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Off the Wall Issue #3 Carnegie Learning Centre (Vancouver, B.C.) Apr 30, 1993

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·CARNEGIE LEARNi~4G CENTRE. PH: 665-30'13 FAX: 684-8442 OFF THE WALL*: writings from Carnegie Adult Learning Centre *Off the wall; a little crazy, outrageous, something said or done out of context. Also, submissions are made to the magazine by pinning them on a wall in the Learning Centre . When it is time to publish a new 'issue, those submissions are taken "off the wall". Welcome to the third issue Off the Wall! We are really excited about the way interest is grow-ing in this magazine ... now people across Canada and in the United States are reading our stories, poems and opinions. The editorial committee decided to use the same editing guidelines as before, so throughout the magazine you might find unusual grammatical structure or "errors". We chose to leave these intact because we believe that this better reflects the authentic voices of the individual writers. The editorial committee consists cif learners, tutors and Carnegie Learning Centre staff Any-thing printed in the magazine is no indication of policy ofthe Carnegie Learning Centre, either im-plied or imagined. Nevertheless, the ·Centre apologizes to any sensitive reader who might find the material offensive in any manner. The editorial committee The people who worked on the editing and production oflss~e #3 were:· Allan Woodhouse, Amy Ng, Constance Brissenden, Dave Macdonalcl, Debbie Bryant, Dora Sanders, Eyda, Gordon Steele, Graham Daniels, Ivan, John Foster, Marty Lucas, Micheal McCormack, Michelle Lebeau, Nobuo Yamakazi, Richard Calcutta, Rika Uta, Stan, Steve L<;mtinello, Wendy Havens. (Ifwe missed you, sorry about that. Let us know and we'll give you special mention next time!) Off the Wall is published four times a year by the Carnegie Adult Learning Centre . This issue consisteg of 1000 copies. Please direct enquiries about subscriptions or contributions of Off the Wall, care of the Learning Centre . Our address is 401 Main Street, Vancouver, B.C. V6A 2T7, Phone ,(604) 665-3013, Fax (604) 684-8442 . Funding and support for the publication of Off the Wall is generously provided by the Vancou-ver Foundation, the Vancouver School Board, the Carnegie Community Association, many donors internationally and everybody associated with the Learning Centre . Contents Art ... from the heart p. 5 Autobiography ... our own histories p. 11 A Day in the Life ... writings about everyday experiences p. 19 Education .. Jearning at Carnegie, and btherplaces p.30 Homefires '· · , ... stories from home ·. p.35 .• Nature ,, ... about everybody's home p.38 Soapbox · ... opinions, opinions p.40 Streets ... scenes from our neighbourhood p.44 Ricky Heldt Melissa Nelson Cyril E. Lewis Windy Valerie Bachman Albert Anthony Lyle Davies Marty Lucas , Rudy K. Penner , Dcive Macdonald . J. Burchat Artful Dodger of WA.S.P. Tony Lam Jacqueline Yu Allen Lewis Katherine C}:low AmyNg Terry Flamohd Jung Bak , .. Mano} Kumar Sax~na . r. Christopher Leung Tin YungFo Summer Day Contributors Leonard Schell Dora Sanders Rin Cha James Peters Fred J. ·Henderson Po Shan Pauline Robinson Lee Martin Vuong H. Nguyen BillyM Mark Michelle Giovania Rivera Kam Yeung Juanita Bilac Cai Yue Xin Nguyen Phuc Minh Rodrigo Silva Akihiro Nakamura Jimmy Ocheng May Tam Grace Yip Michelle Lebeau Gordon Steele Eyda Cathy Grant .Matt Thomson Steve Lentine/lo A. Richard Debney BillyM Julia Brooke NoahSakee • >. . _,1 •, \ Off the Wall Art Mono-Nuclear-Oasis The cars drive past sounding like the toilet flushing at the end of the hallway Sandblasted headcheese with no eyes venereal mouth voinits tiny grinning skulls which eat my radio The furniture is nice, but its killing me the taps drip incessantly the stucco carpeting Ricky Heldt 5 cuts my feet and one of my ears is not working properly They use cripples for footstools in this mono-nuclear-oasis Here ... Eat this The land that dreams aren't built oil. Ricky Heldt Words I Speak Sometimes I fall upon the hard ground , and cry until the pain is dry. Sometimes I try so hard to make my inner pain die, but I only come up with conclusion that the life I'm living is a lie. My smile reappears when I see happy birds chirping wildly, and flying in the endless blue sky. My happiness makes my beautiful talents emerge from deep down below, and all the vivid colours I see begin to flow. For my love is an unexplainable thing, but to those who have it forever a great life it will bring .. For the soft words I so freely speak, to those who hear them fall deep. I never know what a new day might do for me, or do to me, but I hope that one day you may come back to me. Melissa Nelson r ' (.\' Off the Wall DREAM part 1 I shall dream in the spaces of time, and in the mellow fields I roam, in a state of euphoria and absence of mind. Colors so equal and bright, bring forth eternal brightness to my eyes, and silently I hear a grey dove softly cry, ana of course I ask myself, why? To thy destiny I do not know, for this crisp season it will snow upon beauty that will not be seen or heard. I walk, but will not stalk the answers to my questions I wonder; but if any longer I shall think, then I will start to climb unknown territory . Those mountains are so tall, and grand they must stand, for they are the kings of the wilderness. My footsteps do caress their rugged trails. The air so thin, for those who fly their breath is there, but for myself I feel my body starting to stir and slowly I awa_ke. AWAKE part2 Light from thy sky shines brightly down on my awakened eyes. Prisms of light scaring away my recent fright. The smell of freshness of restless flowers. In a calm state of mind I feel absolutely divine. Not much to be heard except the sights I silently endure. I approach full-on happiness, and hoping one day you can understand and grasp this . Melissa Nelson 6 Thirty After thirty dirty years ( of excavation) of excavating craters and dust I walk away with nothing nothing but pus and bandages. (Later I discovered that the pus rendered the bandages extremely flammable.) So ... wearing a mask · made of these materials I stand naked in the sun, a large magnifying glass strapped to my head . I look up at the sky and burn my face away. The Inner Voice Ricky Heldt There is a voice inside of me and it moans for love. There is a voice in you that will come up from deep within you. We all carry this power within us. I'm telling you now - call on that power which makes you a person in this big, old world - it's just like love - to stand the test of time. So will you and so will the world. Seek out the thing that you want most in life. If you get what you want, run with it as fast as you can into the· wild, fury wind and never Off the Wall look back at what once was. Look at what now is your life. To make something of your life, know that once you have called upon this Cyril E. Lewis and friend power, you will know how to do it more often than anyone else. Cyril E. Lewis Ode to Old Glories A very hard thing for an artist is getting stuck in a groove, replaying old glories and moments when perfection was once achieved . How many times have I missed it the chance to grow and expand, through dreaming of things that have hap-pened obsessive memories that are done. 7 Although we can try to stop changes nothing really stays the same, amid pressures of day to day living new expression can lead the way! Need to make wings for my wildness freedom from chains to the past, let me live outside of old glories in the space with no limits, so vast. Windy Dreams For Sale Need to make wings for my wildness love to be in that weight-less dimension. Melting tension away from my heart for today my dreams want to fly. Habits train me to stay on the ground firm grip on invisiblechains. Very nearly b~lieve I belong there then again my dreams want to fly. I am cells built by infinite wisdom every cell responds to my thought. Freedom , not imprisoned in my cell Selling dreams with the courage to fly. Windy Off the Wall The Passing of Moments To see a star with a single glow light up the heaven, To watch the earth revolve around the sun. To see a bird soar to success Or a turtle crawling solidly along the ground. Can time be stopped by holding the .hands of a clock? Can time fly? Or is it just an illu-sion. Can a world be caught and held under Our feet, or end in a split second? Is this life orjust a lie? A fiction, not reality at all. What is life but the passing of moments? . Valerie Bachman I went for a walk the other day in the snow and got lost. I could not find my way back. They brought a lot of people out to look for me but I was so · far in the woods that they had to get the dogs out to look for me. It was getting dark early so they had to wait until the next day to look for me. About three o'clock in the afternoon they found me alive and well. Everyone was so happy that they came and put their arms around me. Sharon came and she started to hug me. Albert Anthony 8 Pilgrims Pilgrims - meandering - shuffling along the Holy Way-blood spattered stubble - bearded eyes hollow too much of LIFE seen the birth - room and the death - room. seeking the HOLY GRAIL but gulping the glass of amber fluid and shooting up the dart ofDEATH croaking "Spare change!" "Spare change!" searching for the NEW JERUSALEM but finding oblivion Spaced Lyle Davies To be lonely in this world is an unhappy feeling The thoughts in the mind are too much free wheeling You trip from thought to thought this is the way When an answer comes the mind will sway You think quick but it does not come back You know something is wrong and that is a fact ' And whatever it is the 'answer is there Always a matter of courage to get it in gear Determination and hard work is always the clue Off the Wall Courage to be strong an' carry it through Your talent is yours and we all have one Put it to use to do what's needed to be done Brighten the world with your God given right Never give up on yourself put up a good fight You are just as important as your fellow man We are a group of people living on God's land Sharing the feeling we are all brother and sister Will lower the pride showing there's only one mister Only then will you not be lonely and blue If you try this formula you will see it to be true Marty L11cas The Symphony of Life The symphony of Life has just begun it play colour instead of string it sing story instead of notes it ring paragraf instead of wedding there are no musicians in the sym-phony of lies they play lyres, and trunkets and noses help wanted in the symphony of life we pay well and we even sing a little all types of rock welcome but jade especially welcome there are no musicians in this train of thought only losers, on well - deep -. dug born out . losers Let the chairs come, let the lies begin we have a lot to hear in the symphony of lies a littl~ enigma hoJds forth its ugly head and i I would rather go to bed and there are no players in this game called lies only conductors who never learned singing Lessons on types, . good a waves of rock and pay elevator! elevator! where are you lyres the symphony of lye has just begun Rudy K. Penner So Long To Love The Sun lies down to sleep and I start to feel blue, because it's been too :long r' since I was last wit.h you , When day turns its face away . I don't know what to 'do, my world seems so empty . again, I think of you. Dave Macdonald with tutor, Terry Chatelain 9 Now twilight is gone more memories come, of everything I've tried to do. Midnight blocks tomorrow's view, I've never felt so blue. Night wears out and I arrive in another town without you . . ~ ' ' ') t \ Off the Wall One more chance to put to rest this tired love I still have for you. Dave Macdonald Hollow Heart Carving out another niche (in an empty carving in space), scarred and bleeding where will you hide? Alone, and weary o,f my foolish misery. No one will know except perhaps in history . Evicted from a hell-hole I crawl away defiant. Burned out, weary, my rattled emotions expired . I.hand my woes out to a woe weary world, everyone's got problems enough of their own to hurl. J Burchat Playing with butter yellow medallions of plastic two men put out their hard-earned knowledge each determined to win by predicting each other's motives and motions . J Burchat 10 I walk alone. I can't see the road to, no nowhere anymore. A hidden voice is c~lling me . to forbidden fires by the shore . Artful Dodger of WA.SP Off the Wall Autobiography Goals For My Future At this present moment, my goals for my future is to be a successful actor, an attorney, and an entrepreneur. After completing these goals, I will retire wealthy at the age of sixty. I chose to be a successful actor as my starting goal because it is good to start off this career when I am/young (ages 20-28) . I find this field is very enjoyable and it is also my biggest dream. As a result to be a successful actor I would like to be well known and idolized by many people. At the age of twenty-nine I will be an attorney. I chose this to be my next goal because it is an outstanding career. The income of an attorney is more steadier than an actor. Also, to be an attorney involves acting. finally, the main reason why this goal was chosen because I want to impress my family and relatives. The final goal is to be an entrepreneur. I will accomplish this at the age of forty-six. This was chosen because I know at the age of forty-six I would like to be able to build my · wealth with my own knowledge. Also_ have my next generation follow up with my busi-ness. This will be my final goal before retire-ment. In conclusion, I would like to retire wealthy at the age of sixty and also to be successfully able to support my whole family. I will accomplish these goals in the next forty years. Tony Lam 11 I am Jacqueline Yu from Hong Kong. My family immigrated to Canada four years ago. I felt very excited to come to Canada because it is a beautiful and peaceful country. I know that I would get an education and continue my future here. Therefore, my whole life will start here again. I went to school and tried to build up communication from the beginning. At first, I recognized that it was not an easy job in a new society. Everything seemed very new for me, and I didn't know · too much about Canada. Gradually, I made more and more friends. I also learned more about Canada in school. I really like the teachers here because they are always very kind and friendly to students. I always miss my friends in Hong Kong and remember those happy days we had in school together. I know that those memories won't appear again but I still enjoy recalling yesterday in my mind. I will keep in touch with my friends. I believe some day we will meet again with lots and lots of pleasure. Hong Kong is a beautiful place with many modern buildings, shopping centres, restaurants and entertainment night clubs. People said that Hong Kong is a shopping heaven and the Pearl of the East. It's true, Hong Kong is a wonderful city. But it doesn't mean it has everything, like fresh air, forest, beautiful nature scene, wild animals.... Canada is a democratic country, people respect human rights. This is not easy to develop in other countries. I think Canadians (including me) are very lucky. Jacqueline Yu Off the Wall My Accident Allen Lewis is a 34-year old student at Carnegie Adult Learning Centre, studying computers and practicing his reading and writing skills with tutors there. He was asked in November 1992, to submit a piece for the next issue of Off the Wall. After reading through the previous issue of that fine rag, he decided it would be alright to be published there if we wanted him to be. This is his first story. Allen Lewis "I will write about my accident. It's what happened to me,' but that's not the story of my life. The moral to this story is: Don't buy a Monza Spider. It had a faulty tie-rod. It happened thirteen years ago. Me and my fiance were living in Prince George. I was twenty years old . I weighed 215 pounds and could handle myself. I was big, 6 foot 3 12 inches, nobody pushed me around. I'd had the car for about nine months before my accident. I was driving home from work when my tie-rod broke. My cousin was following in his car and saw me when I went 50 feet over the bank and 5 feet up a telephone pole . I woke up five and a half months later, weighing 98 pounds. I couldn't talk and had to take speach therapy for four years to be able to talk again . My fiance came to see me about one and a half years later, six months pregnant. lnever got an electric (wheel)chair 'til two years after my accident. I've had eleven operations on my tendons because my knees and elbows would not bend and my fingers were all curled up tight into a ball. This is a pretty rough situation to be in but there's nothing that can be done about what has happened. I just have to put it behind me and try to make my life the most comfortable that I can. I take it one day at a time. I say, "live each day at a time and hope" . The strongest advantage you need is patience, because if you want to do something for yourself and you can't, it takes lots of patience to let someone else do it for you . The end". Allen Lewis Autobiography My life began March 31, 1973, in Grace Hospital in Vanco_uver, B.C. That makes me nineteen at this moment. I was born the youngest of five children in the family. My parents decided to name me Katherine . I have three sisters and one brother . All of us are the first generation in the family born in Canada . Two of my sisters are married and the ~ther one lives in Alberta. My brother and I are the only ones that still live at home with my mother and grandmother. I also have three nieces and two nephews. My father died of cancer when I was twelve. Off the Wall My parents have been here in Canada for approximately thirty-five years. If my great grandfather was still alive he would have been here for eighty-six years already. Both my great grandfather and my parents immigrated here from China. Our family name is Chow. Life has not been as exciting as I antici-pated in my mother's belly. Needless to say, I've only lived nineteen years so far. My education started .in kindergarten at the age of four at Charles Dickens Elementary School. I finished elementary school when I was thirteen . After elementary school I went on to secondary school at Sir Charles Tupper. I decided I was going nowhere there so I took four months off to think about what kind of life do I want for myself I came to the con-clusion that I want to be a somebody in life and in order to achieve that I must find a way to upgrade some of my high school marks to enrole myself in BCIT or a university. From that point I decided to enrole myself in Carnegie and South Hill Leaming Centre to upgraµe my high school marks. During my life on earth so far, I've had little life experiences . None, ifl could say so myself I've had one job so far and t~at was at McDonald's. My travels are limited so far to the United States and Canada. Furthermore I have not yet played an important role or even done something good for my country yet. My hobbies for winter season are skiing and ice skating. During the summer I play tennis ; g6 swimming, and take long strolls by myself down by Stanley Park to clear my mind. My year round activities are playing video games, pool, shopping, reading, bowl-ing, watching movies, and baking cookies. The kinds of food I like to eat is Korean barbecue (bulgokee ), tempura, wanton, cheesecake, tofu, ice cream, Tony Roma's baby back ribs, and Milestone's curly fries. My favourite restaurant in town is Kobe's Japane·se Restaurant because of their show with .th~ food . The kinds of food I dislike most to eat 13 are things that are uncooked like sushi and salads. Most other foods I don't mind eating as long as I don't know what it is. I also hate to eat fish. The kind of person I view myself as is a very lazy one. The reason I think that way is I • because I like to do things halfway then stop to let somebody else finish it. I also get bored easily. I have a very short attention span and a very bad memory when it comes to school. Furthermore I have a bad habit of judging things by its face value. This isn't good be-cause sometime I lose out on good things then I regret it. I also have a bad habit of spending too much money without even knowing it sometimes. My future plans are to further my educa-tion and go into the field of marketing (adver-tisement) . After I have done that, I plan to get' married and have two kids. I also plan to own my very own business one day and drive a BMW. My dream for the world is that every-body is healthy and happy just as I am at this moment. Katherine Chow Nancy (This is a fictitious story developed out of an activity based on a pair of shoes!) Nancy is a nice name. She is a graceful lady and lives in a high class apartment that she owns in downtown Vancouver . Switzerland is her original home where she passed many happy years before she was a teenager . Her parents were the richest in a small town of Switzerland. Due to the fact that Nancy was an only child, she could get , everything that she wanted . One day, her father committed suicide because of the bankruptcy of the business. After that her mother went crazy in the hospi-tal. Nancy feels very sad by all of the terrible events which she never anticipated. Therefore Off the Wall AmyNg she left Switzerland to get well for her physical and mental health, so she moved to Canada and has kept on learning. After she graduated with a degree in Commerce from U.B.C., she understood everything must depend on herself, so a job is very important for her. She needs more money to support her luxurious life style . For six years she was a teller, but now she has become the manager of a Royal Bank downtown. She is very proud of her success and ~atisfied with her income. Today, a group of friends gave a birth-day party for Nancy at the Pan Pacific Hotel. When she arrived at the hotei, everyone stopped talking and surprised her. She looked like a wonderful fairy who came down to earth. She was wearing a shiny white evening grown and one set of ruby accessories. Fur-thermore , a new style of golden high heel shoes made her extremely attractive. Although Nancy is over thirty years old, no wrinkles are visible on her face, so many people suppose she is only about twenty-five . Some ladies are jealous of her long golden 14 hair, oval face and perfectly shaped body . Nancy always smiles when guests take photos and dance with her. Three hours later, when the party has ended, she feels lonely in her bedroom. Sud-denly, she starts to think about her future, (eg. the man who loves her the most, despite the fact that he is ~ery poor.) Her job often keeps her very busy, therefore she feels that it is time to give up working now . Money can buy many things, but it cannot buy love, so she begins to under-stand that maybe love can come from a family, ( eg. a lovely baby will let her know how great a mother's love is.) AmyNg The Lost Metis When I arrived in my first big city, which was Edmonton, Alberta, the big buildings looked like giants to me and the little buildings looked like midgets. I was a lost little boy spiritually, physi-cally, mentally, and emotionally in all ways. That was at the age of sixteen . When I saw the red light, it reminded me of the red man who I am. The yellow light reminded me of the yellow race and the green light reminded me of the Mother Earth. The little white man inside the box reminded me of me when I was little, because I was lost in two worlds . I was hobo..:ing around and I drank alcohol, smoked dope and I thought I had no problems. My mom was so worried that she sent the police to look for me. The police took me home and I did not get a licking, but I got scolded. That was the experience in the big city. The sidewalk reminded me of the road to hell and I realized that we are all in hell. God loves you , so do I. Terry Flamand Off the Wall Sports I Enjoy . . Occasionally, I think of the times when I enjoyed parachute jumping and rifle shooting while training as an army paratrooper, from 1975-78 in the South Korean military. I learned to jump from airplanes and to shoot very accurately with an M-16 rifle and could hit the mark at 300 metres. The jump-ing was very good experience and 100% safe. Now I would like to join a parachute club and a rifle club here in Canada, but my English is not too good yet. The practice training was very hard. There was 10 kilometres of running with a 30 kilogram backpack. Before running, within 30 seconds of the signal, we must put on backpacks and buckie all harnesses or an instructor would be kicking our shinbones. This is called "perfection · armament" . During that time, we were usually eating salt and drinking water as the ·summer season tempera-ture in Korea is very hot (C29-3 l) . Oh! How much salt I was eating and how much water I was drinking! For parachute training I wore a harness held by a jumpwire and practised jumping from an eleven metre high to·wer . I wore a helmet, a main parachute on my back and carried a small spare parachute on my chest. The instructor beside me in the tower would say before I jumped, "Are you God's friend? Do you remember the face of your mother and father?" From the ground another instructor would call, "Open your eyes." J would open my eyes and jump off the tower, landing on a bank below. I remember the disciplinary punishment of "tadpole creeping". Just wearing . . undershort pants, I was required to hold my hands behind my back and my head under some filthy water. ffl rolled over the captain called "Toes" would kick me. A minimum of ten minutes was given in "tadpole creeping". Our Captain "Toes" seemed more terrible than the enemy. 15 We returned to the main campus after six more weeks of special guerrilla studies in the art of war, rifle s_hooting, signaling and communications . We trained very hard each day then relaxed in the evening in the PX drinking pop ~nd eating cookies . One month of each year we took vacations and visited .our families. ,Our paratroopers received higher pay because our training was very hard and very dangerous. We wore ''black berets" . I'.ve been to Langley to watch helicop-ters and small aircraft training. I want to take helicopter pilot training when my English is better . I'd ,like to be on rescue missions in the mountains . I have been here two years now. Jung Bak Jung Bak Off the Wall Autobiography My name is Manoj Kumar Saxena. I born in a middle class family in a big city of Northern India. My father used to work for a UN project as an Administrative officer. My mother is a religious Lady. When I was six years old that time I used to go for a morning ·walk with my parents to GPO park . There was a big statue of Mahatma Ghan di in the . park. So he was the first man that inspired my life with the power of truth .and honesty . I used to go a .nearby school. My school was surrounded by big historical buildings. Those buildings were the beautiful examples of mixed Persian and Indian Architecture . Thou-sands of European Tourists used to come to see those buildings every d~y. T,hey used to watch the artisans and craftsmanship of those building with great interest. That time I realized the importance of art in human life. I mean I realized that bread, clothes and shelter is not everything for a human . One more person inspired my life was my history teacher, . Brother Gregory . He used to be a billionaire· in Switzerland but he devoted his life to spread the Light of Education and Knowledge . Still whenever there is a fight between me and my conscious his soft spoken smiling face comes in front of my eyes. When I was in New Delhi I got a chance to see too many personalities of the world and too many international celebra-tions . My father was in transferrable job, so I saw the different cultures and different people in my life. · I ·used to love Music very much. Two or three times I got chance to play guitar on local television . My sister sponsored me as a landed immigrant to Canada. I like Canada very much. Beautiful Mountains .' Valleys, with full of flowers and Blue Sea does not let me feel homesick . . . Mano} Kumar Saxena 16 My n~e is Christophei-Leung . I was born in Hong Kong·. When I was a child,, my friends in the school called me "fat boy" because I was too fat until nine . years old. I went to swim very hard every day that my mother could not believe me. After half a year, I was very happy to. be a thin boy. While I was thirtee·n years old in summer time my money was very limited but I took one hundred dollars with my three friends to be hawkers. We sold newspapers, magazines an:d st9ry books on the rush of the street. Although we did not do very well, we still were happy to have our own small company. After six months, we sadly lost money and were very nervous to support our company. Finally we closed it. I immigrated with my whole family to C~nada in 1989. My all life was totally changed that it made me to want to go back to Hong Kong but I could not do that. I live in a big house which is . bigger than the house in· Hong · Kong. Canada has fresh air and slow pace but sometimes I feel .,· bored and miss my best friends : I studied hard to learn English well Off the Wall and have a prospective job. Also so I can meet a nice and gentle girl who will marry me and take care of our children and me. Christopher Leung Attempting to write something that will interest me Lacking inspiration Write a line, cross it out · Write a line, cross it out Maybe you would've dug it? How can I do it for you when I can't even do it for me? I work in a warehouse I've been a dishwasher a stock keeper a supervisor in a government cafeteria I've been a janitor cleaning up the puke of old guys who thought, fuck it all, & gave up young guys who gave up too soon , and those who had not yet given up but soon would Who knows, maybe they could've been great (good) poets Maybe I should give up? But I've got better things to do , Write a line, cross it out Write a line, cross it out Chinese Tai Chi Ricky Heldt I would like to introduce my favourite hobbies and myself My name is Mr. Tin. I'm a new immigrant from Hong Kong. I have been here for about one year . I like to practise Tai Chi and watch T.V. every day. Tai Chi is a very popular exercise among 17 the Chinese because it's suitable for everyone . There are different kinds of Tai Chi, but my favourite is the Ng's style. The focus of these exercises is to improve the condition of our health . It's for defence but not for violence . It's not difficult to learn, but the most impor-tant thing is to practise every day. I began learning Tai Chi in Hong Kong five years ago. At that time, by te~cher was Mrs . Leung. I used to practise every morning in Victoria Park. It has been more than five years since I started practising Tai Chi. I spend half an hour per day doing this exercise . Tin Yung Fa Death Doesn't Become Her My story began after another beating from my father. I left the house a bruised and bloodied mess . I sat in my yard crying, won-dering what the days ahead might bring . All I saw ahead of me was a life filled with pain; a pain I was getting so damn tired of The pain was more than I could stand; my life was only a halflife. My body had its fill of being a punching bag . The mind has ways of helping the body cope with the unbearable . My mind wouldn't let me feel or experience anything that was happening to me. Life became a puzzle with many pieces missing. Isolating myself kept the world from knowing how I was really feeling. Emotional walls went up so high that no one could break through them . I kept it all inside and kept on forgetting. Going home wasn't an option . I moved into a guest house behind the pool in the yard. My father didn't care; he didn't bother to look for me. My mind was made up then ' to end my life because it wasn't worth living. I tried to be brave . My mind kept asking "Is this what you really want?" Actually, I didn't know what I wanted. The pain continued but I had nobody to turn to . Mom died years earlier and my siblings had Off the Wall nothing to do with me. I was scared and alone. The thought of suicide seemed clearer and clearer to me. My thoughts turned to actions and I found myself attempting to jump off the Lions Gate Bridge. I sat on the edge of the railing and decided not to die but to think. A man driving by yelled at me not to jump. I was startled and I lost my footing and fell. My life flashed before my eyes a thousand times; all I thought about was the pain I'd feel when I hit the water. "Please don't let me die," I screamed . As the water drew closer a peace~ ful feeling overtook my body. The fear of dying no longer concerned me. As my body hit the water my mind went blank. A black empty space filled my head . Was this death? I wasn't sure. A black door appeared and there was a sound of somebody knocking . Fear consumed me. I didn't want to answer it. The door opened and a silhou-ette appeared . Man or woman I wasn't sure . A soft voice whispered to me, ''It's time to go." "Where?" I asked . "To your final resting place," the voice said. "But I'm not ready to go. I have too much to live for; my life is worth living!" I shrieked . Suddenly turning angry the voice said, "You' re coming with me and you have no choice!" "No , you're not taking me!" I said firmly. A hand reached out and grabbed me by the shirt . My hand reached up and pulled it away. The hand grabbed me again, but this time I couldn't loosen the grip . "Stop, stop!" I yelled, "I don't want to die!" The silhouette was drag-ging me towards the door. Giving up wasn't my style so I started fighting . Silhouette pushed me to the floor. The hold on my shirt was strangling me. A sudden strength filled my body . Pulling myself up I was able to push the silhouette to the floor . A figh~ ensued . Fighting for my life was all that mattered . Strength was leaving my body; the situation was desperate . My exhausted body threw one last punch. I squared Silhouette right in the jaw . It went down; knocked out cold. Too weak to lift it, I started dragging Silhouette 18 toward the door. Once there I became panic stricken. How was I going to get the body out the door? My feet were the only part of my body not consumed with fatigue . With the force of a hurricane my foot kicked Silhouette out the door . Exhausted I fell into a deep sleep. A white cloud filled my head. I opened my eyes to find a sea of people in white clothes surrounding me. "Am I in heaven?" I asked . "No, you're in a hospital," a nurse replied . Altogether my hospital stay lasted six months; two in a coma . The road back was a long and hard one but it was worth it. It's been two years since the fall and life for me is very different. I'm healthy and happy. I am married with a young son and due to have my second child in September. Accepting what my father did to me has been healing . My siblings and I are doing great. We've worked things out and are finally a family. Now I know if my problems become too much to handle I have people who love and support me. I am rio longer alone. Summer Day Off the Wall nice mother to her. I will be going to my niece for Christmas holiday and I will be taking a lot · of pictures and having a good time. I'm dreaming of a white Chris.tmas, just like the ones I used to know. Where the tree tops glisten and children listen, to hear sleighbells in the snow. I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, with every Christmas card I write. May your days be merry and bright, and may all your Christmases be white. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You'll never know, dear, how much I love you . Please don't take my sunshine away. Albert Anthony Albert Anthony 20 Lucking Out After A Fire A fire had taken place in the one bed-room house near where I lived, at sometime in the past. Perhaps three or four months earlier. From its grounds one could oversee the stre~t and not be seen. , A tall, neatly clipped hedge hid the property and the lower portion of the house from the road below . A steep, crum-bling cement stairway led to the front door. Vines and weeds surrounded the steps, nearly hiding them. Those parts of the stairway which were in chunks were only considered climbable because of secure but rusting iron railings on each side of them . Windows, now boarded and plastic covered, had once offered the home owner a splendid view of the city, and the waterfront. A FOR SALE sign on the boulevard described the house, but it was turned face inward to the hedge as if the owner was really reluctant to let go of his land. At one time that house had been of some value, but now only the property, in Vancouver's downtown area, was worth purchasing. The roof had a large, bright blue, sheet of plastic over one section, which looked like a roofless doll house when not covered. A blackened section of the house showed where flames had burst forth from a window. All but one of the windows were covered by two criss-crossed slats nailed over clear plastic . The uncovered one was at the back, but it had no glass in it either. , Access to the house at the back was level with the lane way, and had become the customary entrance for visitors familiar with the building, especially since the fire. The doorway to the kitchen, dining area was in good shape. Since Senior Citizens must get their pension cheques no matter what, the mail man left the house owners cheques in the blackened mail slot of the charred yellow front door. A cab would arrive at the back of the Off the Wall house to take the home owner to the bank, the liquor sfore, and back home to the back yard which was used as outdoor living quarters of the house during reasonably warm days. Some, or perhaps most of the household furnishings had been mpved out of doors onto the hack lawn and placed in squares according to the rooms the furniture represented . I Shortly after the home owner returned from shopping his guests would arrive ready to party. Some of them · were not quite as old, or as :wealthy' . Some looked as if they went from one party to the next with hardly a pause between drinks, or a change of cloth-mg. , A square arbour had been built of trellises for tall grow-ing flowers such as sweet peti'. The thick flowers hid kitchen furniture, a working · fridge, stove, dishes and was covere.d over by plastic . pillow was left outside in a space apparently designated as the open skies bedroom. The bathroom of the house may have been damaged too, or perhaps it was the beer and other beverages that caused the house owner to visibly use the flower arbour when nature called with a stand-up order. Yet he must have kriown he could be viewed from the large school, and by passerby. "You ·shouldn't do that George," a woman said one morning as I passed by on my way to work. She appeared to be his only guest that day. "There's a dame lookin' _at 'cha." _She said other things that are best left unrecorded. George was too drunk to give a dam. He generally was. , A second make-shift square of wide slats nailed to posts, mark~d out an area around the living room fumiwre. A heavy laden apple tree drooped over a hang-ing string of chinese Dora Sanders As I had entered the lane heading for the school pathway, a shortcut to the next comer, I no-ticed an expensive car drive up. The car parked near the arbour. I saw a well dressed man get out of it so I paused to see what was going to happen. Was he a school principal? A lanterns, plastic covered tables, and lawn chairs. Also in that area was a working televi-sion set, a chesterfield, two easy chairs, and two foot stools . There was also a coffee table and two end tables decorated with several overflowing ash trays . These fumishi_ngs coul_d easily be seen from the back lane bor-_ dering a school playground and a school. Sometimes a cot, covered with blankets and 21 plain clothes police officer? After George finished his 'job' and moved out of the arbour the car driver said, "George Peterson?" The drunk replied, "Yesss." "Oh. Oh," the woman said. not smirking now. She was . "I understand this property may be for sale." • ,.,, Off the Wall "You do eh? Who told ya? Well, yea, yes. It is." George said. "What the hell, · sure. I can't afford to rebuild ." · "I would like to negotiate a deal with you ." "Sure," George said. He pointed toward his 'living room' . "Shiela , move over to the chair ." The woman moved as the well dressed man turned to his car and took out a briefcase . George got himself a_nd his visitor a beer each as the man walked over to the chesterfield and sat down. Old drunk George joined him and they began to talk . I was astonished and turned to continue on my way. That properly is now part of the grounds of large tower in the downtown core . Old drunk George must be .really wealthy . Dora Sanders Dinner, Smothered in Love The screen door swang open and the kids pil~d 1n, I almost dropped three dishes in the noise and -. the din. "Mom! " they screamed . "What can we eat?" I paused for a moment and adjusted my hair. "What's for dinner, Mom?" they asked track-ing mud in on their feet. Slowly licking my lips, I gazed down at .my impatient little chicks. They stood mesmerised, not a peep in the air. When Mummy smiled her Mummy's smile, the children's rumbling tummies, rumbled with delighted delight. Murrimy stepped towards them and leaned down near · to whisper Mummy's most carefully guarded, miraculous insights in her perked _and hungry, baby chicks ears : I whispered of cakes and rice crispy squares with hot pecan· pies. The children ooohed and they aaahed and their eyes opened wide. . Three squeals filled the kitchen as I squeaked 22 open the fridge, . a pied piper I sang of briskets, pot roast s, fat turkeys with peas . Rummaging in the cupboards, I warbled of hams all shiny and glazed. My kids bounced to my tune of yams and steaming corn on the cob. As I jumped to my chores, pots and pans flew. We leaped to the · songs of sweet drinks the kids and I khew. The festivities didn't stop as I stirred up my bre.w. · We ·danced, sang, and jiggled, as the smells filled the room. A little song and a whisper changes carrot sticks to candy canes. Marvel at a mother's dance of the soul, a choir ofinspiration for a child's developing roles . Johnny, Jimmy, and Sue's big-lashed, brown eyes opened wide, three adolescent tongues dragged in tandem across their top lips · · in an excited excitement not a one of them , could hide. Big and little bowls were placed finally in front of them, _ each cautiously measured to be equally over-flowing. With a splendid meal only a mum could figure, each, all, a delightful feast of its own . A dinner of love, at which they'll linger in their poor, happy home. Six tiny legs kicked the air happily as the children dug in. To me, their stuffed rosy cheeks showed me what state they were in. And as any mom knows , a few well-placed adjectives can paint an especially tasty picture . For tonight, just like last night, we're havjng the most de_Iightful, tiny chopped , weenies, smothered in delicious, orange kraft dinner. I thanked God for this banquet that'll fill up Off the Wall my kid's innards . A socially-assisted, single mum' s cooking is quickly done . . Fill up on bread kids, yum ... Not signed My ultimate goal is to be the happiest man in the world . When I dream about being the happiest man in the world, I · draw a certain picture in my head: the picture of a place by the river where the sky is clear azure blue, the river is sparkling like it is covered by tons of diamonds, the ground is emerald green, and the air is too immaculate to harmonize with polluted humans beings . In this place, I lie down on the ground, enjoy the view and smell of the nature, and feel the darling sunlight with delight. In addition, words such as hatred ; pressure, ego, war, and loneliness do not exist in this place . I'm waiting for the day when I may have this kind of happiness . Someone once said, "While there is life, there is hope ." A poet once said, "Without dreaming life is a barren field." People are fuelled by hopes and dreams which identify and distinguish us from other animals. Every-one should be ambitious . I stand tall for my ambition because my goals are waiting for me. Life Park Cold / White Rin Cha Hundreds of seagulls waiting to be fed. Hundreds of people in a lin~ doing 23 the same. Native people White people Tall people Short people Happy people Sad peopl~-1 see a man spinning his wheels of his car, he try to go some place else, but he wasn't succeeding. James Peters Christmas Light Tours One of these nights this month I got a ticket for a tour to see the nice Christmas lights and take pictures of it all. One will be Trout Lake Centre and when we finish seeing the Christmas lights we all go back and have some hot drinks and treats . Then after that I have another Christmas lights tour with the 411, so I will be having a good time . On the night of December the 21st, I went on a nice Christmas light tour for the first time in my life. And I enjoyed it very much . We started out from downtown and went to Canada Place and took some pictures of that. Then we went along Georgia Street and over to North Vancouver and into Burnaby and we seen the first house with a lot of coloured lights all over it. It was real nice and after that one, we saw another nice one . Then we went on Boundary Road and we seen another lovely place with a train in the yard and Mr . Santa talking to the children . On Christmas day I got up early and had my breakfast then I looked at my gifts . Santa gave me a nice shirt and sweater and I got a calculator and salt and pepper shakers and I got a bird feeder and a big bottle of vetch to make Tia Maria . Azld I got a lot of Christmas Off the Wall cards. Then I got some nice flash lights, one big one and two small ones. So I had a nice Christmas. Then I had a lovely turkey dinner and I come home with lots of cakes and other nice treats. So that is my story about Christmas '92 . Albert Anthony Reach out to the shadows To strangle them. You're outnumbered And they're laughing at you. You have no choice But to join in _their pain. Reach out to the shadows To shake their hands. They will not we~come you As a friend. You have no choice But to walk alone. , Reach out to the shadows To off er them your soul. But ther~ 's no score to settle The score is zero - zero. As you 're stripped of all hope Your naked nothingness exposed. Ricky Heldt The Wait I planned to go ho.me to Chase this year at Christm~s in my own van . But, there was no-one to drive.for me, so I took the bus. I'm in the wheelchair and am packing a lot o,f extra weight right now so it's a challenge to get 24 around. I got to the bus station here in Vancou-ver in the evening at 7:00 p.m . to catch the 7:30 p.m. bus to Chase . They tried to load me but couldn't, so the bus took off without me. I waited then until 1 :30 a.m. for the next bus. One guy finally put me over his shoulder and carried me on . That's the last time I'm going home ifl can't get a driver for my van . When my bus got into Chase I waited ~ half an hour for my brother to show . JI~ ~ame and picked me up and two guys grabbed my · feet and they hauled me off of the bus. The bus people weren't going to unload me. That one guy' d had enough . For the first two days I was at my folk's place in Chase I could wheel uptown in the chair. Then it. started snowing so I stayed in the house. My folk's house is all equipped for the wheelchair so the only problem is transpor-tation. ' My brother is 6'4" and 220 pounds . He will be twenty-four in on the 20th of January . He drove me back to Vancouver in Dad's pick-up . There's no way I could get into his Camero! I won't try the bus again . The end. Toys in the Attic I write this Allen Lewis With Blood on my hands As I haemorrhage silently Reaching, Seeking, Writing Have I seen it Felt it, touched it A Poem, a story or song Calling from deep within A cry _from the heart From the soul. Write, Write, Write Off the Wall Like a speck of Dust From the corner of the eye Here, there, gone Leaving a tear Behind Like Toys in the Attic Of a childless house Life pouring out a drop at a time Old love letters mailed away Postage stamps on pieces of soul Oneness, Wholeness, Greatness Reaching, Reaching, gone Trying to grasp at a Meteor Flashing by Fred J Henderson My First Day in Vancouver and My First Impressions August 13th, 1980 was a beautiful day for me. I .came to Canada, fr~m China, with my two children . When I got off the plane I did not know which way to go as I could not read the Eng-lish signs. I was afraid, I was lost so I fol- . lowed the people . In the Customs I had to show my visa, my files and my money. The lady, a translator, asked me to take out my money from my · pocket but it was impossible because I had sewn it in my pocket. The translator said to the man with a smile on her face : "She is afraid you are going to take her money" . I felt that they were laughing at me and behav-ing in a mean way . I didn't care what they thought, I just wanted to get outside with my children and luggage to see my brother. After I had gone through Customs I met my brother. We had been separated for .thirty years. He did not recognize me. Fortunately, he had brought my sister's son with him whom 25 I had met in China the year before, so he recognized me. My brother drove us to his home . My first surprise was tpat the traffic was so quiet. In China everyone pushes their car horn or the cyclists ring their bells and together they create a great deal of noise. My next surprise wa~ the seen~ that came to my eyes through the windows. I had expected Canada ro be very cold, with no green grass, no green trees and coyered with snow. Instead, the trees were green, the flowers were blooming, the birds were singing, the sun was shining, the air was fresh, and the streets were clean . What a lovely country . · When we ~rrived at my brother's home our eyes got real big. We were so surprised as we saw a big hou~e and thought that he must be very rich. I saw a big house with a big garage, a front yard with many flowers planted around the house . In the back yard and along the left side of the house he had planted many kinds of vegetables, and some Chinese herbs . Beside the back door there were two garden rocking chairs . There was a lot of.space between the houses. In China there is no space . The houses are all attached to one another. . The living environment is so much better in Canada. I sto.o.d there, and said to myself"my ambition is to live in a place like this one day". ~ . . \ When I e_ntered the house I had another surprise . There was a big liv_ing room with a big T. V. and sofa, also c1. huge light with many bulbs hanging fr_om the ceiling. So~e beauti-ful om'aments were on th_e shelf and some were hanging on the wall . There was wall to wall carpet and a large kitchen . Many rooms; each child had their own room. In China, a whole family would live iI?, one room. After a while my brot_her had to go back to work . He as_ked my nep_hew to take us to a restaurant as _there was nobody at home to cook and we were very hungry. I wanted to eat Chinese food so my nephew drove us to Chinatown but there was nowhere to park the car. He drove the car around to find a place ... Off the Wall back in Vancouver before 3 :00 p.m. preparing for work at 4:00 p.m. When I got back to · Vancouver, I still had 30 minutes left for doing some personal things . Thirdly, I stopped at Kentucky Fried Chicken at a corner of Main Street and 14th · Ave. Unfortunately, I left the light 9f the car on. The battery was dead when I came back from a quick lunch. I tried to start up the car ,but couldn't. Fourthly , I rriade a quick decision by buying a booster cable at a g~s station two· blocks from there and I asked a gentleman ·on the street, "Can you give my car a boost because the battery is dead ." He said to me, "Surely, it's no big deal." I came back to .the car with the cable, and the gentleman who was willing to help me. Finally, when I came back to the car, I had just found out that the key of the car was still in the ignition. ·I was pulling my hair out. I still had 30 minutes to decide whether how to make the car run and how to go to work. Then I took a cab home and came back with my spare key. I believed that I had the worst day in my life. Last of all, the cab driver gave me a free boost , he didn't charge me. I just paid the cost of the trip I took . I was grateful to him and gave him a nice tip . · When I was in trouble, at least I still had some nice people helping me out. I got back home at night and saw my calendar. Today is Friday 13th. Vuong H. Nguyen Love Is Good . The Carnegie ' s grub line up was small. "It usually is at this time of day," I babbled to myself as I hoisted my heavy backpack into a more comfortable position . I had enough to buy me a coffee and m~ybe buy me a couple oftailor-mades off somebody . Panhandling at Main and Hastings was easy at welfare time. The fourth guy I asked gave me 28 seventy-two cents . And he was drunk. I paid for my cup then walked over and began filling my cup from the large dispenser as I absently surveyed the dining area for I • company and a seat. I was lonely as well as thirsty. And there she was . The prettiest girl in Carnegie on January twenty-first, nineteen-ninety three, combing her unwashed hair in her egg sandwich flicking her cigarette ; completely missing the overflowing ashtray, listlessly waiting for me to get the courage to just walk on over and join ner. Everything a travelling man could want - a half asleep pretty girl sitting all by her lonesome in front of an ash- . tray full of big butts . Maybe I could save my money and buy me a bottle of gooflater . "Mind ifl rest my buns here?" ''.Are you sure you want to? I just got released from a mental institution ," she con-fided, startled awake by my daring inquiry. I froze a smile on my face, quickly easing my buns into the chair closest to hers. "Wow, what coincidence. I'm a nut too!" My new sleepy table mate ignored me and busied herself scratching at a scab on her face as I scrutinized her sipping my watery coffee. I was also digging. Digging for an opening. I could see this wasn't going to be easy. "So what do they can you?" Troubled, my nameless dining -partner edged her chair closer, then leaned over closer to me and candidly whispered , "Who ' s they?" . "Tfiem," I motioned my filthy hand in a circle towards the other diners. "The other . humans of this colourful world .about us." My courage began to fail me as she dully peered into .my awaiting eyes for long, tense seconds. I thought she might be falling asleep. "Stormy, " _she sleepily answered . They must have her on dope. The cigarette in Stormy's lifeless hand burned wastefully away as her sleepy brown · eyes stared into the infinity that was the marble wall behind my patiently watching head. Her sexy overweight body winked at me coyly from the corner of my punched out, black eye: Off the Wall This was fate. I could feel it. Seizing the moment, I liberated a won-derfully long, two inch, delicately smashed out, Players Light from the crammed metal ashtray; bent it back into shape and placed it soberly into my unshaven face; then, enquired hesitantly, in my best Humphry Bogart voice, with, my unlit, recycled cigarette hanging dapperly. out of my thin British mouth, "So maybe you would likes to hit the Forty-Four Club for dinner? I got six meals left on my card and I gotta use them up by the fifteenth." I looked at her hopefully, then quickly added, "That's tomorrow ." Stormy gazed at me absently. That was the look I was beginning to acknowledge was hers. "I don't have to pay nothing do I?" she said, handing me the end of her wasted smoke for a light. "Naw," I assured her as I trustingly grinned back at her mystified expression, lighting my crumpled butt then butting hers . "Maybe we could go somewhere and do something after maybe?" I jumped right in not giving my slow moving friend a chance to think. "Sure," she muttered, scraping some-thing that had hardened on her puggish nose. This was more than I'd hoped for, as I beamed at her like a ?eat cops flashlight, with my hobo's mind travelling a mile a minute. Exactly what I'.d been searching for. This was better than incredible. This wasn't even fantabulous. This was swell. I leaned all the way back in my wobbly chair and enjoyed the moment, romanticising optimistically to myself while gazing at my new companion. Maybe she'd have a room somewhere and I could sleep on the floor? BillyM 29 · The shock of seeing his blood raining from his forehead and tem-ples left my senses in denial not wanting to believe someone could be in that much pain. Yet, he didn'twince or even stop to grimace growl or wail. He merely walked by as if to no avail. Life Feels Good J. Burchat Today is March 2. It is now 94 days since I had my last drink or smoke and I feel good about myself. My -health is better. My out-look has improved. I think more clearly, my memory has improved. I learn faster and I have been able to save some money. At the end · of the month I am opening a bank account. Mark Michelle Off the Wall Education Jealousy Jealousy the green -eyed monster that has been forever living in this world. It makes people pitiful. Distrust can lead a person into becoming a criminal or to be converted in an invidious . Shakespeare talks about heartburning specially in his plays: Richard II and Othello . This apprehensive feeling of being displaced by a rival in affection or favour makes people unhappy . Since ever we have notice that jealousy has b.een around . We can see in clearly with Abel and Cain . Cain felt that rivalry. He didn't realize that he was the one who was yellow-eyed. We can see the Roman Empire's history and again we'll observed doubt, suspi-cion and killing. In the modern world we continue watching how the destiny of people and countries changed because of jealousy . Jealousy as part of the human.life reveals an unstable stage of emotions . Making people into criminals or miserables. . Shakespeare talks about being earnestly , anxiously suspicious in his plays; Richard II and Othello . In Richard II, the play says: Whilst y ou have fed upon my signories, Dispark 'd my parks, and felled my forest woods, from mine own window torn my household coat, Razed out my impress, leaving me no sign, Save men's opinions and my leaving blood, to show the world I am a gentleman. In this part of the play we caught the flash ofloss of temper, "real temper". Jealousy has been around since ever . Only the person who is experiencing this 30 feeling can fight it. Stop the envy or heart burning that only a jealous person can feel. Change their lives for the better. Escaping from being miserable or a criminal. Giovania Rivera That is My Wish I am an immigrant from Hong Kong in May 1992. When I land to here, .I saw any-thing very beauty as more tree in both side of road and more cars running at road that I never see it before. The city is big than Hong Kong . Here air is cleanly. Because I like it. Here all people talking must use English but I don't know. Therefore I certainly to learn English until I would say it. So I to learn English by Mr. Mike . Ifl would to talk and to hear any English that is my desire . Kam Yeung Harem of Literacy and Nu-meracy Women The Downtown Eastside Women's . Centre has a wonderful program that will help women of all ages learn more about math and literacy skills. The program has been in place now for about four months and offers the learner a quiet space to write letters, get assistance with reading and writing skills on an individual's current ability or learn more on the wonders of math . While attending this program, which is sponsored through the Carnegie Adult Learn-Off the Wall ing Education Outreach, students can take advantage of a meal while learning. Those women on Social Assistance whom regularly attend at the Women ' s Centre's program will be able to obtain funding for supplies. Below are three of the women in the Literacy and Numeracy Program that I inter-viewed on February 15, 1993. KAY Since last September, Kay has been volunteering at First United Church located at Gore and Hastings St., as part of the Learning Group on Mondays from 12-3 p.m for the Carnegie Adult Learning Education Outreach Program . This involves using the Educational software which has spelling, math, and ·typing tutoring. Also computer literacy is done to enhance an individual's ability in composing letters, stories and poems . Kay also volun-teers her time through the Carnegie Outreach Program by _giving her time at the Downtown Eastside Women's Centre located at 44 East Cordova St. This is called the Literacy and Numeracy Program and is held on Monday and Wednesday evenings from 5-7 p.m. Her work involves helping women to expand on English and math skills and she has been a part of this since January, 1993. YEE Has an interest sharing with women some of her experiences and skills in learning . Yee has been volunteering with the Adult Education Outreach Program since late No-vember 1992 . Her personal interest is helping women with writing skills but will also focus on basic math up to a Grade 12 level. CHRISTINE On Monday and Wednesday evenings, since the beginning of January , 1993, Christine has been devoting her time at the Downtown Eastside Women's Centre . The focus of her time is teaching math skills and the reason for this is pure enjoyment and satisfaction . Every Monday afternoon between 1-4 p.m., Christine 31 can be found on the 3rd floor of the Carnegie Community Centre in the Adult Education Department, helping people with math up to a Grade 11 level. This article is from Juanita Bilac , a student of the Literacy and Numeracy Pro-gram at the Downtown Eastside Women's Centre since January , 1993 . Juanita Bilac Studies My instincts would do the remem-bering. I was born in the wide open plains of Africa. My idea of freedom is, not sitting behind bars . Questions were: Why would I remember freedom? . Were you born in a zoo? How can you imagine freedom if you haven't seen it? What's your idea of freedom? D.P Carnegie is Happening This is Marty coming at you to drop you a rhyme . I write this stuff at the drop of a dime, But now I'm bustin' loose because it's star time. This is live jive that you're hearing right now I'm heating up this joint so I hope you brought your towel. I'm part of the Carnegie crew learning the graduating ropes It's getting easier every day with others bring-ing up your hopes . Off the Wall That's the kind of generosity that we throw down But we also joke and laugh and sometimes be a clown . What a great place to update your education Stop in some time and check out our learning station We got many cultures of people here plus big and small The one thing we have in common we all are on the ball. Marty Lucas & Wendy Pedersen And what can I say about the tutors and staff except their Great genuine do.wn to earth and just really first rate . · That's why I'm here today so that everyone will know Around this town we got the hottest happen-ing show. Marty Lucas 32 A few weeks ago I awoke in a familiar state. I rolled over to see what time it was, it looked about noon . Trying to figure out the day of the week would have been an exercise in futility so I decided that it didn't matter, for there was little I felt like doing. I went back to sleep only to awaken in a deeper depression. What does one do with themselves when they loose interest in being awake? I suppose they could try and sleep their life away . Only that was no longer working for this cat, for you see I still dreamed of things getting better. I thought of all the things that I would change if I was God and a simple philosophy came to me that had it all covered. I saw that we the people could make a positive difference in this crazy world . It was sadly amusing that solving many of the worlds problems could be tangi-ble, yet I had little desire to get out of bed . Knowing this I had to ask myself, "why don't I want to get up?" The answer was pretty clear, for I could see that it had been some time since I had done any sort of constructive action . My ideals were not being practised and as a result of that I was feeling rather lost and without purpose . I thought about that for a moment. .. . A life without purpose is a life without meaning, it is a shallow existence with little sense of direction. It leaves a person with not much to look forward to and it was definitely not the idea of how I wanted to live my life, yet there I was . I'm not sure what changed my focus at the time, but for some reason I saw a glimpse of hope. I saw that my ideals were in fact mine and that if I would live by them and respect them I would be able to give up this state of discord , freeing my being to move into a more positive realm of life. I asked myself what I could do to best serve my ideals . My answer was to develop my writing skills so that I could better communicate on paper. Off the Wall For now, I lend many essay books from the library to practice English at home. My second short term · goal is trying to get some experience .for doing cooking in restaurants. I'm presently finding a job as a cook helper in a fast food restaurant not far from downtown . I also hope I could learn some methods for cooking hamburgers there. In long term goal, after finishing my high school, I also dream to become an auto-mechanic . Since I was young I was inclined to learn about mechanics . Hoping to finish my vocational school in three years, I hope to get . a job for mechanic or cook in Vancouver. If nothing changes, I could m'ake a good life that it has been set. NguyenPhuc Minh Defiant Pupil He walks around us like a rancher scolding cows . He whips ·us with his words and cuts us with his brows . He sits high on his mighty block and tries to rule us, as ifwe were chickens and he a cock. He walks by and kicks my working blocks . He thinks himseif superior but all I see, is he's inferior . He is a teacher and he molds minds, but mine he will never touch . For I am stronger than he and probably know twice as much. Rodrigo Silva ;Tfl1. --;::z'L 7 ? 34 Otfthe Wall Homefires Religions In Japan Basically, there are two big religions in Japan: Buddhism and Shintoism . Shintoism is originally from Japan . It's based on a legend. In Shintoism, there are many gods: the God of food, the God of water and the God of money are good examples. There are unique objects of worship too . These include a human hair animals, a stone, a sword and a piece of pap~r, for example . Actually, anything can be objects of worship. There are special shrines for health, money , driving and studying . The funniest shrine is for death . If you go to the shrine and pray, you can die without pain when your time comes. Therefore, many old Japanese people go to that shrine. Anyway, this is the main idea of Shintoism. As I said, there are two religions, but in general, I should say there are no believers because these religions became a part of ' Japanese daily life a long time ago. When you visit a normal house in Japan, you can find many Buddhist and Shintoist · things. The Buddhist altar (we call it butsudan) is one of the main symbols ofBud-dhism in the house . This is a place to protect . the spirit of your past husband, wife or your parents. According to Buddhism, after people die, you will become a buddha no matter wliat kind of person you were . When you look around inside of the house again, you can find some shintoist · things. There is a wooden arrow in the corner of the room which protects the family's health and happiness . A little wooden house, which looks like a bird house, is located in the kitchen usually. A God lives in the little house and he protects the kitchen from fire. Every new year's day, people go to a 35 shrine to make a wish for their good health or big success in business. Basically, you can make any kind of wish you want. At the same time, people like to buy talismans to make their wishes come true . These two famous oriental religions became a part of Japanese life. However, in addition to these religions, new religions are appearing nowadays . These are very strange and funny sometimes , but some people believe in them seriously, and they donate a lot of money to be believers. I guess these things are symptoms of corrupt Japanese society. Akihiro Nakamura The Best Day Of My Life: . Christmas is the most important day in my life. Yearly and yearly I never forget about when we talk about Xmas day. Many Christ-mases, they begin preparation for the celebra-tion, alot of joyful song have been prepared by many churches in this world. · The day I will never forget is the day wh~n I was still in my mother land (Uganda) in Afnca. I used to play a musical instrument which is made in our local way. I have the church song during Christmas time period, when you hear the voice of the singing you would believe; that people_ are the one making and you feel that God is with us today . After the servfoe people go back home to celebrate the party. So many device will be program in various parts of the valley, in the city even in town. People are sitting together in order to show the relationship between them in neighbourhood brother and sister. Not only the elder people, even youth do their own, children are also brought together. Off the Wall If we can unite and be together , if we can forgive for those who did mistakes to us and forget, I think we would not come to kill one another. If had been no convict threat and murders . We would have sharing together it would have been no war and hunger in this world any more . Jimmy Ocheng Stocks I was born in Hong Kong, and grew up there . On that little island it is very easy to get money, and also easy to lose money. Now I will tell you a story about stocks . , When stocks are going up many people, including some housewives and housekeepers, take all their money and gamble on stocks . If some people want to earn a lot of money, they play the margin*, or borrow money from the banks, to buy stocks . But if the stocks slide down, they lose all the money or can't pay the balance . They become crazy and some people commit suicide, or escape to another country . * The margin is the difference between what you pay for the stocks and what they're actu-ally worth. May Tam Hong Kong I came from Hong Kong . It is not very big in size. Most of the people who live there are Chinese. They speak Cantonese. The official languages are Chinese and English . ' Hong Kong has a lot of high rises to give people places to live. Transportation includes buses, trains, the subway, mini buses and taxis. The weather is very hot in summer but sometimes it is very cold in winter . It also has a lot of parks . People can go to the parks . The parks have a lot of flowers and many beautiful song birds live there . ,1 In the summer, you can go to the beach to swim. You can see a movie in the theatre. You can buy many things cheaper in Hong Kong, so a lot of travellers go to Hong Kong to buy clothing, jewelry, cameras, cassette players and radios . Hong Kong's citizens are afraid of returning to Mainland China, because they are afraid of punishment. GraceYip May Tam 36 Off the Wall Grandma Whenever she arrives, her mere presence commands attention . It's not that she's pow-erfu l or overbearing or even loud . In fact she's quite meek , mild mannered and not often heard speaking. · And she ' s small, so very small . Her weight has never exceeded 100 pounds, even when she was at term carrying twins, her seventh and eighth children. (She had 11 - all but 2 surviving beyond infancy.) At 4 foot 8 at the most , she's just a little wisp of a thing. But she's not, either . Despite her tiny frame and humble manner, she's a giant. Her lust for life is huge, and like mother's milk, the sharing of it naturally sustains and strengthens her whole family - her 9 living children, their husbands and wives, her 25 grandchildren, of which I'm one, and her 25 (so far) great grand children. · This year, my Grandma turns 90. Though her health and strength seem better , now than ever before, I can't help but realize my days with her in this dimension are some-how limited . I'm thankful for every moment I can still have her as a part of my life and for my inspiration . If I've learned anything from her, it's to be thankful for all I've got, to keep life simple, to ask for little and to celebrate what little I might get. I hope I've inherited her pure passion for life. Thanks Grandma . Michelle Lebeau 37 My Grandma Louise Off the Wall Nature Walking in the Woods One day as I was walking in the woods, · I saw the bees and the birds : And the woods were so quite and peaceful th,at I stayed. for a long time. Then I went for a walk far in the woods and I came to a lovely lake so I got my fishing rod and got myself a nice big fish. But the woods were so lovely with nice flowers and the trees are all nice and green and I seen a cute little house in the woods. And it was a white colour one . So I opened the door and went in. There was an old stove in the kitchen and a bed in the bedroom. But it needed cleaning a bit so I got an old broom and swept the floor and made the house nice and clean. And after all that I didn't leave the woods. So I started for the store and got some food in for myself and I had the cup-board full with food. So that is my story of me and the woods. Albert Anthony 38 Autumn Goes Quiet woodlands so soft and sweet, changing leaves · fall in defeat. So autumn goes. Aged and mellowed, fully sheaved, with hanging wreaths, of the coloured leaves . So autumn goes. Cat-tails shiver, where dew has formed, on its misty fields where its life was born. So autumn goes. The seasons are filled with the good reasons for loving and leaving its life alone . Don't try to put under, enjoy, nature's wonder and leave its life alone. So autumn goes. Gordon Steele Cyril E. Lewis Off the Wall A Fisherman's Wail A cry came out of the East The fish were all gone What will we do for work? What will our children eat? - The Fishermen asked each other . . Who emptied the Sea? Cute furry little Seals They eat a lot of fish Perhaps the Russians With their huge factory ships. Everyone ignoring the cry The fish are getting smaller 39 Cyril E. Lewis But_everyone wanted more Fish Fish till they're gone Then Blame someone else. The fish are all gone. . I Hundreds of old empty Boats Tied to cold deserted docks While the fishermen sit at home Drinking tea, cursing the sea . As a cry comes out of the east The fish are all gone. · Fred J Henderson Off the Wall Soapbox Capital Punishment Capital punishment and its dark ages, "an eye for an eye," philosophy is not a benefit to anyone. It is out and out murder! Capital punishment doesn't punish nor reha-bilitate~ it tortures and brings out sadistic delight in the primitive area of the mind of those involved. But most of all, it makes barbarians out each one of us. First of all, the wilful taking of a life, for whatever reason, is murder and should not be condoned for any reason. For example: two wrongs don't make a right, ie: murder + murder= the greatest wrong of all. Secondly, penology should be reserved for punish-ment with the goal of rehabilitation . Teach the offender not to kill, but for Gods sake don't kill them. Most of all, when society as a whole takes satisfac-tion in putting ·some-one to death, then it becomes barbaric. In conclusion, when society wilfully puts human beings to death, all that we believe in and abide by is shaken and we are cast into Hell on Earth. Lee Martin Why Lady Justice Is Blind There is a statue in this world that is blind. Since the statue has been made, man has probably asked this question: "Why is she blind?" She stands tall and lean. In one hand she holds the scale of good and bad, or, love and hate, however you see them . She holds them steady . It is man who decides which way -the scale should go . In the other hand she holds a scimitar. To me it means the sword or' righteousness and the death sentence - the only way to send evil back to hell - with one quick sweep you will surely die. Now, the reason why she is blind . . Lady Justice wears the blind-fold for a reason arid that is so she can'f see the ignorance mankind does . The thing we do for money or power is so bad that the Laoy Justice has to hide· her tears of suffering. At least, that is how It looks to me. .J. ( Cyril E. Lewis Another beer . Another year Mark it off the calendar same as before but with . a bit more flailing intensity Creeping . , . it comes Lee Martin creeping 40 Off the Wall unnoticeably upon us equipped with unclassifiable tranquillizing weaponry across our twitching bodies sleep through an indifferent alarm and never wake up screw the new year Ricky Heldt Anger - How to Arrest it. I got so angry at some people for what they did to me, I saw red in my eyes . When I get angry, I'm afraid and I start shaking all over . How I get rid of anger, I burn sweet grass . I holler out loud as hard as I can in Stanley Park. I have a special tree there that is sacred to me. I just grab the tree and hug it. Then, I cry. When I cry, it is like a river flowing to the ocean. I cried for an hour yesterday. I was abused as a child, and when I was 13 my father was killed in front of me. Slowly the tears turn into laughter. Laughter is good healing too. My grandfather said: "When you have a clear day, it is an angry day and when you have a cloudy day, it is a beautiful day". If you can live under your skin, you can love yourself If you can't live under your skin, you can't love yourself or others . You cannot judge a rabbit by the colour of its skin. God loves you all, so do I. The sky pukes Drowns the new-born revolution In disgust In contempt for us Curdled sperm/dead egg Painting on the cellular wall We need a scapegoat . To take the rap for us all Chosen with a railway spike In the head of a dream Some weird self-mutilation ritual To externalize the pain View your own autopsy Wounds cauterized with an arcwelder's ·kiss Hard boiled eye balls in the egg-slicer of desfre How could you do this to me? How could I do this to you? I . . Ricky Heldt Within the Smell of the Earth In different parts of the world, . Man pollutes the world . as a result, we have acid rain, which destroys the earth . When are the politi-cians going to wake up and smell the pollution? How can they smell Terry Flamond Terry Flamand 41 Off the Wall when they fly above the pollution with the tax payers' money? Not signed Violence in School and Policies Against That High schools in Canada are now con-fronting the problems of student's violence . Violence has occurred because certain stu-dents have been intimidating others by scaring them in order to compel them to pay protec-tion money . Many of the problems of these youth gangs come from the movies, lack of educa-tion, family life as well as neighbourhoods and friends of bad influence. The lack of social education causes most · of these problems. The many violent television shows causes the youth of today to want to imitate it. Sometimes parents used to practice the violence and other types of criminal behav-iours which acts as .a bad example . There are many cases of single parents who are unable to look after them, have not brought up their children properly and the children are brought up without the necessary figure of either . The needs at home and the problems which the parents most commonly face is that they can't afford to meet needs. The students often have to resolve these themselves . Sometimes the parents .and relatives punish their children if they don't get money for them . Many of the students and parents like to buy drugs with the money that they earn from other students. Neighbourhoods are full of people who are dedicated to organized crime. This also occurs in some of the schools because in some way the students teach and learn form each others . As soon as possible the police, parents , 42 teachers, school officials, and students must stop violence inside the schools. The police have to gain the confidence of the students by making policies against violence . In certain cases they may have to arrest all students who practice extortion and keep them in jail with-out parole . The police will have to work with teach-ers, students and parents. In this way the police comply with their duties and will gain the confidence of the society because times are changing. Violence is on increase in many places · and is not only found in the schools . Schools have to impose policies to stop violence. Education without violence must be the first topic that they have to learn . The school programs in these cases will have to be organ-ized by parents, teachers, school officials and the students themselves. · The government must send social work-ers to the homes of violent students . Student councils at school must condemn all violence and make the students involved in violence known. The parents of violent students or their guardians must participate more closely in the lives of their children. Give them love, advice and supervise the free time. In particular, be concerned about who the friends are . The Ordinary man Mulroney called me from Ottawa · Said he needed me to talk Joe Average, the ordinary man Yes I gµess that's me Why I fit right in I'm the man with nothing How more ordinary can you get I don't have money or anything Even my dreams are gone Mulroney wanted to know Eyda Off the Wall What the ordinary man thinks With hunger Burning your Belly Your children to Bed hungry Mulroney was interested to know As he turns Canada into Ethiopia I don't mind the Hunger I can even stand the pain But its getting close to election time And I know he'll do the same again I try hard not to see · The tears in my children's eyes Mulroney phoned and asked me What I would do if I were him I'd shoot all the lawyers And I'd hang all the Businessmen Fred J. Henderson Jesus spent three days suffering for the sins of "men", not thirty-three trying to sing the blues over and over again. J. Burchat Lies When man lies he murders a part of the world These are the pale deaths which men miscall their lives All this I cannot bear to w~tness any longer Cannot the kingdom of Salvation take me home?? Noah Sake Equality I feel that society is not equal because of many differences. We are equal with our emotions. We all feel the same. We all have the same desires. But as far as equality is concerned, with education, disabilities and language, there are many differences. I do not know now how we can say that everyone has an equal opportunity as far as work. Right now is not many jobs for many people, hous-ing, renting increases, etc . How can we say that we have equal opportunities? We can't. I personally don't know the answer to this dilemma. Cathy Grant Steve Lentinello Off the Wall Streets THE ACCIDENT He's dead He's dead He fell down the stairs and hit his head He's dead He's dead He's through He's through chop him up that's what we'll do He's through He's through Dig deep Dig deep bury him now so his bones will keep dig deep dig deep right here right here just beneath the cellar stairs right here right here Shovel in shovel in just in case they look for him shovel in shovel in its done its done but really now we've just begun its done its done come close come close and I'll tell you what you fear the most I TRIPPED HIM. Matt Thomson 44 Only the Lonely Being rejected for a long time People ignoring you for asking for a dime. Everyone walks by you with a dirty look They think I must be some kind of crook. I'm hungry and hurting on the inside All I remember is I cried when I tried. Being the only lonely of the night Walking the streets sometimes ended in a fight. When you' re down and near the end That's when I needed a friend. I asked myself where I went wrong My head was beating with a song . That was the only thing that kept me strong . Steve Lentine/lo Freddie's Cafe Savanah always sat on a stool at the end of the bar in the Blackstone Hotel. She 'didn't solicit or call anyone to her side. Yet, should a gentleman approach her, Savanah would whisper in her sultry voice, "I'll make your chest heave and your heart throb and your legs go weak all for fifty bucks." Then she'd take them by the hand and lead them upstairs . And they'd all come down with smiles on their faces. They said: "The sex was great," some said "Wonderful." But I paid Savanah many times just to hear her say in her soft southern drawl: "I'll make your chest heave and your heart throb and your legs go weak, all for fifty bucks ." I hired her to work in my restaurant where she'd lean over the customer and whis-per in her soft, southern drawl: "Try the meat Off the Wall Fred J. Henderson loaf It'll make your chest heave and your heart throb, and your legs go weak." And they always took the special and left her hefty tips while Savanah always wrote her name and number on the back of the check. I found Savanah to be an excellent waitress, but sometimes, while L was cooking in the kitchen, she'd creep up behind me and whisper in my ear : "I'll make your chest heave and your heart throb, and your legs go weak, all for fifty bucks ." My customers were always surprised when I ylosed up early in the afternoon, some-times even in the mornings, on very shaky legs. Fred J Henderson December Morning - Preaching .'. 1-, .. Tije most natural thing we can do is love in it's purest, truest, most simple terms. Real, uncomp1icated love is not something that we 45 learn to do. Its something that is inside us from the moment of conception in the womb. There is no thinking or reasoning to it. Love just is, in much the same way that life is. Yet, we can't say why we live or love. Only, that wedo. Eave is first expressed in the cry of life as we gasp and are shocked with our first taste of air at birth. Although we will probably never remember it this is the moment we fully experience the feeling of true love. Love that is of the heart and soul, untarnished by thought or reason. Love is a fragile treasure. Before we can understand anything, when our life is that of a newborn aI1;d later as a developing baby,_ we give our love unquestioning . At first our love is returned to us with wonder and awe. Nothing is tarnished and our love grows. As we grow, we start to try and under-stand ourselves. Who we are and how we fit into this world . It starts so simply. We dis-cover our fingers and hands and come to understand that they are part of us. A part that we can direct and control. We learn that what we do affects what others do. We start thinking that if we cry then someone who loves us and because we love them, will either feed us, change us or put us to bed. What a wonderful feeling. If we are loved or do love, then we can start controlling what happens around us and what happens to us. The love we are born with remains ever pure and a part of us, but now we start_ putting it away, hiding it. We have started to feel something else. This something else we start believing to be love. It is a mere shadow of real love. Love has no measure, no comparisons, no thinking. It just is. This new thing, that we start believing to be love, has conditions to it. As we grow older, what we believe to be love demands to be quantified and qualified at every turn. Each time we let this false feeling grow, the more we believe it to be love. At first it helps us grow. (If you love me, then you would be good for Mommy/ Off the Wall Daddy). We start learning that we must prove that we have "love" by making others feel good. Even if making them feel good , makes us feel bad, used or hurt. We later learn that we can, also, get what we want by saying "If you love me then you would do ..... " This false love we equate to pleasure, pain, confu-sion, rage, passion and anger. It sometimes becomes a tool of owner-ship or the instmment of control, torture and abuse. It still hides behind the name of love. This false love is believed in and confuses us. It is the trusted false friend of each ofus . This is the "love" created in our mind. This love when used or is given creates control situations. It can either take owner-ship of someone else or give ownership of ourselves to someone else. It has no respect for either . ourselves or for that matter, anyone else. It can be measured, compared and described in detail. In its measurement, com-parison and description, it always takes some-thing from either ourselves or others . It can make us try to be other than who we are. Most of us will ./ive our lives with this love, the false love of the mind. We will never know it to be false. It will be real, true love, in our minds, because we give it life by believing in it. We might discover that what we be-lieved to be love, never really was love. With all the strength of our mind we fight to keep believing in this feeling we have created and called love. It becomes so confusing as we discover the real love that we knew at birth. It's so easy to clutch to the last tendrils of false love. False love we can talk about in terms that we and someone else can under-stand . We can justify our actions and exist-ence in terms of this type of love. This false love allows us to drift in the turbulent tides and storms oflife while stepping aside from our responsibility to ourselves. Real love, the love at birth, is just felt and is known to each of us in terms beyond description . It is this love, the real love, that will never mislead us . Real love, with a leap 46 of faith, should always be allowed to lead us · because it will never knowingly hurt us or anyone else. It takes nothing away and yet gives everything to the person who has it and the persons who receive it. The only confusion with real love is we try to make it fit our understanding of the false love we had believed in. Real love like life is a precious treasure which is known by its exist-ence and by being experienced . A. Richard Debney The Lineup The lineup of shivering humanity ex-tended damn near around the corner to Grant Street in the early morning sleet. The clock inside said the doors would be open for busi-ness in another seven and three quarter min-utes . Armand always opened up right on the ol' button . Not a minute earlier, not a minute later. Damn that Armand. A bum was patiently whittling the sec-onds away, contentedly staring away at him. It looked to him like he'd slept under a bridge in the soggy, plaid, zootsuit that he had un-doubtedly liberated from a Salvation Army clothing bin. Intense, troubled eyes gazed vacantly out from a weather-beaten, unshaven face. He didn't blink when his filthy finger, that jutted from a ratty torn glove, reached remorsefully up to his furrowed eye, to wipe a tear . Intolerance and compassion for his unwanted, gawking, fellow line-mate welled up deep inside his stomped-down inner being. Affinity that bordered on compassion reluc-tantly rose in his calloused, intolerant heart for this watchful, broken counterpart of planet 'Downtown'. An intolerance mixed graciously with compassion that had melded into baffling confusion. It would be nice if one could choose who one could stand near in line-ups. "Sn what's your problem?" he offhand-edly asked his tearful, intense observer. Ques-Off the Wall tioning the soggy bum sarcastically from the side of his closed mouth so no one could hear. This only caused the bum to stare more in-tensely. "Said what's your problem!" he antago-nistically reasserted. Silent rage emerged on the aging wino's tattered expression. No movement ·happened to tell him this. The tramp's face was a mask of no expressions. A clever front, re-enforced by his constant smothering of his ever-hungry addictions in sweet alcohol, burying the inner fire of one more child of a thoughtless society. An inner fire, that was unthinkingly doused by a fami-ly's blame and ten thousand too many bottles of cheap wine. His only movement was in his eyes. Hateful, challenging eyes, that locked with his. "So what's your problem, asshole!" His beady black eyes narrowed to tiny crusty slits as he dropped his butt to the slushy De-cember pavement. Crushing it slowly and meaningfully under one of his unmatched, plastic-bag wrapped boots, he inched the hole infested rubbers farther apart. Steadying his drunken stance, he was ready to do battle. The lineup had moved on and left them alone. "I said, what's your bloody problem, asshole!" His scruffy, menacing reflection in the liquor store's plate glass window peered back at him and pointed an accusing, filthy finger in a ratty tom glove, then whispered, "You are ... " BillyM Hastings and Main: The Cheryl Ann Joe Memorial Are you standing on the comer waiting for the light to change? Look around, do you see me? I am a woman . Maybe the woman standing beside you, behind you, in front of you, the 47 woman walking toward you, walking away from you, or perhaps I am the woman only in your mind. Are you standing at the bus stop waiting for a ride? Look around, do you see me? I am a woman. Maybe the woman waiting also. The woman standing. beside you, behind you, in front of you, the woman walking toward you, walking away from, or perhaps I am the woman only in your mind. Are you sitting in a cafe? Look around, do you see me? I am a woman. Maybe the woman sitting beside you, sitting across from you, the . woman standing taking your order, walking away, returning with your food, or perhaps I am the woman only in your mind. Have our eyes met or do I carefully avoid you and your eyes? Have you noticed what I look like - am I short, tall, somewhere in between -slender, plump, ,fat - and my colour: black, brown, white, yellow, red . My measurements, my statistics do you know them? Here, let me measure myself for you. My statistics are: -1 out of 3 women will be raped during her lifetime, -1 out of 5 girls is sexually assaulted before she is 18, -60% of rapes, most battering and child sexual assault, happens in the home, -54% of women in relationship with a man will be hit by him, -right now here in Canada a woman is raped every 1 7 minutes, -right now, here in Canada a woman is the victim of male violence every 6 minutes . Look around, I am a woman, do you see me? The woman beside you, behind you, before you, the woman moving toward you, moving away from you. I am the woman only in your mind. Julia Brooke The UBC Library and UBC Learning Exchange would like to thank the following participants for their contributions to digitizing this community-generated document: Adrienne Macallum; Graham Cunningham This community-generated work was digitized and deposited to cIRcle, UBC's open access digital repository, as part of the Digitizing Community Memories project of the Making Research Accessible in the Downtown Eastside initiative (MRAi). In collaboration with the UBC Learning Exchange and UBC Library, the project provided training and support for community members in the Downtown Eastside to digitize and make openly available community-generated materials.  This project aimed to increase access to historic Carnegie Centre publications and preserve these unique materials for years to come.  For more information on this project and the UBC Learning Exchange, please visit learningexchange.ubc.ca  September 27, 2017 

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