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A phenomenological exploration of the mother-daughter relationships during and after father-daughter… Sen, Chandra 1990

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A PHENOMENOLOGICAL EXPLORATION OF THE MOTHER-DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIPS DURING AND AFTER FATHER-DAUGHTER INCESTUOUS ABUSE OF THE DAUGHTER BY CHANDRA SEN B. A. (Hons.)' The U n i v e r s i t y of Regina, 1980 A THESIS SUBMITTED IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF MASTER OF ARTS i n THE FACULTY OF GRADUATE STUDIES (Departmant of C o u n s e l l i n g Psychology) We accept t h i s t h e s i s as conforming t o the r e q u i r e d standard THE UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA December, 1990 © C h a n d r a Sen, 1990 In presenting this thesis in partial fulfilment of the requirements for an advanced degree at the University of British Columbia, I agree that the Library shall make it freely available for reference and study. I further agree that permission for extensive copying of this thesis for scholarly purposes may be granted by the head of my department or by his or her representatives. It is understood that copying or publication of this thesis for financial gain shall not be allowed without my written permission. Department of The University of British Columbia Vancouver, Canada DE-6 (2/88) i i A b s t r a c t The purpose of t h i s study was to e x p l o r e the nature of the r e l a t i o n s h i p between mothers and t h e i r i n c e s t u o u s l y abused daughters. The r e s e a r c h sample c o n s i s t e d of f i v e a d u l t daughters who i n t h e i r c h i l d h o o d and/or adolescence, were abused by t h e i r b i o l o g i c a l f a t h e r s . The v o l u n t e e r p a r t i c i p a n t s were i n therapy at the time of the r e s e a r c h i n t e r v i e w s . The study employed a phenomenological method i n order t o allow the daughters t o d e s c r i b e t h e i r e x periences and p e r c e p t i o n s of t h e i r mothers. By engaging i n a d i a l o g u e with the daughters, the r e s e a r c h e r attempted to e x p l o r e the dynamics and impact of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s on the daughters. R e s u l t s confirmed t h a t these mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s were damaged. However, the daughters a l s o expressed s t r o n g d e s i r e s t o h e a l t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers. In a d d i t i o n , the daughters i d e n t i f i e d important c o n n e c t i o n s between t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers and the c o n t i n u e d i n f l u e n c e of t h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p on t h e i r e xperience of themselves i n t h e i r c u r r e n t l i v e s . The f i n d i n g s of t h i s study have important r e s e a r c h and t h e r a p e u t i c i m p l i c a t i o n s . The r e s e a r c h f i n d i n g s s t r o n g l y suggest t h a t the r e l a t i o n s h i p between daughters and t h e i r mothers i n f a m i l i e s where f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t occurs needs to be examined beyond i n d i v i d u a l f a m i l y member's r o l e s which have been the e x c l u s i v e focus of e x i s t i n g r e s e a r c h . Furthermore, the s t r o n g i i i c o n n ections made by the p a r t i c i p a n t s of the p r e s e n t study between t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers and t h e i r sense of s e l f , may be an important c o n s i d e r a t i o n i n t h e r a p e u t i c work with t h i s c l i e n t p o p u l a t i o n . i v Table of Contents A b s t r a c t i i Table of Contents i v CHAPTER 1: I n t r o d u c t i o n 1 Statement of the Problem 1 Purpose of the Study 13 S i g n i f i c a n c e of the Study 14 CHAPTER I I : L i t e r a t u r e Review 16 CHAPTER I I I : Methodology 2 9 Q u a l i t a t i v e Method 29 Sample 31 Procedure 32 Data A n a l y s i s 34 CHAPTER IV: R e s u l t s 37 B i o g r a p h i e s 38 Common Themes 4 8 Mother-Daughter 4 9 Father-Daughter 57 S i b l i n g R e l a t i o n s h i p s 62 Intimate R e l a t i o n s h i p s 67 Summary 7 0 CHAPTER V: D i s c u s s i o n 72 Summary 80 C o n c l u s i o n s 81 I m p l i c a t i o n s f o r C o u n s e l l i n g 83 V T h e o r e t i c a l I m p l i c a t i o n s 87 Research I m p l i c a t i o n s 92 L i m i t a t i o n s of the Study 93 Summary 94 REFERENCES 96 APPENDICES 101 Appendix A: Recruitment L e t t e r t o T h e r a p i s t s 101 Appendix B: Summary Sheet t o T h e r a p i s t s 103 Appendix C: C l i e n t Consent Form 106 Appendix D: Sample of Interview Questions 107 Appendix E: Sample of T r a n s c r i b e d Interview 108 1 Chapter 1 I n t r o d u c t i o n Statement of the problem The s a c r o s a n c t n e s s of the p a r e n t - c h i l d r e l a t i o n s h i p i s a t r u i s m t h a t has u n i v e r s a l appeal and meaning. For v i c t i m s of i n c e s t , the v i o l a t i o n of t h i s u n i v e r s a l t r u t h i s a c r u e l legacy. U n t i l the l a s t decade, i n c e s t was suppressed and l a r g e l y denied a p u b l i c forum ( C o u r t o i s , 1988). H i s t o r i c a l l y , the p r i c e e x t r a c t e d from the v i c t i m s of i n c e s t has o f t e n been too h i g h f o r them t o s u b j e c t themselves t o the s c r u t i n y and punishment which o f t e n accompany d i s c l o s u r e . The taboo a g a i n s t n u c l e a r f a m i l y i n c e s t i s u n i v e r s a l ( C o u r t o i s ; Haugaard & Reppucci, 1988; Kosof, 1985; Meiselman, 1978). However, the occurrence of i n c e s t i s a l s o u n i v e r s a l ( C o u r t o i s ; Herman, 1981; R u s s e l l , 1986). The d u p l i c i t o u s nature of i n c e s t has o f t e n been an impediment t o det e r m i n i n g the p r e v a l e n c e of inces t u o u s abuse i n our s o c i e t y . I n c e s t has been c o v e r t l y condoned i n many c u l t u r e s , while at the same time b e i n g o v e r t l y condemned and denied. Since i n c e s t "...encompasses sexual behaviour w i t h a m u l t i t u d e of p a t t e r n s , v a r i a t i o n s , causes, types, r e l a t i o n s h i p s and a f t e r e f f e c t s " ( C o u r t o i s , 1988, p.12), i t has been d e f i n e d i n a number of d i f f e r e n t ways ( C o u r t o i s ; Herman, 1981; R u s s e l l 1986; Vander Mey & Neff, 1986). For the purposes of t h i s study, t h i s r e s e a r c h e r w i l l use a d e f i n i t i o n of i n c e s t which i n c o r p o r a t e s s e v e r a l common components of d e f i n i t i o n s a p p l i e d i n i n c e s t 2 r e s e a r c h (e.g., Herman; R u s s e l l ) . Incest i s sexual abuse t h a t i s imposed on a c h i l d by an a d u l t with whom the c h i l d has a k i n s h i p r e l a t i o n s h i p . The abuse i s s a i d t o be imposed s i n c e the c h i l d i s not f r e e t o e i t h e r consent t o or r e f u s e the advances of the o f f e n d e r . The c h i l d ' s a b i l i t y t o g i v e informed consent i s compromised by h i s or her l a c k of knowledge about sex and s e x u a l i t y . The c h i l d i s not f r e e t o r e f u s e the advances because the k i n s h i p t i e s between the v i c t i m and the o f f e n d e r render the c h i l d e m o t i o n a l l y and/or p h y s i c a l l y dependent upon the a d u l t o f f e n d e r . The c h i l d a l s o l a c k s m a t u r a t i o n a l development r e g a r d i n g the r a m i f i c a t i o n s of a sexual r e l a t i o n s h i p . S e v e r a l r e s e a r c h e r s acknowledge the absence of any consensus r e g a r d i n g c r i t e r i a f o r d e f i n i n g sexual abuse (e.g., Wyatt & P e t e r s ) . The commonly used e x i s t i n g d e f i n i t i o n s i n c o r p o r a t e the f o l l o w i n g components: c h i l d sexual abuse i s any p h y s i c a l c o n t a c t or s o l i c i t a t i o n f o r sex i n i t i a t e d or o f f e r e d by an a d u l t toward a c h i l d which i s f o r the g r a t i f i c a t i o n of the a d u l t ( F a l l e r , 1988) . T h i s broad d e f i n i t i o n i n c l u d e s i n t r a - as w e l l as e x t r a - f a m i l i a l abuse. However, the l a c k of a uniform d e f i n i t i o n may account f o r the v a s t l y d i v e r g e n t p r e v a l e n c e f i n d i n g s t h a t have been r e p o r t e d ( F i n k e l h o r , 1986; R u s s e l l , 1986; Wyatt & P e t e r s , 1986). In h i s review of s e v e r a l North American s t u d i e s on the p r e v a l e n c e of c h i l d s e x u a l abuse, F i n k e l h o r (1986) found s i g n i f i c a n t v a r i a t i o n i n t h e i r r e p o r t e d r a t e s . These p r e v a l e n c e r a t e s ranged from 6 to 62% f o r females and from 3 to 31% f o r males ( F i n k e l h o r , p. 19). The same d i f f i c u l t i e s r e g a r d i n g d e f i n i t i o n of i n c e s t a f f e c t the p r e v a l e n c e r a t e s f o r inces t u o u s abuse. However, d e s p i t e v a r i e d d e f i n i t i o n s of i n c e s t i n the l i t e r a t u r e , r e s e a r c h e r s have found in c e s t u o u s abuse t o be the most commonly o c c u r r i n g form of c h i l d s e xual abuse ( F i n k e l h o r , 1979; R u s s e l l , 1986). However, r e p o r t e d r a t e s of i n c e s t vary depending on how the i n c e s t u o u s l y abusive r e l a t i o n s h i p i s d e f i n e d i n any giv e n p r e v a l e n c e study. In some s t u d i e s (e.g., R u s s e l l ) i n c e s t may i n c l u d e sexual i n t e r a c t i o n between any persons who are l e g a l l y r e l a t e d t o one another. In other s t u d i e s (e.g., F i n k e l h o r , 1984; Wyatt, 1985) the abuse i n c l u d e s c o n t a c t as w e l l as non-contact abuse. Sampling procedures and other m e t h o d o l o g i c a l f a c t o r s may a l s o c o n t r i b u t e to d i f f e r e n t i a l f i n d i n g s . Among the v a r i o u s types of inces t u o u s r e l a t i o n s h i p s s t u d i e d f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t has been r e p o r t e d as the most commonly o c c u r r i n g form of i n c e s t ( C o u r t o i s , 1988; F i n k e l h o r , 1979; R u s s e l l , 1986; Wyatt, c i t e d i n R u s s e l l ) . In R u s s e l l ' s sample of 930 a d u l t women of the San F r a n c i s c o area, f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r abuse was r e p o r t e d by f o u r and one-half percent of respondents, and t h e r e f o r e was the most commonly r e p o r t e d form of i n c e s t . Other r e s e a r c h e r s (e.g., C o u r t o i s , 1988; F i n k e l h o r , 1986) concur t h a t R u s s e l l ' s sample was r e p r e s e n t a t i v e of women i n c e s t v i c t i m s and t h a t the study was m e t h o d o l o g i c a l l y r i g o r o u s . In Wyatt's ( c i t e d i n R u s s e l l ) sample of 248 a d u l t women of the Los Angeles area, f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t was r e p o r t e d by e i g h t percent of respondents. T h i s f i g u r e i n c l u d e s r e p o r t s of i n c e s t with mothers l i v e - i n b o y f r i e n d s and other f a t h e r f i g u r e s . These two s t u d i e s 4 were s i m i l a r i n t h e i r d e f i n i t i o n s of i n c e s t and methodologies. D e s p i t e the h i g h q u a l i t y of the r e s e a r c h by Wyatt ( c i t e d i n R u s s e l l , 1986) and R u s s e l l , s e v e r a l r e s e a r c h e r s (e.g., C o u r t o i s , 1988; R u s s e l l ; F i n k e l h o r , 1984) m a i n tain t h a t the a c t u a l p r e v a l e n c e r a t e s of i n c e s t are l i k e l y c o n s i d e r a b l y h i g h e r than those r e p o r t e d i n p u b l i s h e d s t u d i e s . Most r e s e a r c h e r s i n the f i e l d a l s o agree t h a t because f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t contravenes c u l t u r a l and s o c i e t a l taboos a g a i n s t sex between parent and c h i l d ( C o u r t o i s ; Haugaard & Reppucci, 1988), i n c e s t has the p o t e n t i a l to i n f l i c t g r e a t damage upon the n u c l e a r f a m i l y and the l i f e of the abused daughter i n p a r t i c u l a r ( F i n k e l h o r , 1984; G i a r r e t t o , 1976; Herman, 1981; R u s s e l l ) . There remain many unanswered q u e s t i o n s r e g a r d i n g a c t u a l p r e v a l e n c e r a t e s f o r i n c e s t , f a m i l y c o n d i t i o n s w i t h i n which i n c e s t occurs, and the impact of i n c e s t on the daughter and on f a m i l i a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s . The phenomenon of f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t t h e r e f o r e m e r i t s c o n t i n u e d i n v e s t i g a t i o n , e s p e c i a l l y s i n c e the i n c i d e n c e r a t e of t h i s form of abuse i s h i g h . T h i s study w i l l attempt t o f u r t h e r e x p l o r e the f a m i l y s t r u c t u r e w i t h i n which in c e s t u o u s r e l a t i o n s h i p s f r e q u e n t l y occur. S p e c i f i c a l l y , the dynamics and nature of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p w i l l be e x p l o r e d . During the past decade, i n c e s t has r e c e i v e d unprecedented s o c i e t a l and r e s e a r c h a t t e n t i o n . Research e f f o r t s t o l e a r n more about the c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s and p a t t e r n s of f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t have focused on the f o l l o w i n g themes (a) frequency of abuse, (b) 5 v i c t i m s age a t o n s e t o f a b u s e , (c) u s e o f f o r c e i n t h e f a t h e r -d a u g h t e r r e l a t i o n s h i p , (d) i m p a c t o f t h e i n c e s t on t h e d a u g h t e r a n d on t h e f a m i l y s t r u c t u r e , a n d (e) t h e r o l e o f t h e m o t h e r w i t h i n t h e i n c e s t u o u s f a m i l y . R u s s e l l (1986) f o u n d t h a t t h e e p i s o d i c f r e q u e n c y o f f a t h e r -d a u g h t e r i n c e s t c a n r a n g e a n y w h e r e f r o m o n c e t o o v e r t w e n t y t i m e s . O t h e r c l i n i c i a n s s u g g e s t t h a t i t i s e x t r e m e l y r a r e f o r f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t t o o c c u r o n l y o n c e ( e . g . , C a r n e s , 1 9 8 3 ) . The l a t t e r v i e w p o i n t s u g g e s t s t h a t when t h e r e i s a r e p o r t o f a s i n g l e i n c i d e n t o f a b u s e , i t i s h i g h l y l i k e l y t h a t t h e s u r v i v o r i s r e p r e s s i n g o t h e r i n s t a n c e s o f a b u s e . The i n c e s t u o u s a b u s e c a n s p a n a number o f y e a r s . The more f r e q u e n t t h e o c c u r r e n c e a n d t h e l o n g e r t h e d u r a t i o n o f t h e i n c e s t , t h e g r e a t e r t h e t r a u m a t o t h e v i c t i m ( C o u r t o i s , 1988; R u s s e l l ) . T h i s c o n c l u s i o n c l e a r l y s u g g e s t s a l i n e a r r e l a t i o n s h i p b e t w e e n t h e d u r a t i o n o f t h e a b u s e a n d t h e s e v e r i t y o f t h e i m p a c t u p o n t h e v i c t i m . R u s s e l l ' s (1986) s u r v e y r e s u l t s i n d i c a t e d t h a t t h e a v e r a g e age o f o n s e t f o r v i c t i m s o f f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t was 11.4 y e a r s . A c c o r d i n g t o t h i s s t u d y , t h e d u r a t i o n o f i n c e s t u o u s a b u s e was t y p i c a l l y b e t w e e n one a n d f i v e y e a r s . T h e r e i s d i s a g r e e m e n t among r e s e a r c h e r s c o n c e r n i n g t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p b e t w e e n t h e v i c t i m ' s age a t o n s e t a n d t h e i m p a c t o f t h e a b u s e ( C o u r t o i s , 1988; M e i s e l m a n , 1 9 7 8 ; P e t e r s , c i t e d i n C o u r t o i s , 1988) . Some r e s e a r c h e r s b e l i e v e t h a t t h e y o u n g e r t h e v i c t i m , t h e more t r a u m a t i c t h e e x p e r i e n c e ( e . g . , C o u r t o i s ; M e i s e l m a n ) . O t h e r r e s e a r c h e r s (Herman & S c h a t z o w , 1987) h a v e s u g g e s t e d t h a t t h e 6 younger age may p r o v i d e c h i l d v i c t i m s of sexual abuse wi t h some measure of i n s u l a t i o n from the s o c i e t a l stigma of s e x u a l abuse. Furthermore, t h i s i n s u l a t i o n i s b e l i e v e d to h e l p reduce the impact of the damage from b e i n g e x p e r i e n c e d by the v i c t i m s (Peters, c i t e d i n C o u r t o i s ) . Research f i n d i n g s do not r e p o r t a s p e c i f i c age at which ince s t u o u s abuse ends. Term i n a t i o n of the abuse i s dependent on s e v e r a l v a r i a b l e s i n c l u d i n g the v i c t i m ' s c a p a c i t y t o d i s c l o s e to an a d u l t who w i l l be s u p p o r t i v e and e f f e c t i v e i n h e l p i n g to stop the abuse from c o n t i n u i n g ( F i n k e l h o r , 1984; Herman, 1981; R u s s e l l , 1986; Summit, 1983). T y p i c a l l y , the f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t u o u s r e l a t i o n s h i p i s not marked by the use of p h y s i c a l f o r c e and v i o l e n c e ( R u s s e l l , 1986). U s u a l l y the ^ t h r e a t ' of f o r c e , coupled with the v i c t i m ' s dependence on the o f f e n d e r are s u f f i c i e n t t o guarantee her acquiescence. I f v i o l e n c e i s used, then the s e v e r i t y of the trauma i s o f t e n p r o p o r t i o n a t e to the amount of f o r c e or v i o l e n c e used ( C o u r t o i s , 1988). The damaging impact of f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t on the v i c t i m s has been a s s e r t e d and c o r r o b o r a t e d by many r e s e a r c h e r s and c l i n i c i a n s ( C o u r t o i s , 1988; F i n k e l h o r , 1986; Herman, 1981; Meiselman, 1978; R u s s e l l , 1986; Vander Mey & Neff, 1986). There i s t h e o r e t i c a l and c l i n i c a l evidence t o suggest t h a t the c l o s e r and s t r o n g e r the k i n s h i p between the v i c t i m and the o f f e n d e r , the more damaging the impact of the abuse on the v i c t i m ( C o u r t o i s ; F i n k e l h o r , 1984; Herman; Meiselman; R u s s e l l ; Summit, 1983). Researchers a s s e r t t h a t f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t i s the most 7 t r a u m a t i c form of i n c e s t (Herman; R u s s e l l ) , due p r i m a r i l y t o the s p e c i a l s i g n i f i c a n c e of the fat h e r - d a u g h t e r r e l a t i o n s h i p . F a t h e r -daughter i n c e s t a f f e c t s both the daughter's w e l f a r e and the f a m i l y s t r u c t u r e w i t h i n which the i n c e s t takes p l a c e ( G i a r r e t t o , 1976; Herman; R u s s e l l ) . R u s s e l l found t h a t the most severe damage and trauma were r e p o r t e d by the v i c t i m s of t h i s form of abuse. F i f t y - f o u r p e r c e n t of the women i n t h i s study who were abused by t h e i r f a t h e r s r e p o r t e d t h a t they c o n t i n u e d t o be extremely upset by the abuse. In comparison, 30% of women v i c t i m i z e d by t h e i r g r a n d f a t h e r s r e p o r t e d b e i n g extremely upset. Regarding the l o n g -term e f f e c t s of t h e i r abuse, 44% of the daughters r e p o r t e d b e i n g g r e a t l y a f f e c t e d , compared t o 10% of the granddaughters surveyed. Herman (1981) s t a t e s t h a t the unequal power dynamics i n h e r e n t i n the fa t h e r - d a u g h t e r dyad are g r o s s l y exceeded i n an inc e s t u o u s r e l a t i o n s h i p . T h i s d i s t o r t i o n of the f a t h e r ' s power over the daughter i s b e l i e v e d t o be most damaging t o the v i c t i m i z e d daughter. In Herman's view, the frequent occurrence of fa t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t u o u s abuse i s the extreme e x p r e s s i o n of c u l t u r a l l y s a n c t i o n e d gender-bound v i c t i m i z a t i o n of females by males. From t h i s p e r s p e c t i v e , the i n e v i t a b i l i t y of the d e s t r u c t i v e e f f e c t on the daughter i s due p r i m a r i l y t o the f a c t t h a t the fa t h e r - d a u g h t e r r e l a t i o n s h i p i s the most power-imbalanced r e l a t i o n s h i p p o s s i b l e i n a gender-biased s o c i e t y . Thus i t i s h y p o t h e s i z e d t h a t i n such a s o c i e t y , power i s a l l o c a t e d t o the a d u l t males while females are c o n s i d e r e d t o be s u b s e r v i e n t to the males (Herman, 1981). In a fat h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t u o u s 8 r e l a t i o n s h i p , t h e d a u g h t e r i s n o t a t l i b e r t y t o r e f u s e h e r f a t h e r ' s s e x u a l a d v a n c e s . As t h e d a u g h t e r ' s c a r e t a k e r , t h e f a t h e r ' s s e x u a l a d v a n c e s p u t t h e ' d a u g h t e r i n a p o s i t i o n i n w h i c h sh e i s f o r c e d t o p a y w i t h h e r b o d y f o r h i s c a r e a n d a f f e c t i o n . Herman (1981) p r o p o s e s t h a t t h e most d a m a g i n g i m p a c t o f i n c e s t d o e s n o t r e s i d e i n t h e s e x u a l a c t b u t i n t h e " . . . e x p l o i t a t i o n o f c h i l d r e n a n d c o r r u p t i o n o f p a t e r n a l l o v e " (p. 4 ) . T h i s t h e o r e t i c a l p e r s p e c t i v e i s c o r r o b o r a t e d by s e v e r a l o t h e r r e s e a r c h e r s o f c h i l d s e x u a l a b u s e ( B u t l e r , 1978; C o u r t o i s , 1988; F i n k e l h o r , 1984; R u s s e l l , 1986; W a l k e r , 1 9 8 8 ) . G i a r r e t t o (1976) d e s c r i b e s t h e d a m a g i n g i m p a c t o f f a t h e r -d a u g h t e r i n c e s t i n t e r m s o f t h e b l u r r i n g a n d p o s s i b l e d i s s o l u t i o n o f f a m i l y member r o l e s . F r om t h i s p e r s p e c t i v e , t h e o c c u r r e n c e o f t h e i n c e s t u o u s r e l a t i o n s h i p g e n e r a t e s s u f f i c i e n t s t r e s s w h i c h l e a d s t o c o n f l i c t a n d c o n f u s i o n among a l l members o f t h e f a m i l y u n i t . G i a r r e t t o a l s o s e e s t h e a b u s e d d a u g h t e r a s b e i n g t h e most a f f e c t e d a n d c o n f u s e d member o f t h e f a m i l y . The d a u g h t e r ' s e x p e r i e n c e o f t h e b e h a v i o u r o f b o t h o f h e r p a r e n t s t o w a r d h e r , i s b e l i e v e d t o be c o n t r a r y t o h e r e x p e c t a t i o n s a n d b e y o n d h e r c o m p r e h e n s i o n . The f a t h e r , whose r o l e i t i s t o s u p p o r t a n d p r o v i d e g u i d a n c e t o h i s d a u g h t e r , h a s t a k e n h e r a s h i s l o v e r . H e r e x p e r i e n c e o f h e r m o t h e r f r e q u e n t l y v a c i l l a t e s b e t w e e n t h e c a r i n g p a r e n t a n d a "... s u s p i c i o u s . . . r i v a l " ( G i a r r e t t o , 1976, p . 2 ) . The s i b l i n g s may a l s o be a w a r e o f a n d r e s e n t t h e d a u g h t e r ' s s p e c i a l r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h t h e f a t h e r . T h e r e f o r e , a c c o r d i n g t o G i a r r e t t o , f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t a f f e c t s t h e e n t i r e f a m i l y s t r u c t u r e a n d 9 underscores the i n t e r a c t i o n between f a m i l y members with h o s t i l i t y , s u s p i c i o n , and se c r e c y . The abused daughter i n e f f e c t becomes the "eye of the h u r r i c a n e " f o r the simmering chaos i n the f a m i l y . Other r e p o r t e d p o t e n t i a l long-term e f f e c t s on the v i c t i m s of fat h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t i n c l u d e d i s t u r b e d s e x u a l i t y ( B r i e r e & Runtz, 1985; Sedney & Brooks, 1984), d e p r e s s i o n (Cormier, Kennedy, & Sangowicz, 1962), somatic d i s t u r b a n c e s such as a n x i e t y a t t a c k s and s l e e p i n g d i f f i c u l t i e s ( B r i e r e , 1984; Sedney & Brooks) and d i s a s s o c i a t i o n ( B r i e r e & Runtz). Furthermore, s u r v i v o r s of ince s t u o u s abuse have been found t o experience n e g a t i v e s e l f -images ( B r i e r e & Runtz) and t o have d i f f i c u l t i e s with i n t e r p e r s o n a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s with both males and females ( B r i e r e & Runtz; C o u r t o i s , 1979; Herman, 1981; Meiselman, 1978; R u s s e l l , 1986; Wyatt & P e t e r s , 1986) . Many r e s e a r c h e r s of fat h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t have p a i d p a r t i c u l a r a t t e n t i o n t o the r o l e and f u n c t i o n of the mother i n inc e s t u o u s f a m i l i e s (Herman, 1981; F i n k e l h o r , 1984; L u s t i g , Dresser, Spellman & Murray, 1966; Machotka, Pittman & Flomenhaft, 1967; Mrazek & Bentovim, 1987; S g r o i & Dana, 1982). The r o l e s t h a t r e s e a r c h e r s have most o f t e n a s c r i b e d t o the mother are not a b l e i n t h e i r assignment of blame and c u l p a b i l i t y (Machotka et a l . ; S g r o i & Dana). The f o u r main c a t e g o r i e s of common hypotheses r e g a r d i n g the r o l e of the mother i n inc e s t u o u s f a m i l i e s are (a) the mother as the " . . . c e n t r a l member of a d y s f u n c t i o n a l f a m i l y system," 10 (Machotka et a l . , 1967, p. 100), (b) the mother as m a n i f e s t i n g p a r t i c u l a r p e r s o n a l i t y d i s t u r b a n c e s (Kaufman, Peck & T a i g u r i , 1954), (c) the mother as i n c a p a b l e of f u l f i l l i n g her spous a l and maternal r o l e s (Mrazek & Bentovim, 1982), and (d) the mother as bei n g c o l l u s i v e with the abusive f a t h e r and p r o v i d i n g o p p o r t u n i t i e s f o r the i n c e s t t o occur (Cammaert c i t e d i n Walker, 1988; M c l n t y r e , 1981). These c a t e g o r i e s are not n e c e s s a r i l y d i s t i n c t from and mutually e x c l u s i v e of each o t h e r . Researchers have p o r t r a y e d the mother as the "...cornerstone of a p a t h o l o g i c a l f a m i l y system" (Machotka et a l . , 1967, p. 100). The r e s e a r c h e r s a d v o c a t i n g t h i s framework view i n c e s t as a symptomatic e x p r e s s i o n of a d y s f u n c t i o n a l f a m i l y system ( L u s t i g et a l . , 1966; Maisch, 1973). L u s t i g et a l . , s t a t e t h a t i n some p a t h o l o g i c a l f a m i l i e s , i n c e s t a c t s t o reduce t e n s i o n and thus m a i n t a i n the homeostasis w i t h i n the f a m i l y s t r u c t u r e . Other r e s e a r c h e r s have d e s c r i b e d the mother i n the inc e s t u o u s f a m i l y as u s i n g m a s o c h i s t i c and desperate methods t o meet her own needs f o r a f f e c t i o n and t o deny her f e e l i n g s of worthlessness (Kaufman et a l . , 1954). The i m p l i c a t i o n of such a d e s c r i p t i o n i s t h a t these mothers possess c e r t a i n p e r s o n a l i t y c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s which somehow provoke t h e i r spouses t o s e x u a l l y abuse t h e i r daughters (Mclntyre, 1981). Other proponents of t h i s p e r s p e c t i v e h o l d the mother r e s p o n s i b l e f o r modeling the impaired communication p a t t e r n s which r e s e a r c h e r s suggest c h a r a c t e r i z e i n c e s t u o u s f a m i l i e s (Sgroi & Dana, 1982). S e v e r a l authors c l e a r l y suggest t h a t the mother f a i l s t o s t o p o r p r e v e n t t h e o n s e t a n d c o n t i n u a t i o n o f t h e i n c e s t u o u s r e l a t i o n s h i p i n s p i t e o f b e i n g c o n s c i o u s l y o r u n c o n s c i o u s l y a ware o f i t s e x i s t e n c e ( L u s t i g e t a l . , 1966; M a c h o t k a e t a l . , 1 9 6 7 ; M e i s e l m a n , 1978; S g r o i & Dana, 1 9 8 2 ) . W i t h i n t h i s f r a m e w o r k t h e m o t h e r i s b e l i e v e d t o be an o r c h e s t r a t o r i n t h e i n c e s t u o u s a f f a i r b e t w e e n t h e f a t h e r a n d d a u g h t e r . I t i s e v i d e n t t h a t r e s e a r c h e r s a n d c l i n i c i a n s v i e w t h e m o t h e r a s an i n t e g r a l p l a y e r i n t h e i n c e s t u o u s r e l a t i o n s h i p b e t w e e n t h e f a t h e r a n d t h e d a u g h t e r . However, r e s e a r c h on i n c e s t h a s f o c u s e d on m o t h e r s o n l y i n t e r m s o f t h e r o l e s d e s c r i b e d i n t h e p r e c e d i n g d i s c u s s i o n . The n a t u r e o f a n d t h e d y n a m i c s i n h e r e n t i n t h e m o t h e r - d a u g h t e r r e l a t i o n s h i p h a v e n o t b e e n e x p l o r e d i n i n c e s t s t u d i e s . A s a r e s u l t , l i t t l e i s known a b o u t t h e m o t h e r -d a u g h t e r r e l a t i o n s h i p a s i t i s e x p e r i e n c e d by b o t h p a r t i e s , d u r i n g t h e o c c u r r e n c e o f t h e i n c e s t o r f o l l o w i n g t h e t e r m i n a t i o n o f t h e i n c e s t . Some r e s e a r c h e r s p o s i t l i m i t e d d e s c r i p t i o n s o f t h e damaged m o t h e r - d a u g h t e r r e l a t i o n s h i p i n t h e g e n e s i s a n d m a i n t e n a n c e o f t h e f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t ( L u s t i g e t a l . , 1966; M a c h o t k a e t a l . ; M e i s e l m a n , 1978; M r a z e k & B e n t o v i m , 1987; S g r o i & Dana, 1 9 8 2 ) . F o r e x a m p l e , t h e s e r e s e a r c h e r s s u g g e s t t h a t t h e a l r e a d y damaged m o t h e r - d a u g h t e r r e l a t i o n s h i p p l a y s a p r e c u r s i v e r o l e i n t h e d e v e l o p m e n t o f t h e f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t u o u s r e l a t i o n s h i p . I n c o n t r a s t , o t h e r r e s e a r c h e r s s u g g e s t t h a t t h e damaged m o t h e r - d a u g h t e r r e l a t i o n s h i p may be b o t h a c o n c u r r e n t f a c t o r a n d a r e s u l t a n t f a c t o r o f t h e i n c e s t u o u s f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r r e l a t i o n s h i p ( F i n k e l h o r , 1984; Herman, 19 8 1 ; R u s s e l l , 1 9 8 6 ) . 12 A c c o r d i n g t o R u s s e l l , "...however the r e l a t i o n s h i p between the mother and daughter was b e f o r e , f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t i s l i k e l y t o completely and permanently r u i n i t " (p. 385). The c o n s i d e r a t i o n t h a t the damaged mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p i s not n e c e s s a r i l y the r e s u l t of the i n c e s t u o u s abuse i s o f t e n minimized or n e g l e c t e d by r e s e a r c h e r s . Numerous r e s e a r c h e r s (e.g., G i a r r e t t o , 1976; Herman, 1981; R u s s e l l , 1986; Summit, 1983) b e l i e v e t h a t the impaired mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p i s the r e s u l t of a v a r i e t y of c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s common to the f a m i l y s t r u c t u r e w i t h i n which i n c e s t takes p l a c e . For example, s e v e r a l r e s e a r c h e r s have d e s c r i b e d the i n c e s t u o u s f a m i l y s t r u c t u r e as father-dominated f a m i l y systems t h a t do not f o s t e r open communication between f a m i l y members ( F a l l e r , 1988, F i n k e l h o r , 1984; Herman; R u s s e l l ; Vander Mey & Neff, 1986). Another commonly c i t e d f a m i l y f a c t o r i s the p h y s i c a l i l l n e s s of the mother which can l e a d to the c h i l d r e n b e i n g a s s i g n e d i n a p p r o p r i a t e , a d u l t r o l e s ( C o u r t o i s , 1988; Herman). Furthermore, in c e s t u o u s f a t h e r s may e i t h e r take advantage of the absence of a s t r o n g mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p or are themselves i n s t r u m e n t a l i n c r e a t i n g a d i s t a n t r e l a t i o n s h i p between t h e i r wives and the daughters they s e x u a l l y abuse (Herman; Summit). R u s s e l l p o i n t s out t h a t i n c e s t u o u s f a t h e r s are adept at f o s t e r i n g a r i f t i n the mother-daughter bond to such a degree t h a t the s u r v i v o r s of i n c e s t o f t e n p l a c e a g r e a t e r degree of blame on the mother than on the abusive f a t h e r . These d i v e r g e n t v iewpoints s t r e s s the complex i n t e r a c t i o n s w i t h i n i n c e s t u o u s f a m i l y 13 s t r u c t u r e s . They a l s o serve to r e f l e c t the f a c t t h a t r e s e a r c h s t u d i e s have not yet s y s t e m a t i c a l l y e x p l o r e d the r e l a t i o n s h i p s w i t h i n these f a m i l y s t r u c t u r e s i n an e f f o r t t o understand how the members experi e n c e themselves and each other i n these f a m i l i e s . Purpose of the study Research i n t o f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t has focused on p r e v a l e n c e r a t e s , the impact of the i n c e s t on the daughter and the f a m i l y s t r u c t u r e , and the r o l e of the mother i n i n c e s t u o u s f a m i l i e s ( C o u r t o i s , 1988; F i n k e l h o r , 1986; Herman, 1981; R u s s e l l , 1986). The e x i s t i n g l i t e r a t u r e does not go beyond drawing c o n c l u s i o n s about the nature of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p from the hypotheses which e x i s t r e g a r d i n g the r o l e s the mother may p l a y i n the i n c e s t u o u s f a m i l y (e.g., G i a r r e t t o , 1976; Herman). In a d d i t i o n , d e s c r i p t i o n s of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p are l i m i t e d to the time when the i n c e s t was ongoing. The p r e - and p o s t - i n c e s t mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p remains almost completely unexplored. There i s however, g e n e r a l agreement t h a t the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p i n i n c e s t u o u s f a m i l i e s i s s e v e r e l y damaged (e.g., Herman; R u s s e l l ) . H e a l i n g of t h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p i s recommended as a primary g o a l i n the t h e r a p e u t i c treatment of i n c e s t s u r v i v o r s (Caplan, 1989; C o u r t o i s , 1988; Herman). However, l i t t l e i n f o r m a t i o n i s a v a i l a b l e on how the damaged mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p can be h e a l e d . The purpose of the present study i s to r e t r o s p e c t i v e l y e x p l o r e f i v e daughters' p e r c e p t i o n s of the nature of t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers, d u r i n g the occurrence of and subsequent t o the t e r m i n a t i o n of fa t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t . R e s u l t s from t h i s study may p r o v i d e some p r e l i m i n a r y i n s i g h t s i n t o both the p r e - and p o s t - i n c e s t p e r i o d s of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p . Furthermore, some daughters may d e s c r i b e p a r t i c u l a r "mechanisms" ( i . e . , p e r c e p t i o n s , experiences) which have c o n t r i b u t e d t o or f a c i l i t a t e d the h e a l i n g p rocess i n t h e i r damaged mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s . The e x p l o r a t i o n of t h i s p a r t i c u l a r f a m i l i a l r e l a t i o n s h i p has s i g n i f i c a n t c l i n i c a l and r e s e a r c h i m p l i c a t i o n s . There i s an abundance of l i t e r a t u r e on the importance of one's e a r l y maternal r e l a t i o n s h i p and the impact of t h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p on l a t e r development (Chodorow, 1978; D i n n e r s t e i n , 1976; M i l l e r , 1976; Rubin, 1983). As Rubin (1983) a s s e r t s , "...mothering i s an a l l embracing word. To be mothered i s t o be n u r t u r e d i n the most elemental sense" (p. 42). Although the i n c e s t l i t e r a t u r e has examined the r o l e of the mothers i n these f a m i l i e s , t h e r e has not been an e x p l o r a t i o n of the i n c e s t v i c t i m ' s e x p e r i e n c e or l a c k of experience of b e i n g mothered and the i m p l i c a t i o n s of t h a t e xperience. L i t t l e i s known about the dynamics of the abused daughter's r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h her mother and how each one of them experiences t h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p and i d e n t i f i e s the e f f e c t s t h e r e o f . S i g n i f i c a n c e of the study The themes i d e n t i f i e d by the daughters i n the pr e s e n t study may be s i m i l a r t o the experiences of other i n c e s t u o u s l y 15 v i c t i m i z e d women. The r e s u l t s may t h e r e f o r e prove h e l p f u l i n d i r e c t i n g r e s e a r c h t o ex p l o r e r e l a t i o n s h i p s between mothers and daughters. The p a r t i c i p a n t s ' s t o r i e s may a l s o serve as p o i n t s of departure f o r the development of t h e r a p e u t i c paradigms f o r other a d u l t women who were i n c e s t u o u s l y abused i n t h e i r c h i l d h o o d or adolescence. Furthermore, the f i n d i n g s may be of r e l e v a n c e i n working with mothers of i n c e s t s u r v i v o r s . Given t h a t the study i s e x p l o r a t o r y i n nature and t h a t t h e r e has been no r e s e a r c h f o c u s i n g s p e c i f i c a l l y on the post-abuse dynamics of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p i n in c e s t u o u s f a m i l i e s , t h i s study does not o f f e r any hypotheses f o r i t s f i n d i n g s . Chapter II L i t e r a t u r e Review S t u d i e s i n d i c a t e t h a t i n c e s t between b i o l o g i c a l f a t h e r s and t h e i r daughters i s the most p r e v a l e n t form of i n c e s t u o u s abuse ( F i n k e l h o r , 1984; Meiselman, 1978; R u s s e l l , 1986). There i s a l s o agreement among c u r r e n t r e s e a r c h e r s and c l i n i c i a n s t h a t t h i s form of i n c e s t i s the most t r a u m a t i c form of i n c e s t u o u s abuse f o r the v i c t i m s because i t c o r r u p t s the s p e c i a l bond between parent and c h i l d ( C o u r t o i s 1988; F i n k e l h o r ; Herman, 1981; Meiselman; R u s s e l l ) . In a d d i t i o n t o i t s h i g h r a t e of p r e v a l e n c e and the v i o l a t i o n of the s p e c i a l s i g n i f i c a n c e of the p a r e n t - c h i l d bond, r e s e a r c h e r s b e l i e v e t h a t f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t u o u s abuse has important i n f l u e n c e s on f a m i l i a l s t r u c t u r e and o r g a n i z a t i o n . T h e r e f o r e , r e s e a r c h e r s have u s u a l l y attempted t o e x p l a i n the phenomenon of f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t w i t h i n the context of the whole f a m i l y ' s s t r u c t u r e , dynamics and h i s t o r y (Cormier, Kennedy & Sangowicz, 1962; Herman & Hirschman, 1981; Kaufman, Peck & T a i g u r i , 1954; L u s t i g , Dresser, Spellman & Murray, 1966; Machotka, Pittman & Flomenhaft, 1967; Meiselman, 1978; Mrazek & Bentovim, 1987; S g r o i & Dana, 1982). These f a m i l y - f o c u s e d s t u d i e s have p a i d c o n s i d e r a b l e r e s e a r c h a t t e n t i o n t o the mother. R e s u l t s suggest t h a t the mother i s to be blamed f o r the g e n e s i s and maintenance of f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t (Cammaert, c i t e d i n Walker, 1988, Herman, 1981; Myer, 1985). S p e c i f i c a l l y , she i s p e r c e i v e d to have d r i v e n the f a t h e r t o the abuse ( L u s t i g et a l . , 1966). She i s a l s o c o n s i d e r e d p a r t l y r e s p o n s i b l e f o r the i n c e s t because she 17 o s t e n s i b l y f a i l e d t o perform her m a r i t a l and maternal d u t i e s and f o r c e d her daughter t o take on the maternal r o l e s and r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s . Furthermore, some r e s e a r c h e r s m a i n t a i n t h a t the mothers knew about, t o l e r a t e d or i n some cases, a c t i v e l y enjoyed the i n c e s t (e.g., Machotka et a l . , 1967). In sum, the p r o f e s s i o n a l l i t e r a t u r e on f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t has l a r g e l y d e s i g n a t e d the non-offending mother "...as the most c u l p a b l e i n d i v i d u a l e i t h e r through d e f a u l t or through d i r e c t involvment" (Mclntyre, 1981, p. 462). There are f o u r s t u d i e s which have r e p o r t e d on the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s s a i d t o be t y p i c a l of i n c e s t u o u s f a m i l i e s (Cormier et a l . , 1962; Kaufman et a l . , 1954; L u s t i g et a l . , 1966; Machotka et a l . , 1967). A b r i e f d e s c r i p t i o n of each study's purpose, sample and method w i l l be d i s c u s s e d f i r s t . The f i n d i n g s of these s t u d i e s w i l l be d i s c u s s e d i n the body of t h i s chapter. The f i n d i n g s o f f e r e d by the s t u d i e s have gone beyond the i n i t i a l purpose of each study. Each has proposed p r o f i l e s of the non - o f f e n d i n g mother even though t h a t might not have been the expressed i n t e n t of the study. These s t u d i e s do not f o l l o w any r i g o r o u s m e t h o d o l o g i c a l c r i t e r i o n and cannot be c o n s i d e r e d r e s e a r c h s t u d i e s as such. However, the f i n d i n g s r e p o r t e d and c o n c l u s i o n s p r e s e n t e d by these f o u r s t u d i e s have s i g n i f i c a n t l y i n f l u e n c e d r e s e a r c h f o r s e v e r a l decades. T h e r e f o r e , t h e i r c o n t r i b u t i o n s t o i n c e s t l i t e r a t u r e cannot be minimized. Cormier et a l . (1962) s t u d i e d 27 f a t h e r s who had been c o n v i c t e d of s e x u a l l y abusing t h e i r daughters. 21 of the s u b j e c t s 18 were i n p r i s o n and s i x were i n v o l v e d i n c o u r t ordered therapy at the time of the study. The r e s e a r c h e r s made a d i s t i n c t i o n between sexual i n t e r e s t and c a r r e s s e s by these men toward t h e i r daughters and the commission of i n c e s t , which i n the case of t h i s study, i n v o l v e d sexual p e n e t r a t i o n . The purpose of the study was t o "... d e a l w i t h the psychopathology of the f a t h e r " (p. 205) by e x p l o r i n g p e r s o n a l , s o c i a l , or m a r i t a l maladjustment t h a t l e d to the i n c e s t . The r e s e a r c h e r s h y p o t h e s i z e d t h a t "...an abnormal r e l a t i o n s h i p may develop between a f a t h e r and a daughter as husband and wife meet i n e v i t a b l e changes i n the c h i l d r e n and i n themselves" (Cormier et a l . , 1962, p. 205). The r e s e a r c h e r s do not o f f e r d e t a i l s on how i n f o r m a t i o n was o b t a i n e d from the s u b j e c t s . Kaufman et a l . (1954) s t u d i e d the " . . . f a m i l y r e l a t i o n s and c h a r a c t e r f o r m a t i o n i n cases where g i r l s have been i n v o l v e d i n i n c e s t u o u s r e l a t i o n s h i p s with f a t h e r , s t e p f a t h e r , g r a n d f a t h e r , f o s t e r f a t h e r or b r o t h e r " (p. 266). The sample c o n s i s t e d of 11 g i r l s who ranged i n age from 10 to 17 years o l d . The study was conducted at a treatment c e n t r e i n Boston and the g i r l s were r e f e r r e d t o the r e s e a r c h e r s f o r c o u r t - o r d e r e d treatment. The reasons f o r the g i r l s ' r e f e r r a l are not e x p l i c a t e d . The p e r i o d of c o n t a c t between the r e s e a r c h e r s and the s u b j e c t s ranged from f i v e i n t e r v i e w s t o two years of continuous treatment. The focus of the i n t e r v i e w s or the treatment are not o u t l i n e d by the authors. The r e s e a r c h e r s a l l u d e t o s t u d y i n g the parents and then q u a l i f y t h i s by s t a t i n g t h a t "...we had no c o n t a c t with the f a t h e r s " (p. 268). 19 Most of t h e i r " i n f o r m a t i o n " i s based on the r e s e a r c h e r s ' impressions of the mothers of the g i r l s . L u s t i g et a l . (1966) s t u d i e d the c o n s t e l l a t i o n of s i x i n c e s t u o u s f a m i l i e s . They h y p o t h e s i z e d t h a t " . . . i n c e s t i s a w e l l -o r g a n i z e d t r a n s a c t i o n a l p a t t e r n of f u n c t i o n a l s i g n i f i c a n c e ....[which i s ] one of many s o c i a l l y d e v i a n t behaviour p a t t e r n s ....employed by a d y s f u n c t i o n a l f a m i l y i n the maintenance of i t s own i n t e g r i t y and e x i s t e n c e (p. 3 2 ) . The study does not appear to have been conducted with any r i g o r o u s r e s e a r c h standards. Instead, i t c o n s i s t s of the authors' " . . . c l i n i c a l o b s e r v a t i o n s and a s e r i e s of s t a f f d i s c u s s i o n s " (p. 3 1 ) . Machotka et a l . (1967) p r e s e n t t h r e e case s t u d i e s of i n c e s t u o u s f a m i l i e s at a f a m i l y treatment c e n t r e f o r acute p s y c h i a t r i c p a t i e n t s . The r e s e a r c h e r s were i n v o l v e d i n a t h e r a p e u t i c r e l a t i o n s h i p with the t h r e e f a m i l i e s s t u d i e d . The g o a l of therapy was t o r e u n i t e the f a m i l y t o i t ' s " . . . p r e c r i s i s f u n c t i o n i n g by e x p l o r i n g the o b s t a c l e s and....where p o s s i b l e , [ n e g o t i a i n g and removing] them" ( p . 9 9 ) . Mostly on the b a s i s of the f i n d i n g s o f f e r e d by the above f o u r s t u d i e s , the l i t e r a t u r e on i n c e s t o f f e r s f o u r p r o f i l e s of the mother t h a t serve to e x p l a i n her a c t i o n s and i n a c t i o n s i n the i n c e s t u o u s f a m i l y . In terms of the f i r s t p r o f i l e , the i n c e s t u o u s f a m i l y i s b e l i e v e d t o be p a t h o l o g i c a l and the "...mother i s the c o r n e r s t o n e of a p a t h o l o g i c a l f a m i l y system (Machotka et a l . 1967, p. 1 0 0 ) . L u s t i g et a l . (1966) view i n c e s t w i t h i n a t r a n s a c t i o n a l framework and suggest t h a t the i n c e s t between the 20 f a t h e r and the daughter i s a symptomatic m a n i f e s t a t i o n of f a m i l y d i s t u r b a n c e . The f u n c t i o n of t h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p between the f a t h e r and the daughter i s to reduce the t e n s i o n s w i t h i n t h i s d i s t u r b e d f a m i l y system. The second p r o f i l e of the mother views her as a d i s t u r b e d p e r s o n a l i t y with a pronounced l a c k of s k i l l s t o r e s o l v e p e r s o n a l d i f f i c u l t i e s . She has been d e s c r i b e d as "...hard, c a r e l e s s i n dress, i n f a n t i l e , extremely dependent, i n t e l l e c t u a l l y d u l l , poor housekeeper, panicky i n the face of r e s p o n s i b i l i t y , and s a t i s f i e d t o l i v e i n d i s o r d e r and poverty (Kaufman et a l . , 1954, p.269). Researchers s u b s c r i b i n g t o t h i s view of the mother propose t h a t the mother e x p e r i e n c e d maternal n e g l e c t and abandonment i n her c h i l d h o o d . Her r e s u l t a n t dependency and s t r o n g need t o be mothered remain u n r e s o l v e d . In her desperate attempts t o s a t i s f y her need f o r a f f e c t i o n , the mother "...manipulates [her] daughter i n t o changing p l a c e s with [her]....and a s s i g n s her the maternal r o l e " (Kaufman et a l . , p. 278). The mother i s b e l i e v e d t o p l a c e the daughter i n t h i s r o l e i n order t o assuage her own u n r e s o l v e d c o n f l i c t s . T h i s l e a d s the f a t h e r t o experience p a t h o l o g i c a l " l o v e " toward h i s daughter which u l t i m a t e l y r e s u l t s i n the fa t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t u o u s r e l a t i o n s h i p . F u r t h e r maternal c u l p a b i l i t y i n v o l v e s a d i f f e r e n t l y m o tivated mother-daughter r o l e - r e v e r s a l . Here the r o l e - r e v e r s a l may be the r e s u l t of the mother's i l l n e s s or her employment o u t s i d e of the home. Her absence may n e c e s s i t a t e t h a t the daughter take over some household r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s . S e v e r a l r e s e a r c h e r s b e l i e v e t h a t the daughter e v e n t u a l l y becomes the "mother" i n the home i n c l u d i n g f u n c t i o n i n g as her sexual s u r r o g a t e (Kaufman et a l . , 1954; S g r o i & Dana, 1982). In such cases, the mother i s b e l i e v e d t o have a b d i c a t e d her r i g h t f u l r o l e s o f both w i f e t o her husband and mother t o her c h i l d (Kaufman et a l . ; Mayer, 1983; S g r o i & Dana). Thus, the mother, by her absence from the home, i s h e l d r e s p o n s i b l e f o r having l e f t her daughter u n p r o t e c t e d from the advances of her u n f u l f i l l e d husband. T h i r d l y , by n e g l e c t i n g t o f u l f i l l her spousal and maternal r o l e s , the mother i s b e l i e v e d t o d r i v e her husband and daughter to the i n c e s t u o u s r e l a t i o n s h i p (Cormier, et a l . , 1962; Kaufman et a l . , 1954; S g r o i & Dana, 1982). These r e s e a r c h e r s found many of the wives of the inces t u o u s husbands t o be "...not o n l y f r i g i d , but h o s t i l e and u n l o v i n g women.... Some never denied t h e i r husbands and were d e s c r i b e d by them as good wives, but the [m a r i t a l ] r e l a t i o n s h i p was u n g r a t i f y i n g because of the i n a b i l i t y of the wives t o respond" (Cormier et a l . , p. 207). The i m p l i c a t i o n i s t h a t even when the wife f u l f i l l s her sexual r o l e , her i n a b i l i t y t o s u f f i c i e n t l y s a t i s f y her husband f o r c e s him to look f o r sexual s a t i s f a c t i o n elsewhere, namely with the daughter. The f o u r t h p r o f i l e p r e s e n t s the mothers i n i n c e s t u o u s f a m i l i e s as b e i n g c o l l u s i v e with the f a t h e r , or otherwise aware of the i n c e s t but f a i l i n g t o terminate i t ( L u s t i g et a l . , 1966; Machotka et a l . , 1967, Meiselman, 1978, S g r o i & Dana, 1982). The i n c e s t i s b e l i e v e d t o have o r i g i n a t e d and co n t i n u e d over time b e c a u s e t h e m o t h e r d e n i e d i t s e x i s t e n c e . H e r d e n i a l o p e r a t e s t o p r o t e c t h e r s e l f b e c a u s e " . . . s o m e t i m e s s h e h e r s e l f h a s h a d a h a n d i n u n c o n s c i o u s l y s e t t i n g up t h e i n c e s t s i t u a t i o n a n d w i s h e s i t t o c o n t i n u e " ( M e i s e l m a n , p. 1 6 9 ) . F u r t h e r m o r e , t h e s e r e s e a r c h e r s c o n s i d e r t h a t t h e m o t h e r , t h o u g h n o t o v e r t l y i n v o l v e d i n t h e i n c e s t , i s r e s p o n s i b l e f o r t h e g e n e s i s a n d m a i n t e n a n c e o f t h e f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t b y " . . . h e r u n c o n s c i o u s p a r t i c i p a t i o n a n d / o r s a n c t i o n " ( L u s t i g e t a l . , p. 3 2 ) . E v e n t h o u g h s h e d o e s n o t p l a y a n y d e m o n s t r a b l e o r a c t i v e r o l e i n t h e i n c e s t , s h e i s h e l d r e s p o n s i b l e f o r h e r p e r c e i v e d f a i l u r e t o p r e v e n t o r t e r m i n a t e t h e s p e c i a l r e l a t i o n s h i p t h a t d e v e l o p s b e t w e e n h e r h u s b a n d a n d h e r d a u g h t e r . A s s u c h , s h e i s c o n s i d e r e d t o h a v e " s e t up" t h e f a t h e r -d a u g h t e r i n c e s t . The r e s e a r c h e r s s u g g e s t t h a t t h r o u g h a r e v e r s a l o f r o l e s a n d ego f u s i o n b e t w e e n m o t h e r a n d d a u g h t e r , t h e m o t h e r t a c i t l y " o f f e r s " t h e d a u g h t e r t o t h e f a t h e r . T h u s , t h e m o t h e r , w i t h h e r u n c o n s c i o u s a p p r o v a l , e m p l o y s t h e f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t u o u s r e l a t i o n s h i p t o p r e v e n t t h e c o m p l e t e d i s i n t e g r a t i o n o f t h e a l r e a d y d i s t u r b e d f a m i l y s y s t e m . T h e s e f o u r p r o f i l e s o f t h e m o t h e r a r e n o t a b l e i n t h e i r r e p r e s e n t a t i o n o f h e r as a " . . . p r i m a r y c a u s e a n d / o r f a c i l i t a t o r o f [ f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r ] i n c e s t " (Cammaert, c i t e d i n W a l k e r , 1988, p. 3 1 1 ) . R e s e a r c h e r s r e p o r t i n g t h e m o t h e r as t h e r e s p o n s i b l e f a m i l y member s u b s c r i b e t o t h e t r a d i t i o n a l v i e w s o f m o t h e r s who a s t h e p r i m a r y c a r e g i v e r s t o t h e i r c h i l d r e n , a r e e x p e c t e d t o be n u r t u r i n g , l o v i n g , s u p p o r t i v e a n d p r o t e c t i v e a t a l l t i m e s (Myer, 1 9 8 5 ) . W i t h s u c h a n a r r o w d e f i n i t i o n o f t h e m o t h e r ' s r o l e s a n d 23 r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s , r e s e a r c h on i n c e s t u o u s f a m i l i e s t o date has f a i l e d t o f u l l y e x p l o r e the dynamics and the r a m i f i c a t i o n s of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p . Along with the mother, the v i c t i m i z e d daughter has o f t e n been p o r t r a y e d i n the l i t e r a t u r e as the second c u l p r i t i n the i n c e s t (Herman, 1981). Researchers have d e s c r i b e d her i n the r o l e of the "seductive...nymphet" (Herman, p.39). L i k e her mother, the daughter i s b e l i e v e d t o be d r i v e n by her need f o r a t t e n t i o n and a f f e c t i o n . In her desperate e f f o r t s t o meet these needs, she e ntangles the f a t h e r i n a sexual r e l a t i o n s h i p : The daughters c o l l u d e i n the i n c e s t u o u s l i a s i o n and p l a y an a c t i v e r o l e and even i n i t i a t i n g r o l e i n e s t a b l i s h i n g the p a t t e r n . The g i r l s may be f r i g h t e n e d or l o n e l y and welcome t h e i r f a t h e r s ' advances as e x p r e s s i o n of p a r e n t a l l o v e . The i n c e s t u o u s a c t i v i t y o f t e n continues u n t i l i t i s d i s c o v e r e d , and the g i r l s do not act as though they were i n j u r e d . . . . L i k e her mother, the i n c e s t u o u s daughter i s u n l i k e l y t o r e p o r t the l i a s i o n or t o p r o t e s t about i t . I f she e v e n t u a l l y does, i t i s as much p r e c i p i t a t e d by anger at her f a t h e r f o r something e l s e or j e a l o u s y of h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p with another woman, as a r e a l o b j e c t i o n to h i s i n c e s t u o u s behaviour (Henderson, c i t e d i n Herman, 1981, p. 40). In t h e i r study of 27 i n c e s t o f f e n d e r s and t h e i r f a m i l i e s , Cormier et a l . (1962) accept the o f f e n d e r s ' d e s c r i p t i o n s of t h e i r daughters as " . . . p r o v o c a t i v e , or i n any event w i l l i n g " (p. 206). These r e s e a r c h e r s a l s o suggest t h a t the daughters assented t o the i n c e s t out of a sense of r i v a l r y with the mothers. Other r e s e a r c h e r s have d e s c r i b e d the abused daughters as m e n t a l l y i n f e r i o r , depressed, g u i l t y and anxious (Kaufman et a l . , 1954; L u s t i g et a l . , 1966). L u s t i g et a l . s t a t e t h a t the daughter's g u i l t i s r e l a t e d t o the t h r e a t of the impending f a m i l y d i s i n t e g r a t i o n f o l l o w i n g d i s c l o s u r e r a t h e r than the i n c e s t u o u s r e l a t i o n s h i p i t s e l f . As with the d e s c r i p t i o n of the mother, the daughter i s s a i d t o engage i n the incestuous r e l a t i o n s h i p with her f a t h e r as a way to a v o i d d i s s o l u t i o n of the a l r e a d y s t r e s s e d f a m i l y u n i t . Thus, the m a j o r i t y of p u b l i s h e d s t u d i e s of i n c e s t p o r t r a y the mothers and the daughters as the d i s t u r b e d f a m i l y members who are a c t i v e agents i n the f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t u o u s r e l a t i o n s h i p s . I t i s important to note t h a t the s t u d i e s which t h r e e or f o u r decades ago were p o s s i b l y p i o n e e r i n g and ground-b r e a k i n g (Cormier et a l . , 1962; Kaufman et a l . , 1954; L u s t i g et a l . , 1966; Machotka et a l . , 1967) continue to be accepted as hypotheses or foundations f o r more recent r e s e a r c h and i n t e r p r e t a t i o n of f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t (e.g., Henderson, 1975, c i t e d i n Herman, 1981; Meiselman, 1978; Mrazek & Bentovim, 1987; S g r o i & Dana, 1982). As a r e s u l t , t h e r e i s a p a u c i t y of i n f o r m a t i o n on the dynamics of f a m i l i a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n i n c e s t u o u s f a m i l i e s . S t u d i e s a l s o r e t a i n a dated and s t e r e o t y p e d focus on the r o l e s of i n d i v i d u a l f a m i l y members. T h i s focus on f a m i l y r o l e s has l e d r e s e a r c h e r s to continue s t u d y i n g the i n c e s t u o u s f a m i l y i n i s o l a t i o n of i t s l a r g e r c u l t u r a l and s o c i a l 2 5 c o n t e x t s . The i m p l i c a t i o n s of t h i s r e s e a r c h approach are s i g n i f i c a n t because the mother and the abused daughter are s t i l l c o n s i d e r e d r e s p o n s i b l e f o r the d y s f u n c t i o n a l i t y of the abusive husband and f a t h e r . In sum, c u r r e n t r e s e a r c h on i n c e s t u o u s f a m i l i e s c o n t i n u e s t o scapegoat the mother and the abused daughter who i n r e a l i t y are the v i c t i m i z e d f a m i l y members. The assignment of c u l p a b i l i t y t o both the mother and the daughter s i g n i f i c a n t l y d i m i n i s h e s the r e a l r e s p o n s i b i l i t y of the abusive f a t h e r (Cotroneo, c i t e d i n Braverman, 1988; F i n k e l h o r , 1984; Herman, 1981; R u s s e l l , 1986). The dominant view of the non-o f f e n d i n g mother as the most c u l p a b l e f a m i l y member has been employed by r e s e a r c h e r s t o minimize the r e s p o n s i b i l i t y of the abusive f a t h e r . Machotka et a l . (1967) e m p h a t i c a l l y s t a t e t h a t the " . . . n o n - p a r t i c i p a t i n g [mother's] d e n i a l should be viewed as s e r v i n g t o keep from [the abuser's] awareness h i s r o l e i n the matter" (p. 100). Furthermore, the a c c u s a t i o n s compound the shame and g u i l t a l r e a d y e x p e r i e n c e d by both the mother and the daughter. U l t i m a t e l y , both women's g u i l t c o n t r i b u t e s t o maintenance of the secrecy around the i n c e s t and compounds the damage on the i n d i v i d u a l members as w e l l as the s t r u c t u r e of these f a m i l i e s . In an e f f o r t t o overcome the weaknesses of the above s t u d i e s , Herman and Hirschman (1977) attempted t o examine and e x p l a i n f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t as a phenomenon i n a p a t r i a r c h a l s o c i e t y . They i n c l u d e d a c l i n i c a l case study of 15 a d u l t daughters who ex p e r i e n c e d c h i l d h o o d i n c e s t by t h e i r f a t h e r s . 26 Seven of the women were c l i e n t s of the r e s e a r c h e r s and the remaining e i g h t were c l i e n t s i n treatment with other t h e r a p i s t s . "...No s y s t e m a t i c c a s e - f i n d i n g e f f o r t was made; the authors simply q u e s t i o n e d those p r a c t i t i o n e r s who were best known t o us through an i n f o r m a l network of female p r o f e s s i o n a l s " (p. 742). T h i s i s the on l y p u b l i s h e d study t h a t r e p o r t s on a number of s p e c i f i c dynamics t h a t a f f e c t the nature of mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n ince s t u o u s f a m i l i e s . These r e s e a r c h e r s r e p o r t s e v e r a l s i g n i f i c a n t f i n d i n g s about i n c e s t u o u s l y abused daughters' r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers. In e x p l o r i n g the i n c e s t u o u s f a m i l y c o n s t e l l a t i o n of the study's sample, these r e s e a r c h e r s c o n c u r r e d with p r e v i o u s f i n d i n g s which r e p o r t t h a t the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s w i t h i n these f a m i l i e s were i n v a r i a b l y e s t r a n g e d (Kaufman et a l . , 1954; L u s t i g et a l . , 1966). However, t h i s estrangement "...preceded the occurrence of the o v e r t i n c e s t " (p. 745). Herman and Hirschman (1977) do not e l a b o r a t e on or i d e n t i f y what a t t r i b u t e d t o the damaged r e l a t i o n s h i p s . Nor do they d i s c u s s i f and how the tone of the r e l a t i o n s h i p s changed once the i n c e s t was a r e a l i t y i n the l i v e s of the daughters. A l a r g e percentage of the daughters r e p o r t e d t h a t t h e i r mothers were p h y s i c a l l y i n c a p a c i t a t e d or m e n t a l l y u n s t a b l e . A l c o h o l i s m was a l s o a common problem f o r many of these mothers. As a r e s u l t of the p h y s i c a l d i s a b i l i t i e s e x p e r i e n c e d by many of these mothers, the household r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s t r a d i t i o n a l l y taken care of by these women were o f t e n t r a n s f e r r e d t o the o l d e s t daughters i n these f a m i l i e s . T h i s f i n d i n g i s a l s o i n agreement 27 with s e v e r a l other s t u d i e s (Kaufman et a l . , 1954; S g r o i & Dana, 1982). However, u n l i k e the c o n c l u s i o n s proposed by the p r e v i o u s r e s e a r c h e r s , the daughters i n t h i s study d i d not r e p o r t e x p e r i e n c i n g t h e i r mothers t o have a b d i c a t e d t h e i r s exual r o l e s and " o f f e r e d " the daughters t o t h e i r husbands. Instead, these daughters e x p e r i e n c e d t h e i r mothers as " . . . f r a i l , downtrodden v i c t i m s who were unable t o take care of themselves, much l e s s p r o t e c t t h e i r c h i l d r e n " (p. 745). S e v e r a l of these mothers h a b i t u a l l y shared c o n f i d e n c e s with t h e i r daughters. For' t h e i r p a r t s , the daughters d i d not f e e l t h a t they c o u l d s i m i l a r l y c o n f i d e i n t h e i r mothers and r e p o r t e d themselves e s p e c i a l l y unable t o t u r n t o t h e i r mothers f o r support once t h e i r f a t h e r s became sexual with them. Many of the daughters r e p o r t e d t h a t t h e i r mothers themselves were v i c t i m s of abuse. The r e s e a r c h e r s do not e l a b o r a t e on whether the daughters e x p e r i e n c e d t h e i r mothers t o be v i c t i m s of spousal abuse or i f they had knowledge of t h e i r mothers' c h i l d h o o d sexual abuse. At any r a t e , the v i c t i m stance of these mothers were ex p e r i e n c e d by t h e i r daughters as a s t r o n g i n d i c a t i o n of the mothers' i n a b i l i t y t o e f f e c t i v e l y p r o t e c t t h e i r daughters from t h e i r i n c e s t u o u s f a t h e r s . The daughters a l s o r e p o r t e d t h a t they b e l i e v e d t h e i r mothers would s a c r i f i c e the w e l l - b e i n g of the daughters i n order t o p r o t e c t t h e i r husbands. Since the e x p l o r a t i o n of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p was not the expressed focus of the study (Herman & Hirschman, 1977), the f i n d i n g s about the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p are 28 l i m i t e d a n d a r e n o t e x t e n s i v e l y e l a b o r a t e d u p o n by t h e r e s e a r c h e r s . However, t h e s e r e s e a r c h e r s i d e n t i f y t h e theme o f m a t e r n a l abandonment a s a common e x p e r i e n c e i n t h e l i v e s o f t h e i n c e s t u o u s l y a b u s e d d a u g h t e r s . They a l s o r e c o g n i z e t h a t t h e m o t h e r ' s r o l e i n t h e g e n e s i s a n d m a i n t e n a n c e o f f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t i s an i m p o r t a n t i s s u e . However, i n c o n t r a s t t o most s t u d i e s o f t h e m o t h e r ' s r o l e , t h i s s t u d y r e p o r t s t h e o p p r e s s i o n o f t h e m o t h e r a s a n o t h e r i m p o r t a n t component o f i n c e s t u o u s f a m i l i e s a n d s t a t e s t h a t " . . . m a t e r n a l c o l l u s i o n i n i n c e s t , when i t o c c u r s , i s a m e a s u r e o f m a t e r n a l p o w e r l e s s n e s s (Herman, p. 49) . An e x a m i n a t i o n o f t h e e x i s t i n g l i t e r a t u r e on i n c e s t c l e a r l y d e m o n s t r a t e s t h e s u r p r i s i n g l a c k o f any s y s t e m a t i c a n d o b j e c t i v e e x p l o r a t i o n o f t h e i n c e s t u o u s f a m i l y s t r u c t u r e . As a r e s u l t , t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p s t h a t a r e d e v e l o p e d a n d m a i n t a i n e d w i t h i n t h e s e f a m i l y s t r u c t u r e s h a v e n o t y e t b e e n m e a n i n g f u l l y e x p l o r e d u n d e r s t o o d . However, t h e r e h a v e b e e n s t r o n g a n d b i a s e d o p i n i o n s a b o u t t h e m o t h e r a n d t h e a b u s e d d a u g h t e r w h i c h h a v e g u i d e d r e s e a r c h a n d p r a c t i c e f o r t h e p a s t s e v e r a l d e c a d e s . A s s u c h , t h e s e s t u d i e s h a v e l i k e l y h e l p e d t o m a i n t a i n t h e v i c t i m ' s s t i g m a a r o u n d i n c e s t u o u s a b u s e . U l t i m a t e l y , t h e f i n d i n g s o f s u c h s t u d i e s h a v e s e r v e d t o p e r p e t u a t e a n d j u s t i f y t h e s o c i e t a l a t t i t u d e o f " b l a m i n g t h e v i c t i m " (Herman, 1 9 8 1 ; Herman & H i r s c h m a n , 1977; F i n k e l h o r , 1986; R u s s e l l , 1986; W a l k e r , 1988) . Chapter I I I Methodology Q u a l i t a t i v e Method The phenomenon under e x p l o r a t i o n i n t h i s study was f i v e daughters' e x p e r i e n c e s of t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers d u r i n g the occurrence of, and f o l l o w i n g the t e r m i n a t i o n of, each daughter's i n c e s t u o u s abuse by her b i o l o g i c a l f a t h e r . To date, t h e r e are no data t h a t focus s p e c i f i c a l l y on the dynamics of mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s . Since t h e r e i s such l i t t l e knowledge about the phenomenon under e x p l o r a t i o n , the methodology s e l e c t e d needed t o allow the e x p l o r a t i o n of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p so as t o p r o v i d e d e s c r i p t i o n s which w i l l s e n s i t i z e o ther r e s e a r c h e r s and c l i n i c i a n s t o the nature and meaning of the e x p e r i e n c e s a r t i c u l a t e d by the p a r t i c i p a n t s . The f i n d i n g s may f u n c t i o n t o serve as f o u n d a t i o n toward the c o n s t r u c t i o n of f u t u r e theory and i n s t r u m e n t a t i o n ( G i o r g i , 1985). A q u a l i t a t i v e paradigm such as phenomenology was p a r t i c u l a r l y s u i t a b l e and v a l u a b l e as a method of i n q u i r y s i n c e expressed purpose of t h i s method i s t o do j u s t i c e t o the " . . . l i v e d aspects of human phenomena and t o do so, one f i r s t has t o know how someone a c t u a l l y e x p e r i e n c e d what has been l i v e d " ( G i o r g i , p. 1). The g o a l of t h i s n a t u r a l i s t i c i n q u i r y i s t o attempt t o d i s c o v e r and account f o r the presence of meanings i n the d e s c r i p t i o n s of the l i v e d e x p e r i e n c e s . Therefore, a q u a l i t a t i v e paradigm i s e s p e c i a l l y a p p r o p r i a t e when t h e r e e x i s t s scant knowledge about a phenomenon or when the l i t e r a t u r e i s r e p l e t e with b i a s e s or omissions about what i s known ( G i o r g i , 30 1985). At p r e s e n t , such i s the case with the r e l a t i o n s h i p between no n - o f f e n d i n g mothers and t h e i r i n c e s t u o u s l y v i c t i m i z e d daughters. A l o g i c a l s t a r t i n g p o i n t was t h e r e f o r e a d i a l o g u e with the daughters r e g a r d i n g t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers i n l i g h t of the i n c e s t u o u s abuse by t h e i r f a t h e r s . In order t o r e p o r t daughters' p e r c e p t i o n s of t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers, t h i s d i a l o g u e needed to be e x p l o r a t o r y and d e s c r i p t i v e . The focus of the d i a l o g u e was on d i s c o v e r i n g the essence of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p as i t was e x p e r i e n c e d d u r i n g the i n c e s t and a f t e r the t e r m i n a t i o n of the i n c e s t . S p e c i f i c a l l y , the d i a l o g u e e x p l o r e d the daughter's p e r c e p t i o n s and e x p e r i e n c e s of the dynamics of her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother. The g u i d i n g theme of t h i s form of i n q u i r y i s t o d i s c o v e r and s y s t e m a t i z e meanings by going "...back to the t h i n g s themselves" (Husserl, quoted i n G i o r g i , 1985, p. 9). The s y n t h e s i z a t i o n of the "meaning u n i t s " ( G i o r g i , p. 10), p r o v i d e d a c o n s i s t e n t statement about the s u b j e c t s ' e x p e r i e n c e s and made up the s t r u c t u r e of experience t h a t was b e i n g e x p l o r e d and d e s c r i b e d . The s t r u c t u r e or the e s s e n t i a l meaning of phenomenon, i s a b a s i c f o u n d a t i o n a l concept i n phenomenology ( G i o r g i , 1985; V a l l e & King, 1978). The themes e x p l o r e d i n t h i s study were not c o n f i n e d t o the p r e - r e f l e c t i v e or "pure phenomenological" themes and e x p e r i e n c e s . Rather, the focus was on the commonalities of themes as these emerged i n the p a r t i c i p a n t s ' r e f l e c t i o n s of s i t u a t i o n s and p e r c e p t i o n s . Sample The r e s e a r c h sample of t h i s study c o n s i s t e d of f i v e a d u l t females, over 18 years of age, who were i n c e s t u o u s l y abused by t h e i r b i o l o g i c a l f a t h e r s i n t h e i r c h i l d h o o d and/or adolescence. The sample s i z e was c o n f i n e d t o f i v e women i n order t o f a c i l i t a t e t r a n s c r i p t i o n and in-dept h a n a l y s i s of e n t i r e i n t e r v i e w s p r o v i d e d by each p a r t i c i p a n t . The ages of the f i v e women were 27, 28, 29, 32 and 34. The inc e s t u o u s abuse was not ongoing i n these women's l i v e s at the time of the i n t e r v i e w s . T h i s was an important c o n s i d e r a t i o n because one of the o b j e c t i v e s of the study was to s o l i c i t the women's d e s c r i p t i o n s of t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers a f t e r the i n c e s t stopped. In a d d i t i o n , i n c e s t u o u s abuse had not o c c u r r e d as a s i n g l e episode i n the l i v e s of these women but had v a r i e d i n d u r a t i o n from approximately 5 t o 25 year s . The e x i s t i n g l i t e r a t u r e suggests t h a t i t i s extremely r a r e f o r f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t t o occur as a s i n g l e episode (e.g., Carnes, 1983). Therefore, examining s i n g l e episodes of in c e s t u o u s c o n t a c t between f a t h e r s and daughters would not be r e p r e s e n t a t i v e of the expe r i e n c e s of the vast m a j o r i t y of i n c e s t v i c t i m s . A l l f i v e p a r t i c i p a n t s were c u r r e n t l y engaged i n therapy. T h i s was i n c l u d e d as a c r i t e r i o n so t h a t t h e r e would be c o n s i s t e n c y among the p a r t c i p a n t s . Furthermore, the s u b j e c t matter and the i n t e r v i e w format might have c o n t r i b u t e d t o the p a r t i c i p a n t s ' p e r c e p t i o n s of the r e s e a r c h e r as a t h e r a p i s t . In order t o saf e g u a r d a g a i n s t t h a t p o s s i b i l i t y w h i le s t i l l a t t e n d i n g to the p o s s i b l e needs of the s u b j e c t s , the study r e c r u i t e d women who were c l i e n t s i n therapy. 32 Procedure The r e s e a r c h e r c o n t a c t e d l o c a l t h e r a p i s t s who work with a d u l t women who had been i n c e s t u o u s l y abused by t h e i r f a t h e r s . A w r i t t e n request (Appendix A) was made of these t h e r a p i s t s t o co n t a c t c l i e n t s who met the s u b j e c t s e l e c t i o n c r i t e r i a . The t h e r a p i s t s were asked t o make the i n i t i a l c o n t a c t with the c l i e n t s and t o o u t l i n e the e s s e n t i a l aspects of the r e s e a r c h p r o j e c t t o p r o s p e c t i v e p a r t i c i p a n t s u s i n g a prepared w r i t t e n summary of the purpose and procedures of the r e s e a r c h (Appendix B). When a c l i e n t i n d i c a t e d i n t e r e s t i n the study, the t h e r a p i s t s i n v i t e d the c l i e n t t o con t a c t the r e s e a r c h e r by telephone. Upon be i n g c o n t a c t e d by the p a r t i c i p a n t , the r e s e a r c h e r reviewed the o b j e c t i v e s of the study and the p a r t i c i p a t i o n requirements and determined i f the s u b j e c t s met the s e l e c t i o n c r i t e r i a . Arrangements were then made with each p a r t i c i p a n t t o meet with the r e s e a r c h e r f o r an in-dept h i n t e r v i e w , at a mutually agreed upon p r i v a t e l o c a t i o n . The i n t e r v i e w s took p l a c e i n the r e s e a r c h e r ' s home. Each p a r t i c i p a n t was asked t o complete a consent form (Appendix C) at the be g i n n i n g of the i n - d e p t h i n t e r v i e w . One copy of the sig n e d consent form was g i v e n t o the p a r t i c i p a n t and one was r e t a i n e d by the r e s e a r c h e r . The r e s e a r c h e r conducted in-d e p t h i n t e r v i e w s with each p a r t i c i p a n t . The number and l e n g t h of the i n t e r v i e w s were dependent upon the time r e l a t e d needs and comfort of the p a r t i c i p a n t s . S i n g l e s e s s i o n s of 3 hours each were conducted with t h r e e o f the p a r t i c i p a n t s . For those p a r t i c i p a n t s who needed more 33 than one i n t e r v i e w , a second s e s s i o n was made a v a i l a b l e t o them w i t h i n one week of the f i r s t one. T h i s time i n t e r v a l was chosen so t h a t p a r t i c i p a n t s c o u l d t e l l t h e i r s t o r i e s without major breaks between i n t e r v i e w s . Two of the p a r t i c i p a n t s needed two s e s s i o n s of one and a h a l f hours each t o complete t h e i r i n t e r v i e w s . They found the s u b j e c t matter too p a i n f u l t o recount i n a s i n g l e s e s s i o n . The r e s e a r c h e r employed open q u e s t i o n s t o f a c i l i t a t e e l a b o r a t i o n and d i s c u s s i o n and probes t o all o w the p a r t i c i p a n t s t o e l a b o r a t e and c l a r i f y t h e i r e x p e r i e n c e s and p e r c e p t i o n s . The open-ended q u e s t i o n s (Appendix D) focused on the women's experiences, thoughts, f e e l i n g s , and p e r c e p t i o n s of t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers d u r i n g the course of the inc e s t u o u s abuse and subsequent t o the t e r m i n a t i o n of the abuse. During the i n t e r v i e w ( s ) , the r e s e a r c h e r i n i t i a l l y f o c u s e d on de v e l o p i n g a rap p o r t with the p a r t i c i p a n t . T h i s r a p p o r t h e l p e d t o f a c i l i t a t e d i s c l o s u r e of the s e n s i t i v e i s s u e s which emerged i n response t o the r e s e a r c h e r ' s i n t e r v i e w q u e s t i o n s . A p o r t i o n of t r a n s c r i p t from one of the i n t e r v i e w s i s p r o v i d e d i n order t o demonstrate the types of qu e s t i o n s asked by the r e s e a r c h e r t o f a c i l i t a t e the p a r t i c i p a n t t o e l a b o r a t e and c l a r i f y her exper i e n c e s (Appendix E ) . The r e s e a r c h e r planned to send each p a r t i c i p a n t a copy of the t r a n s c r i b e d i n t e r v i e w so t h a t she c o u l d review the t r a n s c r i p t p r i o r t o s c h e d u l i n g a subsequent meeting. The purpose of t h i s meeting would have been t o o b t a i n the p a r t i c i p a n t ' s feedback 34 r e g a r d i n g v a l i d a t i o n and/or r e f u t a t i o n of the r e s e a r c h e r ' s a n a l y s i s of the data. However, a f t e r conducting the i n t e r v i e w s and o b s e r v i n g the p a r t i c i p a n t s ' d i f f i c u l t i e s r e c a l l i n g many p a i n f u l memories, the r e s e a r c h e r asked each p a r t i c i p a n t whether she wished t o review her t r a n s c r i p t . Two of the p a r t i c i p a n t s d e c l i n e d . As a r e s u l t , the r e s e a r c h e r d e c i d e d not t o conduct the proposed v e r i f i c a t i o n i n t e r v i e w s . Had the r e s e a r c h e r conducted only the remaining t h r e e of the f i v e v e r i f i c a t i o n i n t e r v i e w s , p r o c e d u r a l c o n s i s t e n c y of the study would have been compromised. Omissions of these secondary i n t e r v i e w s f u r t h e r ensured the p a r t i c i p a n t s ' p s y c h o l o g i c a l comfort. The audio-taped i n t e r v i e w s were t r a n s c r i b e d by the r e s e a r c h e r . In order t o ensure c l i e n t c o n f i d e n t i a l i t y and anonymity, the data were a c c e s s i b l e only t o the r e s e a r c h e r and the r e s e a r c h e r ' s s u p e r v i s o r . A l l c l i e n t names and i d e n t i f y i n g i n f o r m a t i o n were omitted from t r a n s c r i p t s . P a r t i c i p a n t s were as s i g n e d pseudonyms i n r e p o r t i n g the r e s u l t s . Data a n a l y s i s The t r a n s c r i b e d i n t e r v i e w s were examined f o r evidence or suggestions of i n t e r - and i n t r a - p e r s o n a l themes, p a t t e r n s , or p e r c e p t i o n s which appeared t o c h a r a c t e r i z e each p a r t i c i p a n t ' s experience of her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother. P a r t i c u l a r a t t e n t i o n was p a i d t o how the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s may or may not have changed s i n c e the c e s s a t i o n of the abuse. C o l a i z z i ' s ( c i t e d i n V a l l e & King, 1978) procedure f o r phenomenological a n a l y s i s was u t i l i z e d t o analyse the data. The 35 d e s c r i p t i o n s or p r o t o c o l s p r o v i d e d by the women were read with the g o a l of o b t a i n i n g an o v e r a l l f e e l f o r the e x p e r i e n c e s as they were l i v e d , and the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s as they were p e r c e i v e d by the daughters. The s i g n i f i c a n t statements which spoke t o themes or p a t t e r n s i n the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s were i d e n t i f i e d and e x t r a c t e d from each p r o t o c o l . The meanings of each statement were formulated by the r e s e a r c h e r . T h i s p a r t i c u l a r step i n v o l v e d an i n f e r e n t i a l l e a p on the p a r t of the r e s e s a r c h e r s i n c e i t n e c e s s i t a t e d the assignment of meaning to the s u b j e c t s ' statements. I t was imperative t h a t the meanings for m u l a t e d by the r e s e a r c h e r were embedded w i t h i n the d e s c r i p t i v e context of the o r i g i n a l p r o t o c o l and the p a r t i c i p a n t s ' language was not changed i n any way. The o b j e c t i v e of t h i s step was t o take the thematic statements one step beyond the co n c r e t e d e s c r i p t i o n s and t o d i s c o v e r and i l l u m i n a t e t h e i r meanings which may have been hidden i n , or r e s t e d s l i g h t l y beyond the d e s c r i p t i o n s . A l l of the above steps were repeated with each p r o t o c o l i n order to i d e n t i f y and examine p o s s i b l e c l u s t e r s of themes t h a t emerged acr o s s the p a r t i c i p a n t s ' p r o t o c o l s . Where c l u s t e r s of themes emerged, the r e s e a r c h e r r e f e r r e d back to each p a r t i c i p a n t ' s o r i g i n a l p r o t o c o l t o c o n f i r m the presence of the themes t h e r e i n . T h i s step was taken t o ensure t h a t i d e n t i f i e d c l u s t e r s of themes d i d not "...propose a n y t h i n g t h a t [wasn't] i m p l i e d i n the o r i g i n a l p r o t o c o l s " ( C o l a i z z i , c i t e d i n V a l l e & King, 1978, p. 59). A l l i d e n t i f i e d themes were s t u d i e d , r e g a r d l e s s of whether they appeared to c o r r o b o r a t e or c o n t r a d i c t one another. However, only 36 the common themes of experiences were r e p o r t e d s i n c e t h a t was the purpose of t h i s phenomenological i n q u i r y . The data o b t a i n e d were i n t e g r a t e d i n t o an e x h a u s t i v e d e s c r i p t i o n of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s as they were ex p e r i e n c e d by the daughters. The exhaustive d e s c r i p t i o n was formulated i n an e f f o r t t o i d e n t i f y the s t r u c t u r e or meaning of these mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s . 37 Chapter IV R e s u l t s The purpose of t h i s chapter i s t o presen t the common themes or s i m i l a r i t i e s of experiences r e p o r t e d by the f i v e s u b j e c t s i n t e r v i e w e d . Although the women's experiences of t h e i r i n c e s t and of t h e i r mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s d i f f e r e d i n many aspects, t h e r e were a number of n o t a b l e s i m i l a r i t i e s i n how they have ex p e r i e n c e d and continue t o experience t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers. The common themes i d e n t i f i e d by the women go beyond those i n t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers. In e x p l o r i n g t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers, the f i v e women a l s o e l a b o r a t e d on t h e i r experiences of past and pr e s e n t r e l a t i o n s h i p s t h a t they a p p a r e n t l y c o n s i d e r t o be s i g n i f i c a n t t o themselves. These other r e l a t i o n s h i p s serve t o p r o v i d e a wider context of f a m i l i a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s w i t h i n which the women's experiences and p e r c e p t i o n s of t h e i r mothers have been shaped and continue t o be p l a y e d out. Thus, i n a d d i t i o n t o the themes i n the women's r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers, t h e r e are commonly r e p o r t e d themes which c h a r a c t e r i z e the women's ex p e r i e n c e s of t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r f a t h e r s , s i b l i n g s and i n t i m a t e male p a r t n e r s . The d i s c u s s i o n of the common r e l a t i o n s h i p themes as they are exp e r i e n c e d by these f i v e women i s the focus of t h i s chapter. The words of the women themselves have been used t o p a i n t the p i c t u r e s of t h e i r e x periences of these s i g n i f i c a n t r e l a t i o n s h i p s . 38 P r i o r t o the d i s c u s s i o n of the common themes, a b r i e f biography of each woman has been presented. T h i s w i l l h e l p t o f a m i l i a r i z e the reader w i t h the s a l i e n t aspects of experiences t h a t are unique t o each woman. Each biography focuses on the woman's f a m i l y composition, the h i s t o r y of her inc e s t u o u s abuse, i n f o r m a t i o n r e l a t i n g t o d i s c l o s u r e of the abuse, c u r r e n t s t a t u s of t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with the abusers, and with t h e i r mothers, as w e l l as i n f o r m a t i o n r e g a r d i n g t h e i r t h e r a p e u t i c h i s t o r y . B i o g r a p h i e s L i n d a L i n d a was 32 years o l d at the time of the i n t e r v i e w . Her f a m i l y c o n s i s t s of her parents, an o l d e r b r o t h e r , two o l d e r s i s t e r s and one younger s i s t e r . At present, L i n d a r e s i d e s a great d i s t a n t away from her f a m i l y . L i n d a says t h a t she has always experi e n c e d her pa r e n t s ' r e l a t i o n s h i p t o be d e s t r u c t i v e and h o s t i l e . She r e p o r t s t h a t i n s p i t e of her f a t h e r ' s many e x t r a - m a r i t a l a f f a i r s , her par e n t s have remained t o g e t h e r . The sexual abuse by Linda's f a t h e r began i n her i n f a n c y . She cannot r e p o r t at what age the abuse stopped but does say t h a t i t con t i n u e d i n t o her e a r l y adolescence. She can remember b e i n g g e n i t a l l y f o n d l e d by her f a t h e r and then b e i n g brought t o orgasm. She says t h a t t h e r e were never any t h r e a t s t o keep the i n c e s t s e c r e t . L i n d a a l s o r e p o r t s b e i n g s e x u a l l y abused by her b r o t h e r . At 39 the time of t h i s i n t e r v i e w , she c o u l d r e c a l l two s p e c i f i c i n s t a n c e s , one o c c u r r i n g at age f o u r or f i v e and the l a t t e r when she was between the ages of seven and ni n e . The p a t t e r n of abuse was very s i m i l a r t o t h a t of her f a t h e r ' s . v I n 1986, L i n d a d i s c l o s e d about the abuse by her b r o t h e r t o her p a r e n t s . The d i s c l o s u r e took p l a c e v i a a number of l o n g -d i s t a n c e telephone c a l l s . L inda f e e l s t h a t her f a m i l y i s not prepared t o be of any support t o her and she i s unsure t h a t they b e l i e v e her d i s c l o s u r e about her b r o t h e r . As a r e s u l t , she i s extremely r e l u c t a n t t o d i s c l o s e about the abuse by her f a t h e r . She i d e n t i f i e s the abuse by her f a t h e r t o have had the most damaging impact on her and t h e r e f o r e , b e l i e v e s t h a t she needs t o f e e l much s t r o n g e r w i t h i n h e r s e l f t o d e a l with the l a c k of support and empathy she expects from the f a m i l y members i n the event of d i s c l o s u r e . F i v e months p r i o r t o t h i s i n t e r v i e w , L i n d a d e c i d e d t o cease a l l c o n t a c t with her p a r e n t s . At present, she i s not sure i f and when she might be ready t o resume any r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother and f a t h e r . She has no con t a c t with her b r o t h e r . L i n d a was m a r r i e d f o r two years and has been d i v o r c e d f o r f o u r y e a r s . She does not r e p o r t having a c u r r e n t i n t i m a t e r e l a t i o n s h i p . L i n d a says t h a t she has spent many years s e a r c h i n g f o r e f f e c t i v e t h e r a p e u t i c h e l p f o r h e r s e l f and has ex p e r i e n c e d much disappointment and many setbacks i n her attempts t o o b t a i n t h i s h e l p . I n s t e a d of be i n g helped, L i n d a b e l i e v e s t h a t she has been harmed by some of the i n t e r v e n t i o n s she has expe r i e n c e d . 4 0 Kelly When the r e s e a r c h i n t e r v i e w was conducted, K e l l y was 28 years o l d . Her f a m i l y of o r i g i n c o n s i s t s of her pa r e n t s , one younger b r o t h e r and two younger s i s t e r s . K e l l y ' s p a rents s e p a r a t e d i n 1986, one year p r i o r t o any d i s c l o s u r e about the i n c e s t t a k i n g p l a c e . K e l l y r e p o r t s t h a t i n her experience, her par e n t s ' r e l a t i o n s h i p with each other was c o n f l i c t - r i d d e n and d i s t a n t . The i n c e s t u o u s abuse began i n K e l l y ' s i n f a n c y and con t i n u e d u n t i l she was i n f i r s t or second year of u n i v e r s i t y . U n t i l K e l l y was 11 years o l d , the abuse c o n s i s t e d of be i n g f o n d l e d and k i s s e d by her f a t h e r . When she turned 11, her f a t h e r began having i n t e r c o u r s e w i t h her. K e l l y says t h a t she was not t h r e a t e n e d or, i n any way coer c e d i n t o keeping the i n c e s t s e c r e t . She adds t h a t t h e r e r e a l l y was no need f o r t h r e a t s as she would have done any t h i n g her f a t h e r wanted her to do. Although the i n c e s t c o n t i n u e d w e l l i n t o K e l l y ' s adulthood, she does not remember wanting t o or, having attempted t o , d i s c l o s e t o anyone u n t i l t h r e e years ago when one of her s i s t e r s began t a l k i n g about b e i n g abused by the f a t h e r as w e l l . As a r e s u l t of her s i s t e r ' s d i s c l o s u r e , K e l l y r e p o r t s having her own c h i l d h o o d memories t r i g g e r e d and brought i n t o her awareness. At about the same time t h a t K e l l y ' s s i s t e r was b e g i n n i n g t o t a l k openly about her abuse by her f a t h e r , K e l l y ' s b r o t h e r d i s c o v e r e d t h a t t h e i r f a t h e r had a l s o been engaging i n random homosexual a f f a i r s . I t was t h i s d i s c o v e r y and the accompanying sense of b e t r a y a l t h a t l e d K e l l y t o f i n a l l y d i s c l o s e her own abuse. Thus, d u r i n g Christmas 1987, a l l f o u r c h i l d r e n d i s c l o s e d t o t h e i r mother about having been abused by t h e i r f a t h e r . S i x months a f t e r K e l l y f i n a l l y d i s c l o s e d her sexual abuse by her f a t h e r , she r e c a l l e d memories of having been s e x u a l l y abused by her b r o t h e r as w e l l . K e l l y has s i n c e c o n f r o n t e d her b r o t h e r and has chosen t o have very l i m i t e d c o n t a c t with him. F o l l o w i n g her d i s c l o s u r e about the abuse by her f a t h e r , K e l l y has severed a l l c o n t a c t with him. She r e p o r t s t h a t she continues t o miss him and has to work hard t o ig n o r e h i s c o n t i n u e d e f f o r t s t o get i n touch with her. K e l l y r e p o r t s t h a t she has f e l t duty-bound to maintain r e g u l a r c o n t a c t w i t h her mother s i n c e the i n c e s t has come to l i g h t . K e l l y r e p o r t s t h a t she has a h i s t o r y of d i f f i c u l t i n t i m a t e r e l a t i o n s h i p s with men i n which the men t r e a t her with d i s r e s p e c t . She a l s o r e p o r t s having problems m a i n t a i n i n g a s i n g l e r e l a t i o n s h i p and i s o f t e n i n t i m a t e l y i n v o l v e d with two or t h r e e men at once. At present, she i s i n v o l v e d i n a r e l a t i o n s h i p which she l a b e l s as "unhealthy" and wants to end but i s having d i f f i c u l t i e s doing so. K e l l y does not r e p o r t having had any form of therapy p r i o r to her involvment with her present t h e r a p i s t . T h i s t h e r a p i s t was recommended t o K e l l y by her younger s i s t e r and K e l l y r e p o r t s t h a t she f i n d s the t h e r a p e u t i c process extremely h e l p f u l . 42 Dorothy At the time of the re s e a r c h , Dorothy was 28 years o l d . Her f a m i l y i s made up of her parents, one o l d e r s i s t e r , t h r e e younger s i s t e r s and t h r e e younger b r o t h e r s . She d e s c r i b e s e x p e r i e n c i n g a great d e a l o f p h y s i c a l abuse i n her c h i l d h o o d and adolescence, i n f l i c t e d upon her by both her p a r e n t s . Dorothy s t a t e s t h a t the r e l a t i o n s h i p between her pa r e n t s i s frau g h t with a gr e a t d e a l of arguing and p h y s i c a l f i g h t i n g . In s p i t e of the d i f f i c u l t i e s d e s c r i b e d by Dorothy, her pa r e n t s remain t o g e t h e r . Dorothy's i n c e s t began i n her i n f a n c y . She i s unable t o r e p o r t e x a c t l y how o l d she might have been at the time. She i s aware t h a t by the time she was i n grade 2, the i n c e s t had been going on f o r "...a long time." She r e c a l l s b e i n g v a g i n a l l y p e n e t r a t e d by her f a t h e r when she was s i x years o l d . The abuse by her f a t h e r stopped when she was 15 years o l d . Dorothy b e l i e v e s t h a t he stopped because he was a f r a i d she would become pregnant. In a d d i t i o n t o b e i n g abused by her f a t h e r , Dorothy was s e x u a l l y abused by her maternal g r a n d f a t h e r . She does not r e p o r t her ages at which her gr a n d f a t h e r began and stopped abusing her. However, she emphasizes t h a t by the time she e n t e r e d grade 2, she was b e i n g abused by both her f a t h e r and her g r a n d f a t h e r . At age seven, Dorothy t o l d her mother about the sexual abuse by her g r a n d f a t h e r . Dorothy remembers hoping t h a t "...maybe they'd [both abusers] get the message and leave me alone." She a l s o hoped t h a t her mother would p r o t e c t her from f u r t h e r abuse. 4 3 However, the hoped f o r s u p p o r t i v e response from her mother and the c e s s a t i o n of the abuse were not the r e s u l t s of her d i s c l o s u r e . S e v e r a l years l a t e r , Dorothy d i s c l o s e d t o a s o c i a l worker about the abuse by her f a t h e r . The s o c i a l worker spoke to her f a t h e r who, a c c o r d i n g t o Dorothy, responded w i t h a p p r o p r i a t e remorse and concern i n f r o n t of the worker. However, Dorothy p o i n t s out t h a t he c o n t i n u e d to s e x u a l l y abuse her. Although t h e r e were no d i r e c t t h r e a t s t o keep the i n c e s t s e c r e t , Dorothy r e p o r t s t h a t she was r e l u c t a n t to d i s c l o s e about her f a t h e r ' s sexual abuse of her. She says t h a t t h i s i s because she hoped t h a t i f she continued to be h i s v i c t i m , he would spare the other c h i l d r e n i n the f a m i l y . She t h e r e f o r e , was w i l l i n g t o s a c r i f i c e h e r s e l f i n order to h o p e f u l l y spare her s i b l i n g s the same f a t e . Dorothy r e p o r t s having o c c a s i o n a l c o n t a c t with both her p a rents and adds t h a t she i n i t i a t e s a l l such c o n t a c t . She has r e c e n t l y become aware of how unkind she f e e l s her p a r e n t s are to her and i s making e f f o r t s to d i s t a n c e h e r s e l f more and more from them. U n t i l e a r l y t h i s year, Dorothy was l i v i n g with her common-law husband whom she d e s c r i b e s as a v i o l e n t a l c o h o l i c . T h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p l a s t e d f o r 12 years and produced f o u r c h i l d r e n . Dorothy i s p r e s e n t l y i n v o l v e d with another man. She says t h a t t h i s i s the f i r s t time a man has t r e a t e d her w e l l and she f i n d s h e r s e l f w a i t i n g f o r him to become abusive. She expresses c a u t i o u s optimism f o r her present involvment. 44 Dorothy says t h a t she has made a number of e f f o r t s t o o b t a i n t h e r a p e u t i c h e l p f o r h e r s e l f . She b e l i e v e s t h a t with the e x c e p t i o n of her present t h e r a p i s t , she has g e n e r a l l y been b e t r a y e d and demeaned by people i n the h e l p i n g p r o f e s s i o n . Lydia L y d i a was 27 years o l d at the time of the i n t e r v i e w . The members of her f a m i l y of o r i g i n i n c l u d e her parents and two younger s i s t e r s . L y d i a ' s parents d i v o r c e d when she was 13 years o l d . Since h i s s e p a r a t i o n from L y d i a ' s mother, her f a t h e r has l i v e d with h i s common-law wife. L y d i a has an e i g h t year o l d h a l f -s i s t e r . L y d i a ' s mother has remained s i n g l e s i n c e her d i v o r c e . In her i n t e r v i e w , L y d i a p r e s e n t s c o n t r a d i c t o r y i n f o r m a t i o n about her ages at the onset and c e s s a t i o n of the sexual abuse. Her abuse began when she was e i t h e r seven or nine years o l d and ended when L y d i a was e i t h e r ten or 13 years o l d . L y d i a r e p o r t s t h a t through the occurrence of the abuse, the sexual behaviours c o n s i s t e d of g e n i t a l f o n d l i n g and k i s s i n g and t h a t her f a t h e r "...never c r o s s e d the f i n a l boundary" and had sex u a l i n t e r c o u r s e with her. In a d d i t i o n t o the a c t u a l p h y s i c a l c o n t a c t between her f a t h e r and h e r s e l f , L y d i a has c h i l d h o o d r e c o l l e c t i o n s of d i s c o v e r i n g her f a t h e r ' s c o l l e c t i o n of pornographic magazines and watching her f a t h e r view s e x u a l l y e x p l i c i t movies. She r e p o r t s t h a t t h e r e were no t h r e a t s t o keep the i n c e s t s e c r e t . L y d i a f i r s t d i s c l o s e d about the i n c e s t t o her mother when she was e i t h e r t en or 13 years o l d . L y d i a has always s t e a d f a s t l y denied t h a t her f a t h e r has had sexual i n t e r c o u r s e with her. Her 4 5 mother does not b e l i e v e t h i s p a r t o f L y d i a ' s a c c o u n t . As a r e s u l t , t h i s c o n t i n u e s t o be a d i s p u t e d i s s u e s i n c e her mother b e l i e v e s t h a t L y d i a has d i s c l o s e d o n l y a p o r t i o n o f a l l t h a t went on w i t h her f a t h e r . L y d i a d i s c l o s e d f o r a second t ime i n 1985 to her f a t h e r ' s common-law wi fe because she was concerned f o r the s a f e t y o f her h a l f - s i s t e r . As a r e s u l t o f t h i s d i s c l o s u r e and the e n s u i n g p o l i c e i n v e s t i g a t i o n , her f a t h e r l o s t h i s job as a h i g h -s c h o o l t e a c h e r . He c o n t i n u e s to l i v e w i t h h i s common-law wi fe and young d a u g h t e r . L y d i a has r e g u l a r c o n t a c t w i t h b o t h her p a r e n t s . L y d i a s t a t e s t h a t her n a t u r a l p a r e n t s ' d i r e c t c o n t a c t w i t h each o t h e r i s m i n i m a l . However, her mother and her f a t h e r ' s c u r r e n t p a r t n e r have r e g u l a r t e l e p h o n e c o n t a c t w i t h each o t h e r . The focus o f these two women's c o n v e r s a t i o n i s L y d i a ' s f a t h e r . L y d i a says t h a t she has d i f f i c u l t i e s t r u s t i n g the men she has i n t i m a t e r e l a t i o n s h i p s w i t h . In her e x p e r i e n c e , the men have always been u n f a i t h f u l to h e r . At p r e s e n t , she l i v e s w i t h her b o y f r i e n d and says t h a t t h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p i s f r a u g h t w i t h the same d i f f i c u l t i e s as her o t h e r ones . She i s unhappy but h o p e f u l t h a t t h i s t i m e , she and her b o y f r i e n d can work t h r o u g h t h e i r own i s s u e s and h e l p the r e l a t i o n s h i p to s u r v i v e . L y d i a has seen a number o f p s y c h o l o g i s t s s i n c e she was about 13 y e a r s o l d . She says t h a t u n t i l she began work ing w i t h her p r e s e n t t h e r a p i s t , she was seen by p r o f e s s i o n a l s at h e r m o t h e r ' s i n s i s t e n c e . As a r e s u l t , she b e l i e v e s she has n e i t h e r been v e r y m o t i v a t e d t o work nor found t h e r a p y t o be p a r t i c u l a r l y h e l p f u l . 46 u n t i l now. Janice J a n i c e was 34 years o l d when the r e s e a r c h i n t e r v i e w was conducted. Her n a t u r a l f a m i l y i s comprised of her pa r e n t s , o l d e r twin b r o t h e r s , another o l d e r b r o t h e r and one younger s i s t e r . J a n i c e r e p o r t s t h a t even as a c h i l d she was aware t h a t her par e n t s had a poor r e l a t i o n s h i p with one another. She and the other members of the f a m i l y have a l s o always been aware of the many e x t r a - m a r i t a l a f f a i r s of her f a t h e r . She r e p o r t s t h a t her parents are s t i l l t o g e t h e r . J a n i c e says t h a t her f a t h e r began s e x u a l l y abusing her when she was an i n f a n t . The incestuous behaviours d i d not i n c l u d e sexual i n t e r c o u r s e . The abuse con t i n u e d u n t i l J a n i c e was e i t h e r s i x or seven years o l d and ended when she began t o a c t i v e l y a v o i d b e i n g alone w i t h her f a t h e r . In her i n t e r v i e w , J a n i c e i n i t i a l l y s t a t e d b e i n g abused by one of her twin b r o t h e r s . However, as the i n t e r v i e w progressed, she d e s c r i b e d separate abusive episodes by each of her twin b r o t h e r s . With both of these b r o t h e r s , the abuse c o n s i s t e d mainly of f o n d l i n g . With one of the twins, the sexual behaviour i n c l u d e d mutual o r a l sex. J a n i c e i s unable to remember when the abuses by her b r o t h e r s began but does r e c a l l t h a t one of the twins c o n t i n u e d abusing her u n t i l she was about 12 years o l d . J a n i c e has never d i s c l o s e d any of the inc e s t u o u s abuses t o any member of her f a m i l y . As a teenager, she r e c a l l s t e l l i n g a few g i r l f r i e n d s so t h a t she c o u l d "...get r i d of i t . " Since then, 47 the o n l y people with whom she has d i s c u s s e d her c h i l d h o o d sexual abuse have been her mother-in-law, two t h e r a p i s t s and t h i s r e s e a r c h e r . She does not b e l i e v e t h a t she w i l l r e c i e v e any support from the members of her f a m i l y , should she decide to d i s c l o s e . Given her s t r o n g b e l i e f s about not b e i n g understood and supported, she has no p l a n s to t e l l her f a m i l y . J a n i c e has very l i m i t e d c o n t a c t with her p a r e n t s and b e l i e v e s t h a t she needs to maintain both p h y s i c a l and emotional d i s t a n c e from them. She has thus chosen to l i v e two p r o v i n c e s away from them. She has no c o n t a c t with her twin b r o t h e r s . J a n i c e hqas been married f o r the l a s t 16 years and has two young c h i l d r e n . She says she loves her husband and needs h i s support but f i n d s h e r s e l f f l i r t i n g with other men almost c o n s t a n t l y . She has had a number of a f f a i r s d u r i n g her marriage. She says t h a t she has some s u s p i c i o n s t h a t her husband's m a n i p u l a t i v e and c o n t r o l l i n g nature has something t o do with her u n f a i t h f u l n e s s but she i s r e l u c t a n t t o work on t h a t i s s u e at p r e s e n t . She says she has d i f f i c u l t i e s acknowledging her husband's shortcomings and convinces h e r s e l f t h a t her marriage i s f i n e . J a n i c e r e p o r t s t h a t she has been t r y i n g t o o b t a i n t h e r a p e u t i c h e l p f o r a number of years and has had s e v e r a l n e g a t i v e e x p e r i e n c e s with t h e r a p i s t s . She does f e e l v ery p o s i t i v e about her p r e s e n t t h e r a p i s t . 48 Common Themes As mentioned e a r l i e r , the f i v e women i n t e r v i e w e d f o r t h i s r e s e a r c h , r e p o r t n o t a b l e s i m i l a r i t i e s when d i s c u s s i n g the s i g n i f i c a n t r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n t h e i r l i v e s . In d i s c u s s i n g the impact of the ne g a t i v e tones of r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n t h e i r f o r m a t i v e years, a l l f i v e respondents r e p o r t e x p e r i e n c i n g themselves as bei n g f r a c t u r e d and incomplete a d u l t s . A l l the respondents d e s c r i b e t h e i r e x i s t e n c e as be i n g r i d d l e d with almost continuous s t r u g g l e s t o l e a r n how to l i v e o u t s i d e the d y s f u n c t i o n a l f a m i l i e s they b e l i e v e they have grown up i n . They each p o r t r a y t h e i r e x periences of themselves i n the world and i n r e l a t i o n s h i p t o others i n the world as " a l i e n . " T h i s i s because the women p e r c e i v e themselves t o have grown up without a p p r o p r i a t e and he a l t h y r o l e models. Furthermore, they r e p o r t t h a t the i n t e r a c t i o n a l s t y l e s of t h e i r f a m i l i e s are no lon g e r a c c e p t a b l e to themselves, nor are they a c c e p t a b l e i n the world o u t s i d e of t h e i r f a m i l i e s . These women b e l i e v e t h a t t h e i r a b i l i t y t o t r u s t themselves and others i s impaired and they suggest t h a t t h i s m i s t r u s t c o n t r i b u t e s t o the c o n t i n u a t i o n of unhealthy p a t t e r n s i n t h e i r p r e s e n t r e l a t i o n s h i p s . Each woman c h a r a c t e r i z e s her present s t r u g g l e s as f i n d i n g out what i s h e a l t h y f o r h e r s e l f , both a f f e c t i v e l y and b e h a v i o u r a l l y , and how she might be abl e t o achieve some semblance of t h a t h e a l t h . The themes i d e n t i f i e d by each respondent are r e l a t e d t o t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r : mother, f a t h e r , s i b l i n g s and i n t i m a t e male p a r t n e r s . In keeping with the focus of t h i s r e s e a r c h study, 49 the common themes ex p e r i e n c e d by the women i n t h e i r mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s w i l l be the primary focus of t h i s chapter. T h i s w i l l be f o l l o w e d by d i s c u s s i o n of i d e n t i f i e d common themes i n the respondents' r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r f a t h e r s , s i b l i n g s and f i n a l l y , with t h e i r i n t i m a t e male p a r t n e r s . Themes i n the respondents' experiences of t h e i r mother-daughter  rel a t i o n s h i p s : A l l f i v e women d e s c r i b e t h e i r o v e r a l l e x p e r i e n c e s of t h e i r mothers i n n e g a t i v e terms and c o n s i d e r t h e i r mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s t o be damaged. In t h e i r d i s c u s s i o n s of these r e l a t i o n s h i p s , the f o l l o w i n g f i v e common themes emerge: 1. The daughters' p e r c e p t i o n s of t h e i r mothers as women who cannot be t r u s t e d 2. The daughters' experiences of t h e i r mothers' pronounced needs to be taken care of 3. The daughters' s t r o n g b e l i e f s about the mothers' awareness of the i n c e s t when i t was o c c u r r i n g 4 . The daughters' s t r o n g d e s i r e s t o not be l i k e t h e i r mothers 5. The daughters' r e g r e t and sorrow about t h e i r unhappy r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers. Mothers as women who cannot be t r u s t e d In terms of the theme of x l a c k of t r u s t ' , L i n d a shares one of many memories which i l l u s t r a t e s her b e l i e f t h a t her mother i s not a woman t o be t r u s t e d . The c h i l d h o o d i n c i d e n t L i n d a d e s c r i b e s i n v o l v e s her mother i g n o r i n g Linda's p r o t e s t a t i o n s and throwing away a bel o v e d t o y . "And I'm st a n d i n g next t o her and she j u s t 50 grabs [the teddy bear] out of my arms and throws him i n the f i r e . I t was another one of those p i v o t a l moments, where i t ' s , *you k i l l e d Bear, you'd k i l l me, wouldn't you?....You don't care about me, I don't t r u s t you and you're dangerous.'" K e l l y ' s example r e f l e c t s her i n a b i l i t y t o t r u s t her mother to a llow K e l l y t o make her own c h o i c e s i n l i f e . "She [ i s ] very i n v a s i v e and I [ f e e l ] l i k e she i s t r y i n g t o c o n t r o l my l i f e . And I c o u l d n ' t [ s i c ] t r u s t her." Dorothy p r o v i d e s s e v e r a l examples to demonstrate the d e c e i t and c r u e l t y she experi e n c e d i n her i n t e r a c t i o n s with her mother. Dorothy s t a t e s t h a t she does not understand why her mother t r e a t e d her badly and simply says, "There's always always [ i t a l i c s added] been something bad, r e a l l y bad, between my mom and me.... [She] l i e d t o me a l o t . " L y d i a ' s e x p e r i e n c e of her mother i s as a woman who does not t r u s t anyone e l s e and who has always shared with L y d i a her s u s p i c i o n s and e x p e c t a t i o n s of imminent wrong-doings by the world at l a r g e . L y d i a grew up f e e l i n g t h a t she c o u l d not t r u s t her mother t o be a v a i l a b l e t o her to hear any d i f f i c u l t i e s she might have been e x p e r i e n c i n g . As a r e s u l t , the g e n e r a l e x p e r i e n c e of her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother i s d e s c r i b e d by L y d i a i n the f o l l o w i n g manner: [My mother] was always spying on my dad. And I always f e l t l i k e I was s o r t of a spy f o r her. L i k e , l i k e , more of a w a l l t o t u r n t o . An ear to bend. She'd [ i t a l i c s added] come to me wit h her s e c r e t s . And her f a n t a s i e s and her, her t h i n g s . 51 The message t o L y d i a was t h a t her mother was i n c a p a b l e of t r u s t i n g o t h e r s and L y d i a c o u l d not t r u s t her mother t o be h e l p f u l t o her. J a n i c e i s unable t o r e p o r t s p e c i f i c reasons f o r or i n s t a n c e s which i l l u s t r a t e her l a c k of t r u s t i n her mother. She simply s t a t e s , " [ T r u s t i n g my mother] was never an i s s u e . I t h i n k I grew up i g n o r i n g my mother....I don't t h i n k I would have b e l i e v e d a n y t h i n g she t o l d me....She was j u s t l i k e a blimp i n the house." A l l f i v e women agree t h a t t h e i r i n a b i l i t y t o t r u s t t h e i r mothers has c r e a t e d d i s t a n c e between the two women. Mothers' needs t o be taken care of by daughters Another theme r e p o r t e d by the women suggest t h a t the tone of t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers o f t e n l e d them t o b e l i e v e t h a t t h e i r mothers' needs to be cared f o r were s t r o n g e r than t h e i r mothers' a b i l i t i e s t o e f f e c t i v e l y look a f t e r themselves and t h e i r f a m i l i e s . These p e r c e i v e d short-comings i n t h e i r mothers helped a l l f i v e women to b e l i e v e t h a t they c o u l d not count on t h e i r mothers t o be a v a i l a b l e and s u p p o r t i v e t o t h e i r daughters. Li n d a expresses t h i s theme by saying, Instead of be i n g a l i t t l e k i d who would say [ i n a l i t t l e g i r l ' s v o i c e ] "mommy, I got a problem, what do you t h i n k I should do, he l p me." I would take i t a l l the way past t h a t i n t o here's a s o l u t i o n , b e f o r e I would ever t e l l her about a problem....And t h a t would even be too much. Ever s i n c e she was a young g i r l , K e l l y has b e l i e v e d t h a t she has t r i e d t o take care of her mother's needs because she has 5 2 witnessed her mother's frequent mood swings. She r e p o r t s t h a t t h i s has c e r t a i n l y impacted on the s t y l e of i n t e r a c t i o n s between the two women and she expresses her f e e l i n g s about having t o be the s t r o n g e r member of the dyad. I, I've seen her r e a l l y depressed, many, many [ i t a l i c s added] times. [It] r e a l l y t e r r i f i e s me....I've always been r e a l l y s e n s i t i v e t o her moods. And uh, o b l i g a t i o n , duty-d r i v e n t o take care of her. And yet, p a r t of me j u s t p u l l s me i n the other d i r e c t i o n . L i k e , "how dare you? Ask me to take care of you? When I'm the one who needs t o be taken care of? For L y d i a , her experiences of her mother's h a b i t u a l emotional dependence on her, long ago eroded L y d i a ' s hopes of r e l a t i n g t o her mother as the dependable a d u l t i n the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p . My mother used to come to me and c o n f i d e i n me [about d i f f i c u l t i e s i n my parents' marriage] .... I was her c o n f i d a n t e about l o t s [ i t a l i c s added] of t h i n g s . I t was very d i f f i c u l t . I d i d n ' t want t h a t r e s p o n s i b i l i t y . . . . When she'd crash, I'd have to comfort her. I d i d n ' t want t o . I f e l t I had t o . Somebody had to be her f r i e n d . I f e l t t h a t i t was my job [ i t a l i c s added] to comfort my mother....I was her s t r o n g e r h a l f . Dorothy's l a c k of e x p e c t a t i o n s of emotional or m a t e r i a l nurturance from her mother stem from a profound and fundamental puzzlement t h a t invades her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother. "I have no [ i t a l i c s added] idea , no idea what makes her t i c k . . . [ A s a mother] she wasn't t h e r e . She's not t h e r e . L i k e , even now, she's not t h e r e . " J a n i c e cannot r e c a l l e x p e r i e n c i n g any involvment by her mother i n her c h i l d h o o d . She i d e n t i f i e s her c h i l d h o o d f e e l i n g s t h a t arose out of having an u n i n v o l v e d mother, "I don't remember my mother at a l l . . . S h e never came to anything at s c h o o l . Or [did] an y t h i n g l i k e t h a t . I remember f e e l i n g very [ i t a l i c s added] abandoned." The f i v e daughters u n i f o r m l y experience t h e i r mothers as women who are i n c a p a b l e of l o o k i n g a f t e r t h e i r own needs and, as a r e s u l t , the daughters have not and do not see t h e i r mothers as capable of b e i n g s u p p o r t i v e and p r o t e c t i v e p a r e n t s . Daughters' b e l i e f s about t h e i r mothers' awareness of i n c e s t The t h i r d common theme i s t h a t a l l f i v e women b e l i e v e t h a t t h e i r mothers were aware of the daughters' i n c e s t u o u s abuse. Lin d a does not h e s i t a t e t o express the blame she p l a c e s on her mother by s a y i n g , "...She set us up [ i t a l i c s added]...I mean, the more I've looked back on i t , the more I've r e a l i z e d my mother would set us up to be abused." Although K e l l y cannot e x p l a i n why she f e e l s her mother was aware of the i n c e s t , she does say, "...She knew t h a t t h e r e was something wrong...She must have... She knew what was going on." Dorothy cannot understand how her mother c o u l d have remained ig n o r a n t of the i n c e s t u o u s abuse t h a t was going on i n the household. " . . . I , I can't imagine [ i t a l i c s added] how, how [ s i c ] I can't imagine my mom not knowing. L i k e , she was i n the house so many times when i t happened." 5 4 J a n i c e r e p o r t s t h a t , while i n therapy a number of years ago, she r e a l i z e d t h a t " . . . I r e a l l y h o l d my mother t o blame f o r the whole t h i n g . . . I do blame my mother. For no reason, [I] f e e l t h a t i t was her f a u l t . " L y d i a i s l e s s vehement than the other women i n her c o n v i c t i o n about her mother's awareness of the i n c e s t . However, she too expresses her l o n g - h e l d and p e r s i s t e n t f e e l i n g t h a t her mother must have been aware of the i n c e s t while i t was o c c u r r i n g by saying , "...[She] must have known something...must have suspected. She turned a b l i n d eye to a l o t of obvious t h i n g s . " A l l f i v e women concur t h a t t h e i r mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s have been f u r t h u r damaged by t h e i r s u s p i c i o n s about t h e i r mothers' awareness of the i n c e s t . Daughters' d e s i r e t o be d i f f e r e n t from t h e i r mothers Another common experience r e p o r t e d by these women i s t h e i r d e s i r e and s t r u g g l e t o be very d i f f e r e n t from t h e i r mothers. For some of the women, the r e i s a f e a r t h a t they w i l l become l i k e t h e i r mothers and a sense t h a t t h i s t r a n s f o r m a t i o n may beyond t h e i r comprehension and out of t h e i r c o n t r o l . L i n d a a r t i c u l a t e s t h i s theme i n the f o l l o w i n g manner: " . . . I f e e l a l o t of anger around my r e l a t i o n s h i p with my mother and I'm j u s t b e g i n n i n g t o allow myself t o be angry. And, p a r t of i t ' s j u s t my own f e a r of becoming my mother." For both L y d i a and J a n i c e , the f e a r of becoming l i k e t h e i r mothers focuses on the "meaninglessness" of t h e i r mothers' l i v e s . L y d i a s t a t e s , " . . . I don't want t o end up l i k e her...She does nothi n g with her l i f e . She doesn't care about 55 h e r s e l f . My mother's r e a l i t y i s . . . p r y i n g i n t o my l i f e and my s i s t e r s ' l i v e s and worrying about us." J a n i c e i s very c l e a r about what b e i n g l i k e her mother means. "...I don't want t o be l i k e my mother...Being l i k e my*mother i s be i n g l a z y , overweight, s i c k , complaining, m i s e r a b l e , the expert. A l l those t h i n g s . " Not a l l f i v e of the women are able t o c l e a r l y a r t i c u l a t e what b e i n g l i k e t h e i r mother means and why they do not want t h a t f o r themselves. However, they are able t o i d e n t i f y t h e i r mothers as weak, v i c t i m i z e d women who have not been able t o take c o n t r o l of t h e i r l i v e s . In t h e i r present s t r u g g l e s t o take charge of t h e i r own l i v e s i n the absence of f a m i l i a l r o l e models, the daughters simply know th a t they do not want t o become r e p l i c a s of t h e i r mothers. Daughter's sorrow about present s t a t e of r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h mother The f i n a l common theme t h a t emerges i n the f i v e respondents' experiences of t h e i r mothers i s t h e i r r e g r e t f o r the ne g a t i v e tone of t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers. Each woman expresses sorrow at never having e x p e r i e n c e d a mutually s a t i s f y i n g mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p and c o n s i d e r t h i s t o be a profound l o s s i n t h e i r own l i v e s . Each woman a l s o h olds out a wish, though not always a hope, t h a t she c o u l d somehow r e p a i r her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother. L y d i a expresses her f r u s t r a t i o n and sadness at the s u p e r f i c i a l q u a l i t y of her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother, with the f o l l o w i n g words: "...We can have the weather c o n v e r s a t i o n [meaning a r e l a t i o n s h i p based on i n s i g n i f i c a n t i s s u e s ] f o r the r e s t of our l i v e s . I f [she] wants. I t doesn't matter t o me. Well, yes, i t does. [Begins t o c r y ] . I t does [ i t a l i c s added]. Matter. Dorothy d e s c r i b e s her s t r o n g maternal f e e l i n g s toward her own c h i l d r e n and r e a l i z e s how much she misses having her mother care f o r her i n the same way t h a t Dorothy cares f o r her c h i l d r e n . "...That's what I miss. I mean, why can't I [ i t a l i c s added] have t h a t bond with my mother?... I t would be n i c e [to h e a l my r e l a t i o n s h i p my mother]." K e l l y a r t i c u l a t e s her s t r u g g l e s f o r a h e a l t h i e r s e l f and her p e r c e p t i o n of t h a t s e l f b e i n g t i e d t o her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother. " . . . I want a l o t f o r her to be h e a l t h i e r and hap p i e r and f r e e r because then I would be too [ i t a l i c s added]. For me to be f r e e , I need her t o be...there i s th a t l i f e - l i n e . " J a n i c e a l s o speaks of her need f o r her mother a f t e r d e s c r i b i n g a rec e n t dream she had about a l i t t l e g i r l c r y i n g f o r her mother. "...That's [to be n u r t u r e d by her mother] what I want. A l o t , a l o t [ i t a l i c s added]...I t h i n k , I need [ i t a l i c s added] her because I'm a mother now." Each of the women i d e n t i f y the damaged tone of t h e i r mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p as a sadness i n t h e i r l i v e s . As a d u l t daughters, each woman expresses c a u t i o u s hope t h a t t h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p can one day be r e p a i r e d . As the above f i v e themes demonstrate, the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s e x p e r i e n c e d by the f i v e respondents are c h a r a c t e r i z e d by unmet needs and n e g a t i v e i n t e r a c t i o n s . In s p i t e of t h e i r l i f e - l o n g n e g a t i v e experiences with t h e i r mothers, a l l the women r e p o r t t h a t the absence of a p o s i t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p with 57 t h e i r mothers i s exp e r i e n c e d as a profound l o s s i n t h e i r l i v e s . A l l f i v e women wish t o , f e e l t h a t they need t o , but are at a l o s s as to how t o r e c t i f y t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers. Themes i n the respondents' experiences o f t h e i r f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r  r e l a t i o n s h i p s : As r e p o r t e d by a l l the respondents, t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r f a t h e r s are u n d e r l i n e d by the women's p e r c e i v e d and e x p r i e n c e d i n a b i l i t y to b e l i e v e they are important to t h e i r f a t h e r s . In p a r t i c u l a r , the f o l l o w i n g t h r e e common themes emerge i n these women's experiences of t h e i r f a t h e r s : 1. The p e r c e p t i o n s of the f a t h e r s as the c e n t r a l members of the f a m i l i e s 2. The f a t h e r s ' l a c k of involvment i n the d a i l y l i v e s of t h e i r f a m i l i e s . 3. The daughters' e f f o r t s t o o b t a i n t h e i r f a t h e r s ' a t t e n t i o n and a p p r o v a l . F a t h e r s as c e n t r a l members of f a m i l i e s The f i r s t theme i s experienced by t h r e e of the i n t e r v i e w e d women i n terms of t h e i r f a m i l y l i v e s r e v o l v i b g around t h e i r f a t h e r s . In t h e i r experiences, the p r e - o c c u p a t i o n of t h e i r d a i l y l i v e s was with t h e i r f a t h e r s ' r e t u r n home from work. T h i s was one of the few times the mother and the c h i l d r e n came t o g e t h e r i n a s i n g l e e f f o r t was i n p r e p a r a t i o n f o r the f a t h e r s ' r e t u r n home. For example, In Linda's words, "...Waiting f o r dad t o come home [was the] b i g event of the d a y . He's the focus and e v e r y t h i n g ' s around him." In a s i m i l a r v e i n , J a n i c e , whose f a t h e r was away 58 from the f a m i l y d u r i n g the week, says, "...On the weekends, j u s t b e f o r e my dad would come home, we'd have t h i s b i g f r e n z y c l e a n i n g the house...and my dad would s o r t of walk i n t o t h i s f r e n z y , he would s o r t of t u r n around and walk away." K e l l y a l s o r e c a l l s her dad being away from the f a m i l y a great d e a l . She b e l i e v e s h i s many departures and r e t u r n s c o n t r i b u t e d t o her e x p e r i e n c i n g l i f e as be i n g J u s t a r o l l e r c o a s t e r . Mom would say, "dad's coming home," and we'd get b u i l t up f o r dad to come home. And, dad would come home f o r a couple of days. Then, he'd go away again and we'd a l l go down again. Although L y d i a and Dorothy do not mention s i m i l a r examples p r o v i d e d by the other t h r e e women, they both speak of having e x p e r i e n c e d t h e i r f a t h e r s to be powerful c e n t e r s of the f a m i l y . In a d d i t i o n , t h e i r experiences are c o n s i s t e n t with the theme of t h e i r f a t h e r s ' c o n t r o l . As L y d i a remembers, "...When we were young, whatever my f a t h e r says goes [ s i c ] . Uh, i t ' s where t h e r e would be my s i s t e r s and my mother... shuddering i n the corner k i n d of t h i n g . And, my f a t h e r would walk i n and do whatever." In v a r i o u s ways, a l l f i v e women experienced t h e i r f a t h e r s as the c e n t r a l f a m i l i a l member who d i c t a t e d or e x e r c i s e d s u b t l e yet d e f i n i t e c o n t r o l over the l i f e of the f a m i l y . F a t h e r ' s l a c k of involment with f a m i l y A l l . f i v e women r e p o r t t h e i r f a t h e r s ' l a c k of involvment i n the f a m i l y ' s day t o day l i v e s . T h e i r r e c o l l e c t i o n s of t h e i r f a t h e r s are s t r i k i n g i n t h e i r i n a b i l i t y to remember these men 59 doing a n y t h i n g with t h e i r f a m i l i e s . J a n i c e and Dorothy do not r e c a l l having ex p e r i e n c e d any k i n d of d a i l y involment w i t h t h e i r f a t h e r s , o u t s i d e of t h e i r sexual involvment with them. When asked where her f a t h e r was on a d a i l y b a s i s , L i n d a responds by pondering, "...Where was [ i t a l i c s added] my dad? He was busy. He was busy f u c k i n g around, going to work, p r e t e n d i n g to go t o work and not going to work." L y d i a r e p o r t s t h a t a l l of the c h i l d r e n ' s p h y s i c a l and r e c r e a t i o n a l needs were taken care of by her mother and her f a t h e r ' s c o n t r i b u t i o n to the c h i l d r e n ' s care was only monetary. "...My mother put us i n a l l s o r t s [ i t a l i c s added] of c l a s s e s , courses and t h i n g s . Yeah, we had e v e r y t h i n g . My f a t h e r , you know, would fund t h i s s t u f f . And, my mother would f e r r y us o f f to these t h i n g s . " K e l l y b e l i e v e s t h a t her f a t h e r ' s g i f t - b e a r i n g r e t u r n s t o h i s c h i l d r e n a f t e r long absences from home served to f u r t h e r damage her a l r e a d y p r e c a r i o u s r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother. [My dad] would go away and come back and b r i n g us t h i n g s . And when he came b a c k . . . . l i f e was j u s t a p a r t y . And then he'd go away and my mom was a b i t c h , you know? Because, she had to handle a l l .the d a i l y problems.... of a normal l i f e . Even though the women's c h i l d h o o d e xperiences of t h e i r f a t h e r s were as the core member of t h e i r f a m i l i e s , the daughters cannot r e p o r t t h e i r f a t h e r s ' prescence or involvment i n t h e i r everyday l i v e s . The daughter's e f f o r t s to o b t a i n her f a t h e r ' s a t t e n t i o n Each woman i l l u s t r a t e s the e f f o r t s she made t o o b t a i n the 60 a t t e n t i o n and approval from her f a t h e r . Although the means vary from woman t o woman, the desperate hope f o r h i s v a l i d a t i o n and acceptance, i s a theme t h a t runs across each woman's r e c o l l e c t i o n s of her experiences with her f a t h e r . L i n d a t r i e d t o get r e c o g n i t i o n from her f a t h e r by e x c e l l i n g i n her academic endeavours. She can v i v i d l y remember g e t t i n g 99% i n a t e s t and running home t o show her f a t h e r who responded with, " . . . I f you can get 99, why can't you get 1 0 0 % ? " She r e p o r t s t h a t t h i s e x e m p l i f i e s her experiences of the h u r t f u l and r e j e c t i n g tones of her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her f a t h e r . With s l i g h t v a r i a t i o n s , s i m i l a r e x p eriences are r e c a l l e d by the other f o u r women. Dorothy's attempts to get her f a t h e r ' s a t t e n t i o n by d e v e l o p i n g i n t e r e s t s t h a t were s i m i l a r t o h i s were met with r e d i c u l e and r e j e c t i o n . Dorothy t r i e d t o show i n t e r e s t i n her f a t h e r ' s o b s e s s i o n with the game of i c e hockey by a s k i n g him q u e s t i o n s about the game. His response to her was "...Oh, get out of here." She too r e i t e r a t e s the hurt and r e j e c t i o n expressed by L i n d a . " . . . I wanted so much [ i t a l c s added] f o r my dad's approval t h a t , I don't know [ s i c ] . L i k e , t h a t meant a l o t t o me...All [ i t a l i c s added] I wanted was j u s t a hug saying, hey, you d i d good, you know?" J a n i c e r e l a t e s her s i n g u l a r c h i l d h o o d experience of r e c e i v i n g p r a i s e from her f a t h e r . "...Had to been [ s i c ] grade 7 . I cooked [a meal] f o r my dad. He was so [ i t a l i c s added] proud of me. J u s t t h i s p e r f e c t l i t t l e mother, he s a i d . That was the only time I remember my dad ever [ i t a l i c s added] b e i n g proud of me." For the other two women, the experiences of t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r f a t h e r s are h i g h l i g h t e d by not b e i n g able t o b e l i e v e t h a t he needed them as much as they needed him. Both K e l l y ' s and L y d i a ' s p e r c e p t i o n s of t h e i r c h i l d h o o d r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r f a t h e r s are r e p o r t e d i n l e s s n e g a t i v e terms than the other t h r e e women. However, these two women's exper i e n c e s with t h e i r f a t h e r s a l s o focus on almost continuous s t r i v i n g t o a t t a i n h i s a p p r o v a l . L y d i a f e e l s t h a t i n s p i t e of her own l a c k of d e s i r e and i n t e r e s t , she cont i n u e d her post-secondary s t u d i e s i n order t o p l e a s e her f a t h e r . E v e n t u a l l y unable t o s u s t a i n her i n t e r e s t , she "dropped out." Since then, she has spent years c h a s t i s i n g h e r s e l f f o r having d i s a p p o i n t e d her f a t h e r by not completing her c o l l e g e e d u c a t i o n . " . . . I thought I had to do something t o make him proud. I thought, t h a t ' s what I was supposed [ i t a l i c s added] t o do...And, I guess I thought t h a t ' s what dad wanted, you know?" She b e l i e v e s t h a t f o r the g r e a t e r p a r t of her l i f e , she has guessed at and f o l l o w e d the paths of her f a t h e r ' s e x p e c t a t i o n s of her i n hopes of making him proud of her. K e l l y grew up f e e l i n g a d i s t i n c t l a c k of co n f i d e n c e i n her own a b i l i t i e s t o do anything w e l l . She r e c a l l s t h a t whatever e f f o r t s she made were with the i n t e n t t o p l e a s e her dad. In s p i t e of a l l her e f f o r t s , she i s unable t o remember r e c e i v i n g any t a n g i b l e rewards from him. " . . . I v a l u e d my f a t h e r ' s o p i n i o n s . And I, I r e a l l y was doing t h i n g s f o r my f a t h e r ' s a p p r o v a l . Oh, i n whatever I was doing." When asked i f she ever f e l t she r e c e i v e d 62 the a p p r o v a l she was seeking, K e l l y r e p l i e s , " . . . S o r t o f . Not, not i n any b i g t a n g i b l e way." As the above examples d e s c r i b e , the fa t h e r - d a u g h t e r r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n these women's l i v e s are fr a u g h t with u n f u l f i l l e d l o n g i n g s f o r emotional c l o s e n e s s and a t t e n t i o n from t h e i r f a t h e r s . In s p i t e of these experiences of unmet needs and p e r c e i v e d r e j e c t i o n , a l l f i v e women r e p o r t t h a t they continue t o want or hope f o r t h e i r f a t h e r ' s approval and acceptance. T h i s holds t r u e even f o r those women who have severed or s i g n i f i c a n t l y reduced t h e i r c o n t a c t s with t h e i r f a t h e r s . The daughters continue to f e e l the s t r e n g t h of t h e i r f a t h e r s ' power and c o n t r o l over t h e i r l i v e s . Themes i n t h e r e s p o n d e n t s ' e x p e r i e n c e s o f t h e i r s i b l i n g  r e l a t i o n s h i p s : In the f i v e respondents' d e s c r i p t i o n s of t h e i r s i b l i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s , t h r e e main themes emerege: 1. The women's experiences of g e n e r a l l y n e g a t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p s with the other c h i l d r e n i n t h e i r f a m i l i e s 2. One p a r t i c u l a r l y c l o s e and s u p p o r t i v e s i b l i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p 3. The women's experiences of t h e i r p a rents as b e i n g i n s t r u m e n t a l i n c r e a t i n g and f o s t e r i n g the poor r e l a t i o n s h i p s between s i b l i n g s . G e n e r a l l y n e g a t i v e s i b l i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s A l l f i v e women i n t e r v i e w e d come from f a m i l i e s with t h r e e or more c h i l d r e n . Each woman r e p o r t s having poor s i b l i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n g e n e r a l . However, the poor q u a l i t y of t h e i r 63 s i b l i n g e x p e r i e n c e s are not e l a b o r a t e d upon i n any b e h a v i o u r a l terms i n the women's d i s c u s s i o n s . Close r e l a t i o n s h i p with one s i b l i n g A l l f i v e p a r t i c i p a n t s r e p o r t a p a r t i c u l a r l y c l o s e r e l a t i o n s h i p with one of t h e i r s i b l i n g s . For Linda, t h i s e x perience i s with her youngest s i s t e r . T h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p i s not e l a b o r a t e d upon i n any b e h a v i o u r a l terms i n Linda's d i s c u s s i o n s . Instead, she r e p o r t s e x p e r i e n c i n g a sense of c l o s e n e s s with t h i s s i s t e r t h a t was d i f f e r e n t from or i n c o n t r a s t t o what she f e l t f o r her other s i b l i n g s . K e l l y has poor r e l a t i o n s h i p s with a l l but her second youngest s i s t e r . She d e s c r i b e s t h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p as bei n g mutually s u p p o r t i v e . Although she does not p r o v i d e s p e c i f i c reasons or examples, she designates t h i s p a r t i c u l a r r e l a t i o n s h i p as b e i n g her onl y role-model f o r p o s i t i v e female r e l a t i o n s h i p s . L y d i a e x p e r i e n c e s her c l o s e s t s i b l i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p with her youngest s i s t e r who has r e c e n t l y g otten m a r r i e d and moved away. A c c o r d i n g t o L y d i a , these changes i n her s i s t e r ' s l i f e have meant t h a t the two of them are d r i f t i n g apart and L y d i a f e e l s sadness about the d i s t a n c e d r e l a t i o n s h i p . J a n i c e r e p o r t s t h a t she experiences a "mind c o n n e c t i o n " with her b r o t h e r who i s s i x years o l d e r than h e r s e l f . T h i s i s the one c l o s e r e l a t i o n s h i p she experiences with a member of her n a t u r a l f a m i l y and p e r c e i v e s t h a t they share s i m i l a r i n t e l l e c t s and i n t e r e s t s . "...My bro t h e r , who I'm very, very [ i t a l i c s added] c l o s e with. I t ' s almost l i k e , my b r o t h e r and I share a l o t i n common. As a teenager, growing up, I remember now, spending a l l 64 n i g h t s [ i t a l i c s added] t o g e t h e r . T a l k i n g and having very p h i l o s o p h i c a l d i s c u s s i o n s . " Dorothy r e p o r t s having e x p e r i e n c e d much mutual n u r t u r i n g and c a r i n g with her b r o t h e r s . She f e e l s t h a t while her b r o t h e r s were growing up, she was p r i m a r i l y r e s p o n s i b l e f o r l o o k i n g a f t e r them. As a r e s u l t , she has developed c l o s e , maternal r e l a t i o n s h i p s with them but i s p a r t i c u l a r l y c l o s e to her youngest b r o t h e r . T h i s s i b l i n g r e s i d e s with Dorothy. E x p e r i e n c i n g parents as c r e a t i n g r i f t s between s i b l i n g s Each of the women r e p o r t e x p e r i e n c i n g t h e i r p a r e n t s as b e i n g i n s t r u m e n t a l i n c r e a t i n g and f o s t e r i n g the poor s i b l i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s w i t h i n t h e i r f a m i l i e s . Linda r e p o r t s c h i l d h o o d f e e l i n g s of competions between h e r s e l f and her o l d e r s i s t e r s and says t h a t the h o s t i l i t y between the two s i s t e r s was o f t e n f u e l e d by t h e i r mother. She c i t e s her sad r e a l i z a t i o n at age 14 t h a t her o l d e r s i s t e r had chosen to f i t i n t o the f a m i l y by a d o p t i n g m a n i p u l a t i v e and d i s h o n e s t ways to r e l a t e with the f a m i l y members. For Linda, t h i s awareness meant the d i s s o l u t i o n of any hopes she had h e l d out f o r a c l o s e r r e l a t i o n s h i p with her o l d e r s i b l i n g . L i n d a d e s c r i b e s her experiences i n the f o l l o w i n g manner: I t was a b i g g r i e f . I t was a b i g l e t t i n g go. I'd spent a l o t of e f f o r t on her. I wanted her to be somebody who c o u l d be my f r i e n d . . . . S h e hates me. And, my mother would p i t us a g a i n s t one another [by s a y i n g t h i n g s l i k e ] "look at t h i s r e p o r t c a r d . Why can't you have a r e p o r t c a r d l i k e h e r s ? " Which f u r t h e r damaged the r e l a t i o n s h i p . 65 K e l l y i s the e l d e s t c h i l d i n her f a m i l y . She has one b r o t h e r and two s i s t e r s . In l o o k i n g back, K e l l y now a t t r i b u t e s the poor q u a l i t y of her s i b l i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s to her f a t h e r ' s s p e c i a l treatment of her and h i s sexual involvment with a l l of the c h i l d r e n . She r e p o r t s e x p e r i e n c i n g other f a m i l y members as competitors f o r her f a t h e r ' s a f f e c t i o n s . As an a d u l t who i s no longer i n co n t a c t with her f a t h e r , she b e l i e v e s t h a t he set up the c o m p e t i t i v e and neg a t i v e s i b l i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s t o achieve h i s own s e l f i s h ends. K e l l y d e s c r i b e s her present r e l a t i o n s h i p s with her s i b l i n g s as: "...With one of my s i s t e r s , I'm very c l o s e . With S. [other s i s t e r ] , I t h i n k we're both very t e n t a t i v e w i t h each other. I t h i n k she's had contempt f o r me. As my b r o t h e r has." L y d i a i s the o l d e s t of three s i s t e r s . She r e p o r t s s i m i l a r e x periences of s i b l i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s ; t h a t of d i s t a n c e and waryness. She too f e e l s t h a t p a r t of t h i s waryness has r e s u l t e d from her mother's i n t e r f e r e n c e i n the r e l a t i o n s h i p s between the th r e e s i s t e r s . " . . . I have t o be c a r e f u l what I say t o [my s i s t e r ] . 'Cause, [ s i c ] i n the past, i t has always gone s t r a i g h t back t o my mom. Yeah, s t r a i g h t back...and she gets her f i n g e r i n my p i e and my s i s t e r s ' p i e s . " Of the f i v e women int e r v i e w e d , Dorothy comes from the l a r g e s t f a m i l y . She has one o l d e r s i s t e r , t h r e e younger s i s t e r s and t h r e e younger b r o t h e r s . She d e s c r i b e s an extremely h o s t i l e r e l a t i o n s h i p with her o l d e r s i s t e r . In a v e i n s i m i l a r t o the other women, she p e r c e i v e s her parents t o have c r e a t e d and f o s t e r e d the poor r e l a t i o n s h i p between the two of them. 66 L i k e , when we baby-sat. 11 k i d s one time, f o r e i g h t hours. And, I got $4.00. Nothing major....Then, my mom and dad s a i d , "you have t o gi v e us h a l f your money." I c l e a n e d and [ i t a l i c s added] looked a f t e r the k i d s . And then, they t u r n e d around and asked to borrow the other h a l f ! . . . . A n d my s i s t e r [ i t a l i c s added] kept i t . J a n i c e ' s s i b l i n g s i n c l u d e o l d e r twin b r o t h e r s , another o l d e r b r o t h e r and a younger s i s t e r . A l l the c h i l d r e n are s i x years apart i n age. She experien c e d her s i s t e r t o be very d i f f e r e n t from h e r s e l f and says t h a t she has mostly been i n d i f f e r e n t t o her s i s t e r ' s l i f e . She a l s o f e e l s t h a t t h i s s i s t e r has a c l o s e r e l a t i o n s h i p with her parents and t h i s c o n t r i b u t e s t o her d i s d a i n f o r her s i s t e r , as e x e m p l i f i e d by the f o l l o w i n g e x c e r p t : I remember my mother sa y i n g something [once]. Oh yeah, I worked as a w a i t r e s s i n high school and my mother s a i d , not meaning t o say i t loud but v e r b a l i z e d i t by a c c i d e n t , " w e l l , t h a t was one t h i n g your s i s t e r never had t o do." She was a c t u a l l y t a l l y i n g the accomplishments between me and my younger s i s t e r . The above d e s c r i p t i o n s r e f l e c t t h a t the g e n e r a l tones of the s i b l i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s experienced by the f i v e respondents are ne g a t i v e . The i n t e n s i t y of sadness and hope t h a t surround t h e i r d e s c r i p t i o n s about t h e i r p a r e n t a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s are not e x p r e s s l y a r t i c u l a t e d by any of the women i n t h e i r d i s c u s s i o n s of t h e i r damaged s i b l i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s . However, each of the women b e l i e v e t h e i r g e n e r a l l y poor tone of s i b l i n g i n t e r a c t i o n s r e f l e c t yet 67 another experience of d y s f u n c t i o n a l f a m i l i a l r e l a t i o n s h i p . Themes i n t h e r e s p o n d e n t s ' e x p e r i e n c e s o f t h e i r i n t i m a t e  r e l a t i o n s h i p s : A l l f i v e women r e p o r t e x p e r i e n c i n g d i f f i c u l t i e s i n t h e i r i n t i m a t e r e l a t i o n s h i p s . The common d i f f i c u l t i e s d e s c r i b e d by the women are the f o l l o w i n g : 1. Choosing p a r t n e r s who do not value them 2. S t r u g g l i n g t o change the d e s t r u c t i v e p a t t e r n s of t h e i r i n t i m a t e r e l a t i o n s h i p s . Choice of p a r t n e r In d i s c u s s i n g the f i r s t theme, Linda d e s c r i b e s her former husband's response t o her needs. Linda was ma r r i e d f o r two years when she began having f l a s h b a c k s of her c h i l d h o o d sexual abuse. She had hoped t h a t her husband would be a source of support f o r her while she was going through t h i s d i f f i c u l t p e r i o d i n her l i f e . Instead, the marriage d i s i n t e g r a t e d . "...My husband...wanted me to f o r g e t i t [the i n c e s t ] . So, t h e r e was no support at a l l . " In a d d i t i o n t o being u n s u p p o r t i v e t o Linda, he forbade h i s f a m i l y t o have co n t a c t with Linda, f o l l o w i n g the couple's s e p a r a t i o n . For Linda, t h i s has been a gre a t l o s s . " . . . I had taken on h i s f a m i l y as my own. In search of f a m i l y , you know, mar r i e d somebody f o r t h e i r f a m i l y . . . I wasn't prepared f o r the f a c t t h a t h i s f a m i l y wouldn't speak t o me a f t e r [the s e p a r a t i o n ] . " Dorothy speaks of her r e a l i z a t i o n s about her 12 year common-law r e l a t i o n s h i p with a v i o l e n t a l c o h o l i c man. That 68 r e l a t i o n s h i p had ended four months p r i o r t o t h i s i n t e r v i e w t a k i n g p l a c e . I'm s t a r t i n g t o r e a l i z e why I was with L. And I put up with a l l the crap. I was so used t o i t . You're used t o b e i n g fucked, you u s u a l l y tend t o be [ i t a l i c s added] wit h what you're comfortable with....[There was] p h y s i c a l abuse. There was always i n s u l t s and s t u f f l i k e that....Now I f i n d t h a t I miss him and i t ' s j u s t t h a t . . . . a b u s i v e n e s s [ i t a l i c s added] t h a t I miss. Because, i t ' s not something I'm used t o . K e l l y r e p o r t s her befuddlement at her p a t t e r n of i n t i m a t e r e l a t i o n s h i p s and her l a c k of knowledge about what i s h e a l t h y i n a r e l a t i o n s h i p . I go f o r the r e l a t i o n s h i p s [with] the guy who i s not [ i t a l i c s added] t h e r e . I set r e l a t i o n s h i p s up the same way. I t never works. Because the people I lov e t o be s p e c i a l [to me] are s p e c i a l l y [ i t a l i c s added] d i s t a n t . . . . I f a h e a l t h y r e l a t i o n s h i p jumped i n t o my l i f e , would I even r e c o g n i z e i t ? What's h e a l t h y to me? I don't know i t . L y d i a speaks of her i n a b i l i t y to t r u s t the men i n her l i f e and the p a t t e r n of choosing men whom she expe r i e n c e s as b e i n g e m o t i o n a l l y u n a v a i l a b l e t o her. St r u g g l e s t o change p a t t e r n s The women r e p o r t t h a t they are p r e s e n t l y engaged i n t r y i n g to change t h e i r u s u a l ways of conducting t h e i r i n t i m a t e r e l a t i o n s h i p s . A l l f i v e women say t h a t t h i s i s a d i f f i c u l t s t r u g g l e f o r them and the paths t o t h i s d e s i r e d f o r change i s 69 r i d d l e d with u n c e r t a i n t y and c o n f u s i o n . L y d i a says t h a t i n her i n t i m a t e r e l a t i o n s h i p s , she h a b i t u a l l y e x p e r i e n c e s h e r s e l f as being e m o t i o n a l l y and s e x u a l l y inadequate t o s a t i s f y the men. She wants t o a l t e r these experiences but i s not c e r a t i n she knows what needs t o happen. With my r e l a t i o n s h i p s r i g h t now, I'm t r y i n g not t o make a l l men seem bad....I'm t r y i n g t o but, i t ' s hard. Because, t h e r e ' s t h i n g s i n my b o y f r i e n d ] t h a t I see i n a l l [ i t a l i c s added] men. L i k e , he d i d screw around on me....I f e e l l i k e [he] c o u l d j u s t put a paper bag over my head, you know? I don't f e e l l i k e I'm what he wants i n a woman. Ja n i c e has been m a r r i e d f o r 16 years and r e p o r t s having a happy marriage. However, she goes on to d e s c r i b e her f l i r t a t o u s behaviour with men i n gen e r a l and the impact of t h i s behaviour on her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her husband.' Our sexual r e l a t i o n s h i p , to t h i s day [ i t a l i c s added] i s not a f u l l y f u n c t i o n i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p , whatsoever. I have a very f l i r t a t o u s nature. And, I f i n d t h a t i t a f f e c t s us a l o t . . . . I am always aware of men....a l o t of my l i f e energy i s focused on t h i s . . . . I don't want the men to respond. Yet, I do [ i t a l i c s added]. And t h a t ' s what sc a r e s me....I j u s t can't h e l p [the constant a t t r a c t i o n s t o men]. As with the p a r e n t a l and s i b l i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s e x p e r i e n c e d by the respondents, the i n t i m a t e r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n t h e i r l i v e s are a l s o r i d d l e d with many d i f f i c u l t i e s . In terms of these r e l a t i o n s h i p s , a l l the women, except f o r J a n i c e , f e e l t h a t they 70 are not t r e a t e d with r e s p e c t or gen u i n e l y c a r e d f o r by these men. When d i s c u s s i n g t h e i r damaged f a m i l i a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s , the women do not i d e n t i f y , or at l e a s t a r t i c u l a t e any aspect of the damage as b e i n g t h e i r r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s . However, i n c o n t r a s t t o t h e i r e x p e r i e n c e s i n these other r e l a t i o n s h i p s , the women appear t o accept a great d e a l of r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r the treatment they r e c e i v e from the men i n t h e i r l i v e s . T h i s i s e v i d e n t i n t h e i r e f f o r t s t o l o c a t e q u a l i t i e s and/or behaviours w i t h i n themselves t h a t w i l l e x p l a i n t h e i r p a t t e r n s of poor i n t i m a t e r e l a t i o n s h i p s . Summary The f i v e women's d e s c r i p t i o n s of t h e i r f a m i l i a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s are punctuated with h o s t i l e i n t e r a c t i o n s and f e e l i n g s of sadness and l o s s r e g a r d i n g the damaged tones of these important r e l a t i o n s h i p s . In terms of t h e i r mothers, the women are able t o i d e n t i f y s e v e r a l dynamics which have r e s u l t e d i n the predominantly d i s t a n t and damaged nature of t h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p . In e x p r e s s i n g t h e i r wishes t o r e p a i r t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers, the women i d e n t i f y t h i s as a p i v o t a l r e l a t i o n s h i p i n t h e i r l i v e s . A lthough even i n t h e i r c h i l d h o o d s the women e x p e r i e n c e d t h e i r f a t h e r s as u n c a r i n g and u n i n v o l v e d i n t h e i r l i v e s , they r e p o r t d e s p e r a t e l y wanting h i s a t t e n t i o n . At pre s e n t , each of the women have a r r i v e d at a d e c i s i o n t o e s t a b l i s h d e f i n i t e boundaries i n t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r f a t h e r s . For some, t h i s has n e c e s s i t a t e d s e v e r i n g c o n t a c t with him while f o r ot h e r s , t h i s has meant c o n t a c t t h a t i s d i c t a t e d by them and not t h e i r f a t h e r s . 71 Each of the women i d e n t i f y a s i n g l e p o s i t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p i n t h e i r l i v e s and f o r a l l the women t h i s i s with a s i b l i n g . The i n t i m a t e r e l a t i o n s h i p s d i s c u s s e d by the women appear t o be where they r e s t t h e i r hopes f o r a "h e a l t h y " c o n n e c t i o n t h a t i s o u t s i d e the realm of the a l r e a d y d y s f u n c t i o n a l f a m i l y system. However, the d e s c r i p t i o n s of these r e l a t i o n s h i p s and the women's s t r u g g l e s t o change e x i s t i n g p a t t e r n s suggest t h a t t h e i r quest f o r a " h e a l t h y " r e l a t i o n s h i p i n the world has not yet become a r e a l i t y . Chapter V D i s c u s s i o n A major focus of t h i s chapter i s the e x p l o r a t i o n of the common themes t h a t emerged from the f i v e respondents' accounts of t h e i r e x p e r i e n c e s of r e l a t i o n s h i p s with f a m i l y members and t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with male p a r t n e r s . T h i s i s f o l l o w e d by a d i s c u s s i o n of the s p e c i a l s i g n i f i c a n c e of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p as experie n c e d by the f i v e respondents. A p r o f i l e i s compiled of the womens'experiences of themselves i n , and as a r e s u l t of these r e l a t i o n s h i p s , by summarizing the impact of the r e l a t i o n s h i p s . Other areas of focus w i t h i n t h i s chapter i n c l u d e the t h e r a p e u t i c , t h e o r e t i c a l and r e s e a r c h i m p l i c a t i o n s of the present study. The l i m i t a t i o n s of the study are a l s o d i s c u s s e d . The mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p and the daughter's e x p e r i e n c e of  s e l f The purpose of t h i s study was to e x p l o r e the r e l a t i o n s h i p s between a d u l t s u r v i v o r s of f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t u o u s abuse and t h e i r mothers. The respondents d i s c u s s e d s e v e r a l other r e l a t i o n s h i p s as they e l a b o r a t e d on the v a r i o u s aspects of t h e i r mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s . A l l f i v e women independently i d e n t i f i e d and d i s c u s s e d t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r f a t h e r s and with t h e i r s i b l i n g s . A l l f i v e a l s o d e s c r i b e d aspects of r e l a t i o n s h i p s with male p a r t n e r s . However, the c e n t r a l focus of the i n t e r v i e w s was the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p . The most s i g n i f i c a n t f i n d i n g was t h a t these women f i r m l y b e l i e v e d 73 t h a t t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers (both a c t u a l and desire d ) s i g n i f i c a n t l y determined how they e x p e r i e n c e d themselves and o t h e r s i n the world. As evidenced by the common themes, t h e r e were n o t a b l e s i m i l a r i t i e s i n the f i v e women's d e s c r i p t i o n s of t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s . To f a c i l i t a t e convenient and c o n c i s e p r e s e n t a t i o n of the m a t e r i a l i n t h i s chapter, the r e p o r t e d experiences of the women w i l l be r e f e r r e d t o as one. As the themes of r e l a t i o n s h i p s o u t l i n e d i n the p r e c e d i n g chapter i n d i c a t e , the p a r t i c i p a n t d e s c r i b e s a predominantly d y s f u n c t i o n a l r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother, f a t h e r , s i b l i n g s and i n t i m a t e p a r t n e r s . For example, she r e p o r t s her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother as be i n g damaged from as f a r back as she can remember. Her awareness of the neg a t i v e tone of her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her f a t h e r i s a rec e n t i n s i g h t of only p a r t i a l awareness f o r the daughter. She a l s o b e l i e v e s t h a t a l l the r e l a t i o n s h i p s she d i s c u s s e d have had d e t r i m e n t a l e f f e c t s on how she f e e l s about h e r s e l f , and/or the ways i n which she experiences the world. However, she b e l i e v e s t h a t the most d e t r i m e n t a l r e l a t i o n s h i p has been and contin u e s t o be her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother. Apparently, she sees t h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p as having the g r e a t e s t i n f l u e n c e on her sense of s e l f and her sense of s e l f i n r e l a t i o n t o o t h e r s . S i g n i f i c a n c e of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p S e v e r a l elements c o n t r i b u t e t o the daughter's i d e n t i f i c a t i o n of her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother as her frame of r e f e r e n c e f o r her r e l a t i o n a l e x p e r i e n c e s . T h i s i d e n t i f i c a t i o n 74 appears to be a r e s u l t of the daughter's u n f o l d i n g r e a l i z a t i o n of the r a m i f i c a t i o n s of her l a r g e l y n e g a t i v e mother-daughter e x p e r i e n c e s . Much of t h i s a w a r e n e s s / r e a l i z a t i o n has s u r f a c e d i n her therapy. Embedded w i t h i n the themes of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p are the l e s s o n s of having e x p e r i e n c e d c o n d i t i o n a l acceptance, such as being accepted as mother's c o n f i d a n t e a g a i n s t the f a t h e r or the world at l a r g e . Her p e r c e p t i o n of her mother " p i t t i n g " s i b l i n g s a g a i n s t one another has convinced her t h a t her mother i s not able to accept and love a l l the c h i l d r e n as e q u a l s . Instead, the daughter has come t o b e l i e v e t h a t her mother can only l o v e one c h i l d by r e j e c t i n g another. In the p r o c e s s of d e s c r i b i n g the d y s f u n c t i o n a l h i s t o r y of her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother, she expresses f e e l i n g s of shame or d i s c o m f o r t f o r p l a c i n g blame on her mother f o r many t h i n g s i n c l u d i n g awareness about the i n c e s t . She a l s o expresses immense remorse at the tone of her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother and r e p o r t s t h a t she e x p e r i e n c e s a sense of h e l p l e s s n e s s about her a b i l i t y t o h e a l t h i s a p p a r e n t l y p i v o t a l r e l a t i o n s h i p . Furthermore, the daughter r e l a t e s her apprehensions about her mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p to f e a r s f o r h e r s e l f . The f i r s t of these f e a r s i s t h a t she might remain "stuck" i n her own development, i f somehow she does not accept her mother and i n t u r n i s not accepted by her mother. Secondly, the p a r t i c i p a n t ' s d i a l o g u e s t r o n g l y suggests t h a t she o f t e n e x p e r i e n c e s a l a c k of s e p a r a t i o n between h e r s e l f and her mother. T h i s profound i n t e r -dependency between the daughter and her mother emerges as the 75 most s i g n i f i c a n t aspect of t h i s mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p . The daughter's p e r c e i v e d l a c k of separateness from her mother suggests the daughter's experience of "being empty of o n e s e l f . " D e s c r i b e d by B a l i n t ( 1 9 6 3 ) , Women who f e e l empty of themselves f e e l t h a t they are not b e i n g accorded a separate r e a l i t y nor the agency t o i n t e r p r e t the world i n t h e i r own way. T h i s f e e l i n g has i t s o r i g i n s i n the e a r l y mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p ( B a l i n t c i t e d i n Chodorow, 1973, p . 1 0 0 ) . In a d d i t i o n , the daughter a l s o b e l i e v e s t h a t her sense of s e l f and p e r s o n a l s t r e n g t h can emerge only i f her mother were somehow able to change. As one daughter a r t i c u l t e s , "...For me [ i t a l i c s added] to be f r e e , I need her [ i t a l i c s added] t o be." Although the daughter can i d e n t i f y s e v e r a l f e a r s and dilemmas a s s o c i a t e d with her mother, she cannot always a r t i c u l a t e why she p e r c e i v e s the r e l a t i o n s h i p as having such a s t r o n g i n f l u e n c e on her development of s e l f . One p l a u s i b l e e x p l a n a t i o n can be found i n L e r n e r ' s (1989) s u g g e s t i o n t h a t " . . . b e f o r e a n y t h i n g e l s e , we are daughters" ( p . 1 8 3 ) . The daughter i n t h i s study i s s t r u g g l i n g t o a r t i c u l a t e and comprehend the meaning of t h i s complex r e l a t i o n s h i p . She i s i n the process of " s o r t i n g through" the maze of her emotions and behaviours t h a t she r e a l i z e s are connected to or embedded i n her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother. In her adulthood, the daughter has become keenly aware t h a t " . . . l i v i n g i s an i n t e r a c t i v e and d i a l e c t i c p r o c e s s " (Rubin, 1983, p. 11) and f i n d s h e r s e l f r e - e x p e r i e n c i n g her 76 incomplete e a r l y s t r u g g l e s around s e p a r a t i o n and u n i t y — namely, her s t r u g g l e s with her mother. Impact of r e l a t i o n s h i p s on daughter's sense of s e l f and s e l f i n  r e l a t i o n s h i p t o others The p a r t i c i p a n t a l s o attempts t o i d e n t i f y the harmful e f f e c t s of her experience of her r e l a t i o n s h i p s w i t h her f a t h e r , s i b l i n g s and i n t i m a t e p a r t n e r s . Even though the woman cannot always a r t i c u l a t e how these r e l a t i o n s h i p s have and continue t o a f f e c t her, she i s cognizant of being i n f l u e n c e d by them. As with the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p , the e f f e c t s of these other r e l a t i o n s h i p s t h a t she r e p o r t s are p a r t i c u l a r l y d i s c e r n i b l e when a t t e n d i n g t o the woman's ex p r e s s i o n s about her experie n c e of h e r s e l f . In r e l a t i o n t o her f a t h e r , the daughter was p a i n f u l l y aware t h a t h i s in c e s t u o u s abuse and emotional n e g l e c t of her have s i g n i f i c a n t and l a s t i n g e f f e c t s on her a b i l i t y t o t r u s t and on her f e e l i n g s of s e l f - w o r t h . She expresses the overwhelmingly s t r o n g b e l i e f t h a t she has not f e l t v a l u e d by her f a t h e r . Her continuous and u n s u c c e s s f u l attempts t o o b t a i n her f a t h e r ' s love and a t t e n t i o n have served t o strengthen her b e l i e f t h a t no matter what she does, she i s not worthy of a man's l o v e . Two p o i n t s merit d i s c u s s i o n when comparing the r e p o r t s of the daughter's r e l a t i o n s h i p with each parent. The f i r s t p o i n t concerns the harmful e f f e c t s on the daughter of the i n c e s t i t s e l f . Although the woman e l a b o r a t e s more on the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p , at no p o i n t i n the i n t e r v i e w does she compare the 77 impact of her t r o u b l e d mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p t o the impact of the in c e s t u o u s abuse. Her i d e n t i f i c a t i o n of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p as being p i v o t a l i s not done wi t h any m i n i m i z a t i o n of the impact of the i n c e s t . The n e g a t i v e and i n a p p r o p r i a t e aspects of her f a t h e r ' s behaviour toward her are c o n c r e t e l y i d e n t i f i e d by the daughter. She r e p o r t s t h a t i n the course of her t h e r a p e u t i c work, once she was abl e t o understand t h a t what he had done t o her was wrong and contravened h i s f a t h e r l y r o l e , she was able t o make a d e c i s i o n about l e s s e n i n g or s e v e r i n g c o n t a c t with him. She has some r e a l i z a t i o n t h a t her on-going d e s i r e f o r h i s approval shows her t h a t he co n t i n u e s t o exe r t h i s power over her. However, f o r the most p a r t , by l i m i t i n g or s e v e r i n g her cont a c t with him, she has come to f e e l l e s s and l e s s overwhelmed by h i s power. The second p o i n t concerns the daughter's s t r u g g l e s t o separate from her pa r e n t s . S e p a r a t i o n from her f a t h e r i s based on the daughter's p e r c e i v e d needs f o r f u t u r e emotional s a f e t y and growth. Although the daughter s t a t e s t h a t she s t i l l harbours hopes of one day r e c e i v i n g genuine acceptance by her f a t h e r , she i s r e s o l u t e i n her d e c i s i o n t o not have her f a t h e r i n her l i f e . S e p a r a t i o n from her mother appears t o be a f a r r i s k i e r and f r i g h t e n i n g p o s s i b i l i t y than i s s e p a r a t i o n from the abusive f a t h e r . Although the daughter i s able t o r e c a l l and r e p o r t i n c i d e n c e s of maternal n e g l e c t and r e j e c t i o n , she i s unable t o c l e a r l y s t a t e t h a t she can or t h a t she wants t o end the r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother. Even the a n t i c i p a t i o n of the l o s s 78 of her mother i s more d i s t r e s s i n g than the r e a l i t y of her f a t h e r ' s absence i n her l i f e . The daughter's past attempts t o d i s t a n c e h e r s e l f from her mother helped only as s h o r t - t e r m r e p r i e v e s from the d i s t u r b i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p . T h i s has l e d t o her r e a l i z a t i o n t h a t d i s t a n c i n g or s e v e r i n g i s not the a p p r o p r i a t e r e s o l u t i o n f o r her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother. Lerner (1989) s t a t e s t h a t d i s t a n c i n g as a r e s o l u t i o n f o r the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p f a i l s because " . . . i n [her] attempts t o p r e s e r v e a pseudoharmonious "we," the [daughter] s a c r i f i c e s the " I " (p.189). In a d d i t i o n , the daughter's e f f o r t s t o salvage a " p e a c e f u l " r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother has r e q u i r e d t h a t she remain s i l e n t r e g a r d i n g her g r i e v a n c e s about her experiences of n e g l e c t by her mother as w e l l as her anger toward, and on-going needs f o r her mother i n her l i f e . The daughter i s i n the process of r e a l i z i n g t h a t she needs t o express her g r i e v a n c e s to her mother and appears t o be p r e p a r i n g h e r s e l f t o hear her mother's s i d e of t h i n g s , f o r perhaps the f i r s t time i n t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p with each other. The daughter's d i f f i c u l t i e s i n s e p a r a t i n g from her mother are confounded by her f e e l i n g f u s e d or a t t a c h e d t o her mother. Thus, her experience of her attempts t o d i s t a n c e or separate from her mother i s d i f f e r e n t from her exper i e n c e of the s e p a r a t i o n from her f a t h e r . With the former, her e n e r g i e s are channeled toward her hope and search f o r ways by which the l i f e -l o n g course of the r e l a t i o n s h i p can be changed and improved. The daughter's needs f o r r e c i p r o c i t y and conne c t i o n are evidenced by the e x p r e s s i o n of a s t r o n g d e s i r e t o have her mother i n v o l v e d i n 79 the p rocess of h e a l i n g the r e l a t i o n s h i p . With r e g a r d t o other f a m i l i a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s , the almost e x c l u s i v e l y c o m p e t i t i v e nature of her s i b l i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s has i n s t i l l e d i n her the b e l i e f t h a t one wins at the expense of someone e l s e ' s l o s s . Since she was u s u a l l y at the l o s i n g ends of the c h i l d h o o d b a t t l e s with her s i b l i n g s , she has come t o b e l i e v e t h a t she does not deserve to win and f i n d s d i f f i c u l t i e s i n a s s e r t i n g her needs as she does not appear to see h e r s e l f and her concerns worth f i g h t i n g f o r . The p a r t i c i p a n t ' s experiences i n her i n t i m a t e r e l a t i o n s h i p s emerge as the r e l a t i o n s h i p s w i t h i n which a l l of her n e g a t i v e b e l i e f s about h e r s e l f are b e i n g p l a y e d out. T h i s i s the arena i n which she has become aware of the n e g a t i v e impacts of her c h i l d h o o d f a m i l i a l e x p e r i e n c e s . Furthermore, i n her s t r u g g l e s to change the d y s f u n c t i o n a l nature of her i n t i m a t e r e l a t i o n s h i p s , the woman senses t h a t these d i f f i c u l t i e s are somehow connected to her e a r l i e r r e l a t i o n s h i p s . Her experiences here appear t o be the embodiment of Rubin's (1983) c l a i m t h a t "...we must look t o c h i l d h o o d i f we are to understand c e r t a i n c e n t r a l elements of adulthood" (p. 44). In drawing a s t r o n g connection between her p e r c e p t i o n s and e x p eriences of the predominantly d y s f u n c t i o n a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n her l i f e , the p a r t i c i p a n t a l s o e x p l o r e s the ways i n which they have shaped her experience of h e r s e l f i n the world. She can d e s c r i b e her l a c k of s e l f - w o r t h as a r e s u l t of having e x p e r i e n c e d repeated r e j e c t i o n s and n e g l e c t i n these r e l a t i o n s h i p s . In the 80 process of the r e s e a r c h i n t e r v i e w , the p a r t i c i p a n t was able t o d e s c r i b e the d e v a l u a t i o n , m i n i m i z a t i o n , condescension and i n v a l i d a t i o n she has experienced i n a l l of her important r e l a t i o n s h i p s . In d e s c r i b i n g these l a r g e l y n e g a t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p s , she begins t o r e a l i z e t h a t the q u a l i t y of these experiences have r e s u l t e d i n her i n t e r n a l i z a t i o n of h e r s e l f as unworthy of l o v e and acceptance. Summary The p a r t i c i p a n t experiences and r e p o r t s her f a m i l i a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s as being damaged. The harmful impact of the v a r i o u s damaged r e l a t i o n s h i p s are experienced most s e v e r e l y i n terms of the development of her sense of s e l f and i n t u r n , i n her r e l a t i o n s h i p s with o t h e r s . The d y s f u n c t i o n a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s e x p e r i e n c e d by the woman have r e s u l t e d i n t h r e e c e n t r a l i s s u e s which she expe r i e n c e s as b a r r i e r s to her p e r s o n a l growth: the daughter has come t o r e a l i z e t h a t she has not ex p e r i e n c e d b e i n g accepted and l o v e d f o r who she was and i s . Loving has been absent or c o n d i t i o n a l i n a l l the r e l a t i o n s h i p s she d e s c r i b e s . As a r e s u l t , "...she was l e f t hungry f o r love while not knowing how t o t r u s t i t , accept i t and f e e l i n g undeserving of i t " (Norwood, 1985, p.15). The second b a r r i e r appears t o be the daughter's e x p e r i e n c e / r e a l i z a t i o n (present i n g r e a t e r or l e s s e r degrees i n a l l f i v e women) t h a t she has i n t e r n a l i z e d her own l a c k of worth as a r e s u l t of not having f e l t v a l i d a t e d i n her fo r m a t i v e y e a r s . Her need t o be needed and/or used by others have been her only measure of her own worth. As a r e s u l t , she tends t o form anxious 81 and tenuous attachments with o t h e r s . The t h i r d b a r r i e r i s the daughter's i d e n t i f i c a t i o n of her experience of h e r s e l f i n the world as b e i n g a l i e n , alone, unloved and u n l o v a b l e . Since she f e e l s so d i f f e r e n t from others, she a l s o appers t o experi e n c e the world as an u n t r u s t i n g p l a c e t h a t w i l l not understand her experiences or be sympathetic t o her concerns. The maternal r e l a t i o n s h i p i s i d e n t i f i e d by the daughter as the r e l a t i o n s h i p which she b e l i e v e s t o have had a very s i g n i f i c a n t impact on her l i f e . She b e l i e v e s t h a t as a r e s u l t of not having e x p e r i e n c e d a p o s i t i v e maternal presence i n her l i f e , she has had no arena i n which t o f e e l n u r t u r e d and l e a r n how t o nu r t u r e o t h e r s . As an a d u l t woman, she i s keenly aware of not having a mutually s a t i s f y i n g mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p . Along with t h a t awareness i s the growing r e a l i z a t i o n t h a t her own i s s u e s of "...primary i d e n t i f i c a t i o n , l ove, dependence and s e p a r a t i o n are a l l t i e d i n t o her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother" (Chodorow, 1989, p.193). C o n c l u s i o n s The f i n d i n g s of the present study c o n f i r m the complexity of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p as i t has been ex p e r i e n c e d by the a d u l t daughter. The p a r t i c i p a n t ' s need t o e x p l o r e her other f a m i l i a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n order t o f u l l y e x p l o r e her experi e n c e of her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother suggests t h a t the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p cannot be m e a n i n g f u l l y examined or understood when i t i s i s o l a t e d or e x t r a c t e d from i t s f a m i l i a l c o n t e x t . The same appears t o h o l d t r u e f o r e x p l o r i n g any of these 82 other r e l a t i o n s h i p s ; the i n t e r a c t i o n a l dynamics of f a m i l i a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s must be attended t o i n any meaningful e x p l o r a t i o n of the inc e s t u o u s f a m i l y s t r u c t u r e . In a d d i t i o n t o i d e n t i f y i n g her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother as the most important r e l a t i o n s h i p i n her l i f e , she a l s o i d e n t i f i e s i t s f a r - r e a c h i n g impact i n terms of the development of her sense of s e l f and her experience of the world. One can hypot h e s i z e t h a t the daughter a t t r i b u t e s such s i g n i f i c a n c e t o t h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p because her i d e n t i t y as an a d u l t woman i s d e r i v e d from her experiences with her mother. "...The mother i s ....the primary c a r e - g i v e r i n i n f a n c y . And no f a c t of our l i f e has g r e a t e r consequences f o r how g i r l s develop.... i n t o women, t h e r e f o r e f o r how we r e l a t e to each other i n our a d u l t y e a r s " (Rubin, 1983, pp. 42-43). The mother and f a t h e r are not the same k i n d of parent and t h e r e f o r e , the nature and i n t e n s i t y of a c h i l d ' s r e l a t i o n s h i p t o them d i f f e r as does the r e l a t i o n s h i p ' s degree of e x c l u s i v e n e s s (Chodorow, 1989). The daughter i n the present study does not re p o r t having been c a r e d f o r by any other s i g n i f i c a n t woman i n her l i f e and t h e r e f o r e her only frame of r e f e r e n c e f o r i d e n t i f i c a t i o n as a woman i s t i e d up i n her d y s f u n c t i o n a l r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother. Given t h e i r l i f e -l ong n e g a t i v e i n t e r a c t i o n s , and with a l a c k of d i r e c t i o n f o r r e p a i r i n g t h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p , the p i v o t a l s i g n i f i c a n c e she a t t r i b u t e s t o her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother i s understandable. Her f e a r of r e p e a t i n g her mother's l i f e i s a l s o not s u r p r i s i n g g i v e n the daughter's experience of a l a c k of separateness between h e r s e l f and her mother. I m p l i c a t i o n s f o r c o u n s e l l i n g T h i s study's f i n d i n g s have important i m p l i c a t i o n s f o r c o u n s e l l i n g a d u l t s u r v i v o r s of incestuous abuse. The p a r t i c i p a n t s i n the pr e s e n t study a l l r e p o r t e d having had poor t h e r a p e u t i c e x p e r i e n c e s . I t i s p o s s i b l e t h a t t h e r a p i s t s working w i t h t h i s p o p u l a t i o n of c l i e n t s are not always aware of the importance of t h e i r c l i e n t s ' past and c u r r e n t r e l a t i o n a l e x periences and the impact of these r e l a t i o n s h i p s on the c l i e n t s ' p r e s e n t i s s u e s . Often, t h e r a p e u t i c work with i n c e s t s u r v i v o r s focuses e x c l u s i v e l y on the inc e s t u o u s r e l a t i o n s h i p and the concomitant e f f e c t s ( C o u r t o i s , 1988). Ac c o r d i n g to the experiences r e p o r t e d by the pre s e n t sample, such a narrow focus i s exp e r i e n c e d as inadequate by the c l i e n t s . I t appears important t h a t t h e r a p i s t s who work with c l i e n t s who have had incestuous experiences, are s e n s i t i v e t o the s p e c i a l t h e r a p e u t i c needs of these c l i e n t s , and have the e x p e r t i s e t o h e l p t h e i r c l i e n t s address a l l the r e l e v a n t r e l a t i o n a l concerns. The women i n t h i s study, not u n l i k e many s u r v i v o r s of c h i l d h o o d sexual abuse, experienced m u l t i p l e traumas i n c l u d i n g i n c e s t u o u s abuse by t h e i r f a t h e r s and s i b l i n g s , the d e t r i m e n t a l e f f e c t s of d y s f u n c t i o n a l f a m i l i a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s and, d i f f i c u l t i e s encountered i n t h e i r c u r r e n t i n t i m a t e r e l a t i o n s h i p s . The harmful e f f e c t s of a l l these r e l a t i o n s h i p s e x p e r i e n c e d by these women appear t o be b a r r i e r s i n a t t a i n i n g p e r s o n a l growth and s e l f -development. T h e i r ongoing s t r u g g l e s t o process and understand 84 the dynamics of t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mother are e s p e c i a l l y d i f f i c u l t and may need to be worked through w i t h i n a t h e r a p e u t i c c o n t e x t . In c o u n s e l l i n g a d u l t s u r v i v o r s of c h i l d h o o d i n c e s t u o u s abuse, i t appears necessary to e x p l o r e the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p e x p e r i e n c e d by the c l i e n t s . The c o u n s e l l o r may need t o be aware of the c r i t i c a l dynamics of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p and of the daughter's p e r c e p t i o n s of the i n f l u e n c e the r e l a t i o n s h i p has on her. The p e r s o n a l meaning of the daughter's r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother cannot be known u n t i l the daughter has an o p p o r t u n i t y to express what she b e l i e v e s she has l o s t or not e x p e r i e n c e d i n her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother. The f i v e women i n t e r v i e w e d i n t h i s study emphasized the c e n t r a l i t y of t h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p i n t h e i r l i v e s . T h i s c e n t r a l i t y appears to be t i e d i n with the e a r l y mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p as w e l l as with the women's c u r r e n t needs to "work through" unaddressed i s s u e s so t h a t these daughters can understand and p o s s i b l y assuage t h e i r f e a r s of being " l i k e t h e i r mothers." Unless these aspects of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p are expressed, understood, and addressed i n therapy, the daughters' most potent f e e l i n g s toward t h e i r mothers may be of overwhelming ambivalence. Given t h a t the daughters draw s t r o n g connections between t h e i r mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s and t h e i r own sense of s e l f , i t i s p o s s i b l e t h a t they a l s o experience s t r o n g ambivalence toward themselves. The c o u n s e l l o r should r e c o g n i z e the impact of the 85 experiences of i n v a l i d a t i o n t h a t these women may a s s o c i a t e with t h e i r mothers. The e x t r a o r d i n a r y ambivalence t h a t these women experience toward the mother must a l s o be allowed t o f i n d e x p r e s s i o n . There i s o f t e n a great d e a l of shame i n e x p r e s s i n g anger toward a parent and t h i s may e f f e c t i v e l y stop many women from r e c o g n i z i n g t h e i r r e a l f e e l i n g s (Caplan, 1 9 8 9 ) . These women have l i v e d a gre a t d e a l of t h e i r l i v e s keeping t h e i r i n c e s t e xperience a s e c r e t . The d i s c u s s i o n s of the f i v e p a r t i c i p a n t s i n the pre s e n t study i n d i c a t e t h a t they have not always f e l t f r e e to ex p l o r e and express the f e e l i n g s of anger, rage and disappointment t h a t were mixed with t h e i r f e e l i n g s o f lov e and need f o r both t h e i r p a r e n t s . T h i s d e n i a l or s u p p r e s s i o n of t r u e f e e l i n g s may w e l l serve to add to the emotional burden t h a t these women a l r e a d y bear. As Lerner (1977) s t a t e s , anger and p r o t e s t not only h e l p the woman to experience her d i g n i t y and r e s p e c t f o r h e r s e l f , they h e l p her to take a courageous and necessary r i s k t o stand alone without the r e l i a n c e on approval from o t h e r s . In the c o u n s e l l i n g process, the o p p o r t u n i t y t o r e f l e c t on the meaning the daughter attaches to her e a r l y and c u r r e n t r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother may pr o v i d e an arena f o r her to r e c e i v e v a l i d a t i o n f o r her f e e l i n g s . T h i s may p r o v i d e the f i r s t s t ep i n the woman's s t r u g g l e with her i s s u e s of s e l f worth and a f f i r m a t i o n and may help teach her to v a l i d a t e , accept, and t r u s t her own f e e l i n g s . What the daughter as a c h i l d expected and d i d not r e c e i v e from her mother may need to be e x p l o r e d and d i s t i n g u i s h e d from what i s r e a l i s t i c f o r her to expect as an 86 a d u l t w i t h i n t h i s d i f f i c u l t mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p . The c o u n s e l l o r may a l s o need t o focus on h e l p i n g the woman e x p l o r e what aspects of her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother she b e l i e v e s she i s moving away from and c l a r i f y what she needs and wants t o move toward i n terms of t h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p . W i thin a s u p p p o r t i v e and c a r i n g t h e r a p e u t i c r e l a t i o n s h i p , the c o u n s e l l o r may h e l p the c l i e n t t o e x p l o r e and develop newer p e r s p e c t i v e s on her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother. Since the daughter appears t o draw connections between her mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p and her experience of s e l f , the refr a m i n g and r e s t r u c t u r i n g of the impact of the e a r l y r e l a t i o n s h i p on her s e l f - p e r c e p t i o n may h e l p t o develop a q u a l i t a t i v e l y d i f f e r e n t awareness and experie n c e of h e r s e l f i n the world. G r i e f i s an i n t e g r a l p a r t of these daughters' e x p e r i e n c e s . The c a r i n g and n u r t u r i n g maternal " b i r t h r i g h t " i s p e r c e i v e d by these women as a v o i d i n t h e i r l i v e s . From t h i s emerges s t r o n g f e e l i n g s of anger toward t h e i r mothers as w e l l as sadness f o r themselves. G r i e f c o u n s e l l i n g focused on the experience of l o s s may be f a c i l i t a t i v e i n a l l o w i n g the women to acknowledge and/or mourn t h a t l o s s . The women may r e q u i r e a s s i s t a n c e i n e x p r e s s i n g the range of a f f e c t a s s o c i a t e d with the g r i e f . The c o u n s e l l o r may need t o v a l i d a t e the r e a l i t y of the l o s s of the r e l a t i o n s h i p and the n o r m a l i t y of the g r i e f these women expe r i e n c e . Based on the data o b t a i n e d from the f i v e women i n t h i s study, i t appears t h a t s e p a r a t i o n from the mother i s not the expected g o a l i n c o u n s e l l i n g . Instead, the daughters express 87 s t r o n g d e s i r e s to e x p l o r e the p o s s i b i l i t i e s of h e a l i n g t h e i r mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s . T h i s i m p l i e s t h a t they hope to f i n d ways to have a r e l a t i o n s h i p with t h e i r mothers t h a t are q u a l i t a t i v e l y d i f f e r e n t from what they have e x p e r i e n c e d thus f a r . I t i s p o s s i b l e t h a t the r e l a t i o n s h i p s between these daughters and t h e i r mothers cannot be molded i n t o the popular, i d e a l i z e d c o n c e p t u a l i z a t i o n and e x p e c t a t i o n s of r e l a t i o n s h i p s between mothers and daughters (Caplan, 1989; Chodorow, 1978; Rubin, 1983). The daughters express not having been n u r t u r e d and c a r e d f o r by t h e i r mothers i n ways t h a t they have come t o c o n c e p t u a l i z e maternal bonding and l o v i n g to be. Given t h a t , i t might be u n r e a l i s t i c t o expect t h a t they can now or l a t e r have the k i n d of mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s t h a t make up the s o c i e t a l l y adhered t o concepts of "good" mothering. Instead, one of the g o a l s of therapy might be to h e l p the daughters become aware of t h e i r acceptance of s o c i e t a l e x p e c t a t i o n s of mothering which i s i n c o n t r a s t t o t h e i r a c t u a l experiences of being mothered. T h i s awareness, i f a c c e p t a b l e to the daughters, might f a c i l i t a t e a process of " l e t t i n g go" of u n r e a l i s t i c and u n a t t a i n a b l e hopes and of r e p l a c i n g them with more p l a u s i b l e ones. I t might a l s o h e l p to normalize some of these daughters' experiences with t h e i r mothers s i n c e many other daughters, from a v a r i e t y of f a m i l y backgrounds, have e x p e r i e n c e d t h a t the p e r f e c t mother may only e x i s t i n t h e o r y . T h e o r e t i c a l I m p l i c a t i o n s Although the r o l e of the mother i n f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t 88 has l o n g been the s u b j e c t of study and/or d i s c u s s i o n (Cormier et a l . , 1962; F i n k e l h o r , 1984; Herman, 1981; Herman & Hirschman, 1977; Kaufman et a l . , 1954; L u s t i g et a l . , 1966; Machotka et a l . , 1967; Mrazek & Bentovim, 1987; S g r o i & Dana, 1982), r e s e a r c h has not been conducted s p e c i f i c a l l y on the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p . The m a j o r i t y of the e x i s t i n g s t u d i e s have focused on i d e n t i f y i n g the n e g a t i v e p e r s o n a l c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s of the mothers (Cormier et a l . ; Kaufman et a l . ; L u s t i g et a l . ; Machotka et a l . ) . One c o n c l u s i o n a r r i v e d at by these and other r e s e a r c h e r s who have e x p l o r e d the incestuous f a m i l y i s t h a t mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n incestuous f a m i l i e s are damaged (Cormier et a l . ; Herman & Hirschman, 1977; Kaufman et a l . ; L u s t i g et a l . ; Machotka et a l . ) . R e s u l t s of the present study s u b s t a n t i a t e these f i n d i n g s . Herman and Hirschman (1977) r e p o r t e d t h a t the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s of t h e i r sample were damaged p r i o r t o the occurrence of the i n c e s t . For 4 of the 5 women i n the p r e s e n t study, t h e r e was no p r e - i n c e s t r e l a t i o n s h i p t o e x p l o r e as t h e i r f a t h e r s began abusing them while the daughters were i n t h e i r i n f a n c y . The 5th p a r t i c i p a n t p r e s e n t s c o n t r a d i c t o r y i n f o r m a t i o n about her age at the onset of the abuse. However, she does not r e p o r t a time when th e r e was a s i g n i f i c a n t s h i f t i n the tone of her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother. Many of the s t u d i e s have a l s o g e n e r a l l y a t t r i b u t e d g r e a t e r r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r the i n c e s t t o the mother's p e r s o n a l d e f i c i t , than t o the abusive f a t h e r f o r h i s behaviour (e.g., Cormier et a l . 1962; Kaufman et a l . , 1954; L u s t i g et a l . , 1966). The 8 9 daughters i n t h i s study r e p o r t e x p e r i e n c i n g t h e i r mothers as having been g e n e r a l l y u n p r o t e c t i v e toward t h e i r c h i l d r e n and each daughter has a s t r o n g sense t h a t her mother was aware of the i n c e s t when i t was o c c u r r i n g . However, the daughters do not re p o r t t h a t they b e l i e v e t h a t the inces t u o u s abuse/behaviour i t s e l f was the r e s u l t of t h e i r mothers' a c t i o n s , i n a c t i o n s , or p e r s o n a l i t y d e f i c i t s as has been concluded i n p r e v i o u s s t u d i e s (Cormier et a l . / Kaufman et a l . ; L u s t i g et a l . ) . The daughters c l e a r l y p l a c e such r e s p o n s i b i l i t y on the abusive f a t h e r s . I t i s not a b l e t h a t t h r e e of the p a r t i c i p a n t s are not sure why they f e e l t h a t t h e i r mothers knew of the abuse, and even s p e c u l a t e t h a t perhaps t h e i r own s u s p i c i o n s are unfounded. Herman and Hirschman's (1977) f i n d i n g s about the p h y s i c a l and emotional i n c a p a c i t a t i o n s of the mothers are not completely borne out by the present study's sample. Only one daughter r e p o r t s her mother's bouts with d e p r e s s i o n but even she does not d e s c r i b e her mother as being unable t o c a r r y out her household or c h i l d - r e a r i n g r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s . Nor do the women r e p o r t t h e i r mothers as be i n g a l c o h o l a d d i c t e d . The women do r e p o r t e x p e r i e n c i n g t h e i r mothers as "... f r a i l downtrodden v i c t i m s who [are] unable t o take care of themselves, much l e s s p r o t e c t t h e i r c h i l d r e n " (Herman & Hirschman, p. 7 4 5 ). The presen t study a l s o confirms t h e i r f i n d i n g s r e g a r d i n g the daughters' experience of bei n g t h e i r mothers' c o n f i d a n t e s . The daughters i n t h i s study d e s c r i b e s e v e r a l other p a r a l l e l e x p e r i e n c e s t o those of the women i n Herman and Hirschman's 90 (1977) sample. They r e p o r t e x p e r i e n c i n g t h e i r mothers as b e i n g " v i c t i m - l i k e " i n t h e i r g e n e r a l demeanor. One daughter r e p o r t s her f a t h e r ' s p h y s i c a l abuse of her mother. Two of the daughters have i n f o r m a t i o n t h a t t h e i r mothers were v i c t i m s of c h i l d h o o d sexual abuse. A l l the daughters r e p o r t t h e i r f a t h e r s as b e i n g the heads of the f a m i l i e s and each emphasized the f a t h e r s ' power. The daughters d i d not experience t h e i r mothers as having any power i n t h e i r households. The f i n d i n g s of the present study suggest t h a t the almost e x c l u s i v e focus of many of the p r e v i o u s s t u d i e s ' on the c u l p a b i l i t y of the mother as a r e s u l t of her p e r s o n a l i t y d e f i c i e n c i e s i s an inadequate framework f o r u n derstanding the dynamic and i n t e r a c t i o n a l nature of i n c e s t u o u s f a m i l i e s (Cormier et a l . , 1962; Kaufman et a l . , 1954). Furthermore, the preponderence of r e s e a r c h focused on examining the mother's r o l e does not p r o v i d e an adequate or meaningful framework f o r u nderstanding the nature of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p ( L u s t i g et a l . , 1966; Machotka et a l . , 1967; Maisch, 1973). These f i n d i n g s have f a i l e d t o shed l i g h t on the i n t r i c a c i e s and the m u t u a l i t i e s of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p r e p o r t e d by the p a r t i c i p a n t s of the present study. Furthermore, e x i s t i n g s t u d i e s have not examined t h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p i n i t s f a m i l i a l c o n t e x t . T h e r e f o r e , a t h e o r e t i c a l framework does not e x i s t w i t h i n which t h i s type of mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p can be examined. The f i n d i n g s of the present study i l l u m i n a t e t h a t the r e l a t i o n s h i p s between daughters and t h e i r mothers i n f a m i l i e s 91 where f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t occurs must be examined beyond the e x p l o r a t i o n of i n d i v i d u a l r o l e s . Research frameworks which a b s t r a c t the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p from the f a m i l i a l context and simply blame the mother f o r f a i l i n g t o l i v e up t o her t r a d i t i o n a l and gender d i r e c t e d r o l e s , f a l l s h o r t of any meaningful e x p l o r a t i o n by i g n o r i n g the s i g n i f i c a n t impact of the s o c i e t a l and c u l t u r a l norms upon the f a m i l y . The focus and the methodology of the present study allow f o r the e x p l o r a t i o n of the f a m i l i a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n incestuous f a m i l y systems and t h e r e f o r e , can serve as a paradigm f o r d e v e l o p i n g a t h e o r e t i c a l framework. The f i n d i n g s c l e a r l y suggest t h a t the r e l a t i o n s h i p s between mothers and t h e i r i n c e s t u o u s l y abused daughters must be examined w i t h i n a systemic framework which i n c l u d e s e x p l o r a t i o n of the f a m i l i a l norms. Furthermore, the p a r t i c i p a n t s ' c u r r e n t d i f f i c u l t i e s suggest t h a t f u t u r e r e s e a r c h must a l s o take i n t o c o n s i d e r a t i o n the s o c i e t a l and c u l t u r a l c o n t e x t s w i t h i n which such abuse o c c u r s . T h i s i s p a r t i c u l a r l y important i n order t o understand how c u l t u r a l and s o c i e t a l e x p e c t a t i o n s serve t o r e i n f o r c e the d y s f u n c t i o n s of the daughter i n her a d u l t l i f e . The goa l of t h e r a p e u t i c work with s u r v i v o r s of i n c e s t must be t o empower these women. T h i s cannot be e f f e c t i v e l y and r e a l i s t i c a l l y accomplished i f the women's r e l a t i o n a l e x periences are e x t r a c t e d from the context of the world they l i v e i n . Given t h a t the p a r t i c i p a n t s of the present study each i d e n t i f i e d the c e n t r a l i t y of t h e r r e l a t i o n s h i p with t h e i r mothers, the dynamics of t h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p t h e r e f o r e needs t o be e x p l o r e d and understood w i t h i n 92 the f a m i l i a l as w e l l as the s o c i e t a l and c u l t u r a l c o n t e x t s . Research I m p l i c a t i o n s The f i n d i n g s of the present study c o n f i r m the g e n e r a l consensus i n the e x i s t i n g l i t e r a t u r e t h a t the r e l a t i o n s h i p s between mothers and t h e i r i n c e s t u o u s l y abused daughters are damaged (Herman, 1 9 8 1 ; L u s t i g et a l . , 1966; Machotka et a l . , 1 9 6 7 ) . However, the present f i n d i n g s extend the p r e v i o u s works by each p a r i c i p a n t ' s i d e n t i f i e d connection between her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother and her sense of s e l f . In a d d i t i o n , the f i n d i n g s c l e a r l y demonstrate t h a t the a d u l t daughters wish t o h e a l t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers. However, s i n c e the e x p l o r a t i o n of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n i n c e s t u o u s f a m i l i e s i s as yet an unexplored r e s e a r c h area, the dynamic of t h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p and the mechanisms t h a t may f a c i l i t a t e i t s r e s t o r a t i o n are not yet known. The r e f o r e , f u t u r e r e s e a r c h p o s s i b i l i t i e s are v a s t . S e v e r a l r e p e t i t i o n s of v a r i a t i o n s of t h i s r e s e a r c h study would be' v a l u a b l e i n terms of expanding knowledge about the r e l a t i o n s h i p s between mothers and t h e i r abused daughters as w e l l as the meaning of these r e l a t i o n s h i p s f o r the members i n v o l v e d . R e p l i c a t i o n of t h i s study with a l a r g e r sample would f a c i l i t a t e v e r i f i c a t i o n of the f i n d i n g s and expand the i n f o r m a t i o n o b t a i n e d i n the present study. R e p l i c a t i o n s with l a r g e r samples would help t o e i t h e r uncover v a r i a n t p o r t r a i t s or to examine whether these f i v e p a r t i c i p a n t s are r e p o r t i n g experiences t h a t are uniform f o r women with s i m i l a r f a m i l y h i s t o r i e s . S i m i l a r i n f o r m a t i o n may a l s o be o b t a i n e d by i n t e r v i e w i n g a d u l t s u r v i v o r s of i n c e s t or a d u l t 93 women i n g e n e r a l , who have not been i n therapy. In a d d i t i o n t o a l a r g e r sample, t h i s study c o u l d be conducted with both daughters and t h e i r mothers. T h i s would e l i c i t i n f o r m a t i o n from an as yet unexplored source, the mothers. H i s t o r i c a l l y , abused daughters have been the almost e x c l u s i v e s u b j e c t s and focus of such s t u d i e s . The c l i n i c a l p o p u l a t i o n from which r e s e a r c h e r s g e n e r a l l y s e l e c t study s u b j e c t s c o n s i s t s mostly of the s e x u a l l y abused v i c t i m s . S t u d i e s t h a t i n c o r p o r a t e the non-abused c h i l d r e n as w e l l as other f a m i l y members may a l s o p r o v i d e f u r t h e r v a l u a b l e i n f o r m a t i o n about the ways t h a t the f a m i l y i s ex p e r i e n c e d by i t s v a r i o u s members. The c h o i c e of methodology i s c e n t r a l t o de t e r m i n i n g the meaning of the p a r t i c i p a n t s ' r e l a t i o n a l e x p e r i e n c e s . The p e r c e p t i o n s and experiences of these women need r e f l e c t i o n and e x p l o r a t i o n and i t i s important t h a t the methodology used f a c i l i t a t e s these p r o c e s s e s . The r e l a t i o n a l e x p e r i e n c e s of s u r v i v o r s of i n c e s t are too o f t e n laden with l o s s and shame and would l i k e l y be d i f f i c u l t t o access as responses t o s p e c i f i c q u e s t i o n s . L i m i t a t i o n s of the study Sample l i m i t a t i o n s The study r e p o r t e d on the ex p e r i e n c e s of f i v e women. Th i s i s not a l a r g e enough sample t o c o n f i d e n t l y g e n e r a l i z e t o a l a r g e r p o p u l a t i o n of i n c e s t u o u s l y abused women's exper i e n c e s of t h e i r mothers. However, gi v e n the i n - d e p t h e x p l o r a t i o n of experiences and the consensus t h a t emerges i n these f i v e women's s t o r i e s , the f i n d i n g s are l i k e l y t o be 94 a p p l i c a b l e t o other women who have had s i m i l a r e x p e r i e n c e s . The c o r r o b o r a t i o n s of the themes merit f u r t h e r r e s e a r c h and may have i m p l i c a t i o n s f o r t h e r a p e u t i c i n t e r v e n t i o n s . T h i s study r e f l e c t e d the experiences of f i v e a d u l t women who were a l l v o l u n t e e r p a r t i c i p a n t s i n therapy at the time of the i n t e r v i e w s . As a r e s u l t of being i n therapy, a l l the women r e p o r t e d having addressed a number of p e r s o n a l and i n t e r p e r s o n a l i s s u e s . For those women who have not experien c e d therapy, t h e i r a r t i c u l a t i o n s of past r e l a t i o n s h i p s and the e f f e c t s of those r e l a t i o n s h i p s on present f u n c t i o n i n g s might be very d i f f e r e n t . L i m i t a t i o n s of the i n s t r u m e n t a t i o n The compiled data were comprised of s u b j e c t i v e s e l f - r e p o r t s and r e c o l l e c t i o n s of past experiences and p e r c e p t i o n s . As a r e s u l t , one cannot r u l e out the p o s s i b i l i t y of f a u l t y or s e l e c t i v e r e c o l l e c t i o n s . F i n a l l y , the r e s e a r c h e r ' s m u l t i p l e r o l e s of the i n t e r v i e w e r , a n a l y s t , and the data i n t e r p r e t e r of the t r a n s c r i p t s must a l s o be kept i n mind when c o n s i d e r i n g the p o s s i b l e l i m i t a t i o n s of the study. Summary T h i s study e x p l o r e d the nature of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p as i t was experienced by f i v e a d u l t women who i n t h e i r c h i l d h o o d and/or adolescence, were i n c e s t u o u s l y abused by t h e i r b i o l o g i c a l f a t h e r s . A review of the l i t e r a t u r e i n d i c a t e s t h a t the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s i n inces t u o u s f a m i l i e s are t y p i c a l l y f r a u g h t with d i f f i c u l t i e s . However, s t u d i e s have tended to be u n s y s t e m a t i c a l l y conducted and have g e n e r a l l y focused on the s p e c i f i c r o l e s thought to be p l a y e d by the mother i n the 95 genesis and maintainance of f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t (e.g., Cormier et a l . , 1962; Kaufman et a l . , 1954; L u s t i g et a l . , 1966; Machotka et a l . , 1967). Only one study has r e p o r t e d s p e c i f i c a l l y on a number of dynamics of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s (Herman & Hirschman, 1977) . By i n t e r v i e w i n g f i v e a d u l t daughters, the pre s e n t study attempted to e x p l o r e the dynamics of the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p and the impact of t h a t r e l a t i o n s h i p on the expe r i e n c e d by these daughters. R e s u l t s confirmed t h a t these mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s were indeed damaged. However, the daughters expressed s t r o n g d e s i r e s t o h e a l t h e i r r e l a a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r daughters. Furthermore, the daughters i d e n t i f i e d important connections between t h e i r i s s u e s of s e l f and t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers. R e f e r e n c e s B l u m e, E. S. ( 1 9 9 0 ) . S e c r e t s u r v i v o r s : U n c o v e r i n g i n c e s t a n d i t s a f t e r e f f e c t s i n women. New Y o r k : J o h n W i l e y a n d S o n s . B r a v e r m a n , L. ( E d . ) . ( 1 9 8 8 ) . A g u i d e t o f e m i n i s t f a m i l y t h e r a p y . New Y o r k : H a r r i n g t o n P a r k P r e s s . B r i e r e , J . ( 1 9 8 4 ) . The e f f e c t s o f c h i l d h o o d s e x u a l a b u s e on l a t e r p s y c h o l o g i c a l f u n c t i o n i n g : A p o s t - s e x u a l a b u s e s y n d r o m e . C h i l d A b u s e & N e g l e c t , 7, 1 4 3-147. B r i e r e , J . , & R u n t z , M. ( 1 9 8 5 ) . S y m p t o m a t o l o g y a s s o c i a t e d w i t h p r i o r s e x u a l a b u s e i n a n o n - c l i n i c a l s a m p l e . S o c i a l Work, 31, 1 52-157. B u t l e r , S. ( 1 9 7 8 ) . C o n s p i r a c y o f s i l e n c e : The t r a u m a o f i n c e s t . San F r a n c i s c o : New G l i d e . Cammaert, L. P. ( 1 9 8 8 ) . N o n o f f e n d i n g m o t h e r s : A new c o n c e p t u a l i z a t i o n . I n L. E. W a l k e r ( E d . ) , Handbook on s e x u a l  a b u s e o f c h i l d r e n (pp. 3 0 9 - 3 2 5 ) . New Y o r k : S p r i n g e r . C a p l a n , P. J . ( 1 9 8 9 ) . Don't b l a m e m o t h e r : M e n d i n g t h e m o t h e r - d a u g h t e r r e l a t i o n s h i p . New Y o r k : H a r p e r & Row. C a r n e s , P. ( 1 9 8 3 ) . Out o f t h e shadows: U n d e r s t a n d i n g s e x u a l  a d d i c t i o n . M i n n e a p o l i s : C o mpcare. Chodorow, N. ( 1 9 7 8 ) . The r e p r o d u c t i o n o f m o t h e r i n g : P s y c h o a n a l y s i s a n d t h e s o c i o l o g y o f g e n d e r . B e r k e l e y : U n i v e r s i t y o f C a l i f o r n i a P r e s s . C o r m i e r , B. M., K e n n e d y , M., & S a n g o w i c z , J . ( 1 9 6 2 ) . P s y c h o d y n a m i c s o f f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t . C a n a d i a n  P s y c h i a t r i c A s s o c i a t i o n J o u r n a l , 1_, 2 0 3 - 2 1 7 . C o u r t o i s , C. A. (1988). H e a l i n g the i n c e s t wound: A d u l t s u r v i v o r s i n t herapy. New York: Norton. D i n n e r s t e i n , D. (1976). The mermaid and the minotaur: Sexual arrangements abd human malaise. New York: Harper & Row. F a l l e r , K. C. (1988). C h i l d sexual abuse. New York: Columbia U n i v e r s i t y P r e s s . F i n k e l h o r , D. (1979). S e x u a l l y v i c t i m i z e d c h i l d r e n . New York: Free P r e s s . F i n k e l h o r , D. (1984). C h i l d sexual abuse: New the o r y and r e s e a r c h . New York: Free P r e s s . F i n k e l h o r , D. (1986). A sourcebook on c h i l d s e x u a l abuse. B e v e r l y H i l l s : Sage P u b l i c a t i o n s . G i a r e t t o , H. (1976). The treatment of f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t : A p s y c h - s o c i a l approach. C h i l d r e n Today, 34, 2-5. G i o r g i , A. (Ed.). (1985). Phenomenology and p s y c h o l o g i c a l r e s e a r c h . P i t t s b u r g h : Duquesne U n i v e r s i t y P r e s s . Haugaard, J . J . , & Reppucci, N. D. (1988). The sexual abuse of c h i l d r e n . San F r a n c i s c o : Jossey-Bass. Herman, J . (1981). Father-daughter i n c e s t . Cambridge: Harvard U n i v e r s i t y P r e s s . Herman, J . , & Hirschman, L. (1977). Father-daughter i n c e s t . Signs: J o u r n a l of Women i n C u l t u r e and S o c i e t y , 2, 735-756. Herman, J . & Schatzow, E. (1987) Recovery and v e r i f i c a t i o n of memories of c h i l d h o o d sexual trauma. P s y c h o a n a l y t i c Psychology, 4_, 1-14. J u s t i c e , B., & J u s t i c e , R. (1979). The broken taboo: Sex i n the 98 f a m i l y . New York: Human S e r v i c e s P r e s s . Kaufman, I., Peck, A., & T a i g u r i C. (1954). The f a m i l y c o n s t e l l a t i o n and overt i n c e s t u o u s r e l a t i o n s between f a t h e r and daughter. American J o u r n a l of O r t h o p s y c h i a t r y , 24, 2 66-279. Kosof, A. (1985). I n c e s t : F a m i l i e s i n c r i s i s . New York: F r a n k l i n Watts. • Lerner, H. G. (1985). The dance of anger. New York: Harper & Row. Lerner, H. G. (1988) . Women i n therapy. New York: Harper & Row. Lerner, H. G. (1989). The dance of inti m a c y . New York: Harper & Row. L u s t i g , N., Dresser, J . W., Spellman, S. W., & Murray, T. B. (1966) . I n c e s t : A f a m i l y group s u r v i v a l p a t t e r n . A r c h i v e s of General P s y c h a i t r y , 14, 31-40. Machotka, P., Pittman, F. S., & Flomenhaft, K. (1967). Inc e s t as a f a m i l y a f f a i r . Family Process, 6., 98-116. Maisch, H. (1973). I n c e s t . New York: S t e i n & Day. Mayer, A. (1983). I n c e s t : A treatment manual f o r therapy w i t h v i c t i m s , spouses and o f f e n d e r s . Holmes Beach: L e a r n i n g P u b l i c a t i o n s . M c l n t y r e , K. (1981). Role of mothers i n f a t h e r - d a u g h t e r i n c e s t : A f e m i n i s t a n a l y s i s . S o c i a l Work, 26, 462-466. Meiselman, K. (1978). I n c e s t : A p s y c h o l o g i c a l study of causes and e f f e c t s with treatment recommendations. San F r a n c i s c o : Jossey-Bass. M i l l e r , J . B. (1976). Toward a new psychology of women. Boston: Beacon P r e s s . Mrazek, P. B., & Bentovim, A. (1987). Inc e s t and the d y s f u n c t i o n a l f a m i l y system. In P. B. Mrazek & C. H. Kempe (Eds.), S e x u a l l y abused c h i l d r e n and t h e i r f a m i l i e s (pp. 167-178). New York: Pergamon Pr e s s . Myer, M. H. (1985). A new look at mothers of i n c e s t v i c t i m s . J o u r n a l of S o c i a l Work & Human S e x u a l i t y . 3,, 47-58. Norwood, R. (1985). Women who love too much. New York: Pocket Books. P e t e r s , J . J . , (1976). C h i l d r e n who are v i c t i m s of sex u a l a s s a u l t and the psychology of o f f e n d e r s . American J o u r n a l of  Psychotherapy, 30, 398-421. Rubin, L. B. (1983). Intimate s t r a n g e r s . New York: Harper & Row. R u s s e l l , D. E. (1986). The s e c r e t trauma: Incest i n the l i v e s of  g i r l s and women. New York: B a s i c Books. Sedney, M. A., & Brooks, B. (1984). F a c t o r s a s s o c i a t e d w i t h a h i s t o r y of c h i l d h o o d sexual experience i n a n o n c l i n i c a l female p o p u l a t i o n . J o u r n a l of American C h i l d P s y c h i a t r y , 23, 215-218. S g r o i , S. M., & Dana, N. T. (1982). I n d i v i d u a l and group treatmant of mothers of i n c e s t v i c t i m s . In S. M. S g r o i (Ed.), Handbook of c l i n i c a l i n t e r v e n t i o n s i n c h i l d s exual  abuse (pp. 191-124). Lexington: Lexington Books. Summit, R. C. (1983). The c h i l d sexual abuse accommodation syndrome. C h i l d Abuse & Neglect, 1_, 177-193. V a l l e , R. S., & King, M. (1978). E x i s t e n t i a l - p h e n o m e n o l o g i c a l 100 a l t e r n a t i v e s f o r p s y c h o l o g y . New Y o r k : O x f o r d U n i v e r s i t y P r e s s . V a n d e r Mey, B. J . , & N e f f , R. ( 1 9 8 6 ) . I n c e s t a s c h i l d a b u s e . New Y o r k : P r a e g e r . W y a t t , G. E., & P e t e r s , S. D. ( 1 9 8 6 ) . I s s u e s i n t h e d e f i n i t i o n o f c h i l d s e x u a l a b u s e i n p r e v a l e n c e r e s e a r c h . C h i l d A b u s e & N e g l e c t , 10, 2 3 1 - 2 4 0 . W y a t t , G. E., & P e t e r s , S. D. ( 1 9 8 6 ) . M e t h o d o l o g i c a l c o n s i d e r a t i o n i n r e s e a r c h on t h e p r e v a l e n c e o f c h i l d s e x u a l a b u s e . C h i l d A b u s e & N e g l e c t , 10, 2 4 1 - 2 5 1 . 103 Appendix B SUMMARY SHEET: T i t l e of P r o j e c t : A Phenomenological E x p l o r a t i o n of the Mother-Daughter R e l a t i o n s h i p s Experienced by Daughters Who Were I n c e s t u o u s l y Abused by T h e i r B i o l o g i c a l F a t h e r s . Researcher: Chandra Sen. T h e r a p i s t with 9 y e a r s ' c l i n i c a l e x p e r i e n c e . E x t e n s i v e experience working with c h i l d and a d u l t s u r v i v o r s of sexual abuse. - Present r e s e a r c h p r o j e c t i s f o r M.A. t h e s i s at U.B.C. Purpose & O b j e c t i v e s : - To e x p l o r e the nature of the r e l a t i o n s h i p s between i n c e s t u o u s l y abused daughters and t h e i r mothers. - The i n t e r v i e w s w i l l focus on the daughter's ex p e r i e n c e s and p e r c e p t i o n s of her r e l a t i o n s h i p with her mother p r i o r t o the i n c e s t , d u r i n g the i n c e s t and a f t e r the t e r m i n a t i o n of the i n c e s t . - To e x p l o r e and determine the dynamics t h a t a f f e c t the mother-daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p s f o r the i n c e s t o u s l y abused daughters. Subject s u i t a b i l i t y c r i t e r i a : - A d u l t (18 and over) female s u r v i v o r s of b i o l o g i c a l f a t h e r -daughter i n c e s t d u r i n g t h e i r c h i l d h o o d and/or adolescence. - The abuse w i l l have gone on f o r at l e a s t a year i n the l i f e of the daughter. - The i n c e s t w i l l not be o c c u r r i n g at p r e s e n t . - P a r t i c i p a n t s w i l l not p r e s e n t l y be under p s y c h i a t r i c care or on m o o d - a l t e r i n g drugs. 104 Procedure: - In-depth i n t e r v i e w w i l l be conducted with each p a r t i c i p a n t f o c u s i n g on her experiences, p e r c e p t i o n s , thoughts about her r e l a t i o n s h i p s with her mother throughout her l i f e . - At a mutually agreed upon p r i v a t e l o c a t i o n . - Length and number of s e s s i o n s w i l l be dependent on p a r t i c i p a n t ' s needs f o r comfort. Researcher does not expect she w i l l r e q u i r e more than 4 hours of t o t a l time with each p a r t i c i p a n t . - A l l i n t e r v i e w s w i l l be audio-taped. P a r t i c i p a t i o n : - A l l p a r t i c i p a t i o n i s v o l u n t a r y . - Withdrawal from the p r o j e c t or d e c i s i o n not to answer s p e c i f i c q u e s t i o n s w i l l not a f f e c t therapy. - A f t e r b e i n g c o n t a c t e d by t h e r a p i s t , i f c l i e n t i s i n t e r e s t e d i n p a r t i c i p a t i n g i n study, she w i l l c o ntact the r e s e a r c h e r as soon  as p o s s i b l e by telephone _ A l l p a r t i c i p a n t s w i l l be asked to s i g n a consent form. A copy of consent form w i l l be given to each p a r t i c i p a n t . C o n f i d e n t i a l i t y : - Contents of audio-tapes w i l l be u t i l i z e d only f o r the purposes of the present study. - Data a c c e s s i b l e only to r e s e a r c h e r and her s u p e r v i s o r , Dr. J u d i t h Daniluk - A l l i d e n t i f y i n g i n f o r m a t i o n w i l l be omitted from t r a n s c r i p t s . P a r t i c i p a n t s w i l l be i d e n t i f i e d by pseudonyms i n s t e a d of t h e i r 105 names. B e n e f i t s : - P a r t i c i p a n t s may g a i n a deeper understanding of the dynamics of t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with t h e i r mothers and may be ab l e t o determine the impact of the i n c e s t on t h a t r e l a t i o n s h i p . As a r e s u l t , a more enhanced or, at l e a s t , a more informed r e l a t i o n s h i p may ensue between the women. 106 Appendix C Consent form Dear P a r t i c i p a n t : I am conducting r e s e a r c h t o e x p l o r e the r e l a t i o n s h i p s between mothers and t h e i r daughters who were i n c e s t u o u s l y abused by t h e i r b i o l o g i c a l f a t h e r s . The r e s e a r c h i s b e i n g conducted as a Master's degree t h e s i s f o r U.B.C.The focus of the r e s e a r c h w i l l be on your r e l a t i o n s h i p with your mother. Your p a r t i c i p a t i o n w i l l i n v o l v e meeting with me t o answer qu e s t i o n s about your r e l a t i o n s h i p with your mother. I do not a n t i c i p a t e needing any more than 4 hours of your t i m e . I f you should need more time t o comfortably t e l l your s t o r y , I w i l l make more time t o meet with you. I f more than one i n t e r v i e w i s necessary, i t w i l l be necessary to h o l d a second i n t e r v i e w w i t h i n one week. T h i s i s so t h a t t h e r e w i l l not be a time l a p s e which w i l l d i s t r a c t from or i n t e r f e r e with the flow of your s t o r y . A l l e f f o r t s w i l l be made to f i n d a s e t t i n g t h a t you w i l l f i n d comfortable, convenient and p r i v a t e . The i n t e r v i e w s w i l l be audio-taped. The audio-taped data w i l l be t r a n s c r i b e d onto a d i s k on my p e r s o n a l computer. Your name and any i d e n t i f y i n g i n f o r m a t i o n w i l l be omitted from the t r a n s c r i p t i o n s . You may choose t o use a pseudonym i n s t e a d of u s i n g your own name. The i n t e r v i e w data w i l l be a c c e s s i b l e only to myself and my t h e s i s s u p e r v i s o r , Dr. J u d i t h Daniluk. She i s a p r o f e s s o r i n the Department of C o u n s e l l i n g Psychology at U.B.C, and can be reached at The data w i l l not be used f o r any purpose o u t s i d e the present r e s e a r c h p r o j e c t . Your p a r t i c i p a t i o n i n my r e s e a r c h study i s p u r e l y v o l u n t a r y . You are under no o b l i g a t i o n t o p a r t i c i p a t e and are f r e e t o withdraw from the study at any time. I f you choose t o withdraw from the p r o j e c t or decide not to answer s p e c i f i c q u e s t i o n s , your therapy w i l l not be a f f e c t e d i n any way. I f you agree t o p a r t i c i p a t e , you w i l l p l e a s e s i g n 2 co p i e s of the atta c h e d consent form. You w i l l keep one copy of the consent form and I w i l l keep the other copy. I f you have any ques t i o n s or concerns about t h i s procedure, p l e a s e f e e l f r e e t o con t a c t me at the number below. I f you agree t o p a r t i c i p a t e i n my r e s e a r c h p r o j e c t , p l e a s e s i g n your name below. Thank you f o r your time and a t t e n t i o n . I have read t h i s form and consent t o p a r t i c i p a t e i n t h i s study. I understand t h a t my p a r t i c i p a t i o n i s v o l u n t a r y and t h a t I am f r e e to withdraw from the p r o j e c t at any time. Date: Name: Phone: S i g n a t u r e : I acknowledge r e c e i p t of the signed p a r t i c i p a n t consent form. Researcher's s i g n a t u r e : 107 Appendix D Sample of Interview Questions  T i t l e o f P r o j e c t : A Phenomenological E x p l o r a t i o n of the Mother-Daughter R e l a t i o n s h i p s During and A f t e r Father-Daughter Incestuous Abuse of the Daughter. Examples of Interview Questions: --Please d e s c r i b e how you experi e n c e d your r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h your mother at the time t h a t your f a t h e r was s e x u a l l y abusing you. — H a s your r e l a t i o n s h i p with your mother changed s i n c e the i n c e s t has stopped? — I f so, d e s c r i b e ways i n which the r e l a t i o n s h i p has changed. 108 Appendix E Sample of T r a n s c r i b e d Interview L i n d a L i n d a : I was l i v i n g , we were i n (an A t l a n t i c p r o v i n c e ) , and I went t o a nearby c i t y , t o (name of c i t y ) . And uh, i t was j u s t b e f o r e s c h o o l ended i n grade 10, so I f i n i s h e d the year p r e t t y w e l l . We j u s t had to f i n i s h up t h i n g s t o do. And, and, I got caught i n bed with my b o y f r i e n d . And the next morning, I j u s t wasn't t h e r e . I l e f t them a note (laughs) but, "I don't l i k e the way t h i s i s going t o change t h i n g s . " So, I wasn't t h e r e . And uh, I b a s i c a a l l y s a i d I'm going to l i v e i n the c i t y f o r the summer and then, I'd go t o s c h o o l again i n the f a l l . And so, when f a l l came, no, "I'm not going to school t h e r e . I'm going to go here." Researcher: And how was t h a t taken? L: Uh, i t was a very i n t e r e s t i n g p o s i t i o n of power f o r me to be i n because. A f t e r I l e f t , the next time my p a r e n t s saw me, they came to the c i t y and saw me t h e r e . And so, I wasn't on t h e i r t e r r i t o r y any more. And, i n terms of f i n a n c i a l r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s , they owed me $200.00 at t h a t p o i n t . R: So, i t had completely done a turnabout? L: Yeah. And t h e r e was, t h e r e was, t h e r e must have been a whole time of my t a k i n g power. Throughout t h a t , t o get to the p l a c e where I l e f t and, i t had j u s t become very c l e a r t o me t h a t i n terms of who c o u l d take care of me, I was b e t t e r at i t than they were. R: Do you remember, what i s your e a r l i e s t memories of t i e s t o 109 your mom? When the abuse s t a r t e d at such a young age? L: (Long pause) I remember uh, connected w i t h the abuse, i t was (pause) I'd been abused by my b r o t h e r t h a t n i g h t . And, or t h a t morning, i t ' s hard to t e l l . R: Do you remember at what age. Roughly? L: Uh (pause) 4. That's the t h i n g about l o c a t i o n . R: Yeah. L: Was i t 4 or 5? My o l d e r b r o t h e r , who i s 13 years o l d e r than I am; the only male c h i l d and, has at l e a s t a c o v e r t i n c e s t u o u s r e l a t i o n s h i p with my mother. R: Is t h a t r i g h t ? L: Umm. I t i s as w e l l was the s i t u a t i o n , um, of me b e i n g brought to an orgasm and b e i n g l e f t alone. R: So, the same p a t t e r n [of abuse by f a t h e r ] . Didn't change? L: Yeah. And going i n t o , l e a v i n g my bedroom, which i s where i t happened and, (pause, about to cry) going i n t o the k i t c h e n and my b r o t h e r and my mother were s i t t i n g t h e r e , at the t a b l e , d r i n k i n g c o f f e e and t a l k i n g . And the way t h a t they were l o o k i n g at one another? R: Uh-huh. L: Was .so i n t e n s e and was s o r t of hungry? (Long pause) And i t excluded me. They d i d n ' t n o t i c e me being t h e r e at a l l . And I f e l t uh, the abandonment and the no p l a c e to go f o r comfort. The person who abused me was there, with the person I would seek comfort, comfort from and she (pause) wanted him. R: You c o u l d see t h a t ? 110 L: I c o u l d see t h a t . Even then i t was. And, I don't know. I d e f i n i t e l y d i d n ' t speak. (Long pause) There i s a whole time, t h e r e i s a whole l o t of t h i s s t u f f , a p l a c e with no words. And um, and t h a t . There're times where I go t o p l a c e s t h a t I can't make words, l i k e , words don't r e l a t e t o t h i s . R: Yes. L: Uh, uh, so, t h e r e ' s a whole f e e l i n g t h a t she wants him. And a r e a l e l e v a t i o n of maleness as be i n g the d e s i r e a b l e q u a l i t y . And. My f a t h e r ' s name i s George, and my name i s Georgina L i n d a . And i t ' s o nly very r e c e n t l y t h a t I dropped the Georgina p a r t . R: Had you used t h a t as your f i r s t name? L: As a s m a l l c h i l d , I wanted t o be c a l l e d George. R: Is t h a t r i g h t ? L: Oh yeah. J u s t l i k e dad. A great d e a l of i d e n t i f i c a t i o n with my f a t h e r , and wit h maleness as being empowered and d e s i r e d and f r e e and v a l u a b l e and f u l l of p o s s i b i l i t i e s . R: Is e v e r y t h i n g about b e i n g female u n d e s i r e a b l e ? L: YES. Yes. Pink and f l u f f y and, a v i c t i m . Dependent, u s i n g m a n i p u l a t i o n i n order t o achieve whatever you wanted. Not t a k i n g your own power at a l l . Uh, I saw my mother uh, j u s t rage. But t o no end. And then, although she'd be r a g i n g at maltreatment by my f a t h e r uh, the r e a l end to i t a l l was to uh, t o have him bow down to her. And they d i d t h i s whole r e l a t i o n s h i p of domination and submission. They'd do i t back and f o r t h and, she h e l d a l o t of power i n t h a t but through m a n i p u l a t i o n and through uh, uh, uh, anger and de g r a d a t i o n . R: So, she would empower h e r s e l f e l s e down? L: Yeah, down. I l l but through uh, p u t t i n g someone 

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