Open Collections

UBC Theses and Dissertations

UBC Theses Logo

UBC Theses and Dissertations

Walking with the bereaved : a phenomenological investigation of the experience of the companion in grief Bell, Kerry Macfarlane 1990

You don't seem to have a PDF reader installed, try download the pdf

Item Metadata

Download

Media
UBC_1990_A8 B39.pdf [ 5.34MB ]
Metadata
JSON: 1.0053689.json
JSON-LD: 1.0053689+ld.json
RDF/XML (Pretty): 1.0053689.xml
RDF/JSON: 1.0053689+rdf.json
Turtle: 1.0053689+rdf-turtle.txt
N-Triples: 1.0053689+rdf-ntriples.txt
Original Record: 1.0053689 +original-record.json
Full Text
1.0053689.txt
Citation
1.0053689.ris

Full Text

WALKING WITH THE BEREAVED: A PHENOMENOLOGICAL INVESTIGATION OF THE EXPERIENCE OF THE COMPANION IN GRIEF  by  KERRY MACFARLANE BELL B.S.R., U n i v e r s i t y o f B r i t i s h Columbia, 1973  A THESIS SUBMITTED IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF MASTER OF ARTS  in THE FACULTY OF GRADUATE STUDIES (Department o f C o u n s e l l i n g  Psychology)  We a c c e p t t h i s t h e s i s as conforming to  the r e q u i r e d s t a n d a r d  THE UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA September, 1990 f c j K e r r y M a c f a r l a n e B e l l , 1990  f T  In  presenting  degree  this thesis in partial fulfilment of  the  requirements  for  an  advanced  at the University of British Columbia, I agree that the Library shall make it  freely available for reference and study. I further agree that permission for copying  of this thesis for scholarly  department  or  by  his  or  her  purposes  may be granted by the head of  representatives.  It  is  understood  that  publication of this thesis for financial gain shall not be allowed without permission.  Department of  C o u n s e l i n g Psychology  The University of British Columbia Vancouver, Canada  D  a  t  e  DE-6 (2/88)  Rppl-pmy^r  . iqqn  extensive  copying  my or  my written  -iiABSTRACT This what  research  study  sought  i s the meaning of the e x p e r i e n c e  g r i e v i n g person? phenomenological  method o f r e s e a r c h .  experience  study  included  on t h e b a s i s  that  detailed descriptions  meaning u n i t s  structure  so  a n d common  themes were woven  description,  the  protocol  that  of the  of t h e i r  e x p e r i e n c e , w h i c h were  and the t r a n s c r i p t s o r A  a n a l y s i s was u s e d  to extract  themes f r o m t h e t h r e e  i n t o an i n t e g r a t e d  protocols.  narrative  into the e s s e n t i a l  o r meaning of the e x p e r i e n c e . the researcher  through  I n t e r v i e w e d and asked t o  w h i c h was c o n d e n s e d  analysis,  was  who were  the l o s s of her c h i l d  were a n a l y z e d by t h e r e s e a r c h e r .  Phenomenological  a  t h e y h a d e a c h been a companion  t a p e r e c o r d e d and t r a n s c r i b e d ,  The  co-researchers,  The c o - r e s e a r c h e r s were  protocols  The r e s e a r c h e r  to a  meanings.  three  t o a mother who h a d g r i e v e d death.  through u s i n g  i n c r e a t i n g a common s t o r y  and i t s s t r u c t u r a l  This selected  form  t o the q u e s t i o n ;  o f t h e companion  T h i s was a c c o m p l i s h e d  g u i d e d by d r a m a t i c  give  to respond  At e a c h s t a g e o f  and c o - r e s e a r c h e r s  cooperated  a l l t h e r e s u l t s were v a l i d a t e d by t h e f i n a l  i n t e r v i ew. The  r e s u l t s of the study  twenty-four  themes, a n a r r a t i v e  experience being which p r e s e n t e d as  possible.  included  investigated,  a l i s t of  description  of the  and the e s s e n t i a l  the meaning o f the e x p e r i e n c e  I t was p o s i t e d  as c o n c i s e l y  i n the d i s c u s s i o n  study had p a r t i c u l a r i m p l i c a t i o n s  structure,  for practice.  that the  -iii-  TABLE OF  CONTENTS  page ABSTRACT  i i  TABLE OF CONTENTS  i i i  CHAPTER I INTRODUCTION Personal  1  Explication  of Assumptions  7  CHAPTER I I LITERATURE REVIEW  10  Significance  13  Theoretical  o f t h e Companion Assumptions  37  R o l e o f t h e Companion Assumptions  40  o f t h e Companion's R o l e  in Grief...  58  CHAPTER I I I METHOD  60  Rationale  60  O v e r v i e w o f R e s e a r c h Method  61  Co-Researchers  63  Procedures  67  Analysis Writing Issues  and I n t e r p r e t a t i o n a Description  of P r o t o c o l s  75 83 86  -ivCHAPTER IV RESULTS  89  Summary o f C o - R e s e a r c h e r s ' E x p e r i e n c e s  89  C l u s t e r s o f Themes  94  Descriptions  96  Narrative The  o f t h e Themes  Description  Essential  128  Structure  142  CHAPTER V DISCUSSION  150  Qualifications  154  Theoretical  158  Practical  Implications  Implications Conclusions BIBLIOGRAPHY  Implications  f o r Further  161 Research  166 167 170  -1-  CHAPTER 1 INTRODUCTION What  i s the e x p e r i e n c e  g r i e v i n g person? study  The  of  t h e companion  intention  i s t o g a i n a deeper  of  the m u l t i d i m e n s i o n a l  experience  of  the  this research  understanding  meaning of  companion  to a  of  the  a s p e c t s of  the  in g r i e f  as  it is  1ived. For  the purpose  o f f e r s her presence  of and  this  support  g r i e v i n g person  i s addressed  of  The  /  companion . /  l o s s of a  d e v a s t a t i n g and essentially journey  bereaved  since from  a person  this  on  cannot  them they  the s e l e c t e d  be,  one  a journey.  t o be  what  i s that  a bad  to o f f e r  into  t h e unknown.  need a c o m p a n i o n .  is the  What this t o them,  dream.  need and  comfort  the  and  happening  seek  the  F o r most,  of p a i n .  they  title  grieving  i n t o unknown  desire  who  another  l o s s of a c h i l d ,  one,  t u r n out  the person  is grieving  t h i n g s h o u l d not be  t h o s e who  walk w i t h  by  who  unfathomed depths  i t should  comfort,  untimely  p a r e n t s most  unforeseen  to  particularly  is a fearful  previously  that  person  l o v e d one,  study,  But  desire  i s someone  To r e c e i v e I t i s the  role  to  -2-  and  experience  researcher stories their  o f t h e companion  seeks  In g r i e f  t o e x p l o r e by l i s t e n i n g  through  each  o f whom h a d l o s t  a child  death.  Exploring  t h e word  insight  person  who a c c o m p a n i e s t h e b e r e a v e d  journey  into  'companion'' o f f e r s  deeper  of g r i e f .  includes "Person  the r o l e  The P o c k e t  in i t sdefinition  Fowler,  with  on t h e i r  Oxford  Dictionary  o f t h e word  one on a j o u r n e y  1973, p . 1 6 1 ) .  time,  companion, comrade,  "(Fowler &  To be a companion i n  one w a l k s a l o n g s i d e , l i s t e n i n g ,  present, watchful, available, sitting  a  and e x p e r i e n c e o f the  w i t h whom one s p e n d s much  mate, p e r s o n  away.  t o the  o f t h r e e women who became c o m p a n i o n s t o  three friends,  grief,  that the  sometimes  being just  empty h a n d e d when s h e w o u l d r a t h e r r u n T h o s e who become c o m p a n i o n s t o b e r e a v e d  parents,  like  t h o s e who a r e c o m p a n i o n s  t o the  dying, must at  enter  least  their  darkness,  p a r t way a l o n g t h e i r  frightening compassion: another,  into  road.  them  lonely and  T h i s i s the meaning of  to enter  t o share  go w i t h  into  the s u f f e r i n g of  i n some s m a l l way i n t h e i r  -3-  paln,  c o n f u s i o n and  1988,  p.  (Cassldy,  5).  In our p r e s e n t - d a y experiential1y t h e r e a r e few friend  desolation  c u l t u r e which has  i g n o r a n t about  d y i n g and  r o l e models f o r the  o r companion  in g r i e f .  become  grief,  compassionate  Although  people  have been e x p e r i e n c i n g l o s s f o r t h o u s a n d s years,  grief  and b e r e a v e m e n t have  been w o r k e d out religious and  and  community  and  s t r u c t u r e s of  networks.  t h e age  have b r o u g h t  and  and  about  an  family  and  t o the bereaved  often  feel  expected  church  society, secularization  increasing the sense  s h a r e d v a l u e s they p r o v i d e .  f r i e n d s and support  family,  the  breakdown o f t h e s e s t r u c t u r e s and community  the s u p p o r t i v e  In t o d a y ' s  however, e x c e s s i v e m o b i l i t y of  traditionally  resolved within  social  of  are a v a i l a b l e  When  to o f f e r  in their  of  comfort  grief,  they  c o n f u s e d and u n c l e a r a s t o what may  o f them, and  the needs of t h e i r a resource or guide g r i e v i n g persons these c u l t u r a l  ill-equipped  bereaved to equip  friend.  By  The  companions  i s more p r e s s i n g  changes.  to respond  and m e a n i n g o f t h e e x p e r i e n c e ,  to  need f o r to  in light  s t u d y i n g the  be  of  nature  i t s problems,  -4-  pltfalls better  and r e w a r d s , p r o f e s s i o n a l s w i l l  position  to guide  g r i e v i n g persons The s e a r c h  and t r a i n  f o r the meaning  i s accomplished  experience.  of  lived  companions t o  <or  essential  o f t h e companion i n  by s t u d y i n g human  One method  the e x p e r i e n c e  In a  i n the f u t u r e .  s t r u c t u r e ) of the e x p e r i e n c e grief  be  suitable  for investigating  o f t h e companion w i t h i n t h e c o n t e x t  experience  i s phenomenology.  The  phenomenological  researcher  i n t e r v i e w s those  who  have e x p e r i e n c e d  t h e phenomenon u n d e r s t u d y ,  and  through  careful  account  of the e x p e r i e n c e  individual description  analysis constructs a  description. i s then  which This  with  i s t r u e to each  narrative  condensed to i t s e s s e n t i a l  s t r u c t u r e , which p r e s e n t s experience  descriptive  as i t i s l i v e d .  the meaning of the By c o n d u c t i n g  a  t h e aim o f c a p t u r i n g t h e raw e x p e r i e n c e  l a y p e r s o n s who  and d o i n g s o w i t h i n t h e c o n t e x t o f  dramatic  form so as t o c a p t u r e  that  of  have become c o m p a n i o n s t o g r i e v i n g  persons,  and  study  the d r a m a t i c  t h e n u a n c e s o f t h e phenomenon, the r e s u l t s  of t h i s study  the c o r e of the e x p e r i e n c e  will  being  power  i t i s hoped penetrate  investigated.  to  -5-  The over  body o f g r i e f  the past  literature  twenty y e a r s  has expanded  to cover  formerly  n e g l e c t e d a s p e c t s of the l o s s  and g r i e f  e x p e r i e n c e . While  body o f g r i e f  literature very  the p r e s e n t  i s a growing resource,  little  which d i r e c t l y  there  is still  addresses the  phenomenon o f t h e companion  in g r i e f .  There  is a  need f o r w r i t t e n r e s o u r c e s r e f l e c t i n g t h e knowledge g a i n e d  from  the experience  l i v e d by l a y p e r s o n s , w i t h o u t clearly  devolped  facilitating evident of  the opening  chapter  significance i s a review  o f t h e companion  a bereaved  of t h i s  i s often  process person  significance  the b e r e a v e d  to the o b j e c t i v e s  their  of the r o l e  which  participatory  t o the bereaved  through  The  of the l i t e r a t u r e  of the person  i s clearly  study, the  of the study.  t h e phenomenon o f t h e  experiential  The  about  p r o c e s s , which  i n t r o d u c e s the reader  chapter  addresses grief  assumptions  counseling.  the o v e r a l l  second  the i n t e r f e r e n c e of  i n t h e work o f p r o f e s s i o n a l s i n t h e f i e l d  researcher and  the g r i e f  bereavement In  prior  a s i t was  and the  who  grieving  accompanies process.  o f t h e companion t o  e s t a b l i s h e d by c o n s e n s u s  -6-  ln  the l i t e r a t u r e  t o d a t e . The q u e s t i o n s o f what  constitute  the q u a l i t i e s  companion,  a n d t h e components o f t h e c o m p a n i o n ' s  experience  in f a c i l i t a t i n g  addressed to  o r common  the g r i e f  v a r y i n g degrees.  been s e l e c t e d  The t h i r d  chapter  theorists  outlines  r e s e a r c h , which  a s t h e most a p p r o p r i a t e r e s e a r c h  method t o g a i n an u n d e r s t a n d i n g experience  process are  i n t h e work o f t h e m a j o r g r i e f  t h e methods o f p h e n o m e n o l o g i c a l has  f e a t u r e s of the  as l i v e d .  o f human  A rationale  i s presented  w h i c h u n d e r l i n e s t h a t t h e e x p l a n a t o r y methods o f empirical  psychology,  laws o f c a u s a l i t y to  concerned  are with  a n d measurement, a r e i n a d q u a t e  the task of understanding  human e x p e r i e n c e a n d  the q u a l i t i e s  inherent  participating  i n the experience  investigated.  as they  i n the i n d i v i d u a l s  The a n a l y s i s  being  f o l l o w s the  d e s c r i p t i v e methods o u t l i n e d by G i o r g l  i n Duguesne  Studies  II ( G i o r g l ,  1975)  i n Phenomenoloalcal  a n d by C o l a i z z i  in  Existential-Phenomenological PsvchologvCColaizzi. Grief:  Alternatives for  1978) a n d The M e a n i n g o f  A Dramaturgical  Emot i o n ( C o c h r a n  Psychology  Approach  & Claspell,  to Understanding  1987).  Issues  -7-  arising  from  the  s e l e c t e d methodology  d i s c u s s e d . The  fourth chapter  the r e s u l t s  the s t u d y ;  of  s t r u c t u r e of  and  chapter  final  Included  to  the  description  overview  of what  and  the  the  theoretical  implications,  and  the  and  implications  of  the  fifth  results.  the study  the p o s s i b l e q u a l i f i c a t i o n s which  study,  of  list  t h e e x p e r i e n c e . The  i s a d i s c u s s i o n of  is a brief  produced,  i s a desciption  i t i n c l u d e s the  common themes, t h e n a r r a t i v e essential  are  has  apply  practical for  further  research. Researcher's In method,  Personal  accordance  with  phenomenon b e i n g  it  thoughts,  then  that  of  Assumptions  phenomenological own  assumptions e x p l i c i t  investigated.  about  By m a k i n g h e r  e x p e c t a t i o n s , and  beliefs  p r e s e n t e d by the  can  see  t h e phenomenon  the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s  i n the  i n t e r f e r e n c e of b i a s .  how  been p o s e d by  preformu1ated the  so  as study,  also  q u e s t i o n s which  r e s e a r c h e r at  own  This process  making background e x p e c t a n c i e s e x p l i c i t clarifies  the  known,  becomes p o s s i b l e t o s u s p e n d Judgement  the r e a d e r  without  the  t h e r e s e a r c h e r makes h e r  p r e s u p p o s i t i o n s and  prior  Explication  the end  of  have the  of  -8-  co-researchers' been d e r i v e d . upon  d e s c r i p t i o n s of e x p e r i e n c e , This process  the  researcher  co-researchers  has  attempted  g r i e v i n g persons.  The  personal  experience  starting  point  regarding both who  the  process  experience.  of  the  initial  have s h a r e d  what  and  the  literature  about  additional  sources  the  first  assumptions  lay  of  the  assumption  the  in g r i e f  experience  vulnerable bereaved person.  and  1ong-1asting,  question  the  experience  i s intense  than  withdrawn  distress  the  bereaved longer  and  societal  is  requires  already  i s that  to  experience.  about  further pain  regarding  their  of  w h i c h have c o n t r i b u t e d  causing  companion  from  reading  t h a t once made, c a n n o t be  the p r o c e s s ,  others,  companions  learned  without  assumption  with  phenomenon, have been  b e c o m i n g a companion  commitment,  l e a r n i n g through  Dialogue  have  to  existential  researcher's  expectations  The  they  the  a companion  p r o f e s s i o n a l c a r e g i v e r s and  initial  elaborated  in t h i s study,  t o be  provides  f o r the  experience,  that  be  3.  in Chapter Like  will  have  The  about  to  an  second length  shared  by  of the  and expectations  -9-  set  forth.  qualities facilitate and  Thirdly, inherent  particular  i n the companion w h i c h  the g r i e v i n g  a primary  empathy.  there are  process  attribute  of  the  will  bereaved,  i s the c a p a c i t y f o r  F o u r t h l y , there are  particular  components t o t h e e x p e r i e n c e w h i c h c o r r e s p o n d the b e g i n n i n g , m i d d l e , experience of  of  the bereaved.  t h e companion,  experience exceed  and  of  And  the  r e w a r d s and  nature  of  the  grieving  finally,  though demanding,  t h a t has  the c o s t l y  end  to  the  i s an  b e n e f i t s which commitment.  role  - 1 0 -  CHAPTER 2 LITERATURE REVIEW In t h i s chapter, v a r i o u s aspects of the experience of the companion to the bereaved, as presented  i n the works of the major g r i e f  theorists  and i n c u r r e n t r e s e a r c h s t u d i e s , are  reviewed.  The purpose of t h i s l i t e r a t u r e  is f i r s t l y ,  to e s t a b l i s h  the s i g n i f i c a n c e  companion to the bereaved Secondly,  the intent  companion  i n accordance  the bereaved Inherent  review of the  i n the l i t e r a t u r e .  i s to explore the r o l e of the with needs assessments of  i n f a c i l i t a t i n g the g r i e f  process.  in t h i s e x p l o r a t i o n of the r o l e of the  companion i s the need to review how components of the companion's experience  i n f a c i l i t a t i n g the  g r i e v e r ' s journey towards h e a l t h y r e s o l u t i o n of the g r i e f p r o c e s s correspond to the v a r i o u s t h e o r i e s of the phases or components of the g r i e f process. The p a r t i c u l a r  focus of t h i s study of the  experience of the companion i n g r i e f  i s on the  experience of the woman, who, by v i r t u e relationship,  of p r i o r  becomes the companion to a mother  who has l o s t a c h i l d through  death.  The c u r r e n t  -11-  research  I n t o t h i s phenomenon  Therefore,  research s t u d i e s that  the wider  topic  Included.  The  overview that  literature  of those  theorists  grief,  and  1945;  Bowl by,  1983;  Raphael,  Worden,  the  the  counselling  Rando,  1984;  be  experience the  themes of  major loss  and  CLindemann,  1960-63; K u b l e r - R o s s , 1982;  will  i n c l u d e an  In the work of  in t r e a t i n g  1969;  Parkes,  Schneider,  1984;  1982).  In a c c o r d a n c e method, t h e b a s i c emerge  in grief  review w i l l  a s p e c t s about  bereavement  limited.  are r e l e v a n t to  o f t h e companion  have been e x p l o r e d  grief  Is very  i n the  phenomenological  literature will  e m e r g i n g from  theoretical  the  theoretical  these assumptions  t h i s study.  with  in addition  personal The  and  to  as  assumptions  f o r making  personal  that  be made e x p l i c i t ,  e x p e r i e n c e , have  reason  to e l i m i n a t e p o t e n t i a l  assumptions  guided  both  assumptions  explicit  b i a s a t the s t a g e  is  of  i n t e r v i ewi ng. The stresses plays  bulk  of  the g r i e f  the c r u c i a l  in g r i e f  role  resolution.  laypersons support  one  literature that  social  "The  another  consistently network  p r o c e s s by  i n times of  which stress  - 1 2 -  i s a g e n e r a l l y r e c o g n i z e d phenomenon.... a s a phenomenon, p a r t i c i p a t o r y compassion with  t h a t we  a f r i e n d who  experience has  results it  from  into  so  1970,  in a p o s i t i o n  limited,  t h e companion  to a bereaved  the s t r u c t u r e f o r r e v i e w i n g the 1.  The  significance  grief,  whether  volunteer, 2.  The  or  the g r i e f  of  of  that  i n which  research  the f o l l o w i n g  the  person  which experience will  provide  literature:  t h e companion  layperson,  in  trained  professional  components o f  experience  the  literature  t o an u n d e r s t a n d i n g  of  expected"  t h e phenomenon r e m a i n s i n the  not  feelings  Because  areas addressed  has  i s the c o n f u s i o n  be)  i s , the  empathize  loss,  the  i s ( o r may p.  a  243).  contribute of  Yet  being placed  i s u n c l e a r what  (Schoenberg,  two  and  that  when we  suffered  r e c e i v e d much a t t e n t i o n . sadness are r e a l ,  grief,  However,  the  companion's  in f a c i l i t a t i n g process  f o r the  resolution bereaved  of  - 1 3 -  Slanifinance  Two  of the  a r e b e t t e r t h a n one... f o r I f one f a l l s down, h i s f r i e n d c a n h e l p him up. But p i t y t h e man who f a l l s and h a s no one t o h e l p h i m up C E c c l e s i a s t e s 4:9-10).  Although  the a c t u a l  the companion growing of  Companion  body  remains of g r i e f  a companion  role  t o be e x p l o r e d literature,  The e v i d e n c e  suggests  everyone  reassurance Solomon  & Green,  companion  1984).  in their  There  The c o m p a n i o n s  Secondly,  grief.  laypeople  (Osterweiss,  are three general  friends,  r e l a t i v e s or  in similar  s u p p o r t may  and s u c h  circumstances.  are f r i e n d s of the level  of c a r e .  be p r o v i d e d by  receive training  a professional,  a  informal  and r e p r e s e n t t h i s  l a y p e o p l e who  with  Firstly,  in t h i s study  formal  and  are r e c o g n i z e d i n the  be p r o v i d e d by  o r by  bereaved  literature  as p r o v i d i n g the bereaved  s u p p o r t may clergy  is clearly  needs s u p p o r t  c a t e g o r i e s of care that literature  i n the  f o l l o w i n g bereavement  i n the  the s i g n i f i c a n c e  to a g r i e v i n g person  established. that  and e x p e r i e n c e o f  and s u p e r v i s i o n by  support  i s offered  on a  -14-  one-to-one b a s i s or self-help  group.  i n t h e c o n t e x t o f a mutual  Thirdly,  professional  includes grief  c o u n s e l i n g and  grief  (Worden,  1982;  Raphael,  Parkes,  evidence  i n the  the  presence  support The  support social current the  literature  of  or  therapy. 1983).  i s indisputable  t h e p e r s o n who  the b e r e a v e d  absence  1982;  support  i s equipped  i s of c r i t i c a l  The  that to  importance.  i n a p p r o p r i a t e n e s s o f some f o r m s of  i s a l s o e v i d e n t i n s t u d i e s on p e r c e i v e d support. and  Therese  relevant  phenomenon o f  Rando, one  grief  of  theorists  facilitating  t h e most  to  address  the g r i e f  process  states, Social  support  entire  grief  bereaved  is critical  process.  person  throughout  It enables  to t o l e r a t e  and p r o v i d e s t h e a c c e p t a n c e necessary  Research  the  the p a i n of and  back  into  work  the s o c i a l  repeatedly confirms that  most s i g n i f i c a n t  to a p p r o p r i a t e l y  absence  and o r  support  and  resolve  one  grief  i n a p p r o p r i a t e n e s s of  interaction.  Nothing  and  community.  factors contributing  failure  loss  assistance  f o r c o m p l e t i o n of g r i e f  reintegration  the  of  the  t o the i s the  social  i s more  -15-  therapeutlc  In t h e p r o c e s s o f g r i e f t h a n t h e  p r e s e n c e o f an a c c e p t i n g caring The  other  (Rando,  suggestion  where f a m i l y support  1984, p . 8 2 ) .  i n the l i t e r a t u r e i s that  and c l o s e  f r i e n d s are a v a i l a b l e , the  and i n t e r a c t i o n  sufficient  they p r o v i d e  in f a c i l i t a t i n g  is counter-productive  healthy  only  turned  best  increasingly  acceptance are s o r e l y  suited  i n t h e i r bereavement  caregiver.  i s addressed  trained  g r i e v i n g , and  Due t o c u l t u r a l c h a n g e s , p e o p l e  professional which  i s generally  when s u c h q u a l i t i e s a s  empathy a n d n o n - j u d g e m e n t a l lacking.  and n o n - J u d g e m e n t a l  The  i s some  to the  controversy  i n t h i s r e v i e w a s t o who i s  to the task;  and s u p e r v i s e d  professional  There  have  the layperson, the  volunteer,  or the  caregiver.  work o f e a c h o f t h e m a j o r g r i e f  theorists  e m p h a s i z e s t h e s i g n i f i c a n c e o f t h e companion i n grief.  The f o l l o w i n g  clarifies that  that  overview  the s o c i a l  in grief provides,  contributing  The grief  t h e i r agreement  a companion  factor  historical  to healthy  i s a crucial  grieving.  proponents of the medical  as having d i s t i n c t  support  clinical  model  view  features  - 1 6 -  requiring  treatment.  psychiatrist, researchers with to  the  look  was  E r i c h Lindemann,  one  i n the  systematic  normal way.  101  r e c e n t l y bereaved  the  "share 74). choice  of  a fire,  crisis  the  he  the He  grief  reactions  in  of  preventing reflected  of  points  to  grief  and  In h i s c o n c l u s i o n  p r o l o n g e d and  serious  disease"  (Lindemann,  view that  the  companion  is better  underlined  the  s p e c i f i e s i s to 1945,  the  the  optimim  aim  of  disease. that  This  prevent  professional  as p o t e n t i a l p.  74).  His  patient's medical personal  rather  than  lay  s u i t e d t o the  task  is  in h i s statement  that,  is  "psychiatric  a l t e r a t i o n s i n the  1945,  p.  the  r e a c t i o n s may  a d j u s t m e n t , as w e l l  of  the s i g n i f i c a n c e  (Lindemann,  with  maladjustment  grief  reactions  members of  in ' t r e a t i n g  management of  any  family  p s y c h i a t r i s t as  companion  theorist  p a p e r b a s e d upon  acute g r i e f  p a t i e n t ' s work"  v i e w s the  intervention  earliest  p s y c h i a t r i s t whose r o l e he  symptomatology  social  pioneering  In h i s c l a s s i c  observations  of  of  the  grief  his  v i c t i m s of  the  study  b e r e a v e d and at  of  a  -17-  Since  It Is obvious  persons.can psychiatric  have  the  expert  t h i s knowledge  to a u x i l i a r y  lookout  have  f o r t h e more ominous  these  t o the p s y c h i a t r i s t  assisting  t h e more normal r e a c t i o n s CLindemann,  i s c h a l l e n g e d by 1975;  1983).  contribution  later  Raphael,  The  p.  grief  1983;  s t r e n g t h of  but  i t i s the  in h i s medical  to  be  pictures, while  75-76). theorists  Worden,  1982;  Lindemann's  i s h i s s y s t e m a t i c study  reactions,  orientation  1945,  will  workers.  referring  Parkes,  of  normal  clinical  model  that  causes  him  d i s c o u n t what o t h e r s v i e w a s a v a l u a b l e  contribution grieving  of  laypeople  Kubler-Ross,  a proponent  of  stimulated popular death  and  dying.  outlined  imminent  i n p r o v i d i n g companions  people.  Elizabeth  she  on  of  on  (Kubler-Ross,  but  the b e n e f i t  w o r k e r s and m i n i s t e r s w i l l  T h i s view  to  a l l bereaved  Social  themselves  to  not  h e l p , much of  have t o be p a s s e d  grief  that  also a  t h e s t a g e model interest  psychiatrist, of  grieving,  in issues r e l a t e d  T h r o u g h h e r work w i t h  the  s t a g e s common t o g r i e v i n g o n e ' s  l o s s of  life  (Kubler-Ross,  1969).  to  dying, own  - 1 8 -  Although  t h e m a j o r f o c u s and c o n t r i b u t i o n  work h a s been  to bring  to public  much a v o i d e d s u b j e c t o f d e a t h  awareness the  and d y i n g , she has  a l s o c o n t r i b u t e d t o an u n d e r s t a n d i n g bereavement. of  Growth.  companion  she p o i n t s t o the s i g n i f i c a n c e in grief,  whether  of the  layperson or  t o be a c c o m p a n i e d r a t h e r  society  Stage  She e m p h a s i z e s t h e need o f t h e  abandondoned, our  o f g r i e f and  In h e r book, D e a t h ; The F i n a l  professional. bereaved  of her  in spite  than  o f h e r view that  and age a r e o f t e n i l l  people i n  equipped  t o do  s o . She s t a t e s , The  reality  o f what w o r k s  what we e x p e c t . We bereaved reality  from  observe.  death.  of t h e i r  l o v e d one; we  f o r them and i n v i t e And i n d o i n g t h i s , grief,  p a i n and making  difficult  s h i e l d the  coming f a c e t o f a c e w i t h the  submerge t h e i r their  routinely  of the death  take over  i s the r e v e r s e of  them o n l y t o  we  force  e x t e n d i n g and  them t o expanding  i t increasingly  f o r them t o come t o g r i p s w i t h t h e  ... In t h e f o l l o w i n g s e l e c t i o n , t h e  authors o f f e r well-meaning  an a l t e r n a t i v e  to this  d e c e p t i o n . I only wish  k i n d of we c o u l d  - 1 9 -  al1  be  f o r t u n a t e enough  understanding  human b e i n g s  death  comes t o o u r  1975,  p.  such  (Kubler-Ross,  87). psychiatrist  drawing from a b i o l o g i c a l  and  psychoanalysis, presented  developmental  model  adaptive  work  value  i s i n the  of g r i e v i n g of g r i e f .  which p r o v i d e d  work of s u c h  later  Bowlby  grief  significant  process was  of g r i e f  inferred  e n c o u r a g e d and  as a b i o l o g i c a l initial  shock of  significant expression  not  his  loss,  as P a r k e s  the  and  t h a t a companion that  He  in  the  o u t l i n e d in h i s  blocked.  and  theoretical  t o the e x t e n t  t h a t was  emphasized  a platform for  theorists  Raphael.  and  i s in h i s  orientation,  a  f o c u s of  a r e a of attachment  t h e s t r e n g t h of h i s work  was  which  The  grief  perspective  i n f l u e n c e d by  the  loving,  t o h e l p u s when  families.  John Bowlby, a B r i t i s h theorist,  to f i n d  theory  viewed  grief  phenomenon w h i c h began w i t h loss.  He  saw  t h e companion  in encouraging  the  emotional  of p r o t e s t and  d e s p a i r w h i c h was  necessary  and  h e a l t h y p a r t of  behaviour  r e q u i r e d t o b r i n g about  the as  a  instinctual detachment  from  -20-  the  l o s s so  that reattachment  and  reinvestment  was  possible. Colin of the  the  Murray P a r k e s ,  developmental  model  importance of s o c i a l  course  of g r i e f  individual Parkes,  and  the  i n an  attempt  t h i s chapter. counseling  that  He  to  by  referred  the  professional  and  and  self-help  the  risk  three  to e a r l i e r  that support was  properly trained  workers.  o f f e r e d as v o l u n t e e r s as  Parkes evaluated  professionally  of  1983)  services  reducing  confirmed  that c o u n s e l i n g c o u l d reduce of  l a s t i n g maladjustment.  in e v a l u a t i n g the was  significance  b a s e d on  maladjustment,  prevention like  by  that  supported  s e r v i c e s were c a p a b l e  (Cameron & P a r k e s ,  in  and  of post-bereavement m o r b i d i t y . A  incidence  the  research  compare t h e  concluded  professional  findings  to  Counseling:  a number of  f o r the b e r e a v e d  effectively  social  pointed  in deciding  "Bereavement  c a t e g o r i e s of companion  support  support  likelihood  Does i t Work?", r e v i e w e d  study  of g r i e f ,  proponent  would r e t u r n to e f f e c t i v e f u n c t i o n i n g .  in h i s paper,  studies  a more r e c e n t  later these  the His  criteria  of v a r i o u s t y p e s of d i s e a s e  Lindemann.  He  of  and saw  that  - 2 1 -  professIonals should be  I m i t a t e d or as  Rather,  they  develop  their  bereaved. not  be  f u n c t i o n not  I n s t r u c t o r s of  own  He  latent  suggested  viewed g r i e f  them.  but  f o r t h o s e who  were t h o u g h t  (Parkes,  1980,  p.  Beverley proponent  of  stressed  the  played like  t o be  crucial  them  i n the  o r who,  for  at s p e c i a l  significant  role  in f a c i l i t a t i o n advocated  in educating skills  families other  risk  and (which  intrapsychic process)  b e r e a v e m e n t p a t t e r n s and very  of  9).  a s an  Parkes,  around  levels  perceived their  t h e p s y c h o a n a l y t i c model  grief  that  s e r v i c e s were most  Raphael, a p s y c h i a t r i s t  presents  grief  not n e c e s s a r i l y  that a l l three  f r i e n d s as u n s u p p o r t i v e  reasons  He  supportive people  H i s work c o n f i r m e d  c a r e were s i g n i f i c a n t ,  She,  for a l l people. response  the  s e r v i c e s should  intervention, provided  i n d i v i d u a l s had  beneficial  to  in supporting  t h a t such  a s a normal  reguiring outside  and  skills  to  psychotherapy.  s h o u l d encourage v o l u n t e e r s  seen as n e c e s s a r y  bereaved  as e x a m p l e s  t h a t a companion of  the g r i e f  process.  t h a t knowledge  of  a s s o c i a t e d dynamics v o l u n t e e r s and  r e q u i r e d to support  in  was  training bereaved  -22-  i n d l v l d u a l s who  were s p e c i f i c a l l y  high-risk.  confirmed  perceived  She  lack of s o c i a l  of poor  bereavement  1454).  She  high  risk  outcome  low  risk  was  predictor  she  and  resume a d e q u a t e  a wish  resolution  of  Lindemann b e f o r e h e r , uncomplicated bereaved,  grief  perceived social healthy inferred  that  of  the  support, to  of  Raphael, that low  unlike  with risk  significant  and  one  facilitating  the  the g r i e f  the p r e s e n c e  that  p r o v i d e d the  s u p p o r t was  resolution  in  emphasized  r e g a r d l e s s o f who  by  empathy.  a sense  process.  and w i t h  as  those  the bereaved  f u n c t i o n i n g and  the g r i e f  of  found  to help  w e l l - b e i n g , were s i g n i f i c a n t  p.  identified  support  the c o r e a t t r i b u t e bereaved,  1977,  c o u n s e l o r , but  common f e a t u r e s of n o n - j u d g e m e n t a l compassion,  a  of a w e l l - t r a i n e d  l o w - r i s k as r e q u i r i n g  demonstrated  that  (Raphael,  the s k i l l s  as  study  individuals  or p r o f e s s i o n a l  considered  In t h e  support  bereaved  requiring  volunteer  who  saw  i n one  identified  process. support  support, to  the  She  that  f r i e n d s and  f a m i l y gave t o t h e  bereaved  contributed  t o h e a l t h y g r i e v i n g , when she  stated,  -23-  The  comfort  offer  and  c o n s o l a t i o n ' human  to each other  bereavement) are b o n d s so life.  takes place friendship Raphael of p a r e n t a l  loss,  the  also  that  saw  the  and  p a r t i c u l a r need  the  crisis  and  352). unique  of p r o l o n g e d  only  of  one  aspects for  the  family  extended family are  assistance  likely  and  but  social  tangible  as w e l l  emotional  l o s i n g not of  the  She  emphasized  often  parents  (Raphael,  a part  as  support  other  the m a r i t a l  is  and  needed f o r  greatest  parent  the  illness  another's support  but  from o u t s i d e  life  upon  relationship future.  family  focused  same c r i s i s the  bereavement  of  p.  from s h a r i n g w i t h  She  healing  stated,  s u p p o r t . The  the  the  community  1983,  network. F r i e n d s practical  r e i n f o r c e r s of and  sudden d e a t h ,  t o n e e d not  (of  for family  (Raphael,  also  d e a t h , or  the  times  i n the warmth of  s u p p o r t , when she Through  such  powerful  essential  Much o f  at  beings  comes  experiencing  1983). only  the the  self  the and  need f o r  r e l a t i o n s h i p at  a hope  for  support a  time  -24-  when b o t h p a r e n t s were s i m u l t a n e o u s l y overwhelming  l o s s when s h e s t a t e d ,  Outsiders, of  s t r u c k by  be t h e y  t h e r a p i s t s , other  the c a r e g i v i n g p r o f e s s i o n s ,  or  f r i e n d s and n e i g h b o u r s , because c a u g h t up i n t h e f a m i l y , to give family  support i s most  outsiders  members  simply  they  a r e not  a r e sometimes  at the very  moment  incapacitated....  can r e i n t r o d u c e  safety  able  when t h e These  and o r d e r  i n t o what h a s become f o r t h e f a m i l y , an u n s a f e and c h a o t i c  world  (Raphael,  1983, p .  245). T h e r e s e Rando, a p s y c h o l o g i s t , particular in  need f o r t h e s u p p o r t  parental  l o s s of a c h i l d ,  implications of  issues  t h a t made p a r e n t a l  difficult child's  to resolve;  dying  reactions,  before  the emotional  She p o i n t e d  o u t some  and s o c i o l o g i c a l  bereavement  particularly  the unexpectedness of a a parent,  l o s s of support  negative  social  from s p o u s e s , and t h e  need f o r c a r i n g f o r s u r v i v i n g c h i 1 d r e n . that  on t h e  o f t h e companion  given  of such a l o s s .  the unique p s y c h o l o g i c a l  focused  She  the s i g n i f i c a n c e of a compassionate and  u n d e r s t a n d i n g companion was h e i g h t e n e d  in a  felt  -25-  soclety  "which h a s a s t r a n g e l y c a l l o u s r e s p o n s e  the b e r e a v e d avoidance, person  p a r e n t , who o f t e n e x p e r i e n c e s  rejection  a n d anger  a t a t i m e when t h e  t o whom one w o u l d n o r m a l l y  i s a l s o deeply grief"(Rando, particular marital  1984, p . 1 6 7 ) .  She u n d e r l i n e s t h e  n e e d f o r a companion  most  turn f o r support  i n v o l v e d i n h i s o r h e r own  relationship  person's  from  in parental  loss.  that  c h a r a c t e r i z e s the marriage  o u t s i d e the  l o s s as each  therapeutic resource  this  i s removed w i t h  She a l s o p o i n t s o u t t h a t  the c l o s e n e s s  relationship  makes p a r t n e r s p a r t i c u l a r l y  v u l n e r a b l e t o the  f e e l i n g s o f blame and a n g e r  that  displace  t o those  nearest  t h e need f o r a companion offer but  support  to  both  she a d d r e s s e d  receiving  have can  them.  Rando  to a bereaved  practically  highlighted parent to  and e m o t i o n a l l y ,  the p a r t i c u l a r  d i f f i c u l t i e s in i n her address  parent;  problems that  you a s a b e r e a v e d  in getting social intensify  society  also  grievers often  t h a t much n e e d e d s u p p o r t  the bereaved The  to  your  support  from  difficulties.  v a l u e s the p a r e n t - c h i l d  above a l l o t h e r s ,  i t does  little  parent others  While relationship to assist  -26-  you  as bereaved parent....  you  represent  parent.... avoided  the very  This  worst  As a r e s u l t ,  f e a r s of every  bereaved parents are  more t h a n most o t h e r  v i c t i m s of s o c i a l expectations"  ostracism  (Rando,  John S c h n e i d e r ,  mourners and a r e and u n r e a l i s t i c  1984, p . 169)  a p s y c h o l o g i s t and  a d v o c a t e o f a w h o l i s t i c s t a g e model underlined  the s i g n i f i c a n c e of  relationships process.  facilitators  and  the changing a t t i t u d e s toward  the pervasive  health  (Averill,  o f many  n o t amenable t o  psychotherapeutic  1969; F r e u d ,  intervention  1917),  i t i s now  considered  t o be a l e g i t i m a t e f o c u s  in h e l p i n g  roles.  least that  in part  T h i s change  of health  a function  professional  f o r those  i n view  i s at  a t t r i b u t a b l e t o the awareness  facilitation  legitimate  grief  o f m o u r n i n g was a n a t u r a l  and t h e r e f o r e  traditional  philosophy  p r o f e s s i o n a l s was t h a t  the process  process  of the g r i e f  i n g r i e v i n g , when he s t a t e d ,  Although mental  of g r i e v i n g ,  supportive  f o r the f a c i l i t a t i o n  He t r a c e d  i s because  a n d growth a r e a s  f o r the h e a l t h  as i n t e r v e n t i o n  i n p a t h o l o g y and  -27-  disease. are  In a d d i t i o n ,  Increasingly  those  aware t h a t  in helping people  roles  often  difficulty  with  a s p e c t s of the p r o c e s s of  mourning.  This  difficulty  partially  r e l a t i o n s h i p s or e f f e c t i v e  facilitate  the p r o c e s s .  w h i c h have b r o u g h t and  i s at least  a t t r i b u t a b l e t o the absence of  supportive to  about  Cultural  increased  rituals changes,  mobility  l e s s r e l i a n c e on o r g a n i z e d r e l i g i o n ,  contributed 1984,  t o these absences  have  (Schneider,  p. 6 0 ) .  William counseling companion  have  Worden,  i n h i s handbook on g r i e f  and g r i e f t h e r a p y , s t r e s s e d in grief  i s sought  by many  that the  bereaved  p e o p l e who a c k n o w l e d g e t h e s i g n i f i c a n t r o l e a companion c a n p l a y process. turn  He s t r e s s e d  t o the h e a l t h  health  in f a c i l i t a t i n g  system,  caregivers  s e e k i n g from  the support  based  a n d t h e mental  professional  alternate  extended  including  increasingly  and c a r e t h a t  a d d r e s s e d h i s book t o t h o s e professions  people  care system  w o u l d have come f r o m religiously  that  the g r i e f  previously  sources  community  in a  network.  in traditional  the c l e r g y ,  funeral  He  -28-  directors,  family  w o r k e r s , and  t h e r a p i s t s , nurses,  p h y s i c i a n s , who  position  to extend care  have the  knowledge and  effective  the  mental  varying  support  health  l o s s of  their  seen are  to  able  their  own,  f e e l i n g s about ability  the  their  counseling grief  Counseling  t o an  causes  of  the  normal tasks  of  grief  find,  however  their  grief In help  hinder tasks  and  these them b r i n g  conclusion....  grief of  tasks  seeing  t h i s can  often  effective  these  four  resolving  life.  now  experience.  the  the  a  have  involves h e l p i n g people  u n c o m p l i c a t e d or completion  other  l o s s and  will  for  process.  Some p e o p l e  t h u s t o resume a normal cases,  bereaved  thereby  to complete  do  emphasized  t o cope w i t h  t h e y have t r o u b l e  their  i n the  work t h r o u g h  i t s conclusion.  that  Worden  grieving  who  cases,  a f t e r s u c h an  Most p e o p l e a r e r e a c t i o n s and  to  r e a c t i o n s w h i c h we  normal  g r i e v i n g on  work.  need  in a  b e r e a v e d and  i n some  a significant  b r o a d r a n g e of  already  s k i l l s required  degrees of  through  The  t o the  i n t e r v e n t i o n and  preventive  are  social  to a  facilitate healthy  grieving within  a  -29-  reasonable grief  time  therapy  frame.  f o r those  techn1ques...used  the  (Worden,  1982,  p.  Although  there  is a diversity  of g r i e f  the  grief  the  role  one.  The  literature  people  reactions  of v i e w s about perspectives for  represented there Is a  i s agreement significant  s t r o n g l y suggests normal  i n t h e work  that f o r  r e a c t i o n s and  at p o t e n t i a l l y  high  risk  support  support  i n t e r v e n t i o n i s both  Research  in a  Studies the  significant  longitudinal  S t . C h r i s t o p h e r ' s Hospice  v o l u n t e e r s were t r a i n e d advice  some  generally sufficient.  P a r k e s r e p o r t e d on  practical  are  for  p e r h a p s augmented by  and  companion  who  friends,  o f mutual  Current  at  with  c o n s e q u e n c e s of b e r e a v e m e n t , t h e  significant  the  different  companion  experience  f a m i l y and  type  and  the  seen as b e i n g  adverse of  who  of  grief  theorists,  that  term  35).  process  the major g r i e f  not  to help people  or complicated  nature  the  specialized  abnormal  viewing of  I reserve  study  he  i n London.  to provide  of  conducted Lay  support  to a predetermined  g r o u p of s u r v i v o r s whose r e l a t i v e  role  and  'high-risk'  or c l o s e  friend  -30-  died  at  the  recently three low  Hospice.  bereaved  groups of  risk.  divided  The  g r o u p was  intervention  the  number o f m e a s u r e s ,  a general  habit  health  i n the  survivors (Parkes,  establish  the  become  two  the  w h i c h was  network.  high-risk g r o u p of the  contributed  healthy bereaved  individuals Study,  defined  absence of  t h i s study  trained  the  the  to  of  of  and  high-risk  i n bereavement  high-risk a  confirmed  lay companions  in a s i g n i f i c a n t  r e s o l u t i o n of  groups  low-risk  by  way  to  grieving process  the of  persons.  Raphael  conducted a study  Parkes' study.  She  interviewed  and  differences  predictors  Parkes' hypothesis that grief  symptoms,  H a r v a r d Bereavement  Results  a  i n d e x of w o r r y ,  Significant  like  significant  population,  twenty months  including physical  index.  1981). In  further  g r o u p s were compared on  intervention  had  then  and  non-intervention  At  Parkes c o l l e c t e d data e a r l y  support  or  c h a n g e s , an  were f o u n d between  into  need, h i g h - r i s k ,  random a s s i g n m e n t .  depression,  eighty-one  i n d i v i d u a l s were d i v i d e d  high-risk  postbereavement,  those  h u n d r e d and  imperative  i n t o an  g r o u p by  One  s i m i l a r to widows  and  the  in  - 3 1 -  wldowers at supportive  regular  Intervals.  psychotherapeutic  widows a t h i g h  risk  period.  the  status  perceived in  lack  of  their marital  predictors  Thirty-one allocated  social  1977,  intervention  received  during  marital  the  the  no  three  self-administered  in  that  status in  loss,  The  months to support  of  health  a  level  and  symptoms, p h y s i c i a n ' s  smoking, d r i n k i n g ,  the  questionnaire  i n the  experimental  and  review  interventions  reduction  the  Low-risk  interviews  d i f f e r e n c e s were r e p o r t e d  between  physical  general  supportive  a significant  Significant  while  g r i e v i n g p r o c e s s and Results  a  randomly  group  group.  as  1454).  intervention.  first  relationship.  indicated  ambivalence  outcomes f r o m p.  p o s t - b e r e a v e m e n t were d e s i g n e d facilitate  to  r e l a t i o n s h i p , both confirmed  widows f o r m e d a c o n t r o l offered  the  and  h i g h - r i s k widows were  thirty-three  for  contributing  support  (Raphael,  t o an  brief  t h e s e women were  of p o o r b e r e a v e m e n t  p r e v i o u s study  in  Factors of  provided  interventions  for morbidity  postbereavement 'high-risk'  She  resulted of  in  health  control  visits,  medications  risk.  group  weight  usage,  -32-  depression,  and a b i l i t y  t o work.  The  high-risk  group, as i n P a r k e s ' s t u d y , had s i m i l a r to the l o w - r i s k The  results  bereavement trained  group  ( R a p h a e l , 1977).  o f t h e s e two s t u d i e s s u g g e s t  i n t e r v e n t i o n , whether  p r o v i d e d by  healthy  grieving  in a significant  with bereaved i n d i v i d u a l s considered high-risk  f o r p o o r bereavement  h u n d r e d and s i x t y - n i n e  and p r a c t i c a l psychiatric  t o be  study with  one  aged, b e r e a v e d s p o u s e s .  s u b j e c t s were r a n d o m l y  where o n e - t o - o n e  way  outcome.  Gerber conducted a s i m i l a r  control  that  v o l u n t e e r s o r by a p r o f e s s i o n a l ,  facilitates  The  outcomes  assigned  support with  t o a group  emotional  expression  a s s i s t a n c e was o f f e r e d by  social  w o r k e r s and n u r s e s ,  g r o u p . R e s u l t s showed  or to a  significant  d i f f e r e n c e s a t 5 and 8 months p o s t - b e r e a v e m e n t . By 15 months, t h e d i f f e r e n c e s were r e d u c e d t o a non-significant  level.  Vachon d e m o n s t r a t e d s i m i l a r study  i n which  findings  one h u n d r e d and s i x t y - t w o  b e r e a v e d widows were r a n d o m l y  allocated  intervention  or non-intervention  intervention  group r e c e i v e d  group.  one-to-one  in a newly  t o an The support  and  -33-  practieal  assistance  w h i c h was  followed  support key  group.  predictor  adjustment  by  significant  and  on  interview  months p o s t - b e r e a v e m e n t The  r e s u l t s of  these  findings  t o the  underline  that  t o be the  G e r b e r and  social  of  other  a t r a i n e d layperson  s o u r c e of  a l . , 1973;  & Maurice,  Yet k i n d and  24  similar which i s shown among  studies  social  support,  offered,  or p r o f e s s i o n a l 1974;  Clayton,  Jamison, W e l l i s h  &Pasnov,  W e l l i s h , & Pasnov,  1978;  1976). research  f i n d i n g s a l s o suggest  q u a l i t y of support  available. support  and  adjustment  support  Cary,  1972;  Weisman, 1976).  Weisman,  support  perceived  w h e t h e r by  et  the  and  of  1978;  12  Vachon s t u d y ,  regardless  Halikas  health  t h i s same c o r r e l a t i o n between  adjustment  (Borstein  the  d i f f e r e n c e s in  a t 6,  emotional  Results  was  studies reflect  perceived  bereaved.  emotional  support  (Vachon e t a l . , 1980).  two  a s s o c i a t e d with  demonstrate  social  a se1f-administered  questionnaire  helpers  p a r t i c i p a t i o n i n a mutual  Perceived i n the  on  f r o m t r a i n e d widow  In one  o f widows,  needed  such study  that  i s often  of p e r c e i v e d  l e s s t h a n h a l f of  the  the not  social  sample  -34-  were a b l e least  to express  their  one o t h e r p e r s o n  grief  (Glick  freely  with at  et a l . , 1974).In  c o m p a r i n g b e r e a v e m e n t s f o r widows, S h e s k i n Wallace  concluded  t h a t t h e r e were few good  listeners available Wallace,  to bereaved  persons  (Sheskin  d e g r e e and p a r t i c u l a r  quality  d u r i n g t h e b e r e a v e m e n t was  the e x t e n t  t o which  successfully  o f widows,  the g r i e f  completed.  on what c o n s t i t u t e d  support  found  process  Ball  of support to affect  was  concluded  in a  friends,  r e l a t i v e s were t h e most h e l p f u l  support.  c o n s e n s u s o f t h e widows' a d v i c e  to others to  contribute  to their  adjustment  maintain  a social  life  with  trusting  friends  (Ball,  research should  psychological independent  factors  the  l a y p e r s o n can a s s i s t  In t h e s e widows,  good,  work  The  loyal  and  1977).  Ball  isolate  the s o c i a l  emotionally stable  grief  and  t o l o s s was t o  that produce  out  and t o e s t a b l i s h  suggests and  strong,  s u r v i v o r s who criteria  friends,  and  s t u d i e s of p e r c e i v e d s o c i a l t h e c o n s i s t e n t theme  study  d u r i n g the bereavement  t h a t one's c h i l d r e n ,  further  &  1978).  The offered  &  of  carry how  relatives. support  i s t h a t t h e most  by  -35-  helpful  s u p p o r t was  trusting, and  that  p r o v i d e d by  available, social  and  support  t h o s e who  compassionate facilitates  were  listeners,  the  coping  process. Current The  S t u d i e s on P a r e n t a l  g r i e f of p a r e n t s  when compared w i t h (Clayton  however,  little  l o s s of a c h i l d  losses.  Physiologically,  intense  life  vulnerability  that may  exists well  generate.  to loss  when o n e ' s c h i l d bereavement  can  through  dies.  be  death  grief reaction  in  parents surviving  (Sanders, Only studies  on  1980, two  p.  and  the  l o s s of  t h e most then, acute  adult  a c h i l d , and  the w i d e s t  between  i s most  Sanders r e p o r t e d s i g n i f i c a n t l y higher of  of  and  Obviously,  In c o m p a r i n g  of a s p o u s e ,  topic  psychologically,  their children  that  t o the  a s compared t o o t h e r  the r e l a t i o n s h i p  p a r e n t s and  Sanders,  thanatological  i s devoted  parental  socially,  individuals  Schwab e t a l , 1975;  Relatively  literature,  Support  i s p a r t i c u l a r l y severe  other bereaved  e t a l , 1968;  1979-80).  Grief  range  a parent, intensities of  reaction  their child.  303).  reports  were f o u n d  of  controlled  t h e e f f e c t s of p s y c h o t h e r a p e u t i c  -36-  support  f o r p a r e n t s whose c h i l d  d y i n g . The f i r s t f a m i l i e s with allocated  was a s t u d y  children  intense  counselors).  l e v e l s o f s u p p o r t were o f f e r e d  their child  during  prior  effect  e t a l , 1982). offered  regarding  were f o u n d between t h e  given  the absence of  In o r d e r  research  d e a t h , and consequent a study  that  information  of the c h i l d ' s confounding  variable  t o be m e a n i n g f u l ,  t h e n a t u r e and t i m e o f  phase of bereavement.  c o n d u c t e d by F o r r e s t  immediate s u p p o r t  illness  must be s p e c i f i c t o t h e age  sex of the s u r v i v o r ,  In  diagnosis  These r e s u l t s a r e  death, a p o s s i b l e  t h i s study.  intervention and  r a t i n g s at  The r e s u l t s s u g g e s t  the p r o g r e s s i o n  or p o s s i b l e  death  t o t h e f a m i l i e s h a d no s i g n i f i c a n t  on a d j u s t m e n t .  guestionable  various  grieving  12, o r 24 months a f t e r t h e i n i t i a l  support  in  at  t o the a c t u a l  g r o u p s on s e l f - r e p o r t s o r p r o f e s s i o n a l  (Kupst  support,  The  the a n t i c i p a t o r y  s t a g e . No m a j o r d i f f e r e n c e s  3, 6,  were  ( o f f e r e d by s o c i a l  level  periods post-diagnosis, of  of s i x t y - f o u r  t o one o f t h r e e g r o u p s ;  w o r k e r s and m a s t e r ' s  or i s  d y i n g o f l e u k e m i a , who  m o d e r a t e , a n d no s u p p o r t  varying  has d i e d  and c o u n s e l i n g  et a l . ,  was o f f e r e d f o r  -37-  up  t o s i x weeks t o p a r e n t s who  stillbirth or  (which  legally  l o s t b a b i e s due  refers  t o a baby o f  more weeks o f g e s t a t i o n ) o r p e r i n a t a l  ( b a b i e s who  died within  groups,  one  that  28  death  a week o f b i r t h ) .  b e r e a v e d m o t h e r s were randomly  to  Fifty  assigned to  r e c e i v e d planned support  two and  counseling  (up  to four hours c o u n s e l i n g over s i x  weeks) and  one  that  immediately The  social  supported better at  received  following and  routine hospital  the death  emotional  functioning  ( e x p e r i m e n t a l ) group  than  that  of t h e i r  was  the  of  the  control  group  By f o u r t e e n  months, t h e r e were no s i g n i f i c a n t between  infant.  significantly  of the u n s u p p o r t e d  s i x months p o s t - b e r e a v e m e n t .  differences  groups.  Maternal  grief  h a s been f o u n d t o be  t h e same  f o r m i s c a r r i a g e as f o r a s t i l l b o r n c h i l d or death  of a neonate  Worden, 1982; Theoretical Companion 1.  care  ( P e p p e r s and  Stack,  Knapp,  the  1980;  1980).  Assumptions:  The  Significance  of  the  in Grief: The  presence  in g r i e f  and  offers  significant  support  that  a  t o the bereaved  in f a c i l i t a t i n g  companion is  their  grief  -38-  process, u n l e s s the support  i s sorely  l a c k i n g in the core q u a l i t i e s of empathy and compassionate  listening  Everyone needs support  and  f o l l o w i n g bereavement. general  reassurance  There are  three  c a t e g o r i e s of care which are  recognized potential support  in the source  l i t e r a t u r e as a of support;  by u n t r a i n e d  f o r m a l i z e d support  by  informal  laypeople, laypeople t r a i n e d  and s u p e r v i s e d by a p r o f e s s i o n a l , and professional grief  s u p p o r t i v e c o u n s e l i n g or  therapy  For bereaved persons who  perceive  f a m i l y or f r i e n d s as s u p p o r t i v e , informal  support  significant grieving.  is sufficient  their the  and  in f a c i l i t a t i n g  healthy  The most h e l p f u l  support  p r o v i d e d by those who  are  trustworthy,  a v a i l a b l e , and compassionate For bereaved persons who  is  listeners  perceive  their  f a m i l y or f r i e n d s as unsupportive, support  s e r v i c e s o f f e r e d by t r a i n e d  v o l u n t e e r s or by p r o f e s s i o n a l s are  formal  - 3 9 -  beneflclal  to prevent  poor  bereavement  outcomes Trained  l a y companions  contribute  in a s i g n i f i c a n t  facilitation bereaved  in g r i e f  of  way  to  the  the g r i e v i n g p r o c e s s  persons.  of  Volunteers educated  in  b e r e a v e m e n t p a t t e r n s and a s s o c i a t e d d y n a m i c s and required  trained  to deal with  as e f f e c t i v e  support  i n the  skills  them p r o v i d e as  just  professional  practitioners. A potential  role  educate  equip  and  f o r p r o f e s s i o n a l s i s to selected  volunteer  compan i ons The  s i g n i f i c a n t l y higher  wider  r a n g e of g r i e f  parental  support.  reaction  l o s s of a c h i l d  n e e d f o r a companion  intensities i n the  heightens  in g r i e f  and  to  the  provide  -40-  Role  o f t h e Companion  Grieving  i n F a c i l i t a t i o n of  the  Process;  "Give sorrow words. The g r i e f t h a t d o e s not speak k n i t s up t h e o ' e r w r o u g h t h e a r t and b i d s i t b r e a k . "  The  role  major g r i e f  of  theorists  some c a s e s and with  t h e companion  needs assessments  research  The  facilitating to prevent the  study  companion  picture  either  are presented  and  process, w i l l of a l l t h a t  the  a s a means  in  of  the e x p e r i e n c e of  arise  is cited  as a  the  bereaved.  emerge  this  of  this the  the  composite  i n the  literature  the most a p p r o p r i a t e o v e r a l l  the needs of  grief  guidelines for  in f a c i l i t a t i n g resolution  constituting to  explored in current  I t i s assumed f o r t h e p u r p o s e the r o l e  in  The  o r t o promote g r o w t h ,  and  the  accordance  the bereaved.  healthy grieving,  pathology  that  grieving  in  the f a c i l i t a t i o n of  suggested  literature  review.  of  implied  is similarly  s t u d i e s on  process.  in  i s e x p l i c i t l y addressed  i s otherwise  companion's r o l e  i n the work o f  as  response  -41-  The  major commonalities r e p r e s e n t e d  guidelines the  for facilitating  work o f t h e m a j o r g r i e f 1.  giving  concrete  tasks early 2.  being present  3.  l i s t e n i n g with  details 4.  5.  The  and,  new  relationship  associated  represented  of the l o s s  t o normalize the  with  of the  the l o s s and f o r m a t i o n  i n p r e s u p p o s i t i o n s of  are i n the o r i e n t a t i o n The g o a l s o f a l l  the f a c i l i t a t i o n  bereavement.  available  relationships  or disease.  alleviation  necessary  and the  and f l u c t u a t i o n s  theorists  implicitly  with  acceptance as the bereaved  major d i f f e r e n c e s  grief  include:  and c o n s i s t e n t l y  encouraging r e i n t e g r a t i o n of  include  assistance  o f f e r i n g reassurance  feelings  health  theorists  and i m p l i c a t i o n s  intensity  grieving in  i n the bereavement  reviews t h e i r  the  healthy  i n the  interventions  of the g r i e v i n g  or e x p l i c i t l y ,  of the d e t r i m e n t a l However, t h e r e i n the f o l l o w i n g  to  process  the p r e v e n t i o n or consequences of  i s a spectrum overview that  ranges  -42-  f r o m S c h n e i d e r ' s e m p h a s i s on t h e p r o m o t i o n o f growth  through  loss  p r e v e n t i n g medical Erich bereaved and He  disease  Lindemann  that  of  "Symptomatology  ( L i n d e m a n n , 1945).  there are corresponding  o f t h e companion  i s to a s s i s t  i n g r i e f , whose  the p a i n  and he h a s t o become  the a l t e r a t i o n s  emotional his  fear  role  of the bereavement.  He h a s t o r e v i e w h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p s  with  responses  i n t h e g r i e f work o f t h e b e r e a v e d ;  He h a s t o a c c e p t  deceased,  loss.  i d e n t i f i e s the needs of the  Management o f A c u t e G r i e f " implies  f o c u s on  as a r e s u l t  i n h i s c l a s s i c p a p e r on  on t h e p a r t it  t o Lindemann's  reaction. of a c c e p t i n g  hostility,  must  modes o f  of  insanity  the s u r p r i s i n g  in h i s f e e l i n g , e s p e c i a l l y be w o r k e d  the  acquainted  i n h i s own His fear  with  changes  t h e o v e r f l o w of through.  He  will  have t o e x p r e s s h i s s o r r o w and s e n s e o f He w i l l  have t o f i n d an  formulation deceased. feelings  of g u i l t ,  loss.  acceptable  of h i s f u t u r e He w i l l  and  relationship  have t o v e r b a l i z e and he w i l l  have  t o the  his to f i n d  p e r s o n s a r o u n d h i m whom he c a n use a s  -43-  p r i m e r s £ or of conduct  the acqu 1 s i t i on  (Lindemann,  Llndemann o u t l i n e d  t h e main  1945,  of n ew  p.  75).  t a s k s of g r i e f  v i e w e d them: e m a n c i p a t i o n  from  deceased  p a t t e r n s of  and  f i n d i n g new  interaction with relationships. a g e n c i e s had bereaved, rituals,  that  religious  in counteracting g u i l t  of d i v i n e  additional  facilitating Lindemann  the g r i e f  implies  responding  that  to these  work o f t h e  identified  l i s t e n i n g with acceptance  reviews h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p with  and  offering  comes t o a c c e p t and  emphasized in  in  the  the e x p r e s s i o n as the  bereaved  the deceased,  of  r e a s s u r a n c e as  the  the n o r m a l i t y of  the  f l u c t u a t i o n s of h i s emotional  a s s i s t i n g with social  encouraging  with  bereaved.  needs of  of p a i n ,  intensity  meaningful  the companion's r o l e ,  c o n s i s t s of e n c o u r a g i n g  b e i n g p r e s e n t and  he  required  bereaved,  bereaved  f o r the  feelings  f o r g i v e n e s s , but  a s s i s t a n c e was  reintegration  t h e f o r m a t i o n o f new  the  new  l e d i n p r o v i d i n g comfort  and  he  rewarding  i n d e v e l o p i n g s u p p o r t i v e and  the o f f e r that  stressed  as  t h e bondage o f  the f o r m a t i o n of He  pa 11 e r n s  state,  in  relationships.  -44-  John Bowl by p r e s e n t e d a d e v e l o p m e n t a l of  grief  develop and  based  on h i s t h e o r y  strong affectional  they  seek  to maintain  need f o r s a f e t y  that  human  bonds o r  and s e c u r i t y .  specific  reactions.  process.  phase of angry  protest,  and t h e n  of d e s p a i r a n d d i s o r g a n i z a t i o n . culminates  a phase  The p r o c e s s  o f new a t t a c h m e n t s  Bowlby's phases of the g r i e f f o r the g r i e f  tasks to perform  in l i f e .  process  r e c o v e r y mutual  begun by L a r r y Y e a g l e y .  form the support  H e l p e r s have  d u r i n g each  phase of g r i e f .  distance f o r protection  of l o s s ,  managing n e c e s s a r y protest  from  t o be  concrete assistance with  chores.  During  and d i s o r g a n i z a t i o n ,  i t i s by p a i n f u l  needs  f e e l i n g the  t h e companion c a n be p r e s e n t  l e a n e d upon and t o o f f e r  groups  definite  t h e numbness p h a s e , when t h e b e r e a v e d  emotional  as  An  i n a phase of r e o r g a n i z a t i o n w i t h the  reconstruction  angry  f o u r major  p h a s e o f s h o c k and numbness i s f o l l o w e d by  a second  impact  loss  to very  Bowlby o u t l i n e d  r e a c t i o n s or phases of the g r i e f  During  attachments,  S i t u a t i o n s of  these bonds and g i v e r i s e  basis  beings  t h e s e bonds o u t o f t h e i r  endanger  initial  model  f e e l i n g s of  the phase of characterized  loneliness,  -45-  sorrow,  anger  sanction  when  a n d w e e p i n g , t h e h e l p e r must p r o v i d e the bereaved  ventilation  of f e e l i n g s  the r e a l i t y  a n d impact  needs i n t i m a c y and  i n o r d e r t o acknowledge of the l o s s .  The companion  can be p r e s e n t and l i s t e n w i t h a c c e p t a n c e t o permit  the bereaved  details  t o e x p r e s s f e e l i n g s and  of the l o s s .  During the f i n a l  phase of  r e o r g a n i z a t i o n , when t h e f e e l i n g s o f t h e b e r r e a v e d are  less  desire  i n t e n s e and t h e r e i s a b e g i n n i n g s h i f t i n  t o r e e n t e r l i f e ' s mainstream,  corresponding helping role encourage  the bereaved  network, and b e g i n  Kubler-Ross typically  o f t h e companion  t o expand t h e i r  to reintegrate  In h e r s t a g e model  of g r i e f ,  go t h r o u g h  s t a g e s t o the g r i e f  toward like  through  t o b a r g a i n i n g , and then a final  adaptive  advocacy  g r i e v i n g (and process). rage and  This  model,  i s concerned with the  value of g r i e f  Kubler-Ross's great  persons  t o d e p r e s s i o n and on  stage of acceptance.  Bowlby's model,  social  Elisabeth  in anticipatory  I n d i v i d u a l s move f r o m d e n i a l  i s to  socially.  d e s c r i b e s the stages that  applies parallel  anger  the  (Kubler-Ross,  1975).  l e g a c y t o t h e f i e l d was h e r  f o r open c o m m u n i c a t i o n  about  grief.  -46-  Implicit  in her  the r o l e  of  approach  i s an u n d e r s t a n d i n g  the companion.  sensitively  Such a p e r s o n  present, w i l l i n g to accept  judgement w h a t e v e r r e l e a s e of expression  i s necessary  acceptance  of  Colin grief. a s one  the  and  lost person,  appearance,  and  those p a r t s of person .person.  first  a high state  has  interest  directing  p h a s e of  the environment t o be  and  individual  happened.  In t h i s  bereavement, bereaved  thoughts  towards the  c a l l i n g f o r the  stage  individuals  need  the  a refraining  i m p r e s s i n g t h e r e a l i t y of  before  cope w i t h  i t . When t h e b e r e a v e d  t h e r e a l i t y of disorganization  the bereaved  the  loss,  understanding  i s ready  a sense  what  of  of support  situation  lost  believe  companion's o f f e r from  and  lost  occurs while  cannot  initial  of  in personal  i n which  still  grief  of a r o u s a l ,  of a t t e n t i o n  T h i s searching behaviour  the b e r e a v e d  towards  d e s c r i b e s p h a s e s of  l o s s of  is likely  without  them  r e s t l e s s movement, p r e o c c u p a t i o n w i t h the  be  loss.  c h a r a c t e r i z e s the  of a l a r m  i s to  f e e l i n g or v e r b a l  to encourage  Murray P a r k e s  He  of  and  the  to begin  to  becomes aware of of  and m e a n i n g l e s s n e s s  result.  At  -47-  thls point,  t h e companion c a n r e s p o n d  the b e r e a v e d and  about  talk  f o l l o w s as the sense  the bereaved when t h e r e  and h o s t i l i t y  t o w a r d s t h e anonymous s o c i a l  The s u b s e q u e n t  meaninglessness  recognition  It i s helpful f o r  t o r e c o g n i z e the anger  the bereaved  world.  the b e g i n n i n g  h e r new s i t u a t i o n .  t h e companion of  about  by h e l p i n g  phase of r e o r g a n i z a t i o n  o f c o n f u s i o n and  diminishes.  to relinquish  i s recognition  The companion the l o s t  that  helps  p e r s o n , and  the former  h a s been d e s t r o y e d , t h e companion c a n  world  encourage  t h e r e b u i l d i n g o f a new w o r l d on t h e b a s i s o f new relationships.  T h i s c a n b e s t be a c h i e v e d when t h e  i d l v 1 d u a l *'s i d e n t i t y i n t e r a c t i o n with John version phases  i s c o n f i r m e d and d e v e l o p e d i n  the h e l p e r .  Schneider proposes  of stage  theory  a more w h o l i s t i c  i n which s i x d i s t i n c t  are defined to trace  t h e movement  in grief  from a w a r e n e s s o f t h e l o s s t o w a r d s t r a n s f o r m a t i o n through  the l o s s .  H i s concern  rather  than  loss.  The s i x p h a s e s  the bereaved 1.  the p o t e n t i a l  awareness of  pathology  which  to resolve  growth  in resolving  Schneider  their  loss  i s with  outlines for  loss are:  -48-  2.  l i m i t i n g a w a r e n e s s o r f o c u s on t h e l o s s  3.  gaining perspective  4.  resolving  5.  reformulating loss  6.  transforming  loss  loss  He s e e s a c c e p t a n c e  and r e s o l u t i o n  of l o s s as  p h a s e s o f t h e p r o c e s s w h i c h become t h e means through  which  one i s e n a b l e d  t o go b e y o n d g r i e f t o  new commitments a n d i n v e s t m e n t s , sense  of balance  proposes  and wholeness  the view that  context  o f an o n g o i n g ,  Without  such  blocked"  support  and a g r e a t e r  in l i f e .  "growth o c c u r s supportive  relationship.  1981, p . 3 4 1 ) .  emphasizes t h e r e f o r e the importance in loss recognition  resolution.  i n the  and p e r m i s s i o n , g r i e f c a n be  (Frears & Schneider,  sanctions  Schneider  Schneider  He  of s o c i a l  and e v e n t u a l  d i r e c t l y addresses the  components o f t h e c o m p a n i o n ' s j o u r n e y i n facilitating  t h e g r i e f p r o c e s s a s he v i e w s  prefaces h i s chapter process with  on f a c i l i t a t i n g  the s o b e r i n g statement  it.  the g r i e f that  " i t  pretentious  t o assume anyone c a n r e a l l y be t h e  facilitator  of another's  they  a r e not i n v i t e d  He  is  grief, particularly i f  i n some way o r a n o t h e r  by t h e  -49-  bereaved  t o do  presents  the  process  so"  (Schneider,  view that  there  of h e a l i n g and  grieving,  and  respecting  and  t o do  nothing,  perhaps other  available, simply  inclination  to doing  "nothing,  than  along with  knowing t h a t  f e e l i n g with  their  themselves"  clinical  1.  2.  be  and  individuals while  them d o e s not  p.  to  being  role,  loneliness  1987,  both  view;  listening,  need t o e x p e r i e n c e  (Schneider,  For  something has  really  i t for 253).  guidelines for assisting  bereavement, which c o r r e s p o n d model.  by  l a y companion,  the b e r e a v e d  t h e p a i n , h e l p l e s s n e s s , and  presents  in  begins  the  He  underlying  in Schneider's  turning off their  feeling  replace  251).  this natural healing process.  natural  turned  p.  inherent  grief  the p r o f e s s i o n a l c o u n s e l o r the  I s an  growth  facilitating  1984,  Schneider  i n the  course  t o the phases  in h i s  Suggested g u i d e l i n e s i n c l u d e : Initially  offering practical  to a l l e v i a t e  the  Facilitating  awareness of  helping exact  exhaustion  the bereaved  i m p l i c a t i o n s of  to  assistance of  the  grieving loss  identify  the  loss  of  by  the  -50-  3.  Reassuring  the bereaved  relationship available allowing explore 4.  by  and  b e i n g an  l o s s and  G i v i n g the bereaved tell can  the s t o r y be  trusted  5.  the o p p o r t u n i t y  of  the event  to  listen  an  entry  trigger  Giving permission  the  the  not  lost  the g r i e v e r  Schneider passes  of  issues) assisting  and  of g r i e f  of  of  can  i s that  t a s k s t h a t need t o theorists  sequence of p r e d i c t a b l e s t a g e s  and  a  levels  fragility  personal  Whereas t h e s t a g e  g r i e v e r moves t h r o u g h , Parkes  i s both  place  g r i e v i n g c r e a t e s a s e r i e s of  linear  (which  the subsequent p r o c e s s  W i l l i a m Worden's model  accomplished.  who  with  t o g r i e v e and  d i s c o v e r i n g what was take  to  i n d i s c o v e r i n g the e x t e n t  l o s s and  then  t o one  i n t o deep  a w a r e n e s s of  w h i c h may  the g r i e v e r  a  gain perspective  privilege  life  listener,  the s a f e t y to  acceptance  of p a i n and  ongoing  and  active  unquestioning and  their  being present  the bereaved the  of  and  others  present  through,  like  present  that  the  Bowl by,  p h a s e s of g r i e f Worden's  be  that  approach,  -51-  reflective implies can  of Freud's  that  concept  the g r i e v e r  do s o m e t h i n g .  of g r i e f  work,  needs t o take a c t i o n and  The f o u r t a s k s o f g r i e f  as  o u t l i n e d by Worden a r e : 1.  To a c c e p t  2.  To e x p e r i e n c e  3.  To a d j u s t t o an e n v i r o n m e n t deceased  4.  of the l o s s  the p a i n of g r i e f i n which the  i s missing  To w i t h d r a w e m o t i o n a l it  The  the r e a l i t y  i n another  energy  and r e i n v e s t  relationship  c o r r e s p o n d i n g g o a l s o f t h e companion, a s  o u t l i n e d by Worden, a n d t h e g u i d e l i n e s f o r facilitating 1.  the g r i e f  process  include:  To i n c r e a s e t h e r e a l i t y  of the l o s s , the  companion c a n e n c o u r a g e  the a c t u a l i z a t i o n  of  t h e l o s s by l i s t e n i n g  as the bereaved  t a l k s about  t h e l o s s and c i r c u m s t a n c e s  surrounding  the death,  repeatedly, i f  necessary 2.  To h e l p  the bereaved  expressed  and l a t e n t  companion c a n h e l p and  express  their  deal with  both  a f f e c t , the  the bereaved f e e l i n g s about  identify the  -52-  loss;  their  anger, g u i l t ,  anxiety,  and  helplessness 3.  To  help  the  b e r e a v e d overcome  various  impediments t o r e a d j u s t i n g t o t h e i r the to  companion can identify  and  use  assist  the  encourage  bereaved  i m p l i c a t i o n s of  a problem-solving i n new  the  loss,  the  approach  loss to  r o l e s in l i v i n g without  the  deceased 4.  To  encourage a h e a l t h y  withdrawal  from  reinvestment  of  the  emotional  d e c e a s e d and  emotion  a  in another  relationship,  the  companion  can  encourage  reintegration  and  formation  of  new  relat ionships Other g u i d e l i n e s presented e n c o u r a g i n g adequate sensitive and  behaviour,  and  like  the w i d e r a n g e of allowing  helping  include  being  anniversaries providing  i n t e r p r e t a t i o n of what  for  providing continuing styles  points  and  o f f e r i n g r e a s s u r a n c e by  u n d e r s t a n d i n g and constitutes  Worden  time to g r i e v e  to c r i t i c a l  birthdays,  by  grief  individual differences,  support,  the  normal  highlighting  bereaved evaluate  coping  their  -53-  effectiveness. identify, rise  Finally,  i n the event  to pathology,  It Is important  of  the  to  loss having  given  the need f o r p r o f e s s i o n a l  referral. Raphael,  i n a book, Anatomy of  o u t l i n e s a t h e r a p e u t i c assessment grievers  t o p r o v i d e a framework  preventive  intervention  at h i g h r i s k  short-term psychotherapy, weeks p o s t b e r e a v e m e n t The  g o a l s of 1.  To  affects  and  p r o c e s s and sadness, 2.  To  to eight  assessed  The  or twelve  full  i s of two  weeks.  grieving  mourning  e x p r e s s i o n of  shame, and  guilt  the v e n t i l a t i o n  the d e s e r t i o n that  of a n g e r  the death  and  loss  seems t o r e p r e s e n t 3.  To  encourage review  relationship negative  with  factors  be  are:  t o promote t h e the  to  format  t h e e x p r e s s i o n of  rage,  encourage  with  o f f e r e d between  intervention encourage  used  for specific  f o r those  of m a l r e s o l u t i o n .  Bereavement,  an  of  the  lost  opening  i f these are  up  of  denied  at  -54-  Raphael  emphasizes  that  intervention,  at  t h i s optimum t i m e , w i l l  of  the g r i e f p r o c e s s With  a i d i n the  later,  of  opportunities involved  and  when she  toward  an  the p a i n  the f i r s t  a high-risk  affects of  s t e p s have been  the taken  maladaptive  1982,  continue  s e t at t h i s e a r l y  maladaptive p.  time  course averted  377). of g r i e f which,  the f o r e g o i n g models, u n d e r l i n e s the  as i n  importance  of  the a f f e c t i v e e x p r e s s i o n of g r i e f .  i d e n t i f i e s the p r i m a r y  as a need f o r a c c e p t a n c e support which w i l l  importance and  needs of the  and  facilitate  of emotions.  intrapsychic  some  c r i s i s months, y e t i t s  Rando p r e s e n t s a model  the  the  the r e l a t i o n s h i p w i l l  a d a p t i v e c o u r s e can be  expression  with  provided to express  beyond the e a r l y  facilitating  of h i s  Much o f t h e f u r t h e r work o f  relinquishing  (Raphael,  involved,  a d a p t i v e as opposed t o  resolution.  stresses  states;  t h e b e g i n n i n g s of r e v i e w  relationship,  She  facilitation  the c o u n s e l o r ' s communication  recognition  and  i f offered  bereaved  non-judgmental the , c a t h a r t i c  Rando,  like  Raphael,  also  o f t h e more n e g l e c t e d  cognitive  p r o c e s s e s , the  changes  -55-  ln  the Inner w o r l d , which  much a t t e n t i o n responses  of  as those very necessary  t o the actual  the e x t e r n a l  world.  the bereaved  of energy one's  from  i d e n t i f i e s a primary  need  f o r d e c a t h e x i s or the withdrawal  Rando draws upon t h e e a r l y  theorists  intrapsychic in order  successfully  emotional  t h e l o s s o f t h e l o v e d one w i t h i n  psychoanalytic  undertaken  in establishing  procedure  t h a t must  f o r the bereaved  resolve  this  as a  be  to  t h e l o s s and t o s u b s e q u e n t l y  reinvest  in other r e l a t i o n s h i p s .  stresses  t h e need f o r t h e c o g n i t i v e p r o c e s s o f  Secondly,  d e v e l o p i n g a new r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h the g r i e v e r ' s of  life  the deceased  structured,  a n d a new  one b a s e d  identity  interactional what  largely  on  absence  recollection,  Thirdly,  on r e c o g n i z i n g what p a r t s of the s e l f  Rando  t o form  a  new  r o l e s and  have c h a n g e d and  n e e d s t o be a f f i r m e d a n d what  n e e d s t o be accommodated.  as  relationship i s  t h e need f o r t h e b e r e a v e d  based  she  the deceased  i s r e o r g a n i z e d i n the  memory, a n d p a s t e x p e r i e n c e . identifies  as  l o s s o f t h e l o v e d one i n  She  inner world.  crucial  she b e l i e v e s d e s e r v e  Rando,  i s new a n d like  Schneider,  -56-  f o c u s e s upon  the p o t e n t i a l  growth  inherent in  gr i e f . Rando s u g g e s t s  g u i d e l i n e s f o r the  in g r i e f  to f a c i l i t a t e  suggests  that  the b e r e a v e d of  mourning 1.  to p a r t i c i p a t e  3.  Taking  the  initiative  t o be  encourage  i n t h e work  present  and  concrete assistance in with  the f e l t  or  expressed  bereaved  Being c o n s i s t e n t l y  available  physically  as well  as e m o t i o n a l l y to render  griever  security  and  G i v i n g the g r i e v e r by  demonstrating  non-judgemental that and 4.  actively  She  by:  accordance  2.  t h e p r o c e s s of g r i e f .  t h e c a r e g i v e r o r companion  offering  needs of  companion  support  permission  verbally  and  a t t i t u d e s and  expressing grief  the  i s both  to g r i e v e through behaviours appropriate  essential  M a i n t a i n i n g a f a m i l y systems p e r s p e c t i v e in  d e a l i n g with  r e c o g n i z i n g her relationship family  a s she  the g r i e v e r  by  l o s s of  special  through has  the  death  known i t  and  of  the  -57-  5.  Making sure  that  the  appropriate  medical  grlever  has  evaluation  and  t r e a t m e n t when symptoms w a r r a n t 6.  Maintaining  a realistic  perspective  in acknowledging one's  realistic 7.  E n c o u r a g i n g v e r b a l i z a t i o n of  the  the  Helping  feelings  d e c e a s e d , by  about  the  i d e n t i f y and  grief  providing  resolve  normative  psychological  and  be  relinquished,  assumed o r  to  data  social  discover r o l e s that and  i d e n t i f y t h o s e b e l i e f s and provide  in  the  process  griever  must  helping actions  a renewed s e n s e  of  life  Working with  the  new  being s e n s i t i v e to  life,  and  in coping with  A s s i s t i n g the  purpose  helping  actualize  griever  p r o c e s s by  will  and  losses  grief  that  11.  the  griever  S u p p o r t i n g the  her  own  loss  the  secondary  10.  of  bereaved recognize,  accept  9.  therapeutic  limitations  recollections  8.  and  by  griever  to r e i n v e s t the  in a  -58-  g r i e v e r ' s readiness to begin  a process  of  reintegration Rando h e l p f u l l y resolution griever is  not  and  the g r i e f  the  usually  finished offers will  of  and  one  who  assurance  that c e r t a i n  throughout will  describes resolution  so  the p r o c e s s e s completed  t h a t the  the r e s t  loss  grief  forever.  She the  and  of g r i e f  as a term  have been  loss  brief  reexperienced.  life  (Rando,  She indicating  addressed  1984).  t h e Companion's R o l e  a s s u m p t i o n s w h i c h emerge o f what c o n s t i t u t e s  appropriate  being  a s p e c t s of  of g r i e f  grief  i s appropriately integrated into  of o n e ' s  literature  of  one's l i f e ,  be  that  a s much a s p o s s i b l e a t a g i v e n p o i n t  A s s u m p t i o n s of The  supports her,  settled  or  r e a s s u r i n g the  r e s o l v e d i n the sense  upsurges of g r i e f  and  the e n d i n g  p r o c e s s by  completely  continue  that  addresses  overall  response  in Grief  in the  t h e most  of  t h e companion  in  include: 1.  Taking  initiative  2.  Giving concrete bereavement and  t o be  present  assistance early  (informing designated  relatives  of t h e  loss,  in friends  assisting  in  -59-  funeral  p r e p a r a t i o n s , meals,  and  childcare) 3.  L i s t e n i n g wlth to  encourage  release  range  bereaved  (sadness, rage,  of  the  hostility,  shame)  O f f e r i n g r e a s s u r a n c e and bereaved,  to a s s i s t  intensity  of g r i e f  Encouraging and  acceptance  verbalization  of f e e l i n g s o f  f l u c t u a t i o n s of 5.  and  the f u l l  gui1t, 4.  non-Judgemental  s a n c t i o n f o r the  i n n o r m a l i z i n g the reactions  and  feeling  repeated review  i t s implications  of the  in g i v i n g  the  bereaved  the o p p o r t u n i t y t o t e l l  story  the e v e n t  of  and  loss  the  i t s continuing  impact 6.  Working with  the g r i e v e r  p r o c e s s of r e i n v e s t m e n t in  new  phases  of  life  to begin and  a  reintegration  -60-  CHAPTER  III  METHOD Rat i ona1e In t h e p h e n o m e n o l o g i c a l  method o f r e s e a r c h ,  t h e e m p h a s i s i s on t h e s t u d y Experience than  rather  by t h e e x p l a n a t o r y methods o f e m p i r i c a l  based  The methods o f t h e n a t u r a l s c i e n c e s ,  as they  inadequate  a r e on t h e laws o f c a u s a l i t y , a r e  t o the task of s t u d y i n g  Phenomenological  out  experience.  i s investigated descriptively  psychology.  us  of  and e x p e r i e n c e  them"  7 ) , h a s been s e l e c t e d  lived.  live  ( V a l l e & King,  them  1978, p .  appropriate  to t h i s study.  method, drawn a s i t i s from  This  the p h i l o s o p h i c a l  o f phenomenology, i m p l i e s an  existential  v i e w o f t h e phenomenon  investigated  itself  actually  a s t h e most  r e s e a r c h method t o a p p l y  understand  as  r e s e a r c h , "a method w h i c h a l l o w s  t o c o n t a c t phenomena a s we  discipline  life  i n that e x i s t e n t i a l i s m  being "seeks  to  t h e human c o n d i t i o n a s i t m a n i f e s t s  i n our c o n c r e t e ,  King,  1978, p. 6 ) .  refer  t o the psychology  lived  situations"  (Valle  I t h a s become c o n v e n t i o n a l of  existential  to  &  -61-  phenomenology s i m p l y psychology  CColaizzi,  Overview of Research The  concern  researcher  grief.  phenomenologlcal  1973, p . 4 ) . Method  of the  in this  study  meaning of t h e l i v e d in  as  phenomenological i s t o understand the  experience  o f t h e companion  In t h i s method o f r e s e a r c h , t h e  researcher  and s u b j e c t s a r e p a r t n e r s , and the  subjects will (Colaizzi,  be r e f e r r e d  1978).  co-researcher  t o as c o - r e s e a r c h e r s  The e x p e r i e n c e  iselicited  o f each  i n a dialogue with the  researcher  as together  experience  as l i v e d .  individual  d e s c r i p t i o n s a n d c o n s t r u c t s a common  account By  that  thoroughly  they  seek  t o understand the  The r e s e a r c h e r  i s faithful  t o each  i n d i v i d u a l one.  s t u d y i n g the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s '  d e s c r i p t i o n s or p r o t o c o l s of t h e i r cross-referencing common  phenomenol o g i c a l  resulting  a r e interwoven  account-.  to understanding  combined w i t h  e x p e r i e n c e , and  them, t h e r e s e a r c h e r e x t r a c t s  themes w h i c h  approach  tape-records  t o c r e a t e the  T h i s phenomenol o g i c a l experience  c a n be  a dramaturgical perspective,  i n d e s c r i p t i o n s of experience  contained w i t h i n the dramatic  as l i v e d ,  or n a r r a t i v e  form.  -62-  Elements  of the dramatic  phenomenological preserve story.  form  c a n be a p p l i e d t o  accounts of experience, t o  the m u l t i d i m e n s i o n a l a s p e c t s of the The r e s e a r c h e r , u s i n g t h i s  approach,  i s g u i d e d by d r a m a t i c  eliciting  the s t o r y  combined  form when  or individual  d e s c r i p t i o n s of  the companions t o g r i e v i n g p e r s o n s by  a t t e n d i n g t o and drawing  the b e g i n n i n g , m i d d l e ,  in the study,  f o r t h what  constitutes  and end of the e x p e r i e n c e  u n d e r s t u d y , a n d by c a p t u r i n g t h e p i v o t a l in  the s t o r y .  The d r a m a t i c  dynamic d e s c r i p t i o n w h i c h time w i t h  form  points  captures the  i n v o l v e s change  over  an emergent u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f  relationship  between e v e n t s a n d a l i g n m e n t o f  characters.  The r e s e a r c h e r c a n a l s o be g u i d e d by  dramatic  form  i n the r e c o n s t r u c t i o n  account  by m a k i n g e x p l i c i t  present  beyond t h e words  t h i s phenomenological dramaturgical  what  from  method c o m b i n e d w i t h a  approach  experience  diverse  (Cochran  i s implicitly  in a description.  which  i s capable of  f o r m u l a t i n g a common s t r u c t u r e drawing  o f t h e common  individual & Claspell,  of experience p a t t e r n s of 1987).  It  is  -63-  Co-Researchers I t was that  assumed  t h o s e who  f o r the p u r p o s e o f t h i s  were  person  through  source  o f knowledge  companions t o a  their  grieving  reason, were  p r o c e s s were  referred  i n v i t i n g the f u l l  the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s t o share researcher attempt  For  to a r r i v e  than of  experience,  them  a t an emergent  t h e phenomenon.  study  participation  their  c o l l a b o r a t e d with  this  in t h i s  to as c o - r e s e a r c h e r s r a t h e r  By  the  the  under s t u d y .  the companions p a r t i c i p a t i n g  subjects.  of  bereaved  for understanding  companioning experience  study  the  i n a combined sense  The r e s e a r c h e r  of meaning  introduced to  each o f t h e c o - r e s e a r c h e r s t h e phenomenon u n d e r study, share  and t h e c o - r e s e a r c h e r s were  invited  t h e m e a n i n g o f t h i s phenomenon  detailed  d e s c r i p t i o n s of i n d i v i d u a l  and  reflections  their  dialogue proceeded relationship  c o - r e s e a r c h e r was  through experience  on t h a t e x p e r i e n c e .  on t h e b a s i s o f t r u s t ,  between  the r e s e a r c h e r  a respectful  and  co-researchers  for selection  i n c l u d e d the  The and t h e  and egalitarian  one. The c r i t e r i a  to  of the  following:  -64-  Th e c o - r e s e a r c h e r s were a d u l t s . t h e method o f r e s e a r c h articulation, of  i s based  elaboration,  necessary  able  that  upon t h e  and r e f l e c t i o n  an e x p e r i e n c e o f e m o t i o n a l  was  Because  depth, i t  the i n d i v i d u a l  t o communicate  was  i n a mature and c l e a r  manner w i t h  the researcher  interview.  The c o - r e s e a r c h e r s were  women. study to  in a detailed  B e c a u s e t h e phenomenon  also  under  i s t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f t h e companion  a bereaved  m o t h e r , women  were s e l e c t e d ,  companions  a s t h e r e were m a j o r  gender  d i f f e r e n c e s between male a n d f e m a l e companions t o t h e b e r e a v e d background The of  i n the  literature.  c o - r e s e a r c h e r s were r e p r e s e n t a t i v e s the Western c u l t u r e , with  command o f t h e E n g l i s h language  language  so that  was n o t a b a r r i e r t o  articulating were a s k e d nature  an a d e q u a t e  the experience  to describe.  of the personal  between companion a culture-bound  that  they  Because the relationship  and g r i e v i n g person i s  experience,  t h e s t u d y was  -65-  c o n f l n e d w i t h i n t h e bounds of  the  Western  cu1ture. 3.  The  c o - r e s e a r c h e r s were s e l e c t e d  from  among t h o s e who  were c o m p a n i o n s t o a  bereaved  whose  parent  t h e r a n g e o f one the  time  of  l o s s took  to three years p r i o r  interview. i n an  This  time  frame was  that  t h e c o - r e s e a r c h e r was  removed  i n time  bereaved  person  in  i t , but  able  meaning tends I t was  also  be  the  to  sufficiently  t o be  to r e f l e c t  important  lacking  as  be  ensure  l o s s of  s o a s not  c o - r e s e a r c h e r s not  then  attempt  from  that  upon  the immersed i t , as  reflection.  the  t o o removed  their  to  designated  t o emerge upon  the e x p e r i e n c e  place in  from  reflection  i n immediacy.  It  would was  assumed t h a t t h i s optimum d i s t a n c i n g i n time  enabled  more f u l l y  the companions t o  and  impactfully,  them t o p r o v i d e a more picture The selected By  of  the  raising  and  comprehensive  identified  a network o f p e r s o n a l  the p r o p o s e d  enabled  experience.  c o - r e s e a r c h e r s were through  reflect  research  and contacts.  topic with  people  -66-  in  the personal  researcher,  and p r o f e s s i o n a l  three potential  identified.  c o - r e s e a r c h e r s were  One woman was i d e n t i f i e d  w o r k e r who r a n a B e r e a v e d  for her f r i e n d .  The s e c o n d  t h i s woman h a d p l a y e d was i d e n t i f i e d by  f r i e n d s of the bereaved  t h i r d woman was i d e n t i f i e d had  by a s o c i a l  P a r e n t s ' g r o u p a n d was  aware o f t h e s u p p o r t i v e r o l e  mutual  network o f t h e  p a r e n t s and the  by b e r e a v e d  r e c e i v e d c o u n s e l i n g from  the r e s e a r c h e r .  t h r e e women were c o m p a n i o n s t o b e r e a v e d in  that  t h e y made t h e m s e l v e s  who h a d s u f f e r e d death, of  the interview.  participated years.  available  the l o s s of her c h i l d  one t o two a n d a h a l f  mothers t o a mother through  years before  and a T r a v e l  remarried with  i n c l u d e d a Community  Agent.  no c h i l d r e n ,  a High  School  One woman was  one was s i n g l e w i t h no  a n d one was m a r r i e d w i t h  two c h i l d r e n ,  a g e d 5 y e a r s a n d 2.5 y e a r s .  A l l assessed  themselves  A l l became  as middle  to a bereaved close  t h e time  i n t h e s t u d y were 41, 42, a n d 31  College P r o f e s s o r of Psychology,  children,  The  The a g e s o f t h e women who  Their occupations  Counselor,  p a r e n t s who  class.  mother by v i r t u e  friendship with  companions  of a p r e e x i s t i n g  the bereaved  mother.  -67-  Procedures : The  Interview:  E a c h o f t h e t h r e e c o - r e s e a r c h e r s was interviewed  three  times  a n d t h e i n t e r v i e w s were  audio-taped  and t r a n s c r i b e d .  The a i m o f t h e f i r s t  i n t e r v i e w was t o g a i n a d e t a i l e d the e x p e r i e n c e aim  of b e i n g  of the second  a companion  the o r i g i n a l  purpose of the f i n a l  The  story.  The  i n t e r v i e w was f o r v a l i d a t i n g  the n a r r a t i v e d e s c r i p t i o n  to  in grief.  i n t e r v i e w was t o v a l i d a t e t h e  themes d e r i v e d f r o m  experience.  d e s c r i p t i o n of  The t h r e e  o r common s t o r y o f t h e  i n t e r v i e w s were f r o m  three  n i n e months a p a r t . First The  Interview  first  i n t e r v i e w took  t h e form of a  dialogue with  the researcher o r i e n t i n g  co-researcher  to the study  sample  that  format  experience  follows to begin  of the companions  I am t r y i n g being  and then  interested  e l i c i t i n g the  the experience of  to a g r i e v i n g person.  i n what y o u r e x p e r i e n c e  a s you made y o u r s e l f a v a i l a b l e through  u s i n g the  i n the study:  to understand  a companion  her loss.  each  I am  h a s been  t o your  I would a p p r e c i a t e  friend it  if  -68-  you  would d e s c r i b e your  detail  experience  i n a s much  a s p o s s i b l e a s i f you were t e l l i n g  a story;  me  that  i s , how y o u r  experience  what o c c u r r e d  i n the midst  o f i t , and how i t  ended,  i f i t has.  I will  began,  be a s k i n g you some  q u e s t i o n s o f what  i t was  like  companion  friend  i n her g r i e f , but  I'll  t o your  t o be a  r e s e r v e any q u e s t i o n s u n t i l  you  later.  Can  tell  me a b o u t  the beginning,  how you g o t  involved  in being  there  friend  she  lost  her c h i l d ?  The  intention  f o r your  at t h i s point  when  i n the i n i t i a l  i n t e r v i e w was t o e n c o u r a g e  the c o - r e s e a r c h e r t o  begin  of h e r e x p e r i e n c e ,  to recount  starting of  a t what  the s t o r y .  responding of  with  feeling,  encourage list  the story  s h e p e r c e i v e d t o be t h e b e g i n n i n g  By a c t i v e simple  the intent  reflection  and e m p a t h i c of c o n t e n t and  o f t h e r e s e a r c h e r was t o  the u n i n t e r r u p t e d flow of the s t o r y .  of preformu1ated  further  listening  investigate  A  q u e s t i o n s was on hand t o the assumptions u n d e r l y i n g the  study. I n c l u d e d were t h e f o l l o w i n g :  -69-  1.  In what ways d i d you make available  t o your  friend  yourself and what  k i n d of  t h i n g s d i d you do when you were t o g e t h e r ? 2.  D i d you do any f o r m a l c o n t r a c t i n g ? did  you make c l e a r  ways and f o r how t o be a v a i l a b l e  t o each  l o n g you w o u l d t o your  n e e d s were and p e r h a p s 3.  other  find  you  an u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f what like  be  able  yours as w e l l ?  you  p r o c e s s was  i n what  f r i e n d ; what h e r  What e x p e r i e n c e s o f y o u r own, yourself  How  i f any, d i d  d r a w i n g upon t o g i v e  o r what  the g r i e v i n g  you m i g h t  expect? 4.  D i d you f i n d the,pace go w i t h  5.  yourself  or would  you s a y you t e n d e d t o  the flow?  Sometimes, when a b e r e a v e d p e r s o n her p a i n , y o u r own  i t h a s a way pain  vulnerability was  of s t i r r i n g  o r memories o f y o u r  losses or g r i e f  6.  doing things to set  o r even  shares up own  your  to a potential  loss?  How  i t f o r you?  In t h e m i d s t process,  of your  friend's  i n what ways,  grieving  i f any, d i d you  -70-  feel  s h e s h o u l d change t h e way s h e was  g r i ev i n g ? In what ways was y o u r manner with  your  process  friend  of b e i n g  through her g r i e v i n g  congruent with  t h e way you were  before? What key moments, i f any, w o u l d you identify who  when you e x p e r i e n c e d  initiated  changes i n  c o n t a c t , where you met o r  how o f t e n you were t o g e t h e r , what you d i d when you were t o g e t h e r , talked  o r what was  about?  How w o u l d you d e s c r i b e y o u r r o l e ? described  i t as companion.  In what ways,  i f any, h a s y o u r r o l e a s  companion come t o an end? was t h e r e  I have  a ritual  formalizing  that  ( F o r example,  c l o s u r e ; a way o f  t h e r e h a d been c l o s u r e ?  Or was t h e r e a s i g n i f i c a n t  event?)  Knowing what you know now, w o u l d you have started?  Can you t e l l  me a b o u t  some o f  t h e b e n e f i t s , i f any ? Can  you t e l 1 me about  obstacles;  some o f t h e  some o f t h e t h i n g s t h a t m i g h t  -71-  have made you Just 13.  feel  What awkward d y n a m i c s , with  your  what ways d i d you helpful  15.  As  you  f o r the reflect  see  on  y o u r own  what m i g h t have h e l p e d  d e s c r i b e what was  I d o n ' t have-any o t h e r  experience  but  t o add  were o n l y  r e c o u n t i n g of  as  experience  and  haven't  guestions  i f you  I haven't  experience  have asked  related  to  i n c l u d e d i f not the  story.  the touched  They were  these  seemed t o t o u c h  upon t h e  questions.  i n t e r v i e w was  a reliving rapport  aspects  i n more d e p t h when t h e y  open-ended t o a l l o w  of  upon  raised the the  naturally  i s s u e s encompassed by  active  The  the  intentionally  f o r an u n i n t e r r u p t e d f l o w  of e x p e r i e n c e .  through  or  addressed?  to explore  The  to  you?  specific  I wonder that  helpful  at a p p r o p r i a t e j u n c t u r e s to encourage  co-researcher  In  marriage?  These g u e s t i o n s which  only  your r o l e  you,  you,  you  f r i e n d ' s spouse?  you  we  when I t  did  can  anything  the  i f any,  now,  t o ask  in  quitting,  seemed t o o much?  experience  14.  like  establishment  l i s t e n i n g was  crucial  and of to  -72-  the  co-researcher's  The  dialogue  trust. t o be  The  recounting  could  t h e n p r o c e e d on  primary  present  to  concern  the  or  the  dialogue  f u l n e s s of Second The  first  several  their  second  perusal  general  of  Co-researchers modifications  dialogue  and  (see  Protocols)  to  depth  companion, of  was  first The  interview  aim  of  exploring  through  the  the  discussing  for c l a r i f i c a t i o n  and  transcript, elaborations f o r v a l i d a t i o n of In a d d i t i o n ,  were p r e s e n t e d  A n a l y s i s and and  interview  the t r a n s c r i p t .  were a s k e d t o the  the  to continue  one  co-researchers  reflection.  to t h i s p o i n t .  co-researchers units  the  This  t r a n s c r i p t of  d e l e t i o n s , and up  seemed  arranged within  d a y s a f t e r the  impressions  necessary  was  story.  t i m e s t o add  interview.  i n t e r v i e w was  experience  at  of  researcher  questions  i n t e r v i e w was  r e c e i v e d a typed for  the  basis  Interview  the  scheduled  the  s h a r i n g her  the  and  experience.  meaning.  second  month of  of  person  When r a i s e d s e n s i t i v e l y , stimulate  of h e r  with  final  or  the  the meaning  I n t e r p r e t a t i o n of  were a s k e d  to check, e l a b o r a t e ,  and  -73-  verify  meaning u n i t s ,  a n d s u g g e s t any  modifications. Third The  Interview  third  i n t e r v i e w was s c h e d u l e d  a f t e r the  r e s e a r c h e r h a d composed t h e p h e n o m e n o l o g i c a l account  i n n a r r a t i v e f o r m by w e a v i n g t o g e t h e r t h e  common themes. present and  The a i m o f t h i s  the co-researchers with  the n a r r a t i v e d e s c r i p t i o n  t h e companion and  in grief  their  to reflect  of accuracy  The c o - r e s e a r c h e r s  their  themes,  of the experience of  that t h i s phenomenological  intended  t h e common  forvalidation  possible additions.  told  i n t e r v i e w was t o  were  d e s c r i p t i o n was  experience  as given i n  individual descriptions. Procedure: The  researcher  participation through  initially  o f t h e i d e n t i f i e d women i n f o r m a l l y  t h i r d person  r e s e a r c h e r ' s network. expressed and by  i n v i t e d the  c o n t a c t s from t h e In e a c h c a s e ,  i n becoming a p a r t i c i p a n t  a description  interest  i n the study,  of the r e s e a r c h study  m a i l . The i n t e r v i e w s were a r r a n g e d  convenience place  of the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s .  was  was g i v e n  at the  They  took  i n t h e r e s e a r c h e r ' s home o r d e s i g n a t e d  -74-  office.  B o t h v e r b a l l y and by w r i t t e n c o n s e n t ,  co-researchers the  research  to d e s c r i b e  were  informed  of the overview of  study,  and t h a t  they  in detail  their  experience  companion  to a g r i e v i n g person.  interrupt  the flow  intentionally reflection content  w o u l d be  the  asked  of b e i n g  In o r d e r  a  not t o  of the s t o r y , the r e s e a r c h e r  kept  most o f h e r r e s p o n s e s t o  of the c o - r e s e a r c h e r ' s  of the account.  f e e l i n g s and  The t i m e o f t h e  i n t e r v i e w s v a r i e d i n l e n g t h between two and two and  a half  hours.  The  semi-structured.  initial  Incorporated  open-ended a p p r o a c h were a l i s t questions,  created  researcher's The  actively  a s s u m p t i o n s about  and p e r s o n a l l y  phenomenon w i t h  participation p. 1 8 7 ) .  experience. g i v e up t h e  s p e c t a t o r a n d become  i n v o l v e d i n the psychologist i s  out h i s i n v e s t i g a t i o n a pre-comprehension  t h e phenomenon...  1973,  the  The p h e n o m e n o l o g i c a l  seen as s t a r t i n g  of  of preformu1ated  r e s e a r c h e r must  of d i s i n t e r e s t e d  phenomenon.  w i t h i n an  t o f u r t h e r e x p l o r e the  phenomenological  ""position  i n t e r v i e w s were  f r o m h i s own  of the meaning  e x i s t e n c e or  i n the everyday world" The  into a  i n t e r v i e w s were  (Colaizzi, taperecorded  -75-  and  then  transcribed,  descriptions  or p r o t o c o l s  each companion. by  Interpretation  o f t h e e x p e r i e n c e of  The a n a l y s i s o f t h e d a t a was  means o f a p r o t o c o l  interviews  which y i e l d e d the  analysis  of P r o t o c o l s ) .  were s c h e d u l e d  delineation  meaning u n i t s .  The  for verification of p r o t o c o l s  The t h i r d  interviews  scheduled a f t e r the r e s e a r c h e r phenomenological during asked  the i n t e r v i e w ,  concise  experience  of the coded  were  in narrative  form, and  t h e c o - r e s e a r c h e r s were  The r e s e a r c h e r  description  into  The  h a d composed t h e  to v a l i d a t e or introduce  description.  the  account  changes i n t o the  then rewrote the  or fundamental  incorporating  s t r u c t u r e of  a l l necessary  modifications. Analysis The typed  and I n t e r p r e t a t i o n  of  Protocols  d a t a , c o n s i s t i n g of the p r o t o c o l s  t r a n s c r i p t s of the  descriptions  and  second  and c o n d u c t e d .  c o - r e s e a r c h e r s were a s k e d researcher's  (see A n a l y s i s  done  co-researchers'  o f e x p e r i e n c e , were  phenomenological1y using  or  analyzed  methods o u t l i n e d by  Colaizzi  (Colaizzi,  1973, 1978) a n d G i o r g i  (Giorgi,  1970, 1975), and C o c h r a n &  Claspell  -76-  (Cochran & C l a s p e l l , the  researcher  protocols  1987).  to transform  the d e s c r i p t i v e  through a process  descriptive  reduction  of r e f l e c t i o n ,  and d e l i n e a t i o n  structural  meaning. F i r s t ,  and  i n order  reread  I t was t h e t a s k o f  into  t h e p r o t o c o l s were  f o r the researcher  a sense of the t o t a l i t y  Secondly,  Natural  without  of  i n meaning  time  into natural  there  meaning  meaning u n i t s a r e s t a t e m e n t s  idea,  regard  reasearch  theme, c o n c e p t  within  to W s  (Giorgi,  posed  within  1975). F o r example,  i n one  the f i r s t  entering  through her s h a r i n g  natural  role,  of the j o y of the b i r t h the g r i e f  of the  of h i s  death.  I was t h e r e  at the b i r t h .  them b e f o r e  they  that  meaning u n i t  i n t o t h e companion  of h e r f r i e n d s b e f o r e  subsequent  or d e s c r i p t i o n  t o t h e major q u e s t i o n  the p r o t o c o l s ,  points  son  each  (by m a k i n g  t r a n s c i p t w h i c h sum up o r make known a  particular  the  experience.  on t h e p r o t o c o l )  was a t r a n s i t i o n  the  and t o  t h e p r o t o c o l s were d e l i n e a t e d  a dividing line  units.  of  read  to r e f l e c t  upon t h e d e s c r i p t i o n s o f t h e e x p e r i e n c e gain  their  part,  lost  I was t h e r e  him. I t h i n k  t h e happy p a r t  with  I can l i v e  o f t h a t memory f o r  -77-  that  little  b i t o f time b e f o r e  came. So t h a t was r e a l l y The  f o l l o w i n g quote  shift  the g r i e f  important.  from the i n t e r v i e w  or t r a n s i t i o n  indicates a  i n meaning from the  companion's p a r t i c i p a t i o n  i n the j o y of the b i r t h  of  t h e f r i e n d s ' baby  of  l o s i n g h i m . The d e l i n e a t i o n t o t h e n e x t  meaning u n i t the  his  i s made when W. b e g i n s  events which  labour  to participation  l e d to her being  i n the f e a r natural  to describe  present  at the  and d e l i v e r y o f t h e baby, when t h e f e a r f o r  survival  began.  T h a t m o r n i n g , when A. went  into labour,  at  when A. c a l l e d . I  school  so I l e f t  was s u p p o s e d the  doctor  I don't be  so  t o be a b l e  didn't  think  t o go w i t h  i n , we'll  smart.  give  the doctor you a  m i n u t e , y e s , you c a n . So  when he was b o r n , h i s c o l o u r was b l u e . was f e a r r i g h t t h i s example,  focuses  call,  t h e hope we'd h a d , t h e n no you c a n ' t , a n d  then a t the l a s t  In  then  I ' d be a b l e t o  But t h a t m o r n i n g ,  you c a n come  them,  t h a t was v e r y  t h i n k he t r u s t e d t h a t  a support.  said  shcool  I was  away.  the co-researcher  on t h e f a c t  There  that  initially  t h e r e was an e l e m e n t o f  -78-  joy  in her  yet  there  experience is a shift  w h i c h marks t h e sense,  these  t h a t was  t o the e x p e r i e n c e  transition  a r e not  i n meaning.  clearly  momentary r e f l e c t i o n  on  separate,  the j o y  a foreshadowing  of  Interdepend  i t is logical  one  and  when t a l k i n g of  the p a r t of  the g r i e f  shifts  c a p t u r e what  to  to  The  participating  this  i n s t a n c e . The  an  acknowledgement o f meaning u n i t  the p o t e n t i a l  as  the  first  alert  two  to  of b e i n g r o b b e d  m e a n i n g comes w i t h W.'s available  The  of  next  Thus,  to i s to  to  the s h i f t  in  joyful become a detected contains  t o come, and  the  acknowledgmenet the j o y f u l transition  description to her  on  i n the  meaning u n i t  c o n t a i n s an  of  shifts  here  i n what has  the g r i e f  by  i s a need  i s the meaning s h i f t  the p r e c e d i n g u n i t .  and  in a  to p a r t i c i p a t i n g  in  present  one  intention  experience.  experience  of  In  i n f e r e n c e s , r a t h e r than  fearful  second  fear,  t h e c o - r e s e a r c h e r meant, and  emphasis from experience,  of  include part  the o t h e r . There  in t o p i c .  of a t o t a l  her,  i s accompanied  d i s c r i m i n a t e between m e a n i n g s h i f t s relating  to  t o come. The  t h e r e s e a r c h e r t o be  i n e m p h a s i s , and explicit  important  friends  of  focus in  being  i n the  of  -79-  anticlpatory  p e r i o d when C s  life-threatening, confirming  them  afraid the  she r e c e i v e s  Is  t h e news  h i s death.  So he went with  until  condition  i n t o I.C.U. that  whole day; B. b e i n g  f o r h i s death  office  r i g h t away. So  t h a n A...  and D. was  I  stuck  even more  I went  on t h e phone  to  into tell  me. T h i s method units, while theory,  of d e l i n e a t i n g n a t u r a l  clearly  described  i s challenging  speak c o n f i g u r a t i v e 1 y , association so  that  up and woven  in p r a c t i c e . People often  o f one u n i t  that  aspects that  w o u l d be b e t t e r  i s too large;  reduce  a  of thought  reflections, are  to analyzing  some o f t h i s u n c e r t a i n t y  task  of into  and i f  and subsumed  protocols.  picked  integrated  separated,  these are the  tend to  free  and  have been  have been n e g l e c t e d  integral  with  i n t o a s u b s e q u e n t u n i t . The  d e c i d i n g whether a s p e c t s a unit  by G i o r g i i n  o f t h o u g h t s , memories  strands  meaning  in a unit  challenges It i s possible in three  to  major  ways: 1.  People  often  meaning.  r e f e r back  It i s possible  t o an a s p e c t  of  t o r e f i n e meaning  -80-  by e x a m i n i n g and r e e x a m i n i n g units,  the meaning  by m a k i n g n o t e when a s t r a n d o f  meaning r e c u r s ,  and i n c l u d i n g  those  a s p e c t s of meaning which r e c u r ,  i n one  un i t . 2.  C o - r e s e a r c h e r s c a n be d i r e c t l y  asked t o  clarify  meanings  in 3.  and e l a b o r a t e  order  intended  t o r e f i n e meaning  units.  C o l a i z z i ' s C C o l a i z z i , 1975) method o f e x t r a c t i n g s i g n i f i c a n t o r key s t a t e m e n t s can  be u s e d  arrived  to further  at using  The s e c o n d s t e p code each n a t u r a l similarity  formulate  step  companion  i n g r i e f from  incidental. natural  statement  of meaning  to  protocol.  analysis  natural  i s to  meaning  the experience those  that  units  of the  were  Then each o f t h e r e l e v a n t  meaning u n i t s  i s to  meaning u n i t s . T h i s i s  separating  concerned with  analysis  to avoid  a particular of p r o t o c o l  method.  according  in order  a s e r i e s of f i n a l  a c h i e v e d by f i r s t directly  of p r o t o c o l  of meaning,  The n e x t  Giorgi's  meaning u n i t  redundancies within  v e r i f y the r e s u l t s  coded  i s r e f l e c t e d upon, a n d a i s constructed,  u s i n g the  c o - r e s e a r c h e r ' s words a s much a s p o s s i b l e . The  -81-  procedure person  often  what  involves restating  i s given  i n the t h i r d  In t h e p r o t o c o l . I t a l s o  i n v o l v e s some c h a n g e s f r o m what was a c t u a l l y t o what was i n f e r r e d co-reseacher; explicit  that  t o what  o r p r e s u m a b l y meant by t h e  i s , a movement f r o m what i s  i s implicit.  These f i n a l  u n i t s are recorded  on t h e 5" x 8"  is  that the second  f o r t h i s reason  vital  t o the process  co-researcher formulated The  index  cards. It  i n t e r v i e w i s so  of v e r i f i c a t i o n ,  i s invited  meaning  to validate  when t h e these  meanings.  next  s e t s of f i n a l of  said  step  i s t o compare e a c h o f t h e t h r e e  meaning u n i t s .  the r e s e a r c h e r  The e s s e n t i a l  i s t o go b e y o n d  task  individual  meaning u n i t s i n a s e t t o a statement  of t h e i r  common m e a n i n g , w h i c h c a n be r e f e r r e d  t o as a  theme.  a s one o f  The t a s k c a n be b e s t  imagined  l a y i n g o u t t h e t h r e e s e t s o f index of  the three c o - r e s e a r c h e r s  perusing  cards  f o r each  i n t h r e e c o l u m n s . By  t h e t h r e e s e t s o f index  cards, the  s i m i l a r i t i e s between m e a n i n g u n i t s c a n be discerned.  The r e s e a r c h e r ' s t a s k  i s t o match  c a r d s s o t h a t e a c h row c o n t a i n s s i m i l a r units.  As one c o - r e s e a r c h e r  might  meaning  e x p a n d upon one  -82-  aspect upon  of experiencce  i t or ignore  and another  t h i s aspect  may be some rows w i t h person  having  persons. common  list  only  altogether,  a gap; t h a t  no c o m p a r a b l e u n i t  The d i f f i c u l t i e s  might  touch  there  i s , w i t h one t o two o t h e r  of a r r i v i n g  o f themes c a n be r e d u c e d  at the  in three  ways: 1.  Each o f t h e common back  themes a r e r e f e r r e d  t o the p r o t o c o l s t o v e r i f y  that  each  theme r e f l e c t e d what was t h e r e a n d added nothing. 2.  In t h e t h i r d  i n t e r v i e w , t h e themes,  with  description  a brief  are presented validation fitted  Validation there  for  t o the c o - r e s e a r c c h e r s f o r  actual  by " a s k i n g w h e t h e r  contained  p r o t o c o l s that  i n the c l u s t e r  i n the  isn't  isn't  protocols"  accounted  o f themes a n d w h e t h e r  t h e c l u s t e r s o f themes p r o p o s e which  they  experience.  i s achieved  i s anything  original  of each,  t o determine whether  their  along  anything  i m p l i e d i n the o r i g i n a l (Colaizzi,  1978, p . 5 9 ) .  -83-  3.  I f the  common theme a c c u r a t e l y  the  meaning u n i t s  the  theme  For  to p o r t i o n s  t o be  a  the  m e a n i n g of  theme, a r e s e a r c h e r  can  refer  of  statement  i t i s based,  of  of  each  which  i s confirmed  generalized set  on  reflects  descriptions.  actual  meaning u n i t s ,  a  and  protocols,  the  the  confirmation  set by  back  of the  co-researchers. Writing  a  Description  In w r i t i n g the  companion  list  of  a description  in g r i e f ,  themes i n t o the  phenomenological the  narrative  narrative  fully  the  of  present  narrative  structure,  the  i s to  the  aim  a  referred  as  aim  of  the  illuminate  the  in g r i e f  i n t o an  structure  companion  i n g r i e f w h i c h a n s w e r s the  i s the  companion  m e a n i n g of  in g r i e f ?  the  The  experience  experience  procedure  that  condensing  integrated  i s achieved;  the  to  i n a way By  essential  what  of  of  i s t o weave  phenomenon.  description final  t o be The  companion to  experience  exhaustive  description.  the  the  intent  description  description  experience is  the  of  for  it is this of  the  question: of  the  writing  -84-  both  the d e s c r i p t i o n  and t h e s t r u c t u r e began  with  the r e s e a r c h e r ' s open-ended q u e s t i o n i n g o f t h e c o - r e s e a r c h e r s when t h e y were a s k e d story, and  a s i t was i n t h e b e g i n n i n g ,  at the end.  The s t o r y  form  to t e l l  their  i n the middle,  provided a vehicle  which  i n t u r n formed the b a s i s f o r a n a l y s i s .  Then,  i n the process  and  of e x t r a c t i n g meaning  f o r m u l a t i n g themes,  separate third  finer  i t was p o s s i b l e t o  differentiations  s t e p was t o d e t e r m i n e  themes; t o d i s c e r n w h i c h  of the whole.  themes r e f l e c t e d t h e  of the experience,  concerned in  t o determine  would appear  very it  the end.  t e r m s o f t h e way t h e y  helped it  with  general  attempt  interrelated  Rather,  the intent  incorporate  time,  form.  T h i s s t e p was a events  i n time, but  that the s t o r y  t o one o f  form  linearity.  o f t h e r e s e a r c h e r was t o  the c o n f i g u r a t i o n a l and  multidimensional vehicle  over  o f t h e companion a s  was n o t i n t e n d e d t o s u g g e s t the experience  the  T h i s o r d e r i n g o f themes  to order  reduced  i n the middle  and w h i c h were  the r o l e  in story  The  the sequence of  b e g i n n i n g o f t h e s t o r y , w h i c h were or midst  units  a s p e c t s of the experience  of the s t o r y  form.  Some  within  themes  -85-  d i m l n l s h e d a n d ended, taut o t h e r s d i d n o t . s t r a n d s o f a theme were and  continued  introduced  throughout.  to return  confirmation the  attempted  t h e common s t o r y  stories  told.  after writing description, structure. ways.  and a p p r e c i a t e  Secondly,  The s t o r y  could  I t was a t t h i s began.  point  Finally,  t h e n be c h e c k e d  the researcher  returned  t o v e r i f y that  of the i n d i v i d u a l  description  i n two  t o the  i t was a  true  descriptions.  t h e c o - r e s e a r c h e r s were a s k e d  to read  and t h e e s s e n t i a l  of the experience.  i f the d e s c r i p t i o n  structure  o f t h e phenomenon  i t was c o n d e n s e d t o i t s e s s e n t i a l  narrative  structure  the researcher  the nuances of  of the s t o r y  protocols  reflection  verify  that  and r e v i s i n g the n a r r a t i v e  Firstly,  original  the  a c t u a l l y r e f l e c t e d the  i n the d e s c r i p t i o n s .  the w r i t i n g  step,  t o be s e n s i t i v e t o  t o the complexity  being explored,  that  In t h i s f o u r t h  I t was c r u c i a l  become a t t u n e d  i t was  to the o r i g i n a l p r o t o c o l s f o r  whether  meaning  story,  and v a l i d a t i o n .  researcher  into the story  Once t h e r e s e a r c h e r h a d  a sense of the comprehensive necessary  Some  Each was a s k e d t o  and the e s s e n t i a l  f i t her experience,  t o f i n d how t h e  -86-  s t o r y might  be a l t e r e d  the e x p e r i e n c e . that  t o most a c c u r a t e l y r e f l e c t  I f c h a n g e s were n e c e s s a r y , i n  a s p e c t s d i d n o t f i t f o r one c o - r e s e a r c h e r ,  the o t h e r  c o - r e s e a r c h e r s were c o n s u l t e d b e f o r e  c h a n g e s w o u l d be i n t r o d u c e d . Issues The  i s s u e s of r e l i a b i l i t y ,  generalizabi1ity perspective concerns lived  experience  that meaning  with  from  results  traditional  Reliability,  a  empirical  That  i s , how a c c u r a t e l y do t h e  reflect  the i n d i v i d u a l s '  B e c a u s e t h i s r e s e a r c h method  a r e made e x p l i c i t ,  understand  and h o n e s t l y  phenomenological criteria  and s t r u c t u r i n g  i s one  the b i a s e s and assumptions of the  researcher to  the meaning of  i n s t e a d t a k e s on t h e m e a n i n g o f  experience? in which  understanding  and b e h a v i o u r  trustworthiness. research  r e s e a r c h , which  i n a d e s c r i p t i v e way.  drawn  psychology,  must be v i e w e d from t h e  of phenomenological  itself  construct  v a l i d i t y , and  i t i s essential  evaluate  r e s e a r c h , the a t t i t u d e s and  w h i c h a r e made e x p l i c i t  must be t a k e n  that  into  account.  by t h e r e s e a r c h e r  -87-  Validity, traditional  another  empirical  c o n s t r u c t drawn  from  r e s e a r c h , assumes  the  meaning of t r u e n e s s t o a p e r s o n ' s companion  in g r i e f .  obtaining  final  experience  The v a r i o u s s t e p s  results,  as a  leading to  included validation  by  the c o - r e s e a r c h e r s throughout,  t o s u b s t a n t i a t e the  accuracy  of her e x p e r i e n c e .  I t was  of the i n t e r p r e t a t i o n  only  essential  through  such  structure  Generalizabi1ity,  on t h e e x p e r i e n c e  as l i v e d .  t h i s methodological  approach,  o r t h o s e who  person  through  source  o f knowledge  their  p e o p l e who  I t i s assumed w i t h i n that  the  companion  f o r understanding  r e s e a r c h method companion  of the  a  bereaved  g r i e v i n g p r o c e s s a r e the  e x p e r i e n c e under s t u d y . this  the  I t i s not t h e i n t e n t  another,  are c o n s i d e r e d c u l t u r a l a r e companions  provides a definite understanding  of  t o g e n e r a l i z e to groups of but these  particular  co-researchers selected using particular  who  derived.  t a k e s on t h e m e a n i n g o f a  in grief  co-researchers,  the  o f t h e e x p e r i e n c e was  continuing dialectic companion  dialogue that  criteria,  r e p r e s e n t a t i v e s of  in g r i e f .  T h i s study,  people then,  starting point for  t h e phenomenon o f t h e companion i n  -88-  grief, further  and  i s i n t e n d e d a s an  refinement.  invitation  for  -89-  CHAPTER IV RESULTS To listed  provide a context in t h i s chapter,  f o rviewing  a brief  co-researcher's experience of  t h e themes  s y n o p s i s o f each  i spresented.  themes w h i c h a r e common t o t h e t h r e e  accounts  are c a t e g o r i z e d i n three  Beginning,  Middle,  described b r i e f l y .  and Ending.  w h i c h weaves t h e themes t o g e t h e r exhaustive companion version  account in grief  of t h i s d e s c r i p t i o n  structure  theme  i s then  description t o f o r m an  of the experience i spresented.  separate  clusters;  Each  The n a r r a t i v e  The l i s t  of the  The c o n c i s e  r e v e a l s the e s s e n t i a l  of the e x p e r i e n c e , which c o n c l u d e s the  chapter. Summary o f t h e C o - R e s e a r c h e r s ' The with the  the  f o l l o w i n g summaries p r o v i d e  an o v e r v i e w lives  grief  Experiences  of three d i v e r s e experiences i n  o f t h e women who became  to a close friend.  individuality  relationship particular  the reader  companions i n  The s t o r i e s  illustrate  o f t h e women, t h e v a r i a t i o n s i n  t o the bereaved  loss incurred.  friend,  and the  -90-  Co-Researcher L, a 41 y e a r children,  o l d woman, r e m a r r i e d  was c o m p l e t i n g h e r d o c t o r a t e  Psychology her  L  when she became a companion  friend.  I t was May,  many y e a r s gave b i r t h  1987, t h a t  prematurely  g e s t a t i o n ) t o twin boys. hours Care  and the second Nursery.  visiting  loss. three  L was  in hospital grieving  their  final  to removing  their  L was p r e s e n t  to her  a n d e m o t i o n a l l y whenever she  i n the Special  hospitalization.  type  said  the o f f i c i a l  t i t l e of  person, which g r a n t e d her v i s i t i n g  privileges  death  t h e months o f  the p a r e n t s and t h e i r  as they  was needed, a n d was g i v e n support  never  and f o r t e n months a f t e r t h e  support.  friend practically  17  and d u r i n g her f r i e n d ' s  year o l d daughter  life  ( a t 23 weeks  consistently  throughout  She a l s o a c c o m p a n i e d  from  to  her f r i e n d of  One son d i e d a f t e r  goodbyes b e f o r e g i v i n g consent son  in grief  He d i e d n i n e months l a t e r ,  to her f r i e n d  anticipatory  in Social  son s u r v i v e d i n the S p e c i a l  h a v i n g r e t u r n e d home. available  without  I t was c l o s e  of the second of c o n t a c t  Care  twin  in their  that  Nursery  d u r i n g the  to a year  a f t e r the  the frequency  relationship  and  changed w i t h  -91-  subsequent  life  position  f o r L,  of  child  a new  broad,  events, and  a demanding new  the p r e p a r a t i o n f o r the  f o r her  friend.  al1-encompassing  her  relationship  experience mutually talk  had  life.  to her  found  the  their  a 42  children,  year  was  friends  t o be  eagerly  awaited  at  time  the p a i n of  the  shared  present first  child.  friend  of d e l i v e r y , the death  they  and  of  to  invited  turned  with  to  in g r i e f  fear  firstborn  present them  with  in h i s  l i v e with  together planned  became a companion  to  to s h a r i n g in  W was  was  their January,  friends'  later.  no  long-time of  was  then  of h e r  hours  t h e n was  days w h i l e  able  experience  I t was  the b i r t h  f r i e n d s at the b i r t h ,  She  her  school c o u n s e l l o r  at the b i r t h  her  five  part  them.  invitation  twenty-four  and  a  the  o l d s i n g l e woman w i t h  son  death,  the  W  t h a t t h e j o y of  the  one  L and  employed as a h i g h  accepted  birth  resumed  I t was  i t s place.  l o s s and  Co-Researcher  1989,  had  f r i e n d but  w o u l d a l w a y s r e m a i n a p a r t of  when she  that  a c k n o w l e d g e d t h e y w o u l d a l w a y s be  about  W,  L felt  experience  manageable p o r t i o n i n her of  teaching  them f o r  his  e q u a l l y to  funeral. both  -92-  the b e r e a v e d  p a r e n t s as she s h a r e d  f r i e n d s h i p w i t h each couple. for  o f them  She was c o n s i s t e n t l y  t h e f i v e months t h a t  t h e same c i t y . available frequent  a h i s t o r y of  i n d i v i d u a l l y and as a available  her f r i e n d s remained i n  She h a s r e m a i n e d  open and  t o them by phone, by m a i l , visits  t o them  and by  i n s p i t e o f a one t h o u s a n d  d i s t a n c e between  them  imposed by a move.  c o n t i n u e d a s a companion them  mile She h a s  i n g r i e f t o the present  time,  and j o i n e d  their  daughter,  h e r namesake, one and a h a l f  after  the death  of t h e i r son.  Co-Researcher T,  a 31 y e a r  children, her  her  mutual upon  years  T o l d m a r r i e d woman w i t h  two  l o s s , was employed p a r t - t i m e a s a  Agent.  T became a companion  f r i e n d of twelve  evening  the b i r t h of  aged one a n d t h r e e y e a r s a t t h e t i m e o f  friend's  Travel  in celebrating  years.  in grief to  I t was an A p r i l  o f 1989, when s h e was r e t u r n i n g f r i e n d from  the scene  an A e r o b i c s c l a s s .  o f an a c c i d e n t n e a r  home t o d i s c o v e r h e r f r i e n d ' s  with a They  came  her f r i e n d ' s  two y e a r o l d s o n h a d  been h i t by a t r u c k and was en r o u t e t o Emergency. T made h e r s e l f  immediately  a v a i l a b l e with the  -93-  mutual  friend,  friends five  and  year  giving  r e l a t i v e s and  o l d daughter.  from h i s coma and day. was  T's  the  funeral,  availability  and  shared with her turn  of  Although  her  daily  offers  the p r i m a r y  strained loyal  in  and  T offered  and  death,  as her  recovered following  the  found h e r s e l f i n her  she  Within  support  friend needing  grief  rather  the  persisted  and  friend's  their  she  earned  her  the  pregnancy.  T  as  become The  acceptance feelings  trust  of  implicit  a companion  years following  f r i e n d moves i n t o  became  grief,  the r o l e .  initial  than  i n making  t h e o t h e r woman had  of  to  rejection  s i x months,  i n her  funeral.  continued  the u n c o n d i t i o n a l  a half  a subsequent  of  of h e r  t h i s r o l e . T c o n t i n u e s t o be one  the  f e e l i n g h u r t by  in s p i t e  rejection  friend  of  time  t o t h e demands of  support  personal  with  never  emotional  t o grow c l o s e r  companion  due  she  of s u p p o r t ,  began  friend's  of s u p p o r t , h e r  friend  T was  the r e l a t i o n s h i p  that  in s p i t e  phone c o n t a c t .  relationship  t o the  offers  t o t h e mutual  t o T.  up  that  child  and  informing  f o r her  in hospital  presence  received  support,  caring The  died  physical  openly  After  practical  this  the e a r l y  to her tragic  stages  i s aware of m a r k e r s  -94-  polnting process be  to significant although  a consuming  movement  i n the g r i e v i n g  the pain of the l o s s continues t o reality.  C l u s t e r s o f Themes The  common  themes p r e s e n t e d  in this  chapter  have been g i v e n s h o r t t i t l e s f o r c o n v e n i e n c e that  they  c a n be l i s t e d  categories. clusters;  Experience. the scene  Middle,  The B e g i n n i n g  into  and E n d i n g  three of the  includes a l l that s e t s  f o r b e c o m i n g a companion a n d t h e i n i t i a l  experience in  in three c l u s t e r s or  The themes a r e d i v i d e d  Beginning,  so  of s h a r i n g the l o s s .  the bulk  of the experience  The M i d d l e  takes  of b e i n g a  companion, a n d i n c l u d e s t h e e l e m e n t s o f t h e r o l e and  the p a r t i c i p a t i o n  midst  of the g r i e f  with  the bereaved  process.  aspects of the experience  The E n d i n g  indicating  toward c l o s u r e f o r t h e companion. themes l i s t e d , description Beginning  and each w i l l  i n the includes  movement  T h e r e a r e 24  be g i v e n  a  fuller  i n the f o l l o w i n g s e c t i o n .  of the Experience  1.  A P r e e x i s t i n g L o y a l t y of R e l a t i o n s h i p  2.  Sharing  3.  B e i n g Moved by t h e News o f Death  the A n t i c i p a t i o n  of Loss  -95-  4. Middle  Participating  i n the P a i n of  Loss  of the E x p e r i e n c e  5.  Being Present  6.  Practical  Support  7.  Listening  8.  Mediating  9.  Faci1i tat ing  10.  Encouraging  11.  Self-Reflection  12.  Participating  13.  Identifying  14.  Owning P e r s o n a l  15.  Sense of P e r s o n a l  16.  Deeper Sense o f t h e S p i r i t u a l D i m e n s i o n of  in Ritual  With the  Events  Loss  Needs Support  Life  17.  Need  f o r Normalcy  18.  Reflecting  19.  Overcoming O b s t a c l e s t o Companioning  20.  S e n s e o f Impact  21.  Empathy  on t h e G r i e v i n g  Process  on t h e M a r r i a g e  f o r S u r v i v i n g or P r o s p e c t i v e  Ch i 1 d r e n 22.  R e c o g n i t i o n of the Changing S e l f  Ending of the E x p e r i e n c e  -96-  23.  Restoring Mutuality  i n Changing  Re 1 a t i onsh i p 24. III.  Looking  D e s c r i p t i o n o f t h e Themes Beginning  1.  t o the Future  of  A Preexisting  Experience L o y a l t y of R e l a t i o n s h i p  One's p r e e x i s t i n g bereaved  f r i e n d s h i p with the  has a h i s t o r y  has w i t h s t o o d  a test  o f mutual  of time.  e x i s t s w i t h i n the context friends.  Within  loyalty,  The  friendship  o f a common c i r c l e  the p a r t i c u l a r  friendship,  i s r e g u l a r c o n t a c t v a r y i n g from a d a i l y to  at least  part  of a c i r c l e  Saturday rooted she  a weekly  encounter.  in that c i r c l e  and w e e k l y  and worked w i t h  share friend their  even  in  a t r u s t i n g mutual knew e a c h o t h e r  twelve  after  F o r W,  f o r four friend's  a r e a threesome  openness.  the l o s s ,  friendship  contact.  She knew h e r  h u s b a n d s were roommates  their  phonecal1  F o r L, she i s  her f r i e n d  l o n g e r , s o they  year p r e c e d i n g  there  and her f r i e n d s h i p i s  years before her marriage. husband  of  o f f r i e n d s who meet r e g u l a r l y f o r  morning c o f f e e ,  lived  which  who  T and h e r  y e a r s b e f o r e when in college.  they weathered a a breach  of  In t h e crisis  trust  -97-  threatened that  to sever  without  t h e i r bond.  a deep commitment  relationship  and a p e r s e v e r a n c e  T acknowledges t o r e c o n c i l i n g the that  proved her  loyalty,  the f r i e n d s h i p  restored  when h e r f r i e n d n e e d e d h e r t o g r i e v e t h e  death  2.  w o u l d n o t have been  of her son.  Sharing The  the A n t i c i p a t i o n  experience  begins with  o f t h e companion  the f i r s t  hint  into  the l i f e  turn  of events occurs.  of fear  in grief  that  intrudes  o f t h e f r i e n d when an u n e x p e c t e d  dread of p o t e n t i a l companion.  of the Loss  This  Initial  f e a r and  loss reverberates  L h a d been v i s i t i n g  t o the  her f r i e n d i n  hospital  d u r i n g a problem pregnancy  holiday,  h e r f r i e n d gave b i r t h p r e m a t u r e l y t o  twins.  L returned  from h o l i d a y  and w h i l e on  to receive  the  news o f t h e d e a t h o f one s o n , a n d s h e a c c o m p a n i e d her  friend  the  death of the second  later.  several  months o f a n t i c i p a t i n g  t w i n , who d i e d  When one i s g i v e n  anticipate companion grieving  through  the l o s s ,  an e x t e n d e d  there  to participate  n i n e months time t o  i s opportunity  f o r the  i n the a n t i c i p a t o r y  of h e r f r i e n d as they  themselves to the i n e v i t a b i l i t y  together that  resign  this  child  -98-  wlll  die.  happens  Resigning  in conjunction  r e m a i n open fully  oneself  the  birth  a w i l l i n g n e s s to  i n the v a c i l l a t i n g  f e a r s of t h i s u n c e r t a i n that  possibility  t o a t u r n of e v e n t s so as t o share  as p o s s i b l e  clear  with  to t h i s  death  time, u n t i l  i s imminent.  h o p e s and i t becomes  F o r W,  of her f r i e n d ' s f i r s t  a t t e n d i n g at  baby, she f e l t  first  p a n g s o f f e a r when t h e baby showed  being  traumatized  of  the d e l i v e r y .  as  the S p e c i a l  Intensive fear  after  Her j o y was  replaced with  He s u r v i v e d o n l y  when she h e a r d a c h i l d  "Oh  one day.  God, p l e a s e  don't  gripped  by  felt  first  He was  G",  rushed  the next  day.  i s no p r e p a r a t i o n .  f e a r and a s i c k  t h i s c o u l d go e i t h e r way.  friend  Her  l e t i t be  i n a coma and he d i e d  W i t h sudden t r a u m a , t h e r e  the  T  h a d been h i t and  t o have h e r f e a r s c o n f i r m e d .  Emergency  that  fear  C a r e Team w h i s k e d t h e baby t o  Care.  words were,  is  s i g n s of  t h e momentary e x h i l a r a t i o n  knew i t c o u l d be h e r f r i e n d ' s c h i l d .  to  the  and d r e a d on a p p r o a c h i n g t h e s c e n e o f an  accident  only  as  feeling One  One  of dread  j o i n s one's  i n a c o n s u m i n g s e n s e o f power 1 e s s n e s s i n  realization  that  a l l t h e hope  and d e n i a l i n  -99-  the w o r l d w i l l  n o t change t h e p o s s i b i l i t y  they a r e  facing. 3.  B e i n g Moved by t h e News o f Death When one r e c e i v e s  markedly with  t h e news o f t h e d e a t h , most  i n sudden d e a t h , one r e s p o n d s  an o u t f l o w i n g  o f t h e deep f e e l i n g  been h o l d i n g w i t h i n . opportunity  f o r the death and  the family  in saying  g o o d b y e s , s h e was f l o o d e d w i t h relief was  arms.  and t h a t  She f e l t  and s h e n e v e r his  short  life.  preparation, the  felt  was d i g n i t y  angry  t h e y each  responded  the surface  a pressing,  angry  happening",  a sense  one's f r i e n d  face  grateful for  t o t h e news o v e r  release  of s o b b i n g and  One, who e x p e r i e n c e s t h e l o s s  a s sudden a n d u n e x p e c t e d ,  be r e a l .  i n h i s death,  F o r W a n d T, who h a d no s u c h  tears of anguish.  cannot  the death  in h i s parents'  but r a t h e r  phone w i t h an immediate  Then t h r o u g h  that  t h e baby d i e d  there  their  the f e e l i n g of  and g r a t i t u d e w i t h a sense  timely,  one h a s  F o r L, who h a d t h e  to prepare  p a r t i c i p a t e with  immediately  f e e l s numb a n d d a z e d . numbness a n d d a z e ,  protest, that  "No!, t h i s c a n n o t be  this  terrible  One h a s a p r e s s i n g to face.  arises  nightmare  need  to see  -100-  4.  Participating  i n the Pain of Loss  One f e e l s one's own deep pain at how loss  this  i s touching her, but f e e l s a deeper  participation  in a l l that one's f r i e n d must  feel.  For W, she went to her f r i e n d and her husband and all  she c o u l d do was hug them as they h e l d the  baby who had d i e d . with  As she h e l d them and c r i e d  them, they were j o i n e d i n the shock and  disbelief  that t h i s baby they'd waited  such e x p e c t a t i o n , was now dead.  f o r with  A f t e r a long  time, her f r i e n d began to share her s t o r y . she a r r i v e d  at the home of her f r i e n d , who took  her a s i d e , and they cried.  For T,  j u s t h e l d each other, and  A f t e r some time, her f r i e n d poured out her  s t o r y , and T f e l t  the pain and h o r r o r of the  events l e a d i n g to the death of her f r i e n d ' s son. One f e e l s the depth of one's own h u r t , and imagines the ever deeper p l a c e of pain as she aches f o r the parents  in t h i s unfathomable p l a c e .  Middle of the Experience 5.  Being  Present  Because of the empathic s h a r i n g of the sorrow, the h u r t , the p a i n , one d e s i r e s to be present  to the bereaved f r i e n d .  One makes c l e a r  -101-  to  one's f r i e n d  willingness emotional  one's ready  t o respond  presence.  by h e r p h y s i c a l and  One i s h e s i t a n t a t t i m e s ,  u n s u r e o f when t o be f u l l y fade  into  the background,  sensitive herself then  needed h e r ,  time.  her  s h e was a b l e  talked daily  after  and d i d t h i n g s  in sharing her loss, the bereaved  the f u n e r a l .  a t any  on r e g u l a r  the death,  to the hospital  home t o be w i t h for  s h e was welcome t o c a l l  and f o r a year  friend  by phone and  t o s t r u c t u r e h e r time t o  L accompanied h e r f r i e n d  friend  L made  s h e w o u l d phone, a n d b e c a u s e L was a  W went d i r e c t l y her  initially  t o be  L knew t h a t when h e r f r i e n d  her f r i e n d  visits,  and when t o  i n one's attempt  available,  i n person.  assure  present,  t o t h e needs of the b e r e a v e d .  readily  student,  a v a i l a b i l i t y and  hospital  she and together.  t o be p r e s e n t t o and then  parents  returned  in preparing  T h e r e were moments, a s when h e r  f r i e n d woke f r o m a dream, h o l d i n g h e r baby a n d r o c k i n g him o n l y sensitively present,  to r e a l i z e  d i s c e r n e d h e r need t o e n t e r  to hold her f r i e n d  I t was a p p r o p r i a t e a t o t h e r friend  he was gone, when W  space.  W recognized,  and s h a r e times after  i n and be  the t e a r s .  to allow her five  intense  -102-  day s o f b e i n g p r e s e n t  In h e r f r i e n d s ' home, h e r  need f o r some s e p a r a t i o n t o r e f o c u s f o r h e r s e l f her  Job and h e r l i f e .  W remained present  friend  i n a new p a t t e r n o f f r e q u e n t  mutual  initiation  her  was r e j e c t e d ,  her w i l l i n g n e s s  of c o n f l i c t  T's p e r s i s t a n c e i n i n i t i a t i n g won h e r f r i e n d ' s  respond  t o T's openness t o b e i n g p r e s e n t  T sensed  herself And  her f r i e n d ' s  present  T was t h e r e  whether  the c a l l s  or the middle  expectation  of m u t u a l i t y  fundamental  t o the r o l e  In one  t o do s o .  came  i n the  of the n i g h t . without  i n the r e l a t i o n s h i p i s of the companion.  Support  the e a r l y  assumes  f o r her.  f o r h e r f r i e n d , n o t on h e r own  of dinner  Practical  phone  need t o t a l k , s h e made  One's o p e n n e s s t o b e i n g p r e s e n t ,  6.  between  and s h e began t o  g i v i n g her permission  terms, but a v a i l a b l e middle  trust  daily  contact  If  openly  and h e r f r i e n d  withdrew as i n a p r e v i o u s time them.  until  F o r T, s h e  t o h e r f r i e n d and was  upon a t t h e o u t s e t b u t then  t o be p r e s e n t  with  and t h i s p a t t e r n c o n t i n u e d  was c l e a r l y a v a i l a b l e relied  to her  contact  f r i e n d s moved f i v e months l a t e r .  on  s t a g e s of the l o s s , a v i t a l  i s a n t i c i p a t i n g what  role  i s needed, a n d  -103-  specifically practical  offering  t o take  functions.  One  on some o f t h e  takes  on s u c h  but  p r e s s i n g t a s k s of phoning d e s i g n a t e d  and  f r i e n d s to inform  occurred.  When t h e r e  sensitively  reaches  own  For both  needs.  important  the death has  f o r them a n d  L and T, t h i s was a  attending  everyday  t o the c h i l d ' s  i n f u n e r a l a r r a n g e m e n t s and w i t h of the  f o r information  t h i n g s as the f u n e r a l , r e a d i n g m a t e r i a l the g r i e f  recognizes important 7.  process,  Essential  that  as these  i t i s more  t o be r a t h e r  to  t a s k s a r e , one  difficult  than  f o r such  and c o u n s e l i n g  b u t even  t o do f o r h e r  more  friend.  Listening One becomes aware o f how  is  f o r the f r i e n d  at  any g i v e n  a  and  need t o g r i e v e .  t a s k s o f m e a l s , management  information.  their  p r o v i d i n g b a b y s i t t i n g and  house, and a s a r e s o u r c e  normalize  one  vitally  f u n c t i o n at the time of the death,  One a l s o a s s i s t s the  relatives  are s u r v i v i n g s i b l i n g s ,  out t o care  was an o n g o i n g r o l e , empathic  them t h a t  difficult  listener,  to express  time.  what  to hear  be f e e l i n g .  By  important i t  she i s f e e l i n g  One makes o n e s e l f  day o r n i g h t ,  w h a t e v e r she may  vitally  a v a i l a b l e as  from her  actively  friend,  -104-  llstening,  one  attempts  and  her  story.  retell  to help The  t h i n g s a h u n d r e d t i m e s and trusted friend  not  to r e j e c t  to talk  corresponds  to the  need t o c o n n e c t and  listener  to  one  One  who  express her  enables  from  and  fears  grief.  h e a r i n g the  of d e s p a i r .  competing the  facing,  that  she  (birthdays, give  rise  As  friend  changes with  changing  to  of  she anger,  listen one  markers  need f o r t h e  which  friend  for listening  circumstances,  from  t o s h a r e d m e a l t i m e s and  F o r W,  t o come t o t e r m s w i t h  had  that  to reassure  conversations, who  to give  the year p r o g r e s s e s ,  context  as  outpouring,  anniversary dates)  to a heightened  freely  to set aside  to p a r t i c u l a r  The  to  own  One's r o l e  initial  i s attempting  Christmas,  express h e r s e l f .  of her  f e e l i n g s of g u i l t ,  interruption.  becomes s e n s i t i v e  which  the e x p e r i e n c e  attempts  be  changing  demands w h e r e v e r p o s s i b l e  friend  without  One  t h e same  one's  a l l o w s her  time w i t h  t o the a s p e c t s o f  herself  say  tell  t h e companion can  p r o v i d i n g a s a f e p l a c e f o r the  voice  can  need d i c t a t e s ,  changes over  circumstances  friend  friend's realization  with  repetitively  friend  her.  as her  the  to  also  phone  activities.  the  effects  105-  of her  f r i e n d s ' move, e a s y  l i s t e n e r was letters,  removed, and  long distance  i s established  particular  context  and  calls,  she had  calls  deep t r u s t  letters  access for being a  difficulties  8.  i n a new  once  and  the  the  her  l o n g i n g s and adjusting  her  to her  situation.  Mediating One  between  sees oneself the bereaved  involved;  the p e r s o n  a s an a p p r o a c h a b l e and  of c o n n e c t i o n w i t h  early  stages, t h i s role  available unable  t o be  and  the  In  by  t h o s e who  the bereaved person  directly.  a n s w e r s q u e s t i o n s , and  relays  information  in accordance with  friend's  role  important  the  these f u n c t i o n s .  changes over  time a s  f o r o t h e r s to i n i t i a t e  the  screens  phonecalls,  conduit  the  feel  between  l a r g e r w o r l d as one  r e a d i n e s s to take over  a  t a k e s the form of b e i n g  i n v o l v e s becoming a b u f f e r  bereaved  peripherally  the bereaved.  approached  to approach  also  t h o s e more  channel  t h r o u g h whom o t h e r s f e e l  sense  It  But  Through  W c o n t i n u e d to hear  own loss  visits.  i s secondary.  sadnesses  of her  on  i n the r e l a t i o n s h i p ,  f r i e n d ' s deepest story  and  to r e l y  This  i t becomes more contact  directly  -106-  and  f o r the bereaved  reintegration people.  One  to begin  process with finds  channel due  One  to personal  seen  dialogue with  progressively  the  As  time  the bereaved  encourages  i n the  reintegrate  with  the  who  larger  the  loss  might  elapses friend,  they  be  and one  o t h e r s to approach  i n t e r e s t s of the  this  bereaved  d i r e c t l y , r e g a r d l e s s whether  children,  the  have  friend's  need  to  community.  Faci1itating One  help her One  societal  or because of h a v i n g c h i l d r e n  through  9.  corresponding  f o r months a f t e r  reminders.  to  subsequent  others choosing  discomfort with  as p a i n f u l  friend  finds  of communication  friend,  of c o n t a c t  r e a d i n e s s r a t h e r than  expectations.  n e t w o r k s of  v u l n e r a b l e and  t o widen c i r c l e s  to personal  larger  painful  oneself o f f e r i n g protection  o n e ' s f r i e n d w h i l e most freedom  the  becomes a c a t a l y s t to accept  r e f l e c t s and  hears  and  actions, feelings. trying  and  seeks  One  validate  names f o r the  observes, and  f o r the b e r e a v e d  experience.  f r i e n d what  one  o f t e n u n d e r l y i n g her words always to v a l i d a t e  tries  to express,  her  to  to discern  and  her  what h e r  r e f r a i n s from  and  friend is  suggesting  - 1 0 7 -  how  she  within  'should'' f e e l .  F o r L, she  her  f r i e n d was  an  "something  Inside her  t h a t was  knowing than her w i l d indicate", trust  she  s o she had  n o r m a l i z e d her p a r e n t s , who and was  intuitive  swings  validated  in her  and  f o r the  F o r W,  she w o u l d name and  time w i t h her  identify  their  saw  her  as c a t a l y s t  to g r i e v e in t h e i r  f r i e n d , who  10.  her  understanding  identify  anger  own  Encouraging  the unigue loss,  and  way by  thereby  those d i f f e r e n c e s .  as e n a b l i n g her one  another  way.  F o r T, saw  friend  y e t be  freed  i t meant  and h e a r d  gave e x p r e s s i o n t o h e r  fami 1y.  her  express.  ways o f g r i e v i n g ,  t h e s t r e n g t h she  doing so, appeared in her  or  the  She  toward  legitimate  to accept  and h e r h u s b a n d t o h e a r  reflecting  and  f r i e n d ' s husband, would  different  friend  role  sense  e x p e r i e n c i n g her  spending  h e l p i n g her  that  n e e d e d t o a c k n o w l e d g e and  friend  and  o f mood w o u l d  showed no s u p p o r t  felt  her  more m e a s u r e d  f r i e n d ' s resentment  a catalyst  saw  sense,  friend's process.  friend  she  d i s c e r n e d that  grief,  t o T as the h e a l t h i e s t  in her and  in  person  W  -108-  By u n c o n d i t i o n a l l y expression h e r need  of sadness,  one  implicitly  For  L and W,  by  at moving  way  explicitly  and p o i n t e d  f a r s h e ' d come by  and  she e n c o u r a g e d  at  of c a r i n g  activities  friend  phases  of  grieve.  referring  to  this  encouragement.  out  F o r T,  the markers  t a k i n g one  day  for herself. the f r i e n d  One  i n the f r i e n d ,  to r e i n t e g r a t e  in a  at a time, occasionally i s hesitant  in former  t i m e and one  she  indicating  to take breaks  but w i t h  life,  to  former  s i g n s of  begins to i n v i t e  the  socially.  Self-Reflection One  sees oneself  on  in s p i t e  of competing  demands ( o f c h i l d r e n ,  studies,  and w o r k ) ,  support,  a non-judgemental  and  of  the f r i e n d  and o p p o r t u n i t e s t o resume  avenues,  readiness  11.  her  times to include  social  anger,  f r i e n d ' s e x p r e s s i o n of f e e l i n g s  how  a s a way  fears,  i n t o new  encourages  they o f f e r e d  a f f i r m e d her daily  longings,  friend's  t o work out p e r s o n a l m e a n i n g f o r h e r s e l f ,  and a m b i v a l e n c e  process,  a c c e p t i n g one's  reflection,  as u n c o n d i t i o n a l listener,  as  i n one's and  approachable conduit f o r others to  the b e r e a v e d  friend.  One  available  a  safe  approach  a c c e p t s the p a r t  one  -109-  plays  as i n t e g r a l  one's f r i e n d role  called  b u t what  One p i c t u r e s o n e ' s  upon a s p a r t  l i e s dormant  t h i n g , n o r a s an awaiting  t o be  o f f r i e n d s h i p a s d e t e r m i n e d by  n e e d s o f t h e moment.  "the she  on h e r j o u r n e y .  of accompanying  not as a j o b or p r o f e s s i o n a l  obligation,  the  t o the process  L imagined h e r s e l f as  beanbag c h a i r , so i f her f r i e n d  fell  into i t ,  w o u l d t a k e h e r s h a p e , b u t s h e w o u l d be f i r m  enough  that  L felt  t h e r o l e was what a h u s b a n d and w i f e  one  another  friend like  her f r i e n d would never h i t the f l o o r " .  i n some e m o t i o n a l  i n o f f e r i n g non-judgemental  a mother  i n one's concern  make d e c i s i o n s she  needs.  story.  present  the s t o r y  h e r , and that  to receive  spirituality  when t h e t e a r s  needed t e l l i n g , and  and r e c o r d  the u n f o l d i n g  She p i c t u r e d h e r s e l f a s a n o t h e r s e t o f  eyes and e a r s ,  and as a v o i c e  friend's  be h e a r d  voice  appropriate, role.  and  the bereaved  on t h e r o l e a s a  of p r e s e n c e , o f b e i n g  there  a best  from those not s e n s i t i v e t o h e r  W reflected  needed s h a r i n g ,  like  support,  that  that would not hurt  be p r o t e c t e d  being  sense,  are to  that  l e t her  t h r o u g h h e r when  as at the funeral  and i n h e r c o n d u i t  F o r T, " i f someone s a i d , what w o u l d you do,  -no-  how  w o u l d you  w o u l d be;  it;  make no  not  to judge,  and  just  12.  do  don't  pain  take breaks, give  beginning with throughout special  of  the f u n e r a l  the d e a t h .  the bereaved e v e n t s and  dreams.  who  or f u n e r a l the  the community  and are  F o r W,  felt  she  offered  joins  the  spiritual  e n t e r e d , through  comfort  the words  was  and  of c o n s o l a t i o n m i n g l e d w i t h  s e a r c h e s f o r ways t o be  t o the  shared  funeral  i s aware of each m a r k e r as i t  sensitive  friend.  L knew t h a t  very c o n s c i o u s of s p e c i a l  p r e d i c t a b l e markers,  but  b a b y ' s c o n c e p t i o n , o r New  to  experienced  pain.  and  the  their  a time  approaches  by  in g r i e v i n g  the music, One  then  is invited  l o s s of  in h e l p i n g to prepare  s e r v i c e w h i c h she  i n the  markers,  or memorial  One  anew, f o r t h e p a r e n t s and  as  Events  as b i r t h d a y s , Christmas,  speak a t t h e m e m o r i a l  gratitude  try  yourself,  t h e months, marked a s t h e y  anniversary  f u t u r e and  listen,  look a f t e r  in Ritual  in r i t u a l  days such  advice  up."  p a r t i c i p a t e s with  intensified  i t , my  demands, s i t b a c k ,  Participating One  you've done  days,  especially her  not  friend  the  the a n n i v e r s a r y of Year's  Day  the  when  the  the  -ill-  b e g i n n i n g o f t h e end was temperature receptive  recorded  to her  would  listen  the event  i n a memo book.  friend  d e p r e s s i o n s w i t h one  of  and  images she  by  t o s h a r e h e r own  For  she  she  as h e r  loss,  child's  d i s c o v e r e d that  like  child's  absence.  missing  in contrast  that  I t was  had  as  a day  l o s s of  L felt  exper i ence.  dreams.  that  as  empathy  intensified  that  on w h i c h one  he  too  was  by  sensitive  p h o n e c a l l on thirteen  was of h i s  the  months gratitude.  significance  r e m a i n i n g open t o the  her  not  r e c e i v e d w i t h deep  days,  as  Christmas,  becomes a t t u n e d t o the p a r t i c u l a r  and  she  Christmas  friend,  f r i e n d ' s son,  h i s d e a t h , was  receptive,  relived  to the a n n i v e r s a r y date  of her  these s p e c i a l  she  F o r W,  C h r i s t m a s was  a day  birthday  of  loss.  a day  t o be happy. So T's  One  and  friend  the  dying.  expected  after  periodic  f r i e n d ' s response s i x  f o r her  t h e b i r t h d a y , was  d e a t h , w h i c h was  as her  images and  l e a r n e d by h e r the  L became  d o i n g s o , gave p e r m i s s i o n t o h e r  friend  months a f t e r  a spike in  these markers,  which r e t r i g g e r e d  approached  painful  l i n k i n g her  w i t h compassion  acknowledged the  T,  i n d i c a t e d by  friend's  and  -112-  13.  I d e n t i f y i n g With  that  One  e n t e r s so  fully  one  l i v e s the  pain  own  life  the  loss.  the  friend's  of  Loss i n t o the  and  friend's  So  intense  pain  i s the  loss that  associated  significance  for potential  are  To  a result  varying  triggered, This  degrees,  as w e l l  stirring  up  a consuming p r e o c c u p a t i o n .  the  her  of  her  losing a close too,  child  the  f r i e n d through  death  of  another her  was  so  f i x e d on  own  personal  She  was  her  losses  aware t h a t  plans for children, touched her  friend  potential  and  loss  friend's  motherhood.  had  the  recent  attention that  her  ponderings. a child  l o s s would She  W  losses  background  herself  loss of  For  f o c u s of  i n her  were as  her  up  suicide.  child  her  i f she  L,  expected  previous  stillborn  m o t h e r , but  For  intense experience  t h e r e were memories of  including  stirred  p r e v i o u s d e a t h s f r o m the to  fear  from a r e f l e c t i v e  friend's  grandmother  the  of  pondering to  memories of  losses  as  fears  of  one's  past  memories and  death  varies  of  and  w i t h memories of  losses.  one's  i d e n t i f i c a t i o n with  associations  made.  loss  experiences that  i s i r r e t r i e v a b l y c h a n g e d as  c o n n e c t i o n s are own  the  or  have  observed  -113-  that  each  were  i d e n t i f y i n g with  own  new  parent  children.  For  young c h i l d r e n , triggered  the  T,  the  f o r her  in t h e i r c i r c l e potential  herself  impact  an  of  her  shattering  of  life.  awoke each m o r n i n g w i t h  brick  She  f e e l i n g " that  ripples  i n a pond,  had  for  the  children,  her  spouse, her  and  her  her,  friends  health  t h i s powerful  s e n s e of and  whole e x p e r i e n c e .  i t ' s the  heavy b r i c k  going  feel  I'm  going  to  that  in  feel  hardest  sick  that  just  14.  Owning P e r s o n a l  in her  like spread  her her  own parents, For  part  of  same age.  And  I know  again.  I d o n ' t want  sad  that  and  us.  to happen.  feeling.  and  a  the  " i t s c a r e s a l l of  there waiting  That I'm to.  horrible,  I don't  for  and  like i t " .  Needs  commits o n e s e l f ,  to g i v i n g e n d l e s s l y  her  "sunken  and  of  a  i d e n t i f i c a t i o n was  I t ' s going  way  it's  One  out  died,  loss  and  this  health,  a r o u n d the  unknown.  terrible to  the  T said,  a l l have c h i l d r e n  me,  fear  safety  own  two  friend's  evoked  and  their  in ever widening c i r c l e s .  consuming r e a l i t y  We  had  fear  to a fear  l o s s of  seemed s e c u r e  a child the  friends  a mother of  al1-pervasive  a l l that  of  in taking  f r o m o n e ' s own  on  this role,  gracious  but  -114-  albeit  limited  unspoken  agreement w i t h  has taken  place;  voluntarily  attempting  who  one's f r i e n d  i n favour  i s weathering  to survive.  personal  One e n t e r s  felt  the need t o acknowledge  resources request,  a t an  t o do j u s t i c e  right  reservation.  the emotional this  limitations,  s h e was t h e n  able  F o r T, s h e t o o l i m i t s when a s k e d  and i n s o d o i n g was a b l e  the p a r t i c i p a t i o n  resources  acknowledging her  a c k n o w l e d g e d h e r own p e r s o n a l speak p u b l i c l y ,  back.  u n c e r t a i n and f e a r f u l  to f u l f i l l i n g  After  the request.  i n the  t o speak a t t h e  a s she had g i v e n h e r emotional  fulfill  and  inopportune  t h a t s h e was  she would f i n d  needs and p e r s o n a l  to  to invite  o f h e r h u s b a n d , who s h e i n t u r n  supported.  15.  crisis  not t o c u t h e r o f f but  M e m o r i a l , s h e was i n i t i a l l y  to  personal  of something but would c a l l  F o r W, when s h e was a s k e d  without  of the needs o f  had c a l l e d  a n d s h e was s e n s i t i v e  t o whether  been  F o r L, s h e a c k n o w l e d g e d  time  as  that a s h i f t  n e e d s , f o r example, when s h e was  aware t h a t h e r f r i e n d  middle  i n t o an  t h a t o n e ' s n e e d s have  set aside  the b e r e a v e d  her  resources.  Sense o f P e r s o n a l  Support  -115-  One  r e c o g n i z e s o n e ' s own need f o r s u p p o r t ,  someone t o t u r n t o when one n e e d s t o e x p r e s s a l l that as  h a s been s u p p r e s s e d  t h e f o c u s h a s been on t h e f r i e n d ' s  T h i s need dawns w i t h g i v e n up m u t u a l i t y the  time  For  L a n d T, t h e i r  of  i n o n e ' s own e x p e r i e n c e ,  the r e a l i z a t i o n  in relation  of the l o s s .  support;  they  and  But o n e ' s own n e e d s  since remain.  h u s b a n d s were a p r i m a r y  source  p r o v i d e d a p l a c e of refuge  where  without  F o r L a n d W, a c l o s e woman  confidante offered  reticent  t h a t one h a s  t o the f r i e n d  one c o u l d be h e l d o r c o u l d speak reservation.  experience.  t o share  support.  openly  with  friend  T was more  another  woman  because of a r e c e n t b r e a k i n g of a c o n f i d e n c e hurt  her deeply.  One t e n d e d  o t h e r s whose c o m f o r t grief  was w i d e r  that  to gravitate to  zone a b o u t d e a t h  due t o t h e i r  friend  and l o s s and  own e x p e r i e n c e .  T h e r e was a p a s t o r a n d a male companion  in grief  f o r W, a f r i e n d who worked  i n P a l l i a t i v e Care f o r  L, a n d T ' s m o t h e r .  the f a i t h  that of  by  she and h e r f r i e n d  support  faith  F o r W,  and c o m f o r t ,  experience,  experience  shared provided a source and w i t h i n t h a t  she f e l t  the love of her f r i e n d  shared  r e f r e s h e d and s u p p o r t e d and her f r i e n d ' s  -116-  husband. al1  She a c k n o w l e d g e d t h a t f o r h e r , i t wasn't  one way.  16.  Deeper Sense o f t h e S p i r i t u a l Regardless  faith,  which  of one's e x p e r i e n c e  one e x p e r i e n c e d  goodness  i n the midst  lent  nothing  religious  a deepened sense of of t r a g i c  circumstances,  F o r L, s h e was t o u c h e d  by t h e  o f a v u l n e r a b l e d y i n g c h i l d who h a d  to give  way c a l l e d  of  c l a r i t y t o o n e ' s own s p i r i t u a l  experience. experience  Dimension  t o h e r and y e t i n some  forth  a sense  of compassion  mysterious in her,  e n a b l i n g h e r t o g i v e t o t h i s c h i l d who c o u l d  never  g i v e back, s t r e n g t h e n i n g h e r so t h a t she c o u l d i n turn  strengthen  love  f o r h e r own f a t h e r .  incarnational experience of  faith  sense  h i s m o t h e r , and even  of events.  She e x p e r i e n c e d  accepting  the mystery  darkness,  which  deepening a  of the  the t r a g i c a deeper sense of  o f God s h a r i n g  strengthened  a  her f r i e n d  i n the midst  t h a t h a d come t h r o u g h  circumstances.  in her  She e x p e r i e n c e d  i n God, a n d s h a r e d w i t h  God's p r e s e n c e  s h e h a d an  v i e w o f God p r e s e n t  o f God's p r e s e n c e  darkness  F o r W,  f i n d anew t h e  this  her r e s o l v e to accept  i n h e r own p l a c e s o f p a i n and  -117-  hard-heartedness, or  who  are  have done  you  no  longer asking,  'where a r e  t o be  allowing this'  a s she  in the p a s t .  indeed a powerful that  are so,  g r o u n d , and and  God  Her  when you  you  can  still  touch  I mean he not  T's  was  a l s o one  i n God,  mystery  t h a t was still  with  of God  experienced  that hasn't  w h i c h was  fragility.  in her  own  intact  Although  receptive  own  experience;  she  got  God  be  in  is is  i t " .  personal of  for her.  life,  a l l that  though  the She  was  imbued w i t h  t h i s seemed t h e w o r s t her  life,  l a c k of u n d e r s t a n d i n g  to f i n d i n g  to  of g r a t i t u d e f o r a l l  most s e n s e l e s s t h i n g t o t o u c h her  the  l o v e them  of d e e p e n i n g  humbling  a renewed s e n s e  precious  into  a God  a greater acceptance  untouched, s t i l l  accepted  hearts  created night, there  but  experience  not  are  acknowledging that there  God's d a r k n e s s  faith  touch  them and  acknowledge the p a i n , you're  God's d a r k n e s s ,  17.  can  might  "You  t h a t a r e s h a t t e r e d , smushed  d e n i e d . . . . I t ' s more an  new  words were,  you  the goodness  b e l i e v e d i t was  in  not  a  and  she and  was  this f o r naught.  Need f o r N o r m a l c y One  nature  i s drawn  t h a t one  i n t o an  experience  so  r e c o g n i z e s the need f o r  intense in glimpses  -118-  of  normalcy.  and  One  finds  f o r n o r m a l i z i n g and l i g h t e n i n g  w i t h humour.  L said,  felt  can't  you j u s t  about  every  container river  t o h e r how  i t kept  forward  falling  One  L's f r i e n d  frivolity  son's ashes  i n t o the F o r T's  the only t h i n g  they had t o look  i n the f i r s t  f r i e n d went  Glimpses  over  of the former  funeral  familiarity. t o the p l a c e  familiar  their  arrangements.  p a t t e r n s of b e i n g and d o i n g  things are r e a s s u r i n g reminders irretrievable  of the fun  One d e a l s w i t h  a l s o by s i t u a t i o n s o f  morning j o g to t a l k  a f t e r the  the o c c a s i o n a l  and s u p e r f i c i a l i t i e s .  s h e a n d a mutual  their  year  t h e need f o r g l i m p s e s  and r e l a t i o n s h i p ,  intensity,  was  where t h e y were a c c u s t o m e d t o b e g i n n i n g  18.  and h e r  r e l e a s e d the  f l o a t i n g back.  apart  sensed  of l i f e  F o r W,  being serious  to, according to s t a t i s t i c s ,  marriage  the  together; I  a n d h e r f r i e n d ' s h u s b a n d , t h e y were a b l e t o  l a u g h w i t h T about  loss.  life  they  relief,  the e x p e r i e n c e  d i d laugh  go t h r o u g h  containing their  a n d how  friend  "they  serious thing".  husband r e l a t e d  side  t h e need f o r c o m i c  that  although  an  change h a s t a k e n p l a c e , t h a t what i s  i n the r e l a t i o n s h i p w i l l  Reflecting  one day  on t h e G r i e v i n g P r o c e s s  return.  -119-  One  acquires beliefs  grieving process several  and one's p l a c e  sources.  significant  i n i t from  One's own e x p e r i e n c e o f  l o s s e s l e a d s one t o r e a l i z e  l o s s and o n e ' s r e s p o n s e one  and n o t i o n s a b o u t t h e  also realizes  from  to loss  that  i s unique.  experience  every  But  that there are  aspects of g r i e v i n g  t h a t a r e common;  talk  o n e ' s f e e l i n g s and t o f i n d  and t o e x p r e s s  another  who w i l l  listen  with  t h e need t o  acceptance,  to  s e t the pace, and the awareness t h a t  is  an i n t e n s e a n d p o t e n t i a l l y  experience. unique aunt  accepted  response  in her l i f e  to loss, while  grandmother's b u r i a l . experience friends' and  laughter as a  en r o u t e  to her  W l e a r n e d through a parent  lose a parent  learned life,  l o s s and g r i e f  and t h e r e  f e e l i n g s and t a l k through  h e r own  and w a t c h i n g h e r  that  In s t u d y i n g P s y c h o l o g y , that  to loss i s  understanding  loss  there are acceptable d i f f e r e n c e s  grieves.  of  of l o s i n g  each  when an  her h y s t e r i c a l  grieving  consuming  L learned that the response  early  the need  both  i s unique i n how one L and W  are undeniable  parts  i s a need t o e x p r e s s the about  her previous  the p r o c e s s .  L learned  l o s s o f a f r i e n d by s u i c i d e  -120-  that  grief  intense, was  c o u l d be  and  could  not  a l s o necessary  because of L  ever-present, be  learned  supporting  through  others  set aside,  to take  i t s consuming  and yet i t  breaks  nature.  considerable  so;  and  occasional  in g r i e f  components t o d o i n g  powerful  that  experience  there  in  are c e r t a i n  t h a t once c o m m i t t e d ,  you  d o n ' t w i t h d r a w , however p a i n f u l and  time-consuming  is  aside  the  process,  agenda t o be resources  and  that  in s e t t i n g  a v a i l a b l e to your  and  in f a c t  y o u r own  r e s e r v o i r s were r e f i l l e d " , t o y o u r own T her  out,  l e a r n e d by  friend,  shoes,  agenda,  by  stoicism  enabling  you  empathically in her  one's f e e l i n g s ,  to  return  present  to  friend's  however  observed  that  f r i e n d ' s h u s b a n d was  detrimental  to himself  She  learned  e a r l y on,  one  means o f  and her  taking care  acknowledged that  the  grieving involved getting i t  w h e r e a s she  of h e r  had  you  "spiritual  putting herself  expressing  own  refreshed.  being  that healthy  unacceptable,  friend,  your  need a s  the  proving  in h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p s . own  need f o r s u p p o r t  of h e r s e l f ,  as  and  l e g i t i m a t e and  healthy.  -121-  Each d i s c o v e r e d t h a t written  example  found  helpful  in retrospect.  t h a t h e r own e x p e r i e n c e  what s h e h a d r e a d a b o u t  L, f o r  d i d not f i t  stage models of g r i e f ,  t h e r e a r e e m o t i o n s t h a t you know w i l l  present,  but they  manifested personal  grieved,  come  in different  differently".  experience  experience  of  helpful  r e s o u r c e s , but the p a r t i c u l a r l y  r e s o u r c e s were d i s c o v e r e d  "that  t h e r e a r e some  be  p l a c e s and a r e  One draws f r o m o n e ' s own  of having  grieved,  of having walked with  one's  o t h e r s who have  a n d f r o m o n e ' s own empathy  t h e f r i e n d who a c t s a s a g u i d e  f o r the needs  i n the g r i e f  process.  19.  Overcoming O b s t a c l e s One who v o l u n t a r i l y  grief  to another,  t o Companioning becomes a comapanion i n  i s c o n f r o n t e d by  o b s t a c l e s w h i c h must be overcome remain  committed.  demanding t h i s  non-sanctioned  e n e r g y , a n d commitment.  found  they  although  willingly  role  i s how  i s i n terms of  F o r L a n d T,  they  s e t a s i d e c o m p e t i n g demands  h u s b a n d , and d i s s e r t a t i o n s ) ,  their  available,  i f one i s t o  The m a j o r o b s t a c l e  time,  (children,  inevitable  and  p r i o r i t i e s were t o r e m a i n  t h e r e were t i m e s when t h e t a s k  was  -122-  d r a i n i n g a n d t h e y were t i r e d others. this it  In L / s w o r d s ,  " h e r e was t h i s  discounted".  large  desperately  had  a thorough b a t t e r y  alleviate  i t was  of medical  that  chunk,  on t h e r e c o m m e n d a t i o n  that  once s h e  s h e took t h e of her  the d r a i n i n g nature of the r o l e  at the outset herself  often  t e s t s to  her f e a r s f o r her h e a l t h ,  W felt  reorient  family,  needed a h o l i d a y ;  needed h o l i d a y doctor.  o r my  T found a t the end of a year  she  the  with  l a r g e amount o f e n e r g y a n d t i m e and b e c a u s e  wasn't my s o n d y i n g  only  and abrupt  when s h e r e a l i z e d h e r n e e d t o  t o h e r own  life  and work a f t e r  p a r t i c u l a r i n t e n s i t y of l i v i n g with her  friends felt  f o r t h e week a f t e r t h e l o s s .  that  one c o n s e q u e n c e o f g i v i n g up  in  t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p was a r e t i c e n c e  or  confront  the f r i e n d as f r a g i l e  was h e s i t a n t  to explore  relationship  or concerns that  explore  to  also  mutuality challenge  t h e f r i e n d on i s s u e s and c o n c e r n s .  One p e r c e i v e d  conflict.  One  The d e g r e e  a s p e c t s of the might  raise  t o w h i c h one v e n t u r e d t o  c o n c e r n s depended upon  felt  i n the r e l a t i o n s h i p .  felt  very  secure with  and a v o i d e d or  t h e s e c u r i t y one  F o r example, W,  her f r i e n d , r i s k e d  who  exploring  -123-  her  friend's  resistance  she was c a r r y i n g  to bonding with  t h e baby  and t h e e f f e c t h e r u n d e r s t a n d a b l e  self-protectiveness  was h a v i n g on h e r m a r r i a g e .  L, whose r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h h e r f r i e n d was  less  s e c u r e due t o a p r e v i o u s m i s u n d e r s t a n d i n g ,  was  more h e s i t a n t effect  20.  t o e x p l o r e h e r c o n c e r n s about t h e  o f t h e l o s s on h e r f r i e n d ' s  Sense o f Impact By  parent,  on t h e M a r r i a g e  b e c o m i n g a companion one by i m p l i c a t i o n  spouse.  marriage.  i n g r i e f t o one  i s also  s u p p o r t i n g the  By b e a r i n g some o f t h e p a i n w i t h t h e  b e r e a v e d m o t h e r , o r a s an a c c e p t e d p a r t threesome w i t h both b e r e a v e d on  the bereaved  that  father  presence. viewed  p a r e n t s , the burden  i s lightened.  the f r i e n d ' s spouse  One  i s grateful  some r o l e and i t was  feels  f o r one's  F o r L, s h e d i s c o v e r e d t h a t  as t h i s s p e c i a l  of a  s h e was  third party adult,  who h a d  i m p o r t a n t , and h e r f r i e n d ' s  h u s b a n d knew i t and h e r f r i e n d knew i t a n d s h e herself  knew  i t . W, who was f r i e n d s  both p a r t n e r s i n the marriage, p r e s e n c e was h e l p f u l acceptance in  facing  felt  in encouraging  equally  with  that her their  o f t h e i r u n i q u e ways o f g r i e v i n g , a n d the f e a r s w i t h each  other that  they'd  -124-  expressed assured  Independently  of  Whether one  t h e b e n e f i t s of o n e ' s  explicitly, that  to her.  one  felt  o n e ' s r o l e was  welcome by  was  presence both  partners  a p p r e c i a t e d as h e l p f u l  and  to  the  marr i age, 21.  Empathy One  f o r S u r v i v i n g or P r o s p e c t i v e C h i l d r e n  is primarily  m o t h e r , but  there  present  i s a special  the s u r v i v i n g c h i l d r e n for  subsequent  adult  friend  friend, on  the  For  accompanying her  L,  like  daughter  of her  with  friend,  younger s i b l i n g  by  the c h i l d  fears surrounding  the  22.  Self  The  Changing  One  is surprised  through with  the  the  their  and  a  special of  visits,  year  l o s s of and  her  and  baby  old child  their sensitive  f e e l i n g s and  to  any  loss.  to gain unexpected  one's e x p e r i e n c e . friend,  was  the s u r v i v i n g  being prepared  express  she  o l d daughter  five  helped  d y i n g and  plays with  goodbye t o h e r the  to g r a p p l e with  help  one  on h o s p i t a l  final  T,  bereaved  the p r e p a r a t i o n  L,  three year  n i g h t of her  role  and w i t h  children.  t o the  brother.  to the  One  benefits  f e e l s a deeper  bond  d i s c o v e r s a deeper c a p a c i t y  -125-  to enter  i n t o the p a i n  of o t h e r s ,  d e v e l o p more m e a n i n g f u l One  finds oneself  expressing vulnerable. herself, pain".  to risk  openness i n  f e e l i n g s and t o be  W s p o k e o f " o p e n i n g up a p a r t  a part  that has broken,  She f o u n d  that  zone when f a c e d w i t h her  compassion  her  dying  the pain  she h a d a w i d e r  the p a i n  f o r her f r i e n d  inside of the  comfort  of o t h e r s .  F o r L,  and p r e v i o u s l y f o r  s o n , f r e e d h e r t o c h e r i s h h e r own  in a l l h i s i m p e r f e c t i o n . experience  lightening  the load of another.  of  she was  F o r T, she became  of o t h e r s  s e l f - a c c e p t i n g and s t r o n g e r experience  a gift  j o y i n knowing t h a t  more p a t i e n t l y a c c e p t i n g  father  She d e s c r i b e d h e r  a s l e a r n i n g and a c c e p t i n g  g i v i n g , which brought  23.  l o v e and  relationships generally.  more w i l l i n g  o n e ' s own  t o show  within  and more h e r s e l f ; her  matured h e r .  Restoring  Mutuality  and Change i n  R e l a t i onsh i p One e x p e r i e n c e s  changes  i n the r e l a t i o n s h i p  to the bereaved  f r i e n d because of the i n t e n s i t y of  experience  have s h a r e d .  voluntarily in  they  Whereas one  g i v e s up any e x p e c t a t i o n  the r e l a t i o n s h i p i n the b e g i n n i n g  of mutuality with  the  -126-  crisis  i n the f r i e n d ' s  a s p e c t s of the former movement  life,  relationship  t o w a r d an e n d i n g  companion. concerns  the s i g n s of resuming  the l o s s ,  together.  movement  spent  both  p e r s o n a l l y and p r o f e s s i o n a l l y ,  a student  Inevitable life  focus.  of the  to other  g i v i n g new f o c u s f o r  time  this shifting  a  of the experience  One f i n d s a g r a d u a l  besides  indicate  changes,  contribute to  F o r L, she moved from  to a full-time  teaching position  being while  her  f r i e n d moved t o w a r d h a v i n g  a new b a b y .  she  a n d h e r f r i e n d were s e p a r a t e d by h e r f r i e n d ' s  move, and t h e f o c u s a l s o s h i f t e d w i t h of  a new b a b y .  with  a new c h i l d ,  relationship concerns  began  and mutual  tiptoeing  pregnant  i n T's j o y s and  around her f r i e n d i n  of her f r a g i l i t y  communication  c o n t a c t began  was more mutual  initiation about  of the exchanges.  Looking  to Future  t o a more  of needs.  t o resume f o r m e r  commitments b r o u g h t  24.  also  to r e c i p r o c a t e i n the  by b e g i n i n g t o s h a r e  acknowledgement  content  the advent  and i n o f f e r i n g exchanges of c h i l d c a r e .  T moved f r o m  of  F o r T, h e r f r i e n d ,  F o r W,  taken a shift  The  honest  frequency  patterns,  there  a n d t h e new in focus  i n the  -127-  One becomes aware o f a s u b t l e s h i f t from  the present  future which  of the bereaved  t o a concern friend.  one's f o c u s s h i f t s  varies with L,  moment  "the experience  The d e g r e e t o  in her l i f e .  an a l l - c o n s u m i n g  T h i s broad  was one p a r t o f h e r f r i e n d ' s  experience the  had found  al1-encompassing  talk  both  As L l o o k e d t o  phases of  o f t h e l o s s and w o u l d c o n t i n u e their  shared  tendency  o v e r f o c u s on h e r immediate w o r l d , touch w i t h  larger  she e x p e r i e n c e d  concerns,  that  just  to  causing her to  a beginning s h i f t  of the l o s s .  had her pregnancy  her f r i e n d  a p a r t of  i s s u e s and c o n c e r n s .  b u t t h e f o c u s was s t i l l  implications had  life.  their  experience  them, L f e a r e d f o r h e r f r i e n d ' s  T,  but the  s h e knew t h e y w o u l d a l w a y s be a b l e t o  friendship with  lose  specific;  she and h e r f r i e n d  i n t o new and s e p a r a t e  Although  life  i t s place".  f u t u r e , she found  moving  For  f o r h e r h a d resumed a  t h i n g h a d come down t o s o m e t h i n g q u i t e it  concerns  s i n c e the l o s s .  m a n a g e a b l e p o r t i o n r a t h e r than place  f o r the  toward f u t u r e  the e l a p s e d time  of focus  For  toward f u t u r e  on p r e s e n t  F o r example, T ' s f r i e n d confirmed  but T f e a r e d  and husband had not y e t  -128-  sufficiently gone.  come t o t e r m s w i t h  She was c o n c e r n e d  too with  l o s s h a d on t h e i r m a r r i a g e the  future,  solid  she longed  family after  she f e l t  their  son b e i n g  t h e impact t h e  and a s s h e l o o k e d t o  f o r them t o have  a good  a l l they had s u f f e r e d .  t h e p r o c e s s o f b e i n g a companion  F o r W, to her  f r i e n d h a d c h a n g e d b u t i n no way h a d e n d e d . looked  t o the f u t u r e with  healthy for  child  and a l l the changes  her f r i e n d s  foresaw  previously  and h e r r e l a t i o n s h i p  them h a v i n g a c h i l d  bring  t o them.  She  they d i d n ' t  have, but she p r o j e c t e d t h a t  w o u l d be r e l i v e d  f o r a long time".  f e e l i n g s about  experienced  process  "the i n t e n s i t y  the t r i g g e r s ,  She  "the l o s s compared  l o o k i n g a h e a d t o what s h e  i n h e r own g r i e f  mother's death; are  that would  of a  a change where t h e p a i n w o u l d c o n t i n u e t o  lessen with  her  the impending b i r t h  She  isn't  f o l l o w i n g her there, there  b u t somehow t h e i n t e n s i t y i s  1 ess". Narrative The and  Description themes o f t h e e x p e r i e n c e were  interwoven  the meaning grief.  t o form  a descriptive  of the experience  integrated  account of  o f t h e companion i n  -129-  Descrip't i o n The  experience  o f t h e companion  b e g i n s when one makes o n e s e l f friend  faced with  loss.  At the f i r s t  into  the l i f e  turn  of events occurs,  available  available to a  the p o t e n t i a l hint  in grief  of a s i g n i f i c a n t  of f e a r  that  intrudes  o f o n e ' s f r i e n d when an u n e x p e c t e d  to her.  one becomes p r e s e n t  One's r e a d y  and  availability  stems  from a p r e e x i s t i n g f r i e n d s h i p c h a r a c t e r i z e d mutual With  l o y a l t y which has stood  the i n i t i a l  all  her v a c i l l a t i n g  outcome. event  W i t h sudden  e i t h e r way. realization world w i l l them.  at t h i s uncertain  trauma a t b i r t h there  One i s g r i p p e d  nauseating  One s h a r e s t h e t i m e and  hopes and f e a r s about the  o f an a c c i d e n t ,  oneself.  overtakes the  one, h e r f e e l i n g s  t o t h e companion.  f r i e n d ' s bewilderment  that  the p o s s i b i l i t y of  impending death of a loved reverberate  the t e s t of time.  f e a r and dread  f r i e n d when f a c e d w i t h  by a  or i n the  i s no t i m e  to prepare  by f e a r and a s i c k  f e e l i n g of dread  that  this could  go  One j o i n s o n e ' s f r i e n d i n t h e d a w n i n g that  a l l t h e hope and d e n i a l  n o t change t h e p o s s i b i l i t y  When-one  i s given  an e x t e n d e d  i n the  that  faces  time t o  -130-  anticipate  the death,  the  scene  One  resigns oneself  o f an Emergency Room b u t i n s l o w  while w i l l i n g l y  t o the p o s s i b i l i t y  r e m a i n i n g open  turn  of events, u n t i l  that  death  one  resign  anticipatory  themselves  clear  there i s preparation, i n the  g r i e v i n g as t o g e t h e r they  t o the i n e v i t a b i l i t y  t h e moment t h a t  1  to a miraculous  i t becomes p a t e n t l y  i s imminent. When  motion.  of death  has the o p p o r t u n i t y t o p a r t i c i p a t e  friend's  In  i t i s a s i f one h a s e n t e r e d  news i s r e c e i v e d  of death.  c o n f i r m i n g the  d e a t h , one r e s p o n d s w i t h an o u t f l o w i n g o f t h e deep feeling had  that  h a s been h e l d  i n check.  the o p p o r t u n i t y t o prepare  p a r t i c i p a t e with  the family  f o r the death and  in saying  goodbyes,  i s flooded with a f e e l i n g  gratitude  t o have s h a r e d  dignity  of the death  e x p e r i e n c e s the death after and  an i n i t i a l  dazed.  Then,  cannot  of t h i s c h i l d .  a n d even t h e One who  a s sudden a n d u n e x p e c t e d ,  outpouring of f e e l i n g , through  be h a p p e n i n g !  be r e a l .  their  of r e l i e f and  i n the l i f e  the s u r f a c e  numbness a r i s e s a p r e s s i n g , T h i s cannot  One who h a s  angry  i s numb  shock a n d  p r o t e s t ; No!  T h i s apparent  nightmare  -131-  One face  has  a p r e s s i n g need t o see  to face,  together, reality  to share  and  B e c a u s e of hurt,  to h o l d her  the  pain, the  availability. friend's  share  present her  appropriate freguent  One  the  contact  the  calls  to respond and New  than  the  One  of  the  her  the  of  patterns  responding  with  mutually  taken.  f a r as  One  dinner  to  whether or  of m u t u a l i t y  t o be  sets  is possible  One's o p e n n e s s t o  i s discovered  the  be  of  the  their  i t becomes  expectation  the  being in  fundamental  the to  companion.  finds oneself  anticipating  in  talk  of more  one's a v a i l a b i l i t y  night.  the  need t o  when t o a l l o w  initiative will  without  of  to her  i s usual  emerge, and  friend  relationship role  cry  sorrow,  one's f r i e n d  come i n the m i d d l e  m i d d l e of  the  the  becomes s e n s i t i v e t o  c o m p e t i n g demands a s  present,  to  one's p r e s e n c e .  s h a r i n g of  feelings,  u n d e r s t o o d how  assure  i n by  assures  distance.  relationship  aside  held,  friend's shattered  to enter  one  be  friend  immediate n e e d s , s t r u g g l i n g t o d i s c e r n  when t o be and  i n the  empathic  pain,  and  one's  f r o m the  n e e d s of specific  the  outset,  bereaved person,  offers  of  assistance,  and by  -132-  t a k i n g on  such p r a c t i c a l  phoning to of  the  inform  loss,  that  as  doing  being  her as  the these  to her  to t e l l  and  necessary.  retell  One  to share  herself  the  relationship,  listening  becomes aware important  attempt  s t o r y , as  demonstrates a the  provides  actively  to  the  encourage  repetitively  she  will  a safe place  of  the  activities, calling.  facilitates  as  she  f r i e n d what she u n d e r l y i n g her her  of  names and  hears  and  w o r d s and  feelings.  and  the  context  anger,  for whether or  long-distance  friend's grieving  identifies  observes,  for  the  often  a c t i o n s a s she One  she  i s e s t a b l i s h e d in  i s immaterial,  mail  the  that  phone, d u r i n g m e a l t i m e s  o r even by  One  experience  by  not  for  experience  particular  to one's f r i e n d  than  non-judgemental  friend  Once deep t r u s t  in person,  validate  meals.  f e a r s f a c i n g , f e e l i n g s of g u i l t ,  despair.  be  one  or  is available,  her  aspects  and  it  t a s k s of  i n an  assures  of f r i e n d s  funeral  i s less  One  friend  One  rejected.  friend  friend  circle  the  tasks are,  f o r her.  acceptance which be  everyday  f o r the  there  listening  a designated  a s s i s t i n g with  m e m o r i a l , and Essential  f u n c t i o n s as c h i l d c a r e ,  seeks  l e a r n s to r e f r a i n  to from  -133-  suggesting identify loss  how  that  she 'should''  feel.  t h e f r i e n d ' s way  i s unigue,  one i m p l i c i t l y  By h e l p i n g t o  of g r i e v i n g her or e x p l i c i t l y  communicates t o the f r i e n d ' s p a r t n e r o f how  one g r i e v e s ,  grieve  in their  the  thereby  own way.  f r i e n d ' s expression  fears,  e n c o u r a g i n g each t o  One n o t o n l y of sadness,  a n g e r , and r e c o g n i z e s  personal  an a c c e p t a n c e  longings,  h e r n e e d t o work o u t  m e a n i n g , b u t she a l s o  offers  encouragement by p o i n t i n g o u t m a r k e r s grieving process is  taking place  included  process.  One  with  the f r i e n d t o begin  necessity  avenues t o  The f r i e n d s e t s  the pace.  f o r b r e a k s becomes a p p a r e n t ,  as r e c o g n i z i n g  b r e a k s a s a way  o n e ' s own  and one  occasionally,  need t o t a k e  of c a r i n g f o r o n e s e l f .  one p a u s e s t o r e f l e c t ,  available  outlets.  the p r o c e s s of  encourages the f r i e n d t o take breaks  As  t o be  h e r , one p r o v i d e s  reintegrating socially.  as w e l l  uses  i n f o r m e r p u r s u i t s and s o c i a l  encourage  movement  i n what seems t o h e r t o be an  to the f r i e n d ' s readiness  Through d i a l o g u e  The  i n the  i n d i c a t i n g to her that  a l l - c o n s u m i n g and e n d l e s s sensitivity  encourages  one s e e s o n e s e l f  i n s p i t e o f c o m p e t i n g demands o f  as  -134-  children,  studies,  one's s u p p o r t safe  and work, as u n c o n d i t i o n a l i n  as a non-judgemental  listener,  and  approachable  conduit f o r others to  approach  the bereaved  friend  buffer There in  between  the f r i e n d  i s a sense  any  way  that  r e n d e r i n g , but  rather  it  means t o accompany  As  one  person  chair,  so  take her her  that  herself  received  and  as a v o i c e that through in her  her  be,  don't  there  one  i s an  the  journey. beanbag  i t , she  would  f i r m enough  s e t of eyes  that  One  person  and  ears  f r i e n d ' s v o i c e be  The  a d v i c e one  to another  look a f t e r  and  heard or  person  in t h i s r o l e  demands, s i t b a c k ,  take breaks,  As  o f what  on h e r  h i t the f l o o r " .  l e t her  offering  give  part  as a p p r o p r i a t e , a s a t t h e f u n e r a l  "make no  judge,  into  or  is  r e c o r d e d the u n f o l d i n g s t o r y  conduit r o l e .  suggested  one  i t , "she was  as another  world.  an o b l i g a t i o n  integral  fell  a  protective  larger  service  she w o u l d be  f r i e n d would never  imagined  the  one's f r i e n d  friend  s h a p e , but  as a  i s not  i s an  expressed  i f her  and  this  a professional  and  as  listen,  would  t r y not  yourself,  and  to  just  up!". accompanies the f r i e n d awareness that  on h e r  the p a i n of  journey,  loss i s  -135-  retriggered markers.  and  intensified  in r i t u a l  or memorial  and  continues  t h e s u c c e e d i n g months a s each approaches, Christmas  such  and  into  special  the  l o s s of  releasing  the  what m i g h t sensitive  i t s implications  friend,  One  as p a i n f u l  significance  One  who  at these  and  learned that  fear  stirring  receptive  and  images of  loss  and  heightened f o r her  of  of her  t o the  be  the  child.  particular  these s p e c i a l  days,  include u n p r e d i c t a b l e markers.  becomes a companion loss  i d e n t i f i e s w i t h her  for potential up  dreams by  came s i x months a f t e r  t h a t m e m o r i e s o f o n e ' s own the  the  t i m e s of  as the death  grieving a significant her  own  One  s e a r c h e s f o r ways t o  t o the f r i e n d  f o r some,  times  reliving  companion  becomes open and  which  One  C h r i s t m a s , which  l o s s , was One  f u t u r e h o p e s and  t o the f r i e n d ' s  intensity.  the d e a t h .  to share her  have b e e n .  marker  d a y s as b i r t h d a y s ,  images a t t h e s e  friend  in  throughout  significant  the a n n i v e r s a r y of  s h a r i n g o n e ' s own  all  and  T h i s b e g i n s w i t h one's p a r t i c i p a t i o n  the f u n e r a l  enters  events  to a  lives  friend  the p a i n w i t h  l o s s t o the e x t e n t past  l o s s e s as w e l l  losses are t r i g g e r e d .  o f memories and  fears varies  from  as This a  -136-  reflective with  pondering  t o a consuming  preoccupation  the r e a l i z a t i o n  t h a t o n e ' s own  life  irretrievably person  may  a s f o r example  as a  When t h e imagined  loss as one's  i f a c h i l d h a s d i e d and  o f o n e ' s own,  identification precious  shaken.  i s s u f f e r i n g can be  has c h i l d r e n  is  One's f o u n d a t i o n s  be p r o f o u n d l y  one's f r i e n d own,  changed.  is  t h i s powerful  can evoke s u c h  i n one's  life  one  sense  of  f e a r s that a l l that  i s imbued w i t h  a  new  fragi1i ty. Because of the i n t e n s i t y b e i n g a companion own  personal  with  in g r i e f ,  needs.  legitimate  r e l a t i o n s h i p with replenish  of  o n e ' s own,  one a c k n o w l e d g e s  sees h e r s e l f  emotional,  n e e d s t h a t have been  to  One  without  voluntarily  the bereaved  o n e s e l f and s e e k s  and  friend. a support  where  of  one's  person social  set aside  a p l a c e of r e f u g e , whether  i n the  One  needs  network with  it is  t o r e l e a s e o n e ' s f e e l i n g s and t o t a l k reservation.  Sometimes,  t o w a r d s t h o s e whose c o m f o r t loss  as a  spiritual,  one's h u s b a n d o r c l o s e f r i e n d , possible  of t h e e x p e r i e n c e  i s w i d e due  to t h e i r  one  gravitates  zone about d e a t h  life  experience.  and  -137-  Belng  a companion  the h e a r t  of  life,  spiritual  outlook.  In g r i e f  which  c l o s e to  lends c l a r i t y t o one's  Regardless  f a i t h , one  t a k e s one  of o n e ' s  experience  of  religious  of  compassion, p a t i e n c e , s e 1 f - f o r g l v e n e s s s ,  se1f-acceptance, are s p i r i t u a l transcendent  and  has  There and  p e r s p e c t i v e and  and  one  beliefs.  experience  in her  strengthen  the  anew t h e  circumstances.  the mystery  of  person  life  r e c e p t i v e to  was  being  own  moved by  called  forth  the  s o deep t h a t she child's  of God  i n the e v e n t s  had  mother a s he own  was  of her  father.  walked with  friend.  in t r u s t i n g  of empathy  d i e d and One  to  person and  discovered  s h a r i n g the d a r k n e s s  her  the  incarnational life,  in h i s  a sense  compassionately  faith  suffering  to e x p l o r e one's  love f o r her  whose e x p e r i e n c e present  finding  of a v u l n e r a b l e , d y i n g c h i l d who  defense 1essness,  compassion  to  i n the  tragic  i s open and  One  of o t h e r s , w h i c h  i s open  of  qualities  assumes a  goodness  t h i s experience  spiritual  find  and  i s a deepened sense  moved by  to  One  come i n t h e wake of  of God  utter  acceptance  in nature.  meaning, purpose, that  d i s c o v e r s inner  God  where  she  This strengthened  her  the compassionate p r e s e n c e  of  own  -138-  God  with  h e r i n h e r own p l a c e s o f p a i n a n d  hardness.  There  gratitude still  that  intact  i s an o v e r w h e l m i n g s e n s e o f  life  is a gift  and untouched  and a l l t h a t i s  i n o n e ' s own  life is  p r e c i ous. One and  i e drawn  spiritual  i n t o an e x p e r i e n c e  depth  that  I s s o i n t e n s e t h a t one  r e c o g n i z e s some need f o r l e v i t y . humour a n d g l i m p s e s relationship deals with  tends  of emotional  One f i n d s  o f what was f a m i l i a r to lighten  the i n t e n s i t y  that  i n the  the experience.  One  by s h a r i n g humourous  moments a n d by r e t u r n i n g o c c a s i o n a l l y t o s i t u a t i o n s of f a m i l i a r i t y  and s u p e r f i c i a l i t i e s as  r e a s s u r i n g reminders  life  its  normal One  of having  One  resume  o n e ' s own  g r i e v e d , of h a v i n g  o t h e r s who have g r i e v e d , a n d from  o n e ' s own empathy w i t h guide  again  the g r i e v i n g p r o c e s s and  i n i t by d r a w i n g from  experience  walked with  will  course.  l e a r n s about  one's p l a c e personal  that  t o what one n e e d s  t h e f r i e n d who a c t s a s a i n the g r i e v i n g  i s c o n f r o n t e d by i n e v i t a b l e  must be overcome b e i n g a companion  process.  o b s t a c l e s which  i f one i s t o r e m a i n c o m m i t t e d t o in g r i e f .  The m a j o r o b s t a c l e i s  -139-  the in  demanding n a t u r e of t e r m s of  often  t i m e , e n e r g y , and  d i s c o u n t e d by  the  i n the  bereaved  explore that  refrains there  raise  out  d e p e n d i n g on within  the  One has  on  One  issues  concern  the for  s e n s e of  the  friend's to  s p o u s e . One  who  to  one's new  perceives reticent  or  who  concerns  concern  finds  relationship. the  to  consistently  friend  security  the  partner  discover  presence a c t u a l l y  one  lightens  facilitating is also  This  varies feels  the  children  and  subsequent  children.  f r i e n d who  cares  for  with One  and  that  with  but one's  the both  unique p o s i t i o n  between  role  marriage,  b u r d e n on  equally  communication  one's p r e s e n c e  gratitude  the  is friends  a special  impact in the  the  i n a m a r r i a g e has  surviving  is a  be  of  upon  is  relationship.  is sensitive  partners  may  role  that  who  relationship  p l a c e d on  the  is reassured  There  the  conflict.  of  One  fragile  from e x p l o r i n g  tiptoeing  call  Another o b s t a c l e  f r i e n d as  is strain  may  relationship.  a s p e c t s of  could  commitment  o t h e r s who  depleted resources. fragility  t h i s non-sanctioned  one the  i s the  of  them.  plays with  the  preparation  for  special  anticipates  the  adult needs  of  -140-  the c h i l d r e n  who  but  do  on  one  they  death  and  with  the  not  understand.  l o s s at  understanding, feelings,  are a l s o g r a p p l i n g with  and  and by  one  a l s o walks' w i t h  the a p p r o p r i a t e  being  there  to  assists  own and  help  the s u r v i v i n g c h i l d .  the b e r e a v e d  person  pregnancy, a n t i c i p a t i n g  the  t o f a c e the  relive  her  of  need f o r  subsequent friend  level  listen  q u e s t i o n s and  loss  r e a d i n g books  h e l p i n g her with  inevitable  reassurance,  By  a  through  a  the need f o r  f e a r s of b o n d i n g  memories t r i g g e r e d by  One  t h i s new  and  to  life  t r a n s i t i on. One  gains unexpected  bond w i t h  one's f r i e n d  b e n e f i t s of a  through  deeper c a p a c i t y f o r compassion in o t h e r  relationships,  b e i n g v u l n e r a b l e and feelings. with  One  painful  has  f i n d s a new  and  resources One  There bereaved  the e x p e r i e n c e , and  a new  a wider  openness to  comfort  and  i n o n e ' s own  faced  others.  strength  t o s t a y v u l n e r a b l e and  continue  d i s c o v e r s t h a t one  matured.  i s a change  friend  over  has  in r e l a t i o n s h i p with  time.  risk  own  zone when  of o n e ' s own  confidence  a  understanding  e x p r e s s i v e of o n e ' s  experiences  One  growing.  and  deepened  the  T h e r e a r e s i g n s of  -141-  resumlng a s p e c t s of the former restoring other  o f some m u t u a l i t y , a g r a d u a l  concerns  focus through with  time  including inevitable  both  the l o s s , life  i n focus  the e n d i n g  of the experience  the  for  which  a subtle shift  The d e g r e e  time  s i n c e the l o s s .  "the  experience  life.  together within  i s shared.  in focus  v a r i e s with One p e r s o n  its  T h i s broad  place".  all-consuming with  also  concern  f o r the shifts  the e l a p s e d  described that  an a l l - c o n s u m i n g  al1-encompassing  life  Even  place  inher  t h i n g h a d come i t was one p a r t  but the experience  had found  in acknowledging that the  aspect  one's f r i e n d  accepts  One  f o r h e r h a d resumed a m a n a g e a b l e  r a t h e r than  her f r i e n d ' s  from  t o concern  down t o s o m e t h i n g q u i t e s p e c i f i c ; of  toward  of the companion,  t o which one's f o c u s  toward f u t u r e c o n c e r n s  portion  c h a n g e s t h a t come  spent  i s taken  t h e immediate moment  future.  and a s h i f t i n  f r e q u e n t p a t t e r n s o f c o n t a c t where  initiative  experiences  movement t o  i n d i c a t e s a movement  new f o c u s f o r t i m e  new a n d l e s s  and a  p e r s o n a l l y and p r o f e s s i o n a l l y .  This shift  giving  relationship  of the experience  on h e r j o u r n e y  that the l o s s w i l l  of walking  h a d c h a n g e d , one  be remembered  fora  -142-  long time, intensity  and  grows i e s s .  friendship shared their that  The  an  relationship, new  and  comprised  but  p a r t of  p h a s e s of  life  structure is a  The  The  Structure  The  experience  b e g i n s when one  the  v a c i l l a t i n g hope o f  i s not  an  the  the  and  death.  immediate, one  of  the  in g r i e f available  One  of  awaits  the  with  i n the  the  the  t u r n of e v e n t s . joins  to a  a  feels  dread mingled  f r i e n d who  unexpected  core  essential  the p o t e n t i a l  and  narrative  the  t h e companion  l o s s through fear  It i s  possible.  becomes p r e s e n t  r e v e r b e r a t i o n s of  death  of  as  i s faced with  outcome a f t e r  and  l i e ahead.  t h e m e a n i n g of  as c o n c i s e l y  significant  them  description.  p u r p o s e of  i s to present  f r i e n d who  their  condensed  t h e b a s i c e l e m e n t s of  the e x p e r i e n c e .  experience  one's  is a recognition  f o r m s a framework t h a t p r e s e n t s  structure  the  continue  f r i e n d with  there  the n a r r a t i v e of  but  Structure  essential of  will  integral  separate  Essential  version  One  t o the bereaved  experience  The  and  t h e m o u r n i n g g o e s on  When  friend's  -143-  anticipatory themselves  grieving,  t o the  time  with  an  whereas  initial  been an  feels relief  i n sudden d e a t h ,  outpouring  resign  i s confirmed,  When t h e r e h a s one  they  death.  the death  of a n t i c i p a t i o n ,  the sadness,  together  impending  When t h e news of i s d e e p l y moved.  as  of  extended  tinged with one  responds  intense sadness  empathy  f o r t h e p a r e n t s . A numbness d e s c e n d s  through  t h e s u r f a c e s h o c k , a r i s e s an  i n an  attempt  reality  feels  present  empathic pain, and  s h a r i n g of  one  assures  anticipates and  concrete of  the  t o be  one less  protest  the  the  to her  Because of  sorrow,  friend  of o n e ' s  and  One  heard,  supported  relatives,  and  becomes aware t h a t d o i n g important  than  being  to  as  phoning  these  f o r her.  the  tasks are,  f o r one's f r i e n d  there  be  with  assistance with  or memorial. E s s e n t i a l  the  availability  needs.  f r i e n d ' s need t o be  to  the  the h u r t  immediate  practically  contact,  o f f e r s of a s s i s t a n c e , c h i l d c a r e ,  f r i e n d s and  funeral  and  nightmarish  a need t o make d i r e c t  to one's f r i e n d .  sensitivity  held,  that t h i s  angry  and  i s true.  One be  t o deny  one  is  -144-  There  i s an  o f t e n unspoken agreement  former e x p e c t a t i o n s relationship contact  are  set  emerge.  usual  in t h e i r  focus  i s on  of m u t u a l i t y aside  Contact  and  friend  new  in her  experience the  anger, g u i l t ,  personal  meaning.  others,  buffer  and  One  offering  to the  acceptance,  and  to share  One  friend  outside world,  the  bejreaved  Although  the  friend  and  process,  one  facilitates  and  i d e n t i f y i n g what one  seeking  One  friend  those which  indirectly. i n the g r i e v i n g  and  by  naming  observes,  feelings  and  encourages gradual r e i n t e g r a t i o n  into a wider s o c i a l expressing  the  through  t h i s process hears  out  providing  pace  always to v a l i d a t e her  experience.  friend  person  s e t s the  her  a protective  more p e r i p h e r a l l y i n v o l v e d a c h a n n e l to approach  the  longings,  need t o work  m e d i a t e s between  the  is  encourages  sadness, her  her  and  one  reservation. of  than  listen,  a safe place  f r i e n d ' s expression  fears,  and  without  of  loss.  demonstrates a non-judgmental friend  patterns  relationship,  Through one's w i l l i n g n e s s to  c r e a t e s f o r the  the  i s more f r e q u e n t  longstanding  the  in  that  network  her  in accordance with  readiness.  On  the  -145-  self-reflection, spite  of  and  listener,  As painful  as  and  one's r o l e a  sees oneself  c o m p e t i n g demands of  studies,  being  one  an  one  journey  of g r i e v i n g her  the  impact the  separation, forth  p r e s e n c e and  of  and  i n the  ritual  the days  her  there  events  and  of  the  anniversary intensify  i s an  date the  lost  of  pain  dreams,  companion a n e e d f o r o n e ' s  the  pain with  her  identification seemed s e c u r e  past  l o s s e s are  a c h i l d when one  has  triggered.  and  intensity  a companion, one  With  c h i l d r e n of  i s imbued w i t h the  friend  l o s s e s as w e l l  i s p r o f o u n d so  B e c a u s e of  the  l o s s to a v a r y i n g degree,  o n e ' s own  potential  being  of  sensitivity.  lives  memories of  loss,  r e l e a s i n g images and  i d e n t i f i e s with  for  of  death. These s p e c i a l  One  part  on  funeral, birthday  deceased, Christmas,  calling  accepts  integral  accompanies one's f r i e n d  markers such as  of  One  friend.  a w a r e n e s s of  the  an  and  accepting  to others.  companion a s  a v a i l a b l e in  c h i l d r e n , work,  unconditionally  mediator  of  as  that a new of  as  as fear  the  loss  o n e ' s own,  the  a l l that  once  fragility.  the  experience  comes t o a c c e p t  and  of  -146-  legitimize One  one's personal  seeks a support  spouse or c l o s e refuge  network and  o n e ' s own  heart  of  life,  to one's s p i r i t u a l aware of which  the  are  a place  f e e l i n g s and  in g r i e f  which  lends  outlook  clarity  and  of  others  of  suffering  and  appreciation  some, a d e e p e r  as  a new  qualities  receptivity  g o o d n e s s even  circumstances.  f o r the m y s t e r y faith  i n God.  of  One  There  life,  and  i n the m i d s t  described  a mysterious release  empathy w i t h or  the  as  the moment and and  remains  capacity  "God  in t r u s t  hardness. intact  sharing  and  One  of  for a  events,  to touch o n e s e l f the  in is  experiences  compassionate presence v a r i o u s l y as  is  unconditional  as w e l l  in t r a g i c  depth  One  inner  to  compassion,  t o f i n d i n g m e a n i n g , p u r p o s e , and  pain  talk  close  and  beliefs.  in nature;  self-acceptance,  a c c e p t a n c e of  others,  one's  to  t a k e s one  coming to f r u i t i o n  spiritual  patience,  an  upon  reservation.  B e i n g a companion the  replenishment.  relies  f r i e n d s to provide  to r e l e a s e  without  needs f o r  darkness"  of and  both  in  f o r one's f u t u r e p l a c e s views  life  u n t o u c h e d as  and  a l l that  precious.  of  -147-  One and  Is drawn  spiritual  Into  depth.  an  experience  There  of  emotional  i s need f o r humour  g l i m p s e s of  the  familiar  and  the  superficial  give  and  perspective,  and  as  levity  reminders that course, taken  life  despite  will  the  again  l e a r n s about  one's r o l e w i t h i n personal  experiences  change  letting  n e e d s of  t o the  grief  calling  has  who  process.  grieved,  have g r i e v e d ,  one's f r i e n d One  demands on  o n e ' s t i m e , e n e r g y and  of  discounted  this by  resources. strain  on  friend  i s s u e s and  as  as  a  guide  by  commitment  calling  upon o n e ' s  that  often depleted  r e l a t i o n s h i p when one  who  fragile  exploring  r e f r a i n s from  c o n c e r n s , w h i c h can  perceives  contribute  of u n r e s o l v e d  friendship.  One's t i p t o e i n g a r o u n d the f o r her  The  i s the p o t e n t i a l  accumulation  concern  by  non-sanctioned r o l e are  others  having  to r e m a i n i n g committed.  Another o b s t a c l e the  and  act  own  by  i s challenged  obstacles  part  and  upon o n e ' s  inevitable  of  that  g r i e v i n g process  of h a v i n g  others  the  the  i t by  walked with  her  i t s normal  place. One  are  to  reassuring  resume  irretrievable  and  tension  v a r i e s with  the  in  to  an  the  time  friend elapsed  out  -148-  since  the  l o s s and w i t h t h e s e n s e o f s e c u r i t y  feels within to the  impact  partner  the r e l a t i o n s h i p . one's  one  presence,  and may  friend,  help  children  the  friend's  t h a n an  a l s o be  intrusive  and c o n f i d a n t e their  between  the s p e c i a l  need  to  adult  surviving  to grieve.  by  t h e f e a r s and memories a child  evokes  i n the p a r e n t s .  d i s c o v e r s unexpected b e n e f i t s  from b e i n g  a deepening r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h the  through the e x p e r i e n c e , a deeper  empathy and c o m p a s s i o n  which  capacity  extends to  others,  an o p e n n e s s  to r i s k  growing  in strength  as a person w i t h a wider  comfort  zone w i t h o n e ' s  own  being vulnerable while  and o t h e r s ' p a i n .  experiences a growing m a t u r i t y one's  and a w a r e n e s s  resources. There  bereaved  One  f o r subsequent  in encouraging healthy bonding  a companion;  to  ease communication  t o p r e p a r e t h e way  prosprective One  may  anticipating  acknowledging  for  One  caregiver,  children,  friend  even  is sensitive  i s reassured  i s a welcome r a t h e r  the p a r t n e r s .  may  p r e s e n c e h a s on  i n the m a r r i a g e , but  discover  One  one  i s a changed  friend  r e l a t i o n s h i p with  over time as t h i s  broad,  the  One of  -149-  al1-encompassing begins There  to  involve  with  concerns  only a portion  a shift  as w e l l  as  i s a mutual  transitions, with  new  the  subsequent  There  reintegrating v a r i e s with  acknowledges that  One  continues  bereaved  f r i e n d with  integral  p a r t of  relationship. 1ie  ahead.  network  be  which  loss.  shared  and  One  remembered, the  intensity  i n one's f r i e n d s h i p  their  new  the  c o n t i n u e but  them, b o n d i n g  But  spent  toward  social  loss will  the mourning w i l l  lessens.  life  professionally  elapsed since  the  other  pregnancies,  i s some s h i f t  time  of  f o c u s e s f o r time  i n t o a wider  the  of  i t s implications.  p e r s o n a l l y and  j o b s and  together.  l o s s and  life.  p a t t e r n s of  inclusion  acknowledgement  both  shared  of o n e ' s  former  to the  providing additional  that  t h e y have  are s i g n s of resuming  contact  There  experience  to  experience  them  in  the  an  their  s e p a r a t e phases of  life  -150-  Chapter  V  Di s c u s s i on The  thorough  the s t u d y , provide  description  presented  the context  i n the p r e v i o u s  those  yielded  explication  a r i s i n g from  to three  accounts  of the experience  grieving  person. form  experience.  of the  of assumptions  the l i t e r a t u r e .  24 themes common  a dramatic  chapter,  f o ra discussion  researcher's personal and  of the r e s u l t s of  This  individual  of companioning a  The themes were  interwoven  t o c r e a t e a common s t o r y  This narrative  description  was  to the e s s e n t i a l  presented  the meaning of the e x p e r i e n c e as  concisely  as p o s s i b l e .  t h i s chapter  reflective do  not s u p p o r t ,  e x p e c t a n c i e s about the o p e n i n g discussion  research  results  t o extend  i n the  and p r a c t i c a l  and the q u e s t i o n s posed  a r i s i n g out of t h i s  prior  as o u t l i n e d i n  Included  are the t h e o r e t i c a l  support,  or q u a l i f y  the experience,  two c h a p t e r s .  implications  presented  on t h e r e s e a r c h e r ' s  o f how t h e s e  or tend  which  The d i s c u s s i o n  i s based  process  structure,  using  of the  condensed  in  study  study.  f o r further  -151-  The  essentia] structure highlighted certain  commonalities  between  women c o - r e s e a r c h e r s  the experiences i n the study.  a pre-existing history g r i e v i n g person loyalty.  which  common  loss,  particular  the  friend's child grief  experienced suffered  their  map. and  of having  experienced a friendship.  i n each c a s e . their  The c o m p a n i o n s  experiences of  a s they  empathized with  they  a friend  who  the d e v a s t a t i n g l o s s of a c h i l d , f e e l i n g s and t h e i r  confusion at  in a position  where t h e r e was no g u i d e  They e a c h r e f l e c t e d  upon a s p e c t s o f t h e r o l e  common e l e m e n t s emerged  present and  c o u l d p r e s u m a b l y become a  g r i e v i n g ; • t h e compassion  particular  times b e i n g  f o r an u n d e r l y i n g  l o s s b e i n g g r i e v e d was t h e d e a t h o f  outlined  participatory  had  accounted  a n d have no p r e e x i s t i n g  The  in  Each woman h a d  of r e l a t i o n s h i p with the  An i n d i v i d u a l  companion by v i r t u r e  of the three  and r e a d i l y  concrete  stages,  support  including  available,  extend  most p r e v a l e n t  l i s t e n i n g with  facilitating  t o as well  practical  i n the e a r l y  non-judgemental  r e g a r d l e s s of the context, mediating information  being  acceptance  and r e l a y i n g  a s on b e h a l f o f t h e f r i e n d ,  the e x p r e s s i o n of g r i e f , and  -152-  encouraging  the bereaved  friend  recognition  of the f r i e n d ' s  and  e v e n t u a l l y begin  her  own f u t u r e d i r e c t i o n .  the  impact  that  on h e r j o u r n e y i n  need t o s e t t h e p a c e  to integrate  the l o s s  into  Each woman r e f l e c t e d on  her experience  of b e i n g a  companion h a d on t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h h e r f r i e n d , and  on h e r own l i f e  growth.  There  overcome  i n each  nature and  case.  There  The i n e v i t a b l y  was w i l l i n g l y  deeper  that  capacity f o r relationship,  of personal  spiritual  e x p e r i e n c e , which  r e s o u r c e s , and a c l a r i t y of exceeded  the c o s t l y  o f t h e commitment.  As t h e s e c o m m o n a l i t i e s the e s s e n t i a l  experience, prior  network.  recognized benefits  discovery  in  accepted but r e q u i r e d  t h e need f o r o n e ' s own s u p p o r t  were u n e x p e c t e d ;  energy,  needs f o r r e p l e n i s h m e n t  were a l s o commonly  nature  demanding  i n terms of one's time,  l e g i t i m i z i n g personal including  and s p i r i t u a l  were common c h a l l e n g e s t o be  of the r o l e  commitment  and p e r s o n a l  i t was f o u n d  assumptions  supported  stuctural  that  the r e s e a r c h e r ' s  However,  were u n f o c u s e d  emerged  meaning o f the  were c o n g r u e n t  the r e s u l t s .  assumptions  of e x p e r i e n c e  w i t h and these  glimpses  initial  o f what  -153-  emerged w i t h the  results  commitment only  greater of  the  clarity  study.  r e q u i r e d of  long-lasting  and  and  mutuality  For  the  emotional  prospective  the  cost  of  e n e r g y , and  commitment  The  societal  expectations  the p r o c e s s set  forth.  i s some r e c e s s i o n of  anniversary  date  need f o r t h e continues  of  loss.  appropriate  study. the  into  c l o s u r e of  if  these  child's  to  contemplate role  In  the  event  of  the  first  death,  but  the  the  companion  particularly  experience the  of  results  the  pain  of  the the  q u a l i t i e s common  i n g r i e f which are the  than  constitutes  particular  s t r u c t u r e of  the  after  second year,  the  at  i s longer  p r e s e n c e of  i s u n a n s w e r e d by  companion the  challenges  l o s s of a c h i l d ,  grief  i s s u e of what  There are  in  the  of  markers approach, r e t r i g g e r i n g The  companion  the  supportive  well  as s p e c i a l  of  i s not  involve  i n assuming the  l e n g t h of  the  loss  in g r i e f  through  time,  t h a t pose  the p a r t i c u l a r l y d e v a s t a t i n g there  may  i n t e r m s of  companions  outset.  example,  l a y companion  in r e l a t i o n s h i p ,  for  fullness  i n t e n s e , but  l e v e l s of s e l f - s a c r i f i c e physical  and  clearly  experience.  qualities pre-existed  i n the  One  to  reflected wonders  l i v e s of  -154-  each c o - r e s e a r c h e r , q u a l i f y i n g  them f o r t h e  experience,  these  a n d t o what  came t o f r u i t i o n  extent  as a r e s u l t  I n c l u d e d among t h e s e  and  of the e x p e r i e n c e .  qualities  empathy, p a t i e n c e , humour,  qualities  are  loyalty,  spiritual  receptivity,  perseverance.  Quali f icat ions It to  i s the goal  identify  that  account who  t h e common e l e m e n t s o f a  expresses  experience.  itself  that  of the a c t i v e  individuality  i n each e x p e r i e n c e .  outline  of t h e i r  essential  takes  o f each  person  a n d what i s  It i s f o r t h i s  individual  particular  descriptions highlight experience.  of  reason  the p r e s e n t a t i o n of the r e s u l t s  i s a s y n o p s i s of e a c h an  phenomenon  method  i n the experience  included with  research  in a d i v e r s i f i c a t i o n  The p h e n o m e n o l o g i c a l  participates  unique  of phenomenological  what  c o - r e s e a r c h e r and  story.  i s unique  I t must be u n d e r s t o o d  structure,  These  brief  t o each  that the  as i t p r e s e n t l y stands,  p r o v i d e s a s t a r t i n g p o i n t f o r i n c o r p o r a t i n g an ever wider inclusive  diversity  of experience  i n t o a more  structural  understanding  of the  phenomenon.  The r e s u l t s have m e a n i n g f o r t h e  -155-  three co-researchers p a r t i c i p a t i n g and what for  i s unique  t o each  i n the r e s u l t s .  but  clear  one t w i n  died at b i r t h ,  at the i n t e r v i e w that the  focus of the companioning experience l o s s of the second later.  was on t h e  t w i n , who d i e d n i n e  months  In c o n t r a s t t o t h e o t h e r two  c o - r e s e a r c h e r s , whose the  i s accounted  o f b e i n g a companion i n  t o h e r f r i e n d whose  i t became  individual  l o s s was no more  experience than  of a n t i c i p a t i n g  twenty-four  hours, the  common theme o f " S h a r i n g t h e A n t i c i p a t i o n Loss"  study,  F o r example, C o - R e s e a r c h e r L  r e l a t e d her experience grief  in this  extended  Consequently,  over  of the  n i n e months f o r L.  her experience  o f t h e theme,  "Being  Moved by t h e News o f Death" was one o f p e a c e f u l resignation contrast pain  a n d even r e l i e f  t o t h e o t h e r s who e x p e r i e n c e d  and angry  unforeseen.  description  p r o t e s t a t what was t r a g i c a n d  theme  i s accounted  a diversity  structure.  subsumed  f o r i n the f u l l  o f t h e theme, a n d t o a l e s s e r  the e s s e n t i a l  which  intense  The w i d e r a n g e o f e x p e r i e n c e  under a s i n g l e  in  and g r a t i t u d e i n  extent  A n o t h e r example i n  of experience  i s represented as  -156-  a single Loss". are  theme Both  trained  Co-Researcher  L and Co-Researcher  in Clinical  Psychology  t e a c h i n g a t a Community C o l l e g e l e v e l ,  level.  Both  significant recent  level  c o u n s e l o r a t the High  and W School  L and W h a d a l s o e x p e r i e n c e d personal  past.  l o s s e s through  N e i t h e r had r a i s e d  Co-Researcher never  W  i n the h e l p i n g  L w i t h h e r PhD  as a M a s t e r ' s  has  of " I d e n t i f y i n g With the  and e m p l o y e d  profession; and  i s that  death  children.  T i s employed a s a T r a v e l  received  training  Agent  and  or education in  psychology.  Apart  grand-parent  she h a d not e x p e r i e n c e d t h e d e a t h o f  anyone c l o s e  to her u n t i l  year o l d son d i e d .  from  i n the  the death  after  At that  o f one  her f r i e n d ' s  time s h e , l i k e h e r  f r i e n d , was p a r e n t i n g two p r e - s c h o o l  aged  children.  life  L and W,  because  e x p e r i e n c e had a wider and  l o s s and g r i e f .  of t h e i r  comfort  zone a r o u n d  T's i d e n t i f i c a t i o n  death  w i t h the  l o s s o f h e r f r i e n d ' s c h i l d was more  profound  because  zone w i t h  death  o f h e r more  and g r i e f  young c h i l d r e n  limited  and b e c a u s e and f e a r e d  two  comfort she  was a mother o f  f o r a loss  that  she was  -157-  continually  r e m i n d e d c o u l d have been h e r own.  theme o f i d e n t i f y i n g was common t o a l l t h r e e but  the degree of i d e n t i f i c a t i o n  spectrum  from moderate  diversity results, in  this  type  as i t appears  as a p o s s i b l e  of  co-researchers,  particular example  such  f o r i n the qualification  structure i s  i n t h i s study. criteria  That  i s , by  f o r the s e l e c t i o n  m a n i f e s t a t i o n s o f t h e phenomenon. could design  the e s s e n t i a l  experience  investigate anticipatory  grieving.  of being  of  leukemic  illness to a companion i n  The r e s e a r c h e r  clarifies  her intention  essential  s t r u c t u r e i s not intended  universally,  a study t o  to parents  a life-threatening  t h e phenomen  For  s t r u c t u r e of the  o f t h e companion  c h i l d r e n with  in  i t i s possible to incorporate  the researcher  determine  a  The r e s e a r c h e r  the e s s e n t i a l  specifying additional  women  Although  i s accounted  of r e s e a r c h .  acknowledges that flux  t o extreme.  of experience i t i s noted  covered  The  thus  at the outset, as the  but i s presented  to generalize  as a s t a r t i n g  point,  -158-  and  Is c a p a b l e o f  b e i n g made b r o a d e r  increasingly  inclusive  Theoretical  Implications  The  aim  of  practical  but  f r o m the  fact  descriptive grieving  basis  indicate  and  that  companion  the  social  literature, intervention  t h i s study  and  are  c a n n o t be  i n the  the  process,  fact  that  by the  subjective  the  the  the  significance  though  strongly  established.  underlines  l i t e r a t u r e of  which  grief  drawn f r o m  role,  a  contributing  i s confirmed  supported,  However, Rando's s t a t e m e n t consensus  as  clearly  a  to  upon s e l f - r e p o r t s by  companion's support  indicated,  seem  dialogue with not  a  p r o v i d e d by  i n the  to  arise  narrative  support  Due  primarily  companioning  structure  specifically  b e r e a v e d p e r s o n s they the  the  consensus  e x p e r i e n c e s b a s e d on  of  of  i s s i g n i f i c a n t in  studies.  co-researchers,  provides  unblocked g r i e v i n g  the  and  is  implications  theory  essential  and  would support  study  Firstly,  in g r i e f  to a h e a l t h y  r e s u l t s of  the for a  person.  description  study  theoretical  that  an  structure.  t h i s research  the  to create  the  the  significant  -159-  role  of s o c i a l  therapeutic presence  support;  "nothing  i s more  i n the p r o c e s s of g r i e f  than t h e  o f an a c c e p t i n g a n d n o n - j u d g e m e n t a l  c a r i n g other" companions qualities  (Rando,  in this  1984, p . 8 2 ) .  study  clearly  named a s e s s e n t i a l  presence.  Additional  demonstrated  and common  f e a t u r e s o f t h e companion  identified  literature  factors  healthy  g r i e v i n g which  results  of the study  consistent  of  t h e normal  human  are supported  and a d e s i r e  Secondly,  the r o l e  with  v a r i o u s needs  reviewed  assumptions  i n the l i t e r a t u r e  completion  i n the l i t e r a t u r e .  work f a l l  The  regarding guidelines  healthy grieving  of g r i e f  p r o c e s s which  of the experience i n  assessments  facilitating  of the  the g r i e f  emerges i n t h e d e s c r i p t i o n i s congruent  t o help the  f u n c t i o n i n g and s o c i a l  in f a c i l i t a t i n g  the s t u d y  listening,  g r i e v i n g p r o c e s s , awareness of one's  reintegration.  for  by t h e  i n c l u d e the f o l l o w i n g ;  resume a d e q u a t e  companion  in f a c i l i t a t i n g  a w a r e n e s s o f some o f t h e d y n a m i c s  limitations,  bereaved  i n the  a v a i l a b i l i t y , compassionate  trustworthiness,  the  to this therapeutic  qualities  as s i g n i f i c a n t  The  into  and h e l p i n g w i t h two b a s i c  -160-  categorles; aim  t h o s e drawn f r o m  a t p r e v e n t i o n of p a t h o l o g y  post-bereavement more w h o l i s t i c romoting  model  growth.  which  emerge  requirements which  requirements with  include  i n the  acceptance details intimacy  of as  and and  implications reassurance and  (Lindemann,  1945;  Raphael, Worden,  1983; 1982).  e x e m p l i f i e d by e m p h a s i s on  listening  Bowlby,  loss,  and  to normalize  the  1961;  1984;  Parkes,  growth s o t h a t  includes  t o do  something  the  offering'  1983; 1984;  m o d e l , most  Schneider, also  with  reactions  Schneider,  wholistic  the  reviews  clearly an  an u n d e r l y i n g r e s p e c t f o r t h e  h e a l i n g and  inclination  The  These  assistance  repetitively  of the  role  needs  literature.  loss,  which  theoretical  t o the  intense emotional  Rando,  of  stages, encouraging  the b e r e a v e d  fluctuating  the  giving concrete  the p a i n o f  a  at p  of h e a l t h y g r i e v i n g  support  t a s k s i n the e a r l y  ventilation  aim  correspond  outlined  which  t h o s e drawn from  Components o f t h e r o l e  in t h i s study  assessments  model  and  m o r b i d i t y , and  companion o r f a c i l i t a t o r  of  a medical  process  natural  requires shifting  to  -161-  providing sanction  a compassionate presence so  addition,  that g r i e v i n g  the  safe place  i s not that  to allow  blocked.  the  necessary  review,  to review  not  not  p r o v i d i n g f o r new  lost,  foundation 1984;  and  pathology mutually it  Rando, and  i s the  the  and  affects  unique  be  The  the  role  results  of  of  the  the  Schneider,  preventing seen  one  to  be  companion  study.  t o by  was  The  as  stage  co-researcher  i s p e r c e i v e d as c o n s t r a i n i n g f o r the  inferred  present  of  the  s e q u e n c e of  but  aspects  the  of  individual  the  stages.  from the of  results  the  which  companion, w i l l  and  grief  particular  g r i e v i n g person,  the r o l e  t o each  Practical  for  by  place  a  1982;  a i m s of  that p a r t i c u l a r  manifestation turn  The  and  a l s o what  growth and  need t o a c k n o w l e d g e ,  study,  process w i l l  but  CWorden,  is referred  companion by  There  upon  1984).  achieved  study  is lost,  the  of g r i e f  i s seen as a  of p r o m o t i n g growth a r e  of g r i e f  the  the  of  to b u i l d  emerges i n t h e  model in  o n l y what  In  i s p r o v i d e d by  companion, p e r m i t t i n g the e x p r e s s i o n allowing  social  in be  situation.  Implications results  of  c o u n s e l i n g and  t h i s study practice.  have i m p l i c a t i o n s The  m e a n i n g of  the  -162-  experience study  o f t h e companion  can h e l p p r a c t i t i o n e r s  professions are c a l l e d persons.  to orient upon  professional bereaved  persons  who  themselves  ill-equipped  feel  a guide  to offer  turned to in their find  appropriate  of t h i s  study  i s to  f o r p r o f e s s i o n a l s from w h i c h t o  to o f f e r  to equip  isolated  a n d by t h o s e who  implication  provide a resource  guidance  w h i c h h a s become  caregiver i s increasingly  One  who  i g n o r a n t of d y i n g and g r i e f , the  of g r i e f ,  develop  laypersons  t o be c o m p a n i o n s t o g r i e v i n g  experience  support.  the  i n the h e l p i n g  and t o e q u i p  In a c u l t u r e  experiential1y  by  r e v e a l e d through  t o l a y companions  them f o r t h e e x p e r i e n c e .  meaning r e v e a l e d through  this  study  seeking The  can c o n t r i b u t e  t o g u i d e l i n e s r e g a r d i n g e x p e c t a t i o n s a n d demands of  the r o l e ,  grief  process,  facilitate ensure  time  t h o s e who  healthy  grieving  surround  which  a n d ways and means t o  of t h e companion.  to normalize  would a s s i s t  e x p e c t a t i o n s of the  a t t i t u d e s and s k i l l s  self-care  would h e l p  and c o u r s e  the g r i e f  the bereaved  Such a  guide  process f o r  in their  i n s a n c t i o n i n g the r o l e  grief  of the l a y  and  -163-  c o m p a n l o n . The sanctioning  value  f o r the  t h e w o r d s of one of h e r  first  of p r o v i d i n g s o c i a l role  i s expressed  co-researcher  interview with  at  the  clearly  the  completion  researcher;  I think t h i s process  i s very  like  debriefing.  the  debriefs f o r my my  i d e a of the  friends party, doing  debriefer?  friend,  friends  the  and  who  listened  and  here  you  are,  i s asking questions the  h e l p i n g me  put  h e l p i n g me  place  gone t h r o u g h .  right  even  i s no though  Nursery but  and  i t ' s not  there  i s no  role,  they're  And  third  what  you're  in a c a r i n g  questions  way,  and  you're  you're I've  that  i s , I've  done, b e c a u s e  i t ' s a non-sanctioned me  i t got me really formal  I've  into out  Now  my  a concerned  I n e v e r had,  i t got  h o u s e w i v e s and  unload?  i n p e r s p e c t i v e what  And  I  Who  some s t r u c t u r e , and  a l w a y s d o w n p l a y e d what there  but  useful.  the d e b r i e f e r  h e l p s me  anonymous i n a way.  you're a s k i n g  very  I was  t o me  in  the  Special  of h a l f  anything  a  role, Care  class,  recognizable;  structure for i t .  l i k e women's work, we  Like downplay  -164-  it;  we  don't  get p a i d  l e a r n i n g and have been few  years that  r e c o g n i z e d by at  least  useful I can  not  So  because  give myself  the  now last  i t i s not  a number o f o f t h e r  society  I am  l e a r n i n g over  r e c o g n i z e d by  thing; now  just  for this.  people,  society  can b e n e f i t credit  or  as a from  i t and  f o r h a v i n g done  it. A guide bereaved  t o the companion w o u l d p r o v i d e  p e r s o n s w i t h an a l t e r n a t i v e  e x p e n s e and counseling  formality  of  /  coach  of  could  them  employed  i n p r e p a r i n g and  take  to bereaved  role  of  or  through  p e r s o n s who  n e e d s known t o t h o s e The  The  the form of  from a p r o f e s s i o n a l  counseling offices  network.  role  g u i d e s t o p r o s p e c t i v e companions  seeking guidance  make t h e i r  t o the  in undertaking t h i s journey.  'coach' c o u l d  distributing  The  t u r n more a t t e n t i o n  t o companions  /  supporting role  of s e e k i n g p r o f e s s i o n a l  f o r uncomplicated g r i e f .  professional  t o the  in their  'coach' c o u l d  also  wish  to  support be  i n s e t t i n g up p r o g r a m s t o t r a i n v o l u n t e e r  'companions'  i n h o s p i c e work and  grief  recovery,  - 1 6 5 -  and  within  like  The  the context  o f mutual  Compassionate F r i e n d s .  programs would p r o v i d e normalize  the g r i e f  appropriate  qualities teaching  process  but  for developing  of a c t i v e  latent  and f o r  listening,  problem-solving  programs would  legitimize  and h e l p  self-sustaining t h i s study  the  s e 1 f - d i s c 1 o s u r e , and t h e w i t h h o l d i n g  a primarily  companion  training  and t o p r e s e n t  a context  the s k i l l s  groups  information-sharing to  of p r o s p e c t i v e companions  appropriate  for  These  g u i d e l i n e s f o r t h e companion,  would a l s o p r o v i d e  of  self-help  them t o g a i n  the t o o l s f o r An  f o r the r e s e a r c h e r  a screening process  The  the needs of the  se1f-nurturance.  raises  professionals  approach.  issue that i s t h e need  t o be u s e d by  i n programs  for training  volunteers  to c l a r i f y  the s e 1 f - m o t i v a t i o n f o r p r o s p e c t i v e  trainees.  P e o p l e who  may  be d o i n g  s o out o f u n r e s o l v e d  needs, or b e f o r e following such  their  identified  provide personal  s e e k t o become  sufficient own  personal  cases,  redirection  co-dependency  time has grief  companions  elapsed  experience.  In  a professional could  until  i s s u e s have been  a later  time a f t e r  addressed.  The  these  -166-  professional screening  c o u l d thus a s s i s t  their  potential  t h o s e who c o u l d , a l b e i t the  bereaved  companions,  by  to redirect  unintentionally,  exploit  needs of the bereaved.  Implications  f o r Research  Because the e s s e n t i a l articulated  i n the study  s t r u c t u r e or meaning  i s p e r c e i v e d as a  s t a r t i n g point  f o r understanding  t h e companion,  i t c a n be u s e d  b u i l d i n g upon. and  persons  the experience of  as a foundation f o r  There are s e v e r a l r e l a t e d  areas  q u e s t i o n s w h i c h a r e p o s e d by t h i s s t u d y  a r e y e t t o be e x p l o r e d . experience person?  o f t h e male companion  Implicit  in grief  experience  t o another  of the " c o l l e c t i v e "  g r i e v i n g person?  (Bereaved  such  Parents  male.  What  companion  i s the to a  f o r m s o f t a k i n g on t h e  a s mutual  Groups),  o p e r a t i n g as a u n i t , friends,  of b e i n g a  Underlying t h i s question i s  whether v a r i o u s c o l l e c t i v e companion r o l e  i s whether  male p a t t e r n s o f f r i e n d s h i p  i n f l u e n c e the e x p e r i e n c e  companion  i s the  to a grieving  in t h i s question  there are d i s t i n c t l y which  F o r example, what  that  self-help  the extended  groups, family  o r an o r g a n i z e d c o l l e c t i v e o f  s h o u l d be e n c o u r a g e d and d e v e l o p e d .  What  -167-  ls  t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f t h e companion  in  different  bereavement  l o s s of a spouse childhood  t o the bereaved  situations,  What  i s t h e impact  of  a child  on t h e p a r e n t s ' m a r r i a g e  of  outside  support?  What  study  i n the absence  What were t h e h i s t o r i c a l  t o t h e companion  i n Western  i n o t h e r non-Western c u l t u r e s ?  This  of the l o s s  literature?  i s t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f t h e companion  rituals  in grief  i s a small that  research  as the  or the l o s s of a parent i n  grief?  analogues  such  facilitate  in grief  In what ways do  the g r i e v i n g p r o c e s s ?  sample o f q u e s t i o n s p o s e d by  remain  this  t o be e x p l o r e d i n f u r t h e r  studies.  Cone 1usi o n s This research what  study responds  to the q u e s t i o n ;  i s t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f t h e companion  g r i e v i n g person? multidimensional companion  U n d e r s t a n d i n g the a s p e c t s of the e x p e r i e n c e of the  in grief  research.  i s a subject  for qualitative  T h i s was a c c o m p l i s h e d t h r o u g h  a phenomenological  method o f r e s e a r c h .  r e s e a r c h e r was g u i d e d by d r a m a t i c f o r m a common s t o r y exper i ence.  to a  and s t r u c t u r a l  employing The  in creating  meaning of the  -168-  It  i swidely  appropriate to  in  support  the bereaved  healthy  recognized that  There  the p r e s e n c e and  f r i e n d s and f a m i l y  i s a factor  grieving.  that  give  in f a c i l i t a t i n g  is little  t h e g r o w i n g body o f l i t e r a t u r e  attention  given  t o the  phenomenon o f p a r t i c i p a t o r y g r i e v i n g a n d t h e journey  u n d e r t a k e n by t h e companion, who c h o o s e s  t o be a v a i l a b l e This  study  co-researchers, articulate  to a bereaved included  her experience  through death.  if  women  e a c h o f whom was a b l e t o  a mother who h a d g r i e v e d  give  three  person.  o f b e i n g a companion t o the l o s s of her c h i l d  The c o - r e s e a r c h e r s were a s k e d t o  detailed descriptions  t h e y were t e l l i n g  of t h e i r  a story;  experience as  how i t b e g a n , what  happened  i n the midst  of the experience,  it  <if i t had).  The d e s c r i p t i o n s  ended  t a p e - r e c o r d e d and t r a n s c r i b e d or p r o t o c o l s delineated  were  and the t r a n s c r i p t s  were a n a l y z e d by t h e r e s e a r c h e r  meaning u n i t s  common t o a l l t h r e e  and e x t r a c t e d  protocols.  woven  i n t o an i n t e g r a t e d  which  i n turn  structure  a n d how  themes  The themes were  narrative  was c o n d e n s e d  who  description,  into the e s s e n t i a l  o r meaning of t h e e x p e r i e n c e .  The^  -169-  c o - r e s e a r c h e r s were at  each s t a g e  of  co-researchers  interviewed three  the  analysis,  cooperated  were v a l i d a t e d by  the  final  From t h e m e a n i n g of in  the  and  study,  was  possible.  that  the  directions By of  In t h e  study  suggested  and  researcher  t h a t a l l the  the e x p e r i e n c e  a d i s c u s s i o n on  experience  prior  results  the  revealed  researcher's  r e a d i n g of  the  literature  d i s c u s s i o n , i t was  posited  development,  implications for practice  and  to  new  for further research.  the e x p e r i e n c e  g r i e v i n g person,  the  nature  and  meaning as  o f b e i n g a companion  i t s problems, p i t f a l l s ,  b a s i s f o r the  education  and  p r o s p e c t i v e companions t o g r i e v i n g  lived  to a  rewards, p r o f e s s i o n a l s are p r o v i d e d with  of  and  expectations  c o n t r i b u t e d to theory  studying  theoretical  and  interview.  a s s u m p t i o n s drawn from  personal  to  so  the  times,  and a training  persons.  -170-  BIBLIOGRAPHY  A v e r i l l , J.R. "Grief: I t s Nature and S i g n i f i c a n c e . " B u l l e t i n , 70, No. 6 (1969), pp. 721-748.  Psychological  B a l l , J.F. "Widow's G r i e f : The Impact o f Age and Mode o f Death." Omega: J o u r n a l o f Death and Dying, 7, No. 4(197-7) ;.ppS- 1976-1977. B o r s t e i n , P.E., P.J. C l a y t o n , J.A. H a l i k a s , W.L. Maurice, and E. Robins. "The D e p r e s s i o n o f Widowhood." B r i t i s h J o u r n a l o f P s y c h i a t r y , 122 (1973), 561-566. Bowlby, J . "Processes o f Mourning." International Journal of P s y c h o a n a l y s i s , XLII (1961), 317-339. " S e p a r a t i o n and Loss W i t h i n the F a m i l y . " In The C h i l d i n H i s F a m i l y . Ed. E . J . Anthony and C. Koupernik. New York: W i l e y - I n t e r s c i e n c e , 1970, pp. 197-216. Attachment and L o s s . Penguin Books, 1978.  V o l s . I , I I , and I I I .  Middlesex:  Cameron, J . and C M . Parkes. "Terminal Care: E v a l u a t i o n o f E f f e c t s o f S u r v i v i n g F a m i l y o f Care B e f o r e and A f t e r Bereavement." Postgraduate M e d i c a l J o u r n a l , 59 (1983), 73-78. Cary, R. "Weathering Widowhood: Problems and Adjustment F i r s t Year." Omega, 10 (1980), 163-173. Cassidy, S h e i l a . S h a r i n g the Darkness: London: Darton, Longman and Todd,  D u r i n g the  The S p i r i t u a l i t y o f C a r i n g . 1988.  C l a y t o n , P.J. "The E f f e c t s o f L i v i n g Alone on Bereavement Symptons." American J o u r n a l o f P s y c h i a t r y , 132 (1975), 133-137. Cochran, L a r r y and E m i l y C l a s p e l l . The Meaning o f G r i e f : A D r a m a t u r g i c a l Approach t o Understanding Emotion, Westport: Greenwood P r e s s , 1987. C o l a i z z i , P.F. R e f l e c t i o n and Research i n P s y c h o l o g y : A Phenomenological Study o f L e a r n i n g . Dubuque: K e n d a l l - H u n t ,  1973.  C o l a i z z i , P.F. " P s y c h o l o g i c a l Research as the Phenomenologist Views It." In E x i s t e n t i a l - P h e n o m e n o l o g i c a l A l t e r n a t i v e s f o r Psychology, Ed. R.S. V a l l e and M. K i n g . New York: Oxford U n i v e r s i t y Press, 1978, pp. 48-71. F o r r e s t , G.C., E. S t a n d i s h , and J.O. Baum. "Support A f t e r P e r i n a t a l Death." B r i t i s h M e d i c a l J o u r n a l , 285 (1982), 1475-1479.  -171Fowler, S.G. and H.W. Fowler. U n i v e r s i t y P r e s s , 1973. F r e u d , Sigmund.  Mourning  Pocket Oxford D i c t i o n a r y . O x f o r d :  and M e l a n c h o l i a .  London:  Oxford  Hogarth P r e s s ,  1957.  Gerber, I . , A. Wiener, D. B a t t i n , and A.M. A r k i n . " B r i e f Therapy t o the Aged Bereaved." In Bereavement: I t s P s y c h o l o g i c a l A s p e c t s . Ed. B.M. Schoenberg and I . Gerber. New York: Columbia U n i v e r s i t y P r e s s , 1975. G l i c k , I . R.S. Weiss, and C M . P a r k e s . The F i r s t Year o f Bereavement. New York: John W i l e y & Sons, 1974. G i o r g i , A. P s y c h o l o g y as a Human S c i e n c e : Approach. New York: Harper and Row,  A Phenomenologically 1970.  Based  "An A p p l i c a t i o n o f Phenomenological Method i n P s y c h o l o g y . " In Duquesne S t u d i e s i n Phenomenological Psychology I I . Ed. A. G i o r g i , G.T. F i s c h e r , E.L. Murray. Pittsburg: Duquesne U n i v e r s i t y P r e s s , 1975. G r o l l m a n , E. 1981.  What Helped Me When My  Loved One  Died.  L e x i n g t o n : Beacon P r e s s ,  Jamieson , K.R., W e l l i s c h , D.K., and R.D. Pasnov. "Psychosocial Aspects of Mastectomy." American J o u r n a l o f P s y c h i a t r y , 135 (1978), 432-436. Kubler-Ross, E l i s a b e t h . Death:  On Death and Dying.  New  York:  The F i n a l Stage o f Growth. New  MacMillan,  1969.  Jersey: Prentice-Hall,  1975. Kupst, M.J., T y l k , L., L Thomas, M.E. Mudd, C. R i c h a r d s o n , and J . L . Schulman. "Strategies of Intervention with Families of P e d i a t r i c Leukemic P a t i e n t s : A L o n g i t u d i n a l P e r s p e c t i v e . " S o c i a l Work i n H e a l t h C a r e , 8 (1982), 31-47. L e w i s , C.S.  A G r i e f Observed. New  York:  Bantam Books,  1976.  Lindemann, E. "Symptomatology and Management o f Acute G r i e f . " J o u r n a l o f P s y c h i a t r y , 101 (1945), 141-148. Nouwen, H.  Compassion.  Garden C i t y :  Doubleday  & Co.,  American  1982.  O s t e r w e i s s , M., F r e d e r i c Solomon, and M o r r i s Green, eds. Bereavement: R e a c t i o n s , Consequences and Care. Washington: N a t i o n a l Academy P r e s s , 1984. Parkes, CM. "The Nature o f G r i e f . " 3 (1967), 435-438.  International Journal of Psychiatry,  -172-  Parkes, C M . Bereavement: Studies of Grief i n Adult L i f e . I n t e r n a t i o n a l U n i v e r s i t i e s P r e s s , 1972. "Bereavement C o u n s e l i n g : J o u r n a l , 281 (1980), 3-6. . ">  Does i t Work?"  Recovery from Bereavement.  New York:  New York:  B r i t i s h Medical  B a s i c Books, 1983.  Rando, T. G r i e f , Dying and Death: C l i n i c a l Interventions f o r Caregivers. Champagne: Research P r e s s , 198^/^ P a r e n t a l Loss o f a C h i l d .  Champagne:  Research P r e s s , 1986.  Grieving: How t o Go On L i v i n g When Someone You Love D i e s . T o r o n t o : L e x i n g t o n Books, 1988. Raphael, B e v e r l e y . " P r e v e n t i v e I n t e r v e n t i o n w i t h the R e c e n t l y Bereaved." A r c h i v e s o f G e n e r a l P s y c h i a t r y , 34 (1977), 1450-1454. " A P r i m a r y P r e v e n t i o n A c t i o n Program: Psychiatric Involvement F o l l o w i n g a Major R a i l D i s a s t e r . " Omega: J o u r n a l o f Death and D y i n g , 10 (1979-1980), 211-226. The Anatomy o f Bereavement.  New York:  B a s i c Books, 1983.  Sanders, C M . "A Comparison o f A d u l t Bereavement i n t h e Death o f a Spouse, C h i l d , and P a r e n t . " Omega: J o u r n a l o f Death and Dying, 10, No. 4 (1979-1980), pp. 303-320. S c h i f f , H.  The Bereaved P a r e n t .  Middlesex:  Penguin Books, 1978.  S c h n e i d e r , J . "Growth from Bereavement." P r o c e e d i n g s from t h e 1980 I n t e r n a t i o n a l Congress on Death and Dying. London: P i t t m a n M e d i c a l P u b l i s h e r s , 1980. S t r e s s , Loss and G r i e f .  New York:  U n i v e r s i t y Park P r e s s , 1984.  Schoenberg, B. Mark. "When a F r i e n d i s i n Mourning." Loss and G r i e f : P s y c h o l o g i c a l Management i n M e d i c a l P r a c t i c e . New York: Columbia U n i v e r s i t y P r e s s , 1970. Schoenberg, B. Mark, A . C C a r r , A.H. K u t s c h e r , 0. P e r e t z , e d s . Bereavement: I t s P s y c h o l o g i c a l A s p e c t s . New York: Columbia U n i v e r s i t y P r e s s , 1974. S c h o w a l t e r , J . E . , P.R. P a t t e r s o n , M. T a l l m e r , A.H. K u t s c h e r , S.V. G u l l o , and D. P e r e t z , eds. The C h i l d and Death. New York: Columbia U n i v e r s i t y P r e s s , 1983.  -173-  Schwab, J . J . , J.M. Chalmers, S . J . Conroy, P.B. F a r r i s , and R.C. Markush. "Studies i n G r i e f : A P r e l i m i n a r y Report." In P s y c h o l o g i c a l Aspects o f Bereavement. Ed. B. Schoenberg, I . Gerber, A. Wiener, A.H. K u t s c h e r , D. P e r e t z , and A. C a r r . New York: Columbia U n i v e r s i t y P r e s s , 1975. V a l l e , R.S. and M. K i n g , eds. E x i s t e n t i a l - P h e n o m e n o l o g i c a l A l t e r n a t i v e s f o r Psychology. New York: Oxford U n i v e r s i t y P r e s s , 1978. Weisman„ " E a r l y D i a g n o s i s o f V u l n e r a b i l i t y i n Cancer P a t i e n t s . " American J o u r n a l o f t h e M e d i c a l S c i e n c e s , 271 (1976), 187-196. A  >  D  >  Worden, W. J . G r i e f C o u n s e l i n g and G r i e f Therapy: A Handbook f o r t h e Mental H e a l t h P r o f e s s i o n a l . New York: S p r i n g e r P u b l i s h i n g , 1982. Yeagley,  Larry.  G r i e f Recovery  Keene,Texas:  P u b l i s h e d by author,  1984.  

Cite

Citation Scheme:

    

Usage Statistics

Country Views Downloads
United States 17 0
China 4 25
France 2 0
Ukraine 1 0
Canada 1 1
Germany 1 3
City Views Downloads
Cabot 10 0
Ashburn 6 0
Unknown 5 3
Beijing 2 0
Shenzhen 2 25
Redmond 1 0

{[{ mDataHeader[type] }]} {[{ month[type] }]} {[{ tData[type] }]}
Download Stats

Share

Embed

Customize your widget with the following options, then copy and paste the code below into the HTML of your page to embed this item in your website.
                        
                            <div id="ubcOpenCollectionsWidgetDisplay">
                            <script id="ubcOpenCollectionsWidget"
                            src="{[{embed.src}]}"
                            data-item="{[{embed.item}]}"
                            data-collection="{[{embed.collection}]}"
                            data-metadata="{[{embed.showMetadata}]}"
                            data-width="{[{embed.width}]}"
                            async >
                            </script>
                            </div>
                        
                    
IIIF logo Our image viewer uses the IIIF 2.0 standard. To load this item in other compatible viewers, use this url:
http://iiif.library.ubc.ca/presentation/dsp.831.1-0053689/manifest

Comment

Related Items