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Gendered sexualities in migration : play, pageantry, and the politics of performing Filipino-ness in… Farrales, May Leanne 2017

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  GENDERED SEXUALITIES IN MIGRATION: PLAY, PAGEANTRY, AND THE POLITICS OF PERFORMING FILIPINO-NESS IN SETTLER COLONIAL CANADA  by  May Leanne Farrales   A THESIS SUBMITTED IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY in  THE FACULTY OF GRADUATE AND POSTDOCTORAL STUDIES (Geography)  THE UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA (Vancouver)   August 2017 © May Leanne Farrales, 2017	  ii Abstract 	  This dissertation examines the sexualities of Filipino/as in Canada who live and work on the traditional and ancestral territories of the Musqueam, Skxwú7mesh, and Tsleil-Waututh peoples (Vancouver). Specifically, it sketches out how gender and sexual paradigms in the Philippines are brought to Canada through labour migration and are re-scripted in relation to racial, gender and sexual regimes in Canada. I examine how these negotiations take shape at three particular sites and community-organized spaces. The first site in which I attend to the making of sexualities is at Filipino basketball leagues and games organized in the local community. The second site is at community-organized beauty and religious pageants. And finally, I consider how sexualities are being articulated and worked with by self-identifying Filipino/a queer, lesbian, gay and transgender organizers and activists. I work with interviews and observations I collected at each of these community-organized spaces. To analyze how sexualities are negotiated at these sites, I use a queer diaspora, queer of colour and transnational framework that attempts to be mindful of Indigenous critiques that urge for scholarship to take into account the ongoing processes of colonialism in settler colonial nations like Canada. The dissertation suggests that sexualities taking shape at basketball games, beauty pageants and in Filipino/a queer spaces are influenced by dominant racial, gender and sexual paradigms formed in the Philippines' colonial encounters at the same time as they are negotiated in relation to normative white heteropatriarchal settler colonial logics in Canada. More broadly I argue that the racialized, classed and gendered sexualities of Filipino/as are being made and remade in the overlapping colonial and capitalist geographies of Canada's and the Philippines' distinct nation-building projects. I suggest that engaging with these geographies poses critical questions of place and politics for Filipina/os in Canada by offering ways of understanding nation that might wear away at the normalizing logics. 	  iii  Lay Summary  	  This dissertation examines how ideas about sexuality change when people migrate from the Philippines to Canada. Specifically, I analyze how Filipino/as perform their sexualties at three particular sites and community-organized spaces on the traditional and ancestral territories of the Musqueam, Skxwú7mesh, and Tsleil-Waututh peoples (Vancouver). The first site I study sexualities is at Filipino basketball leagues and games organized in the local community. The second site is at community-organized beauty and religious pageants. And finally, I look at how sexualities are being articulated by self-identifying Filipino/a queer, lesbian, gay and transgender organizers and activists. I work with interviews and observations I collected at each of these community-organized spaces.  The dissertation contributes to transnational scholarship on the Filipino/a diaspora. It argues that the racialized, classed and gendered sexualities of Filipino/as are being made and remade in the overlapping colonial and capitalist geographies of Canada's and the Philippines' distinct nation-building projects. 	  iv 	  Preface 	  A version of Chapter 3 is forthcoming in Diasporic Intimacies, Queer Filipinos/as and Canadian Imaginaries, Diaz, R., Largo, M. and F. Pino (eds.). The rest of this dissertation is unpublished. It is an independent work by the author, May Farrales. Research was approved by the UBC Behavioral Research Ethics Board: Certificate Number H13-02609; Principal Investigator: Dr. Geraldine Pratt.	  v  Table of Contents Abstract............................................................................................................................... ii Lay Summary..................................................................................................................... iii Preface ............................................................................................................................... iv Table of Contents.................................................................................................................v List of Photos.................................................................................................................... vii List of Acronyms ............................................................................................................. viii Acknowledgements............................................................................................................ ix 	  Chapter 1: Introduction ....................................................................................................1 1.1 Opening Scenes, Opening Thoughts..........................................................................1 1.1.1 Opening Scenes ..................................................................................................1 1.1.2 Opening Thoughts ..............................................................................................3 1.2. Mapping Out Filipino Sexualities in Canada: Assumptions and Accountability .....4 1.3. Theoretical Starting Points and Interventions.........................................................11 1.3.1 Theoretical Starting Points ...............................................................................11 1.3.2 Interventions: Theoretical and Empirical Contributions ..................................14 1.4. Dissertation Outline ................................................................................................19 	  Chapter 2. Diasporic and Decolonial Dilemmas: Queering the Filipino in Canada .22 2.1 Introduction..............................................................................................................22 2.2. Dilemma 1: Queering the Filipino/a outside of the Philippines .............................24 2.2.1 Queering and Its Conundrums ..........................................................................25 2.2.2 The Filipino as a Colonial Product ...................................................................27 2.2.3 The Filipino in Canada and Our Colonial Entanglements................................30 2.3. Dilemma 2: The Intimate Talk of Diaspora and Decolonization ...........................42 2.3.1. Fragmented Subjects and Filipinos in the Diaspora ........................................44 2.3.2 Crossing Cleavages: The Responsibility of Holding Stories and Knowledge Production..................................................................................................................48 2.4  Dilemma 3: Producing Knowledge About Home on Stolen Lands........................50 2.5 Conclusion ...............................................................................................................54 	  Chapter 3. Blood Lines: Basketball, Sexual, and Settler Narratives at Play .............56 3.1 Introduction..............................................................................................................56 3.2 Basketball as Life Saver: Making Healthy Masculinities........................................58 3.3 Blood Brothers: Basketball as Life Lessons in Healthy Heteronormativity............65 3.3.1 Learning Proper Sexualities..............................................................................65 3.3.2 Learning to be Proper Masculine Labouring Subjects in a Settler Colonial State...................................................................................................................................70 3.4 Blood Lines: Reproducing the Filipino and Queering its Reproduction .................82 3.5 Conclusion ...............................................................................................................87 	  	  vi Chapter 4: The Death of Maria Clara, Beauty, and the Pageantry of Filipino-Canadian Diversity ..........................................................................................................89 4.1 Introduction..............................................................................................................89 4.2 Beauty as Multifaceted Technology ........................................................................92 4.3  "Maria Clara is Dead": Colonial Reincarnations of Femininity and Beauty..........95 4.3.1 Settler Colonialism and the Death of Maria Clara............................................97 4.4 The Pageant (Re)Purpose: Beauty, Pageants, and Multicultural Liberal Performances and Politics............................................................................................101 4.4.1 Pageantry with a Purpose................................................................................106 4.4.2 Training Sexualities: Walking the Thin Line Between "Slutty" and "Classy".................................................................................................................................113 4.5 Gender Play and Fringe Religious Ritual: Beauty and Pageants that Confound...120 4.5.1 The Beauty of Gender and Sexual Negotiations and Play..............................120 4.5.2 Religious Pageantry ........................................................................................124 4.6 Conclusion .............................................................................................................129 	  Chapter 5. "Holding Filipino-ness and Queerness Together": Locating a Sexual Politics for Filipinos in Canada ....................................................................................130 5.1 Introduction............................................................................................................130 5.2 Queer as White ......................................................................................................134 5.3 Holding Filipino-ness and Queerness Together: Filipino sexualities in Canada...140 5.3.1 Family and the Stories that Come Out............................................................143 5.3.1.1"Feeling Out" in Racialized Families That Labour ......................................146 5.3.2 Community and Kin .......................................................................................154 5.4 The Decolonial Possibilities of a Filipina/o sexual politics on Unceded Coast Salish Territories ....................................................................................................................161 5.5  Conclusion ............................................................................................................174 	  6. Conclusion ..................................................................................................................175 6.1 Introduction............................................................................................................175 6.2 Summary of Arguments and Offerings..................................................................176 6.3 Reflections and Horizons.......................................................................................181 6.4 Concluding Thoughts.............................................................................................183 	  References.......................................................................................................................186  	  vii  List of Photos 	  Photo 1: Teams take to the court for the league's championship game afterwhich trophies and awards will be handed out..........................................................................................65 Photo 2: League referees help to ensure game rules and good sportsmanship are adhered to........................................................................................................................................74  Photo 3: The pageant "Reyna" or "Queens" line up to prepare for their procession around the field............................................................................................................................127 	  viii  List of Acronyms  BLM   Black Lives Matter LGBTQ  Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, Queer LBGT   Lesbian, Bisexual, Gay, Trans LCP   Live-in Caregiver Program PBA   Philippine Basketball Association PoC   People of Colour PPV   Pinoy Pride Vancouver QTIPOC  Queer, Transgender, Indigenous, and People of Colour 	  ix  Acknowledgements This dissertation is a product of the support and generosity of so many people who have thoughtfully shared with me their time and energy. Thank you to the community leaders and organizers who invited me to their events and agreed to be a part of my project. I learned a great deal from the pageants, basketball leagues, and community groups you organize, and I am humbled by your passion for the community initiatives you dedicate yourselves to. The opinions in this dissertation are my own, and any shortcomings are my responsibility. Thank you also to all who took part of the interviews for this project. Many of you I consider friends and mentors, and I am deeply grateful for the stories and insights you shared with me. I hope the wisdom you shared with me is translated in the pages of this dissertation. To the friends I have made over the years of witnessing the work you do in your communities, it is my hope that you see a reflection of yourselves, and the ways you inspire me, in these pages. Thank you to Melanie Matining, Eirene Cloma, Samonte Cruz, Katie Zalazaar, Stella Reyes, Darla Tomeldan, Cecile Tumolva and Gary Lising for the quiet ways you patiently teach about the importance of theorizing and thinking about our sexualities as Filipino/as. Thank you also to Maureen Mendoza, Rene John Nicolas, Jocelyn Vergebera and family, Glecy Duran and Ruthie, Leonie Ea and family, Pach Concepcion, Ning Alcuitas and family, Niki Silva and Kaya, Eric Cardeno, Sean Devlin, Julie, Jon and Tala Nieto, Sam Cervantes and family, Jane Ordinario and family, Mildred German, Carlo Sayo, Denise Valdecantos, Cezar and Harlyn Dalde, Joella Cabalu, Purple Hearts Social Club, Mutya Macatumpag, and Guia Cruz. I am certain I did not name all of you who have surrounded and supported me in our shared community commitments, but please know that I appreciate every conversation we had, every meal we had together, every space we shared, and every gift you offered.  To my friends and colleagues I met in my time at UBC, thank you for challenging me. This includes everyone involved with the Philippine Studies Series -- Dennis Gupa, Dada Docot, Amber Heckleman, Christine Peralta, Teilhard Paradela, Vanessa Banta, James Pangilinan, Chaya Go, and all those who I met during our events. A special thank you to the friends and relationships I made in Geography and throughout the campus. Thank you Jessica Hallenbeck, Dawn Hoogeveen, Wes Attewell, Rosemary Collard, Shelby Loft, Mike Krebs, Tesia Derksen-Bergen, Andrew Shumuely, Paige Patchin, Cavlan Erengezgin, Sage Ponder, Jenny Francis, Liz Lee and Emily Rosenman. To those I played basketball, music and organized events with, I am grateful for the friendships we made and the opportunity to engage with your ideas and work: Jon Luedee, Kyle Loewen, Max Ritts, Esteban Mejia, Dan Cohen, Lyana Patrick, the Saltlicks, Fatima Jaffer, Dai Kojima, Matt Wildcat, Dallas Hunt, Corey Snelgrove, and Lindsay Lachance. You all remind me of the importance of making community wherever we find ourselves.  	  x I am indebted to my supervisory committee for your guidance and thoughtful engagement. Thank you Gerry Pratt for your patient supervision and for the questions you pose to challenge my ways of thinking, researching and producing knowledge.  Many thanks also to John Paul Catungal, Sunera Thobani, Juanita Sundberg, and Kale Fajardo for the mentorship you so generously offered me over the years. You all seemed to know what sorts of help, encouragement, and insight I needed to press forward with finishing this dissertation. Many others also took their time and energy to offer their mentorship, challenging me to see and do my scholarship in meaningful ways. Thank you Sarah Hunt, Michelle Daigle, Robert Diaz, Nora Angeles, Ethel Tungohan, Janey Lew, Jim Glassman, and Dory Nason. I am grateful to have met and engaged with you all. To my family, thank you for your unwavering support throughout the years. I am forever grateful to Manny and Lydia Farrales (my parents), Aunties Gloria and Cindy, Herminia, Lynn, John, Bo, Ethel, Sean, Amihan, Anika, Sheila, Reva, Arys, and Ava. You have all given me support with such patience and kindness. A special thanks to Apong Lakay, Apong Baket, Auntie Susana, Auntie Erlin, Nanay, and Scarlett. I think of you all often. Though you are no longer with us in your physical forms, you continue to teach me about how I might be better in this world. And finally, I cannot fully articulate here my immense appreciation for Leah and Sol. Every question, every thought, every dillema put forward in this dissertation has come from the ways that you simultaneously challenge me and hold me up. In very real ways, I would not have been able to even begin, let alone finish, this project without you. You imagine what I cannot, and you do what I am not able. 	   1	   Chapter 1: Introduction 1.1 Opening Scenes, Opening Thoughts 1.1.1 Opening Scenes Scene 1 The almost 3000-capacity sporting arena was not even close to full, but the anticipation of the people who were slowly gathering was palpable. It was a multi-generational affair, with groups of families and friends sitting together. Some were holding babies, others were carrying small toddlers, groups of teenagers and youth were sitting together, and lolas [grandmothers] and lolos [grandfathers] were looking for the most comfortable seating that a sports arena could offer. In the Fall of 2014, I attended a basketball game organized for the Filipino community in Vancouver. At the price of $25 per entry, the festive event showcased a line-up of local Filipino musical talents and dancers, but the highlight of the evening gathering was a basketball game starring ex-players of the Philippine Basketball Association and entertainers playing against local players from the community. The Charity Celebrity Basketball game advertised itself as a fundraiser for schools damaged by Typhoon Haiyan. After an opening prayer and the obligatory singing of the Philippine and Canadian national anthems, the presidents of the event were invited to give their welcome remarks. I was curious to see who they were as the poster advertising the event did not make it clear. The family sitting next to me also did not know when I asked what organization sponsored the fundraiser. It turned out that the organizers were a Filipino-American husband-and-wife team who own a web-based pyramid business from California. They invited the spectators to join a meeting the next day to learn more about the business and how to become members. It seemed that their vision was for us as overseas Filipinos to not only become members ourselves, but to encourage our families in the Philippines to do the same. As the husband-and-wife team explained, by getting involved in this particular business, sooner or later our families in the Philippines would be the ones sending us money instead of the other way around. Scene 2 	   2	  The seeds of Vancouver's first organization for gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgendered and queer Filipinos were planted at the 2010 Vancouver Pride Parade. Heralded as the organization's "coming out" party, members of the Filipino community in Vancouver put together a float that won them the "Best Little Float" at the annual mainstream parade for gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgendered and queer communities in the city. The float was ornamented with 4 pillars on which were patterns, described by one of the float's designers, as being influenced by Spanish aesthetics. He explains, in a Youtube video of the day's festivities, that the Philippines had been colonized by Spain for 300 years.1  Music blared from the float, decorated with flora and fauna from the three major regions of the archipelago. Members of the Filipino community danced in coordination on and around the float to the contemporary song "Sex Bombs", the signature song of a popular all-female singing and dancing group in the Philippines. Some wore what is commonly-known as Filipiniana outfits, hand-woven garbs that hark back to the days of the illustrados, the class of Filipinos who were natives of the Philippines but schooled in Spanish education institutions and later favoured by U.S. colonists. They benefited from ties, blood and cultural attachments to the colonial regimes. Other members of the community donned indigenous clothing from tribes of the northern and southern parts of the archipelago. As they paraded down the streets of Vancouver's West-end, all, both children and adults, moved to the music in a choreographed line dance made familiar by the Sex bomb singers. Asked why community members decided to enter a float for the first time in the parade's history, Mable Elmore, an openly gay and the first-ever BC Member of the Legislative Assembly of Philippine ancestry, told the media the reasons for her support of the group, explaining:  "[We want to] encourag[e] the community [to be] understanding and accepting and show Canadian society that the Filipino community embraces our diversity" (as quoted in Mino, 2010). A year later, in 2011, heartened by their participation in the Pride Parade, some of the members involved in the making and display of the "Best Little Float" of 2010 went on to organize Pinoy (slang for Filipino) Pride Vancouver, the first-ever documented organization for gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgendered members of the Filipino community in Vancouver. Scene 3 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2M8xZd1_IU 	   3	  The Santacruzan pageant started around 5:00pm after a host of Original Pilipino Music singers and dancers held the stage. The procession participants had started to gather behind the makeshift stage about two hours earlier so when I snuck behind the partition to take photos of the line-up, many appeared worn out by the early summer sun. But luckily, before the procession began the sun started cooling off and there was a nice breeze. The parking lot in one of Vancouver's larger suburbs was gravel and grass-covered and littered with chairs and booths. Boys in barongs both young and old stood beside their respective Reynas [queens]. The first set of parade participants were young children all-made up and in full gowns. Live classical guitar music and singers accompanied the procession singing religious hymns. With each Reyna, the master of ceremony announced the girl or young woman's name, her title, and that of her escorts. The archways through which the girls paraded were made of wood and adorned with different coloured flowers and were held by an assortment of men, women, and children who were not in costume. The gravel-covered ground gave the feeling of what I would imagine to be the dirt roads that the procession would traditionally travel through the barrio streets of rural Philippines. Looking around you could see the excitement of the audience as the procession made its way past tents and booths, while people gathered on corners to take photos and milled about inside the circle that the procession made. Those holding the arches encouraged the girls and young women to walk slowly so that they could pose for the cameras. The grand "Reunion of Queens" closed off the procession -- all the queens wore crowns. The last two "Reynas" were grand indeed. The penultimate queen was a young white Canadian girl who, instead of spending money on a prom dress, chose to donate her prom money to an orphanage in the Philippines. She wore a gold dress and, with her white skin and blond curly hair, she stood out from the other participants. 1.1.2 Opening Thoughts These three scenes introduce the three sites investigated in this dissertation: basketball, queer politics and beauty pageants. What interests me about them and what forms a route along which this dissertation travels is the varied ways that nation is evoked through public display and performance. The fundraiser sponsored by the Filipino-American 	   4	  business owners toys with transnational connections between the Philippines and Canada through the sport of basketball. The float at the parade appeals to Canadian mulitculturalism at the same time that it stirs up the Philippine nation through song, dance, display and performance. As the beauty pageant meanders through a parking lot and open field, it gathers strands of religious festivals and rituals rooted in the Philippines and recasts them in Canada, showcasing a teenage Canadian girl who gave up her prom dress to help an orphanage in the Philippines. In all three scenes, bodies coalesce around and perform particular notions of nation that crisscross time and space. In all three scenes, very particular racialized, gendered and sexual subjects are being made and negotiated around these notions of nation. In this dissertation, I track back-and-forth between scenes similar to the charity basketball game, the community pageant, and the display at the annual pride parade asking: What is at stake in these performances of nation? I am especially attuned to the location of these performaces in Vancouver Canada and ask, what does it mean to engage in these performances on the unceded, traditional and ancestral territories of the Musqueam, Skxwú7mesh, and Tsleil-Waututh peoples?  This dissertation is anchored at the intersection of bodies and nations, where these come together in co-constituting ways. It is particularly in the performativity or coming into being of sexualities that this dissertation follows this theme.  1.2. Mapping Out Filipino Sexualities in Canada: Assumptions and Accountability From the outset of research for this project, I was questioned in casual conversations: "What are you studying now?"  I would typically respond with "Filipino sexualities in Canada," then quickly try to follow-up the one-liner with an explanation about my effort to trace how our sexualities change (or do not) when we, or our families migrate from the Philippines to Canada. Among family, friends or acquaintances at Filipino gatherings, people would usually respond with curious interest and in different ways end up surmising that my project's focus is on the lives of Filipino gays, lesbians, bi-sexual, transgender, and queer people in the community. "Oh, so you're studying Filipino gays and lesbians," would be a usual response or, depending on whom I was talking with, people referenced famous bakla or tomboy stars in the Philippines. Many of these conversations were with people who knew me, my same-sex partner, and our son or, if 	   5	  they did not, I assume they read me as a tomboy or a woman who acts like a man in Philippine cultural gender and sexual paradigms. Therefore their responses to why I might be interested in studying queer or non-normative sexualities are not unfounded. But there is another assumption there as well, one with which I continually tried to negotiate while writing this dissertation, namely the assumption that an interest in Filipino sexualities means an interest in non-heteronormative sexualities.  Among friends, colleagues or acquaintances outside the Filipino community, when I answered "Filipino sexualities in Canada," along with my usual tagline explanation, people would sometimes respond with curious interest and deduce that my project would capture how Filipino gays and lesbians leave the repressive and conservative confines of the Philippines to find sexual liberation in Canada. Depending on whom I was speaking with, people referenced the Catholic church's influence on Filipinos or on Lesiban, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer (LGBTQ) Filipinos that they knew, saw, or read about in popular media or scholarly work. Again, their responses are not unfounded as some people I interviewed for this project tell such stories of newfound sexual freedom in Canada. But like the assumption that my interests lie in exploring the lives of Filipino LGBTQ's, the notion that the Philippines is more sexually repressive than Canada is an assumption that I found myself in conversation with throughout the making of this dissertation. These assumptions continue to help me clarify why I decided to turn my attention to Filipino/a sexualities in Canada.  There were particular moments that conditioned my turn to sexuality, but one is especially worth singling out. Before the question of Filipino sexualities became an academic interest for me, I read Patricia Hill Collins' Black Sexual Politics. Collins' work taught me that sexuality cannot be disentangled from an anti-racist politics. Far from being an orientation or identity possessed by certain subjects (usually understood to be queer), the making of sexuality is deeply implicated in the making of race, gender and class. Collins shows how the racialized, gendered and classed sexualities of Blacks in America have been constructed over time. She argues that slavery constituted Black males as the work horses of a slave economy effectively conflating Black male sexuality with wild animal-like qualities whose bodies are characterized by small brains and hyper-sexual drives. In turn, Black females constituted as the servants of a slave economy 	   6	  rendered Black female sexuality as promiscuous and objects of sexual pleasure for white slave owners. At the present moment, racism has evolved from Jim Crow forms of racism to a racial ideology that legitimizes the continuing economic and social disenfranchisement of African-Americans through the classed, gendered and sexualized framing of Black males as sexually-immoral feral criminals and females as chronic ghetto moms. From this history to the present, Collins demonstrates that their gender and sexuality are framed as inherently deviant, setting Blacks in America up to be chronically at fault for persistent social inequalities. Not only did Collins and the work of Black queer and feminist thinkers she draws upon show me that sexualities are made and managed in power relations, but also the importance of theorizing these connections as part of a political commitment to social justice. In my own experiences in organizing with the Filipino community in Vancouver, women and youth taught me the importance of attending to the nexus of gender, race, and class in determining the marginal position of Filipinos in Canada. Despite the community's patient teachings, I did not think too seriously about the role of sexuality in this matrix of power and often the topic was muted or relegated to the fringes of discussions and efforts. Collins made it impossible for me to ignore how gender, race, class and sexuality are co-constituted, and that any anti-racist politics or a politics for social change needs to reckon with these processes. So, began my more serious effort to apprehend how I might understand how sexualities for Filipino/as in Canada are constituted and how I might take responsibility for the ways in which a politics among Filipinos is unfolding.  My approach to sexuality follows certain trains of thought, scholarly and political commitments. Understanding sexuality to be a particularly, as Michel Foucault put it, "dense transfer point for relations of power" (1990: 103), this dissertation explores how sexualities come to be for the Filipino/a in Canada through relations of power. It is interested in how our sexualities are made and remade in what Jose Esteban Munoz called the "stifling present" of colonialism and capitalism. Or perhaps more to the point, with respect to racialized sexualities, I follow Samantha King's assessment of the need to attend to racially-constituted sexualities: [S]exuality is always already everything it ever was, although some constitutive aspects may have been repressed for various purposes, nefarious and strategic. In a contemporary context dominated by 	   7	  colorblind ideology, the racial aspects of sexuality, in particular, become hard to see and thus the need to identify them more urgent. (2009: 273-274).  Therefore, while my project does rely on the voices, stories, insights, and teachings of queer-identifying Filipina/os in Canada, it is about Filipino sexualities in Canada broadly speaking. It is about what sexuality as a mechanism and dense transfer point of power does to and with bodies to make the Filipino/a in Canada. This means that while I am interested in how these formations change between the Philippines and Canada, I attend to these differences not necessarily to measure the level of acceptance non-normative sexualities are afforded but to make note of the conditions of these changes, differences, and continuities.   This appreciation for conditions and context brings me to another moment, or perhaps more accurately an amalgamation of moments, that inform my approach to sexuality and sense of accountability. These moments are the ones generated by Indigenous peoples, scholars, communities, and movements in settler colonial contexts who urge those of us not Indigenous to these lands to remember on whose lands and territories we are living, working, and being. Qwo Li-Driskill deftly captures this urging when he asks his readers:  If you are reading this in the United States or Canada, whose land are you on, dear reader? What are the specific names of the Native nation(s) who have historical claim to the territory on which you currently read this article? What are their histories before European invasion? What are their historical and present acts of resistance to colonial occupation? If you are like most people in the United States and Canada, you cannot answer these questions. And this disturbs me. (2010: 71) The important questions of context, ones that ask to recognize the colonial processes that shape everyday interactions, form the prism through which I attempt to appreciate how sexualities are being constituted. In other words, in this dissertation I endeavour to capture how power courses through and works on the sexualities of Filipina/os as our bodies are wrapped up in the neo-colonial and capitalist present of the Philippines and the settler colonial context of Canada. Since my concern is fixed in how this process works for Filipino/as located in Canada, on the unceded territories of the Musqueam, 	   8	  Skxwú7mesh, and Tsleil-Waututh peoples in particular, this means that to understand how power works through sexuality, power should be apprehended as a colonial project. Musqueam Elder Larry Grant (2013) reminds that the həәn̓q̓əәmin̓əәm̓ language Musqueam-speaking people have lived for over 10,000 years in the delta that cities of Greater Vancouver now occupies. Sharing what he learned from his mother and grandparents, Elder Grant explains: "We [Musqueam] are the people that have always been here. We never came from anywhere else. We have no stories of transportation. We have no stories of belonging anywhere else. This has always been where we have been." Elder Grant goes on to describe how their land has been eroded, and how his community has been systematically excluded and isolated from what he calls "the new immigrants that claimed territory [...] under the British flag." Cutting to the point, he says: "[The British] claimed territory and occupied it." The Skxwú7mesh nation also insist on their people's historical and contemporary relationship to territory upon which cities of Vancouver, Burnaby, New Westinister, North and West Vancouver, Port Moody, Squamish and Whistler now partially or fully occupy. With some of their village sites dating back 3000 years, the Skxwú7mesh nation explain that their traditional land "[...] bears witness to the settlements, resource sites, and spiritual and ritual places of our ancestors, including villages, hunting camps, cedar bark gathering areas, rock quarries, clam processing camps, pictographs and cemeteries" (Squamish Nation 2013). The Tsleil-Waututh also remind of their peoples' continuing relationship and stewardship over the lands now occupied by muncipalities that border the Burrard Inlet. They explain this ongoing relationship: "While this territory was never ceded, nor our responsibility to this area ever abdicated, its resources have been exploited and damaged through industrialization and urbanization. It is now, and has always been the birthright and the obligation of the Tsleil-Waututh people to care for the lands and waters of our territory and to restore them to their prior state" (Tsleil-Waututh 2017). All three Nations have not ceded by treaty or surrender their lands and waters that the city of Vancouver and its suburbs have been built upon. The continuing relationship of the Musqueam, Skxwú7mesh, and Tsleil-Waututh peoples to the lands layers and mediates how power operates in the colonial present. 	   9	   In the settler colonial context of Canada, the rationale of this colonial project is one driven by the aim to dispossess and disappear Indigenous peoples. Audra Simpson works with Patrick Wolfe's definition of settler colonialism to theorize the dispossessing drive of settler colonialism: [S]ettler colonialism is defined by a territorial project -- the accumulation of land -- whose seemingly singular focus differentiates it from other forms of colonialism. Although the settler variety is acquisitive, unlike other colonialisms, it is not labor but territory it seeks. Because 'Indigenous' peoples are tied the desired territories, they must be 'eliminated' (2014: 19).  It is in this context of the still existing structures and processes of settler colonialism that I approach sexuality and its constitutive power relations. Indigenous Two-Spirit, queer and feminist scholars understand that the workings of colonialism are gendered and sexualized in ways that are knitted into the logic of dispossession and disappearance. Chris Finley writes: "Heteropatriarchy and heteronormativity should be interpreted as logics of colonialism. [...] Colonialism needs heteropatriarchy to naturalize hierarchies and unequal gender relationships [...]" (2011: 33-34).  Alex Wilson (2015a) explains that with her people living continously on their lands for tens of thousands of years, Cree people have an intimate connection to their lands that brings with it an understanding of gender and sexual diversity wherein "[...] at the very highest spiritual level in Cree, there is no gender," a non-binary gender and sexual belief system that Wilson argues varies but is shared across Indigenous nations on Turtle Island (also known as North America). Wilson outlines how the gender and sexual diversity in Indigenous communities provoked anxiety and violence from European colonizers in their exploration and conquest of the continent ushering in the "[...] imposition of homophobia, genocide and epistemic-side, the killing of our knowledge systems that started some 500 years ago" (ibid). Sarah Hunt (2015) demonstrates how Canadian colonial laws aimed at eliminating Indigenous nations and peoples are inherently gendered and intimately sexualized. From the Indian Act of 1876 to the administration of Indian residential schools, Hunt gives detail to how Canadian laws are used to "actively suppress[ing] Indigenous world views and their categorizations of knowledge," imposing colonial gender and sexual binaries that erase Two-Spirit and transgender Indigenous people and knowledges (ibid: 107). 	   10	  Given the ways in which these intimate and embodied forms of dispossession articulate with and co-consitute forms of dispossession tied to land, Two-Spirit, queer and feminist Indigenous peoples and scholars insist on critiquing the work of heteropatriarchy as a colonial logic. The very term "Two-Spirit" embodies Indigenous attempts to reclaim Indigenous knowledges in the face of these multiple forms of dispossession. Albert McLeod (2003) explains that the term "Two-Spirit" is a way to describe Indigenous people who may be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender at the same time as it is a concept that allows Indigenous peoples to reclaim and reinvigorate particular roles in their communities. Or as McLeoad succintly puts it: "Re-naming or self-naming as Two Spirit is an act based in spirituality, empowerment, tradition and a process of decolonization" (ibid: 33).  The work of Two-Spirit and feminist Indigenous scholars and peoples and the decolonial efforts of Indigenous peoples in general press upon the need to attend to the processes and logics that normalize settler states and societies. The questions and concerns that animate this dissertation have come together on the unceded lands and territories of the Musqueam, Skxwú7mesh, and Tsleil-Waututh peoples because of such decolonial efforts. As I hope to demonstrate, the central concerns I work with have been inspired and guided by the calls to reckon with the ongoing violences and conditions of settler colonial relations and structures from local Indigenous scholars, activitsts and communities on these and surrounding territories that I live, work, study, and have relations on. From the Musqueam peoples' struggles to protect c̓əәsnaʔəәm, their ancient village and burial site, against condominium development in 2012,2 to the ongoing efforts of the Skxwú7mesh and Tsleil-Waututh leading protest against a proposed pipeline that threatens to cross through their territories3, to the leadership provided by the Idle No More movement that sparked widespread awareness of the legacies and realities of the colonial present, to the strength and authority of Indigenous women who have been organizing the Annual Women's Memorial March4 for missing and murdered Indigenous 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  2 http://www.musqueam.bc.ca/c ̓əәsnaʔəәm 3 http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/first-nations-legal-action-federal-government-kinder-morgan-1.3939441 4 https://womensmemorialmarch.wordpress.com 	   11	  women for over 25 years, the lessons and teachings of local Indigenous struggles offer important openings with which this dissertation hopes to engage.  As I have come to see it, the task of this dissertation then is to approach the sexualities of Filipino/a and the Filipino/a in Canada as a constitutive part of the making of Canada as a heteropatriarchal white settler colonial formation. The political commitment of this dissertation then is to help move the Filipino/a in Canada closer to an understanding of our place and role in Canada's settler colonial nation-building project and the concomitant responsibilities that come with this. 1.3. Theoretical Starting Points and Interventions 1.3.1 Theoretical Starting Points This dissertation examines the conditions of possibility for the making and remaking of sexualities as the Filipino in Canada is registered in the nation-building projects of both the Philippines and Canada. With my interest in the conditions of possibility for the coming into being of Filipino sexualities in Canada, I engage with literature and scholarly debates in queer theory, critical race theory, work on the Philippine diaspora in Canada, and critical Indigenous scholarship. The intervention I make with this dissertation is to bring these sets of literature into closer conversation through a concrete case study on how Filipino sexualities come to be in Canada at community organized basketball games, pageants, and among LGBTQ Filipina/o organizers and activist. I argue an approach to Filipino-Canadian sexualities that attends to, not only queering or challenging dominant racial gendered sexual paradigms formed in the Philippines' colonial encounters with the West, but also to the tactics of gendered and sexual disciplining and normalization that are fundamental to Canada's own settler colonial project. More specifically, I put forward that Filipino/a sexualities in Canada be understood to be in negotiation with the neo-colonial conditions of labour migration from the Philippines and the racial and gendered colonial and capitalist processes that undergird the nation-building project of Canada.  Essentially, this dissertation attempts to take seriously and work with queer and Two-Spirit Indigenous and settler colonial critiques of queer of colour scholarship that centre on the post-colonial and transnational figure of the queer diasporic subject. Driskill 	   12	  (2010) expresses disappointment with "new queer studies" brought about by racialized queer scholars engaged in resisting the recentering of the normative gay white male in queer scholarship. While Driskill attests to the promise and potential of queer of colour interventions for the scholarship's skill and ability to hold race and nation together in a sustained critique of normativity, he writes that for Two-Spirit Indigenous scholars and Native studies: "Our disappointment lies in the recognition of an old story within “the new queer studies”: Native people, Native histories, and ongoing colonial projects happening on our lands are included only marginally, when included at all" (ibid: 70). Sarah Hunt and Cindy Holmes (2015) make a similar critique wherein they appreciate the efforts of queer of colour critiques that apprehend the interlocking nature of race, gender and sexuality but call on this scholarship to embark on processes of decolonization in two inter-related ways. First, they urge queer of colour and queer scholarship to more fully and deeply engage with the work of queer Indigenous scholars, leaders, and women whose theories and practice of decolonization offer opportunities to destabilize white settler colonialism and gender logics. Second, Hunt and Holmes, like Driskill, urge that postcolonial queer critiques centre the "ongoing colonialism in the land and communities in which we live," (ibid: 57) to contend with the embodied and material ways that (de)colonialism takes shape. Hunt, Holmes and Driskill hone in on a central tension in queer of colour postcolonial scholarship -- that often the queer diasporic subject is understood as an inherently disruptive figure whose mobility across nation-state borders can be too easily celebrated for its potential to transgress normative notions of nation and citizenship. Scott Morgensen (2011) cautions against this tendency, a tendency that he argues can naturalize settler colonialism and displace its logic of elimination and genocide. Morgensen is careful to point out that the non-Native in settler colonial situations cannot be universalized, but rather should be understood as heterogeneous and with particular histories and legacies of colonialism. However, he persists in not absolving immigrants of colour in participating in and inheriting settler-colonial relations. He calls upon queer postcolonial and queer of colour scholarship to attend to the making of sexualities in these relations. Of particular interest to me is Morgensen's mention of Martin Manlansan's work on gay Filipinos in New York. He acknowleges the relevance of Manalansan's argument that diasporic gay Filipino men's everyday negotiations 	   13	  challenge two normative narratives. First, Manalansan takes to task the notion of a universal gay identity. Second, his study of gay Filipinos in New York defies dominant racial and sexual narrative that supposes that queer migrants find modernity in the US. His focus on the everyday allows Manalansan to critique US colonial legacies that gay Filipino men negotiate even with their migration. Manalansan writes: "Carrying the baggage of colonial and postcolonial cultures, the Filipino gay immigrant arrives in the United States not to begin a process of Americanization but rather to continue and transform the ongoing engagement with America" (2003: 13). To this transnational formulation, Morgensen responds with a challenge to Manalansan and diasporic queers of colour to think about the colonial formation of settler societies when thinking about engagements with America. In his own words: "Interpreting how Filipino gay men claim transnational identities in relation to Native queer diasporas on stolen land could clarify how they perform queer modernities that, by defying U.S. colonial modernity, also open all its settler colonial power to question" (Morgensen 2011: 178).   Sharon Holland (2010) makes several interesting interventions and critiques in her "Afterword" to the GLQ: Journal on Lesbian and Gays Studies' special issue entitled "Sexuality, Nationality, Indigeneity." For the purposes of introducing this dissertation, I will focus on two of her interventions that directly relate to Indigenous scholars' productive tensions with queer of colour scholarship. First, Holland points to a misreading she believes that the collection on sexuality and Indigeneity repeats in its engagement with queer of colour critiques. She insists that queer of colour critiques lump together divergent strands of women of colour feminisms for use as an analytical and archetypical tool. For Holland, queer of colours' monolithic treatment "[...] robs it [women of colour femininisms] of its own specificity and sometimes contradictory nature" (ibid: 290). Holland cautions queer Indigenous scholarship to be careful about unwittingly folding into its critique of queer of colour scholarship the work of women of colour feminists. She holds out that the theorizations of women of colour are not at all monolithic and might possibly even offer more similarities than differences with the interventions in queer theory being made by LGBTQ Two-Spirit and Native sexuality scholars. Put another way, Holland asks of the authors in the collection "How is an antipoverty and -imperialism platform not in the service of many peoples in some way, 	   14	  especially since an anti-imperialist stance does attend, in some degree, to the problem introduced by colonial settler presence?" (ibid: 290). The second intervention Holland makes of interest to this dissertation is her shared wariness with queer Native studies of what is called the transnational turn in queer theory. She explains her critique of queer of colour scholarships' preoccupation with the transnational and encourages queer Indigenous and Native sexuality scholarship to engage with the work of black queer studies: The turn to the transnational, however, has consumed the critical stage, and work that doesn’t seem to look outward at a “diaspora” beyond the Gulf, Atlantic, or Pacific is too often considered narrow and suspect. In these essays is a sustained critique of this turn to the transnational, and as a scholar in queer studies I only wish for more connection between those discourses in other fields that have tried to effect similar crossings. (2010: 293) Given that Native studies and Indigenous scholarship remind us that, as Holland put it, "there are nations within these United States," she holds out that Black queer studies, which has made similar critiques of the transnational, be brought into closer engagement with queer Indigenous scholarship. 1.3.2 Interventions: Theoretical and Empirical Contributions This dissertation does not escape but rather sits uncomfortably in Holland's and queer Indigenous scholarship's critiques of queer of colour's transnational preoccupation. I sit uncomfortably with their critiques since I trace the ways that Filipino sexualities are constituted in a transnational manner -- between the Philippines and Canada. I argue that Filipino/a sexualities in Canada are constituted by and in relationship with the processes of labour migration from the Philippines and nation-making in Canada. Using a transnational and post-colonial framework that simultaneously holds empire and colony or the "here" and "there" together, work on the Philippine diaspora has shown how the Filipino abroad remains largely attached to the Philippine nation. Philippine Presidents since the 1980's have mobilized the Bagong Bayani [the nation's new hero] narrative to tether its overseas citizens to the Philippine nation both affectively (i.e. patriotism) and materially (i.e. remittances) (see Fajardo 2011, Gueverra 2010, Rodriguez 2010). For 	   15	  different purposes but with similar rhetoric, nationalist movements also appeal to the overseas Filipino to "remember the homeland" (see Rodriguez 2010 and 2002, San Juan 2001). In Canada, the Filipino/a is attached to the Canadian nation through labour and normative notions of citizenship. Scholars have turned to transnational frameworks to help make sense of how Filipinos and our politics have taken shape in Canada through labour migration from the Philippines and the gendered and racialized labour Filipinos perform in Canada (see Bonifacio 2015; Pratt 2015, 2012, 2010; Kelly 2015, Barber 2005). So while the Filipino/a who labours abroad continues to be involved in the neo-colonial nation-building project of the Philippines through material and affective ties, they are at the same time involved in the settler colonial capitalist nation-building project of Canada. Put together then, I understand that this multi-layered relationship between the Philippines and Canada sets the conditions for the coming into being of Filipina/o sexualities in Canada.   While a turn to transnationalism thinks productively of questions of citizenship and belonging for Filipinos in Canada, these questions can be complicated and extended through a fuller engagement with critical work on race and coloniality in tandem with critical Indigenous scholarship. Jodi Byrd's (2011) work on indigeneity as a transit for US empire-building provides a way to think about how I might build on work being done on the Philippine diaspora. I look to Byrd here as she provides a helpful way to approach the Filipino/a diaspora in Canada that does not allow me to easily escape from the discomfort of Holland's and queer Indigenous scholars' critiques of queer of colour work, but presents a framing in which I can hold connections between the Philippines and Canada as two different colonial enterprises to apprehend how our sexualities are constituted in these formulations. In Transit of Empire: Indigenous Critiques of Colonialism, Byrd builds on Lisa Lowe's earlier theorizations of intimacy and four continents.5  Lowe holds Africa, Asia, Europe and the Americas together by tracing the colonial racialized labour force between the dispossession of Indigenous peoples in North America, the migration of slave and indentured labour from Africa and Asia, and the rise of European liberalism in the 1800's. Byrd critiques this formulation of labour asking: "Asia, Africa, and Europe 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  5 Byrd's critique of Lisa Lowe's "intimacy of the four continents" is based on Lowe's (2006) essay, Lowe has since attended to Byrd's critique in the book The Intimacies of Four Continents (2015). 	   16	  all meet in the Americas to labor over the dialectics of free and unfree, but what of the Americas themselves and the prior peoples upon whom that labor took place?" (ibid: xxv). She presses this point by suggesting that settler colonialism and the dispossession and erasure of Indigenous peoples underwrites the intimacies of the four continents. In effect, without theorizing settler colonialism in the Americas in relation to racialized labour: [T]he native peoples of the Americas are collapsed into slavery; their only role within the disavowed intimacies of racialization is either one equivalent to that of African slaves or their ability to die so imported labor can make use of their lands. Thus, within the "intimacies of four continents;' indigenous peoples in the new world cannot, in this system, give rise to any historical agency or status within the "economy of affirmation and forgetting;' because they are the transit through which the dialectic of subject and object occurs. (ibid: xxv)  For Byrd, there is a fundamental problem with this framework that collapses Native people with slavery and death. While it allows for an appreciation of how racialization invigorates violences in the US and abroad, by displacing or "forgetting", as Byrd put it, its "origins in slavery, genocide, and indentureship," anti-colonial, anti-imperialist and struggles for social justice are streamlined into discourses of liberal multiculturalism organized around the grammar of enfranchisement, humanism, pluralism, and freedom by conflating race and colonialism.  As one way to handle these shortcomings, Byrd wonders how to situate or apprehend the arrivals of people by choice and by force to North America in relationship with Indigenous peoples in ways that fully grasp ongoing conditions of settler colonialism. Of direct relevance to my discomfort and dilemma in tracing sexualities between the Philippines and Canada, Byrd distinguishes forms of arrival and uses the idea of the "arrivant," a concept she borrows from African Caribbean poet Kamau Brathwaite, to denote peoples who have been forced to North America because of European and Anglo-American colonialism and imperialism elsewhere. By attending to how different colonialisms arrive in North America and on Indigenous lands, Byrd hopes to put forward an appreciation for what she calls the "cacophonies of colonialism," as a way to read colonialisms in a horizontal manner for what they are and do instead of reading colonialisms with the intent of finding a causal order. She holds out that such a 	   17	  reading could be realized through an engagement with Indigenous critical theory, which insists on confronting the colonial logics of settler states. By trying to hold different colonialisms together, as they meet in North America via the ongoing settler colonial conditions and relations of Indigenous dispossession, Byrd sees the possibility of reconfiguring relations in what she calls a "transformative accountability" wherein: [I]t asks that settler, native, and arrivant each acknowledge their own positions within empire and then reconceptualize space and history to make visible what imperialism and its resultant settler colonialisms and diasporas have sought to obscure. Within the continental United States, it means imagining an entirely different map and understanding of territory and space: a map constituted by over 565 sovereign indigenous nations, with their own borders and boundaries, that transgress what has been naturalized as contiguous territory divided into 48 states. (ibid: xxx) With Byrd's offering to read for colonialisms in the manner she describes above -- one that acknowledges position, is attentive to what imperialism obscures, and is rooted firmly in understanding the particularities of the continuing efforts to dispossess Indigenous peoples from their lands and self-determining authority -- I attempt in this dissertation to bring scholarship on Filipino/as in Canada and the diaspora in a closer engagement with such approaches to colonialism and race. In particular, I draw on the work of Indigenous and critical race scholars engaged in theorizing the racial and gendered underpinnings of liberal states in settler colonial nations like Canada. I do so to apprehend how sexualities come to be in Canada. In other words, with this dissertation I work to bring scholarship on the Filipino diaspora in closer conversation with discussions taking place in critical work on race and Indigenous studies. In these works, scholars point to the key logic of whiteness in settler colonial contexts. Aileen Moreton-Robinson argues that whiteness is simultaneously the arbiter of Indigenous disposession and the "invisible measure who can hold possession" (2015: 6). She suggests that as the arbiter, it is through whiteness that non-white (im)migrants negotiate a sense of belonging as their legal right to belong is authorized by the settler state that enables dispossession. In his study of Asian settler colonialism in Kanaka ‘Ōiwi, Dean Saranillio (2015) also points to the importance of whiteness in structuring racial formations in settler colonial contexts. He argues that an analysis of white supremacy is critical to understanding how non-Indigenous people of colour become aligned with the liberal settler state. Building on 	   18	  transnational scholarship on the Filipino diaspora, I bring to the discussions a critique of the white heteropatriachal colonial and capitalist underpinnings of Canada. I do to mark the ways that interlocking systems of power and oppression work differently on the racialized (im)migrant bodies of the Filipino diaspora in Canada as well as to be cognizant of the racial relations conditioning the different ways this power works in Canada as a settler colonial state. The intervention highlights the ways that co-constituting vectors of power work through these specific geographies and at particular sites. In doing so, I bring to literature on sexuality and space, which critiques normalizing regimes (see Oswin 2008, Browne 2006, Puar et al. 2003), ideas on how normalizing logics are imprinted by overlapping colonial projects where race, gender, class and sexuality converge.  To trace the workings of colonial power race, gender, and sexuality on Filipinos who are wrapped up in nation-building projects of the Philippines and Canada, I turn to the organizing work and ideas of self-identifying LGBTQ Filipino activists and two significant sites in the Philippine cultural landscape, basketball and beauty pageants, that continue to hold significance among Filipinos in Canada. Basketball and beauty pageants account for two of the three 'B's in what is popularly known as the 3B's -- basketball, boxing, and beauty pageants -- a mantra that echoes over the Philippines to Canadian cities and towns where and when Filipinos congregate. From a country made up of islands with distinctive languages and cultures, this popular mantra is meant to inspire an ideal of unity. Basketball, boxing, and beauty pageants are popularly regarded as a means and mode of bringing together a people geographically, historically and socially divided. In Canada, where Filipinos began migrating in the 1960's, this refrain reverberates among a community that is in many ways divided -- along class, gender, generational, geographical and other lines not yet theorized (i.e religious, regional, etc). Pages of community papers and social media sites are filled with photos of events that center around the pageant and the basketball court. Filling these sites are certain bodies. These bodies both perform and are performative. They do something in material ways, in their physicality (i.e. movements, encounters), and they do something in the sense that they bring certain subjectivities into being. Alongside the basketball court and pageant runways, I explore the sexual subjectivities of Filipinos in the work and thoughts of 	   19	  Filipinos who are organizing around LGBTQ issues in the community or more broadly. As they are engaged in carefully thinking about how sexuality figures into the lives of Filipinos in Canada, their efforts are good starting points for considering how a sexual politics for Filipinos is unfolding.  To examine these sites, I conducted interviews and observations with organizers, players, and participants at community-organized leagues, pageants and LGBTQ formations throughout the unceded, traditional and ancestral territories of the Musqueam, Skxwú7mesh, and Tsleil-Waututh peoples (also known as Greater Vancouver). In total, I conducted 41 interviews (17 LGBTQ organizers; 12 basketball players and organizers; 12 pageant organizers and participants), and attended several basketball games and pageant events throughout the community. I conducted follow-up interviews with some participants to ask more particular questions about issues raised in initial interviews. The interviews were from thirty minutes to an hour and a half. At basketball leagues, I observed several games in each visit. I visited a basketball league for anywhere between one to four hours. The number of hours I spent at pageants depended on the nature of the pageant. Generally, I attended pageant events for three to six hours per visit. The gendered sexualities of Filipinos in Canada has been touched on in earlier academic writings (see Pratt et al. 2003), and is now being developed (Diaz et al. forthcoming, Diaz 2016, Bonifacio 2013). However, no previous research has systematically delved into the ways in which Filipino-Canadian sexualities may relate to the Philippine diaspora and white settler colonial Canadian narratives and nation-building processes. Likewise there is no or little scholarship on the empirical sites that are central to this dissertation. Basketball as a site for community and subject-formation for the Filipino in Canada remains unexplored, while pageants as a gathering place for Filipinos in Canada is beginning to be theorized (see Diaz 2016, Tungohan 2014). Given the paucity of scholarship at these empirical sites and on the gendered and racialized sexualities of Filipinos in Canada, this dissertation speaks to these gaps in ways that hold processes of race, colonialism and power in multiple geographies. 1.4. Dissertation Outline This dissertation is structured around two main questions. First, it is organized around the 	   20	  question: what are the gendered and racialized sexualities of subjects involved in Philippine and Canadian colonial nation-building projects? Second, the dissertation is given structure by a question that follows the first: what is at stake in these processes?  The first question pays attention to the conditions of possibility for sexualities among Filipinos in Canada by asking what performances are at play over different spaces. The second attends to the politics of accountability and responsibility to the conditions that make our sexualities possible.  Chapter 2 begins by delving into questions around conducting research and producing knowledge on sexuality and intimacies in communities I identify with and participate in. The chapter moves through questions about difficulties and dilemmas that come with doing research on topics that can sometimes be uncomfortable, such as discussions of sexuality for Filipinos, the reifying normative logics of identity and questions of unity, and our place in the project of white settler colonialism. It situates these questions in the sets of scholarly literature that I understand this dissertation to be in conversation with. Namely, the chapter traverses literatures in queer theory, post-colonial and critical race feminisms, critical Indigenous studies, and scholarly work on the Filipino diaspora. This chapter introduces my foray into exploring the gendered, racialized and classed sexualities of Filipino/as in Canada by way of the dilemmas I encountered in conducting research and writing this dissertation to provide the theoretical frameworks used throughout the dissertation. Chapter 3 follows these questions to the basketball courts where Filipinos (mainly men and boys) come together in play and competition in leagues organized in the community in Vancouver. I follow the ways that basketball is evoked as an opportunity to provide Filipino men in Canada life lessons on proper heteronormative masculinities. I examine how players engage in the sport for health reasons in two ways. Firstly, I look at how basketball is played as a means to keep their bodies healthy in order for them to be able to sell their labour in Canada. Second, I analyze how basketball is used as a site to form healthy heterosexual masculinities in efforts to align their bodies along the grains of the nation's white heteropatriarchal settler colonial underpinnings. In chapter 4, I turn my attention to pageants as a site where Filipinos (mainly women and girls) gather in processions and contests at community organized pageants. I follow the figure of the Maria Clara as an archetype for Filipina 	   21	  femininity from the Philippines to Canada in the ways that she is evoked by women who participate or plan pageants in Canada. More precisely, I write about the ways in which Filipina femininity through the Maria Clara is reincarnated from her Spanish colonial beginnings in the Philippines to a labouring figure in the settler colonial economy of Canada. The chapter understands beauty as a colonial technology and the pageant as a site for political contestation to stitch together how the two assemble in multicultural performances that reify and push back on gendered heteronormativities necessary in settler colonial gender and sexual formations that queer Indigenous peoples. Chapter 5 focuses on the sexual politics that are emerging among Filipino/as in Canada. It revolves around the possibilities and limits of "holding Filipino-ness and queerness together," a phrasing and idea that Katie Zalazar introduced in an interview for this project. The chapter pays particular attention to how queerness is understood and experienced in racialized terms as a white logic and politics and how Filipina/os negotiate these processes. To work through these negotiations, I look at how we navigate family and community dynamics and formations as spaces that disrupt normative notions of immigrant families and communities as inherently repressive or backward. The chapter concludes by introducing starting points from which queer Filipina/os are attempting to articulate a sexual politics that is attune to the ongoing settler colonial conditions of Canada and the responsibilities that come with such a politics.      	   22	  Chapter 2. Diasporic and Decolonial Dilemmas: Queering the Filipino in Canada 2.1 Introduction Virglio's6 eyes follow a passerby through the window of a cafe. We are sitting over coffee for our interview near Vancouver's most readily identifiable gay and lesbian neighbourhood. I watch Virglio, a self-identified gay man in his 50's, as his glance tracks the passerby and comes back to me. "What do you expect?" he asks, "We are near the gay village." Virglio does not live in this neighbourhood, so he explains to me that he relishes people-watching when he is in this part of the city. Our conversation then turns to these opportunities to look and be observed and the racialized sexual politics that undergird these encounters. He goes on, "[...] this is very typical of Filipinos. Well if you see somebody with a Filipino guy, see a white guy, "well if he liked him then he’ll like me too, because I’m Filipino." So you try to subvert the relationship, which is really sad, because I mean you should be supporting one another, but instead it becomes competitive."  Virglio is speaking to a myriad of overlapping tensions that he negotiates as a Filipino gay man in Canada. He taps into ideas of competition, conflict and contradiction --  competition to be close to whiteness; conflict to be set apart from fellow Filipinos; and finally contradiction to be caught up in a struggle to either support his fellow Filipino on the one hand or vie for proximity to whiteness on the other, a racial mindset that posits the Filipino gay man as interchangeable and homogenous. What is assumed in his thoughts about encounters with other gay Filipino men in Vancouver is a shared identity. As Virglio implies, this shared identity rotates around a core essence of being Filipino but it is also fraught with tension.   These tensions and negotiations point to some of the dilemmas over which I stumbled in my process of conducting research and producing knowledge about and for a community that is bounded by an assumed identity -- that of being a Filipino outside of the Philippines. In this chapter I dwell on these negotiations as a way to situate myself in the politics of knowledge production and to place this knowledge in conversation with 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  6 Some of the names of my informants are pseudonyms while other participants chose to use their real names 	   23	  both a context and a framework. More specifically, I ask two inter-related questions that revolve around the stakes of being engaged in a project that centers on the sexualities of racialized diasporic bodies, questions that are wrapped up in multiple nation-building and colonial projects. First, I wonder: what might it mean to produce knowledge on and among a community with which I identify and position myself and my relations within?  I am concerned, not only or especially with the personal politics of studying from inside a group but also with the work that the identity category "Filipino" does in the context of the Philippine diaspora and settler colonial relations in Canada. My second question takes the lead from Sherene Razack, Malinda Smith and Sunera Thobani who ask that racialized immigrants engaged in feminist politics confront the question "How can we theorize our 'place,' when the place itself is stolen?" (2010: 2). With this question, I attempt to take seriously the work of Indigenous activists and scholars who are bringing to the fore the urgent need to come to grips with the continuing theft and dispossession of Indigenous lands and peoples in Canada's settler colonial project. In this vein, I think of what the "place" of racialized, gendered, and sexualized bodies of Filipinos labouring and living on the unceded and ancestral territories of the Coast Salish peoples (Vancouver) is in relation to settler colonialism and white heteropatriarchal logics. These two questions lay the tracks along which my dilemmas unfold. They bring me to argue that the Filipino/a comes to be in the folds of the gendered and racialized neo-colonial conditions of labour migration from the Philippines and colonial project of Canada that needs the Filipino/a's particular labour. I build on transnational framings by locating the formation of the Filipino/a community in Canada in racial, gender and sexual processes rooted in Canada's white heteropatriachal moorings. I believe that locating the subject- and community- formation of Filipino/as in Canada in these colonial underpinnings helps to further flesh out how racialized (im)migrants are entangled in settler colonial relations.  So while this chapter is primarily about quandaries over approaching research on Filipino/a sexualities, it also serves to introduce my critique of normative notions of Canada, citizenship and national belonging from different experiences and positions in the Filipino diaspora in Canada.  	   24	  2.2. Dilemma 1: Queering the Filipino/a outside of the Philippines My first dilemma starts with the same assumption that permeates Virglio's conundrum over the sexual and racial politics involved in his encounters with gay male whiteness. That is the assumption of a presumed shared identity of being Filipino. My project is in the first instance concerned with the sexualities of individuals who self-identify as Filipinos in Canada. Virglio and I are not alone in our shared assumption. Carl, a 50-year who organizes a basketball league for Filipinos in Vancouver, adds another dimension or geography to this assumed identity explaining: "[...] it's nice to be united -- Filipinos born there [Philippines] and here [Canada] -- so you could share both cultures and then you blend it together. That's my Filipino way -- if you blend something, you join them together, something positive will come out of it." Much work has been done critiquing identity when treated as a stable universal category, especially the ways that  universal categories fuel normative and liberal politics. Queer of colour scholars in particular have demonstrated how such forms of cultural nationalism reify both hetero- and homo-normative subjects (Eng 2010, Puar 2007, Gopinath 2005). I do not wish to fix Filipino nor non-normative sexualities as immutable categories nor do I want to essentialize the Philippines and Canada as fixed objects. However, while I am sympathetic to the cause of critiques that aim to destabilize and disrupt identity categories, I admit that I myself identify as a queer Filipina women and with a community that coalesces around a shared sense of being Filipino in Canada. This dilemma haunts the ways I went about collecting information, formulated the questions I asked, streamlined the people I interacted with, and informs the ideas that fill these pages.  The editors of Filipinos in Canada: Disturbing Invisibility, Coloma et al (2012) point to the slippery slope of producing knowledge about Filipinos/as in Canada as such efforts might calcify a normative Filipino identity. They suggest three ways to wrestle with this predicament. For one, they propose that analysis begin with the conditions of possibility that bring Filipinos into being in Canada. Second, they advocate for a politics that amalgamates around certain issues that form our common experiences instead of a politics theorized around a normative Filipino subject. And finally, they insist that postcolonial and transnational theories can help theorize the Filipino/a in a way that does 	   25	  not rely on a sovereign Philippine state for legibility. Coloma et al's propositions form the jumping off point for my own efforts to work with the notion of a Filipino/a in Canada. In particular, I ponder the conditions that bring Filipinos in general, and Filipino gendered, racialized and classed sexualities in particular, into being. I think about where, how and in what ways the idea of the Filipino/a is mobilized. I also dwell on where and how sexualities particular to these deployments come into being. Put differently, I am interested in queering the Filipino in Canada.	  2.2.1 Queering and Its Conundrums  In his History of Sexuality, Michel Foucault persuasively implores that, “...we must at the same time conceive of sex without the law, and power without the king" (1990: 91). It could be said that the roots of queer theory have been inspired by such a thought: that sexuality is produced and performed rather than negated and repressed. Unsatisfied with how gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender studies narrowly approached sexuality as an essential identity or orientation possessed by individuals, Foucault's ideas encouraged queer theorists to move beyond a hetero/homo-sexual binary to think more expansively of how power works to create and maintain certain norms around sex and sexuality. Understood thus, sexuality serves as a means through which power circulates so as to maximize bodily capacities and manage populations. Power framed in Foucault's manner is understood to circulate through knowledge and discourse. There is no constitutive outside to power, meaning that the powerful do not exercise dominion over the dominated through laws that repress. Instead power radiates from multiple sites and is constantly shifting, changing. and enrolling people in capillary networks of power through modes of governmentality. Sexuality must be taken as a discourse, not as some internally coherent bodily element that is acted upon and repressed. In other words, queer theory has taken inspiration from feminist interventions that sought to destabilize any stable notion of gender, showing how gender is contingently made and remade along certain norms (Butler 1999). In the case of queer theory, heeding such feminist interventions has given way to efforts that show how a subject does not possess some essential sexuality, but that sexuality is generated in overlapping fields of desire, discourse, knowledge, and power through heteronormativity. In this sense, insofar as the 	   26	  genealogical roots of queer theory and its politics have sought to destabilize any notion of an ontological subject that possesses an essential sexuality, there is no imagined subject at its core.  While no subject is imagined at the core of queer theory, as queers of colour and Indigenous theorists have pointed out, the figure of the Western white gay normative male reemerges as a central but unspoken subject in queer theory's turn to deconstruct identities. As Bryant Alexander puts it: "...queer theory...[is]...grounded in Whiteness", involved in the "... blanching of racialized sexual differences that do not necessarily foreground Whiteness as its intent but as its effect....within the quest of universalizing larger notions of queer identity" (105). This quest for a universal notion of queer identity implicitly centers Western white gay males as the norm. Martin Manalansan (1995) is also explicit in his marking of the emergence of the gay white Western male as the marker of normativity in queer politics. He argues that: "All same- sex phenomena are placed within a developmental and teleological matrix that ends with Western “gay” sexuality. Non-“gay” forms are seen as archeological artifacts to be reckoned with only when excavating the origins of pan- cultural/pan-global homosexuality" (ibid: 4). Using the Stonewall riots as a touchstone for the emergence of the global gay phenomena, as a signpost in a transnational and transhistorical framing of the universal gay and lesbian, Manalansan brings into question the ways in which knowledge is produced and whose voice counts in the making of a universal gay narrative implicit in what was being manufactured as a global gay and lesbian rights movement. To counter this trend, Manalasan (2003) argues that we turn to the everyday and mundane in the lives of queers of colour to appreciate the materiality that disrupts dominant notions of processes involving borders, nationalism, migration and globalization.  In a different manner, the editors of Queer Indigenous Studies: Critical interventions in theory, politics, and literature appreciate queer theory's ability to launch critiques of heteronormativity and its accompanying gender logics. However, as Chris Finley (2011) writes in her essay for the edited collection, the ongoing colonial structures and processes that undergird heteronormativity and white patriarchy have been largely ignored by queer studies. Writing from the settler colonial context of the U.S., for Finley, centering colonial conditions would move queer theory away from efforts that call for the 	   27	  inclusion of queer people as a monolithic identity category in nation-state projects. Finley writes:  "Thinking about sovereignty and colonialism in relation to theory in queer studies would shift conversations of citizenship and subjectivity to rethinking the validity of the U.S. nation-state" (ibid: 33). For Hunt and Holmes (2015), part of a decolonial queer politics means more than making the "normal" seem "abnormal". They put forward that a decolonial queer politics should seriously engage with the work and activism of queer Indigenous scholars and communities.   I pick up from these insights made by Indigenous and racialized queer theorists to appreciate how queer theory apprehends heteropatriarchy as a normalizing logic while at the same time attempting to bring queer ways of knowing and seeing into discussions around race and colonialism. More specifically, while my starting point is the bodies of the Filipino diaspora in Canada, I am interested in interrogating the normative white heteropatriarchal logics underpinning colonialisms involved in the making of Filipino sexualities in Canada. In doing this, I hope to be mindful of the "ethnographic trap" that Audra Simpson and Andrea Smith (2014) theorize. Simpson and Smith argue that such a trap freezes racialized and Indigenous bodies in a liberal politics of identity and recognition that narrowly aims to have such bodies recognized by the liberal state while maintaining the structures and processes of settler colonialism, colonialism, capitalism and white supremacy. My own project of queering begins with a short examination of the Filipino as a colonial project and how various colonial projects in the Philippines set the conditions of possibility for the Filipino to come to be. I then move to explore how the Filipino comes to be in another set of colonial relations -- that of Canada as a white settler colonial nation.  2.2.2 The Filipino as a Colonial Product The idea of the Filipino itself emerges from the state- and mind- craft of colonial and empire-building machinery. Vicente Rafael (2000) reminds us that the Filipino materialized as a self-referential mode of consciousness through racialized encounters with Spanish and US colonialism. The term "Filipino" originally referred to children of Spanish parents born in Spain's colonial archipelago outpost -- marking a racial divide indexing those born at the edge of its empire in Asia against those of Spanish blood born 	   28	  in Spain. Rafael makes the point that this etymology of the Filipino allows us to remember the liminality of the Filipino. This is a liminality made through colonial impositions, categorization, and design, but also through nationalist fervor as a certain Filipino consciousness was born out of anti-Spanish colonial rebellion and revolution. Colonialism both divided and connected the islands that now make up the Philippine archipelago. For close to 300 years of Spanish colonial rule (1500-1896), what were once scattered communities connected through trade and other such forms of exchange, were folded into the Spanish empire. Peoples became organized under a system of feudalism characterized by landlord-peasant relations. In this process of colonization, ways of knowing, seeing, and being together were transformed and divisions between peoples over space (i.e. lowlanders and highlanders; house-slaves and peasant tillers) and social hierarchies like gendered binaries and racial configurations were produced. In the twinned processes involved in the colonization of the Philippines, with the generation of new divisions on one hand, and the consolidation of the archipelago through colonial feudalism on the other, scholars argue that the idea and ideal of a Philippine nation was forged (Rafael 2000, Constantino 1978). The coming together of common interests is apparent in the armed revolution of 1896 against Spanish colonial authorities, which crystallized a new sense of national unity in an anti-colonial uprising (Tadiar 2009, Rafael 2005).  Dylan Rodriguez (2010) rethinks this sense of a Filipino identity by recasting the question of subject-formation in the Philippines' imperial encounters with America. In thinking about how a particular Filipino subjectivity has coalesced in the United States among members of the Philippine diaspora, he tracks back to the violent history of US imperialism in the Philippines and the formation of the Filipino as "an essentially deformed nation-building project" (ibid: 33). Rodriguez specifically points to white supremacy and genocidal violence ingrained in the reasoning undergirding the US imperial occupation and colonization of the Philippines in the 20th century to make his point of the Filipino as warped. For him, the white supremacist logic of race in the making of the US nation and in contemporary American liberal multicultural discourse is fundamental to the production of what he calls the "Filipino global condition". It is precisely this logic in America's own nation-building project in tandem with its 	   29	  imperialist endeavors in the making of the Philippines that Rodriguez argues structures a Filipino subject. He writes: "There is no "prior to" or "outside of" colonial dominance, genocidal conquest, and neocolonial rule for the putative Filipino subject, since its very moment of articulation reinscribes the coercions and massive fatalities underlying the historical processes of Philippine nation making" (ibid: 6). In other words, the Filipino -- both in the Philippines and abroad -- has come to be through white supremacist (neo-) colonial and imperial violence. Stemming from this understanding of the Filipino condition, Rodriguez puts forward that the articulations of such an identity among Filipinos in America continues to actively forget the military and state violence that made the Philippines while buying into the American ideal of liberal multiculturalism in bourgeois efforts to display civility and belonging to the American nation.   I see two openings from Rodriguez' provocative critique of how the Filipino/Filipino-American has been theorized. For one, he problematizes any universalized notion of a Filipino that leaves untroubled or unexplored the colonial and white supremacist underpinnings structuring the conditions of its possibility. Two, he explores Filipino subjectivities' conditions of possibility in a frame that brings together the Philippines and abroad through the matrix of colonialism, nation- and empire-building. While Rodriguez leaves underexplored how heteropatriarchy figures into the making of the Filipino, I still find these two openings useful. His intervention invites me to wrestle with how I interpret "Filipino" in my own project. I risk reifying a particular notion of a Filipino in Canada that might reinscribe the "coercions and massive fatalities underlying" the making of the Philippines and Canada. To contend with this conundrum at the heart of my first dilemma, I think it constructive to dwell further on Rodriguez' assessment of the Filipino condition. I use the idea of the "Filipino" in Canada and the "Filipino" community, not only aware of the colonial and imperial underpinnings that have brought the Filipino into being, but also in the context of how my community has come to be in relation to the nation-building projects that hold the Philippines and Canada together. I ask: how have Filipinos come to be in the context of colonialisms, imperialism and nation-building projects? It is well beyond the scope of my project to offer a proper genealogy of the conditions of our possibility in Canada. Instead, I put forward some thoughts that could offer tentative footholds on which my project and my use of the 	   30	  "Filipino" in Canada can rest.  2.2.3 The Filipino in Canada and Our Colonial Entanglements Bonnie McElhinny, Lisa Davidson, John Paul Catungal, Ethel Tungohan and Roland Coloma (2012) outline a genealogy of scholarly work on Filipino/a Canadian issues while pointing to certain tensions and contradictions underpinning the production of knowledge on Filipina/os in Canada. They begin the task of tracing the development of Filipina/o Canadian scholarship by considering one such contradiction, that of the simultaneous hypervisibility and invisibility of Filipinos in Canada. Coloma et al argue that particular dominant classed, racialized and gendered narratives of "spectral figures,"specifically the "victimized nanny, selfless nurse, and problematic gangster youth" circulate, while the diversity within and issues of the community remain largely unknown and unexplored. While Coloma et al. set out their genealogy with this contradiction, they are weary of attempts to automatically seek out visibility in response to invisibility as the slipperiness of the politics of visibility has been well theorized by critical race theorists for its affinity to liberal tolerance and multiculturalism. While this collection of authors locates scholarship on Filipino/a Canadian issues in conversation with critical race studies, they insist that because of the particularities of Filipino immigration patterns to Canada, Filipino/a Canadian studies parts ways with critical race scholarship in its turn to transnationalism to make sense of the Filipino diaspora in Canada. As they argue, "The transnational experiences of Filipina/os in Canada cannot be completely divorced from the politics and economy of the Philippines" (ibid: 11). With this framework in mind, I begin thinking here about how the Filipino has come to be in Canada by attempting to, as scholars and activists before and with me have done, holding onto the conditions of the Filipinos possibility that structure the bonds between the Philippines and Canada.   To do this work of figuring out the conditions of possibility that bring the Filipino into being in Canada, I believe that it is necessary to contend with the settler colonial and capitalist configurations on which Canada itself has come to be. Grappling with such configurations helps to place how and where the Filipino subject or Filipino community fits into these relationships. Glen Coulthard (2014) is clear to point out that the dispossession of Indigenous nations and peoples from their lands acted and continues to 	   31	  function as the fundamental logic in the consolidation of Canada as a nation-state. In line with settler colonial scholar Patrick Wolfe who posits territoriality or access to land as settler colonialism's irreducible element, Coulthard writes:  [I]n the Canadian context, colonial domination continues to be structurally committed to maintain [...] ongoing state access to the land and resources that contradictorily provide the material and spiritual sustenance of Indigenous societies on the one hand, and the foundation of colonial state-formation, settlement, and capitalist development on the other" (ibid: 7).	  	  In other words, the dispossession of Indigenous peoples from their lands and self-determining power remains a fundamental organizing principle in the production and securing of Canada as a colonial and capitalist nation-state. Coulthard works with Marx's primitive accumulation thesis to make sense of how dispossession constitutes Canada. Marx's thesis explains the violent transformation from non-capitalist forms of production and livelihood to capitalist forms of life. For Coulthard, this violent transformation is ongoing. From the violent conquest and colonial undertakings of European empires that displaced Indigenous nations to contemporary liberal politics that aims to assimilate Indigenous peoples, Coulthard argues that settler colonial relations in North America remain largely intact. Instead, this transformation in the form of dispossession continues through various strategies and tactics. As Coulthard puts it: "When related back to the primitive accumulation thesis it appears that the history and experience of dispossession, not proletarization, has been the dominant background structure shaping the character of the historical relationship between Indigenous peoples and the Canadian state." (2014: 13 original emphasis). Indigenous feminist and Two-Spirit scholars complement and complicate this focus on territoriality as a founding structure of settler colonialism by demonstrating how gendering and sexualization also work as intimate and embodied forms of dispossession. Bonita Lawrence (2003) details how the gender disciplining of Indigenous women by Canadian laws and insitutitions systematically undercuts their ways of being and relationships in their respecitve Nations. For example, Lawrence explains how gendered regulation of Indigenous identity under the Indian Act: "[...] disrupted the viability of Native communities for over a centruy by forcibly removing tens of thousands of Native women and their descendents from their communities for marrying nonstatus or non-Native men" (ibid: 5-6). Here Lawrence theorizes a link 	   32	  between the dispossession of Indigenous women's sovereignty with the ongoing dispoessesion of Indgienous lands and territorities. Alex Wilson's (2008) research with Two-Spirit Indigenous peoples in northern Manitoba and Winnipeg demonstrates how sexuality is used in the settler colonial project. Wilson's research participants shared a sense of fragmentation as a result of their own or their families and communities' experiences with residential schools. As Wilson points out, residential schools were rolled out to remove Indigenous children from their families in order to strip them of their language, spirituality and connections to their communities. As part of this form of violent removal, her research participants shared how the binary gender and sexual disciplining at residential schools overflowed the classroom and permeated into their family homes and communities where their non-binary racialized gendered sexualities became targets for regulation and correction. Here Wilson theorizes an intimate connection between colonial gender-sexual regimes and the erosion of Indigenous' knowledge systems and relations in a settler colonial context.  These Indigenous scholars' analysis of Canada as a settler colonial and capitalist nation is key to my own appreciation of how the Filipino has come to be in these relations. To explore this insight and connection further, I turn to the work of feminist critical race scholars in conversation with Indigenous theorists.  Sherene Razack (2002) outlines three stages in the national mythology of Canada that pivot on racial and heteropatriarchal story lines. The first phase of the white settler society story frames Canada as an empty or uninhabited landscape wholly available for and framed as in need of European conquest. Building on this story of the empty land, the displacement and dispossession of Indigenous Nations deepens in the second chapter in Canada's national mythology. This chapter celebrates the hardy and industrious figure of the male European settler who braved the wide-open lands and tamed its natural environment with his superior intellect and hard work. And in the latest and most recent chapter in the Canadian dominant nationalist narrative, Razack introduces the racialized immigrant whom, she argues, poses a threat to the pristine heroic narrative of white settler glory.  She explains that since the 1990s, "The land, once empty and later populated by hardy settlers is now besieged and crowded by Third World refugees and migrants who are drawn to Canada by the legendary niceness of European Canadians, 	   33	  their well-known commitment to democracy, and the bounty of their land" (ibid: 4). While Clouthard centers the settler colonial logic of the Canadian nation-state, Razack centers how colonial, gender and racial logics operate in the Canadian nation-state and theorizes the place of racialized immigrants in Canada's nation-building narratives. Jodi Byrd (2011) offers a means to bring together these the two related understandings of Canada when she writes that, in the U.S. settler colonial context, colonialisms worked through what she calls the "deferred Indian" as a transit point for US empire-building all over the world (ibid: 222):  Colonialism worlded the Americas into a planet, and as eighteenth- and nineteenth-century colonialisms continue into the present throughout the global North and South, indigenous peoples are forced into proximities they might not have chosen for themselves as they have become neighbors to arrivants they did not anticipate.  With Byrd's idea of the setter colonial dispossession of Indigenous peoples "worlding the Americas into a planet," at the turn of the nineteenth-century alongside Clouthard and Razack's arguments, I believe the subject of the Filipino in Canada begins to take shape in the neo-colonial conditions of labour migration from the Philippines and in the racial and gendered colonial and capitalist processes that undergird the nation-building project of Canada. Rather than two discrete sets of conditions, processes involved in labour migration from the Philippines come together with capitalist labour needs in Canada to bring the Filipina/o into being in Canada. While scholars have already made this important argument (see for example Kelly 2015 Pratt 2012, Barber 2008), throughout this dissertation, I build on their transnational framings by locating the formation of the Filipino/a community in Canada in racial, gender and sexual processes rooted in Canada's white heteropatriachal moorings. I believe that locating the subject- and community- formation of Filipino/as in Canada in these colonial underpinnings helps to further flesh out how racialized (im)migrants are entangled in settler colonial relations.  Beginning in the 1960s, the migration of Filipinos is set within the general wave of immigrants entering Canada from the global South. In this general wave, the Canadian state began facilitating the migration of racialized immigrants and migrants of colour for the double-pronged purpose of pursuing Canada's neoliberal economic agenda and securing its white settler colonial project (Walia 2013, Razack et al. 2010). The clarity of 	   34	  Canada's neoliberal capitalist agenda can be seen in what many describe as the first wave of Filipino migration to Canada. In the 1960's Philippine-trained nurses (mostly women) were actively recruited by the Canadian state to fill the particular labour demand needed for the restructuring of Canada's health care system. Neoliberal restructuring policies in this post-World War II period left the health care system strapped for nursing labour (Stasiulis and Bakan 2005). Valerie Damasco (2012), in her study of Filipino nurse migration to Toronto in the 1960's, demonstrates how the Canadian state actively facilitated the migration of Filipino healthcare professionals to fill this demand. From this initial wave of Filipino migrants, the gendered and racialized labour characterized by the relatively lower wages such labour can inject into the Canadian political economy continues to typify contemporary migration patterns. At the same time, in the Philippines, enduring Spanish colonial structures of landlessness merged with a neo-colonial political economy being restructured through the dictates of U.S.-led economic arrangements to jumpstart the export of Philippine labour (Rodriguez 2010, Tadiar 2009). In Canada, Pauline Barber (2008) uses the idea of a "continuing dance of flexibility and capital mobility" to make sense of how Filipino migration could be understood through the prism of the Canadian political economy's penchant and incessant need for cheap labour most effectively satisfied by the more pliable labour of gendered and racialized (im)migrant bodies. Recall that in Coutlhard's (2014) assessment of settler colonialism's irreducible logic, the drive to dispossess Indigenous peoples of their lands and territories did not, as Marx theorized in his thesis on primitive accumulation, neatly result in the proletarianization of Indigenous peoples. Instead, he maintains that dispossession of Indigenous peoples' territories and self-determining authority characterizes Indigenous peoples' relation to Canada in a set of colonial relations through which the development of capitalist forms of production and life has developed in Canada. With this schema in mind, one that holds the colonial character and capitalist project of Canada in tension, I suggest that the Filipino comes to be as racialized and gendered labour necessary for the development of capitalism in Canada and strategic in the project to erase Indigenous peoples from the territories and self-determination. Iyko Day (2016) argues that Asian migrants' primary relationship to settler colonialism in North American is labour. According to Day, the Asian migrant enters North America in tandem with Black slave 	   35	  labour to transform Indigenous land into white property and capital. She puts forward that the different historical and economic contexts for what she calls the "alien labour" of Asians and African Americans highlight how different racial processes work in the economy of settler colonialism.  I will delve a little deeper into how I think the Filipino fits into these colonial and capitalist racialized relations and what is at stake in these formations as I think through the dilemmas that follow. However, in the immediate, as I consider the dilemma of how Filipinos come to be in the context of colonialisms, imperialism and nation-building projects in particular to Canada, I think it appropriate to reconsider my family's own history of migration and labour in Canada.  My parents are from a coastal province on Luzon, one of the three main island groups of the Philippines. They migrated to Canada in 1973, one year after the formal declaration of Martial Law in the Philippines and several years after moving to Manila to work as teachers in a public elementary and high school. When they migrated, they joined my mother's aunt who was already working on the unceded and traditional territory of the Musqueam Nation in Vancouver. It was this aunt, a Philippine-trained nurse who migrated in the 1960's, who sponsored my mother, father, and two older sisters. Not only did she sponsor my immediate family, but this aunt also arranged the migration of several of my aunts, uncles and cousins. This wave of relatively wide family sponsorship was facilitated by the liberalisation of Canadian immigration policies in the 1970s. While immigration policies were widened at this time, the occupational choices of newly arrived Filipinos were not as broad. In this wave of Filipino immigrants, sometimes referred to as the second wave, the phenomena of deskilling began to take hold. My mother and father both held university degrees and teaching certificates. However, they never returned to their professions when they arrived in Canada. Much like other immigrants from the Global South, my parents' educations were not recognized and their professions not accredited, leaving them to look for low-skilled labour work. My dad worked as a janitor in several places including the elementary school my sisters and I attended until he received his certification to drive a Zamboni to clean public ice rinks owned by the City of Vancouver. My mom also worked in several places including selling World Craft encyclopedias and books until she received certification as a licensed practical nurse, an occupation she eventually left because of the chronic back problems 	   36	  she incurred from the heavy labour the job required.  I have taken some time to outline my parents' story of deskilling to draw attention to the labour in their stories -- the cleaning work of my father and the care work of my mother. Their work forms one thread in the bigger story of the Filipino as a racialized and gendered labouring body in the making of Canada.  In this most recent chapter of the story, the Philippines is now Canada's number one source of immigrants. Statistics Canada (2007) census reports that the majority of Filipinos in Canada were born outside of Canada, signaling that Filipinos are relative newcomers to the country. The report also shows that the majority of Filipinos in Canada are women in their prime productive years. It makes sense that the majority of Filipinos in Canada are women and that the majority are recent immigrants given that the Live-in Caregiver Program (LCP) figures so largely in the migration and immigration patterns of Filipinos to Canada. The LCP is a temporary foreign worker program of Citizenship and Immigration Canada. In 2009, 90 percent of arrivals from the LCP were from the Philippines, with 40 percent of Filipinos immigrating to Canada landed through the LCP making up the community in Canada (Kelly et al. 2011). Live-in caregivers provide care for the children, elderly, or persons with disabilities of Canadian families. They are required to migrate without their immediate dependents. They were also required to both live and work in private homes under a temporary work permit for 24 months before they are eligible to apply for permanent residency. It is typically Filipino women who first enter Canada under this program, and after they complete the requirements of the program, they tend to sponsor their dependent relatives. Kelly et al. (2011) found that 17,792 children (ages 12 years or less and from 13-20 years old) joined their parent under the LCP between 1993-2009. Kelly et al. (2011) also suggest that the number of Filipinos in Canada will likely continue to increase with more and more LCP dependents (i.e. children of domestic workers) joining their mothers. The care or as Pratt (2012) calls it, the intimate work of Filipina nannies, underscores the particular gendered, racialized and sexualized labour that characterizes the Filipino in Canada. More precisely, it is a particular set of conditions that shape the Filipino as a labouring body in Canada. Like the nurses who arrived in Canada in the 1960s, the lower skilled sponsored labourers of the 1970s, the domestic workers brought to Canada in the 1980's through the Foreign 	   37	  Domestic Worker Movement, to today's Live-in Caregivers and Temporary Foreign Workers, the Filipino labouring body fills a particular labour need in Canada's political economy. This is of course not unique to Filipino (im)migrants living and working in Canada, but, the labour needs that structure the Filipino communities' presence in Canada are particular.  As scholars and activists have shown, neoliberal capitalist restructuring of the Canadian political economy has ushered in what Rhacel Parreñas (2005) called a "care crisis". Parreñas' notion of a care crisis in economies of the Global North refers to the devolution of social responsibilities such as child care and care for the sick and elderly to the private household. This neoliberal model of "self-care" and cutbacks to the public care systems in Canada have effectively privatized formerly public-state operated health- and child-care programs. The Filipina domestic worker has proven to be a cost-effective solution for affluent families in need of these types of care. In this regard, I agree with Razack et al's (2010) assessment that the LCP epitomizes the neoliberalization of Canada's welfare-state. In their view (which lines up with the views of community activists (see Pratt 2004), the program was organized to ensure a labour pool of cheap child care workers as a substitute for publicly-funded child care programs. They add that the racialized and gendered labour required for such domestic work and underwritten in the live-in compontent of the program has allowed for middle- and upper-class women to be freed from social reproductive care work at the expense of the cheap migrant labour of mostly Filipinas. Because of these conditions, it can be argued that the Filipino then comes to be in Canada as a particular racialized, gendered, and sexualized subject brought into being through reorganizations in the nation's labour demands with deep roots and structuring logics in its settler colonial conditions. However, as Coloma et al. (2010) have pointed out, situating the Filipino in Canada is just one side of how the Filipino in Canada ought to be understood.   It would be an oversight not to hold Canada's nation-building project alongside the material conditions that shape the Philippine diaspora. While Canada desires the Philippines for the cheap labour, resources, and geopolitical focal point in the region it offers to the global economy, the Philippines in turn desires Canada for its foreign capital and the promise of modernity that can come with an attachment to Canada's image as a 	   38	  liberal, humanitarian and safe Western nation. In the neoliberal global economy characterized by post-Fordist regimes of production, the Philippines has emerged as one of the world’s premier labour-sending countries (Rodriguez 2010, 2002, Tadiar 2009, Parreñas 2005). After the United States gave up direct colonial control of the Philippines in 1945, the country entered a period of economic development driven by export for the global economy, banking on returns that would build the industrial capacity of the country. Successive Philippine presidents in this post-colonial period have fashioned different export-oriented industrialization national development programs, from Marcos in the 1970’s to this most recent decade. This liberalized economy allowed the Philippines to promote its comparative advantage in the international division of labour, offering low wages to foreign investors and countries interested in outsourcing its production for cheaper wages. In the last 30 years, the Philippines has capitalized on its position as a source of cheap labour in the global economy through a premier export product – Filipino women. In 2000, an average of 2,531 Filipino workers left the country on a daily basis to work abroad, with female domestic workers and nurses making up the majority of the country’s migrants (Parreñas 2005). Given the strategic character of labour migration from the Philippines, I follow Pratt (2012) who understands that the Filipino migrant subject is embroiled in multiple nation-building projects -- specifically, that of the Philippines and of Canada. 	   In his March 2015 report, the Canadian Ambassador to the Philippines remarked that "The Philippines holds a special place in Canada’s international development programs."7 In a similar tone, Prime Minister Stephen Harper reveled in the ties that link the Philippines and Canada on the eve of Philippine President Benigno Aquino's May 2015 trip to Canada. In a statement on the visit, Prime Minister Harper chimed “Canada and the Philippines enjoy a close friendship based on shared democratic values and strong people-to-people ties. I look forward to meeting with President Aquino to further strengthen the bonds between our two countries, including in the areas of trade, investment, development and security, benefiting the citizens of both nations.”8 While rhetorical in tone, Harper's statement strikes directly at my point here. While, as Coloma 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  7 http://www.philstar.com/opinion/2015/03/05/1430187/philippines-canadas-country-focus-development-cooperation 8 http://www.philstar.com/headlines/2015/05/03/1450585/noy-canada-next-week 	   39	  et al (2010) have pointed out, the Philippines does not share the same imperial history as it does with the United States, when thinking about how the Filipino in Canada comes to be, it seems necessary to appreciate the neocolonial and uneven ties that hold these borders together. It is beyond the scope of this chapter to detail all the possible relationships that hold the Philippines and Canada together. But in order to stay close to my primary purpose here of narrowing in on the Filipino's conditions of possibility, I focus on certain aspects of this relationship so succinctly summarized by Harper. The undertones of Harper's statement of the enjoyed close friendship between the two nation-states echoed in the Ambassador's view of the Philippines' "special" place in Canada's international designs harkens to how Canada is framed as a humanitarian and safe place in relation to the Philipines. Pratt (2004) argues that liberal views allow the Canadian state, nanny agencies, and families to minimize the abuses that live-in caregivers from the Philippines undergo in Canada. Through their imagined geographies of non-Western places, dominant Canadian liberal viewpoints cast third world women as victims. Playing into an Orientalist binary of tradition and modernity, third world women are constructed as victims of traditional and backward cultures. The victimhood typecast helps the West perform humanitarian acts, like allowing third world women to migrate thereby escaping the confines of "backward cultures." Here, the Philippines is cast as a derelict place in constant crisis and chronic poverty, while Hong Kong and the Middle East are imagined as repressive places, thereby allowing Canada to be seen as "doing the women a favour" by letting them migrate as domestic workers. Posturing itself as a humanitarian nation, Canada and the LCP is fashioned as a way for the women to escape the Philippines and to be saved from working in Hong Kong or the Middle East, effectively reifying a savior-victim binary associated with uneven power relations between the global north and the global south.  The Philippines as a derelict and dangerous space from the vantage point of Canadian liberalism reverberates in other layers in the relationship between the two nations. Not only, as Pratt argues, does this imaginary help to facilitate the migration of Filipinos to Canada and renders the Filipino in Canada legible, it also underscores its political and economic links. On the political or more precisely geopolitical front, the Canadian state has been actively bolstering the military and police machinery of the 	   40	  Philippine state. Under the pretense of what the former ambassador to the Philippines has called the potential "[...] spread of militant Islam throughout Southeast Asia,"9 the Canadian state has renewed its focus on support to combat perceived terrorist perils in the southern region of the Philippines. Support from the Canadian to the Philippine state is not new as humanitarian and financial assistance took shape in the archipelago through programs funded by Canada in the 1980's. However, what is new is the reinvigorated fervor with which the Canadian state has involved itself in Philippine affairs since 2001. Since 2001, the Philippines became a focal point in the US-led war on terrorism as a strategic point of influence in Southeast Asia (Glassman 2005). The Canadian state, riding on this wave of counter-terrorism and counter-insurgency zeal, retooled its support for the Philippine military and police apparatus. In 2004, members of Canada's national police organization, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, were sent to provide consultancy to the Philippine National Police.10 This military-police state partnership has only become more formalised over the past decade with the 2012 signing of a memorandum of understanding between the Philippine Department of National Defense and the Canadian Commercial Cooperation.11  The agreement consecrates the purchase of defense and military equipment and expertise from the Canadian defense industry to the tune of 12.6 billion Canadian dollars.12  Couched in language of support and paternal assistance, the Harper government's statements around the recent military dealings are coloured with benevolent smatterings about Canada's responsibility to provide help to its partner in the region. Not only do these statements link liberal notions of assistance to military assistance, but they also clearly link such nation-building projects to two key sites -- namely, the potential flow of capital to be unlocked in these projects and the bodies of Filipino (im)migrants.  Consider Philippine President Aquino's statement upon the signing of the military pact: "We [Aquino and Harper] also talked about increasing our trade and investment ties in keeping with the growth of our people-to-people ties. Canada recognizes the economic 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  9 As quoted in the Globe and Mail, 7 May 2015, http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/politics/canada-to-provide-counterterrrorism-support-to-philippines/article24324676/ 10 http://www.rcmp-grc.gc.ca/fs-fd/ipt-fpi-eng.htm 11 http://www.bworldonline.com/content.php?section=Nation&title=Philippines,-Canada-boost-defense-ties&id=61219 12 http://globalnation.inquirer.net/56204/government-arsenal-to-buy-canada-machines-for-ammunition-production 	   41	  gains resulting from our commitment to good governance, integrity, and transparency, manifested in the reforms we are implementing in the Philippines. We look forward to increasing trade and investment with Canada" (as quoted in Business World Online, 10 November 2012).13  Note how Aquino quickly moves between a penchant to secure good governance flowing from the consolidation of a military-police-state matrix and a penchant to secure economic gains from the presumed capital that might flow from such projects. It should be noted that Canadian investment in the Philippines has only increased over the past decades with Canadian mining ventures and business outsourcing operations. Now, consider the Canadian Foreign Affairs' Minister statement in the months leading to Harper's visit to the Philippines: “For more than 60 years, Canada-Philippines relations have been getting stronger and gaining momentum. Today, this relationship is more important than ever, as the people-to-people links between Canada and the Philippines continue to grow, especially within the ever-expanding Filipino community in Canada" (DFAIT statement, 21 June 2012).14  Note how the Foreign Affair Minister quickly moves between a strengthening of Philippine-Canada relations through increased cooperation and ever-expanding entanglements involving the bodies of Filipinos in Canada. Read alongside each other, I return to the conditions of possibility from which the Filipino in Canada emerges. While perhaps not with the same vigor through which the American empire exercises its will to know the Filipino, I put forward that the Filipino in Canada has come to be in this matrix of relations between the Philippines and Canada. The labouring and racialized bodies of the Filipino in Canada come to be through the power circuits of Canada's colonial and capitalist project that cannot be neatly separated from its neocolonial relations with the Philippine nation-state. Instead of a neat separation, as scholars of the Philippine diaspora have noted elsewhere (see for example Bonifacio 2013, Coloma et al 2012, Catungal 2011, Rodriguez 2010, Manlansan 2003), migration from the Philippines is part of the nation's continuing engagement with the West. What this dissertation brings to this established transnational approach is the particularities of how Filipino/as are racialized, gendered and sexualized 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  13 http://www.bworldonline.com/content.php?section=Nation&title=Philippines,-Canada-boost-defense-ties&id=61219 14 http://news.gc.ca/web/article-en.do?mthd=ntnl&crtr.page=1&nid=681619 	   42	  through the workings of white heteropatriarchy knitted into the settler colonial conditions of Canada.  In these fields of relations that help to constitute the processes of subject-formation, any stability that might confine the Filipino in Canada as an identity category can be brought into question. While I identify with and situate my project in the notion of a Filipino community in Canada, I do this with an acute awareness of the dangers of mobilizing the idea of a Filipino in Canada. I do not wish to treat lightly or in passing the dangers of "ethnographic entrapment" nor the "coercions and massive fatalities" that hanging onto an albeit vexed Filipino subjectivity might invite. By taking stock of how the Filipino emerges in Canada and the colonial, empire- and nation-building projects we are wrapped up in, I hope to centre the processes involved in our subject- and -community formation away from liberal categories of identity and politics of multiculturalism. However, as I quickly learned, this is not an easy and foolproof task because in a similar manner to the perils of treating the Filipino as a stable identity category, I encountered the same dilemma in thinking about sexuality. 2.3. Dilemma 2: The Intimate Talk of Diaspora and Decolonization  Maritess and I are hunched over a coffee table in one of the Vancouver suburbs’ many shopping malls. I was trying to concentrate on her words in the open-air cafe and through the cafe sounds and conversation of people sitting nearby. She just finished explaining to me the different Filipino terms used to describe lesbians or butch women attracted to feminine women. One term was especially descriptive -- imitating the sounds and lip motions involved in sexual encounters. I fell silent. I had asked her what the term meant. But with a tense smile on my face, I drew back from the table with an uncomfortable laugh. I tried to appear stoic but I quickly felt the flash of nervousness break through with the redness of my face.   This was just one moment when I experienced tension creep over my shoulders in the course of carrying out research for this project. I share this scene to introduce the second dilemma I grappled with in the process of making knowledge about the sexualities of Filipinos in Canada. More precisely, I am thinking of the discomfort of conducting research on the vexed questions, family, friendships and gendered sexualities 	   43	  as intimate relationships. In this sense, I approach intimacy as a prism to appreciate proximities between people and places.15  I am interested in dwelling on the uncomfortableness of engaging with these vexed questions not for the purposes of working through my personal trials with the effects of sex talk, but rather to think about what relationships are at stake in these uneasy engagements. In this sense, I work with my sense of uncomfortableness as a starting point to think about what John Paul Catungal (2017) has called "felt embeddedness". He uses the concept to explain how emotions in research encounters are imprinted on what knowledge is produced. He suggests that attention to the emotionally embodied ways that researchers engage in geographical knowledge production allows one to locate, outline, and follow their political identities, investments and affliations in relation to what and how knowledge is produced.   In the case of my research, the uncomfortable talk of sex, especially queer desires, point to gender and sexual norms in the Filipino community which influenced how I navigated relationships in the making of this dissertation and followed certain questions. For example, the talk of sexuality sometimes raises the prickly subject of both family and moral-religious judgment. In the lead up to an event meant to explore how LGBTQ Filipinos navigate their family relationships and dynamics, questions were raised over social media and personal communications. These questions pressed on what it meant to spotlight particular families' responses to their LGBTQ sons, daughters, brothers and sisters and how queer desires jeopardize the Catholic promise of an afterlife. How to approach queer or non-heterosexual sexualities also presses on political questions that community and activist organizations of Filipinos in Canada grapple with, diverge on, and sometimes even ignore. One participant explained that she was told that sexual politics are identity politics. She surmised that the message from the community organizers behind this statement is that Filipinos in Canada have more "pressing" problems to contend with, namely the problems associated with precarious labour, race and gender violence and exploitation. The question of colonialism and how Filipinos are entangled in white settler colonial relations also pushes on uncomfortable questions on 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  15 I understand intimacy as relationships nested in and constitutive of relations of power at different scales. This approach underlines the relationality of subjects and in subject-formation that brings people, time, and places in closer proximity. I follow the work of David Eng (2010) and Lisa Lowe (2015), and the work of feminist geographers Geraldine Pratt and Victoria Rosener (2012) on intimacy in this regard. 	   44	  what our responsibility is to Indigenous struggles for land and sovereignty. Much of the politics of Filipinos in Canada is conditioned within the framework and language of struggles for citizenship and entitlements from the Canadian state (see Coloma et al. 2012, Kelly 2012) in ways that can be read as eschewing the centrality of Canada as a settler colonial state. But questions over sex and politics do not only play out in the public spaces of community gatherings, but also in the complicated relationships of families and friendships. As Hunt and Holmes (2015) point out, the intimate geographies of families, homes and friendships, while often invisible in political queer decolonial political questions of coalitions and allyship, are important sites in which to think about interpersonal and community responsibility and accountability. As these relationships are sites in which processes of heteropatriarchy, white settler colonial logics, and capitalist relations take shape, Hunt and Holmes see these sites for the intimate possibilities for queer decolonial praxis. Ultimately, I wonder how I carry varied and sometimes seemingly opposing narratives and politics that revolve around sexualities and colonialism responsibly?  In other words, how do I make sense of and relate with the experiences, stories, and thoughts shared with me in an ethical way responsible to the communities I work with and to the politics of decolonization?  I reflect on ideas that circulate around fragments in the Filipino diaspora and how one might approach such fragments to work through these questions and dilemma.   2.3.1. Fragmented Subjects and Filipinos in the Diaspora After recovering from my initial apprehension when our conversation turned to queer sexual acts, Maritess turned to how she thinks Filipinos in Canada still need to accept that there are gay and lesbians in their own families, friends, and communities. It is for this reason that she explains she is involved in local organizing efforts to bring self-identified lesbian, gay, transgendered, bisexual and queer Filipinos in Vancouver together. When I ask her what she thinks is the most pressing problem facing the Filipino community, Maritess remarks: There's no unity. [...] Like for example with an organization, if they go against your suggestions or your views, and then you form your own 	   45	  group. It always happens. There's no unity as I observed [in] the Indo-Canadian community and the Chinese -- they are very solid. But us Filipinos we need to be more united.  When I ask her what she might think could unite the community, she responded:  "What can unite us? I think now the Filipinos are very passionate about their motherland"  I reflect on Maritess's thoughts about fragmentation amongst Filipinos in Canada as an entry point to situate myself and my inquiries. While the Filipino community in Canada remains largely "under the radar"16 and generally is regarded as a homogenous, inconspicuous visible minority group, scholars and community members alike are attuned to divisions among Filipinos in Canada. The particularities of Filipino migration to Canada have much to do with the divisions that configure certain class (Barber 2008; Kelly 2012), gender (Pratt 2012), generational (Pratt 2003, 2010, 2012), and other differences (Coloma et al. 2012) in the community. In other words, contrary to popular mainstream understandings of the community as largely homogenous, immigration patterns have set up certain divisions in the community. For example, Filipinos migrating to Canada in the 1960s and 1970s as independent immigrants or under the family sponsorship class do not share similar socio-economic circumstances as women and their families currently migrating under temporary worker permits and the family reunification stream. Negotiations in the transnational spaces of the diaspora also have much to do with how difference is understood and made in the Canadian context (Coloma et al. 2012, Kelly 2012,Pratt 2012).  In the contemporary Philippine diaspora, appeals for unity are enunciated through notions of fragments. As Neferti Tadiar (2009) points out, the Philippine diaspora itself is theorized as an act of bodily dismemberment. In this metaphor, the Philippines is imagined as a female body upon which global capital has wreaked havoc and whose various parts are sub-contracted for its utility to global capitalism, for instance, a woman's eyes and hands for textile production or for domestic work overseas. Contemporary appeals for unity can be seen as attempts to recuperate the idea of a Philippine nation through its broken parts now scattered in 186 countries around the world. Philippine Presidents since the 1980's have mobilized the Bagong Bayani [the 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  16 CBC (2008) "The Early Edition: Under the Radar: From Manila to Metro Vancouver: Interviews," 20 April 2008. http://www.cbc.ca/asianheritage/2008/04/the_early_edition_under_the_ra_5.html. 	   46	  nation's new hero] narrative to tether its overseas citizens to the Philippine nation both affectively (i.e. patriotism) and materially (i.e. remittances) (see Fajardo 2011, Gueverra 2010, Rodriguez 2010). For different purposes but with similar rhetoric, nationalist movements also appeal to the overseas Filipino to "remember the homeland".  For Robyn Rodriguez (2010, 2002), political struggles that link the migration of Filipinos to the material conditions of landlessness, poverty, and underdevelopment in the Philippines and the role the Philippine state plays in facilitating and encouraging outmigration give way to new forms of nationalism. This new alternative form of nationalism holds the potential to wrestle citizenship away from the Philippine state as a disciplining device wherein: Filipino nationalism here is a politicized and historicized national identity that posits a link between Filipino migrants, emigrants and those who continue to live in the Philippines not merely as Filipinos (in other words, an essential Filipino ethnic/national identity) but as Filipinos displaced by global capitalism relegating them to labor as ethnicized low-wage workers around the world" (Rodriguez 2002: 354).  E.P. San Juan (2001: 68) takes a similar position on alternative Philippine nationalisms, wherein: "... the totalizing virtue of Filipino nationalism as it interpellates diasporic subjects," links the diasporic subject to aspirations of a Philippines freed from neocolonial relations in which, like Rodriguez' assessment of diasporic nationalist politics, holds out on the future possibility of removing the country from a trajectory of underdevelopment. In his formulation, the Filipino abroad is in transit where: "There is indeed deferral, postponement, or waiting..." (ibid: 71). San Juan explains that the Filipino diasporic subject hangs in a moment of waiting for the Philippines' national liberation struggle to succeed; he writes:  [B]ut history moves on in the battlefields of Luzon, Visayas, and Mindanao where a people’s war rooted in a durable revolutionary tradition rages on. This drama of a national-democratic revolution will not allow the Filipino diaspora and its progeny to slumber in the consumerist paradises of Los Angeles, New York, Chicago, San Francisco, or Seattle" (ibid: 71).  Whereas Rodriguez and San Juan suggest that aspirations for alternative nationalisms in the Philippines ties the politics of diasporic subjects back to the Philippines (even those with formal citizenship in settler colonial countries like the US and Canada) as a 	   47	  fragmented and subject-in-waiting, Dylan Rodriguez (2010) adds another dimension to the fragmented Filipino subject. He suggests that the Filipino subject is displaced not in the same way that Robyn Rodriguez posits displacement tied to migration, but wherein the logics of white supremacy and genocide are displaced. Dylan Rodriguez explains that the acts of genocidal violence deployed by US imperialism in the Philippines have been structurally and purposefully forgotten. This active and decided forgetfulness of the violence structures dominant discourses of what it means to be Filipino -- effectively displacing or drawing focus away from technologies of US empire- and nation-building. For Dylan Rodriguez, this act of forgetfulness or displacement entices the Filipino in America to embrace America as a saviour and benevolent master. Rendered as a saviour nation, he goes on to argue that Filipinos in America line up to play into liberal politics of multiculturalism as "good ethnic minorities".   As I think through what Maritess and the other participants of my project mean by unity, I am informed by how the Filipino divided, displaced or fragmented subject is being theorized. Learning from these theories, it is clear to me that there is a politics at stake in how the Filipino in diaspora is understood through fragments. For San Juan and Robyn Rodriguez, this politics turns the waiting and displaced subject towards the Philippines in line with alternative nationalisms. For Dylan Rodriguez, this politics turns the fragmented subject towards a project of decolonization inspired by Frantz Fanon's psycho-affective approach to colonial subjectivity. For me and some participants involved in my project, there is room to consider what other alternative nationalisms or politics can unfold if put into serious conversations with Indigenous thoughts around the conditions of settler colonial states in we find ourselves. In other words, the framing of Philippine diasporic subject in a suspended time while they labour in different places raises questions about what such a political subjectivity might mean when it touches down in settler colonial countries like Canada and the US. Unlike other countries in Asia, the Middle East and Europe where Filipino migrants labour strictly as contract workers, in Canada citizenship is sometimes offered as an opportunity of permanent settlement. If, as I argue in this chapter, Filipinos in Canada are conditioned by the particularities of a settler colonial capitalist economy and its racialized, gendered and sexual logics, I suggest that there is another way of apprehending Filipinos in diaspora. I contend that 	   48	  understanding the Filipino abroad as a political subject displaced and in waiting can be complicated by understanding how processes of race, gender, class and sexuality in settler colonial formations afford different political subjectivities. Ultimately, given the differences in how the Filipino is theorized and within the community I situate myself, my relations and my project, there is not one quick-fix that might lower the stakes involved in how I navigate the different political perspectives and projects percolating among Filipinos in Canada. 2.3.2 Crossing Cleavages: The Responsibility of Holding Stories and Knowledge Production As I see it, the dilemma of navigating personal, political and positional differences boils down to how to do so in ways that are accountable and responsible. For instance, how much do I reveal or theorize about inner divisions,  which could be read as petty politics and differences in political lines and aspirations in my community?  Is there anything useful or productive about this sort of knowledge production?  In other words, I wonder how to responsibly carry the stories, sharings, and engagements from and with my communities?  Audra Simpson (2014) offers some insight in this regard. Simpson skillfully steers through awkward questions and encounters that revolve around the vexed question of membership in her Nation and community of the Mohawks of Kahnawà:ke. Given that membership in her Indigenous community can mean the life and future of certain bodies in relation to the inclusion and exclusion of other bodies, Simpson handles her analysis with care. She writes: The terms of this fundamental question are underscored by existential ones: Who are we? Who shall we be for the future? Who belongs here, and why do they belong here? The discussion of “membership”—the formation of a code—was (and still is) something over which nearly every community member agrees to disagree. (ibid: 8)  To situate herself and navigate through the hazards of directly engaging with a question that haunts her community's everyday life, physical being, and very existence, Simpson posits the matter of membership as an index of colonialism in its settler form. By doing so, she is able to stay close to the uncomfortableness of engaging her people in 	   49	  "membership talk" while at the same time illuminating the ways in which the question of membership highlights the simultaneous effectiveness and failure of the settler colonial state to eliminate and assimilate the Mohawks of Kahnawà:ke into, as she puts it, "a white, property-owning body politic." I appreciate the ways in which Simpson is able to enter questions that entail disagreement and divisions without necessarily dwelling on the nature of these disagreements. Rather than detailing the intricacies of debates in a manner that describes who said what or theorising which side gets it right, she speculates on what these disagreements do in relation to the settler colonial projects of the Canadian and US nation-state. In this way, the insidiousness of settler colonialism remain centered and the political stakes she juggles stay honoured. Closer to the questions of divisions and unity that I am considering, Pratt (2012) writes about differences within the Filipino community in Canada on the political question of temporary foreign worker programs. She speaks to differences in analysis and action on the question of what to do with the Live-in Caregiver Program (LCP). Given that the LCP factors so largely in the lives of Filipina women and their families in Canada because of loss and pain built into the program, she concedes that there are sharp political divides over what the community wants to see done with the program. Instead of dwelling on what divides the positions of scrapping or completely doing away with the program from positions that call for reforms to the conditions of the LCP, Pratt points to the productiveness of such debates for radical democracy. As she precisely puts it: "This is theorizing -- not as if, but because it matters" (ibid: xviii).  What Simpson and Pratt bring to mind in different ways is the helpfulness of uncomfortable and awkward questions that contour the unevenness of how communities understand, act on and organize around their situations. While not shying away from these difficult engagements it is possible to negotiate these questions, as Pratt might put it, because they matter. My concern in the pages that follow is not necessarily how sexuality, diaspora and decolonial politics divides us in Canada, but rather the processes of white heteropatriarchy as a colonial logic.  	   50	  2.4  Dilemma 3: Producing Knowledge About Home on Stolen Lands In the spring of 2006, I was involved in helping to organize a grassroots conference at the time when I was participating in various Filipino-Canadian community organizations in Vancouver.  My particular involvement with the conference was as a member of a group organized to foster solidarity and support for human rights campaigns in the Philippines. By the time I joined the group, we had started to reconsider the purpose and orientation of our work. The group had started from a sentiment of indignation for the Marcos' dictatorship and grew out of a wave of support among Canadian churches for Corazon Aquino's post-dictatorship efforts to "democratize" the Philippines in the 1980's. Initially guided by the pro-democratic and anti-dictatorship moorings of mainly white Canadian members of various churches, its focus was largely aimed at generating humanitarian aid and garnering resources for the purpose of providing charity to people's organizations in the Philippines. The failure and, as it would be later exposed, unwillingness of the Aquino regime to revolutionize the character of the Philippines in any fundamental way by meeting the basic demands around land-reform, freedom from foreign dependency, and an end to corruption made by the people whose mass mobilizations in 1986 carried her into power, lulled similar Canadian-based solidarity formations into near inertia in the 1990's. By the time that I had joined the group, the scene was very different. It was five years post-911, the United States-led "global war on terror'" had been launched, and then President Bush proclaimed the Philippines as a second front in its "borderless war on terror." In the Philippines, a reinvigorated counter-insurgency campaign provided a backdrop to an increase in politically-motivated killings and enforced disappearances that began to draw the attention of international press and human rights organizations. In Canada, renewed interest in the Philippines started burning as Canadian neoliberal ventures (i.e. mining and outsourcing) became more pronounced and the diaspora of Filipinos in Canada had changed in character and sheer number that by the 2011, the Philippines would become Canada's top source country for its immigrants and migrants. These developments led us to rethink the need and orientation of our group as we asked ourselves what solidarity might mean in this context of anti-terrorism panic, neoliberal globalization, and the Philippine diaspora. 	   51	   The purpose of the conference was to bring this question into a larger conversation with local activists and groups thinking about these same uncertainties. We wondered what a just and lasting peace might mean against the grain of liberal notions of justice that undergird imperialist and neoliberal projects of humanitarian intervention and peace for international investment and businesses. Myself and other Filipino-Canadians in our group wondered what a just and lasting peace might mean for the Philippine diaspora. To help get these conversations going, I was involved in holding workshops in different communities as part of lead-up efforts to the main conference. The main topic of the workshop I handled revolved around neoliberal globalization, its logic, policies, and impacts in our different communities. I brought experiences of migration, deskilling, unemployment, and the Filipino community's experiences with violence and high school drop out rates to these workshops. To think about justice and peace through the prism of neoliberal globalization, a main concern of the workshop involved naming and understanding the Canadian state as a capitalist and imperialist state. We highlighted what we thought the role that the Canadian state played in promoting and participating in neoliberal and imperial projects within and outside its borders. After one such workshop, it was brought to my attention that a young Indigenous person had raised an objection. It was explained to me that he did not see the Canadian state in the same way that I did. For him, the state was not a capitalist/imperialist one, but rather a settler-colonial state. This comment perplexed me. The profoundness of his challenge did not register with me at the time.   How would my position have changed if I had taken the Indigenous person's view of Canada as a settler colonial state seriously?  What did I stand to lose if I had genuinely engaged in this conversation instead of subsuming his viewpoint under the rationale that the Philippine diaspora is haunted by colonial legacies that contour my community's experience with the Canadian state?  These questions, I think, underlie the third dilemma I am troubled by in the making of this dissertation. There is a conundrum in thinking about how Filipinos in Canada, and Filipino-Canadian sexualities in particular, come to be in-between the Philippine and Canada's nation-building projects through the prisms of fragments and displacement. The conundrum revolves around the question of how to carry out such thinking that is responsible and accountable to how we as Filipinos in 	   52	  Canada might be wrapped up and implicated in the on-going dispossession and elimination of Indigenous' lands and peoples while centering white heteropatriarchal colonial and capitalist logics around which such relations are organized.   Sherene Razack, Melinda Smith, and Sunera Thobani (2010) are clear that part of the responsibility in knowledge production in critical race feminist theorizing is to be rooted in the key contextual question of: "How can we theorize our 'place,' when the place itself is stolen?" (2). From this starting point, Razack et al. interrogate the racialized, classed, and gendered position of women of colour (dominantly cast as the perpetual outsider and the subject who only feels) vis-à-vis white settler colonialism in Canada. They argue, "The racial and gendered politics of the state were organized through a complex triangulation of relations, with Indigenous peoples marked for physical and cultural extinction, European settlers for integration, and people of colour for perpetual outsider status as 'immigrant's and newcomers'" (ibid: 5). Within these racial and gendered relations, they demonstrate how women of colour, while sometimes conditionally accepted into the nation on a basis of tenuous inclusion, are differently and unequally positioned in relation to Indigenous women because of the driving logic of white settler colonialism to eliminate the "Native" through acts of terrible violence and dispossession that have worked to dehumanize Indigenous women in very particular ways. In this framing, Razack et al. demonstrate the political implications of these asymmetrical relations between and among women of colour and Indigenous women:: "While women of colour have struggled for equal access to citizenship and its rights and entitlements, citizenship has been defined as the 'final solution' for Indigenous peoples, marking the end of their claims to sovereignty and land" (ibid: 5). Dean Saranillio (2015) underscores the work of whiteness in the making of hierarchies among Asian settlers in Kanaka ‘Ōiwi, suggesting that white supremacy operates to align some Asian interests with that of settler colonialism. In this racial set-up, he similarly points to political acts that reify settler states states (ibid: 286): While migration in and of itself does not equate to colonialism, migration to a settler colonial space, where Native lands and resources are under political, ecological, and spiritual contestation, means the political agency of immigrant communities can bolster a colonial system initiated by White settlers.  	   53	  Bonita Lawrence and Enakshi Dua (2005) make a similar judgment of antiracist politics in Canada, signaling immigrant of colours' complicity with colonialism. They argue that as a consequence of a tendency to conflate decolonization and anti-racist politics, decolonization has been effectively decentered and reframed as a project for special interest groups in a liberal-pluralist framework. In their own words, "If the epistemologies and ontologies of Indigenous Nations do not count, Indigeneity is evaluated through social construction theory" (ibid: 131). For Lawrence and Dua, this is a dangerous position for Canadian antiracist politics to take. Because antiracist politics in liberal-pluralist framework frames Indigenous struggles as special interests that must be balanced with the interests of other Canadian citizens, the notion of nationhood that they argue lies at the heart of Indigenous struggles for decolonization can never be resolved. What is required for an anti-racist politics to be decolonized and anti-colonial in its essence is "... a total rethinking of Canada; sovereignty and self-determination must be genuinely on the table as fundamental to Indigenous survival, not as lip service. If they are truly progressive, antiracist theorists must begin to think about their personal stake in this struggle, and about where they are going to situate themselves" (ibid: 126). According to Lawrence and Dua then, this means that antiracists and people of colour must give up the pretense of their innocence in the colonial subjugation of Indigenous peoples. Instead of idling in innocence, they suggest that racialized immigrants come to terms with the privileges that citizenship in Canada, a citizenship founded on settler colonialism, has afforded them. As they put it, while people of colour are "[m]arginalized by a white settler nationalist project, as citizens they are nonetheless invited to take part in ongoing colonialism" (ibid: 133). Lawrence and Dua's assessment of the political landscape that takes shape around race and colonialism in liberal states like Canada is similar to Jodi Byrd's analysis that race and colonialism are often conflated through the "historical aphasia of the conquest of indigenous peoples" (2011: xxvi). Byrd insists that this forgetting locks queer, racialized, and immigrant communities in discourses of humanism and inclusion that preemptively disappear Indigenous peoples and Nations as a problem already resolved or reconciled.  Given the high political stakes and current debates in scholarship in critical race and colonialism around the notion of nationalism and citizenship in the state of racial 	   54	  relations in Canada, I think it productive for scholarship on Filipinos in Canada to take the questions critical race feminists are posing seriously and face Indigenous and settler colonial critiques and politics with responsibility. I want this dissertation to engage in these debates by thinking through how Filipinos in Canada perform their eligibility to belong to nation through gendered and sexualized performances. I am acutely cognizant that the question of how we might be implicated and enfolded in settler colonial relations and its foundational logics meant to eliminate Indigenous' lands and peoples is both complex and controversial. It is an uncomfortable question. I am aware that I ask this question with a certain degree of privilege -- the privilege of citizenship, time, and class. I encounter different uncomfortable situations around this particular question including my own anxiety. From navigating internalized beliefs that we as Filipinos work hard and do hard labour to gain our citizenship and our rightful places in Canada while believing in the tired and racist narrative that "Indigenous peoples' are given land and lifestyles for free", to dealing with the refrain that "we are the same" as the Philippines continues to exist through neocolonial and imperial relations, there are certain dominant narratives that elude confronting this question. However, as I hope to demonstrate throughout this dissertation, there are also ways that Filipinos in Canada can push back against these dominant narratives.  2.5 Conclusion Producing knowledge is messy. In this chapter, I outline the messiness of my own process. In doing so, I hope to situate myself and to provide both a context and a framework with which this dissertation is in conversation with. I argue by way of thinking through the dilemmas of doing research on sexuality among Filipinos in Canada that the conditions of possibility for Filipino/as in Canada work through various vectors of power that course through and between the nation-building projects of the Philippines and Canada. There are particularities about these conditions that this dissertation aims to describe and understand. Namely, how the racial, class, gender and sexual ordering of Canadian citizenship and liberal belonging intertwine with labour migration and normative gendered sexual paradigms rooted in the Philippines. The questions of how the Filipino is coming to be in Canada, how to produce knowledge responsibly and 	   55	  relationally, and finally how to conceive of these questions in decolonizing ways persists throughout the thoughts that structure this dissertation.	  56  Chapter 3. Blood Lines: Basketball, Sexual, and Settler Narratives at Play 3.1 Introduction "No way," he said, matter-of-factly, "basketball is in the blood."17 This was the response of a Filipino man in Winnipeg, Manitoba when asked by a local newspaper reporter if he thought newer generations of Filipinos in Canada would eventually lose interest in his all-Filipino basketball league. What does it mean to claim that basketball is in our blood?  This simple assumption raises a myriad of questions that circulate around the body, nation, race, colonialism and sex.  The refrain "basketball is in the blood" imagines blood as a site of intimate bonds that lace together a shared sense of identity. Invocations of blood imply that this identity is passed down through generations and through the body in a visceral connection that offers a material foundation for the Filipino as a biologically-based identity category. This is a striking claim because the idea of the Filipino itself emerges from the state- and mind- craft of colonial and empire-building machinery. Vicente Rafael (2000) reminds us that the Filipino materialized as a self-referential mode of consciousness through racialized encounters with Spanish and US colonialism. In other words, far from being an identity category forged through the bonds of blood, the Filipino itself, as Rafael puts it, is liminal. "Basketball is in the blood" also conjures memories of blood as a site of moral panic and anxiety over disease, racial mixing, and blood quantum in colonial encounters. Anne McClintock (1995) reminds us that policing sexual purity in the colony and the empire in the interest of safeguarding the reproduction of "the race of empire-builders" emerged as the master narrative of racial, economic and political power in colonial projects. Put another way, not simply a material object, a discourse of blood is performative as a technique of colonial power. In this chapter, I explore how intimate relations like blood, family, friendships and community are imagined and performed on and around the basketball court. As basketball is an important site for subject- and community-formation in the Philippines (see Antohalino 2010; Bartholemew 2010), I follow the sport as a performative site in the 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  17 http://www.ugnayan.com/ca/Manitoba/Winnipeg/article/1EKN 	  57 lives and formations of Filipinos in Canada. Throughout, I work with scholars who are theorizing how sport, race, gender, and sexuality intersect. Stanley I. Thanaraj (2015) shows how masculinities are negotiated in racialized and sexualized ways in South Asian-only basketball leagues in Canada and the United States. He suggests that young South Asian men who play basketball routinely and repeatedly attempt to display physical feats on the court in efforts to "man up". For Thanaraj, acts of "manning up" in basketball are important to the identity-formation of young South Asian men in relation to how South Asian masculinities are surveilled and feminized in America. Building on Thanaraj's interventions on the roles that race, sex, gender, and nation play in basketball, I add another spatial and temporal dimension to discussions on masculinities, race and heteronormativity. In particular, I tease out the ways in which basketball acts as a conduit for colonial practices of gender, racial and sexual disciplining. In particular, I ask the questions: What subjectivities come to be among Filipino men and women in basketball? How are notions of race, femininity, masculinity and sexuality constructed in relation to colonialism in the Philippines and settler colonialism in Canada? What is queer about our bodies at play? To attend to these questions, I explore Filipino masculine sexualities in Canada, at play on and around basketball courts. I draw on ethnographic observations at Filipino basketball leagues and interviews with basketball players and league organizers on the traditional and unceded territories of the Coast Salish peoples (also known as Greater Vancouver). I drew interviews from and conducted observations at seven leagues that ran games during different times of the week in at least five different cities in the Lower Mainland. On any given game day, there were at least thirty-six players participating in the games that happen anywhere between three hours up to a full day. From these observations and interviews, I pay particular attention to what racial and gendered sexualities come to be through particular spatialiaties or geographies. I follow three lines of inquiry. First, I examine how basketball functions and is imagined as a lifesaver for virile masculine subjects. Second, I think about how the communal sport provides life lessons on proper heteronormative masculinities. Third, I build on how the sport functions to produce proper subjectivities to analyze the ways in which the "Filipino" as a racialized citizen in Canada is reproduced in basketball while at the same time the sport 	  58 as a gathering site is also used to push back against normative notions of citizenship. Ultimately, I argue that colonial techniques deployed in the Philippines continue to exercise influence in the present and in the Canadian context, but that these techniques of gender and sexual disciplining also take on different forms in the context of settler colonial relations that structure Canada. In doing so, I extend on transnational framings by locating the formation of the Filipino/a community as what Jodi Byrd might call "arrivants" in Canada in racial, gender and sexual processes rooted in Canada's white heteropatriachal nation-building project. More precisely in this chapter, I consider how normative notions of whiteness and citizenship used to organize settler colonial relations are at play in the racialized gendered sexualities that come to be on the basketball court. 3.2 Basketball as Life Saver: Making Healthy Masculinities In a CBC special report entitled Basketball and Montreal's Filipino Community,18 the article explains the beginnings of a city-wide Filipino basketball league in the 1980's. It describes the "tumultuous times" from which the league emerged -- tumultuous because "rival gangs" of Filipino male youth totting "jungle bolos" were spreading through the city's most concentrated Filipino neighborhood. The league organizer tells the reporters that through basketball they aimed to "help newly-arrived immigrants adapt to their new surroundings."  This media piece is structured to suggest that the league organizer had helped to ease the tumultuous tensions. It notes that the organizer has become an important link between the police and Filipinos, which community members quoted in the multimedia story claim the basketball league has helped to heal what were violent divisions among Filipino youth.  This notion of, and more generally the idea of health at various scales, is a common narrative among Filipino men who gather at the basketball court. The narrative of health moves from mentions of one's bodily health to the community's overall well-being in rapid strokes. This story of conditioning lends itself to delve into the workings of colonialism in both the Philippines and Canada, especially if participation in basketball is understood in terms of physical and moral fitness and or its life-saving potential. For a 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  18 http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/in-our-blood-basketball-and-montreal-s-filipino-community-1.2612499 	  59 number of the Filipino cisgendered men I interviewed, basketball was spoken of as a sort of lifesaver. Consider the thoughts of Bayani,19 a 20 year-old son of a former live-in caregiver: I remember in grade 7 we were doing this [anti-drug] program [...] at the same time that kids were doing drugs. When I was growing up, basketball actually helped me stay away from that kind of stuff [...] So basketball is bigger than anyone else thinks for me because I was surrounded with people who did that stuff at such a young age. For Bayani, being involved in his local basketball program helped him stay away from drugs, explaining that it gave him an opportunity to surround himself with peers not involved in drugs. Bayani speaks to how basketball metaphorically, and perhaps even literally, saved his life. Other participants spoke of basketball as a lifesaver in more visceral ways. Boni explains basketball in these terms: [...] basketball is a good addiction. It's not something like beer or smoking or drugs or anything like that. It's something that's good for you. I could get addicted to it and still be healthy. [...] Like even if you go look around, people are addicted to all sorts of stuff -- me, it's basketball. Bayani adds his opinion on the reasons Filipino men play basketball: I know a lot of people who are 50 who still play basketball and I ask them 'Tito, you're still pretty good at running,' and they say 'Kasi, it's the only way I could jog,' that's right actually, it's very easy to play. Also, consider 40-year old Ray's reasons for playing basketball in a Filipino league: I like it because it's high-paced, it's competitive -- they're also competitive in other sports but you know I like basketball most and I know I get cardio better -- better circulation. See, I'm a nurse so I understand that running, jogging, basketball are good for your heart, blood circulation and stuff like that. That's one of the reasons why I stay in basketball. I think that's my first love [...] Notions of healthy masculinity run through this call to health and the ways in which basketball promotes health and perhaps even "saved their lives."  Alongside and within the rhetoric and narrative that basketball makes for good boys or citizen-subjects through the disciplining of their time and behaviours, 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  19 Pseudonyms are used for project participants. 	  60 these men speak specifically to how basketball fosters an ideal of a healthy or virile masculinity. How can we make sense of this aspiration for healthy bodies?  I suggest that there two general approaches to this question. First, following Lauren Berlant (2007), aspirations for health can be understood as an imperative of late capitalism. Against the dominant notion that healthy lifestyles, living and bodies are acheived by individual choices, Berlant argues that the desire for health be understood as a technique of biopower. As health in capitalism is measured by a body's fitness to work, she suggests that health and the longing to be healthy is regulated to ensure the regeneration and maintenance of populations able to labour. Berlant's approach to health as a means to maintain life provides a convincing critique of the workings of power in capitalism. As Filipinos migrate to Canada to labour, the aspiration to be fit enough to sell their labour certainly figures into the reasons for playing basketball as explored later in this chapter. While the aspiration for healthy bodies can be understood through the workings of power in late capitalism, I put forward that alongside the persistent rhetoric within Canada and elsewhere about personal responsibility for health,, the case of Filipino masculinity and basketball must also be framed within a more specific history of colonialism. In the Philippines, producing morally- and physically- fit bodies became a primary concern for US colonialists’ work to manage a newly conquered population. Warwick Anderson notes of the American colonial project in the Philippines: “The Filipino emerged in this medio-moral vision as an immature, contaminating type, but also as a potentially reformable one if subject to the right techniques of the body” (2006: 5). In other words, as part of the US' civilizing project in its tropical Southeast Asian colony, notions of Western hygiene and health were collapsed with ideas of virtue and moral fitness. The Filipino body and population came to be one that could be rescued from its "dirty" tropical surroundings and inherent degeneracy if subject to proper techniques. But as Anderson is careful to point out, this rescue of the Filipino was and is never complete. The colonial project categorizes bodies along racial logics where the white male heteronormative subject reigns supreme, and hence racialized bodies like that of the Filipino, are necessarily always-and-already outside of, yet needed, for white rightness. Despite the perpetual partiality of correcting the "immature and contaminating" Filipino, Anderson explains that, as part of its civilizing mission, it was useful for US colonialism 	  61 to organize its health and hygiene programs in the Philippines along this trajectory of possible transformation. The potential to transform contaminating and immoral bodies can help us make sense of how Filipino masculinities at play are contoured by the lifesaving potential of basketball to produce healthy bodies. As Lou Antolihao (2012) describes in his analysis of how basketball superseded the sport of baseball in the Philippines in popularity and scope at the turn of the 20th century, the popularity and prominence of any sport and the national esteem it garners is part of a nation-building project. Basketball was introduced to the Philippines in strategic ways through YMCA programs in 1905. The sport gained popularity and momentum via the network of universities and colleges that US colonialism established as part of its efforts to usurp Spanish colonial educational influence with a US-style education system and ways of knowing (Antolihao 2012). Elsewhere Antolihao (2010) describes how the sport became regularized and professionalized through efforts such as the formation of the Philippine Basketball Association (PBA) in the 1970's as part the country's nation-building project in its post-colonial period. Anderson, speaks to how colonial programs worked to promote hygiene and health, and Antolihao, speaks to how colonial physical educational programs and the neo-colonial growth of the sport worked to promote modernity in the Philippines. Taken together, the significance of basketball as a colonial technique to align bodies along the trajectory of health and modernity is clearly delineated.  However, while helping to contextualize how Filipino men who play basketball aspire to physically- and morally-fit bodies, there is a further geography that needs to be taken into account. Consider here what Angelo has to say about the necessary mental, moral and physical makeup for Filipinos to survive in Canada. He organizes various sports and community activities for Filipinos across the Lower Mainland:  Well, we always believe in a strong and an active Filipino will always create a good mental attitude. You know when your mind is heightened, you think of so many ways, you think of so many things. You must understand that when you are playing a game particularly if it's something that you love doing, then you're actually active and you feel strong. And in a way, your mental attitude allows you to think that you are an active person, you are a strong person, a healthy person. So we try to put this [sports' activities] together so that every Filipino would be with other Filipinos and strengthen each other. When I'm with you for instance, I feel good, because in a way just seeing and just in an atmosphere of fun, 	  62 atmosphere of fellowship creates in me that motivation to keep on going, to keep on moving. That's why you'll notice in this country why there are a lot of people who feel depressed, you will never see a depressed Filipino just because of the family culture -- everybody supports each other, everybody brings each other to a level like 'you can do it, you can make it.' I think that is one inherent trait of a Filipino that is very important, and very valuable because we have each other, even we're not related, we feel for somebody...  For Angelo, the opportunities for Filipinos to come together in a sport that one loves creates an environment in which peers can support one another in what he describes as a fellowship. Following his logic, this fellowship supports individual mental, emotional, and physical health, which he suggests is necessary for the Filipino to survive or continue to exist in Canada. While much more can be said about the ways in which Angelo posits health as a private matter of the individual and about how he might be essentializing the "Filipino" and family, I want to focus more specifically on one of his rationales for playing basketball in Canada --  the "motiviation to keep going." The ways in which Angelo evokes a notion of health, while resonating with US colonialism's project in the Philippines to align the Filipino body with modernity, carries a different tenor when situated in Canada.  While the techniques deployed by US colonialism to correct the dirty and degenerate bodies and moral makeup of the Filipino through sport shed light on how basketball is imagined as a '"lifesaver," how might we think about this paradigm within techniques deployed in Canada?  Here, a tie between bodily and proper ethical fitness appears to remain intact. However this aspiration for physical and moral health necessarily changes in contact with the different brand of colonial and liberal processes that structure Canada as a settler colonial and capitalist state. In this context, settler colonial techniques, as Patrick Wolfe (2006) puts it, are designed to "eliminate the native". Through the logic of territoriality, Wolfe argues that at the centre of this type of colonial project was, and continues to be, the conquest of land through the violent dispossession of Indigenous peoples. Queer and feminist Indigenous and settler colonial scholars have pointed out that this project of dispossession goes hand-and-hand with the policing and disciplining of genders and sexualities to conform with white heteropatriarchal norms targeting especially Indigenous women and ancestral forms of 	  63 kinship in violent ways (see Justice et al. 2010). Lee Maracle explains how the racial and heteropatriarchal logics of settler colonialism work in a dangerous and dehumanizing tandem to disappear Indigenous women: “The dictates of patriarchy demand that beneath the Native male comes the Native female. The dictates of racism are that Native men are beneath white women and Native females are not fit to be referred to as women” (1988: 17-18). Building on Indigenous feminist interventions such as Maracle, Qwo-Li Driskill et al. (2011) argue that settler colonialism conditions normative sexualities in countries like Canada. Using Michel Foucault's theories of sexuality and biopower, Chris Finley (2011) argues that sexuality, gender, and race are key playing fields for the workings of colonial power in the campaign to make Indigenous bodies and ways of being disappear. Finley details how land in a settler colonial context is heterosexualized as an object accessible and available to be appropriated by white men. In this drive for land, Indigenous women's bodies are conflated with such discourses around empty and penetrable land, while Indigenous men are feminized and queered as incapable of governing themselves.  Celia Haig-Brown (2012) offers insight into how Indigenous dispossesion and erasure underpin diasporic experiences with health in Canada. She writes of her experience with a Black student teacher from Jamaica while Haig-Brown was teaching a decolonial education course. The student shared with Haig-Brown that she had sank into depression upon her arrival in Canada, citing her traumatic experiences with racism as the root cause. These traumatic experiences with racism were further complicated by the student's new learnings about Indigenous peoples' experiences with residential schools and assimilation. Haig-Brown apprehends this student's trauma as a a form of triple displacement -- once, being from her ancestors' country of origin in Africa; twice, from Jamaica to Canada; and third, her place in relation to the peoples on whose traditional lands the city of Toronto occupies. Haig-Brown offers a way to think about how evocations of health among Filipino men playing basketball are linked to Indigenous erasure in Canada's nation-building project through the prism of multiple displacements.  In other words, migrating from the Philippines to Canada, it is necessary then to think more carefully about how colonial techniques that inform the heteronormative masculinities at play on basketball courts in Vancouver change over space. With this, I 	  64 follow Finley and queer Indigenous scholars' who ask that the white heteropatriarchal logics of colonialism be interrogated and held at the centre since colonialism disciplines all bodies through sexuality. But as Finley points out, the work of white heteropatriarchy in a settler colonial context is not distributed evenly across bodies. Instead Finley writes: The logics governing Native bodies are the same logics governing non-Native people. Yet the logic of colonialism gives the colonizers power, while Native people are more adversely affected by these colonizing logics. The colonizers may feel bad, stressed, and repressed by self-disciplining logics of normalizing sexuality, but Native people are systematically targeted for death and erasure by these same discourses. (ibid: 34)   It is with this analysis of the operations of settler colonialism in the arenas of sexuality, gender and race that I reflect on how colonialism operates to discipline the sexualities of Filipino bodies in Canada. Such attention requires that I also think about the role multiculturalism plays in the settler colonial conditions Indigenous scholars describe. A critique of multiculturalism becomes necessary since Filipino/as come to Canada as Jodi Byrd (2011) might describe as "arrivants," or peoples who have been forced to North America because of European and Anglo-American colonialism and imperialism elsewhere. In Canada, the  state manages racial relations around the liberal racial logics of multiculturalism that conditions the citizen subjects’ relationship to the nation (see Razack et al. 2010, Thobani 2008, Goldberg 2002, Ahmed 2000). To critique multiculturalism, I turn to thinking about how notions of health and moral fitness are evoked as lessons in how to be proper citizen subjects who embody gender and sexual liberal appropriateness in a settler colonial state that uses multiculturalism as a form of political recognition. 	  65  Photo 1: Teams take to the court for the league's championship game afterwhich trophies and awards will be handed out. 3.3 Blood Brothers: Basketball as Life Lessons in Healthy Heteronormativity 3.3.1 Learning Proper Sexualities For Jason, a son of a former live-in domestic worker who is now in his 30's, staying active and being involved in community is a lesson he wants to pass down:  	  66 I just enjoy playing basketball. It’s just something about it. Now I’m just trying to keep moving because I have a 3-year-old son, I want him to still see me playing when he’s growing up. So I bring him to all my games and he likes it!  [...] I want to play with him; keep moving, because I never had that with my dad [...]. And I see here in Canada, I see parents, dad, and son, they do things more together. I wanna do that with my son. For Jason, basketball is a life lesson -- something intimate that is meant to be passed down from generation to generation. Boni, who migrated to Canada as a teenager and played on his public high school team, elaborates on very particular life lessons that basketball offers: [...] For me, basketball is not just basketball -- it's a life experience. When you're playing basketball, you have to make quick decisions. In the future, you realize that sometimes that will happen, and you have to make the right and proper decision. When my coach told me that, I was like 'Oh wow, that's something else,' and then pretty much he got me engaged, he taught me, he helped to build me as a person. Bayani reflects on his experience as a young Filipino boy who migrated to a town in Northern British Columbia where his mom worked as a live-in domestic worker and the self-assurance playing the game brought him: Like I said, growing up, the confidence it gave me to get better, I'm good at playing basketball I guess. I met other captains, which motivated me even more -- you have this thing now that you're a captain. I remember [my high school coach] saying 'You know what, you just gotta keep up with these guys. You're a captain, you're a leader -- be that guy that I know you are.' It motivated me. I said 'Okay coach, I'll do that for you.' It was so much fun. It was everyday basketball -- I was so happy. The ability for basketball to make good boys or citizen-subjects undergirds the men's thoughts on what they have learned and what they want to teach through participation in the sport. In other words, part of learning how to play basketball is learning how to be proper men. For Jason, this means being a good father and role model to his young son.  For Boni, this means applying the lessons of discipline to make the "proper decision" in his life. The proper or ideal Filipino man is envisioned to be, as one participant put it, a man who: "[...has] principles that, they have conviction, and they are responsible -- responsible in every aspect of their life, as a father, as a person, as a fellow citizen."  Heterosexuality and the heteronormative (im)migrant family are assumed in these 	  67 articulations of life lessons in appropriateness. The idea of a healthy heteronormative Filipino masculinity is more pronounced in conversation with anxieties over Filipino women playing basketball. Gayle, a woman in her 20's, plays regularly in drop-in gyms and on a mixed league with her husband. While her husband supports her playing the game, she has not met the same encouragement outside of her family and their peers: Boni: Well, I hear Filipinos here tell her to stop playing basketball or stop running around because Gayle: Yah, because 'You're married now.' Boni: 'You're married now and you won't be able to conceive.' That's what they're saying. What becomes apparent here is the simultaneous gender and sexual disciplining at the moment Gayle's body becomes a site for sexual reproduction within the notion of a heteronormative family. When I asked her husband what he thought of that, he was unsure how to take the advice as he did not know if their warnings were founded. The play of women and girls is tolerated only to a certain extent. While it was acceptable for Gayle to play basketball before her marriage, after getting married this acceptance changed because her role as a wife and future mother took precedence. This anxiety of women playing basketball permeated my discussions with different league organizers who want to host games for girls' basketball teams.  League organizers and players Angelo and Kevin elaborate on the heteropatriarchal logics involved in the anxiety evoked by the possibility of women with perceived reproductive capacity playing basketball: Angelo: [An all-women's league] I think is not what Filipinos are looking for. It's usually male-and-female, mixed leagues like that, or male only. But specific female only, this would not be the case. I think even in the Philippines, they don't come up with all-female leagues at all. Because female, normally or traditionally is, even in the past, they are always stay-home people until it came to the point when they started working and focused more on work and home. But not focused really on playing sports. Unless, of course, they are in school. So when you play leagues like that and you want to involve women, then more often than not, these are the youths, the girls will be playing. [...] 	  68 Kevin: But Filipinos have a need for basketball. Girls will join for sure. I'm talking about young girls -- 16 to 20 or 21. Maybe not a market for over 22 years old because once their married, I don't think they have time for that with the kids and everything. But I think for young girls, high school grads or before graduating high school, there's a big market for that. While enthusiastic about the possibility of organizing games and tournaments for elementary-age and high school-age girls, league organizers become more cautious when I ask if they would ever consider organizing activities for women in their 20's or older.  In a conversation between two league organizers, Kim remarks, "There are only a few Filipina players playing basketball."  After sharing this observation, Kim turns her thoughts back onto her own memories of growing up with the sport of basketball in the Philippines and suggests a point when girls stop playing: I remember elementary and high school it was a sport done after school, outside the school. So then the girls, I don’t think that they had time, we were too busy at home, so it was the guys that were always out there playing basketball. In my barrio we have a basketball court and I know they will bring a lamp at night to even just shoot, to continue playing when it gets dark. But not girls, they don’t do that. In Ray and Carl's minds, the demand for girls' basketball is ripe in the community. After all, Ray explains, "girls have the right to play just as much as boys." However, this outright enthusiasm for school-age girls and youth playing basketball however is not matched for women beyond their teenage years. In other words, bodies that are rendered sites of heteronormative reproduction are regulated and disciplined in different ways. Or as Kim put it: " [...] the mature ones, the wives and all, they don’t really play basketball [... if women do play basketball] You're not sexy."  Not only are women's bodies understood as a site of reproduction that ensures what Lee Edelman (2004) has theorized as heteronormative futurities, but gender norms are also reinscribed. The woman is not only presumed solely responsible for childbearing but also for child-caring. While the men are able to take the time to participate in competitive sport, women are expected to be caring for children and family duties, or as Kevin put it: "they [don't] have time for that with the kids and everything." 	  69 Instead of participating in the sport on the court, feminized bodies tend to participate in different ways at these leagues. While offering logistical support to the running of the games and leagues, bodies marked as women are primarily spectators. Dominic remarks: "I see Filipino girls -- they come out to the leagues -- sometimes they shoot the ball sometimes they don't, some don't really care -- they just sit there." While Dominic sees the women as just sitting there, other participants point out that there is a co-constitution of gendered and sexual performances and subjectivities in the player and the spectator relationship. Jason speaks more directly to this co-constitution of subjectivities: [...] a few teams that have their girlfriends come out. And they’re really into the game. They’ll talk to you, but nothing disrespectful. It’s just funny. Because they say Filipino jokes, like when you’re shooting a free throw, they’ll be like, “Hey, Jason! Miss that and I’ll give you a kiss!” in Tagalog and it’s funny.  I suggest that this fun interaction between the spectator and the player is performative and productive in the ways that gender and sexuality come to be at play on and around the basketball court. The reproduction of gender and sexuality comes into sharper relief around discussions of how such interactions might be managed if an all-women's league were to be organized. Take for example, Carl and Macario's exchange on the subject: Carl: The guys are already excited to see these women play. Macario: Exactly. Carl: Yah. They want to watch their girlfriends and some of them are probably looking for girlfriends [laughter]. And the guys are already suggesting that we make a house rule that the women should only wear spandex [laughter]. Macario: I don't know about that. Carl: Yah that's why we're trying to provide house rules. And of course, we don't want to see that. Macario: It might end up being the first and last time there's a women's league [laughter]. May: Why do you say that? 	  70 Carl: Of course you know, sexuality probably kind -- we don't want to promote that in our league. Macario: Yah. Carl: That's the thing we have to protect. And how to run the league, like how do they want it to be more successful and to be more safe and an enjoyable league for women. So that's the thing. Anticipating that the sorts of fun interactions that Jason describes might become unruly and unsafe in the event that roles reverse, these league organizers argue for the need to establish new house rules. In their minds, what is normally read as amusing and unassuming interaction between the player and spectator can potentially take on a different more threatening hue when roles are reversed. In other words, when the usual spectator, the female subject, becomes the object of the male spectator's gaze, there is need for different forms of management and discipline to, as Carl put it, "protect" female heterosexuality. When I asked Bayani why women do not play in the leagues he participates in he answers, "It's funny because girls would rather sit and watch, and giggle, than actually play basketball. I don't know why."  In this sexist response, it is  worth noting that Bayani does not know why girls stop playing basketball. His lack of awareness points to the normalization of heterosexuality at play on and around the basketball court. Put differently, I suggest that undergirding these techniques of gender and sexual disciplining is the naturalization of heteropatriarchy as can be seen in how heteronormative masculinities and femininities are co-constituted on the court for the purposes of securing the reproduction of heteronormative family formations. 3.3.2 Learning to be Proper Masculine Labouring Subjects in a Settler Colonial State As Kale Fajardo (2011) has shown in his exploration of the fluidity of Filipino masculinities, there is a dominant masculine narrative of heroism in the Philippine nationalist script that advances a hypermasculine and macho version of the Filipino cis-male. . As the haligi ng tahanan (the pillar of the home), the Filipino man provides for his family in material ways, and is imagined as the backbone of the nation while the Filipina woman is imagined as the ilaw ng tahanan (the light of the home).  Rhacel Parreñas (2005) argues that these gender and sexual expectations sharpen with 	  71 international labour migration as the men who usually stay in the Philippines exaggerate their disciplinary role while mothers work abroad. While Parreñas thinks of how gender norms are accentuated by labour migration for those left behind in migration, I am concerned with how these gender norms and heteropatriarchal expectations travel as Filipino men live and work abroad. While their views that basketball helps them become better fathers and responsible male subjects echo cultural logic imbued in the refrain haligi ng tahanan, those with whom I spoke frame the life lessons of basketball in spatial terms that locate the power of these lessons within proper heteronormative masculinities in Canada. The desiring to be proper heteronormative masculine subjects should be read in the context of the gender role reversal that happens with migration to Canada. Typically, with migration led by women who work abroad in feminized care work, the women of the family and household become the primary breadwinners (Bonifacio 2013, Guevarra 2009, Parreñas 2005, Pratt 2004).  As gender roles are reversed in migration from the Philippines, basketball becomes a site to cultivate and perform particular masculinities. For one, the role reversal can be seen as emasculating as he is displaced as the primary bread winner and provider to his family. Also, Dionisio Nyaga and Rose Ann Torres (2017) explain that Filipino men in Canada are rendered not fit to enter what they call "white masculine labour space," further constraining Filipino men's capacity to fulfill the perceived duty to be the "pillar of the home." It is in this context that basketball as a life lesson in masculinity unfolds in Canada to partially redefine Filipino masculinity in relation to migration from the Philippines and to notions of a proper Canadian subject. In other words, I suggest that basketball acts as a road map towards individual industriousness and self-discipline in Canada is constructed – not as a continuation of masculine roles in the Philippines, but in relation to and against characterizations of hyper-masculinity and unruly styles of play in the Philippines. Consider Ray's thoughts on this: For the most part the ones who have who stayed a longer time here in Canada, they play more organized basketball. They're more skilled [...] Because here they follow the rule, here it's I think there's more discipline here [...] Because someone will tell them 'You can't play like that here.' [...] They're told 'Ah, you're in Canada -- you're in America, you cannot do what you can get away with in the Philippines.'  	  72 As Ray, Boni and Jason shared, basketball provides an opportunity to teach boys lessons necessary to make them physically- and morally-fit men in ways that are geographically situated in their approaches to masculinity. Their understandings of masculinity highlight how gender is understood and policed in spatially inflected ways that evaluate unruly masculine sporting performances against Western notions of law and order.  Along with being about masculinity, this discourse of disciplined play in Canada is interwoven with a class discourse in the Philippines. Lou Antolihao (2010) describes the class-dimensions of the unruly styles of play associated with basketball in the Philippines. In his analysis of the popular PBA's Team Ginebra, Antolihino explains that the working class and marginalized found resonance with the rough-and-tumble “do whatever it takes to win” perennial underdog appeal of the team in the 1990’s. He argues that the team’s rougher style of play reflected the subaltern status and anti-capitalist class aspirations of the country’s urban working class to which men, followed by their families, were drawn. The participants I spoke with further explain how one can tell if a player has just arrived from the Philippines since he is 'more physical and plays a less disciplined' brand of basketball. Take for example Bayani's assessment of the differences in play: I know most of my friends grew up in the Philippines, [...] they play basketball over there, they got to experience [...] how their barrio plays against other barrios and it gets competitive that way. [...] Kids coming from the Philippines, they have a different way of playing basketball. They're so much more rough. Over there, they're very into aggressiveness, and they'll hurt you -- that's what I find because I've experienced it. I've noticed that some of my friends that came from there, they're very into injuring you. Kevin adds:  We finish the league and there's no fights, we can show that we're grown up here [Canada]. We're not like when we were in the Philippines where we fight all the time, here we've grown up, we can be disciplined.  While the players characterize the "wild" tendencies of those who learned to play in the Philippines, after some time however, these players learn through formal and informal structures that basketball played in Vancouver is less about the physicality and more about the finesse and team-play.  	  73  Within these life lessons set in a geographical binary of "here" versus "there" colonial contours come into play in two inter-related ways. On one level, the Western teleological and spatialized binary that undergird colonial narratives of the "modernized and civilized" West versus the "backward and wild" other are taken up and reproduced by Filipino men in Canada. This framing of the Philippines echoes Geraldine Pratt's (2004) assessment of how the Philippines is cast in dominant liberal logics that pervade Canadian imaginaries. The Canadian state, nanny agencies, and families often minimize the abuses that live-in caregivers undergo in Canada through their imagined geographies of non-Western places in general, and the backwardness, violence and primitivism of the Philippines specifically. Philip Kelly (2015) also points to the ways in which Filipinos in Canada imagine the Philippines as "inferior" as a result of the combined forces of the norm of whiteness in Canada and the Philippines' history as a subject of colonial powers. The ways in which the men speak of the unruly styles of basketball played in the Philippines versus the more disciplined-brand of basketball they claim boys and men learn in Canada slips into this binary narrative. Colonial-style techniques are applied to expurgate the wild tendencies associated with the Philippines in order to produce morally fit men in the process of migrating, or as the league organizer in Montreal put it, "adapting to their new surroundings".  The use of sport to promote multicultural forms of liberal belonging is theorized by Gamal Abdel-Shehid and Nathan Kalman-Lamb (2015) in their examination of how gender, race, and sexuality are smoothed out in a comfortable narrative of multicultural belonging in the movie Bend it Like Beckham. They argue that the film celebrates the potential of sport, in this case soccer, to promote inclusivity as site for liberal possibility wherein: "sport [is framed as] an arena of opportunity in which structural inequities like racism and patriarchy can be overcome through hard work and athletic excellence" (2015: 142). And secondly, this trope relies on stable and normative gender and sexual categories, which they argue, exceptionalizes British society's inclusion of women and queer people while using the main character's Indian family as a foil for backwardness and repression. The managing of proper gendered sexualities to smooth out racialized bodies into a liberal narratives of white properness and exceptionalism is apparent in the ways that the men playing basketball set the "wild" play associated with the Philippines 	  74 against the "organized" play of Canada where proper masculinity can be learned.  Photo 2: League referees help to ensure game rules and good sportsmanship are adhered to.   The production of morally fit men in their new surroundings of Canada speaks to colonial techniques of heteronormativity in a second way, which can be situated in relation to the concept of what it means to be a proper citizen-subject of Canada. Sunera Thobani's  (2007) theory of exaltation hones in on how in dominant Canadian relations the white settler colonialist sits at its apex as the ultimate citizen-subject. She argues that exaltation, as a technique of power, functions to propagate the white settler colonial subject as the "stable, conscious, unified, and enduring figure, whose actions are shaped 	  75 primarily by reason" (ibid: 7). Thobani works through this idea of exaltation to explain how securing the white settler colonial subject at the apex of relations necessitates the simultaneous denigration and dehumanization of Indigenous people. She also works through the prism of exaltation to apprehend the immigration of the 'non-western' immigrant whose labour is necessary for capitalist development in Canada. She argues that exaltation differentiates certain subjects, marking the white settler as one who dwells in the world as the exalted subject, while the non-European immigrant is cast as a perpetual outsider of the national subject (sometimes conditionally included), and the Indigenous person is marked for elimination. In this making of race and nation, Thobani concludes: "The racial configurations of subject formation within settler societies are thus triangulated: the national remains at the centre of the state's (stated) commitment to enhance well being; the immigrant receives a tenuous and conditional inclusion; and the Aboriginal continues to be marked for loss of sovereignty" (ibid: 18). By aspiring towards masculine moral fitness -- a fitness that presumes heteronormativity -- it can be said that, as racialized immigrants, Filipinos are aspiring to gain more than a "tenuous and conditional inclusion" in the nation through gendered and sexual performances that approximate the object of the impossible colonial desires to be the "civilized native".  The role of sport in racializing and sexualizing bodies is effectively captured in Samantha King's (2009) analysis of how the mainstream media spun the coming out of Black female basketball player Sheryl Swoopes as a lesbian. King argues that Swoopes’ racial identity was erased in media narratives, which instead focused on highlighting her economic mobility and individualism. Before coming out, the Women's National Basketball Association elevated Swoopes in advertising campaigns because, King explains, her racial identity was mediated by her light skin, femininity and standing as a mother in a heterosexual nuclear family. King suggests that this packaging was doubly productive for the league. For one, it worked to reassure the heteronormativity of women's participation in competitive and aggressive sports. And, second, Swoopes' branding managed racial and gender anxieties of Black woman as bad single mothers and Black men as negligent fathers. In other words, Swoopes as a lighter-skin Black feminine mother in a heterosexual relationship aligned with notions of proper gendered sexualities. However, King aptly points out that after Swoopes' announcement, in order to recuperate 	  76 Swoope as a normative subject for capitalist gain, her Black racial identity was effectively erased in favour of a homonormative narrative. In this narrative, King details how white mainstream and LGBTQ media celebrated Swoopes' announcement along the lines of a straight-forward coming out story in which they claimed that she sprang forth from "the closet" when she shared her story. King argues that such narratives undermine the particularities of Black female sexuality. She explains: Although there are, of course, considerable differences among Black women in terms of the sexual agency they exercise, enduring historical legacies of slavery, colonization, and biological racism have conspired to construct them, primarily in contrast to white women, as the embodiment of sex (and therefore, in fact, not women). (2009: 277) By continuing to erase the complexity and specific histories and conditions of Black gendered sexuality, King demonstrates how scripts were mobilized to recapture Swoopes and effectively reify white homonormativity. King's work provides a way to understand how the impulse to recentre and shore up whiteness in sport through the managing of sexualities is particularly helpful in tracing how these types of disciplining works on Filipino men who play basketball. In order to remain within the folds of whiteness, to be proper heteronormative racialized immigrant men, there is an effort to understand playing basketball as a means of learning to be morally-fit and proper heterosexual Filipino men. The work of Roland Coloma (2009) demonstrates how deeply embedded the impetus to aspire for civility is structured around racial hierarchies and whiteness in the Philippines. Coloma argues that the U.S. colonial curriculum and education system placed in the Philippines in the early 1900's was built on a universal rendering of people of colour as inherently uncivilized and truly needing "White tutelage for advancement." He explains that this racially conditioned approach to education was patterned after curriculum used for African Americans in the U.S. South that focused on manual-industrial training. Coloma details how the U.S. colonial educational plan in the Philippines aimed to bring education to school-age children to ready them for functional work in place of the limited and academic emphasis characterized by the Spanish colonial education system. Coloma demonstrates that the organizing logic in the American educational efforts in the Philippines was to civilize the Filipino. How the men turn to basketball as place where principles about moral fitness can be gained is shaped by the colonial project to "civilize" 	  77 the Filipino under "White tutelage" and continues to hold sway in Canada as a nation heralded for its liberal ideals that centre whiteness.   While this aspiration for civility aligns with the white settler colonial project, there is another dimension to the ways that basketball merges with the logics of settler colonialism when thinking about how masculinity performed in basketball changes in Canada. As for how the style of play changes from wild to disciplined, Jason explained that this change in play from the Philippines to Canada is also based on the fact that the players sell their labour, which requires that their bodies are healthy for physical labour. For example Carl, a 50-year old organizer of Filipino basketball leagues for over a decade now, mentions that playing basketball with fellow Filipino men his age keeps him physically-fit which, he says, helps him to continue to perform the heavy physical labour required for his work as a warehouse stocker for a big grocery chain. Similarly, Jason spoke of a league in Chilliwack where Filipinos who are temporary foreign workers play. According to Jason, they are less physical and violent in that league because the workers cannot get hurt or they may jeopardize their employability hence their immigration status in Canada. League organizers also explain that they are mindful of the need to safeguard their players against injury. Consider how Kim explains why their league has rules against overtly physical play: [...] For me it’s very important [...], you know their [the players'] safety. When they go and play there because most of them just go there for networking, for friendship, for exercise—not to kill yourself. That’s why that’s very important, you know the rules that need to be followed so they know their limit when they can really push—be competitive but be respectful and have a clean game at the end. This need to protect, preserve and enhance their bodies to continue to be able to sell their physical labour is a preoccupation among the players and league organizers.  In this case, it is necessary to recall the nature of the labour Filipinos perform in Canada. Unlike what Neferti Tadiar (2012, p. 787) refers to as the "interest-bearing capital" of the "life entrepreneur" or skilled worker under post-Fordist regimes of accumulation whose life/value in the form of surplus time accumulates over time and is passed down over generations, the Filipino worker in Canada resembles the more disposable forms of feminized labour whose life/value is spent and wastes away over a life-time. Using Toronto Census Metropolitan Area data, Philip Kelly (2012) found that 	  78 Filipino males tend to be over-represented in manufacturing and health care supporting occupations.20 In other words, the Filipino community in Canada can be characterized as a working class immigrant community. However, as Kelly (ibid) explains in his analysis of class continuities and discontinuities in migration from the Philippines to Canada, there is an affective rupture in how Filipinos who have migrated see their class affiliation in the Philippines. Kelly suggests that there is a tendency for Filipinos who have migrated to distance themselves from what might have been their possible working class roots or even upper social and class backgrounds in the Philippines to instead now identify not as a class in Canada, but as citizens of Canada. If basketball provides life lessons teach boys moral fitness, then such lessons can only be learned outside of the Philippines and, only in Canada where a white settler colonial national narrative implores racialized peoples to fit into this mythology as proper subjects through the language of citizenship. In other words, I suggest that while the Filipino/a comes to be in Canada as a source of labour that helps to ensure the consolidation and building-up of Canada and its colonial foundations, Filipino/as' relationship to settler colonial capitalism vis-a-vis labour is obscured or hidden by the liberal politics of citizenship. Therefore, playing basketball in ways that perform and practice civility is part of our communtiy's efforts to vie for tenous inclusion in the white body politic.  In these attempts to distance the diaspora from the wild and unruly styles of basketball to better align Filipino gendered sexualities with the white settler colonial narrative, the logics of capitalist accumulation are exposed on the court. Ben Carrington (2008) insists on the need to hold labour and leisure together in this moment when "new working regimes on family life and people’s health" (2008: 370) are unfolding because of capitalist restructuring involving financial deregulation and privatization of state services. He claims that labour or work is over-privileged as a research object while leisure, or "free" time, is not being theorized for the work such time does. For the men I interviewed, playing basketball is understood as "free" time where they can play, relax, and make healthy their bodies. Following Carrington, I argue that basketball played in ways that both safeguard and keep their bodies fit is a form of work that ensures their 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  20 In Kelly's (2012) study, it was found that Filipino males are over-represented in the profession of registered nurses. While perhaps the nursing profession should not be collapsed into the category of low-skilled labour, the profession is nonetheless equated and seen as 'women's work' under the rubric of care.  	  79 ability to continue to labour. As Neferti Tadiar (2012) explains, social reproduction is a practice of "life making". She speaks of social reproduction as practices that go beyond routines that enhance the surplus labour time of "slaves, colonial peoples, and subordinate women," which is then extracted from their labour in the capitalist exchange of waged labour. Instead of feeding directly into or producing capital, Tadiar argues that under neoliberal regimes of capital accumulation, social reproduction produces time as a way to capture how value accumulates or withers away over time. I see how cisgendered men engage in basketball as a practice of "life making" in two interrelated ways. In one move, the men organize their time to juggle work, family and play in ways that prop up proper heteronormative masculinities. Here, Jason shares how his mother wants him to stop playing the sport for the sake of work: Yeah, my mom was always, ‘Oh, basketball, basketball, basketball! You have to work, you’re in Canada now! You have to look for work.’ You’re young, you just do whatever you want sometimes, especially when you’re not asking for money from them [parents], because I’m working. We got here [to Canada], my mom was like: ‘You have to work’. Straight up work. Even as the need to "straight up work" in Canada looms large, playing basketball is not seen as separate from work but a part of their lives as workers. Consider how the men describe how work-time and basketball-time is understood: Dominic: I play on my free time -- so on the evenings, after work so whether it's drop-in with friends or a league. In that case, that league happened to be on Saturday. Some leagues are Saturday or Sunday. They have the times when you're supposed to play and you show up, you schedule your day around it. I know other people are a lot more hardcore -- they play on 5 different leagues all on the same day. And they slot it in their schedule so it's like they play here then they drive to the next one and play there. I just say 'You guys really want to play' [laughter]. [...] Carl: If you’re in the States, all my older cousins, once you’re 25 you gotta start having kids, and good jobs. Either you be a nurse or a soldier. Everyone’s the same. Either you’re in the military or you’re nursing. In Canada, I find it that we find it easier to make time. For work, you can work graveyard. I think we’re just lucky that we’re in Canada. [...] 	  80 Benjie: Because people want to do something. I mean let's face it, what else is there to do -- like just go hangout and work? That's what everyone does here anyways. If you think about it, 80 hours every two weeks, how many hours are there in a week? And you've got 80 hours and 2 days off, where's your family time? [...] Everyone's got a job -- early in the morning until the afternoon, everybody goes home and if everyone goes to the basketball game then it's family times. In his reflections on how the time for work and basketball works, Benjie introduces the second way in which I understand the relationship between basketball and social reproduction. While preparing their bodies and beings through sport produces surplus or hidden labour time to be extracted at a later time at work, their time at play bleeds into what Benjie calls "family time". Others echoed Benjie's sentiment that basketball not only satisfies aspirations to be healthy beings in a physical sense, but also allows for family-making rituals. Gayle's brothers play on different Filipino leagues throughout the Lower Mainland, which is how she met her husband. She shared how she looks forward to opportunities to watch her husband and brothers play against each other as she sees these as occasions to build family relationships. Kim, a league organizer adds that their league is cognizant of the need to cater to basketball as family time and organizes their league accordingly: I think for us also we really encouraged it to be a family event so we welcome kids there to join their family. Sometimes they bring their kids and we ask the kids to play by the stage and their father can play [...].I know it’s social, but I think it’s fun because it becomes a family outing for most of them. They bring their families, their kids, they bring their wives and they’re all cheering there. [...] It’s really fun.  The obligation of family time can be read as a cog in the machinery that reproduces the heteronormative family in capitalist and neoliberal formations in ways that reinforce settler colonial relations in Canada. For some time now, queer theorists such as Cathy J. Cohen (1997) have made the argument that the supremacy of heterosexual marriage and family structure are rooted in a binary that fixes normative and non-normative procreation arrangements through state regulation and practices. The regulation of sexuality along this binary, Cohen argues, has normalized the heterosexual couple and family as a core formation upon which the very idea of proper citizenship is built, delineating which bodies are entitled full citizenship rights and which bodies are not. 	  81 Mark Rifkin (2010) builds on this configuration to explain that the ascendancy of monogamous heterocouplehood and the privatized single-family organization necessitated the systematic dismantling of Indigenous family and kinship formations and their traditional modes of division of labour in the dispossession and colonization required for the building of the United States nation-state. Rifkin shows how the project to normalize heterosexual arrangements interlocked with colonial impositions of land tenure and kinship, effectively stabilizing the heteronorm described by Cohen at the centre of the nation-building project of the United States. With these formulations in mind, I put forward that in the ways that the players and league organizers use their time on the court to make time for family and to make surplus labour-time by preparing their bodies and relations, the normative family is doubly-reproduced. First as the heteronormative norm; and second, as a unit that enables the regeneration of labour.  In attending to the geographies involved in how life lessons in proper gendered and heternomative subjectivities are taken up, in this section, I demonstrate one of the ways in which the Filipino as a racialized (im)migrant worker comes to be on the basketball court. The techniques of settler colonialism, organized around the fundamental logic of dispossessing Indigenous peoples and their lands as the basis for capitalist development, reshape dominant gender and sexual paradigms associated with the colonial project in the Philippines when Filipinos migrate to Canada to work. As racialized bodies that are as Thobani (2007) might put it, "perpetual outsiders" of the nation, basketball is taken up as an opportunity to learn lessons on how the Filipino might vie for or aspire to insider or exalted subject status. As I show in this section, a driving logic behind using basketball to learn how to be proper citizen-subjects is the material need for the players and their families to regenerate their bodies and relations to continue to work in the lower-skilled and -paid rungs of the Canadian labour market. The ways in which the production of surplus labour-time through play intersects with the "family time" that basketball allows, opens up lines for a closer look at how the Filipino through labour and citizenship is enrolled in the settler colonial and capitalist project of Canada. Because even as the lessons in proper heternormativity and occasions for labour reproduction are at play on the basketball court, a closer look at the Filipino's enrollment in the colonial and capitalist project at the same time invites one to catch glimpses of its fissures and 	  82 failures. 3.4 Blood Lines: Reproducing the Filipino and Queering its Reproduction What then is queer about Filipinos gathering together to play basketball on the unceded territories of the Coast Salish peoples? Where are the possible fissures and failings of the colonial and capitalist projects that underpin the ways in which the Filipino's racialized and gender sexual subjectivities come to be when at play with one another, a basketball and a hoop? If, as Michel Foucault has put it, "sexuality is a dense transfer point of power," and gendered sexualities of the racialized Filipino are being made and remade in overlapping fields of power that both stretch from the Philippines to Canada and are unique to each place, where are the non-normative possibilities?   Indigenous feminist scholars such as Audra Simpson (2014) suggest, colonialism is both a pervasive but also incomplete projec, one available to disruption and rejection. My starting place for thinking about these possibilities are in the ways that intimacies are imagined and enacted in the narratives I have already introduced in this chapter. These are the ways in which the cisgendered men and women who come together to organize and play basketball describe the practice and ritual of such play-making. For instance, revisit Kim's reason for promoting family time in the league she helps to organize:  I know it’s [the basketball league] social, but I think it’s fun because it becomes a family outing for most of them. They bring their families, their kids, they bring their wives and they’re all cheering there. [...] It’s really fun.        With her thoughts on how family time and fun converge in the communion formed through basketball games, Kim points to the places and moments that can slip away from colonial and capitalist logics. Here, Tadiar's (2012) concept of "remaindered life-times" partly informs my thinking. For Tadiar, social reproduction encompasses routines, rituals, and practices that overflow the free work workers perform in order to ready their bodies and social beings for work to make social life creating what she calls remaindered life-times. While I have examined how "family time" can be apprehended as a practice that reproduces the worker [and the family], basketball and the time it produces can also be apprehended as exceeding or overflowing the practice of creating surplus labour time. In 	  83 her thinking, remaindered life-times as a time of social reproduction not readily captured by capitalist expropriation are life-times that "[...] consist of a diverse array of acts, capacities, associations, aspirations in practice, experiential modes, and sensibilities that people engage in, draw upon, and invent in the struggle to make and remake social life under conditions of superfluity or disposability" (ibid: 21). It is in these practices that Tadiar situates political possibilities of escaping the surplus time necessary for capitalist accumulation. The fun generated in the intimate relations Kim describes and the intimate relations generated by the fun of coming and playing together are not readily containable by the capitalist expropriation of surplus labour time. Take for example, how Dominic, who was born and raised in Canada, appreciates the friendships and connections created by the communion of basketball:  Well in high school I remember they had a Filipino basketball league [...]. I did that in high school so I got to know different people there because it introduced me to people out of my high school out of my circle of friends. I met new people. So that was good, I got to meet different people that way. I guess it kind of just grew from there. So a lot of basketball leagues I've entered into wasn't necessarily because of my close circle of friends, it was because of outside. So going to school, meeting somebody and saying 'Oh, you like to play basketball. I play on this league, you're Filipino -- you want to play with us?' Then I'd meet other people and your network just expands.  [...]  I'm born here. It just so happens that I could actually speak Filipino too, I can speak Tagalog. And really strangely, I could also relate to Filipinos that are not born here -- like I get their humour and everything. So for sure if I never joined these leagues, I would never have met these people and I would have never been able to interact with them because I'm usually with Filipinos who are born here outside of my family. [...] My Tagalog has gotten 10 times better. I'll give you a good example and I would say this work also encourages it too because when I came to work here, I worked in one of [a] head office, they happened to have a little bit more Filipinos that came that were my age but not born here. One way or another we managed to start talking and then when they found out I could understand Filipino they would just talk with me in Tagalog. I built up enough confidence that I would finally start talking with them and then they'd make fun of me and say 'I haven't heard that word before in so long, that's something my parent's would say' because I learned from my parents [laughter]. So they're always like 'Wow, that's 	  84 really deep' [laughter]. Through that relationship and playing on different Filipino basketball leagues here and dealing with them on a regular basis, there's just a level of comfort I guess. Typically I normally wouldn't speak Tagalog but I speak with them. I'll just start talking to them. If my parents ever saw they'd probably think 'What the heck?' Dominic speaks of multiple layers of overlapping relationships in his reflections on the energies generated by the associations that overflow the basketball court and the acts of reproduction. While the relationships he evokes (i.e. family, friendships, community) can be read as bonds that center around and congeal heteronormative formulations, I wish to dwell on the intimacies he gestures to as a set of processes and productive entanglements that hint at certain queer futurities and openings. Drawing on José Muñoz' (2009) notion of queer utopia, wherein he pushes back against the universalizing and totalizing capitalist and heteronormative present that stifles political imagination, I see the relationships Dominic draws on as offerings that: "[...] enact new and better pleasures, other ways of being in the world, and ultimately new worlds" (Muñoz ibid: 1). Dominic finds pleasure and a certain sense of belonging in the new encounters with his workmates when they discover he could speak Tagalog, a way of being in relationship that he gained from returning to and practicing his parent's language on the basketball court. While he does not directly articulate that his return to a language lost to him with his parents' migration and in the sea of whiteness he grew up is an act of anti-capitalist or anti-colonial politics, Dominic does offer glimpses of different ways of being together and in relation with another. While his return to a language lost to him does not directly interrogate his presence and ability to live and work on the unceded Indigenous territories, Dominic does offer hints of other ways of being together and in relationship with another in a settler colonial context. As Geraldine Pratt (2015, 2003) has shown, the dominance and pervasiveness of white cultural logics operating in Canada's model of liberal multiculturalism has been a productive force in the evolution of Filipino-Canadian youth activism over the years. Pratt argues that Filipino youth have found creative ways to try to build a sense of belonging in Canada that pushes back on the foundational logics of liberal multiculturalism because of their experiences with racism and exclusion. In her ethnographic study of Filipino youth in Australia, Kristine Aquino (2015) finds that white-dominant culture in Australia racializes and engenders Filipino young men who 	  85 play basketball in very particular ways. Seen as aggressive "street ballers" with effeminized masculinites, Aquino suggests that young Filipino men embody their resistance to racism through their bodily comportment and habitus on the court. Dominic's return to his parents' language through basketball pushes back against colonial, neo-colonial and liberal efforts that have coded the English language as a marker of respectability and mobility for its proxmity to the West and whiteness. I suggest that Dominic's return to his parents' language decenters reverence for English that has deep-seeded roots in the American colonialization of the Philippines and its present-day neo-colonial and -liberal labour export programs. The rise of cultural and material value of English was an instrument in the United States’ colonial project (Constantino 1982). English was the primary language of instruction until 1974, when the Philippines adopted a bilingual, English and Tagalog, strategy for nation-building purposes (Smolicz and Nical 1997). This was also the time that Philippine President Marcos instituted the country’s Labor Export Policy. The programme was designed to support the labour migration of overseas Filipino contract workers, with obvious implications for the continued use of English in schools. English competency continues to be wrapped up with the Philippines’ role as a major exporter of international labour (Rodriguez 2010), and facility in English creates lucrative access to overseas labour markets. While Dominic's return to his parents' language decenters English as a (neo-) colonial device used in the Philippines, it also negotiates English as a marker of whiteness in Canada. As English is one of the two languages of the "two founding nations," a foundation that rests upon the taking of Indigenous lands and displacement of Indigenous self-determining authority, immigrants are expected to speak and eventually master one of the two languages of the "founding nations" as proof of their affinity to whiteness. Returning to Tagalog while playing basketall allows Dominic to be in relation with others who might have similar experiences with him around the loss or devaluation of their other-than-English languages. It allows him to be in relation with others differently, through humour and friendship not mediated by a colonial language. Basketball leagues being organized in Vancouver's Filipino community are places for labouring and racialized bodies to gather in mutual support amidst the white heteropatriarchal colonial and liberal capitalist processes that condition these gathering spaces.  	  86 Ken, a league organizer, shares that there are two places that Filipinos regularly flock to when outside the Philippines: "...number one is church and then basketball." From his experience, it is in these two spaces that information about work and opportunities are shared and networks are built.   There are leagues and basketball events that are organized with political intentionality. Migrante British Columbia21 organizes basketball leagues to stay connected with a broad section of the community of overseas Filipinos, learn about what issues members of the community are experiencing, and disseminate information and education on the issues of Filipino migrant workers. At a 2013 opening game of their basketball league, the local organization for Filipino migrant workers and their families took the occasion to launch a text messaging campaign which aimed to encourage overseas Filipinos to text their family and friends in the Philippines a message to vote for pro-migrant parties and politicians in the 2013 Philippine Elections.22 According to Migrante BC's announcement of the launch of their local campaign, the campaign is an opportunity for Filipinos overseas, who experience barriers to participating in Philippine elections, to be involved in Philippine politics while abroad. Other league organizers turn their basketball leagues and events towards the Philippines in different ways while gathering together similar intimacies across nation-state boundaries. Many of these events take the form of grassroots or private-business sponsored fundraising basketball games organized with the purpose of raising funds for post-disaster relief efforts or for charity projects in the Philippines. While such efforts mobilize nationalist narratives about home and homelands that often rely on heteronormative tropes, the ways in which intimacies are activated here are what holds my queer-inclined interest. As feminists have shown (Hunt and Holmes 2015; Pratt and Rosner 2012), focusing on intimacy and reframing relations in these ways provide alternative attachments, and as Robyn Rodriguez (2010) in the case of migrant organizing in the Philippine diaspora has shown, 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  21 Migrante British Columbia (BC) is a community-based organization that works for the protection and promotion of Filipino immigrant and migrant workers’ rights and welfare in British Columbia, Canada. For more information, see http://www.migrantebc.com/about-migrante-bc/. 22 Migrante International's "I-Text Mo" campaign, which roughly translates to "Text This" [yes [as I-text mo ito], but can also translate to “Text them” [i-text mo sila] encouraged members, affiliates and friends of the international alliance of migrant Filipinos to text the following message to their family and friends in the Philippines: “IBOTO ANG # 96 Migrante Partylist & TEDDY CASINO # 6 SA SENADO." For more information on the campaign and its launching, go to: http://www.migrantebc.com/2013/04/12/ang-kapanyang-i-text-mo-ng-migrante-bc/.	  	  87 they push back on the neocolonial disciplining of the Philippine state. These intimate relationships of friendship and family are layered with different obligations, responsibilities and relations of accountability. They are being made and remade in the space of basketball and spatialized through and despite colonial and capitalist nation-state borders.   I do not wish to romanticize and celebrate the relationships created through basketball as inherently disruptive to the colonial and capitalist conditions of its making. Nor do I wish to suggest that in the gathering of intimacies, associations and relationships of mutual support there is an intentional decolonial politics mindful of the dispossession of Indigenous peoples and nations on whose lands our basketball is being played and our gathering spaces are being created. I simply want to point out the openings these relationships hold in order to queer dominant racialized heteropatriarchal logics working in and through basketball as a sport, family, and gathering space. 3.5 Conclusion  In this chapter, I discuss how Filipino masculine sexualities at play on basketball courts in Canadian cities opens up opportunities to think about the work that different brands of colonialism does over time and space. Taking the lead from Indigenous and settler colonial queer theorists (see Driskill et al 2011), there remains a need to interrogate or to render abnormal and unnatural what is often seen as normal and natural.   I put forward that Filipino masculine sexualities come to be in negotiation with colonial heteropatriarchal and racial logics. These colonial heteropatriarchal and racial logics move between the Philippines and Canada. Dominant gender and sexual paradigms formed in the Philippines' colonial encounters with the West take on different meanings and shapes in Canada's own settler colonial and capitalist brand of normative discourses around citizenship. More specifically, how the Filipino men who play basketball in Canada talk about the possibility of redeeming and reforming oneself into healthy men through the sport and the possibility of becoming morally-fit heteronormative family men in spatial terms speaks to how the impossible colonial desire of the 'civilized native' is taken up and reformulated in Canada. In the Philippines, basketball was introduced by American colonialism in its efforts to civilize and modernize the Filipino native. In 	  88 Canada, Filipinos continue to play the sport with aspirations to teach and learn lessons on how to be labouring proper-citizen-subjects of the Canadian settler colonial state. It is therefore important that as Filipinos in Canada interested in the project and politics of queering, we should be mindful of the colonial projects that our gender and sexual politics are enrolled and complicit in. More to the point, we should be asking ourselves what is decolonial or disruptive about our efforts to gain more than, as Thobani (2007) put it, "tenuous and conditional inclusion" in a nation based on settler colonial foundations?  	   89 Chapter 4: The Death of Maria Clara, Beauty, and the Pageantry of Filipino-Canadian Diversity 4.1 Introduction The community hall was darkly lit when I entered. I scanned the room to get a sense of where I was, who was there, and what I had walked into. The hall was set up like other community dinner and dance events, with long tables lined up near the walls, a buffet style dinner table in the corner and a decorated stage at the centre. My attention was soon diverted when it sank in that the winner of the pageant already had been announced. The music blared, the evening's emcee spoke over the music, and there he stood -- a young Filipino man dressed in a yellow ball gown with a crown on his head.  This beauty pageant scene is not a common one in the Filipino community in Vancouver. In fact, the pageant organizers said it was only the second time that they have organized the event and they had not heard of anyone doing the same before them. While not commonly performed in the community in Vancouver, this particular men's pageant has its roots in the Philippines. As part of the nation's beauty pageant culture, processions centered on the male body take on different forms. The form that this particular pageant, held in Vancouver's eastside, drew from was the "macho" tradition. In this tradition, Rolando Tolentino's (2009) exploration of macho dancing in the Philippines, he suggests the object of the gaze and desire is the one who identifies as a male heterosexual subject. In other words, the Filipino men at this pageant far from Manila were, as one pageant organizer put it, "straight men pretending to be women. It's just like a comedy." This penchant for comedy in the gender play of the macho man playing femininity, despite its deep roots in the Philippines, did not translate so easily in Vancouver. Instead, the possibility of "straight men pretending to be women" was met with controversy and criticism. Those involved in the pageant did not go into great detail about the complaints the pageant created. They simply stated that they have decided to not hold such a pageant again because they "did not get a very good response from it."  In this chapter, I explore this failure of the intended fun of gender play in the macho pageant to translate in the Vancouver context. The failure invites this question: what is it about the Canadian context that changes and sets the conditions for the sorts of 	   90 gender and sexual anxieties that spelt the unforeseen end of the Filipino macho male pageant?  What are the gendered, sexualized and racialized ways in which Filipino bodies perform subjectivities that might be legible and hence, wrapped up in Canada's nation-building project? Both Indigenous feminist and queer scholars and feminist critical race scholars alike are clear in naming the white settler colonial and heteropatriarchal foundations of this nation-building project. What then are the logics involved in how subjectivities and performances translate, how they change, and how they are re-performed from the Philippines to Canada? I focus on the pageant as a cultural phenomenon and important site for subject- and community-formation among Filipinos in general, and in Canada in particular. The first documented pageant organized by the Filipino community in Vancouver happened in the 1980s.23 Today, community pageants range from stand-alone beauty contests, to religious pageants marking Christian moments and meanings, to musical and performative processions associated with regional festivals in the Philippines, to smaller-scale pageants or contests programmed into traditional community events. Some of these pageants are fundraising affairs, others are not, and some of these pageants are multi-generational, others are not. While there are important similarities and differences between these forms of pageantry, I anchor my analysis in two main ideas from which I attempt to unpack what racialized, gendered, and sexual subjectivities come to be for Filipinos in these public performances. First, I reflect on the “beauty” of beauty pageants as performed and articulated by Filipino cisgender women who participate and organize pageants in the community. Here, I follow Martin Manalansan (2003), Mimi Nguyen (2010) and Marcia Ochoa's (2014) scholarship on beauty as a mundane everyday logic, tool and technology. For Nguyen, beauty works as a technology that produces a population. For Ochoa, beauty is theorized as a tool to negotiate power relations. For both scholars, beauty is apprehended as a productive and power-laden process that brings into being both normative and queer bodies. In this process of beauty making and as Nguyen puts it, the trafficking of beauty, notions of proper femininity and sexuality take form. I work with these ideas of beauty-	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  23 Personal interview with pageant organizer of the city's first-documented Filipino community organization 	   91 making and -trafficking to make sense of how cisgendered Filipino women embody and articulate beauty in relation to processes of race, gender and sexuality. In particular, I think about how beauty is evoked to sediment ideas of the proper Filipina through the vexed figure of Maria Clara and her responsibility to the nation-building projects of neo-colonial Philippines and white settler colonial Canada. I consider how the figure of Maria Clara, the heroine in Jose Rizal's nationalist novel Noli me Tangere, acts as a counter-weight against which the Filipina body is measured over time and space. Second, I turn my attention to the pageantry of beauty pageants. The spectacle and the performance of the pageants I observed and in which my project participants take part lend themselves to think about how notions of the proper Filipina and nation are entangled in complicated ways. I focus squarely on the workings of white settler colonial heteropatriarchy in organizing the gendering, racializing, and sexualizing performances of the pageant. I work with two sets of scholarship to do this analysis. Necessarily, I pay attention to academic work on the pageant being theorized by Philippine scholars engaged in thinking about the Filipino/a diaspora. I lean on this set of works to apprehend how the pageant is understood and performed within Philippine cultural logics. From my interpretation of the performativity of pageants in the Philippines and overseas, I ask what kind of work the pageant does when it touches down and is re-purposed and re-performed in Canada. In other words, I begin to think about the pageant that takes place on the unceded and traditional territories of the Coast Salish peoples -- the Musqueam, Skxwú7mesh, and Tsleil-Waututh peoples -- also known as Greater Vancouver. I think about how the geography of white heteropatriarchy in a settler colonial context works in the reproduction of the pageant away from the Philippines. More particularly, I zero in on the relationship between the pageant and the subjectivities it holds with liberal logics of multiculturalism. As Jennifer Simpson, Carl James, and Johnny Mack (2011) point out, discussions on race and colonialism in Canada necessarily must contend with the narrative and practice of multiculturalism as it remains the dominant and state-sponsored form of governing racial difference. And finally, in this chapter, while I demonstrate how the liberal logics of multiculturalism, as a form of white heteropatriarchy in a settler colonial context, converges with the pageant at the site of the bodies in procession, I also signal to places where the racial, gender, and sexual performances of Filipina bodies at 	   92 play in pageants slip away from certain white heteropatriarchal nation-building and colonial logics. Here, I consider how negotiations revolving around gender, sexuality, religion, borders, and nations push against liberal and colonial scripts. I try to disentangle and reassemble the idea of "beauty" and the "pageant" in this chapter to center the notion that the twinned concepts of beauty and pageant are neither innocent nor pre-given, but rather are multilayered projects and processes that involve particular gendered and racialized sexualities. I do this to make the argument that while the beauty pageant mobilized by Filipinas in Canada cannot escape disciplining race, gender and sexuality, it can sometimes exceed neo-colonial and settler colonial narratives. This chapter moves through the ways in which beauty associated with the Filipina is negotiated in relation to her position as an "arrivant" described by Jodi Byrd and as a racialized labour in settler colonial capitalism through muticultural patterns of cultural consumption. Overall, I critique how "beauty" and the "pageant" are re-scripted and re-performed to be legible by liberal logics of multiculturalism in Canada where white heteropatriachal workings orient notions and performances of Filipina beauty around Canada's colonial and capitalist nation building project.  4.2 Beauty as Multifaceted Technology For me, an ideal Filipina it's not just about beauty. [...] [It is about] the confidence and of course the knowledge of why she is doing this pageant. I want her, it's like you know, why am I in this pageant -- what's my purpose? So I'm looking for that kind of characteristic. It's not just about beauty.       - Joyce, Pageant Organizer Joyce repeats the refrain that "it's not just about beauty" to begin and end her24 thoughts on what is an ideal Filipina. The seasoned pageant organizer and former pageant contestant in the Philippines gestures to the complicated performance of beauty. To begin my analysis of the beauty pageant as performed by Filipinas in Canada, I want to start with the idea of beauty as a notion that begins with and revolves around the body through power negotiations. 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  24 Gender pronouns used in this dissertation are chosen by project participants 	   93  Martin Manalansan (2003) insists on using the idiom and idea biyuti over the English term beauty in his exploration of gay Filipino men's lives and experiences in New York City. Manalansan argues that the idiom biyuti, as mobilized and embodied by Filipino gay men in the diaspora, better encapsulates the contingency, contextuality and hence slipperiness of the term. He writes: "While biyuti's provenance is clearly from the English word, its precise meaning can shift depending on its context and the person of who it is used" (ibid: ix). Using biyuti to describe both physical feminine beauty that the men in his study embody and play with and as well as a state of being, Manalansan is able to more nimbly capture the mundane ways in which the term is used to make sense of Filipino undocumented migrants and immigrants' daily struggles to survive. The contingency of biyuti allows Manalansan, like the racialized working-class gay men in his book, to splinter any idea of both a universal Filipino gay man experience and a monolithic gay urban man identity.   The everydayness of beauty in the lives of Filipinos in Canada also came through in interviews that I conducted. Eirene, a second-generation Filipino, recalls moments of respite growing up with her parents who worked multiple and odd hour jobs. When her mother, grandmother and Eirene were able to find some time to sit together at the kitchen, Eirene describes how she learned of what beauty might mean in the Filipino imaginary: I'm just imagining sitting in the kitchen with my mom and my grandmother and my mom's cooking and my grandmother's giving herself a pedicure or something and we just talk about people or celebrities or you know relatives. [...] We'll be talking about people and she'll be like 'He's really pogi25,' or 'She's so beautiful,' and I'm like 'No they're not,' -- you know, completely disagree. But my mom's appreciation for people, or be able to find some good in someone. I think that Filipinos have that ability to find good in someone, in everyone. Such sentiments around beauty, the everydayness around a kitchen table in an inter-generational conversation about beauty, and the beauty she finds in what might otherwise be rendered as mundane echoes with Manalansan’s view of biyuti as a generative process. Similar to Manalansan, who is interested in allowing for ways to apprehend how queer racialized (im)migrant bodies negotiate different identities and situations, Ochoa (ibid) 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  25 Handsome 	   94 likewise sees beauty as a tool of sorts in the workings of power. Beauty for Ochoa holds an element and degree of transmutation. In her ethnography of beauty pageants and femininity in Venezuela, she argues that feminized bodies use beauty to negotiate place and power. Elena, who migrated to Canada over 15 years ago and has been involved in organizing beauty pageants in cities across the country remarks on beauty as a device: [...] We're showing the beauty of the women, like here [is] very perfect [piece of] art. [...] I would say, the ideal Filipina is like the ideal American, the ideal Russian -- the women. These ladies, these women, ladies are truly are truly of art -- whatever colour. The women are really a work of art. So I cannot, I wouldn't say what is the ideal this or that because for me, all women are a work of art. So, there is art and if you look at this art, you will make it shine. So from day 1 when they step into my studio to be an applicant, to be a candidate, that is how I look at them. This is a piece of art and how can we make it shine? Elena apprehends women as a "work of art". She implies that the body is something to be worked on, trained, and transformed to "shine" to show as she put it "the beauty of women". Elena is thus gesturing to beauty as something that emerges out of a labour of self- and communal care, and used as a device that can be wielded to make an impression on a presumed audience. This of course begs the question of who is looking at the "work of art" made possible by the Elena and the candidate's labour? For Ochoa, beauty is used at a variety of scales and settings. She puts forward that, like the nation of Venezuela itself, which has used international beauty contests to move its image as a country away from the margins of geographical imaginations of modernization, bodies rendered as feminine use beauty, as Ochoa puts it, to “create possibilities for themselves” (ibid: 6). She argues that within the confines of gender and sexual disciplining that renders certain bodies feminine, such feminized bodies are able to work with normative notions of beauty to engage in “the micropolitics of gender”.   While Ochoa works with beauty as a tool to transform and affect relations of power, Nguyen (ibid) understands beauty as a technology of power. For Nguyen, the biopower of beauty works to produce certain populations. In her analysis of the ways in which the international non-governmental organization "Beauty without Borders" peddles beauty practices to women in Afghanistan, Nguyen theorizes how beauty is deployed as a moral index along three registers. First, she speaks of the "promise of beauty" wherein the act of naming something beautiful brings that which is otherwise outcast into relation 	   95 with others. Second, Nguyen outlines the "distribution of beauty" to trace how beauty (and thus, the ugliness that negates beauty) is mapped onto the world. In this register, she is concerned with how places and people deemed beautiful or less-than-beautiful are ascribed certain moral values based on access to the beautiful or the ugly. And in its third register, Nguyen understands "beauty as pragmatic" wherein beauty works as a "series of techniques" to produce subjects and populations. The utilitarian nature of beauty, she argues, ties into the temporal and future promise of beauty and its spatial distribution. It is useful because beauty produces selves and sentiments that promise a future wherein more equitable distribution of beauty can exist. It is in the ways that these three registers work together that Nguyen suggests that: "[...] beauty, as a discourse and concern about the vitality of the body but also of the soul, can and does become an important site of signification, power, and knowledge about how to live" (ibid: 364). Seeing beauty as a form of biopower allows Nguyen to speak to the neoliberal moment wherein discourses of care center on the individual subject and its ability to improve itself at the same time as it allows her to understand the geopolitical power relations underpinning how beauty is trafficked. Like Manalansan and Ochoa, Nguyen understands that these processes are deeply gendered and sexualized around heteronormative femininities.   I find these three renderings of beauty useful as I work to unpack the racialized, gendered and sexualized subjectivities at community beauty pageants. They offer a way of approaching beauty that does not rely on the concept as an innocent category or label of appreciation predicated on individualized practices of self-care and enhancement. Instead, these three scholars apprehend beauty as a shifting and generative process. I pick up and build on these renderings of beauty as a power-laden process by working through how beauty works in the everyday, as a tool, and as a technology of power for Filipina women who participate in locally organized pageants.  4.3  "Maria Clara is Dead": Colonial Reincarnations of Femininity and Beauty  I start with the figure of Maria Clara to work with the notion of beauty as a contested process contingent on time, place and geography. Denise Cruz (2012) begins with the figure of the Maria Clara to map out what she calls "transpacific femininities," signaling the class-inflected and racialized ways that Filipina women came to be in the Philippines' 	   96 early colonial encounters with the West. Cruz notes that while the original Maria Clara was written in the pages of Philippine national hero Jose Rizal's first novel Noli me Tangere (1887), the figure of Maria Clara has emerged as the model or quintessential Filipina. While enduring, Cruz is careful to point out that Maria Clara, as a model Filipina, has changed over time in relation to different colonial experiences with Spanish, Chinese, Americans and Japanese colonialism. These fraught encounters are captured in the various types of Maria Claras that have become part of the Philippine cultural landscape and gender logics. Cruz details four iterations of the Maria Clara: the mestisa, the morena, the chinita, and the indigenous Filipina. Each Maria Clara is distinguished by the lightness or darkness of her skin, her class standing, family lineage and her degree of sophistication -- all of which are tied to her proximity to whiteness. Each Maria Clara is nonetheless made legible by the beauty she encapsulates. The mestisa is decipherable by her sophisticated beauty born from Filipino and Spanish blood and chiseled by her upper class social moorings, while the indigenous Filipina is readable by her simple beauty born from the blood of original inhabitants of the archipelago and nurtured by "a quiet life in the mountains."  While these distinguishing characteristics differentiate one Maria Clara from another, there is a shared sensibility that runs through the four iterations, which Cruz claims shifts with each of the Philippines' colonial encounters. From the mestisa to the morena, each Maria Clara shares a quiet confidence firmly rooted in her knowledge of her place in, and thus responsibility to, the family and nation.  It is in this complicated, layered and fraught matrix where beauty connects with proper femininity, race, class, sexuality, family and nation that I locate the Filipina engaged in locally-organized pageants in Vancouver, Canada. I situate the Filipina in these relations because beauty as a generative and power-laden process works in performative ways in the matrix that marries Filipina femininity to family and nation. While Cruz works with these ideas in colonial relations between the Philippines and Spain, Japan and the US specifically, I am interested in tracing these formations as they are apprehended, embodied, and redeployed by Filipinas in Canada. More specifically, I argue that the figure of the Maria Clara is taken up in layered ways in relation to the labour the Filipina performs outside the Philippines in general and in Canada in particular. 	   97 4.3.1 Settler Colonialism and the Death of Maria Clara Joyce, organizes a pageant in Vancouver for her regional organization. She speaks to the uneasy ways in which Filipina femininity is renegotiated through the figure of the Maria Clara when taken up outside of the Philippines: Joyce: Maria Clara -- she's gone [laughs]. Well, I can point out Filipino girls who are mahinhin26 because [they] are well-educated, when they converse in the group, they know their limit. Like you know what I mean? Like they're composed. May: Is that someone who is not born here? Joyce: Pretty much. Yes. Because it's the way the culture, we mold into that kind of culture. Our parents -- like me, I was molded into that culture, not to be like you're not too loud in the group. Like I find [in Canada] some people are very loud in the group, they don't care about other people. Like if they're annoying or not.  Interestingly, at the same time that she thinks Maria Clara is "gone," Joyce remains beholden to Maria Clara. While perhaps not completely gone or irrelevant, Joyce suggests that she remains in traces for Filipinos who were born and raised in the Philippines. Her traces are legible in the ways in which the Filipina acts in "composed" and measured ways that do not attract unwarranted attention with the volume of their voices and their conduct in a group. Such loud or "annoying" conduct Joyce associates with Canada signals to ways in which the Filipina normative femininity is given different meaning in contact with dominant Canadian, as Joyce puts it, "culture". Jessa, a beauty pageant contestant in the Philippines and now an organizer of pageants in Canada, is more blunt about the relevance of Maria Clara in the lives of Filipinas overseas in general and Canada in particular: She's [Maria Clara] the old woman, she's the old Filipino woman. The new Filipino woman I would say is someone that can protect herself, that can survive wherever she goes. She's someone that can raise her children even if she's alone. Because as a Filipino woman our parents would always, even our age, our parents always tell us 'Oh, you have to marry someone that has a bigger income or richer,' something like that. We have that in our mind. We have to look for that certain type of person just because we 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  26 Shy, timid, and/or reserved – Also a relational performance [as understood in the idea of her knowing her limit] and an embodied one [usually in the Iris Marion Young sense of keeping the body small. 	   98 want to feel secured financially or maybe we don't know how to defend ourselves or survive with these men. But for me, especially now, we can see the Filipina everywhere, all over the world, making more money than Filipino men. And there's a lot of Filipino women sending more money than their husbands do to the Philippines. I would say an ideal Filipina woman would be the one who is really strong and who can survive anything and she's still standing. [...] Maria Clara is dead. What is Jessa gesturing towards when she pronounces,"Maria Clara is dead"?  Like Joyce who believes that Maria Clara "is gone," Jessa continues to hold on to remnants of the figure of Filipina femininity even as her significance appears to wane over the distance of time and space. Cruz (2012) suggests that the figure of the Maria Clara has been revitalized and given new meanings as Maria Clara's place in the family and nation also changes. Here, I want to draw attention to the particular geographies that Jessa and Joyce evoke in the loss and death of Maria Clara. I suggest that Maria Clara, the representation of Filipina femininity made legible by her beauty, is being reincarnated through very particular geographies where colonial relationships condition her reinvention.  Revisiting Jessa's reasoning for why Maria Clara is dead, she remarks: "But for me, especially now, we can see the Filipina everywhere, all over the world, making more money than Filipino men. And there's a lot of Filipino women sending more money than their husbands do to the Philippines."  Jessa is bringing our attention to the feminized nature of Filipino labour migration. It has been now well-documented that the overwhelming majority of the over 3,000 Filipinos who leave the country every day to live and work abroad are women who perform feminized low-waged labour all over the world. Anna Gueverra speaks to the social and cultural forces that undergird the production of Filipinas as the "ideal global labor commodities and overseas employment as their ideal opportunity" (2009: 4). She forwards two cultural logics that the state is involved in producing. First is the Filipino ethos of labour migration. The second core cultural component Gueverra identifies is the gendered and racialized moral economy of the Filipino migrant. This moral economy links notions of family, religion, and nationalism with neoliberal capitalist ideals of economic competitiveness. The feminized nature of labour export from the Philippines helps to shed light on the conflicting 	   99 messaging around Maria Clara. Rhacel Parreñas (2005) has already shown how family formations and their constitutive gender roles have sharpened with the outmigration of Filipina women who continue to mother their families left behind by sending material goods and remittances. In this way, the Maria Clara can be said to endure in that the Filipina overseas remains tethered and responsible to normative notions of family and nation. Yet in another way, as both Jessa and Joyce suggest, Maria Clara becomes reconfigured when the figure of Filipina femininity comes into contact with Canada. Elena elaborates: When you say Maria Clara, like I said, right away you will think of the Spanish blood. Like if you're going to -- let's say me -- because of my strong Spanish blood, they cannot just recognize me as Filipina. Most of the time, I'm not a Filipina to a lot of people, not unless I speak the language. So you see, the ideal Filipina is the brown colour and most of the time they have long hair and they work -- they love to work as nurses and they love to work as teachers. In thinking about the Maria Clara in Canada, Elena refers to characteristics such as the colour of one's skin and length of hair, I want to focus in on her final point. Here, she emphasizes that the ideal Filipina "loves" to work, specifically naming nursing and teaching as the labour Filipinas are inclined to do. Half of the beauty pageant organizers and participants interviewed for this project alluded to the form of care work that Filipinas perform in how Filipinas perform or embody beauty in Canada, specifically naming nursing and caregiving or domestic work as the work that sticks to the Filipina. Therefore while Elena suggests that Filipinas "love" to perform care work, I want to follow the conditions of possibility that make for the conflation of the Filipina with care work. This care giving or care work role associated with the Filipina as a global phenomenon roots the production of the Filipina in the political economy and gender formations in the Philippines and the nation's role as a supplier of cheap labour for the global market (see Rodriguez 2010; Gueverra 2009; Tadiar 2009; Parreñas 2001). In Canada, the care work of the Filipina is well documented and theorized in relation to the neoliberalization of the Canadian state and economy which demands the privatization of care work and the cheap feminized labour of temporary foreign workers (see Coloma et al 2012; Pratt 2012; Bonifacio 2008; Gardiner Barber 2008; Pratt 1999; Pratt 1997). Keeping the knotted relationship between the Philippines' gendered labour export 	   100 economy and Canada's gendered privatized care needs, I propose that there is a need to pay attention to another layer of entanglements when thinking about the care work of the Filipina -- specifically the settler colonial conditions and relations in which the Filipina care taker comes to be with and in Canada as an arrivant theorized by Jodi Byrd (2011) as one whose migration to Indigenous lands in North America is predicated by empire-building and imperialism elsewhere.  Iyko Day (2015) provides a way of apprehending what she calls the "economic irrationality" of settler colonialism. Day works with settler colonial theorist Patrick Wolfe's core thesis that the logic of "settler colonialism seeks to replace the native on their land rather than extract surplus value by mixing their labor with a colony's natural resources" (Wolfe as quoted by Day, p. 116). Day uses this formulation to argue that the Indigenous body is metaphorically made distant from labour consigned to the outside of the settler colonial political economy as Indigenous people are meant for elimination, while slavery in America constituted Black peoples as alien and undisposable labour force necessary for capitalist development. Within this framework she argues that the predominance of whiteness in settler colonial formations and the two-fold character of labour as abstract and concrete helps to make sense of how non-white and non-Indigenous labour is exploited in settler colonial contexts. More specifically, Day argues that since the nineteenth-century in the United States and Canada, the labour of Asian immigrants became aligned with perverse forms of temporality (for their efficiency), which led their labour to be recognized as purely abstract in contrast to the ways in which the labour of White bodies came to symbolize the concrete labour through the settler colonial ideology of romantic anti-capitalism (Day 2016). What I wish to draw from Day's formulation of the racialization of labour and value are the ways in which other-than-white bodies become entangled in the settler colonial capitalist project. While perhaps far removed from Day's primary concern, Asian racialization during the period of industrial capitalism, the Filipina can be seen as part of this continuing project and logic of settler colonial capitalism. In this contemporary moment when neoliberal immigration regimes split flexible Asian immigrants with capital and low-skilled labourers in two distinct streams and patterns of migration to Canada and the United States, Day (2016) argues that the perversion of Asian labour as alien and abstract persists. I suggest that the 	   101 care work that the Filipina in Canada performs today continues to fit into this paradigm that understands the function of Asian labour in North America as alien and disposable. The alien and disposibility of Filipino labour is most especially captured in the federally-regulated temporary foreign worker programs (including Canada's Caregiver Program) through which a substantial number of Filipino/as are entering Canada.27 In these programs, migrant workers are not allowed to migrate with their families, they only stay in Canada on a temporary basis, and their status is tied to employers who sponsor them.  Therefore, in thinking about how the figure of Maria Clara wanes and even might die in the transnational migration of the Filipina migrant worker "making more money than Filipino men," I suggest that there are two points to gather from the death of Maria Clara. Firstly, the figure of Filipina femininity does not necessarily die but instead is reincarnated with the care work she performs in Canada. Here the Filipina's place in, and hence responsibility to, family and nation remains essentially intact, although changed with migration and the specific gendered and racialized labour in which she engages. Secondly, this recreation of feminine beauty is wrapped up in more than one nation-building project -- not only is the Filipina enrolled in continuing her responsibility to the normative nation building projects of Philippines, but also to that of settler colonial capitalist project of Canada. The recreation of the Marai Clara returns me to Elena who apprehends Filipina women as a "work of art" wherein the body is something to be worked on, trained, and transformed to "shine" for a presumed audience. Because the measure of Filipina beauty dies or is transformed in Canada with the Filipina now making more money than Filipino men, how then does the reinvention and reorientation of Filipina beauty and femininity take shape in Canada? In other words, who is the audience through which Filipina performances of beauty are in negotiation with?  To attend to this question, I will turn to the second notion around which this chapter pivots -- the pageant. 4.4 The Pageant (Re)Purpose: Beauty, Pageants, and Multicultural Liberal Performances and Politics Pageant Contestant 1: 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  27 For more details on the inner workings of Canadian temporary foreign worker programs and the workers' precarity see Geraldine Polanco (2016) and Gerladine Polanco and Sarah Zell (2016). 	   102 In the spring of 2011, the Philippine media buzzed with news that a Filipina had won Miss World Canada 2011. Riza Santos, of Calgary, Alberta had captured the crown, prompting Philippine media both in the Philippines and Canada to claim her as their "beauty queen."  Philippine-based media made special mention of Santos' continuing affinity to the Philippines, highlighting her roles on various Philippine TV shows and movies. Canadian-based Filipino media took note that Santos is "half-Filipino," a beauty that recently began studying for her engineering degree in Alberta after she completed the Canadian forces army reserve military training. Excited by the possibility that Santos might win the Miss World competition being held later in the year, media on both sides of the Pacific agreed that Santos extends "beauty and brains across borders".28  In the media's discursive framing of Santos, she is rendered legible to the general public, comprehensible to the extent that her half-white body is capable of extending across borders.29 Expressly, hers is a beautiful and competent body that can be read by normative scripts that frame Filipina borders and bodies.30  Her philanthropic and entertainment work in the Philippines falls in line with a script of a benevolent subject who returns to her parent's homeland to fulfill a certain patriotic pledge captured in the notion of the heroic balikbayan.31  Her pursuit of higher education and commitment to the Canadian military can be read through Canada's liberal script of a good immigrant who is vested in a trajectory of upward social mobility and enacting a model of a good citizen. Both scripts render her half-white and half-brown body to be capable and deserving, and the fact that her particular femininity was deemed worthy of a beauty pageant crown, her hyper-sexualized body is read as beautiful by Western standards. Holding both tropes together is a sense of liberal mobility and possibility, one which 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  28 http://www.prweb.com/releases/BlacMera/Nov2011/prweb8937490.htm 29 Joanne Rondilla (2012) details how skin colour hierarchy works in the Philippines and is structured by American colonial standards of beauty. Through the practice of skin lightening in the Philippines and among Filipina Americans she underlins the reverance for whiteness and its association with the West and mobility. 30 It should be noted that Santos' public reception in the Philippines was not universal. In a You Tube video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVI9aZ4hKtM), a Filipina comedian mocks Santos' overdramatic personality and Tagalog delivered with a heavy English/Western accent while dressed in a racy camouflaged outfit.  While ridiculing Santos' attempts to be incorporated into Philippine popular culture, the skit nevertheless reverts back to Santos' hyper-feminine and hypersexual image to make sense of her presence in the Philippines. 31 Literally translated into English to mean "returning back to country", a popular notion in the Philippine diaspora pertaining to overseas Filipinos who return back to the Philippines after an extended period abroad. 	   103 renders Santos praiseworthy for her tribute to her ancestry, devotion to helping children in the Philippines, military service, and commitment to Canada's multicultural and liberal idea of citizenship.  Pageant Contestant 2:  As a newspaper article put it, Miss International 2013 Bea Rose Santiago could have chosen to represent Canada on the international beauty pageant stage, but instead the 22-year old Filipina chose to represent the Philippines.32 A citizen of both the Philippines and Canada, the article explains that Santiago chose to compete for the Philippines because she wanted to, as she put it, "fight for a country that would support me 1,000 percent.” Santiago was born in the Philippines and migrated to Toronto when she was 16 years old and then finished a degree in communications at York University. While her start in pageants began in Canada when she won the Mutya ng Pilipinas Overseas Communities' crown,33 it is Santiago's lineage in and affective ties to the Philippines that national and international media honed in on. After winning the international title, Santiago was asked to publicly clarify her residency, citizenship and hence material connection to the Philippines. In response, the beauty queen cited her place of birth in the Philippine National Capital Region, her childhood spent with her grandparents in the Philippine province of Bicol where she waited while her mother migrated to Canada first and petitioned her, reiterating : "[...] I went to elementary and I went to two years of high school there because my grandma is a teacher. I was raised in a province."34,35  To this laundry list, Santiago added that she could speak and understand at least four of the Philippine languages. But what endeared most in the Philippines covering her victory was Santiago's devotion to winning the international contest for those who were affected and devastated by Supertyphoon Haiyan that hit the country only months before the competition. She declared publicly that she was entering the international competition for the survivors of the typhoon and after winning the title and meeting some survivors back 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  32 http://lifestyle.inquirer.net/147233/bea-rose-santiago-how-she-shone-on-the-miss-international-stage-without-trying-too-hard 33 http://www.ibtimes.com.au/10-things-you-dont-know-about-miss-international-2013-bea-rose-santiago-1327161 34 http://news.abs-cbn.com/lifestyle/12/18/13/bea-rose-clarifies-residency-issue 35 http://lifestyle.inquirer.net/147233/bea-rose-santiago-how-she-shone-on-the-miss-international-stage-without-trying-too-hard 	   104 on Philippine soil she shared:  “[...] It just gave more sense to my fight for the Miss International crown. I’m going to get that crown for them, for all Filipinos, to give them a reason to be happy even if the situation they are in right now seems bleak."36   Pageant Contestant 3: The headline from the Philippine-based newspaper announcing the winner of the Filipino Center Toronto pageant read "Toronto center honors Fil-Canadian beauty as well as brains."37  Former school teacher Nancy Sumaya received the honours in a crown titled Miss Paraluman [Muse or Goddess] 2015. The community center, which the Philippine consulate helped to start, honoured Sumaya as a muse in its vision of being a gathering space to support and help Filipinos in the city.38  Echoing this narrative, a year earlier one of the first nurses to arrive in Toronto in the 1950's was given the pageant title of muse for the year.39 Estela Kuhonta Bischof was bestowed this honour for what the media article explained is the debt of gratitude Filipino overseas workers owe to figures like Bischof who opened "the doors of opportunity by dint of their work ethic, high professionalism and unstinting service."40  How can these three pageant stories be juxtaposed to tell a certain narrative of Filipina bodies? Is there a particular story that can be told from the ways in which beauty is apprehended and made legible in these contestants whose individual stories and bodies track back-and-forth between the Philippines and Canada? Santos' philantrophic endeavors in the Philippines and military service in Canada, Santiago's claim to affinity with the suffering and fighting Filipino people and her migration to Canada, and the nurse and school teacher's industriousness and service to the Filipino community in Toronto are interesting touchstones to think about the pageant as performance that converges nation, femininity, sexuality, and race.  Scholars have theorized the beauty pageant as a site of contestation, performativity and performance. Ethel Tungohan (2014) understands the pageant as a site of political activism and space for agency for overseas Filipino live-in caregivers who 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  36 http://lifestyle.inquirer.net/143083/ph-bet-wins-miss-international-crown 37 http://globalnation.inquirer.net/130482/toronto-center-honors-fil-canadian-beauty-as-well-as-brains 38 http://www.filipinocentretoronto.com 39 http://lifestyle.inquirer.net/178122/pageant-honors-pioneer-filipina-nurse-in-toroton 40 http://lifestyle.inquirer.net/178122/pageant-honors-pioneer-filipina-nurse-in-toroton 	   105 organize and participate in beauty pageant contests in Toronto. In Tungohan's assessment of the annual "Miss Caregiver" and "Mother-of-the-Year" beauty pageants, she argues that while they can be read as forums that reinscribe dominant gender paradigms of the Filipina body, in pageants, live-in caregivers are able to exercise their agency in ways "that simultaneously work with, work against, and work outside the Canadian state to create policies that benefit live-in caregivers and their families [...] to ensure their well-being" (ibid: 35). To argue this, Tungohan hones in on acts of what she calls "micro-rebellions" that the reproduction and repurposing of beauty pageants in the form of community gatherings allow. She demonstrates how live-in caregivers who are mandated to leave their children in the Philippines by virtue of the regulations of Canada's Caregiver Program re-script ideas of motherhood and victimhood at these pageants. The women she observed at the pageants focus their performances on their acts of mothering from a distance or as voices for the plight of migrant workers. Like Tungohan, Rick Bonus (2000) sees community-organized pageants as a space for political action. He situates community-based pageants in a different register than the commercialized and nationally or internationally structured pageants like the Miss Universe pageants. For Bonus, who is concerned with how Filipino-American identities are taking shape in California, pageants are means for community building. He argues that because the purposes of such pageants vary from fundraising efforts to opportunities that allow for forwarding particular political agendas, pageants can be seen as sites that cultivate care. Bonus writes: "[...] beauty pageants open up spaces for practicing a kind of politics alert to history, to the syncretic appropriation of values and attributes from what are considered 'Filipino' and 'American' cultures, and to the pursuit of collective well-being" (ibid: 116). For Tungohan and Bonus then, the performativity and performances that animate pageants allow for narratives different from the nationalist scripts underlining the dominant narrative of the three pageant contestants outlined earlier. Ochoa (2014) gives another rendering of the pageant in her work on beauty pageants (both normative and queer) in Venezuela. Firstly, she highlights the role that beauty pageants have played in the making of the Venezuelan nation especially in relation to transnational processes involving commercialized and international beauty contests. Secondly, she argues "beauty pageant democracy" is used to negotiate between competing ideas and desires in 	   106 a politics of representation. Through this concept, Ochoa is able to apprehend how drama and controversy that circulate in the pageant help to define and make clear proper sexualities and sexual subjects in the ways in which pageants are stylized through management of performances. In short, for Ochoa in their role and form, both the commercialized international contests and the locally organized pageants in Venezuela produce particular sorts of subjects worthy of projection.  Given that the pageant can be understood as a site where representation, power, and politics inform what subjects and subjectivities come to be, allow me to return to the three pageant contestants -- the philanthropist, the supertyphoon saviour, and the muse of the Filipino-Canadian community. In what follows, I suggest that the gendered, racialized and sexual subjectivities that materialize and matter are organized in ways that are legible, and thus are made in relation to normative notions of Canada. To work through this argument anchored on the pageant as a site of power and contestation, I explore how Filipinos are trained for pageants in Canada, how the pageants are judged, and finally how gendered sexualities are performed at community-organized pageants. I think more carefully about the roles that beauty and the pageant play in the Filipina/o's purposeful performance to the nation, specifically focusing on the liberal multicultural imperatives that underpin the pageant and the subjects they produce. 4.4.1 Pageantry with a Purpose Most of those involved in hosting and organizing community pageants agree that a proper pageant participant must be trained. But the successful ones, the ones who stand out to the judges and audience, possess seemingly innate qualities that must be harnessed correctly in order for, as Elena put it, their beauty to shine. More specifically, pageant participants are expected to possess ‘Filipina-ness’, a supposedly innate quality that can be honed and one that suggests a complicated relationship between beauty and nation. In interviewing the teenage and young women to be part of her pageant, Imelda, who has been organizing pageants for a community organization since the 1980s, explains: [...] I would like to know that they still know their grandfather and grandmother. I always ask if they still have a grandpa or grandma, 'Do you make mano, mano -- mano po,' and they say, 'Oh yes, po'. Our tradition, 	   107 what we've been growing up with, I hope their mom teaches them the proper Filipino way -- you know what I mean -- I don't want to get rid of the Filipino way. Holding on to this "Filipino way" when in Canada also implies a letting go. Kathleen introduces what I mean by a letting go: Well, I think in the Philippines when you join [pageants], it’s like your focus is all there. And you’re willing to drop so many things just to make sure. Like if the parents know that their daughter has a chance, they’re not going to let her work. You preserve your hands and skin. You preserve everything. No mosquito bites. You’re being built, like in Venezuela, you’re being built, except you don’t go for plastic surgery. They practically have the look that they are wanting to be as a beauty queen. Here [in Canada], no. Sometimes they join because they were asked to join. [...] I think Canada is fast paced, let’s get it done, and here the focus is different. If you can do something for humanity, if you can contribute, if you can raise funds for charity, you’re doing something. It’s more your purpose. Note the shift in purpose that Kathleen points to in the orientation of pageants when repurposed in Canada. Like Imelda who links potential pageant participants to what she calls "the proper Filipino way," Kathleen links bodies to Canada that are reoriented to a purpose to "do something for humanity."  In the Philippines, Fanella Cannell (1999) explains, the history of beauty pageants can be traced back to the Spanish colonial period wherein wealthy families enrolled their daughters in pageants in the hopes that with winning a title, the family could secure advantageous marriage arrangements. In Cannell's ethnographic study of Bicolanos, she notes that pageants have since mutated to become what people in the community call "brains and beauty lang (brains and beauty only)" contests. Cannell suggests that these pageants now align with American ideals of merit and individual self-worth. She says that contemporary pageants in the community are playful imitations of the West in general and America in particular. She writes: "[T]he barangay [village] attitude to 'beauty' is also an ironic but genuinely funny comedy, a play on the gap between heartfelt consumer aspiration and the limits of possible achievement" (ibid: 207). Here Cannell is remarking on the amount of labour and resources families and communities put into 	   108 enrolling their daughters into pageants, not for the possibility of marriage as in Spanish colonial times, but to showcase their families' proximity to American ideals. I suggest that the pageant as a platform oriented towards desiring what Cannell calls American "democratic civic sensibility" is taken up in slightly different ways in Canada. While still relying on the tropes of merit and individual self-worth, the pageant becomes a vehicle or platform for a different set of aspirations still tied to Western values and standards but more closely scripted to liberal notions of multiculturalism and humanitarism associated with normative Canadian values.   Joyce who organizes a pageant as part of her regional organization's annual festival expounds on the purpose of her pageant: I just don't want them to join just because or just to have fun. I want them to have a purpose because our association has a purpose. I want them to be the ambassador of our association. We have a cause, we're a charitable organization, this is not just for fun. So you have to have your responsibility when you win, you are responsible to this kind of cause. This sense of responsibility is not unlike how those involved with pageants in the Philippines describe the ways in which the responsibilities of family, community and nation intersect at the site of the pageant. Kathleen explains: In the Philippines, [they] join a beauty contest because they want to be seen for their beauty. It’s status and eventually, they might become an actress, [...] a model. The Philippines is a poor country, and so people capitalize on inborn resources. If you’re beautiful, okay, there’s your treasure chest. People will say oh don’t worry, you’re poor, you plow the field, you have a beautiful daughter, that will save you. Riffing on Kathleen's thoughts on the promise of beauty's upward mobility in the Philippines and the Filipina's responsibility to family and community, I suggest that there is a reorientation that happens in the context of Canada as the pageant becomes entangled with another set of racial, gender and sexual logics. More specifically, the pageant helps the Filipina/o perform and conform to the white heteropatriarchal moorings of liberal multiculturalism. As critical race theorists such as Himani Bannerji (2000) have pointed out, narratives of the Canadian nation are constructed around the notion of "the two founding nations" or its "two solitudes" -- English and French Canada. Bannerji (ibid) 	   109 understands that the construction of Canada was and continues to be predicated on the colonization and obliteration of Indigenous lands and peoples. However, as she explains, the colonization of Indigenous peoples ironically remains a constant threat to the stability and legitimacy of the Canadian nation-state, which undergirds national narratives of survival and threat. Bannerji argues that the Canadian state and nationhood is in a constant state of crisis, and she lays out how the state has turned to "...official multiculturalism for ways to manage a colonial history, an imperialist present, and a convoluted liberal democracy" (10).   Therefore, multiculturalism enables the Canadian state to transcend messy and specific contradictions involved in the power-laden processes of colonization, white supremacy, and patriarchy entailed in the making of the Canadian nation. As Bannerji and other critical race scholars insist (see Razack et al 2010; Thobani 2007; Ahmed 2000), by forwarding multiculturalism as an elite ideology, policy and practice, race and racism in liberal democratic societies becomes framed as a matter of culture. In this framing, inequalities are understood as cultural differences or, as Razack (1998) put it, liberal democracies founded on white settler colonial relations breed a "culturalization of racism" alongside a "culturalization of sexism."  In this twinned process, culture is reified and "[...] taken to mean values, beliefs, knowledge, and customs that exist in a timeless and unchangeable vacuum outside of patriarchy, racism, imperialism, and colonialism" (ibid: 58). Being attentive to the pervasiveness of liberal multicultural logics, I suggest that the pageant re-performed in Canada cannot help but be repurposed to conform to these logics.  Consider how Joyce explains the ways in which the pageant changes between the Philippines and Canada: It's not just… I think I want them to know that it's not about the beauty, we want to show to them what we are really, like our -- not just the culture -- but our own values, our own characteristics, how we are different from other groups like Filipino groups. [...] I find Canada is more, because we're multicultural, we have a different way of showing people what we are. Kyle, a stylist and frequent judge at community pageants adds: 	   110 I think for that culturally, and I think it’s also here in Canada, it’s a little bit different because the girls join in. It’s not so much for the fame or the fortune, but I think it’s being able to serve. I think it’s allowing, it’s for them it’s a platform, you know, it’s the title for them to really have, like for their own self, what do you call that, like a personal growth. Both Joyce and Kyle draw attention to the pageant as a platform. They insinuate that the platform works as a site for liberal fulfillment and multicultural performance and consumption. For Kyle, the platform is a springboard to liberal forms of self-improvement; for Joyce, the platform is a stage for showcasing values that are readily legible. Both underscore the need to reorient the pageant as a platform to multicultural desires in ways that suggest attempts to demonstrate the community's attachment to Canada.   Narima who organizes a Santacruzan procession, a religious pageant with its roots in the Philippines, adds to the complexity of re-performing the procession in a Canadian context. She speaks here of the need to make more evident the beauty of the Filipina as a vehicle that can represent the Filipino in the multicultural mosaic: I wanted to showcase the beautiful ones. It’s not that I don’t want the other tradition. It’s just that I feel that, since we are in Canada, I wanted them to know that we have the beauty of the Philippines. I want them to show the beauty, to see the beauty of the Philippines, not the laid back one, because sometimes they think that we are still like that, we are wearing like that in the Philippines [...] that we’re that laid back [...]. I just feel that we need to showcase the beautiful tradition. And my husband and I were brainstorming and we thought of why not Santacruzan? We know that Santacruzan has already been featured in some other organization, but mostly are indoor, not really a big event like a Philippine Independence Celebration. The pageant then, continues to be a platform for display as Kathleen explained is similar to the purpose of pageants in the Philippines -- a platform that maintains the Filipina, kin, and nation in a knotted relationship. However, both shed light on how beauty takes on a pragmatic character to bring the Filipina into being as a legible subject in normative multicultural logics. It is about "showing people who we are," showcasing "beautiful tradition", and to "show the beauty of the Philippines," to an imaginary Canadian audience. As critical race scholars insist, the necessity to perform and conform is to assume and reify whiteness as the normative centre. Sara Ahmed (2007) argues that 	   111 whiteness can be understood as an orientation wherein arrivals, directions, proximities, and lines that bodies take up are inhabited, inherited, and reproduced. In her words: "To make this point very simply: whiteness becomes a social and bodily orientation given that some bodies will be more at home in a world that is orientated around whiteness" (ibid: 160). With Ahmed, I put forward that the pageant and the utilitarian function of beauty in the pageant form works to orient the Filipina/o to the white nation-building project of Canada along pathways conditioned by liberal multicultural designs.   Conditioning to fit into the multicultural mold is seen most clearly in how the body is judged and coached to perform proper liberal subjects. Take for example, Kathleen's assessment of what makes a good beauty queen in Canada: In the Philippines, [it's] very very colonial, that’s why you look a lot at the physical attributes. And here it’s more like you don’t look at the physical attributes. So it’s on a different level. Here you look at what can you do, what you represent, the beauty contests here will remember the contestants for their advocacies. [...] I’m so amazed at the girls because of their advocacies. Her mentality is Canadian. She sees what they do for the community. So if you mix that with your mentality, the Filipino mentality of how you look and how you walk, oh my gosh, you’ve got a very good beauty queen. Pageant organizers invest resources and time to prepare participants in ways that might more appropriately showcase Kathleen's mix. Along with heeding to muliticultural displays that centre whiteness, a rhetoric of philanthropy that dovetails with Canadian liberal scripts of humanitarism and benevolence is also present. As Santos' philanthropic activites in the Philippines are celebrated, in Canada, Kathleen suggests that benevolent acts are a defining Canadian characteristic. She explains, "the beauty contests here [in Canada] will remember the contestants for their advocacies," later suggesting that when  Filipina forms of beauty merge with this "Canadian mentality" of good deeds, "you've got a very good beauty queen." In other words, Canada is understood to be a place or nation where liberal principles of good will and benevolence define a proper citizen effectlively obscuring various interesecting and unequal power relations to frame the individual as wholly responsible for their ability to either embody benevolence or not .41 The ability to 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  41 Gada Mahrouse (2014, 2006) writes in more detail and depth about how Canadian liberal humanitarism is part of a nationbuilding project that obscures power hieararchies. In Mahrouse's work on transnational 	   112 demonstrate what a good Canadian citizen is at the pageant takes training. Imelda tries to impart on the young women and teenagers who take part in her pageants the confidence associated with this mix: This [pageant] is to introduce yourself to the community too. I would like them to learn not to be shy. That's why I give them all the public speaking. And I even give all this question and answer to help them to prepare. One of the girls couldn't even answer, even though I gave them the questions already. You won't believe it. She asked for another one in public -- in front of 300 people. It was very simple. Like, 'what could you do about the government?' In order to help her contestants answer these questions with confidence, she and other organizers I spoke with provide their participants with the scripted questions as part of the pageants' question portion of the contest. As Jessa explains here, the process of practice and training takes time and resources, which some participants and organizers pointed to as a barrier to greater number of women and teenagers joining: I usually ask them how they feel being in this. 'Are you willing to commit through to the end?' And then we give them the advantage of being, let's say, we're not going to take a lot of your time for sure, I make sure that we're not taking up their time too much. [...] There's no standard. As long as she knows she can make it, she can do it, she can commit -- that's the most important. And we will consider the physical appearance but not necessarily. For my eyes, I don't believe unless she's really ugly or her face is not well taken care of, but you could turn someone into something beautiful if she's very confident about what she looks like. Some people, no matter how good-looking they are, they don't have that confidence then they can't do it. They can't make it, they won't do it, because they think they're not beautiful. I'm more attracted to people who are more willing to do it and more committed. [...] In the competition itself, when you get interviewed on stage, people would know how you answer in an instant interview. Unless it's a scripted interview. And you could tell who’s the smart one and who’s not. [...] I 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  solidarity and peace education, Mahrouse critiuqes Canadian humanitarian and acts of benevolence as inherently racialized. 	   113 would totally believe that she's deserving. She's beautiful and she's intelligent. As Jessa explains, the pageant necessitates that feminine beauty be taken up as a project, a possibility to be worked on and invested in, and a performance oriented towards recognition and merit. Much like Nguyen (ibid) asserts in her theories on beauty as a promise, as a good to be distributed, and as a pragmatic a series of techniques, beauty in the pageantry of Filipina bodies is a process that brings particular subjects into being. The formation of subjectivities as performed at local pageants cross nation-state borders, negotiate normative notions of gender, and contend with colonial legacies and contemporary conditions. The form and repurposing of the pageant to display multicultural liberal participation in Canada's nation-building project trains and calls upon bodies to perform and conform to whiteness. While I advance the argument that bodies are trained and judged for recognition and merit in the liberal logics of white settler colonial Canada, I also comprehend that normalizing imperatives are not totalizing. Instead of being a totalizing project, the pageant is a vexed site where subjectivities are negotiated and confuse orientations that coalesce around normativities. The confusion and anxieties that challenge normalizing logics is best seen in how sexualities can turn unruly and undesirable in pageants. 4.4.2 Training Sexualities: Walking the Thin Line Between "Slutty" and "Classy" In a write-up introducing a community pageant held in the 1990s, the community organization that put on the affair explains: In the Philippines, the beauty pageant is not an exploitation of beauty nor of the female gender. It is a part of our heritage -- such as the "reynas"42 during town fiestas and the "sagalas"43 during May festivals. It is part of our culture -- such that it involves the whole family of the participants. 44 Pronouncements defending pageants against labels of exploitation percolate through much of how beauty pageant organizers and participants talk about the continuing 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  42 Queens 43 Muses 44 Pageant organizer's personal archives 	   114 popularity among Filipinos of the pageant form despite the form's less revered status in Canada. When asked why the organization thought it necessary to make their stance known against the "exploitation of beauty" and the "exploitation of the female gender" in their printed program, Imelda explained that they felt "Canadians" were not familiar with the significance of pageants in the cultural logics of the Filipino/a. Hence, in order to defend pageants, organizers used the purpose of preserving heritage and family to make the practice legible to "Canadians."  The move to family and heritage evades the question of gender exploitation while reifying the heteronormative family. This dance, between appeasing a "Canadian" public and conforming to proper heteronormativity, moves to the tune of respectability. Kathleen explains:  [...] You are a beauty queen, you should show that you’re really feminine. Right? They can really see your assets, but usually you show that in how you walk; you have to be queenly, right, not sexually, you are not attracting men. [...] You got to be respectable, respectable. You’re a beauty queen. [...] For me, I feel like an ideal Filipina should be smart, okay. You’re not cheap, you’re smart, you’re respectable, and you have good bearing. In this balancing act, the Filipina balances hetero- femininity and desirability along a fine line held up by a particular notion of respectability. The ideal Filipina beauty "should be smart and have a good bearing" not "cheap" all while showing her "assets" in the way she walks, holds her body, and demonstrates her intelligence. Here, "assets" take on a double meaning. Tessie, a former pageant contestant and winner both in the Philippines and Canada, explains: They're looking for a girl with a nice "asset”. [...] Yes, it's one of the physical attributes they prefer in a beauty pageant. The judges look at the whole package and shapely glutes are included. [...] Some of the judges and organizers commented on my "assets". They said 'most Filipinas have no bums' [laughter]. While showing one's "assets" in the way she walks and in her composure, Kathleen reminds us that at the same time as the contestant is being judged on bodily appearance and disposition, she is simultaneously being read for her moral orientation. Here, I am interested in how proper feminine heterosexuality is pinned to the idea of respectability. 	   115 Post-colonial feminists have argued that the policing of sexualities fueled by anxieties over the constitution and preservation of the bourgeois subject are fundamental to colonial projects. Ann Stoler (2002) for example, uses the framework of "internal frontiers" to think through how categories invented during the West's imperial ventures were crafted out of the anxieties involved in the colonizers’ attempts to secure the meaning of "Europeaness" in its encounters with the racialized Other. Such anxieties, she argues were managed through the surveillance and supervision of the intimate. Through policies (labour, marriage, pedagogy) and practices (child rearing, domestic duties and education), the intimate were sites of anxiety for the European subject in the colony and metropole. What joined national and racial identity were assessments of racialized and gendered groups' cultural competencies. Stoler argues that these cultural competencies indexed "moral sensibilities and physiological propensities." In other words, the intimate was policed by measuring a group's cultural appropriateness -- an appropriateness calculated in a formula that collapsed the supposed natural biological state of the subject with its moral character. The workings of colonial categories premised on moral awareness and bodily disposition is evident in the ways that the Filipina must walk a fine line between respectable comportment and physical desirability. While Stoler is concerned with anxieties in Europe's imperial projects in the colony, in the case of the Filipina who pageants in Canada, the policing of gender and sexuality is routed through members of the community who, in efforts to be evoke Canadian values, ensure that such moral and bodily respectability are maintained. Jessa makes  clear how physiological propensities and moral sensibilities merge in the making of bodies at the pageant: I mean there is a thin line between being slutty and being sexy or classy -- sexy but classy. Because there's women who look really trashy and slutty whatever she wears even [if] she's just wearing pants and a jacket. But if she's slutty, she will be slutty because that's how she becomes when she wears a certain type of clothes. Maybe that's her personality. Elena adds more details to this line of defense against ideas of gendered exploitation: Alright -- it's the way people look at it. Some will say they are exploiting women because they wear these swimsuits or now bikinis, two-piece, but exploiting women -- if you say that to a pageant, it's not about exploiting women, it's not about that. It's about beauty and put them all together, I 	   116 will, let's say I'm the candidate or I'm the applicant, okay I will do this because I know I'm beautiful and it is beauty for a cause. [...] If you call that exploitation then no because if these title holders are helping charitable projects, then, I don't think it's exploitation. I'll tell you what exploitation is -- exploitation is not doing anything when there's teenagers being exploited on the street, they're not getting any help on the streets using drugs -- that's exploitation. They are not getting the proper help. In beauty pageants, it's very healthy, mainly because we're giving, we're showing the beauty of the women [...]. Note that Elena takes pains to explain that the sexuality of bodies at the pageant is respectable because it is a sexuality that aligns with what Sherene Razack calls the "legendary niceness of European Canadians,  [and] their well-known commitment to democracy [...]" (2002: 4), in that it is a sexuality used for the purposes of "charitable projects."  At the pageant then, the body and morality are conflated in a bodily-ethical matrix that marks certain bodies as suitable beauties and others as incongruous with the purpose of the pageant where sexuality plays a key role in the marking of immoral and moral bodies. More precisely, the anxieties that revolve around the appropriate sexual subject help to define what Kathleen calls a "thin line between being slutty and being sexy or classy". Walking this thin line takes training and practice -- an investment pageant organizers tend to be prepared to make as proper feminine heteronormativity is at stake. Jessa explains: I mean as much as possible we will follow a certain standard to make our pageant look good in a way to be a role model to people that would look at them. That's why when we award them, we award them with Most Confident or something like that and we define a certain award because of her personality. And all of them are actually in relationships, all 12 of them. Tessa recalls the training and advice she received as a pageant contestant in a nationwide competition in the Philippines: I was advised by a pageant to stop acting like a virgin. [...] I actually didn't know what to do because I was but they took me aside and said 'You have to stop acting like a virgin.' I'm was like 'What does that mean?' They said 'Stop being so innocent.' I had to be a little more rough, aggressive, assertive more comfortable with my body because I was way too shy. [...] So you know so somebody took me aside and taught me how to smoke a 	   117 cigarette, someone took me aside and taught me how to drink alcohol but I just drank calamansi juice all the time [laughter].  Elena adds: In the pageant, in beauty pageants, when there's of course -- nowadays it's bikinis or one-piece -- every time we train them to walk in bikinis or in swim suits, the trainer will see it to it that when this contestant comes out she must be really looking sexy otherwise it will look awkward. If I'm the instructor, and I don't teach these girls wearing swim suits how to walk with it, with art, let's not say sexy but with art. When you look at the way that they walk, the men especially would say the word 'sexy'.  These efforts to manage proper Filipina sexuality at the pageant display a certain politics. Like Tugohan (ibid) and Bonus (ibid) argue, the pageant is a site of politics wherein beauty is contested at the same time as competing narratives and systems of power are negotiated. Ochao (ibid) claims that these struggles can be apprehended as a politics of representativity wherein power struggles in pageants help to clarify proper subjectivities in general and sexualities in particular. I build on these ideas of the pageant as a site of politics to suggest that in the white settler colonial and capitalist context of Canada, the pageant for Filipino/as takes the form of a politics of respectability.  Mary Lou Fellows and Sherene Razack (1998) coined the idea of a politics that revolves around respectability. They base their critique of such a politics on post-colonial and feminist renderings of subject-formation, which are understood as dialectic processes between the self and the other. The self, as the unmarked center (the white male heterosexual in the Western imaginary), is only made possible through the other. Or as they put it, "The containment of the Other is a making of the dominant self" (ibid: 343). Subordinate groups are not immune to these acts of self-formation through exclusion. Therefore, in an effort to assure the place, position and privilege of the dominant self against the risk of a "literal loss of self," Razack and Fellows argue bodies vie for what they call a "toehold on respectability". Thinking through Stoler and McClintock's notions the bourgeois anxiety and quest for respectability vis-à-vis the definition and exclusion of the racialized, feminized, poor, and sexualized degenerate other, Fellows and Razack work to demonstrate how feminists vie for superior positioning by claiming a "toehold" on respectability. They use the vilification of the prostituted woman to demonstrate how 	   118 the grasp of this toehold is measured by the subjects' distance from a degenerate, in this case sexually immoral, other. Recall, the fine line between respectability and cheapness Kathleen evokes when thinking about the forms of proper sexualities allowed at the pageant. The anxiety in this framing revolves around safeguarding the proper Filipina heterosexual feminine subject. The degenerate other is understood in "cheap" or "slutty" sexual terms. This slip into sexual disgracefulness and wantonness is not far for the Filipina woman in Canada. Geraldine Pratt (2004) has documented how Filipina live-in caregivers self-regulate and manage their sexualities in the private homes of their employers and in community public spaces against a dominant narrative that posits the Filipino live-in domestic workers as "husband-stealers."  The colonial and imperialist rendering of the Philippines as feminine and sexually dubious also figures into the Filipina's close proximity to liberal understandings of irrespectability. Neferti Tadiar explains that in its relationship with American colonialism and imperialism, the Philippines is characterized as America's mistress, noting: [T]he 'special relationship' of the Philippines and the US is no marriage, and the Philippines is no wife; she is, rather, America's mistress. Feminized in this relationship of debt and dependence, the Philippines produces the surplus pleasure (wealth) that the US extracts from its bodily (manual) labour. (2004: 43). 	  To distance their pageants and participants from such degenerate others, to grab onto a toehold of respectability, pains are taken to ensure this line is maintained.  This line and politics of respectability is given structure and power by the white heteropatriarchal logics fundamental to Canada as a settler colonial and capitalist formation. Daniel Justice et al. (2010) argue that in the making of settler colonial states of Canada and the United States, Indigenous peoples were made into populations characterized as subjects reeking of unnatural desires. In this logic, Scott Morgensen (2011) maintains, Indigenous peoples in the settler colonial project are always-and-already queered. The perverse sexualization of Indigenous bodies is accompanied by colonial gender regimes. This twinned distortion of Indigenous genders and sexualities is keenly articulated by Stó:lō scholar Lee Maracle who reflects:  I responded, like so many other women, as a person without sexuality. Native women do not even like the words "women's liberation" and even now it burns my back. How could I resist the reduction of women to sex 	   119 objects when I had not been considered sexually desirable, even as an object?  We have been the object of sexual release for white males whose appetites are too gross for their own delicate women" (1996:16)  While hypersexualized by the continuing settler colonial project that conflates Indigenous women's bodies with notions of easily accessible land (Justice et al 2010, Finley 2011), Maracle points to the utter insufferability of the Indigenous woman according to white heteropatriarchy. The Indigenous woman in the settler colonial context of Canada is not only the degenerate and perverse counterpart to proper white feminine sexuality, but also utterly void of feeling and desire. In this rendering, feminized Indigenous bodies are always-and-already violateable and upon whom extreme violence is justifiable. I argue that while not at the forefront nor directly articulated by Filipino/as who pageant on the unceded territories of the Coast Salish peoples, the Indigenous woman is ubiquitous. More specifically, the dominant narrative of the Indigenous woman as Canada's counter-pole to proper white feminine heteronormativity looms in the ways that the pageant is repurposed and re-scripted in Canada to service multicultural logics. After all the Canadian state is, as Razack et al. succinctly put it, a: "[...] modern liberal state which is, fundamentally a racial state, a white settler state whose very amnesic conception rests on racialization constructs and relations with Canada's Indigenous peoples" (2010: 10). I am thus suggesting that the politics of representativity at play in pageants is a politics that necessarily negotiates these gender, racial and sexual logics ingrained in the fabric of Canada's multicultural mosaic. When organizers like Elena explain that they manage the feminine sexualities of the Filipina pageant participant to showcase the health and beauty of the Filipina, or when organizers like those of the first Filipino pageants in Vancouver found it necessary to highlight the pageant as part of Filipino culture to be legible to a presupposed "Canadian" audience, the question of what racialized bodies and sexual feminine subjectivities are understood as proper are traversed along dominant racial and gender configurations in Canada. In other words, I argue that the particularities of white settler colonial gender, racial and sexual disciplining work through liberal notions of multiculturalism in the case of the Filipina who pageants.  	   120 4.5 Gender Play and Fringe Religious Ritual: Beauty and Pageants that Confound While dominant racial, sexual and gendered logics cannot be escaped in the pageant, the ways in which they are negotiated in struggles over representativity and power underscore the possibility to slip away from and subvert colonial logics. In other words, I see disruptive possibilities at the pageant. I follow Ochoa's (ibid) transformista, who is ascribed a male sex at birth but transforms herself into a woman in mundane ways producing Venezuelan femininities in resistance to violent and dominant gender modes. I also appreciate Manalansan's (ibid) bakla, whose Filipino gay immigrant identities are continually made and remade through measured performances against their racialized and classed positions as outsiders to create non-normative notions of citizenship. And finally, I recognize the value of Tungohan's (ibid) Miss Caregiver, who engages in pageants in ways that challenge and re-script the victimized and bad mother narratives of the migrant domestic worker. In the pageants I observed and the participants I spoke with, I understand beauty and the pageant as sites that, while made in the crucible of colonial and capitalist designs, can confuse and subvert the logics of its creations.  I return to the controversy of the Macho-Yot pageant performed in Vancouver to pick away at this point. Here, I am concerned with how gender and sexual norms are negotiated and played with through and despite nation-state borders. I then turn my attention to how beauty and the pageant are clung to by Filipina/os in the Philippine diaspora as a means to renegotiate identities that push against the normative colonial and capitalist logics of nation and race.. As beauty and the pageant are used for religious purposes and claims for space from white Canada, I focus in on how these moments confound and confuse. While while these renegotiations and moments of disruption are sometimes fleeting, I argue that such moments allow space to re-read and redistribute responsibility by shifting focus on the technologies of white settler colonial disciplining. 4.5.1 The Beauty of Gender and Sexual Negotiations and Play From what I could surmise from the organizer and participant's explanation of the male-centered pageant, the "yot" in Macho-yot stands for "Your-Own-Thing". In other words, you are encouraged to perform and play a hybridity of femininity and machoness in your 	   121 own way. The pageant was intended to take the male pageant tradition rooted in the Philippines and reinvigorate it in Vancouver. In this form, hetero-identified Filipino men perform femininity and are judged on their embodiment and proximity to femininity. A social media description of an annual pageant held at the University of the Philippines (UP) illustrates the gender play that characterizes this form of pageant. It reads: The most awaited event of the entire Engineering Week and the biggest of its kind is MISS ENGINEERING.45  This year, we will gaze upon the flourishing of red-blooded Engineering males as they epitomize the different species of Philippine butterflies, made possible by the series of meticulous training and activities — Meet and Greet, Pictorial Session, Video Shoot, Workshop, Boot Camp, Charity Work, Rehearsals, and many more.  In line with this year’s theme of Engineering Week, "Into the Wild", witness the rendezvous of all the candidates as they embody confidence and love of self.  See all of them transform on the culminating event of "METAMORPHOSIS: Miss Engineering 2016 - Pageant Night", on March 5, 2016 at the University Theater, UP Diliman.46 I include the event announcement and description in its entirety here to provide a general sense of the thought and affect of pageants centered on the male body in the Philippines. Note the gaze is meant to center on "red-blooded Engineering males," suggesting that men involved in such pageants are presumed to be cisgender and heterosexual. Note then that the gaze is meant to witness cisgender Filipino heterosexual male students transform through training and care into "butterflies" who will vie for the title of Miss Engineering, suggesting the "red-blooded" men will turn into women for one pageant evening. While there is much to unpack in this narrative of gender fluidity and sexuality fixedness on display, it is beyond the scope of this chapter. Instead, I want to explore how this aspiration for fluidity and play failed to translate when Filipina/o community members attempted to bring the Macho-Yot to Vancouver.  Teddy, a participant of the pageant gives his thoughts on the disjuncture of the pageant's performance between the Philippines and Canada. I began by asking Teddy if 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  45 Original emphasis 46 https://www.facebook.com/UPMissEngg/info/?entry_point=page_nav_about_item&tab=page_info 	   122 he observed any differences or similarities between the male pageant performed in the Philippines and the one he participated in Vancouver: Teddy:  Here, actually it’s surprisingly not much [different], pretty much just setting.  May:  Okay, so they’re pretty similar? Teddy:  Yeah pretty similar, because the people that [are] organizing them is of course Filipino and they probably, you know, they try to make it the same, close to home as possible, so there’s not much difference actually, because I’ve seen some in the Philippines. It’s similar and it’s all, it’s all about entertaining and it was true, and I don’t know if you were there, or you probably weren’t there in the beginning [...], because there was a lot of other Caucasians as well, outside Filipino culture. [We were] trying to explain that we’re not making fun of homosexuality or gays. This is more of entertainment, but it’s more of the fun. It’s more of a fun thing where it’s guys are trying to act like girls. The whole Macho-Yot thing is it has to be men trying to act like women [...]. Teddy starts with how the pageant organizers attempt to keep the pageant "close to home," implying that the gender play of the pageant is intended to generate fun, community, and amusement familiar to the Philippines. The way that he describes it, the intended fun and festivity went sideways on two turning points. First, he says "there were a lot of other Caucasians as well," attending the community-organized event. With people being read as "outside Filipino culture" making up the audience, pageant organizers and participants felt it necessary to explain or defend the pageant's gender play of male bodies pretending to be women. This ushers in the second point around which the restaging of the macho pageant spins. In this twist, sexuality becomes the focal point for uncertainty and confusion. Teddy shares that in attempts to clear up this confusion, efforts were made to "explain that we're not making fun of homosexuality or gays." The convergence of whiteness and normative notions of sexuality is confounded by the gender play when sexuality is unhinged by the Filipino man pretending to be a woman. The impulse for the white gaze to line up gender and sexual desires along legible lines can be partially explained by Judith Butler's (1990) notion of compulsory heterosexuality. While not naming whiteness as a factor in the discursive production of gender and sex, Butler is dealing with Western-centric dominant discursive regimes in her efforts to understand the normative relationship between sex, gender and sexuality. She writes: 	   123  "[...] gender can denote a unity of experience, of sex, gender, and desire, only when sex can be understood in some sense to necessitate gender -- where gender is a psychic and/or cultural designation of the self -- and desire -- where desire is heterosexual and therefore differentiates itself through an oppositional relation to the other gender it desires. The internal coherence or unity of either gender, man or woman, thereby requires both a stable and oppositional heterosexuality" (emphasis original; 1990: 30).  Butler presents what comes to be  a logical, objective, and stable model where sex-gender line up with heterosexual desire. Following this logic, in order for a heterosexual matrix to remain stable, an antithesis to heterosexuality -- homosexuality is needed. I am suggesting that the sexual non-conforming gender performance of the Macho-Yot confused and troubled the dominant Western gender and sexual paradigm in which the repetition of the pageant in Canada escaped legibility. While not the intended outcome of the gathering, the event shows where the Filipino/a in Canada might start to pull away at the seams of white heteronormativity as a colonial and capitalist logic. The failure of the comedic nature of the pageant to translate in its repurposing in Canada, I argue is productive and generative. While it failed in the sense that the organizers have decided not to repeat the pageant because its illegibility to "Canadian" audiences, the very illegibility of the male-straight-Filipino bodies performing femininity detached from the heterosexual matrix offers an opportunity to apprehend the totalizing capacity of white heteropatriarchy but also its weak points. Especially in the milieu of liberal multicultural moorings that invite and include normative queer identities into its make up, this lesson is particularly important to grasp.47 While the city of Vancouver in particular and Canada in general are proud of accepting of queer identities,48 the gender play detached from compulsory sexuality in the pageant queered the hetero- and homonormative logics that inform what dominant gendered sexualities are acceptable and what are not. Herein lies the possibility of a decolonial politics for the Filipina/o in Canada. More precisely the possibility to apprehend how our gendered and sexualized subjectivities as racialized 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  47 I explore in greater depth the invitation of queer subjectivities into the capitalist and colonial ventures in ways that reify white heteropatriarchy through what Jasbir Puar (2007) calls homonationalism and Scott Morgensen (2010) calls settler homonationalism elsewhere in this dissertation. 48 See here for an example of how the City of Vancouver aligns itself with mainstream Pride events: http://www.straight.com/life/698521/pride-2014-vancouver-city-halls-flag-raising-where-streets-are-paved-rainbows. 	   124 bodies are shaped by white heteropatriarchy as one means to recognize the Filipino's relationship and responsibility to the settler colonial conditions of Canada. While there are perhaps a myriad of ways that beauty and the pageant are able to confound, I observed at least one other way that its regeneration on the unceded territories of the Coast Salish peoples can incite anxiety and trouble the norm -- namely in the form the pageant and beauty takes on when performed as a sacred ritual. 4.5.2 Religious Pageantry There were probably over 200 of us milling around the stalls advertising Filipino community organizations and merchandise before the parade began. The large arena in Vancouver's east side was spilt in half -- we, the audience, were on one side where chairs and stalls directed our attention to the elaborate main stage; on the other side of the divide, pageant participants and organizers skirted in and out preparing for the procession. Finally the parade began. The drummers announced the commencement of the parade with the loud rhythms that shook the arena with its echoes causing many to cover their ears. After them a motley crew of Filipino organizations and Filipino-service agencies proceeded with the main organizers leading the way followed by a whole host of community groups. Then the real procession began. The Flores de Mayo [the flowers of May or the beauties of Spring] started their procession. The drumming was so loud I could barely hear people around me. The audience lined the outside of the chairs so the bodies on parade could make a full circle of the arena before stopping to have their photo taken in front of the main stage. Each woman or girl who paraded past us was framed by a wooden archway speckled with fake plastic flowers carried by either a pair of men or a group of youth. Each woman or girl at the centre of the archway wore a sash with titles like "Queen Esperansa "or "Reyna Justicia". The parade ended with "Reyna Elena". She wore elaborate pink petals around her neck and walked under a four-pronged archway more elaborate than the women and girls who preceded her. She was surrounded by five Filipino men and followed one little girl in a white dress carrying the sign "Reyna Elena." Behind her were two men wearing sports jackets with the Philippine flag tagged on their backs -- one carried a guitar as if serenading her as she moved through the arena. 	   125  The Santacruzan is a key Catholic celebration in the Philippines. Manalansan (2003) details the significance of the procession with its roots in biblical mythology. It has changed over time and space to incorporate figures in world and Philippine history. He explains that the series of muses foreground the entry of the procession's main character, Reyna Elena. Reyna Elena or Queen Helena personifies the mother of Emperor Constantine of the Roman Empire whom, as Manalansan explains, is on a mission to find the cross that will assure Constantine's victory in battle. At the same time as the yearly celebration is seeped in religious myth and ritual, the procession and choice of the parade's queen and muses are seeped in family and community tradition and protocol. Manalansan underscores the significance and prestige that comes to the families and towns from which the pageant's muses and queen are chosen as well as to those who sponsor and organize the Santacruzan. In in his exploration of diasporic Filipino gay men, Manalansan works through the pageantry and performance of a Santacruzan redeployed in New York by gay and lesbian Filipino/as who use cross-dressing to bring the figures of the procession to life. As with the Santacruzans I experienced in Vancouver, the figures in the religious pageant traditionally follow a straightforward male-female script with Constantino being the only named male figure who is usually played by a male or female child. Playing with this tradition through cross-dressing, Manalansan shows how gay and lesbian Filipinas re-script the religious pageant in ways that contest hierarchies, differences, and ideas of an essentialized "gay community" and normative notions of nation. This potential to momentarily arrest and wrestle with normative processes and practices is also at play in the Santacruzans organized by Filipino/as in Vancouver. This potential lies, not through the performance of cross-dressing but in the ways that religious ritual is performed in ways that do not sit comfortably with normative notions of liberal multiculturalism. I suggest that at the same time as the performance of the Santacruzan uses multicultural grammar and rhetoric to justify its recital in Canada, the ritual straddles the vexed relationship between normative notions of tradition and modernity, as well as the religious and the secular in productive ways that press on the boundaries of liberal tolerance.  	   126  Take for example the way this Santacruzan organizer places her pageant in-between the religious and the secular to ensure that the pageant continues to be a gathering space for the Filipino community in the Lower Mainland:  Narima:  [The] Santacruzan is basically a religious activity in the Philippines. It’s a Catholic activity, right. But since we are in Canada, we end up, we have non-Catholic attendees, we try to adjust, that’s what we did. We adjusted a bit by like, usually a Santacruzan parade in the Philippines, there are religious icons. That comes with it, at the end or at the beginning. We didn’t have that. [...] Like the Virgin Mary, because sometimes [...] Mama Mary [is] either at the front or the back if I remember it right. I think at the very end. And then people sing the Ave  Maria. That’s the traditional Santacruzan, yeah. [...] We sing the same song, but we didn’t have the icon. And, because basically the tradition is this young girls in lovely gown are offering flowers to the Virgin Mary. [...] It’s Spanish that was inherited by Filipinos. [...] [We] adjust it a bit, because we want to respect the diversity of our audience. [...] Yeah, I believe they also sung the Dios de Salve and the Ave Maria. We didn’t really change the music. Yeah. It’s just that we didn’t put the icon because there are not only non-Christian but there are a number of non-Catholics. But we didn’t really completely change it. We still retained a Catholic essence of the Santacruzan. Like the Reyna Elena is holding a crucifix, because that’s really what the Reyna Elena is holding.  May:   So what is the significance of doing it here?  Narima:  Here, because we’re not doing it as a religious offering, it’s basically really to showcase the beautiful tradition of Filipinos, yeah. Because like with Greek they have Greek Day and with the South Asians they have their own, and then [...] the Chinese they have their, you know the dragon dance. So it’s basically just to showcase the tradition of the Filipinos. That we have this. Yeah we have this.  I suggest that this pageant organizer is creatively pushing against the bounds of what is understood as respectable decency. Here again, the liberal impulse of multiculturalism cannot be escaped but must be negotiated. To do this, the Santacruzan organizers attempt to balance the Catholic mythology and ritual of the pageant by choosing not to parade an icon of the Virgin Mary, or the Mama Mary as Narima puts it. While retaining the music and the central piece of the crucifix, they skirt around what might be read as ritualistic and folklore to present the pageant not as a religious offering but as a "showcase of the tradition of the Filipinos." Banerjee (ibid) points out that multicultural showcases that 	   127 skim the surface of society and skirt around the problem of race in the forms of traditional ethics are tolerable by the Canadian state and public. As examples, she cites displays of ethnic food, clothes, song and dance as tolerable, while displays that might go deeper as she puts it, ones that ask for more than simple consumption such as the teaching of "other" religions or languages are seen as inherently violent. In other words, there is a vexed relationshipwith religions not associated with one of Canada's two colonial founding nations (French and English).   Photo 3: The pageant "Reyna" or "Queens" line up to prepare for their procession around the field.    The creative ways in which the Santacruzan is performed outside the Philippines show this balancing act between surface multicultural showcases and practicing deeper religious meanings and teachings. Chantal Saint-Blancat and Adriano Cancellieri (2014) study of a Santacruzan procession organized by Filipinos in Padua, Italy found that the diasporic community manages to negotiate these tensions in productive ways that blur lines between private and public space and between the religious and non-religious. They 	   128 argue that the embodied and emotional performance of the procession places the Filipino at the edges of Catholicism. From here, they are not fully recognized as "Catholics" since their status as migrants and their practice of a variant Catholicism converge in the community's public performance of the dramatic procession. These tensions are productive and open ways for the coming together of the Filipino community in forms that are both legible and illegible by normative Canadian notions of citizenship and belonging. Take for example the group of middle- and elderly-aged Filipina women I encountered at one of the community's locally-organized Santacruzan. They wore bright and shiny red gowns with Maria Clara-style puffed shoulders, speckled with golden yellow flower patterns dressed with bright yellow sashes detailed with red sparkles. They held red parasols and wore big smiles as they paraded and posed for photos. When I asked one of the older women what their costumes symbolized, she simply replied that they did not mean anything. She explained that they just wanted to have fun, be a part of the celebration, and show off the fashions they had made in the Philippines. As she explained this to me, the rest of her group posed for photos. Framed in the middle of the group, a woman held a dark-skin coloured Santo Niño symbolizing Jesus Christ as a child. The fun and festivity generated by the women juxtaposed with the dark-skinned child Jesus tightly-bound in a Philippine-brand of Catholicism that lies at the border of the religion's mainstream poses interesting questions of how the Filipino religious pageant might fit in Canada's white multicultural logics. In other words, while attempts are made to fold the religious pageant into liberal formulations of multiculturalism through showcases of fashion in a secular thus legible form, the Filipino/as' status as perpetual outsiders of Canada and the variant or borderline forms of Catholicism pushes on the edges and possible breaking points of normative notions of belonging. While I understand that these acts of community-building do not outrightly refuse or reject multiculturalism as a white liberal settler colonial project, they offer opportunities to apprehend the inherent contradictions of such liberal settler trappings. If beauty is understood as a tool and technology and the pageant as a site of negotiation and struggle, the religious pageant performed by Filipinos in Canada demonstrates how beauty and the pageant might be mobilized to confound normative notions of what is appreciated as acceptable and respectable. I suggest that while beauty associated with the Filipina is 	   129 negotiated in relation to her position as racialized labour in settler colonial capitalism and for legibility to muticultural patterns of cultural consumption, there are moments when beauty performed in pageants pushes against these mandates.  4.6 Conclusion In this chapter, I discuss the phenomena of beauty pageants as a gathering place for Filipino/as in Vancouver. I pay attention to how beauty and the pageant are deployed differently between the Philippines and Canada. Specifically, I trace certain failures and fissures in the pageants’ redeployment in Canada. For one, I consider the failure of the figure of the Maria Clara as a hallmark of Filipina beauty and femininity to keep its originary colonial form as the idea of the ideal Filipina changes in her diaspora to Canada. The particular gendered forms of labour the Filipina woman performs in the settler colonial and capitalist context of Canada works to reshape Filipina femininity in relation to her place as a racialized labourer. I also think about the fracturing and remaking of the pageant to suit liberal white multicultural imperatives in its re-deployment in Canada. In my attention to these failures and fractures, I highlight how gender, race and sexuality are disciplined and managed. Building on understandings that the notion of beauty and the stage of the pageant are embroiled and enveloped in overlapping fields of power relations, I analyze how gendered, racialized and sexual subjectivities are negotiated in the making of beauty and the pageant for Filipina/os in Canada. I argue that the failure of beauty and the pageant to readily translate in its migration to Canada is productive. It makes evident the pervasiveness of white heteropatriarchal processes and logics while at the same time makes evident the limits of white liberal multiculturalism in particular and its settler colonial foundations in general.	  130 Chapter 5. "Holding Filipino-ness and Queerness Together": Locating a Sexual Politics for Filipinos in Canada 5.1 Introduction Sam,  a young self-identified Filipino man who migrated to Canada in his teenage years sits with me in a coffee shop that lines a street along which Vancouver's annual LGBTQ2 pride parade typically makes its route. He is sharing with me his experiences navigating gay culture in the city when our conversation turns to the annual parade. While 2016 marked the parade's 38th year, the first-ever Filipino-centered float entered the parade only in 2012. When I asked Sam why he makes a commitment yearly to prepare and prop up this float he shares: "We try to be visible every year in being part of the Pride Parade. So we are there showcasing the Filipino culture, not because we're gay but because we're also Filipinos." Sam's statement that he involves himself in mainstream pride events "not because we're gay but because we're Filipino" underscores certain tensions that I dwell on in this chapter. Namely, I explore how Filipinos are negotiating their sexual subjectivities and politics in Canada. I think about the coming into being of Filipino sexualities and politics at the confluence of two moments and movements -- first, the emergence of Filipino-Canadian queer activism and scholarship and second, the mainstream public attention brewing over the vulnerability of and violence enacted on queer racialized bodies and communities.  It was only in 2011 that the first-ever documented Filipino LGBTQ organization was formed in the city of Vancouver. This might be surprising since Filipinos have been migrating to Canada in significant numbers since the 1960's and in the province in British Columbia alone there are hundreds of Filipino community organizations. While organizing around LGBTQ issues and rights among Filipinos appears to have a longer history in bigger cities like Toronto,49 it is also only more recently that these experiences are being documented, reflected upon, and written about. In a 2015 gathering organized 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  49 John Paul Catungal (forthcoming) makes the point that it is important to recognize that Filipino/as are engaged in doing work around sexuality in coalition with other communities (i.e. under the rubric of Asian communities). I agree with Catungal's point that Filipinos are not in isolation. But rather that Filipino/as are parts of different communities. However, for this chapter I decide to attend to the particular experiences of Filipino/as who are thinking specifically about the relationship between being Filipino and sexuality. 	  131 in Toronto under the theme “Diasporic Intimacies: Queer Filipinos and Canadian Imaginaries,"50 organizers and participants described the heteronormativity of Filipino-Canadian organizing and scholarship. They spoke of a need to invigorate a queer politics for and among Filipinos in Canada. These new developments signal for me attempts to locate a sexual politics that, as Katie, a young self-identified Filipina put it, holds "Filipino-ness and queerness together". In this chapter, I consider openings and opportunities that these attempts to locate or define such a politics open up. I think of these openings in relation to queer of colour scholarly critiques alongside interventions made by Indigenous and settler colonial queer and feminist theorists. Part of holding Filipino-ness and queerness together is to contend with the overlapping geographies that Filipino in Canada is wrapped up in. There are two layers of geographies I am referring to. First I recognize that, as transnational scholars assert, the Filipino in Canada is wrapped up in the gender relations and nation-building projects of both the Philippines and Canada. Therefore, the Filipino is conditioned by transnational processes and affinities that tie their body to the Philippine neo-colonial state and nation at the same time as they negotiate the dictates of Canada. Second, as Indigenous scholars assert, to recognize the dictates of Canada is to necessarily contend with its settler colonial foundations. Meaning, the gendered sexual dynamics and relations that make up the Canadian nation are determined or undergirded by white heteropatriarchal logics knitted into the logic of dispossession. Queer of colour critiques have done well to mark whiteness as a normative logic while Indigenous scholars are bringing to the fore important questions around the settler colonial logics of white heteronormativity.  The efforts to contend with Canada in articulating a Filipino-Canadian sexual politics are being sharpened by growing popular awareness and polarization around the vulnerability of and violence inflicted upon brown, Black and Indigenous queer bodies. The June 12, 2016 shooting in an Orlando gay nightclub, the Pulse, ripped through queer communities within and beyond Orlando. Forty-nine people were killed. The vast majority of those murdered were gay Latinx and Black people. The outpour of sympathy, pain and the need to make sense of the cruel and brutal killings unfolded along worn lines. One line in particular, those patiently and painfully held by Black, brown and 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  50 http://www.queerfilipinosincanada.ca 	  132 Indigenous queers, maintained that the racialized undertones of the sexualized acts of violence must remain centered. Resisting impulses to have the violence and their grief blanketed over as an act of violence that targeted the club-goers’ queer bodies, people evoked Black queer feminist Audre Lorde's mantra that "There is no such thing as a single-issue struggle, because we do not live single-issue lives." Cherokee writer and scholar Daniel Justice wrote about the violence and ensuing attempts to separate race from the violence:   The murders in Orlando and thwarted attack in LA simply make clear what way too many marginalized people know all too well: when you're on the social and political margins, you are never safe. There are no safe spaces. Not yet. There are safer spaces, there are moments of sanctuary, there are places where we can gather to be ourselves, whether they be our bedrooms, our ceremonial grounds, our churches, our classrooms, our nightclubs. There are privileges that can minimize your proximity to some of the most immediate dangers. But ultimately, those moments and times we come together with one another are always vulnerable. And as long as violent, racist, heteropatriarchal structures of exclusion dominate the world in which we live, we will never be safe.  This is the work ahead of us. This is why intersectionality matters. This is why we must fight to be better, stronger, kinder, more courageous. This is why we can't scapegoat others or ignore their experiences in the vain hope that it will protect us. No meeting the slaughter with Islamophobia; no ignoring that the majority of victims were people of colour and transfolk. This is our work. (Justice 2016, para. 1 and 2)  In the wake of this tragedy and unduly carrying the burden of insisting the relevance of Black and racialized sexualities, the Black Lives Matter (BLM) Movement in Toronto and Vancouver made moves to intervene in their respective city's annual Pride Parade events. In Toronto, BLM launched a sit-in protest at the head of the annual LGBTQ parade, temporarily suspending the parade to focus attention on police presence and participation in the parade. They insisted that the police's participation in the parade too easily glosses over the systemic violence experienced by Black bodies by the police and state in the name of "pride".51 Despite the ensuing backlash that came with BLM's protest action with some calling their protest an act of highjacking,52 BLM in Toronto keenly 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  51 http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/pride-parade-toronto-1.3662823 52 http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/black-lives-matter-toronto-pride-parade-1.3663659 	  133 exposed the fissures that run through queer "communities" in Canada. In Vancouver, BLM organizers decided to withdraw their participation from the annual mainstream Pride parade. In an open letter to the Vancouver Pride Society, BLM wrote that "[w]e acknowledge that in certain contexts police presence to perform a job of civil service may deter acts of homophobia and violence, especially at designated queer events such as Pride. However, we cannot divorce the policing institution from its historical and continued violence against Indigenous and PoC communities, racial profiling, or inaction around our missing Indigenous women."53 It is noteworthy that both the BLM actions in Toronto and Vancouver acknowledged the movement's presence on unceded and occupied Indigenous territories (those of the Coast Salish in Vancouver and the Haudenosaunee and Mississaugas in Toronto). The local organizers reiterated the need to realize the particular forms of state and everyday violences enacted on queer and feminized Indigenous bodies. Like the protest actions in Toronto, BLM's decision to focus its energy on alternative and people of colour-led Pride events in Vancouver drew both praise and criticism.54 Whichever side of the spectrum one stood, the cracks shattered any illusion of a singular queer or LGBTQ movement in Canada. While certainly not a new phenomenon, these events rearticulated the need to apprehend and approach Black, Indigenous and racialized sexualities grounded in their particular histories and contexts.55  It is in these layered geographies that I assess the openings that locating a sexual politics that holds Filipino-ness and queerness together are allowing. In line with Jose Esteban Munoz' hope that queer theory and politics can offer opportunities to resist and push back against the stifling present of capitalism and colonialism, I hold out that the ways in which Filipinos are figuring out how to appropriately, effectively and ethically articulate the particularities of a Filipino-Canadian sexual politics present decolonial possibilities. The chapter revolves around different themes and theories on race, coloniality, and gendered sexualities. Following the work of queer and feminist 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  53 https://blacklivesmattervancouver.com/2016/07/15/open-letter-to-the-vancouver-pride-society-and-the-vancouver-police-department-from-black-lives-matter-vancouver/ 54 http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/british-columbia/controversy-over-roles-of-blm-police-rains-on-vancouver-pride-parade/article31145578/ 55 http://vancouversun.com/news/local-news/for-aboriginals-and-people-of-colour-lgbtq2-community-not-always-a-supportive-place 	  134 Indigenous theorists, I evaluate the complicities and complexities of queer Filipino sexualities and politics in the enduring structures of settler colonialism. I work through what Scott Morgensen (2011) has called settler homonationalism, a theory he puts forward to make sense of the ways in which Western queer identities in settler colonial societies simultaneously appropriate and erase indigeneity to vie for recognition by settler colonial states and cultures. I trace how Filipinos negotiate settler homonationalism as Jodi Byrd (2011) has described as "arrivants" in ways that highlight the whiteness of the technology. It is in these negotiations that we can appreciate the varied ways that a decolonial sexual politics for Filipinos in Canada can take shape. To make this argument, I work with interviews I conducted with Filipino/as who self-identify as gay, lesbian, and/or queer. All the participants I interviewed were or are actively organizing around LGBTQ issues within the Filipino community and/or in mainstream queer politics. In working with these interviews, I make note of the negotiations that Filipinos are engaging with in efforts to find a language and politics for the ways in which our sexualities are unfolding. In particular, I analyze the tensions in attempts to hold Filipino-ness and queerness together in the white settler colonial formations of Canada and the continuing influence of colonial gender and sexual paradigms from the Philippines. My analysis of these tensions is anchored in the sites of family and community wherein the ways in which Filipinos are attempting to articulate our sexualities are sometimes palpable and at other times subtle. I analyze these tensions to make the argument that Filipino/as' experience as a community of racialized and feminized labourers in a white settler colonial capitalist context informs the ways in which sexualities are approached and articulated. 5.2 Queer as White While sitting around her kitchen table, Mel ponders over the language being used to apprehend the shifting sexual identities that move between and in-between the spaces of the Philippines and Canada. She is uncomfortable identifying with the Philippine terms bakla and tomboy as the terms' rigid gendered and binary lexicon do not sit right with her. Mel grew up in Vancouver, Canada with parents born in the Philippines. It was on her travels back to her parents' birth country that she came to realize that she did not identify 	  135 as a tomboy, a female body masculinized and sexually-oriented toward a feminize straight body. While Mel does not feel that the term meant to capture a gender and sexual identity in the Philippines is one she could comfortably hold, she at the same time does not wear the more Western term queer with ease. For her, the term queer echoes of whiteness, a way of being in the world that,she explains, perpetuates normativity:  " [...] I keep coming back to what queerness even means [...] I feel like queerness is super-white [...] I always have to kind of check myself on what are the ways I understand queerness. How does it actually perpetuate a very white western way of sexuality?" Mel's uneasiness with the term queer because of its attachment to whiteness warrants further exploring. Pushing back on the whiteness of queer thought and spaces is a reoccurring starting and meeting place for the Filipino queer activists I spoke with. Katie, a second-generation Filipina in her early 20's, explains: "We weren't feeling like we had a voice. We were feeling like race and queerness were being held separately. We knew and we had lived them together for our whole lives. So we knew that they couldn't be separate and that they needed a space to grow and be seen and be nurtured as one thing. So I think we were all kind of angry at the queer community and also passionate about creating something different"  Samonte a trans identified community organizer explains their beginnings in queer activism in a similar manner: "[...] If you were a person of colour inside the queer community, your identity as a person of colour had to stay at the door almost because it was all organized by white people. [...] We had to deal with racism [...] There wasn't real space carved out for both of those identities."  Both Samonte and Katie signal a contradiction at work in queer theory and politics. Against the idea that a subject possesses some essential sexuality, queer theory has shown that sexuality is generated in overlapping fields of desire, discourse, knowledge, and power. For example, Michel Foucault writes: "It [Sexuality] is an…element in power relations endowed with the greatest instrumentality: useful for the greatest number of maneuvers and capable of serving as a point of support, as a linchpin, for the most varied 	  136 strategies" (1990: 103). Taken in this way, sexuality is a medium and means through which power maximizes the body and manages populations. As geographer Natalie Oswin (2013) has pointed out, understanding sexuality as a means by which power accesses body and life eschews a simple heterosexual versus homosexual binary or an approach that casts the heterosexual as the one wielding power versus the homosexual as the one oppressed by the heterosexual subject. In this queered approach to sexuality, heteronormativity as a normalizing regime becomes available for interrogation and disruption.  However, queer of colour, Black and Indigenous critiques have persistently argued that in queer politics, a normative subject and politics is often reinscribed. For example, Jin Haritaworn poses the question of who or what gets to be accepted as queer in their theory of queer regeneration: "It further involves asking who or what becomes legible as gay, queer and trans, and who gets run over on the intersections" (2015: 4). Samonte and Katie point out that a normative subject remains present in queer ways of knowing, seeing, and doing. The persistence of the queer white subject in queer spaces and mainstream organizing is productive. In 2012, a group of young self-identified Filipino/as came together to organize a queer people of colour dance party in the city. Eirene explains: I'd go out to certain parties, certain alternative white queer parties, it just felt a little bit weird. It felt like the space wasn't -- it felt isolating and alienating as a queer person of colour. Like going to a queer dance party, it'd be full of white people, hosted by white people, but they're playing hip hop. It's just like there's a white hip hop performer, it's just stuff that makes you feel isolated and alienated. I just felt out of place, I just felt like different queer parties or gay events weren't intended for people of colour to be at. It was suppose to be the target market is like these white gay people but nothing hosted or organized by people of colour for people of colour.  The idea of the dance party was born out of the white bodies and spaces take up queer spaces and organizing in the city. Eirene elaborates:  I think that's just it -- being queer people of colour who shared experiences and wanted the same things. Like wanting say something as simple as wanting to just have a party, a dance party just with queer people of colour -- like no one else -- just us being able to enjoy, being able to move together, move our bodies and appreciate each other and know that we're not alone and know that there's a community out there to support you. 	  137  Mel explains that because people of colour queer events are extremely rare in Vancouver, the event was met with both enthusiasm and backlash: [...] People that were in the collective and also outside the collective were like we need a space specifically for queer people of color, or that identify as such. That is why we did it. [...] We were like, "we’re going to get a lot of push back'. But we were like, 'we can handle it, whatever, maybe". And then we released the event, just a Facebook event. Actually we also made an email too and sent it out to people. It went out to all these list serves and everything. For the most part, everyone was super super happy. Ya this is finally happening!  And then, time is ticking, and its happening in a week. So weird, we’re not getting push back, what the fuck is happening?  And the all of sudden, it started coming: "Why can’t I come?  My partner, who is a queer person of color?" No, it first started out like, "my partner who is white can’t come, why not?"  And then we’d be like, ok cool, this is the community’s, the QPOC community that have been connecting with us have been saying cool, we want to do this. [...]  And there were other people that were like "this is Queer-phobic, this is racist". So much like this is racist. We’re like, "Yo I’m sorry but like, no I’m not sorry but reverse racism doesn’t actually exist. Not at all."  And so it came and came [...] a lot of white folk were deeply offended that they couldn’t be in that space.  Mel here speaks to a sense of white entitlement that the organizers of colour must negotiate. As organizers, they anticipate impending backlash that they assumed would come with their intentional efforts to de-center whiteness in a queer event. This backlash does eventually come, but only after questions about the possibility of white partners accompanying coloured bodies. This question of the possibility of white accompaniment raises the question: what happens when attempts to de-center whiteness are made?  Sara Ahmed (2006) shows how gender, race and sexuality are entangled processes that give orientations to bodies in the world in ways that allow for some bodies to take up, inhabit and extend into space. She writes: "To acquire an orientation and direction, the work of inhabitance involves orientation devices: ways of extending bodies into spaces that create new folds, or new contours of what we could call livable or inhabitable space. To come to understand how some spaces extend certain bodies and simply do not leave room for others" (ibid: 11). For Ahmed, whiteness is an orientation device around which bodies coalesce and adjust direction and desire towards. While some bodies coalesce around this device, she underscores that white bodies do not have to be oriented to whiteness 	  138 explaining: White bodies do not have to face their whiteness; they are not orientated 'toward; it, and this 'not' is what allows whiteness to cohere, as that which bodies are oriented around. By not having to encounter being white as an obstacle, given that whiteness is 'in line' with what is already given, bodies that pass as white move easily, and this motility is extended by what they move toward. The white body in this way expands; objects, tools, instruments, and even 'others' allow that body to inhabit space by extending that body and what it can reach (ibid: 132).  I suggest that the Filipino/as’ efforts to hold and create opportunities for queer people of colour to come together in celebration pushes against the extension of the whiteness. Their efforts bring into view the whiteness of queer spaces that, as Ahmed put it  "simply do not leave room for others". In attempting to create alternative lines, connections and relations, the inherent whiteness in the very notion of queer itself becomes the object that is both de-centered and desired. Katie's recollection of how members of the queer community reacted to the dance party is telling: We had immense backlash -- people were saying 'You're racist,' 'this is racist against white people, you can't do this, blah, blah, blah,' and 'We're marginalized enough as queers, we shouldn't be marginalized out of these spaces.'   The de-centering and constitutive desiring of whiteness is sharply illustrated in the comment that the queer of colour-only dance party is "Queer-phobic" and "racist". What then does it mean for an intentionally and carefully-considered queer of colour dance party to be accused of being both fearful of queer bodies and discriminatory of white bodies?  This backlash keys in on an unresolved tension in queer theory and politics that Indigenous and queer scholars of colour continue to engage with. As queers of colour and Indigenous theorists have signaled, the figure of the Western white gay male repeatedly reemerges as a central normative figure in queer theory and politics. Since the 1990's, queer scholars of colour have taken this assumed homonormative figure to task. Martin Manalansan (1995) argued that non-Western gay sexuality is only called upon to legitimize and give credence to mainstream white Western non-normative sexualities. He wrote that: "All same- sex phenomena are placed within a developmental and teleological matrix that ends with Western “gay” sexuality. Non-“gay” forms are seen as 	  139 archeological artifacts to be reckoned with only when excavating the origins of pan-cultural/pan-global homosexuality" (ibid: 428). Using Stonewall as a touchstone for the emergence of the global gay phenomena, Manalansan brings into question the ways in which knowledge is produced and whose voice counts in the making of a universal gay narrative implicit in what was being manufactured as a global gay and lesbian rights movement. Disrupting such universalizing tendencies, Jose Estban Munoz (1999) argues that through disidentification, non-dominant queer bodies use and redeploy mainstream cultural logics in ways that challenge universalizing and exclusionary devices. He writes: Disidentification is about recycling and rethinking encoded meaning. The process of disidentification scrambles and reconstructs the encoded message of a cultural text in a fashion that both exposes the encoded message’s universalizing and exclusionary machinations and recircuits its workings to account for, include, and empower minority identities and identifications. Thus, disidentification is a step further than cracking open the code of the majority; it proceeds to use this code as raw material for representing a disempowered politics or positionality that has been rendered unthinkable by the dominant culture (Munoz 1999: 31). Black and queer of colour scholars engage in theorizing against the universalizing trend of queer work in efforts to grapple with the question that E. Patrick Johnson has posed: "what is the utility of queer theory on the front lines, in the trenches, on the street, or anyplace where the racialized and sexualized body is beaten, starved, fired, cursed—indeed, where the body is the site of trauma?" (2001: 6). This question of the utility of queer theory continues to be a pressing question, one that I suggest the Filipino/as who organized the queer of colour dance party are engaged in addressing in ways that disidentify with the mainstream queer movement. There are more subtle ways in which Filipino/as are disidentifying with normative Western gender, racial and sexual logics. In what follows, I explore the ways that Filipino/a queer, gay and lesbian activists and organizers redeploy dominant logics to bring into question not only the whiteness of queer but also how the whiteness of queer operates in a settler colonial context like Canada. I argue that how activists conduct this critique highlights the pervasiveness of whiteness but also particularities of Filipino sexualities in Canada. 	  140 5.3 Holding Filipino-ness and Queerness Together: Filipino sexualities in Canada In our time together, Katie repeatedly refers to Filipino-ness. She speaks of Filipino-ness when she shares about family, intimacy, and community spaces. In one instance, she reflects on her experiences organizing community efforts with other Filipino/as on Coast Salish territories. At another moment, she shares how academic disciplinary boundaries had her thinking about her Filipino-ness and non-normative sexuality separately as an undergraduate student. Later she describes how her involvement in climate justice circles demands that her Filipino-ness be downplayed when she is told that "being Filipino doesn't matter," and one's identity as a climate justice activist is paramount. In a similar manner, in queer spaces, she shares that in her experience "race and queerness were being held separately." I do not ask her directly what she means by Filipino-ness as it did not occur for me to ask her in our conversation. But she hints at what this notion means to her when she references her family, her mother who migrated from the Philippines, her wanting to learn Tagalog and her efforts to find friendship and community with those with similiar experiences. It was from her wanting to build upon these connections that she began gathering with peers who self-identify as queer Filipino/as: I feel like in my generation, in my circle are scratching the surface about Filipino-ness and queerness in the same space. I don't think we've ever been able or had that opportunity before. And I think we've kind of just been like 'Oh hey, look at this group of people I could talk to, this is cool and interesting.' And I think we're just starting to get into that and get more meaningful and more used to talking about it.  Here, Katie describes efforts to hold Filipino-ness and queerness together, in the same space. In attempts to disengage with white queer spaces that do not allow room for "other" bodies, Katie and her peers began organizing informal gatherings around food and sharings. For Katie, these gathering spaces are opportunities to explore and articulate how queerness and Filipino-ness might come together: Because I think a lot of the things that we were talking about with the larger QTIPOC [queer, transgender, Indigenous, people of colour] group are shared experiences, experiences we thought everyone had were so broad like 'Yah, we all experience racism,' which is this huge big thing. But then a lot of the Filipinos there were like 'Oh, I want to talk about the 	  141 Philippines. I want to talk about my language, Tagalog. And I want to talk about migration. And I want to talk about the Live-in Caregiver Program. And I want to talk about these things,' and how they relate to sexuality. And I don't think that [QTIPOC] space could really hold that. The space that Katie describes, a space that might allow people to hold "Filipino-ness and queerness together" to learn language, talk about migration and the Philippines and "how they relate to sexuality," is resonant with Haritaworn's (2015) theoretical work on the queer of colour kitchen table as a site of mobilizing. Haritaworn holds out that the queer of colour kitchen table acts as a starting place for alternative futurities in the face of this moment when queer of colour spaces are disappearing and LGBT people and politics are being welcomed into the folds of imperialism, capitalism, and colonial formations. They write about the importance of the queer of colour kitchen table: LGBT expressions premised on murderous inclusions have [thus] expanded and crossed borders at an intense speed. This contrasts with the displacement and erasures that queers of colour have experienced in the wake of racism and gentrification. In this shrinking environment, the kitchen table is not only what remains, but also a good starting point to begin to tell better stories of gender and sexuality, which refuse to diversify the murderous status quo (2015: 12). At the queer of colour kitchen table, Haritaworn sees those who gather as"geographic subjects," (McKittrick 2006) whose imaginary and embodied maps can form lessons for alternative presents and futures. While offering a space to gather apart from the larger queer community, the spaces in which Filipino LGBTQ organizers are creating and gathering are also imbued with tensions. In such spaces, the sites where self-identified Filipino/a LGBTQ are gathering, Filipino-Canadian sexualities are coming into being in relation to multiple layers of power networks. Take for example, one of the founding member of Vancouver's first-ever organization for LGBTQ Filipino organization, Pinoy Pride Vancouver (PPV), reflecting on the purpose of their group:  Actually there [are] two groups that we want to be visible to -- the LGBT community in Vancouver, [...] because there’s so many activities in the LGBT community, but not specifically [for] immigrants, [...] and also the Filipino Canadian community. Because every time we socialize with the Filipino community in Canada, we’re all straight. Suddenly we change 	  142 because we’re not comfortable. Now, if we’re a group, and everybody’s like okay lets do it lets do it, there’s a push right. There’s a confidence. Tee's thoughts on the intended audience and importance of the group point to the layers of power networks in which Filipino sexualities in Canada come to be. For both the mainstream queer and Filipino community in the city, Tee suggests different sexual politics are necessary. For the "LGBT community in Vancouver," it is to fill the gap of activities for immigrants; for the Filipino-Canadian community, it is to centre non-heteronomative sexualities that challenge the assumption that "we're all straight."  The tensions that Tee's organization navigates underline the uneasiness of holding Filipino-ness and queerness together and reveal particular circumstances in which Filipino-Canadian sexualities are coming to be. It suggests that these negotiations and processes are place-based and context specific. The tensions underscore the particularities of Filipino/a sexualities in Canada and specific processes of racialization, gendering and sexualization. In what follows I explore these particularities to draw out the sexualities of Filipino/a bodies in Canada that are taking shape. Specifically I consider two nodes around which sexualities are being articulated and performed in certain ways, namely I focus on negotiations that take place with family and community. I am compelled to share two notes on the focal points I have chosen to work through. First, the topic of faith, religion and spirituality did come up numerous times in the interviews I conducted. Certainly queer Filipinos' relationship with Christianity, Catholicism, the Catholic Church, and spirituality warrants attention especially as interviewees described ambivalent and sometimes conflictual relationships with religion and the church. However, I have chosen not to study these relationships directly here as they form a subtext to negotiations that happen in families and in the community. Secondly, it is also important to note that while I treat these two areas as distinct, in the course of conversation talk about family, kin and community overlapped. Since intimacy and intimate relations run through and between them, people I spoke with did not artificially separate family from community and vice versa. That being said, for the sake of distilling how sexualities work, I chose these two different yet interrelated areas as they came up often in the course of my interviews. I pay special attention to the sexualities that revolve around these two nodes to argue that specific sexualities at these sites of negotiation route 	  143 power relations configured by colonial and settler colonial gender and racial processes. More to the point, I demonstrate at the sites of the family and community how sexual paradigms associated with dominant colonial and neocolonial gender and racial logics in the Philippines are being held together with sexual subjectivities associated with normative settler colonial racial and gender logics in Canada. In doing so, I suggest that sexualities among Filipina/os in Canada are articulated in relation to our families and community's experiences as racialized and feminized labourers. 5.3.1 Family and the Stories that Come Out The modern nuclear family as a central reproductive unit in the capitalist economy and liberal mindset, has long been troubled by feminist scholars (see Fraser 1995). The family, as a site for sexual and gender disciplining, has also long been troubled by post-colonial scholars (see Stoler 1995). Colonial-imposed gender and kinship regimes have also been interrogated by Indigenous scholars (see Wilson 2015a, 2015b, Driskill et al 2011, Wilson 2008). What runs through these critiques of "the family" are efforts to destabilize the notion of family as a fixed and natural unit. For their part, queer scholars have worked to detach the family from its heteronormative moorings to queer its seemingly natural existence. Especially in conversations about racialized or diasporic queers, such scholars have made effort to unsettle ways in which the racialized diasporic family is construed as static, traditional and inherently homophobic. To push back on this narrative, scholars such as Gayatri Gopinath (2005) and Anne-Marie Fortier (2003) play with the ways that family and home are flattened as backward monolithic spaces in queer diasporas and migrations. Fortier takes issue with the ways in which queer migrations locate "estrangement in the original home," presenting home as a monolithic repressive space from which queer subjects emerge to find their liberation in their migration to the urban Western metropole. In this framing, migration is seen as a homecoming in which the queer home is "idealized as a space of comfort and sameness," while the familial home "remains unproblematically heterosexualized and defined in terms of normative "family values" (ibid: 120). Fortier thinks that this static imaginings of a binary original/familial-queer/community home should be disrupted. She does this by reassessing the childhood home as a fluid idea that is not static in time or place. Turning 	  144 to notions of attachment, Fortier seeks to disrupt the static and essential heterosexual childhood to think about how home is conceived as a "as a contingent product of historical circumstances and discursive formations - of class, religion, ethnicity, nation - that individuals negotiate in the process of creating home. In this sense, home is never fully achieved, never fully arrived-at, even when we are in it." (ibid: 131). It is with this understanding of home and family that I think through the ways in which Filipina/os negotiate their sexualities. I attend to how these negotiations intersect with the historical circumstances and discursive formations Fortier speaks of, in which Filipino/a sexualities come into being as bodies in diaspora in Canada. These negotiations at the site of the family and home come into sharp relief in coming out stories where intimate struggles for acceptance and belonging lend themselves to think about processes and patterns of material conditions and normative logics being contended. Here I dwell on Sam's non-linear and almost mundane story of "coming out" to his family members to begin unpacking these negotiations: My sister, we were on a bus or tram, and then I told her -- I'm really close to my sisters -- and then my sister told me "Oh, I knew." It was a good feeling that my sister knew and loved me and still loves me unconditionally. And I told my other sister and they are very supportive. [M]y  brother can be very strict, I would say authoritarian. In a way for which I would never blame him because my dad died when I was 3. So he became the father of the family, he became that figure. And I was sort of afraid to tell him because he was happy when I went to the seminary. He was also in the seminary when he was my age, and then left because my father died. [...] There were lots of mixed feelings of whether I should tell him or not. In the end, I told him. I remember it was the two of us sitting in our basement and we were just having a man-to-man, heart-to-heart and I was just pouring myself out to him and crying and all that. I told him my innermost story. Because he and I, we have a 20 year gap, so we never really met eye-to-eye in a lot of ways. [...] Coming out to him -- it was a tough decision that I made but I did. I told him my situation. In the end, he just told me that "You're a professional." Because I just finished my first bachelors. I don't know if it was just a lipservice. He just told me that he's supporting me. But I still felt that he was there but not in the same sense that I felt from my sisters. But at least I told him. And then I asked my sister how to tell my mom, because my mom, you know being very traditional and all that. So my mom and I have a very interesting relationship. I love her. We dance together. We joke around all the time. So the way I told my mom was in a joking fashion. 	  145 There are certain tensions I wish to spend time following and unraveling in Sam's recollection of these particular moments with his family. Sam tracks through his process of relating to different members of his family over different spaces. Sam describes poignant affective and intimate connections with his sisters, brother, father and mother. With his sisters, he imparts that very few words needed to be spoken; with his brother his encounter is contoured by the presence of his father who has passed and words are difficult to speak; and with his mother playfulness best conveyed the support he sought from her. In all three moments, there is a palpable care with which Sam interacts with his family members and they with him. Sam's interactions with his family remind me of what another participant explained to me: that coming out is not an event but a process. Martin Manalansan (2003) theorizes the "coming out" narrative of gay Filipino men in New York in ways that are insightful to Sam's story as a touchstone for apprehending the myriad negotiations that bring Filipino/a sexualities into being in Canada. Manalansan suggests that there is often no big moment wherein a secret is revealed to make public a 'hidden' identity that was holed up in a metaphorical closet. Instead, he insists that the "feeling out" or "pakikiramdaman" of moments and encounters informs the "coming out" processes of the Filipino gay men in his project. Manalansan explains: "the loob (inner) and labas (outer) dimensions in this situation are not monolithic constructions; therefore the act of "unfurling" does not actually reveal a secret self but rather an unfelt or unapprehended presence" (ibid: 28). He describes how the gay men and women he worked with often described situations in which they did not need to reveal or disclose their gay or lesbian identities in their families as either the language escaped them or moments did not require spoken words or language. To underscore the significance of these "feeling out" processes, Manalansan writes: "Here, silence stands in sharp contrast to the kinds of discursive norms of coming out" (ibid: 30)". Instead of public pronouncements or "pride'"as associated with Western homonormative ways, he demonstrates how the Filipino gay man negotiates family not through the notion of the closet but through their own articulations in relation to the spaces they find themselves. With this point, Manalansan pushes forward his larger project meant to highlight the ways in which global and transnational processes play out in the diasporic queer subject's everyday negotiations and engagements with 'America". 	  146 5.3.1.1"Feeling Out" in Racialized Families That Labour Like Manalansan's informants, self-identified queer Filipinos I interviewed in Vancouver shared similar stories wherein "feeling out" with family did not follow a "coming out" story that involved self-confession or proclamation. Here, Maritess shares a "feeling out" moment with her family in the Philippines: [...] Ever since I was in high school my mom and dad would see me bring home my girlfriend -- I'd bring my girlfriend to family events. So I guess more-or-less they know. But in my case they really didn't ask me. I'd get gifts or my girlfriend picks me up and I'm always at their house -- so more-or-less they were like 'Okay, I guess that's what she likes.' But if they ask me I would of course tell them. My mom and dad, they didn't have to ask me. The "feeling out" with family continues to unfold after migrating to Canada. Here Virglio, speaks of this ongoing process of apprehending the "unapprehended presences" that Manalansan (ibid) describes in the family dynamics he negotiated after moving from the Philippines and continuing a non-normative relationship with a man in the Philippines: [...] We just don’t discuss those kind of things. They would tell me, they would tell me, or they would say their opinion, they would give me their opinion about things like, okay you shouldn’t be sending money to the Philippines to this guy, but they won’t, we won’t talk openly about the relationship or what’s going on. It’s, yeah, it’s just not possible [...]. They love me and they accept me, but we just don’t deal with those, we just sweep them under the rug and just hopefully things just take care of. The impetus, to paraphrase Virglio, to have "things just taken care of" through silences is productive in family negotiations, and this productivity cannot be easily disentangled from the process of transnational migration and the Filipino/a's place in Canada as labourers. The people I interviewed engaged with their families around issues of gender and sexuality in ways that show consideration for the trials their families have undergone with migration and their class positions in Canada. Melanie elaborates: [...] I know that my parents are disappointed a bit, but at the same time they’re coming to an understanding that this is who we are. They’re going to have to love us because this is who we are. Its also interesting because 	  147 we wouldn’t have been the people we are to be able to feel comfortable [...] [with] who we are as people and talk about social justice. Because my parents made such a big effort for me and my brother to not have to worry about money. They never ever wanted us to know that we grew up poor. They never wanted us to have us living in the shadows, of living in the cycle of poverty. And what that has translated into is feeling completely liberated, feeling we can do it. That’s because my parents worked so hard. "Sorry mom and dad, but its kinda your fault", and I appreciate it so much. [...] Its also interesting because they understand success is what queerness is not. Because they are also really scared that I’m not going to be successful because I’m not playing into those usual roles of what a woman is. So they’re really scared that, I dropped out of university. I dropped out. [...] . But my parents being like 'Oh my god, you’re queer and you dropped out.' The dream, everything that we worked for, everything we left behind has basically been they feel has been flushed down the toilet. The responsibility and accountability to the migrant and racialized family structures how the "feeling out" process continues to unfold in Canada. I read this accountability not as a universal heteronormative tool that silences or forecloses non-normative desires or relationships, but rather as condition that facilitates the sexualities particular to the Filipino/a experience in Canada. Keen to the intersecting ways that power works, Melanie's, parents' worry over money and the future financial security for their children is tied to sexuality, implying that a queer way of being might threaten future employment opportunities. The tethering of sexuality and class came up in Sam's recollection of when he told his brother that is gay, to which he simply responded "You're a professional."  I emphasize these relationships being drawn between class and sexuality because I think that it does something in the ways that queer Filipino/as navigate their family lives. Consider Liwanag's reasoning for why she thinks she felt compelled to focus on family needs and relations growing up: I wasn't really open with my parents when I came here because we were having this -- I feel like I'm not connected to my mom especially. Because she was here and then suddenly we came here and then we have other issues too -- finding jobs, living in a small apartment together, what are we going to do after school -- we come home there's nobody, what are we going to do? We just watched TV, we hung out places -- so those are other issues -- so I think my mom and my dad worried more about my brother and sister because of what were they going to do if they got pregnant. They were so poor then. We lived in a one-bedroom apartment for 5 people. There's no way we were supposed to think about love then -- we were told 'think of the future first’. 	  148 Katie, for example, reflects first on her family's migration to and experience of work in Canada and then later ruminates on the nuances of engaging with Filipino families: The majority of my aunts and uncles were doing domestic work when they came over here. Some of them were sponsored, some of them were too old to be sponsored, so they got here through other means. My mother, she was sponsored, she also did domestic work for a little while. She was training to be a physio at the time and then when she came, they didn't recognize her and all of her schooling so she had to do all this other crap, like all this other work to get recognized. So she did domestic work for a number of years while she was getting the requirements so she could practice here. [...] I'm not the first out cousin like to bring a partner. So I never had a sit down talk with my larger family. And even now, we have a gift exchange and my tita [auntie] would be like 'Oh, this is for your friend.' Even in full knowledge that she's my partner but not really having language around that. Katie talks through the nuances of "feeling out" in the context of a Filipino migrant family. She implies that there is no overbearing will to confess or explain her queer relationships to her immediate and wider family after sharing about the migration experience of her mother and families as racialized and feminized labourers. Perhaps more to the point, Eirene holds the migration experience of her parents and labour in tandem with how she navigates her family: Sometimes I see it in my dad, sometimes I see it in male relatives where they're just tired, they feel like they can't do anything -- they feel like the can't communicate emotions, they don't feel empowered. But someone's gotta pick up the work, someone's gotta do something. So it falls on the backs of the women. [...] How do you explain anti-oppression to your uncle or to your cousin, right? It's just something we don't think about.  [...] May: How do you relate? Like what kind of language is used to -- or is there a language to relate to each other around this topic? Eirene: It's actually pretty normal. Like they call her a friend but I think all my relatives know or will know a person is my partner or my girlfriend but they just say friend or something. I don't know why. [...] I think it's 	  149 different -- some relatives are more open than others. But not that I think that they're homophobic or anything -- I just think it's something they don't encounter all the time, it's a first for them but they just are accepting. Like I'm not going to change. And they know me, and me bringing partners over to family events is just me being open and honest with them about my life. I mean that's all they need to know -- that's kind of the extent that I know them. Say for example my cousin brings her husband to dinner, you know that's fine, I'm not about to get down and deep about their relationship. I think Filipinos are, at the end of the day, are really very very open-minded people and are very caring about people. They really care about people in general that if someone is queer and a good person -- then what's the problem, right. We're just able to look past that and focus on what brings us together -- we're all laughing together, eating dinner together, or enjoying a concert. So I think Filipinos have power to do that. What I hear in Katie and Eirene's talk of family and sexuality is the context of and the accountability they sense to the particular situations and material realities of their families as immigrants and as feminized labourers. For one, both Katie and Eirene speak of the feminized labour of their families. Katie directly points to the domestic care work members of her mother, aunts and uncle perform. Eirene gestures to the queer nature of her family in relation to labour explaining "[...] I see it in male relatives [...] they don't feel empowered. But someone's gotta pick up the work, someone's gotta do something. So it falls on the backs of the women."  I note the queered relationship of the Filipino diasporic household that Eirene observes. This is a similar observation of scholars of the Philippine diaspora who have researched and remarked on the changed character that has come with labour migration wherein the Filipina women becomes the principal breadwinner of the family effectively changing gender roles, responsibilities and relations (see Bonifacio 2013, Guevarra 2009, Parreñas 2005, Pratt 2004). I suggest that in this set-up poignantly phrased by Eirene as disempowered male members of the family alongside women who "pick up the work," the particularities of Filipino/a sexualities in Canada are being brought into being. Manalansan (ibid) argues that the "unfurling" process of Filipino gay immigrants in the United States reflects the queer migrant's engagement and negotiations with America in a context where the dominant homonormative narrative is centered on the "closet" from where one "comes out". Filipinos in Canada seem to likewise share a similar negotiation process wherein there tends to be performative and non-verbal processes of relating with family over non-normative gendered sexualities. 	  150  Building on and away from Manalansan's argument, I suggest that Filipinos perform these acts of unfurling or "feeling out" with their families’ class bearings and feminization in mind as they negotiate Canada. Recall Eirene's question "How do you explain anti-oppression to your uncle or to your cousin, right?" immediately after she reflects on the disempowered position of Filipino cisgendered men and the work that women must perform. With this question, Eirene suggests that the Filipino family finds itself, as Katie put it, "not really having language around that," with "that" being non-normative gendered sexualities. This inability to explain does not prompt an incentive to force language onto their respective "unfurling" processes; instead much like Manalansan's findings of gay Filipino men in America, Filipinos in Canada navigate their families and non-normative gendered sexualities in mundane ways. For Katie, the act of gift-giving by her family to her partner apprehends their queer relationship in productive ways. For Eirene, the act of bringing her partner to family gatherings without the need to explain because such repeated acts are "all they need to know," is done to, as they put it, "focus on what brings us together."  I hold out that while the Filipino gay men in Manalansan's research "unfurl" and "feel out" their families in similar ways, white capitalist and normative processes scaffold the Filipino family into modes of survival in Canada as assemblages of low-waged feminized and racialized labour. The already queered Filipino family in Canada – in which traditional norms of femininity and masculinity are already disrupted -- conditions the lack of language around non-normative gendered sexualities and their "feeling out" processes. It is important to note the ambivalence knitted into this process of "feeling out" or "unfurling" with the feminized or queer Filipino/a working class family in Canada. I do not mean to suggest that the Filipino/a working class family is wholly repressive and conditions the silencing and suppression of non-normative desires and relationships. Instead, a close tracing of our "coming out" routines suggests both an unfolding of an interior that is already an extension of the self and already in relation with others.56 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  56 I follow here the notion of loob (literally translated as 'inside') that Manalansan (ibid) uses to understand the coming out processes of Filipino gay men in New York.  In my interpretation, following Virgilio Enriquez (1986), I understand loob and kapwa to be intimately connected. Since loob has been mobilized in colonial projects in the Philippines beginning with Spain in the concept of utang ng loob (debt of gratitude), Enriquez turns to the idea of kapwa to make sense of its meaning.  He demonstrates that the English equivalent of kapwa as "other" (opposite to self) does not hold the same meaning in Tagalog, where kapwa 	  151  My assessment of the "coming out" or "unfurling" processes of non-normative gendered sexualities with the Filipino/a family in Canada is made particularly stark when the "feeling out" process comes into closer proximity with whiteness. Aileen Moreton-Robinson (2015) explains that settler colonial nation-states operationalize patriarchal white sovereignty by constructing the nation as a white possession. Writing from Australia, she argues that white possession lies at the core of settler colonial states, wherein: [Under a] white anglicized legal regime, Indigenous people are homeless and out of place because the hybrid of settlement, which now exists in common law, continues the legal fiction of terra nullius by positioning us as trespassers. Who belongs, and the degree of that belonging, is inextricably tied to white possession."  (2015: 17-18)  Following Moreton-Robinson who here helps to clarify the racialized immigrant's position in relation to the possession of Indigenous lands and displacement of Indigenous sovereignty, I argue that the whiteness queer Filipina/os negotiate in Canada is entrenched in the nation's settler colonial present. As Sara Ahmed (2007) explains, whiteness is a vector of power: "Whiteness could be described as an ongoing and unfinished history, which orientates bodies in specific directions, affecting how they ‘take up’ space" (150). Put differently, whiteness is an effect of a racializing normative logic and power structure that carries with it material effects on bodies racialized as not white. Following this line of thought, the feminized queered working class Filipino and the ways in which sexualities are being negotiated within these formations can also be apprehended in relation to whiteness. I attend to whiteness in the ways that Ahmed describes: as a normative centre around which specific bodies gather, are oriented and "take up" space. The "unfurling" stories I have just described take a turn when in closer proximity to whiteness or in white presence. Liwanag's negotiation with her parents in the presence and proximity of whiteness is particularly telling: My parents never asked me about that. Like I was thinking 'you never ask me anything.' You know what? I only came out to my parents 5 years ago. Because I was in a relationship with someone. And of course my parents knew -- we were together -- it's obvious. Of course, I invite my parents for 	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  	  typifies the unity of "self" and "others", or as Enriquez puts it: "kapwa is the recognition of shared identity" (ibid: 17).  From this definition of kapwa, he distinguishes loob as the "interior aspect of kapwa". 	  152 dinner and obviously, there's only 1 bedroom and you know, I don't make drama around it. I don't set up another bedroom in the living room when they come. It's my place, they come, they come. When I go to my parents place, I bring her -- obviously. How come I always bring her? So, obviously, we're together. My parents come over and then they're chill about it, they don't even ask anything when it's obvious that we have one bedroom together. We live together. Nobody else lives with us. When I go to family dinners, I bring her. It came to the point that she said to me 'I hate pretending that we're just roommates, I want you to tell your parents that we're together.' And I was telling her 'They know -- don't worry, they know.' She asked me 'Why, why are you not doing this?' Somehow my love is tested because I'm not coming out to my parents. I was, in my mind 'Okay, well isn't it obvious that you're the only one that I always bring to family dinners.' And these are family dinners -- you know, like Christmas, my siblings' birthdays, my dad's birthday, my mom's birthday -- they know we live together. That's not enough for her. She's non-Filipino. And I was thinking 'Why does it matter so much?' They know we're living a life together, just let it be as they let it be. My mom is not calling me saying 'I know you're with someone there, you only have one bedroom.' My parents don't even ask 'Where's your bed? Why don't you have your own bed?' My parents never asked that. But I was in a relationship with this girl, she was demanding that she wants to talk with my parents to tell them we're together. It's not enough for her that they know -- there's no drama about it. There was nothing to be worried about. I told her they already know. They come here, they don't treat her differently. [...] When we go to my parents' house, they give her a plate for food. It's not like 'I know you're with my daughter,' or 'You're a bad influence on my daughter.' No. My parents were like 'Eat, eat, eat,' they were really putting the fork and spoon 'Eat, eat. Have this, have that.' Following Liwanag's story of how she came to "come out" to her parents, she moves back-and-forth between confusion, conviction, disbelief, and confrontation as her body and her family as a body are oriented to whiteness. Liwanag insists that in her and her parents' repeated performances of bringing her partner to family gatherings, inviting her parents to her and her partners' one-bedroom and one-bed home, and her parents' efforts to welcome her partner at the dinner table, her queerness is acknowledged and accepted, fitting into the folds of her family in an easy manner. In contrast, Liwanag's white partner insists that she "hates pretending" that they are "just roommates". Failing to grasp the relational "unfurling" performances between Liwanag and her parents and the possibility that they may apprehend the idea of "roommates" in more intimate ways than her partner 	  153 is willing to comprehend, it is as if Liwanag is caught between two different worlds. In one way of being together, her queer love is apprehended through acts that imply acknowledgment of her partnership, and in another way of being together, her queer love is measured on a scale weighted by her unwillingness to tell her parents. Recall Liwanag's reflection that "Somehow my love is tested because I'm not coming out to my parents," signaling the sense of obligation she felt to her partner. In the end, Liwanag did tell her parents in a "coming out" event familiar in Western queer narratives. She recalls here how she shared this news with her partner and her partner's response: I said 'I told them, they're cool with it.' She said, 'You see, there's nothing to be worried about.' She said that to me. And I said in the first place, I wasn't really worried. I'm more worried that I'm not loving her enough. I'm not worried that they're going to disown me or anything, it never came to my mind. [...] I knew I didn't have to do that.  The misapprehension that Liwanag's worry lay in the possible negative reaction of her parents to her confession is interesting. The trouble and anxiety over 'coming out' to her parents did not lie in her relationship with her parents and their response but rather in the judgment of her partner. The miscue signals different workings in the logic of whiteness. As "an unfinished history, which orientates bodies in specific directions, affecting how they "take up space" (Ahmed 2007: 150), her partner's body is oriented along a particular queer coming out narrative and her body takes up space in Liwanag's 'feeling out' process with her family. I realize that there are multiple coming out stories in the coming into being of Filipina/o sexualities in Canada. Certainly among the people I interviewed, whiteness (in the form of a white partner or parent) was not as directly sensed and present as was in Liwanag's negotiations with her family. However, what I want to stress in thinking about whiteness as a normative logic is that Filipino sexualities in Canada cannot be easily disentangled from the ways in which whiteness is re-centered and reified in this context. In Canada, where racial logics are routed through liberal colour-blind notions captured in tropes like multiculturalism, the queer racialized subject cannot escape negotiating whiteness. For example, in John Paul Catungal's (2013) study of ethno-specific AIDS organizations in Toronto, he found that racialized organizations comply to white liberal logics in order to provide necessary services while at the same time producing alternative spaces and approaches to health. While white bodies might not 	  154 always be present in our negotiations and encounters with family, recall that whiteness and racial logic are foundational to Canada's settler colonial capitalist foundations.  5.3.2 Community and Kin Gary is a middle-aged self-identified Filipino gay man who migrated to Canada as a child with his family. Our conversation starts with his relationship with his family and kin over different spaces and the different gendered and sexual paradigms he navigates when he is in the Philippines and when he is in Canada. Gary explains that in the Philippines, he rejects the label bakla as it is associated with feminine cisgendered men attracted to heterosexual cisgendered men. Interestingly in Canada, he shares that he is more open to deploy the label depending on the circumstances he finds himself in. While the label bakla can comfortably hold the feminine and masculine together for Gary who imparts that he is comfortable being bakla in his intimate relationships, he is bothered by how the term is used by the Filipino community in Vancouver to read him. Gary describes the following encounter: When I went to one of our [Filipino] organizations, when I did a workshop in regards to homophobia, the elders of that group really conveyed to each other "This Gary, is not bakla."  For them, their perception of bakla was something from the palenke [market place] who is very flamboyant, who is very loud and obnoxious and probably a hair dresser. They didn't expect me to be someone who is used to corporate Canada who can convey a message very clearly and be able to break some old stigmas that they lived in. They believ[ed] that I wasn't bakla. They said 'Gary's not bakla,' and someone had to fight with them and argue with them 'No, Gary's bakla.' But you know what? That was the funniest thing. This happened a year ago -- it was very recent. That really opened my mind again that there are old thinking and old beliefs lingering through our Canadian community. In this community space, Gary is not read as bakla. He does not fit the bakla subject associated with dominant sexual, gender and class paradigms in the Philippines. In this rendering, the bakla is simultaneously an effeminized, gay male, lower-class subject prone to forlorn relationships with heterosexual masculinized men (see Diaz 2015, Fajardo 2010, Manalansan 2003). The simultaneous gendering and sexualization of the bakla is aligned along this axis that seemingly keeps its form in migration to Canada. As 	  155 Manalansan gleans from his study of Filipino bakla formations in New York: "bakla is not a premodern antecedent to gay but rather, in diasporic spaces, bakla is recuperated and becomes an alternative form of modernity” (2003: 21). There is thus room to wonder what forms of modernity Filipino sexualities in Canada express. I believe that while seemingly keeping its form, queer Filipino sexualities nonetheless press against normative notions of the white gay male identity and the successful immigrant in Canada. Reconsider Gary's assessment that "They didn't expect me to be someone who is used to corporate Canada who can convey a message very clearly. [...] They believ[ed] I wasn't bakla," signaling that the bakla identity in Canada, while recuperated, takes on a new form as a successful and articulate Canadian. In what ways then do negotiations with kin and community enunciate how queer Filipino subjectivities are being recuperated and redefined in Canada?  Ligaya's experience with Filipino community organizations in Vancouver is helpful in attending to this question. She shares an interaction she experienced while in a community meeting: We're having this meeting and there was this joke that was made like "Do you have love in your life?" In that moment all I could see of the person asking the question was her cross necklace and I was like "Yah."  And they were like "Woo, boyfriend," or something and I just didn't answer it. But that always comes up in my head, I see the cross necklace and feeling silenced. I just don't feel like it doesn't have a place in that type of organizing and it makes me feel down. I had this conversation [...] and she was talking about identity politics and how [they] don't deal with body or identity politics along those lines. And even the queer -- she brought up how it's not at all like the queer activists' spheres -- and I found such a dissonance because I'm in that [Filipino] community and I'm in the queer community. So it felt weird. And I do see them as connected. I don't see them as completely separate. Much like queer Filipino organizers' experiences in queer spaces in the city, there is a sense that issues and experiences are being held separately -- Filipino-ness and queerness are held apart. In the case of this particular Filipino community space, Filipino-ness and queerness are also being held apart when Ligaya is told that Filipino organizations are "not at all like the queer activists' spheres."  Reduced to a matter of identity politics, the issues of LGBTQ Filipinos are understood as a singular issue, separate from the issues 	  156 deemed to make up the substance of what a Filipino progressive politics is in Canada. For Liwanag the partitioning of sexuality, race and class politics punctuated her organizing experience with migrant domestic workers: They [migrant workers] don't know who I really am, they don't know I'm gay. They always just assume. They just tease me about who’s my crush. "Do I have a boyfriend now? I just saw you last week."  [...] I just can't be open about it. I remember. I cried about it [...] too because it feels like they're not going to accept me. Most of these migrant workers have children back in the Philippines, sons mostly. They would show me their pictures all the time, how cute their sons are, and how they would ask me to message their son, saying "My son would like you. I want you to meet my son." Like trying to match making me with their sons like "You're a good girl." They said I cared for the community and I'm a simple girl, I cook, I do this, so they think I'm a good girl and they want me to meet their sons. What would I say? I was like I can't entertain that, so I would just look. But it was hard for me to open up to them that I don't actually go for guys. [...] Do you think that they'll care for me if they found out I'm gay? I had to make it clear to them. You know what? That's why I'm keeping my own space because they have to understand that I'm not the perfect kid that they can match with their sons. The woman that they think that I am. What if I'm organizing and suddenly they found out that I'm gay, what are they going to do? Are they going to think that I lied to them because I didn't tell them these things? How would I say these things then? I know it will affect them because I just heard migrant workers talking to their children about her daughter hooking up with another girl and the words are really offensive -- me being beside her hearing that. This sentiment that sexuality is a secondary and not constitutive part of the Filipino/a experience in Canada is sticky point over which the city's only Filipino LBGTQ organization is keenly aware of. Recall, Maritess' observation shared earlier, that "every time we socialize with the Filipino community in Canada, we’re all straight. Suddenly we change because we’re not comfortable."  The downplaying of sexuality as an issue specific only to LGBTQ members of the Filipino community is one that PPV struggles with. To deal with the artificial separation that holds Filipino-ness and queerness apart, the group strives to create visibility for LGBTQ Filipino members in order to demonstrate how we are part of the community. Maritess expounds: 	  157 Like people, our kababayans [countrymen/folk] don't really talk about it, so we always find -- me personally I want to highlight Filipino-Canadian LGBTQ who are successful. [...] We're always pushing for acceptance, for tolerance and acceptance. We have to promote that. It's a fact now that you will know someone, your friend or your aunt is gay. [...] I guess it's part of being honest with yourself. For example, you do dealings with the community, it's also a plus that you let them know who you are like you're a lesbian so it's important when you deal with them that they know, that you're not hiding it. Because you're going to -- for example you ask for support for an event -- you have to [be] honest that you're coming to them as an LGBT member also. It's always in our letters and in our dealings. We always let people know that this is an LGBTQ group. As part of the PPV's efforts to show that queer Filipinos are part of the community, Gary adds that part of the group's message is that LGBTQ-identifying Filipinos are themselves diverse: Some are in retail, some are in the food industry, some in finance, professionals, in health care -- very diverse. It's really cool, the reason why because we've always been diverse, we've just never been visible. And that's what's been shifting -- the visibility that the Filipino queer community is very diverse.  The drive to highlight LGBTQ Filipinos in the community and efforts to showcase and not hide and to "let them know [...] you're a lesbian" is an interesting move to tether queerness and Filipino-ness together using the language of diversity and acceptance as a rope to gain the recognition from the larger Filipino community. The sort of politics, a politics of visibility as a form of participation in Western liberal democracies, is the dominant form of politics that has taken shape among Filipino-Canadians. Philip Kelly (2012) argues that that the political actions of Filipino/as in Canada tend to coalesce around struggles for citizenship rights. He argues that because Filipinos in Canada cast the class structure in the Philippines as rigid with limited opportunities for upward mobility because upper class privileges are closely guarded, Canada, on the other hand, is perceived as a more liberal space wherein such privileges associated with upper classes in the Philippines are universal attainable rights of its citizens. Therefore, Kelly argues that 	  158 since the majority of Filipino/as migrate to Canada for the economic opportunities temporary foreign worker programs like the Live-in Caregiver Program offer, Filipino-Canadian politics have been framed around questions of citizenship and entitlement and citizenship rights are sought from the Canadian state. Bonnie McElhinny, Lisa Davidson, John Paul Catungal, Ethel Tungoha and Roland Coloma (2012) make a similar assessment of dominant Filipino-Canadian scholarship and politics arguing that much of its discourse is wrapped up in questions of assimilation and settlement -- questions bounded by the rubric of the Canadian nation-state. In these questions, the issue of diversity and evocations of multiculturalism to squeeze out entitlements such as permanent residency, access to health care, housing, and rightful wages are used to perform eligibility to the Canadian nation-state and membership in its multicultural mosaic.  This sort of normative politics is a vexed one for the queer racialized subject in Western liberal democracies, as Jasbir Puar (2007) argues in her theory of homonationalism. Writing from the United States, she forwards homonationalism as a way to understand processes that reify the United States as exceptional as it moves to fold under its blanket of liberal democracy certain homosexual subjects, while securing firmly its Other -- the repressed, backward and sexually perverse figure. Allowing certain queer subjects into its fold, America is then able to display its exceptionalism as an arbiter of democracy and acceptance to justify its imperialist exploits in spaces deemed repressive and perverse. She believes that through sexual exceptionalism and queer regulatory mechanisms, the exceptional ethnic gains currency and meaning through its incorporation in U.S. exceptionalism. This move serves to recentre and reify queer whiteness as the normative centre. As Puar puts it: The ascendency of whiteness, rendering both disciplinary subjects and population norms, is not strictly delimited to white subjects, though it bound to multiculturalism as defined and deployed by whiteness. The ethnic aids the project of whiteness through his or her participation in global economic privileges that then fraction him or her away from racial alliances that would call for cross-class affinities (2007: 31)  The exceptional ethnic therefore helps to repeatedly cohere whiteness as a queer norm and straightness as a racial norm. Puar's framing is helpful in pointing out the tensions 	  159 that the Filipino queer subject navigates in Canada as we engage with the Filipino/a community whose politics are dominantly framed in multicultural language, liberal politics, and citizenship and entitlement rights.  When we engage in efforts to showcase our diversity and success as queer-identifying members of the Filipino community, we do so in tandem with the larger Filipino community's efforts to be eligible and rightful citizens of the Canadian nation-state. Filipino/a queer negotiations in community spaces are conditioned by liberal multicultural modes that compartmentalize bodies along ethno-specific lines recognized only as special interest groupings. As Bonita Lawrence and Eniska Dua (2005) have pointed out, what gets lost in these struggles for equality in this framework is the responsibility to apprehend ongoing settler colonial violence and to recognize the liberal rights' frameworks role in dispossessing and disappearing Indigenous peoples. In a liberal-pluralist framework, Indigenous struggles are taken up as special interests that must be balanced with the interests of other Canadian citizens, violently ignoring the notion of nationhood that they argue lies at the heart of Indigenous struggles for decolonization. Lawrence and Dua ask that non-Indigenous racialized subjects in settler colonial contexts reconsider the dangerous politics that asks us to vie for acceptance and belonging in settler colonial states. For the queer subject in settler colonial contexts, Scott Morgensen (2010) reworks Puar's notion of homonationalism. He demonstrates how queer claims to citizenship not only reify Western exceptionalism and imperial projects, but more fundamentally, such politics shore up continuing settler colonial logics. He maintains that non-Native "articulations of queer identity" in North America appropriates indigeneity at the same time as it erases Indigenous peoples. In his words, settler homonationalism is "the product of a biopolitical relationship between the sexual colonization of Native peoples and the normative settler formation of modern queer projects in the United States" (ibid: 107). From this understanding of the coming into being of the normative queer modern subject in America, Morgensen argues that dominant queer politics desiring inclusion into projects of the state naturalizes settlement.  What I am trying to draw out in bringing together how queer Filipino/as in Canada relate with and negotiate the politics of citizenship espoused by Filipinos in Canada alongside critiques of homonationalism is to underscore the Filipino queer 	  160 subjects position in Canada in relation to settler colonialism. While Morgensen concedes that queers of colour have for a long time been marginal to white queer normative claims to cultural citizenship, he argues that queers of colour have nonetheless found affinity with white queer movements saying: "But over time non-Natives were able to form shared identities and movements to claim modern sexual citizenship in the settler state" (ibid: 106). Elsewhere, he explains how non-white, non-Native or diasporic racialized subjects are differently positioned in settler colonial relations but are nonetheless implicated in settler logics most especially pronounced when: "[...] they confront queer differences as racial or diasporic in a manner that sustains Native disappearance" (2011: 3). I do not refute Morgensen's assessment here that queers of colour participate in efforts to be part of white settler colonial building projects and are hence wrapped up in ongoing efforts to dispossess and disappear Indigenous peoples. This to me is in line with the calls of Indigenous communities and scholars to center the ongoing violent logics of setter colonial formations in political projects (see Hunt 2016, Coulthard 2014, Simpson 2014, Finley 2011, Driskill et al. 2010). However, what I want to dwell on is Morgensen's judgment that seems to imply a natural relationship between the white queer subject and the racial or diasporic one. When he writes that queers of colour "confront queer differences as racial or diasporic [...]" (2011: 3), Morgensen intimates that differences among queers are based on race and the phenomenon of diaspora. For one, this assessment slides over the possibility that race and sexuality are co-constituted in fields of power with different material effects on differently situated bodies. Secondly, as I have tried to show in how queer Filipino/as negotiate their relationships in the Filipino community, the relationship with queerness and Filipino-ness is not a comfortable or easy one but rather shows the persistence and power of white racializing and heteropatriarchal logics. The dominant politics of citizenship espoused by the Filipino community in Canada in which queer Filipino organizers participate in is not one that has formed simply over time when "non-Natives were able to form shared identities and movements" (Morgensen 2010: 106). Rather, this normative formulation of politics as one based on identity or special interest in a multicultural framework is the work of white settler colonialism. As Jennifer Simpson, Carl James and Johnny Mack (2011) write about multiculturalism's role in colonialism: "The primary work of multiculturalism is to 	  161 systematically deny, reject, and minimize the need for an anti-colonial approach" (287). I understand this statement to mean that multiculturalism itself is a product of colonialism to displace settler colonialism as fundamental to Canada's nation-building project. I do not intend to imply that the queer Filipino engaged in a normative politics of citizenship is therefore somehow absolved from the responsibility of ongoing expropriation of Indigenous lands and bodies. Instead, I want to underscore as what Jodi Byrd (2011) might call "arrivants" and as people of colour, Filipino/as in Canada are simultaneously marginalized by and invited into Canada's white settler nationalist project as citizens (Lawrence and Dua 2005). I suggest that this invitation is vexed for queer Filipino/as in Canada who negotiate ways to hold Filipino-ness and queerness together in the limited spaces offered by Canadian liberal politics. In what follows I explore the ways in which Filipina/os in Canada are locating a language and politics that are holding Filipino-ness and queerness together in ways that are cognizant of the ongoing white settler nationalist project. 5.4 The Decolonial Possibilities of a Filipina/o sexual politics on Unceded Coast Salish Territories Caught between colonial gender and sexual paradigms formed in the Philippines'  multiple encounters with the West and the racialized, gendered and sexual matrix of white heteropatriarchy foundational to Canada' nation-building project, the Filipina/o queer subject navigates the family and community in ways that show how sexuality is routed through logics holding these systems together. The routing of sexuality through these different normative logics that are anchored in the Philippines and Canada is bringing into being particular racialized, gendered and sexual subjectivities for the body that migrates to, labours, and takes up residency and citizenship in Canada. Within these overlapping vectors of power in the different neo-colonial context of the Philippines and settler colonial context of Canada, I hold out that decolonial possibilities are being mapped by Filipina/os engaged in locating a sexual politics for Filipino/as on the unceded territories of the Coast Salish peoples. I believe that such acts point to decolonial ways of being and building together that are responsible to the reality that as racialized and diasporic subjects, the Filipino/a queer subject is living on stolen lands and is wrapped up 	  162 in the ongoing efforts to dispossess, displace and disappear Indigenous peoples, their lands, and their ways of governance and being. In a critique of queer of colour scholarship also known as "new queer studies", Cherokee scholar Qwo-Li Driskill (2010) shares: "Our [Two-Spirit scholarship's] disappointment lies in the recognition of an old story within 'the new queer studies': Native people, Native histories, and ongoing colonial projects happening on our lands are included only marginally, when included at all" (70). With this pointed statement, Driskill challenges queer of colour scholarship in the United States and Canada to realize "exactly on whose land it is built" (ibid: 71). They challenge us to go beyond simply citing Indigenous scholarship but to think seriously about on whose lands we theorize, and more fundamentally "to shift [its] critiques in order to include a consciousness about the ongoing colonial reality in which all of us living in settler-colonial states are entrenched" (ibid: 71). For some of the queer Filipina/os I interviewed on the unceded territories of the Musqueam, Skxwú7mesh, and Tsleil-Waututh, there is a realization that this work must happen as we attempt to locate a sexual politics for Filipino/as in Canada. I see such a politics unfolding at two particular sites in intimate ways. Firstly, in the language being created to articulate the ways in which our sexualities are brought into being between the Philippines and Canada. Secondly, in the everyday and intimate ways that queer Filipina/os are attempting to build community and relationships with other queer Filipino/as, in the Filipino community, and with Indigenous peoples and communities on whose lands and territories this work is taking place.  In their attempts to figure out how a Filipina/o sexual politics is taking shape in Canada, narratives move back-and-forth between the Philippines and Canada and the historical and contemporary colonialisms that contour these experiences. Take for example, Alvin's reflections on the work of colonialism over time and space: It’s about colonialism. But colonialism in so many perspectives which I am still processing this moment. It’s a vast vast complex issue, but I wanted to really kind of tackle it because there was a call for it, and I’m learning a lot of the gaps that I didn’t really access as a young child because I was an immigrant. I left the Philippines, I came here, so that route kind of sort of dismantled, because I have to restage my life in the Western world, you know, so I have to learn the history of Canada for gods sake. So in comparison to the Philippines, knowing that such a huge 	  163 part of my life. [...] That’s where my body is, is to be colonized and decolonize, in so many ways, and you know colonialism is so much more relevant more than ever in the Philippines, because we have such a thing called modern colonialism. So, you know, it’s not armies bombarding cities but Starbucks and McDonalds and [laughs] among other economic issues that is really kind of ingrained into the society. So, there’s a lot of that aspect that is kind of silently killing the notion of the spirit I guess of the people. So, anyways, it’s very complex. It’s very complex and my duty is really to find my context [...]. If you really look at carefully colonialism in this province and this city and it’s right in our back yard. To this day, they’re [Indigenous people] fighting for their own lands, so it’s kind of ridiculous when you think of it, so during that time when I was working with several artists, Aboriginal artists, we talked a lot about this and that became kind of a sense of belonging for us, because we had that similarities and we talked a lot about the hardship of what that is. But I was really not able to articulate it because I was so young when I immigrated to Canada, so I couldn’t really specify and tell them exactly what happened. With these thoughts, Alvin points to some starting points that I would like to work with in moving through the ways that queer Filipina/os are attempting to locate a politics responsible to as Driskill put it "ongoing colonial reality in which all of us living in settler-colonial states are entrenched" (2010: 71). Alvin speaks of a disconnection he senses to the Philippines because of his family's migration that has a left for him gap. He links this gap to colonialism and the complex ways it works in the Philippines, pointing specifically to its neo-colonial present in the form of foreign monopoly capitalism that permeates the everyday. He ends his thoughts on the Philippines thinking about what he calls his "duty to find [his] context. His thoughts then turn to "our back yard," where he has learned from the Indigenous artists he works with that their fight for land continues in this settler colonial context. However, in this newfound learning, Alvin imparts that he is not able to articulate what this means for him because of the gap left behind by migration. I would like to centre on particular notions that Alvin evokes -- one, the ways that colonialism in the Philippine continues to press upon his experience; and two, the sense of responsibility he feels obligated to engage in with his new found learning about Indigenous peoples' fight for land in Canada. In what follows, I suggest that it is in these gaps and in-between spaces -- between realization and responsibility; between migration and settlement; between the Philippines and Canada -- that queer Filipino/as on Coast 	  164 Salish territories are trying to orient a sexual politics accountable to ongoing processes of colonialism.   For some of the activists and organizers I spoke with, this practice of finding an orientation to their sexual politics is folded into their efforts to pay attention to ongoing colonial processes in embodied, everyday and mundane ways. For one, their efforts to hold Filipino-ness and queerness together subtly brings into question dominant colonial paradigms in the Philippines alongside heteropatriarchal colonial logics in Canada. Philippine and Philippine diaspora scholars have already aptly shown how Spanish and American colonial and neo-colonial projects imposed particular racially charged binary-based gender and sexual regimes on their conquered populations (see Mendoza 2015, Cruz 2012, Tadiar 2009). For non-normative gendered sexualities, the figures of the bakla and the tomboy have emerged from these colonial regimes in efforts to align queer bodies in such paradigms. As the gender and sexual regimes continue to linger and police bodies into very particular subjects, queer Filipina/os continue to figure out ways to negotiate these discursive and material regimes as we navigate these transnational ties. Take for example the gendered sexual logics Liwanag describes growing up with in the Philippines that she uses to negotiate dominant gender and sexual paradigms rooted in Canada: It's negative when I was a kid. I remember when we were in school, some of the girls wouldn't hang out with me because I'm a tomboy or malikot. They think that for group projects, I'm just going to mess it up because I can't control things. Of course when your projects are about sewing and stuff like that, it feels like I'm just going to mess it up. But you know what? I sew well too. But because I was malikot, I was active in other stuff, it doesn't mean that I can't do it properly. Okay, that was in the Philippines -- when we were kids. And then when I came here, I found out that the tomboy is actually for someone who's also active and things like that, but in the Philippines, a tomboy is also someone who's crushing on girls and who wants to be a boy. During the time, it never really came to me yet, I was just a kid who just wanted to be active, but being labeled a tomboy, made me think there's something wrong -- it was affecting my marks at school, even my teacher said that. And then when I was young, I was really focused on studies, so I was a good student. I think it came to the age when you begin having crushes, and that was later in grade school. But in the Philippines when you're called a tomboy it means you want to be a boy. You're a girl who wants to 	  165 be a boy and you want to keep chasing girls -- crush on girls -- it's negative actually. It's negative. For Liwanag, she grew up learning that a tomboy is "someone who's crushing on girls and wants to be a boy."  There are also classed undertones to this rendering as Liwanag elsewhere shared that her schoolteacher expressed worry over her future job opportunities if Liwanag continued to play the tomboy. While he acknowledges that dominant gender and sexual logics rooted in the Philippines understands the tomboy as "Filipina working-class butch lesbians," Kale Fajardo (2010) approaches Filipino tomboys as a "form of female masculinity or an embodiment of female manhood or lalaki (the Tagalog word for male/man/guy)" (407). While I see reflections of Fajardo's rendering of the figure of the tomboy and the fluid possibilities it can entail in the ways that queer Filipinas I interviewed apprehend gendered sexualities, I am here concerned with the normative paradigms we negotiate. Faced with a dominant gender and sexual binary-based prescription that obsesses with pinning non-normative sexualities to a masculine and feminine binary, some of those I interviewed expressed unwillingness to subscribe to these dominant narratives and labels. Consider Remi and Eirene's vexed relationship to the term tomboy: May: So what's associated with 'tomboy'? Remi: I think shame. The shame that's--it is shame. It's societal shame, I feel. I mean, the lesbians are not as accepted in my days. I find that the gay men are more courageous in coming out in the Philippines. But because they are able to be artsy and able to show how productive they can be--but the lesbians are still--because the attachment of woman being in the home--the expectation of being the woman. [...] Eirene:  I have more negative connotations of that because growing up [in Canada] I was a huge tomboy and you know just feeling really self-conscious about being a more masculine girl and feeling a lot of anxiety when I would go to Filipino gatherings. Obviously I looked very different than all my friends who were super feminine like skinny and like short and I was the bigger kid who liked sports and liked more non-conventional things. So whenever I hear like whenever I'm referred to tomboy -- like I haven't been able to embrace the word tomboy as much because it has a lot of negative connotations because I was called tomboy a lot. And not from my family or anything because my family was pretty supportive but 	  166 like people outside the family were a little judgmental.  On her thoughts on the tomboy figure, Remi highlights the gendered dynamics of the idea that measures the tomboy against dominant gender roles. On her thoughts on the tomboy figure, Eirene underscores the alienation that extends from the term even as they grew up outside the Philippines when she relates with Filipinos outside her family. I dwell on these vexed connections to the idea of the tomboy that is undergirded by colonially-imposed gender and sexual regimes to highlight how these paradigms work over space and map onto the bodies of Filipina/os on the unceded territories of the Coast Salish peoples. Different from Glenda Bonifacio's (2013) central question of where, either in the Philippines or Canada, Filipino non-normative sexualities are more "accepted", I am interested in how regulatory mechanisms work as bodies move between the Philippines and Canada. I suggest that regulatory gender and sexual mechanisms and technologies from different places and colonial experiences are entangled in the coming into being of Filipina/o sexualities on the stolen lands of Indigenous peoples on Turtle Island. Kim's vacillation between dominant racial, gender and sexual logics in the Philippines and Canada speaks to this point: It's the scariest though when I'm in my dad's environment. I guess it's coming up right now because I was just at my dad's wedding anniversary. I really feel my queerness in my dad's space now that he's with another woman, and his relationship with this woman is being celebrated. And I really feel my queerness, I really feel my whiteness, I really feel like my lack of language -- I don't speak Tagalog like the family. I feel that language is so connected to connecting with people, relating and humour and all those little things that language has in its' box. I wish I had a language. I even heard too that in some languages there are no words for gay or no word for queer or no word for whatever. I've been considering in the future that if I do come out to my dad, using the language, like saying 'Hey dad, I'm tibo,' I heard tibo is the word for tomboy slash lesbian. I've been thinking of that. Far from being "more accepting," Canada poses a set of gender, racial and sexual prescriptions Kim must navigate and figure out. In the places where the heterosexual couple is celebrated, her queerness, which she associates with whiteness, is sharply experienced. In this moment where whiteness is keenly experienced, Kim (much like Alvin) senses a gap as she "wishes to find a language" that does not abide by Western 	  167 gender and sexual binaries. Indigenous feminist and queer scholars are keyed into the fundamental role that white heteropatriarchy plays in the ongoing settler colonial project in the making of Canada. As Sarah Hunt (2013) details in her exploration of Indigenous approaches to sex work, Canada's Indian Act of 1876 set the legal framework that further entrenched and rolled out the erosion of Indigenous sovereignty. Hunt argues that colonially-imposed gender and racial logics worked as a constitutive part of the Act: "The Indian Act comprises colonial ideas about Indians, including racist and sexist stereotypes and ideologies, beginning with the beliefs that Indigenous peoples are inferior to Europeans and that women are inferior to men" (85). She traces this colonial racial and gender logic to geographical imaginations of the Indigenous' lands as available to "seizure, settlement and development" that pivot on Orientalist renderings of Indigenous peoples as savages and Indigenous women "as sexually licentious savages or beasts of burden" (85-86). What unfolded and continues to help organize the still-existing structures of settler colonialism and the erosion of Indigenous' self-determining authority is ongoing colonial gender violence. This gendered violence is exacted upon feminized and non-binary gender Indigenous bodies rendered not human by colonial law and categories of knowledge. As Hunt theorizes, for Indigenous women caught in this set-up, the violence done onto them is displaced and thereby normalized: "Those whose lives are negated or made illegible cannot have violence done onto them" (2016: 27). Chris Finley understands the settler colonial project to be one constituted by white heteropatriarchy. As Indigenous peoples are targeted for disappearance through "miscegenation with whiteness, since colonizing logic stipulates that Native people need to disappear for the settlers to inherit the land" (2011: 38), Finley argues that white heteropartriarchy serves to manage Indigenous women and erase Indigenous men as part of the overall effort to build a heteropa