4 1 w i t h w h o m w e s h a r e a n d c o m p a r e o u r e x p e r i e n c e s . T o w h a t e x t e n t a r e v o u a b l e t o t a l k t o o t h e r s a b o u t v o u r p a r e n t i n g e x p e r i e n c e s , p o s i t i v e a n d m o r e d i f f i c u l t ? C r o c k e n b u r g ( 1 9 8 7 ) f o u n d e v i d e n c e t h a t a s u p p o r t n e t w o r k e n a b l e d a d o l e s c e n t m o t h e r s w h o h a d e x p e r i e n c e d r e j e c t i o n d u r i n g t h e i r o w n c h i l d h o o d t o u s e a n g e r i n a l e s s c o e r c i v e a n d p u n i t i v e f a s h i o n . T h i s s t u d y f o u n d t h a t a l l t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s t a l k e d t o o t h e r m o t h e r s w h o h a d c h i l d r e n t h e s a m e a g e s . A l l t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s , w i t h t h e e x c e p t i o n o f o n e m o t h e r w h o s p o k e t o f r i e n d s o n l y f o r s y m p a t h y , d i s c u s s e d c u r r e n t p r o b l e m s w i t h f r i e n d s . S e v e n p a r t i c i p a n t s a l s o i d e n t i f i e d t h e i r h u s b a n d s a s o n e o f t h e i r s u p p o r t s . P a r t i c i p a n t s a l s o m e n t i o n e d r e l y i n g o n t h e i r m o t h e r s , s i s t e r s , o r e x p e r i e n c e d b a b y - s i t t e r s f o r s u p p o r t a n d i d e a s . I t a l k t o my g i r l f r i e n d s . I f i n d t h a t v e r y h e l p f u l b e c a u s e w h e n y o u ' r e t a l k i n g t o o t h e r p e o p l e o f t h e s a m e s e x a n d t h e s a m e s i t u a t i o n , w h e n y o u t h i n k y o u ' v e m e s s e d u p , m e s s e d u p y o u r c h i l d r e n , y o u ' r e l i f e i s f a l l i n g a p a r t , y o u p h o n e s o m e o n e e l s e a n d f i n d o u t t h a t t h e y a r e w o r s e o f f t h a n y o u a r e . I t ' s l i k e , " M a y b e w e ' r e n o t d o i n g s o b a d l y a f t e r a l l . " I t ' s i m p o r t a n t t o r e a l i z e t h a t t h i s i s m o r e t h e n o r m t h a n t h e e x c e p t i o n . T h e e x c e p t i o n i s w h e n t h e k i d s a r e g e t t i n g a l o n g a l l d a y l o n g a n d t h e r e a r e n o f i g h t s a n d e v e r y o n e l i k e s w h a t y o u ' v e c o o k e d f o r d i n n e r . I t a l k t o my g i r l f r i e n d s a l l t h e t i m e . W h e n I ' m h a v i n g a b u m m e r d a y j u s t t o h a v e t h e m l i s t e n , h e l p s . S o m e t i m e s t h e y e v e n s a y , " T h a t ' s n o t s o b a d . " S o m e t i m e s t h e y s h a r e t h e i r o w n s t o r i e s . 142 I t a l k t o my f r i e n d s , my m o t h e r a n d o n e s i s t e r i n p a r t i c u l a r . O u r c h i l d r e n a r e c l o s e i n a g e s . We d i s c u s s r a i s i n g o u r k i d s q u i t e o f t e n . I t r e a l l y h e l p s . I f a n y t h i n g , i t c o n f i r m s w h a t w e a r e a l r e a d y d o i n g . A n d m y h u s b a n d t o o . I f e e l v e r y s t r o n g l y a b o u t m o t h e r s a n d f a t h e r s r a i s i n g t h e i r c h i l d r e n t o g e t h e r . Y o u c a n s p e l l e a c h o t h e r o f f . T h e r e i s a b a l a n c e o f e m o t i o n s . T h e c h i l d r e n g e t t h e b e n e f i t o f t w o , r a t h e r t h a n t h e m o t h e r a l w a y s b e i n g t i r e d . M y h u s b a n d . H e i s t h e o t h e r p a r e n t . I f w e a r e s t r u g g l i n g w i t h s o m e t h i n g , w e t a l k a b o u t i t b e t w e e n t h e t w o o f u s . I t a l k t o m y f r i e n d s o n o c c a s i o n . M y m o s t v a l u a b l e a s s e t i s my h u s b a n d . T h i s s t u d y c o n f i r m s t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f h a v i n g a s u p p o r t n e t w o r k w h e n r a i s i n g k i d s . 8. H a r r i e t G o l d h o r - L e r n e r t a l k s a b o u t a n g e r a n d w o m e n . S h e b e l i e v e s t h a t w e a r e i n f l u e n c e d b y t h e t h i n g s w h i c h w e l e a r n e d a b o u t a n g e r a s w e w e r e g r o w i n g u p . p a r t i c u l a r l y i n o u r f a m i l y . ( a ) W h a t s t a t e m e n t s w e r e t r u e i n y o u r f a m i l y ? W h a t d i d v o u r m o t h e r s a v a b o u t a n g e r ? W h a t d i d s h e d o a b o u t a n g e r ? W h a t d i d v o u r f a t h e r s a v a b o u t a n g e r ? W h a t d i d h e d o a b o u t a n g e r ? (b ) I n w h a t w a y s a r e v o u t h e s a m e a n d i n w h a t w a y s a r e v o u d i f f e r e n t f r o m y o u r p a r e n t s ? T h i s q u e s t i o n w a s i n p a r t d e s i g n e d t o c h e c k t h e a s s e r t i o n t h a t w o m e n t e n d t o s u p p r e s s a n g e r a n d m e n t e n d t o e x p r e s s i t ( L e r n e r , 1985; M i l l e r & S u r r e y , 1990). I n r e v i e w i n g t h e a n s w e r s t o t h i s q u e s t i o n , i t b e c a m e c l e a r t h a t t h e r e d i d n o t e x i s t a s t e r e o t y p i c a l w a y o f e x p r e s s i n g a n g e r f o r t h e m o t h e r s a n d t h e f a t h e r s 1 4 3 o f t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s ( s e e T a b l e 5 ) . T a b l e 5 P a r t i c i p a n t s ' R e c o l l e c t i o n s o f T h e i r M o t h e r s ' a n d F a t h e r s ' A n g e r E x p r e s s i o n P r e f e r e n c e s H o w a n g e r w a s s h o w n ? M o t h e r F a t h e r S u p p r e s s e d / a v o i d e d e x p r e s s i n g a n g e r , w o u l d - a p p l y s i l e n t t r e a t m e n t - i n d u c e g u i l t - e x p r e s s d i s a p p o i n t m e n t 4 5 V e r b a l l y e x p r e s s e d a n g e r - w i t h a n a n g r y t o n e , - y e l l e d - r a g e d 1 4 1 3 2 P h y s i c a l l y e x p r e s s e d - s l a p p e d - h i t 3 4 T a l k e d a b o u t i t 2 2 T h e r e i s a l m o s t a n e q u a l d i s t r i b u t i o n i n w a y s o f e x p r e s s i n g a n g e r . S u p p r e s s i o n w a s n o t r e s e r v e d t o w o m e n . N e i t h e r f e m a l e n o r m a l e s t e r e o t y p e s e m e r g e d f r o m t h e c o m m e n t s g a t h e r e d a l t h o u g h t h e w o r d s " e x p l o s i v e a n g e r " w e r e u s e d t h r e e t i m e s t o d e s c r i b e a f a t h e r ' s a n g e r b u t o n l y o n c e t o d e s c r i b e a m o t h e r ' s . C l e a r l y , t h e s e d a t a i n d i c a t e t h a t w e m u s t b e c a u t i o u s i n a p p l y i n g b r o a d s w e e p i n g s t a t e m e n t s w h i c h 144 describe maternal or paternal anger. In response to the question, "How did the participants d i f f e r to th e i r parents?" some participants spoke of i n t e n t i o n a l l y trying to avoid certain behaviours they experienced as children. But i n general the difference can be explained by the following two quotes: My parents would not have talked about anger. D i s c i p l i n e was something you did and got over with and you never r e a l l y talked about i t a f t e r . I want my son to know that I do f e e l anger and I want to be able to show that anger and not i n a vio l e n t way. I want to show that I am angry and l e t him see that that i s a normal part of every day, of l i f e . I want him to see the love, the joy, the caring, the humour and also see anger, fr u s t r a t i o n , and annoyance. But with every show of anger, there has to be an explanation why. It just can't stay as anger. There also has to be the knowledge that "O.K. I'm very angry at you, you've done this and i t has made me angry, but I s t i l l love you. Just because I'm angry doesn't mean that I don't love you anymore. It just means that you made me r e a l l y , r e a l l y mad." In general, the participants i n this study seem to take care to explain t h e i r actions to t h e i r children. Evidence of this d i s p o s i t i o n i s evident i n the responses to question 12 as well. 9. How important i s vour own awareness of yourself as a person and as a mother i n understanding anger i n vour relationship with vour child? A l l the mothers said that i t was very important. When you know what i t takes, you can verbalize 1 4 5 t h a t f o r t h e k i d s . T h e c h i l d r e n k n o w t h a t I w i l l e r u p t m u c h q u i c k e r t h a n t h e i r f a t h e r , b u t i t w i l l b e o v e r j u s t a s q u i c k . T h e y k n o w t h a t w i t h t h e i r f a t h e r , h e h a s a l o n g f u s e . I t t a k e s h i m a l o n g t i m e t o g e t a n g r y . W h e n h e d o e s , t h e y b e t t e r c l e a r o u t o f h i s s i g h t i n a h u r r y . We h a v e b o t h t a l k e d t o t h e c h i l d r e n a b o u t i t . T h e c h i l d r e n k n o w , e v e n o u r d a u g h t e r ( a g e 2 1 / 2 ) , t h e y u n d e r s t a n d i t . I t h i n k i t h e l p s u s a s p a r e n t s t o b e a b l e t o u n d e r s t a n d a n g e r , t o v e r b a l i z e i t . A l s o , i f w e k n o w o u r s e l v e s , w e c a n s a y t o t h e o t h e r p a r e n t , " T a k e o v e r . " S e l f - a w a r e n e s s a n d s e l f - a c c e p t a n c e a r e t w o r e c u r r i n g t h e m e s . 1 0 . H o w d o e s p l a y f i g u r e i n v o u r r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h v o u r c h i l d ? I s a n y o f t h i s p l a v d i r e c t e d b y t h e c h i l d ? T h e r e s e a r c h e r n o t e d t h a t t h i s q u e s t i o n e l i c i t e d s o m e d i s c o m f o r t . E v e n t o a s k t h e q u e s t i o n i m p l i e s t h a t m o t h e r s o u g h t t o b e p l a y i n g w i t h t h e i r c h i l d r e n . O r i g i n a l l y , t h e q u e s t i o n a r o s e o u t o f t h e a t t a c h m e n t l i t e r a t u r e ( S p e l t z , 1 9 9 0 ) a n d a d v i c e g i v e n t o p a r e n t s w i t h d i f f i c u l t c h i l d r e n , t h a t p a r e n t s t r y t o f i n d 1 5 m i n u t e s a w e e k t o a l l o w t h e i r c h i l d t o l e a d a n a c t i v i t y a s a w a y o f l e a r n i n g t o u n d e r s t a n d t h e c h i l d a n d b u i l d i n g a p o s i t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p . G e n e r a l l y t h e m o t h e r s f e l t t o r n b e t w e e n c o m p l e t i n g t h e i r a g e n d a s a n d s t o p p i n g t o r e s p o n d t o p l a y i n v i t a t i o n s f r o m t h e i r c h i l d . I p r o b a b l y d o n ' t h a v e a s m u c h t i m e a s I l i k e . I s e t u p t h e s e s t r i c t i t i n e r a r i e s f o r m y s e l f p e r s o n a l l y , l i k e h o u s e h o l d s t a n d a r d s . I ' m a l i t t l e t o o r i g i d o n t h o s e a n d I d o n ' t d r o p t h e m e n o u g h a n d g o a n d r e s p o n d t o my s o n w h o i s s a y i n g , 1 4 6 " D o y o u w a n t t o d o t h i s ? " I ' l l s a y , " I j u s t w a n t t o f i n i s h t h i s f i r s t . " T h e n e x t q u o t e e c h o e s t h i s d i l e m m a b u t a l s o i d e n t i f i e s h o w t h e m o t h e r i s a t t e m p t i n g t o m e e t t h e n e e d . I ' v e b e c o m e a w a r e t h a t I t e n d t o g e t f o c u s e d o n w h a t I h a v e t o g e t d o n e i n a d a y b e c a u s e I ' m w o r k i n g s o m u c h n o w . S u d d e n l y , I ' m n o t s p e n d i n g a l o t o f t i m e p l a y i n g w i t h t h e m w h e r e a s I u s e d t o . I t h i n k i t ' s q u i t e i m p o r t a n t t o m a i n t a i n a r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h t h e m b y j o i n i n g i n s o m e a c t i v i t y t h a t i s i m p o r t a n t t o t h e m , t h a t t h e y l i k e t o d o . S o , I ' v e m a d e a p r a c t i c e o f t a l k i n g w i t h t h e m , p l a y i n g N i n t e n d o w i t h my o l d e s t c h i l d f o r 5 o r 1 0 m i n u t e s , o r j u s t d o i n g s o m e t h i n g t h a t t h e y a r e d o i n g a t s o m e p o i n t d u r i n g t h e d a y . I t m a y b e 5 m i n u t e s o r a n h o u r d e p e n d i n g o n w h a t I ' v e g o t t o g e t d o n e t h a t d a y . 1 1 . O f t h e b o o k s , c o u r s e s , a n d p e o p l e t h a t v o u h a v e m e n t i o n e d , w h a t w a s t h e m o s t i n f l u e n t i a l f o r c e s h a p i n g v o u r u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f a n g e r , p a r t i c u l a r l y c o n s t r u c t i v e a n g e r ? T h e r e w e r e a v a r i e t y o f a n s w e r s ( s e e T a b l e 6 ) . S o m e m o t h e r s i n d i c a t e d t w o i n f l u e n t i a l s o u r c e s . T h e s t r o n g e s t i n f l u e n c e a p p e a r s t o b e f r o m r e a d i n g b o o k s a n d w a t c h i n g v i d e o s . M o s t o f t h e s o u r c e s s u c h a s b o o k s , v i d e o s , a n d p a r e n t i n g c o u r s e s a r e e x t e r n a l s o u r c e s . T h e y o f f e r k n o w l e d g e . P a r e n t i n g c o u r s e s a n d t a l k i n g t o o t h e r s b r e a k d o w n i s o l a t i o n a n d h e l p m o t h e r s t o k n o w t h a t o t h e r s e x p e r i e n c e t h e s a m e p h e n o m e n a . F i n a l l y , t h e r e w a s a n i n t e r n a l s o u r c e w h i c h a d d r e s s e d s e l f - k n o w l e d g e c o u p l e d w i t h s e l f - a c c e p t a n c e . 1 4 7 T a b l e 6 i n f l u e n t i a l F o r c e s S h a p i n g a n U n d e r s t a n d i n g o f A n g e r S o u r c e N u m b e r P a r e n t i n g c o u r s e s 2 T a l k i n g t o o t h e r m o t h e r s 3 S e e i n g a n o t h e r m o t h e r r e s p o n d 1 B o o k s a n d v i d e o s o n p a r e n t i n g o r c h i l d d e v e l o p m e n t 7 S p o u s e 2 S e l f - k n o w l e d g e a n d s e l f - a c c e p t a n c e 1 O n e m o t h e r d e s c r i b e d h o w h e r h u s b a n d s u p p o r t e d h e r : W e l l , p r o b a b l y m y h u s b a n d b e c a u s e h e i s m o r e a w a r e o f w h o I a m . M y f r i e n d s m a y b e k n o w w h o I a m . W h e n y o u c o m e h o m e a n d l e t y o u r h a i r d o w n a n d r e a l l y b e y o u a n d n o t b e a f r a i d . Y o u r h u s b a n d h a s m a r r i e d y o u b e c a u s e h e l o v e s y o u , n o t b e c a u s e o f t h e w o n d e r f u l p e r s o n y o u a r e o u t i n t h e w o r l d . S o , I w o u l d h a v e t o s a y my h u s b a n d b e c a u s e h e a c c e p t s me f o r w h o I a m , a n g e r a n d e v e r y t h i n g . S o , h e p r o b a b l y u n d e r s t a n d s m y a n g e r . H e k n o w s w h a t g e t s me r i l e d a n d h e c a n s t e p i n . N o b o d y e l s e , I d o n ' t t h i n k , c o u l d d o t h a t , a t l e a s t n o t a s o f t e n . T o b e f u l l y a c c e p t e d b y a n o t h e r , e n a b l e s t h i s m o t h e r t o r e s p o n d m o r e c o n s t r u c t i v e l y t o a n g e r . ^ 1 2 . O n e a u t h o r t e l l s h o w a l o t o f g o o d c o m e s f r o m r e s o l v i n g a n g e r i n t h e p r e s e n c e o f a c h i l d a n d t h a t t h i s e n a b l e s t h e c h i l d t o p u t t h e e x p e r i e n c e b e h i n d h i m / h e r . T o w h a t d e g r e e i s r e s o l u t i o n i m p o r t a n t t o v o u a n d v o u r c h i l d ? W h a t d o e s i t l o o k l i k e ? A l l t h e 1 4 8 m o t h e r s s a i d i t w a s i m p o r t a n t , t h a t a f t e r a n a n g e r -p r o v o k i n g i n c i d e n t , t h e y w o u l d t a k e t i m e t o e x p l a i n a n d c o n f i r m t h e l o v e t h e y h a v e f o r t h e i r c h i l d . R e s o l u t i o n i s a h u g a n d a t a l k a n d v e r b a l r e c o n f i r m a t i o n t h a t t h e l o v e i s s t i l l t h e r e . W h e n e v e r I d o s h o w a n g e r , I f o l l o w u p w i t h a n e x p l a n a t i o n a n d c o n f i r m my l o v e f o r my c h i l d . A l s o m o t h e r s s p o k e o f t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f i d e n t i f y i n g t h e s o u r c e o f t h e i r a n g e r w h e n t a l k i n g w i t h t h e i r c h i l d r e n . I t ' s r e a l l y i m p o r t a n t t o m e . W h e n I b l o w u p a t t h e k i d s u n n e c e s s a r i l y o r j u s t b e c a u s e I ' m n o t f e e l i n g w e l l , I ' l l s a y , " I r e a l l y am n o t h a v i n g a g o o d w e e k o r a g o o d d a y , I ' m n o t m a d a t y o u , I ' m m a d b e c a u s e o f t h i s . . . " T h a t w a s t h e t h i n g t h a t w a s a b s o l u t e l y u p p e r m o s t i n my m i n d t h a t w h e n I s c r e w u p w i t h my k i d s , t h e y a r e g o i n g t o h e a r me s a y , " I r e a l l y s c r e w e d u p . W h a t a s h i t I am o r w h a t e v e r . " I am v e r y d i r e c t w i t h t h e m a n d v e r y q u i c k . I t ' s t h e s a m e d a y , t h e s a m e m o m e n t . I f I ' m f u r i o u s a n d r e a l l y j u s t r i p p e d a s t r i p o f f t h e m , a f t e r I ' v e c a l m e d d o w n o r t h e r e s o l v e d t h e m a t t e r , I ' l l h u g t h e m a n d I ' l l s a y , " I ' m r e a l l y s o r r y a b o u t e a r l i e r . I w a s s o m a d . I w a s r e a l l y u p s e t . I g u e s s I ' m t i r e d . O r w h a t e v e r i s t h e t r u t h . O r I m i g h t s a y , " I w a s r e a l l y m a d b e c a u s e y o u w e r e n ' t l i s t e n i n g a n d t h a t i s s o m e t h i n g t h a t i s r e a l l y i m p o r t a n t t o m e . W h e n y o u n e e d t o l i s t e n , I n e e d y o u t o p a y a t t e n t i o n . " I f w h a t t h e y h a v e d o n e h a s t r u l y c a u s e d me t o b e a n g r y , I d o n ' t t r y t o b l a m e i t o n s o m e t h i n g e l s e . A l l t h e m o t h e r s w e r e c o n s c i o u s o f t h e n e e d t o r e s t o r e g o o d f e e l i n g s o n c e a n g e r h a d b e e n e x p r e s s e d . H o w e v e r , s o m e o f t h e r e c o r d e d i n c i d e n t s s h o w e d t h a t w h e n s u f f i c i e n t l y h u r t , a m o t h e r m a y n o t f e e l i n c l i n e d t o r e s t o r e g o o d f e e l i n g s a n d m a y s i m p l y a l l o w t h e e v e n t t o l a p s e w i t h t i m e . 1 4 9 1 3 . D o y o u h a v e a n y f u r t h e r t h o u g h t s o n w h a t w e h a v e b e e n t a l k i n g a b o u t ? O n l y t h r e e m o t h e r s r e s p o n d e d t o t h i s i n v i t a t i o n . T h e y t r i e d t o p u t a n g e r i n t o p e r s p e c t i v e o f t h e w h o l e p a r e n t i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p . I ' m c o n s c i o u s , r e a l l y , r e a l l y c o n s c i o u s t h a t my c h i l d r e n w i l l b e y o u n g f o r a r e a l l y s h o r t t i m e a n d t h a t i n f l u e n c e s h o w I h a n d l e a s i t u a t i o n . . . . I s t h i s r e a l l y w o r t h a l l t h i s u p s e t ? I s i t r e a l l y w o r t h g o i n g t h r o u g h t h i s h e a v y t r i p a b o u t w h a t e v e r , b e c a u s e h e d i d n ' t p i c k u p h i s c l o t h e s ? I t r y t o s t r i k e a b a l a n c e b e t w e e n t h e l o n g - t e r m a n d w h a t h e n e e d s t o l e a r n , b a s i c d i s c i p l i n e a n d m a n n e r s , b u t n o t m a k i n g a b i g d e a l a b o u t i t . I ' m a l s o r e a l l y c o n s c i o u s o f t h e f a c t t h a t I d o n ' t k n o w h o w l o n g I ' m g o i n g t o b e . . . s o m e t h i n g m i g h t h a p p e n t o me t o o . D o I w a n t t o t h i n k b a c k o n t o r a i s i n g my k i d s a n d t h i n k i n g I s h o u l d h a v e p l a y e d w i t h t h e m m o r e ? I h a v e a f r i e n d w h o g r e w u p i n a n a n g r y h o u s e h o l d a n d t h e r e f o r e , a n g e r i s b a d . W h e n f a c e d w i t h a n g e r , s h e c r u m b l e s . I t h i n k i t i s s o i m p o r t a n t f o r k i d s t o s e e a n g e r a n d t o r e a l i z e t h a t i t i s a n o r m a l h u m a n e m o t i o n . A n g e r i s n o t f r i g h t e n i n g , i t i s j u s t n o r m a l . I t i s s o m e t h i n g t h a t I h a v e t h o u g h t a b o u t . Y o u h a v e t o t e a c h y o u r c h i l d r e n h o w t o b e a n g r y a t h o m e , r a t h e r t h a n m a k i n g t h e m f e e l l i k e i t i s s o m e d i r t y l i t t l e s e c r e t . H o p e f u l l y , t h e y c a n u s e t h e i r a n g e r i n a c o n s t r u c t i v e w a y . A n g e r h a s h e l p e d me i n my l i f e . I w a s i n t h i s c a r a c c i d e n t . E v e r y b o n e i n my b o d y w a s b r o k e n o n t h e r i g h t s i d e o f m y b o d y . I w a s a d a n c e r a t t h e t i m e i n a D a n c e C o m p a n y . I r e m e m b e r t h i s d o c t o r t e l l i n g me I m i g h t n o t e v e n w a l k a g a i n . I t h o u g h t , " W h o i s h e t o t e l l me w h a t w i l l h a p p e n ? " I t m a d e me f u r i o u s . T h e a n g e r h e l p e d me g e t t h r o u g h a v e r y p a i n f u l r e c o v e r y . A y e a r l a t e r , I i n v i t e d t h e d o c t o r t o a p e r f o r m a n c e i n w h i c h I w a s d a n c i n g . T h e a n g e r r e a l l y h e l p e d m e . A n g e r i s a n g e r . I t h i n k i n s o c i e t y w e h a v e s e e n t h a t i t h a s b e e n u s e d i n s u c h a w f u l w a y s . P e o p l e h a v e g o t t e n a n g r y a n d l e t t h a t e x p l o d e a n d m a y b e i t ' s b e c a u s e t h e y d o n ' t k n o w h o w t o d e a l w i t h t h e i r a n g e r . I t ' s b e c o m e e x p l o s i v e a n d b e e n u s e d 1 5 0 v e r y v i o l e n t l y . I j u s t h o p e a n d p r a y t h a t I c a n b e a m o d e l f o r my k i d s , t h a t t h e y k n o w t h o s e t h i n g s a r e w r o n g a n d t h e r e i s a w a y t o d e a l w i t h a n g e r . A n g e r i s a p a r t o f a l l o f u s . A l l o f u s w i l l a l w a y s h a v e a n g e r . D i f f e r e n t t h i n g s m a k e u s m o r e a n g r y t h a n o t h e r s a n d e a c h p e r s o n i s d i f f e r e n t . H o w t o d e a l w i t h t h a t a n g e r i s i m p o r t a n t , e s p e c i a l l y t o d a y . O v e r a l l , t h e r e i s a t h e m e o f a c c e p t a n c e t h a t a n g e r w i l l o c c u r i n t h e p a r e n t i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p a n d t h e d e s i r e t o m o d e l w a y s o f h a n d l i n g a n g e r f o r c h i l d r e n . T h e r e i s a d e s i r e t o p r o t e c t c h i l d r e n f r o m v i o l e n c e b u t n o t t o s h i e l d t h e m f r o m c o p i n g w i t h a n g e r . S u m m a r y o f t h e I n t e r v i e w R e s u l t s a n d P r i m a r y T h e m e s T h e q u e s t i o n r e s p o n s e r e s u l t s w e r e c o l l a p s e d i n t o s e v e n p r i m a r y t h e m e s . A s u m m a r y o f e a c h t h e m e a n d b r i e f e l a b o r a t i o n s f o l l o w . 1 . A n g e r i s a p a r t o f t h e p a r e n t i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p . A l l t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s r e c o g n i z e d t h a t a n g e r i s a p a r t o f t h e p a r e n t i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p . A n n o y a n c e , i r r i t a t i o n , a n d f r u s t r a t i o n w e r e r e c o g n i z e d a s b e i n g d a i l y o c c u r r e n c e s . T h e r e i s a d e v e l o p m e n t a l p r o c e s s i n u n d e r s t a n d i n g a n g e r i n t h e p a r e n t i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p , m o v i n g f r o m a d e s i r e a l w a y s t o b e c a l m t o b e i n g g e n e r a l l y i n c o n t r o l , y e t h a v i n g t h e a b i l i t y t o e x p r e s s a n g e r a s s e r t i v e l y w h e n n e c e s s a r y . 2 . S e l f - a w a r e n e s s o f o u r o w n a n g e r h e l p s u s m a n a g e m o r e c o n s t r u c t i v e l y . T h e m o t h e r s s p o k e o f l e a r n i n g t o k n o w t h e m s e l v e s b e t t e r a n d t h e r e f o r e 1 5 1 m a n a g i n g b e t t e r . O n e m o t h e r s p o k e o f s e l f - f o r g i v e n e s s , " I t h i n k w i t h a g e c o m e s w i s d o m . I k n o w m y s e l f m u c h b e t t e r a n d I c a n f o r g i v e m y s e l f my f a u l t s . " W i t h i n t h i s f r a m e w o r k , t h e c o e r c i v e i n c i d e n t s a l s o h a v e a f u n c t i o n . T h e m o t h e r l e a r n s a b o u t h e r l i m i t s . T h e m o t h e r s s p o k e r e g r e t f u l l y o f t h e s e i n c i d e n t s . T h e y s p o k e o f b e i n g s u r p r i s e d t h a t t h e y c o u l d h i t t h e i r c h i l d . T h e k n o w l e d g e g a i n e d f r o m t h e s e i n c i d e n t s c a n e n a b l e a m o t h e r t o a v o i d h i g h a n g e r a r o u s a l s i t u a t i o n s . S e l f - a c c e p t a n c e a p p e a r s t o f a c i l i t a t e a m o t h e r l e a r n i n g f r o m h e r e m o t i o n s . O n e m o t h e r p u t i t t h i s w a y , " I f e e l m o r e a c c e p t i n g a b o u t h o w I f e e l a b o u t d i f f e r e n t t h i n g s . N o w I f e e l m a d , t i r e d , o r I f e e l f e d - u p o r h o w e v e r . " 3. O u t s i d e f a c t o r s s u c h a s f a t i g u e , a t i m e c o n s t r a i n t , c o m p e t i n g d e m a n d s a f f e c t a n g e r a r o u s a l . A l l t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s i d e n t i f i e d t h a t o u t s i d e f a c t o r s c o n t r i b u t e t o a n g e r a r o u s a l . A d d r e s s i n g d e p r e s s i o n p e r m i t s a m o t h e r t o c o p e b e t t e r . 4. A s u p p o r t n e t w o r k f a c i l i t a t e s t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r . A l l t h e m o t h e r s h a d s u p p o r t n e t w o r k s . M a n y m e n t i o n e d t h e i r h u s b a n d s a s t h e i r p r i m a r y s u p p o r t a s t h e y v i e w e d p a r e n t i n g a s a s h a r e d r e s p o n s i b i l i t y . A l l m o t h e r s m e n t i o n e d s e e k i n g s u p p o r t a m o n g m o t h e r s w h o h a v e c h i l d r e n o f s i m i l a r a g e s a n d w h o h o l d s i m i l a r p a r e n t i n g v a l u e s . 1 5 2 5 . B o o k s , v i d e o s , a n d p a r e n t i n g c o u r s e s a r e a m o n g t h e m o s t i n f l u e n t i a l s o u r c e s i n h e l p i n g p a r e n t s t o d e a l w i t h a n g e r . I t i s s i g n i f i c a n t t h a t m o t h e r s s p o k e o f t h e i n f l u e n c e o f b o o k s a n d v i d e o s o n p a r e n t i n g . T h e p a r e n t i n g c o u r s e s a n d s u p p o r t g r o u p s w e r e d e s c r i b e d a s h e l p f u l . O n e o f t h e m o s t i m p o r t a n t a s p e c t s o f p a r e n t i n g c o u r s e s m e n t i o n e d w a s t h e s h a r i n g a n d l i s t e n i n g t o o t h e r p a r e n t s . 6 . C h i l d r e n n e e d t o s e e a n d t o l e a r n h o w t o h a n d l e a n g e r . W i t h t h e e x c e p t i o n o f t w o m o t h e r s , t h e m o t h e r s f e l t t h a t a n g e r , n o t v i o l e n c e , w a s a p a r t o f t h e p a r e n t i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p . A n g e r w a s s o m e t h i n g t h e y w a n t e d t h e i r c h i l d r e n t o s e e a n d t o l e a r n h o w t o h a n d l e . T h e y w e r e c o n s c i o u s o f b e i n g m o d e l s f o r t h e i r c h i l d r e n . 7 . A n g e r n e e d s t o b e a c c o m p a n i e d w i t h a n e x p l a n a t i o n , a r e s o l u t i o n . A l l t h e m o t h e r s w e r e v e r y c o n s c i o u s o f t h e n e e d t o e x p l a i n w h y t h e y h a d b e c o m e a n g r y a n d t h e n e e d t o c l o s e t h e e x p e r i e n c e w i t h a n e x p r e s s i o n o f l o v e f o r t h e c h i l d . C o n c l u s i o n I n t h i s c h a p t e r t w o r e s u l t s w e r e r e p o r t e d : t h e c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t s r e s u l t s a n d q u e s t i o n r e s p o n s e r e s u l t s . F i r s t , t h i s s t u d y f o u n d t h a t r e p e t i t i v e 1 5 3 i n t e r r u p t i o n s , t i m e c o n s t r a i n t s , m a t e r n a l f a t i g u e , a n d c h i l d r e f u s a l c o n t r i b u t e t o a n g e r a r o u s a l a n d i n c r e a s e t h e l i k e l i h o o d o f a v e r b a l l y o r p h y s i c a l l y c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e . H o w e v e r , n o n e o f t h e s e c o n d i t i o n s p r e c l u d e s a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e o r r e s o l u t i o n t o a n g e r . I t i s w h a t a m o t h e r t h i n k s d u r i n g a n i n c i d e n t , h e r i n i t i a l a p p r a i s a l a n d r e a p p r a i s a l s , t h a t i n f l u e n c e s a n g e r a r o u s a l a n d i t s o u t c o m e . S e c o n d , i n r e s p o n s e t o t h e r e s e a r c h q u e s t i o n , w h a t f a c i l i t a t e s t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r , f o u r f a c t o r s w e r e i d e n t i f i e d : r e s p o n s i v e s e l f - a w a r e n e s s , e m p a t h y , s e p a r a t i o n , a n d r e l i e f . E i g h t d i f f e r i n g s t o r y p l o t s w e r e d e s c r i b e d a n d i l l u s t r a t e d . T h e s t o r y p l o t s r e v e a l e d t h a t c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r i s c h a r a c t e r i z e d b y ( a ) p a u s e s , e i t h e r c o g n i t i v e o r e n s u i n g f r o m a p h y s i c a l s e p a r a t i o n , t h a t p e r m i t t h e m o t h e r t o r e f l e c t o n h e r n e e d s a n d t h e n e e d s o f h e r c h i l d a n d b y (b ) a s s e r t i v e o r i n c l u s i v e a c t i o n . T h e s t o r y p l o t s a l s o r e v e a l e d t h a t a f t e r a m o t h e r e x p r e s s e s a n g e r c o e r c i v e l y a n d h a s r e g a i n e d c a l m , t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n o f a n g e r i s f a c i l i t a t e d b y t h e m o t h e r ( a ) s h a r i n g h e r f e e l i n g s , (b ) o f f e r i n g a n e x p l a n a t i o n , a n d ( c ) r e s t o r i n g g o o d f e e l i n g s . O v e r a l l , t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r a s s e r t s t h e m o t h e r ' s n e e d s a n d m a i n t a i n s o r r e s t o r e s t h e c h i l d ' s s e l f -1 5 4 e s t e e m . T h e s t o r y p l o t s a l s o r e v e a l e d t h a t t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r i s h i n d e r e d w h e n a m o t h e r ( a ) d i s r e g a r d s g r o w i n g f e e l i n g s o f a n g e r , (b ) b l a m e s h e r c h i l d , ( c ) e n g a g e s i n t h e c o n f l i c t , a n d (d ) s t a y s p h y s i c a l l y p r e s e n t w h e n a n g r y w i t h h e r c h i l d . C o e r c i o n a n d a n e s c a l a t i n g c o n f l i c t u s u a l l y f o l l o w . T h e r e s o l u t i o n i s m a r k e d b y f e e l i n g s o f l i n g e r i n g a n g e r a n d r e s e n t m e n t o n t h e p a r t o f t h e m o t h e r ( a n d o f t e n o n t h e p a r t o f t h e c h i l d ) , n o o v e r t r e s o l u t i o n , a n d s o m e t i m e s , f e e l i n g s o f i n c o m p e t e n c y . E m p a t h y a n d r e s o l u t i o n a r e a b s e n t a n d t h e c h i l d o r t h e c h i l d ' s s e l f - e s t e e m i s a t t a c k e d . A b r i e f s y n o p s i s w i t h i l l u s t r a t i v e e x c e r p t s t o e a c h o f t h e 1 3 q u e s t i o n s w a s p r e s e n t e d . F r o m t h e i n t e r v i e w q u e s t i o n s , s e v e n t h e m e s w e r e i d e n t i f i e d . T h e t h e m a t i c a n a l y s i s o f t h e q u e s t i o n r e s p o n s e s r e v e a l e d t h a t t h e a c c e p t a n c e o f a n g e r a n d a s u p p o r t n e t w o r k f a c i l i t a t e t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r , a n d s u g g e s t s t h a t t h e d e n i a l o f a n g e r a n d i s o l a t i o n h i n d e r t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r . 1 5 5 C H A P T E R 5 D i s c u s s i o n I n t h i s c h a p t e r , t h e r e s u l t s w i l l b e d i s c u s s e d w i t h r e f e r e n c e t o t h e l i t e r a t u r e r e v i e w . I m p l i c a t i o n s f o r t h e o r y , p r a c t i c e , a n d r e s e a r c h p r e c e d e a f i n a l s u m m a r y . S u m m a r y o f R e s u l t s T h i s s t u d y u n d e r t o o k t o g a i n a n u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f a n g e r i n t h e n o r m a t i v e a n d g e n e r a l l y p o s i t i v e m o t h e r -c h i l d r e l a t i o n s h i p . S p e c i f i c a l l y , w h e n a n g r y , w h a t f a c i l i t a t e s a n d h i n d e r s t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r ? E l e v e n m o t h e r s o f p r e s c h o o l e r s p r o d u c e d 4 6 u s a b l e i n c i d e n t s d e s c r i b i n g a n g e r e x p e r i e n c e s . T h e s e i n c i d e n t s r e v e a l e d f o u r f a c t o r s t h a t f a c i l i t a t e t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r : ( a ) r e s p o n s i v e s e l f -a w a r e n e s s , (b ) e m p a t h y , ( c ) s e p a r a t i o n , a n d (d ) r e l i e f . F u r t h e r m o r e , t h e i n c i d e n t s r e v e a l e d t h a t t h e r e w e r e f o u r b a s i c r e s p o n s e s t y l e s t o a n g e r : ( a ) a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e a n d r e s o l u t i o n , ( b ) a c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e w i t h a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n , ( c ) a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e w i t h a c o e r c i v e r e s o l u t i o n , a n d (d ) a c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e a n d r e s o l u t i o n . C o m b i n i n g t h e f a c i l i t a t i n g a n d r e s p o n s e s t y l e s p r o d u c e d e i g h t d i f f e r e n t i a t e d p l o t s w h i c h d e s c r i b e h o w a n g e r w a s r e s o l v e d o n c e i t w a s a r o u s e d . I n d e p e n d e n t r a t e r s w e r e 156 able to categorize 84% and 89% of the s t o r i e s c o r r e c t l y . This established the story plots as being r e l i a b l e , given the parameters of this exploratory s tudy. Participants also responded to 13 questions that arose from a preliminary l i t e r a t u r e review. The responses to these questions were summarized i n seven primary themes: 1. Anger i s a part of the parenting relationship. 2. Self-awareness of our own anger helps us manage more constructively. 3. Outside factors such as fatigue, time constraints, r e p e t i t i v e interruptions, competing demands, and noncompliance a f f e c t anger arousal and i t s prolongation. 4. Having a support network enables us to put our experience i n perspective and be more accepting of our own experiences. 5. Books, videos, and parenting courses are among the most i n f l u e n t i a l sources i n helping parents to deal with anger constructively. 6. Children need to see and to learn how to handle anger. 7. Anger needs to be accompanied with an explanation and a resolution. 1 5 7 T h e s e t h e m e s r e p r e s e n t t h e c o n t e x t u a l t h i n k i n g a n d a c t i o n s t h a t f a c i l i t a t e t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r b e t w e e n a m o t h e r a n d a p r e s c h o o l c h i l d . L i m i t a t i o n s T h i s s t u d y a d o p t e d p h e n o m e n o l o g i c a l m e t h o d o l o g y i n o r d e r t o g a i n a n i n - d e p t h u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e s o f a n g e r a n d i t s f a c i l i t a t i n g f a c t o r s a s r e p o r t e d b y m o t h e r s o f p r e s c h o o l e r s . C o n s e q u e n t l y , t h e r e a r e l i m i t a t i o n s t o t h i s s t u d y w h i c h a f f e c t p o s s i b l e g e n e r a l i z a t i o n s . F o r e m o s t , 1 1 p a r t i c i p a n t s c o n t r i b u t e d t o t h e f i n d i n g s . T h e s t o r i e s a n d c o m m e n t s o n a n g e r w e r e c o l l e c t e d i n a t w o h o u r i n t e r v i e w w i t h e a c h p a r t i c i p a n t . A l t h o u g h t h e s t o r i e s a n d i n f o r m a t i o n g a t h e r e d w e r e d e t a i l e d a n d r i c h , t h e f o u r f a c i l i t a t i n g f a c t o r s a n d e i g h t d i f f e r e n t i a t e d s t o r y p l o t s a r e b a s e d o n 46 u s a b l e i n c i d e n t s . A m u c h b r o a d e r s t u d y l i s t i n g h u n d r e d s o f e v e n t s c o u l d p r o v i d e a m o r e c o m p l e x a n d r e f i n e d u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e s o f a n g e r a n d i t s f a c i l i t a t i n g f a c t o r s . T h e r e s u l t s i n t h i s s t u d y r e l i e d a p p r o p r i a t e l y o n p a r t i c i p a n t s e l f - r e p o r t s . H o w e v e r , w h e n r e t e l l i n g t h e s t o r i e s , t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s m a y h a v e e d i t e d e v e n t s o r b e e n a f f e c t e d b y s o c i a l d e s i r a b i l i t y . T h e f a c t t h a t a l l t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s w e r e a b l e t o s h a r e b o t h p o s i t i v e 158 and negative resolution stories counters somewhat the s o c i a l d e s i r a b i l i t y phenomena. Another consideration i s that self-reports may produce interpretations that are too cognitive and r a t i o n a l i s t i c (Berkowitz, 1993). This point merits further research. The participants i n the study were Caucasian Canadians who generally are nurturing and caring mothers. They formed a small group of middle income, educated, and experienced mothers. A l l the participants were married and had at least two children, one of whom was a preschooler. Therefore results may be d i f f e r e n t for mothers i n other socio-economic or c u l t u r a l groups. As well, the results may d i f f e r for new mothers, single mothers, or for mothers experiencing s i g n i f i c a n t d i s t r e s s . In summary, the results from this exploratory study must be viewed as preliminary findings. Implications for Theory This section w i l l discuss the findings of t h i s study i n r e l a t i o n to the l i t e r a t u r e review. This study supports s o c i a l c o g n i t i v i s t t h e o r e t i c a l conceptualizations of anger ( A v e r i l l , 1982; Clore, Ortony, Dienes, & F u j i t a , 1993; Tavris, 1989), i . e . , anger occurs within s o c i a l contexts when we judge the event to be undesirable and a person blameworthy. 159 S e v e r a l p o i n t s i d e n t i f i e d b y A v e r i l l ' s e x t e n s i v e s t u d y o n a n g e r (1982) h a v e b e e n c o n f i r m e d i n t h i s s t u d y . F i r s t , m o s t o f t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s i n d i c a t e d t h a t t h e y e x p e r i e n c e d a n n o y a n c e o r i r r i t a t i o n w i t h t h e i r c h i l d o n a d a i l y b a s i s a n d a n g e r l e s s f r e q u e n t l y , o n c e a w e e k o r o n c e e v e r y o t h e r w e e k . T h i s f i n d i n g i s s i m i l a r t o t h a t o f A v e r i l l . I n h i s s t u d y , a l t h o u g h t h e s a m p l e p o p u l a t i o n (n=160) d i f f e r e d , t h e m a j o r i t y o f p a r t i c i p a n t s (66%) r e p o r t e d b e c o m i n g a n g r y 1 t o 2 t i m e s a w e e k a n d a l m o s t h a l f t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s (45%) b e c a m e a n n o y e d a t l e a s t o n c e a d a y . S e c o n d , A v e r i l l f o u n d t h a t a n g e r i s d i r e c t e d a t a l o v e d o n e m o r e o f t e n t h a n a t a s t r a n g e r w h i c h h a s l e d h i m t o p o s t u l a t e t h a t a n g e r i s m o r e c l o s e l y r e l a t e d t o l o v e t h a n t o h a t e . T h i s s t u d y c o n f i r m s t h a t a n g e r i s d i r e c t e d a t l o v e d o n e s . W i t h o u t e x c e p t i o n , t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s r e p o r t e d a n g e r i n c i d e n t s i n v o l v i n g t h e i r p r e s c h o o l e r , e v e n t h o u g h t h e r e w a s a m p l e e v i d e n c e i n t h e t o n e o f t h e i n t e r v i e w a n d s t a t e m e n t s t o c o n f i r m t h a t t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s r e p r e s e n t e d s t a b l e a n d c a r i n g m o t h e r s . A n g e r , a s i t i s d e s c r i b e d i n t h i s s t u d y , s u p p o r t s t h e o r i s t s w h o f a v o u r a n a c t i v e c o n c e p t u a l i z a t i o n o f t h e r o l e o f c o g n i t i o n i n a n g e r a r o u s a l ( B a n d u r a , 1973; C l o r e e t a l . , 1993; T a v r i s , 1982). C o g n i t i o n h a s b o t h a c r e a t i v e a n d a n i n h i b i t i v e f u n c t i o n . F o r a n g e r t o b e 1 6 0 a r o u s e d i n i t i a l l y , t h e m o t h e r s h a d t o j u d g e t h e e v e n t t o b e u n d e s i r a b l e a n d t h e c h i l d t o b e b l a m e w o r t h y . T h e a p p r a i s a l s w e r e q u i c k a n d s h i f t e d r a p i d l y t h r o u g h o u t a n i n t e r a c t i o n . T h i s s t u d y s u p p o r t s i n p a r t t h e o r i e s t h a t p l a c e e m p h a s i s o n n e u r o - p h y s i c a l a u t o m a t i c r e s p o n s e s t o a n g e r ( B e r k o w i t z , 1993). F r o m t h e d a t a , f i v e s t o r i e s r e v e a l e d a n a u t o m a t i c , a d r e n a l i n r e s p o n s e t o a n g e r . H o w e v e r , e v e n w i t h i n t h i s s u b s e t , m o t h e r s r e s p o n d e d c o n s t r u c t i v e l y i n t w o i n c i d e n t s . T h e r e f o r e , a g g r e s s i o n d o e s n o t a l w a y s f o l l o w a n g e r a r o u s a l e v e n w h e n t h e i n i t i a l r e s p o n s e i s r a p i d a n d i n v o l u n t a r y . T h i s s t u d y a g r e e s t h a t w h i l e a n t e c e d e n t c o n d i t i o n s , i . e . , r e p e t i t i v e i n t e r r u p t i o n s , f a t i g u e , m o o d , d e p r e s s i o n , t i m e c o n s t r a i n t s , a n d n o n c o m p l i a n c e d o c o n t r i b u t e t o a n g e r a r o u s a l ( A v e r i l l , 1982; D i x , R e i n h o l d , & Z a m b a r a n o , 1990; G e l f a n d & T e t i , 1990), t h e y a r e n o t s u f f i c i e n t c o n d i t i o n s t o p r e d i c t w h e t h e r a m o t h e r w i l l r e s p o n d c o n s t r u c t i v e l y o r c o e r c i v e l y . T h e s e c o n s t r a i n t s i n c r e a s e d t h e l i k e l i h o o d o f a c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e b u t d i d n o t c a u s e t h e m . T h e r e f o r e , c o g n i t i o n p l a y s a k e y r o l e i n t h e a c t i v a t i o n o f a n g e r a n d i t s s u b s e q u e n t e s c a l a t i o n o r r e d u c t i o n . C o n t r a r y t o t h e r e s e a r c h f i n d i n g o f D i x , R e i n h o l d , a n d Z a m b a r a n o ' s (1990), t h a t m o t h e r s b e c o m e m o r e a n g r y 161 w h e n a c h i l d ' s r e s p o n s e i s a m b i g u o u s t h a n t h e y d o w h e n i t i s c l e a r l y d e f i a n t , t h i s s t u d y f o u n d t h a t d e f i a n c e i n c r e a s e d t h e l i k e l i h o o d o f c o e r c i v e r e s p o n s e s . T h i s p a t t e r n c o r r o b o r a t e s H e u s s e r ' s f i n d i n g (1987) t h a t p o w e r - a s s e r t i o n w a s p r e f e r r e d w h e n m o t h e r s j u d g e d t h e c h i l d t o h a v e b e e n d e l i b e r a t e l y d i s o b e d i e n t , t o h a v e p r o v o k e d t h e i n c i d e n t , a n d t o h a v e v i o l a t e d a n e x p e c t a t i o n . T h i s s t u d y s u g g e s t s a r e f i n e m e n t t o t h e f i n d i n g s o f D i x , R u b l e , a n d Z a m b a r a n o (1989). D i x e t a l . f o u n d t h a t m o t h e r s p r e f e r r e d p o w e r - a s s e r t i v e d i s c i p l i n e ( u s e o f p u n i s h m e n t ) o v e r i n d u c t i o n ( a n e x p l a n a t i o n ) w h e n m o t h e r s j u d g e d t h e c h i l d t o b e a b l e t o f o r e s e e t h e i n t e n d e d r e s o l u t i o n o f a n e v e n t f o r w h i c h t h e y w e r e c l e a r l y r e s p o n s i b l e f o r t h e e v e n t . T h i s s t u d y f o u n d e v i d e n c e t h a t , g i v e n t h e p r e c e d i n g a p p r a i s a l s , a m o t h e r ' s a n g e r w o u l d d i m i n i s h w h e n a c h i l d d e m o n s t r a t e d f e a r , r e g r e t , o r r e m o r s e . H o w e v e r , i n s h a r p c o n t r a s t t o s o m e c o g n i t i v e r e s e a r c h e r s ( M c K a y e t a l . , 1989; T a v r i s , 1989) t h i s s t u d y d o e s n o t a g r e e w i t h t h e s u p p r e s s i o n o f a n g e r n o r w i t h d i s t a n c i n g f r o m t h e e m o t i o n . F o r e x a m p l e , M c K a y e t a l . s t a t e " a n g e r i s a c h o i c e . " M c K a y e t a l . s u g g e s t r e p l a c i n g t r i g g e r i n g t h o u g h t s w i t h n e u t r a l t h o u g h t s a n d m o d i f y i n g t h e e n v i r o n m e n t t o m i n i m i z e f r u s t r a t i o n . 162 T a v r i s s u g g e s t s s u p p r e s s i n g a n g e r u n t i l s u c h t i m e a s o n e c a n e x p r e s s i t a p p r o p r i a t e l y . W h i l e t h e r e i s a p l a c e f o r t h i s a d v i c e , t h e p r e m i s e t h a t a n g e r i s a c h o i c e i s n o t s u p p o r t e d b y t h i s s t u d y . W h e n a n g e r i s v i e w e d a s a c h o i c e , i t d e f i n e s a n g e r a s b e i n g a n u n d e s i r a b l e a n d u n w o r t h y a d u l t e m o t i o n . T h i s a s s u m p t i o n m a y l e a v e p a r e n t s i n a d o u b l e b i n d : i f a n g r y , n o t o n l y m u s t t h e p a r e n t a t t e n d t o t h e a n g r y f e e l i n g s b u t t h e y m a y a l s o e x p e r i e n c e f e e l i n g s o f g u i l t a n d i n c o m p e t e n c e o v e r t h e i r i n a b i l i t y t o c h o o s e o t h e r w i s e . T h i s s t u d y f o u n d e v i d e n c e t h a t c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e s a n d r e s o l u t i o n s o c c u r m o s t o f t e n w h e n a n g e r i s r e c o g n i z e d , a c c e p t e d , a n d t h e n r e s p o n d e d t o . A n g e r i n f o r m s t h e a c t i o n s o f t h e m o t h e r b u t d o e s n o t d r i v e t h e m . T h i s i s c o n s i s t e n t w i t h s y s t e m i c p e r s p e c t i v e o f B r a d s h a w (1992) a n d L e r n e r (1985). T h i s s t u d y s u g g e s t s w e c o n s i d e r r e s p o n d i n g t o a n g e r a s a w e a t h e r r e p o r t e r r e s p o n d s t o t h e e l e m e n t s . A n g e r w i l l o c c u r j u s t a s s u r e a s i t w i l l r a i n . J u s t a s w e n e e d t o a c c e p t a n d r e s p o n d t o t h e p r e v a i l i n g w e a t h e r , w e n e e d t o a c c e p t a n g e r , a n d l e a r n t o r e s p o n d t o i t a p p r o p r i a t e l y . We n e e d t o r e c o g n i z e o u r a n g e r , a c k n o w l e d g e i t , a n d r e s p o n d t o i t i n a s s e r t i v e , n o n h u r t f u l w a y s . C o n s t r u c t i v e a n g e r o c c u r r e d w h e n t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s r e s p o n d e d t o t h e i r a n g e r w i t h e i t h e r a n a s s e r t i v e o r a 163 i n c l u s i v e act. This study found evidence that assertion and empathy can coexist with anger. This i s consistent with feminist researchers (Coward, 1992; M i l l e r & Surrey, 1990) who favour r e a l i s t i c views of mothering rather than dichotomous "good" versus "bad", "nurturing" versus "abusive" descriptions of mothers. Self - awareness i s a v i t a l f a c i l i t a t o r i n the constructive use of anger. This i s present i n the l i t e r a t u r e , but c e r t a i n l y this study awards i t greater importance. Self-awareness i n this study refers to both the a b i l i t y to recognize feelings i n the moment and the a b i l i t y to predict the outcome based on p r i o r experience. The mother has choice. The choice i s not i n whether we become angry or not but i n our response to the anger. Early theorists (Bach & Goldberg, 1974) encouraged parents and children to express anger within structured r i t u a l s . The most recent humanistic schools (Faber & Mazlish, 1980, 1987; Ginott, 1965) advocate helping children express anger and se t t i n g l i m i t s around acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. Most mothers i n this study spoke of wanting to model appropriate ways of handling anger i n front of th e i r c h i l d . However, i n the transcripts, there was very l i t t l e evidence of d i r e c t empathic statements supporting a chil d ' s 164 expression of anger, e.g., "I see that you are upset." There was ample evidence i n the transcripts of mothers taking empathic perspectives which supports Richardson et a l . ' s findings (1994) on the role of empathy as a cognitive i n h i b i t o r of interpersonal aggression. The a b i l i t y to adopt a wider perspective f a c i l i t a t e s the constructive use of anger. As described, this can happen i n the moment of anger arousal and over time. A wider perspective can be developed with experience and by l i s t e n i n g to the experience of others. Mothers also spoke of gaining knowledge from books and parenting courses. Mothers were able to draw on ideas i n the moment of anger. There are some indications that suggest that a mother comes to understand the role of anger i n the parenting relationship. I n i t i a l l y , the occurrence of anger appears to devastate the mother. She i s disappointed i n herself. With time, the mother comes to accept that anger w i l l occur and that i t i s a part of the parenting relationship. Some mothers come to accept that they can f e e l anger and express i t . Their emotional experience informs them. When the mothers i n this study expressed anger coercively, an intentional and sincere resolution often resolved an incident constructively. This finding 165 extends the research findings of Cummings and Davies (1994). Cummings has studied extensively the influence of marital c o n f l i c t on children. He writes, "There i s every reason to believe that children can handle normal levels of anger i n the home, even though i t may be s t r e s s f u l for them while i t i s going on" (p. 134). Furthermore, Cummings, Cummings, and El-Sheikh (1989) found that children rated c o n f l i c t s as almost f r i e n d l y interactions a f t e r witnessing t h e i r parents resolve a c o n f l i c t . Cummings hypothesizes that children's observations of parents' anger and c o n f l i c t may be necessary experiences i n the development of adequate coping s k i l l s . This study indicates that parent-child c o n f l i c t s may be necessary developmental experiences as well. Implications for Practice The results of this research have p r a c t i c a l applications i n that the findings validate that anger can be used constructively. Several factors f a c i l i t a t e the constructive use of anger. F i r s t , there i s a place for parent education. In this study, a l l the participants had read books or seen videos on parenting. A smaller group had attended parenting courses. The findings of this study support the use of parenting l i t e r a t u r e from the humanistic 166 schools (Faber & Mazlish, 1980, 1987; Samalin & Whitney, 1991) and problem-solving approaches (Coloroso, 1994) . Parent educators within these orientations accept that anger w i l l occur. They attempt to provide parents with: (a) developmental, reality-based knowledge and (b) s k i l l s to express anger constructively through the use of " I " messages, l i m i t setting, and the restoration of good feelings. Constructive anger ensues from acceptance and assertive or i n c l u s i v e action. In a sense, parenting l i t e r a t u r e has superseded theoretical formulations. This may be due to the fact that much of the l i t e r a t u r e on anger i s confounded with the study of aggression which i s not t y p i c a l of everyday experiences of anger. As cognitive appraisals are c r i t i c a l to the potential escalation of anger, the more factual information a mother has the better. In pa r t i c u l a r , one mother spoke of how a book describing b i t i n g as t y p i c a l 1 1/2 year-old behaviour released her anxiety. Three stories revealed the a b i l i t y of mothers to draw on an author's suggestion i n the moment of anger. A second implication for practice i s that the f a c i l i t a t i n g factors and the d i f f e r e n t i a t e d plots could be used to se n s i t i z e counsellors working with mothers 167 of preschoolers. These may enable them to validate and c l a r i f y experiences for t h e i r c l i e n t s . Third, the results could be incorporated into the development of parenting programs. The four f a c i l i t a t i n g factors, the story plots, and the primary themes described i n this study could provide a st r u c t u r a l frame for components which address anger i n the mother-child relationship. This study also supports using c o n f l i c t resolution models, e.g., Govorchin (1990). C o n f l i c t resolution models recognize the importance of cognition i n a context of i n t e r r e l a t e d elements i n a c o n f l i c t . Escalation or de-escalation has a compounding eff e c t on the s i t u a t i o n . Fourth, the results suggest that mothers need to have opportunities to talk to and to l i s t e n to other mothers i n the same circumstances. Support either from a spouse or other mothers i s often e s s e n t i a l . This study extends Crockenberg's (19 87) findings and suggests that not only does support enable adolescent mothers to use anger i n a less coercive and punitive manner but so too support enabled these mothers to be more forgiving of t h e i r own experiences. Sharing stories allows mothers to put t h e i r experience into a grounded perspective and deflates u n r e a l i s t i c i d e a l s . There were some comments which i l l u s t r a t e d that 1 6 8 w h i l e b o o k s a n d p a r e n t i n g c o u r s e s w e r e h e l p f u l , t h e y a l s o i m p l y t h a t i f o n e c o u l d i m p l e m e n t t h e s u g g e s t i o n s f u l l y , t h e n t h e m o t h e r w o u l d n o l o n g e r e x p e r i e n c e a n g e r o r f r u s t r a t i o n . T h e s e c o m m e n t s i l l u s t r a t e a p t l y C o w a r d ' s ( 1 9 9 2 ) c o n c e p t u a l i z a t i o n o f t h e t y r a n n y o f t h e i d e a l t h a t t h e g o o d - e n o u g h m o t h e r s h o u l d b e a b l e t o r i s e a b o v e " b a d - t e m p e r e d s u r v i v a l t o i d y l l i c p e a c e ( p . 7 7 ) T h e s h a r i n g o f s t o r i e s i s a n e e d t h a t c o u l d b e i n c o r p o r a t e d i n t o t h e d e s i g n o f a n y w o r k s h o p . M o t h e r s n e e d t o h e a r t h a t a n g e r i s n o r m a l . M o t h e r s n e e d t o h e a r t h a t c o n s t r u c t i v e a n g e r i s c o m p a t i b l e w i t h s e l f -a w a r e n e s s , a s s e r t i o n , e m p a t h y , s e p a r a t i o n , a n d a l l o w i n g s o m e o n e t o s t e p i n . I m p l i c a t i o n s f o r F u t u r e R e s e a r c h A r e v i e w o f t h e l i t e r a t u r e o n a n g e r ( a s d i s t i n c t f r o m t h e l i t e r a t u r e o n a g g r e s s i o n ) i n t h e m o t h e r - c h i l d r e l a t i o n s h i p i s l i m i t e d . E x i s t i n g r e s e a r c h h a s o f t e n s t u d i e d d e p r e s s e d , a d o l e s c e n t , a b u s i v e m o t h e r s , o r m o t h e r s o f h a n d i c a p p e d c h i l d r e n - - i n s h o r t , m o t h e r s e x p e r i e n c i n g s i g n i f i c a n t s t r e s s . T h i s s t u d y r e p r e s e n t s a n e x p l o r a t i o n o f t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e s o f a n g e r w i t h i n n o r m a t i v e a n d g e n e r a l l y h e a l t h y m o t h e r - c h i l d r e l a t i o n s h i p s . I t i s h o p e d t h a t i t w i l l s t i m u l a t e f u r t h e r r e s e a r c h s o t h a t h e a l t h y p r a c t i c e s a n d n o t 1 6 9 p a t h o l o g i c a l e x t r e m e s c a n i n f o r m p a r e n t i n g p r a c t i c e s . G i v e n t h e e x p l o r a t o r y n a t u r e o f t h i s s t u d y a n d t h e s m a l l s a m p l e s i z e , t h e r e s u l t s o f a b r o a d e r s t u d y i n c l u d i n g a w i d e r p o p u l a t i o n a n d g r e a t e r n u m b e r o f i n c i d e n t s c o u l d e s t a b l i s h g r e a t e r v a l i d i t y a n d r e l i a b i l i t y i n t h e f i n d i n g s . M o t h e r s i n t h e s t u d y r a n g e d f r o m f e e l i n g g u i l t y a b o u t a n g e r o c c u r r e n c e s t o a c c e p t i n g a n g e r a s a n e m o t i o n w h i c h i s i n f o r m i n g t h e m . A s t u d y e x p l o r i n g d e v e l o p m e n t a l u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f a n g e r a n d i s s u e s o f m o t h e r h o o d i s w o r t h p u r s u i n g . M u c h o f c o u n s e l l i n g a n d p a r e n t i n g l i t e r a t u r e a d v o c a t e s t h e u s e o f e m p a t h i c r e s p o n s e s w h e n l i s t e n i n g t o c h i l d r e n , p a r t i c u l a r l y w h e n t h e y a r e u p s e t . T h i s s t u d y , w i t h t h e e x c e p t i o n o f o n e i n c i d e n t d i d n o t f i n d t h a t t h e m o t h e r s u s e d e m p a t h i c r e s p o n s e s w h e n a n g r y . T h e y u s e d " I " s t a t e m e n t s a n d l a n g u a g e t o l i m i t s e t . R e s e a r c h w h i c h c o n f i r m e d o r d i d n o t c o n f i r m t h i s o b s e r v a t i o n a b o u t t h e r o l e o f e m p a t h i c r e s p o n s e s i n p a r e n t - c h i l d i n t e r a c t i o n s i s r e q u i r e d t o i n f o r m p a r e n t e d u c a t o r s . A n e x p e r i m e n t a l w o r k s h o p i n c o r p o r a t i n g t h e r e s u l t s o f t h i s s t u d y c o u l d b e d e s i g n e d t o t e s t t h e i r a p p l i c a t i o n a n d u s e f u l n e s s . W h i l e t h i s s t u d y d e s c r i b e d w h a t f a c i l i t a t e s a n d h i n d e r s t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f 1 7 0 a n g e r , t h e c o n c e p t s m a y o r m a y n o t h e l p a p a r e n t t o i n c r e a s e t h e n u m b e r o f c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e s . C u m m i n g s a n d h i s a s s o c i a t e s h a v e f o u n d a m p l e e v i d e n c e t h a t c h i l d r e n e x p o s e d t o m a r i t a l c o n f l i c t c a n p u t t h e i n c i d e n t b e h i n d t h e m i f t h e c o n f l i c t i s r e s o l v e d . R e s e a r c h w h i c h e x a m i n e s t h e e f f e c t s o f p a r e n t - c h i l d r e s o l u t i o n o n c h i l d r e n w o u l d b e m o s t b e n e f i c i a l . S u m m a r y T h i s s t u d y s e t o u t t o g a i n a n u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f a n g e r i n t h e n o r m a t i v e a n d g e n e r a l l y p o s i t i v e m o t h e r -c h i l d r e l a t i o n s h i p . T h i s s t u d y d o e s n o t a d d r e s s p r e v e n t a t i v e s t r a t e g i e s t h a t m o t h e r s c a n a d o p t t o m i n i m i z e c o n f l i c t s w i t h t h e i r c h i l d r e n . R a t h e r , a s s e t o u t i n t h e i n t r o d u c t i o n , t h i s s t u d y h a s a t t e m p t e d t o d e s c r i b e a n g e r o n c e i t i s a r o u s e d a n d w h a t f a c i l i t a t e s a n d h i n d e r s i t s c o n s t r u c t i v e e x p r e s s i o n . T h i s s t u d y c o n f i r m s t h a t c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s p o n s e s t o a n g e r d o e x i s t . A s p a r e n t s w e a r e n o t c o n d e m n e d t o h u r t o u r c h i l d r e n e m o t i o n a l l y a n d p h y s i c a l l y i n t h e m o m e n t o f a n g e r . F o u r f a c t o r s a p p e a r t o f a c i l i t a t e t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r o n c e i t i s a r o u s e d : ( a ) r e s p o n s i v e s e l f - a w a r e n e s s , (b ) e m p a t h y , ( c ) s e p a r a t i o n , a n d (d ) r e l i e f . I t i s s i g n i f i c a n t t h a t a l l t h e s e f a c t o r s a r e e s s e n t i a l l y f o r m s o f s e p a r a t i o n . S e l f -1 7 1 a w a r e n e s s a n d e m p a t h y a r e w a y s o f s t a n d i n g b a c k c o g n i t i v e l y f r o m a c o n f l i c t ; s u f f i c i e n t s e p a r a t i o n a n d r e l i e f a r e w a y s o f p h y s i c a l l y s t a n d i n g b a c k f r o m a c o n f l i c t . T h e s e f o u r f a c i l i t a t i n g f a c t o r s r e p r e s e n t c o g n i t i o n s a n d a c t i o n s t h a t a l l o w u s t o u s e t h e e m o t i o n a l e x p e r i e n c e o f a n g e r t o g u i d e o u r r e s p o n s e s . A n g e r i s r e s o l v e d c o n s t r u c t i v e l y w h e n t h e e m o t i o n i n f o r m s u s a n d w e r e s p o n d t o o u r c h i l d i n a s s e r t i v e , n o n o v e r w h e l m i n g w a y s . T h e e x p e r i e n c e o f a n g e r i s c o n t e x t - b o u n d . T h e r e e x i s t s c o n t e x t u a l t h i n k i n g o r b e l i e f s y s t e m s t h a t f a c i l i t a t e t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r . F i r s t , a n g e r i s a p a r t o f t h e p a r e n t i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p , e v e n a h e a l t h y , p o s i t i v e o n e . P o s i t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p s e n c o u n t e r a n d r e s o l v e u n d e s i r a b l e a n d d i f f i c u l t e x p e r i e n c e s . S e c o n d , a c c e p t a n c e o f o u r f e e l i n g s e n a b l e s u s t o u s e o u r e m o t i o n s t o g u i d e o u r r e s p o n s e s . T h i r d , s h a r i n g o u r s t o r i e s a n d l i s t e n i n g t o s t o r i e s w i t h o u r s p o u s e s a n d o t h e r m o t h e r s h e l p s u s t o p u t o u r e x p e r i e n c e i n t o a g r o u n d e d p e r s p e c t i v e a n d t o b e m o r e f o r g i v i n g o f o u r s e l v e s . F o u r t h , w e c a n b e n e f i t f r o m t h e k n o w l e d g e o f d e v e l o p m e n t a l , h u m a n i s t i c , a n d p r o b l e m - s o l v i n g p a r e n t i n g a p p r o a c h e s . F i f t h , o u r c h i l d r e n n e e d t o s e e a n d t h e l e a r n h o w t o h a n d l e a n g e r a p p r o p r i a t e l y . We c a n m o d e l t h i s f o r t h e m . S i x t h , 1 7 2 w h e n w e b e c o m e a n g r y a n d b l o w i t , m a k i n g a m e n d s m a k e s a d i f f e r e n c e . I n c o n t r a s t , w h e n w e d o n o t a t t e n d t o o u r f e e l i n g s a n g e r a p p e a r s t o o v e r t a k e u s . We l o s e o u r c a p a c i t y t o r e s p o n d w i t h c o m p a s s i o n . B l a m i n g , s t a y i n g e n g a g e d , a n d r e m a i n i n g i n c l o s e p h y s i c a l p r o x i m i t y h i n d e r t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r . We o f t e n f e e l h u r t a n d r e s p o n d i n a p u n i t i v e a n d h u r t f u l m a n n e r . W h e n w e f e e l h u r t , w e s o m e t i m e s f e e l v i n d i c t i v e a n d u n w i l l i n g t o f o r g i v e b u t t h e s e a r e f e e l i n g s w i t h i n t h e c o n t e x t o f a n o r m a l , h e a l t h y r e l a t i o n s h i p a n d s h o u l d n o t b e r e l e g a t e d u n i q u e l y t o d e s c r i p t i o n s o f s t r e s s e d o r a b u s i v e p a r e n t s . We n e e d t o r e c o g n i z e t h e s e f e e l i n g s a n d a c c e p t r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r t h e m . W h e n i n t e n s e , a g g r e s s i v e f e e l i n g s t o w a r d o u r c h i l d p e r s i s t , w e n e e d t o l e t o u r f e e l i n g s i n f o r m u s a n d w e s h o u l d s e e k h e l p . W h e r e , f o r c a r i n g p a r e n t s d o e s a n g e r , f i n d i t s r i g h t f u l p l a c e a n d w h a t d o e s i t s c o n s t r u c t i v e e x p r e s s i o n l o o k l i k e ? C l e a r l y , t h i s s t u d y s u g g e s t s t h a t a n g e r i s a p a r t o f t h e n o r m a t i v e a n d p o s i t i v e m o t h e r - c h i l d r e l a t i o n s h i p . A n g e r , c o n s t r u c t i v e l y u s e d , i n f o r m s u s s o t h a t w e c a n r e s p o n d a s s e r t i v e l y a n d w i t h c a r e . W h e n w e h u r t o u r c h i l d r e n , w e c a n a n d s h o u l d m a k e a m e n d s . 173 R E F E R E N C E S A n d e r s s o n , B . E . , & N i l s s o n , S . G . (1964). S t u d i e s i n r e l i a b i l i t y a n d v a l i d i t y o f t h e c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t t e c h n i q u e . J o u r n a l o f A p p l i e d P s y c h o l o g y , 48. 39 8-403 . A v e r i l l , J . (1982). A n g e r a n d a g g r e s s i o n : A n e s s a y o n e m o t i o n . N e w Y o r k : S p r i n g e r - V e r l a g . A v e r i l l , J . (1993) . P u t t i n g t h e s o c i a l i n s o c i a l c o g n i t i o n , w i t h s p e c i a l r e f e r e n c e t o e m o t i o n . I n R . W y e r & T . S r u l l ( E d s . ) , P e r s p e c t i v e s o n e m o t i o n ( p p . 47-56). H i l l s d a y , N J : L a w r e n c e ' E r l b a u m . A z a r , S . , R o b i n s o n , D . , H e k i m a n , E . , & T w e n t y m a n , C . (19 84). U n r e a l i s t i c e x p e c t a t i o n s a n d p r o b l e m s o l v i n g a b i l i t y i n m a l t r e a t i n g a n d c o m p a r i s o n m o t h e r s . J o u r n a l o f C o n s u l t i n g a n d C l i n i c a l P s y c h o l o g y . 52, 687-691. B a c h , G . , & G o l d b e r g , H . (1974). C r e a t i v e a g g r e s s i o n : T h e a r t o f a s s e r t i v e l i v i n g . N e w Y o r k : S i g n e t . B a n d u r a , A . (1973). A g g r e s s i o n : A s o c i a l l e a r n i n g a n a l y s i s . E n g l e w o o d C l i f f s , N . J . : P r e n t i c e - H a l l . B e r k o w i t z , L . (1993) . T o w a r d s a g e n e r a l t h e o r y o f a n g e r a n d e m o t i o n a l a g g r e s s i o n : I m p l i c a t i o n s o f c o g n i t i v e - n e o a s s o c i a t i o n i s t i c p e r s p e c t i v e f o r t h e a n a l y s i s o f a n g e r a n d o t h e r e m o t i o n s . I n R . W y e r & T . S r u l l ( E d s . ) , P e r s p e c t i v e s o n e m o t i o n ( p p . 1-46). H i l l s d a y , N J : L a w r e n c e E r l b a u m . B e r n a d e z , T . (1988). Women a n d a n g e r : C u l t u r a l p r o h i b i t i o n s a n d t h e f e m i n i n e i d e a l . N e w E n g l a n d , M A : W e l l e s l e y C o l l e g e . B o y c h u k , R . (1985) . A c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t s s t u d y o f s e l f e s t e e m . U n p u b l i s h e d m a s t e r ' s t h e s i s , U n i v e r s i t y o f B r i t i s h C o l u m b i a , V a n c o u v e r , B . C . B o w l b y , J . (1988). A s e c u r e b a s e . N e w Y o r k : B a s i c B o o k s . B r a d s h a w , J . (1992). C r e a t i n g l o v e : T h e n e x t s t a g e o f g r o w t h . N e w Y o r k : B a n t a m . 174 B r i g g s , J . L . (1970) . N e v e r i n a n g e r . C a m b r i d g e , M A : H a r v a r d U n i v e r s i t y P r e s s . B r o u g h t o n , B . (1984). C o n d i t i o n s t h a t h e l p o r h i n d e r s u c c e s s f u l a d j u s t m e n t a f t e r m o v i n g . U n p u b l i s h e d m a s t e r ' s t h e s i s , U n i v e r s i t y o f B r i t i s h C o l u m b i a , V a n c o u v e r , B . C . C a t a l d o , C . (1987). P a r e n t e d u c a t i o n f o r e a r l y c h i l d h o o d . N e w Y o r k : T e a c h e r s C o l l e g e , C o l u m b i a U n i v e r s i t y . C l o r e , G . , O r t o n y , A . , D i e n e s , B . , & F u j i t a , F . (1993) . W h e r e d o e s a n g e r d w e l l ? I n R . W y e r & T . S r u l l ( E d s . ) , P e r s p e c t i v e s o n e m o t i o n ( p p . 57-88). H i l l s d a y , N J : L a w r e n c e E r l b a u m . C o c h r a n , M . S . K . (1985). T h e f a c i l i t a t i o n a n d h i n d r a n c e o f s c h o l a r l y a c t i v i t y a s r e p o r t e d b v t h e U . B . C . E d u c a t i o n f a c u l t y m e m b e r s . U n p u b l i s h e d d o c t o r a l d i s s e r t a t i o n . U n i v e r s i t y o f B r i t i s h C o l u m b i a , V a n c o u v e r , B . C . C o l o r o s o , B . (1994). K i d s a r e w o r t h i t : G i v i n g v o u r c h i l d t h e g i f t o f i n n e r d i s c i p l i n e . T o r o n t o : S o m e r v i l l e H o u s e . C o v e l l , K . , & A b r a m o v i t c h , R . (1987). U n d e r s t a n d i n g e m o t i o n i n f a m i l y : C h i l d r e n ' s a n d p a r e n t s ' a t t r i b u t i o n s o f h a p p i n e s s , s a d n e s s , a n d a n g e r . C h i l d D e v e l o p m e n t . 58, 985-991. C o v e l l , K . , & A b r a m o v i t c h , R . (1988). C h i l d r e n ' s u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f m a t e r n a l a n g e r : A g e a n d s o u r c e o f a n g e r d i f f e r e n c e s . M e r i l l - P a l m e r Q u a r t e r l y , 34., 353-369 . C o v e l l , K . , & M i l e s , B . (1992). C h i l d r e n ' s b e l i e f s a b o u t s t r a t e g i e s t o r e d u c e p a r e n t a l a n g e r . C h i l d D e v e l o p m e n t , 63. 381-390. C o w a r d , R . (1992). O u r t r e a c h e r o u s h e a r t s . L o n d o n : F a b e r a n d F a b e r . C r o c k e n b e r g , S . (19 87) . P r e d i c t o r s a n d c o r r e l a t e s o f a n g e r t o w a r d a n d p u n i t i v e c o n t r o l o f t o d d l e r s b y a d o l e s c e n t m o t h e r s . C h i l d D e v e l o p m e n t , 58, 964-975. C u m m i n g s , E . M . (1987). C o p i n g w i t h b a c k g r o u n d a n g e r i n e a r l y c h i l d h o o d . C h i l d D e v e l o p m e n t , 58, 976-984. 175 C u m m i n g s , E . , Z a h n - W a x l e r , C , & R a d k e - Y a r r o w , M . (1981). Y o u n g c h i l d r e n ' s r e s p o n s e s t o e x p r e s s i o n s o f a n g e r a n d a f f e c t i o n b y o t h e r s i n t h e f a m i l y . C h i l d D e v e l o p m e n t . 52, 1274-1282. C u m m i n g s , E . , V o g e l , D . , C u m m i n g s , J . , & E l - S h e i k h , M . (1989). C h i l d r e n ' s r e s p o n s e s t o d i f f e r e n t f o r m s o f e x p r e s s i o n o f a n g e r b e t w e e n a d u l t s . C h i l d D e v e l o p m e n t . 60. 1394-1404. C u m m i n g s , E . , C u m m i n g s , J . , & E l - S h e i k h , M . (1989, A p r i l ) . C h i l d r e n ' s c o p i n g w i t h p a r e n t s ' a n g r y b e h a v i o u r . P a p e r p r e s e n t e d a t t h e B i e n n i a l M e e t i n g o f t h e S o c i e t y f o r R e s e a r c h i n C h i l d D e v e l o p m e n t , K a n s a s C i t y , O H . C u m m i n g s , E . , & D a v i e s , P . (1994). C h i l d r e n a n d M a r i t a l C o n f l i c t . N e w Y o r k : G u i l d f o r d P r e s s . D e m b o , M . , S w e i t z e r , M . , & L a u r i t z e n , P . (1985). A n e v a l u a t i o n o f g r o u p p a r e n t e d u c a t i o n : b e h a v i o r a l , P E T , a n d A d l e r i a n P r o g r a m s . R e v i e w o f E d u c a t i o n a l R e s e a r c h , 55, 155-200. D e n h a m , S . , R e n w i c k - D e b a r d i , S . , & H e w e s , S . (1994). E m o t i o n a l c o m m u n i c a t i o n b e t w e e n m o t h e r s a n d p r e s c h o o l e r s : R e l a t i o n s w i t h e m o t i o n a l c o m p e t e n c e . M e r r i l l - P a l m e r Q u a r t e r l y . 40, 488-508. D e n t a n , R . (1979) . T h e S e m a i : A n o n v i o l e n t p e o p l e o f M a l a v a . N e w Y o r k : H o l t , R i n e h a r t , & W i n s t o n . D i n k m e y e r , D . , & M c K a y , G . (1976). S y s t e m a t i c t r a i n i n g f o r e f f e c t i v e p a r e n t i n g . C i r c l e P i n e s , M N : A m e r i c a n G u i d a n c e S e r v i c e , 1976. D i x , T . , R u b l e , D . , & Z a m b a r a n o , R . (1989). M o t h e r s ' i m p l i c i t t h e o r i e s o f d i s c i p l i n e : C h i l d e f f e c t s , a n d t h e a t t r i b u t i o n p r o c e s s . C h i l d D e v e l o p m e n t , 60, 1373-1391. D i x , T . , R e i n h o l d , D . , & Z a m b a r a n o , R . (1990). M o t h e r s ' j u d g m e n t i n m o m e n t s o f a n g e r . M e r i l l -P a l m e r Q u a r t e r l y , 36, 465-485. D o b s o n , J . (1970). D a r e t o d i s c i p l i n e . W h e a t o n , I L : T y n d a l e H o u s e . D o b s o n , I L : J . (1978) . T h e T y n d a l e H o u s e . s t r o n g - w i l l e d c h i l d . W h e a t o n , 176 D o l l a r d , J . , D o o b , L . , M i l l e r , N . , M o w r e r , 0 . , & S e a r , R . (1936) . F r u s t r a t i o n a n d a g g r e s s i o n . N e w H a v e n : Y a l e U n i v e r s i t y P r e s s . D r e i k u r s , R . , & S o l t z , V . ( 1 9 6 4 ) . C h i l d r e n : T h e c h a l l e n g e . N e w Y o r k : H a w t h o r n . E l - S h e i k h , M . , C u m m i n g s , E . , & G o e t s c h , V . ( 1 9 8 9 ) . C o p i n g w i t h a d u l t s ' a n g r y b e h a v i o u r : b e h a v i o r a l , p h y s i o l o g i c a l , a n d v e r b a l r e s p o n s e s i n p r e s c h o o l e r s . D e v e l o p m e n t a l P s y c h o l o g y , 2 5 , 4 9 0 - 4 9 8 . E i s e n b e r g , N . , & F a b e s , R . ( 1 9 9 4 ) . M o t h e r s ' r e a c t i o n s t o c h i l d r e n ' s n e g a t i v e e m o t i o n s : R e l a t i o n s t o c h i l d r e n ' s t e m p e r a m e n t a n d a n g e r b e h a v i o u r . M e r r i l l - P a l m e r Q u a r t e r l y , 4 0 , 1 3 8 - 1 5 6 . F a b e r , A . , & M a z l i s h , E . ( 1 9 8 0 ) . H o w t o t a l k s o k i d s w i l l l i s t e n & l i s t e n s o k i d s w i l l t a l k . N e w Y o r k : A v o n . F a b e r , A . , & M a z l i s h , E . ( 1 9 8 7 ) . S i b l i n g s w i t h o u t r i v a l r y . N e w Y o r k : A v o n . F e s h b a c k , S . ( 1 9 5 6 ) . T h e c a t h a r s i s h y p o t h e s i s a n d s o m e c o n s e q u e n c e s o f i n t e r a c t i o n w i t h a g g r e s s i o n a n d n e u t r a l p l a y o b j e c t s . J o u r n a l o f P e r s o n a l i t y , 24., 4 4 9 - 4 6 2 . F l a n a g a n , J . ( 1 9 5 4 ) . T h e c r i t i c a l i n c i d e n t s t e c h n i q u e . P y s c h o l o g i c a l B u l l e t i n , 5 1 , 3 2 7 - 3 5 8 . F l a n a g a n , J . ( 1 9 7 8 ) . A r e s e a r c h a p p r o a c h t o i m p r o v i n g o u r q u a l i t y o f l i f e . A m e r i c a n P s y c h o l o g i s t , 33., 1 3 8 - 1 4 7 . G e l f a n d , D . , & T e t i , D . ( 1 9 9 0 ) . T h e e f f e c t s o f m a t e r n a l d e p r e s s i o n o n c h i l d r e n . C l i n i c a l P s y c h o l o g y R e v i e w , 1 0 , 3 2 9 - 3 5 3 . G i l b e r t , R . ( 1 9 9 2 ) . E x t r a o r d i n a r y r e l a t i o n s h i p s : A n e w w a y o f t h i n k i n g a b o u t h u m a n i n t e r a c t i o n s . M i n n e a p o l i s , M N : C h r o n i m e d . G i n o t t , H . (1965) . B e t w e e n p a r e n t a n d c h i l d . N e w Y o r k : A v o n . G o r d o n , T . ( 1 9 7 0 ) . P a r e n t e f f e c t i v e n e s s t r a i n i n g . N e w Y o r k : W y d e n . 177 G o r d o n , T . (1976). P . E . T . i n a c t i o n . N e w Y o r k : W y d e n . G o v o r c h i n , M . (1990). A n i n t r o d u c t i o n t o c o n f l i c t r e s o l u t i o n . ( C o u r s e h a n d o u t a v a i l a b l e f r o m T h e J u s t i c e I n s t i t u t e , 715 M c B r i d e B l v d , N e w W e s t m i n i s t e r , B . C . ) . H a n k i n s , G . (1986). P r e s c r i p t i o n f o r a n g e r : C o p i n g w i t h a n g r y f e e l i n g s a n d a n g r y p e o p l e . B e a v e r t o n , O H : P r i n c e s s . H e r m a n , D . (1985). A s t a t u t o r y p r o p o s a l t o l i m i t t h e i n f l i c t i o n o f v i o l e n c e u p o n c h i l d r e n . F a m i l y L a w Q u a r t e r l y . 19, 1-52. H e u s s e r , C . (1987). P a r e n t a l a n g e r : A n e x a m i n a t i o n o f c o g n i t i v e a n d s i t u a t i o n a l f a c t o r s . U n p u b l i s h e d d o c t o r a l d i s s e r t a t i o n , U n i v e r s i t y o f W a t e r l o o , W a t e r l o o . H o f f m a n , M . (1970). M o r a l d e v e l o p m e n t . I n P . M u s s e n ( E d . ) . C a r m i c h a e l ' s m a n u a l o f c h i l d p s y c h o l o g y . N e w Y o r k : W i l e y P u b l i c a t i o n s . H o k a n s o n , J . (1970). T h e p s y c h o p h y s i o l o g i c a l e v a l u a t i o n o f t h e c a t h a r s i s h y p o t h e s i s . I n E . M e g a g r e e & J . H o k a n s o n ( E d s . ) . T h e d y n a m i c s o f a g g r e s s i o n . N e w Y o r k : H a r p e r & R o w . K e l t i k a n g a s - J a r v i n e n , L . (1990). A t t r i b u t i o n a l s t y l e o f t h e m o t h e r a s a p r e d i c t o r o f a g g r e s s i v e b e h a v i o u r o f t h e c h i l d . A g g r e s s i v e B e h a v i o u r , 16., 1-7. L e a c h , P . (1989). Y o u r b a b y a n d c h i l d ( r e v . e d . ) . N e w Y o r k : A l f r e d K n o p f . L e r n e r , H . (1985). T h e d a n c e o f a n g e r . N e w Y o r k : H a r p e r & R o w . M c K a y , M . , R o g e r s , P . , & M c K a y , J . (1989). W h e n a n g e r h u r t s : Q u i e t i n g t h e s t o r m w i t h i n . O a k l a n d , C A : N e w H a r b i n g e r . M i l l e r , J . , & S u r r e y , J . (1990). R e v i s i g n i n g w o m e n ' s a n g e r : T h e p e r s o n a l a n d t h e g l o b a l . W e l l e s l e y , M A : S t o n e C e n t r e . 178 Monte, C. (1987). Beneath the mask: An introduction to theories of personality (3rd ed.). New York: Holt, Rinehart & Winston. Novoco, R. (1975). Anger control. Lexington, MA: Heath. Novotny, H. (1993). A c r i t i c a l incidents study of d i f f e r e n t i a t i o n . Unpublished master's thesis, University of B r i t i s h Columbia, Vancouver, B.C. Patton, M. (1990). Qualitative evaluation and research methods (2nd ed.). Newbury Park, CA: Sage Publications. Popkin, A. (1987) . Active parenting. San Francisco: Harper & Row. Rogers, C. (1951). C l i e n t - centered therapy. Boston: Houghton M i f f l i n . Richardson, D., Hammock, G., Smith, S., Gardner, W., & Signo, M. (1994) . Empathy as a cognitive i n h i b i t o r of interpersonal aggression. Aggressive Behaviour. 20, 275-289. Samalin, N., & Whitney, N. (1991). Love and anger: The parental dilemma. New York: Penguin. Silberman, M., & Wheelan, A. (1980). How to d i s c i p l i n e without f e e l i n g g u i l t y : Assertive relationships with children. Champaign, IL: Research Press. Speltz, M. (1990). The treatment of preschool conduct problems. In M. Greenberg, D. C i c c h e t t i , E. M. Cummings (Eds.). Attachment i n the preschool years. Chicago: University of Chicago Press. Tavris, C. (1989). Anger: The misunderstood emotion (rev. ed.). New York: Simon & Schuster. Thomas, A., Chess, S., & Birch, H. (1963). Temperament and behaviour disorder i n children. New York: New York University Press. Turecki, S. & Tonner, L. (1989). The d i f f i c u l t c h i l d (rev. ed.). New York: Bantam. 1 7 9 V a n M a n e n , M . ( 1 9 9 0 ) . R e s e a r c h i n g l i v e d e x p e r i e n c e . L o n d o n , O n t a r i o : U n i v e r s i t y o f W e s t e r n O n t a r i o . 1 8 1 A P P E N D I X B I n t e r v i e w P r o t o c o l I . I n t r o d u c t i o n s I I . R e o r i e n t a t i o n t o t h e s t u d y A . P u r p o s e 1 b e l i e v e t h a t b o t h l o v e a n d a n g e r a r e p a r t o f t h e p a r e n t a l e x p e r i e n c e . I am p a r t i c u l a r l y i n t e r e s t e d i n k n o w i n g h o w e a c h o n e o f u s m a k e s s e n s e o f a n g e r i n g e n e r a l l y p o s i t i v e m o t h e r - c h i l d r e l a t i o n s h i p s . I n p a r t i c u l a r , I am i n t e r e s t e d i n w h a t c o n s t r u c t i v e a n g e r l o o k s l i k e . B y c o n s t r u c t i v e a n g e r , I m e a n a t i m e w h e n y o u w e r e r e a l l y a n g r y w i t h y o u r c h i l d , y e t u s e d y o u r a n g e r t o r e s o l v e a n i s s u e e f f e c t i v e l y . B . P r o c e d u r e T o g e t h e r , w e a r e g o i n g t o e x p l o r e w h a t f a c i l i t a t e s a n d w h a t h i n d e r s t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r . We w i l l b e f o c u s i n g o n y o u r r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h y o u r 2 t o 5 - y e a r - o l d . W h a t i s y o u r c h i l d ' s n a m e ? T h e r e w i l l b e t h r e e p a r t s t o t h e i n t e r v i e w : F i r s t , I am g o i n g t o a s k y o u t e l l me t h r e e o r f o u r s t o r i e s o f a n g e r - p r o v o k i n g i n c i d e n t s w h e r e s o m e t h i n g o r s o m e o n e f a c i l i t a t e d t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r . S e c o n d , I am g o i n g t o a s k y o u t o t e l l o f s o m e t i m e s w h e n s o m e o n e o r s o m e t h i n g h i n d e r e d t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r . T h i r d , I am g o i n g t o a s k s o m e d i r e c t q u e s t i o n s t o c h e c k p o i n t s t h a t h a v e c o m e u p i n t h e r e a d i n g I ' v e d o n e . C . C o m p l e t i o n o f t h e C o n s e n t F o r m ( O n e c o p y t o b e g i v e n t o t h e p a r t i c i p a n t ) . D . S t a t e m e n t o f c o n f i d e n t i a l i t y p r o v i s i o n s E . C o m p l e t i o n o f D e m o g r a p h i c Q u e s t i o n n a i r e ( O n e c o p y t o b e g i v e n t o t h e p a r t i c i p a n t ) . 1 8 2 I I I . T h e S t r u c t u r e d I n t e r v i e w A . S o l i c i t a t i o n o f 3-4 c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e s o f a n g e r . T h i s t h e f i r s t p a r t . I w a n t y o u t o t h i n k b a c k t o a n i n c i d e n t b e t w e e n y o u a n d y o u r c h i l d w h e n y o u w e r e a n g r y b u t u s e d y o u r a n g e r c o n s t r u c t i v e l y . W h a t d i d y o u o r s o m e o n e e l s e d o t h a t f a c i l i t a t e d t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f y o u r a n g e r ? T a k e s o m e t i m e t o g e t t h e i n c i d e n t c l e a r l y i n y o u r m i n d . H e l p me t o s e e t h e i n c i d e n t . T e l l me w h a t y o u s a i d , w h a t y o u w e r e t h i n k i n g , w h a t y o u f e l t , w h a t y o u d i d . W h a t l e d u p t o t h e i n c i d e n t ? W h a t a c t u a l l y h a p p e n e d ? W h a t w a s t h e r e s u l t ? G i v e me a s e n s e o f t h e f e e l i n g t o n e a t t h e e n d o f t h e i n c i d e n t . L e t me s e e i f I r e a l l y h a v e i t . S o , w h a t f a c i l i t a t e d t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f y o u r a n g e r w a s P o s s i b l e q u e s t i o n s : - W h a t h a p p e n e d ? - W h a t t r i g g e r e d y o u r a n g e r ? - H o w a n g r y w e r e y o u ? a n n o y e d ? i r r i t a t e d ? a n g r y ? f u r i o u s ? e n r a g e d ? - W h a t l e t s y o u k n o w t h a t y o u a r e a n g r y ? - W h a t w e r e y o u t h i n k i n g a t t h e t i m e ? - W h a t w e r e y o u r f e e l i n g s ? - H o w d i d y o u r c h i l d r e a c t ? - H o w d i d y o u r e s o l v e t h e i s s u e ? - H o w d i d t h e e p i s o d e e n d ? B . S o l i c i t a t i o n o f s t o r i e s d e s c r i b i n g a n g e r u s e d l e s s c o n s t r u c t i v e l y . I n t h e s e c o n d p a r t o f o u r t i m e t o g e t h e r , I w o u l d l i k e u s t o e x p l o r e t o g e t h e r w h a t h i n d e r s t h e c o n s t r u c t i v e u s e o f a n g e r . A s b e f o r e , d e s c r i b e a n i n c i d e n t s o t h a t I c a n s e e i t . W h a t l e d u p t o i t ? W h a t a c t u a l l y h a p p e n e d ? H o w d i d i t t u r n o u t ? L e t me s u m m a r i z e . C o r r e c t me i f I d o n ' t q u i t e h a v e i t . I n y o u r o w n w o r d s , w h a t w o u l d y o u s a y h i n d e r e d y o u i n u s i n g y o u r a n g e r c o n s t r u c t i v e l y ? 1 8 3 C . S t r u c t u r e d q u e s t i o n s . S h o r t a n s w e r s . I n t h e t h i r d p a r t , I w o u l d l i k e y o u t o r e s p o n d b r i e f l y t o s o m e q u e s t i o n s . T h e s e a r e q u e s t i o n s t h a t h a v e c o m e o u t o f t h e l i t e r a t u r e o n a n g e r a n d a n g e r i n t h e m o t h e r - c h i l d r e l a t i o n s h i p . 1 . W h e r e d o e s a n g e r f i t i n t o y o u r r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h y o u r c h i l d ? 2 . W h e n y o u a r e a n g r y , h o w i m p o r t a n t i s r e m a i n i n g c a l m o r i n c o n t r o l o f y o u r e m o t i o n s t o a c o n s t r u c t i v e r e s o l u t i o n ? 3 . D o e s t h e m o o d y o u a r e i n m a k e a d i f f e r e n c e i n h o w y o u u s e y o u r a n g e r ? 4 . W h a t i s m o r e d i f f i c u l t f o r y o u , d i r e c t r e f u s a l f r o m y o u r c h i l d o r a n u n c l e a r r e f u s a l , f o r i n s t a n c e , t h e c h i l d w a l k i n g o u t o f t h e r o o m w i t h o u t r e s p o n d i n g t o y o u r r e q u e s t ? 5 . D o e s i t m a k e a d i f f e r e n c e t o y o u i f y o u j u d g e y o u r c h i l d k n e w t h e r u l e , b u t d e l i b e r a t e l y b r o k e i t ? A n e x a m p l e , y o u r c h i l d e a t s t h e c u p c a k e s t h a t h e o r s h e k n e w w e r e f o r t h e f a m i l y p i c n i c . 6 . M a n y p e o p l e s u g g e s t t h a t p a r e n t t r a i n i n g m a k e s f o r m o r e i n t e n t i o n a l a n d t h e r e f o r e m o r e c o n s t r u c t i v e p a r e n t i n g . W h a t d o y o u t h i n k ? T o w h a t e x t e n t h a v e a n y p a r e n t i n g c o u r s e s o r b o o k s o n p a r e n t i n g i n f l u e n c e d h o w y o u m a n a g e y o u r a n g e r ? 7 . O t h e r s s u g g e s t t h a t c o n s t r u c t i v e a n g e r o c c u r s m o r e f r e q u e n t l y w h e n w e h a v e a s u p p o r t n e t w o r k , s o m e o n e w i t h w h o m w e c a n s h a r e a n d c o m p a r e o u r e x p e r i e n c e s . T o w h a t e x t e n t a r e y o u a b l e t o t a l k t o o t h e r s a b o u t y o u r p a r e n t i n g e x p e r i e n c e s , p o s i t i v e a n d m o r e d i f f i c u l t ? D o e s y o u r s u p p o r t n e t w o r k c o n s i s t o f f a m i l y / f r i e n d s ? H o w o f t e n d o y o u t a l k w i t h t h e m a n d s e e k s u p p o r t ? 8 . H a r r i e t G o l d h o r - L e r n e r t a l k s a b o u t a n g e r a n d w o m e n . S h e b e l i e v e s t h a t w e a r e i n f l u e n c e d b y t h e t h i n g s w h i c h w e l e a r n e d a b o u t a n g e r a s w e w e r e g r o w i n g u p , p a r t i c u l a r l y , i n o u r f a m i l y . W h a t s t a t e m e n t s w e r e t r u e i n y o u r f a m i l y ? W h a t d i d y o u r m o t h e r s a y a b o u t a n g e r ? W h a t d i d s h e d o a b o u t a n g e r ? W h a t d i d y o u r f a t h e r s a y a b o u t a n g e r ? W h a t d i d h e d o a b o u t a n g e r ? I n w h a t w a y s 1 8 4 a r e y o u t h e s a m e a n d i n w h a t w a y s a r e y o u d i f f e r e n t f r o m y o u r p a r e n t s ? 9 . H o w i m p o r t a n t i s y o u r o w n a w a r e n e s s o f y o u r s e l f a s a p e r s o n a n d a s a m o t h e r i n u n d e r s t a n d i n g a n g e r i n y o u r r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h y o u r c h i l d ? 1 0 . H o w d o e s p l a y f i g u r e i n y o u r r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h y o u r c h i l d ? I s a n y o f t h i s p l a y d i r e c t e d b y t h e c h i l d ? 1 1 . O f t h e b o o k s , c o u r s e s , a n d p e o p l e t h a t y o u h a v e m e n t i o n e d , w h a t w a s t h e m o s t i n f l u e n t i a l f o r c e s h a p i n g y o u r u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f a n g e r , p a r t i c u l a r l y c o n s t r u c t i v e a n g e r ? 1 2 . O n e a u t h o r t e l l s h o w a l o t o f g o o d c o m e s f r o m r e s o l v i n g a n g e r i n t h e p r e s e n c e o f o u r c h i l d a n d t h a t t h i s e n a b l e s t h e c h i l d t o p u t t h e e x p e r i e n c e b e h i n d h i m o r h e r . T o w h a t d e g r e e i s r e s o l u t i o n i m p o r t a n t t o y o u a n d y o u r c h i l d ? W h a t d o e s i t l o o k l i k e ? 1 3 . D o y o u h a v e a n y f u r t h e r t h o u g h t s o n w h a t w e h a v e b e e n t a l k i n g a b o u t ? T h a n k y o u a n d c l o s u r e . 1 8 6 A P P E N D I X D D e m o g r a p h i c Q u e s t i o n n a i r e N a m e : A d d r e s s : P h o n e : N u m b e r : . /2 1 8 7 D e m o g r a p h i c Q u e s t i o n n a i r e N u m b e r : N u m b e r o f c h i l d r e n : N a t u r a l , a d o p t e d o r s t e p c h i l d r e n : A g e s o f c h i l d r e n : M a r i t a l s t a t u s : O c c u p a t i o n : S p o u s e ' s / P a r t n e r ' s O c c u p a t i o n : N a t i o n a l i t y : N u m b e r o r y e a r s t h a t y o u h a v e r e s i d e d i n C a n a d a : E t h n i c B a c k g r o u n d : B i r t h d a t e : H i g h e s t L e v e l o f E d u c a t i o n : S p e c i a l T r a i n i n g : L i s t a n y p a r e n t i n g c o u r s e s t h a t y o u h a v e t a k e n : H a s y o u r c h i l d a t t e n d e d a n y g r o u p p r o g r a m ( P r e s c h o o l , D r o p - i n P r o g r a m , C o m m u n i t y C e n t r e P r o g r a m m e ) ? I f y e s , f o r h o w l o n g ? H o w m a n y t i m e s a w e e k ? 

Cite

Citation Scheme:

        

Citations by CSL (citeproc-js)

Usage Statistics

Share

Embed

Customize your widget with the following options, then copy and paste the code below into the HTML of your page to embed this item in your website.
                        
                            <div id="ubcOpenCollectionsWidgetDisplay">
                            <script id="ubcOpenCollectionsWidget"
                            src="{[{embed.src}]}"
                            data-item="{[{embed.item}]}"
                            data-collection="{[{embed.collection}]}"
                            data-metadata="{[{embed.showMetadata}]}"
                            data-width="{[{embed.width}]}"
                            async >
                            </script>
                            </div>
                        
                    
IIIF logo Our image viewer uses the IIIF 2.0 standard. To load this item in other compatible viewers, use this url:
http://iiif.library.ubc.ca/presentation/dsp.831.1-0054127/manifest

Comment

Related Items