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Out and working : an analysis of the career narratives of three gay men Sugden, Tanis Marilyn Anne 1991

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OUT AND WORKING: AN ANALYSIS OF THE CAREER NARRATIVES  OF THREE GAY  By Tanis  M a r i l y n Anne Sugden  B.Ed., The U n i v e r s i t y o f B r i t i s h  A THESIS SUBMITTED  Columbia,  IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF  THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF MASTERS OF ARTS  in THE FACULTY OF GRADUATE STUDIES Faculty of  Education  Department o f C o u n s e l l i n g  We  accept  this  1989  Psychology  t h e s i s as conforming  to the required  standard  UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA November °Tanis M a r i l y n  1991 Anne Sugden  MEN  In  presenting  degree freely  at  this  the  available  copying  of  department publication  thesis  in  partial  fulfilment  University  of  British  Columbia,  for  this or of  reference and  thesis by  this  for  his  scholarly  or  thesis  study.  her  for  of m  ,  )  ^  The University of British Vancouver, Canada  DE-6 (2/88)  ^  ^  I  I further  purposes  financial  gain  s~*v  shall  Columbia  ^ - r . ^  the  requirements  agree  that  agree  may  representatives.  permission.  Department  of  be  It not  that  the  by  understood be  allowed  an  advanced  Library shall  permission  granted  is  for  for  the that  without  make  it  extensive  head  of  my  copying  or  my  written  Abstract  From t h e i n t e r v i e w s c o n d u c t e d w i t h t h e t h r e e  study  participants, the interviewer derived descriptive narratives which were s u b s e q u e n t l y  v a l i d a t e d by t h e s t u d y p a r t i c i p a n t s .  The p a r t i c i p a n t s w e r e s e l f - i d e n t i f i e d g a y men  and  extensive n a r r a t i v e accounts of t h e i r careers  i n response t o  unstructured  interview questions.  The n a r r a t i v e s w e r e  i n t o a u n i f i e d s t o r y which represents the n a r r a t i v e s .  the c r i t i c a l  These elements r e p r e s e n t  development t h a t study  a c c e p t a n c e and o p p o r t u n i t i e s f o r  of career  Participants  factors, role  models,  demonstrating  competence as major c o n s i d e r a t i o n s i n t h e i r c a r e e r L i f e themes were i n t r o d u c e d a t t h e b e g i n n i n g were r e p r e s e n t e d  coalesced  elements of  the process  p a r t i c i p a n t s experienced.  i n d i c a t e d the importance of s o c i a l i z a t i o n personal  provided  choices.  o f t h e s t o r y and  i n t h e s t o r i e d m a t e r i a l s as w e l l as t h e s t o r y  structure.  ii  TABLE OF CONTENTS  Abstract  . . .  i i  Acknowledgements  v  Chapter I Background Problem  t o t h e problem  statement  . 1  .  2  D e f i n i t i o n o f t h e terms  2  Research question  3  Chapter I I Review o f t h e l i t e r a t u r e  4  Chapter I I I Methodology  14  Chapter IV Doug's s t o r y  19  Chapter V Samuel's s t o r y  31  Chapter VI Raymond's s t o r y  42  Chapter V I I General story  . 57  The B e g i n n i n g  59  The M i d d l e  68  The E n d  76  The E p i l o g u e  79 iii  Chapter  VIII  Findings  81  Theoretical Practical  implications  83  implications  84  Implications for future research  85  Summary  86  Bibliography  88  iv  Acknowledgements  My and  s i n c e r e t h a n k s t o L a r r y C o c h r a n e w i t h o u t whose  support t h i s research  would not  Additional gratitude to Richard  patience  have been completed.  C a v e l l f o r h i s knowledge  and  assistance. I would a l s o l i k e t o thank Ian F a i r c l o u g h , the p a r t i c i p a n t s and  Charles  study  Stone f o r t h e i r ongoing support of  project.  v  this  OUT AND WORKING: AN A N A L Y S I S OF THE CAREER NARRATIVES OF THREE GAY MEN  CHAPTER I  Background t o t h e Problem As r e s e a r c h h a s p r o g r e s s e d t h r o u g h a v a r i e t y o f p e r s p e c t i v e s on h o m o s e x u a l i t y 1980;  Weinberg, 1972),  themselves  (Bayer & S p i t z e r ,  1982; B o s w e l l ,  i t has r e v e a l e d t h a t those  as homosexuals conduct  their lives  i n a variety of  ways, i n a m u l t i t u d e o f c o n t e x t s and w i t h u n i q u e structures  (Bell  Weinberg, 1974). they conduct roles,  identifying  meaning  & Weinberg, 1978; Weinberg, 1972; W i l l i a m s & A major aspect o f these persons  and t h e i n t e r a c t i o n w i t h t h e s o c i a l environment  a t t i t u d e s make t o t h e d e v e l o p m e n t o f a h o m o s e x u a l (Cass, 1979; Coleman, 1982; McDonald, 1982; M i n t o n Sophie,  i s how  t h e i r c a r e e r , t h e sequence o f o c c u p a t i o n s and l i f e  Recent r e s e a r c h has explored t h e c o n t r i b u t i o n  1984;  lives  o f work.  society's identity & McDonald,  1 9 8 6 ; T r o i d e n & Goode, 1980) b u t h a s n o t  c o n s i d e r e d i t s e f f e c t o n t h e r o l e s t h e i n d i v i d u a l may t a k e n o r on t h e d e c i s i o n m a k i n g p r o c e s s i n e s t a b l i s h i n g t h e s e Blair  roles.  (1972) n o t e s t h a t c a r e e r c o u n s e l l i n g h a s f o s t e r e d t h e  p e r s p e c t i v e o f f r e e and informed c h o i c e w i t h i n a knowledge o f t h e work w o r l d .  Yet, without the recognition of the special  f a c t o r s f a c i n g t h e gay person, c a r e e r c o u n s e l l i n g w i t h a h o m o s e x u a l c l i e n t may n o t o c c u r w i t h a f u l l 1  knowledge o f t h e  work w o r l d o r even c o m p l e t e l y  free choice given the  particular  i s s u e s o f s o c i e t a l reponse t o a homosexual i d e n t i t y .  This  explores the experience  men  o f c a r e e r d e v e l o p m e n t f o r gay  study in  order t o i d e n t i f y the p e r t i n e n t issues f o r career c o u n s e l l i n g .  Problem The  Statement: purpose of t h i s i n v e s t i g a t i o n i s t o explore  experience gay  men.  the  o f a homosexual i d e n t i t y i n the c a r e e r development of The  study a l s o explores the unique contexts of  i n d i v i d u a l and established  t h e meaning s t r u c t u r e s the i n d i v i d u a l  f o r those  decisions w i t h i n the  each  has  contexts.  D e f i n i t i o n o f Terms: 1. C a r e e r :  The  course  the sequence of occupations to  express  of events and  employee and  avocational, 2. and  the  by a p e r s o n from  retirement; the work-related  familial,  Career  pensioner and  Development:  pattern  non-  adolescence  r o l e s such as t h o s e  together with  of  complementary  c i v i c r o l e s (Super, The  life;  r o l e s w h i c h combine  t h e s e r i e s o f r e m u n e r a t e d and  remunerated p o s i t i o n s occupied  student,  other l i f e  o n e ' s commitment t o w o r k i n h i s o r h e r t o t a l  of self-development;  through  which c o n s t i t u t e a  1976,  l i f e l o n g behavioural  p.4.). processes  i n f l u e n c e s on t h e m t h a t l e a d t o o n e ' s w o r k v a l u e s ,  choice of occupation(s), c r e a t i o n of a career p a t t e r n , d e c i s i o n making s t y l e ,  r o l e i n t e g r a t i o n , s e l f and  e d u c a t i o n a l l i t e r a c y and  career  identity,  r e l a t e d phenomena ( H e r r & C r a m e r , 2  1984,  p.17.). 3. Gay:  An i n d i v i d u a l whose s e l f - i d e n t i f i c a t i o n o r  i d e n t i t y r e g a r d i n g sexual o r i e n t a t i o n i s towards persons o f t h e same s e x . 4. H o m o s e x u a l :  One who h a s a s e x u a l p r o p e n s i t y f o r p e r s o n s  o f t h e same s e x who may o r may n o t i d e n t i f y t h e m s e l v e s a s s u c h (Boswell,  Research  1980).  Question  T h i s i n v e s t i g a t i o n was c o n d u c t e d w i t h i n t h e n a t u r a l i s t i c paradigm  a n d a s s u c h was c o n d u c t e d w i t h a q u e s t i o n u n d e r  consideration rather than with a s p e c i f i c hypothesis being tested.  I t i s u n d e r s t o o d by t h i s approach t h a t an u n d e r s t a n d i n g  o f human b e h a v i o u r c a n o n l y b e d i s c o v e r e d when o n e u n d e r s t a n d s t h e framework w i t h i n which t h e i n d i v i d u a l under s t u d y h i s o r h e r environment,  a n d t h a t t h i s c a n o n l y be u n d e r s t o o d  when one u n d e r s t a n d s t h e i n d i v i d u a l ' s t h o u g h t s , p e r c e p t i o n s , and a c t i o n s  interprets  feelings,  (Owens, 1 9 8 2 ) .  Study p a r t i c i p a n t s were asked t o d e s c r i b e t h e i r c a r e e r r e c o l l e c t i o n s , e x p e r i e n c e s and awarenesses i n l i g h t o f t h e i r experience of t h e i r homosexuality. initial  The i n t e r v i e w e r a d d r e s s e d a n  u n s t r u c t u r e d statement t o each study  regarding h i s personal career path.  participant  This statement served t o  i n i t i a t e t h e d i s c o u r s e and e l i c i t t h e n a r r a t i v e  3  material.  CHAPTER I I  Review o f t h e L i t e r a t u r e Homosexuality  has been c o n s i d e r e d from a v a r i e t y o f  perspectives: religious, psychological.  c r i m i n a l , p s y c h o p a t h o l o g i c a l and s o c i a l  An o v e r v i e w  o f these p o s i t i o n s p r o v i d e s an  h i s t o r i c a l and c u l t u r a l c o n t e x t f o r both s o c i e t y ' s u n d e r s t a n d i n g and  treatment  this thesis.  o f homosexuality  and f o r t h e r e s e a r c h q u e s t i o n o f  The d e v e l o p m e n t a n d p r o g r e s s i o n o f t h e s e  p e r s p e c t i v e s i l l u s t r a t e s t h e importance  and t h e r e a s o n i n g f o r  t h e s t u d y o f t h e c a r e e r d e v e l o p m e n t o f g a y men. From t h e a d v e n t o f t h e J u d e o - C h r i s t i a n t r a d i t i o n , t h e Western World has,  f o r t h e most p a r t , e s t a b l i s h e d and m a i n t a i n e d  a n e g a t i v e a t t i t u d e toward  homosexual p r a c t i c e s .  Although  there  have been f l u c t u a t i o n s i n t h e a c t i v e d i s c r i m i n a t i o n o f h o m o s e x u a l s , t h e e s t a b l i s h m e n t o f p r e j u d i c e c a n be t r a c e d t o t h e p e r i o d o f t h e d e c l i n e and f a l l  o f t h e Roman E m p i r e a n d t h e  growth o f t h e C h r i s t i a n Church  ( B o s w e l l , 1980).  verifiable shift  At t h i s time, a  i n p e r c e p t i o n s and a t t i t u d e s toward  p r a c t i c e s took p l a c e , a l t e r i n g from p e r m i s s i v e n e s s  homosexual  to hostility.  With t h e i n c r e a s i n g i n s t i t u t i o n a l i z a t i o n o f t h e church t h e h o s t i l e a t t i t u d e became e n t r e n c h e d church.  Homosexuality  the church  i nthe traditions of the  was c o n s i d e r e d a common l a w c r i m e  and laws t o t h i s e f f e c t were enacted  against  i n common l a w .  In the twelfth century, during a period of increased intolerance of m i n o r i t y groups,  t h e d i s c r i m i n a t i o n a g a i n s t homosexuals 4  became w i d e s p r e a d and was of homosexuality  given r e l i g i o u s j u s t i f i c a t i o n .  w e r e condemned and  c a s t r a t e d or put t o  those  Acts  i m p l i c a t e d were  death.  M o d e r n r e v i s i o n s o f t h e Canon l a w o f t h e c h u r c h s t a t e reduced the s t r i c t u r e s placed against those homosexual a c t .  have  found " g u i l t y " of  However, t h e modern j u s t i c e s y s t e m  still  r e f l e c t s t h e c u r r e n t p r e j u d i c e a g a i n s t h o m o s e x u a l s h e l d by society at large (Levitt & Klassen,  1974).  This  the  judicial  d i s c r i m i n a t i o n i s evident i n three areas.  First,  have not been r e p e a l e d a l t h o u g h  have been charged  u n d e r t h e m i n t h e l a s t two  few p e o p l e  sodomy l a w s  d e c a d e s ; sodomy l a w s a r e i n p l a c e i n  45 o f t h e U n i t e d S t a t e s o f A m e r i c a , i n t h e U n i t e d K i n g d o m and Canada  (DeCecco, 1977).  These laws have a l m o s t e x c l u s i v e l y  a p p l i e d t o homosexual a c t s although a c t as w e l l . higher  S e c o n d , t h e age  C o m m i t t e e on E q u a l i t y R i g h t s  civil  sodomy c a n be  and  [PCER], 1985).  acts  c o n s t i t u t i o n a l r i g h t s of homosexuals  d i s c r i m i n a t i o n , r e f u s i n g housing, i f an  been  heterosexual  civil  (Parliamentary  Finally, until  conclusive precedents  F e d e r a l governments are l a r g e p e r p e t r a t o r s of  enrollment  a  in  of consent f o r sexual acts i s  f o r homosexual a c t s than h e t e r o s e x u a l  r e c e n t l y , t h e r e a r e few  a  upholding  very  the  (Knutson,  1977).  this  e m p l o y m e n t , and  military  i n d i v i d u a l admits t o homosexual p r a c t i c e s  (PCER, 1 9 8 5 ) . A f u r t h e r c o n s i d e r a t i o n of homosexuality medical  model which, a t t h e onset  developed  of the twentieth  an a n a l y s i s o f t h e h o m o s e x u a l . 5  extends from  the  century,  There have been  three  t r e n d s which have developed  from t h i s p e r s p e c t i v e .  the psychoanalytic, considered homosexuality a r r e s t e d psychosexual development 1967,  to result  The s e c o n d  basis of learning theory  from  (Freud 1920, 1922; B e i b e r  1 9 7 4 , 1976) a n d a n a l y t i c t r e a t m e n t was p r o p o s e d  of c u r a t i v e treatment.  a s a mode  t r e n d was d e v e l o p e d  on t h e  ( A c o s t s , 1 9 7 5 ; G o l d & N e u f e l d , 1965)  and c o n t r i b u t e d t o t h e f i e l d o f p s y c h o p a t h o l o g y . was  The f i r s t ,  Homosexuality  h y p o t h e s i z e d t o be t h e r e s u l t o f t h e l e a r n i n g p r o c e s s and  t r e a t m e n t u s i n g r e c o n d i t i o n i n g was s u g g e s t e d  ( B a n c r o f t , 1969;  C a l l a h a n & L e i t e n b e r g , 1973; Feldman & M a c C u l l o g h ,  1967; Freund,  1977;  a biochemical  McConaghy, P r o c t o r , & B a r r , 1 9 7 2 ) .  Finally,  p r o p o s i t i o n was made t h a t h o m o s e x u a l i t y was t h e r e s u l t o f physical differences i n the composition of the i n d i v i d u a l (Money, 1972) a l t h o u g h no i m m e d i a t e t r e a t m e n t c o u l d b e prescribed.  The o v e r a l l c o n s e n s u s  was t h a t h o m o s e x u a l i t y was a  d i s e a s e and i t s i n c l u s i o n i n t h e nomenclature  o f t h e American  P s y c h i a t r i c A s s o c i a t i o n was s o u g h t . The approach  f i n a l p e r s p e c t i v e which t o homosexuality  contributes t o the current  i s d e r i v e d from s o c i a l p s y c h o l o g i c a l  i n v e s t i g a t i o n s o f c u l t u r a l m i n o r i t y groups.  I n a study o f  s e x u a l p r a c t i c e s , K i n s e y , Pomeroy, a n d M a r t i n (1948) n o t e d t h e range  o f human s e x u a l p r a c t i c e s a n d s u g g e s t e d  b e s t r e p r e s e n t e d as a continuum  t h a t t h e y were  on a 7 - p o i n t s c a l e r a n g i n g  e x c l u s i v e l y homosexual t o e x c l u s i v e l y h e t e r o s e x u a l . b r o a d e r p e r s p e c t i v e , Gordon A l l p o r t of  p r e j u d i c e which  from  In a  (1954) p r o v i d e d a n a n a l y s i s  f a c i l i t a t e s an u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f t h e dynamics 6  o f t h e a c q u i s i t i o n and  f u n c t i o n of p r e j u d i c e i n s o c i e t y .  a d d i t i o n a l c o n t r i b u t i o n to the study by  Goffman  field  i n d i v i d u a l and  study  cultural  made  subgroups.  the a d d i t i o n a l works of s o c i a l p s y c h o l o g i s t s  of d i s c r i m i n a t i o n ( E r l i c h ,  provide  o f h o m o s e x u a l i t y was  (1963) i n h i s a n a l y s i s o f t h e e f f e c t s o f  s t i g m a t i z a t i o n o f an w o r k s and  An  the basis f o r a s h i f t  of homosexuality.  1975;  Tajfel  i n research  These in  the  & Turner,  perspectives  1979) in  A d d i t i o n a l l y , homophile c i v i l  the  rights  o r g a n i z a t i o n s began t o o b j e c t t o the d i s c r i m i n a t o r y p r a c t i c e s of psychology  ( D a v i d s o n , 1976;  W e i n b e r g , 1972)  j u d i c i a l p r a c t i c e s (Knutson, 1977).  Further  i n d i c a t e d t h a t w h i l e h o m o s e x u a l i t y was little  e v i d e n c e c o u l d be  h o m o s e x u a l s had Ross, 1978). has  studies  considered  and also  a  pathology,  found t o s u b s t a n t i a t e the c l a i m  poor p s y c h o l o g i c a l adjustments  reference  (Hooker,  that 1951;  to homosexuality i n i t s o f f i c i a l  ( B a y e r & S p i t z e r , 1982;  Dececco,  While i t i s too e a r l y to consider h o m o s e x u a l i t y as  sinful,  & Charles,  c r i m i n a l o r s i c k as  1983).  B e l l , W e i n b e r g , & H a m m e r s m i t h , 1982; 1974;  fully  research  A s e r i e s of research  s u r v e y o f a l a r g e number o f h o m o s e x u a l s  Weinberg.& W i l l i a m s ,  1985).  the previous  some s h i f t s t o l e s s h e t e r o s e x u a l l y b i a s e d (Moring  civil  Consequently, the American P s y c h i a t r i c A s s o c i a t i o n  r e m o v e d any  nomenclature  and  Williams  established the diverse nature  views  dismissed, i s occurring  studies using  ( B e l l & Weinberg,  Saghir  & Robins,  & W e i n b e r g , 1971)  s t u d i e s have a l s o noted t h a t the experience  of the  a  1978;  1973; have  of a homosexual i d e n t i t y .  7  of  These  homosexual  identity  i s found i n a l l f a c e t s of the i n d i v i d u a l ' s l i f e  v a r y i n g degrees.  Though t h e s e s t u d i e s must be c o n s i d e r e d w i t h  t h e i r l i m i t a t i o n s i n m i n d , w i t h p a r t i c u l a r e m p h a s i s on biased sampling  to  their  ( H a r r y , 1 9 8 6 ) , t h e y do i n d i c a t e a n e e d f o r  r e s e a r c h which r e f l e c t s the d i v e r s i t y of t h e homosexual experience.  These s t u d i e s attempted t o c o m p i l e a  overview of elements  o f homosexual l i f e s t y l e s .  i n t h e a r e a o f c a r e e r w e r e r e s t r i c t e d due of  comprehensive  Their findings  to the l i m i t e d  q u e s t i o n s e a c h s u r v e y a s k e d b u t some i n d i c a t i o n was  t h a t t h i s area would  need f u r t h e r  W i l l i a m s and W e i n b e r g  number  given  investigation.  (1971) s u r v e y e d 63 men  o r g a n i z a t i o n s i n two u r b a n c e n t e r s .  from  homophile  Of t h e i r r e s p o n d e n t s ,  16%  r e p o r t e d b e i n g r e f u s e d or l o s i n g j o b s because of t h e i r s e x u a l o r i e n t a t i o n and military  58% o f t h o s e w i t h a d i s h o n o u r a b l e d i s c h a r g e f r o m  service experienced job discrimination.  T h o s e who  did  not e n c o u n t e r such d i s c r i m i n a t i o n were employed i n s t e r e o t y p i c a l or  low s t a t u s j o b s .  Q u e s t i o n s i n t h i s s t u d y were l i m i t e d i n  number a n d a s k e d o n l y a b o u t d i s c r i m i n a t i o n . posed  a s t o how  j o b d i s c r i m i n a t i o n was  No  q u e s t i o n s were  p e r c e i v e d , what measures  w e r e t a k e n by i n d i v i d u a l s t o a v o i d d i s c r i m i n a t i o n o r w h a t p o s i t i v e e f f e c t s h o m o s e x u a l i t y may In  a s i m i l a r s t u d y o f 89 men  S a g h i r and R o b i n s  have had  i n employment.  f r o m t h e same u r b a n  areas,  (1973) r e p o r t e d t h a t 16% l o s t t h e i r j o b s o r  h a d t h e i r e m p l o y m e n t t h r e a t e n e d due t o t h e i r h o m o s e x u a l i t y ; of  respondents  f e l t that t h e i r homosexuality r e s t r i c t e d  t h e i r a m b i t i o n s , c a r e e r c h o i c e and p o s s i b l e a d v a n c e m e n t . 8  both A  32%  c o r r e l a t i o n was  found between h i g h s t a t u s employment  employment d i f f i c u l t i e s .  No  c o n s i d e r a t i o n was  p o s s i b i l i t y o f p e r c e i v e d d i s c r i m i n a t i o n and employment d i f f i c u l t i e s  advancement.  made f o r t h e  i t s effects  on  and no f u r t h e r q u e s t i o n s e x p l o r e d w h a t  factors of the homosexuality or  and  r e s t r i c t e d career ambition, choice  B o t h t h i s s t u d y a n d t h e W i l l i a m s and  Weinberg  s t u d y s u f f e r f r o m t h e l i m i t e d number o f s u b j e c t s i n v o l v e d i n t h e s u r v e y s as w e l l as l i m i t e d sampling In  a s t u d y o f 1057  men  sources.  f r o m t h e same two  urban c e n t e r s ,  W e i n b e r g a n d W i l l i a m s (1974) r e p o r t e d t h a t 30% o f respondents  the  s u f f e r e d p r o b l e m s on t h e j o b r e l a t e d t o t h e i r  o r i e n t a t i o n and,  sexual  a g a i n , 16% o f t h e i r s a m p l e r e p o r t e d h a v i n g  t h e i r employment t e r m i n a t e d because o f t h e i r  homosexuality.  T h i s s t u d y a l s o i n c l u d e d some c o n s i d e r a t i o n o f s o c i a l c l a s s i t s e f f e c t on h o m o s e x u a l i t y . i n h i g h e r s o c i a l c l a s s e s had  The  and  authors concluded t h a t those  fewer c o n t a c t s w i t h o t h e r  h o m o s e x u a l s and t h a t " s o c i a l s t a t u s a p p a r e n t l y e f f e c t s t h e ways i n w h i c h t h e p e r s o n manages h i s h o m o s e x u a l i t y "  (p. 274).  f i n d i n g s o f t h i s s t u d y seem t o i n d i c a t e more c l e a r l y p o s s i b l e c o m p l e x i t y i n managing a homosexual i d e n t i t y career, although the l i m i t e d dimension  The  the and  o f t h e q u e s t i o n s do  not  i d e n t i f y the nature of t h i s complexity. The  final  l a r g e s c a l e s u r v e y w h i c h was  a i m o f p r o v i d i n g a more c o m p r e h e n s i v e lifestyle men  was  B e l l and W e i n b e r g  from a s i n g l e urban  conducted  with the  p i c t u r e o f t h e homosexual  (1978).  T h i s s t u d y examined  a r e a from a b r o a d e r base o f s o u r c e s 9  686 and  reported similar findings.  Twenty-five  percent  homosexual males r e p o r t e d t h e i r homosexuality harmful  or harmful  e f f e c t on t h e i r c a r e e r s .  of  had  the a somewhat  Eleven percent  the homosexual males r e p o r t e d t h a t t h e i r homosexuality  had  of a  somewhat p o s i t i v e o r p o s i t i v e e f f e c t on t h e i r c a r e e r s . T w e n t y p e r c e n t r e p o r t e d t h e y had  l o s t o r had  because of t h e i r homosexuality. l o s i n g p r o m o t i o n s due  t h e i r jobs  threatened  Seventeen percent  reported  to t h e i r sexual orientation.  This  supports the f i n d i n g s of the other s t u d i e s conducted decade.  i n the  D e s p i t e a l l of the l i m i t a t i o n s of each study,  i n t e r a c t i o n b e t w e e n s e x u a l o r i e n t a t i o n and strongly indicated.  same  the  job discrimination i s  These f i n d i n g s a r e a l s o i n d i c a t i v e o f  the  n e e d f o r f u r t h e r i n q u i r i e s i n t o t h i s d o m a i n w h i c h a r e more comprehensive i n nature. O t h e r more t h e o r e t i c a l a r t i c l e s ,  a l s o i n d i c a t e t h e need f o r  f u r t h e r research i n the area of career. a r t i c l e c o n s i d e r i n g the concept 1963)  and  Escoffier  (1975),  o f s t i g m a t i z a t i o n (Goffman,  a p p l y i n g i t t o t h e c a r e e r s o f h o m o s e x u a l men,  the dynamics of i t s i n t e r a c t i o n .  He  suggests  c o n s i d e r n o t o n l y t h e d i r e c t p o s i t i v e and  proposed  t h a t r e s e a r c h must  negative  consequences  f o r t h e j o b b u t a l s o economic consequences as w e l l .  He  concludes  the  that studies should evaluate the e f f e c t of  also  homosexual's p e r c e p t i o n of the a n t i c i p a t e d d i s c r i m i n a t i o n , p s y c h o l o g i c a l c o n s e q u e n c e s o f t h e s e p e r c e p t i o n s , and impact  on t h e w o r k e n v i r o n m e n t .  i n an  Levine  the  the  overall  (1979) i n d i c a t e s a n e e d  f o r r e s e a r c h c o n s i d e r i n g the p s y c h o l o g i c a l consequences of  c o n t i n u e d i d e n t i t y management o n t h e j o b a n d h e c a l l s further consideration job  and t h e l e n g t h Several  of the implications of the nature o f the  o f employment on t h e i n d i v i d u a l .  initial  studies  since t h i s c a l l  f o r r e s e a r c h have  been c o n d u c t e d t o f u r t h e r examine t h e p e r t i n e n t employment and d i s c r i m i n a t i o n . applying  for a  issues of  Adam (1981) s e n t  resumes  f o rl e g a l a r t i c l i n g positions t o prospective  employers.  T h o s e r e s u m e s w h i c h h a d a r e f e r e n c e t o Gay a f f i l i a t i o n h a d f e w e r r e p l i e s t h a n t h o s e resumes w h i c h d i d n o t i n d i c a t e any p o s s i b l e sexual  orientation.  discrimination  Adam c o n c l u d e s t h a t t h e p e r c e p t i o n  i s one b a s e d i n r e a l i t y .  The j o b a p p l i c a n t  not  receive  can  a l s o be v i e w e d as a form o f r e j e c t i o n i n i t s e l f .  h o m o s e x u a l women, L e v i n e a n d L e o n a r d  o r i e n t a t i o n w e r e known.  isolation.  i ftheir  were a n x i e t y ,  Some women a p p l i e d  60% o f  sexual  The e f f e c t s o f " p a s s i n g "  heterosexual as a coping strategy  a sample o f  (1984) f o u n d t h a t  t h e i r sample a n t i c i p a t e d d i s c r i m i n a t i o n  as a  a l i e n a t i o n and  other s t r a t e g i e s as w e l l  by becoming s e l f employed o r moving t o a j o b where t h e i r o r i e n t a t i o n was a c c e p t e d . Schneider  I n another study o f lesbians  (1987) f o u n d t h a t n o t o n l y  make d i s c l o s u r e services  may  a n o u t r i g h t n e g a t i v e r e j e c t i o n ; h o w e v e r , no r e s p o n s e  I n a s t u d y o f employment d i s c r i m i n a t i o n w i t h  social  of  field.  easier,  such as small  d i dcertain  sexual a t work,  environments  s e t t i n g s o r t h e human  Schneider also concluded that r i s k  taking,  m a k i n g a d i s c l o s u r e , was r e d u c e d b y h i g h e r l e v e l o f p a y a n d previous experiences of discrimination. 11  No s i m i l a r s t u d i e s  have  been conducted w i t h  men.  A hazard of the current homosexual i d e n t i t y minority being  status.  i n career  While there  conducted with  research  examining the  development i s the i s an  R e s e a r c h l i t e r a t u r e has  lesbians f a l l  under t h a t r u b r i c (Levine  s i m i l a r a d m i s s i o n has  b e e n a g r e e d on  Although males are the m a j o r i t y homosexuals are (Goffman, 1963).  consequences should  on t h e  career  The  minority  i n the  occupational  r e a l m , male  f r o m g r a c e " may  face  a m o n g s t them greater  d i s c l o s e d a t work. a l s o h a v e an  and  the d i f f i c u l t y  R e s e a r c h c o n d u c t e d by  (Morin,  E t r i n g e r , H e t h e r i n g t o n and  1977). Hillerbrand  (1990) i n v e s t i g a t e d t h e d i f f e r i n g l e v e l s o f a n x i e t y d e c i s i o n m a k i n g i n s t u d e n t s and  t h e i r s a m p l e had  in  higher  m a l e s and  l e v e l s of career lesbians.  "pass"  i n advancement have been  i l l u s t r a t e d as a c o n c e r n f o r homosexuals  are  effect  a n t i c i p a t i o n of d i s c r i m i n a t i o n , the n e c e s s i t y t o  heterosexual  no  d e c i s i o n s of the homosexual male.  as h e t e r o s e x u a l  to career  status,  f o r male homosexuals.  t h e i r h o m o s e x u a l i t y be "fall  date  & Leonard, 1984);  a c o n s e q u e n c e , t h e y may  A n t i c i p a t i o n of t h i s  studies  already  a discreditable, invisible minority As  a of  been examined t o  i n d i c a t e d t h a t t h e woman i n t h e w o r k p l a c e h a s and  construct  i n c r e a s i n g number o f  l e s b i a n s , l i t t l e has  about male homosexuals.  r o l e of  in  f o u n d t h a t gay uncertainty  relation men  in  than  They i n d i c a t e t h a t w h i l e  there  l i m i t a t i o n s t o t h e i r s t u d y , i t d o e s s u g g e s t some d i f f e r e n c e s the  career  exploration.  d e c i s i o n making p r o c e s s which w a r r e n t s C o l e m a n and  Remafedi 12  further  (1989) s t a t e t h a t gay  and  lesbian adolescents  express  o f t h e i r e d u c a t i o n a l and  a m b i v a l e n c e t o w a r d s o r abandonment  career goals.  These i s s u e s have  not  been s u i t a b l y examined by c o n t e m p o r a r y c a r e e r c o u n s e l l i n g research.  Buhrke  (1989) d e s c r i b e s t h e i n h e r e n t b i a s o f  c o u n s e l l i n g as i t f a i l s t o a d d r e s s t h e r e s t r i c t i o n o f possibilities,  m i l i t a r y and  t a c i t requirement  civil,  the  I n an e a r l y  (1972) s t a t e s , " t h e r e a r e  w h i c h a r i s e as a r e s u l t o f t h e o t h e r d e c i s i o n s and p r e j u d i c e s and  job  f o r t h e h o m o s e x u a l and  o f " p a s s i n g " i n most o c c u p a t i o n s .  v o c a t i o n a l monograph, B l a i r  career  problems  society's  t h e s e h a v e b e e n v i r t u a l l y unknown o r i g n o r e d  v o c a t i o n a l guidance o f f i c e s " p a u c i t y o f r e s e a r c h and the current study  (p. 2 ) .  to these c a l l s  i s being  conducted.  13  I t i s i n response t o for investigation,  in the  that  CHAPTER I I I  Methodology G i v e n t h e numerous q u e s t i o n s a r i s i n g research conducted nature.  from the p a u c i t y of  i n t h i s area, t h i s t h e s i s i s exploratory i n  Much o f t h e r e s e a r c h c o n d u c t e d  t o d a t e has  been  carried  out w i t h i n the p o s i t i v i s t  framework w i t h p a r t i c u l a r  g u i d i n g t h e a p p r o a c h and,  f r e q u e n t l y , t h e f i n d i n g s as w e l l .  o r d e r t o f a c i l i t a t e an u n d e r s t a n d i n g dimensions  of the experience  p o s s i b l e i n f l u e n c e s on  it,  f r a m e w o r k and 1977;  of the complexity  In  and  of the career, the multitude  and  i d e n t i t i e s , t h i s r e s e a r c h was  biases  of  the d i v e r s i t y o f homosexual conducted  from a  employ methods o f n a t u r a l i s t i c  constructivist  inquiry  (Magoon,  Owens, 1 9 8 2 ) . T h i s s t u d y employs t h e use  d e s i g n and  n a r r a t i v e d a t a was  study proceeded.  o f an u n s t r u c t u r e d i n t e r v i e w  c o l l e c t e d and  a n a l y z e d as  T h i s a p p r o a c h , c o n s i s t i n g o f an  a p p r a i s a l o f d a t a g a t h e r i n g , a n a l y s i s and d e s c r i b e d by G l a s e r  the  ongoing  interpretation i s  (1978) a s g r o u n d e d t h e o r y  In accordance w i t h the grounded t h e o r y  technique.  approach,  p a r t i c i p a n t s w e r e s e l e c t e d on t h e b a s i s o f t h e i r e x p e r i e n c e t h e phenomenon.  with  P a r t i c i p a n t s i n t h i s s t u d y w e r e s e l e c t e d on  b a s i s o f t h e i r s e l f - d i s c l o s e d gay i n t h e i r c a r e e r development.  i d e n t i t y and  their  the  involvement  L e t t e r s were s e n t out through  a  s e r i e s of personal contacts, i n v i t i n g p a r t i c i p a t i o n i n the study.  Consequently,  t h e i n t e r v i e w e r was 14  not acquainted  with  the  p a r t i c i p a n t s p r i o r t o the i n i t i a t i o n o f t h e study.  i d e a l c i r c u m s t a n c e s p a r t i c i p a n t s would be drawn upon completeness o f t h e material saturation.  was d e t e r m i n e d t h r o u g h  However, due t o t i m e c o n s t r a i n t s  Under  until data  and l i m i t e d  funds,  t h i s investigation confined i t s e l f t o three participants. restricts theoretical generalizations the  that  c a n be g e n e r a t e d  study b u t t h e study remains a v a l i d r e p r e s e n t a t i o n  This from  of the  e x p e r i e n c e o f some i n d i v i d u a l s . Informal conversational to  f a c i l i t a t e the disclosure  is  d e s c r i b e d by M i s h l e r  (Patton,  of narrative  1980) w e r e u s e d  material.  T h i s method  (1986) a s t h e m o s t e f f e c t i v e means o f  gathering storied material: reported i n the studies  interviews  "We a r e more l i k e l y t o f i n d s t o r i e s  using r e l a t i v e l y unstructured  w h e r e r e s p o n d e n t s a r e i n v i t e d t o s p e a k i n t h e i r own allowed t o control the introduction  interviews  voices,  and f l o w o f t o p i c s , and  encouraged t o extend t h e i r responses"  ( p . 6 9 ) . The q u o t a t i o n s  r e p o r t e d i n t h e t h e s i s a r e taken d i r e c t l y from t h e t r a n s c r i p t s of t h e interview also  and i n d i c a t e n o t o n l y t h e s u b j e c t m a t t e r b u t  t h e way i n w h i c h t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s s p e a k .  idiosyncracies illustrating  The  o f speech a r e maintained f o r t h e purpose o f  structure  posed t h e i n i t i a l  as w e l l as context.  The  interviewer  s t a t e m e n t t h a t t h e p u r o p s e o f t h e s t u d y was t o  e x p l o r e a person's c a r e e r development i n l i u g h t o f a homosexual identity.  P a r t i c i p a n t s began r e c o u n t i n g t h e i r t a l e  immmediately  f o l l o w i n g t h i s statement and l i t t l e i n t e r j e c t i o n o r q u e s t i o n i n g occurred following t h i s i n i t i a l  statement. 15  Interviews  lasted  approximately four hours f o r the  initial  interview with  v a l i d a t i o n i n t e r v i e w approximately 1 hour i n l e n g t h the  a n a l y s i s of the  contacted on-going  interview content.  throughout the  following  P a r t i c i p a n t s were a l s o  review of the  recorded interviews  for  verification.  Responses t o the  interview provided  the m a t e r i a l to  the meaning the p a r t i c i p a n t s g i v e t o t h e i r c a r e e r format which organizes  t h a t meaning.  n a r r a t i v e accounts i s posited a c c o u n t o f an  individual:  The  s i g n i f i c a n c e of  i n Sartre's  "a man  (1938)  t h r o u g h t h e m ; and  t h a t happens t o him  s t o r i e s of others,  i f he w e r e t e l l i n g a s t o r y "  Polkinghorne  the  i s always a t e l l e r of t a l e s ,  sees everything  as  the  fictional  the  to l i v e his l i f e  explore  as w e l l as  l i v e s s u r r o u n d e d by h i s s t o r i e s and  Further,  a  (1988) i n d i c a t e s t h a t t h e  meaning s t r u c t u r e t h a t o r g a n i z e s  e v e n t s and  he  he  he tries  (p.39). "narrative i s a  human a c t i o n s  into a  whole, thereby a t t r i b u t i n g s i g n i f i c a n c e t o i n d i v i d u a l a c t i o n s and  events according  d e s c r i b i n g the Cochrane  i n v e s t i g a t i o n of t h i s n a r r a t i v e  the c i r c l e ,  assessing  T h e r e i s no assessing  one  place to look.  t h e whole t o comprehend t h e p a r t s .  (pl4-15).  implicit  a general  One  simply and  Understanding appreciation  Thus a q u a l i t a t i v e i n q u i r y i n t o  n a r r a t i v e suggests the  In  in a  p a r t s t o comprehend t h e whole  g e n e r a t e s more u n d e r s t a n d i n g u n t i l reached"  (p. 1 8 ) .  discourse,  (1986) s t a t e s : " M e a n i n g i s c o n t e x t u a l ,  p o r t r a i t or story. enters  t o t h e i r e f f e c t on t h e w h o l e "  is  the  i n v e s t i g a t i o n of a p e r s o n ' s complex  meaning f o r themselves, b o t h through the 16  explicit  i n c l u s i o n of  e v e n t s as w e l l as t h e and  i m p l i c i t s t a t e m e n t s s u g g e s t e d by  structure  form. A q u a l i t a t i v e i n q u i r y i n t o the meaning o f the  material  r e l i e s on  with the  story being presented.  have not  only  subject  the  interviewer  t o become i n v o l v e d  The  researcher  a l s o an  and  intonations  i m p l i c a t i o n s of the p l o t f o r these features m u s t become an  the  as w e l l as  of the  instrument of resonance  to  relevant  i n t u i t i v e a b i l i t y to note  r e c u r r e n c e o f themes, p a t t e r n s  i n depth  i s required  a comprehensive understanding of the  areas but  researcher  narrative  the  story. (May,  a d e q u a t e l y i n t e g r a t e t h e m a t e r i a l b e i n g p r e s e n t e d by  The  1983)  to  the  narrator. In t h i s t h e s i s , analysis r e s t r i c t s constructions narrative.  itself  to  the  of meaning t h a t the p a r t i c i p a n t s i n d i c a t e i n t h e i r  This  i s done i n an  e f f o r t to avoid  academic or t h e o r e t i c a l c o n s t r u c t s  h e l d by  the personal  of the  and  social constructs  of the  stories will  of the  study p a r t i c i p a n t s .  In view of the study, appropriate were employed.  provide  was  reiterated.  As  interviewer  narrators. aggregate  q u a l i t a t i v e methodology a p p l i e d methods o f e n s u r i n g  reliability  the  on  Analysis experiences  in and  this validity  Study p a r t i c i p a n t s reviewed i n t e r p r e t a t i o n s t o  ensure content v a l i d i t y . reliability  a view of the  the  superimposing  Through e x t e n s i v e  e n s u r e d as p o r t i o n s  of the  interviews n a r r a t i v e were  a n t i c i p a t e d the n a r r a t i v e s h i f t e d s l i g h t l y  the p a r t i c i p a n t ' s i n s i g h t increased 17  and  the  story  evolved  as  although the content remained c o n s i s t e n t . study p a r t i c i p a n t was  the  an on-going procedure.  A l l m a t e r i a l e l i c i t e d was c o n f i d e n t i a l i t y and  V e r i f i c a t i o n by  d i s g u i s e d t o ensure  the c o n s i d e r a t i o n o f the r i g h t s and  p r i v i l e g e s of the n a r r a t i v e a c t o r remained the foremost concern g u i d i n g the data g a t h e r i n g  process.  18  CHAPTER Doug's  Story  Doug i s t w e n t y volunteers time  of the  Production volunteer  seven y e a r s o l d and  f o r a small  and  i n a related paid  organization.  Doug was  a good  interest  i n b u t was  academic  stream  taking  taking  i s t h e one  I  in.  he  Um  and  When h e  interest,  university.  that  really  he  feel  determine  left  a  service directionless:  [ i s ] not not h a v i n g had  classes  He  I had  them because you  [class]  whatever that  I hated  it's  sticks  it.  a  plan,  completed  his  dropped  " I t was  t o do  called.  had  no  in his  19  because  a  second  again, nor year  not being focussed  Doug f o u n d on  class  for i t  of h i s second  in university  had  um,  but couldn't i d e n t i f y  so a t t h e end  bearing his learning  the  first  use  no  no  So,  t o attempt the classes  connected with  became a p r o b l e m  had  a couple of classes  inclined  a major,  absolutely  out as t h e  I just  entered university  the whole reason f o r doing i t . " the direct  i n Audio  grades, except chemistry, which held  " I was  chemistry  could  a t a s m a l l AIDS  or the other,  didn't  of  served i n both  student i n high school.  excellent  f o r him.  He  the  a half  trained  and  At  focussed ambition."  interest  specific  a y e a r and  university,  b i g problem  coordinating  organization.  Doug c o n s i d e r s h i s c a r e e r c o u r s e  but not having a  whatsoever."  completed  i s employed  internship,  capacity  " W h a t I c o n s i d e r my  courses with  had  work i n a l o c a l  and  got a B  community based  i n t e r v i e w he  undergraduate  year.  IV  he and  I questioned  i t essential  a path of progress  to  see  but  t h i s was  difficult  Doug's i n a b i l i t y  a s he c o u l d n ' t c h o o s e a d i r e c t i o n t o  to f i n d h i s "focussed ambition" i s deeply  d i s c o n c e r t i n g t o him. direction:  He  attempts  a n y t h i n g , i t ' s more b e i n g a c a s e  t h a t I'm  t o account  f o r h i s l a c k of  " i t s not the case of not being i n t e r e s t e d  many t h i n g s .  pursue.  And  in  of being too i n t e r e s t e d i n too  n o t b e i n g a b l e t o n a r r o w i t down t o one  thing  p a s s i o n a t e about o r i n t e r e s t e d i n o r t o work a t .  Because t h a t ' s what i t t a k e s t o work a t s o m e t h i n g , i s t o w a n t t h a t s o m e t h i n g . . . ."  In essence,  Doug h a s  really  n o t had  to  e s t a b l i s h h i s p a s s i o n , even s e x u a l , w i t h t h e w o r l d a t l a r g e . his . my  homosexuality  states,  . . because s h o r t of  " t h e r e was  a way  w h i c h i s a l s o n o t me  with self  d o i n g t h a t and  i m a g e and  a b o u t my  anyway, o r  sex l i f e  or  affecting  ...  I haven't  felt  some o f t h a t i s d e f i n i t e l y um,  confidence."  done  . . .. t h e r e d o e s n ' t seem t o  t o get t h a t comfortably across  comfortable  no c o m i n g o u t t o be  . . . t a l k i n g openly  d e s i r e s o r w h a t e v e r , w h i c h i s n o t me  some b e h a v i o u r , be  he  Of  Doug's d i f f i c u l t y  himself to others i s reflected i n h i s d i f f i c u l t y  to  do  in defining  in defining his  choices. During whom he lived  s c h o o l Doug h a d  socialized.  He b e g a n a r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h a man  i n the United States but  w a n t e d t o know a b o u t i t . openly his  e s t a b l i s h e d a group of f r i e n d s  discussed.  He  f e l t h i s f r i e n d s never  H i s s e x u a l o r i e n t a t i o n was  found  who really  not a  topic  t h a t as a consequence o f a v i s i t  l o v e r , h i s f r i e n d s o s t r a c i z e d him.  when I was  with  " T h e r e came a p o i n t  more o r l e s s o s t r a c i z e d f r o m t h a t g r o u p o f  people.  to  And  i t [ h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p ] had never been r e a l l y open because no  one  i n i t i a t e d d i s c u s s i o n of i t , and I d i d n ' t f e e l c l o s e enough  to  anyone t o want t o t a l k about i t even c o n v e r s a t i o n a l l y . Even  i f they d i d n ' t know what they were doing, to  a v o i d having i t come up.  j e o p a r d i z e t h e i r acceptance,  And  [they] uh found ways  I p l a y e d a l o n g r a t h e r than  I guess."  After t h i s incident,  ended up c o n n e c t i n g w i t h another couple of people who  were a l s o  b e i n g o s t r a c i z e d from the s o c i a l group, one o f whom was reestablished  social ties.  The l o s s o f those  he  gay,  and  social  c o n n e c t i o n s a t the u n i v e r s i t y f u r t h e r eroded h i s commitment t o continue h i s education. While a t t e n d i n g u n i v e r s i t y Doug had been employed p a r t time doing word p r o c e s s i n g .  When he decided not t o r e - r e g i s t e r a t  the u n i v e r s i t y f o r the next term he c o n t i n u e d t o word p r o c e s s , expanding  a p a r t time commitment i n t o a f u l l time one.  Doug had  s t a r t e d word p r o c e s s i n g as a summer job p r i o r t o e n t e r i n g university.  He l i k e d the job f o r q u i t e some time as i t h e l d h i s  i n t e r e s t more than s c h o o l d i d .  He c o u l d see i t s purposes  and  recognize tangible r e s u l t s . He had been making p l a n s , however, t o q u i t and v i s i t J u s t b e f o r e he was  prepared t o l e a v e the f i r m he was  eliminated h i s position. i n a f r i e n d who company.  Europe.  with, they  The owner of the company had  brought  had no experience i n the f i e l d t o operate the  Rather than f o s t e r Doug's r o l e i n the f i r m , the  new  o p e r a t o r f a i l e d t o r e a l i z e the purpose of h i s j o b r e p o n s i b i l i t i e s and terminated the j o b . 21  Doug's own  plan to  l e a v e t h e company was but  p r e e m p t e d : " i t was  a little  early for  i t wasn't a b i g d e a l because I wasn't i n t e r e s t e d i n  f o r him.  B e c a u s e he d i d n ' t e v e n v a l u e me  at a personal  me  working level  to  f i n d out what I d i d . " Doug h a d  made e x t e n s i v e p r e p a r a t i o n s i n p l a n n i n g a t r i p  E u r o p e by  speaking  t h o s e who  had  travelled  E u r o p e t h r e e and u n e m p l o y e d and through  and  g e t t i n g suggestions  from  on t h e i r own.  When Doug r e t u r n e d  from  a h a l f m o n t h s l a t e r , he  e v e n t u a l l y p i c k e d up  h i s previous  I t was  spent a p e r i o d of  firm.  I d o i n g w i t h my  life?"  years  " I h a v e n ' t a c t u a l l y s e t i t down t o t i m e s ,  type c r i s i s specific He  and  ambition had  . . [ i t i s a] w h a t am  w h e r e was and  decided  for admission.  He  don't I have  had  a l l e v i a t e h i s discomfort  and  " I t wasn't [ t h a t ] I had o r t h a t I had  g e t more s c h o o l i n g and  life any  22  with  t o go b a c k t o s c h o o l s o I  become s o m e t h i n g , i t was  doing."  opportunity  t o go b a c k t o s c h o o l and  n o t m e e t i n g anyone, not g r o w i n g , t h i s I'm  be  d i d not have a s p e c i f i c g o a l i n mind  t o make s o c i a l  something s p e c i f i c ,  life.  reapplied  seemed t o d e s i r e an  himself.  he  stuff."  when he made t h i s d e c i s i o n b u t connections  of  t h a t might  I d o i n g w i t h my  t o r e t u r n t o u n i v e r s i t y and still  that  i n his adult  although  i t g o i n g and why  that kind of  a period  Doug s u g g e s t s  f a c e d t h i s q u e s t i o n a b o u t e v e r y two  i n t e r e s t i n g t o do.  time  some w o r d p r o c e s s i n g w o r k  d u r i n g t h i s t i m e t h a t Doug w e n t t h r o u g h  a s k i n g "what am has  t o many p e o p l e  to  more t h a t  do can I'm  i s n ' t g o i n g anywhere, what  Just before  s c h o o l was  s e e i n g an a d v e r t i s e m e n t a l w a y s had  an  t o s t a r t , h o w e v e r , he  f o r a Recording  He  an a p p o i n t m e n t t o s p e a k w i t h them.  the  f e e s t o be  school. to  and He  the  l o c a t e d the school's telephone  set  the h e l l "  Arts School.  i n t e r e s t i n s o u n d p r o d u c t i o n and  music i n d u s t r y .  remembered  q u i t e expensive.  number  e n r o l l e d i n the  h a v e a d i r e c t b e a r i n g on a j o b .  "It felt  i n t h e s e n s e t h a t h a v i n g made a d e c i s i o n t o go b a c k t o really  um,  i n my  important.  set  . . When I d e c i d e d  g o i n g t o go  even though i n f i r s t year  During  someone who  i t was  focussed  quite a  i n one  had  i n t e r n s h i p program i n t h e a t r e .  l i k e d r e c o r d i n g s c h o o l and  w o r d p r o c e s s i n g b u t he h a d  He was  still  e x p l a i n s , " I resented the time  i n my  known to  theatre  interest in time  begun t o r e s e n t t h e a t t e n t i o n i t t o o k  i n o r d e r t o a f f o r d t o pay  interested  He'd  a  doing part  away f r o m h i s i n t e r e s t i n s o u n d p r o d u c t i o n and  it  saw  thought the  t o combine h i s p r e v i o u s  t h e a t r e w i t h sound e n g i n e e r i n g .  He  diversified  been i n t h i s program w h i c h encouraged him  program would a l l o w him  leave.  really  area."  h i s f i r s t y e a r o f r e c o r d i n g s c h o o l he  p r o m o t i o n f o r an  He  school  on r e c o r d i n g s c h o o l ,  somewhere. . . t h e t h i n g I  o f c o u r s e s . . . a l l o f i t was  apply.  right  d e c i s i o n a b o u t r e c o r d i n g s c h o o l , i t f e l t much more  l i k e t h i s was l i k e d was  "what  c o u l d see t h a t g o i n g t o r e c o r d i n g s c h o o l might l e a d  s o m e t h i n g and  was  and  revealed  l a t e r he d e c i d e d  l o a n and  had  commercial  His inquiries  A day  took out a student  Doug  r e n t and  I had  was  looking to  t o spend  e a t b e c a u s e I was  o t h e r w o r k . . . w h e r e a s when I was 23  in  doing so  university,  I p r e f e r r e d g o i n g t o work over g o i n g t o s c h o o l . "  Subsequently,  when t h e o f f e r came f o r t h e i n t e r n s h i p he  accepted  eagerly. D e s p i t e Doug's a p p l i c a t i o n t o t h e i n t e r n s h i p p r o g r a m his  e f f o r t s at the recording school to perform  good grades, i n t e r n s h i p by  he a c c o u n t s  f o r t h e o p p o r t u n i t y t o do  suggesting,  general career path, which gives very "sometimes l i f e  easy terms,  into place."  I n p a r t , Doug  o r t h e r i s i n g t i d e o f an He  does not  that,  emotional  f e e l v e r y s t r o n g l y about  agency i n p u r s u i n g h i s employment o p t i o n s .  He  i n t e r n e d f o r t h e summer and  t i m e went by t o o q u i c k l y .  and  enjoyed  i t but thought  F o r t u n a t e l y , t h e r e was  a p o s i t i o n i n t e r n i n g through apply,  the  i n f o r m a t i o n , i s t h i n g s h a p p e n " and  c r i s i s t o make d e c i s i o n s . own  attain  In r e f e r r i n g to h i s  " i n c o n c i s e and  j u s t seems t o f a l l  waits f o r circumstances  his  " t h i n g s happen."  Doug s a y s ,  little  w e l l and  and  h i s i n t e r n s h i p was  t h e w i n t e r ; he was extended.  He  a vacancy f o r  invited  to  d i d h a v e t o do  n e g o t i a t i n g w i t h t h e r e c o r d i n g s c h o o l i n o r d e r t o s t a y and a s c h o l a r s h i p he h a d  been awarded f o r a y e a r .  the  U n l i k e the  some defer summer  i n t e r n s h i p , work i n t h e w i n t e r l a r g e l y c o n s i s t e d o f t o u r i n g t o small t h e a t r e s throughout the area. him,  and  he t h o u g h t t h a t p e r h a p s he was  t h e wrong t h i n g . He  stayed  interest  H i s w o r k became b o r i n g f o r  The  f o r another  j o b had  i n t h e wrong p l a c e  l o s t i t s i n t e r e s t and  summer t o s e e  i f he w o u l d f i n d  doing  excitement. his  again.  A t t h e end  o f t h e s e c o n d summer he a p p l i e d f o r a c o u p l e 24  of  jobs For  i n a r e g i o n a l t h e a t r e w h e r e he w o u l d n o t h a v e t o t o u r . one i n t e r v i e w he f e l t a f r i e n d was more c o m m i t t e d t o t h e  w o r k t h a t he was,  s o he d i d n ' t a t t e n d  almost s a i d best f r i e n d , the  and i n a s e n s e he was,  f e l l o w who' h a d b e e n t h e o t h e r  I met  t h e r e , u h a n d who  the interview.  needed,  intern  i n my  t h a t was  there.  [the] f i r s t  judgement,  than I d i d .  I n t h a t he was  h i s career.  He was more s u r e t h a n I was  " B u t my, Um  e x p e r i e n c e and t h a t s t u f f . necessarily aid. possibility  What I'm  I was  who  t h e j o b more  he had d e t e r m i n e d t h a t about t h a t .  B u t we h a v e s i m i l a r And  but  summer  I  want t h e j o b enough t o e x p e r i e n c e g e t t i n g i t o v e r him. d o n ' t know w h a t t h e uh t h e .  I  was  didn't And  I  relative  older which doesn't  t r y i n g t o say i s there  i n t h a t i t m i g h t go my way.  seemed t o be a  And t h e i n t e r v i e w e r  was  l a t e a n d I u s e d t h a t a s a n e x c u s e n o t t o show up t o t h e interview.  So um  I s a b o t a g e d t h a t one."  c o n s i d e r a t i o n t h a t he was  too insecure  Doug t o y s w i t h  the  t o compete w i t h h i s  f r i e n d and r i s k n o t g e t t i n g t h e j o b , r e j e c t s i t , b u t i n d i c a t e s that this i s a distinct consideration  i n other  " T h a t w o u l d n ' t h a v e b e e n a p r o b l e m f o r me  job searches.  . . . a n d maybe  somehow i t w o u l d , maybe i n t h a t y o u know, v u l n e r a b l e a l w a y s w a n t s t o um t h i n k s I'm  t o w i n , o r w i n i s n o t t h e r i g h t word,  inferior  . . . the insecure  i t would but t h a t d i d n ' t enter o t h e r ways, o t h e r  part  part.  that  Maybe i n some  into that decision.  times but not i n that  that  way  I t could i n  one."  Doug was much more i n t e r e s t e d i n t h e s e c o n d j o b a p p l i c a t i o n h e made.  I t e n c o m p a s s e d many more e l e m e n t s o f s o u n d w o r k 25  that  he e n j o y e d .  "The r o a d  house a s p e c t i s r e a l l y  um we w e r e b o t h a p p l y i n g avoided  discussing i t .  interesting.  f o r t h a t j o b t o o a n d we  studiously  I n t h e e n d , n e i t h e r Doug n o r h i s b e s t  f r i e n d was o f f e r e d t h e j o b .  "There were p o l i t i c s  I d i d n ' t know t h e r i g h t p e o p l e .  involved.  So p o l i t i c s g o t me  Doug m i n i m i z e s h i s d i s a p p o i n t m e n t b y s u g g e s t i n g  again,doing  . .  there."  once a g a i n  he h a d no r e a l d r i v e t o p u r s u e t h a t c a r e e r c o u r s e : w o u l d be c o m p l e t e l y  And  "My  that  life  d i f f e r e n t i f I'd g o t t h a t j o b , uh, b u t  t h a t work wasn't a b u r n i n g  ambition  o r I ' d be  doing  it." It  is difficult  f o r Doug t o m a i n t a i n  both the notion  that  " t h i n g s h a p p e n " , a s w e l l a s t h e c o n c e p t t h a t he i s s u p p o s e d t o have a s t r o n g  focus  contradictory ideas.  and s t r i v e f o r i t . In the f i n a l  Often these are  a n a l y s i s , Doug t a k e s  as h i s  d i r e c t i o n t h a t i f t h e s i t u a t i o n does n o t a l l o w f o r h i s j o b a s p i r a t i o n s t h e n he must n o t h a v e h a d a s t r o n g e n o u g h d e s i r e t o work i n t h i s a r e a . pursue h i s goals  He d o e s n o t h a v e t h e p e r s o n a l  i n s p i t e of obstacles or develop h i s career i n  spite of the d u l l  routine of certain jobs.  m a j o r c o n s i d e r a t i o n i n Doug's c a r e e r W i t h no o t h e r o p t i o n s recording school partial  was a m i s t a k e .  This serves  f o r h i s f i n a l year.  as a  decisions.  l e f t o p e n , Doug r e t u r n e d  scholarship f o r the year,  back t o s c h o o l .  fortitude to  to the  He h a d b e e n a w a r d e d a  a n d t h a t e n c o u r a g e d h i m t o go  He t h o u g h t a t t h e t i m e t h a t r e t u r n i n g t o s c h o o l He h a d l o s t h i s i n t e r e s t a n d become a l m o s t  c y n i c a l about the i n n e r network of contacts 26  needed i n t h e  industry.  He  f e l t he  d i d n ' t have enough a m b i t i o n  record production.  " I knew g o i n g  was  a r e c o r d p r o d u c e r . . . [my  not going  s c r e w e d me  up  t o be as  f a r as t h a t went.  many o t h e r p o s s i b i l i t i e s and  a l s o showed me  my  possibilities  again,  i n t o the second year t h a t internship]  B e c a u s e i t showed me  more a b o u t t h e b u s i n e s s  ' c a u s e I was  . . . B a s e d on my  a little  final  ambition,  I n m a k i n g h i s d e c i s i o n s Doug f e e l s he "doing  that I  my,  s o m e t h i n g " and  had about  once  t h a t I would  d e c i s i o n t o r e t u r n t o s c h o o l was,  Doug i n d i c a t e d , " b e c a u s e I d i d n ' t h a v e a n y t h i n g  oriented,  too  too r e a l i s t i c  p e r s o n a l i t y and  t h e thought t h a t i t wasn't a g r e a t  n o t make i t . " The  I  [ s i g h ] , o t h e r t h i n g s t h a t were p o s s i b l e  a little  t o know a t t h a t p o i n t  t o make i t i n  as  else."  n e e d s t o be  direction oriented  action  "going  somewhere", " g r o w i n g . "  D u r i n g t h e t i m e s o f h i s unemployment,  t h i s c o n c e p t d r i v e s him  into a "crisis"  d e c i s i o n to take stigma attached prevalent  he makes some  action, usually returning to school. being  unemployed o r not  i n s o c i e t y has  t h a t Doug s t r i v e s t o be others  and  attending  The  school  b e e n i n t e r n a l i z e d t o s u c h an  extent  a c t i v e r a t h e r than face the d e r i s i o n of  i n t a k i n g time out  o f w o r k i n g t o p l a n any  course  of  action. In r e t u r n i n g to the recording i n s t r u c t o r he  had  respected  school  d u r i n g h i s f i r s t y e a r was  disappointment d u r i n g h i s second year. seemed c o m m i t t e d t o t e a c h i n g feedback regarding  the  Doug f o u n d t h a t  The  h i s students  s i n g l e assigned 27  an  a grave  i n s t r u c t o r no  longer  nor t o p r o v i d i n g  paper.  Doug f e l t  any  very  d i s i l l u s i o n e d and r e f u s e d course.  He c a r e f u l l y t h o u g h t o u t t h e r e p e r c u s s i o n  graduating action.  from t h e school  and d e c i d e d  t o take  of not  that course of  "And b y n o t w r i t i n g my p a p e r , I f a i l e d t h e c l a s s a n d  wouldn't graduate. part.  t o complete h i s assignment f o r t h e  W h i c h was a v e r y  conscious  d e c i s i o n o n my  The d i p l o m a f r o m s u c h a s c h o o l means s o m e t h i n g o n l y t o  that school.  Uh, i t means n o t h i n g  i n the industry.  m a t t e r e d more t o me n o t t o p u t m y s e l f t h r o u g h d o i n g . . . b e c a u s e I h a d no r e s p e c t not  forit."  . . . i t a project  W h i l e he d i d n o t mind  r e c e i v i n g h i s d i p l o m a , he r e g r e t t e d n o t c o m p l a i n i n g  to the  a d m i n i s t r a t i o n sooner about t h e n e g l e c t o f h i s i n s t r u c t o r . Doug h a d a l s o a n t i c i p a t e d t h a t t h e p r o d u c t i o n w o u l d be a l i t t l e  industry  b i t more o p e n , p a r t i c u l a r l y a b o u t s e x u a l i t y .  He f o u n d , h o w e v e r , t h a t w h i l e h e was h o p i n g t h a t t h e y m i g h t be w i s e t o t h e ways o f t h e w o r l d , the  issue of h i s sexual  i n t e r e s t i n g being separate  i fnot accepting,  orientation.  they  avoided  " I t [was] r e a l l y  i n a t h e a t r e community because i t i s a  c o m m u n i t y , t o n o t e t h e amount o f o v e r t h o m o p h o b i a  happened, o r h e t e r o s e x i s m ,  whichever you term i t . "  o v e r t s t a t e m e n t s w o u l d be made d e n i g r a t i n g s e x u a l  that  Occasionally acts that are  a s s o c i a t e d w i t h g a y men, o r d e n i g r a t i n g t h e t e r m " g a y " .  Rather  t h a n j e o p a r d i z e t h e d e g r e e t o w h i c h h e f e l t a c c e p t e d , Doug l i m i t e d h i s response t o c o l d g l a r e s , never addressing  the issue  directly. Doug e n d e d up f o r g e t t i n g a b o u t s c h o o l and  focussed  and about t h e g r a d e s  h i s a t t e n t i o n on w o r k t h a t r e a l l y 28  i n t e r e s t e d him.  He w o r k e d f o r o n e o f h i s i n s t r u c t o r s who h a d a r e c o r d i n g s t u d i o . While  h e was i n i t i a l l y  n o t p a i d f o r t h e w o r k , h e was  promised  p a y i n s e v e r a l m o n t h s when t h e b u s i n e s s was e s t a b l i s h e d .  Doug  c o u l d a f f o r d t o work w i t h o u t p a y f o r a c o u p l e o f months and d i d so f o r t h e e x p e r i e n c e .  Despite g i v i n g h i s employer t h i s  i n f o r m a t i o n , he e v e n t u a l l y h a d t o l e a v e t h e s t u d i o .  "What e n d e d  b e i n g d e m o r a l i z i n g was um n o t e v e n h a v i n g e v e n a n y a c k n o w l e d g e m e n t o f t h e w o r k t h a t I was d o i n g , h a d d o n e . " week h e became i l l a n d was u n a b l e let  those  a t t h e s t u d i o know.  returned t o the studio again.  t o g e t through  One  on t h e phone t o  They n e v e r phoned h i m ; he He s a y s , " I g u e s s I f o u n d o u t  how much t h e y c a r e d a b o u t me." When Doug r e c o g n i z e s t h a t t h e r e h a v e b e e n s e v e r a l o c c a s i o n s when t h e men s u p e r v i s i n g h i m h a v e n e g a t e d t h e i m p o r t a n c e  of h i s  work and i t s outcomes.  When h e h a s some g o a l o r outcome i n m i n d  and  by o t h e r s i n t h e work o r s c h o o l  i t i s not supported  e n v i r o n m e n t , h e becomes d i s i l l u s i o n e d w i t h h i s c h o i c e , f i n d s t h e work o r s c h o o l s i t u a t i o n u n t e n a b l e , paths  again.  field,  and f a c e s t h e need t o change  When t h e o p p o r t u n i t y a r i s e s t o c o n t i n u e i n t h e  he has a reduced  d e s i r e t o continue towards h i s o r i g i n a l  aim. D u r i n g t h e l a s t week w o r k i n g  a t t h e s t u d i o , Doug b e g a n  v o l u n t e e r i n g a t a n o n p r o f i t agency working crisis.  T h e t r a i n i n g h e r e c e i v e d a t t h e a g e n c y was a v e r y  i n t e r e s t i n g experience sharp  w i t h t h e AIDS h e a l t h  f o r him: " i t f e l t  r e a l l y g o o d a n d was a  c o n t r a s t t o g o i n g t o t h e s t u d i o which by t h a t time  felt  r e a l l y b a d . . . t r a i n i n g was v e r y d i f f e r e n t , was  very  e x p e r i e n t i a l , and uh a l o t o f v e r y deep e m o t i o n a l  stuff.  He w e n t t h r o u g h life"  a c r i s i s p e r i o d o f "what am I d o i n g w i t h  a g a i n b u t a s he e n j o y e d  . ." my  h i s work a t t h e agency, he  e v e n t u a l l y i n d i c a t e d t o t h e d i r e c t o r t h a t h e was l o o k i n g f o r work.  A s p o s i t i o n s became a v a i l a b l e Doug was o f f e r e d w o r k a n d  c o n t i n u e s t o work t h e r e a f t e r t h r e e  years.  W h i l e he c o n s i d e r s l e a v i n g h i s c u r r e n t j o b o c c a s i o n a l l y , Doug h a s no s t r o n g d e s i r e t o p u r s u e o t h e r o p t i o n s a t t h i s  time.  He d o e s c o n s i d e r r e t u r n i n g t o u n i v e r s i t y t o f i n i s h h i s d e g r e e a t some f u t u r e d a t e when t h e d e s i r e o r c r i s i s moves h i m a g a i n .  30  CHAPTER V Samuel's  Story I do t h i n k I ' v e c h o s e n my c a r e e r s n o t b e c a u s e I'm g a y . . .  I t h i n k I went where I f e l t  welcomed.  B o r n o n t h e summer s o l s t i c e J u n e 2 1 , 1 9 5 0 , S a m u e l i s a Gemini, t h e a s t r o l o g i c a l s i g n denoting  t h e c o n t r a s t between two  e l e m e n t s . He i s t h e o n l y s o n o f a d i p l o m a t  a n d h i s w i f e a n d was  educated i n a v a r i e t y o f p r i v a t e s c h o o l s and by t u t o r s depending on w h e r e h i s p a r e n t s w e r e s t a t i o n e d .  H i s parents  encouraged h i s  s e l f - r e l i a n c e a n d i n d e p e n d e n c e , a n d w h i l e h e h a d no s p e c i a l s t a t u s o f h i s own, h e was a c c e p t e d c h i l d r e n h a v e no a c c e s s  i n many p l a c e s t o w h i c h  due t o h i s p a r e n t s '  In g i v i n g h i s character d e f i n i t i o n ,  position.  Samuel s u g g e s t s  that i n  a g r e a t many ways he i s s e t a p a r t f r o m t h e m a j o r i t y o f p e o p l e . This i s exemplified a t the beginning  o f h i s i n t e r v i e w when he  d e s c r i b e s an i n c i d e n t w i t h h i s mother:" she t h o u g h t o f h e r s e l f as a D r u i d .  I remember a s a c h i l d b e i n g t a k e n t o S t o n e h e n g e t o  watch t h e sun r i s e . " his parents'  He a l s o n o t e s  t h a t he i s n o t t h e f o c u s o f  a t t e n t i o n ; " i n f a c t a t a n e a r l y a g e , I m i s t o o k my  m o t h e r ' s i n t e r e s t a r o u n d J u n e 2 1 s t f o r my b i r t h d a y . course  i t wasn't."  Samuel r e g a r d s  h i m s e l f a s e x i s t i n g on t h e  p e r i p h e r y o f t h e s o c i a l w o r l d a n d , i n many w a y s , there. parents'  Again  And o f  disregarded  he d e s c r i b e s an i n c i d e n t from c h i l d h o o d :  "My  i d e a o f t r a i n i n g me was t o t a k e me a l o n g t o t h e  r e s t a u r a n t s t h a t t h e y a t e i n , p u t a r e s t a u r a n t menu i n f r o n t o f me, a n d c a r r y o n w i t h t h e i r c o n v e r s a t i o n not  an u n p l e a s a n t p o s i t i o n f o r Samuel.  loved,  and d i n n e r . "  T h i s was  He f e l t h e was w e l l  " t h e a p p l e o f my m o t h e r ' s e y e a n d my f a t h e r ' s " , a n d was  e n c o u r a g e d t o make h i s own d e c i s i o n s ; " I h a v e a l w a y s b e e n [ a ] precocious  p e r s o n b e c a u s e a t a n e a r l y a g e I was a l l o w e d  up my own m i n d a b o u t t h i n g s .  I c o u l d make my own  t o make  choices."  Samuel i n d i c a t e s t h a t t h i s i s a f a c t o r i n h i s a d u l t l i f e : " I t h i n k t h a t b a c k g r o u n d i s w h a t l e d me t o m a k i n g d e c i s i o n s o f my own a s a g a y p e r s o n . accepting  F i n d i n g my own r o l e m o d e l s a n d n o t  perhaps t h e standard  o n e s t h a t w e r e t h r o w n a t me."  W h i l e g r o w i n g u p , S a m u e l was a w a r e o f Diplomatic  C o r p s who p r o v i d e d  " t h a t ' s one o f t h e b i g g e s t sexual first and  experiences sexual  a d i s t i n c t i v e model f o r him;  i n f l u e n c e s f o r me . . .  were n u r t u r e d  experiences  t r e a t people with respect  h a p p e n e d b e t w e e n 11 a n d 13 y e a r s o f a g e services.  discipline.  and d i g n i t y : "bad manners were n o t  And so I d i d n ' t d e v e l o p any.  n i g h t , I ' v e h a d many p e o p l e s a y , my r e t o r t i s , "How c a n I n o t ?  about?"  The d i s c i p l i n e he  He f e e l s i t i s c r i t i c a l t o  e v e n when p e o p l e c a l l me w i t h p h o n e c a l l s  And  His  a n d saw i n t h e s e r v i c e a l s o i m p a r t e d t o S a m u e l a  strong sense o f personal  encouraged.  my e a r l y  i n t h a t environment."  w e r e w i t h men i n t h e D i p l o m a t i c  experienced  g a y men i n t h e  And uh, even t o d a y , i n the middle of the  "How c a n y o u b e s o p o l i t e ? " What do I h a v e t o b e u p s e t  He a l s o a c c o u n t s f o r h i s a c t i v e p a r t i c i p a t i o n i n t h e  A m e r i c a n U n i f o r m A s s o c i a t i o n , an o r g a n i z a t i o n p r i m a r i l y  c o m p r i s e d o f g a y men who h a v e a n i n t e r e s t i n u n i f o r m s , r e s u l t o f h i s background.  "I feel  i t ' s f a r more a p a r t o f my  destiny.  I grew up, a s y o u c a n imagine,  uniformed  men."  T r a v e l l i n g with h i s parents  around a l o t o f  gave h i m o p p o r t u n i t y t o e x p l o r e  l a r g e c i t i e s w h e r e same s e x a c t i v i t y him.  as a  was r e a d i l y a v a i l a b l e t o  Relocating frequently also fostered his a b i l i t y t o feel  t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f m a k i n g a home w h e r e v e r h e was s i t u a t e d . had  spent h i s childhood l i v i n g  whenever h i s p a r e n t s came t o a c c e p t i t t o be."  i n hotels or rented  t o o k a new p o s t i n g .  houses  Samuel s u g g e s t s , " I  t h a t home was w h e r e y o u made i t .  Where y o u c h o s e  H i s concept o f personal choice i n determining  home was t o b e i s p a r a d o x i c a l .  He  where  H i s parents would accept t h e  p o s t i n g o f f e r e d t o them b y t h e g o v e r n m e n t , a n d h e was b r o u g h t a l o n g w i t h t h e m r e g a r d l e s s o f h i s own w i s h e s . occasions kid  On n u m e r o u s  d u r i n g t h e i n t e r v i e w he r e f e r r e d t o b e i n g  i n tow." Despite  "the l i t t l e  l i m i t e d c h o i c e s a v a i l a b l e t o him,  f e e l s he i s t h e agent o f h i s d e c i s i o n s . home, " I t ' s n o t a p l a c e I'm s t u c k . world and I chose t o l i v e  He s a y s  Samuel  of his current  I ' v e t r a v e l l e d most o f t h e  here."  S a m u e l a c t i v e l y i n c o r p o r a t e s t h e d u a l i t y o f h i s own a g e n c y in his definition of himself. aspects here.  He s t a t e s , " I t h i n k t h e r e a r e t w o  Gemini l o v e s double t h i n g s , and o f course,  b o r n on t h e cusp.  I was  So I t h i n k t h a t b a c k g r o u n d i s w h a t l e d me t o  m a k i n g d e c i s i o n s o f my own a s a g a y p e r s o n . models and n o t a c c e p t i n g perhaps t h e standard 33  F i n d i n g my own r o l e ones...."  Yet  s o m e t i m e s he f a i l s t o a c k n o w l e d g e t h e l i m i t a t i o n s p l a c e d o n some of h i s choices;  " B u t , I've n e v e r , I wasn't r a i s e d i n an  e n v i r o n m e n t w h e r e i t was w h e r e I h a d t o make c o n c e s s i o n s . t h i s h a s made i t d i f f i c u l t had  a c t u a l l y k e p t me  f o r me a s a p e r s o n  . . . .  from making r e l a t i o n s h i p s .  my c h o i c e o f j o b s a s a g a y p e r s o n a g a i n ,  And  And i t  In fact I think  I t h i n k I had  d e l i b e r a t e l y r e s t r i c t e d my c o n t a c t w i t h p e o p l e s o t h a t I w o u l d n ' t b e f o r c e d i n t o a s i t u a t i o n w h e r e I h a d t o make  those  decisions." I n t h e 1960s, Samuel's p a r e n t s  came t o C a n a d a t o o f f i c i a t e  a t a t r a d e e x p o s i t i o n and b r o u g h t him a l o n g . s c h o o l when t h e y  He was  l e f t Canada t o r e t i r e a b r o a d .  completing  "These were t h e  y e a r s w h e r e a b o y my age w o u l d h a v e b e e n j u s t f i n i s h i n g school.  And w o u l d have c h o i c e s  [ a b o u t ] w h a t t o do n e x t .  been k e e n on t h e a t r e f o r q u i t e a l o n g t i m e . became i n v o l v e d w i t h a y o u t h t h e a t r e company. i n n o v a t i v e t h e a t r e f o r youths. work f o r t h e s e  I decided  And a t t h a t t i m e I I t ' s a w e l l known  t h a t I w o u l d s t a y and  Samuel e n r o l l e d i n a t h e a t r e s c h o o l a t t h e  t i m e u n d e r t h e t u t e l a g e o f an i n f l u e n t i a l  acting instructor.  a v e r y h i g h o p i n i o n o f h i s new m e n t o r : " t h i s man  exceptional  I'd  p e o p l e f o r t h e summer. . . I t h e n e n r o l l e d i n t h e  T h e a t r e Academy."  had  high  . . . B r i l l i a n t man.  Theatre f o r a very  long time.  Worked  w i t h him and worked w i t h him f o r f o u r  was  f o r the National  B r i l l i a n t man.  And s o I  Polish  stayed  years."  Samuel had been i n t e r e s t e d i n t h e a t r e f o r a l o n g t i m e , he no l o n g e r c o u l d r e l y on h i s p a r e n t s 34  He  financially,  s o he  and  continued  t o study  at the theatre school  f o r four years.  Acting  e n a b l e d h i m t o g a i n a t t e n t i o n b u t n o t f o r h i m s e l f , r a t h e r f o r an i d e n t i t y he p o r t r a y e d .  This mirrored  t h e t y p e o f a t t e n t i o n he  r e c e i v e d as a c h i l d w i t h h i s parents. was a b y p r o d u c t o f h i s p a r e n t s '  roles.  people are looking f o r i d e n t i t y . g i v e i t t o them.  The a t t e n t i o n h e  received  " I r e a l i z e that a l o t of  T h e y l o o k t o me  sometime t o  J u s t a s t h e p e o p l e who p a i d me t o a c t b o t h on  s t a g e and on camera d i d .  To g i v e them a n i d e n t i t y .  To  create  s o m e t h i n g f o r them t h a t t h e y c o u l d t u n e i n o n a n d f o c u s . h a v e b e e n s t a r i n g a t me a l l my  life.  I t ' s part of the  I wasn't a VIP.  People nature  when y o u r p a r e n t s  are VIPs.  I was j u s t i n t o w  w i t h my p a r e n t s .  But I understood t h e mystique t h a t people a r e  l o o k i n g f o r . . . t h a t ' s one o f t h e r e a s o n s I was a s u c c e s s on stage." Samuel, d e s p i t e h i s i n t e r e s t i n m i l i t a r y , p o l i c e and d i p l o m a t i c s e r v i c e was n o t w i l l i n g t o p u r s u e a c a r e e r area.  He e n j o y e d a d i s t i n c t s t a t u s a n d was u n w i l l i n g t o  sublimate take  i n this  h i s own s e x u a l  orders.  a uniform  t h o u g h t s and i n t e l l e c t u a l t h o u g h t s t o  He l i k e d t h e a t t e n t i o n t h a t t h e o u t w a r d v e s t i g e s o f  g a v e h i m a n d t h e men  i tattracted.  a m i l i t a r y c a r e e r , b u t a f t e r my o b s e r v a t i o n s m i l i t a r y and t r a v e l l i n g ,  I decided  a l l o w p e o p l e t o p u s h me a r o u n d . w o u l d g i v e me  " I had thought o f of other  I was t o o u n d i s c i p l i n e d t o  . .  Where I t h o u g h t t h e t h e a t r e  a chance t o p l a y out these other  During t h i s time, finance h i s schooling.  people's  roles...."  Samuel h e l d s e v e r a l p a r t t i m e j o b s t o His parents' 35  departure  meant  financial  i n d e p e n d e n c e was a n e c e s s i t y . being  i n t h e a t r e , t o support  "So I h a d t o q u i c k l y f i n d a way, myself.  . .  I realized  s i n c e I was  i n v o l v e d i n t h e a t r e t h a t t h e e a s i e s t way f o r me t o make a was t o d o s o m e t h i n g I was a l r e a d y d o i n g . speaking."  necessary  companies and i n  as they used h i s v e r b a l and v o c a l  A d d i t i o n a l l y , h i s parents' passport.  A n d I was a l r e a d y  He c h o s e t o w o r k f o r t e l e p h o n e  broadcasting  departure  abilities.  l e f t Samuel w i t h o u t  I n order t o tour with h i s theatre school f o r him t o have a p a s s p o r t .  living  H i s parents  a  i t was h a d made  t h e m s e l v e s p e r s o n a e non g r a t a w i t h t h e i r government due t o t h e circumstances  of t h e i r retirement; therefore, with the help of  a n i n f l u e n t i a l man a t t h e i r embassy i n C a n a d a , S a m u e l became a Canadian c i t i z e n . native country  He was a l s o d i s i n c l i n e d t o r e t u r n t o h i s  a n d become t h e s t e r e o t y p e  p o i n t o f a l l my r a m b l i n g Canada.  question of choice.  And c e r t a i n l y  back and had t o l i v e  the l i f e  and  felt  Again,  i t was a  i n my c h i l d h o o d ,  i f I ' d gone  o f a l o n e l y homosexual I don't  happy."  Samuel began h i s a c t i n g c a r e e r alienated there.  He was d i s e n c h a n t e d  i n Toronto but f e l t w i t h t h e people o f Toronto  r e j e c t e d b y w h a t he v i e w e d a s t h e g a y c o m m u n i t y .  n e v e r f e l t t h a t I was w e l c o m e i n T o r o n t o . . . t h a t I always f e l t  "The  h e r e i s t o e x p l a i n how I g o t s t u c k i n  'Cause i t r e a l l y w a s n ' t s t u c k .  t h i n k I ' d have been v e r y  he e n v i s i o n e d .  "I  i t was a c i t y  r e j e c t e d i n . . . .My g a y a s s o c i a t i o n s t h e r e  were l i m i t e d because I f e l t r e j e c t e d by t h e community b a r l i f e . " He a l s o h a t e d  the climate.  H i s agent s u g g e s t e d t h a t he c o u l d 36  get  a l o t o f work i n V a n c o u v e r , a c i t y Samuel had v i s i t e d  liked,  s o S a m u e l moved. He was o f f e r e d a j o b a n d was  successful.  has played  To f e e l w a n t e d a n d r e s p e c t e d  a very  important  Throughout h i s l i f e ,  Samuel has c o n t i n u e d  associated with  it.  decisions.  his leisure  i n t e r e s t s e t s him set of  He i s a b l e t o p l a y o u t a r o l e  w i t h i n a c o m m u n i t y o f i n d i v i d u a l s who He h a s b e e n v e r y  endorse t h i s  behaviour.  r e l u c t a n t t o be c a s t a s an e f f e m i n a t e  gay  has c a r e f u l l y chosen h i s v e n t u r e s t o a v o i d t h i s .  don't t h i n k w e a r i n g plumed f e a t h e r s  old  I  i n my h e a d a n d p u t t i n g  shadow a r e g o i n g  t o h o l d me up t o my  age." W h i l e on v a c a t i o n  pivotal point.  i n San F r a n c i s c o , Samuel r e a c h e d a  He was t w e n t y f i v e y e a r s o l d a n d a g r e a t  i n h i s m i l i t a r y r e g a l i a when he was o u t s o c i a l i z i n g . participated and  man  "My  interests are the kind of interests that l a s t a l i f e t i m e .  makeup o v e r a f i v e o ' c l o c k  very  individual  f r o m t h e gay community a t l a r g e and t h e u s u a l  stereotypes  in a  A s a n a c t i v e member o f t h e  A m e r i c a n U n i f o r m A s s o c i a t i o n , he f e e l s t h i s  and  as an  p a r t i n Samuel's c a r e e r  i n t e r e s t i n u n i f o r m s and r e g a l i a .  apart  immediately  He s u g g e s t s t h a t " p e o p l e h e r e e m b r a c e d me  p o s i t i v e way."  and  He  i n t h e Gay P r i d e p a r a d e a n d p r o t e s t e d A n i t a  the Briggs  initiative.  c r o w d s , on t h i s o c c a s i o n  Bryant  W h i l e he u s u a l l y f e l t r e p e l l e d b y  he f e l t a p a r t o f i t .  "I felt  though I had been brought back t o a focus p o i n t . T h e r e w e r e h u n d r e d s o f p e o p l e t h e r e who w e r e g a y . different viewpoints.  success  I felt With  as good. very  . . a l l kinds of i n t e r e s t i n g people . . .  I  f e l t c l o s e r t o w h a t e v e r i t i s t h a t I am, t h a n I h a v e  felt. is."  ever  I f e l t a p a r t o f w h a t e v e r t h a t was. Of w h a t e v e r b e i n g g a y A man t h a t h e a d m i r e d  a s k e d h i m t o make a  pornographic  f i l m w i t h h i m , and a l t h o u g h Samuel wasn't p a i d , he g a i n e d enormous s a t i s f a c t i o n from b e i n g a s k e d .  He was a c c e p t e d f o r  himself. S o o n a f t e r t h i s e x p e r i e n c e , S a m u e l was t o u r i n g B r i t i s h C o l u m b i a when h i s p a r e n t s d i e d .  The t h e a t r e company w i t h h e l d  t h e i n f o r m a t i o n f r o m S a m u e l f o r f o u r m o n t h s u n t i l t h e t o u r was over. And  " I wasn't t o l d about t h e i r death u n t i l June o f t h a t year.  s o I d i d n ' t f e e l v e r y good about t h a t .  r e a l l y t r u s t these people  I felt  I couldn't  . . . So I came b a c k t o V a n c o u v e r  a f t e r l e a v i n g t h e t h e a t r e company i n J u n e . " A t t h i s p a r t i c u l a r p o i n t Samuel h i t a c r i s i s . himself,  "What t h e h e l l  am I d o i n g ? . "  He  asked  The r e s u l t o f h i s  d e l i b e r a t i o n s was t h a t he d e c i d e d t o c h a n g e c a r e e r s a n d e n t e r e d a c o l l e g e a r c h i t e c t u r a l d r a f t i n g course.  He no l o n g e r  felt  r e s p e c t e d i n t h e a t r e a n d w i t h h i s p a r e n t ' s d e a t h , h e no l o n g e r had  to play at roles. Once a g a i n a n i n f l u e n t i a l man p l a y e d a m a j o r r o l e i n t h e  development o f h i s c a r e e r path. his  A t t h e i n s t i g a t i o n o f one o f  c o l l e g e i n s t r u c t o r s , he e n t e r e d a d e s i g n c o m p e t i t i o n a n d won  a s c h o l a r s h i p t o Ryerson  P o l y t e c h n i c a l School  " A g a i n some g u a r d i a n a n g e l o r l u c k .  And s o I d e c i d e d s i n c e I  won t h a t I w o u l d f o l l o w t h r o u g h w i t h t h a t . was c h o s e n e t c e t e r a f o r R y e r s o n  And s o I a p p l i e d and  Polytechnic." 38  i n Toronto.  W h i l e he  still  hated for  Toronto  he d e t e r m i n e d  four years.  t o r e t u r n and  "Well a f t e r the death  I ' d gone t h r o u g h ,  study, s l u g g i n g i t out  o f my  i t seemed l i k e I was  p a r e n t s and  g o i n g t o go  what  through  purgatory." In  Toronto  he w o r k e d on a p a r t - t i m e b a s i s f o r s e v e r a l  p r e s t i g i o u s i n t e r i o r d e s i g n houses.  He  thought  that  by  c o n c e n t r a t i n g on h i s w o r k he w o u l d a v o i d t h e same u n h a p p i n e s s t h a t had still  occurred e a r l i e r i n Toronto.  f e l t quite alienated there.  Despite h i s attempt,  Sexual contacts  r e l a t i o n s h i p s t o o k s u b o r d i n a t e r o l e s t o h i s own and  and  d e c i s i o n t o work  t o r e t u r n t o Vancouver. In  1981  S a m u e l r e t u r n e d t o V a n c o u v e r and p r a c t i c e d i n t e r i o r  d e s i g n f o r a l a r g e n a t i o n a l company. to  he  a new  full  T h r e e y e a r s ago  f i r m i n charge of t h e i r design department.  c i r c l e a g a i n , t o r e t u r n t o V a n c o u v e r and  he He  moved has  come  reestablish  himself i n a successful career. "I I've gay  t h i n k i n t h e j o b s t h a t I've had  c e r t a i n l y c h o s e n gay job."  jobs without  throughout  this period,  i t being s p e c i f i c a l l y  Of h i s m a j o r c a r e e r c h o i c e s o f a c t i n g and  interior  d e s i g n , Samuel r e c o g n i z e s t h a t t h e y a r e o f t e n s t e r e o t y p e d j o b s t h a t homosexuals choose. are c e r t a i n advantages t o t h i s ; My  i n t e r e s t s are out  ask people  bearer,  He  c a n s e e them.  T h e y ' r e f o r me.  also states,  They're not  " I r e a l i z e t h a t I'm  i f y o u w i s h , o r u n i q u e and  as  indicates that there  " n o t h i n g s e c r e t a b o u t my  i n t h e open, p e o p l e  t o a c c e p t them.  anybody e l s e . "  H o w e v e r , he  a  the  life. I don't for standard  d i f f e r e n t , b u t t h a t ' s my  trip  and  I'm  loyal to i t . "  permitted  h i m s e l f the  w i t h i n the context o r no  By c h o o s i n g  rejection.  h i s career path,  freedom t o express h i s s e x u a l  o f h i s w o r k e n v i r o n m e n t and He  Samuel  was  a b l e t o f e e l he was  has  orientation  hope f o r  making  little  no  compromises. In making h i s c h o i c e s , attempting  t o be  belonging. his  been e v i d e n t  Samuel has  discovered  his career  with  as  from a v a r i e t y of h i s  efforts:  community, h i s  most i m p o r t a n t l y , h i s j o b  that there  choices,  s t e r e o t y p i c a l l y gay t h a t one  recognized  o f c i t i z e n s h i p , h i s r o l e i n t h e gay  f a m i l y r e l a t i o n s h i p s , and  in  often struggled  d i s t i n c t i v e while being  T h i s has  choice  Samuel has  choices.  i s a limitation to this  freedom  a l a c k of acceptance even i n t h o s e  jobs.  "One  of the t h i n g s about being  i s n ' t a b l e t o s h a r e one's l i f e .  The  sexual  gay  is  part,  p e o p l e d o n ' t want t o h e a r t h a t y o u ' r e making l o v e w i t h a b i g h u s k y man.  T h e y d o n ' t w a n t t o know t h a t y o u ' r e d a t i n g a  cop.  T h e y ' r e more t i t i l l a t e d b y t h e s o u n d o f t h a t r a t h e r t h a n  the  r e a l i t y t h a t y o u ' r e s h a r i n g y o u r l i f e w i t h someone.  uh,  this  i s h a r d f o r some p e o p l e t o e x p l a i n .  r e a s o n s why I've  always maintained  measure. my how  I t h i n k gay  life.  A cloak . . .  t o use  precedence.  it.  p e o p l e , and a distance.  i f you  wish.  I t ' s one  c e r t a i n l y why I t had  And of  for  the myself,  been a p r o t e c t i v e  Of k e e p i n g p e e r i n g  eyes out  of  Once t h e y h a v e t h i s i n f o r m a t i o n , t h e y d o n ' t know . . .  I t was  m e r e l y a way  Who's b e t t e r , who's b i g g e r . "  f o r them t o Samuel  limits  i n f o r m a t i o n about h i m s e l f w h i l e a t work, t o l i m i t t h e 40  establish  rejection  and  t h e p o s s i b l e homophobia. Samuel i s a l s o aware t h a t he i s i n f e c t e d w i t h t h e Human  Immunodeficiency V i r u s .  He h a s become a c t i v e  i n a volunteer  o r g a n i z a t i o n w h i c h a s s i s t s t h o s e w i t h AIDS. T h i s h a s b e e n h i s way o f s h a r i n g and g i v i n g b a c k t o t h e community. a b l e t o c o n t i n u e t o make t h e s e c h o i c e s . c h o i c e s a b o u t my  funeral,  " I hope t o be  I mean, I ' v e made some  a n d a b o u t my w i l l  a n d I make some  p l a n s a b o u t what I'm g o i n g t o b e d o i n g n e x t month. independent  person  and I would l i k e  . . . I'm an  t o remain independent  f o r as  l o n g a s my h e a l t h a l l o w s me t o . "  Samuel c o n t i n u e s t o f r a m e h i s  e x p e r i e n c e w i t h i n h i s own adage,  " t h e most e f f e c t i v e way t o c o p e  w i t h c h a n g e i s t o h e l p c r e a t e i t " and t h i s commitments and h i s o n g o i n g that while h i s l i f e  fuels h i s leisure  work commitments.  h a s come f u l l  circle  He a l s o  t w i c e , he i s l o o k i n g  t o w a r d s t h e f u t u r e a n d i s m a k i n g h i s own c h o i c e s .  41  notes  CHAPTER V I Raymond's  Story When I i n t e r v i e w e d Raymond h e was a  self-employed  f r e e l a n c e w r i t e r and had a v a r i e t y o f c o n t r a c t s and p r o j e c t s underway.  He was f o r t y y e a r s o l d a n d l i v e d w i t h h i s l o v e r o f  nearly t e n years.  A well-educated  man, Raymond h o l d s t w o  M a s t e r s d e g r e e s ; one i n P o l i t i c a l  Science  Education,  i n Adult  as w e l l as a Doctorate  and a n o t h e r  Raymond c o n s i d e r s t h a t h e " b a c k e d i n t o  i n Adult  Education. writing",  e s s e n t i a l l y coming t o w r i t i n g a f t e r a s e r i e s o f e x p e r i e n c e s i n related educational fields.  He c o n s i d e r s t h a t h e a c q u i r e d m o s t  o f h i s j o b s somewhat f o r t u i t o u s l y .  " I t r i e d on a l l k i n d s o f  things before a c t u a l l y being able t o c a l l myself I found myself  a writer.  And  um, how  . . .  i n various career situations are  really,  um y o u know um, I f e e l a k i n d o f s e r e n d i p i t o u s e x p o s u r e  t o w h a t was h a p p e n i n g i n my l i f e . "  Although  Raymond v i e w s h i s  j o b s a s c o m i n g t o h i m on t h e b a s i s o f c h a n c e e n c o u n t e r s , r e p o r t s t h a t as a youth to learn h i s craft of h i s f i r s t  he a s p i r e d t o be a w r i t e r a n d h a s s o u g h t  i n w h a t e v e r j o b he h a s had t o d a t e .  job a f t e r graduating,  w e l l b e i n t e r e s t e d i n w h a t I'm d o i n g use every  reached As  I might as  He h a s b e e n a b l e t o  from each j o b he h a s h e l d u n t i l  a g o a l w h i c h met h i s p e r s o n a l c o n c e p t o f h i m s e l f . a teenager,  he a n d a c l o s e f r i e n d u s e d t o d i s c u s s 42  notes  from a w r i t i n g p e r s p e c t i v e .  opportunity I can t o w r i t e . "  draw a l e a r n i n g e x p e r i e n c e  He  " I f I'm g o i n g t o make  a n y t h i n g o u t o f my j o b , I'm g o i n g t o h a v e t o w r i t e .  And  he  he  literature,  t h e i r ideas  becoming w r i t e r s .  a b o u t w h a t l i f e was,  and  dream  of  Raymond r e m a r k e d i r o n i c a l l y o f h i s f r i e n d , " I  t h o u g h t a t t h e t i m e he  had  f a r more g i f t s t o become a w r i t e r  than I d i d but  I still  had  t h e d e s i r e and  o f E n g l i s h and  d o e s n ' t do  any  i s the  first  him  i n h i s a s p i r a t i o n s and  on  disappointed he  d i d not  c h u r c h c h o i r and  options,  was  a priest.  f o u n d someone t o  Raymond h a d  considered He  had  was  t h a t I r e a l l y w a n t e d t o be who  t h e p r i e s t as a model." with t h i s choice  though.  suspicious  He  difficulty  of the  For  been s i n g i n g i n  a  the  liked.  I remember  the  a p r i e s t (laugh).  you  know, l o c k e d  And life. onto  have been happy  s u g g e s t s t h a t t h e y were  "probably  H i s grandmother, a p r o t e s t a n t church t o endorse t h i s  convert,  possibility  enthusiasm.  Raymond's n e x t i d e a was p r i m a r i l y due was  ability,  pursuing.  His parents would not  s h o c k e d " by h i s n o t i o n .  w i t h any  spur  I i d o l i z e d a t t h e t i m e i n my  t h e m a l e s o p r a n o a t t h a t t i m e and,  too  This  eventually  u n d e r t h e g u i d a n c e o f a p r i e s t he  I t h i n k a l o t o f t h a t was  who  the w r i t e r . "  went t h r o u g h a l o t o f d i f f e r e n t phases but  I was  teacher  a c h i e v e the g o a l of becoming a w r i t e r .  w h i l e , he w a n t e d t o be  was  I'm  a m b i t i o n s who  t e l l i n g h i s p a r e n t s w h a t c a r e e r he  f i r s t one  the  W h i l e h i s f r i e n d seemed t o h a v e t h e  In exploring h i s career  "I  he's  w r i t i n g and  i n d i c a t i o n t h a t Raymond had  him.  now  to enter d e n t i s t r y .  This  idea  was  t o h i s e x p e r i e n c e w i t h h i s o r t h o d o n t i s t , a woman  a dominant f i g u r e i n h i s l i f e  i d e a I s e i z e d o n t o was  at the time.  becoming a d e n t i s t . 43  And  uh,  "The  next  this largely  came o u t  o f t h e n e x t p e r s o n t h a t I f o u n d who  d o m i n a n t f i g u r e i n my by  life.  a woman o r t h o d o n t i s t who  f u n t h i n g you  having  my  a  made o r t h o d o n t i c s  seem l i k e t h e . . . that  a p r o f e s s i o n a l who  coat  and  makes l o t s o f money i s a b o u t t h e b e s t  do."  His  f a m i l y ' s e n d o r s e m e n t o f h i s d e c i s i o n was When he  t h o u g h t t h a t he'd more s u p p o r t i v e In the  most was  wears a white  t h i n g you an  pursue d e n t i s t r y , h i s parents  can  important  e n r o l l e d i n u n i v e r s i t y , i t was  of t h i s career  first  straightened  news b e c a u s e d e n t i s t s make l o t s o f money  i n a European f a m i l y , being  consideration.  really  teeth  c o u l d p o s s i b l y do w i t h y o u r l i f e  r e c e i v e d w i t h as g r e a t and  I was  was  having  with  the  b e e n much  choice.  year of u n i v e r s i t y , while e n r o l l e d i n a  s c i e n c e p r o g r a m , Raymond r e a l i z e d t h a t t h e r e was  some c o n f l i c t  b e t w e e n t h e two  Of h i s  c u r r i c u l u m he  i d e a s o f w r i t i n g and  says,  dentistry.  " t h a t w a s n ' t w h a t my  d e e p e s t d e s i r e was  . I wanted t o u n d e r s t a n d what I c o u l d n ' t  u n d e r s t a n d and  society  left his  . . . t h e way  program t o take his  t h i n g s work."  s o c i a l science  He  science . .  that  was  sciences  c o u r s e s w h i c h came a s a s h o c k  to  parents. Two  c e n t r a l i s s u e s w e r e h i g h l i g h t e d b y Raymond's t a l e  changing h i s f i e l d s of study:  first,  a desire to explore  of  his  r e l a t i o n s h i p with the s o c i a l m i l i e u given h i s sexual o r i e n t a t i o n and,  second, the d e s i r e t o separate  d i s c u s s i n g t h i s f i r s t major career in  h i n d s i g h t he may  sexuality  .  from h i s p a r e n t s . shift,  Raymond s u g g e s t s  w e l l have been a t t e m p t i n g  that  to address h i s  " I t h i n k i n r e t r o s p e c t t h a t I c o u l d see 44  In  now  that  I  may h a v e b e e n d e a l i n g a t t h e t i m e u n c o n s c i o u s l y psychosexual  issues."  He was h o p i n g  with  t o understand  the social  w o r l d and h i s p l a c e i n i t ,  perhaps even t o understand  sexual urges.  t h e i s s u e o f h i s s e x u a l i t y t o l o o m up  He e x p e c t e d  h i s own  on h i m , a l t h o u g h w h i l e a t u n i v e r s i t y Raymond t o o k a v e r y approach t o h i s s e x u a l i s s u e s and conduct.  He s a i d ,  passive  " I kind of  came t o t h e i d e a , l a r g e l y w i t h o u t s u p p o r t , t h a t I was s u p p o s e d t o outgrow t h i s  [homosexuality]."  In evaluating h i s personal  r e a l m , h e d i d n o t c o n f o r m t o a n y image he h a d o f g a y men. found  He  n o m o d e l who r e p r e s e n t e d h i s own i n t e r e s t i n a t h l e t i c s ,  p a r t i c u l a r l y s w i m m i n g , who a l s o h a d a t t r a c t i o n s t o t h e same s e x . " I c o n t i n u e d t o . . . d e a l i n a c l o s e t e d way a n d I h a d no reference points. flamboyant me  . . .  a n d femme . . . t h a t was a b s o l u t e l y t h e o p p o s i t e o f  So t h e r e w e r e a l o t o f t h i n g s t h a t d i d n o t g e t d e a l t  w i t h i n my l i f e . " by  The o n l y g a y s t h a t I knew w e r e v e r y  Raymond's c a r e e r s h i f t was, i n p a r t , d e f i n e d  a s e a r c h t o f i n d some a n s w e r s a b o u t h i m s e l f b y s e e k i n g  societal  some  s t a n d a r d o r m o d e l he c o u l d c o m p a r e h i m s e l f t o .  I n a g r e a t many r e s p e c t s t h e t a l e o f c h a n g i n g  fields of  study i s s i m i l a r t o t h e p r o g r e s s i o n o f r e v e a l i n g a homosexual i d e n t i t y t o p a r e n t s : making a r e v e l a t i o n which has been p r e v i o u s l y unacknowledged t o h i s p a r e n t s and a c t i n g on h i s recognition of h i sdesires. unique understanding  By a s s e r t i n g h i s i n d e p e n d e n c e , h i s  o f h i m s e l f , h e was a b l e t o a c c o m p l i s h  i n d i v i d u a t i o n from h i s f a m i l y . move i n t o s o c i a l  Raymond s t a t e s ,  " I d i d make t h e  s c i e n c e s a t a h u g e s h o c k t o my p a r e n t s .  They  d i d n ' t have t h e r e s o u r c e s  t o deal with i t . "  This too replicates  a response young a d u l t s r e c e i v e from t h e i r p a r e n t s disclosure of t h e i r sexual preference.  I n t h i s manner, Raymond  had  attempted t o separate  and  he was e n a b l e d t o make f u t u r e p e r s o n a l Raymond c o n t i n u e d  degree i n p o l i t i c a l  from h i s p a r e n t ' s  h i s education  sciences.  job as aquatics by  social  and c a r e e r  decisions.  and r e c e i v e d a M a s t e r s  facility  T h i s was a n e x t e n s i o n  director.  expectations  He was i n v o l v e d h e a v i l y i n  swimming and began managing a p o o l completed h i s degree.  at the  once he had of h i susual  summer  He was r e c r u i t e d s h o r t l y t h e r e a f t e r  a nonprofit health organization to participate i n their  p u b l i c education  programs.  The a d v i c e  o f a p r o f e s s o r about t h e  i n f l u e n c e o f n o n p r o f i t a g e n c i e s on p u b l i c p o l i c y e n c o u r a g e d Raymond t o t a k e opportunity is  the job offer.  He a l s o d e t e r m i n e d t o u s e e v e r y  i n t h e j o b t o advance h i s w r i t i n g s k i l l s .  "And t h a t  r e a l l y w h e r e I r e a l i z e d t h a t I was o n a p a t h t h a t was somehow  going  t o involve writing.  I n e v e r knew how I was g o i n g  t o be  a b l e t o d e f i n e t h a t p a t h f r o m one move t o t h e n e x t . . . ." D e t e r m i n i n g how h e w o u l d b e a b l e t o d e f i n e t h a t p a t h was difficult  a s he knew no one who was f o l l o w i n g t h e same  He r e c o u n t s , first  " t h e w r i t e r s who w e r e my a g e a n d g e t t i n g  course. their  j o b s a t t h a t t i m e were j o u r n a l i s t s . And t h e y worked a t a  p a p e r a n d made a l o t l e s s money t h a n I d i d b e i n g the health organization. needed t o be done.  an educator a t  A n d i t seemed l i k e I was d o i n g  what  I d i d n ' t know a n y f r e e l a n c e w r i t e r s a t t h a t  t i m e who d i d w r i t i n g f o r e d u c a t i o n . 46  A n d y o u know, when y o u  t h i n k a b o u t i t now, t h e y m u s t h a v e e x i s t e d , b e c a u s e l o o k a t a l l the textbooks  i n university.  . . . One o f t h e r e a s o n s  I had  l i m i t e d r e s o u r c e s t o work w i t h a s uh an agency p e r s o n , educator,  an agency  a h , a t t h a t p o i n t , was t h a t t h e r e w a s n ' t a n y k i n d o f ,  s o r t o f , carved out t e r r i t o r y of freelance w r i t e r t h a t i s w h a t I do In  such  . . . Whereas  now."  t h e new j o b Raymond t r a v e l l e d a g r e a t d e a l .  In fact  he  was g i v e n t h e a r e a h e ' d g r o w n up i n a s a m a j o r p o r t i o n o f h i s route. assure  H i s s u p e r i o r s f e l t t h a t b y s e n d i n g Raymond t h e y some d e g r e e o f a c c e p t a n c e  f o r t h e work t h e y were  However, r e t u r n i n g a s an e d u c a t e d  man s p o r t i n g d e g r e e s  d i s t a n t u n i v e r s i t i e s worked a g a i n s t him. him.  "And i t was t h o u g h t  difficulties Toronto.  could doing. from  The p e o p l e r e j e c t e d  that I could deal with a l o t of  t h a t t h e y were h a v i n g d e a l i n g w i t h t h a t a r e a  T h a t I m i g h t b e s e e n a s one o f t h e i r own.  was no way someone w i t h a M a s t e r ' s was a t u r n c o a t  ...  trying to t e l l  them w h a t t o d o . "  degree . . .  Well  I l e f t t h e r e a n d now I was c o m i n g b a c k  this  r e j e c t i o n t h a t Raymond came t o know a n i n f l u e n t i a l man who l a t e r r e a l i z e d was g a y .  he  He f r e q u e n t l y r e l i e d o n t h e man's  w i s d o m a n d s u p p o r t t o do h i s j o b .  When t h e man was r e v e a l e d t o  b e m i s r e p r e s e n t i n g h i m s e l f , Raymond was s h a k e n . very a b i l i t y  there  I f anything I  I t was w h i l e he was t o u r i n g h i s r o u t e a n d f a c i n g  his  from  t o do h i s j o b :  47  He  questioned  I a l s o had In the by  some i n c i d e n t s w h i c h w e r e q u i t e  f i r s t y e a r o f w o r k I was  a man  who  worked a t a u n i v e r s i t y phys.  d e p a r t m e n t and did  he was  the coach of the  a l o t of freelance t r a i n i n g  point I discovered odd  tremendously  k i n d o f way,  t h a t he was  i n t h a t we  current  17,  18 y e a r o l d man.  time.  He  sleeping man  sexual  showed up.  partner.  He  I was  stuff  s o odd  i n s u c h a way  a dream. up  somebody and  he was  22  met  by  um man;  o r 23  at  the  at the time.  We  were  together.  t o me  gone on  and  this  third  I really  I  must  because I repressed a l l  as a t e e n a g e r t o t h e  And  I t k i n d o f s h o o k me  why  up.  t h a t the next morning I  w o n d e r e d w h e t h e r i t had  I got  really  q u i t e a young  a b o u t 23,  a c t i v i t y together.  know a b o u t t h i s .  was  was  one  together  l i k e a rude awakening t h a t a d u l t s  h a v i n g same s e x  up  who  E v i d e n t l y h i t c h h i k i n g t o Vancouver.  t h a t had  w h e r e i t was  and  same h o t e l room t o g e t h e r  t h a t t h i s was  this  swim t e a m  were t r a v e l l i n g  t h o u g h t t h e y were h a v i n g sex say  ed.  homosexual, i n a  w o u l d h a v e b e e n a b o u t 27 i n the  influenced  f o r the agency. At  through the North of the province his  scary.  point  were  didn't  I t shook  I me  really  a c t u a l l y happened o r whether i t  ... t h e n e x t m o r n i n g and deal with t h i s  as  I had  i f nothing  t o meet had  happened  anyways. . . But  i n any  case t h i s very 48  i n f l u e n t i a l man  in  my  l i f e had a l s o l e t on o r i n t i m a t e d was a p r o f e s s o r  at a reputable  i n some way t h a t  university.  he  And I t h i n k  t h a t h e d i d a number o f t h i n g s h e r e w h i c h w e r e more t h a n i n t i m a t e . I t h i n k t h a t w h a t he a l s o d i d h e b e g a n to create  a kind of impression  a m o n g s t u s t h a t h e was  w r i t i n g h i s d i s s e r t a t i o n w i t h none o t h e r  than A l v i n  T o f f l e r a t an I v y l e a g u e U n i v e r s i t y i n t h e S t a t e s . Well,  I met somebody who a l s o d i d w o r k w i t h a g e n c y ,  also  w o r k e d a t t h e u n i v e r s i t y he s a i d h e was  at.  teaching  She h a d t a k e n a c o n t r a c t p o s i t i o n a n d s h e h a d made  some v e r y not  who  i m p o r t a n t d i s c o v e r i e s about t h i s guy.  o n l y was he n o t a p r o f e s s o r ,  Who  b a s i c a l l y h e was t h e  a s s i s t a n t p o o l manager who a l s o h a d t a k e n o n responsibility  f o r being  c o a c h o f t h e swim t e a m .  One  way o r a n o t h e r h e b u i l t t h i s k i n d o f i d e n t i t y , t h a t was a p r o f e s s o r he'd  and a l l t h i s s o r t o f s t u f f .  a l s o been embezzling t h e department.  or another everything woman was t h e f i r s t  he  I guess And one way  was c a t c h i n g up t o h i m .  This  t o b l o w t h e w h i s t l e f o r me o n h i m .  I went back t o t h e c i t y t o t h e s h o c k i n g  discovery  t h a t he'd l e f t h i s p o s i t i o n a t u n i v e r s i t y , a p p l i e d f o r a s e n i o r p o s i t i o n a t t h e a g e n c y a n d g o t i t . I came t o tell  my b o s s w h a t I ' d h e a r d a n d h e d i d n ' t b e l i e v e  me.  He t h o u g h t t h a t I ' d made up t h e w h o l e t h i n g , y o u know. Well  t h i s g u y s u r v i v e d t h e f i r s t wave o f p e o p l e  d i s c o v e r i n g w h a t h a d gone o n a t t h e u n i v e r s i t y a n d  e v e n t u a l l y e v e r y t h i n g c a u g h t up t o h i m a n d h e was basically  f o r c e d b y h i s own s t a f f t o r e s i g n .  A y e a r and a h a l f a f t e r b e i n g i n t e n s e l y i n v o l v e d w i t h t h i s man a t w o r k , he c o m m i t t e d s u i c i d e i n a v e r y v i o l e n t way.  A n d h e was g o n e .  I j u s t can't t e l l  y o u how t h i s s h o c k e d me t o my  v e r y r o o t s , y o u know. T h a t f i r s t a d u l t h o m o s e x u a l who I knew a n d l i k e d presented  i n a t o t a l l y other i d e n t i t y than  he  h i m s e l f a n d n o t o n l y do I f i n d o u t t h a t h e ' s  p o s s i b l y psychotic but w i t h i n the short time a f t e r d i s c o v e r y , he's dead.  that  . ..  So h e r e I was i n t h e m i d s t  of a l l this,  I could  t h i n k o f n o t h i n g e l s e b u t g e t t i n g o u t o f t h e agency.  T h i s e x p e r i e n c e b r o u g h t Raymond t o a c r i s i s p o i n t w h i c h was reflected  i n h i s career.  represented  H i s s e a r c h f o r a m e n t o r o r m o d e l who  a n i d e a l a n d a i d e d Raymond's p r o f e s s i o n a l g r o w t h h a d  b r o u g h t h i m t o a man who was l y i n g .  While  erected not t o hide h i s homosexuality  h i s model's facade  but h i s lack of  p r o f e s s i o n a l q u a l i f i c a t i o n s , Raymond l e a r n e d t h e d r a m a t i c t h a t h i d i n g t h e t r u t h c a n be o n e ' s d o w n f a l l . had  While  o f another  lesson  this incident  no d i r e c t b e a r i n g o n Raymond's own a t t i t u d e t o w a r d  o r i e n t a t i o n , t h e impact  was  h i s sexual  g a y man b r e a k i n g h i s t r u s t  shook him t o t h e c o r e o f h i s b e i n g . This time of c r i s i s  s p u r r e d Raymond t o s e e k a n o t h e r  job.  c o u l d t h i n k o f no o t h e r r e c o u r s e t h a n l e a v i n g t h e o r g a n i z a t i o n . 50  He  "I  could t h i n k of nothing  . I can't t e l l  you  how  e l s e but g e t t i n g out o f the agency . .  difficult  seemed l i k e t h e m o s t i m p o r t a n t of there  ...  I was  t h o u g h t I c o u l d do his  abilities  eliminated.  and He  t h i n g f o r me  at the time i t t o do was  a p p l y i n g everywhere, doing  f e l t he was  He  s t r i v i n g at the time t o maintain  one him.  day  some f e e l i n g  a mentor t o him.  e n r o l i n an A d u l t E d u c a t i o n  t h e e x e c u t i v e was  of  The  It  was  The program  positiverelationship  a s h o r t l i v e d , however,  as  i n t h e o f f i c e t h e e x e c u t i v e make a s e x u a l a d v a n c e t o w a r d s  "Uh,  wouldn't you  m i d d l e o f t h e o f f i c e one I'm  the  . .1 d i d . "  senior executive.  complete a second masters degree.  b e t w e e n Raymond and  t o do w i t h  w i t h i n h i s a g e n c y , Raymond  h o p e t h a t t h e e x e c u t i v e w o u l d be s u g g e s t e d t h a t he  his  q u i t e o u t s i d e h i s domain.  sought the advice of a w e l l respected  and  in  organizational  P e o p l e d i d n ' t s e e t h e way.  i n a s i t u a t i o n t h a t was  executive  I was  His f a i l u r e to locate another job diminished  I n an a t t e m p t t o f i n d s u p p o r t  his  was  t h a t I n e e d e d a l o t more t r a i n i n g t o do w h a t I  r e s t of the world.  control  I  questioned  i n c o m p e t e n t when h i s s u p p o r t  c o p e w i t h my  out  everything that  e s t e e m ; " i n v o l v e m e n t i n swimming h a d n ' t a n y t h i n g  Raymond was  t o move  i l l e q u i p p e d t o do h i s j o b : " I f e l t  trouble, that I couldn't  needed t o do."  ...  t o t r y t o get out of t h e r e . "  felt  responsibilities,  i t was  know i t , t h i s guy day.  You  g r a b s my  c r o t c h i n the  know, s u d d e n l y t h i s guy  t r y i n g t o h a v e t h i s m e n t o r r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h i s . . ..  t h i s s e t me  o f f a s w e l l a s e v e n made me  a g e n c y ] e v e n more." 51  want t o g e t out o f  who And [the  G i v e n t h a t h i s e f f o r t s t o f i n d a a n o t h e r j o b were Raymond d i d t a k e t h e a d v i c e o f t h e e x e c u t i v e school.  failing,  and r e t u r n e d t o  Raymond w o r k e d o n h i s s e c o n d M a s t e r ' s d e g r e e o n a p a r t  t i m e b a s i s w h i l e c o n t i n u i n g t o work a t t h e agency.  As he hadn't  made a n y headway i n t r y i n g t o l e a v e t h e a g e n c y , h e f e l t t h a t might g e t him t h e resources transposed failing  he needed.  The e m o t i o n a l  this  crisis  d i r e c t l y t o h i s c a r e e r , making t h e d e c i s i o n t o l e a v e ,  i nhis efforts,  and then r e t u r n i n g t o s c h o o l .  He  a t t e m p t e d i n s e v e r a l ways t o s t a b i l i z e h i s s e n s e o f p e r s o n a l competence. I t was a l s o d u r i n g t h i s t i m e t h a t e c o n o m i c c o n s i d e r a t i o n s came i n t o e f f e c t .  A m a j o r d o w n t u r n i n t h e economy made  o u t s i d e t h e o r g a n i z a t i o n e v e n more d i f f i c u l t .  searching  W h i l e Raymond  c o m p l e t e d t h e d e g r e e , h e was p r o m o t e d w i t h i n t h e a g e n c y . new l e v e l behind  Atthe  i n t h e o r g a n i z a t i o n Raymond was r e l i e v e d t o l e a v e  him t h e t a i n t o f h i s colleague's death.  He was n o t  satisfied with feeling the insecurity of his position.  " I was  f a c e d a g a i n w i t h s h a k y g r o u n d , um t h a t u h i f I w a s n ' t c a r e f u l my j o b would be o b s o l e t e . "  He n o t e d t h a t t h e m o s t s e c u r e  the agency h e l d d o c t o r a t e s ; consequently his  i n order t o s t a b i l i z e  own p o s i t i o n h e w o u l d n e e d t o do a d o c t o r a t e .  p a t e n t l y o b v i o u s t o me u n d e r t h o s e  s o r t s of working  t h a t uh o b v i o u s l y t h e most p o w e r f u l t h a t t i m e w e r e P h . D.s."  He e n t e r e d  people i n  " I t was situations  people i n t h e organization a t t h e degree program on a p a r t  t i m e b a s i s a t f i r s t a n d o n l y l e f t t h e a g e n c y when h e n e e d e d t o complete h i s residency  full  time. 52  P r i o r t o l e a v i n g t h e agency he had g a i n e d  a perspective  how h e m i g h t b e a b l e t o u t i l i z e h i s w r i t i n g s k i l l s writer.  Before  on  as a f r e e l a n c e  l e a v i n g he had been i n t h e p o s i t i o n t o h i r e  w r i t e r s o n c e he h a d o u t l i n e d t h e m a t e r i a l s n e e d e d . t h a t i t c o u l d be v e r y  " I was  i n t e r e s t i n g and e x c i t i n g t o c o n t i n u e  seeing being  a b l e t o work t h e s e ropes i n o t h e r o r g a n i z a t i o n s a f t e r I ' d f i n i s h e d my P h . D."  T h i s enabled him t o have t h e i n f o r m a t i o n  r e q u i r e d f i n a l l y t o make h i s d e p a r t u r e Graduate school  from t h e agency.  q u i c k l y e n v e l o p e d Raymond. I t g a v e h i m  "freedom from a l l t h e work network t h a t  [he] had been i n . " I t  became h i s p l a y g r o u n d i n w h i c h t o r e f o r m a w a r e t h a t h i s s e x u a l i t y was p r e s e n t i n g issue. the pool  He h a d a v a r i e t y o f a r o u s i n g  hislife.  He was a l s o  i t s e l f a s a more p r e s s i n g  encounters, p a r t i c u l a r l y a t  a n d was s o u n c o m f o r t a b l e w i t h t h e s e e x p e r i e n c e s  g a v e up s w i m m i n g f o r some t i m e . be  "mind e x p a n d i n g a n d l i f e  f i r s t opportunity  l i b e r a t i n g , " and i t gave him h i s  t o a d d r e s s h i s c o n c e r n s more d i r e c t l y .  h o m o s e x u a l i t y a n d was s t u d y i n g  pertained t o adult education. had  sexual  i s s u e s as they  a s o c i a l n e t w o r k w h i c h i n t r i g u e d Raymond.  t o be [ t h e ]  i d e a l g a y man."  d i s c u s s i o n groups although  " I kind  [ o f ] came  y o u know, k i n d o f saw  Raymond s o u g h t o u t S c o t t ' s  s o c i a l group, f i n d i n g t h e i r p e r s p e c t i v e s p o l i t i c s o f t h e department.  open about  S c o t t was o u t s p o k e n i n c l a s s a n d  t o see S c o t t , unbeknownst t o him t o t a l l y , him  t h a t he  However, he f o u n d u n i v e r s i t y t o  I n h i s c l a s s e s he met a man, S c o t t , who was v e r y his  he  an " a n t i d o t e " t o t h e  S c o t t w o u l d i n v i t e Raymond t o g a y Raymond w o u l d n ' t a t t e n d .  U n l i k e many  previous  encounters  Raymond h a d w i t h o t h e r g a y men, S c o t t ' s  advances were n o t v i o l a t i n g . Raymond s u d d e n l y "He s u d d e n l y  When S c o t t l e f t t o go t o A s i a ,  discovered t h e emotional  left the institute  gap h i s d e p a r t u r e  [ a n d ] t h e r e was a b i g h o l e  left. there  t h a t t h e r e was somebody who I h a d s o r t [ o f ] b e e n c l i n g i n g t o . " Raymond h a d come t o t h e c o m p l e t i o n  o f h i s t h e s i s a n d was  c e l e b r a t i n g when, q u i t e b y s u r p r i s e , a woman who was l o o k i n g f o r a s p e c i a l t y p r o g r a m w r i t e r was i n t r o d u c e d t o h i m . the j o b and g o t i t .  The j o b w o u l d e n a b l e  He a p p l i e d f o r  him t o t r a v e l ,  and he  t h o u g h t i t would a f f o r d h i m an o p p o r t u n i t y t o engage i n s e x u a l activity. travel  He s t a t e s , " I d e c i d e d  . . .  another  t h i s time  I'm g o i n g t o u s e t h i s  I u s e d o n e o f my t r i p s o v e r t h e r e a n d u h o n e way o r  I u h I u h met u p w i t h a g u y a n d u h I came o u t . " He u s e d  the o p p o r t u n i t y t o v i s i t gay f r i e n d s i n H a l i f a x t o openly i d e n t i f y h i m s e l f a s a g a y man a n d i n t e r a c t i n t h e g a y c o m m u n i t y . The  experience  o f h a v i n g met a g a y man who  adequately  m o d e l e d t h e c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s Raymond f o u n d i n h i m s e l f this final  step.  less restrictive, his  He h a d e n t e r e d  facilitated  a n e n v i r o n m e n t w h i c h h e f e l t was  a n d h e was f r e e o f t h e s o c i a l e x p e c t a t i o n s o f  p r e v i o u s c o l l e a g u e s a t t h e agency.  Additionally,  as a s e l f -  employed c o n s u l t a n t he f e l t he h a d g r e a t e r agency t o r e v e a l h i s sexuality.  W h i l e i n t h e p r e v i o u s j o b s h e ' d h e l d he f e l t he h a d  no c o n t r o l , h e now f e l t h e c o n t r o l l e d t h e s i t u a t i o n .  " T h i s was  t o t a l l y t h e o p p o s i t e o f t h e agency where I j u s t f i n d m y s e l f from one s o c i a l t h i n g t o a n o t h e r .  Y o u know, w h e r e I j u s t l e t  everybody e l s e c o n t r o l t h e s i t u a t i o n 54  moved  . . .I'm just there t o  serve  . . . T h i s s i t u a t i o n I f e l t e n t i r e l y d i f f e r e n t about i t .  Raymond, t h i s i s my s i t u a t i o n . "  When h e c o m p l e t e d h i s c o n t r a c t  he b e g a n t o e s t a b l i s h h i m s e l f a s a c o n s u l t a n t u s i n g h i s o l d agency c o n t a c t s t o p u r s u e work. him  I t had been v e r y  important f o r  t o g a t h e r t h a t i n f o r m a t i o n p r i o r t o l e a v i n g t h e agency and  now h e was a b l e t o e m p l o y i t t o h i s b e n e f i t . A f t e r S c o t t r e t u r n e d f r o m A s i a , Raymond a n d h e met a g a i n a n d b e g a n a r e l a t i o n s h i p . r e c e s s i o n , Raymond f o u n d i t d i f f i c u l t did  continue  to freelance.  fortuitously  W i t h t h e c o n t i n u i n g economic t o f i n d work i n T o r o n t o b u t  Raymond b r i e f l y w o r k e d i n h o s p i t a l  management when w o r k became e x c e p t i o n a l l y d i f f i c u l t  to find.  He  l e f t t h e h o s p i t a l a f t e r o n l y a s h o r t t i m e when he f o u n d t h e s t a f f unreceptive t o h i s suggestions.  He a l s o f o u n d i t d i f f i c u l t t o  engage s o c i a l l y w i t h i n t h e work c o n t e x t a s a r e s u l t o f h i s ongoing r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h Scott. Raymond, h a v i n g  experienced  t h e l i b e r a t i n g environment of  t h e u n i v e r s i t y a n d t h e a c c e p t a n c e o f h i s s e x u a l i t y , seemed r e l u c t a n t t o r e t u r n t o more r e p r e s s i v e e n v i r o n m e n t s .  The  s t r u c t u r e d work environment would n o t o n l y l i m i t h i s o p p o r t u n i t y to  w r i t e but a l s o t o express  h i s sexual orientation.  Having  l e a r n e d t h e t r a g i c l e s s o n o f t h e f i r s t g a y man he h a d known, he was r e l u c t a n t t o b u i l d a r e s t r i c t i v e decided  facade.  Consequently,  he  t o maintain h i s self-employment.  During  this difficult  t i m e , t h e r e was a v e r y b i t t e r  w h i c h e n c o u r a g e d Raymond a n d S c o t t t o move w e s t w a r d . v i s i t t o V a n c o u v e r , he a n d S c o t t d e c i d e d 55  winter  After a  t o move t h e r e .  Raymond  c o n t i n u e s as a s e l f employed national contacts agency.  He  made d u r i n g  i s looking  other areas of w r i t i n g  freelance writer using h i s employment a t t h e  forward i n h i s career opportunities.  56  a s e r i e s of health  and i s e x p l o r i n g  CHAPTER V I I General The  story interviewer  obtained descriptive narratives  w h i c h were  s u b s e q u e n t l y v a l i d a t e d by each o f t h e t h r e e study p a r t i c i p a n t s . The  n a r r a t i v e were c o a l e s c e d i n t o a u n i f i e d s t o r y  illustrates the c r i t i c a l  which  elements o f t h e n a r r a t i v e s .  These  elements r e p r e s e n t t h e process o f c a r e e r development t h a t study p a r t i c i p a n t  each  experienced.  A s t o r y , as i t i s considered i n t h i s study, i s comprised o f t h r e e e s s e n t i a l components: a b e g i n n i n g , a m i d d l e and an end. I t i s r e c i t e d by t h e n a r r a t o r concern that  t o i n d i c a t e a problem, issue o r  i s t o be a d d r e s s e d and r e s o l v e d  beginning of the story, therefore, the  perspective  or r e s o l u t i o n . telling: you  introduces  i n some manner. t h e problem  of a temporal p o s i t i o n a t t h e point Sartre  of  The  from  conclusion  (1938) i d e n t i f i e s t h i s p a r a d o x i n s t o r y  "You seem t o s t a r t a t t h e b e g i n n i n g  have s t a r t e d a t t h e end.  I t was t h e r e ,  . . . And i n r e a l i t y i n v i s i b l e and  p r e s e n t , i t i s t h e one w h i c h g i v e s  t o w o r d s t h e pomp a n d v a l u e o f  a beginning  transforming everything."  . . .the end i s t h e r e ,  story begins with preexisting The  the consideration  i n the narrator's  mind  The  o f t h e p o s s i b i l i t y o f change (p.40) .  r o u t e between t h e i n t r o d u c t i o n o f t h e problem and i t s  r e s o l u t i o n c o n s t i t u t e s t h e middle o f t h e s t o r y and i n d i c a t e s t h e various  deliberations  and t r i a l s  encountered along t h e path.  m i d d l e r e l a t e s t h e r e a s o n s f o r t h e outcome o r c o n c l u s i o n story;  i t can also  indicate the realm of p o s s i b i l i t i e s 57  The  of the  encountered during for  t h e p r o c e s s o f r e s o l o l u t i o n and j u s t i f i c a t i o n  not s e l e c t i n g those alternate courses.  The m i d d l e o f t h e  s t o r y seeks t o b r i d g e t h e d i s p a r i t y between t h e problem a t t h e b e g i n n i n g and t h e a n t i c i p a t e d c o n c l u s i o n  a t t h e end o f t h e s t o r y .  I n o r d e r t o be s a t i s f y i n g t o b o t h t h e i n d i v i d u a l the  t a l e and t h e a u d i e n c e , t h e end o f t h e s t o r y must p r o v i d e  r e s o l u t i o n t o t h e concern indicated a t t h e beginning. serves t o provide the f i n a l position established The  justification  In s o l i c i t i n g interviewer  I t also  for the current  from which f u t u r e p e r s p e c t i v e s  end u n i f i e s t h e p r o g r e s s i o n  solutions to a final  may b e t a k e n .  o f t h e problem and i t s p o s s i b l e  r e c o n c i l i a t i o n of the issue.  the p a r t i c i p a t i o n i n t h i s study, the  made t h e i d e n t i f i c a t i o n o f a i s s u e .  s t o r y would n o t have been p o s s i b l e , both a mutual r e c o g n i t i o n  Recounting of a  however, i f t h e r e were n o t  o f t h e i s s u e and a temporal i n d i c a t i o n  of an endpoint o r r e s o l u t i o n .  The s t o r i e s t o l d b y t h e t h r e e  p a r t i c i p a n t s i n t h i s s t u d y were abundant and each s t o r y some  indicated  conclusion. H a v i n g r e a c h e d t h e end o f t h e i r n a r r a t i v e s ,  a l s o made r e m a r k s a s a f i n a l  aside.  each i n d i v i d u a l  When e a c h n a r r a t o r h a d  concluded h i s s t o r y and i n d i c a t e d a s u c c e s s f u l  resolution ofthe  i s s u e , he a d d r e s s e d an e p i l o g u e t o t h e i n t e r v i e w e r . in the story the  recounting  story,  allows  s e r v e s t o make a f i n a l  i n d i c a t i n g the lesson  the interviewer  The e p i l o g u e  summation o f t h e a c t i o n o f  of the tale.  The e p i l o g u e  t o come away f r o m t h e e x p e r i e n c e w i t h  a  s y n o p s i s commenting on t h e o v e r a l l p r o c e s s o f t h e s t o r y - t e l l i n g 58  or future prospects The  for the characters.  s t o r i e s examined i n t h i s r e s e a r c h , by v i r t u e o f t h e i r  common f e a t u r e s , u n i f y i n t o a g e n e r a l s t o r y w h i c h c a n p r o v i d e t h e means o f r e s o l v i n g t h e common i s s u e o f m a k i n g c a r e e r d e c i s i o n s a s a g a y man. beginning,  Each s t o r y has as i t s c e n t r a l o r g a n i z i n g f e a t u r e s , a middle,  and end as w e l l a s an e p i l o g u e .  These  f e a t u r e s p r o v i d e t h e s t r u c t u r e from which t h e r e s e a r c h e r generates  The  a g e n e r a l s t o r y f o c u s s i n g on t h e s i n g l e i s s u e .  Beginning  In Western S o c i e t y t h e n o t i o n o f working supporting  i s c o n f e r r e d e a r l y on i n a c h i l d ' s  Through a p a t t e r n o f l e a r n i n g , both modelled d i d a c t i c i n s t r u c t i o n , c h i l d r e n a r e taught  and b e i n g  self  development. b e h a v i o r and  t o e x p l o r e t h e i r own  a b i l i t i e s and i n t e r e s t s , and t h e work p o s s i b i l i t i e s o f f e r e d by the s o c i a l world.  There a r e o f t e n severe  s o c i a l s t r i c t u r e s on  t h o s e who d o n o t a c t i v e l y p u r s u e a p a t h t o w a r d s a career path.  The r e a l m  designated  o f c h o i c e s i s l i m i t e d by t h e s o c i a l  environment, as w e l l as t h e c u l t u r a l and f a m i l y m i l i e u . ( 1 9 8 4 , p.161) r e f e r s t o t h i s p r o c e s s  Borow  as "occupational  s o c i a l i z a t i o n " and d e f i n e s i t as " t h e i n t r i c a t e b i r t h t o death process  b y w h i c h o n e a c q u i r e s o n e ' s v i e w o f t h e human w o r l d a n d  its  institutions,  one's b e l i e f s ,  loyalties,  and  w r o n g , a n d h a b i t u a l r e s p o n s e modes. 59  convictions of right  The l e a r n i n g i s b o t h  formal and i n f o r m a l , d e l i b e r a t e and i n c i d e n t a l , c o n s c i o u s and unconscious."  This process d i s t i n g u i s h e s the i n d i v i d u a l w i t h i n  the c u l t u r a l context and i n f l u e n c e s t h e c a r e e r behaviour  of that  individual. This process i s i n i t i a l l y described i n the n a r r a t i v e of c a r e e r development by t h e t h r e e p a r t i c i p a n t s .  They d e t a i l a host  of s o c i a l i n f l u e n c e s i n e s t a b l i s h i n g t h e i r career p o s s i b i l i t i e s . The men a l s o i n d i c a t e i n t h e b e g i n n i n g o f t h e i r s t o r i e s t h a t they have a theme and s t r u c t u r e which guide t h e t e l l i n g and impress on the l i s t e n e r t h e r e l e v a n c e o f t h e content.  The men demonstrate  t h a t as they came i n t o c o n t a c t w i t h r o l e models embodying s i m i l a r v a l u e s t o t h e ones they were r e c o g n i z i n g i n themselves, determined The  they  t h e i r c a r e e r p o s s i b i l i t i e s more f u l l y .  f a m i l y has an e x t e n s i v e impact  on t h e development o f a  c h i l d i n c l u d i n g work and work r e l a t e d v a l u e s .  I t provides a  s o c i a l s t r u c t u r e which a l l o w s t h e c h i l d t o come i n t o c o n t a c t with a d u l t s engaged i n work.  T h i s process r e s t r i c t s t h e type o f  i n f o r m a t i o n t h e c h i l d has about j o b p o s s i b i l i t i e s u s u a l l y i n r e l a t i o n t o socioeconomic  parameters (Herr and Cramer, 1987). The  f a m i l y ' s s o c i a l context p r o v i d e s a t a c i t i n d i c a t i o n t o t h e c h i l d of s u i t a b l e career options. provide the c h i l d with people  When p a r e n t s choose t o t r a v e l ,  they  an o p p o r t u n i t y t o meet a v a r i e t y o f  from d i f f e r e n t r e g i o n s and a l s o i n d i c a t e t h e a c c e p t a b i l i t y  o f t r a v e l l i n g i n one's c a r e e r . advantage o f t r a v e l as a c h i l d . ways and many l i f e s t y l e s . "  Samuel r e f l e c t s :  " I had a g r e a t  I t enabled me t o look a t many  I f parents h o l d p r o f e s s i o n a l 60  positions the child  i s e x p o s e d t o more p r o f e s s i o n a l r o l e s a n d i s  more l i k e l y t o s e e t h e m a s p o s s i b i l i t i e s 1986;  ( C l a r k , 1967; F r e i s e n ,  H o t c h k i s s & Borow, 1 9 8 4 ; S c h u l b e r g , V o n d r a c e k , & C r o u t e r ,  1984).  F a m i l i e s a l s o o v e r t l y r e i n f o r c e c h o i c e by p r o v i d i n g  p o s i t i v e comments a b o u t c h o i c e s t h a t a r e a c c e p t a b l e a n d n e g a t i v e a p p r a i s a l s o f those occupations which are not.  Becoming a p r i e s t  m i g h t p r o v e o b j e c t i o n a b l e , w h i l e becoming a d e n t i s t m i g h t be seen as a p r e f e r a b l e a l t e r n a t i v e . Raymond a n d S a m u e l e x p e r i e n c e d reinforcement  both parents'  explicit  o f c h o i c e s as w e l l as t h e i r i n d i r e c t i n f l u e n c e .  They d e s c r i b e t h e f a m i l y e n v i r o n m e n t c a r e f u l l y t o i n d i c a t e i t s i n f l u e n c e on t h e r e a l m o f o c c u p a t i o n a l p o s s i b i l i t i e s explored.  Raymond r e c o u n t s ,  they  " a l t h o u g h t h e y were p r o b a b l y  shocked  b e c a u s e my g r a n d m o t h e r h a d c h a n g e d f r o m b e i n g a c a t h o l i c t o b e i n g a p r o t e s t a n t . -. . w h e r e a s i t w o u l d h a v e b e e n e m i n e n t l y  more  d e s i r a b l e i n a c a t h o l i c f a m i l y t o h a v e a p r i e s t a s a t l e a s t one of the grandchildren."  He g o e s o n f u r t h e r t o n o t e  that  changing  h i s m i n d t o d e n t i s t r y "was r e c e i v e d a s g r e a t news b e c a u s e d e n t i s t s make l o t s o f money a n d i n a E u r o p e a n f a m i l y b e i n g a p r o f e s s i o n a l who w e a r s a w h i t e c o a t a n d makes money i s a b o u t t h e b e s t t h a t you c a n do."  R e c e i v i n g t h e a f f i r m a t i o n from  their  f a m i l i e s w i t h r e g a r d t o j o b p o s s i b i l i t i e s was i m p o r t a n t t o b o t h S a m u e l a n d Raymond a t t h e p o i n t o f t h e i r i n i t i a l  career  exploration. The  f a m i l y may n o t p r o v i d e s t r u c t u r e a n d g u i d a n c e i n  selecting a career.  F a m i l i e s whose members s t r u g g l e t o h o l d 61  j o b s , have d i s a b i l i t i e s l i m i t i n g t h e i r p a r t i c i p a t i o n i n t h e work f o r c e , have l i m i t e d c o n t a c t w i t h the c h i l d , other reasons,  l e a v e t h e i r impact  as w e l l as a h o s t  on t h e d e v e l o p m e n t o f a  w o r k v a l u e s and k n o w l e d g e o f e m p l o y m e n t o p t i o n s . i n s t a n c e s t h e c a r e e r d e v e l o p m e n t may  In  n o t be d e f i n e d i n t e r m s o f  P o s s i b l y an i n d i v i d u a l d o e s n o t u s e  r e l a t i o n s h i p s and F a m i l y may  interactions to define personal  n o t be t h e c o n c e p t  He  designated  family development.  around which meaning i s s t r u c t u r e d .  I n t e r m s o f Doug's c a r e e r d e v e l o p m e n t b o t h o f considerations hold true.  child's  these  the parents' p a r t i c i p a t i o n i n the d e c i s i o n s towards a career path.  these  does not r e l a t e h i s c a r e e r  development t o h i s f a m i l y h i s t o r y nor t h e i r i n f l u e n c e .  The  a b s e n c e o f t h e r o l e o f h i s f a m i l y i n Doug's s t o r y d e f i n e s c a r e e r a s n o t e w o r t h i l y a s Raymond and h i g h l i g h t t h e i r development. s t o r y t h a t he determining The  the  Samuel's f a m i l y d e s c r i p t i o n  Doug i n d i c a t e s a t t h e o n s e t  s t r u g g l e s t o d e f i n e a c a r e e r d i r e c t i o n and  i t s focus i s h i s i n d i v i d u a l  work o f V i r g i n i a S a t i r  of h i s that  responsibility.  (1983) g i v e s s u p p o r t  to  this  i n d i c a t i o n i n the n a r r a t i v e s t h a t the f a m i l y i s a fundamental career process.  In S a t i r ' s terms,  "The  who  s h e g o e s on  t e a c h b y w o r d s and  feelings"  f u r t h e r t o i n d i c a t e t h a t , "The demonstration,  a r e t h e o n e s who  parents, translate  t o t h e c h i l d t h e major meaning which o u t s i d e f o r c e s w i l l t h e f a m i l y " (p. 3 6 ) .  of  f a m i l y system i s t h e main  l e a r n i n g context f o r i n d i v i d u a l behavior, thoughts, ( p . 3 5 ) , and  of  have t o  Parents play a p i v o t a l r o l e i n determining  t h e c a r e e r w h e t h e r t h e y t a k e an a c t i v e p a r t i n t h e 62  child's  d e l i b e r a t i o n s or  not.  A l s o , each of the men  g i v e s c o n s i d e r a t i o n t o the  significant  i n f l u e n c e o f both a d u l t and peer r o l e models f o r t h e i r Samuel suggests the importance of men i n d i c a t e s that h i s best childhood  career.  in military roles.  f r i e n d i s the person  d i s c u s s e s becoming a w r i t e r w i t h but t h a t the p r i e s t  Raymond  he  and  o r t h o d o n t i s t he encounters a l s o p l a y a l a r g e p a r t i n h i s thoughts about what jobs he might l i k e t o do.  Doug speaks of h i s  d i s a p p o i n t i n g encounter w i t h the owner of the company he worked f o r and  i t s e f f e c t i n p r e c i p i t a t i n g h i s decision to  These r o l e models are i n t r o d u c e d  travel.  a t the onset o f each s t o r y  and  f u r t h e r a t t e n t i o n i s g i v e n t o t h i s area of i n f l u e n c e i n the middle o f each n a r r a t i v e . In a d d i t i o n t o d e s c r i p t i o n s of r o l e models and m i l i e u , a d i s c u s s i o n of the c u l t u r a l context c a r e e r development p r o c e s s each man any  the  i s pertinent to  experiences.  The  p a r t i c u l a r c u l t u r e are i n s t i l l e d by the f a m i l y and  by o t h e r c u l t u r a l i n s t i t u t i o n s .  Each man  c l e a r l y of t h e i r c u l t u r a l h e r i t a g e .  family  values  career choice.  of e d u c a t i o n a l occupational  opportunity  attainment.  of  reinforced  i n t h i s study speaks  Raymond's European h e r i t a g e  i n d i c a t e d t h a t becoming a p r o f e s s i o n a l i n a f i e l d of s c i e n c e an o p t i m a l  the  The  c u l t u r e enforced  and  surpassing  Both Samuel and  was  t a k i n g advantage  the l e v e l of  parental  Doug have Anglo  backgrounds where s e l f s u f f i c i e n c y i s a p r e s i d i n g v a l u e as they describe  i t . T h e i r f a m i l i e s a n t i c i p a t e d t h a t they were t o choose  c a r e e r s r e q u i r i n g post secondary education 63  and work t o pay  for  the  cost  of their  describe and  schooling.  that they  were expected  pursue careers  choice  of their  implicitly this  Additionally,  i n those  parents  specified  to discern their  areas  t o narrow  importance o f determining  c o u l d m a k e my o w n c h o i c e s . " family,  part  Cultural  of their  This i s  Raymond i n d i c a t e s . . .",  i t [his career . . .."  h i s own i n t e r e s t s  s o c i e t y and educational  independence  about  interests  following the  a s , " t h a t w a s n ' t w h a t my d e e p e s t d e s i r e w a s able  men  own  institution.  i n several statements;  d o w n t o o n e t h i n g I'm p a s s i o n a t e  and  rather than  o r an academic  Doug a s s e r t s , " n o t b e i n g  the  a l l three  Samuel  while  options] signifies  i n stating, "I  constructs instilled  institutions  impart  by t h e  self reliance  i n d e c i s i o n m a k i n g ; t h e men a d o p t e d t h e m a s a  personal  framework f o rp r o g r e s s i n g  through  their  careers. While these  external factors i n the career  throughout the career narrative  emphasize them as t h e c o n t e x t This  the  time  of initial  the  likelihood  Furthermore, training the  inquiry.  of finding  provided  of the story explorations  into  t h e economic c o n d i t i o n s a t  The ease o f e n t e r i n g a f i e l d  a j o b was m o m e n t a r i l y  of relocating  an a d d i t i o n a l  e a r l y phase o f career  brief  of the first  i s a l s o t h e case with  the cost  continue  development and a r e i m p l i e d i nt h e  a t several places, the beginnings  career.  process  t o attend  considered.  post  secondary  f a c t o r t o be c o n s i d e r e d  exploration.  d e l i b e r a t i o n s made a t t h e i n i t i a l  exploration.  64  and  These were,  during  however,  point of career  At the beginning o f how  he  i s to t e l l  o f h i s s t o r y e a c h man  g i v e s some i n d i c a t i o n  t h e s t o r y o f h i s c a r e e r and  how  s t r u c t u r e s t h e meaning o f h i s c a r e e r development. initially  i n the statements  and  to t e l l  f e e l s i s important.  h i s s t o r y h i s sentences  subclauses  and  idea i n i t i a l l y  T h i s i s seen  noting the format of the s t o r y  a l l u d i n g t o what each i n d i v i d u a l begins  are f i l l e d  they take a rambling  embarked upon.  with  i d e n t i f i e d y e t , t h a t t h e p r o b l e m was  a focussed  ambition  o r g o a l and  t h a t had  vocabulary abrupt  I c o u l d s e e no  of the beginning  c h a n g e and  underscores to  guide  h i s career  either  "jump", and  "departure."  He  astrology holds  was  The  The  the s t o r y i s t o take  theme t h a t he h a s  n o t had  a single  and  plan  choices.  S a m u e l makes a s i m i l a r i n d i c a t i o n o f t h e f o r m and the s t o r y .  not  that I  l i n k to the f u t u r e . "  the path or course  Doug's l i f e  weird, that I  of h i s s t o r y i n c l u d e s words n o t i n g  shifts like  i n t r o d u c t i o n suggests  I guess  not been good  e n o u g h , t h a t l i k e t h e p r o b l e m w i t h u n i v e r s i t y was t a k i n g no d i r e c t ,  the  more e a r l y  u n i v e r s i t y w h e r e I r e a l i z e d , c a u s e g r a d e t w e l v e was  having  clauses  s t a t e s , "So  probably  and  When Doug  route t o complete  F o r e x a m p l e he  i t w a s n ' t u n t i l g r a d e , I g u e s s i t was  hadn't r e a l l y  he  theme o f  i n i t i a l l y describes the importance of the r o l e f o r him.  He  p l a c e s an e m p h a s i s on  of  his  a s t r o l o g i c a l s y m b o l a s r e p r e s e n t i n g d u a l e l e m e n t s and  also states  t h a t he h a s  Samuel,  "somewhat come f u l l  circle"  t h i s m a r k s t h e theme o f h i s s t o r y and his  life.  in life.  t h e way  he  For  conceptualizes  I t i n t r o d u c e s t h e i n t e r v i e w e r t o h i s two 65  career  paths;  the  end  of h i s  first  the  second c a r e e r  will  highlights his l i f e backgrounding t h i s where I'm  career be  was  marked by  marked by  theme c l e a r l y :  h i s own. "Now  His  the  i s p a r t l y t o g i v e you  coming from, but  h i s parents'  I'm  i d e a o f who  also I think there  are  and  narrative  reason  an  death  two  I am  and  aspects  here." Finally,  Raymond i n d i c a t e s t h e  came t o h i s c a r e e r o b v i o u s as "you  the  there  means t o t h e  a writer."  i s an  feel  a l s o say  His  that  end.  He  t h a t as  states  quite  illustrates  major  the  i n the  occur to  o f h i s n a r r a t i v e theme f o r e s h a d o w s t h e  p e r s o n a and  c h a o s he  f e e l s when t h e  secret  story within  the  early  i n the  functions  a morality  interview, the  misrepresenting  that the initial incident  lesson oneself  t o be will  as  learned be  larger story,  along  false  i s revealed  Furthermore, t h i s  illustrates  saw  i s duped i n t o b e l i e v i n g h i s m e n t o r ' s  him.  the  initially,  a teenager I  immediately  revealed  is  he  immediately  This  when he  be  be  end.  of h i s career  i t will  not  somehow t h a t  story's beginning  element which does not  l i s t e n e r but indication  desired  . . .1  However, I c a n  m y s e l f as  i n many ways  t h r o u g h a p r o c e s s w h i c h may  back i n t o w r i t i n g  accurate.  theme t h a t  tale  to  described  which  Raymond's c a r e e r  detrimental  to the  path;  individual in  end. The  way  the  beginning  narrator  u s e s , and  form t h e  story w i l l  individual's  life.  the  i s structured,  the  language  s t a t e m e n t i t makes, d e t a i l s n o t  have but  a l s o the  only  o v e r r i d i n g theme o f  I t demonstrates the  66  the  narrator's  method  the  the of  conceptualizing the he  constructs  beginning  h i s personal  The  schema known i s a s u b t l e one  beginning  life gives  theme b u t an  have t o each o t h e r the  schemata which  m e a n i n g by w h i c h t o f o l l o w t h e  events that take place.  narrator's  w h i c h does not  implies the o v e r r i d i n g notion.  i n d i c a t i o n of the r e l a t i o n s h i p the  i n d i c a t e d at the  A n o t h e r p a t t e r n emerges a t t h e b e g i n n i n g  of the  describe  t h e i r i n c r e a s i n g knowledge o f t h e m s e l v e s as  personal  c o m p e t e n c i e s and  i n t e r e s t s w h i c h c o u l d be  a proclivity  a r e c o g n i t i o n o f how  for sexual  t h a t they are entering.  statements about h i m s e l f  being  confrontational, recognizes  s i t u a t i o n s r e q u i r i n g any other  and  hand, s p e c i f i e s the  He  having to and  i n t e r e s t s are handles Doug  the  avoids  i n terms  the  of  i s uncomfortable i n  this i n himself,  a s s e r t i o n of himself.  and  avoids  S a m u e l , on  importance of maintaining  67  men  seeks t o keep  t o h i s h o m o s e x u a l i t y and  work e x p e r i e n c e s .  The  applied  E a c h man  r e c o g n i t i o n o f t h e s e f a c t o r s i n d i f f e r e n t ways.  and  in  r e l a t i o n s h i p s w i t h men,  a c c e p t e d t h e s e a b i l i t i e s and  peace both i n reference  And  stories;  notes t h e i r growing awareness of themselves.  school  decisions  involved  e a c h man  difficult  The  story's  development of each study p a r t i c i p a n t .  overt  the  by v i r t u e o f t h e i r m e a n i n g t o t h e a c t o r .  the  m a k i n g any  this  e x p l i c i t l y state  i s a s i g n i f i c a n t f a c t o r i n the d e c i s i o n s  w i t h i n the world  The  individual actions  beginning,  certain jobs,  way  provide  a c t u a l method o f making  e v o l u t i o n o f t h e meaning, as  career  the  meaning i n l i g h t of t h e s e e v e n t s .  of these n a r r a t i v e s contain the  s t r u c t u r e and and  e v e n t s w h i c h have shaped h i s c a r e e r ,  an  the  image i n  public despite himself.  He  any  was  personal  d i f f e r e n c e s from t h a t p r o j e c t i o n  f r e e t o a c t on h i s s e x u a l  d e t e r m i n e d t h a t t h e y were not consideration.  His a b i l i t y  p o s s i b l e f o r him  to provide  i n t e r e s t s but  material  image t h a t he  for public  a p u b l i c p e r s o n a made i t  t o f e e l c o m p e t e n t e x p l o r i n g an  p r o v i d i n g t o p e o p l e an Raymond was  acceptable  felt  acting career  t h e y wanted t o  a w a r e t h a t he w a n t e d t o e x p l o r e  the  social  He  recognizes  a s i m i l a r dilemma around  h o m o s e x u a l i t y : " I k i n d o f came t o t h e any  s u p p o r t t h a t I was  structure  and  expectations  Initially,  t o i g n o r e h i s homosexual d e s i r e s .  d e m o n s t r a t e s t h e p r o b l e m t o be  from s o c i a l  addressed i n the  m i d d l e o f e a c h man's s t o r y s e e k s t o s p a n t h e  The  l a r g e l y without  o f h i s f a m i l y and  i n t e r n a l experience of s e l f i s disparate  he  study That  the  demands  narrative;  the  lacuna.  Middle  Once an  interest that i s related to a f i e l d  of work i s  e s t a b l i s h e d , t h e k n o w l e d g e and  skills  necessary t o seek a  p o s i t i o n n e e d t o be  In the  instances  obtained.  participants, attending decision to enter information the  from  his  supposed t o outgrow t h i s . "  chose t o depart from the s o c i a l sciences  i d e a , um,  and  see.  of s o c i e t y despite the p o s s i b l e r e j e c t i o n t h i s might e l i c i t others.  of  school's  p o s t s e c o n d a r y t r a i n i n g was  an e d u c a t i o n a l  t h e men  of the  s o u g h t was  l o c a t i o n and  the  study  vital.  The  s e t t i n g which would provide  the  l a r g e l y d e t e r m i n e d on t h e b a s i s cost of attending. 68  E a c h man  of  chose  t o a t t e n d t r a i n i n g r e l a t i v e l y c l o s e t o t h e l o c a t i o n where  they  resided. In addition  to the s p e c i f i c i n s t r u c t i o n r e l a t e d  f i e l d o f i n t e r e s t , t h e men and  instructors  understanding  f r o m whom t h e y  of the f i e l d .  r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h an  The  a t work.  had  E a c h man and  r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h one  " t h i s guy  t r a i n e r and  intelligent."  as w e l l  of h i s  encouragement.  o f t h e s i g n i f i c a n t men  very  as  had  The  men  looked  did."  E a c h man  was  should  and  impact  and  He  the  within  the  the t a l e of the  said,  of h i s  "my  drafting  professor  'Your d e s i g n s  enter t h i s competition'  a  And  said,  I  said,  are r e a l l y and  so  I  eager t o r e s p e c t the mentor f o r t h e i r  superior understanding the values  The  to  •I hope y o u ' r e not p l a n n i n g a c a r e e r i n d r a f t i n g . ' • c e r t a i n l y not, too dreary.•  man  i n c r e d i b l e c h a r i s m a as  professor encouraging h i s designing career:  You  at  initial  i n the course  f o r an a c q u a i n t a n c e  o f i n t e r e s t . Samuel r e c o u n t s  quite excellent.  both  I n r e f l e c t i n g upon a  c a r e e r , Raymond s t a t e s ,  mentor f o r support  participant  p r e d i c a t e d on t h e n a t u r e  strength of t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p .  a  was  work a s i g n i f i c a n t r o l e model, a  o f t h e m e n t o r ' s e x p e r t i s e was  field  the capacity to f o s t e r  found i n the course  t o p r o v i d e g u i d a n c e and  he was  personal  than the coursework would a l l o w  forays into education s e n i o r t o him,  greater  development of a  t o the development of each study  s c h o o l and  their  a n o p p o r t u n i t y t o meet p e e r s  could obtain a  i n d i v i d u a l who  broader understanding important  a l s o had  to  and  personal  q u a l i t i e s which would r e f l e c t  enlightenment t o which they  69  aspired.  The  s e a r c h f o r a mentor t o a s s i s t i n the development o f  k n o w l e d g e and  a s e n s e o f p e r s o n a l and p r o f e s s i o n a l e f f i c a c y  prevalent throughout  the n a r r a t i v e of each study  was  participant;  h o w e v e r , a p o i n t came i n e a c h r e l a t i o n s h i p w h e r e t h e m e n t o r d i d not completely  embody a l l t h a t t h e men  had wanted.  The  protege  r e c o g n i z e d a p e r s o n a l need o r v a l u e , l o o k e d t o t h e mentor t o address  t h e n e e d and when t h e m e n t o r was  l e a v e the mentor's i n f l u e n c e . I r e a l l y respected  teaching t h a t year.  And  my  and  I e n d e d up  instructor  f o r whatever  The  . . . working  reason,  not t o g i v e him  . . .  d o i n g t h e work  on p r o j e c t s t h a t w e r e  really  r e g a r d f o r t h e m e n t o r i s a l t e r e d when a  learning or personal q u a l i t i e s , work i n t e r e s t s .  r e j e c t i o n o f h i s m e n t o r he g e t t i n g out o f the agency." Raymond s t a t e s ,  he  of i t .  anything  v i o l a t i o n of the r e l a t i o n s h i p occurs, e i t h e r with regard  the protege's  that  the c l a s s that  f o r g e t t i n g a b o u t a l l t h a t s t u f f and  t h a t i n t e r e s t e d me  would  I became f u r i o u s t o w a r d s t h e end  o f d e a l i n g w i t h i t was  important."  t o , he  "One  j u s t going t o walk through  was  way  Doug r e l a t e s ,  i n f i r s t y e a r had,  d e c i d e d t h a t he was  unable  "and  and  to  results in a redirection  Raymond n a r r a t e s t h a t a f t e r  of  the  "could t h i n k of nothing e l s e but A f t e r a second mentorship  t h i s s e t me  o f f as w e l l ,  fails  e v e n made me  want  t o g e t o u t o f t h e a g e n c y e v e n more." M e n t o r s w i t h i n t h e work p l a c e have been r e c o g n i z e d as important  f a c t o r i n c a r e e r growth i n the area of  management ( F a g e n s o n , 1989; 1982).  H u n t & M i c h a e l , 1983;  an  business Phillip-Jones,  They have been i d e n t i f i e d as h a v i n g b o t h c a r e e r f u n c t i o n s 70  of p r o v i d i n g challenge, setting,  sponsorship  and  p r o t e c t i o n i n the  i n addition to providing psychosocial  c o u n s e l l i n g and t h i s study,  acceptance  (Kram, 1 9 8 5 ) .  each p a r t i c i p a n t notes the  functions  work of  In the n a r r a t i v e s  importance of the  mentor  i n p r o v i d i n g a sense o f competence i n t h e t a s k s a s s o c i a t e d the job or coursework.  with  T h i s competence i s a l s o r e f l e c t e d i n a  b r o a d e r p e r s p e c t i v e t h a n t h a t o f t h e work e n v i r o n m e n t by personal  of  statements of s e l f worth .  r e l a t i o n s h i p ends u n h a p p i l y turmoil a f f e c t i n g personal  Frequently,  when a m e n t o r i n g  t h e n a r r a t o r r e p o r t s an well-being  their  emotional  as w e l l as t h e c a r e e r  path.  F o r e x a m p l e , Raymond i n d i c a t e s t h a t i n t h e a b s e n c e o f h i s m e n t o r , "I  r e a l l y can't t e l l  you  how  s h a k y I f e l t my  g r o u n d was  at  that  point." T r a n s i t i o n s t o p a i d employment a l l o w e d t h e i r a r e a s o f i n t e r e s t s and Often they described r i g h t man  unbelievable."  The  right",  men  see  Raymond t e l l s  " I was  Raymond t e l l s  the of  a  friends  t h e i r ease i n f i n d i n g employment of  really thrilled"  "sometimes l i f e  and  this  i s going  concludes  seems t o f a l l  to  states, go  by  into place."  o f f i n d i n g a j o b i n V a n c o u v e r and  as  themselves.  i n t e r n i l l u s t r a t e s t h i s p o i n t ; he  " i t f e l t much more l i k e  somewhere", " I was philosophizing,  needs.  i n the u n i v e r s i t y c a f e t e r i a with  o n l y an e n d o r s e m e n t o f c a r e e r c h o i c e b u t  felt  further  h i s t h e s i s : " t h i s i s so s e r e n d i p i t o u s i t ' s  Doug's a c c e p t a n c e a s an "it  t o meet t h e i r f i n a n c i a l  a t t h e r i g h t p l a c e " , Samuel s t a t e s .  a f t e r defending  to  t h i s as a f o r t u i t o u s o c c u r r e n c e .  job o f f e r while s i t t i n g  not  t h e men  notes,  "People  h e r e e m b r a c e d me  i n a very positive  way."  In f i n d i n g p o s i t i o n s r e l a t e d t o f i e l d s of i n t e r e s t i n d i v i d u a l s make a d j u s t m e n t s satisfaction, present.  acceptance  i n their career i f opportunities f o r  and d e m o n s t r a t i n g  competence a r e n o t  The d i s c r e p a n c y b e t w e n t h e i r r e a l i z a t i o n o f t h e i r  homosexuality  and t h e a n t i c i p a t e d n e g a t i v e a t t i t u d e o f t h e s o c i a l  e n v i r o n m e n t a t work and s c h o o l r e s u l t s i n f e e l i n g s o f l i m i t e d acceptance.  " I n f a c t I was r e a l l y s t a r t l e d when I t r a v e l l e d  t h e t h e a t r e company how  few gay p e o p l e  t h e r e were.  s u r p r i s e d a t t h e h o m o p h o b i a t h a t was i n t h e r e . profession.  In fact there i s s t i l l  . . . 1  In the  During t h e i r tenure i n  a j o b , i f t h e y become a w a r e o f unmet n e e d s a n d h a v e no e n t e r a s t a t e o f becoming  t o make a c h a n g e i n t h e i r c a r e e r .  social context.  "rejection", This emotional  c o n s i d e r e d a c r i s i s b y t h e men. a s k s h i m s e l f , "What t h e h e l l  and " o s t r a c i z a t i o n "  Samuel n o t e s  am I d o i n g w i t h my  from t h e  life?"  Raymond s t a t e s ,  72  my  O f t e n t h e men job tasks i n " I f e l t I was i n  t r o u b l e , t h a t I c o u l d n ' t c o p e w i t h my o r g a n i z a t i o n a l responsibilities."  he  Doug  "what am I d o i n g w i t h  would q u e s t i o n t h e i r a b i l i t i e s t o complete t h e i r state.  speaks  a p o i n t where  a n d w h e r e am I g o i n g a n d why t y p e c r i s e s . "  l i g h t of t h i s emotional  prepared  s t a t e p r e c e d i n g a change i s o f t e n  s a y s t h a t he f r e q u e n t l y e x p e r i e n c e s , life  potential  The l a n g u a g e u s e d i n  d e s c r i b i n g t h e i n c i d e n t s p r i o r t o making a c a r e e r s h i f t of, "alienation",  was  a g r e a t d e a l o f homophobia i n  t h e d e s i g n p r o f e s s i o n , " Samuel i n d i c a t e s .  f o r m e l i o r a t i n g them, t h e men  with  The by  s t a t e o f c r i s i s as  i n d i c a t e d by  a s i t u a t i o n around which the  a w a r e n e s s o f t h e m s e l v e s and view the  i s e m p l o y e d by considers  directions.  f a i l s to t e l l  t h i s a personal  s e r v i n g i t s own  recognizing  impression  f a i l u r e t o a f f i r m him company.  The  him  of h i s parents'  rejection.  He  concerns.  This  represents  faced  ranks of  Francisco  d o e s he  d e g r e e w h e r e he  incidents  i s t h a t I am  Pride experience,  company e v o k e s a c r i s i s and  Doug's c a r e e r describes  career paths, often noting  San  courses.  closer to  Against the  He  has  on  He whatever  t h i s backdrop  to  action.  several occasions  i n the preceding  a  experience with  s p u r s him  r i s e to feeling alienated.  experiences being  experience  s h i f t s h a v e a l s o come a t a p o i n t t h a t  as a " c r i s i s . "  which gives  acting  rejection to  "I felt  r e c o g n i t i o n of himself  leave  of  Pride event i n  s t i n g of personal  t h a n I have e v e r f e l t . "  Samuel's p e r s o n a l theatre  O n l y a f t e r an  i s emboldened t o change c a r e e r  r e m a r k s o f h i s Gay it  f e e l the  a  company and  the p r o f e s s i o n .  a Gay  than  the  career,  of f e e l i n g deeply f u l f i l l e d during  company  t o him  c a l l s homophobia, t h r o u g h o u t h i s  never l e f t  he  death,  r e j e c t i o n , o r w h a t he he  company  on t o u r r a t h e r  to leave the  W h i l e Samuel has  effort  sees the t h e a t r e  as a p e r s o n w i t h i n t h e  the  they  p r e c i p i t a t e an  S a m u e l , when t h e t h e a t r e  i n c i d e n t s p u r s him  acting altogether.  In l i g h t of  of i s o l a t i o n ,  i n t e r e s t s i n k e e p i n g him  h i s personal  i s characterized  emotions a r i s e .  e x t e r n a l e v e n t s a s d i s t r e s s i n g and  t o change c a r e e r  as  the  t h e men  f a c t o r s an  he  changed event  A t u n i v e r s i t y he  o s t r a c i z e d f r o m h i s s o c i a l g r o u p when i t  of  the  becomes a p p a r e n t t h a t h e i s d a t i n g a man who l i v e s States.  P r i o r t o returning t o recording  gay  jokes  told  his  d e p a r t u r e from t h e r e c o r d i n g  school  i n the United  he r e c a l l s  i n h i s p r e s e n c e when h e was a n i n t e r n .  f o u n d o u t how much t h e y c a r e d  Regarding  s t u d i o Doug r e f l e c t s ,  a b o u t me."  a c c e p t a n c e h e f o u n d when v o l u n t e e r i n g  anti-  "so I  The l e v e l o f  personal  w i t h t h e AIDS s e r v i c e  o r g a n i z a t i o n was e n c o u r a g i n g i n c o m p a r i s o n t o h i s e x p e r i e n c e a t the  s t u d i o : " I t f e l t r e a l l y g o o d a n d was a s h a r p c o n t r a s t t o  g o i n g t o t h e s t u d i o w h i c h by t h a t t i m e f e l t contrast  served  r e a l l y bad."  This  to precipitate h i s inquiry with the organization  about a p a i d p o s i t i o n . Raymond e x p e r i e n c e d t h e " c r i s i s " his  career  greater  state several times  and has c o n s e q u e n t l y a l t e r e d h i s c a r e e r  l a t i t u d e t o e x p r e s s h i m s e l f more f u l l y .  during  t o a l l o w him  After the  s u i c i d e o f h i s m e n t o r , Raymond became e x t r e m e l y d e s p o n d e n t i n h i s p o s i t i o n and attempted d i l i g e n t l y t o l e a v e h i s j o b . m e n t o r h a d b e e n a g a y man i s h i g h l y s i g n i f i c a n t "that f i r s t  leave  f o r Raymond,  a d u l t h o m o s e x u a l t h a t I knew a n d l i k e d  viewed t h e l o s s o f support as c a t a s t r o p h i c .  That h i s  . . ." a n d he  While seeking  t h e a g e n c y , Raymond was s e x u a l l y h a r a s s e d b y t h e m a l e  executive  t h a t he w e n t t o a f t e r h i s m e n t o r ' s d e a t h i n h o p e o f  r e c e i v i n g support.  S e x u a l harassment has been viewed as a  significant factor i n the loss of job motivation Terpstra  & Baker, 1989).  (Gutch, 1985;  In view of h i s f e e l i n g s of  personal  i n a d e q u a c y s u b s e q u e n t t o t h e s e t w o e v e n t s , Raymond r e t u r n e d school  to  a s a means o f l e a v i n g t h e a g e n c y .  He was d e e p l y  to  t h r e a t e n e d by  the  both incidents crisis  negative i m p l i c a t i o n s of homosexuality  revealed.  I t c a s t him  The  recognition  of oneself  o f one  awareness of s e l f  narratives  f o s t e r s the  i s a precondition  In the  instance  same s e x  a c c e p t a n c e t h e y s e e k and  The  the  o f t h e men  self  makes t h e The  s i t u a t i o n s they  incongruity  in  R o l l o May  s i g n i f i c a n c e o f commitment i s n o t g o o d t h i n g o r e t h i c a l l y t o be  'leap'  ....  We  the  that  advised.  i t i s simply a It is a  k n o w l e d g e and  than v i c e versa"  (p. 1 6 6 ) .  into this  an  "The vaguely  necessary  p o s s i b i l i t y or  term d e c i s i o n  d e c i s i v e a t t i t u d e towards existence, In t h i s respect,  men  precursor to action.  i s a necessary condition use  social  emotional  (1983) s u g g e s t s t h a t  f o r s e e i n g t r u t h . . . The  t o take such a  the  r e j e c t i o n they f i n d i n the  is a vital  as  providing  unpleasant emotional s t a t e motivates the  commitment t o t h e  orientation  The  o r work p r e c i p i t a t e s t h e i r n e g a t i v e  making a c a r e e r change.  prerequisite  the  r e a l i z a t i o n of t h e i r e r o t i c  p a r t i c u l a r l y threatening.  context of school  to  i n t e r p r e t a t i o n of a s i t u a t i o n  of t h i s study, the  o r i e n t a t i o n towards the  state.  had  s i t u a t i o n as e v o k i n g a c r i s i s .  threating or a l i e n a t i n g .  describe  i m p u l s e s he  ignore.  consideration  the  i n t o a tremendous e m o t i o n a l  i n view of h i s r e a l i z a t i o n of the  attempted to  that  f o r the  readiness decisive  as meaning a  a t t i t u d e of  commitment.  insight follow decision  rather  Thus one's knowledge o f a homosexual  o r i e n t a t i o n , one's need f o r a f f i r m a t i o n as t h a t p e r s o n , i s a element of the  c a r e e r d e c i s i o n p r o c e s s f o r t h e men 75  i n t h i s study.  To  eliminate the c r i s i s  s t a t e , t h e p e r s o n makes a s e a r c h t o  f i n d o r r e s t o r e a f e e l i n g of worth. competence and v a l u e study  R e e s t a b l i s h i n g t h e sense o f  t h a t w o r k p r e v i o u s l y h a d , t h e men i n t h i s  frequently returned  themselves emotionally,  t o school.  I n an e f f o r t t o s t a b i l i z e  t h e y f e l t t h a t l e a r n i n g new s k i l l s w o u l d  g i v e them a d i r e c t i o n o r s t r u c t u r e t h e y were m i s s i n g crisis. and  The men a l s o n o t e d t h e f r e e d o m t o e x p l o r e  sexual  i s s u e s when i n s c h o o l  environment. kinds  during the  their  personal  as opposed t o t h e work  Raymond s t a t e s , "Now a t t h i s p o i n t I'm a w a r e o f a l l  o f t h i n g s , t h a t h e r e f o r example, i s freedom from t h e work  network t h a t I had been i n . . . . 1  know i n t h e m i d s t o f a l l t h i s  my s e x u a l i t y i s l o o m i n g i n f r o n t o f me." emotional market.  s t a b i l i z a t i o n had o c c u r r e d  t h e men r e e n t e r e d  The t r a n s i t i o n b e t w e e n s c h o o l  b l a c k and w h i t e p r o c e s s . maintaining  a lifestyle  When some d e g r e e o f  a n d w o r k was b y no means a  The f i n a n c i a l c o n s i d e r a t i o n o f i n d e p e n d e n t o f f a m i l y s u p p o r t made s h i f t s  between work and s c h o o l u n c l e a r l y d e l i n e a t e d . p u r s u i t of further education confirming  thejob  However, t h e  c a r r i e d an o v e r a l l e f f e c t o f  a l e v e l of personal  efficacy sufficiently  s u b s t a n t i a t i n g any j o b change.  The  End  I n f a c i n g t h e moments o f c r i s i s p r i o r t o m a k i n g a d e c i s i o n t o c h a n g e j o b s o r r e t u r n t o s c h o o l , e a c h man i n t h i s progressively a r t i c u l a t e d a s e t of personal 76  values  study  related to  work.  I n t h e p r o c e s s o f r e c o g n i z i n g t h e i r s e x u a l o r i e n t a t i o n and  developing a p e r s o n a l i d e n t i t y which homosexuality,  i s inclusive of their  t h e y have c r e a t e d an u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f t h e i r  p a r t i c i p a t i o n i n the social context of t h e i r careers. has  i n d i c a t e d t h a t i n response  t o t h e problem  E a c h man  indicated at the  b e g i n n i n g o f h i s s t o r y he h a s s t r u c k a b a l a n c e b e t w e e n h i s p e r s o n a l and work personae. homosexuality is  The i s s u e o f r e c o g n i z i n g t h e i r  a n d b e i n g a n o p e n l y g a y man i n a w o r k  environment  r e c o n c i l e d through the process of determining t h e i r careers.  By f i n d i n g a d e q u a t e r o l e m o d e l s a n d w o r k s i t u a t i o n s  which  accepted t h e i r homosexual i d e n t i t y as w e l l as p r o v i d e d o p p o r t u n i t i e s f o r d e m o n s t r a t i n g t h e i r knowledge and s k i l l s , resolved the i n i t i a l  problem.  A f t e r s u r v i v i n g a s e r i e s o f c r i s e s , Raymond, w h i l e his  they  finishing  d o c t o r a t e , m e e t s a g a y man who r e p r e s e n t s a l l he v a l u e s .  model a d d r e s s e s h o m o s e x u a l i t y  His  i n h i s academic r e s e a r c h ,  p a r t i c i p a t e s i n t h e u n i v e r s i t y ' s s o c i e t y a s a n o p e n l y g a y man, r e c o g n i z e s Raymond's h o m o s e x u a l i t y s e x u a l advances.  a n d d o e s n o t make u n w a n t e d  He i d e n t i f i e s t h i s man a s t h e " i d e a l g a y man."  T h i s mentor demonstrates  that i ti s possible to reconcile  i d e n t i t y w i t h one's c a r e e r .  With the i n f l u e n c e o f t h i s  one's  role  m o d e l , Raymond i s t h e n a b l e t o i n t e g r a t e h i s s e x u a l i s s u e s w i t h his  w o r k l i f e when h e b e g i n s t r a v e l l i n g a s a c o n s u l t a n t a n d  b e g i n s t o p a r t i c i p a t e i n t h e gay c u l t u r e .  He f e e l s a s e n s e o f  a g e n c y w i t h i n t h e new s o c i a l s t r u c t u r e " t h i s was t o t a l l y of  opposite  t h e a g e n c y w h e r e I j u s t f i n d m y s e l f moved f r o m one s o c i a l  t h i n g t o another. situation. This  i s my  I j u s t l e t everybody e l s e c o n t r o l the  I n t h i s s i t u a t i o n I f e l t e n t i r e l y d i f f e r e n t about i t . situation,  I'm t r a v e l l i n g h e r e . I f I w a n t t o make  s o m e t h i n g o u t o f t h i s e x p e r i e n c e I'm  g o i n g t o do i t . And I d i d . "  A s a f r e e l a n c e w r i t e r Raymond h a s t h e p e r s o n a l come t o v a l u e  a n d no l o n g e r  f r e e d o m he h a s  needs t o f e e l t h r e a t e n e d  by  a n t i c i p a t i o n of r e j e c t i o n f o r h i s homosexuality. In moving from a v o l u n t e e r  position to a full  time  paid  p o s i t i o n a t a n AIDS s e r v i c e o r g a n i z a t i o n , Doug h a s b e e n a b l e t o resolve the d i f f i c u l t y place. the  o f h a v i n g a gay i d e n t i t y  i n t h e work  The s e r v i c e o r g a n i z a t i o n p e r m i t s h i m t o p a r t i c i p a t e i n  s o c i a l context  rejection.  o f w o r k a s a g a y man w i t h o u t f e a r o f  As t h e o r g a n i z a t i o n  i s f o r t h e most p a r t s e r v i n g t h e  g a y c o m m u n i t y , Doug r a r e l y n e e d s t o become c o n f r o n t a t i o n a l a n d d i s c l o s e h i s sexual  identity,  s o m e t h i n g he i s u n c o m f o r t a b l e  doing. Samuel a l s o i n d i c a t e s t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f a c c e p t a n c e f o r him a s a g a y man  a t work.  I n t e r i o r design  i s considered  a  s t e r e o t y p i c a l l y gay p r o f e s s i o n and c o n s e q u e n t l y h i s s e x u a l o r i e n t a t i o n i s not questioned. places  he " j u s t c o u l d n ' t  don't have t o .  Samuel s a y s t h a t w h i l e  f i t i n " , i n h i s current  I make a s p a c e f o r m y s e l f .  o f t e n w e l c o m e d b u t I'm  also allowed  I'm  i n some  j o b "here I accepted.  t o h a v e my p r i v a c y .  I'm And  t h a t ' s I t h i n k an i m p o r t a n t development p a r t - h a v i n g t h e p r i v a c y t o d i s c o v e r who y o u a r e . " allows  Samuel has s e l e c t e d a c a r e e r p a t h  that  him t o a c t w i t h i n i t s s o c i a l environment w i t h o u t f e e l i n g 78  alienated. E a c h man importance He  c o n c l u d e s h i s s t o r y w i t h a n e m p h a s i s on  of having developed  a degree of p e r s o n a l  the acceptance.  a l s o s t r e s s e s the s i g n i f i c a n c e of t h e freedom f o r p e r s o n a l  e x p r e s s i o n and t h e v a l u e o f a c c e p t a n c e s o c i a l c o n t e x t a t work.  He  and  inclusion within  the  emphasises having chosen a c a r e e r  which permits h i s personal values.  The  Epilogue  Having  reached  the conclusion of t h e i r s t o r i e s ,  s h i f t t h e i r f o c u s from t h e problem considerations of t h e i r career. importance  and  Having  men  i t s resolution to future come t o v a l u e  of e x p r e s s i n g t h e i r personhood, i n c l u d i n g  homosexuality,  the  the their  w h i l e a t work, t h e i r s p e c u l a t i o n i s done w i t h  n o t i o n o f m a i n t a i n i n g t h i s openness throughout Raymond i n d i c a t e d t h a t he e m p l o y e d w r i t e r and  their careers.  i s hoping t o c o n t i n u e as a  expand i n t o o t h e r genres.  o f t h e i n t e r v i e w he m o m e n t a r i l y  the  self  During the  c o n s i d e r e d t a k i n g an  course  academic  p o s i t i o n at the u n i v e r s i t y but q u i c k l y dispensed w i t h the i d e a . I n c o n c l u d i n g h i s i n t e r v i e w , Doug m e n t i o n e d r e t u r n i n g t o s c h o o l t o f i n i s h h i s degree but noted t h a t i t would take another  crisis  t o m o t i v a t e h i m t o do s o and u n t i l t h e n he p l a n s t o r e m a i n he  is.  H i s p a t h h a v i n g n o t b e e n c l e a r l y d e f i n e d up t o  p o i n t , he a n t i c i p a t e s t h a t i t w i l l Samuel p o i n t s t o h i s f u t u r e .  He  continue to evolve.  where  this Finally,  expects t o continue working 79  and  be  self sufficient  f o r as l o n g as h i s h e a l t h a l l o w s him and i s  t a k i n g s t e p s t o p l a n h i s own f u n e r a l . going  t o b e a r o u n d f o r f o r e v e r , s o I'm n o t i n t e r e s t e d i n b u i l d i n g  a monument t o m y s e l f his  He s t a t e s , " I know I'm n o t  . . . .  I live  f o r myself."  future through the lesson of having  of h i m s e l f and from o t h e r s  E a c h man v i e w s  d e v e l o p e d some a c c e p t a n c e  i n respect t o h i scareer  80  choices.  CHAPTER V I I I Findings The  f i n d i n g s of t h i s research i n d i c a t e t h a t there i s a  c o m p l e x s y s t e m o f m e a n i n g d e t a i l e d by e a c h o f t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s which impacted  on h i s c a r e e r .  s e n s e o f s e l f w h i c h o t h e r s r e g a r d and to  t h a t meaning.  The  accept  study  development of a  i s a crucial  I n a s m u c h a s an u n d e r s t a n d i n g  element  e r o t i c response  to  members o f t h e same s e x i s a p a r t o f t h e p e r s o n h o o d , i t i s a l s o a c o n s t i t u e n t p a r t of the i n d i v i d u a l r e q u i r i n g acceptance t h e s o c i a l c o n t e x t o f work.  within  T h i s s e l f i d e n t i t y w h i c h encompasses  t h e h o m o s e x u a l ' s d e s i r e s becomes t h e i n t e r p r e t i v e schema b y events  a f f e c t i n g the career are understood  by t h e  which  homosexual  individual. The  process  o f coming t o terms w i t h one's homosexual  o r i e n t a t i o n evolves over time.  The  f i n d i n g s of t h i s  study  i n d i c a t e d t h a t t h e d e t e r m i n a t i o n o f one's c a r e e r i s a dynamic process  as w e l l .  The  r e l a t i o n s h i p b e t w e e n t h e s e two  processes  b a s e d on t h e m e a n i n g s t r u c t u r e t h e i n d i v i d u a l h o l d s and  is  is  c o m p l e x and v a r i a b l e .  When p l a c e d i n w o r k e n v i r o n m e n t s w h i c h d i d  not provide v a l i d a t i o n  f o r the i n d i v i d u a l ' s  participants felt  i l l a t e a s e and  personal rejection.  The  identity,  i n t e r p r e t e d events  t o be  a  p e r s o n a l i d e n t i f i c a t i o n o f a homosexual  o r i e n t a t i o n b y t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s was  determined  t o be  a  p r e c o n d i t i o n o f a v a r i e t y o f s i t u a t i o n s a t work b e i n g i n t e r p r e t e d as n e g a t i v e .  The  subsequent emotional  n a r r a t o r s as a c r i s i s ,  preceded  s t a t e , d e s i g n a t e d by  c a r e e r change. 81  For  study  the  p a r t i c i p a n t s , the eventual endpoint  o f t h e i r s t o r i e s was  s e l e c t i o n o f a c a r e e r which combined t h e freedom t o themselves  and  a modicum o f s o c i a l  A pivotal participating to  any  shift  the  express  approval.  f e a t u r e i n t h e d e c i s i o n making o f t h e gay i n t h e s t u d y was  the i n d i c a t i o n of a " c r i s i s "  i n the career process.  negative emotional  state,  narrator's situation.  men  T h i s was  construed  as  prior a  i n d i c a t i n g an i m p e n d i n g c h a n g e i n t h e  T h i s i n v e s t i g a t i o n found  that the  crisis  o c c u r r e d when t h e s i t u a t i o n j e o p a r d i z e d t h e n a r r a t o r ' s s e n s e o f h i m s e l f and his  decreased  work t a s k s .  The  h i s f e e l i n g o f competence i n c a r r y i n g out c r i s i s was  a s s o c i a t e d w i t h an  being rejected or feeling alienated.  The  impression  d i s t r e s s was  of  considered  t h e p r o d r o m a l s t a t e s i g n i f y i n g a need f o r c a r e e r change. The  multifaceted social  f a c t o r s w h i c h a r e i n t e r p r e t e d as  a f f i r m i n g o r r e j e c t i n g o f c a r e e r c h o i c e s were a l s o d i s c u s s e d i n the n a r r a t i v e discourse analyzed. d i s c l o s u r e s , r o l e m o d e l s who the protege,  and  difficulty  of n e g a t i v e feedback r o l e m o d e l s who  Sexual harassment,  false  f a i l e d to represent the values  of  of o b t a i n i n g a j o b were a l l s o u r c e s  influencing career selections.  Positive  e m b o d i e d f e a t u r e s and v a l u e s o f t h e p r o t e g e  and  p l a c e s o f work w h i c h endorsed homosexual o r i e n t a t i o n s were c o n s i d e r e d more p o s i t i v e l y and In  influenced the d e c i s i o n a l  process.  f a c t , the n a r r a t i v e s d i s c u s s e d i n t h i s research suggest  i n d i v i d u a l s s e e k m e n t o r s who provide a guide both  that  w i l l r e p r e s e n t t h e i r a s p i r a t i o n s and  f o r p e r s o n a l and p r o f e s s i o n a l g r o w t h .  82  Theoretical Implications The  impact  critical  of a person's  c o n s t r u c t i o n of meaning i s a  component i n t h e development o f a model o f c a r e e r  d e c i s i o n making.  The  i n c o r p o r a t i o n o f an u n d e r s t a n d i n g  of  the  r o l e o f p e r s o n a l meaning i n t o a d e c i s i o n making model must r e p r e s e n t t h e d y n a m i c i n t e r r e l a t i o n s h i p among s o c i a l , and d e v e l o p m e n t a l  factors.  The  i m p l i c a t i o n of t h i s  cultural  study  s u g g e s t s t h a t t h e i n c l u s i o n o f t h e d e v e l o p m e n t and m a i n t e n a n c e o f identity,  i n c l u d i n g the notion of sexual o r i e n t a t i o n ,  p e r t i n e n t t o t h e o r e t i c a l modeling  is  i n the career c o u n s e l l i n g  field. This study a d d i t i o n a l l y  i n d i c a t e s t h e f u n c t i o n and n a t u r e  of  m e n t o r s i s an i m p o r t a n t c o n s i d e r a t i o n i n c a r e e r d e v e l o p m e n t . M e n t o r s p r o v i d e an a b u n d a n t s o u r c e o f i n f o r m a t i o n t o a both w i t h r e s p e c t t o given job performance a b i l i t i e s interaction.  protege  and  social  As a s o u r c e o f r e i n f o r c e m e n t and a f f i r m a t i o n , t h e  mentor i s a major agent i n the d e c i s i o n making process of protege.  The  r e l a t i o n s h i p and  i t s construed importance  p r o t e g e p r o v i d e an o p p o r t u n i t y f o r e m o t i o n a l s t a b i l i t y evoking s i t u a t i o n s .  The  to in  the crisis  c o r o l l a r y , that the d e s t r u c t i o n of  r e l a t i o n s h i p e f f e c t s emotional circumstances  the  instability  a t work, i s a l s o found.  and  augments  This aspect  r e l a t i o n s h i p i n t h e w o r k e n v i r o n m e n t i s an  difficult  of  important  c o n s i d e r a t i o n f o r the development of a comprehensive t h e o r y c a r e e r a s w e l l a s a p e r s p e c t i v e on d e c i s i o n a l It  of  factors.  i s f a i r t o n o t e t h a t t h e l i m i t e d number o f 83  the  participants  i n t h i s study  r e s t r i c t s t h e o r e t i c a l g e n e r a l i z a t i o n s t h a t can  drawn from t h i s r e s e a r c h .  T h i s i s p a r t i c u l a r l y t h e case as  s a t u r a t i o n o f n a r r a t i v e m a t e r i a l o c c u r r e d w h i c h c o u l d be to demonstrate i n t e r n a l consistency of the  be no  applied  study.  Practical Implications The  f i n d i n g s o f t h i s r e s e a r c h h a v e d i r e c t b e a r i n g on  counselling practice. an  A n t i c i p a t i o n o f t h e work environment f o r  i n d i v i d u a l with a developing  i s an  important  or developed  homosexual  identity  c o n s i d e r a t i o n i n s u c c e s s f u l job placement.  r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n t h e w o r k p l a c e and  support  f o r the  i d e n t i t y but  within that career. of the s o c i a l aspects  The  individual  have p o t e n t i a l consequences not o n l y f o r t h e development personal  career  a l s o f o r the adjustment of the  of  individual  C o u n s e l l o r s need t o e x p l o r e t h e  anticipation  o f w o r k c l e a r l y w i t h c l i e n t s a s an  element  r e l e v a n t t o d e c i s i o n making. It  i s also c r i t i c a l  to include the d i s c u s s i o n of the  r o l e models a c t i n g t o i n f l u e n c e the d e c i s i o n making W h i l e no one  c a n be t h o u g h t t o a c t i n an e n t i r e l y  m a n n e r , an a w a r e n e s s o f k e y p l a y e r s may  a s s i s t an  process.  independent individual  b e c o m i n g a w a r e o f t h e i n f l u e n c e o f r e l a t i o n s h i p s on  The  c o u n s e l l o r may  a l s o be a b l e t o  they  i n making a comprehensive search  f o r a mentor  adequately  represents t h e i r values, thereby  circumventing  impact of f a i l e d mentorships. 84  can  assist  the c l i e n t  negative  in  their  d e c i s i o n as w e l l as t h e v a r i o u s t y p e s o f r e i n f o r c e m e n t anticipate.  major  C o u n s e l l o r s may  who any  also  c o n s i d e r mentorship programs t o f a c i l i t a t e personal The  other areas  development. final  area of p r a c t i c a l  implications f o r career  c o u n s e l l i n g w h i c h c a n be d r a w n f r o m t h i s s t u d y crisis  s t a t e s on d e c i s i o n m a k i n g .  change, e x p l o r i n g the antecedents to  of  As  i s the impact  a central feature i n  of c r i s i s , both  b e i n g as w e l l as t h e s i t u a t i o n a l d e t e r m i n a n t s ,  v a l u a b l e i n f o r m a t i o n f o r t h e c l i e n t and d e c i s i o n making.  C r i s i s may  more p o s i t i v e l i g h t a s an i d e n t i t y thereby  be  reframed  facilitate  the  commitment  may  provide  future  f o r the c l i e n t  i n d i c a t i o n o f a commitment t o  facilitating  coping  of  i n the career  in  a  personal  change  process.  Implications for future  research  T h e r e a r e a h o s t o f r e s e a r c h i m p l i c a t i o n s w h i c h c a n be from t h i s study. m e n t o r s h i p f o r gay to  The men  nature  q u a l i t i e s of  during the course  be e x p l o r e d more f u l l y .  facilitating  and  The  effective  o f t h e i r c a r e e r may  need  r o l e of the mentors i n  t h e a d j u s t m e n t t o a h o m o s e x u a l i d e n t i t y and  i n w h i c h t h i s c o u l d be  drawn  s u c c e s s f u l l y e m p l o y e d may  also  programs  provide  v a l u a b l e i n f o r m a t i o n t o the f i e l d of a d u l t development  and  counselling. R e s e a r c h e x p l o r i n g t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p between gay a c c e p t a n c e and for  career s t a b i l i t y  self-  would have i m p l i c a t i o n s not  only  c a r e e r c o u n s e l l i n g b u t a l s o f o r an e c o n o m i c a n a l y s i s o f  homosexual i d e n t i t i e s .  The  question of the impact of d e c i d i n g t o 85  pass as a h e t e r o s e x u a l this differs  a t w o r k on c a r e e r d e v e l o p m e n t a n d w h e t h e r  f r o m t h e way  a s e l f - d i s c l o s e d g a y man  s h i f t s i s an a r e a o f f u t u r e r e s e a r c h e x t e n d i n g inquiry.  makes c a r e e r  from t h e  present  A comprehensive q u a l i t a t i v e a n a l y s i s o f the career  n a r r a t i v e s o f g a y men  may  serve t o i l l u m i n a t e t h e development of  a gay i d e n t i t y as w e l l as t h e t r a n s i t i o n a l p r o c e s s  between  r e a l i z i n g t h e i d e n t i t y and r e v e a l i n g i t t o o t h e r s .  I t may  also  be o f i n t e r e s t t o c a r e e r d e v e l o p m e n t t h e o r y t o e s t a b l i s h t h e impact o f being having  i n f e c t e d w i t h t h e Human I m m u n o d e f i c i e n c y V i r u s o r  a n AIDS d i a g n o s i s on t h e c a r e e r d e c i s i o n s o f g a y  As a r e s u l t o f t h e p r e s e n t the  men  research, questions pertaining to  i n c i d e n c e a n d r e p e r c u s s i o n s o f s e x u a l h a r a s s m e n t f o r men  w o r k s h o u l d a l s o come t o l i g h t . h a r a s s m e n t may  h a v e f o r men  The v a r i o u s m e a n i n g s t h a t  at  sexual  and t h e c o p i n g mechanisms employed  are p o s s i b l e areas f o r future inquiry.  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