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The place you thought you knew : personal memory as precedent in the architectural design process Hardy, Pera 2019-04

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iPera HardyTHE PLACE YOU THOUGHT YOU KNEWby Pera Hardy Bachelor of Architecture, British Columbia Institute of Technology, 2013Appendix E: Graduation Part II Final ReportSubmitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Master of Architecture in the Faculty of Applied Sciencepersonal memory as precedent in the architectural design process© April 2019 Pera HardyAdvisor / ChairCommittee MembersJohn BassArchitect AIBC, Associate Professor, Architecture, SALABill PechetArchitect AIBC, Associate Professor, Architecture, SALARoy CloutierIntern Architect AIBCNicole SylviaIntern Architect AIBCii The Place You Thought You KnewFigure 1Guided Meditation JourneyiiiPera HardyAbstractWhat pieces of our past remain with us, and why? The scalability and malleability of our memories means that no physical space is ever lived, remembered, seen, or felt the same way from one occupant to the next. The architectural original becomes awash in a sea of interpreted experiences. We glean selected moments and fragments from the spaces we occupy, and we modify and reinterpret them to inform our understandings of what comes next. The built reality of these moments and fragments have architectural implications; we physically embody them, and we can also create them. We generate new occupiable moments in the translation between selective remembrance and desire. The process is personal, and the product is infinite. The place you thought you knew is ever changing into places of what could be.This thesis is a study of personal experience in architecture, and how selected memories can become valid precedents in the individual design process. Beginning with a study in the associations of the subconscious mind and using meditation as a tool to investigate free thought, this project investigates the personal as a way to contextualize the universal, and to affirm individual intuition as a valid source of knowledge. Using intuition, memory and emotion in design are under-supported as informative factors in contemporary architectural design work. This thesis seeks to understand the possibilities of personal association, desire, reflection, and memory as base points for creative design decisions and generative space making; acknowledging their place in the artistry of architectural thinking and experimentally testing their limitations. iv The Place You Thought You KnewTable of ContentsFront Matter Abstract Table of Contents List of Figures AcknowledgementIntroduction Project Background DefinitionsResearching the Subconscious The Mind  Beauty and Intuition Authenticity and Universality Access + MemorySpatial Meditations Audio Meditations Methodology FindingsSite Visits Location Methodology Memory Mapping Findingsiiiivviviii291416222427303235404251vPera HardyTesting Phenomena Phenomena Manipulations Small Building DesignsIterative Workflow  Methodology WorkThe Place You Thought You Knew Description Model DrawingsConclusion Summary BibliographyAppendicesAppendix A - Spatial Visualizations + MeditationsAppendix B - Meditation Audio File ScriptsAppendix C - Meditation PackagesAppendix D - Meditation ResponsesAppendix E - Atlanta Visit JournalAppendix F - Photographs of Atlanta555965678385879598vi The Place You Thought You KnewList of FiguresFigure # Title Page #1 Guided Meditation Journey ii2 Shulamite, Anselm Kiefer 33 Black Iris, Georgia O’Keeffe 64 In the Beginning, Anselm Kiefer 125 The Mind 156 Three Points 177 Meditation A Narrative Drawings 298-9 Contributed Meditations 3310 Tea Party in Atlanta 3511 Map of Atlanta 3812 Memory Collage of Brown’s House 4313 Memory Collage of Holy Trinity Church 4414 Memory Collage of Your Dekalb Farmer’s Market 4515 Memory Collage Box of Brown’s House 4616 Memory Collage Box of Your Dekalb Farmer’s Market 4617 Memory Collage Box of Holy Trinity Church 4718 Memory Journey Through the Brown’s House 4819 Memory Journey Through Your Dekalb Farmer’s Market 4920 Memory Journey Through Holy Trinity Church 5021 Revisiting Holy Trinity Church 5222-30 Architectural Phenomena of Memory 5331 Spatial Manipulation of Holy Trinity Church 5632 Spatial Manipulation of Holy Trinity Church 5733 Spatial Manipulation of Holy Trinity Church 5834-36 Urban Site Versions 6037-39 Field Site Versions 61viiPera Hardy40-42 Forest Site Versions 6243-44 Tower Outhouse Small Building Design 6345 Editing Memories of Camping Experiences 6746 Designed Journey from Camping Memory 6847-48 Abstract Model of Moments 6949 Developed Drawing from Concept Model 7050-57 Constructed Moments from Concept Model 7158 Developed Moment from Concept Model 7259 Designed Journey from Model Study 7260 Model Moment Study 7361 Model Moment Study 7462 Developed Drawing from Model Study 7563 Developed Moment from Concept Model 7664 Designed Journey from Model Study 7665 Moment Model Study 7766 Moment Model Study 7867 Developed Drawing from Model Study 7968 Developed Moment from  Concept Model 8069 Designed Journey from Model Study 8070-71 Moment Model Study 8172 Collapsed Moment Model Journeys 8473-74 Final Model 8575-81 Selected Moments from Model 8682-83 Developed Moments from Model 8784-85 Developed Moments from Model 8886-87 Developed Moments from Model 8988-89 Developed Moments from Model 9090 Detail of Developed Drawing from Model 9191 Developed Drawing from Model 9292 Journey Designed from Model 93viii The Place You Thought You KnewAcknowledgementI would like to personally thank and acknowledge the support of the following people for their assistance throughout this project: my advisor and project Chair, John Bass and my committee members, Bill Pechet, Roy Cloutier, and Nicole Sylvia;external support and faculty members including Tony Osbourn and Leslie Van Duzer;my family members including mother, Cathy Hardy, my father, Brent Hardy, and my sister, Brianna Hardy;my friends and peers for their community, love and support, andfinal production volunteers including Jeremy Schipper, Jordan Haylor, Samara Visram, and Mika Ishizaki.This project owes a debt of gratitude to all those who contributed their time, energy, listening ears and belief. Thank you. 1Pera HardyIntroduction2 The Place You Thought You KnewProject BackgroundAs architects, we perpetually project our personalities and ourselves into our work. The process of design is a curious marriage of subjectivity, taste, intuition and instinct with reason, rationale, history, research, and consultation. The mystery central to the design process is explored in Rayner Banham’s concept of the architectural black box; the idea that the work that occurs in the conceptualizing of architecture - the process itself - is what defines the practice of architecture and yet is also inherently indefinable. This design process requires input from creative sources that are unique to each person, and are therefore subjective, difficult to define, and challenging to compare, catalogue or quantify. Therefore, these processes often are post-rationalized, rarely discussed and dismissed on the grounds of being invalid. And yet, this unique quality of creation is what separates architecture as a profession. As creative problem solvers, the infusion of our unique selves into our work and our design process is the element of artistry in what we do. It is the aspect of our work that allows us to offer more than a purely rational interpretation of our surroundings. In understanding ourselves, our desires, our sensations and our memories, we allow ourselves to richly design space which embodies the aspects of ourselves which others can then relate to. In understanding what gives space meaning to us, we can give meaning back to others. As we call on memory or past understanding place, we use different aspects of our minds. The design process can be considered a reciprocal relationship between our right brain and our left brain, as one side processes facts, statistics and rational information, and the other conceptualizes these ideas into the abstract. These modes of thinking support each other, and our method of engaging both of them is essential to creative and 3Pera HardyFigure 2Shulamite, Anselm Kiefercritical thinking.However, architectural discourse has focused primarily on the rational, systematic and objective truths in architectural since World War 1, as a way of grounding the architect’s role in practicality and staking out the profession’s worth. Our systems for interpreting the world around us were turned into modes of mechanization and systematization, and this happens increasingly in a world of digital technology and building information modeling. In addition to the advent of these tools, there is an inherent distrust in the intangible process of architecture itself and the act of design. Le Corbusier in his Modulor summed up his feelings on the matter of ‘feminine architecture’ when he called analysis from the point of view of 4 The Place You Thought You Knewthe compass (or the subjective) “dangerous”. This opinion towards that which is grounded in a subjective way of the world is deemed unworthy of validity in the architectural process. Words such as ‘intuition’, or ‘beauty’ or ‘feminine’ are religiously avoided in architectural discourse. The architect is afraid to admit to the intangibility of their own process for fear of not being able to rationalize it. This fear relates to architecture’s identity crisis about our own validity in an increasingly mechanized world. We know that our skills are unique, essential and necessary, but we do not know how to discuss them, because we do not know how to discuss the inherent mystery, subjectivity and intuitive aspects of our own work. Every architect engages in a process of intuitive communication with themselves when undertaking a design project. This happens consciously or subconsciously, but it is an essential part of creative work. Intuition is often misunderstood as some type of psychic clairvoyance; a gift that some people may hold but others don’t. In reality, intuition is a form of knowledge that comes without conscious awareness. In other words, intuition is the knowledge that is communicated to us from our subconscious. Our subconscious is the part of our mind that operates in a way that we cannot actively control or are aware of. Our subconscious works by accessing a repository of stored information from our own experiences. While not necessarily memory, these experiences tend to be qualitative and experiential. We hold onto aspects of knowing or experiencing the world around us that cannot be explained through purely ‘left brain’ analysis. This type of experience is often called ‘embodied experience’, and is discussed in the work of Luis Barragan, Juhani Pallassma and Wim Van den Bergh. The types of experiences that resonate with us and hold us are those which tend to be kinesthetic; in other words, they affect all five of our senses and are intensely physical. Our body and mind have emotional and physical reactions to space, which 5Pera Hardyaffect us in ways that we cannot articulate. This inarticulate, physical awareness is also the definition of beauty. In Polyphilo, Alberto Pérez Gómez and Colonna Francesco are obsessed with the concept of an ‘erotic architecture’; one that is experienced through the senses and communicates its beauty to us in embodied methods. Beauty is inherent in our work; it manifests in the memories we hold and the way that we experience the world. Elaine Scarry’s work claims that beauty begets more beauty; it inspires the creation of itself, and generates further creativity in the world.Beauty is inherent to our design process; it is the means and the ends of our own intuitive processes. It is subjective and universal at the same time, and is essential for creativity. As architects, when we learn to understand the role our subconscious plays in the design process, we can begin to understand and reclaim our relationship with beauty. Because I believe that the process of accessing the subconscious and understanding what is beautiful is deeply personal, my project is inherently a personal exploration of subconscious space. I have conducted research into other architects design processes, but ultimately it is impossible to know their own ways of accessing their subconscious. As well, I believe it is egotistical to claim that what I access in my own subconscious process is universal and can be applied to solutions for other people. Therefore, I am wary of using an entirely intuitive process to generate a design project for some type of public consumption. I acknowledge the fact that architectural design is a balance of left brain and right brain thinking, and that in reality, this type of intuitive, subconscious work is done in collaboration with a rational analysis. One way that we project ourselves consistently into our work is through 6 The Place You Thought You KnewFigure 3 Black Iris, Georgia O’Keeffe7Pera Hardythe application of our embodied memories. When we create, our brains often combine images of places, experiences, feelings and memories that we have known before. We embody spaces that are unique, powerful, or surprising1 - certain elements of space stay with us. We manipulate these images in our minds; we recall them, re-project them and then spatialize them in our work. We create through our interpretation of what we have known and what we will know. The way that we use our memories to embody, abstract, project and create space is inherent to how we function as architects. It is deeply personal, it is subjective, it is laden with meaning, and it is profound. This abstraction and application of ourselves through our selective memories has deep implications on the way we occupy space and the way that we design it for others. In understanding my own memories of space through childhood exploration, I hope to explore the gaps between what is real, what is imagined, what is created and what is experienced to understand its influence on my own interpretation and development of space. In understanding this translation between memory and reality, I hope to more thoroughly understand the way that our own humanity comes through in the work that we do. Our experiences in places shape the way that we relate to types of space. If I have a traumatic memory of a brick school building, and I embody this memory into the types of space I design, the way I design schools for children will forever be impacted by my subconscious experience. Every child’s memory of a single space will be entirely different. As architects, it’s important for us to be aware of how our pasts and our projections can affect others. I understanding our memories and experiences, we become aware of they shape our future decisions about space. This project developed with the intention to  open up a conversation about 1Yates, the Art of Memory, pg. 108 The Place You Thought You Knewthe architectural process, about beauty, and intuition as being inherent to our work as designers. I want to de-mystify the role of the architect as an purely rational being, and to destigmatize the role of the personal narrative in the act of creation. Without the person and the personal, there is no artistry in what we do. Architecture demands an opinion about space; it demands an interpretation; a projection - where else does this come but from oneself, in response to the world? Where else does this come but from our imperfect, subjective, emotionally-laden accumulations of spatial awareness around us? The subconscious projection of memory into architecture is inherent to the necessary subjectivity of the design process. Beauty is created through authenticity, and authenticity is manifested in the unique ways that we embody, distort and re-project the spaces we’ve known into our work.9Pera HardyDefinitionsArchetype  |  An underlying psychic idea or broad concept, such as rebirth, heroic quest, or individuation, and can be represented in symbols. They are almost entirely abstract and represent movements, processes or ideals.Authenticity  |  Original, true to self, with integrity. Black Box  |  The inherently mysterious process of design that defines architectural work as distinct from other disciplines.Collective Unconscious  |  The structures of the unconscious mind which are shared among beings of the same species, as defined by Carl Jung.Conscious  (Mind)  |  The thoughts, memories and emotions that an individual is aware of. Ego  |  The sense of identity and existence that regulates and commands thoughts, feelings, senses, and access to memory; the threshold between the conscious and unconscious mind. Embodied Image  |  The imprint of a place on our senses; a memory which remains in our psyches through its physical affectations, and is generated through a kinaesthetic experience. Individuation  |  The process of transforming one’s psyche by bringing the personal and collective unconscious into the conscious mind; the process of psychological differentiation, for the development of the personality. Irrational  |  That which is unable to be justified or logically explained.10 The Place You Thought You KnewKinaesthetic Experience  |  An experience of place which envelops the faculty of all five senses, generating an embodied image. Meditation  |  A practice of focusing ones mind for a period of time with the purpose of achieving greater clarity or peace. This can also be understood as a strategy for accessing the personal unconscious. Memory  (Explicit)  |  Conscious storage and recollection of data.Memory (Implicit)  |  Unconscious storage and recollection of data. Myth  |  A story which is fictional yet has holds cultural truths.Narrative  |  A sequence of events which constructs a frame of reference or viewpoint. Objective  |  The opposite of subjective; that which has a basis in grounded fact, reality or the rational. Paradox  |  A self-contradictory or irrational relationship or conclusion between simultaneously dependent but opposing elements.Personal Unconscious (Mind)  |  The thoughts, memories and emotions that an individual experiences but is unaware of, has forgotten or repressed. Poiesis  |  Loveliness, charm, or attractiveness as one of essential three components of architecture, as defined by Vitruvius, in addition to praxis and techne.Praxis  |  Utility, or function,  as one of essential three components of architecture, as defined by Vitruvius, in addition to poesis and techne.11Pera HardyProjection  |  An automatic process by which the contents of one’s own unconscious are perceived in other works or people, as defined by Carl Jung.Psyche  |  The mind; comprised of the ego, the conscious and the unconscious (both collective and personal), as defined by Carl Jung.Rational  |  That which can be explained through logic, reason or fact. Repression  |  The unconscious supression of aspects of the psyche that are incompatible with the conscious, which can often result in buried memories or ideas. Shadow Self  |  Hidden or unconscious aspects of oneself, or the embodiment of that which is repressed by the conscious self; often uncovered through intentional meditation. Subconscious  |  A synonym for ‘unconscious’; a more colloquial term. Subjective  |  The opposite of objective; that which is inherently biased, or based in opinion rather than rational logic or fact. Symbol  |  Visual forms, figures, images or objects which are never entirely abstract but used to represent ideas or archetypes through the image-making nature of the psyche. Techne  |  Firmness, stability, and technical consistency,  as one of essential three components of architecture, as defined by Vitruvius, in addition to poesis and praxis.Universality  |  That which is applicable beyond the personal self and has meaning in the collective unconscious. 12 The Place You Thought You KnewFigure 4In the Beginning, Anselm Kiefer“There’s this one room, 22, at the very end, and I just thought I’d go and check it out. When I walked in, this weird feeling came back to me from when I was a kid; we would drive to my grandmother’s house. And you have the ocean in the background, the feeling, the weird colours; even the smells and stuff. It was everything I was out after to get. The feeling and the atmosphere of the inn.”- Todd Saunders discussing his design of the Fogo Island Inn and how it created a feeling of deja-vu about being at his grandmother’s house in the documentary “Strange and Familiar: Architecture on Fogo Island” 13Pera HardyResearching the Subconscious14 The Place You Thought You KnewThe MindHow much of our design decisions are made on a subconscious level? So much of how we think happens in the realm of our minds that we are not aware of. Psychologists such as Carl Jung have spent entire careers trying to understand the role of the unconscious mind and how it functions. Jungian theory states that the unconscious is trying to bring information to light in the rational mind; that everything known unconsciously seeks outward manifestation. In this sense; it is not futile to try to ‘explain the unexplainable’, it is a natural human impulse to uncover, discover and understand what our minds are trying to tell us. This diagram is abstracted from work done by Andrew Levitt, an architect and psychologist, who claims that the unconscious mind communicates through images; dreams, meditations, shadows and intuition. The conscious mind is our outward manifestation of these ideas; often rationalized into forms, or real ‘Architecture’. The ego protects, managest and manipulates ideas. In other words, the ego crosses the threshold of conscious to unconscious, which is an important place to be. This is where discovery happens. This threshold of awareness is incredibly important, as the way that we translate the images from our subconscious mind into our rational mind is the moment at which we recognize ideas. The unconscious mind generates, or creates, and the ego translates. 15Pera Hardy“Everything in the unconscious seeks outward manifestation”- Carl Jung, Memories, Dreams, Reflections. Chapter VIII: The Tower, pg. 16Figure 5The Mind16 The Place You Thought You KnewWim Van den Bergh discusses in ‘The Interface Between Experience and Intuition’ how architects often make decisions on an intuitive level that support and enhance our rational decisions as we work in architecture. These types of decisions come from a subconscious level of thinking which we understand as intuition. In reality, he argues, this knowledge comes from a type of ‘embodied experience’, of learning, growing and testing out real life situations from which we can develop an awareness of our surroundings, a sensitivity to our conditions and create memories from which we draw new meanings and associations, though often this happens in a subconscious way. Beauty in our surroundings is necessary because our embodied sensations (and therefore memories) are stronger when we are impacted by space, and these stored memories exist subconsciously to serve our intuitions. Beauty is defined as that which generates a ‘kinaesthetic experience’; one that affects all our faculties of sensation – not just sight – and therefore more greatly resonates with us. These experiences cannot be solely documented in photographs or drawings but must be experienced, and the full impact cannot be replicated, it can only be remembered.Vitruvius understood this requirement for beauty as the third part of the great trinity of architecture: form, function and materialization. The architect’s role is understood as the embodiment of these qualities in a trinity of poiesis (loveliness, charm, attractiveness), techne (firmness, stability, technical consistency), and praxis (utility). Why have we lost the concept of materialization of a third, essential aspect to architecture? Is it because we do not know how to define it? It is unique to form, but often its definition gets confused with that which is ‘formal’. If we understood Beauty and Intuition17Pera Hardybeauty as that which we intuitively identify with as sensually impactful on a subconscious level, and understood how our subconscious mind functioned in its appreciation of space, we may give greater meaning to this quality.Figure 6Three Points18 The Place You Thought You KnewThe myth of Polyphilo addresses similar concepts: it argues for an appreciation of our natural sensual impulses as a formation of architecture, claiming that “architectural meaning like erotic knowledge, is primarily of the body and happens in the world…and as such it can never be reduced to pure objectivity or subjectivity” (xvi). Again, this is an understanding of beauty being a concept which is felt in the body, internalized and communicated nonverbally – thus expressing itself subconsciously in what architects may understand as intuitive decision making. This physical appreciation for the built world is constantly internalized by the architect, experienced over and over and drawn upon later as an embodied memory, using subconscious strategies that are not often understood, and are very frequently post-rationalized.If we can understand how we use our subconscious thought, we can feed the repository from which it generates ideas, we can trust its insights and we can help rebalance our society’s value system that engages with architectural work. Van den Bergh notes that we do not value intuition in our modern society because it is not objective, and not rational, which leads to an imbalanced valuation system, which results in “a kind of suspicion of the discipline of architecture in general and…expresses itself in the almost blind trust that most people have in the so-called specialists and engineers involved in the architectural process” (Van den Bergh, 13).Understanding the generation of our own intuitive impulses, understanding the functions of our own subconscious and how we experience beauty in the world around us can help us to trust in our creative instincts as problem-solving mechanisms, and to explore our ever-growing repositories of subconscious places and solutions.Beauty is a contentious word in architecture because it is seen as subjective, irrational, and unquantifiable. The search of beauty is often derided as an 19Pera Hardyegotistical venture in modern discussions around architecture, as architects have increasingly sought to rationalize, justify and diagram their designs into irrefutable arguments so that their role remains validated. And yet, so much of what the architect does is in the intangible, as architecture is not just a reduction of quantifiable relationships.Architects respond to beauty. They take the practical and convert it into something more, something that creates a response in people. We respond to beauty, we react to it, and we are affected by it. So, how is beauty defined? It can be understood in many ways, but the definition that I am proposing for beauty is that it is that which generates a kinaesthetic, or physical experience or reaction. In other words, beauty is not purely visual. This definition has aspects of Elaine Scarry’s understanding of beauty (that it is sacred, unprecedented, lifesaving and incites deliberation), or Kant’s understanding of beauty (that beauty is the knowledge of pleasure and the pleasure of knowledge); that there is mystery in an experience which is beyond the fully tangible. I am arguing that beauty is in fact an experience that affects us physically, and that because it affects us physically, it becomes stored in our subconscious minds. Through intuition – or accessing the subconscious - we recall these embodied beautiful moments and experiences, and they contribute to our design process as we search for creative solutions. Beauty seeks to be recreated and re-experienced, as beauty begets more beauty (Scarry), and we seek in our designs to re-manifest that which impactedus. This idea of embodied experience is discussed in the work of Luis Barraga, Johani Pallasmaa and Wim Van den Bergh.The pursuit of beauty is important because the act of experiencing beauty inspires creativity and the creation of more beauty (Scarry), as it 20 The Place You Thought You Knewrequires the mind to generate connections to search for precedents and parallels. Beauty in our surroundings is necessary because our embodied sensations (and therefore memories) are stronger when we are impacted by space, and these stored memories exist subconsciously to serve our intuitions. Beauty elevates human experience, value and self-worth. It invokes memory and association, it creates a desire in us to protect it, and it brings our attention to that which is valuable. Beauty beheld affirms the aliveness of the beholder, and in being witnessed it becomes beautiful, and is a reciprocal relationship. Beauty is an experience which serves our subconscious selves, and becomes the place from which we create. As architects, it is essential. As architects, we generate beauty through communication with our intuition.Intuition is our ability to understand something immediately without the need for conscious reasoning. In other words, intuition is a knowledge that is born from our subconscious levels of thinking. As discussed in previous notes, our subconscious operates in a very visual, yet non-rational form of intelligence. Our subconscious accesses stored memories that are the strongest when they are ‘embodied’ memories, which most often occur through kinaesthetic experiences; i.e., physical experiences of space. In the design process, our recollection of space and understanding of form and design can only come from that which we experience before, and our strongest sensational experiences have the greatest dominance in our subconscious preferences, therefore guiding us towards what we have previously experienced as ‘beautiful’, in an effort to recreate these sensations.21Pera Hardy“The sheer complexity of any architectural task calls for an embodied manner of working and a total introjection – to use a psychoanalytical notion – of the task. The real architect works through his or her entire personality instead of manipulating pieces of pre-existing knowledge or verbal rationalizations. An architectural or artistic task is encountered rather than intellectually resolved.” - Juhani Pallassmaa, New Architectural Horizons, pg. 1822 The Place You Thought You KnewAuthenticity and UniversalityAn exploration of the unconscious naturally asks the question, ‘can such a personal work hold value for others?’ This question is one I have wrestled with over the course of my study. In studying the unconscious mind and the way it communicates, I have been primarily studying my own, and it has been deeply personal. I have had other people test my methods to see whether the work translates, but ultimately, the reason that the unconscious is challenging to study - and worth studying - is because it IS so deeply personal. This aspect of what makes our work personal is an aspect of architecture which is often denied, because we want to believe that we can somehow be objective in our work. While we can strive for objectivity in certain realms, objectivity and creativity are antonyms. Subjective creativity is inherent to architectural design. It is not only important, or worth discussing, but it is central to our practice. Only through understanding our own projections of our personal selves in our work can we understand the way that our personal histories affect the space we design. Each of us could have attended the same place and remembered entirely different aspects of it. When designing a similar space for others, it is important to know our own selves. Why did we hold on to the memories we did? What happened to us that day? What was our experience of space that shaped it for us? How might those experiences project into spaces we create for other people? Can we be conscious and aware of these self-projections, and understand both their positive and negative impacts? This, I believe, is crucial.I believe that the idea of understanding our own embodied memories is essential to working in an authentic way, because our memories are incredibly personal experiences that shape the core of who we are. We 23Pera Hardy“… the more intensely personal the poet’s experience was, the more universal it seems, because the more it resonates with our own deepest experiences. In experiencing and understanding architecture we find similar effects. The more intensely personal buildings seem to strike a more significant chord in us.”- Suzanne Lennard, Explorations in the Meaning of Architecture, pg. 3all remember spaces from our childhood differently; my memories of my elementary school will be different from my sister’s, or my mother’s, or any of my friends. This understanding of space is unique, and my own, and therefore powerful because it is inherently authentic. It is also important to recognize and understand when designing space; in designing elementary schools, for example, each of us carry with us the memories of space we have inhabited and experienced life in. In acknowledging these biases, interpretations and personal stories we can clearly articulate them, define them and respond to them in the work that we create.24 The Place You Thought You KnewAccess and MemorySince the subconscious consists of the thoughts and intelligence we are not consciously aware of, there are various strategies to understand the unique knowledge that it holds. Several methods include dream analysis, guided meditation, or using pictures or imagery for the brain to make rapid associations. Interestingly, most of the strategies for accessing the subconscious involve visual imagery, as this aspect of ourselves primarily communicates through visual sources, which is inherently spatial.There are primarily two study groups I looked to to understand the different methods that are used to access the subconscious (intuition): psychologists and architects. I studied both and found the methods to be overlapping yet individual. For the architects, the strategies are often methods of creation, where ideas are found through the act of making or doing. As all artists create in different ways, it is impossible to say that there is one strategy that is the correct ‘method’. Rather, there is a practice of allowing oneself to explore, disconnect from rational thought and to allow the mind to wander which allows for moments of creative freedom.Psychologists:• Dreams• Guided Meditations• Journalling• Drawing• Mindless activities that are often focused on the body, such as gardening, cycling, running25Pera Hardy“As for the cellar, we shall no doubt find uses for it. It will be rationalized and its conveniences enumerated. But it is first and foremost the dark entity of the house, the one that partakes of subterranean forces. When we dream there, we are in harmony with the irrationality of the depths.”- Bachelard, Gaston. The Poetics of Space, pg. 18Architects:• Sketching / Drawing• Painting• Intuitive Meditation• Collage• Modelling• Site Visits / Wandering26 The Place You Thought You KnewSpatial Meditations27Pera HardyAudio MeditationsIn developing a strategy to understand how our subconscious minds access, visualize and remember space, I eventually decided to use guided meditation. My reasons for choosing guiding meditation as a strategy were as follows:• I had experienced visualizing space before in guided meditations and knew that it was a method that was accessible for most people• I could construct audio files that were based around certain prompts, or themes, to guide the meditations and give them structure, making them intentional, specific and comparative• Meditation is about allowing the mind to wander in a most free and relaxed state; whereas some activities may have preconceived associations with themOriginally I worked with very limited prompts and only did the guided meditations for myself. These can be found in Appendix A. I simply asked myself one line questions and saw the spaces that resulted. Over time, I decided to develop curated audio files which I wrote down, recorded and then listened to. Based on my experiences, I iterated the files, and eventually shared them with others. I ended up developing a strategy of working (as seen on the following page) for my system of creating and distributing the meditations. I also decided to focus on four themes of within the meditations, although only three were shared and distributed. Each of these themes were constructed into meditation packages. For each meditation package, the objective was to respond to an aspect 28 The Place You Thought You Knewof the design process that could more greatly benefit from improved communication with our unconscious minds. Each of these categories involve projecting ourselves into our work, but in more conscious ways. These include:A - Inner Landscape (Idea Generation)This is how we project, generate or create space from deep within our subconscious – it gives us images, the process works when we ask it to.B – Question (Problem Solving)This is how we use our own wisdom / knowing to solve our own problems. When we let go of our egos and ask ourselves questions, we know how to answer them.C – Memory (Applying Precedent)This is how we remember spaces; these are the aspects of spaces we embody and then project into our work.D - Feeling  (Spatial Experience)This is how we remember feelings of spaces, and use the quantitative aspects of space to generate the qualitative feelings of space. This relates to the sensations that architects want to achieve in their buildings.Please refer to the Appendices for examples of the scripts, packages and responses that were generated from these meditations.29Pera HardyFigure 7 - Narrative style drawings for meditation done week of October 22, 2018, using prompt of ‘Meditation A’30 The Place You Thought You Knewwrite script for audio filecreate drawing templateidentify objective of meditationwrite instruction filerelaxenter ‘inner landscape’prompts which explore spaces in the inner landscapewritten textsdrawingscomments / feedback / suggestionsrewrite prompts to explore the inner landscape based on experience and findings thumbnail sketchesperspectivesarchitectural drawingsiterateidentify key momentsfind projects with similar momentsdraw these momentsrecord audio filelisten to audio file / meditatepersonal exercisepublic exercisejournal / reflect / decompress send out meditation packagereceive meditation packagereview meditation packagesdocument experiencereflect on findingsdevelop repository of inner landscape narrativesdevelop theories on projecting / internalizing spacewrite summary of narrativeedit audio filedraw experience / narrativeidentify / investigate precedentsMethodology31Pera Hardywrite script for audio filecreate drawing templateidentify objective of meditationwrite instruction filerelaxenter ‘inner landscape’prompts which explore spaces in the inner landscapewritten textsdrawingscomments / feedback / suggestionsrewrite prompts to explore the inner landscape based on experience and findings thumbnail sketchesperspectivesarchitectural drawingsiterateidentify key momentsfind projects with similar momentsdraw these momentsrecord audio filelisten to audio file / meditatepersonal exercisepublic exercisejournal / reflect / decompress send out meditation packagereceive meditation packagereview meditation packagesdocument experiencereflect on findingsdevelop repository of inner landscape narrativesdevelop theories on projecting / internalizing spacewrite summary of narrativeedit audio filedraw experience / narrativeidentify / investigate precedents32 The Place You Thought You KnewFindingsIn undertaking the meditations, I’ve noticed some consistent findings both through my own personal work as well as involving other people. In doing the meditations on my own, I realized that the discovery of space is inherent to some sort of personal narrative. The spaces hold some sort of internal process for me, even though I do not always completely understand what it is. Because of this, there are elements of each story which are very odd, metaphysical and personal. In the Appendices these aspects have been removed due to their personal nature, and yet I also feel that they are inherent to the work. I think that it is interesting that the architecture is constructed around these narratives, yet does not depend on them to be experienced; much like the spaces we construct as architects. In analyzing other peoples’ experiences of Meditation A, I found that it was very interesting how unique the experiences were. Some people naturally gravitated towards memories, or other places they had seen or been, and some people had new experiences of unknown places entirely. Almost all of the experiences were very physical – people had sensations in their bodies, and the experiences were quite emotional as well as spatial.What I’ve gathered from observing other peoples guided meditations is that there is a fascinating element of memory that gets manipulated, transfigured and re-projected. The majority of the meditations had elements that the participants remembered from different experiences or points in their lives. The remembered elements could be whole buildings, or spaces, or scenes; it was always different.What’s interesting is that the remembered space was never totally 33Pera Hardyaccurate. Either the space was entirely out of context, or something about the context had changed, or key elements were different; examples include remembering daylight in spaces that didn’t have windows, or spaces being quiet which normally aren’t, or objects being much larger than they actually are. There was also selective memory of certain details, and it was unclear how ‘true’ those details actually were. This selective remembering, embodiment or re-projection of space became the basis for the next set of experiments of exploring memory. A guiding question became: what aspects of space stay with us, and why? How do we really ‘remember’ space? If we understood our own memories of space better, would it change the way we design? These meditation studies guided the research towards the intersection of actual memories versus invention, as well as the hazy areas in between what we forget and what we can recall. Figures 8 (far left) and 9 (left) - Select perspective views of meditations submitted by others. For all meditation responses see Appendix D.34 The Place You Thought You KnewSite Visits35Pera HardyLocationFigure 10 - My sister and I having a tea party in the backyard of our townhouse in Atlanta, Georgia. Est. 1998. Contributed by Cathy Hardy.To research the process of memory, I decided to explore locations from my own childhood, and use the experience of revisiting these locations to understand the slippages between what is real, remembered and imagined. The places in my childhood that I visited and experientially documented were in Atlanta, Georgia, as I lived here between the ages of five to ten (from 1996 - 1999) and I hadn’t returned to any of these locations since. As such, each place was essentially locked into my childhood recollections and unaffected by later experiences or perceptions. Prior to my visit, I attempted to map and document my memories of these locations in various formats, as will be shown in subsequent sections.36 The Place You Thought You KnewThe three locations that I chose to revisit were as follows:The Brown’s House (Domestic Space)This was my childhood best friend’s parents house, and they still live there. I have so many memories of sleepovers in this house, coming back to play and shower after soccer games, dinners on the screened in front porch, celebrating Passover in the kitchen with their extended family, playing music on their old piano, sneaking into her older brother’s room, playing with the dog in the backyard, making forts in the bushes beside the house and the trains rolling past at night. As the only domestic space, particular elements were uniquely powerful, including light and colour, smells, dimensions and proportion, and very small nooks and crannies in which a myriad of activities would occur. Prior to going, I remembered the space very accurately in my mind and was able to map it quite comprehensively.Holy Trinity Parish Episcopal Church (Institutional Space)I attended church and Sunday school here on a weekly basis for several years. I have memories of being in the choir and being part of a Nativity production in front of the church. This was where I attended late night Taize services with my mom, went for walks in the gardens with my Godmother, and was baptized of my own desire at the age of seven, and I even remember the dress I was wearing. As the only institutional building with spiritual and reflective qualities, the church surprised me with its emotional impact and rich complexity. It was the building that I had rememberd the least as a cohesive whole, but most completely as a series of uniquely separated elements with distinct details.Entire areas had faded away, but essences remained. As a complex, rich, 37Pera Hardyand beautiful building, it proved to be a very useful tool of study for understanding memory. Your Dekalb Farmer’s Market (Commercial Space)This farmer’s market was a regular stopping point for my family on our weekly routines. I came here frequently with my parents to pick up fruits, vegetables, dried goods and baked treats. What always stood out most to me and made this space to unique to me was the fantastic fish market, with rows of exposed tanks holding live fish to be taken home. I was fascinated by the process of selection, execution and packaging that took place with each purchase.As the only commercial building, I was surprised by how much of the market I had forgotten entirely. Only the fish market remained clear in my mind, but that was so distorted from reality that it became a challenge to study as a memory bank comparison. The structure was extremely simple with little architectural variation, which provided less cues for how architecture can inform the moments that remain with us. For photographs of each location as viited, please see Appendix F. 38 The Place You Thought You KnewAtlanta, Georgia2.50 km 5.039Pera Hardy12341   539 Webster Drive (Home)2   Your Dekalb Farmer’s Market3   Holy Trinity Church4   The Brown’s HouseFigure 11 - Map of Atlanta40 The Place You Thought You KnewMethodologywork to complete in term 2draw three locations from memorywrite audio scriptidentify three site locationssite plansnotes particular scenesfive sensesfive sensesmovementscenesFernbank ElementaryYour Dekalb Farmers MarketHoly Trinity Churchphysical site visitmeditative site visitwork to complete in Decemberexpanded sectionperspective scenessite plan / plansexpanded sectionperspective scenessite plan / plansjournalmeditatetalk to occupants / contactsnotice five senseswalk circulation visit roomsmeasure proportionstake photographsrecord audio filecompare three meditationsselect one siteidentify what physical attributes of site to analyze / documentgo to Atlantavisit site(s)document experienceemotional experience physical experiencedocument findingswrite choose sitedesign buildingchoose programdrawspatial experiencecompare actual findings to remembered imagesidentify area of investigationpropose project to explore particular area of investigationlisten to audio file / meditatejournal / reflect / decompressdocument experiencewrite summary of narrative draw experience / narrative41Pera Hardywork to complete in term 2draw three locations from memorywrite audio scriptidentify three site locationssite plansnotes particular scenesfive sensesfive sensesmovementscenesFernbank ElementaryYour Dekalb Farmers MarketHoly Trinity Churchphysical site visitmeditative site visitwork to complete in Decemberexpanded sectionperspective scenessite plan / plansexpanded sectionperspective scenessite plan / plansjournalmeditatetalk to occupants / contactsnotice five senseswalk circulation visit roomsmeasure proportionstake photographsrecord audio filecompare three meditationsselect one siteidentify what physical attributes of site to analyze / documentgo to Atlantavisit site(s)document experienceemotional experience physical experiencedocument findingswrite choose sitedesign buildingchoose programdrawspatial experiencecompare actual findings to remembered imagesidentify area of investigationpropose project to explore particular area of investigationlisten to audio file / meditatejournal / reflect / decompressdocument experiencewrite summary of narrative draw experience / narrative42 The Place You Thought You KnewMemory MappingThe following works were created prior to my visits of the three locations as ways of remembering and abstracting experiences of place as I had known them as a child. For these exercises I did not look at any photographs, conduct any interviews or do prior research other than confirming that each building still stood. 43Pera HardyFigure 12 - Memory Collage of the Brown’s House44 The Place You Thought You KnewFigure 13 - Memory Collage of Holy Trinity Parish Episocopal Church45Pera HardyFigure 14 - Memory Collage of Your Dekalb Farmers Market46 The Place You Thought You KnewFigure 15 - Memory Collage Box of the Brown’s HouseFigure 16 - Memory Collage Box of Your Dekalb Farmer’s Market47Pera HardyFigure 17 - Memory Collage Box of Holy Trinity Church48 The Place You Thought You KnewFigure 18 - Memory Journey through the Brown’s House49Pera HardyFigure 19 - Memory Journey through Your Dekalb Farmer’s Market50 The Place You Thought You KnewFigure 20 - Memory Journey through Holy Trinity Church51Pera HardyFindingsUpon visiting all three site locations in person, I realized that each place had unique qualities and different elements that had stayed with me over time depending on the types of experiences that they had held. In doing so I developed the idea of ‘moments’ - that we recall space in moments or fragments, which are isolated segments of experience separate from a whole. I realized that each space lived on in my mind as a series of connected experiences, linked through memory, imagination, or abstraction - and that the moments became the elements which inspired design but could also be edited upon. These moments or fragments were made stronger thorugh certain architectural phenomenon and were often punctuated by unique objects or items that I had associated to certain experiences or places, with scale becoming representative of importance or time.In analyzing the architectural qualities that contributed to memory, I chose to focus on the church due to its complexity, richness, emotion and physical variety. The church had elements that had been completely forgotten, things that reminded me that I had been there, things which had been manipulated or skewed, and things which I had remembered perfectly. Upon returning, it was the church that I decided to draw again as a second spatial experience.Please see Appendix E for written documentation of my trip to Atlanta and all three sites, and Appendix F for photographs of each location. 52 The Place You Thought You KnewFigure 21 - Revisiting Holy Trinity Church53Pera Hardymajor destinationsPhenomenaThrough analyzing my revisited experience of the church I identified nine phenomena that were either ‘constants’ or ‘triggers’ for me - elements that either acted as reminders that I had been there before, or things which had remained in my memory, even if imperfectly. These elements could be edited or skewed or recombined and still refer to some semblance of a whole, which informed my following round of studies.Figures 22 - 30 - Architectural phenomena of memory54 The Place You Thought You KnewTesting Phenomena55Pera HardyPhenomena ManipulationsIn testing the phenomena I was curious to explore how they could be manipulated and recombined to change the original. I proceeded with a series of experiments on the original church drawing to recombine the moments of the experience of the church in new ways.In experimenting with the idea of moments and abstraction, I became interested in how reconfigured moments could be created or designed through editing the phenomena or manipulating the links. The new designs could be undertood as other peoples memories of the same space, new spaces, or opportunities. The manipulations became my intuitive way of inserting design into the spaces I knew and changing the ways they might be read. 56 The Place You Thought You KnewFigure 31 - Spatial manipulation of Holy Trinity Church57Pera HardyFigure 32 - Spatial manipulation of Holy Trinity Church58 The Place You Thought You KnewFigure 33 - Spatial manipulation of Holy Trinity Church59Pera HardySmall Building DesignsTo test the phenomena I began to explore their physical manifestations in small building designs. To explore the individual phenomena as selected moments I began to design small outhouse projects, each a ‘moment’ or ‘fragment’ in itself, that could be the beginning of case studies for a larger project that began to stitch the pieces together. I took a site from memory and used it as the playground from which to operate for this series of experiements. The outhouses manifested in three site typologies: the field (event) site, the urban (construction) site, and the forest (camping site). The forest site became the most productive site exploration which led to the next series of iterations, so I have chosen to focus on those drawings as the relevant sequence of operations to include in this project book. 60 The Place You Thought You KnewFigures 34-36 - Urban site versions61Pera HardyFigures 37 - 39 - Field site versions62 The Place You Thought You KnewFigures 40-42 - Forest site versions63Pera HardyFigures 43-44 - Tower outhouse small building design“The perceptions brought in by the five senses are first treated or worked upon by the faculty of imagination, and it is the images so formed which become the material of the intellectual faculty. Imagination is the intermediary between perception and thought. Thus while all knowledge is ultimately derived from sense impressions it is not on these in the raw that thought works but after they have been treated by, or absorbed into, the imaginative faculty. It is the image-making part of the soul which makes the work of the higher processes of thought possible.”- Francis Yates, the Art of Memory, pg. 3264 The Place You Thought You KnewIterative Workflow65Pera HardyMethodologyAfter designing small buildings, I decided on a design process that allowed intuitive leaps to occur between moments in drawings, manipulations and iterations that triggered memories. Each step is non-linear, but there are certain patterns that emerge:Drawing JourneysWhen designing or remembering a space (or falling someplace in between), I chose to draw the experience as a linear journey that could be mapped over time. Scale became an important factor in making more important or significant spaces larger, more detailed moments or places where more time was spent. The journeys could originate from memory and be edited, or could be constructed based on an idea, while becoming aware of how moments in the journeys stood out as mixtures of recollections and moments of inspiration.Developing MomentsIn drawing journeys, selected moments would become areas of interest that begged to be discovered further. Occasionally I would design these moments as spaces, or develop them as physical models. These moments could become detailed, abstracted, and eventually, turn into new journeys of their own. Expanding, CollapsingIn drawing moments and journeys, a constructive exercise I found (in addition to iteration) was the practice of pulling apart the moments of a journey, drawing them individually, and then collapsing the multiple 66 The Place You Thought You Knewversions upon one another to see what types of unexpected relationships would occur. This was done in multiple ways: through models in a field of strange relationships by constructing each moment individually and then placing them alongside each other, or by drawing journeys and overlaying the layers. The following works are shown roughly in the order that they were developed to show the links, leaps and collaborations, although the process was not necessarily linear. Though originally based in memory through editing remembered experiences, the manipulations, designs and works quickly became iterations and designed abstractions, occasionally pulling from previously recalled experiences, but often using the links between remembered moments as the opportunities for new design to occur.Essentially, the project became an exploration of process, using the intuitive links of personal recollection as essential starting points for design decisions, and allowing the natural progression of explorative development to occur. 67Pera HardyWorkFigure 45 - Editing memories of original camping experience triggered from small building design studies68 The Place You Thought You KnewFigure 46 - Designed journey based on camping memory + manipulation69Pera HardyFigures 47-48 - Abstract model of moments pulled from journey70 The Place You Thought You KnewFigure 49 - Developed drawing from conceptual model71Pera HardyFigures 50-57 - Constructed moments from concept model 72 The Place You Thought You KnewFigure 58 - Developed moment from conceptual modelFigure 59 - Designed journey from Moment One model studyMoment One73Pera HardyFigure 60 - Moment One model study 74 The Place You Thought You KnewFigure 61 - Moment Two model study 75Pera HardyFigure 62 - Developed drawing from model study76 The Place You Thought You KnewFigure 63 - Developed moment from conceptual modelFigure 64 - Designed journey from Moment Two model studyMoment Two77Pera HardyFigure 65 - Moment Two model study 78 The Place You Thought You KnewFigure 66 - Moment Two model study 79Pera HardyFigure 67 - Developed drawing from moment model80 The Place You Thought You KnewFigure 68 - Developed moment from conceptual modelFigure 69 - Designed journey from Moment Three model studyMoment Three81Pera HardyFigures 70-71 - Moment Three model study 82 The Place You Thought You KnewThe Place You Thought You Knew83Pera HardyDescriptionFor the final iteration of this project, I ‘collapsed’ the journeys of the three isolated and developed moments from the camping experience to see what new spaces would emerge. In the resultant drawing, I felt myself drawing towards archetypal domestic spaces. A bench became a bed; a courtyard became an entryway. The scale of the reading developed a domestic familiarity in scale. I became curious to create an illusion of a domestic project, which is a space that most people have their own personal associations with. By abstracting the notion of ‘home’, I wanted to explore what each individual’s associations could manifest as. To explore this concept, I developed a conceptual model that represented a complete space, or building, but abstracted in ways that could only be experienced in a series of moments or fragments, much like a building is remembered. In doing so, it forces each observer to mentally complete the image of what they imagine the architectural original to be like. Each imagined original is distinct and just as true as the next. The selected moments allow the observer to piece together their vision or imagination of what the complete whole would be. Each moment or fragment may trigger another memory, or an intuitive response that either informs design or desires change. The model is constructed with a rotating lid to allow for observers to selectively manipulate and search for the experiences they would like to inhabit. Each view or experience is then selected, pulled and further manipiulated on. A drawn journey of the space results in unexpected tangents not found in the model, but pulled from past projects, experiences and ideas. The project is constantly shape-shifting away from what it was to what it could be. 84 The Place You Thought You KnewFigure 72 - Experiential model moment journeys collapsed into final drawing85Pera HardyFigures 73-74 - Final modelModel86 The Place You Thought You KnewFigures 75-81 - Selected moments from model87Pera HardyDrawingsFigures 82-83 - Developed moments from model88 The Place You Thought You KnewFigures 84-85 - Developed moments from model89Pera HardyFigures 86-87 - Developed moments from model90 The Place You Thought You KnewFigures 88-89 - Developed moments from model91Pera HardyFigures 90 - Detail of developed drawing from model92 The Place You Thought You KnewFigure 91 - Developed drawing from model93Pera HardyFigure 92 - Journey designed from model 94 The Place You Thought You KnewConclusion95Pera HardySummaryI believe that architecture has the opportunity to be expressive of human emotion and desire. I believe that we are deeply psychologically impacted by the spaces around us much more than we realize. For space to be impactful, meaningful and memorable, it has to be personal. I advocate for an acknowledgement of our personal associations, experiences, memories, desires, and intuitive leaps in imagination as essential elements of our design work as architects. We are not impartial and never will be. Design is not objective and it can’t be.I believe that the images, ideas and concepts that come to mind as we design come from somewhere important; that our intuition is fed by a deep repository of experiences These experiences are curated by our minds. I argue that we hold on to what we find beautiful, but that beauty goes by many names. Our intuition is a valid source of precedent because it selectively chooses the impactful moments of our lives from which to draw on, allowing them to be recreated and manipulated to serve new purposes.In remembering journeys we selectively edit the experience, and this is productive. There is opportunity in remembering that is a small translation to imagining. In exploring our pasts we can create our futures, without nostalgia, but with self expression and hope. Each journey through an architectural space is unique; unique to the moment of first occupation, unique in its second life and unique through another’s eyes. The original slowly dies in a multitude of manifestations of what could be. The process reveals itself as iterative; never ending. In each expansion and collapsing of space, you see beauty. Each detail 96 The Place You Thought You Knewinvestigated constructs a new association. Each memory unpacked reveals gaps to be filled in. The physical lives on in our minds; shapeshifting with every recollection, serving new functions as it responds to our current selves.In this approach to architectural design there appears to bean inherent paradox, as the production of real built spaces requires an empiric system of facts, technology and knowledge. Even in this project I attempted to use an analytical methodology to explore something that is entirely subjective and elusively psychological. In reality, this is a necessary relationship – the creative mind generates an idea, and then the ego develops, iterates, protects and forms it into a tangible reality. This back and forth is how the process of design and our minds themselves work. The healthy communication between subjective and objective states of being represent an essential balance. Our subconscious minds project images towards us, and through our rational interpretations we can understand, nurture and develop these images with care when we understand and respect their origin points.Therefore I believe that this is not as much of a paradox as it is a necessarily mutual relationship of balancing alternate modes of thinking and existing. Without intuitive associations through a repository of past experience, ideas would not be born. Without rational execution, buildings would not be built. In avoiding discussion of our interior lives, we neglect their impact on our work. The paradox is essential, and fruitful. Every place we’ve known becomes a place we thought we knew, and becomes a source of inspiration, physically embodied experience and intuitive knowing. This knowing is valid. This knowing is fruitful, and this knowing is beautiful.97Pera Hardy“Architecture is an artistic expression and it is not an art, simultaneously. Architecture is an art in its essence as a spatial and material metaphor of human existence, but it is not an art form in its second nature as an instrumental artefact of utility and rationality. This duality is the very essence of the art of architecture. This dual existence takes place on two separate levels of consciousness, or aspiration, in the same way that any artistic work has its existence simultaneously as a material, disciplinary and concrete execution, on the one hand, and as a spiritual, unconsciously conceived and perceived imagery, which carries us to the world of dreams, desire and fear, on the other.”- Pallasmaa, Juhani. New Architectural Horizons, 2007, pg. 2198 The Place You Thought You KnewBibliographyAgamben, Giorgio. Taste. Seagull Books, 2017. Araghian, Leila. “Modesty: Serendipity in Silence.” University of British Columbia, 2013. Aravot, Iris. “Interpretations of Myth in Contemporary Architectural Writing.” Journal of Architectural and Planning Research, vol. 13, no. 4, Winter 1996, pp. 271-290.Bachelard, Gaston. Poetics of Space. Beacon P.,U.S. Banham, Reyner, et al. A Critic Writes: Essays by Reyner Banham. University of California Press, 2007.Barragán Luis, and Wim van den Bergh. The Eye Embodied. Pale Pink Publishers, 2006.Bergh, Wim Van Den. “The Interface Between Experience and Intuition, or Learning from Icarus.” Architecture.EHU, 2007, pp. 13–25., www.wimvandenbergh.nl/www.wimvandenbergh.nl/Bib._Acad_B_files/2008:01 Architectuur.pdf.Breitschmid, Markus. Die Bedeutung Der Idee in Der Architektur Von Valerio Olgiati = The Significance of the Idea in the Architecture of Valerio Olgiati. Niggli Verlag, 2012.Caruso, Adam. Describing Beauty. ETH Zurich, 2017.Estes, Clarissa Pinkola. Women Who Run with Wolves. Myths and Stories. Ballantine, 1992. 99Pera HardyGissen, David. Subnature: Architectures other environments. Princeton Architectural Press, 2009. Gómez Alberto Pérez, and Francesco Colonna. Polyphilo, or, The Dark Forest Revisited: an Erotic Epiphany of Architecture. MIT Press, 1994.Hendrix, Michael. “Intuition: Your Best Design Tool?” ArchDaily, 26 Sept. 2013, www.archdaily.com/431201/intuition-your-best-design-tool.Jacobi, Jolande. Complex, Archetype, Symbol in the Psychology of C.G. Jung. Routledge, 2013. Jung, C. G. The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious. Routledge, 2014. Jung, C. G. Memories, Dreams, Reflections. Stellar Books, 2013.Kim, Young-Ran. “The Cave: A Channel for Journeying toward Ego Development.” Journal of Symbols & Sandplay Therapy, vol. 2, no. 2, 2011, pp. 43–53., doi:10.12964/jsst.110014.Le Corbusier. The Modulor. Birkhäuser, 2000. Ledford, Daniel L. “‘Psychology of Space’: The Psycho-Spatial Architecture of Paul Rudolph.” Yale Divinity School, 2014. Lennard, Suzanne H. Crowhurst. Explorations in the Meaning of Architecture: Insights from Authors Who Designed Their Own House--Jung, Twain, Scott, London, Wharton, Jeffers, Irving, ONeil, Lowry, 100 The Place You Thought You KnewWalpole. Gondolier Press, 1979. Levitt, Andrew. The Inner Studio: a Designers Guide to the Resources of the Psyche. Riverside Architectural Press, 2007.Levitt, Andrew. Listening to Design: a Guide to the Creative Process. Reaktion Books, 2018.Lobell, Mimi, et al. Spatial Archetypes: the Hidden Patterns of Psyche and Civilization. JXJ Publications, 2018. May, Gerald G. The Dark Night of the Soul: a Psychiatrist Explores the Connection between Darkness and Spiritual Growth. HarperCollins, 2005.McGilchrist, Iain. The Master and His Emissary: the Divided Brain and the Making of the Western World. Yale University Press, 2012.Menninghaus, Winfried, and Henry Pickford. In Praise of Nonsense: Kant and Bluebeard. Stanford Univ. Press, 1999.Moreno Cristina Díaz, et al. Third Natures: a Micropedia. Architectural Association, 2014.Moneo, Rafael. “On Typology.” Oppositions, no. 13, 1978, pp. 22–45.Pallasmaa, Juhani. “New Architectural Horizons.” Architectural Design, vol. 77, no. 2, 2007, pp. 16–23., doi:10.1002/ad.420.Pallasmaa, Juhani. The Embodied Image: Imagination and Imagery in Architecture. Wiley, 2011.101Pera HardyPure Beauty. San Rocco, 2017.Reisner, Yael, and Fleur Watson. Architecture and Beauty: Conversations with Architects about a Troubled Relationship. Wiley, 2010. Reisner-Cook, Yael. “The Troubled Relationship between Architecture and Aesthetic: Exploring the Self and Emotional Beauty in Design.” RMIT University, 2009.Scarry, Elaine. On Beauty and Being Just. Duckworth, 2011. Yates, Frances A. The Art of Memory. Pimlico, 1992. Zevi, Bruno. “The Seven Myths of Architecture.” Social Research, vol. 52, no. 2, Myth in Contemporary Life, Summer 1985, pp. 411-422.Appendices103Mining MemoryAppendix ASpatial Visualizations + MeditationsWeek of September 24th, 2018Prompt: What space does your soul need today?1I picture myself in a space of stability and openness – a large, ancient hall made of stone with great arches that support the walls. Series of columns touch down across the space; thin columns that create a field in front of me, but one that I can see through and get a sense of the whole. They are spaced far enough apart that it still feels like one great room, and even though it is very large, and I am very small and alone, and I feel incredibly peaceful. It is very quiet and ethereal, and there is no direct sunlight. The colours are cool and I cannot tell what time of day it is. It feels like an infinite space. The word I perceive is vastness.2I picture myself in a wood box that is open on the front and back, but wrapped on the top, bottom and sides. It is thick wood, heavy but light in colour and finely joined. The space is very small and compressed; I cannot stand; I have to sit or lay down, but there are soft cushions built into the floor so that I am comfortable. Through the openings on either side I am exposed to either sea or to forest, and this is a vantage point from which I can watch others and be safe. The space is brightly lit from sunlight and extremely simple. I have the sense that it is lifted above the ground and accessed by climbing upwards. I want to nestle in it or curl up. The word I perceive is observation.3I imagine myself in a space like a black box. The surfaces are reflective to transfer what little light enters, and I do not believe it is natural light. There is a grid on the ground that is lighter than the floor – the floor appears black, the grid is white or metallic, and the grid is square and extends in every direction. At each node of the grid there is a slim metal column rising up into space. There is darkness above me and darkness around me, although the columns and the floor reflect my surroundings in a strange way so that I cannot always tell what is real and what isn’t. The word I perceive is reflection or obscurity.4I see a tower that I cannot enter. I am in a city wasteland, and the tower sits on asphalt and dirt, between buildings. I don’t understand its purpose or its function and there appears to be no opening. It is a smooth, cold grey material, perhaps concrete, and very tall – perhaps 20 stories. The tower’s base spreads out and thins as it nears the ground, as though someone smoothed out the edges, similar to the roots of a tree. The tower is not round, but not square; it is an odd, asymmetrical shape that shifts and changes as it grows upward. The top is much narrower than the bottom and I still see no sign of opening or relief in its walls. I don’t understand its purpose. The word I perceive is obstruction.5I am in a divot of earth; a subtle concave space that could be notched into the side of a hill, or carved out of a mound. It is a simple recession, covered in such thick moss, or soft grass, that I could never imagine wearing shoes. It is open to the sky above, and sunlight pours in. It’s a space for sitting or sleeping, and could probably comfortably fit 3-4 people, but I’m there alone. I can see above me, and in front of me, and I know that earth or mass is behind me. The word I perceive is safety.6I am very high up – I am in a trellis of wood sticks, like scaffolding but of finished wood. The frame is a lattice structure that I can climb between that takes me higher and higher to new views. The wood members are long and thin; they are all the same size but change in density and spacing so that certain corners open into views, and other areas are much closer together to allow me to make my way upwards. The repetition and density give me the illusion of safety as I climb, as though the structure is solid beneath me. I cannot tell if the space I am in is enclosed or open to the outdoors, or whether I am safe or not, but I have a feeling of constant exploration and excitement. The word I perceive is adventure.Week of October 1st, 2018Prompt: What space does your soul need today?1I see a little cabin, only two rooms, and a single storey. It sits raised above the ground. Nobody lives there, and it is vacant. I have a sense of foreboding; it is not a place I want to stay for long. The plan is asymmetrical; one large square room and a rectangular room beside which functions as the kitchen. I walk up a couple steps to the front door and enter. The walls are yellowing, the room is cold and uncomfortable. It is completely empty. The word I perceive is uneasiness.2I see a white, circular building in a forest that is small and narrow. It is probably only 5 or so feet in diameter and about 8 or 9 feet tall. Its base looks like it is hovering about the ground; I cannot see how it is supported. From the outside it is very simple; the only shape which projects is a step which runs around the entire perimeter of the base, like a platform. I step inside through a simple opening and see that the façade is made of vertical slats which are layered upon one another to control the partition from inside to outside. There are no direct views; instead the slats are staggered and on angles so that light travels indirectly between them, creating strange shifting shadows and a confusing sense of depth. I’m not sure if I come out the way I went in. Perhaps the walls rotate to cover the door when I enter; I have a sense that I am losing a sense of space and time. I’m not sure what I do in this space. I can only stand, and I am captivated by the slats themselves. The word I perceive is introspection.3I am in a spiral staircase, going down. The walls are painted bright red. The stairs are only a few feet wide so it is comfortable only for one person at a time. I cannot see where I am going or where I came from. There is diffuse light bouncing off of the white ceiling; is there a reveal with a fixture at the top of the wall? The celling does not appear to slope at the same angle of the floor, but it isn’t flat either. Partway into the wall there is an indent where the handrail is placed. It is a continuous subtraction out of the wall that follows the line of the stairs downward; and it is square in shape, with more light sources potentially hidden in it. The handrail itself is a very dark, heavy wood that takes the shape of my hand and is very at odds with the rest of the space. It feels worn, solid and aged when the rest of the space feels light, ethereal and timeless. The word I perceive is descent.4I am in a large square space, with grey walls that reach up on all sides vertically towards the sky. I can only see up, or down. When the walls hit the ground, they turn into sloped surfaces that all descent together towards a smaller square of earth in a deep pit. In each sloped face, there is a single stairway cut out, that travels downward from one side to the other, top to bottom. I take one stairway towards the base, and in the center, there is a small reflecting pool, circular in shape. The word I perceive is inwardness.5I see myself in a circular room that is shaped like a tear drop in section. The walls are made of wood, with long arced beams that follow the curve of the walls and all join together in the roof peak at the top. The floor is soft, the wood walls are dark and they undulate with the repeated pattern of the beams and infill vertical slats. There are a couple of small windows that let in a minimal amount of light, and the result is a warm glow. I believe the room is a type of office, with a couple of armchairs placed in the center. The word I perceive is contemplation.6I am in a sea of yellow. I can’t see edges, or openings, or size, or ceilings. I don’t know how big the space is that I’m in, where the walls are or what’s around me. I only experience bright yellow, but a comforting colour – it’s not overwhelming, as though I’m in a joyful cloud. The word I perceive is spaciousness.Week of October 8th, 2018Prompt: What space does your soul need today? 1I’m in the woods, and trees are spaced far enough apart that I can feel the sun on my face. The ground is flat and covered in pine needs; the trees are coniferous. Ahead of me I see a raised black box that sits above the forest floor. I enter it from the front. It is a symmetrical box; with a hole in the center that creates a courtyard that is open to the sky. The roofs around the perimeter slope inward so that the center is covered in leaves and moss and young growth. It is entirely inward and upward looking. The perimeter around the box is solid around the exterior and glass towards the interior, and has no furniture; it is just enough to walk through. The word I perceive is peacefulness.2I am in a dome that is shaped like a beet, and it feels as though it could be hanging in the trees. There is one long horizontal window that frames the view. The ground is flat and I can’t quite stand up straight. Three or four people could fit in here. It is dark and cozy.Week of October 15th, 2018Prompt: Guided Meditation A (Audio File); see Appendix B.  Note: Personal elements omitted1 I see myself on a vast open plain. Far ahead of me, in the distance, is a building which is a very simple, archetypal form. It looks like a small barn, but too tall and narrow. Coming closer, it starts to look more like a chapel, but I cannot tell which it is. It is rectangular in form with a simple pitched roof, and the side walls curve up to meet at a peak. On the exterior of the wall there are vertical columns which split about 2/3 up and branch out to support the roof. There is only one door, at the front, and it is solid and large and I slide it to the left to open. I enter into a simple open space with light pouring in from the top, and what looks to be some sort of attic above. Again, it feels like it could be a relic of a barn or a simple chapel. To my left is a small set of stairs, going up. They are narrow and have walls on both sides. I follow the stairs up and up, along switchbacks, until I arrive at the top level, on the same side of the building I entered from. I find myself in a lattice type structure that feels like an attic and is open and airy with exposed rafters and floorboards, and a small platform that I can just stand on. Ground Floor Plan  |  1:200Side Elevation  |  1:200Second Floor Plan  |  1:200Front Elevation  |  1:200 Section  |  1:2002I see myself in a thick jungle. Leaves are covering my face and I am densely surrounded. As I move forward I can tell that I am in a valley in the jungle, with canyon walls on two sides. To my left I notice the entrance to a cave. I move towards it. I stand at the mouth of the cave and feel cold air surround me. The cave is very dark, and quiet, and it frightens me. The entry is no more than eight feet tall and a few feet wide. I move forward and enter. I walk along a narrow passageway which is round on the sides, and it seems to become smaller and smaller as I progress. Eventually I reach a point where I have to squeeze myself around the side of an obstruction which prevents me from going straight. As I come around this point, a great room opens up before me. It is circular in plan and domed above. There is a light which is open to the sky above in the center. It is a dark room, and sombre. In the center is a small pedestal, with a book on it. When I open it, all of the pages are empty. I look around the room to see what else it holds. I notice that there are five other doorways, each with a pathway leading to them from the center. They are identical. They each hold blackness, and I cannot see inside. The floor itself seems carved away from me; the pathways to each door are the only objects level with the ground I entered on. I’m not sure where to go, or whether I should enter more of the doorways. 3I see myself in a large flat wasteland. There is nothing in front of me for a very long distance. I turn around and realize that there is a very large, flat wall immediately behind me. It is probably 4-5 meters high. The bottom half is mirrored or a very reflective material, but strangely, I cannot see myself. The top half is white and it is extremely orthogonal. I walk around the edges of the building searching for an entry. I cannot see a way in on the first two walls. On the third wall I see that the ground is cut out on a slope towards a lowered hole in the wall. I walk towards the edge of the ramp and descent down beside the earth. The ceiling height lowers as I enter through the door. On the other side, I am in a very narrow, tall hallway that is open to the sky above. The walls are entirely white on either side. The corridor is about 4 feet in width. At the end of the corridor I can see a courtyard, but it feels very far away. It looks empty; I can see nothing in it but other walls around. I walk towards it, but it seems to get further and further away. Suddenly on my right, I see a small entry to a set of steps leading towards. The stairs are very narrow and steep, and I descend quite far underneath the building. At the bottom of the stairs I end up standing in water, and the entire basement is underwater. In front of me is a small rowboat, and I climb in. All around me I can see columns holding up the ceiling above; round simple columns that are equally spaced in a grid. I circle around and see light coming through a space in the building; a cavern open to the sky above. Large white walls surround the edges. At first, the cavern looks like a dumping ground for refuse. As I come closer, I see that plants are growing and bursting up the walls. As I watch, an entire garden springs from the garden and covers the walls of the open cavern.Week of October 22nd, 2018Prompt: Guided Meditation A (Audio File); see Appendix B.  Note: Personal elements omitted1 I see myself in the jungle again, with leaves covering my face. I move them aside to see a wide stretch of clear flat ground in front of me, with a structure in my way that is a small house on a very tall set of stilts. There doesn’t appear to be a way up. As I look around I realize I am actually in a sea of these stilts, each holding up a different house. There is a whole community of them, far above me, creating spaces that I can’t access. I look around for a way up but I can’t find one. The houses must all be at least three stories above me, but each of them only appear to be one storey tall. The field of sticks around me are wood, and narrow; almost like bamboo poles. The houses are not quite touching; there is light falling on the ground between them. I ask, ‘can I come up?’ and a ladder falls down before me. It is made of rope and sticks and is very precarious. I can feel myself sway and move as I climb up, and I feel nervous. I pull myself up over the edge of a platform – which appears to be a porch for one of them. I see that the houses are all a community to one another. From up here they create a sea of porches and front doors that other people can visit to and from. There is an empty space left for one house and I recognize that if I want to be here, I have to construct the house for myself. Inside the house I climbed to is a simple room with a round fire place in the middle. The entry door is in the middle and I feel like there is a wall of services behind me. It is only one room. I understand that they all have ladders they can throw to one another if they need to.Week of November 5th, 2018Prompt: Guided Meditation A (Audio File); see Appendix B.  Note: Personal elements omitted1 I see myself in a forest, with a small lake / pond in front of me that is beautiful. It is very lush and green and there are old trees surrounding me. On the other side of the lake I see a small structure; a thin diamond like shape that is square in the middle and pointed on the top and bottom. There is so little of it touching the ground that it appears to be hovering. It looks solid from where I am sitting. I walk around the lake and come around to the back side of the structure. From there is a small ladder leading to an opening in one of the sides. I climb up and peer in. The space is probably about 8 feet wide in the widest direction. The floor is below the widest part, and it is round and soft, like a nest. I climb inside to rest. It’s wonderful and I feel protected and safe and know that there is nobody around me. I wonder about leaving and going to explore more places, but it feels so nice to stay right where I am. There is light coming in through the top in small perforations. The walls are very flat and smooth; I can sense no structure. Eventually night falls and I climb out and walk to the lake. I look across the lake and see a house there, and notice that there is a channel that runs from the lake into the depths of the house. It is straight and narrow and deep, and goes into a place in the house that I cannot see. I am about to go explore it when the meditation ends.2 I am on a wide flat plane, on beige ground. In front of me are sky scrapers; simple, flat buildings, rectangles, that are dull and grey and tall and reach towards the sky. Their facades are blank. They are organized in two rows as though facing each other across a street, but there is no street. They are all the same. Square columns touch the ground where the base floor is pulled back on all four sides. I enter the closest one to me on my left, and as I enter, I am surprised to realize that the entire space is hollow. The façade is a thin sheet and there are no floors, no elevators, and no people. I want to go up, and see that there is a small set of stairs winding along the side of the walls that gradually rises to the top. I begin a slow, treacherous climb as there is no railing or protection. Along the way I notice thin wire like strands that hold the sides of the building to each other that cross the space. It is like a movie set, or an illusion. I can’t understand the point. Eventually I reach the top and all that exists is a small platform around the edge, like folded paper, where each of the facades comes up and turns 90 degrees to become flat. It is only a few feet wide. I stand at the top, exposed, and wonder why I am here and what the point is. I look around and notice that there are people on the tops of the other towers, standing, wondering the same thing. I’m looking for a reason, when I am transported to a cloud where a similar tower exists, but this time it is a simple black rectangle that is exactly halfway inside a cloud; the bottom half is sticking out underneath and the top sticks out above, while the cloud somehow helps it float. There is no columns or entry level on the bottom. Instead, there is only a simple rectangular door exactly at the corner of the building, cut out on two sides, for me to answer. I go through the door only to realize that the space is again hollow. There are ropes hanging from the top so that people can drop down and explore what happens underneath. I go onto one and climb down but all I can see is blackness.Week of November 12th, 2018Prompt: Guided Meditation B (Audio File); see Appendix B.  Note: Personal elements omittedQuestion: How do I turn these meditations into drawing?How does your meditation start, what do you see, what is the building like? At first, I see myself in a very peaceful forest, with a lake in front of me. I have been here in a meditation before. Across the lake is an old Victorian style house, painted white. As I go closer I can see that the building is in disrepair and is very decrepit. The paint is peeling off the wood; the stairs are sagging. There are stairs up to a front porch and the door is open. It appears to be 3-4 stories tall with a basement. I go inside and there is a double height foyer with light coming in from above, and a large staircase, curved in front of me. The rooms are open on both sides. I feel myself drawn upstairs to where the bedrooms are; I start to venture upstairs when I am called to turn around and find my wise guest.Where were each of your guests, and what was the journey like between them?My first guest was my grandma and she was in the basement. The basement was not so much a basement as it was an actual hole in the ground – the walls and floor were just exposed earth, cut out in the shape of a basement. Underneath the house I can see that there is actually no structure; no columns, beams, footings, foundations, etc – just earth. I ask my grandma the question, and she replies – each space is different and will be drawn differently. There is no right answer. Let people draw the things they want to, to explain what they need to the way that they need to. Then I am called to find myself at 80 years old. I know that she is upstairs in one of the bedrooms, which looks out over the front door. I climb the ladder out of the basement, go up the main staircase and turn the corner into one of the rooms to find myself. It is a bright, open room – it feels yellow, but a cheerful yellow – and there is nothing in it except for one chair that she is sitting on. She is laughing at me, in a loving way. She says, well what do you want to draw? Sections, I reply. Well, then fucking draw sections. Do what you want, for each building – it can be that simple. They won’t all have narratives, they won’t all make sense.Then I am called to see my eight year old self. I know that she is on the back porch. I go back down the stairs. How do I draw these meditations? I ask my younger self. She replies, what do you want people to see? This one stumps me and I think about it for a while. I don’t know the answer. She says, you can get them to look at buildings. Or you can get them to look at stories or narratives. You can choose what people look at and the way they see what happens. But how can you really draw this? She points ahead of her to the forest. It is a beautiful lush forest, so calm and peaceful. I understand what she means; I can’t possibly translate this type of space or experience. There is a mystery to this process that will inherently be lost in translation.What did your building look like in the end?As I pass back through the building in the end it appears to be falling apart even more and is starting to be grown over with some type of thick white substance that blurs its edges; almost like spider webs, but softer – the floorboards are rotting and the stairs are falling apart. The house feels as though it is collapsing in on itself, but it doesn’t feel like death – it feels brightly lit and as though it is being absorbed into the air itself; it is dissipating; lighter. I am not sure my questions are entirely answered but they have given me more to think about, and ironically, the meditation has given me a question that I know I need to answer in order to continue with the work.At first I see myself in a very peaceful forest, with a lake in front of me. I have been here in a meditation before.Across the lake is an old Victorian style house, painted white. As I go closer I can see that the building is in disrepair and is very decrepit.The paint is peeling off the wood; the stairs are sagging. There are stairs up to a front porch and the door is open. It appears to be 3-4 stories tall with a basement. My first guest is my grandma and she is in the basement. The basement is not so much a basement as it was an actual hole in the ground – the walls and floor were just exposed earth, cut out in the shape of a basement. Underneath the house I can see that there is actually no structure; no columns, beams, footings, foundations  – just earth.  I ask my grandma the question, and she replies....Then I am called to find myself at 80 years old. I know that she is upstairs in one of the bedrooms, which looks out over the front door. I climb the ladder out of the basement, go up the main staircase and turn the corner into one of the rooms to find myself. She says.... Then I am called to see my eight year old self. I know that she is on the back porch. I go back down the stairs and out to the back deck.I ask my younger self. She replies.... As I pass back through the building in the end it appears to be falling apart even more and is starting to be grown over with some type of thick white substance that blurs its edges; almost like spider webs, but softer – the floorboards are rotting and the stairs are falling apart. The house feels as though it is collapsing in on itself, but it doesn’t feel like death – it feels brightly lit and as though it is being absorbed into the air itself; it is dissipating; lighter. It is a bright, open room – it feels yellow, but a cheerful yellow – and there is nothing in it except for one chair that she is sitting on. She is laughing at me, in a loving way.I go inside and there is a double height foyer with light coming in from above, and a large staircase, curved in front of me. The rooms are open on both sides. I feel myself drawn upstairs to where the bedrooms are. I go upstairs and about to wander around when I am called to go find my wise guest.4:30Now, imagine yourself in the place of your subconscious. You may picture yourself outside somewhere. Take a deep breath. 5:00Remember the question that you wrote down earlier. Ask it to yourself again.Imagine your question taking the form of a building, or a space that you could occupy. Imagine this building in front of you. 5:30What does it look like? What is it made of? How does it make you feel? See if you can walk around it, and understand it. 6:00 6:30 7:00Somewhere in this building is the person that consider very wise; the person whose advice you admire. Where are they in the building? See if you can try to find them.   7:30When you reach them, ask them your question. How do they respond? Can you discuss your question with them? 8:00 8:30 9:00Somewhere else in this building, is a version of yourself at eighty years old. This part of yourself is very wise and has already lived your entire life through. Where are they in the building? Go find them.9:30When you reach them, ask them your question. What do they have to say? What do they want to show you? 10:00 10:30 11:00There is one more guest in this building, and that is a version of yourself at eight years old. This part of yourself is young, innocent and full of truth. Where is your eight year old self in this building? Go and find them.   11:30 12:00When you reach them, ask them your question. How do they respond? How can you see this space differently? 12:30 13:00 13:30The building has served its purpose, and now as you pass through it, become aware of how it has changed. How does it look different than before? Week of November 19th, 2018Prompt: Guided Meditation C (Audio File); see Appendix B.  Note: Personal elements omittedI can see myself at six years old. I am wearing a white T-shirt with a jean dress on top, sort of like overalls but with a skirt. I have on black shoes and white socks, and my hands are small. I think my hair is tied up in a ponytail. I immediately imagine myself at the top of the stairs of our townhouse in Atlanta, Georgia. I’m looking down the stairs, which are carpeted, and I know exactly where I am. To my left is my parents room, and to my right is the bathroom and the bedroom I share with my sister. Everything is exactly as I remember. I walk to my parent’s room and look in the door. I see my dad sitting at the computer, doing work. He is younger, with hair, and thin. I walk away towards the bedroom I share with my sister. When I reach the door, she comes out to see me. She is little she looks to be three but would actually be four, with short cute brown hair and big eyes, and has been playing on the floor with toys. When asked about the prompt of what I smell, I am aware of the smell of cookies in the house. Mom is baking in the kitchen. When asked about the prompt of what I hear, I can tell that Paul Simon is playing in the living room. I decide to go downstairs. At the bottom of the stairs I go left towards the front door and the living room. The only thing that is clear to me in the living room is the piano, which is so familiar that I sitdown as if to play, but I only touch the keys. I sit here for a while and think about playing it. Then I go towards the kitchen, to see my mom. I pass the dining room on the way, which is on the other side of the stairs and has our table and chairs in it. In the kitchen, which is very small, my mom is baking. There is adoor out to the back porch and the field beyond behind her, and I’m even aware of how small everything is with the deep freeze on the stairs, and I can see our old stove behind her. Eventually she tells me it’s time to go down to the cellar. We didn’t have a cellar. I am frightened to go down but I know I should. She tells me that she knows that I always wanted a basement, which is true – during tornado warnings I would always wish that we had a basement we could go hide in. Now there is one, and the entry to it is right in the side wall of the kitchen, underneath where the actual stairs are. I start to descent the steps alone. The walls are earth, the stairs are wood and rickety. The cellar is one small room that probably is only the size of the kitchen and dining room. It is very brightly lit but by an artificial light source that I can’t place, making everything feel yellow and red. There is a table in the center of the room. I am then called to return to where I began, so I journey back up the stairs and the meditation ends.Appendix BMeditation Audio File ScriptsWelcome to this guided meditation. Thank you for taking this time to explore your subconscious. As we begin this meditation, take a moment to become comfortable. You can choose to sit, either on a chair, or the floor, or you can lay down on your back, with your arms relaxed beside you. You may want to turn off the lights, close the blinds, put on a sweater, and minimize any distractions around you.When you are comfortable, close your eyes. We will now begin to bring your awareness to your body. Become aware of any tension you might be holding, and see if you can begin to slowly release any stress. Bring your awareness to your feet, your ankles and calves, and let them relax. Become aware of your hips, your thighs and your lower back; breathe into these spaces and let them release. Think about your stomach, and see if you have any discomfort or tension here. Relax and let it soften. Breathe slowly in, and slowly breathe out. Bring awareness to your chest, and shoulders, and upper back, and allow these spaces to slowly release. Let the muscles in your arms, hands and fingers let go, and become soft. Allow your jaw to open, and relax, as it releases any stress. Soften the skin on your forehead, your cheeks, and around your eyes. Imagine each small muscle releasing. As you breathe in, inhale peace and as you breathe out, release tension.Let your breath begin to guide you into even deeper relaxation. Slowly, breathe in, and become aware of the cool air at the edge of your nose as you do so. As you breathe out, let your body release, and become aware of the warm air from your lungs filling the space around you. Breathe in, Guided Meditation A - The Inner Landscapeand breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, and breathe out. -- Now, bring your attention inward. Imagine yourself in a landscape. This is your inner landscape, or the space of your subconscious. Take a look around. What do you see? In this landscape, is there a specific place or building that you notice? What is this place like? Allow yourself to explore.Can you go inside? What is the interior like?How is this place constructed?How does the light enter?What is the size of this place? What are its proportions?How does this place make you feel?--Take some time to explore this space and learn what it represents for you.--We will now begin to return our thoughts to our bodies. Take a few moments to exit the place you’re exploring, and transition back into your inner landscape.Take note of what you have observed. Is there anything that this place could be trying to communicate with you?Take some time to come back to where you began.--When you are ready, begin to bring awareness back to your breath. Slowly, breathe in, and breath out. Become aware of any sounds in the spaces around you, and the way your body feels. Slowly, you may start to stretch your fingers and toes, or shift into a comfortable position. Take a moment to reflect on what you explored and saw, and what the spaces of your inner landscape may be wanting to show you. Thank you for taking this time to explore your subconscious, and for taking this moment for yourself. Guided Meditation B - QuestionWelcome to this guided meditation. Thank you for taking this time to explore your subconscious. As we begin this meditation, take a moment to become comfortable. You can choose to sit, either on a chair, or the floor, or you can lay down on your back, with your arms relaxed beside you. You may want to turn off the lights, close the blinds, put on a sweater, and minimize any distractions around you.When you are comfortable, close your eyes. We will now begin to bring your awareness to your body. Become aware of any tension you might be holding, and see if you can begin to slowly release any stress. Bring your awareness to your feet, your ankles and calves, and let them relax. Become aware of your hips, your thighs and your lower back; breathe into these spaces and let them release. Think about your stomach, and see if you have any discomfort or tension here. Relax and let it soften. Breathe slowly in, and slowly breathe out. Bring awareness to your chest, and shoulders, and upper back, and allow these spaces to slowly release. Let the muscles in your arms, hands and fingers let go, and become soft. Allow your jaw to open, and relax, as it releases any stress. Soften the skin on your forehead, your cheeks, and around your eyes. Imagine each small muscle releasing. As you breathe in, inhale peace and as you breathe out, release tension.Let your breath begin to guide you into even deeper relaxation. Slowly, breathe in, and become aware of the cool air at the edge of your nose as you do so. As you breathe out, let your body release, and become aware of the warm air from your lungs filling the space around you. Breathe in, and breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, and breathe out. --Now, imagine yourself in the place of your subconscious. You may picture yourself outside somewhere. Take a deep breath. Look around, see what you notice. See how you feel.Remember the question that you wrote down earlier. Ask it to yourself again.Imagine your question taking the form of a building, or a space that you could occupy. Imagine this building in front of you. What does it look like? What is it made of? How does it make you feel?--Somewhere in this building is the person that consider very wise; the person whose advice you admire. Where are they in the building? Go find them.  --When you reach them, ask them your question. How do they respond? Can you discuss your question with them? --Somewhere else in this building, is a version of yourself at eighty years old. This part of yourself is very wise and has already lived your whole life through. Where are they in the building? Go find them.When you reach them, ask them your question. What do they have to say? What do they want to show you? --There is one more guest in this building, and that is a version of yourself at eight years old. This part of yourself is young, innocent and full of truth. Where is your eight year old self in this building? Go and find them.When you reach them, ask them your question.How do they respond? -- Thank your guests for helping you with your question. The building has served its purpose, and now as you pass through it, become aware of how it has changed. How does it look different than before? Slowly, begin the journey to exit the building and make your way back to your inner landscape.---When you are ready, begin to bring awareness back to your breath. Slowly, breathe in, and breath out. Become aware of any sounds in the spaces around you, and the way your body feels.  Slowly, you may start to stretch your fingers and toes, or shift into a comfortable position.  Take a moment to reflect on what you explored and saw, and what the spaces of your inner landscape may be wanting to show you. When you are ready, open your eyes. Thank you for taking this time to explore your subconscious, and for taking this moment for yourself.Guided Meditation C - MemoryWelcome to this guided meditation. Thank you for taking this time to explore your subconscious. As we begin this meditation, take a moment to become comfortable. You can choose to sit, either on a chair, or the floor, or you can lay down on your back, with your arms relaxed beside you. You may want to turn off the lights, close the blinds, put on a sweater, and minimize any distractions around you.When you are comfortable, close your eyes. We will now begin to bring your awareness to your body. Become aware of any tension you might be holding, and see if you can begin to slowly release any stress. Bring your awareness to your feet, your ankles and calves, and let them relax. Become aware of your hips, your thighs and your lower back; breathe into these spaces and let them release. Think about your stomach, and see if you have any discomfort or tension here. Relax and let it soften. Breathe slowly in, and slowly breathe out. Bring awareness to your chest, and shoulders, and upper back, and allow these spaces to slowly release. Let the muscles in your arms, hands and fingers let go, and become soft. Allow your jaw to open, and relax, as it releases any stress. Soften the skin on your forehead, your cheeks, and around your eyes. Imagine each small muscle releasing. As you breathe in, inhale peace and as you breathe out, release tension.Let your breath begin to guide you into even deeper relaxation. Slowly, breathe in, and become aware of the cool air at the edge of your nose as you do so. As you breathe out, let your body release, and become aware of the warm air from your lungs filling the space around you. Breathe in, and breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, and breathe out. --Now, bring your attention inward. Imagine that you are six years old again. Remember how it feels to be six. Look down, look at your feet, your hands, and the clothes you are wearing. Now, picture yourself in a building that is important to you to you as a six-year-old. Where are you? What is this place? How does it feel to be here? What do you remember doing here?What do you see? Is there anything that you smell?Is there anything you hear? Can you explore? --If there are places you want to discover, go do so. It’s okay if you don’t know whether they are part of the original memory of the place or not. Allow your mind to go where it wants to go. Take some time to explore the spaces that you’re drawn to. -- As you’re exploring, notice if there places you can go now that you couldn’t go before. Is there anything else that’s changed? --We will now begin to return our thoughts to our bodies. Take a few moments to exit the place you’re exploring, and transition back into your inner landscape.Take note of what you have observed. How is your experience of this place the same or different to your memories of it?--When you are ready, begin to bring awareness back to your breath. Slowly, breathe in, and breath out. Become aware of any sounds in the spaces around you, and the way your body feels. Slowly, you may start to stretch your fingers and toes, or shift into a comfortable position. Take a moment to reflect on what you explored and saw, and what the spaces of your inner landscape may be wanting to show you. Thank you for taking this time to explore your subconscious, and for taking this moment for yourself. Guided Meditation D - FeelingWelcome to this guided meditation. Thank you for taking this time to explore your subconscious. As we begin this meditation, take a moment to become comfortable. You can choose to sit, either on a chair, or the floor, or you can lay down on your back, with your arms relaxed beside you. You may want to turn off the lights, close the blinds, put on a sweater, and minimize any distractions around you.When you are comfortable, close your eyes. We will now begin to bring your awareness to your body. Become aware of any tension you might be holding, and see if you can begin to slowly release any stress. Bring your awareness to your feet, your ankles and calves, and let them relax. Become aware of your hips, your thighs and your lower back; breathe into these spaces and let them release. Think about your stomach, and see if you have any discomfort or tension here. Relax and let it soften. Breathe slowly in, and slowly breathe out. Bring awareness to your chest, and shoulders, and upper back, and allow these spaces to slowly release. Let the muscles in your arms, hands and fingers let go, and become soft. Allow your jaw to open, and relax, as it releases any stress. Soften the skin on your forehead, your cheeks, and around your eyes. Imagine each small muscle releasing. As you breathe in, inhale peace and as you breathe out, release tension.Let your breath begin to guide you into even deeper relaxation. Slowly, breathe in, and become aware of the cool air at the edge of your nose as you do so. As you breathe out, let your body release, and become aware of the warm air from your lungs filling the space around you. Breathe in, and breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, and breathe out. --Now, bring your attention inward. Imagine yourself feeling enveloped in safety. Remember a time or moment when you felt completely secure, and recall what that felt like in your body. Think about all aspects of your body and how what’s around you is helping you to feel completely safe. What is helping you to feel secure? What do you see? Where are you? What is around you?   What are the qualities of this place? How do they reinforce your sense of comfort or safety? Look around the space and modify it to make it feel even safer. What features or objects do you need to feel secure? Continue to modify this place to enhance your own feeling of safety, security, and comfort. --When you feel at peace, find a space that you are drawn to, and rest there.What is this place like, what are its qualities?How is it made?What size is it, what are the proportions? How does this place make you feel?Take some time to reflect on what safety feels like for you, physically. --We will now begin to return our thoughts to our bodies. Take a few moments to exit the place you’re exploring, and transition back into your inner landscape.Take note of what you have observed. What have you learned about your own desire for security or safety? --When you are ready, begin to bring awareness back to your breath. Slowly, breathe in, and breath out. Become aware of any sounds in the spaces around you, and the way your body feels. Slowly, you may start to stretch your fingers and toes, or shift into a comfortable position. Take a moment to reflect on what you explored and saw, and what the spaces of your inner landscape may be wanting to show you. When you are ready, open your eyes. Thank you for taking this time to explore your subconscious, and for taking this moment for yourself. Appendix CMeditation PackagesGuided Meditation A - The Inner LandscapeThank you for doing this meditation! It should take about 30 minutes start to finish. Here is how to proceed:1. Find a nice, quiet, preferably dark place that you can sit or lay down comfortably and listen undisturbed for approximately 15 minutes.2. Open the audio file on your laptop or phone.3. Listen to the audio file, with or without headphones. You don’t need to do anything else during this time.4. Fill out the form below.5. Do thumbnail sketches of whatever you saw during the meditation using the storyboard file. You can do this digitally, or print it and sketch over it manually. Rough sketches are totally fine, and you can add more scenes as necessary.6. Send this completed Word document and a copy of your sketches to perahardy@gmail.comThank you!Name: Date: Please describe what you saw or experienced in a short paragraph: Any comments / recommendations / questions / feedback:Guided Meditation B - QuestionThank you for doing this meditation! It should take about 30 minutes start to finish. Here is how to proceed:1. Fill out Part A of the form below.2. Find a nice, quiet, preferably dark place that you can sit or lay down comfortably and listen undisturbed for approximately 15 minutes.3. Open the audio file on your laptop or phone.4. Listen to the audio file, with or without headphones. You don’t need to do anything else during this time.5. Fill out Parts B + C of the form below. 6. Sketch out a mapping exercise of your experience which shows your journey in the template provided. 7. Send Part B of this word file and a copy of your sketches to perahardy@gmail.com. If you want, you can also include Parts A + C, or you can keep these private. Thank you!PART AWrite down a question that has been on your mind lately, or relates to an area in which you feel stuck. It helps to make it specific. This question may be related to a design project you are working on, or it may be a larger question about your work or life in general. Some examples include:• What approach should I take in this (specific scenario)? • How do I respond to (specific person) about (specific problem)?• How do I reconcile (specific issue) with (specific issue)? Question: Who is a person that you consider very wise, or whose advice you respect and appreciate? This can be somebody you know in person, or it can be a figure from history, an author, or someone you admire. Person: PART BName: Date: What did your building look like in the beginning?Where were each of your guests, and what was the journey like between them?What did your building look like in the endAny comments / recommendations / questions / feedback:PART CWhat did your wise guest have to say about your question?What did your eighty year old self have to say about your question? What did your eight year old self have to say about your question? Draw your experience as a map of your journey.This can be in plan, or as a series of icons or views that are connected, or in any other method that feels appropriate to you.Guided Meditation C - MemoryThank you for doing this meditation! It should take about 30 minutes start to finish. Here is how to proceed:1. Find a nice, quiet, preferably dark place that you can sit or lay down comfortably and listen undisturbed for approximately 15 minutes.2. Open the audio file on your laptop or phone.3. Listen to the audio file, with or without headphones. You don’t need to do anything else during this time.4. Fill out the form below.5. Do sketches in the given template of the things you experienced during the meditation.Send this completed Word document and a copy of your sketches to perahardy@gmail.comThank you!Name: Date: Please describe what you saw or experienced in a short paragraph. You can omit anything that feels too personal to share. No names will be included in any shared work. Any comments / recommendations / questions / feedback:Draw the building (or elements of the building) as you can remember in traditional orthographic drawings (plan, section, elevation). Feel free to nclude any other views of the space that were particularly impactful. Appendix DMeditation ResponsesGuided Meditation A - Inner LandscapeParticipant OneMy mind first reverted directly to memories of the landscape around my old high school, particularly a grassy hill behind our school that I never got the chance to explore, since it was private property and fenced off. I pictured myself going to the top of the hill and seeing the view over the other side. I could see the entire valley with huge, majestic mountains rising above the mist on the far side of the valley. The valley was full of buildings, but I could not pick out what any of them were, or much more detail beyond that the valley was full of built structures. After this, my consciousness reverted back to my old high school, particularly the library, where I recalled some special spaces that I had forgotten about until now. I recalled certain tactile aspects of the spaces, particularly the hard floor, and cold brickwork. The first architectural looking sketch in my story board is not of a exterior door, but in fact the door to the library, which despite being an interior space, in my memory had intense light pouring out of it. I then recalled a very tall space where I sometimes studied in the library, with mosaic windows and lots of natural light Participant TwoI was in a golden grassy field, about mid-thigh height grass, soft, billowing in the wind. There is a forest surrounding the field, the perimeter is probably 100-200 meters away. I can tell the ocean is just beyond the forest, and that I’m relatively high up. Its golden hour. I immediately know I’ve pictured exactly this place before, from exactly this point of view, the last time I did a similar exercise. It feels obvious that this is where I’m supposed to be. As I turn to my left, I see a small wooden building, maybe two, to my approximate 9 o’clock. It looks abandoned, or at least out of use, I find it hard to actually process or see the form aside from a few key features. Its wooden (some kind of dark wood), the door is open, its entirely empty. Sunlight is streaming in from the window on the right hand side, dust is glittering, moving slowly, and settling. Everything is made of some kind of dark wood – the floor, the walls, the door and window frames. I feel not sad, but maybe nostalgic. It feels familiar, growing more familiar as I spend more time. I see (brace yourself for this) myself as a child and my wise-self in two different rooms, not together at first but its as if I’m seeing different times over lapped at once – and then it seems like maybe the wise self is caring for/ looking after the child self. Then I realize that I live here too. This was my home. This is my home. As I come to this realization the form of the house becomes clearer and comes back to life, suddenly filled with what feel like memories and movement and liveliness. I’m happy, and I’m alone. The house is a square with 4 doors and 4 rooms (see plan). I’m standing in the middle of the house – out the door to my left there is a lush vegetable garden. Straight ahead, between the kitchen and thebedroom, there is a path into the woods that I feel so drawn to and really want to follow, I know it leads me somewhere sacred to me (I picture that it’s a clearing at a cliffside looking down the dramatic craggy coastline), but I know I can come back later and explore it. For now I need to keep discovering the house. To the right, between the bedroom and the studio, is a shed/workshop with some kind of project in progress, though obviously in a very early stage. The woodwork of the house is semi-ornate but also restrained. The kitchen is small and basic but exactly what it needs to be. The bathroom has a giant tub. The bedroom only has a bed and a glass sliding door facing the woods, and the studio is relatively empty but feels full of potential. For some reason as I’m trying to leave, I’m walking backwards. I try to turn around to walk forwards, but I realize that I’ve never looked in this direction before and I can’t really make out what it looks like, but its bright and definitely facing inland, and away from this place. Maybe that’s how I got here, and how to leave. I get back to the place I started from, facing in the same direction.(drawings on following page)Participant ThreeI’m listening to the audio, eyes closed, after having finished my morning routine. I made sure to have enough time for it before heading out to work. So I didn’t so much disconnect as much as visualize what lay ahead (and just behind.) Not in the sense of what I had to do in my day, the small tasks asked of me but rather what this place means to me and how it might weave itself into a past and possible future. The last thumbnail could be added just before the first. The collection of thumbnails is a loop and could be read in both forwards and backwards. The landscape is made of two parts. A leafy green home and the constructed/built work. The studio is a small building on two stories. The first has a table for twenty and the second a library. In the pages of the books lies the next home and work landscape pair. It may be the same pair or a different one. Or both at the same time. The next chapter so to speak.Each of the places my mind travelled to were places I knew in the sense that I had been there. They were different though. Often simpler with elements missing, especially people. I wasn’t walking so much as being dropped in and out of a series of pictures/tableaux/frames (not to imply that they were static). I was alone and it was silent, which is odd because if I’m alone here there’s always some noise (birds, cars,...) to remind me that I am not.Participant FourI started off in a familiar place. It was a natural landscape from a moment in my past that sticks with me. However, I am not sure if what I was seeing was an exact interpretation or parts of this memory. I was submerged in a forest. I felt small within the vast landscape of trees. But I was not alone. I was following someone. We never interreacted, but they were just present at moments along this path. I had moments where I was feeling the landscape around me and experiencing it through touch. I meandered the forest until I reached an end point. A tent, pitched along the beachy shores. I approached it as I felt that I was not alone. But when I arrived, I was. But, I had comfort as I felt my body feel the earth around me. I weirdly had no shoes on and my feet were deep in the cold packed sand. At this point that person I was following was no longer there. I went to enter the tent and lie down. I just lied there looking up into the sky. The tent at this point had no skirt and was held up only by its frame, as the clouds continually passed above. And then my vision shifted, I was back to where I start, looking up at the trees still feeling small in the vast forested landscape.Participant FiveI started out in a golden field, sort of like prairie canola field, and I had a higher vantage point because I could see the prairie grid stretch out before me. Suddenly there was a tall building in front of me, sort of like a grain silo. I can’t remember if I was outside it or if I was immediately in it, but the interior was white washed wood and had exposed rafters with dust filtered sunlight shining from high above and filtering down toward me. My chest felt like it was expanding and just as it felt like it might burst everything turned black and started to crumble. The floor was gone beneath my feet and I started to fall with the charred black remnants of the building, and my chest started to contract. It felt like an atomic bomb contracting after the initial expansion. I don’t know how long I fell for but I eventually landed on a hard black dirt surface. I wasn’t outside or inside, it was sort of an in-between with definite spatial qualities. The sky was black and felt compressive, and there were charred black sticks for trees scattered in the flat black ground. I reached an inky black lake and stepped in. The water wasn’t warm or cool, and I continued to go in until my eyes were just barely above the water, my feet firmly planted to the lake bed. A voice in my head told me I just needed to lift up my feet and I would float, but I refused. Then Pera’s voice told me to go back to the first place, and the meditation was over.Participant SixI imagined a wild, overgrown field but I couldn’t see very far through fog/mist to get a sense of the size of it. I saw no buildings but I moved into more dense overgrowth. It was sort of a bramble of sharp sticks and twigs that scratched my body as I pushed through them so I tried to get down lower and compress myself so that I was beneath the canopy. The ground felt soft and wet and drops of water dripped from the leaves onto me. Light shone through the branches and the mist but the space I was in felt dark and primordial. It was cold and damp and confining but I also felt sheltered at the same time. This dark sort of bramble enclosure stretched off in all directions but movement was difficult so I just kind of stayed put. The space gave me a very liminal impression but I found myself unable to explore any more of it.Participant SevenI was in a sunny green valley. The cliffs surrounding were shear, no way up. And waterfalls often fell from an unseen mesa above. They crashed into calm shallow pools around the edge. The grass was knee high and sprinkled with red flowers. In the centre was a sparse grouping of tall trees. Birch like but at the huge scale of a douglas fir. Soon inside that was a small one room square structure. The roof like wide wings enclosing. The entry and far corners were secured and cozy and the left and right were open to the woods beyond. A elevated platform was at the apex and gave a vantage among the leaves. Participant EightMy inner landscape seemed to be some sort of airfield, or airport runway, but rather than being in it I was just looking at it from a distance. Where I actually was, was somewhere I’ve been before in Arizona. It was some sort of bar, or restaurant with a thatched roof, but it was completely empty. I found it very difficult to navigate this place, I tried to take a step forward or take a closer look at the place, but it was murky, and I was stuck or frozen. When I did start advancing, the place I was in changed every time I took a step. I was walking in and out of buildings with one step. There were so many places that my memory of them feels like it was a dream from a long time ago. One that I can remember resembled a street corner in Victoria, one that I have driven by a few times. It is a sports field with a shelter, but this time the shelter was facing the street, its structure was steel columns that turned into to angled beams holding up a roof, sort of like a dugout. I tried to walk past it/through it and as soon as I was close to it the place changed to a building we visited in India. It was a long thin walkway but somehow just in front of me there was a large, circular void in the walkway. I tried to look into it but what was in it was somehow blurred, I couldn’t see what was below, and I couldn’t pass.(no submitted drawings)Participant Nine(no submitted text)Guided Meditation B - QuestionParticipant One What did your building look like in the beginning?Like the Parthenon, a field of Corinthian columns, at about the midpoint and above they turned loose. Like cooked spaghetti. They wobbled and attached to the wrong capital. The roof gave and sagged and looked like it might fall off. Where were each of your guests, and what was the journey like between them?My Dad was in the center, on a rock. He was building a new paddle (he loves that) wood shavings all around him. Here the roof opened and you could see the sky.  Me at 80 was sitting in a lounge chair just outside the columns. He/me had a drinking glass of and was half under an umbrella. I first saw me from far away, we shouted our conversation at each other. By the time I got 10 meters away 8 year old me appeared prancing through the columns. Our conversation was had with me, trying to follow me dogging and weaving around the columns. What did your building look like in the end? It became more like a donut than a rectangle. The roof became light and transparent. Like someone laid a piece of fabric over the wacky columns.  Guided Meditation C - MemoryParticipant One I explored Earl Haig Elementary School in Hamilton, Ontario. There was a really wide staircase on the side. I had to be carried it up everyday after I broke my leg. One time there was a single peanut laying on the tread and I ran to the other side of the school to use the other staircase. All the classrooms had a secondary space for our cubbies, I’m sad that adults don’t have cubbies. The gym on the bottom floor seemed very small but very tall. The bathroom opposite I remember as very large but very short. The door to the playground was very, very heavy and I got stuck behind it one recess. The stairs from the playground were very, very long. And the library was huge. Everything was bigger then. Especially the giant spider that hung above the front entry on Halloween and periodically fell on unsuspecting ghosts, ghouls and goblins. Appendix EAtlanta Visit JournalAs part of my visit to Atlanta, I thoroughly documented my trip in writing to record my reactions to places and my personal experiences. I decided to record my trip over writing rather than photographs because it could more accurately capture the particular nuances of personal experience and place that stayed with me. Part of the trip involved visiting many more places than the three case studies, and my interactions with these places are also significant. Overly personal anecdotes omitted.Trip Dates: January 18 - 22, 2019Journal Entry Written: January 23, 2019Your Dekalb Farmer’s Market...after that I caught a Lyft to the Dekalb Farmer’s market. Allie had warned me it was going to be busy – it was Saturday morning, but I knew I had to go. Coming up to the market there was a lot I didn’t remember. It was super crowded with cars and the parking lot was full. The building had a wood exterior and was less of a warehouse than I remembered. There was one wall that faced the parking lot that was where everyone entered and exited. There were no overhead garage doors, which I thought I remembered – only regular open doorways, but they were held open so perhaps that was the part that I got confused. There was even a long canopy over the entry that felt very domestic in scale with benches underneath. The main thing I remembered about the exterior was the sign – the logo is a world with a series of flags around it that was instantly recognizable, but the building did not stand out in any way. There was one main entry door, and a hallway that you walked through with images of fruits and vegetables and photos that took you more deeply into the center of the building. Once I was inside, I was surprised at what was the same and what was different. In general, I didn’t feel an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. Things that did feel the same were the physical sensations – cold, spacious, loud. I felt aware of the concrete floor and the open steel roof, and the feeling that there weren’t columns even though they might have been, but the floors were so crowded that they didn’t stand out. It was very full of people. Things that were different – I didn’t remember the massive national flags hanging from the ceiling everywhere, though they may have had a different formation before, hanging in ribbons rather than individual panels (Allie said something about this). I also imagined the fish market being right by the entry and much bigger, but in reality it was farther to the back of the store. When you walked in you came right up to the fruits and vegetables stands, which were large stacks of produce on free standing tables. It’s funny – I remember the free standing tables, but I thought they had fish on them. The fish were in tanks and in permanent locations, but the fruits and veggies were on free standing tables. To the right of the entry were shelves of dry foods and spices in the back corner. In the back behind the fruit was storage. To the left of the fruit was baked goods, and then fish beyond that in a cool, separated area, and then meat and produce beyond that. The fish area was interesting because it was what I had remembered the most, but it wasn’t as powerful the second time around. The fish smell was less potent, and the sensation of large fish everywhere was less intense. It actually felt bigger than I remembered, more spread out, and less overwhelming. Towards the entry circling back around was a cafeteria type area with hot food, and little nooks selling speciality items, including a candy area where I bought the chocolate covered treats for my friends at school. There was a small door indicating exit which brought you into the massive till area where there were SO many tills (40-50?) of people all checking out produce at once. It was a big room, very crowded, and it was only when I was finally going in here that somebody got mad at me for taking photos, so I stopped. In general the space was maybe a bit smaller than I remembered, but not by much, and only in floor area, not in height – the height felt accurate. There were also a lot of spaces and zones that I didn’t remember at all that took me by surprise; the warehouse was much more complex than I recalled but the little zones hadn’t impacted me as much. Anecdotes about AtlantaAllie and I hung out for a bit – we decided to go for a walk and she showed me a bit of the Beltline which was new. She told me about Reynoldstown, the neighbourhood where she lived which had been undergoing some intense gentrification but which was still generally poor and predominantly black. But the Beltline was a big deal; it was well used by the people of Atlanta who used it to walk and ride their bikes on, and was taking the route of old an old tram track that was no longer in service. But it was also bringing traffic to previously very poor areas, driving up real estate prices, and relocating vulnerable populations to bring in ‘boujee’ restaurants, breweries, and amenities that suddenly rich white people wanted to go to. Old warehouses were being renovated and filled with trendy hipster shops. We went to a few of them, and they were really cool. Krog hall was one; and Krog Tunnel was a really cool location where it’s essentially entirely taken over by graffiti. Rappers film videos there and we may have been in one, and it was full of people hanging out and being at home in the city. After we walked for a while on the beltline we were picked up by her friend Ian and went out for lunch on Carrall street at a trendy spot where we ordered salads and espressos and sat under a canopy in the rain. The Brown’s House....after this we went back to Allie’s house to hang out for a little bit again and got ready to go for dinner at her parent’s. Going to the Brown’s house was really interesting. But this was probably the location of the most interesting specific overlaps of things that were correct vs. incorrect, since I had drawn it so specifically beforehand. Upon entering I realized that the big screened in area was entered from the side, and the main door was from the front. We came into a main living room that was fairly open to the living room, but had a full wall beside it to the right. The piano was almost directly ahead, which I had remembered, and the living room off to the left. The breakfast nook was not a nook but a four seat table, which I had recalled. There had been a renovation to the kitchen and David’s room to turn that more into a lounge and seating area, which is where we spent time and hung out. While talking there a train rolled past at night, and I could see the lights and hear the train whistle which brought back a lot of memories. It was too dark to explore the back yard unfortunately, but Jill told me that the stairs to the basement were actually from outside, going down the back steps, which is odd because I remember them being inside. But they were accessed from essentially the same location I remembered, just shifted back towards the end of the house. The stairs upstairs were in the same location but flipped and accessed from the kitchen rather than the living room. The bathroom at the end of the hall was as I remembered. Allie’s room was pretty different; there had been a renovation which had taken out the closet and the second door into the long hall. But her parents confirmed that indeed there had been a second door and a closet in that location that I remembered. Behind Allie’s room was her parent’s room, which we didn’t go in, but they also confirmed that there was a bathroom there. At the end of the hall was Allie’s mom’s office and art room, which used to be where the computer was. In fact, there was still a computer and desk in the same location. This room was actually a lot bigger than I remembered, and was full of art and crafts from Jill’s work. She showed us some projects that had come from Fernbank. There were big windows looking out to the front of the house. This room projected past the front of the living room. Upstairs was small, but essentially as I remembered. There were no windows at the front and back though, as I remembered, just skylights. There were two single beds, like I remembered, and a bathroom. But somehow I remembered the bathroom being in glass block. Jill was shocked that I remembered this and said that actually the glass block had been on the main floor bathroom, but that it had been renovated and they had removed most of it. This I hadn’t remembered at all; for some reason I thought it had been a wall around the bathroom. I’m not sure how this got so confused in my mind. But the feelings and qualities of the house were the same. It smelled the same, there were dark wood finishes and warm materials, and there was a soft yellow colour in the kitchen that just had a certain sensation to it. Obviously some rooms were different and shifted by the essential qualities and movement through the house felt very similar. And the things that I got wrong were only slightly; misses in location or movement that only had to be shifted a bit to be correct. The proportions and sizes felt accurate; the house didn’t feel much bigger or smaller. Allie’s room felt smaller, perhaps, and the office felt bigger, but in general it felt right to me. Allie’s mom, Jill, actually felt a lot shorter than I remembered, but that was about it. After having dinner with the Brown’s, we went back to Allie’s house to get ready to go out. She knew some people who were putting on a live concert that night at a bar in East Atlanta.Holy Trinity Parish Episcopal ChurchI woke up early this morning so that I could go to church. Allie was asleep but she’d given me her keys so I could take her car, so I actually drove there myself through old Atlanta neighbourhoods with massive houses of brick on large lots that felt very nostalgic. There were huge oak trees that felt familiar. Eventually I made it to the church – it was only about a 15-20 minute drive, and as soon as I pulled into the lot I laughed. The proportions of what I remembered were correct – it was a very ‘a-ha!’ moment. The specifics of what I remembered were incorrect, but the general idea was right. There was a lower church, a large open area, and an upper church which was new. They were connected by a series of spaces that passed around and underground. But when I saw them from the outside I thought – yes, I know this place. And I remember it. The main entry to the big church was through an exterior area with several doors that opened up to the parking lot. The parking lot did feel smaller than I remembered, but the interior felt the same. Once inside I took a left and was in the entry hall towards the church, which as I remembered was where there were greeters and tea and coffee and doughnuts laid out for church goers. There was a visitor sign in table to the left as well, which I avoided because I didn’t want to sign. I thought the library was here too but it wasn’t, there wasn’t even room for it. Instead there were stairs directly to downstairs in this location, which I hadn’t remembered; I thought they were further at the back. To the right was some functional spaces; what looked to be offices and bathrooms. I had imaged this as more entry space but it wasn’t really that way. I went for the 10:30 service so I went directly into the main church area. It was in many ways exactly as I remembered. A large, vaulted space with white drywalled arches, who knows what material. At the very front was a six-sided stone basin in the center filled with holy water that you could dip your fingers into and make the sign of the cross before being seated. There were two sides of the church – each with aisles angled towards the front. There were large rectangular windows with a bottom portion that stopped about halfway up in a peak – this was stained glass, as I remembered. The benches had kneeling pads that folded down in front with black material, and the hymnbooks were both red. One had a simple gold cross on the front. At the front there were steps up to the main stage area, which was about the size I remembered; to the left behind the gate was several rows of pews for the choir. In front of them was the organ and the person playing it was conducting. To the right was the pulpit and a place for a second priest to kneel and pray. On either side as well there was a bench where people could kneel and receive communion. This was on stage even though I remembered it as being right on the steps of the stage. At the center of the stage near the back there was a table where the communion was prepared and several prayers / chants were sung from. There was no incense, though I’m sure that this happened before. The pipes for the organ were off to the right, even though I remembered them as being on the left. There was a piano as well on the left, before the stage, that was at 90 degrees to the congregation. The organ player would occasionally switch between the two instruments. The proportions of the space felt correct to me. The church wasn’t huge but it didn’t feel small either. The most surprising thing was the number in the congregation; it felt smaller than I remembered. There were no ropes between the seats either, or gold or red which I felt like I’d remembered. In fact the colours were quite neutral, including the robes which were mostly white and grey. The biggest thing that felt incredibly nostalgic was the ritual and the prayers and the ceremonies themselves. There were so many things that were almost exactly the same, which I’d almost entirely forgotten. There were specific prayers, and chants, and calls and responses, and hymns, and the reading of the communion – which were all the same! The sermon was different of course, and the announcements, but even the structure of the service felt like it could have been almost identical. We shook hands and people noticed I was different, and they welcomed me in which was lovely, but also strange. The church was the only place that I actually felt emotional. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what the sensation was, but I felt overwhelmed. There was one hymn that got to me because I remembered it clearly, and I felt myself feeling emotional afterwards. I also felt emotional after communion; perhaps it was the ritualistic aspect of repeating something I had not done in so many years, and having it be right there where I left off. After the service I felt awkward snooping around too much, but I did go downstairs because I was desperate to find the Taize location. The downstairs instantly confused me because it was not how I recalled; there was a central courtyard that must have been right beside the main church hall somehow, right between it and the stairs, and right under neath the main church hall was another prayer hall that I hadn’t remembered; complete with pews and a pulpit. It was occupied so I couldn’t take any photos. Behind it, across the hall were some directions to classrooms. It was convoluted and confusing but I followed signs for the chapel because I was sure that was where the Taize happened. Sure enough I was right, and I ended up coming out into a room that was a large empty space where I knew I’d spent a lot of time. This was fascinating because it was very different than my memory. What was correct was the relationship of it to other spaces – the proportion, the height, the fact that light came in from the sides. The fact that it was lower than the other space, and that parts of it felt underground. It’s not at all underground, but it is lower than the main church – only the peak of it can be seen from the parking lot. The cool, blue, light sensation that I get is very different than the warm glow of the main nave. It had a relationship to the kitchen which was semi correct – the kitchen was accessed via a back corner, but in a completely different way than I’d imagined, though it is still in close proximity. But the biggest thing was the roof. The space had a beautiful open wood truss roof that reached a peak in the center that I’m sure now I would remember, but had absolutely zero recollection of. In fact, I was stunned to see it. And yet I knew the space was tall and open and the size and dimensions were correct. I knew it was the right space, yet it wasn’t what I expected. Perhaps my memories of the peaked roof were of both spaces, and I had conjoined them into one. So interesting. The real space was actually much more beautiful than my memories of it. To the side of it was a small courtyard with a tree, that had a relationship to a parking lot because it was lower than the parking lot. Again, this relationship I remember – the higher / lower than relationship, of one being above the other. The courtyard was smaller and more open than I remember, but I knew there was a tree at the center of it that was close to the second nave and this relationship was accurate. After exploring this area I left because I felt like I was sneaking around too much, though I wish I did take more photos. Anecdotes about AtlantaAfter Holy Trinity I went back to Allie’s house, and Allie decided to take me to the markets and renovated areas along the Beltline. We went for a long extended walk – first we went to Krog market to check out the areas, just wandered in and out, and then we kept walking until we got to Ponce market, a massive renovated factory that has been completely taken over and gentrified. It was very cool though. The building now holds apartments, offices, and a huge interior mall with shops and food courts and much more. It was packed on a Sunday. It was a huge U shaped building with a central courtyard over a big green roof and wooden walkways connecting the spaces from the exterior. We wandered around in here, and on the walk over (forgot this earlier) we ran into her friend who was a graffiti artist who was spray painting a piece under a bridge. Ponce market was really cool and it was surrounded by other markets which had been large factory buildings that had been converted to other uses, so it was interesting to see. Afterwards we walked back along the drive to one of the breweries, which I can’t find on the map but was huge and another renovated factory. Childhood NeighbourhoodsThe next morning we got up early again because we had decided to try to go up to Allie’s cabin, but first we were going to go to my old townhouse and we didn’t want to start the day too late. Allie was determined to drive to my old house on her own without any directions – she wanted to see if she could get us right to the doorway. On the way though we made a bunch of stops to places I remembered. First up was the old site of Fernbank Elementary, which I had kind of given up on seeing, but we passed through the site to see the changes. It was interesting; the site was very much as I remembered – I could pick out the spot on the right by the edge of the woods where the music trailer used to be, and I remembered the relationship between the parking, the school entrance and the science center across the street. The new school seemed really big and imposing, and much closer to the parking than I remembered. The site in general seemed much smaller than I remembered, especially the play fields to the back, but they were surrounded by woods in a way that I remembered very well. I couldn’t recall how the relationships of all the trailers and elements on the school property used to work, but it felt much more expansive in my memory. This is the only one where things seemed much bigger in my mind than in real life, but it’s hard to really place these experiences without the original school to compare them to. We didn’t spend much time here, I just got out of the car and snapped a couple photos, and we didn’t have time to go to the Science Centre. On the way to the townhouse we passed through old neighbourhoods of my friends who I had grown up with and gone to school with, like Claire and Carly. Allie was rattling off people’s houses as though I could remember them all – and some I did, though I don’t think I would have been able to pick them out if I was there on my own. My Childhood HomeWhen we got to the street intersection by my old place, I knew where we were. I could pick out the strip mall even though it wasn’t the same stores, and I knew exactly where the Baskin Robbins used to be. Allie reminded me of a book store that I didn’t remember, but my mom had talked to me about so I knew that it was close. There was a massive Publix right on the corner too that I had zero recollection of, which is funny because we probably shopped there all the time, but it’s interesting that I remembered the farmers market more. As soon as we turned the corner I remembered the lot. There were so many townhouses all together, but I knew mine as soon as I saw it, in part due to the huge oak tree out front. It’s funny because I didn’t draw that oak tree or the landscape, but the landscape is what completely took me back. Every hill, step and nuance felt intensely familiar and it transported me. The way my body moved as I walked through the steps brought me back to moments that I hadn’t remembered or drawn. The small parking lot out front, playing under the huge tree, the steps up to the front side walk, the steps up to the back sidewalk, the covered car ports in the back, the tiny stairs with metal hand rails that took you from one set of units to another. The laundry lines along the back sidewalk, and the view down to the laundry room. The expansive grass, and the simple trees that dotted the landscape, and the bushes in front of the house. It was all the SAME. The movements were the same, the way my body felt; a sense of repetition that became a part of me and was intrinsic to the experience. It was SO WEIRD. I walked up to the front steps and knocked on the door, and Beth answered – the woman who has been living there since and answered my letter with an email and photos. I noticed at the front entry the cut-outs in the side wall that protected the entry as a geometric pattern; this was instantly familiar but I hadn’t recalled it before. Inside there was a small entry where shoes and jackets could be left. The living room was more vague to me; I didn’t remember any of the closets that went in underneath the stairs. Allie knew where the piano was, but I hadn’t remembered at all. She said it was beside the stairs, somehow I had remembered it by the front window (later, Mom told me that it moved location several times). The dining room was as I remembered small with a big window looking out towards the trees and the lower carport lot. The kitchen was tiny and a little different than I remembered but not by much. I thought the stove was as you walked in but it was actually the sink, which made more sense, and there was even a chopping block where I think we had one, by the back porch. There was a small fridge that was on the right hand wall, kitty corner to the stove. Everything was very small and miniature sized. The floors were hardwood but the stairs were carpeted. Upstairs the first thing I was shocked by was the pink tiles in the bathroom – so pink! Exactly as I remembered, and still the same. The front hall was so small, and cramped, but we didn’t spend much time here. Mine and Bri’s room was actually bigger than I remember, maybe because we shared the space and had so much stuff. I also hadn’t remembered the second window above the dining room window; I’d only remembered the one looking towards the pool. Perhaps that was because we had bunk beds and Bri would have been the only one with access to it. The closet was where I remembered it, but it had a real door which I don’t remember. The room seemed both bigger and smaller at the same time. Deeper, across the width when you walked in, but shallower in length from the entry to the back. Strange, not sure why. And we did go into Beth’s bedroom, which would have been my parents, which felt strangely familiar. Her bed was in the same location, and she had a dresser against the side wall by the stairs. I told her where my dad’s desk was, but her room was pretty messy so I felt awkward taking any photographs. It was very nostalgic being in there. Mine and Brianna’s room had much better natural light even though it was smaller, and my parents was darker. I didn’t remember that from before, or the light being different on different sides of the house. Perhaps it was just when we were there. Afterwards Allie and I walked down to the carport and over to the pool, which was very close. It was as I remembered; an entry over to the left hand side at the back, tall black gate made of vertical metal rails, and an L shape plan with the deep end on the smaller part of the L, which was the part the was closer to you as you walked towards it. It was closed for winter. The pool was smaller than I remembered as well, but again – I spent a lot of time here, a lot of birthdays and summer days. The landscape, the exterior and the trees were the most striking in the way they made me feel, but the interior of the house made me feel joyful and excited. There was a closet upstairs between our room and the bathroom that I hadn’t remembered – any storage spaces didn’t take up space in my mind as being significant or important. But I was so happy to be there, it was so exciting and wonderful and nostalgic and interesting. Allie’s CabinAfter the townhouse visit we drove up to Sky Lake. It was a two hour drive and we stopped at the Publix on our way out to pick up some sandwiches. When we finally got to Sky Lake, I remembered very little. I didn’t know that it was a gated community, and was surprised when there was a security checkpoint that we had to pass through and have a decal on the car to prove that we were part of the community. There was a building that Allie pointed out as the place we had root beer floats. I certainly remembered the floats, but the building was not at all what I would have expected. It was a plain, simple hall with nothing around it; somehow I had remembered more of a community, but the nearest town was Helen which was probably a 10-15 minute drive. Once we entered the community it felt somewhat familiar, but not very. If anything, the most familiar thing was the trees themselves and the landscape. The trees were sparse and spotted the landscape; you could see right through them to the hills beyond and the groundscape, which was covered in fallen leaves with very little underbrush. It is a strange, dry landscape that is full of repeated elements that continue endlessly on one another, but the ability to see through them results in a forest which is both dense and open at the same time. Sky lake is hilly, which I also remembered – I had crashed my scooter coming down a big hill (or it felt big to me) on the way back to the cabin once. I also distinctly remembered the hill behind the house having a very steep drop off, which it did, since we ran up and down it numerous times. The house itself was not significant to me, especially from the outside. From the exterior I would not have been able to identify it as the cabin at all; it was completely simple and plain and a basic light brown. There was a small set of steps up to a little covered porch, and windows on each side. Directly in front of the entry was a small powder room, which I did remember once being inside it. To the left of the door was the living room with a fireplace along the side wall, with the dining room at the back of the house behind it which connected to the kitchen. Along the back of the house was the screen in porch, which is the distinguishing feature of the house I most remember. The house felt smaller than I remembered as a whole, but in general its features were shaky. The kitchen probably felt like the same size, actually. It’s the general space that felt smaller. From the kitchen in the center of the house were a set of stairs going to the basement. To the right of the front door entry was a hallway which led to two bedrooms and a bathroom behind the first powder room. Downstairs was a large open space with a sliding screen door o the backyard that I remember playing in a lot. It was empty. On the side were two bedrooms and another bathroom, essentially under the top floor. The house nestled into the slope so that the first part seemed as though it may be underground but it actually wasn’t. The house felt like a fairly neutral place to me. Appendix FPhotographs of AtlantaYour Dekalb Farmer’s MarketThe Brown’s HouseHoly Trinity Parish Episcopal Church

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